#Spike being the second therapist friend

[mellowdiplomattrashpsychic]

Spike and Kyle are godsent-

Like, what if the reason most people ignore and walk away, or just adapt to ghost fights is because of Kyle's lies.

Spike is literally the one person with actual medical knowledge. And with Wes there as an ally, he'd probably be the one asking the questions and be more level headed about darker themes. "What if you're not there and Danny needs emergency surgery?" "What if Danny got drugged or poisoned?" "What if-"

Spike goes through it all and then researches and asks around for even more. He makes sure he's got it all down and then explains it, runs through it with everyone.

I like to think that Wes is just that type of paranoid. He prepares for every situation and plans out each step with so much detail, it's scary.

All those aus where Danny runs away and becomes homeless or just dirt poor? (Usually in crossovers) Wes dragged Tucker into hacking shit and making an account under a fake name a long time ago. Wes works online to make it seem like an adult has always been working. He reasons that Danny should immediately move out either way, even if it isn't for running away.

Kyle heard the whole plan, gave some pointers, and helped with extra bits by lying to the whole town about some shut-in living living in the apartment Wes planned to rent, making it always open for rent. Kyle did all the work to take in the mail and such to give to Wes for him to look through.

I imagine that Spike is just beyond shocked once he hears about Tucker's hacking and the extent of Wes' stalking skills.

I can see Kyle really hating his curse. Yes, it's useful to get what he wants, but he so badly wants to tell people the truth. But if he says the truth to even one person, the curse gets weaker on that lie.

I could imagine him being so damn worried for these kids, wishing he could step in and help or at least be a shoulder to lean on. He wants to comfort them, comfort Jazz. The shit they've been through shouldn't be on one person to sort through. He could help. He knows he can but he can't. He has to find loopholes to make it through.

I bet as the adult, Spike is just such a mom. He could see the bystander role Kyle is forced into, see the absolute terror Jazz deals with as the only known shield between Danny and their parents (she raised him, that's her baby, that's... she's more of a mother to him than her parents ever were), and he sees the stress the youngest ones go through.

Hell, when he found out about Dani, he immediately offered his apartment. He barricaded it, made it ghost proof with the help of Danny (genius Danny au), to make it unreachable to outside ghostly threats. Only their group was allowed in. Nobody will hurt Dani whenever she's over (Vlad was the person in mind).

In fact, I bet that his apartment is the one they crash in a bunch of times. Sure, Sam and Danny like to go to Tuck's, Danny is the only one really popping into Wes' house, but Spike's apartment is the place to go.

Danny finds him often at night because of injuries (took a lot of talking and a very close call for him yo get there) or nightmares he doesn't want to bother anyone else with. He could just go there and work on stuff, Spike is a heavy sleeper (or, at least, here he is).

Tucker goes there and raids his kitchen or to go to a quiet space that's more open but not public. He talks with Spike sometimes about how he's scared about everything and worried about the future. Therapist friends that aren't family like Jazz, y'know?

Sam goes there whenever she can't go to the others when her family passes her off. She also stashes a bunch of plants there. Spike is really good at taking care of them (he really doesn't understand how they're still alive).

Wes goes there a lot to find Danny or the one to bring Danny. He also is the one who's been supplying Spike with medical equipment with Tuck's help. You cant buy the expensive shit that often, to vigilante extent, without the stolen money and without any cause for suspicion.

Kyle- I bet Kyle and Jazz lean on Spike a lot. Jazz doesn't have to be the responsible one anymore, the single voice of maturity. Kyle is stressed about keeping things a secret and spills lies that Spike outright denies, making Kyle feel relieved somewhat, thinking Soike truly didn't believe them. Whether or not Spike does is another topic.

Idk much about their personalities, but I really like the thought of Spike being the 2nd therapist of the group. He carries a lot of weight, but he's also more or less used to it with his career path. Jazz wasn't even in college yet (or just starting), she hasn't had real patients before, the type that she doesn't personally know and can't heavily impact through that connection. Kyle is making a whole mask and trying to play mind games to find loopholes, wishing he could help more directly.

This would be such a good story. Just- just focusing on recruitment and darker sides with comfort here and there. How the characters learn to really go to others for help, how to work together and even others outside the team.

And when they're finally done, it could end with a happy note. Danny becomes an astronaut in the end or works at Nasa to build things. Sam is out protesting and fixing the world's problems related to the environment. Tucker- ok, I really want him to be some video game designer, but he could also be some type of legal hacker (for the police or something). Wes is a detective, forensic scientist, a journalist, or something along those lines. Jazz is a psychiatrist. Kyle- idk about Kyle honestly, think of something for me TvT. And Spike is out there saving lives (maybe he moves to another area in the medical field, or he sticks to his current one).

Hurt/comfort is my favorite

Extended Team Phantom

I love the classic trio and seeing Jazz and Valerie added to the roster, but I also love seeing some fresh faces fighting the good fight. Here's some more people I always picture when I'm thinking about how the team would evolve over the years.

Wes Weston - obviously, you've got to include the fandom's collective child. Once they finally drill the importance of Danny’s secrets into his head, he's actually great at misdirection. It turns out there's a slight memetic effect to the information he spreads. It causes people to also disbelieve any evidence of Wes's theory they stumble across later. The effect lasts somewhere between 1-2 week

Kyle Weston- Kyle is actually his middle name. He did not escape the Weston naming tradition, but he told his kindergarten teacher that his middle name was actually his first name. From that point forward, he learned that: the more outrageous his lies, the more power they held. Kyle may be ridiculously laid back, but that doesn't change the fact that he's been academically tied with Jazz since 1st grade. He knows EVERYTHING that goes on in Casper High and has been covering for Team Phantom ever since the 1st Lunch Lady fight. Good luck getting him to admit to any of this. Danny is still convinced Kyle thinks the moon is made of cheese.

Philip "Spike" Wilkins - the only adult member of the team and the only one with first aid training. Spike was a senior in his first appearance and has since graduated and got his paramedic's certification. One nasty fight led to Spike learning Danny’s identity and calling Jazz to pick him up. The absence of his piercings (can't wear those at work) cause Jazz to not recognize him at first, but that moment of confusion was soon replaced with relief. Spike has been Jazz's best friend and pseudo big brother since she was in 3rd grade. It's not a problem for him to expand that to all of Team Phantom. Looks can be deceiving and the studs and mohawk don't change the fact that Spike is the true Team Mom of the Extended Team Phantom.

[ihrthoney]

stupid

pairings: touya todoroki x f!reader (no actual relationship atm, it’s more of a reunion thing but with romantic intentions)

warnings: fluff, touya backstory

word count: 2.8k (JESUS😭)

an: touya is alive and well tyvm! most likely will make a part 2 :p

It had been about two years and Touya was finally out of the hospital. When your body is near death, time flies by. The first few months were times he didn’t ever want to relive, the mental and physical pain he had to endure when healing his body was intense. After every session, he would knock out until he had to start the next test. 

As promised, he talked to his father every single day. The rest of his family would visit separately or by themself. Since their first visit, Natuso has never been in the same room as their father, Touya understands and respects his decision of course.

Society on the other hand… let’s just say he gets everything delivered to him to avoid the public as much as he can. Given it’s been two years, the rise of heroes has already begun (again) and the crime rate has never been lower; but for his sanity, he does not want to be recognized. 

His nerves always spike when he’s forced to go out but his mom and sister think exposure therapy is good. Speaking of therapy, he’s been seeing a therapist since he could properly talk again. Since he was a villain he has to do community service for ten years, technically eight in present times. Every day for eight hours he helps different companies and programs with whatever they need. As exhausting as it is, he knows it’s the least he can do for being a big factor in hero society collapsing. 

Currently, he’s with his siblings shopping for clothes and it feels like community service. He loves his sister, he really does, but they’ve been shopping for hours and his ass hurts from sitting so much as she tries on different outfits. Thankfully Natsuo had joined (was dragged) them or else he would’ve fallen asleep three stores ago. Fuyumi said Natsuo always agrees so they can leave the store quicker and that a second opinion is always nice! She said Shoto was too busy with school and training to stay plus he was too sheltered to know about things that weren't hero-related (they’re so grateful for his friends).

Fuyumi is in a fitting room trying on a few dresses for an event their mom is a part of. The boys already had their outfits ready (a suit and tie) so there was no need for them to shop, they were seated right in front of the door Fuyumi was in, other seats next to them were either empty or also filled with someone waiting.

The door opened and Touya instinctively looked up, just as he did when someone walked past him and it made his blood, ironically, run cold. Quickly, he hides his face behind Natsuo which confuses the latter, “What are you doing??”

Acting dumb, “What do you mean?”, his eyes continue to look at the seat. “I mean why are you hiding?”, awkwardly he tries to hug Natsuo, “Hiding? I’m just trying to give my brother affection of course!”

Pushing the older’s arms off of him, Touya sits back and watches as his brother’s eyebrows scrunch in confusion, “Nice try, do you think I’m stupid?” “Yes.” “Shut up!”

Before they could continue with their teasing, Fuyumi walks out with a few items in hand, gesturing they go to the register and pay.

On their way there she asks, “What were you two arguing about?” Touya was reminded of why he froze to his seat and all the memories started to flood in. 

-

“What are you doing?” A small voice appeared next to him, rustling sounds as someone sat next to him.

Annoyingly, he turned to see who cared enough to bother him during lunch. Touya was frowning, wanting to go home and train but his frown vanished when he saw you. Your hair was split into pigtails with turquoise rubber bands and an all-might lunch box in your hands. 

“It’s none of your business.” He quipped, upset at such a person distracting him. He frowns again at your response, “That’s not very nice. My mom said if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.” 

He always hated that saying because it was something he needed to learn, “That’s stupid.” His arms are crossed, now angry at the scolding. Instantly you replied with, “You’re stupid!” 

Touya whipped his head around at your insult and he stood up, “You’re stupider!” He yelled, which caused you to yell even louder, “You’re the stupidest!” 

The little fight between you two somehow sparked into a competition to prove who wasn’t stupid by stating your test scores, to demonstrating your quirks, then arguing about pro-heroes. From that day forward you guys were glued to each other’s side, eating lunch and spending breaks together. Touya had even invited you to his house, to his mom’s delightful surprise.

Everyday was spent together,

until he died. 

The loss of Touya destroyed you, school had become lonely and you distanced yourself from people in fear of losing someone else. The other kids only knew you as the girl whose friend died, which made them avoid you and your grief.

After graduating middle school, you never continued in your path to become a hero, unable to stomach death and violence. Instead, you went to a normal high school and a little college that gave you enough knowledge to have a name to yourself that you were satisfied with. 

Despite the loss, the Todoroki’s never forgot about you; Anytime they saw you in public you guys would quickly catch up, you’ve even seen their mom once a few times. Rei was an angel to be around, she had a very caring aura even after everything she’s been through.

Honestly, you were incredibly nervous when visiting her, you shouldered a ton of guilt for not being able to save Touya from his desire to be a hero. She cried at the confession, Fuyumi did too, you all shared a lengthy and heartfelt conversation about your grief. 

After that conversation, you and Fuyumi grew very close! Whenever she wasn’t busy with teaching her students you guys would meet up and go to festivals, chat over drinks or freak out together over your guys’ shared interests. 

Fuyumi became one of your best friends so it was no surprise when you recognized her at the store. 

-

“Hey Yumi!!” You beam at his sister, your eyes bright as you walk around the counter to hug his sister. While Touya isn’t tall enough to tower over you, he still has to slightly look down to meet your eyes.

He watched as you both chatted, something about Fuyumi needing a last minute dress for their mom’s event, to you… also going.. to the event.

“What are you going to wear?” His sister asked, showing her outfit in her hands and questioning which one to buy. “I have the blue version of this dress! You should get this one so we can match!” Excitedly, you pointed at a simple white dress Fuyumi had in her hands, which made her grab the other dresses and reach them towards Natsuo.

“Could you put these dresses back please!” Natuso whined, “How am I supposed to know where they go?” Touya tries to keep his eyes remained on his brother in fear you’ll recognize him. Not that it would be shocking given that he announced his existence on national television.

Your arms come into view as you grab the clothes from his sister's hands, “It’s okay, I can put it away!” Feeling embarrassed, Fuyumi tries to exclaim that it’s okay and she can put it away but you insisted that it was your job.

So you work in this clothing store.

“Don’t worry about it, you’re always too kind to me Yumi. Come over to this register, I can ring you up!” The former villain doesn’t know whether or not to feel relieved or hurt that you haven’t noticed his presence. Maybe you did and you’re ignoring him? Or maybe you just think he’s one of Natsuo’s friends? There’s a million questions that run through his mind, so much so that by the time he snaps back to reality, you’re handing Fuyumi her receipt.

As they exit the store, he musters up some courage to look at you and to his shock you’re already looking at him. Instead of looking away, you give him a small smile and he matches it, before turning his attention to the door in front of him. 

The walk to the car is quiet, the sound of the wind rustling the trees and feet scratching against rocks on the road. He gets into the backseat, claiming the passenger seat makes him carsick.

Fuyumi was quick to address the elephant in the room, not even giving him time to put his seatbelt on, “Why didn’t you say anything?” She turned around and looked back at him.

Natsuo started the car but didn’t move to reverse, “Wasn’t she your first and only friend in school?” Touya pouted at the fact that his brother stated, you were his first crush too. 

“I doubt she recognized me or maybe she didn’t want to.” Being vulnerable was still a hard thing for him, so his sentence was merely whispered but curse Fuyumi for having good ears, “Don’t say that! Of course she recognized you, she was just shy. Plus, you didn’t even look at her!”

The elder scoffs at having not been slick, “Say something to her next time, she’s been wanting to talk to you.” Touya is confused at what his sister mentioned, “What do you mean she wants to talk to me??” 

Fuyumi’s expression makes it seem like she was caught doing something bad, but she was never good at secrets, “Yn is aware of your existence, she reached out to me when you were first admitted to the hospital after the fight all those years ago. She was very worried but didn’t feel like it was her place even though we insisted she visited. I really think you should talk to her.”

“Yeah talk to her! Don’t be a wuss big bro!”

“Shut up!”

That night, Touya couldn’t get any sleep, he was too busy thinking about all the times he would search for you when he was Dabi. There were too many times when he wanted to just go up to you, to watch you smile at him even if under the guise of customer service, but he couldn’t do that to you. Dabi didn’t want you to look at what he had become, what he’s done. So like his past, he erased you from his mind and focused on his goal.

-

Until his eyes could do nothing but focus on you standing right in front of him. 

Tonight he and his family (minus their dad of course, he wasn’t allowed near Natsuo) were in the ballroom of some hotel that his mom’s club was hosting. After getting out of the ward, his mom joined a community club that takes care of plants, it keeps her busy and happy.

This event was to celebrate the success of the plant business’ success in growth, there were mini games for the children of the members, food and a live band. It was quite nice, not as loud as he prepared himself for it to be.

Although, right now he couldn’t hear anything over the raging beat of his heart. There you were, greeting his mother. As always you were so beautiful, he couldn’t believe you were so close. The dress you were wearing did match Fuyumi’s, who just now bumped his shoulder, “Talk to her you idiot.” 

“How can I? I died, killed people, almost died, and now I’m-” His sister interrupts with that kind voice of hers, she was always so reassuring, “Alive, with a second chance. Trust me, she misses you.” 

Before Touya got a chance to think of a reply, you made eye contact with him. His mother followed her gaze and beamed at the sight of him, waving him down.

Touya could never say no to his mom, not anymore. So, against his will he walked towards you two. His eyes never once left yours even if he wanted to look away, hating the way you stared at him, it made him feel too conscious of his skin. While he doesn’t have staples of purple skin, it's still apparent where his scars were. 

“We’ll leave you two alone.” And just like that his mom and sister disappeared. The air was awkward, he didn’t know what to say. How does someone even start a conversation after everything he’s done?

Every doubt, any negative thought he’s ever had dissipates when he hears your angelic voice, “I like your hair.”

He can’t remember the last time he’s heard your voice that wasn’t through his jagged memories of you. It’s softer and smoother than when you were kids yet it carries a lightness that makes him straighten his back and hold out his hand towards you, 

“Would you like to dance?”

Heat crawls up his neck at the feeling of your soft hands grabbing his own, he feels like that naive little kid all over again.

With your hand in his, you both make your way to the dancefloor where the band starts to slow down their tune, a soft melody intertwining in the air, “I will be honest, I don’t actually know how to dance.” Touya admits embarrassingly, he didn’t have the time and even when he did he rejected any activity that wasn’t training. 

Slightly, you squeeze his hand in reassurance, “It’s okay, neither do I.” The most he knows about slow dancing is from the movies his siblings forced him to watch, who would’ve thought those dumb romance movies would have helped him.

“Is it okay if I?” His eyes gesture to his hands hovering above your waist, Shyly, you nod and he places his hands on your waist, gently moving your body closer to his. You take the close space as a sign to move your hands onto his shoulders.

Slowly, your bodies sway to the music, lights dim, colors of blue and a soft white flash over the dance floor, covering the red hue on Touya’s face. It was odd, two people who were friends for a few years in middle school met again a decade later at an event none of them were a part of. 

As always, you’re the one to break the silence, “How are you?” Your eyes are no longer looking into his, instead looking at the stupid tie he was forced to wear, “As good as a convicted criminal can be.” 

Nothing is said for a little bit, Touya starts to worry that he joked too soon, “How are you doing? I’m sorry for not saying anything when you were working.. I didn’t really know how to.”

Now you look up at him, “That’s stupid.”

He laughs at the memory that rises at your words, “A girl once told me that her mom told her, if you-” “Don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all, yeah yeah.” You roll your eyes as he mimics your words from your first encounter, that same smile you gave him when he saw you working but bigger, brighter too. 

“I’ve missed you yn.” 

Even with the dim lights, he can see the tears well up in your eyes, “I’ve missed you too, more than you could possibly ever know. I was so angry at you, learning how you died. I grieved for so long and when I was finally okay, the news of your existence flashed on my tv and I was angry all over again.” He hasn’t even realized that he was crying until your hands moved to wipe his tears, actual tears instead of thick lines of blood.

“I wanted to yell at you, to kick your ass, but seeing you in the hospital… I just wanted to talk to you again. I’m sorry I never visited.” Touya quickly assures you that there was no need for you to ever apologize and that it was him who needed to beg for your forgiveness for putting you through such pain.

“You’re free to do it all, I’m so sorry.” The tears wouldn’t stop flowing, years of guilt still streaming through him. 

“After all this time and you’re still a crybaby.” At the comment he turns his head away, a soft mutter denying such assumptions.

“‘m not a crybaby.” Your hand moves to turn his face towards yours, “That’s right, you’re a big crybaby.” He wants to be annoyed at the testing, but it’s you. Just like his family, his heart is weak for you. 

Years and years spent apart, the young flame his heart lit for you starts to warm again. The version of himself that met you still lives, still craving your presence. 

It’s too early to dive into those emotions, for now he’ll soak up the warmth your laugh radiates. He’s got all the time in the world.

© ihrthoney. reblogs & feedback are greatly appreciated𑁤

[thegreatobsesso]

last lines tag

Tagged by my awesome friend @foxboyclit! Ha, so, I said to myself "I have baller last lines to post" but then I went into those last lines and immediately wanted to flesh them and continue the scene, so you asked for last lines but now you're getting a whole thing. Sorry not sorry!!!

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Octavius throws on a lush-looking pinstriped robe and whisks off to the minibar. Milo’s never been a big drinker, but Octavius has offered him something at the end of every scene lately and it’s turned into something he very much enjoys. He's just not entirely sure if it's got more to do with the alcohol or implication he'd like him to stay longer.

“You know, I didn’t understand a single thing you said,” Milo laughs, watching Octavius pour two glasses of red wine. 

“Oh, of course not,” he replies easily, seating himself back down on the bed. He hasn’t closed the robe, only slung it over his arms in his usual unrepentant exhibitionist way. “There’s nothing to understand.”

Milo squints at this, settling against him. “What do you mean?”

“Part of being a successful businessman in the corporate world is learning to maximize the number of words coming out of your mouth while simultaneously minimizing the amount of actual content you're conveying,” he explains, lazily slinging a strong arm over Milo’s shoulders. “It’s a skill that’ll put a one in front of anyone’s base salary.”

“Bullshit.”

“Exactly.”

“No, I mean, that’s bullshit. It can’t be that simple.”

Octavius cranes his neck to smirk at Milo and he hears quite clearly the unspoken Aren’t you precious? “I’m afraid it is. A well-kept secret of the rich and soulless.”

Sexually sated as he is, his professional curiosity is able to take the wheel. And he shouldn’t let it, but-

“Do you ever... feel guilty?” he asks, shooting for levity.

“Guilty about spewing meaningless drivel at robots in suits?”

“No, not that.” He swirls his wine around in the glass as if he had a clue why people do it. “The other stuff. You just called yourself soulless. I guess I’m just wondering if you ever feel... bad, about hurting people.”

Octavius extricates himself from Milo completely, sitting up and looking him directly in the eye. For a second he’s worried he pushed too far, but the expression on his face is one of begrudging amusement. 

“You’re being a therapist,” he notes playfully, as if he’s caught Milo in something terribly sneaky.

“Well, that’s what I am,” he laughs, relieved that he hasn’t crossed some inexcusable line. “And yeah, alright, I can’t help but be a little interested in how you think. Does that... make you uncomfortable?”

Gears are turning behind those stupidly brown eyes of his, but Milo’s certain he’s not considering whether he’s uncomfortable or not. For the first time, it occurs to him this might be a question an informant would ask, and a spike of anxiety erases all other thought. Has he just fucked up? Has he just fucked Shaelynn and the whole fucking operation?

“I don’t feel bad,” Octavius says, and his speaking again is such a mercy Milo feels like he might pass out. “Mind you, and I mean this in the least self-deprecating way possible, I am a single cog in a massive machine. An important one, to be sure, but still only a cog. And I may be loathe to admit it, but that makes me entirely replaceable.”

By any estimation he can judge the matter, Milo believes it’s an honest answer. He clears his throat, emboldened. “You make it sound really easy.”

“It is easy. If I weren’t doing what I do, someone else would be, and the only difference would be that I wouldn’t be rich.” He grins, and the sight still flips Milo's heart over. “I wouldn’t be able to offer you a two hundred pound glass after fucking you inside out.”

He’s chosen that moment for a sip and hearing that makes him choke on it a bit. “You’re...”

Octavius sets his glass on the bedside table and crawls closer, dripping sensuality as he moves in close enough for Milo to smell cigar smoke clinging to his skin. “I’m what?”

And when he does stuff like this, when he knows he’s on the verge of turning Milo into putty, it awakens a tiny part of him that otherwise hibernates unperturbed. “An interesting specimen,” he replies, trying to keep a straight face.

As predicted, he’s pinned down in seconds, being kissed relentlessly, rendering any further attempts at brattiness completely impossible.

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(the uhh, context here is that Octavius just finished fucking Milo while actively on a business call and made Milo be completely silent while he spouted empty CEO jargon in an even tone through the entire thing.) who said that

Tagging @revenantlore, @diphthongsfordays, @pertinax--loculos and @asher-writes to share last lines if they're inclined!

Also adding my tag list and info here because this turned into An Entire Thing(tm)

--

✨ WIP intro

🔖 tag list: @winterandwords // @foxboyclit //@revenantlore

@space-writes // @indecentpause // @words-after-midnight

@asher-writes

comment to be added or removed!

📝 all posts from WIP: gay crime bdsm story

[slutfaking]

things i learned yesterday

never trust anyone over 25 who refuses to make friends

i am emotionally mature enough to have healthy boundaries

all or nothing thinking is a death spiral, sinking yourself into negativity whenever you feel it is a death spiral, being emo for the rest of your life is unsustainable, and if you don’t allow yourself to feel discomfort in order to improve you are never going to grow up

people who want to use you and the people in your life are attracted to you because of the stability you offer them, but this does not mean they will use it to improve.

it isn’t healthy to have zero boundaries in a romantic relationship yet be completely closed off in all other relationships. there are tiers of intimacy and relationships that consist of more than just two. you cannot always get exactly what you want from a relationship. there has to be room for compromise on both sides that is motivated by more than just fear of abandonment. you have to be willing to be there for someone emotionally before you can develop true intimacy. no serious healthy relationship happens overnight. its better to live for yourself first and foremost and fall in love with yourself in spite of how much you may hate yourself before you enter a relationship because if you base your entire sense of self and validation around a relationship your brain will inevitably betray you and compromise the relationship.

shutting people out is bad and immature. stonewalling is a terrible coping mechanism. i need to get over that, too, and the difference between you and i is i’m actually going to do it. for the longest time i had no one but my therapist. my best friend literally spiraled and died. you don’t know my life or my trauma and it isn’t a competition and you need to acknowledge that im going to talk about my feelings because your behavior affects them and if you want to talk about your feelings you need to address mine as well. get the fuck out of them lol. if you were a mature person instead of reassuring me every time because you couldnt bear to lose me and wanted to cooerce me into the goal that benefitted you the most, then the conversation would have gone very differently, but you are so caught up in your trauma that you actually looped around and instead of people pleasing like you think you are you became selfish, just like me at my worst points. you refuse to step outside of your own reality for even a second. you wear spikes to protect yourself... from genuine human connection. you refuse to work on your trust issues. yeah, bad shit happened to me when i trusted people too. i got over it! it took years of therapy and three hospitalizations. i was alone with people who didnt understand me and who abused me but i still did it. so stop acting like i had it any better than you. i worked so fuckinh hard. maybe i didnt have to work as hard as you but at the end of the day you chose not to utilize the tools that i chose to utilize, and you chose not to get help from others. that’s on you, irregardless of what trauma has taught you. so grow the fuck up and go make some real friends who will talk about your problems together till 2 am. go develop real intimacy instead of your romanticized, all or nothing version where everybody’s attacking you no matter what unless they dedicate their whole self to you. go to the fucking hospital

[b4rredteeth]

ABHINAV DEVI | also known as ABHI | identifies as BIGENDER, goes by HE/THEY, and is PANSEXUAL | born JANUARY 11th 1976 | from MADURAI, TAMIL NADU, INDIA | works as a PSYCHIATRIST at ANCHORAGE MENTAL HEALTH & COUNSELLING and ART THERAPIST at HOPEFUL LIGHT ART SHACK | is OVER-PROTECTIVE and MEDDLING, EMPATHIC & PROFOUND | lives in WINTERWOOD ESTATES | is known as THE FATHER DUCK

[death mention tw] Abhinav was born in Madurai, the oldest of five children. His father, a renowned doctor, more often got in the news for his strange escapades than his medical achievements. Eventually Abhi's mother moved them all to the United States, five children in tow, to live with her sister. The house wasn't big, and Abhinav's aunt had three kids of her own. Abhi, still the oldest, carried the responsibility for their well-being, which was making sure everyone went to school, did their homework, and got to their part-time jobs alright. He joined the circus when he graduated, it meant one less body in the house, and money coming in to support his siblings and mother. Even at the circus he continued his job as older sibling, picking up jobs wherever he could. Always a busy bee, Abhi made sure every second counted. He met the love of his life at age twenty, married at the circus, put himself through school to become a licensed psychiatrist, and raised his three kids, while always on the road. He figured he would always continue like that, until his wife died. And while the circus gave him so much support, he missed her too much to continue with the life-style he'd shared with her. So he moved himself and his three kids out to Anchorage, making sure they all got into the university of Alaska, because he knew a few old friends from the circus now lived there.

headcanons/wanted connections below

headcanons

Abhi is a very happy go-lucky person, he tends to joke a lot and offer unsolicited advice, but he can also get rather serious when a problem he sees might not be as easily solved as with a joke and a good hug.

Abhi identifies as bigender, this usually means cis-male and non-binary, though there are times when he feels like agender fits him more. It really depends on his mood, his gender-identity always spiked more in the moments when he looks in the mirror than how he feels in general.

He has three kids, the oldest is twenty-five (wc), the second twenty-three (wc), and the third eighteen. They are very often ashamed of their dad, because he likes to befriend all their friends and look cool.

He still calls his four younger siblings regularly, though all four went off into the wide world to follow in his (and his father's) footsteps. Two of them are doctors, one is a researcher, and one is a psychologist, he's proud of every single one of them. His three cousins are also still being pestered whenever he finds the time, one of them works at their father's company as an IT specialist, one has become a surgeon, and the youngest is starting a rap career (wc). He's especially worried about the youngest.

He doesn't talk about his father.

[death tw] when his wife died, he was in shambles, and he still has moments of intense grief over her death. He falls in love easily, and he knows his wife would've laughed at how easily he does, but he hasn't given himself the ok-go yet to move on, even though she died five years ago.

Abhi has lived in Anchorage for 5 years.

wanted connections

Colleagues turned friends from his two jobs.

Friends of his kids.

Edgy youngsters he can adopt and look out for.

Neighbours at Winterwood Estates.

People who are his patients at Anchorage Mental Health & Counselling and people who follow his art therapy sessions at Hopeful Light Art Shack

[lethalghosts]

being hit by a bus had taken a number of things from her: the final months of her junior year, heels, crossing the street without her heart rate spiking.

regina didn't want to let it take her love for the mall.

when the spinal halo had come off and her physical therapist cleared her for activities outside the house, regina's instinct was to seek solace in familiar, temperature controlled jungle. to be seen by people. but it was going to be weird without gretchen and karen. basically since they'd become friends, if one of them had to miss a shopping trip, pictures had to be sent to them for approval. outfits for important events? put on hold until they could all see it in person. she'd spent so long with her own made up rules that part of her craved an opinion. even just so she could ignore it.

so she had dragged shane along, but by the second store he'd become so annoying that she'd sent him to the food court in hopes he would get lost there. leaving regina alone in a dressing room, scrutinizing herself in the mirror. she wasn't indecisive-- if anything, her ability to make choices for everyone was why she'd been the queen of the plastics. but there was no one more critical of her than herself when she was alone with a mirror.

when she couldn't take it anymore, she scooped up everything that had looked remotely good on her, dumped it on a counter for someone to hold, and stalked out. they'd been working on her rage in therapy and she tried to remember that basically every bad thing that had happened in her life, like, ever was because of people's perceptions of her or something. but then, what was so wrong with wanting people to tell you that you're pretty?

the scents of a thousand soaps hit her and regina is suddenly aware of where she is in the mall. how many times had she walked by pretending like she didn't know janis worked there and wanting janis to notice?

she made another decision.

"can i borrow you for like, five minutes?"

@femmeraege

[workscounselingcenter]

The Mental Health Toll on Volleyball Players

Volleyball is a beautiful, fast-paced sport that demands not only physical prowess but also mental resilience. While fans often cheer at the powerful spikes and gravity-defying digs, they might be unaware of the mental health toll that volleyball players often endure. Behind the scenes, athletes grapple with intense pressure, perfectionism, and the physical demands of the game. In this blog, we will explore the unique challenges volleyball players face and how these affect their mental well-being.

Volleyball players experience immense pressure to perform at their best, both individually and as part of a team. The game often involves split-second decisions, intense concentration, and quick reflexes. Whether it’s a crucial serve, a game-deciding block, or a match-winning spike, the margin for error is slim, and the pressure to execute flawlessly is constant. This relentless pursuit of perfection can take a significant toll on a player’s mental health. Anxiety and fear of failure can lead to performance anxiety, a common issue among athletes. The fear of letting down teammates, coaches, and fans can lead to sleepless nights, loss of appetite, and a persistent sense of unease.

Volleyball is a physically demanding sport, requiring players to maintain peak fitness levels throughout the season. The pressure to stay in top shape often leads to overtraining, a common cause of physical and mental burnout. Overtraining syndrome can manifest in symptoms such as chronic fatigue, irritability, and decreased performance. Overtraining doesn’t just affect the body; it can also take a toll on an athlete’s mental health. Constantly pushing one’s limits without adequate rest and recovery can lead to feelings of frustration, helplessness, and, in severe cases, depression. Players may also feel a sense of isolation as they focus on their training at the expense of personal relationships and interests.

Volleyball players, especially those at the college or professional level, often face high expectations from coaches, fans, and themselves. The desire to excel and meet these expectations can be overwhelming, leading to intense stress and anxiety. The fear of not living up to one’s potential or not reaching the pinnacle of the sport can be a heavy burden to bear.

Furthermore, the volleyball community often fosters a culture of perfectionism. Players are conditioned to be self-critical and to focus on their weaknesses. While striving for improvement is essential, an excessive emphasis on flaws can contribute to low self-esteem and mental health issues, including eating disorders and body image concerns.

Injuries are a part of any athlete’s journey, and volleyball players are no exception. Sprains, strains, and more serious injuries like ACL tears can force players to sit on the sidelines, watching their teammates compete. The emotional toll of being unable to contribute to the team can be devastating. Recovery from injuries, both physical and mental, can be a long and draining process. Athletes may experience frustration, anger, and sadness during their rehabilitation. The fear of reinjury can create a lingering sense of vulnerability, leading to anxiety and depression.

The demanding schedules of volleyball players can often lead to social isolation. Training, practices, and games can consume the majority of an athlete’s time, leaving little room for personal and social life. This isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and estrangement from friends and family, contributing to mental health issues.

While the mental health toll on volleyball players is a significant concern, there is a growing awareness of the importance of mental health support in the world of sports. Athletes are now encouraged to seek help when needed, whether through sports psychologists, counselors, or team therapists. Many organizations are taking steps to provide resources and education on mental health, aiming to reduce the stigma surrounding it. Additionally, coaches and teammates can play a pivotal role in creating a supportive and empathetic environment. Team cohesion and communication can help athletes cope with the stress and challenges of their sport, fostering a sense of belonging.

Volleyball players, like athletes in any other sport, face unique mental health challenges due to the pressure, expectations, and physical demands of their game. It’s crucial to acknowledge and address these challenges to promote the well-being of these dedicated athletes. The awareness and support for mental health in the world of volleyball are growing, and as we continue to destigmatize mental health discussions, we can help players not only excel on the court but also thrive in their personal lives.

Please get in touch. We will be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

[bejinyoung]

he smiles, just a brief flash of lips tensing against his teeth, and yet jinyoung can't feel any joy behind it. at least he knows he's being sensitive, that joomi means nothing by saying he likes sooyoung more other than a joke and that he shouldn't take it to heart. he doesn't take it to mind at least, making the conscious decision not to declare that it bothers him. it's another thing they're talking through in therapy; not everything is an attack on moon jinyoung. it's okay to let things go, to not take every little slight as a call to battle and immediately begin putting on armor and spikes. realistically, people would like sooyoung better. jinyoung himself would probably admit that he likes his sister more than his own self at times too.

"yeah," he agrees lamely instead, neither laughing nor spiraling. somehow it makes the invisible tension between them worse, another weight added to the string that was already threatening to break. whether that results in an explosion or relief... jinyoung doesn't really want to find out.

joomi hands him the piping bag, or at least attempts to, and jinyoung shakes his head to decline. "no thanks," he chooses to lean against the counter instead, away from the cupcakes to be decorated. "i'm just a baker, not a decorator. you'll probably do a better job than me." how many times has he made sooyoung decorate her own treats for her birthday when jinyoung was too worried about ruining everything? ever since he blundered them badly he has entirely given up on making frosting look even halfway decent; he'd say it's just acknowledging that his skills lay elsewhere, surprisingly humble for a man who's usually a braggart.

what were we? the thought flits through jinyoung's head as he watches joomi, left without anything else to do until the oven tells him it's time to take out the second batch to cool. he hasn't quite told his therapist everything. she's nice enough, understanding about everything he's said so far, but he's not so sure about telling anyone related to the company about current romances, let alone romances with other men. he supposes she may consider it part of his issues, that it's another thing about him that needs to be fixed. jinyoung doesn't want to fix it, even if it's wrong. but it means he has to figure joomi out on his own, without the help of a professional who can help guide him to answers that continue to evade him.

is it simply reflex when jinyoung wants to graze his fingers over the back of joomi's hand just to feel the softness and warmth of his skin beneath his touch? is it only loneliness that inspired him to offer his pillow as the place for joomi to lay his head every night for the last couple of months? he doesn't know, which means there's the slightest bit of room for doubt that it was something else, something other than the desperation to be liked, to be seen. and if there's a chance that it was something else, then how great are those chances? jinyoung doesn't know. he just knows that he still kind of wants to kiss the man in front of him. he knows he misses the feeling of gentle hands running through his hair, the warmth of a body pressed against his own on cold nights. he misses having someone to laugh with; even though they're still friends, it hasn't felt the same. he wonders if that's a bad thing or not.

"i need to grab... something," he makes the excuse to remove himself from the kitchen for a moment, to put physical space and a visual barrier between them to try to clear his head. too many thoughts and memories linger around this place with this person. "i'll be right back. but, uh, shout for me if the oven goes off and i don't hear it."

joomi can't help but think of the last time things were this awkward between him and jinyoung: the first time joomi was ever in this kitchen, last summer, following next gen. jinyoung was folding in on himself then, too; making cupcakes and grieving a dream.

joomi knows better than to think that night and tonight will end the same way. he just can't help but notice the similarities, like someone rewound them into a different life. in this life, jinyoung thinks about his trauma and tries to solve his problems, and joomi knows he loves him. maybe they never hated each other, and maybe jinyoung never kisses him. maybe joomi has to learn to live with that.

there are far worse things to be than jinyoung's friend. part of joomi thinks this is good for him, too: understanding jinyoung's true depth and complexities outside of the hookups and mornings waking up next to him. it's a good test of his own motives. sometimes, in all of joomi's overthinking, he would worry he was one of the people objectifying jinyoung.

that concern has really just morphed into a new and different fear: is he only still by jinyoung's side because he's anticipating things going back to how they were? is that all he wants jinyoung in his life for? he's been doing a lot of thinking too. joomi always does a lot of thinking. he makes himself sick with it, sometimes. the only time he ever stopped thinking long enough to breathe was when jinyoung kissed him. he hasn't learned. he hasn't learned to live with that yet.

what matters most is that there's still time. he doesn't know why everything always feels so urgent. he and jinyoung's contracts with studio delta were renewed for a year; they have a whole year of seeing each other every day left to go, at the very least. there's no rush. joomi has been in therapy for three years and still has so much shit he's working on. how can he expect jinyoung to have it sorted out in...what, three weeks? it feels so stupid when put into perspective like that.

he just misses him. ultimately, that's what it is. he wonders if jinyoung knows how happy he was sleeping in with him on sunday mornings; that he'd never been happier in his entire life. maybe it's better that he doesn't. it's scary. it scares joomi. god knows it would scare jinyoung.

they're here now, though, side by side, over cupcakes, and joomi breathes. there's nothing wrong with going back to square one, and joomi does want to be here, even if jinyoung never kisses him again. he isn't sure why yet. he just knows he does.

he turns his attention to the first batch of cupcakes when jinyoung mentions them, and nods. he already got the icing ready in one of their frequent silent moments, stuffing it into the weird frosting bags he forgets the name of that he bought just for this occasion, because sooyoung deserves at least one cupcake that looks good and they have a much better shot of it this way than trying to frost it all with nothing but a knife and package of icing.

jinyoung thanks him, and joomi smiles at him, soft and sincere. "yeah, of course. i like sooyoung too." he really does. she's been nothing but wonderful to him. she's funny and warm and like jinyoung in many ways, but more responsible, and also...smarter. "more than you, actually," he adds, teasing, his smile widening. he's only joking, but maybe not entirely. he loves jinyoung, but sooyoung is just...objectively more likable. he thinks jinyoung would probably agree. he hopes the comment makes jinyoung laugh, though, and doesn't accidentally prompt some kind of crisis.

"do you want to do the honors?" he asks, extending the icing bag to jinyoung in case he wants to try his hand at decorating a cupcake first. "i can just fill a second one with icing anyway. i bought a three pack of reusable ones because all the others were like, 100 packs of disposable ones and that sounded really bad for the environment."

[paradoxolotl]

Okay, y’all asked for the rest of that Mama Bee scene, so here you go! First part is still attached but now you get the whole thing ~

Bee was late coming home. She was always home by six, because she liked to be home to have dinner together and to be there if Andrew needed help with his homework. He never did, but he had gotten used to her quiet presence in the background, quietly reading or knitting as he did his work. She was always there, and now, it was closer to seven and she still wasn’t home. Andrew didn’t like it when things changed. He didn’t like it when Bee, who had her house and life so very carefully arranged, deviated from the norm.

Frowning at the clock, the second hand a steady marching beat, Andrew dug his fingers into his arms. Something hot and prickly was creeping through his chest, and he didn’t know what it was. Bee kept trying to get him to use the stupid emotion wheel she kept in the living room, telling him it would help in identifying what he was feeling. Andrew didn’t care what he was feeling, he just needed it to stop.

The minute hand ticked over.

Maybe there was more traffic than usual. Maybe she needed to grab something at the store. His fingers dug harder into his skin. They were weak excuses at best, and he knew it. A voice in the back of his mind, growing louder by the minute, said she was at the agency. Telling them to come get him, to take him away.

The feeling spiked.

Lashing out, he knocked a plate of the counter, watching it shatter on the tile floor. Shards skittered towards him, glinting in the sunlight coming in through the window. He stared at them, tiny pinpricks, their edges sharp enough to burrow into his skin. His bare toes curled, his weight shifting.

“Andrew?”

Startling at the voice, Andrew stepped back, a shard digging into his heel. Burying his reaction down deep, he stared at Bee. She was looking at the mess on the floor, brows pinched together. Andrew’s mind was moving too fast, his body feeling too much, and he couldn’t tell if she was angry. She must be, because he broke a plate, and the pieces were blue which meant it was one of her favourites. People usually got angry at Andrew for much less.

She looked up at him, and Andrew felt his shoulders start to creep up. He didn’t like this. He didn’t like standing here, waiting for her to tell him he had to leave. He didn’t like not knowing what she was thinking.

“Andrew-”

“You are late,” he said, cutting her off.

Bee blinked, face smoothing out. “I am, and I am sorry about that.” She looked down at the floor again, and Andrew braced himself. “I’m going to go grab a broom. Stay there? I don’t want you stepping on anything.”

Andrew didn’t care if he stepped on anything else. His heel was burning, and when he shifted, he could feel how the tile beneath his foot was glowing slick. When he didn’t react, Bee stepped back, sending him one last look before disappearing down the hall. Looking down at his feet, at the shattered remains of the plate, Andrew felt something hot trickle down his throat.

He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay here with Bee, where he had a lock on his door and Saturday grocery trips and someone to play cards with and where he felt warm and nice and safe. Rapidly, he ran through the last few months in his mind. There must have been something he did that was the last straw. Something that he could point to and know that that was when he had ruined his chance at a home.

Swallowing, he crouched down. He had always been awful to Bee. It was always his fault. He just wanted to fix this. Picking up the broken pieces, he planned how he would tell her how he would be better. He wouldn’t cause any more problems at school, he would keep the house clean, he would go see a stupid therapist, he would do anything if he could just stay.

The floorboards creaked, and Andrew tightened his grip on the pieces he had gathered, trying to sweep up the rest. His skin stung, tiny points of pain like constellations across his hands. He heard when Bee reached the kitchen doorway, her steps faltering. Looking up, he saw her looking at him with wide eyes, broom clutched tightly in her hands.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to. I’ll clean it up.”

“Andrew,” her voice was tight, and Andrew turned away, picking up another piece. “Andrew, stop.”

His hands were shaking. When he spoke, his voice was strained. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t-”

“Shh,” she soothed. Her toes came into his vision, and then she was kneeling in front of him. Her hand hovered over his own. “Honey, you’re hurting yourself.”

“I broke a plate.”

“That’s why I went to grab the broom.”

Something was buzzing in his ear. He shook his head rapidly. “It was one of your favourites.”

“It’s just a plate, Andrew. Plates break sometimes. They’re not worth hurting yourself over.”

He shook his head again. She didn’t get it. He needed to fix this. He needed to make it so he was worth keeping.

Bee moved away, and Andrew choked down his words. His hand twitched, and fire ran up his arm. Ruined. He always ruined everything. His chest was tight, and everything felt too hot and too close. Just as he felt as if he was about to snap, Bee reappeared, placing a trashcan beside them. Slowly, she took Andrew’s hands and guided them to the bin.

“Let them go, Andrew,” she said softly. “It’s okay.”

Still unable to meet her eyes, Andrew opened his hands. The pieces fell, creating a small music of their own as they landed. Both of his palms were covered in tiny cuts, dots of red slowly appearing. On his left hand, a jagged piece was stuck in his skin, a stain slowly moving across it. In his peripheral, he saw Bee sweeping the broom across the kitchen, gathering up everything he had missed. He wanted to tell her to stop, that he would do it, but his jaw was locked and the words inside him felt too much like a scream.

Tapping the dustpan into the trash, Bee settled in front of him again. There was the sound of a zipper, as she opened up the first aid kit. Her hands were always soft and warm, and she took Andrew’s gently. He watched silently as she methodically removed all of the slivers in his skin, each one joining the others with a final tiny sound. She dapped each cut with antibiotic cream, not missing a single one. She saved the jagged piece for last, inspecting his hand before finally removing it. Blood pooled immediately, and Bee quickly pressed gauze into his hand.

Closing his fingers around it, he stared down at his hands.

“Your foot is bleeding.”

Shuffling around to sit cross legged on the floor, Andrew accepted the tweezers from her. She knew he didn’t like his feet being touched. Carefully, he eased out the last piece from his body, dropping it into the trash. Cleaning away the blood that had gathered, he kept his eyes on what he was doing, until he pressed a bandage over it. When he had nothing else to keep busy with, he focused on the trash, where Bee was dumping all of the used medical supplies.

“I didn’t mean to cause you any stress,” Bee said as she packed away the kit. “I was late, and I should have called you.”

“Where were you?” Andrew risked a glance up at her face, a pit opening in his stomach at the pinched expression he found. He knew the answer before she even opened her mouth. “The agency.”

She blinked at him before nodding slowly. “Yes, I was.”

“Why.” Why wasn’t he good enough? Why didn’t she want him anymore? Rage and hurt and panic rushed through him, and he curled his hands into fists to hide their shaking.

“I got a call today from a friend of mine. To offer me a job with a colligate Exy team they’re starting. I think their goal is honourable, and I would like to be a part of it.” Andrew blinked at her. That didn’t explain why she had to go to the agency. Her face was calm when she said, “It’s in South Carolina.”

He sucked in a sharp breath. It wouldn’t have mattered then, even if he had been perfect. Bee was leaving, and he couldn’t follow. No matter what he did, he couldn’t keep her.

“Okay,” he said quietly, pulling his knees up to his chest. He didn’t know why it hurt so much. He should have been used to this by now. “When are they coming to get me?”

Bee blinked rapidly before her face fell, “Andrew, honey, no. No one is coming to get you!”

“You’re moving,” he said, panic slowly clawing its way up his body.

“I might be moving, yes. But only if that’s okay with you. I don’t want to uproot your whole life for a job if you don’t want to.”

He stared at her, trying desperately to grapple with confusion and fear and what might have been hope. “It doesn’t matter what I want.”

“Of course it matters,” Bee said firmly.

He shook his head. If he told her that he didn’t want her to go, that he wanted her to stay with him, she would always resent him. She already said she wanted this job. He wouldn’t get in the way of that.

Something broke across her face, and then she was cupping his cheeks, cradling his face. “Andrew Joseph,” she said. “You don’t honestly think I would move without you, do you? If I take this job, you would be coming with me.”

Something in his chest snagged and tangled. “You were at the agency.”

“I needed some information,” she said, brushing his bangs off of his forehead. “I had been looking into this for a while, and with this job offer it feels a bit like things are lining up. If you don’t want it, I understand and won’t say anything else about it again. I’ll do whatever will make you happy, Andrew.”

“I don’t understand,” he said.

Bee’s hands fell into her lap, fingers clasped tight together. “I was thinking, if you would like,” she swallowed and took a deep breath before saying very carefully, “that I could adopt you. I’ve been looking into it for a while, and of course, the decision is up to you. I spoke to the agency, and it is possible to move us without adoption, if you’d prefer that, or we don’t have to move at all-”

She was rambling now, but Andrew couldn’t focus on what she was saying. He was stuck, frozen in time. A small tendril of warmth curled around him, and he held onto it tightly. “You want to keep me?”

Bee finally stopped, her shoulders falling. A smile was on her face, a little wobbly around the edges. “I really do. You’re my family, Andrew. With or without the papers. You can take time to think it over; it’s a big decision.” He could hear the hope threading through her voice, something she was trying to hold back for his sake.

“I don’t need to think about it,” he said, and she stilled, emotions crossing in her eyes too quickly for Andrew to place. Moving along the floor, he stopped beside her and wrapped his arms around her middle, his head falling on her shoulder. She smelled like lavender and sugar, and it filled him with a warmth that he had never truly felt before. Andrew blinked, but failed to keep back the tears gathering. They rolled down to fall onto the soft cotton of Bee’s shirt. He squeezed a little tighter, and her arms came up to hold him close. “Does this mean I get to call you mom now?”

Bee hiccupped a laugh, and she pressed a kiss to his hair. They stayed on the floor, holding each other close, neither willing to let go. When Bee’s fingers tucked his hair behind his ear, her own tears falling, Andrew felt a smile break across his face. For the first time in his life, Andrew had a home.

~~

Here’s a scene from after the move

And the original post, introducing the twinyards

[darkcavewriting]

Damaged AF

What a mess I am

It is no secret at all that I am a horribly damaged person. This isn’t something I have been good at hiding or even something I have all that much tried to hide to be honest. Perhaps I have hidden or tried to hide the extent of the damage. Either to people around me or even to myself. I am truly not quite sure. Maybe I was trying to tell myself it wasn’t as bad as it really was. Of course it was that bad, it was most of the time even worse.

Ever since my therapy appointment the about a month ago I have been trying to come up with the words to write about it. It hasn’t been easy. The pain of going back and thinking about that relationship, as many years ago as it was. Even though it only lasted for about 2 years of my life, it has had a profound negative impact on me and who I am. I am a shell of the person I was before I met her, and I am truthfully terrified I will never be close to the person I was before I met her ever again.

Having my therapist tell me that I was lucky to get out of the relationship alive hit me, a whole lot harder than I expected. I hadn’t expected her to say that honestly. Once I had found out about my ex’s diagnosis, I knew that being with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Personality Disorder, depression, and the like wasn’t going to be easy on me, but I don’t think I ever fully grasped just how bad it was, or how much worse it could have been still, both for me and for her as well. I didn’t find out about the diagnoses until we had been talking for a while and possibly not till I had already gone to London to visit, I truly don’t remember. All I can say it was after I was already heavily mentally and emotionally invested in everything with her.

I second guess everything anymore. I have anxiety about a lot of things now, before her I would only be anxious sometimes, and usually only if I was in a large crowd in an unfamiliar location. Big crowds in familiar places like airports, stadiums, and the like were never an issue for me. Now I get anxious talking to people, anxious when I feel like people are taking a long time to respond to messages, or it seems like their tone changes. I am horribly anxious that friends, people I have known for years, will just vanish, and stop talking with me. Those fears may have been slightly present before, but they are dramatically worse now, and I utterly hate it. I rarely ever feel calm anymore or at peace, and that sucks. I expect things almost to go from one crisis to another, that is what it seemed like life was like for those two years.

I think a lot of that has to do with perpetually being left on read by her, or getting the silent treatment for hours, or days, when she would take something I said out of context or not listen to my explanation of it and then refuse to speak to me for however long. Also when there was nights she would go out with her friends/roommates and I would hear nothing of her, and would have to check various social media to make sure she was still alive. There was a constant state of worry, especially when there was one night that she did end up in A+E at hospital and I don’t think I ever got a real explanation of why she went there. If I did, I don’t remember, it was either someone spiked her drink, or it was the time she tried to take a ton of pills and kill herself, I don’t really remember. I hate to admit it but so much of that just blurs together. I know there was one night she did get her drink spiked, came home and we talked on Skype and then she had no recollection of it the next day, the whole situation was just a mess.

The fact she threatened to kill herself if I ever left or ended things wasn’t a great thing to be confronted with either. I was walking on eggshells with her all the time. I was never at ease. Whenever I was there in the UK, at Heathrow, and flying back home to the states, she said if I went through security and got on the plane we were done. She knew good and well I couldn’t just leave my job in the states, or my parents, grandparents, etc. It wasn’t like I had any sort of Visa that would allow me to stay and work in the UK and I sure as hell didn’t have enough money to last there more than a few months, nor could she afford to take care of both of us on her part time salary. By the time I got home to the states I would usually have to apologize a ton for leaving and then within a couple days I would hear from her and things would go back to normal, whatever normal was.

On a couple occasions I ended up with a headache from tension/stress/anxiety or whatnot that lasted for weeks on end without going away. I think at the peak I had one that lasted over two months. It wasn’t bad but it was annoying as hell. It never just stopped being there reminding me it was there, and I knew good and well the relationship was the cause of it. I don’t know why I stayed as long as I did. Partially I feel was because I was scared she would go through with killing herself. I didn’t want that hanging on my conscious, even though it wouldn’t have really been my fault, I never would have gotten over it I am sure. Even after she cheated on me, at least once, likely several times, I still couldn’t bring myself to end things, I kept hoping things would get better, and occasionally they did for a little while, and then they went right back to how they were before. It wasn’t great.

It finally ended, she ended it, she met someone else, someone local, and, well that was it. I blocked and deleted her on everything before after a couple weeks when it was obvious she was gone and wanted nothing to do with me anymore and I haven’t heard a word from her in years now. Truthfully no idea if she is still alive.

I should have been responsible and gone into therapy after getting out of the relationship. I didn’t though. Partially because my health insurance at the time wasn’t the best, and I would have had to pay for the first $2,200 or so in fees out of pocket, and also because I really didn’t want to admit to myself exactly how damaged I was after the relationship. Being out of the relationship, I seemed better, I felt better, but as time has gone on, I have shown to myself that I am indeed not better at all. Therapy would have probably done me some good, a lot of good, more good than jumping back into dating about 5 months after things ended. That was not my smartest work, that is for sure. And from that, it is how we got to where I am now still a mess.

There is also the fact that before that relationship there was well ever since I started dating when I was what, 20 I think, nothing but a string of generally bad relationships, one after another, some lasting for a few weeks, some for a few months or a year or so. Only one decent relationship that lasted three or so years and I was stupid enough to end it. I didn’t have any real reason to but I did and in some ways I kind of regret it. She has since gotten remarried (she was married before she met me) she was also 14 years older than me, which, well, yeah, I don’t know it just kind of worked for us. But no, I have had countless crap relationships and an equally high amount of crap sex if I am being honest, and well, lets be honest, it all sucks.

I know also it didn’t help that a couple years after the UK relationship ended my dad died. None of us had any idea how unwell he was, he didn’t know how unwell he was. There was no indication he would be gone so soon. After losing him, I went downhill even more than already was, and the spiral has just kept going since then. I am numb, and unsure of everything, and have just been along for the ride ever since. He was doing poorly for about 4 or 5 months or so. It was some sort of blood infection and that and a handful of other things were listed on the cause of death on the death certificate.

In about a 5 year time period since I moved back home from Reno I lost both grandfathers, my dad, and a co-worker who was like a dad to me in some ways. It hasn’t helped, at all. All of that loss in such a short time period and yeah, there is nothing easy about that whatsoever. Now all that is left is my mom, grandmother, and my aunt, and me. Being an only child and an only grandchild isn’t my idea of a good time. Anymore everything falls to me, and fuck is it exhausting, mentally and physically, and there is no way it is going to get any easier any time soon.

I daydream on the way to work of making a wrong turn, instead of making the turn to get onto the ramp for the bridge to go to work, instead going further north and making the turn onto I-84 East instead and just going, with no real plan, away from here, with whatever is on my person. I am an empty shell of the person I once was. I have so many things I want to do with my life but I feel there is no way I can do them, there is no encouragement, the is no anything here at home pushing me to do the things I want to do. All I want to do is sleep and do mindless things to distract myself from how horribly unhappy I am.

There are a few bright spots at least. I am relieved I am in therapy, and with someone who gets it, between the damage from the past relationship, all the grief and loss, the damage from childhood, the damage from well, everything really. I need to do a lot to heal, need to do a lot to be the version of me that I want to be, the best version of me. There are also a couple really great people I have in my corner who have been a massive help through things, who have been encouraging of me getting better. The worst part is, I am terrified of losing them too thanks to all the trauma, even though I know I wont leave me, my mind thinks I will and that is something I am going to need to somehow unlearn and it isn’t going to be an easy process,

I have a long way to go to get better. I have to somehow start putting myself, my own well being, mental, emotional, physical, first for the first time in probably a decade, and that is going to be a serious challenge. It has to happen, and change though, otherwise I know the stress will send me somewhere I don’t want to be way too soon. Things have to change, and I have to be in charge of those changes, otherwise I am just going to be as miserable going forward as I have been for as long as I can remember.

I mean, I don’t really feel that any aspect of my life has been all that easy, but maybe that is normal, I don’t know. All I do know is that I want to be happier, I want to be better, I just want just be, well, the me that I know or feel that I can be. I don’t know. I lack motivation, I lack the will to work on my many countless projects like I mentioned to you. I know they are there, I know they need to be worked on, and I think about them all the time, yet I don’t actually do anything writing on them, and well, there is the issue.

Thank you for reading this, I know none of it is exactly happy, and it doesn’t paint me in the best of light, but it is who I am, or most of who I am, and well, yeah, I don’t know where I am going from here, but it needs to be somewhere better.

[i-love-hobbies]

Eda may have more trauma than what we've seen on screen - theory

Her seeing a lot of death I think is a fact.

She has been a criminal for three decades and she ate a dude while being so chill about it. For someone to be this chill they have to have seen a lot of death and recovered from it.

She is extremely reckless like on another level when she doesn't (or refuses to) recognize the danger. We've seen her permanent record. She also got caught by Warden Wrath. She almost had Amity stabbed with a lot of spikes. She fell for a scam (for thirty years she has been a scammer) for an elixir, cause of cards.

She got herself scammed kinda on purpose just so she can prove to be better than Lilith. She actually got caught by the fun police.

She fell for Luz's apple blood signs (how bad is that problem?). She punched a guard. She almost had Amity get blasted. She told King to echolocate the lake (I know they didn't get caught and that she was expecting that as she has experience with the coven but why risk it?). She had to hit the fool's blood.

Now obviously the roots of this problem come from her parents. Her mom was probably very ignorant of her behaviour and her dad fired fireworks in the house (In my opinion this was her second transformation ever. So my problem is "in the house".)

Ok so her growing up with this problem makes sense but she has shown to respect others' opinion. She respects a fourteen year old from another dimension without natural magic and a kid which till now didn't have magic and she has no idea which species he is from.

Yes telling her "just follow the rules" like Lilith and teachers did would not work but Raine seems like the person who would recognise why rules are there in the first place and straight up say:

- You want Bump to allow you to study every track. Well don't have him completely dependent on the Emporer's coven money by breaking everything.

Now this obviously didn't work immediately, but it should have planted a seed, right?

How has she not grown out of her biggest flaw? It's been near five decades. For five decades she refuses to change?

What was stopping her? The guards she can mop the floor with? Yes she was in isolation, because of her choices, curse and wild magic but again didn't do anything till now about it.

1. Isolation 2. Bigger problem with the curse and talking to people 3. Bigger isolation

Again she didn't break the cycle for three decades. Why?

She has been shown to be very adaptive. She probably had to change at least a bit to find herself with someone with stage fright, to rebel against her mom's cures and find an elixir, to be able to so drastically change her point view of the coven system, that she accidentally inspires someone to rebel. And is overall a very mature person when it comes to her giving advice.

Then she completely pauses and refuses to change in any way. Refuses to learn from her mistakes. Refuses to learn how to manage her curse better. Just stops.

Then Luz shows up and she is adaptive again.

What happened in between? She never needed to learn to be adaptive or to put herself in other people's shoes cause she already knew how, someone just needed to show her affection.

Now here is my theory. She was apart of a rebellion or better yet she led one at some point in the past and before it and while being in it, she had overcame her reckless problem thanks to Raine.

We have seen the difference between what she was going through while she was a scammer and while she was actually proactive in a pretty small rebellion. It was a big difference. She probably thinks Raine is death. At first it felt kinda safe and then BAM.

Also her punching the guard for some stranger, her line "Only truths!" which as pizzaboat pointed out is just her saying "I'll tell you only if you catch me just like always!" her leadership when it came to Raine's rebellion that fell cause Raine fell for a trap.

Also I should probably point out Raine's rebellion as it feels relevent. I think they had a family or close friends that died in this thirty years (maybe in Eda's rebellion, maybe cause of stuff that was curable back in the savage ages when a lot of plants weren't extinct).

And then they finally decided to act while before they were just trying to join the ranks as they're plan was to destroy the system from the inside so minimum people would die, but they finally really started recruiting people, recently.

On the other hand I think Eda, after finding out how her sister was treated and probably distanced herself even more from her, cause of the fear of the curse hurting her even more and going to the forbidden part of the library, found the author of the unauthorized history book, who was probably in the rebellion that formed immediately as Belos became emporer (there is no way such a rebellion didn't exist).

From them she learned exactly what she was getting herself into and what was actually effective and started learning how to form a rebellion, before even becoming officially a criminal.

Also I think she probably used a fake identity so her family doesn't get attacked ones she became a wild witch. I'm imagining dark green clothes with red eye contacts and no hair.

While being in the rebellion she probably learned a lot of skills and went through a lot of trauma, as death was kinda normal, with the help of her mentor and her new found apple blood problem.

I think the rebellion also succesided in something but mostly it failed miserably and the rebellion was destroyed with her probably the only survivor (at the very least her mentor dies).

Also I'm still begging for an Eda vs Belos fight which is definitely not happening outside of a flashback.

Also if hundreds really did die Infront of her in the matter of a week, maybe even in a second if Belos came personally. She probably needed someone who fulfilled the role of a therapist and probably for a long time no one had heard of her or her other identity as she was hiding in the forest cause of the flashbacks she had.

Not sure what happened to the therapist but I wouldn't be surprised if they're dead.

This combined with her nightmares I think is something she is still recovering from by refusing to recognize danger, by trying to escape reality. By being so reckless so she can feel better and have fun always.

Anyway if I'm right imagen how hard s1ep18/19 and s2ep7 hit her.

[cricketcampbell]

Over the course of the night and a few consumed substances later, Cricket had slowly come to the horrifying realization that there was actually something quite unsettling about being in a room of essentially faceless people.

While realistically she was aware that she most likely knew many of them, she couldn't help but feel a surge of panic beginning to rise up in her, especially as she lowered her phone from her ear after yet another failed attempt to locate Maura.

They'd promised to make their way back to each other for the countdown, but hadn't had the forethought to pick a meeting spot--and with only fifteen minutes to midnight, Cricket was mentally preparing herself to have to kiss one of the faceless randos of her nightmares.

(Her therapist was going to have fun unpacking that one with her).

She'd just started to rank the least scary looking masks when she saw, more than she heard, Maura make her way over to her, the comforting grip of her friend's arms wrapped tight around her own bringing Cricket back down to earth.

"Oh, thank God." Cricket huffed, free hand coming up to rest against Maura's, already turning them in the direction of the bar. "I think I need two to erase the thirty seconds I just spent thinking about how to avoid getting my eyes plucked out by that guy's spikes." She shuddered at the thought. "Starting the new year off with no eyes would have sucked so hard."

@maura-cortes

with: @cricketcampbell

where: seascape nye, close to midnight

"There you are!" Maura called over the sound of the music playing, her whole body seeming to throw itself at Cricket as she wrapped her arms around Crickets arm, clinging to her friends side. "Did you see the time? I think we maaaaybe have time for one more shot before its next year."

[awarmbowlofhomemadesoup]

AceAro Miles Edgeworth’s Platonic Crush on Phoenix Wright Headcanons

Platonic crush: the desire to be platonically intimate with someone without romantic or sexual attraction. Intensity like any kind of crushes can vary. 

In Childhood:

When they were children, Miles would often talk more about Phoenix than Larry, to the point that Ray Shields began teasing him about having a crush on Phoenix. And Miles would be like, “No?” because last time he checked he wasn’t experiencing that “heart stuff” that he sees in zany cartoons.

When they have to sit and rest somewhere, Miles would read a book with at least his knee touching Phoenix. Or if there was enough space, his back touching Phoenix’s side. No, Larry, it’s not a snuggle, now hush. (Similar to how a cat would lounge at their favorite owner’s side while casually not looking at them).

As much as he enjoyed them as the Signal Samurai trio, his favorite moments were just talking with Phoenix about anything under the sun -in the early hour before class or when they have dropped Larry home and it was just him and Phoenix. 

He often looked forward to the quiet instances that Phoenix would hold his hand while they’re walking home alone since Phoenix is more at ease with affection than he was.

Some teenagers hollered at them for it and Phoenix let go, embarrassed, while Miles was wondering why he was embarrassed when they both know it was because they were good friends. So he just stubbornly grabbed his hand again and dragged him away from those immature buffoons.

Miles was neutral when it comes to Valentines Day. But when Phoenix received a box of chocolates from a girl he likes, Miles became more aloof and disinterested. He wondered why there was no celebration for friendship. Idle time was spent on thinking what gift he would give Phoenix if there was a proper day for celebrating best friends. (Larry is also his best friend but he doesn’t have the word that distinguishes his friendship with Larry and friendship with Phoenix.)

Miles was disappointed that he was unable to find the specific term between best friend and deeper best friend. Even his father doesn’t know. Gregory Edgeworth assured him he would find it someday.

Being someone who thinks ahead, Miles knew that someday Phoenix might not prioritize and value their friendship as much as he does once Phoenix would get a girlfriend. Miles tried very hard not to think of the time they would be in middle school.

After Gregory’s death, Miles never received Phoenix’s letters as von Karma wants to isolate him from his original home. Even when Miles appreciate the song request from Phoenix dedicated to him, von Karma made it clear that sentimental relations will distract him from perfection. Plus, Miles thought it was a one time and that Phoenix probably had a girlfriend to dedicate himself to by now.

In Adulthood (Platonic Crush to Queerplatonic Attraction to QP Love):

Early Career. When Miles received college Phoenix’s letters, his first reaction was confusion. Out-of-the-blue this ghost from the past was asking him why he was being called Demon Prosecutor. Second reaction was stonewalling. There was no point delving about how a person used to make him feel. 

State vs Fey. After the trial, Miles told himself he developed an intellectual hyperfixation towards Phoenix Wright as he arranged his brand new custom chess set with the “spike-y” pawns. He was half-right. If only he wasn’t so entangled with von Karma’s opinions on “sentimental relations”.

State vs Powers. Miles’ platonic crush resurfaced somewhere after Will Powers’ case and Phoenix asking to defend him.

State vs Edgeworth. He faintly realized at the moment Phoenix had smiled at him in relief once Miles got acquitted, that Phoenix was someone he wanted in his life. If only Miles deserved so. 

Miles would never admit he finds a unique sense of enjoyment in working with cases where Phoenix had to defend. He doubted if a lot of people experience intimacy in rivalry.

State vs Skye. Unfortunately, Miles have bigger things to deal with like coming into terms with a mentor that had both raised and twisted him, struggling to find a new norm as eyes watched him, his very story available to the public, then having to face the Skye case that made him question everything he was as a prosecutor. 

It all became too much and he wasn’t thinking straight and one of those thoughts was that Phoenix was better off knowing a better person than him. 

State vs Engarde. The belief was instilled when Phoenix got mad at him for faking his own death.

After having a talk and Miles realizing that cutting people off abruptly was more of a dick move than he thought, he and Phoenix kept in touch after.

In the space he had given himself in Europe, Miles decided that aside from becoming a better lawyer, he wanted to be the friend Phoenix deserved to have in his life, with the same intimacy they had in childhood that he still couldn’t name. 

State vs Iris. Miles was pretty much neutral around Iris. If Phoenix would decide to rekindle his relationship with her (though the deception made him wrinkle his nose no matter how true Iris’ feelings were at that time), he wouldn’t care as long as he and Phoenix would still be in good terms as partners. Even if Phoenix would not put as much special connotations as he would in their partnership. That was all he could ask for after everything. 

Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth. Whenever Kay would tease him about “that man”, Miles would just look at her dryly. At this point, he should know not a lot of people would understand.

7-year Disbarment. Phoenix’s disbarment drew them closer together after Miles’ was finally able to contact him when Phoenix shut everyone out. Miles couldn’t do much being in Europe but he does what he could from flying them to Europe so that Phoenix could help him with his cases to caring for Trucy.

Their commitment for each other only grew from raising Trucy together to righting Japanifornia’s legal system. 

Miles wished he could kiss Phoenix on the forehead without making it weird. It just felt like Phoenix needed it. Comforting Phoenix with hugs and handholding, at least, was never questioned for romantic interest.

When Phoenix began to study for the bar again, Miles often enjoy Phoenix falling asleep on his shoulder. Unseen, Miles would smile before poking him awake.

He enjoys movie nights with the Wright family where Trucy and Phoenix would snuggle close and dinner/banter with Phoenix every week. 

Fantasies of sleep-snuggling with the man he admires and trusts the most and has an intense emotional-intellectual connection? Of course, he does. “So near and yet so far” has never been so painful in that one time they have to share a bed.

After Phoenix got his badge back, Miles was pretty much satisfied. His life was more stable, inner and outer, than it had ever been. Phoenix and Trucy’s life were also stable. Miles now felt more confident and comfortable in their bond and Miles would do what it takes to keep it as a part of his life.

He may have felt a little thrill when they both become comfortable enough for Phoenix to be casually affectionate with his touch -an arm around his shoulder as they laugh about something, a hand on his arm when asking about a case- it felt like back in their more carefree childhood. 

State vs Wyatt. Miles was pretty much ruffled with questions about marriage directed at him of all people. But if he has to marry someone, it might as well be someone he knew so well and trusts so much. Miles may have opted out some of his opinions in marriage but he was no longer the person who would lie to himself of who that someone would be.  

He wanted... something. He wanted a sort of exclusivity with Phoenix. The idea of Phoenix dating other people made Miles realized he wasn’t the type to share. The revelation itself was frustrating when he was neutral or repulsed of varying degrees when it comes to different romantic and sexual acts.

With a combination of finally having the words to describe what he wanted in Google Search and help with his therapist, the name of what he wanted with Phoenix was a queerplatonic relationship with a compromise on whatever would be Phoenix’s romantic/sexual needs from him. If Phoenix would have him as so. And if Phoenix wouldn’t... well, their friendship had been through a lot of things, this one event wouldn’t change it much. 

(This is from my own experiences and wants as someone in the acearo spectrum. I’m not the universal experience for acearo and it can be different for everyone else.)

[dinosaurtsukki]

being the MSBY Jackals’ physiotherapist

anon: HEY BOO! LISTEN BEING THE BLACK JACKELS PHYSIOTHERAPIST! I can imagine a lot of damage I- bye 😽 I could I please have that as a headcanon 👉👈 thanks! ❤️ (that is a If requests are open..)

they are most definitely open and OH MY GOD THIS IS SUCH AN AMAZING IDEA WHEN I GOT THIS I COULDN’T WAIT TO START. i’ve been watching a lot of vids on what physical therapists do too and i hope you like this it was so fun to write !!

Bokuto Koutarou:

he deadass got you mixed up with the sports psychologist

when he walked into your clinic he was all ‘ah, hey there’ before lying faceup on the cot and just talking about his problems

and at first you were alright cause good to make conversation and everything until you realized.... “this guy thinks i’m the therapist”

bokuto: people always assume that i’m really naive and i kinda am but--

you: bokuto,,,, i’m not the therapist

bokuto: oh 👁👄👁

you: does it, um, hurt anywhere?

bokuto: *points to his heart*

after directing him to therapist’’s office, you finally clear up his misconceptions on what you’re supposed to be

you did hear about bokuto but what you didn’t expect was that he was An Actual Ray of Sunshine

whenever he comes to your office for his weekly check-ups, he always brings some sort of present

he likes to bring a package of cookies and the two of you eat them while you have your session

bokuto still uses the term ‘ouchie’ and it’s adorable

he takes really good of himself and his body so he isn’t prone to serious injuries. as soon as he knows something feels off, he’ll stop himself from working and come to your clinic

except,,, he comes way too often

bokuto: I WAS FLEXING MY FINGER AND THEN IT SUDDENLY MADE A CRACK SOUND WILL IT FALL OFF???

you: you’ve... never popped your fingers before?

bokuto: you can POP your FINGERS???

in interviews, bokuto loves to mention all the people who helped him on his journey and ngl it’s a REALLY LONG LIST but he always, always mentions you as ‘the best physical therapist ever!!’

and it makes you so soft you love your job so much

he actually ends up recommending you to his friend, akaashi keiji, because bokuto knows his shoulders and back hurt 

akaashi comes into your office and just goes: “can you crack my back and shake me like a glowstick?”

you: i think you’re looking for a chiropractor

akaashi: ...

you: okay, lie down. i’ll see what i can do

Hinata Shouyo:

he got LOST TRYING TO FIND YOUR CLINIC

like, you were checking your watch wondering where your client was before he burst into your clinic thirty minutes late

also for some reason he was really nervous to see you poor baby he had the misconception that you were there to find what was wrong with him and then after he wouldn’t be able to play again

so he was genuinely surprised after you just made him do a few stretches for him, recommended some ways to move his body to utilize it better, and just sent him off

hinata: just... just like that?

you: yeah, pretty much. unless you feel that something else is wrong

after that he’s not so afraid to visit your clinic. in fact, he enjoys it quite a lot!

hinata really takes note of the advice you gave him (he brings a notepad and everything) and he likes to call you up to let you know that they worked

he actually calls you A LOT, like you’re probably the person he texts and calls the most other than natsu

at one point he was calling you every single day asking about what to eat until you decided to make a whole-ass weekly meal plan for him to just cycle through

 he’s actually quite flexible (not as much as sakusa though) and he’s so proud of being able to reach farther than his toes

when you’re not looking though he measures himself against the height chart on your wall and you think it’s absolutely adorable

hinata knows how to take care of his body and TRIES not to overwork himself but sometimes he gets really impatient about wanting to improve so he’ll stay late in the gym, practicing his spikes and serves

BUT since his teammates know hinata listens to you they’ll threaten to tell you when he’s overworking

sakusa: hinata, if you don’t leave the gym right this instant i am calling y/n

hinata: just five more minutes!!

sakusa: *pulls out his phones and presses some random numbers in*

hinata: OKAY OKAY I’M GOING

it’s kind of like the adult version of your parents calling the doctor when you don’t want to eat

also you have no idea that this happens

even though he’s moved on from it, hinata still gets a bit paranoid about playing a major game while being sick

you’re always at their games as part of their medic crew and before it starts, hinata always comes up to you and asks if you can take his temperature

you didn’t know why until atsumu explained everything so now you make sure to always have a temperature on you for hinata’s peace of mind

Atsumu Miya:

someone who actually knows what physical therapists actually do thank god 

ngl you’re kinda shookt at how large he is in real life when he walks into your clinic 

he also assumes right away that you want an autograph so he gifts you a signed picture of himself which you always have on your desk from now on because come on you are a fan

atsumu’s really nice to talk to, he does flirt quite a bit but he genuinely asks about how you are too or if your family is doing alright

such a sweet boy

atsumu’s the one who visits your office often but for reasons that are actually relevant to your job because this man just overexerts himself too much

and he keeps brushing it off and saying that he’s alright but you know better you’re a physical therapist for god’s sake

atsumu: i’m telling you. it’s just a sprain!

you: *pokes his ankle*

atsumu: aaaAAAAAAHHHH

he’s the one that you have to constantly keep tabs on and thanks to the help of his teammates and a spare key, you’re able to drop by his apartment once in a while

but no matter how much of a pain in the ass he is you still can’t help but want to take care of him. whenever you make yourself dinner you find yourself making seconds for atsumu

before you know it, you’re making dinner for your favorite MSBY boys because you don’t want them to feel left out

you also have to stop atsumu from overdoing on the protein shakes and drinking vitamins

because he’s addicted protein shakes especially the strawberry-flavored one but you’re the only one who knows that so shhhhhh

atsumu: if one vitamin capsule makes me healthy, does that mean drinking more will make me even more healthy ??

you: NO STOP. STOP WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING. RIGHT NOW.

one time you got a call in the middle of the night from atsumu saying that he ate an entire container of gummy vitamins and you had to run to his place in your pajamas

idk you just see him so much because he keeps getting injuries and it’s hilarious

atsumu, walking into your clinic: hey, doc! they sent me here cause my back hurts from carrying the entire team!

you: atsumu, you dislocated your shoulder

Sakusa Kiyoomi: 

probably your most normal client among the four of them but that doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy his visits to the clinic 

well, actually when he first visited your clinic, everyone else stalked him because they wanted to see his Flexible Wrists in action

you had to chase them out

sakusa is SO HAPPY that you just took one look at his Flexi-Wrists and noted it down without going batshit over it

you always spray the cots and your instruments with alcohol before he comes in and sakusa knows cause he smells it and he appreciates that so much

one thing that you do notice is that sakusa,,, frequently glances at the jar of lollipops you keep on your desk and give out to your kid patients

and after a session he just lingers for a bit before saying good bye and leaving so one day you just take a chance

you: would you,,, like a lollipop?

sakusa: .... yes please

he chooses a cherry flavored one and is about to leave when he sits back down on the chair

sakusa: they’ll never let me hear the end of it if they see me

so you let him stay in your clinic for a bit longer before deciding to also get a lollipop and that’s how the two of you end your sessions

no talking. just lollipop eating

(i know how it looks but pls don’t add sexual connotations i jus want sakusa to enjoy a fricking lollipop)

he actually likes to remember the scientific muscle names and everything just to impress you 

also, he doesn’t want to give you a hard time but he also likes visiting your office and talking to you (and eating the lollipops) so he makes up all these excuses to come by your clinic

sakusa: i hit my toe on the table

you: okaay, do you need a bandaid?

sakusa: it was the small toe

sakusa’s quite selective about the people he’s with so he’s kind of attached to you now. like it or not, you’re his personal doctor

prepare to receive texts like ‘y/n, i have a cough. what should i drink?’ 

you: sakusa, i’m a PHYSICAL THERAPIST

you: also, ginger tea is supposed to be good for you

he’s actually your eyes and ears when it comes to monitoring the team. kind of like the kid who tattles to the teacher in pre-school

sakusa: y/n, atsumu’s overdoing it again

you: is that so?

atsumu, in the background: NOOOOO NOOO I’M NOT !! SAKUSA’S LYING

you have such a soft spot for sakusa. when he had to be confined at home for breaking his ankle, you sent him a whole jar of lollipops

he ate them all in one day

***********************************************

taglist (still open to anyone who wants in!): @montys-chaos​ @miyumtwins​ @strawberriimilkshake​ @pocubo​ @sugawara-sweetheart @akaashisbabydoll @laure-chan​ @therainroguefanfiction​ @atetiffdoesart @stephdaninja @oikaw-ugh​ @charliefredb​ @dramaqueenweeb1469 @tremblinghearts @applepienation @doodleniella @haikyuu-my-love @waitforitillwritemywayout @kattykurr @tpwkatsumu​

[buggerthis]

✨btvs for the meme✨

thank u anon…..

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

el stupidos. spike because Yeah and angel because i genuinely love btvs angel/angelus so much . he’s so fucking . bad . his lines are so quirky and edgy and FUNNY he is so….. but my real blorbo is spike because i think about him so Much

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

s1 buffy!!!!!!!!!!! yes specific to the season . she is just. the smallest ever

also ofc ms dawn Hi . she’s the everything

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

yes genuinely . i love xander . xander haters go away . yes i used to be one of them but then i came to my senses . candidates also include drusilla and cordelia

ALSOOOOOOO

this fucking guy. hello. THE MASTER.. he’s literally one of my fav villain tropes (mwahahahaha. i’m so evil. oh no i’m being stopped! curse you evil stopper! my evil evil plans foiled once again!!! nooo!!!)

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

THIS GUY……… holden webster beloved. he is. AGHHH top ten characters of ever and he’s only onscreen for like what. 15 minutes or something. not only a therapist king but just kinda funny and idk. i wanna study him under the microscope . buffy shouldn’t have staked him tbh

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

andrew gets so much hate and for what . he is just a Thing. this spot is also for xander and spike by default

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

oh you know. i WILL become best friends with him by pure torment of nothingness . also spike

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

ALL THE POTENTIALS . go away .nobody likes you. also???

i’m so sorry. but he was fucking annoying LOL

[b4rredteeth]

ABHINAV DEVI | also known as ABHI | identifies as BIGENDER, goes by HE/THEY, and is PANSEXUAL, currently SINGLE | born JANUARY 11th 1976 currently 47 YEARS OLD | from MADURAI, TAMIL NADU, INDIA | works as a PSYCHIATRIST at ANCHORAGE MENTAL HEALTH & COUNSELLING and ART THERAPIST at HOPEFUL LIGHT ART SHACK | is OVER-PROTECTIVE and MEDDLING, EMPATHIC & PROFOUND | lives in WINTERWOOD ESTATES | is known as THE FATHER DUCK

THREADS | Q&A | MUSE | ESTABLISHED/WANTED CONNECTIONS

biography

Abhinav was born in Madurai, the oldest of five children. His father, a renowned doctor, more often got in the news for his strange escapades than his medical achievements. Eventually Abhi's mother moved them all to the United States, five children in tow, to live with her sister. The house wasn't big, and Abhinav's aunt had three kids of her own. Abhi, still the oldest, carried the responsibility for their well-being, which was making sure everyone went to school, did their homework, and got to their part-time jobs alright.

He joined the circus when he graduated, it meant one less body in the house, and money coming in to support his siblings and mother. Even at the circus he continued his job as older sibling, picking up jobs wherever he could. Always a busy bee, Abhi made sure every second counted. He met the love of his life at age twenty, married at the circus, put himself through school to become a licensed psychiatrist, and raised his three kids, while always on the road.

[ death mention tw ] He figured he would always continue like that, until his wife died. And while the circus gave him so much support, he missed her too much to continue with the life-style he'd shared with her. So he moved himself and his three kids out to Anchorage, making sure they all got into the university of Alaska, because he knew a few old friends from the circus now lived there.

headcanons

Abhi is a very happy go-lucky person, he tends to joke a lot and offer unsolicited advice, but he can also get rather serious when a problem he sees might not be as easily solved as with a joke and a good hug.

Abhi identifies as bigender, this usually means cis-male and non-binary, though there are times when he feels like agender fits him more. It really depends on his mood, his gender-identity always spiked more in the moments when he looks in the mirror than how he feels in general. He does not mind being called father or any masculine associated words.

He has three kids, the oldest is twenty-five (wc), the second twenty-three (wc), and the third eighteen. They are very often ashamed of their dad, because he likes to befriend all their friends and look cool.

He still calls his four younger siblings regularly, though all four went off into the wide world to follow in his (and his father's) footsteps. Two of them are doctors, one is a researcher, and one is a psychologist, he's proud of every single one of them. His three cousins are also still being pestered whenever he finds the time, one of them works at their father's company as an IT specialist, one has become a surgeon, and the youngest is starting a rap career (wc). He's especially worried about the youngest.

He doesn't talk about his father.

[ death mention tw ] when his wife died, he was in shambles, and he still has moments of intense grief over her death. He falls in love easily, and he knows his wife would've laughed at how easily he does, but he hasn't given himself the ok-go yet to move on, even though she died six years ago.

Abhi has lived in Anchorage for six years (from 2017 onward)

He is fluent in English and Tamil.