#So yes maybe I haven���t posted as much lately

[mistertf2xreaderfluffballcake]

Hello! I've been blessed by the wholesomeness in this blog,

I wanna know what if the merc's S/O asks the merc to adopt a stray animal like a cat or dog that's found on the streets,

Thank you!

If you're tired rn please take some good rest,

(っ´ω`)ﾉ(´ω` )

pat* pat*

O-Oh thank you for the head pat...I will give some head pats too!

(*'▽')\(*´▽｀*) head pat to you too anon!!! pat...pat...

And yes I will make sure to take some good rest! After writing this I will take a nice break, just writing some drafts for Tumblr, eating chips, reading other tf2 x reader writing, and more!

I loved this idea!!! It`s so cute!! You are very wholesome! Anyway, enjoy~!

ALSO! I will make a part 2 and 3 for this since if it is one post it will be super long so for now this is part 1! To keep it nice and short. I mean this already is pretty long.

Scout

It was a normal day and scout saw you holding a basket and it made noises...huh? Um, babe, I hear noises from the bask- shhh scout! We will talk later let`s just go to your room! ok?

You both were in his room now. Ok, so bab- Scout. I want you to keep it a secret ok? *nods* ok. *shows the cute little puppy from the basket. *GASP* S-Scout can we keep it? Um. Babe. y-yeah? FUCK YES, WE ARE KEEPING THE FLUFF BALL! :D :D

So yep you kept it, you both successfully persuaded the administration to keep it for emotional support reasons. You both love the dog to death.

Soldier

It was a rainy day, and you were late... It was pretty dark outside and you haven`t come home yet. Just before he exploded you came bursting from the door wet as a sock. CUPC- You ran passed him and tapped his shoulder. what.

Tapping his shoulder was a sign you wanted to talk somewhere private. So he just waited in his room. He was worried as fuck. Were they ok? Did they get hurt? Do they have a cold??

You knocked on his door and he instantly replied. CUPCA- shhh be quiet! soldier I have something important to say. You were both on his bed you were holding a blanket close to your chest.

Ok. Soldier, do you dare freak out ok? um ok. *shows an injured puppy* !!! You then explained how you found it in the pouring rain injured. You then asked the question, Can we please keep it? He started crying a little OF COURSE S/O! YOUR HEROIC ACT TO SAVE THIS POOR THING! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU CUPCAKE! :) yey

Pyro (I made this one the other way around) It`s so long fuck

Pyro was walking around an abandoned building. Pyro was finding something cool to show to s/o! Like a cool-shaped rock, a four-leaf clover, a flower...But instead pyro found something much more...cuter and fluffier...a tiny kitty cat. It was much smaller than any cat pyro has seen...and it was INJURED!????

Pyro then ran back to the base to look for s/o for help. MMMMMPHHHHH!!!!!!! What is it pyro is there something wrong?*pyro shows injury tiny kittiy* *GASP*

MEDIC! *goes to medic* *sign*S/o I am a doctor not a fucking vet. Do something right now! MMMPHH!! *point lighter at medic* okok chill!

*Medic treat it somehow and the kitty is ok* For the next few days both of you took care of it but on the last day when you were supposed to give it to the weird adoption center (there was only one and had had rumour and it. and most of them are TRUE). you guys made a decision to keep it.

I think we should keep it, the kitty has a much more better life here then in the adoption centre! who knows if the next owner will be nice or maybe the kitty wont get one! Also there is bad rumour at the adoption center that they hurt the animals! SO lets keep it! Mmph! (agree) So from that day forward you cared the cat full of love and the kitty soon gowed into a giant fluff cat. :)

Part 2 is coming up! I had fun writing this! Thank you anon! So don`t worry a part 2 and 3 will come! Anyway bye~!

[damnedparker]

velvet and sunshine

pairing: obi-wan x reader (gender neutral, no y/n)

warnings: food mentions, reader is sad, very mild general hurt/comfort

summary: college au. little to no sleep and awful professors have given you quite the day, and you need a nap. preferably in obi-wan's bed.

also posted on ao3

more self-indulgent fluff from me! i’m a one-trick pony! but i was yearning and stressed over college and i’ve screwed up my sleep schedule again so yknow here we are. i hope some of you enjoy my too sweet fluff. i would definitely write a cute little au series of this concept if i had the time <3

Oh, college. The ultimate vehicle of stress.

Your first of two classes you had on Fridays had went absolutely horrid, all on top of the fact you had gotten maybe an hour of sleep the night prior to get the homework due today done. You knew you needed to be better about procrastination, you really knew, but there's only so much blame you can put on your past self before you run out of time to catch up on the work that was stressing you out enough to put it off in the first place.

Your one, single hour of sleep had been at the cost of you having enough time to properly wake up and get ready as usual, so on top of being exhausted, you also had to deal with being around people when you felt more insecure than usual, feeling like a slob and like everyone was judging you for not having your usual makeup or outfit on. It did nothing to help your already miserable mental state.

In your first class, there was a discussion on the work due today, and the professor had taken every shot he could at putting down your contributions and opinions in the assignment. The rest of the class was completely silent as well, not knowing what to say. It was humiliating, and had gone on for around fifteen minutes, which ended up feeling like hours. After finally getting out of that class, you just wanted to curl up in a ditch and cease to exist for a while. But you had another class in around half an hour.

You sighed as you got in line at the campus market, clutching your meager excuse for lunch—some potato chips—in your arms like it was a precious treasure. It wasn’t the most fulfilling lunch, but the campus up-charged on-campus food like crazy, so you didn’t feel like wasting too much of your money on mediocre food. You would just eat later after your next class.

Just as you were imagining the lecture you’d receive from him for your poor nutritional choices, your phone buzzed with a message from your favorite person—Obi-Wan. He had sent you a simple little meme, one of those with a cat surrounded by heart emojis, accompanied with a simple “thinking about you :-).” You smiled and almost felt like crying at how sweet it was, despite this being a daily occurrence from him. That man loved his wholesome memes, and sent them regularly, and you were so thankful. It always made your day better.

But after today? The little spark of happiness didn’t last long.

After paying for your sad excuse of sustenance, you trudged out of the university center, walking slow as can be in the general direction of your next class. You really did not want to go; you could feel the exhaustion creeping up on you and you could tell you’d doze off in class, which was a nightmare waiting to happen. Although you had your best friend, Anakin, to cover for you, since he sat right next to you in that class, you just didn’t feel like dealing with any of it today. None of it.

And with that, you simply turned and started walking towards the edge of campus, toward your safe haven: Obi-Wan and Anakin’s apartment. You lived quite the ways away from campus, much too far to walk, but Obi-Wan and Anakin’s little home was just a block over. Your boyfriend had class for another hour or two, but you really just wanted a place to nap, and you didn’t trust yourself to drive all the way home. You would’ve almost certainly been hanging out with Obi-Wan later tonight anyway, so you figured he wouldn’t mind. You could have him bring you to get your car sometime later.

After some delirious walking, you finally reached the apartment complex, heaving out a sigh once you stepped in the elevator, leaning against the wall as it made its way to the second floor. Your brain was absolutely fried from the lack of sleep, stress, and emotional day you had, and you could feel yourself struggling to hold back tears from the overwhelming mood beginning to take your mind once you arrived and managed a small knock at the door.

“Oh no, is it raining?” Anakin’s brows furrowed once he let you in, figuring you were there to drive him. That’s what you always did when it was raining outside, mostly just so you didn’t have to hear him complain about his clothes being wet during class.

“No, I just- I can’t deal with another class today,” You sighed, setting your bag down by the couch and toeing off your shoes.  “Obi’s not working today, right?”

“No, he should be home after class,” Anakin watched as you rounded the kitchen counter, helping yourself to a glass of water. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just having a day,” you could feel your shoulders hanging, your posture reflecting your mood. “I just need some sleep. I can’t do class the rest of today, sorry to leave you to deal with Windu alone today.” You scrunched your nose in apology, referring to your strict, and often frustrating political science professor. The man was wonderful at lecturing, but absolutely frustrating when it came to assignments and tests. He often liked to pick on Anakin for discussions, and usually you came in to save him when no one else in the class felt like talking.

��Don’t worry about it, I can handle him on my own,” your friend nodded, reaching over to squeeze your arm affectionately. “Enjoy your nap,” he collected his bag and put in an earbud, preparing for the walk to campus. “But do not eat all my snacks like last time. Obi-Wan hates Cheetos, so I know it was you.” He gave you one last playful glare before grinning and shutting the door behind him. You looked down at the counter, now alone in the quiet apartment. You felt safe here, comforted by your best friend and boyfriend’s belongings laying about. It was clear what was Anakin’s and what was Obi-Wan’s, the difference very clearly seen between objects that were tidily tucked in their places, while others were strewn about in random places. You had witnessed many fights between the two adopted brothers over things like this, and sometimes it was a wonder they were able to live alone together at all. Not to say that Anakin hadn’t insinuated you should move in with them multiple times lately, very pointedly looking at Obi-Wan while he did so. Of course you would say yes in a second, but you didn’t want to pressure your boyfriend, who was very careful about big decisions in your relationship. The two of you had been dating for almost a year now, and were practically inseparable, and he was secure in the fact that you both believed there would never be anyone else you could love as much as each other. However, you knew Obi-Wan was a very particular man, and could be somewhat traditional in his courting. You thought it was sweet. Anakin, who was already daydreaming to you about proposing to his own partner, thought it was stupid, saying you already practically live here anyway! He wasn’t totally wrong. At this point, unless Obi-Wan was at yours or you were somewhere with him, you were probably going to be found at their place.

You sighed to yourself, feeling your eyes getting heavy. You were beginning to crash from your many cups of coffee last night. You headed straight for Obi-Wan’s room after locking the front door. His room was always impressively neat, never any clothes on the floor or anything out of place, except momentarily when you had forgotten to put something away or the two of you were in the middle of something. Painted a deep blue, and decorated with various framed posters or art, along with a few framed photos, his room was very simple. It was just the right size for it to be cozy without being suffocating.

You made a pitstop at his closet, pulling a sweater off the very top of his laundry basket, the one he’d worn the day before, along with some pajama shorts you kept in his dresser for impromptu sleepovers. You changed quickly, not keen to sleep in jeans, and also wanting desperately to lay down. You crawled into his bed, snuggling under the sheets and breathing in the scent of him all around you. Sleep came not long after you settled into the blankets.

---

Obi-Wan hummed softly under his breath, a song that you had showed him a few days ago and had subsequently gotten stuck in his head. He smiled to himself as he remembered the overjoyed look on your face when he had told you how much he liked it, fumbling to get his keys out of his pocket and get in his apartment. He paused while he was hanging his jacket up, noting your bag next to the couch, along with the glass on the counter. He furrowed his brows, knowing you had class, and although you certainly had before, you rarely skipped since your professors counted absences against your grade. He dropped his bag next to yours and made his way into his room, shoulders drooping as the weight of worry escaped them. You were curled up in his bed, wearing one of his sweaters, fast asleep. It was an adorable sight, you clutching onto the stuffed bearded dragon you had won out of a claw machine at the mall on your last trip together, whom you had gleefully named Boga as you passed the gift into his arms, insisting it was for him.

Obi-Wan shucked off his pants, leaving him in a t-shirt and his boxers, before sliding in next to you. He watched your eyelashes flutter slightly; clearly you were dreaming. You mumbled something in your sleep, followed by a happy sigh, and another mumble of something that vaguely resembled his name. He could’ve collapsed in on himself from adoration purely aimed at you.Carefully, he reached over to brush a stray hair out of your face, before beginning to press kisses to your skin, first at your jaw, then cheek, forehead, nose. You began to stir at his affections, sleepily blinking open your eyes to your boyfriend smiling at you. He trailed his hand down your arm, intertwining your fingers together as you began to wake up more.

“Hi, Obi.”

“Hello, my love,” he murmured, keeping his voice soft. “Not that I don’t enjoy coming home to you in my bed, but don’t you have class right now?” Your peaceful state from just waking up seemed to crack at his words, and a lump came back to your throat at the return of your sour mood from earlier. His eyebrows furrowed at your immediate change in mood, knowing something was wrong.

“I really couldn’t handle another class today,” you rolled onto your back, moving your joined hands to lay on your stomach. Obi-Wan scooted closer to you, resting his head against his hand, propped up on his elbow as he studied your face. “Sorry, I should’ve texted you to let you know I was going to be here.”

“No apology needed, darling, you’re always welcome here,” he untangled his fingers from yours, beginning to play with your hair as you talked. You could feel tears springing to your eyes from the gentle affection, the simple relief of being around the person you loved most, and his immediate recognition of your need for comfort. Obi-Wan could read your moods almost scarily well, and he almost always knew what you needed from him to make it better. “If you want to talk about what’s made you sad, I’m here to listen. Or we can just have a cuddle and listen to music.” You managed a small smile at his offer. Always so sweet.

“Can I have all of the above?” You turned your head to pout up at him, earning a happy grin and chuckle from your boyfriend.

“Anything for my sweetheart,” he pressed a chaste kiss to your lips, rolling off the bed to retrieve his phone from where he’d set it on his dresser. He shuffled the playlist you had made together one late night on Spotify when you couldn’t sleep, full of relaxing songs that the both of you often drifted off listening to together, since the both of you couldn’t sleep in complete silence. “Now, come here.” He almost jumped back into the bed, immediately pulling you on top of him. Your head fell into its usual spot at his neck, forehead pressed to his pulse point, which was steady and comforting. Obi-Wan wrapped you up in his arms, gentle hands sliding under your— his— sweater, rubbing comforting shapes into your lower back. You hummed contentedly.

“I might fall asleep like this instead.”

“That’s okay, honey,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your head. You let out a soft chuckle as his scruff tickled your forehead. “Now, tell me everything that’s wrong so I can make it better.”

As you began to detail everything that had led you to seek refuge in his bed, Obi-Wan listened patiently, humming affirmations every so often and continuing to trace lines across your back, his sweater now partially pushed up to expose your lower back. The contrast between the slight chill of the open air and his hands was pure heaven. You didn’t know how you were still talking so clearly; half your attention was busy focusing on the slight callouses of his fingertips against your skin. Everything was warm and gentle, swallowing you up in velvet and sunshine. It was an absolute miracle that you didn’t doze off by the time you finished venting, the heavy feeling dragging you down having been lifted just the slightest bit, both by letting it out and by Obi-Wan’s hold.

“That is quite the horrid day, my dear,” he affirmed. “But you made it through, and it’s over now. You’re here and you’re safe, and we can spend the rest of the night doing whatever you like. You can relax.” His arms fully circled your waist then, squeezing you to him affectionately in a hug. “Everything will be better now.”

“Yeah,” you murmured, lifting your head and slightly sitting up from your comfortable position against his chest. Your boyfriend gave you a small smile when your gazes met, leaning into your hand that was now resting against his cheek. “You’re too good for me, Obi.”

“Oh no, I’m afraid it’s the other way around,” he grinned, a bit of pink settling on his cheeks. Crow’s feet became evident around his eyes and you were absolutely crushed by how lucky you are, how much you loved this man. “It’s a privilege just to be able to make you feel better after the awful day you’ve had.” His words were completely genuine, gaze absolutely soft as he looked at you. You could have cried. You don’t know how you didn’t. Obi-Wan seemed to gather this from your long silence, and the slight shift of expression on his face. “Everything alright, angel?”

“Yeah,” you said after a moment, pressing a short, chaste kiss to his lips. He found your hand next to his head, intertwining his fingers with yours. He squeezed your hand and tilted his head in a silent are you sure?  “Everything’s perfect.”

[dionnaea]

Revelations | Pieck x Reader

pairing: pieck finger x gn!reader

warnings: cursing, some yelling, ends in fluff 

wc: 1.8k

a/n: sorry that this is a couple days late! midterms wore me out, and i didn’t feel like looking at a word document for a day or two. hope you enjoy it nonetheless! let me know what you think :)

request: Hi can I request a pieck x male reader (or gender neutral if your more comfortable with that) maybe the reader is a scout that was captured after the attack and she is in charge of watching them maybe they slowly warm up to each other after reader reveals the horrors they’ve gone through with the Titans during an argument with pieck and eventually they start a relationship?  

attack on titan masterlist | general masterlist

Yes, you had met some annoying scouts during your training, but you had never met anyone as annoying as the Marleyan soldier that was sent to guard your cells. He spent most of his time either throwing schoolyard insults your way or trying to flirt with every captive. It was ridiculous, and you were getting more than tired of listening to his squeaky, borderline pre-pubescent voice flood the stone-lined hallway. His break times had turned into a safe haven of sorts for you and your comrades, but as the thirty minutes creeped by, you became more and more antsy. 

Today, however, seemed to be different as a woman walked in a little while after the regular guard left. She had walked by all of the cells, taking subtle glances inside each one, before having a seat near your end of the row. In fact, she was a mere five feet away from the bars of your current habitat, and you took the chance to study her. 

The first thing you noticed was the red band clasped securely around her left arm, denoting her Warrior status. It shone like a beacon or a warning, you couldn’t decide which. Still, why would a Warrior be sent to watch over some captured scouts? And where had the other man gone? Not that you minded his absence. The curiosity started to eat away at you, and you figured there was no harm in asking. 

“Hey,” you started. You were taken aback when you realized that she was already looking at you, like she knew exactly what you were going to say. 

“He was moved to another post,” she answered your unspoken question. “I’m here in the interim.” 

“Ah,” you responded. 

Her voice was a bit too soft for your liking; it was unbecoming of a killer, you thought with spite. You didn’t like her being here. A regular, annoying Marleyan soldier was one thing, but a Warrior? It was like a stab straight to every scout’s heart. Your chest started to feel a bit hotter as your anger towards her grew. You hadn’t been there when she delivered the boulders to the Beast Titan to decimate your comrades, but you had heard the tale, a horror story only told late at night. As if she had the right to exist in the same building, on the same continent even as the predecessors of those she had killed. 

You scoffed out loud, and the Warrior turned to face you, furrowing her eyebrows as if she were actually concerned. You glared in response. It was stupid, you thought, that she was allowed to have a face like that, the face of an angel, and still act like a devil. 

The day passed, her sitting idly by while you did your best to play a card game in your head. You tried to picture all of the cards and their suits and numbers, placing them on the imaginary table you had set up on the floor of your cell. It wasn’t going well, you kept losing, as you kept getting distracted by the feeling of the Warrior’s gaze burning into the back of your skull. It was almost as annoying as the squeaks of the original guard, and you felt a sense of pure relief as soon as she left for the night and another guard took her place. 

To your discontent, she returned the next day, too, and the next. By the third day, your blood was boiling. Even though you were always turned away from her, you could feel her eyes on you most of the time. It was pissing you off, and you couldn’t hold back anymore. 

“What the hell?!” You questioned as you whipped around, not surprised to find her dark eyes piercing into yours. Hers were wide in confusion, and that made you even more mad. “What’s so interesting about the back of my head, huh? You busy picturing what it would look like with a bullet in it or something?” It was a harsh statement, you knew, but you also believed she deserved it. 

She shook her head quickly and with so much force that her crutch started to slide from where it was balanced against her chair. She swiftly reached out to catch it, holding onto it with both hands instead of propping it back up. 

“N-no. I just…” She paused, gathering her thoughts. “I just was trying to figure out what you were doing.” 

You scowled. “What I was doing?” You repeated incredulously. “I’m wasting away in a jail cell, that’s what I’m doing!” You stood up in a flash, pressing your body against the bars and grabbing onto them until your knuckles were white. “I’m stuck here because of you, you know!” 

She shook her head again, denying your statement. “No, you’re here because you killed my people.” 

“Well, you killed mine!” You shouted back. Your voice lowered as you spoke again, grief flowing through you. “Thousands, millions even. You slaughtered them all without a thought for their families, and children, and friends. You destroyed our home without regrets, without us doing a damn thing to you, so stop complaining that we destroyed yours.” 

The woman was quiet now, her head bowed and hair covering her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, and that pissed you off more. You started to go off again, but she stopped you with her next words. “Tell me. Tell me what we did to you. I want to know everything.” 

When she looked up, there was an honesty and sadness in her eyes that you never would’ve expected to see. It shook you, and for a second, you saw a normal human being rather than a Warrior. Somehow that look calmed you, and you became willing to tell the stories of you and so many others, both dead and alive. 

You learned her name was Pieck, and the two of you talked for hours. You described the horrors of life under the threat of Titans, you told of the atrocities that occurred on the battlefield, you explained to her the loss and grief and overwhelming depression that came with the life every scout and citizen of Paradis was being forced to live. 

And to your stupefaction, she listened to every word quietly, nodding her head to signal that she was taking in the information. She didn’t try to sympathize or compare experiences, she just sat and let you talk, letting herself realize her own sins. Once you were silent, you could tell she understood, at least as much as an outsider could. She didn’t need to apologize for you could see in her face that she had plenty of regrets, and Pieck was well aware that an apology would mean practically nothing. It was atonement that she sought now, and Pieck figured a good place to start would be with you. 

From that day on, you grew closer with the woman. You never shared mindless conversations, but instead always talked of the past and of your experiences. You heard stories of her Warrior training and realized the brainwashing that the Eldians living on Marley had been put under from birth. A part of you was proud to see that Pieck had overcome it in a sense, happy to realize that peace was truly possible if constructive conversations could be had. It was promising, and slowly but surely, talking to Pieck became the highlight of your day, something you looked forward to as she made you forget about your lonely little cell. 

Weeks had passed, and then one night changed everything. 

You were struggling to sleep, the thin sheet you were given was not enough to protect you from the cold and the hard bed was giving you a pounding headache. The only comfort you had was the knowledge that you could see Pieck again in a few hours once the sun came up. The hallway was silent other than the occasional moments when the night watchman got up to use the restroom. He sat on the other end of the hall from you, and you were thankful that he couldn’t see into your cell from where he was stationed. 

The next time he got up, he didn’t come back for quite a while, and you started to wonder if something had happened to him. Were the scouts finally coming to rescue you? Your heart began to pound harder as you heard the door to the hall creak open and keys jingle. You cracked your eyes open to see who was here only to be met with the sight of Pieck standing outside your enclosure, fiddling with the keys before sliding one into your door’s lock. 

You sat up quickly, tossing the sheet off of you and standing to meet her against the bars. Keeping your voice as low as possible, you whispered, “Pieck! What’re you doing?”

She whispered back, pushing your door open and holding out a pile of clothes to you. “Put these on. I want to take you somewhere.” 

You obliged quickly, not questioning the possibility that you could escape somehow. Was she helping you to leave? But how would you get back to Paradis? Options were running through your head at lightspeed as you slipped on the long sleeve shirt and jacket. She guided you down the hallway after you were dressed, careful not to wake anyone or stir suspicion. You barely recognized the building as you walked through it as it had been months since you had last seen anything other than stone walls and metal bars. When Pieck pushed the backdoor open and let you wander back into nature, the breath was stolen from your lungs. 

It was cold outside, but in a different way than your cell. The air was refreshing rather than stale and the wind was pleasant, not a musty draft. You could smell the light scent of flowers in the air, and you wondered exactly where it was coming from, suddenly craving the feeling of petals on your fingertips. Pieck seemed to understand your thoughts as she led you to a small garden on the other side of the pathway. Upon seeing the dainty plants, you rushed over to them, brushing your fingers over the colors and savoring the different textures. 

As you straightened back up, Pieck took your hand gently. You felt a bit embarrassed with how dry yours were, hers as silky smooth as the petals you had just caressed, and you apologized quickly and quietly. Laughing softly, Pieck just tightened her grasp, assuring you there was nothing to worry about by how she pulled you closer. Her being this close was intoxicating, and you felt yourself melt into her, peace washing over you in waves. For some reason, all of this felt new to you, like you were starting over in the world with Pieck, and you were perfectly content to stand here beside her.

It wasn’t until later, when you were back and locked securely into your cell, that you realized you didn’t mind staying a bit longer on Marley as long as Pieck was here, too.

[laceymorganwrites]

Rant about slut and virgin shaming

I´m putting this under a cut just in case

I was inspired to do this because of @prettyforpapiiwa (hi, I don´t know you, we haven´t ever spoken a word but seeing you on my dash makes me feel happy and confident, oh also: shout out to you for not being toxic, quick little fun fact: I wanted to text u but got too scared, for I am but a weird shy noodle boy)

okay so let´s start with slut shaming

who the fuck are you to tell people that? Like maybe get that stick out of your ass and replace it with some dick

I am not saying that sex solves everything but couldn´t resist making that joke, I will go into great detail with my situation later

However what I am saying is that it´s nobody´s business how many people you have slept with. It is your decision alone who you´re gonna tell. It´s equally valid if you tell nobody and if you tell the whole world

you should never be ashamed of that

I hate the negative connotation with those things, let people hoe around with consent, they´re not hurting anybody

I never understood why people want to suck out the fun of things rather than sucking dick

but then again, people really do equal shit 

slut shaming just pisses me off, man

the amount of sexual partners and experience does not amount to the value of a person and that´s on that

now, the longer part cause I am a selfish bitch

so, virgin shaming, right?

I´ve lived with this my whole life. Every fucking time people take their right that doesn´t exist and be like: oh you just need a good fuck to be alright again

you just need to get fucked real nice to cure your anger, your depression

you don´t understand, but once you get fucked you will

once you get fucked so good you will be a man/woman

I call bullshit

first of all I´m a virgin cause 1. trauma and 2. demisexual and haven´t found my baby yet

I used to be really appalled by the idea of sex because of my experiences, as well as people praising it like nothing else

Like okay, maybe sex is good. Cool.

Doesn´t mean I want it and that´s okay.

If you don´t wanna get fucked and don´t wanna fuck someone else, that´s perfectly fine and just as valid as someone who wants to fuck a lot

just....

can we stop the entitlement of ppl who have had sex?? and get all up our asses with it???

like bro, I simply don´t care. I told you a million times that I don´t want to have sex and you´re just gonna have to live with it cause frankly: 

it´s none of your fucking concern

and there´s nothing to worry about! There´s nothing fucking wrong with me, just cause you´re not used to ppl glorifying sex doesn´t mean I have an issue or smth

it just means I value other things more

and so what if I´m a virgin at 18? I am still fucking young, never had any real relationships let alone people who were interested in me like that

also

isn´t it really funny how ppl are always so concerned with your love life? being like: oh, but you´re so wonderful, you´d be such a good partner

yeah, bitch, I fucking know and still get ghosted cause I am just not it, chief

so stop it.

just fucking stop getting into other people´s business like that

and to those of you saying: oh but you´re just whining, there´s not a problem here, slut and virgin shaming is just my opinion anyway

fuck you. and here´s some negative things that happened to me because of it:

- feeling the need to get fucked immediately and wanting to go off to the nearest bar once I turn 18, thank FUCK I didn´t

- feeling like the worst whenever someone mentioned sex or their experience, I felt sick, just really sick and uncomfortable

- I never dared to say it though cause I didn´t wanna be the weird one yet again

 - feeling like a failure cause I´m unable to orgasm on my own (and yes, I have tried everything, I do masturbate a lot and yeah maybe not everyone wanted to know that info, but here you go anyway)

- not writing smut cause I didn´t have the right to as a virgin

and another thing I noticed on here lately:

CAN WE PLS STOP ROMANTICISING VIRGINGS; THANK YOU VERY MUCH

I´m not talking about posts like: character x would be cute as a virgin because they´d let their partner take the lead and experience it with them, being really nervous and apologizing the whole way through (been seeing a lot of hcs like those, shout out to you, makes me feel good about myself!)

I´m talking about ppl taking it too far yet again, being like omg I wanna take their virginity so bad, virgins are so cute overall, or the opposite: seeing it as something that needs to be taken away at all costs, something you need to be cured of?

all my alarm bells are ringing istg

anywho. just wanted to get this off my tiddies since it annoys the shit out of me.

people can choose to fuck and not to fuck and nobody has the right to stick their nose into this. 

never apologize for doing you, you´re not sick, there´s nothing wrong with you, everything´s peachy, society just sucks, boo

[mobius-m-mobius]

Have you seen the French Dispatch yet? If you haven´t just stop reading and forget this ask. If you have ... are you just as disappointed with herb´s 5 minute screen time as i am? i mean i knew it was a small part but that small? that little baby deserved more

Thank you for the ask and apologies for the v late reply anon, idk if you saw the post I made when you originally sent this but wanted to wait until after wide release before mentioning anything about his screen time. The official answers are that I finally had time to watch last weekend and wasn't surprised but BEYOND disappointed because I love him and he deserves the world :(

(Feel free to stop reading at this point because I'm about to ramble waaaay too much about love of my life Herbsaint Sazerac to the point that this is going behind a read more since there's a whole damn essay coming y'alls way right down to how charming his cute dumb socks are and yes he could leave them on 😔)

SO I'd actually heard about all his scenes / screen time right before the release so going in knowing what to expect helped but even then disappointed's a major understatement :(

Tbh considering the size of the cast and the fact that his roles in Wes movies clearly aren't ever going to be what they were I wasn't expecting more than 10-15 minutes tops but it did feel like a waste of a character with limitless potential, y'know? Not to mention Owen being so prominent in all the trailers and promo...

I guess for me the real letdown was expecting Herb's (hadn't thought of calling him that and LOVE it so thank you again anon 😂) contributions to be scattered more throughout the film rather than basically all at the start and therefore involving a little more interaction outside the newspaper office which was sort of a selfish wish just because Herb's unique, utterly beautiful, and Owen has chemistry working with everyone which is just plain fun to watch ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Maybe I just wanted more Herb scenes to look forward to but the genuine feeling overall was that the film was a fun watch but would've flowed better as a look at a typical, everyday print that happened to have those three stories simultaneously going on around town in between his travel interludes. Keep the opening as is then add in bonus intros to each new plot. Idk, say maybe before part 2 he's meandering around town talking about something lovely but mundane then swerves to avoid some protestors which segues into Revisions to a Manifesto, etc. Eventually the staff gathers and each of them think they've obviously got the lead story except Herb who's cool chilling out in his own world slightly perplexed there was so much going on around town that day or something.

Then you have throwaway lines like how he hates flowers which for whatever reason lives in my head rent free, somehow the character has soooooo much style / depth for the little content we got which makes the low screen time hurt that much more because he could easily carry a whole film. Look at that soft travel bb give him a series of specials asap and let him tour the world 🥰 Everything about him's immediately distinctive from the outfit (those socks AND the beret??? okay icon go on) to his approach around town and the fact that this is the only character Owen's played in a Wes movie that doesn't jump to please people or lean into a more social disposition which I'm choosing to look at as kind of an acknowledgement Owen's been looking for a fresh take on a lot of his recent roles (like his approach to Mobius) and that their irl creative partnership is currently in a similar form of maybe not necessarily being on the same page, kind of begrudgingly so, but there's still respect and appreciation to continue collabs however limited 🙃

(This is already the online equivalent of me talking nonstop for a year or something so giving it a rest but please know I could easily keep going 😂😂)

[softboywriting]

Haven Port | Chapter One | Shawn Mendes

Summary: Shawn and his pack have moved to your tiny town of Haven Port. You've never met werewolves other than your dad before and you’re infinitely curious. You may be only half werewolf but you and Shawn have a connection that will send you on a wild romantic journey in this small town you call home. [hybrid reader] [werewolf shawn] 

Word count: 2.5k

|Masterlist In Bio|

--------

Winter in Haven Port never seemed to end. The small town was blanketed in snow probably a solid 6 months of the year. The population was under four hundred and much of the residents lived outside the actual town.

You were born and raised here in Haven Port, the only child of a Werewolf father and a human mother. Your parents met when your dad got run out of a pack town along the shore.

For twenty two years you've grown up with the same people, and known everyone like they were your family. So when someone new shows up in town you're surprised, and even more so because they came into your shop.

Owning a tea and coffee shop in a place so small seemed unreasonable but most of your business came from regulars, fisherman from the boat yard and online orders that you shipped around the world. You specialize in making custom tea blends and gift baskets that become a highly sought after item during the Christmas season.

The bell over the front door jingles and you dismiss it for a moment, assuming it's one of your regular customers and they will wait for you to appear momentarily. You continue to stack the boxes of your most recent shipment of whole tea leaves. You like to grind them yourself when you make your blends.

You glance out into the shop and see a tall, young, dark haired guy browsing your display table. His appearance stumps you, and you can't put a finger on who he is. For a second you think he is Felicia's son, Cody, the one who ran the post office during the week. But he is too tall, far too tall.  

“Who in the world...” You mutter to yourself as you climb over boxes to get to the counter. A better look would help.

“Hello is anybody- oh. Hello.” The stranger smiles and his eyes meet yours as you approach the sales counter. His eyes...wow...they were like liquid gold, honey in the sun, Amber on an ancient tree. They are stunning.

“Hi,” you say, a smile infectiously spreading across your face of it's own free will. “I don't think we've met.”

“We sure haven't,” he purrs and extends a hand out to you. His eyes leave yours in favor of your ears.

You flatten your ears down and back, realizing he probably thinks you're a weirdo. You hated interaction with people who didn't know you. How could you have forgotten the fuzzy things sticking out of your hair?

“It's rude to stare,” you say cooly, shaking his hand very briefly before burying them in the pockets of your apron.

The guy shakes he head and looks down, a slight blush tinting his cheeks. “I'm so sorry. It's been a long time since I met a hybrid...I shouldn't be so rude. I'm s-”

“You've met others?” You ask, cutting him off and he raises his eyebrows. “Where did you come from?”

“You're a curious little pup aren't you?” He chuckles and leans against the counter. “How about we exchange names before we talk histories? I'm Shawn.”

You give your name and twist your hands in your apron. “Would you like some tea? Coffee?”

Shawn looks up at the menu and hums. He bites his lip, narrowing his eyes as he reads. “I'll have the Earl Grey special. No sugar.”

You punch it into the register and announce his total. He slides a card and you turn away to make his drink. When you turn to give it to him he is on his phone, frowning at the small screen. You slide the cup toward him and he wraps his hand around it, brushing your fingers with his.

He looks up, smiles and takes the cup. “Thank you. Have a good day,” he smirks and heads out into the icy spring air.

“Wait! You didn't...tell me where you were from.” You sigh, watching him pull off the street in a big black Jeep that looks way too new for anyone in Haven Port.

Immediately you go for your phone on the back counter. You had to tell your best friend, Faye, exactly what happened. She'd probably never believe you, and maybe Shawn was a fever dream, but you had to tell her anyway.

_____________________

Two days later you turn around from grinding up some tea for a special order and drop your spice blender as you catch sight of Shawn standing at the counter. You'd never heard the bell ring, but it was probably because the blender had been too loud.

Shawn rushes around the counter as you squat down to clean up the broken blender base. “I'm so sorry! I didn't think I'd scare you!” He kneels down and helps you clean up. “I can replace it, I'll order you a new one, top of the line. I feel so bad.”

“It's okay, I've got an extra one. It's not your fault at all. I was just startled.”

Shawn reaches for a towel to put the small pieces into to carry to the trash can. Unfortunately the towel he grabs has powdered sugar all over it from an instant coffee blend you were working on. The white sugar snows down all over your head and you can't help but laugh, falling back against the cupboard as Shawn stares in shock that he's screwed up again.

“I-I am so sorry,” Shawn mutters, reaching for your ears and running his hand over your fur gently dusting the sugar off.  

The moment he touches you, you're done for. Your eyes roll back, you lean into his hand, and you go slack. All you want to do in that moment is curl up on this strangers lap and have him adore you. God if he asked you to, you'd be all over him like a puppy wanting attention.

“Hey, you okay?” Shawn asks quietly, hand in your hair, thumb stroking over the base of your ear.

You snap back to reality, pulling yourself out of the euphoria you'd entered. You shove Shawn away and scramble back along the floor. “Don't touch my ears!” You blurt out as you smooth them down, trying to get rid of the feel of his hands.

Shawn stares, bewildered by your sudden mood change. He stands, brushing his pants off and looks to the front door as the bell jingles.

You stand up and see Faye crossing the small sitting area. She stops, eyes finding Shawn almost instantly. He was hard to miss, being so tall and broad.

“I should go,” Shawn mutters, walking around the counter and straight out the front door.

“Ohmygod! That's Shawn? That! Wow, if you don't lock that down, I'm going to.” Faye drops her bag on the counter and click her tongue. “What happened in here?”

“I dropped a spice blender.”

“Uh huh,” Faye says, eyeing the mess behind the counter. “ You sure you didn't knock it off the counter while you and Shawn were getting hot and heavy?”

“Faye! I don't even know him!”

Faye snorts. “Psh not yet, but you're gonna.”

_____________________

A few weeks later and you're behind the shop taking trash out and it's snowing. The sun went down hours ago and the night sky is reflecting off the snow, making the town an off orange and brownish hue. You crunch across the fresh fallen snow. May 2nd and still snowing. That was Haven Port for you.

“Hey,” you hear softly from behind you followed by crunching footsteps. You turn and see Shawn approaching with his hands in his pockets. “I'm sorry I touched your ears.”

“What? Oh! Oh that was weeks ago.” You laugh, shrugging it off. “You didn't know, you were just trying to help. Is that why you haven't come by?”

Shawn rubs his neck nervously. “Well, it's part of the reason. The other part is that I'm helping my pack move into a place right outside town. I was the first to get here so-”

“You're a Werewolf? You're like me!” You grin, excitement bubbling out of you as you start toward Shawn. You knew there was something about him when you'd seen those gorgeous golden eyes.

“Yes,” Shawn chuckles as you circle him. “I take it you haven't met any Werewolves lately?”

“Never. Just my dad, but it's not the same.” You circle him and shake your head. “How do I know you're not a liar?”

Shawn cracks his neck and rolls his shoulders for a second before he steps back and before your very eyes, his form changes into that of a very large rich brown and black wolf.

You can't help yourself as you touch his fur tentatively, fully burying your fingers in his coat near his neck. He sits and you drop to your knees in the snow, hands running up and down his back.

Shawn shifts back, sitting on the ground before you. “You're hard to read.”

“Huh?”

“Well,” he starts, taking your hand and rubbing his fingers over your palm. “You're sweet and shy one moment, then you yell at me the next. Now you're like a kid in a candy store upon learning about me.”

“Y-you're a wolf, how could I not be excited.”

“I'm an alpha actually.”

“An alpha? Oh my God.”

Shawn laughs, standing and pulling you up out of the snow. “You've really never met a wolf before huh?”

“Never. I've never left Haven Port, and not very many people visit here. We're kind of a stop over for fishing boats and that's it.”

“Ah, yeah, I picked Haven Port just for that reason. My pack has run into trouble over the past few years and I really just wanted to settle down somewhere nice. Something drew me to this place...I dunno what it was.”

You shake your head. “There's nothing here?”

“You're here.”

A blush tints your cheeks and you bite your lip. “I'm not sure what you mean.”

Shawn crosses his arms and looks you over. “Come on. I move to this little sleepy snow-covered town and I meet the most adorable hybrid on my first day? I think this town is going to be just what I needed.”

You roll your eyes and turn toward the back door of the shop. “You're such a flirt. I know you're just trying to butter me up for whatever reason.”

“I am not trying t-”

“You don't have to try so hard,” you giggle and Shawn smiles, chuckling nervously. “I'm already interested.”

“Oh? You are huh?”

You walk slowly back toward the door and Shawn follows.”I am. Would you mind walking me home?”

“Of course not. Would you like a ride instead? My Jeep is parked out front.”

“I'd rather walk, if you don't mind. I'm just...I don't know you that well. I don't think getting in a car with a stranger is very smart.”

Shawn shakes his head and laughs. “You're totally right. I'm so dumb, of course we can walk. For the record though, I'm not a creep.”

“Sounds like something a creep would say,” you joke and he just sighs into a chuckle.

You grab your bag and a hat off the coat hooks by the door. You lock up, pushing Shawn out and fishing your keys from your coat pocket to lock the dead bolts.

The two of you walk around the building and past his Jeep and you pause, looking at the shiny black car. It was really nice, and you sort of always dreamed of having one. They were such great all terrain vehicles...it makes you wonder if he bought it just before moving here.

“What's on your mind?” Shawn whispers, leaning in close to your ear. It sends a shiver down your spine.

“Nothing, I was just spacing off. Come on, I live up this way.”

You set off up the street, heading for the road that turned toward a street lined with old brick homes. It's chilly, and the wind picks up significantly as you round the corner to your street. You pull your coat closer around you and shiver, even with your Werewolf genetics, the cold got to you sometimes.

“Are you cold?” Shawn asks, glancing over your shivering form. “I could give you my jacket, I'd be fine.”

“No, no we're almost there.” You bite your lip to keep your teeth from chattering and tug your hat down from where it's slid up because of your ears.

“Pup, stop,” Shawn murmurs and grabs your hand. “You're shaking so badly. I can't in good conscience let you keep going like this.”

“I'm not a pup. I'm an adult,” you say a little harsher than you mean to. “I just...I'm fine. We're almost there. It's only a few houses down.”

“Please, I insist.” Shawn shrugs off his thick winter coat so he's standing in a nice collared front zip sweater. It's form fitting and you can't help your eyes as they wander over his chest.

“Fine,” you sigh. Shawn helps you put the coat, squatting to zip it up you. He stands to pull the hood up over your head and admire you in his big coat  It smells like his cologne and him...it's wonderful.

“There, you'll be nice and warm now.” Shawn says smiling down at you as a snowflake falls on your nose.

The two of you look up as it begins to snow, big clusters of flakes falling all around you. You push the coat hood back and your hat falls off as you tilt your head up to catch flakes on your tongue.

Shawn joins you and you can't help but laugh. You're two weirdos standing in the middle of the street at nearly eleven at night catching the first flakes of a snowstorm in your mouths. “What are we doing?” You giggle and Shawn shakes his hair out.

“I'm taking you home I believe.”

“Right, yeah.” You pull the hood over your head, pocketing your hat. “It's a few more houses up.”

Your house is at the end of the street. It's small and made of brick with a stone accent around the base of it. It's the home you grew up in and your parents gave to you when they moved a little farther out of town to a cabin your dad built.

At your porch you stop, hands on your keys in your pocket, and look up at Shawn. “Thanks for walking me home. I know it's not a big deal, being out here alone in a tiny little town, but it was nice.”

“Yeah, it's a pretty sleepy town, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.”

“Yeah,” you chuckle nervously, grinding your toe into the snow on the porch. “Good night I guess.”

“Mmhmm. Good night.”

Shawn steps off the porch and heads for the road to go back and get his Jeep. It's not until you're inside, greeting your cat Parker, that you realize you still have Shawn's coat on. Quickly you go to the window and look out, he's more than half way down the street and you decide you'll just have to keep it for now. Not that you mind.

-------

Please send feedback in asks, replies or reblogs. Let me know if you’d like to read this story. Thank you so much -A

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted fics.*****

[rightsockjin]

Day 3

Summary: Day three rolled around with a challenge to the contestants and the producers in paradise. A thunder storm. What will happen when Y/N is terrified of thunder? Will anyone care? On another note, Y/N has gotten her first date card! Who will be the lucky man to accompany her on a fantastic date? Will it be Jungkook? Taehyung? Seokjin? Jackson? Or it could it be someone who isn’t even on the show? Will it be forever raining?

Rating: T (For mild nudity and sensual descriptions)

Word count:13,758

Hey guys so...if you’ve noticed, we have changed the entire blog to match the multi chapter story that we are currently following on the blog. This will be the norm. So the blog will be changing based on what is happening in the story every so often and there will be hints in posts and in the headers for the members on the master list. We’ve posted a mood board as well so feel free to heart it! Keep an eye on the blog! Things maybe be getting pretty weird from here on out.

I had a question for y'all. Would you want me to write what happens on other people’s dates? The dates that don’t involved Y/N, I mean. I can do one shots of those as well.

Another thought I had is that I'd like to make this interactive. SO I might put polls up on the blog for future dates and rose ceremonies and things like that. Would anyone vote?

Thanks for reading! If yo want to be tagged please send me an ask!

Maybe I could do asks for the characters as well as like part of the confessional? let me know! (You can send questions in starting now if you want!)

~AdminKim

Last time on BANGTAN in Paradise!

Things began with Seokjin and Y/N:

“It’s a beautiful day. There’s beautiful women,” he winked at you, “What’s not to be chipper about?”

“Also…I’m hoping that the date cards start to roll in soon. I’m anxious to be the first to take you out.”

And just as quickly seemed to take a turn for the worst:

“Look if you’re not interested, that’s fine, but don’t pretend to be interested.”

Alliances were made:

“Okay so here’s what I’m thinking. Things are going to get difficult really fast and when that happens, we’re going to need someone that we can trust.  A confidante. A safe haven. A sort of uh-”

“A friend?”

Jackson’s face brightened, “A FRIEND! Exactly! Yes, that’s what we will call it. Friendship! No one will know that we’re in cahoots if they just think they’re friends.”

“Or,” you paused waiting for him to look at you, “We could just be friends? Just a thought.”

An old rival appeared:

“Y/N! I’m so glad to see you,” she said hugging you before you could protest. You patted her back.

“Marie, how have you been?’

“Swell,” she said, pulling away, “I’m so glad to be back here! It looks like we both got a second chance at love huh?”

“Right, I-”

But she wasn’t much more interested in you. She walked past you and hugged Jackson. Your heart sank. You could feel the eyes on you. Pitying.

A bold confession was made:

“I just came to say that…I came here for you.”

“When they offered me the spot here, in Paradise, I was going to turn it down but when they mentioned that you would be here…” 

 “When they said to me ‘Y/N is going to be there’ I didn’t hesitate.”

“I needed to see you and while I realize that right now isn’t the right time to talk about all of this, I just want you to know…the first date card that I get, I will use it on you.”

 Two couple were formed:

“Looks like we have two couples set up in paradise then,” Yeonjun said wisely.

“Looks like it,” Taehyung agreed. If you would have looked at him, you would have seen a satisfied smirk on his face.

And Kim Taehyung showed his true colors:

Things were going to be different this time. Taehyung would make sure of it. Even if he had to be the one doing the hurting.

Will the two couples last? Has Jungkook given up on Y/N? Is Taehyung a bad person? What did Namjoon write on the paper he’d stuck to the ice chest? Will Seokjin ever forgive Y/N? 

Find out NOW ON:

BANGTAN IN PARADISE!

The next morning, you forwent the heat for your hair and braided two Dutch braids on your head instead.You tied a red silk scarf  around your head, two bunny ears on the right side. You decided that you would put on your swim suit then instead of coming back to the room to change. The day’s swim suit was all black and scrunched at the hips. It was a high waisted bikini with a small top. It had thick straps. But it wasn’t chunky. It sat comfortably on your shoulders. It had a lace up back that you struggled to pull tight enough, but you guessed you would be fine if it was a little bit loose as long as you were careful.

The straps suddenly dug into your shoulders and you remembered then that you had gotten sunburned the day before. When you had gotten back to your room, you had expected to see the aloe that Namjoon had helped you apply the day before somewhere in your room but when you hadn’t found it, you assumed you had been right and there was no real way to keep it cold unless it was in a fridge. You had instead applied your own gel but it was much less soothing than Namjoon’s had been. He’d been right in that sense. The cold temperature was much nicer on your burned skin.

Now, it had subsided a bit, but it still burned if your clothes dug in too harshly. You sighed, and pulled on a pair of towel shorts. The sandals that you had ruined the night before sat sadly in a corner. Your dress was stiff with chlorine. It had been so late the night before that you hadn’t had the energy to go and wash it. You took a gamble on the fabric, and though it wasn’t pleasant, the color hadn’t been bleached.

After applying a thick layer of seventy SPF all over your body, you opened your door. Instantly, you stopped in your tracks. A Styrofoam ice chest was at the foot of your door, a piece of paper was stuck to the lid. You looked around as if the person who had left it there was watching from around a corner.

Of course, no one was there. So you picked it up with both hands and set it down on your desk, closing the door behind you. You pulled the taped paper off of the lid. The handwriting was messy and rushed. Some of the letters bled into each other and were hard to read. You squinted at the ink trying to make out what it said.

I knocked a couple of times. You must be asleep. Here’s the gel for your sunburn. Sweet dreams.

-Namjoon and his cute dimples

You smiled, thinking about Namjoon cautiously knocking on your door in the middle of the night, trying not to be too loud so as not to wake anyone else. You imagined him calling your name a couple of times, hopeful that you could come to the door. Then, when there was no sign of you, he set the ice chest down and wrote you a note on his clipboard filled with papers, quickly and messily because he too was tired, and he didn’t want anyone to catch him. After that he might have placed a hand on the door and looked at the peep hole in disappointment that he hadn’t seen you before he knocked one final time, and left.

You shook the thought out of your head and set it aside carefully. You had half a mind to fold it up and tuck it away somewhere deep in your suitcase. Your little secret. But you held yourself back, remembering the cameras in your room. You instead pulled the Styrofoam lid from the cooler and were pleasantly surprised to see that, while a lot had melted, some ice had stayed solid. In the small pool, floated the blue gel and a plastic bag with something tan inside.

You pulled the plastic bag out first. There was a yellow sticky note inside. You pried it open and pulled out the note. Again, there was handwriting but this one was much less rushed and much neater looking. In contrast to the first paper, this handwriting almost looked like script from the olden days. It was almost calligraphy.

So I don’t have to wake up early. Here’s your mic. You know how to put it on. Just click the button on the left until the light turns green. TAKE IT OFF BEFORE YOU GO INTO THE WATER UNLESS YOU WANT TO DEAL WITH ME.

-Namjoon, your boss.

You giggled, setting the tan band aside and fishing out the aloe gel. You wasted no time in applying some to the affected area on your shoulders and on your neck. You applied some right under your eyes, feeling the sting travel all over your face but you didn’t mind. It felt amazing. Just like that, your day has been made. You felt ready to face the day and what it could bring. Hell! You might even be blessed with a date that day!

You set the gel back into the cooler and put the lid on securely hoping that the partially melted ice would keep it cold for later that night then slipped into the tan band that you were quickly becoming accustomed to. You did as Namjoon instructed and watched a small light at the top of the mic light. When you were satisfied that it was in the right place, you smiled at your room one last time then opened your door to leave.

If you had looked back as you closed it, you would have seen the note that Namjoon left you flutter down from the desk where you had left it. As it landed on the floor, it was swept under the desk by the resistance it faced. It landed face down. On the back, in big letters was a warning from Namjoon that you had missed and probably wouldn’t see. It sat innocently, staring up at the desk as if it wouldn’t have changed your entire Paradise experience.

“Morning y’all,” you said as you approached the cabana once again. Jorge was already behind the bar mixing a drink for someone, his red shirt bright and blaring. Before him sat Soobin and Jimin, who was sipping on a white wine. His eyes were a little puffy and his hair was mused. Soobin had a plate of what looked like Chilaquiles.

They both turned when they heard you speak and smiled brightly. Jimin moved over a seat and gestured for you to sit between them. You acquiesced with a graceful bow of your head. Jimin was possibly the shortest man in the villa but when you sat between him and Soobin, you realized he was taller than he seemed. You were dwarfed easily between the two.

“Sleep well Y/N,” Jimin asked instantly, ignoring your wide, surprised eyes. Before you answered, Jimin turned to Jorge and called him over.

“Yes Mr. Jimin,” he asked, setting a pretty cup of something blended in front of Soobin.

“Can you get Y/N some of this wine? It’s really fantastic.”

You opened your mouth to protest but Jimin’s own glass was shoved in your hands, his smile excited now.

“Try it Y/N! You won’t regret it I promise!”

You didn’t have the heart to refuse him. The way that he eagerly watched as you took the cup and carefully raised it to your lips was endearing. You let a miniscule amount pass your lips. Instantly, an explosion of flavor filled your mouth. Your taste buds sang. It was sweet and tangy at the same time. It made the side of your mouth pucker slightly. There was a hint of strawberry and what you thought was peach with an undertone of the regular grape you were used to. It was then that the aroma filled your nostrils. It was powerful. Like a perfume but not headache inducing. It was fancy. Much fancier than any wine you had ever purchased for yourself and not at all something that you would have expected Jimin to like.

“What do you think,” he asked, bouncing on the edge of his seat. He looked like he would explode if you didn’t answer him in the next five seconds.

“Wow,” you said eloquently, holding the clear liquid away from you to look at as if for the first time.

“Right,” he half yelled, turning you to face him with both hands on your bare knees. His hands were warm and encouraging.

“Yeah oh my God it's delicious!”

Jorge chuckled from behind you and placed a full glass in front of you. You handed Jimin his own glass back and turned back to the bar.

“Thank you Jorge,” you said, taking a bigger sip of your cup, “could I get some machacado con huevo?”

“I’m on it,” he said, turning towards the stove near the back. You took another, fairly large sip of your drink then let the taste simmer in your mouth.

Jimin giggled next to you. You furrowed your eyebrows. You turned to look at him but Jimin was looking at his glass. His wine level had gone down a good amount in the last couple of seconds.

“What are you giggling at Jimin?” You asked suspiciously.

“We indirectly kissed,” he said fingering the edge of the cup. You blushed immediately. Something about the way he said it made you feel like you had done something indecent.

You didn’t know how to answer but you must have looked shocked because the next second Jimin burst out laughing, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“I’m just messing with you Y/N! You’re so cute,” he laughed, patting the top of your head a couple of times.

You chuckled awkwardly. You hadn’t exactly thought of Jimin as a potential match since you saw that Jin was there when you arrived. He had been your main target, but now that he mentioned kissing him, you were more and more drawn to those lush lips of his. Jimin didn’t seem to be chasing after someone yet, and he seemed to carry less drama than Jin and Taehyung. Maybe it was time to change your tactics and your target.

“Don’t feel bad Y/N,” Soobin said, drawing your attention over to him, “Jimin hyung likes to flirt. Especially when he’s had a good amount of alcohol.”

Jimin reached across your body to push at the taller man. Soobin giggled but barely moved. You felt your heart sink slightly. You couldn’t get the hang of these shows. You never knew when someone was being genuine or when they were just putting on a show for the cameras.

Jorge placed a plate of the prettiest eggs you had ever seen. A slew of tortillas were fanned out on the side and two little cups of salsa’s sat next to your plate. It smelled heavenly.

“Thank you Jorge!”

Jorge tilted his head in appreciation and you dug in. You hadn’t realized how hungry you were.

“I do not! I’ve only had two glasses,” Jimin argued.

“Sure hyung,” Soobin said, drinking the last of his own drink. You tried to ignore them yelling over you. You unattractively scarfed down your food. Nerves were starting to build in your stomach again and it made you feel hungrier. When your eggs were gone, you were still hungry. You could have probably eaten another plate full.

“Good Morning everyone! Your day just got better.” You looked over to the cabana entrance. Enter Kim Seokjin, his hair loose and wavy from the water. His skin was slightly darker than the day before. He was wearing a button up with white birds and some striped swim trunks. He wasn’t wearing any shoes and once again, he had a ridiculous amount of sunscreen on. Behind him were Taehyung and Jungkook, both glaring at the back of his head. You felt your heart drop.

Jin looked over at the nearly empty cabana, his eyes skimmed over you, locking onto your own for a second. He raised an eyebrow then smiled slightly before he looked away. Butterflies fluttered in the pit of your stomach. Was there still a chance?

But then he was sitting at the empty table and Taehyung and Jungkook, like a scene from a movie, walked by you without a word. Taehyung smiled softly at you. Jungkook looked at the floor. In your head, you thought he regretted what he’d said to you before his date. He’d seemed to have a good time with Marie. You were almost positive that if he got a date card in the near future, he wouldn’t be using it as he had promised.

You cast your eyes down to your thighs where they touched the chair. It was too early to start crying. Too early to get hurt or feel hopeless but things in Paradise were not going your way and you dreaded being sent home. Being unwanted once again. You squeezed your hands to try and distract yourself from your emotion. In an instant, two hands were on your back one small one and one much bigger one. You raised your head slightly and were met with the caring eyes of Soobin and Jimin. You hadn’t known these men for long, but seeing their supportive gazes made you smile.

“Min,” Someone said from the now filled table. Three heads snapped over to the voice of Taehyung who was standing and waving Jimin over. In an instant, Jimin stood, his hand still patting your back and hissed.

“Coming Taetae,” Jimin said, but he didn’t move.

Jimin looked back at you, an apology in his eyes and on his lips, but you held no animosity towards him, nor did you blame him for going to sit with his friend.

“It’s okay, go.”

“Are you okay though?” He asked, the sincerity evident.

“I’m fine. I’m just going to finish my breakfast. Thanks for the wine recommendation! I’ll be sure to ask you for some more advice on it.”

Jimin smiled but not the way he had before. There was sadness in his expression that you weren’t sure was because of your own feelings. Before you could analyze his expression any more, he removed his hand and walked over to Taehyung and the table.

You watched as Jimin seamlessly fit into the group. He greeted each person as if they had known each other for years and sat next to Taehyung comfortably. You knew you weren’t exactly on the show to make friends, but you were feeling extra lonely at that moment.

You turned back to look at Soobin, grateful for his support as well. He opened his mouth to say something but just then, Yeonjun plopped down next to him in the empty stool.

With an awkward glance your way, he turned to greet his friend. You pat his arm to let him know it was alright, then turned back to your breakfast which was getting cold.

You slowly ate more and more, not really tasting the food as it passed your lips and entered your mouth. You sipped on your wine as well as more people filtered into the cabana. Some looked refreshed, some looked a little like zombies.

When Alex showed up, you had cleaned your plate, and noticed that there was no room for her to sit next to her friends, so you moved over and took your cup to finish off your wine. You also moved your plate so that she would feel more comfortable to sit.

Alex paused, looking at you as if you had grown a second head. She said nothing as she sat, but she stared at you as she got situated.

“Thanks,” she finally said.

“No problem,” your voice cracked. You groaned as emotion clogged your air way. You shook your head, upset at yourself for not being able to keep those emotions at bay or at least inaudible.

With what seemed to be great strain on her part, Alex sighed and turned to face you instead of the boy that had so quickly become her friend.

“Are you okay,” she questioned, though there was little emotion behind the words. You didn’t want to bother someone with your feelings. You never wanted to force someone to listen, so you just nodded, then stood, drinking the last of your wine in one go.

“Are you sure?” She asked again as you began to walk away.

“Fine,” was all you could say before a tear slipped down your cheek. How pathetic. Why were you crying? You couldn’t pinpoint it. Maybe it was the way that Jin had looked at you. Or the guilt that you felt at not pulling away from Taehyung. Maybe it was the way that Jungkook had told you he was there for you and yet, he seemed content already with another woman. Maybe it was all three. Maybe you felt guilty for playing these men in the span of three days and hurt because in the end, it looked like none of them actually wanted to date you.

You walked deeper into the villa that was so cleverly hidden by trees. You followed a trail you hadn’t seen before but you guessed that if you hadn’t seen it, then it was probable that no one else had ventured this way yet. Everyone had been too preoccupied with each other to fully appreciate the resort.

The slope of the ramp, covered in trees and stones that were set into the sandy ground was beautiful. The sun shone through the leaves of the palm trees and out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a small crab traversing over a rather big sand stone. You smiled at it as it too paused on its trek to look at you. The sun chose that moment to shine extra bright. The crab was trapped in its beam. Maybe three days away from reality, on a metaphorical island with some of the most attractive people you had ever seen, was already way too much for you but was that crab giving you puppy eyes?

Then in an instant, a cloud rolled through, the crab turned away, and you were left alone once again. It was almost an out of body experience. Like the you on the show wasn’t the you that you currently were.

The emotion you had been feeling was flushed from your system, given you still felt incredibly deterred and somewhat hopeless. You were no longer on the verge of tears. Still, you didn’t feel like going back into the fray, so you continued your trek up the slowly sloping path way.

When you finally reached the end, you were presently surprised to find a palapa with orange and tan couches as well as a woven straw coffee table. A sculpted, sand colored fan spun lazily over the lounge, barely giving off any actual wind.

This didn’t seem to bother the woman who was lounging almost as lazily on the couch, her tan bare legs thrown over the lap of a man who also seemed pretty unbothered by the heat of the day. He was leaning over her limbs, a laptop on the coffee table, and headphones on his head. You felt like you were intruding.

If you turned around now then maybe they wouldn’t notice you. But you were stuck. Something about the scene was so domestic. Calming. Yoongi wasn’t exactly focused on Julie and likewise, Julie wasn’t really paying attention to Yoongi, but they seemed…comfortable. Too comfortable. It was the third day, and they had met only a short time ago. How could they be on this level of comfort already?

You couldn’t stop watching, partially hidden by a low hanging palm tree. Yoongi stroked Julie’s leg affectionately every so often and Julie shot him a warm smile a couple of times. Under regular circumstances, you knew that you would be incredibly bored. Wouldn’t she want to get to know him better?

You waited for several more minutes. Waiting for anyone to say anything. The fan whirled, the wind blew lightly. The native birds chirped and the rest of the beach seemed to continue to move but the scene before you could have been paused. You held your breath out of fear that they would hear you, though you were really far away. Maybe you were being stupid. You should just walk in-

“Y/N?”

You jumped. All the blood in your face drained. He wasn’t exactly quiet so the two in the lounge snap their heads in the direction of the noise. The palm tree that had been covering you was blown away in that moment, exposing you. You tore your gaze from the couple and gave your attention instead to the voice that had startled you.

Your friendly neighborhood producer, Kim Namjoon stood behind you, his eyes wide at how you had reacted, worry on his features. Had he gotten tanner already? He seemed to be glowing. There was a bright aura surrounding him. The wind that had exposed you, blew into his hair. It fell away from his face like in a movie. It would have been a perfect shot. A close up, with the lights hitting directly behind him. Maybe a pretty pink filter. Maybe beautiful flower petals falling or…maybe a flare of the lens.

You were so lost in your own imagination that when Namjoon said your name, once, twice, three times more, you didn’t notice. It was like you had hit mute on the world and his lips were moving so minutely that you didn’t notice. You were entranced in his eyes. The scene in your head. You were entranced.

“Y/N,” he said one final time and this time, you heard it loud and clear. It jolted you from your mind’s movie. Yet, the filter you had seen wasn’t fading, the light from behind was still present. Still surrounding him. You blinked up at him, realizing that he was closer than you anticipated. Probably because of how quickly you had turned and that brief moment where you felt like you might pass out because of the fright he gave you.

“Are you alright?”

You shook your head, willing your mouth to speak.

“Dude,” you said, cringing internally at your choice of friendly term, “You scared me shitless!”

Why? Why were you so prone to these absolutely cringy slip of the tongue phrases when Namjoon was around? He must think you were so embarrassing. Suddenly, you wondered if his kindness was merely a product of his lack of confidence in your abilities. Maybe he felt as if you would end up alone and his advice and gestures were his way of pushing you to look better.

Namjoon raised both eyebrows then his lips pulled up into a smile like it always seemed to do. Was he perpetually happy?

“Sorry, dude,” He teased, “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to get your attention.”

“Did I somehow manage to break my mic again? Already?” You reached behind you, tapping the little black box that was meant to be transmitting your voice to the editors. Namjoon winced and quickly grabbed your arm to stop you from tapping on it any more. His hand was so big that it wrapped almost entirely around your forearm. His skin was warm, as per usual and a little moist. Probably from the day’s humidity. You realized then that he was sweating slightly. That would explain the glow from his skin.

“No! Nope. You’re mic is fine for once. I was just sent to find you because I have something to give you.”

You tilted your head up at him. What could he have to give you? Your mind went straight to the ice box that rested in your room.

“Oh? I got the gel from last night. Did you get me more?”

Namjoon rolled his eyes, “No. I think that you should have enough of that gel for the next six weeks, though let me know if you want me to bring you more ice.”

Namjoon let go of your arm and reached into his back pocket. He seemed to hesitate for a moment but then with renewed resolve, he presented you with something small and crème in color. Something you had seen many times before.

An envelope.

A date card.

Your eyes grew wide. You honestly didn’t expect to receive one any time soon. You expected for other people to ask you. Somehow you hadn’t given it any thought. The idea that you would get to choose never even crossed your mind.

You took the envelope with a trembling hand. Your mind was blank. Namjoon let you hold the paper. It was light. Almost nonexistent, yet the weight of your choice was heavy on your sun kissed shoulders.

“A date card.” It was a question, so why did it sound like a statement?

“Yeah,” Namjoon confirmed, sticking his hands in his pockets.

Then it was silent again. The clouds suddenly got much darker. Faint thunder sounded somewhere in the distance. A single thread of fear shimmied into your core. You hadn’t checked the weather this morning. Would it rain?

Namjoon wouldn’t look at you. He was staring down at the ground, his sandaled foot drawing circled on the sand dusted path way. A salamander rushed between you. The air stilled. Awkwardness seeped into the surrounding area like a plague.

“Mmm…thank you…I better,” you paused, “I better go…ask someone on this date I guess.”

“Right,” he agreed but didn’t move or look at you. The top of his head was shiny. His hair looked so soft. You itched to touch it but as you reached towards him, another voice, a very much feminine voice, interrupted.

You jumped apart, both of you, as if you were doing something you shouldn’t be. But you weren’t. Right?

“Did I just hear someone say ‘date card’?” Julie stood slightly above you on the path. A warm smile on her face that seemed to clash with the first impression of her that you had gotten. Her arms were crossed and she was looking at you and Namjoon knowingly.

“Uh yeah,” you said, blinking owlishly, “I got a date card.” You held it out for her to see. Her smile didn’t change. She didn’t reach for it. She said nothing. Unsettled, you put your hand down, holding the envelope tighter in your grip.

“Do you have any idea who you want to ask,” Julie finally said. Out of the corner of your eye, you looked at Namjoon uncomfortably.

“Oh I’m sorry, is he bothering you,” Julie asked, snapping your attention to her, your internal alarm going off instantly. She was pointing at the tall man off handedly. Her face was a mask of calmness that directly contradicted with your own panic. Namjoon’s head snapped up instantly. You could feel the fear emanating from him.

“No! Julie, he’s fine-” you began, but were cut off by the girl looking over at Namjoon with a quirk in her brow.

“Can’t argue there,” She joked just as Yoongi stepped up behind her.

“I-what?” You asked as she continued to look Namjoon up and down.

“He’s cute,” she continued, “don’t you think, Yoongi?” Yoongi’s amused smile preceded his reply. He looked up at Namjoon, who looked rooted to the place he was at. When he looked at Yoongi though, he seemed slightly more at ease. A plea on his features was evident.

“Namjoon? Yeah he’s pretty cute,” he laughed as Namjoon let his head fall back on his shoulders, clearly annoyed.

“Hyung,” Namjoon complained, his usually deep voice now whiney and, if you were honest, it did things to you.

“I’m only telling the truth, you ass. Take it or leave it.”

Namjoon pouted but didn’t argue further. Again, you were left confused. How was it that Namjoon was connected to multiple people? Taehyung made sense. He had already explained that, but Yoongi as well?

“Anyway,” Julie said, waving a hand in Yoongi’s face as if annoyed but her smile gave her away, “who are you going to ask on this date Y/N?”

The attention of the small group was suddenly back on you. Your heart thudded heavily. A face popped into your mind’s eye but you felt it would be inappropriate to say in current company. Though why that was…was evading you.

“I’m not sure,” you answered somewhat genuinely.

“You’re not going to ask this one are you? You can tell me! I won’t be mad,” Julie assured, pointing at Yoongi.

Yoongi gave her an exaggerated outraged look, almost questioning and incredulous. Yet, there was no hurt in his eyes or real threat. It was comical if you did say so yourself.

“Don’t look at me like that, it’s literally the third day,” she said with a wink.

“I thought you had a nice time,” his hands on his hips, his nose close to hers, his lips pulled over his teeth so they made a flat line. Julie only chuckled and pushed him back with a finger to the very tip of his nose. Yoongi scrunched it up and frowned. Julie giggled.

“I did,” she confirms, “but I wouldn’t want you to miss out on things with other people. I want you to know, know  that you want to be with me. It’s too early,” she emphasized, “to know if we’re end game.”

“End game? Like the Avengers?” He asked, looking genuinely confused.

“No, like endgame relationship wise.”

They bantered back and forth, and all of the silence from before was almost made up by how easily they talked in that moment. And somehow, you knew that even if you did want to ask Yoongi on this date, he would probably say no.

“I’m really not sure who I’m going to ask,” you interrupted as Julie began to explain the basics of romance book jargon.

“I think I’ll go back and let everyone know I have one though,” you said, though you didn’t really know if you wanted to go back to the beach. Another, far away roll of thunder sounded somewhere offshore. Your skin stood on end but you did your best to ignore it.

“Sounds like a plan,” Julie said turning back to the palapa her and Yoongi were frequenting, “oh and, don’t worry,” she continued looking at you from over her shoulder, “we won’t tell anyone about…” she looked over you to Namjoon who had been silently watching the exchange since Yoongi shut him up, “this incident.”

And honestly, you didn’t know what incident she meant.

Namjoon sat in his chair next to Sejin. His heart was pounding in his chest from a combination of the conversation he had just had and his run back to the production sight he frequented. Multiple people were sitting behind computers, making sure the many mics on the beach were well and working. It was kind of dark and quiet. There was air conditioning as well so when he had finally settled, he was happy to feel the cool air on his warm skin.

Sejin gave him a look which he ignored. Namjoon had been messing up a lot lately. From the day he had met you, he’d dropped the ball. It was… torturous to say the least. Ever since he had seen your audition tape, there had been a certain magnetic pull he’d felt. A sense of rightness that wouldn’t leave his head. At the time, he thought the feeling had been directed towards you and Jungkook and he hadn’t been totally wrong. He had seen the footage of you and Jungkook when he had finally realized how amazing you were. There was so much pride at having been the one to choose you that he almost hadn’t noticed the twang of jealousy he felt when he watched you two kiss. The operative word being Almost.

He’d ignored it at first. Ignored the pang of longing he felt when he watched you getting ready for the rose ceremony. Ignored the way that his heart hammered when he finally saw you all done up and radiating a confidence he seldom saw on a show like the bachelor. And finally, he ignored the pang of near anger he felt when Jungkook hadn’t called your name after kissing you and telling you that he would give you a rose. He had to sit back and watch as you walked out, covered in tears. It was so much worse now that he had actually spoken to you.

He had promised Sejin that he could handle it. He could be the one in charge of you and he wouldn’t meddle in the outcome of your season. And he really thought he could. It was obvious that you barely even knew he existed and had barely any interest in him as a person let alone romantically, so he thought that maybe even if you knew of him, if he got a taste of what it would be like to spend time with you…he would be fine. He could keep his distance. Namjoon was a professional.

Wrong. He was so wrong. So wrong that it was laughable. Maybe not even laughable because of how mistaken he had been. You were funny. You were sweet. You were…real…and he didn’t even blame himself for whatever feelings he was feeling anymore. Still, in the span of three days, he had broken so many rules of the show just because he didn’t want you to go through what you had gone through before. He’d already gotten a talking to from Sejin on multiple occasions. He was treading on thin ice but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“So,” Sejin said as Namjoon ran his hands through his hair and patted his chest right over where his heart was, “everything went well I see.”

It was a solid thirty seconds before he had managed to process Sejin’s words and come up with something to say. Because what could he say? He’d done what was asked of him and completely forgot to ask if you felt alright. As soon as he had gotten in that morning, after sleeping in for an extra hour, he had seen you walking alone with very clear tears in your eyes and he almost wished for you to once again break your mic so he could go talk to you.

The perfect opportunity had presented itself when Sejin gave him a date card that was meant for you. Still, he’d completely forgotten to ask about your emotional well-being in favor of being completely awkward and submissive in the face of ridiculous insinuations by someone who had no idea what they were talking about.

“I got her the date card, if that’s what you mean,” Namjoon groaned.

“Yes, it looks like it. And it looks like you also managed to not interfere this time. I’m proud of you Namjoon,” Sejin joked, patting him on the back.

“Don’t patronize me hyung,” Namjoon begged, “I am perfectly capable of getting my job done properly.”

Sejin chuckled, “I know that,” He assured, “yet, you’ve been making a lot of mistakes lately. Lots of slips of the tongue, don’t you think?”

Namjoon didn’t answer. Instead he pulled his clipboard over to him from where he had set it down before he left. A jagged edge of yellow paper stuck up at an odd angle. He paid it no mind. Instead he stared at the new blank page where he should be writing ideas for new dates and angles for the show, willing his brain to work. To think of something that the contestants might like and would be interesting for the viewers but he couldn’t think of anything. He kept picturing beautiful night skies, and lanterns and picnics. Things that, under other circumstances would make fantastic dates but in this case, were much too simple and ordinary.

“Look,” Sejin interrupted much more seriously, “If it’s any consolation, if everything works out the way we would like, she’s going to be happy.”

It should be a consolation. He should be happy even if after six weeks he would never see you again. He should want the best for you but if he was being honest, he hated the idea of you with someone else. He hated the idea of you theoretically marrying someone who wasn’t him. Someone he knew…someone who didn’t deserve you.

“Yeah,” he said instead, “it does make me feel better.”

And it did. For about three seconds. Then he saw you back at the cabana with a date card and a very happy, smiling man standing next to you. It was only fitting that it began to rain heavily right then and everyone scattered. The weather sure was perceptive.

Thunder rolled through the clouds. The wind had picked up quite a bit in the last hour and a half but there was the slimmest chance or rain. Taehyung simply ignored the slight chill and took the opportunity to cuddle up to Kitty who had been inseparable from his side since the night before. He had to admit, this wasn’t his intention when he had cozied up to you in the pool previously. It was more so, his intention to get himself back on your good side and to show that he was, however little, interested in you. The girls had the power this week and there were so many men in Paradise that he wanted to make sure that he had one foot in a boat and one on a life raft.

Truthfully, Kitty seemed pretty content with giving him a rose this week and he didn’t exactly foresee anyone stealing her attention from him but at the same time, he wasn’t really interested in her. No, see, Taehyung had come onto the show because he had heard that you were going to be there and he knew very well that many of the other men had also come on for this very reason. They would be crazy not to. You were charming, beautiful and smart to top it off but he also realized that all of these men would be pursuing you. Hence, his need to find a life raft.

What he hadn’t counted on, however was your self destructive tendencies. Seokjin had been his first worry, if he was honest. He seemed very keen on getting to date you and you him, but that had fallen apart quicker than he had anticipated. Then there was the threat of Jungkook and his insistence that he would make up for his past mistakes. Truthfully, he hadn’t been worried in that aspect. He’d royally screwed up. He didn’t foresee him getting a second chance. That was why he had befriended the boy so early on.

It was when Jungkook had told him of his plans for when he got his first date card that he began to feel a bit of worry niggling at his heart. All had been solved, or depending on how one were to look at it, destroyed, when Marie had appeared. He had been relieved, then suddenly worried for an entirely different reason. With no prospects for whom you were to date, your rose and confidence were in jeopardy.

He couldn’t have that. He couldn’t let you leave. Not when he hadn’t even gotten the chance to properly speak to you. Not when…he hadn’t even had the chance to show you that this coldness, this- this fuck boy persona, wasn’t him.

Then a totally curve ball was thrown his way when none other than Jackson Wang took an interest in you. He didn’t seem your type. He was much too…big. Macho. He had the whole frat boy thing down to an art. He had almost laughed when he had seen him talking to you as you tried, in every way possible, to evade him. His laugh had caught in his throat when you sat on one of the outdoor beds that were littered around the hidden beach and stayed there as he watched you, as covertly as he could, while you surfed and laughed and later ate.

He would deal with that when the time was right. He stood by his initial judgment. Jackson Wang was not the man for you and you would realize that soon. Be it on your own or by his own hand. He would make sure of it. For the time being, he assumed that having a potential love interest would keep you sated.

Kitty pulled on his arm then, pulling him from his thoughts. He could smell the hint of rain over the pungent smell of sea water. While the thunder was far, he couldn’t help but wonder If the wetness he was feeling on his cheeks was rain or that of sea water. He pulled her tighter to his side, for the simple reason that he was leeching off her warmth. She smiled up at him happily. A hint of guilt panged in his heart but he pushed it aside.

Jimin was sitting next to her, his head resting in his hand as he spoke to Alex, who had seemed uncomfortable at first but now seemed much more relaxed as she continued her conversation. Seokjin was talking animatedly to Holly and to Jungkook. The group laughed occasionally. Obnoxiously. But Taehyung didn’t really care. He wasn’t exactly there to make friends. It was better that they all thought he was their friend. He was sure of that, but he was going to have a hard time putting up with some of these mannerisms.

“Hey guys,” the unmistakable voice of yours said, snapping everyone’s attention to the Cabana entrance.

You looked nervous and it only took the whole of the group two seconds to realize why. There was a very familiar looking envelope in your shaking hands. Instantly, Taehyung assumed that you would be asking Jackson. He tried to ignore his slight jealousy at that notion but then he realized…Jackson wasn’t in the cabana. His blood ran cold. Who else could you ask? Did you simply not know that Jackson wasn’t present? Were you here to rub in the magnificent date that you were sure to have?

His eyes shot over to the two youngest boys. Did you maybe want to ask one of them out? Maybe you had a Noona kink. Maybe they did? Then he looked at Jimin, who had sat up straight at the sign of what was presumably the piece of paper in your hands. He’d mentioned that you guys had had a decent conversation earlier before he’d been called over to sit with him. He shot Jimin a betrayed look over the head of the girl who was wrapped around him but the shorter man didn’t notice.

“I’m really sorry to disrupt everyone but I uh,” she held up the envelope awkwardly, clearly not knowing how to handle the situation, “I have a card…”

You could hear a pin drop. If he didn’t like you, he would be annoyed at the coy act you were putting on but the butterflies in his chest made it endearing. Could he be mistaken? Were you going to ask him?

Suddenly, you looked directly into his eyes, as if you could hear his thoughts and then it hit Taehyung like a ton of bricks. He was currently sitting in a booth and squished into his side was a very brunette, very possessive woman who was staring daggers at the true object of his affection.

Instantly, he tried to pry her off his arm but she was stuck. Like a leach. All the blood drained from his face as he saw your eyes dart to Kitty’s then at his then away once again. He followed your gaze and watched it fall on the group he had been watching earlier. Holly had a hand on Seokjin’s shoulders as if that meant she had dibs on him. Seokjin made no real move to get away from her aside from stiffening slightly under her touch. His ears were a little red at the tips.

Jungkook was nearly identical to his hyung. His ears were tinted red, his body rigid and stiff. Marie was looking at him, worry evident in her eyes. She had a smile on her face that Taehyung knew was for the cameras, which, if he were to look around, were everywhere. This must be an intense moment that the editors were planning. Much like Marie’s arrival. He could see multiple camera men and producers hovering around the group. He instantly searched for Namjoon but realized that he wasn’t with the usual camera man.

It struck him as odd but he didn’t pay it much mind as you began to talk again.

“Am I supposed to read this? Should I just ask someone?”

“Read it,” Soobin said from somewhere near. Taehyung didn’t care to know where. You, obedient as ever, opened the flap and pulled out the thin paper from inside. Your eyes skimmed the letter, once, twice, then finally you looked up and with a strained smile and read out loud.

“Y/N, I hope you’re hungry for some romance! Pick-nic yourself a partner to share some delicious conversation with! Your date leaves in two hours!”

You looked around hopefully, like you were waiting for someone to ask you on the date and not the other way around. Then, as if you came back to yourself, you shook your head and looked back at the letter. It was like you were building your confidence up. Taehyung’s heart thudded harder against his rib cage. Again, he tried to pry Kitty from his arm but she clung on tighter. She was glued to him. His hopes were unbelievably high. He had a chance. He just knew it. He could win you over if you just gave him a chance-

“Seokjin,” you said and it was like all the life was drained from his body, “If I recall correctly, you have very good taste when it comes to food…” you paused. You twirled one of your braids in your free hand and bit your lower lips. Taehyung could almost feel the nerves radiating from you all the way to where he was sat.

“Would you…maybe want to go on this date with me?”

Everyone’s eyes snapped to the aforementioned man. Holly was basically digging her nails into Seokjin’s shoulder. Her body frozen as she watched his expression shift from fear to shock then finally, flattery.

“I-why-I mean- yes! Yeah, of course! Thanks for asking me.”

He stood from his elevated seat, Holly pulled her hands from his body as if burned. She looked absolutely dejected. Seokjin shot her an awkward and apologetic smile but walked over to you. His thick lips pulled over his perfect teeth.

Huh… for someone who was pretty hurt only a day ago, he sure seemed excited. He’d done a full 180.

Taehyung’s heart sank into his stomach, watching as you spoke excitedly to the perfect man before you. It looked like the game was back on and he couldn’t phone it in for much longer.

Like hawks, the camera men and producers swarmed the cabana, pulling different people to interview. Jungkook was one of them. He wasn’t surprised. Though honestly, he couldn’t say two words about what he was feeling even if he knew every language in the world.

His interview went along the lines he had expected. What did he feel? What just happened? Was he hurt? Yadda yadda yadda…

It wasn’t until he was sitting back in his seat next to Marie that it all hit him like a ton of bricks. Literally. Well almost. The rain poured down from the heavens by the buckets. Thunder reverberated through his entire body. In an instant, everyone was on their feet and running for their assigned rooms. People were covering their heads. Seokjin and you separated and ran towards your respective rooms. In the back of his head, a voice spoke to him about destiny and the wrongness of your choice. He did feel a little bad. There was no way that Seokjin and you would go on your date now and anyone who would arrive that day wouldn’t even be able to meet anyone if everyone was stuck in their rooms. Production would have to shut down for the time being.

He watched you run to your room as he finally got to his senses and took off toward his own residence. Marie yelled something over at him that he didn’t hear and quite honestly, didn’t care about. His focus was on the way you were running. You had your hands over your chest, you kept tripping over your own feet and if he wasn’t mistaken, were you…crying? Had the disappointment hit you that hard already?

It was a second later that Jungkook made up his mind to go after you to make sure you were alright since your supposed date wasn’t anywhere in sight…he was probably off somewhere making sure his hair wasn’t frizzy… but it was a second too late. Past him ran a very wet and very fast Taehyung. He was sprinting. His wet hair was in his eyes and droplets ran down his perfect nose.

Defeat plagued Jungkook then, his jog much slower now. Discouraged. He felt a frown tug at his lips and his shoulders slumped. He made it to the place where the rooms were. A small ledge stood between him and the pouring rain. He stood there for a couple more seconds. A flash of lightning lit up somewhere nearby. Instinctively, he counted the seconds before he heard the thunder. It was five seconds. Five miles away.  

Thunder roared in his ears. Somewhere ahead, he heard a girl scream. His heart jumped as well. Finally, he realized that being outside at the moment wouldn’t be the smartest thing to do, so he ran the rest of the way to his room and locked himself in.

The air conditioning hit his wet skin like ice. Goosebumps pimpled on his skin. Without hesitating, he pulled the shirt over his head and let it fall to the floor. It plopped unattractively, making an almost instant puddle on the floor.

He groaned as the air hit his abs hard. It felt like a hard slap to his skin as the water dripped down the ridges of his muscles. His body stiffened under the temperature. He began to shiver. Every muscle in his body flexed trying to warm him up. His shorts, actual shorts he’d chosen to wear that day instead of swim trunks, clung to the thick skin of his thighs.

He knew he should take them off but his hands weren’t cooperating. They were balled into fists at his sides, his nails were digging into his palms painfully.

Almost instantly, he recognized another, much bigger--if he was in his right head he might have cracked a smile at his own thought--problem was presenting itself.

In his heavy, wet shorts, under his soaked underwear, blood had rushed to his member. This was the down side of having a pain kink. It, of course, didn’t always work this way but it seemed that something was really doing it for him in that moment.

He groaned again, shifting uncomfortably. Behind his eyes, flashes of girls began to manifest. He clenched and unclenched his fists trying to ignore the urge to do something about his semi. He forced himself to open his eyes. He tried to focus on something in the room. Anything. But there was nothing in the small room of his to distract him.

With all the strength he had left, Jungkook ripped his shorts off along with his underwear. He forced his eyes to stay directly before him then picked up his beach towel. He carefully dried himself off, avoiding his very obvious erection.

It was hard. No pun intended. It was difficult for him not to indulge in what he really wanted to do. Your face popped in his head like the erection had popped up earlier. It twitched in the free air. Your smile, your eyes, the way you fidgeted nervously earlier when-

And it began to sink. The thought of you going out with another man really put a damper on his almost fantasy. He let his mind go over the events of the last couple of minutes. His heart sank with his erection and then suddenly, it was gone. Jungkook was still a little cold but his pain was no longer physical.

Tears brimmed his eyes and he made no effort to slow them. Instead, he stood in the middle of his room, partially covered by a cyan blue beach towel with his heart in his throat. He’d made a mistake once again. He shouldn’t have said yes to Marie. This one, was completely on him.

Your heart hammered hard against the cage of your ribs. Your skin was soaked to the bone though you didn’t really notice it. You didn’t notice the multitude of tiny scratches that had started to appear on the tops of your feet as you tripped over yourself and stepped on tiny pebbles and shells that were a little too sharp and a little too hidden for your liking.

You didn’t realize that the droplets of water running down your cheeks weren’t drops of rain but in fact thick salty tears. You didn’t feel the weight of your braided hair getting heavier and heavier with rain water. You also didn’t notice how cold your body was because of the sudden gust of wind.

What you did notice was your door was firmly closed and the thunder and lightning were getting closer together and that meant that the lighting was closer to you. You also noticed how, even though you had been running at the, well… speed of lightning, you didn’t feel at all tired.

Maybe it was because, in that moment, you weren’t in your body. You were watching yourself run, instead. As if you had traveled into the future and you were watching back the show. In your out-of-body self, you laughed as you ran. The fear in your eyes was funny to you for some reason. Perhaps it was because you knew, somewhere in your subconscious that there was nothing to be scared about. Maybe it was because future you knew exactly what would happen in the next couple of minutes. Maybe it was because…future you knew the mistakes you were going to make over the course of the six weeks.

You rammed through your bedroom door, your wrist snapping, what should have been, painfully but you didn’t care. You wanted to get out of the rain, away from the noise. You wanted to hide under your blankets. You wanted to be held.

Before you could shut the door just as forcibly as you had opened it, another arm stopped it. It was then that you realized what was going on. You were forced back into your body. The fear intensified tenfold as the hand on your door pushed.

You didn’t try to fight back. You let whomever it was, push the door open. You stepped back feeling helpless. In walked Taehyung, his face set in an inquisitive expression. It was like he didn’t want to give away his real emotions. You opened your mouth to ask why he was in your room but in that moment another loud beat of thunder hit and all the blood drained from your face. Your legs gave out from under you. You braced yourself to hit the floor and were not disappointed. You butt hit first, then your wrists to hold you up. You knew it would bruise. It was already painful even through your stupor.

Taehyung shut the door firmly behind him then, as if dropping a mask, his features shifted in worry. He shuffled over to you and kneeled down, his hands on his knees as he watched more tears stream down your face.

Hesitantly, he reached out to touch you but you shied away from his touch. A flash of hurt shone in his eyes like the lighting that shone outside your door. Another flash, more lightning and your body flinched painfully. You brought your aching hands up to cover your ears.

Pathetic. You knew in the back of your head that you probably looked like a child. How attractive. Your vision was so blurry that you weren’t even sure if you were seeing him correctly.

“Y/N?”

His voice was soft, almost a whisper, like he was scared to speak too loudly. Maybe he thought it would make you scared too.

You took in deep breaths, trying to calm yourself down. It was just thunder. It was just a little bit of rain. Nothing would happen to you as long as you stayed inside. As long as you-

Another thunderous roar vibrated in your skull. The irrational part of you wept in terror. You pushed your hands closer to your ears. Trying to drown out the sound. You hadn’t brought your sound proof headphones. You didn’t think it would rain like this. You expected it to be pleasant while you were in Paradise. You thought the most you would get would be a drizzle. But boy had you been clearly wrong.

“Hey,” Taehyung spoke again, trying to get your attention again. His tone was so gentle, soothing. You wanted to melt into it. Your body shivered under the intense blast of the cooling system but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. Your hair dripped onto the floor. A puddle quickly forming beneath you.

He reached for you again and this time you didn’t flinch away. His fingers caressed your wet cheek, wiping away the tears and rain water that was dripping from your scalp. You melted into his touch. The bit of physical touch grounded you slightly.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, scooting a little closer so that his knees touched your shins. He placed his other hand on the other side of your face. He brushed both thumbs over your smooth skin. His own skin caught on yours as the water began to disperse and dry.

“You’re not alone anymore, Y/N,” he insisted, tilting your head up so you could look at him, “As long as I’m here, everything will be okay.”

The cynic in you wasn’t exactly convinced by his words but when another loud rumble hit, you couldn’t help but ignore that voice. It was possible it would help not to be alone…for once in your life.

Without much thought, you leaned forward and clung onto Taehyung’s waist. You were shaking. He could tell and he was a little surprised that you were hugging him. Up until then, he had been the one showing any affection and you were only putting up with him. Or at least it seemed.

Taehyung wrapped his arms loosely around your shoulders. The weight of them brought you back even more. You could hear the pitter patter of the rain outside, still falling heavily, but you could also hear the inhale and exhale of Taehynug’s breath on your wet neck.

“Are you cold? You should change out of these clothes,” he said, starting to stand slowly. He helped you up as well, still held in his arms, like he was trying to push all of your floating pieces back together.

You did your best to help him help you. Your legs were still wobbly but you were starting to regain some feeling in them. When you were firmly standing, the soles of your feet pushed into the cheap material of your flip flops, you felt your body start to function regularly once again.

The haze in your brain began to fade and clear. You looked up at Taehyung with wide eyes. Like you had just realized he was there and you were holding him close. Your clothes stuck to each other. You were standing on a pool of water. It was in that instant that the discomfort hit you.

You shivered again, this time more violently and not because of the weather. Taehyung held you closer, a squelch escaping your clothing. You groaned, slightly embarrassed.  He pulled away so he could look at you directly. At some point, your tears had slowed and you could see him better. His hair was plastered to his head. Strands of it hung on his face, darker than it was before, if that was even possible, with strands hanging in his asymmetrical eyes. Asymmetrical. Unique. Taehyung was unique. Perfect in a different way than the way that Seokjin seemed to be.

His lips were a bit on the thin side and seemed to always be pouty. He had a big nose, nothing too crazy but you had noticed it before, when you had first seen him on his season. He also always seemed to have a slight shadow on his chin and his upper lip. There was a little stubble there. Short and fine. Would it be scratchy if you touched it? His tummy wasn’t toned. Not the way that Jungkook’s was but honestly, you didn’t really mind. In your opinion, he looked good. Felt good. It didn’t really matter to you if he was toned or not.

“Do you want me to leave so you can change-”

Then it hit again. Behind the curtains of your window you saw the flash before you heard it. And it was like a punch in the stomach. It was easy to laugh at yourself when it wasn’t happening, but in these moments, you really felt like it was the end of the world.

A small scream was ripped from your throat. Taehyung’s eyes widened. As your knees buckled again. He held you up, then sat you in the only chair in the room. You were quivering. It was getting old. This fear. Why couldn’t you be normal?

“Do you have headphones or something?” Taehyung asked, starting to move things around on your bed. When you didn’t answer, he looked back at you to make sure you were alright.

“You don’t have to talk okay? Just shake or nod your head.”

Slowly, you nodded. He smiled a small line that added to his perfect uniqueness. Where had this Taehyung been for the last couple of days? This was the Taehyung that the world had fallen for…and one you could see yourself falling for as well.

“Do you have headphones?”

You nodded again slowly.

“Are they in this room?”

Another terrifying boom. Your body tensed.

With renewed fervor, Taehyung turned your bed upside down, searching for them. You wanted to yell at him that he wouldn’t find them. That you hadn’t brought them but you couldn’t make your voice work. You simply sat, and watched as he frantically searched. Then, with a frustrated growl, he looked over at you once again.

“Don’t move from there. I’ll be right back,” he assured. Without waiting for you to say anything, he threw the door open and ran out of your room. Somehow, this made it so much worse. Maybe it was because now the door was open wide and you could hear everything much clearer. Maybe it was because you were alone again.

A multitude of sobs escaped your body. Your energy was quickly depleting. You made yourself count. What you were counting you couldn’t be sure. But you counted slowly in your head.

One, two, three…

A gust of wind pushed your door open further. It hit the wall violently. The noise startled you slightly.

Seven, eight, nine…

Goosebumps erupted all over your exposed skin. Your brain buzzed with anticipation. You squeezed your eyes shut. You pressed your hand over your heart, feeling for its beat.

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen…

You heard footsteps splashing on the way to your room. In your mind’s eye, you saw Taehyung running back towards you. Your fear ebbed slightly. You didn’t want to be alone. The sooner he got there the better.

You took a deep breath as the steps reached your door. They were heavy, and panicked. Almost as panicked as you felt. Ragged breathing followed, as if he had run miles to get back to you. In an instant, you felt his presence before you. You heard the door close and something was placed over your head. Something heavy and soft, that covered your ears. At first static filled in the noise, but in a matter of seconds, loud music replaced it.

There were no lyrics to the music. It was instrumental. Lo-Fi maybe. It was smooth, soothing. Your heart stuttered under your palm. The tightness in your chest began to fade. Breathing started to become much easier. Less labored. Without meaning to, you sighed in relief.

Two large hands landed on your knees, still wet from earlier. The warmth from them seeped into your body. A wave of slight embarrassment coursed through you at the display you’d given in the last hour.

Something soft, and dry was thrown over your shoulders. A towel, you assumed and it was then that you opened your eyes. You smiled down at Taehyung-

But it wasn’t Taehyung. Before you, like the time before when you were having a slight panic attack, Namjoon was squatting before you, his eyes worried, concern on every feature. And you wondered why you hadn’t guessed just by the way he’d once again comforted you the way that he had then.

He spoke without thinking, but then when you only stared back at him, he shook his head and mouthed, “are you okay?”

You nodded, still not completely trusting your voice to speak.

Namjoon smiled and pulled the towel closer around you, nuzzling you in its warmth. It kind of smelled like him. Like  wood and parchment and something soothing like cotton.

The door to your room suddenly slammed open. You didn’t actually hear it, as the headphones on your head prevented you from doing so but you saw it out of the corner of your eye. In came Taehyung, fear in his eyes and a bag in his arms.

When he saw Namjoon leaning down before you, his expression changed from scared to annoyed. He rolled his eyes but closed the door behind him. You blinked at Namjoon but he wasn’t looking at you anymore. He was looking over at Taehyung, a bit of shock in his eyes.

You couldn’t be sure of what happened next but Namjoon removed his hands from your body and stood up right. He towered over the younger boy but he was hunched over. Like he was scared.

Taehyung let the bag fall under your desk. You watched as he spoke to the producer. Namjoon had his back to you so you couldn’t even try to read his lips though by his body language, you could tell he was on the defense.

Taehyung seemed to be yelling. He gestured towards you with his hands but Namjoon kept his gaze forward. Taehyung looked at him expectantly then when no one moved, he opened the door and gestured out of it. Namjoon’s shoulder’s slumped but he walked towards the door. He stopped once more, said something to Taehyung, then without a single look back, he walked out into the storm.

Taehyung didn’t know what to think of the scene before him. His heart wrenched into his throat. Namjoon was holding a clean towel over your shivering body. You were smiling down at him appreciatively. There was a set of heavy looking headphones over your ears and you were no longer crying. You looked much more peaceful.

Taehyung couldn’t help but roll his eyes. He’d done it again. Namjoon had interrupted you in the middle of something that could have led to something more. He couldn’t understand it. On the last show he had been on, Namjoon had been nothing but professional. He was only seen when absolutely necessary and had even chastised multiple other people for interfering when it wasn’t needed. So why, now, was he the one making these mistakes?

Namjoon looked at Taehyung rightfully surprised. He looked slightly uncomfortable, as if Taehyung had walked in on you and Namjoon and not the other way around, which…in a way he had been the one to but that was beside the point. The producer stood up from his crouched position. He stuck his hands in his pockets. His shoulder hunched.

Taehyung dropped the bag in his hands under the desk in your room. His blood was boiling.

“What are you doing here, hyung?”

Namjoon closed his eyes at Taehyung’s tone. Somewhere in the back of his head, he realized that he was being rude and should probably tone down his theatrics but he couldn’t help it. He really felt like he had made real progress that day and he had enough competition on the show without someone else making moves on you as well.

“I can see what you guys are doing, Taehyung. She looked distressed and I knew what to do to help. That’s all,” he said almost in an exhausted way.

“That’s all? That’s all?! Hyung, this is the second time in three days that you pull something like this-”

“Something like what?”

“Something like a romantic gesture!”

Namjoon blinked at his charge, then looked down at his feet. Taehyung was breathing heavily, like he was using all his energy to be upset. He didn’t know what he wanted to hear from his producer but he needed answers.

“If you think,” Namjoon began, his voice low and dangerous but Taehyung was unphased, “That helping a woman who is clearly distressed to feel better is a romantic gesture then you have a weird idea of romance, Kim Taehyung.”

“Don’t turn this on me hyung,” Taehyung half yelled, scared that you could hear, but you seemed completely lost so he wasn’t too worried.

“Y/N came onto this show to find love-”

“I know that-”

“With someone on the show, Hyung! Not with a producer!”

Instantly, Taehyung knew he’d overstepped. Namjoon’s eyes widened, then lidded. His shoulders fell. He hung his head in what could be shame or embarrassment…or hurt.

“I know, Taehyung. I was the one who picked her for the show in the first place.”

A sudden coldness swept through the room. Taehyung hardened his expression and pointed out the door as he pulled it open.

“Then leave hyung. I have it covered,” then as an afterthought he added, “I actually have a chance with her.”

The pain in Namjoon’s expression only deepened. Without retaliating, Namjoon followed Taehyung’s gesture. Every step seemed like agony and Taehyung could tell that he wanted to look back at you but he didn’t. When he was almost out of the room, he turned to look at Taehyung and under his breath said:

“Let her know when the storm blows over that her date with Seokjin is postponed until further notice. Also, that I’ll come get the headphones later.”

He deserved it. Taehyung knew he did. But the way that Namjoon hissed another man’s name felt like a slap to the face. Because it was Namjoon who had chosen you to be on the shows and he clearly was a fantastic judge of character. And Taehyung knew that it was Namjoon who had gotten Seokjin on the show as well. If he was approved by the producer, then there was no way that Seokjin wouldn’t be a fantastic date and a fantastic partner.

Namjoon went out into the rain. Taehyung watched him walk away, the droplets hitting his hair. He was wearing a raincoat but he didn’t seem to care if he was getting wet. He was too harsh…but he wasn’t going to let Namjoon get in his way.

“Hyung,” He yelled after him. Namjoon looked over his shoulder, hopeful, for what Taehyung wasn’t sure but he was about to dash those hopes…for your benefit.

“If I catch you and her like this again…I’ll go complain to the director.”

And he closed the door without looking back. His heart ached slightly. He’d always liked Namjoon and genuinely considered him a friend. But he couldn’t risk his happiness once again.

You were looking ahead, away from the door. He thought he saw a single tear roll down your face but he paid it no mind. It was probably left over from the fear, or maybe from your hair being soaked.

He leaned under your desk and grabbed his bag, filled with snacks and a comfy sweater he thought you might like and a weighted blanket he never traveled without as well as his own set of headphones that he clearly wouldn’t need anymore.

He made to straighten but then a yellow sheet of paper caught his eye. In bold, clear letters, he saw his own name. He glanced at you once again over his shoulder but you were still looking away, holding the towel to your body. He picked up the paper and read:

Be careful with Kim Taehyung

His heart sank. He knew the hand writing. So it seemed that Namjoon was trying to sabotage him. This made him feel better about what he had said to him. Had you read this already? He wasn’t sure, but he didn’t want to take any chances. He crumpled the paper and tucked it in his pants pocket which was still wet, but who cared if the paper disintegrated?

He wasn’t going to take any chances.

It rained for the rest of the day. The thunder and lightning had stopped after the first two hours and you were able to take off the headphones that Namjoon gave you then. You parted with the towel reluctantly when Taehyung had left to change and told you that he had brought you a sweater of his to wear if you wanted.

You did, in fact, put it on. It was incredibly big and hit somewhere near your midthigh. You decided to put on a pair of comfortable sweat shorts under and then pulled out the other things in the bag. It was strangely heavy. The mystery of why that was was quickly solved when you pulled out an extremely thick, dark blue blanket. Then you saw the snacks and a pair of headphones that he had probably brought for you.

He was sweet. You were really glad he had noticed something was wrong, though you weren’t sure how he knew. It was nice to not be alone during one of your episodes. It made you feel warm inside that he seemed to actually care. The idea of Kitty briefly crossed your mind but he wasn’t with Kitty was he?

You felt giddy. On cloud nine. When there was a knock on your door, you jumped at the chance to speak to Taehyung again.

Alas, once again, you were wrong about the identity of the person at your door. Your heart stopped when Seokjin was the one standing at your door. You felt sleazy. Like he’d caught you cheating on him with another guy. Not that that was possible since you weren’t exactly dating but that didn’t help in the slightest. On top of that, Taehyung was probably on the way back as well.

“S-Seokjin?”

“Who else did you expect, baby?” He asked with a slight chuckle. Then he saw what you were wearing and his face fell.

“Oh…did I interrupt something?”

“No!” you practically yelled opening the door wider, “I’m alone. I-”

How do you even begin to explain what had just happened? It was incredibly embarrassing.

“So is that sweater yours then?”

Seokjin didn’t wait for an answer. He walked into the room with all the confidence in the world. His eyes skimmed the space. The puddle on the floor and the snacks on the bed.

“What were you doing? Were you going to watch movies or something like that?”

“I um…”

“Can I join you? I just got word from the production staff that our date would be postponed until the weather got better. Still, I’d like to spend the rest of the day with you if that’s alright? Think of it like a pre date!”

He looked so excited. So happy. How could you possibly say no?

You smiled at him, about to agree when another knock drew your attention. Seokjin raised an eyebrow then without asking, he walked over to the door and pulled it open.

Enter Kim Taehyung, his hair slightly more dry and in a pair of pjs dotted with what looked like hearts.

“Taehyung-ah,” Seokjin asked.

“Hyungnim? What are you doing here?”

“Y/N and I were just about to watch some movies together. Why are you here? In your pajamas?”

Taehyung gave you a look over Seokjin’s shoulder but you said nothing. Guilt filled you to the brim. You felt like you were leading these two men on and yet… they were doing the same. With Kitty and Holly. Should you even feel bad?

“Movies?”

“Yeah… so if you could just come back later then-”

“Sounds fun,” Taehyung cut him off with a satisfied smirk, “count me in.”

Taehyung pushed his way past the older man who looked at you incredulously. You groaned, shrugged your shoulders and looked at the younger man.

“What are we watching Y/N?”

Taehyung made himself comfortable in your bed, leaning against the white wall. He pat the spot next to him so that you would sit down. You awkwardly did as he asked and Taehyung  took that opportunity to wrap you in the weighted blanket. You felt your body relax almost instantly. He kept his arm around your shoulders, he gave Seokjin a pointed look.

“You feel better right?”

“Better?” Seokjin asked, looking at you as if he just realized you had grown a second head.

“What happened?”

He sat on your other side and pushed Taehyung’s arm off of your shoulders. He twisted you so that you were looking at him. He looked concerned.

“I’m alright Seokjin,” you said with a shrug.

“She’s scared of thunder, hyung. She was having a hard time a little bit ago. Luckily, I noticed and helped her out. Right Y/N?”

“Scared of… Y/N is that true?”

You couldn’t bear the pity in Seokjin’s eyes. You shook your head.

“Can we not talk about it please?”

“Whatever make you the most comfortable Y/n,” Taehyung said pulling you so that your back was against his chest. You widened your eyes at Jin and tried to sit up but Taehyung held you protectively against his chest.

“If you want to talk about it, let me know okay,” Seokjin said, his voice soft. You nodded, trying again without success to pull away from Taehyung.

“So,” Seokjin said, clearly trying to ignore the way that Taehyung seemed to be marking his territory, “What movie should we watch first?”

It was hours later, when the sun had begun to set that you had fallen asleep. Taehyung had your head on his shoulder and Seokjin was stroking your legs comfortingly. Neither men said a thing as the third movie you were watching slowly came to a close. The closing credits began to roll. An old 80’s song played in the background.

It was only when it was completely silent and almost completely dark that Seokjin decided to speak.

“Taehyung-ah, I really think that we should have a conversation about this situation. Like adults.”

Taehyung sighed. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to one of his rivals but your weight, along with the weight of his blanket were pinning him to the spot. He didn’t have a choice.

“What is it hyung?”

Seokjin sighed. It was a couple of seconds before he spoke again.

“It’s clear that we both have taken a liking to Y/N. We don’t have to be petty about all of this. At the end of the day, Y/N is going to be the one to choose who she wants. On top of that, it’s clear that Jungkook also harbors some feelings for her. I think we can all agree that we don’t want to make things difficult for her.”

“Right… so what are you suggesting? We don’t pursue her?”

“Of course not!” Jin whispered.

“Let’s just do our best to not make her feel bad for whomever she chooses.”

“Oh,” said Taehyung, not sure what to say.

“Yeah…well, it’s getting to be dark and it looks like she had a hard day. We should leave her to rest don’t you think?”

Taehyung felt the bed dip and then in the darkness he saw the outline of his hyung. He didn’t want to leave, but at the same time, he didn’t want to stay the night if you hadn’t expressed he could.

“You’re right hyung. You go ahead. I’ll be out in a bit.”

“Sounds sketchy… but I’m going to trust you Kim Taehyung. Have a good night.”

“You too hyung.”

And he left. Taehyung sighed. It had been a really trying day for everyone involved. As you breathed deeply, he felt you sigh and cuddle into him further. He melted. His resolve to leave was almost dashed but then he thought of your reaction of the next morning and he knew he must leave.

With careful movements, he maneuvered you onto the pillow. You groaned at the level change but cuddled into his blanket further. In the nearly perfect darkness, he could barely make out a small smile on your lips. Your breathing even and calm. A complete one eighty from earlier that day. He wanted to be the reason for that smile. He prayed he was the reason.

A smile of his own made its way onto his lips. He hadn’t felt so at peace in a while. He made to leave but with a second thought, he leaned down and planted a soft kiss to your forehead. You sighed happily. A blush covered his cheeks.

“Please,” he whispered into your ear, knowing you wouldn’t actually hear him but hoping you might dream of him if you heard his voice, “pick me.”

After a couple of seconds, he straightened and walked towards the door. He reached for the doorknob, satisfied with the day when he heard you moan in your sleep. He froze, wondering if he’d woken you.

Another soft moan, softer than the last but this time it sounded like a word. He waited, in case you said something again.

“Okay,” you groaned followed by soft snores. And Taehyung couldn’t stop smiling.

Taglist: @embrace-themagic​ @monvieesdaebak

[arcadiahoney]

OTP Question Meme

I was tagged by @bimollymauks​ a little while ago, tysm Kit!!

Posting this on my oc blog, since I still feel goofy talking about them even though I love them so very much.

I have these vampires on the brain. I took out a few questions that didn’t work well for them. Here we go!

DISAGREEMENTS.

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

Both of them, but never shouting or yelling. Just a little louder to emphasize their point.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

Neither. That’s a huge thing to say and neither would ever do that.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

Neither.

Who trashes the house?

Neither would do that.

Do either of them get physical?

NO!!

How often do they argue/disagree?

They butted heads a little on anarch stuff back when they first met, but now they pretty much agree on most things. If they argue now, it tends to be about one of them being reckless (usually Audrey).

Who is the first to apologize?

Could be either. They don’t like to stay mad at each other for long.

FAMILY.

Do they plan on having children/or have children?

They can’t have kids, can’t even adopt being what they are and the life they live. This makes Audrey sad sometimes, since she had wanted them at some point in her life before her embrace. 

If so, how many children do they want/have?

Audrey would have wanted like three.

AFFECTION.

Who likes to cuddle?

Audrey openly loves to cuddle, and though he may not ever admit it, so does Nines.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?

Audrey slightly more so because she’s a pretty handsy person and always loves to be close but Nines often finds himself having to keep from reaching out to her. They settle for more subtle touches. They tried to keep their relationship on the down low in public for a while unless around close friends who already knew (it got out anyway). But when alone? They don’t hold back.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

Audrey would stay like that forever if she could, and he certainly wouldn’t complain, but of course, they have a lot to do.

What is their favorite non-sexual activity?

Taking walks around downtown, fighting something together, just hanging out alone or going to a lookout over the city.

Where is their favorite place to cuddle?

The couch in their apartment.

SLEEPING.

I’m gonna break with the vt/m canon regarding how vampires sleep/torpor, because I can! :))))

Who snores?

Seeing as how they don’t need to breathe, I don’t think they would snore?

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?

They share a bed after Audrey finally convinces him to move into her apartment with her.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

They usually are cozied up in some fashion. It took him a little while to get used to it, because he’s slept alone for so long, but now he loves having someone that close. Someone he trusts that much.

What do they wear to bed?

Audrey wears a tank top and shorts, sometimes a cute matching pj set or a big oversized t shirt and her underwear. He wears pj shorts or boxers and no shirt or a tank top

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

No, they wouldn’t work or need them anyway.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

Both, it just depends on the night.

Who wakes up with bed hair?

These vampires can move in their sleep/torpor in my canon, so they both do. Audrey thinks his ruffled-up bed hair is so cute.

Who wakes up first?

Almost always Nines, because he’s been a vampire far longer and is just more acclimated to the whole vampire sleep thing. Audrey was a late-sleeper as a human, too.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

Sadly, no breakfast in bed for them.

What is their favorite sleeping position?

Audrey likes to lay her head on his chest, and he will wrap an arm around her. Otherwise, cuddled up on their sides.

Do they set an alarm each night?

They don’t technically need them.

Who has nightmares?

Both, Audrey more frequently.

Can a television be found in their bedroom?

Yes, though they rarely use it. They’d rather sit in the living room for that, and Nines doesn’t watch much tv anyway.

Who has ridiculous dreams?

Audrey, which she loves regaling others with.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

Nines, through he swears its unintentional.

Who makes the bed?

They both make their side of the bed. They have to do it as soon as they wake up or it would never be done. As a consequence, many days it stays unmade.

What time is bed time?

Dawn, as soon as that sun starts to rise its lights out for vamps.

Any routines/rituals before bed?

Just the usual, showers, putting on pjs, curling up together and sometimes talking a little.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

Audrey. It takes her a little while to adjust to being awake.

WORK.

Who is the busiest?

Probably Nines, since he has a lot to take care of. But Audrey keeps very busy, too, with her own responsibilities.

Who rakes in the highest income?

I guess Audrey, since she owns half of Confession and Nines doesn’t actually have a paying job. I know he has the Last Round as a haven, but I don’t know if he actually owns it. ?

Are any of them unemployed?

Technically Nines, and pretty much Audrey, too. They dedicate most of their time to the anarchs. How these anarchs raise any money for necessary expenses without some kind of stable income I don’t know. At least the Camarilla+Ventrue have that sorted out!

Who takes the most sick days?

They don’t have to worry about getting sick, but Audrey likes to take some time off from her anarch duties for “fun days.”

What are their jobs?

Nines is the leader of the LA anarchs. Audrey is a prominent member of the anarchs, and also co-owns a club downtown, Confession.

Who sucks up to their boss?

Neither, since they don’t really have a boss. Technically Nines is the boss, but he already doesn’t like people to think of him that way, so he wouldn’t like for others to try and suck up to him.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?

Audrey, but only around 10 mins late at most. She’s always on time for meetings and the like, but a trip into the warrens or something less appealing? Perhaps she will be running a little behind.

Who stresses the most?

Audrey, but only ever after the fact. Some of her impulsive antics do stress him out, though.

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

They both are very dedicated to LA, and wouldn’t imagine doing anything else.

Are they financially stable?

I would guess so. Audrey should make enough with the club to pay her rent, but I wonder if the Camarilla owned the apartment building and had paid for her apartment? If so, now that they are gone, who owns it? I have no idea pfffft

HOME.

Domestic vampires!!!! WW is too cowardly to give us domestic vamps, but I’m not babey!

Who does the washing?

Audrey, since Nines probably doesn’t even know how to work a washing machine.

Who takes out the trash?

He would do this as a trade off.

Who does the ironing?

Either of them, if they needed to iron something, they would just do it. Though Audrey hates ironing.

Who does the cooking?

Neither, since they can’t eat. But Audrey handles making sure they have a supply of blood bags as needed.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

Back when she was human, Audrey was terrible at cooking.

Who is messier?

Nines. He’d be more likely to leave something sitting out because he “needs it later.”

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

Miraculously, they both usually manage not to do this.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

Audrey would be the one to lose her keys, and they’d probably be right in front of her.

Who answers the telephone?

They only have cellphones, but if they had a home phone neither would answer it lol. Audrey is more likely to answer her cellphone, but only if she knows who it is.

Who mows the lawn?

They live in an apartment, so no lawn to mow!

Who does the vacuuming?

Now that’s a funny picture. They both would put it off until it absolutely couldn’t wait any longer. Then Audrey would suggest they flip a coin or something similar for it.

Who does the groceries?

Audrey would shop for necessities on her own most of the time, but would drag him along at every available opportunity. She likes doing human things, and all the better if she’s doing them with him :(

Who takes the longest to shower?

Audrey. 

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?

Audrey, for sure. Always gotta make sure she looks cute even if she’s about to go into the sewers :/

MISCELLANEOUS.

Is money a problem?

They certainly aren’t rolling in it, but I think they’d have enough for what they needed. And they are both happy with that.

How many cars do they own?

He has his motorcycle, Audrey has some sort of transportation eventually, since she gets tired of taking a cab. Maybe a small car, but she only uses it for longer distances.

What’s their song?

Currently its Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse

Do they live in the city or in the country?

They live in downtown Los Angeles.

Do they own their home or do they rent?

They rent (?) that apartment, I assume. Boy, now this is going to bother me not knowing ajsklsks

(me trying to figure out these vampires’ finances is like that meme of charlie from iasi/p at this point)

Do they enjoy their surroundings?

As much as someone can enjoy living in LA. But really they do love it, for all its faults. LA is home.

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

For Nines, whatever anarch business he needs to attend to. For Audrey, her own anarch duties, shopping, and checking in on other anarchs like Isaac.

Where did they first meet?

Technically the night in the Nocturne Theatre downtown when Audrey was supposed to be executed alongside her sire. First time face to face was after Nines saved her from the Sabbat.

Who spends the most money when out shopping?

Audrey.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?

Audrey, but its usually something like a new sword or something silly like a cat shirt or a mood ring. Nines isn’t the type show off anything, but he wouldn’t mind if someone happened to admire his motorcycle.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

Both are pretty stable on their feet, but neither would find it funny per say. It would just be like, “you alright?”

Who’s terrified of bugs?

Audrey is not a fan, but doesn’t like killing them. Nines tries to point out to her that you know, she’s a vampire and its just a little bug, but she won’t have any part of it.

Who kills the spiders around the house?

Audrey convinces a slightly exasperated Nines to take spiders outside. 

Do they have any fears for their future?

Both of them have similar fears. Namely, that they will not be able to defend LA if someone tries to take it from the anarchs again. That’s always a very real fear. Also, they both fear losing each other, because they know that’s a possibility with the life they lead.

Their favorite place?

The (werewolf-free) overlook they go to for some peace and quiet, as well as the roof of the Last Round.

Who pays the bills?

Audrey would handle it.

Who’s the tallest?

Nines (I headcanon him at like 5′10 ish maybe???, Audrey is 5′5)

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

Audrey. She never gets any complaints.

Who wanders around in their underwear?

Both would.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

Audrey.

What do they tease each other about?

Audrey definitely teases him about his age and his cool guy routine from when they first interacted. He teases her about her aim.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

She doesn’t cringe, but does try and get him to change up his fashion sense. He still dresses like its 1949 for goodness’ sake. He doesn’t even question the sometimes wacky things she wears anymore. He’s just used to it by now.

Who crushed first?

Probably Audrey, but not for too much longer. They didn’t start crushing for real until after the events of the game.

Any alcohol or substance related problems?

No.

Who swears the most?

Nines. Audrey doesn't swear that much, but when she does, you know she means business.

if anyone read all of this rambling I am so sorry askskjajskal but you have all of my <3<3<3s forever 

[anangelicday-mrwolf]

Wolfsbane : Noblesse Fanfic (post-ending)

(previous chapter)

Chapter 5 – Frankenstein’s Shadow

‘He wouldn’t give me that murderous glare of his just because it took only 2 days for me to get back here, would he?’ Thought Lunark as she fingered her hair once again, which she had brushed with care.

Although she came with a valid reason – Adne managed to unlock one of Ignes’s files less than 24 hours ago – she could not help getting worriedly conscious of the fact that the new file’s volume was so small compared to that of the first file she had delivered. So small she was not sure if this one even deserved to be labeled a file.

Fortunately for her, she was met with another reason not to chicken out and scram from Frankenstein’s island, upon picking up someone’s presence and tracking it down.

“You...?!”

Lunark exclaimed, identifying a very familiar man sitting by a tree perfumed with mosses.

“It’s been a while, 5th Elder. I mean, Lady Lunark.”

Lunark could feel her brain burning cold as soon as she assessed 3rd Elder’s face as he stood, for she had been dying to run into him.

“Sorry for not recognizing you for a sec. You’re missing a cloak.”

“...Well, on this island I’m not an elder of the Union.”

And no need for the clarification, thanks.

Lunark uttered an inner scorn as she scanned 3rd Elder’s outfit – black long-sleeved t-shirt and white pants. He looked so plain, so ordinary, so unlike a Union’s elder who at the same time used to be the right-hand man of the apex of the Union.

“Frankenstein told me everything. If I remember correctly, from now on you’ll be regularly stopping by in order to collect his old research data, to make use for treatment and rehab of werewolves that survived from... (The 3rd Elder winced ever-so-subtly before continuing.) From Maduke’s experiments... As well as invasion initiated by me and the 1st Elder.”

Lunark curtly nodded to show approval for the excuse she and Frankenstein devised for her visit, on the day she first arrived.

“Indeed. And thanks to a certain someone, Frankenstein and I have turned quite busy. I’m sure you’d know that neither of us has a lot of free time.”

No agreement or disagreement came from the 3rd Elder. He merely let his eyes escalate downwards to his feet.

“Anyways, what are you doing here? Seems to me you were moping or something.”

“Moping, huh...? Yes, maybe I was moping.”

“Really? The 3rd Elder? Moping? But too bad. The only interpretation I can make out of your confession is that you are bluffing in order to hide what you’ve been really up to. I know what you are like. And what you’ve done.”

The 3rd raised his eyes back to Lunark’s face in response to her sneer. However, he did not unzip his lips even a bit, perhaps because he knew he was in no position to prove her words wrong.

“While I’m at it, let me make one thing clear. Since Frankenstein chose to keep you close, I will not lay my hands on you. That I can promise. But in other words, that’s the only reason why I will ever leave you in one piece in the first place. Trust me – whenever I think about what you and the 1st Elder did to my people, I must fight my own urge to rip you into shreds this instant.”

Her audience stood frozen, taking in every syllable of her disdainful speech.

“If you ever plot something against Frankenstein, play hindrance in whatever he does, or take advantage of his hospitality, I WILL make you pay. And if he ever suffers a loss or damage because of you, I swear – I will make sure from then on, you won’t get to lift anything heavier than a spoon for the rest of your life.”

As she warned the 3rd Elder, Lunark’s face was surprisingly placid, her voice toned in its normal pitch. Still, the 3rd Elder could see she was as serious as she could be, for he felt as if he were up against a wrathful wolf about to lunge for its prey’s head.

Ironically, that was exactly what inclined him to point out what he just hypothesized.

“Funny.”

“What’s funny?”

“Please don’t get me wrong – I fully understand what you are saying. It’s just that... It sounded like you were giving a personal warning as ‘a woman caring for Frankenstein,’ not as ‘a werewolf warrior representing the entire wolfkind.’”

At once, Lunark’s pink eyes shuddered as if she were hit by a bullet.

“And it appears there is something more than comradeship or generosity at the basis of your words. Do you... Do you happen to harbor feelings for him?”

“Why would you care?!”

Lunark ended up stunning herself, her retort fashioned much sharper than she had intended.

“Does he know about this?”

And just like that, he completely turned the table on her.

“I’m not sure since when you have developed feelings for him, but I’m afraid your feelings will not be reciprocated. If I dare say, there’s a good chance your heart will wait endlessly for a single touch of light, only to wither into none, just like this nameless flower that has made poor haven under the shadow of this tree.”

“Did you take liking in reading poetry during free time? Moping is one thing, and now here you are, monologuing about flowers and shadow.”

“Yes, I did frame it a bit too fancy, but I was trying to be considerate. Apparently there’s a shadow in Frankenstein’s heart. Ever since we moved into this island, he has been leading an unusually reclusive life. I assume he tends to research and data categorization on this island and accommodates himself somewhere else.”

“...Why would you ‘assume’ that’s what he does?”

“Because he leaves every night and returns next morning, and I have no knowledge of what he does during his absence. I can only assume he fulfills his basic needs outside, since each time he returns in a new attire.”

The corner of Lunark’s eyes creased slightly upon unexpected discovery.

‘I did tell him to beware of the 3rd Elder, but... This is not exactly what I had in mind.’

It did not take long for Lunark to decide that her warning had nothing to do with Frankenstein’s behaviors. After all, Frankenstein and the 3rd Elder had been occupying this island before Muzaka made her his “secret agent.”

‘But why? There’s nothing strange in his caution against his enemy-turned-ally, but why would he choose the inconvenience of lodging himself away from a safehouse that comes with a perfect housing system?’ Lunark inwardly muttered to herself, reminiscing how awestruck she was during her tour of Frankenstein’s safehouse, impeccably furnished in terms of residential aspects that she even suspected he hired an expert designer for the job.

She was momentarily impelled to acquire more information on the matter, but she aborted the idea.

For the 3rd Elder learned something that could work against her in the future, there was no guarantee that continuing the conversation would be beneficial for her.

Therefore, she steeled her voice as she tried to conceal her fluster.

“So what? Like I said, it’s none of your business whether I have a crush on him or not. And what was that about my feelings and flowers? If you have time to come up with stupid metaphors and make yourself sound like 12th Elder before having dinner, just go back to your so-called moping session!”

Lunark turned herself away as coldly as possible. She had to refrain from telling him that if Frankenstein hears a word about this, she will murder him – that would only demonstrate how strong her feelings have grown.

As she kept her back straight and walked on, something caught her eyes. The next moment, her legs stopped altogether upon perceiving she was looking at a flower species she was highly familiar with.

‘This must be wolfsbane. Its color differs from the ones on our land, but the shape it blossomed into tells me it’s definitely a species of wolfsbane.’

As beautiful as it may be, wolfsbane possesses deadly poison, hidden behind aesthetic colors and contours that have won immense popularity among flower-lovers.

Ancient humans evidently were aware of wolfsbane’s toxicity, incorporating its poison in mythology as the beloved invention of Hecate, the Greek goddess of magic and witchcraft and the guardian deity of witches, and historically employing it as a kit to hunt wolves (a fact reflected in the flower’s etymology).

Thus in a way, wolfsbane is a botanical counterpart of a siren; let the creature cast its spell, and one may be irrevocably destroyed by its true nature.

‘And I guess for me, this flower is just like him...’

Lunark sighed heavily, emitting all the air supply she had been stocking, a proof that her life these days has become a total mess thanks to a certain blonde human.

‘I still can’t believe I was actually late to my lord’s recoronation because of him.’

The day Muzaka reclaimed the throne, Lunark was supposed to be in the very front of the werewolf attendants, as a warrior of wolfkind and one of Muzaka’s right-hand servants.  

Alas, she was late to the ceremony because of Frankenstein.

At the time, she planned to attend the ceremony as soon as she was done talking to Frankenstein for one last time. Or rather, to be precise, she called KSA so that she could ask the KSA staff to relay her thank-you message for all the hard work he had done.

To her shock and dismay, she was met with a news that Frankenstein was gone, and even KSA had lost communications with him.

Out of severe alarm, she instantaneously requested communication with Tao and asked him what happened to Frankenstein. Tao filled her in about the reason why Frankenstein was gone, but not even he provided her with his location and plan, which were what really mattered to her.

After wasting her time talking to more people than she had in mind, as well as trying to restitch her mind, she realized she was late.

And until next day, until Frankenstein showed himself on the communications monitor out of blue to hand over his communicative coordinates for emergency use, she was on the edge of her seat for every second, like a job seeker waiting for the result of the very last job interview of her life after failing to hear back from dozens of potential employers.

Lunark knew very well that anything concerning the werewolf lord comes in as the top priority for a werewolf warrior.

‘But back then, I couldn’t think of the coronation ceremony at all because of him. Seriously... What have you done to me, Frankenstein?’

Yet she knew what was happening to her. She knew since who-knows-when, Frankenstein had taken property of every seam and corner of her heart.

‘This flower happens to be purple like him. Or rather, purple like that cursed weapon he wields.’

Great, now I think of him even when I see the color purple, thought Lunark, as she once again confirmed she was exhibiting one of those symptoms of love.

“Hopeless... This is just hopeless.”

“What is hopeless?”

Lunark jumped like a cat that spotted a cucumber at its rear end as she turned around in a flash. Luckily, Frankenstein dodged her hair fast enough and avoided getting slapped in the face.

“W-what are you doing here?”

“Says a guest to the owner of an island.”

Frankenstein shrugged, as if he had just heard the funniest thing in the world. And a mere shrug, with the push of his smile, was more than enough to shatter Lunark’s heart once again. Which was why she suffered a delay in noticing that he was not empty-handed.

He was holding a plastic case safekeeping a pair of sanitary gloves and plastic bags for sampling, along with a dirty yet well-honed gardening utensil, which hinted her what he was here for.

“I’m sure you have no interest in pressing flowers or gardening. Are you using this flower for your experiment or something?”

“Not an experiment. It’s for a personal need,” replied Frankenstein, as he kneeled and started poking and shoving around a wolfsbane’s root in a very professional manner.

“Why would you take a wolfsbane plant for a personal need? I don’t count myself as one of those lab people, but I do know that most of flower species classified under the category of wolfsbane come with poison. Well, though I doubt that its poison will be lethal for modified humans or non-humans, even if it is ingested entirely as a raw plant.”

“Right. And some wolfsbane species are so venomous that even a minimum touch on skin can cause traumatizing and even life-threatening effect on human body. However, wolfsbane is also available for medical use. Even these days, wolfsbane is used as painkiller and, depending on the situation, cardiac stimulant in traditional Korean and Chinese medicine.”

Frankenstein answered with a tone only expected from most popular lecturers in doctorate chemistry lectures. Nevertheless, Lunark’s face darkened even before he could finish his words.

“So are you going for the former or the latter? Are you ill? So ill you must carry a painkiller or cardiac drug all the time?”

“If I were to choose, I would say it’s the latter. But not exactly. And don’t worry – I don’t have any pain or heart issue.”

Frankenstein glanced at Lunark and was left with bewilderment as a result. She was staring at him as if he were just sentenced to death.

“...No need to give me that look. Remember that I told you a wolfsbane can be used to create drugs that stimulate heart functions? I have modified and adjusted the use and processing of a cardiac stimulant to instead use this flower as a source of a nerve stimulant.”

“Meaning...?”

“It’s for keeping me awake as long as its effect lasts, without any need for sleep.”

Frankenstein was hoping to relieve her of concerns, but Lunark did not look happy at all. Her forehead furrowed deeply, now her face so dark that in other circumstances, Frankenstein would have concluded one of her kith and kin met demise.  

“Are you saying you haven’t slept at all ever since you moved into this island? Just how busy can you be? Do you have to stay awake for whatever you have at hand?”

“...I’m in no situation to indulge in sleep or dreams.”

Lunark bit her lips as the fact sank that she was wrong. When she talked to the 3rd Elder, she was glad Frankenstein was seemingly getting some sleep, at the very least. But he was not.

Lunark was about to amplify her voice to shriek what on Earth he would do outside this island, before she managed to hold her tongue.

Confronting Frankenstein about his activities outside would make him curious of the source of her intelligence, which would lead to a discussion on the discussion she had with the 3rd Elder. And Lunark was not sure if she could lie about her previous conversation, let alone her feelings for him.

In addition, knowing his personality, she could swear he would not listen even if she were to be a mom for him just this once. Given up on reasoning with him, she directed his attention to a speculation that just came up.

“I remember how you drank something from your flask when I first got here. Was that a drug you made with wolfsbane flowers?”

Frankenstein’s hands paused for a second in reaction.

Frankenstein remembered what he gave her as a reply when she inquired what he was drinking; he kept his answer as vague and not-worthy-of-attention as he could. And he surely did not mention to her in what form the tonic came in. Yet here he was, marveling once again that there was a reason why Lunark was made an elder of the Union.

“Yep. That was it.”

“I didn’t think this was what you meant when you said it’s like coffee to you. And I bet you were the one who came up with the recipe to cook up that drug.”

“Of course. The other uses for wolfsbane plant include fever reducer at the most, and apart from the use of wolfsbane, it’s been centuries since human medicine last had its effect on me. And speaking of which, I must go through a revision of my cookbook. The number of wolfsbane plant on this island is decreasing as we speak, so I won’t be able to make any more effective tonic unless I modify the amount of poison to be used.”

“So you’ve been basically feeding on this flower.”

“Yes, but it’s also partially because this island was never densely populated by this flower. Now I basically have to hunt for a needle in a haystack in order to find a wholesome plant.”

“...Want me to bring them to you?”

Frankenstein stopped his hands from pulling out a wolfsbane flower to gape at her.

“Well, there is this enormous colony of wolfsbane flowers near the boundaries of our territory. And no one has ever touched it as far as I know, since we’ve never imagined using this flower for medicinal purpose. And trust me – this colony is big enough to cover the entire Pacific. The thing is, the wolfsbane in our land is probably a different species from this one, because its flower is pink. I’m not sure if you can use it for your ‘recipe,’ but I can fetch one as a sample for my next visit. What do you say?”

Frankenstein was silent. His ears did prick at her suggestion; he could actually hear Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 echoing in his head.

‘But if I say yes... I’ll end up running into her more often.’

Opposed to the obvious outcome, he briefly tried to come up with a way to very courteously turn down her offer, with a legitimate reason that will not hurt her feelings.

But of course, he knew he had no choice. He was aware of the ill effect he will bring upon himself if he were to say no.

“It’s fine. It’s all good as long as it comes under wolfsbane category.”

“So you mean...”

“From now on, bring me three separate wolfsbane flowers, if you please. And each flower must come with complete roots as well, undamaged, and hopefully in a sample bag like this one.”

“Okay. No biggie.”

Lunark had to control her voice so she would not sound too excited for having another defensible excuse to visit Frankenstein. Fighting against her glee, she forced the corner of her lips to stay uncrooked.

Partially due to her mind-numbing elation, and partially due to the fact that Frankenstein turned away as he invited her over to the safehouse, Lunark failed to notice that the shadow on his face thickened by a very slim shade.

*****

That night, Frankenstein walked through the corridor of another island he owned. He was at a stranded island dozens of kilometers away from his lab-slash-safehouse. Unlike the aforementioned island, this island housed not a single speck of green, an unparalleled embodiment of Lunark’s description of “a sandless desert with a gigantic cement appendage jutting out of the ground, prisoned by water at all sides.”

And this is where Frankenstein had been taking care of his basic human needs. And more importantly, this is where he had been secretly endeavoring to handle a dilemma that had lately cast a new shadow upon him.

Finally arriving at the special chamber at the heart of the building, he securely fastened the door in order to face the said dilemma once again.

“Answer to my call... Dark Spear.”

(next chapter)

Aaaaand here it is - the flower from which I came up with the title of this fanfic.

I didn’t plan on naming this fanfic Wolfsbane since the beginning. During the brainstorming stage, I landed upon some details about wolfsbane by pure accident, and as I read about this plant, I came to think this is exactly what represents the relationship of Frankie and Lunark and the progress they will make in this fic (and it’s related to wolf lol). The line in this chapter that says “let the creature cast its spell, and one may be irrevocably destroyed by its true nature” is what I had in mind as I sketched this fanfic.

By the way, there are two things about this chapter that isn’t canon in real life: (1) the fact that wolfsbane is used as a nerve stimulant and (2) the pink wolfsbane that can be found in nature. It is true that in traditional Korean and Chinese medicine, wolfsbane can be used as cardiac stimulant or painkiller. But in reality it is not used as a nerve stimulant; that part is my creation. In addition, pink wolfsbane does exist, but only as human-cultivated species; pink wolfsbane does not naturally occur. So for this fic, I created a wolfsbane species of my own (the purple wolfsbane that you would commonly see upon googling is Aconitum jaluense. The pink wolfsbane species that is introduced in this fic is Aconitum crescentonum). Hope that clarifies!

[ghost--houses]

Untamed Spring Fest 2020 Day 18: Breath

Posting daily a month late because I’m a slow writer!

read this one on AO3

read all currently finished prompts on AO3

Breath (SangCheng, Sometime during the period WWX is dead, 1.2k words)

"We're not doing this anymore." Jiang Cheng says, pulling on his inner robes as he sits at the edge of the bed. "This was the last time."

"Of course, Jiang-xiong," Nie Huaisang says from behind him. "Just like you said last time."

Jiang Cheng bristles and does not turn around. "The idea," he says, through gritted teeth, "is that if you agree with me, we both try to resist fucking each other instead of giving in the second we've had some wine."

"Oh, no, no, no, I can't be responsible for you, too, that's too much work." A hand appears to his right, making a lazy grabbing motion. "Speaking of wine, could you... ?"

Jiang Cheng finds the bottle on the ground and shoves it roughly into Huaisang's hand. To his disappointment, Huaisang does not fumble it.

"Thank you, Jiang-xiong." He says and Jiang Cheng grunts in response.

He has to stand to find the rest of his robes and accessories from where they've been scattered across the room. Once he's tied his belt, he turns back to pick up Zidian and his hair piece, both of which he had placed carefully on the table.

He had braced himself against the sight of Huaisang nakedly lounging on the bed, but Huaisang had put his inner robe back on at some point, and somehow that's worse. He didn’t even bother to tie it; it's barely covering anything -- Jiang Cheng can still see most of one thigh and the unblemished skin of his chest. Huaisang lowers the bottle of wine and wipes his lips, looking pleased and well-satisfied, and Jiang Cheng can't help but feel a thrill of pleasure and pride knowing that he had a hand in that.

Huaisang catches him staring and gestures with the bottle, "You want some more?" He asks, a single raised eyebrow emphasizing the double meaning.

And that is fucking it.

"Don't you have work to do?" Jiang Cheng demands, hands turning into fists.

"It's the middle of the night --"

"You know that's not what I meant! You think this is smart what we're doing? And not some big stupid distraction that's going to get us in trouble?"

"Who's going to punish us, Jiang-xiong?" He says, calmly.

"That's not -- We have sects to run, people to take care of. Maybe you don't give a shit, but I can't keep fucking off to Qinghe all the time just to -- "

"Jiang-xiong, you can't be mad at me for that, I haven't -- "

"I'm not mad at you," Jiang Cheng hears himself say, "I'm mad at..." Literally everything. That no one taught him how to be sect leader. That his nephew is an orphan. That the shadow of Wei Wuxian is still clinging to Lotus Pier, which is huge and empty. That there are still these massive fucking holes in his heart and the fact that it's been years and he hasn’t gotten over it.

That he shouldn’t need this to escape all of that, but nothing else works.

He's not sure when he sat down, but he’s made it to the edge of the bed again, head in his hands. Huaisang is combing through his hair, rubbing his back. He tells him when to breathe in and when to breathe out, and Jiang Cheng listens and obeys until he remembers how to do it himself.

Slowly, he comes back to himself. Maybe it's not that bad.

"This is about the lake thing you were telling me about, isn't it?" Jiang Cheng groans. "It's not a 'lake thing', it's a property dispute. And it's fucking stupid, the part of the lake these idiots are fighting over is minuscule and has no value for anything."

"Mmhmm." Huaisang says, hands moving now to massage the back of his neck. Jiang Cheng raises his head out of his hands and leans back a little.

"It's not even in a passage way or anything -- no strategic purpose, nothing."

"Hmm..."

"It's just that the banks shifted after this year's rainy season and now they both think it's part of their land and legally, they're both correct." Huaisang's hands have drifted down to one shoulder; one hand under all layers of his robes, so he can work on the ever-present knot in Jiang Cheng’s shoulder. "Are you really trying to fix this again?"

"You have so much tension in your shoulders, it would go away if you relaxed more."

"I can't fucking relax!" Jiang Cheng throws up his arms, which briefly disturbs Huaisang's work, but he settles down again and lets him continue. "I have all these idiots coming to me to solve their fucking problems all the fucking time."

And if he can't help them, they'll figure out he's a fucking fraud and no one will respect the Jiang name anymore and then --

"Why do they both have a claim to it?" Huaisang asks. "Aren’t there maps or something that show who owns what?"

"One of them can prove it’s part of his land but the other idiot's lotus plants also moved with the banks so he's claiming it because of his crop. And there's some legal precedent for that or something." He sighs and lets his weight fall completely into Huaisang's hands. "I'm going to have to just pick one and make him pay the other one for the land or something."

"Hmm... Well, it's too bad that lotus plants don't die every year or you could just solve it like that, right?" Huaisang laughs. "I mean, I don't know anything about farming -- "

Jiang Cheng eyes pop open. "Wait, what the fuck? That does solve it. He's going to harvest the roots, that shady fucker. And if he says he's not, I'm going to make him. He can have the land until after the harvest." He turns his head so he can give Huaisang a look. "How did you..."

"I didn't, I didn't! I was just guessing, I don't know how lotus plants work..."

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. "Whatever, you can't fool me. You just act dumb so no one will give you work to do."

"And it works!" Huaisang says, proudly.

"Just think how great the Qinghe Nie sect could be if you actually tried."

"Oh, no, it's fine, it's fine." Huaisang laughs. "I don't want to change anything, Dage left everything in good shape," he adds, voice a bit quieter.

The silence stretches out long enough than Jiang Cheng feels he might be expected to fill the silence; he starts to form a sentence, something about the familiarity of loss, or maybe the pointlessness of getting attached when everyone just leaves you anyway.

But then Huaisang is leaning over his shoulders, reaching down to untie his belt. "Don't go back to your guest quarters yet."

"I said we have to stop doing this."

"Yes, yes, of course, that was the last time."

And then Huaisang is kissing him and Jiang Cheng isn't stopping him, and Huaisang’s hands are pulling open his robes and he isn't stopping that, either.

"But this is still the same last time, right, because you didn’t leave." Huaisang continues between kisses, pushing the robes off his shoulders while Jiang Cheng twists around to join him on the bed.

"Right." Jiang Cheng agrees, sliding a hand up the back of Huaisang's neck to hold him there. "Sure."

And if this is the last time, he thinks, feeling Huaisang's hot breath on his ear as he moves down to kiss his jaw, he might as well make it count.

[kingkarae]

So...

...I´ve recently watched the first season of She-ra, and I love the goddamn show and maybe will feel like posting positive traits in another post, but as right now, I have one major problem I´ll be focusing on since It´s been bugging me forever and I need to share it or I will explode, thank you.

Now... Adora.

Yes, that Adora. Does anyone else feel that her character is underdeveloped? She´s the protagonist and the show´s face, but compared to other characters (even secondary characters in some occasions), she feels... left behind? somehow. Now, before y´all lit your torches, please let me explain.

I like Adora a lot, like for real, I adore her (pfft), but she is plain as heck, and I just don´t get why. She has the perfect concoction of troublesome life that´d get her some serious and deep psychological issues for life, but for some kind of reason, we don´t see that on the show? Why not? I mean she´s a HORDE kid, she´d lived a lot of years at the Fright Zone, she was molded by them, raised by them, indoctrinated by them and I´m pretty sure that Shadow Weaver was not the only authority figure she´d all those years, maybe the most prominent, yeah, but the only high ranking soldier (?) in a military confinement, nah; yet, she doesn´t show any characteristics she may have  had of her past life, which is good by the end of the season, because, new life, new friends, new purpose, but by the start of the season? The first 4-5 episodes? It felt odd. The only instance I can recall is when she was unable to sleep alone. 

Now, don´t get me wrong, I don´t want her to suffer, I want all of my cinnamon rolls to be happy, find light and end the war, but she grew in a military confinement and I need to stress this out, because it doesn´t show, and it would have been awesome by the end of the season, but old habits die hard, especially when you are a soldier, and soldier life is the only thing you´d known for most of your life, I wanted to see her getting up at 5 am because Horde, doing marches because Horde, military salute everytime she saw an authoritative figure (especially Angela) because Horde, to train until her near death before Glimmer and Bow (cinnamon rolls) saw the need into showing her how to fricking relax because Horde. I wanted to see her have the weirdest traits (sit fully straight at dinner table and board game nights, be on the very edge while they were exploring or meeting someone new,...). 

I wanted her missing aspects of her old life, like machine humming or tight spaces or feeling uncomfortable with opulent stuff at Bright Moon castle, and feeling damn guilty about her missing Horde´s stuff and not getting accustomed to her new life in a matter of seconds.

I wanted to know why she´s so comfortable being She-ra, why she didn´t question being able to get into the skin of an 8ft tall goddess or why the sword chose her. I wanted her to question it: “why was I worth it?” “What have I done to deserve the sword?” “I did this, am I still worth being the chosen one?” (I wanted to see her ruminating on these thoughts forever)

Also, she being comfortable when called She-ra even in Adora´s form. This, this, could have led to a lot of emotional distress to Adora, could have made her feel worthless being Adora (now being fair, we kind of saw something akin to this thought process on Plumeria´s visit and before finding Crystal Castle), and maybe leading to a situation where she would end up mumbling something like: “my name is Adora.” under her breath after someone called her She-ra again for the thousandth time that week only.

I was expecting her to question every-little-aspect-of-everything: “Is there any other Horde kid like me?” “Do they have a chance to be good too?” “I was there too, I know how shitty the Horde is, do the other want to scape too?” “Would they leave the Horde too if I give them an opportunity?” “Is it okay for me to give them a change after all the bad things they´ve done?” “Am I that special?” 

And then see her try to recruit Horde kids into Princess Alliance and having arguments with Glimmer because: 

-”Horde kids are evil!”

-”I WAS from the Horde!” 

And Bow being the ultimate cinnamon roll.

And last but not least, I wanted to see her missing Catra just as much as the cat did OK. Like come on writers, you guys show us A LOT of moments where Catra was being her usual complicated self and still missing Adora like life itself, but Adora just? Didn´t? I get it ok New friends, new life, new family, but fuckity heck, I don´t recall and instance other than fighting, where Adora mentioned Catra´s name just because she. missed. her, duuude, she was your best fricking friend since forever, and you don´t seem to care that much? I´m sorry, but what on Earth?

I know is too late, I know that I may be caring way too much for a kid´s show, and I know that Adora has more important, bigger things to worry about now, especially now that season 2 is airing (haven´t watched it. please don´t spoiler me), but I care deeply for most of the characters of the show, and I want to see them grow and have depth and fall and fail and get up again and have redemption arcs and be happy, and... I´m going way too deep.

I will see myself out, thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[calliecat93]

Top 5 Things I Liked About RWBY Volume 5

(Top 5 Dislikes)

As I said in the Dislikes post, this volume is probably the most hated so far. Which is a real shame. Yes, there are legit problems with it, but that doesn’t mean that there was nothing good at all. There was a lot of good in this volume and I don’t find it fair to just brush it into the same pile along with the bad stuff. So let’s talk about some of those good things with my Top 5 Things I Liked About RWBY Volume 5~!

#5. Weiss is Best Girl

Weiss was the best character in this volume, honestly. While she doesn’t get as much stuff as Blake or Yang, she still got enough screentime and things to do that I was happy. She got it better than Ruby, at least. He successfully escaped Atlas. She defeated an entire horde of Lancers. She’s perfected her Summon enough to use it in combat. She survived a plane crash. She wasn’t intimidated by the Branwen Tribe. She would have escaped if Yang hadn’t appeared, and even then that just meant she couldn’t use stealth. She called Raven obnoxious. While people complain bout her relying on her Summoning too much,  she did a fairly good job of holding her own against Vernal. And once Jaune restored her Aura? She went right back to thrashing with her Queen Lancer Summon.

Weiss is the queen. But even so, we see a lot of her maturity in this volume. In the first two episodes, she wants to help the people being attacked by Grimm, but can’t cause it’ll give her away But when they stumble upon it in CHapter 2? Screw doing nothing! Weiss is a Huntress, ad she proves that she’s dedicated to that task there and then. But the best scene, of course, si when she talks to Yang in Chapter 8. Yang is correct that Weiss doesn’t know what it’s like for people to just leave without a word, but she does understand not having support from loved ones. Even with her large family, it fractured and split apart, and she was truly alone. She gets Yang to understand that Blake had reasons for leaving and that she will come back, and when she does then the best that they can do si give her support.

Not only does this help Yang cool down enough to be willing to let Blake back into the group, but it shows how much that Weiss has grown. This isn’t “The innocent don’t run, Yang” Weiss from Volume 1. Team RWBY became her new family, and she cares about all three of them more than either her brother or father cared about her. She doesn’t want to see another family fracture and her left to endure the fallout. Weiss understands why Blake did what she did, and believes that she will come back. And she’s willing to support her, as well as Yang. It’ one of the volumes best moments and really shows how much that Weiss has grown. She was such a great part of this volume all the way through, and this proves it.

#4. The Menagerie Plotline

While the Blake Plotline in V4 was not a favorite of mine, this one? This was what redeemed Blake for me. She’s done with running and is ready to face the White Fang, and in turn Adam, head-on at Haven. But, of course, she can’t do it alone. Their best chance is to get the citizens of Menagerie to help… but they’re not so willing. Not only because they’ll be risking their lives, but because they’ll be helping the humans. Humans who either hurt them or did nothing to stop it in their eyes. Ilia’s interference where she points out exactly how horrible their mistreatment had been did not help. But still, Blake was going to try.

We see a lot of Blake’s growth here. As I said, she’s not running anymore, but that’s not all fo it. She talks to Sun about Adam and if V3 hasn’t been enough, it and V5 Chapter 2 make Adam’s spiteful nature very clear and only makes it even more clear why Blake left when she did. She knows that Ilia is heading towards the same fate, but there’s still hope, and she wants to save her friend even if Ilia doesn’t want it. Ilia isn’t a bad person. She has noble intentions and we see that she still feels guilt and uncertainty in what she’s doing. She doesn’t want to hurt the Belladonna’s. She has to justify Sienna’s assassination as necessary for the betterment of the Faunus. She tries to get Blake to leave while there’s still time. She had the chance to hurt her in the Blake Trailer, but in the end, she couldn’t do it. She outright says that she hates hurting people, but in her mind, it’s the only way to get results.

Ilia is what I think that certain fans thought that Adam was. While Adam truly only serves himself and was beyond the point of return, Ilia did genuinely want to make Faunus lives better. She could have passed as a human if she had really wanted to, but she didn’t. She wore her Faunus status on her sleeve and was genuine in trying to improve their lives sot hat no one else died in a Dust Mine like her parents did. But she felt like the only way was to use fear and violence because otherwise no one did anything but stand around and let it happen. But she knew that it was wrong and she was still hesitant. Which Blake knew. She knew that there was still a chance before Ilia became another Adam, and she was going to help her before it was too late.

Indeed, it all leads to their fight in Chapter 10. It’s a really good fight all things considered, even if Blake burned down her own house… I wonder if they ever got that put out before they left Menagerie… but indeed, Blake tackles down Ilia, points out to her how there’s always another choice, and asks the million-dollar question: would Ilia’s parents want her to live like this? Ilia can only tearfully snap back that he doesn’t know what to do before all fo her resolve breaks then and there. After that, Blake’s words and Ghira saving her life finally pushes Ilia to make her choice. he stops Corsic (I think) in his tracks and finally breaks down.

After all of this, what does Blake do She steps up before the entirety of Menagerie. She points out that all the current chaos? They did it. Not the humans. Them. The White Fang is making people afraid and setting a bad example for the Faunus while they do nothing to contradict it. Blake has no answers on how they can truly achieve equality, but she does know that they can be better. They can show humanity that they aren’t like the White Fang by going to Haven and standing up against them. By standing alongside humans. And the first person to stand up and say that they’ll fight with her? Ilia. The girl who previously called the Belladonna’s traitors for this notion is now taking another choice. And this gets everyone else, everyone who was previously afraid to do so, rise up and all claim that they will go as well.

Indeed, Blake and the Faunus arrive at Haven and stop the White Fang. Blake faces Adam with no hint of fear. She rightfully knocks him into the ground, but that’s just the icing on the case. No, when Adam tries all of his little manipulative tactics on her, it fails. He tries to talk her down. She doesn’t budge. He thinks that he’s just going to run again. She doesn’t. Hell, she outright tells him that she is there for Haven, not him. He doesn’t matter to her anymore. Unlike Adam, Blake has friends and allies all around her while everyone that Adam had has either been arrested or walked out on him. Blake has better things t deal with, and thus this time, it’s Adam who runs. With this act, he made the White Fang turn on him, and now he’s the one running away. All while Blake is reunited with her team, this time having no intention of leaving and ready to repair the damage.

...okay I didn’t mean to go full-on analysis there, but the short version is I loved this plotline. Ilia’s a really good character who is very sympathetic and who you want to see do the right thing. And she does! Blake here is freakin’ fantastic in every way, and I love how far she’s come. Sun was great. Kali and Ghira were great. Adam having everything fall apart around him and it being entirely his own fault was great. Him running away was very satisfying. Everything was great~! Maybe some of the execution could have been a little tighter, but I don’t care. I loved this plot and I love Blake Belladonna.

#3. Spring vs Fall

I’m gonna lie, they totally fooled me about the Spring Maiden. I truly believed that it really was Vernal. Mainly because we saw her using her powers at least twice. We didn’t see Raven do anything, so how could it be her? They played us all like a damn fiddle. She wore her mask to hide the magic eye effect. Vernal was a Spring-inspired name, so those of us who like to look up stuff would just think that it cemented things even more. Raven was a good enough actress and liar to sell that Vernal was the Maiden without hinting at all that it may be her. She not only fooled Cinder, but she fooled Qrow. They framed things just enough to make it look like Vernal, like in Chapter 4 with the lightning where you see Vernal lowering her arm and, of course, her shouting ‘Enough!’. Or Raven telling Vernal to not use her power on Weiss, just to keep it up and have a reason for why Vernal doesn’t go full-on Maiden and since she’s a Bandit who would have years of combat experience, none of us would question it. Plus there was the earlier backstory, further pointing it at Vernal.

They had a well-crafted charade going, and CRWBY executed it perfectly. But of course, Cinder finds out when she fails to get the power out of Vernal. But due to it, we get by far the best fight int he entire volume. Say what you want about the Battle of Haven, but this fight they executed perfectly. It’s the first Maiden vs Maiden brawl and has two very strong and capable fighters duking it out. It is a true visual spectacle. And unlike all of her previous fights, Cinder isn’t confident or smug. Raven can match her. In fact, Raven is stronger, more experienced, and much smarter than her. Once again, Cinder is made to feel powerless and brought down from her high just as Ruby did in Volume 3. And you can just feel the hate radiating off of CInder due to ti, especially when she tells Raven to shut up when she mocks her near the end.

But indeed, Cinder loses. She muddied up their plan just to get a shot at the Maiden powers and for Ruby to get some damage since she’s not allowed to kill her. Raven overpowered her. Outwitted her. And it ended with Cinder getting thrown over the ledge, frozen, and sent into the abyss below. Yeah, we know that she survives, but it as still quite the beatdown. One that she brought onto herself because of her thirst for power.

The fight was just great. The whole Spring Maiden plot was great. They did such a great job with o many little details to sell the ploy to us, and we bought it! It’s why I can’t call Volume 5 bad. We have stuff like this that just gets swept aside, and that’s wrong Good writing should never be brushed aside just because we don’t like every other plotline. This on they did very well, and they deserve praise for it. I really enjoyed the plot and of course, the Maiden brawl. Although the final fate of the actual Spring Maiden is… dark. That isn’t a bad thing, it perfectly aligns with Raven’s character.  Speaking of which...

#2. The Yang and Raven Storyline

I’m gonna be honest. I don’t like Raven. Not because of bad writing, Raven is very well-written. I just hate her as a person. V4 already gave me a bad impression, but this one… ho boy. She’s emotionally manipulative of Yang and pretty much dismissed her when it was clear that Yang had no intention of joining her. She made a jab about family only showing up when they want something, which we all remember V4. She had zero problems with setting it up so that her brother could get killed just because he knew about Spring. Even if it was just to have a diversion to get the Relic, she still put her brother and daughter in harm’s way just for her own needs. And let’s not forget how she destroyed Shion, which knowing that she’s the Spring Maiden make sit even worst, and had no remorse in how any people got killed by them or the Grimm.

Raven’s a bad person and an even worst mother. And she knows it. She knows that abandoning Tai and Yang was bad. She knows that she’s selfish and hypocritical. She knows that murdering a young girl for her power was horrible. But in her mind, she’s doing what is necessary to survive. She justifies her actions as being strong. After all, the strong survive. She justifies killing Spring as mercy because she wouldn’t last in the world and her powers made her a target. She has this persona of a strong, clever warrior and leader, but that’ what it is. A persona. In truth, it’s all excuses to cover up how she’s really a scared young woman. Why? Because she’s afraid of Salem and like with Leo, feels that there is no beating her, so why try?

You know who is strong though? Yang. This girl lost her arm and is still suffering for it. Yet she got back up and went after Ruby. She finally meets the mother who abandoned her and uses her to get to Ruby and Qrow, her real family. She’s understandably angry about Blake still, but she actually listens to Weiss and starts to work through those emotions. She doesn’t just go rampaging in at the enemy, she finds other ways around a problem as Tai taught her. She doesn’t even use her Semblance at all because she doesn’t need to. She’s thinking smart and not wasting energy or taking attacks that she doesn’t need to take. We really see how much she’s grown as a fighter and see her evolve as a person. Despite all that happened to her, she still went to Haven. He still fought by her friends’ sides. She still went down into the Vault, and faced her mother.

Watching Yang call out Raven on all of her bullshit was immensely satisfying. Earlier, Raven planted doubt about Oz and the world in Yang’s mind and told her to as questions. Now this in itself was actually a good thing since it meant that Yang was actually wondering about things and didn’t just follow orders. Oz has done dubious things and as V6 showed, he does lie and manipulate. Raven pointing that out was good… she just didn’t expect Yang to also question her. Raven painted the bird thing as being forced on them, but Qrow made it clear that wasn’t the case. Raven kept trying to convince Yang to join her, acting cold towards her when her gestures were rejected. She feels like she should be Yang’s mom still, despite abandoning them, never being there despite being able to freely go there and back whenever she wanted, and just acting pretty shitty to her when they do finally meet. She was justified in leaving Ozpin. She wasn’t justified in turning her back on her family.

What Raven had done wasn’t strength. It doesn’t matter how many times she faced death, it doesn’t excuse murdering Spring due to her warped view of the world. She uses people. She abandons people. She puts people in danger to get what she wants. Everything that she does is self-serving. Even if she regrets it, she still did it. She may have been remorseful about Vernal, but she still used her just to protect herself. She wants to avid Salem, but took the Maiden powers and tried to take the Relic. But most of all, in the end, Yang points out how Raven will be a target if she takes the Relic. So she can either do it and re-enter the conflict that she claims to want no part of, or she can let Yang do it and put the target on herself. Raven weakly tells her that she doesn’t have to, but otherwise? She tearfully says that she’s sorry… and teleports away. In the end, despite knowing that Yang is right about everything, Raven once again chooses her own self-interest. Her own survival. She lets Yang take the fall, and abandons her once more.

Yang knows it too, taking the Relic and then breaking down. She spent so long wanting to meet her mother. Even if Ruby was her primary concern, I do think that she legit wanted to finally find Raven and get to know her. To see if she was the woman that her father described to her. But that Raven was dead. Qrow told her about Raven’s twisted world view, and it was proven true. I believe that Raven doe slove Yang, but in the end, she’s too stuck in her ways and in her own cowardice. She ran, but Yang stayed She was trembling, but she stood firm against Raven and called out her skewed view of strength. She may be powerful, but she isn’t strong. Yang was scared, yet she still made it to where she was. She was standing there. She took the Relic, fully aware that there was no turning away when she did. This arc showed why Yang is such ana amazing character and while it ended poorly with her mother, she has a family who loves her. And while one person left again, another came back.

On that note…

#1. The Team RWBY Reunions

The last time that we saw Team RWBY on-screen together was in Volume 3, Chapter 12. In it Yang was dismembered, Blake was a broken mess, and only Ruby and Weiss were left standing. After Ruby and Weiss ran in Beacon, that was it. The only time any of the members are together in some form is when Ruby went to see Yang after waking up. Yang was broken and could only tell Ruby that Weiss and blake were gone, and she just wanted to be left alone. That chapter was in February of 2016. V5 began in October of 2017. We hadn’t seen Team RWBY together in over a year and a half, and the last time was them at their darkest hour.

Fortunately, that wait ended here.

In Volume 4, we watched the girls overcome their hardships and set off on their new paths. RUby to save Haven. Weiss to escape her father. Blake to take back the White Fang. Yang to find Ruby. And they succeeded. Ruby made it to Mistral, and int he end did save Haven. Weiss got away and while she was too late to reunite with Winter, she still made it out. Blake stopped the White Fang from destroying Haven and re-ignited the Faunus on a more peaceful path. Yang found Ruby and held her own despite her PTSD. They all succeeded in their separate goals, but we still wanted them back together. And fortunately, we got three beautiful reunion scenes.

We had the Freezerburn reunion, where Weiss is just so relieved to finally see the face of someone that she cares about. The second that the Bandits backed off and Weiss jut threw herself at Yang and is clearly tearful as she tells Yang how much she missed her… it both breaks and warms your heart. Then we get their reunion with Ruby. One where Ruby drops everything (literally) and immediately begins to break down as she tries to apologize to Yang for leaving her. She thought that Yang didn’t want her around, and considering Yang’s last onscreen words to her were “Just leave me alone”, can you blame her? Yang’s response this time? To hug her tight and tell her that she loves her. Finally responding back after their not so happy final talk in V3. If that wasn’t sweet enough, they immediately open their arms to invite Weiss in, considering her to be their sister just as much as they do each other. Weiss tearfully, but happily, run into their arms and you’re crying right along with her. They are just such beautiful scenes and very much worth the payoff.

But it’s still an incomplete set, so let’s fix that.

Blake had no idea that RWY would be at Haven and seeing them, of course, shocks her. Seeing Yang back up and actually okay shocked. She didn’t have a lot of time to take it in yet though, having to deal with Adam. But after that? She jumps into the fray to help Ruby and Weiss and while we, unfortunately, don’t get to see the fight, they’re as sharp and coordinated as ever. Then the fight is over. The White Fang is dealt with. Her family and Ilia have that part covered. Sun yanks Blake towards the others, wordlessly gesturing her to walk forward and go back to her team. Her friends. We see her take in a breath before facing the three girls that she left behind. She’s clearly not sure what to say or do, but when RUby says that why they’re there is one of life’s great mysteries is a long story, Blake says that she’s not going anywhere. Ruby and Weiss are ready to accept her back, but they turn to Yang for her response. Ruby said that them being together was all that mattered… and sure enough, Yang smiles, nods, and agrees. That was the moment that Blake knew that while there was plenty to answer for still, she wasn’t going to be rejected for it. Yan saw that Blake came back so even if her mom left her again, Blake wouldn’t. Weiss opens up for arm as the sisters did for her before. Blake happily kneels down to join in. All as All That Matters plays in the background.

At that point, V3 was on the verge of becoming two years old. Last time the girls were together, they were broken and torn apart. Now? They grew. They healed. They somehow found a way back to each other. They all lost so much and endured so much, but somehow, despite all of it, there they were. Together once again. That group hug is one of my favorite RWBY moments of all time and still makes me tearful now. It’s why I will never hate this volume. That scene where they hug and are just so happy and relieved to be together… how the Hell could I hate that? I can’t. Every reunion was beautifully done, especially the final one. It was a perfect payoff to the split plotlines and everyone’s arc, and it will always be what I treasure most about this volume.

V5 gets hated. A lot. But there is value in it. A lot of value. So no, I refuse to hate it. I don’t hate any volume and have yet to hate any volume. I hope that I was able to show some of the good parts of it. But with that done, five volumes down. One to go. Two more posts to do folks. We are in the home-stretch people. Let’s see if I can make it to home-base now.

[castielgurl]

Come Into My Life Chapter 10

You can read the full chapter here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13693443/chapters/47086378?view_adult=true

The next morning.

Selena was nervous; she remembers Natalia's face during the wedding ceremony. She was worried about the young girl. Is she willing to get married?

Scott saw Selena's face as restless.

"Selena, why with your face? Steve with Nat the one married why are you worried about it?" Scott chuckles. Scott slept at Steve's house after yesterday's wedding.

"I saw Nat's face yesterday, she looked sad on her wedding ceremony yesterday," Selena remembered

"Why would she want to upset anyway, nobody forces her to get married? She`s agreed to marry Steve" Scott talking while drinking water

"I wonder why Mister Roger wants to keep secret about their marriage. Is he ashamed to marry a teenage girl?" Selena feels weird

"He's probably kept a secret because he's a CEO, and just divorced his wife; imagine if people know about it, the media will be crazy. People will say Nat just wants money. He will reveal who Natalia later. "Scott understands his boss's mind.

"Now people are indifferent. The old man married young women is normal. I think Nat was sad because her mother was not present at her wedding." Selena might guess.

"It's okay, you can replace her mother," Scott told Selena.

*******************************************************************************************

Nat got up early and set up breakfast for Steve. This is the first time she cooks for Steve. Selena says he likes to eat toast for breakfast.

"Good morning Mister Rogers," Nat said as she poured tea

"Good morning, Nat you don`t need to prepare breakfast for me. Selena can do all this." Steve sat on the chair

"But I feel guilty for not helping. I just sit in this house and do nothing" Nat stood beside Steve

"You're my wife, you don`t need to feel guilty. Let’s sit down with me." Steve told Nat to sit

"No, I want to eat with Selena in the kitchen"

"It's okay, you eat with me and I'm will be busy with work, maybe there's no time to have breakfast with you anymore" Steve shows the chair

Nat finally agreed to eat with Steve.

"Mister Rogers, I have a request" Natalia tried to be brave

"What is it?" Steve asking

"I want to ask you for permission to move to my room back. Because I felt uncomfortable to sleep in your room. So we can be comfortable again "Nat hoped Steve was not upset

"Sure. It's not a problem” Steve understand

"Good morning Steve" Sharon suddenly appeared

"Sharon what did you do here early in the morning?" Steve did not expect Sharon to suddenly appear.

"I'm looking for you at our office. Oh, it looks like you both have breakfast together. Sweet indeed uncle and niece eat together "Sharon stood beside a table

"Yeah, nothing wrong for uncle and niece eating together right? Sharon let sit and have a breakfast "Steve invited Sharon to eat

"Sure. Thanks” Sharon sat down. "How long did Natalia stay here? Did Peggy know about her?" Sharon began to investigate

"She's just staying here, her college is just twenty minutes from here, and Peggy has not met her yet," Steve answered quickly

"Steve how about we have lunch together today? We haven`t eaten together for a long time. I will pay” Sharon smiled as she touched Steve's shoulders

Natalia watches with Sharon's touching her husband. She understood that Sharon knew Steve for much longer. But Sharon seems to be deliberately trying to make her jealous. Sharon also looked at her cynically. She probably hates her.

Natalia waited for Steve to send her to college. Sharon came and sat next to her.

"You are Natalia, right? I want to tell you that Peggy is Steve's, first love. In our university, they were called the most beautiful couple. Don`t even dream you can win Steve`s heart. You need to see yourself in the mirror. You definitely not his type. Ok see you later Natalia "Sharon said arrogantly.

Natalia and Steve stay silent in the car.

******************************************************************************************* Sharon was unsatisfied and confronted with Steve. She needs to find an answer.

“Steve you have changed a lot now, and you rarely go out with me anymore" Sharon meets Steve at his office

"I'm busy, you know after my father died." Steve was trying to ignore Sharon.

"But every time I see Natalia I felt something wrong. I don`t believe she's your niece, I think you're lying and making up the stories" Sharon said

"Why do I have to lie? Sharon, I`m warning you do not interfere with my personal business" Steve gave a warning

"Steve, I'm your best friend. I just saying that Nat and Scott look very close, at first I thought Natalia was Scott's lover, and young girls nowadays like older men, although Scott is not as rich as you. But Scott is a man. He can afford to take care of her "Sharon tried to change Steve's mind. And she left Steve's office.

Steve started thinking whether Scott and Natalia had something behind his back

*******************************************************************************************

Steve asked Scott to send him to the golf center. Scott took Natalia after college. Natalia was surprised to see Steve suddenly in the car. Usually, only Scott was in the car.

The home trip seems very strange because of Steve's presence.

"After this, we want to go to the stationery shop. Natalia wants to buy books and equipment for her exam" Scott told Steve

"Well, I'm not going to play golf, I will follow both of you," Steve said

Natalia and Scott were shocked

“Sure”

Nat and Scott walk to the stationery shop. Steve just watched from behind. They were both very friendly and lots of laughing together. They take a photo together, and Natalia's post it on her Instagram. Steve pretends to look at books while he watches his wife look happy with Scott.

Steve and Natalia are waiting for Scott who is busy talking on the phone. Natalia is busy taking a selfie. Steve just sat down and watched Natalia's actions.

“You seem to be busy. Your followers look forwards for important updates from you. Go ahead followers are important right?” Steve exclaimed as Natalia did not speak a word with him at all.

"Mister Rogers I`m sorry, I don`t know what to talk to you” Natalia keeps her phone in the pocket

"You talk to Scott a lot of things," Steve said

"Scott is a little bit different, even though he's older, but he's cool and chill, I can talk anything with him," Natalia said with a smile

Steve feels a bit lousy with Natalia. Because his wife doesn`t like to talk to him. He made an annoying face at Natalia.

******************************************************************************************* During work time Nat sends a message. Nat told Steve to go home for dinner because she cooked Steve's favorite food, Chicken Grill. Steve just smiled and said ok. He then watched the cooking video post by Natalia on Instagram. Without realizing he smiled alone.

Sharon came to Steve's office. She asks Steve's help to accompany her to the project presentation with Sharon's client. Steve was initially reluctant because he had promised with Nat. But he finally said yes.

It's almost midnight. But Steve is still not home. Nat only she able to see the food she cooked on the table. She still refuses to eat because she is waiting for Steve.

Steve finally came home after that.

"Mister Rogers, you promised to eat together tonight, but where are you going?" Nat felt very upset. She might raise her voice higher.

"I'm sorry because I have an important meeting. I already had my dinner" Steve forgot to call Natalia because he was too busy

"But you made a promised; you can at least call me or send a message or something” Nat was very angry with Steve's ignorance. She was very hungry, and Steve didn`t tell her that he was home late.

Steve feels very annoying

"First of all the promise is not everything to be fulfilled, and the second I don`t ask you to wait for me or cook for me. I can say now Natalia Romanova you have to remember the purpose of our marriage. I told you I will not treat you as a wife. You don`t have the right to prohibit me from going out with anyone or interfere with my work. Do you understand? "Steve was very angry and felt that Nat did not respect him. He went straight to his room as he was too tired and need to sleep.

Natalia tried to deceive herself. She acknowledged that Mister Rogers's words were very painful. Although she realized she should not have any feelings about Steve. She knows who she is. And she should not be angry with someone who has helped her a lot. Nat could only cry until she fell asleep.

******************************************************************************************* The next day Nat takes a suit for Mister Rogers. Nat knocked on the door but Steve did not answer. Nat kept opening the door and put a suit on the bed. Then she realized that she forgot the socks and handkerchiefs. Nat talks to herself. Then Steve suddenly appeared from behind. He's just after a shower.

"Who are you talking to?” Steve rebuked

Nat turn around her body because she was shocked by the voice. Natalia then stunned because Steve was wearing only a towel around his waist

"Mister Rogers forgive me, I thought you not in the room." Natalia's face was red because she had never seen a man shirtless. And Steve's body is very muscular. Nat kept looking down as it was very shy to see Mister Rogers's face.

"You don`t have to do this, it's Selena's work, you don`t come here to be a maid,” Steve said, taking his suit on the bed.

"But I feel ashamed if I do not help," she said. "I'll let Selena do it next time." Nat quickly got out of the room because she felt very embarrassed.

Steve holds Nat's wrist.

"Well, you don`t have to be shy, I'm your husband, you can look at me, its normal" Steve feels weird with Natalia's attitude

Nat looked at Mister Rogers's face. And saw her wrists still held by Mister Rogers. Steve realized and immediately let go of Natalia's hand.

"Uh, Nat afternoon I want to take you to the restaurant, I'll take you from college." Steve tries to change the topic.

"Thanks, Mister Rogers, I prefer to eat home cooking, because I don`t have much money, it's better to save money, I'll have to pay you later” Natalia remembers Steve's words to her yesterday. Of course, she refuses.

Natalia left Steve speechless.

******************************************************************************************* At noon, Steve was waiting for Natalia outside the college. Although Nat refused his invitation, Steve still forced Nat. He uses the power of authority.

"Nat, let's get in the car." Steve gave directions

Nat refused to come in.

"Natalia Alianova Romanova! I told you to get into the car now or I'm picking you up. Now you make a choice." Steve was ashamed as just ignore his request.

Nat grumbled, but eventually agreed and got in the car.

They eat in a luxury restaurant. But Natalia still refuses to touch her food.

"Why you don`t eat anything, you're hungry, you didn`t eat dinner and breakfast this morning" Steve knew why Natalia behaved so "Stop being sulky, the people who like being sobs and sulky will fail in life," Steve said cynically.

Nat rolled her eyes.

"Nat, I brought you here, because I want to apologize about yesterday, I should not say that to you, I want you to give me more time, I need to know you, and you need to know me" Steve holds Natalia's hands

And for the first time, Steve smiled to Nat. Nat was stunned because Steve's smile was so sweet. His teeth are beautifully arranged. Natalia's heart began to melt even when she was angry with Steve for a while. Nat also smiled as well.

"Eat, I have a lot of work to do next." Steve continued to eat

Nat takes some food using a spoon. She then handed the spoon to Steve. He was initially a little hesitant. But he then ate the food from his wife's hands

"Wow, how sweet you two."

"Sharon?"

[jamikellywriter]

50 Years of Woodstock - In One Day

Ok, so why all the hubbub about the 50th anniversary of Woodstock?

This isn’t a post about the Watkins Glen debacle (the upstate town otherwise known for its racetrack that was supposed to serve as the site of the 50th Anniversary celebration with a roster of performers that sounded too good to be true, because it was). Or the curious coincidence of the Carribean “Frye Festival” fiasco of a few years earlier - where tickets for the first “annual” concert were going for upwards of $12,000 for an event that turned out to be barely a blueprint. And let’s not forget the also-not-gonna-happen fourth annual “OZY Fest” in Central Park which was cancelled by Mayor de Blasé-o because it was too damn hot -- or because his presidential campaign stomping had him in Dubuque that weekend; we’ll never know for sure.

No, this isn’t a lament about the non-festivals of the twenty-teens. It’s about what did happen in Woodstock on the third weekend of August, 1969, and the same weekend 50 years later.

Before the mud at Woodstock ‘69 

And 50 years later, Radio Woodstock 100.1 WDST concert at Utopia Sound Stage 

“The town still retains much of its ‘69 feel, despite all the commercialism,” according to Ronald, my Uber driver who was at the original event 50 years ago by way of an entry-level radio station job. “My boss caught wind of something going on and thought we should be there. So I went.” With no ticket, no tent, no food, he went alright. His most overwhelming memory? “It smelled.” His second? “I wish I had saved some of the audio I took,” he lamented to me. But who knew? When I mentioned the station must surely still have whatever content he captured, he told me they changed hands so many times, nothing is left. Another remembrance? “I was an arm’s length from Janis Joplin on the stage.” As a resident of Woodstock for a few years, Ronald once ran into Bob Dylan, who also lived there, at “The Green” where he dropped me off. Also known to make the town home at one point or another were Van Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, David Bowie, Bonnie Raitt, Donald Fagen, and John Sebastian of the Lovin’ Spoonful who still lives there, according to Ronald. 

Not Michael Moore, my Uber driver Ronald, who spent some years living in Woodstock and was at the 1969 event. So while I had Ronald, I thought I would get my facts straight about the ‘69 event. Why free? It wasn’t supposed to be. There were tickets sold for $3 a day, but when the crowds took over, they couldn’t continue to check everyone for tickets and basically said, F-it, it’s free. Of note, some tickets for the Watkins Glen spectacle were going for $1,000. 

The original lineup in ‘69 - on a T-shirt from ‘19

Why Yasgur’s Farm? That’s not even in Woodstock! And who’s Yasgur? There were several music festivals in Woodstock before this one, but the organizers were looking for a bigger venue to hold about 20,000. 20,000! The actual turnout was more than 20 times that, despite Jimi Hendrix’s famous quote that it was over a million. So they stumbled upon a local farmer named Max Yasgur who had 600 acres to rent out in Bethel, NY.  Bethel is 70 miles away from Woodstock, but Bethel just doesn’t roll off the tongue in quite the same way.  

The real deal at Yasgur’s farm in ‘69 - from a friend who shall remain nameless as well as shirtless. I’d always thought the concert was actually held in Saugerties. What gives?  Some pre-'69 Woodstock music events were held in Saugerties, and the 25th Anniversary of the concert was held there. Oh that must be it! Why did it become such a cultural milestone if there were already similar concerts before it? Ok, there’s been a lot written about this one, but here’s my take, eh, really Ronald’s. The cultural mood was ripe for it. People needed something - the Vietnam war, the civil rights movement - people were restless. A generation worshipping at the feet of Richie Havens, whose opening set contained the iconic “Freedom”, was yearning for just that. And somehow, the rain and the traffic and the music collectively conspired to create a muddy container within which 400,000+ hippies experienced three days of peace, love and their own form of sunshine. 

Another shot from Woodstock ‘69

While those of us born too late may never fully appreciate its significance, here’s another explanation:

This plaque appears in a gallery in the Woodstock Playhouse, another cultural institution in the area where I stayed for the evening’s performance of “Hair” to round out my blast-from-the-past day.

Actors from “Hair” at the Woodstock Playhouse after the final verse of “Let the Sunshine In”, which included audience members, like me, on stage So, what did Woodstock the town do to celebrate Woodstock 50? Good question. When Ronald dropped me at The Green in the center of town, I only saw three violinists playing to a crowd of one, me. As I wandered the town, I saw the usual smattering of tourists, nothing out of the ordinary for an upstate tourist town in summer. Then I made my way up Rock Ridge Road and followed the sound of live music to the Colony - no doubt named for the artist colonies of Byrdcliffe and Maverick established there in the early 1900’s. Yes, Woodstock’s cultural history goes back to the turn of the last century. 

There were some local acts performing on two sound stages, one for real bands and one for, let’s just say, amateurs. The only restriction for the smaller sound stage was that the performers had to be locals. ‘Nuff said.

Sensing there had to be something more going on in this town, on this weekend, I hitched a ride (ok, I befriended a young couple who were there celebrating their first anniversary and they gave me a ride) down about a mile and a half away to Bearsville, where Radio Woodstock was hosting the real celebration which included merchandise kiosks and food trucks. I wonder what the hippies would have thought of food trucks in 1969?

My “ride” making love not war, in front of a food truck

The '19 festival also featured a 30-minute film running on a loop that captured some of the highlights of the weekend 50 years earlier.

Was there any tie dye?

Yes. Lots.

So if the tumult of the late sixties led to Woodstock ‘69, what hope does our generation in ‘19 have to unite us in an era of climate change, mass shootings, and a president who boasts of his friendships with dictators who admittedly “meddle” with our democracy? In the age of iTunes, it’s likely not music. In the age of Facebook, where everyone's life is already a “story”, it’s likely not the written word or photography.

Let’s just hope our collective container comes from looking backward, not living in a virtual reality as depicted by Netflix shows like Black Mirror. They say, everything old is new again. Perhaps that will prove to be true about the lessons learned from Woodstock ‘69.

These characters already seem to get it…

Dig those locks!

Where’s the farm?

The author in front of an authentic VW bug from the era, no Deadheads to be found. Well, maybe a few. 

[hypospace]

The Block

Hello.

So I haven't posted anything on here in almost 3 years. Not only that, I also haven’t written/expressed any personal thoughts in a coherent body of text in 3 years. Yes, it's that bad. I have always struggled and had doubts about myself when it comes to writing, even back when I first started. I mean, I've never done it as anything else but a hobby, but I have to say that the past 3 years was probably the lowest I’ve been in terms of writing/creativity/self-expression. And it’s not like I didn’t have any thoughts I wanted to express - just that every time I try to write there's a part of my mind that just screams “Stop! Can’t do this!”. God knows how many times I've started a blank page and then deleted everything after a few sentences in. 

I have tried to pinpoint the reason(s) for this mental block. I saw a post here once that pretty much sums up the feeling. I thought that maybe I had simply lost the ability to express without feeling like I was repeating myself, which is only partly true. Then I realized that the bigger problem was that I felt like whatever it is I'm trying to say has already been said by someone else, and in a much more eloquent way too. This excuse stuck around for a while, until I found another- and another, and another. Some other reasons I came up with:

-- No time (too busy with uni work) -- Not motivated/inspired enough (not enough reading) -- No audience (not enough followers)

In fairness, some of these reasons were actually true to some extent. I was in the middle of doing my degree abroad and struggling to find time to read outside of my course to get inspired enough to write. And it's not like my writings will ever reach more than a handful of people so why bother right? But then these same circumstances have never really stopped me from expressing myself through writing a few years before (nor should they stop me). There had to be more underlying issues that I'm ignoring. Then at some point, I just got tired of thinking about it all and decided that maybe it’s time I stopped trying so hard to do it.

But I’ve been revisiting the idea of expressing myself again lately. After some self-reflection, I think I finally managed to boil down the mental block to these issues:

I was struggling so much to express myself because there was no self to express - at least, no constant self at any given time anyway. I was going through a lot of changes around me. Found myself in an unfamiliar environment which demanded growth in almost every aspect of myself. Meanwhile I was still trying to write as my younger persona. It just doesn't make sense (and a bit ironic considering how much I talk about how much everyone is constantly changing and all that). I am still growing even as I'm writing this, but I think an important thing to realize is that writing has to come from a genuine self - and that genuine self may change from time to time, which means my writing style may also change from time to time. But that's completely okay. There needs to be an acceptance of whoever you are in the present moment.

At the same time, I was also becoming very conscious of how much the things I say (and have said) actually come from a place of privilege and ignorance. To the point that it's crippling my confidence to even say anything. What if my opinion on this thing is biased because I had access to something that others may not have? What if my opinion is not fully formed because I'm not seeing the full picture? I realize now that it's not a very healthy way to go about living life. It's probably better to say something and get it wrong so you can learn, rather than not say anything at all and worry about it your whole life (I'm still working on this one though).

When I started this blog, I kinda set the tone of this blog to be very serious and somber. But that was probably just because I was a very serious and somber person at the time. I used to write as a coping mechanism to process some difficult emotions. In recent years I would sometimes struggle to keep up with that tone because I had grown a lot emotionally. Not to say that I'm happy and cheerful all the time now, but it's definitely a more complete spectrum now. I'm not into poetry so much nowadays, but that's okay because there are other ways to express myself and my emotions which are just as valid.

Things have been a bit more stable lately. I think, I'm a lot more comfortable in my own shoes now. I've been getting the desire to write again, which is always a good first step. Although, I can't promise I'll write twice a week or something like that but I will try my best to express myself more - for no other reason than because it makes me feel at home, and because I want to do it.

Till next time, Amin

[inappropriatefangirlneeds]

Gotham s5ep4 “Ruin” Personal Review

“There goes the element of surprise..”    Warning spoilers below (ahaha not this week, boy am I late, not that anyone would have missed this though, also little meta content this week)  

What I loved about the episode is that it´s the “apocalypse” and then it comes down to a crime scene investigation! I would take much more of that! Much more!  Just less of a bloodthirsty MOB. Like would they really want Zsasz hanged? The evidence was pretty clear, Jim Gordon really got no reason to lie to them, actually it would greatly benefit him if he did. Do they really not want to see the real culprit punished? I´m not a fan of lynch/mob law in general but does it make sense for the mob to want the wrong guy hanged, that way the police probably will think / claim everything is settled and call it a day, which means the real culprit is free to do that again, but then again I wonder how many people know about Zsasz and him having been a hitman, did some of them have had relatives that got into Carmine / Sal Maroni crossfire, was this partly a he´s a guilty filthy criminal *anyway* thing?  * “You don't need to smuggle in explosives when you can detonate 250 gallons of highly pressurized heating oil that's coursing through all the floors.”  Ah damn, they really had Edward Nygma do it, I kind of didn´t want them to follow that route. Also why put that running guy with bomb in there then, huh .. damn exploding herrings.  HOPE goes on and off this week:  “But whoever destroyed that building can't destroy the hope we've built. Not unless we let them.” “I told the people it was safe. I made them into a target.” “Jim, you gave 'em” “Don't tell me I gave 'em hope. They're dead.”  * It´s GOOD vs. EVIL “This city will never be what you want it to be, Jim. It's always gonna belong to the bad guys, like me.”  “People like you are always trying to own this city. But you never will.” * It´s GOOD ft. EVIL Oswald Cobblepot poses as if he was the synthesis of both those opposites: A bad guy that cares. “I lost people, too, Jim. People you lured with promises of safety and security, only to have them incinerated.”  Oswald arms the GCPD talking about working together just to take over and get his own trials and justice going. He´s claiming to provide what Jim can´t. While both Barbara Kean & Oswald Cobblepot claimed their help came no strings attached Oswald´s help does not include staying aside and letting them do their work. Although to be fair he said “Save for the one that we will cinch around the neck of the Haven bomber.” What is it with people that it always needs a couple hundred dead people that they can focus on nice things. Anyway everyone is appropriately appalled with this atrocity. They also gave all the villains some selfish reasons. OSWALD COBBLEPOT wants people and their cheers. EDWARD NYGMA wants the file of the inmate.  “I've been putting out feelers.” BARBARA KEAN is worried Sirens might be next, making her probably the least “selfish” one because she seems to care about the people that she protects and might not demand the same level of praise that Oswald does. (I know probably other things but unless canon proves me wrong I headcanon slightly differently) She feels hurt but understands Jim would suspect, even for a moment that she could be responsible for the destruction Haven. They slowly get her back on suitable for Jim Gordon to kiss track, which phu idk. I liked her and their relationship in S1,  but there´s just so much happened in between. And plenty in Barbara´s characterization I didn´t like so it´s nice to see her on a more reasonable track now but how about they just gave her an awesome relationship with Tabitha ........  Characterization questions aside I really loved that she did not and could not kill Oswald in the light of the explosion! That was a touching moment!  Also her outfit is nice, although they toned down the make up. And Jim gripping her arm during the kiss almost gives old timey movie vibes. I´m sure I don´t need to write on Babs / Oswald paralells, I assume I just can reblog better words on it from someone ..  * Also something tells me if JIM GORDON  had gotten that shoot out with VICTOR ZSASZ, that kiss would not have happened …… “Inmate number 1215 knows! Knows what???!!??!” Ha, distressed, puzzled, annoyed EDWARD NYGMA is a joy to watch. I don’t really have to say more on that. Edward snatching the blanket from the woman when walking into the GCPD makes me wonder, what would he have done if that woman hadn´t been there? Just walked in? Did he have a stupid disguise and was like, oh no wait that´s better.  He and LUCIUS FOX were a delight. Edward trying to snatch the file from him and run was wonderful! Him preening in pride when his expertise is wanted was delightful! Lucius claiming, he´ll deny having said the praise he gave Edward in the end, precious! Lucius playing him like a fiddle, and moving him with barely more than his fingertips, damn! Just that the whole thing was shot like when Ed pursued Kristen Kringle!  Their dynamic is just wonderful: “Impressive. Calculated the angle of incident to follow the trajectory through the window, into the fuel oil tanks.” “Yep. That, and the RPG case is right over there.”  * One thing that stressed me was Ed sending the Files flying around him on the rooftop. Like at that moment he didn´t yet know that the woman he saw in the window was connect to the note he put down on his hands. Even when the inmate was dead there could have been some hints in the file or who knows in hid grave. Like, no Edward! No! Go run and pick them up.  * Someone needs to do a Parallel Meta for 5x04 & 4x12  when Ed found out he hired the hit on Leslie Thompkins. * “I did not make that building go boom, Jim.”   Yeah, that´s a VICTOR ZSASZ line. Love him. * ““Hey, do you guys have any canned peaches? Man, I'd trade an arm and a leg for that right now. Not mine, somebody else's.” Food and cut off limbs, that´s another one. Love him. * And that one: “Do the math.  If I blew up a building full of people, I would have covered every inch of my body in sweet, sweet scars.  You guys want to do a strip search?” “I'd let Alvarez do it. He's handsome” * Him shooting Oswald´s head on the major poster after he said something was a great detail! * Him drinking while waiting for the bullet hail to stop as well. * I´m gonna make a post about the Gunman magazine that fell on the floor, after Jim tackled him so majestically ...  * Zsasz usurping the applause afterwards, and later was adorable. * “Is this about Sofia Falcone? Because you should really move past that. It's not healthy.” DOES HE KNOW SHE KILLED CARMINE, DOES HE OR DOES HE NOT ???? They had him express sympathy towards Carmine in Season 1, they showed that he cared when Carmine got killed. I get that he might abandon issues like that in the current environment but they can´t open up such a plotline and then just drop it. Does he know that Oswald didn´t kill Carmine? Like honestly .. I know it´s the Jim Gordon show but I would have loved it if Victor Zsasz just had saved himself!! I would have loved it even more if along the way they somehow figured out the whole misconception, Zsasz would recognize that Sofia and not Oswald is to blame and maybe even apologize. * But hey Oswald´s “Well said” about the mumbled last words was mean but awesome. * Soooo who went in the trashy local torture museum to get the guillotine? * How does Zsasz work? There where zero people shown around him. What is it like to live on Zsasz turf? * Zsasz mumbling must have been bewildered that they aren´t honouring the tradition of the last meal before an execution, like he got his order ready, that was the last silver lining, if he´s really going to face his end at the hands of penguin in those halls at least he´s going to get his teeth into something juicy and tasty before it happens ..  SELINA KYLE, (Bruce Wayne), JEREMIAH VALESKA, ECCO * Sykes and the Soothsayers digging a tunnel for Jeremiah Valeska. Is that poetic justice? Also is this a new tunnel, when the Soothsayers had the children dig it they went out of their way to state that their cruelty is even more infuriating because the whole endeavour is very likely futile.  Like they made it damn clear that the TUNNEL is not going to go anywhere. Also would Jeremiah, who made the bridges go boom want a tunnel that remedies that  issue partly? Only for himself? His cult? Is he doing something else altogether? Is it about what he can get into the city through it? Is he better at static issues and remedied the tunnel digging plan? Was he involved before?  * “Yes you certainly have set a very high bar - for devotion.” Fucker gave me an earworm, Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio & Spiritual Front - A Song 4 Hate and Devotion (live) I mean quite a fitting mood considering all the other portrayals of the Harley and Mr. Jay relationship, but maybe they give ECCO and JEREMIAH VALESKA a different path. Aside from that the little dance was slightly nice. * “Bruce Wayne and his sidekick Curls Or is he the sidekick?” Yes! Ecco got the right spirit. I wonder if Ecco sees herself as sidekick?  “You see, a river cuts through rock not because of its power, but because of its persistence.So what do we do when we feel like giving up?” “Dig a little deeper.” “And what do we do when we can't possibly go on any longer?” “Dig a little deeper.” “And what do we ..” “Deep enough?”  I´m afraid it was not deep enough, I´m afraid it was quite shallow because the show is not as clever as Ecco, I bet that he isn´t dead, if he was it if could have actually been just about her. Honestly, I would love that. All the BatJokes built up and then it´s about Selina. And she has plenty right for it to be about her, Jeremiah almost killed her. What else does it need.  * SELINA KYLE keeping in the shadows investigating, disguising herself as one of the people there, then getting close to Jeremiah dressed as Ecco: She´s good! She´s awesome! * That GCPD woman that was doing PAPERWORK when Ed sneaked into the building. Do they do regular paperwork? Cause damn, considering the governmental neglect if Jim got them to bother to do the regular paperwork he must have given one hell of a speech. Or is it paperwork related to organize a place like Haven? How do they do things? * Oswald destroying all strategy with a megaphone: “There goes the element of surprise.” * “Elevated position, back to the sun.” * “Never ever ask me to do anything like that again. Pull yourself together.” Harvey does not approve of Wild West Jim  * “ I know the wheels of justice turn slowly, so I'm here to provide - a modicum of grease.” / “I did not expect you to go soft, Jim. Actually, I did.”  / “By the power vested in me by well, me, I sentence you, Victor Zsasz, to die.”   * “One of the areas in which I excel is the loosening of tongues.” “No. He's mine”  Oh damn I thought Jim said “it´s mine” as in he´s better with interrogations. Well there goes my whole comparison with the Edward Nygma & Lucius Fox expertise quip:  “So, the second smartest man in Gotham needs my help.” “Explosives are not my expertise.”  “Didn't realize you had one.”  *“Jim Gordon cares more about protecting a murderer than he does about protecting you!” Okay look who is projecting ....