#Support for LDS members in faith transitions

[mindfulldsliving]

Ministering with Compassion: Addressing the Harm Behind “The Church is Perfect, But the People Are Not”

The phrase “The church is perfect, but the people are not” has been a source of controversy and reflection for many of us. It raises a critical question: what does it mean to be part of a community that embodies spiritual ideals while still being made up of flawed individuals? As Latter-day Saints, we often find ourselves navigating this balance, recognizing the divine potential within the church…

[nerdygaymormon]

Gather Conference

This looks like it will be very good! It is for LGBTQ Latter-day Saints and those who love them. September 15-16th in Provo, Utah.

I’m really impressed at the group of people they have involved in this.

Here is a list of presenters:

Steve Young - famous football player, stood against Prop 8 in California and for the LDS Church being more loving & inclusive of the LGBTQ community

Darius Gray - a Black man who joined the LDS Church in 1964, one of the first Black students at BYU, one of the founders of the Genesis Group, involved in the "Race and the Priesthood" essay, a supporter of LGBTQ rights and the church expanding to fully include them 

Charlie Bird - gained fame as the BYU mascot Cosmo the Cougar who publicly came out as gay, author of the books “Behind the Mask” and “Expanding the Borders of Zion”, co-hosts the podcast Questions from the Closet, is an active LDS church member and public about having a boyfriend

Ben Schilaty - co-hosts the podcast Questions from the Podcast with Charlie Bird, they are the two most well-known gay men still active in the LDS Church. Ben wrote the book “A Walk in My Shoes: Questions I'm Often Asked as a Gay Latter-day Saint”, and works for the BYU Honor Code Office

Tom Christofferson - older brother of the LDS apostle Todd Christofferson. Is best known for leaving his long-time partner in order to rejoin the LDS Church and writing “That We My Be One: A Gay Mormon's Perspective on Faith and Family”, then publicly announced that he has begun dating

Allison Dayton - is founder of Lift+Love which seeks to provide a positive, uplifting space for LGBTQIA+ LDS church members and their families & friends

Liv Mendoza Haynes - best known from the 2021 BYU Women's Conference when Sharon Eubank presented her and Liv announced she is queer and that she once left the LDS Church but returned and shared the story of a bishop who made her feel welcome and asked how to make the ward a safe space. Liv is married to a husband and is a busy mom

Meghan Decker - is married to a husband, loves being a grandma, but she also is attracted to women, wrote the book “Tender Leaves of Hope: Finding Belonging as LGBTQ Latter-day Saint Women”

Michael Soto - a trans man who grew up LDS and spent the last 25 years being an advocate for LGBTQ+ rights, including co-founding the Equality and Fairness Coalition, former CEO of Equality Arizona, and now is Chief Advocacy Officer for One Community

Iese Wilson - best known for his work of building bridges at BYU-Hawaii, where he publicly came out gay. His efforts include co-founding Hawaii’s first LDS LGBTQ+ support group off campus for students and staff of BYU-H, helped create and host the first LGBTQ+ fireside on the BYUH campus, and offered the first LGBTQ+ awareness training for the Guest Services Department at the Polynesian Cultural Center

Richard Ostler - host of the podcast Listen, Learn and Love and author of two books, “Listen, Learn and Love: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints” and “Listen, Learn and Love: Improving Latter-Day Saint Culture”

These individuals aren’t listed as presenting at the Gather Conference, but are shown to be involved in some way:

Bree Borrowman - a science teacher in Bountiful, UT who transitioned during the pandemic and provides a safe space for students, co-hosts the Lift+Love Adult Gender Identity support group. Bree is an active member of the LDS Church and is helping her stake and ward move towards being more inclusive & accepting

Jess Case - a clinical psychologist who identifies as gay and is married to a woman, an active member of the LDS Church. His work focuses on helping youth and adults feel safe in their communities and suicide prevention

Clare Dalton -  a seminary teacher and CES employee. She came out as lesbian in 2021 and is open about her faith, her orientation, and her career as a way to exemplify that Christ meant everyone when He said, “Come, follow me” 

John Gustav-Wrathel - Was raised LDS, married his husband, raised children, and then decided to return to church where because he is excommunicated he attends each week as a visitor. He is a former president of Affirmation and co-founded Emmaus LGBTQ Ministry which aims to works for the safety, well-being and happiness of LGBTQ people in and adjacent to the LDS Church

Ally Isom - a public affairs professional who has worked for LDS Church as head of global branding, in 2021 ran against Senator Mike Lee to be the  Republican nominee for senate, known for her work for gender equity. In 2017 she helped the church restructure the mormonandgay website by changing the language to be less divisive and to include videos of queer members sharing their stories. She works to improve understanding between the Church and the LGBTQ community

Erika Munson - in 2012 she co-founded Mormons Building Bridges which is most famous for having LDS people dressed in their Sunday best march in Pride parades, and in 2019 co-founded Emmaus LGBTQ Ministry which provides affirming monthly devotionals and events to LGBTQ people and their families in and adjacent to the LDS Church

Austin Peterson - a gay member of the LDS Church who works in IT at BYU and serves in a bishopric

Jordan Sharp - VP of Marketing & Communication at Utah Tech University, active member of the LDS Church, and father of a gay son. Jordan wrote a Facebook post about the LDS Church needing to be more loving and accepting of LGBTQ individuals

David Smurthwaite - co-hosts the Lift+Love Adult Gender Identity support group, identifies as gender expansive, active member of the LDS Church, married to a wife and is father to 4 children

[nottskyler]

I want to write a letter to my lawmakers in Utah and I would like your help. Here is what I have and I would love for input on how to make it better:

Trans related healthcare is vital to the wellbeing of trans individuals, but we live in a state where employers can refuse to cover such treatments because there is a stigma related to gender dysphoria and related treatments. Utah is at risk of becoming one of the most intolerable states for LGBT individuals to live even though LGBT youth have no control over where they are born or to whom they are born. I’m an active participant of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but I can’t be blind to how the old fashioned leadership is actively harming our youth around the world, but especially here in Utah.

I know many take the recent words of President Oakes that eternal gender is the gender assigned at birth to be true, but I find it unimportant in this discussion.  Whether or not President Oakes words are true, we can’t ignore the fact that it is scientifically proven that the depression and suicidal thoughts of trans individuals can be greatly relieved through proper medical treatment, medical treatment that most small start-up companies providing a lot of jobs in Utah exclude because they think that the LDS population is free from such individuals. That couldn’t be further from the truth and trans individuals born to LDS families are at a greater risk for suicide and depression because of the outdated beliefs that say nothing is wrong with these individuals and that they are making up their experience and thus don’t need treatment. As a state, we can help.

I love working in a community where I live and work and go to Church with the same people, but at times this causes problems when faced with a choice of what is best for me and my family and what everyone else thinks is the right course of action. With the ability of employers to discriminate against trans people and for employers to provide insurance that doesn’t cover trans related health care, if I have a child that needs trans-related treatment, I have to confront my boss and ask for them to remove the exclusion. That puts me in a difficult situation, my boss might feel I am less responsible for seeking treatment he thinks is unnecessary for my child, I will lose face in my religious community, and I might even lose my job because there are no protections against being fired for being trans or supporting trans people. Weaker parents would balk at the request to confront their employer and their child will suffer and the parents might even double down on the cultural persecution of trans people to hide their cowardice. We don’t have to let this happen. We don’t have to stand by as our trans youth suffer in depression or kill themselves. We can protect them.

By requiring all insurance policies to cover trans related health care, we protect the parents who want to do the right thing for their kids. They can receive benefits that allow them to take care of their children without having to publicly support trans individuals in the workplace. The employer will never know and will never judge them for doing something necessary because the employer doesn’t understand what it is like to have a trans child. Our youth will be protected and able to transition and live happy and well-adjusted lives. Parents can support children without stigma and handle challenges without them becoming workplace challenges. The same protection will be given to spouses and individuals who aren’t ready to be out in the workplace but still need therapy and treatment.

This will also make our state more friendly to trans people who work or wish to work at start-ups in our community because they have much to contribute to our growth. Trans people need to know if their needed hormone treatment will be covered with a new employer and they don’t want to out themselves to someone who can legally discriminate against them for being trans. If we implement this change, they will be able to change work more freely because employers never need to know they were born a different gender or what surgeries, if any, they received. It is akin to sexual harassment to have to discuss what is or used to be in your pants in order to ensure that an employer will cover necessary treatments for a happy and stable life. Let us not force individuals who are already ostracized by our culture to face that discrimination in professional settings.

Let us have a law that does not allow employers or insurance companies to offer plans that deny or limit coverage for scientifically proven treatments for gender dysphoria. Do not let the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints come in and say that they need an exemption because that goes against everything this law is for. Parents who wish to remain faithful in the Church but want to do what is best for the children should not face repercussions for wanting to support and help their child in receiving treatment that could very well save their life. They should not be forced to choose between their job and their child and the Church has no business knowing what treatments an employee, their spouse, child, or any other dependent is receiving. The right to discriminate should not leave our youth vulnerable to a treatable disease that claims many lives. We need to protect them, regardless of the social stigma related to the disease.

In evaluating my own beliefs, I find it very strange that the Church as an institution would be so opposed to scientifically proven treatments. They encourage us to seek medical and professional help when it comes to our physical and mental health. There is no stigma for a woman to get a mastectomy or hysterectomy to save her life or a man to get a vasectomy when he pleases, or men and women getting hormone treatments for various disorders, but when it comes to doing the same for trans individuals, they make it a personal issue for many members because it challenges their beliefs. I have no such issue because if gender is eternal, it will all work out whether the person receives the treatment to cure cancer or gender dysphoria. There is no reason for us to allow cultural stigmas to prevent people from getting treatment for a treatable disease. In the end, everything will be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and truth will prevail, whatever truth that may be. Here and now we need to love and support our trans siblings by providing them with the health care they need without the risk of losing a job, whether their own, their partners, or their parents. 

[unfilteredpatriot]

New Post has been published on Unfiltered Patriot

New Post has been published on http://unfilteredpatriot.com/defund-the-police-minneapolis-is-looking-to-bring-in-outside-police-officers/

“Defund the Police” Minneapolis is Looking to Bring in Outside Police Officers

Irony, thy name is Minneapolis.

Roughly six months after the City Council voted to defund and abolish the Minneapolis Police Department (an initiative that ran into some logistical problems – i.e., common sense – in the ensuing months), Minneapolis officials are now contemplating a plan to bring in police officers from other jurisdictions to help them deal with surging crime. If the plan is approved by both the mayor and the council, the city will bring in cops from the Hennepin County Sheriff’s Office and Metro Transit Police to temporarily help them respond to 911 calls.

From the Minneapolis Star Tribune:

The city would reimburse the Sheriff’s Office and Metro Transit Police for the officers they supply. It estimates the cost at just shy of $497,000, money that would be taken out of the city’s contingency fund.

The initial proposal calls for the teams to form Nov. 15 and run through the end of the year.

Council Member Linea Palmisano, who supports the supplementary patrols, said she also hopes they’ll be able to continue them in the 2021 budget, which will be finalized next month.

“We’re barely able to cover the shifts that we have,” Palmisano said. “We really can’t allocate additional police officers for on-duty shifts.”

Mayor Jacob Frey supports the arrangement, according to his office.

This is the fate awaiting every major city that puts their faith into woke leftists who are more concerned with pushing a “social justice” agenda than they are in running a city in a competent, coherent, professional manner. See also: Portland. See also: Seattle. See also: Oakland. See also: San Francisco. We could go on. It’s one thing for racist grifters on MSNBC to push for “defunding the police.” It’s one thing for anarchist Antifa members to want to see law enforcement abolished. But when you actually elect people like this to govern, you get serious problems in a hurry.

We should note that the Minneapolis City Council has not, in fact, lived up to their word to defund and abolish the police. But even the threat of it – combined with the hostility seen on the ground to the work they do every single day – has led to what the Star Tribune characterizes as an “abnormally large number of officer departures following Floyd’s death.”

Strangely enough, no one on the streets or on the City Council seems optimistic about bringing in Hennepin County social workers to address the rising violent crime rates.

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[nerdygaymormon]

Resources

When I write a note to a parent or in response to some of the asks I’ve received, I will sometimes share a few links of resources or info. I’m sharing these for anyone to access or to share. These are not organized in any sort of order, but I’ll give a brief description of each one. 

1)  The Ten Tips for Parents on mormonandgay are good. And since it’s from a church-sponsored site, members will accept this without much criticism.

2)  Listen Learn & Love is a website by Richard Ostler. He's a former bishop who has made loving LGBT Mormons his ministry. The site has links to many useful resources. In his podcast, Richard speaks to many queer people (some who are still in the LDS church and some who have moved on) and lets them tell their story. I think the podcast is very useful for queer members to hear people who went through, or are currently going through, things that they do. And for non-queer people, I think they’ll be moved by hearing the experiences & thoughts of queer people in their own words.

3)  I think the Family Acceptance Project’s pamphlet for LDS families is excellent. Basically it says to accept & love your kid.

4)  PFLAG has resources for families of LGBT individuals. They focus on supporting those in need, education & advocating to create a better world for LGBTQ+ people, friends, family & neighbors (and I’ve been really impressed with their Provo, UT office). PFLAG has chapters in many nations. 

5)  This is a TedTalk that speaks to reasons why Nature creates homosexuals and includes some of the character traits of gay people compared to the general population.

6)  When I come across church members who think that homosexuality is a choice, I refer them to this document put together by Dr. Bill Bradshaw. He is a BYU researcher/professor and a former mission president. He summarizes the research showing the LGBTQ orientations are biologic, not a choice or caused by parenting or cultural influences.

7)  This is long, but is the best write up I’ve seen about the LDS church’s history on homosexuality while explaining what this is like for gay Mormons. Bryce Cook put this together and it was peer-reviewed and published. It does a good job in showing that change has happened, and we can expect more change to come.

8)    Taylor Petrey is a professor who in this presentation gives me many things to think about regarding gays & lesbians and Mormonism. He speaks about a post-heterosexual Mormon theology and points out how heterosexuality is not present in many LDS creation stories. He speaks like an academic, but is so thought provoking

9)  This is a simple to follow explanation of why temple sealings for gay couples makes sense. Useful for when members say that temple sealings for gay couples can NEVER be.

10)  Josh & Lolly Weed are the most famous example of a gay man & straight woman in a marriage. They have been very open about their experiences. This is the blog post where they announced their divorce. It is very illuminating and does a great job of explaining why this sort of marriage really doesn’t work for most gay people.

11)  This is dense, but it’s a listing of all sorts of queer people and relationships in Church history (we’ve been a part of the Church since the beginning). I think it’s fascinating to read about these people, the way they were treated and influence they had.

12)  This is a video about coming out, but from a very different point of view. It’s about coming out as straight, but I found it to be sweet and relatable.

13)  This is a humorous video about coming out as gay by Wanda Sykes

14)  Family Fellowship Support Group on Facebook is meant to help  Mormon moms & dads learn how to parent their gay child. It’s a closed group so only members of the group can see what’s posted.

15)  Transactive LDS is a private group for transgender individuals or family members.

16)  Carol Lynn Pearson is a Mormon who was married to a gay man. She’s the OG of LDS allies to the queer community. You may be familiar with some of their work like My Turn On Earth. She has written several books that are, in one way or another, about being gay in the church (Goodbye, I Love You; No More Goodbyes; and The Hero's Journey of Gay and Lesbian Mormons). Most famously she wrote the Primary song “I’ll Walk with You” and she was imagining singing this to gay children as she wrote it.

17)  Tom Christofferson, brother of the apostle D Todd Christofferson, is a gay man who came back to church and wrote a book titled That We May Be One: A Gay Mormon's Perspective on Faith and Family. He emphasizes the inclusion he received from his family, and from his ward when he wanted to come back. Here's an article summarizing parts of his story

18)  Affirmation is the oldest organization for LDS/post-LDS LGBTQ+ individuals, family and allies. They have multiple Facebook pages for people in different spots of their faith journey/in what way you’re queer/if you’re an ally or parent of a queer child. 

19)   Dragon Dads is a closed Facebook group for Dads to gain support, process & support their children who are LGBTQ+ in healthy ways

20)   Mama Dragons is for moms of LGBTQIA kids, the purpose is to support healthy lives

21)   The Human Rights Campaign has an online booklet for LGBT Mormons

22)   Gay Mormon History is a site that lets people explore the history of LGBT issues in the LDS Church

23)   Elder Ballard said “We need to listen to and understand what our LGBT brothers and sisters are feeling and experiencing. Certainly, we must do better than we have done in the past so that all members feel they have a spiritual home where their brothers and sisters love them and where they have a place to worship and serve the Lord.” (BYU Question and Answer devotional from November 2017)

24)   In the best BYU devotional ever given on the subject, BYU professor Eric Huntsmans “Hard Sayings and Safe Spaces”

25)  Many LGBT members find themselves at the church schools. USGA & USGA-Rexburg are organizations where they can meet other queer people. 

26)  Members of the LGBTQ community experience are at higher risk of committing suicide than the general public. The Trevor Project helps people ages 13-24. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is available to anyone in the US. The Trans Lifeline is available in the US & Canada and it works to end transgender suicide and improve overall mental health of transgender people.

27)  Our Asexual & Aromantic church members have a closed Facebook group for them & their allies. 

28)  Many LGBT people step away from the LDS church. The Thoughtful Transitions Support Group on Facebook is meant to a safe space for people to heal and grow

29)  If you or a loved one needs therapy, there’s several options. If they are a university student in the US, they likely can access services free-of-charge at their school. Another option is to check your insurance and find the mental health professionals in your area that are covered. Try contacting the psychology dept at a local university for leads on a good therapist, or perhaps they offer some counseling services to non-students. Some members of the LDS church feel more comfortable going to see a therapist who is also LDS or who is familiar with the church. The Mormon Mental Health Association has a listing of such therapists arranged by US state & Calgary, Canada. 

[nerdygaymormon]

Hey Brother David. I've been struggling with my faith a lot lately. Something traumatic happened to me last year, and since then I've moved twice and only gone to church a few handfuls of times. Part of that was because my work schedule had me either working late nights so early morning church was really hard, or I was working sunday mornings. But at the beginning of May, I left that job to move the second time, and I only have gone to the new ward a few times. Part of me wants to go, to be (1/4

(2/4) part of a community, but I'm also scared. I have social anxiety, meeting new people in new situations is hard, and I'm worried about what I will or won't say if LGBT+ topics come up. I'm trans, genderqueer, and asexual, so being in the church with its strictly defined gender-based guidelines and heavily family-based rhetoric is difficult for me. I'm 28, and I've refused to go to the singles ward several times because I feel it would be so focused on dating and marriage, which isn't what           

(3/4) I want. My family's been in the church for generations, probably came over with the original pioneers, and I feel a little pressured to stay in the church even though I'm not really comfortable there. This sunday is my youngest cousin's mission farewell, and I've already said I'll go, but going to church on a regular basis feels almost impossible. I probably need to be in therapy, but being in a heavily LDS community makes me worry I could find someone who will understand. I've also been 

(4/4) thinking about joining the queerstake discord or searching out other people who live in my area, but again my anxiety is a problem. I don't think I've even updated my info on the queerstake registry. I've probably opened your askbox half a dozen times without sending anything before. Do you have any advice?            

———————————————————————   

I’ve been diagnosed with social anxiety, I know how that feels.

Going to church to support family members with the big milestones in their life is not a new commitment to be active.

If you want to go to church, oof, I know how hard it can be to walk through those doors, and how much easier if there were someone with you. You didn’t say what city you live in, otherwise anyone from queerstake reading this could message and say they live nearby and want to attend with you. There’s still another good option--the missionaries. They are always eager to have people come to church, they’ll greet you at the lobby and sit with you.

You mentioned queerstake discord, if you want to join and check it out, here’s a link (I think it’s only good for a day): https://discord.gg/U39jUA  You can remain as anonymous as you’d like.

As for your pioneer heritage, that’s something to be proud of. You are a modern-day pioqueer. Your ancestors lived their lives, you live your life. You make your own choices based on your belief, your situation, and what’s good for you.

If being trans, genderqueer, and asexual makes church awkward and not feel right because you don’t fit into the current theology, you don’t have to go. I know for me, one of the big problems with church is they have this big goal we’re all supposed to be working towards, and then the turn to me and say “this isn’t for you, you should always stay alone” and this complicated for me what a “successful” life looks like.

You are loved in a way that the leaders of this church don’t seem to understand. You’re allowed to find other ways to connect with God and understand your path forward, attending this church is not the only way.

As for therapy, if you’ve experienced something traumatic, therapy can help. Even if you haven’t experienced trauma, there’s a lot going on in your life and therapy can help. My advice, look for an LGBTQ-positive therapist, they likely know a lot about the church (because you live in a heavily LDS area) and faith transitions, and can help you undo internalized queerphobia.

[nerdygaymormon]

This might be too personal but do you pay tithing? Whenever I earn money, I always try to set aside 10%, but I just don’t know if I want to give it to the church. With all the things they are saying about gays and how we are “rob then of their rights,” I don’t know how I feel about donating to them when they think there is something fundamentally wrong with me. I would definitely put the money to a charity if I didn’t, but I don’t know and it’s unfair that straight people don’t have to worry.

I appreciate the way you’re thinking. As far as donating to the church, that’s something you have to figure out between yourself and God. 

We’re asked to donate 10% of our income and also the equivalence of 2 meals each month. The 10% goes to paying for ward activities & supplies, for the church building, for temples, and so on. A part of it also goes to paying for the central offices, programs, website, manuals and governance of the church. 

Do I support the things that a fast offering supports? Absolutely. We have an impressive and generous welfare system and help not just our own, but make contributions to local food banks and related charities. 

Do I support the things that tithing supports? Well, that’s where it gets a bit sticky, right? I do support a lot of the things it pays for, especially the parts we experience at the local level. But it’s hard to think I am contributing to an organization that actively fights against me, as a citizen of my country, from having full & equal rights. 

————————————————————

There is scriptural foundation for paying a tithe (tenth). Most of the Biblical scriptures are in the Old Testament and it was used to support the temple & temple staff. 

In the Book of Mormon, when Jesus visited the remaining Nephites & Lamanites in 3 Nephi, he quotes the words in Malachi and says this people should tithe

The D&C has several of verses about tithing. The primary one is D&C 119. This section was given when the law of consecration was withdrawn. Tithing was put in it’s place. Here’s the relevant verses from D&C 119:

3 And this shall be the beginning of the tithing of my people.

4 And after that, those who have thus been tithed shall pay one-tenth of all their interest annually; and this shall be a standing law unto them forever, for my holy priesthood, saith the Lord.

5 Verily I say unto you, it shall come to pass that all those who gather unto the land of Zion shall be tithed of their surplus properties, and shall observe this law, or they shall not be found worthy to abide among you.

———————————————————— 

You asked what I do. For a number of years I refused to pay tithing, beginning when the church worked in California to pass Prop 8 which undid marriage equality. 

A few years ago I did start tithing again as it seemed the church was making space for LGBT members and accepting the reality of marriage equality  However, I’ve since revisited that decision several times. I’ve thought about what is my “interest annually,” and is the church the only way to give to the Lord. Also, “church” can have several meanings, including the institution, the building, the attendees/congregation, a community of people. 

I do continue to make a contribution to the church, I support a number of the things that tithing pays for. I want the blessings that come from paying tithing. 

I also appreciate that the church leaders simply ask "Are you a full tithe payer?“ and it is between me and God to determine the answer.

————————————————————

I also contribute to some LGBT organizations.

Rainbow Railroad saves LGBT people, rescuing them from places like Chechnya and Syria. 

Affirmation is an organization for LGBT individuals whose lives have intersected with the LDS church. It’s an important way of letting us find and interact with each other. Affirmation supports people wherever they are in their faith journey, whether active member, transitioning, or post-Mormon. 

The Human Rights Campaign advocates for legal rights of LGBT people. I guess it’s my way of trying to undo the damage I feel the church does to civil rights of LGBT people. 

USGA is located in Rexburg, ID and Provo, UT and is a way for LGBT BYU students to meet and support each other. 

I also help LGBT individuals who find themselves in desperate financial situations and need a little help.

There’s many worthy options, whether local or national/international.

Encircle is doing good work in helping the families and the community to understand and support LGBT individuals

QueerMeals provides a meal and chance to get together for LGBT people in Provo. They are the epitome of a grassroots response to a need that no one was filling. 

I’ve been particularly impressed with the Provo chapter of PFLAG.