#So we made a bingo before seeing any spoilers and this is a post-spoiler bingo

[imminent-danger-came]

have you seen the special yet? I think it almost killed me. its just akfjakdjfkajd; 10/10

Not yet, but within the next couple of hours! I don't think I'll liveblog it, but anything I post while I watch will be tagged "lmk suffering".

[a-star-that-burns-brightly]

CH2-12 thoughts (spoilers, I guess. You probably shouldn't be in the tag if you haven't finished the episode though.)

So! DRDT is officially back, and wow what a way to begin the rollercoaster we'll be put through the next few weeks. This episode was amazing, and I wanted to discuss my thoughts on it in a more detailed form. This episode gave us a lot of character moments that I want to at least mention, so let's get into it? Before we do though, I want to say that through these posts, I will be updating two things and showing them at the beginning and end First one being the swear statistics! It became a thing after my previous rewatch that every time a character swears, I count it, and I want to continue doing that for the rest of the series if I can so manage it.

^ current swear statistics as of CH2-11

And the second being...drumroll please!

My own personal DRDT CH2-Part 2 bingo card! If something on this list happens in CH2-Part 2, I'll check it off. Hopefully I can get a bingo or two in here, especially since, spoilers, two of the boxes have already been checked. But with all of that preamble out of the way, let's begin shall we? I’m going to cover the character moments we got in separate categories of the well…characters, rather than in order, for the sake of being concise.

Arturo

First and foremost, “Shut your whore mouth” made me scream at the top of my lungs. God I wish that was voiced. But more importantly, the thing about Arturo being very young for a plastic surgeon actually being addressed was not something I expected, especially so early. But I definitely appreciate the nuggets of Arturo backstory. Funny enough, his situation sounds very similar to Min’s in some regard, especially this line

(x) Arturo: I was only able to get this far in such a short amount of time because I specialized in plastic surgery, and nothing else. I neglected everything that wasn't immediately relevant to my goals.

This absolutely plays a factor into his relationship with his little sister. It more than likely was not just him leaving that made her commit suicide, but perhaps also years of neglect. And if she really felt like she couldn't live a life without Arturo in it, it's safe to say that their parents probably weren't the best either. The more I learn about Arturo and his homelife the more worried I am for him and especially his sister.

Veronika

Veronika didn't get much besides being her usual self, but I gave her a category because I wanted to point out two things One, Veronika calling Arturo cute. That just made me smile

And secondly, this line right here

(x) Veronika: Oh, and don't say something as boring as "I want to kill myself." I have no interest in such mundane reasons.

This is so fucked up and awful and gross and I absolutely love her for it. I just know she's going to get worse, I hope she does.

And also the fact that she apparently finds suicide to be inherently boring is very interesting, given the fact that she more than likely has the self-harm secret.

Whit

I know he didn't have much, if any major role in this episode but...listen I missed him. So much. You have actually zero idea how much I missed him and his goofiness... But also I can't believe that was the explanation for the dent in the computer lab that's been bugging me for months. Well played DT-Dev... (though the fact that Whit got away with breaking a rule solely because MonoTV thought it was funny is a bit fishy...it's almost like he's the MASTERMIND-- /hj)

We also in general got a lot of Charles and Whit moments, which I always like to see I don't think there's anything else to cover when it comes to Wh--

(x) David: Ugh! Goddamn it, Whit, does everything you say have to be made into some shitty dumb joke?! You're actually really fucking annoying! Shut the fuck up!!

...Well, when I said I wanted more Whitvid interactions I guess this can serve as a reward. ...guys dont worry this is how we can still wi--

Levi

...I mean, what else is there to say really?

No but actually I'll talk. This is what we've been theorizing for a year, and I actually had it in my predictions that Levi's secret was going to be the one revealed in this episode. But I did not expect it right at the end, nor did I expect it to be so sudden. And I don't think Levi has any reason to lie either, so I think this is his actual secret. Seeing him lose confidence and apologize for his unhelpfulness kind of stung to me, honestly. Levi has been trying to help the group since the very beginning, and that has only amplified since the start of Chapter 2. So seeing him...basically give up was very upsetting He is definitely going to be in the hot seat next week's episode and I am very excited for it, hopefully we get some insight on his past as well and...maybe a levi and nico interaction? please dt-dev? please? :>

Hu

FishyFried, as always, knocked it out of the fucking park with Hu's voice acting, and her monologue towards David was just as amazing...if not a bit terrifying, as it directly parallels with her hidden quote

I want to pay for what I’ve done. But even then, I still want to live.

I think I've said this before, but I adore David and Hu's dynamic and how both of them tackle the themes of change in their own ways, how both of them project onto the people around them to fulfill their own desires due to being stagnant in their own growth as people, it's so much fun, and I can't wait to see how this continues to develop in the later chapters I am sincerely a ch5victim!david + ch5killer!hu believer at the end of the day.

Teruko

Oh Teruko, quite a bit to discuss with you today.

For starters, her genuinely feeling embarrassed and upset upon realizing what she did wrong, apologizing for it, and (how I interpreted it anyway) beginning to realize that working alone and not accepting help from others is starting to bite her in the ass? That was not what I expected. I really did think that Teruko was going to get worse before she got better, but maybe she's improving a lot quicker than I thought (...let's hope she doesn't backslide again though, especially if the culprit is who I think it is) Also.

If I have to live with this knowledge, so the-fuck do you. And then there's her argument with David, which I already made a post about, but I want to add onto it by saying that the performances from Swords and LuucarIi here are absolutely phenomenal. One of my favorite voice acted scenes in the entire series. I have replayed Teruko's "Hah! Based on what?!" probably around 20 times and I will repeat it 20 times more because the delivery gives me actual chills. This fangan has such an amazing voice cast oh my god it's insane.

David

Oh. You are such a broken, broken man, and you are absolutely going to go down the Simon Laurent route. I actually don't have a lot to add when it comes to David's actual motivations for his actions, I think a lot of us theorized that he was trying to kill everyone and himself. But the main thing I want to talk about is the Xander shit because oh my god this man is Down Fucking Horrendous. I mentioned all the way back in this post that David idolizes Xander just as much as Xander idolizes him. What I didn't expect was for him to still be clinging onto the hope Xander gave him and trying to follow in his footsteps, and being borderline possessive over the damn dead man. Xander may have idolized David, but David is obsessed with Xander and what he represents to him. And he is willing to ruin his reputation, reliability, and dignity in pursuit of what he thinks is right. Not to mention, it puts the Tally5 image in a whole new light.

Though I still think these words apply to the very possible revolution that David, Xander, and Mai enacted towards Hope's Peak, a theory that has become even more credible after this episode, I also think these lines portray David's thought process during his actions in CH2-11 and his motivation for doing the things that he does. David calling Xander "the only good person he's ever known" is very, very telling when you consider what he personally thinks makes someone a bad person (lazy, useless, stupid). And that makes me upset. Xander and David's relationship will never not be absolutely fascinating to me. ...alSO DAVID APPARENTLY HAS MEMORIES FROM HOPE'S PEAK??? APPARENTLY??? Like am I reading that right or do I just have bad media literacy. How...How does he??? WHY does he??? Why did he say he didn't know who Xander was in the prologue???? I am very confused and I'm sure it will all be answered. Extra Thoughts !! - we got 7:30 AM confirmation, woohoo!! And the bonus of Arei swinging when she was first found was such a good detail and I’m surprised none of us noticed it, honestly. With that confirmation, that leaves basically everyone else (minus J, David, Veronika, Hu, and Nico) in the hot-seat. - the multitude of new sprites we got were so amazing, especially David's - Apparently everything that happened in the second half of CH2-11 was in the span of two hours?! Sheesh, the editing crew on the TV show must be working overtime. Hopefully they get a paycheck and its not just MonoTV who gets paid. - If I had any doubt in my brain that Eden was the culprit it has basically dissipated with this episode. I really do not know who else it could be other than her. three of the five main suspects other than her have basically been cleared up, either through alibi (J and Hu) or though plot (Levi) David and Nico are also cleared from suspicion Though there isn't really any plot or evidence reason to necessarily exclude Rose, given her moment in CH2-8 and, let's be honest, this murder being way too physically complicated for someone as lethargic as her to commit, I'm inclined to believe she is not And every other character has something that's clearly being set up to be further explored in Chapter 3 (Charles, Whit, Ace, Arturo, and Veronika) Like... even if you don't think Eden is the culprit, you can't deny that she's the odd one out here. I still think Accomplice!Levi is true, but I also truthfully think the culprit can't be anyone other than Eden - If I were to give one I-guess critique though, not just on this episode but on the trial as a whole, it's that we are four trial episodes in and there has been very, very little focus on the actual murder mystery itself. We have barely even covered 80% of the evidence. This isn't like, a huge problem for me specifically because I very much watch DRDT for the astounding character writing over the murder mysteries, and I definitely think that the lack of focus on the case is worth the amazing character moments we got in this episode. But I can see it really bothering some people, and there's a part of me that can't help but be a bit afraid that the actual solving of the murder case is going to hit the audience with a bunch of information at once and come across as a bit rushed due to the lack of focus it's had so far. I trust that DT-Dev is cooking though, and it'll probably be a lot more cohesive once we have the full trial to look through.

Predictions for CH2-13 - Like I said before, Levi is going to become the main suspect easily thanks to his secret reveal. I know Ace is going to be on his ass especially, because in his mind it would basically confirm the image he has already conjured up of Levi in his mind as a violent brute who is going to snap his neck any second. J is also going to jump to conclusions because that's just what she does, and she was already concerned about the murderer secret to begin with. - Furthermore, I think most of this episode is going to entail Teruko trying to disprove that Levi could've been the culprit. Considering the fact that there, well, isn't much evidence to suggest he didn't, maybe this episode will feature this chapter's Random Guess minigame. - I highly doubt we're getting an AM VS PM scrum debate now, but maybe we'll get one on whether or not Levi is the culprit? Maybe? - On the topic of trial minigames, I hope we get another nonstop debate, it's been like three episodes since we've had one lmao - Nico is either going to defend Levi, or reiterate the speech that J gave them in CH2-9. Either way, I hope this reveal causes them to interact it would be so interesting - We are on a track-record of having at least one person's secret exposed every trial episode. Considering the fact that Xander and Min are dead, and I do not think Teruko's secret will come out until the end of the chapter, that really only leaves Hu and Veronika...which is interesting, as they are both in the clear for being the culprit. Hu has already had multiple moments to shine in this trial, so I think its more likely that Veronika's secret will be the one getting revealed. How that happens, I am unsure. But I think Veronika will be the next person to have her secret revealed.

Conclusion Overall, I think this episode was amazing and a great way to kick off the end of the hiatus. I can already tell that these next few weeks are going to be a wild ride for us DRDT fans, but we're all in this together, so I think everything's going to be fine (nothing is going to be fine.)

UPDATED SWEAR STATISTICS: CH2-12

UPDATED BINGO CARD

[ro994art]

Minireviews of the Bluey Minisodes

Hello everyone! Here's another one of those rare text posts from me.

As most of you may know, I'm a Bluey fan. And as all Bluey fans know, today a new batch of Bluey shorts premiered on Disney+, also known as Minisodes (or previously "Bonus Bits").

And while most fans had likely already watched these minisodes, given how they came out nearly a month before in Australia, I myself chose to wait until they were available on Disney+ to watch them, in order to save myself the hassle of looking for them online. Call me lazy if you want, but I often find it trickier than it sounds like. 😅 Especially considering how quickly those tend to get taken down.

But I digress. I was going to do this on Twitter originally, but I thought it'd be more fun and easier to express myself without a character limit here. So, since no one asked for my opinion, I'm going to give it anyways! xD

⚠️ Spoilers ahead, of course.

Here are my brief(-ish) thoughts on each of the new 7 shorts that were released.

🍔 Burger Dog

I have a soft spot for any Bluey short or episode that shows the characters dancing, particularly if they showcase new dancesteps that hadn't been shown before and that isn't flossing. I just find it really adorable and well-animated, so I enjoyed this one.

Maybe this is coming from the perspective of a non-parent, and if I ever have kids I'll have a totally different opinion, but I personally didn't find the song THAT annoying xD At least not for a first time listening to it. If it were the 15th time they'd had it on, I'd understand Bandit's position, but if it really was the first time he heard it, I would've at least let Bluey and Bingo finish the song if I were him. But again, that's just me, and it's not like what Bandit did was anything too terrible, nor am I mad at him for it. Just giving my opinion here. 😅

Oh, and the ending made me chuckle. Clever girl, Bingo. 😉😂

🤖 Bingo 3000

Not really much to say about this one, other than it was cute xD It reminded me a lot of "Daddy Robot", but with the roles reversed. Honestly, the final scene of Chili calling Bingo 3000 with her arriving super slowly because her legs are still stuck and Bandit's all "Don't get me started" was my favorite part. 😝 Overall, it was fine.

🚚 Muffin Unboxing

DEFINITELY my favorite out of this batch xD Muffin may not be my favorite character, but she is definitely the most entertaining one, and I always love seeing her show up because you just KNOW some hilarious chaos is about to ensue. 🤣

What can I say? This minisode was classic Muffin from beginning to end. Her having a toy review channel just makes too much sense and I never knew I needed it until now xD Something else I loved about this one was seeing Stripe's poor video editing skills once again, with him leaving in parts of the recording that were definitely meant to remain on the cutting floor. 😂 Very "Bumpy and the Wise Old Wolfhound," which is amongst my favorite episodes, so you know I loved seeing it.

And of course, I can't stop mentioning and appreciating Socks, my favorite, getting a cute little cameo at the end, and getting at least one line! AAAH! She's always so cute, I love Rock-Socks, you do you babygirl :'3 (And the ending was hilarious of course xD Again, classic Muffin)

I want to petition Ludo Studio to make a "Muffin's Toys" shorts series where we see Muffin parodying various types of YouTube Kids videos. Like, imagine Muffin doing challenges or a DIY? I feel like we need that. At least I do. 😜

📄 Letter

I liked this one quite a lot as well. Always love seeing tidbits of the parents' childhoods. And even though this wasn't on the same levels as "Fairytale" or "Dragon" when it comes to flashbacks or revelations, it was still pretty sweet to watch.

Little Bandit's spellings made me chuckle xD I also weirdly like how it was revealed that he used to have a bird, mostly because it reminded me of a few pet birds my grandma had when I was little. I got a bit worried that Chris was going to get sad or offended about Bandit's comment on her cooking, but glad she took it with humor. 😜

I know Bandit never really liked his artstyle, but honestly, I find it kind of charming and cute. And pretty good for a five-year-old. 😉

🍴 Hungry

Another one that was just okay for me, personally. I mean, Bandit playing like this with the girls and making them laugh is always adorable to watch. And the dad jokes were strong with this one. A lot of people are probably not going to like the gross humor, but eh, it honestly doesn't bother me.

So yeah, this was classic Bandit. I think that's all I have to say. 😅

🐷 Three Pigs

Since "Cinderella" was one of my favorites of the original batch of Bonus Bits, I had high hopes for this one. And well, I won't say that I was disappointed, because I wasn't really. I just didn't enjoy it as much as "Cinderella", mostly because this one felt a LOT more fast-paced, and I was having a hard time keeping up with Bandit's story at one point. Mmmh, is the duration of this shorter than "Cinderella"? I'll have to check it out, but I don't think it is, which makes the fact that it felt so much more fast-paced kind of interesting. 😅 Maybe he just spoke more, I guess.

It was still pretty fun. Bandit naming two pigs after the girls was cute, and sending the other one away to make things easier for himself was really funny. 😝 I wish I had his improv skills, not gonna lie. 😅 As a little side-note, I'm a bit surprised Disney didn't change or omit the "It's against my religion" line.

But yeah. Didn't like it as much as I would've liked, but still a good time.

🍃 Animals

I think this might be my second favorite out of these new shorts. Keep in mind that I was raised by a single mother, so as much as I love Bandit, I'm always going to have a soft spot for episodes that focus on Chilli hanging out with the girls in some way. 🥹

I don't know, I just found the game really cute for some reason. 🧡 It's so simple, and pretty much just an excuse to tickle Bingo in different ways, but I like how creative they got for each animal's walk. And from a character design standpoint, it made a lot of sense to make Bingo's back a "field". Like, for some reason, that made me chuckle, I don't know xD These dogs are so cubical, it felt logical, LOL.

Chilli's games have always been lot more, well, chill than Bandit's xD But I've always been a calm kid, and once again, they remind me of things my own mom and I used to play, so they resonate with me. Despite the surprising ending, this minisode was just very sweet. 😊

Final thoughts:

Even though there wasn't really anything that extraordinary about these minisodes, one must keep in mind that they're not really meant to be compared to the regular Bluey episodes, which themselves have set a pretty high standard. These are just bite-sized, mostly slice-of-life little adventures to keep us interested in these characters in-between seasons. I've always been a lover of simple slice-of-life stories when characters I love are involved, and I love these characters a great deal, so I'll always like seeing them in any capacity, especially in official productions.

I do wish we could get a few shorts of other secondary characters such as Bluey's school friends, Bingo's school friends, the neighbors, or even Rad and Frisky. But I do think more of these are coming, especially considering that some of the stills that have been released as promos (such as Chilli measuring the girls or them arriving at Nana's house and Grandpa Bob being there) didn't appear in any of these. So I have no doubt we'll be getting more minisode batches soon, and hopefully, other characters will make appearances similarly to how they did in the first Bonus Bits.

Any Bluey content is always a win for me, so I'm happy we got these. 💙

[thefireflyreader]

I posted 2,003 times in 2022

That's 422 more posts than 2021!

20 posts created (1%)

1,983 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@gffa

@pool--guy

@beardedmrbean

@alamogirl80

@agreekdemigod

I tagged 36 of my posts in 2022

#star wars - 18 posts

#commander cody - 15 posts

#codywan - 13 posts

#obi wan kenobi - 12 posts

#star wars the clone wars - 11 posts

#tcw - 8 posts

#captain rex - 5 posts

#clone oc - 5 posts

#codywan fic - 5 posts

#codywanbingo - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 119 characters

#like i know i know i’ve literally worked i know in the work place like. shit happens whatever we figure it out together

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

FINALLY A BINGO!

Codywan Fluff Bingo here!

I just realized that I didn't post the cards for this one or the last one, so I'll edit it later and add them. But it's like 1:45 am here and I have a busy day tomorrow and Saturday. But please enjoy!

@codywanbingo

8 notes - Posted September 2, 2022

#4

Final Fill! Bingo

Alright, here's the last one I'll be posting to the collection. Will continue my personal series with the other prompts eventually. This one is rated M.

RATED M.

@codywankissbingo @codywanbingo

See the full post

9 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

#3

Ant?!? I need to know more 🥺🤲

Oh! There's so little but so much. Ant likes bugs, especially ants. Because he was the "runt" of his batch, and then he learned that ants can lift between 10-50 times their body weight. So he wants to be like ants. He's a bit nerdy and quiet. At the end of the war, he is only 2 (physically four) years old. In fluffy timelines, he gets adopted by Cody and Obi-wan. I haven't decided what happens in less fluffy timelines.

9 notes - Posted July 21, 2022

#2

My First Codywan Kiss Bingo Fill

12 notes - Posted July 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

An Anakin Deep Dive

So this is going to be mostly things that are from canon/legends. I will mention headcanons that I have, but I'll admit they are headcanons. Might have spoilers for the Kenobi show. I'll see if after I finish typing this up that still applies. Reason for this post. Well, I feel like people talk very negatively about Anakin, which has only been made a bit worse by the Kenobi show. And I think people forget some things about him. Anakin's timeline:

Birth to 2: He was a slave with an abusive master. Now most people assume he doesn't remember this. However, there is a novel about Vader (I believe it's just called Vader) that actually implies he does remember some of this.

2-9: He was given to Watto. Or well won by Watto. Now Watto was not a horrible master by any means. However, Anakin was still a slave. He was not free. This next part is more speculation than canon/legends, but what are the chances Anakin knew how to read or write? He may have known basic math since Watto was a shop owner and he may have handled customers.

(Also I don't believe him when he says he's not afraid of the chip blowing him up. You're nine.)

9-18/19: He's a Padawan with Obi-wan. We don't know much about this time period. Because even the extend universe novels about him as a padawan happen shortly after he gets to the temple and right before he's knighted during the clone wars. However, expanding on the reading/writing thing mentioned earlier, if he knew to read/write, it was because Shmi taught him, but she was an slave from being a young girl (Age not specified), so there's a good chance she didn't know either. Either way, Anakin would have been miles behind his fellow peers within the Jedi Order. He was immediately accepted as a Padawan, which people may have been jealous of. Although, considering Obi-wan had just been knighted, this may not be as bad as if someone like Master Windu had taken him.

There are three things we know Anakin is good at: flying, mechanics, and sparring. However, sparring is the only one of those things Obi-wan trained him in.

19: He marries Padme and is immediately thrown into the Clone Wars.

19-22/23: Clone Wars, where some events were made to directly affects Anakin's relationship with his friends.

Umbara: Rex was either supposed to die or lose trust in Anakin. Anakin was pulled away by the Chancellor for reasons we don't know and nothing seemed to happen that would warrant him leaving the 501st.

Wrong Jedi: Ahsoka leaves the Order, because they kicked her out because she was accused of something she didn't do. There really wasn't much of an apology from the Jedi in terms of that, so double whammy. Ahsoka leaves, so Anakin loses some of his support and he is mad at the Jedi.

Hardeen: Name one reason it had to be Obi-wan that went undercover. The bounty hunter needed to have esteem by killing someone well known? Okay, and? It's literally Vos's job to do this kind of undercover work. Also, there was no reason Anakin couldn't have been informed after the mission started, because he would need the raw emotions. Also why was he allowed to go after "Hardeen?"

22/23: Anakin fell to the Dark side, partially due to manipulation from Palpatine, the Jedi mishandling him at times, and his own struggles with his emotions.

My main point is that people seem to forget about the trauma Anakin went through and also that he was only 22 maybe 23 when he fell to the dark side. He wasn't an adult who had his life together. He was at war while still a teenage. Yes, 19 while considered an adult is still a teenager. His brain wasn't even fully developed when he fell. My dad likes to tell me all the time that the frontal cortex, where processing consequences happens, doesn't fully develop until you're 26.

He was mishandled a bit by the Jedi. It felt, at times, that the Jedi were treating him as if he had been in the temple his whole life, especially in ROTS, where he speaks to Yoda about his nightmares of losing Padme. He goes to ask for help and is basically told to let it go. Also, in the few novels about Anakin's time as Obi-wan's padawan, he continuously struggles with Obi-wan's teaching style. And to me, it boils down to a difference in love language. Anakin seems to thrive off words of affirmation, and maybe a little bit of touch, while Obi-wan seems to use and react better to acts of service. Obi-wan tends to show Anakin he is proud of him or that he loves him, when Anakin needs him to tell him. (And I can go on another long rant about why Obi-wan is the way he is. Specifically how Qui-Gon screwed him up.)

17 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[memegalialost]

"onimai: i am now your sister" thread reposting

date of posting originally: june 23 2023:current series im watching 6/10 but on thin fucking ice

date of posting originally: june 25 2023:im on episode 5/12 and well heres the review 7/10 i swear if this ends up like grisaia ima be actually livid date of posting originally: june 26 2023: {bon jovi halfway there} why is it getting more uncomfortable when im halfway through just like grisaia everything else is still fine but theres been 3 moments where my reaction is just "tf2 spy ah piss voiceline" i hate it here. oh yeah the review for up to episode 6 6/10 and yes i have to finish it now because im halfway through

date of posting originally: june 27 2023:episode 7 6.5/10 its fine but getting weird, sometimes my reaction is just

date of posting: june 28 2023:me when i get the people who wrote 2/3 of the last shows ive watched to completion 6/10 we got piss we got a scene i dont want to talk about because anything other than the full scene would sound weird and we got a character shipping the rest of the friend group together

its a fucking bingo this series

date of posting: june 29 2023:ill be honest ive had an epiphany, ive been viewing this series with the same view as the grisaia trilogy when i need to see it as seperate, and realize that the good scenes arent made worse by the bad scenes, its genuinely a good show when it isnt being weird, 8/10 because still weird scenes will be weird scenes so i still have to dock points off due to that

date of posting:june 30 2023: episode ten was good honestly 8/10 so far on the series and if any episode based on the title was gonna fuck up the changed views i posted yesterday it was gonna be this one so yeah i think we are heading towards this being 8 maybe even 9/10

date of posting:july 1 2023:Episode 11/12 9/10 got some really funny moments and just generallya good time orher than the weird sections which i just see as weird sections seperate from the rest of the series and apparently the source mats didnt have them so if thats true then it can def be 10/10

date of posting: july 2 2023:episode 12/12 i can finally reveal what ive been watching for the past 2 weeks, series name is Onimai: I'm Now Your Sister! weird title i know but it honestly was a good watch, it has its weird moments obviously because of course it fucking does but over all it isnt bogged down by them like grisaia was, it was just an overall enjoyable watch, main character is a shut in who has basically wasted his life and feels like he isnt good enough due to his sister being extremely smart and skipping grades and shit, his sister caring about him decides to start what is basically a rehabilitation program but since itd be weird with people already knowing him she changes him into a girl which i know some people would fucking love, granted it was without consent so idk how legal that is the gender switch isnt explored much outside of the main character getting used to their new body which is roughly the first 2 episodes, it has some good comedy and some really heartwarming moments, if you want to watch then go do it but watch the censored version since, well i mean some of the characters are in fucking middle school so i dont fucking know why theres an uncensored version and i dont even want to think about what is in there, but getting past that now we get into spoilers for the last couple episodes so if you want to watch it then do it before finishing the thread the last episode is a spring break vacation episode and the drug mcs sister uses starts wearing off and people start noticing but only one person is really suspicious of it, it ends with the mc having to make a choice, stay with their new friends and new life, or go back to the way things were before, he ends up choosing to keep things going because he is much happier with their new life, overall id say this series is a 9/10 and i would 80% recommend to watch because ik its not for everyone

anime thread

this is where im putting my entire anime review thread this will include summer of 2022 and 2023 since twitter is bad and cringe. idk how to make threads on here so im just copying and pasting everything onto a single post if i cant make threads

will have a seperate thread for the grisaia shit because thats like 600 posts on its own

[alittledizzy]

I want to hear everything about your trip! Where you went in London, your thoughts about London, what you thought of Dan's show, highlights, emotional moments, food, shopping, everything!

This feels overwhelming to answer but I'm gonna anyway before I forget things.

The highlight of my whole trip was just getting to meet people. I loved London so much, and I love Dan so much, but there's such an emotional high of connecting with people that you've known online and never thought you'd get to actually meet. The day of Dan's show we did a meetup in Hyde Park and the turnout was so great!! We gave everyone black and orange landyards (@ahappydnp's brilliant idea) and plied people with snacks and @calvinahobbes made phannie bingo that we all had to talk to each other to play and it was perfect for getting people mingling. If I listed all of the people that I was excited to meet here then this post would be way too long and the links would probably start to break but trust me, if you were there, then I was so delighted to see you. There are a couple people I wanted to have conversations with that I didn't end up talking that much too but I really tried to at least have a few minutes with everyone. (And some of them even let me talk them into hanging out with us more the next day :D @heartsopenminds.)

The meet and greet with Dan was... it was? I don’t know words. It just was. (In the best way possible.) I had a nice little moment with him and took an instant photo and then he also offered to do one on my phone. Oh, and he got a bag of American goodies to take back home too and the first words out of his mouth were, “Phil is going to eat this.” so I’m just gonna enjoy that in my roughly hundred and twenty seconds of dedicated Dan time I invoked a Phil mention. 

Dan's show: amazing. More emotional than I expected. I don't want to post any spoilers so I guess I'll leave it at that, but truly great. I liked the preshow best though. Just Dan sitting there absolutely chill answering question after question? It was like the least anxiety inducing version of a liveshow ever. He talked about Phil freely in it, too. I mean he didn't say anything super exciting or groundbreaking but the casual mentions were plentiful.

On Saturday we did a whole day of recreating the Day in the Life tour (bit of the original London one, but of the Festive DITL) and the process went through such cool parts of London so it was the perfect blend of phannie-specific sight seeing and actual sight seeing. We got boba in Chinatown, we went by the Astrology Shop, we saw Covent Garden, Trafalgar Square, Hyde Park. We shopped in Forbidden Planet. There's more I'm forgetting. It was literally a seven hour tour, it was fucking brilliant. So many props to Emma for guiding us through it all.

(I even got to take a picture with @spaceisviolent in front of the Capital Radio studios. I mean, Jimmy wasn't there, but it still felt right.)

I got chips and got to try halloumi (which isn't something you find where I'm from in the US) and then later that night a smaller group of us (airbnb roomies plus @europeansoul and @kavat, and let it be known I did not want to allow either of them to leave) ordered a bunch of Indian to make our own little tasting menu and the whole night was just hours and hours of sitting around talking about Dan and Phil and fandom stuff and other fandoms and I could live in moments like that forever, really.

Sunday was more chill and very full of delicious food. Me, @ahappydnp, @irrationalqueer, and @blackbearddan had reservations for afternoon tea. We killed some time beforehand walking along the river and drinking coffee and it was such a nice, chill time. The food was fucking amazing during the tea and I finally got to try clotted cream and the desserts were good and our view was good and the entire experience was 10/10 even if I felt disgustingly full afterward.

I also got to see some dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum, which was brief but I thoroughly enjoyed, and after that I got to experience one of the most random and amazing moments of the trip. I met Amy in Glee fandom in 2012 and we used to email back and forth for literal years and have still kept in touch in a way that's pretty special to me, even if we don't talk regularly. She's not from England but she somehow happened to be in London at the same time I was and we got to hang out for not nearly enough time but it was still just SO fucking cool. It was the icing on a very magical feeling cake of a weekend. And then we had vegan asian food which was just fucking delicious and I slept in Judy Garland's actual bed.

I'm gonna be honest and say I'm not great at telling people (even in fandom, even my friends) that I care about them, and I won't pretend that Dan and Phil's fandom has always been a pleasant experience for me. But there are good people here and a good community, even if you sometimes have to fight your way to it, and getting this kind of connection just meant a lot to me. People like missemma and @europeansoul that I've known basically since I came into this fandom, and some people I've just started talking to this past year or so. Thank you especially to @ahappydnp but also just to everyone because this was my first time out of the US, much less to England, and it really couldn't have felt any more special and that's down to what I was there to do and who I was there to see.

Anyway. I wanna do it again, when can I do it again.

[cjsinkythoughts]

In Need of a Breath

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 4007

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Zemo, Feelings, Another PTSD Flashback

A/N: So…Part 4 is going to have a couple parts to it. Maybe even three. I didn’t even make it half way through the episode on this one, mainly because I really wanted to fit in the Reader’s backstory and I wanted her and Sam to have a heart-to-heart again. I’m suuuuper tired, so I probably won’t be posting the next part for another few hours (it’s 5 am right now and I haven’t slept), BUT it’s my day off work and I won’t be doing anything I planned because my grandmother had a stroke a couple days ago so plans have changed and I’m staying in to help her, meaning I’ll mostly be writing all day. 

This Part is kind of a mix between off-screen and shot-by-shots, but it’s mostly off screen/what’s going on inside Reader’s head.

I’m really excited about future parts and the characters that are being introduced! I will say that after these parts, I will be doing one shots of previous MCU movies with the Reader, due to the information that is being given about the Reader now. You kind of see more of how she was affected/how she affected the previous MCU movies and what she was doing during that time.

Like always, this hasn’t been beta’d, again it’s SUPER early in the morning, and I’m really tired, so please excuse any mistakes! I hope you guys enjoy this part! Stay tuned for more to come later today!

FATWS MASTERLIST

cjsinkythoughts MASTERLIST

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

“You know…I’m really starting to regret saying yes to this.” You huffed out, craning your neck and squinting your eyes against the sun as you stare at the facility in front of you, hating the skin-crawling feeling of being back.

“Would you relax? Whenever you’re nervous, I get nervous, and I don’t wanna be nervous about this.” Sam shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“Do either of you have a better plan?” Bucky grumbled, crossing his arms.

Gnawing on your lips, you finally take the lead and breathe out, “alright. Let’s go then.” You could feel the hesitance from your - what were they? Partners? Coworkers? Teammates? - the fellas before they started after you.

There was a sick twist in your gut as you entered the building, going through the lobby and security.

You had been there.

You had been there when Zemo impersonated Bucky. You had been there when Zemo unleashed the Winter Soldier at the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre Building in Berlin. You had been there during the battle at the airport. You had been there when Zemo turned Tony and Steve against each other in Siberia. You had been there when Zemo tore the Avengers from the inside out. Your family. The only family you’d ever known.

But you’d always been good about pushing your personal feelings aside for the sake of the mission. It’s what you’d been born to do. All you ever knew.

“Hey. Doll. You hear me?”

“Hmm. What?” You looked up from the ground to look into those enchanting blue oceans Bucky had for eyes, staring worriedly down at you, eyebrows pinched and forehead creased.

“I’m going in alone.” You frowned, opening your mouth to argue, but he shook his head. “Sam already agreed-”

“I didn’t necessarily agree-”

“You’re an Avenger, sweetheart.” Bucky tilted his head, speaking softly, those eyes of his worried. Worried for you. It made your stomach flip. “And you were there in Siberia, and that almost makes it worse. Especially considering you went after him. Just…just let me do this, okay?”

You cracked your knuckles nervously as you thought. It was a terrible idea. But it was an idea. And it was all they had. “Okay.” You finally relented, shrugging as your hands hit your thighs and slid up to your hips. “But don’t do anything stupid.”

“Steve took all that with him.”

Knowing about their little inside joke, you scoffed. “Sure he did. Go before I change my mind.”

You watched him walk down the hallway, hands fidgeting with excess nerves. “I think you’re the only one he actually seeks approval from.”

“Good thing I’m so lenient then, huh?” You joked, turning to Sam with a strained smile. Your smile slipped at the curious expression on Sam’s face, his eyes darting to each of your features. “What?”

“Are you doing okay?”

You groaned, throwing your head back. You thought you got out of talking about your feelings back in Baltimore. “Oh my God, Sam-”

“I’m serious. You…you just don’t seem like yourself.”

You shook your head, looking down the hall to where Bucky disappeared before turning back to him. It was weird to have a self that people recognized. Your whole life you’d been searching for it and when you finally found it…everything went to shit. “Honestly, Sammy, the only time I’ve ever felt like myself was with the team. Zemo took that away from me and now we’re here, practically begging him for help.”

Sam hummed, leaning against the wall. “Have you thought of taking a break?”

“What?”

“A break.” At your bewildered look, he rolled his eyes. “Cher, this time last year most of us were dead. This time a few months ago you found out about Wanda. This time last week you were out looking for her. Maybe you should just stop and take a breather.”

Shoving your hands in your pocket and looking at the floor, you couldn’t help but snort at his advice. “I haven’t taken a breather since I was eighteen.”

He clicked his tongue. “That’s my point. FBI academy as soon as you graduated. SHIELD recruit by 21, undercover operations leader by 24? Slow down. You’re in your thirties. Next thing you know, you’re gonna be ninety something, lying on your deathbed, wishing you had stopped to smell the roses.”

“If I live to be ninety, shoot me.” He chuckled in amusement. “I’m so fucking serious, Sam. I will not be put in an old folks home to play Bingo and be pushed around in a wheelchair. It ain’t happening.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” There was that infectious smile, which you unconsciously grinned back at. “Y/N…I’m serious. You’ve been in and out of missions since you were a teenager. What’s the shortest undercover operation you’ve done?”

“I dunno.”

He gave you an unimpressed look. “Yeah you do.”

Licking your lips, you turned away and shrugged. “A couple months. Seven weeks and three days, to be precise. September to October in 2012.”

“And the longest?”

“August 2007 to May 2009. Twenty one months.” 

Letting out a puff of air through his nose, Sam pushed himself off the wall and caught your chin between his fingers to make you look at him. “That’s nearly two years under cover. And I’m sure you went right back under after-”

“I was sitting at a desk for four months doing paperwork on it.” You defended yourself.

He shook his head, brows knitting together, lips drawn down. “You say that as if four months is enough time.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Sammy. I’m out. I’ve been out since Ultron and Sokovia. I haven’t been under in almost a decade-”

“A decade half the world was dead for half of-”

“I wasn’t!”

“I never said you were.” Sam sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. You were always amazed at his ability to keep his emotions in check. To stay cool under pressure. Sometimes you forgot how experienced he was with dealing with other people’s trauma. It was no wonder why Steve thought he’d be good for Bucky. “Listen. All I’m saying is once this is done…don’t go diving back into searching for Wanda. Don’t go running to the kid every time he calls - and I know you’ve been doing that-”

“It’s just been homework and stuff-”

“Y/N.” You stopped, biting your lip at the stern look he gave you. “Go home. Order take out. Binge watch TV. Go for a jog through the park. Actually meet your neighbors. Go grocery shopping. Just…live. If only for a couple weeks. Don’t worry about anyone else. Don’t pick up the phone, don’t drop everything because someone needs you. You need you.”

“I-I…” You shook your head, looking at him, sincerely apologetic. “I can’t. I wish I could. But I can’t. I’ve never had one normal day in my life. I’ve never had someone to care for, never had someone to care for me. I can’t let people I’ve come to…I can’t let them think I don’t care. I don’t even know where I’d go.”

“Whaddya mean?”

You winced, not thrilled for his reaction to your next statement. “I, uh, I sold my apartment in D.C.”

He gaped at you in complete disbelief. “You got it in December!”

“I know, I know. I liked it. I really did, but…I dunno. Nomadic life has always suited me better. It’s what I grew up with.”

He took a breath, making you cringe again. You don’t think you’ve ever legitimately gotten on his nerves like this before. “Have you ever thought that, instead of going with the flow and jumping place to place, putting down roots might actually help?” He cut you off before you could say anything, holding up a finger to stop you from talking. “I can’t imagine going from foster home to foster home like you did. I can’t imagine not having a home for as long as you can remember. Louisiana’s my home. Always has, always will be. But I understand your life has been anything but stable. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why you need some stability.”

You clenched your jaw, crossing your arms. “The Avengers were my stability. Steve was my stability.”

“Because you loved him.”

“I’m not doing this with you again.” You turned to walk down to the lobby to wait for Bucky there, but Sam caught your arm.

“You were in love with him! It’s okay! You two were super close! No one would blame you! Why won’t you just admit it? I’m trying to understand! Why won’t you-”

You tugged your arm away, finally snapping at him. “Because he could never be mine, Wilson! Is that what you wanna hear?!” Sam took a step back at your exclamation. You closed your eyes, swallowing the lump in your throat and pushing down the tears. “He could preach all he wanted about moving forwards, Sammy, but we all knew he was stuck in the past. He visited the museum every Thursday because her interview showed in his exhibit on Thursdays. He carried around that broken compass because her picture was in it.” You looked back up at him sadly, shrugging. “And I get it; it’s hard to move past your first love. I get it because…that’s what he was to me.”

There was a silence that blanketed the hallway, before he spoke up hesitantly. “What about Bucky?”

“I thought - I thought I was projecting my feelings for Steve onto him because I knew Steve couldn’t ever…”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You thought? What do you think now?”

You cleared your throat. “I’m still figuring that one out.”

“If you ever need to talk, I’ll be here.”

You chuckled, nodding slightly towards him. “Back atcha. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not being yourself lately, either.”

“It’s…a tough topic.”

You nodded in understanding. “Just know that I’ll support every decision you make as long as you think it’s the right one. Because I trust you. Steve trusted you. It’s all we can do to try to do what’s right. That’s what makes you a good man, Sammy. He gave you that shield for a reason, and if you think what you did was right…I’ll stand by it.”

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, calming down in each other’s presences and taking comfort knowing you’d be there for each other through thick and thin. “Thank you, cher.”

“Of course, Sammy. Now let’s go see what’s taking the old grump so long.”

He laughed at that, nodding in agreement, taking your offered hand and squeezing it as you made your way down the hall.

****************

“What?”

Bucky eyed you as you spluttered, coughing on the water you were drinking. “Please don’t choke, doll.”

“Break him out of jail?!” You repeated his words and blinked at him, absolutely baffled by his plan. “Oh my God.” You groaned as Bucky and Sam started arguing, moving your flashlight around the room. “Where the hell are we?” There was no response as they kept going back and forth.

“Zemo’s gonna mess with our minds! Especially yours! No offense.”

“Heelllloooo!” You tried again. “Where the hell are we?!”

Bucky turned on the lights, giving Sam a look. “Offense.” Glancing at you he quirked an eyebrow. “Stop worrying your pretty lil’ head, sweetheart. You trust me, dontcha?” Your breath hitched at his words. You quickly recovered, huffing and pouting - although you’d deny ever pouting - and crossing your arms. You stood between the guys like that, eyes darting to whoever was speaking, waiting for them to stop so you could actually think.

“Look. Let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?”

You and Sam exchanged glances. “What did you do?”

“I…didn’t do…anything.” Bucky shrugged.

“How is it that you, one of the most deadliest assassins basically ever, are one of the worst liars I know.” You tilted your head at him, an eyebrow quirking up in confusion.

“Shush it you. Just, okay. The weakest point in any system isn’t the software, the hardware, it’s the meatware. The human element.”

The more you listened to Bucky’s “hypothetical”, the stronger the gut feeling telling you this was a terrible terrible idea got. You brought your hands up to your head, eyes wide as he spoke.

“I don’t like how casual you’re bein’ about this. This is unnatural.”

You couldn’t help but agree with Sam’s words, your head falling back and your eyes closing. “Sweet Jesus. Listen, God, I know we don’t talk much these days, but please, please don’t let this not be a hypothetical. I’m fucking begging you.”

A noise to your right made your head snap over. “Oh hell to the fucking no!” You shook your head as Zemo himself walked in, wearing a prison guards uniform. “Uh-uh! No way! Bucky, this was not part of the plan!”

“What did you do?!”

“We need him!”

“You’re going back to prison.”

“If I may-”

All three of you faced him, simultaneously shouting, “no!”

You held your face in your hands as your head dropped, shaking back and forth, your eyes squeezing shut, tuning them out for just a minute to think. Bucky had a point. The enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that, and the Avengers were technically disbanded, which was Zemo’s whole objective in the first place, but…God. You were good at compartmentalizing, but not that much. You were willing to put your feelings aside for the mission so Bucky could talk to him. Not for you to work with him. But he had connections, you knew he did, and he had information…

“Doll?” You looked up, Bucky anxiously licking his lips as he met your gaze. “I need you to say something.”

You looked to Sam, who shrugged, gesturing to Zemo. “What do you think?”

What did you think? What did you think?! You thought that it was the worst idea in the history of ideas and you should turn back and find another way! But…you knew this was the fastest, probably most reliable way to get information that you needed.

Dammit, since when were you the deciding factor?

You sucked in a breath, looking over Sam’s shoulder at Zemo, who lifted his hand in greeting. You raised your eyes to the ceiling, pointing your finger accusingly. “This is why we stopped talking.” Gaze dropping to the still waiting fellas, you gnawed on your lip, before hissing out, “ffffine…” Running a hand through your hair, you threw your hands up as you shrugged. “Fine. Okay. Fine.”

“Okay.” Sam nodded, taking charge again.

You couldn’t believe this was happening. Except, that was a lie. You could. You’d seen weirder. You’d experienced the impossible. Lived through the unbelievable. This…this was completely imaginable.

Which is why, with a lot of hesitation and very little confidence in this plan, you followed Zemo through the auto shop you were in until you reached a large room with a ton of different old cars.

Bucky’s hand found yours as Zemo explained what the plan was, rather vaguely, in your opinion, but at least he was explaining. Point for him. Not that it would make up for the level of distrust you held for him, but it was something.

You looked up at him, giving him a puzzling frown. He usually only grabbed your hand in front of other people when he was feeling anxious. Which, yeah, he had a right to be anxious right now, but it wasn’t the right kind. The type of anxiety caused by large crowds and loud noises, ones that startled him and threw him into a defensive mode.

But the look on his face made you squeeze his hand in reassurance. He was pouting, staring at you although he did something wrong - a puppy that tore up a pillow - and all you wanted to do was give him a hug.

“You’re mad at me.” He mumbled as the four of you headed out with Zemo in the lead.

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah you are. 

“Bucky, I’m not mad.”

“Listen, if I had a better idea I wouldn’t-”

You brought your linked hands up to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his gloved knuckles. “I’m not mad.” You repeated more firmly. “It’s just…a lot for me, right now.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on, Buck, I-I just…” You thought about your and Sam’s earlier conversation and suddenly understood what he meant. “I need to breathe for a second.”

His features twisted into ones of uncertainty, eyes squinting as you stepped outside. “Do you…do you wanna leave?”

You shook your head, tugging his arm to stop him and grabbing the sunglasses on his collar, slipping them over his eyes. “No. I just need some time to think. Hopefully the plane ride to wherever the hell we’re going will give me that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, James. I’m sure.”

He lowered the glasses on his nose to scan you over the frames, before nodding and sliding them back up. “Okay. You ready for this, then?”

“No.” You breathed, turning back to where Zemo and Sam were still walking. “Let’s do this.”

*****************

Climbing onto the private jet, you raised an eyebrow at Sam, who shrugged, giving you a bemused expression. A Baron…huh…who knew? You feel like you should’ve, yet there you were.

You sat besides Bucky, across from Zemo, crossing your legs and leaning back while staring at him through narrowed eyes.

His butler seemed nice, which made you even more suspicious. You obviously didn’t know as much about Zemo as you wanted to. It was a habit you picked up after years of undercover work; once the mission was complete, that was that. There was no looking back on it. No sitting on it. It was over and you moved onto the next one. It was a bad habit in cases like this.

The moment you spotted the notebook over Zemo’s book you knew something was going to happen, yet you still flinched when Bucky lunged at him, grabbing his throat. You leaned back in your seat again, steadying your now racing heartbeat. You decided you were too tense, trying to relax your muscles as Bucky sat back down in his seat.

“I’ve seen that book. It was Steve’s when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man. He wrote it in that book.” Sam seemed so proud of himself that something he recommended was written in Steve’s little book and it made you smile.

You remembered that; Steve and you were supposed to meet up for coffee after his run, but Fury called him in so you rescheduled it for when he got back. He asked you about Marvin Gaye. For your opinion. You told him to check it out and make his own.

You remembered asking him about that little notebook of his, and he just shrugged you off telling you about his list. He would read items off to you, but he never let you read the book yourself. You never found out why, and you supposed you never would now. The thought made an ache behind your ribs that you’d come to familiarize yourself with appear.

You smiled a little more as Zemo and Sam told Bucky how awesome Marvin Gaye was. “C’mon, baby. Back me up.”

Chuckling, you looked at Bucky. “They’re not wrong. But,” you quickly added before Bucky could whine at you, facing Sam again. “Neither is Buck. I mean, c’mon. You can’t find music like the 40’s anymore. Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Benny Goodman, Fred Astaire. Ol’ Blue Eyes himself.”

“Thank you.” Bucky grinned at Sam, who rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay. But, I mean, c’mon! Everybody loves Marvin Gaye.”

“I like Marvin Gaye.”

“Steve adored Marvin Gaye.”

Your face fell as Zemo started talking about Steve and icons and Red Skull, your mind once again slipping away from reality.

~

“Kids love you.” You giggled as you finally made it out of his exhibit. You’d wanted to show it to him since he moved to D.C., and you’d finally got an opportunity after coming back from being undercover for ten weeks. “You’re their hero, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just trying to do what’s right.”

You nudged him, scoffing at his answer. “You’re too humble. You’re a national icon, you know.”

Steve shrugged, looking around the museum at the planes surrounding them. “I never wanted to be.”

“Why not? Everyone loves you.”

“I’m sure not everyone loves me.” He rolled his eyes. “And…I just wanted to help. To fight. Protect my country and the people I cared about. I-I didn’t ask for…all that.” He waved behind his shoulder where his exhibit was getting smaller with each step they took away. “People were dying. Bullies were winning.”

You shook your head, spinning and walking backwards besides him to face him. “Sure, but you did that. And you became someone people could look up to in the process.”

He narrowed his eyes at you before asking, “why do you do what you do?”

“...because I’m good at it?”

“Honey.” He gave you a look. “Answer the question.”

You hummed in thought. “Because I couldn’t stand by, knowing there would be orphaned kids if I didn’t help any way I could.”

“Alright. Why do you do it in the dark?”

“Whaddya mean?”

He shrugged. “Why don’t you come out and take credit for all the lives you’ve saved?”

“Because that’s not why I do it. I don’t want that attention. I just want to know I’ve helped people. I’ve kept them safe.”

He gave you a soft smile. “I just wanted to beat the bully. I never wanted to be a dancing monkey, too.” You looked at him in a new light then, understanding where he was coming from. “Watch out, honey!” He grabbed you and pulled you aside before you could crash into a wall, arms wrapped firmly around your waist. He gave you that charming smile of his. “Wouldn’t want you hurting that pretty lil’ head of yours, now would we?”

~

“Y/N!”

You snapped back into the conversation, moving your eyes from the window to Bucky, who tilted his head, eyebrows pinched and eyes narrowed. “Sorry. So, Madripoor. That’s a fun place.”

You ignored the side eyed glances Bucky and Sam exchanged, Sam turning to you curiously. “You’ve been?”

“Once. Back in 2010 for a few months”

Zemo raised his eyebrows. “You’re lucky to have gotten out.”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “Lucky, maybe. Skills were a part of it, too, though.”

“Good.” Zemo nodded. “Because we’re going undercover…and if we blow it. We’re dead.”

You breathed out, shaking your memory away and getting your head back into the game. Because like the man you were severely wary of in front of you said, if you blew this, you were dead. And, sure, you didn’t want to live until ninety, but you weren’t even half way there yet. So dammit if you were going to die soon.

“Hey.” You looked over at Bucky’s murmur, his head tilting as he grabbed your hand and pulled you from your seat closer to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Are you okay? You know you’re going to have to be-”

“I know.” He nodded. You watched his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed thickly. “I’ll be fine. Just…tell me right now if you need to step out for this one.”

You gave him a smile that you knew he didn’t buy, just by the slight narrowing of his eye, his lips pressing together. “No. No, I’m good for this. If you think I’m gonna let you two idiots go into Madripoor with him - alone - oil that cyborg brain of yours, because there’s no way.”

He squeezed your hand, eyes still filled with uncertainty. “Are you sure?”

“If there’s even a slight possibility that I can protect you, then yeah. I’m sure, Buckaroo.”

[keyofradiance]

an analysis on yazs issues with connections, trust, and (possible) abandonment bc i cant stop thinking about it:

this was supposed to be just an analysis abt her in just one scene, but i am not normal so its way longer now

aka the yasmina fadoula is NOT good at relationships with people long post. its long as hell and less of a post and more of an ordeal. also i bolded the dialogue if its not by yaz. youre welcome to add on to the post, esp in the miscellaneous sections. spoilers for all seasons under the cut

yasmina fadoula is a bit of a loner. of course we dont get to really see this a lot beyond s1 as they bond a lot after that lol. but i would like outline two scenes in particular. weve seen this less than social expressed before in the season (the part where brook tries to film her comes to mind) but i would like to firstly mention the scene where sammy first tries to talk to her. when first mentioned in the episode, yaz is a distance away from the rest of the campers, drawing (this most likely just for plot reasons, but i find it interesting how shes with them but not hanging out. together but isolated). in this scene kenji also says she probably just wants to be alone. sometimes. the very next scene she continues the behavior of sitting close to where kenji/brooklynn/darius/ben hang out, but not interacting with them, instead trying to wipe down her book (note: she also is very clearly listening to the conversation in this scene). and this is when sammy comes in, with an absolutely unabashed offer of friendship, heart on her sleeve so to speak. and yaz just is caught off guard. when sam says “no one likes the shell. it stops people from getting to know you,” yaz responds with “bingo,” and thats what leads me to believe that human connection has hurt her before. shes not ready to let someone in, not ready to play with fire again. but, this conversation, the “im not giving up,” line we hear in s3, leaves the door open for more. maybe they could be acquaintances

now, in the episode, what we see is yaz not really being used to someone as boisterous as sammy, especially with sammy wanting to be friends so clearly. and with the likelihood of yaz probably not having friends, being with sammy would probably be like being at a party but with no quiet corner to sink into. but through some blunders and a bit of life threatening danger (par for the course in this show) and a speech that was Most Definitely Totally All For The Dinosaur, I Swear You Guys has yaz realize that she can trust sammy. and maybe its not easy, but its worth a shot. it maybe awkward and clumsy, but hey, shes only here for a bit, why not talk to someone. and maybe shes not really a hugger, but she can let it go

i also would like to note the reason yaz states for taking up drawing, “to kill time during track meets”. interesting. also one the drawings is of what we can assume is a t rex eating a person. now, if you remember, darius’s story at the beginning actually mentions a t rex. maybe its coincidence, maybe yaz was actually listening to the story all along.

but thats just with the other campers, how about the other people we see in the series? lets start with eddie. when we first see him and he shines the lamp on the camp fam, yaz actually takes up a fighting stance. she doesnt talk at all during the scene, or even take any cake. the closest we get to her and eddie talking is when she says “ow,” when she trips on bumpy while chasing him. ok, how about mitch, tiff, and hap? asks 1 question (“did you get stuck out here too?”) in the whole getting to camp part. ehh ok, but lets look beyond that, we are with them for several episodes after all. lets talk the breakfast scene. we get a whole other comment (“so many attacks,”) and its just in response to darius. ok, maybe the writers just didnt know what to really do with her. lets talk the scene where brooklynn sees hap being suspicious while everyone does something else. whats yaz doing? just chilling with sammy. not talking, even tho tiff is right there. ok i think my point here has been made lets skip to when we see mae for the first time, bc dr. wu isnt a really a stranger to her. on the journey over to her cave, we set a record for amount of lines yaz has in a persons intro scene: 3! yay! and then an additional one in the cave. wooo! the six months on a dinosaur infested island w/ only 5 other people helped her social skills. they arent perfect, but theyre definitely better, and she still sticks to her quieter tendencies.

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s1ep1 camp cretaceous, s1ep3 the cattle drive, s1ep5 happy birthday, eddie, s2ep4 salvation, s3ep6 the long run, and s4ep3 turning dr. turner.

————

yaz’s handling of (possible) abandonment by friends is um. something. i only have two examples though. firstly, lets talk about s3 and what makes yaz realize she could be abandoned after leaving the island. the scene with ben. “after we go home, its not like any of us will ever see each other again.” “sure we will!” “doubt it. were spread all over the country. factor in time, money, life. you get the idea.” and as kenji tells him off, yaz hangs back with a pensive expression, as the storm gets ready to roll in. i love symbolism. 

and so, we get into the real part id like to discuss. yaz’s conversation with sammy. in this we can see yaz’s doubts and fears come through as she tries to shut down their relationship, so that there is no pain of any abandonment or drifting apart, because if the bond was only made due to “running for [their] lives all the the time,” it wouldnt be something to be hurt over, right? and so, while she reinforces the fence around camp, she does the same for her heart. and sammy? sammy knows that this isnt really what either of them want, but shes not strong with her words. so what is there to really say, especially with someone who cant hear it right now.

but thats something that we see yaz initiate, thats on her own terms. how about something that is very much not on her terms, kenjis betrayal of the camp fam? how does yasmina, worlds normalest person about all things relationships react? she retroactively goes wow i should not have trusted him. as weve seen, this is pretty much par for the course, this distancing from people. but in this she also pushes down her own range of emotions, instead focusing about how she was stupid to have let this happen to her. like, shes the second last person to go when darius leaves to go try and figure out whats up with big and little eatie.

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s3ep5 the eye of the storm, s5ep4 evasive action

————

^ core of the post

|

˅ some misc things 

————

yaz also does not do good with trust being broken. at all. girl CRASHES a car because she had found out sammy lied about a PHONE. (to be fair the whole day had been extremely tough, there was a “monster dinosaur” out there that had tried to eat them twice) and then when sammy comes out with the fact that shes here entirely to spy, well, she cannot handle it. and so, she uses the same distancing tactics as before, unable to accept the hurt. she denies that it could have been real at all, and rescinds the special permission of being allowed to touch her. and this is our first glimpse (timeline wise) into how bad yazs issues with relationships are. and yet, theres still more for these guys! we also get a scene w/ them after yaz hurts her ankle. i cant talk for a lot of it bc its sort of just the same stuff lol, but we do get and explicit mention yaz had considered them as friends until this point (and she does go back to doing so). which is pretty realistic in a character whos clearly had some rough experiences with connection like yaz has.

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s1ep5 happy birthday, eddie, s1ep6 welcome to jurassic world

————

yaz takes the want to be useful to the people to a higher level then most people would. this causes her to be a bit impulsive at times when trying to help, doing things that could hurt her as well as not really thinking things through. lets start with what yaz herself has to say on it, “i dont give up” “im the track star. the person my coaches, my team, everybody relies on. but now... but now im not. and if im not strong anymore... what good am i?” and this really goes to show how truly well she fits the team player role, she truly embodies it to an unhealthy degree. and she wants to be reliable, to her new team (the camp fam), and that want to prove herself to this team, and if she cant use two of her biggest skills, how is she supposed to do this? and i think this is where her impulsivity stems from, this want to help the team. and so this is where the scene with the mosasaurus comes in. in this scene we get to see this reliability savior thing shes got going on backfire on her, as while, yes, she saves sammy and darius, the mosasaur also goes straight for her.    

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s1ep6 welcome to jurassic world, and s2ep2 the art of chill

————

yaz, i believe, shows two major outlets during the show, both of which she uses to connect with people; her art and exercising. soo, lets talk about her art first, and how she uses it. when yaz opens up to sammy for the first time, the way she does it is through showing and talking about her art, and we know its definitely something close to her heart through the way she absolutely deflates when she thinks sammy doesnt like them, and with the portrait of her mom we see in the nightmare sequence, it can be assumed that this is how yaz has been dealing with her homesickness. and when yaz realizes sammys having a hard time with the goodbyes n stuff she tries to help by giving her a drawing of all of them. and while this is a small detail, there is the scene where we get to see yaz draw for darius’ field guide, even taking criticism on the piece. not super huge, but as we know yaz can be pretty down on her own artistic abilities, so the moment is actually kinda big for her.

now, to touch on her exercising as an outlet. while we dont get to see it as much as her art, ironically enough. its probably because most of the running she does is for her life. firstly, id like to talk about the moment where she talks to darius about “sometimes [we] get so stuck in [our] head[s] that [we] cant see whats happening in front of [us],” so, to combat that, we have to do something to get out of our head, something fun. for yaz, thats exercising, as she tells darius. for darius, thats learning new dinosaur facts. (as he puts it, “very different definitions of fun,”). and, hey, maybe it isnt her thing, but hes the one this is for, so she can put it aside her own feelings on it and most of her snark (most of). 

lets talk about when we can see this actually happening in season 5. now, this is where i, yes, get to talk about yaz’s crush on sammy. round of applause. when we first get to hear about her crush, yaz doesnt want to act on it at all. now, we dont get it explicitly, but based on what ive talked about, id imagine she is still afraid of changes in her relationships, especially with territory as uncharted as a relationship, let alone one with another girl. but when she takes her own advice, gets out of her head, and really lets her think, because, yea, change could be scary, but if she had let that fear overpower her in the beginning, she wouldnt have this now. (something something “its not finding your perfect half. its the trying and reaching and failing. love is being willing to ruin your good painting for the chance at a great one. is this really the boldest stroke you can make?”) and so she is willing to share her feelings, even if sammy doesnt feel the same. and in both cases it does work out! yazs advice helps darius find the beacon, and her decision to tell sammy about her feelings actual has them ending up together. 

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s1ep3 the cattle drive, s2ep1, a beacon of hope, s2ep3 the watering hole, s4ep1 beneath the surface, s4ep4 rude awakening, s5ep7 the leap, and s5ep9 the core.

other media referenced in this section:

the half of it, 2020, directed by Alice Wu.

————

some final thoughts/comments: i wrote this over 2 days w/ no editing. sorry if some sections are lackluster or whatnot. also based on my analysis i think yaz has adhd and autism because a lot of the stuff she does i do too, feel free to ask me about it btw. the quote from the half of it is only really tangentially related but its an absolutely amazing quote and movie. watch it. all the pictures are not mine. also i didnt really know what to say, but the scene where yaz, brook, kenji, and sammy are trying to make it to the boat is pretty interesting. ok post over

[idontblushsrry]

Itadori Yuuji Boyfriend Headcanons

A/N: Reader is from America and a black female. Idk why i decided to write this but I think that Yuuji would be a fun boyfriend lmao. I don’t entirely know what the reader’s cursed technique should be so lmk if you have any ideas. Until then enjoy Yuuji and reader being 2 idiots in love. Spoilers for all the eps of jujutsu kaisen up to about episode 11, nothing past that though as I want to finish the show first before reading the manga, so please be respectful of spoilers and label them (and tag if necessary) in the comments. Also srry if this cuts off abruptly bcus of the point the show is at. This is also like, all over the place but whatever.

(also sorry this was posted later than usual oops)

Word Count:  1943

This dork-

He is so sweet and kind and considerate 

But also a dumbass but also like he’s your dumbass

You and Yuuji are both equally stupid like bless yalls hearts

You and Yuuji met during his time at the Tokyo Academy when you transferred from America

The moment this man saw you walk up with Gojo-sensei he was smitten

Like your skin was glowing??? how???

And you had a slight accent but like he loved it too

And when you came up to greet him and shake hands you smelled so good and your skin was so soft

((He would later come to find out that the root of that was the shea cocoa butter lotion you used))

But yea mans was smitten and he is fully in love with you lmao

Will do literally anything you ask

You hungry? He’s prepared a 5 course, michelin star meal

Want new clothes? He’s been training for the day he could hold your bags for you

Ran out of hair products?? He’s already back with a special box of your products that he had imported from America

To this day you don’t know how he was able to get those products so quickly

He is loves when you tell him things about you from your day, to your times in america, to how your cursed energy works

Yall are the couple that does stupid shit together

Like one time you showed Yuuji one of those life hack videos and he was like 

“We should totally do that” 

And you were like “Bet”

Needless to say Fushiguro was very confused at the sight of bandaids on both of your fingers the next morning

“???What happened?”

“Well you see, I told Yuuji that I should use the glue gun because he didn’t even know where to put the glue stick. And he said nah, I got it and um yea so I fell and the glue gun was plugged in and then he tripped over me and so now we look like this.”

Gojo and Kugisaki thought that this was hilarious while Fushiguro decided that he’d store your guys’ glue gun in his shadows from now on

How yall manage to get through missions you go on together alive is a miracle

Speaking of missions, you eventually ask Yuuji what’s his deal because you feel a powerful aura coming from him but he never uses cursed energy, always cursed weapons

Cue Sukuna’s mouth popping up on the side of his face like “Hey mamas”

(You can’t tell me that Sukuna isn’t the type of guy to ask where his hug at)

“YUUJI WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!”

“Oh, I guess you haven’t met Sukuna yet, huh?”

So he sits you down and explains how he ate Sukuna’s finger and you're sitting there like ‘mhm mhm mhm, sorry you what?’

For like 3 days after he told you that you couldn’t bring yourself to kiss him just because you were processing the fact that Yuuji ate someone’s nasty old ass finger and would have to eat 19 more

And the fact that he’s the vessel of like the worst curse known to man 

During those 3 days, Yuuji’s pouting because he’s like ‘I fucked up, now she doesn’t wanna kiss me let alone talk to me because of this monster inside of me :(’

Meanwhile you’re just like ‘why would anyone eat some random mummified finger?’

Eventually you get wind of Yuuji’s bad mood and immediately, you rush to smooth things over with him.

You knock on his door and hear blankets rustling before he goes, “I’m not in the mood to play fight right now Kugisaki’

“Can I come in baby?”

You immediately hear the most comical almost cartoonish amount of noise ranging from a cup falling over, sheets falling off the bed, and what sounds like Yuuji falling flat on his ass before he opens the door

When he does, you’re laughing and it’s like the sky is no longer grey and the world is filled with color

You smile at each other before your moment is interrupted with Sukuna going “Finally, full offense, his whining was getting annoying”

You step inside his room and apologize for ignoring him, explaining that you just needed time to process things, explaining that you should’ve told him that before dipping

He just grabbed you in a bear hug and lifted you of the ground and spinning you around laughing happily, after all he wasn’t even upset with you, he just missed you

And thus begins the honeymoon phase of your guys’ relationship

Fushiguro is actually really happy for you guys and is the most supportive of your relationship but if anyone asked him to admit that out loud he’d actually apparate to the nearest marooned ship

Nobura doesn’t hate you guys but she thinks all couples are disgusting, so while it’s nothing personal, she does gag when you and Yuuji do so much as make goo goo eyes at each other

Gojo is actually like the main cheerleader of your relationship. 

He is the teacher that changes the seating chart to put students he ships together

He was always pairing you and Yuuji up on missions and placing you as sparring partners like ur not slick

If Gojo is the cheerleader, Sukuna is an actual antagonist

Like the man goes out of his way to CHOOSE violence

Like on time you kissed Yuuji’s cheek on a date and when you pulled back, your lip was bleeding and Sukuna’s mouth was smirking at you

Another thing he likes to do is tell you all of Yuuji’s simp^tm thoughts

Like all of them

Now Yuuji isn’t ashamed of how much he loves you and is in fact very open with it, but he doesn’t need Sukuna telling you that the only reason he bought x mouthwash was because it made your breath smell like “sunshine” and he had to see if it would work on him

Speaking of dates, good luck

Now I stand by the fact that Yuuji would never half-ass a date and things with him are certainly never boring

But he’s also like a country boy in the city and his tourist tendencies tend to get the best of him

Like you’ll be trying to find a spot to eat and when you look back Yuuji’s gone

((Prolly to buy another I <3 Tokyo shirt so you can both match))

He always catches up with you ad you eventually learn that but like the first few times be havin you ready to put up a lost child signal on the loudspeaker

He’s very sweet and this is where his thoughtfulness shines through

You and Yuuji plan dates in the same way one plays bingo

Like because you never know where you’re going to be r when exactly you’ll both be free (especially with Gojo-sensei and his bare minimum ass information) you two tend to go ‘ok well if we’re here we’ll go here and if we’re here, we’ll go here’ and so on and so forth

But Yuuji always remembers such little one-off details about you that make your dates.

Like you mention wanting to try a sushi train and he’s already scrolled through multiple yelp reviews and watched every youtube restaurant review like 9 times

But every high has a low and Yuuji and your’s low comes suddenly and it brings you crashing to the ground with no warning and nothing to slow your descent

When your class of first years were sent to exorcise the special grade cursed womb

When Yuuji’s hand got blown off and he told you to run you froze, your mind racing faster than your legs could even start

“(Y/N) RUN!” Yuuji’s voice broke you out of your fear-based trance

“I- I...can’t...I can’t leave you!” you cried out all your rational senses screamed at you to go, run, he had Sukuna and you were barely a grade 2 sorcerer. But your intuition told you if you left him you wouldn’t see him alive again.

You were trapped in a paralysis of indecision but the choice was made for you when a sticky tongue wrapped around your midriff and you were gulped into the mouth of one of Fushiguro’s frogs

“Goddamn it Fushiguro! Let me go! I need to... save... him.” You were outside the building before you could even finish arguing.

You glared up at Fushiguro but your eyes softened some when you saw how beat up Kugisaki looked.

He gave you this look that said he did what he had to do and he didn’t care what you had to say about it 

You and him waited in the rain for Yuuji or Sukuna to exit the building

You tried to focus yourself and save your negative emotions for your cursed attack

When Sukuna inevitably appeared, one finger stronger, you were fully prepared to fight him

However, he didn’t seem interested in fighting you and more engaged in fighting with Megumi

You tried to urge Fushiguro to wait it out, eventually Sukuna would lose control, but when Sukuna took Yuuji’s heart hostage, you both knew you’d have to fight

You and Fushiguro gave it your all but when Yuuji came back he still died 

It took all your strength to not completely fall apart after his death and the support from the second years as well as Kugisaki and Fushiguro helped

You’d tried to visit him at the morgue but Shoko only told you that she didn’t think it’d be a good idea.

You still slept in his sweaters and the things that smelled like him from time to time, trying to make the idea of him last, but after a month, the smell of him had started to fade

Everything about Yuuji’s memory seemed to become leached away with time, from his smell, to the wear present on things he’d given to you

You couldn’t help but feel resentful towards yourself but also to Sukuna, he’d taken Yuuji from you with the same care that one would throw litter on the ground

The pain in your chest didn’t wane either, it only became ignorable to a degree as training for the exchange with the Kyoto students became more intense

Fushiguro is a comfort to you as well, aside from you, him and Yuuji were the closest to each other and so he gets a lot of what you’re going through and doesn’t push when you become more withdrawn

He also lets you pet his demon dog too but when you ask him why he’s letting you pet it he just says ‘because no one would believe you if you told them’ lies

The bastard really just does it because he knows you’re sad and he doesn’t want you to be sad

Speaking of the Kyoto students, Zenin Mai and Toudou Aoi are permanently on your shit list

You’re relieved that Panda, Maki, and Inumaki came to your guys’ aid but like if you had your way Mai wouldn’t even exist

Anyways Maki has Panda physically restrain you while she tries to calm you down 

“(Y/N), you can kick her ass at the exchange!”

When you calm down, Panda puts you down and even though Mai’s long gone with Todou to go get his handshake, you make a promise that carries through the wind

‘Zenin Mai, pray that the next time you run across me I’m feeling kind, because if not-’, the last word is lost as the wind picks up but Mai feels a shiver rack through her body that more than ensures your message.

[firefly-in-darkness]

Smooth

Pairing → Sam Wilson x Reader

Characters → Marvel 

Summary → Y/N has to fight off the smile and laughter at Sam Wilson’s chat up lines throught their relationship but here are a few of their milestones.

Word Count → 3.7k

Prompt → Trope: 5 Things Plus 1 for @bonkywobble​ challenge - congrats on your follower milestone lovely!

SSB2021 Square Fill → Posted at the end of the story as it’s a spoiler // @star-spangled-bingo

Warnings → Fluff, sweet, tooth-rotting fluff. Cheesy chat up lines.

Betas → @daydream3r-xo​ // all mistakes are my own.

A/N → This is my first proper Sam Wilson fic - I have done one in the past but there was more platonic - so I hope you enjoy this story!

Firefly’s Masterlist 

Sam Wilson couldn’t believe his luck, he’d signed up to the right gym, that’s for sure. There was the most beautiful woman standing at the opposite wall with a group of women. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of her as she instructed the class. It was like he was hypnotised, but at least he was happy about it. Her figure was strong, and she commanded the attention of the women with ease and a stunning smile that made her eyes sparkle.

He dropped his bag onto the floor and folded his arms, as he watched on in wonder while she instructed them to loosen up with various stretches. The way her body bent and twisted into the poses was enough to make him stir under the belt.

Lost in his daydream, Sam didn’t realise the instructor had turned away from the class and walked in his direction. Lost in the sight of her plump lips and then he realised that she was looking at him. No, not just looking, her lips were moving. She was talking to him. He snapped out of his haze and apologised for not hearing.

“Are you here to assist with the self-defence class?” Her eyebrow raised at him, slight confusion on her face.

Now that she was in his personal space, Sam felt nervous. He was usually so quick and an absolute charmer with women. Well, with most people, young and old. He’d get himself out of any situation and this is when he needed his wits about him.

“Uhm- No, I think there’s something wrong with my eyes.” Sam wrinkled his nose and cringed at his train of thought.

The woman looked at him with widening fear and reached out to take his arm, “Right, okay, what do you need? What’s wrong?”

The feel of her soft skin warmed his arm in an instant, a tingle bloomed across his cheeks. Then he refocused back on his plan, even if it could potentially end badly, he wanted to charm her.

“I just can’t take them off you.” Sam grinned, but it dropped when he saw the scowl, she was giving him. 

Suddenly the most beautiful sound came from the woman, the laugh that fell from her lips made him feel like a cloud, completely soft and weightless. And the sight of her head thrown back brought the grin back to his face. It worked.

“But I am more than happy to help out with the class.” Sam’s smile didn’t drop but his heart raced at the thought of his offer being rejected.

“Oh, you are definitely helping out now.” grabbed his bicep and brought him to the front of the group. “Now ladies, this is-”

“Sam” He waved and gave them a lopsided smile. “Sam Wilson.”

“Sam is going to be our test dummy for today’s session.” Y/N grabbed a [added vest and handed it to him, “now put this on and be a good boy so these Ladies can practice kneeing someone in the stomach.”

“What? I thought you were going to wrestle me or something.”

“Nuh-uh, good luck sugar.” She grinned.

“Wait, do I get to know your name?” Sam asked as he pulled on the vest.

“You can call me Boss Lady.” She replied and returned to the group of women.

Sam didn’t miss the teasing smirk she sent his way as she walked away and discussed the techniques with the women that were lining up to practise their recently learned moves on him. He was glad he had this padded vest and years of training in the army to deal with the blows about to come his way.

At least he got to meet her, see that stunning smile, and hear that beautiful laugh. It was all worth it.

Y/N stroked her fingers through her hair, a failed attempt to tame the flyaway while giving herself a once over in the pocket mirror. Nerves swirled in her stomach as the Uber approached the Italian restaurant. She wasn’t sure if this was a good idea or not, she hadn’t been on a date in over a year and she had only known this guy for a few weeks through an online dating app.

The maître-d took her coat then led her to an empty table, leaving her to browse the drinks menu. Y/N wasn’t fazed by being here before him, she was a little earlier than planned and decided to order a glass of wine.

Yet, the minutes ticked by. Y/N sipped on her drink, eyes focused on the entrance for any sign of her date but after twenty minutes and an ignored message, she decided to ask the waitress to clear the reservation and bring over the cheque for her wine. She wasn’t going to sit there any longer, waiting for someone that wasn’t going to arrive.

Feeling scorned by being stood up, she left the restaurant in a flurry but tried to remain composed and swiftly began to walk down the block to the busier part of town to hail a taxi. But before she reached the end of the sidewalk an illuminated sign across the street caught her attention. Compound. It was the place that Sam had mentioned to her earlier in the week when they were at the gym. 

They’d formed a good friendship over the last few months and with a few of the other regulars at the gym. Sam had invited Y/N alongside Bucky and Nat who were personal trainers at the gym. Y/N knew them well but had declined the invite to the bar that was now opposite her. She made up an excuse, unsure as to why she lied about needing to go to her parents.

But now that she was here, she might as well put the time she had in getting ready to good use. She could just think of some other excuse and pretend like the evening hadn’t started as badly as it did. With a renewed surge of confidence, she skipped across the street and entered the bar.

It was busy but considering it was a Friday night, most people ventured further into town for a night out. She spotted Bucky and one of his best clients, Steve, at one of the pool tables in the corner. Bucky had just broken the set and Steve moved to take his shot. That’s when Y/N saw that Natasha was here too, almost hidden from view by the muscular giant that was Steve. Y/N was sure that Natasha never looked less than radiant, she never looked out of place anywhere. She was perfect.

Y/N removed her coat and hooked it up, uncertainty starting to worry her about turning up unannounced. She shook it off and walked over to the bar to grab a round of beers to take over to the table, she couldn’t go over there empty-handed.

At the sound of her name being called, she turned around to see Bucky, his signature smile on his lips and arms opened wide to welcome her in a light hug.

“Hi Buck, parents didn’t need me so thought I’d gate crash.” Y/N grinned and held up the bottles, “And I have beers.”

“Always welcome. But we need one more.” Bucky gestured over to the table, the new addition at the table was Sam.

An unexpected rush of butterflies assaulted Y/N’s stomach as she ordered the remaining beer and walked over to the bar with Bucky in tow. She greeted everyone, pausing as she approached Sam. This was the first time she’d seen him in something other than gym clothes and she appreciated the form-fitting shirt that hugged at his muscular arms.

“Somebody call the cops because it’s got to be illegal to look that good!” Sam bellowed out and held out his arms, gesturing up and down her body.

Y/N couldn’t help the giggle that erupted and wrapped her arms around his neck. She was glad that her date had stood her up because now she was able to enjoy the night with friends that wanted her to be around. Plus, who doesn’t love a confidence boost from a handsome guy?

Even though Sam used the most ridiculous lines to get Y/N’s attention, something was charming about him. It was a confidence boost for sure and when later that night, he asked her on a date, she secretly hoped that it was going to lead to something more. Even if the rational voice in her head told her not to get attached too soon.

Sam couldn’t believe his luck; they were on their fifth date and Y/N had invited him up to her apartment for coffee. Of course, he hoped it was code for sex. But honestly, he didn’t mind if that didn’t happen, he just wanted to spend more time with Y/N. She was great company, had a wicked sense of humour and was genuinely fun to be around.

Nerves bubbled in Sam’s stomach while he waited for Y/N to return with their drinks. He had sat on the cosy couch that was adorned with plush cushions and the softest blanket he’d ever felt but he needed to distract himself from the butterflies somersaulting in his stomach. A display of photographs and memorabilia adorning one of the walls caught his eye and he wandered over.

Several photographs of Y/N with different groups of people; at festivals, out for dinner, on vacation. Some of the frames had ticket stubs tucked into them, the other frames had ornaments hanging from them or polaroids stuck to the corners. It was a collage of happiness and colour. He couldn’t help the smile that formed as he thought of all the possibilities of their dating heading towards making memories like this, together.

Sam returned to the couch and Y/N placed the cups onto the coffee table. He noticed the change in her body language; she smoothed down her skirt several times, a coy smile played on her lips as she sipped on the drink. He grinned, she was on the same page as him and maybe just as nervous.

“We don’t have to do anything.” Sam’s voice gained her attention, “I’m happy to wait and see where things go if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Y/N’s eyes sparkled, she looked as if the weight of the world had been taken off her shoulders and then she plunged towards him. Their lips met in a heated kiss; Sam was shocked at the sudden change of pace, but he couldn’t resist the need to feel her body pressed up against him.

They both pulled back for air, and Sam brushed his knuckles against her cheek, “I guess that means you do want to do something.”

Y/N bit her lip and shuffled backwards, straightened up and gestured for him to follow her to the bedroom. Sam kicked off his shoes and loosened his tie in the doorway, completely enamoured by Y/N while she removed her heels. 

“Sam, can you help?” Y/N looked behind and pulled her hair over her shoulder, exposing the zip that she couldn’t quite reach the top of the dress.

Slowly, the zip glided down, showing a hint of the black lace underwear. Sam looked up to the ceiling, thanking God for the beauty before him. She turned around and began unbuttoning his shirt, her fingers delicate and features focused on the clothing. But there seemed to be an air of nervousness coming from her.

Sam tipped up her chin before she could finish undressing him. He kissed her lightly, in hope to ease her, comfort her. 

Their lips parted and he rested his forehead against Y/N’s, “as I said, we don’t have to do anything.”

Y/N nodded and guided him to the foot of the bed to take a seat, “I’m okay. It’s just been a while.”

Sam was in a similar situation and didn’t want his nerves to add to the concern that was already laced on her features as she stood in front of him, “We’ll do this at your pace.”

She nodded, a smile now taking over her features as she removed her arms from the sleeves of her dress and letting it pool at her feet. Sam’s mouth dropped agape as he took in her all beauty; the soft skin that curved and dipped in exquisite ways. 

His hands rubbed at his thighs and looked back up to the woman who approached cautiously, a smirk on his face, “I hope you know CPR because you are taking my breath away.”

Y/N bit her bottom lip and straddled his lap, “I think I’m pretty good at mouth to mouth.”

Sam held her waist with one hand, the other exploring and massaging the exposed skin of her thighs, her hips and stomach before he reached for her neck. Their lips crashed together, and they shuffled up the mattress, exposing more of their bodies and letting passion guide them through the remainder of the night.

The episode of The Big Bang Theory played in the background, Y/N was too occupied with painting her toenails, her feet rested on the coffee table as she tugged up her sweatpants for the fifth time in the hopes to not smudge the polish.

Sam had been in the bedroom for ten minutes, putting on an outfit that he needed Y/N’s approval on. At least they’d ordered food before he went in there because otherwise, Y/N would have consumed everything in his fridge which didn’t consist of much other than a block of cheese and a bottle of vodka.

The buzz at the intercom made her jump but luckily there were no smudges to her newly pampered feet.

“I’ll get it,” Y/N shouted from the lounge of Sam’s apartment and headed to the front door to wait for the delivery person. She handed the guy some bills and a little tip before hitting the door shut with her hip.

Y/N held onto the pizza boxes and bottle of soda tightly and cautiously made her way down the hall. She waited for Sam to appear, but he still hadn’t come out of his bedroom. It was getting a bit ridiculous now.

“Sam, hurry up or your food is going to go cold.” She called and poured out the drinks.

“What do you think?” Sam asked as he entered the room, arms wide as he twirled slowly.

Sam was in a crisp white shirt, smart black trousers, and a suit jacket. The bowtie was a little crooked, but it made his sheepish grin all that more endearing to her.

“A little formal for movie night don’t you think?” She smirked and dipped an onion ring into the garlic sauce.

“Thought it might impress you.” Sam grinned at her, “Thought it would bring a bit more class to the charity gala. We need to raise money for the community centre.”

“Well, I think you look rather handsome and I’m sure someone will bid a lot of money on you.” Y/N’s eyes squinted at him, for being reminded that Sam was being auctioned off alongside Steve and Bucky for dates to the rich women of New York.

Y/N knew they weren’t exclusive, but she knew they weren’t dating other people, they just hadn’t talked about that. It had only been a couple of months since their first date and as much as Y/N was enjoying Sam’s company, she didn’t want to rush into anything or mistake how she felt and that it was unreciprocated.

“Do you know what my shirt is made of?” Sam walked towards her and knelt to be at her eye level, “Boyfriend material. Yeah, I like the sound of that.”

Sam pressed a kiss to her cheek then stood back up to return to the bedroom while Y/N remained glued to the spot, eyes wide at the way he’d casually pulled off another cheesy line and quietened her insecurities in one swift movement. She was falling, hard.

Sam pulled the van into the driveway, feeling giddy at the sight of Y/N standing on the porch with their realtor. The sun beamed down onto Y/N’s skin, an ethereal glow as she spoke animatedly with Phil, probably talking his ear off about the cost of hiring a van themselves in comparison to hiring a removals company.

It had taken them a while to get here but Sam was over the moon to be where they were now. Everything came into alignment, apart from the odd bump in the road. But after many sleepless nights, a last-minute scramble for cash and only a few days to pack up their separate lives; they were finally moving into their dream home. 

They had talked about this for months, both unsure to take the leap when viewing different houses until this one came along. The minute they walked into the place, it felt like home. It was vacant and they were able to imagine what it would look like with their belongings; where the sofa would look best in the lounge or which room should be the guest bedroom or office space.

Of course, the kitchen was Sam’s favourite place, it was open planned and the best for socialising and he couldn’t wait for everyone to come round for a barbecue as the French doors opening onto a patio that stretched into a neat lawn. Perfect for hosting their friends this summer.

“Did you get lost pumpkin?” Y/N smiled at him.

“Never, I’m like a homing pigeon when it comes to you.” Sam chuckled, “are we ready now Phil?”

The middle-aged man that had a childlike spark, gave him a curt nod, and headed into the property, “Right this way.”

The papers were signed, and all that was left was to be handed over the keys so that they could begin unloading their belongings. The atmosphere was charged with excitement as Phil placed a set of keys into Y/N’s hands.

“Be careful with those.” Sam gave her a lopsided smirk and a raised brow.

“I’m not going to lose them!” She retaliated.

“Yeah, but this one,” Sam pointed to one of the keys, “is a special one.”

Y/N turned to him, brows knitted together in confusion, “what are you going on about Sam?”

Sam placed his hands on her shoulders, focusing her attention on him. His face lined with seriousness, “It’s the key to my heart.” 

Y/N groaned and rolled her eyes, shaking her head at him.

“Nailed it!” Phil said as he high fived Sam, “Now, I will leave you lovely pair to get acquainted with your new home.”

Y/N placed the keys onto the kitchen island and looked out onto the garden. Sam’s arms wrapped around her waist; his chest pressed tightly to her back.

“We did it, baby girl,” Sam whispered into her ear and lightly pecked her cheek.

“That we did.” She turned her head to capture his lips with her own.

Y/N grabbed the plates, shoving them into the dishwasher while Sam waved Steve and Peggy off from the front door. It was a good date night, regardless of the lack of wine. Peggy was almost ready to burst with the twins that had wriggled constantly in her belly. They’d finally decided on a name but refused to tell Y/N or Sam.

“Anything else I need to do, baby girl?” Sam asked as he returned to the kitchen.

“All done in here.” Y/N yawned, “Think it’s time for bed.”

Sam’s face dropped for a split second, but Y/N spotted it. She wandered round to his side of the room and wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers massaging the back of his head.

“What’s up?” She asked, pressing a light kiss to his lips.

A grin formed on his lips, the warmth spreading to her in an instant, shared happiness was a beautiful feeling.

“I was just thinking that I don’t think there’s anything I’d like to change about you.” He swayed your body to the music that filtered through from the music dock in the living room.

“So why the grumpy face?” Y/N pouted and squeezed his cheeks together; lips mushed into a dramatic grimace. 

“Because I realised there was something I’d like to change,” Sam mumbled through your hold on his face.

Y/N pulled away instantly, her hands dropping to her side as anger began to bubble under her skin, “excuse me?”

Sam tugged her by the waist, keeping her close, “Let me finish.”

She relaxed the tension in her body and placed her hands back on his chest, the annoyance still simmering but less noticeable. Sam’s fingers traced soft lines up and down her back until she gave in and placed her head on his shoulder.

“Now, where was I? Ah yes, the one thing I’d change about you.” He spluttered as Y/N hit him on the arm, lightly but still effective. “The only thing would be your last name.”

Y/N cringed at the chat-up line and pulled away, breaking their hold in favour of turning out the lights in the kitchen before re-joining him but he was nowhere to be seen when she turned around. The sudden silence had her on edge as she headed to the lounge to find Sam kneeling in front of her, his hand raised with a velvet box.

She gasped and clamped her hand over her mouth, he was being serious. He wasn’t using some cheesy chat-up line, well he was, but he was doing this! Y/N squealed internally, the sudden realisation that Sam was talking had her snapping up to his eyes.

The gorgeous brown brimming with tears as he told her how much he loved her, “I want you in my life always baby girl, will you be my wife?”

“Yes!” she responded, throwing her arms around his neck as he spun her around the room. 

Y/N pressed kiss after kiss to every place she could, their salty tears mixing in with their passion. Sam pulled back with a chuckle, he took her left hand and placed the sparkling ring onto her finger.

He might have used his cheesy pick-up lines to get to this point, but Y/N loved every single one. Especially this one.

The End.

SSB2021 Square Fill → Proposal // @star-spangled-bingo

Everything Tag List: @kitkatd7​ / @fandomfic-galore​ / @writerwrites​ / @thefridgeismybestie​ / @wedonttalkaboutitenough​ / @courtneychicken​

Marvel Tag List: @natasha-danvers​ / @little-baby-vixen​ / @stuckonjbbarnes​ / @starlightcrystalline​ / @nekoannie-chan​ / @hailhydra920​ / @vollzeitliebe​ / @fitzsimmons-is-forever​ / @ladyacrasia​ / @emmabarnes​

[russian-romanova]

the one that got away

title: the one that got away

pairing: joe goldberg

warnings: adult language, spoilers for season two of ‘you’, very brief mentions of violence 

notes:  joe’s pov. i haven’t gotten anything out there in a while, so here’s this. 

summary: it’s been years since you ran out on your high school boyfriend joe goldberg. now that he’s seen you again, maybe it’s time to find out if your instincts were right. 

+      +      +

There was a part of me that had forgotten about you. I would go months without thinking about you, but then the strangest things would conjure up an image of you or your name would ring in my ears for a moment or two before passing out again. So don’t make the mistake of thinking I forgot about you, Y/N. I never forgot. Not really. 

We dated in high school, which doesn’t mean much at face value. High School relationships are the ones that are the most fragile when boys can’t control their own body parts and girls don’t seem to know the word ‘boundary’. The teen couples that come into Mooney’s are the worst relationships, where they hold hands and kiss every time they turn a corner. It takes all I have not to turn them away.

But we were… different. We were good, and we took it slow. I was quiet and you were sweet, and God, I don’t think I could ever recreate that high I would get when I walked into school and would see you waiting at my locker, reading some book I had given you or eating some breakfast dessert. We didn’t rush anything, we were slow and steady friends more than anything, at least before we kissed. And when we did kiss, it wasn’t bumbling or awkward like teenage kisses should be. It was perfect, Y/N. Like it was meant to be.  

You know why I’m bringing this up. I saw you at some supermarket the other day, in LA. It wasn’t Anavrin or any of those frighteningly strict healthy eating markets. It was just some supermarket I went to in search of some food I had been thinking about, and I saw you in the cereal aisle. You didn’t see me, Y/N, although I wasn’t sure if you would have even recognized me. You had a box of ‘Cinnamon Toast Crunch’ in one hand and a box of whatever the generic brand was in the other. I watched you for a moment, turn the first box over, then the second, before sighing and adding the generic one to your cart. I turned my body so you couldn’t see my face as I waited, only turning once I was sure you had left the aisle the opposite way of me. 

Trust me, Y/N, I almost couldn’t believe my eyes. I had to double-take to even think it was you, and then I ended up staring at you for a full five seconds before I remembered where I even was. A supermarket. In LA. 

Really, the strangest part was that I had been in LA for around a month and hadn’t somehow caught wind of you. Sure, LA’s a big city, perfect for disappearing -- I should know -- but I have a sixth sense for these sorts of things. It helps that I’ve been trying to stay away from you, really, I stopped searching your name on the internet long ago and I’ve been trying to push you out of my mind. 

Still --  I see in you in all of their eyes. Candace. Beck. Love. 

Then you pushed your cart away from me and left behind the corner. I trailed behind you for a while, because how are you supposed to see your high school sweetheart and just forget about it? You picked out black beans and condiments, grabbed crackers and milk. Then you were gone. 

But I knew you were in LA, and that got me through a while. I was distracted at work, distracted with Love. Even Ellie knew something was off, and of course, I couldn’t tell any of them about you, Y/N. I made up some lie about work or the news, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I wondered if you shopped every Tuesday afternoon if I would have a chance of seeing you again if I waited there next week. If you saw me first, would you interact? Would you know what I was doing and confront me or would you leave and hope that I didn’t see you? Would you see me at all?

No, I knew that I had to find you before then, preferably someplace where I wouldn’t look like some random creep approaching a pretty girl. I had to do my research. 

I didn’t know whether to be impressed or disappointed when I discovered both an Instagram and a Facebook account that were both private. You were aware of security, at least a little. You had a public twitter account, but nothing you posted on there really pertained to you on a personal level, mostly retweets about characters or politics. 

Roughly three weeks ago, you had retweeted some comedic tweet about the benefits of being single. This was a good sign, Y/N. My expectations were set low, but the more I learned about you, the higher they became. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, about our high school years, and how happy we both were. We could be like that again. 

I was about to give up on the social media scour when I saw an Instagram account linked to your twitter account, completely different from the one I had already stumbled upon. This one was a much vaguer account, with some photos you must have taken, mostly of other people or of aesthetically pleasing nature views or buildings. The photographs that caught my eye the most -- and I’m sure you understand why, Y/N -- were the ones of Farmington Park and the one of a house front. The house numbers were blurred out, but it wasn’t that hard to trace around on Google Earth. I extended the view and followed the roads surrounding Farmington Park, making the assumption that you were near to it judging by the amount of photots you had posted of it, until I found the house that seemed the most familiar, the one that matched up perectly with the photograph. Bingo.

You should be more careful, Y/N. 

✾ ✾ ✾

And so I wait. I see you again, but no longer by accident. I don my jacket and cap, and I wait at the bench near your house -- just a man reading a book, nothing anyone will pay too much attention to. I see you leave your house, which I’m relieved to see you walk out of. I’ve been wrong in the past, and it’s the worst possible feeling I could imagine. But you looked right at me, Y/N. The second day, you walked out of your bright red door and made direct eye contact with me. I have sunglasses on, so I don’t know if you can tell I’m looking back, but you stare at me for a few seconds, and then you move on. I worried you had maybe seen me, but the next day I returned and you didn’t think much of it. 

Tuesdays and Thursdays is when you went to the park. As the sunsets, to get those stereotypical sunset photos, I presume, and you stay until late on Tuesday nights because you have Wednesdays off. It’s abandoned by the time it’s nine pm, the perk of small parks in big cities. So I waited until I was ready, until I thought you would be ready, and then I decided it was time to meet you. 

8:42 on a Tuesday night, and I’ve never been more terrified before. I sit in the grass and watch you as the people slowly go home, watching you on your phone and messing with your camera. I notice for the first time, the green bracelet on your arm, which I recognize instantly, because I gave you that bracelet, Y/N. In high school, for your birthday. I gave it to you years ago, and you still wear it. 

That almost gives me hope.

I had a plan. Once it was empty enough, I took off my hat and sunglasses, and I just sat there. You needed to come to me, to feel comfortable enough to do so. It was going to be an accident that I was here, nothing creepy. Nothing to feed your worries or stresses. I wasn’t a worry, I was a comfort that was reappearing after years and years. 

When you saw me, your froze. You just stood there, unmoving and possibly unbreathing, frozen in a moment either now or in the past, mind racing and heart too fast. I waited for you, patiently. It was hard to not run up to you, to talk to you unprompted. But I had waited this long, I could wait a few minutes more.

Finally, you spoke. “What are you doing here?” 

I looked up, feigning surprise. “Oh my God, Y/N,” I closed my book and stood up, smiling as if I had no idea you still existed. “What are you doing in LA?”

“Cut the bullshit. I saw you the other day. At least, I thought I saw someone that looked just like you, and now I’m pretty fucking sure that was you, Joe. This can’t be happening. This isn’t-” You trailed off, mumbling to yourself. Your were suspitious, but I could work with suspicious. 

“You saw me? Seriously? Where was it?” I laugh as if I’m more confused than you are, still confused and surprised. Keep it up, Joe. Patience. “Why didn’t you-”

“Stop it. You were-” You stopped talking, your eyes widening a little at the absurdity of the situation. “You looked at me, Joe. I know you’re lying, so cut the bullshit. Be honest.”

I think it over for a minute. “I didn’t know if it was actually you or not.” I say, a little bit quieter. I feel like a kid again, and we haven’t even been talking for a minute. 

“Honest,” You repeated. “I’m not new to your games, Joe. Where did you see me first?”

“The bus stop,” I say, maintaining eye contact. You give me your ‘bullshit’ look, and I realize nothing has changed. I almost smile before I remember what’s happening, that I need to work fast and convince you. I can’t lose you again, not now that I’ve found you. “The bus stop,” I reaffirm, before adding. “Nice bracelet.” 

And I’ve changed the subject. 

“I need to go home,” You say, sounding tired and frantic. 

I take a step forward. “Let me walk you,”

“No, Joe.” You say loudly at first, and then repeat it a little softer. 

“Please, Y/N,” I say in a tone that we both know is close to a beg. You look at me with those big fucking eyes and I hope I’m making the same expression back. The puppy dog eyes are something we’ve both mastered. 

“Joe, I don’t love you anymore.” You say suddenly, and you throw your hands out to either side as if that’s it. As if that’s enough to satisfy me and it answers all my questions. 

“Then why are you still wearing the bracelet?” I’m begging you now, pleading with you and I hate my own tone of voice. 

You glance down at it as if you’ve forgotten about it. There’s a pause as you think for a moment, searching for words or for a lie. I’m frozen when I stand. “It’s not because I love you. It’s to remember.” You look up at me again, and your eyes aren’t just big anymore, they’re teary now. A part of me still wants to run to you, to tell you that it’s okay, but I know I can’t. “You killed me, Joe. Or you might as well have. I’m mourning her. I can’t forget her.”

Any act is long gone. We both know what you’re talking about, about all the conversations we had where you had tried to break up with me and I convinced you, about all the looks your had given me when I did something that would send off a red flag. “I didn’t, Y/N. I wouldn’t have. I was so careful with you.” 

You look at me in a way I’ve never seen before. “I hid. I shouldn’t have had to hide. I changed so much about me, about who I was because I was scared you would find me somehow, I don’t know.” You run a distressed hand through your hair.

“Why? Why were you so scared of me, Y/N? I was just some kid in love. I loved you so much. I love you so much.” I take a step towards you.

You match it with one back, putting up a distressed hand. “Stop, Joe. Stop. I’m not doing this, okay? All of these things about you pointed to terror for me and I went with my gut because you hear all of these horror stories about girls and their boyfriends and it was better safe than sorry and-“ You sniff, wiping your nose with the back of your hand. You’re crying and I didn’t even realize it. “And I am sorry, Joe. I really am, but we both know that’s what I needed to do.” And you’re right, Y/N, and it would be a lie to deny it. I didn’t have to do anything to you and you knew who I was. No one has ever understood as well as you. 

I am hurt as you look at me, somehow pained yet strong. “I’m sorry,” Is all I can manage out, and you don’t respond. 

“I need to go home,” You say finally. “You do too, Joe. This is out there now, and we can move on. Okay? Don’t try to find me again.”

“But I can’t forget about you.” I don’t know if I’m making excuses or being honest anymore. For a split second, I think about lunging at you, grabbing you or striking you or something -- but then I remember that this isn’t just anyone. This is you. Candace, Beck, Love, they’re all modelled after you. I think that’s all I’m working for, is you again. Yet I respect you too much to treat you like them, and I love you too much to really let you go. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. 

“Then don’t,” You look at me with calm eyes. “Then don’t forget about me. It’s better to remember, but to keep it somewhere just out of reach. It’s not like I could forget you, Joe. You were a part of my life,” You admit. “No matter how bad, you can’t forget something like that.” 

And that’s all you need to say. No goodbye, no farewell greeting. You turn and walk away.

And I let you, Y/N. 

For the first time in my life, I watch someone walk away from me, and that’s it. Out of everyone, I hate that it’s you leaving yet I’m happy that we ended it like this. I watch your wrist swing slightly as you walk, the stringy ends of the bracelet swinging along with it. I think of what you said, about remembering, and I know there’s some truth there. I’ve felt it before, the need to remember Candace and Beck long after I had thought they were gone. For them -- and for me.

But as you turned the corner for the final time, something in me pulls at my senses, telling me what I already know is true.  Your words ring in my mind one final time, but I know you’re wrong this once. 

Sometimes, Y/N, it’s better not to remember, but to forget.  

[jawritter]

Twelve Days Of Christmas

Chapter 10

Summary: Dean never realized that Y/N missed Christmas until he turned off an annoying Christmas song on the radio on the way home from a hunt, now he will make it his personal mission to give her the Christmas he misses so much, and if he plays his cards right, maybe he will give her what he has wanted to give her for so many years, himself.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Written For: @spnchristmasbingo​​​​​​​​​

Square Field: Cas

Word Count: 1750

Warnings: Series finale spoilers here!! Mentions of canon character death, Mentions of grief, some fluff, probably language in there too. This is the heaviest chapter of this series honestly. Mentions of past smut. I think that’s it.

A/N: This is to help me catch up on my SPN Christmas Bingo card lol Chapter 11 will post tomorrow! I knew chapter will post every day until Christmas! I know I’m insane lol. This is a real time fic collection and all mistakes will be my own! Please do not copy my work! Hope you all enjoy these!!

**SERIES MASTERLIST** **MASTERLIST**   **BECOME A

Dean’s sock-covered feet dragged as he made his way down the stairs, and into the kitchen in search of his morning coffee. You were still wrapped up warmly in bed, sound asleep when he’d forced himself up, and made himself get out of bed. 

God knows he didn’t want to get up. He would have rather stayed right there, wrapped up against your warm body, but that would have led to something he wasn’t sure you were ready for yet, and he didn’t want you to feel like just because you were a couple now that you had to sleep with him. 

Sex was something that had been somewhat polluted for Dean over the years. It was just a mechanical function he used to blow off steam or to just scratch that itch. It never meant anything, just another nameless face he’d forget in the morning. With Lisa, it was mostly just something to do to stave off the mind-numbing boredom, but still, even though he did care about Lisa to an extent, it meant nothing. 

When the time finally did come, and they decided to take that step, he wanted it to be different, to actually mean something for him. He wanted that connection he’d always craved, but never been able to achieve. He didn’t want to just go through the familiar physical motions. He wanted more this time. 

He was standing at the kitchen window, looking out over the snow-covered lawn with a cup of coffee in his hand, and his mind swirling in the stress-induced storm that had become his norm over the years when you slipped up behind him, and wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head against his broad back. He seemed to relax a little as soon as your arms were around him, and you would have given your left arm to know what was going on inside that head of his, but you knew Dean, and it was best to let him work himself through it, and if he wanted to talk he would. 

“What’s got you up so early?” Dean asked, sitting the coffee cup down on the counter in front of him and turning to wrap his arms around you, pulling you tighter to him. “You were sound asleep when I got up.”

You shrugged against him, you didn’t want to admit you weren’t asleep when he got up, but rather was just laying there enjoying the warmth his body was providing until he decided to randomly sneak away. 

“Just woke up I guess. What’s got you out of bed so early?” you asked him. 

Dean sighed deeply, resting his chin on the top of your head. “Couldn’t sleep, didn’t want to wake you up. You looked so peaceful laying there.” 

The two of you stood there in comfortable silence for a long time, even though neither of you said anything you could almost feel the wheels turning inside Dean’s head. Dean was a strange, complicated person on a lot of levels. You knew he wasn’t going to completely open up to you overnight, but on days like this, when he seemed stuck in his own head, you wished more than anything he’d let you in. 

Suddenly, Dean stood up straighter, letting go of you and stalking towards the little tree in the living room. The stance of his body had yours suddenly on high alert. It was a predatory prowl that Dean only reserved for hunts or immediate danger, and it had your own hunter scenes on edge. 

Reaching behind you to the knife draw you pull out a butcher knife, never taking your eyes off of Dean as he stalks his way into the living room, seemingly headed for the Christmas tree, but looking around him as if something were going to jump out of the corner of the room and attack at any moment. 

Finally, he reached his goal and stooped down to retrieve what looked to be a deep blue something, warped with a red bow, and a card you hadn’t noticed until he retrieved it. 

Slowly you made your way towards the center of the room where Dean was standing with the little package in hand, your curiosity getting the best of you. 

“What is it Dean?” you ask him quietly, and you were surprised when he jumped a little. Dean didn’t startle easily. 

Dean turned, showing you the little bundle of what looked like silk material, and the folded card, confusion etched deep in his perfect face. 

“You didn’t put this there?” he asked, nodding in the direction of the tree. 

“No, I’ve been with you all night,” you reply, looking closely at the little bundle in Dean’s hand, an uneasy feeling still deep in your bones. 

Dean turned the card over in his hand, reaching it in silence. You watched his features change from something hard and calculating, to soft and almost vulnerable. In fact, you could have sworn he was about to cry. 

He swallowed thickly, handing the card over to you for you to read. It was written in an unkept, child-like scrawl you never thought you’d see again, it was obviously Jack’s handwriting. 

Dean, 

Merry Christmas. Here’s a little something from some of those you have waiting on you in Heaven. Even though we can’t be with you in person this year, we’re here in spirit. So here's a little something to remember them by. 

With love, 

Cas, Mary, and Jack.

Dean’s hands shook as his thick fingers pulled the little silk ribbon, undoing the little bow on the bundle and opening it slowly, revealing Cas’s blue tie, wrapped around Mary’s charm bracelet he’d only ever seen once in his life when he’d traveled back in time to try and stop his mom from making that fatal deal; as well as the mixed tape he’d made Cas so long ago. 

Dean sat down slowly, the little trinkets in his hands that shocked ever so slightly, one single tear sliding down his face as he held the reminders of those he loved and lost. 

You sat down quietly next to him, your hand resting comfortably on his thigh. You wanted to give him his space, but you wanted to also let him know you were there for him. 

“I thought this was lost in the fire,” Dean said finally, shifting the little charm bracelet in his hand. “I looked for it once I returned back to my time period. Looked all through Dad’s stuff, but I never could find it. I just wanted something to hold onto that was hers.”

His eyes shifted to the mixed tape he’d made Cas as he laid the other items down on the coffee table in front of him. “I didn’t even know Cas had kept this.” 

From what little bit you all knew, once Cas had been taken to the empty Jack had rescued him, and they were rebuilding Heaven. You knew that the loss of Cas had affected Dean greatly, you were there sitting outside his door on the nights he thought everyone else was finally asleep, listening to him pray to his friend, begging him to come back just one more time while he thought no one was listening. 

Dean closed his eyes and leaned into you. You didn’t hesitate in wrapping your arms around him, grounding him, letting him quietly work through his emotions. 

“Tell you what,” you say, running your fingers through his sleep tossed hair. “We’ve done enough for me. What do you say we have a Dean day. Sit around here, bake a pie, watch slasher movies or some old westerns, and not even get out of our PJ’s.”

Dean sat up slowly, placing a sweet kiss on your lips. “Let’s save that for tomorrow, today I thought we might head downtown so that you can have a look at those shops that sell that old stuff you love so much, and they’re also having a Whiskey tasting on the main street today. One of the local breweries is throwing it for Christmas.”

Dean sat up, looking at you with a hint of excitement that was hiding behind those shining green orbs of his, the ghost of those memories from the past still lingered there, but he seemed to be handling it well. If you knew Dean, he didn’t want to pass up a whiskey tasting, and you did want to go through those old shops. You loved antique things, and those places were usually littered with them. 

“Okay fine, only if we can go get some more of those waffles from that waffle house first, I’m starving,” you tell him, and watch as his face lights up like you had told him he’d won the lottery. 

“That’s my girl,” he said, pecking you on the lips before gathering up his gifts, carrying them off upstairs to hide them away until he can take them home and add them to that little wooden box he keeps for his most precious possession. 

“Get dressed woman! I’m starving,” he yells down over his shoulder as he disappears from sight, and you smile as you stand from your place on the couch. 

“Thanks, Jack, thanks for giving him something to hold onto,” you whisper to the wind. 

Dean never really got any closure from Cas’s death, and Mary was taken so suddenly away from him again, you could think of no better gift from them this holiday season. This was his first Christmas without Cas, nowhere near the first without his mom, but it was a nice little reminder that even though they weren’t physically here with him, they still were watching out for him. 

Dean wrapped up his gifts back in Cas’s Tie, and placed them safely in his duffle, a soft smile on his face in spite of himself. Sure, it had caught him completely off guard, and at first, the reminder hurt, but the peace he now had in knowing that his mom and Cas were in Heaven waiting on him was an unsuspected gift he wanted, but never thought he’d be able to get. 

It also gave him hope that maybe, for the first time in a long time, he was moving in the right direction and not just in circles of more pain and torment. Hopefully, this was a sign that what he had started with you was the beginning of the peace he’d always wanted, but was never allowed to obtain.

Forever Tags: 

@deandreamernp​

@forgetthisbull​

@miraclesoflove​

@deanwanddamons​​​ 

@rvgrsbrns​​ 

@chevyharvelle​​ 

@onethirstyunicorn​​ 

@i-love-superhero​​ 

@lyss-dw79​ 

@magssteenkamp​ 

@lemondropirwin​ 

@squirrelnotsam​ 

@hobby27​ 

@spnbaby-67​  

@mrsjenniferwinchester​ 

@defenderrosetyler​ 

@screechingartisancashbailiff​ 

@thecreatiivecorner​  

@vicmc624​ 

@busy-bee-angel-misska​ 

@justanotherwinchester​

@brilovesdeanwinchester​

@idksupernatural​

@lyarr24​ 

@amandamdiehl​ 

@miraclesoflove​ 

 @emoryhemsworth​ 

@dean-winchesters-gardian-angel​ 

@softsebastian 

@tatted-trina6​

@anaelsbrunette​ 

@hayleeharling​   

@flamencodiva​ 

@coldmuffinbanditshoe​ 

@dirty-pan-goblin​ 

@itmejado​ 

@supernatural3002​ 

@teresa-67​ 

@thoughts-and-funnies​ 

@hearteyes-j2​

@miss-nerd95​ 

@writers-whirlwind​

@peaches007​

@bobbie3939​

@lunarmoon8​

Jensen and Dean’s Babes

@akshi8278​

@love-jackles-37-blog​

@supernatural-bellawinchester​

@bobbie3939​

Series Tags: 

@440mxs-wife​

[transraptortrainer]

Brooklyn unboxes Kenji's feelings about a certain fanny-pack-wearing, Anky-loving boy they know... Inspired by @theswampspirit 's post!

[FANFIC | Rated T for mild language. Spoilers for Camp Cretaceous S1!]

It was yesterday when they had found it. Footprints by the monorail, both that of small shoes and small dinosaur feet, trailed their way towards the main park. It was the first and only sign that their friend Ben had survived the attack by the pteranodons, and was still on the island with them. 

However, despite their optimism, the kids had yet to find anything else. Rainfall soon after had washed away what remained of the prints, and even then, they were at least a day behind Ben - wherever he was going.

From the south dock, they traveled north to the golf course and reluctantly decided to settle there for the night. Small buildings, parking lots for carts, and rest stops for golfers dotted the grassy plains here. Brooklyn and Kenji remained at a concrete building, keeping the fire going as Darius and the others searched for supplies in the surrounding shops. 

Brooklyn dipped a rag into a small creek and wrung it out slightly. Little bird baths like these were all the kids could manage so far. Unless they found some hot running water at the hotels in the main park, they wouldn't exactly be at their freshest until they were rescued. Not the greatest state of affairs, but "kinda clean" was better than "brachy-behind air quality". 

To her right, Kenji sat, exhausted by their long day of travel. Brooklyn thought about the kind of person she had assumed Kenji to be when they first met, and then compared that to who he ended up being. Sure, he was still a jerk, but only sometimes. Perhaps the most surprising change was how distraught the boy had been after the group had lost Ben. 

The fanny pack, previously dubbed "dork pouch", was tied around his waist, where it had been for days now. He never removed it. Even when Yaz offered to carry it instead, he refused to give it up. At first it was just...sad...it stood as a reminder that they had lost a friend. Brooklyn had wondered if she was the only one who was tired of looking at it and being reminded of the guilt. 

But then there was yesterday. Sammy had spied the prints in the ground and was tied with Kenji for being the first to utter the idea that Ben was still out there. Ever since then, Kenji seemed more like himself. More like everything was alright in his world. 

"You really do miss him, huh?" Brooklyn asked, airing her thoughts in the vaguest possible way.

"What?" Kenji replied, baffled. "No! Who are we talking about? I mean, what kind of monster wouldn't miss his friend-" 

Brooklyn watched speculatively as the boy floundered at the question. It was hilarious, honestly, because who wouldn't think that Kenji, the idiotically boastful yet resourceful smartass, struggling to respond to a simple question was funny? And let's be real, that use of "friend" felt all the more ridiculous as Kenji's hand instinctively rested on the fanny pack around his waist. 

Brooklyn raised an eyebrow and returned to wiping the dirt from her face and hairline. In the past day, the chance that Ben might still be alive felt so much greater. And on another note, it brought her a lot of guilt considering how quickly she assumed the frail, clumsy germaphobe hadn't made it. She had to hope that Ben's feelings wouldn't be hurt. But those signs they had found...it had to mean something. 

"I'm just saying, you've seemed in muuuuch better spirits since yesterday," Brooklyn replied, dragging her sneakers in the loose dirt and piling up a shapeless mound. "Out of all of us, I know you were the most...lost by what happened." 

Kenji scanned Brooklyn's face cautiously, some form of shock in his eyes. Maybe being raised a rich, only child with absent parents had something to do with it, but he always seemed so surprised by how well everyone read him. Maybe more so by the way no one took his bullshit for an answer.

"M-maybe," he finally said. He rubbed a palm against his neck, his brows furrowing. "Maybe!" he said again, seemingly just in case Brooklyn hadn't heard the first time. He looked at the ground, a smile coming across his face, but only briefly. "I wonder how he's doin' out there…" 

Brooklyn rinsed the towel in the stream before snapping it dry and laying it out flat on the rail. "If I know him, he's probably desperately searching for some sanitizer," she joked with a chuckle. 

"If he's not camped out by a log he also tripped on earlier!" Kenji retorted, and the pair's laughter echoed around the clearing, accompanied by the crackle of the fire. 

However, it wasn't long after that Kenji grew quiet yet again. Brooklyn could tell this was one of those rare moments where he actually thought before he spoke. Leaned over his knee, he propped his head up on his hand. "But I wonder if he thinks he's alone here…"

That's a lot of wondering he's doing, Brooklyn thought. She had half the mind to make a joke about him using his brain too much, but that kind of sarcastic reply seemed more like Yaz's territory. "C'mon, Kenji. If we didn't send help back from the mainland, there's no way his mother wouldn't have. He has to know that." 

Kenji nodded slowly, his thumb tapping the fanny pack yet again. "Plus he's got Bumpy, right? Anky-saurus-es or whatever are tough! Not tough enough to take the Indominus, but…" he added. 

"Right!" Brooklyn said with an affirming point of her finger. Whimsically, she plopped onto the concrete ledge across from Kenji and observed him more. 

Now, she didn't want to come off as too people-watch-y. That couldn't be good for the size of Kenji's head. He'd probably say something about how everyone looks to him for guidance or something else indicative of his constant attention-seeking behaviors. But even now, Kenji seemed well within his own mind. 

Still thinking about Ben, she decided. 

The two of them were pretty sweet together. Kenji liked to act like he wasn't a fan of Ben's cuddly and apprehensive nature, but surely he couldn't have hated it that much. Why? Because any good content creator knows when there's more than meets the eye. Maybe Kenji just needed a little push to make him realize. And Brooklyn was a master reporter, of course. If there was one thing she knew, it's that people love to talk about themselves.

"Ben's probably thinking of us too, don't you think? If he's out there, I mean," she began, tipping her chin up to look at the glimmering stars. "Maybe even thinking of you right now." 

Kenji stirred, a small, tired smile making its way into his voice. "What do you mean? After I was such a jerk to him, I kinda doubt it."

"Really?" Brooklyn turned back to him, surprised. 

Gesturing uncomfortably, Kenji seemed to regret his word choice. "Just that...you know, I yelled at him. Said that stuff about Bumpy." His voice trailed off with a surprising guilt. "I - we took him for granted, and it was...shitty of us."

Brooklyn nodded quietly. "Buuut, you also saved his life, you know. I think it's pretty clear that you made him feel safer," she stated warmly, pressing her hands together. 

Kenji shuffled awkwardly, keeping his eyes on the dirt. "You think so?" he asked, before quickly adding, "Not that it matters to me, obviously… Wait, did he tell you that?" 

Could he have been making it any more obvious? Brooklyn giggled, rolling her eyes. "You could call it intuition, or just common sense, seeing-things-because-I-have-eyes?" She lifted her legs onto the bench, laying with her back rested against the wall. "What do you think he'd be doing if he were here now, with us?" 

"Besides churning up some kind of dino baby food for Bumpy?" Kenji said plainly, raising a brow. "He'd probably be flinching at every little noise, just like the rest of us, and clinging to m-" he cut himself off, a first ever blush faintly hitting his cheeks.

"Bingo…" Brooklyn exclaimed quietly with a wink. "Which brings me back to my first question, Mister Kon. You miss him, don't you?" 

Kenji frowned. "If he was here clinging to my side, I'd obviously tell him to relax and let up his superhuman grip!" He paused, drumming his fingers on his knee. "Except I am kind of cold anyway, so if he wanted to sit with me then whatever."

"Soooo, you're telling me if we did find him," Brooklyn prodded. "You definitely wouldn't sweep him up in your arms and smile like the kid with the most candy bars on Halloween?" 

"No!" Kenji replied indignantly. A moment passed. "...Well. Ugh, don't rule it out, I guess. Should've known you were just trying to get me to admit something embarrassing…" 

She smiled softly, placing her hand on her chest proudly. "Well, Brooklyn is the name, annoying pestering is the game."

[imaginingmarvelandeverything]

The Cabin

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader

Warnings: Spoilers for season 3

Word Count: 4299

A/N: So, here is part 20 of Nightmares and Bruises. I’ve only got one exam left and then I’ve officially finished my first year of uni!! That means that after the 26th, I’m going to try and attempt to get back into posting at least one, if not more, chapter a week. This one is really long and most of it is probably waffle, so I apologise. The taglist is open so drop me an ask or a comment! I won’t reply to comments because this is a side blog but know that I see and read them all.

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

After everything that happened at the hospital, they all realised they were up against a lot more than they could ever have imagined. They came to the decision that Jonathan would drive Y/N’s car, because she was in no shape to drive, and would take Y/N, Will and El to Y/N’s house so she could change, as Nancy took the others to her so she could change too. Then they would all meet up at Hopper’s cabin to figure out where they were going to go from here.  

The Jonathan, Y/N, EL and Will arrived first and El had just finished getting changed when Nancy pulled up outside. As they walked in, Nancy handed El a bingo pamphlet with Mrs Driscoll’s picture on it and a picture of Bruce from the newspaper. Y/N handed over a family picture she had picked up in the Holloway’s house and the strip of photobooth pictures that had fallen out of Billy’s locker. Then they set everything up as usual in El’s room and left her to it.

“It can’t be good for her to be in there for this long.” Mike exclaimed after about fifteen minutes, gesturing towards El’s closed door as he paced back and forth in the living room.

“Mike, you need to relax.” Max rested her arms on her knees as she rocked her heels back and forth while sat in one of the arm chairs.

“What if she gets brain damage or something?” Mike countered.

“Oh shit! Is that, like, a real thing?” Lucas asked, taking a break from eating Honey Smacks straight from the box as he leaned back on the sofa.

Max rolled her eyes. “No, it’s not. He made it up. Mike doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.”

“Oh! And you do?” Mike stopped his pacing to face her.

“No, I-…” Max tried to come up with an answer.

Y/N stopped paying attention to their bickering as Nancy started another conversation on the phone.

“Yes, from The Hawkins Post. I-I called a couple of days ago about the… Yes, yes. Um, I was just following up to see if anything else had gone missing, or if…Okay. Um, sorry to bother you.” She slammed the phone back on the stand as Max and Mike continued to argue.

“You okay?”

It took Y/N a minute to realise that Jonathan was talking to her.

“I’m going to take that as a no.” Jonathan smiled and leant on the opposite side of the kitchen island from where her and Will were sitting.

Y/N tried to return it. “It’s just… Everything’s all over the place. The last two times we’ve had some direction but this time… I’m worried about Billy.” She bit her lip and looked at the ceiling to try and stop another set of tears falling.

“We’ll figure it out. Alright? We always do.” He smiled again before Nancy walked over.

“Who’s next?”

“There is no next. Unless you want to start calling random people’s homes.” Jonathan told her as he crossed out the place she’d just called in the phone book.

“It doesn’t make sense!” Nancy said, throwing her notebook down on the kitchen island.

“What part of any of this makes any sense?” Y/N asked, suddenly very aware of the pain in her shoulders. She reached into her bag and took another couple of painkillers with the glass of water Jonathan had given her a while ago.

“There’s a pattern, okay? A consistency to their behaviour.” Nancy looked between the three of them sat in the kitchen. “They’ve been feeding on these chemicals since this started, and-and what? They just stop, out of the blue?”

“Maybe they have all the chemicals they need.” Will spoke up. “Maybe they’ve all turned into those… things.”

“But what about the source? I mean, did the mind flayer just suddenly stop infecting people? And even if the flayed are monsters now, why can’t El find of them?” Nancy rattled off.

“Okay, can you guys settle an argument for us?” Max walked into the kitchen with Mike behind her. “Who do you think should decide El’s limits? Mike, or Eleven?”

“The way that you frame that is such bullshit!” Mike said.

Y/N stood up and walked over to the window. She couldn’t deal with any more arguing. She just wanted answers. She just wanted Billy back.

“What’s going on?” EL’s voice brought everyone out of their various states as they all turned to look at her.

“Nothing! Nothing.” Mike said a little too quickly.

“Just a family discussion.” Lucas added.

“Oh. I found him.” El said.

“Found who?” Y/N walked back over to everyone.

El looked directly at her. “Billy.”

Y/N felt her heart stop. “Where is he?”

“At his house.” EL told her.

She grabbed her car keys and had almost made it to the door when Nancy grabbed her unbroken arm.

“Where are you going?”

“To go see him. He’s still in there Nancy, I can bring him back, I know I can.”

“He nearly killed you, Y/N. Twice from what I can tell. We need more information before we go charging into anything.” Nancy’s grip was firm as she raised her eyebrows, daring Y/N to challenge her.

“Fine, but he only tried to kill me once, the crash was an accident.” Y/N put her keys back in her pocket and let Nancy drag her back into the living room area. Everyone was sat around El, who was sat cross legged in front of the static TV again. When Nancy and Y/N were settled, she tied the bandana around her head again.

It was around five minutes later that she ripped the blindfold back off.

“What’s he doing now?” Max asked as El stood up and walked into the kitchen.

“He’s just sitting, in his room.” El grabbed a glass, filled it with water and then gulped down the whole thing.

“And that’s not normal right?” Nancy asked, her eyes drifting from Max to Y/N.

“Billy staying in his room on the fourth of July? No, that’s not normal.” Max said.

“We were supposed to be going to the fair.” Y/N remembered, even though she knew that was never going to happen right now. She ignored the pain piercing her heart and tried to analyse the situation. “He wants us to find him.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of.” Nancy said, looking directly at Y/N. “If we go to Billy, then the rest of the flayed know where we are.”

“It’s a trap, I agree. We’ll be ambushed.” Mike chimed in.

“We won’t be surprised. We’ll know that they’re coming and we’ll kick their flayed butts.” Lucas said with sheer confidence.

“You mean El will kick their butts.” Max reminded him.

“It’s too risky.” Mike said

“Yeah, and unnecessary.” Nancy backed up her brother. “Killing the flayed won’t kill the mind flayer. We have to find out where it’s spreading from and top it. We have to find the source.”

“Which only one of us has visited, and I can’t even remember it.” Y/N reminded them.

“Billy knows it.” El said. “Billy’s been there. To the source. He was awake, after the crash?”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah, he was. He was covered in dirt and grime and really panicked when I came too in the car. Looked like he’d been dragged across the floor.”  

“Yeah, but-” Mike started.

“It’s a trap.” El finished. “I know. We can’t go to Billy, but I think there’s another way. A way for me to see where he’s been.”

They got everything set up again in the living room. Mike tried to talk her out of it one more time before she went in, but she assured him she would be fine.

Billy sat on his bed with his hands resting on his knees. His eyes were trained straight ahead at his bedroom wall. As El walked closer she could see the cuts from the sauna test seemed to be an even darker shade of black than before. He was still in the white vest and jeans from the hospital. She took shuddering breaths as she got close enough to truly see him. Y/N had been right. His eyes were pained, but the rest of his face and body language was neutral.

El reached forward and took his hand. He didn’t even seem to notice as she lifted his arm up. The scratches Y/N had left at the hospital were littered down his forearm. They had all turned black too.

“Billy?” El spoke softly. “Can you hear me? I want to see. I want to see what happened.”

That seemed to get through to him. He raised his gaze to meet hers. His eyes were glassy with unushered tears. But then his face went hard and he grabbed El’s forearm in a vice like grip. She started to panic as she tried to pull her arm from his grip.

El’s breathing was increasing sharply and none of them knew why.

“Something’s wrong!” Mike said, but no one made any attempt to move; none of them knew what to do.

El fought harder and harder to try and pull her arm out of Billy’s grip. But he held fast.

“Stop! No! No! No! No! NO!” El screamed as she managed to yank her arm back. But in doing so, she sent herself falling backwards.

It felt like she was falling in slow motion. As she fell there were flashes. Flashes of memory. The sauna test. The mind flayer. Y/N pushing her out of the way before Billy’s hand could close around her throat. The mind flayer. Heather’s parents being taken and flayed. The mind flayer. Billy standing over Heather in the basement. The mind flayer. Billy watching them leave the Holloway’s after they had interrupted dinner. The mind flayer. Heather in the ice bath at his house. The mind flayer. Heather being dragged down. The mind flayer. Billy being flayed. Billy flaying Heather. Billy being dragged down into the basement. The mind flayer. The crash.

She hit the floor and was immediately engulfed by a wave. She pushed herself onto her front as she looked around. She was no longer in the upside down, well, not the one she was used to. She was on a beach. She looked to the side as a flock of seagulls took off into the air, cawing to each other as they did so. She struggled to her feet and looked around in confusion.

“El? Are you okay?” Mike was getting worried.

She let out a shaky breath. “I’m okay.”

Everyone released the breathes they had been holding.

“What’s going on?” Mike pressed.

“I’m… On a beach.” She sounded as confused as everyone felt.

“Okay, I may be dense, but the last time I checked, there weren’t any beaches in Hawkins.” Lucas said.

“What else do you see?” Max asked.

As El looked around again, a woman came into focus. She was tall, blonde and beautiful. She was wearing a long white swimsuit cover and had a pair of yellow sandals and a straw sunhat in her hand.

“A woman. She’s… Pretty.” El smiled. “I… I think she’s looking at me.”

The woman smiled in El’s direction and started to wave. “Whooo! Yeah!”

It was then that El noticed the woman was looking behind her. A boy, somewhere between ten and twelve, came running out of the sea with a surf board under his arm. He dropped the board in the sand and ran up to the woman.

“You did it!” She exclaimed as he reached her.

“There’s… A boy.” El told them.

“Did you see that?” The boy asked.

“Yeah, I saw that!” The woman replied before resting her hand on the back of his head and kissing his forehead.

“That was at least seven feet!” It was easy to see the excitement in the boy’s eyes and face.

“I don’t know what it was, but it almost gave me a heart attack.” The woman smiled again.

“Ten more minutes?” The boy asked.

The woman tried to keep her face happy, but there was worry in her eyes. “Yeah, okay, ten more minutes.”

“Okay!” The boy raced back to his surf board with a smile on his face.

“But any longer than that, dad’s going to be mad, okay?” There was an edge of panic to her voice.

“Okay!” The boy was too busy in his element to notice it.

“Billy?” The woman called out as El’s eyes went wide. “Watch out for rip currents!”

“I know!” Billy called as he ran into the sea.

“It’s Billy.” El said.

“It’s California.” Max realised. “It’s a memory.”

Y/N reached over and took her hand. The red head looked up at her and squeezed her hand back as she noticed the older girl’s eyes getting glassy.

El watched from the beach as Billy paddled his surf board back out away from the shore. But her eyes were drawn away by the distant rumbling of thunder and flashes of red lightning.

“I think I see it.” El said. “The source.”

Everyone looked at each other and sat up straighter.

The sky above the beach was clear, but in the distance, dark clouds, tinged with red were forming. El cast one more look out to sea before setting off towards where the clouds had formed. The closer she got, the more the wind seemed to pick up, until it was whipping around her.

“Hey! Billy, stop!” A man’s voice screamed over the wind.

El turned to look as the young Billy walked towards her. He was in full baseball gear and the man was storming after him, baseball bat held under his arm.

“What the hell is wrong with you!” Neil caught up to him and grabbed his arm, hard. “What did we talk about, huh? You gotta slide!”

“I-I-I Know.” Billy stammered.

“Wait, afraid you’re gonna get hurt, is that it?” Neil scoffed.

“No!” The panic in Billy’s voice was building.

“Well, what then? What?” Neil’s voice was getting louder. “What did I raise, a pussy for a son?”

“Leave me alone!” Billy ripped his arm from Neil’s grip and started running.

“Hey! That’s right, run! Like you always do!” Neil screamed after him.

El started after Billy, turning to glare at Neil as she passed. The wind was getting even stronger and the clouds were swirling around her.

“Where were you last night? Where were you?” El couldn’t pinpoint where Neil’s voice was coming from due to the clouds.

“I told you, I was with Wendy!” Billy’s mom shouted back.

“Stop lying to me!”

“I’m not lying to you!”

“You saw him again, didn’t you?” Neil finally came into view. He was gripping Billy’s mom’s arm as Billy sat at the kitchen table, watching everything unfold. “Didn’t you!”

Billy’s mom ripped her arm back and pushed Neil back. “Get away from me! I said get away!” She threw a plate as Neil tried to get close again.

“You- you whore!” There was venom dripping from Neil’s voice.

“Stop it!” Billy screamed as he got in between his parents.

“Bitch!” Neil moved towards Billy’s mom.

“Don’t hurt her!” Billy grabbed Neil’s waist and tried to push him back.

“No!” Billy’s mom screamed.

“Don’t hurt her!” Billy said again.

“You bastard!” Billy’s mom shouted as Neil threw Billy to the floor and punched Billy’s mom in the face.

“Mom!” Billy screamed as he got back to his feet.

“I don’t understand. Why not?” It was Billy’s voice again but it wasn’t coming from the scene in front of El. She spun around and tried to find the source in the clouds. “Please, mom, don’t do this. Please come home.” Billy pleaded. El caught sight of him sat on the floor, leaning against a bed with the phone to his ear. “No, how long? How long! I miss you.” Billy was getting more desperate as sobs racked through his chest.

“Get back here!”

El turned to try and find the source of the new voice. Her eyes landed on a young teenage Billy on top of another teenage boy. Billy was repeatedly punching the other kid in the face.

“Get up! What, are you scared to fight me?” Billy yelled at the boy. “You scared? Get up and fight me, pussy. Pussy!”

El watched with glassy eyes as the sweet boy from the beach began to change into an unrecognisable person.

“Billy, come over here. I want you to meet someone.” Neil came back into focus. He was walking towards Billy, with his hand on a young Max’s shoulder. “This is your new sister. Her name’s Maxine.”

“Max.” Max corrected him.

“Shake her hand.”

The clouds suddenly broke. El found herself face to face with Y/N.

“Y/N?” El muttered.

“What is it?” Y/N shifted forward.

“I can see you. You-You’re walking down a road. It’s night. You’re… Alone.”

Y/N’s voice caught in her throat. “That… That’s the night we met.”

El watched as Y/N pushed her hands further in her hoodie’s pocket. She was clearly cold. She jumped as a car engine cut through the calm night air. El watched as she moved to the side to let the car go past. To El’s surprise the car pulled up.

“Y/N, right?” Billy was smiling, but there was a bruise forming under his left cheekbone.

Y/N nodded.

“What you doing out this late in the cold, princess?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” Y/N shrugged as Billy’s eyes surveyed her shivering figure.

“Want to come for a drive? I’d rather not leave you out here in the cold.” He reached over and opened the passenger side door without waiting for an answer. “You shouldn’t be out here alone, it’s dangerous.”

As Y/N got into the car the clouds descended again. El spun and found Y/N kneeling in front of Billy with tears streaming down her cheeks and her hands gripping his shirt. Billy was bloody and beaten and there were tears in his eyes too. Steve was on the floor behind Y/N, not moving.

“Stop, don’t become your dad. Billy please.” Y/N pleaded with him. “I meant what I said; I love you.”

“You can’t just say that and then disappear with someone else!” Billy’s voice was broken.

The clouds vanished again and El found herself stood in Billy’s room. Y/N was leaning over the side of his bed, looking through the paperbacks that she had pulled out from under his bed. Billy was laid behind her on the bed, holding a book above him as he read it. El had never seen either of them so calm.

“Hey, what’s this?” Y/N’s fingers gripped the spine of a very beat up copy of The Catcher in the Rye. She sat up on the bed and opened the book; photographs falling out as she did.

“I didn’t know where else to put them.” Billy put his book down and sat up next to her. He rested his weight on his left arm, next to her hip as he rested his head on her shoulder and reached for the top picture.

El moved closer to get a look. Most of the pictures were of Y/N and Billy, a few of just Y/N, but there was one of Billy and his mom. Y/N picked that one up. Billy noticed her looking at it.

“That was just before she left.” His voice dropped almost to a whisper.

“I’m not going anywhere, you know that, right?” Y/N turned to look at him.

He moved his hand to her face and brushed his thumb over her cheekbone. “I know. I promise we’ll never be like that; I won’t be like him. I will never hurt you; I promise.” He leaned forward and kissed her. Her hands moved to his hair before he pulled back and rested his forehead on hers. “I promise.”

“Who’s there?” The clouds engulfed everything again as Billy shouted.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Y/N’s voice rang out.

El spun around in circles but couldn’t see either of them.

“I said who’s there!” Billy screamed as he was pulled to the ground.

But El still couldn’t see him. She pushed through the clouds as the wind picked back up. She had to raise her arm to protect her eyes. Billy continued screaming as El could finally make out the Camaro’s headlights. She started moving faster as the screaming got louder. But it suddenly stopped as she broke through into the eye of the storm. She looked around at the old steelworks and saw the Camaro against one of the walls. The lightning and thunder picked up again as she walked towards the main building.

“I think I found it. The source.” El said as all the others leaned forward.

“Where El? Where are you?” Max asked.

“Brimborn… Steelworks.”

Jonathan shot to his feet and ran over to the kitchen island. When he came back, he was clutching the phone book in his hand. “Here. Okay, uh, steelworks, steelworks.” He started flicking through the pages as Nancy got up to join him. “Here steel. Uh, found it! 6522 Cherry Oak Drive.”

“That’s close.” Nancy said.

“El, El, we found it. Get out of there. Get out!” Mike said.

El heard him but as she closed her eyes, she felt herself falling back up. As she did, she saw the crash, she saw Billy trying to wake Y/N up, saw him getting dragged into the basement. She saw Heather again, and everything that had happened to her, and everything else she had seen while she was falling, just in reverse.

El ripped the blindfold off and looked around the cabin, only to find that she was alone. “Mike? Mike?” She didn’t understand where everyone could have gone when Mike was just speaking. She pushed herself to her feet as she started to panic. “Mike! Mike! Mike!”

“He can’t hear you.”

El spun around to try and find the source of the voice. Her eyes landed on her open bedroom door as a shadow appeared on the wood, before Billy stepped into view. El took a step back on reflex as he paused in the door way.

“You shouldn’t have looked for me.” It was the same as before, his voice seemed to have an edge, like multiple people were talking at once. “Because now I see you.” He crushed his cigarette in the ashtray on the hall table as he started towards El. “Now we all see you.”

El started backing up, panic clawing up her throat as she looked at the boy who was so broken and alone. Who had finally managed to catch a break but the world seemed determined to not let him have it.

“You, let us in and now, you are going to have to let us stay.” Billy kept advancing as El took steps back. It was then she noticed his eyes and recalled what Y/N had said. Tears were forming along his lash lines. Billy, the real Billy, was still in there, watching all of this and fighting so hard to break free.

“Don’t you see? All this time, we’ve been building it.”

El could no longer hold in the sobs that racked through her chest. She didn’t know how to get out.

“We’ve been building it, for you.” The tears finally began to fall. He was in pain.

“What are you doing?” Mike shouted as Y/N moved towards El. “You can’t touch her when she’s in there!”

“We have to do something! Look at her! I have to try!”

El felt something grasp her hand and when she looked up, Y/N was standing next to her. Y/N’s eyes grew wide as she looked around the cabin and then met Billy’s eyes.

“Billy?” Her voice was soft and pained.

The mind flayer didn’t seem phased, but there was a slight change in Billy’s eyes as he looked at her. El tugged Y/N back as Billy carried on towards him.

“All that work, all that pain, all of it, for you.”

El and Y/N hit the kitchen island and Y/N pulled her to the side. But they were running out of room to move.

“El, you have to do something.” Y/N’s eyes never left Billy as she felt tears starting to fall down her own cheeks. El didn’t appear to have heard her over her own sobbing and focus on Billy.

“And now, it’s time. Time to end it. And we’re going to end you. And when you are gone, we’re going to end her,” Billy’s gaze moved back to Y/N, who gripped El’s hand tighter. “and all of your friends.”

“No!” El screamed.

“And then we are going to end everyone.”

El finally snapped out of it and threw up the hand that wasn’t holding Y/N’s. “GET AWAY!”

Billy was thrown backwards.

“NOOOOOO!” El screamed as she ripped the actual bandana off.

Y/N fell back, breathing hard, as Mike grabbed El and pulled her into him. Nancy and Jonathan grabbed hold of Y/N’s arms and pulled her up.

“What happened?” Nancy asked.

Part 21 

[sailorbadger]

Book Review - 6 modern female-led Robin Hood adaptations

In the past 8 months or so I have read/watched/listened to over 30 different Robin Hood adaptations. Over the summer I found myself reading almost exclusively adaptations that were written by women and centered women in the story one way or another. (I also found out that “lesbian Robin Hood” is a whole genre on its own.) I decided to write short reviews for 6 of these books since I know I have followers that probably share my enjoyment of this particular niche. 

This post includes spoiler-free reviews for the following books

Outlaw and Scarlet by Niamh Murphy

Nottingham: The True Story of Robyn Hood by Anna Burke

Hood by Jenny Elder Moke

Marian, Princess Thief by C.K. Brooke

Heart of Sherwood by Edale Lane

The rest of the post will be under the cut since this is quite long.

Despite the fact that I read other books that could technically fit this same category, I decided to focus on these six in my review because these ones are easily accessible to most of my audience (meaning that they are in English and new enough - the oldest one being from 2018 I think - so that you should be able to find them easily). 

I tried to keep these reviews relatively short and spoiler-free. That means that describing specific plot points is impossible because in most of these, the basic premise is the typical Robin Hood origin story. I tried to focus on my general feelings about the books and the characters and their relationships. 

I won’t be doing any numerical ratings. I know that the order in which I read these impacted on how I felt about them. If I had read them in a different order, I would probably feel differently about some of them. That’s why it’s difficult for me to give any real ratings. The reviews are not in any real order either, apart from my favorite being the last one.

These reviews are also about 75% serious and 25% not serious. When my friend and I started to go through all these different Robin Hood adaptations, we made a bingo card that features tropes/themes/details found in a lot of different versions of the story. I’ll leave quick comments on the reviews on how each of these did, but I won’t go too much into detail on those.

Niamh Murphy: Outlaw & Scarlet

I grouped these two books together because they are the first two parts of a series. My understanding is that the author does plan on eventually releasing more, but since Scarlet was released this year, it might take a while. If a third book does come out, I might read it, but I’m not in a hurry to reread these two.

Outlaw tells the story of how Robyn, the daughter of a baron, ends up becoming an outlaw. If you are familiar with at least a few Robin Hood adaptations, you will know how it goes. There are no big surprises, but I suppose the purpose of this story is to introduce us to the characters and set the scene for the later books. Scarlet continues Robyn’s story and introduces a new character to the story. (I won’t go too much into details on the second book to avoid spoilers, since its plot does not follow familiar beats as much as the first one.)

Besides the books on this list, I have also read/watched/listened to several other Robin Hood adaptations as well, and when it comes to plot, Outlaw lands in the “uninteresting” section. There was nothing new or exciting there, and seeing that I have spent most of the year in a Robin Hood -bubble, I was left wanting more. Scarlet was a slight improvement seeing as Outlaw was mostly a very generic Robin Hood origin story. Together they still feel like this is just the beginning of a longer story, so I hope that if a third book comes out we get into the real action.

Outlaw is marketed as a “lesbian retelling” of the Robin Hood story, but compared to some of the other titles on this list, I was left wanting more. The romance aspect is barely there, so if you’re going to pick these up for Robyn and Marian’s relationship, prepare for slow burn. 

The characters didn’t leave a huge impression on me. I do have to say that the Sheriff’s wife was interesting and I wish we had gotten more of her. Other than her, I felt that at times many of the characters could have been from any adaptation. 

Overall, there wasn’t anything really wrong with these books, but they just didn’t entertain me as much as the others. I feel that if I had read these before all the other ones on this list, I would have enjoyed them more. Outlaw and Scarlet are a good read for someone who wants a basic Robin Hood story with a lesbian lead. I still think that marketing the first book as a “lesbian retelling” is setting unrealistic expectations for some, but I hope that in the future the series really earns that title.

I completely forgot to fill out a bingo card for these two and at this point I have forgotten many of the details so unfortunately we’ll never know the result. Most of the tropes hit were so general they probably weren’t on our card anyway.

Anna Burke: Nottingham: The True Story of Robyn Hood

Out of all of the books in this list, Anna Burke’s Nottingham is perhaps the most explicit in its queerness. Although the story obviously doesn’t use modern labels, I would say that it includes representation for (at least) lesbian, bi and trans character(s). None of this feels too out-of-place, and instead Nottingham offers a (mostly) historically accurate Robin Hood tale with a queer main cast.

The plot mostly follows your typical Robin Hood -formula: After a hunting accident, Robyn becomes an outlaw, surrounds herself with loyal friends and helps those in need. This aspect of the book doesn’t offer any new ideas or challenge the existing ideas about Robin Hood as a story. However, it focuses more on the characters, so it doesn’t really need anything new. Marian especially has to come to terms with her feelings towards Robyn and women in general. I do have to say though, that the romance between Robyn and Marian happens a little fast - they only meet a few times before falling in love. [Insert joke about lesbians moving too fast here] It didn’t bother me too much, but I do wish there had been a little more buildup. 

From this list, I read this book the most recently. It may be that I was just so burned out from reading all these Robin Hood -stories but I didn’t connect with the book that well. I enjoyed it, but I wish there had been more of that fun sense of adventure I look for in these stories. 

I would recommend Nottingham to anyone who wants to read a story that manages to be historically accurate and use the Robin Hood mythos to its advantage while not shying away from its portrayal of queerness. Although it did not hold my attention as well as some of the other books, it is still written well and has a good story.

This book didn’t get a bingo unless you interpret “lähentely* which is uncomfortable for the audience” as the sex scene (there is sex in this book but nothing that explicit, I would say high T/low M in Ao3-ratings) being uncomfortable for the reader OR the third person in that scene being uncomfortable. About half of the bingo card was still filled.

*I couldn’t come up with a good translation for this word, it means something along the lines of making moves/coming onto someone/making advances, though for this bingo I use it to generally mean anything flirty/intimate/sexual/etc.

 Jenny Elder Moke: Hood

This book was the first one on this list I read. Compared to the other novels, I would say that Hood is the least like your typical Robin Hood story. The book follows Isabelle, Robin and Marian’s daughter, who has to find her father in order to save her mother. The adventure is brand new, though there are still familiar characters and the basic concept of Robin Hood is honored. This is a story about the next generation of outlaws, so if you’re looking for something that focuses on characters from the legends, you may be disappointed.

Speaking of the characters, I loved Little, Patrick and Helena. I could have just read a book where this group of young outlaws has adventures and been satisfied. Unfortunately I didn’t connect well with the main lead, Isabelle, and the love interest, Adam, felt like a very generic hot guy from a YA novel. The romance itself is practically non-existent, and honestly I could have done without it. Seriously, I had completely forgotten about that whole thing until I started writing this review. This story is more about Isabelle’s relationship with her parents, which I like. She also gets to build genuine friendships with the other characters. I just wish the book had been a little longer so that it could have spent more time developing some of these relationships.

Had I read this book when I was a teenager, I most likely would have loved it a lot more. It is YA, and at times it really shows. As far as Robin Hood stories go, I generally enjoy the “outlaws being outlaws in the forest” content the most, and unfortunately this featured surprisingly little of it. It still offered its own take on what could happen after the legends everyone knows, even if it doesn’t add much to the legends themselves.

It is important that I mention here that if Allan has a child in an adaptation, this child must be named either Allan jr. or Alana. This book fulfills this basic need for me and I am satisfied. It also checked most of the boxes on the bingo, and I almost filled the whole sheet. So somehow, despite not really following the typical Robin Hood formula, Hood managed to include all the important tropes.

If you are a teenager who enjoys Robin Hood -stories, I would definitely recommend this book. It’s not the best YA novel out there, but it’s a good standalone story. I think that for adults, this can be a good read if you are a fan of Robin Hood -stories and/or enjoy this type of YA anyway. I wasn’t sure what type of book this was when I started reading, but if you just prepare yourself for a fun adventure aimed at young teens, you can enjoy this. It’s very quick to read, I think I read it in one day.

Also, I must quote a review I saw on Storygraph (imagine this is in all caps) : “hjsxhfjsdksfjk???????????? Patrick best character no cap”

C. K. Brooke: Marian, Princess Thief

In Marian, Princess Thief, Robin Hood doesn’t exist at all. Instead the story follows Marian, who in this version is a princess, who escaped an assassination attempt and is now living in the forest as an outlaw with six other women - the genderbent versions of the Merry Men. Eventually there is a romance in this book as well, but the biggest force carrying through the book is the friendship between the women. If I had to describe the novel in just one word, I would say it’s lovable. If I had to describe it in two, I would say it’s dissappointingly heterosexual. 

Maybe the fact that I found a genre that is basically “lesbian Robin Hood” has ruined me, but how can you write a story that features seven women living in the forest as outlaws, and not one of them is queer? This is entirely a thing that bothers me personally, and the book doesn’t need queer representation to be good, but there is no reason to not include it. Headcanons can fortunately go a long way, but I’m just saying that you could easily keep everything about Scarlett’s backstory the same except make her a lesbian. (In fact, I’m 98% joking when I say that her not being a lesbian is a homophobic choice. I will elaborate on this if you ask me but I won’t go too much into it here because I would have to explain things about other adaptations as well.)

As for the straight romance, I can’t say that I was feeling it. I could see the points where I was supposed to feel something, so maybe it’s just the fact that I’m aspec myself, but I didn’t care that much about it. Still, it was refreshing to see a story where the romance doesn’t overshadow the friendships between the women, and instead they are valued just as much (if not more) as the romantic relationship. The story doesn’t dig too deeply into the characters, but I still loved all the women. (I don’t care about the male lead. But I know others who would.)

I think the biggest “problem” this book has (apart from not making Scarlett a lesbian) is that the ending feels just a little bit rushed compared to the rest of the novel. I still think that the novel achieves everything it tries to do, but I could have used one more chapter to flesh out the climax.

The bingo card wasn’t even close to being full, but you know what, Marian, Princess Thief is good enough as it is and doesn’t need to follow all the familiar tropes. Still, how hard is it to include a bird?

This was a very quick read, in fact I basically just read it all in one go. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to read something lighthearted and, like me, is often disappointed by the lack of women in Robin Hood stories.

To end this, I will leave you with a translated quote from my WhatsApp commentary: “What is it that in all these Robin Hood stories these old dudes are all after these young maidens like get yourself a hot milf and leave the kids alone”

Edale Lane: Heart of Sherwood

Heart of Sherwood is my favorite Robin Hood -novel that I have read so far. It has just about everything I could want: good characters, a fun sense of adventure, political scheming, great relationships (both romantic and platonic) and a good ending. I was less than two chapters into this book when I knew that this would be a difficult one to top.

The premise of this book is very similar to Burke’s Nottingham: both follow the story of Robyn becoming an outlaw, making friends with the other Merry (Wo)Men and developing a relationship with Marian. I don’t want to compare these two stories too much, but I did prefer the more lighthearted tone of Heart of Sherwood. This was also the first book where I was actually invested in the romance. Normally in pretty much all Robin Hood adaptations, the relationship between Robin and Marian doesn’t interest me greatly; I don’t mind it, but it’s not something I have too many personal feelings about. However, only a few chapters into Heart of Sherwood I thought: “If these two don’t get a happy ending I’m going to jump out of the window.” (I won’t spoil where this threat ended up going.)

One thing I appreciate about the romance in this one is that Robyn and Marian already know each other, so I didn’t have to deal with a romance that develops too fast. The novel also had other things to offer besides being a “lesbian Robin Hood” story, so I didn’t feel like I had to enjoy the romance to enjoy the whole story. I was very invested the whole way through, and out of all the books I’ve reviewed here, this one made me the most emotional. 

As a fan of the BBC show, I do have to say that this novel had a very similar vibe; there was a good balance of action and humor. Maybe that was a part of why I enjoyed this so much. I was also able to predict exactly how certain things would end up. I kind of wish I would have been more surprised. 

This novel is well paced, it is exactly the right length for the story it’s telling and overall I can’t really find things to complain about. If I wasn’t petty, I would give this book full five stars, but because I am petty, for very personal reasons I’m giving it 4,99999… stars. As for the bingo, this one filled most of the sheet.

I’ll end this review with this random line I had shared on WhatsApp for some reason: ""Does this mean I am dead?" Alan asked in jest. - - - "Nay; same annoying jester, alive as ever, and likely wanting for a pint about now."”

Conclusion

Writing these reviews was surprisingly difficult because most of the stories follow the same formula, so commenting on anything that moves away from said formula could be considered a spoiler. Hopefully if you read this far you were still interested enough in at least one of these books and feel inspired to read them. I would happily recommend any of them, and if you want to know my more detailed thoughts on them, feel free to message me. The same applies to all the adaptations I’ve gone through. I have Thoughts that I’m dying to share. 

[aion-rsa]

Batwoman Season 2 Episode 1 Review: What Happened to Kate Kane?

https://www.denofgeek.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/batwoman-new-costume-changes.png?resize=400%2C400

This Batwoman review contains spoilers for Season 2, Episode 1.

Batwoman Season 2, Episode 1

The freshman season of Batwoman made for a perfectly fine show with a serviceable story and people who undoubtedly can act, but inexplicably chose not to. It isn’t bad, but it isn’t exactly good either, existing in some kind of nebulous, mediocre middle ground that can be a dangerous place for series to linger too long in the era of peak TV. Still, The CW show put a queer female superhero on our television screens every week, which somehow still feel progressive despite the fact that gay people were invented centuries ago. Then, Kate Kane (Ruby Rose) donned a modified and bewigged batsuit and rose to folk hero status as Batwoman in Berlanti’s vision of Gotham City. Now, Ryan Wilder (Javicia Leslie) is stepping into her bulletproof boots, and facing off with new and familiar foes.

Ruby Rose announced her departure from Batwoman after the end of season one, which left the show’s writers with a challenge, and more than a few loose ends. Fortunately—or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it—Kate’s presumed death in a plane crash at the top of this episode wraps up her story quite succinctly. It is surprisingly easy for the writers to make room for a new lead without disrupting the larger narrative in any substantial way. This should be upsetting, Kate should feel more integral to the show, but I wasn’t very invested in her, and it seems neither was the plot.

In the inadvertent season one finale, Kate’s dad and leader of the Crows pretended to ally with Batwoman, but pulled the okey doke and tried to capture or kill her instead. Sadly, we won’t get to see this family drama play out, but there is still storytelling potential in Jacob discovering the truth about Kate and reckoning with what that means now that she’s gone. (It’ll be interesting to see how they play the Crows vs. Batwoman dynamic now that the woman behind the cowl is Black.) With Kate’s death, Alice’s plan for familial revenge is ruined. She gave Tommy Elliot Bruce’s face so he could procure kryptonite for her that she would then give to Jacob, who would kill Batwoman, presumably before realizing she is his daughter. As revenge plots go, it is brilliant. Unfortunately, as we learn at the end of the episode, Safiyah beat Alice to the punch by taking down the plane. Now, Alice has a new nemesis, and we have a new Batwoman.

Kate’s plane crashes near where Ryan is parked in the van she lives in. She examines the wreckage, saves someone with CPR, and finds the Batsuit. She immediately has plans for what she’s going to do with that newfound power, and she wastes no time getting after it. We learn pretty much everything about Ryan Wilder—through flashbacks, google searches, and the obligatory CW superhero monologue. Ryan’s birth mom died in childbirth and her dad wasn’t around. She was raised in the system, where she got into trouble, until she was adopted, and turned her life around. She and her mom moved to a nice(r) apartment, but squatters attacked them, and her mom died. Later, she was framed and convicted for drug possession with intent and incarcerated for 18 months. She can’t find work because of her record and she can’t pay her court fees because she can’t find a job, and she lives in a van.

*deep, heavy, negro spiritual sigh* This is where I digress …

Ryan Wilder is damn near a full board on the trauma bingo, and doesn’t even need the free space. My excitement when Javicia’s Leslie was cast was immediately dampened by my concern with how she would be introduced to the audience. The character bio they attached to the announcement did not assuage my fear that the Black, queer superhero would be reduced to overcoming a tough childhood or a “troubled” past. It felt inevitable, yet I was disappointed to be right. Still, I reserved judgement til I could see for myself how those choices shape the character.

Bruce Wayne and Kate Kane are rich, privileged, white folks whose problems will never threaten their comfort or security. Ryan Wilder comes from poverty and violence, and is an extreme departure from her vigilante counterparts. On the one hand, it feels more apt for someone to wear the suit who has lived in the Gotham that the Waynes And Kanes of the world can ignore from their penthouses. On the other, Black women can have trust funds, too.

All I’m saying is, choices were made. And this episode leans into the worst of those choices, when we flash back to the death of Ryan’s adoptive mom multiple times throughout. It isn’t the most violent death, and it is an effective tool for telling this particular story. We can immediately empathize with Ryan because we know what she’s been through and what she’s lost, but there are ways to motivate her that don’t require her trauma being played on a loop in her own head and on our screens. But I won’t dwell on this if the show won’t—and I hope they won’t—but writers need to examine why they assign certain attributes to characters when they are portrayed by certain people. Is all I’m saying.

Ryan suits up and seeks out leads on the people responsible for her mother’s murder, which just so happens to be the Wonderland gang, and Alice. This opens the door for an exciting rivalry, with both parties bringing an entirely different energy. Alice was a cute villain but her connection to Kate meant that there was a limit to how far she would go. She had many opportunities to kill her sister, and didn’t, so her threats became somewhat hollow even though she did a lot of other damage. This season, though, Kate is gone and Alice has neither her, nor Mouse, to keep her grounded. Alice unbound could be very fun, and with the way her story intersects with Ryan’s, there’s a lot of potential for conflict and some really great showdowns. Bring in Safiyah, who also has Julia Pennyworth on her shit list, and it’s a regular ruckus.

Read more

TV

How Batwoman Season 2’s Batsuit Improves on the Original

By Kayti Burt

TV

Batwoman Season 2 Casts Victor Zsasz

By Jim Dandy

What I enjoy most about this episode is how seamlessly Ryan is pulled into the existing narrative, and how comfortable Leslie looks in the role. Leslie doesn’t feel like a replacement; she feels like a correction. Ryan is more fun to watch, and has a bit more chemistry with Mary and Luke. She’s also queer and Sophie is out of the closet, and I’d be very happy to see a healthy Black queer couple, though shipping is not the point. I’m already more invested in Ryan than I ever was with Kate. That will not be the universal experience, but Julia Pennyworth is still there if you need badass sapphic white girl representation.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Ryan wants justice and she, for the first time, has the power to obtain some version of it. But she’s a hero, or will be, and ultimately decides that the suit and what it represents is bigger than her and her personal vendettas. She’s someone worth rooting for, and I am ready to see what she has to offer. There is so much potential for compelling storytelling, and I am hesitant but hopeful that this season of Batwoman will deliver.

The post Batwoman Season 2 Episode 1 Review: What Happened to Kate Kane? appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/39L00hr