#So tl;dr I hope they walk it back immediately and clarify | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chasingshhadows · 5 years ago

Text

on michael & maria

Yup, Imma talk about it.

I’m unfortunately well aware of the ~discourse~ on this particular topic, but I have Opinions and Feelings so I’m gonna share them. In this post, I’m gonna follow their relationship from the beginning of the show through episode 1.11 (Champagne Supernova). (The events of 1.13 are a topic that I’ll be addressing separately and a bit more in-depth.)

I am in what appears to be a minority of Malex Roswell fans that thinks the show did a really great job of setting up and seeing through the relationship with Michael and Maria, both in the ways it became physical and the ways it became emotional.

Before I begin, I want to emphasize something about this relationship that seems to bother a lot of people or maybe just go unnoticed: Much of the development between these two, while absolutely present, is not overt and oft times isn’t even on-screen. I get why and how this bothers people because it’s understandable to want to see character development on-screen and not have to infer it from context or subtext, or have to rely on people like me to do the work of going through the season and finding it. Plus, that means it likely falls through the cracks for most casual viewers who don’t take the time to process and analyze the meanings behind what they’re seeing. I get that, and understand that it’s frustrating.

That said, I’m here to play with everything the show has given us, and that includes the subtleties of the Michael & Maria dynamic. I’m a master extrapolator ok.

And just a ~warning~ to the shippers reading this: This post is about Michael & Maria and their relationship and how it builds and grows. This is not an extended diss post on Maria or Miluca, so if that’s what you’re looking for, this post is not for you. That said, I would be remiss in not acknowledging to any Miluca fans reading this that I am a hardcore Malex shipper and can’t guarantee that my bias in that way doesn’t leak through. Just - you’ve been warned.

Also to clarify - when I use the word “relationship,” I do not mean Relationship like, couple. I mean, any two people that interact with each other have a relationship with each other.

TL;DR: Michael and Maria were and are far closer as friends than most people seem to believe before they became involved. The journey of them hooking up, catching feelings, and coming together is marked by progressively stronger signs of affection and attraction. The development is there, if you care to look for it.

And now that my thesis is clear, let me show my work.

Anyway. Let’s start at the beginning.

We learn right as Michael is introduced that he spends a lot of time at the Wild Pony, and that getting arrested for getting drunk and getting into fights there is a common occurrence for him. As Maria runs this bar, this means the two of them spend a lot of time together, likely at odds considering she’s probably the one calling the cops.

The first interaction they have as characters isn’t an interaction at all, and seems to contradict the last assumption, at least in one way. Because Maria sees Alex looking at Guerin and the first thing she says about it?

She acknowledges he’s “rifraff” but then immediately says she thinks he’s hot. And then at Alex’s dubious look, she tries to justify. Which means that’s something she’s noticed, and the “sex in a truck” is something she’s thought about. And she and Alex have an easy enough relationship even after a decade spent mostly apart that she feels comfortable bringing that up. She’s gossiping about cute boys with her long lost best friend and Guerin is the cute boy on her mind right now.

This, my friends, is what we in the biz like to call foreshadowing.

Now, something that is entirely not stated but is at least tangentially hinted at: Michael is a punchy drunk that intentionally picks fights at the Wild Pony. Now, who do we know who appears to also spend a lot of time at the Wild Pony and are also walking “Hit Me” signs? That’s right, Racist Wyatt & Racist Hank. I’m not saying it happens every night or even every week, but I have to imagine at least a few times over the years, Michael decided to take out his dramatic cowboy angst on the two racist assholes spouting off in the corner. And regardless of her distaste for the violence and her annoyance at needing to call the cops again, I have to imagine that Maria at least noticed that Michael is throwing punches for the right reasons sometimes. (and again, none of this is explicitly stated, but all of the pieces are laid out and it doesn’t take a casual viewer to put them together).

We first see them actually interact at the bar during the blackout and it is hella flirtatious; they’re both smirking, leaning forward, teasing. It’s playful.

More than that though, it speaks to a deeply ingrained familiarity, friendliness, and banter. Michael swipes a bottle from behind the bar - an expensive bottle, apparently - as if that’s just a normal thing for him to do. And Maria doesn’t even try to stop him - sure, she Hey!’s him, but her only objection is, “that’s a health code violation” as she goes about cleaning up the bar and collecting glasses.

Again, I know this is subtle, but it says so much about their relationship before this moment. That Maria lets him grab the bottle. That he hears that he’s caught and just…. continues opening the bottle while making a teasing comment about her power-outage decorations. That she just watches as he takes a drink straight from the bottle. The soft, teasing “Didn’t I ban you for life?”

This isn’t behavior she would allow from just any customer and especially not one who we’re led to believe is a Problem Customer. And their conversation about his tab and such indicates they aren’t like, best friends or anything, but they’re on familiar enough territory that they can joke and tease and steal liquor like it’s habit, like it’s just how they are.

And remember - they both grew up in this town. They’ve probably known each since they were 11 (when Michael was sent back to Roswell) but definitely knew each other in high school. I doubt they ever hung out or even really interacted all that much but they have that awkward “I know too much about you because we’ve been sharing space for 15 years” thing going on.

And now Maria has watched him make a valiant attempt to drink himself to death for half a dozen years and bury his sorrows in anyone that’ll have him. She’s smart, she’s learned her lesson with Chad, she doesn’t just want to be another notch in Guerin’s bedpost.

But, he’s cute and he’s safe, so she flirts.

I mean look at this:

Like fuck, she’s practically purring.

Michael is clearly on board with that mood. This is sexy, this is him fully ready to hear exactly what he can do for Maria, this is his mind in the gutter.

He makes a joke - in a super sultry voice, mind you - about being her least favorite customer, to which she laughs while passing him glasses for the tequila (yes, it’s mezcal, I know) he stole.

This is all very friendly, y’all. And that doesn’t mean they’re the braid-each-other’s-hair, tell-me-all-your-deepest-secrets type of friends, but they are friends. Not best friends, but casual friends. Almost a coworkerly-type of teasing affection. They’re two people wholly comfortable with the other, they’re fond of each other. They tease each other but there’s never any bite - it’s playful and fun and easy. They sit on opposite sides of that bar at least several times a week and yeah, Maria has to call the cops when shit gets rowdy, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t appreciate Guerin’s personality and presence, or that he doesn’t enjoy the teasing banter with the hottie behind the bar that he knows he has no chance with.

From there, Isobel steals the floor, and Maria is annoyed and not taking shit. She makes a crack about Michael’s drinking, and Isobel makes her move.

And then Maria sees something I’m sure she’s seen before when he’s with Isobel but is still at odds with the Guerin in her mind - she sees Michael being soft, tender, and concerned.

And this prompts Maria, for what I believe is the only time in the first season, to call him Michael.

Jump to the day when both Isobel and Mimi go into institutions. Maria has reached her limit. She’s strung out, she’s had to fall back on her last resort because nothing else has worked and she’s feeling like a failure; she’s feeling lost because her mom has been her rock her entire life. And Michael is actually in a similar place. He’s been trying to protect Isobel, his own rock, from herself for so long, he’s let that destroy himself, his hope, his future, and now she’s put herself in the hands of people he vehemently distrusts because he failed.

So, they’re both here to drown their sorrows at the bottom of a bottle. And again, let’s talk about the fact that Michael gets an entirely different treatment than any other customer that might walk through that door. Because what she sees in that mirror? It’s a kindred spirit. It’s a broken man who’s been crumbling on a stool in her bar for years and who looks just like she feels: like he’s just a step away from shattering.

And this is also Michael Guerin, with whom she shares an easy camaraderie, who she knows can be soft. So, she lets him stay.

One drink. No talking.

She passes him the bottle and he sighs in relief because Maria is giving him exactly what he needs right now. To not be alone with his thoughts. To lose himself a little bit in a haze, to let the alcohol blur the self-hatred swirling in his mind.

And Maria, Maria doesn’t wanna crack. She doesn’t want to fall apart, because she can’t, because it’s her job to hold it together - for her mom, for her friends, for this town. She’s supposed to be the fun, happy friend, the bartender, the good time.

She’s not allowed to break.

But she knows if she opens her mouth, she will. So when Guerin starts to thank her, she shuts him right down.

Notice that she calls him Guer? Not Guerin. Not even Michael. But Guer. That’s soft, that’s familiar. That’s a nickname, and it rolls off her tongue like that’s normal. Like she’s used it before.

It’s these things, y’all, the little things that truly show us the depth of this relationship. I’ve seen said more times than I can count that Michael and Maria’s connection, their friendship, him “knowing her”, her feelings - that they all came out of nowhere. That these two went 10 years without liking each other or being attracted to each other and ~one day~ it all just changed. And that’s just not true. This thing between them, it’s been there, simmering, slowly building. The signs are there if you know what you’re looking for, if you know what it looks like before two people that know each other fall into bed, before they catch feelings.

And y’all, these two? Are a veritable construction zone of signs.

What happens next is pivotal to this relationship. Because Maria was right, opening her mouth was a catalyst and she starts to crack, and then loses it completely.

And this, this is new for Michael. Maria never cracks, never cries. She’s a firecracker and a half, fierce and strong, she commands the room, and never shows weakness. It takes him a moment to catch up to what he’s seeing and then-

This is so soft. He lets out a comforting “hey” as he wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her close, holds her tight. Tries to give her the stability she’s clearly lacking, lets her lean on him for support.

He’s there for her. He doesn’t ask questions. He doesn’t try to tell her it’s ok. Doesn’t cross any boundaries. He’s just there, just present, and lets her take what she needs from him in that moment.

This, again, proves the depth of their bond. Their friendship. Maria wouldn’t let any deadbeat from the bar touch her like that, especially not in a moment of weakness. And Michael wouldn’t offer unconditional comfort to anyone either - he’s not cruel by any means, but few people rank high enough to deserve his kindness. But here, Maria not only lets Michael hold her, she leans in, grabs at his jacket, settles in close.

She trusts him, and he cares for her.

And you can see even as he holds her, he’s still confused. He’s still not entirely sure what’s happening, but he pulls her closer anyway. Because she needs it.

This a turning point in their relationship. This is the moment they go from banter friends to comfort friends. The moment their friendship deepens from something fun to something warm. Something real.

A few weeks later, they’ve both come off their respective cliffs. Maria has come to him for help. And as we learn at the end of the episode, there’s an emotional attachment to her request. This sign is special, this sign specifically is important to her - and she’s trusting Guerin to fix it.

Now we know that “no once can fix a car as fast as” Michael, and that Isobel, at least, has a habit of calling him to fix things for her, but what this tells us is that Michael also likely has a reputation around town as a fixer, as a handy man. Enough, at least, for Maria to know Michael can fix this. And between his reputation and her experiences with him, she knows him to be dependable and reliable enough to do this for her.

They’ve fallen back into their banter because it’s easy and it’s not heavy. Because they’re still Maria and Guerin even after a moment of tenderness. Because this is natural to them.

Now, Michael says something that apparently confuses people. Because Max says, “Dude, tell me you’re not sleeping with Maria,” and Michael immediately shoots back with, “Never!” And to some, I suppose, this feels incongruous with his behavior in the next episode. And all I really have to say to that is if I truly “never” slept with any of the people I’ve said I would “never” sleep with, my List would be like…. half as long.

Anyway, Michael brings the sign to the bar later that same day. Which is significant because - remember what else is going on that day. Isobel nearly died. He’s been running all over town with Liz and worrying about losing his sister - the single most important person in his life - and still, he made time to fix Maria’s sign.

He and Max left the junkyard right after Maria dropped it off, and we saw him at the hospital, then chasing down Liz, then taking Liz to his bunker, then to the cave, then he ran back to get Isobel from the hospital.

Which means after Isobel went into the pod, Michael went back to the junkyard to fix Maria’s sign. Just as much because she needed it as because he needed it. He needed to do it, needed to not fail someone he cared about that day. Needed to have something to show to himself that he could fix things, to prove to himself he could fix Isobel.

And when he drops it off, Maria notes how fast it was, having no idea just how fast because she doesn’t know everything that happened that day. He reiterates that he could have made her a new sign, but what he means is that he wants her to know that he would have, for her. Max once said that Michael has never done anything for anyone, while we all know that that line was a flaming pile of bullshit, it’s true that Michael isn’t someone to offer his help to just anyone; he’s picky about the people deserving of his effort and he’s letting Maria know she’s one of them.

And she softens. She opens up. Explains the real reason she needs this sign. Let’s Michael see a glimpse of something she hid from her own best friend.

It gets heavy for a moment, which is a territory they’re still figuring out how to navigate. Maria “hmms” at Michael’s “beacon” comment and he aptly puts together that that’s all she wants to say on the matter. He redirects them into more familiar territory with a teasing joke to break the tension and Maria follows him there with a, “Jerk” and a poorly disguised smirk.

It’s comfortable. Easy.

Six weeks pass before we see them together again, though it’s certainly not the first time they’ve interacted, judging by the fact that Michael has racked up another bar tab.

Maria greets him coolly - whether that’s because of her mood re: her mother, or because Alex is there and Alex has already expressed discomfort at being around Guerin (see: human trio reunion scene) is unclear, but she does greet him. Even if she’s a bit prickly, he still warrants her attention just by walking in the door.

And this may be some of my own projection, but it also speaks a little to me of Maria starting to catch on - subconsciously, at least - that she might have feelings for Michael. After my own experiences with the Chads of the world, I tend to react defensively around people I start to fall for, including being actively cool around them. It’s not pulling pigtails, not quite, but more I’m-terrified-of-you-finding-out-I-have-feelings-and-rejecting-me-so-I’ll-be-extra-unfriendly-so-you-think-I-don’t-like-you.

Michael is flirting - stung, from Alex’s rejection, and trying to get lost in a distraction - but Maria lets it slide right off her.

When we see them again in Texas, it’s awkward, but not because of them. Max and Liz are seeing each other for what appears to be the first time since her declaration that they are not meant to be, after having promised to save the life of the woman who killed her sister because she can’t stand to see Max hurt. So. It’s awkward.

Michael recognizes this immediately - having spent significant time with Liz who I’m sure pointedly refused to talk about Max, and at least some time around Max even before the 4+ hour drive in which he was fully back on his broody bullshit - so he tries to cut the tension by teasing flirtily with Maria. Because that’s a thing he can do. Something that’s natural and fun for them.

Maria teases right back, likely having seen at least some of Liz’s side of this, and makes her subtle exit, knowing full well Michael would join her and leave the two lovebirds to their awkward hello.

Note that when Michael goes into the tent to have his hand healed, he goes in with Maria. Not Max, whose idea it was. But his friend, Maria. Which means they spent the long wait in that line together. She clearly needs proof - or disproof - of Arizona’s powers as much as Max, but we all know what Michael’s hand means to him, and that he was willing to have Maria there while discussing it, potentially having it healed says, again, so much about their friendship.

Arizona talks about Michael reopening the wound in his mind and he looks to Maria for reassurance. And Maria gives that to him, freely and warmly. Organically. And you can see how much that little act helps him, that he’s able to continue forward knowing she’s there.

And when Arizona essentially blows them off, Maria - who is here, remember, to find a way to heal her own ailing mother - offers Michael the comforting shoulder rub, the defensive “Come on [let’s get out of here]”.

When Maria is upset, following Arizona’s reveal as a fraud, it’s Michael, not Liz, her best friend, that follows her. For all that Michael wanted to go in guns blazing and confront her before, he’s ready to walk away when he sees that Maria is upset.

And no, Michael is not the arbiter of friendship, but he’s pretty sure it has something to do with supporting someone when they’re upset. He doesn’t know, as Liz does, that Maria does not need that, so this is his way of trying. Maria is important enough for Michael to try.

And thus gets us to my favorite scene of the Michael/Maria saga.

She says with a teasing smile on her face. She says with a fond glance at Guerin.

And his wink says he knows and he’s playing along.

When she gets up, Michael is concerned. Asking Liz if she’s going to follow her. “Don’t you think she needs a girlfriend or whatever?” Because Michael wants to make sure Maria is being taken care of.

And then.

I just. Cannot get over. This look. This is awe, this is wonder, this is heat. This is Michael for the first time seeing Maria, seeing just how strong and fierce and powerful and beautiful she really is. This is The Moment that Michael stops thinking of Maria as a fun, flirty friend, and starts seeing her as something more. As someone he might be able to really fall for. As someone who maybe, just might, be able to fill the void left behind by Alex.

And so he just stares. He cannot take his eyes off from her y’all. The whole rest of this scene is Michael just fixated on the marvel that is Maria DeLuca. He’s watching her the entire time Liz asks Max to dance. Watching her sing upon that stage. Hell, Liz has to grab his face to get him to look away and still his eyes find her again.

And Maria, for all her teasing and banter, is the one to make the first move. She extends her hand to Michael, beckons him forward and:

Imma just let that speak for itself.

She doesn’t just do it once those, she reaches for him again, just gently touching him, making contact. And it’s not just comforting contact like Michael did when she cried, or when Maria touched him in the tent. It’s not even really friendly.

No, it’s decidedly sensual. Sexy. She’s touching him in ways that are meant to illicit a reaction.

And it’s a reaction she gets, when Michael follows her from the bar.

Look at that smile. She’s teasing him, but you can see she’s happy that he’s chosen to be there, out there, with her. This is the face of a woman who’s just drunk and high enough to forget her reasons to stay away, and is just letting herself be giddy that the person she likes is here with her. She’s not thinking about her worry of being another one of Michael’s one night stands, not thinking about not letting herself get attached for fear of being hurt (spoiler alert: she was already attached).

That’s the thing, with humans. We’re really really good at lying to ourselves when we’re afraid. We’re experts at denying the existence of something that scares us, and convincing ourselves that we’re safe. Maria has convinced herself she feels nothing for Michael because admitting those feelings, even to herself, when she feels certain he doesn’t feel the same way, would be devastating. So she refuses to acknowledge it, pretends it’s not even there.

And that’s why we see such a drastic change in her behavior from night to morning. Why she was all smiles and wiles and flirtation when she was drunk, high, and looking for a distraction, but was cold and in full denial mode when she was sober and facing down the reality of the door she’d opened. Her subconscious is trying to preemptively protect her from the pain and she’s projecting her anger at herself onto Michael.

Exacerbated, I’m sure, by the fact that by the time they actually kissed, and slept together, neither of them were that drunk. We see them wander off together with a joint before Max and Liz leave the bar, and we don’t see them together again until after Liz and Max have found a hotel, gotten into bed, each tossed and turned long enough to get back out of bed, get dressed, head out to the park and talk, and then go back to bed. So I’d say it’s been at least a couple hours since their last drinks that things heat up.

So Maria doesn’t even have the excuse for herself that she was wasted because she wasn’t. Neither of them were. She let herself give into her feelings and attraction in a moment of weakness and the only one she’ll have to blame when it bites her in the ass is herself.

Even if Maria is refusing to allow herself to believe she has feelings, there is still a gut feeling that what she did was a mistake, was going to get her hurt. The mind can be interesting in that way, warning you of danger without allowing you to see what that danger is.

Michael is in a different place here. He’s upset, but in an entirely different and far more silent way than Maria. Alex broke his heart, again, just yesterday. He had to watch Alex walk away from him and for the first time, it truly felt final. Alex said it was over, full stop. I don’t think Michael had ever before thought about moving on from Alex, not really. He was always just waiting.

“Where I stand, nothing’s changed.”

But now Alex walked away and it looks like this time, he really isn’t coming back. And for the first time Mchael has to consider what his life might look like without Alex in it, and suddenly here Maria is, being the actual walking definition of charm and grace. She’s someone he knows, whom he knows to be good. She’s gorgeous and kind and beautiful and fierce. And he’s seeing for the first time just how strong she is, how courageous.

He’s mesmerized.

And he’s paying attention. To all of Maria’s little touches and smiles. To the way she seems to want exactly what he wants. Which is why he’s so unaffected by her protests and denials the next morning. Because this is Maria, his friend. He teases and pokes fun because they’re friends and he can. And because, as everyone in Roswell knows, Michael is an expert at navigating the awkward morning after, so he eases her panic about people finding out, and then teases some more.

Michael’s in a great mood. The sun is shining, there’s a gorgeous woman lying next to him, and maybe for the first time that he can remember, he’s not thinking about Alex. Or Isobel. Or anything that hurts.

That doesn’t last though. Alex shows up, reignites every emotion Michael has ever felt for him, and leaves Michael more certain than ever that he’ll never get to have Alex the way he wants him. (I have another meta on this coming, I promise). And so he’s hurt and alone again.

And he has Maria’s necklace.

So he decides to give it his best shot. He brings her the necklace, laying on a casual desire. Keeping it cool while still making clear what he wants.

And I’ve already talked about what happened with Maria and Alex between the ride home and Michael showing up, but the important take-aways here are:

Maria did not truly accept her feelings for Michael until she heard herself lie about them to Alex

Maria does not know Alex and Michael’s history beyond “they kissed once as teenagers” and “Alex still loves him”

Maria never wants to see that look of pain on Alex’s face again

And Alex knowing about them sleeping together also tells Maria that Michael, within hours of promising not to do so, told him. So she’s understandably pissy about that.

She cuts right to the chase when Michael starts to flirt.

And Michael’s face is… wounded.

Because he came to Maria to forget about Alex. He came to Maria because he likes her, and because he wanted to see if that spark he felt could light a fire, could turn into something real. He’s exploring, for the first time, the potential of really falling for someone who isn’t Alex.

And that’s what it is, at this point: potential.

But Maria says no, so he does with Maria the exact same thing he did when rejected by Alex - he deflects. Pretends he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. “Why do you keep saying it can’t happen again, I got it the first time. That’s not why I’m here at all!” (narrator voice: it was, in fact, exactly why he was there).

And both of their faces when Michael walks away tell us this isn’t want they want.

This scene is a little bit devastating. Seeing Maria refuse herself something she wants. Seeing Michael once again turned away due to something outside his control.

But he takes the hint and leaves. He’d made an attempt and was shut down, and he wasn’t going to push it.

It appears they don’t see each other again until the morning of the Gala, when Maria straight up pretends she doesn’t see him.

And Michael calls her on it, because it’s bullshit and he knows it. They were friends before they slept together and he’ll be damned if he’s gonna let that get in the way of what appears to be his only human connection aside from Alex.

Maybe it’s me, but this line was delivered with exactly the right amounts of relief and disappointment. Relief that she won’t have to endure seeing Michael in a tux. Disappointment that she won’t get to see Michael in a tux. It’s a Mood.

Michael makes a joke because that’s what they do. Maria said no, but he wants to ease them back into their friendly camaraderie. He doesn’t want to lose his friendship with Maria.

But Maria can’t do what she and Michael do. Because what she and Michael do is why she fell for him. So she can’t let them go back to being banter friends across the bar, not yet anyway. She needs time and she needs space so she can get over him.

Not to mention: Maria doesn’t know. Period. Maria doesn’t know Michael’s feelings for her might be genuine. Maria doesn’t know that Alex and Michael’s history is fraught and traumatic and painful. Maria doesn’t know that Michael and Alex were seeing each other over the summer. Maria doesn’t know that their history doesn’t start and end with that kiss in the museum. She doesn’t know that Michael still has feelings for Alex. And while Maria knows Alex is in love with Michael, she doesn’t know he’s made any effort to show that to Michael.

And she doesn’t want to hurt Alex. He’s always been there for her and she wants to protect him. To protect herself.

So she makes a jab about the museum - it was intentional insofar as she meant to drive the wedge of Alex further between them, but again, she does not know what else happened after Michael kissed Alex at the museum. She isn’t trying to hurt Michael here, she’s trying to build a wall.

When Michael says “It’s over. It’s been over,” she has no reason not to believe him.

And Michael isn’t saying that because he’s trying to come on to her again. He’s saying that because he can see that Maria feels guilty and he’s trying to assuage that. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

The look Maria gives Michael here. The glance to his lips. She is gone on this man already. She wants him. She wants to believe him. She wants to be allowed to give in to him.

But she’s not. So she throws up more spikes and walks away.

This moment makes a whole lot more sense if you remember that, as far as we know, Michael has only ever given even a single shit about two humans in his entire life: Alex and Maria. We know what Alex is and was to him, the narrative makes it absolutely clear that Michael has been in love with Alex for a decade and has essentially been idling, just like Max, for Alex to come back. He sees their love as cosmic.

And we know what Maria is to him. She’s his friend. Someone who gets him, at least the little stuff. The light stuff. His sense of humor, his penchant for drowning his sorrows in substances, his compassion and his dependability.

Someone threatening that friendship? The one and only truly painless thing he’s ever found on this forsaken planet? Not a smart person.

Michael and Max make it to the Gala and that protective streak flares again. Because he was right. And Maria is innocent and now she’s vulnerable, and he’ll be damned if he’s gonna let anything happen to her.

This is him continuing to not push boundaries, even when she can’t hear him. She said they can’t continue whatever it was they started, but they were friends before that and he wants to go back to that. Go back to fun.

Not to mention that he is visibly worried in a way we have only seen him express before for Isobel and Alex.

He sits there, holding her, letting his presence be known as a comfort, stroking her hair.

So that when she wakes, she knows immediately that she is not alone. That she is safe and being looked after.

And at the first sign that she may not want him there? He immediately offers to leave, and not only leave, but find someone else she trusts to look after her so that she still won’t be alone.

“You gotta stop showing up for me like this, Guerin.” is what she says, but what she means is “you have to stop reminding me why I fell for you. Stop making it so hard for me to get over you just by being you.”

(And also just a reminder here that Maria is still under the influence of an inhibition-lowering drug. That means it makes her do and say things she would not normally allow herself to do/say. She’d never have admitted these feelings to Michael had she been sober, or under the influence of an intoxicant she’s used to, but this is not that. This is literally a date-rape drug and anyone who has anything shitty to say about Maria in this scene can Fite Me.)

And when Maria says that she never wants him to leave?

Riley put it best: “That is not the face of a man whose feelings have just been reciprocated. That is the face of a man whose life just got very complicated.”

His lips barely twitch towards a smile but he can’t even hold it. He knows he’s supposed to be happy, but he can’t feel it. He wanted to believe that he could want this, that his feelings for Maria could drown out the way he feels about Alex, but like with Maria not realizing her feelings until she heard herself lie, I don’t believe Michael truly recognized his lack of feelings until he heard Maria admit the depth of hers.

I think Michael absolutely, 100%, no doubt cares deeply for Maria. I believe he is unquestionably attracted to her. I think she makes him happy and feel light because she’s not bogged down in the trauma that marks his life, and because she, by her own admission, actively tries to be the Fun Friend.

And I think Michael wants to have feelings for Maria. Because he believes he can’t have Alex and continuing to dwell on that will only continue to hurt him. He wants to move on, and Maria is literally walking perfection. There is no reason Michael shouldn’t absolutely return every bit of her feelings and then some.

But he doesn’t. He can’t. His heart belongs to another.

Now we don’t see the end of the night for Michael and Maria, but we do know that he takes her home. How do we know this? Because there’s no way a man who emphatically threatened to explode anyone who came near her while she was drugged would let her go home alone. Not a chance in hell. I doubt they talked at all, but he made sure she made it home safely.

And that, as far as we know, is the last time that they see each other before the finale, before Michael shows up wrecked and broken and needing to feel something, anything, that doesn’t hurt.

I’ll be diving into his, Maria’s, and Alex’s headspaces, and then taking a look at the dynamic as a whole, but none of what happens in the finale makes any kind of sense if you don’t fully recognize everything that came before it. What lead to it. It was a perfect storm of emotion and heartbreak, and this is just one cloud.

#miluca #m&m #michael guerin #maria deluca #roswell new mexico #rnm meta #rnm #miluca meta #i just have a lot of feelings #on michael & maria #i've been working on this since i finished episode 9 #sooooooo here it finally is lolololol #michael guerin meta #maria deluca meta

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elizabethrobertajones · 8 years ago

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Hey 😊 What are your thoughts on not!Lucille being included in 12x15? I feel like I'm the only one (unpopular opinion coming) but I hated the way they did it? The fact that Dean ENJOYED using the bat (or at least seemed to), and was looking at it/handling it with REVERENCE creeped me out? It just drew parallels with Negan that I didn't want drawn? I mean I get that it's JDM, but Dean should never be paralleled with Negan 😭😭, it betrays who he is as a character just to get a cool reference in😭

Heya! Funnily enough I ended up in the same place, kind of. At least, being totally horrified by it, after I had a very good laugh on first impressions. I don’t think they shouldn’t have done it though because it was a great joke on first impression and then the fridge horror of it all actually works really well for me thematically with exactly what was going on in that scene ANYWAY so it was actually an incredibly clever and layered joke that I think happened to just fit in with something they were trying to tell anyway.

I actually talked out everything I had to say about it in my watching notes, so I hope you don’t mind me C&P-ing them to save time, after I already C&P’d a conversation with @mittensmorgul to save time on writing these, so really this is incredibly incredibly lazy :D Laziness squared.

Pfft some extras from the Walking Dead wander into the Bunker making obvious pop culture references. Do we even analyse that mention of Dad or do we just laugh hysterically and move on?

Wait so that time when they seemed to have it on set they weren’t just fucking around with the baseball bat because they felt like making one but it was actually going to be in an episode oh my god

I wonder if Mary has been watching The Walking Dead or if she hasn’t had time.

Being distracted by Mittens:

elizabethrobertajonesWait - Sam is clean… is this meta or are we still in the pop culture reference?

mittensmorgulThe things on Dean, “ghoul, wraith, siren.”

elizabethrobertajonesyeahThey fought a SIRENWHAT HAPPENI want to know everything

mittensmorgulI DON’T KNOW?!

elizabethrobertajonesI bet if it was “back to back to back” they didn’t have time for it to be complicated

mittensmorgulI mean, DEAN fought the siren, Sam is completely clean

elizabethrobertajonesWHY IS SAM CLEAN

mittensmorgulAnd Dean’s been wearing his underpants for four daysPeople are screaming OOC

elizabethrobertajonesoh god

mittensmorgulI have no idea

elizabethrobertajonesAhahahahah "Frodo"

mittensmorgulSort of reminded me of how he looked after he killed the stynes

elizabethrobertajonesIs that a thing

mittensmorgul:D

elizabethrobertajonesmaybe they intentionally USE those code namesmaybe Mary talked to Samwait if Mick is telling Sam where to gohas he given them “back to back to back”

mittensmorgulyes…

elizabethrobertajonesand Dean did all the killingand Sam was cleanOkay THERE’S the symbolism I was looking for :P

mittensmorguldo go on…:D

elizabethrobertajonesI am literally paused just at “Frodo” and his missing campers message so idk what happens nextbut yeah :PDean’s being used as the weapon here and Sam’s coordinatingAka trying to turn him into Ketchor Mark!DeanSam doesn’t have any blood on his hands for these huntsand they’re coming too fast for Dean to process them and work out shades of grey….

mittensmorgulYep

elizabethrobertajoneswhich means the Negan thing is probably a reference to how bloody it has all beenand not just a joke >.>

mittensmorgulnope

elizabethrobertajonesthey’re trying to turn him back into a bloody single minded hunter like Johnthis is awfulI LAUGHEDnow I feel horrible about it all :P

elizabethrobertajonesAlso Dean not being a germ freak about it all is probably a bad sign >.>

elizabethrobertajonesOh no Sam lyingepically

mittensmorgulyep

elizabethrobertajonesreminds me of 8x01 when he tells Dean how he found Kevinbut he actually did thatDean like Purgatory DeanWait fuck that baseball bat is his purgatory weapon*slides under the table* Go away NeganThis is worse than the Eliot Ness thing

To clarify that last reference, it’s when they get to the uni campus and Sam explains in great detail how he tracked Kevin via his IP address and router and stuff, while Dean sits there unimpressed eating his first burger back from Purgatory. Despite actually being shown as the better HACKER (thanks, “Strictly into Dick” moment) Sam’s got a broader computer knowledge while Dean seems to have just intuitively picked up the software Frank and Charlie taught him better than Sam, probably because Dean learns the tools of the trade while Sam is, really broadly, more aligned with lore and research (this is a gross oversimplification for both but all these moments play into it)

I think it was also that Dean forgot computers while he was in Purgatory and had to sort of re-learn being in the modern world and showing him not following computer babble was a good way to show how his mind was working right then… he re-learns it off-screen and within a few episodes was perfectly competent again. Dean making silly comments about computers only being good for monsters and porn also echoes that sentiment while he’s in a sort of over-hunted exhaustion because I think the point was to show him in a very particular state where all the Dean danger signs are flaring up, from not being precious about keeping his home tidy and initially rejecting the shower, to almost… tempting him with the high of killing monsters endlessly, and making him channel the darker part of himself that gets involved in killing. The attack dog imagery wasn’t spelled out for once, but Sam being completely clean showed the imbalance even before we see he’s getting all the cases…

Anyway Dean channelling Negan is awful and I haven’t even seen TWD but the meta links are brilliant even with a casual outside eye on what’s going on there, because the shadow of John is over everything all the time, and Negan is like… a worst case scenario or something, a way to really explore the idea of John as the boogeyman he is in the narrative because there’s a fresh reminder out there of Negan being like… a pop culture renowned worst villain ever contender because he’s really horrifying people and making big pop culture waves as far as I can tell sitting over here really not caring what JDM or TWD are up to and hearing all about it from multiple sources anyway :P I was wondering if they’d sneak a reference in but that was extremely blatant. It would be for someone who’s actually watched TWD to comment in-depth, but anyway linking John and Negan in the narrative is CLEARLY pulling pop culture strings to make a point, and one that works in the story…

Not to say John was that bad, but to remind us that he was a dark, ruthless hunter, for example in 2x03 he was compared to Gordon, and we’ve always known he was falling out with mainstream hunters, and clearly with a black and white revenge-y approach to monsters that would fit well with the BMoL’s goals. He instilled “saving people, hunting things” in Dean (who passed it onto Sam) but 1x01 and 1x02 are a lot about taking up the mantle of that job because John’s moved on, abandoning everything to do with working regular cases and saving people, to work on the revenge mission. It’s clear that Dean especially in season 1 and both of them in general are much more focused on saving people, and Sam in 1x22 has his huge moment at the end of picking family over revenge, after which in 2x02 he clearly gets onto the same path Dean was on in 1x02 of focusing on the job and saving people… Anyway that’s all in contrast of what we learn about John while he’s around, which is mostly that he’s running around doing plot stuff and throwing cases their way to deal with, and not behaving as a regular hunter who’d work those cases himself. He’s on a quest to get revenge where that darkness has consumed him, and we see all season through Sam, what that means with the danger it could consume him too, until Sam rejects it at the last moment. But in many cases revenge makes Sam reckless and impatient and he leaves or argues with Dean about why they’re following orders and working regular cases, so if you parallel them together, you see through Sam that John had no interest in “saving people hunting things” any more, and that it had probably only been something he did on the side to his revenge mission anyway, emotionally. Like, he starts the family business, but out of necessity, while his sons are raised in it and as a life, changing the way they relate to saving people…

Sorry, this is really rambly but I get the feeling no one ever reads my long rewatches where I write very long essays about this sort of thing, so I’m trying to summarise in a few paragraphs something I’ve written like maybe 100k words on at least after wandering through season 1 and 2 getting really invested in the early Winchester family drama :P

Anyway! tl;dr John is still haunting them, especially when Dean is in a bad way, ESPECIALLY when he’s being made to prioritise “hunting things” over “saving people” because there’s a REALLY fragile balance and Dean only functions well when he’s over on the “saving people�� side, and if he’s not, angst follows :P Even just being made to hunt monsters non-stop immediately wears down on Dean’s humanity, and so you get a parallel like this, and to Purgatory, Mark!Dean, and generally showing all sorts of the good parts of Dean stripped away. >.> I think it’s a warning we should be WORRIED about Dean, NOT a direct comparison between Dean and Negan, especially as he makes the comparison himself between John and not!Lucile, and therefore the parallel is between John and Negan, and Dean’s just caught up in that as an incidental part of his characterisation, but probably isn’t going to go around braining people willy nilly.

#Asks #12x15 #if you're curious it's the 'weird rewatching' tag - sort if by chrono/page 2 and start from the start XD #Dean analysis

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ah17hh · 4 years ago

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I fell in love and my husband disapproves. via /r/polyamory

I fell in love and my husband disapproves.

This is a REALLY long post, so I apologize in advance.

My husband (30) and I (26f) have been happily married for over 6 years. Just over a month ago, we decided that I would try to date women to determine for sure if I was bisexual. So I made an account on HER and quickly started talking to someone (34f), which I'll refer to as "C". I was really skeptical while talking to C but when we finally met in person a week later, it was like fireworks. We spent all day together and it was the best date I've ever had and all we did was go to a park and walk around. By the end of that date I KNEW I was bi and I REALLY liked this woman. I would even go as far as to say "love at first sight" kind of thing. I've only felt like that with one other person and I married him.

But when I came home that night, it was really late and my husband had already went to bed. He woke up and I excitedly told him about my date. He then told me that he was actually feeling pretty negative about the whole thing and he didn't anticipate feeling this way. It's my fault really- I didn't check up on him throughout the day to make sure he was still okay and I stayed out later than I originally planned. So we did what we always do when we have any issues- we talked about it.

He said that he felt like meeting her would make him feel better about the whole thing and that not knowing her was like he was missing a piece of information and therefore couldn't make an informed decision about whether he could be okay with us dating. So several days later we all met up and it went great. They got along and he said that he liked her. So he gave his blessing to spending the next day with her. I woke up early to leave because I was going to take a ferry to see her and she lives like 1.5 hours away. My husband woke up and went to start working out just as I was about to leave. He looked kinda glum, so I asked him if he was okay. He told me "I just need this to be over with." Normally he would tell me exactly how he's feeling, but even so my emotions clouded my judgment and instead of realizing he needed me to stay, I took it as he needed to know how he feels while I'm on a date and this was a "he needed more information" type of thing.

So I left and drove to the ferry. Once I was parked on the ferry I texted my husband to make sure he was okay. Plot twist, he wasn't. He was very upset and more so because I didn't choose to stay home when he needed me. So I told him once the ferry landed I would start driving home. I called C and told her I wasn't coming, and she was very understanding. She told me that out of respect for my marriage she would block me on everything and we'd part ways, but we continued to talk over a video call most of my drive home. We confessed our irrationally strong feelings for each other and cried.

When I got home, my husband and I had a really long talk where I shared that I loved her and she loves me and that now knowing that I feel that I'm polyamorous and want to live that lifestyle, that being abruptly forced to let go of C would make me feel like I was missing something. But I also reassured him that my feelings for C did not take away my feelings for him. We both cried and then cuddled and napped together. He told me that he didn't realize I felt that way and that knowing my feelings made him want to give it another shot.

So he messaged her since I was blocked on everything and our relationship was back on, but this time we were going to take things slower for my husband's sake. We established more boundaries and we all made an effort to continuously make sure everyone was still feeling okay about the whole thing. The following week my husband gave his blessing for me to visit her. This time I was back before my husband came home from work. I was taking care of some important phone calls when he got home, and a few minutes later I finished and went to greet him. I asked how he was feeling and he said he was upset that I didn't immediately greet him at the door. Mind you, I didn't use to do that before and I was in the middle of business calls, so while I felt his feelings were valid I did find that to be a bit unreasonable and kinda made me feel like he expected me to act like a dog.

So I've been spending the last few weeks working on my empathy and taking extra care to make sure my husband feels loved. But he now dislikes C. Her and I have had several arguments as we're trying to learn about what eachother needs and that plus the jealousy has painted C in a bad light for him. One argument with her ended in her saying "I'm done" and when I asked her to clarify she just repeated "I'm done." I interpreted that as she was ending it. My husband came home a few minutes after and I told him what happened and that she broke up with me. He told me to block her on everything and he messaged her letting her know I was doing that and to confirm an address to send back he necklace she lent me. She agreed that was a good idea and that was that.

The next few days I was literally grieving. I couldn't focus on anything and cycled through being angry, numb, and devastated, and began smoking pot daily to cope (I almost never smoke). Suddenly not having her made me feel intensely lonely. I don't really have friends and she was the first person in years that was eager to talk to me and hear about my day. I told my husband this and he tried to be there for me, but I was a little resentful because I knew he was happy this had ended. Anyway, my weakness got the best of me and I unblocked her on FB and whatsapp to see is she also blocked me- she didn't, so it gave me some hope.

She saw that I unblocked her on whatsapp and she video called me. I was completely shocked and confused and when we started talking we realized there was a huge miscommunication and she did not dump me, she was just upset and was "done" with the conversation. So I spent all day cleaning the house and made dinner to soften the blow when my husband got home and I told him what happened. I asked him at what capacity he'd allow C to be in my life and even if it was just talking to her I'd take it. He wasn't happy that we reconnected and we had an argument, but he said he was okay with us talking.

But then C said she needed some space to reevaluate herself and basically that I shouldn't message her unless it was important. I told her I could do that and that I was just happy knowing she didn't hate me.

But now I've spent the last few days compulsively checking my phone and seeing when C was last online, etc. I just want to talk to her but I don't want to impose on the boundaries she's set. But I think about her constantly. I wake up anxious because she used to call me every morning and wake me up. My husband and I are going to couples counseling next week and he's willing to still try polyamory, but he does not want it to be with her.

She's probably better off without me because this back and forth isn't fair to her, but I'd do anything short of leaving my husband to be with her.

I know how insane this sounds because this literally all happened within a month and I shouldn't be so attached to someone I've only seen in person 3 times. But I fell in love with my husband after only 2 weeks of dating, so this isn't completely abnormal for me.

Thanks for reading if you've made it this far ❤

TL;DR Within a month: My husband gave me permission to explore my sexuality. I found out I'm bi and polyamorous and I've fallen in love with a woman. We've broken up twice and my husband does not like her. He's still willing for us to try polyamory, but he just doesn't want me with her. She's now not talking to me and I feel horrendously lonely because of it. We're going to go to therapy.

Submitted August 03, 2020 at 01:05AM by AspiringOtaku via reddit https://ift.tt/31b5rBT

#IFTTT #reddit

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ionqins · 8 years ago

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170525 EXO’rDIUM in NY/NJ fan account

tl;dr: don’t camp out if you want to enjoy the concert.

before i jump into the actual concert day, here’s a summary of the announcement and ticketing extravaganza.

so mymusictaste (mmt) officially announced exo’s “north american” tour in ny and la on feb 9. they also announced that “makers” got to buy their tickets during the presale before the general public and also get 10% off their ticket (1 ticket per maker). “makers” are people who had gone onto mmt’s official site before ~9pm feb 9 (up until about one hour after mmt posted their announcement), made a (free) account, and clicked on the “make” button for exo in ny 2017.

immediately, there was an uproar from fans- on how the whole makers getting a presale is unfair, on how soon the tickets are going on sale, and on how exo isnt going to nearly as many stops as last year. atlanta fans were especially upset because their city had one of the highest “makers” from last year - which was supposedly what mmt uses to decide which cities to hold concerts in - and mmt skipped atlanta both last year and this year. mmt, of course, stayed mute to all the complaints thrown at them, as they always do.

fast-forward to ticket presale day. my sister and i were ready with our 7 devices on ticketmaster, waiting for a bloodbath and not taking any chances, seeing our exo ticketing experience last year- standing ga ended up being ordered by ticketing number rather than fcfs, something mmt didnt clarify until after the sales. this year, the entire presale ended up being anti-climatic. fans found (supposedly from mmt’s site) that about ~3k fans were “makers” but it seemed like barely a few hundred made any dent on the presales. ga was wide open and the only really popular sections were the closest seated rows.

a few days later, the general sales opened up and the ~10k venue ended up selling about half the seats, a number that didnt really increase drastically after the first day of sales.

and fans blamed the poor ticket sales on mmt’s lack of promotion (but they promoted the same way as they did for last year’s sold-out show) or the concert being on a weekday (but so was bts’s sold out show a month prior) or expensive tix for no fan interaction (again, last year’s show had the same situation) or the presales discouraging non-makers to buy tix (but they literally had to take 30sec and navigate to the ticketing page to realize that presales barely did anything) or exo not going to as many stops as last year (i truly don’t understand how this is an excuse for lack of sales- shouldnt fewer stops mean more packed venues for the existing stops? specifically, northeast coast fans wouldve still had prudential center to fill up).

the real reasons for low sales were: 1- exo’s decreasing popularity in the US- it’s embarassing to see how exo fans refuse to see this fact. fandoms rise and fall, it’s the circle of life and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. exo may have been one of the more popular - if not the most popular - kpop concert act (i say this instead of simply “kpop act” because big bang is still the most popular household name) in the states, but there’s a new lion in town.

2- speaking of lions, bts’s tickets went on sale long before exo’s was, and most fans are younger and wouldnt be able to afford two concerts within a month of each other. but going back to point 1, im gonna go out on a limb here and say that even if these announcements/concerts were chronologically flipped, bts still would have sold out, just as they sold out every single other venue in their entire wings tour. and exo would still have a visible number of emptiness in their concert. the amount of negativity (“exo will never come to the states again”, “american exo fans are terrible”, telling fans to give their tickets away for free if they can’t make it - this was the biggest wtf moment i had during the ticketing experience. how about /you/ buy a $200 ticket and donate it to a fan?) leading up to the concert was appalling. i wish american exo fans start taking these experiences on a positive note and enjoy everything to the fullest while it lasts, instead of acting whiny and immature and blaming the organizers for the fandom’s own lackings. onto the actual concert experience. both my sister and i worked until regular hours the day before the concert, so we left home at around 7pm and drove up to the venue close to 11pm. the line was already at least 15+ tents and about 100 people from what we could see. i dropped my sister off with her sleeping bag and parked/checked in at the hotel we were staying at about a 10 minutes-walk away. i walked back to the venue (definitely sketchy neighborhood, would not rec to walk alone at night if you dont want to be cat-called). i brought a duffle bag and smuggled out a hotel pillow and towel, along with some food, water, a portable charger, and two umbrellas. it was only somewhat chilly (lows of 50s) but the rainy weather forecast was what worried us the most. i camped out for a few hours and then walked back to the hotel around 2am (again, would not rec) since i hadnt bought a sleeping bag and the cold was getting to me. i slept until 4am and then checked on the sis, and then slept again until 7:30am. /aside/ i was supposed to wake up at 6am and switch places with my sister but my phone alarm apparently doesnt go off when it’s in the ultimate power save mode, aka i was a terrible person and had my sister waiting for over an hour out in the cold and rain /end aside/ it had been constantly drizzling all night, with some wind to add to the chill. i took some hotel breakfast to-go and walked back to the venue to see everyone’s pale and lifeless faces. the number of people in front of us had doubled to about 200 overnight so that was just excellent. my sister looked like a wreck so i sent her back to the hotel to get some actual shut-eye while i held the fort. mmt had said they’ll start wristbanding the ga line at 10am, to create a numerical order for when we go in. so my sister comes back at 9:30am and we wait. and wait. and enjoy the torrential downpour of rain that nj so graciously gave us. around 11am some staff comes out and tells us they wont be wristbanding until 1:30pm. so then my sister goes back to the hotel, hoping she could sleep this time. shortly after 12, another staff member comes out and tells us they’ll start wristbanding soon so get your tickets ready. panicking, i call my sister half a dozen times and finally get a sleepy response. she runs back just in time to witness the mess mmt will create with this wristbanding process. now logically, mmt staff should have gone down the line of campers and given out these numerical wristbands in the order that we had already put ourselves in. but did they? of course not, why would mmt ever be logical? so some staff up at the very front of the line yelled for us to stand up and make /another line/ in front of them, about 5 feet away from our original line. as expected, an absolute stampede of fans followed. fans who were behind us ran up in front of us, and fans who were originally in front of us were no longer there if they had temporarily left the line right before for a bathroom or coffee break. the “line” we had made wasn’t exactly a line, either, but more of a hoarde. in my haste i had forgotten my phone at our camping site, but my sister was nice enough to go back and get it while i held our place in this new standing line (my phone was undamaged but our sleeping bag and most of our food was crushed). so mmt made us wait standing in this new line for another hour before they actually began coming down and putting our wristbands on. they then told us that we can leave this line if we want but that putting ourselves in order again will ultimately be up to us and that they “won’t be held accountable” if people cut us or if we can’t get back in the same order. so literally :) what is the point :) of this new line and the wristbands then :) the merch line was supposed to open up at 1pm but since nothing ever happens on time with mmt, we should’ve known. i stood in the wristband line while my sister went to the other side where the merch line was. she comes back around 3:30pm with the lightstick. then i decide to go back to the hotel to drop off our remaining stuff so we could go into the pit with no bags. i also leave our umbrellas, which later turned out to be a mistake. at 4pm i get a text saying that mmt decided us standing in line wasnt enough, they wanted to barricade us so we’d feel like canned fish. the wind is howling by this time, and the temperatures had dropped to what it was the night before. it also started raining again. i walk back and was allowed to jump the barricade once one of the fans we were standing with yelled “sister!” these were the fans who were in line since the night before (with a sprinkling of fans who cut in line earlier that morning), so they meant business when someone requested to get back in line. so here we stand, squished like sardines as the weather gets more chilly and windy. and then it begins to rain, of course. i had left our umbrellas at the hotel so we wouldnt have to carry anything into the pit but that was a grave mistake. we all tried to huddle under the nearest umbrella that we could, but the winds blew the rain every which way so nearly everyone was soaked in the end. someone behind us was nice enough to give us plastic trash bags, which we made holes into to wear like ponchos. it was 5pm, then 6pm, when we could see staff inside spreading out carpets and then standing around. then 6:30 came, one hour before the concert and supposedly the time when doors open. but open they did not. after a few people called the venue, we were notified that there was “production issues” so we won’t be let in until 7pm. some assumed there was a previous event for which they had to clean up, others thought there was something wrong with exo’s stage, itself. many of us, including me, were shivering non-stop by this point. but we didnt have any other choice but to wait. 7pm comes by, and the doors were still shut and the staff inside still in their place. more phone calls later and again we learn that opening the doors is delayed by another half hour to 7:30. aka when the concert should have begun. between 7 and when they finally let us in at around 7:45, there were at least four people who either fainted or had panic attacks and had to be ushered inside (after fans had to continuously bang the windows to get the staff’s attention- and no, we weren’t just impatient to get let in so please come outside smh). 7:45 and we’re inside. i’m still wet and shivering and too cold to take off my jacket and put it over the railing as i had planned. my friend was near the back of the ga line and she barely made it in when the concert began at 8:25, one hour after the advertised time. the concert was a blur, to be honest. this has to be the first time i yawned during a concert, and that, too, several times. most of the fans around me were equally tired. i had gone to the exoluxion concert at the same venue a year prior, and the difference in energy was striking. (with exoluxion, mmt had us lined up by ticket number so there was no camping out needed, no bad weather, and no one-hour delay). exo was fantastic, and despite their jetlag they were giving it their all. they made a few funny mistakes here and there but they just laughed it off and continued. the remixed versions of their older songs were very neat and i loved the upgraded pyrotechnics this year. i stood near the side of the stage where kai (ofc), chen, kyungsoo, and suho showed up the most. not to be biased but kai actually stole the show. being his usual self he gave each dance move his 110% and his smiles were absolute killer. his hair was also glorious, good goly what a mane. overall i did enjoy the concert. exo themselves put out a wonderful show, and sme provided a beautiful stage to watch the glory in. i just wish i had been awake to appreciate the boys more after waiting to see them for so long.

#exo #exo fanaccount #exo fan account #exo fan account 2017

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grizzlefur · 8 years ago

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WWEm - Word of the Year 2017

Transmission date: Monday 30/Tuesday 31 January 2017.

Ass-wrestling's cancelled, so instead, let's have some SUNDAY AFTERNOON RAW! .

if you haven't watched the rumble already, maybe go do that? .

just turn off before the actual rumble match .

for the full experience in less time, just imagine being personally attacked by the spectre of creeping disappointment .

tl; dr: the year counter in WWE creative must have some kind of overflow problem, because the main event of wrestlemania in 2017 is going to be cena v orton .

but let's leave that until smackdown .

this week we're in laredo, and here come kevin and chris .

recap videos of the shark cage match so i can remember how good it was .

(pretty damn good) .

the only problem with the dq finish is they're totally going to use it as an excuse to keep owens/reigns rolling until mania .

kevin is piiiiiiiiissed .

presumably for the same reason .

also because fuck you foley i'm the best at everything .

honestly kind of weird seeing him get this worked up rather than just wry .

sets up a whole thing about thanking the man who helped him win, ends up thanking chris .

classic wwe, etc. .

oh yeah, chris got a record at the rumble .

longest cumulative rumble time .

rechristening himself 'the 61-minute man' .

which sounds like there should be a joke in there, but i can't find it .

claiming the only reason he didn't win the rumble is because of a terrible case of vertigo and that's whBRAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHH .

oh hey, kevin was coincidentally just about to thank braun .

funny that .

immediate thank you strowman chants .

we are all united in our hatred of roman .

including braun .

he interfered because he hates roman, and kevin offered him a title shot like a month ago .

braun has conveniently brought the relevant footage .

and wants his title shot tonight .

or he breaks kevin like a charmingly-québécois twig .

and now, foley .

wearing even uglier upholstery than usual .

but green, for once .

so much for brand coordination .

kevin is leaning on the fact that he had a massive match the night before so shouldn't have to put the title up tonight

foley like hey kevin that's an excellent idea but let me float a counter-proposal of go fuck yourself .

so that's our main event tonight .

i should probably clarify, that's owens/strowman for the title, not kevin fucking himself .

(something something PG era) .

and now we have sami/jericho, in the battle of the men who probably should have won the rumble .

they keep referring to jericho's 26-year career in commentary

normally i would be using this to make a crack about him being old, but it's just struck me that the man has legit been wrestling longer than i've been alive .

i mean, he's retired approximately 173 times, but still .

this is a really strong technical match, but that shouldn't be surprised .

or indeed surprising .

sami ends up in the walls, spends possibly the longest time i've ever seen anyone tease a tap

comes out of it like fuck your submission hold, exploder suplex to helluva kick for the win .

cos you don't need your back and/or legs for those, right? .

up next, seth deals with the fallout of inserting himself into events where he wasn't wanted .

while braun gets a title match for...hey, wait a second .

but first, cesaro and sheamus argue backstage .

and bayley breaks them up to remind them that AS YOU KNOW they have a mixed tag match with charlotte and the club tonight .

a+ exposition .

here are said heels to taunt them over not having belts as shiny as theirs .

omg, gallows called them nerds .

shocking .

oh ok, apparently what we have now is just a recap of everything that's been going on with seth .

in case you just came into watching wwe off the rumble .

which...is not the unlikeliest thing to happen, now i think of it .

so hey, sound thinking, wwe .

although i can't help but think that maybe the way to make your show accessible to new viewers would be to not have its central storylines dependent on three years of continuity .

but hey, i'm among the worst continuity nerds .

so i should probably drop this thread .

OH LOOK IT'S STEPH AND KEVIN .

(seamless) .

kevin is whining to her, but you could probably have filled that in yourself .

steph modelling her best business suit/transparent shirt combo .

slightly odd .

she's agreed to try and get the title match cancelled .

but now, cruiserweights .

with only a brief segue into possibly-accurate rumble attendance figures and THAT BLOODY SONG .

ahem .

but yes, now cruiserweights .

we have tony nese vs somebody .

big recap video of his (really good) fight with tjp on 205 last week .

so of course, he's fighting mustafa .

not that i'm complaining, i love mustafa .

nese stops fighting to show off his weird biceps again .

"...Guy really loves his biceps, that's one thing I've learned about Tony Nese." .

well no shit, austin .

although that's still one more thing than we know about the cipher that is drew gulak .

ali's rolling neckbreaker through the ropes is still one of those spots i probably shouldn't love anywhere near as much as i do .

ali sets up for the inverted 450, nese knocks him off the turnbuckle into a really ugly danny-burch-head-blood kind of landing, then puts his knee through his head for the pin .

that needs a name .

other than the obvious 'tony knee' .

austin gives nese an interview about how people might say he has no charisma, nese is just like fuck you aries and leaves .

which i guess is one way to do an interview .

rumble 2018 confirmed for philadelphia .

i can get behind this, the wells fargo's a good venue .

...next up in things that make you think you might watch too much wrestling .

anyway .

now it's time for seth v consequences .

seth comes out like hey this is live tv steph was meant to come out first and call me out but fuck it let's do this .

this can only improve the situation .

steph comes out, seth immediately drops a shitty sex joke .

sigh .

i want to like you, seth .

steph does not give 3 femtoshits about seth's crap .

just like oh hey you turned your back on us and ever since that your career has been a parade of failure and shit funny how that works .

seth grandstands some more, steph just stands there with a look of oh really like i should care .

seth is leaning on the fact that he doesn't have anything to lose any more .

apart from, yknow, your job .

threatens to invade steph's business, implicitly threatens her children, promises to kill her husband .

keeping it classy .

steph is like oh hey remember that bit when i said hunter was in no way coming to this arena to hand you your own spleen WELL THAT WAS THE OPPOSITE OF TRUE .

so i guess we're getting that later .

end of segment, roll kevin/braun recap tape .

just realised .

"You say you went to hell and back last night, but it seems to me that might be a round trip, because you might be going back there tonight!" .

foley, do you understand what words mean .

that's not the phrase for when you go somewhere, come back, and then go there again, because that's not a thing that people do .

moving on from mick's battles with the english language, now we have that mixed tag match .

cesaro has bayley arm streamers on, sheamus is just like what the fuck i don't even know you .

cesaro and bayley stop to hug fans on the way down the ramp, sheamus just stalks off down the ramp shaking his head sadly .

those belts do not suit gallows and anderson's gear at all .

anderson does the backwards belt spin thing for some reason, has never looked so uncomfortable with anything .

dolph ziggler he is not .

first advert for fastlane, only took them like an hour .

apparently charlotte's ppv record is going to go up to 1000-0 .

because she'll be active in ppvs until she's 120, according to graves .

the steadicam guy is doing really close tracking shots on sheamus as he runs back and forth, and i think i've got chris's bad case of vertigo .

charlotte punches sheamus in the back to break the ten beats of the bodhrán .

cesaro and bayley ignore the basic principles of tag team wrestling, cesaro shits the bed on a double-step crossbody to the outside, belly to bayley for the win .

well, that was...weird and sloppy .

huh .

and now, steph shouts at mick in her luxuriously-appointed office .

it has walls and everything .

they've got the good shit in laredo .

mick actually does some shouting back .

steph tries to call the random appearance of hhh's music in seth's last match a technical error, mick actually comes back with look, i grant you that tonight i look stupid (he does), but i'm not .

so he's browbeaten her into allowing the kevin/braun match in return for him not escalating the situation .

i'm pretty sure this isn't how you do workplace negotiation, but hey .

but now, the reigning cruiserweight goblin king .

carrying the belt as though he couldn't care less .

throws it into the ring as he makes his entrance .

hangs a promo on the fact that he proved the wwe universe wrong, and somewhere kevin's like dude i did that not two hours ago .

interruption by rich .

to be magnanimous in defeat but also taunt him .

like dude nobody hates you this war between you and the world is entirely in your head .

just come back to the light side dude .

it's nice to have people call wrestlers out on their entirely imagined grudges occasionally .

neville like fuck you you don't shake hands with a king .

so rich just walks off like fuck that noise .

neville unsurprisingly coldcocks him, cue brawl .

a brawl including notably more topes than usual .

neville slinks off, leaves the belt in the ring .

apparently later we get enzo/cass v rusev/jinder in a tornado tag match .

which is apparently going to bring an end to that feud .

we can only hope .

and hey, i do love tornado matches .

but at the same, fuck this feud .

apparently mania is 62 days away .

well, i guess it's 56 now .

hooray for time displacement .

recap video of the slightly underwhelming sasha/nia match from sunday, so i guess we're doing that now .

(not the most disappointing women's match of the weekend, of course) .

sasha is getting her knee taped up for a match with nia, bayley walks in like hey sis um btw you should probably not cripple yourself to prove a point .

sasha like fuck you hun and leaves .

oooooooooooh tension .

and now, rumble recap clips .

focusing on brock continuing to get shat on by the world .

which pleased me no end .

i assumed that would lead into a thing with brock, but now we have kevin and chris being angry in the locker room .

chris like hey look at it this way at least we'll definitely still be us champion .

super supportive there .

kevin is explicitly asking chris to help him win this, chris is like normally i'd be up for that but i had a long rumble last night and i just had a match with sami which i lost with you nowhere to be seen just sayin .

[tension builds] .

oh, we're having kevin/braun now .

assumed it'd be the main event

chris is going on announce, presumably because it's closer to the door

kevin disagrees with this plan .

so wait, what is going to be our main event? .

we've already had all the champions out here .

or is this match just going to take like an hour .

oh wait, it'll probably be something brock- and/or goldberg-related .

yaaay .

braun is even more pissed than usual .

gets to the top of the ramp, thinks fuck it and runs over to preemptively put chris through the announce table .

honestly, sound strategy there .

stalks back to the ring in an awkward hush .

kevin is none too enthused with this match .

bell rings, kevin runs away .

shocker .

braun gets him back into the ring and commences to mincing him .

corey just called braun's fist a "primal concrete sledge" .

i'd mock, but that may in fact be my favourite phrase ever .

fighting on the outside, there's a count but i have no clue what it got to because tye dillinger has ruined numbers .

kevin's capitalising on an attack phase and seems to have stolen seth's moveset .

sure, casual flip senton, why not .

braun gets his running powerslam in, but a deeply dull samoan man emerges from backstage, not from the powerslam .

he didn't slam kevin so hard the ambient mediocrity of the universe collapsed into roman reigns .

aaaaand superman punch for the dq .

had to happen, but still .

sigh .

now roman stalks braun around the ring for a while, i lose interest, he spears everyone, sure whatever .

and now, recaps of seth/steph .

oh yeah, we've got to have the payoff of this angle as well .

recap of seth threatening to get steph's kids involved is still harsh .

sure, dude's a douchebag, but that was low .

car arrives backstage, everyone is like omg is it hhh, and...it's brock .

now everybody can empathise with the disappointment i feel whenever he's on screen .

advert for wwe champions, which i am in no way obsessively playing no sir, but now brock and paul are actually here .

paul starts talking, the crowd do not give a shiiiiiiit .

finally, i'm in the majority .

paul is spinning this as hey, every great athlete has someone who can beat them convenient that .

pulls up ronda rousey as an example, and i have opinions about this .

but that can wait for my random irrelevant chats with people irl .

now he's just calling out a list of champions who brock's beaten .

apparently brock's failure has lessened paul's standing in the eyes of his children .

#problemsnobodyhaseverhad .

honestly, this promo is more of a hype piece for goldberg than anything else .

paul is at his possibly-about-to-pass-out ranting best here .

brock is challenging goldberg at mania .

yay, piss break match .

and they both point at the siiiiiiiiiiiiign .

(because it's that time of year again) .

paul is delivering an address based on the Biblical story of goldberg versus brock lesnar .

...i think he may have a different bible to me .

the announce team are doing the whole 'yeah, but that's if he accepts the challenge' thing again .

seriously, has any challenge in wrestling ever not actually turned into a match .

well, anyway .

now we have that ill-advised sasha/nia match .

oh yeah, and we have enzo/cass/rusev/superfluous dude still to come .

leaving seth/hhh talking for the main event, i guess .

this ordering makes no logical sense, but sure, whatever .

nia's gear has acquired a bunch of black and gold fringing, making her look like a cross between the ascension and ember moon .

nia has sasha in a full nelson and is just swinging sasha's legs into the ring post .

ow .

so sasha's knee is fucked already, like thirty seconds in .

butt drop into a single leg crab, and...the bell rings for some reason? .

#LaredoScrewjob .

nia continues to fuck up sasha's leg, because hey, heels gonna heel .

wow, sasha is flexible .

bayley runs in, too distraught to even cue her music .

after trading stern looks, nia leaves and bayley tries to fix sasha's knee through the power of caring .

(not how medicine works) .

recap shots of the rumble, with even more WEGOBLOYOMA, and now an official and bayley are carrying sasha to the trainer's room .

leading to no payoff whatsoever, as we cut immediately to lana .

now in a dramatic dress, rather than the aggressive skirt suit .

introducing handsome rusev, who has apparently taken to that name .

so he's being insistently introduced as handsome .

and is wearing a facemask because of a nose injury .

this is familiar, but i can't quite put my finger CODY FUCKING RHODES on it .

hmm .

strange .

also jinder came in, but nobody introduced him because nobody gives a shit .

enzo and cass get their full intro .

including mocking jinder's veins, which is...not where i expected it to go .

FUN FACT: only haters need to reoxygenate their blood .

to be certified as a G, you have to first have your lungs removed .

and prove you can sustain anaerobic respiration through sheer determination .

...and now i'm imagining them as Gurren Lagann characters .

which i can get behind .

throws in some sex jokes about lana, which i'm less in favour of, spells a word, and cue match .

match almost immediately goes out of the ring, because nobody is entirely sure how the rules work in tornado matches .

corey brings the vein thing up again, and i'm still honestly confused that that was where they went .

i mean, hey, if you want something to mock jinder about, why not go for his utter irrelevance or his gigantic asshole mandala .

(which, incidentally, is my PWR BTTM cover band) .

i'd be narrating more of this match, but there's not that much narrative, and i honestly find it hard to give a shit .

like .

i like cass, i like rusev, i like enzo when he's not being an enormous tool, and i can see jinder's potential, but this angle continues to be a trash fire .

badaboomshakalaka on rusev's dashing face for the pin, and it's over .

thank fuck .

cut to a limo arriving, and this time it actually is trips .

announce team do a really weirdly long spot about how good the new mania documentary is .

then cut to rumble recaps, and we can all go back to giving the complete lack of shits we gave before .

and more recaps of the brock segment .

clearly, hunter just walks really slowly .

brock and paul went from car to ring way quicker than this .

next week we have the king of veins himself, here to shout back at brock before finally accepting the challenge .

but now, trips enters raw for the first time in like a year .

jojo actually announces him as 'king of kings' .

take that, jesus .

the crowd are freaking out, and frankly, i'm with them on this .

i have nothing but respect for the man .

cuts a promo on how seth is a lil shit and hunter gave him everything he wanted .

which is true, by any objective metric .

apparently he offended trips by giving up the belt when his knee exploded .

and now he's just like hey, shit happens when you're off the circuit for seven months and we still have a show to put on .

which is fair, tbh .

and apparently he's just making an effort to not be a murderer any more and just be a businessman and run a show that works and makes money .

again, by any objective metric, this is a laudable goal .

but wrestling .

and then seth runs in on nxt, which was an enormous ungrateful shitheel move .

and now hhh is angry, weary, and suddenly not wearing a tie .

he's basically being old man logan in this .

so now he's calling seth to the ring so he can rip out his heart .

and here he is .

side note: that promo was fucking great .

he's always been one of the best at putting genuine emotion into promos .

seth runs to the ring, is blindsided and beaten into paste by SAMOA FUCKING JOE .

how did i avoid having this spoiled for nearly a week .

i am so glad i did, though .

i mean, i called joe moving up, but i thought it'd be at the rumble .

hunter puts his jacket back on, leans over a prostrate seth like think you can fuck with me, and calmly walks off .

fuck, he's amazing .

and yeah, now joe is just dropping all his big spots on seth .

who is bumping like a champ .

cole's calling for someone to send out security, corey and byron are both just like the fuck are they going to do, it's samoa joe .

coquina clutches seth into unconsciousness, and stands over him breathing angrily as we fade .

hhh, seth rollins and samoa joe in the same segment .

i am so fucking stoked right now .

welcome back, raw .

right, i'mma go be unreasonably excited about this on my own time .

see you below this line for smackdown, some time before the next episode ends .

------------------------------ .

well, that was a refreshing line

(is an example of a sentence i should maybe have thought about before putting it on the internet) .

brought to you from an undisclosed place and time, this is MONDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN! .

welp, good job not disclosing that time .

we open with a long-ass rumble recap .

but to be fair, it deserved it .

and now pan back to shane, bryan and aj watching that video in the indistinct backstage room .

aj wants his rematch .

before chamber .

apparently the chamber match is aj, cena, miz, bray, baron, and dean .

dean is coincidentally here to talk smack at aj now that ellsworth's out of the picture .

so shane's making those two a match tonight .

and enter john cena, the conquering hero .

in the arena, not shane's office .

and honestly, i can't say anything bad about him .

him v aj at the rumble was fucking stellar .

only all the better for being entirely unexpected .

road to wrestlemania, take a shot of something you'll get deeply tired of in the next 8 weeks .

we're in corpus christi, TX .

otherwise known as 'that little one round the back of christchurch, TX' .

much as i hate myself for making that joke .

cena's trying to get the crowd worked up, and it's kind of not happening .

sure, you might all be styles fans in the south, but respect that match .

cena's out here being magnanimous and talking about how great aj is .

which is nice .

i know not everybody needs to be squeaky-clean babyfaces, but it's nice to have people respect the calibre of their opponents

closes the promo with if you want some, come get sWYATT CUT .

who could have seen that coming .

bray and randy are here .

which finally gets the crowd to chant for cena .

no harper, which is honestly the narrative i'm most interested in on this show after the rumble .

bray leads a sermon with 'the more things change, the more they stay the same' .

i have no idea whether this is wwe being self-aware or not .

apparently bray's going to take the title in the chamber match .

can't see it happening .

according to randy, the wyatts are going to set the championship free .

for one glorious moment, i thought he was going to say 'alight' .

bray and randy advance menacingly, cena responds by removing his shirt and crouching .

this is just how he responds to stress .

wyatt cut no. 2, harper appears next to cena .

but to protect him .

i smell a tag match .

and hey, here's shane to make it a thing .

happening now .

so it's bray/randy vs my wwe champions team .

(true story) .

cut to some more talking about the rumble, cut back and the match is happening .

cena attempts to intimidate randy by pointing at the siiiiiiiign .

doesn't go over well .

and harper tags himself in so he can beat the voluminous levels of shit out of randy .

fight spills out of the ring, mauro feels the need to shout "THEY'RE IN FRONT OF US NOW!" despite the fact that we can literally see them in the same fucking shot .

bray tags in, stares at harper until he backs away slowly and tags cena .

[plot thickens] .

randy strikes up the snakes, goes for an rko, cena just pushes him away like fuck you i'm john cena .

bray tags in, immediately goes over to stare at harper until he stops trying to tag .

wow, that five knuckle shuffle was even further from connecting than usual .

but to be fair, you wouldn't want to punch randy in the head .

risk of drowning in the torrent of scalp blood .

sudden flurry of everyone going for finishers, sister abigail to harper and rko to cena for the pin .

up later, we have becky/naomi v alexa/mickie .

but first, how about a rumble slideshow, accompanied by THIS FUCKING SONG .

and now, ellsworth emerges .

in his new ensemble .

fucker's shinier than sheamus .

oh, here's just here to do carmella's announce .

he is basically just a gender-shifted version of lana .

and i'll be honest, i love it .

carmella's here to fight delilah dawson .

(yeah, i know) .

wearing an exciting new twist on dungarees .

probably the best thing about this match is jbl screaming at mauro for trying to call it seriously .

and code of silence for the tap .

well, that was a thing .

tom tries to segue into an ad for champions, mauro completely misinterprets it and talks about his twitter .

and just stops himself apologising .

stone cold professional there .

and now, kalisto/dolph .

kalisto continues to not give a shit for your human gravity .

pan out to apollo watching this match .

for some reason .

pan out to noam dar watching apollo crews .

pan out to andre the giant watching noam dar from heaven .

pan out to me watching andre and writing this blog .

pan out to you reading this blog .

pan out to apollo crews watching you .

(he's always watching) .

(and very disappointed) .

in any case, while i was writing that, dolph kicked kalisto's head off for the pin .

and tried to take the mask of his disembodied head .

so apollo came in to stop that shit, at which point dolph moved faster than i've ever seen running out through the crowd .

and now, ...dasha? interviews the extremely excited becky and naomi .

who are planning to win this match .

becky is taking exception to being attacked from the past .

fucking time travelling wrestlers .

bane of my life .

ad for mania, and now we have that women's match .

they've changed naomi's gear /again/, but it's actually quite nice this time .

becky comes out, accompanied by more co2 jets than you would think reasonable

mickie's music is in no way the backbeat from mickey by toni basil no sir .

jimmy hart may be gone, but his legacy of thinly-veiled ripoffs of popular songs lives on .

of course, he may also not be gone .

as the internet has just informed me .

well .

ahem .

OH HEY, A MATCH .

naomi goes for her sunset flip over the ropes, alexa clearly has no idea how to sell it .

goes for a crossbody, alexa just ducks and lets her hit the ropes face-first .

and then alexa leans over her to taunt, so naomi leverages both having legs for miles and alexa being a tiny gnome lady by kicking her in the head .

nice sequence there .

to be fair, this is a really good match .

both these teams work really well together .

and i like that alexa and mickie both play proper old-fashioned heels, rather than just crazy or bitchy .

speaking of things it's nice to see in the women's division, becky spears mickie through the ropes while naomi does a jumping enzuigiri to double springboard split moonsault for the pin .

out-fucking-standing .

and now, whoever the fuck she is talks to jason and chad .

who are just like will someone please fucking fight us .

chad puts his hand over his eyes and starts waving a belt, jason's expression as he dodges is a thing of beauty .

fuck, i love these two .

they've got amazing comedic timing and chemistry, along with being dynamite in the ring .

so here they come to issue an open challenge .

you know what, i'm ok with them being the cena of the tag division .

and here come the usos and their daring stupid hat/red trousers combo .

one of them has shaved the sides of his head, which should make them easier to tell apart .

and now the ascension and the vaudevillains are here too .

and breezango .

fuck's sake .

do smackdown management know you can have multiple angles going in the tag division .

you don't need every team in every match .

speaking of, here's slater and rhyno .

aaaaaaand brawl .

sigh .

cut to adverts while they all brawl and mauro promises they'll try and restore order .

cut back, nothing has changed .

fuck order .

alpha get rid of everyone except slater and rhyno, they glare at each other a bit, and end segment .

jbl: "Well, that didn't resolve anything!" .

never a truer word, john .

and now, speaking of chaos, recaps of the nikki/nattie shenanigage .

and cut to bryan on the phone with brie .

as nattie enters with her two bodyguards .

because she no longer feels safe coming to work .

oh hey, guess who's here as well .

the bitching resumes immediately, and bryan futilely tries to restore order before finally shouting them down .

to tell them they've got a match at chamber .

nattie flounces off, cut back to the ring .

dean's coming in, so i guess it's main event time already .

this episode of smackdown has gone even faster than usual .

"That structure is something you want no part of, Tom." .

well yeah, john, he's not actually a wrestler .

although now part of me wants to see a chamber match of phillips/ranallo/saxton/young/caruso/that dude with all the hair was on the tlc preshow .

i can dream .

i mean, renee'd win no problem, but still .

here's neville to do an advert for 205 .

and apparently we're getting cena/orton on smackdown next week .

yaaaaaaaaay .

but yes, now this is dean/aj, with miz and maryse on announce .

of course, miz is primarily here to talk shit about bryan .

oh, and baron .

miz can multishit .

word of the year 2017 .

apparently dean was the only wwe wrestler to do 200 matches last year .

this is predominantly because they haven't signed el ligero yet .

miz is claiming ownership of the yes kicks .

he can certainly fling shit in entirely unexpected ways .

and now baron's here i guess? .

this match was already pretty dull, but now it's intensifying .

and...apparently he's going on announce .

there are now seven people at that announce table .

this is getting ridiculous .

baron is mocking miz for not being in the nfl, miz is like ummmmmm that is not the industry we're in .

miz taking no shit whatsoever .

he's simultameously insulting people who both are and aren't there and still being a better match announcer than david otunga .

dean goes for his stupid suicide dive, aj just punches him in the head as he goes through the ropes .

dean does some kind of vertical suplex/fallaway slam hybrid, because fuck your established techniques, i'm dean ambrose .

aj does an ushigoroshi, which i should be able to remember the english name for but mauro has infected my delicate brain with his insistence on calling spots in japanese .

oh, it's just a fireman's carry neckbreaker .

thought there was another name .

corbin and miz start fighting, mauro commentates on this increasingly breathlessly until concluding with "...and StylesAGHBLAGH" as dean throws aj at him .

aj hits a styles clash for the pin anyway .

and then miz does a finale on dean, before baron does an end of days on both of them .

and fade on him shouting at aj, who has wisely retreated .

well, bit of a lacklustre main event, given that it basically consisted of YOU SHOULD WATCH ELIMINATION CHAMBER, but good ep otherwise

seemed short .

but maybe that's just cos i normally watch both shows back to back .

and, yknow .

it is shorter than it should probably be .

but anyway .

join us next time for the sound of your own skull slowly deflating as our machines remove your soul through your nostrils .

i mean .

um .

wrestling .

yes .

wrestling

we don't even have machines

why would you spread such scandalous lies

#WWE #WWE Raw #wwe smackdown #Wrestling

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