#So people stop bothering me with shite like this

[vashtijoy]

Hi! Pre-emptive sorry for the long ask- I don't know if you've answered this before but I was scrolling through your blog and in one of your posts you note that the brief bit we see of Akira's hometown has high rise buildings, which implies it's a city. I could've sworn there was in game dialogue calling him a country boy though or referencing him being from a rural area? Is there something in the Japanese text to suggest these are meant to be taken as jokes (I.E. protag is from a city, but it's not as big as Tokyo so he's playfully considered 'rural') or is this a case of the game devs simply not considering what buildings they had in the background of that scene?

Hello! First of all, I think it's insanely unlikely that the game devs just forgot Joker was meant to be from a shack on top of a mountain and accidentally put him in a city. Maybe they didn't have time to design a farm and shoved him in a random cityscape instead? Well, maybe. I would at least have pasted in a couple more trees.

So what do we know about this?

Sojiro calls Joker 田舎もん inakamon, short for 田舎者 inakamono—someone from the countryside; someone provincial. This is what's translated as "country boy", or "country bumpkin". Chihaya uses it about herself, and Chihaya I think is certainly meant to be very rural. The Adorable Woman and Rural Young Man in Shibuya Station use inaka a lot:

His name did not originally use inakamono or similar, by the way—he's the 上京してきた青年 joukyou shite kita seinen, "the young man who's moved to Tokyo". Note the moving-up kanji there, 上, lol—this is not a sideways move, it's a definite move up.

so what is the inaka?

In short, the inaka can be the remote countryside—but it can also just be your hometown, of any description. It can be legit anywhere that isn't Tokyo. Here's Tofugu:

My mouth was hanging open and I know I was being rude, but it was really hard to pull myself together. The woman I was speaking with was from one of the top Japanese Universities. She has had international relationships, traveled the world, and done work that most foreign anime fans would kill to see. Someone with her experiences, to me, should be open-minded about other cultures and lifestyles. Just the same, I can't help but to be bothered by what she said: "I feel like anything outside Tokyo's 23 wards is inaka." [...] Often, people usually just use what they read in the dictionary, but I learned fast that "countryside" in American English is much different than in Japanese English. For me, countryside means farms. Countryside is driving to see your closest neighbor, riding tractors for work and pleasure, and being able to immediately tell who's from your town just by looking at them. When I say this to Japanese people and ask them to explain inaka, the joke is always the same: "Inaka is anything outside of Tokyo." Osaka and Kyoto, for many, aren't inaka, but Sapporo, which is one of the few parts of the country where this legendary thing called "insulated housing" exists, is inaka. [...] So you might be wondering how "bad" it really is out here. Truthfully, I'm living in a city, at least by American standards. Great bus and train systems, tons of malls and movie theaters, some of the major stores people visit Tokyo to see, game centers, golfing… and a few rice paddies. Not many, but there are some. Imagine a fashionable mall, famous manga store, well-respected school with a strong baseball team, and major supermarket, all within walking distance, with maybe one field of rice. Honestly, the place is so city that I don't think I would willingly eat any rice that grew in that field. I swear, it's in front of a bus stop.

So, tl;dr: if you aren't in Tokyo, Osaka or Kyoto, you're probably in the inaka—at least to someone's mind. You can be somewhere that looks to us in every way like a city, and be in the inaka. And if you pick up sticks and move to Tokyo? Then you have a good chance of being jibed about being a "country boy".

so what is joker's inaka like?

[Joker] 田舎に帰りたい inaka ni kaeritai I miss the country... [lit. I want to go back to the inaka.] Ryuji ハハ、都会の洗礼ってか? haha, tokai no senrei tte ka? Hah. Not used to the big city yet, huh? [lit. Haha, so this is your first time in the city?]

We don't get a huge amount of detail in-game about Joker's home. Besides Sojiro's "country boy", Ryuji has a couple of comments. Here's another:

Ryuji あれ? お前ン家ってわりと田舎? are? omae n uchi tte wari to inaka? Wait a sec, your hometown isn't near the countryside, is it? [lit. isn't your place relatively countrified?] Ryuji いや、大自然でランニング練習とか気持ち良さそうだなーって。 iya, daishizen de ranningu renshuu to ka kimochi yasasou da naa tte I was just thinkin' it'd be great to run an' train somewhere out where it's all big, naturey open space. [lit. no, I thought it seemed like it'd feel great to train in the great outdoors and stuff.]

(I think something may be off here with that translation of daishizen, which seems to connote "the great outdoors", "a vast wilderness", etc, as well as just meaning "nature" (the sort you get out into) more generally". The word has been split up as if Ryuji was just saying "big nature" for some reason, like if you thought "the great outdoors" meant "the outdoors is great :D".)

But we can see from Ryuji's statement that Joker's home is wari to inaka, "relatively countrified", "kind of countrified"—it's more the country than Tokyo is, but it's probably not the ass end of nowhere, either. It's somewhere Ryuji pictures getting out into nature—but even if that's accurate and not just in Ryuji's city-boy head, that again doesn't connote "ass end of nowhere"; a lot of very built-up places are startlingly close to farmland or to nature, as with the putative rice field at the bus stop that we read about earlier.

the artbook picture

There is, of course, a picture of Joker's home in the artbook:

That doesn't scream "rural" to me—though it's also not the built-up area we see him in with Shido. It backs onto a cliff, it's very green. It's clearly a row of houses on a street, maybe in a fancy suburb on the edge of the city?

It's a nice house, at any rate. Joker moving into Sojiro's attic, with his clothes in a box, will have been a harsh step down.

Another detail from this image before we move on:

Look at this board. We can make out what it says. We can even, just possibly, make out a town name there...

日立自治会 掲示板 hitachi jichikai keijiban Hitachi Neighbourhood Association noticeboard

自治会 jichikai—neighbourhood associations. As you'd expect, they tend to be organised at the very local level—so Hitachi is likely to be a small district within a larger city, rather than (say) the city of Hitachi in Ibaraki Prefecture.

his city has a name guys i can't believe it lmao

the coup de grace

But there's one question I think really puts the nail in the coffin here: WTF was Shido doing in the middle of nowhere?

It's totally plausible that Joker came from a remote farm in the country, or a tiny village in far northern Honshu. But what is there in that to attract Shido? Like... Shido seems kind of an indoor guy, y'know?

He goes where his business is. He goes where the money is. It's difficult for me to picture him going to random rural areas with nobody to schmooze, with what I'm sure he'd consider to be poor facilities and shitty hotels.

Even if he did stoop to visit somewhere like that, by the time he was on his off hours getting pissed (in both senses) and attacking women, wouldn't he have gone back to civilisation?—back to the city?

conclusion??

This place Joker is wandering after dark doesn't look like The Country. It looks quite built up. I'd say it's the centre of a regional city or large town—with those nice houses we just looked at set off in suburbs along its edge. Look at this place:

It really does look like a less cramped version of Yongen-jaya, down to the trees. I don't think they spent too long on this area, but I also don't think it's inaccurate.

By the way, that "Hometown Neighbourhood" was originally 実家近くの住宅地 jikka chikaku no juutakuchi—"residential area near home". So this is not where Joker lived with his parents; it's an area close by. Like he says, he's on his way home late.

Where was he? We never find out. He has what looks like a school bag, well before his nasty crime days. Maybe he was visiting a friend we never hear about again. Maybe he was at cram school. But he's gone to this built-up part of town to do something there.

My guess would be that he lived in some prefectural capital or other. That's why Shido is there. I'd also guess that it's one of the Kanto prefectures, since the further you go from Tokyo, the less likely it becomes that Joker would have been sent to Tokyo for his probation, whether Sojiro was a friend of a friend or not.

As ever, all of this is for information only, and if you want to do something else superior in every way, you definitely should. At the end of the day Joker's a silent protagonist player insert, who can be from absolutely anywhere and as gay as you like. Let a thousand Jokers bloom.

revision history

Click here for the latest version.

v1.0 (2024/01/17)—first posted.

[alwaysshallow]

can you please write a little blurb about soap comforting reader after a tough day?? (work’s been kicking my butt lately and i constantly think about johnny comforting me to feel better)

You are quiet as possible, when you're searching for any candies in your kitchen counters, trying with all your power to not break apart. It's been a rough couple of days, and what's more to it, you're just tired with life; if you wouldn't be needed anywhere, you'd honestly wrap yourself around a blanket to protect yourself from world.

But you can't do that, and it makes you even more mad, it makes you feel like you burned out in absolutely everything. What's even worse? You, trying to act like everything's okay right in front of your boyfriend for a couple of days.

Either he believes you, or he just decides that you're gonna tell him in the right time, but you're thankful for that anyway; you feel like he has more important things to do than worrying about you having a mental crisis and being exhausted. He's military after all, he probably would think it's a first world problem and—

"You're tensed up." Soap's voice snaps you back to reality, when he hugs you from behind, his face hidden in your neck.

You fake a chuckle, as you shake your head dissmisively. "I'm alright, it's just—"

"—quit it." he murmurs, kissing your skin which tickles under his lips. "Yer like this for a while. What's wrong, lassie?"

And here it goes.

It's like a breaking point, when he finally asks; one sob does it all for him to turn you around, and hug you tightly, as your head is against his broad chest, when you just tell him what is wrong. How everything overwhelms you, how you don't have time for anything you like, how people makes you want to crawl in your bed and never leave.

Comes on him like a tsunami wave, and you suddenly feel bad for making him worry about you. He seems to see right through you, when he pats your back a few times to get your attention.

"What are ya thinkin' bout?"

"How I'm overwhelming you. You have bigger problems, and I—"

"—None of that overthinkin' shite, aye? Look at me." he whispers, his forehead against yours. "You don't overwhelm me, at all. Yer just tellin' me what's been a bother, and that's good. That's why I'm here, yeah? No matter how dumb it sounds to you, I want to know."

"You want to know?"

"Everythin'. Includin' that Cassidy bitch."

He says it with such seriousness that it makes you laugh, and he laughs too, automatically.

"Ain't that hard, eh? And now, we're gonna go to bed, watch some movies, and cuddle."

And it is this way. You pick your favorite romcom, and his arm is around you; it feels like a shield from anything bad that happened to you recently.

His mouth doesn't stop commenting, but you think it's just an excuse, so you could shut up him with a kiss once in a while.

When you do? When you do, he laughs into your lips, and brings you even closer, nuzzling into you like into his favorite blanket.

And, somehow, he makes everything alright.

A/N: i hope everything's gonna be alright, baby!!

[rileyslibrary]

Living With Ghosts: 8. GOON LAD

You’ve been fiddling with that folded paper for two days now. You should read it and put an end to your agony for good. Just get it out of the way. Read what he has to say.

Relationship: Simon “Ghost” Riley x F!Reader

Word Count: 1,170

Notes:

You know what?? Here, *throws the chapter at you* take it! You can have it! I can’t keep it to myself anymore. As for the final chapter, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait till…you’ll see.

Don’t bother reading this if you haven’t kept up with the story. You’ll waste your time.

Fluff.

Entire work on AO3

Table of Contents

———————————————————————

“He’s not coming, kid.”

“I don’t believe you, Captain,” you murmur as you look out the Embassy’s window, “he can’t just vanish like that.”

“Denial doesn’t help, my dear.” He stands behind you, his thumbs holding the straps of his tactical vest. You can see his reflection through the window; he appears calm, but you can tell that the recent events have taken him aback. Price also had a close relationship with Laswell, and the realisation was just as devastating for him as it was for you.

“I know Simon,” he adds, “and this is what he does: he gets recruited, does the job, and then disappears until the next time his services are required.”

What are you supposed to do now? Wait till the next time he gets hired? When, if ever, will this happen again? You can’t wish misfortune upon the world for the probability of seeing him.

“At least you have that note,” he cheerfully adds, pointing at the folded paper in your hands, “maybe it can give you some closure.”

“I haven’t looked at it yet,” you mutter, staring at it.

“I know.” He nods his head.

“I’m scared to do so.”

“I know,” he repeats.

So, this is what he does, huh? Of course, you should have known—No! You already knew! What were you thinking, falling in love with a wild animal? People like him can’t—and shouldn’t—be tamed. On the contrary, they live a solitary life, ready to die without leaving anyone behind to mourn them.

You stupid idiot, you hopeless romantic fool. Why can’t you find someone with a regular 9-to-5 job, a 401(k), and life insurance—not a death sentence? Someone who will come home exhausted from crunching numbers, not bones. Someone who, on the weekends, will clean his car on the porch instead of his assault rifle.

Why can’t you find someone normal?

You take a look around. Price has left the room, leaving you to your own devices.

As much as you hate admitting it, he is right. You’ve been fiddling with that folded paper for two days now. You should read it and put an end to your agony for good. Just get it out of the way. Read what he has to say.

You begin to pace around the empty room with the note in your hands, trying to build up the courage to read it. Do it and then throw it away—burn it if necessary.

But you’re scared. Two days ago, you used to live together, sharing the same space, using the same cutlery, and breathing the same air. Now, this piece of paper is the only thing connecting you two.

Fuck! Just stop procrastinating and read the fucking letter already.

You return to the window, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. What’s the worst that can happen?

You unfold the piece of paper, look down and begin to read:

kid,

i’m writing this in a hurry, so i apologise for the mistakes you might find along the way.

first of all, that experimental lasagna you did on the 20th of february was shite, i thought you should know. never do that again—you might kill someone.

other than that, Very few words can Express my Never-ending and Immense appreciation for your Caring and Exciting personality.

call me a GOON LAD if you wish, but i hope that one day we will meet again under normal circumstances—when everyone will wear a mask but you and i.

lt.

And, as the sun shines through the window and bathes you with its rays and warmth, you remember him—his embrace, his scent, his words.

“There can’t be any “us”, love, not in this place.”

You break out laughing. Laughter turns into tears, then giggles then sobs again. You place your hand over your mouth, muffling any audible reaction as you study the letter again.

See, if it had been any other person—a normal one—they would have viewed that letter as a tribute to your relationship during the past few months.

But you’re not normal, are you?

No, you’re a CIA agent. And, while you may lack some basic combat training, you have other skills; decoding encrypted messages was one of them, for example. An ability of yours that Simon was well aware of.

You scan the note again, your gaze bouncing from letter to letter, word to word, sentence to sentence. You grab a blank piece of paper and sit on the ground, placing the letter in front of you. It’s time to put your mind to work.

“i apologise for the mistakes you might find along the way.” He’s implying that you will find mistakes in the letter. Perhaps he even insinuates that you shouldn’t ignore them. He wants you to find them.

“that experimental lasagna you did on the 20th of february was shite.” You first met him in September. In February, he was a stranger to you. Unless he’s referring to the 20th of February next year—it’s a meet-up.

“Very few words can Express my Never-ending and Immense appreciation for your Caring and Exciting personality.” That is the only sentence in which letters are in title case. It appears to be a backronym—a reverse acronym. Very, Express, Never-ending, Immense, Caring, Exciting. VENICE.

“call me a GOON LAD.” GOON LAD is in capital letters. It must be an anagram of some sort. You begin writing any seven-letter gibberish that comes to mind, attempting to find the one he insinuates. Was it GANLOOD? LOODGAN? No, these are not words. What about DONGOLA? No! What does Sudan have to do with Venice? Think Venice, think Venice... GONDOLA—“call me a gondola.”

“when everyone will wear a mask but you and i.”Masks; the carnival. He’s talking about the Venice Carnival.

“Call for a gondola on the 20th of February at the Venice Carnival.”

You run to the other room where the Captain is. He looks at you with a smirk hidden beneath his thick moustache.

“Read the letter, I see?” He says with raised eyebrows.

“You knew?!” You look at him in disbelief, eyes wide open.

“He told me about you; claimed you’re equally as bright as a pain in the ass.” He shrugs.

“I have to leave!” You scream, unable to contain your excitement.

“Darling, it’s December,” he laughs, “and you have to stay here for a few more weeks till things settle down. Don’t forget that you, too, have a bounty on your head.”

You sigh and slouch in frustration. “What should we do until then?” You ask.

“How about some tea to begin with?” He suggests.

“Ah! A cuppa!” You imitate the British accent with which you used to tease him.

He chuckles. “I never thought I’d see the light of day for when Riley would fall for someone,” he says as he fills the kettle with water. “That lad is, indeed, a goon.”

———————————————————————

Final ->

[can-of-w0rmz]

@shotofstress

When I tell you I read this I saw it and I WHEEZED I was in TEARS and I shouldn’t be bothered arguing about it but quite frankly I’m trying to procrastinate anyway and I’ve had a god awful week and need to take out my frustrations somehow, ergo, I’m going be petty not because this person disagrees with my reading of the novel, but because they implied that in reading queer or neurodivergent elements in a work, people “can’t see the important themes that the novel is about” which actually does piss me off a fair bit

Right so first before we argue we’ve got to decipher because English apparently isn’t this person’s forte for someone who is, apparently, such an avid reader and esteemed critic of English literature. Also I just realised I haven’t really provided any context here so apologies this was in response to that joke post I made about mischaracterising Frankenstein adaptations (again yes the pettiness is not lost on me but I’m embracing it anyway)

“He is not gay nor autistic” cheers this person disagrees that Victor Frankenstein is either gay or autistic. To each their own. Wonder what kind of backup they’ll have for that argument.

“Pls stop seen representation of us everyone bc u can’t make the difference,” Right so this is where we get confusing, I’m going to take a wild guess and I think they’re trying to say “please stop seeing representation of us everywhere because you can’t make the difference”, and I still don’t know what “make the difference” means, but we’ll go with it.

“read nothing new”, alright so they’re saying people who see representation everywhere read nothing new, and then the kicker that’s kind of the only reason I decided to respond to this anyway, “nor really see the important themes that the novel is about.”

First off, “stop seeing representation of us everywhere”, let it be known that as I make a hundred jokes about Victor Frankenstein being homosexual, I myself am thoroughly through and through without a doubt bisexual as the days are long. Absolutely love men. Also adore women equally. So no, I am not a Disney corporate executive trying to squeeze in as many queers as possible for the entire purpose of using the fact they have representation in media to excuse the fact it’s a shite film but also, not trying to revisit every old piece of media to squeeze representation where it doesn’t really fit or make sense just for shits and giggles. (Also just saying, you made this comment on Tumblr. So even if I was just going haywire with lgbt headcanons on my favourite media with no real backup, who gives a shit? Who actually gives a flying fuck? I don’t. Let people live, man. It doesn’t mean they don’t understand the source material just because they’re having fun and playing loose with it. It’s Tumblr, not a Netflix adaptation. Let people do whatever they want and have fun with it. It’s cool.)

But like I said, I do have backup and a lot of it so let’s get into that, shall we?

First of all, whoo, autism. I’ll be real not really a hill I’m going to die on but the wording you put of “he is not autistic” is just ridiculous because yeah, no, there is a lot of perfectly decent ground to read Victor Frankenstein as autistic and a lot of people do, mostly people who are autistic or otherwise neurodivergent themselves. Just because in the 18th century people didn’t necessarily have the language for things doesn’t mean they didn’t exist, and I mean, now we do. So what’s the harm in using it? They had their own language for things back then, do we have to revert back to speaking in early 19th century English every time we want to refer to a character who was written back then as neurodivergent or lgbt or anything else?? What’s the point in that??

But yeah, Victor Frankenstein. I can’t even be bothered to explain and to be honest every single other person I’ve said “Frankenstein is autistic to” has immediately responded “oh yeah, obviously”, even my father who famously is just hypercritical of all sorts of headcanons just went “oh yeah no for sure the man is definitely autistic no doubt about it”. So instead I’m just going to include some quotes.

My temper was sometimes violent, and my passions vehement; but by some law in my temperature they were turned not towards childish pursuits but to an eager desire to learn, and not to learn all things indiscriminately.

It was my temper to avoid a crowd and to attach myself fervently to a few. I was indifferent, therefore, to my school-fellows in general; but I united myself in the bonds of the closest friendship to one among them.

From this day natural philosophy, and particularly chemistry, in the most comprehensive sense of the term, became nearly my sole occupation.

Two years passed in this manner, during which I paid no visit to Geneva, but was engaged, heart and soul, in the pursuit of some discoveries which I hoped to make. None but those who have experienced them can conceive of the enticements of science. In other studies you go as far as others have gone before you, and there is nothing more to know; but in a scientific pursuit there is continual food for discovery and wonder.

Like I said, self explanatory. It’s harder to come up with an argument for why he isn’t autistic than why he is, and frankly, what’s the harm in reading him that way? It doesn’t really change anything about the plot or themes, and his character doesn’t change. It’s just a very probable diagnosis for said qualities. It doesn’t change them, whether you use that word or not. The concept of autism was coined in 1911 anyway, so its not like Mary Shelley’s going to be sat at her writing desk in 1817 writing in big bold letters “BY THE WAY, FRANKENSTEIN HAD AN AUTISM DIAGNOSIS.” It doesn’t change the fact that people still had autism back then, just because the term wasn’t discovered yet. Anyway.

Now, second bit. “He isn’t gay” – now, if you read Frankenstein and thought “ah yes, this man seems perfectly heterosexual to me”, then honestly, sure. Go ahead. But to say that reading Victor Frankenstein as queer in any way means that people “don’t understand the important themes of the novel” is completely bloody ridiculous because, again, there is astronomical ground to read him that way.

Victor Frankenstein never really shows interest in any women in the novel, except for Elizabeth, who he has been raised, since he was five years old, to see as his “gift” and was told by his mother since he was a very young child that he was going to marry her – to the point where his mother, on her deathbed, tells both Victor and Liz: “My firmest hopes of future happiness were placed on the prospect of your union. This expectation will now be the consolation of your father.” Also, they’re cousins/adopted siblings. If you don’t think that’s fucked up, even by the standards of the time, I’m not really sure what to say to you. Of course he married her. And before he married her, he generally expresses very little romantic interest in her bar just expressing as much affection as you would a close friend or sister, or seeing her as his “gift” who he “has to be wed to”. Read any other story from this time period, in this genre, and you will not be remotely questioning whether they’re actually attracted to each-other or not. In fact, here’s an excerpt from The Vampyre, another book born from the same trip to Geneva that Frankenstein was, by John William Polidori, about the protagonist’s love interest:

And that’s only part of it. So. Yeah. Victor’s lack of romantic affection for Elizabeth is not “a product of its time” nor “a product of its genre.” And The Vampyre is a short story.

And so you may be saying, “well, just because Victor doesn’t show any interest in women doesn’t necessarily make him gay”, and yeah, true that (ace and bi Vic hcs y’all are valid) but there is very good basis to take the reading that he is attracted to men.

For one thing, just the fact that he’s so particular about creating “the perfect man” is subject to a lot of queer readings in itself, but let’s be real here, you all know me enough by now to know that I just want an excuse to rant about Clerval and Frankenstein. And rant about them I shall.

First, I’m lazy, so here’s an excerpt from one of my previous essays I’ve written that I’ve never posted everywhere on Frankenstein in general:

Just as The Creature is Victor’s narrative foil, so is Clerval. He's equally ambitious and fascinated with the secrets of life, however he’s healthy with how he goes about it and healthy with how he keeps the balance between taking care of himself and pursuing his dreams, while Victor goes over the edge and neglects himself and his sense of morality to complete what he set out to do. He's supposed to represent the ideals of gothic romanticism in Victor and he's supposed to be his anchor and support, (something the Creature doesn't have), caring for Victor during his illness, (“reanimating” him, almost, once again showing that comparison between both Victor and Henry, as Henry “reanimates” Victor with compassion and cares for him after, and Victor reanimates The Creature in a haze of obsession and mania and immediately abandons him, showing what Victor could have been), and constantly accompanying and being sympathetic and empathetic towards him. I also find it very interesting how he does also seem to have those darker aspects to him, lying to Victor’s family about the extent of his illness and caring for Victor in his apartment despite the fact that, for all he knew, from the evidence lying around his workspace and Victor’s feverish rambling, he very well could have murdered someone, and Clerval chooses not to press him on the issue and instead to intentionally help Victor cover it up. The fact that Clerval exhibits these traits only makes Victor’s own downfall all the more tragic when we consider that it likely very much isn’t a stretch to imagine that Clerval, too, likely exhibits a lot of the same morbid curiosity as Victor; he isn’t a superhuman figure with purely positive attributes who is completely far removed from Victor’s situation, the only difference is that Clerval chooses to prioritise his own sense of morality over his selfish aims, which only emphasises the point that Victor’s downfall is, ultimately, Victor’s own fault. When Victor "kills" the Creature’s chance of the same support and love (his unfinished bride), the Creature kills Henry and sends Victor into a downward spiral of suicidal thoughts and heavy depression because the character that represented that stability, that romanticism, that balance of keeping healthy, is dead, and that throws Victor downward into his inevitable obsession with the monster's destruction and his own death.

On this point, I feel like it’s worth bringing up that a reasonably good case could probably be made regarding a lot of queer subtext in the novel, although I won’t rant about it excessively as it obviously isn’t the focus, the theme of love is a very prominent theme as I’ve previously mentioned with The Creature; familial love, platonic love, parental love, romantic love, and I don’t think it’s particularly much of stretch to suggest that Shelley, intentionally or unintentionally, might have added a lot more romantic subtext than given credit for. Not that it matters particularly narratively speaking what kind of love is portrayed, but in reference specifically to Clerval and the Ingolstadt chapters there’s a very good argument to be made regarding Shelley’s poor relationship with her own husband and how she may have projected a lot of her wish for that kind of care and sympathy into his character, perhaps not taking into account, or perhaps she did, how it would come across – author intentions are mostly lost with time and we’ll ultimately never know for sure, but even for the standards of the late 18th century when the novel was set and the early 19th century when it was written, “I desire the company of a man who could sympathise with me, whose eyes would reply to mine. You may deem me romantic,” and “your form so divinely wrought, and beaming with beauty, has decayed, but your spirit still visits and consoles your unhappy friend,” probably weren’t standard platonic sentiments.

And honestly on that essay excerpt, that still sums my thoughts on that subject up pretty much perfectly. After all, a character in a book talking about his best friend going “I loved him with a mixture of reverence and affection that knew no bounds” as well said best friend tenderly nursing him back to health, and the character talking about how his body is “divinely wrought and beaming with beauty” and gently pressing his hand and referring to him constantly as “my dearest”, “my dear” and “my beloved”, while living together and travelling together and talking about how his voice “soothes” him and “cheats (him) into a transitory peace”, pretty gay!

And yes, before anyone says a single thing, if it wasn’t already obvious from the essay excerpt, I do understand “the important themes the novel is about”. I do understand that there are more themes and characters and subject matter, and more than that, I bloody love it! Because this is one of my favourite novels! Of-fucking-course I’m invested in it on a deeper level than “ooOoooh what classical literature characters can I RUIN with my gay agenda today!” But you commented this on a joke post, a joke post, again, on Tumblr. No harm but Jesus Christ if there is a singular platform I can go on and just post stupid bullshit about two book characters from 200 years ago being soft and gay without having to justify that yes, I did in fact read the book, and shock horror yes, I do know that there are other themes, it’s bloody Tumblr. (Absolutely love you lot btw especially all my lovely fantastic incredible mutuals all your takes and readings and art is 👌✨ chef’s kiss)

Oh and by the way, op, I noticed you reblogged this:

And to be honest if I had to say any take or reading was a misunderstanding of the text, it’d be that one (as well as “Victor is sexist for cutting women out of the creation process” takes – Christ that’s just gross. And feels mildly if not explicitly homophobic.)

So just for shits and giggles to counter that argument, here’s another excerpt from the same older essay as before:

Speaking of Hugo, it is rather interesting how many adaptations and literary criticisms seem to go down the route of the Hunchback of Notre Dame moral of “who is the monster and who is the man?”, suggesting that Victor is the “true monster” of the narrative. And, as much as I am a decent Victor Hugo fan, (I’m over 50% through Les Misérables, have you seen the size of that book? I’d have to be), in reality the point of the story is that neither Creator nor Creation are more monster nor man than the other – Victor mutilates corpses and brings the creature to life, and allows Justine to be executed without owning up to his actions, and The Creature murders a child and a multitude of other innocent people, Clerval and Elizabeth who had nothing to do with anything and Ernest left completely alone with his entire family dead. We can’t acknowledge The Creature’s sympathetic qualities without also acknowledging Victor’s, and regardless, sympathetic motivations don’t make up for immoral actions.

Also this meme, which I can’t for the absolute life of me remember who posted it originally I’m sorry I use it all the time in GCs whoever it was you’re so valid:

[saintsenara]

you're like the only person i've seen on here from northern ireland who actually loves northern ireland - what do you think makes it so great? (really sorry if this seems rude, i'm just interested in how the opinions can be so wildly different)

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

my online presence as a northern ireland stan account is mainly caused by holding the following opinion:

it is an unfortunate truth that the moment you are clocked in most other places in the anglophone world as being northern irish [usually after having been compelled to say the word "how"], people like to offer you their views on the place.

these views aren't always negative, but they always - especially if they come from people who consider themselves part of the irish diaspora [and my st patrick's day sermon to you all is "irish-americans, learn to stay in your lane"] - relate to a northern ireland which doesn't actually exist. people might cast us as uncivilised fools living in a 1970s time-capsule of unrelenting violence, they might cast us as a great bunch of lads bouncing around feeling the derry girls fantasy, but they never care very much about the actual experience of living here in 2024.

and - indeed - the experience of choosing to live here. i like ni because i was born here, and so all of the formative experiences of my early life took place while drinking a tin in some field or other, but it's also somewhere i have returned to, after having gone to university and begun my medical training in england.

and this is an aspect of irish life which doesn't have a huge presence in the way we think and talk about irishness. so much irish history is bound up in migration - in leaving the motherland and longing for it from afar - and in the diaspora experience that we rarely think about the fact that people have always and will always come to ireland. people - whether returning here or coming to study or coming to live forever or coming to live until they too can return home - choose every day to put down roots in northern ireland, despite all its faults and its flaws.

and it bothers me that this is constantly forgotten in all the giving out we all do about the place.

because - yes - this is a country which is fucked up in a huge number of ways. our politics is corrupt and nonsensical even when up against the bin fire which is the rest of the united kingdom. our people are beset by poverty and deprivation [and i will of course acknowledge that i am someone who lives here with a well-paid, stable job]. our sectarian wound is still bleeding, heavily. we have not seen justice for the atrocities perpetuated against us by the british state during the troubles, nor for the atrocities we perpetuated against our own at the same time. we have not learned from our own experiences of discrimination when it comes to discriminating against people who live here who are not white, who are not christian, or who are immigrants. it rains for a good three quarters of the year.

but as i grow older, i find i have less and less time both for pure and grinding cynicism in the face of this situation and for the conviction that the grass might be greener somewhere else. i think this latter is a particular issue in the irish national character - a sort of "ah well, things are shite and they'd only be better if x happened". in the north, i think we're especially beset by this - "the country can't improve until there's a united ireland" [or, if you're on the other side, "the country can't improve until the fenians stop complaining"].

but we have a lot to be proud of and a lot to be hopeful for as we keep going.

because northern ireland is also a place whose history is about peace as much as it is about war. it's the birthplace of the best member of girls aloud. it's somewhere people have mobilised only recently for pay and working conditions on a par with the rest of the uk, and will keep mobilising until we win. it's introduced the world to the fact that protestants keep toasters in cupboards. it's a place whose own fight for reproductive justice has rather flown under the radar in comparison to that of the republic of ireland, but which is no less active. it's a place where it's perfectly acceptable to be served apple and mars bar sandwiches at a funeral [provided the deceased was presbyterian]. it's a place where you never have to become invested in the nation's performance in international sporting competitions and can get blind drunk as god intended. it's a place with great patter.

it's a place which has perfected street art... in a sense. it's a place where you can get unusual soft drinks delivered to your door by a sinister figure called the minerals man. it's a place which recognises that balaclavas are chic. it's the only place on earth you can buy fifteens and a cowboy supper, whether or not you actually should do the latter. it's a place where you can turn bomb scares to your advantage by using them as an excuse to swerve parties you didn't want to attend. it's a place whose people have not given up their fight for justice, who still grieve and remember the dead and the disappeared. it's a place people travel across the world to make their home and enrich with their presence. it's a place where the quality of life is genuinely improving, and which we can continue to improve if we don't give into the idea that nothing can ever change. it's a cold and rainy little country, filled with nondescript grey housing estates and burned out cars, which also looks like this:

happy st patrick's day.

[imm0rtalbutterfly]

Jealous Of The One Thing I'll Never Get To Have

Date Posted: 9/18/24

Beta read: Kind of?

Summary:

"The sight of their phone on the floor gave Neon some insight, but she wanted to hear it from them. Not the screen. With a shaky breath and a hand running through their hair trying to straighten out the mess of it, they'd begun to speak. “I will never get older.” They said their voice was shaking as they fought the urge to cry again. “Gods this is stupid. I’m sorry.” They watched Neon frown. “It's not stupid. I wanna know, I wanna help.” She gestured for them to keep talking, they wiped their eyes on the sleeve of their shirt." or Clove doom scrolls really bad and has a panic induced breakdown over all these anti aging videos they keep seeing on their phone. Neon finds them sobbing over it.

Other notes: Hyperfixation so strong it threw me headfirst into being a fanfic author again. The author curse is strong but I prevail(die). Enjoy <3

--------------------------

Immortality was fine. Useful, even at the best of times, but mostly it was tedious. They were immortal but not invincible, and  it hurt like hell to get hit, to die, to come back. The very thought that they will not age haunted them for so long, the very idea that they won't get to experience the way their body should naturally deteriorate was almost disappointing, there were of course things they were grateful for like the fact that, Clove could push themselves harder than they should because of it, simply because they could. Their bones would never brittle and their muscles would never snap so long as they took care of themselves. They would be on this earth forever and they would fight for it until they could no longer. Or until they won. 

They truly did hope there was another universe where they would grow old happily. 

Immortality didn’t bother them, not like it used to. What bothered them was everyone else's view on their own mortality. They were so sick of seeing ad after ad for retinol and face cream and wrinkle remover. Why did these people need a “cure” for something as beautiful as seeing the evidence of the life they lived? They were jealous, sitting and seething over someone talking about laugh lines like they were the world's most common evil. They put their phone down with a loud sigh curling up on their bed as they thought about the whole thing. Their mind desperately needed a minute, they didn’t even know how they got down this rabbit hole. They were watching someone make some new recipe they found and then they were here, scrolling for hours, retinol, anti aging medley, manifestation to live longer, anti aging diet. Fuck. Every single thing ran through their brain at once; they felt like they were going to explode. They were going to live. Forever. They would watch all of their friends grow old and die and maybe even that was too much to hope for. One wrong move on a mission and they could be burying their best friend the next morning like it was a completely normal thing to have to do. 

Clove didn't notice when they’d started crying, wiping furiously at their face trying to stop it, the tears kept coming, eventually turning into heaving sobs as they fell to pieces  on their bed feeling like a blubbering child crying over something they felt was so stupid. They could see their face in the mirror across their bed puffy, red, miserable. A face they would see forever in the mirror and it only made it worse. Their misery was quick to turn to anger. Without thinking they hurled the heaviest thing they could reach at the mirror, it shattered on impact with the force they threw it with. 

“Ah shite.” they muttered moving from their bed to the floor to pick up the pieces. Enraptured in the task they didn't hear Neon come up to the door, knock and call out their name. They felt the smaller  pieces of glass digging into their knees through their leggings felt the small cuts on their hands as they picked up the pieces of the mirror they’d broken. They felt like they broke part of themself in the process in a way. They didn't register the sound of the door clicking open and latching shut. They were too focused on cleaning their mess. Until Neon knelt to their level and started sweeping up the bigger pieces into a pan throwing it into a trashcan in the corner. She didn't speak. Didn’t need to, there was nothing she could say that could make this better. 

When she noticed Clove’s bleeding knees she sat them on the bed, grabbed a first aid kit and carefully worked to pull out whatever pieces got lodged in the skin. Neon didn’t scold them, didn't chastise them for being reckless with the glass and Clove didn’t speak, the tears in their eyes never fell. Their mind was simply too loud. A dull static filled by the sounds of everything they saw. When Neon had finished bandaging up their knees she pulled them into her lap, careful of the scrapes on their hands. She took another rag gently cleaning off their hands. Even still said nothing, tossing the rag into the hamper nearby, Neon simply held them, her hands gently running through their hair. She took the clips out of their hair, placing them on the nightstand and it was so gentle Clove thought they’d start sobbing again over the softness of it all. 

“Clove?” Neon’s voice shook them back out of their thoughts, and they realized that they had in fact begun to cry again. “What's wrong ang sweet ko?” When Cove said nothing, simply holding onto her shirt like it was a life saver and they were a drowning man, she said again. “matamis na bagay, what's going through your head?” It took them a few moments to finally say a word and Neon sat patiently waiting for them to be ready. The sight of their phone on the floor gave her some insight, but she wanted to hear it from them. Not the screen. With a shaky breath and a hand running through their hair trying to straighten out the mess of it, they'd begun to speak. “I will never get older.” They said their voice was shaking as they fought the urge to cry again. “Gods this is stupid. I’m sorry.” They watched Neon frown. “It's not stupid. I wanna know, I wanna help.” She gestured for them to keep talking, they wiped their eyes on the sleeve of their shirt.

“I don't even know what happened.” They said, they wrapped their arms around their knees bringing them up to their chest. Their phone was still on the floor next to the little figurine they’d thrown at the mirror. “You’re my.. friend, and you're upset. Take your time, I’m here when you want to talk.” Neon said softly, brushing their hair out of their face and wiping a tear from their eye. 

“You're a really good friend Tala.” Clove didn’t miss the little smile she gave them at the sound of her real name. When it came to her there wasn’t a lot that they did miss. “These people are so angry about the fact that they're getting older. All those stupid, useless creams and serums all to what? Fill in a wrinkle? It's stupid. They're so obsessed with how they look and how they age. I’ll never get that.” they said, feeling a little like a spoiled child pouting over a toy they didn't get to have. 

“Everyone I love will die and there's nothing I can do to stop it.” They said their voice trailing into more of a whisper than anything. That jealous rage had long subsided and all they felt was misery and that ugly sort of grief that comes from mourning someone who hasn't yet died. 

Neon listened patiently, a stark contrast to her normal demeanor, she was still as she sat in their bed, the only movement coming when Clove jumped up to hug her tightly. She held them for a long time, the two residing in silence, as they often did. Neither of them expected anything from the other, they just happened to gravitate to each other, finding themselves after missions, patching up little wounds that were too small to bother Sage with, and falling asleep in one or the other ones beds. There wasn’t a word for what it was, and there never could be. Clove wouldn’t let it happen, and Neon respected that. The routine had become so ingrained in them that it felt weird to go without it. 

Neon ran her fingers through Clove's hair until she drifted off to sleep. They removed their rings fidgeting with them for a moment before placing them down. Once assured that she was well and truly sleeping she leant up and placed a soft kiss to her cheek.

 “I’m sorry I cannot love you the way you deserve. But I really do love you Tala.” They said leaning their head back down where it was and letting themself drift off. The original thing that upset them had long gone, replaced with an emotion they were unfamiliar with but they didn’t dwell on it. The last thing they felt before they too were asleep was Neon waking for a moment to kiss the top of their head and they both fell asleep. 

[theliterarywolf]

Honestly, i see a lot of the "critical of mainstream media" people who complain about Disney and big studio movies and stuff... continue to not watch anything more indie or small, just hype up stuff by other big studios as ultra counterculture stuff.

Like when the Mario movie was coming out and people were saying stuff on twitter like: "oh, the critics are being harsh because it's japanese and smaller than Pixar, boohoo." (Even ignoring how it's a NINTENDO adaptation, Illumination is pretty much the second highest grossing animated studio in the USA i think. People forget how much money those Minions movies made!) Or people presenting the Barbie movie as something ultra counterculture against disney instead of a just a big brand movie that will be funny and sassy but probably not be the deepest thing ever.

I'm not even presenting myself as a person that is all that better than them, i love cartoons and anime but haven't watched in full a lot of stuff that isn't very popular, but i also don't complain about all mainstream media in social media every day

AND THAT'S THE FUCKING THING!!!

Do these people really think that studios would get someone who worked on fucking Thor: Love and Thunder (or whatever the fuck that shit was called, I haven't watched an MCU movie since the original Thor) if people didn't keep fucking WATCHING that shit?!

NO!

Do these people think we would live in a world where fucking Velma exists if people didn't keep falling for 'fake, low-effort socially-aware satire that couldn't satirize its way out of a paper bag'?

NO!

Do these people think that (and this example is more for animation but it still relates) Disney would have gone into that streak of same-faced female main-character designs if people didn't keep buying into it and shirking away from any deviation?

NO!

I'm sorry to say this but while, yes, Nepotism is a thing in certain occasions, at what point do consumers of all this shite realize that they are just as much of the problem as the studios who keep pumping it out? When do people realize the toxic, God damn Ouroborus of the mainstream media cycle can only be broken when the fucking snake decides to stop chewing at the rotted remains of its own tail?!

If you want to change the schism in mainstream media, start celebrating the portions that do what you want. Start talking about the Cabinet of Curiosities', the A24 productions, the Kizazi Moto: Generation Fire's... Stop watching and hate-watching all of these shitty remakes of things.

Because, I hate to say it! Especially on a site like this one! But money! Talks! And you're already in the deficit with so many studios catering to foreign markets, so if you're just the type to say 'well, shit already sucks; why bother' Then please do not talk to me! Because I am so God damn sick of reading some of your guys' bad takes on matters of quality and diversity in mainstream media.

[katronautt]

KAT'S 2022 YEAR REVIEW & THANK YOU NOTE

well hello there everyone. i'm not sure if this is still a thing this year because i haven't seen anyone doing this (or i just wasn't tagged in one at all sdjfkfkf) but that won't stop me from writing another year review and saying thank you to my wonderful internet friends!

at the end of last year i finally moved out of my parents house so i've been officially living alone for a whole year now and i'm proud to announce that i still live haha its not easy sometimes and it's hella expensive but i enjoy it nonetheless. i continued decorating and furnishing my apartment and it slowly but surely became my comfy little corner on this earth and im very proud of it :3

i know i said last year sucked and i was hoping for a better one in 2022 but boy oh boy was i wrong lmao

this year was shite. like utter shite. i didn't get a job that i enjoy doing or pays well BUT at least i still have a job lol the job sucks and sometimes i wanna jump out from the 3rd floor window but i managed to make wonderful friends among my colleagues so i'm definitely thankful for that. i only work there for 7 months but i already feel like we've known each for years and they definitely make working there bareable.

this year i also finally get to meet my bff (braincell for life), Ariana (@queenofthefaceless) in person and i am very much grateful for that. i'm sad no more meeting could happen in the rest of the year but maybe in the next one 😉❤

towards the end of the year i started working out again because i gained a little bit of weight and altough i became much more confident this year, it started to bother me so i'm proud of myself for not letting it slide and now i'm mostly focusing on getting my strength back i used to have instead of being the couch potato i was all year lol and one of my new years revolution for 2023 is to eat healthier and work out even more.

and yes i am still not over the fact that you guys putting out those wonderful fics for us for free. you still rock !! 💜💜

next year i will continue to hope for a better job, one that i enjoy and pays better (or at least one of these lol) and to be even more confident and open to new things ( and finding a rich husband 🙏)

ALRIGHTY NOW ONTO THE THANK YOU NOTES:

⭐@queenofthefaceless i still love you bro sm. you rock & i can't wait for another year with you (and your amazing fics)💜

⭐my dearest cee @fuckyeahdindjarin. you started writing for the pedro fandom earlier this year and you decided to start it all with a bang haha. i was hooked on consent after the 2nd chapter and was never let go. your writing is brilliant, my favorite thing is how you can amazingly combine comedy, angst and smut in one chapter in such a kickass way i found myself rereading sentences and conversations just so a chapter would last longer. i loved that series and i cant wat to see what you will bringing into 2023! 💜

⭐ i am so honored to call you my friend kc @avennger. and i'm now so glad that i had the courage of sliding into your dm's and start incoheretnly screaming at you (YOU KNOW AFTER WHICH CHAPTER).. because that started our conversation and i love love love chatting with you and bonding over our disaster saurondriel couple haha. you are one of the most talented writer i've met and you have such great potential i'm honestly in awe. the research and work you put ito your works is absolutely mind-blowing and i hope i'll get to read many many amazing works from you in the future! ily 💜

⭐ @foli-vora foli, you continue to amaze me with your amazing fics and your wonderful and friendly personality. please never change and here's to another year filled with insane horniness towards middle aged man 🥂💜

⭐ i think we can all agree that cristina @pedropascalsx is the nicest and most supportive person on this hellsite right? you always surprise me with the insane amount of goodness you have for the people you care about and you showed nothing but supportiveness and kindness towards me too and for that i am so so grateful. you are a wonderful and talented person and i hope you'll have just as wonderful year in 2023 🥰

⭐ @sirtadcooper ruth, even tho you spent a good amount of 2022 taking a break from tumblr (which i completely understand, believe me) like i said before, i was so happy seeing you back on my dash, you were always so supportive and i hope you won't stop making those amazing edits of yours 😘

⭐@mandosmistress mari, you wonderful, wonderful friend.. i was honored to be your best reader of 2022 very early in the year and here i am hoping to achieve the best reader of 2023 next year just as quckily while we continue our horny brainstorming in the dms because i love doing that with you 🤭💜

⭐@ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa i love and miss our late night (& horny) conversations so much. you are such an amazing and nice person katryn and i hope we get to chat again in the new year! ily 💜

and here's tagging the rest of y'all who i owe my life to because once again your amazing fics give me absolute joy and i know i will never be able to pay it back to you beside the support i'm always trying to give back in reblogs and reviews and promotions and such. here's to you all!! 🥂❤ (i am forever sorry if i missed someone):

@absurdthirst, @the-darklings, @softpedropascal, @write-and-buried, @oonajaeadira, @honestly-shite, @outercrasis, @qveenbvtch, @javier-pena, @toomanystoriessolittletime, @storiesofthefandomlovers, @lellowberry, @frannyzooey, @charnelhouse, @krissology, @juletheghoul, @dincrypt, @f0rever15elf, @the-ginger-hedge-witch, @astroboots, @brandyllyn, @littlemisspascal, @radiowallet, @just-here-for-the-moment, @letterfromvienna, @amywritesthings, @the-scandalorian, @whataperfectwasteoftime, @orcas86, @saintmurd0ck, @demonscantgothere

HERE'S TO 2023!!! 🥂💜

[faofinn]

Day 9 - Oxygen

@mediwhumpmay

Fao’s chest had been bothering him. It definitely wasn’t right, as much as he tried to ignore it. Some virus or another had been floating round as always, the kids bringing god knows what home from school. He’d been suffering with it, the way he always did, but he was trying to push through. He didn’t particularly have a choice, he had to work. At least he wasn’t as busy as he had been in the past. Working up to clinical lead, he’d been doing more admin and taking more responsibilities that way, which meant more time at his desk. That was no bad thing, especially when he felt like shite. 

That didn’t mean he was purely non clinical, and today he’d been picking up the slack of an understaffed service. He’d rushed down the stairs to ED, called down for a consult, and his breath caught in his chest to the point he had to pause at the nurse’s station, trying to ignore the wheeze. 

The cough wasn’t great either, and Fao winced when it started, knowing just how bad he sounded. It didn’t last long, and he paused to push some hair from his face, still leaning against the nurse’s station for a moment longer to pull himself together. 

"Wolfie. Fucking finally." Harrison rounded the corner, shaking his head at Fao. "We paged you lot ages ago."

Fao cleared his throat, huffing at Harrison. “Understaffed.” He said gruffly. “Who am I seeing?”

Harrison narrowed his eyes. "How long have you been sick?"

He rolled his eyes. “I’m fine.”

"You're not. Jamie? Which room is free at the moment?"

“Oh, don’t start, you know what my chest is like.” He said, but didn’t move. “Which patient am I seeing?”

"Yeah, fuck that. Call gensurg again for me? I'm gonna take Fao down to 6." Harrison ignored Fao. 

“Good luck trying to get someone else.” Fao said, but his voice cracked and the coughing started again, undermining him. He could feel the wheeze in his chest, the tightness across his ribs and the lingering pain under his sternum. The coughing itself made him feel dizzy, and he pressed his lips together. 

"Yeah, no.  You're not alright." Harrison moved to support Fao, his arm wrapped around the other man. "Come on, before you end up collapsing."

Fao groaned, leaning into Harrison as the room lurched and his legs gave out from under him. 

"You fucker." Harrison swore, shifting to pick Fao up. "Someone get the doors, please! We're going to resus."

People made space for them, concerned muttering as the resus doors were opened. Jamie, who had appeared not long after Hars originally called for him, found an empty bay, calling the doctor into it. 

"Right then, we all know Fao. Just collapsed, shortness of breath, multiple previous spontaneous pneumos. He decompensates very quickly. I need full obs on him please, and if someone can get the X-ray, that would be great." Harrison called to their team, moving to listen to Fao's chest.

Fao came round quickly, batting at Harrison’s hands on him. “Piss off.” He grumbled. 

"Yeah, lovely. How long has your chest been fucked?"

“Since I was 17?” He tried, but the cough that followed didn’t help him out. 

"Faolan. Don't be a dickhead."

“Ooh, full name.” He teased weakly. “I’ve had some shitty cold since last week an’ I can’t shift the cough.”

"How long have you been wheezing for? Bringing anything up?"

“Last few days? Mostly dry.” 

"Have you bothered to take your inhaler?"

Fao shot him a look. “You have to ask?”

"If Sheila doesn't kill you, I'm going to."

He rolled his eyes, turning to cough. “It’s fine, ’m fine.”

One of the nurses huffed. “Fao, can you stop fidgeting so we can get some obs? Please?”

“I’m fine, honestly. All a fuss about nothing.” He protested. 

Harrison could have smacked him. He returned to Fao's side, face like thunder. "Fao, I swear to god. When you collapse on me again, you lose the right to complain. Lie still and let us do what we have to do. You look like shit, the obs we've got have been shit, and let me guess, you feel like shit."

“I jus’ went a little faint, it happens.” He protested. “I’ll be fine.”

He glared at him. "So your sats are supposed to be in the eighties?"

Fao hesitated. “Eighties?”

"You're sitting 89."

“Oh. Deep breaths, then.”

"And oxygen. You need some nebs."

“It’s probably jus’ postural, let me sit up and I’ll be better.”

Harrison didn't bother replying, but let the nurse by his bed adjust Fao to sit up. "Can someone get me five of salbutamol and five hundred ipratropium? We'll get a litre of normal saline running, start him on a broad spectrum abx, when we get bloods back, they can change it. Have we got the ecg done? Ah, brill."

He took a moment to read over Fao's strip. "You got any chest pain? Any palpitations? How have they been the past few days?"

Fao went to answer, but quickly changed his mind as he saw Harrison’s face. "It's been a bit tight but it’s not been awful. Nothing close to what it used to be. Thought it was just the infection. Is it that bad?"

"It doesn't look like you're having a heart attack or anything, but you've got a few runs of AF I'm not too happy with." He admitted. "Nothing I'm going to run off to cardio with you for, but enough that I want you to stay on monitoring for a little bit. Chances are, it's just the infection. We'll get that sorted, and you'll be better."

Fao nodded. “I hope I’m not having a fucking heart attack.” He grumbled. “I’ve really not felt that awful, I swear.” If Harrison was worried about his ECG, then maybe things were serious. Ely was going to kill him. 

"Can we get some IV hydrocortisone too? And a gram of IVP, help with this pain, settle the temp too, hopefully." Harrison called to his team, taking stock of his observations again. He listened to Fao's chest again, and nodded. There was a slight improvement to the wheeze, but it only highlighted the crackles. God knows how long he’d had this infection brewing.

Happy things were moving in the right direction, and that the staff were sorting the things he'd requested, he pulled the chair closer to Fao's side. "Hey, sorry for being a bit pushy."

"A bit?" He managed a laugh. “Try a lot.”

"Don't be an arse." Harrison said, reaching for Fao’s hand and giving it a squeeze. "You really aren't very well at the minute. I bet this has been going on for longer than you're gonna admit, but it's gonna get sorted. 

"I know you know the medical side of things more than most of my patients, but sometimes that makes it harder for you, too." He sighed. "Right now? I think you've got a pretty nasty infection that's more than likely this cough you've got going on. Your lactate is pretty high right now, obviously your oxygen is a fair bit lower than we want, and your heart rate is fast. Part of the rate will be the nebs we're slamming into you, but at the same time, I think you're septic. 

"We're gonna keep you here, try get this wheeze sorted first and then send you down to x-ray. You've got good air entry, I'm not too worried that you've got a pneumo or anything, but with your history, I want to be safe. We'll try and get your pain under a bit more control, get you more comfortable, but I need you to tell me. We're not mind readers, although I can tell when you're bullshitting me." He squeezed his hand again. "Is there anything you want from me? Anything you want me to do? Do you want me to call Ely? Sheila?"

“Sorry, septic?” He asked, taking a moment to take in all Harrison had told him. He felt bad, sure, but he’d been convinced it was nothing more that a chest infection he was struggling to shift, a bit of a wheeze that would go in time, a nice hangover from all of his history. He’d not been expecting Harrison to be that worried. He definitely felt crap, and Hars was right, the nebs weren’t helping his heart rate to feel any better. “It doesn’t feel like a pneumo, it just feels shitty.” He admitted. “You should call both of them. I’m not going to be able to escape without an admission, am I? Have you sorted another gensurg consult for that patient of yours? I think the bleep is still in my pocket.”

"The other patient is doing a lot better than you currently are. I'll be honest, right now, I'm doing my best to keep you from HDU." He sighed,  breaking from his doctor mode. "You've really not been well, Fao. Why didn't you tell someone? You've been running after the kids like a maniac, too. They'd have got someone in to cover you, take some of the pressure off. You need to put yourself first, or at least higher up on the chain."

“You can piss off with HDU.” He told him, digging in his pockets for the hard plastic of his bleep, which he shoved at Hars. “I honestly don’t have time to be ill. I took a couple of days off last week when I felt rotten, got some rest, but then I needed to come back in. I’ve not been sniffly, just the cough, and I can manage that. Not smoked in a week. The kids have so much on, and unsurprisingly they’ve not been well either. Been doing more non clinical hours, but we’re a surgeon down today and I had no other choice.”

"Well excuse me for giving a shit about you." He retorted. "You're my best friend, I need you to be okay."

“I’ll be fine. Supposed to be picking the kids up, though.”

"Tai's off today, he'll pick them up."

“Thanks. Ely’s on nights and she can’t get them picked up and sorted before she needs to come in.” He mumbled. “Sorry I fainted on you.”

"They can come have a sleepover. It's not a problem." He dropped his gaze. "I really can't lose you, Fao. I need you, and that means you need to put yourself first."

Fao cleared his throat, pushing at Hars gently. “Shush. You’re not getting rid of me.”

"I'm not that shit of a cons."

“Oh, course not.”

Harrison smiled. "How's everything feeling now?"

“Bit better.” He admitted. 

"Can I have a listen?"

Fao nodded. “Mm, go on.”

"Thanks." He hummed, standing with a groan. He listened to Fao's chest again, taking a moment. "Good news or bad news?"

Once Harrison had finished, Fao shuffled to get comfortable again. “Bad first.”

"The infection sounds like shit."

“And the good news?” He tried, looking hopeful.

"Your wheeze has pretty much gone, you've got really good air entry - especially for your chest, I'm surprised. And your blood pressure is doing a lot better."

Fao grinned. “So no HDU?”

"We'll move you to monitoring in a bit, too. I want to keep an eye on your lactate, but it’s looking hopeful."

“Good.” He said, and after a minute. “Thank you.”

"You're welcome." Harrison returned his grin. "Even if you do make my life difficult."

“I know it’s clinically a bad picture…” He murmured. “But I’ve felt worse than this.”

"That's not something to be proud of."

“No, it’s… I honestly didn’t think it was this bad. Almost felt worse wit’ the cold?”

"I know, it's okay."

“Didn’t know the AF was bad.”

"I've seen it worse. It's probably just because of the infection, the nebs, all of that. They're not long runs, and they're not super fast, nowhere near where they have been."

Fao nodded. “Haven’t really noticed it, an’ I usually do. Haven’t been bothered for ages, cardio told me to piss off.”

"Course they did." He rolled his eyes. "Honestly, I'm not surprised you didn't. Your body was busy compensating for everything else."

He nodded again. “Yeah. Sorry. Is Finn in?”

"Should be soon. Sheila should be dropping him off, actually." He grinned. "Rock, paper, scissors for who has to call her?"

“You can. I can’t possibly. Too ill.” He said, gesturing at himself. 

"Dickhead. I'm glad you're feeling better."

He coughed, but he was grinning. “Had a good doctor.”

"I'll take the compliment. Let me go ring Sheila first, and then I'll catch Ely up, yeah?"

“Tell them both I’m fine, yeah?”

"I will."

“Hug?” He asked, trying his luck. 

"Yeah, come here." He leaned over, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before giving him a gentle squeeze. 

Awkwardly Fao lifted his arms to wrap them around Hars. “Thank you.”

"I'm always gonna be here for you."

“Here to kick my ass, more like.”

"Sometimes you need that, too."

[bccksmarts]

mini vent thing just ignore this; it’ll just clear my chest off and HOPEFULLY give me some sort of peace of mind!!

Just typing helps relieve some of this weird tension that’s been building in my chest so please don’t think this is toward absolutely anyone because it isn’t whatsoever!!

kinda just feeling like I’m just sat here twiddling my thumbs most days. I’ve got threads to crack on with, plots to develop and all that good stuff but as soon as I see ONE thing, the love just absolutely dies??

I hate that it does, and I think it’s been that way for a while. It’s dumb, and I shouldn’t be feeling the way I do, but I do. A crap feeling of anxiety and being shoved aside for the next and new best thing which I know IS NOT the case at all, and I normally hardly ever get this type of feeling. Everyone’s portrayals are so vast and different to each other and that’s so welcoming to me, and I really love to see it!! I do!! It’s so refreshing and inspiring??

So I shouldn’t at all feel like I’m being brushed under a rug, because I know overall that I’m not. I just don’t know how to budge the feeling; it makes me feel icky and gross and I don’t like it at all, like the feeling that my threads with people no longer actually matter / are wanted and that SUCKS. Again, before anyone starts kicking off: I know that isn’t the case!! Anxiety just sucks and I WISH it’d just piss off!!

Mayhaps I just need a refresher; music, chill vibes, go into my drafts with an open mind that everything is fine and nothing has changed, because it hasn’t. I’ve got things planned with people that I’m really looking forward to, that I’m really excited for!!

Sometimes I feel like I HAVE to withdraw myself when it comes to any sort of negative or iffy feelings because it’s just how it’s always been, and I hate putting my shite feelings in front of someone else cause the last thing I want to do is bother someone with something so small that just isn’t necessary. I don’t usually like to vent; it isn’t my thing. Maybe it’s why I’m spooped to get close to people too?? If my feelings over something so crap and little ever pushes someone away unintentionally; that fear is so good damn terrifying to me and it’s probably why I hardly message people or I see a message, think I’ve responded when I haven’t at all. And I’m not saying I don’t feel close to some of you because I do!! I might not say it much ( again, anxiety’s a bitch ) but I genuinely do feel so close to some of you that it isn’t even funny. How special some of you have made me feel this past year is incredible and I can’t thank you enough for it. 💕

It’s something I wanna try and improve on. Trust myself and those around me and not feel like I have to bottle everything up all the time. I’ve been trying, and I thought I was doing pretty good, but it’s like it all goes to the wind somehow. I’m not alone, and I’ve got to stop putting myself into this secluded box. 😤

[blazes-books]

Character Interview: Lust, Pride, Sloth, and Crowley

Narrator: Greetings, viewers! Welcome to a new “series” done by the author(Hi ;3) as a way of getting back into writing. This will be done via a style of questions being posed to the group - randomly chosen, at that, and answered by the characters as if they were being interviewed on tv! This may include lore spoilers, jokes, crack, and dark topics depending on said characters.

Narrator: Today, we are dealing with three of the Lowborn Seven, and one…Crowley?

Crowley: Don’t need to say it like that - just here to keep the Boss happy.

Narrator: If you say so! Let’s get right into the questions, then.

Question One: Parental Bonds Category. “Did their displeasure influence your decision? Did you decide to go ahead in order to show them up? Or did you change your mind because they disliked your choice?”

Pride: Our father obviously approves of my role and choices in like. I’m clever enough to make the right choices, and not falter - for anyone, at that. If someone is displeased with how I do things, that’s their problem to deal with.

Lust: Oh, no. I make my choices based on what I want, mostly. I’m sure our Dad would have…some things to say about my work - but, really, he’s in no position to judge if you ask me. Who leaves their kingdom and kids to go on a one hundred year vacation?

Sloth: …We have a dad?

Crowley: Do I look like I’d give a shite? Even if I did have parents, I live my life for myself and my wants alone.

Question Two: Childhood and Education Category. “How far did you advance in your education?”

Pride: Obviously I went to college. Top of my class, advance courses - every challenge I could undertake, I did and I did so flawlessly. If I didn’t, I simply stopped and focused my energy elsewhere. I won’t bother with failing endeavors, after all - that’s fools work.

Lust: Oh, no no. See, I do my research and studies myself. Nothing better than hands on learning. It might not be the most suggested of paths, but, I find myself more understanding and better at learning that way.

Sloth: Oh, I attend online college. Pride said it would be a good idea, and Wrath helps me with physical education. My grades are a bit rough though, my…memory isn’t the best. Or my sleep schedule, for that matter.

Crowley: No comment.

Narrator: Crowley, sir, this is so people can learn more about your character - who you are! You have to answer.

Crowley: I did. My answer is no comment.

Narrator: *Sighs* Moving on, then…

Question Three: Personal Opinions Category. “What is your idea of a really fun time?”

Pride: Oh, oh! I love a good business meeting. Learning about new products, criticizing others ideas, and coming up with new ways to implement new products. Really, I can’t picture a better way to spend my time. Though, I…do enjoy seeing my siblings. Even if we’re all rather busy most of the time.

Lust: *Glances around* Ah…I don’t know if this is…censor friendly?

Narrator: Don’t worry dear, there’s no judgement here.

Lust: Well, I…I quite enjoy…romance novels. T-They have to have a happy ending though! And no cheating, I hate cheating so much!! Just, curled up in a soft blanket, some chocolate covered popcorn and hazelnuts, it’s the perfect way to spend my down time. True crime is rather nice, too, but only on rainy days.

Narrator: Well…that wasn’t so bad—

Lust: Although a good orgy can be equaling relaxing for me —

Sloth: My turn! I, I really like going to the carnival, or fairs. The food there is the best - don’t tell Geegee I said that - and sometimes, I can even win prizes. I give the really big ones to Lust though, I know she likes plushies more.

Crowley: *Loud sigh* I can’t skip this one too, can I?

Narrator: Please don’t.

Crowley: Fine. Gardening, I like gardening. It’s…helpful, to me. Keeps my mood up and my temper even.

Question Four: Childhood and Education Category. “What was your course of study?”

Pride: Economics of course, for my major. My minor was philosophy.

Lust: Oh, well, I didn’t really - I don’t really have a course of study, but, I guess I’d count as…sociology, perhaps?

Sloth: I’m actually working on mine now. I don’t know what I officially want to do, though.

Crowley: Ass kicking, next question.

Question Five: Fears, Challenges, and Obstacles Category. “How will your life change if you do get this thing or solve this problem?”

Pride: What problem have I not already solved or can solve? I have everything handled, at all times, and I most certainly do not need help. Move on, thank you.

Lust: If…if I solve my problem? *She takes a moment to think about this visibly* I…I would hope I’d be happier. Finally being able to decide who I am, to know who I am and have my family accept every part of me…I know it wouldn’t solve everything, but, I think it would be a great start.

Sloth: By the fires of hell, please let me sleep. I’m literally supposed to be the embodiment of like, extra unneeded sleep, and I have insomnia. I just want some sleep, on a regular basis.

Crowley: Which one? *Deep sigh* Either one, I think, would be nice to have off my list. I’d love for Lady Lust to be happier, to know she’s ok and just…never have to see her fall so far again. I…I also want my boyfriend to know the truth about me, and for us to be able to be together without hiding it. I don’t think that’ll happen anytime soon, though.

Question Six: Parental Bonds Category. “Are your parents still living?”

Pride: Yes, our father is very much alive and well, thank you for asking.

Lust: Dad is still kicking, last I heard. Surprised, honestly, you’d think the hunters would’ve gotten to him by now.

Sloth: Again, we have a Dad?!

Crowley: Can’t be, considering I don’t have ‘em. If they were, they’re lyin’.

Question Seven: Occupation Category. “Would you rather be doing something else? If so, what would it be?”

Pride: Oh, no! Not at all, I rather enjoy my work. It’s pleasing, it’s easy, and it’s quite literally what I was born to do. Why would I ever question it?

Lust: I…no, not really. I know I’ve been questioning myself recently, and I think I’d enjoy branching out, but I do enjoy my work and love what I do. Every part of it.

Sloth: Kind of? I’m mostly just upset how it makes me need to sleep, to be the Sin of Sloth, but because I’m a demon, my body doesn’t want the sleep. It sucks, but I…can’t tell anyone that. I know how Pride feels about it, I’ve seen how she reacts to Lust. As for what I’d choose…I, I think I’d like making dolls.

Crowley: No. I’m good at my job, I’m suited for my job, and I like my job. And if you ever tell Lust I said that last bit - I’ll tell ‘er you’re lyin’.

Question Eight: Current Household And Relationships Category. “How do you feel about the place where you are now? Is there something you are particularly attached to, or particularly repelled by, in this place?”

Pride: I feel rather good about where I’m currently living. It’s a lovely place, everything there suits myself and my tastes, and I’ve kept it perfect. I’m rather attached to my balcony, honestly. I enjoy taking a glass of bubbly out there, watching the city in the nighttime. Like stars, gleaming on earth. None of them shine like me, it’s a wonderful reminder.

Lust: …I’m looking to move out, soon. Quickly. Crowley even helped me pack my things back when I was…unable to. Everything expect my bedroom. The sheets, pillows, and blankets specifically. I’m going to be burning those.

Sloth: Oh, my dorm? It’s…ok. I haven’t put much up, honestly. Seems like too much work. I like my plushie pile, though. Sometimes I sleep better there than my actual bed!

Crowley: Eh, it’s a home. Got my plants, my bed, my things. I guess I’m rather attached to my wardrobe but, that’s just because I value my style. Oh, and give this to the Boss won’t ya? *Proceeds to hand over a lighter* I heard she’ll need it.

End of Interview!

Narrator: Well, that wraps things up here! Thank you four for participating, and who knows? Maybe we’ll see you back for a second interview.

This has been a character interview with Lust, Pride, Sloth, and Crowley!

[ten-of-imps]

Ten rants about someone they've met who were so authentic they forgot they live on earth and has to be considerate about others

While leaving a conversation when it stops being enjoyable and comfortable is an admirable trait to have, and one I need need to add to my skills and habits, being so focused on yourself, on the other hand, is not. It's time to stop thinking you're the shit, telling fcking heavy stuff to someone you barely know, sitting in your distant Moon thinking how authentic you are, how you know who you are and what you like (not even gonna mention how you dont even bother asking the other person) and that's what the other person has to know about you, pretending that you did so much self growth people just left you because they couldn't handle the new you. No darling, they left because you became more annoying than before. No darling, you're not authentic, you're selfish and you are in this conversation for yourself, so someone else would bring more pleasure in your life. I think you want to catch someone who would somehow care about you the same amount you do, without you having to do any work. That's not how it works

The way people use authentic as a means to let the world spin around themselves is fascinating. I haven't yet seen it taken that far, although I've seen people do it with other concepts. And I am so angry because there's so much I want to say to them, and tell them how fcking nasty it is what they're doing. But from their reaction to me saying how I feel around a certain topic I see they don't care and don't really see nuance that much, or care about taking time to see someone else's perspective. So there's no point. And I'm angry, because it was me who had to run first after that first day. I had to leave first. And I didn't. Why is it that I will try to listen to other people, but I ignore my own voice?

I really didn't think it will end this meh for me, and I thought I will entertain this and see where in the actual hell this will end. And we're deep guys, or maybe im naive and we were just past the first gates. I knew we were deep when life advice started. '' No no no i see people as good and just tired maybe, you should too, this helped me''. Wait did I asked you? Did I started a debate where I saw you taking my points seriously so you expect me to do the same? No? Thought so.

Authenticity means shit if you don't know how to listen to others and always think they are the problem and you're oh so deep and emotionally mature (the irony in this sentence). Ohmygod im so frustrated right now I'm going to explode!

Fucking trust your gut, and if its telling you this won't take long to start shiting knives, it's not worth it.

Believe in yourself and leave the damn alone. Leave the conversation, especially if they say so many already left. THERE WERE REASONS AND THEY ARE NOT SEEING IT!!! Which means they have no self doubt. They think they are right about everything, which is just crazy. They might be fine, but if you sense something's off, IT'S NOT WORTH IT!

[calcified--heart]

ask game:

6, 10, 14, 21

26, 29, 32

35, 38

also hmu bby 🔪

6: Age you get mistaken for people frequently think im a lot younger than i am, because im a teeny tiny little creature. a chihuahua among labradors. so like anywhere from 14 up really. its great they dont say anything when i ask for a childs fare on the bus.

10: Want any piercings? amongst other things, id love to get my snakebites done. again. and then id love an eyebrow piercing. cant wait to have had top surgery in probably the far far future bc of nhs reasons so i can get my nipples pierced. i think that would be fun.

14: Biggest turn offs im honestly not sure really. i know what i like and then theres just kind of.. everything else.

21: What I love most about myself i like that im able to feel so passionately. dont get me wrong it can be absolutely shite but i can rotate my little blorbos from the telly in a way that iyou cannot even comprehend. feeling shrimp emotions fr. ridiculously -diagnosably, even- intense emotions also served me well in gcse drama, which was terrible for the most part, but i can authentically cry on command.

26: My biggest pet peeves i hate when people are so so so clearly incorrect. they just have the most atrocious take and i start seeing visions of them being mauled by animals and the like. i have nothing against asking questions and having opinions, but its important to have the necessary knowledge to back up your point. it bothers me when someone says something and i can tell that they think they can get by on having the most basic watched a tiktok on the topic take.

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend ive lied to people for a variety of reasons. ig the most recent reason ive lied to someone was to cover my ass for a previous lie.

32: What words upset me the most is it a cop out answer if i say my deadname? its the only word i hear with any frequency that i dislike. i suppose its more about the context in which the words are used than the words themselves.

35: What I find attractive in men i really like when guys are tall. or at least taller than me, which does not necessarily imply tallness. and my absolute favorite thing is when theyre kinda fucked up and weird looking. like yes baby i love your weird teeth and your patchy beard and your fucked up voice. also they should be a little bit pathetic, but you know this already.

38: My childhood career choice for like nine years i wanted to be a veterinarian and when i stopped wanting to do it people assumed it was because i couldnt handle the idea of euthanizing an animal, which was not remotely true. it really had more to do with the fact that i realized it would be a lot, sensory wise. like a lot of textures and a lot of noises and that didnt seem like it would work out for me. also i was a bit shit at science in secondary school so

[azurescaled-archived]

Summary: Elena and Connor have a small discussion

“You never talk about yourself, why is that? Do you like being the whole, ‘troubled, but cute guy with a heart of gold’? Or do you like leaving people all confused about who you really are? I mean...Most people would tell someone they’re seeing about their past, or living situation.”

Connor sighed to himself as he threw on his shirt. He had almost forgotten why he usually got the hell out of dodge in the middle of the night instead of sticking around for breakfast. He never liked dealing with the fallout of the whole, “never giving any real details” aspect of his life. It’s why he usually just hopped in his car once he got restless, and it was like a switch flipped. He never liked to get comfortable, knowing that he often had to go wherever the money lead him, or his instincts. 

“Wha’ can I say? Most people ain’t gotta deal with th’shite I have to. Not all of us own our own company ‘nd are billionaires. Why are ya bothered by wha’ th’hell m’doin’ with m’time ‘nyway? Don’ ya have someone else t’go ‘nd bother?”

A soft chuckle left his partner’s lips, as she leaned forward on the bed, resting her chin in her hands while staring at him.

“No need to get dressed so quickly, little godling. I’m quite enjoying the view, even if your ass is as flat as a board. I know that this is nothing serious, but you could always stop trying to hoof it on your own. Get in contact with Dagda...Learn how to control your magic a bit better, no?”

Elena sat up, crossing one leg over the other, and watched him stiffen. She knew the subject of his family was always a sore one.

“Nah. Haven’t done it yet, sure as shit ain’t gonna start now. ‘Sides, wha’ if I wanna go back t’Scotland someday? Pretty sure ‘ny wolf tha’ met me ‘nd smelled Fae on me would get all on their hackles or some shite. Plus, bein’ in a bit of a crowd ain’t exactly m’scene. Fer a job? Sure, it becomin’ m’life? I don’ see tha’ happenin’. Plus, I like m’lifestyle, I ain’t gotta stick ‘round, ‘nd I can jus’ pack up whenever I like.”

Connor wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince her or himself of that when he spoke. The road did get lonely, every now and then, but he never liked the idea of settling down, relying on someone else. Elena could at least sympathize with him. She remembers how long it took her to get used to being apart of the mortal realm again, and she’d have been lying if she said that she still didn’t have her own issues. She was just better at hiding them, compared to him.

“There there, no need to have an existential crisis. Believe it or not, I do understand. My family wasn’t perfect, and I can’t say I’ve let my own anger about failing my goal go, but...”

He hadn’t even heard her walk towards him, and flinched when he felt arms wrapping around his waist and her head press against his back, now he just felt awkward. Elena gave a soft laugh, enjoying the closeness.

“I like to think I’ve learned how to live with it. You can too. I’m not saying you have to love Dagda, but try to get to know them. Be better than what came before, better than I.”

He felt the woman unwrap her arms from around his waist and heard her return to the bed.

“Never heard ya be so...vulnerable before. S’kinda nice t’know tha’ heart of yers isn’t as icy as ya like t’pretend it is.”

He let a small smile come to his face as he heard a soft laugh come from Elena’s lips.

“What can I say, I just happen to have a soft spot for stray puppies~”

[duchess-marie]

I haven’t been writing lately...

Things had never been this messed up in my life before.To start with, I don’t have the urge to write lately because I did not have the energy to finish my 2022 journal, which literally stopped after the first week of December. I told myself that I would have a "redemption semester" after having a dos for an average last semester, but it turns out the sorority fucked my time over, my grandmother has been annoying as hell (like she’s always been), my aunt (Tita neighbor) has been making some decisions on her own without our consent, and lastly, fuck my dad’s day off, and fuck my dad's day off.

I haven’t even given myself a chance to give myself a fucking BREAK because people around my family rely on me, but when I got the opportunity to, I never stood a fucking chance. Here’s the thing: I want my own place. In the United States, the age of majority is 18, but what about in the Philippines? You’ll stay until you are fucking ready to fly on your own wings.

It bothered me, but since I’ve strived to get into UPLB, I wanted nothing more than to strive and do things on my own, which means getting my own fucking dorm. The main issue is that I don't get to do things on my own and still have to do things under his supervision UNLESS I FUCKING GRADUATE. It embarrasses me and sometimes it doesn’t give me the freedom to do things despite "acting" cool and smart around my new UP friends; it’s just hard pretending things when I’m around them. I’ve already given the impression that my grandmother fucking hates me, which is true in my books, but it’s a bittersweet feeling in real life.

I have never felt so shitty in my life, which is why I type or write on some online platform where nobody really knows who the fuck I am. Part of me is fine with doing this since I haven’t been writing in my journal and I need a new one for this year. Also, this would be my first post of 2023, so shit just happens from time to time.

Here’s a little advice to end this long and boring post: Write or type down your shite before the freaks get too far in the real world.

[morgan-the-lonely-brick]

I was told to "act more like an adult", since I am one and to that I have a simple answer