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silent-neutral · 6 months ago

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About SH2 Pyramid Head symbolism and the remake PT.1

--mentions of sexual violence, suicidal themes and just overall mental illness-- please PLEASE DON'T READ BEYOND THE CUT IF YOU PLAN TO PLAY THIS GAME BUT KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SILENT HILL 2!! There will be spoilers in this ''essay'' and I don't want to spoil such a great game for anyone starting fresh and blind, because that'd be the perfect way to start this game imho - your feeling toward this game will be heightened without knowing too much, plus forming your own view and having questions about it is also cool.

(***Had to cut this down into parts after watching 10+ hours of the remake and so much watching gave me a headache that felt like a literal hangover the next day ugh I felt like James lol otherwise it's too many topics and words in 1 post. This way it might be easier to organize them. )

------------------------------- My mind was blown recently. Ig I'm posting this to clarify more to myself than anything, but I had to search up Ito's recent comments about certain scenes with Pyramid Head. (ahem, the first cutscenes specifically). I've always had my own ideas and guesses about specific details playing as James, but after some clarifications on Ito's part about Pyramid Head.. it kind of jarred me, but at the same time explained other things and now my initial view of this game and its characters are validating my assumptions.. And if you knew about this already, well good on you.... Ito tweets so much sometimes, info like this gets buried and I had no idea until a week or so ago lol. So in light of SH2R releasing, I conveniently found out about some crucial details that would *also* inadvertently explain my (petty) gripes about SH2R. I watched the entire playthrough and my views have slightly altered (mostly positive, as this game was actually very faithful to the original imo). but for now I give you...a very wordy analysis on some themes of SH2. Excuse my rambly thought process though, it's very hard to organise them sometimes, I say to future self re-reading this later lol.

We know the monsters all carry symbolism relating to James. Specifically speaking, the series has a lot of sexual undertones present. Man.. Idk where it all started but I'm pretty sure we all assumed it was true when every Silent Hill source or fanpage over decades would bring up James' sexual repression. It made sense because of how things appeared, plus Angela's trauma and her demon....that James even fights... Well.. Ito hates fans saying James 'sexual repression' being symbolised in the monsters are canon. He doesn't mind people forming their own opinion, but he hates when fans say it's canon lol. At any rate, there was a lot of confusion from what I read at first (and the language barrier didn't help, but I think I got the gist of what he meant). --------------------------------------------------------------- Talking specifically about the mannequin scene, Ito says PH is *not* raping them. Ok sure, tbh it looks too vague to label it something extreme like that. But it became something of a meme and Ig it ended up being believed as true. Kinda wish this sentiment was quashed many years ago and not in 2020/2021 gah... So, what's happening in that scene is actually far more deeper than simply to traumatise James.... Pyramid Head is a manifestation of James' guilt AND unconscious desire to be punished for killing his terminally ill wife. James is called to Silent Hill via a delusional letter from Mary he created in his mind.(A made up one to ignore the real one). He's suffering from some kind of selective amnesia throughout the game, hence why everything is there to remind him of his pain. Obviously he's traumatised by what he did that his mind has blocked it out to the point it seems he has remembered a false timeline of events... but his soul is yearning for judgement. Ito says that, therefore, James is suffering from many delusions, that's what's creating and manifesting his inner demons (true for all that come to Silent Hill). Pyramid Head himself is manifested as the executioner, tasked with punishing James, and so.. He is actually attacking James' delusions, trying to remove them:

*o* And Ito goes further! Right after PH kills those mannequins, he stalks over toward the closet James hides in (also meaningful, lmao, but okok it's not about sexual orientation). Apparently, PH's appearance is shifting. Ito says he modelled and animated all the monsters in the original, so I trust him when he says that the front left panel in the corner of his helmet is peeling/flaking back and a tongue-like appendage protrudes from the hole. Although.. he admits it might be too dark to see in that scene, but it's there supposedly. I'm paraphrasing, but Ito implies that PH is impacted by James' delusions in that James *thinks* he sees a tentacle come out of the helmet and thus manifests that. And that's when James shoots at him - He shoots at his own desire to be judged when it attempts to remove his delusions that are keeping him from the truth of his reality!! James can't face reality at this point - those delusions are keeping him somewhat sane and distracted! It hurts too much this early on for PH to attack those delusions so he stops it...this is why he is 'in the closet'. James continues to keep those 'skeletons' there, for now. It makes PH look like the true good guy - an angel.. like Valtiel (interesting to note they have similar body design). Because of learning this, I very quickly noticed how throughout the Remake, you will find plenty already downed enemies.. and it was easy to think ''PH was here''. After James realises the truth from the tape, the Hotel reveals its true appearance (not sure when it burned down or if that has something to do with Alessa, er wait I remember in Origins it was in her house.. well anyway! this could explain James' sketchy memory of events, especially when confronted by Laura having only met Mary and received the letter a year ago in-game.) Anyway, the point is; if James is aware, then the delusions begin to fade. So after watching the Remake, I hoped that the monsters wouldn't appear/be weakened and lo and behold! Bloober was paying attention! The monsters after you watch the tape are weak and limping, can't attack or are already dead and I was delighted! It means Ito was consistent that the delusions the town creates makes up the core theme of Silent Hill. In the original, there are only 2 lying bodies before the PH fight. (I forget the meaning behind them but it has something to do with James' helplessness.) At any rate, Remake did the 'dying vision' symbolism much better here and the explanation is so so fascinating that it led me to rethink the concept behind PH. Side note though, about that hole in PH's helmet. I was always so damn confused about it for so many years!! I used to draw it as a rectangular hole (some art by Ito actually depicted it like that iirc), and then eventually to a gunshot hole since James, well, shot at him, so I assumed that's what it was from. and NOW it's actually a triangular shaped hole from the paneling being 'turned upward' due to how James' is perceiving him in the moment. What a revelation, I cry. Ah.. and note on other design aspects.. Apparently Ito never designed PH with a mass of flesh under the helmet (just a perpetual shadow and the neck bag thing at the back) and he doesn't even know who conceptualised that, but I think it's due to all the cameos and appearances PH has made in many games since SH2. And he looks slightly different each time so.. yeah, interesting that.

Even the figma has that fleshy mass (and gunshot hole!) but I'd say it is accurate on nearly everything else:

It is a very nice figure though. I can't blame all these figures ever released that *weren't* supervised by Masahiro Ito himself, because lmao, Ito just admitted that PH is subjected to changes depending on how James views him, and that explains why details are vague and hard to determine let alone see bc the game is so dark. Take this little gacha figure of PH for example, from a cute baseball game called, I think, Konami Dream Stars (Pal Pro kun?) Yeah, I got Snake as well lol:

...and yes, shameless little peek at my nerdiness on display, all the Capcom stuff is directly below it lolll

------------------------------------------------------------------ So! Having learned what I did, I ofc had to question the next obvious thing; the cutscene just before the first boss fight. PH was without a doubt molesting the Lying Figure/Body which was moaning suggestively the entire fucking time - no one is about to gaslight me into thinking THAT wasn't sexual! And yes, Ito admits that scene was intentionally made to appear sexual (as opposed to the mannequins) and yet he says it has no sexual meaning....wtf does that even mean?! Well, I think I got it. Again, language barrier is most likely to blame, but... To apply the last explanation for the mannequins; James' delusions are making him *think* he is seeing something intimate to the point it manifests right then and there which is so disturbing he recoils and tries to go back through the now-locked door. And so.. it would seem that to PH, he is just trying to destroy the delusions and he can't help how James perceives that; it's just going to manifest accordingly. And while Ito hates 'sexual repression' as somehow being canon to some fans (the majority actually), well, bruh... can you really blame people for coming to that conclusion? The flesh lips, nurses too, are on the risque side. Now, idk how it doesn't indicate something sexual if it's not meaning to be but I am aware of Ito's art style tending to be quite sexual and suggestive, featuring a lot of bdsm themes in his artwork and he is quite obviously inspired by at least HR Giger's work. So making the nurses, for example, look the way they do may be a stylistic choice, but I highly doubt it doesn't also have a symbolic purpose other than referencing Lisa's image or something (This is Silent Hill though ffs, everything is symbolic, it HAS to be). I'll reassess the meaning of those for myself, but specifically I'm addressing PH (and soon in another post, the other elephant in the room: Abstract Daddy.) Initially, I always saw PH as trying to remind James of his sins, jolt his memory, to wake him up to reality. (Which is interesting considering it's not clear if Silent Hill itself is even rooted in reality, the alter dimensions I mean. Another topic I want to address soon.) I also noticed the mirroring effect PH/Maria were doing in relation to their human counterparts; PH is James, and Maria is Mary; James killed Mary, and so PH kills Maria. But.. If PH is actually also trying to destroy the delusions, (which also appears to reflect the fact James is trying to overcome his guilt, his mental blockages that are causing his selective amnesia)that inadvertently means PH will need to destroy himself in the end as well, and that is exactly what happens..

Coincidentally, this would also reflect James' suiciding.

But first, PH attacks the monsters that are manifested and represent different aspects of James' trauma/psyche. Then he is constantly confronting James by killing Maria, or James having to return to a dead Maria. I thought he was basically tormenting James by showing him what he'd essentially done to Mary. "This is what you're guilty about, this is what you need to accept'' I think that idea still holds water (pun very intentional), but now I feel it adds another layer because Maria is the ultimate delusion... and thus, PH must destroy her. Now when she says 'I'm not your Mary, but I can if you want me to be' makes more sense to me what she is. She too is subjected to James' delusions because she keeps shifting the perspective she talks or thinks in, Mary's or Maria's? But she knows she is not Mary, just a manifestation of an idea. And James deep down knows she is holding him back (like all the other delusions) and that feeling calls PH to thus kill her. When James can't escape the reality of his past, he finally accepts the truth, the memories revived by the tape, and confronts PH after stabbing Maria a final time. 'Stop denying/ignoring your guilt, and stop trying to cover it up with distractions like Maria'. James finally doesn't need to be told anymore, he has punished himself (fitting, seeing as PH is an extension of James anyway) and thus PH, the final delusion/illusion kill themselves and disappear.

-------------------------------------

OK so that's PH! Now to compare that with the remake

My main gripe was that the game is way too saturated in colour and too bright in certain parts, but it improves that as you delve deeper in the game thankfully. Kudos to Bloober for changing James' face to something more 'unaware' and disassociative. Gripe number 2: I do wish they cut out the 'hand rubbing' in the opening scene or at least tone it down bc that kind of foreshadowing is too damn obvious, sorry. Not needed. Especially not right at the start. Not even for old fans playing it, we know what happens, but cmon...It makes James too aware of *something* and his selective amnesia is what gives rise to his own customised demons...if he is even slightly aware of what he did, then what is the point to seeing the monsters, let alone PH attacking them, now that we know what Ito had intended? Wouldnt that change their appearance, or rather, remove them altogether? sigh, anyway. I find PH a bit too bright, not dirty enough and consequently, not as disturbing. Partly for that was how they clearly removed the lying body scene from the boss fight. I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed, but now with much needed context, this now makes sense...

HOWEVER....If my guess about James' assuming something sexual was taking place in that scene is what manifested it to begin with, then what is there to say about the remake?... So the simple act of hand-rubbing (awareness) really DOES make a difference, huh?! >:O it took away our favourite PH scene! 😂💔..

We can talk about DEI and stuff like that affecting certain themes in this game.... but Ito saying 'it doesn't mean it's sexual' would explain why it's taken out of the remake. Ito has supervised the Bloober design team on this, so they would have so much more context and info from the man himself... Still, it appears to conflict with James' psyche, bc it is through his very perspective that we are perceiving the town and how it presents itself to James so ofc if James sees something explicit, so are we the player. We are seeing the town and monsters through his eyes. And there is much to say about whether or not the other characters are even seeing the same town, but I'll get to that too. There is also the possibility that it's just 'creative freedom' on Bloober's part. It sucks, but overall... the game's pros outweigh the cons. Symbolism for Silent Hill is a very strong trait though, so I'm a bit conflicted about those changes. In the end, PH being a punisher and attacking the delusions of James' traumatised state of mind is fundamental, so as long as that is present, then I can't really say it's so inaccurate ig. It does imho, take away from PH's menacing persona and tones the disturbing factor down which consequently, in my humble opinion, makes him less scary. Intimidating, perhaps.. but less so. He looks very cool though lol. Especially how he breaks the walls during the chase and the final PH battle, I was super impressed with it! I didn't really like how PH was animated in the cutscene in the first fight (the way he turns around, idk..) but I love how they both throw the spears at you! This fight definitely improved upon the og version. Ah, and the sound of his heavy footsteps are wonderful as well! There was another creative thing Bloober did with PH's knife where you have to pick it up to advance through the tentacle wall thing. I realised this was a manifestation of James mental blocks since he starts holding his head in pain. But I thought "oh cool! James is gonna use the Great Knife to cut them!" But sadly, no.. but.. those tentacles would peel back, afraid of the presence of PH's knife... they are delusions after all~

Oh btw.. I didn't realize this before, but as soon as you attain Angela's knife, PH appears with the Great Knife - before this, he is unarmed. In Remake, right after you get her knife, you can hear PH's infamous screeching coming from dragging the Great Knife, reiterating that he is James. Subtle but very cool! I can't believe I didn't make that connection myself lol bah.

A bit more gripes to mention though: his strange janky movements that were imitated in remake made it look like a sad parody of the original scene, which was much more disturbing. I think it would have been better had they not added that part, it was random to see when he was moving as normal as one does trying to apprehend the mannequins, then calmly and slowly assessing the room only to suddenly flail about and strike random poses barely reminiscent of what he does in the original...and then just stand there as if James never shot him 🤨 not to mention, James looks so unbothered in this scene, he doesnt look at all anxious like in the original..the whole 'interaction' looked awkward. The original scene was paced better giving PH a kind of build up to those strange movements. I also dislike the lack of reaction and bad pacing with several of Remake's cutscenes as it toned down much of the intensity in crucial moments of the game, like in this one with PH. Yet... improved on others that I think were made better than the original's by elaborating on them.

Anyway I will touch on this and add more criticisms on remake in another post, this one is long enough lol; i just tried to get my thoughts on PH in one post but if I missed something I'll just add it in the PT.2.

If you actually read this, you must be as obsessed as I am (thank you)! Feel free to add your thoughts if you want, I love talking about silent hill symbolism or the ideologies behind The Order.

#pyramid head #silent hill #sh2remake #sh2 #Discussion #Silent hill symbolism

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quietlyimplode · 4 years ago

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This is the most randomist of thought and Ofc you don’t have to do this. Firstly what’s your opinion on buckynat like for me I find it really uncomfortable just because if it was mcu canon then bucky would have had to train Nat when she was just a little girl. Like my idea for a fic would be (ig it would only kinda work if you have similar opinion on buckynat so) Natasha telling Tony about what she remembers of bucky in the rr like maybe she’s scared of him and Tony wants to know why maybe cacw?

Hi Anon, it’s all good. Don’t worry. I love sharing thoughts on what may or may not have happened and what that may have looked like for Natasha (and sometimes the others).

I wasn’t really sure how to write this one, because I like the idea of Bucky/Nat and there’s some great scenes of them in comics that I adore. I’ve tweaked this a little because of that, but I’m hoping it’s kind of what you were thinking.

I suppose it can be read either way and is open enough that you can take your musings of what’s happened in the past and fit it in. It’s supposed to be disconnected and an insert but of course ended up at 805 words and not reread. Thanks for the prompt Anon and for your kind words. Sorry this has taken so long to get to.

Content warning for discussion of the Red Room, triggers and maybe self harm if you squint (it’s more about grounding though)? Set after Civil War (forgive me I haven’t rewatched in ages).

Nisi Te Ipsum.

They’re sitting at the long table, glassy accusing eyes stare at her.

“Did you know?” Tony asks.

Natasha holds his gaze.

“No.”

He stares her down, non-believing, trust gone.

“Do you know him?”

He crosses his arms across his body, hostile and cranky.

“It’s complicated,” she admits. There’s anger in her tone. She still hasn’t forgiven him for the double agent quip.

It hurt.

It stills hurts.

“Uncomplicated it.” He demands in a snarl.

She sighs, a heaviness falls over her, a command of friend vs bringing traumas to the forefront of her mind weighs on her. Everything that’s happened over the last month, down to getting Clint and the rest from the raft has made her tired. Exhausted even.

They’re at a stale mate where she wants Tony to know why she’s made the decision she did.

But.

She didn’t expect to have to take a trip down memory name.

Tony stares at her expectantly, his face stoic.

She mirrors his body language, crossing her arms across her body.

She presses her nails into her side, reveling in the grounding feeling of pain.

They stay in the holding pattern, and she wonders just how much to reveal.

“Where I grew up” she starts, but that’s not right. She pauses and gathers her thoughts.

“Where I was trained,” she starts again, “we had words. Words that made you compliant, that made you.. Forget who you were.. Are.”

He leans forward, elbows on the table. “Trigger words.” He supplies.

She nods slowly. It’s vaguely accurate she supposes. It doesn’t take into account, all the pain, the torture and shear inhumanity that went into molding little girls into compliant killers.

“Bucky has them, it’s what Zemo said to change him.” Horror crosses Tony’s face as he says it, and then as he realises what she’s getting at, he stands pushing himself against the table.

“You?” He leans across to her. “You have them too?” Fear crosses his face, then pity.

Natasha isn’t nearly as prepared for this as she thought she was, she has nothing to prove to Tony, only that she’s his friend, and she doesn’t want him to feel so alone.

She uncrosses her arms and digs her nails into her palms instead.

“I had them.” She clarifies.

She sighs again. “He was the example. Often we were made to watch as they programmed his triggers, a taste of things to come for us, a way to perfect the process before they trialled it on us.”

She leans forward.

“You see, Tony, I didn’t know him. I know of him, the stories they would tell, the images they would show us, the example they would make him set. I watched him, I saw as they wiped his body and mind and knew that’s what was in store for me.” She says the last word with emphasis.

“I don’t know him.” She says quietly, “but he was the blue print for me, for us, especially for those words.”

Tony sits back down. Deflated anger oozes out of him. The silence is uneasy as she works on leveling out her breathing. The words she worked so hard to eliminate, pound in her head.

Sparrow.

Novel.

Glass.

Tony’s saying something as she shakes her head.

Radiator.

Makarov.

Bile rises in her throat; but she swallows it down as she makes herself be present. She bites down on the inside of her mouth, hard, and the taste of blood fills her mouth.

He leaves and comes back with a bottle of water, placing it next to her.

“Does this make sense?” She asks, ready to leave.

“This is..” she pauses. “This is hard for me. For him to be here, for the Winter Soldier to reappear, and even with the tension that’s now made a dividing line for the team.” Tony nods slowly.

She didn’t want to do this, but takes some solace in the fact that the information she is about to hand him has been curated.

“I don’t know him. I don’t know Bucky. But don’t judge him on the Winter Soldier. That’s not him. That’s what they made him. I am the Black Widow, but that is my choice. They made me become it but I chose it. I chose to embrace it, and now it’s who I am. I take ownership of it because I can.”

She passes him the usb and heads for the door.

“Steve’s holding onto his past, for something familiar. He craves it, and can’t give it up. He’s a man out of time.” She pauses.

“You don’t have to forgive them. Or forget. But you do need to understand.”

She gestures to the usb.

“I hope it helps.”

She leaves, heads for home, knowing the nightmares will come and that there’s no one to save her.

She is the Black Widow, she tells herself.

She will save herself.

#blackwidowfest2021 #natasha romanoff #black widow #tony stark #Iron Man #Bucky Barnes #the winter soldier #my fic #post civil war #tony and nat #tw red room #triggers #black widow 2021 #ask away!#prompt fic #ask fic #buckynat #bucky/nat #if you squint

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actual-fucking-clown · 4 years ago

Text

Take your time then.

Aizawa x gender neutral reader

Story under the cut :)

Unedited but like edited but still not properly edited :)

Hope you enjoy!!!

a/n: it’s been a hot min since I’ve written a fic. I think the last time i was 14 and it was shit and on wattpad. Ha. I hate myself. N e way, I was recently writing some shit for an au me and my friend thought up and in the back of my mind I was like, “you should start writing fics again bc this is kinda fun”, soo lo and behold I made a post asking if anyone would be interested, shared a little too much personal shit in it but whatever, and have now decided to write this mother fucker. (3/25/21)

a/n: not sure if anyone will care about this series of a/n’s but I’m just chronicling thoughts ig. rewriting rn bc my first draft was short and ass. Also I’m thinking about opening requests after this is posted, will go into detail in a diff post maybe. (3/28/21)

a/n: deleted everything, rewriting. I just want to make something that might be decent and if I can give that feeling, y’know those chills you get when you read something utterly gorgeous, but I’m bad at writing. sadge (3/28/21, like several hours later)

a/n: ugh (4/1/21)

a/n: ugh pt 2 electric boogaloo. I can’t seem to move forward with the writing. I realized something like this might happen bc to solve a problem feelings need to be discussed and I fucking hate doing that so you can see where I’m fucking up lmaooooo (4/2/21)

a/n: I read angst to fuel my writing brain. So, read some angst, finally writing agian. This first section is probs as long as the story itself LMFAO(4/5/21)

Started: (3/25/21) Finished: (4/5/21)

Warnings: uh angst, curse words, like a lot, (i saw someone else put this as a warning, do I actually need it?), avoiding problems instead of actually facing them, mentions of shit so-so parenting, mentions of not being able to live up to high expectations, y’know, the works

Synopsis: Aizawa takes in Eri without running it by you first and expects you to be okay with it. That’s funny. He was wrong.

Can I preface this with a thought? I’m going to anyway,

all the fics I read paint him as the sweetest partner and I’m sure he is but I think they miss out on how blunt he is and his whole “Mr. Rationality” thing. So as much as I adore him I think there are situations that he’d be a bit more colder towards, a bit more straightforward about. Maybe even like a bit insensitive about but maybe bc he doesn’t have the full picture or something. so I guess this is another warning but aizawa is a little insensitive in the beginning (but like not really but kinda. it’s complicated)

Rain pattered softly against the window. The smell of some old random Bath and Bodyworks candle you’d dug out from a box you’d never bothered to unpack smothered the room. Some Netflix show idly played on a low volume on your computer, you’d lost interest in watching tv awhile ago. You needed a break. After the eventful month you’d been having you really needed this.

Now of course your whole year so far had been eventful. What with all the villain attacks on you and Shouta’s class and the kidnapping of one of your students, to just dealing with the more mundane problems with your students. No. You had no problem with that. The villains, although not easy, were something you were trained to handle. The smaller problems with your students weren’t arduous either, after all you weren’t too much older than them.

When reflecting on your situation, from and outside perspective it could be seen as the straw the broke the camels back, which sure, makes sense. After all, you’re bound to be stressed out by everything else, so why would this seemingly insignificant thing weigh heavier than a villain attack? Well if that is the situation why does this single straw feel like it weighs a ton? This is not that. This is not culmination of the events of this year draining the life from you. This is something entirely different. A panic inducing life change that completely took you by surprise mixed with your inability to actually face your problems.

You don’t blame them. You can’t. They’ve done nothing wrong. A child. A small, probably mentally scarred child is your problem. Well not her personally but the fear taking care of her instills in you. Despite working in the field that you do, you cannot for the life of you handle actual children. Sure you’re a little awkward with your class but at least they’re young adults and (vaguely) mature and independent to a certain extent. The fact that your long term boyfriend just came back one day, small child in tow and said “Hey I’ve gotta look after this one now” not verbatim obviously, for a lack of better words, fucked you up. He basically solo adopted a kid and, let’s be honest, he probably expected you to help out. But how could you? How could this man look at you and think “I want this person to help me raise an already fucked up child?” Ok sure, he doesn’t at first give off the “I’m totally father figure material” vibe but in the end he is extremely competent. You on the other hand, not so much.

You’d never been good with children. Tried your best to steer clear of them. Didn’t matter the place, didn’t matter who’s kid, you couldn’t handle them. You would just stand there, awkwardly, not entirely sure of what to do and petrified that there was the possibility of making some mistake which would upset the child and then oh wow look, your head got chopped right of your shoulders. That’s hyperbole of course but it does sum up the insurmountable fear that overcomes you whenever you have to deal with a child. So considering the fact that your long term boyfriend had suddenly decided to adopt and not at least warn you, didn’t sit right with you.

So, the best and most obvious choice, was to avoid your problem. Avoid Shouta, avoid Eri. Avoid the mention of them and you, avoid it all. And honestly you’d done pretty well so far. You were able to have as little contact with them as possible considering the close proximity of your living quarters in the teacher’s dorms. After all they were legally supposed to give you two separate rooms but you never actually used yours, well until now. You were living it up honestly. Did you feel awful? Of course. He is your boyfriend after all and you were sure Eri doesn’t deserve your cold shoulder but this is probably for the best. What could you offer her? You weren’t sure that you were a good role model for her or anyone for that matter. What did you know about raising kids? it’s not like you had parents to set a proper example for you. Of course they might have shown you what not to do but where do you go from there? Is shit like that really avoidable? You don’t want to be like them. You strive to be better but what if you can’t be. There’s also the added bonus of the fact that raising a kid seems taxing on a relationship. Now matter how strong you were sure that the stress of a kid could break a relationship down that then festers into something toxic and unrecognizable. You didn’t want that. God you couldn’t let that happen. No. This was definitely for the better.

Of course Aizawa didn’t feel the same. He was confused on why his partner had been so blatantly avoiding him. Did he do something wrong? He doesn’t remember doing anything that might’ve upset you. So why now? Why pull away now? He had to get down to the bottom of this but catching you was the hard part. You had been taking on more work, offering more assistance to the other teachers, picking up extra patrols, doing everything and anything to stay away from Shouta. It took him a month but he finally caught up to you. You were tired, worn out he knew that. Instead of loading yourself with work you’d decided to hole yourself up in your room. It was now or never.

You were pulled out of your peace at the sound of a few gentle knocks to your door. You really didn’t want to get it. You honestly couldn’t be bothered.

“(N/n)? Are you in there?” He hadn’t gotten it wrong right? He hadn’t been too distracted earlier and missed you leaving right?

“What’s up?” You hummed from your place by the window, not bothering to actually open the door.

“Can I come in?” Shouta asked, voice soft. You could barely hear him above the patter of the rain and the low humming of your laptop.

“Uh, no, kinda busy. Got loads of work to do. Need to focus, sorry. Maybe later?” You hesitantly spoke. Not sure if you were convincing enough.

Apparently you weren’t.

He sighed. “It’s been “later” for an entire month. Please (Y/n) just let me in. Whatever this is we can talk it out.” You had predicted that eventually Shouta would start to try to crack down on whatever the issue was but you didn’t expect it so soon.

“Uh...no?” You tried, hoping that maybe he’d just give up but that wasn’t Shouta.

“No, you don’t get that option, now please, open the door.” Although it was still soft his voice had taken a more stern tone.

“Oh no I’m dead. I guess I can’t open the door. What a shame. I guess the only way to talk with me now is in the pits of hell.” You quipped, trying to lessen the tension that already ran thick.

“(Y/n).” Aizawa sighed.

“Jeez fine. Talk about pushy.” You quipped once more to no avail.

Opening the door you were met with, well exactly what you expected. He stood there, arms crossed, a stern yet gentle look in his eyes, his lips pulled into a slight frown.

“Come in.” You mumbled as you stepped further into your room.

“So tell me. What’s wrong?” The sentence stirred so much. Of course you wanted to tell him. You wanted to spill your guts to the man you loved in hopes of comfort but you just can’t. You know you’ll just scare him off. You know you’ll make things worse.

So you stay silent.

He says nothing as he grabs your hands gently and leads you over to your bed. He sits the two of you down on the edge, muting the movie on the laptop sitting behind him.

“You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you right?” Shouta sent you a warm smile.

You weren’t very comfortable with discussing your feelings sometimes, it mostly stemmed from the fact that you never really could discuss them with anyone growing up which made it harder to confide in anyone now, as at this point bottling things up was a habit. But this was also just something that you were sure that you couldn’t talk about.

Silence answered him once again.

Now he took sometime to think about his approach, think about what could’ve happened that made you pull away. What did he do that was different from his norm? He was genuinely stumped and the fact that you weren’t helping him confused him even more.

You decided to take this time to lament the situation too. What was he going to do? Should you actually tell him or play it off? If you play it off will he still insist that something is wrong? If you tell him will he leave you? If you don’t tell him will he leave you? You risked a glance at him, he was still deep in thought.

Why did you have to adopt this fucking kid without at least warning me?

“What?” Your head shot up at the sound of his shocked voice.

“What?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Eri’s the problem...?” He spoke slowly, not entirely sure if he’d heard you right.

“Did I say that out loud?” You squeaked.

“I’m pretty sure you mumbled something along the lines of “why’d you have to adopt that fucking kid”.” Shouta said, unsure if he’d heard wrong. Wanting to have heard wrong.

“No no no no no no! It’s not like that! I mean it is like that but not like that!” You frantically waved your hands in hopes of defusing the situation.

The way he looked at you made you want to cry. You felt horrible. You felt like the biggest asshole in the world and, at this point you probably were. He looked at you with such a look of heartbreak and disappointment and confusion it made you sick to your stomach. You felt light-headed and started shaking. You were right. You were right. You were always right. God why did you have to be right! Why did you have to be like this? Scared of raising a fucking child! It was asinine and irrational and you could probably move past it but thanks to your stupid fucking brain you just sealed your fate.

You scooted away from him still waving your hands frantically as no’s tumbled endlessly from your lips. You tried sputtering an apology, anything so that he wouldn’t look at you like that but nothing stuck. Nothing was comprehensible. Nothing worked. Nothing would work. Nothing will work. You were hopeless. It was hopeless.

“If it isn’t like how it seems then tell it to me straight.” Shouta finally spoke up.

You took a second to come down from your panic. You steeled your nerves as much as possible before you spoke.

“Um well, I have nothing against her it’s just that a little heads up would’ve been nice? I’m not all that great with kids so this is just kind of weird is all.” You were purposefully being vague in hopes that he’d understand what you meant and also maybe drop it.

“Not great with kids? You’re literally a teacher.” He pointed out.

“Yeah you know but she’s like a kid kid and let’s be honest I’m not too great with the students either.” You awkward laughed. So he wasn’t getting it.

“Wha-you’re fine with the students and I’m sure you’ll be fine with Eri, there was no reason to avoid me over this.” Shouta sighed. As good as he was with dealing with people, he was equally as shit. Or maybe it was just the fact that you gave him very little to work with. It was probably a bit of both. Still his dismissiveness was not helping you right now.

“No, no, no, no. I think I’ll stay here. Uh, good luck with your parenthood escapades and sorry to leave you high and dry like this but that’s going to have to be a no from me.” You rambled. He seemed to be getting a little tired of this.

“(Y/n) stop being irrational. She’s not even our kid I’m just looking after her for now. Why are you being difficult? I told you you were fine with the students and you’ll be fine with Eri, what else do you want to hear?” Shouta grumbled.

“Well uh I don’t know, uh...” You trailed off, this seemed to be going in a direction you really didn’t want it to go. A slight hostility settling in the air.

At your lack of a proper answer he clicked his tongue. He took a moment to reassess the situation. There had to be something he was missing. After all you were getting really worked up but if you weren’t going to talk to him there was nothing he could do. He shook his head before running a frustrated hand through his hair.

“(Y/n), please, please, just be honest with me. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, you can tell me. But I won’t be able to understand if you don’t.” Aizawa sighed, deciding that getting worked up about this was not the way to go, especially when you seemed to be especially distraught.

“Uh, god the thing is I don’t know entirely what to say to put the shitshow in my head into perspective.” You mumbled, trying desperately to figure out what to say that could clear the air but nothing seemed to be coherent enough.

“Take your time.” He decided that this was the best approach to things, making sure neither party got too worked up lest this turn into a fight.

The rain continued to patter softly against the window and your candle continued to burn an slightly off floral-ish scent. A deafening silence hung in the air because even though he was being as patient as possible some of his frustration leaked through, it was bound to though so you couldn’t exactly blame him. After all, you were probably equally as frustrated with yourself too.

“I’m just not good in a position like this. I’m not good with kids, especially someone like Eri who’s already so broken. You have that nurturing nature, it comes natural to you but I’m not on that level. I don’t know the first thing about caring for a child let alone one as already traumatized as her. I’d fuck it up and only make things worse. I don’t want you to reassure me that I’ll be okay with her, I want you to understand that I’m not comfortable with this and that it might take me awhile to come around. I’m sure I sound like the biggest asshole ever but please understand that this just isn’t something I’m ready for.” You had rambled a bit, you were aware of that, but it was the only way that you could properly express your feelings without making things too complicated.

Aizawa said nothing. Trying to figure out how to go about things.

Was he upset? Yeah, you two, even after several long years of being together, hadn’t discussed moving forward in your relationship in depth. And if he’d tried you seemed content with the point you two were at so he left it be, no reason to try and move forward when what you had was already fine the way it was. But recently he’d been craving more. Some mornings, when he’d be the first to wake, he’d study your features in the soft light of the sunrise and wonder what it’d be like to properly settle down with you. Get married, start a family, all that jazz. He’d taken in Eri only because it was the most rational decision. His quirk would be good for quelling hers had it ever gotten out of hand. But it also seemed to quell his musings of something more with you. He had imagined you being a good parental figure for the little girl and it made his heart flutter and his stomach explode with butterflies. But now seeing that that wasn’t what you wanted and how you weren’t ready for it, it stung. But in the end, he loved you. He’d easily give his life for you. So, if that meant waiting he’d wait. He’d wait a million years if he had to. He could do it.

Once again he spoke,

“Take your time then. I can wait.”

Tagslist?: @captainchrisstan (I think you said you wanted to be tagged but I’m also just small brained lol If u didn’t want to and I misinterpreted things just let me know :) )

#bnha x reader #mha xreader #aizawa x reader #shouta aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta #aizawa #my first fic #mha #bnha

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frenchphobic · 4 years ago

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long fucking post on why a c!dream is a shitty person and probably should not have a redemption because it is unpog

honestly i just want to refute dream apologists thats why im making this post. i think that dream as a villain is interesting but i think that trying to make him out to be secretly a good guy is just bad ngl. also /roleplay and all

tw for abuse and mentions of suicide

dream as a villain

dream is a villain. he is chaotic evil according to wilbur, deliberately does not stream to appear less sympathetic (and yet), and is set up as an antagonist to tommy who bears the title ‘hero’. dream is not a good person, no matter how you look at it or try to justify his actions.

‘but he wants to unite everyone to be a big family :((’ the ends dont justify the means believe it or not. having a vaguely positive goal does not excuse the actions you’ve done. it also goes hand and hand with saying dream is correct for punishing tommy the way he did because he acted up. if i socked you across the face and then suddenly said ‘sorry there was a roach on ur face’ does that make it okay? probably not i still punched you, enacting an unnecessary amount of violence. thats a very simple analogy i will admit and there are more complex comparisons. another example off the top of my head is say a child just scribbled all over you walls with crayons. would hitting them be a justified answer? if u said hes thats really fucked of u go seek help u loon. violence as a punishment is very toxic, just because it gets the job done does not mean it is okay. at the end of the day, you still committed this act and the harm you caused is real, having a good motive doesnt suddenly make it okay.

‘but tommy causes all of the conflict’ the disk war wasnt even caused by tommy, it was sapnap and then tommy got involved. and the reason why tommy even caused conflict was because of the discs, because he wanted them back. and most of the time there was a level of antagonism from another party, such as schlatt exiling him, dream taking the disks in the first place, dream threatening l’manberg. and if dream wanted to end the conflict so badly, why didnt he just give tommy back his disks? tommy upfront said everything started with the disks, so he wants them back so he could end the conflict. notice how after tommy got his disks back he has been staying out of conflict, apologizing to everyone, and the only bad thing hes done is try to scam people but everyone does that. this would have been the most peaceful option, yet dream chose the path that would further antagonize tommy which then draws everyone else into conflict. why did dream need to have leverage over tommy so badly? why did he want to hold power over tommy so badly? its because of control, and that’s ultimately dreams end goal. sure he wants a big server family, but would said family have a free will?

‘but dream is sad’ the thing is dream is completely at fault for everything that happened to him. he pushed away sapnap (and george ig). he tried to take control over the server and their possessions. literally everything that happened to tommy. literally everything involving ranboo. villains can be sympathetic, i am not arguing against that. but it does not mean that they should be left off the hook. that doesnt mean u should ignore the shit theyve done because ‘oh no theyre sad’ because it doesnt make anything better. dream had this shit coming for him.

now people also skirt around calling dream an abuser. which is fair ig, its a very loaded word. its much easier to say manipulated. that being said, dream can classify as abusive. and no, tommy is not abusive. abuse is about control and a power imbalance. dream has power over tommy, but tommy does not have power over dream, at least not in the way dream does. he’s taking back power to stand up for himself, dream uses power to control.

the reasons i listed for why dream is from the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project so if u want a source on that, there you go.

using coercion or threats: dream often threatened tommy, such as the pit thing and often employed violence on him. while normally this could be attributed to Normal Minecraft Player Go Smack. minecraft mechanics cannot always translate to real world since violence is pretty normal in minecraft however we also need to consider the context of the scene. dream gave an order, tommy refused, dream applies violence, tommy submitted. thats why its a threat, it has tangible effects that can correlate to real life.

using intimidation: dream blew up logsteadshire as a punishment. dream also destroyed tommys items anytime he visited. dream also hit tommy with his axe i believe. he killed mushroom henry, one of tommys pets.

Using Emotional Abuse: dream guiltripped the shit out of tommy for just hiding things and pinning the blame on tommy for just wanting his own private items. he definitely played mind games on tommy, pretending to be his friend. honestly i probably dont even need to go as in depth because it was so obvious.

Using Isolation: putting him in exile in the first place. destroying the bether portal so no one could visit tommy anymore. i really dont think i need to expand upon that.

Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming: dream in tommys stream when he got trapped said that exile wasnt that bad. he does shift the blame onto tommy for logsteadshire being blown up, even though dreams reaction was entirely unjustified for not listening and hiding.

Using Economic Abuse: see this is where i attempt to parallel minecraft mechanics to real life. obviously, there is no monetary system in place, so when i mean economic, i will use valuables such as armor, food, etc in place of currency. the idea behind economic abuse is to limit the victim’s resources so that they are dependent on the abuser and cannot escape. dream only really allowed tommy to have the armor he gave him while not giving access to armor so he does not regain a sense of power, and in the prison stream, dream holds all the potatoes which puts him in a position of power over tommy. this argument is more ambiguous i feel cause the whole minecraft mechanics thing is kinda weird so u don’t necessarily have to take this part in.

i feel like i need to emphasize this very strongly because dream is not a good person. abuse cannot and should not be a response to someone. its an awful mentality to have. i just want to prove the point that dream is not a good person, his reasons absolutely do not justify his actions.

what makes a good redemption

redemption arcs are tricky. when done right they are great. when done poorly, its a slap in the face. rn im going to establish a formula to what makes a good redemption with an example.

the most well known example of a good redemption is zuko from atla. first, its the magnitude of what theyve done and why. zuko did commit some shitty actions, since he was in a position of power in the fire nation but its because he is a child being abused and wanted to regain honor. zukos real awful acts was season 1 and the whole betrayal thing. thats not to say that zukos actions suddenly are okay, he did shitty things. but its something that can be traced to a higher entity or seem less malicious then the other villains. the thing also about the magnitude of actions is that there is a certain point of atrocities that there is no redemption. some people simply cannot be redeemed because the actions they commit are so ingrained in their character or the action itself has serious moral issues that it would just be wrong.

the next is acknowleding what they did was wrong. a genuine reflection on the self and analyzing what they did and why it was not okay. zuko realized what he did to uncle iroh was bad for example. he turned his back on his father, realizing he didnt and shouldnt seek acknowledgment from someone as heinous as him. its pointing out your actions and going ‘hey, this wasnt right i should not have done this’ and not even excusing ur actions. its also going straight for the root of the problem and figuring out to stamp it from the source. just because a character is sad does not mean they are reflecting, sometimes they are attempting to garner pity. it has to be direct and clear acknowledgement of the injustice.

and finally, an important part about redemption arcs is the actual redemption part. its when you make amends. zuko made amends with katara by trying to help her get revenge, he fought against the fire nation and tried to make things more peaceful in his rule. he apologized to iroh. an important part of the amends section is that it does have to be a genuine desire to change and become a better person, not to change a person’s perception of you. the thing is u cant expect a person youve hurt to forgive you. you cant expect people to be sympathetic towards you nor should u attempt to make urself sympathetic. u shouldnt be expecting a pat on the back or an award. redemption is about internal and character change.

why dream should not be redeemed

ive already established the key points to a good redemption (imo) but heres where dream falls short. his actions are extremely heavy so redemption may not even really be possible. abuse is not something you can wave off so it does cross to the point of fucked up. acknowledgement of what he did was wrong? all he said was that he changed, yet never explained why he changed or was too vague. he needed to label specifically what he did and bring it up. attempting to make amends? he’s been doing the exact opposite in fact he continues to manipulate tommy and ranboo. its not a genuine change. he is still repeating the cycle and has given no indication of ceasing. at the moment he does not have any signs of redemption.

and the thing is most of the attention around a dream redemption comes from either justifying his motives (which i do want to emphasize does not make anything suddenly okay) and because he is sad in prison sad face. these are not good reasons. its gonna pain me severely to bring this up but snape from harry potter does have some form of sad character ig yet he very much abused his authority to bully children as old as 11 just because he said ‘aight gonna die’ doesnt suddenly make his general bigotry and abuse suddenly okay there is a threshold. again im so sorry for using harry potter as an example none were coming to mind and i needed a popular one i do not like harry potter please dont say i do i would pass away.

and the last thing to consider is the audience. keep in mind that the audience is composed of minors and while yes there are adults, minors are the main component of the fandom. keep in mind that there are quite a few people who can relate to tommys character because they might be in the same position or have gone through his experiences. tell me what kind of message does it send to that audience that abusers can be redeemed. this is not a narrative u should push to this audience in these situations and the writers are seemingly aware of it. remember how in exile tommy spiraled into a suicidal mentality? consider how fucked of a message it would be if he just committed suicide instead of escaping abuse and attempting to recover from his experiences. tommy did an excellent job in not going that route and having a message of ‘it will not get better’. its the same thing here. victims are not obligated to care for or forgive their abuser, and portraying an abuser as sympathetic might fuck with the message a lot, even change their perception in that ‘oh, maybe my abuser was right, maybe they had a reason for treating me the way they did’. this is not to say that every victim watching this will internalize this message, but people also look up to these characters. there can be a degree of influence from the story onto oneself and thats the dangerous part.

conclusion

all in all dream is a shitbag asshole and probably shouldnt get a redemption because it would not be pog thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#dream smp #dsmp #tommyinnit #dreamwastaken

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waynedunlaptheorgandonor · 4 years ago

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can i say a sort of pointless rambly thing i was thinking about that i can't put under the cut bc i'm on mobile?

jk, i'm not actually asking. ramble below, not edited for clarity. the following is completely unclear and i will not fix it:

i've been thinking about how part of the reason i'm so chill about caryl is bc growing up as a queer woc 99% of my main ships were like, never gonna fucking happen bc they literally couldn't. it was like, "omg, they gazed at each other from across the room, let's analyze the homosexual subtext of this one scene for the next fifty years, that's not necessarily hyperbole." i've watched all my ships fuck other ppl/have other love interests, and i knew that my thing was never gonna be canon, so to see like, one thing being like, "one half of my ship fucked another person several years ago while pining for the other half of my ship," i'm like...#nice, bc that can and likely will be used as a plot point to get them together later on, whereas in other situations i've been in i just kinda had to deal with it. so my impulse when i see ppl losing their shit is to be like

and to be slightly annoyed, tbh, bc the ship is still on track to be canon, and it's like, literally two white heterosexuals, they're prime candidates for juicy angsty pining that actually gets a resolution.

but!

that being said, i recognize that that attitude isn't necessarily fair. for one thing, i'm not the only queer woc (or some variation thereof) in this fandom, and some ppl's impulse might be exasperation instead, bc like, "wtf, even my mayohet ship has dumb fucking drama," and that's valid as hell, and i get it.

and also, i get that, even if you didn't grow up shipping impossible ships (or mulder/scully, bc that's a brand of bullshit all its own), this has been a suuuuper drawn out process where sometimes it feels like they're legit sprinkling crumbs to keep you hooked, just to play you again, and when you are invested in something, like /rly/ invested, especially if it's a form of escapism or hyperfixation or whatever, that can be e x h a u s t i n g. and i get that. i truly do, and while i make a lot of snide comments about the fandom being bonkers, i do get where the bulk of you are coming from (unless you're one of those ppl who hate on actors and esp actresses for just doing their jobs, and attack them on social media, in which case i am very much judging you and you need to get your life together).

i also realize that in the scheme of things i'm still a newbie. i've been here, what, twoish/threeish years, whereas some of you have been here since the beginning, so i'm not as worn out as y'all. but i also think that gives me a bit of objectivity that some of y'all have (understandably) lost.

my positivity is not meant as a sleight against those of you who are feeling negative, but is more of a semi-objective viewpoint (i say semi, bc lbr, i'm invested af in this, so i definitely have bias), and to me the threads of the storyline they're crafting seem sort of obvious.

like, let's look at it, yeah? they have one season left of this show that has been on for over a decade. they need to cater to everyone to give them a satisfying ending, while still hanging on to carylers bc of the spin-off. darylrreah seems like a very calculated move, bc it gives them both something to make abcers happy, while also creating tension and suspense and pining for carylers (i think they might underestimate just how fed up some carylers are tbh, and are banking on us to hang on for one last ride, which, honestly? if they play it right will probably work.)

if they end up doing a dumb love triangle thing, which, without seeing the episode and gauging the subtext i can't confidently say if i think they will or won't, it will ultimately end in our favor. it has to, bc leah isn't going to third wheel them on the bike in the spin-off. we can say with good authority that whatever that relationship ends up being (again, idk if they'll drag it out or not) it will be temporary. which leaves caryl open to ride off into the sunset and then bone down in every state in the united states and in puerto rico for good measure.

it's a lot of cheap drama, but i really and truly do not think it's anything to worry about, and i still really and truly trust kang to not make it out of character. ik ppl still don't agree with me on that point, and i'm not gonna argue, but to me it really does make perfect sense.

and i also predict that they are gonna play it up hardcore in the promotional shit and talking dead, but when that happens, remember it's bc it gets attention. regardless of where the story is ultimately going, relationship drama gets attention, which gets viewers, which gets amc and twd producers nice and comfy with full pockets

idk. to sum up ig i just wanted to clarify that i don't mean any harm with my relentless positivity. my history in fandom has just made this seem like nothing in comparison, bc while ppl are freaking out, i'm like, "oh damn, they're actually gonna get together by the end of this, aren't they? i didn't know that could happen!" and that makes me excited instead of upset

and you definitely don't have to listen to me. maybe i'm actually wrong. maybe i'm completely full of bullshit and am just good at making things sound confident. i got a lot of As on papers in college over books i never read, i know how to bs. but i also know how to analyze, and i while i will be the first to tell you i am not the best at a great many things, i do know that i am good at critically analyzing text while taking into account the context it was written in, and imho all signs point to canon caryl. when, i'm not entirely sure, but i see it happening. if it doesn't then they severely fucked up their storytelling, and that'd just be bad writing on their part.

(if you want proof that i'm good at reading writers'/producers' intentions, consider that i watched like, 8 seasons of supernatural before giving up, and said to myself, "i think they're gonna make destiel canon, but not until the very last second bc they are rly into catering to their fans but also have to consider their dumb fanboy audience so they can't do anything crazy overtly gay," and guess who hit the nail on the fucking head on that one)

none of this is important, but it was rattling around my mind grapes and i wanted to write it down into something vaguely coherent, and where else better to do it than here. i can word vomit and then send it into the ether and pretend i never said a thing. i love this horrible website, nothing can compare

i have no real conclusion to this, it was mostly stream of consciousness, but i hope it sort of helps y'all understand where i'm coming from, and why i am as chill as i am about things. not about y'all. y'all cause me so much anxiety i get physically sick and have to legit block tags, but with the actual show content i'm zen as hell

the end ig?

it feels weird even signing off on this, but w/e

-diz

#idk #caryl #caryl positivity #caryl spoilers #twd s10 spoilers #dunlap tp

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gamerwoo · 5 years ago

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[Tales from the Pack] Jihoon: Unfamiliar (Part One)

Characters: Jihoon x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, familiar au, fantasy, kinda angst but kinda not???, a lil fluffy ig

Word count: 1,779

Summary: Jihoon’s never really been considered a warm or affectionate person. His pack teases him about what it’ll be like when he finally gets a mate, but he doesn’t worry about it. Little do they know that his mate is a lot closer than they think.

Tag list: @choiminjae0325 @heolykpop @fullsun-donghyuck @yoonbabe-d @exuwu @lets-get-1t @vintageot5 @sehunnies-hunnie96 @childfmoonn @wobwobkpop @henloimawierdobye @dirinast @joshwoah @wreckedbytae @salty-for-suga @janellxu @xu-miseo @uglyratlmao @sakura-uji @littleheartsays @onewoowonderboy @kesmonster @xxbluestrifexx @starlightshua @artistic-rendition (if you wanna be added please send an ask!!)

Unable to tag: @birthday-prinxess @sooooofrench

a/n: things in italics are in a dream. also uhhhh yeah so i never even got to start jihoon’s part in the og tftp so hopefully this goes well lmao i hope yall like it !!!!!!

Next | Unfamiliar Masterlist

The first time Jia saw you, she didn’t recognize you. She only knew you as the fluffy black cat with your bright green eyes and sharp teeth that poked out of your mouth.

“Hello?” her familiar, calming voice had you whipping around, almost excited to see the girl you’d help get back home.

But when you saw her, you paused as well -- just for a moment. You were so used to seeing the foreign girl from a much lower angle, so seeing her at your normal height made her look a little different than you remembered.

“Jiaying,” your face slowly broke into a smile. “It’s been a while.”

“We know each other?” she asked, but she didn’t seem afraid. Maybe a little confused, but her wide, blue eyes were full of curiosity rather than concern.

“Suppose I look a bit different when I’m not a cat,” you chuckled.

Jia’s eyes widened, “_____?”

“Nice to see you again.”

She ran up to you and wrapped her arms around your waist, giving you a tight hug and refusing to let go, “_____, I missed you!”

“Wow, okay,” you laughed, rubbing her back.

Honestly, you were kind of...happy she missed you. You didn’t expect her to, really. Maybe it was because you weren’t used to having friends. Maybe because you couldn’t really communicate with anybody. Maybe because you were just a cat to most people.

But you already knew Jia wasn’t most people.

“How are you suddenly here?” she asked, pulling back but keeping her hands on your waist. “Well, how am I here?”

“You tell me,” you shrugged. “It’s your power, isn’t it?”

You recalled back in the cottage when Jia explained her whole background to you. It was around the time she had realized you understood her, and it was mainly for her to keep sane. She would talk to you about anything and everything, and you’d just sit there and listen -- it wasn’t like you could give your two cents anyway.

“Is this what you look like as a human?” she asked, stepping back a few paces to look you over. She giggled. “You’re so cute!”

“Haven’t heard that a lot...” you chuckled, nodding your head slowly.

Jia’s expression suddenly turned serious, her bright blue eyes looking curiously into yours, “What exactly...happened to you, _____?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why don’t you look like this all the time?”

You ran a hand through your hair, letting out a gust of air as you shrugged, “I just can’t.”

You knew why. You knew very well the reason why. But you didn’t want to tell Jia. You knew she’d want to involve herself, and you didn’t want that. You didn’t want to give yourself a false sense of hope like you had years ago.

She frowned, her brows furrowing as she stared down at the ground. The two of you were in the forest -- not any location in particular -- and the sun seemed to be setting or rising. You weren’t completely sure. Dreams were weird.

“Are you going to come visit?” she wondered after a moment of her just staring down at the grass, finally raising her head again to look at you.

You shrugged, “Maybe.”

“I want you to.”

You couldn’t help but smile a bit, “Yeah, I know. But I’m not becoming your house cat, y’know.”

“You remind me of Jooyeon,” she stated with a warm laugh.

“Remind me which one that is again.”

“The thief.”

“Ah, right,” you nodded. “Well, I’m not sure if that should be a compliment, then.”

“_____, the offer’s always open,” Jia told you, changing the subject back. She seemed to excited to talk to you again to be able to focus on one thing, but you thought that was kind of adorable.

When you saw her before, she was more sad and lonely. She missed her family and you were just focusing on getting her back to them -- and getting that old hag killed was just a bonus. But now she was brighter and warmer and more excitable. You liked seeing this Jia. You were happy for her.

“Thanks,” you nodded, “but--”

“You don’t have to say anything about it,” she interjected. “Just...know it’s there, okay?”

You offered her a small half-smile, “Okay.”

“I’m going to wake up soon,” she sighed. “Jiwoo’s crying really loudly. I think Mingyu’s too tired to wake up.”

“Right, the dad,” you nodded, vaguely recalling her saying one of the werewolves had a child maybe half a year ago -- but that was maybe almost a month ago. The idea of having a family was so weird to you considering you hadn’t been in your human form for a long time. “Well...take care of yourself, alright?”

“You too,” she smiled softly.

And then she faded from your dream, leaving you alone with a weird, empty feeling.

You woke up not too long after that, your tail curled around yourself as you rested on the couch in the small cottage. You weren’t sure how long until someone came along and found it, but you continued to sleep there. You weren’t sure what else to do with yourself now other than sleep. You also had to find new means of feeding yourself, hoping you wouldn’t have to resort to catching field mice again. You didn’t necessarily have to eat, but feeling hungry was just uncomfortable. The witch made you catch your own food for a while until you just started stealing her breakfast and dinner before running out the window to eat it where she couldn’t bother you. Then, of course, there was Jia who took care of you properly.

Of course there was a part of you who wanted to go home with Jia. But you also knew that wasn’t where you belonged. You couldn’t live out your pathetic life as a pet. Even though you didn’t expect to fulfill what the witch had told you, you didn’t want to live for however long as some house cat. Besides, you didn’t want anyone knowing anything about you or why you were the way you were. Jia only gathered a little bit of information, and that was all you would allow.

Your eyes looked over to the window, seeing the sun just barely about to rise. You stretched and let out a silent yawn before hopping down from the couch, and making your way outside through the window in the kitchen. Then you went off in search of something to keep you entertained for the day, just like you did every other day.

Jihoon wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand as he straightened his back. Having fresh vegetables was nice, but gathering them when the hot sun was beating down on him kind of sucked. He would’ve much rather roped someone else into doing it alongside Minghao and Seungkwan, but he was an alpha and had to be responsible.

In the yard, he could hear Jiwoo’s soft giggles as Danbi played with her in her lap with Soomin, Mingyu’s grunts as he chopped firewood near the house with the ax that Jooyeon was proud to say she sharpened, and Seungcheol and Joshua attempting to fix a broken shutter on the second floor. The other wolves were inside either making food or doing other chores. Jooyeon was off at the market with Jeonghan to get groceries, and Jia had asked to tag along. While Minghao was definitely even more protective of her now, he knew he couldn’t live in fear of her being taken again -- plus the witch was dead thanks to him -- so he let her go, knowing Jeonghan and Jooyeon would keep sharp eyes on her.

“She was very excited to go, though,” Minghao had said when him, Seungkwan, and Jihoon had began working in the vegetable garden. “More excited than normal.”

“Is she still hoping to find that cat?” Seungkwan scoffed. “The witch is gone, so the cat probably is, too.”

“But it was with her at the cottage. Junhui tried to find it for her after but it ran off.”

But even while working, Jihoon didn’t think much of the situation or the cat. Even though Junhui still liked to poke fun at him for how much he seemed to like the fluffy black cat, it was still just a cat. It wasn’t significant to him, and it was easily forgotten. Why would he be hung up on some animal, anyway? It had been a month since he’d seen it.

“Hao!” Jia’s voice called as she walked around the back of the house from the front with Jeonghan, and Jooyeon flanking hthem, Jeonghan carrying the majority of the groceries while Jooyeon only had two bags.

“Home already?” Minghao asked as he stood up from his work, his t-shirt damped with sweat that also slicked his black hair back.

“Did you happen to grab any lemons?” Seungkwan asked with a slight whine in his voice. “I want some of Danbi’s lemonade.”

“Then grow some,” Jooyeon deadpanned before heading inside to put groceries away -- she tried to take some of the bags from Jeonghan, but he shooed her away.

“Did you have fun?” Minghao asked, walking through the garden to meet his mate halfway. “You seemed eager to leave.”

“Because I saw _____ in my dream!” she grinned.

“Who?” Mingyu called from where he was still chopping up firewood, his shirt long since discarded.

“The cat,” both Minghao and Jia replied.

“I was hoping maybe she’d be at the market,” Jia explained before he face slowly began to fall, “but...I don’t think she was.”

Jihoon turned around to look at Jia, running a hand through his sweaty hair, “Remind me again the significance of this cat?”

Jia merely shrugged, “I liked her.”

Jihoon sighed and shook his head. He knew that couldn’t be all there was to it -- Jia liked a lot of animals but she didn’t wander out in the forest looking for the squirrel she fed from her palm once -- but he also knew it was useless to fight with her on this. Jia was a strange girl -- very sweet and likable, but strange. Peculiar was probably the proper word.

“How did you have a dream with a cat in it?” Seungcheol wondered as he held the ladder that Joshua had climbed up to fix the shutter.

“Yeah, that seems...weird,” Joshua agreed, not looking away from where he was hammering a nail into the wood.

But while the pack debated on the accuracy of Jia’s story and reasoning, Jihoon just went back to work and drowned them all out.

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cloveroctobers · 4 years ago

Text

ANNA-JULIA “AJ” (JONES) JARLETT

IG bio/info: @/annajj9x_ | 20.1k followers| Athlete | hey peeps can you stop asking me to throw it back cuz the answer will always be no! K thx take it easy 🏳️‍🌈🌻🏒🐶

21 years old

From bath, England

Hockey player as her profession for the past three years

Her position is defense

Their team name is “rowdy alphas”...yeah some team names just didn’t make sense or they’re cringe for no reason at all

Was raised by her mom,(her mom was a teen mom & had her at 17) maternal grandmother, and her paternal aunt (dad’s younger sister, who’s more like a big sister to her at 28)

They’ve made her into the person she is, literally

Her grandmother has a bed and breakfast that they all live in

the house is Victorian style—almost as if they walked right out of charmed! Instead of a big pink house, think yellow AND purple. It was hideous but homey and charming on the inside

growing up in a house with multiple temporary strangers wasn’t odd to aj at all, in fact it felt like the norm. There was always someone around to socialize with so that was quite nice

Her father was a pro baseball player & passed away due to a automobile accident

she has his smile & freckles

aj was also involved in the accident at the age of 6 & miraculously survived with intense injuries

Has scars as a reminder

used to have night terrors because of the accident...it took awhile—years!!! for them to subside

they’re all vague memories now (but the pain is something she’ll always remember) but she preferred it that way

she’s named “Anna” after her mother’s old best friend/roommate and was supposed to be aj’s god mother but she went missing during their uni years

the name“Julia” came from her paternal grandmother who she gets her wide doe eyes from

her athleticism definitely came from her dad

Her mother luckily liked to document things so there’s a bunch of home videos of her dad in them & pictures/scrapbooks that her mom has for safe keeping

She’s more of a klutz, tiny, and wears huge prescription glasses

extremely close to the three most important ladies in her life, so she’s always been able to be open with them about anything!

when she first expressed her interest in liking both genders around 17-18 her paternal aunt was all smirks, “i knew Britney Spears was so your type, yeah?”

more like shakira but Brit was just as pretty

her mother was a “cry baby” so ofc she burst out into tears squeezing aj’s limbs and peppering her face with kisses. She didn’t view her child as anything different... as she shouldn’t & was glad that her daughter trusted them with this significant moment in her life and wanted to be as supportive as she could

got books, watched Ted talks and everything but knew she could come to the source even tho aj was still figuring it out herself

her grandma dipped her head at the new info sitting at the round kitchen table, “been there. had a few broads in my life after and during my marriage with your no good grandad. Thank goodness the bastard died before you even got to meet ‘em.” “Mum!”

what felt like the biggest weight on her chest was lifted. She knew they’d understand but a part of her had a little bit of doubt, she’s heard so many horror stories where those like her didn’t have the support she has and that made her extremely sad to think about

i see her as a person that has/had many friends in secondary. She’s always open to chat and her being on a few sports teams helped her out in her case

very competitive in anything that she does & will guarantee that she’ll beat you. (“ You wanna race to the car from here?”wins. “Who ever cleans the most dishes the fastest gets the last slice of pie.”) majority of the time she’s right but if she loses?? oh don’t let her lose to you, it’s a pity party for the rest of the time ur in her space. Such a sore loser omg

stays active, always working out + has a gym membership and makes sure she goes at least five times a week

she’s very strong, loves leg day & working on her core

she’s about 5’10

loves wearing “gf jeans” since they’re super comfy but doesn’t mind skinny Jeans with rips in the knees every now and then

trainers and chucks are her go-to sneakers

has no issue shopping in the men’s section ‘cause who’s gonna stop her? Nobody that’s who

owner of over a 100 graphic tees + vertical stripped shirts are also her favs, SWEATPANTS/joggers?! How many does she have? A lot. Snapbacks? Plenty. Will she wear them backwards? Obviously.

Physical touch is her love language. She’s comes from a family that has no issue showing their affection by touch. There is NO such thing as personal space and that still stands with aj when it comes to relationships, she sees no other way

It’s what she shows and what she wants in return, if you’re not touching her in some sort of way, then automatically she thinks there’s something wrong or that she did something

Is the jealous type. It has shown in relationships and ruined a relationship or two

Has cheated on a significant other out of pure jealousy & is not proud to admit that

Does have a wandering eye but feels now that she truly understands herself when it comes to relationships, she’ll never act on it again

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I get libra tendencies from her so that’s what I’m sticking with. She likes to keep the peace (unless she’s jealous) , idealistic — always looking on the bright side of things, outgoing, romantic, and professional— especially when it comes to her team; her true leadership comes out, yet she can be indecisive, hates confrontation, self pitying — if things don’t go perfectly how she imagined/planned it to, the world is ending and everyone is out to get her, and can be unreliable—never on time

September libra to be exact

if she’s really in love/taken a interest in you then she gets nervous: blushing, sweaty palms, cracking her knuckles, tongue tied—the whole 9

she’s already defined as a puppy by her coach but when she’s in love? She’s a lovesick puppy!

her fav holiday is Valentine’s Day

thought she was going to be a pro skateboarder growing up but it took one bad fall where she thought she was paralyzed for her to choose something else

she likes her weed on occasion

Obsessed with all types of cheese except cottage, “can I put cheese on this?”

more of a jumpsuit kinda girl or dressy top with jeans & hoops on a night out

has a solid group of mates outside of the hockey team, they’ve all met and hung out a couple of times, as they should since aj feels they’re going to be stuck with her for awhile so why not?

They’re a riot when they all go out, let’s just say that there’s never a dull moment

fav color is periwinkle

enjoys ASMR, mostly in the mornings when she’s waking up. You know how people love podcasts? (Sorry seb & Nicky, she still wants to be on the show soon!) ASMR is her thing

loves tangerines, you can count on it that she’ll have one on her, “where did you pull that from?” “I’ll never share my master plan.” “You’re such a tit.”

Definitely prefers “fresh squeezed” orange juice & will make her own, she has the tools & the strength 😏

Very rare for her to get sick ;) & if she does she’s a complete baby about it

Will fight that she’s sick before she admits it, trying all sorts of horrid remedies & vitamins

loves summer & all things that come with it, the number one thing is leaving bath for however long she can for a new place to enjoy

when she arrived to love island, she was thrilled for the weather. Yes she was looking for love but most importantly a nice get away & that it was (depending on your route that is lol)

closest with seb, vieve, elladine, and tai but don’t tell the others that! (She doesn’t care if you tell Yasmin, honestly)

just because her & seb “dated” and it didn’t work out doesn’t mean they can’t be friends right? It was almost automatic for them to be platonic after it was determined there would be no romance between them, almost like sibs! like those celebs like to say—except this time these two won’t turn around and actually find romance

vieve came with seb so...but no shade aj did like vieve. She gave great advice (while seb sometimes didn’t say the right things unintentionally or what aj needed to hear) when needed, especially from a medical view and is very sweet

elladine was the one who had all the tea & ideas to match, she’s quite organized and always down for DIY’s and could suggest almost anything. If you needed someone to help you get things tidy or match/find your Aesthetic, she’s the friend you call to help

tai was the one she could be a “bro” with, sure elladine has her competive side (or controlling, depends on how you view it) but tai was the one you can run to for much needed “bro hugs”, partying, going to the pubs, playing sports with or against, checking out/flirting with babes, etc...

it was not long after the villa that aj had a revelation with her sexuality & fully owned and labeled herself as a lesbian

She was happy being in relationship with someone else or with herself, life was short and she was young so there wasn’t time to dwell and stress over things so what the hell?! Live your truth the best way you know how ya know?

probably smells like sweet citrus, almond flower, and sea salt

on chest days, she’s a sweets snacker. Loves gummy bears (also with vodka) , swedish fish, sour patch kids, etc...basically shit that sticks to ur teeth

put all her chips into hockey, while it was advised by her Counselors & mum not to do so, aj went about it anyway. She thought about the pros and cons but knew there was nothing else for her. So there were more pros than cons. She was meant to play sports, its what felt right in her soul

Made her feel connected to her father, when she’s on the field she feels that he is with her

scrunches up her nose when she’s frustrated or confused about something

Doesn’t always grasp concepts right away, she’s a soft dummy but most of us are and that’s okay! We’re all smart in our own ways

Feels like sunflowers are always around her especially if she sees them wherever she is. They must symbolize SOMETHING, therefore she loves them

spf queen. All about it, get with it or let the sunrays ruin ur skin that’s on u

loves a good filet mignon medium-well & is probably the only good thing she knows how to make alongside a salad, baked potatoes, & her oj

sucker for romantic-comedies...it’s basically her life duh!

If she has a dog, it’s a Dalmatian or Great Dane. She needs a companion that’ll keep up with her

loves kissing, it’s her favorite form of intimacy

Quarantine life included the push up challenge for her. Gaining a few pounds in muscle and fat, bothering seb via ft, viewing old letters she wrote to her dad, spending time with her fav ladies since they were now restricted from having guests in their home, and letting boredom consume her + she hated the whole lockdown that came with it, she hated being indoors for long periods of time but she knew that’s what partly needed to be done

Posts a lot of beach, park, outings with her friends & team, moments with her fav ladies, workout videos, and guests at the b&b with their permission and if only she befriends them along the way. She’s just as active on the socials as she is in rl but she’s not obsessed with it, she knows how to live in the now. She’s all about balance!

I also feel like she never keeps her phone charged and it’s always dying on her! She had a car charger but...that’s a jungle. She needs to invest in a portable charger stat

crushing on/finds attractive: Jared Padalecki, Keanu Reeves, Barrett Doss, Camilla Luddington, Sandra Bullock, Adrian Kempe, Harry Kirton, Anya Taylor-Joy, Haley Lu Richardson, Naomi Osaka, Ming & Aoki Lee Simmons

who does she listen to? Shakira lol!! Bea Miller, Dua Lipa, Daya, XYLØ, Elley Duhé, Stela Cole, Aloe Blacc, Maroon 5, Lewis capaldi, Charlie Puth, girl in red, Hayley kiyoko, king princess, dodie, & tessa violet

Anthem: Icona Pop — we got the world

#litg #litg3 #litg s3 #litg aj #litg mc #litg oc #litg seb #litg genevieve #litg elladine #litg tai #litg yasmin #litg headcanon #litg moodboard #I felt like the pressure was on for her so sorry if this sucked lol #litg headcanons

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miss-ali-lawliet · 4 years ago

Note

Hello

For the ask game:

3. what do you think about Light? 10, 24 and 25, please.

Thank you for the asks and honestly great questions!! I have a feeling this most is going to be a bit long, so hopefully I can get my thoughts and everything out in a way that’s easy to keep up with!

Also spoiler warning for those who haven’t finished the series!

~~~

3. What do you think about Light?

I honestly have SO many mixed feelings about him, like it’s hard to just be like ‘oh i hate him’ or ‘oh I love him’ because it just isn’t that simple for me personally, which that itself is a great sign of a character since you have to think about that sort of thing with them. Right off the bat though, I’d like to say that I think Light as a character is phenomenal. He takes the character-type of what many would consider as the ‘perfect guy’ for the main character but twists it in a way that makes the reader/viewer question the protagonist their supposed to be rooting for.

I also think of Manga!Light and Anime!Light as different people to an extent, as in the manga you watch a seemingly ‘normal’ guy who has issues with the world deal with the sudden power that was thrown on him. I talked about it before in my last ask post, but the scene after Light killed his first person after testing out is a great way to express how he feels, and is one of the few times we really see Light show THAT much emotion. He shows regret and guilt, thinking himself as a murderer and you can tell how it affected him. Anime!Light you don’t get that, and instead he seemed to just take on the task of being Kira and god of the new world without much else thought. I definitely prefer M!Light in comparison to A!Light to say the least, so I’m going to focus a bit more on the M!Light side of things.

I personally found myself wanting to have hope for Light, even though I knew that he wasn’t going to get better but instead worse over time, and honestly it’s probably better story wise to keep him as the ‘bad guy’ who stays bad instead of trying to pull a redemption arc out of no where or something. I have a feeling I’m beginning to ramble, so I’m going to try to wrap this up.

I have a love-hate relationship with Light, because even though I don’t agree with his actions and the tactics he uses to get the ‘perfect world’ he wants, and I do find his thinking flawed and find him very arrogant the more power/ego Kira gains over the world as the story goes on. Yet I find him as a character in general just fascinating. I was definitely more on L’s side of things and found myself enjoying a majority of the scenes where people simple put Light in his place and treat him like a dude with a god complex rather than what he wants/expects. There’s just a lot of thoughts I have about him, but yeah it’s just a love-hate sort of thing for me when it comes to Light.

~~~

10. Do you ship any characters?

I usually find myself being a bit of a multishipper when it comes to most fandoms, it just depends on the source material and the characters obviously. I definitely can enjoy a lot of the ships when it comes to the fandom, but even if I don’t like a pairing I do my best to remain pretty respectful about it.

One thing to note is that I can’t really find myself shipping L with anyone in the series to be honest, like I can find myself enjoying his relationship dynamics of characters but with my own interpretations and DR stuff, It’s hard to view him with someone else romantically.

Some ships I like/don’t mind though (especially when it comes to au stuff as most of these in canon probably wouldn’t work out lol): Matt x Mello, Mikalight, Rem x Misa ig? (more like the concept is sweet i think even though in canon Misa treats her pretty badly and Rem said she doesn’t think of her that way), uhhh. My brain is pulling a blank right now but these are the main ones that come to mind.

Some platonic pairings I enjoy (as there are a lot more of these for me): Matt + Mello, Mello + Near, Matsuda + Misa, Honestly all the task force have really interesting dynamics with one another, L + Watari (obviously in a father/parent way, I just like seeing their interactions), Ryuk + Light, Ryuk + Misa, L + Matsuda’s relationship is honestly pretty funny to me and honestly L’s dynamics with the task force is also interesting as well.

I think that’s it when it comes to shipping stuff atm

~~~

24. Any headcanons you’d like to share?

Oh! I feel like I have a couple but at the moment my mind is pulling a blank for some reason. Some head canons that do come to mind though deal with my Death Note DRs in some way but they can also be interpreted with the actual series itself, so hopefully this is good enough! Usually I do better with a certain prompt of some sort though for future references though!

I’ve seen a post a bit ago about Matt and Mello being roommates of some sort at Wammy House and they find themselves in that roommate mentality still when they do room together, and honestly I agree so much with that.

When Mello leave the Wammy House I see him not contacting Matt or anyone from Wammy House as he turns his focus on his side of the Kira Case, even if apart of him misses them and what he grew up around. Yet he pushes through because he’s stubborn and wants to do whatever he can on his own with the Mafia without involving someone like Matt, probably for his safety. After the explosion though when he has no one on his side, I think that’s when he realizes there’s only one other person he can truly trust and rely on and that’s when he contacts Matt to help him on the case.

Not really a headcanon as the author himself mentioned that the rivalry between Mello and Near was one-sided and that Near actually liked Mello, I do see both boys sometimes wondering what it would have been like if they didn’t have that rivalry and became friends instead. I honestly see Mello thinking that more towards the end of the case and after the explosion, but at that point he’s probably thinking it’s too late to even pursue a friendship like that with him.

I like to think that at Wammy House, Matt didn’t really understand Mello’s rivalry with Near and at times questioned him about it at first but he was pretty supportive

He didn’t have anything against Near though and was pretty indifferent on the whole thing personally, but if it made Mello happy and helped him achieve a goal he had no reason to deny.

Matt in general in general is someone that gives the vibes of not caring about much, but if you’re close to him he is literally SO loyal?? Like if someone close to him has an issue, even if he might make a comment or remark, he is always there to back them up.

I like to think that over time Light actually enjoys Ryuk’s presence, kind of like a sense of some sort of comfort that he isn’t alone of some sort? Like at first he might have been annoyed and still gets annoyed whenever he acts annoying and distracts him from work, but also I think he doesn’t like hate his company. Probably would rather be around him than Misa unfortunately </3

I think that L and Chief Yagami had a pretty good friendship, or perhaps not friendship but i’m not sure what to call it atm. Like I think L respected him a lot and Soichiro was the same towards him, and I think at times if they decided not to talk about the Kira case it’s usually pretty good for the most part.

It’s not really a headcanon but Matsuda trying his best to get some positive attention for things he does in the case is funny and kinda sweet. Most of the time L probably ignores his antics and doesn’t really feed into it, but there’s like one or two times where he actually does

It’s probably very small, probably something along the lines of “Good job.” or something but Matsuda feels so happy that he even acknowledged him like that and didn’t call him stupid for once. Definitely was a good boost in his mood

I find the thought of Light and Ryuk playing video games early on when he first gets the notebook charming in an almost funny way. Like Light probably either was talked into it by the shinigami or was like ‘screw it, I have nothing else to do atm’ and Ryuk is just happy he can actually do something and not just watch him working

Light is definitely competitive in games though, like he’ll probably try to act like it wouldn’t matter but like most things with him, but it did lmao

I find the thought of the wammy kids doing things to mess with/annoy Roger so entertaining. Like I feel bad for him, but if I were asked to assist in the pranks or antics I probably would just for his reaction alone

Think that’s all for random misc head canons for now, if you want something more specific just send a request!

~~~

25. Ramble on about whatever you’d like

Thank you for this one! I usually feel a little guilty whenever I ramble on about things in general, but the fact that some people are interested in my thoughts on things is so sweet!

At the moment though I’m honestly not too sure what to ramble about as there’s a lot on my mind and it’s hard to pick one thing and honestly it can be a bit hard to go through all my thoughts at times.

But! One thing I will always stand behind that ya’ll have probably seen countless of times so far is that the Wammy Boys deserved better and I will always say it if necessary tbh. Speaking of wammy house though, that comes to mind is that I wish I could learn more about it at times, yet I also enjoy the mystery of it in a way. It’s something I’d be so down to learn more about, but if not I’d be pretty okay with that outcome. Plus just leaves things for fans to interpret in their own ways if they want, and that’s something I definitely enjoy when it comes to the fandom is how they take something vague and turn it into so much more.

Also speaking of the fandom I’m surprised yet so thankful/grateful for is that the death note fandom is still going on here. It was such a relief seeing that I wasn’t alone in my hyperfixions and thoughts, and seeing all the talent in the art, writing, etc, is just amazing and something I look forward to a lot in all honesty. I’m also just so thankful for the people that take time out of their day to look at my blog in general. You like, reblog, or follow me? I literally want to be your best friend and if I wasn’t so nervous about starting conversations with ya’ll I definitely would have messaged a couple of ya’ll a while ago. Until then I hope you just read this and see me on your blogs and hope my reactions and comments is enough until I get less nervous lmao.

One last thing before i close the blog off is that I love L with my full heart and I adore Matt and Mello so very much. My favorite lads <3

~~~

Alright that should be it for this post! If you stuck around, thank you!

Some future posts to expect: Matt, Mello, + a f!reader based on the dream I talked about before, some L angst, and possibly something with Light :)

Anyways have a great day/night and here’s a reminder to stay hydrated and eat something if you haven’t already <3

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maddiefriendlovesbilly · 5 years ago

Note

Spencer x Ghost?

Spencer x Ghost

(AAAAA- it has been months since you sent this to me, and all i can say is im so sorry) Side note I have my friend @lethalbreadkills helping me with this one!

For reference: Maddie (maddiefriendlovesbilly) is green, Jimmy (lethalbreadkills) is red (((its 4:30 at the time i have joined this so im dead braincell wise sorry yall))) and Orange is stuff we decided together :3

Also this is so very chaotic im so sorry for this anon but this has been in my fuckin drafts for SO LONG and this is the only way its getting finished (its now 5 am uwu) im so sorry for all the shitposting i do its a mess. I shouldnt have been allowed here. (we finished at about 5:30 am its hell <3)

Sphost? Ghencer?? Sphoster??? I adore and despise them all equally.

We have decided that it should be BeanieGhost

Anyway I think this ship is really cute

They’re both so neurotic I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue

One of them starts a rant on some topic and the other joins the hell in

I’m an advocate of LETTING SPENCER INFO DUMP BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT OKAY

And Ghost would let this dream come true???

I would die for both of them and if Spencer told me I had to die I wouldn’t even complain, no questions I’d just be like “Aight.” I trust him that much.

(Not sure I trust Ghost’s judgment enough to do that unquestioningly; sorry Ghost)

Back on topic

I can’t imagine these guys on anything that comes close to society’s definition of a date

It’d be more like “hey you wanna come on this hunt with us?” “maybe, depends if there’ll be snacks” or like chilling in Spence’s room binging the entire star trek: original series in one sitting or “oops sorry about that level 11 entity that attached to my soul and is now wreaking havoc in your house, wanna make out later to make up for it?” “Fine but you also have to play three rounds of Call of Duty with me afterward”

They wouldn’t be romantic often but like highkey? I can see them throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other with a recklessness only they could survive

We can’t forget that Spencer is a more than 60,000-year-old overpowered demon/god/entity/thing, which, yes, could throw a slight wrench in this ship for multiple reasons, but I choose to make angst out of it instead.

Side note: Ghost is a chronic conspiracy theorist (and you can’t tell me otherwise) and every once in awhile Spencer will offhandedly say something like “Y’know I helped the Egyptians build the pyramids” and Ghost just goes fucking feral.

Look, I’m not saying Spencer IS touch-starved and most likely has issues creating and developing relationships and therefore avoids interpersonal connection, especially offline, but I AM saying he is prime material for it. (thats a lie thats exactly what shes saying don’t believe it) (I’m projecting okay dont judge me) (loser imagine projecting)

Imagine with me for a second: Why does Spencer willingly stay with a family who locks him in their basement with only minor complaining? He’s a near all-powerful entity just released into the world for Spence’s-sake - If he wanted to, there’s no telling what havoc he could wreak! So why doesn’t he? Why would someone so powerful, so terrifying, so dangerous that a group of people decided to seal him away forever stay with the first family he finds in sub-par conditions for years - especially someone who’s seen to be as high-maintenance as Spencer? Let me hit you with a theory: He’s chasing the feelings of validation, safety, and love - no matter how rarely it’s shown - that a family can provide. Being socially isolated for even a few years can do a number to a person’s psyche (I should know, I’m projecting onto this character right now), let alone thousands.

Now maybe Ghost can’t match thousands of years in isolation, but damn if he doesn’t have a few years of crippling loneliness on his record too.

I can see the two of them learning how to be vulnerable around others together, emotionally and physically; learning how to open up and how to talk through issues; and some third point, because points are better in threes.

(May I suggest that these losers are both trans but thats just me adding in my own projection lmao)

(You absolutely may)

Imagine the conversation thats just “so i have a murderer in my head thats an ass” “rip to u ig sounds like a you problem :///”

imo spence has trouble expressing emotions other than like,,, annoyance and haughtiness, its like sort of his go-to defence, so showing Ghost his emotions is a big step for him

I hear you, and i say yes good. (found this one headcanon that i kinda live by where he was uh, either autistic or adhd i dont remember but theres that too) OH yeah that would be at thing huh. Spencer: *is emotionally vulnerable @ ghost* ghost: oh shit im trusted??? Oh fuck uh.

Yeah so like…. Ghost and spence showing emotion at eachother is kind of :flushed: ghost be like: whats an emotion. Imagine having emotions fuciiing loser hhaha,,,, *laughs nervously*

Ghost is also very emotionally distant with most people so it would probably be like “what??? The fuck?? Emotions?????? You have those???”

Ghost and Spencer be like *gay*

So another idea is that maybe Spencer realizes Ghost doesnt play any games [like the uncultured SWINE he is] and decides he must [remedy] this and so he introduces him to like, nintendo first. (some bitches thought that said nintendo fortnite. Im bitches) and theyre playing like, mario kart or smash or smth and Ghost gets really [fuckin into it]

Ghost and spencer: *literally in eachothers laps playing fucking wii tennis*

Spooker: what are the- *TOAST FUCKING SLAPS A HAND ACROSS HIS MOUTH* shut up you dont wanna know what happens when its mentsonssbfdjfsd (sorry i had a stroke uwuwuwuw)

(Theyre in denial we don’t judge in this house)

They will not hesitate to play dirty either, they will straight up push each other over and vaguely flirt

Ghost is losing and straight up fucking goes “ur hot” and spencer actually dies and boom ghost is the winner. sparkle emoji Magic sparkle emoji

“I am Not a HomoSexual:™:” “Yeah, sure you aren’t” “Screw off”

Pet-names-ish: Asshole, Gaymer-Boy, casual insults, Mr. Spirit Bitch, Mistake, Loves Ghosts More Than His Boyfriend What A Fucking Loser aka Gay-ass

Pros:

They both open up a lot most likely. Gain someone to trust since they’ve sort of been through the same things (though on much different scales)

I can see soft hours of hanging in each other’s bedrooms

Spencer is a tsundere you cant tell me otherwise youre just a coward if you disagree

So is Ghost so this can only go well

Every time Ghost has to solve a case at the Acachallas Spence is just peaking out from his basement like “the fuck is this?? Hot Man??????”

Enemies to lovers 500k (Gets Hot and Steamy :flushed: NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!11!!!!! 18+!!!!!!! GAY LOVE StORY!!!!!!) Lemonz!!! Made from teh Sexiest of Wattpaders UWUWUWU YAOI Boys Love don’t like don’t read!! (this is so fucking stupid jkfnd) I hate this with a passion Q^Q. All my years of being a basic watpad fanboy have helped me to the moment i bring maddie to tears

The steam is just like,,,,, holding hands and being angy all the fuckin time the steam is literal because their anger translates into actual steam

Cons:

Their angst has nowhere to go and it just sits between them like two raccoons at a dumpster-style mexican standoff

They really start off hating each other huh. Like, I know this can still lead to healthy relationships but neither of them are very good at healthy relationships with people he hasn’t known for his Whole Life so that’s an Oh No.

They totally feed off of each other’s stupidity (but this could be seen as a pro too so take that as you will) as well as anger - im talking one-upping each other kinda shit

Its ridiculous honestly how intense it gets, like they straight up need intervention sometimes because they dont realize they can just STOP

Conclusions:

I think this would be a relationship that would that a lot of time and hard work to make work, but i think in the end it would be really super cute!! Like it would make no fuckin sense to anyone else but somehow they’d understand each other and help each other through their similar issues. Also theyre both big nerds in different ways and i think they’d have just ranting sessions back and forth over and over and it would be soft!!!!! So yeah, i think it would work, at least, i want it to :D

So. Maybe?? I feel like it could, but they’d need to work pretty hard to make it healthy and not constant fighting. Could be stupid amounts of cute and wholesome but also could be stupid amounts of oh no and pain, depending on how the two act. If they learned how to get along with each other and work past their differences it could be super cute and soft. Just a very, er, bumpy beginning. And middle. And end. (this makes me very nervous,,,,why did you mention an end) (wouldnt you like to know weather boy) (TvT) UFDUNS bumpy but soft . Agreeing with the loser gay, want this to work it’d be interesting :3

#spencer x ghost #jess writes #ishhhhh???????#venturiantale #venturiantale pie #johnny ghost #spencer acachalla #johnny toast #jimmy casket #fred spooker #let me know if you enjoyed this or not it was intense #sr #ship review #ship reviews #vt ships #vt ship reviews #vt ship review #vt sr

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v-le · 5 years ago

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Ktravels / Klife: After a year in korea Final Thoughts

Foreword: Surprise, surprise, procrastination got the best of me for quite some time. But im back. And for the last time. At least for the last time regarding my year-long study abroad experience in Korea. Here lies the last bits and pieces of my heart that left behind such a wondrous lifestyle in such a complex country.

I guess this will be the last of my “Korean” writings for a while. I think I kept holding off on this because I didn’t want to solidify the fact that my journey abroad is officially over. I guess even being home and everything still doesn’t make me accept reality. All I can keep thinking these days is that exactly a year ago, I was sitting around every day, waiting for my summer to end & for me to hurry up and end up in Korea & I kept asking myself over and over and over and OVER, ceaselessly: “I wonder how my life will change once I live there. I wonder what my life would be like over there”.

And what’s crazy, is that even though I kept desperately trying to grasp that fact so intensely a year prior to today, I still don’t have the answer as I sit here in this seat. I still don’t think I can properly express what my 10 month-ish experience was like. I feel just as contemplative as I did a year ago.

I think ive been holding off writing this mostly because I don’t even know what to say. Why don’t I have anything to say? Hmm.. or more like, I have so much to say that I don’t even want to begin. Because once I do, and then once I wrap it all up, everything will truly be all over. It’ll solidify the fact that my year abroad is all done for, never to come back to me ever again.

I think my final post of my study abroad IG account, the one I posted every single day for, enclosed my immediate, final thoughts and feelings really well. I mean, I literally wrote that on the plane flying home, sooooo…

Maybe I should start with addressing my goals I set for myself before I left, and how those goals panned out upon my return. Very vaguely, one of my main pursuits was to “become fluent in Korean”. Even to this day, im not exactly sure what that constitutes and by my standards, I don’t really know to what extent I wanted to improve based on that statement…. But, I guess I just really really really wanted to practice communicating more and essentially feel comfortable speaking, reading, writing, and listening in this completely foreign language. And I mean even prior to arriving, I had already known how to read Hangul for like 8 years. So in terms of reading, I just got to practice a looottt and just brush up on my speed & precision, I guess. Listening has also never been too much of a struggle: years of pure absorption and drowning myself in Korean in every form possible has taken me this far, to be quite honest. It was never anything intentional, I just held onto more and more words as the years went by. And quite frankly, I’m pretty damn proud of myself for that. I guess my point is that I unknowingly wanted to focus on improving my writing and speaking. Which sounds a bit futile, because what was the ultimate purpose in expanding on these skills? When I cannot even use them outside of Korea? Hm… I didn’t think that far. I just knew I wanted to improve. Or no, I don’t even think I had any real basis before arriving anyway. I just wanted to get exposed to that side of the language and make some sort of progress. Because I enjoy it that much.

I didn’t even know how to write the strokes of Hangul characters properly. No one had ever taught me. For years, for the small words or phrases I might’ve scribbled down for fun or doodled my notebooks with, I just wrote what I knew, like pictures. I still, to this day, don’t know the proper strokes lol. It kinda makes me feel noob, but o well, ive made it this far nonetheless. In terms of speaking, of course, I had absolutely no background. There had never been a chance to practice this skill… in fact, if there were one, if I did speak Korean at some point before going to Korea, I feel like that would’ve been really weird anyway… I wasn’t learning it formally in a classroom or anything, so if I were to try…. To god-knows-who…… I dunno, that doesn’t seem right to me. There was just never a proper place and time for me to use any sort of spoken Korean, and that made sense. Because I had such a wide range of “skills” under my belt when it came to this language prior to arriving, none of it was… “official”? None of it was ever proper…..? I am not really sure which word fits best, but the fact that I had known everything I knew at that time from pure Korean media absorption, it bothered me a lot actually.

I wanted to learn formally. I wanted to learn properly. So, I didn’t hesitate to take the intensive Korean language course at Yonsei, one that was 4-6pm every day, Monday-Friday, for the entire semester. What I did hesitate with though, very greatly, and a little regretfully, was the level in which I started learning formal Korean. A part of me is regretful, but I think I know in my heart it was the better decision. Speaking Korean with the teacher on the day of the placement test was probably my first time ever really speaking full sentences aloud to someone else & I can sorta recall it with slight embarrassment. Okay not even slight, like a ton lol I was such a nooooobbbb… I still ammmmm….anyway, based on that day’s tests, the teacher deemed me as able to start in level 2. But I rejected him. I told him I wanted to start at level 1. Because ive never learned properly before, I felt the need to start from the beginning. He told me that level 1 would begin with each Hangul character, pronouncing them one by one, etc. He asked if I’d be okay with going over all of that, and I told him it was fine.

My level 1 class ended up being more of a level 1.5 & we went much faster than all the other classes and didn’t even start with the basics that I was originally warned of. But still, quite frankly, level 1 KLI was butts easy and I didn’t even need to study for anything to do well. For that, im pretty proud of myself. I’m not trying to brag, but I’m actually just very glad that my skills I arrived with were at least up to par enough that I could complete 1 without much struggle. What I was most grateful for was that I got out of KLI was a lot of grammar basics. A lot of these structures I recognized and have probably used on my own before, but I didn’t know the rules properly myself, until I finally learned them in KLI. So really, if I didn’t take level 1, I really think I would’ve lost out on that basic foundation needed for learning more advanced things. Granted, I probably could’ve covered a lot of those things in my own time if I searched for the proper resources and had a stronger motivation. But I never did that by myself. So, I sorttttt offfff, “wasted time” in level 1.

The next semester, level 2, was also not too difficult. Some concepts were definitely a bit more challenging and less intuitive, but nothing impossible to understand. Overall, my semester 2 at Yonsei was when my Korean grew to the heights that I had hoped for. If I improved about 10% during semester 1, then I would say I improved 115% in semester 2. I don’t even know what that means myself, but my point is that I had many many manyyy more real life, application opportunities to use Korean. The biggest factor being my participation in Powers, the badminton team at Yonsei, that semester. Aside from the 2729017 other things that Powers influenced that semester, language was a big thing. At some point, many of my teammates considered me the “American that is really good at Korean”, but like, the over-exaggeration is real. Although one dude consistently talked to me in only English for the longest time, once I met beloved 익안언니, that English-only image of me died and I communicated with everyone else the same way they already communicated with each other: in Korean. I know that sounds….like…. idk, not a really big deal. Like wow good for you, you could communicate in a foreign language with these people. But my biggest deal with it was that if it weren’t for me being in Powers, I would not have practiced speaking or expanded my vocabulary or just LEARNED as much as I have. ESPECIALLY meeting 익안언니 was such a blessing. Although she is from Taiwan, she is a grad student studying Korean language and culture which already implies that she is basically fluent in Korean. And me, knowing absolutely no Chinese but at least having half-assed Korean skills, we only ever communicated in Korean from day 1. Since the day we met, the day she came up to me and asked if I wanted to warm-up with her and asked if I was a foreigner or not, and then revealing that shes actually a foreigner, too. That made us automatically click, because we realized we could both speak without feeling wary of sounding dumb or making mistakes in front of a REAL Korean person. Granted, other teammates always heard a lot of our conversations and sometimes joined in, too. The main point was that speaking Korean in that sense, was the best experience I could’ve asked for. Others may think the most ideal would be, y’know, a real Korean person. But, why be picky when the point is that I got to practice.

By the end of semester two, I had a kinda random idea, fueled by a conversation I had with a KLI classmate. She mentioned how she was studying for the TOPIK 2, the intermediate-advanced Korean fluency test for foreigners, and she decided to take it in Korea versus America because she heard it was easier and the 65th one would be held in Korea while she was there anyway. Upon hearing this, I only vaguely knew about this test, I didn’t think it to be that big of deal, yet in my head I knew I was always impressed with foreigners when they would say something like “yeah I placed level 6 (the highest mark) on the topik”. And so, I looked more into the test myself, and I was like hmm maybe I should try it out myself. 익안언니 mentioned that she actually needed to (re)take it too because her score from her last test is expiring soon. So very last minute, we decided to take it together. It costed money, but that was expected. I debated a lot in the beginning whether or not to take TOPIK 1 or 2, aka easy vs hard, but I decided to just fuck it, I just gotta make sure I study for reals and have more faith in my skills lol.

Im glad I made the right decision. I didn’t study as effectively for the test as I would’ve liked, but I did what I could given my circumstances. I was shooting for level 3. I at least wanted a LEVEL out of the test, not a blank score, which is what would be given if you can’t even manage the minimum level 3 out of the TOPIK 2. That test seriously HURT my brain LOL. As you get towards the end of each section, it gets ridiculously hard and there were 2475830 words I did not understand at all and the mere rows of sentences eventually turned into huge walls of text that filled the paper all the way to the edges and o gosh, just imagine how brain frying those sorts of exams can be HAHAHAH.

In the end, I placed level 5. I was 8 points away from level 6. I was honestly very shocked and to this day, I think I just owe my score to me doing a good job at guessing correct answers, not my pure skills LOL. But above all else, I definitely underestimated myself. I really wanted to take the TOPIK to assess my Korean skills once and for all, definitively. But even after receiving my score, I still feel lost on how to accurately describe my skills. Does level 5 even cut it? Do I even have the right to call myself level 5? I got it though, right? Having drowned myself in Korean for 8 years & taken level 1 & 2 KLI, I was able to be lowkey fluent, I guess.

That’s pretty damn cool. Im pretty damn proud of myself. And yeah, idk, that’s that. LOL. Im not trying to brag about myself or anything. All of that was purely my journey with the Korean language, particularly in the context of studying abroad in Korea for a year. And in regards to my goal, I think I did a pretty good job. I can write long chunks of text without too much problem, I can speak a good amount, maybe not 100% flawlessly, but I can hold conversations, I can go weeks with only speaking Korean, and I think that’s pretty awesome progress that I made towards my goal. If anything, I may have surpassed my anticipations. Cool. LOL

Another one of my main goals was to travel outside of Korea. Or not even that, just outside of SEOUL. Because as amazing that city alone is, I also knew that there is sooooo much to explore throughout the rest of the country and even in other nations. For second semester, I went to Tokyo in Japan, Bangkok in Thailand, Taipei and Tainan in Taiwan, and Busan, Jeonju, Jeju-do, and Yeosu in Korea. I was very blessed to travel to 3 other countries and hit a few beautiful areas outside of Seoul in Korea, too. Although it was a tiresome experience, I wouldn’t have traded it for anything else. Balancing school and travels and other commitments was ridiculously tough. Ive repeated this a lot but: all my snaps and ig updates may have looked like fun and games, but the burnout was real. Traveling with friends isn’t all fun and games.

I learned SO MUCH through this experience: planning logistics thoroughly, dealing with money & currency exchanges strategically, balancing school work, moving things around as necessary, utilizing transportation in various different settings in an effective and efficient manner, familiarizing oneself with the GEOGRAPHY of a place (a really important one that I feel people don’t really talk about), researching attractions from different perspectives & using multiple, varied resources, knowing where to go for help, preparing proper lodging accordingly & communicating with hosts/staff, researching FOOD, too. I could go on and on.

But when it comes to traveling, especially while on a budget bc we are broke ass college kids, the amount of proper communication & discussion & preparation with other members of the group that needs to go into it is no joke. It’s not fun and games, it’s making sure that we know what the fuck we’re doing in a foreign environment so that we can explore, see things, get around, eat, and ENJOY our time safely and efficiently.

SO in that sense, I’m also pretty proud of myself & my friends. Special shout out to Sabrina Sooyoung Wong who was my ultimate travel buddy for (almost) everywhere I went. I already miss the amazing time we had together :’(

Continuing where I left off, I have realized that this writing is taking way too long. The day that marks one year since I left for Korea has already passed (August 21st) & I realized that I was gone for exactly 11 months: Aug 21 - July 21 (w/ a break in bw ofc) bc I literally landed back in America on the 21st of July, not realizing that the day I left was exactly the 21st as well. And my birthday is on the 21st too. Of Sept..:0 that’s whack. ANYWAYYYYYYY…………

What more do I have to say about this trip, hmmmm……. Ive already talked about my growth through the language and through traveling all over the place…These days, ive truly been trying to relive & recall the worries that shrouded my mind a year ago before I left.

I remember so clearly, constantly asking myself “How will my life change once I go and live there? Will I even be able to make any friends?” People around me also kept telling me that I would “HAVE SO MUCH FUNNNN”, but I recall constantly shutting them down and being pessimistic & telling everyone that I “would just be a normal student studying all the time, just in a different country lol” To address all these predeparture worries, I’ll say simply, thinking back on it now: My life changed SO MUCH, that it feels like nothing even happened at all (ik like wtf??? But lemme explain…), I made friends that I know will last a lifetime, and HONESTLY, I worked really hard studying when it came down to it, but I also made sure to have as much fun as I could. I did my best to balance everything (especially 2nd semester..)

So like, how tf could my life have changed so much that it feels unreal? Well, it’s exactly that. My daily life, the way I went about my daily routine, the lifestyle that I honed, the world that I wrapped myself in, the things I did, the food I ate, just about EVERYTHING about my life in Korea was so drastically different than my life in America, that returning home actually just makes it all feel like a dream, as if it were all a lie. My Korean lifestyle and my American lifestyle are incomparable. They are two completely different worlds. And for that…. I….. yes, I miss the Korean one like crazy every day, but that affection and sentiment for what I had makes my experience all the more precious and just… dear to my heart. Oh so dear to my heart, 나의 유학생활…. I think I kept asking myself the “how will it change” question countless times before I left because I was trying to prepare myself, trying to make sure I don’t throw myself off in the heat of it, make sure I stay grounded in the reality of my circumstances. And although nothing could’ve prepared myself enough for all those specific changes in my life, I think I definitely stayed rooted in mindfulness and never lost sight of the privilege I had.

If I look back on my first semester writings, I always repeated the words “thankful” & “grateful”. I really did my everything to remind myself of those feelings. Same goes for the friends that I met. Particularly my first semester gang, my days spent with them were infinitely bright. I feel like we were all so lost in the wonders of Korea (and Taiwan) and the beauty of just being there, spending time together, having valuable conversations, but also some very dumb ones, and really just bathing in the precious company of each other. It is not every day you meet an amazing group of people as the ones I did 1st sem. I gave yall a shoutout before, but thank yall again for taking care of me, the youngest of younglings out there, and making me laugh & smile more than I could ever recall doing with anyone else. Even my blessed friends from 2nd sem too, sooyoung, antony, Vicky, & 익안언니, I could not have imagined what my life would’ve been with them. My point in all of this? I was so worried about “making friends”, but miraculously, luckily, AMAZINGLY, it all worked out in the end. I am so grateful for that. I got close to some frking really cool people, who I still talk to today, who I still think about a lot, whom I owe a lot of myself to. Even if our collective time spent together was not the longest, even if the timespan of my other friendships are significantly more extensive, the friends I made through studying abroad are infinitely valuable and precious to me at the end of the day. Only stunning memories remain. Our friendships wont end there. They only started in Korea, but I have faith that they will transcend timezones and the years to come.

In terms of just balancing LIFE in korea, I can definitely recall many instances where I felt completely overwhelmed and burnt out. Those days were bound to come from the start. There were many days were I lacked a significant amount of sleep because I was so busy, there were days were I felt perpetually stuck & I could never overcome my problems (the things… a foreigner in Korean cannot do without a phone number…. Gg I felt soooooo shitty at that time)… there were also, ofc, days where I felt frustrated with many different people, there were days were I was so stressed out about whether I was doing the right thing (my 2 tutoring gigs…) or if I deserved anything I was receiving…., there were countless days where I studied hard and stressed about academics, as always (but I managed to get all A+’s 2nd sem & im honestly so proud of that…) …there were plenty of days where I would feel Korean societal standards weigh down on me & I felt painfully inclined to fit in in any and every way possible,.. I also struggled with deeper questions about the kind of toxic community Koreans can foster in various contexts (political, nationalism, etc..)… and the biggest of adversities, the one that broke me down the most, and to this day has left me empty & lost… was watching my singer get torn apart and disappear before my eyes.

I have written about this specific topic very extensively in a different piece, and…. It is definitely a pretty heated, passionate, painful piece. I had many many many many things to say about all of it, and I actually still have countless words to say, honestly. For sake of concision, for sake of keeping my sanity in place for at least this piece of text, for the sake of my world that has crumbled apart far too much for me to ever pick myself back up again… I’ll just say… I miss him so much and I pray for the day I can listen to him again. I won’t even be greedy and say “see” him again. I know ive seen him more times than I ever deserved too. But I want to listen to his voice again. In a new light, in a reassuring way. In some form, I want to hear him again… just once at least… please…Knowing him, listening to him for years, holding onto my life with his voice & music… I know that he needs to do music and nothing else. It breaks my heart every day to think about how this light has been lost from him.

One day… one day……….. I pray desperately every day that one day, he will come back to us. Please.

Its honestly pretty difficult to talk about my hardships during my time in Korea without mentioning that stuff. It has taken such a big toll on me, life became so taxing because of that one situation, that even today I sit here, half a year after it all fell apart, without much improvement on the state of things anyway. But enough of the negative stuff. I hope that’s enough. Despite all the pain & highkey trauma I acquired from it all, I know that at the end of the day I learned valuable lessons and that I am still grateful for every experience nonetheless.

I still wouldn’t be who I am today or where I am today without those tough times, too. It sucks that I lost my light along the way, I lost sight of my world that so ironically always gave me healing when I needed it most.

Another thing I should mention is how I am also very grateful for that fact that I never got sick while in Korea, or just while abroad in general. I usually catch a cold about once a year, even my first year of college, I definitely had that small period of time where I was dead sick from some sort of virus. But not once, did my body ever falter while abroad. It’s ironic because usually being in foreign countries, especially the not-the-most-sanitary ones like Thailand, Taiwan, etc, one would normally be much more susceptible to a stomach bug or heat-related complication or whatever. One would think that my body would be especially vulnerable abroad. But nope. I stayed strong all throughout. I’m pretty damn proud of that too. I tend to take my health for granted, but looking back on it now, I guess I held up pretty well despite all the odds against me.

The most important question I should be asking myself now is… How have I changed since I’ve studied abroad? Some basic changes would be my outer appearance. My makeup has definitely changed, my clothes do not exactly look like the rest of my friends’, and my eyes are sometimes slightly different colored LOL. But, mentally? Emotionally? What has korea done to me? I thought that once I returned from being abroad, I could be this strong, amazing, fearless, bold person. Maybe in some aspects, I do feel that way. But quite frankly, being away from some beloved, close friends for so long has left me more insecure and unsure than I would like to admit.

No part of my confidence has significantly skyrocketed or anything. I am still too much of a pessimist for any of that to be possible. I actually feel kinda reluctant, vulnerable, skeptical… when it comes back to reconnecting with the friends I haven’t seen for over a year. So in this way, Korea has changed me in which I do not know how to reconvene with the life I originally left.

Korea also….. made me fall in love with the “Asian lifestyle”. I say this a lot in person, but I think I genuinely love Asian culture & way of living better than America’s. Especially after coming back & coming to terms with how normalized some illegal stuff are among kids my age are now, I cant vibe with any of that. I know well enough that both cultures have their pros and cons and but I think I can safely say I prefer one over the other. I have grown up in the same exact house and neighborhood my entire life and I very ironically chose to go to a school that mirrors this familiar environment almost perfectly. Therefore, I easily lose sight about what is new, what is enjoyable, what keeps me grounded here.

So to be honest, nothing keeps me grounded in my hometown. Not my parents, not really my hometown friends, nothing special. It’s a fact that I felt more attached to Korea than America. I don’t know. It just ended up that way.

I traveled to and studied there for a year because I felt like my heart belonged there. And after coming back, I think I finally can contest to that statement.

One more thing, as I try to run out of things to say… I dislike K-pop and I wish it wasn’t such a definitive part of Korea itself. I know for a fact that the way in which K-pop has blown up over the years is an inherent loss for Korean culture because now the world has been misguided, misinformed, and misinterpreting Korea as a whole due to K-pop. I hate how, if I were to speak to someone ive never met before about me studying abroad in Korea, they would most likely assume that I like K-pop or make some sort of connection to my experience, with K-pop. That presumption needs to end. I do not relate my experience to K-pop in any way. There was so much outside of that. So like, no, I did not meet so-and-so. No, I did not see that group on the streets. No, I did not go to that concert. I admit I went to plenty of concerts, but those people were basically NO NAMES compared to actual K-pop artists… So please… I wish there was a distance between Kpop & Korea.

I have come to cherish Korean culture way outside of K-pop. Sure, its what exposed me to it all in the beginning, but I very quickly, very NATURALLY, grew out of that mindset & perspective. Sigh. That’s that. A real shame.

I haven’t been able to wrap this up for an entire week now and I think, right before I head back to school for good at UCI, this would be a good time to close it up for good.

What I meant to talk about throughout this entire “final journey” chunk was how studying abroad changed me, and what that might mean for my future.

These days, while ive been lowkey wallowing away at home, avoiding my responsibilities and waiting for everything to come crashing down onto me once I return to Irvine, one of the biggest things ive been really missing is Yeosu. My spontaneous 2 day, 1 night trip to Yeosu with Sabrina was probably one of the best spontaneous adventures I ever chose to do.

Yeosu held some sort of beauty that is so impossible to explain, that pictures don’t even do justice for, and is really just a hidden gem sort of place that I am so so so blessed to have visited and fallen in love with. Even if it was just for two short days, Yeosu treated us SO well. It will forever be one of the best memories I’ve made in Korea, because of all its combined natural beauty, open air, wonderful weather, breathtaking views, exciting and undying street pojangmacha street life, and FOOD! Amazing, home-cooked 한식…..it was really, honestly, great.

Another thing I thought of: I feel like I took so many airplanes that I lost count and I even lost that exhilarating, enthusiastic feeling that used to be associated with taking airplanes at some point. I am not trying to BRAG that I had that sort of privilege, but I just wanted to…. Reminisce on that missing emotion. Now, going through that entire check-in, security, waiting, boarding process feels sooooo draggy, and if anything, even a waste of time….. :( but I at least appreciate airplanes for being able to take me everywhere…

OKAY FOR REALS, last thing im going to address: my current perceptions on sharing my journey abroad with others. If im going to be completely honest, I really hesitate to talk about how I studied in Korea for a year. I am pretty damn paranoid about what people would think of me and I am reluctant to really tell my story because I feel like all of it is very important and special and dear to my heart that it’s not as simple as “yeah, it was chill, I had a great time”. In response to the question of “omg how was it????”, ive literally made a script for myself: “honestly, like my life in korea and my life here in America were so totally different that it feels like it didn’t even happen… it went by so fast and there was so much going on that coming back here feels pretty weird…also, reverse-culture shock is real”

That is the best spiel I can muster up if I were to briefly talk about my experiences abroad. But in reality, I would want to talk about why korea & the Korean language mean so much to me, how grateful I am for all the places and people and things I got to see, how convenient day-to-day life was. And most of all, I would want to address the all the negative things I discovered about Korea. I would want to talk about how for nearly half of my time there, my world was, and still is, crashing down onto me, and how that entire happening has affected my viewpoint of Korean society greatly. I would love to go on about the nuances that make Korea a very toxic social environment, how many aspects that make it well-known and well-received globally also contribute to my disliking for Korea. My experience was so eye-opening. It really was. With all the beauty I discovered along the way, I feel like I faced some extremely terrible shit, too. But of course, as I have been repeating ceaselessly, I am thankful at the end of the day. I always am.

I think at this point, I don’t have much more to say. Despite how much I miss Korea on a daily basis, for now, I think its best to let go of it. I am proud that my daily Instagram will stay as my detailed, thorough testimony to the countless experiences and stories I thought were worth sharing, or remembering at the very least. 286 days. To be exact, I was abroad for 286 days. Not a year exactly, but sorta close. I did my best. I did everything I could. I was independent as I could be, I saw all the things I could see, and I just appreciated it all at the end of the day.

I am really excited to go back one day. It’s at the least the one thing keeping me a little bit optimistic for the future.

잘 있어줘, 한국아. 모든 걸 고마웠다.

#korea #yonsei #klife #study abroad #its officially all over #twas a good run #thank u for everything #to all the ppl that made it worth #am forever grateful

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myriadimagines · 8 years ago

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I Know You, Eurus Holmes

Sherlock One Shot

Characters: [GENDER NEUTRAL] Reader x Eurus Holmes

Warnings: ehh some mentions of violence/injury

Request: “Can you write something based on "Imagine Recognising Eurus, who used to be your classmate in primary school " with angst please?” - anonymous

Word Count: 2,084

A/N: related gif imagine is here [x] ! tbh i can never tell what is angsty when i’m writing, and i feel like i’ve been including a lot of flashbacks in my writing recently. anyway i kinda liked writing this, hope this was alright !!

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You sipped your lukewarm coffee as you quickly scribbled down some notes from the reading you were assigned. You sighed, biting your pen cap before underlining something. You stretched your arms out, your knuckles cracking, before you rested your elbows on the marble table and looked around.

You liked studying at this cafe, because it was quiet and was a good place to just keep to yourself. However, for some reason you couldn’t place, you couldn’t focus today.

Attempting to get back into the reading again, you jotted down a few more lines of notes before finally setting the pen down and leaning back in your chair. You lifted your cup of coffee and wrapped your fingers around it, feeling the last traces of warmth. You looked out the window, where it was heavily raining, droplets of water crashing against the pavement and sliding down the window. Biting your lip, you watched as cars splashed through the water and people hurried through the streets under dark umbrellas, gingerly avoiding puddles by tiptoeing around them. You actually quite liked the rain, since it reminded you a lot of your childhood.

“Come on, Eurus!” you laughed loudly, stumbling out of the house as you pulled on your last boot. “Catch me if you can!”

“I don’t know, y/n.” your best friend, Eurus, said uncertainly, peering out from the doorway. She shifted from foot to foot, nervously tugging at her raincoat. “We could get a cold from playing out here, and then it could turn into something worse, like pneumonia.”

“New what?” you spluttered, turning around. The rain fell onto your wide brimmed hat, dripping down in front of your face like a curtain of crystals. Eurus gave you a look as you reached your hand out, beckoning for her to come closer. “It’ll be fun!”

“Go on, Eurus.” you mother appeared behind her, giving her a gently nudge. Eurus looked up at her, still looking uncertain. “I have towels and a change of clothes for you back in the house, so you don’t need to worry about getting a cold.”

Eurus was about to protest again when you suddenly appeared in front of her. Grabbing her hand, you pulled her out into the rain, and she squealed as she felt the rain gently splash on her face. It was cool and refreshing, and she relaxed and began to grin at you.

“Told you it was fun.” you nudged her, sprinting down the street with Eurus following you. You leapt into a huge puddle, and Eurus shrieked as you splashed her, soaking her raincoat. She lunged into the puddle with you, and you laughed loudly as the water hit you. You stomped your foot down again, the water projecting in all directions, and grinned as you looked up at Eurus. Her oversized hat obscured half her face, and her blonde pigtails fell limply at her shoulders, damp from the rain, but finally, she laughed.

The sound of the bell at the door snapped you out of your memory, and you sighed as you finished off your coffee. Eurus was one of your classmates when you were in primary school, and your best friends. You can still remember when Eurus entered your class on the first day, and you offered the empty seat beside you to her. You were struck by her name: it was unlike anything you had ever heard of before, and you liked the way it sounded.

Your classmates always seemed to be wary of Eurus. Even the teachers seemed nervous around her, as if there was something off about her. You never understood why everyone seemed so afraid of her, and you were the only person who seemed to talk to her.

“I’m a little concerned about… y/n’s friendship with one of their classmates.” your teacher leaned closer to your mother, as she was scared someone may overhear their conversation. You looked up at her with wide eyes, unsure of what was going on.

“Which classmate?” you mother asked, and your teacher cleared her throat and nervously looked at her hands.

“Eurus Holmes.” your teacher responded, and your mom pressed her lips together. “Eurus is… different, shall we say, and I just think it may be better if y/n distances themself-”

“Eurus is a lovely girl, and she and y/n enjoy each other’s company.” you mother straightened, shaking her head.

“The girl never smiles.” your teacher insisted. “She-”

“She smiles with me.” you piped up, and your teacher gave you a crooked smile, which looked more like a grimace, before turning back to your mother.

“She… manipulates the children to do whatever she wants. I’ve seen her tell children to jump of the slides in the playground to hurt themselves, for God’s sake! I’ve even seen her manipulate teachers too, it’s as if-” your teacher sounded increasingly scared, and you looked up at your mom, who scoffed.

“That’s not very nice.” you mother responded in a clipped tone, and your teacher sighed and composed herself.

“I know, but it’s true.” your teacher sighed. She looked at you, tilting her head. “I don’t know why, but Eurus seems to act different around you. She seems more relaxed around you, but I’m scared she may turn on you one day.”

“No.” you said furiously, shaking your head. “Eurus is my best friend.”

Despite warnings from teachers and other classmates, you stuck by Eurus, refusing to abandon her. You thought she was magical. She always seemed to know such big words, and if you told her someone was bullying you, the next day they would somehow get hurt and never bother you again. You never thought much about it as a child, but looking back on it now, you could see why teachers were afraid of her.

She was incredibly intelligent for her age, and she was a master manipulator. But never to you. She never used her manipulation against you.

By the time you had reached grade 2, Eurus had disappeared. You had never heard from her again, despite trying to go to her house and writing her letters. When you asked your mother what had happened, her face would always pale and she’d change the subject. To this day, you still had no idea what had happened to Eurus Holmes.

You looked up to see a blonde woman rush past your table, with round glasses and a wine red dress. She fumbled inside her handbag for a moment before looking over her shoulder. You felt your breath hitch when you looked at her face, and you immediately got to your feet. The woman still hadn’t noticed you as she turned around to push open the door, but you had definitely noticed her.

After all these years, had you finally found her?

Quickly manoeuvring around the tables, you reached out to gently touch her arm and softly called out, “...Eurus?”

“Who- y/n?” Eurus whipped around, her eyes widening as she recognized your face. “You… remember me.”

“Of course I do! Although you did disappear. You were the girl with the unforgettable name.” you laughed lightly, then registered Eurus’ expression. She had begun to tremble slightly, her mouth slightly open in shock. “Why do you look so scared?”

“I just…” Eurus stammered, but quickly composed herself. She looked you up and down, a faint smile on her lips. “You look good, y/n.”

“As do you.” you laughed as Eurus closed the door and stepped closer to you. She still looked tense, and there was something about the way she was speaking that sounded forced. Before you could contain yourself, you threw your arms around your old friend, and Eurus stiffened. You squeezed her tightly, and she slowly reached up and wrapped her arms around you.

“I thought I had lost you.” you whispered into her hair, and Eurus held onto you.

“Did anyone tell me where I went?” she asked, and you shook her head.

“I had a few vague ideas, but they never made any sense.” you sighed, pulling away.

You tiptoed to your parents room, careful not to make any noise. You had heard your mother mention Eurus’ name as you passed by their room in the corridor, and had stepped closer to eavesdrop. It had been a year since Eurus had disappeared, and you still missed her.

“Her mother said that Eurus cut open her arm and didn’t feel a thing!” your mother hissed, and you heard your father sigh loudly. “The girl claimed she wanted to see how muscles worked. What kind of child does that?”

“You know the girl is a genius, very intelligent for age.” your father responded, and your mother scoffed.

“That doesn’t explain why she would slice her own arm open!” your mother exclaimed, pacing around the room anxiously. “Oh, I should’ve listened when y/n’s teacher warned us about her. Eurus seemed like such an innocent girl. Do you think she’s influence-”

“No.” you father said firmly. “This doesn’t change anything. You know that Eurus was different around y/n, and I don’t doubt that even after what’s happened. y/n treated Eurus like a friend, so that’s how Eurus treated y/n back.”

You gestured for Eurus to follow you back to your table, and she slowly followed you and sat opposite you. She glanced at the notes you were writing, and sniffed.

“Philosophy?” she asked, and you rolled your eyes and nodded. “I hate philosophy. Everything is so hypothetical. I prefer more concrete ideas.”

“Agreed.” you laughed, stacking your notes and putting them away so you could focus fully on Eurus. You nervously cleared your throat and leaned towards her. “If you don’t mind me asking… what did happen to you?”

“I… did something, to Sherlock.” she responded vaguely. “One thing led to another, and eventually I was locked up.”

“Locked up?” you spluttered, staring at her in disbelief. “What did you do?”

“I don’t think you’d want to sit with me if I told you.” she responded, and you frowned. She was closing herself off from you, and you didn’t like seeing your former friend seem so cold. You reached across the table and put your hand on hers, and she stared at your hand for a long time.

“Eurus, you were my best friend.” you said softly. “And quite honestly, that’s never going to change. I missed you every day since you disappeared.”

“I never understood why you were so loyal to me.” Eurus said, tilting her head as she remained fixated on your hand. “All the other children were scared of me, but you weren’t. Why?”

You thought about your answer for a long time, before taking a deep breath and replying, “Because I know you, Eurus Holmes.”

“You know me?” Eurus raised and eyebrow, her eyes finally meeting yours. You could detect the hint of mockery in her tone, but ignored it.

“Yes, I do.” you nodded. “And I know, underneath the cold exterior, you’re not as terrifying as all the other children made you seem to be.”

You could see the mocking grin on Eurus’ face fade, and she looked at you curiously.

“You always took such good care of me as kids,” you continued, and Eurus smiled at your remark. This time, it was a more genuine smile, and you found yourself smiling back. “You cared about me, and that’s all I could ask for as a friend. I cared about you then, and I still care about you now.”

“I always wondered how you were doing when they took me away.” Eurus responded airily. “I tried to visit you, but I could never summon the courage to see you face to face.”

Smiling at the idea of Eurus thinking about you, you squeezed her hand.

“I’m glad we’re finally here again, Eurus. Reunited.”

Eurus thought about all the times she had been shunned away by everyone. The loneliness she felt when her brothers played with other friends and ignored her. The isolation she experienced inside of Sherrinford. The fear that would flash in everyone’s eyes the moment they saw her, and the insincerity of everyone’s words. Sure, she could manipulate someone to say they missed her, or they cared about her, but never in her life did she believe she would her someone say it so honestly and genuinely.

Yet here you were, a sincere smile on your face as you gazed at her.

Squeezing your hand, she whispered, “Thank you, y/n.”

#sherlock one shot #eurus holmes one shot #sherlock imagine #sherlock #sherlock bbc #sherlock tv #eurus holmes #eurus holmes imagine #reader x eurus holmes #eurus holmes x reader #reader insert #imagine #imagines #one shot #fanfiction #fan fiction

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gamerwoo · 5 years ago

Text

Kino: Partly Cloudy

Characters: Kino x female reader (featuring Pentagon ot10 and Guanlin)

Genre/warnings: roommate au, demon au, friends to lovers, slowburn kinda, fluff, angst, some crack, lil bit of everything ig lmao

Word count: 8,043

Summary: As a demon that’s able to control the weather, Kino can’t exactly control it since he’s only half a demon. It only happens when his emotions are so strong and intense, and nobody makes him feel as strongly as you.

a/n: in the words of @neverknewgrey2016 “there isn’t enough kino content”. she also gave me this idea and i wanted to do it for her so here you go!!!!! it skips around a lot and it’s like kinda vague at the beginning because i wanted to just get to the main part where things start getting good, so it kinda starts fast (also I know I would’ve normally made Hongseok a demon and would never make Yuto a demon but Star got to me lmao)

Kino came across normal enough. Sure, he had his quirks, but everybody did. After becoming his roommate, you quickly learned that he didn’t like using the white mugs because he was afraid of getting them “too dirty”, he absolutely cared too much about sorting the laundry by color, he rarely brought anything into or out of his room, and his room was his space and nobody was allowed in it. He came off as friendly, but reclusive. Kind, yet deceptive. Sweet, but there was definitely something a little...off about him.

It didn’t take a lot to warm up to Kino, and you thought he was warming up to you, too. With your growing trust, your suspicions of him faded. The weird sense you got around him was hardly even in the farthest corners of your mind, which you still to this day don’t know if that was your own doing or some weird power he had over you.

Kino, on the other hand, pretended to just be close with you. At least, that’s how it started out. He tried to keep some sort of distance just because he was who he was, and you were who you were, and it was dangerous for somebody like him to be around somebody like you. Not only that, but his ‘mentor’ kept telling him that this was wrong and he shouldn’t go befriending any humans. But with how kind and silly you were, and how he could tell you were letting your guard down around him, he eventually found that he couldn’t tell if he was pretending or just being himself.

Either way, the bond you’d formed with Kino over the course of a year helped cushion the shock when you realized your roommate and now best friend was actually a demon. Well, half-demon, which he stressed very much.

But hey, you renewed your lease together, didn’t you?

Kino never once hurt you, anyway. He never put your life in danger, and you weren’t quite sure why that was. He said he just wanted to live normally as to hide among the humans and help with the work he had to do that involved actual bad people and not just nosy roommates that like to leave their jackets and sweatshirts laying over the back of the couch. Whether that was really the case or not was something you’d never know, but you also didn’t press him on that. You preferred to nag him about what the difference was if you sorted the laundry or not, but that would also send him on a whole other tangent.

There was one interesting thing about Kino that you never quite could get over, though. You didn’t realize it for a while. In fact, it wasn’t even until after you realized he was a demon that you noticed that the weather was sometimes controlled by him -- but without him meaning to.

He was especially annoyed that day. He was being nagged by Jinho way too much, and the smallest thing was going to send him over the edge.

All day, it had looked like there was going to be a tornado or a massive hole would form in the ground and suck everything down. The sky was the darkest grey it could be without being nighttime, and everything just looked scary. You could hear a faint rumble of thunder almost the whole day, and when you had returned to your apartment, you thought Kino’s face as he sat on the couch matched the mood outside.

But what set him off -- what made you realize his emotions could effect the weather whether he liked it or not -- was a tiny joke you made to try to make him feel better. It wasn’t even much of a joke as it was an observation. You considered it a compliment, but Kino went off.

Something to note was that you definitely had feelings for Kino at this point. You knew it was probably dangerous and stupid -- no, it was dangerous and stupid -- to fall for a demon, but you couldn’t help yourself. Even though you were just a mere mortal while Kino was some immortal being, you always felt like the two of you were just a couple of normal friends when you hung around him. He still liked to get giggly drunk with you on Saturday nights, he liked laying his head in your lap and making you run your fingers through his hair, and he never minded when he found you sleeping on the couch because of a nightmare only for him to carry you into his bedroom and sleep on the side of his bed closest to the wall to keep you safe. It was so hard to see him as something that could kill you because he came across as the exact opposite.

That was exactly what Kino was being hounded about, though. He was too nice with you. It was obvious he felt something toward you, and none of the other demons liked that. It wasn’t that demons weren’t allowed to mess around with humans, and falling in love with them technically wasn’t a rule, but demons weren’t necessarily supposed to fall in love at all. He was a demon! He was supposed to terrorize humans and come across as tough and cold. He definitely tried when you first met him, but as he started to get used to you like you did with him, he found himself unable to resist leaning into this fantasy that maybe somebody could love him. And he started to feel the same toward you. Besides, he was still half human. Some instincts and feelings just couldn’t be controlled no matter how hard he tried.

“I know you had a bad day,” you began as you sat beside Kino on the couch, reaching over to poke one of his cheeks, “but you’re really cute when you’re pouty.”

That was the comment that set him off. He was off the couch in an instant, turning to face you with completely black eyes that were his normal brown a second ago. Your eyes widened as your back pressed into the back cushions of the couch, trying to distance yourself from your roommate as he got in your face. It wasn’t that you were afraid he would do something to you, it was that you’d never seen him get this close to you with his eyes black like that before.

The crack of lightening startled you before Kino could even speak. It flashed as thunder sounded a second later, shaking the room from its volume. The wind blowing against the windows made them creak, and it sounded like ghostly groans outside. You curled in on yourself as you gasped, your eyes flickering to the window before they were brought back to Kino.

“I’m a fucking demon, _____!” he growled. “Do not patronize me, got it? You’re just some fucking human, and you don’t get to talk to me like that.”

You wanted to reply to him or at the very least nod your head, but you were frozen in place. You’d never seen Kino like this. Yes, you’d seen his eyes before when he couldn’t convince you for like, a week that he was actually a demon, but he’d never yelled at you like this. You’d never heard his voice get so deep and loud, and you’d never seen him get mad at you like this. Truthfully, it frightened you. It was the first time you saw him as a true demon.

Alternatively, Kino had never seen you afraid of him. He’d never seen your eyes go wide or your face start to pale because of him. He’d never seen you cower away, frozen in fear from something he’d done. But seeing all of it now had him blinking his eyes, the black disappearing and being replaced with the comforting brown you were used to. His clenched jaw relaxed, his lips parting as his lare melted into remorse.

The dark sky lightened to a light grey, and the terrifying lightening was suddenly gone. All that was left behind was a light spitting of rain outside.

“Oh my god, _____...” his voice was soft as he got down on his knees in front of you, cautiously reaching a hand out to you. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-- Please don’t be afraid of me...”

Your eyes were no longer on him. Instead, you were focused on the weather outside. It was twice now that it had changed so quickly, and it was just as quick as Kino’s changes of mood.

“D-did... Did you do that?” you wondered quietly.

Seeing your eyes were still on the windows, he knew what you were asking. He nodded just enough for you to notice, but he didn’t say anything about it.

Kino had frightened you a little -- more like taken aback -- but it was more the sudden crack of lightning and thunder that scared you. But still, even with your heart racing as it was -- but it was starting to slowly calm down now that Kino was back to normal -- you were still a little fascinated by what he managed to do.

However, that day was kind of a wake up call for you. You didn’t have a chance with Kino. He wouldn’t want to be stuck with some human. You were weaker than him; you weren’t on the same level as him. Kino was way out of your league, and even though it hurt, you had to move on.

That was what you had gathered after a week of thinking everything over. You went from recalling that your half-demon roommate could change the weather if he felt an emotion strongly enough, to mulling over the words he had shouted.

‘You’re just some fucking human.’

So you spent the weekend after in your room eating ice cream and crying -- which Kino was keenly aware of even though it seemed to come out of nowhere so he was pretty confused as to why you were crying -- and decided to pick yourself up and try to move on.

“You wanna finally talk about that?” Kino wondered as you emerged from your bedroom.

You jumped, not expecting him to be right there. He was standing on the opposite side of the hallway, back leaned up against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. But his eyes showed worry and concern since you wouldn’t let him in your room no matter what he said during your two-day pity party.

“About what?” you asked, deciding to just act like nothing happened.

Kino just rolled his eyes, “You know about what. What had you locking yourself in your room all weekend?”

“Nothing,” you shrugged.

“Don’t just tell me ‘nothing’,” he whined, dropping his arms as he stepped closer to you. “Wait, was it because of me?”

“No, Kino,” you quickly reassured him. “It’s really nothing. Don’t worry your pretty little head.”

You reached up to ruffle his dark hair, making him frown as he swatted your hand away. He let out a sigh as he tried to fix his hair, looking up toward his forehead like he could see what he was doing.

“Don’t do that. I have to see Jinho and company.”

“Oh, so you have to look all big and bad or whatever?”

Kino only smiled sarcastically, raising his eyebrows.

You knew the other demons were the reason Kino snapped at you. You knew they stressed him out to no end because they -- especially Jinho -- kept telling him how he was getting too soft. They teased him for acting how he did with you, and Jinho kept insisting he move out of the apartment and live alone so he could toughen up again. Kino promised you he wasn’t going anywhere, but he really just wanted his friends to shut up.

“I’d say to tell them hi but we already know how they feel about me,” you snorted.

“Don’t worry,” he smirked, “I’ll send your regards.”

“Wait, what? Why?”

You were slightly offended by Guanlin’s surprised face. Was it really so hard for him to imagine that you wanted to date? Sure, you hadn’t tried dating anybody for over a year, but still. You weren’t going to just sit around forever.

“What do you mean why?” you asked with a pout.

“No, I meant--” he broke off in a laugh seeing you so offended. “I mean like, aren’t you and your roommate a thing?”

You’d told Guanlin all about Kino and how you felt about him. He didn’t know he was a demon obviously, but he knew that you were hopelessly head over heels for him. You used to never let anybody use your really nice strawberry shampoo and conditioner set, but you would sit on the couch with Kino’s head on your shoulder and smile when you smelled it on him. You were never even one for cuddling, but you loved the night when Kino made you watch scary movies with him and would have to hold you in his side and promise no monsters would get you while he was around. In the span of the year and however many months that you’d been living with Kino, you’d changed a lot more than even your best friend thought you could.

“No,” you sighed, your face falling as you looked down at the table you were sitting at with him, “we’re too...different. I don’t think he wants to be with me because of those differences.”

“Differences like what?”

‘First of all, he’s a demon.’

“It’s too complicated.”

Guanlin decided to just drop that topic for a slightly different one, wondering what your plan was now. How were you going to get yourself out there? He’d never really seen you intentionally go out of your way to find a boyfriend, so he was pretty curious as to what you planned to do next.

“Actually,” you sweet smile had a hint of mischief to it as you looked at your friend, “I was hoping you could be my wingman.”

All Guanlin did was snort in response before he started laughing. You sighed, rolling your eyes as he doubled over in laughter. When he finally composed himself enough to talk, he sat back up and wiped a tear from his eye.

“You must be really desperate if you think I could be your wingman,” he sighed, still trying to stop smiling. “I don’t even have a girlfriend, and you think I could get you a date?”

“You have guy friends,” you shrugged. “I’m open to anybody.”

“My friends are not your type,” he scoffed, shaking his head. “I mean...if you’re actually serious about this, one of my coworkers is kinda cool.”

“When can I meet him?”

Whenever the other demons came around, Kino was irritable. Not so much that the weather would change, but he was still irritated. Especially because Hyojong and Wooseok made a mess of the apartment, so he hated when they decided that was the place they would drop by. Kino insisted on anywhere but there, but nooooo, they didn’t want to be seen anywhere else.

“Do you shoo her out of her own apartment when we come by, or is just a bunch of coincidences?” Wooseok wondered as he stared at a framed picture of you and Kino together.

He just shrugged, glaring at Wooseok’s back as he made sure he wasn’t going to break anything, “Little bit of both.”

Yuto only shrugged, sitting in the same spot on the couch that he always did, “I don’t really blame you.”

The last thing Kino wanted was you being surrounded by demons -- even if they were mostly harmless unless provoked. Jinho took his demon status the most seriously, with Wooseok and Hyojong mostly just messing around and causing dumb chaos for fun, and Yuto doing not much of anything ever. Honestly, Kino wasn’t really sure how or why Yuto was a demon anyway, but he wasn’t one to open up about his past. But he could understand why the terrible duo were demons, and he definitely understood why Jinho was one. The older boy was nothing if not an absolute pain in the ass.

“It would be easier if you just didn’t live with a human,” Jinho grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah, we know,” Kino sighed, turning around to face the shorter boy who was picking up your jacket that you’d left thrown over the back of the couch. “Can you stop touching her stuff? Ugh, why do you guys always have to come here?”

“Because you’re only half a demon and can’t go to The Underworld,” Hyojong spoke up with a giggle. He always loved to rub that fact in Kino’s face.

“Exactly,” Jinho agreed with a smirk, “Kang Hyunggu.”

“Don’t call me that,” he frowned.

“Changing your name won’t make you seem any more like a demon,” Jinho teased.

“Do you have daddy issues?” Hyojong asked, making Wooseok burst out in laughter.

Kino sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his eyes, “Dude, I think you don’t understand what daddy issues are. My dad literally raised me; I love him.”

“If only your mom would actually take care of you,” Jinho said, rolling his eyes. “Then we wouldn’t be responsible for you.”

That was the only reason Kino had constant visits and hounding from Jinho. He was half a demon from his mom, but she obviously wasn’t around. He didn’t know what happened to her, and he didn’t necessarily care since he heard she disappeared without a trace only a day or two after he was born. But being a half-demon, the rulers of The Underworld wanted to make sure he didn’t get into any trouble -- especially since his mother had passed down a power to him that he couldn’t control. Since she wasn’t around, Jinho was assigned to essentially mentor Kino. He had recruited his friends to help just because Kino didn’t really tend to listen to any of Jinho’s advice.

Jinho was a whole other story. He was a fallen angel that eventually got turned into a demon because he was spiteful and caused trouble to get back at those who kicked him out of Heaven. Kino didn’t actually hate him because he understood Jinho had his own issues, but he did wish he got a mentor who was less grumpy. On the bright side, though, Jinho did have his good moments -- especially when he got to see his angel friends when he visited the mortal world to check up on Kino.

Wooseok and Hyojong were clearly meant to be where they were. Hyojong was born to demons, where Wooseok became one when he died and immediately gravitated to Hyojong. Nobody understood how or why Jinho became friends with them, but they did seem to come in handy when Jinho got into one of his moods.

Yuto was an enigma to just about everybody. Those who didn’t know him well questioned if the higher ups made a mistake when placing him -- unless he was born to demon parents, in which case, he couldn’t control that. Others who had known him well didn’t talk about anything demon-like that he’d done. If anybody asked, they’d just say nothing before changing the subject. For all Kino know, Yuto could’ve murdered hundreds of people, so he tried not to be too comfortable around him.

“Did you just come here to complain some more?” Kino asked, walking over to Wooseok to rip the picture of you and him out of the taller boy’s hands before he could accidentally break it.

“We came here because of your little human friend,” Jinho clarified with a slight sharpness to his tone.

“She has a name,” Kino hissed, “and I would prefer if you’d leave her alone and out of all this.”

Whenever anybody brought you up, Kino hated it. He let them know he hated it, and they still did it. He didn’t want you dragged into any of this. He just wanted to be able to hang out with you without anybody telling him he couldn’t or reminding him it was dangerous. He obviously knew it was dangerous, but he knew he wouldn’t ever hurt you. It was only dangerous if these demons kept coming around.

“When she effects you so much that you cause a thunderstorm so loud it shakes buildings, we kind of have to drag her into it,” Jinho shot back.

“And judging from what she’s up to currently,” Hyojong spoke up with a grin and a giggle, “thing are going to get worse.”

“I don’t think telling him that will help,” Yuto spoke in his typical too-soft-to-belong-to-a-demon tone.

But Kino ignored the quiet boy’s words, eyes locked on the short, mischievous demon, “What’s that supposed to mean? Where is she? How do you know where she is?”

“Hyojong, don’t you have somewhere else to be a pain in the ass?” Jinho asked, annoyance dripping in his tone.

Hyojong only shrugged, “Not for another hour.”

“Is somebody going to answer me?!” Kino demanded. He didn’t fuck around when it came to you, so he was genuinely concerned.

To his surprise, it was Yuto who stood and walked over to him, “You know I think you should do whatever you want, but...Jinho was right. Getting so involved with a human is dangerous, and you should’ve gotten out of all of this when you had the chance. Things will be really hard for you now because you didn’t listen to Jinho.”

Kino groaned, running his hands through his hair, “But I don’t know what that means! Where’s _____?!”

Wooseok’s head snapped to look at the door, “Almost home.”

“Time to go, kids!” Hyojong called before he disappeared in a quick swirl of thick, black fog.

Yuto gave Kino a small, thin-lipped smile before following Hyojong’s lead. Wooseok wished him luck before doing the same, leaving just Jinho in the apartment. He walked over to Kino, standing directly in front of him and looking at him seriously. This time, the older demon’s expression wasn’t angry or annoyed, but rather concerned.

“We’ll be watching,” was all he said before he was gone, too.

Last week, Kino hounded you when you got home about where you’d been and who you were talking to -- when you admitted it was just meeting up with Guanlin, he looked very confused but dropped it. This week, he was hounding you before you left the apartment about where you were going and who you were meeting.

“His name’s Sehun.”

Kino raised his eyebrows, “Sehun?”

He didn’t like that he’d never heard you say that name before. If it was somebody you didn’t know, then...

“He works with Guanlin,” you explained as you did your best to fix your mascara that was clumping in a way that wasn’t cute at all.

Kino’s heart dropped, “So...i-is this like...a date?”

You shrugged before nodding, “Yeah, basically.”

A date? You’d never gone out to date anybody! Why now? What about him?

What about him? You weren’t his, and you weren’t supposed to be his. He could already hear Jinho scolding him for even getting jealous right now.

Then he realized this must’ve been what they were talking about last week. They knew you were off with Guanlin trying to get him to set you up on a date. They knew he was going to be jealous, which was why they were there. You really were the reason they were there.

You could hear soft rumbles of thunder from far away, but you assumed it was just the weather on its own since Kino seemed fine on the outside. Besides, why would he suddenly feel emotion that strongly? There wasn’t anything that could possibly bother him, right? He had said before himself that he was a demon and you were just some human. There was no way he could’ve ever felt anything for you.

“Hopefully he planned something indoors in case it rains,” you thought out loud, but that somehow only made Kino feel worse.

Unfortunately for him, things would only get worse after that. You’d come home that night to declare you were going to see him again, and another time after that. And after the third date, you’d come home with the most beautiful, dreamy smile on your face that would make Kino’s heart flutter and the drizzle outside that was all his fault momentarily lighten up.

But then you’d announce he asked you to be his.

Kino would ask nervously what you said.

You’d tell him you said yes, obviously.

That night, the thunder would be roaring as lightening flashed outside your window. You’d be under the covers, wanting nothing more than to go straight to Kino’s room to feel a little safer, but you’d instead go to the couch like you did after a nightmare. You couldn’t go sleep in Kino’s bed now that you had a boyfriend, but you craved the safety Kino gave you more than anything. You still loved Kino, but you had to get over him. Sehun would help you get over Kino.

And Sehun was exactly the reason you woke up in the same spot you’d fallen asleep instead of in Kino’s bed like you usually did when you fell asleep on the couch.

That night, as you and Kino slept, both the demons and the angels stood outside your apartment building in their jackets and some under umbrellas. Their eyes were on the windows that belonged to you.

“You should’ve kept them apart,” Hui advised, glancing over at Jinho.

Jinho frowned, whining, “I tried to! He doesn’t listen.”

“We can’t break them up now, can we?” Changgu asked worriedly, gripping his umbrella handle a little tighter.

Yuto shrugged, “It might happen on its own now. Clearly, Kino’s upset.”

“Which is bad because this could go on for weeks,” Hongseok said, holding his hand out under the radius of his umbrella, letting the water fall onto his palm, studying the droplets. “We need to do something about it. We can’t let it rain like this for that long.”

“It’ll be over in a week,” Hyojong stated.

The small group turned to look at the demon who was looking between the demons and the angels. They were clearly waiting for him to elaborate. He could see the fate of others, so he obviously had more information.

“Kino’s going to scare the poor guy away,” he scoffed, finding the vision he saw of Kino going to meet Sehun to ‘check him out’ and intimidating the absolute shit out of the six-foot-whatever guy very amusing. “Did you guys seriously expect him to stay out of it?”

“He is a half-demon,” Yuto shrugged. “Guess that makes sense.”

“Can you see anything else, Hyojong?” Hui asked.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t,” he replied coolly, making Wooseok giggle.

“Do you see what I have to deal with?” Jinho mumbled to his old friends.

Hongseok sighed before turning to walk away from the building, “We’ll have to drop by and speak with Kino after Sehun’s...gone.”

“Why after?” Yanan wondered quietly as the group went to follow behind.

“We’re not allowed to alter fate,” Hui explained to the newest angel. “What’s supposed to happen will happen, and that’s that.”

The only person that could change their fate was that person, and Kino had changed his mind after that night. Instead of scaring your boyfriend away like Hyojong had seen, he decided to tell him to treat you right. He told him you weren’t like any other person, and you had to be kept safe and happy. He didn’t flash his demon eyes, he didn’t intimidate him, and he didn’t act like you belonged to him.

However, that didn’t seem to change much for the fate of your relationship with Sehun. He still broke it off that evening after spending the day out together.

“I don’t know,” was what he replied with when you asked what went wrong, “I guess I’m just not ready for all that commitment.”

Not knowing his words would make things worse, Kino had pushed Sehun into breaking up with you because he realized he’d have to put in more effort than he wanted to currently. So you went home sad and mopey, but not too mopey because it had only been a week that you’d been dating. But Kino still sat beside you on the couch that night and listened to everything you wanted to get off your chest before bringing you to his room when you inevitably fell asleep on the couch while watching The Office.

But you weren’t giving up. You didn’t want the warm, fuzzy feeling you got waking up in Kino’s bed because you knew it was nothing but a friendly gesture. You wanted to get rid of the feelings you had for him, so you kept trying.

Chani was somebody you’d met through a long line of friends. Guanlin had explained the connection -- something about a friend of a friend of a friend, or however many ‘friends’ were involved -- but all that mattered was that it wasn’t one of Guanlin’s weird friends, and it was somebody who might help you get over Kino.

But when you told Kino about this date, he had the same expectations he had with Sehun. So the weather was fine that day, and you went on your date with Chani. And you came home and said it was “okay” and Kino didn’t worry. But then you texted Chani more often until one day you just dropped the term “my boyfriend” on Kino in reference to the boy he still knew nothing about, and the sky was grey and it drizzled for the next three days.

“How long this time?” Hongseok sighed as he looked up at the sky.

Jinho shrugged, “Hyojong said he can’t see that far.”

It took a month for Chani to decide it wouldn’t work.

“We’re too alike,” he decided.

You would’ve thought having a lot in common would be good, but because neither of you liked cuddling or hugging too much, and you were both more introverted than anything, things started getting awkward before the spark could really grow into much.

But this breakup hurt more than Sehun. You had time to make at least a few memories with Chani, and you started to wonder if your dislike of physical closeness was a problem. And, because Kino was your best friend and you trusted him, you asked him that.

Kino’s eyes went wide when the words left your lips, looking at you like he wanted to yell. But his voice was soft when he said, “Why would you ever think that’s a bad thing? _____, nothing about you is bad.”

“But Chani said--”

“Chani told you it’s a problem?” he growled, his jaw clenching.

In the distance, you heard rumbles of thunder. You chalked it up to him just being a friend and caring about you and wanting to protect you. Kino saw it as somebody making the person he loved more than anybody feel bad about themselves, and he really didn’t like that.

“Not technically...” you shrugged. “Just that he’s the same so we kind of clashed.”

Kino only grumbled to himself.

You slept beside him again that night because even though you didn’t like cuddling anybody else, you loved cuddling Kino, and you wanted the comfort. And yet, he somehow still couldn’t catch on, thinking that you only liked cuddling with him because you’ve known him for a while and trusted him.

You met the next boy on a dating app, figuring you had nothing to lose. Kino had seen you on said app and asked in disgust why you were on there in the first place. Why did you need to find somebody? Only dirtbags and assholes used dating app, he insisted.

You just shrugged and said you couldn’t be single forever as Kino grumbled to himself and left the apartment.

His name was Soonyoung, and he seemed nice enough. When you met up with him, he was funny and bright and had that same warm energy you got from Kino. Actually, he reminded you a lot of Kino.

Like the others, Kino didn’t expect this to last. He didn’t worry too much about it, but he also didn’t ask about your relationship that much, either. He put it at the back of his mind, and the two of you acted pretty normal. You were out of the apartment a lot more often, and you were on your phone more frequently, but you still made time for Kino so he hardly even remembered you were dating anybody.

“Hey, where’re you out to?” he asked as he saw you walking for the door looking a little more dolled up than normal. “It’s passed nine.”

“It’s my six month anniversary with Soonyoung,” you replied, looking at him over your shoulder with a wide smile.

Kino’s stomach dropped. It had already been six months? How did he not realize? How could that much time had gone by? Wait, that meant you loved him by now, right? Oh god, he fucked up. He really fucked up.

“O-oh...” was all he managed to get out.

“Don’t bother waiting up for me,” you continued as you opened the door. “I’ll be staying over at his place.”

You giggled as your cheeks turned pink, confirming his suspicions of just why you were staying at Soonyoung’s before you said goodnight and closed the door.

It absolutely down poured that night. And the next day. And the next day. And the next day. And the rest of the week.

“Well,” Hui sighed as he let his head drop back where he sat on the couch, “I can see why you get so frustrated.”

“But you really can’t control a half-demon?” Yanan questioned under his breath.

“He’s not a full demon so it’s not like I can force him into doing anything,” Jinho snapped. “He’s not really under my control.”

“Either way, maybe we should step in,” Yuto spoke up. “It’s dangerous for her if this continues. His jealousy will grow, and who knows what he could do to her?”

“Why are you so morbid?” Shinwon asked, eyeing the quiet demon.

“Realistic,” Yuto corrected.

“What if...” Changgu suddenly spoke up, studying the floor before his eyes glanced up to meet the small group that sat around the room, “it’s better for them to be together?”

“That sounds like an idea Yanan would come up with because he doesn’t know better,” Hui stated, crossing his arms over his chest.

“But it would stop Kino from changing the weather like this, and she already knows he’s a demon.”

“But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t end badly for both of them -- especially the human,” Hongseok replied easily, running a hand through his hair. “Hyojong, do you see anything?”

Lazily, the demon let his head roll to the side to look at the angel, “Nothing dangerous.”

All heads turned to look at the demon in question.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jinho questioned.

“It means who cares?” he sighed. “You can’t force Kino out of love with her, so what’s the point? You think he’d hurt her anyway? He hasn’t yet, and it’s been like, two years since they’ve met. What will happen is going to happen no matter what, and that means if they end up together or if he does end up killing her. We can’t change the path the universe sets.”

“But we’re supposed to guide it on that path,” Hui spoke up. “That’s what we’re created for.”

“And can’t you see the universe keeps bringing them back together?” Hyojong asked, raising an eyebrow. “We’re supposed to guide them to each other, not apart.”

The room was thoughtfully silent for a few beats before Jinho broke it with a mumbled, “That’s the deepest thing you’ve ever said.”

It took a lot to get the rain to stop. The city was flooding, but Kino couldn’t control his emotions. How was he supposed to stop feeling heartbreak? So The Heavens and The Underworld had to work together to somehow overpower the demon’s emotions enough to keep the weather under control. Both the small group of demons and the small group of angels visited Kino often, trying to get his emotions to calm down, but nothing seemed to work. He kept himself locked up in his room for days, not responding to you no matter what you said to him.

This last time you knocked on his door, he almost growled for you to go away. The people in his room looked at him in surprise, not thinking Kino would snap at you like that.

“You know what? I don’t know what your problem is, but don’t take it out on me!” you shouted through the door. “If you wanna rot away in there, then whatever! I don’t care!”

You turned on your heel and left the apartment, making sure to slam the door because you were upset. You were already feeling all messed up because you still hadn’t fully gotten over Kino, and then you and Soonyoung were bickering a lot lately which was getting really stressful. But now Kino was ignoring you and you didn’t even understand why.

Kino definitely wasn’t himself lately. The last month, he’d been a little off, but only recently did he start ignoring you. You didn’t notice if he had been acting weird toward you since you had been spending more time with Soonyoung, but you definitely noticed the weekend while you were home. You and Soonyoung had argued about something stupid, and you wanted to just spend the weekend with Kino and talk about everything that was bothering you -- well, mostly everything. You knew he’d know how to comfort you and make you feel better. But instead, he made everything worse, and you left the apartment with a mix of angry and sad tears in your eyes.

“Seemed a bit harsh,” Hongseok noted, turning back to Kino once he’d heard the door slam.

“Yeah, well...” Kino mumbled, not moving from where he laid curled up on his side above his covers, “I deserve it.”

“Then why don’t you talk to her?” Yuto wondered.

“Because it’s better this way,” he grumbled, still refusing to move or look at either of them. “She never liked me back and she has her stupid perfect boyfriend anyway. They’re probably super in love and she’s probably not going to renew the lease because she’s always at his place and she’s going to leave me and--”

“Isn’t Yuto supposed to be the morbid one?” Hongseok interrupted.

“Why are you guys even around so much lately?” Kino wondered, finally glancing up at the angel beside his bed.

“Because you’re a mess,” he chuckled. “Takes both sides to keep up with you, apparently.”

“And because I figured sympathy would work rather than Jinho getting mad,” Yuto added.

Well, at least Yuto somewhat seemed to care.

“You know,” Hongseok sat down at the edge of Kino’s bed, “you could’ve just told her how you feel.”

Kino shot up in bed, giving the angel a look like he was insane, “I’m a demon. I’m not supposed to love a human. Jinho warned me, and I already knew it was bad. I wanted to protect her.”

“Is this any better? Causing flash floods, and fighting with her?”

“Well I can’t do anything to fix it now!”

“Tell her,” Yuto suggested in his usual soft tone.

“She has a boyfriend!”

“Yeah, so you have nothing to lose.”

Hongseok nodded slowly, “He has a point...”

Kino groaned loudly, flopping back down onto his pillow. He covered his face with his arms, letting out something that was a mix between a soft yell and a loud groan.

“No,” he decided, letting his arms drop away from his face.

“No?” Yuto repeated.

“It’s probably better like this, right?” he asked to nobody in particular. “It’s better for her that she doesn’t know.”

Hongseok sighed, “We’re going to be regulating the weather here for months.”

Yuto got up from Kino’s desk chair, his neutral expression looking almost uncaring as he glanced down at Kino, “Then you better get yourself together quickly, because we can’t all follow after you to clean up your mess.”

While Kino had never heard Yuto say anything like that or seen him act anything other than neutral, he knew he was right. He had to pick up the pieces of his broken heart and carry on with his life. It wasn’t like you would care if he was heartbroken anyway.

Honestly, Kino didn’t expect to hear the front door open. Even more so, he didn’t expect to hear the sniffles and quiet sobs in the hallway. Had he not heard the crying, he wouldn’t have gotten himself out of his bed and opened the door enough to see you kicking off your shoes by the door and wiping your eyes with the sleeves of your sweatshirt.

“_____?” his voice was soft as he stepped further into the hallway. “Are you okay? What happened, why are you crying?”

“He dumped me!” you sobbed, refusing to lift your head to face Kino. Even though he’d seen you cry before, it didn’t mean the other times after wouldn’t be awkward.

“What, why?” he rushed out of his room and went over to you, placing his hands on your arms as he tried to look at your face. You just stared at your feet and let your hair form a barrier that he couldn’t see through. “Talk to me, _____.”

You sniffled, wiping your nose with your sleeve before letting out a pathetically sad laugh and shaking your head, “Because I’m destined to be alone and unwanted.”

Kino frowned, and the quiet afternoon slowly started to turn grey, “What are you talking about?”

You stepped away from Kino, turning to pace into the living room while you spoke, “Because it’s always something with me, right? Sehun, Chani, Soonyoung -- literally every guy I’ve ever dated had a reason or multiple reasons they didn’t want to stay with me. I’m too short, I don’t like to cuddle all the time and I don’t like hugs, and I’ll drop everything just for a puppy I saw across the street.”

The rain outside started to pick up a little more.

“_____--”

“And don’t even get me started on the earful Soonyoung gave me before I left!” you groaned, dropping your head back before you turned to Kino.

“_____, none of that is even--”

“I don’t clean the shower walls after I’ve had a shower, I leave my socks on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper, he didn’t like that I have a specific way of getting toothpaste out of the tube and that I kept fixing the tube when he’d squeeze it, I left my lipstick and mascara on his counter instead of putting it in ‘my drawer’ when I’d stay over, I--”

“_____!” Kino cut in loudly. When you’d gone silent, he took a step toward you, trying to read you and see if you even wanted him close to you. “None of that means you’re meant to be alone.”

The look on your face broke him, the rain outside hitting the windows in loud patters. Thunder rung out softly, his heart breaking for you and causing his emotions to even overpower those trying to control his power.

“How could somebody love somebody as flawed as that?” you whimpered.

“Easily,” he replied as soon as you got the last syllable out of your mouth. He looked at you intensely, still a couple feet away from you. “I love that you don’t clean the shower wall because I have a certain way I like it done to get all the hair dye off of it. I love that you don’t put your socks away because then I can sort them by color for you, and you get all happy when you see you have matching socks. I love that you get the toothpaste out from the bottom instead of squeezing the tube because it’s way more efficient that way. I love that you leave your makeup in the bathroom because I like that I get to watch you put it on while you softly sing to music on your phone.”

You thought he would stop, but he kept going, making your heart flutter. He walked toward you slowly until he was right in front of you, taking both of your hands in his.

“I love that you’re so tiny because it makes me feel like I can protect you,” he listed off. “I love that you don’t like hugs or cuddles because you always like my hugs and cuddles, and it makes me feel special. I love that you get excited seeing animals when we’re out because the smile on your face is the cutest smile I’ve ever seen and I always want to see that smile on your face.”

“Kino--”

“I’m not done,” he hushed you quietly, the rain still background noise to what was happening in the apartment. “I love how you leave the last bit of milk for me even if you wanted to have cereal. I love that you always offer me the last pack of fruit snacks even though I know they’re your favorite. I love that you never do anything on time because then when I remind you, you look at me with this big grin and tell me I’m the best, and god, the things it does to my heart.”

He moved his fingers to weave between yours, holding your hands to his chest as he looked deeply into your eyes. His gaze was so intense that you wanted to look away, but so hypnotizing that you couldn’t. The only things you were aware of were him, the heat in your face, and the thunder that had gotten louder outside.

“Don’t you get it, _____?” he asked, looking just as upset as you probably did. “I love you. I love every little thing about you. Every single thing you’ve seen as a problem or somebody has told you was a problem, I love it. I have for over a year, _____.”

“B-but,” you stammered out, your brain running at a million miles a minute as you tried to make sense of everything, “y-you’re a demon, and I’m just...some human. I-I thought--”

He shook his head, “I don’t care what I am or what you are. I love you with everything I have, and I should’ve told you sooner. I was scared you wouldn’t feel the same because of what I am, but I can’t let you see yourself so poorly. And even though you don’t feel the same, I’ll still remind you how amazing you are beca--”

His sentence was cut short when something pressed against his lips. Something warm and soft. His eyes slid shut as one of his hands released one of yours to cup your cheek, kissing you back. It was a sweet kiss that lasted as long as it took for the rain to stop and the clouds to disperse in the sky.

When you pulled away, Kino looked confused but in a daze, looking at you curiously with his lips still half-puckered.

“Who said I didn’t love you back?” you asked with a small smile. “I thought you didn’t love me because I’m just a human. That’s why I was trying to date...”

His eyes closed as he let out a deep sigh that made you laugh, “I’m never going to live this down.”

“Sorry,” you giggled, giving his hand that still held yours a squeeze.

“Don’t apologize,” he smiled a dazzling smile as he opened his eyes to look at you. His thumb softly stroked your cheek as his head slightly tilted to one side. “Just tell me that you love me too.”

“I love you,” you told him.

And you swore, the sun had never shone brighter than it did that afternoon.

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babymyharry · 8 years ago

Text

the morning after

about five of my friends and i were just casually chilling around the coffee table @ 3 am last night (morning) talking about what we would do if any of us ever hooked up with harry. don't ask, idk either. but that’s how this got thrown together. i should be doing homework right now btw. i hate harry styles a lot (jk i love that bitch)

WARNINGS :: a lot of this is literally just “texts” but you know i like to think i have a sense of humor so :-) like i said this is what i, ME PERSONALLY, would do if i ever hooked up with harold (lol) soooooo keep that in mind lmfao.

don’t know how i feel about this one (questions my entire thought process) but hey! it’s something and i haven't posted in a while :) enjoy (;

O V E R V I E W

“Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets or summat like tha’?”

He gets a playful shove and the roll of her eyes as she tries not to laugh at that. What a fuckin’ dork (which, in truth, just makes him all the more perfect to Y/N.)

“You’re a comedic lad, aren’t ya?”

She didn’t get crushes very easily, but it seems Harry was just the right amount of charming to have her falling faster than Alice did chasing after that damn rabbit.

Y/N doesn’t do one night stands and Harry truly and honestly believes she’s a proper angel or something.

masterlist

It was the light streaming in through the enormous glass window that woke Y/N up from her slumber. She felt completely at peace, the atmosphere she was in creating the perfect ambiance for her restless early morning thoughts.

That is, until she realized where she was. Well, not that she really knew exactly where the fuck she was. Because this house is definitely not her tiny studio apartment and there’s no baby Siberian husky at her feet that usually kept her company during the night and made sure to wake her with a slobbery kiss and there was no (annoying) roommate to wake her with the sounds of God knows what.

Needless to say, Y/N had no idea what she was doing here.

She vaguely remembers what even happened last night, if she’s being quite honest. Something about an award show her boss (whom she was an assistant for) dragged her to and a whole lot of famous people.

And that’s exactly what makes her eyes widen and her eyes dart over to the sleeping man next to her. His bare back was facing her but she knows those tattoos from anywhere and - oh shit, he’s rolling over!

Y/N doesn't mean for her mouth to drop in pure shock when her guess of who was next to her turns out to be accurate.

Holy fuck, I hooked up with Harry Styles.

His eyes were still shut tight and she really doesn't think she’s ever seen any boy look so peaceful in her whole damn life. He looks beautifully fucked out and Y/N smiles a sly smile with the remembrance that she’s the one that did that to him.

Yet, that doesn't stop the adrenaline coursing through her and her mind raising a mile a minute. She really hopes he’s a deep sleeper when she tip toes over to her forgotten purse. She rolls her eyes when she spots her undies quite literally hanging from the lamp sitting in the corner of his bedroom.

Y/N wasn’t always one for one night stands. She had always gone with the boyfriend route. Any boy who was ever interested in her knew you had to make her feel like a princess much before any clothes would be coming off. And so they did that. She’s had over 5 boyfriends in the past 2 years and maybe it was her fault she kept falling for assholes but Y/N really think she has the words “hurt me” and “break my heart” tattooed on her damn forehead or summat. Because none of them ever worked out. The longest relationship she’s ever been in was three months and that ended about 2 weeks ago when Y/N caught him cheating on her with her roommate (she also needed to seriously look for a new roommate).

Her best friend Celeste told her the easiest way to forget about a dude was by getting another dudes attention.

Maybe that’s exactly what Y/N was doing.

She peers back at the bed with, sure enough, a knocked out Harry Styles still very much asleep. She grabs her phone out of the small clutch she had brought to the event with her last night and texts Celeste with emotions she doesn't know how to describe raising through her.

to Celeste girl, please tell me you're awake!!!! need some girl help asap

from Celeste what's shakin??

to Celeste okay no time to explain but i took your advice and ventured out and kinda hooked up with a guy??? and he's sound asleep next to me and idk what to do i've neVER BEEN IN THIS SITUATION?? should i like leave or is that bad or will he be annoyed if i stay GIRL HELP ME

from Celeste whoa Y/N!!! WHAT THEFUCK NEVER THOT YOU HAD IT IN YOU

to Celeste SHUT UP OMG HELP ME IM A NUN IDK THESE THINGS

from Celeste okok so he's sleeping right??

to Celeste like a baby

from Celeste yeah plz stay omg

to Celeste stay? should i act like i'm sleeping or something when he wakes up or?????

from Celeste i mean sure but regardless DONT LEAVE THAT HOUSE

to Celeste OK GOTCHA see this is why we're friends

from Celeste so i can give you hoe advice?

to Celeste precisely.

from Celeste yo is he hot lmao

to Celeste girl he's a dream. not only that he's such a gentleman

from Celeste MARRY HIM

to Celeste stfu i'm still freaking out

from Celeste what is this boy's name i need details

to Celeste you wouldn't believe me if i told you

from Celeste wait so i know him??

to Celeste uhm!! kinda ig omg

from Celeste TELL ME DONT DEPRIVE ME OF GOSSIP

to Celeste my lips are sealed

from Celeste ugh you whore Y/N's finally got some dick after lame ass dude from film school and he's so hot she can't even name him. will we ever find out mr dreamy's name?? we'll just have to wait and see. you know i'm always watching. xoxo, gossip girl

to Celeste LMFAO STOPP IT ADKJSF srsly Celeste i'm freaking out i don't know how he's gonna react when he wakes up

from Celeste i'm going to be so honest bc we're best friends. he may be a rly nice ass dude and i'm hoping to God but if he's an ass and asks you to leave i don't want your lil heart to hurt okay? some guys are like that and i don't want you to get your hopes up

to Celeste i won't i won't he was just a hot hookup, yeah?

from Celeste for now at least yeah but hey maybe mr dreamy is rly who you say he is and you end up dating or some shit that would be rad as hell but for now UNLEASH THE INNER HOE

to Celeste OH SHIT HE JUST MOVED GTG PRAY FOR ME

from Celeste CALL ME RIGHT AFTER YOU LEAVE BABE I WANNA GET TO KNOW MR DREAMY BETTER

And so with the roll of her eyes and a smile on her lips, Y/N swiftly makes her way back over to the bed, so quietly you might question if she was supposed to be some sort of spy in a different life.

It’s about three minutes later when his eyes start fluttering that she puts on her best acting impression of someone who totally didn't just text her best friend asking about hook up advice.

Harry’s hands go to his eyes and he’s blinking and wiping the sleep away when he gets a glimpse of the mile long legs next to his. There’s a brief flashback of last night where those same legs were wrapped around his hips in the car on the way to his flat after - fuck, what event even was that? Her tantalizing physique making it nearly impossible for him to wait to just fucking rip the fabric of the dress off.

He shakes his head of the memory, glancing to the right angel next to him.

Her hair was draped perfectly around her face resembling a halo or summat and Harry really doesn’t know what to call the emotions coursing through him.

She’s beautiful, he decides. Completely and irrevocably beautiful. Harry’s heart does a weird twist and he has no fucking idea what it means but he can’t find a reason to dislike whatever was happening. He quite likes the feeling, actually.

He doesn't know what the fuck to do, though. Wake her? Let her sleep?

If only Harry knew she was in the exact same situation minutes ago.

He opts for leaning over and cuddling into her with a lingering kiss to her cheek. (Y/N was quite the actress, wasn't she?)

Her eyes slowly blink open as if she’s been asleep for a decade and then they meet with his.

Her eyes roam from his eyes to his lips, from his eyes to his lips, from his eyes to his lips....

The next thing Harry knows is that they’re kissing. Much less fervent than last night but the drive is still there and he was over the moon about it. Her giggle causes the dimples to shine through as she broke the kiss.

They probably just stared at each other for a good couple of seconds before he muttered the first sober words, “Mornin’, love.”

Maybe they were both dissociating the fact they were proper strangers. Proper giggling like they’d been dating or something - how absurd. But neither Harry or Y/N really seem to have a care in the world about that.

His voice was thick and raspy and Y/N never knew British accents were her thing till now. She could get used to this.

But then realty sunk in.

He’s Harry Styles. He’s a multi-milonaire with enough female attention to have a one night stand every night for the rest of his life and then some, if it did fancy him. Y/N couldn't be anything special to him. Right?

“I should.. I should probably go, right?”

His eyebrows furrow and those dimples are no where to be found when her question is asked. Maybe Harry was wrong, maybe she didn't feel the same way.

But God. He doesn't think anyone has ever successfully made him feel this fucked out in a long time and the fact her beauty had him proper stuttering over the next thing he said to her was proof enough of how he felt.

“What’s the rush?” The way his words come out so very somber (replicating a wounded little puppy dog, and Y/N’s heart almost breaks) causes Y/N to put a hand to his cheek as her eyes go wild in panic.

“Didn't- didn’t mean it like tha’! Swear. Sorry, I’m just.. not really used to this kinda thing.”

Harry’s eyes shine at that as lips turn upwards, “Whatcha mean by tha’?”

“Like,” she motions between the two of them, “I don't hook up.”

Harry wouldn't admit that actually makes him all the more attracted to her. She definitely wasn’t inexperienced, that he already knew. Far from that, if he’s being frank. But it might've tickled his tulips a bit too much with the information that she hadn’t accompanied too many blokes in their bedroom affairs and he’s seriously relieved about that. Not that he has any room to be jealous of her past lovers... but he is.

“Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets or summat like tha’?”

He gets a playful shove and the roll of her eyes as she tries not to laugh at that. What a fuckin’ dork (which, in truth, just makes him all the more perfect to Y/N.)

“You’re a comedic lad, aren’t ya?”

Y/N really wants to kiss those dimples and stay wrapped in his arms forever. She didn’t get crushes very easily, but it seems Harry was just the right amount of charming to have her falling faster than Alice did chasing after that damn rabbit.

The hand that was resting on her hip squeezes playfully as he chuckles a very boyish laugh that makes him look years younger. Y/N is a bit too enamored with how pretty she thinks he is. How long ago did they meet again?

“I try, my darling,” There’s a flash in his eyes and it seems he wants to say so much but settles with holding his hand out for her to shake and she’s confused till he speaks.

“M’harry.”

She grins with realization and Harry decides every time she smiles an angel defiently gets their wings. “Y/N.”

And so they shake hands with eyes full of a lustful kind of love and hearts full of gold.

“Nice to meet yeh, love.”

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