#i was hoping i could keep this one short
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ochiody Ā· 4 months ago
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i think than would be claustrophobic
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ineed-to-sleep Ā· 2 months ago
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Some sketches I did to try to get a feel for what I want my Rook to look like šŸ¤”
#I'll probably have to change the hair tbh#I haven't seen hair quite like this in the cc videos#the one dreadlocks+half bun hairstyle I saw wasn't quite the right vibe?? too short tbh#and lacking some shape#I just hope someone mods bg3 hairstyles into the game......... I had this one specific bg3 hair mod in mind while I was drawing her#but I'd settle for any long dreadlocks hairstyle tbh šŸ˜”#ironically I think I'll end up going for the short one in game šŸ«  I feel like the shape of it fits the vibe I'm going for with her#which is like. kind of edgy fjdjjfjf very angular#can you tell I'm eyeing the antivan crow background for my 1rst playthrough........#sketch tag#dragon age#datv#sleepyscribble#I love her face. I definitely want to keep her face exactly like this#I'm only unsure about the scar and the makeup#I was thinking something like a lightning scar on the side of her face#which I could use to come up with something for her backstory later(trauma <3)#story wise I have a general idea of where I want to go with her but it's very like. just vibes rn#I'm thinking of going for angst with 'taken into the crows as a kid + being a crow is a huge part of who she is'#and 'being a crow is something she might want to stop being. but she can't. because she doesn't know how to be anything else'#I started thinking abt that while reading through the backgrounds and I thought yeowch. I have to go with crow now#but other than that I'm also looking forward to playing mostly purple rook so nfncnncncm she'll be an absolute disaster#also in my head her name is renata and her voice sounds a bit like josephine's
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ancha-aus Ā· 3 months ago
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RealAgeAU Drabble - Snowed In
Okay. Seeing as I have been spamming you guys with the new AU. I think it is time for a little treat :3
Ever wondered how the Gang and the Danielle's became such good friends?
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edit: damnit I forgot to summon you! @spotaus
*---------------------*
Horror watches as Cross looks into the chimney "any luck so far Dust?"
Some clanks and curses "No."
That isn't good.
Horror had never been in the AU for as long as now. And never in the winter months.
He hadn't known that a blizzard could hit out of nowhere.
They had been snowed in very quickly and most electricity had shorted out.
Which honestly wouldn't have been that big of a deal if it hadn't been for their chimney getting clogged with debris. Meaning they couldn't start a fire and risk getting their house smoked out, or worse actually burned down.
Dust had climbed up it to see if he could fix it but he hadn't had much luck. aparently it was really stuck and Dust only had so much room to move around in up there. and if he used too much force it could cause damage.
Horror was fine, he is used to the cold. Same for Dust. Cross is trained and could manage as well. Killer already runs a lot hotter thanks to his strange soul situation and overwarm mana.
Nightmare however?
Horror walks over to the nest and pulls a blanket up slightly. The little made den only holds Killer nad Nightmare at the moment, Killer's soul lighting up the tiny hiding place.
Horror looks at the two as he tries to appear calm even if he feels so afraid and worried "and?"
Killer is rubbing Nightmare through the extra blanket they have him wrapped in. Killer shoots him an anxious look "He is very out of it. I didn't think the cold would be this bad for him."
Horror frowns and mutters "fragile magic." not only that but he is also a tree spirit who was originally form an AU where it was always spring or summer time, or some curious combination of the two. Nightmare was literally not made to deal with winter.
Killer frowns as he tries to share the body heat he has. Nightmare mumbles some words and opens his sockets. looking exhausted.
Killer however looks excited "Hey there tiny boss! How are you feeling?"
Nightmare frowns and looks confused before muttering an reply "tired..."
Killer frowns "Yeah i get thtat. just stay awake for a bit longer okay?"
Nightmare mutters unhappily as he shivers. Nightmare pushes himself close to Killer and Killer locks both his arms around him again as he stares at him "please tell me dust almost got it fixed?"
Horror sighs and shakes his skull. It isn't fixed. and that is the issue.
Killer looks afraid as he looks down at Nightmare "Maybe... maybe we need to make another jump? To a warmer AU at least? Get him to warm up?"
Horror agrees but also the idea of Nightmare making a dimension jump now? while he is already fragile? Horror is afraid it will just make things worse and-
Knocking on the door.
Killer looks up and stares "who the fuck visits people in a blizzard?"
horror frowns and shoots Killer a smile "I will check." he rises to his feet after tugging the blanket in again as he makes his way towards the door. Cross is by his side and looking at it with distrust.
Horror opens the door a tiny bit and stares in shock.
Dani stands on their porch. Dressed in some winter clothes but it looks more like she is dressed for a day of snow fun in the park over standing in a blizzard.
Dani notices he opened the door and grins "Snow carepackage delivery! What you needing?"
horror doens't have the words but luckily Cross does "what the fuck?"
Dani grins as she points a thumb over her shoulder towards the drive way "special snowday delivery."
Horror looks over and sees a very old off road truck standing on their porch. The tires are halfway deflated but gigantic and horror can spot the silvery chains all over them.
Dani must see the confusion and sighs something in the air and Horror can see Ellie give a sigh back.
The truck turns off and Ellie climbs out and towards the loading area of the truck and starts searching through stuff.
Dani steps into their house and clsoes the door before she frowns "fuck it is cold in here. What is wrong?"
Horror is once again all out of words as Cross mutters "chimney got something stuck in it. Dust is trying to fix it but... well... we hadn't finished isolating the whole house..."
Dani nods as she grabs a very old walky talky from her belt. she turns it on and speaks "Dani to Ellie. over."
a moment of silence before crackling "Ellie to Dani, hearing you loud and clear. over!" there are clear sounds of wind on the other side.
Dani grins "Dani to Ellie. We will need tools and blankets. any spare winter clothes is also a must. Over."
a moment before an answer "Heard you loud and clear! Getting it all ready! over and out!"
And Dani puts the walky talky back to her belt before she answers "Each year winter hits hard here. the first year we got here we noticed this and started going around to check on our neighbors. Gerson especially when he still lived here. We kept the habit up." she looks around "anything else you need?"
horror shakes his skull "Nothing really. Just too cold for Nightmare." and didn't that just feel like a failure? To not have been prepared.
Dani nods "You still got enough wood for when the chimney works fine?"
Cross nods "We should."
Dani looks relieved "okay that is good. Lets check to make sure it is all dry while Ellie grabs the stuff."
Dani lets Cross lead her to their wood storage as Horror quickly updates Dust and Killer. both voice their surprise about the sudden visit but one shiver of nightmare and neither say much more on it.
Neither likes to be in debt to others but if it is for their babybones? Yeah. Horror gets it.
Some nkocking on the door and Horror rushes to open it.
Ellie looks even less dressed for the snow as she just stands there with a warm sweater, snowpants, snowboots, a scarf and some earmuffs. She walks in but before she fully steps in she hits her boots together and against the outside doorpost to kick off the snow.
Now that he thinks about it Dani did the same.
Ellie walks in and grins "okay! Winter jacket and sweater. air tight and water proof." she holds it up "Probably a good idea for your kid. Kids always have trouble regulating their heat." she she hands it over.
Horror quickly leads her and all her stuff next to the nest where he raises the blanket again. He shows the jacket and Killer snatches it quickly to wrap Nightmare completely in it.
Ellie next holds up a very large woolen blanket and a fleece blanket. She holds up the woolen one first "This one first. all around him. Then wrap the fleece blanket around that." Horror does as told as Ellie continues to speak.
"What we are doing. As long as there is no outside heat. is trying to form an isolation for him so his own body heat can warm him up. We found that these things work very well."
They end up having nightmare all wrapped up and back in killer's arms before putting another fleece blanket on top of the blanket already covering them.
Ellie shows some thermo clothes next for them to wear and stay warm but Horror mentions they are mostly fine. As long as they stay out of the wind and snow that is. Ellie accepts it and puts it on the pile to take back to their truck.
Dani and cross reappear from their wood pile "Looks fine. you guys also still have enough fire starters so you should be golden. oh nice you brought the tools!" Dani checks the stuff and pulls out a mallet and some rope before going to go towards the chimney and start talking with dust.
Cross stares at Ellie "what?"
ellie smiles as she waits for her wife to finish "We do this yearly. Dani and I are made for the cold. She being a malamute dog monster and I am actually a snowshoe hare. Not exactly bunny but I don't mind being called a bunny monster." she shrugs with a grin. "When the first blizzard hit it meant that we were both excited and went for a walk in the snow together. it was great to be in these temperatures again."
she frowns "As we were walking we realised we didn't see smoke come from the direction of one of our neighbors. where we grew up you just kinda relied on each other in the cold months. You kept an eye on your neighbors and if they lit their fires on time. We decided to check it out and found out that one of them had gotten surprised by the cold and the the house's heating had gotten damaged."
Ellie waves off the worry "Everything was fine in the end. we helped our neighbor back to our house and let him stay while we grabbed some supplies and decided to walk around and check on the others. We made it a habit and made sure that our truck was easy to prepare for winter and rough weather." she grins.
a loud clank and they turn to see a large piece of wood and branches at the bottom of the chimney. Dani grins as she looks up into it "check the top and if the closing and opening mechanism is stillwhole! You guys will need that to keep the snow out."
a moment of silence before confirmation that it is still moving and seems whole. Dani nods and says she will test the handle and to say if anything sounds weird or seems to move weird. They get through the test and moments later dust is down with them.
Dani grins at Ellie "My lady. if you could."
Ellie grins as she walks over to the fire place and with just a few quick hadn movements the fire is ablaze.
Cross blinks "you have fire magic?"
ellie giggles "nah. just the skills to start one!"
dani nods "she is a born arsonist. sadly she is lawful good." ellie nudges her in the side.
Dani grins as Ellie giggles before she shoots them a smile "You guys good? We need to be on our way to check the others. there are always people with little wood or food or blankets and we want to check everyone."
Dani nods "We just came here first because... well it is you guys's first winter here. if you didn't expect the blizzard it can cause for issues."
Horror shakes his skull "we are good." whihc is when they hear sleepy mutters from their nest and killer actually pushes the blanket back to show nightmare rubbing his sockets with a tiny frown. clearly free from his forced half hibernation he had been almost kicked into.
Horror lets out a breath of relieve and mutters "we are good..."
Dani and ellie share a look and nod before leaving a very cheap looking phone with them "in case of you guys need anything else."
Cross frowns and points at their land line "the phone is out."
Dani nods "we know. that is an upgraded walky talky."
ellie grins "while the phone towers can be knocked out these babies are sturdy! They also are limited though. which is why you can only call us using that one but we are by far the most mobile in this weather." and she puffs her chest up proudly
Dani smiles "just give us a call if you need anything." she nudges Ellie "we need to get moving. we don't want to have to drive through a dark snowstorm."
and the two leave again. They both climb into their truck, which really is just their normal truck but with large wheels. before the drive off. huh. seems like the almost flat tires give them drip to get through the loose snow and over the icy roads.
Horror makes a mental note to find a way to thank them before acutally makign a note on their to-do list instead.
afterwards they sit in their nest and just listen to the fire crackle as the storm rages on.
*---------------------*
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doodleodds Ā· 2 years ago
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Happy Valentines, Akira. Happy Valentines, Asshole.
If you canā€™t read what Akechiā€™s secondary inner-dialogue says cause I obscured it too much behind his regular dialogue, hereā€™s a transcription in panel order: Hello, you fucking- Ah- Hello, Akira! Fuck off, why should I tell you- Just a soda- thereā€™s a new flavor.
I donā€™t want your shitty gift. Oh- haha! Youā€™re so sweet.
I hope I choke. Theyā€™re lovely, thank you.
Like hell. Likewise. Thereā€™s no way itā€™s just a coincidence. Still though, itā€™s a funny coincidence.
#p5#akeshu#akechi goro#kurusu akira#wow- me?? posting a valentines comic... actually on?? valentines????? wack. absolutely wack#it's a short one! I purposefully tried to keep it short. it was a challenge and it still ended up being 3 pages. but i blame my canvas size#also in case u can't see what akira is holding out to akechi: theyre chocolate covered strawberries on sticks!#i saw them irl and was like oh god i want those. i am going to project that feeling on my favorite characters so help me god#and now! here we are! but my shitty-ass coloring & line quality make it hard to discern them so. sorry about that lmaooooo#ANYWAY i don't do enough post-maruki stuff so. i made this one a little bittersweet. :)#why did i put akechi's scarf in a bow? honestly i dont know! i think i saw some art a while ago that did that too and i thought it was cute#well. plus i guess there's the symbolism of 'akechi being alive and reciprocating your feelings (however involuntarily) IS a gift' part#hence that hes wrapped up in a bow. like a present. :)#also god. the first panel is supposed to be akechi's reflection in a vending machine window. I could NOT get it to look right#so for reference!!! just so you guys understand!!!!!! thats what that panel is supposed to be!!! he is NOT in fact a ghost. (sigh)#hope you enjoyed and had a lovely valentines!! for my part i have eaten nothing but sweets today and hoo boy will that have been a mistake#ALSO in terms of the audience-participation comic...hopefully coming soon. if i can ever gain the will to draw it.#but at least tumblr has polls now so i can do the audience-choose-y bit without needing to use a separate website! so thats good i guess#anyway anyway anway thanks for listening to me ramble if you made it this far! have a lovely rest of your day and hopefully see u again soon
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luck-of-the-drawings Ā· 8 months ago
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OH ARTHUR BENNETT.. such a gorgeous and intriguing character. terribly burdened by a GRUESOME set of crimes, his light suffocated by a HEAVY century of GUILT. so tragic, so dark and broody, and yet PAINFULLY awkward in any social setting ever
#jrwi fanart#cw blood#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#arthur bennett#OUHH THIS ONE WAS SITTING IN MY WIPS FOR SO LOOOONGwhen i took it out there was mould on it :sob:#BUT i think i was able to fix it up okay#i keep seeing SO MANY MISTAKES RRAAAHHH BUT YOU DONT SEE THEM RIGHT?? THATS ONLY ME. RIGHT?? EXACTLY.#THE KEY IS TO SAY. AND REPEAT AFTER ME. 'FUUUCK IT WE BALL#so anyway. arthur bennett huh? grizzly says that arthur is reaal fuckin difficult to play. and i SUPER get that. i mean LOOK AT HIM..#grizz often needs a minute to think abt what hes gonna say in a way that matches w that Stoic Personality. which is FAIR but also that#ends up making way for awkward confrontations like: the lady in the parky lot. he took too long to answer and scared her away.& I LOVE THAT#arthur is tragic and sad and cool and stoic but hes ALSO awkward and silly and kinda dumb and short sighted. HE HAS COMPLEXITIES#I LOVE WHEN TTRPG CHARACTERS HAVE A GOOD SET OF SHORTCOMINGS. ESPECIALLY WHEN U FIND THEM ONLY AS U PLAY THEM.#I COULd go on and on saying the same things w different words abt arthurs intriguing and entertaining character but i shall spare u. for no#ILL ALSO MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE HIS FLAVOR THO.. I LOVE TALL HOT BOY WHOS ONE W THE DARKNESS.. I REMEMBER WHEN HE FIRST MENTIONED THE#BADLUCK. N I WAS LIKE OOOHH THATS WHY HIS DESIGN IS SO COOL N CHAOTIC N ASYMMETRICAL. HES UNLUCKY!!! i love love love his design so much...#GRaaauruguguraguhhghghgh what else what else is there for me to spew on abt...i think im reachin a limit here..OH MAGNUS. i hope that#we get to know more abt how magnus and arthur met.. like How they became besties... ouuhh... I ALSO WANNA KNOW MORE ABT MARY DAVIS. LIKEHOW#he also apparently spent alotta time in a zone dominated by edward twilight? all he remembers is constant partying? I WANNA KNOW MORE..#i think i got room 4 one more ramble SO. THE ART PIECE.as i said its gone a lil stale BUT. im still very proud o the bits where hes allScar#I WANNA SEE HIM GET SCARYMORE. I like the idea of shadows solidifying to make him strange and eerie.like TEETH n CLAWS n SPINES n YESS#also the SILVER EYES.no1 does silver eyes like the show Claymore. they make em look so striking and eerie...i also like to think that#human arthur had deep beautiful brown eyes.just in my beaitufl heart.i mean look at him..i wanna cook him n eat him.ANYWAY#i think thats all my ramblin for this piece. now i gotta go cancel a single day i had ata hotel bc my work schedule change last minute FUCK#feel free to ramble in my tags aswell tho i read all of them and i chew on thenm and i love them so sos os mcuh
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cuz-reasons Ā· 6 months ago
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Summary: Sometimes, all Ingo and Emmet needed was to exist near the other. It's difficult to do that when one goes missing, when you don't know what you're missing. It can be harder to get used to it again as well.
Another short thing today! Although, a little more angsty than the last thing I posted
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candyunicornsateme Ā· 8 months ago
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I miss K2ā€¦. What are your favorite scenarios to put K2 in?
oh god ummmm
Suddenly sitting alone across from each other at a restaurant/cafƩ in tense silence because of unspoken feelings and Kenny's kinda surprisingly intense gaze and Kyle having a crushing realization that Kenny's a lot different than he thought
Kyle is upset and suddenly Kenny's super attentive and comforting in a subtle, non-pushy way (Kyle realizing Kenny can be compassionate, dare I say seems to be more so when no one's aroundšŸ‘€)
Why Are You Getting Into Trouble Like This Kyle kysterion situations. In any way.
Kyle finding out Kenny would literally die to save him and Kenny getting really heated when Kyle won't listen and puts himself in danger to help/save Kenny too. Because of course.
Kenny just greeting like "hi Kyle :) (waves cutely)" and Kyle has his head up his own ass and it takes him fucking forever to realize Kenny is 1. Cute and 2. Really likes him. Does this even count as a scenario idfk. CUTE KENNY. CUTE.
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mildmayfoxe Ā· 4 months ago
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why does it feel like my only options for clothes these days are either to get something for worryingly cheap made of asbestos and polyester from a sketchy website or to shell out $100 a pop for something also made of polyester but just has a veneer of respectability about it
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bea-mouthwashing Ā· 4 days ago
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" .. it's silent today. again.."
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bizarrelittlemew Ā· 2 months ago
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For the fic trope ask!
I've just read two of your age difference fics, Out of my head and Throw away the oars, which is a fic trope I LOVE. But I was curious what your opinion is on age difference as a reader? šŸ˜Š
thank you, it means a lot to me that you read and liked them!! šŸ’–
okay so first of all, i absolutely love this trope as a reader too, so it's an A or maybe even an A+:
A: Love it. Spend my time combing AO3 for it.
i want to elaborate a little on this though because it's actually something i've been thinking a lot about recently. my impression is that it's sort of a divisive trope, where most people either love it or actively avoid it - like, it either speaks to you or it doesn't. for ofmd specifically, middle-aged characters finding love is a core part of canon, and a lot of people (me included) love it for exactly that. i can absolutely understand that many will see de-aging one (or both) of the characters in a fic as unappealing for this reason (and i am not here to argue that they shouldn't - don't like, don't read). then, why do i like it so much? well, there's the obvious aspect of personally finding older people hot. wanting to fuck that old man and therefore writing how a guy fucks that old man lmao. but there's also the thing that adding an age difference introduces just a liiiittle bit of sexy power imbalance and conflict, similar to lots of classic romance novel tropes. the fantasy of having a more experienced guy show you the ropes while making you feel safe and desired. when writing, i put a lot of thought into 1) the older person not taking advantage of the younger person having less life experience (and usually making them struggle with their feelings because they don't target younger love interests in general) and 2) not infantilizing or taking away agency from the younger person (they're still a grown adult fully capable of making their own choices). when i write fanfic/AUs, i see it as a playground for exploring the characters in all sorts of ways, and i think it's interesting to change things i find fundamental about canon (and wouldn't want any other way in the source material), and changing their ages provides so many meaty things and opportunities to consider.
also, i have nothing but respect for giving a character a huge pile of daddy issues and either making them go "lalalalala i do not see it (as it's staring them right in the face)" or "obviously the only way to deal with this is to fuck that old man" šŸ˜Œ
send me a fanfic trope and i'll grade it!
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fictionadventurer Ā· 1 year ago
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I have three stories that I would like to write at least some part of before the deadline for the Inklings Challenge.
I am scrolling tumblr and obsessively looking up book recommendations online.
I see some problems here.
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dirtytransmasc Ā· 1 year ago
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Do you think that when alicent warn rhaenyra about the milk came from her nipple during the council she was doing it to humiliate her?
complicated.
personally it took me a few rewatches to totally get the scene (I'm autistic and the social and personal nuance of the scene was personally hell for me for some reason) but I can safely say, I believe it wasn't her intent.
I don't think Alicent meant any ill will, she was trying to be kind, alerting Rhaenyra that she was letting down milk and that she needed to go clear herself up. they're both mothers, this is something they both know well, and I'm sure Alicent has gotten mastitis before and she felt sympathy for Rhaenyra. she had attempted to be discreet as well, Rhaenyra was the one who made the problem evident when she looked at it directly. overall, I think Alicent was just trying to be kind, one mother to one mother, even in her frustration.
I will say, I think her frustration caused her to blunter then she could have been and opened Rhaenyra up for potential scorn by the court. she was annoyed with her, pissed off about the betrothal offer and Rhaenyra's actions at council, so even in her attempts at kindness, some of that well deserved animosity seeped through. a kind gesture turned sour by her frustration with the other women.
I also think that alicent forgets that while Rhaenyra is not entirely immune to the judgement and misogyny of the court. it's s very small part of this encounter, but as Rhaenyra has always acted and been allowed to act above the court, I think she underestimated how much pointing out such a womanly problem could effect Rhaenyra. I don't know if that makes any sense, I don't really know how else to put this concept into words though so you'll have to bear with it.
at the end of the day, I don't think Alicent did anything explicitly wrong, but I can understand why people could feel like she had tried to scorn Rhaenyra or humiliate her. my thing is, is that she doesn't look at her in a way that would suggest that. she looks tired, she looks tired and frustrated, but you see her sort of "step out" of councilwoman mode to something much more natural and less... like a facade I guess. she makes this comment to Rhaenyra as Alicent, not the queen, not as Viserys's wife, not even as her stepmother (she only speaks to Rhaenyra like this a few times, but it's an honorable mention), she speaks only as a long lost friend and s mother who understands. she wasn't thinking about court or humiliating Rhaenyra, but only giving aid, even when she didn't want to.
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milfygerard Ā· 5 months ago
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did she specifically make 34 versions of TTPD because shes 34 years old
#barry.txt#taylor swift#also to make money and keep her char position long term obviously but she can never just make money it has to be some numerology bullshit#what a swiftian concept#her relationship to capital and product as an aspect to her art is endlessly interesting to me#also how she sells every album like its gonna be the last one before everyone gets sick of her and her career ends forever#she sells like its the end of the world. mulling. whatever#if she drops another fucking varant then this post means nothing#this is maybe the most interesting headspace that taylor has ever been in during an album cycle and i hope it gets less interesting soon bc#honestly i am a little worried for her#and also a little sick of her shit. She needs to get out of the eras tour/career second wind bubble that shes been in for like 3 years now#im glad that leaving bmr means shes not trapped in the strict 2 year album to tour cycle that she was in technically until rep#but actually until the pandemic forced her to stop bc rep was 2017 tour was 2018 and lover was 2019 w loverfest being 2020#but i hope she knows that that doesnt just mean dropping multiple projects a year but also...not dropping anything for a bit#chilling...taking a breath...mb honing her directing skills on other artists MVs or short films before diving into a full feature projects#working on stuff and not releasing it. writing for other people. Enjoying a beautiful sunset etc#i just want her to enjoy life when she isnt charting#i always make a very simple post and then go crazy in the tags like this could just also be a post. alas
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why does everything have to be a hecking issue with my sister
#she keeps getting on my case about the Theatre Boy thing which I would just like to hecking leave in the past#she keeps getting on my case bc I wear short shorts and spaghetti strap tank tops AROUND THE HOUSE AS LOUNGE CLOTHES#she's like DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT MODESTY and I'm like YOU WALK AROUND IN SHORTS AND A SPORTS BRA ALL THE TIME#(possibly bc I thought I could get away with wearing lounge clothes with a long shawl thing overtop the other day to worship practice#but I did in fact change my trousers after my mama pointed out that it wasn't super modest)#she keeps making comments about how I do inappropriate stuff on my phone bc I... watch one(1) sitcom?????#shows like that are IRREVERENT AS HECK like come on of course I'm not going to be totally open with my kid sister about them#I am an ADULT I can make my own choices about what content I will put up with in media#I can make my own choices about clothing if I think my mom's idea of ''anything more than an inch above the knee#is immodest'' is silly and restrictive for my body shape and comfort level personally#like... why does she have to act so high and mighty around me? she's in MIDDLE SCHOOL and I know I haven't always been the nicest to her#but I'm making the effort. I'm trying to get along with her and what I get is disdain on the daily in return :/#our mom said it's probably bc she was hoping I wouldn't move back in so she'd have our room to herself and now she's mad#that I'm back bc she has to share a space again and like I KNOW middle school ages SUCK I've BEEN THERE#but still I just. want to get along. but she picks on me and then I get frustrated and then I snap at her and it just doesn't end well#it's a nasty cycle tbh. I'm praying about it.#Lu rambles#personal#delete later
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seagullcharmer Ā· 30 days ago
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the more i think abt my silly crossover fic the more i find issues with it..... like. i just wanted to play with a few characters (ha. ha. there were 12) but i keep struggling with it. i don't have a good fit for a time player. but luka is there. i could shove him in. but then i'd have to rearrange things. and i might just rearrange things anyway! maybe it's different sessions that have to come together like the kids and trolls! maybe the ladybug team is the only one with a decent enough seed to sprout a new universe (being the only group with a space player and a time player) and they have to find a way to get the other sessions together. idk! idk!!!
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stillfruit Ā· 2 months ago
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i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!
#i know i'm being dramatic and privileged etc etc right now but i hate living like this#i probably had covid in the beginning of august and since then my heart and lungs have just been fucked#so now i'm probably looking at at least 2 years of long covid and maybe permanent neurological damage#could i be lucky and get better in few more months? maybe. do i believe that will happen? no. optimistically maybe next summer id be better#my symptoms are not that bad considering what i know other people have suffered but at the same time that makes it feel not real#otherwise i'm pretty much fine except i feel like fainting alot after standing up or excerting myself and anything beyond walking#spikes my hr to 160 and right now even laying down my hr is around 80. this comes with the associated shortness of breath etc#what fucks me up about this is that my normal hr is low with my rhr being under 50bpm and i'm physically active#so basically i've went from regular running and half marathons being no issue to not being able to jog 1km at the slowest pace possible#without spiking my hr to zone 4#so now with the recovery time of this being however long if properly ever i'll have to basically start all over again with everything#i biked to the grocery store yesterday and that took me out for the rest of the day because my heart rate just didn't go down afterwards#outwards i look fine and i wouldn't be as affected if sports and moving wasn't a part of my life and relationships but it is#i've read studies about recovery times and a lot of them don't feel applicable because the test groups are either very different from me#based on the baseline health info such as activity levels or they're elite atheletes which i am not#some have given me hope that keeping my hr under like 130 by doing activities like walking until maybe someday things get better works#but who knows and even if it does this will be yet another thing that takes the littlest bits of muscle tissue i have on me away once again#because besides deconditioning muscle loss is yet another symptom. so i will be even weaker than i am right now#i don't know how much of what i'm experiencing in terms of mental effects is from anxiety over my physical health and how much is brainfog#but we'll see i'll just have to start walking a lot every day and keep up with simple and slow strenght training so i'll want to die less#i don't think my family will ever properly understand because almost all of them are athletes and the one who isn't never does any excercis#so either i just look like i'm weak but i was always weak so it's not a big deal or my experience isn't really that important#this is so so so pathetic both my reaction and the issue but it's difficult to not feel this way especially with the uncertainty#shit talking
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