#Sometimes I think about baking things to share with the neighbors but then I remember THIS is what I end up making | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dearz310 · 1 year ago

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Ten things I notice about you | Jaehyun

SYNOPSIS: Jaehyun as a bakery owner and you are the familiar guest.

PAIRING: Jaehyun x Fem!reader

GENRE: Fluff | Just fluff | Stranger to lover

WORD COUNT: 9k+ words

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This senarios took me like months to finish. Jaehyun is really sweet in this story uwu. Anyway, fall is coming~ my favourite season is here <3 I hope you enjoy it and please share your thoughts with me. I'm not an English native speaker. If you found mistakes then let me know, I'd love to take note. Happy reading~

_Tuesday_

"If you have to choose to eat only one kind of breakfast, what would it be?"

You are lying down on the sofa, hands holding your newest favourite book. You stop in the middle, lower your book down and think for a few secs before answering your best friend, Jungwoo.

"I guess I will choose combo pain au chocolat and coffee. But it must be the pain au chocolat from the bakery down street, 2 blocks from our building you know."

"Yeah, I know, very well indeed. You only choose its pastry since it opened." Jungwoo says, “continues to focus on how to clean up his wardrobe mess.

Jungwoo is your best friend. Your family and his are neighbors and you were born before him only 29 days. You have had each other since you both were just newborn, and now young adults. Sometimes people are concerned about why you and he are not a couple. But it is normal. In fact, he is the most active person when it comes to finding you your own prince charming.

"They have an almost perfect pain au chocolat using dark chocolate with 80% cocoa. Normally bakers only use like 50%-60% to make sure it is not too bitter but it's not my style. Besides, they are near, and they open early in the morning." You exhale. "How I wish to have one for tomorrow morning, hey, tomorrow is Wednesday, could you please..."

"Get you one while I am running past there tomorrow?" Jungwoo turns his head toward you. "With a cup of coffee from Ten's coffee shop. Okay will do."

"That's my best friend lady and gentlemen. Love ya." You wink and that makes Jungwoo goosebump.

"Why don't you join me tomorrow? Then we can have breakfast at Ten's coffee shop?"

"I must go to the airport early the next morning to bid farewell to my nephew Seojin. He will go back to UK for at least 2 more years. You will miss your favourite breakfast at Ten's if you wait for me so just eat your first, I can have mine when I get back."

"Got cha." Jungwoo nods. "Could you please help me down there? I seriously have no idea why I have this much clothes."

"Coming."

------------------------------

_Wednesday_ 6 am

One of Jungwoo’s habits is running in the early morning. It makes him feel fresh and relaxed. Sometimes you join him, even though it's not your favourite thing to do. He will run for at least half an hour, then go back home, take a shower and get ready to grab his morning coffee and breakfast at Ten's coffee shop at 7 am.

Ten is also his and your close friend. You guys met in a coffee exhibition 2 years ago and you were instantly in love with Ten's special coffee recipe then. How small is the world, just a few months later, a new coffee shop appeared down street and turn out the owner is him.

Today Jungwoo visits the Jung bakery first. He remembers to get you your favourite dark pain au chocolat. The Jung bakery only bakes a few ones, twice a week on Wednesday and Sunday, and doesn't even put a name tag for it. That's why only loyal customers know. If it's not because you asked before whether they have any dark chocolate pastries with high amount of cocoa, then you might never know it exists.

The bell rang when Jungwoo opened the door. He goes straight to get your pain au chocolat, also a milk bread for him, and make a payment as usual. However today, welcome him is the new cashier, not the same person he always sees.

"Oh hi." Jungwoo is a bit of a surprise. "I'd like to pay for these."

"Sure, please wait me a bit." The cashier smiles and quickly scans the price, as well as prepare a box to put Jungwoo's bread on. The dimples keep showing on his handsome face. "You must have been here many times."

"Yeah, I did. But I haven't seen you around before?"

"I’m just here to help cause today the cashier is on sick leave. It's Jaehyun, nice to meet you! And here is your bread, enjoy." Jaehyun says and hands the paper bag at the same time.

"Thank you. I'm Jungwoo, great to meet you either. Me and my friend are also the loyal guests at Ten's coffee shop right next to you. I guess we will see you around more often from now on."

"Next time please come here with your friend too, I'd love to meet you both. Free extra cookies are on me." Jaehyun smiles.

"Deal."

-----------------------------

"Hey, how it's going?" Jungwoo asks. He welcomes you at his apartment with the box that contains your favourite pain au chocolat. He even puts the strain into the coffee cup for you. "Class today?"

"I just tired." You exhale, too exhausted after coming back from the airport. "Already missed Seojin. And yes, I have class this afternoon, biology class of Professor Kim. Urgg, can today be worse?" You pout.

"Come on, eat your breakfast and you will feel charged. I know this can light up your day."

"Uhmm, 100 points." You already finished half the pain au chocolat. "I don't know why they only bake this twice a week on Wednesday and Sunday. Even though this is a good idea, because I specially need more energy those days. But still, if they have it for the whole week, you might see this is the only breakfast I have."

"You are so obsessed with it." Jungwoo laughs. "Eat slowly. Oh, and your coffee has extra shot. Ten said you need that every time you have biology class."

"Aww, he is so sweet. He even remembers that. What did I do in the past life to have friends like you guys?"

"Then you should treat me well if you still want to meet me in your next life. I almost forgot to tell you. Today I met a new cashier at Jung Bakery, and he is very nice. He said next time, he will give us free cookies."

"Really? Cool! Thanks for the breakfast, Jungwoo." You grab your coffee. "I have to go to the library now, still have one more English homework need to be done. Enjoy your day off."

"See ya."

-----------------------

_Thursday_

The morning class is over and you're on your way to meet Jungwoo for lunch. As soon as you turn left at the end of the A building, your eyes catch Jungwoo. It is not hard to recognize him with his height and bright face. But he isn't standing there alone. There is a girl, seem like she is giving him a gift or something. You slightly smile, Jungwoo is really famous with girls and he knows that well. However, the next thing you notice is that the girl quickly left with the gift still in her hands...

You wait for a few mins before getting out and wave your hand so he can see you. He smiles and immediately helps you carry your bag.

"Such a gentleman. I can see why girls go crazy about you."

"Well, I am always full of charm." He smirks.

"I saw you with a girl a moment ago."

"Yeah, she is my Literature classmate. She said she likes me, but I said I already liked someone else."

"If this is a scene in a movie then the person you're talking about must be me. But this is reality, so spill it friend, I'm listening."

Jungwoo laughs hard. "Yeah, it's not you. It's Ahreum. You know Ahreum from my History class, right?"

Your mouth forms into an O. "Of course, I remembered her. She is so nice. I actually met her on University Day, and she helped me find the Admin office. I also met her several times when I prepared for the radio show. She is on the sound check team if I’m not mistake?"

"Yes, that's her."

"Nice Jungwoo. I think you guys match very well." You wink and smile at him. "You might already know but she is still single, bro."

"I know." He laughs. "That is the first thing I have to make sure before taking another step."

You both sit down at the cafeteria near your university. It is neither too big nor small, and guests here always try not to speak too loudly. It makes the place has a chill and comfortable vibe that you both enjoy so much.

As you are scanning the menu, Jungwoo is whispering. "Y/N, we just sat down for a few mins, but the cashier is already noticed you."

You don't even take a glance at his way. "Nah, maybe I have something on my face, or I sit at his direction by chance. I want this, number 3 "The Rainbow", 1 sourdough slice only, and an apple juice no sugar."

"Got it. And I mean that sis. Remember the guy in your Public Health class last semester? He tried to be my friend just to get your attention. And that one from my soccer club too. He asked for your phone when he saw you coming to cheer for me."

He stops to call the waitress and order food for both of you. "But you rejected them all." He continues when the waitress left. "Y/N, it has been 4 years since your breakup. Don't you interest in anyone at this University?"

"Nope." You look straight at him, then you see his eyebrows scrunch a bit. It makes you tilt your head with a bit of hesitation in your voice. "So far? Look, I do notice boys around me, okay. But they are just not my type."

"I still remember your ideal type. The friend in my soccer club, what's about him? From my point of view, he is quite close to your type, isn't it?"

"Nah, he asks for my phone number the first time he sees me. That makes an introverted soul like me feel uncomfortable."

"Alright alright, eat your lunch first." He gestures you to eat your sandwich before it cold. "Let's see, no smoking is a must, a handsome man, in YOUR standard, he must be nice, gentle and funny."

"True." You nod. "But ideal type isn't that important, as long as he has good personality and we match well. Like someone who can watch Disney movies with me?" You shrug.

"You used to force me re-watch the whole High School Musical with you." He pouts.

"It is because you think Troy and Gabriella tried to steal the spot of Sharpay and Ryan on the first audition, but they were not."

"Yeah, now I know."

--------------------------

_Friday_

Jaehyun is busy in the kitchen testing the ingredients for his new recipe. After graduating, he used to work as a chef but then chose to open his own bakery. He loves baking. He loves the smell of freshly baked. Even though he is busy from the morning till the end of day, he still loves what he does. Now after hiring staff to help, he finally has time to research and work on the new flavour.

He surely has his pick, Valrhona 70%, Vanilla Madagascar Bourbon. Here he is, testing the glaze for his blood orange cake. He wants the new cake to be ready this Sunday.

"Jaehyun, I already cleaned up everything. I will go back home now. You should get home soon too." The cashier calls him from the kitchen entrance.

"Oh I forgot about the time." He then takes a glance at his watch, it's 9 p.m. "Thank you for reminding me. I'll finish this and close the bakery. You worked hard today, see you tomorrow."

The cashier nods his head and closes the kitchen door. After pouring all the blood orange glaze into a clean jar and put it into the refrigerator, Jaehyun also quickly cleans up the place to head home.

As he is walking on the street, he notices there are a couple of kids playing in the playground. He also loves these places so much when he was small. Jaehyun takes a deep breath. He will have a busy weekend. He is planning to have some time off for himself soon if this new cake receives good feedback.

The first rain drop appears. Lucky for him, he remembers to bring the umbrella. However, he doesn't want to come home. This season rain comes and goes quickly. Besides, he hasn't eaten dinner. He decides he will have a noodle cup at GS25. This kind of weather is perfect to have noodles. His home is not too far, he can come back home anytime he wants.

He gets a cup of noodles, a boiled egg and one hot dog. Although he is not a big fan of instant food or junk food, he gladly to have it sometime. As he is waiting for his turn to pay, the door opens again and there was you quickly running in. Outside it is heavily rain now.

There are two things that make he notices about you, a strange person. Firstly, the way you close the door. Normally people will let it auto close, but you turn around and make sure it closes. And the second thing is, when you get into the line to wait for payment, he sees you pick exactly the same things with him, the same noodle flavour, a boiled egg and hot dog.

"How do you want to pay?" The cashier voice makes Jaehyun turns his head straight.

"By cash please."

He chooses one random table beside the window to drop his bag. Only a few mins later, you appear on the second floor. A sudden thunderclap while you're trying to get your noodle out of the machine makes you startle a bit. Luckily you didn't drop your whole hot noodle cup.

"Are you ok?"

You hear someone asking and as a natural reflex, you raise your head toward the sound. Very nice voice, you thought. This guy is tall, handsome, he looks young, maybe around the same age as you, and you can see the cute dimples when he smiles.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good. I was just startled because of the sudden loud sound. Thanks for asking."

"Where is your table? Let me help you bring it to your place."

No, I'm fine, no need to do that. You really want to refuse but somehow, you're not doing that. Instead, you point to your table and say: "Then could you please help? I sit there."

Your table accidentally the one right in front of Jaehyun's table. He really wants to ask if he can sit with you so that he will have a chance to talk with you more. But at the same time, he thinks it might make you feel uncomfortable. He is a stranger anyway. So, after putting down your stuff and wishing you enjoy your meal, he just returns to his table.

Today is a super busy day. You have a late lesson and ton of tasks need to be done for next week course. No one is home since your parents are enjoying their married ceremony trip. You slowly enjoy your noodle cup, perfect for this kind of weather. Sometimes you stop to look outside. You like rainy days, you like watching it like this. The smell of the air in the rain and after the rain makes you feel fresh. Drop your chopstick down, you get your phone to message Jungwoo and ask him to bring you an umbrella.

From the corner of your eyes, you notice the handsome guy is cleaning his table. Seems like he just finished eating and is about to leave. He then slowly approaches you with an umbrella in his hand.

"Hi, sorry it's me again. It is raining outside, and I notice you don't have an umbrella. My house is near here so I can quickly run. Do you need this?" He smiles shyly while offering his umbrella. His dimples pop up again and you notice his ears are pink too.

You smile widely, shake your head to let him know that you don't need it. "Oh, thank you! That is so nice of you. My friend will be here soon to catch me so no worry. Besides, even when your house is near, I don't want you to get wet."

"Ok." Jaehyun nods, right when he is about to say more, you hear Jungwoo calling your name.

"Y/N ah!"

You wave your hand and smile widely when you see him.

"Jungwoo?"

Jungwoo was surprised when he saw you talking to a strange guy from far away, but then turns out this strange guy knows him.

"Oh, you are the cashier I met earlier at the Jung bakery, Jaehyun, right?"

"Right, it's me. It great to see you again Jungwoo."

"You guys met each other before?" You question both.

"Yes, we did." Jungwoo nods. "He is the cashier I met at the Jung bakery; I told you remember? Jaehyun, this is Y/N, she is my best friend."

"Nice to meet you Y/N, I'm Jaehyun." He reaches out to shake your hand.

"Nice to know you, Jaehyun. So, you are the one who promised to give Jungwoo free cookies next time he comes to Jung bakery."

"Ha ha yes that's me." He scratches the back of his head. His ears turn red again.

"We will make sure to go back next time. It is already 9, I should get Y/N home, or her parents will worry. I bring extra umbrella for you." Jungwoo gestures you to stand up and you quickly follow him after cleaning your table.

You give Jungwoo the hot dog you bought earlier. "I bought it for you."

"Nice, thank you. Jaehyun, we will go now. See you later!"

"Take care." Jaehyun waves his goodbye. He is still looking at your way after you leave. The world is so small, he is surprised at the way he knows you and your friend. He feels relief because you don't have to go out in the rain alone. There are three more things he notices about you. He thinks about you and Jungwoo, you both must have a special bond. He takes note that you have a pretty smile, and you seem bubbly. He can't wait to see you again at his bakery to find out what do you like.

_______________________________

"How do you know him?" Jungwoo asks when both of you are on the way back to your apartment. "I mean Jaehyun."

"I actually don't know him. We accidentally met at GS25. He is offering me his umbrella and then you came." You shrug. "But he seems kind. Surprisingly you met him before."

Jungwoo nods his head. "From what I see, he seems nice. And if I'm not mistaken, he is your ideal type, sis." You can sense the mischievous in the way Jungwoo sounds.

"CLOSE. Close, okay." You raise your eyebrows at your best friend. "I won't deny that he looks attractive. But we barely talked, I know nothing about him."

"Do you want to pass by Jung bakery this weekend? On Sunday morning? My mom asks me to buy a new sourdough, and you can have a pain au chocolat for yourself."

"Deal. Do not just talking about my love life. What about you and Ahreum, anything new?"

Jungwoo turns to look at you with a big grin on his face. "I asked if she wants to watch a movie with me this weekend and she said yes."

"Ya bro, congratulations. Be good to her or else you will hear a whole lesson from me."

"Roger that."

__________________________

_Saturday_

You're sitting in Ten's coffee shop, nonstop typing to work on your assignment. Your professor wants you to finish research about blood pressure before the next subject. Ten was not only reserved a place near the window for you, but he also prepared double shot latte for you.

The weather is nice, the sky is blue and not too hot thanks to a huge rain last night. Sometime during your work, you take a look outside, wishing you were out there, inhaling a deep breath of fresh air. Taking a sip of coffee, you suddenly remember how caffein affects blood pressure. You promise to cut down on caffeine right after this busy week is done, even when you have no health problem.

Time flies so fast. You don't even realize it is lunch time. Not until your stomach growls and Ten approaches you.

"You want some lunch here?" He asks.

"Thank you but not today. Mom asked me to have lunch at home, today my grandmother will visit us. Have a nice day Ten."

"Nice day Y/N. Send my hello to your grandmother for me."

"I will. See you later!"

While packaging your stuff and ready to leave, you see a familiar person passing by. It is Jaehyun. He must go back to the bakery, you thought. After a few minutes thinking, you decide you will visit the bakery today. I can buy cookies for grandmother; I can treat myself with a small box of mini choux... You try to think about reasons why you want to go there, but deep inside, you know you just want to meet him again. It doesn't harm to get to know him better.

Jung bakery is just a few meters from Ten's coffee shop. The door is painted in white, it kind of different from most bakeries you know, which is coloured in brown. You push the door to step in. The doorbell is ringing and the first person you see is Jaehyun, who is busy organizing a new rack of freshly baked pastries.

"Welcome..." Jaehyun stops for a few seconds when he sees it is you. "Oh Y/N, hi."

"Hi Jaehyun." You smile. "How are you doing today?"

"Good, I guess, we had a busy Saturday morning. But I met a very lovely old couple. The grandfather is so careful toward his wife. They remind me of my grandparents."

"That's so lovely."

"Do you especially want anything today? Free cookies are on me."

"Oh no, no, I mean, Jungwoo isn't here today. We will come back tomorrow morning and you can give it to him then. I think I will have some soft cookies. And a box of mini choux." You grin.

"But I want to give you free cookies." Jaehyun smiles back. His ears are slowly turning red again. "You like cookies and choux here?"

"Cookies are for my grandmother, she is going to visit us today, and she likes soft vanilla cookies. Well, she shouldn't eat much but one is fine. Choux isn't my number 1 choice, but I haven't eaten it for a while. Oh, I won't take that craquelin, mini chocolate choux please." You point at the chocolate one. You should get them by yourself, but Jaehyun insists on doing that for you.

"Anything else?"

"That's enough, thanks Jaehyun."

"Then what do you like?"

"Me? Err a bit complicated?" You shrug. "But I love chocolate for sure, dark chocolate, around 80% cocoa and above. I really like the pain au chocolat here, the special version using dark chocolate. The baker here should get praise for making it."

Jaehyun laughs. His ears are now totally red after hearing your compliment. You haven't figured out he is that baker. He just nods his head constantly to let you know he is listening to everything you are saying.

"I guess you don't like things that is too sweet?"

"Yes, you're right, I prefer sweet and sour. What about you Jaehyun? What do you like?"

"I like dark chocolate too. I think we have the same taste. My pick here along with Pain Au Chocolat is Salted Chocolate Brownie Cookie."

You can feel your phone ringing inside the pocket. You excuse Jaehyun to answer the phone call from your mom. She said your grandparents are home now and asked if you could go back soon.

"Sorry Jaehyun, I gotta go now. It's nice talking with you today."

"Your cookies." Jaehyun nods and hands you your paper bag. "I guess I will see you tomorrow?"

"Of course, Jungwoo and I will be here tomorrow morning. See you then!"

"Have a nice day Y/N."

He looks at your small figure. Still the same way of closing the door. Today he knows one more thing about you: You love dark chocolate.

_________________________

Your grandparents greeted you with a warm hug. They still choose to live together in their small house in the suburbs instead of moving to Seoul. Grandmother said that she loves the air there, while grandfather has his friend group who always love to play chess with him every afternoon. The house has a small garden with a lot of roses. Grandfather said it is grandmother's favourite flower.

"I miss you so much, baby girl."

"Grandmother, I'm an adult now, only you keep calling me baby girl." You pout.

"In my eyes, you will always be a baby girl who loves watching me take care of roses and running toward your grandfather's way every time he says let's take a picture." Your grandmother smoothing your hair.

"I bought your favourite vanilla soft cookies." You open the paper bag and there is something to surprise you. Not only two cookies and a box of choux you bought earlier, but you also find one more cookie that noted "Salt Chocolate Brownie Cookie" and a small piece of dark chocolate.

Jaehyun's favourite things. You're not aware that you're smiling like an idiot until your father calls you and asks you to help him in the kitchen.

"I'm coming dad."

_____________________________

_Sunday_

You woke up early, rode a bike around Han River and took a shower before texting Jungwoo. After half an hour preparing, with two pumps of your first pick perfume, and finally stepping into your favourite light purple sneakers, you are now ready to go out.

Jungwoo is patiently waiting for you downstair. When he sees you are coming, he smiles. You definitely care about your appearance today. Normally it only takes you 10 mins to get ready. He is not sure what or who affects your decision, but he has a name on his head.

"Morning." He welcomes you. "Look like someone is in a very good state."

"ME." You point at yourself. "I had a good sleep last night; I woke up early this morning and I even had some time to ride a bike. It has been a while since I have had this much spare time. Now I get why people keep advising you to live a healthy life."

"Look who is talking, a future doctor. Besides, I think you still care about your health, it’s just you are too busy lately."

"Maybe you're right. Hey, my grandparents visited yesterday. Grandmother made a whole box of kimchi dumplings for you. I will give it to you later."

"She is like my grandmother too. Are your grandparents well?"

"Sure, they are. They look so happy every time I meet them. How I wish I could be like that when I am older."

"Not just you sis, they are basically everyone's dream." He smiles.

"I will visit Ten first, do you want a drink?"

"One ice americano please. Then I'll go to the bakery first, see you there."

________________________

Jaehyun should have stayed in the kitchen today but he couldn't keep himself away from the main room. He uses every spare time to tiptoes and sneakily takes a peek at the main room, that makes other bakers who work with him and even the cashier looks at him in curios. They used to sell new cake before, but they had never seen their boss act like this. Only Jaehyun knows the main reason why he keeps going back and forth.

The door opens and Jungwoo steps in. As usual, he goes straight to get your Pain Au Chocolat first then looks around. Jaehyun was standing behind the door when Jungwoo came. He assumes that you come with Jungwoo, it takes him less than one minute to leave his apron and oven glove behind to go out.

"Good morning Jungwoo!"

"Hi Jaehyun. How are you today?"

"I'm doing good." Jaehyun answers but instead of fixing his eyes on Jungwoo, he glances around trying to find your presence. Jungwoo seems to sense this as well. He slightly smirks before giving the new friend an assurance statement.

"Y/N is buying drinks, she will be here soon."

"I see..." Jaehyun nods his head. "Did you choose what you like? Today we have a new cake, Blood Orange Bundt Cake, maybe you would like to have a try?"

He notices Jungwoo only gets one Pain Au Chocolat, and it makes him quite confused. Isn’t he supposed to get two for you and for himself?

"Sorry to ask but I see you only grabbed one Pain Au Chocolat? We still have many."

"Oh, actually this is not my favourite, sorry to the baker but I'd prefer something sweeter, or soft cakes, so I'd love to try the new Bundt cake. I only bought this for Y/N, she is so obsessed with it."

"Hi guys, hi Jaehyun~" Your bubbly voice echoes in the air. You look pretty today; and Jaehyun can smell the sea salt and sage when you step inside. The sense is very fresh. Must be her perfume.

"Good morning Y/N."

"How are you guys doing?"

"I'm picking today's sweet treats follow Jaehyun's suggestion." Jungwoo smiles and slightly waves the tray in front of your eyes. "Your number one pick is already here, no worry sis."

"I am not worrying about that." You glare at him before turning to Jaehyun. "What are you suggesting for him?"

"I told him we have a new cake today, Blood Orange Bundt Cake. I have a small piece for tasting here, wait for me a bit." Jaehyun quickly excuses himself to the kitchen.

You find things seem a bit strange. As you remember, Jaehyun is a cashier, but the old cashier is here. Besides, if the bakery wants the customer to have a taste before buying, they should put it here so that everyone knows. You are confused but before asking your best friend, he says another thing that catches your attention.

"I think he cares about you." Jungwoo nudges your shoulder. "He was obviously looking for you while you weren't here. He didn't even refuse that." He smirks.

"So what? We told him we would be here today, there would be nothing strange if he was looking for me. Maybe he was just curious."

That's when the kitchen door opens and Jaehyun comes back with two slices of the new cake. He asks both of you to sit down.

"Our new cake guys. Enjoy eating." He gives you both clean forks.

"Thanks, Jaehyun, it smells good." You smile. "And delicious." You nod your head after tasting one piece. "Sweet and sour at the same time. I love it."

The smile spreads across Jaehyun's lip. Jungwoo also nods his head in approve. "She's right, this one is a boom, Jaehyun. You said it is new, right? Soon, it will be one of the top sellers. I am already a fan of it."

"Thanks guy." Jaehyun shyly scratches the back of his neck. “Fruity pastries aren’t my strength. It’s great to hear such compliments from you two.”

"Oh, I almost forget." You put the fork down and grab the Matcha latte cup on the table, hand it to Jaehyun. "I bought this for you. I want to thank you for your cookies yesterday. I don't know what you like and whether you drink caffein or not, so I bought Matcha latte, hope it's ok."

Jaehyun eyes soften. "You don't have to do that. Thanks Y/N! Matcha latte is good. And for your information, I can drink caffein, I prefer coffee to tea...I mean if you want to know." His ears are turning red again.

You giggle. "Yes, I'd love to know that. Can we stay here for a while? I'd like to enjoy my Pain Au Chocolat before it gets cold."

"Do you want me to heat it up for you? Jaehyun suggests.

"That'd be great but am I bothering the baker?"

"No worries, you're not bothering me at all."

"You are the baker here?" Jungwoo looks at him confusedly.

"Yup I am. Actually, I am the owner here." Jaehyun sheepily smiles. "My full name is Jung Jaehyun, and that's how I named the bakery, Jung bakery."

"I thought you were a cashier, and I couldn't help but wonder why you don't have to work, sorry." Jungwoo says.

"Me either, hehe sorry Jaehyun."

"It's ok." Jaehyun laughs. "I should have told you earlier. Here, let me heat up the Pain Au Chocolat for you. And do you want another slice of this Bundt cake or something else Jungwoo?"

"A big slice of Blook Orange Bundt is perfect, thanks chef!"

Jaehyun takes your bread with him and disappears to the kitchen. You and Jungwoo share a look before you both laugh out loud.

"Uhmmm, so he cares about you, and he bakes your favourite bread."

"You love teasing me, don't you?" You wince.

"Sis, I am serious. Jaehyun seems like a good guy, at least I think you guy can be a very good friend."

"Ok ok, stop it. He will get back here soon."

Jaehyun soon is back with two plates. He carefully puts them down on the table and then accuses to back to work since customer is coming more and more. You cut the bread, the scrunchy sound is perfect, and its smell is definitely a blessing to your soul. You love the bakery; you love good coffee, and you love a peaceful morning spent with your close friends.

Before leaving, you and Jungwoo decide to buy some more sweet treats, and of course can't forget the sourdough bread for Jungwoo's mom. Jaehyun insists he wants to pack all by himself. The cashier couldn't help but let his boss do his job.

Jungwoo goes back home quick, just to give his mom the freshly baked bread. He also helps you leave your pack inside a refrigerator. Today you and him have an important thing that needs to be done, which is helping Jungwoo buy a gift for Ahreum. He has a movie date with Ahreum today evening and your friend wants to give her a small gift. You found it really lovely.

You get back home at 2pm after having lunch. Jungwoo is having his first date and you feel so happy for him. At the same time, you can't help but think when you will be able to find yourself a lover.

You open the refrigerator and see the paper bag from Jung bakery. Jung Jaehyun really knows how to make small surprises. Besides what you bought earlier, you find another extra cookie, and a note says that "Dark chocolate fill with Salted Caramel. I'm testing this new recipe and I want you to be the first one who taste it ^.^"

The smile spread across your lips when you read his note. Cute. But Jaehyun is not only knows how to make small surprise, but he also knows how to give you a big one. Another note falls out of the bag when you try to take out the lime roll cake.

"Y/N, do you want to go out and watch a movie with me tonight? This is my phone number, text me if you have some spare time and if you feel comfortable enough."

- Jaehyun -

Your mouth forms a slight O and you keep reading his message again and again. You walk back and forth in the living room for at least half an hour. Do you have free time tonight? Yes, you already finished all the tasks and tonight is a Sunday night. Do you feel happy? Yes, in fact. Do you want to go out with him? Yes.

Jaehyun is a definition of what you all ever imagine about a prince charming. The only thing that is preventing you is your scaredy-cat soul.

You get the phone from your pocket and unhesitant text Jaehyun. Well, go big or go home. Why do you have to reject him just because you feel insecure that things might not work?

The guests are still coming but Jaehyun is not that busy. His bakery always closes sooner every Sunday as the way he treats himself, and his co-worker, so that they have full energy for the whole new week. He puts the glove down right when he feels his phone vibrating inside the apron's pocket.

"YES!" His voice echoes inside the kitchen and makes everyone turn around and look at him.

"You must receive some good news." One of the bakers asks him.

"I was wondering the same thing. He looked anxious the whole day." Another baker adds.

"Nothing guys." Jaehyun says nothing but his ears are red. His eyes are sparkling. His hand keeps scratching the back of his neck. And he couldn't stop smiling like an idiot. Everyone can clearly see that he is very happy.

Jaehyun takes a glance at his watch. It is almost 4 p.m. The bakery is about to close. He quickly cleans things in the kitchen so that he can return home right when the bakery closes and prepare to hang out with you tonight.

4.03 pm

Jaehyun turns the sign to CLOSE. The cashier just left a few secs ago. Jaehyun looks at the kitchen and main room once again before getting his backpack and locks the bakery's door carefully.

He passes by the flower shop on his way home. He chooses a small bouquet of pink tulips. It catches his eye right when he steps into the shop, he thinks it is perfect for you, with those pink soft petals and green leaves. If he must choose one color to describe you, it'd be pink. Lovely, bright and full of charm.

After paying, he quickly returns home to take a shower. He is going to have the first date with you tonight, at 5.30 pm. First date.

His voice can be heard inside the bathroom. Jaehyun has a warm voice, but he rarely sings. Normally he is too focused on baking to sing. But the happy feeling makes him want to sing today.

Jaehyun chooses a loose white T-shirt, along with a pair of jeans and a leather belt. Casual. He already decided which perfume he is going to use tonight. He then looks at his reflection in the mirror and takes a deep breath. Nervous but excited, especially when the time to his date is near.

5.20 pm

Jaehyun is already standing on the first floor of your apartment and patiently waiting for you. He holds the tulip bouquet in his hand and walks back and forth slowly. You can see him from far away. How can he look so good even with just a simple loose white T-shirt? Your heart skips so many beats as you come closer to him.

His eyes meet yours and he welcomes you with the most beautiful smile you think you have ever seen.

"Hi Jaehyun." You shyly say in a tiny voice.

"Hi Y/N, I bought this for you."

"I love it, thanks. I really like flowers, and the pink color."

A big smile appears on Jaehyun's face. So, you like pink. He got the color right; he is having a good start.

"You look beautiful today, shall we get going?"

----------------------

You are now sitting on Jaehyun's car with the bouquet on your thigh. He turns on the radio and the familiar melody fills the place.

"I see the light." You slightly nod your head, approve of his song's choice.

"Do you like Disney?" Jaehyun takes a glance at you from his driver seat, sheepishly asks.

"I do. I am a huge fan of Disney." You giggle and that makes Jaehyun feel relief. One more thing to take note of you.

"Where are we going?"

"I know a very cozy restaurant with delicious food. Is there anything you can't eat?"

"No, I am not allergic to anything. You?"

"Me either. My favourite food is spicy pork. What about you?"

"I like many things, but my mom's sweet and sour pork rib is the best."

Things are flowing well. You and he can't stop with small talk on the way to the restaurant. Jaehyun is a gentleman, and he is so down-to-earth person. He knows how to make you feel comfortable. He shows his good manners. He is super funny, much funnier than you thought. And he shares similar tastes with you on so many things. He makes you feel like you have known him for a long time, not just a week.

"What movie do you want to watch?" You ask him when you both stand in front of those movie posters inside a cinema theatre.

"Lady first, what movie do you want to choose?" He gestures to you to pick.

"Should we say it at the same time? I already had my pick."

"Funny, ok I'm on it."

"Ready! 1, 2, 3. Elementals."

You both say it at the same time and laugh.

"You choose it because I played I see the light on the car or because of your love with Disney movie?" Jaehyun asks.

"Both. I prefer animation, comedy, romance, kinda like that. Not scary and horror movies. Besides, this one has good reviews, and you like Disney too so I think it's a good choice for both of us."

"Nice. I watched its trailer, it seems interesting. Let's go. I'll buy a ticket."

"Then let me buy popcorn and drink." You offer.

"Deal." Jaehyun nods after a few seconds. He then turns to face you and speaks. "But next time please let me pay for it. I am the one who asked you to go out with me."

"So, it's mean we will have the second date?" You say in a super tiny voice.

Jaehyun quirks his eyebrows. He lowers his head to look at you closer. "What did you say?"

Your eyes met his. He has such beautiful eyes. Why does he look so perfect? Your heart skips so many beats and you think if he gets even closer, he will be able to hear it.

"Huh, nothing. Let's get in line." You blink your eyes and turn around to get into the line. Jaehyun is smiling behind you at how adorable you act.

Your first date with him is coming to an end. You're waiting for Jaehyun in front of the theatre while he is getting his car. Jaehyun's jacket has a warm and sweet smell, something like vanilla. It feels like him, warm and sweet.

His car stops and there is Jaehyun, running out to open the car door for you to hop in. He mumbles "careful" while keeping his hand above your head.

"I turned on the heater, let me know if you still feel cold."

"It is warm now, thanks Jaehyun. Do you mind if I play some music?"

"No, not at all. How about you choose the music this time?" Jaehyun smiles and takes a glance at you. "I'd like to know your favourite song."

"Alright. It's not Disney though. But I promise it is good."

During the drive back home, Jaehyun shares with you his decision of opening his own bakery. It was not easy at all, but he is lucky that his parents are his biggest supporter. You talk about your dream of becoming a good doctor. That's why you chose this course but now you're a bit struggling.

"You shouldn't force yourself too much." Jaehyun says. "You're not simply studying, you're acquiring it, and because it is needed to help people, which you want to do, right? I always tried to think about that during my course, to make the lessons less boring." He grins.

"You used to feel boring during your classes?" You surprise. "I know chefs also have to learn both theory and practice. But isn't it should be more interesting when you have more chance to practice?"

"Yup, but not when you have to learn how to cut onion again and again."

You laugh at Jaehyun's story. You totally agree with him. Helping people is what you want to do, helping people makes you happy and that is your biggest motivation to do the best on this course.

As the car enters the parking lot, you start to feel sad and disappoint a bit. This is the best first date ever and Jaehyun is much more charming than you thought he could be. He opens the door for you and you both walk together back to your home.

The weather is very nice. You take a deep breath to enjoy the fresh air. There are moments when Jaehyun's hand slightly brushes your hand but you both do nothing. He then breaks the silence first.

"May I ask how long have you known Jungwoo? I know you too are best friend, seems like you both know each other for a very long time."

"I have known him my whole life." You grin. "Our parents are good friends too and they are neighbors. Then me and Jungwoo were born in the same year, amazing, isn't it." You turn to face him. "He is my childhood friend, my best friend, and sometimes like my big brother since I am an only child."

"It's amazing. Good to hear that you have a very good friend that always stays by your side." Jaehyun nods.

"I know. I think I am very lucky to have him as a friend. Do you have many close friends?"

"I do, I have some close friends, but not too many. Most of them are my classmates during high school. It was a good old time. We play games together, play basketball together. They visit my bakery quite often. I hope I can introduce them to you. They're all good guys I promise." Jaehyun puts his hand on the sky. His dimple is showing again, and he makes you laugh at his adorable dork side.

"Well then I'd like to meet them too."

You can see your apartment building now. It is time to bid goodbye.

"Do you have class tomorrow?" Jaehyun asks.

"Yeah, I do have one class in the early morning, and a team meeting in the afternoon. You will close the bakery tomorrow, right?

He nods. "Yes, do you want to visit the bakery tomorrow after you are done with the meeting? I was practicing the new recipe and it'd be great if you can help me with the taste." He scratches the back of his neck.

"I will. I'd love to do that Jaehyun." The smile spreads across your lip. "I will see you tomorrow then."

"I have a super fun day, thank you Y/N. Goodnight!"

"Me either. Wish you have a good dream." You wave your hand and slowly go toward your apartment. "Get safe, text me when you get back home."

Jaehyun nods and raises his hand waving at you too. He still stands there for a few more minutes until he no longer sees your figure. He walks back to his home, sometimes skipping on the street and the smile is non-stop appears on his handsome face. Today he has a chance to talk more with you, to know more about you. You have dimples, not very clearly but he can show it whenever you tighten your lips. He couldn't wait until he could see you again tomorrow.

_______________________

One missed call from Jungwoo and two new messages unread right when you finished showering. He seems very excited and can't wait to tell you about his first date with Ahreum.

"Bro, I just got back home half an hour ago. How was your first date?" Your voice echoes through the phone.

"I had an amazing day today. She is so sweet, and you know what, we will have the second date next week."

You can even hear the happiness in Jungwoo's voice. "I'm so happy for you Jungwoo. Let me guess, you are non-stop smiling on the bed right now. Are you sure you can sleep well tonight?"

"If I dream about her."

"Eww cheesy."

"But you, Y/N, I just realized it is almost 10. Where did you go, may I ask, my best friend?"

"I went to a cinema and watched Elementals."

"With?"

You roll your eyes before answering Jungwoo. "Jaehyun"

"Ok...What? You hang out with Jaehyun?"

"Calm down, you are going to wake up all the neighbors. I can even hear your voice from my apartment."

"Now that's too much sis. But seriously, you too watched a movie together? Is that a date?" His mischievous laugh could be hear clearly.

"Is that?"

"I'm asking you."

"Yes, it is, it is a date. You happy now? Jaehyun is so nice, Jungwoo. He is much more charming than I have ever thought, than we have ever thought. He is such a gentleman, and he takes good care of me today. I truly think this is my best first date."

"While I am seriously thinking that I should talk with him more. To see how he is able to win my best friend's heart in such a short time. But you sound happy Y/N."

"Do not scare him, what if he run away?"

Jungwoo laughs hard. "How can I? Besides, he won't do that. From what I saw earlier, he is so whipped for you. Finally, you are no longer single."

"Hey that's too fast, we haven't done anything yet. I have to dry my hair now. Sleep and I hope you dream about your princess tonight."

"Goodnight, Y/N."

"Goodnight."

_________________________

Monday is always a tough day. But today is different. The early morning class wasn't that hard. The meeting went well. Even the strict professor didn't give your class extra homework. And you are going to meet Jaehyun. Perfect.

The bakery's sign is close; but the room is bright as usual. Jaehyun is waiting for you on the waiting bench inside. You pop your head round the door and show him the bright smile.

"Good evening."

"Hi, you really came." Jaehyun instantly stands up.

"Of course I am. I had a great day today. Everything went well. How was your day Jaehyun?"

"Great, it's good seeing you happy like that. You know, I just visited the local market, look what I bought." Jaehyun shows you the package and you can immediately recognize it.

"Hot tteok?"

"Well, it is no longer hot but yeah. Do you like it?"

"Yes. When I was a little kid, my mom usually bought it for me when she went to the local market. Part of the childhood." You shrug.

"Do you want to visit my workplace?"

"Isn't this place?"

"I mean the kitchen." He laughs. "I barely stay in the main room. Come on, let me show you."

You follow him. The kitchen and the main room are just separated by a door and a small lobby. The kitchen, surprisingly, doesn't look like those kitchens you always see in the movie. It is much more interesting than that.

"You have a kitchen bar?"

"Surprise!" Jaehyun spreads his arms and turns around looking at you with a proud face. "This is where I spend most of time, so I don't want it just simply a kitchen. There is a storage room, and an office room over there for everyone to rest too."

"This is amazing. You are amazing Jaehyun."

You are busy scanning around, while Jaehyun's eyes are focusing on you. Your face fills with awe and he thinks that is really cute.

"Thank you! Oh my God I'm sorry, you must be hungry. I forgot that I should heat up the cake for you first."

"No need to rush, I'm good." You smile gently. "You must put a lot of effort into this. Your workspace is so cool."

"I don't think I can handle it all without the help from my family and my friends. I really appreciate their help. Happy to hear that you love it."

You sit down at one of the chairs in front of his kitchen bar. Looking at Jaehyun, who is heating up the cake, you finally understand why people say that hard-working men are attractive. You cannot stop yourself from smiling.

"You want to try something new?" He turns around. His dimple shows up and you feel your heart beating faster again.

"What new?"

"I will show you..." He nods his head at the ting sound of the microwave. "After we eat the tteok."

________________________

"Y/N, have you ever wondered why I only have freshly baked Pain Au Chocolat on Wednesday and Sunday?" Jaehyun asks. He takes something out of the refrigerator.

"I know nothing about baking." You grin. "But I used to tell Jungwoo that I was actually satisfied with the fact that Jung Bakery doesn't provide it daily. Wednesday is the toughest day and Sunday is the rest day of the week for me. I need extra happiness on those days."

Jaehyun laughs. In front of you now is dough, and two bakery rollers.

"Good things take time." He smiles. "My teacher said Making croissants is a project. It needs time to rest, to develop all the layers. It doesn't mean we can't make it daily, there are lots of recipes that allow you to do that. But I strongly agree with you that we need extra happiness on Wednesday and Sunday, that's also a reason why I have more sweet treats on the menu those days. And 10% off on Monday." He winks.

You both share a look before laughing. "So, I didn't say nonsense things. What is the new thing that you ask me to try?"

"Do you want to make a pain au chocolat yourself?"

"Like how?"

"Here, let me show you."

You come and stand beside him. Even though this is not the first time you stand too close next to him, you still can't stop yourself from, firstly, distracting, and secondly, nervous. The height gap, his perfume, his face, everything about him makes your heart flutter.

"You should roll the dough like this until..." Jaehyun keeps talking but you can only catch some of the words. Sometimes you think you are lucky that he isn't your professor's TA or kind of like that because you will definitely become a nonprofessional person if you work with him.

"Y/N?"

"Yeah? Oh, I'm so sorry, I was spaced out a bit. Can you please repeat the move?"

Instead of explaining again, Jaehyun steps behind you and wraps his arms around you. You feel like your heart stops beating for 1 second. He is so close that you can even feel his hot breath on your skin.

He holds your hand and rolls the dough with you. "There."

The process is quite interesting, but you are too distracted by Jaehyun. You turn your head to look at him, but his face is now so close to you.

"Y/N." He calls your name again. His voice is so warm. His eyes are so beautiful. He looks beautiful.

You lean in and kiss him, a light kiss on his plump lips. You both looking at each other. Jaehyun doesn't look so surprised at your action. The next thing he does surprises you more. He wraps his hand around your waist, pulls you closer and kisses you back.

"I really like you Y/N." Jaehyun breaks out into a huge smile. "From the first time I saw you, I already wished that I had a chance to meet you again. I want to see you more; I want to be with you_"

You hug him. "Me too." You chuckle. "Things I love the most today is meeting you.”

“How would you feel about going out on a date with me tomorrow?” He asks, his eyes soften.

"I'd love to. You always know how to give me surprise Jaehyun.”

“I did?”

“Yes. What are we going to do tomorrow?”

“I’m thinking of Disney movie marathon but let save it for the weekend. Since you said I know how to give you surprises, it is a secret now.” He laughs.

“As long as there is you.” You smile.

#fanfic #fic #fluff #senarios #nct #jaehyun #jaehyunfic #stories

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someuncreativi2 · 2 years ago

Text

[] What my Tsaritsa thinks of the Harbingers [] PART 2

Pulcinella

“If I ever have to oversee anything outside of Snezhnaya, the first person I ask to take my position is Pulcinella. Though out of his physical prime, his leadership abilities are certainly remarkable; honestly, he sometimes does a better job at making financial decisions than me.

Also, I know I just said he’s a good leader, but in actuality, he reminds me of an elderly neighbor more than a mayor- the kind that would bring home-baked goods to a solstice dinner and laugh like a character from a children’s book. Well, he actually does that ‘ohoho’ laugh, so maybe that’s part of why I get that feeling from him, but you get what I mean.

This may be a bit of a side tangent, but when I was assigning his position, he seriously suggested we call him ‘the Rooster’. I questioned why he’d want that and he said, ‘because how else would you recognize this old geezer?’ before doing his ‘ohoho’. He really does act like an old neighbor sometimes.”

Capitano

“I truthfully never really connected with the Captain; not in a bad way, but more like we never spoke. I’ve seen him take on monsters ten times his size and come out without a scratch, so I can more than speak on his physical strength. Honestly, it’s a wonder how he only got to the position of Fourth and not higher.

In terms of him as a person, however, we’ve only ever spoken casually a couple of times. Each time we did, he kept his questions and answers short, like, ‘I’m fine’ or ‘it is a shame’. A man of few words, I suppose.

Maybe it’s rude to assume this of him, especially considering his more polite tone, but maybe he doesn’t see reason to speak to me. He’s the only foreign Harbinger that keeps ties with their Archon; in fact, he’s the only decent link I have to Murata… er, by ‘decent’ I mean ‘friendly rivalry’ and not just ‘hatred’… a step up, all things considered.”

Columbina

“You want to know about the Damselette? I’m sorry, but whatever you heard from the others is all I know as well, especially the part about her rank. I know, it’s crazy that I don’t remember why I put her where she is; I get it.

When I ask her about it, thinking the Divine Priest would remember the single most important day in her career, she just smiles and says ‘The Gods brought me here’, and I can’t disprove her ‘claim’, if you can even call it that… every time I try to think about a reason, my head starts hurting, almost like my brain is trying to make me forget…

With that said, despite being physically weak, I don’t have interest in ranking her down. She’s sweet enough, and she gets her job done well enough, so I am truly in no place to tell her off.”

Dottore

“Dottore, Dottore… where do I begin with Dottore?

Let me make something clear: the word ‘brilliant’ does not begin to describe this man. In my centuries of living, I have never once met a medical expert with half as much wisdom as him…

…but that’s the problem. He’s a genius and he knows it. Genius leads to boredom, and boredom leads to innovation… and I don’t think I need to tell you why that’s a problem when out in relation to the man who’s already done every experiment under the sun, and yet strides to find one more.

He hails from the Sumeru Akademiya’s hallowed halls. I’m those halls, there are six cardinal rules; don’t interfere with human evolution, don’t toy with life, don’t go beyond the universe, don’t see into the history of words, don’t revere the gods without devotion, and don’t partake in what is forbidden and feared. My personal theory is that his thesis was how to break every one of these rules, which landed him the cushiony title of ‘expelled’.

I don’t think he’s mad about it, though. Less restricted experimentation seems like a blessing to him, so he probably thanks the Akademiya for his exile. A sentiment I’m sure nobody else even thinks of sharing.”

Pierro

“Oh… him.

Well, he’s… he’s strong, I’ll give him that, and… a-and he knows his way around things, that’s something.

What else, what else… he’s ah… he’s very…

…whatever. Forget I said anything about him to begin with. Please.”

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throatcoat · 3 months ago

Text

sometimes, i lay awake at night, i can not sleep, & i try to remember, i try to think, think, think, but everything is always in this haze of the yellows&purples&browns&blues, the hue of the bruises in the shape of a pointer and a thumb left on my inner thigh. when i see something, i grasp it, i hold it, i speak it out loud into the winds slapping my face raw, into the river where i dreamt of floating down, down, down, into the bathroom sink drain full of hair&vomit&blood, into the chipped cup i refuse to let go of- full of cinnamon orange & lead paint.

i am dissociated from the girl i once was.

that girl who slept outside in the summer just to hear the coyotes howl & yip, the safety of cars passing by& the neighbors tv blaring college football games& the cattle train waking her.

she used to wake up early just to drink coffee every sunday with her papa, to watch the weather reports of canadian blizzards, to poke the fire & watch the snow fall. she would sing her father gospel& draw her mother laughing.

birthdays were halloween decorations, no-bake-cherry-cheesecake, & the girls who still liked me, who now hate me. they were family & cousins & firepits.

i had friends then, before, & after it was never, ever the same.

when i was 15, i found out what love really meant.

it was christmas vacation & pressed up against lockers, the blooming red blood flowing from the boys nostrils (did he not understand? how special a first kiss should be?) & falling down in the school yard. it was a boy in freezing grey minnesota & the drawings he made, the last words he said. it was the stairwells &my name on the loudspeaker. it was walking a mile in the winter just to see my father, thanksgiving spent in a gas station, we would share a coffee & dollar store coffee-flavored-hard-candy. it was sleeping on the pissed soaked carpet like a dog & getting kicked out after. it was a dirty room in a house i had never been to where he held me down, where i took my first drag just to compose myself after. it was a girl with blue hair & even bluer eyes. it was my father on the swing singing. it was my mother getting in her car & leaving. it was that house in that town i hated that smelled of meth & gun powder. it was losing faith & falling out.

when i was 15, my world fell apart.

i do not see how it was ever worth it- the things we do not ever speak about.

i can not grieve her.

the girl i once was.

i can not even remember what she looked like, or felt like, or tasted like.

i can not remember her thoughts swirling, the dread creeping, the crushing adoration she felt for girls & boys who would never notice her.

i can not remember how it felt to punch the dry wall,

only the floating through my childhood bedroom ceiling- the one covered in glow-in-the-dark-stars & a crack from an earth quake.

sometimes i wish i could.

she comes & whispers to me in my sleep, in my dreams.

sometimes, i wish she would shut the fuck up.

#coat the throat

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saturniiinae · 8 months ago

Text

//15 pt. 2//

15 was the year that i lost everything & everyone that ever mattered to me. even the in bits & pieces, the urns full of ash, a letter i want to burn- they never return. no, not wholly.

i am dissociated from the girl i once was.

that girl who slept outside in the summer just to hear the coyotes howl & yip, the safety of cars passing by& the neighbors tv blaring college football games& the cattle train waking her.

birthdays were halloween decorations, no-bake-cherry-cheesecake, & the girls who still liked me, who now hate me. they were family & cousins & firepits.

i had friends then, before, & after it was never, ever the same.

when i was 15, i found out what love really meant.

when i was 15, my world fell apart.

i do not see how it was ever worth it- the things we do not ever speak about.

i can not grieve her.

the girl i once was.

i can not even remember what she looked like, or felt like, or tasted like.

i can not remember her thoughts swirling, the dread creeping, the crushing adoration she felt for girls & boys who would never notice her.

i can not remember how it felt to punch the dry wall,

only the floating through my childhood bedroom ceiling- the one covered in glow-in-the-dark-stars & a crack from an earth quake.

sometimes i wish i could.

she comes & whispers to me in my sleep, in my dreams.

sometimes, i wish she would shut the fuck up.

#dreamjournal.txt

0 notes

levisgirll · 3 years ago

Note

what would life with levi be like post 139?

𝐀𝐎𝐓 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 - 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧(𝟐)

𝙃𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣 ♡♡♡

warning: mention of some spoilers about levi but not major ones as I wont be going in depth about ch 139.

A lot of really cute fluff that I’m sure will warm your heart-

Thanks for sending a question! I'm glad I got another one and ngl this is actually fun to discuss and share my thoughts and ideas with you all :,) I am guessing you are asking about what life y/n would be with Levi after the war and ch. 139 correct?

To be honest, the first thing that comes to mind is that Levi would be actually more relaxed, soft, and happier especially if he is with y/n. After losing some of his comrades, y/n there being by his side would literally make him sometimes during night go emotional and get really clingy to you and he would be extra affectionate and loving. He wants to feel your presence, wants to know you are still there during the night, and wants to definitely hold you. So y/n living with Levi, expect to have some emotional midnights with him and I feel like it would be really deep and he would share his thoughts or maybe talk it out and then he would go on and say he is thankful you are here, by his side and that he would say "Just remember, you mean a lot to me, Y/N. Don't forget that." He has a hard time trying to find the right words to express how much you mean to him but you would get the message either way from his actions and body language. Also, during those nights, he would want a shoulder to cry on and probably just hold on to you and sob a bit on your shoulder (covering his face) because after the war and he has finished serving his duty, he would think about the past and all the people he cared about and his old close comrades and friends, and since Levi is emotional he would just would want y/n to remind him that you are here and you would make him feel so special just by being by his side! hugging him, letting him speak what is in his mind, accept what has happened, and especially showing him love since this man is a bit hesitant and he would want you to do it.

Another thing I think would be like for y/n living with Levi is that to expect a lot of, sight seeing, exploring new places, he would definitely wake you up so damn early to go for this nice café and that they sell fresh baked pastries and he would get bread with you on the way back, holding your hand and keeping you really close to him. When his legs heals, expect also walking in big open green fields, and even hiking! He would only do this with y/n and if they are there and when you both went there, you realized he was really loving to you, and cared for you through his actions asking if you were okay, if you were having a good time with him and....if you were even happy with him! "Are you....happy staying with someone like me?". It breaks Y/N to hear this from him and I think after the war and everything, he would sometimes look down on himself and probably feel self conscious about his scars on his face and he thinks he is 'uglier'. You are now the one who would shut him up even if he says negative things about himself. "Do you think I-" before he even tried to finish his sentence, y/n would go and cover his mouth with their hand. "If you say it one more time, I'm going to smooch your whole face to shut you up." He would then actually laugh every time you do that and finds you adorable, and proceeds to kiss you on the lips, "I love you." He would say that so sweetly, deep and full of emotions while his eyes looking at you filled with love and lust and he would just say that so suddenly and he has been doing that quite often after you started living your life with Levi after the war and it makes you get butterflies every time (also you both are blushing like hell!) He would ask you when he is self conscious if he still looked attractive to you (this is usually when you recently got close with the other neighbors and they loved you and Levi and he would look at the young man talking to his partner, and seeing his face with no scars. He would think that y/n deserved a more better looking guy sometimes) and he would say that he wished he had his other eye to see you more clearly because you become even more beautiful to him and wants to grasp every time he looks at you really clearly, so when you go out he still thinks of you.

He would have a car and he would be pretty good at driving and he would want to take you to the places he would search up and he would literally plan the day the next day without you knowing. so expect surprise trips too! But, he wouldn't want to use his car to be honest and instead using the train for long rides! That's because, he would want his partner to be near him, let them lay on his shoulder or even lap, prepare some sandwiches for y/n and gives it to them just to see them eating the sandwich happily and he finds it really cute. Basically, he wants every interaction with you no matter what.

It would be a simple, but such a loving, warm-hearted, affectionate and basic romantic life that you both would be sooo loved and really happy together <3 he would want to make you laugh every time and he would start laughing too, would take care of you a lot, mentally, physically too even though you always told him you would do some chores instead but he insists "No love, you did enough. Just rest up for today. let me do it okay? And after this I'm taking you out." Also, he would still worry about you a lot and be protective. SO when you go out, he would still message you and wait for you and he get sad when he can't tag along. Once he didn't reply for 30 mins and he was ready to interrogate everyone to find his partner.

I feel like Levi would brag about you quite often to people he would see and talk to, such as you and Levi's neighbors and he would see them in the supermarket early morning (in some mornings you wont be with him cause you were so tired and he gave up and let you sleep in and went instead). He would be buying a bouquet of flowers (he does that every once a while) for you to surprise you when he is back and he would see his neighbors and he would literally talk so highly of y/n, and say such loving things. "Oh Levi, you actually really love Y/N. They are lucky to have you!" and he would stay slight and think. "It's me who is lucky. my whole life I have been unlucky after everything I went through, but meeting y/n. they changed my life and turned it to a better way. they understand me and love me. I love them so much....I don't want them to leave yet." He would say to them and they would encourage him to say it to you but he is kind of shy. SO! he decided to write it in a letter he was secretly hiding it from you and giving it to you for your next anniversary <3 Would defiantly learn how to bake for you, cook new things every week, buy new books that reminds him of you and read it and then he would talk to you about it for hours while drinking tea with him, would take you to shopping and buy you clothes that you would like. and behind closed doors, he wont miss a chance not to show you love, he would hug your waist from behind for soo long (its his favorite) and keeps his head on your shoulder and breathe in your beautiful scent and kiss your skin gently. "Y/N. please, just stay here for another 5 minutes." That 5 minutes was half an hour of smooching and cuddling in the coach and with some hickeys he would leave you on your shoulder (and he lowkey would want you to give him one too- and he would just give you that look saying as if he would want one right now or he wont let you go. so like I said before, clingy soft man? yes. defiantly after everything and since nothing is in his way he would do this and now you can clearly see his loving and soft side that he gives you daily.) Following that, you both would spend the evening, at the balcony, stargazing and he would look at you instead of the stars, while giving a small smile and placing his hand on the side of his cheek. That's because he really thought you were the star, sunlight and bright flower that blooms beautifully which is filled with love and happiness.

Finally, I feel like he would probably be less grumpy and not showing much of his usual stoic expression but instead, his expression would show he is finally relaxed, calm and actually happy inside because living his life with y/n after the war really helped him and made him realize that this. this is how love and life felt like, living with your true soulmate, the connection, emotions you both would share, feelings understood without being explained much, such strong emotional attraction and you were the perfect person to him. this is what changes him and makes him the most soft man out there that if the people from the survey crops where alive such as Erwin and etc. they would be shocked but extremely proud and happy of him because he really deserves it.

I hope this answered your question and this is what I would guess! Anyways, this really warmed my heart answering this and ahhh just imagine this all like, how beautiful and amazing that is? I just wish we all could give Levi a hug. He really is a great man. please feel free to send another question or anyone out there who has one! I hope you and everyone has a good day and let me know if you liked this by leaving a message anywhere, like or a reblog 🥺 ♡ ♡

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natashas-widows · 3 years ago

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101 fluffy prompts

send me your prompt and the person you want it to be with.

prompt credits to : @otppromptlists

001 "You're really soft."

002 "You smell nice."

003 "I'm here for my daily fix of hugs and kisses."

004 "Is it possible to love too much?"

005 "I don't wanna get up-- you're comfy."

006 "I will always be there protect you."

007 "I'm cold. Come closer."

008 "I love you a lot, but please stop trying to cook me dinner, you suck.”

009 "The stars look especially lovely tonight."

010 "I've never seen such gorgeous eyes before."

011 "May I have this dance?"

012 "I can't stop thinking about you."

013 "You'll never feel alone with me by your side."

014 "Let's get to know each other over dinner."

015 "All I want is you."

016 "I could never leave you, I love you too much!"

017 "A fairytale with a happy ending always brings a smile to my face."

018 "I want to hear you sing."

019 "I don't think anyone could ever be as lovely as you."

020 "You look incredible in that."

021 "He/She's quite stunning, isn't he/she?"

022 "Sometimes I just can't control myself when around you."

023 "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

024 "I think I'm in love."

025 "I’d like it if you stayed.

026 "People are jerks, but not you."

027 "I'll share the blankets with you."

028 "I have never felt this way about anyone."

029 "I want this to never end..."

030 "Can I kiss you?"

LIVING TOGETHER

031 "I waxed the floors, grab your fluffy socks."

032 "Who changed the thermostat settings? I’m freezing to death."

033 "Can we just watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch?"

034 "You can put your cold feet on me."

035 "Your stray red item turned my whites pink."

036 "A thunderstorm is rolling through town and you’re scared of lightening/thunder so I’ll protect you."

037 "There was a power outage and now we have to have dinner by candlelight."

038 "Rock Paper Scissors to see who has to go talk to the neighbors upstairs for being too loud."

039 "I just came home to you crying while watching a movie, please tell me what’s going on."

040 "Our AC is out and it’s the middle of the summer."

041 "You found me crying on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night surrounded by a shattered jelly jar."

042 "My parents are coming over in 10 minutes so please put some clothes on"

043 "We’re repainting the apartment and going to the hardware store together to pick out color swatches."

044 "IF YOU USE UP ALL THE HOT WATER ONE MORE TIME IM GOING TO BAN YOU TO THE COUCH FOR A MONTH."

045 "We’re watching Toy Story 3 and we can’t stop crying."

WEDDINGS/PROPOSALS

046 "I caught the bouquet"

047 "My ex just invited me to their wedding and I need you to be my date so it doesn’t look like I’ve spent the last few years failing to get over them."

048 "We accidentally got married in Vegas oops"

049 "I’m really drunk, please help me get safely out of the way so I don’t ruin our friend’s wedding."

050 "I planned out this super romantic proposal and you just ruined it by beating me to whole proposing thing."

051 "I wasn’t planning on asking you, but it appeared to me that life is short. Will you marry me? "

052 "If you shove cake in my face this will be the worst wedding night of your life."

053 "Do you take this man/woman to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife? "

054 "May I have this dance, wife/husband? "

055 "You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m so happy I can finally call you my wife/husband."

056 "I jokingly told you that the only way I’d marry you was if you did this weird outlandish thing, and you actually did it, and I’m kind of charmed."

057 "This is probably a bad time, but marry me?"

MARRIED LIFE

058 "We’ve become the clingy newlyweds you always complained about. "

059 "Your ‘miracle hangover cure’ couldn’t possibly beat mine."

060 "I know you haven’t had the best experience with dogs in the past but look at its face please please can we keep it?"

061 "I wanted to surprise you for our anniversary, but everything that could go wrong, did go wrong."

062 "I beat you at Mario Kart and now you're banishing me to the couch for the night?”

063 "I surprised you with tickets to see our favorite band… WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SURPRISED ME WITH TICKETS TO SEE THEM TOO?"

064 "I know we had a big fight but we still need to decorate the house for the holidays."

065 "Oh! Hey! Could you come and taste this to see if it's okay?"

066 "We’re arguing over book versus movie."

067 "I came home to a Nerf gun on the front porch and a note that says ‘Here is your weapon. I have one too. Loser cooks dinner. Good luck. xo’"

068 "We’ve been celebrating our wedding anniversary on the wrong day for the past nine years."

069 "You had a business trip and I missed you so much that I kind of tore up the house in your absence like a dog with separation anxiety… sorry?"

070 "We both have nowhere else to be so we get to spend our rare day off at home."

PREGNANCY

071 "I bet it’s a girl/boy."

072 "Do you think it’s possible that I…might be… pregnant? "

073 "I thought I was pregnant but the test must have been wrong. I’m not. "

074 "You’re lucky I’m pregnant!"

075 "Can you help me up, your child is pretty heavy."

076 "I could really use a foot rub right now."

077 "Your dad is really excited to meet you soon, it’s driving me crazy."

078 "Do you wanna know the sex of the baby?"

079 "The baby’s kicks are keeping me up at night."

080 "Did you feel that?"

081 "I can’t fit into my favorite dress anymore. "

082 "OH MY GOD I’M GOING INTO LABOR. WHAT DO WE DO NOW?!

083 "I can’t be pregnant… or….OH MY GOD! "

084 "I think you might be pregnant.”

085 "It’s 2 am but you’re craving cake and we’re both up anyway so let’s bake in our underwear."

PARENTING

086 "I knew it was a mistake to get the twins matching clothes."

087 "Sh…they’re asleep."

088 "I think someone had a little accident with the finger paint."

089 "Mondays are your diaper days."

090 "Our kid is totally the one who wanted to build a pillow fort, not me."

091 "Ooh…someone’s got a tummy ache."

092 "Are you sure you don’t want me to drop them off myself? I don’t think you could handle seeing them off alone."

093 "I told you we should have just gotten that German Shepherd puppy."

094 "What do you think for their punishment? Grounding? No video games? No going out for a week?"

095 "Mm…your kid before five in the morning."

096 "Come on now, I think you’re being too harsh. He/she’s just a kid. Remember all of the stupid things we used to do when we were their age?"

097 "So, how should we break the news that they’re going to have a new baby brother or sister?"

098 "I think we should have another."

099 "Why wasn’t I invited to your wedding?"

100 "Okay fine, one more story, but then you really have to go to bed."

101 "…They just grow up so fast."

#natasha romanoff series #chris evans x reader fluff #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers smut #marvel smut #yelena belova smut #chris evans headcanon #daddy!sebastian #mommy!natasha #mommy wanda #marvel fluff #wanda maximoff smut #bucky imagine #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x reader

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sambvcks · 4 years ago

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crawl home to her, b.b. x reader

chapter three // didn’t care much how long i lived

summary: bucky receives a lesson on modern music over cheap beers and freshly baked scones.

warnings: mentions of abuse, food, alcohol consumption, character death (sorry)

word count: 1.6k

author’s note: besties...how we feeling about today’s episode??? using this as a coping mechanism :)

[ read on ao3 | series masterlist | inbox | join my taglist! ]

[ PREVIOUS | NEXT ]

Your record collection was extensive and collecting an unhealthy layer of dust since you had inherited them from your grandmother. It didn’t take long to fish out a Best Of album from the vast shelves, handing over the sleeve to Bucky, who sat patiently on your forest green couch, as you fiddled with the turntable’s needle.

To busy himself, he read over the repertoire of songs listed on the back.

“Let’s Get It On?”

“Usually, a guy buys a girl dinner first, Bucky.” You took a cheeky swig of your beer with an eyebrow raise as he flushed at the insinuation. “We’ll start easy. If I Could Build My Whole World Around You. A criminally under-appreciated love song.”

A bouncy beat crackled through from the speakers as you settled into the couch beside him, tucking your legs beneath you. Today’s choice of pajama bottoms displayed little snowflakes across a navy background, despite the heat outside that still lingered into nighttime.

“I like it.” Bucky decided.

“Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell have so many amazing songs together. She might not sound like it on record, but she had a hard life. Abusive, cheating partners. Brain cancer that killed her young. Hard to know what anyone’s going through behind closed doors.”

I’d put so much love where there is sorrow, I’d put joy where there’s never been before.

“I really like it.”

Your apron still hung from your waist, the gentle tick of the kitchen timer in the shape of a grey cat sat by your side. A reminder of the scones you were whipping up when Bucky unexpectedly appeared on your doorstep. You didn’t question him or bring up the late hour. Simply ushered him in with a smile and a beer shoved into his gloved hand.

Bucky feels comfortable for the first time in a long time. Eyes focused, mind stagnant. Your perfume, woodsy and natural, lingers in the air and he has to take a long gulp of his drink just to occupy himself for just a second.

“I’m glad you like it. Though, I don’t know if I’ve ever met someone who doesn’t like Marvin Gaye. It’s like not liking Queen.”

“Queen?”

The timer rattled on the coffee table and the smell of vanilla and blueberries nipped at Bucky’s nose.

“Saved by the bell! I don’t have the time to berate you on not knowing about Queen.”

You bustled your way back into the kitchen, sliding oven mitts onto your hands as you inspected the oven with a professional certainty. The record out and into the next track as Bucky watched on, your shoulders swaying to the slow tempo. You were light on your feet as you plucked one tray from the heat and replaced it with another.

It was so easy for Bucky to imagine this world as his, with the soft swing of Motown as the soundtrack to your shared afternoons. In a different life, he would come home to your baking, ask how studying went as you swayed in the kitchen together. You would wash dishes next to one another, hips pressed close, and giggle when he would press his sudsy hands onto your cheeks. You would smear remnants of cake batter on his and he would let you feed him dessert from your fingers.

It wasn’t possible, he knew. Probably ever. You would be graduating school soon, off to be an important attorney and he would still just be your across the hallway neighbor who you sometimes shared desserts and pleasantries with. You would find out who he was eventually. Everyone did. You would leave. Everyone did.

You would simply be another in a long line of failed attempts by James Buchanan Barnes.

Still, he thought, we can have this one simple night. Where you don’t know who he is, and he can imagine that it lasts long after he retreats back to his apartment.

‘Heaven must have sent you from above.’ Crooned the lovesick singers on your record player.

As you returned to the living room with another beer and the promise of scones as soon as they cooled, Bucky could only think one thing.

He was definitely starting to like Marvin Gaye.

He was starting to like you, too.

When he returned back to his apartment, hours later with a pile of records you insisted he borrow in his arms and a belly full of blueberry scones, he fell into bed without a care in his mind. It was his first full night of sleep in ninety years.

Bucky started appearing on your doorstep more often.

Your number was now saved in his phone and was his most frequently used contact. You were his secret, though, something he didn’t even share with Dr. Raynor. No matter how many times she tried to get him to speak about his troubling lack of acquaintances.

You were the one thing in the world untouched by all the destruction waging a war between his ears, you were easy and simple and God, it had been a long time since anything had been simple. You didn’t mind that he was brooding and a little bit clueless, or his cheesy jokes and complaints about technology these days.

His record collection was quickly growing, though it was still nowhere near yours.

Most of all, he liked sitting in your apartment, at your kitchen counter or on that forest green sofa of yours. Sometimes, you would let him pick a record and tell him everything you could remember about it. Other times, you would read from your heavy law books and he’d pretend to understand the cases and terminology, head resting against the back of your couch, admiring how your brows would furrow in concentration. He’d tell you not to hunch over your book, but you’d insist you were fine, only to be complaining about your neck the next time he saw you.

“I wish I read more actual books, you know? It seems like all I know these days are case studies.”

The next visit he’d have a worn copy of one of his favorite books tucked under his arm. He’d read to you until you’d doze off to the stories of Bilbo Baggins and his team of dwarves, a blanket tucked up to your neck.

Every visit cemented yourself further and further into his identity, until his trips to the used bookstore down the block became weekly and his morning runs became longer as you pushed more and more baked goods his way. You’d kiss his cheek as you said your goodbyes, leaning against your doorframe as he disappeared into his apartment.

He was happy. Positively, unbelievably happy.

Two days before Bucky’s next scheduled visit, Steve died in his sleep.

Pneumonia, or something, Bucky didn’t really comprehend any of the newscast beyond the headline ‘CAPTAIN AMERICA DEAD’ flashing in bold letters across his television screen.

Sam called early that morning and Bucky just knew. He knew what was waiting for him on the other end of that call, so he shut his phone off and laid back on the hardwood floor of his living room, dead to the world.

He didn’t speak to anyone for a few days, not even bothering with his daily runs or grocery store trips. Your knocks at his door went unanswered, with no trace that you had even stood in the hallway waiting for him other than a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies on his doormat. The only appointment he kept was his therapy, where he stared out the window and counted down the minutes until he could leave. Each attempt on Dr. Raynor’s part to bring up Steve was shut down as quickly as it was brought up.

Finally, a week later, a pounding at the door woke him from a restless afternoon nap.

“Buck, I know you’re in there.��

Sam. Of course.

“These boxes are heavy, come on!”

Sam Wilson took up Bucky’s entire doorway with his broad shoulders, the boxes stacked in his arms taking up the rest. Bucky was quick to usher him in the door, eyeing yours across the hall. He knew one look at an Avenger on his stoop would finally connect the dots for you, and you’d never speak to the Winter Soldier again.

“Keep your voice down.” Bucky shoved the final box through the doorway before securing the lock in place.

Sam surveyed his barren living room, eyes flicking to the crumpled bedsheets gathered on the floor next to his sofa but didn’t linger for long.

“I was worried about you, man.”

It used to be ‘we’, but now it’s just Sam.

“Nothing to worry about.” Bucky pushed past him to his kitchen, collecting stray dishes he hadn’t bothered to move to the sink before then. He felt Sam’s careful gaze on him the entire time. He hated that. He hated how much Sam cared.

He mostly hated how much it reminded him of Steve.

“Found these boxes in Steve’s attic. Had your name on them so I thought you might want ‘em.”

Bucky swallowed hard, focused on scrubbing the dishes under water so hot it was turning the skin on his flesh hand a violent red.

“I know this is hard, Buck-”

The glass he had been rinsing shattered between his fingers and Sam took a step back as Bucky heaved in uneven breaths. There was a long silence between the two grieving men, neither able to fully understand the other. Sam would never feel Bucky’s ninety-year heartache, the abandonment and fear of the life ahead of him. Bucky would never understand the weight on Sam’s shoulders or his unease at the shield tucked under his bed at home.

“I just want to be alone.”

Sam could do nothing but respect his wish.

“Call if you need anything.” Were his departing words as he showed himself out.

Bucky got to work cleaning up the broken glass.

taglist: @tisthedamninez @wcndamaxcmoff @freyagallileaevans @bibliophilewednesday @justtoreblogfics @teti-menchon0604 @l-adysansa @heart-eyes-horan @thiswasnevermylifefromtony @rexorangecouny @dilfvision @urafakebetch @comphersjost @am-tired-bois @spid3rgwen @beautyandthebleh @euphoricaaaa @mackycat11 @inadquacy @withyoutilltheendofthismess @motherofallthesmallthings @victoriabaker112213 @macrillez @stvalentiness @nova10711

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you #marvel imagine #tfatws imagine #tfatws

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calif0rnia-lovers · 4 years ago

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sweet as pie.

a/n: please join me in welcoming sam wilson to the page. first story dedicated to this classic man, surely not the last.

pairing: sam wilson x black!reader

rating: 💙

main masterlist | taglist | divider © @whimsicalrogers

sum: sam is home. although times have changed, his sister’s intentions for him have not. sarah would love for her brother to settle down, and she knows the perfect person to make him do it. but when sam gets caught up with work, he misses the date sarah has set up for him.

words: 2.3K

It’s funny how the human mind works.

How easily certain moments can slip through its cracks. Names, dates, songs, conversations, faces lost to the wind, never to be remembered again. In the same turn, how those same things can be retained, recited down to the last detail in perfection.

Sam Wilson has seen enough in his lifetime--more than most men. No one could condemn him for forgetting the smallest of details from time to time. Sometimes he does. He is human. But, strangely, he can never forget a single detail when it comes to you.

Sam can still remember the first time he saw you.

The coffee-colored, cardboard box you carried in your arms--'living room' written across the front panel in your mother’s flawless penmanship. The dark curls pineappled to rest atop the crown of your head--a last-ditch attempt of fighting the Louisiana heat. The oversized Purple Rain t-shirt faded from too many runs through the wash. The round, black sunglasses sliding down the brim of your nose as you paused to take note of the boy watching you from his front window. Down to the scuffed, worn high tops that could barely pass for white.

He even remembers the soft smile you gave him once he froze--too embarrassed to move from the window after being caught watching you for the third time--before turning to lug the box up the steps of your front porch.

It was the summer of ‘94, and Sam Wilson was running late. He was expected to be at the docks assisting his father. Instead, he was peeping around his mother’s powder blue curtains, attempting to score glimpses of his new neighbors. Primarily their teenage daughter.

It’s not every day that Delacroix welcomes a new resident--let alone an entire family. Later that night, over dinner, his mother shared that you were entering your senior year--same as him.

He still remembers the knotting of his stomach. The strange and unusual experience of being tongue-tied when he’d tripped over his name--his name for god’s sake--that morning, you opened your front door to find him and Sarah on the other side. The kindness of your dark brown eyes as they met his, the soft giggle you released as you ignored his sputtering to accept the chocolate chip cookies his mother sent her children to deliver.

He also remembers the vision of you in your wedding dress. The smile he had to keep plastered on his face the night he learned his skepticism, surrounding death by broken heart, faded. You’ve never felt pain until you’ve seen the woman you love marry another man.

Sam must admit. When he returned, he expected--hoped--that those feelings would have disappeared. That they would have been erased from his life. Only, the moment he returned home, Sam discovered those feelings remained--were stronger even.

Five years later, he found you in the same house. Your parents no lived there. After their return from the blip, they packed up their things. Suddenly, tackling their bucket list was their main priority. You still had your husband’s last name but no husband. He was gone, lost to a younger woman.

Five years later, and Sam Wilson finds himself still frozen by the sight of you.

The long-sleeved maroon shirt he’s tugged on is not his number one choice. It’s all he had in his bag. The time on his watch had forced him into an ultimatum. Either run home, shower, and change into the outfit Sarah helped him pick out and risk being five hours late. Or head straight to your house, and risk being four hours and forty-five minutes late.

Sam opted for the latter.

Flowers in hand, he stands in the gateway of your backyard. His eyes admire the glow of the string lights against your skin. The yard has been transformed. Several tables and chairs, enough to host the entire neighborhood, squeezed into its space. Filled with music and laughter a few hours before the backyard is now quiet. Only the sounds of crickets, and the rustle of the trash bag in your hand, can be heard over the racing of Sam’s heart.

“Hey.” Sam takes a step forward, clearing his throat. “Sorry, I’m late.”

“Late is an understatement.” You don’t bother looking up from the plates stacked in your hands. Dumping them into the black trash bag, you move towards the next table. “You missed the entire party.”

After dumping the trash, you realize that Sam is no longer in the backyard. You find him in the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” You ask, coming to a stop in the doorway.

Sam glances up from the soap-covered glass in his hands. “Helping you clean up.”

You glance around the kitchen, only to find that he’s managed to wash nearly the entire stack of dishes you’ve been dreading the entire night.

“I didn’t realize you still did stuff like this,” you tease. “What with you running off to save the world. Figured you’d just hire someone to do it for you.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I got you to keep me humble,” he winks.

Sam dries his hands with the bumblebee printed hand towel, a satisfied grin on his lips as he takes in the spotless kitchen. He’s too busy admiring his handiwork to realize you’re standing alongside him.

He turns, the snarky comment he’s prepared lost in his throat as he takes you in.

You can’t deny him a smile as you watch his eyes widen, a boyish grin brightening his face as he takes in the plate you’re holding. On it rests a single slice of homemade apple pie, topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and perfectly drizzled caramel.

“I think you’ve earned this.”

“You saved me a piece?”

“No,” you sigh, allowing your eyes to roll. “I actually saved it for me. But if I have to look at your pathetic attempt at puppy dog eyes one more second--”

“You were hoping I’d show up.” The grin on Sam’s face has morphed into a trademark smirk, the sight pulling a giggle from your lips. “You and I both know you don’t save, or share your pie with just anyone.”

Sam’s observation is spot on.

You don’t share your pie--or food, for that matter--with just anyone. In the chaos of hosting the neighborhood, you didn’t have a moment to stop and enjoy your own party. Let alone a slice of the apple pies you’d spent the previous night preparing.

Apple pies--specifically yours--were Sam Wilson’s true weakness.

The moment he sees you lugging home a bag full of granny smith and macintosh apples, he’s on full helicopter mode. You’re not sure how he knows, but he’s got a radar. One that somehow allows him to prophesize the exact moment the pies are out of the oven and set aside to cool.

He’ll show up, stopping by to say hi, or to see if you still need the drainpipe your ex-husband never got around to working on fixed, or to “pass along a message” from Sarah--as though your best friend couldn’t pick up the phone and call. Whatever the excuse Sam Wilson always manages to be the one to get the first slice of your apple pie. He’s smart enough to know that once the children of the neighborhood catch a whiff, they’ll show up on your doorstep. And as much as he loves the kids--Sam isn’t letting them steal his pie.

Sam’s words come out muffled through a mouthful of apples and crust. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Y/N. You should sell these. You'd make a killing.”

“And I’ve already told you, it’s just for fun,” you dismiss his advice, taking another spoonful of ice cream. “Besides, what do you expect me to do? Quit my good paying--although painstakingly boring--job in the hopes that enough people will like my baking to keep me afloat?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Sam nods, a smile growing as he watches your eyes roll.

It’s a conversation the two of you have had for years. Here is the rundown of how it plays out--every single time.

Sam: suggests that you finally open up the bakery you’ve been talking about since your teenage years.

You: dismiss his words of advice, reminding Sam that most teenage dreams are foolish.

Sam: ends the conversation with, “I’d show up every day for a piece.”

You: spend the rest of the night wondering if he’s right, about taking the chance, only to psych yourself out before going to bed.

“I’m just saying,” Sam sighs, sliding the plate to the side. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned. Life is going to pass you by, regardless, no matter what you do. If you give it a shot, and it fails--which is never going to happen--your life isn’t going to end.”

You glance up from the table, a tiny smile on your lips as you take in his soft smile.

“Maybe you’re right,” you shrug. “If all else fails, I’ll just tell everyone it’s the Falcon’s favorite pie--”

“You’ll have people flooding in from across the country.”

“It’s settled,” you giggle. “I’m using you in my business model.”

“Hey,” Sam chuckles. “As long as I get a cut, I’m not complaining.”

A silence falls over the tiny kitchen as your gaze drops from his.

Sam lightly raps his knuckles against the table before pushing his chair back.

“Uh—I should probably head out. You’re probably tired. I just wanted to come by and apologize...again.”

“Wow,” the light laugh you release halts Sam’s act of standing up. “The second you get what you came for you hit the ground running?”

The response is automatic. The chance to tease him is one you never pass up.

Sam’s brow raises as he takes in your smile.

“That’s not what I came for,” he admits.

“What did you come for then?”

“To ask you over to my place for breakfast tomorrow.”

The proposition hangs in the air, Sam nearly squirming in his seat as you take your time studying his gaze. You let out a sigh, your shoulders shrugging lightly, once you finally speak.

“I don’t know, Sam” You shake your head. Picking up the plate, you stand and cross the kitchen to the sink. “You just have so many responsibilities, nowadays, running around trying to save the world--”

“I’m not going anywhere tonight,” he’s quick with the reassurance. “Or any day, until we get through that date you promised me.”

You turn to face him, arms crossing over your chest as he comes to a stop before you.

“Say I show up. You have to promise me something.”

“Whatever you want.”

He knows that promise can end up being a slippery slope, depending on how hard you’re willing to make him work for it.

“If something comes up, in the future, you call me. And you tell me exactly why you can’t be here. Nobody gets to stand me up. Not the Falcon. And sure as hell, not Sam Wilson. Understood?”

Sam’s eyes drop to your interlaced fingers, a soft chuckle escaping his lips as he gives your hand a gentle squeeze.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good.” Standing on your toes, you place a kiss against his cheek. “Now, go get some sleep. You’re making me breakfast in the morning. I’m expecting waffles, bacon, freshly squeezed O.J.--the works.”

if at any point you would like to be removed from the taglist, just message me

sam wilson tags: @missroro @fangirl-swagg

main tags: @crowngold @cant-decide-at-this-moment @wiccanmetallicrose @themarkblues @gemini0410 @binooo98 @the-jer-bear @abbiesthings @trhett21 @trulysuccubus @leahnicole1219 @starrynite7114 @awkwardtayler @toni9 @queenbeered @kaystacks17 @thesandbeneathmytoes @richonne4life @cocotheclown @oscars-wifeyyy @jennisdirtyimagines @ughdontbeboring @myakai13 @linziland13 @sadeyesgf @brattyfics @sincerelykas @ladyofsoa @pearlkitten33 @tian-monique @megapeacelovemusic-blog @rosieposie0624 @appropriate-writers-name @demonquartz @ourlittlesecretsoveragain @beiroviski @chaneajoyyy @frostingguru @seize-the-droid @cutiebubbleboo @siempremamita @awkwardtayler @relaxing-najee @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @inyourbackpocketisbutterflies

#sorry its up late ya'll already know i had to watch the new episode of All American #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson x black!reader #sam wilson imagine #the falcon x you #tfatws imagine #anthony mackie imagine

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superaznchick · 2 years ago

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life update #12

hi void i am back for another free therapy session

today i wanted to talk about some things i've spent a lot of time reflecting about over the last two-ish weeks so today's content is gonna be a mish mash of different things

a deep, swelling void inside of me that's been there for as long as i remember - i think i just hate people. but i love them at the same time. let me explain.

growing up i was actually very much extraverted. i was so chatty, i loved talking to people, i loved making jokes and making other people laugh. i used to yell and scream and be loud. and then, i moved to america. i was around 5-6 around the time. i didnt know the language, but i could read expressions and hear the tones - people didn't like me. i was odd, and i looked different. suddenly, i felt as if my mouth had been sewn shut. i couldn't open my mouth and make any noise without feeling like a fool. i couldn't finish assignments because i didn't know, i didn't understand anything. and this, this was the first time that i developed such an affliction for other human beings.

because do you know what kids do to people that are different and odd? kids don't have empathy. there was a wall there where true connections should have been formed. but what about the adults? who, my immigrant mom and her parents that she felt was a good idea to bring along with her? the ones that also didn't speak the language and were emotionally constipated, abusive, and trapped in their own world? another wall. my immigrant dad that couldn't get a job, couldn't secure an america visa, tried again in canada and started an affair even when he had a wife and child waiting for him? another wall.

everywhere i looked: wall. wall, wall, wall wall wall. and me - listen, to be honest at this point i don't actually truly believe anything was ever wrong with me. i mean look at me - i busted out here with 10 fingers and 10 toes, tall and sturdy. i even have some nice traits, like nice boobs! and a tenacity for life, an absolute rejection of failure kicking and screaming. i fought for my life back then. i really did.

so what happened? everywhere i looked i was rejected, shot down. i felt like a little god sometimes, looking around my house. i thought: "did anyone SEE that? look! it happened again! why is no one else seeing what i'm seeing?" i saw everything and understood everything, but it seemed like the adults couldn't see anything. i saw myself crying so hard that i would sleep and wake up with my eyes swollen. i saw myself shutting the fuck up in a room full of kids. i saw my parents screaming at each other. it seemed like no one else could see what i saw back then.

so why do i hate people now? i hate them because they cause me pain. every glance, touch, exchange of words is no longer a shower of candy on christmas morning. people are a void. would you toss your car keys into a void? how about all the money in your pocket? would you throw your jacket, your shoes, your jewelry, your hand into the void? would you throw your time and love and patience and empathy and kindness into a void? a void is a void, like a tree is a tree and a rock is a rock. and people are all, all voids.

so why do i love people? i don't know, why do you love air? like i said - i don't believe anything was ever wrong with me to begin with. i think i believed something was wrong because there was something wrong, but just not with me. i still want to be your neighbor. i still want to bake you banana bread and share it with you on your porch. i want to go to target with you and hold you when you need to be held. i was born like this, and this has never changed.

but the thing that is so hard to get other people to understand is that they are all hurting me - to an unimaginable degree. it feels like i'm losing air every minute i spend with anyone, friend coworker acquaintence whatever. i suffer so much, but i fight tooth and nail for you because i love you. i can't get to everyone. sometimes you'll leave thinking that i'm standoffish and can't hold a conversation. but for one or two of you, i can be a little more than that. i wish it could be fair, but i have to pick the ones that are more kind, empathetic, and understanding to min/max my efforts. i wish i had more room for all of you, i really do, but i don't have the capacity.

does anyone understand? i just don't want to keep living with all this guilt and shame. i'm out here begging to hang out but i'm completely shut down after like two hours. and yeah i can go to your meeting and i can do this task and i can look into this problem for you, but like ... you're on thin fucking ice buddy. no you didn't do anything wrong but i hate working with you because you clearly don't know what i'm going through right now but i still have to put on this face like everything is good and right. no hate -- but hate. you know what i mean?

i can't fight that i'm growing up anymore. every time i'm confronted with my growth i cry inside because it feels like a death. it's like the child inside me is dying but i never even got a chance to be a child. it feels unfair, like why do i have to grow up now? are you telling me that that's IT? like, finally i have some money and mobility and autonomy and now you're telling me "time to hand in your keys the lease is up" like?? come ON dude.

i think that's what i've been feeling lately - a mourning. i'm mourning the death of the me that once was. and i'm genuinely really sad that she didn't live a good life. i've carried her for so long that she felt like a friend, chiming in and commenting on every major life milestone. but she doesn't belong here anymore. she's dying. and i have to let her go.

before she goes i feel like she deserves one more little celebration. i feel like i've been pretty down and negative lately, thinking about all the bad things that happened to me. maybe i would feel better if i took the time to celebrate all the brilliant things about me that survived instead of resenting the parts that were burned away. she was incredible, to be quite honest. no one knows about what she's done, the times she picked herself up and moved forward into darkness and voids. she threw everything into the void, even herself. that is a kind of courage that i don't think i could even muster up today. she did well. really well. and she deserves to rest in peace.

i feel like i was born into this world thinking that true empathy grew on trees, and everyone was getting it except for me. i don't believe this is true anymore. i think some people are just less sensitive than others, and for them their cup already runneth over. but other people like me are just bottomless pits.

doing things - this, living, breathing, working, hoping, wondering, wishing - makes me feel like a baby crying into the void, hoping, wishing someone would come pick me up. sometimes, no one comes. so i continue crying and hoping and wishing.

#personal #life update

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expectingtofly · 4 years ago

Text

Sign Here

AU-Modern Setting, Meet-Cute, Dean is a UPS Driver, Cas and Dean are idiots, Gabe is trying to help

4k (oops this fic got long)

also posted on ao3

written for Day 2 of @starrynightdeancas 2k Followers Celebration <3 <3

Castiel knelt on the grass to pull up some stubborn weeds in the garden lining the front of his newly-bought house. The previous inhabitants had left behind a tangled mess of rose bushes and weeds, and after a week of unpacking boxes, he was happy to finally have time to spend outside. One of the perks of moving from an apartment to a small bungalow—finally space for a garden. Although, he was sure the inside of his house would soon become just as packed with plants as his apartment had been.

Engrossed as he was in weeding and planning what flowers he would plant to expand the garden, he didn’t hear someone approach until a shadow fell over the dirt.

Startling, he looked up to see a man standing on the walkway next to him. “What—oh.” By the man’s clothes—brown collared shirt and shorts—and the package he was holding, Castiel realized he was a UPS delivery driver. “Hello.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” the driver said, fighting back a smile.

Castiel stood, brushing dirt off his hands. “It’s alright.”

The man held out a package. “I was gonna deliver this to your front door, unless you want to take it now.”

“Yes, thank you.” Taking it, Castiel looked down at the label, trying to remember what he had ordered. Something for his kitchen, probably.

“Did you just move in?” the UPS driver asked. His eyes were very green, a spattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks. Freckles everywhere, Castiel realized, seeing the way they lightly spotted his bare arms. “I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.”

Realizing he was staring, Castiel reddened, glanced down at the package in his hands. “Uh, yes, I did. Last week.”

“Welcome to Bloomfield, then.” He nodded at the rose bushes. “Nice garden you got here.”

“You don’t have to lie, it’s a mess.” The driver laughed and Castiel smiled a little. “It’s not much now. Hopefully I’ll be able to fix it up soon.”

“I’ll keep an eye out, see how things develop.” The man took a step back and gestured to the UPS truck on the street. “I’ve got other packages to deliver. Nice meeting you.”

“You too,” Castiel said, watching him leave. Kneeling down to continue yanking out the prickly weeds, he smiled. It was nice to meet someone friendly; he hadn’t gotten to meet many people yet with the chaos of moving in. Of course, he thought, glancing back at the UPS truck as it rumbled down the street, it didn’t hurt that the driver was extremely attractive as well.

***

The next week, Castiel was hanging up art prints in his living room when he heard the doorbell ring. Assuming it was for a package he’d ordered, he took his time getting to the door, straightening the print on the wall before weaving through the cardboard boxes he still hadn’t unpacked.

When he opened the front door, however, he was surprised to see the green-eyed UPS driver standing on his porch holding the package.

The man’s face brightened. “Hi. Got a delivery for you.”

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said, opening the door wider. “I didn’t realize you were waiting. I thought you delivery drivers just dropped off the package and disappeared.”

The UPS driver laughed. Such a nice laugh, Castiel thought. “Right, yeah, that’s what we normally do. But, uh, we have a new policy. Have to get a signature for packages.” He handed over a clipboard and pen, pointing to the line at the bottom of the page. "Just sign here."

“Oh. Alright.” Castiel took the clipboard and signed his name. When he handed it back, he saw the man glance at the signature. “Castiel,” he supplied.

“Cool name. I’m Dean.”

“Nice to meet you, Dean.” Having been occupied all week with moving in and subsequently starved for conversation, he added, “You’re one of the first people I’ve met so far. The other being a cashier at that grocery store down the street.”

“Still getting settled in?”

“Yes. It’s taking much longer than I anticipated. I hate unpacking. It never seems to end.”

“Yeah, moving’s a bitch. You liking the place so far, though?”

Castiel nodded. “I do. Much improved from the apartment where I was living before.”

“God, I bet. I share an apartment with my brother—don’t get me wrong, I like living with him, but our landlord’s an asshole.” He gestured to the right. “Garden’s looking great.”

“Thank you. I just bought petunias, but I haven’t had a chance to plant them.” He pointed at the small brown box Dean was still holding. “That should be new gardening gloves in there.”

“Oh, right, your package.” Dean’s face looked a little red as he handed the box over. “Um, well, I should be on my way. See ya.” He stepped off the porch with a wave and Castiel waved back before going inside.

As he unpacked his belongings, he realized filling a house was harder than he’d thought. There were so many household items he was missing. Perhaps a trip to the store would be faster, but ordering online was easier—or so he told himself as he opened his laptop.

I’m only trying to save myself time, he reasoned, though inwardly he might have been hoping Dean would deliver the package.

Though he wouldn’t admit it to himself, he found himself growing more impatient over the next few days. Then, one afternoon as he organized his silverware drawer, he heard the doorbell ring. He practically ran to the front door, then paused and steadied himself before opening it, waiting a few seconds so it wouldn’t seem like he’d rushed over.

It might not even be Dean, he chastised himself as he unlocked the door.

Dean smiled at him when he swung the door wide.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said, trying to sound casual and hide his smile.

“Hi.” He looked to be about Castiel’s age. What were the chances that someone this attractive was single? “Got another package. A heavy one this time.”

Pushing away those thoughts, Castiel took it from him and placed it inside on the floor. “Thank you. Don’t I have to sign something?”

“Uh, shit, yeah.” Dean handed over the clipboard and pen, and as Castiel signed, he nodded at the package. “Something else for the garden?”

Castiel shook his head, handing back the clipboard. “A mixer. I thought maybe I could try my hand at baking. My mom sent me a few of her recipes.”

Dean’s eyes brightened. “You ever want inspiration, there’s a diner, other side of town, a few blocks from where I live, that makes the best pie. Makes them fresh every morning.”

“I’ll have to go sometime.” He stopped short of saying that maybe he’d see Dean there, not wanting to sound too excited at the prospect.

Maybe I should order more things for the kitchen, he thought, shutting the door after saying goodbye to Dean. Or a new bath mat, and curtains, maybe. The boxes he had yet to unpack scolded him by their presence, but he ignored them. If receiving new items meant talking to a friendly face, who could blame him?

***

“You sure get a lot of packages,” Dean remarked the next week when Castiel opened the door.

Castiel reddened. “Turns out it’s hard to fill a whole house.”

“I’m not complaining, you’re the one giving me a job to do.” Dean handed over the package. “What’s it this week?”

“A watering can.”

“You really like to garden, don’t you?” Dean gestured to the flowers and plants lining the front of the house. “I mean, you’ve added a lot since moving in.”

“Yes, well, I find it’s a wonderful way to wind down after work.”

Dean nodded. “I get that. Any spare time I have, I work on my car.”

Castiel glanced at the UPS truck, because he hadn’t really considered Dean driving anything else. His heart beat a little faster at the thought of running into Dean somewhere else, at the diner, at the grocery store. He wondered how Dean dressed when he wasn’t in his uniform, what else he did in his free time.

Dean followed his gaze to the street and gestured to the UPS truck. “This thing, it’s crap. No AC, no radio. What do you drive?” He glanced at Castiel’s driveway. “That a Lincoln Continental? 78? 77?”

Castiel caught the derisive tone in his voice. “78. And I like it,” he added defensively.

Dean smiled, raising his hands. “Eye of the beholder, I guess. You ever need work done on it, let me know, I can help.” His eyes widened a little at his own words. “I mean, you don’t need to, I just meant, if you want. I’m good at that stuff.”

“Thank you, Dean. I appreciate the offer.” Inwardly, he cursed his car for being so reliable. Maybe the engine light would turn on and he could take him up on his offer. Or maybe Dean was only being friendly and didn’t really mean it.

When Dean headed back to his truck and Castiel shut the door, he realized Dean hadn’t asked him to sign anything. Maybe he’d only forgotten.

***

“Gotten acquainted with the locals?” Gabriel asked a few nights later when he called to see how Castiel was settling in.

“I talked with one of my neighbors yesterday. Arla. She’s eighty-two and owns three cats.” Leaning against the kitchen counter, Castiel glanced at the mixer. “And, uh, I did meet someone else. Someone my age, not a neighbor. Dean.”

“Met someone? Like went on a date with—”

“No, he works for the UPS, he’s been delivering my packages.” He was interrupted by Gabriel laughing. “What’s so funny?”

“So instead of going out and meeting real people, you’re making friends with the delivery guy.”

“Dean is real,” Castiel protested. “He’s very kind and friendly. And helpful. He’s told me about places to check out in town and complimented my garden—”

“Damn, Cas, sounds like you really like this guy.”

“No, he’s just a nice person,” Castiel insisted. By Gabriel’s laughter, he knew he wasn’t being believable. “Alright, fine. I enjoy talking to him.” He wasn’t going to tell Gabriel that seeing Dean was becoming his favorite part of the week.

“He single?”

“Um. Yes.” He may or may not have asked Arla if she knew Dean, and may or may not have learned that she couldn’t believe “a charming young man like him is still single.” Oh, and that if she were a younger woman, she would be ordering packages left and right to flirt with him when he delivered. Castiel did not appreciate that last part, even if Arla had no idea how close to the truth she’d struck. I’m not flirting, he argued inwardly.

“Well, are you going to make a move or not?” When Castiel didn’t respond right away, Gabriel added, “Right, I forgot who I’m talking to.”

“I might,” Castiel protested. “But we only just met. And I don’t even know if he likes me. He’s only doing his job.”

“May as well ask him out, see what he says.”

Castiel sighed. “I don’t want to rush into anything. I only just moved here.”

“Well, you snooze, you lose, Cas. Don’t miss out on something just because you’re scared.”

“I’m not scared!”

I’m not scared, he repeated to himself when he said goodbye and hung up the phone. He was being reasonable. But maybe Gabriel was right. Dean had to be somewhat interested—delivery guys didn’t just stick around to talk after delivering a package. Maybe he’d test the waters, try to see if Dean was truly interested or just being friendly.

***

A few days later, he was watering his petunias when Dean got out of his truck with another package.

“Hey, Cas!” he called.

“Hello, Dean.” Setting down his water can, he wiped his hands on his jeans. “Thank you,” he said, taking the narrow box from Dean. Before he lost his courage, he spoke up, “I, um, made a pie this morning.” Whether he’d made it specifically to offer to Dean was something he’d never admit to anyone, much less himself. “I was wondering if you wanted a slice? You can tell me if it’s good or not.”

Dean broke into a grin. “Shit, Cas, really? Yeah, thanks.”

“Wait here, I’ll grab it.”

When he returned to the doorway with a paper plate covered in foil, he caught Dean looking inside his house.

“It’s still a mess in here,” Castiel said, handing the plate over. “I’ve been kinda busy with work.”

“No, yeah, totally, no judgement.” He peeled back the foil and inhaled. “Fuck, I’m starving. This looks amazing.” Picking up the slice, he took a bite. “Mmm,” he said, rolling his eyes back.

“Good?” Castiel asked, amused.

“So good,” Dean said, his voice muffled. He swallowed. “You’re a natural.”

“Thank you. I have more, if you’d like it.”

“Don’t tempt me. Yes.”

Grinning, Castiel went back inside and packaged up two more slices, brought them to Dean.

“You’re an angel,” Dean said. “Seriously.” He juggled the plates in his hands. “So, where do you work?”

Castiel leaned on the doorway. “I work here. I’m an editor. I do freelance work.”

“Dude, that’s cool. Nice that you get to work from home.” Looking down at his watch, he swore quietly. “Sorry, I need to keep moving. I’ve got a lot of deliveries today.”

“Oh,” Castiel said, disappointed, straightening. “Alright. Sorry for keeping you so long.”

“No problem, this was a nice break.” He stepped off the walkway. “Thanks for the pie.”

“You’re welcome.” Ask him for his number. Ask him if he would like to go out. But he kept quiet and watched Dean cross the yard back to his truck.

***

That night, Castiel ordered a set of bookends shaped like trees. He checked his email the next few days, tracking the package. On the day it was to be delivered, he had to run errands and got stuck in traffic. When he pulled into his driveway, he saw a package sitting on the front porch. Shit. He’d missed Dean.

Grabbing his bag of groceries, he walked over and picked up the package with his free hand. Then he noticed a note taped to the top.

Sorry I missed you, it read. The pie was incredible.

Castiel smiled.

***

Sunlight streamed through his living room windows as Castiel organized his books on his bookshelves. He was just pushing his new bookends into place when the doorbell rang. Frowning, he went to the front door and looked out through the window. Dean?

“Hello, Dean,” he said, opening the door. “I wasn’t expecting a package today.”

“Oh, really?” Dean looked like he was fighting back a smile as he turned around the cardboard box in his hands. Bold black letters were written across the front: SAY HI TO DEAN FOR ME.

Castiel’s eyes widened and he snatched the box out of Dean’s hands. “What? I don’t know how—” He scanned the box for the label. Gabriel, he realized. “It’s my brother,” he explained. “I was telling him about you, he must’ve sent me this to embarrass me, I’m so sorry.”

Dean’s smile won out. “No, it’s fine, that’s kinda hilarious.” He shifted his stance, the wooden porch boards creaking. “You, uh, you told him about me?”

Castiel’s head snapped up from glaring at Gabe’s name on the return label. “Um, yes,” he faltered. “Well, I was just telling him that I met someone, and it’s been nice to, uh, uh, have a friend.”

Friend? He hardly knew Dean, for fuck’s sake. For all he knew, he was just a random person Dean spoke to occasionally on his route, no more important than Arla or any of the other people he delivered to.

But Dean smiled. “Yeah, uh, me too. I mean, I like meeting people on my route, just makes the day a lot better when I get to stop and talk.” He reddened a little and rubbed the back of his neck, glancing down at his boots.

“I hope I don’t keep you from your other deliveries,” Castiel said.

Dean waved his hand. “Nah, it’s fine. I get the other ones done fast so I can spend more time here.” He cut himself off and reddened even further, as if realizing what he was admitting.

So, Dean was deliberately trying to see him, talk to him. Castiel felt his face heat up as well. “I’m sure delivering packages all day can be very boring,” he offered.

Dean nodded quickly. “Yeah, ya know, it’s nice to have someone to talk to. Besides, I’m just trying to make sure this neighborhood’s newest resident is doing okay.” He grinned. “Think of me as the welcome committee.”

“Well, I appreciate it. Really.”

Dean nodded again, and they stood there awkwardly for a few long moments. Castiel glanced back down at the box, Gabe’s words ringing in his head. Ask him out, see what he says.

“I’ll get on my way,” Dean said, stepping back. He smiled a little. “Tell your brother I said hi.”

“I will.” Maybe he should just blurt it out. Dean had said he enjoyed stopping by here. But maybe he only meant that in a friendly way. Castiel had called him a friend, after all. He chickened out. “Have a good rest of your day.”

“You too.” Dean walked away and Castiel glared down at the box.

“Not helpful,” he told it.

***

“Gabe, I hate you.”

“What? I was just trying to spark conversation between you two—”

“I hate you. I can hold a conversation well enough myself, thank you very much. You only made things awkward.” He paused before adding, “Dean says hi, by the way.”

Gabriel cheered and Castiel pulled his phone away from his ear. “So it worked? You asked him out?”

“Um...” Castiel pulled at a rip on his gardening jeans. “No.”

“Cassie!” Gabriel whined. “I did all that work for nothing? What’s the holdup? Ask him out.”

Castiel groaned. “I will. Eventually. But, I mean, can he even say yes? He’s on the job—”

“Cas, he’s already taking time out of his workday to talk to you. Pretty sure he’ll say yes, even if he’s working. Stop making excuses.”

“Fine. I’ll ask him.” He only said it to get Gabriel off his back, but his palms grew sweaty even thinking about it.

“You better. Keep me updated.”

“Only if you never pull a prank like that again.”

“I can’t promise anything.”

***

Seated at his desk, Castiel frowned at an awkwardly worded sentence that refused to form itself into any coherency. Was the past tense of lie lay or laid? Why couldn’t he ever remember?

The doorbell ringing drew his attention and, grateful for the break, he saved the document he was editing and got up. Going to the front door, he wondered if he had any left-over pie to give Dean and drag out their time together in the doorway.

Opening the door, he began to say hello, then paused. A UPS delivery man was walking away to his truck, a package at Castiel’s feet on his front porch.

“Wait!” Castiel called, stepping outside. The man turned—not Dean. Someone he’d never seen before. “Who the hell are you?”

The man looked startled. “I, uh, I’m a delivery—”

“No, sorry.” Castiel flushed. “Where’s Dean?”

“Dean?” The man frowned. “I don’t know who that is. We all got new routes a few days ago. He must be on another route now.”

Castiel’s heart sank. “Oh.” Another route? He looked down at the package. “Don’t I have to sign something?”

“No, you’re all good. We don’t require signatures.” The man continued to his truck and Castiel picked up the package. A lattice pastry roller to make more intricate pie crusts. He’d thought Dean might appreciate the effort.

Shutting the door, he stood in the foyer for a moment. So, Dean was gone. Why hadn’t he ever asked for Dean’s number? He’d had plenty of opportunities.

It’s a small town, he reasoned. I’ll see him again, I have to. He knew Dean lived on the other side of town, maybe if he drove around there, kept an eye out—

Alright, stop, he told himself. He was starting to sound crazy. He dropped the package off on the kitchen table. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

***

The next day, Castiel was seated at his desk, sending an email to a client, when the doorbell rang.

His pulse sped up, and instinctively he rose from his chair. Then he remembered that Dean didn’t deliver to his house anymore. Sighing, he sat back down.

He’d been trying not to think of it, but every other item in his house—the mixer, the bookends, the pastry roller—only reminded him of Dean and brought down his mood.

Why didn’t I take Gabe’s advice? he bemoaned inwardly. That was a thought he never thought he’d have, but it looked like Gabe had been right. He’d lost his chance.

Staring at his computer screen, he tried to focus on his work, but the distraction had ruined his focus. At least I’ll save money, he reasoned ruefully, now that he had no excuse for making random purchases.

The doorbell rang again and he lifted his head, frowning. Come to think of it, he couldn’t remember ordering anything. Maybe it was Arla, coming over to say hello.

Rising, he went to the front door and tried to remember the name of that diner Dean had told him about. Maybe he’d stake out there on a weekend, see if Dean showed up. Or was that creepy?

Definitely creepy, he decided with a sigh, opening the door. Then he froze.

“Dean?”

Standing on his front porch—this time in jeans and a black t-shirt, holding a potted fern—was Dean. He smiled hesitantly, almost nervously. “Hi, Cas.”

“What are you doing here?” Castiel looked at the street, but of course the familiar UPS truck wasn’t there. In its place was a sleek, black car.

“My route changed and I, uh, never got to say bye. So I thought I’d just come over. Sorry if that’s weird—”

“No, I’m happy to see you. Just surprised. I thought I’d never…”

Dean grinned. “Scared you’d lost me forever?”

Castiel smiled. “Yeah, a bit,” he admitted.

“I, um, I brought you this.” He held out the plant, laughed nervously. “I felt weird coming over without anything to deliver.”

“Thank you. It’s lovely.” Taking the plant, he stroked the leaves. “I know exactly where to put it.” His heart pounded as he realized now was his chance. He had to take it.

He started to ask for Dean’s number, but Dean started talking too, and they both stopped, laughing. “You first,” Castiel said.

“Um, well.” Dean shoved his hands into his pockets. “I was thinking, would you maybe want to hang out somewhere other than your doorway? I can show you around town.” He gestured to his car. “Take you for a spin in Baby.”

Castiel couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. “I would love that.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I’ve been… I’ve been meaning to ask you out, or ask for your number. I just never worked up the courage.”

Dean grinned. “Am I really that intimidating?”

Castiel laughed. “No. Not at all. You’re quite the opposite.” He gestured inside. “Would you, uh, would you like to come inside?”

“Yeah, totally.”

Castiel started to open the door wider, then paused. “I have a question. You never did need my signature, did you? For the packages?”

Dean frowned, then realization seemed to hit him and his face reddened. “Yeah, uh. No. But I figured it was a surefire way to get your name and talk to you.”

“Is that a trick you use often?”

“Nope, you were the first.” He grinned, eyes suddenly teasing. "Did you really need everything you were ordering, or were all the packages just an excuse to see me?"

Now was Castiel's time to blush. "I did need what I ordered!" he protested. "Well, some things. But mainly... I just wanted to talk to you."

“Well, it worked.”

“Yes.” He stepped back for Dean to come inside his home and smiled at him. “And I’m very glad it did."

Tag List:

@becky-srs @xojo @marvelnaturalock @aelysianmuse @prayedtoyou @letsjustdieeveryone @good-things-do-happen-dean @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @theninthdutchessofhell @madronasky @famouspsychicpizzabandit @multifandomdisorder @arcticfox007 @celestialcastiel @improvedpeanut @castiel-is-a-cat @harmonyhelms @thetrueliesofafangirl @dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you @theangelwiththewormstache @confusedisaster @welcome-to-crowleys-hellhole @darksongfire @lykanyouko

Let me know (message, ask, comment) if you’d like to be tagged in my destiel fics or removed from the list :)

#dailydestieldelights #congrats sophie on 2k!#thanks for organizing this lil challenge #ive had this wip for ages now #and im happy i finally got the push to finish it #AU #cas and dean need to use their words #meet cute #fluff #cas likes to garden #gabe is an annoying brother #expectingtofly writes

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pastelsandpining · 3 years ago

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Whumptober Day 16

on a need to know basis

recovery | scars | aftermath

forget me not - part 2

part 1

warnings: survivor’s guilt, it’s just a lot of hurt and comfort, really

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Link did not know how much time had passed since he stormed Hyrule Castle in a fit of blind courage and vanquished the scourge, the plague that’d haunted the kingdom for longer than anyone could even remember. It was easy to keep track of time before, when the moon would turn red and drench the sky with blood, raising monsters once defeated from their graves, starting the cycle over and over again. He hadn’t seen the blood moon since, though he supposed that’s not something that would really stick around when the influence driving it was gone.

He did not know how long Princess Zelda had been living with him in his little house beyond the bridge. He offered her residence because she had nowhere to go, but the explanation would never be just as simple as that. People hailed him as a hero, or at least, the descendant of one. They turned to him and asked that he help them, that he take care of whatever problem was causing them too much strife, and he was more than happy to do it. Aiding people so that they might move forwards in their life was one of his favorite things to do. Maybe that was why he’d taken the princess into his home so openly. She felt vaguely familiar to him in the same way that certain places in Hyrule did, though he used to chalk it up to the way her voice, her presence, helped him through his quest. Or was it more appropriate to refer to it as his destiny? He knew they’d worked together once, that they were maybe even friends, but it was hard to discern stories from the truth when he could remember so little.

It was the guilt that made him offer so much to her, because he didn’t know how else he could make it up to her. Zelda always looked so distant, so sad, as if there was something following her that she couldn’t get away from. Link did not need a full ensemble of his memories to know that she was thinking about them and the Hyrule they’d shared over a century ago. Sometimes, he felt like he was walking on eggshells. Things would seem smooth, and then he would say or do something that would disrupt their natural flow, throw Zelda back into whatever dark thoughts kept her awake at night. He could hear her sometimes, whether it be her pen scratching quietly into her journal or her sniffles that told him she wasn’t sleeping well, though things were no easier for him that he was awake to notice it.

Link did not know how he was supposed to act around the princess. Many people over the years had referred to him as stoic, stone-faced, steady and sure, but as comfortable as he wanted her to be, as familiar to her as he wanted to make himself, he could not put himself back in the shoes of the silent knight. It was hard, trying to keep a straight face when the village children called out to him, or when a neighbor offered them a roll of bread, or when one of the many friends he’d made along the way came to visit. It was hard to put himself back into that box. He’d done and seen so much, and he felt… guilty for having done so without her.

Even now, when the sun was shining and the breeze fluttered by to ruffle their hair, Zelda looked sad. Link set the bucket of water he’d brought to the horses in their small stable down with a frown. She was sitting at the top of the little ramp, her legs pulled to her chest, watching the clouds pass by. She just looked so...alone.

“Hey,” he said as he walked her way, slipping his hands into his pockets. She looked at him, tilting her head. That was as good of a response as any. “I was– Um, do you want to bake something with me..? It’s getting a little late and, well, if we want dessert, we should start now. That way it’s done in time for us to have after dinner.”

It wasn’t the entire truth, but it was an excuse to talk to her and spend time with her that didn’t rely solely on existing in the same house. They would be doing something together, something that could hopefully raise her spirits.

“What do you have in mind?” she asked, but there was no hint of excitement to her voice that he would’ve wanted. He was approaching thin ice again, so he treaded carefully.

“Do you have a favorite?” He knew she did. Someone said it once, though he couldn’t remember who or where. It stuck in his brain like glue ever since, maybe because he wanted to hold on to something he knew was important to her. The way her face seemed to fall a little at the question was enough to make him stumble over his words when he replied, “I mean– I heard it was fruitcake, but I don’t know how true that is and I didn’t want to be wrong.”

Zelda eyed him. It was hard to read her expression, tell what she was thinking, but he’d never been good at that. At least, not this version of him, the version he knew was not the one she was used to.

“It is,” she told him, straightening up and stretching her legs out. “I haven’t had it in a while. Have you made it before?”

“No,” he told her. “The man who told me it was your favorite sort of requested that if I ever went into the castle, I would bring him a recipe from a cookbook or at least make it for him and I sort of…never did…?”

But it wouldn’t feel right to make it for someone random anyway when the very princess who once enjoyed it was sitting right here in front of him.

“You should really keep your word,” she replied in a playful chide, something that was a rare bit of happiness from her, and Link shrugged with a bashful grin.

“I didn’t want to try making it alone. It sounds pretty hard,” he said.

“I’ve never made it either,” she informed him, tapping her fingers against the blades of grass running under her hands.

“There’s always a first time for everything,” he told her and held a hand out to her to help her down. She took it–something she didn’t always do–and slid off of the edge of the ramp, landing quietly on the ground. She didn’t stumble anymore. He hoped that meant she was finally regaining strength.

Link didn’t drop her hand. He was never the first to let go, partially because he’d grown fond of physical contact. It grounded him, reminded him that he was human when the glory and the legends became too much. It was almost a quiet, subtle way for the world to tell him that he wasn’t alone. He wanted to offer that same feeling to Zelda, the feeling of comfort and belonging. She dropped his hand though, just as she always did, and sometimes he wondered if it was something he did or didn’t do that made her so adverse to touching him.

The natural flow of things returned as they went about gathering the necessary supplies for the fruitcake. He quite liked these sorts of moments, when Zelda would nudge him to hand him a utensil or read out a measurement from the cookbook. The flour was probably the messiest part, but if the little smear across her cheek that resulted from a sneeze was what it took to make her smile, then it was all the more worth it to try.

Link licked his thumb, then reached out to cup her cheek so he could wipe away the smudge. There it was again, that sense of deja vu, but he wanted to hold on to the idea that they’d done something like this before, even if it hurt like hell that he couldn’t remember it. Zelda froze, stiff as a board underneath him, her green eyes wide, and he could see the exact moment she began to shut off–the way she moved back, the smile sliding off of her lips. Scared to be shut out again, to fall back into living with a stranger, he tried to speak up.

“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching his hands towards her. “I’m sorry- I didn’t–... Zelda, I want to remember. I just don’t know how…”

It wasn’t the first time those words had left him. It wasn’t even the first time he’d said them to her presence. Still, they seemed to strike her like a hand at the way she flinched, but this time, she didn’t turn away from him. She wouldn’t look at him, but she was speaking,

“I know.”

It was better than nothing. Link was quiet, studying her expression and posture and everything else that suggested she wanted nothing more than to run. To choose blissful ignorance over the heartbreak of reality. He understood that feeling well, because he did not want to stand here with a stranger, grasping at weak wisps of what little he could remember about her. But even if he did not remember her, she wasn’t a stranger. She was an anchor, something that kept him moving forwards. She was a lovely voice that bid him to wake, a devoted friend and princess, a brilliant mind hidden under the chains of duty. When people spoke about her to him, it felt as if he already knew her.

“Is there… any hope that maybe–”

But he didn’t know what he was asking for, so Link fell quiet again and turned away to slip the batter into the cooking pot, setting the lid carefully over it to trap the heat and bid it to bake.

“We should save making the icing until the cake is finished, so it has time to cool down,” he added and wet the towel he’d put over his shoulder so he could wipe down the counter they’d been working on. Zelda was gathering and picking up what was left of the ingredient, save for what would be used for the icing, and things were almost normal again, save for the suffocating air, heavy with how guilty he felt and how sad she was. He frowned to himself, scrubbing hard at a stubborn spot that wouldn’t come out.

It was a few days later when that air resurfaced. Coincidentally, they were finishing up what was left of the fruitcake when Zelda asked, rather out of the blue, “What is it like when you try to remember?”

She sounded hesitant. He wondered how long it’d been bothering her, how crazy it was driving her if she was asking. Link set his fork down in his empty plate and raised his glass of water to his lips as he thought how best to answer her question.

“It’s like… looking into a murky lake, I guess,” he told her, avoiding her eyes. “Sort of like… you know it’s there but there’s nothing for the eye to see, so it’s almost like it’s not there at all. It should be, but it’s not. But it’s not empty? It’s… gods, this is so hard to explain.”

Link raised a hand to rub his eyes and leaned his elbow against the table. Maybe a more accurate description would be rummaging through molasses to grab something that turns into pure liquid as soon as his fingers close around it: searching endlessly, painfully slow, and as soon as he thought he caught something, it was gone, like there was nothing there at all. Before he could think better of it, he was asking,

“Do you think of the… before? When you look at me, I mean. Do you see–... Am I so different that we can’t… I don’t know.”

Zelda was quiet when he looked at her. She swallowed, dropping her eyes to her unfinished piece of fruit cake. It didn’t look like she’d taken more than a bite. She seemed to be debating whether speaking up was worth it. He hoped it was. He wanted nothing more than to sort out this messy aftermath, recover from everything they’d been through.

“I don’t want to,” she said at last, hardly above a whisper. Was she ashamed of herself? “But I look at you and… and I know you’re alive, but all I see is your body– and we walked the Spirit Realm together; I had to watch you slowly forget everything, and now you’re here, and you don’t remember and I don’t know how to help you.”

It was her turn to drop her fork and bury her face in her hands. She was shaking. He wanted to get up, to go to her, but then she looked up, and the agony in her gaze kept him rooted to his spot.

“You were so scared to forget. Link, I’m so sorry.”

“Zelda,” he tried, but she must have been holding onto this for a while because she shook her head at him and kept talking like she needed to say it or she would explode.

“I want so badly to be alright. I want to be able to look at you and see you, Link: alive, as you are, because I like this you. You seem so… free and happy and–... But all I can think about is… is us, and how you don’t remember me.”

“But I still know you,” he argued, wanting nothing more than to reach across the table and grab the hands she was rubbing her face with. “I’ve gotten to know you and… and even if I don’t remember, doesn’t that count for something…?”

“You’ve had so much longer than I’ve had to… to cope and adjust and-”

“I haven’t,” Link admitted, raising a hand to rake through his wild bangs. “I haven’t, at all. I don’t remember it, so I don’t know how to heal from it. And I thought maybe, when we could finally meet and…” He didn’t want to know the answer to the question that pestered at the back of his mind, but he asked anyway, “Why do you stay, Zelda…?”

Zelda frowned, dropping her hands to the table. Her eyes were red and puffy. He could imagine he didn’t look much better.

“I don’t know,” she admitted quietly. “I keep hoping that maybe I can help you. I don’t want to lose you again, but it feels like I already have.”

He stood so abruptly that his chair teetered behind him. In seconds, he’d walked around the table to kneel at her side, reaching out to take her shaking hands. When she didn’t pull them away, when she held his so tight that her knuckles turned white, Link felt the urge to sob.

“Zelda,” he whispered, “I don’t need memories of you to know that I don’t want to leave your side. Not ever again. But I– I would like for you to be honest with me. Is there anything I should know about us that I can’t remember?”

Her eyes darted back and forth. She was thinking about it. Thinking too hard. He gave her hands a gentle squeeze, hoping to bring her back down from whatever dark cloud she’d settled atop.

“I’m afraid,” she replied and chose to look at the floor instead of at him. “I’m so afraid that… that things have changed. I’m scared to hear you tell me that you don’t love me anymore.”

Link did not know how to convey what he was feeling. It wasn’t new knowledge to him that she’d loved him, but it was something he was never really certain about. It was more of a blind, desperate sort of hope for it to be true, because it wasn’t something that was shoved down his throat. It was something mentioned in passing that struck a chord in his chest. Maybe he’d loved her too, though how could he ever forget her if that was the case? How could he forget loving her? She was scared he no longer felt that way.

“I… I don’t know what I feel,” he admitted, ashamed of the way he couldn’t look at her anymore. He didn’t have to in order to know her heart had shattered. The way her hands twitched with the urge to pull away was telling enough. He held them a little tighter despite the bomb he’d dropped on her, probably dragging her back into the pits of dark thoughts. He didn’t know what was going on in her mind, but his own was whirling, trying desperately to grasp a thought he could turn into words to make it all better. Zelda beat him to it.

“I don’t want to force you.” There was a crack in her voice that made him want to curl up and cry. “If… if you want—“

But she cut herself off and didn’t finish. He glanced up at her to see her lip quivering again.

“I want to figure it out,” he told her at last and hesitantly brushed his thumbs over her knuckles. “I… if you could just give me a little time to figure it out— but I’m… I’m going to need your help.”

“Link…”

“Please.”

Her eyes flickered from his face to his hands. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. Whatever answer she gave, he would accept, so why was he dreading the idea of rejection? All he wanted was to give her the healing and happiness she deserved. This… could not be the only way to do that. Maybe he could meet with Impa or Purah and brainstorm or… or let her go with them?

But he didn’t need to contemplate his next move any further, because Zelda gave his hands a small squeeze and said,

“Okay.”

Link pulled on her hands and, this time, she let him. She let herself be pulled into his lap, where he wrapped his arms around her and held her close—held her properly—for the first time since he’d rescued her. Her face buried into his shoulder, so he gingerly tangled his fingers into her hair. His other arm wrapped all the way around her back, putting her flush against him, and he cradled her so tenderly that even he was melting. No memories could ever equal how lovely this felt. How right.

“Thank you,” he whispered into her hair. And even if, in time, he figured out that his feelings changed, nothing could ever convince him that she wasn’t special to him.

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masterlist | whumptober by day | whumptober by collection | original post

#whumptober2021 #no.16 #recovery #aftermath #legend of zelda #fic #survivor's guilt #hurt/comfort #zelink #botw zelink #post calamity #post calamity zelink

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pastorsperspective · 2 years ago

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That's What This World Needs

This week’s sermon was titled: Roots: Social Holiness and the text was from Matthew 26:31-46. If you missed it, you are in good company! We had a live stream issue that prevented our online congregation from joining in the worship. As such, I will admit that I didn’t get to hear the sermon myself; but I did get to read the original written copy. I hope I didn’t miss any truly interesting or embarrassing anecdotes!

My first reaction as I began to read the sermon was about the phrase, ‘Social Holiness’. I’ve never heard of this, what does it mean? To be holy in social situations, to always appear holy to others? I’m confused. How do you define social holiness?

Social holiness is our ability to understand God more and grow in grace through social interactions and involvement.

I have to admit that I have a very introverted nature and social interactions are extremely hard for me sometimes. I’m not uncomfortable because people are different from me or hold different views; I’m uncomfortable because there are people. In your example of sleeping disciples, you mentioned that you would get fed up and probably just want to tell them to go to bed. I struggle with this as well. How do we keep from dismissing people who seem to continually ‘get in the way’ and leave us feeling like we should just do everything ourselves?

This is the challenge of life, isn’t it? To constantly be offering new chances and new opportunities, even in the midst of disappointment. I find Jesus reminding and cautioning us in this text to remember first our own humanity and limitations before we go simply writing off or dismissing others for theirs. When left to ourselves we get a very closed view of things, but when we allow others into our lives God moves in a myriad of more ways.

You mentioned that Wesley feared we would become a country club, only inviting in OUR members and never welcoming in others. I know I have experienced this on multiple occasions. Have you ever experienced this?

Sure! In some ways the church is guilty of this, but at the same time there are so many people who give me such great hope as they push against this. When I think about John Wesley, and above all, Jesus Christ; I see one very clear consistency and that is radical inclusivity. Jesus was radically inclusive. John Wesley was radically inclusive. I believe we are called to be radically inclusive. The day we get so lost in being radically inclusive that we look up and go, “where in the world did all of these different people come from? Look at how diverse we all are!” That’s the day we know we’re really getting at living out our gospel calling. A church full of all white, similar minded, same economical level, similarly political group of people is not my understanding of the church. A misfit, mismatched group of opposites and a spectrum of colors, races, ethnicities, political affiliations, theological views, sexual identities, and backgrounds all coming together in love of Christ and love of neighbor. Now, that’s my understanding of the Church!

So often we do hear similar themes being preached, but we don’t see them being practiced. I have expressed much of what you shared on several occasions with my husband. We have shared discussions of both how good it is to see people who are different enter the church service and then how terrible it is when you witness them being run off. How do people remain welcoming and love on their neighbors in instances where they may be very uncomfortable?

I have two thoughts: 1) If your faith is comfortable, are you really living it to the fullest? This is what I ask myself. I am constantly trying to push myself and try new things and become comfortable with being uncomfortable. 2) I have always found that finding our common areas of passion can be the very best way to be inclusive. For instance; you love to bake. Talk with others who bake and be invitational that way. You love music. Find music lovers and be invitational in that world, etc…

Common ground is a very powerful bonding agent, I think. It helps people who ordinarily wouldn’t spend time together to share moments of pure joy as they discuss or engage in something that both of them love. Books, movies, music, food, sports… All of these things (and so many others) are ways to connect on a more surface level so that we can then connect, hopefully, on a deeper, more spiritual level. Sometimes people just can’t see past their differences in order to get to that point. Your description of church as you understand it, it reminds me of a song. (There’s a shock!) One of the verses says this:

What this world needs Is for us to care more about the inside than the outside Have we become so blind that we can’t see God’s gotta change her heart before he changes her shirt What this world needs Is for us to stop hiding behind our relevance Blending in so well that people can’t see the difference And it’s the difference that sets the world free

If contemporary Christian music doesn’t offend you, you can listen to the whole song, What This World Needs by Casting Crowns here: https://youtu.be/NuGaEZYfAwc

As always, see you next week for another sermon dissection! Have a blessed week!

Don't forget to love your neighbor!

#methodist #pastorsperspective #pastorchad #fumc

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thosewickedlovelies · 4 years ago

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AND THEY WERE WALLMATES: Banana Bread (part 1)

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader

Rating: probably T for mature themes (implications of sexy times and violence). It will go up later ;)

Summary: You share an apartment wall with Javier Peña, but that doesn’t make it any easier to get to know him. You didn’t think your baking would be the catalyst (read: Javi is jealous that Connie gets all the extras).

Tags: Mention of blood; super vague description of wound care; alcohol; TW for Javi: you have FEELINGS bby

Word count: 2,791

A/N: I guess technically this starts at the beginning of season 1, but I don’t plan on referencing the events of the show, so imagine they’re working on things less intense than trying to catch Escobar. I found Javier really tricky to write for, so I hope this reads okay! I’m so excited about the future chapters I have outlined for this lol pls get hype.

Masterlist

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You had only been living in your new place for about a month when you got new neighbors. You were glad for the company- the four-apartment building was fairly new, and didn’t feel very lived-in. You did your best to add some personal flair to your apartment, but it still had the effect of reminding you of your own newness to this place, your lack of any deep personal connections.

Your other neighbor didn’t exactly help with that. Javier Peña had lived here for awhile before you moved in, but that was all you knew about him; you didn’t speak much beyond your neighborly greetings and his insinuating smiles. He never hides his lingering glances, but nor does he make any other moves- you sense he’s a safe type, all bark and no bite (without consent). So you always amusedly but politely ignore the invitation implicit in your exchanges. They don’t seem to have a lot of depth anyway, as if he’s just trying for the sake of trying. Granted, he probably never has to do much more than that- you’re very aware of how attractive your neighbor is on the surface. You just prefer to feel a connection slightly deeper than surface level before going home with someone.

You learn more about him from Connie, who tells you that he works at the embassy with her husband, Steve. In ��janitorial services.” You raise a bemused eyebrow at that, but respect your neighbors’ privacy and don’t ask further questions. You help Connie get a job at a hospital a few blocks away from the one you’re a nurse at and promise to help her practice Spanish.

The building feels more lively now, and you’re happy to have a confidant upstairs, especially one who’s more privy to the life of your enigmatic hall-mate. You don’t know if it’s the neighborly care you feel for your new friend or if there’s some other unconscious change, but you begin to keep an ear out for Javier. You do share an apartment wall, although you don’t glean much through it. Some standard kitchen rummaging, television noise, the occasional bedroom guest (whose enterprises you try not to listen to, but damn if the man doesn’t have a perfect voice for after-dark activities). The most noticeable thing about him is the odd hours he keeps: sometimes in tandem with Steve’s schedule and sometimes not, you can never predict when he’ll be in or out.

Little do you know, you’re not the only one paying attention. Javier has spent many an evening alone with only whiskey and the television for company, but now there are other things to stimulate his senses. The smell of your baking filtering through the wall, even lingering in the hallway the next morning. The sound of you singing to the radio while clattering about the kitchen. Sometimes he turns the tv down to listen and imagines there being no wall between your two homes. What would his life be like with someone to infuse that kind of sweetness and light into it?

He doesn’t mean you specifically, necessarily. If, once or twice, your face jumps to mind while he’s taking care of himself in bed, he thinks nothing of it. You’re his beautiful neighbor- it’s a fantasy begging to be played out.

But damn if he hasn’t been tempted to make it a reality. He gets to taste your baking sometimes when you leave extras with Connie, and one day she catches his brow creased in a frown, distracted halfway through a slice of walnut banana bread.

“Javi,” Connie repeats, trying to get his attention.

“Yeah.” Javier snaps out of it, looking up.

“You’ve been staring at that piece of banana bread for a full two minutes. Is it gonna do a trick?”

He decides to lean into it, see what Connie’s reaction might be. “Only if the trick is getting me out of my pants. I don’t know a man alive who could resist the shit she makes.” He scoops another forkful into his mouth to prove his point, letting the rich, nutty flavor remind him of other places. Homes. Real homes, made of people, not the solitary kind he lives in now.

She rolls her eyes at his crudeness, but agrees. “You’re right about that. I don’t know where she gets the energy to do this after hospital shifts.”

Javier hides his next thought with another forkful of bread and a noncommittal noise. Wonder if she’d have as much energy for it if she had a man to tire her out. It was automatic, a question he couldn’t help debating with himself. Surely no one who spent that much time in the kitchen could have energy to spare on…other pursuits.

Connie is regarding him shrewdly. He avoids her gaze, focusing on finishing his plate in large mouthfuls to avoid the questions he can feel brewing. But he’s not quick enough. “Has she always brought you extras too?” she asks. Too casually, idling with her fork.

“No,” Javier says dismissively, and it’s not quite a scoff. “She wasn’t here long before you showed up. We’re not as close as you two.” Understatement. Did he sound sour about the fact?

Before Connie can ask any more questions he rises from his seat. “Well, don’t let me keep you. Tell Steve what I said.” With a nod of farewell, he turns and strides out the door.

One night you’re awoken with a start from where you’d fallen asleep on the couch. Heart pounding, you sit up, listening intently. You’d never felt unsafe here, but you’re aware of the potential dangers. What had woken you?

You hear a swear from the hall, and your muscles relax as you recognize Javier’s low voice. There’s a beat of silence, then a scraping, clinking sound. He must have dropped his keys. But then he grunts, and concern sweeps over you. You’re a nurse- you recognize the sound of a man stifling his pain.

There are long delays before each new noise that indicates an action. The doorknob twists as he grunts again, but it’s a moment before the key turns in the lock. It seems to take an age for him to get through the door; his motions sound clumsy before he closes it. Safe in the privacy of his home, so he thinks, he lets out a longer sigh, the pain and exhaustion now obvious in the sound. But you can hear his fumbling through the wall, and you worry your lip between your teeth. It is your place to go see if he’s alright?

Finally you decide that it is. You’re his neighbor and a healthcare professional, and it is your professional opinion that he sounded in-pain enough to warrant a check-up. Plus, you heard him that way before he got inside, you reason. So it’s not as if you were just being snoopy through the wall.

Just in case, though, you grab some muffins you made earlier as a backup excuse (once again mentally thanking whoever left the cookbook in your apartment). 11:30 isn’t too late for a friendly drop-by, right?

You knock softly on his door. “Javier? It’s me.” Nervous energy taps in your fingers. You’re never even been on his side of the hallway before.

There’s a shuffling sound, and the door unlatches. A narrow gap opens, into which Javier plants himself, and you immediately zero in on where he keeps one leg wedged behind the door. He leans into the elbow propped against the doorjamb above his head, while his other hand already holds a glass of what you can smell is whiskey. He looks like he would rather be anywhere but here at this moment. “Neighbor,” he greets dryly, a neutral expression on his face.

“Uhh.” You’ve never been this close to him before, and his appearance catches you off-guard. His usually combed hair is messy, waves tangling over his forehead, and he’s sweaty, the open collar of his shirt damp and the exposed skin gleaming with moisture.

Javier raises an eyebrow expectantly, taking a sip of his drink. His glances down at the plate in your hands, and it prompts you to speak.

“Hi, Javier. Uh, sorry, I know it’s late, but I thought I’d bring you some of these-“ you lift the dish “-before they come with me to work tomorrow. They’re banana bread muffins.” Your voice falters with your confidence. Your eyes can’t help but flicker over his face and chest, taking in the smear of dust on his jaw, the redness of the knuckles wrapped around his glass. Mostly you’re trying not to look at the leg he’s definitely hiding, which you can tell he’s keeping his weight off of.

Javier stares at you, not buying it for a second. His lips purse for lack of a cigarette to wrap around. He shifts the weight he has on his arm- damn, his leg hurts- and wonders what could have possibly prompted you to start bringing him baked goods now of all moments. “Why aren’t you bring those to Connie’s?” Like usual.

“Um, well-“ He sees your gaze finally drop to the leg he’s kept out of view, and too late remembers who got Connie the hospital job.

“I heard you drop your keys, and it sounded like you were in pain,” you confess. “I’m a nurse, Javier. I can help if you need it.” Though apologetic, your tone is firm, face sincere as you offer him aid. Him, your grumpy neighbor who does nothing but leer at you.

Well, he isn’t that proud. Javier sighs, and opens the door further. Your eyes widen as you see the long slice in his pant leg, blood still damp around the wound beneath. “Shit, Javier, what happened? It doesn’t matter, shit, sit down.” You surge forward without waiting for permission, tucking yourself under the arm of his uninjured side and steering him toward a dining room chair. Where he’d been about to sit down down and tend to the cut himself. He supposes your apartments mirror each other, but your familiar reaction to the layout still surprises him.

“Whoa, hey, watch the whiskey,” he exclaims, flailing out the arm holding the glass, taken aback by your sudden manhandling. With one hand still occupied by the muffins, you direct him solely with an around his waist and your shoulder propped under his armpit. He couldn’t have resisted if he tried. If it weren’t for the fiery pain in his leg, your hold would have him feeling a very different kind of heat.

You give him a look that says you won’t be fooled by his blustering as you deposit him onto the chair and the plate on the table. “May I?” you ask, kneeling, hands hovering above his wound.

“Oh, now you’re asking permission?” He scoffs in disbelief but waves a hand in consent, leaning back in the seat.

You scoff right back at him. “Look, I see blood, I make the macho men sit, okay? Why didn’t you go to a hospital with this?”

Javier studies you as you carefully lift the denim to peer at the cut on his thigh. He takes a sip of whiskey to buy time (as well as dull the stinging pain). You’ve put on a robe over what looks like pajamas, but you seem too alert to have just dragged yourself from bed. And yet...was that a pillow mark on your cheek? Just there, arcing from your temple to your jaw…

“Javier?" you're looking up at him, a touch of confusion on your face.

“Did I wake you up?” he hears himself asking.

Her gaze drops again. “No,” you answer. “Well, yes, but I fell asleep on the couch, so it was a good thing.”

Ah, that explained the pillow mark.

Finally you stand. Your hands rest on your hips, heedless of your fingertips smudged red with his blood. “It doesn’t actually look too bad. I have enough supplies here to fix you up. You stay here, take off your pants if you can manage it by yourself, and I’ll be right back.” And with that you whisk away, robe swishing through his front door.

Javier remains where he is, a bit stunned by this turn of events, your sudden insertion into his life. He shakes his head. Maybe whiskey and blood loss shouldn’t go together. He tosses back the rest of his glass anyway in order to wrangle off his jeans.

By the time you return, he feels more composed, if rather uncomfortably vulnerable, sitting in just his boxers with a bloody slice across his thigh. He watches silently as you arrange various medical supplies on the table and pull up a chair across from him. You perch on the edge of it and look at him before doing anything else. “Are you gonna tell me how you got this?”

He’s not about to tell you it was a fluke accident during one of Carillo's interrogations. Somehow, while his back was turned, the guy got free and tried to escape, swinging a knife wildly as he hurled past Javier. The cut was long, ugly, but shallow. He’d live. He couldn’t say the same for the man who delivered it.

Javier considers his answer. “Can’t,” he says. “It’s better if you don’t know.” His gaze skitters away as he speaks.

He works for the government with a poker face like that? “Janitorial work, huh?” you say dryly. Sighing, you reach for the antiseptic. “At least tell me what made it. So I can treat it properly.” You look at him steadily.

Javier looks back for a long moment. “A knife,” he says at last.

You nod, and rip open a packet of gauze. He sucks air through his teeth as the antiseptic sears the wound clean, but otherwise doesn’t speak while you work. Which is fine. You notice he’s drained his glass, and you empathize. Frankly you wish you had a drink yourself right now.

Once you’ve cleaned the cut it’s easier to see the damage. Which is minimal, thankfully. Most of the blood was probably from him moving around when it happened. You explain what you’re doing as you seal the wound closed. Only when you’re almost finished does he speak.

“Why don’t you ever bake me anything?”

It’s so unexpected that your hands still. You stare at him in astonishment, waiting for him to elaborate.

“What I mean is…christ,” Javier mutters. The unflattering fluorescent light overhead highlights the dark circles under his eyes as he scrubs a hand over his face. “You always leave extras of stuff at Steve and Connie’s. Never here.” With me.

You resume your work on his thigh, surprised to feel a tinge of guilt. “You didn’t seem like a baked goods kind of guy,” you reply, hoping you don’t sound too defensive. It was true, after all. Though you never got a sense of threat from Javier, neither did he seem the type who would appreciate domestic gestures of friendship.

He didn’t look offended, however. I’ll try anything once,” he says, the ghost of a familiar smirk suggesting he’s feeling better. But then he leans forward, all traces of smirk vanishing. “And your lemon drizzle cake was incredible.” Javier looks at you seriously. His face is too close for your level of acquaintanceship, but you don’t move away.

Surprised, you assess him anew, wondering if you’re catching a glimpse of the man beneath all the masculine posturing. He’s nicer-looking this way, you muse. His face softer, brown eyes wide and sincere. You hide just how pleased you are at this insight (which you’re sure he has no idea he’s giving you) beyond allowing yourself a small smile.

“Well, maybe next time I’ll bring you some.”

Javier can’t quite find another quippy response, so he just gives a small nod, finding it hard to draw back even after you break his gaze. He tries not to fidget as you place a final strip of tape over the gauze bandage.

“There,” you declare, your work complete. “That should hold you for tonight.” You stand and gather up your supplies, giving him care instructions as you go. “Got it?” You seem much more relaxed than when you first arrived, confidence in your work squaring your shoulders. It’s…compelling, much more so than your usual reserved smiles in the hall.

“Yes ma’am.” Javier nods, not having heard a word. “…Thank you,” he adds, begrudgingly grateful.

You smile wryly at him. “Goodnight, Javier.”

You’ve nearly reached the door when he speaks again. “Javi.”

“Hm?” Pausing, you turn back to him.

He clears his throat. “You…you can call me Javi.”

Your smile is much warmer this time, brightening your eyes, and Javier feels his heart pound. “Goodnight, Javi.”

#javier peña x reader #javier peña x you #narcos fic #narcos #javier peña #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters

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dunkindestieldonuts · 3 years ago

Text

Soft and Warm

700 words, rated G (read on ao3) It’s raining! Bake gingerbread cookies! Part of my anniversary series!

Drizzly December mornings are the best time to try out new gingerbread recipes. That’s just a fact. Dean pulls the latest batch out of the oven for a knife test to see if they’re ready. Satisfied, he puts the cookie sheets on the counter. He turns down the soft rock playing from the bluetooth speaker next to the stove so he can make notes on the printed recipe he’d been working from.

“Tried…more nutmeg, less…cinnamon,” he dictates as he writes. “Smell good so far.”

When the cookies are cooled off enough, he tries one. Yup. That was a lot of nutmeg. They definitely smell better than they taste. Maybe Cas will like them, though. He sticks his head through the kitchen doorway to look for his husband. “Cas?”

“In the nook, dear.”

Dean steps into the dining room. Cas sits in a powder blue knit sweater, clutching his tea-filled mug. He’s nestled in the newly-painted breakfast nook that Dean had added to their house, specifically for this purpose (and to cuddle). The window behind Cas highlights his ruffled hair. He’s is covered in multiple blankets: a crocheted purple and blue one (a gift from one of their new neighbors), a gaudy gag gift to Cas from Eileen that has something about the power of the bond between brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law stitched on it, and a few plain gray or tan ones Cas had bought from Pottery Barn (“It’d be silly not to use all the coupons, Dean.”).

Dean leans against the doorway, appreciating the view. “I love you like this.”

Cas smiles up at his husband. “Like what?”

“Y’know,” Dean shrugs, gesturing in Cas’ general direction. “Warm. Comfy. You look cute.”

Cas looks down at himself and his sweater. He sets the mug on the windowsill and opens his arms towards Dean. “Would you like to share in the warmth?”

Dean automatically steps towards him but stops, remembering what he was just doing. He holds a hand up to Cas and says, “Hold that thought.”

Cas pouts a little but Dean returns quickly, freshly baked gingerbread cookies on a plate in his hands. Cas lifts the blankets up for him and Dean tucks himself into the space. He wiggles a little to adjust the throw pillows at his back as Cas shifts closer. Once they’re settled, Dean offers the plate to Cas.

“Thank you,” Cas says, taking a cookie and kissing Dean on the cheek. Dean lets out a huge contented sigh.

“You’re welcome.” He watches as Cas takes a bite, catching the blink-and-miss-it grimace. Not letting on that he saw, Dean asks, “So?”

“Mmh, these are…great,” Cas very obviously lies.

“This is an experimental batch, Cas. Don’t lie to me.”

“Ease up on the nutmeg.”

“Yeah I thought so. There we go.” He eats another one himself in solidarity. “Dammit, I thought I had it this time.”

“They’re almost there,” Cas says encouragingly.

Dean places the plate on the windowsill to the side. He gives Cas’ mug back to him and rests his head on Cas’ shoulder.

He nuzzles his cheek into the sweater. “Thing’s soft, too.”

“I know. That’s part of why I chose it.”

“And?”

“You once said blue is my color.”

“Yup. Brings out your eyes.”

They sit there for a while as Cas finishes his tea. Just enjoying each others’ warmth and presence. The room is cast in a soft gray light. Shadows are muted and everything looks…soft. Dean feels like he’s overused the word but that’s the best word for it. Soft. Slowly, incrementally, as if the sun had come out behind them, Dean feels even more warmth envelop him. Cas always runs a bit hot (sometimes in direct contrast to Dean’s need to be under the covers when they sleep) but even more now. As if, without moving, Cas is hugging him close. Maybe he is, with his wings. It’s hard for Dean to tell. Not that he really cares, though. It’s so comforting Dean feels himself start to fall asleep.

“You’re so warm,” he says. He feels Cas kiss the top of his head. He thinks he hears Cas say ‘I love you’ before he completely nods off.

#my fanfic #mine #Destiel #destiel fanfiction #destiel fanfic #fanfiction #supernatural #spn #soft #warm #cookies #blankets #so many blankets #sweaters #just tagging all the objects lmao

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jeonsjiddies · 4 years ago

Text

Certain Things (m) | myg

original photo by snowmari on picsart

summary- you were in love with min yoongi, because he was a good person. You never thought he’d feel the same. F2l

rating- explicit 18+

word count- 5869

pairing- yoongi x reader

genre- fluff, smut

Warnings - oral (male and female receiving), penetrative sex, daddy kink, slight rough sex

Title inspired by Certain Things by James Arthur. <3

You did not fall in love with Min Yoongi because he was the dreamiest man you’d ever laid eyes on.

You did not fall in love with Min Yoongi because he was skilled in just about everything

You did not fall in love with him because of the way his body moved when he danced, almost like telling a story.

It wasn’t the way he remembered your coffee order or the way he stuck his tongue out when he was concentrating. It wasn’t the look of concern in his eyes when you had a rough day. It wasn’t the way he could (almost) always tell what you were thinking.

No.

You fell in love with Min Yoongi because he was a genuinely good person. The kind of person who made you want to be better too.

The way he’d do good things, the way he’d help people, especially when he thought no one was watching. You couldn’t count on all your fingers and toes how many times you’d sat at your window and watched Min Yoongi help an elderly woman carry her groceries up the stairs, or insisted on taking the single mother's trash to the dumpster as she wrangled her child in the other arm. The times he’d fix things the apartment complex neglected to get around to, not even leaving a note. He never asked for any glory.

The only time Yoongi sought out recognition was with his music.. His kind words and actions often went unnoticed or unappreciated by others. Yoongi didn’t mind that no one noticed, except you did. You noticed everything he did.

The day Yoongi moved in next door a year ago, you noticed his minty green hair and his contagious, gummy smile. You’d smiled back and welcomed him to the neighborhood, offering to help if he needed it. Yoongi had politely refused your offer, telling you he did not wish to bother you. Hours later when you showed up with freshly baked cookies, he did not refuse those. That was the beginning of your friendship with Yoongi.

After that, you two were almost inseparable, you were in his apartment or he was in yours. You talked and laughed and watched movies and got to know each other. The few moments you didn’t spend at each other’s side, you found yourself watching Yoongi every chance you got.

Just last week, you had perched yourself at your window and watched with a fond smile as your neighbor and now best friend comforted a little girl who’d approached him with tearful eyes and scuffed up knees.

Yoongi looked around for her mother, the single mom with too much on her plate, and when he didn’t find her he scooped the small girl into his arms, and gently distracted her with stories of a princess he once knew who fell off her bike too. The little girl snuggled into Yoongi’s chest as he walked around looking for her mother, telling her how the princess got a special band aid that made her booboo stop hurting immediately, like magic.

The mother darted over to Yoongi, spewing out apologies and thank you’s. She’d only turned her back for a moment and her toddler had disappeared. Yoongi shook his head, telling her it was nothing to apologize about and that he always enjoyed the young girls company. Min Yoongi was, in your opinion, a literal angel.

You smiled fondly, walking away from the window and stirring the soup you'd begun cooking earlier in the evening. You often shared your food with Yoongi, knowing that if you didn't, the stubborn idiot would exist on nothing but instant noodles and americano coffee. As you stirred the pot, you let your mind drift off with thoughts of Yoongi. He had texted you late the night before while he was struggling to compose lyrics for his new song.

He sent you voice clips of him rapping verses and asked your opinion on lines for the chorus, and you'd helped him get through his little slump until he was so in the zone he forgot to reply. You'd woken up this morning to an apology text and hugged your phone to your chest, reveling in how sweet he was and thinking it was just as good as a good morning text. You knew it was stupid to pretend these interactions with Yoongi were more than friendly, but sometimes you couldnt help yourself from getting lost in the idea of being his.

You wanted so badly to wake up to good morning texts from him. You wanted the hugs to last longer. You wanted him to hold you. You wanted to kiss those shiny, plump lips. Feel those veiny hands on your skin. You wanted to stay with him always, every time you parted from him a part of you seemed to dim. It was as if Yoongi was the sun and you were the moon, his warmth and energy reflected off of you and fueled your own.

Your entire life didn't revolve around Yoongi, not in the least. You had other interests and friends and hobbies. But it seemed like lately, he had wiggled his way into your heart so deeply, like a budding rose, the roots of your love for him were ingrained inside of you. Lately he had taken up more and more room in your heart, occupied more and more of your thoughts. You sighed, shaking off the empty feeling inside your chest and scooped the soup into two bowls.

You made your way over to Yoongi's apartment and balanced the soup so that you could knock. Yoongi opened the door a few moments later, wearing only grey sweatpants. Your mouth went dry and your grip on the soup wobbled as you stared at his exposed chest. Yoongi reached out to steady your hands and took the bowls from you, setting them down on the coffee table by the couch.

''Sorry I just got out of the shower. Let me go put a shirt on.'' Yoongi blushed, scurrying down the hallway and leaving you speechless at the entry.

You collected yourself, slowly shutting the door behind you and grabbing two spoons from his kitchen before sitting down on the sofa. Yoongi reappeared, fully clothed. You weren't sure if you were thankful or disappointed.

''This smells amazing!'' he praised. ''I was just about to make some instant noodles but this is so much better. Thank you!''

''How many times do I have to tell you that you can't survive on instant noodles and coffee?'' you rolled your eyes.

''I don't know how to cook.'' he shrugged.

''I have offered to teach you a million times.'' you threw back at him.

''But if I learned how to cook you wouldn't cook for me anymore.'' he pouted playfully , knocking his shoulder into yours.

''Big baby.'' you muttered, not bothering to hide the smile on your face. ''What would you do without me?''

''Probably die.'' he laughed. ''You're my best friend, I kind of need you.''

''Awww, Yoongi!'' you hugged him.

''Yeah yeah.'' he laughed, wrapping an arm around you in return. ''Just don't go anywhere, okay?''

''I won't, I promise.'' you grinned. ''Who else is going to feed you?''

''My point exactly.'' he winked, spooning more soup into his mouth and closing his eyes happily. “Ugh. Marry me.” He joked.

“You wish.” You laughed, trying to hide the heat rising in your cheeks.

You wished.

You chucked your coat off and threw it haphazardly on the coat rack then flopped onto the couch with a loud groan. You should have called in. You'd woken up late, your alarm didn't go off. You didn't have time to do your makeup if you wanted to shower, which you really needed to. So you'd gone to work looking like a troll, and things only spiraled downhill from there.

Your boss had called you out in front of everyone at the staff meeting for being late to work, using you as an example for the new attendance point system. Snide remarks were tossed your way from various grumpy people which you attempted to take in stride. Then, in the breakroom you'd spilled coffee all down the front of your peach colored dress.

You had texted Yoongi about your less than stellar morning and asked if he was having a better day. He talked you through your meltdown, trying to convince you that the universe wasn't out to get you and the world wasn't cruel and unjust. He'd been the reason you made it through the work day, albeit by the skin of your teeth. Your whole body dragged on the way home and all you wanted was to see Yoongi's smile but he had promised a friend he'd go drinking with them.

You flung yourself off the couch and changed into a baggy t-shirt and a pair of pajama shorts. You put on your favorite avocado face mask and relaxed with a lavender candle burning on the coffee table. You'd taken about two deep breaths when you heard soft tapping on your front door. You whined out loud and got up, padding over to the door and flinging it open.

The poor teenager standing at your door jumped in surprise, almost dropping the pizza he was holding. Eyes wide, he stepped back a bit. Your brows furrowed in confusion.

“Sorry. Can I help you?” you asked as sweetly as you could, guilt flooding your chest.

“Large pizza for Y/N Y/L/N? ” he questioned nervously.

“But I didn't order any-” you began to explain before you were cut off.

“Sorry! Sorry I thought I'd be back in time!” Yoongi huffed, jogging up to you and the poor delivery kid.

Yoongi took some cash out of his wallet and paid the young man before thanking him as he took the pizza and turned to you with a smile. He was also holding a white paper sack you couldn't identify and you shot him a quizzical look.

“Hey there Shrek.” he laughed at your bright green face mask which you had honestly forgotten about.

You were thankful it hid your blush as you swatted at his arm in protest.

“I thought you had plans.” you stated, ignoring his comment.

“I cancelled them.” he shrugged, moving past you to enter your apartment and set the pizza down on the coffee table.

“Why?” you asked, shutting the door and following him in.

“Sounded like you needed some cheering up.” Yoongi smiled, opening the paper bag and pulling out your favorite wine.

“Ugh, a man after my own heart.” you joked.

Yoongi just chuckled and uncorked the bottle, walking into your kitchen and pulling two wine glasses from the cabinet like he lived there. He poured you both a glass and sat next to you on the couch.

“I am fully aware that I am going to regret this decision, but I have decided that to cheer you up, we can watch whatever movie you want.” he told you.

Your eyes widened in excitement.

“Any movie I want?” you confirmed, “you won't complain?”

“One time only offer. Whatever movie you want.” he grinned at the childlike response.

“Harvard here we come!” you giggled, snatching up the remote and selecting Legally Blonde.

You glanced over at Yoongi, waiting for a snarky comment. He only gave you a pained smile. You snuggled into the couch with your wine in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other, feeling content and happy. Yoongi had turned the worst day into one of the best, simply by being who he was: kind and thoughtful.

“Thank you, Yoongi.” you said softly.

“No need to thank me. That's what friends are for.” he smiled, throwing an arm around your shoulders and leaning in for a quick squeeze.

Yoongi left his arm around your shoulder while you two watched the movie, and you had never been more comfortable than you were snuggled into Yoongi's side with your wine and pizza and strong leading female character centered movie. With Min Yoongi by your side, maybe the world wasn't so bad after all.

Today was Yoongi’s birthday. He’d gone to lunch with his family the day before and had planned to spend the day with you once he got off work. You looked over at your coffee table, grinning at his gift that you’d wrapped perfectly, even put a pretty bow on top. You’d baked him a cake, which was iced and ready for candles. You opened the drawer, but did not find candles.

Cursing under your breath, you checked the time before rushing out the door and running over to the small shopping center across the street from your apartment complex. You gave a friendly wave to the cashier, a college aged girl who worked there three days a week. You grabbed candles and a lighter then made your way over, making small talk with her and asking about classes.

“Thank god finals are almost over. They’re killing me.” She whined as you swiped your card.

“Hang in there, it’s almost over!” You encouraged her and she groaned but laughed.

You made your way back to your apartment complex, thinking about Yoongi and his face when he inevitably saw what you’d bought him. You didn’t notice the clouds turning an angry gray. You did notice however, when the rain immediately started pelting down, drenching you in seconds. You squealed, holding your shopping bag above your head and jogging towards your apartment.

Suddenly, the rain stopped assaulting you, and you looked up to find Min Yoongi laughing as he held an umbrella over both of your heads. Despite his eyes being the darkest color you’d ever seen, they shone with kindness.

“Yoongi.” You grinned in surprise, “you’re home early!”

“Yeah, they let me go early for my birthday.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

“Well let’s party!” You beamed up at him.

The two of you ascended the staircase and made your way into your apartment. You shrugged off your soaked jacket and hung it up. Yoongi cleared his throat uncomfortably, looking anywhere but at you.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

“I-uh... your shirt.” He mumbled, apples of his cheeks dusted with a light pink flush.

You looked down, cheeks burning as you realized your white t shirt was soaked through, revealing your lacy pink bra. You squeaked, arms darting out to cover your chest. You disappeared into your room, embarrassment flooding your face as you changed. Reappearing in front of Yoongi fully covered, you couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay, don’t be embarrassed.” He comforted you with a hand on your shoulder.

The skin there burned. When you didn’t say anything, Yoongi pulled you into a hug, strong arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you into his warm chest. You let the warmth of his embrace comfort you for a moment before pulling away and putting the candles in his cake and lighting them before walking it over to him.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Yoongi! Happy birthday to you!”

Yoongi’s gummy smile graced his lips before he closed his eyes and blew out the candles.

“What did you wish for?” You asked, leaning in and wiggling your eyebrows.

“If I tell you it won’t come true!” He chuckled.

You sighed dramatically with a smile and cut the cake into slices, handing him the biggest one. Yoongi took one bite and threw his head back with a groan.

“This is delicious, Y/N. Thank you so much.” He praised.

Your heart skipped a beat and you grabbed the neatly wrapped present from beside the couch, holding it out to him.

“I told you not to buy me anything.” He glared jokingly at you.

“Just open it.” You giggled.

Yoongi took his time opening the gift, carefully peeling back the paper in an attempt to keep it whole and make less of a mess for you, thoughtful man that he was. He froze when he saw the box.

“You didn’t.” He gasped.

Your giddy laughter was your only response.

“These are... they... theyre too much, Y/N. I can’t accept them.” He sighed regretfully.

“You can and you will. You deserve something special on your special day! It’s about time someone pays you back for everything you do.” You smiled encouragingly.

“The cake was more than enough.” He argued, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of the box in his lap.

They were the wireless noise cancelling headphones he’d been drooling over for months, ever since the promo came out on Instagram. He’d been salivating when he showed you the ad for them, and you started picking up a few extra shifts here and there to put back money for them. They were a couple hundred dollars but you would’ve saved up thousands just to see the look that adorned Yoongi’s face in that moment.

“Thank you... so much. I’ll pay you back for these. I’ll take you to dinner. I’ll-“ he began but you cut him off.

“Don’t even think about it. Just take them. If you really wanna pay me back, write me a song.” You grinned.

“I will.” Yoongi promised, engulfing you in a tight hug. “Thank you.” Left his lips in a whisper over and over. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

He pulled back and held you at arms length, eyes trained on your face. His gaze roamed over your features, drinking you in. His eyes searched yours for a moment before his gaze flicked to your lips. You waited with bated breath.

“Y/N?” Yoongi's voice was barely above a whisper.

“Hmm?”

“Can I kiss you?” He questioned quietly, carefully.

“Please.”

His hand came up to gently cup your cheek. He angled his head and closed the distance between you. The moment his lips pressed against yours, it felt like coming home. He held you close, and you’d never felt so safe. Your heart hammered in your chest as your arms wrapped around his neck, fingers gently threading through his hair. Yoongi’s arms found purchase on your hips and he pressed himself closer to you, his tongue sneaking out and gliding along your lips. You parted them, and he deepened the kiss. You weren’t aware that your grip on his hair had tightened until Yoongi pulled back, resting his forehead against your own with labored breathing.

“I’m trying really hard to be respectful and not to push you, but you’re making it kinda hard pulling on my hair like that.” he admitted breathlessly. You could feel the thickness of him pressing into you.

“What if I want you to?” you asked quietly, looking up at him from beneath your lashes.

Yoongi sucked in a surprised breath, his eyes searching yours almost frantically for a sign of doubt. When he found none, he interlaced his fingers into yours.

“Are you sure?” he pondered.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything or anyone.” you admitted, biting down on your lip nervously.

“Is this- Are you- I don’t think I can do this if it’s just a one time thing.” Yoongi sighed remorsefully.

“I don’t want it to be.” you reply, gently running a hand up and down his arm comfortingly. “Yoongi I want you. In every possible way. You’re my best friend. I love you. I’m in love with you. I have been for a while.”

“I’m in love with you too.” he whispered, like a secret he’d been dying to tell you. “Be mine?”

“Oh Yoongi baby, I’ve always been yours.” you giggled, pulling him in for a tender kiss.

Yoongi kissed you back, slowly. He took his time, exploring your mouth, relishing in the taste of you. You tasted a bit like the cake you’d both consumed not long ago, but also just distinctively...you. Yoongi loved the way you tasted, and he wondered idly if other areas of your body tasted just as sweet.

Gripping you by the hips, Yoongi pulled you up against him and you wrapped your legs around his torso as he carried you towards your bedroom. Your hands gripped his biceps and he barely had to look where he was going, so familiar with your apartment since he practically lived there. He hoped to become as familiar with your body and how you ticked as he was with everything else about you. You could feel him pressing up against your core as he carried you, the friction causing arousal to pool.

Yoongi placed you on the mattress gently, his body moving to hover over yours. He gazed down at you with longing in his onyx eyes, but it wasn’t just longing. He yearned for you, needed you, you knew this because you felt it too. The way he looked into your eyes mirrored your own expression. You were so desperately in love with Min Yoongi, and by some miracle, he felt the same way.

“I have dreamt about this moment for so long.” he admitted sheepishly, “I almost can’t believe this is real.”

“Me either. I can’t believe you’re here.” you giggled, letting a hand come up to softly caress his face, then push his hair out of his eyes.

“I’m not going to lie, I thought I was going to have to leave when your shirt was wet and I saw your bra. I didn’t want you to see my hard-on.” he laughed.

You covered your face and giggled in embarrassment, but Yoongi’s hands covered yours and pulled them away from your face, holding them on either side of your head.

“Don’t hide from me. Don’t ever hide any part of yourself from me. You are so beautiful, Y/N. I adore everything about you.” Yoongi cooed, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek.

“Did you know…” he ghosted his lips to the other cheek. “That…” his tender assault moved to your forehead as he placed a kiss to it. “I…” his lips brushed the tip of your nose. “love you.” he smiled, kissing your lips.

“I love you too, so much.” you giggled, kissing him back and moving closer to him, his warm embrace cradling you.

Something shifted, and Yoongi’s kisses got deeper, needier. His body lowered to lay flush against yours, but he was careful not to squish you. His erection pressed firmly into your core as he slowly rutted his hips into yours. A quiet moan left your lips at the swivel of his hips against yours and Yoongi’s kisses began to descend, his lips now working against the skin of your neck, sucking and nipping at the flesh.

His fingers crept up to the hem of your dress, and he tugged gently on it. You lifted yourself, tugging it off and tossing it across the room. Yoongi had seen you in bathing suits that had covered the same amount of skin, but this was different and it had heat flooding your cheeks. You took a deep breath and willed all of your courage and unhooked your bra, letting it slip down your shoulders before tossing it aside as well, leaving you only in your panties.

Yoongi’s jaw went slack as he stared at your breasts. You wanted to cover them, wanted to hide, but this was Yoongi. You trusted him with every part of you.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N.” he stated in awe.

His head dipped down and his mouth wrapped around your nipple, his tongue flicking over the nub. Your back arched and your whimpers got louder when he began to suck. His large hand reached up to knead and tweak the other breast. Your body responded immediately, hips bucking up into Yoongi’s. You gripped his shirt and tugged, mumbling “off.” Yoongi obliged, tearing the fabric off and tossing it away in one fluid motion.

Your mouth watered, eyes roaming his ivory skin, the smooth planes of his flat stomach, poofing out just a little. He was perfect. Yoongi’s cheeks were dusted pink again and you leaned up, placing soft kisses to his tummy. Yoongi wound his hands gently in your hair, watery eyes watching you as you worshipped his body the way he deserved. Your lips ghosted over his chest and you could feel his heart racing beneath your touch.

“You’re so perfect.” you cooed.

Yoongi covered his mouth to stifle a laugh, and you grinned up at him. His hands came down to cup your face gently, and you leaned into his touch before urging him backwards until he was lying on his back. You made quick work of his belt and zipper, pulling his slacks down and tossing them haphazardly away. You watched his face for a reaction, and he bit his lip to conceal a nervous smile. Your heart fluttered in your chest at how adorable he was.

Despite the fondness filling your chest, you couldn’t help but feel warmth farther down when your eyes roamed over the tent in Yoongi’s boxers. You reached out and cupped your hand over his hardened member, palming him over his boxers. Yoongi let out a low groan at your actions, his hand gripping at the duvet cover. You slowly pulled the boxers off his body,

Yoongi’s length sprung free once his boxers were removed and it rested against his stomach, thick, hard, and leaking. You peppered soft kisses along the vein, bringing a groan out of Yoongi. Your tongue snuck out and cautiously slid across the tip of his penis, and his breath stuttered. You smiled to yourself, then took him in your mouth. Yoongi couldn't tear his eyes away from you, mesmerized by the sight of your lips wrapped around his cock. He'd had a million dreams about this very moment, but none of them compared to the way it felt to have his cock in your mouth.

It was almost too much for Yoongi, the way you were bobbing your head along his length, twirling your tongue around, massaging his balls with the perfect amount of pressure. It wasn't all sensual, he could see the adoration in your eyes. It made his heart swell with joy. Other parts of him were swelling as well as he neared his high. His hips involuntarily jerked, apologies tumbling from his reddened lips but you didn't slow down. You wanted to make him feel good, reward him for all the things he did for everyone else.

“Y/N, I..I'm gonna-” Yoongi warned.

You took the opportunity to take him deeper down your throat, swallowing around him. That sent Yoongi over the edge, echoes of your name falling from his lips, his body twitching as he spilled his seed down your throat. Yoongi took a shaky breath and gazed down at you in awe as you licked your lips clean after swallowing his load.

“Your turn.” He smiled, guiding you to lay on your back while he settled himself between your thighs, placing teasing kisses along the skin there.

He pulled your panties down your legs and licked his lips at the sight of your soaking cunt presented to him. Yoongi didn’t waste any time, bringing his lips to your folds and letting his tongue dart out to lick at your clit. You gasped, spreading your legs further apart, inviting him in. He slowly slipped one finger in your heat, working it and curling to hit that sweet spot that had you drooling.

His lips wrapped around your clit and he sucked before using his tongue to attack the sensitive bundle of nerves. You knew Yoongi could move his tongue quickly based on every rap you’d heard him recite and you’d daydreamed about how that would translate to eating you out but his skills surpassed your imagination and he had you close to cumming in under a minute. He slowly worked more fingers in, stretching your tight hole while he seemed to recite spells on your clit with his tongue.

No sooner than Yoongi added a third finger, you were careening off the edge, pleasure washing over you and Yoongi worked you through it, drinking up all of your juices and leaving a soft peck on your clit as you came down, which had your body jolting. He reached down to his jeans and pulled out a condom.

��Are you still sure about this?” He asked tentatively.

“Yes, I’m sure.” You said with absolute certainty.

Yoongi crawled up your body, leaving sweet kisses as he made his way to hover over you until you were face to face. He bit his plush lip, looking into your eyes with so much longing it almost hurt to return his gaze. He reached up to brush a stray lock of hair from your face, leaving his large hands on your cheek, gently rubbing his thumb back and forth. You leaned up and captured his lips with your own, and he melted into the kiss, immediately deepening it. His hands travelled down your neck, his fingertips tenderly brushing against the skin of your arms until he found your hands, resting beside your head. He interlaced your fingers together as he finally, finally entered you.

You gasped into his mouth, squeezing his hand while you focused on the feeling of finally being filled by the man of your dreams. Yoongi felt perfect inside of you, filling you up perfectly as if he was made for you and you were made for him. He stretched you in all the right ways and feeling him pressed up against your walls had your head spinning.

'' You okay?'' Yoongi asked, stilling inside of you.

''Yes.'' you whispered breathlessly. ''You feel so good, Yoongi. Please.''

Yoongi began to slowly move inside you, taking his time and making sure not to hurt you. His hips met yours as he bottomed out and he let out a shaky breath, watching your eyes for any sign of discomfort. You smiled up at him, pecking his lips quickly. Yoongi was amazed at how brightly your eyes shined when you looked at him. His thrusts started picking up pace, your soft noises spurring him on.

The two of you shared sweet kisses as he thrust in and out of your aching heat. Your noises gradually got louder, the faster his thrusts got. The louder you got, the harder it was for Yoongi to keep his composure. While he'd been picking up the pace, he’d remained fairly gentle, but something in him snapped when you groaned his name, sounding particularly needy as you begged ''more.''

His hips snapped into yours in a harsh thrust , knocking the air from your lungs. Gone was the sweet love making from moments ago, instead Yoongi was plowing into you with everything he had within him. Everything he'd held back this past year seemed to be pouring out, driving him to fuck you harder, faster. If you thought Yoongi's slow passionate strokes were maddening, you were absolutely ruined by his relentless, unforgiving thrusts.

Your soft cries of his name were now loud moans, he had you writhing and screaming as he drove you closer to the edge with every brush of your sweet spot.

''Fuck, you take my cock so well baby. I have dreamed about fucking you like this for so long.'' he growled in your ear, leaving hot, wet kisses along the skin below it.

''Me...me too.'' you whined at a particularly good thrust.

''Hmmm, I bet you have.” he smirked, bringing his hand between your bodies to rub lazy circles on your clit.

“Did you touch yourself here?” he asked, applying more pressure to your sensitive bud. “Did you play with this pretty pussy thinking about my cock?”

You nodded, overwhelmed with pleasure while Yoongi played your body like an instrument he'd practiced all his life. He knew exactly where to touch, how to rub, how to bring you to the brink of oblivion with a single stroke of his thumb. He was a damn sex wizard.

“You're cute, baby girl. But I need you to tell me. Tell me how desperate you were to feel me inside you. How you thought of me while you fingered yourself.” Yoongi coaxed, bringing one nipple into his mouth and making it impossible for you to think as his tongue rolled over it.

“Cat got your tongue?” Yoongi purred, licking a bold stripe across your hardened nipple, then the other. “Who makes you feel this good?”

“You.” you moaned, walls clenching around his cock as you got closer to release. This response did not seem to satisfy Yoongi and he shook his head.

“What's my name?” he prodded.

“Yo...Yoongi!” you cried out as he rolled his hips harshly against your own.

“Close... but you can do better, baby girl. ” his words were muffled by the hickeys he was sucking along your skin.

“Fuck… daddy.” you whimpered.

“What was that princess? Louder.” he commanded.

“Daddy!” you groaned.

“Cum for daddy.” Yoongi demanded.

And you did. Your orgasm crashed over you, the most intense you had ever experienced before. You body arched off the bed into Yoongis and you let out the most pornographic sound Yoongi had ever heard. Your vision went spotty and your head felt light and your face contorted in pleasure. The combined feeling of your pussy clenching around him and the sounds you were making threw Yoongi over the edge and he came shortly after you, spurts of hot cum filling the condom. Yoongi didn't think he had ever cum this much in his life. He tied the condom and threw it in your trash can.

His savage streak gone, the energy drained out of Yoongi and he fell beside you panting. You looked over to meet his gaze and you both burst into giggles. His arms came to wrap around you to pull you into his chest. You sighed contently and nuzzled into his warmth. He stroked your hair softly, leaving soft kisses anywhere he could reach. You pressed chaste kisses to the skin of his chest, too exhausted to aim for anywhere else.

“I can't believe it took us this long to get here. We're pathetic.” you giggled.

“Better late than never, I suppose.” he grinned.

“Always a bright side, that's one of the things I love about you.” you admitted with a shy smile.

“Oh?” Yoongi smiled, kissing your blush filled cheeks.

“There's certain things that I adore about you.” you explained. “Like how kind you are, and how determined and focused. How you always treat people with respect. How you scrunch your nose up. God its adorable.”

Yoongi covered his mouth to stifle a laugh, his own cheeks now turning a shade of red.

“I love you too, baby. I love how you take care of me. How your eyes light up when you smile. I love how passionate you are. You’re perfect to me.” Yoongi's voice was low and soft while he confessed.

You hid your face in his chest, willing your racing heart to calm down, but Yoongi always made your heart race, it seemed to beat only for him. Soon, exhaustion got the better of both of you. You drifted to sleep in Yoongi's warm embrace, listening to your favorite sound in the world, his heart. And it beat only for you.

#min yoongi #yoongi #suga #bts #bts smut #smut #agust d #bts suga #friends to lovers #bts au #min yoongi x reader #yoongi x reader #suga x reader #neighbor au #neighbor!yoongi

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