#Sometimes my mind scares me but now nearly as much as Dean's mind does

[the-dormant-ocean]

Dean, with the voice of a brother fucker who always wanted to fuck his car: Okay, Sammy. Hear me out-

Sam, who was turned into the Impala by Gabriel: No.

Dean: I SAID HEAR ME OUT!

[sortasirius]

Dean Winchester be like:

I hate myself because it’s what my father taught me to do.  I hate myself because it’s a defense mechanism.  I use sarcasm to cover up the fact that I believe I am worthless.  I raised my brother into a good man, that’s the only good I’ve ever done.  I’ve saved some people, they don’t say thank you, but that’s okay.  I wish I could have been the man my father wanted me to be.  I break everything I touch.  All the people I love I end up killing or leaving me.  I am broken.  I don’t do romantic love, it’s asking for me to get my heart broken, more broken than it already is.  I sold my soul to a demon so I could save my brother, because he’s the best thing I ever did, the only good thing.  I’m afraid to go to Hell, but I pretend I’m not, because what’s the alternative? 

Hell proved that I was the person I always knew I was, a bad person, willing to torture to get out of pain.  I met an angel, he’s not like I thought.  He’s a soldier, like me, he’s taking orders from a father he can’t see.  He starts out as an ally, but he’s different than the others, they say he likes me.  He’s awkward, he stands too close to me sometimes.  I started the Apocalypse because I wasn’t strong enough.  My brother is going down the wrong path, and I don’t know how to stop it.  The angels tell me Lucifer has to rise, but the one that pulled me out of Hell disobeys to help me stop it.  I think I should consider him a friend.  Lucifer rises anyway. 

The angel is on the run from Heaven, he’s a good guy, I like him a lot, more than I think I should.  I don’t know what to do, if I say yes to Michael, we can save some people.  Maybe I’ll get to know peace, maybe my father will be proud of me then.  The angel and my brother are angry at me, but I’ve always been a coward, they just don’t know it.  But they know me best, I can’t say yes to Michael if it means disappointing them. 

My brother goes to the cage with Lucifer and Michael, the angel disappears, and I’m left to pick up the pieces, living a life I feel like I stole from somebody else.  I always sleep with a gun and holy water under the bed, even though I know every entrance is secure.  My brother comes back, but he’s different now, he’s not the same, I should have looked for him.  I feel guilty.  We found out his soul is gone, his soul, his soul.  The angel is back, but he’s no real help.  I kill myself to speak to Death, who brings back his soul in exchange for me playing Death, where I learn a few hard lessons. 

I find out the angel has been working with our enemies.  Why does it feel like my heart is broken when he won’t meet my eyes?  I leave him to the demons, but not before one last look.  I’m not sure why.  The idiot, he ends up dying trying to get souls from Purgatory, desperate to win his war in Heaven.  Why does everyone leave me?  The Leviathan are out there, a new threat.  At least I know how to kill, so I won’t have to think about the muddy trenchcoat in the trunk of my car.  I lose the closest thing I have to a father with a bullet to the brain.  I feel like I’m spinning out of control.  My brother loses his mind.  The angel comes back, he doesn’t recognize me, that hurts.  When he does remember me, I tell him we need him, but I really mean that I do. 

I get sent to Purgatory, I meet a vampire turned ally turned new best friend, but I won’t leave without the angel, I can’t leave without the angel.  We find him, he was running from me, why does everyone run from me?  We make it out of Purgatory, the angel gets left behind.  It turns out my brother didn’t look for me.  Why am I so dispensable?  The vampire is the only one I can trust now.  I dream about the angel, about the way I couldn’t save him.  I feel like I can’t save anyone these days.  I see the angel in the air around me, am I going crazy?  But then he shows up behind me, why do I care so much about him?  I don’t even care where he came from, as long as he’s here.  My brother takes on trials, they start to hurt him.  We find a place to call home.  I’ve never had my own bedroom before.  The angel is distant, I wish I could reach him.  He doesn’t answer my prayers.  He and I find the angel tablet, he hits me.  I tell him I need him, never able to tell him that I think I might love him too.  He snaps out of it then walks out of my life again.  I wish I was lovable.  I almost lose my brother to the trials, he has to know I can’t lose him, he’s all I’ve got.  The angels fall, I wonder about my angel, if he’s alright. 

My brother is dying, and I make a deal with an angel to save him.  My angel says he’s a good guy, and I’m too desperate to vet him properly.  I watch my angel, now a human, die in front of me, the angel in my brother saves him, it’s one of the only times I’ve ever put someone else over my brother.  I feel guilty about that.  I have to kick my angel out, it tears me in half to do it, but I have to protect my brother.  I watch the angel from a gas station window, I try to find the courage to go see him.  I use humor to hide how much I miss him.  My brother finds out about the angel, which cost the life of a kid I was supposed to protect, he’s so angry at me.  Well, I deserve it this time.  I take the Mark of Cain to defeat Abaddon, it can’t be all that bad.  I start to lose my grip on myself.  My angel gives up an army for me, and it’s the closest I feel to being me in months. My brother and my angel try to stop it, but it’s too late.  I die in my brother’s arms.

I wake up with black eyes.  I don’t care about anyone, anything.  There’s a tiny part of me that’s screaming to wake up, but I drown him out easily enough.  My brother finds me, says he wants to cure me.  I don’t want it, I don’t want to be me, not feeling is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  They do cure me though, my brother and my angel, and waking up from the blackness is like surfacing from deep water.  For a while, I feel loved.  But after what I did, I don’t feel like I deserve it.  I’m still not me, and when my friend, who I loved like a sister is taken, I go off the deep end again. It’s too easy, but violence is all I know.  The angel tries to stop me.  I have him where I want him, a blade to the heart and this is all over.  But I still can’t kill him, I still can’t kill the angel.  Death tells me I have to kill my brother.  I almost do it.  But killing Death releases me, and I’m me again.  Sometimes I still wish I wasn’t.

I have this connection to this Darkness.  It scares the hell out of me.  I wish I understood it, I wish I could stop it.  Am I pulled towards the Darkness because I, myself, am darkness?  Is it because I am, because I’ve always been bad?  I lose the angel to Lucifer himself, how did I not notice until it was too late?  Why would he leave me like this?  Will I ever get him back?  My head is foggy around the Darkness, but not when it comes to him.  I just wish I could get through to him.  Lucifer taunts me, my heart rips in half.  We get the angel back, but nothing good can last in this life, can it?  God himself returns, I have to sacrifice myself to stop the Darkness.  I’ll do it, because of course I will, if I have an opportunity to do some good, I’ll take it.  The Darkness doesn’t kill me.  She thanks me.

My mother is alive.  It’s everything I’ve always wanted.  I have to learn fast that she’s not what I thought.  That’s hard.  Me and my brother end up in prison for trying to kill Lucifer, and we find out this girl is going to have his kid.  How will we kill someone innocent?  I can’t think about that, I’m a killer, I’ll kill if i have to.   The angel kills a reaper to save me, but what will happen to him?  We start looking for this kid, but do we even want to find it?  The angel nearly dies for me, he tells me, my family he loves us.  I wish I could tell him the same, but the words won’t work right in my brain, so I do what I always do, I look away.  The angel finds the girl, but the kid inside her gets to him, and he runs away from me.  Why does everyone run from me?  We find them just in time to find a rift to another world, and my brother has to drag me away from the angel, who is going to sacrifice himself to kill Lucifer.  He comes back, but before I can say the words I’ve been holding onto for so long, he dies in front of me, only this time, it’s real.  My mom is taken from me too, and I’m left by the angel’s side, staring up at the sky, wondering why, why me?

I bury the angel, my brother insists we can’t kill the kid, even though it’s his fault my mom is gone and the angel is...  I beg God to bring him back, please, bring him back.  You owe me this, please bring him back.  He doesn’t listen.  I’m alone.  We burn the angel, and I try to learn to live with regret and grief and crippling pain all at once.  I hate the kid, this is his fault.  I kill myself again to save some souls, but also because I want to die this time.  I can’t take it anymore.  Death tells me I have work to do, but how much more work can there be?  How much more can I take?  It’s like the Universe reads my mind, because my angel comes back, and it’s like the last few weeks haven’t happened.  I still can’t say the words, but maybe this time I’ll get there.  Maybe this time.  We go to the other world, we save some people, I find my mom.  I let another Michael from the other world possess me to defeat Lucifer, but then I can’t expel him.  Before he shuts me in my memories, I am desperately afraid.

My brother and the angel find me in my own head, the snap me out of it.  I should have known this bar was too good for me, I knew I didn’t deserve it.  I shut Michael in there, but I know I won’t last long. I think I’m too weak to hold him, so I build a box designed to hold me forever.  I dream about it, claw the sides of the wall until my nails are bloody, but if it’s my eternity or Michael’s rule?  I’ll take the ocean every time.  The angel will always try to save me, I still can’t say the words.  The kid, my kid, he destroys Michael, but something is wrong, and I don;t realize until it’s too late.  My mother is dead, at the hands of the kid, and I have never been angrier.  I hate the kid again, I hate the angel too, I hate myself more.  I pull a gun on the kid, but I still can’t pull the trigger.  Sometimes I wish I could put it to my own head.  God comes back, turns out he was the villain all along.  Typical.  He kills our kid.  I can’t let myself feel.

The angel tries to convince me that we’re real.  How can I believe that?  Is everything I am just a story?  Have I ever chosen anything?  Does the angel really care about me?  Do I really care about him?  Another one of our friends dies.  I blame the angel, I push him away, because I can’t look at him if I think what I feel for him might not be real.  I meet up with someone I loved.  He’s a monster now, I have to kill him.  He dies holding me.  I wish I was dead sometimes too.  My brother is sick, he gets kidnapped by God.  I’m spinning in circles.  Me and the angel end up in Purgatory again.  He gets taken from me.  I’m so alone, so scared, I break down in the one place I could get lost in forever searching for the angel, I don’t want to leave him, please, don’t make me leave him.  I have to keep looking, get back to the real world to save my brother.  How will I choose?  Thank god, or, whatever, I find the angel.  I’ll tell him this time, but he stops me.  He must know.  He doesn’t want me, no one wants me.  Why would they?  Chuck has taken everything from me.  I have to kill him, no matter the cost.  The cost is gonna be our kid, raised from the dead by Death.  I guess the one thing we have going for us is we don’t stay dead for long.  I’m ready to let my kid die for my freedom.  My brother stands in the way, I pull a gun on him.  He talks me down, he’s the only one that can.  I decide to take it out on Death, my pain, my anger, my rage.  I take the angel and we find her, she chases us.  Another trap.  I realize that I’ve trapped us both.  Why am I so worthless?

The angel looks at me.  He smiles.  He tells me how worthy I am, that I’m good, that I changed him.  How can I tell him how he changed me.  He tells me he’ll die for loving me.  Then he shouldn’t, I’m not worth his life.  Don’t leave me, please, I can’t lose you, you don’t know what it does it me when you leave me.  He tells me he loves me.  I try to tell him a fraction of the things I feel for him, but it’s too late.  He’s taken before my eyes, and this time I know there’s no getting him back.

I’m left on the floor, unable to move.

This time I know, I’ll never let myself love again, because my heart is so shattered that it’s powdered, there’s no repairing it now.  I’ve always been broken, but this time I’m not just broken: I’m destroyed.

[hoziersong]

for @emeraldcas follower celebration!

day 1 - prompt: words unspoken

1.3k words

read below or on ao3

Tonight, Dean's brain has decided it's the perfect time for a little screening of Everything I Regret Saying (Or Not Saying) To The Love Of My Life.

Dean's not good with words. Never has been. Sometimes when he was a kid, he'd spend days without talking. By now, he's figured he just has to show instead of tell, otherwise he'll send every relationship he has flying off a cliff simply because he doesn't know how to say what he's thinking.

With Sammy it got easier eventually. He's learned to understand him without words, to know what he's thinking, how he's feeling. Dean's sure Sam knows how much he loves him, even if he rarely tells him. He's very grateful for that.

With Cas, though, things are different. It's not that he's better with words, it's actually the opposite. He wants to tell him so much stuff that he ends up not saying anything he truly wants to. And then they end up hurting each other, because neither of them knows their way with words. If there was a prize for miscommunication, they'd certainly win first place.

So, every time Dean says something wrong, he feels like a teenager with an embarrassing crush, mulling over his own words, regretting them even years after having said them. It's like an endless cycle of self-loathing, which he's an expert on.

Sometimes it's not even his long, big speeches that have the most meaning behind them, but the little sarcastic quips here and there, or the small, quiet sentences spoken in moments of uncertainty. Those are the ones that rewrite themselves in his heart, like lines of a poem carved in stone.

"Cas, we've talked about this. Personal space." I want you to be close to me all the time but I'm scared you'll just want to walk away.

"Morning, sunshine. Want some coffee?" I love that you're here. This is your home.

"I'd rather have you. Cursed or not." There is nothing that could ever change the fact that I love you.

"I need you." I love you no matter what.

"Of course I forgive you." I never wanted you to leave.

Then there's a look of sorrow, or a hug, a pat on the shoulder, a mixtape...

There's always something, and yet that something never seems to be the words that have been lodged in his throat all through the past decade.

Holding the weight of his regrets, Dean lays back on his memory foam mattress and stares at the ceiling. He pictures Cas' eyes from memory. The way they droop when he's tired, and sparkle when he's curious. The way they squint when he's angry or thoughtful, almost cartoonish. I love him, he thinks, with an ironic chuckle. I love him, and I'm never gonna be able to tell him.

Just as he's about to start round two of his self-loathing ritual, there's a knock on the door.

"Yeah, come in."

Cas walks in, wearing a pair of Dean's plaid pajama pants and a Zepp t-shirt. He's holding two steaming mugs that carry the smell of ginger, and his hair is all over the place.

"What's so funny?" Cas asks when Dean starts laughing.

"Dude, you look like a hedgehog."

Cas does not seem to be happy about Dean's comparison, judging by the squint of his eyes. But that just makes it funnier, so Dean smiles deviously at him until the angry facade is gone, replaced by soft, ocean-blue eyes.

"Dean, it's four in the morning. Why are you not sleeping?"

"Well, I could ask you the same thing."

Cas sighs. "I was making some tea." He says, handing one of the mugs to Dean. It warms up his hands when he holds it.

"At the crack of dawn? Sounds like someone's got a bad case of insomnia." He says it like it's a joke, but he's worried. Again, not good with words.

"Yeah. Maybe I do." Cas says in a raspy voice.

Before regretting it, Dean pats the spot beside him two times, signaling for Cas to sit down. Cas walks the short steps towards the bed and sits down slowly, careful not to spill his scalding tea mug on himself. Then, he lays his head back against the headboard and closes his eyes.

Because Dean has no self-control, he scoots closer to the former angel and stares. His eyes trace the slope of his nose and the curve of his eyelashes, and the way his jawline is pointing upwards. He suddenly gets the urge to trace it with his fingers, to feel the stubble growing there. A wave of longing hits him like it's done a thousand times before, and he does nothing to stop it.

A second later, Cas' breath startles Dean out of his internal thinking. That's when he realizes how close their faces actually are. His first instinct is to move away, maybe say some joke about personal space, but he finds himself unable to move an inch. Cas is just watching him intently and shamelessly, and it occurs to Dean that maybe he's not the only one who likes to observe his best friend like he's a renaissance painting.

Since his body has decided to become a full-time statue, all Dean can do is stare at the wooden headboard next to Cas' face. Then he clears his throat quietly and replaces what he wants to say with something else, the way he always does.

"Maybe you could, um, stay here. Y'know, to help with your sleeping problems. A different mattress might, um. It might help."

Cas takes a little while to answer, long enough for Dean to start panicking. But when he's about deflect his offer with a joke or a change of topic, Cas nods. They're still close enough that his hair tickles Dean's forehead when he moves his head.

"Yeah. It might help." Cas says, matching Dean's small, tense tone of voice.

Dean's brain stopped working the minute Cas sat on his bed, but the rest of his body doesn't seem to have gotten the memo. It's moving on its own, and a second later, his forehead is touching Cas'. He feels electricity run through it, like his skin is made of lightning. If Cas weren't human now, Dean wouldn't dismiss that possibility. Dean does his best work to assess the situation, but all he's coming up with is a repetitive whisper of Cas' name inside his otherwise empty head. He does the one thing he's never been able to do, which is voice his exact thoughts out loud.

"Cas..." he whispers, feeling their breaths mix together.

Cas has always been braver than him, so he's the one who closes the gap. He presses his lips against Dean's, so ghost-like and soft that he's not sure it's real. To test that theory, Dean's brain finally restarts with a jolt, and then he's pushing forward, deepening the kiss, which he's now sure is actually happening.

Cas returns the kiss like he's been drowning for ages and can finally breathe again. The electricity Dean felt when their foreheads touched is dialed up to a hundred where their lips are sliding against each other, like tiny little fireworks exploding against his skin. Despite the surreal feeling of kissing the man he's been in love with for ages, it also feels like home. Cas tastes like ginger and honey, and that cherry chapstick Dean bought for him at the grocery store.

Dean traces Cas' jawline with his thumb the way he was imagining just a few minutes earlier, which pulls a sigh out of him. The stubble tickles his skin, and it feels so good he thinks he might explode. A million words unspoken fly through Dean's mind, but he doesn't need any of them at the moment.

They break the kiss to take air, but their foreheads stay in place, aligned with each other perfectly. Cas smiles, and it's nearly blinding. I love you, Dean thinks, except this time, he's sure he'll be able to tell him in the future.

[calaofnoldor]

Drug of Choice

Characters: Dean x Reader (gender neutral)

Words: 3,790

Summary: A night of drunken rambling leads to an unexpected change in your relationship status.

Warnings: angst, language, alcohol, feelings of inadequacy, very slight allusions of alcoholism/talk of drug addiction, reader likes the sound of their voice a bit too much when drunk, fluff, implied smut

A/N: written for @deanwanddamons 1st blogiversary and 2k follower celebration challenge! my prompt was “I wish I knew how to quit you“ which is bolded in the fic. congrats on the incredible milestone, sorry this is late! also for @spnfluffbingo and it fills the mood board square for @girl-next-door-writes‘ Make Me Feel Bingo challenge!

Square Filled: Kissed to Keep Quiet

MASTERLIST

It was four in the morning when Dean finally came home, and the bottle of Jack Daniels that sat before you atop the library table was over a quarter of the way through.

The heavy thud of his boots against the bunker floor drew your dark-adjusted eyes toward his shadowy figure, while the alcohol in your bloodstream loosened your lips, "How was she?"

"Jesus- Fuck!" There was a slight commotion before the lights flickered on, forcing your eyes to shut against the onslaught of sudden brightness. "Y/N??” Dean’s gruff, alarmed voice shattered the previously eerie silence, “What the hell are you doing sitting in the dark by yourself?"

Your eyelids lifted an experimental sliver but you kept your gaze directed down at the glass of whiskey in your hands. "It wasn't dark when I started."

Dean narrowed his eyes when he noticed the slur behind your words. "Started what? Are you drunk?"

His second question prompted a dismissive snort from you, "Hunters can't get drunk; you should know that by now, Dean."

"Yeah alright, we need to get you to bed." The man of your dreams began to make his way over to you until your gravelly words ceased his steps.

"I can't sleep... you haven't answered my question yet."

"What question?"

"How was she?"

"Who?"

You looked at him like he was crazy, "You know, the girl from the bar, the one with the curly hair… the one that was climbing onto your lap when I left?"

"I don't- there was no girl," Dean stumbled. His lips were parted and his eyebrows pulled together in an ever-gorgeous expression of bewilderment, but you were too busy examining the way the newfound light danced along the lustrous amber liquid between your fingers to notice.

"Oh," you grumbled in response, sounding a bit disappointed, which only served to deepen those adorable lines of confusion between Dean’s brows. "She sure was pretty though.” There was a pause as you pondered his declaration before blurting out in disbelief, “You really didn't fuck her in the back of Baby?"

"What- No! Y/N, there was never a girl and nothing happened, OK?" He sounded genuinely serious, so you conceded.

"I'm sorry."

"Why- why are you sorry?"

"I know you needed to blow off some steam after today, after I pissed you off by fucking up the hunt." You ventured a glance up at him through your lashes and the unadulterated pain in your eyes almost had Dean reeling back in surprise.

"What are you talking about? You didn't 'fuck up' the hunt," he argued, shaking his head as if to accentuate his point.

"Course I did. I got you hurt and I nearly let that dickbag get away."

A weighted sigh escaped Dean, "Y/N, you have to know that wasn’t your fault, and it’s not like you haven’t done the same thing for me. Besides, I wasn’t pissed off, I was... I was scared, OK?”

You were about to take another sip of your drug of the night when you lowered your glass to let the irrepressible giggle leave your system, “Scared? Since when does the big bad Dean Winchester get scared? And if he did, he definitely wouldn’t be talking about it out loud. Are you sure you’re not the one who’s been drinking?”

“I mean, I have been drinking but that’s beside the point. Look, Y/N, why don’t we talk about this tomorrow, alright? You’ve just gotta sleep this off.”

"Pft. This isn't something I can just sleep off. Trust me, I've tried." There was a tickle in your throat that alerted you of the oncoming word vomit, but your friend Mr. Daniels seemed to be gaining complete control of your tongue; it was all he was ever good for really, “I’ve also tried drinking it away, but clearly that doesn’t work either. There’s just- so much- of it, of you… and now, now you’re in me-“ Dean’s eyes went wide but you were no longer at liberty to stop, “and I can’t get you out. Sometimes I don’t even think I want to. But I don’t think I can keep going like this any longer either… all this waiting, and wondering, and watching.” Some fragment of sobriety within you recognized how ridiculous and melodramatic you sounded and it gave you enough sense to avoid eye contact with the subject of you’re alcohol-induced speech, as if that could help you elude further embarrassment.

“OK, you’ve gotta slow down, Y/N/N. What the hell are you talking about?” At this point, Dean had moved to take the seat across from you, subtly sliding the bottle of Jack out of your reach as he sat down.

A mirthless laugh was your reply, "Of course you don’t know. Why would you?“

“What does that mean? Why wouldn’t I? Y/N, what’s going on?”

But you ignored his questions and answered with one of your own, “Why am I never enough? You know what, don't answer that; that was a rhetor- rhetor…”

“Rhetorical?”

“Yes!” you exclaimed, flailing your index finger in his direction, “Yes, that’s the word. See, even your brain is too good for me.”

“What- why would you say that? Y/N, you know that’s not true. And why do you think you’re never enough? You’re plenty enough.” Concern now painted Dean’s features. He hated seeing you this way, broken and depressed, trying to drown your feelings in whiskey; he’d figured that was his trademark amongst the bunker residents. And he couldn’t understand how someone as incredible as you would think themselves unworthy of anything. Whichever son of a bitch made you feel this way would pay, Dean swore it.

“Then how come you never pick me?” you countered simply, deciding it was finally time to call out his hypocrisy.

The accusation floored Dean. He scooted back in his seat as he stared at you with a slack jaw, utter perplexity swirling within his emerald eyes. Over the years, Dean had garnered an inkling that you felt some kinda way about him, but he never really let himself believe, and not once did he think he could be hurting you. On the contrary, he always figured it was his own hopeful heart playing tricks on him. Even now, he wasn’t entirely sure he was hearing you correctly, or that your drunken state could be trusted, though he remembered you once told him that you were always the most honest version of yourself when you drank, whiskey in particular.

“I watch you go out with waitress after bartender after waitress, but I’ve been here the whole time, and you never consider me. It’s like I don’t even exist, like I’m not even an option, like I could never even help you scratch that itch, at least not as good as any barfly across the Midwest could.” You were aware that this was getting out of hand, but you couldn’t seem to find the brakes. “But that’s not even the real problem – I mean, sure, a roll around the hay with you would probably be mind-blowing as fuck – but it would never solve the root of it, never be enough for me.”

Dean had been studying you meticulously as you spoke, your words starting a fire to the embers of his soul, breathing life into a long-forgotten hope that brought him both joy and fear. “What would? Be enough for you, I mean?” His tone took on a raw sultriness that matched the intense, borderline predatory glaze of his eyes. Needless to say, Dean hadn’t expected your sardonic laughter to fill the air, and your sudden frenzied, carefree state certainly took him off guard.

“Nothing!” you laughed, “I don’t think anything will ever be enough for me! C-cause you’re like this drug that I’m hooked on and it’s just so fucking hard to get off… I mean, it’s also hard to get off without you now, or thoughts of you anyway...” Your tangent was quickly overcome when you remembered the topic of your initial spiel, “But it’s like everything about you draws me in! From the way you reference classic literature even though I’ve never seen you pick up a book that’s not about lore, to the way you rebuild Baby from scratch like it’s no big deal, to the way you’re so good with kids even though you never got to be one yourself, to the dumb way you bottle up all your feelings and never let them see the light of day yet still manage to do so much good in the world, t-to the way you get excited over classic rock and crappy horror movies and pie, and don’t even get me started on the way you love Sam! I mean, it’s just all of it! It’s your strength and perseverance through literal hell, it’s your huge fucking heart despite the mask of swagger and charm, it’s that stupid grin you get when you make a dumb joke and Sam rolls his eyes at you, it’s just those god damn lips in general! And then you walk around looking like that!?” you gestured wildly at all of him, “I mean, who gave you the right?!”

Dean looked like he was about to respond, but you cut him off. There really was no stopping your tirade now, “I’m like an addict who can never get enough, and when you leave, I get feelings of withdrawal, and I don’t know how to fucking deal with those either… You’re so deeply ingrained in me; I don’t think I’ll ever be able to flush you out of my system. And I just-“ you took a rare pause to heave a large breath before admitting quietly, “I wish I knew how to quit you. I really do, because as much as I love you, and trust me, it’s a whole fucking lot – God, does it feel good to finally say that out loud – but for every ounce of love that I have for you, for every bit of you that I’ve inhaled, it hurts just as much. Because you don’t feel the same, and you never will, and I don’t blame you, because you’re Dean fucking Winchester and you could have whoever you want with just a wink and half a smile, and you deserve to have whoever you want-”

“Are you done?” Dean was quick to latch onto the brief respite in your monologue, “Fuck, Y/N, you really have no idea what you do to me, do you? What you are to me?” His head shook in disbelief while his troubled green eyes searched yours.

“What I am to you? I’m your hunting buddy, Dean. The one you call when you need an extra hand with a vamp nest or an extra set of eyes to scour the books, the one who stays up with you when you have nightmares about the souls you tortured in hell, the one you sing rock songs out of tune in the car with, just never the one you go to for a booty call,” you finished with a bitter laugh.

Dean’s head had never ceased it’s shaking, even as he got up and walked around the table towards you. “Only because you’re worth so much more than that. Y/N, you deserve so much more than me.”

It was your turn to shake your head. How typical, you thought as you rolled your eyes and stood up to meet his eye line, “Don’t give me that bullshit, Dean. I know you’re trying to let me down easy and that’s nice of you and all, but you can’t fool me. I know you too well, Dean Winchester, and I know there’s no way in hell that- Mmf!“ The rest of your words were intercepted by Dean’s lips on yours.

The feeling was unexpected but not at all unwelcome. There was an urgent force behind the kiss as he pushed his mouth against yours with gentle yet firm ferocity, bracing your head with large hands cupping both sides. It felt as if he was desperately trying to convey a message to you, to disprove your woeful words of self-pity, or perhaps he just wanted you to shut up. You, of course, responded with tremendous enthusiasm regardless of his intent, grasping blindly at his forearms while slotting your tongue and lips around his in an increasingly frantic manner. You didn’t care if the kiss wasn’t good for him; this might be your only chance to take what you need from Dean Winchester, if only a tiny fraction of it.

When he finally pulled back, you were both panting for air. Dean still held your head in both hands as he leaned forward to rest his forehead upon yours. “Dammit, I shouldn’t have done that; you’re drunk... Do you at least believe me now?”

A slight grimace contorted Dean’s features as his mind was suddenly bombarded by a multitude of conflicted thoughts and feelings, feelings of desire and regret and bliss and unease, but when he caught the dazed look in your eyes, Dean made up his mind, “Ah, what the hell, you’re probably not gonna remember much of this anyway. Look, Y/N, you’re wrong. I do feel the same way about you; I have pretty much ever since I saw that magnificent ass of yours.” Pausing to chuckle at his own words, Dean licked his lips, still able to taste the whiskey from yours.

“The only reason I fucked around with those other people was because I couldn’t stand not being able to have you,” he continued through closed eyes and gritted teeth before filling his chest with a deep breath, “Like today, when I saw that fucking werewolf come at you, I nearly lost it. The thought of anything happening to you scares me shitless, and I didn’t know how to process that feeling, so I let that girl at the bar get close. I was trying to fill the hole you created but it was pointless cause in the end, just like every other time, I couldn’t go through with it. Every time I try to forget about you, your face shows up in my head,” he growled in that low, throaty tone that always seemed to reverberate down to your nether regions.

“But I- I wasn’t lying when I said you deserve more than me. Y/N, you know me. I’m a broken, twisted, shell of a man. I’m-“

“Poison, I know,” you finally lifted your head away from his so that you could look directly into his dazzling eyes. Dean’s hands slid down along your neck and landed on your shoulders while yours remained on his forearms, not willing to lose all contact. “I know what you’re gonna say. You think you’re poison, that being with you puts a target on my back, that loving you is a death sentence… Did I get that right?”

Dean gave you a miniscule nod and a look of resignation as he reluctantly released you from his hold, forcing you to let go as well when he took a large step back. You suddenly felt extremely sober, the effects of the alcohol and that kiss all wearing off instantaneously, “And you hate yourself. No one hates you more than you, Dean.” Your voice was hardly a whisper now, “But that’s OK, cause I hate myself too, for never being able to make you realize that you are so much more than you give yourself credit for, that you deserve all the things you think you can’t have, that you can have them all and still be Dean Winchester.”

You watched as Dean’s eyes began to water and when a single tear rolled down his cheek, you couldn’t hold yourself back anymore. Approaching him as slowly as you would a nervous animal out of its natural habitat, you stopped directly before him before cautiously raising your arm to wipe the offending tear away with your thumb. Your eyes seemed to be locked in a silent exchange of colossal magnitude, expressing everything mere words could not, from harrowing regret to agonizing self-inflicted torment to desperate desire. It was the yearning in his shimmering eyes that gave you the courage to speak your next words, a runaway tear of your own joining the whispered plea, “Please, let me show you.”

When your eyes fluttered open the next day, they were greeted with the most beautiful sight you'd ever awoken to. Dean’s face was barely a foot away from yours, and the man himself was already awake, staring directly at you. He was lying on his back with his head turned towards you, while your body was twisted to face his. A bedside lamp was on, allowing you to marvel at the breathtaking perfection in front of you, and despite the booze having long since evacuated from your veins, your mouth still imparted the first thing that came to your mind, “You know, I've always wanted to count your freckles,” you murmured honestly, “Maybe map them out like tiny constellations so I can memorize them better, so that one day I could trace them even with my eyes closed.” Your fingertips moved of their own accord as you spoke, gliding softly over his cheeks and across the ridge of his perfect nose.

Dean caught your hand in his and kissed it repeatedly as his magical olive eyes continued to bore into yours, never once leaving your face. His pouty lips curved into the slightest smile as if he were afraid to rear hope yet couldn't fight the peaceful thrill you were bringing him by simply lying next to him. “You’re not still drunk, are you?”

“Not unless it counts to be drunk on you… Sorry, that sounded a lot less cheesy in my head.” You cringed but Dean’s smile broadened.

“And no hangover?”

“No, I told you, hunters can’t-“

“Get drunk. Yeah, I heard. So does that mean you remember everything?”

“I don’t think I could forget that kiss if I wanted to; my brain wouldn’t let me.” You glanced down at his gorgeous mouth before meeting his gaze again, “I meant it all, you know? Everything I said was the truth. Every word.” You moved your thumb to graze his lower lip and he puckered his lips to kiss it.

“So did I, every word… Especially the part about that sweet ass of yours.” The hand that wasn’t holding yours roamed down to grab at your butt cheek with a hefty yet tender squeeze, causing you to squeal in delight. When you settled down, he moved your hand to place it above his heart, “You know I’m no good at chick flick moments, but you can trust me when I say I’m addicted to you too.”

The sincerity in his voice sent butterflies through your stomach and your smile felt invincible. “I hope you know that when I called you a ‘drug’ I didn’t mean it in a derogatory way. Some drugs are good for you. Some drugs can save your life,” you whispered as you fisted lightly at the soft cotton of his t-shirt.

“I wouldn’t go that far, sweetheart.”

“Isn’t that what you did yesterday?” Dean was about to retort but you sent him a raised brow and a look that said ‘don’t test me, I’ve got loads more evidence where that came from’ so he simply looked down with a small grin. “Does it still hurt?” You motioned to the white bandage on his shoulder where the werewolf had scratched him up yesterday when he jumped in front of you.

Dean shook his head, “Right now I can hardly feel it. Actually, it hasn’t hurt at all since I kissed you.”

The corners of your mouth lifted some more at his words. “See, that’s what I mean. To me, you’re like coffee on an early morning, morphine when I’m hurting, tranquilizers when I’m freaking out, Zoloft when the world’s got me down, mixed with a shot of ecstasy, and quite possibly the most potent form of Viagra known to mankind.” You might have lingered a moment to chuckle at your own joke, thinking ‘it’s funny cause it’s true’. Dean belted a guffaw himself and you were quite pleased as you continued, “You’re everything I’ve ever needed, all wrapped up in one beautiful, self-loathing man.” You stroked his stubbled jaw and caressed his cheek, letting your words waft softly across the distance between you, hoping he could sense the veracity within them, “And I just want you to let me love you, let me get high on you, so I can show you how good you are. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

A wave a sadness flowed through Dean and he lowered his gaze from yours. “This could end bloody.”

“I know,” you nodded, “But it’s so much better than the alternative... It was getting a bit too hard to bear, even if you were only eye fucking all those other suitors. Besides, if it means I get to kiss you whenever I want, it’ll be worth it. And if it means I get a chance to prove to you how worthy you are, then it’ll be more than worth it.”

“I was only staying away because I wanted to protect you from me, but I didn’t realize it was hurting you. I never wanted to cause you pain; Y/N, I need you to know that.” Dean’s warm, calloused palm ran up your arm, it’s gentleness in stark contrast to his fierce tone, while yours continued to cup his cheek.

Astounded by the passion behind his words and the utter beauty of his face, you whispered in awe, “How are you so perfect?” Seeing the cogs begin to turn in his brain, you quickly moved your index finger to press against his plush lips, “Shh, just let me say it. Baby steps, Dean.”

He took your finger and guided your arm to wrap around his wide shoulders, careful of his injury, then reached out to pull you snugly towards him until your bodies were completely flush, your chest heaving against his. “Well do we have to take baby steps with everything? Cause now that I’ve finally got you in my bed, I was kinda hoping you’d let me take you for a spin in it. Maybe find out if it’s really – how did you put it again? – ‘mind blowing as fuck’ I believe were your words?” That signature smirk of his that always brought you to your knees came out to play.

Your laughter fanned across his face, and the smile on your face was effervescent, “You really are one hell of a drug, Dean Winchester.”

thank you for reading! as always, feedback is marvelously appreciated!

TEAM IDJITS: @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @carryonmywaywardbucky​ @swiftlymoniquesblog​ @moosewinchester​ @sams-sass​ @thinkinghardhardlythinking​ @jotink78​ @winifrede​ @writingforthelonelysoul​

TEAM SQUIRREL: @deanwinchesterswitch​ @deandaydreaming​

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

🎁🔥GUESS WHO?🔥🎁

Prompt: Y/N’s first day back to work from her vacation is also coincidentally her birthday, as the day goes by, one mysterious box is placed on her work table. The content of it is a devious surprise and Y/N needs to find out who is the mysterious person who dared to give her such a kinky birthday present.

Word count: Long-ish

Pairing: Roman Reigns x Reader

Warnings: +18, smut, bondage(handcuffs), use of a vibrator, fingering, rough sex, mentions of voyeurism, oral sex (female receiving), dirty talk, cursing.

My Roman lovers: @ziasaph, @reigns-5sos, @mindofasagittaruis

Notes: What a better way to start 2021, then with a Roman kinky fic?! I wish you all a Happy New Year loves, may 2021 be kinder to us all. Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) and if you’re comfortable with it,please let me know what you think? Some feedback is always welcomed and appreciated ❤️You can check out my other stories typing ‘masochist writes’ on the search bar on my page and my newest story as a fixed post.Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

“Happy birthday, to you..” I turn around to the sound of a person singing, just to see Sasha Banks holding a chocolate cupcake and a present bag on her hands.

“Hi Sasha.” I smiled

“Happy birthday babe!” Sasha ran up to me, placing the cupcake on my working table and hugging me tightly.

“Thanks Sasha”

This was my first day back from my vacation, and coincidentally it was also my birthday, so I was excited to see some of the good friends I’ve made while working for the WWE as a chiropractor.

“Here this is for you!” Sasha handed me a present bag.

“Oh Sasha, you really didn’t have to-“

“Shush! I love you, so of course I would pamper you on your birthday” Sasha said as I opened the bag to find a pair of Louboutin’s I had my eyes on for quite sometime, but couldn’t afford it.

“Sasha, are you insane? I can’t accept these! It’s way too expensive!” I gasped

“I am perfectly sane, you will accept these and I don’t care if you think they’re too expensive! I love you, you’re one of my best friends in this company and a human being with a heart made of gold. So if there is someone who deserves these is you” She happily said

“Sasha, I don’t even know how to thank you enough” I whispered with tears on my eyes

“Just say you will be my friend forever babe” She winked

“I don’t need presents to be your friend love”

“That’s why I gave it to you. I don’t care how much they cost, I just want to make my best friend happy on her birthday”

I hugged her and whispered ‘thank you’ on her ear

“So, who else has came here today?” She asked

“Oh! Bayley, Charlotte, Xavier, Kofi, Cesaro, Big E, Alexa, Naomi, Jey, Becky, Seth, Finn, Renee and Dean” I said, listing my close friends

“I was the last one then? Damn it!”

“It’s ok, I know you were busy today love”

“So...no Roman?” She whispered

“No, no Roman” I answered slightly disappointed.

Sasha along with Bayley and Renee were the only 3 people who knew about my stupid crush on Roman Reigns. It’s so stupid of me to think that a man like him would ever look at someone like me.

If he would ever look at someone on this company, it wouldn’t be the thick girl who worked as a chiropractor and yes one of the beautiful toned Divas of this company.

But still I couldn’t help but daydream about having him on top of me.

“Maybe he doesn’t know it’s your birthday?” Sasha tried to make it less uncomfortable

“Really Sasha? He’s friends with Dean! Everybody knows Dean is an open mouth, loud as fuck and can’t keep it to himself not even if his life depended on it...Roman just chose to ignore it, and it’s fine. We’re not close or anything so, I wasn’t expecting him to show up at my office door and fuck me on top of this table” I lied while chuckling weirdly

“Let’s be honest babe, everybody secretly wants Roman Reigns to fuck them on top of a table!” We both laughed at her statement before she continued “It’s his loss anyways babe”

“Yeah I guess so...”

I was making my way back to my office, from the women’s locker room, when a big black box with a golden ribbon called my attention on top of my desk.

“What the hell?” I said as I approached the box carefully. All of my closest friends had already wished me a happy birthday and gave me their presents so this was, to say the least, weird and unexpected.

I saw a blood red card on top of it, so I opened to find the handwritten saying

‘I hope these will make your birthday night unforgettable. Can you guess who’ve bought these for you? ;)’

Ok, that’s pretty fucking weird! I thought

From the corner of my eye I saw Sasha passing by and loudly whispered

“Sasha! Come here”

She entered my office “What’s up girl? Are you ok? You look scared”

I closed my office door and locked, and made my way back to the table by her side.

“Ok, I’m feeling a little paranoid. I just came back to my office to find this box and this card. Here” I handed the card to her and she red silently.

“Did you look what’s inside of it?” Sasha said

“Nope. And to be honest I don’t know if I can..what if it’s like a prank or something?”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out Y/N”

She opened the box, inside of it there was a fancy red paper, I took it out of the way to reveal what was underneath it and I tell you I almost passed out.

Inside the box there was a lavender and purple (my favorite colors) vibrator, it was actually pretty cute...two pairs of handcuffs, lube, nipples clamps and a whip.

“Oh my gosh” Sasha gasped as she took the clamps on one hand and the whip on the other. “Someone wants to get kinky with you girl!” She examined the items carefully

“What in the actual fuck?” I whispered shocked “Give me that!” I took the items out of her hand, shoved back into the box and quickly closed with the black lid.

“Jesus, I can get fired if someone sees that in my office! Who the hell would do that?”

“Someone who wants to get some! And wants it rough” She chuckled

“Sasha it’s not funny! I could not have a job tomorrow morning if someone from the company found these”

“Who do you think did this?” She asked seriously

“How am I supposed to know? I have no fucking clue!”

“Maybe someone who’s name starts with an R...” She smirked

“R?... What ar-... Oh hell no! Nu uh, that’s impossible!” She couldn’t be implying that Roman was behind this, was he? No! Of course not, that’s a dumb thing to think of...but a part of me wished it was him, even though I know it wasn’t.

“Why impossible? You’re a gorgeous woman Y/N! You two would make a beautiful couple, plus, I‘ve seen his handwriting before and I’m pretty sure it’s quite similar to this one” She said as she inspected the card closely.

“Obviously someone wants to make fun out of me, so I’ll just pretend this never happened” I took the card out of her hand and shoved inside the box.

“Or someone has an eye on you for a while and decided to finally make a move”

“Sasha, please don’t tell this to anyone”

“Your secret is safe with me babe. Just promise that when your secret admirer finally show up, you’ll tell me if you guys made a good use of his presents” She laughed

“You’re the worst!” I laughed along

I made my way back to my hotel room later that evening with my hands so full of packages I could barely walk. I opened the door and carefully placed the bags, along with the black box, on the floor.

I went to the bed and sat down on the edge, while I stared at the box.

*Could Sasha be right? Could it be Roman who did this?* Was the only thought that crossed my mind

I decided to forget all about it and take a shower to wash off the day.

As I was rinsing my hair I heard some noise coming from the bedroom

*What the hell was that?*

I blamed on my super active mind and turned the shower off.

I got changed into some clean oversized t- shirt, and went full on commando. I was brushing my damp hair, when I decided to lay out the contents of the black box on the bed.

I roamed my eyes on each item slowly, until they stopped on the lavender and purple happiness. I turned the vibrator on and felt slightly tempted to use it.

*Oh fuck it! Happy birthday to me I guess”

I got rid of the t-shirt and lay down on the bed naked.

I closed my eyes, letting my mind imagine my wet dream, in form of a man... his face, his body, his cock and how I wish I could feel it inside of me, stretching me as I teased my clit with the vibrator.

I moaned Roman’s name and heard someone clear their throat on the foot of the bed. My eyes shot open and my heart nearly stopped beating when I saw who was in front of me. The vision was so unexpected that I even forgot I was naked.

“I see you liked my gift then” He smirked

“Wh- What are you doing here? How did you get inside of my room?” I whispered

“Does it matter?” His eyes had an evil glimpse to it

“Roman... I- I can explain” I begin to stutter

He placed his index finger on his lips in a shh motion and I stopped talking. He hungrily stared at every inch of my naked body, making me feel quite self conscious of the imperfections of it. I grabbed the blanket to cover my nakedness, he notice what I was about to do and yanked the blankets off the bed

“I’ve been waiting for years to see you like this, so don’t you dare cover yourself from me now”

He took off his shirt and pants leaving only his boxers on, from where I was laying I could see the outline of his hard cock and the wet spot of pre cum near of it’s head. He crawled on top of me slowly, like a predator, with dangerous eyes that were glued to my own.

“At first I was only gonna watch you... I wanted to see you pleasure yourself with my gifts, but when I saw your body fully naked on this bed moaning my name” He grunted “I couldn’t control myself, I couldn’t see this” He took the vibrator off my hand and placed on the bed by our side “Having all the fun with you, enjoying every part of your beautiful body, stretching your sweet pussy while my own cock only got to watch, he wants to have his own fun with you baby girl. He wants to make you feel real good” He leaned closer to my face, his lips brushing mine as he asked “Do you want that Y/N? Do you want my cock to make you feel good? Do you want it to stretch you out baby? Do you want it to fuck you hard and rough? Or do you prefer it slow and sweet? Do you want me to fuck you from behind?...Or maybe I should eat you out first huh? Eat that sweet pussy until you’re begging me to stop, I can’t wait to feel you come on my mouth...around my cock,milking it really nice” He growled “Tell me Y/N, what do you want?”

“I want it all, I want everything” I panted as he dry humped me

“Will you let me do whatever I want with you baby girl? What I’ve always wanted to do?”

“Yes”

He smiled satisfied, leaning to kissed me roughly and sloppily as he grabbed both of my wrists into one of his big hands pining it over my head.

“If anything I do bothers you or you feel like your not feeling it or don’t like it, you let me know ok?”

I nodded

“I need words baby girl”

“Yes, I understand”

“Good” He smiled and I felt something cold close around my wrists. I looked up to see the handcuffs around my wrists being closed on the headboard of the bed. Roman sat up and looked down do my naked body at his disposal.

“Fuck, you’re such a gorgeous sight” He said as he palmed his hard cock through his boxers. “I can’t wait to bury my cock deep inside you” He panted

“Roman, please do something” I whispered

His hands roamed the sides of my body until he stopped at my breasts as his hands squeezed them hard while pinching my nipples.

“These were made just for me. Do you see how they perfectly fit my hands? I can only imagine how even more beautiful your breasts will look with my cock sliding in between them” His eyes were glued on my breasts.

I tugged at my handcuffed hands, begging “Roman, please, I need- something”

“Let’s take a look on this pussy...are you wet for me Y/N?”

“Soaked”

He raised his eyebrows “Really? Let‘s see” Two of his fingers slides through my folds “Fuck baby girl, you are soaked. Jesus, we won’t even need lube” His fingers traced lazy circles around my clit, making me moan in pleasure. One callused finger slipped inside of me.

“Oh baby girl, you’re so tight, fuck I will barely be able to move. I can’t wait to feel your sweet little pussy stretch around my cock”

He took his finger out and cleaned with his tongue, humming in pleasure to the taste of my juices.

“You taste amazing, Y/N. Fuck I need more” He slide down my body placing his head between my thighs. His tongue gave a long lick from my entrance to my clit sucking it. Making his way back to my entrance again dipping his tongue inside of me, beginning to fuck me with his tongue.

“Oh my god, Roman, please fuck me! I need you inside of me please” I whined

“As you wish baby” He smirked

He slides his cock through my folds to lube it up, then places the head of his cock at my entrance

“Are you sure about this baby girl? ‘Cause once I start I won’t be able to stop myself”

“Roman, just fuck me already would you?” I said impatiently

He chuckled lightly saying “Easy tiger, we’ll take this slow, I don’t want to hurt you” Roman leaned down to peck my lips and returned to his previous position.

He started to slowly slide inside of me, inch by inch, painfully slow. He’s the biggest man I’ve ever been with, so I knew that we needed to take it slow, but fuck he feels so good I just wish he would roughly thrust into me, so I wiggle my hips to take more of him.

“Fuck Y/N, slow down! You’re too tight and I’m not exactly small, if you keep rushing things you’re gonna end up hurting yourself and I don’t want that”

“I know is just that your cock feels so fucking good, I just want you to fuck me Ro”

“Trust me baby, there’s nothing that I want more then fuck you senseless, but I want you to enjoy it as well ok?” He kissed my nose then my lips

When all of him was finally inside of me we both moaned loudly, I’ve never felt so full before and it was both a dream and a nightmare

“Motherfucker! Jesus fuck Y/N, you’re so fuckin- Oh my god.. I gotta focus ‘cuz I feel like at the slightest move I’ll cum” He pressed his forehead to mine as his thumb slowly traced circles on my clit.

“Roman” I gasped “Please don’t tease me like that, fuck it feels so fucking good” I cried as I felt my walls tighten around him

“Oh fuck!” Roman growled loudly “Don’t do that baby girl, don’t squeeze my cock like that, you’re gonna make m-“

“Move,please” I circled my hips

“Fuck it” He said as he forcefully grabbed my hips and begin to quickly thrust me.

“Oh Roman...harder, I need harder”

“Harder?” He chuckled “Like this?” He pounded into me mercilessly

“Yes! Just like that, oh please, don’t stop” “Fuck Y/N you’re going to get me addicted to you baby girl” He kissed my lips vigorously

“I say we should push you a little further..” Roman took the vibrator from the bed and placed on my clit.

“Ooohhh”

“Fuck, you look so beautiful baby girl, a whimpering mess underneath me”

“Ro- Roman I’m gonna cum”

“Cum baby, I wanna feel you cum around my cock”

And I did. My orgasm was so hard that my juices made a mess on Roman’s thighs and the bedsheets.

“Y/N, fuck baby...so fucking gorgeous, my messy girl” He chuckled “Where do you want me to cum baby?”

“Inside” I panted while I felt another mini orgasm come through me

“Fuck, I’m officially addicted to you baby girl. You’re my wet dream come true...gorgeous face, delicious body, perfect pussy..so tight for me. And on top of it all, you want my cum inside of you?! You are beyond perfect Y/N”

He thrusts into me 3 more times before finally cum, filling me up with his seed.

As we tried to recover our breaths, Roman uncuffed my wrists and placed a sweet kiss into each one.

“You ok baby girl?”

“Mhmm” I hummed

“Did I hurt you? Was I too rough?”

“No, of course not. You were perfect!”

“Good baby” He smiled

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure thing baby”

“Why? Why me?”

“Why not you?” He asked sincerely while he brushed my hair with his fingers

“I don’t know, I can’t picture someone like you with someone like me.. I mean, there are so many beautiful women in the company that fit you better...I’ve never thought you could find me attractive”

“Are you serious? Have you looked yourself in the mirror? You’re gorgeous, so perfect Y/N. Yes, there are beautiful women in the company but they’re nothing compared to you baby. You stand out, exactly because you’re different from all of them. You’re unique”

“Still...I don’t know..”

“Oh so you don’t believe me? Maybe I’ll have to show you then”

I could feel his cock beginning to harden on my thigh

“Show me? How?”

“Well baby girl, good thing there are more items of the box for us to try it huh?”

“Us?”

“Yeah, you don’t really think that I’m gonna let you go right? Now that I’ve tasted you, you’ve got me hooked baby. We’ve got the whole night for me to change your mind about us together. And I bet you that I will” He smirked as he leaned down to kiss my neck...

What a great way to celebrate my birthday 🎁

[keanureevesisbae]

Coach Cavill - Chapter 9

Summary: Before they go to the autumn market, Amelia, Benji, Isabella and Henry have to talk about what happened the day before.

Coach!Henry Cavill x Amelia Jung (Asian ofc)

Wordcount: 6.3k

Warnings: None

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I wake up before the kids do, as I usually do. I mean, maybe it’s a habit that I adopted back in Korea, because in the first fifteen years of my life, I wasn’t able to function properly before ten in the morning. However, during my trainee days and when I was still in Forever Hope, that meant starting the day at six in the morning. You had to eat breakfast, get ready for the day, dance practice, singing lessons, improving my Korean, going to the gym. By the time I moved back, my biological alarm goes off at six a.m. and I always get up then, since I can’t help but to get up early.

This habit comes in very handy, as I’m a mother now.

I take a quick shower, get myself ready for the day and I catch myself putting in extra effort for my appearance. I put on a little blush, put on some light lipstick and I spend a lot of time on my hair. I descend downstairs, where I make myself a cup of tea, before I plop on the coach. I think I only got one hour of sleep at the end of the night, because I kept worrying. Worrying about what this might to do Benji and Isabella. How the dynamics will change between them and their father.

Oh no, I haven’t even thought about how this will go over in town. I remember when the people in Luna Meadows got ear of what happened between Dean, me and how Mindy Simpleton was involved. However, that barely had anything to do with the kids. To some extent, of course it had something to do with the kids, but it was mostly about me and Dean. This however, is between Dean, Mindy and my kids.

Tears burn in my eyes, the same tears I have been holding every single time I looked over at my kids while they were asleep. Why does everything has to be so complicated? Why did I have to get divorced in this manner? It’s not that I have anything against divorce, but I just wished that it was one where Dean and I just fell out of love, but we still had the kids best interest in mind. That we would work together, just like we did when we were still together.

But that is not the case, not at all.

My phone rings, indicating I have received a message and I look at the screen. My heart starts to race, my hands all of the sudden get really clammy. Henry is already texting me? It’s only seven in the morning…

Henry: I hope I’m not waking you up, but I was wondering what time the Jungs would like their breakfast? 🤗

I let out a small chuckle, as the tears of either sadness or happiness—I don’t know at this point—run over my cheeks again. The fact that he uses an adorable emoji, one that is my favorite too… I don’t even know how this makes me feel.

Amelia: I’m up already, so whenever you want.

Henry: The place opens up at seven thirty. I can come right after I picked it up?

Amelia: Sounds good.

Henry: Want some cappuccino with that as well?

Amelia: You know me too well

Henry: I’ll bring you a cappuccino and I think Benji could use some coffee. How about I also bring some smoothies with me for whoever wants to?

Amelia: Just make sure the smoothie doesn’t have pineapple in it. Isabella is allergic to that.

Henry: Noted

Amelia: Please bring the receipt, so I can pay you back

Henry: You can pay me back with your presence, Amelia. That’s good enough.

Henry: I mean that

I lean back on the sofa, as I let out a deep sigh. Time slowly passes, as I continue to sulk over this. When I just started dating Dean, I never thought about having kids and neither did Dean. When I missed my period, Dean actually went to the store, to buy me some tests. They were all positive and despite being terrified, we both were also over the moon. It felt complete and I was so happy, just like Dean. We were going to be parents and he promised me that he would be there every step of the way.

As I told Henry on our date, I had to recover quite a few years after I had Benji, before I even dared to have another child. I wanted two kids, wanted that my firstborn had a companion, someone that no matter what happened to Dean and I, was there for them. But after two kids, I knew that it was enough for me. I have no desire to expand my family and I thought that even after the divorce, he would keep his promise to me: no more kids for us.

But Dean is doing what he promised me we wouldn’t do. I know that it’s unfair to want him to keep his promise…

I remember his face when Isabella was born. He missed the birth, being unable to get out of his meeting in time. It was rough, it was painful and unexpected and I so wished he was there with me. But he looked so happy, as he was holding Isabella in his arm, sitting down next to me on the hospital bed. ‘I’m so sorry that I wasn’t here,’ he whispered. ‘But thank you for this beautiful human being.’

I leaned against his shoulder, nuzzling my face in his shoulder. ‘I don’t think we should have more kids,’ I told him. ‘Unless you want me dead.’ I couldn’t believe that Eve tried to tell me that the second time giving birth would be easier and worse: that I blindly believed her. ‘Two is enough, don’t you think?’

He softly chuckled, visibly scared to wake her up. ‘I do think that two is enough. I love you, princess,’ he told me, kissing my temple. ‘I’ll forever do that.’

What a fucking liar.

The doorbell rings, snapping me out of my thoughts. I quickly jump up and rush to the door. When I open it, I see Henry with some bags in his hand, Kal—who is excitingly wagging his tail—standing right next to him. ‘Good morning,’ he says with a smile. ‘Kal and I come bearing gifts in the form of breakfast.’

I want to say something, want to be polite or funny or at least grateful, but I can’t seem to find the words.

Except tears.

‘Oh, no,’ Henry says, placing the bags on the porch. ‘Come here.’ He holds out his strong and protective arms and I don’t even think a second letting myself being engulfed in his arms. ‘You look exhausted,’ he notes.

‘I am,’ I mumble. ‘I don’t think I have slept more than an hour last night.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispers. ‘Let’s get breakfast settled, okay? You drink the cappuccino while Kal keeps you company. I can make myself at home and set the table. How about that?’

‘I don’t want you to think that I only invited you so you can serve as my butler or anything.’

He holds onto my shoulders, so he can look me into my eyes and says: ‘I know that is not your intention and nor is that the case here.’

‘Thanks once again,’ I say, placing my hands on his. ‘You’re amazing.’

‘Not a single problem.’

He grabs the bags, before I step to the side to let him and Kal in. We walk to the kitchen and he hands me my cappuccino. This is exactly what I need. I lean against the kitchen island, as Kal presses his cold wet nose against my hand, urging me to pet him. ‘Henry,’ I say, to gain his attention. ‘I’m sorry about yesterday.’

‘Don’t,’ he says, in a tone a lot sterner than I have ever heard him use before and Amelia, I swear, don’t let your mind wander. ‘Don’t you dare feel sorry about it, not even for a second.’

I’m not listening. ‘I’m not just apologizing for last night’s events,’ I say. ‘I’m especially apologizing for that kiss. I shouldn’t have done that.’

‘Why not?’ Henry asks, placing the smoothies on the table, checking the labels again.

I shrug, but he isn’t looking at me, so I add: ‘I don’t know, felt… Wrong. Weird. Too much too soon.’

‘Well, if this eases your mind: I don’t think it felt wrong, weird or too much too soon.’ Henry smiles, causing my stomach to twist in a way that I forgot that was pleasant and I smile back at him. When was the last time I felt like this? ‘And besides, I didn’t mind it one single second.’

Maybe it’s a good thing I hear two sets of footsteps storming down the stairs, so I don’t have to think about an answer for this. ‘Coach!’ Isabella yells, before rushing up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck as he crouched down for her. ‘You’re here! For what?’

‘I brought breakfast,’ he says to her. ‘I have four smoothies and you can pick the first one, how about that?’

She smiles brightly. ‘Really?’

‘Really,’ Henry confirms.

She looks over at me with a hopeful and happy smile on her face. It’s such a change from yesterday. ‘Mom, I get to pick the first smoothie.’

‘Make the choice worth while,’ I say with a smile.

Isabella’s eyes fall on Kal. She jumps a little, as Kal trots over to her, pressing his cold nose against her cheek, causing her to squeal.

Benji carefully approaches. ‘Hi coach,’ he says.

‘Hi Benji, slept well?’

‘I did,’ he answers. ‘Thank you.’ He stands next to me, lets out a long sigh and then says: ‘Good morning, mom.’

‘Good morning honey. I’m glad to hear you slept well.’

He nods. ‘Did you?’ My silence must be his answer. ‘I’m sorry. I think Isabella and I both forgot how this situation must be tough for you too.’

Henry looks over his shoulder, as one corner of his mouth curls up as he looks over at us. I sometimes wonder what I did in life to have two amazing kids, who are very considerate towards me and others for that matter.

‘Don’t you worry about me,’ I tell Benji. ‘I’m all okay. Go help set the table.’

He holds my hand for a brief second, giving it a squeeze, before walking over to his coach to help. My phone beeps, only to tell me that Dean send me a text.

Dean: You up?

Amelia: We don’t want to talk to you yet. If we did, I’d text you, remember?

Dean: I want to talk.

Amelia: Please, just read my previous message and for once think about your kids first, instead of yourself.

Sometimes it stuns me that I was married to him. Was he always this selfish and nearly childlike or did that change the moment he exchanged me for a younger model?

Who he got pregnant. Oh my, I still can’t believe that.

‘Mom, you can pick your smoothie now. I chose the orange with tangerine juice. Benji chose the one with banana, oranges and coconut milk. There is a banana mango one and a strawberry raspberry one left,’ Isabella says, dragging me out of this virtual conversation.

‘Banana mango, sweetie,’ I say, as I walk over to the table, to sit next to her. I look over to Benji and Henry, as they sit across from us. Henry thanks Isabella as she hands him the smoothie that is left and I let out a deep sigh. ‘Okay, we have to talk about the elephant in the room.’

‘We know,’ Benji says, though he looks like he’d rather be somewhere else. I mean, you and me both, kid. If I could, I’d skip this conversation, but if there is one thing motherhood taught me, it’s that the most painful conversations, the ones that deprive you from any sleep, are the ones that are very very important. ‘If there is something that you only want to tell me, maybe only to each other or only to Henry, you can just say so. I won’t judge and neither will anyone else at this table. Is that clear?’

‘Yes mom,’ the two of them say.

I nod. ‘Yesterday it became pretty obvious that you weren’t happy about Mindy’s pregnancy. How did they tell you about this?’

If there is something I have learned over the course of this divorce and trying to make this co-parenting work, is to always ask about the entire situation, so I know all about the wrong things their dad said, so I can make it up to them as we go.

Benji clenches his jaw, as he looks away from us. Isabella looks at me and decides to speak up. ‘We were sitting at the table in the kitchen. Mindy made us cupcakes and it had the text: ‘Congrats big brother’ for Benji on it and ‘Congrats big sister’ for me on it,’ she says. ‘Benji asked if it was a joke and then dad told us it was not and we should be happy about it.’ She looks at her big brother, before she says: ‘That was when Benji got pretty mad.’

Benji scoffs. ‘Well, he can’t fucking force me to be happy, right?’

‘Language,’ I say. Maybe Kal senses that he needs the most support right this moment, because the big dog struts over to Benji, placing his head against his arm. ‘But you are right,’ I say. ‘People can’t force you to feel a certain way. What happened after that?’

‘Well,’ Isabella continues, ‘Benji went upstairs to grab his stuff and came back with mine as well. He told dad that we were going home, that we had to think about this. That’s when dad got very angry. He told us that we should stay here and celebrate this. I told him that I wasn’t feeling very festive. He then said to me that I had to suck it up and fake it.’

When I was still together with Dean, he wasn’t the most well equipped dad, with the greatest parental decisions. I mean, he was a well loved English teacher in high school and to some extent, he is actually good with kids, but only for a certain amount of time (read: a maximum of three hours spread over multiple days). Naturally, he isn’t a good father. But when we were raising Benji and Isabella, he was willing to listen to me, to at least try his best to make the right decision. Though I sometimes wondered what on earth was going through his mind from time to time, I saw that he tried and I loved him for that. He admitted multiple times that he wasn’t naturally a good parent, not in the way I was, but that he was willing to learn from me. It was rough, but it was also doable, since we worked as a team.

The second he moved out of this place to move in with Mindy, it seemed like every parenting tip I had ever given him over the course of fourteen years, was thrown right out of the window.

‘Right,’ I mumble, thinking about Dean’s “fake it” tip. I gave the kids that tip once, when they had to go to parties thrown by kids they both didn’t like. Then it was useful, now it feels depriving our kids from having their own emotions. ‘Okay, then what?’

Isabella looks up at me, taking a sip of her smoothie. ‘Then I said I wanted to go home with Benji, but dad told me that it was too late for me to go home. Benji told him that if I wanted to go home, he was going to take me home, no matter what time it was. He grabbed our things and we went home.’

‘But he followed us in his car, continuing to say how we broke Mindy’s feelings and while that wasn’t my intention,’ Benji continues, ‘I was just mad, because he ruined everything.’

‘What did he exactly ruin?’ I ask him, though I think I might know where he is going.

‘Our family.’ He stares at the muffin in front of him, as I see tears form in his eyes. Henry gently places his hand in the back of Benji’s neck, almost as an encouragement for him to continue talking, but also for letting him know that he is not alone. That we are all here for him. ‘He ruined us. He betrayed you, mom,’ Benji says, his voice breaking in the process, something that on my end breaks my heart. ‘Now… He is betraying us, because he is not a good enough dad for me or for Isabella. How is he going to love another kid, when he doesn’t even love us? What if he loves them more than he loves us? What if that kid is better than us?’

No ‘recently divorced’-blog prepared me for this, at least not the ones that I have been reading. Fuck, how do I respond to this? I mean, his worries are obvious and valid, but as his mom, there is something that I can say that will help him in understanding and dealing with this situation. I clear my throat, as I look over to Henry. He bites his lip, as he seems to be at a loss for words as well. I really have to figure this one out all by myself. I wished Johnny and Eve were here as well. Or even my parents for that matter.

‘He did ruin our family,’ I eventually say. ‘He did betray me and I don’t understand why he is starting a new family, when he indeed has shown that he wasn’t the greatest dad to either of you.’

‘You are going to say but, aren’t you?’ Benji asks.

I look at my smoothie. ‘Maybe,’ I say. I take a sip of my smoothie and say: ‘I will let you decide what the two of you are going to do with this. But I’m going to tell you something that you have to keep in mind, okay?’

The two of them look at me, both with a nearly identical frown, a trait they inherited from their dad. ‘Okay.’

‘This is going to be a very happy time for Mindy.’

‘How do you know?’ Isabella asks. ‘You weren’t even there.’

‘True, but I have been pregnant two times. Knowing that I was expecting you two, were the two best moments of my life. Mindy will have a kid of her own and that is very exciting. Being a first time mom, or a second time mom, third time, whatever, for most people it’s wonderful. Hearing that she went out of her way to tell you guys, means she is very happy.’

Benji frowns and Isabella doesn’t seem too sure of what I’m trying to do here. I don’t really know how to continue this, if I’m being totally honest.

‘What your mom is trying to say,’ Henry decides to butt in and I’m so thankful for that, ‘is that you don’t have to go your dad anymore, but that you can send a card for example, to wish Mindy well. You can write that in a card, with something for their new baby.’

‘Why would we do that?’ Isabella asks.

‘Because that is the mature thing to do,’ I explain to them. ‘I mean, there are a million things I would rather do, but I am mature and will not do that.’

Benji sighs. ‘But if we do that, we don’t have to go anymore?’

‘Well, you don’t have to go in the first place,’ I say, ‘but if you do this, there isn’t any reason for your dad to be angry at you. He probably will be, but we didn’t hand it to him on a silver platter.’

Isabella nods. ‘We can buy something for the baby,’ she says. ‘And we can write a card. Maybe you two can help us.’ She points to me and Henry. ‘You are actual adults, so you probably know what to say.’

‘Henry can help us with that,’ I say. ‘He was born in England and he might be a little bit more polite than I am.’

Benji chuckles. ‘Because you might be very mature about this, but you actually want to tell them that this is a bad idea?’

I let out a laugh, but I also have to hold in my tears, because… That is exactly what I want to do. While I’m not the biggest fan of Mindy at the moment (or ever will be for that matter), she is a young woman and from the looks of it, she is not very happy in the life that she rolled into from the last few times I saw her, so… This is a bad idea, for both parties involved.

But I’m not interfering with other people’s love life, especially not in theirs, since it is not my place to do that.

‘Is there anything else that you want to tell me?’ I ask.

‘Well,’ Benji says, ‘just one thing, to all of you: I’m sorry for yesterday. I know that I scared Isabella, I know that I broke some things here and I know that I hit coach.’

‘It’s all good, kid,’ Henry says. ‘Don’t you worry about it.’

‘You know I don’t care about those types of things,’ I say to him. ‘As long as no one is injured, we’re all good.’

Benji looks at his sister, who blinks her eyes. I can already tell that for dramatical sake, she keeps quiet. ‘Well,’ she says, looking at her smoothie, ‘you did scare me a little bit.’ Isabella, honey, for your brother’s sake, don’t drag this out… ‘But I understand that you get mad from time to time, so I’m not mad at you. I forgive you.’

Benji is visibly relieved and nods. ‘Well, good then.’ He takes a bite of his muffin and Isabella copies his movements.

‘That’s it?’ I ask, a little bit confused.

‘That’s it,’ Isabella confirms. ‘Benji and I are going to be mature.’

‘Okay…’ I have no idea what I have to say to them now. ‘Remember, if you change your minds, that’s okay. You can always think about it again and if you want to you can always talk to me or Henry or Eve and Johnny about it.’

‘We know,’ they say in unison, both taking another bite from their respective muffins.

Have I done parenting exceptionally good? Was sleeping on it for a night, enough to digest this easier? Am I a successful parent? Should I write a book or something, to share my apparent wisdom with others?

I look over to Henry, who has a smile on his face as he nods approvingly. We eat our breakfast and Isabella is the ever drama queen, while Benji continues to seek approval from his coach, something that will forever warm my heart.

I tell them that we’re going to the autumn market and that they should get dressed. The two rush upstairs, already fighting who can shower first, and I lean back in the chair. Kal sits next to Henry on the floor, his head against his arm. It must be nice, to have a companion like that. ‘Answer this for me: have I found the perfect formula for parenting?’

Henry smiles. ‘I think you might have,’ he says, finishing up his smoothie. ‘How are you?’

‘I think I’m good,’ I whisper.

‘Come here,’ he says, as he pulls back the chair where Benji was sitting on a few moments ago, patting on the seat. I walk over to him, plopping on the seat. Henry pulls the chair closer to his and honestly, that is the biggest power move I have ever seen someone of the opposite sex do.

Before he can say anything to me, I ask: ‘I’m doing good, right? It was the right thing for me to tell them to be mature?’

‘It was,’ he says. ‘You are an excellent mother.’

Oh no, this shouldn’t make me cry. I bite my lip, before I let out a soft sob. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘No, no, no,’ Henry says, ‘This is all totally understandable. This is a lot of change and quite the stressful time for you, Dean and your kids. But remember, you are doing good.’ Just as he did with Benji, he places his hand in the back of my neck and smiles. ‘When we’re at the autumn market, we should not only buy something for their new baby, but maybe, if you allow me, I can buy something for the kids. Something they want.’

I let out a chuckle, wiping away my tears. ‘You are a very interesting man, mister Cavill,’ I say to him. ‘Very smart too, working your way into my heart, by being kind to me and my kids. Men around the world should take notes.’

He smiles, as his cheeks turn red. For a second I wonder why on earth he does this. The fact that I have kids is not scaring him away. My ex-husband and the way he and his new fiancée are involved in my life, doesn’t make him leave.

This man is the jackpot.

‘Henry, I’m sorry you rolled into this whole family mess,’ I say.

‘What did I tell you about apologizing?’ he asks me.

I smile, as I shake my head. ‘I should save it, I know, I know. Let me say this instead: Thank you for staying. I know many others wouldn’t have done that.’

Henry smiles, but he can’t say anything to it, because we are brutally interrupted. ‘Mom!’ Isabella yells, ‘Benji won’t let me in the bathroom.’

I chuckle. ‘Duty calls.’

✰ ✰ ✰

‘Dear Mindy,’ Isabella reads from the card, ‘congratulations on your baby. We are very happy for you. However, co- consi- Benji, what is this again?’

Benji scoots closer to his sister, reading the card. ‘However,’ he continues, ‘considering the circumstances, we find it very difficult to celebrate with you. Please accept this gift for your new baby and we wish you nothing but the best. We hope that we are welcome when we want to come over. Lots of love, Benji and Isabella.’

We are sitting at a large picnic table, with some hot chocolate and extra whipped cream, specifically asked for by Isabella and me. Henry, who sits next to me, has placed his hand on my leg and that is exactly the kind of support I need. I have wrapped my arm around his, to place my hand on his. My fingers play with his. ‘You agree with this?’ I ask the two of them.

‘I do,’ Isabella starts. ‘It sounds very mature, don’t you think, Benji?’

‘It does,’ he agrees. ‘Thank you, mom, coach… I feel better already.’

‘Want to drop it by or send it to them?’ Henry asks. ‘If you want, I can drop it off, if none of you want to bring it.’

We Jungs all agree a little too quick.

This causes Henry to smile. ‘Well, I’ll do that and before you worry, Amelia, it’s all good. I don’t mind.’

‘Coach,’ Isabella says, ‘you like my mom, don’t you?’

Henry nods. ‘I do like her and I sure hope she likes me too.’

‘She does,’ she confirms for me. Am I that obvious? ‘Do you like us?’

‘Very much, so,’ Henry says. ‘And Kal really likes you too.’ Kal sits next to Isabella, licking her cheek. ‘I really like spending time with the Jung family. Makes me feel less alone.’

‘Do you miss your family?’ she asks.

He shrugs. ‘Maybe a bit, but not a lot.’

Isabella nods, before she says: ‘We like it too when you are around.’

‘That’s wonderful to hear,’ Henry says and it almost sounds like he is touched by it.

She looks at her brother and coerces him to say something, with just her eyes. Since Benji has a very hard time saying no to her—ever—he nods and adds: ‘We like it that you make our mom happy.’

‘Oh guys, that is really not necessary,’ I say, hoping they would stop, but Isabella won’t zip it, because she adds: ‘Our mom deserves someone. She always tells us that we are her greatest treasures and while we believe that, it’s nice to see someone who cares.’

‘Okay, now you really need to stop talking,’ I laugh, ‘because I’m going to cry if you keep going.’

Henry squeezes my leg, before he admits: ‘You have wonderful kids, Amelia. Both of them.’ And that on their end, causes Benji and even Isabella to blush.

I nod. ‘Yeah, I sure do. Now, enjoy your hot chocolate, before it is cold.’

‘Can we go into the ferris wheel?’ Isabella asks, licking some of the whipped cream of her drink. ‘Please, mom?’

‘Of course,’ I answer.

‘Will you come with us?’ she pushes.

Benji nudges his sister. ‘Bella, remember that mom is afraid of heights.’

‘You’re afraid of heights?’ Henry asks, sounding genuinely surprised.

‘Maybe a bit,’ I confess, ‘but the last time we went was three years ago and I think I have grown. Besides, we have a wonderful dog and a Henry with us. I think I can manage.’

Henry starts to laugh, as well as Benji and Isabella, who give each other a high five, because we’re going in a cart together. ‘Coach,’ Benji starts, but Henry shakes his head.

‘When we’re not training, you can call me Henry,’ he tells them. ‘Both of you.’

‘Really?’ Isabella asks, her eyes starting to sparkle with hope.

He nods. ‘Really. I might be Benji’s coach, but when I’m at your place, I’m not. I’m just Henry, okay?’

‘Copy that,’ Benji chuckles, before taking a sip of his hot chocolate. ‘Henry.’

When we finished our hot chocolate, we get in line to go in the ferris wheel. Thankfully for my kids, dogs are allowed, otherwise I’d happily stay behind on the ground with Kal. We get in and I sit next to Henry, as Benji, Isabella and Kal sit across from us. ‘This is okay,’ I say, looking around me.

‘Mom,’ Isabella laughs, ‘we’re still on the ground. Don’t be ridiculous.’

Benji holds back a laugh. ‘You can still get out now.’

‘I’m totally fine,’ I say, but that’s such a lie. I breath in deeply, before slowly breathing out, hoping to calm my breathing a bit. The cart moves and I let out I high pitched scream. Thankfully the cart is closed and no one can hear me, except everyone here. My two kids start to chuckle and I scrunch up my nose. ‘Is it too late to get out?’ I ask.

‘It is now,’ Henry laughs. ‘You two are being awfully mean to your mother, laughing at her like that.’

‘One time, coach— I mean, Henry, mom, dad, Benji and I went to California and we also sat in a rollercoaster that stops for a while at the top. Mom was crying.’

‘Don’t share those stories with him,’ I say. ‘That is not… Oh no, we’re so high! I don’t like this.’ I close my eyes, as my shoulder tense up and are near my ears.

I can feel Henry laughing silently next to me, before he wraps an arm around my shoulders.

‘Are we nearly down yet?’ I ask.

Benji laughs. ‘No, mom, we’re almost at the top.’ The cart shakes as we come to a halt and I nearly puke from the sudden movement. ‘We can see our house from here.’

‘Mom, open up your eyes,’ Isabella says. ‘Please, mom, just look. For us.’

For us. She knows exactly what buttons to push. I open one eye, wince at the sight of the entire town, before opening the other one too. ‘Maybe you should breath,’ Henry chuckles.

‘Shut up,’ I chuckle nervously. ‘Oh, we can indeed see our house.’

Isabella stands up and I nearly yell at her that she should sit down, but this cart can handle movement. Besides, I don’t want to come across as that kind of mother. ‘Henry, can we see your house?’

He nods. ‘Right there, with the orange garage.’

‘You live in Miss Bonny’s old house?’ Benji asks. ‘They say her spirit still lives there and she eats little kids.’

Henry smiles. ‘Well, I’m all alone with Kal there. No spirit of Miss Bonny. It’s still a bit bland though.’

‘You want me to make something for you?’ Isabella asks. ‘Or maybe we can help you decorate it. Mom is really good at decorating. When dad moved out, the three of us completely redid our living room. We can paint, we can hang up wallpaper and we can find decorations.’

‘I would love that,’ he says with a smile. ‘Besides, I could use some help. I’m utterly useless when it comes to decorating.’

Benji smiles. ‘Then we really should help.’

✰ ✰ ✰

Henry and I watch as Benji and Isabella are in the arcade, playing away after Henry gave them like a billion quarters. We sip on our tea, with some cookies in the middle of us, as we sit across from each other. ‘So, how do you like the Luna Meadows autumn market so far?’ I ask him.

‘I absolutely love it,’ he admits. ‘This is such a lovely town. I’m happy I moved here and I’d like to take you guys up on that offer, of the three of you helping me decorate my place. I have been postponing it since the moment I arrived.’

‘Of course, let that be our way of thanking you for today. I honestly did not expect you to buy all of us matching pajamas, including a pair for yourself,’ I laugh. ‘And you’re sure you don’t mind bringing that package? I mean, I can send it to them or ask someone else to drop it off…’

‘I can just place it on their doorstep, right?’

‘You can, but… Don’t you think that it’s weird? Considering that there is something going on between the two of us.’

He shakes his head. ‘I want what is best for the kids and you. Really, I honestly don’t care about what your ex husband might think of it, what Mindy might think of it or the entire town for that matter.’

‘Gosh, you have such thick skin, Cavill. It’s admirable, really.’

He shrugs. ‘Barely.’ Henry holds out his hand for me to take and I hesitantly place mine in his. His thumb gently caresses my fingers. It feels so familiar, as if we have done this forever. For a second I’m afraid that people might see, but on the other hand: I don’t care. I’m happy right now.

I look up. ‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Go for it.’

‘Why did you marry your ex in the first place?’

Even if he was taken by surprise, he doesn’t show it. This man has an incredible pokerface and maybe it’s a blessing that I can’t even play poker; my face is an open book and Henry seems to read it with ease. ‘My parents thought we were a good match,’ he says. ‘I mean, I’ve known her since high school and I liked her as a friend, but… The both of us, we were never a match. However, she started dating my best friend behind my back, we finally got our divorce and I never saw her again. That’s the short, less pathetic version.’

‘Oh my, Henry, I’m so sorry. Did you date after that?’

‘I did, but it never felt good,’ he confesses. Henry tilts his head and smiles. ‘It never felt like how I feel about you. The second I lifted up that tampon box and looked into your eyes, it just clicked.’

‘Shut your face about the tampon box. When someone asks us how we met, we’ll just stick with the ‘you’re Benji’s new coach’-story.’

Henry smiles, while I am at a loss for words, since I’m drowning in his beautiful eyes. I don’t really understand why some parents would force their kids to marry someone, they don’t feel comfortable with. I still feel like there is so much more to the story then what he has told me, but I’m not going to pry. The fact that I completely tell him my entire life story, doesn’t mean that he has to.

‘Mom, Henry, look!’ Isabella yells, as she rushes back to us. She sits next to Henry and holds up her lion stuffed animal. ‘Benji won it for me.’

Benji sits down next to me, as I pull my hand back from Henry’s. ‘I don’t have any quarters left.’

‘We gave you tons of quarters,’ I chuckle.

‘Yeah, it may have cost me all of the quarters to win two,’ he confesses.

‘Two?’ I ask him, since Isabella is only holding one.

He holds up a little bear, twice as little as Isabella’s lion. ‘For Mindy’s baby,’ he says, causing Henry to look up as well. ‘Make sure it’s in the package,’ he tells his coach.

‘You’re a good kid,’ Henry says, taking over the bear from Benji. ‘You’re really going places, mark my words.’

✰ ✰ ✰

Dean: Your new boyfriend brought over the gift.

Dean: I honestly don’t get what the big deal is.

Dean: That you don’t like this, whatever, but the kids should at least have the human decency to bring over the package themselves.

Dean: The kids are coming over next week again.

Amelia: If they want to.

Amelia: And by the way: you’re welcome.

Dean: For what?

Amelia: The gift the kids prepared for Mindy.

[supernatural-jackles]

The Man on the Side of the Road - Part 8

Title: The Man on the Side of the Road - Part 8

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 4,932

Warnings: Minor Angst, Lots of Fluff, Playing with their hair, did I mention Fluff?

Summary: Driving down the road, going well over the speed limit. You come across a man walking in the opposite direction with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. His head cast down as he walked. Your gut instinct is telling you to check on this man, no matter what your parents told you growing up. Little did you know just how much this would change your life.

The Man on the Side of the Road - Masterlist

Square Filled: Bed Sharing ( @spngenrebingo​)

A/N: I think y’all are going to like this one! Lots of fluff to make up for the angsty last part! As always, feedback is incredibly appreciated ( seriously thank you for it!) Happy reading!! 

 “Alright, beef jerky?” Dean called out from the list he had in his hand.

 “Check,” you shouted back.

 “Potato chips?”

 “Got it.”

 “And finally, my best friend?” he smiled widely, looking over the top of the car to see you. You shook your head with a wide smile.

 “I’m right here, dork,” you giggled. “I think we’re road trip ready, don’t you? I didn’t get up at six in the morning for nothing, Dean.”

 “I think we’re ready too,” he nodded. “We’ve got a long road ahead of us today. We’re stopping later tonight. We’re staying in a cheap motel and we’ll be back on the road in the morning.”

 “I like that plan,” you stated. “Let’s get this show on the road shall we?”

 You and Dean were on the open road within minutes. All the doors to your home were locked. You had your security system triple checked. No one knew you were leaving town but Bobby, and he was going to check on your house every day. He was more than happy to let Dean have the week off to go with you on the road trip. You both needed it. You needed to have that breath of fresh air. You needed to get away from everything for a little while.

 Since the night you had a full on breakdown, you and Dean had been closer than ever. You felt so much closer to him and it was a strange feeling for you. You never felt that way with Ketch. Not even in the beginning when everything was so fresh and new. You never felt like you fully knew who he was and what he was about. You knew things about Dean that no one knew. You shared things with him that you had never shared with anyone. It made you wonder if it was weird for him too. If he liked how close you had grown in the time you knew each other.

 “I’m feeling pizza for dinner,” Dean brought up about an hour into the drive.

 “I could go for some pizza,” you nodded. “With everything on it.”

 “Everything?” he cocked his eyebrow. “Now you are definitely my kind of girl.”

 “Speaking of girl,” you licked your bottom lip. You had to know.  “When are you going to ask that girl out? You know, the one you told me about?”

 “I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I don’t really know if I’m going to. Yeah, it’d be great to put myself out there again and all. I have no idea if she even likes me back, or if she’d ever go out with me in the first place. I don’t want to push myself back with all the progress I’ve made so far.”

 “That’s a good point,” you nodded. “But you’re going to have to put yourself out there sometime. The girl isn’t going to wait forever if she does like you back. As soon as she thinks you’ve lost interest, she’ll move on. I know you said you’re not a long term kind of guy but it could be worth a shot.”

 “I’m not. But I don’t know, maybe this time I should give it a try. I’m older now. The sounds of settling down don’t scare me nearly as much as they used to. I guess I have you to thank for that one.”

 “Why me?”

 “Because of the whole you thought you were pregnant,” he said nonchalantly. “The idea of having a kid of your own, and starting a family with someone sounds a lot better than it did years ago. But I want what you said. Two parents that love each other to raise the baby.”

 “Sounds to me like you want a future,” you pointed out.

 “Yeah. I do,” he agreed. “Something more, you know?”

 “I say take a chance,” you breathed out. “You never know what could happen. Besides, I know you. Any girl would be lucky to be with you.”

 “Thanks, Y/N,” he smiled. “What about you? I know you haven’t really been single for all that long, but have you considered putting yourself out there?”

 “The more I think about it, I’ve been by myself for a lot longer. After all, Ketch and Jo have been fooling around for two years behind my back. We weren’t like most couples. People wouldn’t say oh you guys are so cute together and that shit. Ketch was and has always been closed off. He wasn’t open with me the same way I was him. We didn’t have a good solid relationship when I think about the kind of relationship I want to pursue in the future. It wasn’t even about sex for me.  And to be honest, Ketch and I didn’t really sleep together all that often the more I think about it. Our last few months before our wedding was probably the most we were together. Probably because of Jo. As much as there was wrong with our relationship, I know it won’t be the same with someone else. I know that I’ll meet someone and things will just click,” you paused. “I’ll be able to have sex with the lights on, and I’ll be able to say no when I’m not in the mood and have him respect me. I’ll be able to cry and he won’t freak out, and I’ll be able to make him laugh when he needs it. I was so afraid of so many things when I was with Ketch, because I knew he’d leave me, and I didn’t want my mom to say the horrible things that she already has to me. I’ve accepted now that I’m never going to be good enough for her and I don’t care that I’m not. I would much rather be with someone who loved me for who I am. Someone who doesn’t care that I don’t get along with her and understands why. I don’t want that same unrealistic expectations the next time around.”

 “Your mom really shouldn’t matter all that much anyways. No offense but she’s a bitch,” he chuckled.

 “You’re not wrong about that one,” you let out a laugh. “Someday I’ll put myself out there again. I just want to be one hundred percent sure that I know the person I’m going for this time around. Someone that doesn’t have hidden agendas, or girls he likes to fuck behind my back.”

 “Can I ask you who this Jo chick is?” he cocked his eyebrow, looking over at you for a split second.

 “Jo Harvelle -”

 “You have to be fucking kidding me,” he said loudly.

 “Oh god, you know her too?” your jaw dropped.

 “Yeah, I do. Quite well actually,” he stated. “When I was growing up, my dad brought me around the garage a lot so he could show me the ropes of a car. At the time, my Uncle Bobby was dating her mom so Jo was around quite a bit in the summertime. Her mom and Bobby didn’t last too long thankfully. Bobby met a really nice woman and he’s been with her for ten years, I want to say. When school started back up again, Jo thought we were friends and it stayed like that for awhile. It was fine for the most part. Awkward at best. When we were in high school, she made it known that she had a crush on me. Flirting in the hallway. Trying to sit with me at lunch. She forced herself on me at a party after she had too much to drink, and I had to leave. She and Ketch were pretty close in high school too from what I remember. Which is why I couldn’t understand why she was chasing after me. She’s younger, and I saw her like a kid sister. She was always looking for male attention.”

 “Figures. She slept around a lot when we were friends. I thought it was her way of dealing with things after her mom died. Everytime we went out, she took someone home. Never thought it would be my at the time fiancee,” you told him. “The more I think about everything that’s happened over time, the more I wish I had realized what was going on. I wish I would have picked up on how poorly Ketch treated me, and done something about it. I wish I would have realized that Jo wasn’t really a friend to me. I wish I would have paid more attention, and knew my worth more than I did.”

 “But you know it now, and you’re not in the situation with either of them anymore,” he reminded you. “You have me looking out for you now, and I’m not going to let you go through something like that again. And, I’m not going to steal your boyfriend either.”

 “Haha!” you giggled. “Funny!”

 “It was a little funny,” he smirked. “I mean it though. I’ve got your back, if you decide you want to try again with someone else. You seem to be doing much better since our talk last week.”

 “I feel a lot better since we talked,” you admitted. “It’s hard for me to open up, I know that. I never wanted to be too much for you either. You are already going through so much as it is. Talking to you is easy. I like talking to you about everything. The big things. The little things too. You give me a sense of home.”

 “You can always talk to me,” he assured you.

 It wasn’t too long after that when your eyes began to grow tired. You knew that if you rested on the door, you’d feel every bump. You decided to take a chance. After all, you and Dean were close. You wouldn’t be able to sleep otherwise. He was a safe driver and the backseat was free for the most part.

 “I’m going to see if I can get some sleep,” you yawned. “You mind if I crawl in the back?”

 “If you want,” he nodded. “Or you can rest your head in my lap. My leg might be a little more comfortable than the bags back there.”

 “You wouldn’t mind?”

 “Nah. I’d rather you be comfortable,” he smiled. “‘Sides, I’ll play with your hair every once in a while. Help you relax.”

 “Do you want to marry me?” you joked.

 “In a heartbeat,” he winked. “I’ll change routes to Vegas.”

 “It’d be the best wedding ever,” you giggled.

 “Get some sleep, sweetheart. I’ll keep you safe.”

                                     __________________________

 You had no idea how long you were asleep for. What you woke up to was Dean running his fingers through your hair as he hummed along with the quiet radio. You couldn’t help but smile. You were more than content with your life at that moment. It made you wonder if there was a chance that you and Dean could be something more. More than roommates and friends. You got along well, and you had a good chemistry between the two of you. You could see yourself with someone like him. The real question was, could he see himself with someone like you? Did he like you in the same way you liked him?

 You shifted in his lap, adjusting yourself a little. Dean still continued to run his fingers through the locks of your hair. It made you wonder if he liked it just as much as you did. If he would be okay with you doing the same to him.

 “Sweetheart, are you awake?” Dean asked softly.

 “Maybe,” you chuckled. “You need something?”

 “I’m going to pull over at the next gas station. We need gas, and I’m probably going to pee myself if we wait any longer,” he admitted.

 “Okay. How long was I asleep?” you asked him, yawning in the process.

 “About three hours,” he revealed.

 “Oh my god. I’m sorry!” you breathed out.

 “Don’t worry about it. You’re a pretty sound sleeper. I’d rather you rest,” he half smiled.

 “Thank you for letting me sleep in your lap, and for playing with my hair,” you told him.

 “You won’t be thanking me when you see what your hair looks like,” he let out a laugh. You sat up instantly, looking in the rearview mirror. Some of your hair was sticking up a little. Nothing you couldn’t fix. You’d much rather his hand in your hair anyways. It was the most comforting feeling.

 “I think this is a good look for me,” you giggled. “Why don’t I drive after our pit stop? Give you a chance to nap.”

 “Yeah okay,” he nodded. “I trust you enough to drive my car.”

 “Gee thanks,” you shook your head with a side smile.

 Dean stopped at the closest gas and sip. He pumped the gas first before heading in to use the bathroom. You sat in the car, checking your phone to see how much further along you were until you arrived to Sam. It was still a long drive, and you wouldn’t be there until tomorrow night at the earliest. You knew all the travel was going to knock you out.

 Dean came out of the gas and sip with a paper bag in his hand. You wondered just what he could have picked up in there when you had a lot of stuff in the car already. You slid over to the drivers side, allowing Dean to sit in the passengers.

 “Alright, I’m hungry so I picked up a little something from the diner they had in there. I’ve got fries, pie, and two burgers. Figured you’d be hungry too.”

 “Thanks Dean,” you smiled. “I am actually. It’s going to be a while on the road. We’re not pulling over until eight if we’re going to get there by tomorrow.”

 You were on the road, eating your burgers and fries. Dean gave you a couple of bites of his pecan pie, feeding it to you from the fork while you drove. Eventually, he decided he was going to shut his eyes for a little while. That’s when you offered your lap for him to sleep this time. You took the chance to run your fingers through his hair, just like he did you.

 Being on the open road with nothing but the soft sounds of one of his cassette tapes playing, and his head in your lap, gave you a lot of time to think about everything. Dean had been a part of your life for a little over two months now. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that time had flown by. Dean was a big part of your life, and you wanted him to be an even bigger part of your life. You wanted to wake up next to him everyday. He was the one you looked forward to coming home to, and spending time with. He saw sides of you that no one else saw. The sides you didn’t want anyone else to see. You just wondered if he saw you as more than a friend. If he ever could see you as someone he wanted to be with.

 You knew more about him than a lot of people did. At least, you liked to think you did. Dean clearly didn’t share a whole lot, and he shared quite a bit with you when he became more comfortable with you. You knew he didn’t have many people in his life, and if he did, they clearly didn’t stick around long enough. You couldn’t quite understand why. Dean was easy to get along with, and he made damn sure he was there when someone he cared about needed him. Dean had been there for you more times than you could count. Maybe it was the same for everyone else, and they just never did the same for him. You had no idea what happened between him and his brother. You just hoped they could fix things on this trip.

 “You’re comfortable,” Dean muttered, making you laugh.

 “Thanks, Dean.”

 “How long was I asleep?” he asked.

 “Two hours or so,” you answered.

 “Sweet,” he yawned, sitting up from your lap. He rubbed at his eyes a little, trying to wipe away the sleep. You had about an hour left to go before you were in Boulder. “You tired of driving yet?”

 “Eh. It’s only three in the afternoon. If you want me to drive further, I can. The sooner we get to Sam, the better, right?”

 “Yeah that’s true. I’ll let you drive for a couple more hours, then we’ll switch. Whenever you want to switch let me know,” he offered.

 “Yeah I will.”

 It was just after eight thirty when you pulled into the parking lot of a motel. If your mother could see you and where you were staying for the night, she would throw a fit. She wouldn’t be caught dead in a place like this. It almost made you smile to think about it. It reminded you of how much you weren’t like her. How different you were was one of the things you were proud of. This didn’t bother you one bit and that was because you were doing this with someone you deeply cared about.

 Dean had gotten the key to the room while you ran to grab something to eat for dinner from the restaurant across the street. You managed to grab a pizza with a bunch of toppings like you talked about earlier, and some drinks. Dean was waiting for you outside the room with the keys in his hand.

 The room wasn’t anything special. For eighty five dollars a night, it wasn’t the worst. There was only one bed and it was pretty small for a queen. If anything, it looked like a double. Not that it mattered all that much. You and Dean had shared a bed a few times before. It was nothing new. You were just going to be a little closer than you were at home. You were going to have to be more respectful of his space.

 “When I was growing up, my dad liked to take me and my brother on road trips like this. Time for us to spend together. Since we lost our mom so young, he knew it was important to spend time together. Granted, my dad and my brother never saw eye to eye. I always had to share a bed with one of them, because they refused to look at each other until we moved on from wherever we were. But this just reminds me of those good times growing up. I’ve never really had anyone to do something like this with.”

 “I know you said you’re not big on commitment, but did you ever have a girlfriend that you did little road trips with?” you asked.

 “Nah, we stayed in town. The girls I’ve been with weren’t into seedy motel rooms and long trips in the car,” he shrugged. “What about you and douchewad?”

 “Once thankfully,” you chuckled. “Spring break, freshman year of college. He thought it would be a good idea to head down to Miami. He also thought it would be a good idea to have six shots of tequila with no chaser and he passed out. He refused to go to the beach because he hated sand and he would only eat out of five star restaurants. On spring break, you would be lucky to find one. He complained the entire time that he was going to get an infection or disease. He wouldn’t be caught dead in a motel like this. He and my mother were more alike in that way.”

 “And stuff like this motel room doesn’t bug you?” he furrowed his brows.

 “No. Not really,” you shook your head. “I’ve never been that kind of girl. But if I see one bug, be prepared for me to freak out. I don’t do bugs of any kind.”

 “Okay,” he smiled. “I have to say. I’m really happy you’re not with Ketch anymore. I don’t think you would have lived your life to the fullest if you married him.”

 “Me either. I certainly wouldn’t have done any road trips like this. Or been allowed to talk to you. As upset as I was when I found out about him and Jo, and everything that happened. It’s given me a lot of perspective on what I deserve, and how poorly I was treated. The next time I date, I’m going to make sure its someone who isn’t a bag of dicks.”

 “Good,” he smiled. “You look happier.”

 The pizza was finished quickly. Both of you were pretty hungry, and you were actually surprised you could eat that amount. You both showered and brushed your teeth. You knew you had to get to sleep early. Especially if you were leaving in the morning, and early at that. You and Dean wanted to be at Stanford by tomorrow night, and that meant at least another thirteen hours of driving.

 You climbed into bed first, adjusting the covers. Dean was out of the bathroom, wearing a fitted t-shirt and a pair of black boxers. You couldn’t help but stare at him a little longer than usual. You found yourself doing that lately. It wasn’t just when he was in his boxers. It was anytime. When he was helping you make dinner, or when he walked in the room.

 He crawled into the small bed, settling next to you. It was just after ten and you knew you had to get to sleep soon or else you’d be grumpy come the morning. Not that you weren’t going to be anyways.

 “This bed is super lumpy,” you chuckled.

 “Tell me about it. I think my car would have been more comfortable,” he scoffed.

 “Your car is more comfortable,” you pointed out. “Let’s just make the best of this. Tomorrow, we can get a nice hotel room with a hot tub and we’ll forget all about this room.”

 “Good plan,” he let out a laugh. “G’night sweetheart.”

 “Night handsome.”

 Your body slowly began to wake. You could feel the light in the room, and you knew then you had to get up within the next couple of minutes. You nuzzled into the pillow a little more, only to find it a little harder than you remembered the night before. Your eyes shot wide open, realizing that you were no longer sleeping on your pillow, but on Dean’s chest. Your arm wrapped around his middle. No wonder you felt well rested. You fell asleep on your best friend.

 He slowly began to stir beneath you, and you knew there was no way you were getting away with this one. He was going to find out either way. You may as well take the punishment for what it was. You enjoyed it, hell more than you should. You weren’t going to deny yourself that, not after everything you’ve been through.

 “Sweetheart, you awake?” his deep, gruff voice muttered. That’s when you noticed it. His hand on the small of your back. His thumb rubbing circles on your spine. If he was uncomfortable, he certainly didn’t show it.

 “Hmm, yeah,” you yawned. “Time to get ready?”

 “Yeah. Long day ahead of us,” he reminded you. “Should arrive there tonight.”

 “Hot tub,” you chuckled.

 “Non lumpy bed. Although you seem to be pretty comfortable,” he teased.

 “I didn’t keep you up, did I?”

 “Nah,” he let out a little laugh, tightening his grip on you. “Bed was small anyways.”

 “Definitely not a queen,” you stated. “We better get out of here. We’ll grab some breakfast on the road.”

 “Sounds good.”

 You were up and out of the motel room within fifteen minutes. Both of you had a coffee and a breakfast sandwich, ready to take on another long day of driving. Dean decided to take the first driving shift. You searched through his cassette tapes to find something different to listen to, but also something of his standards. You could only play certain things in his car.

 Your mind was constantly on the fact that you had somehow fallen asleep cuddling him. He didn’t make a big deal out of it, but to you it was. This was Dean, your best friend Dean. The man you had strong feelings for, Dean. It felt so great to cuddle with him the way you did. It was great to feel safe in his hold, and to just be cuddled. It reminded you a lot of what you didn’t have with Ketch. He hated cuddling, especially at night. He slept as far away from you as possible on the nights you did share a bed. It was probably one of the many reasons why he didn’t want to live together until marriage. Personal issues, as he called it.

 “What’s on your mind, pretty girl?” he asked after about an hour on the road. You turned to look at him with a soft smile. His eyes were softer than usual as he looked at you.

 “Oh you know, stuff,” you teased, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth.

 “Spill it,” he chuckled.

 “Last night, I didn’t make you uncomfortable, or cross any lines, did I?” you questioned. Worry was evident in your voice.

 “No. You didn’t,” he shook his head with a smirk. “I’m actually surprised it hasn’t happened before.”

 “Why do you say that?” you asked curiously.

 “Because you’re a really affectionate person, and you crave that very same affection back,” he pointed out. “You like it when I play with your hair, and squeeze you tightly when I hug you. You played with my hair for awhile yesterday. Since the first day I met you, you’ve been touchy and you probably didn’t even realize you were. You helped me get across the road, you hugged me tightly, you rubbed between my shoulders. You’re an affectionate person, and you shouldn’t have to hold back. I don’t mind cuddling, or hugs. Even when you kissed me on the cheek, it wasn’t weird. I accept you for who you are, Y/N.”

 “You know you’ve basically just given me permission right?” you giggled. Dean let out a laugh, shaking his head.

 “I know. I’m cool with it,” he assured you. “I like cuddling too.”

 The day was spent the same as the previous day. One of you napped while the other drove. You stopped for lunch and a few bathroom breaks. You talked about little things that were insignificant to some, but not to you. You learned his favourite kinds of pie, and his favourite colour. You learned that he had his first kiss at sixteen and that he knew how to play the guitar. The little things that were common knowledge. You mostly wanted to know the things that only a best friend would know. He learned the very same about you.

 You played a couple of games. One on your phone that was much like twenty questions, but this was a list of about one hundred. Some were completely random, others were strange. Either way, it killed about four hours.

 “We’ll be there in fifteen minutes,” you told him. “You ready?”

 “Yeah,” he nodded. “Hopefully he’ll want to see me.”

 “At the end of the day, you’re his brother. He’d be crazy not to,” you reminded him.

 “Where would I be without you?” he chuckled.

 “Do you really want me to answer that?” you shook your head with a smirk. “We’re getting chicken for dinner tonight, just so you know.”

 “Fine by me,” he smiled. “I could go for some too.”

 “And pie,” you added in. “Need pie.”

 You pulled into the apartment complex that Dean had pointed to. This was the last known address he had for Sam. If he didn’t live there, then someone had to know where so you could look next. You parked the car, cutting the ignition. You could tell Dean was nervous, but excited at the same time. He didn’t want his brother to turn him away.

 His brother's apartment was on the third floor. Room fourteen. Dean glanced up at the building, taking a deep breath. You smiled at him, slipping your hand into his for reassurance. You knew he wasn’t going to move unless you forced him to. You were a little nervous yourself. You were meeting his brother for the first time. It was the only real family he had. Bobby wasn’t his blood, technically. You wondered if Sam looked like his older brother, or if he looked more like one parent and Dean looked like the other. Either way, you were going to find out.

 “Here we are,” he breathed out, releasing your hand.

 “You’ve got this,” you reassured him. “Time to see your brother.”

Dean raised his hand, knocking three times on the door before taking a step back. You placed your hand between his shoulders, much like you had done before. You could hear a little commotion going on from behind the door, which meant someone was definitely home.

 The door unlocked, and opened up just a little. You swallowed hard, suddenly growing a little nervous yourself. You took a step back behind Dean, knowing you’d have him to protect you, in case Sam wasn’t the one living there anymore and it was some big drunk dude.

 “Dean?” a voice called out from the doorway. You glanced up to find a taller man with longer brown hair. His brows were furrowed, and he was more surprised than anything. That had to be his brother.

 “Hiya Sammy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 9 coming Tuesday!

Did you like it? What was your favourite part? Share your thoughts with me via reblog, reply or send me an ask! Your response is what keeps me sharing stories like this! 

[deanieweaniewrites]

Ruffled Feathers

For: @captainhaterade

Read on AO3

Rated: T (for some sexual references)

Tags: Love Confessions, Bunker Domesticity, First Kiss, WINGS

Things had been quiet around the bunker. Nothing had happened for quite some time. Hunts had slowed down and frankly, everyone just needed some time off. It was rare that they had the chance.

For once, Cas was around. He was hanging out in the bunker with Sam and Dean without disappearing for once. It was a pleasant surprise, especially for Dean. He was going to take advantage of every second he had with Cas. It wasn’t like they got to spend much quality time together. 

On the first day of their break, Dean decided to expose Cas to some more pop culture. He found it ridiculous that Cas hadn’t taken the time to watch cult classic movies. The most appalling was Star Wars. Dean refused to let Cas go any longer without seeing the original trilogy, so they spent the entire day in front of the TV. They shared a pizza, which Cas only munched on for the taste. He left the rest for Dean to actually enjoy. 

On the second day, all three of them went into town to walk around. Sam insisted that they go into this little bookstore/cafe on the corner of the street, which Dean pretended to be reluctant about.

Once he was in there, he was nose-deep in Vonnegut. Cas watched him and read over his shoulder while Sam ordered coffee, a few books in hand. 

Dean glanced over his shoulder and grinned a little at the angel. “Have you ever read Cat’s Cradle?”

Cas shook his head, staring at the book. “Not in its entirety. I’ve read the two pages you just read.”

Dean huffed out a laugh and closed the book. “It’s a good one.”

None of them ended up buying any books. They just enjoyed the ambiance of the store and browsed idly for about an hour before leaving.

Another two days passed. Dean spent almost all of his waking hours with Cas. Sam seemed to be enjoying the time to himself, so Dean didn’t bother him much. He showed Cas countless movies and even made him help cook burgers one evening. 

Dean knew their break had to end soon. Hunting wasn’t something they could just put aside for very long. He emerged from his room on the fifth day of their break and immediately went looking for Cas. 

He knocked on Cas’s bedroom door. “Cas, you in there?” No answer. Dean knocked again and waited. Nothing. He opened the door and peeked inside. He saw an empty bed, and then realized the entire room was empty. 

His heart sank once the knowledge that Cas was gone sank in. He sighed and closed the door. It was only a matter of time, he supposed. Cas wasn’t one to stay in one place for very long. 

Without Cas, the bunker felt a little lonely. Sam was still in his room, which left Dean alone. It almost felt like a hole had opened up within Dean. It wasn’t the first time that it happened. In fact, it happened every time Cas left. It left Dean feeling empty and hollow. In the back of his mind, he knew why, but he didn’t want to face those feelings, not yet. 

Dean moped around the bunker for a few hours before deciding that he needed some fresh air. He made himself a sandwich and walked outside to eat it. It was fall, so the air was crisp and a little breezy. The leaves had all changed colors and covered the forest floor.

Dean walked to his favorite spot to sit outside. It was just off the road and it was a nice and small clearing where he could relax.

Much to his surprise, someone was already there. He couldn’t see their face, but there was definitely a shirtless person sitting against a tree right in his favorite spot. 

Dean’s hand was over his gun tucked into his waistband until he got close enough to see their face. 

It was Cas. 

Cas was sitting on the ground, shirtless, up against the tree Dean always sat against. He wasn’t looking at Dean, but he seemed to know that he was there. 

“Cas? What are you doing out here?” Dean stood right over him and forced his eyes to stay on Cas’s face rather than...the rest of him. 

Cas finally turned his head to look at Dean. He had a nervous smile. “Hello, Dean. I was hoping that we could talk.”

Dean sat down warily. “How did you know I’d come out here?”

“I guessed. I wanted to be outside for this anyway, and I know you come out here when you need to clear your head.”

Dean took his sandwich out of the bag he brought and took a large bite, desperately needing something else to focus on. “That doesn’t explain why you’re shirtless.”

Cas smiled a little. “What kind of sandwich is that?”

“Turkey, and you didn’t answer me.”

Cas looked away. “I wanted you to see me.”

Dean’s face turned red and he nearly choked on his sandwich. “You wanted me to see you shirtless? Why?”

“I have a reason for it. I didn’t want to ruin my clothes.”

Dean choked for real that time. He coughed and his face was on fire. Once he finally had his bearings, he spoke. “We are not boning in the woods, I have a perfectly nice bed inside.”

Cas frowned. “I’m not asking you to have intercourse with me. At least, not right now.”

Dean’s face got impossibly redder. He took a moment to compose himself. “Just...Just tell me what’s going on and quit being vague.”

“I’m trying.” Cas sighed. “You’ve seen my vessel, which is a part of me, but you could consider it a mask. It hides my true form, which is something you could never see. Sometimes I wish you could see my true form, because it’s truly me, and I want you to see that.” He paused. “There is one thing I can show you, something that’s truly me.”

Dean was still reeling, so it took him a moment to process what Cas had said. “So, um, what is it?”

“My wings.”

Dean’s brows shot up. “Really? I can see those without my eyes burning out?”

Cas nodded, rolling his shoulders. “It does expend some energy to bring them into this plane of existence, which is why I never have them out. They’re also very bulky, and they get in the way. I can fly without them out.”

Dean took another bite of his sandwich to calm himself down a little more. “So, that’s why you’re shirtless?” Realization hit. “You’d ruin your clothes because the wings would rip them. I get it now.” He sighed. “You must think I’m a massive perv now, if you didn’t already.”

Cas shook his head. “No, I don’t. Besides, it’s not like I wouldn’t like what you suggested.”

“I’m picking up on that now.” 

Cas scooted away from the tree a little. “I want you to see my wings, because I want you to see me for what I am. This time we’ve spent together over the last few days, it’s made me realize that what I thought were just thoughts, are actually very strong feelings. Being around you is like nothing I’ve ever experienced in all of my millennia. I’ve become more than just an angel. I have more human-like qualities now, which has made me better. I don’t know if it makes me a better angel, but I know that I’m better than them for being like you. You did that for me, Dean. The profound bond we share, it’s gone beyond that of just friends, hasn’t it?”

Dean stared at Cas with wide eyes and a slack jaw. Everything that he had been burying came barreling to the surface and he was left speechless for a moment. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Cas nodded, his lips curling up into a small smile. “I love you, Dean.”

Dean’s heart stopped briefly. His sandwich was long forgotten and all he could do was stare for a while. The words were right there on the tip of his tongue, but he was so afraid. He knew what it was like to lose someone he loved, and it felt like if he said those words, it would mean losing Cas. Almost everyone he ever loved had died. It felt like a curse, one Dean could never impose on Cas. 

Cas reached out and placed a hand on Dean’s knee. “I know you’re scared. I want you to know that from now on, I’m going to take better care of myself. You’ve seen me, I get myself into trouble constantly. Because of you, I plan on sticking around. You’re not going to lose me. I’ll follow you to the end of the earth.”

Dean swallowed. The touch, the words of reassurance, Cas’s gaze, they brought a wave of calm over him that swept over like a tidal wave. Even if it was just for a moment, Dean felt like everything was going to be okay. “I...I love you too, Cas.”

Cas stared at Dean for a long moment. All they could do was look at each other and feel the weight of those words hang in the air. 

Dean snapped out of his trance when something dark unfurled from behind Cas. He sat back and watched two massive wings spread out behind him. The feathers were jet black, but the ones that the sun hit just right reflected every color of the rainbow. 

It was nearly a minute before Dean finally spoke. “Whoa.”

Cas had his eyes averted. He looked reserved, maybe even shy. 

Dean pulled his eyes away from Cas’s wings to look at his face. “What, do you not like them? They’re awesome.”

“Other angels like to make jokes about them. They’re not the fluffy white wings that you’d come to expect.”

Dean shook his head. “These are so much better.” He smiled a little. “Hey, thanks for showing me.”

Cas finally met Dean’s eyes. “Thank you for letting me. I’ve wanted to do this for some time.”

Dean got up and moved to sit beside Cas. He sat so close that their sides were touching. “I think I’ve wanted to have this conversation for some time too.” He grinned when Cas’s wing wrapped around him, holding him closer. 

When Cas looked at Dean, both of them knew what they wanted. Their eyes flicked down to each other’s lips, and then it was settled. Dean leaned in and did what he had wanted to do for years. 

He finally kissed his best friend. 

It was sweet and oh-so-right. It felt like everything in Dean’s life had led up to kissing Cas. 

In Dean’s life, things never felt certain, but with Cas, he could feel certain that they loved one another, and that they would follow each other wherever they went. Nothing could break a bond that powerful.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and dating Dean Portman

(Not my gif)(requested by @rschelberry )

- You saw Dean before you met him. You were stood off to the side watching the new recruits when he first came out onto the ice. You watched apprehensively as he threw people down and made an interesting first impression. He was entertaining that’s for sure.

- You; just like the other ducks, were unsure of the newcomers and not so keen on sharing the ice with a bunch of strangers. But you stayed back when they went to argue with each other knowing that nothing you said or did would change the predicament you were in.

- Dean “first saw you” or rather first paid attention to you when you smoothly skated over as Bombay and Tibbles spoke. You shared looks with your fellow teammates while he caught his first glimpse of your face and what a face it was.

- It wasn’t until later that you spoke to him for the first time. It was right after Les tried to ask about his tattoo that you stepped in, stretching out a hand and introducing yourself. He put on his best tough guy face and gave your hand a firm shake.

“Enforcer huh?”

“Mhm.”

“Well I’m a left wing so we’ll be seeing a lot of each other. Welcome to the team Portman.” You said as nonchalantly as you could while you walked away. Oh he liked you.

- Like Fulton said: “Deans not scared of anything” and once he’s set his eyes on something he’s going to find a way to get it. You just happen to be that something.

- At first he just watches you a lot especially when the team isn’t exactly a “team”. Your fellow Ducks don’t take too kindly to the brutes infatuation. They glare at him and warn you to stay away from him, often purposefully trying to block you from view.

- When (and before) the team starts to bond you notice that Dean acts differently around you or at least to you. He’s nicer, slightly quieter, and more helpful. There’s definitely a visible difference between how he treats you and everyone else.

- You two are on friendly terms before anyone else which slightly irritates the Ducks. They don’t want you around him, much like an older sibling/parent doesnt want you around a “bad influence”. They don’t trust him.

- But, it’s only when everyone’s on good terms that he actively starts to pursue you. One day things just sort of … change? He starts flirting with you which throws you for a loop; you think he’s just kidding at first but then you realize he’s being serious. You’re confused but at the same time you…sorta like it?

- His flirting consists of teasing you, twirling your hair, complimenting you, flexing and winking when he catches you looking at him. And you let it go on for a while because it makes you feel good and you kinda like him back until one day he decides it’s time to confess.

- You’re hanging out with him in your room and he’s messing around with your stuff while you do your homework. You’re both just in a comfortable silence until he speaks.

“Hey y/n/n?”

“Mhm.”

“What would you say if I told you I loved you?” You sort of freeze as you try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach.

“Well I don’t know,” you smile. “Why? Is there something you want to tell me?”

- He looks at you and shakes his head with a smile. “Y/n y/l/n I am completely, madly in love with you.”

“Well Dean Portman, it’s a good thing I’m in love with you as well.”

- He nearly tackles you onto your bed before the two of you share your first kiss. The whole time you’re thinking that any minute now you’ll wake up but you don’t and you open your eyes again to find him staring back at you with a smile.

- Technically that was your first date but you don’t really count it as such. No, your first date was at a theme park. He bought both of you tickets and the two of you had a blast screaming your lungs out on roller coasters. He even won you a prize on one of the games they had which you still have sitting on your bed to this day.

- After he won you the prize he asks if he’s “won your heart too” and you guess he really has because the two of you have been together ever since.

- He’s honestly the sweetest guy you’ve ever met. Behind his tough exterior he has a heart of gold.

- Soo many pet names. Babe, baby, honey, sweetie, angel; he rarely ever says your name.

- You call him your/a big teddy bear and he never outright denies it even though he has his bad boy reputation to keep up.

- The instant you seem even the slightest bit sad he’s trying to figure out what’s wrong and getting all soft on you. This boy turns into the human embodiment of comfort. His voice softens, he hugs you, kisses your forehead, listens intently, just everything and anything you could ever want when you’re upset.

- He scares off anyone that annoys you. You don’t even have to say anything, he just senses your impatience/discomfort and acts.

- You think you’ve seen protective, you’ve seen nothing yet. If he even hears about someone bothering you he’s immediately ready to kick ass. He offers to fight them which you laugh at but he’s only slightly kidding.

- It’s a good thing it’s sort of his job to take care of you on the ice because he’s constantly making sure no one gets to you and putting people who knock you down in their place.

- He’s like a moderate to severe on the jealous scale. If there’s a real reason to be jealous then he’ll get jealous (and will probably take it up with the guy). But if there’s really no reason to be he won’t be, like when you’re being platonic with a guy friend or just talking to a guy at lunch.

- He’s well aware that he’s good looking and…athletic; especially for his age, so he isn’t really all that worried about you running off with someone else. Just his appearance alone keeps people away from you, let alone his reputation. It’s rare that a guy is genuinely flirting with you.

- And regardless the both of you make it obvious that you’re only interested in each other which means you don’t have to worry about any girls getting to him either.

- He’s a cuddle bug; he can’t last a day without cuddling. He’ll always deny it but time and time again he’s the one pulling you onto the bed. Doesn’t matter where, doesn’t matter when; he’ll find a way to cuddle you.

- Tracing his tattoo.

- Sitting on his lap.

- Straddling his stomach while he runs his hands up and down your thighs.

- Makeout sessions while listening to rock music. He’s probably made a makeout mixtape for the two of you.

- He just loves making you mixtapes. He’s genuinely spent hours making you; what he thinks is, the perfect mixtape.

- Dancing and yelling out the lyrics to your favorite songs together.

- Doing stupid reckless shit together.

- I’m convinced that he’s the type of guy who buys cheap glass/porcelain and invites you over to smash it with him.

- He always makes sure he’s next to you when you’re sitting with the team on the benches or hanging out with friends.

- Obviously being really close to Fulton. He never minds being a third wheel or having you tag along on “bro nights”.

- The two of you share looks at each other constantly. Someone does something stupid or weird you’re immediately giving each other side eyes and looking to see if the other person saw.

- Bear hugs.

- He’s always touching you in someway. Arm over your shoulders, hand on your waist, hugging you from behind, etc, etc.

- Swatting his hands away when he tries to touch your butt.

- Ice cream and fast food dates.

- Taking long walks together. Sometimes you find something to do along the way, other times you just enjoy each other’s company.

- Having your own handshake.

- Matching bandannas? Matching bandannas.

- Wearing his clothes even though they’re huge on you.

- He always loves when you wear his old jersey. He just can’t stop staring at you and smiling whenever you have it on.

- Giving each other pep talks and having little pre game rituals.

- Calming him down when refs make a harsh or ridiculous call. It’s honestly pretty easy since the moment he sees you he just naturally calms. He’s a big tough guy but he was raised right and that means no taking your anger out on others and not taking things too seriously.

- Even though he’s a total macho man he loves when you take care of/baby him. Want to bandage the tiny cut he got on his hand? Be his guest; he’ll subtly play up the pain just to get an extra “Aw” and a kiss.

- Beach dates.

- Theme park, carnival and amusement park dates; just places with that general chaotic aura.

- Bowling dates.

- He always carries your things for you. Doesn’t matter how light, doesn’t matter how heavy, he’s taking it.

- He likes to pick you up at random. Just throws you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes or lifts you off the ground and places you a foot or so away from where you were previously standing. He feels very satisfied when you shriek in surprise, lightly smack him on the arm or break out laughing.

- He constantly tries to flex and show off in front of you. …yummy….

- He takes great pride in making you flustered.

- He likes teasing you in any way he can. Holding something over his head, tickling you, straight up (playfully) making fun of you, all that good shit.

- Soo many compliments and ‘I love yous’. He wants you to know that you’re his world goddamnit!

- He genuinely cannot wait you make you Mrs. Portman and will tell it to your face.

[anika-ann]

Errare Humanum Est - Pt.8

Enchanted

Type: series, soulmate AU series  (part 1, part 2)     x Supernatural

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader (past?)    Word count: 3900

Summary: Dealing with witches is always messy. Sometimes they help... if there’s something in it for them. 

Rowena might be a powerful witch, but in certain aspects, she’s no different from the others of her kind.

Warnings: mentions of violence, blood, supernatural elements, mentions of amnesia, swearing (always)

Story masterlist

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“What are you doing here?” Dean asked, 100% done with the woman.

She was… a classy lady. She could be over fifty, but she apparently was taking a very good care of herself, clearly having money to do so too. Her curly hair was copper red, face covered in makeup to hide some of her age. She was very slim, but in no fragile matter – you had a hunch that her delicate outside hid a very strong inside.

“Drinking my tea,” she replied innocently and despite only just meeting her, you could tell she was full of it.

“Cut the crap, Rowena,” Sam spitted out, crossing his arms on his chest.

You blinked, surprised by Sam’s hostile demeanour. If even Sam, the epitome of a gentle person, was acting this way…

The woman put the cup down, sighing.

“Samuel, Samuel… What does it look like I’m doing? I’m cleaning up the mess before you did. You could show a little gratitude. There were witches who were gathering strength against me by sucking a life out of poor virginal girls and I stopped them.”

Witches. So the two men found dead had been witches indeed. Who was this woman then? What was she?!

“You ripped their little soldiers off!” Dean hissed exasperatedly, adjusting to the low volume of the conversation. Despite yourself, you giggled.

The woman glanced at you, seemingly not bothered by your presence at all.

“Ah. Hello, darling. And you would be-“ she started sweetly, only for her breath to get caught in her throat, her eyes widening. “Ahh. Such potential! Where did you get her? Soulmates are of great value on the market! The power in the soul bond magic is enormous, especially with a woman like her!”

“You can tell that? Damn!” Dean exclaimed, impressed. Sam shot him a murder glare.

“Can I have her? Just for a sip?” Rowena turned back to the brothers, voice filled with hope.

“No!” Sam snapped instantly, subtly looking around if anyone noticed them. You wouldn’t be surprised, but you frankly didn’t care much.

What the hell was she talking about? Sip? Like… from the heart like with those poor girls? And what the hell did she mean ‘woman like her’?!

“Eh, Samuel. Don’t be so uptight. Besides, I was talking to the lady – sadly, she needs to give her consent. Can I, darling?”

You gulped, not comforted by her gentle smile at all. She looked terrifying and the idea was even more terrifying and— you might be panicking a little.

“I… I don’t think so? How do you know— who are you? Who is she?” you demanded shakily.

“Hm… then I guess I’ll have to be the nice witch again.”

Oh. So she was a witch too. And other witches apparently hated her, gathering strength to fight her. Wonderful. And clearly, she had crossed paths with the brothers before. Simply perfect.

“What do you mean?” Sam squinted at her suspiciously, while Dean absently gave the waitress money for your food and sent her away rather rudely so he could continue glaring at the witch.

“Well, she’s been resurrected, yes?” the redhead beckoned to you, making your blood run cold. Ah, that was what she meant. How the fuck did she know that?! “I suppose you’re looking for her other half and have no idea where to start. I can help. You’ll owe me then, of course, but… I’m nothing but generous.”

Your heart positively stopped. You were horrified. You were scared. You were stunned.

She could do that?! She could find your soulmate?! Despite feeling… uncomfortable for the lack of better word, with her helping you, everything in you screamed YES, your chest already tightening with anticipation and hope.

She could find him. The man calling you doll. The man whom you dreamed about, warm hands and sweet voice. She could-

You were snapped out of your musing by a loud grind of teeth, stereo-delivered by both Sam and Dean.

“Fine.“

“It’s lovely to meet you, darling. I’m Rowena,” she stood up and offered her hand for you to shake. You casted an unsure glance at Sam. Was it safe to accept it?

He gave an unwilling little nod.

You smiled tightly at the witch. “Nice to meet you. I’m… Natasha… I guess.”

She patted the back of your hand with her left palm. “It’s alright, sweetie. I can spot an induced amnesiac a mile away.”

“Induced?” Sam fretted.

“Caused by bringing her back from… Heaven?” she questioned, looking you up from head to toe as she finally released your hand. You found it incredibly creepy that she knew that much about you. Could she read minds or what?! “I swear, boys, you are always pulling out the strangest stunts. Let’s go now. We have an important task to complete.”

The reluctance of every one of you apart from the witch was nearly palpable, but it seemed you wordlessly agreed she was your best option right now.

You gulped as Rowena left a twenty on the table and led you out of the restaurant, unmistakeably finding the car you arrived in. She slid to the backseat elegantly, giving Dean instructions to drive to her suite.

“No need to worry, darling. I’ll point you towards the love of your life in no time.”

At that note, you weren’t sure whether it was the process or the goal that scared you more. You remained silent.

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

“So… what exactly are you going to do?” Dean asked the million dollar question.

The drive was silent, only Rowena’s voice sometimes disturbing the quiet when telling Dean to take a turn.

Her suite was in a large luxurious hotel with freaking valets who didn’t have a single problem with three extra people coming in, basically showering you with questions about what they could do for you; you imagined it was Rowena’s doing and you weren’t thinking money. It was more than disturbing.

Entering the suite itself, the four of you were left alone, which led to Dean finally asking what was about to happen. Rowena pointedly ignored him and looked at you when answering.

“Well, I’ll just sneak a peek at your soul bond. You are still bound, even though probably not as strongly. I can look at the bond, follow it and let it lead me to your soulmate like the Ariadne’s threat leading Theseus from the Minotaur’s labyrinth.”

You understood the basic thing, her following some kind of a threat that connected you to your soulmate. Except you had no idea what she was talking about.

“…is that… like a pop culture reference or…? ‘Cause I don’t understand those.”

“Something like that,” Sam assured you with a bit of a patronizing smile. Unsure, you felt blood rush to your cheeks. You had a feeling you just made a fool of yourself. Then again… amnesiac here, alright?

“Of course you wouldn’t know, darling, my bad.”

Sam stepped in again. “Rowena, what ingredients do you need?”

“That’s the most brilliant thing, Samuel. Nothing. I simply… go online so to speak. Connect to their long-distance wi-fi. The only thing I need is her giving me the password. Or give up her firewall so I can hack their connection so to speak,” she explained with a blinding smile and earned three strange glances. One was confused – yours – and the other two were just… dubious and astounded. “No? I thought you were the local IT guy, Samuel.”

“What the hell, Rowena? Do witches use goggle now?” Dean nagged.

“Don’t be silly, Dean. I happened to spent beautiful months with a director of a software company. Of course, then his money ran out and I had to leave… but until that moment, ah, paradise, for his age-”

“Alright! TMI...” Dean threw his hand in the air, not unlike when Sam had tried to stop Dean from talking earlier. Rowena only winked, while you managed to do nothing but stare.

You were perfectly at lost. Was she their friend? Was she an enemy? Their aunt or something? She surely enjoyed making fun of them and clearly could be pain in their asses. Also… was she truly enchanting people so she could have whatever she wanted? ‘Cause it definitely looked like it now…

“I thought so. Can we get started so I can point you the right direction and we can all we be on our way?”

“Wait, you can just point us the right direction?” Dean demanded, frowning at her from his height, but she didn’t seem intimidated, more like slightly irritated with his questions, that she apparently found dumb.

“It’s magic, Dean, not GPS!”

“Could have fooled me…” Sam hummed, squinting at her as well.

Yeah, you didn’t like it either. Still, she was your best shot at finding your soulmate. Tough luck. You exchanged a look with Sam, who eyed his brother wryly. Guess you were all in agreement at that.

“Just… just do it,” Dean sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose as if tired.

The witch, on the other hand, seemed to be radiating excitement, which you didn’t like. You hated to admit it, but you were afraid of her; of her apparent immense power, to be precise. It didn’t help that she pulled out an ancient-looking bowl from her cabinet and a blade from the drawer of her nightstand.

Was she gonna cut you?!

“Oh, I will do it. May I, darling?”

You didn’t react to her question, eyeing the brothers once more. Their expressions dimmed even more at the sight of the tools Rowena was about to use, but Sam gave a sharp nod and attempted a reassuring smile.

Well. Shit. Still your only option if you ever wanted to find your soulmate, apparently. Your life sucked. Then again, at least you were alive.

You sighed and slowly laid your shaking hand into Rowena’s outstretched palm and she circled her slender fingers around your wrist, leading your joined hands above the bowl.

“Now, do you recall anything about your soulmate at all?” she asked, voice almost gentle.

You licked your lips nervously, a lump growing in your throat.

“I heard a voice in my dream. I’m pretty sure that’s it,” you admitted and hoped the shiver running through your, both from fear and anticipation, escaped everyone else’s notice.

Wishful thinking, probably.

“Mm. Good. Close your eyes and focus all you can on the voice. I think we established that I’m going to cut you, so try not to be too surprised and avoid breaking your concentration as much as possible. Are we clear, sweetie?”

People really needed to stop calling you things. It was getting incredibly annoying – you might only have a fake name, but it was still a name.

You kept your mouth shut though, not wanting to irk the witch, and simply nodded, your eyes falling shut.

Your soulmate’s voice was crystal clear in your ears, tender and sultry ‘doll’ caressing and tempting your heart. An involuntary smile slowly spread on your lips. You wanted to find the owner of that voice. And for that, sacrifices had to be made.

You barely gasped when the blade scrapped over your skin, barely breaking the surface. Your hand was manipulated then, turned over and squeezed until you felt droplets of blood trickle down and fall off your hand.

That was when the witch started enchanting, the strange words sending a shiver down your spine. The colour of her voice was richer now, thicker, crimson as the blood on your hand.

‘Doll,’ you forced yourself to hear instead, one simple word growing so familiar it made your heart ache and swell. Warm light flickered behind your eyelids, flashing through your whole being, an electric discharge running through your nerve endings and igniting every cell of your body, tender heat gathering in your chest.

Soft inhale escaped your lips at the blissful feeling, the light only growing.

And then it was over, the tingling sensation snapping like a rubber band, recoiling into a tiny ball of warmth around your heart. You hand automatically reached that direction, but the world swayed off its place.

A pair of strong hands gripped your shoulders from behind, a panicked cry of ‘Natasha!’ echoing in your ears, barely audible, muffled by an indefinable buzzing.

You blinked your eyes open, finding a redhead woman staring at you funnily.

“Nat, you good?” sounded behind you and you realized that, surprisingly enough, Dean was the one to catch you, his grip on you not even faltering when you turned your head to him. A worried wrinkle, rather uncharacteristic for him, sat on his forehead. You tried to stand up straighter, whispering a thank you.

“Did you see something?” Sam asked and you opened your mouth to try and describe the incredible feeling that had run through you, only to realize he spoke to Rowena.

“Y-yes.”

If you didn’t know better, you’d think she was… shaken.

“What is it? You’re looking at me funny,” you pried, not able to think of a better word than that.

She tilted her head and went to explain herself, observing you with almost fascinated expression. “The bond… it’s still very strong. But differently.”

“…that says nothing to us,” Dean deadpanned. Rowena looked at him sharply.

“I’m trying to explain, you dummy. The bond is always there, whether the soulmates met or not – it grows stronger when they are together, working on their relationship. But the power of this one… it feels unusual. It’s not as if they are strengthening it right now, it’s like they are yet about to meet, which I do find understandable. But… this power… it tasted almost electric. I’ve never encountered it before.”

You blinked in shock, the haze surrounding you ever since she started doing her magic thing dispersing. Now you were just dumbfounded.

“What does it mean?” you whispered, reluctant. Neither Dean nor Sam seemed to find the courage to ask.

“I don’t know, darling. Might be the fact you had died. Or you’re simply special.”

Dean cleared his throat loudly. “Right. So, where is her soulmate?”

“New York City,” the witch replied, small smile tugging on her lips while her eyes never left you, too invested in your… anomaly.

Anomaly. No kidding. You had been dead. That was probably it, right? Nothing more. Nothing to worry about. You couldn’t afford to get any weirder.

“That’s it? There are eight million people there!” Sam cried out, throwing his hands in the air.

Rowena’s smile grew.

“Are you attracted to women, darling?”

“Uhm… no, I don’t think so…?” you stuttered, your cheeks reddening at that implication. You were pretty sure you weren’t. Right?

“See, Samuel, then it’s only four million. I don’t suppose she’s destined to fall in love with a baby either, or a senior citizen-“

Dean coughed tactlessly, which earned you a curious look from the witch and Dean a sharp glare from his brother.

You had no doubt Dean thought of your crossed out soulmark. Maybe you couldn’t dismiss that idea yet, but… that was strange, right? You couldn’t find yourself to fall in love with someone who was 95 years old for god’s sake.

“…so that narrows it down, doesn’t it?” the witch continued. “But just because I like you, Samuel, I can tell you he should be on the island of Manhattan.”

“That’s better. Thank you.”

Rowena’s smile turned into a predatory smirk. “Aww, Samuel, you don’t have to thank me. You’ll repay me.”

“Of course we will...” Dean remarked sarcastically, unwillingness mixing with disgust on his face.

There was no hesitation. Thanks to this woman, your soulmate got much realer than ever. Not just a soulmark. Not just a voice. A person living in New York City, Manhattan.

Sam and Dean had been the ones to lead you to her; it was only fair if they didn’t have to suffer the consequences more than they already had.

You stepped towards Rowena, taking a deep breath, hoping to look courageous. You couldn’t deny your fear, but you could show your determination.

“Hey, if you… if you, uhm… take a sip of that soul bond magic you were talking about… will it hurt me much?”

“Why would you ask that, darling?” she asked with sweet innocence despite you being sure she knew the answer.

“No, don’t-!” Sam called out at the same time, springing forward. You stopped him subtly with your hand.

“And if you take it, their debt towards you won’t exist?” you continued, seeing you had intrigued her greatly.

“I suppose not. That would be only fair.”

You bit your lip. One question remained, not less important than the previous ones. “And it wouldn’t affect my soulmate?”

He was a real man, now. A man with a voice and a vague address. This was no joke.

“I promise it will neither hurt you too much, nor will it even scratch your soulmate, darling,” Rowena declared, delighted as she sensed victory.

Your heart didn’t miss a beat; the decision was made. “Take it, then.”

“Natasha!” the brothers cried out simultaneously, not taking what you were offering. You turned to them with an honest smile.

“It’s a small price for what you’ve been doing for me. And it’s not even over yet. It’s alright. Let me start repaying my debt towards you instead of making it grow.”

The sincerity you spoke with must have shown on your face too, because their defensiveness eased a fraction. They grimaced, but didn’t protest further.

Dean’s eyes move to glare at Rowena, hard.

“If it hurts her-“

“Then what, Dean? I would have you on my arse and that’s too annoying, believe me,” she spitted out, her British accent growing even thicker when she got agitated. “Don’t worry about her.”

“It’s our job to worry,” Dean muttered under his breath and everyone decided to ignore it.

Sam’s gaze remained fixed on you, full of concern.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to do this, Natasha. That’s not how it works. You don’t owe us.”

You were touched by the sentiment, the honesty of his words. If for nothing else, than for the good they carried in their hearts you had to do this.

“I believe you, Sam. You wouldn’t want anything in return. Which is why I have to give it,” you explained softly, glancing at the witch. “What do you want me to do?”

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Sam did not like this. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciat the thought, Natasha not wanting to get them into the position of having the duty to repay Rowena somehow, but… something about how happy Rowena was at the turn of events was unsettling.

“Not much,” Rowena assured the younger woman and took her hand again. “Think about your soulmate again and when you feel a nudge – you’ll recognize when that happens – you just let me in. Simple as that.”

Sam could feel the disapproval radiating from Dean as well and they exchanged a grim look. He knew his brother took a witch killing bullets with him, just in case. They probably wouldn’t truly hurt Rowena, the witch extraordinaire, but it would slow her down if the need arose. Dean wouldn’t take Rowena’s shit.

Despite the easy-going exterior and attitude, Sam knew better. Dean cared for the people they helped. And he grew fond of Natasha very quickly; he hadn’t been kidding when threatening Rowena. Naturally, Sam was with him on that one; he just wasn’t as vocal about it as Dean.

The witch reopened the cut on Natasha’s palm and the woman closed her eyes again. Drops of her blood fell to the bowl as Rowena whispered words in language nearly as old as time. Natasha gasped when red smoke started ascending despite not seeing it. Sam guessed the nudge Rowena had mentioned arrived and was stronger than the poor woman had expected.

Dean’s hand twitched to his side towards the gun and Sam gulped.

Light coloured in warm gold, not unlike the one they had seen during the first spell, started escaping the cut, curling playfully as it hovered above the skin of Natasha’s palm. Rowena cut her own hand and placed it over the glow which danced wildly before being sucked into the witch’s wound.

A breathless whimper escaped Natasha’s lips, while Rowena’s eyes glowed violet in a familiar display of her magic. This time even Sam stepped forward, ready to break whatever process was in motion. Rowena cried out another words, her fingers extending over Natasha’s palm and Sam recognized that nope, this was not supposed to happen.

Before he could as much as lunge after the witch or before Dean could draw his gun, Natasha’s back arched and her injured hand curled into fist with a swift snap, causing the smoke and glow vanish. Rowena gasped and Sam had a fraction of second to notice their new friend’s legs were about to give out again. He jumped behind her, catching her before she crumbled towards the ground, her dead weight all on him.

Dean was already aiming his gun at the witch, expression hard.

“What did you do to her, Rowena?” he demanded sharply, unlocking the safety lock.

Sam readjusted his grip on Natasha as gently as he could, taking her pulse, watching her torso in hope to see her inhale. Luckily, she was still breathing, her heart beating. He shot the witch a murderous glare.

“Probably just passed out,” he informed his brother, but the older hunter didn’t appear mollified. To be fair, neither was Sam. He gritted his teeth. “You wanted to take it all, didn’t you?”

Rowena rolled her eyes.

“Not all of it. Just a little bit more than one sip, maybe.”

Seriously? She wasn’t even denying it?!

“Don’t get your pants in the twist, Winchester. She’ll sleep it off. She’s a sneaky one though – or her soulmate is, I can’t tell. They wouldn’t let me take more…”

Sam didn’t bother fighting the pride that filled him on Natasha’s behalf. Good for her. She was strong. She was a fighter. She wouldn’t have let Rowena to take her soulmate from her. She believed in the bond with the man she didn’t even know too much for that. He smirked; no wonder Dean liked her so much so soon.

“Oh please, put the gun down, Dean. I mean no harm. I should warn you, though. Her soulmate… I believe the power I feel is coming from him. I’ve never encountered it before indeed. You might want to look out,” she noted, healing the cut on her hand with a simple wiggle on her uninjured hand.

“Don’t pretend you care,” Dean spitted out, but lowered the gun, more annoyed at Rowena’s attempts to drain the soul bond than anything else. Things sure would be different if she had truly hurt Natasha.

One corner of Rowena’s lips quirked as she gave them a tiny wave, dismissing them.

“Off you go. The door’s that way. The valets will let you out. She’ll probably be pretty thirsty and hungry when she finally wakes up. Until next time, boys,” she said cheerily and Sam sighed, gathering Natasha in his arms, bridal style.

It wasn’t like she was about to wake up now and walked out on her own, apparently.

Dean glared at Rowena as they left the room, mumbling curses under his breath. “Fucking witches. Every time…”

They stepped into an elevator, the older brother still snarling. “At least she could have healed her too…”

Sam silently agreed as Dean pressed the button to the ground floor and took Natasha’s hand gently to examine the damage then.

Both brothers blinked when they only saw the blood and no wound; Rowena must have healed Nat’s cut. Dean glanced up, meeting Sam’s equally surprised gaze.

“Like I said. Fucking witches.”

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Part 9

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I immensely enjoyed writing this chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading it ;)

Kudos to you ♥ Especially if you’re one of people letting me know your thoughts on the story.

[whatareyousearchingfordean]

Happiness Begins

Part 14

Chapter Summary: The reader and Jensen enjoy their time together in whatever way that they can. 

Word Count: 3.2K+

Warnings: Language, semi-public sex, unprotected sex, awkward conversation

Author’s Note: This part really got the better of me, and I’m not even sorry for the extremely awkward scene in here. Besides, I think it will work out interestingly in later parts. It was inspired by an actual conversation between Jared and Jensen. Once you read I’m sure you’ll know what I’m talking about ;) Okay, enough rambling.... enjoy! xo Alex

Catch up with the series masterlist then head on over to Alexandra’s Library for more works by yours truly!

Keeping their extracurricular activities contained to Jensen’s apartment was, for the most part, an easy endeavor. The tricky part was not letting Clif in on their secret. She spent her fair share of money on Ubers back and forth from Jensen’s apartment in the evenings. It wasn’t that they didn’t trust Clif to keep their secret, it was that they didn’t want to put him in the position that he would have to. In the end, she would say that it was worth it. The two of them had the chance to act like a semi normal couple. At least, there was no one she had to lie to about where she was going. Unfortunately, their week was up quicker than they had anticipated. 

A soft ding rang out in the quiet room. The sun was just rising over the horizon as he stirred awake. Jensen reached over for his phone, careful not to disturb the woman sleeping next to him. He opened his phone, only one eye open as he adjusted to the light. He had to read the text twice before his sleep riddled brain could comprehend what he had read. 

“Shit.” He cursed under his breath and rolled over. He gently shook her shoulder and she groaned in response.

“Sweetheart, you gotta get up.”

“Why?” she whined, her face still stuffed into the pillow. The two of them had spent the beginning of their Saturday night drinking too much beer and eating more pizza than was humanly possible followed by an emotional viewing of Titanic, much to Jensen’s dismay. Then they spent the rest of it rolling around between Jensen’s sheets.

“Jared just texted me, he’s back early and wants to shoot some hoops. He’s already on his way over here.” Jensen explained as he brushed her hair from her face. At the news of her brother heading their way, she bolted upright. 

“What? Fuck!” She nearly fell out of the bed in her haste to get up. She picked up her various articles of clothing around the room, slipping them on as she went. “Oh, god. If he noticed I wasn’t home, shit. Does he not wait for a response?” Her thoughts just fell from her mouth as they crossed her mind. She looked over at Jensen who was out of bed now too.

“Apparently not.” He shrugged as he slipped a t-shirt over his head. He grabbed a pair of basketball shorts as he chased after her out of his room. She was running around the kitchen, looking for her coat and purse, Jensen just watching her, not sure how to help her at that moment. 

“Babe, have you seen my phone?” She asked as she pulled on her coat, her hands searching the pockets for any trace of it. 

“Um, last I saw it was on the coffee table.” He moved towards the couch. Sure enough, there it still sat. He grabbed it for her and she rushed to him. 

“Thank you.” She pulled the phone from his hand, leaning in to place a chaste kiss to his lips. 

“Anytime.” He followed her to the front door of his apartment. “Hey, Y/n/n?” She paused, half way out the open door. 

“Yeah?” She turned towards him. Her hair was still disheveled from their activities last night and sleep. Her mascara had run in the corners of her eyes a little bit, but the smile on her face as she turned to him, well, he swore his heart skipped a beat. 

“This is okay, right?” He knew she would understand what he was asking. Neither one of them had stepped into this relationship with any preconceived notions about what this was. That didn’t mean he felt bad, kicking her out in the morning like she was his mistress and his wife would be here any second. 

She flashed him a wicked smile and shrugged. “It’s kinda fun actually. Running around and fucking each other in secret, it’s all kind of thrilling.” 

“You’re sure?.” 

“I’m sure, Jay. I gotta go, though.” She kissed him again, letting her lips linger for a moment this time. He had to fight the urge to chase after her as she pulled away from him. He watched her head the opposite way down the hall and disappeared into the stairwell. 

Jared arrived not even ten minutes later, a basketball in hand. 

“Why do we always have to shoot hoops so early?” Jensen complained as he let Jared into his apartment. Jared followed him to the kitchen where he grabbed a water bottle to fill up. 

“Cause old man, it’s good for you.” He teased, setting the ball down on his island. “Speaking of which, I drank a lot of water this morning, I gotta hit the head.” Jensen waved Jared off as he ran to the bathroom. He shook his head to himself. Jared was insufferable when it came to being healthy. Sometimes, it scared him how much the two of them really were like Sam and Dean. On some days, they were nearly indistinguishable. 

Jensen was screwing the lid onto his water bottle as Jared came back into the kitchen.

“So, did you have a good night last night?” Jared asked, his eyes narrowed at Jensen as he sat down on one of the bar stools. If Jensen had been taking a drink at that moment, he would have spit it everywhere. 

“I mean, I guess.” His voice had risen, the difference in octave only noticeable by him. 

“Dude,” Jared cocked his head. “I know.” Jensen swore he was having a heart attack then. This is what they felt like, right? His heart was in his throat and he couldn’t remember how to breathe. There was no way Jared knew, he would not be this casual if he did.

“Know what?” Jensen kept up his innocent demeanor as his heart beat pounded in his ears. 

“You got laid last night and you didn’t tell me.” Jared shoved his shoulder across the counter. He continued when Jensen cocked his head in confusion. “You didn’t do a good job of hiding the evidence in your bathroom. Now come on, give me all the details. Was she hot?” 

“Well, I don’t... let’s just drop it. And stop being so damn nosey, dude.” Jensen tripped over his words as he tried to come up with something coherent to say. Jared really was too nosey for his own good. Like who in their right mind looks through people's trash? 

“What? It’s not like we haven’t talked about these things in the past. Please, I need to live vicariously through you, kids really put a damper on your sex life. Gen and I barely got two minutes alone all week.” Jared was now giving Jensen Sam’s signature puppy dog eyes. 

“Believe me when I say that you do not want to hear the details.” Jensen mumbled trying not to meet Jared’s eyes. 

“Why was she crazy?” Jensen’s eyes were nearly bulging from his head as he silently begged his friend to just shut up. “She asked you to do something weird didn’t she? Girls are into weird shit nowadays, I guess, I don’t really know. When Gen-” 

“Jared!” Jensen cut him off, really not wanting to hear him say anything else. The two of them had talked about the occasional hookup, Jared less so since he got married, but if he knew what he was saying right now, he’d cut out his own tongue. But Jensen also knew if he didn’t say anything, Jared would not give up. “If I tell you one little thing, will you shut up about it?” 

“Fine.” Jared relented and shifted in his seat like an excited puppy eager for a treat.

Jensen thought over what to say next. He had to come up with something that wouldn’t scar Jared for life if and when their relationship eventually came out, for whatever reason, but also juicy enough to shut him up. “Yes, she was hot. No, she did not ask me to do anything... weird. Happy?” 

“No man, come on, you gotta give me something more than that.” Jared looked at him like a kid in a candy store. He wanted anything but to say the next thing to come out of his mouth, but he knew Jared would not let it go if he didn’t give him something. 

“Fine. She is… particularly well skilled with her… with her mouth.” Jensen tried not to look completely disgusted as he said it out loud. He felt dirty saying out loud. Jensen had a little sister too, and if her husband ever said anything like that to him, he would probably kill him. God, he was so dead. 

“Yeah she was.” Jared was practically cackling while Jensen imagined himself rolling into a tiny ball and then off of a cliff. 

“Can we just go now, please?” Jensen grabbed his water bottle and headed for his front door. 

“Year sure, but if you hook up with this girl again, I want to meet her.” Jared followed after him, a huge smile still plastered on his face. 

I wouldn’t be so sure of that...

****

That following Monday brought all three of them back to set. It was a typical morning, complete with the oddest conversations she had heard two people have. 

“I really don’t think you are getting my point here.” Jensen was focused on her as she worked on his face, though he was currently talking to her brother. It was a tiny habit that Jared hadn’t picked up on, for which she was thankful. She loved the warm feeling his small smile sent through her whole body, too much to make Jensen stop.  

“Oh, it’s you who doesn’t understand my brother.” Jared promised from the chair next to him. 

“Macaulay Culkin would kick Michael Cera’s ass. He’s a crafty little devil.” Jensen argued his side. The two of them had started this whole ‘who would win in a fight’ conversation nearly twenty minutes ago. Neither had yet to make a compromise. 

“No way, in hand to hand combat, Michael’s got the upper hand.”  

“Are you serious? Macaulay's got experience. When have you ever seen Michael in a fight scene?” Jensen shifted his focus back on her. “Y/n please knock some sense into your brother.” 

“Oh no, don’t bring me into this.” Her eyebrows rose on her forehead as she fought back a smile. These two guys could really get out of hand in their conversations. She couldn’t even remember what had started this whole thing in the first place. It was entertaining, she had to admit, but she couldn’t take sides in this one. There is no way she would win. 

“She’s afraid of what you’ll do to her if she agrees with me.” Jensen pointed an accusing finger at Jared. 

“Ah, you are always so confident that I agree with you, huh?” She leaned back against the countertop and crossed her arms. 

“Yeah, cause I’m usually right and both of you know it.” Jensen’s tongue was peeking between his teeth as he stared up at her. The glint in his eye felt like a personal challenge, so she decided to weigh her options.

“Well big guy, I’m sorry to disappoint you but, I have to go with Jared on this one. Michael is a bigger dude and he’s also not weakened by drug addiction.” Jared threw his head back and clapped as he let out his laughter. Jensen’s smile dropped and Y/n was biting the inside of her cheek as she tried to keep a straight face. . 

“If anything the drugs give him an edge.” Jensen muttered under his breath as he stood. Y/n broke then as Jensen muttered his way out of the trailer. She may pay for that one later, but it would be worth it.

“I really would have thought you would have sided with him.” Trish was giggling as she continued to work on Jared. 

“I was, until he got cocky.” She smirked as she collected the makeup into Jensen’s bag. Jared burst out laughing again.

“That’s my girl.” Jared held up his hand to her and she high fived him. 

Y/n went back to collecting the items she would need on set that day when she saw if laying underneath her belt. “Jay left his phone.”

“I’ll take it to him.” Jared held out his hand for the phone without even looking her way. She hesitated, weighing her options yet again. On one hand, she could hand it over and let Jared return it on set. On the other, she was done until filming started and if she took it to him now, they would have a few minutes alone in Jensen’s trailer. 

“I can take it. Besides, Trish isn’t done fixing your face.” She held the phone against her chest. “I’ll see you guys on set.” 

She skipped out of the trailer with Jensen’s bag and phone in hand. Jensen’s trailer wasn’t far from the makeup one, allowing her to arrive in no time. She stepped up onto the first step and knocked on the door. 

“Come in.” Jensen's voice came muffled through the door. With a deep breath, she opened the door and entered. 

“Hey, you forgot your phone.” She started, her voice trailing off as she took him in. He had nixed the flannel and was in just a t-shirt. The material was tight over the expanse of his back and around his biceps. The whole view was intoxicating, and the blood rushing through her body suddenly had her feeling warm. 

“Did I?” Jensen turned towards her, his one eyebrow raised. She flashed the device in her hand before placing it on the counter top. “Hmm...” His lips pursed slightly, hiding a smirk. 

She bit her lip as she realized what he had done. “You did that on purpose, didn't you?” She raked her eyes up his body as he inched closer to her. 

“Maybe...”

“What if Jared had found it? Or Trish? It would have foiled your evil little plan.” She ran her hands up his arms as he slipped his around her waist. 

“Trust me, I was careful to put it where I knew you would find it.” He cocked his head and leaned in, pressing a kiss to her lips. Her body relaxed against his as she allowed herself to be in the moment, to just feel him against her.

“Next time just say something.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Jensen asked as he trailed his lips across her jaw. A shiver ran through her as his lips ghosted across her skin. The hairs across her skin stood up against the stimulation and she could tell her breathing was already picking up.

“I thought we always had fun.” She admitted as her fingers flexed against the muscles of his arms. The timbre in her voice dropped as she licked her lips “I mean, I know I do.” 

A growl rolled up Jensen’s throat and suddenly he was tugging her back towards the couch. 

“Fuck, you can’t say shit like that.” Jensen stopped and put both hands on either side of her face. She grinned up at him. 

“Why’s that?” 

“Cause now I want to bend you over that couch and fuck you until you feel me between your legs all day.” His voice was dangerously low as his hands roamed down and over the globes of her ass. Heat was pooling in her lower belly and her arousal got the better of her. His presence had that effect on her now. Ever since they broke that damn, everything about him drew her in. His jaw, his smell, the way his jeans made his legs look thick and long. She found herself clenching her legs on set just watching him work. 

“So, why don’t you?” Her voice was breathy as she clutched her fingers into the fabric of his t-shirt at his back. 

“I’ve got to be on set in twenty minutes.” His voice was broken as he weakly protested her offer. Jensen brushed a few hairs from her face as she looked up at him. 

“Sounds to me like you’ve got fifteen minutes to make it happen.” Jensen chuckled and stepped away from her, holding up his index finger at her confused expression. She watched as he went to the door and locked it. A huge grin spread across her face as he came back to her. His eyes were dark as he turned her in one swift movement and pulled her back flush against his chest. 

“Challenge accepted.” Jensen nipped at the sensitive skin below her ear and her hips jutted back against him in response. Jensen’s hands worked their way up her sides and around her breasts. His fingers tugged against her nipples through her bra. She let her head fall back against his shoulder as he rolled the hardened nubs in between his fingers. 

“Jay,” 

“Shh, I’ve got you.” He promised as his right hand travelled down her stomach and into the waistband of her leggings. She mewled as his fingers slipped through her folds and began his ministrations.

“Damn baby, always so wet for me.” She nodded, her eyes closed. Her right hand slid up to the side of his head, her lips searching over his jaw as she held onto him. 

“Only you.” Their bodies moved together as her hips searched for friction. She could feel his hard length against her ass as she pushed against him. If his arms weren’t around her, she thought she might collapse under her shaking legs. Her breaths were coming rapidly as her climax grew, the fire inside her heightening all her senses. She was so close when Jensen pulled his hand from her pants. 

“Fuck.” She gasped, the electricity in her body fading as Jensen let go of her. The sound of Jensen’s belt jingling had her blinking her eyes open. She didn’t have time to react before his hands were on her hips again. He pulled down her leggings and panties just below the knee and bent her over. Her hands fell on the back of the couch just in time to catch her fall. 

“I missed this view.” Jensen huffed as he ran his cock through her folds before pressing into her entrance. 

“Mhm, just move.” She pushed back against him. Their time was limited and he was wasting it. “Patience is a virtue you know.” He smacked a hand against her ass, the sting shooting to her core and causing her pussy to clench around him. Jensen growled in response, the action only encouraging him to move faster. 

“Ha!” The sound that left her came from deep in her chest and she couldn’t have helped it even if she wanted to. They were in no position to be discussing virtues. Jensen gripped both hands on her hips, pulling her back to him hard in response as he thrust forward. 

“Fuck, baby you’re so tight.” She didn’t trust her voice any longer, opting to just nod. The coil was tightening inside her and her whole body was vibrating. It was like she no longer recognized herself when they had sex. Never before had she been able to let loose so easily, let alone find her peak so quickly. Jensen had awoken something inside her she never thought was possible, but here she was, ready to come in no time. 

Sensing she was close, Jensen put an arm around her waist and pulled her back against him. He snaked his fingers down and rubbed against her clit in tight circles. Her hands flew to his forearm grounding herself as her body convulsed, trying to flee from the stimulation. 

“Shit shit shit.” Jensen cursed as her orgasm brought him to his own. He pulled himself from her just in time to release himself on her ass.

“Hold on.” He put himself back into his briefs before grabbing a dish towel. He cleaned her up before helping her pull her leggings back into place. She turned to him, her lip caught between her teeth as she watched him fix his jeans. 

“Was that fast enough?” He grinned when he caught her staring at him. He checked the watch on his wrist, making sure neither of them were late. 

“Mhmm. Yup.” She closed her eyes with a sigh and bobbed her head. 

“Good. Now go. I’ll see you on set.” He playfully swatted her behind to get her moving. 

“Yes, sir.” She mocked a salute to him, winking when she caught the slight rise of his one eyebrow from her words. As she pulled open the door and peeked around for signs of people, she committed his response to memory, ready to use that one later.

Part 15

Forevers:@spn-impala​ @22sarah08 @turtlepad @callmekda @chaldei @hobby27 @casualfestivaltrashpainter @cowboysnwinchesters @tranquility-or-chaos @pikabootoyouchu @dawnie1988 @grease222 @frackinawesomeninja @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @polina-93 @clarinette07 @moonlight-babeh @suckerforfanfic @witandnargles @sleepylunarwolf @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan @geeksareunique @akshi8278

Et Cetera:@jbbarnesgirl​ @hillface89​ @arses21434​ @thevelvetseries​ @sslater34​ @mrsirishboru​ @smoothdogsgirl​ @spnfamily-j2​ @encounterthepast​ @facadeformyrealblog  @supernatural-bellawinchester​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​​ @rebeccathefangirl​ @squirrelnotsam​ @heartinmyhead1 @1d-killed-me​ @samsgirl93​ @deans-baby-momma @deanmonandnegansbitch​ @woodworthti666​ @supraveng​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @heartsaved​ @know2grow​ @littlewhiterose​ @surprisinglysarah​ @stoneyggirl​ @carryon-doctor-lock​ @thebookisbtr​ @youaremyfiveever​ @supersassyprobablysad @lilulo-12​ @winchester-fantasies​ 

[ditch-witches]

Midnight (Dean-Charles Chapman x reader)

requested: yes/no (we wrote one of these a while back for george and i thought the dean babies needed one too)

pairing: Dean-Charles Chapman x reader

warnings: none (wait there's a discussion about some graphic forms of torture)

word count: 995

a/n: I'm so sorry this is so short, we have some crazy long shit coming out soon and we needed to get something out for y'all between then and now.

Your eyes snapped open, finally being able to bring yourself out of your nightmare that lasted much longer than you would have preferred. You sat up slowly, still out of it and attempting to grasp reality. A breath of relief and realization washed over you as your ears picked up on the sweet sound of Dean next to you, trapped in a deep sleep. You rolled your head on your shoulders and watched him for a moment, his bliss bringing you some form of tranquility. At least he was safe, and you were sure of it.

To prevent disturbing his peaceful slumber, you slinked out of bed, grabbing a hoodie off a chair by the door to combat the draft in your house. Maybe a window had been left open somewhere? The house was quiet and dark, only the moonlight streaming through every other room to light your way to the kitchen. You found the window in question in the living room. It usually had to be wedged shut, but from the day's festivities, you weren't surprised it hadn't been closed properly. As your fingers fixated on the frame, your nightmare flashed into your mind again and you shivered. You debated waking the man upstairs and burying yourself in his arms to make yourself feel better, but decided against it. The most important part was that he was okay, and it was just a dream.

You didn't bother to look at the time as your feet shuffled along the cold tile of the kitchen while you silently went about the room, pulling together a cup of tea for yourself. Work had been getting to you, so you weren't surprised at the plot of your nightmare, just the fact that Dean had been involved was what had bothered you the most. You peered out one of the windows over the sink, watching your backyard dot with fireflies as the sky began to turn lavender.

"Are you okay?" A deep voice from behind you made you jump nearly three feet in the air. If you weren't already, you were definitely wide awake now. You turned to spot Dean rubbing one of his eyes and concealing a yawn as he stood in the threshold of the kitchen. His hair was a mess, his shirt wrinkled and his shoulders slumped with exhaustion.

You exhaled. "Sorry. Did I wake you?" He began to move towards you.

He shook his head, letting out a small chuckle. "No, I woke up and you weren't there. Spooked me a bit." The raspiness of his voice and his lazy smile made you feel guilty for him being up with you at such an ungodly hour when you knew he needed at least eight hours to even remember how to spell his name.

His arms snaked around you, pulling you close to his chest and digging his face in your neck, sighing deeply. "I had a bad dream," you murmured into his shoulder, your arms fitting under his.

He rocked the two of you from side to side, and you were surprised he wasn't just falling asleep in your arms standing up. "Tell me about it?" He hummed. You pulled away from him to lean against the counter and he took over your previous task, another yawn ripping through him.

"You know that exhibit I've been working on about the blood eagle torture technique?" You asked, crossing your arms over your chest and attempting to figure out how to explain your dream to him. Dean looked up from what he was doing and you saw the gears turning in his head as his brows furrowed in thought.

"The one with the ribs?" His tired eyes narrowed slightly, seemingly hoping he was correct.

"Yeah. Well," you chewed on your words, watching him pour milk into one of the cups, "I guess I need to cool it with the research before bed because I had a dream about that. It's was like really dark and I was walking through this creepy old house-"

He chuckled. "You mean your dad's?" He added with a small smirk.

You rolled your eyes and bumped his shoulder. "Much creepier." He laughed again at your comment. "But anyway. There was a room that had a red light peeking out from underneath the door so, obviously, I went to check it out. Inside you're strung up like that. It just freaked me out, I don't know..." Dean was silent as he handed you a mug, taking a large drink of his own. His eyes flashed up from the floor to yours. He looked more aware and slightly bewildered.

"How'd I get there, though?" His doe eyes searched yours and a slight pang of worry thundered in your chest at the idea that maybe you had terrified him. Then again, you found it hilarious.

"I don't know. You probably did something to piss off the Vikings." He chewed the inside of his cheek as you finished your tea, feeling tired again.

"And people lived through the blood eagle, right?" His gaze was fixed on a random spot of the floor as his brain seemed to be working a mile-a-minute.

"Sometimes." You yawned, giving him a small smile. "I think I feel better now, Deaners. Thanks." You fought not to giggle at his scared expression as he looked up at you.

"Wait, I'm not feeling better. I don't want my ribs to be severed and my lungs to be taken out." He didn't really move, only looking at you with fear in his eyes.

You bit your lip, keeping back a smile as you wrapped your arms around his waist. "Don't worry. That only happens on Midsommar and in skaldic poetry." He eyed you suspiciously and you couldn't resist scratching his back. "I mean, unless..." you jeered, attempting to straighten your face into sincerity.

He rolled his eyes. "You're lucky I like you, you know?"

You flashed him one of your shit-eating grins. "Yes, my love."

[soimafreaknow]

part 2.

part 1. 

(ao3)

Sometimes you still call Jodie. Just to catch up, see how she’s doing. You’re surprised when she tells you that she’s hunting with a group of girls and Donna. It sounds sort of kick ass. You ask if you can drop by one weekend, maybe when they have a hunt, and she tells you you’re invited any time, but she mentions this weekend might be a particularly good one. You didn’t expect Sam and Dean to be there the same weekend you were. You weren’t dressed in hunting clothes. You were in a summer dress and combat boots, hair wild and held back with a bandanna. The impala was parked in the drive and it took everything, everything, you had not to turn around and head back home.

Your wheels barely hit the driveway before the door swings open and your breath catches at the tall masculine figure standing there, but it’s not Sam. You pull to a stop behind the impala and sharp green eyes are watching you. “(Y/N),” Dean said from the doorway, and you see the look in his eyes, the knowing look that catches you it’s gaze and holds you steady. He’s orchestrated this. Or co-conspired. “Dean.” You smile as you shut the door to your yellow ‘64 mustang. Your mom had had one, once upon a time, and you had hunted for years before you finally found one just like it. She was your baby. “Good to see you. I didn’t know you were going to be in town.” “Jodie invited me. I wanted to see what they were doing. A whole group of bad ass women hunting evil shit? I had to see it. And I was a little jealous.” “Oh, don’t be jealous. You can come along anytime you want. Come here.” Jodie said from the door and you grinned, opening her arms for a hug. “Is this what the big deal was about? Nice car.” Claire said from behind Jodie, but you ignored her. “Jodie, it’s good to see you.” You say into her shoulder. She’s just a little bit taller than you, but you didn’t mind it. “You too. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again, what with the way you just vanished.” “Vanished?” You asked, and Dean looked pointedly at you. “Well, you disappeared with little more than a note. We worried.” “Sam knew-” but you stop, because now Sam is standing in the door and it hits you, the way it had hit you at the bus stop. In my defense I have none… Why had you let him slip through your fingers? Why hadn’t you held on harder? Why hadn’t you just- Just let yourself get killed for a man who would never have put you first. That’s why. “Hey Sam.” You whisper, and his smile is tense, strained, awkward. “It’s good to see you. You look good.” He smiled, eyes lingering fondly on the combat boots. They were the ones he’d bought you, eons ago. In another sort of life. You couldn’t make yourself get rid of them. They were too comfortable. “You too. I like your hair.” It’s shorter than it was last time you saw him, with a slight wave to it that made you want to touch it. His hair had always been one of your favorite things. “Well, let’s not just stand out here. Come in. I’ve got food on the stove and the boys aren’t ruining it, so that’s nice.” Jodie smiled and stepped to clear the doorway. “Hey, I’m making killer burgers for dinner. You just wait.” Dean cut in and corralled you inside, leaving you no space to even consider an escape. Not that you would’ve. You weren’t a teenager anymore. You wouldn’t just run. Probably. - The tension through lunch was palpable. You and Sam were civil, but Dean obviously held some hostility. Talking with Jody and even Alex was easy, but Claire seemed to be holding a grudge as much as Dean was and talking with Sam felt so stilted. Neither of you had really wanted to break things off, but neither of you had been willing to change your lives to the degree necessary to incorporate the other. The more you saw Sam the more you wondered why you’d been so resistant. Dean’s usual enthusiasm cut the tension between the two of you as you poked fun at him and he said you were losing too much weight without the hunt to keep you in supply of junk food. Even Sam laughed along and when his hand had reached across the table to catch yours without even thinking about it you both let it happen for a few second before you realize that it wasn’t supposed to be happening. He pulled his hand back first and you kept your hands in your lap for the rest of lunch. His hand had been just as warm as you remembered it being. It still encompassed yours the way no one else’s could. Non-threatening, not even remotely possessive and it felt perfect. Calluses in all the same spots. The year apart hadn’t changed either of you much, but nothing was the same anymore. - You’re hugging Jodie goodbye before dinner is even served. Stephanie is texting you with a fake emergency at work (even though you don’t work with Stephanie) and you’re making excuses. When you’re taking your still-packed duffel bag back to the car Dean pretends to help you out, taking the strap from you and walking it out for you. You try to claim misogyny, but even Jody refuses to help you out. She raises an eyebrow like she knows exactly what Dean is up to. “Okay, what the fuck. You’re both obviously miserable, so what gives? I know that text was fake, so I want the truth.” You took the bag from Dean and threw it into the back seat. “I don’t have to answer that.” “I think I deserve some kind of explanation after you just left like that. Sam’s still hung up on it, and you obviously are too. What the hell?” “Drop it, Dean,” You said through gritted teeth. He wouldn’t like the answer, and you weren’t feeling up to lying. You would’ve loved to have stayed with Sam, but you just can’t live the full time hunter life anymore. A hunt here or there, sure, but you wanted a life, a real life, with friends who went to karaoke bars with you on the weekends and worked at thrift shops. You wanted to be normal, at least sometimes. You didn’t want to live every day wondering if the next hunt would be the one you died for. And then there was the stress. The stress of the hunt, of living on hustled pool and bad credit cards, Sam. The stress of wondering if Sam would come back was terrible. The fear of what might happen to him if you weren’t with him was too much in the long term. And you couldn’t go with him. Not anymore. You’d fought about it a lot in the end. Years without having any real fights only to suddenly feel like fighting was all you did. You feel the tears well and you turn away form Dean before he can see them. “No, I’m not gonna drop it. Whatever you think in that messed up head of yours, I care about you. Sam sure as hell cares about you. So why’d you run off?” “We broke up, Dean. I didn’t exactly want to keep living in the bunker.” “Nah, no, none of that bullshit.” He turned you to face him and you gritted your teeth, forcing your face to stay still, blank, impassive. “You could’ve moved out, sure, but you dropped out. No one’s heard from you in hunter circles since. You didn’t leave hunting for Sam. I know you. You’re more dedicated than that.” “I left hunting for me.” You said quietly, the tears stinging. “I left hunting because I was always going to and… Sam wouldn’t come with me.” You swallowed hard, feeling a single tear track down your face. “I begged him. He begged me. You think I wanted to leave him? Sam was one of the only good things in my life. But sometimes you just have to put yourself first.” You pulled out of his grip and got into the car while Dean was still gaping at you, processing what you’d said. “Wait, hold on.” He said as you were already pulling out. “Hey. I’m not done talking to you!” You were done talking him though. You pulled out and nearly hit Dean in the process, but he was smart enough to get out of the way when you looked determined. You didn’t look back. You couldn’t. You didn’t see Sam watch you go or hear Dean yell “Damn it!” As you disappeared down the road, leaving Jody’s place in the dust. - “So, spill. What the hell? You were so excited about this trip.” Stephanie said as she pushed a wine glass your way. “My ex showed up.” You sighed and she raised an eyebrow. “What ex? The ex. The one who you quit your last job to get away from?” “I didn’t quit to get away from him.” You sighed, taking a sip of your wine and letting it warm you up a little bit. “I was going to leave anyway. I just wanted him to come with me.” “And he wouldn’t.” She sighed, pouring herself a drink. “Touch break, babe. So your ex showed up at your friend’s place. Then what?” “I couldn’t deal with it. I’m still hung up on him. Of course I am, we were great right up until I wanted to talk about quitting.” “What were you doing that was so bad.” “Porn.” You said with a sad grin and she rolled her eyes. “I know it’s not porn. I’d know if you’d done porn.” You shrug. “Fine, don’t tell me. You’re entitled to your secrets.” “And that’s why I love you.” You smiled and took another sip of wine. “I’m just… I wasn’t expecting them and I spent all afternoon with them.” “Them?” “His brother was there too.” “Fuck. That’s rough.” She added more wine to your glass and you laughed. “Are you trying to get me drunk?” “Is it working?” She asked without missing a beat and you shook your head. “It’s going to be hot by the time I finish drinking it.” “Drink it faster. Loosen your lips. You’re obviously upset about this guy, so spill.” “So… We met on the job…” - Later that night, while you’re still a little tipsy, you get a text from Sam. — Sam: Hey. Hope everything with work is going okay. Text if you need anything. Y/N: Thanks. It’s going alright. I’ll text. You won’t text. You haven’t texted him first once since the break up. You always reply, just so he doesn’t get scared that you’ve been killed, but you never text him first. Sam: I don’t know what Dean said to you, but I’m sorry. You looked really upset when you left. Y/N: We’ve never really seen eye to eye. It’s no big deal. Sam: Was it about us? You don’t respond for several minutes, trying to decide what to say. He knows you too well, and you know he does when he responds after ten minutes. Sam: I’m taking that as a yes. Sam: How much did you tell him? Y/N: Nothing he shouldn’t have already known. Sam: He’s kind of slow on the uptake. He seemed to think you’d dropped a bomb. Y/N: He thought I left hunting because we broke up. I told him it he had it the wrong way around. Sam: That might be my fault. I really didn’t clarify. Sam: I didn’t want to talk about it at first, and by the time I could we had already moved on. Y/N: It’s fine. You don’t owe him an explanation. Or me. Sam: I know. I just know how Dean can be and I don’t want you to think I put him up to it. Y/N: It’s like you think I don’t know you. You didn’t even know I was going to Jodie’s, did you? Sam: No, Dean just said he wanted to visit and we left. Y/N:  They planned it. They had to have. Sam: I don’t think Jodie knew we were coming either. She seemed surprised to see us. Y/N: Well, that’s good. At least it was just your brother with ulterior motives. Incoming Call Sam Winchester Shit. “Shit.” You whisper, but you swipe and answer anyway. “Leave my brother alone you heart breaking-” “Dean!” Sam yelled on the other end of the line and you hear a squabble and the phone drops and bounces on the floor, or a table or some other hard surface. “Sam, you’re texting her. You’ve been moping over her for a year and now you’re texting her like a friggin’ teenage idiot.” “Dean!” You hear a body thud against the ground and then the phone scrapes across whatever surface it landed on as Sam picks it back up. “I’m sorry. Ignore him.” Sam said, panting for breath. “I’ve been doing it as long as I’ve known him.” You laugh, but you’re tense, nervous to be speaking to him again. That’s twice in twenty four hours that you’ve had to talk to the man you wished could be your everything. You hear Dean mutter something on the other end of the line, but the phone goes silent and for a second you think maybe he’s hung up, but the sound of a door closing and Sam sighing assures you that he hasn’t. The silence feels pressing, but neither of you want to speak. The things you could say and things you want to say don’t overlap very well. “This is awkward.” Sam finally said, breaking the tension, and you laughed. “That might be an understatement.” “Yeah. I know.” The familiar sound of Sam’s terrible bed frame squeaking against the floor told you that he’d taken a seat. He was probably hunched over and staring at the ground between his feet, one hand balled into a fist. You’d seen him get like that sometimes, when he wasn’t quite sure what to do. “You ran away yesterday.” He breaks the silence again. You feel bad putting that responsibility on him, but you were still a little foggy headed and very aware that your brain to mouth filter didn’t work as well when you were drunk. You weren’t that drunk. But still. “I wasn’t ready to see you guys. I wasn’t expecting it. I would’ve prepped. Done some mental gymnastics to convince myself that I could be normal. I wasn’t ready.” “Neither was I.” He sighed, and you can hear the tension in his body. You used to wrap yourself around him from behind, hug him and press your head to his shoulder blade. Rub his shoulders. The memory makes your hands ache for something to touch and you squeeze one of the couch cushions in your hand. “I’m sorry.” You said, and you were. The first time you’d seen him in a year and you’d just run off without warning or explanation. It would be hard not to take something like that personally. “I’m sorry. For everything. You know I would’ve gone with you, if I could.” “I know.” You whisper. “I knew you wouldn’t come even when I was asking. I just… I had to hear you say it. Or else I’d have held out.” “You still holding out?” You nod and lean back into the soft cushions of your couch. He can’t see you, and you know that, but words get stuck in your throat like too much honey, sluggish, and too sweet to be pleasant. “I think I’ll always be holding out. I can’t imagine… It’ll always be you. Even when you get killed by actual God, because I’m convinced that’s the only way you’re going out, it’s always just going to be you.” “I wish it wasn’t. For you.” It hurts to hear him say it, even though you know what he means. He cares about you enough that he wishes you could let him go, move on, find someone else. “Me too.” You wipe your eyes. When had you started crying? “I know you don’t want to, but if you ever did…” “I won’t come back.” You whispered. “It was killing me, Sam. It was killing me.” “I know.” “But if it hadn’t been. If I could’ve stayed. I would’ve.” “I know.” “I didn’t mean to break your heart, Sam.” “I know.” His voice cracks and you sniffle. “If you cry I promise I won’t tell Dean.” “Oh shut up.” He laughed, and you heard the thickness in his words. The way he was barely holding onto it. “I mean it. It’ll stay our secret.” “You’re keeping enough secrets for me already. I don’t think you need any more.” “Sure I do. I love keeping your secrets, Sam. I’d have kept your secrets for the rest of my life. ‘Til death do us part. “Careful. You’ll get my hopes up.” “I had a ring.” You told him. “Well. Two rings. One for each of us. I was going to do the whole corny proposal thing. Like, I was going to get down on one knee, but on the table so we’d still be relatively the same height and I could look you in the eye. I wasn’t going to propose while staring at your knees. You’re such a sasquatch.” “You’re drunk.” He said, like he’d just realized it, and you laughed. “Yeah. Kind of. Stephanie and I shared a bottle of wine. We didn’t exactly get plastered.” “Stephanie is…?” “My friend. I meant it when I said I was holding out.” “I didn’t mean for that to sound like that. It’s good you’re making friends. You’re too anti-social.” “Shots fired, Sam. I can be social when I want to be.” “So, rarely.” “Exactly.” “I just mean I’m glad you’re not isolated.” “Me too. I’d probably have gone back to you otherwise. I’d be dead.” “I would’ve done everything I could to stop that.” “Yeah. Up to and including getting yourself killed. I couldn’t let you do that.” He doesn’t respond for a minute. Then two. You wonder if he’s hung up and you just didn’t notice. “You could’ve stopped. If we’d have put our foot down, explained to Dean, and Cas, and everyone how it was affecting you… They wouldn’t have asked you to get yourself killed for a case.” You smile at his hope. So naive. You close your eyes to respond, to keep the tears from blocking your vision and making you panic. Your voice a soft hoarse whisper. “Yes they would’ve.” You swallowed back your fear, pain. “Not at first. But eventually there would’ve been a case that would’ve been worth it, and another, and another. There’s a reason you and Jodi are the only people with any connection to hunting that have my info. There’s always going to be a case, some case, that could use someone with my psychic abilities. And if you asked, I would go. That’s why I love you, you know. You never ask.” “I never will. Not unless it literally means the fate of the entire world.” “And I’d want to help with that anyway.” You smile sadly. “I go on small hunts in the area. Take care of what I can. I didn’t stop. I just… broke contact.” “Yeah. I kind of figured that one out. We went to catch a hunt somewhere in your area, and by the time we got there there was no trace of it. Everyone we talked to described someone who looked just like you coming to talk to them a day earlier.” You sighed. “And that’s the danger of hunting. But… I can’t just let a case go. Not when people are getting hurt and I can stop it.” “I know.” “You do know. You know me so well. Too well. I should be afraid.” “No, you shouldn’t. You know me too. We know each other. I’m always going to be safe to you.” “Yeah.” You craddled your phone gently against your face and imagined you were back in the bunker, curled up next to Sam. It was a fantasy that you didn’t indulge in often, but sometimes you let yourself think about it. “You were the greatest thing to ever happen to me. You know that, right?” “I thought that was 85% dark chocolate.” “Mmm, I was trying to make you feel good. But yeah, the chocolate comes first.” He laughed and it made your chest ache, like a fist reaching in and gripping your lungs. You missed his laugh. The moment passed, almost unacknowledged. You didn’t blame Sam. It wasn’t the sort of thing he’d want to hear. “Maybe you should come and see me. Just the two of us.” “Maybe. We can revisit the idea when you’re sober.” “I’ll say no when I’m sober.” “So we can revisit the idea when you’re sober.” “You are a good man, Sam Winchester. A stupidly tall, very handsome, good man. I’m very obviously inviting you for a one night stand, and you’re taking the high road.” “That wasn’t obvious, actually.” His voice was taking on that avoidant-nervous quality that you knew meant he was flustered. You licked your lips at the memory. “In that case, we’re definitely revisiting the idea only once you’re sober.” “You’re no fun.” You say, but there’s no heat, only mirth. “You’re too drunk to consent.” “I’m fine. Probably.” “You’re not, but it’s cute that you think you are.” “You think I’m cute?” You giggle and you hear him laugh on the other end of the line. “Yeah. I do.” “Well, good.” You don’t talk after that. You just listen to him breath like a freak and he lets you. Maybe he’s listening to you too. You fall asleep on the couch with your cat curled up at your feet and wake up a few hours later, freezing in the night air. He’s still on the line. You close your eyes so you don’t see your finger tap the red button that will end your call. You don’t hear from him after that. Not for a long time.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

Hey, i binged the first 14 episodes of Supernatural just last week and enjoyed it so far. But have struggled to hype myself up to finish the series. I found out the last episodes are coming out in October and think it would be cool to catch up by then so i can watch the last ones as soon as they come out. Could you give a (as spoiler free as possible?) list of what about the show make it great to you overall? Things to look forward to, cool plot development, favorite characters, whichever...

hi, anon! 

i don’t know, anon, when i first heard i have these nightmares--and sometimes they come true in early s1 and as long as I’m there nothing bad’s gonna happen to you at the end of 1.14  back in the day, i was pretty hyped af to find out what happened next. but to be fair, 2006 was a different era altogether and some vaguely defined potential Special Ability that doesn’t even work unless Certain People are involved isn’t too exciting when every show these days with two pennies to scrape together for a VFX budget has its characters move things with their mind while shooting blue lightning out their ass.

sorry, i digress. i don’t really know how to sell this unwieldy chimera of a show to you--or if i even should--but let me give it the old college try:

1. for such a long-running show, spn has a tiny list of dramatis personae. on one hand, this means that it can feel intimate and its emotional beats deeply resonant, with long and complicated character arcs and interpersonal dynamics; but on the other hand, if you don’t find them interesting or they’re just, you know, actively annoying, you’re fucked, because there are only ever three or four main characters at any point on the show and two of them never. change. 

1.5. spn has also demonstrated--inadvertently perhaps--that having fewer characters to divide fannish devotion means more stans per character and more friction between these large groups of character stans. somewhere along the way the terms samgirl and deangirl have come to symbolise more than just a mere preference for one character over the other; it’s become a fandom shorthand for personality much in the way of astrological signs or MBTI types: utterly meaningless, but people insist on defining their identity that way anyway. 

(i say this not just as a card-carrying samgirl, but a bitter samgirl).

2. it’s also quite claustrophobic at times. sam and dean are ostensibly driving all around small-town america, but what we usually see is One Possibly Canadian Town indistinguishable from the other. as i mentioned before, the characters are few and spn rarely attempts to relate to current events or make any kind of subtle/meaningful social or political commentary (tho others may disagree with me on this). but this also means that the stories that it deals with have a timeless quality to them: family and trauma and existential angst and the Power of Love and the ways all of them can fuck you up. spn is at its absolute best when it’s dealing with stories on a deeply personal level, sometimes literally burrowing into their characters’ heads and having the entire universe mirror the dynamics of its central relationship. 

2.5. this can be a liiiitle hard to reconcile with how the show keeps raising its stakes with every season, but again, when spn is really on its game, it keeps finding new and creative ways to explore the personal with the universal, and when it’s not, you have supposedly cosmic entities reduced to the most boring metaphor imaginable for modern-day capitalist culture.

3. there’s something that spn does that i love which is turn really absurd premises into a thin veneer over a dark abyss of existential trauma which is something it doesn’t do nearly enough in the latter seasons, which is a great pity.

4. a quick rundown of the seasons:

1 - looks pretty and ends very strongly but also suffers from a case of early 00s uninspired-genre-television-itis

2 - Now This Is Where Things Get Interesting; sets up themes that are explored repeatedly for the next 13 years; please look out for ava wilson, an actual Queen

3 - a reminder that this show has been around long enough to actually have a season that was truncated by the 08 writers’ strike; plus, it contains my favourite episode of the whole show and possibly my favourite episode of television ever

4 - A MAGNIFICENT SEASON that gets better with every rewatch. the closest to flawless this show has ever gotten

5 - contains a number of the show’s best and most iconic episodes, but also sets up a lot of the show’s more... problematic motifs

6 - a HUGELY underrated season depicting some of the most delightfully creative explorations of the aftermath of deep and unusual trauma that i’ve seen, dark and thorny and uncomfortable but so goddamned sharp

7 - kind of gave up on itself halfway through; the last time this show ever took any risks/bold choices with respect to its world-building

8 - you know how these days even the most hotshot, rebellious, high-spirited, come-out-of-nowhere-with-nothing-but-heart-and-ill-advised-amounts-of-courage hero is revealed to have actually descended from some important Hero Bloodline and whoops did you think even fiction was going to indulge in the fantasy that just anybody could change the world? yeah.

9 - should’ve been this show’s turning point, except it turned a whole 360 degrees. still has some really iconic episodes, tho.

10 - eh. skippable after the first few episodes.

11 - the point where i stopped watching regularly. still horrifying but more bleak and despairing than jump-scare-and-gore

12 - this season is a black hole for me. for the life of me i can’t remember what happened in s12 - did it exist? or did spn just skip that number like some hotels skip a floor number entirely? huh.

13 + 14 - Listen It’s A Very Competitive Market And The Only Strong Thing Going For Us Is Our Large And Devoted Fandom So Let’s Obliterate The Fourth Wall Altogether And Go Full Meta, Who Gives A Shit? it’s spn back to being absurd to cover up a pit of howling, abyssal horror, and frankly it’s delightful.

5. the fandom, man. i’ve been spoiled rotten. there is nothing that can’t be found in spn fandom, no matter how brilliant or terrible or eye-searingly horrifying, and this is something i’ve chased in other fandoms with no success. 

In conclusion:  watch it if you like, it can be a cool show. But That’s Just My Opinion, Bro.

[wafflewarriors]

The Dealbreaker

Chapter 5

The ‘road trip’ lasted for three more years. You were twenty now, and he was twenty-five. Today was the ten year anniversary of the fire when you were a child. The fire that had killed your parents, and left your brother responsible for you.

He was a nervous wreck.

You tried a few probing questions, but they got you nowhere. His lips were shut tight and they wouldn’t be admitting anything anytime soon. What had him so wound up?

“Hey, seriously, what’s wrong?” You asked him.

He got up. “I have an important phone call to make.”

You squinted at him as he left the room. What phone call? You’ve been unemployed for six years. What could be so important?

You rolled your eyes. He would never tell you.

You tiptoed to the door, creaking it open just a notch so you could press your ear to the opening and listen.

“—been ten years,” he said, pacing. There was a long pause as he listened to the speaker. “We’re in Sioux Falls. I—yeah. Yes, I am. Please hurry, I feel like I’m going crazy.” He was nearly on the verge of tears, breaking down and pulling at his hair. “Yeah.” His voice cracked.

He sucked in a breath, wiping away his tears and sniffing. “No, I’m fine. I’m good. Just please hurry? Thank you. I owe you everything. No, I’m not kidding.” He paused again. “Okay, bye.”

You scurried back to the bed just before he opened the door. His eyes were red. “There’s a lot of pollen out there,” he said.

Sure, you thought. You wished he trusted you. You wished he wouldn’t keep you so far in the dark about these things. You wanted to see him, the real him. Even if it was still just a scared little boy. At least it would be real, and not just a facade put up like a mask every day.

As an hour passed, he began to isolate himself.

That was your breaking point. “Okay, what is going on with you? You’ve been flighty ever since this morning and I don’t know what is going on with you, but just know you can trust me. You don’t have to lie to me and—”

There was a knock on the door.

“Who is that?” you ask him, and your brother just stands and moves to answer the door. “Who is that?” you ask again, frustrated and angry with his strange behavior.

He pulled the door open and you were dead silent.

A little voice whispered in your mind: Winchester.

“You—you two—what are you—” you breathed. “Is my brother in trouble?”

Dean shot a look to you, then to your brother, to you again, and back to your brother. “You didn’t tell her?”

“I was going to… I just—”

“You weren’t going to tell me anything. You’ve been ignoring me all day! What is going on with you?!”

Sam crouched down to where your brother sat on the bed, head in his hands. Sam murmured, “You have to tell her.”

“I can’t,” he cried. “I can’t I can’t I can't—”

“You have to.”

Your brother sobbed into his hands, and you had never seen him so fragile.

“Whatever it is,” you said carefully, “you can tell me.” Please, please tell me, you thought.

Your brother shuddered. “I’m going to die today.”

You blinked. “What?”

Dean intervened. “Okay,” he said. “Guess we have to give you the talk. Sit down.”

You were still trying to wrap your mind around what your brother said. “What do you mean you’re going to die today? What does that mean—?”

“Did you not hear me? Sit down. You aren’t helping. You’re just freaking him out,” Dean told you.

You sat down.

“Ten years ago, there was a house fire. I’m sure you remember.”

“Of course I remember. Today’s the anniversary. My parents died that day. And you… you two were there. You saved my brother.”

Dean sighed. “Yeah, but we didn’t save you.”

“Well, yeah,” you said, “but I—”

“You died that day,” your brother sobbed. “You died and I couldn’t do anything. So I… I made a deal. I wanted you back. They told me I had ten years, ten years until I went to Hell, and you would live. I didn’t know the demon would make you immortal. You can’t die.”

You watched him in confusion. “Okay, I don’t know what the hell you guys are talking about, but I am just done. I’m so done with the lies—”

“He’s not lying,” Sam told you. “About seven years ago, you had a ghost in your apartment. You stepped out of the salt line. You should have died, but you didn’t. The ghost had thrown her hand in your chest and you had barely flinched.” Nothing in his voice or expression hinted that he was lying to you. “I don’t really know what her motive was, making you immortal.”

You couldn’t believe you were just learning this. “So that’s what it was that day. You told me it was an intruder. Why don’t I remember..?”

“You didn’t want to. Sometimes people only remember what they want to.” It came back in a flash. You screaming at the figure in the shadows wasn’t Sam. It was a ghost. And Sam had saved you.

Dean put his hand on your brother’s shoulder. “Hellhounds are coming for him. He’s got an hour if we don’t stall the hounds.”

You didn’t have words.

/// You hated seeing your brother flinch when he looked you in the eyes. “Whatever you’re seeing right now, it’s not real,” Dean told him. “You’re hallucinating. But that also means the hellhounds are close. Sam, the goofer dust? Salt?” Sam passed a bag to him and Dean poured it around your brother. You thought back to the ghost back when you were a child. You remembered the salt blowing away from the door when the wind picked up. So you asked,

“Couldn’t you pour some glue down or something? So you can actually hold the salt to the floor? You can’t expect that to work if they’re just going to blow it away.“

Dean raised his eyebrows. “You know, I never thought of that. Sam, do we have some—”

That’s when everyone heard the barking and growling at the front door. Your brother shouted out, curling into himself and covering his ears. Tears were streaking down his face and he shook his head repeatedly, as if trying to deny his fate.

You began to cry too because the gravity of this was finally hitting you. Your brother was going to hell and you couldn’t do anything about it. Your brother stood, wide eyes on the door. “Get out. I’m who they want. Get out, so they don’t hurt you, too.”

“But—” you protested.

“He’s right. There’s not much we can do.” Dean proceeded to grab your arm and tug you out of the room.

You thrashed in his arm, trying to stay. “No! I’m not leaving him.”

Dean looked irritated. “I’ve been to Hell, okay sweetheart? And I’ve been ripped apart by hounds. Is that the last thing you want to remember him by? Seeing his flesh ripped from his chest? It will traumatize you. As I said, there is nothing we can do. So we’re leaving.”

“That is so cold, you know that? He’s terrified and those things are trying to get in here to kill him. I am not leaving.”

“No, what’s cold is staying and knowing that your family will watch you die a bloody death. This is already happening. He doesn’t want to traumatize you. He wants you to leave. He said so himself.”

“Can I—” you said as you fought back tears. “Can I have one last hug?”

Dean’s expression softened and he nodded.

You ran to your brother and embraced him.

“Stay with them. They’ll protect you. They’ll keep you safe.” He broke the hug so he could look into your eyes. “Keep them safe as well, though. They get into a lot of trouble real easy.” He managed to wink.

You let out a sad laugh. A hand, Dean’s hand, appeared in your peripheral vision.  You took it and let Dean lead you out of the room, ugly sobs leaving you as you said goodbye to your brother.

/// You made yourself a promise. You would make sure his last wish was done. You would keep the Winchesters safe.

So you hijacked a car.

The country roads of gravel and dirt led you to an old crossroad. In the middle lay fresh dirt, a square for you to dig. You held the little box closely to your chest, to your heart. This was for him.

“I want them to forget me,” you said. You heard nothing behind you but you knew they were there, listening. “And I want to take the pain of Sam and Dean Winchester.” Your hands were shaking. “All of it.”

Red eyes found yours. “Do you now?”

That was a rather large request.

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[mrs-dragneel-stark-solo]

Unforseen Chasm (part 9)

Part 9 of Unforseen Chasm

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together. Word Count: 1171 Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my other fic series). first major Collab with my best friend @thorne93​​ what was first a simple “what if” moment turned into a two year writing session and I’ve never been more prouder of myself than when i started my first series. goes through most of the MCU plots there are some changes to accommodate for what we wanted and there is a bit of a crossover between the MCU and other characters. I hope you guys enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it.

My dear, Shannon,

Haha I am sorry he scared Lucky, I will try to tell him to be more careful. That's great Tony let you two have a place at the tower! I bet that makes everything a ton easier! And hahah, I always knew Tony was a softey for dogs. 

Oh my god, Shannon that is amazing news! Congratulations. I know you'll have so much fun! You need to wear the yellow dress, that short number, with the red pumps. Get your hair styled, and go for a natural look. Tony will die for that. Oh, I wish I was there to see your face when he asked…. 

Yes, please do tell me about Jane. I will tell Thor of her success, I’m sure he would be happy to hear about her.

No, Odin never smiles. Unless Queen Frigga is talking to him, haha. Other than that he is very stern, and I try to avoid him. 

But the good news is that Loki is finally talking to me. He found me in the palace library… well I should say he scared me in the library. I was reading and he suddenly appeared and had asked, “So you're adopted as well?” He seemed shy, or hesitant at the time. But he made me jump, nonetheless. But now… Shannon, we spend nearly every minute together. Unless I’m training with Thor and his friends, I'm with Loki. He is quite the character once you get him to open up. He still hasn't divulged all of his feelings, but we touched the surface of the issues with his family. After that, he seemed interested in my work on earth and when he found out I studied their culture he offered to show me everything. Their history, their laws, their societal rules. He is a great teacher. Now that I have the phone back, he promised me some selfies with him, so I’m very excited for that.

Speaking of teaching, I am doing much better with my swordsmanship. I didn't defeat Fandral in our practice, but came close. Loki asked if he could teach me how to use his daggers and throw them, and I, of course, said yes. He seems to like having a companion that hangs on his every word. 

And don't be mad, but yes, both the queen and prince are trying to teach me magic. I’m sorry! I couldn't resist. I am doing well so far! But I swear I won't go into battle. My weapon is my mind, I'm not made for the battlefield.  I’m sure your powers would be of great use here. In fact when I get back I'll show you everything they taught me. 

However, there is news of my parentage - they found record if a baby girl with my hair and eye color born the same week as my birthday. They're gathering what they can on the parents. So here's to hoping. 

Yes, please send Thor pop tarts. He has asked about them five times, it’s driving me mad.  Do not worry about sending the books. I have notebooks here that I am taking generous notes on. Thank you though. 

I start work with the Asgardians tomorrow. I am very nervous.

Tell me all about the date! I can't wait to hear every detail! 

Your sister from an (possible) Asgardian mister, 

Y/N/N

Y/N, my dear sister

Living at the tower is a whole new thing and even more different now that Tony and I are going out. It does make things easier when it comes to work because sometimes I’ll figure something out and can quickly head to the lab and continue my work. With everything that I’ve done already I was able to pay off the last of what we needed for the apartment so now it’s officially ours. Y/N, we own an apartment now! Who would have thought that the great Tony Stark would be a total softie for a dog?

It’s still a shock to me that Tony and I are going to be dating it feels like a dream, Y/N/N, a really wonderful dream. Thanks for the suggestion. I do believe that I’ll wear that dress and the heels even though I’m pretty sure he has a heel kink but he won’t admit it. I wish you’d been here to record it so that I could look back on him asking me out!

You would not believe how shocked she was when she found out she would be funded for the next 8 years for whatever research she does. I think Darcy had to get her to sit down and drink some water and she was completely okay with the conditions of what she would do with her results also I gave her access to whatever tech she might need I recorded a video her face looks hilarious! Bet he would be very impressed with her accomplishment.

He’s serious but is he a good ruler? I haven’t read much about him but there is a lot about his wife. You have to get a picture of them two maybe him smiling? Maybe Loki can help you.

 I’m so glad to hear that you two are finally talking! Aww, Y/N, you always were an easy scare when you’re reading, sounds like you two are getting really cozy (wink wink), guess I’m going to get to tease you too. I always knew you’d get a man hooked to you because of your genius brain, hehe. I bet you’ve become the teacher’s pet 😉.

Maybe when you come back we can have a good little practice fight between my abilities and your swordsmanship. Mmm, Y/N, my girl getting a private practice session with Loki? Well how could he not like a companion like you? You’re the whole package and if he doesn’t see that then I’m gonna have to get there and knock it into him.

Y/N, My GOSH! You know I’m gonna be worried about you a lot more now that I have no way of being there to make sure I can keep you safe, what if something happens? Maybe we can have a one on one in the new training floor Tony is having built for some reason.

Here is to hope that you’re at the final step to unveiling the truth as to where you come from but that doesn’t change the fact that I love you and you’re always family no matter what.

I don’t think the raven will be able to carry the pop tarts. See if you can find Thor and find a way to open the Bifrost to receive the package?

I’ll keep the book with me in hopes to find anything that you might be able to take photos of. I hope to hear all about working with the Asgardians soon enough.

And I’ll definitely let you know all the details about the date we’re both just as nervous about big events.

See you soon,

Shannon

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