#Someone to tell me they're proud of me and I'm doing fine. would be nice i guess

[lunasilvis]

Wish I could rest my head in someone's lap for a little while, my heart feels so tired lately actually

[that-one-banger-of-a-rhcp-song]

A Rodrick x reader where they're friends with benefits and aren't aware of each others feelings towards the other util reader gets asked out by someone from their school :]

i started this one earlier and then the draft got deleted (this is why you dont take grilled cheese brakes kids) Thank you so much for the request, i have never written fwb before so i hope i meet your expectations :) (p.s. im a sucker for hand/knuckle kisses and it shows) lets just say greg and rowley weren't there for the party.

"Dammit Rodrick," you chuckled slightly, sitting on a desk.

"What?" The raven haired boy started, "Don't like doing this anymore?" His hot breath tickled against your neck.

"It's not that," you muttered, "I just, don't feel like making out in an empty classroom five minutes before lunch ends."

"Oh, 'cause you are so above that," he retorted, going back to his assault on your neck and jawline.

"I'm turning over a new leaf!" You leaned back slightly, humming.

"Proud of yourself?" his hand relocated to your waist, the other supporting his weight.

"I would say I'm more proud of you,"

"Oh?"

"You haven't gotten a detention in two days!" at that, the boy laughed, and removed his head from the crook of your neck.

'God I love you!' he wanted to say, but you seemed content with your current status, and he got to make out with you whenever he wanted... so he was fine! Totally.

"Has that Micha kid been bothering you?" The so called 'Micha kid' had been trying to hit on you for months, and you were to nice to tell him you secretly hated him, but you were working on it (thanks to Rodrick)

"Kind of? He tries to talk to me a lot, but he's less persistent."

"Good" he smiled, patting your waist before kissing you again.

You pulled away after a moment, "We should probably get our stuff," you commented, pulling him out of his blissful state.

"uh, yeah!" god he was so awkward sometimes. He held out his hand for you to take, (which you did) and you slid off the desk.

"You're such a gentleman!" you mocked in a brittish accent

"Oh, I know, love," he carried on.

-----------

'party at my house -rodrick' The text had been sent four minutes ago on the dot. Your parents were out of town, so you could go without being caught. So you fucking did. You put on a white button-down, black skinny jeans that were torn to shreds, and You put your earbuds in and started walking the block to the Heffley household. Your mind shifted to your previous interaction. How concerned Rodrick was being, he did care about you. and some times it felt like he loved you. you felt as if you could only dream.

---

You knocked on the door, the music was so loud already.

"Y/NNNN!" Rodrick dragged your name out, he took your hand and kissed your knuckles, "You do know this is casual, right?"

"Yes."

"Alright then. Get in here!" he pulled you in the house, there were lights, MCR's 'na na na" was blasting at full volume, and there were high-schoolers making out in random corners, someone had started a fistfight, and it seemed like it was more Rodrick's element than yours, but that was ok. And then you saw him.

Micha.

The boy who looked at you like a Piece of meat.

you grabbed Rodrick's sleeve, "Micha's here," You said desperately. He noted your concern, and looked around for the boy, "Hey," he said, grasping your arms, "It's gonna be fine! if he starts bothering you, just come find me and we can make out or some shit!" He looked you in the eyes and smiled, trying his hardest to reasure you.

"Thanks Rodrick," you said hugging him.

"Of course!"

-------

Rodrick had decided to be social, so you just wandered around the house, looking at the people you knew, and those you didn't. When you heard that terribly familiar voice.

"Hey y/n!"

Well fuck. you turned around, and sent a glare that could kill toward the boy.

"How's the party?" Micha said.

The sound of his voice made you want to yell. "Good." you said, not looking at him.

"I haven't talked to you in a while,"

"I know." you kept your answers short and half assed. Hoping he would get the memo.

He didn't.

Lucky for you, Rodrick had pardoned himself from his buddies chit chat, to make sure you were alright.

An arm looped around your shoulders, "Hi," the boy said "Uh, Micheal, was it?"

"Micha."

"Oh, sorry meesha,"

"That isn't even close to my name."

"Cool" you were never really religious, but you took the time to thank god for Rodrick. "Now, Mickey, can you not tell that you're making y/n uncomfortable?"

"I figured they would tell me if-"

"Micha, I don't like you." you said, voice laced with anger, "I never fucking have."

The boy just looked at you sadly and nodded before walking away.

"Rodrick, thank-" you were cut off by a rather agressive and passionate kiss.

"Y/n I love you. It's okay if you don't love me back but seeing you that uncomfortable made me want to tell you."

you could only stand there shocked. "I- Rodrick I" you stuttered, "I love you too. I always have and I really want to thank you for keeping me close!"

Just hearing those words made his heart melt and his confidence boost dramatically.

"I know this is my party, but" He tried, "Wanna blow this place?"

[mj-iza-writer]

Whumpee and Caretaker(s) visit Whumper’s grave, and while Caretaker(s) might not understand why Whumpee processes grief (and trauma) the way they do, they are there to support Whumpee through whatever they need, despite their own complicated feelings towards Whumper

@3-2-whump

Caretaker took a quick glance at Whumpee while they drove into the cemetery.

Whumpee cuddles a small bouquet of flowers closer and watches out the window.

Caretaker took in the visible scars that covered Whumpee's arms. They had just gotten a little more comfortable with showing their scars. Caretaker was so proud of them.

Caretaker sighed as they parked near the grave sight of the bastard who placed those scars on their Whumpee.

If it was up to Caretaker, Whumper would have been burnt to ashes and flushed down the toilet for what they had done. Unfortunately, Whumper's family made the funeral and burial arrangements. How they were able to live with the fact that the bastard had done horrible things to others and still give a proper burial was beyond Caretaker.

"Alright", Caretaker turned to Whumpee, "and you're sure you want to do this again? We can go get ice cream, or do something else even. We don't have to be here."

"I-I know, but I want to", Whumpee looked back at Caretaker, "i-is that okay?"

"Yes that is perfectly fine", Caretaker reassured, "I fully support anything you need to do for your recovery. Even if I fully do not like it, and will be honest on that. Your recovery is very important to me. If this helps you, then I will support you."

Whumpee smiles, "thankyou", they whisper.

Caretaker made their way to a nearby bench. It was close enough to watch over Whumpee, but they could stay out of the way.

Whumpee slowly walks to the grave. Caretaker always took in how cautious Whumpee was. Almost as though someone may jump out and startle them.

Whumpee stood at the foot of the grave for a few moments before kneeling down.

Caretaker wasn't close enough to hear what Whumpee said next. This is how it played out every time, like clock work.

After several moments, Whumpee would hold up the flowers as though they were offering them or showing them to someone. They would whisper one more thing before standing and placing the flowers at the head of the grave.

After a few more minutes, Whumpee would then walk back toward Caretaker.

Caretaker would then mumble something like, "Bastard", under their breath, then smile at Whumpee.

"Could we by chance get ice cream?", Whumpee smirked, "you said it, and now it sounds really good."

"We can get ice cream", Caretaker chuckled as they stood.

Whumpee enjoys their ice cream sundae on the park bench while Caretaker drinks a coffee.

"This tastes so good", Whumpee smiles.

"Yes the coffee is good as well", Caretaker agrees.

Caretaker studied Whumpee for a few moments before sighing.

"Are you okay?", Whumpee gives them a questioning look.

"I always tell myself what you do at the grave sight is up to you. It's none of my business, but I'm just curious why you want to go monthly to visit. Then also what you say", Caretaker paused, "you don't have to tell me, of course. Like I said, it's personal to you."

"Oh uh", Whumpee looked at Caretaker and smiled.

Caretaker frowned, "you don't have to tell me."

"No, it's fine. Just part of it is probably a little silly to most. Whumper was always afraid of death. It was their biggest fear. Though they were not nice to me, they deserve to have some sort of visitors. Plus, I can make sure the grave is still there. I can know for sure they haven't somehow came back to life. I know it's dumb, but it's a comfort to know they're dead and have proof of it. I always tell them that I brought flowers, then as I leave I beg them to stay there. For them to stay dead."

Caretaker smiled comfortingly, "I see, you use that as a reassurance that they are truly gone."

"Ymhmm", Whumpee nodded, "stupid, isn't it?"

"No, not at all", Caretaker chuckled lightly, "like I said. I fully support anything you need for your recovery. I fully assure you though. That bastard is dead."

"I know, and I might believe that....once they are gone from my nightmares at least."

Caretaker looked at Whumpee sadly, "I'm sorry you still dream about them."

Whumpee nodded, "thankyou so much. Also, thankyou for helping me. Your support for me has been so helpful."

"You're welcome", Caretaker smiled,"I'll always be here for you."

Caretaker watched as Whumpee took a few steps away to look at some baby ducklings swimming past. Their mind replayed those first few days after Whumpee's rescue. How traumatic it all was. The thing that kept them moving forward was the fact that their Whumpee survived it... all by themself.

Caretaker knew they would never experience what Whumpee had experienced, and they would work hard to make sure it never happened again.

That's why it hurt when they still had to visit that graveside.

Caretaker knew the bastard was dead. Caretaker killed Whumper themself. Unfortunately, the bastard still lived on and Caretaker had no way to quickly dispose of Whumpee's nightmares.

Caretaker just had to wait until the therapy started to work.

Caretaker whispered to themself, "only a matter of time. Everything will hopefully be back to normal. In a matter of time."

I am really sorry about the wait, I had a lot of requests come at me at once, and I got a little overwhelmed, so I needed a little creativity break. I know I'm apologizing a lot lately. So yeah. I really hope you enjoyed this story though. I will attempt to get the next two requests out for everyone. -MJ

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived

@sacredwrath @porschethemermaid

@monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz

@bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13

@notpeppermint @cyborg0109

@idontreallyexistyet @painfulplots

@whumpbump @everythingsscary

@skittles-the-whumpee @expressionless-fr

@theforeverdyingperson @legendarydelusiongoatee

@candleshopmenace @whumpanthems

@lavndvrr @ivymyers

@starfields08000 @a-living-canvas

@lumpofsand @watermeezer

@indigoviolet311 @whumpy-mountains

@3-2-whump @risk606

@electrons2006 @paperprinxe

@whumprince @kaz-of-crows

@mis-graves @decaffeinatedtimetraveler94

@sausages-things @ragin-cajun-fangirl

@isikedmyself878 @daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud

@valravnthefrenchie @glennemerald

@jasperthecapser @does-directions

@deafeninglittlecrown

[cheapshrimpysheep]

First Date - Savanaclaw

SUMMARY: What would your first date with him be like? I know first dates might not go so well, but let's pretend these are different. ;)

CHARACTERS: Leona Kingscholar; Jack Howl & Ruggie Bucchi

TAGS: Fluf; GN Reader; Flirting; Kissing

WARNING: Spoilers from Ruggie's Gala Couture Lines

WORD COUNT: An average of 630 words per character.

Heartslabyul / Savanaclaw / Octavinelle / Scarabia / Pomefiore / Ignihyde / Diasomnia

COMMENTS: Maybe I went slightly further on Leona's part. Don't worry, don't run away from fluf that much if you don't want to. Jack's and Ruggie's parts are cutest because they are cutest too.

I hope you enjoy ;)

Leona will never ask you out on a date out of free will. You have to be the one to tell him to do it! Why? Because for him to spend time with you in his room chilling and things like that are enough. Why take you to a restaurant if he can get someone to cook for you and bring you the food? Why take a walk in a park? Can't you guys just keep sleeping in his bed? So, the only way is if you annoy him enough.

“Herbivore! I'll pick you up at seven. Be ready.” he just told you, one day. You ask him where. “Didn't you want a date? So let's go out to dinner.” You smile but also raise an eyebrow, waiting for him to say a certain thing. “What? You were the one annoying me to go on a date and now you want me to pay too?”

“You were the one who invited me. And I don't know where we're going. Also you have more money than me by far.”

He sighs “Fine, fine, stop whining. I’ll pay.” He smirks “But you better behave. Oh, and make sure you wear something nice. They don't let anyone dressed sloppy in.” you look him up and down “For your information, I know better than you how to dress acceptable for some places.” he says with all his smugness. “You just need to dress a little formal, no need for fancy clothes.”

When you arrived at Ramshackle Dorm, there was a box waiting for you. You didn't need to look for clothes for the date, they were right there. When you open it, there were beautiful clothes, exactly the style you liked. Either a dress or a shirt and pants, depending on what you would prefer to receive. (He know, I don't) And matching shoes and accessories.

“I hope you don't make me for this.” you tell him when he arrives to pick you up. He smirks: “It's not the first time I've donated clothes to those most in need. Look at Ruggie.”

“I'm pretty sure these clothes don't fit you.”

“I never said I just donated my clothes. Now, are we going or not? We have time to be there, you know?”

It was a relatively expensive restaurant, with excellent cooks and food, beautiful decor, well dressed waiter. And Leona still insists on saying that he only did it so you would stop bothering him with a date? How stubbornly proud!

Tho, it was a different experience always be reminded that you were the date of the Prince of Sunset Savanna. The waiters sometimes treating him as "Prince Kingscholar" or even "your majesty". Every now and then you would notice people at other tables looking at the two of you and talking to each other.

“What?” he says when he notices your slight discomfort with the looks of others. “Don't tell me you're embarrassed to be dining with a prince.” He smirks, as always. “You know they're jealous of you, right?”

Despite the attention, dinner went very well. When it came time to pay, he didn't even look at the bill and simply paid with his card. And as you were leaving, he made sure to put his arm around your waist. To further instigate the murmur.

“You know” he says, with you two back in Ramshackle “when I pay for Ruggie's stuff, he reciprocates by doing some of my housework.” he lifts your cheese with one finger. “What are you going to do for this date?”

You can choose: do some of his housework like Ruggie OR grab Leona by the collar, kiss his lips and see where it leads and if in the end it's enough to pay off your "debt".

If he gets the opportunity, or waits for it, Jack will want to take you somewhere with snow. Since this is his natural habitat and this will allow him to have more ideas to make you happy.

If you like snowboarding or skiing: you'll have fun together, maybe even do some racing. If you're not too proud, he'll let you win a few times or try to finish the descent side by side with you.

If you don't know how to ski or snowboarding: he’ll happily offer to teach you. Do I need to say his tail is wagging like crazy? He is an extreme sports guy. But he'll go easy on you, respecting your time to learn. He is the type of tutor who will be proud of you for your efforts and progress. He just wants you to have fun, not to learn quickly.

If you get cold, he’ll always be ready to hug you or, in a critical case, give you his coat and take you somewhere warm. And that warm place could be a cafe with hot chocolate on the menu. Hot chocolate with marshmallow and whipped cream. Maybe those same marshmallows shaped as hearts, if the owner knows Jack and wants to mess with you two a little bit. If that happens he will blush.

When he notice, or you notice and point it out to him, that started snowing, he'll ask you if you’d like to go on a walk with him. Don't worry, it's not a hike, it's really just a stroll. He takes you to a park. The scenery was white and brown from the snow that covered the ground and the bare trees. If there is a lake, this one will be frozen over.

He’ll put one of his hands in his pocket, but the one next to you is out. And you two are very close to each other. You give him your hand and he reciprocates by intertwining his fingers with yours. He needs a few minutes to not turn completely red when he looks at you, like this next to him. He walks so that you are slightly ahead so his tail doesn't hit you as it swings.

The walk with Jack is pleasant, but maybe there will come a time when you want to make a snowman with him, for example. “Um? Really?” He does this with his younger siblings, but he still sees this as kind of a child's play. But if you show that you really want to do it, he will eventually give in to make you happy. And if you say you've never made one before, then he'll give in even faster.

After the two of you finish the snowman, you pretend to step back to enjoy the work you two did. And as soon as you find him distracted you throw him a snowball. “Oi!” he looks at you behind him. You laugh and he smirks. “Ha ha. So, you want to start a battle with a pro? I admire the courage!” Obviously he's not going to give it his all, he doesn't want to hurt you.

At some point you will hide behind some tree or bench. But when you get up again to throw him another snowball, you don't see him anymore. He appears behind you and hugs you trapping your arms. “Hey! That's cheating!” You say.

“According to my siblings all's fair in love and snowball war.” He tells you. All's fair in love, hum? He's not squeezing you too hard. So you manage to turn a little, your faces close enough for you to kiss his lips.

He was taken by surprise. And maybe that kiss won't last that long because you're in public. But when you go to a more private place...

Ruggie is broke. Probably as much as you. So he must have postponed your first date as long as he could until he could do something worthy of a date. And that is: a picnic. The only thing he has to pay for is food. One of the things he loves most. But he’ll still try to convince you to pay for half of the stuff. After all, the date is also yours.

He made the food. Because cooking is cheaper than buying ready-made food. Don't be surprised if when you meet him to go, he knows where, he has not one but two picnic baskets and asks you to carry one. He knows that he himself eats a lot, so he takes extra food to make sure there's enough food for both of you. Since he's not picky about food, to the point of eating anything, he only cooks things he knows you like. This way it will be good for both of you.

He will take you to a field surrounded by a sea of colourful flowers. If there are dandelions among the flowers, he’ll nibble on them. As soon as he finds a good spot that won't ruin any flowers he spreads out the picnic blanket and starts setting things up. Lucky for you he gave you a basket to carry. This way, you were able to slither inside a little something that you bought for him. But you'll leave that for later.

Despite how much he likes you, when he eats he only focuses on the food. So it's only in moments of break from eating that you two chat. As you two speak, he picks up one flower at a time and starts to intertwines them. You ask what he’s doing. “A Flower Crown. I used to make this to the neighborhood kids back in the slums. Do you want me to teach you how to make one?”

You end up making each other a Flower Crown while talking. Yours might be a little crooked if this is your first time making one. But he will love it anyway. You used a lot of dandelions to make his crown. And he used his favourite flowers and/or colours. The one he made for you was practically perfect.

“Don't be upset if I eat my crown. Shye hee hee.” He says seeing so many dandelions when you place the crown on his head. It ends up going around one ear, but it's not wide enough to go through the other. It's cute. He puts the one he made on your head. “Heh heh. Cute.” he comments. “Look who’s talking.” you answer.

“Are you still hungry?” you ask.

“What kind of question is that? I'm always hungry. The only thing able to make me full would be a banquet for three entire kingdoms. Shye hee hee.”

You put your hand inside the basket you carried and pull out a rectangular box. “Oh, I was just wondering when you were going to get me those donuts.” He says and you look at him. “Sorry, but you can't fool a beastman's nose. Awww, don't be sad. At least I waited until you took the box out.”

You open the box, still a little sad that you couldn't make it a surprise. He leans towards you, kisses your cheek affectionately and hugs you from the side, which was a trap in disguise. “Awww. The date was going so well. Don't be sad now. Come on... laugh with me.” De does not use his magic on you, instead he attacks you with tickles.

You, trying to escape his tickling, end up lying down and he lies down beside you. When he stops the tickling attack, this will be your opportunity to attack him with a kiss on his lips that are so close to yours.

If you would like to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

[theallianceofcelestials]

Sooo, yesterday's MASM episode, huh?

Why is Moonblock, Moonstone, whatever you wanna call him, the way he is? He doesn't make any sense! I'm not going to talk about anything they do in gaming videos, because that's just the VA's bullying eachother, like frinds do.

Pulling Sun along on their adventures as a way to try and bond, helping him (however reluctant that help may be) whenever Sunny goes to him for something, fixing him up during the night, while Sun is sleeping, knowing and making him his favourite cookies (once), wingmanned him a handful of times (the one where he told Sun, Roxy and Foxy to go get ice cream, which turned into the Roxy and Sun date episode, was very sweet of him) ect.

But then turning around, calling him mean names, yelling at him, hitting him, laughing and encouraging when others are jackasses to him (like when Bonnie hung him from the ceiling, and he was up there for days. crying.), joining in on when a child as a form of playing, wanted to stab him - and yeah, sure, he may be made of metal and plastic, so he would've been mostly fine if the kid stabbed him, but just like with the rabbit shooting him with fake bullets, that still hurts, - stabbing him just in general with a sword, blowing him up, letting others shove grass and weeds down his throat and jumping on him from higher and higher with more and more force (which actually could've seriously injured him. they're heavy machines, who were not made to whitstand other heavy machines jumping on them), hitting him and letting him be hit by others with a shopping cart, that half-assed apology in 'Sun Begins His VILLAIN ARC With Eclipse??!!' episode, which kind of sounded condescending if you ask me, basically going "Welp, I tried" when Sun still refused to go back "home", and all the other other sins the little space rock has, but we'd be here all night and I have to watch my bloodpressure.

He clearly wants to be friends with Sun, or at least wants to spend time with him, as I already mentioned. He wants to be close-ish with him. And he claims he likes him, just like how he likes everyone else in the Plex.

But that just feels like he said it, one so Sun wouldn't leave, and two so he doesn't have to directly tell him he likes him.

He sometimes acts almost exactly like the stereotypycal *giggling and kicking feet in the air* "My crush/bestest friend forever and meee <3", but in the most assholeish Karen way of "If A bOy PuLlS yOuR hAiR aNd Is BuLlYiNg YoU! ThAt MeAnS hE iS cRuShInG oN yOu!"

Like, "Oooh I'll write me and Sun's name together as the password🥰! But throw in someone else's name aswell, so if he ever finds out I can just say it's me and my two friends!!"

Make it make sense!

This post was meant to be about how the way everyone acted in yesterday's episode 'Sun Continues His VILLAIN ARC And Plans REVENGE...' felt heavily like it was backtracking. But I kind of got sidetracked with talking about the little space rock.

How "Yeah, I only was an ass to you and abused, so you would reach your literal breaking point, snap and go join Eclipse, so I could try and catch him. Proud of ya, or whatever I'm supposed to say, here's a plush... Still going to shoot you. Because why not." and "Ohh ya know, stabbing people is just Foxy's way of showing he loves you! Classic Foxy teehee!" just felt like some poor attempt at damage control. Same with suddenly everyone wanting to hang out with Sun, the one time he wanted to be left alone.

I'm not counting Freddy, his IQ is room temperature on good days, and I mean it in the nicest of ways. As nice as can be.

But why do suddenly everyone else want to hang out with Sun, like he's suddenly the most interesting of people. Though they're still hitting him with gokarts, insisting they need to look at something at the back of his head (a bump which may or may not have even been there), and when he rejected the idea of them looking at his head, clearly uncomfortable, they surrounded him, held him down, and forcibly checked his head and then fixed(?) it.

And then when he wanted to be alone again to cry, they still wouldn't leave him be. The rabbit actually wanted to watch.

In short, because I truly lost where I was going with this post and just started ranting, yesterday's episode felt like everyone attempting to backtrack a little, but falling back into the comfortable habits, the little space rock confuses me (what do you want?! do you want to be friends? do you want to hold hands with him in the most romantic of ways? do you just view him as a sentient punching bag?! do you just want to keep him around and fix him up, so he can do all the daycare stuff so you don't have to?!), I hate the rabbit so much, same with the gator and the fox, disappointed in the others, and Sunblock. Deserves. Justice.

[mysilaan]

Hellow, hope everything's good! I'm here to request some hcs for my boy, Thomas. 😎

I noticed something cute about him in these two episodes, and I wondered if you could write about it.

So, whenever he shows something of his interest or something he created (aka his coffee machine app/the VR set) to the Newcete, he looks so proud of himself and full of enthusiasm to share something he likes with her, it's just-- so cute!!! I imagine him having the proudest, stupidest smile on his face when she likes it as well. And they're bonding slowly, and it's just fills my soul with so much happiness! (i'm a slave for slow burns, can't help it)

Thank you! 💕😊

Hello Anon :) It has been tough for me recently but it’s getting better, thank you!

Now that’s a very good headcanon request… I’ve noticed it too and I found it very endearing⭐

(And yeah slow burns supremacy 😔)

__

THOMAS MCL NG HEADCANON PART.1🍒

⭐

You were having one of those comfortable sleeps where nothing in the world could get you out of bed, and you were having a pretty nice dream on top of that. Your eyes slowly opened, and you were hit with the feeling of forgetting something. Had your alarm already rung this morning? Your eyes flashed open and you took your phone on your nightstand to check the time. 08:53 am.  You were so doomed.  You leapt out of bed and grabbed the first pair of jeans and top you could find. Snatching your keys, you dashed out of the house without even grabbing a snack. Once at the bus stop, you took a look at when the next bus was passing by. “Five minutes… It should be fine.” You muttered to yourself. But the bus was late and you ended up waiting for ten long minutes…

Arriving at the building, you glanced at your phone screen: you were almost an hour late… You knew that Devon wouldn’t mind much, it wasn’t in your habits and he knew that. You searched your pockets and bag to find your badge but it seems to be nowhere to be found. “No, don't tell me…” Yes, you forgot it. You let out a frustrated noise while looking for the doorbell of the open space. But before you could do anything, a loud motor sound made you turn towards its source. Someone on a motorcycle had parked just in front of the building. Did this person work here? You were curious about their identity. You got your answer when the person removed their helmet-and it was none other than…“Thomas?!” His name slipped out of your mouth in a mix of surprise and confusion.  He tilted his head towards you with a raised eyebrow and you unconsciously moved towards him. “Weren’t you supposed to start at 8:30 this morning?” You were caught red handed. “Well… Hello to you too. I overslept.” He just nodded and turned his back to you to grab his stuff. “I didn’t know you were riding a motorbike.” “You never asked.” Of course he would say that. When he turned back towards you, ready to head inside, he seemed surprised to see you observing his motorcycle with such fascination. “That’s a pretty one. How long have you been riding it?” you asked. Were you seriously asking about his bike? He never thought it was something you were interested in. “I'd say about three years… It’s not my first one though.” “That’s so cool! The speed might be crazy on this one.” When you raised your gaze on his face; you noticed he was smiling, he almost seemed proud. That’s something you noticed before: his usual serious expression vanished when he talked about something he liked. It made you smile involuntarily. “It is. What’s great about this one is its tires-” You cut him mid-sentence without thinking. “Yeah, I heard they’re pretty light for this kind of motorcycle.” He looked at you, completely incredulous. “Did I say something wrong…?” “No… Do you ride one yourself?” You laughed. “I wish! But no, I’m just interested. My father was a MotoGP fan; looks like he passed on his passion to me.” “Wait, really?” “Yeah! You don’t believe me?” you teased. “No! It’s just that not many people are interested in it.” “Well… You found a comrade!” He simply nodded, smiling, his head full of things he’d like to talk to you about motorcycles, but reality interrupted. “We should go now, you’re already really late.” You gasped. How could you forget? You walked beside him, and he used his badge to get the both of you inside.

You had to stop by Devon’s office to apologize for being late. He, of course, accepted your apologies, but made it clear that he wouldn’t tolerate it if it became a habit-and that was only fair… Returning to your desk, which was just in front of Thomas’, the ginger-haired boy raised his head to catch your attention. “Is something the matter?” you asked. “No… I just wanted to know, since you seemed really interested… Would you like a motorcycle ride one day?” You thought your ears were playing tricks on you. “You mean… On your bike? With you…?” “Who else?” Now you were the one surprised. But you couldn’t refuse such an offer. “I’d be delighted!” Thomas nodded at your answer. “I don’t have a second helmet with me, but I can bring that tomorrow… If you want.” “Of course! Let me treat you with dinner as a thank you then.” “If you really want to.” You smiled while sitting back on your chair, satisfied. You couldn’t help but steal a glance at your colleague who seemed pretty content too. You were already imagining it-a ride on this amazing motorcycle (maybe not at full speed, for obvious reasons), the wind all around you, a delicious dinner… And Thomas’ company. You almost slapped your face when you realized what you were thinking about. You quickly started working, not allowing your thoughts to drift any further. You couldn’t wait for tomorrow evening…

[naranjapetrificada]

Thinking this midday about ofmd AUs and what it means for someone to be "out of character". I've talked about this here at length before, but today I'm thinking about a different aspect of it. Namely that I wish people thought more about their goals when writing and recalibrated their relationships with canon as a concept.

We all know by now how contentious a certain late first mate (what is the opposite of "qepd" lol) is. When writing him in fic, some people seem to have this (inexplicable to me) urge to show him behaving in ways that the canon version of him would hate (outwardly nice, polite, kind, open, etc). And while not everyone is open to direct feedback about their writing, I've seen discussions a handful of times in ao3 comments and more commonly over here between readers about how in or out character potrayals of him are, and something occured to me today.

When there are opposing sides on the core question of whether or not a portrayal is in or out of character (vs people who agree on that question but may have quibbles about the reasons why they came to their conclusion), the sides tend to be "here's why this was in character" and "here's why this isn't in character". And while that gap will always exist because there are as many readings of a text as there are readers, there's a reason the concepts of "canonical" and "non-canonical" exist. There are things that are canon and things that are not and there is disagreement about which things are which but like it or not, there are some people that are more correct about canonicity.

The thing about fan works is that people should always create what they want, and will do so according to their interpretations of source material, and the question of being in or out of character should, at the end of the day, come down to your goals. We all have more goals in our creative work beyond "finish" or "do it well" and we may not consciously consider them, but they're always there. Those "alternate" goals may be different from work to work, but they exist are influenced by our experiences and inspirations and aren't ever going to be 100% impartial or canon-aligned, because the former would be boring as hell and the latter is neither possible nor desired in what's supposed to be a transformative work.

Everyone who creates anything wants it to be "good", but measures of quality can change from work to work the way goals can. For many writers, how "true" their characterization feels can be one of those quality measures that relate to their goals. Probably in most cases tbh, and especially in AUs. But it isn't always part of the equation because other writers have other goals, and it's usually pretty obvious when those goals haven't been examined.

Some of y'all think Con O'Neill/Izzy Hands is hot, and just wany to imagine his character in various sexual situations with other characters you find attractive (or at least narrative useful) in some way and you know what? That's perfectly fine, and despite not comprehending that impulse at all I understand the importance of creative freedom in fandom enough to want people who write that to write it without hesitation. In these cases we often just tell people to be "proud villainfuckers" which is easy, straightforward, and usually has less contentious discourse around it.

But some of y'all find Izzy to be the most sympathetic character in the series, and while I have enough of the acquired (and healthy) suspicion as a black person who has spent decades in fandom spaces to not want to touch that tendency with a 10 foot pole, those same decades of fandom experience make me understand that there will always be people who glom onto antagonists and secondary characters like that. Even when if I wonder about the motivations behind such an inclination, I understand that y'all are usually part of the ecosystem too.

But the thing is: if you're motivated to write Izzy as outwardly nice or kind or as some kind of hero vs the antagonist he canonically is, or gravitate toward reading those kinds of portrayals, why argue with people about what is or isn't in character? If something in you is drawn toward that kind of Izzy and wants to sympathize with him, why not just own it? There's no easy "villainfucker" way of making peace with this though because it's much more likely to make you want to think about individual morality.

No one who is partial to Izzy wants to be called racist or femme-phobic etc, and I'm not here (on this post at least) to litigate whether or not those accusations would be fair or not (although my opinions are probably obvious). But isn't it exhausting to have to put canon through so many refractions so you can insist that what you like seeing and/or writing is canonical? I understand that being able to point to canon can make it feel easier to stand by your preferences, but is all the bending over backwards to make it fit worth it? What if you could just acknowledge if your goal is to persuade others to see him the same way you do, or see him getting cared for, or whatever else you get out of it? I wish more of y'all had the courage of your convictions and were willing to just say "I like seeing Izzy this way" or "I sympathize with Izzy" because you would probably be having more fun.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

I hope I'm not being rude, this ask also isn't intended as a call out for anyone. As much as I'll be happy if you'd willing to answer, if my ask somehow make you uncomfortable, please feel free to ignore it.

Here's my question :

I've been seeing many post saying that Adrien end up being Marinette' trophy boyfriend instead of proper boyfriend and at the end of the final, Marinette's fight against Gabriel isn't just simply good vs evil rather it's a fight of Adrien's "ownership" so to speak.

I want to ask your opinion about it, especially about the former. I'm personally conflicted about the trophy boyfriend thing because the urban dictionary define it as "A boyfriend that a girl is proud of being with." Which more like what Chloe did at s1, but at the same time it does feel fitting in a way since Marinette do get Adrrien as a trophy for "winning" against Gabriel. Either way it just feels like an objectification and it doesn't seems like something good to show in a show with kids as the target audience, yet I do feels like Marinette's love for Adrien is so shallow that her objectified him like that just make senses for her character.

So, what do you think?

You're not being rude at all! As long as an ask doesn't use names or otherwise make it easy to find the source of the question, I'm cool with it. I don't even mind if it's something uncomfortable, though I will do my best to state my expertise (or lack there of) on those. I think it's really important to be willing to acknowledge your ignorance. No one can know or even be informed on everything.

On to the question.

To start, let's actually define "trophy boyfriend" because the definition you gave - a boyfriend that a girl is proud of being with - is not the one that I would use. It's way too kind!

"Trophy boyfriend" is just a male variant of the term "trophy wife" or "trophy girlfriend." I'm gonna be a little lazy here and just have wikipedia define that one for me as their definition accurately reflects the way this terms is generally used:

A trophy wife is a wife who is regarded as a status symbol for the husband. The term is often used in a derogatory or disparaging way, implying that the wife in question has little personal merit besides her physical attractiveness, requires substantial expense for maintaining her appearance, is often unintelligent or unsophisticated, does very little of substance beyond remaining attractive, and is in some ways synonymous with the term gold digger.

When someone calls Adrien a "trophy boyfriend," they're saying that he's just there to be Marinette's pretty arm candy who supports her unconditionally while requiring nothing from her. A fully one way relationship that's all take and no give.

Unfortunately, canon does seem to be going this way.

Season five was the season which saw Gabriel's slow, agonizing death and final... defeat is too strong a word, so let's just go with reveal. It also saw the end of any hope for Emilie to be revived, assuming that wasn't her at the end, which does seem to be the case. We also saw Nathalie slowly wasting away, triggering all of Adrien's trauma from losing his mother. In other words, this season was all about Adrien losing or fearing the loss of every adult that he has ever loved, none of whom he even got to say "goodbye" to even though they all knew that they were dying.

So it makes perfect sense that Adrienette's big couple conflict was Marinette getting over her trauma and being able to tell Adrien that she loved him! She was absolutely the one who needed unconditional love and support this season and it was so nice to see Adrien giving that to her by laying his own needs to the side since he knew that she needed more support right now.

To be clear, that was sarcasm.

Marinette was an awful, selfish girlfriend this season. Yes, she doesn't know the full extent of what's going on until we get to the final, but in Passion (S5E6) we get this:

Adrien: Marinette? Marinette: Adri-mine! I mean, Adri-fine! No! I mean, you're not mine and you're not fine, I mean, you are fine. (gasps) Adrien, is something wrong? Adrien: No, no, everything's fine... no, everything's not fine. Not fine at all. Somebody I care about is sick and... there's nothing I can do. I feel completely hopeless.

Gabriel then akumatizes Nathalie, leading to a fight that ends with Marinette seeing just how sick Nathalie is. All this means that, by the end of Passion, Marinette is fully aware that Adrien is really struggling with Nathalie's condition and just how bad Nathalie's condition, so it makes perfect sense that the episode ends with Marinette and Alya talking about... how thirsty Marinette is for Chat Noir.

Marinette: You should've seen him! He was so... (growls like a cat) in his cute red suit with black spots. Can you believe it? I asked him out to the movies and I didn't even stammer! True, the timing was bad, but still, everything is so easy with Cat Noir, I can tell him everything I never had the courage to tell Adrien.

Marinette, sweetie, I know that you're going through some stuff, but you're better than this! You've always been shown to care about others! I just don't believe that you wouldn't at least comment on how sick Nathalie is, which really is all that this scene needs because I don't expect Marinette to have no wants or needs outside of supporting Adrien anymore than I expect the opposite.

Marinette can thirst all she wants, especially since she's not dating Adrien yet. Just let her acknowledge that this is who Adrien must have been talking about earlier! Instead, she says nothing, forgetting about Adrien's struggles and not informing his other friends of what's going on, leaving Adrien to basically suffer alone as the Nathalie issue will continue to come up on his end, but he never again reaches out for support from others.

Remember how the NYC special saw Marinette and co protesting Adrien not being allowed to go on a school field trip? And how The Bubbler saw Nino trying to organize a birthday party for his best bro? And how Reverser saw Marinette pairing up Marc and Nathaniel into the dream comic book team? You ever look back on all that and wonder what happened to these characters wanting to love and support each other, even if their attempts where sometimes a little misguided?

Ever since the start of season four, loving and supporting each other has gone out the window. If it's not about shipping Adrienette, then no one cares even though Adrienette was totally one sided for most of the show. First it was only on Marinette, then it was only on Adrien, and it only became mutual in the episode where they... got together? Kind of? Seriously, when did they actually start dating? The second half of Kwami's choice sees Marinette say this:

Alya: Then, how did we go from “I’m pathetic and I’ll never love again” to “Yay! I’m going out with Adrien”? Marinette: I’m not going out with Adrien…

But then the very next episode starts with Chat Noir talking about his girlfriend! When did that transition occur? For a season that's all about Adrienette getting together, it's kinda funny that we never technically see them get together. It's also kinda sad that them getting together was the result of Adrien once again not taking Marinette's "no" at face value... I know it's a romcom trope, but writers, please, can we not use it in stuff aimed at little kids? Plus haven't we mostly agreed that it's a bad, lazy, overused trope? Does anyone actually like it?

This is getting long, so I'll just give some final thoughts and call it a day.

A relationship starting off of shallow feelings is totally fine and normal. Outside of your family, that's how most relationships start. You meet someone with similar interest or whose vibes you like or who is taking the same class as you. You start talking and get to know each other, which can lead to a deeper relationship in the form of a friendship or a romance, which is basically a friendship with bonus features.

The issue with the love square is that the writers are absolutely botching the "deepening relationship" part of the equation. They're not letting Marinette support Adrien or learn about his struggles or even acknowledge the struggles that she does know about, which makes her come across as ridiculously selfish, a terrible lead in to a final where she now has knowledge that could destroy him. Most of the audience doesn't trust her to tell him about this knowledge because of course they don't!

As always, I lay the blame for this at the feet of the writers because so much of Marinette's bad behavior and issues make no sense when we look at her previous writing. She's never been the best at emotional intelligence, but she has always tried to help others, a thing that the show somehow acknowledges during her fight with Gabriel, leading to his win, but doesn't in acknowledge in Marinette's own romantic relationship. Of course, that would require the writers to see Marinette's season five behavior as a flaw and I don't think that they do, which is why I blame them and not her. I have no issue writing her - or reading things that write her - as better than this.

[makoodles]

all of these asks have got me so confused with how i would like to see sex education continue if you made a part 2 so i can't imagine how YOU must be feeling girl LMAO

but i just loved the cultural misunderstandings in some of your other fics and it just made me think of them in the context of sex education especially with all these great asks

like jake hasn't been holding out on you for years, he's deeply committed to you and neytiri so what do you mean, you're interested in someone else, you're already spoken for

sure neytiri and him have been letting you take the reigns and keeping things slow but you're theirs come on

everyone in the village knows you're their mate, you smell like them, they just haven't had sex which is totally fine! maybe you don't see them that way, it's not like you've made any overtures about them sexually. but you still love them and they're you're partners

and they hear that you're interested in other na"vi men, like Ola’netu and they're just lost, because well if you were finally wanting to experiment with the na'vi you sure as hell aren't doing it with anyone other than you're mates

but oblivious reader just thinks they're being nice when jake let's her experience um na'vi anatomy so when Ola’netu keeps showing interest, well she's not gonna miss the chance at something real

but when she tells jake and neytiri that she wants something serious not just casual sex, they're just what do you mean, we've been dating you for like six years?

lolll so sorry brainrot i just love this trope where one side is so so so oblivious they don't think the other could ever like them like they just treat me great bc theyre nice, but the other side is madly in love with them and treats them like that bc they think they've been in a committed relationship LMAO

okay but literally ahahaha i'm honestly still a little confused but trying not to think about it too much! i think i'm gonna go with the way i was originally planning it!

but YESSSSS alien cultural misunderstandings are my lifeblood! i also LOVE the idea of jake and reader both being so fucking oblivious. himbo jake being so incredibly proud of his two beautiful mates that he never actually thinks too hard about the situation - it would never occur to him that this is something he needs to talk to you about. it's just normal for the two of you. it's obvious that you're together, right?

neytiri just assumes she's getting a two for one deal on mates too, so she's content to let jake take the reigns when it comes to approaching you. it seems, for years, that you're just not interested in sexual intimacy, and that's fine! there are other forms of intimacy; sitting in laps, grooming, cooking for each other, sleeping in shared spaces, spending quality time together.

but imagine their absolute bewilderment when they find out that you are craving sexual intimacy, and are especially fascinated in the na'vi body. obviously jake leaps at the chance to showcase the na'vi anatomy to you, he's certain that's going to solve all that pesky confusion. when it doesn't work, they're more confused than ever

however bewildered jake and neytiri are, imagine how you react to finding out that you've been married to them for years

[catoslvt]

Ethan Landry x Reader

musical theatre lovers ofc!

you're rehersing 'Someone Gets Hurt' from Mean Girls the Musical in preparation for your schools Musical and then a time skip to a dress rehearsal.

Chad and Tara get to watch because they're working on the set or something idk..

He's not ghostface**

"No, Tara, I'm actually terrified." I tell her as I pull on my shoes, quickly doing up the laces.

"Why? You're only singing, then kissing and then singing again. It's no big deal." She states and I shake my head.

"It's more than that!" I gasp and she scoffs.

"You know I like him!" I exclaim, and she laughs, clearly not understanding why I'm so nervous.

"Then use it to your advantage, make as many mistakes as you can so you can redo it over and over." She tells me with a serious but joking tone.

"I can't do that. He'll know something is up." I argue, and she sighs and throws her arms around.

"Well, I'll be there watching, so I'll just keep shouting to retry the kiss or something. You got this, trust me, ethan is head over heels for you." Tara states.

Ethan and I stand on the stage watching Tara and Chad, who both walk to the back row of the audience and find seats before flashing us a thumbs up.

"Can you hear me?" I call being quite loud, forgetting about my microphone.

"Yep, perfect!" Tara screams.

"Do you have the backing track on your phone?" I ask ethan, and he fumbles into his trouser pocket and pulls out his phone, his hands are clearly shaking.

Good, hopefully he's as nervous as I am.

"For the kiss, don't be scared to do it over the top, Tara and Chad won't be able to see it as well as the people down the front row would." He says as he presses play on the backing track, not giving me time to register what he just said.

The first part of the song goes amazingly, I remember all the blocking, doing it the best that i can without the other people on the stage and don't ever miss timings, but it's when the kissing part nears closer that the nerves fill my body.

I now stand facing Ethan directly, but our bodies are facing the audience more than facing each other.

"It's fine for you, it's fine to flirt." I sing as I take a step closer to Ethan, his eyes not leaving mine.

"And God, you're hot. Why do you even wear a shirt?" I continue to sing as I grab his shirt and pull him closer to me.

"No, it's fine." We now both sing, his voice harmonising with mine almost perfectly.

"Damn, you're fine." He goes onto sing, one of his hands falling onto my shoulder.

"Damn, you're fine." I sing, taking another slight step closer to him as I stare up at him, were both turning pink, probably just nerves, though.

"And it's fine." We both sing, our voices really so sound nice together.

Okay this is it.

"Till someone gets -" I sing before wrapping my arms around ethans neck and pulling his face down towards mine, our lips instantly meeting in a kiss, that he deepens as he wraps his arms around my waist.

We continue this making out for another ten seconds before I pull away almost missing my next cue.

"Till someone gets hurt." I sing facing ethan.

"Till someone gets hurt." I then sing, facing the audience which only consists of Chad and Tara who are both looking equally as gobsmacked as each other, and then the music fades.

"Holy shit!" Tara screams as she stands up from her seat and makes her way down the middle aisle, giggling and clapping.

"That was so good!" Chad yells as he follows Tara, but he's not giggling or clapping. He just looks insanely proud.

"Any bad comments?" Ethan asks with a nervous laugh from beside me.

"The kiss." Chad and Tara say in usion, and I burst out laughing.

"It was too awkward! Your characters are exs, meaning they've kissed like that tons of times before." Tara tells us as she takes a seat in the front row.

"That doesn't help us make the kiss less awkward." I argue shooting her a small smile, but I try to hide it from ethan.

"Just pretend you are together in real life." Chad says, and as I look at him, I see him wink at Ethan.

"It's not that easy-" Ethan goes to argue.

"Just try it! From the line before the kiss." Tara yells, and ethan grabs his phone from the floor and plays about with the backing track until it's like thirty seconds before the kiss and we get in our places.

"Till someone gets -" I sing, and this time, Ethan pulls me in closer towards him first, his lips instantly meeting mine before I wrap my arms around his neck, one of my hands making their way to his hair, the kiss deepens and before I get carried away I pull away and sing the last two lines.

"I like Ethan starting the kiss more." Chad says, pointing at us, and Tara nods her head in agreement.

"Any homework? I've got Econ in ten minutes." Ethan says as he grabs his phone and checks the time.

"Yeah, you two need to get used to kissing each other." Tara says, trying to stop her laughs.

"Get behind the curtain and start practicing." She then adds and ethan and I both look at her in shock.

"She's not joking. Move." Chad announces, and I quickly walk off the stage, heading backstage whilst laughing.

"That was.. awkward." Ethan sighs and I nod.

"Kinda funny, though." I add and then he nods.

"We sounded really good together, though. You're such a great singer, I mean, I didn't even know you sung until we all got cast." Ethan tells me and I smile proudly.

"I told Tara I had auditioned for Regina, and she told me you were auditioning for Aaron, and I thought she was lying, I mean no offence but you're so shy, I wouldn't have thought theatre was your thing." I admit, and he laughs nervously before looking down at his phone.

"I need to go, I have Econ." Ethan reminds me, and I take a second to process what I'm about to say before I blurt it out.

"Quick kiss practice before you go?" I blurt, and ethans eyes widen slightly, but he shrugs and steps closer to me, this kiss is much shorter than the one on the stage because he needs to go, but it's still a kiss.

"See you at next rehearsal." I call as he speedwalks away.

Dress Rehersal

"Is everyone in their positions!?" Miss Higgins, my theatre teacher yells from the audience and everyone who is on the stage, including ethan, and I all shout yes.

"This will be our last rehearsal of the night, shows in one week, guys, but don't stress, you've all got this!" She continues to yell.

"Break a leg!" Tara screams from the back row, and we all have a small laugh before the song starts.

This is much better. Everyone who's on the stage remembers their blocking and the timings of their movements and its a smooth run.

"It's fine for you. It's fine to flirt." I sing as I circle around Ethan, eyeing him up and down.

"And God, you're hot!" I continue to sing as I now stop in front of him.

"Why do you even wear a shirt?" I sing as I grab at his sports Jersey.

"No, it's fine." We both go onto harmonise, our voices blending as well as my favourite smoothie.

"Damn, you're fine." Ethan sings with a smile as he cups my face with his hand.

"Damn, you're fine." I sing back, my hand reaching up and grabbing his shoulder.

"And it's fine." We both sing, closing the gap between us.

"Till someone gets -" I sing as ethan cuts me off, pressing his lips against mine as my arms wrap around his neck and both of his hands cup my face, we stay in this position, deepening the kiss until I pull away.

"Till someone gets hurt." I sing looking at Cadys actor Becky.

"Till someone gets hurt." I then belt, looking at the audience (Tara, Chad, and Miss Higgins), who are all clapping, until Chad and Tara begin pointing at where Ethan was previously standing so I turn to the side confused but that's when I see everyone who is in the background of this song holding signs.

"What?" I ask quietly because all the signs are backwards, so I can't see what they say.

"You can turn them now." Ethan says from behind me, and they all start turning the signs around.

Will

You

Be

My (Ethan)

Girlfriend? (Y/n)

I gasp as I read what the signs spell out and turn around to face Ethan, who has a bouquet of flowers in his hand and the biggest smile on his face.

"Yes!" I scream.

[sevicia]

Everything feels so unfair. My face makes me queasy even beyond surface level looks, I can think I look alright sometimes but it still feels like something I should break, and I have such a deep NEED to double myself and destroy my own body as much as possible for as long as possible. I need to tear it down but it's not just feeling ugly by aesthetics alone anymore. I've realized I could be the most beautiful person in the world and the need would still be there. There's something so disgusting about "me" that sometimes all I can think about is pushing him down and slamming his head into the ground over and over and over again, stomp on his throat, pull my fingers until they pop I feel so violent I need to see his skull break and his brain splattered accross the concrete. I don't know how to describe it anymore. It doesn't FEEL like the traditional version of self hatred everyone else seems to go through (more or less), I know there's things I'm good at and I don't punish myself for making mistakes so much anymore, I feel happy and proud when I accomplish things but there's always this repulsion and it won't go away. It's like my core is rotten and it keeps rotting and rotting and there's nothing I can do about it because it just won't DIE already. All I want is to wake up as someone else. I hate how small my body is and I hate knowing this will never change. I'm trapped here forever no matter what I do. It feels like a house with no exit and the only other person here makes me want to vomit and there's nothing I can do about it. I'll always be small. What am I supposed to even do here? When I was starving myself all those years ago I would try to lie in my own head and tell myself it was about having less curves, but I knew it never had anything to do with how I looked. I just wanted to die painfully and slowly. I wanted to torture myself. I knew I was messing up my growth and my attitude towards eating for years to come and it just made me want to keep going. All I want is to make him suffer for as long as possible. It's so complicated when it's just me in the end. I hurt him because he makes my skin crawl, then it hits me and I hate that version of myself for doing this to us and I need to know he's in pain, in a constant state of misery no matter how intense just always in the back of his mind. But rationally I know I've done nothing that warrants this kind of punishment. I've never hurt anyone beyond arguments that get resolved shortly after. I don't insult people to their face and I only ever do it in posts/while talking to friends when I know they're in the wrong for punctual things. The only time I've hit other people was as a kid and always in retaliation. What did I do wrong? Have I ever done anything at all? Most of my life has been spent curled up in bed. I just don't understand how this need to suffer could ever get so strong. I can't explain it. My very being feels wrong and ugly and disgusting. I wish I'd never been born at all. I'm pretty content with my life. There's lots of things I look forward to. I don't want to die. I want to be erased completely, from everyone's memory and from every record and statistic that's ever held me, like I never even existed in the first place. People like me in general and are nice to me. I've been told it's impossible to stay mad at me for long. I've been told I'm lovable without trying. I can't understand how or why but I feel the nagging desire to find out left me a long long long time ago. I can't think anymore, I can feel myself falling asleep already I wrote so much. I just can't understand WHY I have such a strong urge to destroy myself. I'll wake up just fine in the morning.

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1200: Auntie Anna & I (Tekken)

1:18 p.m. Smith Coffee, Urban City........

Steve: So you were both late for registrations AND your motorcycle got broken afterwards? (Chuckles Lightly) Oho man! Lei wasn't kidding when he said you two are most unluckiest men on the face of this globe. (Takes a Sip of Tea He Order) Mm.

Paul: (Scoffs While Rolling his Eyes in Annoyance) Of course the Boyscout of all Cops would say something like that. We would've gotten there a lot sooner if I didn't had to look after-(Glares at his Best Friend, Marshall Law, Sitting Right Next to Him) SOMEONE knocked out sleep the entire time!!

Marshall: (Rolls his Eyes at Paul) Well, excuse me for getting sent flying towards a nearby wall by that "Universal Power Fist" of yours. ('Sigh') I swear, it's like you forgot how hold your own punches or something.

Paul: Hey, I can hold them off just fine, thank you very much! (Turns Away While Crossing his Arms) Ain't my fault you couldn't take a proper beating from your old pal Paul

Marshall: (Glares at Paul) Considering the wall you broke cost thousands of dollars to pay off, I am more than contempt in saying that it was definitely YOUR fault, old pal!

Steve: Gentlemen, gentlemen, calm yourselves. This is a day of rest and relaxation out in the sun, not to start a street bout. (Takes Out his Check Book From his Pocket) Just tell me how much the wall cost and I'll pay it off for you before you know.

Marshall: (Gives Steve a Sheepish, But Reassuring Smile) Thanks, Steve, but that.....REALLY won't be necessary. I'm already started paying for the property damages as we speak.

Paul: ('Heh') More like ALREADY paid off! (Points at Himself with a Proud Smirk on his Face) Courtesy of yours truly, of course.

Marshall: Wait. (Turns to Paul) You helped pay the damages, Paul?

Paul: (Happily Nodded) Indeed I did. Ain't no way I was gonna let one of my bros do it all alone, ya know?

Marshall: (Taken a Bit Aback by Paul's Help) Wow....Thanks, Paul. (Smirks Back) Guess you're not much of a lazy bum than I thought you were.

Paul: Don't mention it- H-Hey! (Starts Glaring at Law Again) Who the hell are you calling a lazy bum, chump!?

Marshall: Do I really need to explain all the time you crash into our home unannounced? For free?

Paul: Hey, I don't just come and crash in, you know? You forgetting the fact I helped raise Forrest when he was a little squirt?

Marshall: Never. And I will always be thankful for that. But will it KILL you to help around the house and restaurant sometime? Huh?

Paul: Well, I wouldn't mind helping ya if i didn't have a schedule in my own hands to fulfill. I have places to be, things to do!

Marshall: Riding around in your motorcycle and picking fights with aliens and bears aren't even close to being productive activities!

Paul: They're all better than being cooped up in a kitchen all day! And the ride's name is Charlotte. Get it right next time, yeah?

Marshall: Why would you name your motorcycle to begin with?

Paul: CAUSE I CAN DAMNIT!!

Steve: (Chuckles Lightly Some More at his Two Pals) I swear, you two are a bunch of riots.

????: Oh Stevie Dear!~ Yoohooo!~

Steve: (Snickers a Bit While Recognizes a Feminine Voice Strolling Her Way to His Table) And speaking of riots.....(Turns Around and Greets a Woman with Short Hair, Wearing a Fashionable White Attire) Hey there-

Paul/Marshall: (Eyes Widened in Complete Shock at a Very Familiar Face) ANNA WILLIAMS!?

The duo quickly get themselves up from their seats and form their respective fighting stance directly towards the lady in question.

Paul: Careful, Steve.

Marshall: That woman you're talking to is a highly skilled assassin!!

Anna: (Gives the Two Men in Front of Her a Deadpinned Look on her Face) Nice to see you, boys. (Smirks at Paul in Particular) I almost didn't recognize you with that stupid looking hairstyle of yours, Phoenix.

Paul: Hey! (Angrily Cracks Both of his Knuckles One by One) My personal hairstylist says this style is very fashionable in this time of year, you judgemental snake!

Steve: ('Sigh') Okay, seriously, can you guys not have a street brawl against my very own aunt in board day like please?

Marshall: Steve, how else are we gonna- Wait.

Paul/Marshall: AUNT!?

Anna: (Rolls her Eyes) About times you bafoons figured it out......

Steve: (Gives his Aunt a Soft Glare) Auntie.

Anna: (Turns to Steve With a Little More of an Immature, Whiny Look) What? I was only being honest!

Steve: There's a time and place for that.

Anna: ('Sighs in Defeat') And now is neither one, I knoooow......(Turns Back to Paul and Marshall) To answer your question, yes, I am the biological aunt of Steve Fox. (Happily Hugs her One and Only Nephew) And I love and adore my baby boy so very, very much!~ (Starts Kissing on Steve's Cheek)

Steve: (Chuckles Ticklishly) Auntie, please, I'm not an infant anymore~ And must you do this now? In front of my friends?

Anna: Yes, I do!~ I finally get to spend the day with you today and I am going to savor every moment of this, got it?

Steve: Loud and clear. (Turns Back to his Pals) Sorry about her, Gents. She never wasted a moment to give me hugs and kisses. Biggest softie in the entire globe, I'll tell you what.

Anna: (Playfully Pouts at Steve) Steve!~ Those two didn't need to know about any of that!

Steve: (Playfully Shrugs at his Auntie) Oops.

Paul: (Starts Snickering at Anna Along with Marshall) Is that so?

Marshall: And here we were panicking over nothing.

Paul: (Smirks at Ann Again) Over Little Miss Auntie Anna nonetheless~

Anna flips both the laughing men off before Steve slowly lowers her middle finger down, gently patting her knuckles to help calm her down a bit.

Marshall: (Stops Laughing For a Minute) Hang on. So, if you're his aunt, wouldn't that make-

Anna: Nina Williams his mother? Yes, it does. (Crosses her Arms While Glarong at that Important Fact) Not like she ever cares about him to begin with.

Paul: (Immediately Stops Laughing With a Surprised Look on his Face) Wait, seriously?

Steve: (Simply Nodded) It's true. I met her face-to-face back in Rome a while back. She denied the fact of us being related and said I was a thorn of her side before we parted ways.

Paul: (Couldn't Believe What he Heard) Oh man.......

Marshall: (Frowns For his Friend) I'm sorry, Steve.....

Steve: (Shrugs) It's fine. I can tell just by the look in her eyes that she has no interest in having me be a part in her life. ('Sigh') It's a shame, but.....Life continues to go on I suppose.

Steve felt Anna gently grab hold of his hand, giving him a sad, yet sympthic look under a glamrous, expensive shades she's wearing, before smiling softly at her, silently thanking her for the support.

Paul: So how did you guys ended up meeting then?

Marshall: Did you roped Steve in with one of your assassination adventures or something?

Anna: Yeah, something like that. I was originally tasked on assassinating him until I dug up his and Nina files, finding out that she was his mother and I'm his aunt. So rather than going through with the ordeal, I made the preparations to us to meet in person in an undisclosed location and eventually started bonding from there.

Steve: It took us a while to trust one another completely, but overtime, during our life threatening hijinks, we started to open up to one another, slowly enjoying and appericating each other's company the more we worked together as a team.

Anna: ('Sighs in Pure Relief') And I cannot tell you how happy I was when we started to get along. (Takes her Shades Off, Recealing a Sadder Look in her Eyes) Life hasn't.....really gotten easy for me in recent years, with the love of my life getting gunned down in our wedding. Right in front of me nonetheless.......

Marshall: (Eyes Widened in Complete Horror) Christ.......

Paul: (Bows His Head Down to Anna Along with Marshall) You have our condolences.

Anna: (Simply Nodded to the Duo) Thank you. He was the love if my life, practically the best friend I never had in my whole life. So it's hard for me to move on from him completely. But I will be damned if I'm gonna let this unfortunate tragedy wear me down forever. I may gotten a lot older, but I still have a young, rich life ahead of me right now and I don't attend on leaving this crazy world just yet. (Gently Squeezes Steve's Hand as She Turns Back to Him With a Sincere Smile) Especially now that I have something very precious to me I have to protect.

Steve: (Smiles Back at his Aunt) I appreciate the lookout, Auntie Anna. But you do know I could look after myself just fine, right?

Anna: ('Groans a Bit') Of course I know that! (Turns Away While Pouting Again) But would it kill you to let me help you out for once? We're a team, remember?

Steve: (Stares at Anna For a Brief Second Before Smiling Again) Yeah. We are. (Wraps One Arm Around his Aunt's Shoulder) Always.

Anna's heart begins to melt in genuine happiness as she hugs her one and only nephew back.....Right up until her phone starts buzzing in her purse, taking it out and reading the message given to her before letting out another groan.

Anna: ('Uggh') Again with this?

Steve: Duty calls?

Anna: Yup. Apparently the target my clients were looking for just so happens to stumbled his way around the other side of the city.

Steve: (Raises an Eyebrow in a Bit of Confusion) And they ask you go and find?

Anna: Yeah. Right on my day off too. (Starts Pouting Yet Again) And I was really looking forward for us to spend the rest the day together too......

Steve: (Gives Anna a Reassuring Smile) We'll have plenty of opportunities to hang out some other time. Unless you want me to help you out in anyway?

Anna: ('Sighs in Defeat') No. I got this. The last thing I want to do is potentially ruin your boxing career with my profession. But I promise I'll see you again later this evening.

Steve: (Gives Anna Another Hug) Take all the time you need to get that job of yours finish and be safe about it. I love you.

Anna: (Happily Hugs Steve Back) I love you more~ Keep having yourself a good time out here without me, okay? (Turns Back to the Duo) Phoenix, Law, it was nice seeing you two again. Try staying out of trouble this time, yeah?

Paul/Marshall: (Comically Glares at the Woman) LOOK WHO'S TALKING!!!

Anna: (Giggles Softly) Kidding, kidding. You two take it easy or whatever. I'm off. (Gives Steve a Kiss on the Cheek Before Walking Off and Waving Goodbye to Everyone Else) Ciao~

Marshall: (Waves Back to Anna Along with Paul) Good luck out there!

Paul: Bye! (Turns Back to Steve) So that was your aunt there, eh Steve?

Marshall: She seems nice.

Steve: (Chuckles Lightly) Yeah, whenever she wants to be. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Paul: (Smiles Brightly at his Boxer Friend) Good. You deserve it after all the crap you went through.

Steve: Thanks. Both of you. You're a couple of good pals.

Law: (Smiles at Steve as Well) Same goes for you too. Don't hesitate to come to either of us for any help or advice. We got your back one hundred percent!- (Suddenly Gets Pulled into Paul's One Arm Hug With Annoyance Written All Over his Face Afterwards)

Paul: Yeah, what he says! You got that?

Steve: (Chuckles Lightly) Loud and clear. Thanks again.

???: Brother!~

????: ('TIGER ROARS')

The trio turns to see two more fellow Tekken combatants, Leo Kilesen and King II, waving hello to Steve a few feet close to their table.

Leo: (Smiles Brightly) We've finally arrived!~

King: (Roars While Holding Up Two Gifts Bags)

Paul: (Waves Hello the Unexpected Duo) Yo, hey guys- Wait.

Marshall: Brother?

Paul: Father!?

Paul/Marshall: (Turns Back to Steve With a Complete Shock on Both of Their Faces) YOU'RE RELATED TO THOSE GUYS TOO!?

Steve: (Smiles Sheepishly) Not quite?....I formed seperate bonds with those two after the war ended and they're both are equally as long to explain. Not opposed to explaining it all if you're interested. (Takes Another Sip of his Tea) Mm.....Did Leroy really made this tea himself? This is absolutely delicious!

@tampire

@albion-93

@decibelcoatl

[merigoldaround]

Okay, finally properly watching the documentary and I have a few thoughts. (I guess this is bit of a summary too, so spoiler warning maybe? And this is just how I experienced the documentary, if someone sees it differently, that's fine too). It got long so I put it under the cut.

Face off: I just love how they build the melody, how Jimin is part of it so fully, it starts with the tune Jimin plays and builds from there. He hums the melody while walking around the table and PDogg has to remind him to record everything, because it sounds good. Honestly this part had me in tears a bit, I don't know why, just watching them build the song and being proud of Jimin's effort in it. They then work on the lyrics, Jimin says there's a story behind them, a story about betrayal (the song tells about a "rebellious spirit due to betrayal"). It's a story about making a mistake and trusting the wrong people, but also him being better without those people, that it's their loss. (This is me paraphrasing what he said in the documentary.)

Like Crazy: PDogg says "it's sort of sorrowful dance party... It's like getting drunk" when they work on the first beats and melodies. And again Jimin just starts humming the melody that later is part of the song and PDogg catches it even though he's doing it so quietly. I love how they've captured these little moments, where Jimin is quietly humming the melody and PDogg goes "that's good!". PDogg is the one saying a conversation between a man and a woman would sound good at the beginning if Jimin would find a movie that suits best. And then Jimin immediately thinks about the movie Like Crazy and that's how they even end up naming the song. As they're writing the lyrics Namjoon says he'll help with them after Jimin gets the story he wants to tell out first. I think it's the post production phase where Jimin says Like Crazy is the song everyone likes the most whenever he plays the songs to people, while Set me free pt2 is Jimin and the team's favourite.

A side note: I love how Jimin erupts in little dances along the whole documentary, whether it's something cute or maybe a few ballet-like steps or just having fun. The dancer he his.

Alone: Jimin says it was the most difficult of the songs. It's interesting, Jimin says that the lielielielielielielie part sounds to him a bit like people laughing at him and pointing at him and how he wanted to write about it. I love how Jimin says he's having fun working on the song. And I think it's Ghstloop (sorry if I got that wrong), who says the whole album is so unpredictable (and yes it kind of is, in the best way possible). I love watching Jimin slowly finding the melody for the song, he's so good at it and the way the team cheers him on in the process is so nice to see. And the way it's Jimin's idea to put the sound effects for the "falling" part, he really is an idea bank like he said in his live. While writing the lyrics Jimin says "I keep melting into these moments, it has so much emotional labor." And he really worked so hard, revisiting old painful memories isn't easy. The way he says he once thought the way he wrote in the lyrics is painful to hear, but we all have those times, don't we (if someone doesn't then they should consider themselves really lucky). Him talking about how he had a difficult time facing the emotions, hiding them, trying to say it's all okay. I'm glad to see him in a better place during the song making process though, seeing that he's past the emotions Alone is about.

Another side note: I found his face planting onto the couch in despair because of the lyrics very relatable as a creative person. Sometimes creating is just that.

Letter (Dear.Army): About Letter Jimin says how he wanted to make a song where he could express his feelings to the fans in a better and more genuine way compared to always writing thank yous to weverse. I love that it's Jimin playing the guitar and coming up with the chords and again the teamwork with the producers and how they support Jimin. The way Jimin knows from the beginning it's going to be an emotional song once he gets the lyrics right and he does. I wonder how the Dear.Army title came about since Jimin seems happy about the Letter (in Korean) title, they could've easily just translated it directly too. Jimin says the title Letter is like him, nothing pretentious. He looks so happy when he has Jungkook recording background vocals to it, and Jk does beautiful harmonies. To me it sounded like Jungkook was a bit worried his contribution was too much, but Jimin seemed just happy to have him there singing as much as he could.

Set me free pt2: First of all it's clear they all love this one, they seem to have so much fun creating it. Jimin is adorable when he meets the choir in LA. And just watching the whole process of how this song develops, the way he plays with his voice, the way he lets it all out while recording, the way they're all jumping around while listening to it, it gives me the feeling that it's such an empowering song for Jimin.

His ending words are touching. Him telling about how he contacted PDogg after coming home from Las Vegas, wanting to tell his story, feeling worn out, having to go through a deep emotional journey, facing the feelings he's had, hating it, but also having fun doing it. He mentions talking to Hobi, how when trying once you can see where you can try your best the next time.

I wrote too much I think, but I just loved seeing how the songs got their start, how they built them, how involved Jimin was in all of the parts of the process, how much of it was his work. It was definitely a collaborative effort too, I think Jimin was lucky to have such an encouraging team with him working on the album.

If you got this far then I hope what I said made sense. I just really enjoyed watching this, getting insight to how Jimin functions in a way.

[whoslaurapalmer]

my cousin's wife came over today and we all talked a lot and. I do feel a little better. she was totally open to me owning a house and making that happen if that's what I really want. and lots of programs for low-income to apply to for help with bills. which like I knew existed but my mom and I never applied for them because we always combined our incomes so we always made too much for them. but I am eligibile! and that shouldn't feel scary bc that's literally what they're for. there are lots of things that are supposed to help and that can help. my mom also set her will up Perfectly so that anything we got would go into specific special needs trusts to not affect my brother or my's disability payments, which my cousin's wife will man

her: unless you don't want me to!! it's okay!!

me: well! I trust you!!

her: you got it!! but feel free to fire me too whenever you want girl it's all you and you got this!!

me: THANK YOU.........😭😭😭😭

we all went to the bank and got some stuff rolling for getting my accounts in only my name; there's a lot we can't do yet for various paperwork reasons but things we can do too. Phone calls my aunt can make and I can make. my mom also had a pension, of course, and there's a possibility it might be set up for survivor's benefits, which would. really help a lot too.

me: so you don't need my birth certificate?

the woman at the bank, who has clearly seen things in her time: oh no, but, like, thank you so, so much for bringing it.

my cousin's wife: omg of COURSE your mom rounded up in her bank records so she always had a cushion. god she was so smart

me: !!!!! 🥺🥺🥺...............

(my aunt: she didn't do it to the penny?????

me: nancy, YOUR mom does her bank records to the penny and has literally fucked up her records TWICE

anyway. consider rounding up in your personal bank records, so you always have a cushion. just like, remember there's a cushion, and add some of it back in sometimes!)

(also that made me feel really good. my mom always felt like. people judged her in the family for the way she handled money. and she wasn't always perfect at it either!! but she did a really good job!!!!!)

she also knows someone to help me pick a new insurance plan that will work the best for me. which is a relief. so I do feel. okay. MORE OKAY THAN CRYING ABOUT DETERGENT, SO!!!!! it's. it's gonna be okay. my brother and I had a really fun dinner (egg salad but we both went in different directions with what we added to it so that was nice). I asked best friend to hang out soon. loss is still like. a literal knife in me it's been six days and I want. to show my mom the new cake pusheens (I showed my brother, but he does not have a Cuteness Radar). I want to reread fruits basket but I don't think I can right now. I get anxious and I have to convince myself I'm okay instead of asking her. but that was something I'd been working on doing for the past year and she was really proud of me and I can like. picture the little wave we'd give each other sometimes while sitting in the living room together. I found a video she recorded of me on her phone last year when we were talking and I love that video a lot. my brother is loading the dishwasher so I don't have to. I got to sing today when he went home for a while and that was nice!! I want to look at my fanfic and finally reblog everything for woevember. I miss my mom. just writing mom is hard. and that's okay. tomorrow still happens.

and I did message my sister, because my brother submitted the obituary today and i wanted to tell her before any of her friends back here mightve seen it and talked to her, on that incredibly off chance. and I did include my mildly scathing sentences, which my brother approved of. and then I blocked her. because I do not have to have her in my life! which! my mom was also fine with!!

aunt linda: you know, it happens in every generation of the vandelays, back to my grandfather. someone just winds up not talking to someone else in the family!! (her own son has not spoken to her for 22 years.)

me: i.....................feel like that's reaching curse standards.

aunt linda got way too excited about that. thanks aunt linda!! 💖

[goldie90]

I saw someone reblog an old ask that I guess was from your friend? I got a little worried. Thanks for reblogging that apology, because I was sure you and your friend made up. But now I’m confused why would they pull up old drama that was between you and your friend.

I also believe that people can make mistakes and then apologize and change. And from how long I’ve followed you, you’ve been nothing but kind, so I think you’re nice! And your F/O is cool.

Hello anon.🙂

Yeah I think I know very well what and who you're talking about - it's likely exactly the same reason why we decided it might be good if we both reblog it again after all this time, to remind people of it and showing why digging up such old stories doesn't really makes sense, since this is something that has been cleared up and fixed long ago and luckily so.🙂

As for why a certain person apparently decided it would be cool or funny or whatever to bring this up again, we can only guess, as we were both quite baffled about it ngl, but we assume it is most likely because they are mad at the two of us. Cause... I don't know if you saw my other post and John's (that's my friend) statement on it? If so then you surely saw that he mentioned how he reached out to this person in an attempt to settle things between me and them and to get them to stop going around and messaging almost everyone I interacted with to "warn" them of me, as they like to call it. This was because there was not much of an other option as me and them both have each other blocked (and even if I would have unblocked them, I could not have messaged them since they would have had me blocked obviously lol) plus I knew they wouldn't have want to talk to me and I wanted to respect that and not stress them out or make them uncomfortable, and since John was also friends with them at this time, they offered to talk to them on my behalf which they did. Now this person did not accept my apology which was fine - they don't have to. But they promised John that they would stop messaging people and tell them bad things about me, yet they didn't stop. In fact it only took a few days for them to break their promise and that's why after a while John cut them off as well and blocked them.

And well, now that I decided to address the issue and he was openly showing his support in that matter, this person is apparently not very pleased with either of us and for some reason apparently thought it would be a good idea to dig up this very old thing and be like "look, that's what it looks like when these two are arguing with each other" which is not only distasteful and hurtful (especially for my friend!) but also kinda silly because they're trying to present it like they just discovered a huge scandal when it was not only very long ago but also never a secret to begin with.

I made a terrible mistake back then because I was hurt (which does not justify it in any way) and there is still not a single day on which I'm not regretting it and I still feel ashamed for what I did, but fact is I did it and I would never deny it. It is not a secret and it never was. What it is, to both me and my friend is a painful memory which we both took as motivation to grow and improve, as people and as friends. We are closer after all of this than we were before - something that makes us both happy and proud and we also worked together on improving our communication with each other, being more considerate of the other's feelings and we also figured out ways to argue respectfully and in a constructive way when we do. So no, despite what this person might think, the things you can see in this post are not what our arguments look like - not anymore.🙂

And thank you, hearing this means more to me than you can maybe imagine.💖

Also thank you so much for your message and I wish you a good night.💖

PS. Nubbins says thank you too and he thinks you're pretty cool too.🙂

[itsjaywalkers]

hi laurie <3 how is your health? do you feel better?

there’s another big discourse about regulus character, what is ooc for him, what is not, was he right, did he deserve redemption or did he deserve to die as villain. you know, same old conversation, but it made me curious about your vision of his character! how do you view him in canon? do you think he was more morally dark than grey or more grey than dark? tell me everything please <3

hi lovely!! my health's fine, i'm completely recovered!! it was a tough week but i survived that stupid chest infection

oooooh u know i don't care about discourse but i love how u just brought it up to . turn it into a nice lil debate and ask about my portrayal of a character <333

we obviously don't get a lot about reg in canon but i think we get enough!! a couple of what could be core traits (since what we learn of him is all from sirius pov who's . quite biased) and some of his backstory!! so yes, he's kind of a blank slate of a character, which is incredibly fun when it comes to fanfiction but also . i truly believe there's a foundation here, even if a tiny unstable one yk??

anyways, to me, regulus is quite morally grey, but i don't think . he's more dark or more grey . the lovely kat (@messrsage) wrote a very interesting post about this a while ago, they talked about how the black brothers are both morally grey, and that sirius isn't more good or regulus more bad. they move up and down the spectrum, depending on who they keep as friends, on what influences them and their environment. i think the word kat used was morally fluid?? or something along those lines. and i absolutely agree!!

i don't believe sirius was better or inherently good. i just think that they had different responses for the same trauma. that they surrounded themselves by very different kinds of ppl. neither of them is in the right or in the wrong, yk?? they're both victims!! regulus thought that . obeying and listening to their parents and doing what he was told was the best course of action and there's nothing wrong with that

sirius implies that reg wasn't . capable of thinking on his own . that he was 'soft enough to believe them' (referring to their parents) which has always made me think that . despite reg definitely believing in blood supremacy and all that bullshit, at least for a while, it wasn't because he rationalised the whole thing all by himself and thought it was True and Right and Genuine, but that walburga and orion said this was how the world worked and he didn't think of questioning it. sirius did and look where that got him, right?? and besides, those are his parents, and despite how strict and cruel they can be sometimes, they love him, regulus knows they do, so why would they lie. i think he was comfortable, in a way, in the life that his parents made for him, and if not fighting back and agreeing with everything also stopped the abuse then even better

it's like the death eater thing. i'm sure his family had a lot to do with it!! and sure, it was also implied that reg had this weird nerdy fixation with voldemort, but i don't think that means . he was bad . voldemort was such a powerful wizard, and his family, or at least part of it, supported him and chose to follow him, so why wouldn't he find him interesting?? or even worthy of admiration?? he ended up betraying him and sacrificing himself the moment he realised what voldemort actually intended to do. besides, he was a fucking kid. people tend to forget that he was literally 16 when he joined the death eaters. and idk about u, but i was a fucking idiot at 16. not awful or anything, ofc, but i still did and said a lot of shit i'm not proud of, simply bc i didn't know better. but the thing is that i wasn't expected to!! bc again, i was just a kid!! doesn't excuse any of my mistakes, but i do think it's a fact that u gotta take into account when u try to judge someone

i think regulus wasn't a hero, but he wasn't a villain either. i think he was a terrified boy trying to survive. trying to make his family proud. and by the time he finally realised his mistake, it was too late. he still tried to fix his shit, and i think that matters. does that make him a good person?? nah, not really. but i think it makes him human

on a more surface level, my regulus is . proud . stubborn . spoiled . posh . mean in a non-targeted way, it's never personal to him (or not usually) and he's not trying to hurt anyone, it's just . a defence mechanism?? part of his personality, in a way. he isn't trying to be cruel on purpose. i think he's also a curious person, but it's a part of him he tends to ignore or supress, bc his parents don't like it. i think he's a follower and that he hates being the centre of attention, but at the same time, he's jealous of the way sirius seems to have everyone's eyes on him when he enters a room. he can be petty and resentful, but he's also shy and quiet and so very soft. it's a side of him that not a lot of ppl get to see, bc it's weak, but it's very much there, and i think that's the regulus that sirius knew most of his life. the regulus that he knew (or at least wanted to believe) was still there, which probably make him speak of him in such a . gentle way?? like yes, he called him an idiot but he has no qualms about cursing the rest of his family out, and he's pretty mean to all of them (with good reason) except andromeda and regulus. to me, that means he still loved his brother, and if sirius is still capable of . caring about regulus, at least to a certain degree, without even knowing about his change of heart . well . he couldn't have been that awful

there's also quite the debate about the kreacher thing, and whether reg was actually kind-hearted enough to believe and defend elves' rights or if it was simply the fact that it was kreacher, his house elf, and nothing else. personally, i don't think it matters that much. whatever his reason was, he still decided to betray voldermort over it, and tried to do the right thing, even tho the risk was High and he didn't know if he'd make it. that's what i believe says more about his character than what his exact tipping point was

and god i'm gonna shut up now, this turned out to be so ridiculously long i just . find regulus so interesting SORRY NONNIE😭