#Stuff to finish and experiment with… ugh I’ll get to it all eventually

[alonzoarts]

would it be so bad… if I skipped another day? My heart says yes, my body says no.

I think I’ll hit the hay.

[set-in-stardust]

wrote another short for @shepscapades ethubs dbhc au!! highly recommend reading her comic (and looking at her AMAZING art) before reading!

[FIC BELOW READ MORE!]

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“Bdubs.”

“Yes, my love?” 

Etho smiled. 

“I have a theory.” 

Bdubs looked up at Etho from his place on the dirt, already pulling off his gardening gloves. 

“A theory? What, you a scientist or something?” he snickered. Etho offered him a hand to get to his feet, and he took it. 

“If I’m a scientist, I’m not a very good one,” he chuckled. “But I guess I’m just curious. You wanna test it out with me?” 

They had been more than a human and his android friend for a while now, so Etho had taken to his own head to do a bit of… personal research. He wanted to show more affection in the way humans did, just to show Bdubs how much he cared, and he’d found some, confusing but interesting results. After looking into it further and diving deep into some sketchy forums, he was pretty sure this would work. 

Bdubs rose an eyebrow, frowning. 

“With you?” He narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “This isn’t something… weird, is it? Because that’s the vibe I’m getting here!” 

Etho rose an eyebrow.

“Weird? How so?”

“Like- Like, I dunno! It seems like you’re propositioning me for somethin’!” 

“Is that what you think of me? Wow, Bdubs-” 

“No, no no! Don’t you twist my words-” Bdubs huffed, then stamped his foot in the dirt. “Gah! You always do this! Seriously, they make you things way too smart-” He pinched his brows. “Nevermind. You can’t just ask me to test something with you while looking at me like- Like that! It’s weird, and you’re making Bdubs’ mind go to places Bdubs’ mind shouldn’t!” 

Etho blinked. 

“Looking at you like what?” He wasn’t making a face, was he? Bdubs couldn’t even see half of his face! There was no way he could tell what he was thinking just by looking at his eyes-

“Nevermind! Let’s just-” Bdubs waved a hand and turned, “-go do whatever it is you want me to. Make this quick, though – I’ve got moss to get back to!” 

“Your moss will be just fine, don’t worry,” Etho smiled, taking Bdubs’ hand to lead him back to the house. 

They got a few feet further before Bdubs grumbled, “I can walk myself, y’know,” but he didn’t let go. 

Etho led him inside and shut the door. He let Bdubs set his things down and get comfortable, watching him quietly. Eventually, Bdubs stopped trotting around, absentmindedly mumbling to himself, and stood in front of Etho again with his hands on his hips. He narrowed his eyes again. 

"What's this experiment then, huh? You gonna strap me to a table and probe me or something?" 

"If that's what you want, then-"

"No! Don't finish that sentence! I don't want that at all!" 

Etho laughed, "Really? Are you-"

"Yes I'm sure!" Bdubs poked him in the chest. "Just get on with it!" 

Etho stepped closer to Bdubs, studying him for a moment. He noted that his body temperature had risen, his face subtly flushed, but didn't think much of it. He was just outside working all day, after all. It only made sense. 

"Close your eyes." 

Bdubs frowned.

"What, are you gonna rob me or something? You know I've got nothin' worth robbing!" He crossed his arms over his chest, moss shedding from his sleeves with the movement. Etho made a note to buy a lint roller later. 

"I know. I carry your things for you,” he deadpanned, earning some more disgruntled noises from Bdubs. 

“Ugh, fine! I guess I’ll do it,” he huffed and turned his nose up. He squeezed his eyes shut, and Etho watched him carefully. He waited, just a few seconds, and Bdubs peeked just one eye open. 

“Liar,” he teased, and Bdubs threw his arms up. 

“You didn’t do anything! You’re tellin’ me to close my eyes and then not doing anything, how am I not gonna look?! You could be stealing my stuff!” 

“What stuff?” 

“Oh you-” Bdubs snapped his mouth shut, cutting himself off, then turned. He walked a little circle before planting himself right back in the same spot, reassuming his arms-crossed stance. “Fine, I’ll actually close my eyes this time. Happy?”

Etho watched him shut his eyes a second time and smiled, “Very.”

He waited another moment and, when Bdubs didn’t open his eyes again, he stepped closer. 

Careful, he thought. It is a delicate process for humans to get to this step in their relationships. I cannot mess this up. 

He brought his hand up to gently grace Bdubs’ cheek, fingers brushing warm skin. He caught the sharp inhale from the other, and he hesitated. 

“Is this alright?”

Bdubs just nodded, his jaw taught and shoulders tense. Etho worried he’d overstepped. 

“I need verbal confirmation.” He didn’t, but he wanted it. 

“Yes- I said make this quick, didn’t I?” 

Etho hummed, “Yes, you can’t leave your moss waiting.”

His fingers slid further back, his palm cupping Bdubs’ face. He was warm to the touch, and for a moment Etho worried he was developing a fever when he remembered that this was normal in this situation. He dipped his hand down to trace Bdubs’ jaw, pausing as he felt the pulse pick up beneath his touch. 

120 BPM, he measured. Interesting.

He pressed his palm to Bdubs’ skin, cupping his cheek. He felt him shift his weight, eyes catching the way he moved his foot over the floor, his hand slipping from Bdubs’ face as he moved away.

“Hold still for me,” Etho instructed. He couldn’t do this properly if Bdubs continued to squirm. 

“I am!” 

“You’re not, though.” 

Bdubs huffed through his nose, then promptly stopped his fidgeting. 

“Thank you,” Etho hummed softly. He swiped his thumb over Bdubs’ skin, and realized he was just stalling. He knew why; Bdubs was human, and he wasn’t. As much research as he’d done couldn’t equal natural ability – instinct. No matter how hard he tried, he could never quite understand fully. 

But this could be the first step to trying, and he knew trying was better than nothing. He couldn’t mess this up; he had to take it slow. 

Unluckily for him, Bdubs happened to be one of the most impatient people on earth. 

“Is this the theory? Are you reading my mind or something? I didn’t give you permission to read my mind – you don’t wanna know what goes on in there!” he rambled. “Not that it’s anything bad, I just don’t think you could handle it. Bdubs’ mind is powerful, you know.” 

Etho laughed. 

“Shhh. I’m sure it is, but you know I can’t read minds. We’ve been over this before.” 

“I know, but you could be lyin’ to me! You’ve done it before-” 

“Not on purpose.” 

“-and you wouldn’t hesitate to do it again!” 

Etho was quickly realizing that if he wanted Bdubs to be quiet, he’d have to make him. He leaned in closer, their faces inches apart. He used his free hand to pull down his mask. 

“Bdubs.” 

He watched the other’s mouth stop before he said another word, shutting for a moment before he spoke. 

“What? What is it? Do I have something on my face?” 

Etho was quiet for a moment, then remembered something he’d found in his research. Perfect. He smirked. 

“You don’t, and that’s the problem.” 

He closed the distance between their lips finally, ignoring the warning flashing at the edge of his vision. He could hear the thirium rushing through his body; he could almost feel Bdubs’ lips against his. Almost. 

Their kiss was short, though, because Bdubs quickly shoved him away to an arm’s length, hands grabbing Etho’s shoulders in what could only be bewilderment. His eyes were wide, his mouth was open, and his face was flushed bright red. 

“What the hell are you doing?! Why- What-” he stumbled over his words, barely able to form a sentence. “You’re- You just kissed me! Why?! Why would you do that?!” 

Etho blinked. He drew his hand back. 

“Is that… Is kissing not, okay? I thought-” 

“I don’t care what you thought! Why would you do that?! You’re- You’re-” Bdubs stuttered, hands not leaving Etho’s shoulders. Etho dreaded the words he was stuck on, his chest aching already. He wished it was just his thirium pump acting up. 

“I’m… not human. I know.” He finished the sentence for him, eyes cast to the ground. “I read that it’s something you do when you want to show affection for someone. I can’t really, you know, do that in the way I would, uh, as an android, with you.” He looked up again, putting a hand over Bdubs’ as he met his eyes. “I overstepped, I’m sorry.” 

Bdubs just stared at him, blank-faced. Etho searched his features, trying to find any hint that his apology had been accepted, but Bdubs only blinked. 

Then, he laughed. 

“Whaat? What are you talking about?” He dropped his hands from Etho’s shoulders. “I’m not mad! I just- I don’t get where all this is comin’ from! I mean, first off, it’s weird kissin’ you- Not in a bad way! Just- I don’t think you were made for that. Your lips are all weird and rubbery and-” 

Etho sighed in relief, hanging his head. He put a hand on Bdubs’ shoulder, balancing himself as he laughed loud. Bdubs stopped rambling and frowned. 

“What? What’s so funny? Why are you laughing?”

Etho just shook his head, chuckling. 

“I’m just so relieved!" he gasped, though he didn't even need the air. "I thought you hated me for a second!" 

"I couldn't hate you! If I hated you, you would'a been gone a long time ago, I'll tell you that much." He turned his nose up, then gave Etho a quizzical look. "I just don't get it. You can't even feel any of- well, that! Why kiss me if you're gettin' nothing outta it? It doesn't make any sense!" 

Etho's laughter died off, but he let his hand linger on Bdubs' shoulder. He processed the question for a moment, then looked the other in his eyes again.

"I do feel it, though. I'm not supposed to, but I do." 

Bdubs rose an eyebrow. He stepped just a pace closer. 

"Really? How?" He tilted his head just a few degrees to the right, the action catching Etho's eyes easily. He stared for a moment, fondness warming a smile on his face, before he answered. 

"This." He pointed to the damage on the left of his face, touching the part closest to his lips. "It's not a lot, but since I never got it repaired, I have touch sensations here." 

Bdubs nodded, hand on his chin as he hummed and thought for a moment. Etho dropped his hand from his shoulder. 

"Really? So…" He stepped closer. Etho took the cue, leaning down so they were eye level. "So if I kissed you here, you'd feel it more?"

He put a hand up, just brushing the damaged area. Etho felt it, the warmth of Bdubs' skin flooding his face. 

It was… different. Not weird. Just different. 

"Yes," he breathed, afraid to move too much.

A warning flashed, "Thirium Pump Irregularity Detected." 

Shut up. 

Bdubs grinned. His hand pulled Etho's face in closer. Their lips brushed. 

"I don't need 'verbal confirmation' for this, do I?" 

Etho smiled, "No, you don't."

[the-bau-quinjet]

One Misunderstanding

Bucky x Reader

Summary: You struggle to fix Bucky's first impression of you. Bucky struggles with his own feelings.

Warnings: angst, Hydra things- like brainwashing and torture, a few curse words, panic attacks, anxiety

Word count: 5609

a/n: this idea came to me very suddenly, but I'm in love with it. Hopefully whatever I just wrote does it justice.

Masterlist

"Everyone, meet Y/N. She's the newest member of our little group, bringing in a whole new level of hacking and tech skills. Y/N, meet the team." Tony introduced you to everyone, eager to share your skills.

You turned to the group, getting ready to introduce yourself further, but instead tripped. You shrieked as you fell down the small set of stairs you were at the top of.

Sam, being the closest, caught you. "Good thing you've got tech skills." He chuckled as you righted yourself, firmly planting your feet on the ground.

"Haha, yeah. I'm not a big fan of violence." You winced as you said it, wishing you could take it back. You didn't want to get into the reasons as to why you don't like violence.

To your surprise, nobody asked why. You would have guessed they would have questions, but maybe they weren't interested in your past. They all had their own issues to deal with afterall.

"Eh, we don't need anymore people for fighting anyway. Welcome to the team." Steve greeted you warmly, as you would have expected from America's golden boy.

You gratefully shook his hand, glad to not have to talk about anything yet. Unfortunately, you tripped again when you tried to move back, falling into the one and only Bucky Barnes.

His hands steadied you, dryly laughing at your clumsiness. "You really are clumsy."

You did you best to not show how embarrassed you were. You couldn't deny the claim. Unless you were fighting, something you vowed to yourself to never do again, you were clumsy.

Being abducted and tortured by Hydra may have made you a competent fighter, but your aptitude for tripping over nothing never left.

"Right, sorry!" You greeted everyone else quickly, eager to get situated in your room. "I'm just going to unpack everything." You waved as you backed out of the room, bumping into the wall as you left.

-

You had just finished putting away your stuff when you heard a knock on your door.

"Come in!" You figured someone would have questions for you.

Unsurprisingly, Natasha was the one to step into your room. Of everyone there, you expected her to have learned about your past. It comes with the territory of being a spy.

"Hi, I was hoping to talk to you." Her tone was friendly, but clearly she was skeptical of you. Again, you weren't surprised.

"I thought you might. I'm assuming you read my file? Honestly, I thought everyone would." You laughed gently, shaking your head at yourself.

"I did. Your file is pretty bare bones though. I did some extra digging... Not everyone else is as nosy as me." She grinned, already pleased with your openness. "So, why'd you pretend to be clumsy?"

"Oh, it wasn't pretend. I've always been clumsy. When everything happened, and I learned how to fight, I thought my newfound agility would help. Turns out, it didn't. The only times I'm even the slightest bit coordinated are when I'm fighting or training, but I wasn't lying about that either. When I escaped, I promised myself I wouldn't hurt anyone else."

"Why join the Avengers at all then?" She looked curious, still unsure if she could trust you.

"I wanted to help people. I just didn't want to use the skills they gave me to do it. So, I learned how to code, figured I could help behind the scenes."

She smiled, letting down her guard. Clearly it would take some time, but you could easily see the two of you being close friends.

"So, nobody knows about what you went through?" She couldn't help but be curious about your past.

"Nope. I don't talk about it much, but it's not a secret. I'll answer anything you want to know." You smiled, eager to try and make a real friend here.

You spent the next few hours answering every question Natasha could think of. You told her about being abducted and experimented on.

That lead to even more questions, basically boiling down to the fact that you're not a super soldier, but you do have enhanced senses- and seemingly enhanced clumsiness for when you're not using them.

You told her about learning how to fight, and the punishments you would endure if you got it wrong. The two of you bonded over the shared experience.

Finally, you told her about how you escaped. When the Winter Soldier escaped, every Hydra effort possible was made to find him. That included you. Resources were spread thin, trying to cover more areas. It was the perfect opportunity for you to get out.

"Really, I owe my freedom to him. Even if he doesn't know anything about me." You felt the tears in your eyes, too many emotions swirling through you to keep it all in anymore. "Since then, I've learned everything I could about technology and coding, which pretty much brings you up to date."

Before she could ask anymore questions, there was another knock on your door. Quickly wiping the tears from your eyes, you called another "come in!"

Steve poked his head in the door, cautiously looking between you and Nat.

"I've been sent to stop the interrogation." He grinned, stepping farther into the room.

Nat rose from her spot on the bed, kissing him on the cheek while rolling her eyes. "It wasn't an interrogation. We were bonding."

"Yeah, over what?" He chuckled, trying to figure out what the two of you had in common.

Maybe it was the look in your eyes, or maybe Nat just likes knowing more than everyone, but she smiled conspiratorially at you before responding. "Girl stuff, babe. Just girl stuff."

You smiled as the couple left the room, grateful for not having to explain everything again.

-

Over the next few weeks, the team constantly teased you for your clumsiness. Well, not the whole team. Nat knew the truth, so she never said anything. Peter never teased you either, although that is likely due to the teasing he endures as well.

Weirdly enough, you bonded with the kid over it, eventually telling him about your past as well.

Normally you could shake it off. They clearly didn't mean anything by it. Except Bucky.

Whenever he said anything, he stared you down. His eyes felt like they were piercing your soul. You're not sure exactly why, but he didn't seem to like you much.

Which wouldn't be an issue if you didn't have an embarrassing crush on the man.

Really your infatuation started when you first escaped Hydra. His own escape lead to your freedom, so you admired him. When you found out he was working with the Avengers to help people, you admired him even more.

Watching him on missions is really what caused the infatuation to blossom into a full blown crush.

You, however, would adamantly deny that if anyone ever asked. Which is what just happened.

"What?!" You nearly tripped, again, with how quickly you turned to look at Wanda and Nat.

"You heard me." Nat stared at you, a neutral expression on her face. "When are you going to do something about your crush on Barnes."

"I, I don't- I don't have a crush on Bucky." You stuttered, a lackluster job at denying the truth.

"Please, Y/N. It's so obvious!" Wanda joined in.

The three of you hung out a lot around the compound. It was nice to have a support system to lean on when things got hard.

"Well, even if I did, which I'm not saying I do! He doesn't like me. I don't know what I did, but his eyes feel like daggers whenever we're in the same room." You started out strong, but quickly morphed into a sad resignation. It genuinely upset you that Bucky didn't like you.

"I think I might know what that's about..." Wanda bit her lip, immediately feeling guilty at having said anything.

"What!?" You eagerly turned to her, needing answers. You shuffled your way across the room, never fully rising from your seat on the ground.

"I don't know if I should tell you! I'm not even supposed to know, but sometimes his thoughts are really loud!" Her guilt multiplied.

"You have to tell me now! Then I can fix it!" You were practically begging at her feet from your position on the floor.

She looked at Nat, who just shrugged in return. "Not my place, although I would love to hear it."

"Ugh, fine. But you can't tell anyone I told you!" Wanda glared at the two of you, unable to say no to your pouting face. "The first day we all met you, do you remember what you said?"

Your face scrunched as you tried to remember. "I'm not a big fan of violence?"

She nodded, looking at you as if she just told you everything.

"So?" You asked incredulously, unable to follow her train of thought.

She rolled her eyes, having to spell it out for you. "He kind of took that personally..."

Immediately, you sunk completely to the floor. "Oh, god. Fuck! That's not what I meant at all! I just meant I don't personally like using violence! Shit, shit, shit." You continued to mutter to yourself as Nat and Wanda shared a look.

"Why don't you like using violence?" Wanda asked, intrigued by your reaction.

You thought back to your conversation with Nat the first day you got here. You told her it wasn't a secret, it just wasn't something you brought up.

"Can you just look in my head? I don't really wanna explain it, but I want you to know." You asked, glad to share you past with another friend.

Wanda nodded, seemingly doing nothing until realization dawned on her.

"Oh shit." She whispered, not even realizing she said it out loud.

"Yeah." You huffed out a dry laugh.

"Y/N... I'm so sorry." You smiled at her, having worked through most of the trauma already. "You totally have a crush on Barnes though."

That earned a real laugh. "Hey, that's not what you were in there for!"

"It's not my fault! You were thinking it really loudly!"

The three of you laughed together until you sunk back into a pit of despair.

"What do I do? How do I fix this?" You whined, laying back on the ground like a child.

"I think you just need to talk to him. Explain what you meant." Wanda shrugged, unsure of any other advice to offer you.

"She's right. Just talk to him." Nat nodded along as you whined on the floor.

-

After a few days, you finally worked up enough courage to try and talk to Bucky. He had just finished training, so you knew exactly where he'd be: in the kitchen.

Walking in, you were glad to see him pulling ingredients from the fridge.

"Hey Bucky, can I, um, talk to you for a minute?" You stuttered through the words, nervous about what he would say.

He barely looked at you, nodding his head for you to continue.

"I just, I wanted to apologize." You trailed off when his head snapped up.

"For what?" Well shit. How are you supposed to explain this one without ratting out Wanda.

"Oh, well, um... I just thought maybe I said- I did something that upset you. Uh, you just don't seem to like me very much, which is totally cool, you don't have to like me if you don't want to. I just didn't want it to be my fault... Fuck." That went horribly. Taking a deep breath, you started over. "I didn't mean it."

Bucky is looking at you like you have three heads. "Didn't mean what?"

"That I don't like violence."

"So you do... like violence." He'd somehow grown more confused.

"Well, no." You paused, unsure of how to explain yourself.

"Then you did mean it." His soul piercing stare is back.

"I-"

"It's fine, save it. Some people get to choose not to be violent." And with that, he left the kitchen, abandoning his post workout smoothie.

You stared at the doorway, in shock over how poorly that went. You stood there , unaware of the 25 minutes that had passed, trying to figure out how it could've gone better when Steve found you.

"Y/N? What are you doing?"

You didn't hear him, too lost in the memories. Memories of Hydra, forcing you to do things you never wanted to. This happened from time to time if something triggered you into remembering, otherwise you had a handle on your emotions.

"Y/N?" Steve said your name again, concern evident in his voice. He gently laid a hand on your shoulder, trying to get your attention.

Everything happened so fast after that. The feeling of someone's hand on your shoulder caused you to panic. With all the memories of Hydra in your head, your training kicked in instinctually.

You grabbed Steve's arm, pulling him closer to you for better leverage. Before he could question your moves, you flipped him, pinning him to the ground.

The second you made eye contact, you realized what just happened. Horror and regret flashed in your eyes.

In an effort to get off him, you threw yourself backward, knocking into a cart full of pots and pans. The clanging of metal hitting the ground echoed through the small room.

Steve sat up slowly, trying to register the turn of events. You sat in a ball on the floor, tears pooling in your eyes, mumbling apologies over and over again.

Sam, having heard the commotion from the pots and pans, ran into the kitchen ready to fight.

"What- What happened?" He asked in confusion, lowering his arms from their defensive position.

"I don't know." Steve looked at you, still trying to figure it out.

"Y/N?" Sam's voice was gentle, but it still startled you.

You jumped from the ground, rushing to help Steve get up. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to. I never wanted to hurt anyone again." Your breathing was picking up, short bursts of air leaving your lungs. Your hands were shaking as you pulled him from the ground.

Your panic increased as you took in their concerned expressions.

"Hey, look at me." Steve's Captain voice, came out, urging you to make eye contact. You followed orders, breathing rapidly, your whole body shaking.

"I'm going to touch you now, is that okay?" His words were gentle, but commanding, causing you to nod in response.

He pulled you into a tight hug, rubbing soothing circles on your back.

You wanted to explain, to tell them what happened, but all that came out was a pitiful "Bucky".

"Do you want me to get Bucky?" Sam asked, trying to understand you.

The idea of Bucky coming back caused your panic to increase. You shook your head rapidly, "No! No no no no no." You kept repeating the word, shaking in Steve's arms.

"Okay! Okay, no Bucky." Sam reassured you, voice calm and soothing.

You’re not sure how long you stood like that. Sam moved around the kitchen, cleaning up the pots and pans you had knocked over.

When your breathing steadied, Steve asked, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

You nodded, leading the two men to the couch in the adjacent common area. You sat for a minute, unsure of where to start.

"Why don't you just lead us through it all?" Steve suggested, still rubbing your back.

You nodded, grateful for the starting point. "I went to the kitchen to apologize to Bucky."

"What for?" Sam interrupted, already confused.

"Sam! Just let her talk." Steve muttered, slightly annoyed.

"Sorry!" He glared back at Steve before turning to you, "Sorry, please continue."

You couldn't help but laugh at their banter.

"Right, I wanted to apologize for what I said the first day I met you all. I realized how it sounded, so I wanted to try and fix it." You paused, waiting for the recognition to hit them.

It didn't take long. The two men nodded, silently urging you to continue.

"Honestly, Wanda told me that was why he always seems mad at me. You have to know, I never meant for it to come across that way! It's more of a personal, 'I don't want to be violent' than shunning others for doing what's necessary." You took a deep breath, not eager to relive the conversation.

"Anyway, I told him I didn't mean it. I just couldn't explain it right, and he got upset, which makes sense!" You turned to look between them, not wanting them to think you were insulting Bucky in any way. "I don't hold what he did against him. It wasn't his choice, and I completely understand that. I just couldn't put that into words when I was talking to him, and I made everything worse."

Tears popped into your eyes again, upset at what he must be going through. You weren't with Hydra for but a tenth of the time he was, and you didn't endure the same level of brainwashing.

"He said something about some people not being able to choose not to be violent, and then he left. I don't know how long I was standing in the kitchen replaying the conversation, but it brought up bad memories for me." You sighed again, working up the nerve to tell them everything.

"Wanda and Nat already know, but I guess it's your guys's turn. This was so much easier to just have Wanda read my mind." You laughed at your own joke, the two men sharing a concerned look.

"I was taken... by Hydra. They experimented on me, gave me enhanced senses, trained me to fight, and punished me when I did something wrong." Again, tears sprung into your eyes, occasionally falling down your cheeks.

"Why wasn't this in your file?" Steve questioned, more to himself than you.

"I haven't got a clue. I guess nobody knew about me? But, I escaped. They didn't brainwash me like they did Bucky, because I don't have the serum. Or, at least, I think that's why." You shook your head, refocusing on the important parts.

"When every available Hydra agent was tasked with searching for the Winter Soldier, I took it as on opportunity. Their resources were spread thin. I was able to getaway."

You went onto explain your reasoning for joining the Avengers as a tech specialist, trying to convey the same earnestness you did with Nat.

"You can ask Nat or Wanda too. Nat found out day one, Wanda a few days ago." You wiped your tears, hoping they believed you. "Actually, Peter knows too."

"I was stuck in all those memories when you came into the kitchen. I didn't even register that you were in the room, so when you touched me I freaked out. I never meant to hurt you!"

You looked at Steve fearful that he would be upset.

"Y/N, I believe you." You cried tears of relief at his statement, genuinely exhausted from the day. "It's not your fault, and you didn't hurt me. Just caught me off guard. You're surprisingly agile when you want to be." He tried to lighten the mood, glad to hear you laugh.

"Well, I train in the middle of the night sometimes. I- I want to be able to get out if I'm ever forced back there." Your voice was quiet, admitting a secret you hadn't even told Nat.

"We won't let that happen." The sternness of Sam's voice surprised you.

"Thank you." You wiped your tears a final time, looking between the two men. "Now, what do I do about Bucky?" You refocused your energy on fixing your relationship with the super soldier.

"He never would have said what he said if he had known." Steve started the conversation, defending his friend.

"I know. I don't hold it against him, I just wish I could explain. I get so nervous when he looks at me like that." You rambled, too tired to filter your thoughts.

"Like what?" Sam asked, eager for more information to tease Bucky with.

"Huh? Oh, I don't know. Like he can see into my soul." You deadpanned, earning a laugh from both men. "I just want him to like me." You nearly whined, upset by your poor relationship.

"Like you, huh?" Steve grinned. Nat and Wanda chose that exact moment to walk into the room, eagerly joining the conversation.

"Barnes? Did you tell him how you feel?" Wanda squealed with excitement.

You buried your head in your hands, avoiding the knowing looks the four of them were surely sharing. "Not exactly." You gestured to your head, hoping Wanda would figure it out and share with Nat.

"Ooh... It didn't go well, basically Barnes got upset, Y/N flipped Steve and had a panic attack, then told these two everything." Wanda explained to Nat quickly, trying not to make you relive it.

"We need a plan." Nat declared.

"No, I just need to learn how to have a conversation with the man." You rolled your eyes at yourself. "I'll try talking to him again." You went to leave the room, turning around to glare at them. "And none of you can say a word of this to Bucky."

-

Despite you request, Steve still tried to talk to Bucky.

"What's up with you?" Steve questioned, trying to subtly pry into Bucky's thoughts.

"Nothing. Why?" Bucky answered in a questioning tone, trying to figure out Steve's motives.

"I heard you talked to Y/N is all. How'd it go?" He gave up on the subtle approach pretty quickly, knowing Bucky wouldn't answer a question that wasn't asked.

"How did you even hear that, punk?" Bucky deflected.

"Not the point. Answer the question."

"Not great. I messed it up." Bucky sighed, annoyed at himself for barging out of the room. "She said wanted to apologize, that she didn't mean what she said." He ran his hands through his hair, struggling to explain where it all went wrong.

"Would've been fine if I could follow what she was saying. She was rambling about me not liking her, which you and I both know isn't true. Ugh, i've never been mad at her. I'm mad at myself! At Hydra for making me a monster! How could she ever like me if she doesn't like violence? My entire past is violent." He huffed, having worked himself up again.

"You're not a monster, Buck." Steve started gently.

"I know you think that." Steve gave him a pointed glare. "I know, okay? But what does she think?"

"Maybe you should try talking to her. You might be surprised by what you learn." Steve clapped him on the shoulder, trying to reassure him, before leaving the room.

-

Everytime you tried to talk to Bucky, something got in the way. The first time, he was called in for an emergency mission before you even got the word hello out.

The second time, Tony walked into the common area, completely oblivious to the tension, and put on a movie.

The third time, Steve and Nat interrupted you. You were just about to apologize again after an awkward greeting when the elevator doors opened. The sounds of the cheerful laughter and stolen kisses didn't really set the mood for confessing your past with Hydra.

The fourth, and final time, was the most embarrassing.

You walked into the room on a mission. You were going to talk to him, no matter who decided to walk in.

"Bucky, I really need to-" and you tripped on a toy Morgan left out, causing you to tumble to the ground. That would have been embarrassing enough, but there's more.

In your effort to get up, you tripped again, hitting your head on the coffee table, causing you to bleed profusely.

"Shit." You cursed yourself, holding your hand up to your bleeding forehead.

"Are you okay?" Bucky rushed to you from the other side of the table, concerned with the amount of blood spewing from your head.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Unfortunately, you chose that moment to jokingly reference your past.

Some of the people who tortured you had a sick sense of humor. Whenever they would hit you hard enough to make you bleed, they said something about only having one head. A play on words because of the greek serpent with multiple heads.

"Head wounds bleed a lot, I'm lucky I only have one." You froze instantly, unsure if he would have had a similar experience. Slowly, you looked up in an effort to make eye contact.

Bucky was also frozen in place. Clearly he understood the reference.

"Wh- where did you hear that?" Bucky struggled with his sentence, trying not to flashback to his time at Hydra.

"Oh my god. I'm so so sorry." You instantly started apologizing, trying to backtrack. "I really need to learn when to stop fucking talking." You said more to yourself than him.

"Where did you hear it?" He asked again, putting more power behind his words.

"Um, well, i've been trying to tell you for weeks now, but um, I also kind of, have, um, well, you see-"

"Just spit it out." There was the slightly miffed Bucky you were used to.

"I was taken. By Hydra. 9 years ago. Um, they forced me to learn how to fight. Tortured me if I did anything wrong. Forced me to do things..." You trailed off, realizing you didn't need to give him many details. He has first hand experience.

"Y/N, I-" You cut him off before he could say anything else.

"That's why I don't like using violence. I only know how to do that stuff because they made me learn it. I didn't want to use the skills they gave me." You took a deep, grounding breath.

"I don't blame you for anything you were forced to do. It wasn't your choice. You're not a violent person, and your past actions don't define who you are. You're here to help people. That's what you chose. That's who you are."

You made eye contact before you continued. "I've actually wanted to thank you for the longest time."

"For what?" He was incredulous, wildly caught off guard by everything you've said.

"The only reason I had an opportunity to escape was because 2 years ago, you escaped. If Hydra's resources hadn't been spread so thin trying to find you, I probably would've never got out. So thank you. For being strong enough to fight back."

You smiled at him, still unsure of how he was feeling.

"I... I'm so sorry." To say you were stunned was an understatement. What the hell could he have to be sorry about? Sure he was a little rude, but from your point of view he was completely justified in hating you.

"Bucky, you have no reason to be sorry. You didn't know, and I couldn't get out of my head enough to tell you. You just make me nervous." You clapped a hand over your mouth, shocked at having said what you just said.

You could see his face fall ever so slightly, causing you to jump back into your explanation.

"Not because I'm scared of you or anything! Hell, I could probably take you in a fight." You winked, trying to lighten the mood. It seemed to work, judging by the slight smirk on his face.

"I just, I've looked up to you for so long. Your determination to do good after everything you've been through is really inspiring. It's actually why I wanted to join the Avengers in the first place. I never would have-" You would have kept rambling if he hadn't stopped you.

"Y/N, I am sorry, and I do have reason to be. There's no excuse for what I said to you in the kitchen that day. Even if I didn't know, I threw everything you've been through back in your face. If someone had done that to me, I probably would have had a panic attack." He tried joking, but by the way you froze he could tell he struck a nerve.

"You had a panic attack? I'm so sorry! God, I just left you all alone and-"

It was your turn to cut him off. "Actually, I was kind of frozen in place until Steve touched me and I maybe threw him to the ground... Then I had a panic attack..." You smiled, trying to convey the joke. "So, I wasn't alone. Sam was actually also there. If anything, it made me better friends with both of them because I told them everything. So I have you to thank for that to." You playfully nudged his side.

He ran his hands through his hair, then down his face, clearly trying to deal with his own guilt.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up about it. You didn't know. It happened. We're good now, so we can move on." You smiled, trying to cheer him up.

"How are you so relaxed about all of this? You were tortured for years... I..." He was genuinely curious, trying to find a way to cope with his own pain.

"Well, even before that I always thought therapy could be helpful for me, so I really jumped in full force when I was free. Plus, if you can't joke about something, you haven't really moved on. Some days are harder than others, but I just try to appreciate the people I have now and the good experiences I've been lead to." You kept the tone light, trying not to get too emotional.

He just stared at you for a few minutes, making you questions everything.

"I mean, it's totally different for you though! I was only there for 7 years, you were forced into all that for like 10 times as long. I didn't mean to belittle-"

"I think you inspire me just as much as you say I've inspired you." He cut you off again, a small smile growing on your lips.

"Well, in the spirit of our newfound friendship, can I be totally honest?" You bit your lip, nervous about telling him the truth.

He looked nervous as well, but nodded anyway.

"I kind of, maybe, sort of have a crush on you." You watched his expression carefully, although there was really no need. His face easily gave away his surprise.

"You..." He stuttered, moving his fingers between the two of you. "Me? But, I was so mean!"

"What can I say, I saw through the facade... Well, really Wanda accidentally read your mind and told me why you were so upset around me when her and Nat teamed up to get me to tell you how I feel." You rambled again, realization dawning that you accidentally outed Wanda.

"But you can't tell her I told you that! She didn't mean to! She just said you think really loud sometimes and it's hard not to hear it! She did it to me too actually, I mean I told her she could look in my head so I wouldn't have to explain everything again, I know so lazy, and that's how she confirmed my crush on you." You said it all with wide eyes at a rapid speed, unable to control yourself around Bucky.

You slapped your hands over your mouth, forcing yourself to stop talking. Bucky looked on in amusement, slowly reaching to pull your hands away from your face.

"I won't tell her, if you get dinner with me tonight." He smiled cheekily, relishing in your blush.

"That's a deal I'm willing to make." You reached your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek before running to get ready.

***

Bonus:

Sam whined playfully as he looked at the high scores. "Whose username is 'God is a spoon' and how did they get so good at this game?"

He looked around the room, eying any suspicious candidates. Everyone denied it, throwing out accusations left and right.

It was another of Tony's team bonding nights and he chose VR games on the oculus. Obviously, Beat Saber was a top contender amongst the group.

You walked in with Bucky, unaware of the conversation going on, but immediately joining it.

"Peter! I bet it was him!" You playfully nudged the younger Avenger, having formed a close friendship in the early days. "What am I betting on?" Everyone laughed, happy to see you in a good mood after being so stressed for so long.

"Whose username is 'God is a spoon'." Sam chuckled after filling you in. You and Bucky settled on the couch, cuddling next to each other.

"Oh, that's me. Why?" You looked around curiously, trying to figure out what they wanted. "Is it a weird username? It was actually one of the catchphrase things in Just Dance on the switch, I didn't just think of it." You tried to justify yourself, causing more laughter.

"You?! How did you get all the highscores on this game? I thought you were the clumsy one."

You made an exaggerated face to show how offended you were, playfully swatting at Sam.

"I'll have you know, 7 years of Hydra 'training' and experimentation has its perks." You joked with the room. "One of them being I can beat your ass at pretty much any video game."

"Oh, you're so on." Sam smiled, glad he could joke around with you about it.

Meanwhile, Tony looked incredulously around the room, being the only one in the room who hadn't heard about your history, he was rightfully confused.

"I'm sorry, 7 years of WHAT?"

[nanowrimo]

Preparing Before NaNoWriMo

We only have a few more weeks before NaNoWriMo comes knocking at our doors, asking for our utmost dedication and creativity for the 50,000 word count. NaNo guest Sydney Salter encourages us to prepare and plan accordingly on what we want to do with our novels when we finish. 

I’ve pushed myself to the 50,000-word finish line for six NaNoWriMo novels—My Big Nose And Other Natural Disasters and Swoon At Your Own Risk eventually got published. I polished the other manuscripts into market-ready shape, should the market ever be ready for a YA mummy romcom. I had fun writing those unsold stories and learned a lot. No regrets. I told stories that I wanted to tell. 

It’s that sixth manuscript. I wrote 50,003 words and never opened the manuscript again. It’s still on my computer file with a 2012 date stamp. 

That’s the novel I wrote by the seat of my pants. I dove into the story with a big voice and a vague notion of where it might go. And I struggled. One day I padded my word count with the character’s grocery list. She needed A LOT of stuff at the store! Ugh. The plot, characters, setting—all of it is a big fat mess.

Not that a mess is a bad thing for a NaNo novel. To reach that 50,000 words in 30 days, you can’t go back and fix stuff. That’s one of the best parts of fast writing. You push yourself through some rough patches, making notes about stuff to fix later. 

The problem occurs when you make such a mess that the thought of rewriting everything makes you want to do anything else—like scrub your bathroom, or something. The other sad fact is that 50,000 words usually leaves you in the perilous middle of a full-length novel. After November you have to find the excitement to write thousands and thousands of words to get to that magic phrase: The End. 

My 2012 NaNo experience was so bad that I waited seven years before trying again. I wrote slowly for years. I missed out on creating that fast draft that exists to be revised into something shiny and good. Writing slowly gets the job done, eventually. But slowly.

We’re not here to write slow. We’re here to get a big chunk of a novel written! 

A little preparation can go a long way to making November a fun and productive writing month. Right now I’m thinking about my main character. His sidekick. His enemies. I’m thinking about what he thinks he wants versus what he needs. I'm jotting down ideas for great scenes. I plan to create a loose outline. I know that magic happens during the writing process, so I won’t be rigid about my planned scenes, but if I’m ever feeling lost, I’ll have something to write about. You know, besides groceries. 

I’m not going to do it alone, either. I’ll look to all the great info here at NaNoWriMo and I’ll pick a writing craft book to accompany me through this first draft. So many writing exercises have turned into really great scenes in my stories. 

Every NaNo is different just like every story is different. But I do know that taking some time to prepare can leave you in a better place when you hit that delicious 50,000 word mark. You want to write something that you are excited to finish and revise. Let’s get ready to write some great stories!  

Sydney Salter’s novels include My Big Nose And Other Natural Disasters, Jungle Crossing, and Swoon At Your Own Risk. Sydney lives in Utah with her husband and assorted dogs and cats. Her proudest NaNoWriMo moment: baking six pies AND writing 1,667 words on Thanksgiving Day. You can visit her website and find her on Instagram: @sydney_salter  

Top Photo by Kyle Glenn on Unsplash  

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (March 5/2021) -      Ponk’s Warning

Foolish has another encounter with Ponk, who attempts to persuade him to the Egg’s side. Ponk gives Foolish a time: five days. Foolish needs to prepare.

Tubbo, Ranboo, Fundy and Phil, meanwhile, get into the usual family drama, especially concerning Michael.

---

VOD LINKS:

Ponk

Foolish

Tubbo

Philza

Fundy

Ranboo

Captain Puffy

---

- Ponk is in the Egg Room. He laments that everything has been taken from him. His cat, already dead, taken by Puffy. Sam? All he cares about his money and getting good at chess apparently.

- At least he has Starbucks...and the Egg. He says he’s warming up to it.

- Maybe he should’ve killed Fran, sacrificed her to the Egg?

- Ponk speaks with Foolish, makes many wooden shovels, and eventually starts dropping TNT on him, asking for Netherite.

- Ponk declares war on Foolish. Blood, tears, and explosions, in that order. He gets out the Master Oogway music.

Ponk: “When the cherry blossoms fall from the tree, you know the time has come, alright? Foolish, your land will ascend into beauty by the power of the Vines! Foolish, embrace it! Embrace it, it makes you feel good!”

“Foolish, look...listen to me, okay? When I had nothing, when I was at my lowest, I thought I could turn to my friends. But I realized that...friends? They let you down, okay? They will turn their back on you when your time of need is there, when it was most important for you, when you were at your most vulnerable.”

“Foolish...this isn’t about me. This is about how great the Egg is, okay? Look, Foolish...Blood and fire! Blood and fire, okay? I’ve warned you.”

Foolish: “I’ll find a way to help you.”

Ponk: “The Egg? It made me see the lighter side of life. When you join the Egg, everyone is the same! You don’t have to be careful about what people think about you, because all you think about is the Egg! So Foolish...join us or be taken from us, Foolish. I’m giving you options. I’m hurt, I’m hurt, okay?”

Foolish: “Look, I’m sorry, but I can’t be with you on this one.”

...

(Ponk switches the music)

...

Ponk: “Foolish...I am giving you five days! Five days, Foolish!”

- Ponk laughs with the voice of the Egg. 

“Foolish...Foolish!”

Foolish: “Am I talking to Ponk or someone else right now?”

“We know where you live!”

- Ponk’s voice goes back to normal. He asks for the trident. They bicker a bit, but the warning goes back to five days: the 10th of March.

- Foolish leaves.

- Back at the Temple of Undying, Foolish clears off the Blood Vines from his statue.

Foolish: “Ponk did warn me earlier...and it seems like Ponk has lost a bit more of himself. He’s aligning more and more with the Egg, which is a sad thing to see. But he said five days -- five days from now, they’ll come for me.”

- Foolish plans to prepare, perhaps adding more wards, guards, maybe even a more powerful statue. One that could touch the clouds.

Foolish: “I still have tricks up my sleeve...but that being said, the Egg might also still have tricks up their sleeve, and maybe it’s a game of chess now."

- Maybe he could raise an army.

- He burns the shreds in the blue soul fire. Five days to prepare, and make ready for whatever will happen.

- Tubbo and Ranboo create a room for Michael in Tubbo’s attic.

- They go down to the Egg Room bunker. Tubbo asks Ranboo for an Egg update.

- Tubbo asks if they should break it. Ranboo explains that the Egg damages you.

- Tubbo is about to break open the Egg to see what’s inside but is stopped when he finds out that Tommy is trying to ratio Obama.

- Tubbo finds out that the Egg hurts you by breaking blocks himself.

- They leave the bunker and finish the room.

- Fundy goes to the Arctic with plans to make a slowly expanding dirt shack.

- Ranboo and Phil catch him. He says he came there because he misses them.

- Phil gets mad at Fundy about the Butcher Army.

- Phil is a Ranboo apologist

- Tubbo goes “whee” and whales on Fundy with an axe to quench his thirst for blood.

- Tubbo gets Fundy to climb a tall tower of scaffolding with the task to jump into a block of water to gain a quarter of his stuff back each time as Tubbo, Ranboo and Phil shoot at him with arrows. 

Fundy asks why Tubbo must play such cruel games to get his stuff back. Tubbo says he’s bored, and it’s for his own sick enjoyment.

Ranboo: “Is this what hunting is?”

Tubbo: “Yeah, people go hunting for foxes, except they have horses.”

- They consider showing Fundy Michael.

- Hannah’s house has been covered in Blood Vines.

- Phil scolds Fundy again, but says he’ll deal with Tubbo later.

- Phil’s only biological son is Wilbur, everyone else just calls him “dad.”

- They show Fundy Michael in Snowchester.

- Tubbo says he’s wearing Dream’s armor. Phil throws him a Manberg shield, saying he “might as well complete the set.”

- Fundy asks if they’ve told Techno yet. Ranboo realizes oh, that’s not going to go over well...

- Fundy and Phil criticize Tubbo and Ranboo’s parenting techniques.

Ranboo: “Fundy, remind me again what experience you have with parents?”

- Tubbo kills Fundy and Fundy threatens to kill Michael if they don’t give back his stuff.

- Fundy notices his armor is missing from the chest. Phil was keeping it to see if Fundy would kill Michael. Phil gives Fundy’s armor back but Fundy notices Phil kept Shclatt.

- A snow fox drowns by accident and Phil gives Fundy back his sword as he goes to leave. Why does everything around him die?

- As Fundy leaves, he sets off a creeper.

Phil: “Runs in the family.”

Fundy: “FAMILY -- YOU ACKNOWLEDGED THAT I’M PART OF THE F-- WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?”

Phil: “Shiiiiit -- nothing, you didn’t do anything wrong!”

Fundy: “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?”

Fundy: “Philll! I love you grandpa!”

Phil: “Ugh, Jesus.”

- After Phil logs off, Fundy goes back to the Arctic to resume his plan.

---

Upcoming Events:

- Quackity’s business opening

- Technoblade’s lore stream

- Puffy’s lore streams (Origin story Sunday)

- March 10th

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Canary, Part 1

It was a good day. Why did stuff always have to go wrong on ‘good days’, Marinette thought bitterly as she rushed through the city, the rough edges of her phone digging into her palm. The message she’d been sent was burned into her eyelids.

She pushed the spiraling thoughts from her mind as she stared at the street sign nearest her. Only a minute and she’d be there and her fears would be either confirmed or denied.

She leaned against the wall to gather her thoughts. If she had messed up it had to have been today because, otherwise, he would have done something earlier. Did she mess up? She allowed her eyes to flutter closed as she thought back.

~

She’d woken up on an uncomfortable mattress on the floor and rolled off of it, the sheets sticking to her sweaty skin. It had been a particularly hot day for Gotham and she had been too concentrated on typing up a report for work to turn up the AC before her impromptu nap (translation: she’d passed out).

She rubbed her eyes until she managed to get her brown contacts out and set them in the weird not-quite-water that she had never bothered to learn the name for so her eyes could rest while she took a quick shower and changed.

Then, she’d waited. She sat in the window, eyes barely poking over the sill as she watched the building across the street. She didn’t feel like moving for a long while but, alas, the meeting was supposed to be that day and she was running out of time for that thing with Calendar Man and… yeah. Unfortunately, Marinette had to be productive that day unless she wanted more enemies.

She saw movement and her face lit up. She might get everything done soon, at least, and then she could pass out for a hundred years like she oh-so-desperately wanted to.

She checked that her gloves were firmly in place, pulled on the plague doctor (gas) mask that had accidentally become her trademark, and toed on her boots.

Then, she made her way up to the alleyway next to the building she had been watching. She’d been lucky enough to have a job right next to one of her safe houses and she kinda wished that it would happen again. It was nice to not have to travel a half-hour or more just to listen in on one boring conversation.

She pulled out her knives and, after testing to make sure they were still strong enough to hold her weight, began picking her way up to the roof.

She set everything up for the thing with Calendar Man. It took approximately five seconds. Yay her.

Alright, next thing: listening in on a boring conversation that, if she was lucky, would end in someone getting shot so it wouldn’t last too long. It was going to be even hotter inside the vent and she did not want to end up cooked. That would be embarrassing.

She crawled into the vents and dutifully wrote down everything they said on a notepad. They were negotiating a drug deal and her client wanted to intercept it to try and get both the money and the (… Big D? What the fuck is Big D?) drugs. From the sounds of it, it wasn’t possible but, hey, her job wasn’t anything more than gathering intel. If her clients wanted to die stupidly that was on them.

… maybe she’d kill her client herself, she thought angrily as she readjusted in the vent in hopes of not getting stuck to the metal. It was easy money but wow was it awful.

Or, at least, it was awful until a hand grabbed her by the hood of her leather jacket and started dragging her out. She tipped her head back, grin on her face in seconds.

“Signal. Hi.”

He sighed and pulled her the rest of the way out. She let herself hang from his grip like a reprimanded cat.

“So, what’s up?” She asked brightly, as if hadn’t just caught her listening in on a private conversation.

“Great, thanks for asking,” he said. “Even better now that I’m taking the famed Canary to Arkham.”

“We both know that’s not going to happen.”

He leveled her with a cold look for a few more seconds before splitting into a grin. “Yeah. Probably not. Got a backup plan?”

“Of course.”

“Is it even worth trying?”

“Probably not. But who knows? You could get lucky.”

She waited for a minute as he mulled over the idea in his head before he sighed. “I gotta ask: what’s with the egg?”

She swatted at his hand until he let her down and then led him over to her science experiment. “Know how there’s that expression that says ‘it’s so hot out you could make eggs on the sidewalk’ or something?”

“Yeah…?”

“Well, the pavement physically can’t get hot enough to do that and also we’re up north so: aluminum foil to try and get the process to work a little better.”

He stared at her for a while before snickering. “Need a magnifying glass? We can ‘kid with an anthill’ this.”

“Sure.”

He reached into his tool belt and started looking for his spare. Unfortunately for him, it seemed to be gone.

She could feel his sharp gaze turn on her even if she couldn’t see his eyes behind his helmet. He wasn’t stupid and magnifying glasses don’t usually just disappear into thin air unless they’re Plastic Man in disguise. She held up her hands for a quick search but, when he couldn’t find it on her, he just sighed and looked down at the science experiment. It didn’t seem to be going well. The egg was still distinctly not cooked.

Eventually, he groaned and sat down. The light around him flickered and started to move at his will. Marinette watched intently.

Ten minutes later, they had a cooked egg. They high-fived, delighted. They weren’t going to taste it, obviously, it had been out for a while without supervision and who knows what could have happened to it… but it was an egg! Yay them!

“My old science teacher would be so proud of me,” Marinette joked.

“My current science teacher would be proud of me.”

“Oooooh, going back to school?”

He smiled. “Yep! Robin is finally in college and Red Hood convinced me to go with him. You should, too, it’s actually not that bad.”

“Please. If I was going to do that I’d go back to my home country. American school is expensive and not all of us are sponsored by billionaires.”

“... aren’t you a millionaire?”

She grinned. “Of course. But why would I want to spend that much of my own money?”

He hummed his understanding. Then, she pushed herself up with a groan. “Right, we both have jobs. See you later.”

He hesitated and then held a hand out for her notepad. “Is it bad?”

She held it out of reach with ease. “Nah, just drugs. Unless someone got shot while I was gone but I doubt it. They’d been almost as bored as me last I heard.”

“If it’s nothing then let me see.”

“Ugh, do you really want to fight? It’s too hot for that,” Marinette complained. He started to square up and she, after a second’s thought, added a little something to convince him: “Also, there’s going to be a breakout today so you should really save your energy.”

“... really think I’m going to fall for that?”

There was an explosion in the distance.

“Yeah. I’d hurry. I’m pretty sure it’s Joker’s turn to get out.”

She waved him off with a smile… only for her smile to drop when she remembered her other job. She groaned again and stretched out while she still could.

Tikki floated over the side of the building, a magnifying glass as big as her head in her tiny paws.

Marinette rubbed the kwami’s head. “You’re the best.”

Her kwami sighed. “That I am,” she said.

Marinette grinned and sent the film of Signal using his powers to her computer so she could give it to Calendar Man when it was due.

People were always so predictable in Gotham.

~

She supposed she really had been tempting fate when she’d thought that. Still, that didn’t mean she liked it that Fate had called her bluff.

But, actually, it seemed that Fate was the one that was bluffing. That had been her entire day. She had finished up her work and then went to one of her more stocked safehouses for a nap. She’d woken up to the buzzing of her phone when she’d gotten the message. She didn’t think she had messed up anywhere…

Her shoulders relaxed. She was probably fine. Which meant it was just Oswald Cobblepot being annoying. As usual.

Marinette flung the doors to the Iceberg Lounge open. Every eye in the room fell on her, but she only cared about the eyes of one person.

She stalked through the lounge, pulling one of her twin karambits from its sheath and pointing the curved blade towards him.

“What the fuck do you want? You really think that, after almost seven whole years of rejecting your wrinkly ass, I’m suddenly going to say ‘oh, yeah, I guess I’ll work for him now’? Leave me alone!”

Cobblepot wasn’t concerned even as her knife came to rest under his chin.

“Canary,” he greeted, regarding her cooly through his monocle.

Guards surrounded them. Marinette somehow managed to look unimpressed without anyone being able to see her face.

Everyone present held their breath… except for the two with weapons pointed at themselves. They knew that they would never follow through with it, especially not in a place as public as this. It was little more than a warning, a reminder, that either of them could kill each other at any given moment and chose not to.

For now, at least.

Cobblepot dismissed the guards with a wave of a gloved hand and she, after a few seconds, lowered her knife.

“What do you want?”

“Currently? For you to get off my table,” said Cobblepot.

She snorted but hopped down with ease. “I meant: why did you call me here?”

“... we should go somewhere else to discuss this. I assume you don’t do all of your business meetings in public?”

“Only if I know ahead of time that I’m going to say no,” she said.

He motioned for her to walk with him to a private room and, reluctantly, she followed. He had to think he had something on her, otherwise he wouldn’t have tried calling her there. She was curious.

They came to a room with a metal door and she cringed a little. Fun.

She dropped eight knives down into a tray and Cobblepot put down a gun, a knife, and his umbrella. She let a female goon pat her down and then checked Cobblepot over herself. Nothing she could find, but she was sure he had found some way to hide one somewhere.

They stepped inside as a pair and each took a seat on opposing ends of the wooden table stationed awkwardly in the middle of the room. She leaned back in her chair and propped her feet up.

“So, what’s the job?”

“I’m surprised you’re even going to hear it.”

She shrugged. “I’m curious.”

He nodded slowly before leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table, steepling his fingers in front of his face.

“Power poses don’t actually work, you know, that’s just lies so companies don’t actually have to deal with all the discrimination.”

“Is that true?” He asked.

She shrugged again. “Probably. I’ve never worked for anyone, so…”

He chuckled. She didn’t like that.

But he didn’t say anything on that subject. Instead, he just smiled a smile that looked weird on his face and gave her her mission briefing: “I want you to figure out the bats’ identities for me.”

Marinette stared at him for a minute before breaking out into laughter. She couldn’t seem to stop. She stood up to leave, still giggling. Really? Did he really think that would work? People had asked many times, of course, and the bats’ identities weren’t common knowledge so she had to have said no. Why would she suddenly do it for him? She didn’t even like him.

She rested her hand on the knob but held off on leaving for just a second. She flashed a grin at Cobblepot. “Interesting offer. Bold. But no. Couldn’t pay me enough to do that.”

“Good thing I have no intentions of paying you, Marinette.”

~~~

And behold a new section I call ‘Marinette is a menace to society why would anyone let her on twitter’

(… the name may need a little work)

OliverQueenOfficial: Why does that one Gotham villain go by Canary? Black Canary already exists.

TheBetterCanary: if youre gonna vague tweet maybe dont put my name in it

TheBetterCanary: but anyways someone else named me that and it stuck before i could think of something to change it to

ScareCrane:… @/RiddleMeThis she’s dissing you

RiddleMeThis: LISTEN UP. IT WAS THEMATIC. DON’T ANY OF YOU KNOW ANYTHING OF DRAMA? EVER HEAR ABOUT CANARIES IN COAL MINES? FUCK ALL OF YOU AND YOUR UNCULTURED, UNEDUCATED ASSES. NOT TO MENTION IT WAS MAKING FUN OF THE BIRD THEME ALL THE VIGILANTES HER AGE SEEM TO HAVE. (1/14)

TheBetterCanary: @/ScareCrane why would you do that you knew he was going to do this

ScareCrane: Joker just broke out so Arkham is boring… needed to entertain myself somehow

TheBetterCanary: fuck you im not visiting this weekend

OliverQueenOfficial: Wow do I regret asking. I didn’t need all this family drama in my comments.

~~~~~

Next

Perma taglist: @nathleigh @peachmuses

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Interviews - Henry Cavill x wife/actress reader

Summary: You and Henry have been married for a couple years now, and when you’re both part of the Witcher cast, fun interviews are to be had.

Warning: nothing but a good time, btw I’ve never written anything like this so I hope it’s good enough that I might feel motivated to write more

-Readers Witcher character is loosely based off my Geralt fic from here (just a little self promotion), but in this case you play a full vampire in this Witcher universe

The days have been long and grueling, filming hours upon hours of stunts and regular acting had taken its toll. Not to mention the countless times in hair and make up paired with costume changes and traveling to film on certain locations.

To say being apart of Netflix’s The Witcher was full of tiring days and some accidental bruises would be a huge understatement. But none of that mattered, nor did you bother to complain when through the thick and thin of it all did you have Henry with you along the way. And your favorite big slobbery bear, Kal whenever he was allowed on set.

Fortunately for you in the beginning of all the craziness, the casting and writers had wanted you specifically for the part of Y/C/N in the new series before Henry even auditioned for the role of Geralt, that was soon given to him after you accepted your fresh role of vampiric heroine.

It was ironically strange in a good way, you had watched your dork of a husband play the Witcher: Wild Hunt a few times before, eventually learning of what Geralt of Rivia was, who Y/C/N was in the story, who Yennefer and Ciri were, Tris and even Jaskier.

Who would have thought that you’d finally get to snag a role side by side with Henry in quite literally one of the most fantastic shows you’ve ever heard of. You didn’t even need to see the show yet to know how well it was most likely to be reviewed. Being a key character in the grand storyline was enough to convince you of how amazing it would most certainly turn out in the finished product.

And after all was said and done, you couldn’t believe how well loved and popular the show truly became in the following months after shooting and its eventual release onto Netflix. The after parties and cast celebrations truly made you blessedly grateful for pulling through to the vary end.

Then again you had your mans Henry by your side every step of the way. He was your rock and you were most definitely his. You know life on set would have been far less entertaining and dreadfully long if not for the lovely company of your dear Witcher, Henry. And so far after the fact, you and a good portion of the cast have been placed in random interviews for the majority of the day.

Reason being, The Witcher has at long last finally premiered and as per usual the people and media live for those cast interviews that always reveal some interesting events. So far this morning you’ve done some interviews with Anya that have gone perfectly fine since the two of you seem to click so well.

Also it helps ease the anxiety of your fellow newer cast mates to the world of continuous interviews with an experienced veteran actor like yourself, who’s gone round the ring more times then you can count. Though you can’t help but wonder how Henry’s doing, considering you’ve been separated since the sessions began at 10am, you’ve had lunch and now it’s about 1 in the afternoon with more hours to go.

Luckily for you, you’ve just been informed of another interview with the man of the hour himself. Saying your goodbyes and well wishes to your fellow cast mates, you stand and follow the guide into the advised place. Aka some really nice hotel room that’s been done up real nice for efficient interviewing, complete with the Witcher insignia on a large background poster and three chairs that happen to look rather comfy.

The camera and sound people nod in acknowledgment as you walk in, you nod back no doubt making their day with your friendliness and adorable smile that quite literally lights up a room. Soon you spot the bubbly yet nervous interviewee who instantly welcomes you into her space like you’re an old friend.

You sit, a bit confused as to where your partner happens to be at the moment, the interviewer, Lauren makes small talk before a door opens and her big bright doe eyes go wide in nervous excitement. A telling smile upon her face as she shifts in her chair before looking back to you again with a happy grin.

Henry says a quick hello to the behind the scenes crew before waving to Lauren, you smirk while watching him get comfortable next to you, “Well, well, well. Get lost on your way up, you know they have guides for a reason.” You tease as he chuckles at your humorous jab, relieved to see you again after a couple hours apart.

“Traffic.” He quips with a shrug.

“Uh huh.” You mutter with a shake of your head before drawing your attention back to Laura, “Can’t take him anywhere I swear, he does this all the time.”

She laughs as Henry pretends to gasp at your teasing, you chuckle along with them before she finally collects herself, “Well, welcome back to London. It’s fantastic to have you both in town once again, and your big beautiful faces all over Leicester Square.”

You both laugh, “Right.” Says Henry, “I guess we do look pretty cool.”

“Hell yeah, I mean where else can I see myself with a giant sword on a building? And anyways look at this beautiful mug,” You say gently squeezing Henry’s cheeks in your hand, “he’s literally killing it out there.” They laugh as you give Hen another playful squeeze before letting go and setting your arm against the chairs cushioned armrest. 

“Alight let’s start.” She says enthusiastically before glancing down at her cards then back up to you and Henry. Then into one of the two the cameras, “Hi I’m Lauren from Entertainment Weekly and today we’re here with the two stars of Netflix’s The Witcher.” She says enthusiastically while giving a nod to you two, indicating that the camera is now focused on you both, “Henry Cavill and Y/N Cavill.”

You both smile in acknowledgment as Henry gives a slight nod, “How you doing?”

“I’m great,” She beams, “So, I’ll get right into it, what do you like most about the story? What really drew you into the script that made you say, yes this is going to be awesome?”

Slapping a hand against Henry’s muscular leg, you hum, “I’ll let Hen take this one he’s a real expert on the linguistics of the whole show.”

“Thanks Y/N/N.” Replies Henry, bemused that you’re making him take the first question.

You nod to him knowingly with a smirk, “Of course.” Knowing how much he loves to talk about the show and also because you’d rather have him use his energy to talk about it then do that yourself. Priorities, right, though in your defense it’s been a long day.

“Well I absolutely love the games and the books themselves are phenomenal works of literature.” He explains, his face glowing with that usual glimmer of excitement in his eyes, “The story and the world of the Witcher is just so rich and full of potential that when I signed on for the show, I immediately knew it would be amazing, no doubt.”

You lean into the arm of you chair, “And of course I was there so that’s always a bonus.”

“That too.” He smiles adorably, “That too of course.”

Lauren smiles, “Great. So, what was it like working together, how was it having your characters interact with one another?”

You smile, setting a hand against Henry’s forearm, “This guy right here.” You deadpan before waving him off dramatically, “So annoying, my god he whined all the time and he was such a drama queen dear lord so ugh....” You start cackling before you can even finish the sentence causing Henry to loose it as well and with that the interviewer.

Shaking your head you rest your hand against his shoulder, “I joke, he was a gem to work with as usual...I mean I feel incredibly blessed to be able to act alongside my husband for months and months every single day. It’s a rarity in this line of work and I’m grateful to have shared this experience...and I guess more so this whole adventure with him as well.”

The interviewer aww’s as Henry tilts his head to lean into your hand that’s still resting atop his shoulder before pulling away just as quickly, the intimate sentiment not going unnoticed by you or Lauren who looks to be enjoying your loving yet calm energy with one another. “That’s so sweet, what about you Henry?”

“Oh yes absolutely,” Agrees Henry to your recent statement, “not only did I have her by my side through it all but the dynamic of our characters interacting together was so fun to shoot. I think the audience will really be able to see their relationship grow on screen into something strong and beautiful like in the books.”

Slow clapping you give him a curt nod of approval, “Well said.”

Lauren smirks, “Seems like it. Well, I was able to catch the premier yesterday and I gotta say...it was fantastic! I couldn’t believe how diffident the two of you looked from how you are now.” She gushes enthusiastically.

The corners of Henry’s lips curl into a proud smile for the fellow crew of the Witcher’s, “Oh that’s great then, honestly we gotta give all the props to the costume and makeup team, they’re so talented and know how to make us look like real badasses.” He adds.

You nod in agreement before grinning at a positive memory of your first interaction with Henry as Geralt, “Oh for sure, I remember during the early stages of production when our characters met each other for the first time, before this we came to set together but went separate ways to shoot our own stuff in the meantime so I never got a real look at him.” You recall with a bright smile as Henry watches your every move, beaming just the same.

“It was so funny, I was in the tent with Freya Allen, the wonderful girl who plays Ciri, and then suddenly her eyes got all big and nervous and I was like, that’s not me right? Something weird didn’t just happen with my costume? And then I turned around to find this man, wig on, face a mess, and his eyes looked so fearsome and different...it was a bit startling.” You say with a chuckle, “I clearly wasn’t expecting to see Geralt right then and there. He just looked so unlike Henry.”

“Yeah, I was almost hurt.” Laughs Henry, “She had to like squint and make sure it was me.”

Rolling your eyes, you shrug, “He had some real creepy looking colored contacts, yunno?”

Henry fake scoffs, “You’re one to talk, I mean when I first say her, Y/N’s eyes were red and she had fake blood spattered all over her face and shirt. Oh, and not to mention those fangs they put on your teeth...we probably traumatized poor Freya that day.”

“Oh shit you’re right!” You exclaim with a snort of concealed laughter, “God I completely forgot about how I looked...now since I think about it, I did that a lot too. I would just walk up to people and be completely oblivious as to what kind of nightmare I looked like, honestly I might have scared one of our producers a couple of times.” You add with a half nervous laugh, it’s true, you did scare some of the crew unintentionally. Most of the time.

Lauren lightly chuckles, “That sounds like you were quite the sight to see then.” She says before glancing back down at her notes, “Alright I have’ta ask, is there anything that you two took home with you from set?”

“Besides Henry every night,” He holds back a laugh while covering his mouth as you nonchalantly continue, “Uh, yes actually I got to take home Y/C/N’s wolf ring that I loved so much and just thought was the coolist thing ever and....uh, I might have stolen some socks too.”

“So that’s why after filming the amount of socks of yours I had to fold increased?” Wonders Henry with a surprised snort of realization.

Turning your head to give him a “no shit” kinda look, you look back at Lauren, pointing your thumb at Henry, “Master sleuth right here, but hey, he folds my laundry.”

“Aw that’s great.” Adds Lauren with a smile before turning her attention to Henry, “What about you Henry? Take anything from set?”

“More then Y/N did actually...”

“He just about took the whole makeup trailer most nights, I swear.”

Henry chuckles, “That. Is true.” He agrees with a nod, “Interesting enough, at home I’ve got Geralt’s armor hung up in our living room and a multitude of other nicknacks that I’ve collected during filming.” He adds, glancing over to you, “So uh, yeah, we were fairly lucky to be able to snag what we could.”

Lauren smiles, absentmindedly shuffling her cards, “That’s awesome to have such special memorabilia, you guys really are fortunate.” She adds before reading off from another card, “Alright you two, care to play a game called guess the image? Witcher style.”

Your face perks up at this, you’re a sucker for interview games and Henry knows it, “Are you reading my mind or something, I have been waiting all day for someone to ask about playing a game.” You gush rather enthusiastically. 

He smiles at your adorableness and how excited you’ve just become, Lauren grins, happy that her suggestion has been so well received, “Okay so how it works is, I’ll show you an image on my iPad and then you have to guess who or what I’m showing you.”

“Oh, cool I’ve heard of this,” You reply, turning to Henry with a smirk, “Loser has to clean Kal’s yard poop for a week.”

Rolling his gorgeous blue eyes he chuckles, “You’re on.”

“Alright, the stakes are high, you two ready?” Beams Lauren, holding her iPad to her chest as she awaits an answer.

“Yes, I’m ready to kick his ass.” You quip, leaning an arm against your chair while Henry does about the same, though he does his best to contain his laughter.

“Okay, first image.” She holds up the device to show some sort of weird golden thing, it’s shiny and hard, worst part is that you’re not entirely sure what the hell it could be.

Sensing your confusion Henry nudges your shoulder, though you ignore it before he smartly answers, “Oh, is that...Renfri’s brooch?” Little shit knows exactly what that is, of course he does.

Lauren claps, “Correct.” Zooming out of the image to show the full picture of the golden brooch, “Right on, that’s one point for Mr. Cavill.”

You scoff playfully, “Beginners luck.” While Henry side eyes you with a humorous grin upon his plush lips, he nudges your arm, “I’m going to really enjoy not cleaning up Kal’s grass turds for awhile.” He mutters lightheartedly, though you know deep down he’s being serious, no way is he going to win this, you think. You won’t have it, hopefully the next few pictures aren’t as difficult, Kal duty is not fun by any means.

“Shut up.” You grumble with a dismissive wave of your hand, though just teasing of course.

“Okay next image.” This time the blurred photo looks much more familiar, soon it clicks as to what the obscured blurriness actually is, yes!

“Got it! Anya’s er I guess Yennefer’s dress from the fight at Sodden.” Lauren giggles, zooming the image out to reveal Yennefer in her tasseled blue and purple dress from the battle at Sodden Hill. “I’m amazing I know.” You boast at Henry with a casual little bow in your seat.

“It’s the second question.” He deadpans, eyes crinkling in amusement as you shake your head at him.

“Pffff get outta here.” You mutter back, gently pushing his arm off of your chairs armrest and setting yours in its place while he gives you a fake shocked expression.

In turn you can’t help the smile that tugs at the corner of your lips, so instead of saying some sassy remark that would no doubt get a reaction out of him, you turn your attention back over to Lauren who’s looking over her notes again.

“Fantastic,” She says, glancing back up at you and Henry, “you’re both tied with one point each. Alright, anyone know what this is?” She asks showing something red and fuzzy, a bit of dirty skin showing from one corner but with The Witcher this bloody image could literally be anything.

The both of you squint, puzzled as to what this could be, “Y/N you got any ideas.” Wonders Henry, brows furrowed as his face contorts into deep concentrated thought.

Raising a brow, you hum, “If I knew I wouldn’t tell you.”

“Fair point.” He chuckles.

Lauren smiles, “Any guesses?”

 After a few concentrated moments, Henry shrugs in defeat,  “I’m stumped.” He admits as you study the image harder, mind racing to put the pieces together as to what the hell you’re looking at.

“No, I think I might know this....erm is it...me?” You wonder, voice raising in question, hoping to be correct about this or face the teasing of Henry.

Lauren quickly zooms out of the obscured image, “It is!” She says excitedly, revealing the picture of you from your characters debut in episode 2 where you save a girl from a werewolf, your mouth is covered in blood and so is most of your costumes chest area and left arm from the struggle. Not to mention the make-up teams fun 20 minutes of throwing fake sticky blood all over you to get the right look for the taxing scene.

You grimace a bit, “Oh god that was quite the day on set,” You recall with a half smile, “I was doing stunts all day covered in that red syrupy dye, I think it took a week to get out of my skin.”

Henry suddenly snorts with laughter, “Right! That reminds me, I thought Kal had gotten cut or something, it was just Y/N who had hugged him not realizing she still had some fake blood on her arm.”

“Jeez that’s right, I felt so bad, but I couldn’t stop laughing once we realized it was just me.”

Lauren grins, excited to hear some hidden information about little things that happens behind the scenes, “Oh wow that must have been a sight, alright Henry, Y/N’s taken the lead with a two to one score.” She says as you playfully nudge his strong shoulder. “Second to last image, what is this?”

Without missing a single beat Henry replies, “Jaskier.”

Squinting at the image you lean closer to the iPad, “How the hell do you see Jaskier?”

Smiling the interviewer zooms out to reveal the bards full outfit from the banquet scene, though he’s in the background of a fight between Geralt and some Cintran knights. “Right on!” She exclaims as you lean back into your seat dumbfounded, shoulder flush against Henry’s as he clutches your arm and squeezes it affectionately.

Ignoring his silent show of victory you shrug, “And they say he’s just another pretty face,” Earning a laugh from Lauren and some of the crew as you smirk at the camera, face them shifting to apologetic, “also I’m so sorry Joey you beautiful bastard apparently I’m blind. Uh, we don’t have to dwell on it, Lauren whatcha got?”

“You guys are both tied with two points each, last chance to win.” She replies before glancing down at her iPad, “Alright, what is this?” She asks, her iPad showing that of fuzzy bright colors, with a small corner smear of dull white that clearly wouldn’t make much sense to the untrained eye.

Smirking you glance at a puzzled Henry before sitting up in your seat, feeling rather good about yourself, “Would that happen to be, Hen in Stregobor’s illusion?” You answer with, though sounding a bit as a question considering you aren’t entirely confident as to what image this is.

Lauren’s brows raise in surprise, “Henry, looks like we have a winner. Y/N you are correct.” She beams, enlarging the image to reveal Geralt’s side profile as he talks to the old wizard while the background stays colorful and shrouded in various arrays of sunlight..

Shaking your fist victoriously in the air you give a couple enthusiastic whoop whoops while Henry simply takes it like a champ, “Have fun cleaning up Karl’s monster turds, cause this lucky lady doesn’t have to.” You boast as Henry and the crew laugh.

“Well that was something,” Beams Lauren, “I’m so glad to have chatted for a bit about your guys’ amazing new series, and maybe ended a relationship in the process.” She says jokingly as both you and Henry chuckle.

Patting his thigh affectionately, you smirk, “He’s a tough old bear, but yeah, it was awesome having you talk to us.”

“Yes, take care now.” Adds Henry while the interviewer Lauren stands, saying her goodbyes as she goes to exit the room.

The camera crew take a small break to adjust things and whatnot as you and Henry wait patiently for the next interviewer. He turns, an adorable smile pulling at his lips while you pretend to ignore his fiery gaze. “Well that went pretty well, minus the fact that I’m on Kal poop duty for a week...but uh...” He leans in close to you now, “I missed you all morning.”

Breaking out into a smile you raise a brow, “Boring without me huh?”

“Always.”

You casually shrug, “I figured as much. Don’t worry, we have a hotel all to ourselves tonight.” Your brows wiggle suggestively causing your blue eyed lover to shake his head with amusement.

“Say it louder next time.” He jokes.

Side eyeing the oblivious crew you begin to speak a couple octaves louder, “Henry I can’t wait to fu..” Suddenly his hand presses against your mouth before you’re able to call any attention to yourself. He gives you a warning look before slowly pulling his hand from your mouth.

You grin mischievously, “I wasn’t gonna say that...”

“Sure Y/N,” He mutters in your ear as a new interviewer walks into the room and finds their chair, “and I’m wasn’t going to make you scream tonight.”

Your brows raise in surprise and admittedly slight arousal at his choice of wording in this room of all places. Eyeing him up, face still showing surprise, you finally break out into a satisfied smirk. “You know what? I think you should consider changing your offer.”

He thinks deeply for a moment, though you know he’s only pretending to get you riled up, “Hrmm...maybe, possibly, should I? Should we? You are my co-star after all, that wouldn’t be very professional now would it Y/N?” He states with a shit eating grin, all done while the crew and interviewer get ready, minding their business and completely unaware to yourself and Henry’s teasing.

Scoffing playfully you lightly swat his arm, “We are way past being professional.”

He chuckles, looking from you to the rest of the room, “Oh, they have no idea.”

[princessofcurses]

[1] Take it.

Part 2 Ryomen Sukuna x Fem!Reader Written from the perspective of Sukuna My first post! I wonder if anyone will read it? It's kind of long. The sexy stuff starts happening about halfway through. This is just one chapter so some things might not make sense. Let me know if you liked it and want more! Preface: A woman sorcerer challenged Sukuna. Her technique was able to nullify his, ending in a draw between the two. Frustrated at his inability to kill her, he decides to “take her” in “another way”. The cocky brat rejects him easily but he’s determined to win her over little by little when she visits him the next day.

She left quickly after our battle. I wanted to chase after her. She hadn’t even told me her name but the way she mocked me riled my soul up. A fire began to burn in my core and soon, I felt it in all of my blood. I was almost unsure if I wanted to kill her or fuck her. I hadn’t met a Jujutsu sorcerer as strong as her before, strong enough to go toe-to-toe with me. And strong enough to resist me. I couldn’t kill her so right now, I wanted nothing more than to fuck her. I can win in other ways. I wanted to earn her affection and make her mine. With her by my side, nothing would be able to stop me.

The next day, she came back to me. I was delighted.

“You thought about it, didn’t you? Did you rethink your stance?”

She replied to me with disgust.

“I’m here to waste your time and keep you from killing.”

I scoffed.

How can I win her over? After my ‘sex with hundreds of women’ comment last time, she obviously wants nothing to do with me. I can’t force her into submission because she neutralizes my techniques and she can use it against me. Should I buy her affection? Maybe gifts would do.

She noticed I was in thought and she used the pause to take a seat at the base of the mountain of skulls. She pulled out a book and began to read. She was bored with me again. She is so fucking infuriating. I wanted so badly to kill her but I couldn’t. So I thought I wanted so badly to ruin her and make her feel so good she submits to me. But she pretended I didn’t exist.

I jumped down from my throne to be closer to her.

“What’s your name?”

Without looking up from her book, she said just her first name.

“Akahime.”

“Oh? So you’re one of the heavenly twins. The red princess.”

“Mhm.”

Her one word replies irritated me. Women have died just getting too close to me and now there was one who not only rejected me but could stop me too. My usual approach wasn’t working so I tried being more direct.

“I want to talk to you.”

She immediately responded.

“I told you I’m not interested.”

“Please.”

She closed her book with both hands and put it down. I felt pitiful almost begging her just to speak with her.

“You’re annoying.”

I winced at her comment.

“What if we talked over dinner?”

“We wouldn’t be able to go anywhere without you being noticed. Plus, you might just try to kill everyone.”

“Then I’ll have one of my servants bring us something. You didn’t bring food, right? You’ll get hungry eventually.”

She put her index finger on her chin and looked up. She had a cute thinking face. If I could hear her thoughts, she probably cursed in her head that she forgot to bring something to eat.

“Okay, fine. I want an omakase from the most expensive sushi restaurant in Japan. I also want a bottle of sake. It better be warm too.”

This little brat. She’s a foot shorter than me but she treats me as if I’m the small one. I sighed in exasperation and I snapped my fingers for a servant to quickly appear. Akahime wondered where they came from.

“You heard her. Fetch. Quickly.”

They scurried out of the lair. I went to take a seat beside her. She looked uncomfortable and moved farther from me once I sat down. I sighed.

“I won’t bite. I just want to talk.”

She turned to me and smiled.

“Let’s talk over dinner!”

Ugh. She’s really cute, even when she’s nicely rejecting me. I was losing my composure. I was so frustrated that she wasn’t giving a single thing. I wanted to get on top of her and show her just why women come to me. But she might just leave altogether.

“Okay, looking forward to it then.”

I made my way back to my throne. I leaned my elbow against the armrest and held my head up with my hand. I wondered, what could I say to make her trust me? It felt like an eternity had passed once the food arrived. The servant laid all of the sushi out. Akahime and I sat on the floor. I poured her some sake and she took the small cup with a smile.

“Thank you, Sukuna!”

She could look so sweet. I was taken aback from it, considering how cocky she had been the entire time. She must really love this restaurant.

“Itadakimasu!”

We clapped our hands and she immediately went for a piece of salmon.

“I love this place! Oh, you ordered the omakase too? Wow, so you have money?”

Her personality completely changed.

“I’ve eaten at this place a couple of times. I like their omakase too. And yes, I have money.”

Maybe gifts were the way to go. I quickly wrote down some items for my servant to get.

She picked up a piece of toro and presented it to me with her other hand.

“This is my favorite.”

She plopped it into her mouth and she closed her eyes and smiled.

“Mmm!”

The way to her heart is through her stomach, I guess. We continued our dinner and I kept refilling her cup. She drank happily, finishing it quickly each time. Blush started to form across her cheeks and nose. We had just finished eating too.

She sighed.

“Ah. I feel like I ate too much.”

Her words slurred a bit and she put her head down on the table.

“I’m going to fall asleep right here.”

I helped her keep her head up.

“No, don’t do that. I got you something.”

My servant entered and set down a futon for her.

“I got you a futon to sleep on. It’s stuffed with goose feathers.”

She looked at me and then the futon with amazement.

“Wow! I have to lay on it right now!”

She finished the rest of the sake in the bottle and crawled over to the futon. I had the perfect view of her ass and I could see the outline of her panties. A chill went through me.

She laid out on the futon and cuddled the pillow, which was stuffed with goose feathers as well.

“Do you like it?”

“Yeah, it’s really comfortable.”

Her smile was so charming and the way she looked up at me with sparkles in her eyes made me want to have her right at this moment.

“I got you something else.”

My servant handed her a white and flowy off-the-shoulder nightgown. She sat up and took it from the servant, who left quickly.

“I’m going to wear it now. Close your eyes.”

I covered my eyes but couldn’t help but peep through the cracks. She had stripped down to her panties and I could see her perky breasts and perfect ass. She clumsily slipped on the dress.

“Okay. I’m done changing.”

I uncovered my eyes and saw her unobstructed in the dress. She looked so dainty and was being so sweet. Was this the same girl I fought with? The same girl that I lost to? I examined her, thinking that she looked so innocent. I hungered for her. The off-the-shoulder part made her look even more enticing. I have good taste.

“It looks good on you.”

“Did you pick this out? I like it.”

“I did.”

We made eye contact for a few seconds and then she abruptly turned her back to me. She sat back down on the futon, swaying a bit from side to side. I thought for a second. Could this be my chance to close in? I didn’t want to respond. I might anger her and she’d tell me to leave her alone. I took a seat close to her instead.

“Did you enjoy the dinner?”

She was all smiles, not a hint of maliciousness or cockiness she had shown me before. My heart ached a little because of it.

“It was delicious and the sake is great! I feel good right now. Thank you, Sukuna.”

She said my name again and a chill ran down my spine. I wanted to make some contact with her. Just my index finger to her face or putting my hand over hers. I fucking hated this. I was doing so much to make her comfortable just so she wouldn’t push me away. Never in my life have I ever had to work for a woman’s affection. It pissed me off to no end. Why couldn’t I just have her already? The dress on her was making me lose my shit. The soft outline of her breasts in it. I didn’t want to take my eyes off of her. I just wanted to devour her.

She gave me a look of disapproval and then put her hands in my face to obstruct my view.

“Stop staring at me like that! I’m not a meal.”

Her hands were so small. I wanted to hold them in mine but instead, I grabbed her wrist. She had a surprised look which slowly sank to annoyance.

“Did you want something?”

Since she didn’t try to break free from my grasp, I kept holding her wrist up. I thought of the right words to say. What could I even say?

“I want you.”

She gently took back her wrist.

“I can’t help you.”

I brushed the hair in her face behind her ear.

“Why?”

A look of innocence took over her facial expression and the blush from the alcohol reddened even more from the blush of her reservations.

“I'm no stranger to foreplay but I want my first time to be with someone who’s also never fucked before.”

The way the crude word escaped her lips while she looked like an angel turned something on in me. I started to get erect and I wanted to let myself lose control. I don’t care what she does to me. I just want to touch her once.

“I have a lot of experience. I’ll figure out how to please you quickly.”

Her look had a hint of sadness.

“I won’t compromise on this.”

God damn it. Why did I have to be such a whore? I can’t even remember anyone I’ve had sex with.

“Can I just touch you then?”

I braced myself for rejection. Her head tilted to the side. I wonder if she was actually thinking about it.

“Sure.”

I was shocked. I wanted to jump her right then and there but I had to control myself. I was being given a little and I was more than happy to take what I could get. She let me choose what position I would touch her in. I had her lay back on my arm and I cradled her like a baby. My hand just touching her soft skin and shoulders made me want to shudder but I needed to keep my cool in front of her. I raised my hand slowly to caress her face. We made eye contact and her glossy stare at me made me want to see what other faces she could make.

Holding her face in my hand, I tilted it and leaned in to kiss her. She didn’t protest. It looked like she was going to keep her eyes open during it, so I kept mine open as well. Our lips met and it felt like the air was knocked out of me. Her lips were so soft and I tasted a bit of her. She’s so sweet. I looked up to ask her.

“How was that?”

“That was nice.”

I kissed her again, taking the pace slow. I put my hand on her back and gradually moved it down. I stopped at her ass to grab it lightly and I think I felt my cock twitch just now. As we shared another kiss, this time I lightly put my tongue in her mouth and brushed against hers. She stayed still at first but then she kissed me back, just the way her tongue moved said to me that she knows what she’s doing. My thoughts corrupted as I thought about my cock in her mouth. I imagined her tongue twirling around my head. I began to drool. Some of it spilled down her chin.

She pushed me up. I gasped a bit being separated from her lips.

“Ugh. You’re getting your drool everywhere.”

“Sorry.”

I wiped it off of my chin and hers. I then leaned back down to press my lips against hers again. I couldn’t get enough of her. She tasted so sweet. I grabbed and squeezed one of her breasts and then I pinched her nipple and rubbed it between my index finger and thumb. She gasped. She was so responsive to my touch. I moved my hand under her dress to play with her exposed nipple and she let out a soft moan. I stopped kissing her to see the look on her face. Her eyes stared back at me with a lusty gaze. I needed more of her right now.

I sat her in front of me with her legs draping over mine. My hand found its way between her thighs. It was so warm and when I rubbed her pussy through her underwear, I felt the wet fabric. I shivered. I kept thinking that I needed to be inside her right now. I swiftly slipped her panties off and lightly teased her opening, coating my fingers in her arousal. She was so wet and it was driving me fucking crazy. I moved up to her clit and began to rub it slowly. Her eyes widened and she let out a sultry moan. Fuck. That’s sexy.

I quickened the pace, making sure to rub every little spot on her clit. Her moans were more frequent and her breathing was heavier. It became hard for her to focus. I pressed the issue by leaning into her and kissing the nape of her neck. She was so warm and aroused. I loved seeing how submissive she became once I started pleasing her. She had little to no protests.

I moved my middle finger down to slowly slide inside of her. She yelped softly and it took everything I had not to take her right now. I wanted to bury my cock deep inside of her but you know she would never let you. I was a bit eager so I put my ring finger into her as well. Her walls were warm and soft and she was already so tight on my fingers. I was about to beg her for her pussy right now. Instead, I started fingering her at a leisurely pace. She clenched around my fingers and I felt her moan down my spine. I whispered in her ear.

“How does that feel?”

I faced her. She looked like she was in a daze. She was struggling to speak. I smirked. I had her exactly where I wanted her.

“What happened, brat? Nothing to say now?”

She tilted her head to look at me with scrutiny and I knew it wasn’t time for that yet.

“I didn’t mean that.”

We continued on and I used my other hand to rub her clit. Her moans were so loud and they provoked me. I pressed in different areas of her pussy looking for the perfect spot. Each time I had touched a new place, she moaned even louder. She was so sensitive and it excited me to no end.

We were face-to-face.

“Look at me.”

She tried to focus but she was too lost in the pleasure I was giving her.

I took my fingers out of her to snap them. We then made eye contact.

“Look. At. Me.”

She nodded and I put my fingers back in her. I was just about there. I pressed on that spot, what do they call it nowadays? I don’t know. Well, it’s the spot that evokes orgasms. I pinned the spot and her eyes widened.

“Sukuna…”

“What is it, princess?”

She gasped and she whined out.

“You’re so good.”

My heart stopped for a moment from her sweet comment. Fuck. What is she fucking doing to me?

I fingered the spot harder and rubbed her clit faster. The way her pussy sucked on my fingers alerted me that she was close. I had to see the look on her face once she cums. Then I would have won one of our little battles. I varied my movement to keep her engaged. I would switch from rubbing her clit up and down to rubbing it in circles. Then I would alternate from softly fingering that sensitive spot to playing with it roughly. The air was drowned in her moans and it was so satisfying to finally get her in my hands. This was the grand finale for her.

We made intense eye contact with each other. She was in ecstasy but she also looked a bit scared. She knew what was about to happen too. I wanted to establish a little bit of dominance right here.

“Say you’re sorry.”

“Huh?”

She didn’t hear me, she was too lost in the feeling.

“Say you’re sorry for being a brat.”

Her head perked up and she was a little confused. She looked a bit nervous and she seemed choked up. I touched her slowly and I gently smiled at her. She was struggling to speak.

“Or do you want me to stop?”

With a worried look on her face, she shook her head.

“Then say it.”

I gave her a cold and stern stare, and tears began to form in her eyes. I picked up the pace in my rhythm again, rubbing her clit agonizingly and fingering her pussy. I wanted to let her know this was just a preview of what I could do to her. I held her right there. I’d push her over the edge as soon as she says it.

“I’m… I’m…”

She stuttered but she was about to spit it out right now. Half a second before her orgasm hits, she bursts into tears and cried out loudly.

“I’M SORRY!”

She wails as her orgasm consumes her. I pulled her close to me and embraced her while she came. It started in her pussy and traveled in waves to the tips of her fingers and toes. She was shaking. She tried to catch her breath and I felt so fucking satisfied. I held her while she cried and whimpered. It must have been overwhelming for her.

I took a hold of her chin and tilted her head to give her a kiss on the lips.

“How was that? Has anyone ever touched you like that?”

She looked down, shy and embarrassed.

“Not like that...”

I gave her another kiss. Her eyes were still teary and I wiped the moisture from her cheeks. I wanted to take it further so badly but she looked exhausted.

“Are you going to bed now?”

I hoped she wouldn’t but she laid out on the futon.

“I think so.”

She yawned and squeezed one of the pillows tightly in her arms. I pet her head once then got up.

“Good night then.”

I walked away wondering if I should contact one of my concubines. I was dying for Aka’s touch but I wouldn’t get it and I desperately needed release. If she found out though, I might ruin the little bit she was giving me. Do I really have to jerk off tonight? Me? The King of Curses?

“Sukuna.”

She sat upright and her head was perked up, watching me leave. I turned to her in surprise.

“Yes?”

She wanted to say something but she was struggling. She looked a bit frustrated but then she shook her head.

“Good night.”

Drive a fucking stake through my heart why don’t you? I walked to my bedroom and laid out on my futon. My erection was poking through my kimono, trying to free itself. I rubbed my erection through my underwear and kimono and I thought of how soft her lips were. I let the garment drop to the floor and slipped my underwear off. I grabbed my cock and groaned, stroking it up and down. I closed my eyes and imagined her crawling over to me in her dainty dress. How she would look up at me with her hungry eyes. The face she would make as she slowly sits on my cock for the first time.

I stroked myself faster, focusing on the head for a bit and then going down the entire shaft. My breathing was heavier and I got closer and closer. I started to think that maybe I should have asked her for a hand or blow job. I knew releasing myself would leave me nowhere near being satisfied. I felt pathetic. I felt like I was stooping so low for some brat but just picturing her smiling at me steeled my resolve. In my thoughts, she asks me to cum inside of her. I think of coating her insides with it, her virgin pussy being filled up for the first time. I groan loudly and blow my load all over my thighs. I then picture her thanking me for fucking her and I breathe deeply, trying to catch my breath. My cock was still upright and unrelenting, aching for more. I knew this wouldn’t be enough. I sighed and went to clean myself up.

MIGRATING TO A NEW BLOG @baji-san

[jeo9n]

Majesty Pt 3 || JJK

Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre : Slow burn,Angst,fluff,King JK

Warnings : Angst,future smut,virgin reader, TW: sexual assault??, reader is still shy around JK

Wordcount : 2k

previous | next

When I woke up the next morning, I still couldn’t really believe all of this actually happened. This all didn’t feel like it was real. 

I started questioning a lot of things, do I actually want this though? Do i want to get married to the King? Would I be a good wife for him? Would his family except me? Would the people in the village and everyone else except me? Would my mom be happy for me?... Would I even be happy?

As I was deep in thought, I was interrupted by someone knocking on my door. "Yes?" I answered.

"Goodmorning, miss. Your breakfast is ready." Said the old woman that showed me to my room yesterday. "Oh, okay, I’ll be right there, let me just get ready real quick." I answered her as i sat up. "Of course." was all she said before closing the door and leaving me all by myself again.

As I made myself downstairs, the woman, which I later found out her name was Maria, waited for my by the stairs to bring me to the dining room. As i didn’t know where it was.

The King was already sitting in his chair as we arrived at the dining room. He was sitting at the centre of the table on a beautiful gold chair. "Goodmorning morning, your highness." I said, while sitting down, choosing a chair rather far away from him.

"Why are you sitting so far away from me?" He asked, "Come and sit next me, I won’t bite you."

"Okay" I said quietly while standing up so I could go and sit next him. Feeling his eyes on me the whole time as I was walking towards him. He kept on looking at me even as I was sat beside him. There was this awkward tension in the room and it made me really uncomfortable. Thankfully though, Maria came in a few seconds later and brought us our food.

We ate our food in complete silence, until he started talking. "How’d you sleep?" He asked, while looking at me once again. "I slept pretty good, your highness." I told him, without looking at him, "And you, your highness?"

"I slept fantastic, knowing I have a pretty lady like you sleeping in my castle." He said with a smirk.

His words made me blush.

He looked at my red cheeks and smiled. "Are you always that nervous around men?" He asked.

"Depends." I answered him. "Depends on what? Y/n." He asked me once again, with a amused look on his face.

"I-I don’t know... depends on the men I guess." I told him while chewing on my lower lip. Well, you see, the truth was, I only get nervous around men I’m attracted to, but he didn’t had to know that.

"I like the way you look when you’re blushing." He said, with a smirk on his face before he continued eating. Once he was finished with his food, he excused himself saying he was busy. Before he stood up and left the room.

I finished my food, grabbed our plates and made my way to the kitchen, where I saw Maria cleaning. She turned around as soon as she heard movement behind her. "Oh dear, you didn’t have to bring me those. You should’ve called for me to get them" She said, once she saw me. Walking towards me trying to take the dishes from me.

"But why? You don’t have to clean up for me." I told her, "I can clean up for myself, don’t worry about it."

"That’s really nice of you. But, it’s my job to do those things for you." She giggles, holding her hands out to me, asking for the plates.

"Fine. But please let me help you clean up, I don’t know what else I should do." I told her, while handing her the plates. "Miss, you really don’t have to help me." She said, causing you to sigh. "Okay."

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

I decided to walk around the palace and explore it a bit. I walked through many hallways, walked many stairs up and down, passed by many closed doors. Before I eventually found the King‘s bedroom at the end of a long hallway. He had double doors that were made out of pure gold. They looked heavy and expensive. As I was admiring the doors, they suddenly opened. "Oh, Y/n - I wasn’t expecting to see you here." The King said, a little out of breath as he opened the door.

He was leaning against the door shirtless, looking me up and down before his eyes stopped at mine. "Is there anything you need?"

"No, not really. I was just walking around." I murmured. "You were walking around and found yourself in from of my room?" he smirks, "what a coincidence."

"Uh, yeah" I giggled nervously.

Suddenly A woman appeared behind him, wearing a pink silk robe that hung loosely off of her right shoulder. "Jungkookie, where is my glass of water?" She asked, with a fake pout on her lips while wrapping her arms around his waist and letting her head rest on his shoulder.

She was pretty. She had long dark brown hair and her eyes were ocean blue. But, why was she in his room? Dressed like that?

He turned around and looked at her with a smile on his lips. "Ah, sorry. I got interrupted." He told her while looking at me.

"I see, is that your wife to be?" She asked, as she looked at me with a disgusted look her face.

"Yes." He told her, giving her a peck on the lips.

As I looked at them, I noticed the way they both looked. Both of their hair looked a mess, her makeup was smeared and she barley had any clothes on. The King looked sweaty, and there were a few hickeys on his neck and on his chest which i didn’t notice before. And I wasn’t dumb. I knew they had sex, It was obvious.

They stood their looking at each other lovingly. And I felt like I was interrupting something.

"Uhm, I should probably go." Was all I said before I turned around and left. Hearing her laugh before the door closed. Well, that was awkward.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Later that day I found myself back in the kitchen with Maria. She prepared dinner as watched her, I wanted to help her but she insisted that she doesn’t need any help.

"Does the King have a girlfriend?" I asked her, out of curiosity. The room went silent for a moment before she answered. "Why do you ask my dear?" She asked back.

"I saw him with a woman earlier today - they looked like a couple to me." I murmured.

"Well, I wouldn’t call it a girlfriend. They just do some... stuff together." She tells, while wiping her hands on her apron.

"What kind of stuff?" Silence filled the room and I could tell she was looking for words to explain. "They just let go off some steam together, I guess you could say." A sigh passed my lips. I knew what she meant by that but I didn’t understand. If he already has a woman by his side, then why did he go look for a wife?

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Maria finished cooking dinner and I helped set up the table. Not taking no as an answer as I was asking to help her this time.

The King arrived right as we were done setting up the table. He took a seat on his usual spot, before he asked me to sit too. Next to him, of course.

I took a sip of my water, before we both started eating.

"How was your day?" He asked, while taking a sip of his wine. "My day was good, thank you - and yours, your highness?" I asked back.

"My day was wonderful. - you don’t drink alcohol?" He asked me, while looking at my glass of water.

"No I don’t, I don’t drink alcohol, your highness."

"And why is that?" He asked, with a curious look on his face. "I haven’t had any good experiences with alcohol." I told him.

A confused look crossed his face. "What you you mean by that?"

He looked at me, clearly waiting for an answer.

"It makes people go crazy, it makes people do a lot of bad things, it changes them. I’ve seen what it does to people. So I refuse to drink it."

Now he was curious. "Has anyone ever done bad things to you while drunk?"

I didn’t answer right away. I didn’t know how I should tell him this.

"Uh, some men would sometimes touch me inappropriately while they were drunk." I told him, avoiding eye contact. Suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "But don’t worry about it, it’s fine."

"What are their names?" Was all he said.

"I-I don’t know their names, your highness." I whispered.

"Don’t lie to me, Y/n." He told me, in a strict tone, While looking me directly in the eyes.

Fuck, he was angry.

Well, the truth was, I knew their names. But I didn’t dare tell him. I didn’t want him to punish them, I didn’t want those man to suffer because of me, because I knew they didn’t mean to touch me. They were drunk. They didn’t know what they were doing.

"I really don’t know their names, your highness. It was a long time ago, if I knew their names, I would’ve probably forgotten by now."

He just looked at me. He knew I was lying, he could tell. And he was frustrated by that. "You don’t know? Or you don’t want to tell me?"

"I really don’t know." I told him, trying to sound convincing. He pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly annoyed by my answer. But he didn’t question me any further about it.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

We finished our food and I helped Maria clean up. "You should go take a rest." She told me once we put all the dishes away. "you look tired."

"Yeah i probably should." I said, stretching my body, "you should take a rest too." I gave a smile. "Don’t worry about me dear, I still have a lot of stuff that I need to get done before I can rest." She told me with a smile on her face. A smile that she seems to have on her lips 24/7.

"Well, than let me help you. Getting things done goes by faster if someone is helping you." I told her. "I help my mom out all the time, I’m used to it." I assured her, walking towards her. Trying to help her out once again. But she stopped me. "I appreciate it but I don’t need your help." She told me while she cleaned the dishes. "Go to bed, it’s late."

"Ugh, fine." Turning around to leave. "Goodnight, Maria." I told her while I made my way out of the room.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

As I was walking up the stairs I could hear a noise coming from the hallway. It sounded like someone was in pain. I followed the sound all the way down the hallway, until it led me to the Kings bedroom once again. I could hear the sounds more clearly now that I was standing in front of his door. I could hear a girl moaning.

"Jungkook!" She cries. "Fuck!"

I gasped loudly before covering my mouth. Quickly realizing what was going on. There wasn’t someone moaning out in pain, she was moaning out in pleasure.

I was shocked. I left quickly after that.

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Back in my room I took a shower. Quickly washing away what i just heard. I felt ashamed for standing outside his door and listening to them. I felt like a creep.

Once i was done with my shower, I changed into a nightgown, that the King had prepared for me, and went straight to bed. Trying to forget what just happened.

I tossed around in bed for what felt like hours. Before I eventually fell asleep.

__________

taglist : @fangirl125reader @min-nicoleee @yzkyzkuniverse @safi4x

[k-sci-janitor]

So I finished DCWT last night and while I know this fic is quote unquote famous and also rightly contentious, I still had some thoughts on it that I wanted to spew out long form style on here, SO-

To be clear, this was a fic I avoided for a LONG TIME

You know when people hype up a thing as like, the pinnacle of whatever? And if you haven’t read it, you’re not a real fan? Yeah well, that was the vibe I got with this dumb fic for a long time while absolutely no one told me that, it was just my dumb brain being judgmental to myself really, lol. Anyway why would I wanna read a fic that famously doesn’t have any tags? I mean, who does that?? Anyway-

So what changed your mind?

Well I watched this wonderful video (everyone, GO WATCH THIS VIDEO) and even tho the creator simultaneously hyped and un-hyped DCWT, it got me intrigued and a little cautious about finally just giving it go. It had literally been sitting on my kindle for months and I just finally decided to see what it was I was missing.

So you got past that opening, huh?

MY GOD. My biggest initial hurtle getting thru this damn thing was just the opening. It was verbose. It didn’t make much sense. It didn’t even seem like this author and I had watched the same movie. Everything about it was off putting and strange and I must’ve picked it up and put it down like 10 times. Don’t do this. I’ve only written a little bit personally but the fastest way I chuck a book/fic/whatever away from me is a terrible opening or like, an opening so fucking confusing that it’s unclear that it’ll get better from here.

So it got better from there?

Okay yes, it did, thank goodness. At a certain point it became more clear and I realized the fic had started with a wildly confusing intro to show, you know, how m e s s e d up they were post-drift, cognitively, emotionally, etc. The story eventually started to speed up and I got engaged with the action and finally I couldn’t put it down. It took a while tho!! But I also HAD to put it down at some points.

Oh, why?

So, remember when I said there was no tags and everything I had gathered about this fic was secondhand knowledge? I didn’t really know how in depth the fic was going to describe disassociation and panic attacks. I don’t mind mentions of these things in other fics I've read but DCWT really delves into them in a way that made me, someone prone to panic attacks, really uncomfortable. It basically just hit a little too close to home for me and I occasionally had to put it down so I could breathe or find myself in a different headspace to be able to read these descriptions. This could easily affect someone else pretty harshly.

And like, I know these descriptions are fictional, they're not going to hurt me but they read real enough to me and they’re happening to a character I care a lot about and it was genuinely distressing to read. I also generally don’t read angsty fics because like I said, I don’t really like thinking deeply about Newt or Hermann having something overtly terrible to their bodies (sorry Kaiju!Newt fans, I get eeked out!!). Sometimes I can handle it if it’s abstract enough but sometimes I can’t. I especially find it hard if it's crouched in something I have personal experience with (the panic attacks, sigh). Tags, people, YOU USE THEM.

So did you even like this fic??? SPOILERS BELOW 👇👇👇

Omg so I actually did. Newt and Hermann’s characterizations were really good. Newt was quite possibly the world’s biggest asshole while I wanted nothing more than to give this Hermann a really big hug. Since this fic is so long, it gets a chance to really hone in on their dynamic and how they care for each other. They literally call each other their "life partners" before they examine if they're actually dating or not. I really enjoyed that a reader could interpret their relationship as ace, it totally works. And I still got my big damn kiss! Jokes that have been building up for like 100k words have an amazing pay off and was super funny to read. Also somehow NO ONE told me about the AI self-driving cars and were my surprise favorite characters. Mako's characterization was also some of the best things I've read about her and I loved her and Newt's relationship a lot.

So it was fine in the end?? MORE SPOILERS 👇👇👇

Well, no, I think I'm just sensitive to the idea that Newt's mind is tearing itself apart due to the kaiju, due to Hermann occasionally taking over, due to his own dumb hang-ups. It's a melancholy read is where I would place it. Their dynamic is difficult and real in it's terror of what's happened to them. A BIG SURPRISE for me was Newt's third drift and the fact the PPDC may or may not have coerced him to do it while he was on anti-seizure drugs?? IT'S REALLY UPSETTING. I don’t like the immediate alienation from the PPDC, I mean, I also don’t like the military but the idea that they would whisk Newt away like that is weird and I dunno. It’s fucked, whatever.

It was just a weird, hard read for me emotionally and I don’t blame anyone who decides to just put it down. And it has SUCH good stuff hidden in there (the AI cars, Hermann buying a Porsche on a whim and being a scary driver, that fucking hair stroking thing) but it’s a roller coaster and I honestly don’t know what to make of a fic that has it’s own PR person to hype it up, lmao.

So what do you recommend?

Approach cautiously! I’ll even make a short list of tags here: Descriptions of epilepsy, seizures, nosebleeds, disassociation, panic attacks, eye damage, hand surgery, Drinking and depictions of drunkenness, underage drinking mentions, implied drugging, descriptions of imagined head surgery, suicidal thoughts.

And hey, you might be a tough guy who reads fucked up fics all the time and I just sound like a wimp here, that’s fine!! I just felt complicated about this fic (liking and hating it, ugh) and wanted to get down what I thought about it while it was fresh. And like, y’all know me, I like cute, fluffy shit where they kiss for the first time or whatever. But I occasionally will dip into scarier stuff. I just don’t know if this is everyone’s cup of tea and wanted to elaborate. 😮‍💨

[btsslowburnfic]

The Arrangement Ch 17

Story summary: Desperately in need of money, you answered the questionable ad. AKA-Arranged marriage AU featuring Y/N and Yoongi

Chapter Summary: Part one of the photoshoot

Previous Chapter here

The work week proceeded as normal. Well, what had become normal. Delivering coffee and reminding Yoongi to eat, answering emails, trying to figure out which meetings Yoongi actually needed to go to and which ones were a waste of time. Of course you always went to the meetings, and holy shit you couldn’t believe the topics couldn’t have been discussed via email. You were looking forward to this particular day because you got to go visit Hoseok in the style department and Jimin had decided he was tagging along “for funsies.”

Yoongi was supposed to go and get measured and try on clothes for his photoshoot. When you reminded him that morning he laughed at you, “Uh no. Hoseok knows what size I wear. He can figure it out. Go look at the clothes and I might try some of them on tonight.”

You and Jimin met up for lunch and then headed up to the styling department.

“I’m excited. I’ve never been to a photoshoot before.” You said bouncing up and down in the elevator. 

“Yeah, they’re pretty boring actually. Like if it’s with some of the hotter models it’s a little fun for the eye candy, but then you feel bad for them because they have to sit for so long  making awkward faces. They are constantly getting their make-up and hair touched up. Touch base with craft services to make sure there’s plenty of water. The lights are bright.”

You took out your phone, “Oh thanks. I wouldn’t have even thought about that. Any other tips?”

“It’s Yoongi. It won’t take as long as it does with the other people. He’ll show up, do it, and leave. JK and Tae, especially Tae, want to chat with everyone on set and if they are together it takes foreeeeevvvveeeeeerrrrr.” 

“Huh, ok. Thanks.” The two of you arrived at JHOPE Fashion and walked through the rainbow vomit doors. 

Hoseok was wearing glasses with yellow lenses today, which made his dramatic facial expressions stand out even more. He immediately rolled his eyes. He pointed to you. “You are not Yoongi.” He pointed to Jimin. “And you are not Yoongi.” He put his hands on his hips. “So why are the two of you here?” 

“I’m sure you can guess why.” You responded dryly.

“Ugh. That ungrateful man. I had lovingly hand stitched these pieces. For him. These patches...” Hoseok pressed his fingers together as though he was praying. “Fine. Fine. You. Y/N. Come. You. Jimin. Wait right there.”

Jimin’s eyes went wide. “Me? Why do I have to wait here?” 

Hoseok turned from where he had started to walk towards the back. “You will thank me in a minute. A certain someone is coming to get his fitting in a few minutes.” He raised an eyebrow and then turned around, his heels clacking against the red tile floor.

Jimin started to blush profusely and before you could ask, Hobi interrupted, “Come new girl. We have work to do especially if that boss of yours refuses to come here and experience these magnificent beauties for himself.”

You followed him through the large door, which led to lime green hallways and then to a quiet, more muted workspace. The walls were lined with fabric bolsters, the middle tables with ribbon, thread, patches, paint. Paint? 

Hoseok sat down. “From what I understand, this album will have an acoustic feel to it versus his previous albums. For that reason I have chosen these natural materials such as cotton, linen, and denim.” He spread out several pieces onto the large table. “I have also opted for a more neutral pallet, as much as it hurts my soul. I have chosen colors found in nature. I have chosen brightly colored accessories such as these silks to stand in contrast with the stiff fabric and more neutral colors he will be wearing. Additionally, I avoided black. We’ll see if he notices.” 

You watched as he draped the red and purple silks over the top of the clothes. For whatever reason, you found it mesmerizing watching the fabric juxtapositioned in such a way.  “It’s so cool to hear you tell a story just using clothes.” You said, somewhat enchanted.

Hoseok flicked his eyes up to you, “Thank you. That is what I try to do with my collections. Everyone’s outfit tells a story, even if they don’t mean for it to. May I?” He asked, stepping back and gesturing at you.

“Oh man. You know I don’t dresses fancy--”

“Shhhh you don’t tell me.” He looked at your outfit. You had opted for an Aline skirt and blouse with a casual blazer.  “You had meetings this morning, that’s obvious by the jacket. You usually dress cuter. Which means you are either sick or not feeling great. You look fine. So I’m guessing...you are on your period. Sorry, this just comes out, I can’t stop it,” he paused for a moment as your jaw dropped open slightly. He stepped closer, inspecting the shoulders of your jacket. “The blazer is at least ten years old but you shouldn’t have had a blazer ten years ago unless it was for your school uniform and that isn’t a school jacket. Which means it probably belonged to an older sister or aunt. You are very responsible and well organized otherwise you wouldn't be Yoongi’s assistant. Therefore you are most likely the oldest or only child so that is your aunt’s jacket. Your blouse is nice. You actually like it, you’ve worn it twice in the week you’ve been working here. You bought it at a thrift store. You don’t spend a lot of money on yourself, but you are very confident. Therefore, it’s not that you don’t think you deserve nice things, it’s just that you can’t afford them so you likely grew up poor and it has continued into your adulthood.”

“Holy shit. You should be a detective.” You said to him.

“The shoes, I gave you last week. They don’t have a story yet, other than a very good -looking man in a suit helped you out because Jimin said you were a nice girl. You wear zero accessories which shows a lack of both funds and sentimentality. Most people have at least one piece of jewelry that means something to them, but if you have one, you don’t wear it.” He smiled at you, his white teeth gleaming. “ Now, how much am I right about?” He crossed his hands in front of his chest.

You clapped your hands as though you were in an audience. “All of it. Although I am still weirded out that you know I’m on my period. Next time I’m going to wear something skin tight to throw you off.” You joked.

“Well,” he started, “At least now that you work here you don’t have to worry as much right?”

Given the shitshow you went through this weekend you weren’t sure about that, but you shrugged, “It definitely pays better. And money doesn’t buy happiness, but it sure helps make some things less hard.” You gestured to the pile of fabric on the table, “So...what do I do? Take these clothes with me for Yoongi to try on or will they be at the photoshoot tomorrow? Do I need to bring them to the photoshoot?”

Hoseok sighed dramatically, “I could dress Yoongi drunk, in my sleep. He can just show up tomorrow and I will dress him then. My staff will make sure the clothes and accessories are at the photoshoot. Here,” He walked over to one of the garment racks. “More clothes for you. I know you have a big closet. And if you run out of space, just take Yoongi’s, he only wears like three things despite my best efforts.”

You laughed, “Yeah, you’re not kidding. Ok thanks,” You took the clothing. “I appreciate it.”

“It’s no trouble. Feel free to see yourself out, I’ll see you tomorrow. Oh and please make sure the catering has strawberries.”

“Strawberries? Got it.” You were learning so much today. 

You exited the backroom and saw Jimin over near one of the pedestals. He was chatting with JK who was getting fitted with a corset. What an itty bitty waist, you admired. The two of them seemed to be having a good time and you had a new list of things to do so you waved at Jimin and headed to 1802 to drop off your new clothes. You had forgotten Hoseok knew you lived with Yoongi. The week had flown by.  

You sent a text message to Jiwoo asking if you could stop by her desk and ask her a few questions to make sure everything was set up for tomorrow and then stopped by the apartment.

You conferred with her and learned how to navigate catering requests via the company website; apparently it wasn’t available on the app, good to know. you felt much better about the shoot tomorrow but still nervous and excited.

You knocked on the door to Genius Lab. No answer. Never any answer. You typed the code in and saw Yoongi wearing his headphones, lost in his own world. He had told you to just wait on the sofa when this was the case and that he would eventually notice you. Normally the smell of coffee was what alerted him to your presence, but you had come empty handed today. You sat down on the couch and took out your phone.

YN: I don’t mean to alarm you. But there’s something behind you.

You saw his phone light up. He ignored it for a minute, presumably to finish listening to a song, and then picked it up. You heard him laugh and take off his headphones.  “You are the worst.” He spun around.

“So mean. Hey. Tomorrow is my first photoshoot. I checked on the outfits for you. By the way, Hoseok is like Sherlock Holmes with clothing. I learned I’m supposed to contact catering, I have hair and make-up requests in. Do I need to do anything else?”

Yoongi thought for a minute. He never really participated in that side of the photoshoot, now that he reflected on it. He walked his way through a day on set.  “No. The changing rooms and photography are handled by other departments. Check with Jiwoo or Jimin, they’ve both set up a shoot before.”

“I did. I’m getting ready to send in the last food request. Any requests?”

“Mandarins. I don’t like to eat a lot on set because I don’t want stuff getting stuck in my teeth.”

“That makes sense. Ok. I’ll let you get back to it then.” You got up and stretched.

“Tomorrow will go fine. If you forgot anything, it will be somewhere in this building.” He reassured you.

“That makes me feel a lot better.” You said honestly. “Alright, I’ll see you around.”

“Later.”

--------------------

The next day arrived with Yoongi heading off to the hair and make-up department and you heading to the 11th floor to see what the photo set up looked like. You exited the elevator. Man your hands were sweaty, you followed the sounds of voices and made your way to the shooting location. The lighting crew was checking their overheads, a stand-in was posing on the various props they had set out. It looked as though there were three separate “areas” for shooting photos. One area had a large white couch, complete with coffee table, rubber plant, magazines. The whole set up designed to look like a living room. A second space was a blue sheet with a white background. The third space was a kitchen, complete with an island, stovetop, and refrigerator. Holy moly this space was huge. You marveled at it.

“Hello, can I help you?” An older man walked over.

“Oh hi, I’m YLN. Yoongi’s assistant. I was stopping by to check the set up. It looks incredible.”

“Thank you. Yes. Here, let me walk you through it.”

You received a tour of the set and also an overview of the order of shooting. You also found out that next week, weather permitting, there would be a second shooting at the park across the street. You got catering checked in, or at least pointed to the table and felt like you did a thing. The same happened when the clothing team showed up. You pointed to dressing rooms and the vanity where the accessories trunk should go. You were thankful no one had asked you any questions so far. This was a steep learning curve. You had hoped someone you knew might be here today to help ease your nerves, but so far, it was all new faces.

Finally, you saw one familiar face. Alice walked in, carrying a small case with her. You waved.

“Hey! It’s nice to see you again.” She said. “I had no idea you were Yoongi’s assistant until today.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess I didn’t mention that. I was so overwhelmed that first day,” you smiled.

“No worries. He was just telling me and Bongcha that he had an assistant now. He’s almost done. His make-up is setting. I’m on hair today which isn’t my strong suit, but it’s not like he’s needing a fancy up-do or anything and it’s good for me to practice.”

“Ok great. This is my first time at a photoshoot, so if there’s something I’m supposed to be doing but I’m not, can you let me know?” You confided in her. 

“Absolutely. It looks like most of the stuff is set up how it usually is. Just remember,” she got closer to you and spoke quieter, “You are Yoongi’s assistant. Some of these people, especially these older guys will try to get you to do stuff like get their coffee, grab them snacks. That is not your job. It’s not by job. If they have an assistant, it’s their job.” 

“I knew I liked you when we first met,” you smiled at her. “Thanks for the heads up.”

“Anytime Unnie.”

She walked over and took out her hair tools and placed them on the table reserved for hair and make-up. A few minutes later you saw Yoongi walk in wearing a black shirt and grey sweats. His face looked even more beautiful than normal. Next to him was a petite girl with long black hair pulled up into a ponytail, dragging a make-up train behind her.  Yoongi looked around for a second, and then locked eyes with you. You saw the tiniest smile threaten to come out as he walked over.

“Hey. Everything here looks good.” He gestured to the room.

“Thanks. I didn’t do most of it, I just pointed and people seemed to know what to do already. Your face looks good.” 

Yoongi chuckled, “You can thank Bongcha for that. Bongcha, this is YN.”

Bongcha stuck out her hand, “Hi. Nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Nice to meet you as well. You do good work. I give his face a 10/10. Highly recommend.” 

“Well, it’s easy when you have such a great model to start with,” She smiled while looking up at Yoongi.

Yoongi had started to blush between the pair of compliments. “Is Hoseok here yet?”

“No not yet.” You took out your phone to see if you had any messages from Hoseok. Nope. You looked back up, “Bongcha, I’m sure you already know, but the make-up table is over there.  Alice is setting up right now.”

“Great, thanks!” She headed over, her shiny hair swishing behind her. 

Speak of the devil in blue himself, Hoseok strutted in at that exact moment wearing an electric blue suit. His crisp white shirt underneath popped beneath the jacket, and his pocket square had little sunshines on it.

“Wow. You look like the sky.” You said before you could help it.

“Thank you. Indeed. It was my inspiration today. It’s a crime to be indoors beneath these artificial lights on such a beautiful day. Oh well. It can’t be helped.” He laid eyes on Yoongi, like a predator gazing on its prey, “Yoongi. Baby. Come.”

Yoongi scrunched his face. “Don’t call me baby. If you miss the sunlight so much, leave. I know how to dress myself.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you don't know which pieces go together.” Hoseok grabbed Yoongi by the shoulders and started leading him over to the clothing section, leaving you to laugh at the pair of them. You went over to the table you had set up for yourself between make-up and the food. You had printed off several lists that morning to help you stay focused. You checked off several action items. Satisfied, you sat your clipboard down and looked around. It was a well-oiled machine for sure. You walked over to the hair and make-up table. “Hey ladies.”

“Hey! Have you two met yet?” Alice asked, referring to Bongcha.

“Yep, we just did.” Bongcha confirmed, putting on her make-up apron and filling it with various powders and brushes.

“Ooooo we should do a make-up party sometime.” Alice squealed. “We try to do it with all the new girls. And since Yoongi is” she hushed her voice again “One of our favorites. We have to take care of his assistant.”

You smiled, “Sure. That sounds nice. Excuse me.” You decided to go see how the clothes were going.

“Yes. Yoongi’s assistant. So glad you’re here.” Hoseok turned to you.

“She has a name, it’s YN.” You heard Yoongi say from behind the curtain.

“Yes yes. I know. We talked yesterday, remember? At that meeting I scheduled for me and you that you did not come to. Anyways, here. The outfits are now coordinated. They have tags on them corresponding to their accessory in the accessory trunk. Some pieces have more than one option that the Director of Photography and Yoongi will decide on. Got it?”

You looked over the set up. It seemed simple enough since Hoseok had organized it so well .”Yep. You going out to enjoy the sunshine?” 

“Honey, I am the sunshine. I’m off to get laid after having to deal with this cloudy baby.” He gestured to the changing room.

“Don’t call me baby.” Yoongi shouted from behind the curtain. You just laughed as Hoseok turned around and left. You waited for a few minutes. 

“You ok in there? Need me to come help you put your pants on?” You teased.

“Not necessary.” Yoongi slid open the curtain. Why was everyone teasing him today? He pouted without thinking about it.

You walked over, straightening the collar of his shirt “Hey now, you can’t go around pouting like a baby and not expect people to call you one. Here,” you handed him a mandarin. He scowled at you as he took it. “Such a pretty face” You laughed. 

“Yeah whatever. I can eat this while they set up the white meter. You should be fine to just hang around at this point.”

“Alright. Sounds good.” The two of you walked over to the main part of the set where the Director gave Yoongi instructions about where to sit as they practiced the blocking and softbox placement.

“Oh my god he looks so good eating that tangerine.” You overheard. Your eyes bugged out slightly and you turned around. A group of women from the photography team were looking at the images to check the saturation and focus, as well as apparently the model. Damn. NEXT CHAPTER

@lidda  @anpanman-sonyeondan   @firefairy1  @cuteipat​  @sugaslittlekookies​  @janeelizabeth1216​ @deeepvibes​ @gxldenhunny​ @livelyjay​ @niniita-ah​ @bobbyboops​ @honeysunandsoil​ @deathkat657​

[fernsplaysthings]

Another continuation of my YW x Crow fluff from here.

Definitely suggestive this time.

By the time Kestral had reached street level they were beginning to wonder if Roost was right and that this was an ill thought out idea. Yes, the conversation with the other two members of Fireteam Mayhem (and their nosey Ghosts) had been somewhat emotionally charged and had opened the floodgates on a rush of feelings that they weren’t exactly ready to approach in a measured way but they still felt the need to try and…

Kestral didn’t even know what they were going to say to him when they eventually found themself at the H.E.L.M. Not even just what words to use. They hadn’t exactly worked out what they were trying to convey. What needed addressing. Everything was fine as it was, right? They hadn’t felt as connected with another person as they did with Crow. Not since Artemis and Salome and that was lifetimes ago. He tugged on their heartstrings in all the best ways. They cared for him in ways that made their chest ache, their stomach flutter, and their brain go fuzzy.

Again, Roost wasn’t exactly incorrect when he’d suggested that perhaps those feelings ran a little deeper and in a different direction to how Kestral expressed them out loud but they couldn’t see themself throwing out the ‘L word’ on a whim either.

With enough drink they knew it could be a possibility that it’d just slip out by accident and ruin a perfectly good thing, but that could be avoided.

Did that mean it was true if they were more likely to say it while drunk?

Realising they’d now walked several times around the block to burn off their nervous butterflies and straighten out their thoughts Kestral stopped, hating the direction their mind had headed, and looked up towards the Tower. There would never be a good reason to keep guessing and speculating on these things while the solution was right there. Even if some of the fear was because somewhere deep down they were afraid of rejection. Even if a lot of the fear was because they knew that there’d always be the possibility they could hurt Crow in so many ways without even meaning to.

A little voice in the back of their head reminded them that they could trust the other Hunter with anything, this included, and that was exactly what they needed to get their feet working again to push them towards the Tower.

-----

Without their armour and weapons to hand, Kestral felt out of place in the H.E.L.M. It was a weird sense of vulnerability to walk through a place dedicated to battle, survival and strategy as a civilian when they’d usually be one of the larger presences at the wartable. Vulnerability was exactly why they were here though, and while admittedly of a different kind it did seem appropriate in a round and about way.

As expected Crow was in his shadowed alcove at the back of the main hall, perched on the bench nearby with Glint at his side chattering away brightly.

The sight brought a goofy grin to Kestral’s face as they approached, widening even more as the other Hunter looked up at the sound of footsteps and cleared the space between them in a couple of strides. Although he tried to hold back, to seem cool and collected as he stood before them, the softest look of adoration made itself clear on his face when he noted the other’s smile.

“You’re in a good mood,” chirped Glint, popping himself between the pair and looking from one to the other.

Crow pushed back his hood and rubbed at his neck, taming his expression enough that Glint probably wouldn’t tease him about it later, “It’s...nice to see you smiling.”

Their heart did something messy and fluffy at his awkwardness and for a moment that fuzzy feeling took over their thoughts enough to give them pause and cause Glint to take a longer, more concerned look at them.

“Sorry, just wanted to swing by and see you guys.”

“We’re glad you did! Aren’t we Crow?”

He’d gathered himself enough to nod, “Actually I was going to talk to you later anyway. Zavala’s got me doing some recon stuff.”

The fuzzy feeling subsided rapidly and their heart dropped, “Oh. Anything interesting?”

He shrugged, “I’m not really allowed to share the details. I’ll be off-world for a while though.”

It really shouldn’t have bothered them as much as it did. They were off on other planets and moons all the time and it’d never bothered them before. Not that they didn’t miss him before they got back or think about him during the quieter times but still…

“That’ll be Zavala’s way of looking out for you,” they sighed, that vulnerability seeping in deeper, making them want to tug their hoodie around them and hide, “It’ll be some good experience. Doing a bit of field work for the Vanguard and all that.”

Something about their body language had obviously given away their unease to the other Hunter even though they’d thought they’d hidden it particularly well. His gloved knuckles brushed over their cheek, pushing back the stray hair beside their face, fingertips running down their neck to rest his palm against their shoulder.

Despite the heaviness in their chest, the gesture still sparked a shiver across their skin.

“I didn’t want to head off without letting you know,” he added softly, “I know you do this all the time so it’s probably no big deal and...am I being stupid?”

Kestral’s chuckle was one of relief. It didn’t make up for the time they’d be apart - ugh, when did they get this sentimental? - but it was reassuring to know he felt similarly. They moved closer, looped their arms around his waist and looked up to meet him face to face. Crow rested his own arms over their shoulders, around their neck, instinctively returning the hold so he could lean down and press a chaste kiss to their lips.

“I’ll take that as a no?”

They laughed more confidently this time, “You’re not being stupid. I’ll miss you too. Always do.”

A mingling of concern and affection crossed his features and he pulled them in again to plant a firmer kiss against their forehead, only to tuck their head beneath his chin so he could rest his lips against their hair. It was sappy but there was something about being wrapped up in Crow, warm and safe, that put them at ease in a way they never thought they’d feel. It wasn’t often that the fabled Young Wolf felt protected, vulnerability be damned.

“Maybe we can spend some time together before you go?”

Eyes meeting again, Crow smiled, “You have something in mind?”

Kestral hesitated. No. No they didn’t. How did this work? What if it wasn’t fancy enough. What if it was too impersonal? Did they need to impress him?

“Wanna get takeout and spend an evening at mine watching movies?”

Oh no that was the worst idea. He was definitely going to…

“A quiet evening in, hm? I’d love to. I’ll bring snacks.”

Perhaps it was the heat that had engulfed their face or they way their heart was now light and fluttering but without thinking they stumbled over their tongue, words falling out, “You could stay the night too if you wanted…”

“Ooh.”

Glint’s teasing sound startled the pair, both realising that the Ghost hadn’t actually gone anywhere and the poor guy was front and centre to their awkward sappiness. Kestral’s opinion changed from ‘poor guy’ to ‘almost as bad as Roost’ when his shell flickered and his holographic eye morphed from smug to a cheeky wink. Crow didn’t seem to think too much of it, probably used to his Ghost by now, and rolled his eyes before settling his sights back on the Hunter in his arms.

“I’ll bring some snacks and a toothbrush then.”

-----

A movie and a half in Kestral started to wonder why they’d been so nervous about spending some time alone with Crow. Their takeout, a very large, very cheesy pizza, had arrived just as they’d started their first movie and Crow had made short work of scarfing back a healthy number of slices while immersed in some equally cheesy action flick Kestral had pulled out. They’d eventually settled back into each other, Crow reclined across the sofa with the smaller Hunter, their back to his chest, comfortably laid back between his legs. 

Somewhere during the second movie, something slower and a little more sappy, his hand had come to rest on Kestral’s bare stomach. A warm weight on warm skin but they’d still shivered when his fingers found the raised silvery line of a scar and traced it idly until Kestral eventually placed their hand over his to still it.

“Ok, that tickles.”

He laughed under his breath, sliding his palm upwards and feeling for other scars, “Do they all tickle? Or is this one just...new?”

“Not gunna lie, I don’t really remember. You get so many scars by being a Guardian.”

“Can I see them?”

Kestral paused, eyebrows raised in amusement, turning just enough to catch a glimpse of Crow’s face, “Excuse you. Are you asking me to undress?”

A deep purple flush rapidly covered the Awoken’s face even on noticing the playful smirk that the other Hunter was wearing openly. They’d turned further in his lap, lying chest to chest and looking up at him expectantly.

“I…” he swallowed hard, “I mean yes. I guess I am...If you want to.”

Kestral’s smirk turned shy, “You know you can’t unsee this if I do?”

“The only reason…” he leaned down, pressed a sweet lingering kiss to their lips, “That I’d want to unsee anything about you…” Kestral pressed up closer, deepening the kiss between his words, “Is so that I could see it again for the first time.”

He’d barely finished his sentence when Kestral had let out a soft breath, a slight hint of a whine, and snaked their arms up around his neck to tangle their hands in his hair, to kiss him with all the affection and warmth that his ridiculously romantic sentiment had sparked in them. Crow briefly forgot all about the scars and undressing and the shy awkwardness, and focused on not becoming completely overwhelmed by the flood of sensations. Heated lips, the gentle tug on his hair, sharing breath, the long line of contact between their bodies…

Gently cupping Kestral’s face he pulled back reluctantly, “Sec…”

“Was that OK?”

He grinned dreamily, running his thumbs over their reddened cheeks taking in the sight of saliva wet lips and eyes that seemed darker with their dilated pupils, “Yeah. ‘OK’ doesn’t cover it, actually. It was great. Really great, and we should definitely continue but…” he shuffled to sit up straighter across the sofa noticing Kestral’s attention drop downwards and a wolfish grin spring across their features when it returned to him, “That. And I’m not sure if I’ve done - I don’t remember if I’ve done this before and I’m not sure if that’s going to make it weird for you…”

“It’s not weird for me,” they replied quickly, “Crow it’s been ages since someone’s seen me as something other than a ferocious god slayer and too legendary for something as human as...as…” their mind reeled with words, the one they refused to say, ones too impersonal, some that just weren’t enough, “...as connection. As emotional and physical affection. Even before that. This though. I like this, even with all the weird bits. Especially the weird bits. I like you too. Kind of a lot.”

The Awoken simply stared at them with the most open look of adoration they were pretty sure they’d ever seen, completely silent.

“Shit. Too sappy?”

His response was to move his hands down around their waist, tug them to straddle his lap and kiss softly from their lips to their neck, smiling against their collarbone.

“It was very sappy. And I think, if we’re on the same train of thought, we should think about relocating to uh…” he looked up to see Kestral’s barely restrained smile, “To somewhere with a bit more space.”

“Bed?”

The second they said it, Crow lifted them, their legs wrapped around his waist, “I wasn’t going to say that but since you’ve suggested it…”

“Crow, you ass.”

“Bed it is.”

-----

Lola had seen some shit in her life but walking in to her friend’s apartment to see said friend, half naked in a shirt that did not belong to them, perched on the kitchen counter with a man that looked remarkably like the Prince of the Reef - not him anymore, it was Crow now - also half naked between their legs having an intimate conversation…

Well, it topped the list of things that made her lost for words.

It was only when the front door slammed behind her that the couple looked up, Kestral like a deer in headlights and Crow looking very proud of himself, that they noticed they had an unexpected visitor.

It took Lazarus launching himself into the side of Salome’s head to snap her back into the present, dazing himself in the process.

“Uh. Shit, Lola this is Crow. Crow, this is Salome, a good friend and part of my fireteam. This is a bad time, maybe you can…”

“Am I gunna have to start knocking?”

Kestral blinked a few times, “I...would like that. Yes, please do.”

“I cannot believe this is being turned into an actual love nest. Last thing I need seared into my brain is the image of my fireteam leader getting railed on the sofa.”

“Lola!”

“It wasn’t the sofa.”

Kestral’s head snapped back to Crow, face cheeks and ears all a deep red and slowly creeping onto their chest, “Don’t.”

Lola’s cackle drew their attention back again, “Ok, he can stay. I’ll catch up with you both when you’re not all loved up and shit.”

“Might be waiting a while,” muttered Crow, turning his gaze back to the other Hunter and running his knuckles lightly over their cheek.

Lola loudly faked some retching sounds as she left, slamming the door behind her.

[justsomemorewritersonthisapp]

Piggy back rides from Monaca's F/O (i thinks that's the way to say that, I'm not really into writing tumblr side lil. Just like a big sis figure i guess?)

> of course! And do not worry, Mod Angie understands what you are saying! They are under the cut! Hope you enjoy Anon! <

> and i tried to make it Gender neutral! Though i couldn't find any gender neutral for that.. also some bit of Servant x S/O <

> some blood and gore are here ! Please be careful ! <

< spoilers incoming ! <

Monaca was having a bad day, she didn't have the chance to murder any Adults, and the kids killed hundreds, not leaving her one Adult, the kids honestly thought they were helping her since she's in a wheelchair. What's worse though is that her own wheelchair broke, making her burst out tears

Luckily her servant who she calls 'big sis F/O' saw what happened, they called Servant while Monaca was bursting out tears in her room.

" pppssstt, Servant! Monaca's wheelchair broke, can you fix it for me? I'll comfort Monaca. " Of course, Nagi- Servant nods " Aha, of course. I could do that..! " Nagito walks away to the direction the wheelchair was put in, as you climed on the ladder.. you walked to the door, bracing Monaca's hurtful words..

Though instead, you saw her sleeping, guess she slept. You closed the door, walking back to your and Servant's room.

" Servant, are you aware of when are you gonna fix it? " He nods " I think so, it may take 2-3 days fixing it. Though you shouldn't trust me and my scummy words F/O.. " Nagito sighed, laughing a bit " Servant.. Nevermind, will get out of here together, and fix your issues. It's clear that you need some deep help. " You looked at him, his face flushed with red, looking back at you, he let out a giggle " Ah F/O-san, your too nice.. " You smiled, you hugged him. And he hugged back.. eventually you two passed out.

You woke up by some 'awwwwws' you groggily moved up carefully removing Servants hands off of you. Then you realized who the people 'awwwed' your head snapped at the kids direction, quickly getting up making Servant wake up as well " K-Kids you don't understand, we just fell asleep- uh- um- that's all! I promise.. " Thats when Kotoko boo'ed " Maaannn, and here i thought that that you two had fun! That's no adorbs! " Nagito got up, blushing for a bit " H-hey, thats enough for now, we'll have to do our work later.. " " Awwwhhh man, nnow i thooughht this wiill make you two tell eeachootherrrrs feeeelinggss.. " Jataro gloomly said " Whatever.. let's just go. These two will tell eachothers feeling sooner or later. " Nagisa shot back, Masaru was quiet, a bit too quiet. He and the kids followed Nagisa.

You felt like you forgot something, then you realized. 'oh sHIT MONACA!' You hurriedly tried to dress up, and ran out of you and Servant's room then climbing up the ladder and

" monACA I'M HERE..! " you pant, trying to breathe. Monaca was quiet, looking at you from her bed, guess she just woke up too. She laughed " Ahaha! Don't worry it's not something to apologise over, i know you didn't mean it.. just try to don't do it again.. " her faced darkened at the last statement though you didn't catch it

Monaca looked around, trying to find her wheelchair. Thouhh it isn't there.. " A-Awe, my wh-wheelchair isn't here.. is mr. S*sob*-Servant fixing i-it Big sib F/O?? " she looked like she was gonna cry, you tried to cheer her up by he one thing you thought of.

" M-Monaca, don't worry- i can give you a piggyback ride while Mr. Servant fixes it..! " Though it was for the best, Monaca was surprised " Nobody has done that to Monaca before.. " She nodded happily and you gave her a piggyback ride, though it was hell when climing down the ladder. " Ahahah, this is fun Big sib F/O! " Monaca chirped , obviously having fun with this, you gently placed Monaca in the chair. Before going to make her food. As you placed it beside her, her eyes sparkled " W-Wow..! Monaca feels like a princess, thank you big sib F/O! " she bit the food you made, it tastes heavenly to her.. nobody has done that for Monaca. And she tried to eat it slowly to remember the food

Ah she finished her food, you went to wash the plate. After a few seconds you went back to Monaca, whos impatiently waiting " You took so long! How! Did! It! Take! So! Long! " Monaca cried out, you silently made her go on your back. Too tired to deal with her tantrums. As you two went out to find some adults, you found 4 adults. You killed them one by one, except for the last one, they ended up surviving but you still caught up, with Monaca praising you " P-please! I w-w-want to live, please g-give me a chance! I- I will do- do anything pLEA‐ " Whack. They layed there, not moving. Blood everywhere, and honestly it smelt bad, you felt really bad. But knowing the warriors of hope. They will kill you for betraying them. You dropped the bat you were holding a few seconds ago " Wooooow! Your really cool Big Sib F/O! " Monaca praised you once again. It's starting to feel like it's okay to do this stuff. it's scary how a child isn't scared of a dead body, their used to this stuff now? H-ho..

You ignored your thoughts " Thanks Monaca.. " you said to her, before going back but you two heard a crash. Its very loud. They must be close, you peaked at the people.. huh? Two people.. the other has the wrist band, must mean they are in the game also.. she also has a microphone, weird for a weapon but okay, the other girl seems to follow around her too. But she heard something

" Omaru? D-did you hear so-something? " The female with the long skirt asked, shit you must have been too loud. 'I gotta get out of here befo‐' " Toki, i didn't hear anything. Are you sure it's something? I mean we fought a Monokuma, it must've hit something.. " Oh okay, thank the lord that that girl is stupid " U-Ugh! Fi-fine!! But if something c-comes out then its your f-fault!! " the girl yelled at the other before the two walked away

Well thats an experience..

You walked back to the headquarters, Monaca still on your back of course " Ugghhhh, those demons will get what they get in the end! " Monaca yelled before plopping into bed, you tucked her in before leaving...

...

..

.

" you'll be a good use for us, F/O. "

> Hey hey Anon ! Hope you like this , i am aware that it literally as no relavence for what you requested.. But i hope you still like it nonetheless ! Thank you for requesting . It feels so good writing for a WOH <

> please hydrate and stay safe ! There are people who deeply cares about you ! Love love ! <

[jubesy]

Your matchablossom stuff is so cute! Also I love the way you write. I was hoping to see how you might handle a more angsty or dramatic situation. Maybe with 15 or 1 for matchablossom. Of course if you take it a lighter direction, I’m sure it will still be amazing.

Hello, dear anon! Thank you so much!! Sorry it took me a bit to respond~ I was taking a break from writing for a couple days. But I’m back!

I do hope you like what I did with this. It takes place after Episode 9, so it’s mostly the comfort following the hurt. I hope that’s okay! This, uh, also went a bit long. Whoops?

Matcha Blossom #15 “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Also available on Ao3.

Link to my master list of Matcha Blossom drabbles

Joe sighed and cracked his neck as he finished locking up for the night. The trash had been put out, the prep was done for the following day, and he had a very special to-go order he needed to bring upstairs.

It had been several days since Cherry had conked out on his bartop. After which, Joe had brought him upstairs, deciding it would be for the best if Cherry stayed with him. Just until he was back on his feet.

Cherry had argued with him the following morning. But eventually agreed. It wasn’t like he had any meetings or deadlines coming up, so he could afford to take the time off and heal. And Joe was more than happy to help him with anything he might need.

However...Cherry was not the best house guest. 

“Kaoru!” Joe called as he opened the door to his apartment. “Dinner!” he tried when he received no response. 

“On the couch,” Cherry finally answered. Joe shook his head and removed his shoes before walking the rest of the way inside and shutting the door behind him. 

He found Cherry exactly where he said he’d be, lounging on the couch, watching some French drama. The coffee table was still littered with boxes from the lunch Joe had brought him and the bottle of wine he’d opened earlier was on its side. Empty. Oh, if only his fancy pants clients could see him now. Sakurayashiki Kaoru: The Ultimate Slob.

“Did you finish closing?” Cherry asked, his gaze still on the television. The images on the screen reflected off of his glasses.

“Just did. Yeah,” Joe replied, pushing the empty containers out of the way to make room for Cherry’s dinner. He really needed to tidy up. “I saved the last order of the special for you,” Joe said as he began picking up the trash and bringing it to the kitchen garbage. “I had to deny one of my regulars.”

Cherry snorted and finally looked at Joe properly. “Is that so?” 

“Mhm,” Joe answered, placing his hands on the back of the couch and leaning down to kiss the top of Cherry’s head. “Ugh,” he groaned. “All right. That’s it, Stinky. You’re getting a bath tonight.” 

And Cherry, who’d already leaned forward and opened his to-go box, turned to glare up at him. “I don’t stink.” He frowned.

“You haven’t bathed in five days,” Joe returned, standing up to his full height and crossing his arms over his chest. “And those little sponge baths don’t count,” he threw in before Cherry could argue. He received a groan in response. “C’mon, Kaoru. I’ll even wash your back.” 

There was a brief pause. “Ugh, fine,” Cherry surrendered with a sigh. Then he grew serious. “But after dinner. And you have to wash my hair.” He held up his bandaged wrist. “And rewrap everything after.” 

Joe grinned. “Yessir.” 

Once Cherry finished eating, Joe cleared it away and helped him to his feet. He was hobbling around a bit better now. In fact, he’d be back to skating shape in a week or so, according to Carla’s calculations -- If he continued resting properly and icing his sprain.

“I can’t believe this,” Cherry complained as Joe escorted him down the hallway to the bathroom. “It’s been days and I still feel like I was hit by a truck.” 

Joe chuckled. “We’re not as young as we were back then,” he supplied. “We can’t bounce back like we used to.” 

“Not as young…” Cherry echoed with a glare. “I know you’re not implying that I’m old.” 

“Not old,” Joe answered. “Just aged to perfection,” he teased. “Besides, it’s not just you. I’m only three months younger.” 

“And yet you look so much older,” Cherry noted. 

“Says the man who dresses like it’s the Edo Period,” Joe scoffed as he helped Cherry over the threshold.

“This coming from the man who has a closet full of bad Dad Shirts,” Cherry shot back.

The next insult was on the tip of his tongue, when Joe thought better of it. “Let’s just get you clean,” he paused, “Stinky.” 

Joe had gotten pretty used to getting Cherry in and out of his clothes over the past few days -- despite protests from someone who could apparently ‘handle it on his own’ -- and he’d even figured out how to wrap Cherry’s wounds properly. A big step up from putting plasters on each other’s knees when they were kids.

“I’m going to fill the tub,” Joe said, leaving Cherry seated on the stool by the shower. 

“You don’t have to narrate every single thing,” Cherry replied, lifting his good arm to rub at the other. “It’s freezing in here.” 

“You’ll be in the bath soon enough, you big baby.” Joe shook his head and turned on the tap. Once it was warm enough, he plugged the drain and turned his attention back on Cherry. “All right--” 

“Don’t announce it.” Cherry let his eyes slip closed. “Just do it.” 

Joe took a deep breath and grabbed the shower head. “Hold this.” He thrust it into Cherry’s good hand and then went about lathering up a washcloth. He was careful as he ran the cloth up and down Cherry’s back, just as he’d been over the last few days.

“You don’t have to be so cautious,” Cherry said. “It doesn’t really hurt anymore.” 

There was a nasty bruise that spread between his shoulders. Of course, his back had taken the brunt of the fall. Joe knew from experience that bruises tended to look worse as they got better. But even so…

“Yeah?” he asked, moving to soap Cherry’s arms. Then he took the showerhead and turned it on, washing the suds away. “You good to get the rest? Or do you need help?” 

“I’m perfectly capable,” Cherry answered, snatching the washcloth from Joe’s hand and lathering up his chest. Then he paused. “Thank you.” It was quiet, but Joe heard it. Still, he wouldn’t embarrass him by saying something as thoughtless as, ‘You’re welcome.’

Once Cherry was clean, Joe helped him into the bath and then turned off of the faucet. Cherry sighed, sliding down and resting his head on the tub’s rim. “And you wanted to put this off,” Joe said, watching as Cherry’s relaxed expression changed into a glare directed up at him.

“I was comfortable on the couch,” he said simply. “And now I’m comfortable here.” 

Joe hummed. “And when I try to move you to somewhere else comfortable, are you going to complain then?” 

Cherry closed his eyes again. “I’m not sure. I’ll decide later.” He shrugged.

“Well, let me know when you’ve come to a decision,” Joe said, standing back up and heading toward the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Cherry asked, cracking one eye open. “You promised you’d wash my hair.”

Joe swallowed. If he was honest, he was a bit concerned about that. Cherry had hurt his head. And even though Carla had informed him that a suitable amount of time had passed and it was safe to wash. Joe was still worried. 

“Wouldn’t you rather wash it yourself?” he asked.

Cherry sighed and held up his good hand, wiggling his fingers. “It’s a bit difficult, given my condition.” He said it the way Joe had been saying over the past five days. ‘Should you be doing that in your condition?’ ‘Why would you think to get up and walk around in your condition?’ And so on.

Joe wanted to eat those words. It wasn’t his fault he was the mother hen of their little group. Someone had to be. 

“All right,” he said finally. 

“I don’t know what you’re so nervous about,” Cherry said. “You’ve changed my bandages for me.” 

Joe scoffed. “I’m not nervous,” he replied, making quick work of removing the old bandage. It came away clean. That was a good sign. 

“Then why are your hands shaking?” Cherry asked. Joe stilled. Were they? And Cherry took the opportunity to move slightly in the tub, the water sloshing as he turned to face him. “What’s the matter?” he asked. “I know it’s been a few days, but my hair isn’t completely--”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Joe admitted, cutting him off. And it was true.

Cherry raised his eyebrows. “You?” He blinked. “I know I’ve called you a clumsy oaf in the past--”

“Earlier today,” Joe corrected.

“--but you’ve been more of a gentle giant lately,” he said. “Too gentle, sometimes,” he added with a smirk. “So, there’s no reason to worry.” Cherry faced away again, situating himself so he could rest his neck on the rim of the tub. He closed his eyes. “I trust you.”

Joe found the corners of his lips curving up in a fond smile. His Kaoru was something else. 

So, he reached for the showerhead and shampoo and carefully rinsed Cherry’s hair. “Wow, Kaoru,” he faked a gasp.

“What?”   

“I think you’ve got a family of raccoons living in here.” He only laughed harder when Cherry tried to splash him. In hindsight, maybe he should have changed out of his work clothes instead of just rolling up his sleeves. “I’m kidding. I’m kidding.” He gently ran his fingers through the damp strands. “Does it hurt anywhere?” 

Cherry shook his head. “Just a little sore and kind of itchy on the back.” 

Joe hummed again and got to work. It was a bit of a mess, but didn’t let Cherry know. And, honestly, he was glad he was doing this for him. It wouldn’t have been easy -- what with his condition and all -- And once the water ran clear again, Joe grabbed the bottle of shampoo. 

“That smells nice,” Cherry said as Joe worked it up into a lather. “That’s not the one you use.” 

“Are you saying my shampoo doesn’t smell nice?” Joe replied, rubbing soothing circles into Cherry’s scalp. 

“Yes,” he answered and Joe had a sudden urge to spray him right in the face. But Cherry’s eyes were still closed and he looked so relaxed. So peaceful. Joe couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

“If you must know,” Joe said, washing off his hands and moving to rinse Cherry’s hair. “I went out and bought this for you. Since you’ve been living on my couch for a week.”

“It hasn’t been that long,” Cherry retorted. And then, a beat later, he smiled. “Who helped you pick it out?”

Joe pursed his lips, the urge to change the angle of the showerhead’s spray rising before he tamped it back down. “The lady who runs the store,” he said. “I told her my girlfriend moved in and that she has very fine, temperamental hair.” He snickered.

Cherry finally opened his eyes again, shooting Joe a glare. “My hair is not temperamental.” 

Joe snorted. “That’s your only objection?” He shook his head. “Okay, all done.” 

“You’re not going to condition it?” Cherry asked, craning his neck. 

“No?” Joe replied. He picked up the bottle again. “It says it’s two-in-one.” 

Cherry groaned and slid further down into the water. 

“What?” Joe furrowed his brow. 

“Nothing,” Cherry answered. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to soak for a while.” 

Joe regarded him for a moment before standing up. “All right. I’m gonna get changed.” He paused in the doorway. “Don’t fall asleep in there.”

“No promises.”  

“Kaoru!” He ran a hand down his face and hurried to his bedroom. If he got dressed quickly enough, he could stop his idiot childhood friend from accidentally drowning himself.

Request a drabble here!

[whentherewerebicycles]

You seem to be really amazing at executing planned changes with food and exercise (and also generally better psychological habits) - can i ask for advice on this? I’ve finished up studying for now and realise my body has turned into a twisted up, pudgy, weakened wreck! Exercise hurts and sugar/processed food feels so cosy and I can’t seem to get through this part where i have to feel discomfort for a while before i feel better!

What works for you? Should i read that atomic habits book you mention? I saw another one recommended - the Kindness Habit - do you know anything about it?

(I tried journaling btw - but it didn’t get me anywhere)

hello!! i can share some things that have worked for me when it comes to implementing longer-term changes in diet and exercise. these seem really simple but i think that actually making big lifestyle changes is much less about summoning up colossal amounts of willpower and much more about making small but important tweaks to the way you think about/approach diet and exercise. here are five things that have been helpful to me.

(1) don’t think of diet changes in terms of restrictions (i.e., “what delicious cozy sugary things do i have to deprive myself of today to be Good”). instead, approach diet changes as a fun little game of adding in as many good things as possible (fruits, veggies, leafy green things, nuts of all kinds, whole grains, beans, etc.). every single time you are preparing a meal or looking for a snack, describe it to yourself as a chance to be creative and resourceful, as you think about fun ways to add in small good things every time you eat. especially in the early weeks, don’t restrict foods from your diet at all. focus solely on finding a creative way to add in something healthy and delicious every time you eat. (i really liked using the daily dozen checklist when i was starting out—they have an app and it’s very satisfying and fun to see how many things you can check off the list each day.)

(2) narrate this “adding-in” game aloud to yourself. for example: “oh—what if i eat a big handful of berries on top of that ice cream?”, or “i’m hungry—ooh, there are carrots in the fridge, aren’t there? i’ll eat three carrots with hummus before i switch over to pita chips”). and every time you figure out a creative way to add in a good food, stop and observe yourself doing it, and let yourself feel a little spark of delight at how clever and creative you’re being. this sounds silly, but i swear it works! part of changing your habits is changing self-talk & especially changing the kind of running narrative you have in your head about who you are and what you do. you can change that narrative in part by repeatedly reframing the way you tell it to yourself, ideally aloud (or aloud in your head) to help you can better “hear” and internalize the new story. instead of “ugh... i ate ice cream again. why don’t i have any self-control? why am i someone who just eats like crap?”, you’re offering your brain an alternate story, one that focuses less on things you perceive yourself as lacking, or on things you ‘failed’ to do, and more on the creative, positive things you did do (“i wasn’t going to eat any fruit today, but wasn’t it great that i remembered we had those frozen berries in the fridge? that’s pretty creative and resourceful of me, and plus it’s a good way to use up something i’d forgotten i even had”).

the “noticing and feeling delighted” part is just as important. to successfully change a habit, you need to find creative ways to make the new habit pleasurable in and of itself. the more pleasure you feel when you do it, the more self-reinforcing the habit itself becomes. you might not experience eating healthy foods as intensely pleasurable (at least at first, especially if you are comparing them with the intense brain-hacking pleasure that super sugary foods give us). so don’t try! instead, focus on making the choice a source of pleasure and delight. "look at how clever i was! look at how creative i can be! look at what a good choice i made! look at how good i am at this game of adding in!” that act of stopping, narrating, and letting yourself feel genuinely pleased with what you’ve just done makes the choice to add something in pleasurable, which in turn can help fuel your sense that this isn’t about having iron willpower or about cruelly depriving yourself of delicious things, but is about playing a fun little game with yourself, creating little challenges or puzzles for yourself throughout the day and then giving yourself positive reinforcement when you figure them out.

(3) manage your environment to set yourself up for success. to paraphrase the atomic habits book: the people who seem to have the best willpower are the people who have to exercise it the least. and they have to exercise it the least because they’ve very effectively managed their environment, arranging things so that the desired choices are easy and “frictionless,” while the undesired choices or habits are more inconvenient or introduce more friction (it’s harder to get to them).

the easy starter version of this (from atomic habits): put the things you want to eat in highly visible places and/or in appealing arrangements, and put the things you don't want to eat in places that aren't visible or that are inconvenient to access. ice cream goes in the very back of the fridge, buried behind all the other stuff. nuts go in a bowl on your desk so that you can idly snack on them while you work. apples and bananas go in a big brightly colored bowl right on the counter, so that every time you pass through the kitchen your eyes are drawn to them. chips go in the bottom cupboard, the one below eye level that you don't use very often, and when you get them out you pour some into a bowl and put them right back in there (instead of leaving the bag out on the counter). make the choice you want to make easy, and make the choice you don't want to make harder to get to.

eventually, the most effective way of managing your environment is just to exercise total control over what comes into your own living space. for me, if i don’t want to eat it, i don’t have it in the house. i typically also place a curbside delivery grocery order so that i don’t have to go into the store—anything that comes into my house is something i made a deliberate choice about ordering, not something i wandered by a shelf and added to my cart because i wanted a treat. something i’ve learned about myself over the years that moderation is just not in my vocabulary—i’m an all-or-nothing person, and it’s SO much easier for me to just not have stuff i don’t want to eat in the house. no ice cream in the house. no alcohol in the house. no fried things, no chips, no candy, etc etc. if someone kindly brings me baked goods that i did not ask for, i genuinely appreciate the gesture, but as soon as they leave i give them to my next door neighbor or dump them in the trash. (SORRY TO PEOPLE WHO BAKE FOR ME!) if it's in the house i'll eat it. if it's not, i won't, and i also won't miss it.

i did do this pretty gradually at first, though! when i switched to a primarily whole food plant-based diet, i focused on playing the adding-in game for a couple weeks, and then when i started getting competitive about it i decided to use my grocery order as a way of creatively boosting my fruit/veggie/etc consumption even more, and in the process i started winnowing out things that took away chances to add in a good thing. i would say it took about three or four weeks to get to my personal ideal state of Nope I Don't Have It In The House.

it takes time, but i’d say that within a month of having only things you want to eat in the house, your cravings will be gone, at least within your own managed environment (going to restaurants or traveling DOES require you to exercise willpower, but there are ways to prepare for this in advance). the good news, though, is that 6-8 months or so of eating like this usually brings with it such improved sleep, mood, energy levels, skin, hair, GI function, etc etc that you start to be like oh my GOD why would i want to eat that horrifying thing?? I KNOW HOW BAD IT MAKES ME FEEL!! I WANT TO POWER MY BODY WITH PLANTS!!!!! in other words, the pleasurable side effects of eating well becomes positively reinforcing in its own right, while the negative effects you experience when you reintroduce sugar or fried things tends to reinforce the idea that those foods Feel Bad.

(4) it's not exercise, it's movement. i too used to hate exercise and found it extremely painful and tedious and horrible. so instead of exercising i just started moving. i canceled my membership at the local dog bar, where i had been taking my dog almost every day to let him run off excess energy, and started talking short walks with him twice a day instead. if you don’t have a dog, offer to walk your friends’ dogs—trust me they will lose their MINDS with joy lol. i think that starting to build in regular walks is the best way to get active again, because walking is typically quite pleasant and it becomes positively reinforcing to like, wave at the same neighbors every day, and see the cute kids next door running around, and notice all the ways that the trees and flowers are changing, and so on.

if you do not find being outside inherently pleasurable (sometimes i do not lol esp if i’m grumpy about having to walk the dog), tie another pleasurable activity to your daily walk. i listen to about six hours’ worth of hockey podcasts a week and i am only allowed to listen to them on my walks, so i end up looking forward to the walk because i’m desperate to hear people talk about My Guys. you can also walk with friends, or call a friend while you’re walking, which is even better than podcasts!! social walks are so much fun and go by so much more quickly. i started out just doing daily 15 min walks, and over the past couple years have built up to walking between 60-90 min a day when i’m at home. sometimes i hate/dread my walk; sometimes i love it and look forward to it. but regardless of how i’m feeling, i do it every day and if i miss it once, i don’t miss it a second time. 

as far as activity goes, i think it’s totally ok to just be a person who walks a lot! but i’ve found that becoming someone who walked a lot helped change my own narrative of myself—I started to think of myself as a walker, an active person who moved a lot every day. and that made it easier to pick up other forms of activity too, or at least to adopt a curious, exploratory attitude towards other forms of movement. also once you start tracking your active minutes you tend to get quite competitive about it! or at least i do, lol. i keep a note on my phone where i write down the date + type of activity + total number of minutes I did after every burst of activity, then at the end of the week i add it all up and compare it to the previous weeks. it makes me want to do more, to beat my own numbers—or it makes me want to keep up a streak (like, if i have a five-week period where i’ve consistently hit a certain level of active minutes every week, i don’t want to break it!!).

my biggest suggestion for exercise, though, is to figure out what kinds of things you enjoy and what kinds of things you don’t, and then to spend all your time doing things you like. i HATE structured fitness classes and workout videos. i hate them so much!!!!!!!! but i love being outside, i love doing solo activities (as opposed to group workouts), and i love doing any form of movement that doesn’t feel like a Planned Workout, capital w. also becoming a hockey fan got me really interested in skating, so i picked up rollerblades and found that to be amazingly fun too (something i can do outside AND something that feels like gliding around effortlessly AND something that makes me feel closer to My Favorite Guys!!!!). you may not have passionate feelings about hockey fandom as i do, but i think it’s really just about being creative—finding a creative way to link something you don’t love to something you do love, or find pleasurable, so that you can start forging those positive associations. 

i spent my first couple years of being more active just walking walking walking, and then this past year during the pandemic when i really ramped up my movement i added in longer walks, hikes, and rollerblading, and i also looked for ways to “habit-stack,” ie attaching an activity i don’t much care for (running; exercise biking indoors; doing squats and lunges) to one i do enjoy (i take my tennis shoes when i go skating and then go for a run immediately afterwards, before i have time to talk myself out of it). there are still all kinds of things i don’t do—i really don’t love strength training + bodyweight exercises yet, and i hate stretching even though I Know I Should, and i know that if i want to get stronger and faster, or build up my endurance, i will eventually need to introduce some element of structured training into my daily movement.

BUT the idea of making those changes seems kind of cool to me now, instead of Horrifying and Dread-Inducing! i feel like all the positive associations i’ve forged have made me more curious and open to ideas i would’ve resisted with my whole being not all that long ago. i found a way to make movement pleasurable, and then (thanks to sports fandom + my tendency to go down research rabbitholes) i found a way to get myself intellectually and emotionally engaged in the general concept of being a highly active person. for me, that combination of real pleasure + intellectual/emotional stimulation is what i personally need to build & maintain good habits.

(also, just shoehorning this in at the end because i like it: the “it’s movement, not exercise” mindset shift was also really helpful to me because it stopped me from thinking of exercise as like, this highly structured, regimented, torturous thing you forced yourself through for a set period of time each day, and helped me instead think of movement as something that humans are designed to do & to naturally enjoy. instead of Forcing Myself to Exercise, i looked for more natural-feeling forms of movement that didn’t feel so artificially divided from my “real life.” i think that helped with reframing my self-narrative, too! it made being active feel more integrated into my daily life, which in turn made it easier to think of myself as an active person, someone for whom movement was just a normal part of daily life and not a thing i had to psych myself up to do every day.)

(5) it takes time to build good habits, but not nearly as much time as you might think, and eventually you stop thinking about how long you’ve been doing something and you just start enjoying it (ie it becomes a genuine change in your lifestyle/thinking, not an artificial thing you have to work hard every day to maintain).

i am not yet AN ATHLETE and may never be, but i often remind myself that it took me a little under 30 years to build up a PROFOUND aversion to exercise, so it’s actually kind of miraculous that in just two years i’ve become someone who genuinely, earnestly, enthusiastically enjoys being active and feels antsy/weird/restless when i can’t get out of the house and move. every small stride i’ve made has strengthened my trust in myself and helped me reframe the narrative i tell myself about what kind of person i am and what i do/don’t do. every time i do the thing (whether it’s exercising or making a delicious healthy dinner) & happily notice myself doing it, i reaffirm to myself that i’m the kind of person who takes care of my body and mind by eating well and spending lots of time moving outside. (as a side benefit, when i spend a lot of time happily noticing things and speaking encouragingly to myself, i also reaffirm to myself that i am a happy person who treats myself kindly and who is always eagerly seeking out experiences that feel joyful and life-affirming.)

plus, the more often you do something, the more opportunities you have to have positive experiences while doing it! not every walk is AMAZING, LIFE-CHANGING, DEEPLY FULFILLING, but like, if i am walking seven days a week, that’s seven opportunities for something cool or fun to happen on a walk (not to mention seven opportunities to reap all the physiological & emotional well-being benefits of exercise!!). and if i am really conscious and intentional about noticing and actively delighting in those positive experiences, i help wire in those positive associations more deeply, and my brain/body increasingly comes to associate movement with happiness, joy, and fulfillment. as the habit of being more active becomes fulfilling in and of itself, i don’t have to expend as much energy tricking or cajoling or bribing myself into doing it.

*

i hope this helps!! i am literally always happy to write extremely long essays in respond to simple anon questions, lol, so if you want to talk more about your own ideas for building better habits please do share!! i can also rec you specific books that i’ve found really useful—both for just like, helping me figure out how to make big changes, and also for providing that intellectual stimulation that gets me more engaged in wanting to eat well & be more active.

(also, on the extremely slim chance that you are also a hockey fan: over in my fandom sphere, we are organizing a fun summer thing inspired by one of our fave hockey players, where we’ll be planning lots of fun fannish community things to get ourselves moving this summer. it’s going to be a good time!!)

[rubix-writings]

Punisher Pt. 6

Sixth part of Punisher. Not a super exciting chapter, but it’s important. This is a Chicago PD/Fire imagine with an original character. I don’t own any of the plot points or characters from the show. Also, it doesn’t follow any particular season or sequence in the shows.

Series Summary: Josephine (Jo) never expected to find support and pure love when she left Los Angeles. She ran away to Chicago and was content with living an insignificant, hidden life. But everything changes when she walks into Molly’s to get a job.

Josephine (OC) x Jay Halstead

The italicized lines are internal thoughts of the character.

Warnings: language, mentions of drinking, mentions of a fight and harassment

Things have drastically changed in the days following the bar fight. Instead of Jay avoiding me, I avoided Jay. Whenever he came to the bar to order drinks, I immediately went to tables to grab empties and refills. Or when he walked over to close a tab I would find something to clean in the back. I know what you’re thinking and yes, it is childish and the worst way to handle things, but right now I don’t know what else to do. Honestly, I can’t think straight right now. Everytime I try to think through all the possibilities of a potential relationship between Jay and I my irrational thinking kicks in and I end up with an outcome that couldn’t possibly be correct. I can tell that I’m hurting Jay, that he was hurt after he spoke to me and I froze instead of reciprocating any sort of feelings. 

“Jo….Jo!.... Earth to Jo!”

“What, sorry?” I turn to Emily. 

“Can I get a refill please?” I move to grab the wine bottle and refill her glass.

“You okay Jo? You seem a little out of it today,” Silvie interjects.

“A little?” Emilly scoffs as she sips her wine.

“Just tired, I’ve had a lot of late shifts,” it’s not a complete lie. 

“You sure it doesn’t have to do with someone with a name that rhymes with Ray?” Emily jokes. 

“Em, please not today,” my body is exhausted, it can’t handle trying to explain the situation further. 

“You can talk to us, about anything,” Silvie reassures. 

“Yeah, I know I joke about it, but we’re here for you,” Emily agrees. The girls get up from the stools and move to the table with Matt and Cruz. What is wrong with me? I just need to not think about him and eventually things will go back to before I met him. I didn’t always know Jay Halstead, and the world still turned. 

“Hey Jo, can I get a beer?” Will asked. Of course, I really should look for a different job. I grab a beer from the fridge and pop to cap for Will. 

“Here yah go Will.”

“Thanks, can I ask you something?” 

“Um…” I stutter. “I guess it depends.”

“There’s this guy I know who likes this girl.” Will whispers. I glance back to the table he just came from, Natalie laughs as Maggie finishes telling a story. Ah, gotcha. 

“Alright.” I stop wiping down the counter and lean on my forearms so we can speak in a whisper.

“The girl is great, everyone likes her. But, she’s just had a major life change and he doesn’t want to be ‘taking advantage’ so to speak. But people can see that she very obviously has feelings for him too. What do you think he should do? Since you are a female.”

“Is that the only criteria you have?”

“You are also a bartender.”

“Whatever. Has this ‘guy’ made his feelings known to her?”

“Yeah, it’s shamefully obvious.”

“Good, he’s going to have to be patient. Since she just went through a major life change, she’s probably scared and doesn’t want to hurt him in the process.”

“Okay, is there anything he can do to help?” I take a deep breath and think hard for a minute. 

“I think the best thing he can do is to show her that he’s not going anywhere, that he’s willing to wait as long as she needs. Because there’s no telling how long that’ll be, so being reassured in that would help a lot,” Will nods and takes a sip of his beer.

“You see why I wanted a female bartender to talk about this with?” I roll my eyes. “Thanks Jo, really.” I smile at Will and go back to wiping down the counter. 

“Hey! Hey guys! Listen up!” Mouch runs into the bar with Trudy in tow. 

“Hey, hey! Listen to the man!” Hermann grabs everyone’s attention and Mouch nods in gratitude towards his best friend.

“Not everyone’s here…” Mouch looks around. It’s true, some of the firemen and Intelligence Unit - including Jay - are missing from the bar tonight. 

“Oh my God,” Trudy groans, “We’re renewing our vows!” The bar immediately erupts into joyous screams to congratulate the couple. I haven’t seen Trudy smile this big before, her cheeks must be hurting. The couple are herded into a giant hug from their friends and coworkers despite the objections. 

“Jo, get the champagne! We need to toast!” Hermann shouts and I start passing out champagne flutes. Once everyone has some champagne, Hermann stands on the ledge to make a speech. “These two lovebirds have stood the test of time not to mention life threatening events because of the love they share. I won’t get too sappy cause I don’t want Mouch to start crying, but the love you have is special. You can tell by the way you look at each other or the way you talk about each other. Not many people get to experience that, but I can’t think of two people who deserve it more. We’re excited to continue on this journey with you. Cheers!” Everyone yells out before taking a sip. The couple are bombarded with questions about the renewal and how they came to the conclusion. 

Hermann’s words swirl around my head, I want to be loved like that. I’ve only experienced harsh, painful love. Love that isn’t really love, more like imprisonment. 

****

The days leading up to the renewal were hectic, since Trudy enlisted my help early on. It wasn’t an ask either, she threw down some binders for food options and told me to pick what I think would be best. Of course I did as told, since Trudy scares the shit out of me, and ever since I’ve been her go-to girl. I would be lying if I said the entire planning process wasn’t fun, one day Trudy brought cake slices to the bar to test out. 

Currently, I’m fulfilling my last duties - transforming the bar. It feels right that Mouch and Trudy settled on the bar, it only took Hermann offering it up multiple times a day. The bar is empty as everyone has shifts today so they could get tomorrow off. It took me about an hour to move all the tables and stools around to provide a walkway for the ceremony. Once that was done, I took a break to lay on the floor since I never workout, but probably should start. But quickly, I realized my time crunch since I needed to run back home to get ready. The rest didn’t take long. Hermann brought over all the ironed out tablecloths before his shift, so I put those on the tables and booth tables that were left over after moving stuff around. I just started filling up vases with water for the flower arrangements when there was a knock on the door. Thinking it was Trudy coming to take a quick peek I didn’t think to look through the peephole first.

“Hey, I have some stuff Trudy needed to be dropped off,” Jay spews out quickly. Stunned by Jay’s presence, I silently move out of the way so he can enter. 

“How are you?” I force out.

“Good, ugh work’s been really hectic,” Jay puts the box of decorations on a covered table. “You?”

“Good. I somehow got roped into doing all this,” I move to look through the box. It’s filled with framed photos of Trudy and Mouch, including a photo from their wedding day. 

“Look, Jo. I’m really sorry about stepping in. I just… the guy had it coming,” I laugh.

“He did. But I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me. It’s not worth you losing your job.” 

“I would love to be able to stand here and tell you it will never happen again because I know that’s what you want to hear. But my only regret from that night was not stepping in sooner. And if I lose my job from punching out a guy who harasses and assaults you then so be it.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, I’ve wanted to tell you this sooner, but you’ve been avoiding me like the plague,” I cringe.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to go about everything afterwards so I just avoided it. I know I hurt you and I really am sorry.” Jay smirks and nods. 

“I should let you get back to all of this,” he moves his hands gesturing to the pure chaos behind me. “I’ll see you later.” My hands begin to shake. Say it, now. Go! Everything starts moving in slow motion, I want to tell Jay that I care. That I care for him and what happens to him, and the feelings I have are so confusing it’s infuriating. But it’s as if I’ve gone mute and my throat is too dry to speak.

“Wait!” I call out as Jay’s hand encompasses the door knob. He looks back at me, his blue eyes only make it harder for me to speak. 

“Yeah?” He questions as I stand there opening and closing my mouth trying to speak. He takes his hand off the door knob, and like magic my heart rate decreases and my vision finally begins to clear. 

“I could use some help here, if you’re free,” I stutter out. He smiles and slips off his coat. 

“Tell me where to start.”

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