#Sorry for the wait I'm kinda goin through these all rn

[pestercide]

Spooky Month 6: Hollow Sorrows | Mort Vivifico

(Requested by Anon)

[milesmolasses]

Mango’s n Kisses (miles morales x black! reader)

l🇯🇲

cute n kinda short

love me some mangos

Miles stood in the Caribbean marketplace as he stared down at the ringing Facetime call.

"hey baby, um how do I know which one is the best one to buy... mhmm.. i-i'm just gonna turn my camera around and you can look at what they got."

the other day you texted Miles during your nail appointment about your craving for mangos, but they weren’t just any mangos, no no no. they were from a market that you used to live by with your mom when you were younger. this used to be your favorite place growing up because it had all your favorite snacks to eat like plantain chips, big foot chips, milo cubes, etc. however, the one thing you miss most about it was their delicious mangos. so sweet, with a hint of sourness, not too big to the point where they looked like they were pumped with chemicals, but big enough to satisfy your tastes.

you don't go back often because the market was in Queens, but you moved down to Brooklyn a while ago. but whenever you do go back, you make sure to grab some of their best-looking mangos to eat on the way home. however, you haven't been back to the market in a while; school was kicking your ass for a while and you didn't have much time to cross over to a whole new borough.

Miles had been dating you for a while now, so naturally you decided to introduce him to what you considered the best place on earth. when you got home with him, he was hooked on the mangos. he went through a good amount of them on his own, which shocked you because you could barely get through one full mango.

"Jesus Miles the mango not goin' nowhere relax-"

that was about two months ago, and since then you unfortunately, haven't gone back. so when Miles shot you a text asking if you wanted him to pick up some mangos from the market, you smiled a smile so big, the hair lady you went to that day had to ask if you were alright.

my stinka <3: i'm in Queens u want mangos?

Y/N: u fr asking me that???🤨🤨

my stinka <3:ntm on me 🙄

Y/N: sorry ily 🫶🏾

my stinka <3: imma head there rn

my stinka <3: wait how many should i get??

Y/N: idk look for a few good ones

Y/N: like 3? i'm getting my hair done rn imma text u later

half way through your hair process, you got a message from a confused miles asking which ones he should get. you were the one who usually chose what mangos to buy and so miles was there in the market, confused on what to buy.

Y/N: idfk i'm not there

my stinka <3: what color should they be???

Y/N: idfk?? if i was there i would tell u

my stinka <3: u don't even know the color?? bffr

Y/N: don't get at me blame urself! at ur big age u don't know what fruit is ripe and what isn't 💀

my stinka <3: smd

Y/N: LMFAOAOAOOO WE FR LIVIN IN A SASSY MAN APOCALYPSE AND YOU ARE LIVING PROOF💀💀💀

my stinka <3: i'm not sassy 😒

my stinka <3: imma call u hol up

you wait a few seconds for the Facetime call from miles to come in until you realized; only the back half of your hair was done. the rest was standing up on your head in a small bun, you thought you looked a hot mess. when the phone started ringing you answered and quickly turned off your camera before it could connect to miles.

his face popped up on the screen and you could see where he was with all the yummy snacks in the background. "hey bae," he said into his headphone mic.

"hey baby"

"where ya face at? turn on the camera"

"mmm, I'm good! show me the mango"

"umm no, you turn on your camera first"

"I'm getting my hair done Miles"

"and? I wanna see your face baby, please?" he whined a bit into the pleading, pouting out his chapped lips.

...yup, you folded. you couldn't deny him when he asked so sweetly. you turned on the camera but didn't show your whole face. the camera was tilted so he could only really see your forehead, but he was satisfied with what he got.

"you gonna show me when it's done?" he questioned.

"of course, now show me the fruit please," you smiled but of course, he couldn't see it.

when he showed you the fruit, he moved the camera around a bit to show you the whole selection. you told Miles to squeeze the mangos you chose and tell you how they felt.

"take the ones that feel soft, but not too soft those are too sweet," you told him as he felt around the few mangos that you told him to pick up.

"aight, thank you amor. call me when you're almost done with your hair so I can pick you up and see you."

"aww you wanna see me stinka butt?" you faced your camera towards your face so he could see the cute downward smile you had on your face.

"yeah, cutie. imma see you later mama," as you heard him call you a cutie, your heart literally fluttered.

"bye stinka.."

I am fully convinced that miles has chapped lips 💀

he’s definitely sassy too. I stand by that

got so much love for him it might be unhealthy

[eddieismypimp]

Please don't freak out

Oscar Diaz x black, plus size reader

(This was requested by jhsfineline on wattpad, hope this is what you had in mind and you enjoy babe<3)

Summary: you find out you're pregnant and think Oscar will freak out.

Warnings: cursing, a two second intrusive thought of abortion (I'm 5000% pro-choice but I am so sorry if you think differently)

Your POV:

"Shit, shit, shit…" You said looking down at the pink lines.

You started to panic. What the hell am I gonna do? How am I going to tell Oscar. You thought to yourself. You quickly wrapped the test in toilet paper and threw it in the trash. You patted your red, puffy eyes with some cold water and calmed yourself down. Just as you were about to walk out of the bathroom, someone knocked. You opened the door to see Cesar.

"Woah, hey y/n…" Cesar said looking a little startled. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine." You said smiling at him. "Bathroom's all yours."

You quickly walked into your and Oscar's shared room, not noticing the concerned look Cesar gave you before closing the door behind you and sitting down on the bed.

You put your head in your hands. What the hell am I gonna do. You didn't want to tell Oscar. Not yet at least, you didn't have the courage. So you decided to leave. You picked up your phone and texted your best friend Kiera.

Y/n: are you busy rn?

Kiera: no ma'am, why?

Y/n: wanna meet somewhere?

Kiera: you can just come over, it's just me here

Y/n: okay, I'll be on my way there here soon

You put your phone down and picked up your purse making sure your keys were in there. As you walked through the living room to get to the front door, it opened. Startling you with the suddenness and causing you to take a step back. Oscar and three of his friends walked in.

"Hey mi Vida" Oscar said grabbing you by your waist and pulling you close to him. "Where you goin in such a hurry?"

You panicked internally. "I'm just gonna go hang out with Kiera." You said as calmly as you could. You know you were probably overreacting but you couldn't help it. The anxiety really got the best of you. What if he couldn't handle the thought of you being pregnant. What if he wanted you to get an abortion? What if he told you to leave and you had to be a stereotypical single mother. Your thoughts ran wild.

"Okay mi Reina, just be careful and text me when you get there okay?" Oscar said kissing you.

"Okay my love, I will." You said faking a smile and walking out the door. You let out a long sigh of relief as you got in your car. Taking a second to regroup before starting it and driving to Kiera's. When you got there, Kiera immediately let you in.

"Hey!" She said in her normal hyper way, practically jumping in your arms to give you a hug.

"Hey." You said, a little less enthusiastic than you usually would. Which caused her to worry.

"What's wrong y/n?" She asked, voice full of concern. "You can tell my anything, she grabbed your hand sitting on the couch, pulling your hands causing you to sit on the couch as well. You sighed.

"I'm pregnant.."

Oscar's POV:

I wonder why she left in such a hurry and why hasn't she texted me yet? As I was sending y/n another text asking if she was okay, waiting for her to respond, Cesar walked up to me.

"Oscar, have you talked to y/n?" He asked me.

"I talked to her before she left about 20 minutes ago." I said to him. "Why?"

"She was acting strange earlier when she came out of the bathroom." He said. "I'm kinda worried about her.

I started to panic internally. I grabbed my keys from the coffee table. "I'm gonna go check on her." I said walking out the front door, but not before I told Cesar I loved him and I would be back soon. I got in my car and sent y/n another text.

Oscar: fuck this, I'm coming to check on you, be there soon mi Vida, love you

Your POV:

You wiped your eyes. You told Kiera everything and started crying profusely. She pulled you into a hug which was weird considering she wasn't usually the comforting type. She didn't know what to do in those type of situations.

"It'll be okay." She said rubbing your back. "Oscar loves you… he's gonna be happy I promise."

"You think so?" You asked genuinely.

"I know so…" She said. "You should tell him, I'll be here for you no matter what happens."

"Thank you Kiera." You said giving her another hug before standing up grabbing your things. You checked your phone really quickly seeing missed messages from Oscar. Oh shit, you forgot to text him when you got there.

Os<3: you get there safe mami? Os<3: y/n?

Os<3: you're starting to worry me now, where are you

Os<3: please tell me you're okay….

Os<3: fuck this, I'm coming to check on you, be there soon mi vida, love you

You quickly texted him back.

Y/n: osc I'm so sorry, I was caught up talking to Kiera and I forgot, I'm on my way home now.

When you opened the door you ran into Oscar. He immediately pulled you into a hug.

"I was so worried about you my love.." He said hugging you tighter.

"I know Oscar, I'm really sorry." You said hugging him back. "I got caught up talking to Kiera and I forgot.."

"It's okay, just don't ever scare me like that again." He said pulling away from the hug to look at you. " What's been going on mami?" He asked with genuine concern. "You can talk to me.. Please talk to me."

You sighed. "Oscar… I have something to tell you." You said looking over at Kiera for moral support. She nodded at you.

"What is it?" He asked walking towards me and grabbing both of my hands.

"Please don't freak out.." You said.

"You're starting to really scare me now y/n, what's wrong?" He asked with concern.

"Oscar… I'm pregnant." You said quietly, looking down, tears threatening to spill out. He let go of your hands, taking a step back. That's when the tears started spilling. He hated you, why did you tell him. Just then, you heard a sniffle. You looked up to see him wiping his eyes. "Oscar, honey… are you crying?" You asked in confusion, walking towards him slowly. He pulled you into a hug.

"My baby.. I'm so happy." He said. "We're gonna be parents… I've always wanted to be a father."

You gave him a tearful smile. "You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that." You said in relief kissing his cheek.

"I love you so much." He said kissing you.

You guys heard another sniffle. You looked over to see Kiera crying.

"That was so beautiful." Kiera said.

You laughed. 'I love you." You said pulling her into a hug.

"We should really get home." Oscar said pulling you into another hug. "I don't want you driving though, what if something happens?"

"I'll be okay Oscar, I promise." You said smiling at him.

"Okay, I believe you" He said, "But I'm driving behind you the whole time."

"Okay Oscar." You said. You couldn't be happier.

[ramzawrites]

Hey, so I'm having a really rough time rn (dealing with bs from my friend group, we have to take my really old dog to the vet today bc we found blood in her pee and we're scared that she won't make it this time, I'm struggling with my mental health, I'm just kinda goin thru it rn ig) so I would love a comfort fic with the sbi maybe with the reader as their sibling where the reader is the one that always comforts the fam, but hides their emotions until (1/2, very sorry about splitting it)

(2/2) something happens that makes the reader have a full on breakdown? I'll leave the rest to you, it can be a good or bad ending, headcanons or one shots, anything. You can ignore this request if you want/if it makes you uncomfortable. Please don't feel pressured/guilt tripped to write anything from this, your mental health comes first and I'm sure you're already really busy. Reminder to eat something today if you haven't yet and get a drink of water <3

We are family - Reader and SBI!Brothers

GN

Pairings: none

Characters included: Wilbur, Technoblade, Tommy, (mentioned) Niki, (mentioned) Schlatt

Warnings: n/a

Series: a request <3

Summary: Y/N came back from an errand and surprises their brothers with their weird behavior. Trying to put on their usual smile, trying to hide away their real emotions but their brothers know them better than they inititally suspected. They could immediately tell that something must have happened.

Words count: 2060

Authors Note: I’m so sorry this took so long! I hope you and your dog are doing better! 💙 I wish I could give you more than words of encouragement and that I managed to get faster to this request, I apologize Please make sure to take care of yourself, alright? Take time for yourself to deal with the stress and anxiety! Make sure to stay hydrated and remember to eat! Even if it’s just something small!

Once again I apologize for the long wait, I felt really bad already and then I kinda put it off because I felt bad.

adhd hit hard again and haven’t checked for typos yet, but will get on it as soon as I can o7

On another note if you want to read another comfort fic; I have a small series called “A Painful Reminder” which is more angsty but the 2nd part is more about the comfort, if that is something for you 

Living in the SMP was chaotic, turbulent and at times downright painful.

Most people tended to gravitate to one cause or other people to deal with this. Holding on to something so they don’t get pulled under. Get buried beneath the chaos and the violence.

So having people like Y/N around was like a godsend. They were one of the few people that seemed to be able to withstand the constant waves of misfortune and stand strong. Be the rock to hold onto when everything got too overwhelming.

Wilbur, Technoblade and Tommy loved their sibling for it.

After Wilbur and Tommy got exiled with Y/N out of L’Manberg, they were there and cheered both of their siblings up. Immediately making plans on how to set up a safe home and collecting ideas on how to get back. They were the one who managed to get a message out to Technoblade and asked him to visit them. Maybe help them.

Wilbur often jokingly said that Y/N was the glue that held the family together, to which they would always reply with the warmest of smiles “I’m glad.”

And what he said was true. Whenever the family fell on hard times and they began to drift apart it was Y/N who pulled all of them back. Pulling them back to reality and giving solutions for their problems if needed.

Sitting down with Wilbur when things got to much. Listening to his thoughts and worries, letting his emotion run freely without judgement. While they looked worried for him, their comforting smile never faltered. Offering him solutions to problems if he wanted it, otherwise they gave him the chance to just air his own thoughts out. To be angry with him. Sad with him.

Working with Tommy on his own projects. Listening to his ideas and giving him a different perspective that could improve some things but also respecting it when Tommy wanted to do this his way. And while he liked to brag and pretend that some things didn’t hit him that hard, they were still patiently listening to him as he spoke about his own pain in a more roundabout way. Telling him that he was not alone and making him feel heard.

Talking to Technoblade whenever the voices got too loud or out of hand again. He would just walk over to them and nudge them away, asking them to talk about something, no matter what. He just needed to hear their voice and be able to concentrate on it. Tune out the garbled voices in his head with a familiar sound that calmed him down no matter what. Leaning against them, slowly falling asleep as Y/N told all about how they were happily working on their own farm and what shenanigans they got up to.

Y/N really was like the warm sun on a cold day. Warming them up and protecting them.

Yes, Y/N was strong. So strong that even Technoblade considered them stronger than him. Maybe not physically but mentally and emotionally.

A clanging of metal rung through the cave. Techno was training with Wilbur while Tommy was just watching. Cheering on Techno.

It wasn’t an unusual situation and something Y/N expected to see as they made their way down the staircase. Wilbur in full iron armor and weapon while Techno just fought back with his own iron sword.

“Hey, Y/N! Welcome back!” Wilbur breathed out. Sweat running down the side of his face as he stopped attacking his brother.

The three men looked happily over to their sibling who slowly walked towards them but soon their expressions fell. Something was off about Y/N and it confused the three.

Their smile was as always plastered on their face but it looked strained. Their eyes wide open, trying to look sincere and loving but the glassy look of them gave off a different picture.

“Y/N? You okay?” Tommy asked as he stood up from the ground. Taking a step closer to them which made them in return stop in their tracks.

Y/N was hugging themself, shakily opening up their mouth to answer but nothing came out. It was then when Techno got very aware of how they were shaking in general.

This all seemed so wrong. This shouldn’t be possible. It just didn’t seem to register fully inside their minds.

Wilbur made sure to get rid off his sword and armor as fast as he could, walking over to his sibling, trying to get a better look at them but they just avoided his gaze.

Staring at the ground, slowly shaking their head “It’s- It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You aren’t. You really aren’t. What happened? Did they find you?” Techno asked, his voice full with worry. A bit of anger hidden as well.

Y/N had their own little farm in order to support Pogtopia. The potatoes from Techno were great but variety is important after all. Though they also had an abundance of wheat they usually tried to smuggle into Manberg for Niki. Trying to help her out as much as possible with her taxes and work.

This time Y/N nodded “They did… It’s fine though. I’m fine. I’m not hurt. It’s all good.”

Wilbur’s frown deepened “Usually when people have to be so adamant about being okay something isn’t alright.”

Tommy nodded, supporting his statement only to whisper to himself “Adamant? What does-“

But Wilbur continued “We are your family, talk to us.”

Y/N licked their chapped lips “I’m-“

The tears finally escaped their eyes and begun streaming down their face. Sobbing they fell down on the ground. Wilbur immediately followed suit, laying his arm around them and pulling them against his chest. His hand flew up to their head and begun going through their hair, trying to calm them down. Humming a soft tune from their childhood.

It was the first time in their lives they saw Y/N break down like that and it was quite frankly shocking.

Unsure what to do with himself Tommy squatted down “Um, uh, what- what happened?”

Techno was still gripping the iron sword in his hand. Pacing up and down. Manberg found them? What the hell did they do to make Y/N break down like that? His own sibling! Whatever it was he would make sure to pay it back a thousand times over.

“Tommy can you grab them some water?” Wilbur laid his chin on top of Y/N’s head, rubbing circles now on their back.

He didn’t even hesitate, jumping up to run towards one of the chests with food items that Y/N had always ready for them. Grabbing a water bottle and running back over. Happy that he could do something else besides staring.

Tommy then pushed the bottle towards Y/N who gratefully took it, putting some space between them and Wilbur as they drank some of the cold liquid which helped them to calm down.

“You ready to tell us what happened?” Techno stopped pacing around. His gaze purely trained on his crying sibling. Anger still rising in him just like the voices.

Screaming things like “Technosib! How dare they hurt them! Protect them! I love Y/N so much! Why would anyone hurt Y/N! They always help us! Let’s help them for a change! Technosib! Let’s go out and fight them! Yeah! Blood for the Blood God and Y/N!”

Y/N’s voice was still wavering and a bit scratchy from their sobbing as they begun speaking “Hey, hey! Techno don’t concentrate on the voices. Listen to me. It’s all good.”

This somehow made Techno angry. He threw the sword away and finally knelt down next to them as well so his face was on the same eye level as theirs “Stop. Please. Stop thinking about us for one second. Stop trying to not make us uncomfortable or worried! Tell us what happened! Please.”

He was basically begging at the last part. All his worry packed into it.

“Yeah, honestly you trying to make sure everything is okay for us makes us even more worried.” It surprised the others a bit that this came from Tommy but he was correct.

Tears fell down their face again “I- I was just delivering more wheat to Niki and someone must have followed me. They followed me back to my farm and- and- they burned my fields down. There were explosions. I- it was just my farm. I did not harm. Just, why does it always have to end like this. Why do all the good things always end like this. Why can’t this place let something be. There is always something.”

The farm was so important to Y/N. It was their little project they put so much sweat, love and work into. It was their home away from home. A place to retreat and enjoy some peace. This obviously was devastating. It was their one thing they had for themself. The one thing that wasn’t there for anyone else but them.

It was also clear that this seemed to be the straw that broke the camel’s back and it broke the three a bit that they only now seemed to notice this. That it took that long and their whole farm being destroyed for the realize this was heartbreaking.

“Who?” Techno urged but Y/N shook their head.

“I don’t know. Everything went so fast and I tried to save as much as I could but- but it’s all gone. It’s all gone.” Their voice jumped up an octave at the end, burying their face against Wilbur’s shoulder again. Silently sobbing.

It should have been impossible but Wilbur’s frown deepened and his expression turned more grim “Don’t worry. We will get back at them. We will get our revenge. They will see firsthand what they did to you, I promise.”

Shocked Y/N looked up, their red and puffy eyes wide open “Wil, that’s not what I- no revenge. There is already too much misery going around I just want this to stop. I just want all of us being able to live in peace.”

Wilbur should have known that Y/N was too good natured for that but he couldn’t help himself. He was just so angry. Angry at Schlatt and Manberg. That they went for him was one thing but to go out of their way to treat Y/N like this? Let’s just say he put it on the list in bold letters with reasonings on why he will get back at the Manberg faction.

“Listen Y/N.” Techno begun, his voice now calm again “Stop it. Just for once think about yourself. Stop thinking about others for once. You are also worthy of the same care you give us. Let us at least help rebuild your farm. You always help us with our projects, let us help you with yours.”

Tommy seemed to lit up at that “That sounds like a good idea! We could build towers around your new farm and make sure no one gets in! We could put down traps and all!”

He really wasn’t sure how to react but that was at least something he could do for them. As the past General’s right hand man, this should be something he can do. If he couldn’t protect his sibling how could he ever hope to get L’Manberg back.

Wilbur seemed to think about it for a bit but agreed “Yeah, how does that sound?” Though the dark glint in his eyes stayed. The cogs in head still running off with his own thoughts.

“You guys would? Since when can you guys build?” a dry laugh escaped them but it was a laugh nonetheless.

Both Tommy and Wilbur looked almost appalled at that claim while Techno just shrugged and nodded. Just looking around Pogtopia was more functioning than good looking after all. Y/N tried to pretty it up a bit but usually something always happened around here.

“Also Y/N, please talk to us more. Don’t bottle everything up. Please. We worry a lot about you and we love you. You always do so much for us, let us do the same.” Wilbur pushed Y/N a bit off of him and looked them deep into their eyes, hoping that this would really hammer in that this was a genuine plea.

As a respone Y/N wiped the tears off their face “I understand. I’ll try to remember that.”

“Don’t try just do it.”

[rurifangirl]

Aight new oc time babeiiii🤩

(hsjdj I'm sorry for some walls of text 😔)

Name: Lyva

Pronouns: She/her

Gender identity: Cis woman

Sexuality: Greysexual homoromantic

Age: 19

Height: 1.68 cm

Mbti type: Enfj

Spieces: Human

Likes: Picnics, white dresses, her lil hat, owls, earrings, interests in some kind of rock/gems stuff

Dislikes: Feathers, High places, sharp things (Ex. Spikes)[which Is ironic considerin she's besties w Rui n i just realized It😭😭], humidity, eyes

Personality: A responsable and kind of hot headed girl, she's one of the main people to guide the group that will soon form. Despite her appereance she's really good at taking care of herself and not giving up easly nor being told what to do. She's also kind at heart, but will still do whats necessary for her to live on.

Magical ability in general: Her powers were influenced by the kind of zone she lived, which was a little town; (I'll expand on that in the hcs/facts part) her ability grants her protection through the use of Lyva's earrings, bein the two stones on each ear. It can protect her for a maximum of 54 seconds all at once, but, after using the protection ability, she can change its usage onto the attack part, which instead gives her a small/medium weapon of her choice, though its duration is fairly lower, which being 45 seconds, before disappearing, and having to wait 2 minutes before a reusage. (The duration can also be split, in the sense that Lyva can use for example her attack ability for 20 seconds and then, as her will, being able to use It after a while, though still maintaining the 45 seconds rule, so in this case she'd only have 25 seconds left.)

Bitch i explained a lil too much into that but fuck it

(edit: soo basically, i kinda forgot to say how her powers were influenced? It's more of like hinted, but Imma say that it's cuz of merchands n shit so dw😭)

Hcs/lil facts bout her📙

She used to live in a sort of little town, near the woods, n it's safe to say that she didn't have financial problems, as her parents were succesfull merchants, so she could have afforded more stuff. Or It would've been. Thruth is that, even tho her parents did buy her stuff, they were never around her, nor really treated her w kindness. Her social status didn't help either, as It was belived that Lyva was just some spoiled brat, so despite her actually capable of holding convos/ approaching people, she didn't have any friends, and rather talked to inanimated objects.

I can see ya bein "how did she found rui???", so, remember how I mentioned the forest? Yup, the same shit. Basically one day she was done up w everything there n decided to just, walk off. She took some earrings that were left there (which are the ones she's using btw!;also she already knew they were like that, as she already used em in the past), n then said bye 💃hwkdjfh, she got lost, eventually. So like, she sat down n like , was thinkin of what she'd do rn, so the scene basically was this. (They then invited lyva over n then overtime they became besties btw)

She's actually pretty responsable, mainly because of being left alone, so she had learned how to take care of her.

Mom friend. Yes. I'm intendin her to actually bein the chillest in the group, cuz Rui's pretty excitable, but to hard lvls.

Likes to sketch if stressed n actually keeps a tidy sketchbook

Likes to tease Rui bout their gem obsession, n makin them going like: "Don't talk to me OR MY CHILDREN ever again >:(", but lovingly 🧡

Tbh Rui n her actually don't share the same house, it's near yeah but not the same. (Basically an excuse to make another house design but shush)

Lyva usually also likes goin out a bit, seein if she can find some stuff to decorate both herself n her home, such as like those lil plants, tho she doesn't exxagerate

Also Lyva's good @ fightin, wanna specify that cuz she's not really a bimbo, she's just neutral tbh.

Hwksj forgot to say that she doesn't like feathers tho cuz they're not her style n doesn't really vibe w em🤡

AIGHT I FINISHED, Y'ALL ARE FREE 😍

[rics-fandom]

as someone who lost a parent a few years ago around the same age as you and is kinda goin through it rn, I'm wondering if you have any advice abt dealing with it and stuff? sorry if this is weird, I just don't know anyone in a similar situation and am kinda lost, so would appreciate any kind of advice

please don't feel obligated to respond if it's triggering or too personal or anything btw, totally understand ❤

in any case, you're a huge inspiration for asian-american swimmers!!! congrats on the amazing race!

Not triggering at all! Got through it and went to therapy a few years ago so I could be comfortable talking about it today. I say enjoy every moment even though it’s kinda painful bc you never know which is ur last. I never really liked to visit my dad in the icu bc it freaked me out so I didn’t go that often and that was the last time he was “fully there” if that makes sense. And I ended up regretting it a ton.

And I had to hold on to hope that it would get better. Whether it be that ur parent gets better or they pass and they aren’t in pain anymore, I feel like the them being sick part is the worst and most traumatic. Also don’t be afraid to get a therapist! I waited 6 months after my dad died to go get therapy and that made it way worse.

Hope u get through it. Sending u all the love and strength u need❤️❤️

[tslasvegas]

Episode 4: “I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty.” - Keegan

Dan and JAKE! A WORD IN MY OFFICE PLEASE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.

Wow! Today was A Day to say the least. I feel like boo boo the fool with how things went down today, but hopefully, I can recover from that now that there’s a new tribe. I’m excited to get to know new people, but sad to see my old alliances have to come to an end. I guess we’ll see what happens

Finally a swap and golly 5 OG Palazzo! I really hope this works in our favor. Kinda nervous for Joey and Stephanie tho because now they are in the minority of their tribe. I do hope they’ll find a way to survive till merge

LMFAO IM... watching the tribal council for the other tribe and I'm SORRY??? Who the fuck is Jake S he is the most condescending man I've ever seen in my entire life YIKES. Anyways this swap is nice.. I think I've got a good group, I really hope we win the next few immunities because I 1) really dont want to see Rachael on this tribe and 2) i want to try and rebuild my um. tattered relationships. I did the best I could in the challenge for tonight, I'll try to come back tomorrow a little more renewed cus I'm kinda wiped out from today's events. Now that my tribal council cherry has been popped for this Org its time to go crazy woop

So good not to check Luxor anymore! 

Well last tribal went fine, I got to see what was in the Prize Vault which is awesome; now I have a better idea of the twist. Big problem though- Our swap put me in the minority. I was running Luxor and had a core 4, now they have 5 OG Pink so they can pluck us off, one at a time. I went from drivers seat to getting driven over. We need to win the challenge, so I'm gonna go ham in winterbells and hope to pull it out.

We swapped! I think I made a confessional already, but honestly I don't remember. I gave Livingston some of my chips so he can go visit the vault after the immunity challenge. We'll see what is in there and for how much, and maybe snatch up some real nice items to help us out. I've also got Andrew on my side, which is great and he's apparently quite tight with Pat, which is fantastic. Mo is a pretty decent dude and I've been talking with Jake a lot today. Things are going alright. I just hope we can win this challenge. 

Phew, while the swap was not ideal. I was really liking my tribe, we were kind of quiet but individually everyone was great and we also kicked butt at challenges! Anyway, the swap with numbers wise not great, but I know Xavi from a previous game and we have a solid relationship, I hope he and John and Joey and myself can build a solid squad to make it to the merge. The challenge was rough tbh, I am not great at video games, but I think I did ok... Jaiden got like 20 trillion points on a game so really I have no idea how I did. Hoping for the best!

I am losing my mind in my personal life so I am sorry that I have been mia. I appreciate the patience from the hosts and my tribe. It makes me still want to play even though I've been kinda invisible. I'm aware of that. I'll fix it. I promise. Otherwise, its been pretty good as a tribe so far. Andrew, Pat, and NIk and i are all really close from other games, so we're good and Andrew and Pat and I are together, which is just really unfair if you ask me. I can't wait to start scheming!

Uhhhhhh.................................... anyways........ yall hear somethin? Oh I hear something. It's the sound of Joey literally blowing himself up to me hardcore!!!! The narcissism and arrogance really jumped out on this one. So Joey had the idea of calling tonight to go over some stuff and honestly out of the 2 hours we spent, I think about 45-60 mins of it was rather nice and I do feel that I enjoy his presence, but omg... his desire for control is so noticeable and its kinda gross. Joey and I debriefed on what went down on Bellagio and I totally understand why there was the difference in us discussing tribe dynamics - I had to give up all my info while he kinda kept things more reserved. I want to assume this is because of the fact that I went to tribal and he hasn't until now. I won't judge him for that. However, after this he's kinda like dictating the fact that an OG Bellagio needs to go home. Ben is the easier person to throw under the bus since he didn't even bother to do the challenge/let us know what's up. Not a big fan of that, but aight. Then Joey starts suggesting we vote out Kailyn...?? Uh... not on my watch. I have to make it up to Kailyn at least a little bit so even though she's probably got a loaded gun pointed at my head rn, I want to defuse the situation rather than start throwing her out there as a potential target. Even if it isn't coming from me, I'm not here for that. The information that Joey did give up to me relates to the chips in the game. I've never paid much attention to the chips, but I guess it takes 10 to get into the vault and Joey's got between 11 and 15 (he changed his answer on the subject SEVERAL times). He says there are three idols worth 40 chips each, then a super idol worth I think 50 or 60 (can't remember). On top of that, there are nullifiers, vote advantages, and a legacy advantage, too. He seems fixated on the legacy advantage and really wants the chips to get it. Like.. ok do you but we NEED the super idol?? Does he not realize that thing has more power than anything else in the vault combined..? ANYWAYS. What really started to turn me off about Joey is that there was this sudden expectation that I'd be giving him all of my chips thus far. I don't care about them to begin with but knowing what I know now, it doesn't make sense for me to give him my stash just to fuel his hunt for... a measly legacy advantage... I put myself in a compromising position. I told him that once a host gets back to me on my exact total, I'd be willing to trade him my chips for I guess an allyship going forward. I mean that. I want to work with Joey at least through this vote, but I can't guarantee that it'll go much further than that. He is a very risky person for my game right now because if he's coming off this strong to everybody, it's only going to hurt me by association to stick with him longer than a vote or two. However, I'm going to try and divert the attention and just be like, maybe we need to use my five as a bartering piece for new allies at this point. I want to try and build meaningful partnerships right now, especially since that was the only reason I wanted to make it to the merge.. Rebuilding is crucial as well. Kailyn and possibly Nik/Rachael are not going to be fond of me once we all have "the talk" about last tribal. I put myself in an even more compromising position with them, but I'll find my way out of that mess. I think........ As far as this tribe goes, I think between Joey's WILD imagination/constant over-analyzing and the lack of direction this tribe has taken so far.. I'm doing okay. Nobody is really standing out besides Joey and I guess myself in a way, so if I keep him around it MIGHT even shrink my own target little by little - unless people find out we're together then FUK. 

......five seconds later

In terms of my other relationships right now, I love John Coffey but this is old news, I've been in love with this man since like 2016 and it's fine - totally fine - just fangirling a bit rn since I get to spend more time with him!! woohoo. Xavier and Stephanie are straight up non-entities which makes me SO scared of them especially since Stephanie's won an ORG before... how can someone be so irrelevant yet still win something? Hmm... Makes me think that she's secretly a ninja, you never even see her around. Nik has grown more and more quiet as the days go along and I wonder what's goin' on with that. Maybe they've decided since Biden won the election that moving to New Zealand is a bad idea? Lmfao. I dunno. Nik stresses me the hell out because I have no idea what they're thinking at any point in time even in the off-chance that we are talking. I think I might just have a personality they don't mesh with because I noticed on call forever ago that none of my jokes were particularly landing but Nik had a lot to say and a LOT to joke about there... rip. If it's a personality conflict - go off, I guess. I'll try on a couple different hats w this person to try and see if I can get things to go better than they have been. Kailyn.. like I said before, pretty sure she's after me but I am really trying to sell it to her that I like her a lot, because I do. I literally compare her to my best friend irl because they have very similar attributes and I consider Kailyn kinda messy but fun and quirky like my BFF so I hope that Kailyn did truly appreciate me making that comparison. Ben's inability to do this challenge is going to be his undoing. I think the only acceptable move is to vote him off this time because I HAVE to prove to Kailyn that I can stay the course, and I also need to whittle down Bellagio numbers to prevent people from targeting us and having everything go to shit that way. Let Joey control this, please dear god. Don't let me get blood on my hands. Let Rachael integrate herself well on this tribe. Let someone else blow themselves up in the process. Just not me plz and thanks. There is no fear in my soul tonight. Joey might be a fucking crackhead but so am I. I'm breaking down walls that I didn't think existed but Joey basically told me tonight that he thought I was confrontational, rude, chaotic, and all these other things but was impressed at how calm, optimistic, and outgoing I was. Love to hear it. He might think he overestimated me but he was right about the initial impressions... too bad he won't be around long enough to see that side of me :~) 

FIRSTLY, DeNara was robbed. Okay so I already wrote this a while ago in my host chat about how the fact jake and dan are praying for my downfall because after the swap i am the only og bellagio on a tribe with 5 palazzo and 2 luxor. so after I slowly blinked at my screen for a bit I was like okay how do we survive this if I go to tribal. Because I’m under the impression tribes are gonna stick together especially going into merge but since Luxor is already down so many members it’s kinda Bellagio Vs. Palazzo. but then I was like okay wait I’m the only member of bellagio on this tribe after coming from a tribal so I’m the only one who can say what happened and I can create what narrative I want to help me get through the next couple rounds. Because if I was like oh blah blah I was in majority im so fucked then of course they’re gonna target me to get me out. But if I play the victim card and milk the fact that I voted in the minority acting like I hate my og tribe maybe they’ll think to use me as a pawn. To take down others moving forward. Listen if I have to be labeled a goat to move forward then BAA bitch.

.....five seconds later

Things are going good, because not only am no longer in danger this round but that means Rachael is going to the enemy tribe which if she came to our tribe that might’ve disrupted the narrative I had going of me being against og bellagio. Also DeNara should still be here, don’t think I didn’t clock the fact that Ben scored a 0. I also found out from Andrew that Rachael and Ben are apart of the same Tengaged group which explains why Rachael was so set on Ben staying but like, listen, if I end up in a game with someone I’m friends with, and they’re not active and helping the tribe. Good riddance.

What the. We lost yet again. I have lost everything since the start of the game. It's crazy. There are 4 from Bellagio, 2 Palazzo and 2 Luxor. 2+2 seems like an obvious plan, but it looks like it is falling apart already (read: Joey). Sucks to be across the world, so instead of scheming, I'll be sleeping.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. is the same as I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty. 

The swap did happen. Expected it. Glad we won this first challenge in this new tribe tho in worried for Stephanie and Joey

Vault Shenanigans - Holy shit I did not expect this to be as powerful as it is. I was preparing myself for some sort of payment based search system, but being able to straight up buy the items I want, but its also the same for other people. I had a misconception at how generous the wheel was so I'm probably behind some people with the amount of chips, but I could very well start scooping up some of the steal votes and just say "see ya" to the idols, although getting a super idol would be very wild, it still seems risky to hold out that long to get it, even though there's a great amount of power associated with it. The other issue with a super idol is that I think that its very likely that if I get into a position where I need to use it, that I lose a lot of respect with the jury if it does happen. The only benefit from actually having it would be that I no longer have to worry about someone else whipping it out, so it'd be less for me wanting it, but more for others not having it. As of now, I think my optimal play is to hold on to my chips until around ~40, and then buy both vote steals at once, OR go all out for the super if someone has already bought an idol by that point, because I would be operating under the assumption that the frontrunner is already out of the running. Tribe Swap Shenanigans - This is a hell of a tribe swap. 5-2-1 is always a great spot to be in, I am already good within the 5 that I have so I don't have to worry about anything there, it should be relatively smooth sailing as far as getting to the merge. Mo/Jake are alright so far, neither particularly speak too much. Kevin has not reached out at all, probably will try to talk to him tonight for general purposes, even if he seems like he'd be an easy one to get out first should we go to tribal the next time. But generally I really don't plan on losing so it's kind of a wash. I'll take the smooth sailing, easy path to merge. Premerge is never as relevant as merge is when it comes to FTC as long as you have something to show for yourself at the merge. I've got all game to make my presence known, and I plan on using the entirety of the game to do so.

I feel super anxious today because even though I had a great conversation and built a good connection to Joey, there hasn't been any talk about the vote quite yet. I mean obviously names have rolled out but nothing solid is out there still, I think I just need to let go of the urgency for a name to start being spread early on and just let things be. Stephanie and I have been chatting a bit here and there today so I feel more comfortable with her and hopefully she sees things from a similar perspective as everyone else - the Bellagio foursome needs to get broken up right now. As long as it's not my name of course!!!!! Plz vote Ben @everyone. Or Kailyn tbh save me a little bit of trouble now. Talking to Xavier is SO HARD LMAO. He doesn't immediately contribute information into a conversation and as bad as I wanna get rid of Ben, I almost..almost think going for Xavier is the smarter move, since Xavier doesn't seem too motivated to actually get to know ME and work with me. I'm selfish that way. Kailyn doesn't seem like she wants to do Ben which is a little frustrating but I totally get it, if Ben stays he's going to go after her hardcore but like she needs to actually pitch me an alternative lmfao. I don't wanna go bending over backwards just to appease her right now so if she doesn't gimme a name.. sorry sis but then I think it's gonna be Joey's call on this one :/

I am being very cautious now. The 4 of us (me, John, Joey and Steph) are going to vote together. Now Jaiden wants to vote Nik. And Kailyn wants to vote Ben. Why can't we just agree on one?! And it always has to go down to the wire. Stick together, people!

I think I am possibly leading the charge against Nik rn?? Joey told me he wanted Ben and then I told him I wanted Nik and now he wants Nik LOL take that Stephen 

Okay well I have no idea what's going to happen tonight, but I'm going into tribal not afraid of the vote I am probably going to have to make ... I think the best move is to just vote for Nik and be done with it, but it's going to cause a serious rift in a lot of my relationships if I do so. I've been super wishy-washy to a lot of people I think and right now it doesn't make sense to continuously do one thing when I mean another.. especially since there seems to be zero ground to move upon when it comes to getting the vote to turn from Nik to Ben. Nik doesn't even SEEM ACTIVE?? Why are we making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. Ben can't just walk around deciding what's going on and I think Kailyn would prefer to keep Nik around rather than Ben but it's like... so push for Ben to be the target hun! She's feeding into someone else's move no matter what she does, it's either Ben's agenda or John's agenda. Pick a side, but pick the side I'm on, too. Why don't we just vote for Kailyn tbh. lmao