#T4T GAY MEN THESE TWO REAL TO **ME**

[jetglider]

yaoi

[unlimitedgolden]

I have toontown headcanons to share so I'm going to just go for it + canon honorifics

PRONOUNS!!!!!!11!11 ROMANCE!!11 AHHHHH1!!!11

Deep Diver is a bigender baddie, she/he (Mr/Ms). Update: I think it'd be really funny if Deep Diver was bigender and bisexual. baby bi bi bi,,,

Gatekeeper she/her (Ms) and also the swaggiest butch lesbian you'll ever see

Firestarter he/they (Mr/Mx) otd. My brain says demiboy and I KNOW he is gay as hell

Featherbedder they/he/she (Mx/Mr/Ms), non-binary in some way, most likely genderfluid. I don't know enough about them right now so that's all I got

Major Player he/hymn (Mr) (this is straight up from the official server), and I honestly think he's pan with a preference to men (Buck Ruffler and their freaky fusion)

Chainsaw Consultant looking like a he/they (Mr) transman, I also think he's bi

Mouthpiece my grandma. She/her (Mrs) and I am a trans grandma truther. She is the elder transhet to me.

Rainmaker she/they (Ms/Mx) and CALL ME INSANE BUT I think they're transmasc and I love her ok. Also bi

Witch Hunter he/him (Mr) and I don't know enough about him yet except he seems like a miserable bloke and a hater

Duck Shuffler he/they/it (Mr) transmasc (projecting lowkey) and he is gay as hell as well idc

Treekiller he/him (Mr) and I don't know enough about him yet either SORRY

Plutocrat he/him (Don/Mr) he seems cishet but I also don't know enough about him either

Bellringer he/him (Mr). I think he's cis but experimenting with he/they. Bi, British, Bell.

Prethinker he/him (Mr) transman? Transmasc? Not sure but he's transgender. Also pan

Multislacker He/They but maybe she too (Mr/Mx) methinks genderfluid. Its the colourscheme I promise. Somewhere on the asexual spectrum to me. Romance? Maybe, maybe not. Not sure.

Pacesetter he/him (Mr) + transman swagger with the gay gay boyfriend on top

RELATIONSHIPS + FAMILY WOOOAHHHH

Prefacing this with the warning of multishipping for funsies and I am a believer of polycules argue with the wall

Deep Diver according to cogs.ink hates Gatekeeper and Treekiller which is so funny to me because I think Deep Diver and Gatekeeper would be cute together

Deep Diver/Gatekeeper with Rainmaker is also so fire. Polycule them NOW

Firestarter and Pacesetter canon boyfriends

Also that one headcanon of Firestarter and Rainmaker being siblings is so cute I'm adopting it

Major Player fused with Duck Shuffler that one time and even though its not a canon event they're really good together. Love wins in every universe

Chainsaw Consultant with Duck Shuffler (thanks Sludge) kissy mwah mwah

Chainsaw Consultant and Rainmaker t4t swagger btw

Rainmaker already mentioned all above but yeah she should get soooo much love. Love wins. Multishipping wins. Polycules win.

Duck Shuffler has two hands to hold one for Major Player and one for Chainsaw Consultant. Polycules babeeey!!! And then I'm on his leg like a diseased animal.

Treekiller and Chainsaw Consultant brothers for realsies

Sometimes I think about that animatic with Plutocrat being interested in Mouthpiece with the spongebob audio. Yknow the one by cogmics. Lives in my head

Bellringer and Prethinker kissing. Idk where it came from but I think they're cute too

Also whoever came up with Pacesetter and Multislacker having a sibling like bond os brilliant. Adopted that hc now too.

Other STUPID HCS before I forget

RUNNING IN TO EDIT THIS BEFORE I FORGET. DUCK SHUFFLER AUTISM ADHD COMBO

CHAINSAW CONSULTANT AUTISM HC REAL TOO

I was talking to my sister about this one but I think it'd be funny if cogs reproduced by just building their offspring like in the Robots movie.

Building my son from scrap parts I found

And again in convo with my sister it'd be funny if toons reproduced by just drawing their children since they're literally cartoons

She said if you look ugly as a toon sorry your parents were just bad at art LMFAO

Furthermore this was to build our own lore on why our toons are siblings but different species and since we agree our dad would be a cog (which I did design) that he must've drawn our toons

Mfw we are our fathers oc

OK I think that's everything for now. I'm immediately sending this to everyone I know for approval

[transmascpetewentz]

Had a terf try arguing with me that I'm not a "true homosexual" or some BS because I'm a trans man. I've only ever dated and been attracted to other trans men. I'm on the aromantic and asexual spectrums so it's hard for me to become attracted to people, and it's a total coincidence that the few people have either had a crush on or dated have been trans. Okay maybe not that big of a coincidence, I live in Chicago and two of the people I dated were long distance relationships but still. I didn't even know what t4t was until a few years ago. My longest relationship has been 6 years, still with him.

They went on a whole rant on how I'm just a lesbian because my partners and I were both afab. What a way to move the goal posts. I literally fit their stupid ideal on what a gay trans man is supposed to look like but nope.

By their stupid definitions I'm a "real gay man". Because I'm 'same sex attracted" in their eyes but it's still not good enough, they have to find a way to group me in with lesbianism even though I'm not attracted to women.

My partner and I both live our lives as men, are perceived as men, love each other as men, go through every aspect of our lives as men, and are men. What we happen to be misassigned at birth does not change who I am or what labels I'm allowed to use. Absolutely insane that they see two people who are men loving each other and think "yep, they're lesbians!".

Absolutely not a surprise that no matter what gay trans men do they will always hate us and jump through hoops to disprove our male homosexuality.

Every damn time lmao.

[demisexual-eddie-diaz]

i respect trans people of the opposite gender and support the community, but i can't imagine having a romantic attraction to them.

i tell myself, and I'm 99.9% sure I believe, that those individuals are truly [that gender]. But somewhere in my brain just goes "nope. no attraction today" .

assuming that i actually am attracted to [aforementioned gender],

is that transphobic?

Hi, friend

So I will be honest with you and give two sides of this perspective

Personal feelings:

As a gay, trans man this is something that I’ve struggled with in the past. The idea that gay men won’t see me as a ‘real man’ and that bi men will see me as a ‘two for one deal’(or something like that). It’s something that I’ve internalized that I’m working on. It’s not helped by the fact that I’ve never dated anyone. This makes me feel othered. “Not man enough for the gay men, but a dream for the bi men”.

Outside perspective:

It is one hundred percent, perfectly, *perfectly* fine to not find a trans person attractive. People have the right to have genital preferences. People have the right to date who they want to date. Especially if the person is queer. I’m sure there are lesbians that would only date cis women and ,like I said, there are gay men that would only date cis men. And straight people, as long as they’re allies, deserve this same respect. Or bi people. Or pan people. Or however else someone were to identify. I don’t think this makes someone a bad person, truly. There’s almost a pushback, or rather there is, of people who say they wouldn’t date a trans person. But that doesn’t inherently make that person transphobic.

Third thing, as for what you’ve said here:

You said that you’re an ally. That you respect the trans community. That you see us as the gender we identify with. How could that be transphobic? Your support is what we need. If you feel like you couldn’t be attracted to a trans person, you wouldn’t want to date a trans person, or you wouldn’t want to sleep with a trans person that’s one hundred percent okay. Like I said, this doesn’t make you transphobic. There’s actually people who are t4t, trans people who would only date trans people. And if cis people can’t have this same right it’s honestly hypocritical. So no, this doesn’t make you transphobic, in my opinion.

-Matthew(he/him)

[number1villainstan]

How do you feel about Shigg/Overhaul? I'm going over your Overhaul stuff cause I find him interesting and I see your takes but i can never understand why ppl like Kuruno/Chisaki aren't they like raised together as brothers? I know they arent blood but wasnt that his bro? I'm not like trying to make controversy I'm trying to understand and asking two different questions sorry if I come off like mean or something I'm really asking a genuine question I haven't seen season 4 in a while I'm gonna rewatch it soon

Okay so, the questions you're asking are "Why do people like Chronohaul so much, aren't they like brothers?" and "What do you think of Shigahaul?", is that right? I'm gonna tackle the Chronohaul one first, which is a two parter: first I'll tackle aren't they bros and second I'll tackle what do you see in it. Then I'll talk about Shigahaul, because I do have thoughts on that ship. And I'm also gonna put it all under a read-more cuz I can already tell this is going to get LONG.

Okay, so, first: Aren't Kurono and Chisaki like brothers? We know that canon has never stated that they're blood-related, and if they were canonically blood-related it would be stated in canon. However, the yakuza (as I understand it, which may be way off) tends to structure itself in a mimicry of a blood family, with the oyaji as the "father" and patriarch and the men under him as the "sons"/underlings, which would lend itself to a familial interpretation of Kurono and Chisaki's relationship.

However, the yakuza isn't actually a family, as much as it likes to use familial connotations, and I at least very much do not see Kurono and Chisaki as like siblings in any way. I believe the only look that we got in canon at Kurono's childhood was Kurono saying that Chisaki has been very driven since he was a child, implying that he knew Chisaki as a child; however, from Chisaki's flashback, we can infer that he was in his late childhood when he arrived at the Hassaikai, and while the implication of what Kurono says is likely supposed to be that Kurono was in the Hassaikai as a child, it doesn't say that outright, which is something I will liberally abuse if it gets me my angsty gay t4t Chronohaul. Kurono could very well have simply been in a nearby orphanage until well into his teen years, rather than be in the Hassaikai.

My other point to this question is a little bit more controversial, and it is: even if Chronohaul did have weird incest vibes, so what? I'm not into incest ships myself, they tend to squick me out, but I know people who are, and they usually hold the incest and toxicity as a feature, not a bug. These aren't real people, they're fictional characters. None of their pain or drama is real, as much as we like to pretend it is. And shipping is, at its core, creating new stories; maybe someone who ships Chronohaul does it specifically because they want to explore the pseudo-incest dimensions. (Not me--like I said, earlier, I very much do not see these two as 'like siblings'--but different strokes for different folks.) Different people are going to interpret a story differently, and different people are going to find value and enjoyment in different kinds of stories. That's how people work.

But on to the second part of your first question: what do I see in Chronohaul? The answer is a lot of things, so strap down and let me see if I can create a semi-coherent list:

It adds depth to both Chisaki's and Kurono's character, or at least it can if used well. It adds an extra layer of motivation and tragedy onto Kurono's canonical dogged loyalty, and/or it provides a motivation for Chisaki to hold specifically Kurono close. Assuming this motivation rather than other motivations also changes their actions in AU scenarios, especially in interesting ways. And of course, you can also ask the question of what is their relationship like: are there romantic elements? Sexual? What kind of commitment do they have, if any? How do they approach this relationship? What kinds of communication issues do they have, and how do they work (or not work) around them? Could they have a happy ending or is this a relationship--or one-sided crush--that's inevitably going to end up in flames?

It provokes questions to flesh out their environment and characters around them. We get relatively little information about the Hassaikai in canon--what its people think about it, what its internal politics are, names for people outside the 8PoDs, where are all the women (well. I can answer that one: the yakuza is notoriously a boys only club, and women were usually only part of any yakuza clan through being the wife of a member, and they were also usually treated as servants. <-all of this has some SERIOUS implications for what eri's mother is/was like but that's a post for another time). Assuming that there is a romantic, sexual, or otherwise queer relationship between the wakagashira and his lieutenant provokes the questions: are they open about it? If not, why not? If so, how do the people around them react? Is this a 'normal' relationship for the Hassaikai, or are they seen as weird? Are they under the threat of violence? IIRC, yakuza clans tend to be highly conservative, but their homophobia takes the form of "bottoming is emasculating" rather than "all gays should die"--is there an imbalance in which one of them gets targeted? Who attacks them, who defends them?

Canon has enough information to make them interesting characters, but there's still lots of blank space to play around in (and canon doesn't necessarily do a good job with what it does give us). This one is the biggest reason why I get attached to rarepairs and underdeveloped villains in general, if you can't tell from my ramblings on the first two points. Funny story, but I actually got into BnHA because I knew some friends who shipped Dabihaul, so I ended up watching through the Hassaikai arc *specifically* for Overhaul. (Dabi ended up not grabbing me the same way.) (I also ended up dropping it after the Hassaikai arc was finished because I just did not care enough now that I'd seen Overhaul.) So you can imagine my disappointment when I finished the Hassaikai arc and all I'd gotten was an underdeveloped hate sink character who was apparently supposed to be a stereotypical psychopath. Still, I was already attached, and I ended up making a lot of headcanons to flesh out his character through spite, and because I was fleshing out his character it followed naturally that I had to flesh out his environment and his relationships with the people around him. Chronohaul grabbed me in the process, and it became part of the newly-fleshed-out core of the character I had created with the scraps I'd gotten from canon.

It's hot. Being aegosexual, I don't process 'hot' in the same way that most other people do--I don't experience sexual attraction, and don't think that individual people are hot, but sex as a concept (sex as part of a story) still appeals to and titillates me. And there's a lot about Chronohaul that has a lot of potential to be very, very horny. I won't go into much more detail here, since this is a mostly sfw blog, but just know that Le Horny does play a part in it.

And finally: Pure fucking inertia. I've been shipping these two since I got into BnHA several years ago, and I have layers upon layers of headcanons and ideas baked into my head that were created specifically to appeal to myself, and that I can dive into at any time. Potential symbols and themes, AUs and AUs of those AUs, a hundred variations on each of a hundred different story ideas. A well-known but ever-shifting area that I'm free to explore and change at will. You know how it is.

Anyways, those are my reasons, although I'm afraid I didn't express them super clearly. I know other people have other reasons, like a mutual who likes/liked the 'childhood friends' aspect of it, so you could also shoot an ask to other Chronohaul shippers asking them what they like about Chronohaul. I hope this gives you some of the answers you're looking for!

Anyways, on to the final part of this, which is what do you think of Shigahaul? My feelings on Shigahaul are approximately indifference, but approaching it from the positive-feelings side. It doesn't grab me like some other ships do (Chronohaul, Kaizawa, Kai/Fuyumi) but I don't dislike it. I'll read Shigahaul fics if the premise seems interesting, but I generally won't go searching for them unless I'm desperate. Hell, I have at least one AU (which I'm not sure I've ever written down before) where Shigahaul just...happened. I didn't put it there on purpose--it was just a logical conclusion of the way I'd set things up. Funnily enough, the storyline of that AU was mostly Chronohaul, but there was definitely Shigahaul in the AU.

And now I'm going to explain the AU because I have to. And I want to. It's a God AU, in which many of the characters are gods, but they're not gods in the way you're thinking--I'm not borrowing an existing pantheon for this. Instead, here, 'gods' are more like emergent properties, the consciousnesses of universal processes, and more importantly they exist independent of human concepts and perception. There's no god of love--that's a social phenomenon, and a vaguely defined one at best--but there is a god of stellar nucleosynthesis, a god of gravity, a god of the electromagnetic force--you get it. There are also, to get more to the point, gods of Life and Death/Decay, as in the biochemical processes that make things alive and the physical/biochemical processes that occur once something that was once alive stops being alive but still exists. Chisaki is the god of Life here (known for being volatile yet tenacious, much like Life itself), and Shigaraki is the younger god of Death (younger because multicellular life had to evolve first--what is a unicellular corpse supposed to be? It's just a lump of molecules), and when I realized how this was set up, and what their history would be--how they'd be fundamentally inseparable--the Shigahaul was a natural conclusion.

Thanks for the ask, anon! Very long/rambly answer, but really did you expect anything else from me. I hope you enjoyed it anyways (or at least it was illuminating).

[transmascore]

hiyo

i wanted to ask if you have any advice for overcoming the thought that i cant be a gay trans man because "what makes gay men gay is the fact that they only like dick and not female parts"

(im sorry if thats rather graphic but this is literally the thing stopping me from acceoting myself or transitioning socially or physically)

Something to keep in mind is that orientation is people-based. The reason gay men date other men is because they're attracted to men themselves - the way they present outwardly, the way they speak, the way they wear their hair. Genitals aren't the only or even the main part of the equation (although they can factor in). There's every other aspect about a person to consider.

I'm T4T (trans for trans) so my attraction to men is framed by that lens. I find I'm attracted to patchy facial hair and androgynous voices - things that signal transmasculinity to me. And, for me, it's because I know I will have things in common with these men. We have shared community, shared experiences. I know I can open up to another trans man and that he will understand me. And, aside from that, I do legitimately feel a strong sense of desire and romantic love when I encounter other trans men. It isn't just safety, but a genuine want to be with them.

And gay men, regardless of AGAB, feel pretty much the same way across the board. It's attraction to little details here and there, as well as the entire person, and it's also that sense of relating to one another on the basis of queerness. Knowing that you can be yourself around this person.

Now, sure, men looking for a quick hookup on Grindr aren't in the same headspace as someone looking for an actual relationship. So it's important to keep that in mind. People on hookup apps tend to be rude or chasers (a cis person that fetishizes trans people). But there are also genuine men you'll encounter (regardless of AGAB) that are totally cool with hooking up with a trans guy and aren't weird about it. Everybody's different.

And while some sections of the gay male community can come across as very phallocentric, we (transmascs) have been in those spaces the entire time.

I'll share some gay trans men now.

Billy Lane, who in 1998, WON the Mr. Leather competition:

Lou Sullivan, an activist and author who fought for gay trans men to be recognized by the medical field so we could receive gender affirming care:

Rupert Raj (pansexual rather than gay), who did so many things it's easier for me to just show you than to recap.

Dr. James Berry, an extremely talented surgeon who fought in two wars, was a duelist, and slept with men.

We have always been here, we will always be here, and we are here right now! Even though a lot of our history has been overshadowed and lost to time. 

Also, something I tell every transmasc, especially gay transmascs, is this: When we first come out, first realize who we are, we feel very vulnerable. We want to be seen as people. We want to be validated and comforted. Like Pinnochio, we want someone to tell us "you're a real boy." And, often times, trans men will seek out that validation from cis men, because they view them as some higher authority - a gatekeeper of masculinity that will confirm your identity and metaphorically hand you a Man Card. And a lot of trans men get hurt, have their hearts broken, because they're putting all of their stock into this.

But I'm here to deliver you good news: Transness stands on its own, it doesn't require cis men to prop up the pillars. You are just as much of a man as cis guys are, and their opinion of you is irrelevant. It may not sound true right now - we all go through this initial stage, especially if our dysphoria is bad. But you'll get through it - and once you make it out the other side it is incredible. To expedite the process, best thing you can do is surround yourself with trans art and videos and books and friends.

The other thing, too, is that fear of not being loved. Society can have us believe cruel things about ourselves. That we, transmascs, are not worthy of love. That we're somehow inferior. And that just isn't true - there so many happy, partnered trans men out there. Many of them married! Many of them polyamorous with multiple partners! Many of them who have started families, are fathers!

Don't delay your transition - or call off your transition entirely - because you are afraid of what a future partner might think. People date each other for a reason: because they love each other. You want to find someone who will love you for you, unconditionally. And those people ARE out there. A real partner will be supportive of your endeavors, will be happy to see you comfortable in your own skin. Take care of yourself first, and the rest will come. The pieces will fall into place.

In the meantime, to be kind to yourself. Know that you are enough. Know that you are loveable. Know that you are desirable. Know that you have a future. Know that you don't need permission from anyone to be who you are. And know that you belong! Know that you're gay and you're a man and you're trans and that none of these things contradict one another. They weave together like beautiful threads to form the person that is you. And that there are many people like you - always have been. And if anyone is an asshole about it, ignore them. 

[sickknotdoom]

I'd love to hear what you have to say on that Carlsly baiting topic you mentioned. I feel similar and would enjoy your opinion on it.

i dont really want to make this a long post since the longer it is the more likely it is that i misphrase something and come across the wrong way, so thisll be a few paragraphs at most. its important to note that i myself am gay (i like men) so yes, i feel like representation of my sexuality is something i can talk on.

one time is a coincidence, an understandable mistake, miscommunication. in regards to the topic of unis tfem identity, i feel less like it was intentional mlm baiting and moreso clumsily executed foreshadowing that didnt quite get the message across, probably because kit felt like revealing it would be "spoilers" and decided to make it as subtle as possible, like the vaguely trans flag-colored scarf. the gradual shifting of sexuality did sorta rub me the wrong way, like. first they were introduced as a gay guy, then revealed to be tfem/transhet (barruni being t4t), now theyre something along the lines of "queer in general with a slight masculine preference". i know people switch labels like that in real time as well, but to me it feels like unis original writing of being exclusively attracted to men is gradually disappearing, which feels messed up regardless of their gender identity. its probably whatever though.

two times is a pattern. the exact same thing happened with sly, except way more abruptly. sly was first introduced as a cis guy in a gay relationship with carl, and was later revealed to be tfem too, but this time there was absolutely zero foreshadowing. the only things i can think of that hinted at it were the strawberry nightgown art & maybe that "bathroom panel" ive been hearing about (but havent actually seen), which was brought up on here as relating more to ocd/intrusive thoughts than gender dysphoria. i might be overthinking this but i feel like that mightve been done to fuck with me specifically? because as a gay guy myself, having the same event of "popular mlm ship suddenly has one of the characters revealed as tfem" is reasonably frustrating as it can & will come off as erasure if not handled with enough care. and since ive spoken up about this in the past, which ended up landing me in a discord gc with An Actual Sparkleteam Member Trying To Convince Me Otherwise, it feels quite fishy to me. but if you think im wrong, cool, no hard feelings as long as youre not gonna flat out my opinion.

im prolly just tripping though. i have nothing against characters gradually realizing their identities but i feel like it should be handled with more care and that the proof of their journeys shouldnt be erased. especially when being written by someone who has no clue what that journey is like.

[ergativeabsolutive]

I don't regret transitioning at all and it's not like i could even help my identity anyway but as a bi trans woman who emphatically did used to be a gay guy it does feel a little weird... I do kind of feel bad for the little dude I used to be, because by the time I accepted my attraction to men for what it is, I was already not only an egg, but on the verge of cracking. I had no fucking chance to own it, I was in so much denial.

I wanted guys in a gay way honestly too early in my life, certainly too early to (healthily) act on my feelings, even if my sexuality had been culturally acceptable in general. It took so long for me to unlearn all that internalized homophobia... I still remember how sad my fantasies used to be. I didn't think that a committed relationship with a guy was an option?? The best I hoped for was a homoerotic best friendship with a guy one day... that would eventually turn platonic when he got married. Maybe I would go bi a little bit for his wife if the two of them were into that. (ja wir leiden nicht nur von den lebenden... sondern auch von den toten... iykyk 🙃) That was the extent of even my fantasies about men 'til the eve of the shell's smashing. Poor guy didn't have a chance.

Now, I'm open about my attraction to men. I can date as many as I want, I can fuck as many as I want, who knows, I might even marry one some day. But it will never be gay. It may well be T4T, but it can't be gay, not without misgendering myself. And I'm glad to be a woman, I'm very happy with my transition and it brings me joy. But... also being the mature version of that little twink of the 00s and early 10s, it stings a little. That little twink died in that closet and, reborn, this fat dyke burst out of it to live, what I hope one day, will be her best life. It's bittersweet in a way.

I can't help but mourn in a way - not the mere fact that he's gone; I'm happy to be me, and he's still inside me, in a way - the life that my existence as me means he never got a chance to have, probably could never have gotten a chance to have, the dreams he scarcely had the chance or courage even to dream. Is that weird? In a way, what I once falsely believed, is now true. A gay relationship with a guy really isn't possible for me! That puts a weird taste in my mouth, not because I want to be a gay guy again (I don't!) but because when I was one, I never got the chance to live as one! Even if I hadn't been too young to do half the things, unburdened by homophobia, I would have wanted, in some cases did want to do... I probably wouldn't have gotten to. That feels.... I don't know.

But that said... now I have a chance to be gay in a different way, my own way. As it is, almost immediately after I came out as trans, I developed my first real, organic, authentic crush on a woman. And in all likelihood, if I end up getting married, it will probably be to a woman. And unlike back then, it actually appeals to me! I still like men, and might end up with one too, but now my preference is for women, and that's okay. I like loving women as a woman, and I'm owning my sexuality more and more each day. And maybe that's enough. Maybe it's enough to pay my respects to the person I used to be and his dreams, dreamt and undreamt, and to own my own sexuality and live a gay life the way he never could. And fuck plenty of men, of course. Maybe that's enough. Maybe that's growth, the only kind of growth that can be expected of me really.

The best thing I can do... is be me, and not pull any punches, not compromise my authentic self for anything. Who I am has changed, but all I can be is me. If there's anything to be learned, it's that. And that's enough, I hope.

[pcrfectstorms]

🔥

Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion. Bonus points if you include a topic. ( IE. shipping, roleplaying, ect. )

ok, so lets talk shipping, and what i mean by that largely is lets talk this fandoms lack of naunced takes when it comes to arguing for your favourite f/m ship over a queer one. firstly, lets not pretend the fetishization of mlm ships isn't real, i've been in famdom long enough to know and have witnessed that. but lets also remember that there is NAUNCE to what is and isn't fetishization. i, a queer, nonbinary person will ALWAYS prioratize queer ships over cishet ones, that includes lesbian, gay, t4t ships and anything in between, anything that isn't cishet is always going to be more appealing to me bc i am queer, and i write what i know which is gay, gay and more gay. this argument that the popularity of mlm ships like steddie and harringrove are 'only' popular bc the cishet girlies be fetishizing gay men isn't the hot take you think it is, not when:

1) fandom on tumblr is and always has been dominated by queer ship and queer muns 2) if you're arguring a m/f ship in favour of a NON-PROBLEMATIC (and frankly i'd argue that both steddie and harringrove are, come at me all you like two boys having a fight doesn't make their romantic compatability nul and void, they're teenagers ffs) gay ship that's ALWAYS going to come across as homophobia lite, and always gonna give me the ick.

3) not every mun on this hellsite is a women, there are plenty trans, nonbinary and cismale writers who ALSO want to represent what they know and love, how are y'all gonna arugue that queer people are 'fetishizing' other queer people bc of their shipping preferences? do you know how dumb that sounds?

i also wanna talk about why i don't ship stancy > steddie, and newsflash it's not bc i'm horny for gay men. stancy for me has never really been appealing, Nancy represents something Steve is not anymore, she represents something he has worked so hard to distance himself from and grown from, nancy will always be steve's first big love, she will always be important to him, but ultimately they are not compatable for a number of reasons. nancy lacks the emotional vulnerability (through no fault of her own, thanks for that karen and ted wheeler) to give steve what he needs, he comes from an equally fucked up family life where love has clearly never been given freely, steve is so touch starved and wants to be loved so bad, you can see it in the scenes from when him and nancy were dating, the way he would always be touching her in some sort of way, he craves love and emotional intimacy so badly but he doesn't quiet know how to seek it out. for steve, nancy represents this thing that got away, this loss, this love he wasn't worthy of, and i think at least from how i see it that is why he is still hung up on her (although, i argue that's mostly down to POOR WRITING since steve moved past nancy in s3).

steve and nancy want different things in life, nancy is career driven and focused (at least she use to be before she was victim to the duffers inability to give her any fucking developement beyond the same boring love triangle) steve is very family focused and he craves that bc of how his parents never really gave a shit, he has something to prove, he wants to be the dad he WISHED he had, that whole 'six nuggets' thing made me want to scratch my eyes out, because it was so OOC for one, and for two Steve fucking knowns nancy wheeler BETTER THAN THAT, steve knows nancy has a fucking boyfriend, and frankly the fact stancy shippers seem to forget this is astonishing to me.

nancy and jonathan are together when her and steve are on their end of the world longing looks bullshit, at the end of the day neither steve or nancy are capable of being in a relationship in canon as it stands in my opinion, they both have a lot of emoitonal growth and things to work though before they should be jumping into a relationship with anyone, much less each other, they have spend the last four years thoroughly traumatized by everything they have gone though, and that i think is what lead to the misplaced emotions and feelings in vol 2 between Steve and Nancy. they're trauma bonded, and while they can see comfort in each other in ways that outsiders couldn't give them, it doesn't make it healthy. Nancy deserves to go to college and live he dream without the same two fucking high school boyfriends, who frankly don't deserve her, she deserves to have a storyline that isn't centered around two boys who she can't even communicate affectively with, like steve and nancy dated for a few months when she was in sopphmore year, steve is now almost twenty, nancy is about to go off to college, they both need to move on with their lives and stop living in the past.

steve and eddie for me represent something new, a new beginning, in every sense of the word, for me, steve was so facinated by eddie in the sort of way that eddie was everything he wishes he could be, so unapologetically himself in spite of how he was treated for it, steve seen a bravemess in eddie he doesn't see in himself. they had to much potential for a beautiful, naunced love story, a chance for steve to find himself, and in eddie find that emotional intimacy and love he has craved for so long. and the fucking tragic 'almost' part of steve and eddie is what has me crying about them 7 months later, that almost tope will never not fucking destroy me, and ironically my another favourite almost ship is a cishet ship, its addison and mark from grey's anatomy, so hey ho will you look at that i don't hate the hetties after all!

anyway, this has been my hot take, unpopular opinion, however you wanna call it, cancel me for all i care i'll never stop shipping my loves, and ya know what, they do have hot sex, bc they're hot people. personality wise > looks wise too. personalities? sexy as fuck. hair? sexy as fuck. XD and while we're at it T4T steddie will always be steddie supremcy for me, so suck it up bitches i hc your two fave cis boys as trans on the daily lmao.

[porcubus]

How about a Limbus ship that you Hate(TM)? I feel like I remember you as the person who wrote the Ryodon Manifesto (was that you? sorry if I got mixed up), but that just tells me you have good yuri takes more than anything

That was me:)!!!!! Beautiful of you to remember.. i am kind of a hateful soul about a lot of limbus yaoi to be honest and it sucks cuz i would love some new gay men to latch onto but between the sinners...Well most of them feel soulless to me... limbus is a yuri game with more interesting yuri than yaoi this is just a fact of life. Heres hong lu and gregor for you

could actually see this being good if it wasnt immediately taken into the unforgiving hands of yaoiheads who turn characters into stereotypes of themselves for sex appeal or whatever. Also hong lu is a woman when the world starts recognising this all hl ships could improve

The amount of transphobia contained in this ships fanbase is also crazy and not even directed at hong lu theres just a bunch of cis fans being weird as fuck about trans or intersex gregor its one of those situations where you know theyre only making one half trans because they think theyre the bottom. also the most unfunny mpreg jokes in the whole world bro

the ukefication of gregor is the worse out of any greg ship ive seen even with meursault i feel hes treated less like a helpless baby Idk what happened here. theres another world where im really into this ship for sure i think way back initially i thought i could like it but rodya/gregor just turned out to sweep an impossible amount that its hard to gaf about any gregor ship besides that Also i got vagued for saying this but ill say it again especially in the early days people would just take rodyas personality and give it to hong lu theyd straight up take lines and nicknames and shit she would say and slap hong lu over it but shit themselves if they saw gregor with rodya

if i met someone who saw these two as transhet t4t and actually gave a fuck about both their characters to portray them properly i think it could be kind of sweet...? they still dont have enough canon interactions to pull me in for real though regardless.And i do like some ships with 3 interactions but the few times they do interact have to be really fascinating To me (ryodon

CONCLUSION: very clear to me these people just want a tall """flirty """ "Man" to pair with gregor i have never seen it go deeper than that

[radicallacceptance]

I feel so much guilt over my sexual feelings... I don't know where the line is. I think being in such a sex negative environment where there is so much focus on sexual violence and male depravity makes it hard for me to not feel naseous about sex sometimes. I've never really learned how to have my own sexual imagination. I feel like it's broken and I want to have one but sometimes the guidance helps. The porn industry sucks but I used it for a while... I struggled with stopping but I felt guilty knowing that I don't know what situation these people are in and that they are so exploited within the industry. I did eventually stop. But I still read fanfiction.

I was kind of a fujo honestly. I think I liked to dissociate from myself. Like I didn't want to project onto any female character in m/f. And I didnt like the way they were often portrayed in f/f. Less real and more childlike and feminine. And I guess just because I was into m/m... and it was available. I didn't want to fetishize gay men, but the fics I read weren't fetishizing they were really humanizing in my opinion. It's just not the same... I didn't like the girls that would treat real life gay men like they were characters they could toy around with and ship with people and treat like a stereotype. It made me really angry to see a few of the girls treat my gay male friend like that.

I'm not really into that now... I'm not fully sure I know why. I think I have some sort of aversion to male genitalia now, but I clearly wasn't like that before... I think I've always had an aversion to the idea of male genitalia inside me. Maybe that's why I wanted to dissociate from it. And maybe I did actually project onto a character to some extent, but moreso the top... Does that make me an autoandrophile? Does seeing myself as a guy that has a dick and does the fucking turn me on? Maybe... All I can say is I certainly have the thrust instinct, and I've never liked to put anything inside of me. Maybe that's not too abnormal...

I mostly read f/f fanfiction now. Or also... t4t m/m. Which I also feel guilty about because I feel like a chaser. Like I'm fetishizing them when in real life they would hate me. But idk :/ it's the best way I can find masc female characters and good lesbian sex. And maybe also having a crush on that one detrans blogger (or... multiple honestly) made me start thinking about the bottom growth and... idk. I feel bad about it again but... I find it appealing.

In reality tho I just couldn't be with anyone that couldn't accept their female body... Or that would try to cancel me for thinking kids that hate their bodies should go to therapy and learn techniques for self acceptance... that it's wrong and unhealthy to let them transition especially before they finish puberty... Not that it matters what either of us thinks. The idea of it now, that I have to have a politically correct and pure stance on everything and so does my partner when we're just two people with barely any effect on politics anyways... I just can't imagine going back to that modern social justice mindset. It just doesn't really matter. What matters is how we treat people, ultimately. I don't need to agree with a partner but we have to be able to respect each other. And to be able to talk about our views and ideas to some extent... To have shared values.

But now I have had a real life experience with a real life masc lesbian... which I didn't think was possible for me, but it happened and I sometimes think I made it up. It wouldn't have happened if she weren't assertive enough for the both of us. She's so confident. I told her that. I said to her, "you're so fucking hot and you know it."

It felt special. But it hurt, because I knew that I was less special to her. Because she had already been with so many women and we had just met. I feel weird saying that like I'm some podcast bro that cares about body count, but it actually does matter on some level... Because I could just be another notch on the bed post for her but she was my first, and probably only for a long time going forward. Maybe that's why I didn't let her fuck me back. Or maybe I'm actually stone. Maybe I really am meant to give and not meant to receive. Maybe I could find someone that doesn't expect me to...

She's also kind of fucked up. Like sadistic. I would feel better about it if she also thought it was fucked up. She told me that she once held a knife against a girl while she fucked her. She also bit me really hard. And probably wanted to hit me, but I wouldn't talk about it first so she didn't. I don't want that. I don't want to feel hurt, I want to feel loved... I don't like it being called vanilla... I just want passionate and loving sex.

We had passionate and loving sex. She felt so good. The feel of her body and the sound of her moaning. The wetness inside her. Getting lost in kissing her. Kissing down her neck and sucking on her breast. The repetitive motion of my fingers going in and out of her. God, it was really really good. She was amazing. I didn't know what I was doing really. She told me I fucked her really good but I was scared that I didn't. That she was just saying that. And the moment after, after she has orgasmed, when we just laid on top of each other on the bed, limbs intertwined, embracing... the intimacy of that moment. Like nothing I've ever felt and now I feel so starved of it. I fucked her again the next morning.

I got really obsessed with her. I thought about her constantly. I got really excited because she acted like we were gonna be together for real. And then on our next date things were weird. I was weirdly attached and self conscious and insecure and she was aloof like it didnt really affect her either way. Like nothing had happened. Which made it worse for me. And then she changed her mind over text and said it wasn't gonna work out. And I sobbed. And got angry.

And then she texted me again and I gave her a second chance and it was basically the same thing over again. I fucked her twice in one night and some time after we parted she decided we couldnt be together. And the third time when she texted me and needed me to come over and said we would talk, I wouldn't let her turn it sexual. And I got upset because I felt like this was a pattern and also that maybe I didn't want to fuck her every time I saw her. That she was way more sexual than me and she was also pressuring me after I said I didn't want to. I felt like I wouldn't be able to keep up with her but I also felt so misunderstood. And replaceable. Like I could be anyone... because she was projecting something onto me without really knowing me.

My coworker said I got love bombed. I don't think it was intentional, I think she's just kind of fucked up. She has trauma. You know. But... it's still unfair that she treated me this way. I know I come off as emotionally unstable but I can take care of myself... She really shouldn't have talked up the idea of a future together so soon. And I knew that at the time, no matter how much I wanted it. Even when I let myself get hopeful. I knew it was too soon.

[nopeferatu]

Arthur and Belarus 🧘

Arthur

favorite thing about them:

the fact that hes a little bitch LOL i love weirdo tsundere gremlinesque characters like him so freaking much

least favorite thing about them:

i dont actually know if i have a least favorite thing abt him?? he has flaws but i like him for those too. i guess i can say one of the most compelling flaws abt him that makes me sad for him is this idea that he wants love and affection but he doesn't know how to go about asking for that, so he pushes people away and keeps them at a distance first before they have the chance to reject him

favorite line:

"am i catholic or protestant? god i dont know" that'll always be gold

brotp:

Platonic FrUk is probably my all time fave bro pair

otp:

Take a wild guess

random headcanon:

he can dance REALLY really well, and he can learn new dances really quickly too

unpopular opinion:

let the man be soft for christs sake and dont moralize making him this rugged, hard person for like. woke points lol if you dont care for when ppl portray him as softer or in tune w feminine interests, you can just. say so and avoid that content, but to act as tho its "bimbofication" or something and then accuse the ppl who do make him softer or more feminine of being "fetishistic of irl gay men" ? or something? is really out there

(also to be clear here, im not talking abt anyone ive interacted w personally. ive just seenx at a distance, certain spheres of fans/shippers who have said specifically that portraying characters like england or poland as more feminine or softer or whatever is akin to fetishizing real gay men and i am so very tired of that narrative bc as it is feminine men have been demonized thru history, even amongst other lgbts, and while i think there are certain portrayals that i have contention w i dont think its a good thing to immediately write off ppl who have femme/feminine/"soft" hcs for characters as being fetishistic)

song i associate w them:

i have a whole playlist dedicated to him tbh fhduhd BUT the one song that I've been thinking listening on repeat lately while thinking abt him singing this to Alfred is For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic by Paramore

two other faves include Englishman in New York by Sting

and From Eden by Hozier, which is another song that I like to imagine him singing to Alfred

favorite picture of them:

Belarus

favorite thing about them:

shes a certified Weird Girl™️ and proud fhfyr like i just love her sm. moody goth woman can step on me

least favorite thing about them:

i dont care for the rly exaggerated canon murderousness of her. in fanon i tone it down and just like to make her a moody bitch w issues lol

favorite line:

i dont think i have one :( sorry

brotp:

hrm....hrm. Her and Russia I think? I think theyve got each others backs always no matter how reluctant or willing either parties are to admit that.

otp:

I fucking love t4t AmeBela. Usually I hc Alfred as gay tbh but MMGMH theres something so fucking good abt eager, young and inexperienced w love Alfred being so puppy dog smitten by the tall sexy Belarussian goth woman, and she just looks at him like hes a pesky fly that keeps following her around 😭 its SO GOOD.

random headcanon:

i think shes super tall and extremely elegant in her movements

unpopular opinion:

she's my beautiful wild trans wife ;)

song i associate with them:

i dont really have one but probably another molchat doma song tbh bc theyre a goth band and theyre actually from belarus

favorite picture of them:

LITERAL WIFE

[pentanguine]

22) What is your sexual and romantic orientations? Are they affected by your gender?

Ah, the million dollar question.

Honestly, short answer, I have no idea. And maybe I’ll never have any idea! Maybe my sexuality and/or my understanding of it will shift every few years as I learn new words and ways of being, or as I have different life experiences. Maybe I’ll never settle down and “figure it out,” because there is no a priori sexuality living inside me like the solution to a puzzle, there’s just complex human feelings overlapping clumsily with a rigid society. Sexuality is totally made up, not because the feelings aren’t real but because the way we taxonomize those feelings is so particular to time and place, and I’m particularly bad at fitting into the structure of the time and place where I live! I’m attracted to people of many different genders, to different extents and in different ways across time, but mostly I seem to be into women, and I am not a woman or a man. This experience is well-nigh impossible to shoehorn into the schematic of modern Western sexual orientation.

I’ve had so many epiphanies about sexuality, and at the time, each one felt like a lightbulb going off and something finally settling inside me. But all of those experiences have shifted over time, and they’ll probably keep on shifting. First I thought I was bi, and then I realized that the thought of being a woman with a boyfriend made me feel bleak, so I jettisoned the idea of a boyfriend and called myself gay; then I realized that I was still attracted to men even if I didn’t want to date them and I read a lot of think-pieces on sexual fluidity; then I realized I was genderqueer and leaned way too hard into being a lesbian to justify my attraction to women (because if I wasn’t a lesbian, it would be Bad!); and then last year I decided I felt much more comfortable calling myself bi and just giving my sexuality the space to sprawl out and make itself at home, even if I do have a preference.

And my actual sexuality changes, too! The more I stop pressuring myself to be a neat little lesbian who was Born This Way, the more comfortable I feel acknowledging that my formative experiences with attraction in middle school involved guys, and not girls. It’s not just that I was oblivious (although I was also that), I was just into guys more often and more strongly, which is the same way I feel about women now. And yeah, it is really, really weird to have your sexuality do a 180 like that! It’s not like it happened overnight, but it does lead to this feeling of disjointedness with my past self, like I jumped through some kind of parallel universe portal and emerged in an alternate sexuality timeline. In retrospect, I guess the best way to describe what I was was a girlfag: I thought of myself as a girl, even if I wasn’t one, but I wanted other boys to think I was a boy, and I liked guys who were pretty and effeminate and possibly gay, because if they were gay that made them “better” to be attracted to. The first narrative for this is that I’m a straight girl who fetishizes gay men; the second narrative for this is that I’m a lesbian who has crushes on feminine, unattainable boys as a proxy for girls; the third narrative is that I’m trans and gay and so duh, I like queer guys.

--

[A Tangent]

Also, you know what, it’s very important to me to not be a lesbian. Because I’m not. We can’t all be lesbians! And that’s ok!

I am not a man and I am mostly attracted to women and I have a very complicated relationship with my infrequent attraction to men, but that does not inherently mean that I am a lesbian struggling with comp het. Maybe I really am a bi person with a preference. Maybe I really am a genderqueer person with no affiliation or alignment or whatever the fuck to womanhood. Maybe my interest in men is so complicated by my own transmasculine gender that I can’t really access it. Maybe my experiences don’t need to be twisted to fit a Good and Proper Lesbian Narrative wherein I realize that Men Are Bad and Women Are Good and I’m not really attracted to the Bad People, and I’m absolutely willing to reduce myself to being Basically A Good Person so that the Good and Loving Light of Lesbianism will shine down upon me.

Look, lesbians are great. Lesbian is a word with so much political power, so much potential for self-definition and self-realization, and so much more fluidity than people give it credit for. It’s a beautiful word and sometimes I wish I were a lesbian. But I’m not, because I choose not to be. I will be mistaken for a lesbian for the rest of my life. The specifics of my queerness will never be legible to other people, because people will see me at my most visibly queer and think “she is a lesbian,” and they will see me with my hypothetical girlfriend and think “those women are lesbians.” And so while lesbian is a word that could fit me under its umbrella if I so chose, I don’t so choose, because it’s not the most accurate or fulfilling word for my queerness, and I will be lesbian until proven otherwise for the rest of my life. And so, when given the chance amongst friends and fellow queers, I want to prove otherwise.

--

I’m also ace, which I see as the queer umbrella that covers all of my sexuality and gender under its scope. My feelings on how, exactly, I’m a-spec have shifted wildly between “gray-asexual,” “demisexual?,” and “totally ace” over the years, often multiple times within the same freaking week. Trying to pin down what sexual attraction even is when it’s something you rarely or never experience, and when it’s also something that you approach through a totally different lens than most people, is an exercise in futility. Words like “hot” or “turned on” or just “sex” don’t even make sense to me; I know broadly what other people mean when they say them, but when I try to find corollaries in my own experiences, I either come up empty-handed or with something that’s like a distorted reflection seen through fog.

I’m not aromantic, but the older I get the less I feel like romantic attraction applies to me, so at this point I’d consider myself sort of philosophically aromantic. I know I’m not actually aro, but the kind of attraction that I feel, while very normative (fluttering hearts; swooping stomachs; improbable daydreams; a desire to impress), also has nothing whatsoever to do with emotions or relationships. My body finds other people cute, and my brain tends to agree, but those feelings don’t lead to desire. They don’t go anywhere. Appreciating the experience of being attracted to someone almost never leads me to want anything from that attraction. I don’t know what that is (maybe it’s shyness or insecurity, or maybe it is some kind of queerness), but I do know that I don’t want to push through it and force myself to go through those rituals just because other people tell me I should want to. 

I guess a lot of the disconnect for me comes from calling that type of physical attraction romantic, when for me it has nothing whatsoever to do with sweeping romantic emotions or intimate relationships. I’d be tempted to call the attraction aesthetic, except I think that’s what I feel for forests and my friend Jonesy’s fashion choices (visual appreciation with no real attraction), and I doubt it’s alterous attraction because the symptoms seem so commonplace and archetypical. So I assume I do feel what most people, bafflingly, call romantic attraction, and the romance part is just a miss for me because I’m delightfully perverse or something. I just don’t understand why “person I find attractive” and “person I want to be intimate partners with” and “person I want to have sex with” and “person I want to cohabit with” all has to be the same person. The whole narrative of romance just doesn’t make sense to me.

--

Good god, this got long.

To finally end up at the second part of the question: My genderqueerness is very closely intertwined with my sexuality, to the point where I wish we still had words like “invert” that combined the two and saw them as mutually constitutive rather than at constant odds with one another. Basically, I see myself as being fundamentally bi, but gay both ways: I’m similar-to-although-not-the-same-as women when I’m attracted to a woman, and similar-to-although-not-the-same-as men when I’m attracted to a man. (When I have a crush on a nonbinary person, I’m just really t4t.) At the moment, attraction to women is the most salient aspect of my sexuality, which is often fraught, because I’m a lot more adamant about Not Being a Woman than I am about not being a man. But I’m still gay for women, and I think I come from a long lineage of people with similar experiences (Vernon Lee, Radclyffe Hall, Leslie Feinberg, Rae Spoon, etc). Speaking of Rae Spoon, I think it’s very easy to assume that you’re not into men when you spend so much time being/trying not to be jealous of them. But I’ve learned that it’s possible for something to be both. Maybe when I love men hypothetically but find it difficult to translate into reality, that’s not because “ew, men bad,” that’s because “DANGER, gender bad.” Maybe (radically! shockingly!) I am actually bisexual and I have crushes on people of various different genders, and none of that negates my attraction to anyone else.

So in summary, I guess I’m just queer, with a side of bi (*gestures expansively*) and ace (*shrugs blankly*).

[gfriendlighting460]

Dating Sites With Trans Option

Brook Shelley’s previous work for The Toast can be found here, and our previous coverage of trans* issues can be found here.

Hearing about people being afraid of or not open to dating a trans person is just one reason why it is so hard to date as a trans person. And even though I have heard it many times before, it is still hard to confront. I looked at eight popular dating sites to see which are the most gender inclusive. Dating only trans people, at least here in my local community, do not seem like a realistic option since we are too few. Finding the right person would be next to impossible. Well, that was my 2 cents on that. I,m actually surprised by the comments so far. TRANSGENDER, PANSEXUAL, LESBIAN, GAY, GENDER-FLUID, Bi-SEXUAL & NON-BINARY DATING SITE & SUPPORT. We are a Transgender, Pansexual, Lesbian, Gay, Gender-fluid, Bi-sexual & Non-Binary dating site where you can find support, make friends, talk to others about their journey, look for love and so much more. Reddit’s r/t4t subreddit is essentially a personals-style online dating forum for transgender people. While it’s not as detailed as more established trans dating sites, this subreddit is designed.

Welcome to lesbian trans womanhood. I know, we aren’t supposed to say that. Welcome anyway. Let’s assume you know two things: that you are a woman, and that you like other women. Good. That’s a fine place to start. Follow along, and we will get you from this humble beginning, to being a real-live dater.

Take a deep breath. Ready?

1. First, lower your expectations. Whatever you think might happen in the next few paragraphs, or in the next few months, expect less.

Dating Sites With Trans Options

This isn’t in reference to any particular difficulty facing trans women, though there are many; it is always helpful to lower your expectations. Low expectations mean high excitement at small success.

For example, if you expect to dance alone at a bar, you will be thrilled to find that someone beautiful is dancing with you. Repeat as needed.

2. Next, create an online dating profile. OkCupid, Match, or Tinder; it doesn’t really matter where, but you’ll need one. This is how you meet shy lesbians. You may be shy yourself. This could be the best place for you.

3. Spend quite a bit of time agonizing over the photos and your description and hobbies. Be clever. Be charming. Ask a few close friends, “would you theoretically date me based on this profile?” Hear them laugh a little. Tell them, “No, I’m serious. Is any of this good?”

4. Take their advice. If they have no advice, find some other friends. Without them, you will end up posting a photo with kale in your teeth, or where there is clearly a dog using the restroom in the background. You will not notice this on your own.

5. While you wait for responses, go find the queerest bar nearby. Attend events specifically targeted towards lesbians like you. Dance. Get used to dancing. The music will likely not be great. Get used to a mix of pop hits, Shakira, and Bikini Kill. Don’t try to explain why Kathleen Hanna is problematic while dancing.

6. Wonder, “why do so many of these girls have bow-ties on?”

There is no answer.

7. Assume they must not be able to take them off. Do not offer to help them take their bow-ties off. Just dance away.

8. Flirt. Often.

9. Hone your ability to turn a conversation into a fun tête-à-tête. Read the face and responses of the other people. Assume that at any moment, they might sour, and you will need to disengage. Be lighthearted. Be friendly. Don’t press anyone, and focus on enjoying yourself. Cool people enjoy themselves. Cool people are definitely not sweating horribly, right now, as they dance around the room, hoping for a match. When someone asks how you are doing, never mention the harassment, mis-gendering, or stress you’re going through. They don’t actually want to know that stuff yet. Talk to your aforementioned friends about those.

10. Hear, “wow, you’re tall,” at most of these events. Kiss a few people, gently. Brace yourself for the inevitable pre-hookup question or revelation about your body or identity. Practice explaining why “biological woman” is ridiculous. Use lines like “Of course I’m a biological woman, and not a cyber woman… or a giant snake.” At no point be seen unhinging your jaw to devour a goat.

Also try, “Hi, this is how my body works… and this is what I like.”

11. Be prepared for some rejection at this point. Practice your smile and, “Ok, that’s fine, I had fun,” response to “I can’t sleep with you now,” or “I’m just not attracted to (your genitals),” or “I’m a gold star lesbian, I can’t sleep with you.” You may also hear, “you’re so brave.”

12. Find ways to forgive them in your heart for being such shitheels.

13. Be surprised when not everyone rejects you. Bask in the glow of reciprocal attraction when it does occur – it may be rare. You may want to high-five the women who are still attracted to you, regardless of what you discuss. Resist. High-fives are firmly in second date territory.

14. Check your phone. Oh, your mom called. Call your mom back. Remind her that you won’t be meeting any nice boys because you are a lesbian. Yes, you might want to settle down. No, there’s not much going on lately. Yes, you’re really a lesbian. No, this isn’t a phase. Yes, you did get the dress she sent… it’s… nice. Tell her you love her. Hang up.

15. Check your phone again. There sure are a lot of biologists on your online dating site.

How’d they get access to my karyotype? Did they take a blood sample?

What’s that game? You know the one… Where complete strangers ask you about your genitals? https://gfriendlighting460.tumblr.com/post/655947581619388416/dating-anyone-in-carrboro-nc. You’ll be playing this whether you like it or not a lot more often now. It is not possible to win this game.

Does Tinder Have A Trans Option

16. Use some of your flirting skills from being at the bar while you are online. Realize those skills don’t translate. A lot of people online are too shy to go out, so they will not know how to respond to you. You may be seen as forward, or at least not shy enough. Carry on.

17. Talk about books. Talk about food. Talk about anything but how you’ll probably never meet up, and if you do, there won’t be a second date. There often isn’t a second date.

18. Get ready to hear a lot of very surface-level readings of Judith Butler. Take heed that many of your fellow women have taken exactly one women’s and gender studies course in college, and “know all about being transgendered.” (sic) Be prepared to hear girls talk about how they’re “not really feminists, because they like to have fun.” Feel free to shake your head and pour a drink. Get better at reading through their answers to weed out the ubiquitous racism, transmisogyny, littering, and incompatible goals. Remember that you don’t have to settle.

19. You should probably have a pet. I should have said this at the beginning. Choose: cat or dog. Go adopt your choice animal. Start at the top. I can wait. You may be alone for a while.

20. Find a partner or dater. At some point, you will succeed. You will feel like you won the lesbian lottery. You will be elated in your heart that someone cares about you, and wants to kiss you… like more than once a week. High fives may be appropriate at this point.

These dating sites aren’t just for women either. The detailed description of the freebie is published on the blog. Find society & people themes in the same name category at Template/p Read More. JerkBoy – This app has been called the most honest, accurate dating service out there. It’s a tool for users to showcase. 18-25 years old; 26-39 years old and looking for short-term fun; 26-39 years old and looking for girlfriend material; 40+ years old; The Best Dating Apps For Men Ages 18 To 25 1. Tinder is the most popular dating app in the US. You probably have a buddy who met his girlfriend on it. Step further like for example most dating websites, if you want to actually communicate with other members then you need to subscribe to a membership and you get full benefits of the website. If you're serious then out of those 3 go with Match. You will definitely get hit up, probably too many to count and you'll most likely make a ton of guys wonder why girls never respond hahaha. Dating was created and is run by Dan and a group year techies who truly care about what they do. Security and privacy dating top olds at Teens Town, which is why the olds verifies every member and ensures dating no adult content shows up on the site. Teens Town also every to help you have fun and connect with your fellow teens. ★★★★★ Match.com 4.8/5.0. Our expert ratings are based on factors such as. Best dating websites for 19 year olds.

21. Prepare yourself for anyone you date to be called a chaser. It doesn’t matter if they actually care about you for who you are as a person, there are many who enjoy distilling you to your transgender history. Gird your loins against the barbs flung at you and your partner. Learn to laugh, and to cry. Embrace being a really hot lesbian with a super amazing girlfriend. It’s pretty great.

22. Laugh to yourself at all the ridiculously sad people who would want to hurt you and your partner. Try to not be burned by them with every single uneducated, casual insult. It will sting, but you can be strong.

23. But, most of all, have fun! Being a lesbian trans woman is probably the best thing in the world. Be proud of yourself. Be excited. You get to kiss other girls.

Elite dating site. Questions about online dating? Enjoy our ultimate online dating guide; Interracial Dating. If there were previously stereotypes, preconceptions or presumptions about interracial dating, these outdated attitudes are transforming as more and more American singles are seeking partners from other ethnic groups, and couples’ relationships no longer being defined along racial lines. It’s fair to say that our interracial dating community represents the enlightened majority in American society. A Gallup poll in 2013 found that 96% of black people and 84% of white people approve marriage between blacks and whites. This means that 87% of Americans overall see no problem with black-white marriage, up from a meager 4% in 1958 1. Interracial dating: meeting singles serious about love. According to Statistics Canada, the number of long-term Canadian couples in partnerships that can be described as mixed unions has doubled over the last 20 years. 1 For those in lesbian relationships or gay. Interracial dating in SA: meet singles who suit you. When you search for interracial dating sites it can be tough to find supportive platforms that encourage long-term commitment. At EliteSingles, however, we cater for South African men and women who desire more from love; making us the dating site to use if you’re looking for compatible. Interracial dating: meeting singles serious about love. According to the Office of National Statistics, almost one in 10 people living in Britain is married to or living with someone from outside their own ethnic group. Clearly, there are single men and women in the UK for whom interracial dating.

Brook is a queer trans woman living in Portland who hangs out with her cat, and does all manner of technical magic for a software company. She travels as often as possible, and can often be found on her couch, reading and enjoying a cider.

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[lacefuneral]

the thing that prompted me to Release This Into The Wild last night is this.

so, i am an individual that combs through TERF blogs to manually block/report/add to the shinigami eyes database. in the process, i also study the most recent transphobic rhetoric they are pedaling

i saw a series of screenshots that originated from a trans man on twitter. a thread that is, quite literally, indistinguishable from that of a TEHM.

for those not in the know, a TEHM is cis gay man transphobe that focuses their energy on attacking transgender men rather than transgender women because they view transgender men as a Threat to Male Homosexuality. the acronym stands for Trans Exclusionary Homosexual Male. they are often seeing posting alongside TERFs to Dunk On Trans People. however! their ideologies are incompatible, as TERFism is rooted in women/lesbian separatism with hatred for all men (and people they perceive to be men) - but especially people they view as Mocking Womanhood, which ALSO includes gay cis men due to the mannerisms and speech of our fem/mes. whereas TEHMs tend to be heavily misogynist and even Gay Male Separatists that want to break off from the entire community to have a Boys Club. so it's very funny to watch these two groups fight each other when they aren't complaining about The Transexual Menace.

anyway! (sorry, got a bit carried away there, but it's good info to know in general and provides context to what i'm going to say.)

so. this twitter thread by this trans guy. it begins by him stating he has genital preferences. this part is perfectly fine! i also have preferences! most people do! there is nothing inherently wrong with this bit! but then the explains Why he has them and. ugh.

he states that, as a gay man, he is only interested in penis. because being attracted to penises is what makes a man a gay man.

NO! NO IT IS NOT! EXPLODE!

you can be a gay trans man that is exclusively interested in cis men (and/or to trans men/nonbinary persons with penises.) that's allowed. no one is going to strike you down for doing that. in fact, i would argue that is the most common configuration of transmasc homosexuality, due to a combination of dysphoria, THIS kind of rhetoric, and lack of familiarity and comfort with transmasc bodies. actually, all three of those are interconnected, but i digress.

but there's this very real thing that happens WITHIN the trans community where people like. they actively deny transmasc participation in gay spaces both historically and now, and view themselves as The Only Exception. it's Just Them, The Main Character, who gets to be transmasc in gay male space.

it's such a slap in the face to literally all of us. to every gay man that says "i love men, the parts don't matter." - whether he be cis or trans. erases the T4T relationships forged. erases the transfem mlms (very real demographic, just like transmasc wlws) who have bottom surgery. erases intersex gay men. erases asexual gay men. and so on and so forth. gay male culture is NOT defined by penis. just as lesbian culture is NOT defined by vaginas.

what does it say about you, too? if gay men are not allowed to be attracted to pussy? is the conclusion that your partner is straight?

....well. this guy ends the thread by saying he is closeted and dating a straight man. which, okay. very common predicament for transmascs. but it makes me so fucking sad. please find a man that will treat you as a man.

men will come out as trans but not do any sort of deconstruction of cisnormativity and then fully parrot TEHM rhetoric instead of just saying the Considerably More Normal and Less Hurtful: "i'm gay, and i happen to have a genital preference for penis." AND STOP THERE.

and if someone asks why. just say "that's what i'm comfortable with/find attractive."

you don't have to tie it to your identity as a gay man. which i see a LOT of transphobic transmascs say. i remember seeing one guy SO happy and SO excited to get phalloplasty because it distanced him from us Yucky Yucky Pussy Havers and that he "felt connected to gay history and culture now." man, shut the fuck up.

this is what i mean. we need to normalize yonic imagery in gay male space. we need to break down the idea that Gay Man Equals Penis. i am so tired of hearing that not just from TEHMs but my fucking. brothers in arms. my fellow transmascs

making my male homosexuality yonicentric to combat phallocentrism coming from both cis and trans guys alike

[officialgleamstar]

#can i hear a t4t sapphic gothcleats??? (via @lex-the-lesbiann)

YEAh. YEAH YOU CAN. trans fem linc isnt particularly a main stay headcanon of mine (cis aro/ace linc you are so canon to me. ignore anything i said in the original post. i am the epitome of that one post talking about having 500 conflicting headcanons, i have a lot of thoughts always) but its one that i LOVE A LOT especially in relevance to gothcleats. theyre in t4t gay love

BUT REALLY SPECIFICALLY i really like multigender linc. i waver back and forth a lot on what linc would identify as in particular, but listen. walk with me here. bigender lesbian linc (biased as a bigender lesbian) could be REALLY GOOD. SO SO PERFECT TO ME. linc who has never particularly felt not like a guy - of course hes a guy, hes his dads' son, hes a boy - but once he starts hanging out with scary (and taylor. genderweird enby taylor youre so real to me. and hermie is a girl- ALL OF THESE KIDS ARE TRANS.), breaking out of that shell of just being around two adult men constantly, he realizes that hes really drawn to femininity as well!!! hes really hesitant about it at first, because he knows hes a boy, but he just... wants to be a girl as well. so he starts just kinda going "hey, scary, can you do my makeup? can you paint my nails?" and scary is a lil confused by his interest at first, but she likes practicing new dark gothic makeup looks on someone else.

i dont think linc would particularly be very femme, but he likes being near scary, and he likes the chance to do girl activities with another girl. and scary likes having an excuse to be near lincoln. and then they gay kiss <3

doing my thing where i wake up and decide to think about one ship for the entire morning instead of getting ready for the day. youd think i would latch on to something with moms considering the shit i was on last night but no. today is a gothcleats day actually. theyre in love and it is canon to me