#Sorry to bitch and moan I just needed to vent SOMEWHERE

[that-ineffable-devil]

Fibromyalgia: Oh you've got an interview Tuesday and you want to spend the weekend preparing? Lol no FIBRO FLARE. Get misery nerd.

[missskzbiased]

Getting my Ex-Roommate

It’s a spin off from “Getting a Roommate”, just because I felt Chan deserved better. It’s not required to read the series to understand any of this but I will link it here anyway haha  (Part 1)

Tagging @jikseud since I kinda did it for us SUHAHUSAHUSHAHUSA

Genre: Oneshot, Best friends to lovers Au, Suggestive, Mature/Smut 

[(?): I’m actually not sure if it’s smut, I’m not familiar with what I can call smut, but I do think it’s mature? Please correct me if I’m wrong]

Word Count: ~8,2K Female lead

TW: Dry humping (?), Language, Suggestive stuff (?), Alcohol, Kinda possessive at the end (?), Can it be considered dirty talk (?)  [I swear to god I suck at warning things, I appologize deeply]

                                                    /////

    You could call Bang Chan many things.

   You could call him funny, gentle, kind, an amazing rapper, a great friend, an awesome singer, a perfect producer, smart, goofy... Hot. Hell yeah, you could call him so damn hot! And although you could say he was all that, you couldn’t feel more miserable for being his best friend, and it had a clear reason that you pretend you didn’t know.

   You couldn’t call him your boyfriend.

   The bright part was that nor you nor anyone else for that matter, so you weren’t completely miserable right now, but you kinda were because… Well, you’re his best friend, you should root for him, right? Yeah, right. Totally right. This was exactly the reason why you knocked on his door at 10 PM on a Monday with a bag full of alcohol and food.

   “Bang Chan!” You yelled, getting a groan as an answer “Open the Bifrost” You shouted and you could hear him laughing on the other side.

   “It’s just a door, Y/N” He snorted, opening it for you “Which you have the keys to open if I’m not giving keys to random people on the street that look exactly like you” He rolled his eyes in mockery, making you thoughtfully grab your chin.

   “I think that just might be the case” You sighed, jokingly worried as you came into his place, walking to his kitchen and letting the bag there, resting on the island. He locked the door behind you, chuckling before he followed you to his kitchen, leaning on the doorframe as he watched you taking the things you bought out of the bag.

   “You didn’t need to do it” He reassured you, and you could only scoff, looking at him in disbelief.

   “Yeah, because best friends stay home when their best friends were dumped” You agreed sarcastically “Please, It’s obvious that my mission is to make you drunk and fat right now” You raised the bottle you had in hands and shook the ice cream pot with your other hand, looking at him mischievously “Let’s switch that six-pack into a round one-pack, shall we?” You joked, making him laugh astonished.

   “I can’t believe you… What did I ever do to deserve you? You’re the most perfect best friend ever” he cheered, getting closer and hugging you.

  Yeah! Just what you loved to hear from the guy you have a crush on about forever! Yay!

   “Oh, you thought it couldn’t get better, hm? But I brought your favorite…” You left the food you had in your hands on the island before hugging him back and drumming on his back, making it sillier by mouthing the drum sound as you did it, setting the mood for the big announcement “… Sausage sticks!” You said proudly, and he gasped.

   “You didn’t!” He chirped “I could kiss you right now!” He laughed.

   Just do it!

   “Eww!” You cooed “Gross!” You feigned a queasy expression, getting a scoff from him, which you smiled in response “Come on, let’s eat as you vent about that bitch” You encouraged, picking up the alcohol the best you could, clumsily trying to balance everything, making him cackle up as he picked up some of the bottles from your arms, helping you out. You sat down on the couch, cross-legged, your arms bracing you on the armrest.

    “She’s not a bitch” He complained “She’s actually… Perfect” He sighed, sadly looking into your eyes for comfort, but you averted yours. Of course, she was perfect… You have been watching him fall for her for a while now, you even had the opportunity to see her up close, although she didn’t notice you, and you had to hear about her every time he met you! Even though you knew he thought she was perfect for him, it hurt to hear it again and again, so you just opened up your soju bottle, drinking it eagerly.

   “Well, she’s perfectly fine ditching you for another man, that’s for sure” You said bitterly as you rolled your eyes.

   “Hey, be a little nicer here! I just got dumped” He whined, pouting at you “She likes Minho, what can she do? Pretend she likes me back until I fall for another person?” He mocked “That’s how life is, Y/N! One day you like someone and the other day that someone likes someone else” He stated tiredly, drinking his own bottle.

   “Tell me about it!” You agreed, the clinking noise from your bottle hitting on his sounding in the air before you gulped down again, releasing a loud and pleasing sigh, getting a surprised look from Chan, who seemed genuinely amused.

   “You were dumped too?” He chuckled “How can anyone dump you? You’re perfect!” He frowned suddenly, looking at you seriously “Should I beat him up?” You scoffed.

   “It would be really funny if you did” You joked, imagining him punching himself randomly with a joyful sigh “But I don’t think you should beat him up, it will hurt your soft heart” You mocked, getting a kick as an answer.

   “I tell you everything about my crushes! It’s not fair” He complained, and he was right! He told you everything about his crushes, it was unbearable. You groaned before taking another gulp, and he eyed you worried “Hey, slow down” He advised, but you shrugged him off.

   You could remember all the girls he ever fell for, which was a lot of girls… Chan was a hopeless romantic. You didn’t expect him to be like this when you first met him since he was quite a… Sexual guy, to say the least. It was kind of funny to see how he acted in bed (Not that you have seen it, but you heard it a lot) and how he got all lovey-dovey with random chicks that appeared on his life. You couldn’t say it was really fun, though, since none of those chicks were you.

   What an unfair life!

   You remembered how he looked in your eyes when you first met, smiling at you and saying that the only rule you should have was not to fuck each other, because it couldn’t end up well. At first, you agreed eagerly, not really thinking much about it, but then you started to hear him… All those girls should feel so damn lucky if he made them feel like screaming on your ears every fucking night! In the beginning, it enraged you, it was uncomfortable, and then somewhere along the way it turned into sexy… You enjoyed listening to him.

   If you were fair enough you could point out exactly the day it happened.

   You were sitting in the kitchen, drinking your hot chocolate warily expecting him to be done anytime soon so you could go to sleep in peace. The girl finally let out a loud moan that you knew too well, it was that kind of moan you let out when you couldn’t take anything anymore, you could only lay there and sleep, completely happy with your life. Good for her! Because you had to wake up really early in the morning and you couldn’t be unhappier… Your moody mind got startled at a shirtless Chan walking into the kitchen, his boxers kind of messy and the only thing that protected his body from your thirsty eyes.

   He was… Wow.

   You had seen him shirtless before, of course, you were his roommate, but you never saw him all fucked out, his hair messy, his skin sweaty and flushed, his chest going up and down as he breathed… You didn’t even know! Satisfied? Heavily? You just knew it sounded hot and you wanted to get his boxers out of that body and take him to yourself. Of course, you didn’t. He greeted you with an angelic smile, warmed up some water while you ogled at his back, and went back to his room to take care of the lucky girl.

   You have never been the lucky girl once.

   The problem could be small if he just fucked well, but Bang Chan was an angel in real life, which should be unfair to all the boys on the planet! You couldn’t understand how no one tried to beat him up just because they were angry with his perfection. You wanted to beat him up for being that perfect. It was impossible to point out a flaw on that damn face, and it enraged you to the point you wanted to be fucking him angrily, which didn’t help your case at all. Actually, being a hopeless romantic wasn’t quite the virtue you were looking for, but would you put it as a flaw? You didn’t even care anymore, all you wanted was to fuck and cuddle him to your death.

   “What are you thinking about?” His voice startled you, your eyes shooting to his as you tried to think what to say without telling him the truth “You’re off for quite a while now” He added, looking worried.

   “I drank too fast” You lied, cringing with your stupidity, but he seemed to buy it “Anyway, I’m not here to talk about my terrible love life, I’m here to hear about yours” You reminded him, gesturing so he could start complaining, your bottle being finished as you went silent.

   “I don’t have much to complain, really… I expected it one way or another, I kinda knew she liked Minho, I just hoped she could like me better” He admitted, looking at his bottle for a few seconds before drinking “I told her we could be friends, I just needed some time to adjust… She’s coming this Friday, so… Yeah, that’s pretty much all that I have to say” He looked at you, expecting you to say something.

   “I can’t believe you used all my pick-up lines on her” You groaned “I gave you my best one so far!” You whined childishly.

   “I’m sorry, but I had to use the photographer one! I can picture you and I together was just right there to be used!” He defended himself, and you pouted, finishing another bottle, just like him. The sad part about this one was that you really meant it… You could remember how nervous you were when you said it as a “joke” and he cringed, laughing and saying he would totally use that with her… It shattered your heart. You opened the third bottle, drinking it at once “Wow! What the hell, girl?!” He got startled “You’re not a good drinker, what are you doing?”

   “You’re not the only one who wants to forget someone” You protested, opening one more drink “Let me drink my problems away” He looked at you sympathetically. You couldn’t believe you were so boldly trying to flirt with him just to be his motivation to flirt with another girl! You hated how he was oblivious to your feelings. Oh, well! There here was a flaw!

   “That bad, hm? What did he do?” He asked curiously, opening and drinking his soju in one go, just like you “We can drink it all away together, you’re right” he agreed, looking at you concerned. Your stomach flipped when you looked at his eyes, his swollen lips from sucking the bottleneck catching your eyes for just a second before your eyes darted to his again.

  Not every flaw in the world could make you want him less.

   “He fell in love with someone else… I guess best friends have the same love problems” You smiled bitterly “Actually, I like him for a while now, but he can’t even see me as a woman” You sighed, averting your eyes and fixing them on your bottle again. Maybe it was the alcohol speaking, but you felt free to say it out loud, maybe all you had to do was vent a little bit, complain about him so you could move on.

   “I doubt that” He scoffed “There’s no way in hell he doesn’t see you as a woman! Like no way in fucking hell!” He disagreed eagerly, and you narrowed your eyes to him “I mean it! I’m not saying you’re just this, don’t get me wrong! You know you’re smart and funny, you know you’re like the perfect girl to any guy out there!” He started cautiously, making you snort.

   To any guy out there but him…

   “Spill it” You encouraged, expecting him to say something dumb, trying to light up your mood. He used to do it a lot when you lived together, say stupid things just to make you laugh and feel better after a crap day… Well, until he decided to move out. You never really understood what was the deal. He said he wanted to live with the boys so he could produce his music, but he could do it while living with you, couldn’t he? Of course, He could! He was doing this right now after being kicked out from their place! And he didn’t even think to move in with you again… Well, He deserved being kicked out! You thought as you scoffed, the bittersweetness in your mouth could be either from the alcohol or from your soul at this point.

   “But you also hot as hell” He added. You could only choke, coughing so much you had to rest your bottle on the floor, looking at him completely in chock while he just smiled sheepishly “I mean it, you’re gorgeous! If he doesn’t see you as a woman, he’s totally insane!” He reassured, and you averted your eyes again, wondering if you should say something to him. He never called you hot before… Maybe it was the alcohol? He wasn’t exactly the best drinker in the world, but it was just his… How many bottles did he have? He couldn’t be drunk already, could he? And even if he was! Was he being the sincere drunk? Did he really think about you like this and just never dared to say it to your face? You glanced over him, watching as he drank lazily.

   You decided to ignore it by now.

   “Well, I can’t really blame him for not liking me, right?” You trailed off, and Chan nodded at you “At least he didn’t hook up with me before” You mused and as soon as you said it he shot you a glare “No, sorry! I’m just angry at this girl, okay? You took her on dates, you were all lovey-dovey with her, you took care of her when she was on her period… I can’t believe she just left you like this” You complained, picking up your bottle and drinking it as Chan drank his own.

   If you were her, you would never leave him.

   “She wanted to see if it would go well… It didn’t” He shrugged “It’s not a big deal, I think you’re more upset about it than I am” He laughed. You slapped your own thigh, startling him as you pointed at him, angry. He was right, you were far more upset with this than him, maybe because you couldn’t understand how she could miss your chance like this! He did all you wished he would do with you and then she just dropped him!

   “You should be upset too! She called you a hot daddy and she just went away like this!” You whined. You looked at the bottle on your hand, wondering how many bottles did you just drink, feeling a little bit tipsy, but you shrugged it off by looking at Chan again, frowning. The truth was that you found the girl amusing, for all you saw and all you heard, she was fun to be around, and maybe you could even be her friend! You both seemed to be quite similar. You didn’t have much to defend your plea, so you were just saying anything you could think of by this point.

   “Do you want me to be upset?” He chuckled “I thought you came here to make me feel better” He whined, nudging you with his feet, making you giggle “Come on, make me feel good!” He uttered, throwing himself back on the couch, sprawling there with a pout. You looked at his lips, kinda drooled but still looking kissable, tracing over his neck to his arms until you got to his hand hanging off of the couch holding his drink… Somehow the eight bottles you had bought were just empty on the floor… Did you two drink that much already?

   Suddenly you realized what he had just said.

   “Wait, what?!” You asked startled, he looked at you confused, a goofy smile on his lips.

   “Make me feel good~” He repeated himself, “You said you came here to cheer me up, right?” He pouted again, and you had to fight your urge to crawl over him and kiss him right there. You averted your eyes, feeling shy all of sudden, and he seemed to notice the change in your mood, because he sat back, straight, and tilted his head cutely “What’s up?”

  You felt his gaze burning your face.

  Or maybe it was just you blushing.

  Or maybe it was the alcohol.

   “I can kiss it better” You muttered under your breath, your face heating up like hell “Where does it hurt?” You asked, bolder than you thought you should be, your eyes fixing on his, buried there. You could swear he was blushing too. Maybe it was just the alcohol speaking, but you were so sure he was blushing like you were, looking at you expectantly.

   “We’re drunk” He gulped down, looking attentively as you uncrossed your legs and kneeled on the couch, crawling over him slowly, his body leaning back until his head sank in his pillow as you leaned closer to his face “We’re friends” He tried again, watching as you licked your bottom lip while ogling his own, he felt his throat blocking, the dryness in it making him whine “Right?” He asked unsurely, his eyes fixed on your lips.

   “You can call us friends…” You agreed, a smirk flickering over your face “… But I want to call you Daddy tonight” He gasped, his breath withhold as he watched you closing the gap between your lips. You couldn’t tell if it was the drunkenness or just to be able to finally kiss him after such a bold statement, but you were light-headed and messy right now, your lips met awkwardly, too much teeth to the formula, which made you snort right into the kiss “Sorry” You blurted out embarrassed, widening your eyes as you giggled and sat in his lap, watching him under you.

   “Oh lord…”He muttered, his eyes searched dazzlingly for yours, his hand caressing your cheek “Could you please not sit on my dick? It would help me so much…” You burst out laughing, his voice sounding drowsy to your ears, his tongue rolling as he tried to speak, his gaze fixing in the ceiling, trying to avert from your eyes.

    “I thought you wanted me to make you feel good” You whispered in his ear, sending a shiver down his spine, his eyes shutting immediately, his hand made their way to your hips as soon as you rolled them against his, gripping you hard and forcing you down, so you would stay still. You would never do something like this in a sober state, but right now it seemed so right… That’s why even with his grip on you, his budge pressed against you distracting you from sober thoughts, you rolled your hips again, enticing a strangled moan from him that could be enough to set you on fire for days.

    “We really shouldn’t” He tried to say, his voice dripping like syrup, his mind lost somewhere along the way, his eyes refusing to look at you. He knew the moment he opened his eyes, he would lose himself right there, just by facing the lust on yours. You should never know this, but he wanted this for so long… You would never imagine how much he refrained himself every day until he found her, the girl who finally got you away from his mind… The girl that resembled you so much that he found it possible to move on from you… Just so you could blow all that up.

   Gosh, he wished you would blow him right now.

   “We… Shouldn’t?” Your voice sounded unsure and fragile, so soft he almost didn’t hear you, and you lifted from his lap, his hand still glued to your hip while he opened his eyes slowly to watch you “I mean… “ You cleared your throat, giving him a fake and bright smile “You’re too weak, what’s that? For some Daddy you sure lose your shit quickly” You joked half-heartedly, getting up from him and standing beside the couch, his eyes buried into yours, looking for something you didn’t know, so you averted yours.

   “It’s just that… We’re… Drunk” He trailed off, averting his eyes as well “I don’t want us to regret this… I mean, we’re friends, right? I don’t want to lose this” He pointed between you two, getting up from the couch as well to get close to you. You scoffed, nodding in agreement, even though you didn’t agree at all. Yeah, you felt kinda tipsy, but no, you weren’t drunk, you were bold at best! He looked fine too… He just didn’t want this as much as you.

   “You’re right” You stated bitterly “We’re drunk and hurt… We’ve been friends for too long to lose it for being a rebound” He perked his ears at your sigh, looking at you directly now “It was supposed to be a joke, but it got out of hand, I’m sorry” You lied, smiling awkwardly at him. He held your hand, squeezing it reassuringly, and smiling back to you.

   “No, no… I am the one who should be sorry” His other hand caressed your cheek, and you felt your eyes tearing up. Why did he have to be so caring? He got alarmed at the sight, cupping your cheeks, leading you to face him gently, his eyes worriedly scanning your features “Sorry… I’m just…” Your voice trembled, cracking in the end, broken.

   “Oh, angel” He cooed, hugging you tightly “That’s not your fault… We’re fine, I promise you” his thumbs rubbed circles on your back, soothingly, and every string inside your brain tensed up, trying to stay focused, trying to understand that this would never happen even if you really urged for it. You hugged him back, taking advantage of these few seconds you could have, taking him in as you prepared to let him go.

  “We’re fine, you’re right” You agreed, breaking away from him before you wiped your tears away hurriedly, chuckling “I’m just sensitive right now… I guess… Well, it’s hard to fall for someone that can’t be yours” He nodded, cupping your cheek again as he looked lovingly at you.

   You wished he could look at you like this every day and not only when you were crying.

   “Okay! Let’s lift that mood” You clapped your hands suddenly, startling him, your smile back to your face as you tried to compose yourself “I’m going to take a bath now and we’re going to sleep because your bloody ass was dumped on a Monday and I have classes tomorrow morning, unlike a lazy bitch” You eyed him envy, making him laugh. You smiled for real this time, enjoying the sound of his laugher, glancing at his dimples with a tight chest. He was so cute…

   Oh, good lord! Why give you a handsome and fuckable best friend and not let you enjoy this life?

   You made your way to his room, picking up his clothes so you could sleep comfortably. You choose a thin shirt and a pair of boxers you were used to dressing, knowing it was comfy and soft, and headed to his bathroom, expecting that a cold shower could help your mind for now. You undressed quickly, letting your clothes on his laundry basket before letting the cold water hit your foot, getting used to the temperature before getting your legs, arms, and chest under the water. You let the water hit the back of your neck, the pressure helping you with your tension.

   Everything was fine.

  You slept in his bed many times by now… Just because you just sat on his lap, rolled your hips and heard him moan for you… Okay, that was not how you should structure your thoughts. It didn’t matter you just heard him moan right under you, almost asking for you to… Okay, not like that. The cold shower wasn’t helping at all. It didn’t matter, whatever it was, that’s it! Now it was far better! It didn’t matter, you weren’t overthinking it, you didn’t mind he would be lying on his bed on his boxers like usual, totally relaxed.

   For lord’s sake.

   Would it be bad if you just touched yourself for just a second? You could come in a minute? How the hell did you expect to lay down with him semi-naked after tonight? You were just crying on his chest for something he didn’t even know! After sitting on his damn lap! What the hell were you thinking? You should stay away from alcohol forever. That was it. No more drinking for you. Nothing. Not one drop would touch your lips from now on.

   Maybe think about lips wasn’t the best choice at all.

   You remembered how your lips met his, all drooled because of drinking and still managing to taste just fine. God does favorites after all. You should have done it better… You just smashed your lips together, kinda lost in what you were doing, your teeth even hit each other! Ugh… He would think you were a terrible kisser! Not that it matters, since you shouldn’t do it again. Yeah, you were worrying for nothing, like always. You even puffed his mouth with air! Why did you have to laugh in the middle of the kiss?! Oh my god… All your life was embarrassing.

   You turned off the shower, drying yourself and dressing up so you could finally lay down, not minding him at all, because he was a friend. Just a friend. Best friend of one and all. When it came to shipping, you and he could only be on a friendship, because that was exactly what you were. A friend. Great, your mind wasn’t done rambling, which was the last thing you needed right now, but who cares? Not your brain, that’s for sure.

   “Hey” You greeted, trying to sound at ease. He had his arms crossed under his head, looking at the ceiling contemplatively before hearing you. He seemed in deep thought, but he still turned his head to look at you, smiling when he saw you with his clothes, the same clothes you picked up every time you needed to borrow some from him. Unexpectedly, he was covered with a blanket, which wasn’t really his thing “What is it? Are you shy to let me see you on your boxers for the hundredth time?” You joked, amused by the blush dusting his cheeks.

   “I thought… I don’t know, maybe you would be uncomfortable?” He confessed, a sigh leaving his lips “I’m just being dumb, hm?” He laughed bashfully, tossing the blanket aside “Come here” He wiggled his brows jokingly, patting the spot next to him, getting a chuckle from you.

   “I’m glad you’re just being weird like always” You stated before turning off the lights, sitting on the corner of the bed before slicking over to his side, cuddling him “I wouldn’t be able to sleep if you didn’t let me cuddle you like always, Mr.Puffles” You couldn’t see it in the dark, but you were sure he rolled his eyes as he always did when you compared him to your body pillow, a birthday gift he gave you on your first year together as a roommate, implying you were too cuddly to sleep by yourself.

   “Stop calling me Mr.Puffles” He whined, hugging you under the blanket and resting his chin on the top of your head. You felt all your worries disappear. It was just Chan and you cuddling like always, all your horny past left behind, no grudges, no judgment… “Was it Mr.Puffles who hurt your heart like this?” He mocked. What a little prick.

   “Mr.Puffles could never hurt me” You retorted, nudging him “The boy who hurt me is a prick, an evil soul that fucks every girl around but me” You made sure to let your tone mysterious and ridiculous, making him snort “I guess it’s fine, though, I’ll just move on… I think it was about time for me to understand we wouldn’t get together…” You felt sad, especially as he nodded against your head, oblivious he was the one who made you feel like this.

   “He doesn’t deserve you” He assured you, his tone was bitter, he clearly hated whoever was making you sad like this. He kissed the top of your head and you hummed, agreeing with him half-heartedly before closing your eyes and letting go of your mind.

   You wished a good night of sleep would erase all of your worries.

                                                                  ////

   It should be no surprise it didn’t.

   You woke up with a crack of light right on your eye, pissing you off as the first thing in your morning. You whined, your arms moving to your head, trying to block the light, getting you a little bit happier when the uncomfortable sensation of your eye burning under the sun went away. Your eyes roamed through the room, realizing you were at Chan’s. You began to feel more aware of your surroundings, your eyes rested on his nightstand, his alarm silently staring back at you which made you realize something terrible: You woke up before your alarm. You were sure you set it to the right time, so that bloody silence in the room could only mean that the damn light woke you up for nothing.

   Your day was officially sucking!

   You moved a little bit, feeling cloistered, but Chan’s grip was strong around your waist, he just pulled you closer, whining in his sleep when you tried to get away, tightening his grip around you, which would be okay if he wasn’t wrapping you up like a taco, his leg thrown around your hips, his arms involving you, one of his hands on your waist and the other one grazing over your breast. You sucked in a gasp, feeling his hand almost groping you. Amazing… Now you were stuck in his arms as his hands brushed places you would prefer they didn’t.

   Well, actually you would prefer they did, but purposely trying to arouse you, not like this.

   Of course, it could get worse.

   You tried to loosen up his grip by shoving his arms, but he responded to your efforts wrapping you up a little bit more, dragging you closer by your waist so close to him you could feel his crotch against your ass. Fun fact: It was hard. Of course, he had to have a wet dream right beside you while he groped you and humped you… Just what you needed to move on completely from him.

  “Chan?” You tried to call, your voice husky since you just woke up, or at least that was what you wanted to believe. You couldn’t be aroused by a sleeping friend that happened to be aroused against you, right? Not that kind of raspy voice…Not at all. He hummed, although you didn’t believe he had woke up, burying his face in your hair, muttering something you couldn’t quite hear, your heart racing so much that it rammed inside your head.

   Oh my god.

   “Y/N?” He called you back, his voice was raspy and his tongue rolled your name like a drunk man, clearly sleepy, and for a moment you felt relief wash over you, grateful god would let him wake up and release you from the heavenly suspicious hell. Surprisingly, he didn’t wake up, he bucked his hips against you, squeezing you as he let his hot breath fan over your right ear.

  Oh lord.

  “Chan, please wake up” You pleaded, his cock pressed against your butt and his lips brushing your ears being enough for your tongue roll just like his, but naughtier, as the shiver ran through your body, making you shut your eyes for god knows what reason, since it just enhanced all those feelings “Come on, wake up” You said again, trying to nudge him with your elbow.

   “Hm?” The hit seemed to work, he shifted, and you took the chance to roll away as you could, which meant you got on your back, getting away from his crotch for now, but still being held by your waist. He didn’t seem interested in waking up, so he took your new position in, hugging you like a koala and burying his face on the crook of your neck.

   What a great place to plaster a hot breath.

   You closed your eyes, deciding to enjoy the feelings, his body warming up yours, his breath giving you goosebumps, his grip tight on you like he didn’t want to let go. You stretched your neck just for a bit, almost hoping he would just kiss it, which he didn’t, but his lips brushed over your sensitive skin and you gripped the sheets hard, biting your lip to suppress a moan. You could say you almost had a heart attack when your alarm burst out of nowhere, startling both of you. You jumped, accidentally head-butting his nose, getting a whine from him as he hovered over you to turn off the alarm.

  That was it, you were dead.

  He supported himself with his knee, that was already over your body, so he just sank it between your legs, his left arm bracing him as he stretched his right one to turn off the alarm. His chest was right there for your display, and you almost reached for it, wishing you could caress him and kiss him until he moaned your name… Control your mind! You can control it. He seemed to realize someone was under him, so he looked in your way, taking in your flushed state.

   You were a mess.

   Your hair was messy, your clothes were messy, the sheets were messy… What the hell had happened while he was sleeping? Somehow your shirt had come up quite a bit, revealing your belly and hanging too close to your boobs, letting too much skin uncovered, which made him gulp. He traced his eyes over your belly to your boxers, short enough to fully reveal your thighs and get his attention when you tried to pressed them together, rubbing against his knee.

   What an unholy view…

   “Sorry” He muttered, getting off of you, laying his back in the bed and looking to the ceiling, expecting the blank surface to make his bulge disappear somehow. It was almost painful how hard you could get him just staying still, those innocent eyes looking at him startled and… He didn’t even know! Eagerly? It seemed like you expected him to do something.

   “Totally fine” Your voice came out hoarsely, and you cursed yourself. Way to go unnoticed! Your legs couldn’t support you even if you tried to stand up, you just felt them mushy, like your soul was trembling to get yourself on him, riding him until you couldn’t walk to your class anymore. He was just too hot to handle… How could you endure it? Being next to a guy who literally just called you in his sleep and rubbed his cock against your ass? You weren’t even wearing underwear! It was just boxers against boxers… You could feel your body tensing up, a pinch on your stomach that needed to be released.

    But not now.

    “Aren’t you… Hm… Getting up?” He asked, his face turning to you so he could lock his eyes with yours. That was it. Fuck it. You couldn’t care less you had classes today, you threw your leg over his hips, watching as he widened his eyes when you sat right on his dick, just like the last night. You rocked your hips once, getting a shaky moan from him, his eyes closing in delight “What are you doing?” He managed to ask, his mind too high to really understand what he was saying but trying to look composed.

   “I’m getting up on you” You stated boldly, waiting for him to open his eyes, but he didn’t. You scoffed, the smugness taking control of your mind as you leaned closer to his ear, letting your breath fan there for a moment, feeling him twitch under you “What were you dreaming?” He shot his eyes open, a gasp leaving his lips “I heard you call my name… As you… Humped… Me” You made sure to pronounce everything slowly, getting off on his shiver, a little whimper falling from his lips.

   You felt powerful.

   “Y/N?” His voice trembled and you leaned back, your eyes searching for some kind of resistance in his face “Are you sure you want this?” His eyes focused on you, concerned, and you rolled your eyes, astonished.

   “Are you fucking kidding me?” You scoffed “Do you think I would do it if I wasn’t sure?” He smiled sheepishly at you, embarrassed “There’s a limit you shouldn’t cross on being dumb, Chan” You laughed, looking at him in adoration for a moment, just enjoying his shy look “Are you sure about this?” You bit your lip, trying to not avert your eyes as he opened and closed his mouth, unsure about what to say.

    You panicked.                                                                                                                            

    Of course, he didn’t want this! If he wanted this he wouldn’t back off yesterday, he wouldn’t ask you if you were sure… He would take that not so subtle hint that was your clothed core rubbing against his cock as a clear sign of you wanting to do it with him right now. You tried to get off of him, raising yourself slightly before his hands shoot to your hips and grabbed them, tugging you and crashing your hips together, a groan escaping from his lips along a loud moan leaving yours.

    Holy fuck…

    “Don’t you fucking dare…” He whispered, panting, his forehead rested on your shoulder, his body shivering under yours in excitement “I swear to god… You can’t even imagine how much I wanted to fuck you” He raised his head a little bit, looking at your hips pressed together, your body twitching under his grip “You’re so fucking hot… I had to move out because I couldn’t handle myself… Did you know that?” He raised his head, looking right into your eyes, his eyes dark as you never saw “Did you know I quit being your roommate because every time I saw you, I wanted to fuck you until you forget your damn name?”

   That was it! It was a dream.

   There was no way in hell you were awake right now.

   “Answer me” He ordered, his voice sounded too sexy to allow you to think straight, so you just stared back at him, wetting your dry lips with your tongue, your eyes briefly darting to his lips before going back to his eyes “You can’t even answer me…” He scoffed, rolling his eyes as if you were dumb “Okay, let me ask you this… Are you doing it so you can forget him?” This time his voice wasn’t smug, it was unsure and worried. You couldn’t even understand what he was worrying about.

   “Forget him?” You asked confused, your eyes wandering through his face “What?” He closed his eyes, impatient, before he opened them again and dived into your own. He didn’t answer you, so you stood there in silence, wondering what he wanted you to say until it hit you, and as your eyes lit up in realization, you laughed “What?! There is no him, dumbass! It’s you!” He seemed surprised but relieved, and you couldn’t help but cup his cheeks as you smiled at him, delighted “It has always been you…” You pulled his face closer, your lips smashing mid-way, your tongue immediately asking for permission to explore his mouth.

   You never imagined you would be kissing Bang Chan.

   Okay, you imagined it! But you never thought it was going to be real.

   This time, the soberness helped you both, not an issue with your kiss, quite the opposite actually. As you just melted into the kiss, his hands slipping to your waist and holding you gently, like you could break and fade away anytime now, your hands slickered to the back of his neck, fingers fisted on his locks, pulling them and making him groan into the kiss, completely absorbed on what you made him feel. You couldn’t help but moan against his lips as you heard it, rolling your hips ever so slightly just to feel him against you, getting your folds apart.

   “You’re so needy, angel” He whispered, his mouth hovering over yours, his eyes closed as he dunks in the heat pouring out of your body, the warmth between your bodies seemed to get him high, and your nails scratching down his nape weren’t helping at all. He buried his nose on your neck, breathing you in, registering you in the back of his mind, your mouth agape in pleasure from a tiny action like this “But you’re also a brat… You shouldn’t talk back to your Daddy” He sighed, disappointed in you, leaving a soft bite on your neck before leaning back, enough to take in the view.

   Your eyes were closed, your neck slowly stretching as your head was so heavy with all your lust that it just needed to hang back, your mouth still opened, prepared to moan at any moment. What a beautiful sight. He smirked before getting his hands away from you, crossing it behind his neck, watching as you opened your eyes, annoyed. You glared at him, clearly wanting him to fuck you right now but he just snorted, cocking his brow.

   “I won’t pleasure a brat” He grimaced at you, feeling cocky as he saw your pout, your brows frowning “You should do this by yourself if you can’t behave” He mocked, watching as you scoffed, outraged, before sinking in him in a silent challenge. He groaned as he felt your folds embracing him over the fabrics, you could only be dripping if you could just sink like this on his dick, and just the thought was enough to make him want to rip your clothes and fuck you right there, put aside your misbehave.

   “Watch me” You didn’t know if it was a plead or a dare and neither did he, so he just focused on your hips moving against his, (not so) dryly humping him at a steady pace. You stroke your heat against him, feeling as the fabric of your boxers drenched with your juices, making it slid too easily and rub your clit, your whines uncontrollable, you were sure his boxers were getting drenched too as you did it, and you couldn’t help but dig your nails on his shoulders just by imagining it. He groaned under your grip, feeling as you slid too easily on him.

   “Holy shit, you’re so wet and I didn’t even touch you” He actually didn’t intend to mock you by this but as soon as you squirmed, biting your lips and fastening your pace, he chuckled “Oh… So you like to be a needy little whore?” His voice sounded so smug that you wanted to retort him, but your mind couldn’t register what he was saying. How could you feel so good just by grinding him? You felt something build-up inside you, a far too familiar sensation that could only lead you to the best orgasm you would have had in your life.

    Until the damn second alarm sounded.

    You cried as you felt your orgasm fade away, vanish like it wasn’t right there for you, startled by the sound, and devasted for the lack of pleasure you would get. Chan turned off the alarm, chuckling as he saw you leaning on his chest, your nose buried on his shoulder as you whined over and over again a bunch of “no���s”, muffled by his skin. He stroke your hair gently, waiting for you to recover from your frustration.

    “Time for your classes, angel” He really didn’t want you to go but he said it anyway, holding your waist so you could get up but you held his arms for dear life, whining. He stopped his movements, trying to take a look at your state, and you made it easier by straightening yourself on his lap again, glossy eyes looking at him pleading.

   “Fuck my classes! Please, let me cum” Your plea sounded like the sweetest sound he could ever hear, you bucked your hips against his once, then twice, and without a proper answer, you just resumed from where you left, humping him eagerly, hoping you could reach your orgasm this time. It built up much faster than before, the knot forming on your stomach almost immediately, and you couldn’t help but moan loudly as you felt it deliciously spreading everywhere.

    Chan watched as you flushed, your neck, ears, and face painted in pink, your boobs bouncing up and down as you kept your pace, your arms tangling his neck, your head slowly falling back, your body trembling slightly as you got closer to your high. You tried to shut your mouth but as soon as your orgasm hit you, you cried satisfied, your mouth agape, a string of saliva connecting your lips before running down your chin, your eyes rolling back as his name was enchanted over and over again, and when you became unable to talk, your tongue just slid out your mouth, hanging there in the most filthy view he had in his whole life.

   He could have come right there.

   You didn’t stop your movements, rocking your hips slowly until you could ride out from your high, and when you finally stopped, feeling whole as you never felt, you looked into his eyes. He looked dazed at you, his eyes fucking you silently, and he let a breathless “wow” slip from him as he watched you. The shame crushed you without any mercy, humiliation washing over you as you tried to hide from him, your face burying in his chest. He chuckled, amused by your shyness before he rubbed your back gently.

    “Can you keep going?” You scoffed, nuzzling into his chest.

    “Are you fucking kidding me?” You asked tiredly, a smile growing in your face “If you tried to stop me now I would have to search someone to fuck on the streets” You joked but he didn’t seem to like it, gripping your waist and bringing your body closer to his, getting a whine out of you when you rubbed against him again.

    “I will make sure to fuck you until you can’t even think about fucking someone else” He assured you, his voice low and threatening, getting you even more aroused than you were “Be a good girl and when I’m finished, you won’t even remember your name, angel, you won’t be able to cum with anyone else, you will be my little slut... Only mine” His whisper sent a shiver down your spine and even though you were more than willing to comply, you snorted.

   “What if I’m a bad girl?” He scoffed, his fingers burying in your hair and tugging it slightly as he approached his lips from your ears, letting his teeth graze your earlobe before biting it.

   “Then I will punish you so hard you won’t be able to walk for a week” His threat made you twitch, your tongue darted to your lips, wetting them.

    “Make it two and I will be the best brat you ever had” You offered, making him laugh, breaking his character for a moment. He shook his head in disbelief, kissing your neck softly.

    “What do I do with you?” He giggled, hugging you tightly, and you chuckled, scratching his back lightly.

    “I hope you’ll do me before I need to ask someone else” You joked.

    “Okay, let’s make it two” He agreed, his eyes darkening again “I won’t stop until you’re begging me to ruin you” He promised, and you gulped down, excited as his fingers traced down your body until it reached your core “Are you familiar with the color system?” He asked, thumb flicking your clit directly, making you squirm under his touch as you nodded silently, lost in your mind “Use your words, angel… I want to hear your voice… It’s time for the neighbors to meet my new roommate, don’t you think?” His finger slid inside you, suddenly, a surprised moan leaving your lips on spot, getting a smirk from him “Yeah, that’s right… Something like this” He approved.

   What a perfect son of a bitch…

[bigskydreaming]

Two Qs, 1. How do I stop people from assuming I'm ableist n hate me for it if a character I Hate for TONS of petty+ serious reasons just happens to be a disabled character? Like if they were a brain in a jar with a mouthpiece I'd still not be in their vicinity without setting my head on fire it has nothing to do with their body or gender or skills etc. And 2. How do you post a fic w/o fear of some lurker stealing ideas n publishing it as a novel n becoming popular I mean... like CC exists......

Here’s the thing….there’s never ever going to be a person who manages to make it through life without being misconstrued on SOME subject. We have no control over what other people think about us, only on what we put out there for them to perceive and form opinions on. And sometimes those opinions are entirely contrary to what we feel we’re putting out there, and that sucks and can be aggravating as hell, and you might need to vent about that or groan to yourself or a friend or maybe it’ll make you bitter and petty on a subject, but at the end of the day - it doesn’t matter. You can’t ENSURE someone has the opinion about you and what you’re putting out there that you want them to have, and you just gotta find a way to be okay with that.

And there’s really no way around it, you just kinda gotta….figure out a way to make that happen. And its easier said than done, for sure, and its far from a sure thing, I bitch and moan constantly about people getting me wrong on various subjects because hoo boy do I seem to get a lot of people steamed about opinions I don’t actually have lolololol. So like I said, I get it, its frustrating as hell, when you’re absolutely sure the opinion they’re expressing of you is not based on something you’ve actually said or believe.

BUT.

But but but but but.

Before you go raring off to the races getting frustrated and fed up with a person because they seem just determined not to hear what you’re truly trying to say on a subject…..double check, triple check, make crystal fucking clear that you’ve reviewed what you’ve ACTUALLY said - not just what you think you said, not what you meant to say in your head, but rereading back to yourself what you ACTUALLY have said on the subject - and make 100% sure that they’re not picking up on something that YOU YOURSELF DIDN’T PICK UP ON WHEN EXPRESSING AN OPINION.

Because that happens. All the time. To all of us.

And just because we didn’t MEAN to put any ableism or racism or homophobia or sexism in there, that doesn’t mean that some didn’t slip in any way without our realizing not. We all grow up steeped in environments that are chock full of all those things and more, they inform and influence so many more of our opinions and choices and decisions than even we realize. And just because we don’t THINK of ourselves as being any of the above, doesn’t mean that we haven’t at any point expressed certain viewpoints or said certain things or performed certain actions…..that in and of themselves are ableist or racist or homophobic or sexist or transphobic or any of the above or more. 

And just because we didn’t notice it was there didn’t mean it wasn’t there, and THAT could be what they’re picking up on…..and while that one instance of harmful thinking/speech/action isn’t necessarily representative of who you are as a whole…..to someone who only knows you via certain limited interactions, that one instance is a far greater slice of the pie, so there’s no real reason for them NOT to assume that’s representative of you overall, rather than an exception that only slipped through the cracks because you didn’t realize it was there.

So if you genuinely, truly don’t believe you’re ableist in your thinking or opinions and thus don’t want anyone to assume that of you, the only way to really do that is NOT to assume that nothing you say or do is ableist because you know yourself and know that you’re not an ableist person.

Rather, the thing to do is each and every time someone accuses you of that, like….take the time to review what you ACTUALLY said or did that they’re responding to, and double check that its not actually ableist. Reaffirm if only to yourself that you stand by what you said or did and that you said or did it for the right reasons and not what they’re presuming. It really doesn’t cost you that much time or energy to do that check-up on yourself….and the end result is that it doesn’t mean that you’re going to be able to change that person’s mind about you - if you said what you meant to say originally, and after reviewing it still stand by it, chances are, they’re probably interpreting you the way they are for their own reasons, and there’s not much any of us can do about that. 

But at least you can be sure then that no matter what someone else thinks, YOU are comfortable with your reasons for feeling a certain way about certain characters or whomever…….and that ultimately is all that really matters. All that we have control over, and what we have to fall back on even when people are pissing us the hell off because they seem bound and determined to interpret us wrong - and truuuuuuust me, I mean it when I say I get that, lol.

But you gotta do the work. There’s no shorthand, not if you’re genuinely sincere about NOT wanting to be the thing that they think you’re being. None of us can unilaterally just….decide not to be ableist or something like similar, and TRUST that deciding not to be that thing ACTUALLY means that no ableist or similar thinking is ever going to sneak into our opinions or actions regardless. 

So ultimately, my best advice is just to remember to listen just as much as you pay attention to what you say and put out there….because no matter how certain you are of your own nature overall, that doesn’t mean that individual actions and speech can’t get away from you…..and it doesn’t hurt you to be open to being told you did or said something ableist even if unintentionally. Rather, if you genuinely don’t want to be ableist, its to your BENEFIT, to be told when you unintentionally put something ableist into something you said or did or wrote…..so that you can be aware, and thus make sure not to do the same thing again….since if you were already aware of its ableism, you would never have put it in or said it in the first place.

So I mean, I guess its just about…..trust in yourself when you truly believe you’re right, after re-checking your math or the equivalent….but just as important, don’t be afraid to be wrong, if your real priority isn’t being ‘right’ about not being what they think you are, but instead just being or BECOMING ‘better’ than they think you are.

2) As to your second question, just do it, Nike slogan or not. LOL. Sorry, but there is no real means of protecting your ideas because ideas can’t be copyrighted - that’s how someone like CC gets away with what she did. Similar advice to what I just said above…..just trust in your own ingenuity. Don’t focus so much on the importance of having singular ideas or stories that nobody else has anything like, because there’s nothing truly new under the sun….other than execution. Only the way YOU execute an idea and unfold it over the course of an entire story is ever going to be truly unique, because any single idea can be taken in any of a million different directions. And the more you allow your own creativity to be about more than just a single idea or premise you had, the more its going to become distinct as YOUR creativity, YOUR execution of your various ideas, no matter how many other people do stories of similar premises.

‘Real’ writers get ripped off all the time, and it sucks, but its never stopped any that I’ve ever met, because the thing about real writers is they don’t NEED to rip off anyone else’s ideas….because they’ve got more than just one. And anyone who can come up with an idea for a story in the first place, rather than just stealing someone else’s, can come up with a second one, and a third. I truly believe that. There’s no imagination that only has a one-story limit…..just people who lack so much imagination or faith in their own imagination they default to stealing others’ in the first place.

Trust in your own uniqueness as a person and have faith that will imbue your execution of any story idea with enough unique elements or flavor that it’ll still be distinctly yours even if someone else rips off the basic premise. Once you give yourself permission to just….not be afraid of someone ripping you off, because you know that EVEN IF that should happen, you’d be okay because you’d still have other ideas, more stories to write……I PROMISE you, the fear of someone lurking around and waiting to rip you off will vanish completely. It doesn’t mean that such a person won’t still be out there. It doesn’t mean that someone won’t still try and steal one of your ideas somewhere down the line. But it does mean that even if they do, it won’t matter….because unlike them, you’re more than just one single idea.

And if someone actually rips off your execution of an idea, ie plagiarizes your actual story? That’s a different matter, but there are recourses for that. I mean, the mere fact of being able to point to your story existing in some form before they ever brought out their ripped off version of yours means that at the very least, you can torpedo their credibility. The only way to truly LEGALLY be protected in case of actual plagiarism is to copyright something, and you can’t copyright a fanfic for instance, since you don’t own the intellectual property, and you can’t copyright your premise since as I said above, nobody can copyright an idea, so honestly, I really do say and believe you’re better off just….not worrying about it. If it happens, there are ways to address it then, but building it up as an inevitable or even a likely hypothetical usually just acts as a form of self-sabotage convincing us there’s one more reason not to put ourselves and our work out there.

And that is SO much more devastating to your career as a writer or even just a fanwriter, than someone potentially ripping off one story of yours…….because it means you never put ANY stories out there, just for the sake of protecting even just that hypothetical singular one.

[faraway-sands]

I remember so many things about you. Tiny details. Unimportant things. Useless stuff. But everytime I see those memories behind my eyelids, like movies flashing too fast for me to grasp them, my heart hurts and I shiver, because all those stupid little things were the very core of what I felt for you.

So many fucking things. The way you looked at me in the morning, in the cold, grey, rainy light of your small flat, like you were happy to see me waking up next to you. The fucking gap between your front teeth that you disliked so much but that made me go insane everytime you smiled and made me want to feel this smile against my lips. Your voice, cracky and husky in the morning, and your evil laugh when you were making me beg to fuck me more. The way you had to shrug and smile everytime I gave you a compliment, like you thanked me without really accepting it. The long talks that we had for hours, in the middle of the night, to calm us down after love, or because you woke up after one of your terrible nightmare, or I did. And who cared if we had to get up early in the morning. Talking to each other while cuddling in the dark was way more important than tiredness. Your kindness. I always called you nice, because you were so sweet to me, and you always said "I'm not a nice person, Kitty". I didn't understand why you would say such a thing about yourself, but you were right. You were not nice. You were kind. You were true. Sometimes even harsh, and you could hurt me so much with your words but usually, I deserved it - I was such a mess. I still am. All the times you took care of me when I was covered in blood or tears, when I was having those awful and violent flashbacks making me forget who or where I was. These few times when I made you ride the snake and we layed down on your flat's floor, looking at the ceiling and commenting all the crazy things we were seeing, then we made love and it was fucking insane, being so high I felt like I would never touch earth ever again.

Oh, yeah, that, too. Making love with you. I should not be so obsessed about this. It's just sex. It doesn't mean much. But I've never felt like this before, and never again after that. I was so yours. So fucking yours. You made me dizzy, and I remember the messy hair, broken voice, sore throat, sweaty skin covered in your marks, and my legs not working anymore. You made me feel so good and I couldn't help it but screaming how much I loved you and how much I wanted, needed more. Everytime you touched me was like the first time and I never, ever got enough of your skin. I was addicted and I think I still am. And sometimes, I tried to make you mine as well, and I grabbed your arms and bit the soft skin of your neck so deep until you were moaning in a harsh sigh and closed your eyes, somewhere in between pain and wanting more. And I went harder and harder on you until I made you scream, you, who were always so in control of everything. It was my moment, my glory, my power, to be able to hear your voice cracking with pleasure and love. Love for me. And the way you whispered my name, Kitty, you sighed, barely breathing as I, myself, was burning and having a nosebleed from all the violence of what was happening. And with every hips slam I said you're mine, you're MINE Alex, you're fucking mine, and I said, say it, say it, and you did, and I could finally release all the emotions, love, pain, jealousy, posessivity, the need of you, that I was bottling up. And then we lied down in bed, breathless, and I was almost crying and you were the one who had to comfort me, as always, holding me in your arms and telling me it was gonna be okay, that you loved me and always would, that we would be together forever. And I believed you. The one I didn't believe was me. I never trusted me.

And I left.

To this day, I still don't know why I did it. I mean, I do, but these were never good reasons. Fear and depression were not legitimate reasons to go. I didn't do what I wanted. I lied. I needed you to show me you wanted me to stay, but I got everything wrong. Because you already were, everyday. I was just sad and blind and unaware of so many things. God, fuck, Alex, I was so fucking young, I had no idea. But this is not what I want to talk about here and now. I just want to say that I am sorry. I never had a chance to say it directly to you. I wrote this piano track, you know? I think you heard it. I hope you liked it. It was the best I could do to say that I loved you still after I left. After I died. Always.

I remember so many things. Too many, maybe, and this is probably not the last text I'm going to write about you. I have so much to say, so much to let go. You're not here anymore. I'm not here anymore. But I still fucking love you. And I can't reach you. I don't think I can. Can I? Maybe? Would it even be good? Would you even be happy to see me today? Or do you hate me?

What have I become? I'm supposed to be brand new, but I'm still the same old Kitty me, crooked smile and stupid face, laughing too much to be honest and way too self destructive. And in love with you. That's a part of me. I can't get rid of it and trust me I fucking tried. Gods know I fucking tried. But you were too much to be forgotten.

Well. I don't even know what was the point of writing this shit. Just venting, maybe. Just saying it, somewhere, because I can't really talk about it. I mention your name everytime I have a chance to do it, so I can smile at the memories I have of you, but I never say it out loud. That I still love you. So yeah, guess that here it is.

I love you.

Bitch.

[hey-mrsunshine]

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Smut

Tag: Dom!Baekhyun, degrading, dirty talk

Word count: 1972

Note: There’s a mention of BaekYeon ohoo

Baekhyun sighs as he takes water from the fridge. He is sure that you know he is in the same room with you even though your back is facing Baekhyun, but you do not turn to him, do not call him. He is hurt to wake up because of the cold instead of your warmth, he is sad that you are giving him cold shoulder these days, but he knows he can not blame you.

How can he when a fans decided to brought up about his past relationship with Taeyeon? The fans too asked about the kissing photo that was taken by media while they were dating secretly. Well, the fans was not wrong either because he had not made his current relationship public and he never intended to do so - you thought the same too because it is more comfortable and thrilling to be dating in secret.

“Hey,” Baekhyun calls out your name. He sounds really weak, sad, and tired. But you do not budge and just keep making breakfast for both of you.

“Y/N,” Baekhyun calls out again. He sighs and walks to your behind, making you tense a bit. However, you are glad that he does not hug you from behind - he could melt you right away if he did that.

He instead, sits on the table as he watches you cook. “Don’t you miss me?” he asks.

You sigh. Of course you miss him, of course. 

“Are you still angry?”

Yes, Baekhyun, yes. You are still angry but not to him, but to yourself.

He knows you better, that you still think he is better off with Taeyeon rather than you. You claim that the girl is prettier than you, has more money, more fame, but Baekhyun thinks you are the best for him. Even though he does not regret his past relationship, but the past is the past. He has moved on, but you are not.

But here you are, venting your anger to your boyfriend who did nothing wrong.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Baekhyun sighs too. He looks down and fiddles with his fingers. He hates this treatment from you, hates it very much.

But you stay silent. The room is filled with the sound of you chopping the vegetables.

“I miss you, of course,” you sigh. You turn off the stove later and turn to Baekhyun.

When you see his expression, you immediately feel a clench on your heart. His eyes say everything - how sorry he is and how he hopes you will stop giving him silent treatment.

“Then come here,” he whispers and opens his arms slightly.

You walk to him and right away wraps your arms around his waist. You bury your face into his chest while he buries his nose on top of your head.

“Bad girl,” he whispers and pecks the crown, “Very bad girl,” he whispers again, with his voice drops an octave.

You tilt your head upward with eyes are closed. He lands pecks on your face, slowly, feeling every contour of your face with his lips. He likes the feeling when his nose is rubbed against your face, when your hot breath hits his skin.

Your breath hitches when he pecks your sensitive spot, right under your ear. You places your hands on his chest in reflect, calling his name in a soft whisper.

“How can you make oppa apologizes to you?” Baekhyun coos, rubbing your jaw with his fingers like he is rubbing a cat’s neck.

You purr, “But it is really oppa’s fault...right?” you ask, as you pout and flashes your puppy eyes to Baekhyun.

Baekhyun just smirks, “No, it’s not oppa’s fault.”

Baekhyun groans as he leans backward. He props his body with both of his arms, “Please me, Kitten, you said you missed me.”

You reply him with a smirk and lean forward to him. Your lips are ghosting on his jaw while your hand is inching to his manhood, taking it out from his pants. You tease the male by blowing hot air on his jaw, making him close his eyes as your hand takes his dick and pumps it.

“Kitten,” he whispers, tilting his head to capture your lips. You right away open your mouth for him to ravish you. “Oh, god,” he moans, which is muffled by the kisses.

You like his voice, when he talks to you, when he sings to you - but you like it when he uses his voice to moan for you. You decide to pump his dick faster and leans backward, not leaving your eyes on him. When his precum starts to wet your fingers, you know that you can not wait anymore longer to have a taste of him.

You lick your lips as you kneel in front of him. You take his head and suck it very hard, making Baekhyun throws his head backward and groans.

“Oh fuck,” he chuckles as you start to take more of his dick, “You really know how to use that mouth of yours.” 

He moans as you start to bob your head, “Urghh...let’s see if you can still be silent when I fuck you raw later,” he mutters as he snaps his hip, following your rhythm.

You just flash him a smile even though your mouth is already full with his dick. Your hands start to play with his balls, massaging them and that sends shudder to his body. You deepthroat him once and suck your cheeks, which drives the male crazy.

He groans and then chuckles again, “Such a bitch.” His hands reach for your head, tangling his fingers between your already messy hair. Having a grip on your head, he starts to pump in and out your mouth himself, fucking your mouth, hitting the back of your throat with his big dick.

“Eat that, eat my dick, take all of them,” he moans, keep fucking you relentlessly even though you feel like you want to gag and your eyes getting teary. Because even if you beg for him to stop, he knows it - you like it rough.

“Ahh, shit Y/N, your tiny mouth is so fucking small,” he hisses. He gasps when you reach for his balls again, squeezing them like squeezing orange juice.

“Fuck,” he moans louder, “Ahh..you must have done this to many guys before, right?” He clenches his jaws and fuck your mouth faster, making the corner of your lips start to sting.

“Such a whore,” he hisses as he takes out his cock, “Open your dirty mouth,” he orders. You gladly open your mouth, ready to accept his holy milk. 

He gives his hard cock several pumps before cumming on your face, spraying his cum on your face, especially your mouth, which trickles down to your chest. You swallow everything and even wipe the cum on your face with your fingers only to lick them.

“Smart,” he compliments you and rubs your cheek with his cock. You smile too and grab his cock, giving his head another hard suck.

The oversensitive feeling that Baekhyun gets must have makes the boy feels weak, making him wants to overpower you. He right away gets off from the dining table and right away raises you by your waist, putting you on the table roughly. He pushes down your short pants and tears both your tanktop and your panties, however his hurt ego makes him having a hard time taking off your bra.

“Like this oppa,” you smirks as you arch your back a bit so you can take off your bra. Once it is opened, you lift the bra in front of Baekhyun, making the male growl in anger.

“Do you like to be smarter than me?” Baekhyun hisses as he squeezes your breasts, as hard as how you squeeze his balls. You whine really hard, rubbing your legs together as wet starts to leak from your cunt. 

He grabs your jaw, forcing you to look at him, “You are a fool, a stupid bitch only for me.”

He leans down and licks your earlobe, making you moan. “Don’t moan!” he shouts as he lands a slap on your chest. You gasp and feels sting on your skin. You are sure that it will leave mark, but that slap really makes you wet yourself even more.

“Don’t moan,” he whispers as he follows the trail of his cum on your body, down to your navel, “Or I’ll slap you again.”

Oh, he does really know that his slap makes you crave him even more. 

But now you can not even moan, you can only whine or bite your lip real hard when his knee starts to rub your pussy. You look at him with begging eyes, wanting him to let you make noise. He knows that you are very noisy in bed and he likes it, but he wants you to know how much he was in pain when you ignored him. Not able to make noises when you are being pleased is such a suffering.

“Ah, I forgot,” Baekhyun suddenly stops rubbing your pussy and smirks, “I want to fuck you raw,” and with that, he raises both of your legs, pushing the knees until it rests on the sides of your head, touching the table, up until your pussy is up in the air.

“Oho~ Look at how glistening your pussy is,” Baekhyun laughs as he rubs your pussy with three fingers, right away setting his speed high. You writhe under him and whine while he watches you lustfully.

“Aahh f-fuck Baek,” you moans unconsciously at the pleasure. You do not even realize that you have made noises until he slaps your pussy hard.

“I said don’t make noise!” Baekhyun shouts. He lands another slap on your pussy and you shudder.

“This can’t do,” Baekhyun growls as he takes off his pants completely and climbs the table, “I’m fucking your hungry cunt now.”

He thrusts himself into you in a matter of second and right away thrusts in and out you with his inhumane pace. 

“Baek!” you scream when he suddenly fills your pussy, completely.

“Whore, shut the fuck up!” he hisses.

But you do not obey him. WIth each snap of his hip, you can not stop yourself from moaning now. Baekhyun no longer cares too, as long as you are wrapped around him, tightly and warmly.

“Oh fuck, you need to feel yourself,” Baekhyun mutters, chuckles “It’s still tight, even though I’ve fucked it many times.”

“Hngg B-baek~”

He bites his lower lip as he tries to thrust into you faster, “Your cunt takes my cock correctly.”

Your breath starts to hitch when he hits your sweet spot, sending you to somewhere higher than just a paradise.

“B-baek I’m coming!” you scream, feeling your stomach churns and your wall clenches around him tighter.

“Yes bitch, come for me, come,” Baekhyun moans, speeding his messy thrusts.

You scream as you explode after some of his brutal thrusts. He shoots his cum into your womb, not long after you. His warm seeds warmth you and you close your eyes, feeling his cum fills you.

Baekhyun takes out his limp dick and watches the mixed cum flows out from your pussy. He palms your pussy right away and rubs it slowly, sending jolt to your body at the oversensitivity. 

“Pretty,” Baekhyun smiles, which makes you snort. He moves his palm away and leans down, giving your pussy a long lick. Your hands flies to his hair, gripping tightly on them. 

“F-fuck B-baek,” you hiss.

“We are not finished yet,” he smirks as he pushes his tongue into your cunt, drinking all the mixed cum of his and yours inside your pussy.

“G-god!” you scream.

And you know it will be a very long day - just you and him.

[adrianvsart]

memorable and overall funny camp camp quotes

well…after 8 HOURS, i’ve finally rewatched the camp camp series for almost the 5th time. and boy, was it agonizing to say the least. nevertheless, it felt very rewarding after i finished gathering all the quotes together.

ill be updating this as new episodes are released but these are the ones out to the public so far (not including the new ones released on the rooster teeth website as i will wait until its posted on youtube).

it’s under the cut because, oh boy, is this LONG;

Episode 1, Escape From Camp Campbell

“Can you believe it, Max? We’re getting not one! not three! but two new campers today!” “Yup! it’s really truly horrifying.”

“I’m not here to make friends, David! I’m here because camp is where kids are sent when their parents don’t wanna deal with them. Why do you think we return the favor when they hit seventy?”

“Hang on a sec, what are you even doing out here?” “Well, it’s definitely not because the bus only comes from the city to drop off and pick up campers and so far seems to be my only reasonable method of escaping this fucking nightmare of a camp. Definitely not that.” “Heeey…language.”

“Suck a dic-” “All I want is for you kids to have as much fun as I did when I was a Campbell camper! Is that really too much to ask?” “I refuse to believe someone as happy as you can possibly exist.”

“No, silly! This is adventure camp! Ad-vent-ure! My mom said so! Unless she was lying…again. Sorry about that hand by the way, just exerting dominance, you know how it goes.”

“Max, you are not leaving my side for the rest of the day!” “We’ll see about that, CAMP. MAN.”

“Tell ‘em just how much you love it, Max!” “See, that’s the sad thing…he still actually thinks that I love it.”

“Gooood morning, Gwen!” “MOTHERFUCKER!”

“Nurf, you don’t crank shit! Get down from there Space Kid!”

“What about that astronaut kid?” “Astronauts, the wannabe jocks of the scientific community? Please.”

“Yeah, so far every attempt to answer our questions just raises more questions.” “Hey, good for you! You’re starting to catch on!”

“[Pulling out guitar] Well, I’m glad you asked, because I have a little song that I can sing–” “No.” “[Putting back guitar] When Gwen’s not around.”

“You are the bane of my existence.”

“This is bullshit!” “Woah, check out the balls on new kid.” “[Looking down at her crotch] Where?”

“Oh god, it’s coming back, the crippling anxiety and regret.”

“Why would you help us?” “I’m an agent of chaos.”

“Oh no. I hope YOU learned, David! I hope you learned that before today, you only had one little bastard to deal with. But now you’ve got three." 

Episode 2, Mascot

"Oh, he talked! Did you hear that?!” “Are you a gypsy?” “Uhhh…”

“[After just flinging the camp mascot to the next island with a huge rock instead of hitting David] Aw, man…That was supposed to kill you.”

“Well, Max, we were going to make hand-made ice cream, but someone killed our mascot and now we need a new one BECAUSE EVERY GOOD CAMP HAS A MASCOT, MAX!”

“Lady-sickness. My mom used to get that all the time.” “How do you cure it?” “EDGE CLOSER TO DEATH.”

“Calm down, it’ll be fine. Besides, anything’s better than hanging with DAVID." 

"Sorry everyone, just…really overwhelmed by all this friendship right now.”

“What’s WRONG?! I wanted to spend my summer in an air conditioned laboratory! Not walking around a future Wal-Mart parking lot!” “Aw, come on, Neil! Nature can be your friend if you just give it a chance!” “…There’s a raccoon trying to scavenge Nerris.”

“It’s resistent to charms!” “Nerris! Play dead!” “I’m out of mana!" 

"Uh…this looks like the place teenagers go to get stabbed.” “…Probably.”

“Hey, so, how’d you lose that hand anyway?” “[unintelligible mumble] JEWS [unintelligible mumble]” “…I feel like you should be more specific.”

“[Sigh] Well, I guess Nikki was right. Enjoy wearing my skin.”

“[After killing a squirrel] Mascot.” “DUDE! YOU FUCKING KILLED IT!” “…Oh.”

“[Aggressively killing animals] I AM THE KING NOW! THE THRONE IS MINE!" 

"Wh-Where’d it go?! Bring it back!” “Oh…I don’t know how. This is kinda why I’m here.”

“Where do we go now?!” “I don’t know! This was a really bad idea in hindsight!”

“I WANT A VIKING’S FUNERAL! LIGHT ME UP!”

“…Why do you always have to make things weird and complicated?” “Well, I mean, I think this is all pretty normal…”

“Does this mean we’ll be the Camp Campbell Platties?!” “No, I don’t think so.”

 "…What about the pussies?“ "Definitely not!” “Yeah, I like that!” “Pussies for life.”

“…So what’s with the Quartermaster and Jews?”

Episode 3, Scout’s Dishonor

“Ah…another wonderful day at Camp Campbell. All that’s left to do now is recharge with a full eight hours of lying in bed…awake! Waiting for tomorrow!”

“Alright, guys, our first attempt to bust out of this god-forsaken hellhole didn’t work.”

“So…what are you gonna do on the outside?” “Probably live with the animals. Try and get raised by wolves, maybe work my way up to alpha. Pee on stuff.”

“I think I’ll go to my dad’s house and tell him that mom sent me to an abusive summer camp. Pretend to like him more so she’ll try to buy back my love." "That’s really dark, Neil.”

“Where are we?” “Where happiness goes to DIE.”

“WHY DO YOU KEEP HITTING ME?! AND WHY IS IT ONLY CLOUDY OVER YOUR SIDE OF THE LAKE?!”

“God, your face is gross.” “…What…?” “Oh, sorry, that just slipped out…” “Dude…” “Sorry… I know… That was mean.” “It really was…”

“Oh, we don’t kidnap campers. That’d be immoral.” “THAT GUY LITERALLY STABBED ME IN THE BACK!”

“Neeancy, boys are supposed to be tough.” “And rugged.” “And if they pee in you, you get pregnant!”

“Y'all are some ignorant fucking cunts!”

“[Dreamily]…he can pee in me anytime.” “Tabii seriously, what the fuck?!”

“That was super gay.” “We JUST learned a lesson about stereotyping!”

“You know, maybe I don’t hate Camp Campbell, maybe I hate EVERYTHING." 

Episode 4, Camp Cool Kidz

"This sucks…This is the kind of peasant work my parents left their home country to avoid." 

"That’s fucking stupid, nicknames don’t make you cool.” “Pssh, spoken like a true first-part nicknamer.”

“No one’s TOO cool to talk to. Even cool kids take giant, uncomfortable shits from time to time. Helps remind you that we’re all equal.”

“Oh, maybe he’ll give us a raise! Or, tell me I’m like the son he never had!” “…Or explain why he’s wanted by the government.” “Or that. Yeah, there’s that." 

"WE GOT OURSELVES AN UPRISIN’!”

“Max! I am very disappointed in you for this behavior! But I’m also torn, because you were clearly paying attention during knot-tying class!”

“This is just like Le Mis! Ah, I love it!” “Don’t make this lame, Preston.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the hell up! Did you nerds forget who revolutionized this place?! I should be leading you! Not "x-treme sports barbie” over here!“

"Rage-against-the-machine-fight-the-power-9/11!” “Progressive buzzwords can’t save you now.”

“Like the minutemen of the Revolution, we will fight for our independence!” “Minuteman…mommy calls daddy that when they argue.”

“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this. It’s only been a few hours and we’ve already gone shirtless!”

“Aw, man! Sooo uncool.” “MURDER HIM!”

“What are you kids doing?!” “We’re gonna kill Space Kid!”

“You guys are here to rescue me?!” “No! Shut up David!” “Aw…”

“No fighting! Violence never solves anything!” “STAB HER, BITCH!”

“OH GOD! SOMEONE STOP-DROP-AND-ROLL ME!”

Episode 5, Journey to Spooky Island

“I was VERY innocent and impressionable back then!” “…So, last week?”

“What’s scary is how much I wanna kill myself right now.”

“So help me if this involves vampire romance.” “I-It could’ve been werewolves. You don’t know!”

“Here’s a horror story, go look at the job market you’re dealing with after this camp shuts down!”

“[After a squirrel jumps out of Space Kid’s spacesuit] Wait a minute! How is it that you aren’t even phased by that?!” “Might’ve helped if I hadn’t put it in his suit to begin with.”

“Wh-what do you think about that moaning and wailing?” “Pssh, it’s just teenagers from that church camp working on those repressions again. Not that I know anything about it, just being a kid and all.”

“So…No dead campers then?” “Nope! We’re good!” “Damn.”

“What’s with space case?” “Squirrel-splosion.”

“Ah…So the revolution has begun…”

“Pssh, ghosts don’t exist. You die, and then you’re faced with eternal nothingness. It’s gonna be great.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW?! YOU’VE NEVER DIED!”

“We’ll see who’s yawning when we’re all DEAD!” “Why would we…?”

“That seems redundant.” “Yeah, and I think endangered…”

“I AM NOT ABOUT THIS SHIT, NIKKI! SCIENCE HAS IT’S LIMITS!” “Don’t be so naive, this is mild experimentation at best.”

“You know what this is? Proof that the founder of Camp Campbell is a rich piece of shit with terrible morals and who also potentially kills people! …ALL THINGS I WAS ALREADY PRETTY SURE OF!”

“But the monsters! The wails! You can’t explain that!” “Actually…” “THE HELL I CAN’T!”

“Guess that goes to show that sometimes, the only thing scarier than monsters and ghosts…is real life. Specifically old people having sex. Weird, kinky sex. In a dungeon. Boy, that is…that is some dark shit.”

Episode 6, Reigny Day

“Under my rule, I WILL MAKE CAMP CAMPBELL GREAT AGAIN” “[Thinking] This is probably fine.”

“WHAT DID YOU DO WITH NEIL, NURF? SHOVE HIM IN A LOCKER? MAKE HIM PROM QUEEN, ONLY TO COVER HIM IN BLOOD?”

“You seem pretty confident about that. Where were you on the night of-” “Shut up, let’s go find him.”

“Yeah? What did you think I meant? I’m not some kind of secret police or something.”

“[Nervously] All right kiddos, why don’t we take this conversation somewhere else, like another room! Or another camp!”

“We shall make an example of him! Let the hunt begin!” “[Thinking] This is still fine.”

“[After Preston destroys the floorboards with a crowbar] This has escalated quickly.”

“[Thinking, after getting nervous about the judges] This is no longer fine.”

“[Thinking] I can’t believe I lost to Dolph, he isn’t even a counselor!” “[Thinking] Plus he really looks like Hitler.”

Episode 7, Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected

“Please, the theater demands your utmost respect-” “[Through megaphone] SHUT YOUR YAPS, IT’S TIME FOR THE PLAY!” “Ahem, thank you Gwen.” “[Through megaphone] DON’T MENTION IT!”

“Y'know, Juliet should’ve done karate instead of kissing boys. HIYAH! Maybe she wouldn’t have died then.”

“Has anyone seen my phone? I must have dropped it while doing my smile exercises.” “Don’t admit to that…”

“Guuys, you’re just adding to my anxiety! If you don’t return the phone, I’m going to have a panic attack, and that’s on you!”

“Yo, did someone say black magic?” “[Facepalming] Amateurs!”

“Thanks for your contribution, an inanimate object stuffed with hay could have acted better! [Turning to the platypus] Platypus, you’re doing great! Stole the scene! Keep it up!”

“Alright people, get your SHIT together!”

“You’re up next, break a leg, buddy.” “You’re right! If I’m injured, I can’t preform! Hit me! Hit me hard! It’s gotta look convincing!”

“Our love is forbidden just like Romeo and Juliet’s but we will be together even if it costs us our lives. UGH! It’s so romantic, I wanna die!” “He called us cunts last time he saw us.”

“I’m gonna make that kissing scene so hot, it’ll be rated TV Y 7.”

“It appears, my son, in her sorrow, she killed herself.” “Nooo! [Seinfeld music]”

“Ugh. Why is he so sweaty? Robots can’t sweat. THIS ISN’T CANON!”

“I don’t know who this BITCH is, but she is KILLING IT! AH!”

“I need to stop this!” “Why? This is awesome! Whoo! You go girl!”

“The theater! The cruelest mistress of all! My career! Like the mistakes of so many teenage girls, has been aborted.”

“Oh, nobody plays Bonquisha like that!” “[In distance] Kick his ass!”

“What about me? Where’s MY apology?” “I’m gonna be honest, I’m not sure who you are.”

“[Holding up a picture of Cameron Campbell] Have you seen this man?” “Oh, uh, I’ve been told to tell you no.”

“They don’t give Oscars for stage performances.” “That’s how good it was.”

Episode 8, Into Town

“What did I say? I said don’t do fire safety camp and political history camp in the same day unless you reeeeaaally want it to turn into riot control camp." 

"You’re still on fire, btw!” “Thank you.”

“Eyy, we’re talking here!” “The moon landings were a hoax filmed in Area 51 orchestrated by the government as a publicity stunt designed to humiliate the Russians in the space race!” “Noooooo! No! I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!”

“Ah! Sweet 22.2 degrees Celsius, here we come!” “You idiot! This isn’t about air conditioning!”

“Just what exactly do you think he’s into?” “Hookers and blow!” “[Simultaneously] WHAT?!”

“Neil, you go be Neil in the nerd shop. Just stay here and keep an eye on the wagon. Get ready to haul ass if you see David about to leave.”

“Eeny-meeny-miny-mo, what lame place did David go…in?”

“Don’t serve your kind here.” “Your kind? Your kind?! Care to be more specific, sir? I’m calling you out!” “Kids.” “Oh, well that’s totally understandable.”

“Him? Yeahh, he’s a bit on edge now, isn’t he? Kept saying something about how it was all some kid’s fault.” “I know what you’re thinking. You’re totally right.”

“So, he come here often? Is he a sad drunk? Happy drunk? Gay drunk?”

“He beat a women?! David, you unbelievable bastard, I didn’t know you had it in you!”

“[Coughing] Max? I think I’m dying.”

“[To Max] Don’t come back. [To Nikki] Come back when you’re 18.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t wanna drive him to murder! I just wanted to show him that his entire philosophical outlook on life is flawed and that the fundamental beliefs and ideologies he holds so dearly are trivial so that he’ll start crying himself to sleep like the rest of us! I’m not a monster!”

“You sick bastard! Your getaway from the camp is TO GO CAMPING?!”

“Just. Kill us!”

Episode 9, David Gets Hard

“FUCK YEAH, SCARE ME STRAIGHT!”

“Well, we’re gonna learn that little shit some manners, David! Because we are contractually obligated to!" 

"After all, there’s only one camper at Camp Campbell worse than him, and it’s me.”

“What do you want?” “Double desert, no activities for a week, and David’s social security number.” “Done.” “Gwen!” “SHUT UP, DAVID!” “Okay…”

“Today’s the day I get hard!” “Okay, maybe we don’t phrase it like that…” “Oh no! Rule 1: no backing down! Look out, world! I’m hard and I’m coming! Whether he likes it or not, Nurf is gonna let me in!”

“…So does he want to help Nurf or fuck him?" 

"You’re pathetic.” “And getting blood on my boot.”

“No, no! You’re being positive again! Gwen’s the fucking worst! She slacks off, reads garbage and has no idea what she’s doing with her life!” “[Angrily] What?”

 "There’s no time-travelling doctor coming to save you Gwen! Get your shit together!“ 

"Right! I know that’s probably hard to hear!” “No.” “And may have even been a little too far!” “Not at all” “But by golly, it seems to me you’ve never been very polite to anyone!” “[Muttering] God damn it.”

“Man, he is…way more fucked up than I thought.”

“[Sarcastically] Oops, didn’t see you there! [Normally] Just kidding, I was fully aware of the situation. I’m just acting out for attention. That being said, I do think I need corrective lenses, my mom just won’t take me." 

"Oh, so we’re doing the whole Freudian thing now? Everyone wants to fuck their own mom, get over it!”

“So, what are you gonna do now?” “STAB MY DAD!” “NO! What?! Why?!”

“What do you expect? I’m just a kid! Eat my farts, butt-nut!”

“Well, I guess it turns out at the end of the day…sometimes you just gotta hit kids.”

Episode 10, Mind Freakers

“Sure, Harrison, that’s it. It’s certainly not because I believe in the fundamental laws of everything in existence which goes against the slightest chance of magic even being possible.”

“Get rekt, Harrison. Why don’t you do a real magic trick if you’re so good.”

“Oh! You just got Abraca-OWNED, Max!”

“Yes, and it would’ve been even better if it had happened to Neil as I intended, but you get the idea. Magic!”

“I do NOT feel okay!”

“It’s not like I’m gonna loose sleep over it. [Later that night] Shit.”

“Yeah! I believe! Cut me in half! I’ll be fine! …I’ll be fine? I’ll be fine!”

“Okay, Neil. I got you, fam.” “I don’t know what that means, but thank you.”

“How does Harrison have the Gaul to do something so hurtful, ya know?” “Yeah, it’s kinda shitty. I feel-” “It’s like he doesn’t even care how this affects ME!” “You?!” “Yeah! How can he be so selfish?”

“I don’t know, Neil. There’s still so much I need to learn. I gotta reach level 4 and I haven’t even been sorted into a house yet.”

“Just proving that any idiot with half a brain can do that trick you pulled off yesterday.” “Wait, are…are you calling yourself an idiot, Neil?” “SHUT UP SPACE KID.”

“YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, HARRISON!”

“The only thing I’m killing is your hocus-pocus bullshit, Harrison!”

“And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the greatest trick of all. Getting a cynical, close-minded asshole to believe in magic!" 

Episode 11, Camporee

"Guess who’s got two thumbs, diplomatic immunity and is here to host the annual Lake Lilac CAMPOREE?! This guy!”

“David, what the hell! No one told us about this!” “We’ve literally been telling you about it everyday for weeks.” “Yeah, but we never listen to you guys! Put up flyers or something.”

“Darn it, Teddy, you KNOW I’ve got a crippling gambling addiction!”

“Yo, David! I think I speak for all of us when I say that I don’t wanna become some fascist military peon!” “[Raising his hand] He does not speak for all of us.”

“BOO! Give us actual advice!”

“[Nervously] We just, uh, you know gotta believe in ourselves!” “Nope, we’re boned.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ! Campers, we are winning that FUCKING trophy!”

“[Innocently] Kill.”

Episode 12, The Order of the Sparrow

“Gwen, why is David dressed like a turkey?” “Because he’s fucking David, Nikki, you’ve been here long enough to figure that out.”

“Wow, that is racist.” “Seriously, are you offended?”

“[Whining] Do we have to?” “No, but-” “WAIT! Nevermind! It’s mandatory!”

“Tell us now, turkey man!”

“I can be nice! I’m the nicest!”

“David! You know me! You know I love nature! You know if I could, I would have BABIES with nature!”

“Resistance is futile, turkey man!”

“David. Witness me. Witness my love for nature! [Tries kissing platypus but it bites him instead] Ow! You whore! Let me love you, god damn it!”

“I can’t believe I frenched a platypus for this!”

“Life sucks. And we live in a world of desensitized, apathetic assholes. Why don’t you just get with the program and stop giving a shit.”

“That’s why I’ll never stop trying, because somebody fucking has to.”

“Wake up, buttercup!” “Nikki! No more arrows!” “You can’t control me, white devil!”

“Alright, I fixed it. Everybody hurry up and…ah, shit, he’s awake.”

“Max? Did you-” “DO NOT look too deeply into this. You suck, this world sucks, and one day we’re all gonna die and none of it will matter but if we didn’t do this, I’m pretty sure you’d kill yourself or something.” “[Sniffling] Oh, Max…” “Or shoot up the camp. I dunno, it was a possibility.”

Season 2, Episode 1, Cult Camp

“[Bursting through the door] Goooood morning, David!” “Goood morning, Gwen! Wait, this feels backwards.” “Yep!”

“But today’s the day!” “[Gasp] You’ve realized your love of Camp Campbell and everything it stands for?” “[Happily] HELL NO!”

“Ha, are pulling my leg?” “No leg-pulling here, but we are keen on handshakes!”

“You know, I think now is the perfect time to use my vacation days.” “[Simultaneously] Aw, Gwen. Are you sure?”

“[Picking on Max after he raises his hand] Yes, Max.” “[Points at Daniel] Who the fuck is that?” “Why, what an excellent question!”

“You’ve got to be shitting me.” “Whoa, watch the language there little fella!”

“I don’t really know what you’re selling here, Daniel…but I am BUYING IT!”

“Oh my fuck, he’s ACTUALLY- [Banging on David’s door] A CULTIST! YOU HIRED A FUCKING CULTIST, YOU IDIOT!”

“Again with these cult jokes, Max? Please.” “He gave everyone a "de-toxification” diet then started spouting off Latin from a book with a pentagram!“ "He’s bilingual AND cares about nutrition?!”

“[Sweetly] Hey, David?” “Yes, Nikki?” “WAKE UP AND SMELL THE KOOL-AID!”

“I would just like to point out the fucked-up implications of specifically YOU [points at Dolph] putting specifically ME [points at himself (Neil)] into a gas chamber.”

“I love you, Daniel!” “[Gasp] But…That’s not right! Max doesn’t love anything!”

“Poor guy, must have been some bad fruit punch.” “[Sigh] You’re a moron.”

Season 2, Episode 2, Anti-Social Network

“Nurf, leave me alone, or so help me, I will post photoshops everywhere of you kissing guys!” “Woah! Hey, somebody’s a little tense. You might want to look into some agression therapy. Besides, maybe I already tried to explore my sexuality…you don’t know. [Sniff] Chris, why did you leave me?”

“Oh my fucking god! Is it always just adventures with you two?!”

“It’s a chat bot.” “What do you mean?” “I mean, it’s a programmed, repetitive, humorless, inhuman, simulation of a person.” “Yeah, Neil!”

“Okay, okay. So maybe a couple of you might have critical thinking skills. Good for you, but other than that it’s all going according to plan.” “And what plan is that?” “The "get everyone to leave me the hell alone” plan. I’m a genius!“

"What could possibly go wrong?” “Everything, but until it does, I’m gonna go plug David into this thing and see how it plays out. Have fun doing…whatever.”

“Damn, Neil, you did that with graphing calculators?”

“This doesn’t make any sense. Every calculator’s running an updated version of my chat bot, but they’re all acting different.” “Yeah, I’m about three seconds away from removing the batteries from David’s.”

“Well I guess it’s a good thing we got them all. Can you imagine if someone impressionable and naive enough to believe everything they heard from a chat bot had-” “[Simultaneously] Oh my god, Nikki!”

“I can only hear about "shipping” people’s “bae’s” for so long.“

"Calculations complete. My analysis is…absolutely fucking not! You humans all suck.”

Season 2, Episode 3, Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak

“Get rekt, Mr. Waffles.”

“Actually, we’ll take whatever we can get, preferably we wouldn’t be talking to either of you.”

“[After kicking the ground and supposedly making the Earth shake] Oh no, my anger has manifested!” “Get to a door frame!”

“How do you know so much about it, Gwen?” “Yeah, I thought you had a…liberal arts degree.” “[Sighs] Associates degree.” “Oh, that is so tragic.”

“You coming too, Max?” “Still got those dice?” “Yep!” “[Grabbing the dice and walking away] Nope.”

“You can be the dwarf, because they’re dumb and ugly, just like your face.” “Aww, yeah. That one hurt. But my mom says I’ll grow into my looks.”

“Oh god! It’s chirping menacingly at me!”

“Anyone else want a twenty-sided asskicking?”

“Big deal, so you threw a bunch of dice at some animals. Kind of a dick move, to be honest.”

“This is a level 1 cave at best. There aren’t even any fire-breathing dragons or even a dang ol’ goblin!" 

"Oh, well, I guess that will work.” “[After the volcano starts to shake] IT FUCKING BETTER!”

“[After seeing the lava] Woah! Okay, well, saw the volcano, think it’s time we head back!”

“You’ve angered the mountain, Harrison! Gosh, you suck!” “I do not suck! You’re the sucking one!” “[In background] You both suck!”

“Oh, this is gonna be goood! Neil, are you seeing this?” “[Angrily] I’m going to hit you, Nikki!”

[dancethroughthedarkness]

Triggering and personal material under the cut, you have been warned both before cut and in tags

Trying to keep everything inside just isn’t working, i need to vent it out and say it somewhere. 

Things have been going worse and worse and worse for me, it’s part of why i keep reblogging that post begging for help, begging for anything i can get. Frankly I expect most people to ignore this, or unfollow me for it, or to just shrug it off and act like it doesn’t exist.....why? Because it’s tumblr. Because that’s what happens here, if it doesn’t make someone feel like they are the important thing or if it’s not something someone can make themselves feel like they’re some huge big thing that can feel proud of themselves by reading and sending a buck or two or a few nice words and fix it all then no one cares.

It’s just what has happened again and again and what I’ve seen again and again so this won’t be any different but saying it helps a bit so here it is.

My family life is beyond abusive, my stepfather came over to “help repair” something that we’ve been begging to get fixed for 3 years now....something that causes serious health issues but heaven forbid he be bothered to do something since it’s charity work and he isn’t being paid to do it, heaven forbid he help his step-son out because it’s the right thing to do and doesn’t cost him money just time.....no, but now he finally did because an eviction notice was placed on my door and if it didn’t get fixed within 10 days i’d be out of the place and he’d have to find me a new one, at least that’s how he see’s it.....so he finally came over to help, that’s good news right? that’s a good thing right?.....wrong.

In one hour he called me worthless, useless, lazy, good for nothing, or nothing but a burden 23 times. That was the first hour alone.

Mind you I know I’m not the most useful person but I try....at least I think I do. I have porphyria - since it’s a rare disease Porphyria refers to a group of disorders that result from a buildup of natural chemicals that produce porphyrin in your body. Porphyrins are essential for the function of hemoglobin — a protein in your red blood cells that links to porphyrin, binds iron, and carries oxygen to your organs and tissue. High levels of porphyrins can cause significant problems.Porphyria mainly affects your nervous system, skin and other organs. The signs and symptoms of porphyria can vary, depending on the specific type and severity. Porphyria is usually inherited — one or both parents pass along an abnormal gene to their child. But in some types of porphyria, environmental factors may trigger the development of symptoms.

I also have have daibetes, severe diabetes, and an immense fear of heights.

Now with all of these things considered I try, I go outside and when he asked for my help with doing things to fix the pipes for the sewage I tried, but the day he came over it was 107 degrees outside with the sun beating right down on my head. After about twenty minutes I almost passed out......his response? Power through it, what are you lazy? Just push through it! I’m not here to do everything for your worthless ass.

This went on repeatedly for the entire day........and in the end he didn’t even really fix anything just bitched and moaned about how I should have done it all by myself....mind you he is a trained plumber and carpenter etc, he does this for a living, and I work with computers......and he needed several very expensive tools I don’t have just to get into the pipes......but I’m the lazy, worthless, idiotic one who should have done it all on my own.

And I’m also the burden who forced him to come out and fix my house when he could be getting paid to fix someone elses because I can’t be evicted or he and my mom have to find me someplace else which is more expensive.....

Now for my mom, whose response to me saying anything at all that isn’t yes ma’am, you’re right ma’am, I’m sorry ma’am is to say I’m ungrateful and whiny and just......nothing pretty much.....this is my family life, this is what I deal with, although not usually in large bursts thankfully, and it’s something I cannot break from because without their financial aid, i won’t call it support with that abuse, their financial aid, I wouldn’t even have a roof over my head.

I know, I’m ungrateful, I’m worthless, and I’m a piece of shit, they drive that home enough so please don’t say this as well because they pay for things and I still whine because I don’t get common decent respect okay?

It all...just came to a head, last night I tried to off myself, I won’t say how and I won’t go into details but I’m surprised I woke up this morning.....and I hurt, ache, and yes this is my fault, but....the sad thing is....I just wish I hadn’t woken up.

Maybe that way I could stop being a worthless waste of space that can’t ever do anything right.......sigh.........

[srcasticking]

The Ice Can Be Fatal

[silhouetteofadon]

A Raw Day

TL:DR version: Chris is having a raw and bad day and is just venting.  Probably being a little bitch. At the moment I'm having a raw day it seems.  I'm kind of feeling lost, swimming this sea of doubt, of frustration and anger.   I have my anchor points in life though; Mina, her girls and my desire to keep learning how to art.  The reality is though I just feel... tired.  The last few years have been... frustrating.  To kick off this tale of attempting to dump my woes into something several years ago I dated a gal named Stephanie.  When I started dating her I had just cleared my debts that my mother had wracked up in my name, I had found myself a stable and consistent living arrangement and over the last year I had lost 70lbs.  I was in a good place, starting forward. I at that point decided I wanted to date again, reached out and bumped my world into Steph.  We dated and due to her lease coming up, we agreed to move in together relatively early in our relationship. We were happy so we saw no problem with it. And co-living honestly was never a problem for us.  I suppose in the end, it was what she wanted from the relationship vs mine.  Steph is not a bad person, I'd like to state, but she is a self serving one when it comes down to it.   Enough that even after meeting her best friend in CT that the last time we saw her her friend looked Steph in the eye and told "Take care of this one."  Steph was confused of course but her friend reassured her the same thing as if there was a history somewhere.  In our relationship I wanted a companion to experience life with and Steph... Steph well wanted a bit of that 50's house wife sort of experience.   She shifted a lot of the financials towards me even though she made significantly more.  I had to cover the dinners, dates, she refused to pay extra for her friend Anna that was living with us unemployed and without state benefits.   In the end, it cost me a lot.  When things ended later one I was $7000 in the hole before realizing she wanted to just walk away within two months of being married because she wanted to have another man's children before mine.   To say the last the relationship left me with a bit of a fucked up head the last few years since. There is far more the story though, self discovery of how I function in relationships, what kind of people I need on the other side of the fence, lusts, lack of lust and just in general who I don't want in my life anymore.   To give an abbreviated ending to this, Steph and my current girlfriend more or less spouse swapped Mina's husband and I.  Mina and I are happy, working as hard as we can to make things work.  Originally, while displeased from the turn of events, Mina and I took a breath to play out the results of the exchange civilly. After all, kids were involved. Mina and Layfe young ones in their life and we wanted what was best for them.  We had drawn up a six month plan before anyone moved to give everyone financial security and a transition period.  One month in Steph of course couldn't handle that I was no longer treating her like a princess so she decided to jump ship early, giving me no time to curb down my debts I had gained from our relationship.  It didn't feel right to ask her for money back for dating her.  To top that off, a week before Mina was to come down with the girls, Layfe filed an injunction with the courts so that Zizah (the youngest and their biological child) couldn't leave the state. There was no money or time to fight anything so Zii had to be left with him.  Layfe also threw Mina a bit under the bus though he says looking back at things at the time, he didn't mean to and as he is genuinely a great guy, I believe he didn't mean for things to come off as harsh as they did.  He like Steph aren't bad people, simply self serving when it comes down to it.  His statements to the court heavily laid into Mina's use of cannibis (which she uses to tackle her pains, PTSD, Depression and anxiety.)   It helps her function well as a person and you can often see the times she is on and off of it. Sadly at the time it wasn't legal so it worked in detriment to her case.   Also Mina had been a stay at home mom for years so she also had minimal job experience to show reliability.     Moving on from that chapter though, Mina and her daughter Uri move down.  I throw myself into work for OT as we have no room mates lined up to pad out the missing money.   Our room mates we had planned were quite a ways off at the end of that six-seven month drop.   Mina got on state review, where they immediately saw her case, did her psychology and said she definitely should not be working right now.  The loss of her child in her life flared up her depression, trapping her in a cycle of grief that only seemed to restart every time she got to see her kid with no real closure for it.  It was hard and so painful to watch it happen to her.   But I did what I could. I worked later shifts for extra money, worked OT as it came up and we calculated our money the best we could.  We managed fine.  Our planned room mates kept pushing their plan out and out and out. The last two years have been this extended financial struggle and me sorting out my own developed anxiety and depression over the years.  But to be honest? Mostly the persistent feeling of being so damn tired.  Every time I manage to get ahead something would swing back in and wreck my lego tower.  Like some divine joke I just don't understand yet.  We finally did get a stable room mate however, Mina's friend Dan.  He was great, helped us get on our feet and was a good friend that we needed in our life.  But, his stay was temporary and he moved out to his own place. Of course, then game the false light.  Within the last few months Kaia (Mina's friend) and her girlfriend Lexi finally make it up here.  They drove from Florida, all the way up to Washington.  They arrived and honestly everything was great.  Lexi was the employed of the two and Kaia lived off SSI.  Money wise things were fine and everyone got along snazzy for about 30 days.   Then shit dropped again.  Within only a few days before rent being due, Kaia threw down the childish meltdown of a century.  The details are honestly embarrassing and are centered around turning a light off in a room where we were trying to put a 12 year old to sleep in.  In the end, within 24 hours of her freaking out, she burned the bridge and moved out, dragging Lexi along who clearly didn't agree with this course of action or reason but wanted to support her other half.  So they moved out, shorting us $1100 with no way to find it.   Thankfully my dad was able to save us, paying it out of his own pocket.  Something I of course need to pay back ahead of my other debts I've been unable to do anything about. Not wishing to be stuck again, we immediately set into finding a new room mate; we found Josh.  He came, looked at the room, decided it was good and agreed to $600 for it.  About $150 less than we desired but we can make that work.   After he agreed to the room, Josh went radio silent for about two weeks on us after we brought up discussion of a deposit. After working 141 hours in two weeks, I finally found some decent hours this week to reach out and talk to him again as he hadn't responded to the subject.  After a few days of calling, he says he still wants the room but doesn't want to do a deposit.  Honestly I was ok with putting that aside.  He also then wanted to pay $500 for the room instead of $600.  I took a night to think about it, discussed with some folks and in the end, definitely going to stick with $600.  Of course now I'm stuck doing the wait for his response. But I feel... made.  Aching.  I just stopped working my OT as a break.  I've been working 100-140 hour work pay checks the last four months of this year.  I'm so tired.   I'm so burned out.   I can't manage the brain or willpower to do routine practice sketches and Mina can't help our financial situation more than the state will allow her.  She is almost done with her GED program and she just got a job at the college in the day care but technically it is still somewhat volunteer work and the state has been vague on if it will increase her stipend.   But I think I'm off point for what I was getting to... I'm just... I'm tired of never feeling like I'm getting ahead or even on track.   This 141 hour check for example:  is pretty much gone.  Right out the door. Just... gone. If Josh isn't moving in and I don't find a quick replacement, bills and rent will eat everything.  I can't afford to take the girl's to the water park so this season pass just sits and rots besides the one visit we managed so far.  I can't buy Uri a bike yet like I told her  I would try to when she asked about it.  I can't help replace Mina's cannabis that the state won't provide (hilariously because she doesn't smoke enough to warrant a prescription.  I can't manage the energy after all the OT to actively take the girls out to play or do a board game or sometimes even the will to just sit on the couch and watch MLP with them.   I don't really get the time or chance to process any of this.   I just want to take care of them and be happy and I just don't understand why it is so hard sometimes.  I just want to take care of folks in my life and occasionally commission a drawing.  You know, some happy stuff.   If you read all of this I am sorry.  I don't know why I'm doing it but today I just... I just wanted to put something down. Something in writing or bitch and moan. I don't know what it is.

[anonymousinatx]

Moving? Not the Solution

Thursday, June 1, 2017

I hope you enjoyed my most recent post “Enough 8.” I will feature these posts every once in a while and cover a different topic. If you have any suggestions, of course I am open to it so send me an email.

When my single friends read it, they were all in agreement:

One more comment to the Enough 8 post that I didn’t add (mainly because I don’t have it said that often) will be the focus of this post. So, here’s an Enough 8 Extra!

#9 – “Maybe you should move.”

Yes, this is something that a person actually suggested to me. And yes, they were legit and trying to offer real advice. As I said in my previous post, sometimes we just need to vent. We're not looking for advice. We just want someone to say "girl I’m sorry, that sucks!"

So, how did this come about? After the mess and heart break from Joe, I was a little drunk and got on a computer. FYI - alcohol and a keyboard make an awesome partnership.

I felt a little sentimental and vulnerable, then wrote one of those typical sad sack posts where I complain about men and how I don’t think I will ever find someone. (Yeah, I know it’s pathetic. I’m sorry. But I don’t do them everyday).

That’s when my friends starting chiming in with the “Buck up, buddy” and “He’s out there!” and “God has a plan for you!” comments that inspired my first Enough 8 post. And that’s when an acquaintance (a girl I knew in college from one class we had together) suggested I move to a new city and would have better luck with a different dating pool.

I know she meant to be supportive and just trying to be helpful. Maybe a part of her was slightly joking, maybe not. But either way. “You should move to a new city?” The answer is….

I’m supposed to uproot my entire life, my friends, my family and job for the chance that I will have luck somewhere else? 

Let me be clear about something. I love my life. I freakin’ love it. I have a great group of girlfriends and I’m also lucky that I have many circles of friends. I have a group to turn to when I want to get political, when I want to complain about 45, want to venture outdoors, want to try a new restaurant, want to go to the movies or want to workout. I also have a great group of colleagues and I’m so lucky that I get to work everyday with my friends. People I admire, whose company I enjoy and would have been friends with even if I didn’t work with them.

Also, very important, I have a group of friends that are always ready to go out when I get in this kind of mood:

In addition, many of my friends are single like me. I recently started doing more activities with a group of these women. We agreed to get together regularly for various outings and do new things together. Things we have always wanted to try or thing we don’t get to do enough. It’s nice to have them in my life because we have that common factor. We understand each other’s struggle. We can bitch and moan and our married friends don’t have to hear about it.

In short, my life in Austin is amazing. I freakin’ love this city. I love my life. There’s just one part of it that’s lacking but I won’t forsake what is really good for something I have no control over.

I’m not going to move just to find a man. If I ever move, it’s because I want a new adventure or change of scene. Besides, I have friends allll over the US, all over the world and they are having the same dating challenges (shout out to my NYC readers!)

Being single does sometimes get lonely, but I’m never alone. I just gotta keep doing the things I love and I’ll be good :)