#Sorry I know people make being pre med their personality but what’s more pre med core than THAT

[idontmindifuforgetme]

A guy just used studying for the mcat together as an excuse to get my number . Women in stem fields core

[starlightkun]

27JSC ❧ teaser [sungchan]

❧ teaser word count: 768 | full fic: 21.3k ❧ warnings: once again everything i know about hockey is from the internet and only for this fic i’m sorry, blood/injury mention ❧ genre: fluff, sooo much fluff they’re sooo in love tbh, quite a bit of hurt/comfort sprinkled in, established relationship, college au, hockey captain sungchan, chronically ill reader (chronic migraines), christmas-y for a couple scenes in the middle, sequel to buzzer beater ❧ extra info: this is the sequel to buzzer beater, which you should definitely read before this one so you know what’s going on! the reader in this has chronic migraines, which i have. when the reader’s migraines, experiences as a chronically ill person, and thoughts about being chronically ill are described, that is me writing directly from my own life. i am not generalizing the lives of all people with chronic migraines/chronic illnesses, but i am sending all my love to any readers out there living with a chronic illness, and here’s a reminder to go take your meds! ❧ estimated release: saturday, december 16, 2023 2:00 p.m. eastern time

“My head hurts,” he announced, sounding downright pitiful.

“Really? Your head hurts?” You pouted at him, getting on your tiptoes to pull down your massive first aid kit from your cabinet.

“Uh-huh.”

“Aw, my poor Sungchannie,” you cooed, setting the huge first aid kit down on the coffee table and popping it open.

The apartment heating had kicked on, so you finally took off your heavy parka and overcoat as well, leaving you just in the base lounge clothes you’d been in before you’d hurried to get dressed with the urgent texts from Sicheng.

First, you tipped a couple of over-the-counter painkillers into his waiting hand, and he knocked them back with a sip from his water bottle.

Grabbing a couple alcohol swabs and boxes of bandages, you asked, “Okay, Hello Kitty, spaceships, or Pokémon?”

“Mm… What kind of Pokémon?”

“First gen. I think it’s mostly Gengars and Psyducks left in there.”

“A Gengar please,” he requested sweetly.

You fished a bandage out, pre-ripping the end of the packaging before setting it on the arm of the couch. Standing in between Sungchan’s legs as he was reclined back on your couch, you leaned over him, very gingerly brushing his hair back from his forehead so you could see the injury better. Thankfully, the bleeding had stopped between the rink and your place, all clotted blood and the start of scabs. Less thankfully for him, you were about to sanitize all of that. Gently turning his head so you could get better light, you tore open the first alcohol wipe and lightly touched it to the very edge of where you thought the wound started. Sungchan’s forehead wrinkled, but he didn’t make a sound. You continued at your task for another second before he finally spoke up.

“Y/N.”

“Sorry, I know it stings, but I’m almost done.” You promised. “I’d go faster but the lighting isn’t great in here, and some of it goes into your hair.”

“Don’t you think you’d be able to see better…” A pair of hands grabbed your hips, encouraging you closer, closer, down, down, until you were straddling Sungchan's lap, a knee on either side of him. “Like this?”

You were about to make a retort, except this tragically did get your own head out of the way enough to stop casting a shadow where you needed. So instead, you looked down at him with an eyebrow raised.

“How injured are you, really?” You questioned, pink-tinged alcohol wipe still in hand.

“So injured,” he fake-whined, settling his hands on your thighs.

“I’m sure.” But you made no move to leave, instead leaning in and getting back to work cleaning up the area.

Sungchan provided no more obvious distraction to you as you did so, seeming content to just smooth his thumbs over your clothed thighs and trace shapes there with his fingers. When you were finally able to see where the skin was split, you frowned, using your fingers to part his hair and inspect how far back it went.

“How long do I have, Doc?” He joked.

“You’ll live, but the bandages aren’t going to help the part that’s in your hair,” you forewarned. “That means be gentle when shampooing while its healing.”

“Sounds complicated. What if I mess it up? I think you should do it for me,” he suggested with a smirk, fingertips playing with the hem of your sweatshirt— well, really it was his sweatshirt, but he’d forfeited it to you some time ago.

“Is there something about getting injured that just turns you into a horndog?” You scoffed. For emphasis, you pinched the sliver of skin on his stomach that was exposed where his own t-shirt had ridden up above the hem of his pants and boxers.

He sat up then, forcing you to lean back to avoid smacking faces, but he just chased you forward until you were nearly nose-to-nose.

“No, there’s something about you being so worried and taking such good care of me that makes me want to show you how much I adore… you… back...” He punctuated the last three words with kisses that went up your neck to your jaw.

You looked up at the ceiling, as if pretending to consider this reason. But the happy smile that was working its way across your lips clearly gave away the fact that your mind was already made up. You snaked a hand between the two of you to push him back against the couch by the chest and hold him there. “Alright, but at least let me put this Gengar bandage on you first, hm?”

⤷ blog masterlist

[mamawasatesttube]

I just saw this hank green thing that explained a weird thing that can happen with migraines:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C-AnzrHxaoV/?igsh=MXdzNTJ0MXJtOGR2ZQ==

and first off I wanna say I'm sorry to every person with migraines holy shit. that shit really does just Fuck Up All Your Shit huh. my god

but then SECOND I wanna say, do you think Kon would get anything like this!!! like. omg first he's overextending himself using TTK because there's SHIT happening and people are in DANGER he's gotta be a HERO and then. the Aura. and Shit now he knows he's got about an hour MAX before shit gets REALLY fucked for him. I imagine him frantically trying to herd a crowd of people in the right direction without being able to talk properly and it's just all fucked

yeah migraines can really fuck you up! a few years ago i had a migraine and was trying to say "wow my mom made some really good cashew chicken curry, i would love to share this with all of my friends except for jo, because jo is very allergic to nuts." what i actually said, which is still memed on in our gc to this day, was "i'd give some to all my friends except jo because jo can't nut." the pre-migraine "brain function: get fucked!" phase (called "prodrome") has also seen me do such things as "pour orange juice into a bowl instead of milk for cereal" or "put my phone in the fridge and take the cream cheese to my room" and many other such things. it also makes me incredibly irritable and grouchy, which is a hallmark i usually use to go "oh shit i need to go take my meds Now" sdkhf

but all of that to say. yeah i do hc kon as a migraine girlie. (linda/mae too - its the telekinetics. theyre migraine girlies. i dont make the rules sorry wait i do actually.) LUCKILY for him, he can probably get it across more or less by gesturing and going "there! go!" or other Very Simple sentences (which sometimes lets me cheat when my brain Can't make words go, but not always), and if all else fails its just time to swallow his pride and yell for superman.

i really don't envy him the idea of having to fight a villain with a migraine though. definitely a nonzero chance of him just puking on them 😭😭

[littleoanh]

Eren Yeager x fem!Reader

Summary: Modern AU/College AU. fem!Reader is very good friends with Armin Arlert and “hates” Eren Yeager.

Word Count: 1,830 Warnings: Smut (exhibition [library], sucking on fingers, fingering, unprotected sex, ass slap, orgasm denial, making out, Eren calling reader ‘princess’, Eren being a tease, and creampie.)

Tag: @mekiza for A Book of Secrets Collab

A/n: This is my first time writing AOT (TT.TT), I hope you all enjoy this piece!

Like, reblogging, and kind comments are appreciated.

“Sorry, I’m late.” You quietly slip into one of the rented study rooms that Armin reserved at the library. “I needed to talk with my professor during her office hours.” You slid into a chair next to him while setting your backpack down on the nearby chair. Armin has been your official study partner since freshman year. 

“That’s alright, Eren and I managed to secure a room.” Your eyes flicker to the brunette next to Armin, his amused green eyes and smirk is enough to make you irritated.

“Of all people, Armin?” Your face deadpans. Armin’s expression is apologetic, he knows how you feel about Eren since he first introduced the both of you. 

You heard about his ego and narcissism, sleeping with different women every weekend. When Armin told you Eren was in pre-med, you scoffed. He’s nothing but just a pretty, spoiled fuckboy. He probably wouldn’t make it far and change to an easier major sooner than later.

Unfortunately for you, he was in most of your classes but always sits in the very back row. You’d always find him either sleeping, playing on his phone, or flirting with girls who throw themselves at him. You thought that he would fail the first semester of pre-med, but he managed to get on the Dean’s list. It still baffles you how in the world this happened. Armin chuckles and explains to you that Eren is actually intelligent but he just doesn’t look like it. This makes you hate him even more. He doesn’t need to try hard and still manages to be perfect. 

“He was the only other person who was available to help me secure a study room.” According to the rules of the university’s library, there must be at least two people in order to reserve a study room. This is to prevent other students hogging them up. 

“You’re welcome.” Eren arrogantly waves his large hand with a smug expression, making you roll your eyes. You take out your laptop from your bag and headphones. Focusing on your recorded lecture and taking some additional notes on your laptop, you received a ping in the top right corner of your screen. It’s a message from Eren.

Pausing your recorded lecture and removing your headphones, Armin instantly notices. “I’ll be right back.” Being as vague as possible, you leave the room without making eye contact with any of them.

You take the stairs to the highest level of the building and walk to the farthest corner of the library where rarely anyone uses. Patiently waiting, Eren shows up about 5 or 6 minutes later.

“Eren-” He aggressively pushes you against the bookshelves, hungrily kissing you. The kiss is electrifying and passionate, you wrap your arms around his neck to deepen it. His tongue swipes your bottom lip, allowing him access to messily make out and swallow your needy moans. 

How in the seventh hell did you and Eren end up in a secret relationship? After freshman year finals, Reiner threw a huge party. During a game of Dare or Drink After Dark Edition, you picked up a card to make out with the sexiest guy in the room or drink 3 times. The majority of votes was Eren which prompted you to choose the latter choice. After the game was over, you stepped outside to sober up a bit. Eren sought you out, wanting to know why you refused to kiss him. You brushed him off as he questioned you further. He teased you, asking if you were worried that kissing him might make you fall for him. 

Pissed off from what he said, Eren cornered you and trapped you in between his arms, challenging you. Murmured against your lips if you didn’t want this to push him away. Your brain froze, his cologne was intoxicating and up close Eren was way too handsome for his own good. Eren took this as consent, he leaned down to kiss you. There was instant electricity, sparks or fireworks whatever was running through your brain. He kissed you like you have never been kissed before. It felt so right. He asked you out on a date, you were reluctant at first but was convinced after several more kisses. 

Date after date, you realized how wrong you were about him. He was nothing like his reputation at the university. A spoiled stupid rich fuckboy. Afraid how it would make you look like a hypocrite for dating him after how much you spewed your hate for him. Eren suggested keeping the relationship a secret temporarily and slowly phasing out your ‘hatred’ for him. 

Now here you both are in your sophomore year.

Eren removes his lips from yours, placing three fingers on your lips. “Open up.” Without hesitation, you suck in his fingers and lapping it up like it was his cock. The feeling of your warm tongue and mouth wrapping around his fingers causes his dick to strain against his boxers. “Fuck, you like that princess?” He thrusts his fingers in and out of your drooling mouth, spit drips down your chin. Removing his digits from your lips, he uses his thumb to pull your panties to the side and shoves his three fingers into your sopping wet pussy.

“Mmmph!” Eren covers your mouth with his other hand, your glistening eyes staring into his passionate green eyes.  

“Careful, princess. Someone might hear you screaming my name.” The wet lewd sounds of your pussy and his fingers makes you even more aroused. Spreading your legs more to give him more room, “That’s it… spread your legs f’me.” Eren groans in your ear feeling your juices dripping down to his wrist. Using his palm to rub against your clit, your eyes are screwed shut from the added pleasure. Your gummy walls clenching, getting close to orgasm but it vanishes. You open your eyes, meeting his teasing smirk as he licks his fingers that were inside of you. Tasting you.

“Wh-why?” You whine at the loss of your orgasm, your clit is throbbing. The look of disappointment makes Eren snicker.

“Aren’t you forgetting-” He flips you around, your chest pressed up against the bookshelves, pressing his clothed hardened cock against your lower back, “this is your punishment, princess.” Taking a quick nip on your ear, you whimper as he bunches your sundress up. Eren unbuttons and unzips his jeans to pull out his well hung cock, spitting on the tip and rubbing it against your slit for lubrication. 

You are a whimpering mess, looking back at him with your tearful eyes, “Pl-please, I need you Ren.” Tapping his cock once more before slowly pushing the tip inside, feeling the tightness.

“Argh, fuck.” He moans sexily in your ear, making your pussy throb even more, “My princess is struggling to take me. Gonna make you fit.” Pushing his fat cock inside your soaking wet pussy, you relax your hole to help him push it inside. “Good girl. Relax f’me.” Once he bottoms out, he pulls his cock out then slams it back in. Grabbing your hips and jack hammering your wet hole. Eren’s thick girth splitting you open, you are clinging onto the bookshelves to hold your balance. 

“AH ERENN!” You accidentally scream before he could cover your mouth again with his hand. Feeling lost in pleasure, listening to loud skin slapping and wet squelching sounds, you let out nasty moans. Your eyes are rolling back as Eren’s cock hammers your sweet spot and his balls slam against your ass. 

Feeling your walls about to pulsate, Eren talks into your ear, “Don’t you dare cum.” He slaps your ass, watching it jiggle. Crying, whining, and drooling on his large hand, it’s getting more difficult for you to hold back. Your pussy grips his length, making him feral. Eren letting out breathy grunts in your ear, getting lost in his own pleasure. He lifts your leg up to slam you in a different angle to make you squirm. Letting out muffling noises inside his hand, you let out pleady moans to let you cum. The way your folds are fluttering, he knows you’re close. “Cum.” 

Pulling your face towards his, sloppily kissing you, he spills thick ropes of cum inside. Your eyes roll back again and release the knot in your stomach. Eren continues to thrust into your sopping wet pussy to keep your high. Once he feels your walls stop convulsing, he pulls his cock out, moving your panties back in place to keep his cum from spilling out.There are tears dripping down your face from the intensity. Eren sees your cute fucked out expression and kisses your forehead.

“You okay, princess?” Throwing him an intimidating look, which he finds adorable.

“I was so close to hating you again.” Feeling sticky from his cum dripping into your drenched panties. Eren snickers, towering over you.

“That’s funny, last night you said something else.” Your cheeks are red with memories of the night before. Eren came over to your apartment to surprise you with a candlelight dinner and he made love to you. “I remember being balls deep inside your tight little pussy, you looked so cute, crying out how much you love me.” His tone is teasing and giving you playful kisses on your forehead.

“Well I take that back! I hate you for real now.” You are about to leave until Eren grabs your wrist to pull you back into his broad chest.

“Too late to take that back. You’re mine.” Eren lovingly kisses you again, hoping to melt your little tantrum. “I love you, [Y/n].” The kisses grow more passionate and deep, Eren reluctantly releases you. “Go back down first, princess.” You nod, going back down with your wobbly legs to the reserved study room. Quietly opening the door, alerting Armin who is looking at you.

“Everything okay, [Y/n]?”

“Oh yeah, everything is fine.” You immediately take a seat, feeling the soreness and Eren’s cum dripping out. Armin watches you put your headphones back in and focus on your laptop again. A few minutes later, Eren comes back into the room while humming. He takes a seat next to Armin and pulls out his notes for class to review. Armin stares back and forth between you two and shrugs before going back into his studies. Feeling Eren’s eyes on you, you make quick eye contact. He gives you a playful wink while Armin’s head is down. You roll your eyes again. If you could only hate him…

2022 © littleoanh — do not repost or translate my work on this platform or any other platform. likes, reblogs, and kind comments are welcome. must be 18+ to interact.

Networks: @tokyo-ballroom & @tokyometronetwork

[hypmic-writings]

Hi ♡ I want to ask for some headcanons that you already wrote here, "When he's your high school sweetheart", this time with Manterou

━━ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ━━

Pairing: Jakurai Jinguji x reader; Hifumi Izanami x reader; Doppo Kannonzaka x reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None

A/N: So sorry I haven’t posted in a while, I haven’t had wifi in days and the move has been a bit rough. But this one was so cute, I love the high school sweethearts trope it’s adorable really! I’ve done these before for Gentaro, Rosho, and Juto right here! Hope you enjoy~

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Jakurai Jinguji

you met Jakurai in your first year of high school and immediately fell for him just like everyone else in your year

you admired him from afar, but you put more of a focus on your grades than you did with dating

because of this, you and Jakurai were almost always in the same, upper level classes which only gave you more time to swoon over him

when you end up working for a science project together, that’s when the two of you formally get introduced

to your surprise, Jakurai knows quite a bit about you and is intrigued by you (he says that you’re interesting to him)

you immediately take this as a compliment and are more than happy for any type of face-time you can get with him

even more surprising is that after the project, Jakurai continues to want to stay in touch with you

the two of you start to talk about schoolwork and spend time together studying for exams and homework

and eventually Jakurai admits to you that he has deeper feelings for you

it catches you off guard because you honestly didn’t think that someone as quiet and studious as Jakurai would ever want to be in a relationship

but after the two of you go on some dates, it’s clear that you’re perfect together and are meant to be

you pretty much become a ‘power couple’ in the school because of how good you both are in class and people are definitely jealous of you

it’s a quiet, romantic type of relationship where the two of you love and support each other almost seamlessly without being overly touchy or loving in terms of PDA

you always wait by Jakurai’s locker before lunch and he waits by yours after school when you walk home together

you’re always hanging out around each other and you constantly tease him about his inability to make other friends in his classes

when he says that he has Hitoya, you just look over at Hitoya (who’s always third wheeling on your dates) and laugh 

you get nervous when college applications come around because you know that Jakurai wants to do pre-med and you’re not sure if that’s what you want too

but he reassures you that he wants to continue dating you in college no matter what happens

and you actually end up going to the same college regardless of whether you do pre-med or something else

Hifumi Izanami

you were childhood friends with Hifumi and you were actually dating even before entering high school

he was very flamboyant even back then and you always found him to be quite charming

everyone in the school is either jealous of Hifumi or jealous of you

you’re definitely the cutesy couple that takes iconic insta pics and leaves everyone wanting a relationship just like yours

Hifumi is extremely gentlemanly and will go out of his way to make sure that you’re comfortable and have everything you could ever need or want

he definitely fills up your locker with cards and hearts on valentines day 

and he always has one arm draped around you so that everyone knows that you’re together

Hifumi has a million pet names for you but ‘kitten’ is definitely his favorite

and although he can be a bit of a flirt, he always reassures you that you’re the only one for him

after all of the events with Honobono take place and Hifumi is left with huge amounts of gynophobia, your relationship changes

if you’re a fem presenting person, Hifumi stays away from you at first which breaks your heart because of how close you were as his s/o

it’s painful but you make sure to stay close with Doppo and help Hifumi to get all of the help he needs

it’s a struggle to re-claim your relationship because it takes a lot of time and hard work to even get Hifumi to stand being in the same room as you alone

he’s not as bad with you as he is with some other feminine presenting people because he knows the relationship you have and he trusts you more than almost anyone else

but it’s still a rocky relationship which takes a lot of time and effort throughout your remaining high school years to heal 

you want to stay by his side though and Hifumi is grateful for your presence every day

if you are a masculine presenting person, Hifumi is going to turn to you just like he turned to Doppo - for support

it’s going to be a massive amount of support that’s required though, because Hifumi will constantly need you around him

you don’t mind doing it because you want him to heal and you want him to get help and go to counseling and you’re more than happy to help him through all of that

it can be difficult, but Hifumi is just as loving to you as ever so it’s nice to see that aspect of him remains

Doppo Kannonzaka

you meet Doppo your first year of high school in math class when the two of you sit next to each other

it’s actually Hifumi who is the first to strike up conversation and you quickly get added into the group of friends made up of him and Doppo

Doppo immediately falls for you, thinking you’re the most attractive person in your grade and wanting to spend more time with you

you think Doppo is cute too but you refuse to tell him so it becomes a mutual pining situation

Hifumi knows Doppo likes you because he’s a great matchmakes so he encourages Doppo to ask you out and when the latter finally does, to nobody’s surprise but the two of you, you say yes

thus the two of you begin dating and do so throughout your high school years

it’s a little awkward at first because you’re so used to only being good friends, but you both quickly pick up speed after a few dates

your relationship is shy and tentative because it’s the first time either of you have done something like this

but Doppo likes you too much not to try to pull moves so he’s constantly asking Hifumi what he should do

and of course Hifumi gives him horrible advice that he got from a magazine and when Doppo tries out corny pick up lines or cheesy moves on you it only leaves you laughing and kissing his nose at how cute he’s trying to be

you don’t mind at all though because the relationship becomes quite comfortable quite quickly

you become each others’ support and are always there when the other one gets overwhelmed either from home life or school work or anything else in between

you’re able to sense Doppo’s emotions quite well and whenever you think there’s a panic attack coming on, you’re quick to jump in and help him calm down

likewise, Doppo is always thanking you and making sure that he helps you with anything he can

there’s not a ton of PDA at first, but Doppo doesn’t mind holding your hand by your third year

he loves to wait by your locker for you though and you think it’s the cutest thing ever when you round the corner and see him flitting and looking around for you

don’t be fooled though, he can get quite jealous if anyone else tries to flirt with you so you have to reassure him that he’s the only one for you

everyone at school thinks you make an adorable couple, if a little dorky, but they can all tell your feelings are genuine and they’re jealous that you got to date your best friend

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

[literatikoo]

Lane Kim deserved better

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I would only write Lane Kim meta when I am very very angry because I need to be powered by spite and petty energy to unravel exactly how much of a disservice this show was to Lane and by extension any Asian kid with a similar life. And, well, it's happening now, so buckle up kids, this is going to be a loooong ride because I have a lot to say.

Before we start on the negative aspects, the show got a lot of things about Lane right, which is why I care so much about her character. Yes, ASP obviously didn't know how to write a POC experience and it's seen in the way some very harmful stereotypes were propagated (the tiger mom trope, Mrs Kim's religious beliefs, the depiction of the Kim extended family etc) but at the same time Lane was beautifully written as a character, unlike her plot which left much to be desired. Lane Kim was an Asian girl with rock n roll dreams who had an extremely fraught relationship with her mother and had to fight for even a semblance of independence. And I hate to say it but a lot of daughters of Asian households are forced to hide a part of themselves from their families, so Lane's story was authentic.

Not only was Lane amazing as an individual, she was also a great friend. She was the only one who was really in Rory's corner; she never judged her and supported all of Rory's relationships (my favourite example of this is when she barely tolerated Jess in S2/3 and then did a complete 180 like 5 episodes later, all because Rory decided to finally accept she liked him). Lane never pointed out what Rory was doing wrong not because she was afraid of doing so but because the two of them had been friends for years and Lane believed that Rory would figure it out one day. Lane shows this unconditional kindness not only to Rory but to everyone. She takes in her Korean cousin and teaches her to have fun even when she's afraid that Mrs Kim has replaced her, she lets Gil be in the band because she empathises with him, she takes care of the band and prevents it from breaking up multiple times. And these are only a few examples of Lane being the kindest character on GG.

One of the best things in Gilmore Girls is that the most unproblematic, amazing guy is given to Lane. Dave Rygalski is the best love interest on the show hands down (Sorry to my boy Jess but Dave was LEAGUES ahead of him at 17) and Lane definitely deserved someone like that. Their story was adorable and I would have loved for them to be endgame. However, what grates me is that when I see people talking about Lane "deserving better," it's usually about Dave vs Zach. When Lane actually deserved better as a WHOLE and not only in terms of love interests. I always thought it made more sense for her to end up alone at the end of the og series. Because Lane was a person who craved independence and she was not going to get that while tied to some guy (even if that guy is boyfriend extraordinaire, Dave Rygalski). It's even worse when we see that Lane is the only female character on the show to be treated this way. Rory rejects marriage for her career while Lane ends up with marriage as her storyline. Lorelai and Luke get back together but their relationship is still left open ended, though arguably it would've made more sense if they got married when Lane and Zach did. Paris gets into Harvard Medical school and gets a great relationship, similarly Sookie gets the family she wanted and continues to be amazing at her job. But Lane... god Lane is the only one without an open ending, without any space for speculation of where her life might lead her. Not only did they marry her off, they also gave her a terrible first time and twins, effectively locking her to Stars Hollow. The show even cut down all hope of her being a rock n roll mom as one of her S7 storylines is choosing the kids over going on tour with Zach. She doesn't get to be her own person for more than ONE season; she's stuck with being a daughter and then a wife and then a mother.

Something else that angers me about Lane's storyline is that we never really get to see how badly her relationship with her mom affects her. Don't get me wrong, I adore Mrs Kim's redemption arc and I think it was beautifully juxtaposed to Lorelai and Rory's crumbling relationship, but having a mother like that is hard. Not only did Lane have to hide 90% of her personality from Mrs Kim but she also lived with the fact that one day she might have to choose between her dreams and her mother. In the end, Mrs Kim makes that choice for her and deals with it by kicking Lane out in S4, and yet we never really see how that negatively affects Lane. Hell, Jess acts like a broody teen for two seasons, Rory wastes six months of her life away at the DAR and they both come out of it successfully. Lane gets kicked out, figures out her own living conditions, gets a job, works insanely hard for her band and... ends up having to give her dreams up completely.

Lane and Paris shared a lot of similarities too, even if they both had different friendships with Rory. They both came from terrible families and looked to Lorelai as a mother figure, they both cared deeply for Rory, and they were both incredibly passionate about their careers. Paris made calendars and flashcards and went crazy studying for both pre med and pre law. Lane was a walking, talking music encyclopaedia, she bought CDs obsessively and organised them by genre under her floorboards, she taught herself to play the drums and then found a band to play for. And yet... only Paris becomes successful in the end, whereas Lane takes over Kim's antiques. Lane was still a musician in AYITL and she can be rock n roll even with kids but this is all hypothetical and we never see it on the show.

There is a lot of terrible, lazy writing on the show and a lot of characters get ruined because of it but with Lane, her character stays the same, they just ruin everything else for her. I think she'll be an amazing mom and will probably make her best out of doing music casually. But the writers also took something so special and destroyed it just because Lane stopped being as important to the plot as she was in seasons 1-3. Lane and Rory drifting a little after Rory leaves for Yale makes perfect sense, that's just how relationships are, always changing. And yet as Lane's importance to Rory decreased so did her importance to the writers.

Lane wasn't the kind of character that needed character development or a redeeming character arc- she was never a bad person and nothing about her had to be fixed, unlike Jess or even Paris. All she really needed was for her dreams to come true because for the first 4 seasons her dreams were the biggest fixture of her personality. Like how Jess needed to overcome his trauma and Rory needed to figure out where she fit in and Paris needed to become a girlboss, Lane needed to realise her dreams because that's where her arc was leading her. But it just didn't happen. Instead, Lane becomes 2-dimensional; a large part of her screentime is taken up by Zach problems, her dreams fall flat and she becomes tied to Stars Hollow for the rest of her life. Not to mention we see less of Lane in favour of Logan and the dickhead posse.

This is not me hating on all the other characters I've mentioned in this meta, I'm just pointing out the lack of respect the writers have for Lane in comparison to all these other people who fulfilled the role they were made for. Why would you write Lane to have all these dreams and make her struggle so hard for 4 seasons just to smash them to pieces? And why is it that one of the only POC characters on this show is treated like this?

And you can't tell me the writers didn't know what they were doing, not when this is a direct quote from Lane in S7:

"It was such a small window -- a peephole, really. For years, I was this repressed kid, and then there was the briefest of windows. And then -- slam. All of a sudden, I'm this overburdened mother. I barely got to do it, Zach. I barely got the chance to be a person."

[icemankazansky]

Hey! first off thank you for the post on the casket wings. I'm working my way through your Storm series (late to the party I know).

I was wondering since you've shipped Icemav pre-TGM, how the new movie changed or confirmed your Icemav head canons.

I never really shipped them before TGM except as a passing thought of "they should have kissed" after TG86 but now I'm on the bullet train lol.

You're welcome.

Also, you're the second person this week to say "sorry I'm late" re: Storm, and I have two thoughts about that:

Stories are forever. There's no right time to read them for the first, second, or hundredth time. That's the beauty of them.

I was late to my own damn party. I think a lot of people new to the fandom since TGM do not realize this, but I took an eight year break between writing Storm 1 and 2 and writing Storm 3 and 4.

Oooookay, this is going to be a long one, buckle up.

When I first heard they were making a sequel to Top Gun, I was not excited. I kind of dreaded it, actually. I'm going to give you a little backstory, because it explains a lot of things.

I started my Val Kilmer fixation and my relationship with his work, including Top Gun, right about the same time I started grad school. I was further away from home than I had ever been before—no safety net. And I lost my health insurance because I stopped working to go to school. I have suffered from a little mental illness cocktail since about seventh grade, primarily depression-heavy bipolar II, and when I moved to Savannah, I had to go off all my meds. I did not have any sort of mental health care. So here I am unmedicated, untreated, completely on my own, and going through this rigorous program.

I needed something to hold onto. I needed a distraction; I needed a way to self-soothe.

I got Val Kilmer.

It became a hyperfixation, I guess. I watched dozens of his movies; I started creating fan content for those movies, first Thunderheart, primarily, a few smaller things for other films, and then Top Gun and Icemav specifically not long after. I deep dove this shit. I ended up writing my MFA thesis on Val Kilmer movies, okay? That's how important this became to me. I am not being hyperbolic when I say: He saved my life.

And even after I graduated and got back into treatment, these movies and these characters and these ships were incredibly important to me. I had a personal, emotional connection to them, and I was really afraid, when I heard they were making TGM, that the movie would damage Ice or Maverick or—and this was my specific fear more than anything—Icemav for me. And I needed them. Storm is basically my preferred canon post-Top Gun OG, and it supposes a lot of things that I was sure an action film by a major studio would never give me. I knew they were not going to end up happily married, okay? Like, I knew I wasn't going to get that. That didn't mean I didn't want it, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. I was just afraid that the movie would do more than that, and, like, definitively say in some way or another that their relationship was not important, or that it was absolutely not romantic, that they didn't love each other the way I knew they did, etc.

I saw Top Gun: Maverick on Top Gun Tuesday, a special showing on the Tuesday before the movie opened everywhere. As I've said, I was already very emotionally invested in what happened in this film, and you know, I have a mood disorder, and I'm also an empath and I cry pretty easily when I'm experiencing media, especially if it's a visual media like television or film. I know this about myself. I can't help it. I packed tissues in my purse on Top Gun Tuesday because I fully expected to cry a lot.

And I didn't. I loved the movie, and I thought what they had done with Icemav was the best that we were ever going to get from an action movie made by a major studio. It was evident that the relationship was integral to both characters, that it pretty much started in 1986 and never stopped, was a continuous presence throughout both their lives for 36 years. It showed deep affection between Ice and Maverick and incredible respect without losing the playfulness that their competitiveness would have mellowed into over that time. And it was open-ended, mostly. It's suggested that Ice got married, but it's never stated (Sarah could be his sister), and the nature of the relationship is never defined. I'm currently running on a Sarah is aroace and Ice is gay and in love with Maverick and Ice and Sarah have a platonic marriage and maybe even children, but it has not in any way stopped Ice and Maverick from having a romantic and sexual relationship for 30+ years model, and it's not exactly what I hoped for, but it's enough room for me to retcon it, to fit the pieces together so I can keep Icemav, because it's important to me and I need it.

I did eventually break down and cry about it about three days later. I was heartbroken over Ice, and it was really hard for me to watch Ice die of the same thing that had made Val so sick, and it was really hard for me that Ice dies—depending upon when you decide the movie takes place—before he's 60 years old, or just north of 60, and it was really hard for me to not get a happily ever after for Icemav.

I have been working on a fic that kind of explains how 1986 - 2022 worked for Icemav within the frame given to us by TGM, but I've been working on it since May 24th (incidentally the same day I saw the movie for the first time), so I don't know when it'll be complete. It's just shy of 25,000 words at the moment, and it's helping me work through some of the feelings that Icemav in TGM gave me, but for me, it's just going to be one version of what could have happened. I don't ... I don't see Storm as any less valid because of TGM, and I'm not going to stop loving that version of things and I'm not going to stop writing for it, and I'm not going to stop thinking of other endings for them, and other middles, because I love them and they deserve happily ever afters, and so do I.

I hope that answers your question. I know this was a lot, but it's been 12 years for me, and a lot has gone into my relationship with Icemav, so there's a lot to say.

[steveharrington]

sorry to be a freak and come here instead of actually commenting on ao3 but i love how tommy functions as this foil/parallel to jonathan in your fic???? like they both have a mentally ill mother and an instinctive distrust of men who attempt to enter her life (maybe reaching but i’m reading that tommy has a good reason for that distrust the same way that jonathan’s wariness stems hugely from his father).

and just like jonathan he’s parentified—going to meetings for her, making sure to keep her meds in order—but i feel like whereas jonathan has will to look after which leads to him turning the resentment he harbours for joyce inwards and having a very “buck-up and stay strong for will” attitude, tommy basically focuses all of his energy towards his mom (okay definitely reaching here i haven’t even seen them interact yet 😭😭) and is a cunt to everyone else ever—besides carol tee-hee—as his way of dealing with the anxiety of a child being forced into a caregiver role for their parent. like jonathan is fundamentally unable to be a kid (which is why i’ll somewhat defend him in s4 cause i think he deserved to get high and be stupid for once) while tommy is unable to be a kid in the area where he should most be able to which is why he acts like one in every other area. and hilariously his resentment is constantly flushed out because carol’s his gf LOL.

like i think jonathan thinking just for a second that it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if joyce’s anxiety drove away any asshole who might be initially attracted to her and then beating himself up for the cruelty of it because how could he think that? meanwhile carol says it for tommy and tommy pats himself on the back for finding a girl so blunt and brutal.

anyway you made me have SO many thoughts about tommy hagan even though my thoughts pre this fic were “man what a dick. he and carol are kind of goals though they genuinely love each other and stick up for each other”.

first of all do NOT apologize this is literally a dream 😭 i appreciate all comments so so much and honestly tumblr is a pretty good platform to get them because i can respond at length (and sometimes i hesitate to respond to comments on ao3 because i don’t want to put a notif in someone’s inbox and get their hopes up for a comment on one of their fics and really it’s just me responding which i know sounds insane but it’s just what i do) but anyways oh my god thank you so much

you’ve made so many good points that i didn’t even think about when i was writing it!!! my main basis for tommy’s background with his parents, specifically his mom, is that from the few crumbs we have of him in the show he is 1. very bitter and resentful of the people around him 2. very unsupervised (having sex in the 6th grade which….jesus) and 3. very unfazed by interpersonal family drama based on the way he was so quick to joke around about steve’s dad’s infidelity in front of nancy and barb. all that combined gave me the idea that his parents are probably divorced, which also gives him and steve this bond that partially helps explain why they’re even friends when we meet them in s1. like…as steve grows more cognizant of what’s right and wrong and starts angling himself to hang out with someone like nancy, a polar opposite from tommy and carol, i think it’s natural for the viewer to be like “okay why is he friends with them in the first place then??” and my explanation is that when you grow up with someone, you become very intertwined with their life and their struggles and that doesn’t all just go away once you get older and develop different personalities

ANYWAYS all of this is to say that writing tommy’s relationship with his mom this specific way was a choice partially based on the little tiny bits we have of him in canon and partially just me trying to flesh him out a bit more and explore why, like you said, he resents people so much and why he comes across so immature compared to steve even at the start of season one. i also like to think that tommy singling out jonathan when he’s putting his poster up is his attempt at consoling himself about his own situation at home by being like “well at least i’m not jonathan byers”

i will say…….jonathan is very important in this fic ;) so getting this ask was very thrilling because i already have plans to bring him into the story in a big way and seeing someone else sense his vibes before he’s even arrived is so so so cool :’) again thank you so much it’s ever fic writers dream to talk about their ideas at length like this!!!

[get-shiggy-with-it]

Ch. 1

Shigaraki Birthday Week! MINORS DNI DO NOT PUT THIS ON TIKTOK

Pairing: Tomura Shigaraki x fem!reader

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: reader is marked fem cause Tomura is a little sexist and hates you cause you’re a woman, no pronouns, incel!shiggy, collage au/no quirks, tomura is an asshole, gratuitous swearing, like so much, shiggy has a dirty mouth, mentions of shigs being anxious, let me know if I’ve missed something

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6

Summary: Tomura gets stuck taking an English class to graduate and is partnered with you, a bitchy try hard (his words not mine) for his final project. But over the course of the semester he finds that while he hates everyone, he might hate you just a little...less. 

AO3 mirror

The door at the back of the room creaked open and jarred Tomura from his half-sleep state. He didn’t look at who’d bothered to slip into this fucking class late, and instead tried to let the prof’s inane droning on Timothy Whoever The Fuck’s 18th weirdo letter book lull him into day dreaming. 

He only made it about a quarter of the way back into his boredom induced coma until he was dragged unwillingly into wakefulness once more. 

“Sorry, could you plug this in for me?” 

Tomura jumped again when you leaned over to whisper to him, computer charger in one hand, gesturing to the outlet on the wall by his head. You’d left the typical courtesy seat empty between the two of you and he stared blankly at the way you leaned your weight on the vacant chair. 

He recognized you.

The classic, dumbass teacher's pet who was always front and center of the room, iced drink at the ready looking like you belonged on the set of some god awful college b movie. 

Well, almost always. You certainly had that loud ass drink, but you’d tucked yourself at the end of his row towards the back of the room and was clearly a bit embarrassed for bursting in almost 15 minutes late. 

Tomura swallowed hard as your shirt gaped in the front. It took an immense amount of control to not gaze outright into the swell of your chest. 

“You good?” you asked softly, head cocked like you were straight out of a fucking manga panel—tits on display with that stupid innocent, puzzled expression.  

“Uh yeah, sorry,” Tomura mumbled. 

You offered him this gross, clearly fake smile—because why the hell would you be grinning like that if it wasn’t just because you wanted something from him—as he threaded the cord behind his chair and plugged it in. 

“Thanks,” you replied and turned back towards the professor, typing away cause you actually take notes in this class. 

Of fucking course you did. 

Probably trying to impress everyone with how you typed practically every word the prof said. Tomura decidedly did not take notes, and didn’t really pay that much attention in general. Usually he just played some trashy phone game under the desk or dozed with his head against the cement wall. 

It had gotten to that portion of the semester when it was warmer outside but the buildings still had the heat cranked all the way up, especially here in the basement where the classroom was. That environment along with his usual hoodie/joggers combo created grade A napping conditions that Tomura took full advantage of. 

As a rule, he actually cared about school and he did relatively well. But this was just some dumbass liberal arts requirement course that had nothing to do with his actual major, so he was perfectly fine with coasting. Why his comp sci degree required him to take a fucking Restoration era English class, he had no clue. Apparently neither did his advisor other than that the ‘administration recommended it’ so their students would have a ‘well rounded learning experience.’ 

It was almost certainly just a cash grab to make him take more credits than was necessary to graduate, but whatever. He was here now. And so were you. Your presence was overwhelmingly clear, typing away and smelling like one of those insanely specific laundry detergent label scents—fucking rolling meadows and grandmother’s clean linen or something like that. 

He’d never sat this close to you before, but that didn’t stop you from annoying the shit out of him for the previous whole half semester and going since it was just now passing midterms. Long enough for him to have pegged you as a textbook try-hard, pick-me bitch. You contributed to discussion at every opportunity, turned in shit early, and debated other classmates regularly enough to disrupt his in-course sleep schedule. 

The way you dressed pissed him off too, with a particular style that was enough to stand out but not so over the top that it would cause disinterest from any potential mates.

And now you were filling his corner of the room with the overpowering smell of freshly washed hair and demanding he do things for you. 

Fucking disgusting. 

“Tomura Shigaraki.”

He jumped a third time, attention directed from his lap to the front of the room where the prof stood, listing out names from the board. He heard your name next followed by Kai Chisaki. The list was projected on the board as well, grouping everyone into twos or threes with “Final Project Partners” listed in bold Helvetica font at the top. 

Only fucking English profs used Helvetica. 

He vaguely remembered mentions of a final presentation—one of like three grades in this class cause the prof was almost certainly a sadist. 

No, not almost—definitely. Otherwise he wouldn’t have stuck him with you and that weirdo Kai pre-med student who insisted on acting so elitist you’d think he already had his fucking M.D. 

One time he asked Tomura to move seats at the start of the semester because he looked “dirty” and Kai liked to sit in the back—which, fair enough, it wasn’t like Tomura showered as frequently as he probably should but what the fuck??  

With you rushing in late, chest out and panting every now and again from your apparent sprint across campus, Tomura was certain he’d be subjected to a whole 6 weeks of watching you try to mount that fucking Kai dude instead of actually working. 

This was going to be a nightmare. 

From the end of the table, he saw you shifting and turned to find that stupid fucking smile flashed his way once again. 

If you had a tail, he’d bet it would be wagging. 

“Hey, well that’s convenient,” you chuckled and plopped down directly next to him, sliding your noisy ass drink across the table with you and brushing against his thigh when you shifted your bag to the side. 

“Yeah,” he nodded.

It most certainly was not. 

But Tomura would never say that because—as his roommate put it so kindly—he was kinda a pussy. 

People made him nervous, they always had. That’s why he liked computers so much. Code made sense, there were clear rules and when something didn’t work out, he could fix it eventually, but you couldn’t see people’s codes. You had to fucking guess at shit and it made his anxiety skyrocket which the sides of his neck and finger tips suffered for. 

So he cowered like the fucking dog you probably thought he was instead and kept his eyes on the floor, letting you set up in silence. 

“Who was our third?” you asked, glancing around the room. “Sorry, I was busy making a shared drive and I came in  late so I missed that last bit.”

Why the hell did you feel the need to apologize all the goddamn time? Seriously, who would believe you were actually sorry for being irritating as hell. 

And god if he thought you were irritating. 

“Kai,” he grumbled simply as the man in question sauntered over to the table and fucking Clorox wiped down the seat before sitting.  

Tomura watched your smile falter just a bit and grinned inwardly at the slip in your fake little persona. But you didn’t say anything more, just moved your chair back so the three of you were in a semi-circle and pulled up a few pdfs on your laptop. 

“Cool, so I was looking over the directions on the syllabus last week and I set up a little work delegation thing so we can distribute everything pretty evenly,” you jumped right in, tone matter of fact in the down-to-business manner he was used to hearing from you during class discussions. 

It was better than you so clearly forcing yourself to be overly polite, and he honestly couldn’t really care less if you wanted to take charge of this thing. You seemed kinda bossy, but he begrudgingly admitted that your suck up behavior did mean you sort of knew what you were talking about. He was just here to pass and you might actually make that a lot easier. 

It was okay as long as he was taking advantage of you, he told himself. And you would be too stupid to notice, so he could play your game and play pretend nice all the way to an A. 

That walking condescension on the other hand— 

“I’m not doing that,” Kai huffed through his ever-present mask. 

Tomura wasn’t actually sure he’d ever seen the bastards face without it. 

“What?” you laughed awkwardly. “Yes you are, you don’t really have much of a choice.” 

You stared at your classmate who simply stared right back with his own, equally confused expression. 

“Why do you look so surprised?” you asked after a moment of silence. 

You weren’t smiling anymore and your voice had dropped down about a fucking octave. At least you sounded more like a person and not some wannabe uwu gamer bitch.

“People don’t talk to me like that,” Kai looked at you down his nose, legs spread wide and elbow resting on his knees. 

Tomura could feel the pretentiousness wafting from him in waves, and waited with bated breath for you to get kicked off your pedestal. Just a bit though, he did need you around to do most of his work for this thing. 

But in a shocking turn of events, you just laughed dryly twice and turned back to your laptop screen, mumbling as you did. 

“Really? Well they should.” 

Tomura would have laughed too, but he didn’t feel like inflating your ego. Kai on the other hand looked a bit like you’d just spit on shoes and furrowed those stupid, plucked thin eyebrows at the back of your head. 

“So Tomura, you code right?” you asked, turning away from Kai completely to address him. “I just remember you saying you were in comp sci when we did introductions.” 

He was taken aback by the knowledge that he existed as a person in your head outside of this room for a moment and simply nodded—suddenly feeling far too hot in his black on black sweats and hoodie. 

God just talking to you made his skin burn. 

“Great, cause we’re allowed to chose the medium we present in and I was thinking of taking it in a more creative direction cause I’ve had this prof before and he eats that shit up,” you begin to ramble again, scrolling through a bulleted list, shifting the screen for him to see. 

“Right,” he murmured, still surprised you’d thought this far and not...actively hating what you’d brainstormed. 

Well, it was a bit juvenile and you clearly didn’t know what you were talking about but the concept wasn’t horrendous. He could work with that and it shouldn’t be too hard. It kinda seemed like you’d overestimated a bit with how challenging it would actually be and saddled yourself with most of the heavy lifting. That or you were just a control freak which was a little more believable.

He wished you would stop looking at him over the edge of the screen. He could feel himself starting to sweat. Rivulets falling down the nape of his neck and racing across his bare chest under the sweatshirt. Tomura sorta regretted not wearing a shirt underneath but he knew that he wouldn’t have taken off the insulating layer even if that had been an option. 

It would just mean you had more drying, pale as fuck skin to look at and judge him for because he knew that’s what you were doing. Fucking vapid and shallow like everyone else. 

“It’s really rough so far, but I have it the gist outlined,” you indicated to another tab and then turned back to Kai who had been sitting silently glaring daggers into your back. “So, Kai, since you’re in STEM I figured you’d be okay with doing more of the preliminary research—”

“I don’t think so,” Kai interrupted, shaking his head and pushing off his knees to lean back in the cheap, plastic seat. “Look, it’ll be easier for all of us if you two just make it look pretty and I can handle the oral presentation.” 

You gaped and looked to Tomura with this pathetic fucking incredulous stare, like you thought he’d back you up. 

Which actually, now that he thought about it was probably a good idea—he did need you to remain somewhat cordial with him—but he certainly didn’t care enough to defend you in any way. Kai was a dick, sure, but he wasn’t gonna let you rope him into being your white knight or whatever. 

He settled for a similarly disgruntled downward twitch of his lips. The movement pulled at the cracking skin which stung as it tore open even more. Tomura felt the familiar crawling feeling on his neck and shifted in his seat to resist the urge to scratch. 

He couldn’t pinpoint why exactly you staring at him was so uncomfortable. He didn’t like you, he didn’t care about you and by extension didn’t give two shits what you thought of him, but anything he might have said shriveled on his tongue when you spoke or looked in his eyes too long. 

Tomura had never made a habit of talking to females and they certainly had never wanted anything to do with him either. 

Maybe he was fucking allergic or something. 

Whatever the case, you seemed to take his half frown as a sign of solidarity and leaned back in your own seat. 

“Okay, look,” you retorted. “If you’re seriously not gonna at least try to cooperate, then there is actually an option to do the project by yourself and I suggest you take it.” 

The look on your face was distinctly impolite. There was a sharpness to the set of your jaw that Tomura had never seen before, but it looked practiced enough that he could bet it was simply the snake that resided in every woman just waiting to come out. 

“Look sweetheart—” that masked jerk began, also for some fucking reason looking to Tomura for support. 

For someone who was very much used to blending into the background scenery, this was the most eye contact Tomura had ever made in a day. 

Except on the rare occasions his roommate had friends over and he had to make the dreaded trek from his room to reach the fridge. 

“Oh yeah I’m not doing that,” you closed your laptop sharply and rolled your eyes. “I get it, but I’m really just trying to graduate. I don’t think this is going to work out and you,” Tomura froze as you shifted your gaze to him once again, “seem okay, so Tomura and I can just work this out by ourselves and you can find a different group.” 

Kai scoffed behind the black layer of fabric covering his mouth and slung his backpack over his shoulder. “Whatever.” 

Tomura watched him saunter straight out the door as the room was filled with the shuffling of notebooks and zipping of backpacks. 

“God,” you huffed and turned back to him. 

His raw skin burned under the new wave of heat and accompanying moisture that slicked his skin when you scooted closer to him. That clean laundry and shampoo smell was suffocating from this proximity. 

Did you fucking bathe in the stuff? 

He was becoming increasingly aware of his less than pleasant aroma and the fact that you not scrunching your nose up in disgust just out of some stupid, ingrained need to appease him. 

“Well, that was...weird,” you chuckled in a way that was probably meant to break the tension. 

Unfortunately Tomura felt more like he was about to break out in hives if you came any closer so it really just ended up making the atmosphere ten times more awkward. At least for him. You, somehow, remained resolutely unaware. 

“Mhm,” he hummed in response and picked silently at the skin of his fingers. 

“Anyway, I have a meeting in a few but we can trade numbers and pick a time to meet up sometime tomorrow maybe?” you suggested, quickly saving the steadily degrading vibes of the conversation and pulled out your phone. 

He really hated the full body pulsation that rushed through him at the thought of getting a girls number. It made him fucking sick at himself for falling into your stupid trap to get him interested. Was your plan to just use him to get a good grade or whatever and then block his texts?

It wasn’t like Tomura didn’t know about his status as the class ‘freak.’ That one guy everyone whispers about and makes sure not to sit next to. And he knows you know, so why the hell else would you act so nice?

He wanted to say something scathing in return. That he could do the whole thing by himself too—which he definitely couldn’t but that was irrelevant—and that he didn’t need you bossing him around either. 

“Sure thing,” he said instead and took your offered phone all too eagerly, typing in his number and watching as you shot off a text back so he’d have yours. 

His phone buzzed against his thigh and he jumped a fourth time, but you seemed not to notice as you packed your bag and grabbed your basic ass drink. The ice clattered against the tumbler, dropping cool condensation against the searing skin of his hand. 

Tomura shivered as you waved over your shoulder and slipped out the door with another rush of students. 

He sat silently in the empty room for a moment, trying to process the last hour. He pinched himself idly, wondering if it had all been just a weird dream, but the results were inconclusive. A minute or two passed before he pulled out his phone to scroll through the list of reddit and discord notifs to find your text. 

Unknown Number:

— pEopLe DoN’t TaLK tO mE liKE ThAt 

— not very plus ultra of him...smh

— anyway, library at 6 tomorrow ?

 Tomura caved, digging his nails into the side of his neck and hissed at the pain, confirming the day's horrible reality. 

[hopewritcs]

hopper x reader #47?🙏🏼

“EPIPHANY MOMENTS.”

pairing: jim hopper x f!reader

song: epiphany.

notes: i say a “drabble” except i wind up with something longer than 1k words because the song simply demanded to be listened to and gave me such a muse for a longer story... i am so sorry ( seriously? but also i am not ). please enjoy. set pre & post s4 timeline -- that will make sense when you read. 

word count: 1.5k

part of spotify wrapped drabble night : accepting !

Had you been away from home for so long that you didn’t recognize Hawkins any longer? Or was it just that the town was absolutely destroyed that there was no way to really see the Hawkins that you had known. The past twenty-four hours were some of the worst you had experienced. 

While getting phone calls late at night were not unusual, you worked in a hospital--you weren’t a nurse or a doctor or even a technician like you had planned so many years ago in school--just a secretary for one of the medical suites open twenty-four seven, and your hours ranged so some nights you worked the overnight shift. 

It had been one of those nights when the phone rang in the office and you picked it up, like you would normally, but before you could even say who you were the words came flowing out of the other end on top of each other like there were several people on the line. 

“When was the last time you heard from your parents?” 

“Is there a spare room open? Turn on a tv to any of the news stations!”

“I think you need to get back to...”

“What about the guy?” Followed by a couple of shushes. 

“She said it would be a cold day in hell before she went back.”

“Well if...”

“Just turn on the news!” 

You didn’t know what they were talking about at all. When was the last time you’d spoken with your family back in Hawkins? You looked at a clock and realized you barely remembered the time. 

The last time you were in Hawkins was in 1983, and Will Byers had just been found. 

Hawkins 1983. 

It was home, and you were back to keep everything simple while you were in medical school -- the dream was to be a doctor someday. Everyone had known that while you were growing up in Hawkins, a couple of years behind Jim & Joyce in school but still friends with them. You’d been working as an EMT, spending a lot of time with the police chief now that you were back in town. 

He was not the same man you knew growing up. Then again, you weren’t the same person you were back then either. 

Maybe that was how you’d wound up in this back and forth with him, on and off. In a constant state of not knowing exactly where you stood with him. On reflection when you look back now you know you could have, should have talked about it--but you just didn’t. 

It was fine at the time, because you were so busy with work both of you that neither of you seemed to care about the relationship or the feelings under the surface. 

But, you couldn’t keep that buried forever. 

As the time went on, with Will being missing, it was hard to balance life in the small town as well as work and school and your feelings. Something had to go. 

Despite everything, it was your studies that suffered the most, in your attempts to help Joyce get through everything -- but you never told anybody that. 

Once Will was found, you moved away from Hawkins hoping to get away from everything that was a distraction. 

That included Jim, or so you thought.

Chicago, 1984. 

“Hey, newbie, there’s a phone call for you on line 2.” One of the nurses called over her shoulder as she put paperwork down on the counter in front of you. “He sounds handsome.” 

You had only been working at the hospital for six months at the time, so the nickname of newbie was kind of old. But it was said with affection with the nurse who spoke to you just then, not like some of the others who regarded you--a med school drop out, who was working the night shifts as a secretary while she worked her way through nursing school--as little more than a glorified paper weight. “If it’s the guy down in transport, tell him I’m ordering out for my break.” 

But she hadn’t left where she stood, tapping on the paperwork she had dropped off for you to sort through and looked impatient for you to answer the call yourself, “Come on, just answer it. I swear it’s not the guy down in transport. He says he knows you from home.” 

You looked up from what you were doing and paused at that, there weren’t many people who you had even given the information of your job from back home -- family, Joyce and her sons. Panic flashed in your eyes as you picked up the phone and the flashing number when you answered with your name and a rushed, “Who is this?” 

“Hopper,” came the quick reply of the gruff voice on the other end. You could picture him, probably with a cigarette in his mouth or fumbling with the case on his desk or whatever table he was near. “It’s Jim.” 

You have a lot of questions, but all you can manage to get out is a, “Hi.” 

“Hey.” he said back, and there’s a long silence, but you could hear him breathing. “I got a couple of questions about, uh, kids.”

“Wouldn’t Joyce be better to ask these things? She, y’know, has two, Jim.” 

“She’ll ask a lot of questions.” 

“I can’t promise I won’t ask any questions.” 

His laugh took you by surprise. You’re not sure the last time you heard it, and the smile that came on your own face because of it was just so natural. 

Damn it, you missed him. 

“I don’t know if I can answer all of your questions.” Jim said back after a moment. 

“Ditto.” you let you a small laugh of your own. “But I’m at work now, can I give you a call some other time? Is your number still the same?”

“Nothing’s changed, Y/N.” 

And there was so much more to that statement than either of you were ready to admit at the time. 

“I’ll call you in the morning. Goodnight, Jim.” 

After you hung the phone up it was like you remembered the world was around you. The nurse who had told you about the phone call was still standing by you and looked at you when the phone was hung up and was practically giddy with excitement. “Told you it wasn’t the guy from transport. But who was he?”

You held out your hand and looked at her, “Just give me the paperwork and let me work. Maybe I’ll tell you about him on my break later.”

It was the beginning of talking for the two of you. Just about anything and everything. You didn’t realize how much you had missed him, and pulling into the town you called home for so long made you think of it all. 

The summer of 1985 had been the culmination of a lot for you. You finally finished nursing school -- but had to make a decision between moving farther away from home to a place where you didn’t know one in an attempt to find a job, or keep the job you had and get a raise with the hopes of possibly getting a better position in the future. And, you were still talking to Jim every day, it was...surprisingly nice -- he continued to mention his daughter Jane. 

You were making plans to even go back to Hawkins sometime after the graduation from your class, after fourth of July craziness. 

Pulling into the familiar driveway of the Hopper house it was hard to think that you had planned to be here nearly a year ago and never managed to make it back. 

You thought he had died. You had lived with that feeling, that grief and those emotions for so long, and then the news station your old coworkers had called you earlier was showing him ( and sure, everyone else ) and it was like your heart stopped. 

It was like you had been pulled to Hawkins because you needed to be there. Needed to know what was going on and what to do. Had to be there. 

You’d wasted enough time without Jim Hopper, and having lost him once, you’d be damned if you were going to lose him again. 

When you pulled up, you could see that he was on the porch, almost like he’d been expecting you despite the fact that you hadn’t called anyone. Hell, you’d barely made it until the end of your shift and you were still in scrubs when you got out of the car and looked at him from a distance, shielding your eyed from the sun in the distance. 

The first time in three years seeing him, and he looked entirely different and altogether like the same man you knew. 

You wondered if he was thinking the same thing about you. 

With a half step away from the car, a move mimicked by Hopper as he walked down the porch of his home, you called out to him, “I don’t know what the hell you’ve gotten yourself and this town into Jim, but this time I’m going to stick around and help you out.” 

That was a promise. 

[starlightkun]

➠ word count: 2.4k ➠ warnings: cursing, explicit pre- and post-coitus descriptions (no smut but this one is definitely 18+, minors back off. you do not need to read this one to understand the rest of the series, i promise), implied unprotected sex (wrap it up, y’all— also reader is totally on birth control i SWEAR it’s just not TALKED ABOUT) ➠ genre: fluff, some minor angst, mature (as said in the warnings, 18+, minors stay out! if you skip this one, you will still understand the rest of the series), established relationship, former hockey captain sungchan, chronically ill reader (chronic migraines), shortfic in the buzzer beater series (after garbage goal, before saltwater smiles) ➠ extra info: the reader in this has chronic migraines, which i have. when the reader’s migraines, experiences as a chronically ill person, and thoughts about being chronically ill are described, that is me writing directly from my own life. i am not generalizing the lives of all people with chronic migraines/chronic illnesses, but i am sending all my love to any readers out there living with a chronic illness, and here’s a reminder to go take your meds! ➠ author’s note: i thought i was done with these two but they really do have me in a chokehold y’all 🤧 ➠ series masterlist

“I’m baby again?” He asked, his eyes sparkling hopefully.

“Oh, my Sungchannie,” you sighed, climbing onto his lap. His hands immediately found their natural place on your waist, looking up at you like he was holding the entire universe between his two palms. You looped your arms around his neck, the cool metal of your bracelet resting on the bare skin of the back of his neck. “You’re always going to be my guy. Don’t think one disagreement is going to free you. You’re stuck with me.”

“I love you so much,” Sungchan sighed, nuzzling his nose into your neck.

“Gross, you’re all sweaty,” you half-heartedly pushed at his bare chest pressed against your back, scooting forward to try to get away from the uncomfortable feeling of your hot skin sticking together. “Let me go.”

He just wrapped his arms around you tighter and pulled you back to him, a playful growl in his throat. “Say it back and I’ll consider it.”

“You’re such a loser,” you sighed, turning your neck to be able to peck the tip of his nose. “I love you, Channie.”

“I love you more, baby.” He connected your lips, earnestly slipping his tongue into your parted mouth. “Love you so much… can’t wait to marry you…” He breathed out between pants, cupping your cheek with one hand as his other traveled down the front of your body again. “And have the most beautiful babies with you… love of my life…”

You squeezed your eyes shut as his words stabbed you right in the chest, turning your head and rolling away from his grasp. “Sungchan, we’ve talked about this.”

There was pain and confusion on his features as he watched you sit up at the edge of the bed. He scrambled to follow you up, sitting next to you.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” He wrapped an arm tightly around your shoulders, pecking your temple. “I know what you said—the migraines are genetic, you don’t want to risk passing them on. I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry.”

“But that’s what you want, isn’t it?” You sniffled, feeling tears rise in your eyes and a lump start forming in your throat. “Kids…”

“Baby, I want kids with you, because I love you.” Sungchan grabbed both your hands, squeezing them tightly. “And I mean—would it really be the worst thing for them to possibly get migraines? If they were even half as amazing as you in every other way?”

Your hands went limp in his as you stared him down. “Sungchan. Think about how you feel every time I have a migraine, and you can’t do anything to help. How useless you are. Now picture how you’d feel if our kid had one. Our baby. Twelve, ten, eight years old. Sobbing in your arms because it hurts so bad, begging you, their dad, to make it stop, just make it stop, but you can’t. And I can’t. Maybe they get the nausea part of it too, and they’re throwing up, and they get dehydrated and we have to take them to the ER because they can’t hold anything down and their muscles are cramping up and everything hurts so bad. What if they have to get brain MRIs, Sungchan? Imagine them being all alone in that machine, nobody to hold their hand. Not to mention— I can’t take any of my medications from the day we decide to start trying, while I’m pregnant, and while I’m breastfeeding. So in addition to everything I’d have to go through being pregnant, I could have migraines four or five times a week for… over a year? Two years? But hey, maybe they’ll get my smile and your eyes, at least, right?”

Sungchan’s eyes were brimming with tears, and he swallowed thickly. “I get it, I get it…”

You shook off his hands, standing up and wrapping your arms around yourself, suddenly feeling too cold sitting naked in your bedroom. “I have to go shower… I’m sweaty and have… cum dripping out of me.”

The shower that was usually cramped when the two of you were packed in there together felt oddly big now as you washed up by yourself, harshly scrubbing at your skin. You stared blankly at the water droplets running down the tiles long after you’d finished washing up, standing there as the water turned lukewarm, until it was freezing cold and you were forced out shivering. Turning the spray off, you grabbed a fluffy towel to dry off with, stepping out into the still-steamy bathroom.

You stopped at the vanity, the foggy mirror looking too empty without Sungchan filling it up from behind you, distracting you from your skincare routine under the guise of “helping.” You could hear him still moving around in your bedroom, and part of you wished you didn’t have the sick feeling in your stomach that you did every time you fought so you could pull him in and do his skincare too. You loved your quiet, silly nights when you got to put a fluffy character headband on him and apply a face mask and rub in various moisturizers and the like all while listening to music and sitting in his lap, exchanging pecks on the nose every so often.

It was a rarity when you and Sungchan did anything more than lightheartedly bicker about stupid, inconsequential things—you were sure you could count the number of real fights you’d had in five years on one hand and have extra fingers leftover—but every time you did, it made you feel like you were going to be sick, and you always lost your appetite.

Something sitting on your vanity next to all your bottles and creams caught your attention. Your fingers graced over the corded blue and orange bracelet, tracing the five familiar beads fondly. 27JSC. It was a memento now, of his collegiate hockey career, and the bubbly beginnings of your relationship in your last year of undergrad. As your lives changed, the token no longer coordinated with your professional office wear you had to don day in and day out, something that you thought would have made your clingy boyfriend pout. But instead, he had excitedly gifted you the bracelet you were wearing now, a dainty and stylish silver chain, with five small silver letters—27JSC.

You still put the old bracelet on every so often, when you were invited back to watch the big games along with the other graduated players. The first home game of the season, league rivals, and of course the championship series.

You finished your after-shower skin routine and cautiously treaded back out to the bedroom, towel still wrapped tightly around you to protect you from the cold air. Sungchan was no longer in your bedroom, and you could hear him ransacking the pantry. While you lost your appetite when you fought, Sungchan was the opposite, very much an eat-his-feelings type of guy.

Without hesitation or another thought, you grabbed a pair of panties and shorts from your side of the drawers and a t-shirt from his side, the top covering pretty much all of your bottoms. You stopped at the dresser after getting dressed, grabbing the top and taking a few deep breaths. The image of Sungchan with tears in his eyes flashed in your mind again, and you shook your head. You hated that you had done that. But the conversation that immediately preceded those tears replayed in your mind, and your fingers gripped the furniture tighter. Had he really not listened to you the first time? Did he think he could change your mind about it or something? You wouldn’t wish this on your worst enemy, how could he ask you to risk giving it to your kid, the one person you were supposed to love more than anybody else? More than him? It just struck you as a total misalignment of values... something you needed to talk about more, make sure you really understood where his head and his heart were at.

With one final deep breath, you pushed the bedroom door open wide, and walked out towards the kitchen hesitantly. Sungchan had his hand stuffed in a bag of chips, and you saw several other containers of snacks strewn around on the countertops. As he spotted you, he didn’t bring the handful he had just grabbed out, instead dropping it back in and wiping his mouth with the side of his palm.

“Hey...” You said quietly, stopping at the threshold between the kitchen and living room. “Are you ready to talk? Or do you want some more time?”

“I can talk, yeah,” he nodded, setting the chip bag down. “Let me uh, let me wash my hands and put all this away, then we can sit wherever you want. Kitchen table, couch.”

“Okay.” You gave him a small smile, turning back around to head into the living room. You sat down on one of the central cushions as you heard the sink running, then the crinkle of bags being rolled back up.

When Sungchan finally joined you again, he didn’t sit as close as he normally would’ve, but it wasn’t an awkward amount of distance. Just enough to allow you two to focus on the topic at hand.

He wrung his hands over his lap, offering you a nervous smile. You decided to go first.

“I shouldn’t have called you useless, I’m sorry,” you apologized sincerely, remembering the hurt that had come across his face as soon as the word left your mouth. “That was… just mean of me. You’re not useless. It’s easier to get through the migraines when you’re with me, you make me feel less alone and that makes a big difference.”

Sungchan offered a hand out palm-up in the space between you, and you set yours atop it. He squeezed your hand, his always much bigger and warmer than yours in comparison. “Do you remember that Halloween party? Before we started dating, when you had asked me to stay with you during that migraine.”

“Of course. It was... you were great. I fell for you before I even knew it.”

“The next morning, when we were sitting on Jeno’s bed in that nasty fucking frat house—”

That earned a chuckle from you, and Sungchan smiled bittersweetly, running his thumb over yours.

“—you were telling me about how you just wanted your pain to be real to somebody, because after so long, the word ‘migraine’ had sort of lost all meaning to the people around you. I let that happen to me, too. I was dismissive of all your pain and was even willing to put it on a hypothetical child of ours for a selfish reason. I’m so sorry for doing that to you, for making you feel like that, for becoming one of those people. I’m so, so sorry.”

You brought a hand up to stroke his cheek, his face more manly now than it had been on that Halloween night he had just described. “I forgive you. And I hope you don’t think this is the end of the kids conversation for us. I love the idea of starting a family with you, too. I think you’ll be a great dad. I just… Chronic migraines have a genetic component and I can’t stand the thought of passing on this kind of pain to my kid. You understand that, right? Please tell me you get that?”

“Yeah, of course. And I didn’t even think about you going off your meds either. God, I’m so sorry.” He leaned his head into your touch. “You’ll be the best mom. And I know that because you’re already making the best choices for them and they don’t even exist.”

You smiled softly at that. “I… probably could’ve been less… vivid earlier. It was a bit harsh.”

“No, I needed a reality check. A good slap out of the post-nut haze I was in.”

“Yeah, because you would’ve enjoyed a real slap,” you snickered, pulling on his ear gently.

He pouted at you. “Are you kink-shaming me?”

“No, just teasing you, baby.” You pinched his chin and wiggled his head back and forth.

“I’m baby again?” He asked, his eyes sparkling hopefully.

“Oh, my Sungchannie,” you sighed, climbing onto his lap. His hands immediately found their natural place on your waist, looking up at you like he was holding the entire universe between his two palms. You looped your arms around his neck, the cool metal of your bracelet resting on the bare skin of the back of his neck. “You’re always going to be my guy. Don’t think one disagreement is going to free you. You’re stuck with me.”

You leaned down to sink your teeth into the side of his neck, biting and sucking a mark into his skin. He immediately groaned, his hips pushing up into yours and his hands gripping onto you with a bruising strength.

“Nowhere else I want to be, than right here with my girl.” He was already breathing heavily. “God, so obsessed with you, baby. Could stay here and make love to you all day every day.”

“‘Make love?’” You repeated with a giggle, kissing a trail up his neck until you were sitting up straight again, looking him in the eye as you asked, “Not fuck my brains out?”

“Can do both at the same time,” he grinned, scooping you up in his arms bridal style. “Fuck your brains out lovingly.”

You let out a squeal of surprise, throwing your arms around his shoulders as the couch went out from under you. “Gah! Maybe your post-hockey hobby shouldn’t have been weightlifting. You scare the hell out of me every time you do that, Channie.”

“You love it and you know it.” He shook his head at you, looking pointedly at where your hands were gripping his well-defined shoulder and back muscles.

“I’m invoking my right to remain silent.”

“Don’t be too quiet.” He dropped you gently onto the many pillows at the head of your bed, immediately climbing over you. “We don’t have a baby to wake up yet.”

“Slow your roll, you haven’t even proposed,” you teased, sliding down flat on your back, grabbing his collar to bring his lips down to meet yours as you did.

“I’m— mmh— working on it,” he promised between kisses. “My girl deserves the best. Need it to be so special.”

“You’ve been saying that for almost a year,” you reminded him, pulling insistently at his shirt hem.

He obediently yanked his sweatshirt off, tossing it to the side before locking his lips with yours again. “Impatient?”

“To marry you? Mm, maybe,” you hummed, running your hand appreciatively up and down his pecs and abs. “Aren’t you?”

“Of course I am,” he moaned just at the thought, latching onto your collarbone. “I’d elope with you right now if you asked me to.”

He paused for a half beat, as if waiting to see if you would, then continued on when you didn’t. “I’m going to make it perfect for you, baby. Promise. Anything for my girl.”

“Well in the meantime…” You reached a hand down, palm out with your fingers spread, and Sungchan immediately laced his fingers with yours. You brought your linked hands up above your head, smiling down at him. “How about you fuck your girl’s brains out lovingly?”

➠ next | series masterlist | blog masterlist

[twosides--samecoin]

Hello! If you're still taking questions for fanfic writer friday-- do you have any headcanons about little lamplight or MacCready's childhood?

Sorry for late reply I'll send you an ask back when I get a minute!! @vault-heck

RJ always wanted to go to Shenandoah National Park. He heard about it from the older kids and through merchants who would come trade with the Little Lamplighters. Sure, he might prefer a rocky ceiling now, after years of being gone, but once upon a time he was aching to get moving and see the world.

He didn't want that rocky ceiling for a time. I think your home/hometown as a kid can annoy you and make you feel like you wanna go run away to greener pastures and RJ felt those kinds of feelings especially as he hit his teen years and had ample time to dream about what he wanted his life to be. There was a period where he ached to sleep under the stars, to see these outlooks and views and endless forests. On occasion, the merchants would have a rare copy of a National Geographic and he loved poring over the images, learning what the world looked like. What the world used to look like before pre war folk bombed it to hell. When he heard about the Appalachian Trail.. All bets were off. He was gonna go do it. Some hikers build up to the Triple Crown trails over a lifetime interest of hiking, some people hear about it and say "I'm sold". This is def where I write RJ from my own experiences and interests when I was thinking of what RJ was like in his teen years. Luray Caverns - the place LL is based off of - is not terribly far from the closest side of Shenandoah. In chapter 1 I wrote that RJ and Lucy followed the Potomac to Harper's Ferry, VA. This is a hiker's Mecca as far as the AT was concerned. It just fell into place for me that the hikable proximity fit RJ's life situation once he left LL. It also makes one thing make sense IMO: We know him and Lucy had been to Boston before. How'd they do it? They hiked the AT.

Lol I'm so wordy I'm sorry I'm the worst

Other things

Angry ADHD child (you're projecting Indeed I am and I shall continue to do so) onions have layers and I think just beneath the dry outer skin, the next 2 layers for me personally as an ADHD person is basically a sort of irritability and cynicism, it has also been depression too. I can mask it better off medication. On meds that outer dry layer is like 99% ripped off and I have to remember to code switch for work and I don't always. So the way I write RJs thoughts and voice is like, the way I remember what I was like the last time I didn't have meds in my system when managing my exterior personality was easier

Really wanted a dog but most of them in the Wasteland were feral and also there was a good chance a dog would be viewed as food by someone else in LL. He always imagined that some dogs - the way they were painted in advertisements with white picket fences and a family - had to be friendly. He met Dogmeat and finally felt like he found one of those dogs in the ads

Before they left LL Lucy wanted to go to River City first and RJ BEGGED to go hike instead. They didn't see Megaton or Rivet City until the way back from Boston

RJ kept the tough mayor act up but he didn't really need to use authority with people who lived there during his tenure as mayor. If they had issues it was a family affair where everyone yelled about it until they felt done or half a resolution was decided on. Even messy fights among them was better than the kind of trouble mungos and brotherhood brought

"I'm so wordy I'M the worst" WRITES MORE

[vergess]

An adult human in my vicinity went for ADHD dx. She had a call that had a lot of standard ND screening questions and got a prescription for both Wellbutrin and Zoloft, and told that she needed acomputer test for a proper diagnosis and actual ADHD meds, plus blood work. Is that normal? Do you know anything about antidepressants and ADHD?

I mean, it's definitely normal, yes. Whether it's good is much more debateable.

But it's extremely normal, because we live in a fuckign hellscape and the government in this country likes to arbitrarily gatekeep life saving medications like pain relief and stimulants to prove they're "tough on drugs" even though it literally makes the problems of addiction, street drugs, and overdose related death much much much MUCH WORSE.

/ahem

Anyway, it's very normal for a medical practice to either say outright "we don't treat ADHD here at all sorry" or to put access to stimulants behind a bunch of weird obtrusive hoops. For example, I have to go to my doctor every three months for a physical, a mental health screening, and to sign a stupid fucking contract that says I'm Contributing To Society In The Legally Mandated Ways before I am allowed to get the medicine that literally allows me to feed myself or clean my own body.

The computer screening in particular sounds Very Legit to me, because a lot of the time they're going to end up using the same diagnostic exam you can fucking take online, but monitoring you while you do. Advise your friend to always describe their most extreme ADHD symptoms when taking the screener. If they've ever "forgotten an important work task" she needs to put that she constantly forgets them, like the maximum fucking amount. Stuff like that.

Okay the actual question now.

Wellbutrin+Zoloft is a common enough treatment for ADHD when your doctor is averse to stimulants for whatever reason. In a normal society, this would be "because you have a history of heart problems or have tried stimulants and found them unhelpful," but we don't live in that world. It's what's called a second-line treatment, which basically means it's supposed to be tried second, after first-line (stimulants) have failed.

ADHD is generally believed at this point to be a fault in the way neurotransmitters bind to neurons in the brain. They take 'too long' to bind, and end up getting cleaned up instead of transmitting their message. Since the cleanup system is being constantly triggered, you also make less of these neurotransmitters since there's an apparent oversupply. (This is a WILD oversimplification)

Stimulants cause you to make more neurotransmitters, bringing production up high enough that the transmitters have a chance to bind before the overzealous cleanup systems eat them.

Wellbutrin slows down the cleanup process of one neurotransmitter (noradrenaline, I believe). Zoloft slows down the cleanup of a different one (serotonin). So, they're often prescribed in concert.

But, they literally cannot help you produce more neurotransmitters so they fundamentally have limited overall utility in ADHD. Not no utility. Plenty of people who cannot take stimulants find this combination adequate to live with.

But in almost all cases stimulants will work fucking better.

The fact that our goddamn War On Drugs bullshit has made it this difficult to get them is disgusting and is also specifically the fault of Joseph Robinet Biden, who takes great personal PRIDE in having created this medically destructive hellscape during his pre-presidential career and now seems to take great joy in doing nothing to clean up his own goddamn mess.

Okay so!

Yes, SSRIs, NDRIs, and other reuptake inhibitors (cleanup slowdowners) are definitely An Option for ADHD, but they're SUPPOSED TO BE A SECONDARY OPTION FOR A FUCKING REASON AUGH

ETA: You can also be prescribed secondline treatments in addition to firstline ones, if you for example need stronger management of symptoms, etc etc there's a lot of nuance this is a rage fuelled over simplification.

[ificanthaveu]

Don’t Tell The RA || Shawn Mendes

Description: RA!Shawn asks for your help with studying for your final exam, but an RA should always expect the unexpected. 

A/N: Happy 1st day of my semi-not-really-ficmas! I’m positive I’ve used every winter/Christmas themed fic idea, but I scrounged together a few so here’s the first of the installment. These’ll probably all be pretty short (except for 1 probably bc i have a lot of ideas for it). Also.....if this gif doesn’t look like RA!Shawn trying to get his freshmen boys to stfu so they can start and end the hall meeting ASAP.

Word Count: 2.4k

You were the first person out of the room when your History professor dismissed you, meeting your awaiting roommate Micah across the hall. The two of you started walking back to your dorm without much of a word until she launched into how difficult her calculus exam is going to be.

“At least it’s related to your major. I’m about to fail a gen-ed,” you said as you rolled your eyes. “I’ve never liked History, and this is a literal nightmare.”

“Hey, only one more test, and we’re done,” she reminded you.

Before you could respond to her, you heard your name being yelled from behind you. The both of you stopped and turned around to see Shawn maneuvering his way in and out of people, his tall stature poking out from the rest as you smiled at him.

“Have you started studying for the final yet?” He asked as he fell into step with you and Micah, making your way out of the building.

You practically snorted with a head shake before you said, “Absolutely not. I’ve been so caught up in my biology classes that I’ve barely started looking at this. It’s not looking good for me.”

“We get it. You’re pre-med,” Micah mumbled before you elbowed her.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve cracked open the textbook since the first week,” he said.

“Oh, you opened yours? Mine’s still in the plastic wrap,” you said as proud as you could.

That earned a laugh from Shawn as he shook his head at you.

“You may be worse off than I am,” he said.

He paused for a moment, looking between you and where he had to turn to go to the freshman dorms, opposite campus from the junior ones.

“Would you wanna study tonight?” He asked.

You heard Micah choke on her breath as you prayed he didn’t hear it.

“Yeah, I definitely need it,” you replied.

“Can’t do it in our room,” Micah interjected quickly. “Josie is coming over for calc.”

“We can study at mine,” he said. “If that’s ok with you of course. We just might get interrupted by check-out questions.”

“Sounds just fine with me. I could never do what you do,” you said, looking up at him as he shrugged and looked away, the blush almost evident on his cheeks.

“Well, my room and board is paid for, so I’ll deal with throwing up freshmen in the bathroom at 2 am,” he said. “Does 7 work?”

“Sounds perfect,” you said as you turned to go towards your dorm. “See you then.”

Micah followed behind you as you began to cross campus, waiting until you were clearly out of earshot of Shawn.

“You really had to say we couldn’t do it in our dorm?” You asked as you gripped onto her wrist and she laughed. “Now I have to be extra alone with him.”

“That’s the point,” she said flatly. “Don’t act like you haven’t been staring at him all semester. That man is the total package.”

“And we’re studying together, nothing else,” you quickly pointed out.

“Well it may start that way but-“ you cut her off before she could finish.

“Don’t say something that won’t come true,” you said as you swiped into the building and walked up the stairs to your dorm.

“You wish it will though,” she said in a sing-song voice as you unlocked your door and pushed her in.

“So what are you wearing?” She asked as she whipped open your closet.

“I’m not changing,” you said.

Micah turned around and looked up and down at your sweatpants and sweatshirt with a look of disgust.

“Can you at least put leggings on and a clean sweatshirt? Maybe put your hair in a pony-tail instead of that bun that looks like it was slept in - scratch that - a bun that was slept in,” she said as she threw you a pair of black leggings and a school crewneck.

“This is ridiculous,” you mumbled as you changed.

“You’ll thank me later,” she called after you.

It had started snowing by the time 6:45 came around, and you began your trip across campus. You were regretting not wearing a jacket as you shivered and crossed your arms tightly around your chest.

The person at the front desk smiled at you as you made your way up to Shawn’s dorm, scanning the rooms for the one that said “Residential Assistant” on the front.

You knocked twice once you found it, rocking back and forth on your feet and trying to shake the cold. You glanced around at the winter-themed decorations around the hall before Shawn swung the door open.

“Hey,” he said brightly with that big smile that made you weak. “You look freezing.”

“I am,” you said as he welcomed you in. “Big mistake not wearing a coat.”

You scanned over his room quickly as he shut the door behind the two of you. He had white Christmas lights strung along his window, making for a beautiful reflection mixed with the snow. His overhead light was off, but the lamp beside his futon was on. It was surprisingly clean, but you attributed that to him never knowing when someone was going to need to talk to him.

Two mugs were situated on his desk in the corner of the room. He crossed the room and grabbed one and handed it to you.

“It’s mint tea,” he said. “Helps with studying.”

“Ah, of course,” you said, taking the mug and sitting on his, surprisingly comfortable, futon.

“And a blanket,” he said as he pulled it from the back of the couch. “Since you look like you might have hypothermia.”

“Thank you,” you said softly as you wrapped it tightly around your shoulders.

You pulled out your book and binder, flipping to the study guide that was handed out in class.

“Ok, where do you want to start?” You asked as Shawn pulled his slightly crumpled study guide from where it was tucked in his book.

“Well, I know nothing,” he said as he scanned over the paper. “Actually, I know one.”

“Which one?”

“The one he told us the answer for today.”

“That does not count.”

The two of you determined an order to study from as you kept his open textbook balancing on both of your knees, occasionally having to lean closer to the other to take a look at a passage.

Shawn skimmed the page, pointing at a passage and trying to explain it to you as you looked at him. You couldn’t hear a word he said as you watched how into the topic he got, using his hands to try to express his point. You sent the butterflies to the bottom of your stomach by taking a giant sip of the tea and moving onto the next question.

He asked you the next one, taking the textbook from you as you leaned an arm on the back of the futon. You glanced between him and the mini Christmas tree in the corner as you tried to explain it as best you can without the book as a crutch.

You looked back at him, his head cocked to the side and an interested look on his face. A few curls fell onto his forehead as he studied you. You tried to keep talking as his gaze was unwavering.

“Sounds right to me,” he said, his face dangerously close to yours as he also leaned his arm on the back.

“I honestly wouldn’t know,” you whispered. “Were you even looking at the book to make sure I was right?” You teased.

“I had something else I had to look at,” he said at the same volume.

You felt him lean in as you did the same. You could feel his breath fan over your lips as your hand rested on his knee.

Three solid knocks sent you flying away from each other.

Shawn cursed under his break as he stood up and swung the door open quickly.

“What?” He said to the kid in front of him, who was significantly shorter than Shawn.

“Kevin knocked over the-“ he paused as he saw you watching from across the room. “Oh, sorry, Shawn, I didn’t realize you had a girl over.”

You choked on your sip of tea as Shawn shoved the kid out the door and slammed the door behind him.

You pulled yourself together as you could hear Shawn’s muffled voice through the paper-thin walls.

“Why the fuck would you say that with her right there?” He said.

“I didn’t know! I would’ve gotten the RA on duty if I knew you were on a date,” the kid yelled back.

You could hear Shawn huff and could imagine him tugging at his hair.

“It’s nothing, Cade. It’s literally nothing at all,” Shawn said quickly. Your stomach dropped.

“It didn’t look like nothing,” the kid - Cade - teased back.

“Just tell me what’s going on, so I can study, which is the only thing we were doing,” he trailed off as you could hear the two of them walking down the hall.

You tried not to let yourself get too disappointed as you half packed up some of your stuff, not wanting to overstay your welcome if he didn’t see anything here. You felt yourself begin to overthink, wondering what would’ve happened if he kissed you. If he just wanted something quick before break, a finale to your semester together in class.

You waited patiently, your chin resting on your knees as you tried to look at the study guide with no luck.

The door swung open once again as Shawn came back. He shut the door behind him, running his hands through his hair as he looked over at you, noticing nothing but your study guide sitting out. He felt his stomach drop but didn’t say anything.

“Ok, where were we?” He said as he sat down again, dangerously close as his thigh grazed across yours.

Your breath hitched as he looked over at the study guide in your lap, looking at your one newly highlighted point.

You looked up at him as he asked you a question on the point. It was obvious he was looking at your lips.

You tried to answer the question and steady your shaky voice, but he leaned closer. Before his lips had the chance to press against yours, you rested your hand against his chest.

“Shawn…” you trailed off. “I can’t.”

“I’m so sorry,” he quickly said. “I didn’t - I thought - I’m sorry, I thought there was…” he trailed off as he tried to motion between the two of you as he leaned back.

“I just,” you paused as you let out a breath. “I really don’t want to be a one-night thing before you go back home.”

“Why would you think that?” He asked, an upset look clearly on his face.

“It’s nothing. It’s literally nothing at all,” you quoted him as you played with the edge of the study guide.

He looked at you confused as you looked down at the page, trying to distract yourself.

“Why would you say that? I don’t think this is just nothing,” he said.

“Shawn, these walls are paper-thin,” you snapped as you looked up at him. “I heard you telling the kid that this was nothing, and I don’t want nothing. So I’m stopping it here.”

He rubbed his forehead softly as you tucked your study guide into your binder, opening your backpack to put it away.

“I’m not going to tell one of my residents that he just interrupted something,” Shawn said quickly. “They’re my residents. I’m not about to tell them about my love life. I didn’t know you’d hear that. I swear I don’t think this is just nothing. I just don’t want them to know that stuff about me. There’s no reason to. I’m so sorry if it came off as any other way.”

You watched him continue to get flustered as he stayed relatively close to you, his hand almost hitting your shoulder as he spoke.

“I’ve been crazy about you since the beginning of the semester. I don’t just want to kiss you and forget,” he explained, leaning close to you again.

“Really?” You asked softly.

He smiled back at you, his hand almost resting against your shoulder as he draped it against the back of the futon.

“Really,” he replied.

This time when he leaned in, you let him kiss you. His hand enveloped the side of your face as you rested your hands gently on his chest. He tugged on your hip, and you followed his lead as you climbed onto his lap, smiling into the kiss as his hands stayed planted on your hips, gripping into your sides.

You pulled back before pecking his lips once more, leaning your forehead against his so you could see his big smile.

You glanced outside to see the snow getting worse as you let out a sigh.

“I should get going,” you whispered.

“But it’s a blizzard out there,” he mumbled as he pressed a kiss to your cheek. “And you don’t have a coat.” Another kiss at the corner of your lips. “Just stay,” he whispered as his lips met yours again.

“I don’t want to get us in trouble,” you whisper back.

“I know the RA. Don’t worry about it. I can pull some strings if he finds out,” he said with a cocky smile as you rolled your eyes, leaning in again.

“Won’t the residents know?” You mumbled against his lips.

“Let ‘em talk,” he said as his hand rubbed up your side, sending shivers across your body. “I won’t see them for over a month anyway.”

“Well, as long as the RA doesn’t find out, I think maybe I can stay,” you whispered as Shawn flipped you over so your back pressed against the futon and he hovered above you.  

“I’ll make sure he never finds out.”

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[headoverheelsforramsey]

Hiiiii! Here are this week's different questions lol

Not Yet Wed Questions

Note: Great Scott! This week, we are going back in time to MC’s intern year. Think of Ethan’s relationship with them at this point and answer the following questions accordingly. It is entirely up to you when in year 1 this takes place (pre/post Miami, pre/post CH 15, etc). Feel free to answer with dialogue or pictures or both :) Have fun!

No worries. All of this is off the record and HR will never know!

The setting for this answers is:

For Both

When I first saw them, I thought__________

What is your coworker's most used swear word?

Quick: What color are their eyes?

Three people at work your coworker hates?

What is your coworker’s strangest or most endearing quirk?

If they had a crush on anyone at work, who would that be?

(Bonus round! Feel free to skip.)

Never have I Ever:

come into work hungover

had a fistfight

been kicked out of a bar

gotten a tattoo

broken someone’s heart

been in love

For MC (Ethan is not there)

Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

What do you find the most impressive about him?

Last thing he texted you?

If he asked you out on a date, what would you say?

For Ethan (MC is not there)

Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

What specifically do you find attractive about her?

Last thing she texted you?

If she asked you out on a date, how would you respond?

Hello Hello Bree! My weekly dose of sunshine has arrived! 🤗

Sorry this took so long I am literally neck deep in assignments.

Anyways can I just say that these questions were just brilliant!! Book 1 is so close to our hearts and Ethan MC dynamic back in the day was priceless. 😂

Just a fair warning this contains a lot of pinching noses and rolling eyes because that's what book 1 Ethan used to do all the time. So now let the fun begin! 🤩

The setting for this answers is: Post Chap 15, before the ethics trial.

Ethan : Remind me again why I am doing this?

Meera : Because you are unemployed and have a lot of free time, also because I asked nicely? (with puppy eyes)

Ethan (Rolls eyes)

FOR BOTH

When I first saw them, I thought__________

*Both of them wait for each other to answer*

Ethan : You go first, this was your idea.

Meera : Oh boy. Why do I have the feeling you are going to hate me even more after this?

Ethan : I can't hate you more than I did when I first met you.

Meera (expectantly) : So you are saying the hatred for me has declined since then?

Ethan : Just answer the damn question.

Meera : Okay fine. I thought "why is this person being so rude to me? I am still a kid I am still learning. Such an asshole, gotta keep outta his path."

Ethan (looks at her amused) : I thought "ah shit here we go again. A new bunch of nerve wrecking idiotic interns incoming."

Meera (dramatically opens her mouth and places her hands on her chest) : Ouch! Rude!

Ethan (sly grin)

What is your coworker's most used swear word?

Meera : Jesus. Christ. Jesus Christ. He is religious that way. (winks)

Ethan : Very funny Rookie. She on the other hand has an explicit vocabulary in slangs but I think I have heard holy shit, holy cow, holy fuck the most.

Meera (excitedly) : See I am religious too. Also look at us twining in swears.

Quick: What color are their eyes?

Meera (immediately) : Ocean Blue! No, Celestial blue!

Ethan (looks at Meera, surprised)

Meera (suddenly concious) : Blue. Just plain simple blue.

Ethan (thinks for a moment)

Meera (puts a hand over her eyes)

Ethan : What are you doing?

Meera : I won't let you cheat.

Ethan : Cheat? I don't cheat.

Meera : Ofcourse the great Ethan Ramsey doesn't cheat. Then go ahead and ans---

Ethan : Dark brown.

Meera (impressed with him)

Three people at work your coworker hates?

Meera (heaves out a long dramatic sigh) : Ask me whom he doesn't?

Ethan : I tolerate most of them though.

Meera (chuckles) : I think it'll be Dr. Thorne, Dr. Myles and Dr. Hirata. Atleast these are the ones he complains about the most.

Ethan : Hmm. Fair enough. Bose here obviously hates that back stabbing "friend" whose name I'd rather die than learn. And I think Dr. Emery and Dr. Mirani also falls under this list.

Meera : Full point for the first one, but I think Aurora is a good person overall, she has some issues, which we need to work out. And I don't hate Zaid, I just don't like how he is always in a grumpy melancholic mood.

Ethan : Which is very justified of him given that he has to work with the interns the majority of his work hours.

What is your coworker’s strangest or most endearing quirk?

Meera : Easy, pinching the bridge of his nose and rolling his eyes when annoyed, which is all the time by the way.

Ethan : I think adjusting her glasses when it threatens to slip from her nose and forming her lips in a strange way when concentrating.

Bree : I am sorry doctor could you just explain the last part better.

Ethan (rolls his eyes and tries to do his best impression of Meera's pout)

Meera (chuckles) : That's not how it's done, Ethan. This is how it's done (pouts)

Ethan : Yeah same thing.

If they had a crush on anyone at work, who would that be?

Ethan : Crush? What are we? Highschool students? I am not answering that. (prepares to leave)

Meera : I think it might be Dr. Emery.

Ethan (stops short on his way out, turns around and takes a seat again) : Really Rookie? Fine you want to know her crush? It's that scalpel jockey, or that paramedic guy she is so friends with or maybe that other Indian intern roomate she has.

Meera : What! No. They are my friends. What made you think that?

Ethan : What made you think Harper is my crush?

Bree : Okay doctors let's move on to the next round.

Never have I Ever:

come into work hungover

Meera : Nope!

Ethan : Never. We are doctors we might get someone loose their life.

had a fistfight

Meera : Yes.

Ethan (looks at her unbelievingly) : I thought you were the harmless kind.

Meera (smugly) : I am mostly harmless, untill you get on my bad side. What about you?

Ethan : I'll have to say no.

Meera : You punched Nash though.

Ethan : He didn't punch me back, so doesn't count Rookie.

been kicked out of a bar

Meera : Unfortunately yes.

Ethan : Unfortunately yes too.

Meera : What?! The great Ethan Ramsey?

Ethan : Stop calling me that. I am a human afterall and I had some very stupid friends back in med school.

gotten a tattoo

Ethan : No.

Meera : Yes.

Ethan (smirks)

broken someone’s heart

Meera : Not that I know off

Ethan : I am not proud of it but yes.

been in love

Ethan : No.

Meera : Expected. For me it's yes. Maybe it didn't last but I can't say what we had wasn't love.

For Meera (Ethan is not there)

Where do you see him in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

He thinks he won't practice medicine anymore because he can't solve Naveen's case but I know he won't be able to resist helping people and ofcourse that is what Naveen always wanted. So, professionally, he is doing wonders. Inspiring thousands of hearts, guiding hundreds of young doctors and saving millions of lives. The diagnostic team has becomes globally recognised. He has written another book or two. Maybe won the Lasker Awards.

Personally, I hope he is happy and not lonely. He needs someone by his side. Someone who can tolerate his sarcasm and critisisim. Someone who will put a smile on his face when he wakes up beside her. Maybe he'll have a family, if that someone is really strong-willed. (let's out a dry laugh)

What do you find the most impressive about him?

His passion for what he does. He just lights up and enrapts the entire room when he speaks about medicine. And I just get lost in the sea of passion in his eyes. Also his stubbornness and unwillingness to give up is really impressive.

Last thing he texted you?

I'll show you wait.

He ordered about half a dozen books on Medical Law and Ethics for me.

If he asked you out on a date, what would you say?

(stays silent for a long time)

I don't think so he will. Like the chances are really really thin but trust me if he does I wouldn't dare say no. (colour rises to her cheeks)

But yes that's in a different world. A world in which we don't live. (sighs wistfully)

For Ethan (Meera is not there)

Where do you see her in five years (both professionally and in his personal life?)

If she manages to save her lisence she'll be a wonderful doctor. She'll save innumerable lives and be one of the brightest stars in medicine. I am sure she'll secure a spot on the DT and maybe even lead it someday. She'll make me proud. (smiles genuinely)

Personally I hope she'll be with someone who loves her more than anything and that she is with literally anybody else but that scalpel jockey. She'll have a loving caring partner who'll cook her meals when she comes home from a twelve hour shift. She'll have amazing friends especially the ones she has now. They really love her and they didn't think twice before helping her out with Mrs. Martinez's case.

Maybe she'll have a family. A few kids who will also grow up to show a stunning reflection of their mother.

What specifically do you find attractive about her?

Ethan : I can't say attractive but I'll say I like her personality. She has a magnetic one that makes sure to turn heads any time she walks into a room. Also I love that she cares so deeply about people and she is willing to go out of her way to put a smile on these people's face. Like for example Mrs. Martinez.

Bree : So is this "like" or "love"?

Ethan : Did I? Did I just say love? I am so sorry I meant like.

Bree : Could you enlist something physically attractive about her?

Ethan : If I have to. I'd say I love, er... like, like her laughter. It literally brightens the entire room. (blushes)

Last thing she texted you?

"Thank you Ethan"

If she asked you out on a date, how would you respond?

(sighs) I would feel lucky to go on a date with her, but right now in this situation? It's too complicated. I can't jeopardize her career, so it's a no form me, despite my actual feelings.

This was so fun! Thank you once again @jamespotterthefirst

Tagging my usual : @starrystarrytrouble @mm2305 @charisworld @choicesfanaf @potionsprefect @genevievemd  @shanzay44 @little-flowers-on-heaven @schnitzelbutterfingers  @coffeeheartaddict @gryffindordaughterofathena @chemist-ana @adiehardfan @custaroonie @ireneadlerisseggsy @takemyopenheart @natureblooms24 @mainstreetreader @izzyourresidentlawyer @a-crepusculo @quixoticdreamer16 @starryeyedrookie @barbean

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed. And if you want to sit out only the answers to the ask games hit me up too. There won't be any hard feelings. I promise. 💜

[nol-an]

it was good until it wasn’t || n. patrick

inspired by the prompt, “please don’t make me choose.”

2k worth of A N G S T!! um yea haven’t written in over two years and this is my first hockey fic so bear with me. feedback is always appreciated! (this is not proofread and im sure there are probs some plot holes- oops)

__________

For so long, everything had felt too good to be true. Nolan finally accomplished his dream of playing in the NHL, and you had gotten into your dream school in Philadelphia. To you, there was nothing more important than pursuing a career in the medical field and being able to do that with Nolan on your side.

At times, the long study nights, missed plans, and occasional stressed-induced breakdowns made you question if you were ever going to meet your end goals. That feeling was definitely not foreign to you, but it didn’t necessarily make coping with the thought any easier. It was a weird feeling — four years of undergraduate school almost felt like too much yet not enough time. There was so much you wanted to accomplish, and you sometimes wished you weren’t so ambitious because the days where you felt incapable of being successful were the days that you wanted nothing more than to wallow in your fears alone.

Luckily for you, Nolan was incredibly understanding of your fears. While he knew his life as an athlete was drastically different from your life as a student, he tried his best to understand your thoughts and always told you how much he admired your drive to reach your goals. No matter how often you tried to internalize your emotions, Nolan knew better and never hesitated to be your rock. Be it in the form of verbal or physical reassurance, his presence radiated a sense of comfort that always brought you out of any illusion of doubt you may have conjured. 

He doesn’t tell you enough, but you have a similar effect on him. Your gentle touches, cute pre-game texts, and warm hugs never fail to bring a smile to his face. If he’s being honest with himself, he’s not quite sure what he would do without you. It’s not really a thought he has to worry about, though, because for what felt like a blissful eternity, the stars aligned for you two. There were undoubtedly times when Nolan and you would run into disagreements, but the desire to make things work seemingly mended any issues in the relationship.

That was, however, until everything seem to come to a head. With your MCAT exam date approaching very soon and Nolan’s season with the Flyers starting just as quickly, it was hard for the two of you to bask in each other’s presence like usual. It wasn’t something either of you really noticed, as you both understood how important the other’s career was. You knew how important this comeback season for Nolan would be, and you tried your best to let him know that you would support him no matter what. He didn’t have to say it, but you knew a lot of doubts were rushing through your boyfriend’s head and you almost mistook his increasingly reserved demeanor as nerves. 

In fact, you didn’t really give it much thought until Nolan came home from his fourth game of the season. As badly as you wished you could have attended, the remaining hours you had to prepare for the MCAT were previous and you reassured Nolan that you would be his number one cheerleader again as soon as you got the dreaded test out of the way.

Your nose was stuffed into a psychology textbook until your trance was broken with the slam of the front door to you and Nolan’s shared apartment.

“Hi, baby,” you greeted as you got out of your seat to hug your freshly-showered boyfriend. If the sound of the front door was any indication, you had a feeling that the game didn’t go as desired, and you didn’t want to push any touchy subjects. On more than one occasion, Nolan had told you how much he liked how he could escape from hockey in your presence. He loved that he could escape from that part of his life, loved how you made him feel like a normal guy. You thought this would be one of those nights where even the word “hockey” wouldn’t be uttered, but you were wrong. So wrong.

“You’re not gonna ask how the game went?” Your boyfriend pressed, his tone bitter. Pulling away from your hug, he turned his back to you all too soon and he walked towards the kitchen.

“I-I mean, you know I’m always here to listen about your games, but I just thought you wouldn’t want to talk about it?” you meekly replied, unsure of where he was going with the conversation. 

You weren’t entirely sure what the outcome of the game was, but you were definitely confused. Nolan usually didn’t like talking about the Flyers’ losses, but you were so sure something went wrong based on his dramatic entrance into your shared home.

Prompted by his silence, you continued, “Um, so was it a win?” you uttered, regretting your words as soon as they slipped off your tongue.

Slamming his water bottle on the countertop, Nolan’s actions caused your words to dissipate. Silence filled the room, the tension almost palpable.

“Well you would know if you were there, wouldn’t you?” he replied, clearly annoyed by your seemingly stupid question.

Alright, so definitely not a win.

“Nols,” you tried to reason, “You know I wanted to be there so badly, but I couldn’t. The MCAT is almo-” you were abruptly cut off.

“I know. The MCAT is only two weeks away and it’s super important for you. It’s been the same thing for weeks now, you don’t have to remind me,” Nolan finished your sentence, his monotonous and resentful tone making it clear that he had already heard the same words from you numerous times before.

Had it not been for this same tone, you would have brushed off his comment. You would have instead attributed his harshness to tonight’s loss, which would have been the third one in a row. However, his response felt condescending — like he was downplaying how important the MCAT actually was to you.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you quipped. It felt like you just recited the most cliche line in the book, but your brain and heart had already started functioning at two different rates. If you attempted to say any more, your stress from the upcoming exam mixed with the rising argument you sensed would have surely sent you into a pool of tears.

“It’s just exhausting you, know?” Nolan started, “I know you’re busy with your own things, but it sucks seeing all of the other guys getting to hug their girlfriends and wives at the tunnel at the end of games while I know I can’t have the same with you. I mean, is it so much to ask of you to just be there for me? How am I supposed to believe that you want the best for me when you aren’t even acting like it?” he argued.

“‘So was it a win?’” he bitterly recited your earlier question, scoffing at it. “You could have at least Googled the score and pretended like you were keeping up.”

You didn’t know what to say. Your confusion immediately turned into anger and shock — you thought Nolan, out of all people, would have understood your situation. Not being able to wrap your head around his current state of irrationality, it felt like hours passed before you willed yourself to reply.

“I've attend almost every game of yours. I’m sorry I haven’t been so good at that recently, but you know how much I want to do well on this exam,” you seethed. 

You were trying to stay level-headed, but anger consumed any possibility of making the discourse calm. “My life does not revolve solely around your career, and I’m sure as hell not going to always be able to put my life on hold to make sure I know what the scoreboard of every game is.” You couldn’t help but let every one of your words become coated in frustration. You thought everything you were saying was so obvious, and you couldn’t help but become more upset with the fact that you even had to reiterate these points to Nolan.

“Sometimes it feels like I’m not even dating someone,” Nolan dryly responded. “Feels like all you do nowadays is drone on and on about this test. Is this what the rest of our relationship it gonna be like? I mean, I can’t imagine what things are gonna be like once you’re in med school,” he hastily commented, pacing around the kitchen.

Every one of his words felt like a punch to your gut. His words hurt more than your face let on, every instinct in your body asking —no, begging— you to flee your current predicament.

“I don’t know what to say,” you truthfully replied.

“Is there even room for me in your life anymore?” he questioned, adding fuel to the fire. “It feels like I’m always second to your fantasy life as a doctor.”

This was your last straw. Sure, you could have tried to see the validity in his initial argument if you gave yourself time to cool down. But now, it felt like he was mocking you. The same person that made your goals feel attainable was starting to break down your confidence. The confidence that he helped you construct was now crumbling, brick by brick.

“Nolan, you mean so much more to me than that. Please, I would never want you to feel this way, and I know we can work this out we just need to tal-” you were cut off once more.

“I don't know if I can do this anymore,” he cryptically stated, letting your worst fears fester around the kitchen that felt way too cramped now.

“Nol, please,” you pleaded. Your anger immediately shifted to dread.

“I want you to achieve your dreams more than anything, but I don’t know if I see myself in these future plans if this is what the rest of your career is supposed to be like. Do I even have a place in your future plans?” Nolan sighed.

Your stomach dropped. Even though he didn’t explicitly state it, you knew what he was hinting at. It was your career or him, and he was making it clear that having both in your life wouldn’t be feasible. As if he pulled out the last brick, you finally let all of your walls down. Tears freely flowed down your face, as you tried to convince yourself that you were hearing wrong. You wanted to scream it at the top of your lungs. Of course you saw Nolan as part of your future. Hell, he was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. However, his seeming disregard for your career aspirations was off-putting and made you reconsider everything.

Your eyesight, blurry from your tears, tried to focus on the hockey player. Your dejected state urged you to reason with him, but you were unsure of what to do.

“Please, Nolan. Please don’t make me choose,” you pleaded. In comparison to your vulnerable state, Nolan was composed. It was as if he rehearsed this, his blank stare void of emotion. You tried to come closer to him, but his body language told you that your touch wasn’t welcome.

“I don’t have to,” Nolan pushed himself off the counter, “The fact that you don’t already know your answer already tells me what I need to know,” he stated. Grabbing his keys off the kitchen counter, he headed to the front door before you could gather your emotions and form words.

Your anger, confusion, and hurt seemed to weigh you down, gluing your feet to the ground. As much as you wanted to stop his exit from the apartment, your body kept you in place. With a second slam of the front door, the gust of wind from the heavy door whiffled through your long-forgotten textbook, the sound of the pages ruffling mocking you. The silence following Nolan’s exit was deafening. You never thought Nolan would make you choose between your relationship with him and your career. You thought you knew a lot of things about life, really, but this was certainly something you were not prepared for.

Your world was spinning, orbiting into a field of anguish and heartbreak. As if your brain hadn’t quite registered the turn of events, you almost thought about calling for Nolan until you were cruelly reminded that reaching for him was no longer an option. Your rock was gone, and you were lost.