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#TALKED TO ALL MY PALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
beantothemax · 10 months
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FORGOT TO GO TO THE FUCKING LIBRARY!!!!!!!
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catrasfreckles · 9 months
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*wakes up*
I wonder how Pyrrha feels about her dead lover's dead daughter having the same name as her dead best friend
*goes back to sleep*
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baalzebufo · 2 months
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some additional doodles and a Lot of Headcanons... sorry if im spamming these a little bit. ive got so many thoughts in my head, lmao
theres my older pacifica- after weirdmageddon, her and gideon become friends. theyre both sort of ostracized from the town as a whole bc of their past attitudes/actions so they cling together and become buds. its nice having someone else who 'gets' it.
pacifica moved out as soon as she could to get away from her folks and has a job at a local mall. gideon enables her to enjoy at least SOME of her old luxuries by taking her shopping and to get their nails done together and stuff. also his prison buddies help ''kindly persuade'' her parents not to break her enforced no-contact rule from time to time. i know the two have the bitchiest gossip in the entire town together. sometimes when its hard to be 'nice' they know they can at least vent to the other and they wont get judged for it, yknow?
also some backstory doodles! he was a Normal Kid, Once. or close enough to it. gideon was a sickly child and was sheltered and homeschooled for most of his life. the gleefuls moved from texas to oregon when he was about seven (yes i know this breaks canon a little. its fine shh.) and he found journal 2 shortly after. things went downhill from there
other notes. he's always kept his hair long, but used to either let it down or tie it into a long braid. he very briefly attended a public school and he didnt fare very well there (fat kid + albino + 'girly' + general weird interests is basically painting a massive target on your back) he used to stay up and watch late night televangelists when he couldnt sleep in hospital and copped his aesthetic from there
sorry this post is so long i have a lot of thoughts about him </3
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xinyuehui · 4 months
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He is indeed guilty. ⸺⸺
新生 · Regeneration · 2024
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idliketobeatree · 5 months
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dark red and ginger crowley fighting to the death in the back alley just so aziraphale can stand there, unmoored, with his #FFFFFF hex code hair
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randomwriteronline · 6 months
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"Ah! You're one of those," a voice came to his ears.
Nuparu turned to find a tall Gaquri standing at the entrance, looking at him curiously.
"I am a Toa," he corrected.
The other nodded: "Yes, I do know that. Forgot the name is all. You're a, uh... Ko?"
"Onu."
"Hm! My mistake. Which element is that, again?"
"Earth. Do you need something?" the inventor cut their small talk short, lightly tapping a tool similar to a wrench against the skeletal frame of what appeared to be a heavily modded chariot: "I'm working on a project."
"You know where Berix is?" the Gaquri asked. He raised an arm: an interesting weapon, with a jagged light blue blade at one end and some kind of projectile mechanism attached to the handle, dangled from it casually. "Wanted to drop this off to him. The thornax launcher's been jamming up more often and I know that boy can make it work like a charm again."
"He's getting parts," Nuparu answered. His eyes rested once more on the blade and he added, tilting his head intrigued: "You can leave it here if you want."
"So you can study some original Bara Magna manufacturing?" the other joked.
"It's not really my field, but it looks remarkable."
He watched the organic being laugh heartily as he approached - with a fairly heavy limp, he noticed: "Remarkable! Now that's a bit of an exaggeration, kid. I made these from some bones, whatever viable scraps I could find from wrecks of the Core War, and a few patches across the years when I could afford it. It's held together by spit and whatever Ackar's friend did to make it spurt water."
"From what I understand, spit doesn't seem like a good adhesive."
"That's what we say here to mean something's parts are real shoddily connected together."
"Hm! Like dried mud. Or aluminum sheet."
"That's the idea. Ah, where should I put this, anyhow?"
"There is fine. What's with your leg?"
The Gaquri gave a grimace: "Nothing much - just my knee acting up," he replied, patting the guilty joint. "Something must have gotten rusted. It happens."
Even through the lack of expression of his mask Nuparu treated him to a baffled look.
"What?"
"Organic parts don't rust," the Toa sputtered. "At least, ours don't."
The other eyed the tendons and muscles peeking through black armor, and his lips perked up in a little smile.
Without a word he placed his weapon on the least cluttered corner of Berix's work desk before redirecting his now free hands to the side of the faulty knee, messing with what appeared to be the graceless stitching of a large wound: his fingers sank deftly into it and pried through the gaps enough to loosen the whole thing, and before the less organic being's flabbergasted eyes pulled down the fake skin and meat to reveal a fully mechanical joint, complete with pistons and springs and even what seemed like wires.
"Don't worry," he chuckled with a wave, "Ours don't either. But most crusty old Glatorian like me haven't been completely flesh and bone in a long time."
If the inventor's attention had been piqued before, he was completely captivated now. He was leaning on his seat towards him, vehicle project all but forgotten, intently studying as many details of the prosthesis as he could see from that distance.
His eager interest made the other laugh again: "Why all that surprise! Don't you see something like this on you every day?"
"Yes, but I'm not you!"
"And what's that mean?"
"You're all flesh! And meat! And skin! How does that work?"
The Gaquri considered something for a moment. "If you can get me a seat and figure out what's wrong with it, I'll be glad to let you have a closer look," he offered at last.
Nuparu pulled the stool from right under himself so fast that he fell on his ass.
He then placed it down with extreme care and patted it insistently.
The other barely held back a snort.
His implant hadn't caused this much of a scene since the first day it had been up and functional.
"The name's Tarix, anyhow," he introduced himself as he sat down a little heavily. "Since you'll be rummaging knuckle-deep through the insides of my leg for the next thirty minutes."
"Hm," Nuparu replied as he kneeled until his mask was all but grazing the joint.
Tarix waited a dozen seconds, and added: "You got one too, Toa?"
"One what?"
"Name."
"Nuparu."
"I see. Ah - nope, nope, don't-" his fingers quickly pinched the mechanical being's and lifted them away from the scarified tissue binding the meat to the metal: "That's real flesh, don't peel that - the nerves still work, you'd put me through the pains of Plude."
"What's that?"
"You folks have a place in your lore built just to torture you forever?"
"Yes, Karzhani. I've been there."
"Huh. Well, I've been to Plude too back when it still existed, and I'll just say that the only good thing the Lord of Sand might've done was collapsing it on itself. So, you get what I mean about the pain."
"Hm. Yes, I can imagine. But how do I - see, to check the individual parts, I'd need to pull them off..."
"Oh - hold it, let me just..."
Angling his leg in an uncomfortable position and hunching down with a hiss, the Glatorian set to work carefully pulling screws loose with the help of an empty pipe he'd fetched from his pocket. The small parts dangled from their sockets without falling, just distant enough from the point the metal touched to allow the top and bottom pieces to be pulled apart without needing to pull the much more easy to lose components out of the whole.
"Hold the calf a moment, will you?" he muttered with the pipe now stuck between his teeth. Nuparu complied, holding the lower half of the leg still as Tarix worked his magic on the inner wires. At last, satisfied, he unfurled his back up once more and puffed satisfied: "There, pull."
When the Toa did so, the prosthesis came apart as easily as a house of cards. Suddenly, in the mechanical palm was a whole calf, still warm with life and undoubtedly organic.
Tarix watched genuinely amused as Nuparu tested the ankle in his hands and on the ground, miming an attempt at a walk as though playing with a very concerning doll with nothing short of pure unadultered fascination.
He posed it as if stuck in a sprint: "Can you feel this?"
"Not a single thing," the Glatorian replied. He patted the metallic femur's exposed head: "And neither can I here. The connections are all in the wires, they go right into the nerves, see? So long as they're apart I can't feel crap anywhere from over here," and he pointed to the flesh that stopped around the middle of his thigh "To the rest of the leg underneath. Not that I should be able to, frankly, if we wanted to abide by nature's whims, but luckily for me us Spherus Magna natives never cared much for that."
Nuparu hummed: "How'd you get it like this, anyways?"
"Oh," the Glatorian shrugged as though it were the most normal thing in the world, "Blew up."
"It just exploded?"
"Not by itself, of course, someone shot the whole thing out of me."
The Toa treated him to an appalled look.
Tarix waved a hand harshly, chewing on his unlit pipe: "The Core War was absolutely barbaric, kid! I've witnessed stuff I wouldn't wish on a Skrall. When I saw that half you've got there in your hand fly over my head as gracefully as the ugliest bird known to any being with eyes, I thought I was going to die of shock like a Mountain Striker with a broken wing. I still have no clue how I managed to keep awake through the bloodloss and pain long enough for the fixers to figure out I was still alive enough to be taken down to the medic."
Nuparu regarded the half of a limb in his grasp with newfound horror and fascination. A whole portion of leg, shot right out... He wasn't sure if even the Vortixx could have had something capable of doing that. Oh, sure, they had plenty of possibly worse things, but even the most blunt tended to have slightly more complex effects than just 'blows a chunk off of you'.
And the fact that they had managed to rebuild the broken joint and connected it to the rest of the nervous system was nothing short of miraculous, compared to the same thing done on a mechanical being - whose organic components regenerate, too.
"And all Glatorian have something like this?"
"Us older ones, yes," the other nodded. He watched with a sort of lazy interest as the Toa turned his attention to the mechanism of his prosthesis, checking for damage as he had promised. "The rookies tend to have the usual stuff, thank goodness - scars, plaques, maybe a limb, some fingers..."
"Fingers?"
"Yes, some of them. They tend to nip 'em a lot during training, you know, when they start to get the hang of it and stop holding their weapons like they're gonna grow a mouth and bite them - they cut tendons often those first few times. Or just the whole thing."
"Really?"
He chuckled, playfully waving his fingers: "Gresh keeps losing them. If you look closely you can tell which phalanxes are still his."
"I thought he was good at fighting."
"He is. He's just young. And a little too brash at times."
Nuparu hummed, moving onto the piece of implant attached to his thigh: "You mentioned limbs, too," he noted absentmindedly: "Is that also common, during training?"
"Losing them? Oh no, that happens out in the desert. Or, used to happen... Well, the desert's still out there, just smaller, so I guess - point is, you'll sooner get one cut off by a Bone Hunter or chewed up by a Vorox than find a fellow Glatorian who'll do that to you, on purpose or not. We made sure to try and avoid that sort of thing when we made the rules for the job."
"And plaques?"
"Oh, these," and he tapped some strange metallic protrusions on the top of his legs, on the side of his arms, and on his shoulders. "Nothing special, they keep armor in place. Easier than having to strap it on. We install them when we come of age."
Their shape was somewhat familiar: "Berix has them too, I think."
"I think everybody gets them - Agori, Glatorian, Skrall..."
"They are pretty useful," the Toa nodded.
He couldn't really imagine how they could have managed to stick armor to themselves otherwise. Maybe through some cloth? But then it might chafe their joints, and they'd have to find a way to insert it in the metal anyways...
He hummed thoughtfully, wracking his brain as he tried at once to figure out both the logistics of putting armor on fully organic beings and whatever was wrong with the implant.
So concentrated he was that he actually jumped a little when the pipe gently smacked his shoulder.
Tarix had a strange look on his face as he pointed down at a spot on his prosthesis: "Don't - it's nothing to be worried about yet, just, watch it," he warned, "That coil there you've got near your index, she's real frisky. Won't be a problem now that it's taken apart, but when you stick it back together you'd better avoid even just so much as grazing it - it'll pull my calf back at top speeds to kick my ass. Been like that since the start."
"Oh! Sounds painful."
"It is!"
With a hand already rummaging through a box of springs, Nuparu offered: "Since I'm here already, I could replace that..."
"Ah, there's no need really," the Glatorian quickly stopped him.
"But it's a liability."
"If it's out in the open like this, yeah, but - well, when it's covered it's a lot more manageable, and the wires-"
"It's still a malfunction. I can fix that without any trouble."
"I get it, but it's - I - hm! Let me explain. See, when - if I cover it up, see, with my-"
"The fake flesh?"
"Yes, that - it still jerks back if touched, but not as hard, you get me?"
"But it still does."
"Yes, and here's the - the thing is, I also have my nerves connected, right? Right, and when the coil gets touched and makes my leg jerk, it... Er... See - have you ever - hm! Hmm-hm. Hold on. Do you... Is there something that you know is not good for your body, but when you do it it just feels nice?"
"No."
"Alright, this complicates things."
"Oh! Oh, no, wait - when I cut metal with a saw, I like to keep myself as close to the sparks as possible so they can hit me because they tingle. It's fun. Do you mean like that?"
"Eeeh, close enough! That's what's going on with that coil."
"It tingles?"
"It... Uh... Sure, let's. Call it that."
The change in tone was weird, and he seemed to be somewhat embarrassed about having brought the subject up.
Now, in regards to asking personal questions, Nuparu tended to be as uninterested in other beings' private matter as much as a Kofo-Jaga is in lightstones.
However, this was directly related to the machinations of an impressive, if a little primitive, handmade mechanical joint.
So yes, he would have loved to pry.
The mental manifestation of Turaga Whenua repeatedly smacking him over the head with his drilling staff was currently the only thing keeping him from inquiring on any activities Tarix might have enjoyed dabbling in outside of his work hours, but luckily for the Glatorian that singular imaginary scenario was also an extremely effective deterrent for any Matoran or Toa that had ever at some point of their lives resided in Onu-Koro.
As such, the Toa just shrugged and diverted his attention onto the object the Gaquri was now nervously twisting in his hand: "What's that, by the way?"
The total swerve in subject matter destabilized the Glatorian briefly. He looked down at his fingers, then back at the Toa.
"A pipe?" he replied.
Nuparu squinted at it a little better: "That does not look like a pipe." he decreted.
Tarix lifted an eyebrow, curiously: "It's just an Agori pipe."
"That's not a pipe," the inventor insisted.
"And how should a proper Toa pipe look like, then?"
"Matoran pipe, maybe-" the Toa scoffed, rolling his eyes and making the other chuckle a bit while the mechanical hands went right back to checking on his implant in the midst of his correction: "First of all, it's far too small to be of any proper use; second, that seems to be made of wood, which is the worst material for this kind of thing - even if you could fit that tiny piece in a proper hydraulic system, long time usage will lend it to rot and come apart much faster, which is why we used to trade iron with Le-Koro to avoid the whole village from caving in on--"
"Oh!" Tarix interrupted him all of a sudden, smacking the object on his palm with a hollow sound: "Oh, you meant - no no no, it's not that type of pipe! It's a, uh -- pipa! Nagele! Sghitt!"
"Don't curse at me, please."
"I'm not cursing at you, it's just different names for this! You really don't have a word for-?" then he cut himself off as he seemed to remind himself of something evidently obvious: "Ah - well, I mean, you don't have a mouth, of course you can't smoke..."
"Yes we do."
"You do?"
"Yes? How else would we hold our masks?"
Tarix blinked, briefly wondered if he should have asked, and decided it didn't matter: "But you don't smoke? At all?"
"No? Unless we get catastrophically overheated or are set on fire," Nuparu replied as he attached the disjointed calf into the thigh again. "Both of which in all fairness have happened before. Not very often, but they have happened."
"No, I meant... Ah, hold it, hold it..."
He stuck the unlit pipe back in his mouth, puffing out nothing a few times with a thoughtful expression on his face.
"See - it's a bit like the coil and the sparks again, the matter with smoking," he decided to start explaining: "There's certain plants, if you dry them and burn them well, that make really pleasant smoke."
"How is smoke pleasant?" the Toa muttered.
"The smell can be," the Gaquri shrugged, "And the taste too. Wait-" and he gently knocked the foot of the pipe on the top of the Volitak before the inventor could interrupt him again "-Wait a second, I can't very well clear this up if you keep cutting in. Alright, so the bigger part here, the bowl we call it - you need to press the dried plants in here and light them up, only a little before the whole thing burns up; once they're charred nicely, you inhale through the shank, and then you puff it back out. That's how the smoke gets in your mouth and you can taste it."
"And how does it taste, then?"
"Ah, depends on what you smoke," was the whistful answer. "Same goes for the smell. The Lebori have a certain bark that gets real flexible when wet - they make whole pipes with it, they burn up real well, but it's a bit too sour for me. Before the Shattering there used to be a type of kelp I liked, and Kiina said they had River Eyes up near the Dormus that made some terribly sweet smoke."
"River Eyes?"
"It's a flower! Small, round, blue, and it grows on river banks. Never got to try them, though, and it's better I don't go around asking for some with the lungs I've got. Like I said, smoking's the same as the coil and the sparks: feels good to do, but it's bad for the body."
Nuparu hummed deeply, rummaging inside the knee as he handled the hanging wires carefully.
"I think I figured out the problem," he announced.
At that Tarix perked up: "Rust?"
"One piston has developed a limestone growth that makes it much harder to move properly, and as a result one of the springs is bent out of shape and chafes right against the nerve."
"Ah! Well, damn. You can get limestone in there?"
"If it's humid enough, it can build up over time."
"Hm... Alright, I guess all those years sweating in arenas and whatnot were bound to do the trick eventually."
"Also there was rust."
"Hm. Where?"
"Three screws. I changed them already."
"Wait, really? When?"
"While you were talking about the Core War."
"Huh! You're quick. And quiet."
The Toa shrugged: "I like working."
He pulled the prosthesis apart for a second time, laying the calf down on the floor. He then leaned back to search through a tool box brimming with bits and pieces - bolts, nuts, coils, springs, and all sorts of other things - with what his mask's stillness still managed to convey as a focused furrowed brow, evidently still thinking about what course of action to take now that he had pinpointed the anomaly to fix.
Changing his mind, he stood up and made his way to one of the various piles of junk and assorted more or less useful knicknacks to start looking for something in there instead.
"Speaking of the Core War," he said, implying he wanted to start a conversation but without really adding to that sentence.
Tarix waited a few minutes, puffing out in silence while watching him shift towels or bottles until he found what he was looking for (a clean enough rag and flask containing a murky liquid), before figuring that he was waiting for some kind of permission to continue on the admittedly not particularly pleasant topic: "Yes?"
"You said other older Glatorians also got implants like this from it."
"I implied it, but yes, that's the case."
The Toa hummed as he settled back before him: "And they're all knees, like yours?"
"You want to ask what their own prosthesis are?"
At that, he got no response.
"You can, by the way," Tarix reassured him, "It's been a damn long time by now, it doesn't hurt as much as say, eighty hundred years ago. We've been living like this long enough to joke about the whole thing and whatnot."
Nuparu mumbled something indistict as he soaked up the rag and began scraping the limestone off of the metal with it.
"Don't act all shy now, kid! As I said, it's no trouble." the Glatorian repeated. A sly smile curled the corners of his lip: "You can't get embarrassed like this every time you have to ask about new possible clients, you know," he jokingly reprimanded him, "Otherwise you'll have a hard time getting any."
"I don't want to be paid!" the Toa replied. "I'm just curious, is all! This is... Well, I didn't expect it to be something you'd have."
"Oh, don't worry, not everybody's missing a whole chunk of leg like me," Tarix chuckled. "We Glatorian like to keep ourselves distinct from one another."
"In implant too?"
"Of course! Let me think, now..."
He inhaled a long breath through his pipe, leaning back a little as the kid continued on with his work, and exhaled with a whistle.
"So, let's see - Vastus, he's got a good chunk of his lower spine replaced and, oh, 'bout three quarters of his intestines," he began: "Kiina had her hip crushed and put back together, and that should be... Ah, nope, nope, half of her left hand and the whole ulna too. Telluris I haven't see in a long while now, but unless he's figured out how to place his brain in a tin can I'd bet his head's all that's left. Certavus, bless his memory, I don't think he had a single original organ left by the end, and Gelu's got bionic feet - one foot, one leg, right, a whole leg, so then Strakk was the one who got his eye shot out and his nose crushed. And the jaw, of course. I don't remember if it was him or Malum who cracked his head but I do think it was him, because Malum had the femur that got split in half and it worsened with that problem with his ribcage where the metal was corroding and messing with his blood... Which is why he had to get his marrow replaced in his leg later on. Oh, and Ackar also had to... Ah, wait, which one was it? Right, right. Ackar, poor guy, his back itself is worse than a Plude street but his real problem's his right shoulder blade, which got essentially pulverized - I was there, ghastly sight - so they had to replace the whole thing, and that was bad enough; but then, and this is the fucked thing, the implant actively degraded the rest of the arm, so he had to keep replacing bits and pieces of it until it was just completely gone."
Nuparu lifted his head, eyes wide and flabbergasted: "The fixing made it worse?"
"It did! He kept having trouble moving it."
"How?"
Tarix raised his shoulders: "Beats me," he replied just as baffled. "It's a common thing for Tapyri, honestly. It's hard to tell if the material's bad quality or has trouble with the heat. Perditus too - after he got half his leg replaced, the damn thing somehow managed to melt halfways and left him limping almost worse than he would if he just didn't have it."
"And he can't replace it?"
"It's grafted onto the bone and the muscle has grown over it. They'd have to carve the whole thing out with it, it's just not worth it."
The Toa stared at him positively appalled.
"That is horrid," he spat, punctuating the adjective with a harsh yank of his hand over the faulty piston, thus launching a loosened piece of limestone to skid across the floor.
"You're tellin' me, kid."
"That's - it's inadmissible. It's insane."
"And I haven't told you about the Agori."
"What about the Agori? Were they fighting too? Do they-?"
"No, not fighting, usually - it's something we got in common with your lot: we're basically the same species, but we are much bigger and they're much nimbler. So you had us larger folk tearing one another to bits properly, while they tended to work as scouts if they weren't busy trying to put us back in one piece."
The Gaquri interrupted himself to stretch his arms up, pulling one towards his head.
The movement produced a loud 'crock!' roughly around the height of his shoulder, followed by much softer pops crackling all the way up towards his wrist as it twisted.
Satisfied with the sound (which instead made the inventor a little uneasy considering their conversation), he moved to massage the sides of his spine with his knuckles, rolling his neck: it seemed to make a curious ticking noise in place of a meatier sound, filling in the quick pauses of Nuparu's rag scrubbing the limestone away.
At last he puffed into his unlit pipe: "If you look at the older ones - the Agori, I mean - you'll see they've got less lower half than upper."
"That makes no sense."
"It does if you don't count implants. We've got them a bit everywhere, I told you, but an Agori with an arm prosthesis is a real rarity. They've got them mostly between their soles and the top of their hipbones."
"And why's that?"
"It's 'cause the lucky ones stepped on mines."
The Toa hummed thoughtfully.
He did not raise his eyes from the almost clean piston: "And the unlucky ones?"
"Well, we were trained to aim for either the neck or the head."
Ah.
Those certainly had been unlucky.
For every thing Toa and Glatorians seemed to have in common, a complete opposite came around. To imagine a Toa willingly kill was already hard, though not impossible - the Mahri themselves had been met with the chance to do so once or twice, and it had been tantalizing to say the least; but to envision a group of his brothers and sisters being not only instructed but even trained to kill, and especially to kill Matoran...
Well, he was glad he did not live in that kind of world.
"That's just how life is," Tarix sighed in the end. "Nobody wins. They've got their metal hips, and I've got my leg held together by wires and pistons. And an artificial diaphragm."
That snapped Nuparu out of his unpleasant musings: "A what?"
"That one wasn't the war's fault, though - well, it was, but it came in later. See, I had some sharpnel that got stuck in there but nobody noticed, and then one day I got a shove in the wrong spot during a match and just stopped breathing. So I had to get a mechanical one, and when I have to put myself under any sort of strain I need to hook myself up to an oxygen supplier to make sure it doesn't collapse under the effort - you know, that tube thing you might have seen on me, sort of like yours."
"Your gills?"
"I..." the Gaquri briefly did a double take. "You call those gills?"
"Yes?"
They blinked at each other briefly.
"Yeah," Tarix conceded, "Yeah, I guess those would be gills for you folks, huh. Makes sense."
"What was it that you had to replace?"
"My diaphragm."
"What is that?"
"... The muscle?"
"Which muscle?"
"The... The one that makes the... Lungs? Work? I understood you did have lungs?"
"Lungs work on their own."
"No they do not?"
"Yes they do. They are muscles."
"No they are not??"
Before Nuparu could further argue his point by lifting his chest plate and forcing Tarix to behold the disquieting spectacle offered by his very much clearly autonomously moving lungs, the unmistakeable noise of a small variety of hollow brass objects gracelessly crashing on the floor and being hurriedly chased after by stomping feet attracted their attention elsewhere.
Berix did not notice them as immediately as they noticed him, since he was busy making his entrance on all fours as he scrambled to pick up a bunch of scrap metal that had spilled from his arms.
The other two beings made no sound as they watched him curse to himself after stepping on a rogue bolt. They decided to simply observe him in silence much like an equipe of entomologists observes a particularly frenetic spider panicking for some kind of fault in its web, making no motion to lend the young Agori any help as he crawled along the ground to collect the scattered pieces of his scavenged treasure of junk.
It was particularly fascinating when he accidentally shoved several bolts in his mouth to the point of almost stuffing his cheeks with them, realized his mistake, and spat them in what looked like an exhaust pipe.
He almost cried when they fell out of it and rolled away again.
Then he lifted his eyes briefly to the other two silent beings in the room and failed to recognize them.
Meaning he then proceded to jump almost three whole bio straight in the air once he figured there were people looking at him - landing on a screw.
"FUCK!" he whimpered.
Tarix waved: "Hello to you."
"Do you need help?" Nuparu asked with a notable delay.
The Agori kneeled to the ground and skidded across it: "No no no, I'm good! I'm good, I'm - hey, hi, Tarix, hi, when did-? What are you-? Uh," he said nervously as he tried to catch as many nuts and springs as possible, "What is going on there? Is it, did I interrupt or, should- should I leave? Again? Should I leave again?"
"Nuparu's fixing my leg."
At that Berix snapped his head with a deafening gasp to look directly at him, the most betrayed expression to ever grace his face plaster across it.
"But I wanted to do that!" he cried out in anguish like a desert fox cub experiencing the horrors of its mother's tongue bath for the first time: "I told you I could do it, I- I replaced Gresh's ribs and, and I fixed his lungs when the Skrall got him and he hasn't had problems with them since, I told you I could do it, I'm good at fixing-!"
"I know that, and Gresh told me you did real well," the older Gaquri stopped him, "But - don't take it personally, kid, you're good and all, but when it comes to my leg I only trust you as far as I can throw you and believe me, it ain't far."
"But then why does he get to do it!" Berix wailed, pointing at Nuparu still scrubbing off the limestone.
"He's got a whole body like this, I'd imagine he knows what to do."
"But I know what to do too!"
"I told you, I'd rather have a specialist on it."
The Toa briefly wondered if being a descendant of the Water Tribe had something to do with how outstandingly wet Berix could will his eyes to look, or if it was just a specifically Berix thing.
Mabe it was an Agori defense mechanism. After all, it would have been pretty hard to want to hurt something that appeared to be the personification of the verbs 'to whimper', 'to whine', 'to sob', and last but not least 'to wail'.
Whatever the origin of such an expression of anguish, Tarix was not immune to its effects: "Oh, don't be like that," he finally pleaded with a tired but guilty tone, and pointed off to the cluttered desk not too far away: "There, I've got something for you too, alright? I came in 'cause my Thornax launcher's busted and you're the best with 'em. Could you fix that for me? Pretty please?"
That was enough to light the younger being's face up again.
With the sort of excited thin howling laugh that a mischievous ghost might have, he scuttled away to the mess of a table that was the headquarters for most of his projects: onto it he dumped the rest of his scraps, not caring even in the slightest that it only helped to worsen the general situation he already had going on as he was already completely absorbed by the thought of the inner mechanics of the weapon at hand.
The perfectly good chair right beside him thoroughly ignored in favor of sitting on the ground in a curled position that would have made a shrimp suggest booking an osteopathic appointment, he immediately started tinkering around to figure what the problem was with the drive and precision of a blood hound.
That had been perhaps one of the best things their unplanned collaboration had brought Nuparu - aside from all the knick-knacks and thingamajigs and vehicles and tools he'd been able to make or just plan out with the Agori, of course. Watching Berix work on something was such a fun and fascinating experience: his intensity gave his body language a sort of visceral desperation that contrasted his careful fumbling motions, pulling pieces apart with his scarred skeletal fingers and letting them fall all around him as though discarded carelessly - yet he somehow always knew where to search when he needed them again, and if in the middle of his fixer's frenzy you asked him for a specific nut or a gear he could pick it up without even looking, always on the first try. The thunderous act of creation and its rhythmic symphony played on rough instruments whisked the both of them away from the world at large, but when the Toa managed to pull himself back to reality (whether done or stumped or just in need of a break) it was enjoyable if not just all-together mesmerizing to observe the other hard at work on his own project.
A loud bang was not enough to deter him from the launcher either.
The equally loud voice that followed with an exasperated bark did, however: "BERIX! THE DOOR!"
"RIGHT! RIGHT- RIGHT, HOLD ON!" he squeaked hurriedly, abandoning (with a little more care) the weapon to scuttle away as fast as he could to the entrance of their laboratory.
The figure that emerged from the held open door replied to his rambling apologies by grunting every few steps - not without reason, seeing as they were carrying the carcass of an older model of chariot intertwined with some other mean of transport that had clearly gotten lodged sideways in its back, trying to balance the hellish thing on their shoulders in a way not too dissimilar to how a shepherd might carry a too small Mahi tired from a day of running wildly.
The mess of a car accident was dropped rather gracelessly onto the first largest spot of floor available; freed from their herculean weight, the being sighed and pulled back their arms, making the rather dull metal vertebrae poking from their skin creak in a somewhat unsettling fashion.
Nuparu briefly wondered if they were encrusted in limestone too.
They sort of looked like it.
Hm.
Now he had to wonder if it was a common yet not very well-known problem for organic beings with mechanical implants. Maybe it had to do with an excessive production of sweat?
While he was busy pondering that, Tarix grinned at the sight: "Hello, my beautiful wife who sucks at killing me," he crooned lovingly.
Vastus turned to him with a smirk, thin feathers raised and brows slightly furrowed in a manner that was much more fond than annoyed: "Hello, my beautiful husband who can't aim for shit," he replied; upon noticing the Toa kneeled before him, he cheekily added: "Committing adultery, I see?"
His partner wheezed a loud gurgling laugh: "Twelve thousand years we've been married! Twelve thousand years and now you mistake me for Gelu!"
"For who?"
"What, you haven't heard about--?"
"NOT IN FRONT OF MY PROJECTS!" Berix shrieked.
The Lebori chuckled - it was a strange sound, some kind of hiccuping hiss - and reached out to rub his hand all over the younger Gaquri's head; the kid swiveled away from him with a soft rattling noise as his annoyed trembling arms shook his scales against one another, face contorting into a piqued grimace, and returned to the launcher to tinker the other two away from his conscious perception.
"And where'd you get that?" the Glatorian inquired, pointing at it with his chin as it was common to do in his tribe and getting no answer.
"It's mine," his husband reassured him, "He's fixing it."
"Jammed again?"
"Seems like it."
"Bet you just didn't clean it properly."
"You don't know that."
"But I'm right," Vastus teased him as he approached to steal the pipe from his mouth. "And over here, what's going on?"
"He's fixin' up my leg. Nuparu, by the way, that's his name - he's a, ah, Ko- nope, Onu-Toa, he said - thought it was rust but I had limestone in it."
"We can get limestone?"
"Might be the sweating," Nuparu interrupted them suddenly. He fixed his unmoving mask onto the Lebori: "Can you turn around, please?"
Tarix snorted at the other's brief baffled blink: "Hey now, kid, I get you've put your hands in me and all, but you shouldn't go around just checking my wife out like that!"
"NOT! IN FRONT! OF THE PROJECTS!"
The Toa looked between the three of them with no clue what any of them was going on about: "I thought there might have been crusts on the vertebrae," he explained. "Since I have the solvent at hand already, I could handle that already if it's the case..."
"That's what they all say," the Gaquri snickered.
His confusion was palpable.
Vastus flicked a playful finger at his husband's head, warning him: "Berix is gonna kick you out at this rate... But I'm sure it's just some dust, kid, nothing to worry about."
"It still would not hurt to do a simple visual check."
"He's right," Tarix interjected while trying to snatch his pipe back and failing: "Maybe you've been building up a limestone deposit this whole time without knowing it."
"I don't have limestone."
"You don't know that."
Vastus smirked at him as he turned around for Nuparu to check: "But I'm right."
"You can't keep answering that and get away with it."
"I can if I'm always right."
The inventor gave a high pitched hum: "False alarm. That's just dust," he confirmed.
A triumphant grin briefly met the Gaquri's eyes as he rolled them.
Nuparu reached into a box to pull out a short variety of springs in order to compare their size with that of the one that had been bent by the affected piston, now cleaned and hopefully ready to work smoothly; careful not to dislodge anything else, he carefully pried the ill piece out and hooked up its replacement.
Satisfied with how the procedure had done, he pulled himself back a little and announced: "I have another question."
"Shoot," Tarix answered instantly.
"What do 'wife' and 'husband' mean, exactly?"
A hot second of silence passed in which the Glatorian regretted opening his mouth.
He glanced at Vastus.
His wife glanced back.
The quiet persisted.
"We're married," he answered lamely at last.
The question he dreaded slapped him in the face with outstanding punctuality: "And what does that mean?"
Having had his fun of seeing his husband's best full-body impression of a yam turning exponentially smaller when fried to a crisp piece of coal, the Lebori finally intervened: "You folks have contracts?"
"We do."
"Marriage is a contract between people where you become part of one other's family. And tribe, if you're from different ones like us."
A vacuous gaze met his explanation.
"Alright, what's confusing you?"
"The 'becoming part of' thing."
Vastus shrugged, his feathers puffing out for a moment before returning flat in a way similar to how certain avian Rahi did before starting a very long song: "It means we become relatives," he tried again. "Here, look - Tarix is a Gaquri and I'm a Lebori, so my family and hers come from different tribes. By marrying me she became a sort of honorary member of the Jungle tribe, and everybody treats her almost as though she was my brother, or my cousin; in the same manner, I became an honorary member of the Water tribe and I'm treated like her sister or cousin."
"So... It's sort of like assembling a team?" Nuparu tilted his head, puzzled: "There's no need for a contract for that. All Toa consider each other siblings already."
The other clicked his tongue as though he'd bitten it by accident: "I shouldn't have used that metaphor," he muttered.
"Why not?"
"First of all marrying your actual blood-siblings is frowned upon."
"Why? What's a blood-sibling?"
"I'll tell you when you're older. Secondly, I can assure you marriage is nothing like siblinghood."
At that, the Toa frowned: "It sounds the same to me."
"Your knee and Tarix's look the same to me, too," Vastus argued: "They're both made of metal, so they're the same thing."
"They really aren't." then he blinked, bright eyes flashing briefly, looked to the ceiling to recollect his thought, gave a loud hum, and met his gaze again: "I see your point."
The Glatorian smiled: "Good kid."
"Back to the point - how do 'wife' and 'husband' fit with all that?"
"That's just how you call someone who's married."
"So they're synonyms?"
"Yes, pretty much."
The answer seemed to satisfy the inventor greatly.
"I'm learning so much about your species today," he commented in a giddy tone. He returned to the discarded robot calf on the floor, dusting off its mechanical parts to make sure not even small amounts of debris would interefere with its functions; just as he plucked it back into the bulk of the implant, he looked again at the two Glatorian and told them with complete and total earnestness: "You know, if you were significantly smaller, quadrupedal, perhaps vaguely insectoid and incapable of speech, Turaga Whenua would have the best day of his life writing down and trying to decypher your absolutely incomprehensible habits."
That was the highest compliment an Onu-Matoran from the island of Mata Nui could bestow upon someone.
It was not categorizable as such by perhaps any other being in the entire universe, considering the source of such an idiom had been cut off from all other known civilizations and it was generally not considered particularly flattering to be told that you would make for a great petri dish for one's paternal figure to microscope if you were any less sentient, but luckily his tone did manage to properly convey the positive nature of his otherwise insane sentence.
So instead of knocking his head off with roundhouse kick, Tarix and Vastus smiled awkwardly in an attempt at not laughing in his face and just replied: "Thanks."
His Volitak did not have a mouth, but Nuparu's grin was blinding.
Berix chose that moment to shriek triumphantly.
"Fixed!" he declared, Thornax launcher hoisted into the air like it was the second making of the Element Lords.
The older Gaquri turned to him with eyes wide: "What, already?"
"It was encrusted with Thornax juice!"
Not even the time to feel bashful about such a silly and easy to fix thing hindering his battling performance so much that his wife was already leaning down into his line of sight with a smirk so wide that he could have just bitten his whole head off with it.
"What did I say?" he teased.
Tarix sighed, a weary smile on his face: "You cannot keep getting away with this."
"Yes I can," Vastus gloated, "If I'm always right."
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idlesuperstar · 6 months
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My. Sounds like a love story.
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There is no way of softening this. Coronabeth Tridentarius has already been radicalised.
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Camilla Hect's opinion is that the whole Tridentarii stratagem was the initiative of Ianthe Tridentarius. Though I was taken in by the twins' swindle I am not taken in by this. Coronabeth Tridentarius has never been party to anything she did not want to do, and never successfully carried out a plan she didn't think up first.
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"In point of fact that's not actually Crown's boyfriend, Nona, it's her sister, but I don't think anyone could blame you for getting confused."
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All four pairs of their eyes belonged to other people. Pyrrha's deep brown eyes really came from her dead best friend, and Camilla's clear grey eyes should have really been Palamedes's, and vice versa with his wintertime irises ... "You see," Palamedes had said to her, "the eyes are a dead giveaway. When you give yourself to someone else, their soul shows in yours by the eye colour; that's why you'll never see me looking out of Camilla's face with my own eyes again."
"He's going to know, Hect. You're killing each other."
"It's our choice."
"He's going to ask."
"Do what you're good at," said Camilla. "Lie."
"Hect, you're not listening. It's killing him too - ."
"It was good," said Camilla, and her eyes closed. "It was good. We were happy."
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"I don't let go," said Camilla. "It's my one thing."
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Thinking about the Lyctors and their cavs.
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triglycercule · 2 months
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if dust takes off his hood and scarf then nobody can recognize him. he has literally no permanent traits that make him recognizable (which actually kinds upsets me because,,,,, there is no physical representation of his character development from sans to dust BUT EAAHHHH whatever,,, we cope with it.) but in like a silly goofy comedic way. it's like perry the playapus ans dr doofenshirmst (incorrect spelling but only by societies standards)
dust with hood down and no scarf
killer: a sans?
he puts on the scarf
horror: a GENOCIDE sans???
the hood goes up
killer: DUST SANS AKA MURDER SANS AKA DUSTTALE SANS FROM HIT AU DUSTTALE?????
horror's skull breaks a second time on the other side from sheer shock
#why use mtt for this example? WHY NOT USE MTT FOR THIS EXAMPLE#heh. buddy pal chummy chum friend you forgot who you're talking to. this is triglycercule pal.#the fella with the name mttmttmtt? the fella who has a pfp and banner of them? the fella whos posts are 78% about them?#heh.... these beta beginners have no idea whos post theyre reading..... 𝓸𝓲 𝓸𝓲 𝓸𝓲..... 𝓫𝓪𝓪𝓪𝓪𝓪𝓴𝓪...........#please do not let that previous tag effect your perception of me that was in a satirical way#anyways this ide is so funny. i think if i had more motivation to draw comics this one would absolutely pop off. but i dont#my issue is that majority of the ideas i think of in my head appear in COMIC form#so its either slave away at drawing and burn out motivation or write a post that cant fully encapsulate all my ideas#well of course i'll take the easier route because i'm a lazy prick#BUT STILL. guys if anyone ever wants to steal my content to make a comic or write something or draw something#i give you permission to do so. you can steal my content all you want#as long as you say it was inspired by someone. dont even have to say who.... but you'll know. and i'll know. and that's enough for me#no but on a serious not if someone actually used my shitty tumblr posts as inspiration to draw something i would be SO FUCKING HONORED#the day that happens is the day i ascend to heaven. not because i killed myself tho. i'd go to hell if i did that#i hope someone laughs at these tags because i sure am#it may just be the lack of friends to tell me if i'm funny or not but i consider myself the funniest person. ever#put me up to a stage and tell me to do stand up i'd have everyone chortling#except the crowd has to be my fans#ANYWAYS time to get to work. dattebayo ‼️‼️‼️🤣👊👊#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#ohhh is this a hc. absolutely but a really really silly one#often times than not i come up with headcanons and then i proceed not to actually headcanon characters as that. huh#tricule hc
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scatterpatter · 6 months
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HEY YOU SHOULD WATCH THE BRAVE LITTLE TOASTER
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Oh nooooo if only there were an easy way to find it tho... if only... oh man... if only- oh oops sorry I tripped-
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Oh man if only it were easy to watch... oh man...................
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marmolita · 1 day
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I am suffering, the only people who want to talk about ffxv with me all the time are my children and I simply cannot express 99% of my thoughts on it to them 😅
it's definitely missing 2017 xv fandom hours around here
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crimeronan · 4 months
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eternally fond of writing princess luz and hunter's relationship because it's mostly just hunter going "honestly i'm really lucky. most people never find someone they want to kill and die for forever at any given moment. i don't know why i'd ever get upset about being so loyal to you that i will unquestioningly let you kill me to death" while luz is like [actively crying with gratitude] "you are so fucking crazy. stop being nice to me."
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genericpuff · 2 years
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I've come to the stunning realization-
-that Lore Olympus is basically to the webtoons industry what Youtube Kids is to Youtube.
And I'm not talking about the general "Youtube Kids" label, I'm talking about those videos - Elsagate, Johny Johny, Cocomelon, Mickey Mouse tattooing Spongebob or whatever other weird example you can think of - which are explicitly designed to game the algorithm, turn views into money, and most of all, gain and keep the attention of the one demographic that won't question what they're consuming - children.
!!!!THIS POST HAS FAST PASS SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!
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I mean, this is undoubtedly just a tinfoil hat theory, but think about it:
Bright oversaturated colors that are attention-grabbing.
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Meme faces and 'lol rAnDoM' humor even when it doesn't suit the situation at all.
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Art that's all around ugly and cheap on a technical level but still stands out due to its color design and prioritized advertising.
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Vapid surface level scene-to-scene writing that doesn't connect or have any meaning in any coherent way.
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One-dimensional projection characters who are easy to manipulate and sway for audience sympathy or anger even if those opinions change on a dime based on actions in the moment.
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Cliffhangers that are less like true cliffhangers and more like clickbait. Episodes nowadays tend to be filled with drawn out plotlines, vague hints that can be applied to just about any school of thought, and non-sequitur memes to fill the time until they can hook the reader with another cliffhanger to keep them coming back next week.
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Coin prices have gone up but episode length, substance, and quality have noticeably gone down. Even if they reach the same panel count they usually have, dialogue is minimal and pacing is brutally inconsistent to the point that plot progression is often non-existent.
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Banner ads that run constantly, often in the first or second (or both) slots, with push notifications and pop-up ads also becoming more frequent whether you're subscribed to the comic or not.
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And underneath ALL of that, we've got blatant objectifying and sexualization of female characters regardless of context, misogyny that claims to be progressive, racist undertones, borderline fetish content that constantly toes the Terms of Services line, normalization of problematic/toxic relationship dynamics, a creator who's more interested in 'getting back' at critics than writing an actual story, and underlying messaging both from the characters' and the creator's behavior that encourage witch-hunting, rejection of accountability, and blind devotion.
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All this is essentially why I've given up consuming LO entirely, beyond just on a critical level as of late. There was a time long ago when I stuck around in the hopes it was going to get better, that maybe it was just going through a "rough patch" as some stories do. After that I stuck around because I wanted to see how it could possibly pull off its ending. And then after that, I simply stuck around for the laughs and community banter. But now I don't even find it funny anymore, the punchline of how bad it is has gotten incredibly old. And at this rate, as much as we'd like to believe it's going to end in its third season as it's been mentioned in the past, we also were told it was going to end between 100-200 episodes prior to that - the way it's going, I can't even stick around "for the ending" because LO is going to be around for as long as WT tries to milk it, despite it no longer having a heartbeat.
As much as I've loved talking shit about this comic and it's undoubtedly the main reason so many of you followed me here in the first place, I'm not going to lock myself in some kind of purgatory hell just to be proven what I already know is going to happen - either the comic continues on forever, doomed to be a lifeless mascot for the zombie corporation that is WT, or RS eats shit while trying to stick the landing with a plane that has no functional parts.
There's a quote from Caddicarus that I couldn't help but think of as I typed this up, from his nearly-decade-old review of Dalmations 3 (oh god, it's nearly been a decade since that video came out what the actual fuck-)
"And this is where I officially lost all fucking care. I realized it wasn't going to end anytime soon. It's one of those rare instances where the novelty of how awful everything is actually gets really tiresome and unfunny." - Caddicarus
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sapphosclown · 1 year
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Cynthia didn’t want to talk about why she bailed on the play. She’s her fathers daughter, she grew up with basically four older brothers, feelings are not something she talks about, they’re not something anybody is supposed to know except for herself. As soon as she sees the pink ladies at her door, she goes to shut them down. She’s supposed to be alone, these are just some girls anyway, they don’t care about her.
Except they do. They push themselves inside despite her protests. That’s new. No one has ever pushed so hard to be there for her. But they are, and they’re listening. She said she doesn’t wanna talk, they said okay! They said let’s just chill and watch TV and be fucking happy for once.
That’s when Cynthia realizes she finally has friends.
They’re not the girls in her class who bullied her for grass stained skirts, they’re not the boys who- despite growing up together- disregard her constantly, they’re not her father offering her a beer when he doesn’t know what to say, and they’re not just the girl gang of Rydell. They’re friends. They notice her, they hear her, they want to be there for her.
Cynthia doesn’t talk about her feelings, but she knows she has people to lean on. That’s all she’s ever wanted anyway.
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good-beans · 8 months
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Please tell me about Lukas.
Sincerely, a poor soul who is obsessed with Milgram but knows very little about Fire Emblem.
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Lukas is my beloved character of all time :) Comfort character to rival all comfort characters :) He’s just like me fr :) He’s so healing to watch heal :)
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He’s from Fire Emblem Echoes, and for a good portion of the game he’s that mentor/tutorial character who helps you/the protagonist through the new world you’re thrown into. The thing was, they put together an incredibly complex asexual, neurodivergent guy who’s not really in it for the fighting (but is damned good at it anyway). They gave him the sweetest and saddest smile possible. They gave him the most relaxing voice you could imagine. They gave him two of the wackiest and complimentary friends. How could I not fall in love?
Basically, he reveals that he’s not involved in this whole war because he wanted to be – his father and brother conspired to send him away to fight for their own gain, not really caring if he lived or died. He took on the new life with just as much motivation as if he chose it himself, though. He’s not here for any dreams of glory or violence, he just wants to help the new friends he’s made ;-; He has a really big heart, but he’s not afraid to make the tough call and commit war crimes. He’s gentle to the child soldier protagonists, but is the first person to trust them and allow them into the army. 
Fire Emblem is notorious for its fanservice, which is why I will forever be Insane over his support conversation with one of those friends I mentioned. He describes his struggles with romance and desire, perfectly describing an asexual experience. His friend, Python, responds with so much kindness. It’s done with a lot of tact and respect, and was one of the final pieces to my own acceptance of my asexuality. 
Less intended, but he talks about his struggles with emotions that comes off as low-empathy neurodivergence, or a form of Alexithymia. He doesn’t feel strong emotions most of the time, then occasionally gets swept up in them and lashes out. (Sorry for all the tmi but) this is also something I struggle with. Though I come off overly excited online, I’ve dealt with the same coldness/heartless accusations he has. His writing and voice acting really drive it home, and it’s wonderful to see. Once again, he’s treated with immense respect for this trait. He feels self-conscious about it, but the cast sees that as a strength of his.
His relationship with the other two knights is super fun! I could go on separate rants about Python and Forsyth, but just know they are equally perfect. They all compliment one another so well, and hype each other up in such lovely ways. They've even got a fun RGB color scheme going on :3
OKAY I AM CUTTING MYSELF OFF because I could go on forever about him 😂 He holds such a special place in my heart -- it's silly, but thank you sm for asking :’) And, since you mentioned Milgram, this reminded me of a super goofy comparison to Yuno I made as one of my first Milgram posts, as well as my wips of the Fuuta-Lukas outfit swap I need to finish...
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thedreadvampy · 10 months
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The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.
It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.
#red said#i don't know that i can express this clearly but it's the most encouraging thing in my life#my mum's always been proud of me but just lately she seems to actually really admire me#like she's genuinely impressed. she thinks I've surpassed her. i don't necessarily agree but it's a really nice quiet joy.#anyway like this sounds super up myself and it kind of is.#but also it's part of realising just how heavy the weight I've been carrying around with me for 25 years was#like not to be ridiculous but i have realised again this week. that it isn't that everyone's been raped that much and doesn't talk about it#i just have been raped an Unusually Consistent Amount. i have spoken to a lot of people who have had much more horrifying things happen.#I'm not sure I've talked to more than a couple of people who've had a similar level of total consistency of abuse from all angles#and the one is not heavier or harder to bear that the other. but. i think i spent most of my life listening to people's awful experiences#and going ok well nothing i went through looked that bad so it's microtrauma#obviously microtraumas build up but still.#then the older i get and the more i have these conversations the more I notice that stuff which to me is a microtrauma#is a lot of people's defining trauma. and they're reacting appropriately which means i am SO SEVERELY UNDERREACTING#told my friend the other day about a time someone who i still like and respect was having sex with me when i paralocated my hip#and then just kept getting really annoyed with me for not being ready to have sex again while i was literally crying with pain#until i caved and just tried to find the last painful position#and my friend was like pal what the fuck that's horrific#and i was like i mean no that's normal I've had sex with like maybe 3 or 4 people in my life who i haven't had similar stuff with#like i am genuinely thrown when i am allowed to say no to sex and have it be the end of the conversation. and not end up having sex#out of guilt or out of physical coercion or through physical rape. and i have had sex with probably like 40 people at this stage?#and I'm not sure it's as many as 4 i haven't had that experience with tbh#so like. I'm slowly coming to terms with the idea#that i may have actually been doing a hell of a lot of heavy lifting.#like i developed a sense of self that can survive being constantly crushed and at this stage is fucking diamond.
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