#Sublimation Hack

[meelsport]

Another happy customer! I love it!

[vadapega]

My screen's been looking like this for the past Month, help.

[villainanders]

I guess it makes sense since I think she was a popular romance option for 1 but I s2g this DLC was made with the idea of Liara being your ex gf in mind bc the dialogue btwn her and Shep is SO good

[fivecharactersinsearchofanexit]

One of the funniest Cronenberg goofs ever was how prominently featured the ear guy was in the trailer for Crimes of the Future and then you watch the movie and the characters are like what a fucking poser lmao

[abyssaldyke]

Thinking about the rewrite I'm eventually gonna do for space trash that focuses more on Sal and her relationship with her family while pointedly not looking at the neon "THAT'S JUST YOU IN YOUR EARLY 20S" sign in the back

[flametrashiraarchive]

Reader teaching Haganezuka how to eat that kittykat and fuck it properly because we all know he's a virgin still uwu

(bonus points for size kink, implied age gap [reader 20s])

(bonus points and cookies for Haganezuka being so focused, listening very intently to the puss eating lesson but gets super into it and tunes out reader as he begins to figure what to do and he can't stop himself from overstimmulating reader, which has reader smacking his head so he finally lets go)

Argh yes okay here we go! I love this beautiful nutjob and I got carried away. (I left the age of the reader ambiguous because personally I am old as shit, but I think I get cookies still for the overstimmulating?)

Also... I really want to write a part 2. I want us to take care of him after the events of season 3 because I just know that once the adrenaline wore off this poor man was hurting so bad.

Anyway, enjoy!

UNBREAKABLE, UNQUENCHABLE.

F!Reader x Hotaru Haganezuka

Content Guidance: cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected vaginal sex, overstimulation, not stopping when reader tells him to (reader is still into it though)

Minors DNI.

"I don't make swords for civilians," the swordsmith said, his voice deep and his tone final. He turned away from you, continuing his journey down the mountain path, the soft thud of his footsteps accompanied by the gentle tinkling of the windchimes hanging from his hat.

Your heart sank for a moment before you steeled your resolve and renewed your determination. It was never going to be easy and you'd mentally prepared for rejection. This swordsmith was infamous for his unbending resolve and temper. 

Running a step ahead of him, you turned to stare into the wide bug-eyes of his hyottoko mask. "Please, Haganezuka... I need a nichirin blade."

He continued walking as if he expected to simply pass through you. "No."

"But it's the only thing I can use to kill demons."

He paused. "Demon slayers kill demons. Not civilians. No sword for you."

"I am a demon slayer, just not an official one." You brace yourself for a telling off. Usually whenever you admitted to going rogue you were met with lectures about the proper way to do things and told to leave things to the demon slayer corps— but their numbers were dwindling and you'd never quite figured out breathing styles well enough for your sensei to agree to send you to final selection. Still, hacking and slashing got the job done with the right blade. "Please, Haganezuka. I had a sword with your stamp on it before. It was the best blade I've ever had and—"

"Where did you get it?" His voice was strained as if forced between gritted teeth.

"I found it..."

"SOMEONE LOST MY SWORD?"

"Yes... maybe, but I found it. It served me well and I really want another."

He turned his face away from you slightly, making the windchimes ring. "What happened to it? Did you lose the sword too?"

"No, it broke."

You could've sworn he was vibrating. "m-m-m-m-m-m-my SWORD???"

The elongated lips of the mask poked your cheek as he stepped right up against you. His haori concealed the true size and density of his body, but with him standing so close, you could tell he was muscular and incredibly strong. He was also apparently unhinged, but then again, you reasoned, what was life without a little zest?

“YOU BROKE MY SWORD??”

You'd been pre-warned that his swords were the key to winning him over, so you kept your voice level as you emptied your arsenal. "Your sword was the finest sword I have ever seen. It was an honor to wield it, Mr. Haganezuka. Not even the blade of a hashira could compare to the sublime craftsmanship of that sword. I dream about that sword." You placed a hand on his chest, feeling the heat of his body pulse against your palm as you added in a lower, more sultry tone. "And I've dreamed about meeting the artist who forged such a perfect sword for a very long time."

His chest rose sharply as he pushed out the only response he could manage; a strained, breathless grunt.

Taking his broad, calloused hand in yours, you gazed into the eyes of his mask. "Mr. Haganezuka... please make me a sword?"

The trees swayed overhead, the sigh of the leaves the only break in the utter silence between you and the swordsmith.

"Mister Haganezuka?"

The windchimes tinkled. "Tell me your name."

You told him, and he repeated it back, slowly and carefully as if trying it out.

The mask's mouth moved to your nose as he stared you in the eyes. "Mine is Hotaru. Do you need a husband?"

"I... uhh..." you stammered, suddenly feeling very warm as the heat of his burly frame pulsed against you. "Do I need a..."

He carefully removed the hyottoko mask and with it, removed every particle of air from your lungs. Ravenette hair threaded with silver, amber eyes which glowed like the forge, dark, severe eyebrows which slanted downward as he awaited your answer. He was... beautiful, treading the fine line between painfully pretty and achingly rugged.

"Yes." You said firmly. "Yes I do need a husband."

-------------------------------------------------------

Two days later you were married to Hotaru and about to spend your first night at the Swordsmith Village. Ordinarily, outsiders had to undergo a lengthy initiation process to ensure the village remained a secret, but the village chief fast-tracked your application and damn near pulled you through the gates himself.

It seemed he was just as keen as you were to get your marriage to Hotaru underway. In fact, the whole village pitched in to ensure your wedding went ahead quickly and without a snag.

“Thank you for marrying Hotaru,” the village chief whispered while you were in the middle of your vows. “You have no idea the relief you have brought to the village. We were beginning to lose hope. He has never shown any interest in anything besides swords. Once Hotaru finds something to focus his attention on it's nigh impossible to tear him away from it.”

Before you knew it, you were a wife, married to a man so introverted he spent the majority of your wedding day hiding behind a tree, peering out at you as you chatted to the villagers. In fact, he only came out from behind the tree when someone walked over to congratulate him on the marriage, and even then it was only to find a different tree to hide behind.

"Hotaru..." you sighed adoringly as you slipped away from the crowd to stand beside your husband in his hiding spot. "Are you unhappy?"

He shook his head. "No. I'm happy."

"Ah... You just prefer to be alone?"

"Yes. With you. I want to be alone with you."

He was a strange man, but he melted your heart with every other word. And Gods, he was beautiful. You yearned for him like no other. You craved him.

"Husband, for my wedding gift, will you—"

"No sword for you," he said firmly. "No fighting demons. No risking your life. You are my wife now and it's my job to protect you, even if that means protecting you from yourself. So no sword."

You couldn't help but smile. It seemed Hotaru's dedication to being a husband was as intense as his dedication to smithing.

"I promise, no more demon slaying, but I wasn't going to ask about the sword."

"Oh?"

You leaned in and whispered against his ear. "I was going to ask you to take me to bed."

His orange eyes snapped to your lips as though he couldn't quite believe what you had said. He cleared his throat and tried to speak but only managed a choked grunt.

Silence descended between you until he finally found his voice. "I don't know how to do… those things."

"I can teach you."

He didn't speak. He simply took your hand in his and led you away from the wedding party and deep into the woods. After a minute he looked back at you and picked you up, carrying you against his burly chest.

"Where are we going?" you asked.

"A place where we can be alone. They won't find us."

He carried you a little further, to a small, seemingly abandoned work shed. Inside there was a small forge and smithing tools, and a small living area with a bed and basic amenities. The air was thick with the lingering tang of smoke and molten steel.

"Is... this our home?"

Hotaru shook his head. "This is where I come to work in peace when I really need to concentrate.''

He set you down carefully beside the bed and waited. Except, he wasn't simply "waiting." Hotaru's eyes drank you in, gazing at you with soft reverence. He was so big, so intimidating and by all accounts completely lacking any kind of social skills, but you had won his heart entirely. He was softer than molten steel for you, and more than willing for you to hone and hammer him into the shape you desired him to be.

"Teach me," he said. "I'm ready."

You nodded, your heart thrumming with the anticipation of what was to come. "Okay. Would you like to use your fingers? Your tongue? Or your cock?"

"Yes. All. Teach me how to use them."

Marrying this strange man had definitely been one of your better decisions.

Closing the space between you, you wrapped your arms around your husband's neck and gazed into those fiery eyes. "Well, we should start with a kiss. Do you know how to do that?"

His brow knitted. "Yes of course I know how to kiss."

"Good. Then kiss me, Hotaru."

He leaned down and pecked your cheek.

"Was that good?" An expectant look lingered on his face, faltering by the second. "I... that's what you want, isn't it? Do you want more? I can give you more."

Gods, the man was completely uninitiated.

Still, you couldn't help but smile as he eagerly peppered your cheek with little kisses; dozens of them, soft and dry and so sweet. His brow remained furrowed in concentration throughout, and you remained patient as he expressed his devotion. But when they inched closer to the corner of your mouth you turned your face to press your lips to his. 

The moment your lips touched, he froze, eyes wide as you gently and slowly pulled him into your kiss.

His lips were still and stiff beneath yours as he adjusted to the new sensation. And then they softened. Gradually, tentatively, he followed your lead. His lips crept across yours, careful and slow like he was learning the steps to a new dance and didn't want to tread on you.

You licked the seam between his lips, easing your tongue through the gap as he inhaled sharply and he brought his hands to your waist.

And then something inside him snapped. A restraint cut loose.

He wound his arms around you, lifting you off the ground. The strength in his arms was breathtaking; forged by decades of tireless labor, and now wholly dedicated to you as he pushed you down onto the bed and slipped his tongue into your mouth, exploring this newfound pleasure.

Your kisses awakened a voracious appetite in him and before long he was devouring you with heated passion, barely giving you time to breathe. It was as if he had gone his entire life without intimacy, but once the dam had cracked it was impossible to stop the flood.

His tongue stroked yours again and again as his tough hands skated up the length of your legs. When he reached your knees he granted your tingling lips a reprieve, kissing your throat as he pushed up the skirt of your wedding dress and squeezed the tender flesh of your thighs with a wanton groan. 

"My pretty wife," he growled as you shifted beneath him, craving his touch. "Tell me how to make you feel good."

You parted your legs, pulling your skirt up all the way to reveal yourself to him. A sharp intake of breath expanded Hotaru's chest as he looked down at your pussy. A muscle in his cheek danced and his grip on your thighs tightened as his eyes filled with a look of pure hunger.

"Do you want to touch me?" you asked, your breaths coming in shallow bursts as anticipation coiled in your belly.

His answer was barely a whisper. "Very much." He swallowed hard. "May I?"

"Please... please do," you whispered, your need for him drowning out the rest of the world. It was just you and Hotaru, and nothing else mattered. 

The sound of his shaking breaths was the only break in the silence. His hand left your thigh and he gently brushed his fingertips along the edge of your folds. 

“Soft,” Was the only word which emerged from his lips as he stared and explored the shape of you. His orange eyes were focused, his perpetually furrowed brow somehow even more severe. Hotaru was lost in concentration, entirely focused on mapping the curves and ridges of your cunt.

You lay there on the bed, letting him find his bearings. His gentle exploratory touches sent shivers through your body. Those rough, calloused fingers touched you with such care and attentiveness. His eyes snapped back to yours every time you made a sound or breathed a little harder.

Hotaru was a devoted craftsman– his hands finely tuned tools– and they were dedicated entirely to your pleasure. He found your entrance and pushed a finger into you, watching intently as your pussy clenched around it.

You sighed in pleasure. "Gods, Hotaru, you're making me so wet…"

"Is that good? Am I making you happy?"

"Yes. That's good."

"Hm," he muttered, as if filing the information away. "A wet wife is a happy wife."

A sharp gasp escaped you as he nudged the hood of your clit with his thumb and his lips curved into a smile. 

"You like this, don't you?" He hummed pensively and circled your clit, spreading your wetness.

Squirming beneath him, you nodded as the heat on your cheeks blossomed. "Yes, Hotaru. Keep doing that."

Gods, those rough hands. They sent jolts of pleasure surging through your body as he lavished attention on your clit, fascinated by the way it swelled as he worked with dogged determination. He added another thick finger to your cunt, stretching you deliciously.

A quiet groan emerged from him as you began to fuck yourself on his fingers, hard and fast as he rubbed your clit. He watched you intently, his lips parting in sync with your cry as your first orgasm of the night rocked through your body.

"Oh look at you, my pretty wife with your sensitive little bead." He moved down your body, lowered his head and nuzzled your clit with his nose. 

"Ho-taru…"

The wet heat of his mouth closed over your tender bud, pulling another cry from your lips. 

"Ah! You like that too," he murmured as he knelt between your knees, his long, dark hair spread like strands of seaweed across your thighs. 

"Yes. D-do it again… please… use your tongue."

“My tongue?”

You sucked in a breath as he licked your clit with the tip of his tongue, tasting your essence. 

He groaned. "Mm~ fuck, this is good." 

"More… please…" 

In response to your demand, he raised his hand to press his thumb against your lower lip. "Show me how to lick you well."

Gods, this man. You took his thumb into your mouth, showing him exactly what to do, licking the tip of it as if it was your clit. He groaned as you lapped his thumb, his eyes fluttering shut as his jaw clenched. 

"That feels… huh…" He bit back a groan before burying his face in your pussy and replicating the motion on your clit.

Thank the Gods he has the foresight to take you away from the village, because the sounds he pulled from you were unholy. He was eager and so receptive to your lessons.

Hotaru put everything he had into eating your pussy; the slick, sucking sound of his mouth and his hot, wet tongue accompanied by your desperate cries. With every passing moment his confidence grew, pumping those thick fingers into you and curling them against your walls, his mouth and fingers working in tandem to give you more pleasure than you ever expected. 

As he pleasured you, he ground his hips against the mattress, groaning as he pushed his fingers deeper into your mouth. It was too good, too intense. Your senses were flooded with him; the sight of that beautiful man devouring you, the acrid scent of the forge, the lewd wet sound of his mouth on your cunt. And Gods, nothing had ever felt so good before. 

Hotaru was born to forge swords and eat pussy, and he did both with unbreakable focus. 

You sucked his fingers and he sucked your clit, groaning as he voraciously lapped the sensitive nub, driving you higher… higher…

An immense wave of pleasure crashed through you as you reached your peak, the force of your orgasm making your legs tremble. His name tore through you like a cry to the heavens, his answer a soft moan which vibrated through your core as he kept on licking. On and on, lapping at your pulsing clit as you gasped and bucked your hips against his insatiable mouth.

"Ho-taru… you did it… you made me–"

Taking his fingers from your mouth, he slung a heavy arm across your belly and continued eating you out, unrelenting, pulling another choked cry from you. Hotaru was drunk on you, on the taste and the knowledge that he was pleasing you; groaning, grinding his hips against the mattress, breathing in the intoxicating scent of you as he fluttered his tongue over your overstimulated clit.

The village chief had told you his focus was unbreakable, and now that attention was dedicated to your pussy. He was lost in you, wholly devoted to pleasuring you. You tangled your fingers in his hair, torn between needing respite and craving more. 

He propelled you from your second orgasm right into your third. Intense pleasure drove your head back against the pillow as you screamed in ecstasy and torment, your pussy throbbing beneath his lips as your nectar ran down his chin. And still, he licked you with an unquenchable thirst.

"Hotaru! Ho- oh it's too much.” 

He hit a spot inside your cunt which made the world shatter around the pair of you, sending you careening into another climax which turned your blood to liquid steel. “Too much! I can't!" You swatted at his forehead, smacking him with your fingertips as you wriggled out from beneath him. 

Your husband stared at you, dazed and breathless, his lips glistening with your slick juices. "Did… did I do it right?"

You gasped for air, trembling down to your bones. “You did it perfectly, Hotaru.” 

He pulled you into him and kissed you. You licked the taste of your desire from his lips, swallowing the low groan which rolled from his chest. His lips caressed yours with deep, undying passion, his hand dropping to the bulge tenting his hakama trousers.

“Let me take care of you now,” you whispered into his ear as your hand joined his, cupping his cock and making him moan. “Lie back for me, my love.”

He did as you asked without protest. It was true that you wanted to take care of him and give him as much pleasure as he had given you, but in a more practical sense, being on top of him allowed you to have control. You were already so fucked out, and from the feel of things–from the girth and weight of it through his trousers– control was definitely going to be necessary.

You stood from the bed and undressed as he gazed up at you, languidly palming his cock in his broad hand and drinking in the sight of you.

“Such a lovely wife,” he whispered, his orange eyes heavy with desire.

“And I have such a handsome husband…” you replied as you undressed him, revealing his big, muscular body inch by firmly hewn inch. He was a mountain of a man, and Gods, there wasn’t a thing you would change about him. “A handsome husband who pleases me well…” You kissed him, gently pushing him back and straddling his hips. “And who makes the very best swords in all the world–”

“Ohh…” He groaned, gripping your hips as you brushed the fat tip of his cock against your pussy. “Say that again.”

“Hm? That you’re the best swordsmith in the world?” You eased the top inch of him in, letting your body adjust to the sensation. “That your swords are works of art?”

“Gods, I want you,” he hissed, baring his teeth and gazing up at you from the pillow. A deep, longing groan emerged from him as you inched your way down his length. “You… you are…so warm… so wet… beautiful.”

You skated your hands over the plain of his abdomen, taking him deeper, your back arching as he stretched you even at that slow pace. When you finally reached the bottom of his shaft, you were breathless, tingling at your core. Hotaru was even less composed than you. 

The swordsmith growled, bending his knees to slide his legs up and down the mattress, fighting the urge to fuck up into you. His cock twitched inside you as you rocked forward to kiss him, your breasts pressed against his burly chest, his rough hands skating up your back. 

“I love you, Hotaru,” you whispered before rocking back to start riding his cock. 

“I–ngggh ohh… ohhh!” he groaned, eyes widening, fingers digging into your hips with bruising ferocity as you bounced on top of him. His control slipped almost immediately. 

He fell apart, groaning and thrusting up into you with a loud moan. His eyes screwed shut, his face flushed scarlet, and he trembled beneath you as his cum flooded into you, spilling out onto the base of his cock.

Pulling you down into an embrace, Hotaru held you in his arms, his heart thrumming beneath your ear. His big, broad hand stroked your back as he kissed the top of your head and his cock softened inside you.

After his breathing returned to normal, he gathered his senses long enough to ask, “Do you need more, my love?”

“I’m more than satisfied,” you said with a smile. 

He was asleep a second later. 

You lay there, pinned by his arms, crushed up against this strange, wonderful man you called your husband, and there was nowhere else you would rather be. 

[quitealotofsodapop]

This idea would probably be for soft Boiled and slow boiled, basically any au where Wukong is MK's teacher and not his sibling or parent. Kaiju forms.

I personally headcanon the kaiju forms and projections in the show (Mei's dragoon and Macaque's giant war form) are more... projections of one's soul/true self. So... for those who are not aware, Wukong does canonically have one on the book. It's a giant limbed monkey and with multiple heads and arms. It so is canonically so terrifying that it had frightened both his enemies and his own people so badly he had been utterly heartbroken by the event.

Sometime between s4 and s5, Wukong is working with MK to help him get used to his new monkey form and trying to help him control it. The kaiju form MK took dueint the battle with Azure comes up and MK asks about it. When Wukong explains what it was, MK gets super excited to learn and wants Wukong to teach him except...

Wukong: Sorry kid, I can't teach you how to control your kaiju. You'd actually be better off asking either Mei or, ugh, Macaque!

MK: WHAT!? Why not!?

Yesss

Wukong canonically does not like his War/Kaiju Form.

The clearest idea I could gt of how it might have looked was from a toy site, I imagine in LMK verse its lot more solid-coloured and vaguely shaped;

In Jttw he loses all interest in his victory against Heaven when his Kaiju Form scares his own people - and if we add in the Brotherhood, Macaque as well.

We discussed in dms how Wukong's anger under the mountain was likely a mixture of despair (they lost and couldn't save their bros from punishment), pain (fresh from the Furmace yo), and self-hatred.

This newly unlocked form of his - this manifestation of his inner self, was so terrifying that his own people, his allies, his own mate fled at the sight of it.

Macaque did "run off" that day, hence part of Wukong's anger. But afterwards, after the fight, Macaque had to admit to himself that while Wukong's kaiju-form was terrifying it had also been beautiful. Beautiful and sublime like a star going supernova.

Macaque's own Kaiju can be separated from him as a shadow of himself, but he's secretly ashamed of his reaction to Wukong's all those centuries ago. When he does let his Kaiju form take over his real body, it becomes primal, impulsive and brutally honest. Something that honestly helps with how quick he is to dodge confrontation.

Mei's (and by extension Ao Guang's) "dragons" are literal manifestations of what their true forms may be. Mei could have her own American-Dragon-style dragon form she could flaunt if she worked at it. That or the energy is literally Ao Lie's spirit coming in clutch as a power-up.

Ao Guang's dragon-energy meanwhile looks like his lego set colouration, suggesting homebody just a big lazy to waste his true massive form on them.

So when Wukong and the gang sees MK's own Kaiju/War-form for the first time during his fight with Azure....

Wukong is like "NOPE! Not my expertise!" cus he literally only used his War Form twice in the entirety of the book - the Battle of Flower Fruit Mountain, and when him and DBK had a Kaiju vs Kaiju battle together later in the Journey.

When MK prods him about it, Wukong becomes... kinda cold and closed off, telling MK that he's better off talking to Macaque about it.

Macaque is still barely in the "anti-hero" category, so MK is a little hesistant to ask him for help (especially since one of Macaque's teaching methods included a rom hack).

MK even tries going to DBK on the matter first, but the retired-demon king has a similar negative reaction. Seems that even he didn't like the Bull he became when him and Wukong truly fought. It's why he even refused to transform when he was under true duress from LBD or the Brotherhood.

DBK does give MK advice on what a "Kaiju/War form" is though. DBK's mind had been clouded with anger when he was a younger man, so his became a pure-white charging bull that destroyed all in it's path. Sun Wukong does not care for his War Form since it truly scares him to use.

MK thinks that impossible! Why would the Monkey King be afraid of his own super-cool power?

Until DBK asks him something important; "Aren't you afraid of yours?"

MK's complex over learning that he's a "Harbinger of Chaos" hits immediately, and he runs off to seek Macaque's guidance.

Macaque is amused, if not a little surprised that MK ultiamtely went to him for help with his Kaiju form.

MK: "Trust me bro, you're like my third choice. I can't ask Mei cus not even she knows how her's works." Macaque: "Eh. I'll take it. I am curious why yours is so much more taller than mine though."

Hint: it's a self worth thing Macaque developed whilst under the Brotherhood that he needed to "limit the space he took up", he's still working on that.

Some fun mentor-and-son-figure kaiju training occurs, and MK eventually asks a bombshell question;

MK: "Hey when Monkey King said you ran off, what did he mean?" Macaque, stiffens: "I didn't run from the celestial army if thats what you're wondering." MK, remembering what DBK said: "Were you afraid of Him?" Macaque, pauses and sighs: "At the time yes." MK: "At the time?" Macaque: "MK, in that moment, I hadn't known Wukong even had a War Form or even knew what they truly meant. All I saw was this... demon where my best friend once stood." MK: "OH... I mean... that sorta explains why you guys were fighting under the mountain." Macaque: "Yeah. You can see why I called him-" MK: "I mean, I wouldn't know how bad I'd feel if Mei ran away from me cus of my power up..." Macaque: "...what?" MK: "You ran away from your best friend. That's not cool. Scared or not, that was your buddy in there. And if he saw you running or I dunno shadow portal-ing away, I'd get why he was so salty when you popped up later with a peach like nothing had happened. From his view, he was going through something new and terrifying for him too and you abandoned him. Twice if you never came back to check in on him." Macaque: "... you're a smart kid MK. Way too smart for me." (*Macaque portals away to make a long overdue apology*)

Macaque himself seemed to be having a similar revelation when he saw the fight in 3rd person in the Memory Scroll. That his own reaction was more of a build-up of frustration from his treatment in the Brotherhood rather at Wukong specifically.

In Short; these bitches needed a relationship referee to call a yellow car when they tossed their unrelated anger at each other.

Bonus: I love the idea of Wukong's kaiju form being HUGE, and MK's being the medium between him and Macaque. Also, cuddly giant monkeys made of light and shadow.

[cure-icy-writes]

"art is dying, no one appreciates art" well i do, actually. i think the problem is that no one has the money to appreciate art.

today i bought a gorgeous print of a sandpiper. it was twelve dollars, and i'm going to hang it on my wall. it reminded me of a certain short film, and it spoke to me about the whimsy and realism of life. i liked the artist's other work, i liked the idea of a beach that isn't so aestheticized but is nostalgic. here is the moss on the buoys and the reflections on the water. here is a tangled mass of rope.

if i had more money, do you know how much more art i would buy? i could make an entire room into a little gallery. I could have some couches and a coffee table with some books of photography on it. I could put a landscape sublimation printed onto aluminum on my wall. I could keep a catalogue of business cards and a printed binder of information on each and every piece of art I bought, how it was made and the story of the artist. I could invite my friends over to chat there, and we could play silly board games or curl up on the couch with hacked 3ds collections to play something nostalgic together.

I could get a print of van gogh's sunflowers. To remind me that there's joy in life when you take your antidepressants. I'm not kidding; that's exactly what the painting means to me. He was on antidepressants derived from foxglove and he saw the color yellow more intensely because of them. he was in the hospital for depression and he was being treated and he painted flowers full of light without shadows because he saw hope and joy and a life worth living.

I'm just saying. If the government decided to give me a universal basic income or something? I could dedicate so much of it to making and sharing and curating and collecting the art that I like. idk if there's a big point to be made here and I genuinely sympathize with anyone who's trying to make it as a professional artist. but i think art would probably do better and be more lucrative if we had like. the human right to survive not on bread alone.

[manorpunk]

Teach Me, Maria-Sensei! 2️⃣

The beginning of vtuber-sensation-turned-president Sunny Roosevelt’s administration was marked by the building of an unofficial inner circle populated with a rotating cast of minor celebrities, provisional government holdovers, and general oddballs, which Sunny allegedly nicknamed ‘the mod squad.’ Multiple members of the mod squad have anonymously stated that Sunny would contact them by appearing unannounced on the screens of their electronic devices, utilizing an exploit in the Usonian emergency broadcast system that allowed her to hack any registered internet-connected device and force it to accept her calls. Sunny’s physical appearance and location remain a mystery to this day, as she is only seen in her vtuber form, even to the mod squad.

+++++

Maria: You’re wearing a schoolgirl outfit. You’re the president and you’re wearing a schoolgirl outfit.

Sunny: Okay first of all, this isn’t just ‘a schoolgirl outfit.’ Do you not recognize Sunny-Senpai #C37? That’s like saying the Sistine Chapel is ‘just some painting.’

Maria: The Sistine Chapel isn’t a painting.

Sunny: You’re right, it’s not just a painting. It’s more than a painting. It’s sublime. It transcends the limitations of the form. Just like how Sunny-Senpai #C37 does.

Maria: No, the Sistine Chapel literally isn’t a…

Maria: [several seconds of spluttering]

Maria: …and how, exactly, does a skimpy schoolgirl outfit ‘transcend the limitations of the form?’

Sunny: By bringing in absurd amounts of money! [giggle] This sexy little number is worth more than Belgium.

Maria: You can’t achieve the lofty heights of the gesamtkunstwerk just by being commercially successful, and furthermore, you leave the Belgians out of this.

Sunny: I don’t know what that means so I’m getting back on topic. See, I’m not just wearing this outfit because it’s popular, it’s because it’s also a gesture of my goodwill. You said I wasn’t taking these lessons seriously, and you know what? I took that seriously. So I’m returning to you in the form of a student. I’m dressing for the role. I’m wearing something that says “teach me, Maria-sensei.”

Maria: That’s, well, that’s… not how I would phrase it, but I suppose I can appreciate the gesture. Franklin’s ghost, five minutes in and this conversation is giving me vertigo.

Maria: [suspicious] Wait, so you’re trying to butter me up?

Sunny: [chuckles] Don’t worry, it’s just because I want something from you. It’s not because I like or respect you as a person.

Maria: Ah. I am simultaneously relieved to know that our relationship is purely extractive and also concerned that someone in a position of power such as yourself would want something from me.

Sunny: Just how I like it. [winks] So anyway, here’s the thing. These past couple decades, they’ve been pretty bonkers, right? Everything since 202X has been weird and bad and frankly stupid.

Maria: Not inaccurate.

Sunny: And like you said, we’re trying to distance ourselves from all that. And by ‘ourselves’ I mean me. We’re Usonia now! Under new management!

Sunny: [peace sign gesture]

Sunny: But if I’m gonna do that, then I need to know the deal, you know? I want the deal, the whole deal, and nothing but the deal. But when I ask people around me about stuff like the Polycrisis, or the Sheriff’s Rebellion, or Zombie Covid, do you know what they say?

Maria: Go on.

Sunny: They go ‘ohh, you know, it’s so complicated, we still don’t know the whole story, I don’t want to get the details wrong.’ They’re so scared of giving the wrong take. But I get the feeling that’s not a problem for you, Maria.

Maria: Of course. I’ve never been wrong about anything in my life.

[vigilskeep]

Varric said all the non romanced companions left for the sake of the sentence structure, the word flow, the atmosphere, the themes. You wouldn’t understand his sublime authorial vision

he’s a hack and i know more than him

[laurelnose]

my favorite thing about Jedao Two is 1) he has dysphoria over having Jedao Prime’s body and 2) rather than fantasizing about being made some preferred different shape, he sublimates both the normal body dysphoria and his trauma over being created in the image of a mass murderer into constantly fantasizing about being made for a different purpose whenever he encounters an obstacle. He’s really like, “Oh, a problem. Fuck I wish I had been purpose-made to deal with this instead of for mass death and destruction,” every single time! Nervous about duel? If only I had twice the arms for four times the swords. Shot in both knees? Wish I had enough extra knees to ignore this. Have to hack a grid? Damn, would be nice if Kujen made me out of a servitor. Need to fly but taking damage? This would be so much easier if I’d been made into an actual mothdrive. Chained to table? Annoying how I wasn’t made to be able to physically break handcuffs open. incredibly funny coping mechanism honestly

[churchofthecomet]

one thing about Hardison in Leverage is, you can't convince me this man would be using Microsoft Windows Fucking 7 as his daily driver operating system:

all the real-life hackers, infosec people, and computer enthusiasts I know are running Linux. the only computer folks I know running Windows are establishment SWE types or those who do IT for Windows-centric organizations. Hardison is neither of those archetypes, and he should care enough about defensive privacy-mindedness to not let Microsoft telemetrize his shit. plus Linux is just... easier to hack from. and it has severe nerd cred, even more so in 2008-2013 when the show was made.

honestly with what we see of Hardison, i headcanon him as someone who either

runs Arch, won't stop letting you know the extent to which he runs Arch, switches desktop environments every two weeks (which means that nobody but him can keep up with his constantly-changing keybindings), types in Dvorak

runs something completely wacky like resurrected Plan 9, wrote a modern browser for it in a weekend, claims it's the "OS of the future" despite being one of five people currently using it, won't shut up about "distributed computing" and "new architecture for the 21st century" on programming forums

built the world's first big quantum computer (this is how he effortlessly hacks into securely encrypted systems!) and wrote his own OS for it. every time they abandon their HQ in a hurry, he has to build another one. he sinks 90% of his income into this project, but it's worth it because it ups his effectiveness as a hacker by like 100x

and to go along with that headcanon, I think they aren't showing us the OS that he's really using because it would "be too confusing" or "burn out our eyes" or something. like a mixture of "actually they weren't speaking English in Lord of the Rings, Tolkien translated it so we could understand" and "the angel does not appear to you in its true form because you would be struck down by its sublime beauty"

basically my ideal show is Leverage but the hacking and computer stuff is more accurate. with a little leeway for badassery of course! but please god not Windows... don't do my man Hardison like this please

[bbs-backlog-challenge]

Fin or Bin: Earthbound

Ugh, I am so sick of these stupid Undertale rip off games. This one, if you can believe it, is about the life of Sans before he became a skeleton, like anyone wanted that.

...Sorry. Just kidding. (If you got mad, you owe me a reblog.)

Having apologised for that, now let me make you mad by saying I am playing a heavily modded version of the game, in specific using the Better Controls and Double Exp hacks, and I have absolutely no apologies for that.

I have in fact played this before, making it a decent chunk through before getting too frustrated with the archaic controls and truly awful battle mechanics to get any further. It was a very difficult decision as everything going on around those problems was sublime and so very nearly worth putting up with it. What did me in ultimately was a boss fight in which the actual strategy was "hope you get lucky", the combination of incurable status effects and damage output it had being essentially a series of dice rolls to determine if you won.

But for every miserable boss fight dragging the game down, there's a Saturn Valley bringing it back among the stars, and that was why I stopped. I LOVED what the game was doing it, and the terrible mechanics were ruining my enjoyment. Earthbound was doing far too much good stuff to allow that to happen so I put it off until I could return to it with save states, and rewind, and quality-of-life mods, and a guide in front of me.

Listen. No one has ever sold Earthbound on the strength of its gameplay.

Fin or Bin:

A second bite of the cherry then for this effortlessly funny and characterful experience that manages to be gloriously surreal and offbeat without congratulating itself for it. Thank goodness Ness is a silent protagonist so we don't have to deal with him looking into the camera and saying "um, wow, okay, THAT sure just happened" every five seconds, but that's an entirely unrelated complaint for another blog. I'm ENJOYING it, that's what matters, and though I failed last time, THIS time is definitely a Fin.

[the-least-undefinable-ordinal]

video game recs?

Most of these games are on steam and their devs will probably do a better job selling them to you, the only exception is Nethack, it's open source though.

I'll also include games that are fairly popular, just in case you hadn't heard of them or they just happened to fade into the background noise of all the popular releases at the time.

Battle Brothers: Turn based low medieval fantasy strategy game. It just feels good to play on a moment to moment basis, the writing is great, if a bit misanthropic at times.

Darkest Dungeon: Turn based dungeon crawler with a setting heavily inspired by Lovecraft's original works. It explores the mental toll a life of dungeon delving would take, it doesn't have an explicit morality system but you end up making hard choices nonetheless.

Deep Rock Galactic: Co-op (up to) 4 player FPS where you're dwarves in space working for a laughably callous mining corporation. The game is great on its own but the devs stand out by being great to their players too (I don't think I've got the space to elaborate here though).

Disco Elysium: One of the best RPGs I've ever played, great writing, you play a drunk amnesiac detective who can plausibly get a heart attack from sitting in an uncomfortable chair.

Dredge: You have a fishing boat and you eventually start finding fish that were better left at the bottom of the ocean.

Dwarf Fortress: Masterwork of a game with a steep learning curve, a colony simulator where you manage dwarves. I went to war with two neighbouring civilization because (a) I have no distinction between police and army and (b) my army has very little understanding of the concept of "non-lethal force".

Euro Truck Simulator 2: Relaxing to play while listening to some albums, I've recently enjoyed David Bowie's first album.

FTL: Faster Than Light: Sci-fi roguelike with a wonderful combat system and great music. It's a really hard game though, I've got like 130 hours in it and like 4 victories (a good run is at most 2 hours long).

Hacknet: Puzzle game where you play a hacker, I love how the devs bothered to leave interesting files to go through in the computers you hack.

Hades: Roguelike with fun writing, pretty character designs and great voice acting.

Hollow Knight: Metroidvania with a gorgeous world to explore and a sublime soundtrack. I've heard it compared in atmosphere and world building to Dark Souls, which is great because my laptop starts to overheat in protest as soon as I start typing "Dark souls torrent " in my searchbar.

Kerbal Space Program: You are in charge of a space program, I'm currently doing small suborbital flights but I'll eventually have to send a rocket to the Mun (its in-game spelling). The physics are simulated in loving detail, the game includes a watered-down introduction to aerodynamics and orbital mechanics.

Nethack: An AD&D inspired roguelike that is older than I am, its systems are delightfully complex, it has ASCII graphics but you get used to them pretty quickly. My thesis advisor used to play this when he was my age.

[golvio]

What I have extrapolated about TotK!Ganondorf’s personality and motives based on the Fuse mechanic:

Intense passion for abstract sculpture based on very, very loose self-portraits (the Blight Ganons and Clammy himself, plus the myriad veins and ribcages, eyes and mouths scattered across Hyrule).

Intense passion for architectural design, demonstrated by him literally trying to merge with the ceiling of Zelda’s house because he loved those soaring arches and circular dome that much.

Intense passion for bioengineering, shown by whatever the hell he’s been doing to those poor monsters that turned their horns into silly hats.

Loves the verdant green plains of Hyrule so much that he will literally grind his bone marrow into the dirt to be taken up by the wildflowers and insert his cells like that nasty little cancer that infects Tasmanian Devils into every single animal. I don’t believe it, but we’ve actually met someone who’s even more intense about biology than Zelda. Anything that manages to survive his attention tends to turn weird hues of purple and red.

Loves robotics and mechanical engineering so much that he’s figured out how to hack into every surviving robutt and has Robloxed robot parts onto his various little sculpture-selves to feel as close as possible to the object of his obsession.

Goddesses help any man this guy dates, because if he takes his approach to his passions to other people, well…you saw what happened to Astor.

Hyrule Warriors was not kidding when it described Calamity Ganon taking an interest in acquiring information as an “obsession.” This man cannot like things a normal, non-self-destructive amount. If he falls in love with something, he will want to crawl inside of it and live there forever.

If he hates something, he will also crawl inside of it and live there forever, trying to kill it from the inside or just ruminating ruminating ruminating, even if it’s to his detriment. His interests are frustrated by his quest for revenge, so they’re sublimated and pop up in other areas in bizarre ways.

[lost-ash-es]

freestyle

fucking lit

like a wick

on a candle

that gets lit

by my fucking lighter bic

and they calling me a dick

and i say

why

you saying lies

they say look me in the eyes

you speak these curses

like they're verses

but you dying all the time

not freestyle part

you talk like you're rough

but you ain't fucking tough

act strong

like you belong

drinking potion

from the ocean

you say its mystical

but you're getting critical

and this aint fucking cool

you're swimming in a pool

of your self made doubt

in water like a trout

but you cant fucking breathe

you don't have oxygen you heave

you saying you're sublime

drinking whiskey with the lime

and you're running out of time

dont even got another line

BUT LIL SQUID GOT BARS LIKE XANAX

MAKING THE WHOLE CROWD PANIC

THEY CALLING ME SATANIC

AND SAY IM FUCKING MANIC

PUT ME IN A STRAIGHT JACKET

LIKE I CANT FUCKING HACK IT

and i wish i could stop

but i cant till i drop

and they clean me up with a mop

until then

i'll hang with my friends

cuz my mind i cant bend

these thoughts i cant send

just waiting till the end

-ash