#So there is a chance someone had already made similar predictions

[soft-cristobalite]

There's, like, a day before the finale season of wwdits, so me and my girl made a bingo!!!

Explanation for some of 'em:

The new guy is (ONLY KINDA) homophobic. So, as we know from the trailer, we have a new guy and he looks like he is from the 50s. I think it would be funny if they leaned a bit into the stereotipical conservative 50s daydream only to make fun of it in the process, yk??? "Back in my day men were MEEENN... What the FUUCK is silicone lube" or something 😭

Colin Robinson gets some action. We have seen a few of his crushes, none of them leading anywhere substantial, so i think the finale season is the time my man has his little romantic moment.

Sad nandermo canonisation scene. Wwdits perfectly mixes humor and touching, litteraly soul crushing moments, and I think Nandor and Guillermo sorting things out will destroy me, personally, and a, few other ppl for sure.

Nandor safely gets into the sun. Laszlo was sooo happpyyyyyy when he invented that vampire spf. And i could go on and onnn about how vampires miss their humanhood more than they let on (Laszlo in particular, actually!!!). So, I think Nandor as the oldest of the group deserves the honor to enjoy sunlight, too.

Ukraine gets a mention. I am ukrainian and i want a mention. Thats it, thats the whole point.

Nandermo kiss on scene, fuck behind the screne. I think it's very interesting that even a canon married couple didn't kiss on scene once??? If i remember correctly??? I think if we are getting Nandor and Guillermo together, we are getting a kiss. And an implication of sex.

Funny nandermo canonisation scene. We are trying to score a bingo guys.

[youryurigoddess]

The summer that was never supposed to end

You’ve probably noticed how in Good Omens 2 Crowley’s eyes are brighter, more saturated, as if glistening with liquid gold. We’ve already covered his hair. And it’s not only the visual aspect of him — even in objectively stressful conditions, Crowley appears mature and put together, way cooler and more protective than before. Even his faults are heavily romanticized in the past and present scenes, reminding of the S1 body swap, when Aziraphale projected his love to him on the way he played the demon in Hell.

It’s not just the demon. The whole season is more vibrant, bolder, filled with sunshine. Just like a summer that was never supposed to end. Like a memory of a loved one seen through the eyes of someone who thinks of them every day until the end of the world.

S2 seems ridiculously saturated, whimsical, and full of red and gold, just like a certain demon. Aziraphale not only painted his bookshop in his image, but literally colored the whole world in Crowley’s colors. It was such lush and saturated and blooming with warmth and hazy light.

It’s either that all the newest events are just another memory seen through a certain angel’s eyes, or said angel actively made it appear this way — as in, his feelings grew so strong that they’ve started to warp the reality around him. And it’s a well-known fact that Aziraphale has a tendency to affect his surroundings, either unconsciously, when his presence in the bookshop literally lightens up the sky seen through its windows, or very much consciously, when he takes over the position of a master puppeteer and manipulates people with or without the help of his miracles.

S1 was more dramatic and apocalyptic, but not particularly gray — at least not as much as the color grading typically used in portrayal of similar apocalyptic narratives. S2, at least as seen through Aziraphale’s own La Vie En Rose lens, is vibrant and saturated. And those colors drastically fade in the heavenly light of the elevator during the credits, suggesting that they won’t be as visible in the course of S3.

But I don’t want to ramble about the apocalypse sandwich and the three-act structure here, so let’s circle back to S2.

Good Omens 2 was really set in a summer that was never supposed to end. But it did, autumn crept in, and there was no chance of hearing the nightingales sing. They all had left by the time an angel and a demon finally kissed.

In the most literal sense: the very last nightingales usually migrate from the UK to their wintering grounds in Sub-Saharan Africa in the first days of September.

Aziraphale was right that nothing lasts forever — and the passage of time on Earth is marked by subtle details invisible to the immortal eyes.

The main thing about autumn migration is how sudden and hard to predict it is. The birds start disappearing gradually, often without notice, until at some point they are no longer here. Much like the angel leaves the bookshop — their shared nest — to spread his wings and fight.

And it was basically announced on the poster.

Can you see the migratory formation of birds up in the sky? It looks like Aziraphale is the last one to get off the ground and fly.

[ayabeanworks]

Title: Sweet Dreams

Synopsis: Part 1/3 sequel of Can I Meet You Again? & I'm Home. AU where Geto doesn't defect. Satoru's always been looking your way unintentionally and expresses his fondness of you in actions. But he doesn't understand the way his heart would beat faster the more he basks in your radiance - not until the very last moment, one in which he wished he could rewind time.

Character: Gojo Satoru x reader

Series: Let's Meet in the Spring (SaShiSu x reader)

Notes: This is a sequel to Can I Meet You Again & I'm Home. Pretty much angst with doses of fluff! Mainly in Gojo's POV.

Part 2 (Geto Suguru) here!

Part 3 (Ieiri Shoko) here!

Gojo Satoru would often sneak a couple of kisses to your forehead while you were sleeping.

It was a sweet gesture, something intimate, but could also be something platonic. Something that didn't need words to relay the affections of the person initiating. It was just a kiss, one between best friends.

Right?

That's what Satoru thought when he held your body in his arms on Suguru's curse, voice quivering as he shouted, hands shaking as you bled in his arms.

When you lifted your arm to cradle his cheek and smooth out the area in between his brows, something inside him shattered. The armour surrounding his heart felt fragile and cracked, just like when Riko had died and he wasn't able to protect her even though he vowed to. But, this time it was worse.

It was much worse.

He felt like he was dying.

It was like someone had ripped out his heart after smashing through the armour, stomped on it a thousand times, then pierced it with several knives. Except, his heart was still attached to him and supplying him with life that he could still feel everything.

He could only let out a choked sob because he knew exactly what you wanted to say without even having you say it. He'd been paying attention to you all this time, after all.

Your eyes are too beautiful to be panicking, 'toru.

His six eyes could see many things, but they couldn't predict this type of outcome. The only thing he could see now was the heat leaving your body, the functions beginning to cease.

He didn't want this.

He didn't want you to leave the world like this.

Why would you do this?

Why did you have to take the extreme road?

Why couldn't you have stayed by their side?

By his side?

Why?

Why?

As he wrapped his trembling fingers around your wrist, it was all he could do to support the life ending before his eyes. You didn't know how to use a reverse cursed technique nor was there anyone except Shoko around who was able to do it on another person, so there wasn't any time to waste if he wanted to keep you alive.

But if someone's artery gets cut so deeply, what were the chances of them living after losing so much blood?

There were so many thoughts that went through Satoru's head, but there were none that had a positive conclusion for you.

The only positive conclusion would be when he saw your last apologetic smile change into a serene, calm expression. The day in which he lost the radiance known as you.

He could only scream when he realised he wouldn't be able to see you again, nor will you ever realise the dream you shared with your best friends.

Satoru made you feel safe. His behaviour was fairly flippant and annoying at times, but he was strong, reliable (sometimes even in an aggravating way) and knew what he was doing. Trusting in him was already something you did before you could even think about it - his charisma and loyalty to keeping his promises was strong, covered with layers and layers of bravado similar to the layers of the crepe cake he so loved.

It was one of Satoru's wishes to see you also become a teacher beside him, teaching younger students the system that is Jujutsu and fostering the new generations of sorcerers to overcome the waves of curses that seemed to be getting stronger and stronger.

He'd always thought you'd be a great teacher - you were someone personable and quite loveable, someone who's able to teach others and scold them when needed, soft or hard depending on the situation. He thought it'd make a great balance to his own teaching style and Suguru's.

He could imagine the students running up to you whenever they'd see you, grinning ear to ear as they told you about their day. Suguru and him would be watching in the distance or would by chance catch it while on their way to the next class - in which it would bring smiles to their lips at such a happy atmosphere.

A great distraction from what was to come, and the nature of their jobs as Jujutsu sorcerers.

It was hardly a happy job, faced with the disgusting things known as curses bred by humans. It was no wonder there were those who retired and didn't want anything to do with the world. However, there had to be someone, someone who would work with other selected sorcerers to overcome the negative emotions of society, and fight for a safer and happier place.

And that someone included you.

So when he found his heart beating faster on a random afternoon where you were illuminated by the late afternoon light, he froze in his spot, feet planted on the ground as his mind went blank.

You were so bright, so beautiful and oh so magnetic.

You didn't even do anything but hand him the crepe while smiling. You'd ordered it first after school since it was your weekly crepe day with Satoru, and scolded him jokingly while handing it to him.

Since Satoru was late, he did mutter some apologies but in a very joking way. But the way his words fell off his lips when you handed the crepe to him with a smile ignited his chest in flames, engulfing his whole being as he stuttered out a random joke that didn't have anything to do with whatever he was saying before.

He was lucky the afternoon light was orange as it drowned out how flushed his cheeks and ears were after realising exactly what had happened. He felt so embarrased to continue looking at you after his realisation, but he couldn't look away.

You were just so, so captivating to him.

He didn't even know why he felt this way, is what he tried to reason in his brain, but he already knew, and pushed it deep down. You two had been good friends for a while, and while he was comfortable with the arrangement, these new feelings made him want more.

It didn't help that you were always around so Satoru didn't ever get to breathe.

But, whilst he realised his feelings and came to terms with them later down the track after some period of denial and adjustment, he was grimly reminded that he didn't ever tell you of his feelings.

And he wouldn't ever be able to.

He liked to think those forehead kisses amounted to something - something much closer than just friends, someone who was like a close friend.

But at the same time, close friends don't kiss each other like this so intimately, do they?

Maybe he was just in denial yet again, or maybe he was likening his situation to friendship between women to make himself more comfortable because he didn't want to think too deeply about it, even though he knew the truth deep down.

When he found himself thinking that when he pressed his lips to the top of your head, he wondered to himself why he would even bother. It wasn't as if you would be able to reciprocate in the way that he'd like the most - it was an unrequited, one sided love at best.

And with that in mind, the little sting in his heart began to fester, but he didn't care. He didn't care that it stung him, he didn't care that it was all him. He was content in bathing in your radiance, and wanting nothing more than to stay in that light, he'd do anything, including supressing everything he wanted and more.

But now that you weren't here, the only light he could cling to was Suguru and Shoko.

But they weren't you, and they felt it too.

There was only one time when you felt Satoru's lips on your forehead. It was when you were in a contemplative mood about the future of yourself and others as Jujutsu sorcerers, about the dangers that lay ahead and the uncertainty of everything and everyone involved. He was just there to listen - you had wanted to talk to Suguru about it but he was on a mission, and Shoko was busy dissecting a curse for the night. Satoru was the only one you could turn to.

You were about to sleep after listening to his soft hums, which were a contrast to his usual annoying bratty tone, but felt a tap and his body move closer before you realised what was going on. And everything within you knew that if you 'woke up' right now, the atmosphere would be ruined.

So you let him before actually dozing off in his arms.

Unbeknownst to you, Satoru knew, and he did it this one time a tad bit early and was freaking out a little inside. But thankfully, you didn't do anything so he calmed down, but he couldn't stop the hot flush that spread through his body for getting caught. However, he didn't dare move, and you enjoyed the extra warmth for the night while snuggling into him.

It was all worth it in the end for him, and he was glowing the next day, grinning ear to ear as he felt the best he had in ages.

You had no idea what was going on, dismissing it as just a usual antic of Satoru on a cool autumn day.

The crepe shop where Satoru and you frequented was a little tradition that you both had when you first discovered it in your first year at Jujutsu High. Satoru was a sweet tooth and more often than not, dragged the rest of you around to try some new place. The one that stuck, was that specific crepe shop.

It was so delicious that Satoru declared he would go back every week as a joke, but when you said you would join him because you liked sweets also, he was ecstatic and you both made it a thing.

That's why his feet took him to the shop, reminiscing the old times he was fond of. It was a path he took more than a thousand times over several hundred years, hoping to at least catch a glimpse of you - of the radiance he was robbed of in front of his very eyes.

But this time, he wanted to see you without having to suppress the words he wanted to say, without having to see you lose your mind, without having you live in a world where you were forced to mold yourself into something you weren't proud of due to societal standards and without having to see you choose the ending that even you didn't want.

He wanted to hear you say his nickname again with that sweet voice of yours, the same way you've said it again and again, so that the strings of his heart would play again.

He didn't want to stop hearing your voice. He'd been deprived of it for so long - he yearned for it so much, he'd hear it in his dreams, and his heart would hurt, as if to tell him he's being a fucking idiot and that he should just stop because there was no way he was ever going to see you again.

But he wished, and wished so badly for it to happen, that it eventually did, many, many years later.

Now the memory that kept him alive through the unwritten response to the letter you gave him, could now be spoken directly to you, face to face in a world without curses, just as you so wished.

A/N: And here's the sequel from mainly Gojo's POV! There's also Suguru and Shoko's part as well, and it's a direct sequel to Can I Meet You Again? & I'm Home. Enjoy! 💞

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

This one guy I talked to on AO3 said that Emilie shouldn't be brought back because Adrien has already moved on from her death, but I'm not so sure about that. Other people think she should be revived so she can be her own character and not just someone else's sad backstory, and so Adrien has one good parent, of course. What do you think?

I think that it depends on the story you want to tell. There are cases to be made for bringing her back and cases to be made for letting her die. In the context of canon, I find not bringing her back to be fing stupid because it makes everything feel pointless. We obviously don't know the wish yet, but why let Gabe make the wish at all if he's not going to restore Emilie? Making a different wish isn't him being a good guy at the end. It's still him playing god, he's just now using his god powers to abandon his son for no logical reason. What loving father happily leaves his son an orphan???

Yeah, Gabriel saved Nathalie. I don't care. Nathalie chose to use the peacock to support Gabriel in his plan to terrorize Paris. That wasn't some noble sacrifice on her part! She didn't deserve to be saved any more than Gabriel did. Of the three dying/dead parental figures (I really don't know Emilie's status) Emilie is the only one who was never tempted by the dark side if we ignore the uncomfortable implications of how they got the peacock in the first place/Adrien's childhood isolation and just embrace the canon narrative that Emilie was a good and loving mother who was Too Pure For This World.

Meanwhile, Nathalie was a terrible mother figure! She supported Gabriel's awful treatment of Adrien for four seasons and then spent all of season five gently prodding Gabriel to change/tell Adrien the truth while leaving Adrien completely in the dark to everything that was happening. If Gabriel hasn't won, then Adrien would have lost both his father and Nathalie who knew that they were dying, but never gave Adrien a chance to say goodbye because Nathalie never stopped putting Gabriel first in almost every way that mattered. Adrien still doesn't know that he could have been allowed say goodbye to his father because Gabriel's death was entirely predictable.

Along similar lines, I don't think that Nathalie was wrong to undo Gabriel's senticommands, but it is deeply messed up that she was happily doing it in secret and never once considered giving Adrien a chance to consent. A loving parent should find the idea of controlling their child deeply upsetting. She should have been tempted to tell Adrien the truth, especially since she knew that she was dying, but we never see her consider that.

She also does nothing to get Adrien's slave collar away from Gabriel or to stop Gabriel from terrorizing Paris even though we have a scene where she literally pins Gabriel to a table. Her turn to "good" did nothing but maintain the status quo because she continued to support Gabriel in all the ways that truly matter. She never really protects Adrien. She does not deserve to be Adrien's new mother. #BringEmilieBack!!!

All of that is assuming that Gabriel's wish saved Nathalie while sacrificing himself and Emilie. If so, then that is literally the most boring way to go about letting the wish happen. You could have just as easily had Gabriel lose and have Ladybug know a way to save Nathalie via Guardian magic. The end result would have been the same.

If Gabriel had chosen to give up on the wish entirely? Then Emilie not coming back would be a satisfying ending. I personally really like Gabriel being defeated and the heroes then bringing Emilie back. Very much a spite move for me, plus it's a nice way to lessen the sting of Gabriel's defeat. Adrien losing his father, but gaining his mother feels really satisfying to me, especially if Emilie gets to serve Gabriel divorce papers. Got your wish, old man. Now suffer for it.

No matter the case, saying that Emilie shouldn't be brought back because Adrien has moved on is bad logic as it implies that Emilie is only worth bringing back if Adrien say he wants her back, as if she's a beloved childhood toy that someone broke long ago. It also implies that Adrien wouldn't want her back just because he's accepted her loss. Those are two very different things. Imo, one of the show's failings is the fact that Adrien is denied the right to grieve as if that makes him a better person. A better show would show healthy grief vs unhealthy grief (Adrien vs Gabe). She's been gone less than a year when the story starts. Everyone processes grief different, but that's really fast to move on from the death of a parent.

[riririnnnn]

Warning: Anime Spoilers.

So this:

It was revealed in the very start of NEL that Kunigami was trained/made to be a copycat of Noel Noa.

But.

Until now it was never said that the whole program of Wild Card was to help the Blue Lock-ers (not eliminated) get better.

And as sad and heartbreaking it was for me to see Kunigami like this, I also couldn't help, but notice that this, ironically, has been the calmest he has ever been while talking with someone. I mean, it's probably one of rare times when he actually talked without hurling curse words or roasting someone (Yes dear, it's only one word, "No," but let a girl dream, okay?)

Which makes me think that Kunigami is purposely, consciously sacrificing himself. Why? Well, what heroes do? Yeah, they sacrifice themselves for others. He is sacrificing himself to be a stepping stone for his peers to walk on and go ahead.

BUT.

We know that Ego and Noa had been rivals in the past, and judging by the former's hostility towards the other in the recent chapter, which by the way, is the first time we are seeing them interact, it's safe to say that they didn't have a friendly rivalry at all.

Which brings me to my actual theory that what if Wild Card was a lie? What if everything was a lie? I mean, we know for sure that Ego is a proficient liar, so it wouldn't surprise me if he did it more often. So what if Kunigami is just faking it till now about everything under Ego's orders? To raise the level of players you know, just as the way Ego lied about having higher stratums or something like that before the second selection.

OR

This goes a bit darker.

What if Ego already had his eyes on Kunigami? Especially since the orange head and Noa are VERY similar (people who have read the LN would understand better) to eachother especially in the emotions department. So, maybe, Ego already had some kind of plan to pull out Kunigami from Blue Lock, and to train him in order to dethrone Noa since he himself couldn't do it on his own.

If that's true, then Kunigami getting out in second selection was just a golden opportunity for Ego. Further, the humiliation Kunigami felt because of Shidou made things more easier for Ego to mold him to his liking— that man is a really good talker.

Well.

Even though I had fun making my two braincells roundhouse kick eachother while thinking about this theory, deep down, I highly think this thing isn't plausible. Wild Card has been hyped up till now, and readers are very curious too. I don't think so that Kaneshiro-san or Nomura-san will break the silence just to make Ego a villain.

Personally, I too believe in the widely popular theory that Kunigami eliminated the rest of the players during the Wild Card training which includes the Team Z which in turn made him hollow since he is crushing people's dreams, and Heroes don't do that.

However, one small plot hole (?) I can't wrap my mind around is that NEL wasn't planned. I mean, when the Blue Lock project started, I don't think that Ego had thought that JFU would try to halt it in between, but even if he had thought about that and beforehand made plans of taking over the Japan's U-20 soccer team, I find it really hard to believe that he had predicted that the whole world would get invested in Blue Lock.

So, it leaves me with a question, "What the hell Ego was trying to do?" I mean, if NEL was never planned to happen, then what would've happened to Kunigami? Why was Ego invested in Kunigami to give him a second chance? Would he have just thrown back Kunigami into the pit with others without explaining anything? What was even the motive?

Maybe only time would tell.

.

.

.

Ego is my babygirl. Even if he indeed becomes a villain, I'll just be like, "oH hi vEnOmOOsE!"

[starlightshadowsworld]

Hajime always makes an effort to refer to Makoto with his actual talent.

He wasn't sure if anyone else has noticed, but everyone refers to Makoto as the ultimate hope.

It's not out of jealously as you might think, but concern.

Hajime memories aren't the best, but he does know what happened to him.

How Hopes Peak tried to erase him to create Izuru.

Their ultimate hope.

And maybe it's just paranoia but he's afraid the future foundation are trying to do the same to Makoto.

Trying to erase who he is to create their ultimate hope, just not as drastic as what happened to Hajime.

Because when people think of the Ultimate Luckster, they tend to think of Nagito.

Nagito as a Remnant was terrifying, they all were but Nagito had always been the most vocal about his opinions and thoughts.

Especially in terms of hope and despair.

It doesn't take a genius to realise that people may associate two people with the same talent together.

Especially considering Makoto and Nagito were very alike. They were both passionate about hope, they both dressed similarly, even their voices sounded similar.

To the point Hajime wondered if they were somehow related.

In any case, it made sense for the future foundation to try and differentiate Makoto from being seen like Nagito.

Especially given Makoto's luck. Nagito's luck was easy to understand, it was very cause and effect and worked as a 50/50 chance.

It was strong but it was predictable, everything Makoto's was not.

Makoto's luck changed wildly, it was good for a while than had for a second than bad for a while than suddenly good.

It was something even Junko, with all her genius and being the ultimate analyst herself couldn't account for.

It made him, to the future foundations eyes very dangerous.

The irony they'd than give him the title of someone even more dangerous.

Whenever Makoto's luck was bought up it was usually as an insult.

The "oh for someone so lucky you're sure having a bad time" sort of thing.

Hajime hated seeing the small self depricating smile he'd give in return. Speaking of similarities with Nagito.

His change off attire was the future foundation uniform but Makoto still held onto his old style of clothing, wearing it whenever he was out of office.

Something his superiors frowned upon but Hajime and his friends encouraged.

He could tell they'd figured it out and were not happy about it.

Especially Nagito.

For all his complaints about his talent, it was still his talent. He still loved his talent, more so now he'd met Makoto.

To have part of yourself looked down upon and people trying to erase it, didn't sit right with him. It didn't sit right with any of them.

Hajime was just wondering when the best to approach Makoto about it.

He was sure Makoto had noticed, he always sent Hajime a thankful smile when the other picked up on when his good luck was coming out.

And the happiness he'd feel when Nagito called him his fellow luckster.

Makoto deserved the title of Ultimate Hope, but not at the cost of who he is.

Especially for others to use him for their own gain.

Hajime had already been there, done that and he wasn't about to lose someone else the way the world tried to erase him.

Especially not Makoto, not after everything he's done.

[melodramatic-orchestra]

you know what everyone struggles with, in 5x04? the episode where after maddie leaves, and esp the scene where chimney meets up with buck (and ends up punching him...)

it's no one's fault, and also everyone's fault.

1. Maddie : maddie's incident with jee yun makes her believe that she's a bad mother, when in actual fact, she's done the absolute best she can, especially when she wasn't with Chimney.

Maddie leaving jee yun at the firehouse with only ravi there, was a bad move, she left her with someone who she doesn't know, looked like he doesn't have any experience with taking care of a baby, unloaded that responsibility on him. She left with everyone in the dark, especially chimney. She only told Buck, which was also unfair because now he's in an awkward position as maddie's brother and chimney's friend.

She left to get treated for her postpartum in the end, after trying to her own life in the ocean. She left out of suicidal thoughts. She made sure to come back, getting herself treated the best she could with help.

Chimney: Chimney unravels after maddie leaving. Being left with only a short video that has undertones of her voice sounding like even she doesn't believe herself, he struggles with work, the house and jee yun.

Chimney wasn't there. That's something he knows, too. He did it once in the beginning of the pregnancy, and what the audience doesn't notice is that he repeats it. It's not on purpose, of course. The blackout was troublesome, having him leave days on end, maddie and jee yun alone. He should've stayed with them, that's it. It went on for days, and the minute it went on longer, he could've pit in a request to leave, something most of us knows bobby would've approved. But that didn't happen. This isn't really a fault, more of something he could've done. Which is probably what he overthinks and ends up lashing out on buck for. He punches buck and lashes out on him for being in the dark about maddie, even though Buck could've told him, which he eventually does only because Chimney figured out Buck already had known. He shouldn't have punched buck full stop. The relationship between them got strained from there even though Chimney has done something similar to buck as well in the past. But I'm not going into that.

Chimney's words when he was talking was right though, maddie is scared and alone, only because she's being led on by her own fear, which knows because she's opened up to Chimney about it, not buck (which chimney doesn't realise) coming to my next point.

Buck: Buck keeps a huge secret for maddie from Chimney because she asked him to. Possibility on him negating the entire thing the entire time, maddie is telling him this is high. My own prediction is that he was unable to do that also because he was on shift. Chances are that maddie told him on the phone, due to the long shift.

Buck should've told Chimney immediately. I mean, he does, because even he can't take it seeing his friend like this. But he does, and that'sonly because again Chimney figures it out, so he'll leave maddie alone, which isn't right. Buck's response to Maddie leaving as we all know is, she'll come back. Whether he's blinded by the relationship that's been set from how they grew up together or from wishful thinking is an unrelated story for later.

Buck does his best to help Chimney later by telling him where he thinks she is, from her phone call, where she asks him why he told Chimney. His own talk with Eddie helps him in realising that his sister isn't just his sister. She is someone with other faces and has flaws.

Maddie left in her own breakdown after her catalyst freak accident with Jee Yun but went to get treated for her and Chimney. Chimney punched Buck, but his own words after that say how scared he was his partner is out there alone, when she needs someone more than ever. Buck should've never kept this secret from Chimney, but he ended up doing that from his past experience with Maddie.

When i say no one's at fault and everyone's at fault, i mean, i can blame everyone, but i can't one person individually cause it's a ripple effect of faults from here and there. If i played the blame, I'll never get to the bottom of it and fail to see and support the characters' decision to do what's best for them.

Maddie Buckley, Howard Han, Evan Buckley, they could never make me hate you.

[eddiezpaghetti]

Hallo! Like many other people, I found you thanks to the incredible piece on why Byler IS GONNA be endgame. In your second/response post on this matter you briefly mentioned Supernatural, Teen Wolf and Sherlock, and I was wondering if you could make direct comparisons to these cases and explain how exactly they differ from Byler. If you knew about these shows while they were still airing, did you also strongly believe or at least had a bit of hope that those ships would become canon? If no, what are the main differences that make ST's pair so unique? If yes, do you believe you overlooked/assumed things back then that you now account for better? And sorry if this is an annoying or repetitive question, I imagine you've gotten a bunch of similar requests and you might want to distance yourself from the topic alr + from what little I know about those 2010s shows I can already kind of predict the answer myself thanks to your definitions of queerbaiting v queer-coding v accidental romance, so I guess this is more of an excuse so I get a chance to read another one of your masterful posts, apologies for that hehe <3

Honestly, I used those examples because they're really well-known in general, not because I'm an expert on those pieces of media. A piece of media I probably know better on a personal level that did queerbaiting isn't even a great example because it was just on such a small scale, but definitely still held true under "We're doing this simultaneously to pander to and make fun of queer people," but no one was too invested because it was with a minor character, so no one cared much, and no one really believed was going to happen. Tonally, though, it matches up with the other examples, and it's another piece of shit that came straight outta Moffat's ass. Uhh...

Yes, that's James Corden. Not relevant. The important thing is that this is a scene that works as an example of what The Queerbaiting Tone™ feels like.

If you haven't seen Doctor Who--first of all, how did you find Tumblr, but more importantly--this character was in a whopping two episodes. Minor character, had a love interest, but his relationship with the Doctor was still remarkably, like, intimate?

The doctor's companions never joined him on the episodes he was with this character, they were roommates for a while (oh my god they were roommates), they had the whole one-sided-rivals thing (Corden's character was jealous of how the Doctor seemed to charm everyone around him while the Doctor just wanted Corden's character safe and happy), there was a goddamn scene where Corden's character got poisoned and the Doctor nursed him back to health complete with staying at his bedside and gently brushing the hair out of his eyes and all that shit... And the second episode Craig (I just remembered the character's name--shut up, it's been a while) was in happened because the Doctor was informed he was about to die and he decided Craig was someone he wanted to see just one last time.

Then the above scene happened.

And you can see that, like, it's blatantly a joke, Craig mentions he has a wife, he's such a minor character that no one actually believes he's going to romance the Doctor and run away with him, but all of the genuine moments between them still happened. This is still a character the Doctor (normally a ~mysterious~ character) chose to have a goddamn Vulcan-style mind-meld with.

And, again, this was a joke. The punchline is the idea of them being gay. Hilarious. Two men being in love. Absolutely ground-breaking humor.

Queerbaiting is just that scene, and those two episodes of Doctor Who, but with a much longer buildup to the punchline. The longer that buildup is, the more real it feels. The more effort is spent on it, the more you want to believe it's too much effort to be a joke. And the more space is spread about between them, the harder it is to remember all the little micro-jokes the big joke is made of.

And again, Byler has never had that. Stranger Things has never had that. I'd love to show every goddamn scene with a queer character or queerness mentioned in the show just to prove that it's not the same, but that's hard because it's harder to show the absence of something than the presence of something. It'd take too long. And the sincere scenes that do make up Will and Mike's love story, those are between the jokes with queerbaiting. Again, there was a scene in Doctor Who where Craig got poisoned and the Doctor stayed by his bedside and made him tea and did his work for him in the meantime so he wouldn't fall behind. But, again, that's between jokes.

Mike and Will have never developed their relationship between jokes. They're not a punchline. There's no joke here. It's only Mike desperately calling Will's name through the radio when he hears him singing. It's only Mike saying that meeting him was the best thing he's ever done. It's only Will tearfully telling Mike that he wanted to play games with him for the rest of his life. It's only Will giving Mike a veiled confession by projecting his feelings onto El. Over and over and over again, it's sincere, sincere, sincere, sincere, sincere.

Their closeness isn't funny, it's just love. And that's the difference.

[douglysium]

Episode 19 TMP Quick Thoughts

Housekeeping and Prologue

Hello, this is Douglysium and you might not know me as that guy who wrote over 100 pages of analysis on the Eye (which can be read on Tumblr here (https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/735599414228484097/the-relationships-between-the-dread-powers-the) or Google Docs here (The Relationships Between the Dread Powers: The Eye- Knowledge is Fear and Ignorance is Bliss)) or as that guy who wrote an article on the Extinction (which can be read on Tumblr here(https://douglysium.tumblr.com/post/717929126195003392/what-would-avatars-of-the-extinction-be-like-a) and Google Docs here(​What would Avatars of the Extinction be like?: A TMA Speculation)). Suffice to say I might be a bit of a TMA fan. Also, spoilers for TMP up until episode 10. You can read my ramblings on the last episode here (Episode 18 TMP Quick Thoughts).

However, Protocol offers a very unique opportunity and experience for me because I didn’t actually get into TMA until after it was over and I binged all of it. So this is my first time experiencing something even remotely similar to what the original TMA fans probably experienced when waiting for each episode week by week and slowly having to put everything together with the limited information they had. So I decided to throw my hat into the ring since this might be my only chance to do something similar. However, I’m working on some longer form TMA content so I can’t spend as much time on these articles giving a bunch of super detailed thoughts. I will try to keep these short and that inevitably might mean some could have questions about why I think or predict certain things and in those cases I would probably recommend you read at least some of the two articles I mentioned above to get a better idea of where I’m coming from. This also means I won’t be giving you a play-by-play of every single thing that happens in the episode so I encourage you to listen to or read them yourselves and feel free to comment if you feel something is important.

These reviews are probably going to end up focusing mostly on the Entities and their manifestations as they are what I have thought about the most and spent the most time interpreting and there’s been a lot of… interesting theories floating around about how the Entities are manifesting that I want to go over.

Finally, I’m just going to say it right now, spoiler warning for all of The Magnus Archives. I know that Jon and co said one could start with Protocol and be fine, and while that’s probably true, media like this tends to be made in conversation with or take into consideration what came before it in the irl chronology in order to connect them. While I’m sure you could skip The Magnus Archives, I don't really see the point of skipping over it when we are already getting characters from TMA showing up in TMP in Protocol. So to me it’s pretty clear that if we want to understand the full picture of TMP and all the things it is trying to say then we can’t just try to pretend TMA doesn’t exist or scrub it away. Just because you could understand what’s happening without the context in broad strokes doesn’t mean you're getting all the nuances.

These articles are meant to be quick and short so sorry if there’s typos and if I don’t address every possible question or possibility. I don’t want to repeat myself too much in this series outside of the prologue so be sure to skim some of my other articles.

Episode 19 “Hard Reset”

I’m actually SUPER excited to dive into analyzing this episode because I feel like it validates some of the major themes and points I made in my essay about The Eye (The Relationships Between the Dread Powers: The Eye- Knowledge is Fear and Ignorance is Bliss). So I’m just going to cut the preamble and dive into the episode.

We start off in the OIAR break room as something / someone observes Sam pouring himself a coffee. He walks over to Celia as she looks at some papers and comments “Looks like you raided every photocopier in the building this time.” Implying that Celia has an absurd amount of papers at the moment. Sam comments “The papers? There seems to be more of them every time I come in here. You’re lucky Lena hasn’t noticed, she’s pretty uptight about how much stuff we print.” which is an interesting note about Lena’s personality or priorities even if it isn’t much. It goes without much saying that Lena seems to care a lot about the company and the employees to some extent. Although, I think Lena’s attachment to the staff is completely business related and not some kind of personal attachment.

Sam notices the papers Celia is looking through and says something that so many fans, such as myself, have been waiting for since the second we saw the Protocol logo.

“Is that… alchemy?” 

Celia asks if Sam recognizes the alchemy stuff to which Sam says “Some of it.” and explains that he ran into some alchemy related stuff when looking into the Magnus Institute and even says “Turns out they were pretty deep into all this stuff.” He also comments on one of the papers: “This one’s something to do with transference and this one… yeah, it’s all about spiritual substitution of elements although looks like its incomplete.” I wonder if this is some kind of hint to what the Institute was trying to achieve in Protocol. I could see transference somehow being related to Darien’s case or the transfer of people from other universes but I’m not sure.

The Institute being mentioned causes Celia to ask Sam how his research into the organization is going. Sam answers with “I dunno. I think I’m going to drop it.” and explains “Yeah, Alice keeps saying I’m getting obsessed and- don’t tell her I said this- but I think she might have a point. I’ve never been good with loose ends.” The conversation then continues with-

CELIA 

“If you’re sure. Seemed like you were handling it ok to me…’ 

SAM 

“You think? Well either way, I’ve got enough cases piling up I doubt I’d have the time anyway.” 

CELIA 

“Tell me about it.’ 

SAM 

“(standing) Speaking of, I should probably get back to it. Enjoy… whatever this is.” 

CELIA 

“Will do. And if I find anything to do with the Institute, I just keep it to myself yeah?”

SAM 

“Oh, well, I mean… I wouldn’t go that far…” 

This interaction has me wondering a bit more about Celia’s motives. I’m not sure if Celia is good or evil yet and if she plans to stop the Entities / Institute or enable them but I get the feeling that the reason she is helping Sam isn’t completely altruistic or just out of love for the guy, and she has something to gain from him looking into the Institute. Celia is looking into multiversal travel and we know that at the very least the Institute was aware of and seemingly present when Darien jumped universes Episode 17 (Saved Copy), so it’s possible that the Institute had looked into what Celia is searching for previously or the two subjects overlap greatly. So I do think Celia is using Sam but that doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t care about him at all (so that’s still up in the air).

What Even is The Eye?

Okay, as excited as I am to dive into the case I think it’s important to do a bit of explaining about my research and understanding of The Eye in TMA, as I feel this case shares a lot of themes that I mentioned in a previous essay. If you want to read the full essay you can do so here (The Relationships Between the Dread Powers: The Eye- Knowledge is Fear and Ignorance is Bliss) but for now I’m just going to copy and paste a snippet of the essay… look these “quick” thoughts end up averaging like 15 pages each week and I can only keep typing the same 2 points over and over, corners are going to be cut (also I put a LOT of work into my research on The Eye).

“Before we can dive into some of the comparisons and contrasts between the Eye and the other Entities, we must first define the Eye by understanding the fear it embodies and some of the imagery associated with it.

The Eye is an entity that is stated to have been born from, and feed off of, the fear of being watched, exposed, followed, of having secrets known, but also the drive to know and understand, even if your discoveries might destroy you. Getrude also mentions it feeds off the fear of being judged in MAG 161(Dwelling). With entities such as this, some of the fears may seem random or not quite connected to each other so I thought it would help to try to find not only what connects all these together but boil them down to their core essence. This is surprisingly easy since the fears of most Entities can usually be connected by very basic words or phrases. 

Basically, it appears that the Eye revolves around fears that have to do with knowledge. Whether that be the fear of someone knowing about you, someone attempting to understand something about you, or the fear of coming across a piece of knowledge you would rather not know. One way this can manifest is by something trying to reveal or gather knowledge about you. Which can be done in ways such as watching someone, exposing their secrets, listening to private conversations, etc. This is also where I think the whole following aspect of the Eye comes from. It’s the idea that someone is observing you, which is a form of gathering information, for any sort of purposes. When we think of why someone would be following someone / something else it is usually connected to information. Maybe they are trying to follow you to your house, maybe they are trying to see if you go to a place where they KNOW you’re alone, or maybe they are just trying to spy on you. Typically, when someone is following you they are either gathering information or waiting for the right moment to strike (which also involves getting information. 

The Eye’s theme of being exposed also connects to what Gertrude said in regards to it and the fear of being judged. If you are being judged then something is not only watching and / or paying attention to you but they are also trying to understand you or expose who / what you are. A lot of the time, when we are being judged, people are looking for faults and shortcomings or something they can exploit. Which is something that many find scary. There is also the fact that if someone is judging you then they could come across some fact about you that you don’t want them to know about (Imagine if someone went through your house to appraise how clean it was just to point out how dirty it is or if they found something you hid). Someone judging you may also be looking for something bad to do to you. Maybe they noticed how valuable your jewelry is and are thinking about stealing it now.

Something that I feel many miss is that the Eye not only focuses on the fear of someone / something gaining / exposing knowledge and secrets about you but also the idea of forbidden or cursed knowledge. In essence, there are some things that people don’t want to know about, something that the TMA wiki lists as “horrible knowledge.” This kind of fear also feeds the Eye, it's the reason why Jonah Magnus can shove information into people’s minds. Has anyone ever told you some weird disgusting fun fact that you didn’t need or want to know? Have you ever heard the phrase “ignorance is bliss,” “out of sight out of mind,” or “what you don’t know can’t hurt you?” Have you ever seen something that you wish you didn’t and just want to forget about, or maybe you just walked in on your naked grandma? https://www.youtube.com/shorts/752Tb059OH8 

There is also the stereotypical setup where someone witnesses a murder and immediately realizes that they weren’t supposed to see that and by merely knowing what they just saw a target has been put on their head. There are people who really don’t want you to know stuff and if they realize you know it you might be in trouble. These are all things that connect to aspects of the Eye. 

What I’m trying to get across with all these examples is that knowledge in and of itself can be scary and a burden. Something that in turn feeds the Eye. This is also why we have weird Eye related statements like the one in MAG 23 where one by the name of Albrecht von Closen sees a man with missing eyes. To some of the more astute viewers this seems pretty weird. Usually, the lack of eyes or missing eyes is associated with the Dark because it has to do with blindness and being unable to see. However, while it is stated that the man in question could seemingly still see clearly (which is what made it weird), I believe that when the Eye takes away someone’s eyes it has to do with the idea that the person in question saw something that they weren’t supposed to or didn’t want to know. That whatever they saw and knew led to them getting put in danger either physically or mentally. Either that or the idea that someone would rather go blind and remain in ignorance than see / know something. 

Imagine witnessing something so terrible it makes you want to claw your own eyes out. I think many can also relate to the idea of wanting to ignore a problem or not even think about it instead of addressing it. There’s also the idea of some sort of forbidden knowledge that can drive you mad as a common trope in horror. 

Connected to this point is the drive to know and understand, even if your discoveries might destroy you. What this basically refers to is sometimes we want to know something even if we know it might hurt us. Think of wanting to know what happened to a loved one or friend even if you know what you are about to hear is going to be terrible, or being unable to look away from a horrific accident or brutal violence uploaded onto the internet even though it traumatizes you. The Eye has a big “curiosity killed the cat” and “ignorance is bliss” theme that I think a lot of people overlook. Something that is also reflected in what we learn in regards to the Eye’s creation in MAG 200(Last Words). When we learn in what order the Fears were born and the fears that led to their creation we get this: “and struggle at learning, so too did they learn to fear that their eyes might deceive them, or show them too much.” Here the “fear that their eyes might deceive them” is the Spiral while the fear of being shown too much is the Eye since none of the other fears mentioned in that statement match up with the Eye and clearly correspond with the other Entities.”

Here’s another part of the essay I want to show- “If you still don’t get what I mean in regards to the parallels between knowledge and fear the best example I can think of is the story of Adam and Eve from the Bible. For those who don’t know, the story of Adam and Eve revolves around the first humans in the Garden of Eden. In the story Adam and Eve basically lived perfect peaceful lives in the Garden of Eden. In this garden there was a tree and God told them to not eat of its fruit as the fruit was one of knowledge but it would give them knowledge of both good and evil and he warned them that should they eat it they will die. A serpent tricks them into eating the fruit by promising that the knowledge they would obtain would make them sort of like God in the sense that they would have his knowledge of good and evil. Upon eating it they gained the knowledge of both good and evil but immediately became ashamed as they realized they were naked and without clothes. Something that I feel hammers in my point, and the fear of exposure ironically relates to the Eye. Adam and Eve would not have felt afraid or embarrassed about being naked if they hadn’t obtained the knowledge because they would have had no concept of clothes. Also, by eating the fruit they no longer knew only goodness but also knew evil which meant that they were no longer innocent in a sense. Since they now had evil knowledge and could comprehend evil actions they could also perform them to themselves or others and comprehend more ways in which someone could perform those actions on them. I would say that in a weird way some of the themes of Adam and Eve can tie into the Eye and one could argue that at a certain point suffering comes with knowledge. It’s basically the whole idea that “ignorance is bliss.””

The most important thing to take away here is that The Eye isn’t just the fear of being watched or being known but also the fear of being the watcher or knowing too much. There are some things that you don’t want to know. We also get some interesting comments in MAG 111 (Family Business) when Jon asks “R-r-right. I know The Eye. Fear of being watched, right?” Gerard adds “Being watched, being followed, having your deepest secrets exposed. Needing to know, even if your discoveries might destroy you. The feeling that something, somewhere, is letting you suffer, just so it can watch.” So The Eye has some sort of connection to a desire to know and all the terrible things people can do in their search for knowledge. There seems to be a connection to the fear that someone might hurt you in an attempt to learn something, someone is sadistically watching your pain, or that you might hurt yourself in order to learn something. The Eye also loves to prey on or amp up existing curiosity in the same way that The Slaughter likes to feed anger or The Hunt likes to feed the excitement that comes with chasing something.

I’m going to be coming back to a lot of these points as I go through this case so try to keep them in mind. The Eye can easily relate to things like dangerous / forbidden / blasphemous knowledge, or the fear of someone who has gotten too curious.

Case

The case is immediately off to an interesting start with “To my esteemed Colleague and 

friend, the honorable Fellow of the Royal Society Robert Boyle, from the bureau of Robert Hooke, Curator of Experiments of the same, regarding enactment of that most regrettable protocol in the service of God, King and Country against the Fellow Isaac Newton, penned in the year of our lord 1684” TMA has had real life historical figures appear in the past and they tend to be pretty important whenever they do (such as Robert Smirke). Also a fun fact about Isaac Newton was that, among other things, he was an alchemist. So what we see him doing in this case might be some attempt at alchemy and Isaac probably was not randomly picked for this plot point. Especially when you consider the earlier conversation Sam had with Celia and we can assume that what the computers decide to show Sam isn’t always random.

Robert’s letter (I assume Robert Hooke is writing this because the letter ends with Robert’s name being penned and the writer references a book they worked on called Microphagia. A book that Hooke actually wrote) is some sort of plea for an intervention in regards to Isaac Newton’s latest experiments. Robert says “I write to you now with intelligence of the gravest nature and a proposal most severe. I pray that my words do not further estrange you from me and that you believe me when I assure you that the suggested action is profoundly necessary for the continuation and preservation of Good Science.” and “We have much discussed the great divide between Isaac’s experimentations and your own essential works and so I have oft found myself at odds with you for, though much of his work is dubious in its moral principle, his studies have always proven most illuminative and have many times assisted my own researches. I fear however, his most recent works have disturbed this precarious equilibrium, turning instead to most improper, perhaps blasphemous, ends and I find myself left with no recourse other than to make it known to you in the hope that I might reawaken our previously close concord, which has lain dormant these long years, in service of a wholesale rejection of his creation which, I am of the firm opinion has finally erred towards the abominable and must be halted.” So Isaac’s experiments have taken some sort of weird turn.

Based on my sparse research, Robert Boyle is another irl figure. One who is a famous scientist that was also an alchemist (kind of like Isaac Newton in that way) that lived around the same time period. Newton’s wikipedia page states “Newton and Robert Boyle's approach to the mechanical philosophy was promoted by rationalist pamphleteers as a viable alternative to the pantheists and enthusiasts, and was accepted hesitantly by orthodox preachers as well as dissident preachers like the latitudinarians. The clarity and simplicity of science was seen as a way to combat the emotional and metaphysical superlatives of both superstitious enthusiasm and the threat of atheism, and at the same time, the second wave of English deists used Newton's discoveries to demonstrate the possibility of a "Natural Religion". The attacks made against pre-Enlightenment "magical thinking", and the mystical elements of Christianity, were given their foundation with Boyle's mechanical conception of the universe. Newton gave Boyle's ideas their completion through mathematical proofs and, perhaps more importantly, was very successful in popularising them.” So there is a prominent historical connection between the two.

Newton himself also had a massive interest in alchemy as the wiki states “Of an estimated ten million words of writing in Newton's papers, about one million deal with alchemy. Many of Newton's writings on alchemy are copies of other manuscripts, with his own annotations. Alchemical texts mix artisanal knowledge with philosophical speculation, often hidden behind layers of wordplay, allegory, and imagery to protect craft secrets. Some of the content contained in Newton's papers could have been considered heretical by the church.” That last sentence is probably what’s inspiring some of the conflict in this case, especially since Boyle seemed super religious.

As Robert Hooke keeps going he mentions a protocol when saying “I recall with much shame that it was myself who pressed you so vociferously for restraint the last time this Protocol was enacted. It was I who begged patience, certain as I was that my work on Micrographia might have rendered a remedy for that most awful plague. It was I who warned that to enact a Protocol against the great city of London itself was a step beyond the rights of our position, but you were, as is so oft the case, correct in your steadfastness and I confess purgation of all that most dangerous and unfit knowledge was both necessary and good. It was only through the Protocol that we were spared from that Dread emission and I fear that such an act is once again required, though it is my fervent hope that on this occasion there is still sufficient time to limit the breadth of the poisonous act.” This could be the fabled Magnus Protocol or what ended up giving birth to the Magnus Institute within the Protocol universe in some way.

This entire remark is also interesting because Robert mentions a strange plague and his work on Micrographia. The wiki states “Micrographia: or Some Physiological Descriptions of Minute Bodies Made by Magnifying Glasses. With Observations and Inquiries Thereupon is a historically significant book by Robert Hooke about his observations through various lenses. It was the first book to include illustrations of insects and plants as seen through microscopes. Published in January 1665, the first major publication of the Royal Society, it became the first scientific best-seller, inspiring a wide public interest in the new science of microscopy. The book originated the biological term cell.” Robert also mentions a plague which could have been the influence of something like The Corruption but it could have also just been a normal plague. If this is just a normal plague then it’s probably the Bubonic Plague as Wikipedia states “like many who could afford to, Robert Hooke left London for six months during the worst of the bubonic plague.” In TMA the Entities had strong ties to books and something like Micrographia would make a pretty perfect leitner but I don’t think Microphagia is a leitner or cause of the disease here..

Robert also says “It was I who warned that to enact a Protocol against the great city of London itself was a step beyond the rights of our position, but you were, as is so oft the case, correct in your steadfastness and I confess purgation of all that most dangerous and unfit knowledge was both necessary and good.” This tells us that the Protocol can be enacted on specific areas / targets since it is specifically being used against London in this example. We know the Institute within TMA was located in London so it’s possible the corresponding location has some significance but it could just be that London is an important and big city generally. Robert talks of purging “that most dangerous and unfit knowledge” but what does that mean exactly? I could see it as some sort of book burning or confiscation but we still don’t know if leitners are really a major thing like they were in the TMA universe. It’s possible that what Hooke is implying is the enactment of this Protocol was somehow related to the Great Fire of London in 1666 (shout out to bonzos-number-1-fan for pointing this out in their own (much shorter) analysis: https://www.tumblr.com/bonzos-number-1-fan/752553210414235648/tmagp-19-thoughts-witty-subtitle?source=share). www.historic-uk.com (https://www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK/HistoryofEngland/The-Great-Plague/#:~:text=In%201666%20the%20Great%20Fire,It%20was%20a%20ghastly%20disease.) says “In 1666 the Great Fire of London destroyed much of the centre of London, but also helped to kill off some of the black rats and fleas that carried the plague bacillus..” We know that in the Protocol universe the Institute was burned down at some point so this could mean that the Protocol in question has some sort of connection to fire. There’s this Great Fire of London, the Institute, and stories of Newton losing 20 years worth of research due to some kind of fire in one of his labs (although a lot of those stories seem dubious in real life). This could also mean that the strange fire seen in Episode 7’s (Give and Take) case could be an example of this Protocol being enacted.

Robert also mentions “It was only through the Protocol that we were spared from that Dread emission and I fear that such an act is once again required.” The transcripts actually have “Dread” capitalized which could just be another error or typo but if you want to take it seriously it could be interpreted as some kind of proper noun or something specific. The Entities themselves went by many names, both individually and collectively, and one such name was the “Dread Powers” which sounds vaguely similar. So, it’s entirely possible that the “Dread emission” is being used to refer to one or more entities or some specific manifestations. Emissions itself isn’t capitalized so perhaps Dread is what they are being referred to as and the emissions refers to some type of manifestation. It’s also possible that in TMAGP some sort of alchemy led to the plague spiraling out of control.

Usually I save talking about potential Entities a case shares similarities with till the end of the case. But there’s kind of a lot to talk about here so I’m going to start now. Hopefully you read my bit on The Eye because I noticed something Robert says: “I confess purgation of all that most dangerous and unfit knowledge was both necessary and good”. As I went over, The Eye is the Entity connected to the fear of knowledge in general. So if someone was afraid of some sort of dangerous knowledge / secret getting out or others learning about it then The Eye would usually be all over that shit. So from the get go we already have some themes that could potentially relate to The Eye here. This isn’t much right now but it becomes increasingly clear as the case goes on.

Robert talks about how “despite Isaac’s standing as a Fellow within the estimable Society, his experiments persist in prying into such knowledge as we both know to be anathema to Good Science. His work on the vegetative propagation of metals has proceeded unabated these recent years and I am now most certain that the fruits of his labor will lead to tragedy, death and damnation if they are left to mature unchecked.” Once again there’s an emphasis on Robert’s fear of knowledge and information. The transcripts have “Fellow” and “Society” capitalized in reference to Isaac which could imply that he is also a part of the “Fellow of the Royal Society” mentioned earlier.

Robert explains that lately they have been visiting Isaac more often. Even more than the person they are writing the letter to may have suspected “and I fear that of the many sins I have committed in my time upon this earth, this may be one of those I come most to regret. I had, of course, no knowledge of the perilous extent of his experiments and had I known such I would never have deigned to further associate myself with him, but his most recent letters promised work of a quite astonishing nature and, may god forgive me, my curiosity could not be assuaged without witness.” If you’ve read even a handful of my articles you’ll know that curiosity is a major theme with The Eye, especially in regards to how curiosity can lead to you or others getting hurt physically or mentally. We also know that The Eye and some of its followers love taking advantage of the curiosity of others or dangling the promise of answers in front of them. Here Robert admits that his curiosity might have gone too far and gotten him in trouble as it led him into sin. At some point Isaac asks Robert to visit “his laboratory in Trinity in a sanguine mood, though this was immediately disturbed by the damnable presence of that stunted dog he keeps, worrying my coat tails as I approached the threshold.” Sanguine can mean blood red or relating to blood but in relation to mood it can mean “marked by eager hopefulness : confidently optimistic” So Isaac is excitedly asking Robert to come over to his lab. I wonder if the lab being in Trinity is some sort of foreshadowing since alchemy draws a connection between salt, mercury, and sulfur with the body, mind, and soul respectively. Note how this symbolism comes in a set of three and is thus a trinity. Isaac fails to notice Robert approaching due to how focused he was on his work “and it was only by declaring myself most forcefully that he could be sufficiently distracted to acknowledge my presence.” This is another episode where I'm going to need to do a lot of copy and pasting because of how many important details there are. Isaac’s intense focus could just be from normal causes but The Eye often has effects that can make it harder for someone to stop looking at or listening something. This is most obvious with the statements in TMA as Jon had a hard time stopping once he started a statement and sometimes he would go into a trance like state (making it harder to get his attention).

Robert sees Isaac carrying a flask and describes it “Forgoing the customary pleasantries, he instead proceeded straight to his laboratory wherein I saw he had a glass flask of great proportions, at least thirty gallons or thereabouts, within which there was an element of such overwhelming radiance that to look upon it directly was to dazzle the eyes and throw the mind into confusion. Composing myself, I queried Isaac on the nature of this creation, whereupon he explained with customary disinterest that he had finally perfected the work of Wilhelm Homberg to produce what he termed the Arbor Philosophorum Perfecta. I was naturally most intrigued but despite my questioning he refused to elaborate, instead passing me a smoked glass that I might gaze upon his creation with greater clarity and when I did so I came to understand that what I was looking at was a small tree ensconced in a clear solution. At first I presumed it to be merely another work of dendritic silver as we have seen before, albeit one of surpassing quality and finesse. However, I soon came to realize this was something altogether grander and profoundly abhorrent.” I’ve never heard the term “Arbor Philosophorum Perfecta” but I recognize some of the root words and by plugging the phrase into google translate we can get “The Complete Tree of Philosophers”. 

Wilhelm Homberg is another famous figure who also happened to have an interest in alchemy. His wikipedia page states “Homberg practiced natural philosophy at a time of transition between alchemy and chemistry. Before 1700, most of his work focused on pneumatics and the vacuum, using an improved air pump of his own design. He did attempt chrysopoeia but also he made what are still regarded as solid contributions to chemical and physical knowledge, recording observations on the preparation of Kunkel's phosphorus, on the green colour produced in flames by copper, on the crystallization of common salt, on the salts of plants, on the saturation of bases by acids, on the freezing of water and its evaporation in vacuo, etc. Much of his work was published in the Recueil de l'Académie des Sciences from 1692 to 1714. He is also supposed to be the first one who proposed distillation at reduced pressure to prevent thermal decomposition. The "Sal Sedativum Hombergi" is boracic acid, which he discovered in 1702, and "Homberg's phosphorus" is prepared by fusing sal-ammoniac with quick lime.”

Upon seeing the strange tree Isaac had made Robert first assumes that it’s “another work of dendritic silver as we have seen before, albeit one of surpassing quality and finesse.” but “I soon came to realize this was something altogether grander and profoundly abhorrent. It's branches were exquisite and delicate, swaying slightly from small eddies in the liquid and they shone with every spectra. I must confess that to look upon it, one was filled with profound wonder at its exquisite elegance. I professed as much to Isaac and he replied quite solemnly “as are all of the Lord’s living works.”” The response Isaac just gave gives Robert pause as he believed “though impressive, the tree was quite clearly mineral in nature and as such must be lacking in that essential vitality that only the Lord God can bestow.”

Robert assumes Isaac’s words to be a joke. This would mean Robert is afraid that Isaac is calling himself a god or is comparing the creations of a mere mortal human to that of the perfect God himself, and such comparisons would be very blasphemous. Robert also doesn’t think the tree is on the level of God’s creations even if it’s impressive and the tree doesn’t seem to be alive anyway. However, Robert’s assumption about the supposed “jest” is thrown into question when Isaac asks “...if I would taste of its fruit. I refused, of course, assuming the offer another of his odd japes but his face was grave. He then opened the flask and reached inside muttering as he did so: “de ligno autem scientiae boni et mali ne comedas in quocumque enim die comederis ex eo morte morieris”. Even I, steeped in worldly matters as I am, recognized The Lord’s words to Adam and was much dismayed at the implication. Isaac then plucked the delicate fruit with ungloved hands and held it before me. I began to not only doubt Isaac in that moment but even fear him, for I knew he had finally transgressed the limits of anything within the bounds of mortal philosophy.” According to Google Translate, the words Isaac speaks could mean “But you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for on whatever day you eat from it you will die” if translated from Latin. So Robert Hooke fears that Isaac is playing God by quoting him in such a manner.

Okay, elephant in the room, I think this is yet another possible reference to the influence of an Entity such as The Eye. As I have said, The Eye feeds upon fear associated with knowledge. Based on Robert’s belief system and the phrase Isaac says, we can find some parallels between the tree Isaac has and the forbidden fruit Adam and Eve ate in the Bible. For those who don’t know how the story goes, God makes the first humans Adam and Eve before basically telling them they can do whatever except eat of the forbidden fruit of a special tree. At some point a serpent walks up to Eve and is like “if you eat of the fruit you’ll gain incredible knowledge and be more like god or something” and Eve is duped into eating the fruit before sharing it with Adam despite God’s rule. The snake is technically right in the sense that Adam and Eve gain more knowledge as upon eating the fruit they gain the knowledge of both good and evil. However, this causes original sin to come into being because they are now capable of evil acts and know how to perform them. Additionally, they realize that they are naked and try to cover themselves up and hide from God. God eventually finds them, knows what they did, and punishes them by making humans mortal (hence God’s quote about how eating of the fruit causes death) and making women give birth (among other things). God also punishes the serpent by forcing it to slither upon its stomach.

So here we have a potential thematic overlap between this Biblical story and The Eye. Adam and Eve’s lives become much worse upon coming across forbidden knowledge and they even become more scared since they start fearing things like being perceived naked (which would relate to The Eye). Adam and Eve gain the ability to perceive how they can hurt others and how others might hurt them and this is all because they weren’t content with what they had and the serpent managed to convince them to succumb to their curiosity in an attempt to know more. So we can see an overlap relating to the fear knowledge can bring between TMA and the Bible. This is all a fancy way of saying that it looks like Isaac is recreating the forbidden fruit that Adam and Eve consumed within the Garden of Eden. The one that granted them knowledge of both good and evil, and the one that led to god punishing them. This point is reinforced when we get “Mayhap Isaac had made a legitimate discovery and was merely indulging in some grand performance before providing some less grotesque explanation. But such was not to be, for no sooner had I seen the fruit upon his palm before he tipped it into the waiting mouth of that cursed dog I had failed to see skulking at my feet.” 

The case continues- “Isaac’s eyes never left mine but I could not help but watch as the wretched canine swallowed it. There was a moment’s stillness within which Isaac watched me closely, for my reaction was seemingly of more interest to him at that moment than the fate of the animal. And my reaction was terror. The dog remained motionless, at first seemingly unaffected by its unnatural feast but as the moments passed I espied a growing torpor in its manner, with slowed breathing, sagging posture and drooping jowls. It lay down as if to sleep whereupon it grew ever more peaceful and still. I almost believed it dead, poisoned by my companion, but then I saw something far more distressing. The creature was taking root. Strands of its mottled brown hair were extruding downwards between the floor, seeking the dark earth below. Then, too, its back began to sprout, radiant branches unfurling and thickening before me, reaching upwards towards the sunlight with a seemingly insatiable desire. The dog then opened one eye and stared at me and this was the most disturbing thing of all, for that orb was also shimmering with that unnatural light, but more than that, it looked upon me and it knew me not as a beast knows its master but as one man knows another and though such a creature must by all natural law lack that essential and ephemeral anima that is required for such awful knowledge I tell you here Robert, it saw me and it knew me. I felt myself grow insensible at that violation and before I could restrain myself I had grasped a heavy instrument with which I might dash its skull upon the floor! Isaac however, intervened and for the first time since feeding the animal that accursed fruit he spoke and bade me to remain calm. He then reached back to the flask with a smaller cup and decanted a portion of the solution into it. Then, seemingly without concern, he poured it upon the rapidly growing monstrosity. There was a brief hiss and a release of steam which occluded my vision entirely, quickly followed by a slight tugging at my trouser legs from which I recoiled in horror, fearing the creature had reached out to claim me in its insidious grip, but when the vapor cleared I found myself cowering from nothing more than that mange-ridden dog, no longer sprouting and burdened with knowledge, it was reduced to a mere beast once again. Isaac laughed at this ignominious display and suggested I step away to recover so that I might “better appreciate that which had been revealed to me” I instead took my leave and hurried out of not just his chambers but the entire college as fast as I was able.”

While some may struggle to attribute what we are seeing to an Entity I would argue that thematically this has an extremely strong connection to The Eye. It’s clear that the narrator’s fear is in relation to the dog being granted knowledge or human level intellect of some sort. They also state “The dog then opened one eye and stared at me and this was the most disturbing thing of all, for that orb was also shimmering with that unnatural light, but more than that, it looked upon me and it knew me not as a beast knows its master but as one man knows another and though such a creature must by all natural law lack that essential and ephemeral anima that is required for such awful knowledge I tell you here Robert, it saw me and it knew me.” This comment matches plenty of encounters with The Eye and one of The Beholding’s names is in fact “It Knows You.” Not to mention that The Eye is connected to the fear of being judged, known, and / or perceived. So the dog being able to actually judge what it’s seeing on the level of a human could relate to The Eye. Not to mention that if this fruit is indeed analogous to the forbidden fruit from the Bible it would mean that Isaac might have just granted the dog knowledge of both good and evil before taking it away. Also there’s the obvious eyeball imagery in relation to being watched with the dog’s strange glowing eye.

Additionally there’s emphasis placed on Isaac watching Hooke’s reactions as we are told “Isaac’s eyes never left mine but I could not help but watch as the wretched canine swallowed it. There was a moment’s stillness within which Isaac watched me closely, for my reaction was seemingly of more interest to him at that moment than the fate of the animal. And my reaction was terror.” Which matches up in what Gerry has said about The Eye with- “The feeling that something, somewhere, is letting you suffer, just so it can watch.” Hooke does also mention the burden of knowledge when he says “I found myself cowering from nothing more than that mange-ridden dog, no longer sprouting and burdened with knowledge, it was reduced to a mere beast once again.”

After escaping Ronertbegins writing the letter and says “No doubt you agree with me that I have witnessed something which is far outside that which we could, in good conscience and understanding, describe as Good Science, for if such a transmutation can be elicited from a lower creature devoid of soul or reason I tremble to consider how it might affect the children of Adam, blessed as we are with greater faculty and insight for both good and evil.” For the sake of clarity, what Hooke is saying is that if such a transmutation can bring a lowly beast like a dog to have a mind like that of a man then he fears what would happen if someone who is already human ate Isaac's fruit. The case finishes with:

Though it pains me to speak so poorly of one so well regarded as Isaac I fear this latest excess is beyond what can be called conscionable. His work must be curtailed for the safety of all. I remain opposed however, to any notion of violence against his person. He is a prominent figure and his work, though misguided, is not wantonly evil.

I propose that we enact the Protocol but limit it only to his laboratory, destroying his research and correspondence for, if we can end this digression from Good Science and divert him with more virtuous work, we might yet take possession of a newly ardent ally in our vigils. This is of course on condition that he never discovers our intervention nor is left to work in such solitude again.

Robert, my dear compatriot, I implore you to consider my plea despite our recent disagreements, for if you fail to act I will instead be forced to intervene alone and by god’s grace I know not if I hold the fortitude to do what would need to be done.

Pray reply with all celerity for I fear that time is short in this matter. Yours with the utmost respect and gratitude, for the sake of London, England, and for all of Christendom,

Robert

There’s another reference to the Protocol and like I previously touched on it looks like the Protocol can be used to target very specific things. The writer asks for the Protocol to specifically be used on Isaac’s laboratory. The writer also talks of making Isaac an ally which makes me wonder what that entails or if anyone else will try making use of Isaac’s research for this Protocol.

As far as Entities this case parallels The Eye is the most obvious to me. There is also some overlap with The Extinction here. A lot of fans seem to be under the impression that The Extinction is only the fear of things going extinct but that’s about as accurate as saying The Beholding only relates to the fear of eyeballs. There’s a correlation but that’s an overly simplistic way of looking at it. In MAG 134, (Time of Revelation) Adelard Dekker says this in regards to his theory about the power “But now the fear is not of a rapture or a revelation. It is of catastrophic change. Mankind will warp the world so much it kills us all, and leaves only a thousand years of plastic behind. Technology will strip us of what it means to be human, and leave us something alien and cold. We will press a button that in a moment will destroy everything we have ever been. Animals are witnessing the end of their entire species within a single generation.” So The Extinction is more broadly the fear of catastrophic change. Whether that change comes from a species wiped off the face of the planet, evolving technology, new mutations, or apocalyptic events. Hooke states “No doubt you agree with me that I have witnessed something which is far outside that which we could, in good conscience and understanding, describe as Good Science, for if such a transmutation can be elicited from a lower creature devoid of soul or reason I tremble to consider how it might affect the children of Adam, blessed as we are with greater faculty and insight for both good and evil.” which could very easily connect to an Entity like The Extinction with the fear of animals and humans being changed.

Some other possible Entities include ones like The Flesh, and The Corruption. The Flesh simply loves body horror, which applies pretty easily to the dog’s transformation, and you could maybe argue that the writer finds Isaac’s research and experiments disgusting but that’s more of a stretch.

CHESTER

This case doesn’t give us anything that could recontextualize when CHESTER (Jonathon’s voice) shows up. Considering Sam’s comment about the Institute’s connection to alchemy you could use this as evidence for CHESTER covering cases that somehow involve the Institute. If you want to go with the angle that CHESTER covers cases having to do with extreme curiosity or looking for something the writer of the case does admit that his curiosity got the better of him and he went to see what Isaac was working on.

Rest of the Episode

Sam seems to have started noticing a correlation between whatever he talks about or is looking for and the cases the computers decide to play. I've said in previous articles, the computers are extremely suspicious with their timings. They seem to conveniently feed Sam cases relating to the Institute a lot and in a previous episode Celia thanked one of the computers for giving her a case that might have been related to something she was wondering about. Sam asks Alice “Are the computers listening to us?” and “As in, are they monitoring our conversations or something? ” This is actually a bit of a complex question because without a doubt something / someone is listening to Sam and company through various electronic devices. We the audience are hearing whatever said force is hearing as it spies on people (like how both us and The Web listened through the tapes in TMA). However, right now it’s unclear if whatever is listening through all the electronics also has any bearing on what cases the computers are picking. It’s possible that the computers are their own thing that is at least somewhat distinct from whatever is listening through the electronics but they also might all be coming from the same source trying to pull some strings or feed information.

ALICE

“Freddie can barely boot up without throwing an error, so I seriously doubt it’s monitoring your loo breaks. Typical Colin to have a complete breakdown just to get out of fixing the damn thing.”

SAM

“Alice.”

ALICE

“I know, I’m just frustrated. Look, what’s brought this on all of a sudden Sam?”

SAM

“I- I know it sounds crazy but well, it’s starting to feel like I’m deliberately being given cases that point to The Magnus Institute.”

ALICE

“You’re right.”

SAM

“I am?”

ALICE

“Yeah, that does sound crazy.”

SAM

“I’m not making this up! These days it’s like every other case links back to it in some way.”

ALICE

“Sam enough! Can you even hear yourself? Look… This place can really get to you if you’re not careful. And I really don’t want you to go the same way as Colin.” 

SAM

“Have you heard anything from him?”

ALICE

“No.”

ALICE (cont.) 

“Was that all? Because like I said, I’m up to my eyes over here.”

SAM

“Yeah. Forget I said anything.”

ALICE

“Great.” 

Once again, Alice tries to ignore the problem, which is even shown in the fact that she hasn’t checked on Colin until Sam brings it up in this episode. Alice is clearly worried about Sam going down the same path as Colin. It’s interesting that Alice’s approach to Sam’s questions almost completely opposes Celia. Celia tells Sam that he seems like he’s handling it well and encourages him to keep looking for info while Alice says he sounds crazy and tries to get him to drop it. I wonder if Alice saying “I’m up to my eyes over here” is some cheeky reference or foreshadowing.

Of course, Sam’s point about the computers giving him Institute related cases could tie into what I’ve said about Entities like The Eye in relation to curiosity.

The next scene takes place in the manager's office and the transcripts say “GWEN is in the middle of a heated argument with Lena. Or she would be, if Lena wasn’t so ice cold.” Never change Lena. Gwen is angry that she is being sent out to deal with dangerous Externals without any security but Lena explains that extra security personnel is not an option right now. Gwen responds “This is ridiculous! You’re the one who was laying into me for bringing Lady Mowbray here! What happened to “unacceptable risks to personnel”!?” before Lena (very correctly) points out that the only reason Gwen is in this dangerous situation right now is because she blackmailed her way into it. In fact, Lena didn’t even think Gwen was ready for the position if I recall correctly.

“I have completed such assignments myself on many occasions, and this is an essential part of the role. If, however, on reflection, you have come to realize you are unfit for the job, you are, as always, welcome to resign. I’m sure your family will be able to find you an easier position elsewhere.” Lena’s comment about the assignments is interesting. I can’t 100% tell if she means she performed them in place of an Externals Liaison before Gwen’s promotion or if it's something people need to do in order to get to her position. Lena’s comment about Gwen’s family is another one that implies the Bouchard family is rich in the Protocol universe, or at least Gwen’s side of the family.

Gwen says that she knows the OIAR has used Starkwall to provide security in the past and tries to use that as evidence to show that she deserves some basic support. But Lena explains “Starkwall, as with any security force, have an unfortunate habit of escalating situations they become involved in. It’s my professional opinion that you will be safer without their presence.” It’s hard to tell if Lena is a good guy or bad guy but she does seem to care about the OIAR and its employees on a business level. It seems she does what she can to keep them safe since Lena warns Gwen that she is not ready to be a Liaison and only puts her in the position when her hand is forced. Lena is also very upset when Gwen brings Mowbray to the OIAR since it could endanger other employees. So I have no reason to assume Lena is completely lying here and I think she’s probably right even if we don’t have a lot of information on Starkwall yet. The only concrete thing we know about it is that they were somehow related to the “The San Pedro Square Massacre” brought up in Episode 4 and Alice mentioned “The private military contractors yeah.” So they don’t sound like a peaceful bunch who talks things down. I wouldn’t be surprised if their appearance threw certain Externals into a frenzy or made them lash out at a perceived attack. I also have to wonder if Starkwall is somehow connected to their own Entity(s) like something akin to The Hunt or Slaughter.

Gwen does not get the back up she wanted and we see Alice going to check up on Colin. It’s clear that his mental state hasn’t exactly improved. Colin probably isn’t in the best shape right now since the transcripts say- 

COLIN opens the door. ALICE reacts to his appearance. 

ALICE (cont.) 

“Hey mate. You’re looking… here.”

Much to Alice’s confusion, Colin demands that if Alice wants to come inside she needs to give him her phone. Alice correctly deduces “You’re going to throw it in the fishtank aren’t you?” and Colin responds “I have to. It’s the only way to be sure. We can’t let him know how much we know.” Did Alice assume that because it’s a trope or because Colin’s fish tank has a bunch of phones thrown into it or something. I also don’t know why Colin would need to destroy the phone and couldn’t just tell Alice to leave it somewhere far away. It could be that Colin is just paranoid (even if he is right that something is listening through electronic devices) or it could be that Colin knows something about the observer that we don’t yet.

Alice says that everyone is worried about Colin and Colin says “You should be worried for yourselves.” This matches up with the warning Colin gave Sam in Episode 7 (Give and Take): “Listen mate. If you’re going to get this worked up over a weird email you’re going to freak when you see the real stuff.” Sam questions this and Colin only says “Oh you’ll see” and Sam asks Colin if that’s why he taped over his webcam. Alice asks Colin if he’s been seeing professional help and Colin responds “No, what I need is to not be seen. He sees too much already. Doing mummy and daddy Stasi proud, I’m sure. Not that anyone cares as long as it all balances, right? Not too much mercury or the world ends, not too much sulfur or we all go mad… ”

Okay, there’s some obvious similarities to The Eye here with the fear of being perceived or seen and I have pointed out that the OIAR could be connected to an Entity like The Eye. Colin’s comment of “Doing mummy and daddy Stasi proud, I’m sure. Not that anyone cares as long as it all balances, right? Not too much mercury or the world ends, not too much sulfur or we all go mad…” is extremely intriguing. When I searched up Stasi I got “The Ministry for State Security , commonly known as the Stasi (German: [ˈʃtaːziː] ⓘ), an abbreviation of Staatssicherheit, was the state security service of East Germany (the GDR) from 1950 to 1990. The Stasi's function in East Germany resembled that of the KGB in the Soviet Union⁠ —it served as a means of maintaining state authority, i.e., as the "Shield and Sword of the Party" (German: Schild und Schwert der Partei). This was accomplished primarily through the use of a network of civilian informants. This organization contributed to the arrest of approximately 250,000 people in East Germany.” Colin could be speaking metaphorically or saying that there is a literal connection there. 

I think it’s very interesting that Colin actually uses pronouns when referring to this mysterious observer. Colin specifically says “him.” This could be an assumption on Colin’s part but it could also be a clue. Considering this episode’s case I wonder if a human did end up drinking Isaac’s potion or there is some sort of “enlightened” person watching over the OIAR.

There’s also “Not that anyone cares as long as it all balances, right? Not too much mercury or the world ends, not too much sulfur or we all go mad…” Once again, is he speaking literally or metaphorically? It’s possible that what the OIAR does is literally trying to prevent some apocalypse or Change from occurring but it’s important to remember that this doesn’t mean the OIAR is right. Smirke learned he was wrong about how to balance out and harness the Powers and it's possible that while the OIAR thinks they are doing something similar or saving the world they are somehow mistaken. The mercury and sulfur Colin speaks of relates to alchemy. As mentioned earlier, in alchemy salt corresponds to the body, mercury the mind, and sulfur the soul. Maybe something to do with the corruption of mind and soul? The most direct interpretation here would be that too much sulfur messes with the soul and causes madness while mercury somehow leads to the world as we know it being destroyed. I wonder if this trinity also somehow relates to the way certain groups might categorize the Entities in this universe?

Alice leaves saying “Idiots. Idiots all the way down. ”

Conclusion

Very weird episode but also very intriguing. I hope we get to see more of Colin. If you want the case categories from the transcripts they are-

CAT13RBC1137-21031684-11042024

Transformation (canine) -/- growth (Crystalline)

Incident Elements:

- Animal Peril/Threat

- Metallophobia

- Body Horror

- Mentions of: Therapy, Implied Mental Breakdown

If you want to read my other Quick Thoughts you can do so here (TMAGP Quick Thoughts Archive).

[the-pale-goddess]

Hi hildee!! Missing you here. I was feeling angsty and thought, What would be the reason for Ethan and Tiffany to divorce (cheating can't be the answer). I know it is not possible, but let's imagine a parallel universe where they did. What is the plausible reason behind it? And how will they navigate their lives since they work at the same place? Will they find someone else and move on, or at some point in the future, will they give their marriage a second chance?

Ahhh, loveliest Anon, I miss you too—horribly so! Can’t thank you enough for still thinking of me and E&T ❤️❤️❤️ 

It’s common knowledge that I live for angsty AUs, but I must admit that your ask inspired a disgustingly fluffy fic idea first ksdjksjdksj Your power, hello?! I couldn’t be more grateful because you helped me settle on a quite important canon HC I couldn’t figure out for the longest time! I wish I had more space to pursue this tooth-rotting fluff…Sadly, with my poor health and everything going on in my life, it seems impossible at the moment. 

Still, you’re waiting for angst galore, and I’m here to deliver…

I received a similar ask in the past, and I still stand by my answer—I can’t think of any circumstance that would break them up. Canonverse E&T go through a pretty solid character development; both of them worked on their personal issues and unresolved past traumas, finding inner wisdom and integrity so crucial in overcoming any obstacles that could endanger their relationship. 

However…You made me ruminate on the topic again. What if...They would somehow...Skip this long and difficult process? I can picture (1) particularly heart-wrenching scenario in which divorce would certainly happen 👀 As you can imagine, anything that had the power to dissolve their bond and force them to separate must be huge and tragic. 

I feel terrible even thinking about this entire AU…So buckle up! I’ll try to paint the scene and address your questions. Please, don’t hate me ksdjfkdsjfksj

TW: neonatal death

Tiffany was 38 when she got pregnant for the third time. Though it was a dangerous gamble, E&T put their trust into medicine and hoped for some luck. Unfortunately, the nightmare possibility became a horrifying reality: she developed preeclampsia. At first, the danger seemed contained; both the mom and the baby were closely monitored and taken care of. But her condition suddenly worsened, the severity of disease calling for a premature delivery.

While Tiffany was fighting for her life, Ethan had no choice but to make an impossible decision—a decision he reached with zero hesitation. He wouldn’t risk losing the love of his life for a 60% survival rate a baby born at 24 weeks would have. Despite receiving the best possible treatment in the NICU, the little one didn’t survive the night.  

While canonverse E&T would certainly navigate through such a traumatic event with unwavering mutual support and dedication to recovery, AU E&T would spiral into the darkness. Instead of making an effort to communicate properly and listen to each other, trying to understand those conflicting emotions raging inside them, they would focus on the misery, fuelled by those underlying personal issues they failed to address back when it was expected.

Gravely depressed, Tiffany was furious with Ethan’s decision. She thought he should have tried to save the baby no matter the cost. It was obvious that the loss she suffered clouded her judgment. If given the choice, she would have to agree with Ethan. She studied the case obsessively every day, went through all the possible outcomes, and the baby truly stood no chance. But she could be saved; she had to fight for her two other children—the ones that already had a life, the ones counting on her, trying to grasp what happened. That was perhaps the essence of her anguish: she had no choice, no say in this, no chance to meet her tiny daughter, to say goodbye. She couldn't fix it. Grief poisoned her mind in ways she could never predict.

Ethan was too fixated on his own sorrow and the absurdity of his wife’s resentment to actually see past her pain and empathize with her extremely fragile state. The fact that she was so willing to leave him and orphan their children for a slim chance of saving a fetus? He couldn’t understand her reasoning. He wouldn’t understand her reasoning. Yes, the loss affected him too, it affected all of them. But there was no other choice. She had to see that, right? 

The tragedy struck them in separate bolts, and they landed on different paths, too consumed by their own agony to meet half-way and reconcile. Inevitably, the connection between them began to dim and they grew apart. With no emotional support from Ethan, Tiffany became distant as she struggled to get better. Ethan fell back into the old patterns and put his emotional defense back up high. He started spending the majority of days at work, neglecting not only Tiffany, but also NJ and Letty.

Every attempt to patch things up led to cruel arguments and blame-shifting. Eventually, Tiffany recognized it all went too far and saw only one solution to their problems: she filed for divorce and full child custody. After a short yet intense custody battle, they reached an agreement that allowed Ethan to have the kids for the weekend. 

As soon as the divorce became final, Tiffany and the children moved to NYC (no surprise here, I guess kdjfksfjksfj). Ethan would visit them most of the times, but on occasion Tiffany would fly the kids to Boston and spend the weekend there, strolling through the city with old friends. 

NJ was 9, and Letty was 6 when the divorce happened, so I imagine it was unbearably tough for them to process, especially with all the mess happening prior. But they’re the kind of troublemakers that would 100% come up with a genius plan to Parent Trap E&T and bring them back together lol Would they be successful? Well…Only if both Tiffany and Ethan went to therapy and dealt with their inner problems first. Then, I presume, they would be able to have a heart-to-heart with each other and see if there are still some remnants of trust and compassion left in the ashes of their relationship. Despite all the bitterness and trauma, the love between E&T remains intact, so it all boils down to whether they would allow themselves to open up to the frightening idea of reconnection and the risk the second chance carries. 

Ooof…That was extremely painful to conjure up and felt even worse as I was writing it down ksdfjksjgksj Nevertheless! Thank you for the ask, dear, I'm sending you lots of love ❤️

[alovelyburn]

I already asked someone similar question but you are awesome too and I love all of the best berserk blogs equally. Which of your theories turned up to be true? Was it many? How did it felt? What did you didn’t predict? Would you change those? Anything made you almost quit? Favourite moment?

Baww, all the blogs love you back.

LETS SEE.

Which of your theories turned up to be true? Was it many? How did it felt? Well... I try to avoid predicting things for the most part, for various sundry reasons. So I guess my most well-confirmed theories are mostly related to my particular interpretations, which were then confirmed through interviews and etc.

ALL THAT SAID. I can think of two offhand.

-The Moonlight Kid being the baby and also sharing Griffith's body. This one was really popular though so its not like I'm alone here.

I think my less common prediction to come true was: -that Casca wouldn't end up joining the party and would instead end up sidelined again. It seems like most people (at least that I've seen) thought she'd wake up and become part of the team and go after Griffith with them, but that never felt right to me for reasons I have previously discussed (basically just that it would make the story about Casca to a larger degree than it was seemingly intended to be).

Now, I had two main theories on what might happen to take her joining them off the table, and one of them was...

That Casca would end up with Griffith somehow. Now, this one always kind of bothered me because I don't necessarily enjoy the idea of Casca going back to him willingly after the SA (although in fairness I guess going with Guts wouldn't be that much better). But nonetheless it did sort of "seem" like something that would happen when I thought with my writerly/plot analysis brain instead of just kind of wincing at the idea on a personal level.

Now, let's be clear rofl, I did not expect him to abduct her lmfao like that was surprising. Still, I did think there was a good chance she'd end up with him SOMEHOW, it was just a bit of a mind bender because I was hoping she wouldn't like, go join him but I wasn't sure how else she'd get there.

So yeah, that ended up being right although the specific mechanism was more mysterious to me.

As for how many things I was right about, well, so far I haven't been explicitly wrong about anything in terms of the interpretation theories. But that's just reading comprehension. Having that stuff validated felt pretty damn good, not gonna lie.

What did you didn’t predict? Would you change those?

Going back to the other possibility on why Casca would end up not traveling with them, I thought she might decide to retire and live in peace instead of going after Griffith with Guts. This was a thought I had because she is repeatedly shown telling Guts that it's okay to give up and run away and stop fighting, and because the conflict between them during the escape section of the story revolved around his refusal to back down even when it was extremely dangerous whereas she preferred to run or withdraw. That was the case with Wyald for example, and then also with the very concept of dissolving the Hawks. Given Skull Knight's comment about what he wants not being what she wants necessarily this was a pretty good bet. ...obviously it was wrong, though. I think I preferred this idea over the Griffith thing, but I couldn't say whether I'd change it because it's too early to judge the plot turn since I haven't seen its outcome yet.

THE OTHER BIG THING WAS

I did think Puck had a good chance of being gone after Elfhelm collapsed. I also wondered at the time whether Elfhelm disappearing had a wider effect on the world, mostly because I couldn't (and still can't) figure out why the hell Isma disappeared if it was just the Elfhelm residents that went. As it turns out it does seem to have just been Elfhelm (plus, uh Isma for some reason), though, which is fine.

Anything made you almost quit? Well, the very first time I tried to read it I dropped it sometime during Black Swordsman so maybe that counts. But after that? Nah. Not for a single second. I'm ride or die for Berserk to the end.

Favourite moment?

Didn't even have to think about it.

[obsessivevoidkitten]

Attracting a Mate

Female Yandere Scorpion Hybrid x Gender Neutral Reader (CW: Kidnapping, venom, no smut, mentions of oviposition, general yandere behavior) Word Count: 1.2k (I hope everyone likes this, this was done because someone requested a female Talin, so they act very similar. I am attracted to all genders so I do not mind making yanderes that are not male, I just don’t do female readers.)

 Ever since Tahlia saw her brother Talin’s tiny human mate she simply had to have one for herself. So feisty, energetic, cute, and the perfect size to pick up and move easily. You could even stuff em’ full of eggs apparently so one would definitely make a good incubator.  Tahlia did not want another scorpion-person as a mate, going into one’s territory could be dangerous if they were not seeking a mate or already had one, and if one entered her territory it could be dangerous if they did not have the best of intentions.  But these cute humans were no threat, and besides she wanted to be the strong provider in a relationship and mating with another of her species there was always a chance there would be a contest for dominance. And of course they might not even stick around after mating and she did not see any possibility that a human mate would ever want to leave.  Why would a human leave her? She was so much bigger and stronger than any other human, so surely to any human she would be the most fit mate, able to provide security, land, and food far more easily than one human could provide for another.  But how could she even find a human that was in need of a mate? She decided that she would have to travel if she was serious about having what her brother had stumbled onto.  You were part of an expedition team set out to explore the now open Treragar borderlands, near the edge of the desert. There were botanists, zoologists, geologists, a cartographer, a couple artists to draw specimens and landscapes, and you, a research assistant helping the botanists and zoologists.  The people native to this country would not even come within miles of the borderlands, telling strange tells of large skittering beasts and deadly serpents, the expedition members did not believe such superstitious nonsense, though there was a supposed disappearance of one of the first field scientists willing to come here, but it was far more likely that they just got lost and succumbed to the heat rather than any impossible fantasy beast nabbing them.  The expedition was slowly making its way to the predicted location of an oasis, and studying and documenting anything interesting along the way. The border land deserts may look barren and dead at first glance, but there was life to be found even in this harsh habitat.  The scene was almost fantastical, with sandy hills that were as white and smooth as milk. Were it not for the harsh heat of the midday sun and the sparse scrubland, anyone could be convinced they were gazing upon an endless scene of snow.    Your first days of the expedition were spent trudging through the sand and brush, collecting samples as directed. Seeds, leaves, flowers, shed scales from a creature yet unseen.  At night you would go to the far side of camp, you were not very friendly with the others and preferred to remain alone. You would start a small fire, heat up your rations, and then put out the small blaze before going to sleep in your sleeping bag.  One night you were so exhausted that your eyelids felt like they were made of lead, and you drifted off to sleep while waiting for your food to heat up. The scent of food cooking and the light of the fire caught Tahlia’s attention, who had traveled far from her land in search of a rare human mate.  She observed you silently, getting as near to the camp as she dared, she looked upon all the humans, most of them huddled on one side of the camp, but you left all alone.  Poor thing, must be the only one left mateless, so desperate for a mate to come and take care of you that you passed out while tending to your beacon that had so effectively attracted her. Well, no need to worry anymore, Tahlia was going to take good care of you.  The large scorpion woman approached carefully to the edge of the campsite where you were sleeping peacefully.  She did not want you waking up when you were sleeping so cutely, and she wanted to bring you home as fast as possible so she stung you quickly with her harmless paralytic venom that would make sure you would stay peacefully dreaming. She was anxious to communicate with you, but Talin had told her how his human had been so excitable and determined to play when he first found them.  Better not to cause any noise that may alert the other humans to her presence, she was in their territory and did not know how they would react.  When you woke up from the best sleep you had ever had your cheek was resting against a soft warm pillow… wait… that wasn’t right… and you were now leaning against something not laying down flat on your back as you normally slept…  That’s when you realized you were snuggled up close into the bizarrely warm bare chest of a woman. You blushed deeply as you inhaled her strong but not unpleasant scent. Had one of the other expedition members gotten drunk and wandered over to you? Had they gotten you drunk too? Your mind was a bit hazy.  You looked up and realized you had no idea who this woman was, her long red hair, pale skin, and surprisingly muscular physique were entirely foreign to you.  And where the hell were you? This was not camp, this was some kind of cave or burrow.  And then you looked down and shrieked. Dear gods, the stories were true, from the waist down she was a huge white and black chitinous arachnid, some type of scorpion beast.  You flailed wildly, falling back and landing on your butt. You scrambled to get up and ran in terror for the early morning light trickling through the entrance of Tahlia’s den. But your scream had woken the scorpion lady.  “Oh, you want to race little mate? So early? I think we should eat before we play!” You could not understand her and even if you could you were more focused on fleeing. She rushed after you and caught you right after you had taken your first step out of your new home.  She held you tight to her chest and nuzzled affectionately before making noises you could not interpret. “Oh, wow, Talin was right. Human mates are so eager and playful. I am just so so lucky I found you! Running off like that could have been dangerous before you had me to protect you~”  “Don’t worry my precious gem, we can play as much as you want later, but for now let me get you some food.” Tahlia picked you up easily in her muscular arms, her large biceps not even straining as she placed you back in her nest. She stroked your hair gently before going to prepare you a meal. You were too terrified to move… at the very least it did not seem like your life was in danger yet…  Maybe after you ate you two could play a while before she filled you full of nice eggs, she was sure you would love that. Keeping her new mate all cute and needy and full of eggs would certainly make sure you would never ever want to leave your new den right?  

[winter-soldier-vibes]

hi! request for one where reader struggles w depression a lot but hides it, tho it’s been getting worse recently and only bucky has noticed the small signs. then one night after no one seeing her the whole day or maybe something happened he went to check on her but she wasn’t in her room and he panics only to find her on the roof and just talks her down <3 all the love

Of course! I hope you're okay love❤❤❤. I saw another anon request something a lil similar in my ask box but I can't find it, maybe it got eaten, but I hope you like this!

Word count: 3,400 (ish)

Warnings: suicidal thoughts, depression, close to an attempt, Bucky talks about HYDRA, feelings of worthlessness.

A/N: This deals with very heavy subject matter, please do not read if you are in a dark place. I am here to talk if you want but I encourage you that if you feel this way in ANY way, no matter how severe, to reach out to someone. I also just wanted to say that the way someone talks someone down is never the same, some people may find a different approach more helpful or realistic. I wrote it this way because this is what I feel in my experience would have been helpful to hear. So please, if you don’t think it’s the way someone should talk someone down - please don’t come at me for it.

Overnight

People often don’t notice the small signs. The smiles that don’t reach the eyes, the dark circles from lack of sleep, the laughs that slowly become more forced. People don’t often pick up on those things right away. They happen slowly, as depression will often manifest. It’s rarely ever a flip of a switch shut down, happy one day and sad the net. Anxiety was like that, small things can trigger panic attacks. But with depression, it was this slow ache that grew in your chest, this dull cloud that made everything darker day by day.

These things rarely happen overnight.

You don’t know what caused this episode. You had struggled with depression and would go through some really low episodes before returning to baseline. It was never great, but it was...manageable. Most of the time. Some things could help you predict when you would go into another episode but you felt yourself slipping and you weren’t quite sure why.

You started withdrawing from the team. Subtly, not all at once. That would cause too much concern and the last thing you wanted was to be a burden. Especially with something like this, you didn’t even have an explanation.

It started slow, training on your own, missing team dinners, that sort of thing. If they were going out to celebrate or staying in for a movie you would slip away to your room where you didn’t have to worry about hiding it.

You didn’t want to be alone, you already felt so goddamn lonely. But somehow being lonely and surrounded by people who loved you hurt more.

The team chalked it up to you wanting to be alone, a bad day, being tired, etc. Whatever recycled excuse you gave them didn’t phase them. At least, not at first.

See, people who have experienced similar things will pick up in the small signs that others show. Someone who knows what anxiety is like will often be the first to pick up on nervous habits and tics. Often people notice when someone’s energy is coming from adrenaline and caffeine rather than sleep when they’ve done the same thing. Someone who knows what it’s like to feel hopeless and not want to reach out - they notice the small signs of withdrawing.

He noticed pretty early on the change in your demeanor. You had always been one to keep to yourself but this was different. You always seemed exhausted in a way that sleep couldn’t ever fix. Your laugh wasn’t quite the way it used to be, now forced and short, not the usual bubbly laugh it was.

Most people are able to just live and go about daily functions - eating, sleeping - it just came naturally to them. Surviving was natural to them. But it seemed like you had to put thought and effort into surviving.

Which, you were.

Slowly it became hard to motivate yourself to do the basic things to take care of yourself. You would do the bare minimum because you had to, but even that was starting to take more effort than it should. You were eating less because you just weren’t that hungry, but you still did because you knew if you didn’t you’d get sick eventually. You spent as much time in your bed as possible, but not much of it was sleeping.

Bucky picked up on these things and came up to talk to you about them, but you’d smile and shake your head.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a little tired I guess.”

You weren’t lying, you were tired - emotionally more than physically.

Tired of more than what the day brought - tired of yourself, of your emotions. Tired of the way you felt so out of touch with yourself, out of control. Tired of how you wanted to get better but no matter what you did, it still came back. You were so tired of being exhausted all the time and there was nothing you could do about it.

You were tired of living this way.

You weren’t necessarily suicidal, it wasn’t that you didn’t want to live. You just didn’t want to live this life, not like this. You were so utterly exhausted day in and day out, every day was about getting to the end of it. Everything seemed pointless and you felt like you were watching life go by but you weren’t living it.

You were surviving. And you didn’t see much of a point to it anymore.

Your mask was cracking. And people were noticing.

Maybe it was when you were falling asleep during mission briefings, or nearly passing out in training because you had forgotten to eat. Maybe it was how no one saw you anywhere that wasn’t necessary. The team passed it off as a bad day or week, something you would get over because you were strong.

But apparently not the strong that you needed to be. You could fight off agents, assassins, you could run for miles. But you couldn’t stop your mind from telling you that life was pointless and you were a waste of space. But the team wrote it off as a bad week. But Bucky knew that this had been going on for much longer than a week.

These things rarely happen overnight.

Too many people were asking you if you were okay, and you weren’t, but you didn’t know how to say it. But you thought that if you had to choke out one more “I’m fine,” you would shatter. And you weren’t ready for everyone to see that.

You stopped coming out of your room unless it was for the bare necessities. You would come out at night for water and food, picking at it in your room so that no one would see you.

But that only made Bucky worry more.

The team, again, wrote it off as you needing some “Alone time” because maybe you just had a “bad day”. Of course they worried about you but they thought that if things were bad, or if there was something you needed help with, you would speak up. Because that’s what you did.

But Bucky was worried. He knew that when someone pushes people away, they may think being alone will help, but it only makes it worse. You may not want to talk to anyone, you may think being alone is what’s best. But it rarely is.

Being alone makes it harder to fight your demons. They can run rampant when given the chance. Being alone is the darkest and loneliest hell, and he knew that all too well.

He wasn’t going to leave you alone in that.

He came up to your room one night, wanting to check on you. He knocked on your door, being met with silence. He knocked again, calling your name, but was again met with silence. He tried the doorknob and found it unlocked, opening the door to an empty room.

Where the hell were you?

You weren’t anywhere else in the tower, so where were you?

Bucky stood there for a moment, confused before he remembered the AI system. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.Where's y/n?”

“I believe that they were heading up to the rooftop about a half-hour ago.”

Bucky’s eyes widened as he sprinted out the hallway and towards the stairs.

---

You looked out over the street, arms crossed over your shivering body. For now, you just looked down at the city below. You chuckled bitterly to yourself. There must have been thousands of people down there, thousands of lives, and you wondered how many people felt the way you did right now. So much hustle and bustle, things to do and places to be. You didn’t know a single person down there, it was just a blur of movement. Yet they all had their own personal stories and hells and blessings and shit that made them who they were.

You wondered how many of them pretended like they were fine.

You were standing closer to the edge than you should’ve been. You weren’t doing yourself any favors. You really shouldn’t be up here, but you didn’t know what else to do. Everything hurt all the time and it was just getting worse. You didn’t know whether or not you were gonna jump but here you were, teetering on the edge. Because no matter how much this hurt you still couldn’t bring yourself to fall forward.

You were scared.

You felt tears sting your eyes, angry, exhausted, everything - you couldn’t do anything right anymore, you felt no purpose, you were tired and scared all of the time. You felt so utterly done with everything, yet here you were with a way out and you were too scared of that too.

You were trapped in your body, trapped in your life, and while you didn’t want to die, you didn’t want it to hurt anymore. It wasn’t that you had nothing to live for. It wasn’t that you had nothing left. You knew you did, you knew the team was there for you. You had more support than you could ever need. But you didn’t know how to use them.

You didn’t even know how this happened. How did things get this bad? You remembered when you were happy, the person you used to be. The person everyone still seemed to think you were. Where did they go? What happened to them? And would you ever be able to be that person again?

Did it even matter? Would anyone even care or notice? They did a great job at ignoring what had been happening. Not that you wanted them to find out in the first place. It was so confusing, you wanted to scream for help, you wanted someone to just fucking notice or something. But didn’t you also answer every single “Are you okay?” with "Oh yeah I’m fine, just a little tired.”

So did you truly want them to know? Did you actually want them to notice or help?

You closed your eyes tightly, shaking your head a little to yourself. It was all so confusing, so frustrating. You didn’t know what to do. You felt completely trapped within yourself.

These things rarely happen overnight. And they never get better overnight either.

You took a breath as you looked down, toes slightly off of the ledge. One step or losing your balance would be all it would take. And then it would be over. Forever. It wouldn’t hurt anymore.

“Y/n?” you heard a calm, albeit nervous voice speak from behind you.

You felt your breath catch in your throat. As you squeezed your eyes shut. “No,” you whispered to yourself.

“Y/n, can you come down from there?”

“Why are you here?” you asked, voice strained with pain.

“Because I’m worried about you,” he said, voice sounding closer.

“I don’t want you to be worried about me! I never wanted anyone to worry about me!” you exclaimed.

“And where did not talking about what was bothering you get you?”

“No one would ever have to worry about me again. Not anymore.”

“No one on the team would ever be able to stop thinking about you,” Bucky started, walking closer to you. He spoke gently, worried he would scare you or you would suddenly jump off. “About how we should’ve worried about you. Everyone would blame themselves and ask themselves if they could’ve helped you if they had seen you were hurting.”

You heard his footsteps stop.

“This isn’t going to solve anything.”

You took a shaky breath. “What else am I supposed to do, huh?” you turned around, back facing the streets below as Bucky stood a few feet in front of you. “Pretend like this is gonna get better? Because it isn’t. I’m so sick and tired of pretending like one day everything’s gonna be okay again. It never stops hurting, it never turns off, and I can’t do it anymore!” you yelled, tears streaming down your face. You shook your head. “I know this won’t solve jack shit and it probably makes me weak, but I’m okay with that. Because I’m past the point of wanting to solve anything. I just want it to stop! Is that too much to ask?!”

“It is if your life is the price!” Bucky exclaimed. “We can’t lose you. You’re a part of this team - this family,” he said a little more calmly, trying to keep his own tears at bay. No one should go through feeling so hopeless, and you were one of the kindest people he knew.

But some of the most kind-hearted people are the meanest people to themselves.

“I’m not here to judge you or try to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I’m not gonna tell you life is all beauty and grace because it isn’t. It’s okay to be in pain but this is not the way to fix it. I just wanna help you.”

You shook your head. “No one can help me.”

“At least let me try,” he said gently.

“You don’t understand okay? It never stops hurting,” you said, voice cracking slightly. “It always hurts and it's this ache in my chest and I feel like I’m suffocating. No one told me that life was going to hurt, no one fucking told me! They say life isn’t fair, or that life may sometimes bring you down, but they never said that existing would be torture. And I don’t want to keep living if it’s going to hurt this much.”

You saw Bucky’s face fall and you shook your head. “Please just go - You weren’t supposed to see this.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’d rather see you at your worst than not see you at all,” he said. “You don’t have to do this yourself. I know it may seem like you do but you don’t. You never had to, and you never will have to. You have me, us, the team - we’re all here for you but we can’t if you don’t let us. But I’m not leaving you. You’ve been alone for too long already.”

You felt a new lump in your throat, feeling overwhelmed. Trapped between death and your worst nightmare. You never wanted to be vulnerable, you never wanted to hurt anyone with your own pain. But hearing Bucky’s words, seeing the panic in his eyes -

You had already hurt him. And he was right - killing yourself was only going to hurt the team more.

But it just hurt so much.

You had heard it so many times - “think about the impact you’ll have on those you love”, or how “suicide is selfish” and shit - made you feel like a horrible person. Because you did care about everyone, you cared too much. And it wasn’t that you didn’t care about hurting them with your decision - it was just that the pain of staying alive began outweighing the fear of hurting those you loved.

And it was torture.

You wanted to say everything that was on your mind - scream and cry and curse the universe, you wanted to break something, you wanted to be hugged, held, and told it would be okay - you wanted to get everything out.

You didn’t want to be alone anymore.

You’ve been alone for too long already.

You let out a broken sob, knees going weak as Bucky caught you and pulled you into his chest, away from the edge.

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” you said between sobs.

“I know you don’t, I know,” Bucky said, holding you tightly as if he feared you would disappear if he let you go.

Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt me was utter bullshit. Because the next words that came out of your mouth hurt Bucky more than anything HYDRA had done to him.

“Please just let me die. Why won’t you let me die? I just wanna die, please just let this be over.”

People didn’t realize what depression could do to a person. Someone who was full of life could end up like this. You don’t know what went wrong or when it happened, but you just felt absolutely broken inside. The kind of broken that can’t be fixed.

Bucky felt his heart shatter, tears falling down his own cheeks at how hopeless you had sounded. He had never been overly close with you, but you were always kind to everyone on the team. And the team had failed you by not noticing sooner.

“I’m gonna bring you inside okay?” Bucky said. You didn’t hear him, crying so hard that you couldn’t focus on anything else. He picked you up, carrying you back into the tower. Bucky brought you back to your room, sitting down on your bed with you. He rubbed a hand up and down your back, holding you tightly as he tried to help you calm down.

Exhaustion overtook you, your body becoming worn out from all of the crying and emotions. You never let your guard down like that in front of anyone, and shame began to overtake you.

“I - I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have seen that I’m so so sorry -”

“Don’t,” he started. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“No one was supposed to know,” you whispered.

“Why not? What’s so bad about asking for help?”

You paused for a moment, unsure exactly why. “I don’t know - I just feel really weak sometimes?” you said, more of a question to yourself. “Like I know everyone needs help and shit but I didn’t have a reason to need it. It hurts but I don’t know why, I cry when I’m not sad, I just - I’m not in control of myself and I don’t know why and if I can’t explain it to myself then how am I supposed to talk to anyone about it?”

“That makes more sense than you think. All of us on the team, we all go through shit. We see so many horrible things, we’ve been through so many things. We all have something. You have this. It’s okay if you don’t know why you feel the way you do but hurting yourself isn’t going to help anything.”

“I know what it’s like, wanting a way out,” Bucky said and you immediately knew what he was talking about. “Days that I wished Pierce or Rumlolw or whoever would just finish me rather than punish me over and over. It wasn’t that I wanted to die, I just wanted it to stop.”

You looked at him. “I know. But what I didn’t know then was that it would end. I never thought it could ever end or that it would ever end, but it did. And if I had died back then I would’ve died only knowing that pain. I wouldn’t have known that it could get better or that it would. And I’m not saying everything is perfect now because it’s not. But it’s better than it was. Okay?”

You nodded, fresh tears spilling out of your eyes. You knew the torture that Bucky went through, everyone on the team did. It had taken him a long time to speak about it on his own and move through it. But he did.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” you said.

“Talking about it, getting it out is a great start. Talking about it never hurt anyone.” When you seemed a little apprehensive, Bucky added, “I felt alone for so long. Battling these thoughts and memories in my head. They never stopped. But when I started talking about it with someone, and they helped me work through it - I don’t know. It helped me a lot. It wasn’t just me and my thoughts anymore. I wasn’t alone.”

I wasn’t alone

“You don’t have to be alone anymore. I’m not going anywhere. Whether you like it or not I’m gonna be right here with you

These things rarely get better overnight. But maybe with someone else, they could get better a little bit quicker.

You gave a small nod. “Okay.”

---

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @thatfangirl42 @im-sick-of-failing @sup--ernova @peggycarter-steverogers @bucks-bunny @barnesplums @mardema @abitgryffindorky @freigeistundanderes @strawberrimae @broadwaybabe18 @sokovianheadtilt @daydreaming-lightly @onyourgoddamnleft @arkhamasylumresident

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[multiplefandomsblog]

request(s); IZURU SMUT WITH AFAB READER - IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT THE CONTENT INCLUDED IN IT IS,I JUST, NO ONE REALLY WRITES FOR THE SCARY M A N 😢😢😢

paring(s); Izuru x AFAB!reader

warning(s); cussing, woAHH reader is a prostitute hired by enoshima, reader is AFAB, oral sex (m receiving), humiliation kink whoop, degradation kink double whoop, ah yes dirty talk, degrading names, spit-play,  prositution, multiple orgasms, wall sex, slow and steady wins the race, dumbification, begging, dacryphillia, sadism, kind of like fuck or die???? but not really??????? AND DEAR LORD I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING WITH THIS GOD oii

note; i actually had a dream similar to this— also i lowkey got attached to these characters and now im seriously considering making a series of this???? DHSBJDDBF IDK IT REMINDS ME OF, LIKE AAAA IDK

wc; 4.1k+

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Everything was terribly boring. 

It was funny; that had been the only thought Izuru seemed to have in his brain, even as you were on your knees sucking him off like he was your last meal. Glaring down at you, he stifled a disappointed sigh. In all honesty, you weren’t bad; but he knows he could do much better, perhaps even find much better. It was almost a guarantee that he’d get someone else to do the job for him much better. 

Sitting on the throne of a comfortable chair, he had barely broken a sweat, nor had he even moaned a single time. Of course, that would frustrate you; you were squeezing whatever couldn’t fit in your mouth, ‘faking’ moans—or at least that’s what you told yourself you were doing—to send vibrations down his spine, and swallowing all the filthy pre-cum of his cock had released. And the man didn’t even have the gall to at least pretend to like it. 

It irritated you.

Why had he even accepted Enoshima’s offer for you if he hadn’t even been enjoying it? You hadn’t even touched yourself yet, and you were the one completely soaking in your panties—whilst you swore you heard him sigh, and not one of pleasure. Every part of it was humiliating for you.

“This is boring, get off.” You perked your head up, popping your lips off the unsatisfied pink tip, and to your humiliation, you looked up at him with sad, puppy dog eyes; ones that you hadn’t even purposely put on. You felt your heart drop all the way down to your stomach, “Boring…?” Well, that did it. 

Desperation turned into anger, and before you knew it, you had been crawling on this man’s lap, thighs straddling him, and hands digging into his shoulder as you looked down at him with feigned dominance. You gritted your teeth, he hadn’t a single reaction, just a look of genuine curiosity, and the same look of bored annoyance. He didn’t seem to like being suddenly touched, not like you even cared. Boring, huh? You’d prove to this self-entitled fuck, you weren’t as boring as he thought you to be. 

“... What do you think you’re doing?” With his question of genuine intent to know, his dull tone of voice seemed to have affected your interpretation of what he truly meant to say. Despite the condescending and almost offended tone, he truly wanted to know. Someone like you, crawling into his lap as if you hadn’t been face-to-face with possibly the world’s most dangerous human being; brought a small spark of interest in his chest.

Maybe you had some potential, he would think. “Are you trying to prove yourself to me?” With his eyes gleaming with curiosity and anticipation, you leaned back as you felt him lean in. With his nose inches away from yours, you shrunk just a slight but kept your act as strong as you could hold it for.

You gulped, gaze and grip faltering underneath his piercing gaze. Suddenly you felt small again. Your previous surge of dominance seemed to crumble and collapse as he brought his hands up to grope at your hips, reminding you who was really in charge here. He narrowed his eyes as he felt your hesitance and yielding, his large hands that had cupped your ass had practically been supporting all your weight as you backed down in the body and in mind. Damn it. He wondered where your confidence went, it was only just getting fun— but perhaps, all good things come to an end.

Well. He wasn’t going to let you give up that easily.

Suddenly, he let go, causing your ass that had once been held up by his hands, to fall back and knock onto his knees harshly; and you swore you could see a ghost of an expectant smirk on his face. Surprising you further, Izuru uttered 4 words that only seemed to confuse you, yet excite you all the same.

“Go on then. Try.” Your breath hitched, averted eyes now confused and focused them back onto the long-haired male. “W- what?” Izuru’s eyes narrowed at you, and the impatient look he had sent to you almost felt like a reward as you felt yourself growing more sodden. “Try and prove that you aren’t just another hole. That’s why you’re still here, no?” He spoke, and you swore you could hear his voice lower in tone.

He rested his hands on the armrests of his chair, leaning back ever so slightly as he got comfortable; as if he was about to watch a performance made just for him—which hadn’t been far from the truth.

But to your surprise and not his, you obeyed. 

If this was your chance to prove yourself to him— the ultimate hope that everyone seemed to be intimidated by—you’d take it. Of course, you would. 

Despite the growing anxiety in your heart that you’d mess up, you pushed it down and put one brave façade; he would sense your fear if you displayed it too much. 

Your efforts turned futile anyway; you should’ve known he’d sense your hesitance. 

Acknowledging your hesitance you thought hadn’t been too obvious about, Izuru brought it up. “What’s stopping you? Your fear?” Izuru hummed, leaning down to peck at your chest, “Well, that’s understandable; you should be scared.” Followed by the light sound of his lips against your heated shoulder. 

“... Though I assume that’s not what you’re afraid of at this moment.” Assume? More like knew. You were so predictable to him, a flick of your finger could tell him exactly what you’re thinking. With a tender gaze you were surely seeing wrong, he stared up at you expectantly as he waited for your answer. 

“Well?” You gritted your teeth at his sudden gentleness, taking more offence to it than you should have. You didn’t like being treated with kid gloves, not by him at least; for all you know, he kills children. “I’m not scared of anything—” He was huge, of course, you were terrified. ”How do you know I’m not just trying to slow it down, so you’re ready for it?” You challenged, shifting yourself above his tip that still glistened with your saliva from the earlier blow. Izuru looked at you, nearly taken aback. 

It made you feel incompetent. As if he thought you couldn’t do it, as if he thought you couldn’t give him the best night of your life. Of course, you’d be offended. No one likes being underestimated, especially not by him. It just brings you a whole new different feeling of humiliation. 

And he knew that. He just wanted you to hurry up, you know, provoke you a little. Foreplay was… Boring; he’d think with a small smile.

“Surely, you’re not that idio—” He cut himself off with a sharp inhale, lips parting and eyebrow twitching from the way your slick cunt slid over the tip of his dick, sinking in with ease. “I- I’m not what?” You breathed out, a shaky, smug grin contorting on your face as you tried your best to conceal the fact his dick had felt like it had literally been splitting you in two. “Hnnahh— Jesus-” You dropped your head for a second, nails digging deeper into the material of his suit; surprisingly, he didn’t care all that much about the material damage—at the moment, he cared more about the fact you hadn’t even sunk half his dick in yet, and you already looked like you were near-tears.

Maybe care would be an overstatement. 

You bit down on your once-smug smile, jaw going slack as you felt the pleasant curve of his dick, rub against your vaginal walls ever so slightly—following the movements of your own heavy panting. “You shouldn’t be so cocky, S/o.” He didn’t seem to hear the irony hiding in between his almost-mocking words.

You scoffed at his taunting statement, staring him straight in the eye as you walked further into his trap, and sunk down lower—stifling a wince as you felt him sink in you alarmingly deep. How big was he!? Well, you already knew the answer to that question. Your jaw still hurt from earlier. But that stretch had been positively incomparable to the stretch your pussy had currently been experiencing. 

Izuru pursed his lips, silently groaning at the way your walls clamped onto him as if you were already trying to milk him of his cum. You were so tight, he noted in his mind; well he wasn’t going to complain. As a sex worker, he would’ve expected you to be looser, easier to slip in; it seemed one of his predictions had been incorrect. 

In a dry, uncaring tone, he addressed the bead of sweat forming on your forehead from the stretch. “Can you really take it? You look like you’re in pain.” the part that irked you the most had been the small undertone of genuine concern for your being. Yeah, Izuru; the ultimate I-don’t-care-if-you’re-dead, cared if you could take his dick. 

Maybe your heart would’ve been swelling with joy, had it not taken a large hit on your pride. You were a sex worker, not the protagonist of a fucking romance comedy. 

You could feel yourself growing angrier and angrier by the second; a large part of you just wanted to get him off and leave—but there was a larger part of you that… strangely wanted to please this man, prove him wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, the urge was purely sexual. 

Rolling your eyes at his ‘concern’, “Can you just- Nh!” you held your breath before clutching onto his suit a little more desperately than you wanted to as you sunk the rest of him inside you. Embarrassment made its debut in your reddening cheeks as you unwillingly let a few whimpers slip out. “—B- be fucking quiet? For on- Mn! O- once?” He paused before retorting back in that same blunt tone, seemingly unamused by your curses as he had been busy watching your bodily reactions closely, as well as feeling them first hand. “... You’re shivering.” He addressed the tremor of your shoulders, as well as the contractions of your walls against his cock. 

“It- It’s cold.” You lied through your teeth, to which he found annoying; surely, you knew that he would read through that lie, so what was the point of even trying? 

Sighing in annoyance, he bucked his hips, exhaling sharply through his nose as you yelped and collapsed onto him, body going limp as you felt him hit your sweet spot. With a slightly panicked moan, you dug your shined face deeper into the crook of his shoulder, causing him to shiver as he felt the breath of your moan hit his neck. “Hnn-! A- a- already?” Izuru scoffed quietly, “I thought you wanted me to be quiet. Which one is it?” Izuru’s condescending voice kissed your ear, and you felt your own shivers being sent down your spine from his voice alone. 

Putting on an annoyed façade that would soon shatter, you rolled your eyes—something you would probably be doing often tonight. “You’re really annoying, you know th-? Oh-! Oh fuck-!” You moaned, eyes shooting open, revealing your dilated pupils to the wall behind him. With your hands fanned out on his suited back, you arched your back against him, grinding slowly as you hugged him off the back of his chair. 

Mewling quietly, you found yourself trying to stifle your own moans, so you could hear better his own; only to pout as you heard nothing. Your sole purpose and presence with him at this moment had been to please him. You… needed to please him.

And only Atua knows what Junko’ll do to you if she finds out you didn’t satisfy him. 

Sighing in slight frustration, you felt him tense underneath your touch as you locked your lips onto his neck, lips searching and exploring every inch of the sensitive skin of his neck. Izuru’s eyes widened a fraction, only to lid as he felt himself growing bored again. “What are you doing?” You muffled against his neck, “I’m trying to find your erogenous zone—“ a large grin grew on your face as you felt him go rigid and stiff against you—as if he wasn’t already rigid and stiff—as you grazed your teeth on a certain spot on his Adams’s apple, a sign that you hit the jackpot.

“There, huh? I never would’ve guessed…” You spoke through gentle moans caused by Izuru’s natural reaction to fuck up into you harder. He shivered, sure, he was good at everything; but even he didn’t know he had an erogenous zone—or rather, where it was.

And now you had this information. 

You felt your confidence sprout back up again as you felt him melt, slowly but surely into your embrace, and slowly but surely, you tried gaining back control of what had been happening. 

That had been your plan; but as soon as your hands reached up to tangle your fingers in his hair, he flinched, nails digging into your hips harshly. “Hands off.” He growled, crimson gaze darkening in irritation from your feather-like tugs. 

Yeah, your plan. 

His scalp was sensitive, and he had made the mistake of reacting so strongly to your touch to it, right in front of you no less. It was a weakness; one you’d surely take advantage of as you fucked this man. Or rather, as he fucked you. Izuru grimaced as he could practically hear the mischievous grin in your voice, “Yeah?” with a warning tone, Izuru tried stopping you, “S/o.” you probably shouldn’t have felt as excited as you did from his warning voice; especially from a guy like him, but there was a part of you that really wanted to know what would happen—what he was warning you about. 

So you made the best mistake of your life; and tugged the already impatient man’s hair. 

Izuru hadn’t given you the time to even inhale a single breath, as he had you pinned to the wall in half a second. Shit, he’s fast. Well, what did you expect? Izuru was definitely more than ordinary—and as you still felt the stretch burning between your legs, you knew that more than anyone. “I- Izuru?” Izuru sighed as you shrunk underneath his hold, forcing him to hold you up by his hips that had been pressed up against you. Your cattiness seemed to disappear the moment he manhandled you to the wall; it was predictable. All bark, no bite. He wondered why he wasted his time with you. 

With your eyes wide and helpless, Izuru remained unamused. “Let’s get this over with.”

Underneath the shell of your body, you could feel your blood boil as the man thrusting into you, had given you that familiar condescending stare of pity. He didn’t seem very pitiful as he watched you writhe and squirm underneath him from his unrelenting pace, though you could still read the emotion clear as day; your eyes glared right back at him—though you could barely see where you had been glaring, as your vision had been blurred from your own tears.

He was planning to push you to your limits, because, maybe when you’re sobbing and begging for him to stop; maybe then, you’d be less boring. 

‘He was the ultimate at everything; of course, he would be good at this too-’ “Fuhh...- fuck!” Your first orgasm of the night washed over your body, shaking uncontrollably as you had been less than prepared for it. You’d often have to fake your orgasms or get yourself off once the person using you was done. So you, whether it was fortunately or unfortunately, weren’t used to cumming so quickly. Previous thoughts of distaste had been long forgotten, as you had now been completely weak; moments away from breaking down and throwing away your dignity to prolong sex with Izuru. 

Sobs spilled out of your mouth as Izuru helped you ride out your high. The man watched you from above, hands hooking underneath your thighs and slamming you against the wall harder than your body had gone slack in your arms. For him, it felt more like he was pleasuring you—but for some reason, he didn’t mind all too much. 

Through tear-stained eyelids, you glared at him, your warm body still trembling from the near-mind-blowing orgasm he granted you. “I- I can take it.” At least, you thought you could. In all honesty, you didn’t care. You wanted it, and furthermore, he hasn’t even cum yet. Your job wasn’t finished. If you had to be fucked until your mind broke for him to cum, you’d do it. You didn’t have a choice—but even if you did, you wouldn’t deny him; you’d have to be insane to. 

“How... persistent…” Izuru murmured quietly to himself, bringing a hand up to tap your chin, causing you to perk your head up and flush at the gentle touch; the way he looked at you made you feel as if you were a mere science project being examined. It may have not been ideal, but being gazed at like nothing but a lowly bug is better than being ignored.  

It was so easy to fuck you into submission, he thought. Grunting, he pulled all the way out, lip twitching at the lewd squelch of your pussy. He almost lost himself in the way your walls fluttered around the tip of his cock once again, before tightening as if you were trying to welcome him back in.

Izuru, with a sharp inhale, roughly slammed back in, hitting all the right places despite the thrust being as quick as a flash of a camera. You gasped for air, you felt as if you had just been punched with his hips—and before you could recover from it, you felt him pull out yet again, only to slam back in, a small exhale huffing out the man’s lips as he kept on doing that same repetition. 

“F- faster— Pl- please!” You choked out as tears welled up in your eyes, his thrusts had been so powerful and forceful, yet so calculated; as if he was aiming for your G-spot every time he thrust in—which he was. He growled under his breath, voice still monotone but more strained than before—it was almost impossible for him.  

“You’re too tight to go fast.” He deadpanned, “if I go any faster, I might break you.” He didn’t really care whether he broke you, but who in their right mind would want to be broken? 

It was almost comedic how quickly you perked up at the mention of being broken. “I- I wanna! Really bad, r- real bad! Please!” You blabbered and begged like an idiot, your dignity long gone. He hissed at the way your pussy gushed with your juices and excitement, struggling yet again to piston himself into you. “Do you only think with your cunt?” Izuru narrowed his eyes down at you, disbelief and disgust gleamed in his red eyes; and it only made you squeeze around him unwillingly.

You shrunk, shaking your head as a babyish pout contorted onto your lips. “N- no, I-” The slow slapping noises of his hips on yours grew in volume, and your eyes widened as you could feel and hear him getting more frantic, hitting you deeper—places you were sure weren’t even supposed to be touched were abused by the crown of his growing cock.

Through a tone that tried its best to be calm and composed, Izuru shakily breathed out. “Open your mouth.” 

“W- Huh?” With slurred speech and crossed eyes, you tried your best to find his red eyes through the tears that blurred your vision. You were so fucked out, you weren’t even sure if he had actually said anything or if it had been your imagination.

“You heard me, don’t play dumb.” You hadn’t been playing dumb; you were dumbed. But Izuru held no patience for your games, and you could definitely feel that in his increasingly painful grip on your ass—he was sure to leave a bruise on your skin. With a confused look in your eye, you hesitantly dropped your jaw for him, whimpering and jolting as you felt something wet spew into your mouth. Before you could whine or even get the chance to complain, Izuru had forcefully knocked you against the wall again, lightly hitting your head as he steadied you against the surface with one hand as he used the other to close your jaw.

You hadn’t even registered the fact you had spit into your mouth as your mind had been too foggy from the intense feeling building up in your stomach once again. “Swallow.” Without so much as a questioning noise as a reaction to what he had done, you obeyed. Swallowing thickly with bleary eyes, you tried your best to keep eye contact with the man who seemed way too calm for the aggressive pace he had been maintaining like a pro.

Not thinking much of it, you dropped your jaw and flattened your tongue down against your chin; it was almost instinctual as you obediently showed him you had swallowed all of it. It seemed to please him, as he traced his thumb absentmindedly over your jawline; it almost felt like a reward, to be touched like that. His gentle hands differed greatly from his pace that fastened within each second that passed the both of you by. 

Your moans grew in volume, and you could feel yourself getting overwhelmed by how fucking good it felt to be fucked by him; moans and groans turned into full-blown hysterical sobbing as you felt your second climax approach. He grunted in frustration as he felt your walls clamp around him once again, convulsing as you gasped for air, his breaths huffing out in small intervals as he tried to get himself to his own high. 

Nothing was said as you threw yourself into him, hugging himself close to you as if he was your lifeline despite your twitching body—you weren’t sure how long you could hold on before you passed out, but you tried your best to stay conscious. He hadn’t cum yet.

It may have frustrated him, but it also frustrated you. Running your hands down his neck to his well-defined jaw, you cradled his skull before attaching your lips onto his neck desperately, practically slobbering over him like a dog as you kissed and sucked at his neck—to which he groaned quietly at. It was a terrible job, you were necking him so sloppily, and he hated himself for grading your performance when really, he should’ve been indulging in it.

The sounds of his hips slapping against yours, combined with your small moans that you tried to muffle against his neck, had overwhelmed his senses and he found himself going blank in the mind for less than half a second. 

It was dangerous, to leave yourself vulnerable like that. 

So without another word, sound, or thrust, he hoisted you up and dropped you against the chair; in which you unravelled like a velvet carpet over the soft, plush furniture. Your legs wrapped around his waist as you didn’t want to part from him, you didn’t want it to stop. There, he continued his assault to your already battered cunt, grunts and sharp sighs spilling out his mouth as he concentrated on getting himself to climax. 

“F- fuck, Izuru— Izuru, you’re splitting me- in t- two!” You sobbed out, arms flying up to wipe your tears away that prevented you from seeing the esthetical man above you. With his hair looking like it was flowing behind him, and the thin layer of sweat shining on his skin, you felt your heart beat a little faster— what?

You hadn’t even been able to register the dread of the realization of your feelings, as, without warning, Izuru creamed inside you. His hips stuttered to a stop, and he leaned himself completely over your body that had folded over the back rest of the chair, nose meeting the crook of your mid-chest. “Hhah...” He panted, clammy hands that had been gripping onto your skin tightly, loosened as he took a second before getting up and off you. 

You scrambled up from your position on the chair, legs and pussy numb as you struggled sitting up.“Wait Izuru—!” You called out for him, catching his attention as he cleaned himself up with a convenient towel Junko had left on the table. 

Zipping up the fly of his pants, he stared at you, waiting for you to continue what you had been planning to say as he flattened the creases of his suit. 

“W- were you...” You gulped, flushing as you recalled what you had done earlier. “Were you satisfied?” Your voice had been meek, afraid of his answer for more than one reason. Junko really would show you despair if she found out you didn’t satisfy him. “... I’ll let her know I was.” You sighed in relief, shoulders going slack as you fell back on the chair. You’d live another day.

[illusionsofdreaming]

How about a Cale proposing/asking out Reader for marriage/date?? I love your fics and this is just a thought that I often imagine (It's usually people asking him out but this might be a nice change!? I think...)

Ft: Cale

Tap tap tap tap tap-

It was the soothing rhythmic sound of not getting anything done. Concentration having long since fled the premises as he stared blankly at the notes on the table, watched as the blue nib danced up and down and up and down again.

The notes were important he supposed but his heart wasn’t into it, mind occupied and consistently distracted by a particular receipt on his table.

It’s been several days and he has yet to hear a reply.

He’s not quite sure what to make of it. Certain social rules of this world clashed with his modern-day knowledge of social cues. One would think he’d have an advantage as one who transmigrated into a novel he’d read, but The Birth of a Hero never properly introduced the social decorum of the world in detail. 

Perhaps the only reason he made it thus far with his half baked knowledge of etiquette was thanks to Cale’s trashy reputation which, ironically enough, made people more accepting of his faux pas. Alas, if it weren’t for Hans’ persistent nagging that he should handle this important matter ‘the proper way’, he really wouldn’t have bothered. Now he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. Would it mean anything if he were to send a follow up letter? Or perhaps he should go there himself-

A knock on his door distracted him from his thoughts and he glanced up to see the origin of his headaches, Hans, peek in. 

“Young master, you have guests from the _________ household and-“

Cale was out the doors before Hans finished.

⚛》》》》》◆《《《《《⚛

Despite having your back to him it was almost embarrassing how quickly he was able to pick you out amidst the crowd of people.

“__________.” He greeted, snow crunching beneath his boots as he neared your side, he hoped his breathing wasn’t too quick as he’d rushed over as soon as he’d learn of your visit. The burning question rested on the tip of his tongue, the cure-all to his worries as he reached for your hand. “I have been wait-“

“Cale! Just the person I wanted to see!” You turned, smile brightening your features as you pulled him closer, close enough that he could see how the cold had already kissed your cheeks pink. 

“Did you receive-“

“Yes, that’s why I’m here!” 

A flutter of nerves was set alight in his chest that made him weirdly jittery. How unusual. He’d always been so assured of the results of his plans (and he’s confident in his prediction of your response) yet he couldn’t help but feel flustered. He understood nothing of this world’s customs and Hans did mention a response would’ve usually been sent by letter. Does you coming here in person symbolise something he’s not getting again?

Something was pressed into his hand and his heartrate spiked uncomfortably as he glanced down to receive the scroll you passed to him.

He hesitated, frowning at the brown parchment. Noting the ugly frayed edges and wondering, why couldn’t you have just told him what’s written within since you’ve travelled all the way here anyways.

“Take a look.” you urged him and he sighed.

“Can’t you-“ his words faltered off abruptly as he unfurled the paper to reveal a mess of lines and sketches, his mind blanked as he stared uncomprehending at the contents. “W.. what is this..”

“Isn’t it exciting?” you glanced at the paper, delight and unadulterated joy shone through your eyes. “The designs for the waterways are finally complete! We can finally move onto the next phase, I’ve even gathered the others to discuss this! It shouldn’t take long, we just need to iron out the logistics and-“

He’d tuned out as he stared at prototype on the page, his mind struggled sluggishly to make sense of what’s happening. Cale’s expression remained carefully blank as he lifted his head up to look at you and finally noticed the circle of vassals awkwardly standing around them. 

Huh? 

⚛》》》》》◆《《《《《⚛

“..implementation of the new waterways will greatly improve the situation in the slums and if we...” 

If looks could set things on fire, the conference table would’ve long turned to ashes with how hard Cale’s been glaring. He had rested his two elbows on the oak table, fingers weaved together to create a net that supported his chin. To others, the firstborn son of the Henituse household may seemed to be in a contemplative mood, in truth, Cale had zoned out since the very beginning.

Perhaps there’s been a mistake. Maybe you did not receive it or perhaps he’d missed another social cue. Did he unknowingly commit another taboo?

“…Cale?”

He shouldn’t have listened to Hans’ ridiculous suggestions when he knew he had no patience for the roundabout and overly complex ways people liked to handle things here. He ran a tired hand past his face. Right, next thing he’s going to change in this world would be the removal of all redundant and confusing social constructs. First, he’ll start with the books on courtroom etiquette-

“Cale.”

A hand landing on his shoulder jolted him from his thoughts and he looked up to meet your frustrated gaze. He gaped, caught off guard by your ire.

Your long sigh pricked at his conscience but you interrupted him before he could explain himself. “I sent the others out for a break.” You sat on the edge of the table facing him, although clearly annoyed, there was concern in the slight dip of your brows.

“You’ve been distracted the entire meeting Cale.” 

He rubbed the back of his neck, pressing against the tension building there. “Sorry.” He admitted softly. 

“Is something on your mind?”

You. 

“It’s nothing.” To admit that his thoughts were in shambles all because of an unanswered letter would’ve been far too pathetic. Gods, when have he fallen so low. “I need a drink.” he decided abruptly and would’ve gotten up and escaped, but you knew him too well. With a subtle shift of your weight that looked all too natural, you leaned forward and your two hands rested against his armrests to support yourself in a comfortable lean, effortlessly and efficiently caging him in. 

“Cale.” Your tone broke no argument. It was clear he was not going anywhere until he cleared this matter up.

He sighed, slumping against the chair in defeat as he dragged his gaze slowly upwards with the reluctance of a child who’d just been caught with their hands in the cookie jar and was now forced to admit their wrongdoings. He hesitated when he caught a glimmer of something on your shirt. 

Somewhere along the meeting, as the room got warmer you must’ve taken off your thinner overcoat, it would’ve explained why he hadn’t noticed such an obvious accessory from the beginning. But now that he had laid eyes on it, Cale can’t seem to look away. His hand reached out cautiously, brushing over delicate work, the building tension within him eased away as he reminiscences at the nostalgic sight. 

It had only been several weeks ago when he’d went out to find the best jeweller in the Kingdom to have a specific brooch made. A bright golden shield with the Henituse’s family mascot emblazoned on, two magnificent rubies inlaid as eyes. 

With the solid feeling of the brooch under his fingers, his previous worries melted off like sleet to be replaced with an indescribable warmth in his chest.

“It suits you.” he finally says. It really does. 

Cale never liked things made in his honor, but something about you wearing his symbol made him feel a lot of things. 

Your rumble of laughter made him look up and you brushed a hand through his locks, amusement in your eyes. “Is that it? That’s what’s been bothering you all morning?” you mused.

He snorted and slumped forward, resting his face on your lap. “You wouldn’t reject it.”

“Confident, aren’t we?” you laughed and carded your fingers through his hair.

It was the truth which you both knew. He had never been a stickler for rules. The relationship between you happened as a gradual process, you two clicked and it just eased into your daily routine and became the norm. There was never any need or desire to announce it officially. But as someone who transmigrated into this world, who also decided to continue living in it, he wanted to do it your way. Because in the end, even if it was bothersome, annoying and baffled his 21st century mind, the gesture would mean something to you.

Now that he’s solved the mystery, satisfied he didn’t botch up some weird etiquette, he had time to analyse the day’s events and realised one thing. He lifted his head from your lap, “You orchestrated this. The waterways weren’t that urgent.” he deadpanned, stuck between feeling awe that you took all the effort to tease him and indignation that you’d dare.

“It’s not often one gets the chance to fluster you.” you admitted, not at all feeling guilty when you got the chance to witness his bewilderment first hand.

“Aigoo..” he clicked his tongue and in one swift movement, stood from his seat, forcing you to lean back as his arms landed by your sides, effectively reversing your positions. “You’d bother the vassals for this, how bold.”

You blinked innocently up at him. “I bothered no one actually, they all volunteered to help.”

He frowned. Traitors. The whole lot of them. He could actually hear them cheering outside the room. He’s going to have to tell Basen to talk to them about their loyalties soon. Well. Not that it would matter much. He glanced down at the gleaming brooch on your chest and his lips twitched into a satisfied smile despite himself. 

Perhaps there’s a reason behind such silly traditions after all.

Notes: So I combined these two asks because they’re pretty similar and to answer your questions: I believe Cale’s not one for grand gestures and formal things but he’ll occasionally abide by certain traditions if it has special meanings and especially if it’d mean something to you. 

[lemonhobgoblin]

A Casual Night

Mothman x human reader (gender-neutral)

Word Count: 7k

(I remember saying I would have a fic done the same week I posted my other fic. Well, that was a lie. After dealing with work, creating new wips, and editing what started as a 2k fic became this long-ass post. I tried to keep this gender-neutral, but if there are any parts thats not gender-neutral, or if something doesn't make sense give me a message and I'll fix it. Anyway hope you enjoy!)

The faint sound of your car running and the sound of the wind whipping against the surface was muddled out by old tunes playing from a random radio station filling the lonely ride home. Your eyes trained on the dark empty road ahead, your headlights on full beam, lighting your way. The subtle notes of a box of cooling pizza wafting in your direction every so often.

You were driving from a city over from where you lived, coming back from a friend’s home who was having a small get-together. It was a great time, unwinding from the stresses of work and life in general, with games, movies, playful banter, and sharing a couple of drinks. As the night progressed, things began to slow down, one of your friends passed out on the couch while everyone else turned to some lighthearted conversation. Leading the host to pipe up if they were willing to spend the night given how late it has gotten and mostly due to how much some people drank.

While everyone was willing to stay the night and continue their night of merriment. You on the other hand as well as one other person had to leave for the night due to work obligations you both had tomorrow morning.

Regretfully, you made your exit not without being offered leftovers for the ride back. But halfway home, you received an email detailing how you were not needed for work tomorrow as you were getting gas.

With this newfound information, you had the choice of making a U-turn back or continue straight home.

Rather than driving back to your friend's home, you were just going to continue your way home. You already said goodnight to them, and you were almost home even though it was still quite a ways to go. Nevertheless, they probably turned in for the night by now, and there was always next time to make it up to them.

So driving down an empty two-way road, with no lights fixture to light the road. With no other cars passing through, keeping you company. Only the trees crowding around the road giving you some sort of haunting looming audience. This was a normally busy road; however, by how late in the night it was, it was understandably dead.

Fortunately, enough, you saw your first signs of life up ahead. It seemed to be a herd of deer passing by. You honked your horn to scare them away from the oncoming danger that was your car.

Except instead of dispersing, they stayed in place, it didn’t seem out of the ordinary why else did they have the saying 'a deer in headlights.'

But what was odd, was the closer you approached the herd of deer they seemed to be floating off the pavement, apparently, they were one entity and not a group and had a pair of red glowing eyes. It stirred an unpleasant feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Promptly, an undiscernible screech erupted all around, jolting you in your seat, feeling a pang of sudden fear washing over you. Convincing yourself it was only the radio going off the fritz, peeling your eyes away from the road you scrambled to shut off the device. During your haste to bring an end to the blaring otherworldly sound, you didn’t realize how fast you were driving.

"What the fuck?!" Seeing a flash of a large dark mass smashing against your windshield - shards of glass flying around and onto you.

Swerving your car over to the side of the road, feeling the right side slope down, the bumps of the grass making you rattle and jostle in your seat. Putting your car to a complete stop.

Frantically, you scrambled to free yourself from your seatbelts, ripping yourself from your constraints, you busted out your car. Not giving a single care to the state of your car or your frazzled state. Only concerned about what or who you hit.

Jogging down, you saw a crumpled figure on the ground, he was a good distance away from where you parked. "Oh my god," You exclaimed.

“I didn’t see you coming, I’m so sorry," you yelled, hurrying to aid the individual. You didn’t get a response or see any movement - he did hit your car pretty hard.

Scared for their wellbeing you slowed down and fished for your phone in your back pocket to call for help. But before you could dial for help, you saw something that put halt to your actions. You starred in disbelief as your phone locked out.

From the figure, a wing stretched out toward the sky before folding back in itself.

What the hell did you hit?!

Cautiously, you crept forward to get a better look, you could see he was wearing a fur jacket. No. He was furry everywhere, dull in color but with an interesting print on what you believed was the wings, the pattern was similar to a moth's wing. A costume perhaps? His legs were a digitigrade structure and his feet are similar to a bird's foot arrangement. The talons of which were scraping against the road like an animal in pain.

"A moth?" Perplexed at what exactly you were looking at, it still seemed human, but it was too large in stature given it curled up on the ground. This had to be some large person in a very convincing costume. Assuming it was someone dressed up, as what you could only think of as Mothman. A random tall person dressed head to toe in an extremely convincing Mothman in the middle of an isolated road, for reasons you couldn't conjure but there had to be a rational reason as to why.

The closer you approached, the more of your rationality began to slip. Carefully you squat down, putting your hands on its back, it felt real. Too real.

The wings felt warm, stroking your hand down, you felt the ridges, bumps, and what felt like a pulse, in the wings. You noticed it had a plush ruff around its neck that could’ve been mistaken for a scarf. And there were antennas on its head, it was featherlike and twitched every few seconds. You had no desire to investigate further, yet you had a gnawing sense of curiosity that compelled you.

Besides what if was someone who was severely injured and needed immediate help. And what kind of person would you be if you just drove off without a second thought, leaving them to die. You couldn't live with yourself if that was the case.

This is too unreal. But all the signs suggested otherwise.

Bracing yourself, you gently turned him over to face you, the moment you caught a glimpse of his face, you felt instant regret surge through your veins. You stumbled backward, landing on your back, trying to push yourself away from the massive creature with your legs.

"MOTHMAN!!" You screamed.

This in turn alarmed the cryptid, flapping his wings erratically in response to your sudden outcry. It was emitting these indiscernible sounds that you had heard earlier in the car, it provoked that familiar immense fear within you.

Except, this was louder than when you were in your car, the sound reverberated through you, chills traveling up your spine. You could feel your heart palpitating within your chest, your trembling limbs growing numb. You felt your senses heightened at an alarming rate it was nauseating that you felt your mind blur. If these disquieting sounds alone could trigger your flight or fight response, without the presence of the monster. It was nothing in comparison to the full show that was in front of you, it was overwhelming in all the senses, inciting you to get far as possible.

"Holy shit!" Pulling yourself from your state of shock, you turned over onto your hands and knees, pushing yourself up and away, making a straight beeline to your car without delay.

The screeching stopped behind you. Glancing back toward the monster curious if it was making a move towards you. But all you saw was a poor incapacitated being, pitifully attempting to lift itself away. One of its wings was flapping while the other was barely moving at all. When it tried to move its stiff wing, it wouldn't fully extend before retracting it back, making what sounded like a pained low screech.

In all honesty, even in your fear-driven state, it pained you to witness this distressing scene. Pondering back and forth between taking the car and leaving, or taking your chances with the monster.

Inching toward the car, all without removing your eyes from the scene. Then you heard a more distressing shrill, stopping you dead in your tracks. You couldn't leave him.

He still needs help.

Inhaling a deep breath, you shakily walked back, each step was challenging you felt so weak in the knees and you felt lighter than usual. Your mouth desiccated of any moisture but persisted in swallowing nothing. It felt as if you were walking down to your execution and it might as well be. You couldn't predict what it would do or what it was capable of doing if you got any closer. Regardless, you tried to push your fears aside and help him, even if it killed you.

"Hold on, I'm not gonna hurt you. Just don’t hurt me please." Easing yourself onto your knees, mindful of not doing any sudden movements to provoke it any further for both of your sakes.

Bringing a hand back to where you had it before, you delicately brushed your hand up and down in small strokes on its wing. Focusing on his state and not his appearance, you saw cuts and scrapes littering its wings and body.

You grazed over an open wound, causing the creature to flinch, silently apologizing to him in a hushed tone before continuing to pet him while avoiding any more wounds.

Its breathing began to slow, quelling its jitters. You took this as an indicator of the creature growing at ease at your presence. “See I just wanna help." You whispered as the Moth creature peered up, gazing into your eyes in a sort of mutual understanding. Ensuring a feeling of reprieve within you and within him, or so you thought. It was soon to be proven wrong. The moment was short-lived when the cryptid began to thrash around again, this time trying to keep you away from him.

"Wait I thought we had an understanding there." Pulling yourself into a ball to avoid the cryptid's violent flapping wing and arms recklessly whipping around. "The eye contact we had! The eye contact!" you screamed after being betrayed by this false sense of amicable trust you thought you both had shared at that moment. But this ineffectively did nothing to fix the dilemma, merely adding more to the chaos.

"Please I want to help you." Reaching your hand out to calm him once more, without the screaming and flailing this time. "This was my fault, I wanna help and then you can go on your Mothman way, okay?" You tried to coax. Once more the monster began to quiet down, its quick shallow breathing slowed. Weary of his soothed behavior, you waited a bit before wrapping his arm over your neck.

"Okay, I'm gonna pick you up or at least try to." You said, guiding him upward into a standing position.

"Christ, you’re heavy!" Bending under the weight, propping him against your frame, so you could get a proper footing and grip on him. You struggled to the car, trudging over, but not without one of your legs giving out from under the weight occasionally. What caught your eye was how his head lulled forward or side to side, he might be disoriented from the blow. Not wanting to move his head much, you trudged much slower than you already were and stopped every few seconds.

Arriving at you your vehicle, you rested against your car, before opening the car door and easing him inside into the backseat. Tucking in any stray limbs and wings fully inside the car. Shutting the door you looked at the heavily cracked windshield. It was damaged pretty well, you summarized that you had to slowly drive all the way home. Wait home.

"Wait, I can't just bring you to my house." You said, bringing a hand to your mouth, realizing a new issue. "Someone's gonna see you." Remembering you lived on a busy street near pubs and shops, and it was Friday night you could only assume there were still people out and about enjoying the nightlife. Peering inside your car, your eyes locked on your jacket in the front seat.

"Maybe I can disguise you, and it is Friday night maybe people would be too drunk to notice."

"As long as we don't draw too much attention." You said, getting into your seat and starting up the engine. But something about saying those words aloud, felt like it was going to bite you in the ass but what’s the worst that can happen, you had him handled.

….

Here you were driving back home with the low-volume melody playing like before. However, this was different, before you were alone and you welcomed the tranquil ambiance you had riding home. But now you were riding back with an elusive creature. Creating an unsettling silence within the vehicle. What was maddening was that you were unsure what he was thinking, making you unsure of what to do besides drive. Maybe you were overthinking this but you felt you had to do something to break this disorienting atmosphere because this was too hard to fathom as reality.

"D-Do you want gum? L-Leftover pizza?" Your voice cracked, quickly clearing your throat asking again in a stronger confident voice.

No response. You tapped your fingers on the steering wheel, sucking in your cheek prompting you to purse your lips in your endeavor of finding what else to say. Flitting your eyes back and forth from the road to looking around your car on what else to offer.

"My coat?"

No response again.

Looking at your rearview mirror to get a glimpse of the cryptid only to be met with its red eyes staring directly back at you. Hastily looking back to the road and sinking into your seat, alarmed. How long was he staring at you? Why was he staring? At least he seemed less disoriented now, but you didn’t need that right now, maybe you could draw his attention onto something else other than you.

"How about some air?" you asked, hoping he would stare out the window or put his head out, anything but him staring at you all the way home. Gliding your left hand over to the window control panel on the side of your door, you pushed down a button making his window rolled down. This captured his attention, redirecting his gaze towards the open window, watching the trees and road signs passing by. O thank god. but just as he turned his head to the outside, he took this as an invitation to spread his wings to catch some air.

"That doesn't mean you can start flapping, put your wings down." Whipping your head back and forth from the creature to the road, drawing a hand at him, swinging it around to get him to fold his wings down. "PUT YOUR WINGS DOWN! PUT YOUR WINGS DOWN!" Veering your car off to the side of the road.

.....

Back on the road, after sorting out the matter. "Okay, no rolled down windows." You remarked. Mothman looking like a perfect angel in the back tapping at the rolled-up window while you were in the front with your hair messed up and arms lightly scratched. You weren't a mother, but you now had a vague idea of what it would be like and further respect and admiration for them.

Needless to say, you rode the entire way back in silence without a single word being uttered.

…..

Steering your car on the side of the street in front of an apartment complex, you placed your car in park. You turned off the engine. Street lamps and other building lights were illuminating the street. The neon signs from the local business started to shut off, looked like some of them are turning in for the night.

You snatched your jacket from the passenger seat before slipping out and making your way to open Mothman’s car door.

"We need to move, quickly." Throwing your coat over him to conceal him in the event of someone walking by. Mothman pawed at the coat and clutching it closer to get a better look and smell of the material. After gathering your phone and keys, you whirled back toward Mothman. Fussing at him to not move the jacket, readjusting it over his head. You surveyed the streets for anyone coming down or seem like they are heading out in your direction.

Once more putting his arm around you, you strode as quickly as you possibly could to the complex without either of you falling over. Mercifully, you got to the door with no problem at all or bumping into anyone.

Until you heard something you’ve been dreading on the way home, something that made your heart sank down into the deep trenches of your stomach

"Holy shit! Is that Mothman!?!" A male voice exclaimed.

You whirled your head toward the stranger who was slowly approaching you two. Fuck!

Where did he come from and what made him so confident that he’s looking at Mothman. You glanced back over to Mothman noticing that the jacket that was covering his face, was now draped over his shoulders. Drastically you scoured your brain for an excuse or some sort of explanation to counter how this wasn't a cryptid. But he beat you to the punch before you had a chance to find a solid response.

"Dude sick costume!" He said excitedly.

O fuck. Relieved that it wasn't the worse, but you were surprised he didn't question any further especially how close he was to you both. Even you would've questioned, the details and just the overall realism of said 'costume'. It didn't take long for the answer to hit you square in the nose. When a waft of alcohol invaded your nostrils, the man was drunk, and you never were more grateful.

"Thanks." You nervously laughed.

"That’s crazy good man, you did this all yourself?” He asked enthusiastically towards Mothman, beholding every bit of intricacy on the creature.

"He can’t talk right now; he drank too much to function." You interjected. “We just got back from a party.”

"I gotcha, but is it okay if I get a photo though?"

FUCK! you blurted internally, but externally with faux delight, you said "Sure!"

" 'Chad' you cool with that?" you sheepishly asked your moth friend with the first name you could think of for him. And why were you asking him? As if he could make a cohesive verbal response. But you were hoping at this moment he could magically talk, alas all he did was blankly stare.

"I'm not hearing a no." You heard the man say and you woefully agreed.

"Gimme a sec." The man pulled out his phone and tapping it unlocked.

"Okay," your heart was racing in your chest and you could feel a layer of sweat beginning to form and pool in places. But by some sweet grace of some higher being, a miracle happened right before your eyes. You heard a melodious chime sweetly ring through the crisp early fall air.

"O dang getting a call, hold on" the man answered the call, turning his back towards you.

Maybe there was a god, after all, a fucking sadist with a sick sense of humor. Either way, you were not about to pass up this chance for a free getaway.

You took this God-given opportunity to jam your key into the lock swiftly to get the both of you inside. Twisting to unlock the entrance, you could overhear the man to what sounded like him wrapping up his conservation. Turning the knob, you ushered Mothman and yourself inside the apartment complex, but not without throwing a quick apology to the stranger. Slamming your back against the door shutting it closed, a wave of relief washed over you.

"Aw man, that was too close." leaning your head against the door, desperate for a quick breath from your ordeal. You hadn't felt this much adrenaline since, since. You were so winded you couldn't even recall a memory.

Peeling yourself off from the door, feeling ready to make the final steps home. Deceptively though your body wasn’t as ready to move just yet.

"Nope wait." still trying to catch your breath. Doubling over, leaning forward, and resting your hands on your knees. Mothman all the while just tilted his head at you, confused. While you were over there feeling like you were going to be sick. The wave of nausea quickly fading away allowing you to straighten yourself out.

"Okay, we're good." You said as you grabbed his hand leading him up the stairs. Unbeknownst to you, the large creature was zoning in at the unfamiliar contact.

During his entire time with you, he was just as wary of you as you were with him. He wasn’t one to present himself to people, only as a forewarning of what was to come or an indication that Mothman will be the very last thing they would see. He trailed and stalked others like you in your car but was never hit, that was a first for him. Albeit though, him getting hit with your car, leaving him cut up and bruised did give him another reason to be extremely defensive and antsy around you.

Yet, you were gentle, loud but gentle with him when he wasn’t. Risking your safety in an effort for him to get mended. Lightly ghosting his thumb over the soft skin of your hand, tightening his hold on you. But you didn't notice, you were too preoccupied with climbing higher up the stairs, vigilant for any neighbors.

"Come on we're almost to my place." Giving a reassuring hand squeeze.

"Try to stay quiet a little longer." Peering back at the cryptid flashing him a quick warm smile, before looking back straight ahead. The creature looked directly at you, then to stairs, and back to you again. He came up with a grand idea to help with your effort. But first, he had to gain your attention and for this to work, he had to disregard everything you told him not to do earlier. The cryptid started to emit his screech directly at you to get your attention. And to you, he was making a ruckus, that was echoing through the entire stairwell and halls.

"What part of stay quiet do you not understand?" Grimacing at the noise. You stopped your movement, aiming to cover his mouth with your free hand, you felt his mandibles tickling underneath your palm.

The creature pulled your hand away and into his own, clutching both of his hands close to himself, bringing you into him. This gesture was unexpected and left you feeling warm in the face by how close he was pressing you into him. But it didn't last long when he began to bend his knee and flap his wing readying himself to fly up.

"Wait don't" Pushing yourself away from him, you freed yourself from his grasp to stop his actions. He was still injured this would only cause more harm to him and to you if he tried doing what you thought he was about to do. In your effort to stop him, Mothman tried to reach out for you again, only for his wing to smack into you causing you to land on the hard edge of the concrete stairs; headfirst. “Shit."

Groaning, "Well, I deserved that." you brought your hand to your head, you winced at the touch. As you yanked your hand away you caught a glimpse of red in your peripherals. Bringing the hand in your line of vision you saw blood smeared on the tips of your fingers.

Mothman immediately brought his actions to a halt when he saw what he had done to you. His antennas drooped down, he came close, giving you a hand up. Gladly accepting the gesture, he brought you up to an upright position, he felt bad for what he had done to you. Tentatively, he brought a hand up, lightly swiping his claws over your forehead making a low pained screech.

“It’s okay, you just wanted help didn’t you.” He nodded in response, you pressed a hand to the wound preventing the blood from dripping down. You couldn’t be mad at him he didn’t know better, and you did hurt him first, it only felt fair. Disrupting this tender moment, you heard yelling and heavy footsteps approaching one of the doors on the floor you were on.

"Let’s go!" you rushed up the stairs, luckily for you both it was the final flight of stairs. Reaching the top of steps in record time when you heard the front swing door open.

"What's with all that commotion!?" A neighbor yelled upward toward the sound of your feet stomping up. Coming to an abrupt halt at your door, you whispered for Mothman to stay where he was, while you dealt with the matter below. But he decided to follow behind instead, not wanting to leave your side.

"Sorry I was just goofing" You admitted, showing your face over the rail, outing yourself to your neighbor.

"Sorry my ass, I got work early tomorrow, you expect me to sleep with this fucking racket outside, and now this." They argued back, and rightly so, who wouldn’t complain about an unearthly ear-piercing screech penetrating through the halls along with banging sounds hitting all around the walls. But you couldn’t help but feel annoyed

"I’m sorry, it won’t happen again, promise." You leaned forward resting against the rail while one leg was kicked up behind you, preventing Mothman from coming toward the railing. You exchanged a few more words with your neighbor to avoid the landlord getting involved. Finishing up, you pulled yourself away calling it wraps on the conversation as the individual below continued spewing profanities at you and about the building.

You unlocked and opened your door “In! In! In!" You shoved the imposing cryptid inside, already getting peeved by the neighbor's continuous rambling. It wasn’t anything new they hated everyone in the building, but it wasn’t something you grew used to though.

"Jesus Christ finally." you sighed, kicking the door behind shut.

Slipping off your shoes, leaving them by the entrance, your feet ached in relief from its constructing confines. Dragging yourself through the small hall leading the way to the main part of your home, it was small but cozy.

"Here we are home sweet home." you chimed, leading Mothman further into the living room, grabbing the jacket from him and tossing it to the couch. As well as turning on a lamp to properly illuminate the room. It didn't take long for Mothman to be drawn to the light fixture like the moth he was. He grabbed the lamp hugging it towards him, looking directly at the bulb. Chuckling at the sight, you could’ve given him a flashlight on the way home if he was going to be this mesmerized. You proceeded to make your way to the kitchen for your first aid kit.

"You can make yourself comfortable, but don’t wreck anything please," you shouted from the room over, but Mothman was unbothered, he was solely transfixed on the soft light, eyes wide and grabbing at the lampshade. "I'm gonna go find my first aid kit to fix you and my cut." You really hoped nothing else gets broken, there was already enough screaming and thrashing for the night.

Shuffling through the kitchen, trying to remember where you last placed the kit. You rested and slid a hand over the cool smooth linoleum counter, looking between cabinets for any sign of a small box. Coming to the last cabinet, you rummaged through before finally pulling out your first aid kit.

But you couldn’t help but stop and think about tonight’s events. It started as a fun night, then filled with pure dread, mothering, and now what felt like taking care of a drunk long-time friend. Except, what really dominated your mind was this odd feeling you started to feel, you recounted back in the hall the way he held you close. It made you feel bashful, to say the least. Up to now, you saw him as a friendly harmless dare you say, an unexpected friend. But that didn’t accurately describe what you were feeling. Shaking your heading, you had other pressing matters to attend to.

"Got it, let's see." And not to your surprise you saw the tall cryptid sitting on the couch, clutching the lamp close to him as if it was his lifeline. You contemplated whether you should take the lamp away. But he looked to be enjoying the light source, hearing faint happy chirps emitting from him. Sadly, you decided to ruin his fun, seeing as there were wounds you needed to tend to on his chest and you needed the light to properly see them.

You attempted to pull the lamp away so you could have better access to examine his injuries. In response, he chittered in objection to his lamp being taken, and nothing was going to separate him from his precious lamp. He was going to soon learn that the lamp was barely holding onto the outlet. Hugging it closer to himself, the plug came out, extinguishing the light. Perplexed as to where his light disappeared to, he presented the lamp towards you hoping you would bring the light back.

“I’ll bring it back, but only until I get a look at you.” He nodded vigorously as you grabbed the lamp and setting back on the mini table, blindingly trying to find the plug and inserting back into the outlet turning on the lamp again. You sat on the couch next to him, motioning for him to come closer so you could get to work.

......

"I don’t see any major cuts or anything broken." Scouting out the state of the injuries, they were honestly not that bad, you guessed it was probably due to the now dried flaky blood around his cuts gave the appearance that they worse than what they were. He got pretty lucky but it was probably due to his build that he was capable of taking on more than a couple of hits.

"Only just a sprain and a couple of cuts, that’s a relief" Thinking to yourself glad it wasn't any worse, you couldn't imagine the stress of trying to keep him at your apartment while he heals, and away from your neighbors’ eyes. The fear of him getting caught and taken away and dissected. Being bombarded by officials and Mothman lovers. And getting questioned or probed, maybe even both. You didn’t know if they would, but you knew deep in your heart they would probe you for answers. Stopping your paranoid-filled train of thought from delving any further. You finished tying up a couple of loose ends and sticking on on salve on minor areas.

"See all better. Don’t move too much, it'll heal quickly that way" Gathering any trash to throw away. Everything is fine now; you don’t have plans tomorrow so you could probably sneak him back out the next night.

Huh.

Letting him go. The idea of it should have given you some relief and yet you couldn’t help but feel conflicted. Would he come to visit again? No that would be reckless. Or you could convince him to stay longer to heal, no that would be irresponsible and selfish of you. He deserves to go back, and you're going to help him get back on his feet and let him be on his way. You walked back to the room.

“Feel much better?” you inquired to Mothman who busy was playing with the bandages on him.

He looked directly at you and nodded in response.

"That’s good, the sooner you get better the sooner you can leave," you told him, seating yourself back next to Mothman who hasn’t kept his eyes off of you. You peered up to catch a glimpse of what he was doing, only to capture him looking directly at you with his head tilted.

Not this again. you thought.

He’s certainly not making this any easier. You looked away trying to focus on anything else in the room before you resorted to looking at the floor.

"You know it’s still kinda crazy, that this is even real. Like I feel like I’m going insane," you jokingly confessed to Mothman, laughing to yourself. But you thought about it more, maybe you were, "O my God is this what a psychological break is?" You looked back at him, having an unfazed look on him.

"Can I?" you asked reaching a hand forward. He stared at your hand for a bit, until he leaned forward giving you permission to proceed.

"So soft" allowing yourself to fully feel him, combing your hand through his dark fur and traveling up his ruff. It was surprisingly plush for how it looked, it felt you were touching a cloud but with some tiny debris within it. You gathered more courage to let your hand wander up to his face, giving a couple of brushes before stopping your motion, cupping the side face. His eyes were a brilliant red color comparable to a lustrous gem.

"You really are real." You muttered, stroking a thumb over his cheek.

Mothman brought a clawed hand to your face in a likewise manner, curious of your own features. Where for him he found them peculiar and to other individuals such as yourself they found it normal. The universe was messed up, making it much harder for you to separate yourself from him when the time comes for him to leave, but you allowed this, forgetting your initial plan.

Feeling a sharp claw gliding up against your skin, perfectly capable of nicking you or doing so much worse to you than you could imagine. But he had no intention to do so, merely entranced by you.

His hand wandered up to your forehead, where your gash was, flaky and dried the blood was chipping at the edges. His antennas lowered and chirped in response, for what he did to you back at the stairwell, he didn't mean to. Even if you said it was alright, it still didn’t make him better, bringing a hand to skim the wound, you flinched at the sharp pain of your forgotten injury, knocking you out of your trance-like state.

Mothman drawing back in his seat, alert and worried thinking he hurt you again.

“It’s okay, you did nothing wrong.”

You reached a hand out to calm him, you aimed for his arm but managed to miss and land your hand on his thigh. Wow, that’s great! you internally cringed feeling a blush rush over you, instead of pulling back you still tried to alleviate him by patting his leg, telling him it was the injury that was hurting you not him.

Instead of defusing his concerned mindset, he only tried to push away from you to avoid causing you any further harm. Hand still anchored on his thigh, you launched yourself trying to stop him from hurting himself more.

Fortunately, with your luck, you ended up top of him, Mothman laying on the couch while you hovered over him, with both of your legs planted on either side of his thigh. Your left knee was alarming close to his crotch if you moved an inch closer you would be bumping your knee right into it. Your hands rested squarely on his chest, finger splayed out as you looked down at him with a similar wide-eyed expression.

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

Maintaining your effort of trying to console Mothman, you coughed to clear your throat and your mind of any dirty thoughts from springing up. “Hey, I know you didn’t mean to, and if you did, I would tell you and- and I’m sorry that I gave you the impression that you hurt me and I’m sorry for hitting you with my car, I feel like saying it doesn’t do justice for what I did.” You panted after your long-winded speech.

“Also, I’m sorry for tackling you down that wasn’t my intention. So, you good? I didn’t hurt you?”

He slowly shook his head, as a response that you didn’t hurt him. Startled yes. Hurt no. Bobbing your head in understanding, you carefully crawled off him.

"Well, I guess I should go get the blood washed off, I'll be right back." You informed the still cryptid who made no effort of getting up, just continued to lay on the couch staring straight ahead in shock.

Walking off to clean off the blood and to regain your composure. You were just going through too many emotions than you should for the night. On your way to take care of your problem, you could’ve sworn you heard something akin to a cat purring where Mothman was. But you blew it off and justified it as hearing the blood rushing and the beat of your heart pounding in your ears.

Striding down a hall and into the bathroom you turned the faucet on allowing the water to flow into the sink and onto your hands. Water pooled in your cupped hands before splashing the cold water onto your face, the water, and dried blood dripping together down around the curves and grooves of your face into the porcelain bowl below. It was a satisfying contrast to your heated face, splashing another round of water at your face but an intrusive memory replayed the moment that happened a few seconds ago. Leaving your face buried in your hands, groaning from sheer embarrassment. Fucking hell why am I like this?!

Unwillingly you slid your hands off and look at yourself in the mirror you looked like the accurate personification of a hot mess. You weren’t going to think too much into this, you are going to pretend what happened didn’t happen, you were going to disinfect and stick a bandage on your cut and not dwell on your emotions around the situation at hand. Allowing him to leave as soon as he is better and not have any other affiliations with him again.

Opening the medicine cabinet for an alcohol wipe and unwrapping the wipe from its small packaging.

"Now for the worst part." Quietly hissing at the contact with the antiseptic. Finishing up on cleaning the wound, you foraged through the cabinet looking for a bandaid. Noting there wasn’t one to be found, you sighed.

Guess I need to go find one.

Turning toward the door to walk out, you looked up and saw Mothman standing at the doorway, watching.

How long was he standing? And how the hell is he so silent for such a big guy and why wasn't he like this before? You were about to question him what he was doing here or if needed something when you noticed he was fiddling with a band-aid in hand. Slowly he brought it up, placing it over your cut.

"Thanks." Laying a hand over the band-aid, feeling not just your cheeks warming up but now a butterfly feeling in your stomach, solidifying your emotions for him.

So much for my plan.

Weaseling past him, before enthusiastically asking him, "Well, we got time to pass, so what do you want to do?"

…..

The sun rays bled through the curtains lightening up your home, the light seeping past your eyelashes and into your eyelids forcing you to wake up. Blinded by the light, you groaned in discomfort, pushing yourself up hearing a couple pops in your back. Rubbing a hand up and down your face trying to wipe away the sleep.

What the hell happened here? Why was there glass everywhere? Looking up you saw your window smashed in with only a few jagged pieces in place around the sides. Turning your attention away you looked around the room, wasn’t there someone else here. O yeah.

But the question was, how did you end up falling asleep on the floor, and where was the large cryptid. Wait a minute.

…

"No, you can't go out, you're still hurt." Trying to hold him back from going through the window. Everything was fine, you both were sitting on the couch, watching whatever, and snacking on fruit, and next, you found yourself asleep but woke up to a ruckus, the tv still on, and seeing Mothman trying to rip the curtain off the window nearby. Jumping to action to stop him, he successfully pulled off the curtains along with the rack, you assumed he was trying to leave even though he wasn’t better or so you thought.

And here you were struggling to hold him back, you thought he was difficult before but now that he fully adjusted and patched, you fully experienced that he was pure indomitable power.

"At least wait till the street is clear." You insisted, noticing some people walking or jogging down the street in the dark early morning. But he didn't listen he was adamant in making his exit. So, you made the decision to let him go.

"Okay, okay at least let me get the window, I don’t want glass on the floor." Racing in front of him to slide the window open. A quick gust of wind whipped against your face, causing you to squint your eyes in response.

"There! AH-!" the last thing you saw was Mothman coming at you and the last thing you felt was his frame bulldozing you down by fast approaching torso.

…

"O right." That explains how you ended up on the floor and the glass strewn all over the floor. More incredibly, even when you opened the window, the creature still managed to break the window in its haste to leave. Your head was pounding, he really is a force to be reckoned with. Bringing a hand to your head, you winced at the contact to your forehead but noticed something else. Delicately raising a hand back to your forehead and skimming along the surface. There was the band-aid from the stairwell and on the other side was another. You didn’t remember adding when did you?

Oh.

……

"My window," you muttered groggily, your vision fading out not before the moth creature gave his assistance to you for the last time and a thanks to you by sticking a band-aid on your sure-to-be bruised noggin as you lulled into an unconscious state.

……

At least bug boy was nice enough to get you another band-aid when he put you out cold, before making his exit. Slowly standing up to get started on assessing the mess and knowing full well that you needed to inform your landlord of the window. You peered out the window, curious of any indication of Mothman to spot, unfortunately, all there was to see the was hustle and bustle of the city around and below.

Turning your attention back to the mess, maybe you could make a fib of some large man drunk man pretending to be Mothman breaking into your home believing it was his. Sighing, you went to grab a broom to clean up the mess, at least you were able to encounter a real living and breathing legend. Made you wonder if other cryptids exist, but you’re pretty sure handling one creature was enough for now after last night.

Finishing up, you gathered all the shards and brought them to the trash. You didn’t have work for today, which gave you the opportunity to get a breather and get things done. Making your way to your room and getting ready for the day.

As you were getting clothes on and getting a good look at yourself in the mirror. There square above your eyes and your right eye was a bruise evident from last night's escapades. Shaking your head, laughing to yourself you weren’t going to be able to cover up the contusion. Bringing a hand to your head, you couldn’t help but smile at the cryptids' cute gesture. Walking out of the restroom deciding to let the shiner shine, ready to do some damage control.

Grabbing your keys, and heading out the door, and yet you couldn't stop thinking of that little moth guy. What are the chances of seeing him again? Probably unlikely, a mere once in a lifetime chance but you were grateful to encounter a sweet bug boy like him.