#Stede makes it as a surprise for Ed because Ed had been checking out the collars they had in the shop and admiring Stede’s lace

[nicnacsnonsense]

I had an idea for an understated but beautiful collar for the Leather and Lace AU, but have no skills with which to draw it and share my vision :(

[is-the-snake-video-cute]

I've asked before about some of the dumbest or silliest things your snakes have done, but let's flip that around! What are some of the cleverest things you've caught your snakes doing? An "oh, wow, I didn't know you could do that" moment?

Ooh, fun question!

My Mexican black kingsnake Ed is probably the smartest snake I have right now, it's really cool to work with him on training because it just clicks for him. When we work on target training he knows he has to touch the target with his nose to get his treats, so if I'm taking too long he'll tap it repeatedly to make sure it takes. It's super cute and just proves he knows exactly what he's doing.

My little Cali king Viago is super food-motivated, and recently he did something that kinda surprised me. He's bad for mistaken feeding bites, so I always use lots of strong-smelling hand sanitizer before handling him. He was checking out my fingers, as usual, and he just gently opened his mouth, didn't even bite down, just checked out one finger to make sure it wasn't food, then went to the next one and kept doing it until he'd checked all of my fingers! It was so methodical it really took me by surprise - he was really going "hmm, this one isn't food...what about this one?"

My Trans Pecos ratsnake Stede has assigned himself a dedicated "handling branch." He likes to hang out and bask on one particular branch, and when I'm opening his doors for a handling session, he gets down to his little ledge and waits. It took me months to realize he goes to the same spot every time! I guess when he was younger I usually picked him up from that ledge, and in his mind he made the connection "this ledge = time to go out and explore," so now he just goes there whenever he's expecting some handling time. It's great for both of us because it lets me know he's in the mood to come out, too!

Hobie the Borneo python has been checking out his climbing branches more, and the way he's figuring out which ones can support his weight fully has been really fun to watch. He's so very careful with slowly adding his weight as he climbs, and so meticulous about getting himself anchored on something else so he won't fall. He had a climbing branch fall under him once and he's making sure that never happens again!

[bemusedlybespectacled]

Minor tangent but I have seen a specific criticism of OFMD multiple times that's along the lines of "the problem was the first three episodes being too dark and gritty instead of being our fluffy kind gay show."

And I strongly disagree with that criticism.

Like, Season 1 already had its dark and gritty moments. It was never 100% fluffy. Everything Ed does at the end of 1x10 (throwing Lucius overboard, cutting off Izzy's toe, marooning the crew, and kidnapping Jim and Frenchie) is the most obvious example, but there are others: Stede's experiences as a child, Ed's abusive father, Jim's family's murder. All of them are shown to still be affected years later in a way that impacts how they interact with other people, which is why it's emotionally satisfying when they find love despite it.

Addressing the events of the S1 finale in the first couple of episodes of S2 was vital. It solidifies just how devastated Ed is and how that devastation has affected everyone else, both negatively and positively, for a given value of "positive" (the Kraken crew is clearly closer as a result of their shared trauma). The scenes showing how being part of Stede's crew changed them for the better (talking to and hugging Izzy, Jim telling Fang the wooden boy story with the voices, etc.) were absolutely necessary and arguably the strongest parts of the show, and I don't think we would have had that if the stakes weren't so high. "Ed is a bit mopey sometimes, but it's not that bad!" just doesn't have the same oomph.

Had they pulled a Last Jedi and started 2x01 by throwing away all that build up from 1x10 and making a joke about it, it would have been a poorer show. The times when darker things were treated as a joke (Lucius' experience after being thrown overboard), flat-out ignored (Stede's fairly obvious anxiety disorder), or blown past because of time constraints (Ed getting voted off the ship and then reinstated as part of the crew within a day) were when the show was weakest.

The problem, of course, is that once you've acknowledged that impact, you need to keep acknowledging it. It needs to continue having an impact. And you can't do that if you don't have the time to explore it because you need to skip ahead to the part where everything's fine now.

I'm not saying that they needed to fully shift gears and stop being a comedy entirely. I think S1 threaded the needle pretty well in terms of balancing the conflict with humor. Like, Ed has a breakdown in the bathtub over murdering his father and what a horrible person he is and his plan to kill Stede, and none of that is a joke; the joke is when Stede checks to make sure Ed isn't going to kill him. The sad stuff can be taken seriously and we can still have humor to break the tension! We can do it! We have the technology!

But you can't have a serious thing happen for the sake of growth and then hand wave it away later when it's inconvenient. And you definitely can't introduce ways to break that tension (surprise, Stede is alive because he used This One Weird Trick!) and then not use it when it's inconvenient (surprise, Izzy is alive because he– oh, wait, no, he's dying for realsies).

The issue wasn't the show having dark and gritty bits at all. The issue was the lack of time for those dark and gritty bits to do their fucking job: being a catalyst for personal and relationship growth in a way that actually matters to and affects the story.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Another 1K fic request for you if you have the time. I am absolutely loving your spicy fics where Ed is trans and it got me thinking of him and Stede having their first time and Stede isn't sure how Ed likes to be touched, but he wants him to feel so good, so he whispers into Ed's ear with a voice like silk, "Show me how to touch you. Show me how to make you feel good, darling." And Ed's brain just short circuits for a second because no one has ever turned him on so much or treated him with such care and attention. As soon as he asks Stede to slip his fingers inside him, he's done for. 🥵

This was just the inspiration I needed to get some writing done today!! The pwps I've been working on haven't been wanting to cooperate but this was just what the doctor ordered.

very nsfw below the cut!

--

Stede didn’t falter until Ed started working his jeans down his thighs.

Now, just because Stede was new in the gay dating scene, Ed might’ve once expected him to be a timid lover. But they’d been dating for long enough that he knew better, and all he could do was sit back and let the full force of Stede’s loving enthusiasm hit him head- on.

That was why it was almost a bit more surprising when Stede paused, his hand warm on Ed’s bare thigh, his eyes flicking from Ed’s boxers to his face.

Ed should’ve guessed Stede was too good to be true, probably.

“It’s alright,” he said, trying to laugh it off, trying not to look hurt. “It’s okay, we don’t have to.”

“No, sweetheart, no,” Stede hurried to say, kissing his cheek. “You’re perfect.”

Ed pursed his lips. 

“I just…” There it was, again, that hint of hesitance. “How do I make you feel good?”

“It’s not complicated,” Ed said, trying to force himself to relax down against the sheets. “You’ve got a cock, I’ve got a hole. You just stick it on, it’s hardly rocket science.”

“That wasn’t what I asked, Ed.” Stede kissed Ed’s cheek, then along his jaw, then down his throat, and Ed gasped when Stede got the sensitive skin there between his teeth. “I didn’t ask how to fuck you. I can figure that out myself. I asked how I can make you feel good.”

Ed’s brain had been doing a pretty amazing job of functioning, considering Stede was standing there in front of him all hot and shirtless, but at that it went completely offline.

Stede loved him. Stede wanted to make him feel good. He was never just arm candy or a hole to fuck, not to Stede.

“I…” Ed swallowed, loud in the quiet, his fingers shaking as he clenched at the bedsheets.

“It’s alright, love.” Stede’s voice was quiet in his ear, sending an electric- hot shiver down his spine. “Show me how to touch you. Show me how to make you feel good, darling.”

“I - yeah,” Ed managed, barely, quickly shoving his boxers down his legs. He was wet already, of course, just the feeling of Stede kissing him and the promise of more making him dripping wet, and he gasped softly as he was exposed to the cool air.

“Gorgeous, gorgeous man,” Stede said, keeping a comforting hand on Ed’s thigh as he situated himself between Ed’s legs. “Aren’t you beautiful?”

“You don’t have to say that,” Ed whispered. “I know my body isn’t what a lot of guys want.”

“I said it because I mean it,” Stede assured him, soothing a thumb along the sensitive skin of Ed’s inner thigh. “You’re the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen.”

There were goosebumps, rising up on Ed’s arms.

“Is that okay?” Stede checked, a trace of nervousness playing along his face. “If you don’t want me using those words to describe you, just let me know, okay?”

“I like them,” Ed admitted softly.

“That’s perfect, then,” Stede said with a relieved smile. “My gorgeous boy.”

Ed moaned, his head tipping back.

“You’re amazing, precious. Just perfect.” Stede got a hand on Ed’s other thigh, gently encouraging him to spread his legs open for him. “Can you show me how you like to be touched, please, love?”

Slowly, Ed lowered a hand to swirl a finger around his straining little cock, already rock-hard just from Stede’s attention and praise. He dipped a finger around his hole to bring some of his wetness up to ease the slide, his head tipping back in pleasure.

He was so turned on that the pleasure was almost sharp, and his head tipped back, helpless whimpers falling from his lips -

“Gorgeous,” Stede whispered again. “Can I…?”

Ed pulled his fingers away, returning his hand to a helpless fist in the sheets. “Please, Stede, please -”

“Shh, precious, it’s okay,” Stede said. “I’m going to take care of you, sweet man.”

Yeah. Ed had no doubts at all about that.

Stede held him open, for just a moment, admiring his dripping hole and bracketing his hard cock with his fingers, muttering a soft gorgeous as Ed’s hips moved of their own volition, rutting unevenly against his touch.

And then he touched him, and he’d been paying attention, because his first hesitant rubs around his cock turned quickly into confident pressure, stroking him just how he liked. Past the pleasure, Ed could tell Stede was honing in on his every little reaction, his whines and groans and the way his hips bucked up into his fingers, until Ed’s inner thighs were shaking and he was a trembling mess underneath him.

“Perfect,” Stede praised, and - 

Fuck, but no one had ever touched Ed like this. No one had ever treated him like such a treasure before.

“Stede,” Ed practically sobbed. “Please, Stede, give me a finger, need you inside, please -”

“Of course, love,” Stede said, his voice gentle and unquestionably adoring, and he kept rubbing Ed’s cock as he teased his hole for just long enough to make Ed squirm before so, so gently pressing a finger inside.

Ed clenched around it frantically, his mind blanking at the overwhelming pleasure, and Stede fucked him shallowly with it before giving in to his needy whimpers and easing in another.

“That’s it, precious,” Stede praised, looking between Ed’s blissed- out face and watching his fingers disappear into Ed’s hole. “You open up so beautifully for me. Best thing I’ve ever seen, you stretched around my fingers -”

With a shout, Ed came, harder than he thought he had in his life, clenching around Stede’s fingers and overwhelmed tears falling down his face as Stede fucked him gently through it.

“Amazing, Ed,” Stede said, pulling his fingers from him and leaning forward to kiss him. “Just perfect.”

Ed grinned, feeling so in love he was nearly drunk with it, and he gently caught Stede’s bottom lip between his teeth. “Your turn.”

[avastyetwats]

I've Got You

@izzyeffinhands

Gone again.

Stede lets out a quiet sigh upon finding an empty bed inside of Izzy's quarters, but the Captain isn't surprised. Israel Hands was not the type to stay in bed even when ordered. Even when it was what he needed after having been shot. The first several days that followed he had no choice but to stay in bed, but now that he was able to move about, he made sure to move. Far too much than he was allowed to and should, Stede thought with another sigh before he turned and exited the room, determined to find his First Mate and make sure he was alright.

Because with his injury, overdoing it was still a high possibility. Exhausting himself to the point of collapsing, causing the wound to come open with enough strenuous activity (though it was healing beautifully, thankfully), and causing himself so much pain he couldn't even make it back to bed. All of those possibilities filled Stede's mind and filled his gut with dread and fear. He'd almost lost the man he came to respect and care for and he didn't want to go through that again.

More importantly, he didn't want Izzy to go through that again.

The crew had done an incredible job taking care of him and though Stede was captain, he was often found helping take care of Izzy in whatever way he could. Checking in on him, helping to change his bandages, even annoying the man with a story or two while he sat in bed, but there was one night where Izzy admitted to enjoying Stede's company and that made him feel good...happy, really. Very happy.

Because he enjoyed Izzy's company just as much. He found himself wanting to be around him more, wanting to be close, in the same way he once wanted to be near Ed... especially seeing a softer, kinder side of Izzy.

Perhaps a part of it was also because he had saved Stede's life. The gun had been aimed for him, but Izzy took the hit. He got injured because of Stede... could have died because of him, or so he felt and so Stede wanted to do everything he could to help him in return.

But having nearly lost Izzy...

Stede has to take in a deep breath to stop himself from becoming emotional about it again. He's alive. He's here. He's okay. That's what matters.

Along with finding him and convincing him to rest and Stede had just the thing in mind for him. He'd be taking care of Izzy tonight, had it all planned out and everything.

Thankfully it hadn't taken the Captain long to find him. In fact, it was the first place Stede looked - at the front of the ship with the still headless unicorn statue. It seemed to be one of Izzy's favorite spots, Stede came to notice. Their current unicorn with the ship's former.

"Ah, here you are!" Stede exclaims, announcing his presence so he doesn't startle the other. "Had feeling you'd be out here when I went to your room and, surprise, found it empty." His words sound like a scold, and in a way they are, but there's also a bit of playful sass to them. "I know you don't want to hear this, Izzy, but you really should come in and rest. You've been moving around since this morning and I think it's time to come tuck it in. Come with me, hm?"

There's concern in his voice, and in his eyes, as he looks over the man perched on the side. Stede's eyes look him down and up as though making sure he's well and tonight, well... he just really wants to take care of him. Because Stede knows this hasn't been just physically tough on Izzy, but emotionally and mentally as well.

[something-about-sunflowers]

Anyway! Have some rambling about an AU I thought of in my discord server a while back (mostly just gonna copy/paste it lmao):

Ed's super into paranormal shit, runs one of those youtube channels that reads stories/shows videos of hauntings/etc. He desperately wishes for something paranormal to happen to him. His best friend/fwb/'whatever they got going on', Izzy, is a skeptic.

Ed's new boyfriend, Stede, insists that he's a medium and that there's something haunting Izzy's house. Izzy always has an explanation though. (The lights are flickering because the place is old as shit and the electricity is shot. There are cold spots because the windows are drafty and the house isn't well insulated The creaks and thumps are the house settling or animals in the crawl-space. Etc.)

Ed calls him a buzz-kill but ultimately lets him be with his explanations until something happens that could have legit hurt Izzy (Honestly not sure what yet, maybe something falls that shouldn't have been able to or he gets locked in the basement all night in the middle of winter? Something like that.) and Ed is worried so he asks his other friend, Jack (who has his own youtube channel, where he does paranormal investigations as a medium), to come over and have a look to see if he can help.

Izzy thinks they're all full of shit but Jack agrees to not record it for his channel so Izzy lets Ed have this because 'I care about you Iz. I know you don't believe in all this shit but I'm worried and it would just make me feel better, letting you keep staying in this place, if someone came and looked at it.' and Izzy can't say no to that.

Izzy's surprised Jack isn't more like Ed (who's got the whole goth aesthetic) or Stede (who's got the whole 'white gay appropriating other people's cultural myths for clout' vibe) but just a normal (if a little frat-like) dude.

Jack's understanding of him being a skeptic and doesn't try to convince him, just talks about what he is thinking and feeling. He even commends him for checking the practical possibilities first (had the place tested for black mold/replaced the co detectors/etc) and he keeps getting little digs in at Stede so he lets them keep doing their thing without much fuss.

So he's not as dickish as he could be when he's told 'Yeah I mean, Steve's picking up on something, but man he's just barely dipping his pinky-toe in it to be honest? My heebies are fully jeebied!'

Stede starts to object about the name but Ed jumps in with a 'So the house is haunted?'

And Jack's like 'No. Whatever's here, it's not here for the house. It's here for Izzy.'

(I don't have much of the in between, because I like concepts but am notoriously bad at following through, but the gist is: Izzy gets full on possessed at some point, they all manage to save him, and afterwards Jack takes him out on a date to Waffle House.)

[our-death-means-flag]

Tuesdays?

Ship: Steadyhands x Reader Request by @bbygrill18! Notes: My very first request!! ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶ Featuring my favorite boys helping afab!reader with period cramps. I decided to stick with gender neutral pronouns so everyone can enjoy! (Hope that’s alright!) Warnings: mentions of blood/period things, some implications of Y/N being treated poorly on past crews (nothing more severe than canon)

You woke up feeling like you had been stabbed. 

Well, shit.

There go your plans to have a lovely day with your lovers.

You weren’t sure if it was better when you knew it was coming or when it was a shock. On the one hand, when it came slowly, you could plan ahead. But it also meant that the anticipation loomed over you like a knife. When it came quickly, you couldn’t plan but you also couldn’t dread it. Honestly it sounded like one of those annoying choices where you didn’t actually have a real choice. Between a rock and a hard place.

Of course your preference didn’t matter to your body so when you’d woken up this morning with a familiar dull ache in your abdomen, you hadn’t been able to plan (though considering that you’d been on cloud nine ever since starting a relationship with all three of your crushes, you probably wouldn’t have been able to plan all that well). 

The first time you’d gotten your monthly after moving into the captains’ cabin with your lovers and of course it had to be a bad one of course… And you already knew it would only get worse later in the day.

 It took a tremendous amount of willpower to wriggle out of Ed’s arms and away from Stede’s warmth and the soft silky sheets. Both because of how much they both cling to you in their sleep (adorable) and because you really wanted nothing more than to curl up in their arms for the foreseeable future. Izzy, being the workaholic he was, had long since woken up. Ed whined under his breath as you made your escape and you paused just long enough to plant a kiss on his cheek. “Sorry love.” 

You all but ran into the bathroom. Sighing in annoyance as you gathered your things, you quickly switched out your sanitary products. (Of course as soon as Stede had found out about you, he’d gotten you all the best supplies money could buy, making sure to buy each kind since he didn’t know what your preference was.) You’d usually stay and eat with your lovers but you wanted to get some work done before your cramps got worse so you grabbed a quick bite of breakfast and then went on your way.

You knew that it wouldn’t take long for your partners to notice that something was off, but you could delay for a bit longer. 

Honestly you had no idea what to do. You’d been on different crews before joining up with the Revenge and back then you’d just work through the pain. Both because time off wasn’t a luxury you could afford and because you knew most ships weren’t too kind about women on board. On the rare occasions that it got unbearable, you managed to play it off as an illness.  

You'd have been able to just take a day or two off on the Revenge, courtesy of Stede’s generous vacation policy. But you usually just worked through it. You hadn’t been a pirate nearly as long as Ed or Izzy but you certainly knew how unforgiving the world could be about weakness. And even though you knew that you were safe here, it was a hard habit to break.

Izzy stared at you with a raised eyebrow as you walked on deck, clearly surprised that you were awake so early. He returned your overcompensatingly chipper “Good morning” with a mumble of “morning…?” which sounded confused enough to be a question.

You tried to ignore both him and the building throbbing pain in your gut as you went about checking the rigging and redoing a few knots.

You could feel Izzy looming. But you wanted to avoid the incoming conversation so you did your damndest not to think about it as you adjusted the rigging. As you finished that up you turned and nearly barreled into Izzy, who had apparently been looming over you this entire time.

“Are you alright?” His tone sounded closer to an accusation than a question but you knew Izzy well enough to know just from the look on his face that he was worried. “Are you sick?” He added before you could answer, glancing down at where your arm was wrapped around your midsection.

“Yeah, I’m fine! No worries.” You immediately dropped your arm, trying to make it look casual as you instead leaned back against the railing.

Izzy narrowed his eyes then, after a brief pause, grabbed you by the arm and all but dragged you towards the cabin.

“Izzy!” You yelped in surprise. You tried to pull your arm free but, while Izzy’s grip was gentle enough not to hurt you, it was unbreakable. You gave up rather quickly as you knew full well that in a battle of strength, Izzy would win so you allowed him to drag you into the captains’ cabin and all but threw you in.

Stede seemed to be in the middle of preparing breakfast while Ed was still huddled up in bed, only his hair and one arm visible from under the covers. Stede beamed at your sudden arrival. “Good morning, loves!”

“Morning.” You couldn’t help but smile when you saw that expression on Stede’s face. It was adorable.

You were all ready to drop the subject of your less than stellar condition but it seemed that Izzy was not. He stood leaned against the doorframe, notably blocking you in. “There’s something going on with them and they’re not telling me what it is. They might be sick.” He reported, the edge in his tone barely noticeable. “Do the talk-it-through shit.”

Stede’s face immediately fell and Ed’s head popped up from under the sheets. 

“Oh darling, come sit.” Stede patted the couch and smiled, concern clear on his face.

You sighed. “It's really not a big deal…” You waved your hands dismissively. 

“Pish posh!” Stede exclaimed and gently pulled you into the couch and pressed a cup of fresh tea into your hand. “If it’s bothering you then it most certainly is a big deal.”

You were about to dismiss again when you were suddenly grabbed from behind, a curtain of dark hair blocking your view as you tried to look around. Ed leaned against you from behind the couch. In a shockingly graceful movement for a man who had just dragged himself out of bed, Ed clambered over the couch and positioned himself at your side and wrapped his arms and legs around you. 

You were officially trapped. Well, honestly you had been since the moment Izzy had grabbed you but now with Ed clinging to you, Stede’s unfairly convincing smiles and Izzy guarding the door, escape had officially become impossible. You sighed and relaxed fully, accepting your fate of a rather awkward conversation.

Izzy still lingered by the door, though whether he was more worried about you running away or someone sneaking up on you while you were vulnerable, was hard to guess. It may very well be both.

Stede dropped down into a somewhat awkward squat to be on eye level with you and put his hands over yours on the cup. “Well love? What’s the matter? You know my rule on this ship. We talk it through…”

“As a crew.” You finished with a small smile. You resisted the urge to minimize again and just stated flatly. “It’s my time of the month and I’m in quite a bit of pain.”

You managed to avoid laughing when Izzy raised a brow and whispered a soft confused “That hurts?” to himself, seemingly genuinely confused. But your composure didn’t last.

Ed mumbled a sleepy “What time?” He buried his face into your shoulder and added, “Tuesdays? Bet it’s a fuckin’ thing.” You couldn’t help but snort at that. You were fairly sure Ed was grinning as well, probably hoping to make you laugh.

“Oh honey,” Stede soothed. “Is there anything I can do to help? What do you normally do?”

You sighed, gently sipping your tea. “I don’t usually do anything actually. Just do what I do everyday.” Poor Stede looked heartbroken. “Most ships aren’t all that excited to have a woman on board.” You reminded. “I couldn’t exactly say what was really wrong and if I was ‘sick’ too much I’d probably get tossed overboard for the trouble. What kind of ship would want a crew member who got bedridden every month?”  

Izzy hissed in sympathy. You had no doubt he’d worked through illnesses before. Even Ed clung to you a little tighter.

“That’s horrible, dear.” Stede sympathized. You shrugged in response. That was just how things were. “But you know that here you can take all the time you need.”

“You always make me rest. Rather hypocritical.” Izzy added.

“I know. I know. But it’s an old habit. Sorry for keeping it from you.” You responded.

“I could take a nap.” Ed mused. You almost rolled your eyes. Ed was the only person you’d ever met who could sleep for a million years and still decide to go back to bed when he woke up. “Might make you feel better?” He offered.

“How about a heat pack as well? They always seemed to help Mary.” Stede offered.

“Never tried one. I’d like to though.” You smiled lightly.

“I’ll get it.” Izzy jumped at the chance to help and all but ran out of the cabin, mission acquired.

You chuckled, finishing your tea. Stede was quick to take the cup. Ed, seeing that you no longer had a breakable cup in your hand was quick to stand, pulling you up with him. You yelped in surprise but were smiling. “Ed! Careful!” Stede softly reprimanded. 

Ed ignored him and curled up in bed with you in tow. He was quick to pull you up against him, being the big spoon for once. 

Stede stepped in and gently wrapped both of you in blankets. Stede planted a kiss on Ed’s cheek then yours. “You rest. I’ll get you something to eat alright? And some chocolate?”

“Chocolate.” You mused. “Yes please.” 

Stede smiled and left the room with a chipper “Be back in a moment.”

Mere moments after Stede left, Izzy returned. He’d been so quick you were wondering if he’d run all the way to the kitchen to get the hot water and the water skin. Knowing Izzy, he probably had. He paused just long enough to grab a very soft towel to wrap the water skin in and knelt by the bed so he could gently help you rest it against your abdomen. The heat was heavenly against your skin, the cramping going from painful to barely uncomfortable. You breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Better?” Izzy asked, almost hopeful. 

You nodded, “Much better.”

Izzy hesitated, his fingers twitching towards your hand from where they were on the bed. You took the initiative and grabbed his hand. He gently caressed your hand. “How badly does it usually hurt?” He asked, clearly still upset that you were in pain.

You tightened your grip on his hand. “Depends. Can be really bad or just annoying. Kind of feels like getting punched in the gut to be honest.” You admitted. “Sucks.” It honestly felt kinda good to vent a little.

Izzy sighed. “I have to go back on deck. Someone has to make sure those idiots don’t sink the ship.” Even though he said idiots, his tone was softer. You smiled, glad that he was warming up to the crew. “I’ll make sure to get you another heating pack when this one gets too cold.” With Izzy in charge of that, you doubted you’d have even a second of not having a good heating pack. “Ed,” Izzy addressed. “Make sure they don’t try to go back to work.” He was almost verbatim quoting you the last time he’d gotten sick. 

Ed grinned and released you with one hand just long enough to give a somewhat snarky salute. “Gotcha.”

Before Izzy could leave, you gently pulled his hand up to your lips, planting a soft kiss on his knuckles. “Thank you so much Iz. You’re the best. I love you.”

Izzy, just like he had the first time you had kissed him, turned every shade of red and stood up so quickly he nearly fell. He mumbled a mix of ‘thank you’, ‘fuck’, and ‘love you too’ and bolted. You chuckled lightly.

“And you always tell me not to tease him?” Ed mumbled into your neck. You could feel his breath on your skin. “Hypocrite.” 

You chuckled breathlessly. “How is it teasing for me to tell one of my boyfriends how much I love him? I love you too, of course. Is that teasing?” You teased. You adjusted, leaning against Ed more and hiding under the blankets.

Ed laughed and planted a soft kiss on the back of your neck. “Love you too.” The two of you sat in silence for a moment. “You know…” Ed broke the silence and you could tell from his tone of voice that he was about to be a menace. “We are all bloodthirsty pirates after all… If you’re still up for it.” It took you a moment. Then Ed said “Wink wink” out loud and it clicked.

“Edward fucking Teach.” You tried to sound disappointed in him but it was severely undercut by how much you were trying to hold back your laughter.

“What?” The menace in question replied, feigning innocence. He planted another kiss where your shoulder meets your neck. “You love me, remember?” He teased.

You groaned but laughed. “Of course I do, you menace.”

You relished the incredible situation you found yourself and could hardly believe it was real. Here you were, one of your lovers holding you, another fetching you your favorite food, and another making sure you were safe and bringing you heating packs. It was such a difference from all the times you’d been curled up alone on other ships that it may well be heaven.

A/N: Hope I did the request justice!

These ridiculous, adorable, and unhinged boys are so fun to write.

Extra Headcanons: You send the boys to get supplies (modern au)

Ed at the store, talking loudly on the phone, 100% seriously: Babe! I’m in the pad aisle, what size pussy you wear?

Hearing you laugh over the phone is 1000% worth all the weird looks

He makes a very interesting picture, decked out in leather with a thick beard and tattoos with a small pastel colored box under his arm

Stede, returns with a shopping cart full of products (he bought one of each size and brand): I wasn’t sure if the colors meant different things ( ; ω ; )

Also bought snacks, three different heating packs and probably anything else in the store that claimed to help.

Izzy, the only one who already knew what you needed since he spotted the box before and made a mental note, walking back to you with a death grip on the shopping bag since this is for you and you need it and trusted him to get it: *intense focus*

Modern!Izzy would complete any task that his partners gave him with the same steely determination as Canon!Izzy handling a raid

Would 100% stab anyone getting in the way of him getting you what you need

[goayda]

Second Chances

(Another Stizzy fic here! I wanted to write something christmassy, but I failed completely so this is my usual thing, a bit of angst, but not too much because I'm too soft to be too mean to those characters.

So Stizzy fic, angst with happy ending. Still very PG. Set some time after 2x07 because that's where canon ends for me.)

...

Frenchie and Izzy had been missing for two days and Stede had been losing his mind for a day and a half.

He knew the decision had been the right one, the sensible one, the one a good pirate captain would take. It still had hurt to give the order to leave port without his men on board.

It was a not-so-friendly port and Frenchie and Izzy had been trying to make a deal with a local merchant when the British had appeared out of nowhere and the risk of staying there like a sitting duck had been too big so to save the ship and the rest of the crew they had had to set sail, hoping to be back soon to pick them up again.

That had been two long days ago and even though Stede had been trying to keep calm, repeating to himself that Frenchie and Izzy were smart and resourceful and that the crew had managed to send them a warning before leaving port, he had started to lose that fight quite soon. He wasn’t the only one that had been worried, though.

Fang had been the most obvious one as he had spent a lot of those two days crying not so quietly around the ship.

Jim, Archie and Roach had spent way too much time sharpening knives and anything pointy enough to cut people to ribbons.

Oluwande had been constantly making rounds, checking everything on the ship, to make sure they were ready to sail or fight, he had simply said.

Buttons had sent Olivia to land for news frequently and had sworn that the bird had seen Frenchie and Izzy and they were still safe.

“They’re hiding, c’ptain, they’re smart and know when to lie low.”

Black Pete, who had been awfully quiet since they left, had simply nodded in agreement and had kept polishing the cannons.

And Lucius, poor Lucius had been so tense that had broken four quills in those two days, but still he kept insisting he was sure their friends were going to be just fine.

Wee John had turned to knitting as if their lives depended on it. With the Swede’s help he had started making scarves, then jackets, then blankets, but Stede guessed it was a good thing that he had something that kept him occupied.

Stede, on the other hand, could only wait and try not to listen to the awful voice in his head that sounded way too much like Badminton’s and that insisted that he was never going to have the chance to hear Frenchie’s songs again. That he was never going to see Izzy smile to him again.

And that last part was particularly heartbreaking because Stede had only seen that once, but oh, hadn’t it been something beautiful. And he had felt the luckiest man in the word that time, because he knew not many had seen such smile. Probably nobody since Ed had left them.

It had been rough at first, for both of them, but things had gotten better with time and one night, after a late conversation about their next stop to restock Stede had made a joke he couldn’t remember now and Izzy had let out a short laugh and had smiled at him before shyly looking away, and Stede had been so surprised that hadn’t said anything when the first mate had said good night and left, but then he had stayed awake in bed for a long time replaying Izzy’s smile in his head.

And now he was spending hours on deck, watching the sea from that protected cove and waiting for news from a seagull while the ugly voice in his head insisted that he was never going to see Frenchie and Izzy again. That they had been found by the British. That Stede had let them die like a coward.

...

The morning of the third day, Olivia brought the news of the British leaving the town and Stede didn’t even question it, he immediately gave the order to go back there. In fact, he didn’t even have time to finish yelling his orders because the crew had already rushed to their posts to get the ship moving.

Some other time it would have hurt his feelings, seeing the crew ignore his authority like that, but at that moment he couldn’t care less. Stede simply went to Pete’s side to help and they sailed as fast as they could.

When they reached the port they had barely had time to dock when two figures came rushing towards the ship, one leaning heavily on the other.

They were alive, was Stede’s only thought and the relief almost brought him to his knees.

The moment Frenchie and Izzy got on board, they set sail again, still no sign of the British but better not to tempt fate, and the crew exploded in a chorus of happy cheers as they surrounded their missed crewmates.

Wee Jon engulfed Frenchie in a tight hug as the others patted Izzy on the back and congratulated him for not dying once again. Stede took a look at his first mate’s tired face and smiled at him. Izzy smiled back, looking relieved and happy and Stede couldn’t stop himself from taking the few steps that separated them and pulling Izzy into a crushing hug.

Izzy gasped in surprise, but he soon relaxed in Stede’s arms, letting out a soft sigh against his neck. Stede could have spent hours like that, but eventually he let go of Izzy and looked at him with worry.

“Are you injured?” he asked. “I saw you limping on your way here.”

“We’re both ok,” Izzy replied. “We spent too much time hidden in a cramped space and my leg wasn’t happy about it, I’ll be fine. A bit of food and water would be great, though. We had to do with scraps these last days.”

“Of course!”

When he turned around Stede realized Frenchie was already being guided towards the galley by the rest of the crew and Izzy started slowly following them.

“Wait, Izzy!” Stede said before he could get too far.

Izzy turned back to look at him questioningly and Stede faltered.

“I’d like to keep talking about what has happened,” he finally said. “I have some refreshments in my cabin, I’m sure you can find something you’d like to eat there or I could ask Roach to bring us something…“

“I’m on it, Captain, don’t worry,” Lucius cheerfully said, appearing suddenly at Stede’s side. “I’ll make sure you get some food and water from the galley soon, it looks like you have a lot to talk about.”

Lowering his voice to barely a whisper the young man added “Don’t chicken out now, Captain” and then he started walking towards the galley after smiling encouragingly at Izzy.

Stede looked at Izzy and waited for an answer and the first mate simply nodded and started limping towards the cabin.

Stede was by his side in a second and without asking if he needed any help, because he knew the answer would always be ‘no’, he put an arm around Izzy’s waist to support him and help him walk. To his surprise, Izzy didn’t flinch, didn’t loudly complain, he simply put his arm around Stede’s shoulders and together they walked slowly towards the cabin.

Once inside the room, once the door closed behind them, Stede stopped to look at Izzy with his arm still around him and realized he didn’t want to let go. The voice inside his head, that now sounded surprisingly like Lucius, started whispering to him. You almost lost him, it said, it was almost too late, don’t be a coward now.

Izzy hadn’t let go either, Stede realized, his arm was still around his shoulder and when he looked at the first mate’s face Stede saw a longing that he was sure was reflected in his own face.

I’m a pirate, Stede thought, and pirates are fearless.

So Stede leaned down and kissed him.

Izzy raised his hand to curl around Stede’s neck and deepened the kiss and neither of them let go for a while.

When a suspiciously long time later Lucius finally knocked on the door and let himself inside with a tray of food from the galley, he found Izzy already asleep, leaning against Stede on the settee.

Closing the book he had been reading, Stede put a finger over his lips to demand silence and Lucius complied, leaving quietly as Stede snuggled back against Izzy with a soft smile on his face.

[rottingformerfirstmate]

It's lonely without Izzy. Edward feels his absence like he's been run through, and the sword is still there to catch against the walls whenever he rounds a corner and twist inside his guts as sharply as Izzy's dry humor. While Edward is not alone--never more than twenty feet from Stede, not that either of them feel a desperate need to keep the other in sight--he can't help how the hole where Izzy should be swallows any semblance of joy in interacting with anyone else, even Stede. He should still be here.

The cheap table and chair set Stede bought for the kitchen has only two seats, and Edward can't look at it without wondering where Izzy is supposed to sit. It's absurd when Izzy didn't dine with them, but Edward feels entitled to irrationality right now. Stede said as much while Ed laid on top of the dirt they buried Izzy beneath, pretending he could still hear him breathing, whispering all the words left unsaid into the damp earth.

Izzy wouldn't want a chair at their table anyway. The version of Izzy Ed remembers, the one that mocked his flights of fancy, would scoff at the idea and perhaps knock over the vase of lillies Stede arranged so carefully. He'd call this a waste of everything Edward is.

Then again, there's a version of Izzy that Edward didn't know well enough to realize his existence until after they were broken beyond repair. It was still Izzy who painted his face in gold and sang for them at Calypso's birthday. His last words in life were a comfort for Edward. That feels like the Izzy Edward knew as well as the back of his hand, but the open softness in his face and the peaceful acceptance of endings does not.

Rather than thinking too hard about whether Edward really knew Izzy at all, he sits cross-legged opposite Izzy's makeshift headstone with his eyes on the tarnished shine of the ring knotted into the cravat. He can't figure out why they denied Izzy a burial at sea, and no one has explained, which Edward suspects is because it has already been laid out for him. The several days between Izzy's death and funeral are a grizzly blur of which Ed has little memory beyond a soul-churning ache for Izzy to be beside him again. He forgave Edward before he died. It wasn't enough because he only did it to get the words out while he still had the chance, not because he was past the horrors he endured at his captain's hand.

Stede comes to check on him and deliver a cup of tea, sweeter than Izzy ever made it for Edward because he was smart about rations and Edward never went with him to make sure he wasn't skimping. It surprises him when a question of where Izzy's cup is slips from his mouth, but Stede was prepared for this and sets a tea cup next to Edward's good knee. Vaguely, Ed remembers the meltdown he had the first time Stede made tea after Izzy died, demanding to know why there were only two porcelain sets. Izzy liked tea when he was hurt or ill. If making tea for a dead man who can't possibly be aware of its presence bothers Stede, he gives no such indication. Instead, he tells Edward he will leave the two of them to chat and turns back toward the house.

Ed drinks his tea before it gets cold. He pours Izzy's over the grave, the best approximation he has for holding it to Izzy's chapped lips, before its steam dissipates.

[brigdh]

Absolutely obsessed with the wording on Ed's cringe break-up* tattoo, because I've been saying for AGES that it's all about trust for Ed.

*it's actually irrelevant to my theory if it's new or if he's had it for decades, I just love the idea of the tattoo being one of his ill-advised choices in the wake of Stede.

Because Ed very much has been looking for someone to trust, has been wanting to trust, and has not been letting himself trust anyone. Until Stede. (As a side-note, I don't think Stede actually did anything in particular to prove himself trustworthy; I think Ed has a fetish for rich people where he assumes their relationships are all fine things good and healthy and that got projected onto Stede.)(Okay, I guess Stede did do some things – he sees Ed vulnerable at the rich nobs party in ep 5, he sees Ed vulnerable in the bathtub in ep 6, and both times he doesn't take advantage but instead protects Ed. But we're still left with the question of whether Ed has really never once met someone who would do the same, or whether Ed has just never let himself be vulnerable in front of someone before, and Stede gets that opportunity because he's the gentleman pirate.)

When he's crying in the bathtub, Ed says he doesn't have any friends, and 'friend' seems to be a loaded term in pirate-world: Calico Jack laughs at the possibility. Specifically, Calico Jack says pirates don't have friends because they're always fucking each other over. I do think Ed and Izzy have a level of intimacy, but Izzy doesn't hesitate to sell Stede out to the British, and Ed doesn't seem particularly surprised or angry over it. There's one punch and then the next time he sees Izzy it's just 'make me tea' and 'check out my blanket fort'. The whole betrayal blows over like it's just another Thursday.

And I think it basically is business-as-usual, in pirate society. That's just how the game is played, and that's fine, Ed can play better than anyone. But nonetheless I think Ed wants someone who he can count on not to betray him.

And he thinks he has that with Stede. Ed puts his walls down. He stops constantly protecting himself. And when Stede abandons him it hits him harder not just because he's never been open enough to be hurt before, but because it's a shock. Stede was supposed to be Ed's one safe, trustworthy friend. Instead it turns out the world really is just full of bastards.

Trust no one.

[naranjapetrificada]

Time for another Fanfic Friday!

Let's get the obligatory self-promo out of the way: Monday night, just before bedtime, I finally posted Chapter 2 of my bizarre little gay pirates arranged marriage ancient-world-inspired AU From the Firmament. I get if you don't trust WIPs, or don't think it's for you, and I'll be the first to tell you it's unusual. But if you find your curiosity piqued at all, maybe you should give it a whirl? If being in the OFMD fandom has taught me anything, it's that even things that are certifiably Not Your Thing can surprise the hell out of you.

Onto the recs (including one that absolutely wasn't My Thing and a non-OFMD rec)! Here's what I've been reading lately:

1) Of the AUs that should be "definitely Not My Thing", Wanna Fly Away is probably the least My Thing I've encountered. It absolutely, positively should not be something I'd ever consider reading, no matter how much I trust @petrichorca not to lead me astray. Monsterfucking? Nope, absolutely not for me, but blessings upon all who enjoy it. And Animorphs? I mean really, Animorphs???

So anyway I'm on Chapter 9 now, although I'll admit to having skimmed the final chapter many moons ago out of curiosity. I do that sometimes because I'm generally spoiler agnostic and sometimes I need to know ahead of time if a certain story will leave me existentially devastated. Jury's still out tbh! Crucially though, even after skimming the last chapter, I didn't start reading. What actually got me to read the fic proper was this separate one-shot that looked at Stede's character before leaving his life behind. That reminded me in a lot of ways of this pre-canon fic I've long appreciated, and that sealed the deal.

2) Next, for something ENTIRELY in the canon universe, I've been following the gentle, meditative innkeepers-era fic The Waters Around You by eimeo (not sure if they're on tumblr) and it's made for really rewarding reading. There's still plenty of work our boys need to do, but for once they actually have time to do it!

3) I've also been trying to catch up on my OMG THEY'RE ✨BOYFRIENDS✨ fics and one I heartily recommend is Tenderly the Light by the one and only @darcylindbergh, which perfectly captures that effervescent feeling you know they both had during the boyfriends scene while also not forgetting that they have to go out there and escape the British while also just being so full of LIFE. Pitch perfect.

4) Next up is the recently reposted Powder Blue by @scarrletmoon. It's a modern AU which I missed the first time around because I wasn't in the fandom yet (if such a time ever existed). Heed the tags going in, but if you're like me and heard so much about it after it got taken down, you'll absolutely want to check it out now. In particular, I love how like, grounded I feel inside Ed as a character, and how the in-world power dynamics replicate for a reader how Stede's specific brand of inscrutability would have felt to Canon Ed, who doesn't have the benefit of knowing how Stede feels. There's that little bit of distance there that just makes everything a bit more...more, I guess.

5) Lastly, for those of us anxiously awaiting the latest update to @moonyinpisces's phenomenal GO fix-it How Do We Turn On The Light (brb refreshing my email again), I want to recommend Talk to Me of Things to Come by Atsuki, which visits Crowley and Aziraphale on New Years Eve, 1988. It's flirty and sweet (although I definitely would not call it "fluff") and has some S-tier Aziraphale pining if you're into that. Not even sure how I found it tbh but I must have been throwing GO fics at the void where Chapter 16 of HDWTOTL waits to melt our collective minds.

Happy Friday, and happy reading!

[unrely]

rant about the finale of ofmd season 2 below

it has been so clear thoughout this whole season that the cast and crew were suffering horribly from cost cutting and the strikes. crew members were disappearing in the middle of episodes so that the not-pirate crew could manage schedule and finances. costuming took a big hit. most new characters were played by new zealand actors because they couldn't afford to fly anyone else in. they had to film in new zealand. the entire plot seemed cut short in places, like they were trying to make it all fit in such a short time.

i knew i was going to be disappointed the moment i saw the finale was only 30 minutes long. there was no way they could have tied up all those loose ends in a satisfying way in that amount of time. not only was izzy's death unsatisfying and unnecessary to the plot other than cutting him out of the way so there wasn't the loose end of his love for edward getting in the way of stede and ed's happily ever after; stupid choices were made. it doesnt make any sense to me that they wouldnt have checked ricky for a gun or even that he needed to be there to begin with. the crew's final escape took about four minutes and was wholly unsatisfying because they needed to wrap up.

the thing i really want to say is this - i really hope everyone gives the writers some slack. it is so fucking clear that they were being rushed and were struggling to give us a satisfying ending with impossible odds. i wouldn't be surprised if they knew something we didn't about the chances of us getting a season three.

don't yell at the writers. yell at hbo max. this was not a lack of creativity or skill - we saw them do wonderful things last season. this was capitalism. this was cost-cuts. support sag aftra. support the writers.

[straightupsickfics]

no one asked for this, but i had a migraine this morning and one last week so ed gets one too, sorry ed <3

****

Ed knows it’s early before he even opens his eyes. The problem isn’t the time, or how disoriented he feels despite Stede sleeping soundly right beside him. No, the problem is the incessant pounding just behind his eyes and at the left side of his head. Ed knows it immediately, so inescapable and constant and so familiar by now that Ed knows without a doubt that he’s got another fucking migraine.

It hadn’t been that long since his last one, he’s sure of it. He’d check the app Stede had insisted he try out, the one that tracks them, but that would only make everything worse. The thought of the bright light of his phone makes Ed physically wince, so instead he extracts himself from Stede and the million thread count sheets he buys for them, and makes his way to the bathroom with a silent, practiced ease.

His vision blurs at the edges, and he tries to look in the mirror anyway, just to be really sure it's a migraine, as if he isn’t already. Even that small effort hurts his eyes, makes him a little nauseas with the effort. Sighing, Ed focuses on shaking out two of the migraine pills he keeps by the sink, always in the same spot, always within reach, and swallows them down with a sip of water from the glass he keeps there, too.

That’ll be easier, won't it, darling? Ed can hear Stede as he makes the suggestion, his eyes warm and worried when he realizes just how frequently Ed deals with the migraines.

Ed switches off the soft overhead light and shuffles back to bed. He’s not surprised to find Stede awake, really. Stede's not a light sleeper in general, but he always seems to notice the moment Ed isn’t in bed beside him anymore. Ed’s spent lots of long, lazy mornings tucked beside his husband, letting him sleep while Ed reads and pets the cat, forgoing coffee because he knew the second he left, Stede would wake up, too.

“Y’alright?” Stede asks, muffling a yawn into his hand.

“Mm, migraine,” Ed says quietly. Talking feels strange even to his own ears, too loud somehow for all of his senses, and he can’t resist wincing again as he settles himself back into bed. His eyes feel nearly as heavy as his head, and he hopes he can sleep off the worst of it, have a shot at a decently normal day by the time he wakes up in the morning. Stede curls in close again, and Ed can feel him peering at him even with his eyes squeezed shut.

He pries them open to look at his husband, and, in his matching pajama set and sleep-rumpled hair, all Ed really wants to do is kiss him, though even that small effort feels arduous.

Stede makes a fond, sympathetic face, leaning over to lay a hand on Ed’s cheek. “Poor Edward,” he murmurs, keeping his voice low and even. Before Ed can reply, though, there’s the telltale jingle that lets them know Meringue is awake now, too, and she leaps gracefully up onto the bed before Stede can stop her. She plants herself on Ed’s chest, like she knows exactly how shitty he’s feeling, and promptly starts to purr against him.

Ed wants to cry, a little, at the way the cat makes it her mission to join him whenever one of his headaches strikes, not to mention the way Stede has developed an entire migraine system for him, determined to make them easier in any small way he can. The app, the bathroom setup, the reminders about vitamins.

Fucking vitamins. Edward Teach was not a vitamin guy before meeting Stede, and now look at him, curled up in bed with his small, perfect family and his fucking pounding head and it’s not even that bad.

How could it be?

“Can you sleep with her like that? Should I…” Stede trails off when Ed shakes his head, opening his eyes again to kiss the cat on the head and pet her between her ears.

“Can’t kick her off now, can I? She thinks she’s healing me or something. Probably is, for all I know,” Ed mumbles.

Ed can hear the smile in Stede’s voice when he replies. “You’re definitely a daddy’s girl.”

“That’s both of us,” Ed says through a yawn. The medicine will be kicking in soon enough, and he really is still too fucking tired to think straight on top of the pounding in his head.

Stede curls in close beside him, stroking his hair just the way Ed likes, soothing him right along with Meringue, and yeah, his eyes feel a little hot with tears just then, a little overwhelmed by all of it on top of his head trying to fucking kill him.

“Feel better, darling,” Stede murmurs, and that’s the last thing Ed remembers before he’s out again, just like that.

[jaimehwatson]

12, 14, 17, and 18 for the behind the scenes fic writer asks!

Behind the Scenes Fic Writing Asks

Thanks Mattie! <3

12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

This might be a bit broad of a concept to call a "trope," but I've never really written an AU beyond one or two short one-shots inspired by other people's longer AU works. But I'm currently working on a pro wrestling AU for Our Flag Means Death that's going to be great, so stay tuned. :D

14. If you were stuck on a desert island with only two characters, which would you pick?

My boy Edward Teach born-on-a-beach would know how to survive! But Stede would not, he'd probably be in the way, sorry Stede. So for my second character I'll pick Paul Atreides, who's also great at desert survival, and will know what to do if we encounter any huge worms.

17. What fic are you most proud of?

This is always a hard question, because I write a ton of short fics, and I'm happy with them all! But one I'm especially proud of recently is my little OFMD series What makes Ed happy?, which explores three different relationships in Ed's life and how he grows and changes over time.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

Thank you very much for this one especially! Since I've brought up OFMD for all your other questions so far, I'll stick with the theme and give some commentary on my recent pre-canon Ed/Izzy fic Breathless Devotion! If you haven't read the fic, you may want to check the content warnings in it before reading my quotes and commentary.

Ed barely flinched at the first few lashes, counting them out—at his captain's insistence—with a confident smirk.

This opening scene has three inspirations. One is another good fic I read recently in which Jack talked about Ed being flogged by Hornigold at some point in their shared past - but I took that idea in a bit of a different direction, and decided to leave it ambiguous whether the captain in my fic is Hornigold in particular or just some other guy. The second is the episode of Sharpe (although I forget which one) in which Sharpe takes care of Harper in a similar situation. And the third is just from All Elite Wrestling.

He was no stranger to pain, and it was far from the first time in his life that he'd been beaten as punishment for some minor perceived slight.

In my mind, this refers to Ed's abusive father, as well as to at least a few other captains or bosses of whatever kind he went on to work for as a young man.

A sudden cold splash of liquid made the skin on Ed's back burn, and he howled a string of barely coherent curses—some of them even in his mother's language, which he had barely spoken since childhood, and was surprised to find that he remembered.

Although it hasn't been confirmed in canon, I like to imagine Ed's first language being te reo Māori, which I've been learning a tiny bit about recently from some cool posts by @ofmdtereomaori!

"Iz—Izzy," Ed whispered, the affectionate diminutive feeling effortlessly natural as he shifted forward to press their bodies together.

In case anyone didn’t pick up on the implication, I wrote this fic imagining that Ed and Izzy didn’t know each other very well beforehand, and this is the first time Ed has spontaneously decided to call him Izzy instead of just addressing him as Hands or something else more formal. Maybe it’s even the first time anyone called him Izzy! Who knows.

"But you took care of me, Izzy Hands. That's all I need to know."

I wrote this final line thinking about a good book I read recently, Horns by Joe Hill, in which the protagonist says something similar to a childhood friend who saved his life: “You pulled me out of the river. That’s all I need to know.” Just like with Ed and Izzy, that relationship also turned out to be an unhealthy one. And if you want to know more, I highly recommend the book!

Thanks so much to anyone who’s stuck around to read all this commentary! It was a lot of fun to write <3

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Prompt idea: Holiday celebration get horrendously fucked (birthday, Christmas, Halloween, Passover, doesn’t matter really, dealers choice) and one of them has to comfort the other and help them through a meltdown over their favorite day getting fucked up

Happy birthday and hopefully your day isn’t as bad as you would make Ed and Stede’s!

I wasn't able to get this one edited and posted on my birthday, but it's still a precious prompt and I loved writing for it!! Here's the story of The Time That Stede Fucked Up Passover.

--

"The eleventh plague," Stede said glumly as he watched Ed open a kitchen window to air out some of the smoke, "easily misread cooking directions."

"Well, babe," Ed said over his shoulder, "I'm not sure why you thought that the oven needed to be set to 450 for brisket -"

"I misread the package, Ed," Stede snapped, trying to hide the wobble in his voice.

"Aww, no, that came out wrong." Ed, who had been poking at the smoking, thoroughly blackened brisket sitting on the stovetop to salvage for any edible parts, held out a hand for Stede to take.

Stede pretended he didn't see, looking down at his lap.

It was Stede's first Passover with Ed, and he knew it was a big deal. Ed's mama was coming over for the seder, and Stede had been trying so fucking hard to get it all right. Passover was Ed's favorite holiday! He couldn't fuck it up!

So he did all his research. He practiced reading the haggadah, the text read at the seder - even though Ed would be doing most of the reading, he wanted to be able to pronounce the prayers without asking for help and mark spots where he could raise interesting discussion or questions and (hopefully) impress Ed's mom. He'd figured out voices to use for all of Ed's plague-themed finger puppets to add a bit of levity, triple-checked what they needed for the seder plate, and he'd stressed over making sure dinner was perfect.

When the local synagogue had released sign-ups for pre-made brisket packs, of course he'd signed them up. He wasn't the greatest cook, and neither was Ed, so he figured that having the main course squared away would take a load off his mind and allow him to focus on getting the table set and ready while Ed prepared the roasted sweet potatoes, matzo ball soup, and an extra-big helping of charoset.

And now he'd fucked up his one contribution to dinner, and he hadn't even gotten the table ready, and he'd forgotten to put the wine in the fridge to chill, all because he couldn't even read the package -

"Stede, babe, you need to breathe."

Stede jerked his eyes open. He didn't even remember closing them, but now Ed was kneeling in front of him at the table. He put a gentle, calming hand on Stede's thigh, looking up at him with a small smile.

"I'm so, so sorry, Ed," Stede sighed, scrubbing at his eyes before his tears could fall. "I've ruined everything - I'm the worst boyfriend ever."

"Hey, don't talk about my boyfriend that way," Ed pretended to grumble. "You just misread the instructions. Could've happened to anyone, and you've never made brisket before, have you?"

"No," Stede admitted.

"There ya go," Ed said easily. "You do need to wear your reading glasses more often, though. Not even just saying that because I think they're hot."

"Ed," Stede snorted. "Was any of it edible?"

"Stede," Ed said solemnly, "that thing is burnt to a sizzle. It's basically a rock. It's an ex-brisket."

"Great," Stede sighed. "Your mom's going to hate me."

"She's gonna love you," Ed promised. "Wanna know how I know?"

Stede just pursed his lips.

"Because you tried," Ed said. "You tried so fucking hard."

"That doesn't change the fact that our main course is burnt beyond recognition, Ed."

"C'mon, man, get it straight." Ed rubbed a soothing little circle over Stede's kneecap. "If you think my mama is showing up here without more food than any of us can eat, you're in for a surprise."

Well. That made it a bit better.

"I'm just sorry," Stede said, his shoulders hunching inward with his guilt. "I wanted this to be the best Passover you've ever had -"

"It will be," Ed said, immediately. "Because you're here. And I love you."

"I love you, too." Stede cupped Ed's cheek in his hand, his heart swelling at the way Ed tilted his face into the contact. "Promise you're not mad?"

"Not a bit," Ed said.

Stede leaned in to kiss him, but they pulled apart when they heard a car pull into the driveway.

"The eleventh plague," Ed said cheekily, giving Stede a quick kiss on his way up. "Meeting your boyfriend's mom."

Stede shivered.

"C'mon, babe, she'll love you!" One last kiss, and Ed darted out to meet his mama before she had a chance to start trying to carry things in herself.

Stede took a deep breath, made sure no one could see him for just long enough to flip off the stupid brisket on the stove, and then he ran out to join them.

[edactually]

Stede POV - 11.5

Stede left the photoshoot feeling far more confident than he ever had before.

It had been a completely professional environment, and Stede hadn’t been pressured once to go further than he was comfortable with. Although his photographer had made suggestions, the choice whether to go through with them or not had always been down to him. There had been a couple of ideas that he’d vetoed, and they’d been brushed aside in favour of a different suggestion without any complaint.

Stede had actually ended up surprising himself with what he’d been willing to do. At the end of the shoot, his photographer had asked if he wanted to take a look at the photos then and there and Stede, still high on the adrenaline of it all, had agreed. When asked which photos he wanted copies of, Stede had chosen all of them. It was much more expensive than if he’d just selected one or two like most people, and there was the added cost of getting them all compiled into a luxury photo album, but he was feeling giddy and excitable.

The book would be ready for him to pick up the following afternoon, which was perfect with Ed arriving the day after.

Stede only checked his phone when he was back in his car and saw that he had a couple of missed calls from Ed, so he immediately called back. Ed answered on the third ring. “Hey!”

“Hello sunshine,” Stede sank back against the smooth leather of the driver’s seat, toying with his car keys in one hand as he held the phone to his ear with the other. “Sorry I missed you, but it was for a good reason.”

“Yeah?”

“Might have been preparing a present for you.” Stede smiled as he imagined Ed’s gleeful face at the other end of the line. He knew how much Ed loved presents, no matter how big or small.

He could hear the excitement in his voice. “What present?”

“You’ll have to wait until Friday.” 

Ed’s long, drawn-out whine made him laugh. “That’s ages away!”

“Darling, it’s the day after tomorrow.”

“It feels like forever.”

Stede knew how much Ed hated waking up early, and this would be right after a show where he’d only be getting to bed late. He’d have time for maybe one or two hours of sleep before he had to leave for the airport, all so he could get here as soon as possible. Just to see Stede. “Make sure you eat something before your flight.”

“Aw, you don’t want to make me breakfast?”

Stede giggled. He would happily make Ed an entire breakfast buffet if that was what he wanted, he just needed to be sure Ed had eaten because he knew how grumpy he got if he didn’t. “I’ll have it ready and waiting for when you arrive.”

“You’re so good to me, baby. You know what would make it even better?”

“What’s that?”

“You wearing nothing but an apron when I get there.”

Stede nearly dropped his phone. “Are you serious?”

“Deadly.” Ed’s voice was a husky purr. “I want to let myself in with the spare key and walk into your kitchen to see you flipping pancakes wearing nothing but an apron with that cute little arse of yours peeking out.”

Stede knew he could say no and Ed would let the subject drop. Ed would never make him do something he was uncomfortable with for his own enjoyment, but Stede had to admit that the picture Ed was painting for him was very enticing. Maybe it was because he was still riding the confidence boost from his photoshoot. “You’ll have to wait and see, won’t you?”

Ed groaned, long and loud and it reverberated through his phone speaker. “I hate waiting.”

Stede was about to respond with some soothing words to placate his boyfriend’s impatience, when Ed spoke again.

“You’re worth it though.”

Stede clutched the phone tighter in his hand. “What?”

“You were worth the wait, Stede.” Ed said. “Every second.”

Now he didn’t know what to say. There was nothing he could say without giving away that tears were starting to leak from his eyes. He swallowed, trying to regain some composure and failing miserably. “I miss you. Hurry back to me.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can. I promise.”

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