lauraaa30

[bitchslapblastoids]

dumb fic thoughts that are going to sound whiney and like personal complaints but i promise are really me talking big picture about the state of fic engagement on ao3. and i know i've been on this soapbox before and I KNOW everyone who follows me is a homie so i’m really just old man yells at skying about this again, but just let me say all the quiet parts out loud please. I do not wish to be aloof and demure.

1. hits to kudos ratios are so fucking bleak. and i don't mean wrt my own fics, i mean in general, the two numbers side by side is always so dismal to see. hits are kind of a meaningless metric, esp for chaptered fics and for fics that people return to to reread, so i wish ao3 just wouldn't publish them, because it sets up this weird pair of numbers for people to compare and jump to conclusions based upon, even though they aren't actually informative for anyone. Why do I want to know how many people clicked on something? That doesn’t tell me anything.

2. That being said (to make it about me now), I know I’m a good fic writer. and while obviously my fic isn’t going to be to everyone’s taste (puppet smut isn’t a crowdpleaser wym??), I feel pretty confident that out of the 250+ people who have clicked on my brand new fic so far, more than just 17 of them must’ve liked it. which brings me to…

3. people can get so cagey about leaving kudos on explicit fics. this is a time-tested truth. let's let go of this phenomenon! I promise no one's stalking where you've left kudos. if they are, they're a freak. and if they're judging you, they're especially a freak because HEY LOOK, they wouldn’t have seen it if they weren’t on that fic too lol! let's all try and shake off these fucking shackles of sexual shame and stigma.

4. similarly, the # of bookmarks that i can see on an explicit fic i've posted vs the # of bookmarks the public can see is so funny. This one makes more sense to me and I can understand why bookmark choices feel more private. But i will say again, people aren't judging your bookmarks. even if it's smut! no one cares what you get horny about and probably the only reason they'd be looking is bc they trust your judgment and they'd like to get horny about it too lol.

5. lack of feedback/interaction is such a scourge. We all gotta fucking engage with the writers we like! it means so much and it's such a great way to build a mutually supportive community. Also, people who have left comments on my fic and vice versa are the people i became most immediately PALS with on here. It’s a lovely thing to do and it’s not time intensive I promise! Authors don’t seek comments for validation but more because publishing fic is sharing this thing this offering that you became so obsessive and giddy about that you had to literally create it and once it’s out you just want to be giddy and obsessive with others about it.

6. Obvs no one should feel obligated to leave kudos or bookmark or comment on anything they don’t like. Be a discerning reader and engage with what brings you joy! There’s a ton of shlock out there. No one has to pretend to like it all. But societally I feel like we’ve become such selfish consumers - I see it in streaming our favorite music for .0000000000000000000000000000002 cents, in the erosion of concert etiquette, in the rabid sense of entitlement towards celebrities’ attention and time, in the uncredited circulation of other people’s art without a second thought, and in the way apparently only ~10% of readers leave kudos, which are a paltry way for an author to get a sense if someone liked something enough to take the most bare bones possible step of simply tapping a button (you don't even have to have an account! you can leave kudos as a guest!). that's a bummer. I don’t want fandom to be a selfish one-sided space where we’re just taking what we want instead of connecting or building together.

Ok, that’s all ✌️✌️✌️

[drbased]

I've just seen 'The Substance' and it's a lot of things - well, actually, it's a few things, and one of them is DUMB. It's DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB. Spoilers below, although I promise you I don't think it's possible to spoil this film:

Let's ignore the obvious useless 'commentary' on ageing for a moment and focus on just how fucking DUMB this film is. For all the fancy effects and camera shots and sound effects the storytelling is just a fucking old-school morality play, a fairytale even. Literally baby's first 'be careful what u wish for!!' story with an edgy body-horror sheen. Literally every minute fucking detail from earlier in the film, when presented to us again, is accompanied by a little flash back to remind the ipad babies watching that this film actually has a story and isn't just a bunch of flashy colours. The ending amps up the ridicuousness to 11, and genuinely left me wondering, is this a joke?? Is this camp??? There are a lot of campy elements to the film but ultimately as far as I can tell this film takes itself hilariously seriously.

Going back to the ageing, my first alarm bells rang when I noticed that the film made no attempts to give the older woman a personality outside 'my career is ending and I'm old now :('. The most we get to indicate that she has any worth is some man saying how enamoured he is with her. We don't see how ageing has made her wiser, more savvy, more knowledgable, more content with certain things, more intelligent, or... anything of that sort. So when she generates the younger version, we're just shown over and over again how young and hot she is and how everything is great for her. The closest we get to any social commentary is the odd shallow misogynistic comments from men - but it's clear that we're not supposed to really question them any deeper than 'hollywood sure is shallow!' And the pornographic voyerism on her younger self is downright exploitative - the film treats us to this softcore scene of 80s fitness dancing with all these knowing cuts to the camera - you can nudge nudge wink wink all you want but the full scene is in this literal movie that real human eyeballs are witnessing! All of this renders the 'message' of the film phenomenally weak - the only reason it everything goes to shit for her is because she doesn't stick to the 'balance' between her older and younger self. They're both presented as selfish people, but the story doesn't explain outside of the dumbfuck made up rules of 'substance' why it's important for there to be balance. That's why this shit is just a fairytale. Maybe if this film wasn't obsessed with youth it would understand that over time, experience makes your understanding of the world a bit more sophisticated than that?

The film clearly wants to be seen as highbrow art, with all its artsy shots that make you think of the shining, all the gross disgusting sound effects that are supposed to set some sort of mood of 'ew'. But every opportunity the movie has to say something it seems to be literally incapable. Her gross disgusting manager eats food in these extreme close-ups, and there should be some commentary there about how he gets to be this gross disgusting old mammal whilst she's expected to be young and attractive to have a career. But this idea is only barely glanced at, or perhaps only I interpreted it that way because as a feminist I'm actively searching for that kind of theme. Likewise I was searching for any sign that her younger self's life might not be 100% perfect, and I saw how men are much nicer to her, which is something you maybe could read as a cynical commentary but still, it's never built on.

It's just so DUMB. At the end she pops out a boob from her face and we get the obligatory flashback of a stupid commentary some men said about wanting a boob on a woman's face instead of her nose. wow much subtle very auteur. and she sprays a comical amount of blood at the crowd?? how did she get in the building??? I was waiting for it all to be revealed as a dream since that kind of fake-out had happened earlier on in the film, but no, her gross monster self eventually runs away and random body horror happens and then her 'normal' face escapes on her own, sits on her star that was at the start of the film, and we again get the obligatory flashback of everyone adoring her at the start of the film. and then she disintegrates and gets cleaned up. and that's it! SO DUMB. SO SO FUCKING DUMB.

I literally only watched this film because I saw two youtubers had referenced it in video essays and now I have watched it all I can say is... you think this film is worth a video essay? I've already said more than it deserves!!

Oh also this film is clearly only interested with ageing in terms of attractiveness except when it can use ageing purely for body horror purposes. But when it needs to forget that ageing does more than make you into an uggo, suddenly the ancient-ass woman can run at lightning speed and drag heavy things around. And even though we have all these shots of her weak and bruised skin she can take quite a fucking beating from her younger self. Absolutely. fucking. dumb.

[venacoeurva]

People on my dash discussing this hence it's on my mind,

There are serious social and legal implications of minors participating and accessing adult spaces, the problem is kids are still pretty self-absorbed and selfish and lacking true comprehension of external consequences in that underdeveloped brain sort of way (even the nicest, most considerate and critical-thinking kids are going to be this way to some degree, it's not an insult) to grasp that. Normal adults feel violated and gross when catching a kid interacting with their adult art and so on. Kids do not comprehend it can be a massive life-ruining legal issue too (which most minors cannot grasp because again, still underdeveloped brain type of self-absorbed lack of understanding of consequences. Also kids usually don't understand the legal system. It sounds harsh and insulting but that's how it IS. I remember being that way, myself). Adults who are happy that or at the least enabling minors being in adult spaces is a RED FLAG.

Making adult spaces and blogs and sites have warnings, entering your age, big 18+ and 21+ warnings and so on is a thing, even if it won't stop everyone--some kids will be scared off from encroaching, though, thinking that accessing these pages while a minor and lying that they're an adult on the clickthrough warning will contact the police or something. We know it's not stopping everyone, but at the very least we're doing the most we can to save our asses short of carding everyone, which isn't the most reliable method, either. I feel like the inconvenience of having to enter birthdays or click through warnings may also annoy some kids into leaving, given the instant-dopamine, constant stimuli type internet these days kids are used to (and negatively cognitively affected by, I'm sure...) versus the "waiting 20 minutes for a JPEG to load" internet of old that required patience no matter what.

But for real, being a minor in an adult space can fuck you up, and it's just sad and scary how kids don't even realize this until it's years too late and/or they end up in some real dire situations because of it-- and even then, they probably won't realize the weight of the situation until later (if they're still alive, given the risk of kidnapping, stalking, or committing suicide if it reaches that level, especially if the site or victim and predator are local). How many of us adults look back in retrospect and shudder at what could have happened, or what did? I feel like most adults who had access to the internet as kids, especially in the 90s and 00s, went somewhere they weren't supposed to go, and a lot of us who weren't just lurking had a similar experience of running into adults with bad intentions once they sniffed out the kids being active there. A good amount of us became desensitized to things on shock sites, too, which is for sure not good for us, psychologically.

I mean, hell, thinking about it, teenagers and tweens can't even really access kids-only spaces anymore since a lot of those shut down or are heavily monetized, and of course either adults are just gonna kind of take it over if it gets popular and want the kids (who were there first) gone, or predators are going to specifically enter those spaces to croon at some poor kid how mature and smart they are and they should talk on Discord and that whole process. It's not a new thing, but it definitely continues. It's like as valuable as a resource it is, the internet is gonna fuck kids up no matter what, even if they stay in spaces meant for them, that are supposed to be moderated and protecting them, and a lot of kids have parents who do not care, do not check in on what younger kids are accessing and not noticing any sudden behavioral changes, or will punish them for "letting that happen", and that's utterly terrible.

[green-alien-turdz]

This is long as fuck my god sorry in advance,,, also it's 4am and my first language is not English so this my be kinda incomprehensible ,

Sorry I may or may not have stalked this account and filled half the posts I've reblogged w a shit ton of ranting in the tags even more than once IM SORRYYY it's just that you're art makes me feel SO much things bc the way you portray the kids genuinely resonate w me really deeply w the scars and implied things and the fucked up rooms and hhhh I LOVE IT

Also I wanted to say that I can't even explain coherently how seeing you portraying these heavy things as eds and the sh and just all the heavy stuff so casually w also admitting more than once that you base a lot of these headcanons on your own life and struggles make me so happy bc that's always one of the things I've always been ashamed about, like whenever I find comfort in a character I immediately start to hc them w MY heavy stuff and see them that way completely but I'm scared of portraying it through my art bc ppl are always like "why would you want to fuck them up so badly" "why do u have to put your sh n ed stuff and mentally ill shit in these innocent things" and I feel like I need to justify it in other way than "yeah it's just that me getting comfort from them means me seeing myself in them and seeing my flaws in something I love, so naturally I need to put it there for my own comfort" bc it's just too selfish or smth. I know It might sound really really silly and dumb but YOU do it so well and so seemingly unbothered that you just make me want to say FUCK YALL and do It anyway so AGHHHH SORRY FOR THE ABSURDLY LONG RANT ANYWAYS I LOVE YOUR ART SOSOSO MUCH !!!

Bro, for someone whose first language isn't English, you got that shit down, mf your english is impeccable. And I saw the reblogs, I literally don't mind, I'm glad you gained something outta it. Art is literally soul healing, even if it's dumb south park fanart - never be afraid to do what is gonna comfort you. I really hope that things are gettin a lil better in your life, from the rants it sounds pretty rough. I fuckin believe in you, man, n I really wish the best for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, my PM's are open to anyone. Thank you for bein so nice. Please take care of yourself

[opinated-user]

So apparently, in addition to being extremely abusive and toxic, LO and her rabid stans are also fucking illiterate. As she/they are now claiming that y’all are saying that LOVEBOMBING is the reason that her talking about Mikaila like a dog is a bad thing. Rather than, you know, the infantilization and extreme condescension being what ACTUALLY made that a bad thing!

if the questions marks weren't enough, picture my face constantly going like this while reading this... whatever this is:

i have no idea what is happening here. i literally just said that the way LO worded her post sounded like she was talking about a dog rather than a fully grown adult. in fact, just about in general i don't believe that LO respect MO as a person or as a partner. she can talk about giving her affections and gifts all day, that doesn't mean that she truly sees her as a real human being with their own needs that deserve respect and understanding. since we're talking about "quality time together". LO, you lied to your wife for half a year at least about going through chemotherapy and getting a cancer diagnosis. we both know you're lying about that, but MO supposedly believes that you just decided to hide that information from her for that long because you didn't want to ruin your "wife time" together by having MO react to those news like any human being would. you basically rob her of even the option of reacting at all because you couldn't trust her to being mature about it, despite being a full grown adult. again, we both know that you were fine, but going by your own narrative you basically told your adult wife that you don't trust her to manage her own emotions, and you prefer to openly lie to her, to her face, than to have your fun with her ruined. you not only made it clear that you don't respect her, you won't ever consider her above your own whims. i don't care that MO will say that she's fine with being treated like that or doesn't mind or "understand" why you had to lie to her face, before any of you tries that. that's not a "little bit selfish" like you claimed, that's sick regardless. that's disgusting behavior to have in what is supposed to be a real marriage. that's where the "treating your wife like something lesser" claim comes from and it's reinforced through posts like that one. also, you did groom ginger. nobody here talked about MO but nice try at deflection. ginger was a minor when you let her practically offer herself to you in the form of open flirting and accepting of lewd naked art from her. she was 15 while you were 23 and then you dated her the moment her age wasn't an obstacle. just like a groomer would. i'll keep repeating that and keep shoving my evidence everytime chance you give me, LO. continue to give me more excuses and i'll make sure nobody forgets about those posts.

[cctinsleybaxter]

Furiosa thots!!! Putting under a readmore since it only just came out and i don't want to dissuade people from going. I find it kinda funny I find it kinda sad (I lowkey hated it but the war rig scene made me go stupid aaaa)

Stuff I liked:

Pacing and sound design. Was really skeptical of the 2+ hour runtime but it went by quick and plotting made sense

Costuming! Any time a practical effect or something textured is onscreen (which is not always. bodes well for the 'stuff i hated' section) is awesome; I don't care if it looks stupid or doesn't make sense it's a pleasure to have in class.

Arm backstory

This car

I went in thinking 'sigh well they're never going to beat robert de niro exploding that helicopter in midnight run' and then the war rig scene happened; I was going crazy!!! I loved it from beginning to end. I actually gasped because I'd noticed the grey mass of cloth being used as a flag at the first encampment and thought 'that's my favorite thing they've shown so far' (i was going to say prop but idk that it was practical); WELCOME BACK GREY CLOTH

Chris Hemsworth was somehow my favorite performance, I felt like he nailed the combination of goofy/ridiculous and scary/threatening

Stuff I didn't like:

George Miller uses bible allegories and imagery like he's the fucking Ultraman guy (Eiji Tsuburaya.) Why make posts about how fascinated you are by 'the japanese' using catholic imagery when we got that egregious crucifixion setup. Australians are culpable.

We don't learn anything about furiosa as a person that can't already be gleaned from Fury Road. I do think this does a pretty admirable job of storytelling for a prequel, we learn about what happened to Furiosa and we (sort of) get the character development that led her to take the wives with her, but I wish it'd been a brand new character's story

I like Anya Taylor-Joy and disagree with people saying this was a miscast because she can't act and is only suited to play models (misogyny takes many forms...), but I do think she's best in roles with a lot of speaking and micro-expressions, so playing a woman who barely speaks or emotes and will later become charlize theron just wasn't it. I'm also legitimately worried about how skinny she is rn

Stuff I hated:

This movie looked like absolute garbage in comparison to the rest of the mad maxes; even the ones I think are irredeemably bad. The combination of whatever frame rate they were using and the CGI was just. Ugh.

Scene transitions (so many fades to black) and montage (specifically thinking about the sped-up footage of them assembling the rig, Furiosa's Lion King dream sequence, and 'the horrors of war') were a hot mess

Framing dementus's anarcho-fascism as worse than immortan joe's regular fascism is such a misstep it casts a shadow over the whole movie. Yeah the hedonist with the working class accent who hates art and is too stupid/selfish to run a territory yadda yadda. It's very Stephen King villain, which would be fine!, but Fury Road had such good politics it just felt tired

You're telling me that a woman who spent her childhood kidnapped and threatened with rape (interesting that said threat only comes from individual extra bad guys btw; both evil men-dominated societies accept slavery and rape but condemn pedophilia) falls for her male coworker and mentor figure. You're telling me this is a compelling relationship between two victims of the same system. You're telling me you filmed it like a YA dystopian romance. You're telling me her backstory is that she showed a guy her most treasured and vulnerable possession, a seed from the fruit she plucked before being taken from eden and losing her innocence, and he bade her keep it by putting his big-ass yaoi hand over hers, and that's what solidified their trust. You're telling me she doesn't once speak to a woman who isn't her mom. Can we die? Can we go to the wasteland?

[icedmetaltea]

Talking about stuff

Really contemplating leaving tumblr for another site in the near future... does anyone know a good substitute? Like, on one hand I love this site, but on the other hand man. I've been getting way less notes lately. I can't help but feel like it's my fault, that either I've been posting too much and am annoying people or my art/writing has gotten worse. Same issue with ao3 so leaning on the latter possibility.

I know it's selfish, but it's not like I'm the only one who feels this way. Lots of artists and writers have been complaining about the discrepancy between likes/reblogs. No matter how many followers I've gotten over the years, the success of any piece of art/writing will depend on who reblogs it and when, and how many reblogs it gets in general. If it doesn't get enough it quickly gets swept under the rug like it never existed.

A single piece of art or writing can equate to many hours of work on my part, and if it's barely seen it's like... why bother.

I know it's selfish, I know there are still people who reblog and comment and everything, and truly I appreciate it, more than anyone could ever know.

But I also just feel like an annoying failure who never stops talking and that people would prefer if I was gone. So they can look forward to seeing stuff from the real artists, the real writers, the people who actually have talent.

I want to be someone people see and are able to feel happier as a result... right now I just feel like a burden to not only everyone in my life (hence why I've been distracting myself by drowning myself in art lately) but also you guys.

I know I'm not just a source of entertainment, I know I shouldn't care so damned much about what others think, and again I know I sound really fucking selfish to worry about all this, but it's been eating at me so much lately.

So I see a couple options.

Take time away and let the water run clear so to speak then abuse the fuck out of the queue so I stop mass reblogging (a nasty habit of mine, surely annoying to many)

Move to a different site, if there are any where I won't feel like such a speck. Idk. Maybe I'll feel like that everywhere.

I guess I could rectify that side blog idea I had a while back so asks, headcanons, doodles, non-fnaf posts and whatnot, just keep this up for main art/writing. Kinda leaning toward that rn. Less spam, less annoyance.

Just disappear for good. Delete it all. It's been a thought in the back of my head for a long time anyway. Start new somewhere else. Or just draw/write for myself. I also don't want to make any rash choices atm cause I know the past 3 months have been hell and I'm not thinking clearly. I've been depressed as fuck and I may regret choices I make right now. But what if I don't? Maybe I'll be better for it idk

[cloudslexapro]

the thing about me and work is that in social settings, even though i have severe anxiety, depression, cptsd, bpd etc. etc. i am still really outgoing and friendly and easy going and i can manage to talk and get along even if i need to take breaks or leave early. but when i have to go to work at like a retail or food service or customer service place i'll literally be walking around or answering phones with the heart rate of someone being hunted for sport and contemplating suicide because i can't cope with the stress.

being in a work environment where i have to dress a certain way and talk to strangers and perform under pressure legit makes me want to die. the time i had to go to the mental hospital was because of a job and i have self harmed at my job to get out of work because i was going that insane from the mortifying ordeal of being at work and not being able to deal. i feel so guilty and irresponsible for how many jobs ive had in my life and how i've left almost every one in under a year and usually under bad circumstances. sometimes i just never showed up again.

pretty much nothing scares me more than losing my sense of identity and my freedom, and nothing makes me feel crazier than being at a job and being under someones thumb and having customers, coworkers and bosses demanding service and having expectations of me that i know i'm gonna fail. wearing a work uniform makes me so dysphoric i want to scream and makes me feel like i'm not in my own body. and then it's physically hard because i can't stand for 8-12 hours at a time (who can?? it's inhumane) and my arm is forever fucked and gets so tired and starts hurting when i have to use it a lot.

my ideal situation is never having to go to a 9 to 5. it sounds so selfish and like, duh no shit no one wants to go to work but i just can't do it. i know i need to have a job but it's so hard to find work from home opportunities that aren't scams. i found a temporary work from home gig that starts in a couple weeks and i'm hopeful for that. i dream of being able to sell my art and make crafts to sell at home but i have no idea where to start with that and it seems like such a pipe dream. my last option is to be a lesbian housewife or join a polycule and be in charge of housekeeping. basically i would need to be on the verge of homelessness again to even consider working at like target or walgreens or something again. that is my actual nightmare.

i feel like i'm in school because i don't know what else to do and it keeps me from having to go to work but i'm screwing that up too. i just wish i didn't ever have to engage with the "professional" or work world ever because it's so not me. i was not put on this earth to sell garbage, get yelled at and put my body through hell. i was put here to listen to music and draw anime girls kissing and take care of my friends.

[etihw000]

How do you handle people who try to get people to hate you under the guise of "Warning people?" When you didn't even do anything wrong? Did you have to deal with that? I ask because I'm going through that ATM but your speed paints have been helping me a bit :D

i don't know how serious it is. maybe it's lighter, and it's just some prick. block them. pay them no mind. they will get bored and go away.

maybe it's like mine, and it's a four year hatestalking campaign that spanned multiple accounts.

find people who believe you. who show you their support. because the worst part of my situation was feeling as if i was going insane and that no one cared about what was happening at all, because no one would talk to me about it, until everything was over and the dust had settled.

please know that i do not blame the people who were around me at all. they are wonderful people. it's just that we were all just kids. when i asked some of them about it, a lot of them said they didn't know how bad it really was. some of them said they didn't realize this was happening at all.

they would make vague claims that i was a p/do. they insisted i was abusive. they would make whole accounts just to bash my art skill and spam the public accounts that my real life friends knew of with these same accusations. whenever i moved accounts (this is something i found out a month ago), they would beg people to find me so that they could harass me more.

this was not fixed by ignoring them. this was fixed because someone entirely new i had the luck of befriending heard me out, and defended me when someone entirely unrelated spoke up saying they believed i was an abuser, and broke down their claims.

they sent a non-apology. it ends with "i hope you learned". please take note that for the entirety of this, i chose to do nothing. i did not argue. i silently deleted, and looked the other way, every time i could.

but they've left me alone since, which is a peace i am immensely grateful and thankful to my friend for.

but the damage is done. (and the damage sounds so fucking stupid and selfish and personal i don't even want to mention it.)

the tl;dr of it is that i don't know. not every method works for everyone. perhaps the gray rock method would work for you, and it should work for less severe cases. it did not for me, because they were absurdly obsessive. what did work was archiving everything and breaking their story down with that. it is a shame that i naively chose not to for the first three years, because for those three years i had no proof that anything was happening to me. it is a shame that i did not confront them sooner.

regardless, i hope you get through your situation safely. please take care of yourself.

[pandemellia]

Ugly Thoughts #4: Idiots surround themselves with other idiots🤡

So there's this artist my ex's partner is mutuals with.

I visited his Twitter page a few times. Talented artist. That's cool.

Until one day, (I think this happened around early October) I noticed my ex's partner liked a tweet he posted about getting into a new relationship.

I'm thinking like, "but didn't he drew art of his girlfriend, like a few months ago?"

Then the thread mentioned how he didn't care about how he was moving too fast, how he didn't care who it affects, yadda yadda.

I looked at the artist's ex girlfriend's Twitter for clues on when they broke up because I got a little curious. It was around late September. This guy jumped into another relationship around a week after his last one ended.

As I mentioned before, it's a huge pet peeve of mine when people rebound.

It shows how desperate they are; and let's be honest, they're only using the rebound to fill a void within them because they can't stand to be alone. This is unfair to the new partner. That being said, I don't feel sorry for the rebound partner if they know they're dating someone who just got out of a relationship. Actions have consequences. They're asking to be used. Rebounding instead of shows weakness, and that's just unattractive to me.

I hate how some people are like, "pEoPlE hEaL aT dIfFeReNt pAcEs". Shut the fuck up, you're just letting your emotions control you.

I say as I let my unhealthy attachment to my ex have me stalk his socials lol—BUT at least what I do is not at the expense of anyone else's mental health.

Rebounding also proves how little they respected their prior relationship. Did they really love them in the first place if their ex was so easy to replace? Like you already abandoned them, why you gotta rub salt in the wound by dating someone else so soon? Maybe the dumper had an ex who was a huge asshole, and did deserve being broken up with. Still, why use someone else's energy and time to fulfill your hedonistic urges? Being single for a while to heal isn't gonna kill ya. Trust me, I should know.

Moving too fast really shows some people's need for instant gratification and how quick some people are are to swap out partners like they're objects (it's already bad enough that this is easy to do with dating apps).

I don't know, something about rebounding feels so wrong. I really hate breakups and abandonment that much, I guess.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it; I judged the fuck out of this person, especially when he said, "I don't care who it affects". I don't have the slightest idea on who initiated the break up, or what happened. But that comment rubbed me the wrong way. That phrase didn't sound like a self care type of selfish, it sounded more like a malicious type of selfish.

Then they tweeted about how in love they are with this person, which is something else I hate about people that rebound.

Bitch, you are not in love with them. You're infatuated with them, or you're thinking with your privates. Yes, attraction does lead to love, but it needs to develop first. Which takes TIME.

I feel like these are the type of people that think love is a feeling, and not a choice, so that's why they dump people because they simply "lost feelings for them".

Fucking idiots. You're obviously not gonna be in love with your partner 24/7. The honeymoon phase is not gonna last forever, so stop chasing it by going from relationship to relationship as soon as the infatuation ends. Keeping the love alive is an effort both parties in the relationship will have put into long term. Love doesn't work the way it does in these fake ass romantic fairytale movies. You'd think these grown ass adults would know that by now.

The homewrecker even commented the first tweet saying that it's great they both found happiness. 🤡

This makes me seem like a bitch; but God when I read that, I wished this guy's new relationship failed. XD

I know, I'm so miserable, that I wish bad on people who have nothing to do with me lol.

But listen here, it's homewreckers and people that move on too fast that enable each other and think their selfish actions are appropriate like these assholes are doing.

It's an echo chamber.

It's idiots surrounding themselves with other idiots.

The more idiots there are with this selfish ideology, the more pain they spread and waste other people's time.

So my wishes came true. This guy and his new girlfriend broke up about a week ago.

I like how he tries to play it off saying that it wasn't gonna work anyway because she was problematic.

Which is unfortunate that people like that still exist, but this is what happens when you rush into a relationship without getting to know the other person. That's yet another problem with jumping from one relationship to another.

You had it coming.

Now if only my other wishes came true.

That's what I'd call a Christmas miracle. XD

[fawnedresponse]

dearest nate, and the list of things that made me love about you.

you're not art duncan, or denji— or any of my favorite fictional characters. you're natel, and even if you can't believe me— i have loved you. for you. i know how easy it is to not feel seen, and i always assumed this and that who you, but at the end of the day: i knew you were a real person, with real feelings and a heart you entrusted to me and i go to sleep every night, frightened with the realization i can hurt you— i can hurt you, even if it's unintentional. so i lose you, and that's me taking accountability. i'm sorry for begging you to stay. that was selfish of me.

i didn't love you properly, i loved you the wrong way. i loved you the way my previous partners wanted me to behave, i went in this relationship with my previous partners' love language and not yours: that wasn't fair to you. i had to show you how to love you in the way i was taught, when your own way of showing your love was different.

i saw you for what you are, no longer on a pedestal, slowly— when we got together. but I'd still get nervous at certain times we had to call. you made me feel loved, important— special, something so new to me it made me want to run across the opposite direction.

you don't have to believe me, i wouldn't either. but you never were a rebound. if that was ever planted in your head. i know you overthink but i don't think you really seeked my advice for anything. you could have, you know that, right?

i really didn't want to enter a relationship. i didn't want to. it's selfish and would have hurt you but you sounded so certain and i needed you for myself. i have liked you. i liked your voice, i love the way you type. your self control. committing to boundaries. communicating. protecting those you love but also allowing them to learn on their own. the level of emotional maturity you've gained for someone so young. you value independence. you know what you want, and you're not a pussy to work hard in getting it. i admire that about you. i don't think I'll even ever fall the fuck in love after my last. my last really ruined me, you were there. but you showed me that there's still hope, and kindness and patience— although, in my current state, i'm just evil and mean and bitter.

I'll never be able to take back the words I've told you, i just felt really betrayed. because I could finally be with someone again, and i couldn't wait to become better for them. but I've come to terms you deserve everything well and good. you do. i'm not doing well, end of discussion and I'm not good for you.

but i did see you for who you are, and what you are is someone who's loyal to his friends, with a long patience for the people you care about. you cared to be loved. i already ruined my reputation to the most important person you care about— there's no going back. i'm just your ex, now. i don't think your friends will like me if we got back together. you have to think about this. and dating you means getting along with your frirnds. ive hurt you as it is. you'll grow from this.

you're not art duncan. you're not second choice. i know it feels that way at the beginning, but you have the power to smile kindly at me while twisting a knife in my chest and your name woul feel warm as the blood in my mouth for when i thank you.

you're not andrew graves, because you never enabled my bullshit. maybe we were the couple in past lives. and maybe we'll never get married. maybe you deserve a boring (peaceful) but happy life where you're settled down and the worst thing you have to do in a day is to think about what you want for lunch.

i don't think I'll ever be that woman in your happily ever after ending. i love so intensely. if i didn't distance myself, emotional strangulation is what you'll meet.

i miss you. i miss my closest friend. you're not just somebody i lusted for (although, yeah. i can't reach orgasm without imagining you.) you're somehow i daydreamed holding hands with. and doing the most gayest shit ever like, what it would be like: the weight of your head on my lap, running my fingers through your locks, asking you to grow them. they're all just dreams to me, and I'm not mad about it. you can find someone who can do all those things and more— but you chose me, in a few months, in two years — ive got one plan lined up. you loved me for the better.

you'll be okay, you deserve the love you deserve and not the love you think you deserve. mine just wasn't the right match. that line, where haesung says "you are a person that leaves," i think of nora as you. you had to leave this relationship for the sake of both of us. i don't question or doubt your love for me. but nattie, i could never be loveable. the kind of love you give me is so undeserving of me to receive. i had so many faults for asking you to take care of me, when i should have been a pillar for you to lean on. that was my biggest mistake.

i'm really grateful that you stayed. everyday, it was a conscious decision, and i talked to friends— no matter how you put it: i was making you unhappy. there were little things inside of you building up to loathe me. and you didn't really say anything. i'm disappointed by that. i want to soothe your problems as a partner. not add to it. you were so self efficient i thought leaving you alone would be the best idea. should i have prodded more? became a doting mother? a caring sister? i didn't even know what spot you want me filled— but being your girlfriend is the most highest priority you could give me. you made the right choice. i want you to priorize yourself. and i don't want to lose you as a friend but.

i can't be good at video games the way you want me, too, and i think that's the #1 thing you looked for in me. and i hate that you'd feel obligated to carry me everytime.

i really, really wanted to keep you as a friend, I'm slowly realizing there's a very big space of void you left within me. but i already went ahead and fallen in love with you, which irreversibly destroys our friendship.

can't go back to talking without yearning for your voice, or desiring you carnally. in any case, I'll keep my lines open in the hopes it gives you a bit of comfort. I know it gives me mine. you can keep talking to me here (crumbling, is what they call it) until it slowly fizzles out for you. it's shit, you know? i saw the street fighter icon borders on discord and thought: nattie will like this, or i see a tweet, or a tok. you're always in my thoughts.

be well for now, and go through your day know someone loves you. someone loves you enough to throw everything away and be with you but you're actually kind, and good, and everything lovely. so you want to see me do better. i don't know if i can, not without falling asleep next to you anymore. so, I'll see you around, nat.

[blodgmonster]

ACOFAS reread thoughts. Like anyone cares.

-- sky fucking? Rhys, you classy bastard 🙄

-- "Elain had taken up Azriel's dagger and killed the King of Hybern" Really?? Because I just read ACOWAR, and Elain stabbed the King, yes. But it was NESTA who cut off his fucking head.

-- Rhys about Lucien "I cannot let go of how he treated you Under the Mountain" Uhhhhh, what about how YOU treated Feyre Under the Mountain, buddy boy? Lucien did what he could to help her and he most certainly didn't humiliate her in public by making her dance until she threw up.

-- "You can still barely talk to Nesta...Yet Elain you can talk to nicely."

"Elain is Elain." UHHHHH EXCUSE YOU. "Nesta is...she's Illyrian...So there's no excuse for her behavior." BULL FUCKING SHIT. BOTH sisters let Feyre go into the woods, BOTH sisters were selfish as hell. Elain could have grown vegetables and sold her flowers in the market. But she sat on her ass JUST like Nesta. But Elain gets a pass because she's sweet??? And Nesta? Fuck Nesta because she's spiky? Doesn't matter that she was the only family member who tried to get Feyre back after Tamlin took her. Doesn't matter that she got Made against her will. Doesn't matter that she told her story at the meeting of the High Lords (even though she didn't want to) and spoke passionately in defense of the humans. Doesn't matter that she SAVED Cassian's ass by calling for him moments before the Cauldron blew the Illyrians to hell. Doesn't matter that she watched her father get murdered in front of her and then was willing to die with Cassian. Doesn't matter that SHE killed Hybern. Doesn't matter that she's lost weight and refuses to light a fire for warmth because the snapping of the wood sounds like her dad's neck being snapped. She's standoffish so fuck her I guess.

-- "The Illyrians are pieces of shit." Accurate, Azriel, you mysterious, handsome weirdo.

-- ""You have a name for yourselves," I fought my incredulous tone." Feyre, sweetie you're part of the Inner Circle of the Court of Dreams. I don't think you should be throwing stones at The Band of Exiles.

--Feyre got all in a tizzy about whether or not Nesta was going to come to Solstice and then couldn't be arsed to get her a present? Nice.

-- And now Feyre wants a baby. Even though she said in this book and the last that she wasn’t ready yet. And it's a present for Rhys. GAG.

-- Y'all have a moonstone palace, a cabin, a townhouse, and the House of Wind and you NEED another home? I don't buy it.

-- the tapestry with Void and Hope is excellent, though.

-- And I LOVE the art therapy with the kids.

[mcrmadness]

I know I have been awake for almost 24 hours, and we're again having almost +30C temperatures here and all this is affecting my mood and everything, but holy shit that I feel just so shit.

Mainly about myself and the things I create. Because I really like it how far I have come and I love doing what I do, but I just feel so lonely when I feel that none of that is enough. I always draw or write or edit the wrong things. No one cares about my fanfictions because I write fluff instead of smut (I hate smut, can't even read it anymore, it's so gross). My humour is not funny but rather weird. My comics are stupid. My photorealism drawings are not perfect enough. My videos have either too narrow topics, or just plain stupid and weird humour. Like, I'm proud of my comics, the ideas in those and in my videos make me laugh. With other art projects and also with video editing and gif making I'm constantly learning new tricks and I really love the feeling of making progress.

It's just extremely tiring when others don't see that because social media has created that standard everyone has to fit in in order to be taken seriously or noticed. And you get compared to other "content creators" even if people don't notice doing that. For example, I put so much time and effort in my videos, but I guess they are not interesting enough because they are not 10 seconds long screen-recorded clips from interviews posted on Instagram, nor are they edited with some professional level methods to look like something from a movie. I am still learning and honestly, I never want to be perfect in anything anymore. Reaching the top level means no challenges = boring af.

And don't even get me started about original content. Everything above is about FANART OR FANFICTION. If I post my original art, that gets ignored almost without an exception.

I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong despite me doing what people always are told: be yourself and do what you love. I am! But why do I still feel so lonely and invisible and extremely underappreciated and like I should change when I don't want to?

[mossdeep]

:( i wanted to shiny hunt today but i worked a 10 hour shift and i'm in far too much pain

[confused-and-dickless]

Alright bitches time to celebrate my sister is finally leaving tomorrow! Time to dance

Also I reached the tag limit with my little rant in the tags so if you venture down there just be aware of that

[visd3stele]

magic and kids

summary:

A/N: I really hope you like it. Thank you for your requests. Loved writing it.

art credit: @phantomrin

TW: none

@britishbookworm2 requested (if you want to leave a request as well, click)

masterlist

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

It's been four years since Taryn decided the mortal world would be a more suitable place to raise her child than Elfhame. Even if her sister was now High Queen, the fairies would still make life hard for her and her baby. Maybe not on purpose, she admits it. But magic runs wild, free and unstoppable. Used to it, the Fae Folk barely notices the dangers. And frankly, they don't care. Not allowed to use it on humans as cruelly as before, some meaner courts claim innocent ignorance. How can an entire society of enchanted beings change overnight? How could they be expected to adjust to human fragility all of a sudden?

So Taryn took her baby, promised her sister to visit and fled to Heather and Vivi's. It wasn't as hard as she'd thought. Getting used to the mortal world, that's it. And if her baby had longer canine than normal, or his ears sharpened to pointy edges to the top, it passed unnoticed. Her son certainly didn't stood out the way Vivi did, even with light brown eyes that looked orange in the sun and rusty red hair. He didn't need much glamouring either, not like Oak, Oriana or Madoc. By the time she sent him to preschool his hair was long enough to cover the ears and no one seemed to notice the teeth even without magic.

For all the talk Taryn did on how she wanted her son to be free of his father in all ways, snapping at Oak when the boy tried to teach him magic before he knew how to properly walk and forbidding her family to bring Fairyland up, she named him Renard.

Fitting, though not what she should have done. Maybe part of her can't let Locke go, not entirely. She knew he didn't particularly wanted the baby, that everything he promised her were pretty lies. But for a few months, it has been real. Their marriage, their love, their lives. She saw her dreams come true, one after another: the mistress of an important household, throwing parties for courtiers, motherhood.

Now that everything she wanted snaped broken in tiny little pieces carried away by harsh winter wind, Taryn Duarte couldn't phantom having her child become like his father.

"It has nothing to do with magic, for fuck's sake!" Vivi exploded once, after Taryn better than not threw Oak and Oriana - who came to visit - out of the apartment for trying to reach Renard's magic. "He won't become a sly, selfish fox if he can change appearance or grow horses out of leaves. It's all about his up-bringing!"

"I want him to be normal, Vivi! That's why I took him here!"

Renard has been barely one year old when the argument happened. But it was enough to take his mother's words to heart.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

Four years old Renard and twelve years old Oak played outside, jumping in crusty piles of autumn leaves. The princeling hadn't given up his plans to teach his cousin magic. He refused to let go of such opportunity: a friend he didn't have to hide of, one he could play with like he used to in Elfhame.

"Hey, Ren-Ren," Oak said, "check this out!" The older boy held up his hand, brows furrowed in concentration, lip grazed between his teeth. Nothing happened for an alarming amount of time. And then... the leaves twirl around the two cousins, splashing then with guts of wind and scarce dew as it swept them up in a friendly tornado.

Renard chuckled in delight, stretching to catch some of the closer leaves. But as soon as he touched one, the whole thing fell apart. "No!" Do it again, Oak. Do it again."

"I'm sorry, Ren-Ren," Oak faked a yawned and laid on the ground. "Magic is very serious business. Very consuming. I'm too tired to even move." He let his eyes close dramatically, watching Renard between his lashes. Truth be told, every time he did magic Oak felt good. Vibrant. As if the earth itself reached out and gave him life. But Renard didn't need to know that yet. He can definitely learn it by himself if Oak's plan works out.

The younger boy pouted and dropped on the ground. "Not fair," he muttered to himself.

"You know, Ren-Ren, you're half fae. That means there's a pretty good chance you're magic too."

"No, I'm not."

"You can't know that. Come on, give it a try!"

"No, Oak! I'm not magic. I'm not like Father, I'm like Mom. Like Mom, just like that."

Oak straightened himself, but didn't rose from the ground. "Ok, Ren-Ren. Listen up. Magic is not bad. It's fun. Don't you think it's fun?"

"Yes!" Renard nodded enthusiastically. "It's super fun. When you do it, Oak." At that the named boy own enthusiasm faded away in an instant.

"Thank you, Ren-Ren," he deadpanned. "But do you know what's more fun than watching me practice magic?" Not giving the kid a chance to answer, to even take in the question, really, Oak said "To do it yourself."

"Do you really think I should try, Oak?" Clearly, the little boy was attracted to magic. And clearly something was stopping him. But his older cousin slowly made whatever that was seem less big and scary, dragging him along in his qualms.

"Totally!"

Renard pushed his lips forward with his tongue, sticking it out through the gap in his teeth. Caramel eyes shone with desire, his red hair flown around by a cold, pleasant wind. "Ok," he gave in, as expected. "How do I do it?"

The smirk that lightened up Oak's face can only be describes as evil. Though no ill intention hid behind it. Only the knowledge his plan worked out, just like his sister, Jude's.

"Listen to me very carefully, alright? There is not just one way to make magic, Ren-Ren. You have to find your own. But for now, try the basics. Think really hard on what you want to happen. Something easy. Got anything in mind?" Renard frowned, then his eyes landed on a tree which still had some green leaves on its branches and nodded.

"Perfect! Now, imagine whatever you want to happen. Imagine it happening. Are you imagining?"

"Yes."

"No!" Oak groaned. "If you're paying attention to me, then it means you're not focusing on magic."

"But how will I know what to do if I don't listen to you?"

"I told you! Magic is your own, Ren-Ren. It comes naturally. So, dig it up. Use your imagination."

Renard tried to shut out the world around him, picturing the sole tree in his mind. A warm pull tugged at him and he followed. His magic, he tried not to dwell on the joy, but instead focusing on his practice. His magic reaching out. Because he reached out first.

The boy allowed the warmth to take control, guiding him through it. The tree now carved in his mind by detail wasn't enough. He needed action. But just imagining the leaves to fall wouldn't do. Renard couldn't say how exactly he knew it. He just did. Something more tender was needed. The half fae kid had to imply what he wants and trust his magic to follow his lead.

So Renard made himself cold. Chilly. Feeling a breeze of wind creeping inside his clothes, whipping his skin gently. Enough to rip a leaf off a tree, though. Which it did. The wind he summoned couldn't be felt, not really. Only by himself and the green leaves that departed one by one from their branch as if plucked by an invisible hand.

Oak gasped. Then grinned. And then he laughed. Renard broke free of his concentration, pleased to see his magic didn't falter. Not until every and each green leaf from his chosen tree didn't fall. The sight made him still in awe for a couple of seconds. But soon enough he joined his cousin with a bubble laugh, jumping up and down and running to tackle Oak in a tight hug.

"I did it, Oak! I did it!"

"Yes, you did, Rem-Ren. Indeed, you did. Congrats!"

"Can we show auntie Vivi? And auntie Oriana?"

When Madoc and Oriana first came in the mortal world, Taryn wanted nothing to do with them. But years of being cared for by the blue skinned, white haired, pink eyes woman showed their tale. She agreed to see her, but only her. She could be part of her child life, if she wanted.

"Sure. But don't you want to show your mom first?"

"Mom and auntie Heather work a lot. We can show them later." Renard said, but he felt his magic shrinking at the thought of his mother. His Mom didn't like his father. And his magic comes from his father. Is that why his magic doesn't want to reveal itself near Taryn? He hoped it was just him overthinking it, because he loves his Mom and wants to share this with her.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

Oak stayed with auntie Oriana, who was his mother, so Renard couldn't bring himself to be upset over it. He would want to be with his mother as much as he can as well. So he did a little trick for auntie Vivi, who told him to stay where he was, brought a camera and ordered him to glamour the tea cups again. Renard made them look like pumpkins, since the Halloween being over the corner made him impossibly anxious - in a good way.

Turns out even mortal technology can be fooled by fae's magic. Vivi showed the clip to Heather, who coed over him until Taryn came home.

"Hello, treasure. How was your day? Wanna give mommy a kiss?"

Renard jumped into his mother's arms, pressing a strong kiss on her cheek before starting to tell her about all the fun he had with cousin Oak. "And then he said I should try magic too."

Tamryn stilled. "And?"

"Look, Mom!"

Renard broke a vase, then, with a twitch of his fingers put it back together. "Auntie Vivi says I'm a natural."

"Does she? That's amazing, sweetheart."

But his mother didn't sound thrilled. In fact, her smile wasn't even a smile at all, but a thin line. "I'm sorry, mommy. I knew I shouldn't've done it, but I didn't know why. Now I know: you don't want me using my magic. It'll make me bad, like father."

Renard pushed his lips up front, scrunched his nose up, wiggled his toes, all in an atempt to stop the tears hurting his eyes from falling. When he realized it was in vain, he took off running to his room.

When Taryn entered minutes later she found her son curled on his left side in the middle of the bed, hugging a black goat plushie his uncle Cardan gave him on his birthday tight to his chest. She hated herself for causing the pain struck look on her son's face.

"Hey, sweetie."

"Hi, Mom." Renard wiped his nose with his jumper's sleeve.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie. Mommy was just scared, but that's not your fault. You could never be bad. Magic is not bad. Of course you can practice all you want, but we'll settle some ground, basic rules first. Ok?"

"Really?"

"Rules you can never, ever break. Really."

"Thank you, Mommy! You're the best! Just wait until Oak hears about it."

A/N: Renard means fox in french. Also: oops, guess I finished it earlier than expected and didn't really felt like waiting days to post it 😅