#StuckInUniformDevelopment

[bishop-percival]

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

Mike received another text from Teddy around lunch time.

[text] Who’s your optometrist?

[text] I just know you’re not gonna like my answer.

[text] But I know a guy. Sure he’s a little shady but he does good work and I’m buds with him. I could introduce you.

[follwrshep]

Shep was always early to rise. To be late would be a mockery of the gorgeous daylight that glorn would soon ravage with his eternal darkness - and Shep simply couldn’t have that!

At 5AM sharp, the deacon sat down within the cafeteria and waited in silence; posture straight and fingers lightly drumming on the table.

In all honesty, part of their pilgrimage was to cleanse their mind of their.. relationship with Theodore. It claimed nothing remained - only fond memories and a friendship unafflicted. They were not a particularly good liar in that regard.

The back of their eye throbbed as they waited, clawing and crawling and pulling at their very mind until the time seemingly passed within a second.

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

[astronomicalwatchdog]

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

We’ve completed our research on sample 256. Where can we find the next highly corrosion resistant material? I can send the list of failures to filter them out.

Hello, Teddy. That is okay. I think I have found a new material for you to test. This one is promising; it has many properties that lead me to believe it is resistant to many harsh chemicals. It is called "Hesomek". This resource is located on several planets in this region, but the notable ones are "Tillso", "Gaiekmawn" and "Oridoeb".

I have a new pun for you. I made a new material that is resistant to chicken attacks. It is impeckable.

[albertbutyoucancallmebert]

Can you draw us something, Sherri Jr.?

i draw with my tail and. well it is so hard to draw.

[soldiersam]

The Tragic Accountant

It was a seemingly normal Slornday morning just like any other, and it was a few minutes before service was to start at the Glornch. Attendees were filing into the sanctuary and finding their seats in the pews.

Thomas was usually the last of the acolytes to arrive, and always chose to sit near the back. That morning, he was filled with more dread than usual. The past few weeks for him had been a rollercoaster of emotions, between gaining a new friend with Clay, a new hope in Gropism, a renewed fear of Glornism, and a possible enemy with Theodore, of all people. One thing was for sure, and it was that he'd rather be anywhere else but there. And yet, there he was.

Thomas’ dread was further compounded when he saw the fellow acolyte and wretched bully Sam sitting next to his usual seat. Thomas worriedly looked around for any other open spot, which was now trickier since the spectacle of Bishop Percival’s horrifying win against Commander Peepers drew more attention to Slornday services. Thomas spotted an empty seat next to some random watchdog, but before he could sit down, he felt the hood of his robe get tugged back.

“Hey c’mon Thomas pal, sit next to me!” Of course it was Sam.  

Thomas shuddered but put on a nervous smile. “O-okay!” He complied and sat down with Sam to prevent being tugged around more. 

“Uhm, why aren’t you sitting next to Amy? L-like usual?,” Thomas asked as he pointed toward the front.

Sam shrugged. "She’s mad at me. So I figured I’d sit next to my second bff, Thomas.”

“Second bff?,” Thomas repeated curiously. “Heh, but, y-you’re always saying how much you hate me, always making fun of me for being a friendless loser, always explaining in graphic detail all the ways you could kill me and—”

He was cut off when Sam put one arm around Thomas’ shoulders and pulled him close to give the top of his head a noogie.

“Are ya stupid? How long have you been a Glornist and still don’t know that’s just the way we speak ‘round here? ‘I hate you’ practically means ‘I love you!’ I give ya a tough time to harden you up! It’s what we’re supposed to do.” 

Thomas squirmed out of Sam’s grip and readjusted his red hood. “O-oh, well, it’s just-”

He was again interrupted when Sam slapped a hand to Thomas’ mouth. “Shh! It’s starting!”

🗲

The Most Reverend Bishop Percival ascended the pulpit and tapped the microphone on the podium within. He seemed a bit stern and lacked his usual playful energy. He’d been this way since losing his mitre.

“Salutations everyone, it’s my displeasure to welcome you all here this wretched Slornday morning into our mighty Church of Glorn. Today we’ll be holding our usual worshiper confessions, followed by my sermon titled “How You Can Harness Glorn’s Righteous Cruelty.” Following that is the historical discourse delivered by Reverend Mike titled,” Percy sighed as if he was bored from the mere title, “The Rise of the Intergalactic Mazka Empire Under Glornism and its Fall Under Gropism.”

“We will now begin with our commencement bows and claps. For you new faces among us, feel free to join in or simply observe.”

The Bishop led the congregation through the customary bowing and clapping, then wrapped up commencement with a prayer. Once he said ‘amen’ he sprang his head up and clasped his hands together.

“Alrighty, let’s begin our worshiper confessions, shall we? Any volunteers to start us off?”

Almost every Slornday, Sam was the first to shoot her hand up and go. But this morning, she stayed quiet and put. Thomas definitely noticed this unfamiliar behavior. Did Sam not do anything too evil this week and was reluctant to go? That didn’t seem like Sam… 

So Thomas sat wondering what could be going on as each appointed member of the congregation took turns proudly confessing their sins. Bishop Percival even let a few non-initiated congregants who had been regularly visiting give it a go. While the non-initiated were technically allowed to partake in confession, they weren’t required to like the initiated were. Percival usually ignored them as he thought they were often boring. 

Finally, the Bishop recognized the morning’s confession session was winding down, but he felt like he was forgetting some members. “Now who hasn’t gone yet?”

He squinted and scanned the audience before spotting his answer, sitting together. Ah, right, Thomas and Sam. Well the Bishop knew he’d pick Sam to confess over Thomas any day, so he excitedly pointed at him.

“Ah, Slimy Sam! Where’ve you been all morning? Get on up here and indulge your slimy sins to Glorn and us!”

Sam slowly rose from the pew and gave a bow. He spoke with eloquence unbecoming of him. “Respected Bishop, I must forewarn that my confession this morning is going to be quite unconventional. You see, instead of confessing my own sins, I wish to tell you about a grievous misdeed a fellow acolyte committed on his behalf.”

“Huh? What’re you talking about?,” Percy replied. 

“I wish to report the crimes of Thomas.”

Thomas’ eye widened with alarm. “O-on my behalf? But I’m right here! A-and I haven’t really done anything outside of my usual stuff…”

Sam looked at him. She bent down and retrieved a small business suitcase from under the pew. She then grabbed Thomas’ arm and pulled him to stand up.

“Whatever. May we come up to the pulpit, Bishop Percival?”

Percy figured it’d be fine to hit two birds with one stone to finally wrap up the confessions. “I’m annoyed, confused, and a little intrigued. Sure, get on up here you two,” he granted.

Thomas stumbled behind the confidant acolyte as they dragged him down the aisle. “S-Sam, what’re you doing? I really don’t have anything interesting, you can take your own turn..,” he whispered as he futilely tried to tug his arm out of Sam’s grip.

Sam didn’t reply to Thomas, but just smiled and continued forward. Thomas tried to run through positive scenarios in his head to give this situation yet another pathetic, flimsy benefit of a doubt. Maybe it was just another prank that was hopefully harmless in the end. Or maybe… What if Sam was trying to glamorize Thomas’ sins to help up his approval with Bishop Percival? If that was the case, maybe Sam… Did consider him a friend?

But upon catching a glimpse of Theodore on his way up to the pulpit, all wishful thoughts immediately flushed from Thomas’ head as he remembered their encounter at lunch a few days ago. 

Thomas was too nice. Too weak. Too naive. And the most likely to be sacrificed. Who was he kidding? Sam wasn’t dragging Thomas up there to help him, nor were they his friend. He knew full well he was being brought before the congregation to be exposed as a miserable Gropist. Just one slip up in front of Theodore really had led to this so quickly, huh?

It was hard to focus on thinking about ways to escape this situation when Thomas was so panicked. And before he knew it, he was up in the pulpit, Sam on his right still holding his arm in a vice grip, Bishop Percival on his left, and the entire congregation staring at him. 

Sam set the suitcase on the lectern and tapped the microphone. 

“Wicked freaks of the congregation, Thomas here has been holding out on us. He has been deceitful. The unfortunate thing is, however, his crime has not been Glorn-honoring. In fact it’s us who’ve been deceived!”

A smile creeped across the Bishop’s face as he tilted his head. “Oh? How so?”

Thomas was shaking and sweating. The entire time Sam was talking, he was praying to Grop. Silently, of course, as Theodore suggested. But… It just didn’t feel right. Being silent felt hopeless. Thomas then remembered something he read from the Gospel of Grop (or the Grospel, if you will.) It was an account of a disciple who, when surrounded and persecuted by adversaries, loudly proclaimed their faith in Grop. In turn, Grop granted them a miracle and allowed the disciple to escape safe and sound. It gave Thomas a sliver of hope. It was his last resort.

So when Percival asked ‘how so,’ before Sam could sling her accusation that she’d been looking forward to for weeks, Thomas shouted at the top of his lungs,

“Grop, allow me to survive these demons unscathed and you will gain a devout disciple!”

He then immediately sucker punched Sam in the face. While Thomas was by no means a strong watchdog, the surprise of it all made Sam let go while they recoiled. Freed, Thomas clambered on top of the lectern, over the railing to jump down from the pulpit, and made a beeline for the door. The audience, and surprisingly Bishop Percival, did nothing as they watched the heretic flee in shock. 

And Thomas actually made it out of the Glornch! Uncontested! It was a miracle! But it wasn’t over just yet. He still had to flee far, far away from the Skullship.

“Thank you, Grop! Thank you!,” he shouted as he continued running for the ship’s hangar.

🗲

Back in the Glornch, while the audience was abuzz about what just happened, Bishop Percival looked to Reverend Miriam sitting at the organ. She felt his gaze and looked back at him. He silently gestured his head toward the door. The priestess knew what that meant; she had a target to hunt down. She quietly got up and slipped through the main vestry door to take a back way out of the Glornch. 

The Bishop then turned to Sam. “Ya alright there?”

Sam finished rubbing his eye. “Pff, yeah. Like being punched by a butterfly or something.”

He then angrily gripped his fists onto the lectern, losing his previous eloquence. “Damn it! I was so excited to grill and expose that dumbass myself!” He gestured at the suitcase. “I even got like, criminalizing evidence on his laptop I stole. And Deacon Cyrus helped me get audio of him shit-talking the Glornch! All of that just for him to admit it himself and run away…”

Percival gave a reassuring smile. “Haha, ah, well rest assured Big Top Thomas will be held accountable for his heresy. We will not let Glorn be insulted like this!” He then placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “Regardless, thank you for bringing it to our attention, Slimy. And I would still like to hear that audio. Later, though. This situation is the perfect segue into my sermon!”

The Bishop nudged Sam’s shoulder toward the pulpit stairs. They dejectedly sighed and grabbed the suitcase before slinking back to their seat. 

“Well! What an interesting start to our morning, huh folks? The rest of today’s mass will explain precisely why fools like Thomas who try to defy Glorn bring nothing but shame and suffering to themselves.”

The Bishop placed a Glorble on the lectern and opened it up to commence his lecture. And Slornday mass continued on. 

🗲

Just as service wrapped up and attendees were filing out of the Glornch, Reverend Miriam returned to it. She entered through the secret back way which she had left from, out of sight from the leaving crowds. In her arms was an unconscious Thomas. 

When Thomas had gotten to the hangar, workers and guards barred him from taking any hovercycles or saucers since he didn’t have the proper clearance or authorization to do so. And unfortunately, “I’m wanted dead by the Glornitsts!” wasn’t valid enough.

Miriam had tracked Thomas to the hanger with her scrying. When she made it there herself, she found him patiently filling out a saucer request form in a quiet corner. Needless to say, it wasn’t a hard feat to knock him out by surprise and take him back. 

The priestess made her way into the depths of the Glornch, winding her way through dark twisting halls and stairwells to arrive at their very own secret dungeon. She gently laid Thomas on the floor of a cell and cuffed his hands. She stood over him and gave a small prayer to Mother’s Eye, asking her to forgive not Thomas, but Miriam herself, for aiding in the likely-death of yet another watchdog. 

“...But I’m sure you understand by now that it’s necessary,” the priestess concluded her prayer with. After that, she stepped out of the cell, closed and locked the metal bar door, and took one last look at the unconscious Thomas.

“...Dumbass,” Miriam muttered as she turned and made her way to Bishop Percival’s office to let him know their prey was caught.

[eyeballcommander]

Do you have a favorite watchdog? If not, who's your least favorite on the ship?

Hank, hands down! He's proven that he has my back no matter what!

...Although I haven't seen much of him for awhile. Heh, if I didn't know better I'd think he's avoiding me!

...

Teddy's also a pretty cool guy. The CAPT Project's been making great progress lately so I've been dropping by more! Love how he skips the nonsense and tells me exactly what I need to know. And he's always going above and beyond.

Don't tell him this but he's more of a work friend than a friend.

My least favorite is-- without a doubt-- Andy. That useless bastard never does his job! Heck, he's probably half of why Wander and Sylvia keep breaking in!

And the rat's the nosiest guy I've ever met! He'd dig up anything if it meant getting five seconds of fame on his stupid vlog! I wish I could take that shoddy camera of his and bash his face in with it!

[gloria-in-excelsis-infimus]

@soldiersam

(Previous)

Autumn continued to stroke their chin in thought as they attentively listened to Gloria.

“Sabotaging Bishop Percival? But who..,” she trailed off as she glanced at Theodore.

They folded their arms. “Well, here’s what I remember after service. Of course His Excellency was the first to leave, as usual. But then I saw him come back and take Mike away.” 

“Then after Mike left, a lot of the noninitiates started to leave. By that point, I briefly retreated into the hallway to grab a broom and dust pan. And when I came back, I no longer saw Theodore, Sam, and, well, most of everyone really.”

She looked up as she pondered something. “....It couldn’t have been Sam, could it? The two were working together, pretty successfully at that it seemed, so it wouldn’t make sense for her to attack him… Plus, Sam usually follows Bishop Percival’s orders to a T.”

“I haven’t the slightest clue..,” Gloria forlornly said as she followed Autumn’s gaze to Teddy. “An outsider? Or..” She scanned the hallway while dropping to a hushed whisper. “...is there another rat among us?”

She let Autumn finish before shaking her head. “It's as you said. Not only does Sam lack a motive but they have every reason to keep her hands off. Even if their partnership broke down they’re well-aware of how Percy would take a delay.”

Gloria sighed as she looked back at their teddy bear again. “If only he didn't stubbornly insist on keeping the truth to himself…” Then she stepped back into her room and smiled.

“Well! As much as I’d love to stay and chat, I should get this done before he pulls another disappearing act.” She slowly pulled the door shut while waving at Autumn. “Toodaloo~! Please be a dear and keep me updated!”

With that the door clicked as the automatic lock activated and Autumn was left alone in the hall. After a brief pause there was soft clunk, a telltale sign of the deadbolt being turned.

[tailorgiuseppe]

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

[txt]

May I please have the pattern for the Glornists' robes?

Preferably a digital copy for printing.

[txt]

I draft those patterns myself you know.. I do not wish to simply give them out for free, even to my dearest friends and colleagues, i hope you understand.

[watchdogsworld]

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

A Ponzi scheme (/ˈpɒnzi/, Italian: [ˈpontsi]) is a form of fraud that lures investors and pays profits to earlier investors with funds from more recent investors.[1] Named after Italian businessman Charles Ponzi, this scheme misleads investors by either falsely suggesting that profits are derived from legitimate business activities (whereas the business activities are non-existent), or by exaggerating the extent and profitability of the legitimate business activities, leveraging new investments to fabricate or supplement these profits. A Ponzi scheme can maintain the illusion of a sustainable business as long as investors continue to contribute new funds, and as long as most of the investors do not demand full repayment or lose faith in the non-existent assets they are purported to own.

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

Good thing my new friend Ponzi has nothing to do with all that.

[freddythewatchdog]

(StuckInUniformDevelopment) We're allergic to pineapple.

...Huh. So it's not just the stomach acid-like stuff you were talking about?

[bishop-percival]

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

Mike received a text around lunch time.

[text] Would it be a good or bad idea to share locations with each other?

[text] Like phone location sharing or something? I think that's a great idea.

[follwrshep]

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

Shep, why did you try to steal from Giuseppe?

Go hit up a mega store with employees too underpaid to care.

(´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

I WANTED NICE FABRIC!!!! BUT GLORNISTS ARE BANNED FROM THE WORKSHOP!!! I WOULD HAVE LEFT MONEY!!!!!!!!!!1!1!!

[wickedcooldog]

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

It seems like it'll go well so I'd like to propose a new bet:

48 Haterzoids if the planet falls within 7 1/2 minutes from when the Skullship first lands. And you still leave me alone until Thursday.

Hmmm... like, I wanna say yes buuut I don't think I have that much...

@eyeballcommander

Hey Peepers! You got 36 Haterzoids!?

[candbrp]

The cultists thankfully don’t protest to it, but the quiet one and the aggressive one keep an eye on Teddy to make sure he doesn’t try to run again.

After making sure everything was still set up properly, the lead cultist takes their dagger and they plunge it into the Otter’s heart.

[albertbutyoucancallmebert]

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

If I made a new set of gloves and boots would you wesr them?

well. i would wear them some times. but i would not enjoy it. my paws like to be free.

[soldiersam]

@stuckinuniformdevelopment

(prev) …So Thomas didn’t even cyberbully z-list internet celebrities? Theodore awkwardly shifted. That was… Wow. No amount of storytelling tips could help if he couldn’t even come up with a more impressive lie. Theodore was about to suggest at least saying that he harassed people offline when Thomas started to pray. Then his pupil shrunk to a pinprick at the sound of Grop’s name and he froze while staring directly at Thomas. Eventually he shook his head. While he spoke he carefully wrote a note with his left hand. “You’d need to outbid Gloria. Don’t try that.” A tremble interrupted him when he recalled what Mike had said about what happened to those who tried to leave. “You’d die…” Theodore remained silent as he finished his note. Then he tore out the page and set it in front of Thomas. It said, “Tell them what happened to her and they may help.” Following that was a nurse named Eve Lightyear and the ward she was stationed at, along with the name and planet of the only Gropist church he had set food in. There was one last line at the bottom, “Digitalize & destroy the original ASAP.” As he got up he whispered, “Learn to pray silently before you end up like Dawn.” Then he nudged his untouched smoothie towards him as a consolation prize. “Please don’t mention this conversation to anyone.” He paused. That wasn’t reassuring. But it still needed to be said. “Sorry…” With that Theodore scanned his surroundings for any prying ears before vanishing into the crowd. If only he could do more… Yet he knew that he couldn’t afford to be seen with Thomas again.

The note tearing caused Thomas to lightly flinch. He started to glance it over until Theodore whispered to him about praying silently before referencing Dawn’s demise. 

Thomas’ eye widened like a deer in headlights. He remembered Dawn as the talk of the Glornch after Shep managed to murder her for being a Gropist. His body froze up and he could only stammer “o-o-okay” in response to Theodore’s request to keep quiet. The “sorry” did not ease this anxiety. 

He wearily nodded at Theodore’s departure. Then once he was out of sight, Thomas dropped his head onto the table again and resumed crying.

FUCK. SHIT! Theodore, a Glornist, not only heard him say he wanted to leave the Glornch when he let his guard down out of despair, but also heard him pray to Grop! 

Of course, Thomas was also confused by Theodore’s helpful advice. And his helpful warning about being on the chopping block. And his really nice helpful hug and back pats. But… What if it was all mind games!? What if Theodore had actually been stalking rather than checking up on Thomas for the past week or so? And what if his warning wasn’t a warning, but a threat? And all the nice stuff was just a front?

He just didn’t know what to do. Thomas tried to eat the rest of his tofu burger hoping that’d calm him down. He took a few bites, but he wasn’t hungry any more. He looked at Theodore’s note again, but a lot of it had smudged when he cried directly on top of it. He put it in his pocket thinking maybe he could salvage it later. And he certainly wasn’t going to drink that smoothie. It was probably poisoned or something, maybe. 

So Thomas left it on the table as he got up to throw his lunch out. But then he returned to throw out the smoothie too. The guilt of letting someone else drink it to be possibly poisoned outweighed the guilt of wasting a full smoothie. He then left the foodcourt to try to calm down in his bunk before he had to go back to work.