#Social Struggles

[clove-pinks]

So tired of fake social media images!!! It's always "look at my new plaid trousers" or "aren't these Albert boots just the thing." But we never talk about the clamps keeping your head in place.

[stillnightcreatives]

In middle school I had no friends because I was depressed from gender dysphoria and didn't take care of myself... and yet I was incredibly kind and meant no harm. Our school system teaches stereotypes and promotes a toxic social hierarchy. There is no top or bottom but a complex mixture of colors. We are not creating structure in our society, we are creating a nation full of socially anxious followers. - Nickel Stillnight

[starlight-bread-blog]

If humans are "social creatures" then why are that many of us so bad at this? Seems like a design flaw to me.

[guardianspirits13]

As a kid I always thought that I was a social chameleon because I could always change my personality and mannerisms to fit in with different people.

As an adult, I realize that was likely a form of echolalia and I wonder if I even have a "true" social personality underneath all of my borrowed traits and mimicked social cues.

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

Trust - Antisocial

[wanderingmind867]

Yesterday I made a phone call for the social skills class. It went well, which I can only attribute to me taking the course many, many times over the years. The call was around six minutes long, and the other kid ended asking me most of the questions (that's usually how it goes, though. Unless i'm on here or around my dad, i'm usually incredibly shy and just reactive to those talking to me). His questions were pretty good, though. I may have to reuse some of them. Like favourite colour, favorite season, etc.

Now I have another call to make in around an hour and a half (at 6 pm my time). It should go well too, I hope. I can't predict how long the call will go for, but I feel like I'll be happy as long as the person I call doesn't end up being obnoxious or anything.

[persephone-tim]

Don't you just hate it when you get a compliment from someone and you either 1. Don't know them enough 2. Don't like them enough or 3. They're not queer enough to understand whatever twink ass thing i want to reply with. So you just have to say thank you. Like. What is up with that.

[chemstudent-sherlock]

It's lovely when you have a course with a group exercise and not a single person wants to work with you.

We should have done an experiment in teams of 2, and no one wanted to be my partner. Literally no one. The professor ended up working with me because no one else could be found. I thought things would get better at university, but it's all just a repeat performance of petty school social dynamics.

[crossstitchbossbitch-blog]

For someone living in England, snow is relatively rare. It is a weird feeling to experience precipitation that isn't rain. I was late for work by 90 mins today.

Later on, I got a shitty "we need to talk" meeting at work concerning something I did last week and it has taken me a few hours to process it. Now I feel bad for fucking up, jumping the gun, overstepping boundaries and unintentionally making things unmanageable for other people.

I was stressed and busy and responded to an email saying yes I might be able to change an aspect of operations to make that person's workload lighter... without really considering the impact it might have on other people or the context of why the person was asking me, and not my line manager or the person dealing directly with that area. My main concern was not forgetting to reply because I was busy so I sent back an exhaustive reply with lots of options and ideas, but also said I would need opinions and a final "say-so" from the main staff involved.

It has just made things harder for the main people involved and caused anxiety for other staff.

I hate that I was oblivious to these consequences and really hope I haven't come off as an asshole who doesn't give a shit about other people. But I am trying to not be shit. Trying super fucking hard.

I just can't quite catch how or why I do things wrong, especially in a professional sense. I did a humanities degree and had most of my working experience in hospitality before i moved into office jobs, and I definitely struggle more in office jobs than in reactive / active / busy customer service and waitressing roles.

I don't know if I am autistic. I got an adhd diagnosis about 14 months ago and I have stimulant medication for that. I am always late but never say no to more commitments and sort of balance it all like a game of buckaroo, until it inevitably comes crashing down.

I can't believe some people my age have proper jobs where they save lives or are super successful and make loads of money, or have kids and keep them alive and well. I just about manage with a dog.

I want to ask for help to "fix" this sort of thing, but I do therapy and I have meds and try to be nice to myself. Not sure what else I can do to not be shit. Yes this is all internalised ablism but I can't fix that immediately. Fucking great.

[noperopesaredope]

Okay so do any of ya’ll also hate the “compliment each other (no appearance based stuff)” exercises that they’ll make you do in things like school and camp and therapy and stuff? Because I hate it when I’m required to give someone a random compliment on the spot. 

It just gets awkward when I’m told to give someone a compliment and I just have to sit there for like five minutes straight trying to think of a compliment. And I can feel the other person beginning to wonder if I don’t have anything good to say about them. And it’s like, no, I just don’t really compliment people unless I have a specific one in mind already.

I can think of compliments when they have to do with something specific, like if they were in a play and I want to compliment how they did. And if I notice something about them randomly, I’ll compliment them then, but that doesn’t happen super often. But during the “compliment exercises”, I have no prompt or anything to work with and it just stresses me out. 

Then I eventually am forced to admit that I low key don’t really like randomly complimenting people, and every single time, the person leading the exercise openly judges me for it. In fact, one time during a group therapy session, we did a compliment exercise, and I had to admit that I don’t feel comfortable giving people random compliments. 

The therapist leading the exercise then said something along the lines of “that’s a bad thing and a problem” and basically shat on me for not wanting to randomly compliment people. It made me feel really shitty, and now I hate those exercises even more and almost never randomly compliment people. Weirdly enough, I’m okay at writing down random compliments if I see a person often enough (like classmates), but I can’t compliment them to their face.

Does anyone else have trouble with this? Or at the very least, does anyone also dislike the “compliment exercises”?

[autobotmedic]

"If you are the type of person who wants to talk just to talk as a method of bonding, we are probably going to have technical difficulties because I don't know how that works."

[starlight-bread-blog]

Introverts: Do you ever arrive at a new place and feel like you're being treated like the latest attraction at the zoo?

[screamingviod]

You know, I used to want to be special as a kid. As in hogwarts letter, saving the world and having superpowers special.

Now I'd be very grateful if I could get through the week feeling even slightly like a normal person, actually.

[wanderingmind867]

My dad knows I write a lot of notes on here. But I don't think he knows that half of my notes on here are turned into posts online. I think my dad once said he thought I could publish all my ideas and notes and stuff; make a book out of them. I don't know who'd want to read a book that's three equal parts vents, ideas for comics or other miscellaneous things and notes about Percy Jackson and/or other books i've read. I feel like these things probably wouldn't hold much interest to anyone. But I almost always feel that insecure about my own ideas and concepts. But who knows, really? Maybe someone would read a book of story and character ideas, vents and notes about books i've read. They do say there's an audience for anything, after all.

But where was I? Right. My dad not knowing about me sharing all these notes online. He knows about my social media account. He knows i've posted a lot on there. I don't think he knows some of my posts have included things like my personal vents and stuff. But I don't really know how to tell him. And even if I told him, I doubt he would begrudge me doing it. It's really more or less just an outlet. I don't need this outlet to survive (I got by for 17 years without it), but with my mom gone and him my only friend irl, it is kind of nice to know there's a secondary place where I can share ideas and stuff with people. Especially since I tend to snap at my dad when I worry he's not listening to me, and because there's stuff i'll forget to tell him that i'll tell people on here. Or that i'll tell him, but not tell anyone on here. It's complicated. And that i'm just as bad with insecurity about being listened to online as i am about it in person with my dad?

[persephone-tim]

Don't you just hate it when you get a compliment from someone and you either 1. Don't know them enough 2. Don't like them enough or 3. They're not queer enough to understand whatever twink ass thing i want to reply with. So you just have to say thank you. Like. What is up with that.