#So incredibly angry man i am trying every single job possible and not even getting messages turning me down they just dont bother

[tiercel]

Extremely cool that every single graphic designer job now says some bullshit like this

You dont want a "graphic designer" you want someone to shart out AI slop for you. Theyre literally not even asking you to draw for them anymore, they just want you to "supervise" the stupid fucking program

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

⛽️ 🔥 FIRE AND GASOLINE 🔥⛽️ (PART 1?)

Prompt: Y/N’s life has changed drastically, precisely 10 years ago and all because of an adorable lunatic and two little maniacs. But what will happen when a divergency of thoughts leads Y/N and her lunatic to say some pretty harsh words, that they know they will regret it later?

Word count: Maybe too long?

Pairing: Jon Moxley (or even Dean Ambrose if that’s your liking) x Reader

Warnings: For now, just some cursing and angst

Notes: His time has finally arrived and I couldn’t be more nervous about it! This goes out to my sincerely unhealthy love for Jon Moxley and my mixed feelings about having kids (sounds like a good match right?). Y’all know the drill loves,sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language (bla bla bla),check out my other stories if you’d like to(it would make your girl here very happy 😊) and if you’re comfortable with it,please let me know what you think? Some feedback is always welcomed and appreciated ❤️You can check out my other stories typing ‘masochist writes’ on the search bar on my page and my newest story as a fixed post.Okay,now let’s get to the fun part,shall we? Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

A light smile formed on my lips as I watched through the kitchen sink window Atticus and Rosie play in the backyard as I did the dishes. I never thought that my life could change for the better with a 6 and 4 years old..and to think that I never thought of myself as the maternal type.

The plate I was rinsing off almost broke on the sink as my body jumped from fright, when a pair of hands embraced my hips

“Oh God, you almost gave me a heart attack! Are you crazy?”

“Not really, just a little lunatic..” He laughed “I’m sorry it wasn’t my intention to frighten you, but once I saw that ass kitten I lost my fucking mind! Just like I did 10 years ago...” His hands roamed on my hips until they reached my ass that he lightly slapped. “Did you miss me, cherry?” His lips glued on the nape of my neck

‘Cherry’ that lame ass nickname he gave me 10 years ago...and all because my cheeks go incredibly red when I blush or whenever the weather gets cold making a huge contrast against my pale skin.

“Of course I missed you! This house gets too boring without you in it” I lightly chuckled

“Is that the only reason why you missed me?” He grinds his bulge on my ass, as an insinuation to what he actually meant by that question

“Jon, the kids are outside...”

“I’m not doing anything, I’m just asking an innocent question kitten” He nibs my neck

I turn around to face him, placing my arms around his neck leaning in for a kiss. It started innocently, but Jon Moxley wouldn’t be Jon Moxley if things were kept innocent.

His hands reached the hem of my tank top, sliding in to meet my bare skin, he roams up til he finally founds what he was looking for.

“Fuck baby, I missed these” He whispers as he softly but firmly squeezes my breasts. As much as I would like to have some fun time with my husband it’s not ‘adult time’ yet, which meant the kids were still up. So no ‘dirty deeds’ for us just yet.

I took the little bit of sanity I still had and broke the kiss

“Jon, that’ll have to wait babe”

He sighs “C’mon Y/N is just a quickie kitten, the kids won’t even notice you’re not here..just a few pumps in, I swear!”

“The last time you wanted to give it just ‘a few pumps in’ I was birthing Rosie 9 months later” I reminded him

“So? We love each other, we’re an adult couple with a beautiful family and a lot of love to give” He nibs my bottom lip “What’s wrong with having another little maniac? I wouldn’t mind! We make some pretty fucking good looking kids, we should start practicing another one now” He vaguely said

Oh God not this again... This has been a pretty heated topic between Jon and I, he was always crazy about kids but I wasn’t very fondly of them. When I found out I was pregnant with Atticus I lost my mind! I wasn’t sure about the whole ‘mommy’ commitment for life thing, I didn’t even knew if I had one single bone of motherhood in me. That soon changed though when I first held Atticus on my arms, at that moment I knew my heart was sold to some stinky bum that would call me ‘mom’ for the rest of my life. Rosie was a surprise too, we haven’t even talked about the possibility of having another kid and I was already pregnant with her.

Right after that the baby factory was officially closed to me but not for Jon, he wanted at least two more kids and I didn’t, he had a bit of a trouble understanding that back then I didn’t even wanted my first one! I love my kids, I would die for them in a blink but that doesn’t mean that I eagerly look forward being pregnant every goddamn year.

Jon’s job doesn’t help either, with him constantly being on the road I do most of the raising when it comes to the kids. Of course he still is an amazing father in the short amount of time he is home but still, I’m the one who has to do the working, cooking, cleaning, give baths, put to bed, take to swimming classes, brazilian jiu-jitsu classes, dentist appointments, running to the emergency at 3am because one of them is suddenly sick while the other one sleeps at the emergency’s waiting room chair, wiping off their tears whenever daddy has to leave again..

“Jon, not this topic again, please” I beg

“What is wrong with me wanting to discuss having another baby with the woman that I love?”

“It’s not that simple Jon, I wish it was but is not” I said slightly angry

“Yes it is that simple Y/N! You’re the one who’s always trying to complicate things” He let go of my hips

Great! Now he’s angry too. That’s just what I needed!

“Jon look, I don’t want us to fight ok? You just got home and we all miss each other so why don’t we drop it for now huh?”

I tried to wave the white flag, but I should’ve known it wouldn’t work with Jon ‘The Stubborn’ Moxley

“Of course you want to drop it, it’s not of your interest is it? No it isn’t! You always do this! Whenever a subject doesn’t matter to you, you don’t wanna talk about it, you’re always so selfish! Always thinking about yourself, never once caring about me or what I want! Selfish as fuck!” He raised his voice

When people say that words can hurt more than actions they were right. If he had punched me in the face it wouldn’t hurt as much as the harshness of his words. To say that I am selfish? After everything I left behind just to be with him? That hurt! And instead of doing the adult thing and keep my mouth shut before I said something I knew I would regret it, I did the Y/N thing where I run my mouth with harsher words than he’s previous ones just so I could hurt him as much as he hurt me

“I’m selfish? Me? Oh you better place the mirror in front of your own face to find the definition for that word Jonathan! You are the one who gets to make your ‘wrestler life’ on the road, living like a single man with not even one worry on your mind while I get behind with two kids and all the shit that comes with the package! It’s easy for you to say it with your 15 minutes FaceTime parenting that you do! In the mean time I have to be the bad guy who has to always say no because glorious dad is on the road chasing his dream for when he gets home he will do all of his kids luxuries so he can try to compensate his absence with Barbie dolls and hot wheels cars! So yeah I’m the selfish one Jonathan, good thing you notice that” I regretted those words as soon as they fell from my lips.

Jon’s eyes briefly showed the hurt caused by them but he soon replaced that with rage and pride before lifting his head up to say

“And is thanks to glorious dad that you have this comfortable house, a nice car and a shit ton of food on your table sweetheart. Let’s be honest here Y/N, how are you supposed to support yourself and the kids with your shitty excuse for a salary? I wipe my ass with the pitiful money that you make” He huffed

I’ve never felt so humiliated in my life. Yes my paycheck was mere cents compared to his, but I worked hard for my money, I was proud to have my own money, to share the bills with him and was proud for not taking the easy path of relying on a rich man to support myself (like my dear old mother proudly did). So the fact that he took something that was so prideful to me and used to humiliate me, made me for once rethink all of our 10 years together and if it was worth it at all.

Tears threaten to fall from my eyes and Jon seemed to have realized what he just said as for he reached his hand to cup my cheek

“Kitten, I-“

“Don’t! Don’t touch me, I don’t want you anywhere near me” I said in between sobs

“Y/N please I-“

“Mommy, why are you crying?” I saw Rosie’s smile die on her lips once she saw me crying.

I heard Atticus’ fast footsteps coming by the french doors to stop by Rosie

“Yay, daddy’s home- Mommy are you ok? Why are you crying? Did you get hurt?” His small but smart baby blue eyes roamed my face and my body for any signs of physical hurt

“Yes stinker, mommy got hurt” I said trying to hold back my sobs

“Where? I can’t see anything” Those clever blue orbs that were a faithful copy of Jon’s roamed through me once more trying to find the injury

“Why don’t you guys come here and tell daddy how much you’ve missed him while mommy goes upstairs to clean up the scratch?”

They just nodded and ran towards Jon, who took them both in his arms

“Y/N” He started but I gave him a look that made him go silent.

I reached the safety of my bedroom, feeling the urgent need to run away. Run away from him, from this house, from this country. Taking with me only the clothes on my body and my two little beasties...the immature part of me yelled ‘do it, do it’ but the grownup in me knows I can’t do this. It’s not fair to the kids, they barely get to see their father whom they love and miss so much. It’s not fair to Jon either, he loves those kids more than he’s own life.

But right now I needed my safe place (or better, person), I needed to breath so I called her and when I received the ok on spending 3 days at her house I packed a small little bag with enough close for just those days, as I was zipping up the bag a faint knock came from the bedroom door soon after being followed by it opening.

“Kitten, can we talk- What are you doing?” He asked in urgency as he bursts into the bedroom approaching me.

“I’m gonna go to Nancy’s” I vaguely said looking at anywhere but him

“Nance? Your sister?”

“She’s the only Nancy I know, so yeah..”

“But why? I just got home, I wanna be together Y/N”

“It’s just for 3 days Jon..you’ll be with the kids, they need you and they miss you” My voice is a faint whisper

“But I need and miss you too! I want you here! How am I supposed to enjoy my family if it’s not complete? I’m sure we can figure it out whatever it is that happened earlier” He grabbed my shoulders turning me to face him and cupped my cheeks, tilting my head up to look me in the eyes.

“Y/N, kitten, I know that I’ve said some pretty harsh things to you earlier. I’ve been stressed out. It’s all my fault, I’m so sorry cherry. Please forgive me baby” He pressed his forehead with mine

That was typical Jon, always pulling the guilt towards himself, he has a hard time understanding that he was not always the only cause of a disagreement.

“Jon, we both said some stupid things ok? This is not all on you, love” I released myself from him, if he continued this close I wouldn’t resist, and right now I need to think.

“Yes it is Y/N. Me and my stupid fucking mouth, not you. You’re perfect kitten”

I scoffed “Trust me, I am not”

“Yes you are! Look at who I am now because of you, I stopped doing drugs, I’m not a drinking mess anymore, I eagerly look forward coming come because I know that the three pieces of my heart are waiting for me, look at what I’ve achieved, what you gave me, how you gave up everything and everybody to be with me”

Oh yeah,that.. my ‘high society family’ was not happy at all when they met Jon, they said that we were a very dangerous combination of fire and gasoline, that we would never be happy. I had two options they said, either them or him. I hated my family and loved Jon so it was a simple math. I left my house and all of the luxury behind to live with him in his ridiculously small one bedroom old apartment. The only person that I still talked to was Nancy my older and just as rebel sister, who gave everybody the middle finger and left the not so humble abode of my family never speaking with them again. So it made sense that the two rebellious black sheeps would become their own family, mine was Nancy and I was hers.

“Jon I need some time to think, we need it ok? Please, we both need to digest what we’ve said to each other. It wasn’t just a simple ‘fuck off’ we’ve said some pretty bad stuff so let’s just process this ok?” I beg

“Are you gonna leave me forever? Please don’t tell me you’ll want divorce because of this...I won’t handle it kitten” His voice was strangled by tears

“Jon-” I was thankfully interrupted by Rosie’s and Atticus’ screams of joy on the hallway as they ran towards our bedroom

“Mommy, daddy the movie is about to start c’mon” Atticus says as he jumps from excitement. They have been wanting to watch Moana for a while now, but only when daddy got home so he could watch it too.

“We’re going buddy” Jon fastly said

“Actually” I begin “Only daddy will watch the movie with you” It crushed my heart to see the disappointment on their faces

“Why?” Rosie asks

“Because auntie Nancy called and mommy’s gonna need to go and help her”

“Is auntie Nana in trouble?” Now it was Atticus turn to ask

“No stinker, she just need momma’s help with something, it’s nothing bad I promise”

“Can you go to Nancy’s after the movie?” Jon hopefully asks, he knows that the longer I stay the less likely it will be for me to leave.

The kids gasped at their daddy’s amazingly smart idea.

“Please mommy, please!” The kids started to beg as they kneeled down to make their begging really serious.

Jon kneeled down too, by my side. I looked at him confused and he just said

“Yeah mommy, please stay” He placed his hands on my hips “Please kitten, don’t leave me” He whispered

And now I have 3 pairs of incredibly beautiful and pleading baby blue eyes staring at me waiting for my answer.

What am I supposed to do?...

To be continued (?)

What do you think? Should this story continue? Would you like to see what will Y/N do? What would you do? Please let me know your thoughts, they are so very important to me and help me with my writing 💕🥰

[danger-xylophones]

Major Buir (Plo Koon x reader)

{masterlist}

Words: 3.7k

Warnings: Unedited, Plo Koon trying to flirt but not quite understanding how to make the swoon, Wolffe being the embarrassed son, potential second hand embarrassment for the reader because I think that Plo is very sweet but is not well versed in the art of flirting. Clones being dumb and cute. Angry Wolffe, potential fluff overload-I got a little carried away. 

Notes: Yeeee it’s my first time writing for Plo-would it be wrong to tag?...I’m gonna do it. @a-dorin , I would like to thank you for inspiring me to write this. I find myself steadily becoming a Plo simp and your fics have only accelerated my downward spiral. 

Also, this was only supposed to be about 1.5k words...woops

……………………………………

“From this, we can conclude that the remnants of the Ehterium cluster supernova would provide a suitable route around this Separatist controlled rat’s nest.” You sniffed carefully and lowered the pointer to tap against the ground but it landed on your foot. Swiftly, you moved it again so it actually tapped against the durasteel floor of the briefing room. A few chuckles slipped from the gathered cloned men and Jedi generals currently scanning over your notes on the holomap that had witnessed the little slip-up. “Though I can understand the hesitance-which is why I have also taken the liberty of charting a different course around the cluster entirely. It would take much longer though and would put you in more danger in the long run as you’d be exposed and out of range for too...long.” You trailed off, suddenly self-conscious of the overuse of the word ‘long’. Even though you’d worked for the GAR since the start of the clone wars (and technically before that if you counted all the academy training) you’d never gotten the hang of the ‘intimidating analytics and tactician officer’ schtick despite trying. You were often compared to a little mouse in the academy-even when you were wielding a blaster. But that hardly mattered when you were one of the top tacticians in the army and the Jedi were very kind to you. Especially General Plo Koon. He was incredibly patient with you as you adjusted to life with the 104th after being transferred from the 205th and he gave off this very warm and loving vibe. 

And thankfully your new general was among the Jedi present-calmly looking at you with hands clasped behind his back, respectfully silent as the other masters muttered over the maps you’d provided. You met his eyes uncertainly. While it wasn’t like this was your first time pitching a new tactic to a general it was the first time you’d ever pitched an idea to so many people (eight, to be exact) that were so high ranking. The room was currently occupied by yourself, Depa Billaba, Obi Wan Kenobi, Cody, Anakin, Ahsoka, Rex, Commander Wolffe, and Plo Koon and while none of them were ever rude to you it was hard to not be intimidated. You weren’t the one that had to go through with this plan-they did. They were the ones in danger. Sure, you could lose your job but they could lose their lives. So, you looked to Plo Koon as he would be sure to tell you what he thought. 

Perhaps he was so open with you because he could read you better than anyone else? He always knew what you were thinking and knew exactly what to say to help you. If you were honest, it was no wonder why you two were fast friends. And it wasn’t a surprise when you realized that certain feelings had crept up on you. Although you had resigned yourself to never act on them for both of your sakes there was no helping the admiration that prompted you to value the Kel Dor’s opinion over anyone else’s. And just like so many times before, it seemed like Plo knew this for he offered a single nod to you when your eyes met. The tension fled from your shoulders instantly as a silent sigh of relief slipped from you. Plo Koon approved. You had done good. He knew how hard you had worked on the new plans and could cite several instances where he had stumbled upon you slumped over your desk as the testimony to your dedication. Each time the Kel Dor quietly lifted you to your feet and encouraged you to leave the work for the next day as he escorted you back to your quarters. Once the two of you got there, he’d always, always place a secure hand on your shoulder with a squeeze that just barely made his talons dig into your greys as he bid you goodnight before sweeping away with one last order to get some sleep tossed over his shoulder. It was similar small gestures like those that gave you hope that were your situations different-he being a normal citizen like you and not a Jedi with no trace of war-that maybe something could happen. But alas…

“I must say, Major, I do believe you’ve outdone yourself.” Kenobi was the first among the Jedi to speak with one hand clasping his chin and the other clasping his elbow in typical Obi Wan fashion as he scanned over the details once more. 

You dipped your head with a carefully practiced, “thank you, General” as your immediate reply though deep inside, your pride swelled. This was possibly your most ambitious plan yet and one that had presented significant challenges. While you were a good tactician, your strong suits lie in terrestrial combat and not space. It felt great to be validated. 

“Yes but…” Depa Billaba began with her arms dutifully crossed over her chest as she scrutinized further, “what are we to do about this asteroid field that cuts through our path?” The Jedi asked calmly and you brightened at the mention of it because you had banged your head against it every which way. The asteroid field was the one thing you couldn’t accurately account for as the data you had received on it initially had been outdated. And you explained as much to her. 

“However, I am happy to tell you that I may have found a way to...acount for this hazard.” You cleared your throat and leaned over the console to zoom in on the area in question. “This asteroid field is large, messy, and problematic, and had you asked me how to avoid it earlier I wouldn’t have had an answer. But, I think that the best course of action is to separate-to make it look as though the three of you-” you pointed to the generals you were specifying, “are escorting Depa Billaba till she comes in range with the nearby medical station. That way if any Separatists follow you, you can still maintain the element of surprise because I know that if we can make General Billaba’s starship appear vulnerable that they will go for it. Worst case scenario, you dust off the guns a little preemptively. Best case-” again, you clicked another button that revealed a dotted red path through the holo projection, “you can use the asteroids as extra cover while you navigate through this path.” You paused a moment, eyes shifting to gauge the reactions of everyone. From across the table, your eyes met with Commander Wolffe’s who raised an eyebrow at you. “Clone intelligence has informed me that this path might be outdated as well but we will be active on the comms to offer guidance through the field as you go.” Commander Wolffe gave a firm nod and, again, the Jedi and clones retreated inwards to try and think of any situations that they would need to be prepared for. In the weighted silence that followed, you were keenly aware of Plo Koon drawing closer to you as he methodically circled the console before you. His hands remained clasped behind his back the entire time and you couldn’t help but watch him as he approached. 

He came to a stop right next to you-close enough for your arms to brush and for his warmth to seep through the fabric of your greys. Plo Koon remained quiet for a little longer, leaving you more time to fight the instinct that told you to lean closer to him before he moved his arms. His taloned hand brushed the back of your own and his vambrace bumped your forearm as he brought his arms up to cross over his torso. You couldn’t help but dwell on the feeling of even that minuscule contact which almost caused you to miss the compliment he paid your way. 

“Uh...th-thank you, General.” You coughed into your fist in a not so subtle way to correct your stutter. “But really, my plan is only good because my data was good. You should really thank your men that got me the information.” 

The Kel Dor made a huffing sound that would have sounded like a laugh if not for the heavy overlay from his mask. “Believe me, Major, I will but you do deserve some of the credit.” He stressed, even going so far as to grasp your shoulder very briefly. You could still feel the imprint of his touch when he moved his hand away. 

“Anakin, you’re being unusually quiet.” Obi Wan saved you from further implosion as he addressed his former padawan. You and Plo Koon both turned your attention back to the other occupants in the room and you were unsettled to find General Skywalker’s eyebrows furrowed in scrutiny as he glanced between you and the Jedi Master. Perhaps more alarming though was Wolffe’s face. He was staring at Plo Koon with what you could only describe as a bug-eyed look. 

“Just thinking, master.” Skywalker eventually answered. Your jaw tensed in uncertainty though the younger man said nothing more regarding the visual dissection of your interaction. 

The meeting continued for a few more minutes with you working to finalize the more minute details and to take measures to establish backup plans that would most likely be abandoned by the Jedi at the first sign of conflict and the Jedi began to disperse with their own CO’s. Eventually, that left just you, Wolffe, and Plo Koon. At the first sign that the meeting was adjourned, you began to pack your things up and to log off the computers but instead of leaving you to your own devices like you thought he would, Plo Koon remained with you. He casually waited at the console you had left him at with his hands clasped before his diaphragm, a common gesture for him you’d noticed, while Wolffe awkwardly hovered near the door. 

“Was there anything else you needed, General?” You asked, glancing over your shoulder at the Kel Dor. He stood up straight and approached with light footsteps. 

“Not particularly, Major, but I would like to congratulate you once again on another excellently thought out plan.” Plo Koon’s voice was as calm as it ever was but there was something there-a slight lilt you weren’t familiar with or maybe it was better described as a squeak? Slowly spinning on your heel, you turned to face him. 

“Well,...thank you, General. It...It’s my job.” A part of you swore at your inability to take a compliment properly while the other parts were all focused on Plo Koon. Sure, he’d complimented you on your plans before (he did during the meeting) but he had always reserved the more serious praise for after the missions and the debriefings. He’d never stayed after the preliminary meetings. 

“If you don’t mind, I’d prefer if you called me Plo Koon-it feels far too impersonal to be addressed as ‘general’ outside of meetings.” The Kel Dor explained with a raised hand to stop you from saying anything else till he had said his piece. 

You blinked. Once. Twice. Before eventually sliding your gaze over to Wolffe who had a hand clasped over his eyes. That gesture only added kindling to the confused fire as you returned to the man in front of you. There didn’t seem to be anything amiss-his mask looked in place and to your knowledge, he hadn’t been in the medbay recently. “As...whatever you wish...Plo.” You swallowed, his name-something you’d said in your head thousands of times before-felt foreign on your tongue. “You can of course call me ‘Y/n’...then.” You offered uncertainly. 

“Of course,” he echoed with a nod. “I’ve always thought your name fitting.” 

“Thank you…?” You asked uncertainly. 

“I just mean that it is a strong name and you bear it well.” 

“...” Again, you couldn’t help but look over at Wolffe who had taken his face in his hands in what could only be described as a picture of absolute mortification. His helmet was awkwardly squished into his chest as he shook his head from side to side, lips moving as he formed words you couldn’t hear from where you stood. “I...uh...I like your name too, Plo. It’s gentle…?” You tried as you returned your attention to the Kel Dor and raised one shoulder in a half-shrug. 

He brightened, back straightening up as he continued to regard you. “Thank you, I’m rather fond of it myself.” A silence fell over the two of you-horribly tense and laced with an awkward air you had no way of dissipating anytime soon. Averting your eyes from the Jedi, you rolled your lips in and bit them as you fished for something else to say. 

“Is...are you sure there wasn’t anything you needed, General?” You finally asked after shifting on your feet for the third time. 

Plo Koon shook his head, less in a form of denial and more like he was trying to shake himself out of a stupor before answering. “I’m positive but while we’re on the subject of names I feel it is important for me to inform you of the new one circulating amongst my men.” 

You raised your eyebrow at the Jedi, not missing the way Wolffe froze entirely. “A new name for me or…?” 

“For you.” Plo nodded. “It seems as though they’ve taken a liking to calling you ‘Major Buir’.” There was something in his voice that told you he was smiling (or the Kel Dor equivalent of smiling) beneath his anti-ox mask. 

“Buir?” You questioned as your mind raced to dig up a definition for the Mando’a word you’d heard assigned to the Jedi on multiple occasions. “As in what the Wolfpack calls you?” 

“Indeed. Are you familiar with Mando’a?” 

“After fighting alongside the clones?-of course, but I’m afraid most of the terms I know relate to fighting, tactics, or swearing.” You explained promptly with a glance to Wolffe at the mention of his language-the clone in question looked frozen in his spot and it seemed like he was no longer alone as you could swear you saw the familiar red hair of Boost and the silver of Sinker ducking behind the doorway. 

Plo Koon suddenly leaned forward, getting closer to your height as his voice dropped to just above a whisper. “Buir is Mando’a for ‘parent’, Y/n.” Immediately, it felt as though someone had locked you in carbonite-your heart was still warm as it surged with affection for the men of the 104th yet at the same time your body felt the familiar frozen tingle that so often accompanied the sensation of treading through uncharted territory. You were keenly aware of Plo Koon’s proximity and the way your heart sped as a result. In an attempt to combat this you took a deep breath to steady yourself and regain control over your vocal chords. But that was a mistake as Plo’s natural scent infiltrated your senses. He smelled of leather and fresh air, of tea tree and some other piquant scent you couldn’t name that you knew was the remnant of one of the contraband candles he had hidden aboard the ship. It was so him-something the standard issue GAR soap couldn’t hide-that it overwhelmed you in an instant and you found yourself leaning closer. He, a flame, and you, a moth. 

Your lips parted slightly as your face relaxed and you swore that you’d never felt calmer. It felt like someone was wrapping you in a hug; you felt safe, wanted, and adored. “But...if they call you that and are now calling me that…” you began through the sudden dwam your mind floated in. The pieces were starting to fall into place. “Then...General Plo Koon,” your voice suddenly became firm as you forced yourself to step back, “Are you trying to flirt with me?” 

Plo Koon straightened up, his hands finding their usual resting place crossed in front of his stomach. “I am. Was it not obvious?” He asked, his held tilting to the left just slightly. 

You briefly thought back to the somewhat strange string of compliments he’d paid you that lead up to this. “Uh...no, not really.” You explained quickly, eyes now flickering around the room in an attempt to come up with a reply to this revelation. 

“Hmm.” Plo Koon hummed. “My apologies then. Boost encouraged me to be forward-perhaps it was not enough?” You blinked up at him, gaping like a fish-if that was Plo being forward then you wouldn’t have stood a chance if he had taken a subtle route. 

Before you could say anything though, Wolffe’s explosive voice cut through the briefing room as he rounded on Boost. “You told him to do what?!” The commander barked at his red-headed brother who had long since abandoned hiding behind the doorway and was now standing tall with his chest slightly puffed. 

“Oh come on, Vod, we both know the General likes ‘em! And Major Buir wasn’t going to pick up on it anytime soon. I was just trying to help!” He huffed back, practically getting in Wolffe’s face. 

“Meddling isn’t helping, Boost!” 

“I dunno-seemed pretty effective, Commander.” Sinker chimed in. 

Wolffe wheeled on him next. “Don’t tell me you were in on this too!” The one-eyed clone seethed. “If you weren’t my brother I’d-”

“Boys!” You snapped, having heard enough. The three brothers stopped immediately and turned to you; each one bore a similarly sheepish grin. With a shake of your head, you turned back to Plo who had watched on in amusement. “Plo, I’m flattered but...what about your code? I know attachments are dangerous and I wouldn’t want to be the reason you-” 

The Jedi master raised a hand. “My dear, attachments aren’t dangerous. It is how they can be used against a Jedi that is.” 

“I don’t follow.” You tried only for Plo to shake his head. 

“Yes, you do.” The Kel Dor dropped to your height again. “Y/n, if attachments themselves were dangerous Jedi would also be forbidden from being compassionate.” You were stricken silent, painfully aware of the three pairs of eyes currently fixated on the two of you. “But even if they were, I’d still find you worth the risk.” Your heart melted, a soft ‘Plo’ slipping past your lips that made the Kel Dor incline his head. “I know you care for me too, Y/n, so...are you willing to be with me?” 

You bit your lip in thought, a smile creeping across your face as you looked up at the Jedi. “I’m guessing there’s no talking you out of this?” 

“You may try but my feelings will persist.” Plo countered immediately-a lightness to his voice you hadn’t heard before. 

You chuckled briefly and let your gaze slide over to the three clones now curiously peering at the two of you. You took in their identical faces and the imploring looks each one was giving you. When had the Wolfpack wormed their way into your heart? Probably around the same time their general did. You turned back to Plo Koon. “I say...of course,” You smiled and slipped onto your toes to wrap your arms around the Kel Dor’s neck. He returned the embrace with a low hum, his arms slipping around your waist, “ner Jetti.” You could hear whooping and hollering from the entrance to the briefing room. 

……………………………………………………..

The barracks were dark and crowded later that night-many of the men from the 104th had all crammed into one room to watch the holofilm you’d smuggled onto the starship. It had been about three weeks since the fateful meeting that led to the union of you and General Plo Koon and each day had brought a new development in your aliit as word of your relationship spread. For the most part, none of the men were surprised-some even commenting on how Plo Koon was apparently unable to tear his eyes off of you during meetings, holocalls, or your brief but frequent trips to the base on Coruscant. But there were a few who weren’t expecting it at all. 

But everyone you’d told had been supportive. And now as you sat curled into Plo Koon’s side with clones draped all around you as most dozed off in the peaceful barracks you could safely say that you’d found where you belong. 

A tug on your arm pulled you away from the nearly impossible to hear holofilm (the few soldiers that were still awake had turned the volume down so they could let their brothers sleep) and to the clone currently barely awake with his head on your lap. “What is it, Boost?” You asked in a whisper, keenly aware of the sleeping Sinker and Wolffe on Plo’s other side. Still, your voice managed to catch the Jedi’s attention as he turned his head towards the two you. 

The red head stared up at you blearily, a yawn interrupting him before he began speaking. “I just wanted to say that I’m happy you and general buir are together now. And that I’m glad I could help.” 

A breathy laugh escaped you that Plo helped quiet with a hand over your mouth. He dipped his head to gesture at Wolffe who grumbled and curled closer to Sinker in his sleep. In retaliation, you batted his hand away and rolled your eyes at the Kel Dor before looking back at the sleepy man. “I am too, Boost. Thank you.” You answered fondly, letting your head fall against Plo’s shoulder. 

“Like I said-” he cut off to yawn, “happy to help...major...buir.” Boost trailed off as his eyes closed and he wormed his way closer to you. 

You smiled. “Thank you, ner ad’ika.” As Boost officially fell victim to dream land you turned towards Plo who had watched the exchange carefully. The same feeling of being hugged, of being safe, wanted, and loved infiltrated your senses but you now recognized it as Plo’s signature. Still bearing that soft painted smile, you pressed your forehead to his. A final whisper of thank you slipped from you as you resigned yourself to stay in that moment forever. 

[im-the-punk-who]

Hi! I’m new to the fandom and I’m simply curious (not trying to start a feud or anything), why don’t you like Steinberg?

Hello dear anon! And welcome to the fandom! 

Oof. That’s a question. xD 

I’m going to try and stay as uh. neutral as possible. Because I’ve already written the post I know I failed but, the intent in answering this is also not to start a feud or hurt anyone’s feelings. 

Okay, so I got fairly negative in this chilis tonight, so I want to start by saying that even in light of the opinions I’m about to express, Black Sails is one of, if not my number one, favorite TV shows of all time. Certainly in recent memory - I’ve been hyperfixating on this show for 18 months with no sign of stopping, and I have a tremendous amount of respect for everyone who worked on the show - even Steinberg. (The one exclusion is Michael Bay, he can go twist.)

AND I think Stienberg is an incredibly talented writer. Black Sails is one of my favorite shows because it does such a wonderful job of weaving stories, creating characters, and melding things in a way that is both unexpected and makes sense narratively. I have changed as a person because of the show, and they will have to pry James McGraw and Thomas Hamilton from my cold dead knives-attached-to-them hands. None of what I’m going to say is meant to detract from that.

I will also say that a lot of these issues are not particular to Steinberg and are in fact a systemic problem with American TV + Film. And I’m not leaving Robert Levine out of my criticism, it’s just that Steinberg had the biggest hand in the pot(he wrote a full half the episodes) and a lot of what I’ve heard as far as talking about the show comes from Steinberg. So, he gets the brunt. But it isn’t that I think Steinberg was the only problematic element of the show. 

Also, these are all my opinions and are colored by how I interact with my fandoms. I am not only a fandom veteran, but I work and pretty much live in the entertainment industry. I work in indie film and theatre and am surrounded by artists and creators of all walks of life, like, constantly. I know what is possible, and when I see something that can be improved, I want to note it because it is important to me to always be striving forward. Like Miranda says about Thomas, this isn’t out of malice, or out of hate. It’s because I genuinely love this show, and I love entertainment as a whole, and I think in order to get to a better, more inclusive industry we have to have hard conversations and look critically at the media we consume, and it is frustrating to me to time and again see the same faces in the room. 

But if that isn’t your cuppa, that’s fine! Fandom isn’t meant to be stressful and if all you want to do is watch a show about gay pirates that is your tomato and I applaud you. Have at it you funky motherfucker.

OH! One more. At some point I’m going to talk about Silverflint. When I do, it is NOT meant as a ‘you shouldn’t/cant ship this’ or ‘this pairing is bad’ or any negative attack on the people who ship that pairing. My criticisms in this post are exclusively about what it means for Steinberg as a writer and Black Sails’ representation of gay and mlm men. While it’s not my cuppa, this is a sail your own ship blog. 

OKAY! SO! 

My main criticisms of Steinberg & Co boil down to:

The homozygosity of the writers and directors shows a complete lack of desire to include marginalized people in the writing of a show that is about them. Which leads to:

The centering of white men while choosing a historical setting and time period that was in fact dominated by people of color and specifically a black woman, 

The gratuitous inclusion of violence against women, particularly sexual violence, and again, that the female characters are often sidelined for the central male characters. 

SO.

Black Sails is a show centered around queer, female, and black leads, and yet there were only two non white-male directors (one bi-racial man and one white woman) and only 7 female writers - one of whom was Latina. The entire rest of the major creative staff was white men. I’m not going to comment on sexualities but none of the writers or directors are out as queer according to a quick google search. 

Let me reiterate the important bit there. 

In Black Sails, where the last two seasons specifically feature around a real, actually-happened-in-history event that shaped black history in the Caribbean, there was not a single black writer on the entire show. 

This is the main difference between inclusion for inclusion’s sake, and actually centering marginalized voices. Black Sails has a ton of gay, POC, and female rep in front of the camera but practically zero representation behind it, which leads to storylines and implications that Steinberg and his writers, as white men, simply would never realize.

It’s like why Silver and Miranda never realized the true reasons James was waging war on England. They just did not have the life experiences to realize they were missing a piece of the puzzle, and so they filled in their own without even realizing they’d done so. 

Because no one in the room of Black Sails was a part of these marginalized identities, nuances get lost or mistranslated, motivations get muddled through a white man’s gaze(or a straight person’s) and implications that someone within those communities might think is obvious won’t even come up.

And again, because there were no writers or directors of color in the last two seasons (the biracial man directed episodes 2x02 and 2x04 - WHICH MAKES SENSE IMO) the entirety of the historical lore that the show bases itself on in its latter half is filtered through a white man’s lens. And so there is no discussion of how changing something changes the meaning, how leaving someone out or changing their role to be more minor might affect people for whom that is their heritage. How the entire story they’re telling might change with one simple exclusion or addition.

So, how does this relate directly to Steinberg, you ask? Well, simply, because it was his show. 

Steinberg(and Levine) were involved in every major decision about the show, from its conception, to the script, to choosing the writers and directors. They chose how they wanted the show to look, to think, what stories to tell and how they wanted to tell them. Their decisions(and the biases that formed those decisions) are woven into the show.

And look. I don’t for a second believe any of this was willful or malicious. I don’t think that John Steinberg and Robert Levine sat down one day and said ‘you know what would make the gays really angry? If we locked the only two canonically gay men up in a prison camp.’

But the decisions that were made in the show were based in ignorance in a way that shows more than just simple negligence or laziness(especially given the attention to detail in everything else). The things they leave out or change in the Maroon War plotline for instance are not small details easily missed. They are big, giant waving flags. They are things that are irreplaceable to still have the same events and stories and tell them respectfully. 

It shows an insane amount of privilege to, for instance, write a show airing during a time when the Black Lives Matter movement was at the forefront of the American conscience, include black characters and black storylines, and yet not include a single black voice on their creative team. 

In a show that centers a gay man’s love and his journey in attempting to process the horrible things done to him and his lover because of it, we are given just forty minutes of the entire show dedicated to their relationship - and just fifteen of those minutes actually feature the lover! 

(Relatedly, the entirety of the gay romantic rep is two kisses, and a forehead touch. That’s the entirety of your gay intimacy representation. And yet there are in the first two seasons alone - because that’s all I’ve clocked so far - something like twenty seven minutes of scenes involving a naked or half naked woman. Five minutes of that is explicitly wlw sex.

Again, I just want to reiterate this because it’s important in recognizing bias. 

There is fully twice as much female nudity in the first two seasons, as the entirety of the time the two gay characters have together on screen. )

Steinberg is a perfect example of how a lack of understanding why the diversity you are representing is important, matters. I dislike Steinberg because he, just like every other straight white cis man I have known, profited off of marginalized voices without including them or creating with them in mind.

Art does not exist in a vacuum. You cannot create something - especially something as back breakingly, intensely a labor of love as Black Sails - without putting several pieces of yourself into it. But those pieces color your narrative. They will expose things about you that you don’t even realize. And it’s in these places we are weakest, and why a diverse group of writers with a diverse group of experiences can help a piece be stronger. But for whatever reason, John Steinberg thought that he could make art with only people who looked and thought and experienced like him. 

The lack of representation behind the camera in Black Sails was evident in front of it and yet Steinberg is out here getting to pretend like he created the most inclusive groundbreaking show that ever existed. It is important to me, personally, to acknowledge that. And that it kind of makes my skin crawl in the way all media made by straight white (cis)men makes my skin crawl. I wish I didn’t have to feel that way about my favorite tv show just because it was created by a man of privilege, but here we are.

SO. I hope that helped? Feel free to take what you want and leave what you don’t! 

Below the cut is a more in depth look at things that I think show what I’m talking about, but that up there ^^ is the gist. <3 |D

SURPRISE!

The Maroons and the Maroon War

So the first thing I want to point out is that the Maroon War was a real thing that happened. It lasted ten years, and resulted in the most substantial victory the Maroons ever achieved against the British. Not only that, there was in fact a KICKIN’ badass female leader of the maroons named Queen Nanny, who is to this day honored as a national hero in Jamaica. While they weren’t able to drive the British out, the outcome of this war led to a mostly self-governing Maroon population in Jamaica from the mid 1700s on. This was a long term fight that had a very tangible and real outcome, even if it didn’t end in the destruction of colonialism. 

And what is this war turned into in Black Sails? A white ‘madman’s revenge’  that is doomed to failure after six months.

That, my dear pirates, is a problem for me. (And those familiar with my brand of spiceyness know that I do not ascribe to the ‘Flint is a Madman’ trope, but that IS what Steinberg ascribes to, what he seems to have written the show thinking.) 

There was no narrative reason to include the Maroon War in the narrative of Black Sails. The Maroon War didn’t happen until a decade after the Golden Age of Piracy, and aside from Silver’s wife being a black woman there is no mention of Silver ever having contact with them. To me, this feels like the choice of a showrunner who found a cool historical event and saw a chance to up the stakes of their white male heroes while getting in some sweet sweet POC rep. 

Except that they then took the major events of the Maroon War and gave them to their white characters, Flint and Silver. 

Here’s the thing. If you’re going to take a piece of culturally important history and use it for your show, you NEED to have sensitivity writers. You need to have people who are at least familiar with those events and who care about them to do them justice. Have an expert come in and read your script or go over your ideas. Or just like. Hire a black writer. Hire ONE black writer. As a treat.

The important Maroon figures, Nanny, Cudjoe, and Quao, all get sidelined or ‘sexified’ and then used as plot points for the white characters. Nanny gets split into two women - the older mother queen and Madi, the young naive warbent visionary. Quao(Mr. Scott is the closest, or Kofi possibly) gets killed off because the writers realized they didn’t exactly have a place for him in their writing. Cudjoe(Julius) gets a few scenes and one good speech but his entire role in the war gets given to Silver. And THEN. That sexy Queen Madi figure gets used as emotional bait for Silver and then has to learn he has betrayed her and destroyed the hope and freedom she had wanted to bring to her people. 

Gross, pirates. Gross.

Anne Bonny/Max/Mary Read - a heads up, this section includes a semi in-depth discussion of both Max and Anne’s sexual assaults. If that bothers you, the paragraphs talking about that begin with a ***

COOL NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT LESBIANS. Words my 20 year old self would never have imagined coming out of my mouth. 

Specifically, I want to talk about Max, and Anne, and their backstories both involving extreme sexual trauma at the hands of men. And then Mary Read and the once again sexification of female characters.

(Actually while I’m here another criticism I have of Steinberg is that his writing does not seem to recognize how queer people existed in the past - again, likely because he didn’t have any gay historians to be like ‘actually buddy that doesn’t make sense also why is Anne not dressing as a man? If you want to fuck with anything and insert modern day terminology and ideas into this show, make her non binary and REALLY piss off the hetties.’)

(This same ficitonal gay dramaturg who is definitely not me has also questioned John Steinberg repeatedly about where Mary Read is, unsatisfied with the answer ‘well we wanted her to be hot so we made her a sex worker and then had Anne have to rescue her but then we realized it would be weird not to include her actual character so we gave her a five second cameo at the very end of the series and also made her like 13.’)

Anyway! So my main point in bringing up Anne and Max is the sexual trauma they are exposed to in the show, particularly being that they are the two primary wlw in the show, who Steinberg has said he views as being completely gay, and what THAT whole unexamined idea looks like. 

***Max. My dear Max. There was literally no reason to have her be repeatedly r*ped(and for the love of god there was even less reason to make it that gratuitous and graphic). Max being assaulted like that did not add anything to the gravity of Eleanor’s betrayal. The traumatic event was being tossed aside by Eleanor, and that could have been just as emotionally damaging without the sexual assault. And the only reason for her to be continually assaulted was to bring her and Anne together. 

***The reason imo that Max’s r*pe plot was added was because it was the only thing these white straight men could come up with that felt emotionally damaging enough to them. The act of betrayal itself wasn’t enough, the act of being thrown away, of having a lover put your life in danger because of her own ambitions wasn’t enough, they needed her to be r*ped to really drive home the point. 

***Anne, on the other hand, is never shown being sexually abused, but we are given an explicit account of her own traumatic history and how Jack saved her from this vile beast who was passing her around to his friends.

But here’s the thing pirates - that never happened. According to every account we have of Anne Bonny, she chose her husband, and married him against her father’s wishes. They were probably relatively happy until her husband started being a pirate spy and Anne started cheating on him with Jack. 

And yes, when they were found out. Her husband had her beat. That’s not fucking cool, and if they really wanted to go the damsel in distress route they still could have had Jack ‘save’ her from that. But at no point was she sexually abused by her husband(at least not in any accounts I’ve read.) 

You know who did likely sexually abuse her or at least manipulate her and Mary for his own benefit? If you guessed our Rat man Jack Rackham, you would be correct, because when he found out about Mary and Anne’s (supposed, but probably real) relationship, it’s implied he extorted both of them into fucking him to keep their secret from the crew. 

The addition of sexual abuse to Anne’s past isn’t done to be true to her character and was in fact explicitly untrue. Now of course I don’t know the reasons why they chose to do this, but I can guess. Just as with Max, the most traumatic thing a male writer can think of for a female character is for them to be sexually abused.

And the most disturbing part of this to me? The parallels it has to the real world of why straight men think lesbians exist. These characters who would be called man haters in present day are given these incredibly traumatic man-centered histories. It brings up something very uncomfortable in me about particularly wlw sexuality being viewed as a reaction to trauma at the hands of men. It’s just gross, I dont like it, and honestly there is no fucking excuse for it besides a room full of white straight men writing this bullshit. A room that Steinberg chose, because they fit his ideas.

In Fact heck, the women of Black Sails in general

***I honestly struggle to think of a single female character who I think was treated fairly in Black Sails. Miranda and Eleanor are killed for taking sides and not understanding their partners, Madi is betrayed in the worst way possible, Max is given a pseudo empowering ending but has that fucking terrible start. Idelle ends off fairly well, but tied to a man she may or may not have any actual feelings for, in what is essentially a political marriage. And Anne has her entire identity tied to a man who will be dead in two years as she is robbed of any agency whatsoever without him. (Oh, and the whole r*pe thing. And also her support for Max’s r*pe or death until she started having fee-fees. Who wrote this stuff. >_>)

Even though the characterization of each and every one of these women is PHENOMENAL - and again I will repeat that I absolutely LOVE these characters as they exist in a vacuum. I think they are well rounded, real, feeling people given motivations and drives and FEELINGS and they SHOW THEIR ANGER and i LOVE THEM. 

But the show punishes them for it. Miranda is essentially fridged to move Flint’s storyline along, and to make room for Silver. Eleanor is killed for the emotional damage it will cause Rogers. Madi is placed at the center of a conflict she explicitly says she is willing to die for and then not only is her entire cause taken from her, but when she tells Silver to fuck off he - in possibly the most predictable white man move ever - says ‘no i will stay until you change your mind. I will never leave you. I don’t care about your choice in this matter, I will wait forever for you. I’m your biggest fan. I’ll follow you until you love me. papa, - paparazzi.’ 

And I touched on this before, but I want to talk in more detail about what is possibly my hottest take to date, the sexification of Mary Read and Queen Nanny, as they are presented in the show. 

Max is to Anne what Mary Read is, historically. She is the lover that Jack Rackham discovers with Anne, and then he joins them in their bed. They form a triumvirate that upholds Jack at the expense of the women. But for some reason, Steinberg didn’t want to just include Mary Read as an actual character. For some reason he needed to make Anne’s love interest a sex worker who was in need of saving (and who, coincidentally, we never see working the brothel after she becomes lovers with Anne, because she is now a madam. :) Gross.)

And Madi. My dear sweet fucking Madi who didn’t fucking deserve any of this bullshit send tweet. 

So, historically, Queen Nanny was the Queen, spiritual advisor, and the military tactician of the Windward Maroons. She would have filled both Madi and the Queen’s character roles(and Flint’s, but who’s counting. A BLACK GAY LEAD? Inconceivable. I digress.) But, I guess, because they were wishy-washing with Silver’s sexuality or felt they needed to give him a female love interest because of Treasure Island, or because they were leaning a bit too hard into the gay shit and needed to backpedal, they took Queen Nanny and split her into a character who is for all intents and purposes powerless in the war and Madi, who is young and naive and does not have any real world experience outside of the Maroon camp.

Because that’s sexy, or something. They could have had the Maroon Queen be a fucking badass lady who works and fights alongside Flint and Silver and one ups them and teaches them shit and has her own ideas about where the British can stick it, but instead they made her into the perfect caricature of a female monarch, letting the big strong men handle the dirty work or something. Because white male power fantasies. 

Just let women be powerful and not nubile and let them have character arcs over fucking thirty and let them be CENTERED in their own. fucking. narratives. 

God damnit Steinberg.

James Flint, mlm extraordinaire

Oh, my love. My most amazing child. The light of my life. My purest cinnamon roll. 

~~And now we’ve come to the dreaded Silverflint criticism part of our programming. Please please know and remember this isn’t a criticism of people who ship Silverflint. As I said up top, Your Tomato Is Not My Tomato and that’s cool. Please don’t take this next part as an attack on Silverflint as a fandom ship.~~

My criticism of Steinberg as it relates to Flint is related to:

What a romantic/sexual relationship with Silver being the basis of the tension and plot means for Flint in particular as a gay or mostly mlm man. 

Refusing to confirm Thomas and James being alive at the end and honestly the whole finale in general but like I’ll try and focus.

The major problem I have with Silver and Flint being coded as in love with each other is the implications there in terms of gay men’s relationships to other men. 

From every corner, men are inundated with the idea that any close relationship between them must be gay. That intimacy cannot exist unless there are sexual feelings involved. That a relationship cannot be close, deep and soul shattering and life altering, unless one guy secretly(or not so secretly) wants to bone the other dude. That two men cannot value each other as partners or friends or truly know each other unless they are gay.

Seeing both of the meaningful relationships Flint forms with other men be sexually coded feels a bit the same way as Anne and Max’s sexual assault plotlines does vis-a-vis being wlw. (Even with Gates, Flint never spoke about Thomas or his plans - Silver is absolutely the closest person to Flint besides Thomas and Miranda.) And this is just as true for Silver. Having both Flint and Madi - the two people he trusts - both be people he’s in love with also just feels. I don’t know. 

It feels like a confusion between male intimacy and male love that is so so familiar to me as a gay man I could choke on it. Where they wanted these men to have a deep and really lasting connection, but could only figure out how to do it if they were in love. Friendship wouldn’t have been enough - only romantic and sexual love is enough for the gay man(or men, at all).

Just because it isn’t queerbaiting doesn’t mean it’s good rep, and I would have liked to see truly deep male friendships that did not center on sexual attraction - particularly for Flint as a confirmed mlm(and Silver too, if you’re counting him. The same arguments for why I dislike Flint being paired with Silver are also true in the reverse.) 

Even if both Flint and Silver were confirmed mlm I still would have LOVED to see a platonic relationship between them. In fact I would have loved that EVEN MORE. Men! Who fuck men! Not needing to fuck each other to be important to one another! Who made this. Very delicious. 

But because there weren’t any queer writers on the show, writers who understand this kind of struggle that gay and mlm men face, they thought ‘oh, let’s also have them be in love with each other. More gay rep is better gay rep, right?’ False. THOUGHTFUL gay rep is better gay rep.

Okay and here’s my last thing. The fact that Steinberg refuses to say whether or not the explicitly mlm men are alive at the end of the show - that the words he specifically uses are ‘up for interpretation’ is. Fuck, it’s gross, okay? It’s fucking gross. 

I have been around enough men, enough people in power, enough people with leverage who also know how to play the field, to know that when someone wants a group’s support but does not agree with them, their go to phrasing is that it is ‘up for debate’ or ‘up for interpretation.’

Say the gays are alive. Steinberg refusing to acknowledge the reality of the ending of his show to maintain his own sense of artistic integrity is what, honestly, really sets me off about him and I don’t care if this is a nuanced take.

Like yes, death of the author. I honestly don’t care if he thinks they’re dead or alive. What I care about is that he thinks he can get away with being clever and leaning hard into a story is true/untrue’ - doesn’t realize what the implications of that are, and didn’t when he was writing, and didn’t have anyone else in the room who would think about it either. 

ANYWAY. So this is....my long drawn out explanation for why I do not like Steinberg. Uhhhhh tune in next week for more of my totally unpopular opinions!

[victoriareyloficlists]

Enemies-to-Lovers

Updated 14 November 2021

Rest of the Masterlist.

(won’t you let me) walk you home from school by somethingdifferent (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 32 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben, a counselor in the upper school at the legendary Alliance Academy, keeps finding himself interacting with the lower school art teacher, Rey. He definitely doesn’t like it.) A Beautiful Mess by MizuPhoenix (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben/Kylo is a new dad, left with a baby and note from a one night stand. Rey is his flighty loud neighbor, who always has way too many friends at her house and doesn't make things easy on his new lifestyle. They argue relentlessly, until one day an emergency calls for her help with the baby and spawns them into the path to something heated in a different way. ) A Dinner For Two by Ayearandaday (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, 7 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Finn gets caught while hacking for the information about Rey's parents she agrees to spend an hour every day doing whatever Mr. Ren requests to save her friend from prison. But what could her mysterious employer want from her?) A Life Made Right by Flaignhan (AO3 2019  Rated G Complete, 5 Chapters, Canon AU, Quick Synopsis: Snoke was dead, to begin with. A Christmas Carol in Star Wars.) a rey of light that warms you at night, a fire so bright it burns with might by Lutrosis (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben never told Rey the whole story of his past, before he began to work for Snoke. But after she witnesses one of his nightmares, he opens up to her. Rey is fiercely protective and she will move the world to right the wrongs done to her love.) A Season of Frost & Warmth by shewhospeakswiththunder (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, 6 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben and Rey attend a costume party and there is contention between them; also including descriptions of season-appropriate cooler fall temperatures, warm clothing, and pining.) a tale of baseball and broken elevators by Zoa (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey has sprained her knee. The elevator in her building is broken. She lives on the sixth floor. Her neighbor, Ben Solo, has arrived in the nick of time to help, but there's one problem: she hates him.) Across the Stars by nite0wl29 (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 20 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: A Reylo re-telling of Beauty and the Beast where Rey falls in love with Kylo Ren without ever seeing his face. In the beginning learning the curse could be broken had given him hope. Yet as he grew more reclusive that hope faded to cynicism. He snorted to himself at the memory, pushing away all of those ridiculous thoughts of hope that someone could ever love him like this aside. A hideous masked monster. He looked like a monster. No. I am a monster, he thought to himself. No one in their right mind would ever look at him and think twice to even consider the option. For who could ever learn to love a monster?) Adrift by HeartSabers (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 16 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: The A/B/O, You’ve got Mail, environmentally engaged AU no one needs and no one wants.) Against Regulations by andabatae (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben is the president of the Homeowner's Association and Rey is the new person on the block who flouts the rules. What happens when their soulmate marks match?) All I Know Is We Said Hello (Your eyes look like coming home) by LadyReylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 4 Chapters, Canon AU, Quick Synopsis: What if during peace talks, a simple touch of hands ends in an undeniable connection that terrifies and confuses Rey, but not as much as Kylo’s sudden change in behaviour. Could the evil Supreme Leader of the First Order actually be... nice? A Soulmates AU.) Already Home by AttackoftheDarkCurses (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 13 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey used the alias Kira and matched with Kylo on a soulmate matching website. How will she be able to tell him that she's fallen in love with her enemy (and roommate) Ben Solo?) America's Asshole by monsterleadmehome (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo is a critically acclaimed (but widely despised) movie star. Dubbed "America's Asshole" by the press, he has recently finished a stint in an anger management facility after punching his last agent in the face. Rey Niima is a top talent agent and is outraged to find out she has been assigned to be Ben Solo's newest victim. ) Anonymous by andabatae (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 4 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: At the annual Halloween office party, Ben and Rey hook up, but neither one knows who the other is because of their costumes.) Anything to Win by Erulisse17 (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey hates losing. She hates losing almost more than she loves winning. Which is why she's in the ridiculous position of asking Kylo Ren, the very person who keeps beating her at the singles costume contest, to team up with her to dominate the couples contest and trounce Phasma and Hux once and for all. Working with Kylo is a necessary evil, but really, she'd do anything to win. Anything! Unless... it's falling in love.) as luck would have it by prncesselene (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 16 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When a case of violent food poisoning ruins Rose and Hux’s honeymoon plans, who better to take their place at a pre-paid Hawaiian beach resort than the Maid of Honor and Best Man? Sure, it’ll take some maneuvering, but a free vacation is a free vacation. They just have to pretend to be devoted newlyweds for a bit to enjoy it. There’s only one glaring issue, really: they can’t stand each other.) auld lang syne by KyloTrashForever (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben is sure that Rey is taunting him for the crush he has on her. Rey is completely oblivious to his struggle until "Rey" takes it too far.) Believe it or not by P_Dunton (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 8 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Everyone can see their soulmates when they sleep. Except for Rey Niima. When she closes her eyes, there’s never anyone there. Most say this happens when the other soul partner doesn’t sleep. After years and years of this, Rey has given up on ever finding her other half. Ben Solo is an angry, bitter shell of a man. He tries to stay awake as long as he can, using whatever means possible to avoid dreams. Because his soulmate is dead.) Ben, You Ignorant Slut Chapter 1 by JJJJ12 (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Johnson is forced to sit across from irritating salesman Ben Solo. He’s arrogant, prone to temper tantrums, but worst of all, good at his job. To complete the prank of all pranks, she sends him a love letter hoping to turn his world upside down.) Bespoke by fettuccine_alfreylo (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 12 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When new stylist Rey Jackson receives a request to dress the hottest (and most unfashionable) new actor in Hollywood, she gets a lot more than she bargained for. Mentally AND physically. Because Ben Solo is freaking massive.) Both Telling Lies by GreyForceUser (ReyandKyloforever) (AO3 2020  Rated E Incomplete, 1 of 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben and Rey run into each other at a club and meet in the bathroom at 12:05. They may be something, but they can never be friends.) Brand New Bag by DhampirsDrinkEspresso (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey doesn't get along with her co-worker Ben...a co-worker who is almost Rey's ideal man and also happens to be the son of her matchmaking boss. When Rey needs help with a children's Christmas party, Ben is sent to save the day-whether he and Rey like it or not.) caught in the headlights by jeeno2 (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Johnson forgets to wear a bra to work. Fortunately, nobody notices. (Except for Ben Solo.)) Charmed by Mae2d2 (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 12 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey has always hated Ben, and it’s always been easy to hate Ben. But at the beginning of sixth year Ben is suddenly tall, handsome, and when he’s looking at her like that she can’t help this fluttering feeling inside. It definitely didn’t help that when she first saw him she had worn the one skirt that had shrunk in the dryer. Ben was trying hard not to think about Rey all summer, but when she showed up wearing that skirt, now she is all he can think about. And he’s having an incredibly hard time pretending to hate her. Especially now that they’re partners in Charms. TW: Teenage Sex) Cheers to Phasma's Flaming Vibrator by 3todream3 (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 1 chapter, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: An unfortunate office fire has caused renovations, and the ever punctual Ben Solo has to share an office with Rey Johnson with whom he has a history.) Christmas Miracle by Dagagada (AO3 2019  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben buys Rey's artwork for a non-profit fundraiser.) Closet Encounters Of The Thirsty Kind by ReyloBrit (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey dislikes Ben. Ben dislikes Rey. Funny, then, that people keep thinking they've come to this party together, and unfortunate that when cops raid the party, there's only one place to hide. And it's such a cramped and confined place too.) Consider... by LoveofEscapism (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Enemies-to-Lovers stuck in an elevator.) Counting Stars by JenfysNest, KyloTrashForever (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In which Rey finds Ben Solo a hard man to like... until she finds him hard for her.) Day Follows Night; Dark Follows Light by LyricalRiot (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, 41 Chapters, Canon CD, Quick Synopsis: Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is distracted, leaving him vulnerable to dangerous plots from within the First Order itself. When death comes for him, he'll have to face it alone — unless the Force can convince one new Jedi to save him. Difficult choices and uncomfortable reunions lie ahead. They'll have to navigate carefully if they have any hope of any tentative alliance between them. But hard as it may be, both know that neither can walk away again.) daylight by sparklylulz (sparklyulz) (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, 4 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Coffee shop employee Rey has a run in with one of the difficult professors. Thus starts a very turbulent friendship until Ben needs a fake date to go with him to see his parents, the first time he's seen his parents in a while.) Death Becomes Her by PalenDrome (nerdherderette) (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Greek Mythology AU, Quick Synopsis: Hades and Persephone AU. Kylo takes Rey to the Underworld, and she realizes that it's not too bad of a place.) Devil Spawn by OptimisticBeth (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: After a hot anonymous encounter at The Annual Organa Halloween Ball, Rey realizes she slept with the horrible guy who is her new boss. But he doesn't recognize her! And he asks her to track down his mystery hookup, which she totally agrees to do (wink wink, haha, she's lying). But then she finds out she's pregnant! ) Dirty Little Secret by SageMcMae (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Kanata is at the top of her class in the Engineering school, on track to graduate summa cum laude, and is the president of the Campus Activities Board. She's an unstoppable force at Tatooine University. But Rey has a secret. And her mortal enemy, Ben Solo, just found out what it is.) Disparate Pieces by aldeeraan (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 24 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Kylo Ren swears he knows the fiery brunette that he ran into one Monday morning. When she shows up in his Law firm, his plans start crumbling to pieces as he begins to realise that she is Rey. His Rey, who he had spent years trying to forget.) Dreaming of Hope by adamsackleriskyloren83 (AO3 2019  Rated M Complete, 2 Chapters, Canon AU, Quick Synopsis: Kylo Ren goes to bed one night only to awaken as Rebel Pilot Ben Solo. Discovering that not only is Rey his wife, but he is also the father of a toddler(s) son/daughter.) Dripping Wet by commandercrouton (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: On Valentine's day Poe proudly gifts Rey a set of man clothes. A second later his furious roommate Ben runs in screaming bloody murder, dripping wet and clad only in towel. Rey just stands there with her jaw on the floor.) Effloresce by lovelydarkanddeep (AO3 2019  Rated M Complete, 17 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey loves her job at Dear Daisy, a budding flower shop that she works at alongside her co-worker Finn and the owner Poe. She does not love, however, the First Order Tattoo Parlor that abuts their quaint shop - and especially does not love the dark-eyed tattoo artist Kylo Ren whom she accidentally cursed out the first time they met. However, fate - otherwise known as Leia Organa Solo - seems to have other plans.) Expanding The Family Tree by WaterlilyRose (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 9 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Life didn't turn out exactly the way Rey imagined but she never imagined she could be this happy. Ben and herself were a good team with their daughter and proved themselves to be good parents.So if it worked once... why not again?) First Order IT, Can I Get Your User ID? by krossartist (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Whenever Rey had to call IT, which was about twice the amount of times a normal person would call "excessive," she got the same IT guy. Every. Damn. Time. She named him Fuckhead. He had grown to hate her fondly.) for love or money by KiKi37 (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 30 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: The loss of a scholarship has left Rey Niima in a financial bind, with only a few months until graduation. Her friend Rose might know of something that could help.) For Now by Celia_and (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Kylo finds his soulmate, she doesn’t know, and he doesn’t tell her) From R to Kylo by SpaceWaffleHouseTM (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 4 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben and Rey are archaeologists who absolutely cannot stand each other. They also happen to be pen pals, but they don't know who the other is, until one night they get trapped together at a creepy excavation site, and suddenly their hatred begins to unravel.) fueled by fire by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben annoys the hell out of Rey when he tries to write passive aggressive notes about where she leaves her stuff. Rey pisses Ben off by being loud and picking a fight whenever she wants. Being neighbors for the last five months has been interesting to say the least. Their little rivalry comes to a crescendo when their hate for each other turns into another kind of passion.) Game On! (aka Deflowering Doctor Jackass) by Crysania (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Rey is stranded at her bookshop in the middle of an upstate NY snowstorm with a local professor she knows only as "Doctor Jackass", she decides the best way to pass the time is to play a game. And that, of course, leads to other activities.) Give in To Me by LoveofEscapism (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: At the office Christmas party, Rey has one too many wines and ends up spilling her darkest secret to none other than her sexy co-worker Ben Solo. Hilarity and some sexy bathroom shenanigans ensue.) Go And Catch A Falling Star Chapter 11 by Ayearandaday (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben asks his father for help with the classmate that has been frustrating him. ) Got a Feeling we Should Just Go Home by slugmutt (AO3 2018  Rated M Complete, 13 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Spending the week before Christmas with sullen deputy-CEO Kylo Ren is the last thing on earth Rey wants to do. Going back to his hometown with Christmas-loving Rey in tow is the last thing Kylo wants to do. But with a little help from family, some holiday magic, and a stray blizzard or two, they might start seeing things differently.) Green by Writingwife83 (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben is annoyed by the excessive plant life on his upstairs neighbor’s balcony, which is directly over his. He eventually reaches his breaking point and decides to confront them) hate me / touch me / need me / love me by andabatae (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Coworkers Kylo and Rey can't stop fighting about anything and everything. They hate each other... right?) Hike A Mountain, Climb A Tree by greywilde (AO3 2021  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey invites the entire office on a weekend hike and only one person shows up: the new IT guy she doesn’t get along with. At all. They hate each other, right? (or maybe, things aren’t the way they seem)) Holy Knot, Batman! by Eskayrobot, Poaxath (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey goes to her coworker's Halloween party as part of a Batman villains group. Ben goes to his cowoker/childhood friend's Halloween party as part of a Justice League group. Rey is Ben's secretary. And Ben and Rey obviously do not like each other. They DON'T! ) Hot N Cold by andabatae (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 4 chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is tired of having to endlessly fix Force Enterprise's ancient HVAC system. As the company's civil engineer, she has plenty of helpful suggestions for improvements, but will CEO Kylo Ren listen?) Housewarming by ArdeaJestin (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When her best friend Rose asks Ben Solo to help on moving day, Rey knows she's in trouble. If only those big strong arms didn't make her forget what an obnoxious jerk he is every time she looked at him.) How You Turn My World, You Precious Thing by BensLostTookaCat (VillainTheBlank) (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: He's the hotshot asshole who leads The First Order, the legal arm of The Resistance. She's the new company liaison who has been assigned to The First Order to keep them accountable.The annual Resistance Masquerade Ball is about to turn Kylo and Rey's worlds upside down.) I Hate You by orphan_account (AO3 2018  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben has been in love with Rey for two years and so when she storms into his office he finally decides he can't keep it in any longer.) I remember fields of flowers by WelcomeToTheBadlands (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: in which ben solo develops a disease that can only be cured if rey loves him back. but that will never happen. right?) I would let you by pleasereylo (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: The first sentence your soulmate speaks to you is tattooed somewhere on your body. And it’s supposed to be exactly that– one sentence.) I'd Find You and I'd Choose you by JGoose13 (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 6 Chapters, Reincarnation AU, Quick Synopsis: wife, fostered her for a time as a child. In order to keep their legacy and light alive, Rey moves in. As she begins to pick through the life of this couple, Rey makes a shocking discovery in the attic. What's worse? The discovery involves her boss, Ben Solo, a man she absolutely abhors.) If You Can't Beat Em'.....Join Em' by PrinceofDarkness15 (AO3 2020  Rated E Incomplete, 4 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: "I really fucking hate you." She grits. "Oh, sweetheart believe me." says Kylo with a sensual smirk that makes her cunt clench. "The feeling is entirely mutual.") ignorance of etiquette by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Regency AU, Quick Synopsis: Lady Rey Kenobi lives a life of pristine comfort and luxury on her family's estate in Chesire with her parents Lord Obi-Wan Kenobi and Lady Satine Kenobi. When they receive word that an old family friend, Lord Benjamin Solo, is coming to visit, Lady Rey is reminded of how he tormented her as a child. She decides that she will prove herself not the same girl she once was in more ways than one.) ignorance of etiquette by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Regency AU, Quick Synopsis: Lady Rey Kenobi lives a life of pristine comfort and luxury on her family's estate in Chesire with her parents Lord Obi-Wan Kenobi and Lady Satine Kenobi. When they receive word that an old family friend, Lord Benjamin Solo, is coming to visit, Lady Rey is reminded of how he tormented her as a child. She decides that she will prove herself not the same girl she once was in more ways than one.) In The Warm Light by Nyx_Fedra (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: It was supposed to be simple, an outlet for their frustrations with one another, like scratching an inch and maybe, maybe, Rey had thought, a way to torment him as much as he tormented her during the day. But it feels as if the only thing they’ve archived is to bond with one another in a way neither of them seems to fully understand.) Insufferable by castles_and_crowns (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Niima and Ben Solo are both student ambassadors at their university. This means that, unfortunately for Rey, they often get stuck with each other at various university events. Rey finds Ben Solo to be an insufferable snob until he begins to slowly prove to be otherwise.) Island Holiday: A Reylo Christmas Story by Rey_KnightofRen (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Violinist Rey Niima is traveling to Hawai‘i to perform in her best friend Finn’s destination wedding the week before Christmas. She’s supposed to be playing a duet with cellist Ben Solo. Although Rey and Ben were rivals back in college, several years have passed since then and Rey discovers that Ben is now a VERY attractive and VERY eligible single dad. She starts to hope that her suitcase isn’t the only thing she’ll be bringing back with her from Hawai‘i…) key to the kingdom by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 12 Chapters, Princess Diaries AU, Quick Synopsis: Most girls get a drunk weekend in Vegas for their 21st birthday, but Princess Rey Kenobi gets the chance to rule the country of Alderaan. But the only way she can become Queen is if she marries a man in 30 days, or the throne goes to the selfish (and annoyingly attractive) usurper Lord Benjamin Solo. Will Rey be able to ascend to the throne or will it all just become a royal pain in the ass?) Knock Me Down by commandercrouton (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben gets a concussion thanks to Rey. Who would have thought getting knocked in the head would bring the romance out?) Labor & Delivery by ReyReySolo (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben is an eminent, stubborn OB. Rey is a brilliant, heartwarming midwife. Will their methods and professional judgement clash or can they find a way to come together for their patients and for themselves?) Left Handed Kisses by Ever-so-reylo (Ever_So_Reylo) (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: A modern AU in which Rey is an Assistant District Attorney working for Leia and Ben is an evil (?) criminal defense lawyer.) Lessons in Attraction by AttackoftheDarkCurses, thebuildingsnotonfire (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 12 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Notorious rivals Ben and Rey teach at Alderaan High. They're constantly bickering and driving their coworkers and students crazy. The only solution is to set them up together, right?) Let's Meet Under the Mistletoe by GreyForceUser (ReyandKyloforever) (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 7 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Johnson and Ben Solo do not get along. Their first meeting was less than impressive. A change in circumstances forces Rey and Ben to work together to stage a huge black-tie Christmas party in a ridiculously short period of time. Only time will tell if they can stand each other long enough to pull it off or if the whole thing will crash and burn.) Lost & Found by commandercrouton (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete , 6 Chapters , Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey loses her kitten, her neighbor finds a kitten.) Love in the Language of Sweaters by SaintHeretical (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Corporate executive Ben Solo mocks holiday sweaters until he sees the delivery girl wear them.) Loveliness Itself by riffraffes (AO3 2016  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In which world-famous actor Kylo Ren refuses to see any potential in up-and-coming actress Rey until they finally act alongside one another, and then she's brilliant, so brilliant that his entire philosophy on the crippling emotion of love is altered. None of that seems to matter, though, because Rey absolutely despises him.) lunch thief by thisismelodrama (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 34 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In which Rey’s son steals Ben’s daughter’s lunch and chaos ensues.) maybe we're from the same star Chapter 2 by INTPSlytherin_reylove97 (AO3 2018  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Mr. KyloKnightsofRen89 was fifteen minutes late and Rey knew the damn app was too good to be true. However, her forced childhood companion *cough* enemy *cough* , Ben Solo, is there to keep her company.) miles from where you are by Mooncactus (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: After an argument over Star Wars fandom with a "gatekeeping, entitled monster" with the cryptic username of KyloRen, Rey finds herself stuck in a series of unavoidable video calls.) Mistle-oh-no by KyloTrashForever (AO3  2019  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey kisses a stranger at a holiday party.) morning light at daybreak by panoramic (worrylesswritemore) (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Engineer Ben has found a way to fire every single assistant Leia keeps hiring for him. This new one, Rey, will be no different. He’s certain of it.) neither here nor there by Like_A_Dove (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: After years of disappointing toy after disappointing toy, Rey is delighted to discover that porn star Kylo Ren’s replica dildo suits her needs perfectly.) Nevertheless, She Persisted by dawninthemtn (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, 24 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Junior campaign staffer Rey works for US presidential candidate Leia Organa and ends up with the job of babysitting her aloof and entitled adult son Ben.) New Year Miseries by allie_wishes (AO3 2018  Rated M Complete, 8 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Modern AU where Rey and Ben date in High School and then his band gets signed and his new manager, Snoke, convinces him that she is holding him back so he dumps her. 8 years later, at a roof top New Year's Eve concert where her band is performing, he may just get a second chance.) Nocturnal Studies And Other Peculiar Magic by WaterlilyRose (AO3 2017  Rated E Complete, 6 Chapters, Harry Potter AU, Quick Synopsis: Hogwarts was the first home Rey ever had. Now she has a chance to return as a grown woman to be the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. She cannot tolerate the Potions Master and former Death Eater that she duelled and scarred so many years ago. Yet unity must be upheld. Gryffindor and Slytherin will unite in ways never before.) Not your omega by riseofskyloren (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Johnson and Ben Solo cannot stand each others, she's way too joyful and he's just so cynical. They're definitely not mate material, not a chance. But what happened when the person you despise the most in the entire world becomes the one your body's craving?) Off guard by TheReadingNook (AO3 2019  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: The last thing Rey is looking for is love. As a single mom, her plate is as full as she wants it to be, but her son seems to think otherwise. And when he sets out to fill that void, they learn some interesting things about life, love, and the bonds of family and friendship.) On Second Thought by KyloTrashForevor (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In which Rey hits Ben with her car and can’t seem to leave him alone.) On Second Thought by KyloTrashForeve (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In which Rey hits Ben with her car and can’t seem to leave him alone.) Once Around The Block by situation_normal (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey wants rid of her V card, and she's got a good idea of who she wants to give it to. Her friend Rose has some bad seduction advice. Ben Solo has a crush on the cute mechanic from his dad's garage. She clearly hates him, since she can't even bear to look at him.) One Stick of Unsalted Butter by HalfwayThrough (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey's neighbor is the rudest, least considerate person she has ever been forced to interact with. However, when she runs out of butter in the middle of night trying to bake cookies for Rose's birthday, there is only person she knows is awake and he is her only hope. Of course, things don't go according to plan.) Peacock by AttackoftheDarkCurses (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 22 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Thanks to a series of misunderstandings, failed attempts at flirting, and loud Katy Perry music, Ben grows to hate his new neighbor. Proposing to her wasn't the best solution to his problems.) Please be my Daddy! by erney007 (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Raising a child while having to do such demanding job is hard. Rey, an ICU nurse, accidentally finds out that her asshole neighbor, Ben Solo, is quite good at babysitting. After plaguing her child with Elsa obsession, Obiwan starting to call him “Papa”. And Ben kind of likes it.) Prank Wars by Hellyjellybean (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: An office AU where Ben and Rey are office rivals pranking each other, & she sends him a glitter bomb.) Revenge is a Dish Best Served Loud by andabatae (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 4 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is so done hearing her neighbor's sex life that when she sees him she gives him piece of her mind. Turns out, Ben, the neighbor, is not even in town during those sexcapades, it's his friend he asked to housesit. Together they plot revenge.) Rey and Her Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Year by Bakubitch (AO3 2017  Rated T Complete, 17 Chapters, Harry Potter AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is eleven when her dreams come true and the Sorting Hat calls out “Gryffindor!”) Satan in a Three-Piece Suit by andabatae (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 13 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey and Ben build a website, enemies to lovers.) Seasons of Love by Daisyflo (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: After his grandmother's death, Ben discovers he inherited her house. First problem: he isn't the only one. Second problem: his new housemate is an Omega.) Self-Inserted by KyloTrashForever (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In which Rey finds out in a very strange way that Ben Solo doesn’t dislike her as much as she first thought.) Sensual Storytime by andabatae (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 7 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Rey Johnson starts a new job, her initially antagonistic relationship with Ben Solo from IT turns into friendship... and maybe something more. Little does she know he also moonlights as Kylo Ren, the creator of her favorite audio erotica. One day at the office, worlds collide, and she realizes the sweater vest-wearing nerd of her dreams is also the tattooed fantasy man she listens to while getting off every night...) so long, my adversary by Like_A_Dove (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 3 chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is snowed in at the bookstore she works at with Ben Solo, her very grumpy manager who she's been crushing on for a year. Too bad he hates her.) So-called "soulmates" by radioactivesaltghoul (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 16 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Most people are excited to meet their soulmate, whose first words to each other are marked on their bodies when they turn sixteen. But most people don’t have insults marked on their skin. Ben Solo has always thought that the concept of soulmates were bullshit, and Rey Jakkusen has been doing everything in her power to avoid a situation where someone might utter the words to her.) Sociology of Sexuality by Celia_and (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: After a semester of verbal sparring, the tension between Rey and Kylo boils over.) Solstice Songs by Erulisse17 (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, 4 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis:  A version of A Christmas Carol, with Kylo being haunted with his own ghosts; Past, Present, and Future.) Someone You Love(d) by AttackoftheDarkCurses (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 7 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: A misunderstanding leads to a lot of hate sex between roommates Ben and Rey. But when Rey ends up joining him on his trip to visit his family, the truth comes out.) Something About November Chapter 4 by SpaceWaffleHouseTM (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Duchess Rey finds herself trapped at the annual party at the Skywalker's manor. Bored to death, she finds refuge in the mansion library hoping to finds some books to survive the evening, and she does... Some rather adult books have been hidden in the back of the library. Ashamed but intrigued, she starts to read, until she gets interrupted by Ben Solo, heir of the Skywalker blood, arrogant casanova, and insufferable childhood acquaintance.) Something Wicked by violethoure666 (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 10 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In the early 2000s Ben Solo and Rey Kenobi were America's sweethearts. Stars of the hit show Something Wicked, they took the world by storm, partying across a gritty Los Angeles landscape and making every headline. By 2017, they aren't speaking, in fact Rey despises Ben and when they are cast together in a rom com, all hell breaks loose. Jumping between the early 2000s and present day, this is the story of two people who found each other, lost each other, and found each other again.) Stay Hungry by jeeno2 (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 11 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey and Ben are researchers who have maintained a rivalry through email. Rey is at a conference when she smells the most enticing Alpha next door. It turns out, that the smell is coming from the Ben.) Strictly Business by WinglessOne (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 11 Chapters, The Proposal Film AU, Quick Synopsis: Working for a nationally recognizable magazine is a huge honor, one that Ben Solo doesn't take lightly. His boss, Rey Erso, would be the first to agree and is thoroughly comfortable with her status as editor-in-chief. When her visa status is denied, she'll do anything to stay in the United States and avoid being deported back to England. Even if that means forcing her assistant to marry her.) Stuck by Ever-so-reylo (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In which they are stuck together in an elevator, and they have History.) The Christmas Conundrum by Zoa (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, 9 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: After getting fired from her job right before the holidays, Rey is accidentally mistaken for an abandoned baby’s mother and is forced to take care of him. Ben Solo is the boss guilted into giving Rey her job back. Confusion, chicanery, and romance ensue.) The Five Times Ben Stole Rey's Halloween Candy and the One Time He Bought Her Some by AnneAnna (AO3 2021  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: They meet when Ben Solo tries to steal Rey Kenobi's Halloween bucket and Rey hits him over the head the with her plastic lightsaber. They eventually become best friends and then more. This is just all the Halloween Fall Fluff in the world.) The Golden Rule by JJJJ12 (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Never fight with girls. It was Han's golden rule. The only piece of his father's advice that Ben followed. It had been difficult, but not impossible. Until he met Rey.) The Peanut Problem by JJJJ12 (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben has never understood why all of Rey’s friends call her Peanut. When he learns it’s because she inadvertently attracts not-so-well endowed men, he makes it his mission to not-so-subtly convey the size of his dick without whipping it out.) The Seeker Compact by konfoz (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Harry Potter AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben used to be the Seeker for the Slytherin Quidditch team, so he is surprised when Gryffindor's Seeker, Rey, asks for his help a week before the final match up between their two houses.) the theory of dance by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Hogwarts AU, Quick Synopsis: Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor Rey Niima and Potions Professor Ben Solo are always at each others throats in the corridors of Hogwarts. Headmaster Kenobi has seen enough, and is making them teach a dance class to students in preparation for the Yule Ball. Can these professors learn to get along or will their rivalry turn into another kind of passion?) The Unicorn by xtenn (AO3 2021  Rated E Complete, 9 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Where Rey tells her friends of a very good and a very, very bad sexual encounter, while Ben calmly cooks dinner and totally doesn’t freak out or lose his cool. Ha, yeh, nah, sort of not really, not at all. Not that he cares. He doesn't!) the water smells like you by shruggyben (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Harry Potter AU, Quick Synopsis: In which Ben Solo, Ravenclaw dumbass, brews the perfect batch of the strongest love potion in the wizarding world, but accidentally feeds it to his one (1) crush. Adorable panic ensues.) The Wedding Necklace by daughter_of_the_fifth_house (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 21 Chapters, Canon CD, Quick Synopsis: Nambi Ghima sensed Rey’s longing for a family and gave her a wedding necklace for her future husband - the necklace Kylo Ren ripped off Rey's neck. Which means getting married. First Order Officer Tishra Kandia is confused why she had to analyze said necklace. She and a lot of people – and droids – on both sides of this war wonder about the marriage of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren and the Jedi Rey. The only thing is… Rey and Kylo don't even know they’re married.) To Capture A Tempest by Sparkleypegs (AO3 2018  Rated G Complete, 4 Chapters, Regency AU, Quick Synopsis: In a Regency setting a wilful Rey meets a domineering and very rich Kylo Ren.) To Have and to Hold by bunilicious (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Medieval AU, Quick Synopsis: “Your husband is gravely injured, my lady.” The envoy’s words should have pleased Lady Rey. After all, her husband was one of the dreaded Norman barons who invaded her beloved country and claimed the lands in the name of the bastard who now called himself king. Ben Solo had stormed her uncle’s keep, killed all the men who opposed their new conquerors, and claimed the stronghold for his own. He took the keep, he took the surrounding lands and, at the new king’s orders, took Rey to wife. Rey should have hated him. But, in the six months following their hasty and undesirable marriage, Rey found that hatred for her new husband was the furthest emotion from her heart and mind.) Trapped by spacey_gracie (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey and Ben have been sworn enemies since they were eight years old. When their best friends Rose and Hux start dating, they decide they're sick of the fighting, and force the pair together to work out their issues once and for all.) Trick or Treat, Baby by Everren (AO3 2021  Rated E Complete, 7 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo is not in the mood to deal with trick or treaters this Halloween. In fact, he’s taken measures to ensure he doesn’t have to. Can Rey, his next door neighbor and lover of all things Halloween, change his mind?) Trouble for Thanksgiving by Biekewieke (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 40 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Kenobi's temporary work visa is about to expire. She needs her boss' signature on her renewal application to get the extension she desperately wants and needs. Only her boss, the infamous Ben Solo, is an asshole. He's notoriously difficult and she knows this firsthand. Nevertheless, she needs his signature on those papers if she wants to avoid being deported by the end of the year... So when Rey tells her about her looming deportation, he finds a way to bend the situation to suit his own needs. Except, for the first time in his adult life, things don't go exactly as planned when he takes her home for the holidays...) Trust Falls by TazWren (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey Jackson is a hot-shot sales rep who has no time for processes or for IT. Ben Solo is the head of IT who has no time for Rey's carelessness. Can two people who never see eye-to-eye find common ground? Or, how getting an armful of Ben Solo turns Rey's world on its head. A gift fic for the Thirst Order Gifting Season) Two Halves of a Whole Idiot by Theyna_Shipper (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: After a game of truth or dare, Rey and Ben are stuck literally and figuratively trying to figure each other out.) Unmasked by SageMcMae (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Rey meets a masked guy at Maz's annual Halloween party, she is instantly smitten. Her mystery man is perfect -- compassionate, protective and a dedicated Star Wars fan. It's like he was made for her. There's only one problem. She doesn't know Kylo Ren is actually her asshole coworker, Ben Solo.) User Not Found by violethoure666 (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: It's not Rey's fault that her computer literally never works, but tell that to the grumpy IT guy who never leaves the basement.) variations on a theme of you by diasterisms (AO3 2017  Rated E Complete, 7 Chapters, Canon AU, Quick Synopsis: "Who knows?" Luke darted a faint smile at Ben and Rey as they stewed in silence and disbelief. "The two of you might even learn to get along. Right, Leia?" "Like a house on fire," the General deadpanned. "Complete with screams, flames, and people running for safety." "Indeed." Luke's blue eyes twinkled. "There may be no survivors.") what you take with you by irridesca (AO3 2021  Rated E Complete, 16 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Rey's former boss, heartless defense attorney Kylo Ren, is shot in the head, she's asked to return to her position as his assistant to oversee his recovery. The only problem? When he wakes up two days later, he has no idea who Kylo Ren is. According to him, his name is Ben Solo.) Who's a Coward? by elle_reads (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When he got the text from his Rey—Go fuck yourself—Ben wasn't exactly surprised, but he admitted he was disappointed. He knew he wasn't her favorite person, but it didn't feel great to be reminded of it, especially since he was hopelessly infatuated with her. She, on the other hand, detested him since the day she became his roommate.) Why can't we be by MeadowHayle (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 5 Chapters, Magical AU, Quick Synopsis: When old Maz forsaw a dyad, Rey never thought it would be a soulmate bond between her and the First Order coven member Kylo Ren. Desperately trying to undo her connection to the enemy, she seeks out ancient texts and meets Ben, a bookshop owner and crafter. While being bound to another Rey slowly but steadily falls in love with the quiet man, unknowing that he is the one she dislikes so passionately. A modern magic take on pride and prejudice.) you and tequila (make me crazy) by irridesca (AO3 2021  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey accuses Ben of having no game, and then gets proven terribly, horribly wrong.) You should see the things we do by Ever-so-reylo (Ever_So_Reylo) (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 3 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In which they are roommates, and they hate each other until they don't.) You're Not the Boss of Me by darknessvisible (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 4 chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Drunk one night and annoyed at her boss Ben, Rey composes an email she never intends to send. ) You've Got Mail by hipgrab (merrymegtargaryen) (AO3 2019  Rated G Complete, 13 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: You've Got Mail Bookshop AU) Your Half by Celia_and (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 4 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Classmates Rey and Kylo get off on the wrong foot. Too bad they’re partners for the whole semester...) Your Pretty Little Heart by Ever-so-reylo (Ever_So_Reylo) (AO3 2018  Rated E Complete, 15 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Modern day AU in which Ben is an Alpha, Rey is an Omega, and they are way better at having sex than at communicating with each other.)

[tsrookie]

Illicit Affairs

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Alyssa Brooks)

A/N: Hey everyone! So this is my first time writing a fic and... I’m pretty nervous😅 Massive thanks to @kaavyaethanramsey and @ohramsey for pre-reading this fic. Thanks so much for your support you guys!

Song Inspiration: Illicit Affairs by Taylor Swift

Word Count: 2463, so yeah, I went a lil overboard😬

Warnings: One curse word. Pretty tame besides that.

Summary: My version of what might’ve went on in MC’s head after the kiss in Chapter 8. And uh, excuse the Taylor Swift references😁

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Make sure nobody sees you leave

Hood over your head, keep your eyes down

Tell your friends you’re out for a run

You’ll be flushed when you return

She watched the lights of Boston city pass in a blur as her head reeled from what had just happened. Ethan Ramsey had kissed her. Not the other way around like it had been for a very long time. She was still flushed from the encounter and had no idea what to make of it.

She got out of the cab and walked to her apartment in a haze. “God I hope no one’s still awake.”, she thought to herself as she was about to open the door. But as fate would have it, Jackie was curled up on the couch with her phone. “Where on earth have you been?”, she asked, as Alyssa’s mind struggled to give a proper answer. She’d told Sienna about her whereabouts and had hoped that she would’ve given the others an explanation. “Just went for a walk. Needed to clear my head after that match.”, she finally said. Jackie skeptically raised an eyebrow at her but didn’t ask anything else. She was grateful for that, as she had enough on her mind already.

Take the road less traveled by

Tell yourself you can always stop

What started in beautiful rooms

Ends with meetings in parking lots

She flopped down on her bed as her heart raced. “Why? Of all the 7 billion people on the planet I could’ve fallen for, why did it have to be my boss? Anyone, just about anyone else would’ve been great.” She hated herself for this reason ever since they first kissed in Miami. Her heart always aspired to rise higher, but the more she had to lose along with it. Be it in her career, or a relationship.

She knew that it would be hard for her family to see her leave for Boston, since her brother had also left a couple of years ago to London and could barely get enough time to make a call once in three months. She didn’t blame him though, he was her big brother and she loved him no matter what. But it broke her heart to see the looks on her parents’ faces when they found out that she was going to leave Cedar Cove too. They’d always been a tight-knit family and her parents had hoped that she would find a good job somewhere close by. But getting matched to Edenbrook was her dream come true and they didn’t want her to give up on it as they’d supported her from the moment she’d decided that she wanted to become a doctor.

She didn’t want to lose them. She was scared that she wouldn’t be able to stay in touch with them if she left, but thankfully, she managed to squeeze in some time every weekend to make a FaceTime call.

Then came Ethan Ramsey. Her medical hero, her inspiration for becoming a doctor, the reason she applied to Edenbrook. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that she would spend the second year of her residency working under him in one of the most prestigious diagnostics teams in the country, and possibly, even the world.

But ever since she first saw him for just Ethan, and not the world famous Dr. Ramsey, her heart longed to fill that missing void in him. She saw past his name and saw him with all his flaws and imperfections. The real Ethan Ramsey was nothing like the man she’d idolized throughout med school. He was an utter mess. But he was the mess that she wanted. She could’ve let go and focused only on her life anytime she wished. But she didn’t. The path of dating a superior was always avoided and forbidden, but she didn’t care. She wanted to be there for him, whether he liked it or not.

And that’s the thing about illicit affairs

And clandestine meetings and longing stares

It’s born from just one single glance

But it dies and it dies and it dies

A million little times

Her mind wandered back to the night Ethan returned from the Amazon.

One look into his ocean-blue eyes and she was a goner. Two months of trying to bury her feelings, all wasted in one moment. And she knew he felt the same way too.

She’d mentally cursed herself for staying past last call with him as she walked with him into the beer garden. She knew that he’d missed her like hell from the longing glance he’d given her when she had run her fingers through his new beard. “I know I’m getting rejected, so why the fuck am I trying to have a conversation with him?!”, she’d reprimanded herself while she tried to get him to say why he hadn’t stayed in touch with her for two whole months. “How am I supposed to push you to be everything you can be if I...” Those words broke her heart all over again. He’d trailed off like this in the exact same way back in Miami. Her heart shattered for the millionth time since that first kiss, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. She put on a brave face as she walked away from him, having no idea how she was supposed to ever look at him again without longing and pain evident in her eyes.

Leave the perfume on the shelf

That you picked out just for him

So you leave no trace behind

Like you don’t even exist

The day after the board had decided to solicit high-profile patients was one of the worst days of her life. He hadn’t said a single word to her since he came out of the boardroom. She was consumed by guilt. Not because she’d found a way to save the team and the hospital, but the fact that she had hurt Ethan and broken his trust in her in the process.

The next few days were hard. June and Baz were being as supportive of her as they could, but even they just barely skirted around Ethan, as no one wanted to face his wrath. He was an absolute monster to the poor interns, and she felt terrible knowing that it was all because of her. Sothy in particular, had only asked Ethan as to whether he had seen Dr. Rosario, and was chewed out in the atrium in front of everybody for it. Needless to say, Elijah was pretty upset for the rest of the day and it took a lot of convincing to get him to go on his planned date with Phoebe that evening. Alyssa felt horrible that everyone around her had to suffer Ethan’s harsh behaviour ten times fold because of her.

She had to, quite literally, run out of the office once a team meeting got over so that she didn’t have to be alone with him. And she only did her paperwork at home and in the doctors lounge, since she didn’t want to hurt him by leaving any traces of her work in his office. Ethan pretended as though they were never something special. He never treated her in any way less than any of his other colleagues, but his blue eyes that once filled her with warmth, now reserved a coldness that was meant just for her. Quite a few days passed with him not even acknowledging her. She felt like she didn’t even truly exist to him anymore.

Take the words for what they are

A dwindling, mercurial high

A drug that only worked

The first few hundred times

Leland Bloom’s case was something she personally loathed. Ethan had almost reverted back to his normal self when this case was assigned to the team. Then it was back to square one. But she wasn’t afraid of facing him anymore. The look of his face when she called him out for being a spoiled child would forever be etched in her mind. She was proud of herself for it, and deep down she knew that he was too.

His mood constantly changed whenever the team discussed Leland’s case. But he at least didn’t look at her like a criminal anymore, and that lightened her heart a little.

She would be forever grateful for Leland’s work ethic though, as it finally gave her a chance to openly talk to Ethan on the yacht, a task they’d both been avoiding for weeks. He’d tried to maintain an indifferent facade, but of course she’d made sure that he miserably failed. When he’d told her that she made it incredibly difficult to stay focused, she had almost laughed out loud in joy. That was a clear indicator that his walls were coming down, and that they were back to their old banter. He had made hundreds of reasons and excuses to push her away in the past, and he was slowly running out of them. “You can only run away so many times Ethan.”, she’d thought to herself as she looked at him fondly, glad that he wasn’t angry at her anymore.

And that’s the thing about illicit affairs

And clandestine meetings and stolen stares

They show their truth one single time

But they lie and they lie and they lie

A million little times

Her mind came back to the present as she remembered the kiss they’d shared a few hours ago. The kiss he’d initiated. A few weeks ago if someone had told her that this would happen, she would’ve probably told them to go for a mental health checkup. But it had actually happened. “Ethan Ramsey took the initiative to kiss me.” She let those words finally sink in.

She was supposed to be ecstatic. She was supposed to be jumping like a maniac in her room. “So why am I not?”, she thought to herself.

The answer was simple: she was scared. Scared of being pushed away again. Scared of Ethan lying to himself and to her by saying that it didn’t mean anything.

She was done with the whole “stolen stares” and “painful glances” thing. They’d both shown their true feelings tonight, and she was not going to go back to the start again. “I only hope that he feels the same way and doesn’t run again.”, she sighed as she thought back to her first day at Edenbrook...

And you wanna scream

Don’t call me “kid,” don’t call me “baby”

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me

You showed me colors you know I can’t see with anyone else

“You. Rookie. Get in here.” Those were the first words he’d ever spoken to her. She was feeling a little insulted at being called a rookie at that moment. She never thought she would miss that nickname so terribly ever since her second year started. Sure, it was undermining her in the beginning, but she knew that it became a term of endearment for both of them as time passed.

She’d realized how much it actually meant to her the night she visited his apartment after her suspension. She knew that he was trying to being distant as soon as he called her ‘Brooks’.

There were plenty of guys who had hit on her in the past. Heck, Bryce and Rafael had pretty obvious crushes on her too back in her intern year. But none of that mattered to her after Miami. She just couldn’t look into anyone else’s eyes other than Ethan’s clear blue. Those eyes made her feel like she was flying miles above the ground. They made her feel like she was at home. Sure, to everyone else, those eyes would only show harshness. But ever since she’d gone with him to follow his mother, she’d seen nothing but an uncharacteristic tender look in his eyes that he had last given her when she’d won her ethics hearing. She definitely wasn’t complaining about it.

Don’t call me “kid,” don’t call me “baby”

Look at this idiotic fool that you made me

You taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone else

Her eyes filled with tears as she recalled the day she’d found out that Ethan had left, or rather, fled, to the Amazon forest. She was beside herself, sick with worry in hopes that he would be alright, and hurt beyond measure that he didn’t even bother to say goodbye.

She’d felt like an absolute fool. An idiot, who believed that they would be alright, as long as they just focused on their patients. She was broken, to find out that he had taken such an extreme measure to put distance between them.

“I am so so sorry Alyssa. I told him not to go, but he was very insistent.”, Naveen had tried to console her when she had marched up to his office as soon as the announcement of Ethan’s departure had been made in the atrium. She didn’t blame Naveen though. Ethan was as stubborn as a mule, and there was nothing that could’ve been changed even if she had known beforehand about his decision.

Sienna had tried, in vain, to set her up with some cute guys, but her heart just said no to every single one of them. Whenever she tried to give them a chance, her heart just kept telling her, “He isn’t Ethan.” No one could ever have even a small part of her heart since it completely belonged to him.

And you know damn well

For you, I would ruin myself

A million little times

Her heart hurt worse than ever. But surprisingly, she liked the pain. She wasn’t the kind of person who liked an easy answer. That was why she admired Ethan. He loved the challenges of being a doctor. He loved the puzzle. And so did she.

She pondered over her thoughts as a query struck her mind: “Do I love him?” She always knew that her feelings for him were strong and something special. But she’d never thought of the L-word before.

She thought about why she came to Edenbrook. She wanted to become the best doctor she could be. She wanted to make a difference for the people who had nowhere to go. But now, she was stuck in a situation where she was willing to risk it all for her boss. “I think I do love him...”, she thought. “No, I know I love him. He’s worth the risk. I’m not going to ruin my career by being with him. I will fight for this. For us.”, she said to herself with a determined mindset. She loved Ethan Ramsey with all her heart, and she was not gonna lose him no matter what. As exhaustion finally overtook her, she closed her eyes with the knowledge of her promise. She was going to fight for them, she definitely was.

———————————

Hope you guys liked it!😊 Let me know if you want to be added to or removed from the taglist. And any constructive criticism is much appreciated! I have an idea of making this into a series, so do let me know if you wanna see more song-inspired fics🎶

Taglist: @kaavyaethanramsey @ohramsey @aylamwrites @caseyvalentineramsey @starrystarrytrouble @dxnicaramsey @decadentwinnerjudgedream @nithya @mrsmatsuo @choicesolivia @rookiefromedenbrook

[imshatteredbutnotbroken]

The wonderful world of Desiree Nguyen: A character analysis

This is a season three, episode 14-18 character analysis of everyone’s favourite MacGyver protector, Desiree “Desi” Nguyen. (Or, A.K.A, my attempt at sounding much more intelligent than I am.) If people want to read more, I’ll cover the rest of the seasons.

Now, I won’t always sound unbiased in my feelings towards Desiree, but I am going to really try my best to be. And, like I said, I am attempting to sound much more intelligent than I am, so if I miss anything or sound incredibly stupid, feel free to correct me.

There are spoilers, so if you haven’t seen season three, I recommend skipping this analysis.

It’s important to note that this is not a commentary on Levy Tran herself, and that it’s only about her character (EXTREME EMPHASIS ON CHARACTER).

There is also a Tl;dr at the end of each episode summary starting from episode 15.

Let’s begin.

Desiree (hereby known as Desi) was first mentioned by (actual) fan favourite, Jack Dalton, in season 3 episode 14, Father+ Bride + Betrayal. He first mentioned her in a conversation with Mac during the wedding:

Jack: “Matty let me handpick my replacement to watch your back.  I think you’re really gonna like her. Or, kill her. One of the two.”

Mac: “That’s oddly specific. Should I be worried?”

Jack: “No, man. You’ll meet her soon enough. And, trust me, there’s nobody I’d trust more than this woman to watch your back. She is really good. Well, other than me, obviously.”  

Now, there’s not much to go on, but we do get some hints. She’s tough, she’s a badass, and Jack likes and trusts her. So, Desi’s initial set up isn’t so bad. We love Jack, and if Desi comes at Jack’s recommendation, we know she can be trusted to watch everyone’s backs. Like I said, we’re off to a good start.  

It’s also important to note: Jack specifically says “there’s nobody I’d trust more than this woman to watch your back.” Does this really happen only a season later? Honestly? It’s debatable. But, we’ll get there when we get there.

Season three, episode 15:  K9 + Smugglers + New Recruit

Desi is initially introduced — through Mac — as advertised: a tough badass who will take her job as the team’s protector seriously. While she admits to Mac that she will hate her job as their bodyguard, she is doing it because she owes Jack. What she owes him exactly, we’re still not sure. It could be anything from repaying Jack for a chocolate bar to repaying a debt to him after Jack saved someone’s life. Who the hell knows?

In the war room, at her second meeting with Mac, Riley, Bozer, Leanna (remember her?! Why couldn’t you leave well enough alone, T.V. show?!), and Matty, Desi reemphasizes that their safety is her top priority. Like I said, Desi (in her initial intro) is a tough badass who takes her job seriously.

On the mission, Cody, (our story of the week’s gun sniffing dog) immediately finds two guns on Desi’s person. She really is like Jack in that respect! But, we soon find out she doesn’t like them (she’s really not like Jack that way!), telling Mac she only carries it because she has to, will only pull a gun when necessary, and that she’d “rather put bad guys in an interrogation room than the morgue.” Another special exception that allows her to pull a gun is against “anyone who hurts animals.”

While Mac and Riley notice Desi isn’t the warmest, Riley acknowledges that Desi is well-accomplished. She was one of the first women to graduate from Ranger school, was part of a special ops team made up of SAS, Delta, and the CIA, and, apparently, “has more awards than Michael Phelps.” So, Desi is no slouch. She also impresses everyone even more when she parkours up several shipping containers to get a better view for the op they’re on. Desi proves herself again during a fight scene by single-handedly taking out several guys with guns (and gets shot in the process, her bulletproof vest stopping every bullet). Let’s add bravery to the list of qualities Desi has shown in just over 10 minutes.

Later, she talks to Riley, who emphasizes their group’s need for Desi to be reliable (and this is interesting because Desi’s reliability is questioned in episode 21 this season). Riley found out Desi went AWOL while she was in Afghanistan, and Riley wants to know why. As Desi explains, one of the Afghani civilians she was working with was kidnapped, and she went to find him. Which Desi successfully did. As she tells the story, Desi becomes emotional, showing that she does have a heart and a vulnerable side, and you can tell she is speaking sincerely. Desi is also adamant that she would to do it again. This is an interesting contrast to her behaviour during the Codex storyline, but we’ll get there.

Desi doesn’t much like Mac’s fly by the seat of his pants behaviour because she was trained to always have plan and she can’t work spontaneously. We also learn Desi is knowledgeable about some sort of technology having to with RFID chips that I can’t personally understand, and that she went to the University of Michigan.

At the end of the episode, Desi makes an appearance at Mac’s house, saying Jack made her promise to go. She leaves as quickly as came though, not wanting to get too close to everyone…in case she has to bury them. Which, I understand, but morbid, jeez. It’s also kind of odd when you think about it because Desi is the group’s protector and is responsible for their safety. But, on the other hand, she can’t fix every situation, and there may be a time when one of them gets killed on a mission. So, while I understand Desi’s hesitation, I am not entirely a fan of it. And, this behaviour is even odder considering Desi goes on to date Mac at the end of the season. I guess Mac really did break down her walls (and that’s something I didn’t notice until writing this).

Overall, we’ve learned a lot about Desi. She’s tough, yet cold, smart, athletic, reliable (supposedly), likes a plan, and hates guns and animal abusers. Seeing her introduced this way (and introduced well) is interesting because I know future storylines and have seen how much Desi has changed as a character. She was always somewhat cold, but she initially had an adamance, confidence, and determination to do what is right. Knowing how the Codex storyline in particular goes down, the way Desi changes is interesting, to say the least.

Tl;dr: As Desi is introduced, the audience learns that she takes her job as the team’s bodyguard seriously, and owes Jack for some (still unknown) reason, and that’s really why Desi is there. We also learn she hates guns and animal abusers, is brave, athletic, reliable (supposedly), and well-accomplished. She also doesn’t want to get too close to the rest of the team in case she has to bury them, so she leaves the Phoenix’s group hangout session as quickly as she joined.

Season three, episode 16: Lidar + Rogues + Duty

At the beginning of this episode, Desi is ‘familiarizing’ herself with the lab and ‘helping’ Bozer with Sparky (really, she’s flipping through a magazine and complaining about the music Bozer is playing while he works). She says she’s lending moral support, though, so, whatever works, I guess. Anyway, Bozer asks for her help with running diagnostic tests on Sparky, and Desi agrees. But, her help is a riddle that sends the robot on an endless loop for the rest of the episode. I do like her shit disturber behaviour, though, so I’ll give Desi that.

For the main operation, Desi and Mac are on a recovery mission in Azerbaijan to bring back one of Mac’s friend’s bodies. His friend, Robert Reese, was on a covert flying mission when his plane crashed, and Mac and Desi are the only ones who can get the body.

While looking for the wreckage, Desi notices that Mac is distracted. She asks him what’s going on, and he explains why he’s distracted. And, knowing that Mac feels responsible for what happened to Reese, Desi asks Mac to tell her about his friend. After Mac does, she gets angry with him and tells Mac to compartmentalize, seemingly a turn around from being caring like she was in the previous episode. But, I understand where she’s coming from because Desi and Mac have to stay focused, or else, like she says, “Matty will be sending a team to recover us.” Fair, because if Mac lets his emotions get the best of him — while he and Desi are in a country they’re not supposed to be in — he could get into a situation he can’t get out of.  

Later, we learn that Desi speaks Turkish (what can’t this girl do?!) as some of the Azerbaijani military arrive at the wreckage site. After escaping and driving away, Desi notices a parachute in the trees, indicating it’s possible Reese isn’t dead. Mac is hopeful that his friend is alive, while Desi is more logical, saying, “there are a lot of reasons why the Azerbaijani military would grab a dead U.S. pilot.” They spot footprints of U.S. Army issued boots, so their mission goes from recovery to search and rescue.

Mac and Desi are led to a small town after hearing about sightings of an injured man wearing a flight suit. There, they figure out which building Reese is hiding in. Mac and Desi find him alive but with a broken clavicle. And, while Mac provides Reese with first aid, Desi becomes all business. But, in her defence, they’re in danger, so it’s not weird Desi reacts this way.

After escaping and another mission change (this time to stopping rogue CIA agents and recovering chemical weapons), Mac improvises a plan that goes awry and has Desi and Reese held at gunpoint by the agents. Desi has to stall while Mac tries to save them and, as she talks, she uses the info Mac told her about Reese, proving Desi listened to Mac. So, while we thought Desi was being callous, she actually showed that she sincerely cared about what Mac had to say.

Later, Desi meets with Bozer to make up for sending Sparky into an endless loop. Maybe she truly feels bad, or maybe she’s doing it selfishly because she’s new. Either way, it’s hard to tell because we’re not in Desi’s head. But, I’ll give it to her because I really think Desi knows she messed up and she wants to fix it. She tells Bozer the answer to the riddle and Sparky is able to break the loop.

We are still learning about Desi, but we get so much info in the small details. My favourite part about her this episode was her shit disturbing. We also learn she speaks Turkish, prefers to be all business when she’s on a mission, and pays attention to what’s going on around her. Desi is actually quite deep in this season, and she shows that she cares about people and robots alike.

Tl;dr: At the beginning of the episode, Desi is ‘helping’ Bozer while he works on Sparky the robot. She sends Sparky on an endless loop after telling him a riddle he can’t figure out, annoying Bozer.

Desi and Mac have the main operation, which was initially a body recovery mission for one of Mac’s friends, Robert Reese. She gets Mac to open up about Reese, and then immediately tells him to compartmentalize so they can get through the mission alive.

They find Reese alive, and their mission changes to stopping rogue CIA agents and recovering chemical weapons. At the chemical weapons site, Desi and Reese are held up at gunpoint by the agents, and Desi is forced to stall while Mac saves them. She uses the story Mac told her about Reese earlier in the episode, proving she paid attention to what Mac said.

At the end of the episode, Desi goes to Bozer to help fix Sparky. She tells him the answer to the riddle, getting Sparky out of his loop, and showing Desi cares about those around her.

Season three, episode 17: Seeds + Permafrost + Feather

This episode opens with Mac and Desi in bed together. But, it’s not what you think. It’s for a mission and part of Mac’s plan to escape from the people chasing them. Desi is annoyed by the plan (because she had to get undressed) and she argues with Mac. He tries to convince her it was their best option — until the bad guys return and hold Desi and Mac up at gunpoint. I can see why she would be annoyed with Mac, but is fighting during a mission necessary? Somehow, they escape, and we can move on.

Mac, Riley, and Desi have to travel to the international seed vault in Greenland because an employee is missing. Since Mac’s dad, James (also known as Oversight), was involved in the vault’s development and planning, he’s the person to call when something goes wrong. But, James has other business, so the mission falls to Mac, Riley, and Desi.

In the vault, thanks to a comment Desi made about the employee disappearing into the mountain (causing Mac to do his Mac thing), the trio discovers an access tunnel someone dug to get into the (extremely secure) vault. And, whoever dug that tunnel killed Karl, the missing employee, in the process. There is also a possibility of seeds being stolen.  

So, Mac, Riley, and Desi use Karl’s cell phone, which he had on him, to figure out the path he took and identify which seeds may have been stolen. Mac and Desi, who plays the murderer, recreate the fight, and they’re having a ball doing it. They fight, and Desi gives Mac all she’s got. She’s not subtle or gentle, but she gets the job done. Soon, they figure out which box (one of North Korea’s) the thief rifled through, and which seeds were taken (a rare form of a pea plant).

Desi explores the access tunnel and finds a room that is scattered in schematics, seed reports, and drilling equipment. From there, Mac figures out that the pea seeds are an ingredient in making a toxin, and that the seeds can be weaponized and used to create as much of the toxin as desired. Riley discovers their thief has been making monthly payments to a flower shop in Brussels, so a plane ride it is for Mac, Riley, and Desi.

On the plane, Mac calls Bozer so Mac can find out what’s going on with James. But, after hanging up, Mac slams his phone down and Desi comments on his annoyance and asks Mac about it. He says it’s the mission, but Desi isn’t buying it. When Riley mentions it’s about Mac’s dad, Desi says that Oversight seemed distracted. And, while she admits it’s not her business to know what’s going with Mac’s dad, Desi tells Mac it is his business.

The three of them go on a chase that takes them from a cemetery in Brussels to a park in the Czech Republic. The man they are running after, named Jules, wants revenge on a crime boss named Passer for killing Jules’ wife and child after Jules testified in court. At the park, Riley and Desi fight Passer’s men while Mac starts to talk Jules (who is holding Passer up at gunpoint) down. Eventually, Jules relents, and he is arrested. Mac, Riley, and Desi recover the stolen seeds and avoid an international incident with North Korea.

Desi has more of a background role in this episode because the episode focuses on Mac and his dad. But, her fighting skills, knowledge (she helped explain the seed vault to Riley and the audience), and empathy shine through. This is particularly true when she encourages Mac to figure out what is going on with his dad. This side of Desi is nice to see because while she’s tough, she is sincere in her efforts to help others.

Tl;dr: Desi is in the background this episode, but, she displays her intelligence, empathy, and fighting skills. She also encourages Mac to figure out what is going on with his dad, saying that it’s not her business to know what is going on with her boss, but it is Mac’s.

Season three, episode 18: Murdoc + Helman + Hit

This episode opens with Nicolas Helman’s return. And he gets to work immediately by murdering an FBI interrogator in a karaoke bar. How this happened, Mac, Riley, Matty, Bozer, and Oversight aren’t sure because the last time they saw him, Helman was dead — or, so they thought — because Matty had his coffin exhumed and it was empty. Since the Phoenix is responsible for Helman, they have to figure out his next move so they can capture him.

Mac, Bozer, and Desi are with Oversight this episode. Their mission? To speak with our favourite psychopath Murdoc who is still at the Phoenix Black Site. Desi gets the Helman story explained to her, but it doesn’t seem like she entirely believes how serious dealing with Murdoc is because she asks Mac, “What kind of monster are you keeping down here? Indominus Rex? King Kong? That kid from The Omen? These questions also reveal another detail about Desi that could easily be overlooked: She likes horror and monster movies. Anyway, upon meeting Murdoc, Desi seems to get it because she has a face similar to McKayla Maroney’s unimpressed face plastered on (and, really, who can blame her?). But, Mac, Bozer, Desi, and Oversight need Murdoc’s help, so they press on.

There’s a quick scene with Bozer and Desi observing Mac and Oversight questioning Murdoc. Desi acknowledges they weren’t kidding about Murdoc and notes that James is just as much of an enigma because he’s still exerting himself, despite the toll doing so takes. Bozer thinks Desi is talking about the effects having cancer has on Oversight himself, but Desi immediately corrects Bozer and says “I meant on Mac.” So, again, there’s that compassion for others Desi has displayed since her introduction.

After getting more information from Murdoc about Helman’s possible whereabouts (because Helman has killed again), Mac, Desi, and Oversight jump into action to find Helman. They, and a Phoenix tac team, storm an apartment building with Desi leading the way with a gun. They leave Bozer behind with Murdoc (which, rude). Anyway, the team starts going up to the apartment, but before they can really make their way, James starts having trouble physically. Mac, worried about his father, tells him he doesn’t need to go upstairs, but Oversight insists. Desi encourages Mac to be open and honest with his dad, but Mac says Oversight is fine. Desi tells Mac not saying anything to his father shouldn’t be an emotional decision because lives hang in the balance. She also says she’s worried about Mac, and tells him to not get distracted. This attitude harkens back to episode 16 when Desi was worried about Mac’s emotions getting in the way of their mission. So, I understand where she’s coming from and why she’s concerned.

Skipping ahead, Mac, Desi, and James go on a road trip because Riley and Matty discovered Helman had the transportation route for an FBI transport truck moving someone who is supposed to testify in a trial against his former employees. While waiting for the FBI truck, they see another (unknown) vehicle approaching. Concerned it may be Helman and that it could have explosives in it, Mac, Desi, and Oversight have to stop the vehicle. James tries to take matters into his own hands by borrowing a tac team member’s rife, but he’s having trouble steadying himself, and Desi notices. Oversight is eventually able to get his bearings and shoots out the van’s tires. While they stop the vehicle, it turns out to be a distraction so Helman could get into the Phoenix Black Site. Desi figures out that the FBI murders and attack on the transport truck were all a ruse so Helman could kill Murdoc.  

Later, they realize Murdoc’s entire plan was a jailbreak so Mac and Oversight go on a car chase to capture Murdoc while Desi flies in a helicopter overhead (side note, I’m not really sure why Desi is there because it doesn’t seem like she needs to be. She doesn’t do anything in this scene other than fly overhead and worry about Mac). James and Mac do their thing and figure out a way to stop Murdoc’s truck. But, with Desi’s words in the back of his mind (probably), Mac tells his dad he shouldn’t be the one to stop the truck. Oversight agrees, and Mac does his thing. You can see as he tries to overtake the truck, everyone (including Desi) is concerned. Eventually succeeding in stopping and capturing Murdoc, there’s a shot shown of Desi’s relief.

At the end of the episode, Desi says she suggested security upgrades for the black site so no one can escape or attack the site again. This reflects her security knowledge because the Phoenix trusted her enough to give her the task. Again, Desi isn’t so useless and demonstrates her intelligence.  

Throughout the episode, Desi shows she cares about other people, especially since she’s worried about the effect Oversight’s need to keep going has on Mac. She also encourages Mac to be honest with his father. And this is a thread that is shown throughout these episodes. Which leads to the following questions: What happened to that particular characteristic? Where did Desi’s empathy and compassion go?  

Tl;dr: Desi’s character development takes somewhat of a backseat this episode because it mostly focuses on Mac and Oversight (again). Still, throughout their mission, Desi encourages Mac to be open and honest with his father and tell Oversight his concerns. This, again, demonstrates her empathy and her concerns for others. Mac is eventually able (probably with Desi’s words in the back of his mind) to be honest with Oversight and take over in order to do the physical labour required on the mission.

Lastly, Desi suggests security upgrades for the Phoenix Black Site that held Murdoc so that no one can break in or out again. This demonstrates her intelligence, and leads to the following question: What happened to her intelligence and compassion and empathy for others?

We learn so much about Desi in just four episodes. From her bravery and boldness, to enjoyment of monster and horror movies, she isn’t so one-note. The biggest thread is her compassion and concern for others. She wants to help people and ensure they’re safe, and Desi is adamant and determined about it. She continually displays this characteristic, especially when it comes to Mac and ensuring his feelings don’t get the best of him while they’re on a mission.

During season three, Desi is written well! She’s introduced to us based on the trust a fan favourite has with the audience and she never deviates from that. She also displays many characteristics that actually make her interesting. She’s smart, athletic, brave, and bold. So, I have to ask (again): WHAT HAPPENED?! Where did go so wrong and why?

If you want more of my character analysis, let me know! I procrastinated way too long on this, so if it seems like episode 18 is disjointed from the rest, I apologize. I had fun with this, and I feel like I like and understand Desi a little more (at least for season three).

[ashdumpsterpile]

ao3

It’s a sexy, sexy day when Beckett gets her promotion to the Cerritos.

She’s been a lower decks officer on the USS Vulker for six slutty years and it’s been the closest thing to paradise that she’s experienced since that time Marvin tried to snort Dorito dust and ended up summoning an ancient wish giving god when he sneezed it out on an alien substance Dr. L’Vertiss was analyzing as a possible cure for the parasites that were infecting the Academy.

Being a lower decks officer meant three things: contraband, causal hookups and constant disrespect of Starfleet Protocol. Everything Beckett wanted in a career. Fortunately, the Vulker was the bottom of the barrel when it came to starships, so they weren’t exactly looking too close to her record. Which was fine by Beckett, who was trying to fly under the radar ever since her mother had demoted her so hard, she’d ended up on a whole other ship, quadrants away from the Cerritos.

Thanks Mom.

So anyway, it’s a sexy, sexy day when her mother calls her, mainly because she’d just gotten out of alien jail and gotten a cool tat out of the deal, but also because she hasn’t heard for her mother in a while and, okay, maybe she misses her just a little bit. Even if she’s probably calling for Not Good Reasons.

Beckett flips her comm open and steels herself to get yelled at for whatever.

“I’m retiring,” are not the words Beckett is expecting. She squints suspiciously at her comm, vaguely concerned that a shapeshifter has replaced her mom.

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes I am.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re not.”

“Beckett—”

“You love being Captain and sitting in the chair and telling Ransom to stop giving himself sexy eyes in every reflective surface! Why would you retire?”

Her mom pinches the bridge of her nose, looking tired. “This is why I wanted to tell you in person—”

“Tell me what in person—”

“—Shaxs is dead.”

Beckett stops walking. Blinks down at her comm. Once. Twice. “What.”

“So is half the crew. This is less of me retiring and more of me…cutting my losses before Starfleet officially demotes my ass.”

Beckett’s day is slowly turning into an unsexy day. “And you’re just letting them!? You’ve been a Captain for what—”

“Beck—”

“Fifteen years and a Starfleet Officer for even longer! They can’t demote you—”

“They can and they will. Look,” Mom sighs. “They’re putting together a new crew as soon as the Cerritos is given the clear. There’s barely anyone left from the main crew who even wants to stay after this mess.”

“What happened?”

“That’s classified,” Mom says, which Beckett takes to mean hack my official report if you want to know. “And don’t go digging for it,” she adds.

Beckett resists pouting, only because the situation is so. Weirdly serious.

“I’m not calling you because of that, however. Ransom is being transferred to the Titan. It’s only thanks to his initiative and Officer Boimler’s quick thinking that we’re even alive right now.”

The sound of the warp core, buzzing in the background, seems too loud, all of the sudden. Beckett swallows, feeling sick.

“Officer Boimler is being promoted to Captain. I’ve recommended you as his First Officer.”

Beckett doesn’t realize she’s laughing until she starts choking from it. A group of ensigns, clustered at the end of the hallway she’s standing in, give her weird looks before quickly vacating the area.

“That,” she says, once she’s caught her breath, “is the dumbest fucking idea I’ve ever heard.”

Mom gives Beckett her Captain™ face.

“I’m an ensign. Lower decks. Bottom of the barrel.” Beckett continues, grinning. “Not officer material.”

“Top of your class. Present in the Dominion War. Only gets demoted because she cares more about people than rules.” Mom gives a smug smile. “Perfect match for the Cerritos.”

There’s a weird, hot pressure in the corner of Beckett’s eyes. “Mom.”

“Boimler has a stick up his ass, he could use someone who loosens him up a little. Pays less attention to protocol,” Mom adds.

Beckett shakes her head, smiling. “I’d give him a heart attack a week in.”

“I’m counting on it. At least think about it, will you? And for god’s sake, go shower. I can see the filth on you, light years away.”

Beckett laughs, but this time it’s real. “Yeah Mom, I will.” Then, “I’m glad you like. Didn’t die or whatever.”

Mom rolls her eyes. “Thank you, problem child. So am I. I’ll take to you later.”

The connection blacks out, leaving Beckett staring at her own dim reflection in the screen.

She does look like shit. Maybe a shower isn’t a bad idea after all.

_____

The letter stays in her inbox for six unslutty days before she finally clicks on it. Turns out, even though Mom is no longer a Captain, her recommendation must’ve meant something because there it is, a nice, shiny, transfer request.

It’s signed Captain Brad Boimler and that is where Beckett draws the line because she is not working for someone named Brad.

Maybe if you had been on the Cerritos, Shaxs wouldn’t have died, a snide voice sounds in her brain. Beckett immediately shuts that voice down because that’s fucked up and she didn’t go through four years of Starfleet mandated therapy to still be fucked up.

(She’s still kinda fucked up, but that’s okay.)

Dad finally starts spamming her inbox—and she really wants to know how Mom got him on her side, they’ve barely spoken since the divorce—so Beckett, with great reluctance, reviews the transfer request again.

It’s bullshit.

“This is bullshit,” she tells Dad.

“I know, but if I have to get one more message from your mother, demanding why you haven’t taken the position—”

“Okay, fine I’ll do it, but only because I want to see why Mom promoted Brad to Captain.”

_____

Mom either promoted Brad to Captain because he was that good of a suck up or because his hair is super distracting. Either way, Beckett is two seconds away from saying fuck this shit and demoting her own ass back to the Vulker.

He walked through the door like a minute ago and she’s already had him pegged. His clothes are neatly pressed, hair perfectly coiffed, and his hands nervously flutter around, as if he’s unsure what he should be doing with them. He can’t have been an officer longer than a few months before he was promoted Captain, that’s for sure. Beckett literally has no idea what Mom was thinking when she gave him the chair.

She waves him down toward her table.

Brad takes one look at her unbuttoned collar, nonregulation boots, and unkempt hair and sighs. “Captain Freeman recommended you?” his voice is disbelieving.

“That’s the word, my dude.” Beckett leans back, eyeing him over the half empty glass of whiskey she’s been nursing. “Captain Brad, take a seat,” she says, in her Serious voice.

Captain Brad sits across from her. “It’s Captain Boimler, actually.”

“Brad’s fine.”

His eye twitches. “Officer Mariner—”

“Ensign,” she interrupts, cheerfully.

Brad pauses. Blinks. She gestures to the single pin in her collar.

“Oh. Wait. What?”

“Yeah, I was lower decks on the Vulker before Captain Freeman emotionally blackmailed me into meeting with you.”

She snaps her fingers at the bartender and gestures toward Brad while she waits for the man in question to process the fact that a lower decks ensign was being offered a First Officer promotion.

It, surprisingly, takes only a few seconds before he bounces back. “I didn’t have time to look at your file,” he admits, sounding a bit frustrated. “I’m usually more on top of my work but—”

“Don’t sweat it, Bradthaniel. If you’d read my file, I seriously doubt you’d have agreed to meet with me.”

He raises an eyebrow. “You kill an Admiral or something?”

“Or something,” she agrees, mind flashing back to all of the redacted and classified sections of her file. The bartender places a glass of purple liquid in front of Brad and refills Beckett’s drink. Beckett salutes him lazily with her glass. “I’m more interested in you. How’d you land a captaincy at, what, twenty-six?”

“Twenty-nine,” he grits out, as if that still isn’t weirdly young to be that high in the chain of command. “How’d you get Freeman to recommend you?”

“Oh, I didn’t,” she flips her ponytail obnoxiously. “She called me.”

“Sure.”

“What, am I not ‘First Officer Material?’” she mocks, wrapping finger-quotes around her words.

He rolls his eyes. “No offense—”

“Complete offense already taken—”

“But you are the least promotable person I’ve ever met.”

Beckett grins. “Now you’re getting it. We got a Bridge Crew yet?”

“I—” he blinks at her for a moment. “I’m still trying to put the rest of the Bridge Crew together, but it’s been insane lining up schedules and—”

“Leave it to me.”

“Wait, what?”

“That’s my job. You manage me, I manage the crew. I’m basically a glorified secretary now.”

Brad looks like he’s seeing an error screen in front of his eyes. “So, you’re taking the job,” he concludes, voice hilariously defeated.

“Someone needs to make sure my M—uh, Captain Freeman’s ship doesn’t blow up.”

“I handled it fine the first time.” He rolls his eyes carelessly, which kind of pisses her off.

She gives him a smile. Knows it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Tell that to the 567 casualties.”

His face goes very pale. An incredible feat considering his already milky complexion. She can’t tell if he’s angry or about to cry. “Shut up. You weren’t even there, how would you know—"

“Yeah, you were there, so why the fuck didn’t you do something?” she hisses. All she can see is Shaxs’ scarred face in the back her head. She’d been a pain in the Bridge Crew’s asses, but most of them had been genuinely upset when she’d been transferred.

“You’re a pain in my ass, but you’ve got guts,” Shaxs had admitted once, looking impressed, which was his way of saying you’re fucking adopted go do 200 pushups.

Beckett has seen a lot of death in her 26 years, but this one hurts because this is her Mom’s family. Half of them are dead and she wasn’t there and fucking Brad was.

Fucking Brad is still staring at her, eyes unreadable, mouth set in a hard line. He snatches up the file and flips it open, fingers deftly shuffling through the printed-out paper documents she’d complied last night. “I’m overseeing ship repairs tomorrow. 0500 hours. Be there.”

“Wait what?” Beckett hears herself say, aware that she’s gaping at him.

“I’ll have to run these through background checks before I can approve them for transfer, and I’d like to meet with them in person before I make any decisions.”

“Dude.”

“What,” he snaps, eyes meeting hers defiantly.

“You’re seriously approving my transfer?”

“Do you not want me to?” his brow furrows in confusion.

“You called me the ‘least promotable person’ like ever! I just like insulted the fuck out of you!” she whisper-shrieks. “You’re supposed to get mad and tell me to fuck off back to whatever corner of the galaxy Freeman dragged my ass out of, not make me your First Fucking Officer.”

“Well I’m not. Congratulations First Officer Mariner, you’re expected to report for duty—”

“Oh fuck you—”

“On the Cerritos three weeks from now during her relaunch.”

Beckett is on the verge of stabbing this bastard in the eye with his own stylus. “But why?”

Brad pauses, halfway out of his seat, hands still clenched tightly around the file. “Why what?”

“Don’t be fucking coy, why are you approving my transfer, you absolute nugget,” she hisses.

“Captain Freeman recommended you.”

“Are you seriously that much of a suck up—”

“The Cerritos isn’t that great of a starship, but Captain Freeman is a good captain,” Brad interrupts. “We went through some real shit together. She didn’t deserve what happened to her. The least I can do is honor her last request.”

And with that, Brad stands up and sweeps out of the bar.

“Dramatic exits are my thing!” she shouts after him.

_____

She’s pissed, mostly because Brad had the actual audacity to approve her transfer, but also because how fucking dare he be an actual nice person?

Okay, maybe not a nice person, she decides, as she crawls out of bed at 4 fucking thirty am. Morning people are hell spawn, but he’s a decent person.

Whatever, it’s not as if she’s going to start liking him or trying to be his friend or whatever.

“If it doesn’t work out, I can get myself demoted in like two days,” she decides, out loud, tying her hair out of her eyes. Her reflection stares back at her, tired.

So of course, Brad is annoyingly awake.

“Of course you’re a fucking morning person,” she mutters, falling into step behind him.

“Haven’t had your coffee yet?” he snips back, eyes glued to his data padd.

She glares at his back, but makes no comment.

By the time Beckett is fully awake and functioning, she’s already dissociated three separate times and had a mini panic attack twice.

The ship is FUCKED.

The primary hull has been completely ripped apart, like something took a large bite out of the side, and both propulsion units are missing. Beckett peaks over Brad’s shoulder and gets a good look at the interior damage.

“You guys ejected the warp core?” she shrieks in his ear. “Dude that is so badass.”

Brad jumps and pushes her off him. “Wha—get off me, what are you doing—”

Beckett snatches the padd away from him and begins to rapidly scan through the damage reports. “Shit, it’s going to take weeks before we’re back in space. What’s the ETA on getting a new core in? Oooh, we should also add reflective panels, I hear the Enterprise is so bright, nothing ever gets done on there.”

Brad snatches his padd back. “Yeah, I think we can pass on that one.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Being a Starfleet Officer isn’t supposed to be fun—although I do find enjoyment in managing and organizing information—”

“Oh yawn, you’re a pencil pusher.”

“Did you just say ‘yawn’ out loud?”

“Do you need your hearing checked, Captain Brad?”

“It’s Boimler,” he hisses.

“Captain Boimler Brad,” she corrects, easily.

He stomps off, all huffy, but whatever. It’s not her fault Captain Brad doesn’t have a sense of humor.

_____

It takes about a month for the Cerritos to get back into working condition. Beckett would be impressed with how quickly Starfleet is able to get her back in commission, except for the fact that, well. It’s Starfleet. They’re great at what they do, even if what they do isn’t so great.

By then she’s already sent her Dad over seventeen furious voicemails and threatened her mother with six different kinds of legal action if she doesn’t “pick up her goddamn fucking comm.”

Mom does pick up her call and she does agree to meet with her.

“This is bullshit,” she says, after hugging the ever-living shit out of her favorite parent. “I can’t believe you’re making me do this.”

Mom rolls her eyes. It’s like looking in a mirror. “Kiddo, I’ve never been able to make you do anything.”

This was probably true, but Beckett needs someone to blame. “He’s worse than you. Or Dad. Mom he likes paperwork. He’s a morning person. Yesterday he asked me my opinion on the Oxford comma.”

Mom makes a complicated face. Beckett suspects she’s trying not to laugh. “That does sound like Boimler,” she admits, sighing. “Please tell me you’re playing nice.”

Beckett decides not to tell her about the whole “I was a bitch to him because I have no idea how to grieve” deal. “Hey, I can be nice.”

“Hmm.”

“Okay, maybe I’m giving him a hard time, but come on! You could have chosen anyone to promote. Hell, you should have picked Ransom, not transferred him!”

“Ransom doesn’t have the head to make tough calls.”

“And Brad does?”

Mom gives her a look that says she knows something Beckett doesn’t. Beckett hates that look. “I think he knows what he’s doing when he forgets he’s in charge.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means give him a chance before you decided to drop him in a wormhole,” is the dry response she’s given.

Beckett makes no promises.

_____

The Cerritos leaves Starbase 375 on an uneventful day. About eighty percent of the original crew has been completely replaced, most notably, the Bridge Crew. Senior staff is now complied of Officer’s Captain Freeman had promoted before her resignation, but there’s are a few that Beckett herself has recommended. Seems like Brad had actually taken a look at the file.

Beckett takes her seat next to Captain Brad and prepares herself for the madness that’s going to commence from being First Officer on the lamest ship in Starfleet.

The Cerritos has been in deep space for three boring, uneventful weeks.

The only fun Beckett has found in any of it is by torturing Brad. And she’s not even trying! Beckett just has one of those personalities that rubs well-organized people the wrong way. Yes, sometimes she thrives off chaos, and yeah she does things in her own time, but it’s just who she is.

Brad doesn’t seem to appreciate any of her suggestions, calling most of them illegal and dangerous and being all shouty about it.

He’s also a huge stickler for regulations and shit. It’s way, way worse than working with Mom. Beckett’s about to start climbing walls from the sheer boredom of being a First Officer. The only thing she does anymore is sleep, paperwork and fight with Brad, rinse, repeat.

And then she meets Lieutenant D’Vana Tendi.

The first thing Beckett thinks when she runs into the hyperactive Orion is that if Dr. T’Ana had retired along with the rest of the senior crew, Tendi could have easily picked up the mantle. The girl’s a fucking prodigy, mad scientist level of genius.

The second thing Beckett thinks when she meets Tendi is I am way gayer than I thought I was.

“Hey, you’re Mariner!” Tendi chirps, excitedly bouncing up to her. Dr. T’Ana, who had been discussing something medical and boring with the Orion, groans and stomps off the minute she lays eyes on Beckett. Which, rude. Beckett didn’t want to talk to her anyway.

“Oh nice, my reputation proceeds me,” Beckett grins, brushing off her hurt. “As does yours, Lieutenant Tendi.”

Tendi’s cheeks turn a little blue.

There’s an amused snort behind her. “Already flirting with the locals, Mariner?” a familiar voice dryly asks.

Beckett’s mouth drops open. “Rutherford?”

Rutherford, who was messing anxiously with a cyber implant over his eye that he definitely did not have three years ago, grins at her. “Long time, no see!”  

Tendi whirls around. “You know Mariner?”

“She used to be lower decks with me,” he explains.

“Yeah, back in the day,” Beckett agrees, examining her nails. “It was pretty badass.”

Rutherford snorts and gives her a look which clearly conveys I know why you were transferred dumbass. Beckett gives him a look back and hopes it communicates to shut the fuck up.

“You driving Boimler crazy yet?” Rutherford asks, instead of spilling her dirty secrets.

Tendi does this cute snort/giggle thing behind her Padd. “Like you haven’t been present for his ‘daily complain about Marin—‘”

Rutherford lightly kicks Tendi who quite promptly shuts up.

Beckett frowns suspiciously at them.

“Anyway, it’s great to see you Mariner!” Rutherford continues. “Congrats on making First Officer by the way,” he adds in a tone of voice that implies that she will be telling him exactly how she had landed the position later.

“I guess my record speaks for itself.” Beckett smirks.

“Uh hu,” he eyes her disbelievingly. “See you at the bar after our shifts?”

Beckett sighs. “I’ll have to pass. Brad gave me so much fucking paperwork to do that I’ll never get a day off again.”

“Look at you following the rules!” Rutherford punches the air. “I knew you had it in you. I guess I’ll see you around!” He hops off the bio-bed and heads off toward Engineering.

Tendi frowns after him. “At least he still sounds like himself, right?”

That’s a weird thing to say. “Huh?”

The Orion blinks up at her, startled. “Oh, you don’t know? He was in an accident. Full year of his memory completely wiped. He remembers Brad, and you, I guess, but.” She looks down, defeated.

“Oh.” Beckett feels squeamish at the sudden emotion present in the conversation. “That, uh, that really sucks.”

“Yeah.” Tendi shakes herself. “Well, enough buffer time, I’d better get back to work. It was great meeting you, Mariner!”

“Likewise, Lieutenant Tendi,” Beckett flashes her most charming grin. “See you on the Bridge?”

Tendi glances back at Dr. T’Ana, who’s impatiently glaring at them. “Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

_____

The next few weeks go by in rapid succession. It’s either very very boring and leaves Mariner missing her life as a lower decks officer or it’s incredibly fast pace with weird shit that leaves her chasing the next adrenaline rush.

But of course most days it’s just Brad yelling at her.

“If you could have your report for Second Contact with the Diququeue’s by tomorrow morning, that would be great.”

“Uh huh.”

“Also, I need you to stop trying to pet J’viv, his culture finds it offensive.”

“Sure thing.”

 “Are you even listening to what I’m saying?!

_____

“Officer Mariner could you—what the fuck are you wearing.”

“Oh yeah, the Padroiques gave me this cool jacket.”

“I don’t even—what—Mariner, go take it off!”

“But it’s pink!”

“It’s putting hair all over my Bridge!”

“That’s not hair it’s—”

 “Oh my god just get rid of it.”

_____

“What the fuck was that!”

“That was me. Doing my job. First Officer stuff.”

“That was you practically starting a war with the Gorgonvians. Again.”

“Dude, their government is super corrupt!”

“That’s their problem! Stop antagonizing alien Ambassadors!”

_____

“Why would you tell them to go fuck themselves?!”

“They pissed me off!”

“I actually can’t handle you right now. Get off my Bridge and go irritate someone else.”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

_____

“This isn’t working,” she tells Rutherford, snatching at his drink. He gives it up with a sigh and wearily watches her down the purple liquid.

“Maybe start listening to him for once? He is the captain.”

“And that isn’t weird to you? Dude, didn’t he start out lower decks?”

This gets an eye roll out of her usually positive friend. “We all started lower decks. That’s how Starfleet works.”

Beckett decides not to mention that it was definitely not how it worked for her, as that explanation would include revealing that she’s. Well. A Starfleet brat.

“Besides, he’s been a Lieutenant for about a year now and he really handled the Parkled crisis really well. Not that I remember,” he adds, looking a little downcast.

Beckett wrinkles her nose. “Wait, the Cerritos was taken down by Parkleds? No fucking way.” She pulls her data padd out and began tapping away.

“Please don’t hack any mission re—”

“Too late.”

“—ports. Oh shit.” Rutherford rubs at his human eye with one hand. “See this? This is why you’re driving Boimler up a wall.”

Beckett glares at him. “Brad needs to chill out.”

“You need to chill out,” he corrects and then winces. “Sorry, that came out mean. I mean, maybe just try being nice to him? Like what’s the worst that could happen?”

Beckett’s eyes narrow.

_____

“Here, Jen made coffee.”

“If you’re trying to poison me—”

“Why would I poison you?!”

Brad gives her a deadpan stare.

“With coffee!” she adds, for good measure. “I would never defile the gods’ nectar!”

“Ugh, fine,” he snatches at the mug. “Just please stop shouting.”

_____

“I don’t get it!” Beckett rants to Tendi, who’s frowning down at her data padd like it holds the secrets of the universe. “I’m being like super chill for once and he’s still mad!”

Rutherford, who’s doing something cool and science-y to the transporter pad, glances up. “Your version of chill involves way more stabbing than most peoples.”

Tendi nods, eyes still glued to her padd. “Maybe try not challenging Klingons to duels and Boimler will calm down.”

“Uh, he challenged me and then was a sore loser. Not my fault. And I bought Brad a milkshake afterwards to make up for it!”

“Boimler did say that it was unfairly delicious,” Tendi says, pensively.

“I don’t think that was a milkshake,” Rutherford mumbles.

“Point is, why doesn’t he like me yet! Everyone likes me except lame people!”

“So, you don’t think Boimler is lame anymore,” Tendi inquires, grinning at her.

“Shut up, he’s the lamest.”

Rutherford and Tendi share a conspiring look. “Sure.”

_____

So, Brad almost dies. And so do Tendi and Rutherford, because it seems that even though Brad is captain now, apparently the three of them are a tight little trio who’ve been getting up to no good the whole time Beckett was on the Vulker.

That explains a lot actually.

Anyway, there’s some Away Mission nonsense and Beckett just happens to be on the Cerritos because Brad claims that she’s too high strung and that he hasn’t had enough coffee to handle her.

Whatever.

Some shit goes down—again, Beckett isn’t there and doesn’t bother to find out the exact details until much much later—that involves Rutherford and Brad getting infected by some alien disease and suddenly Tendi is dealing with an outright war between the local Camisitites and the Federation and by the time Beckett gets their asses beamed back onto the Cerritos, it’s almost too late.

Rutherford is going to be fine, thanks to his cyborg implants but Brad isn’t looking too hot which means Beckett is Acting Captain.

Fucking great.

It takes her maybe two, three days tops to settle everything out with the irate Camisitite nation and find a cure, but it all works out in the end.

“If you want a Missions Report you can have it after I’ve taken a shower,” she informs a groggy Brad. He blinks up at her from his bio-bed, taking in her disheveled hair, bloodstained shirt, and exhausted expression.

“…cool,” he mutters. “Go away.”

She scoffs at him, dragging a seat up. “I’m good here, actually.”

Brad wakes himself up enough to give her a half-hearted scowl. “Do you ever do as you’re told?”

“Not really, no.” She examines her nails. “Your fault for signing my transfer.”

“So this has all been punishment? Because a good person talked you into a nice, well paying job that I signed off on. I don’t get you.”

“I don’t get you,” she retorts. “Command fucking sucks. It was way cooler when I was an ensign.”

“But you’re really good at it,” he says, surprised. “You’re smart and badass and like way better at everything than everyone else.”

“Wait what?”

“You could have everything! And you’re just wasting it? Do you want me to kick you off ship?”

“Maybe!”

“Well I’m not going to!”

“Why not?!”

He glares at her sullenly. “Figure it out yourself, if you’re so smart.”

_____

“I can’t figure it out!” she snaps, resuming her wild pacing.

Rutherford, who looks like his unending patience is finally, for once, running out, sighs.

(People seem to be doing that a lot around her recently.)

“Figure what out, Mariner?”

“Why did the bastard make me his First Officer?”

“Maybe he’s hot for you,” Tendi suggests, eyebrows wiggling up and down. Beckett shoves her face away.

“Shut up, no way.”

“Just ask him?” Rutherford suggests.

“I did! Like twice! First time he gave me stupid answer and second time he deflected.”

“He gave it to you because he likes you, dummy,” Rutherford says, giving her a friendly shove. “Not like that,” he adds, as Tendi began make kissy faces. “But like. He thinks you’re cool.”

“He thinks I’m cool,” Beckett parrots, unimpressed.

“You are pretty cool,” Tendi agrees. “You like kick everyone’s ass and are super smart and you have street cred.”

“Street cred,” Beckett repeats, trying not to laugh. “Yeah, we’ll go with that.”

“Point is,” Rutherford went on. “He thinks you’re cool. And you know what? I think you think he’s pretty cool.”

Beckett makes a face. “I do not, take that back.”

“You think it’s impressive that Freeman promoted him and it has you all pissy because she threw you off the ship, but you secretly think he’s smart and you think it’s funny that he gets all tied up in knots over protocol,” Rutherford summarizes.

“What are you, my therapist?” Beckett snaps.

“I’m you’re friend. And I think you could be his too if you tried?”

Beckett groans, dropping her face into Tendi’s shoulder. “Fine maybe you’re a little bit right. He hates me though.”

“Trust me, he doesn’t hate you,” Rutherford says, grin in her voice. “You annoy the fuck out of him, sure. But he likes you plenty or he’d have gotten rid of you already.”

“So what do I do?” she mumbles into Tendi’s uniform.

“Go apologize, dumbass,” Tendi advises, shrugging her off her shoulder.

“Ugh.”

_____

She finds him laying on one of the Observation Deck floors, a half-drained bottle of blue substance beside him. Before she can change her mind, she flops down into a seated position next to him. They’re drifting through hyperspace, creating that weird blue effect as their ship speeds past distant stars.

Beckett takes a swig of his contraband, grimacing at the bitter taste.

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” he says, staring blankly out into space.

Beckett feels surprise at his admission—yeah, this man is a bit of a wreck, but he seemed to the type of guy whose contingency plans had contingency plans—but decides not to show it.

“Congrats dumbass, neither to the rest of us.”

Brad frowns. “You always know what you’re doing.”

This actually coaxes a surprised laugh out of her. She collapses backward, laying on the cold deck beside him. “That’s where you’re definitely wrong, dude. I never know what I’m going to do until I do it. Could be committing arson today, could adopt one of those turtle-puppies we saw on Karklon III last week, the list goes on. We’re Starfleet Officers, we have to be flexible about shit,” she adds, turning her head look at him.

He continues to stare straight ahead of him. “I think you make a better Captain.”

Okay, so he’s in a brutally honest mood. She can chill with that.

“I think I’d get us killed in a week,” she counters, truthfully. “I’m way too impulsive to be in charge. For every badass rule breaker, we need pencil pushing stickler, ya know?”

“So what,” Brad turns his head to the side, squints at her skeptically. “Now you want to work together?”

She drops her chin into the palm of her hand, leaning on her elbow. “I’m just saying, maybe I could get myself demoted back to the fucking Vulkner again and maybe you resign your position and become one of those sad sad researchers that get eaten by their own plants and Starfleet discovers your remains six years later when they have to find a cure for a face-eating parasite or whatever. Or,” she continues, before he can interrupt, all pissy, “maybe you need to loosen up, and maybe I need to suck up to command a bit more.”

It’s the closest to an apology as he’s going to get from her.

(He’s been kind of a bitch too, and they both know it.)

Brad turns back to the window—if you can call the entire wall being made of glass a window—and sighs.

“I guess it couldn’t hurt to give it a shot,” he muses—his version of an apology as well, she notes—and then adds, “I can always demote you.”

“Ha! You couldn’t last a day in the chair without me and you know it,” she replies, smugly. “You pretend like you want constant order and everything to be perfectly organized and on schedule, but I know the truth.”

“Really now?” he dryly says. “And what’s that.”

She grins, leaning in. “You’re secretly a rebel.”

“Fuck off.”

“Pffft, I saw your eye twitching during our report to Admiral Travional. You were practically begging me to spill my coffee on him.”

“Okay, I did not tell you to do that—”

“Oh, and that sexy, sexy moment when Tendi punched Captain Lohnersen out? You never once wrote her up for—”

“He was harassing her, I wasn’t going to write her up when he clearly was disrespecting—”

Beckett dangles the bottle of ale in front of him. “Why Captain Brad. Is this. Gasp! Contraband?!”

Brad laughs, snatching the bottle away from her. “I found it in your quarters.”

“And just what were you doing in my quarters, my good sir?”

“I’ll have you know I was dropping off paperwork. That you still haven’t done. From three weeks ago.”

“And you just swiped it off my desk. Tsk, tsk.”

“Confiscated it,” he corrects, still grinning up at her. “For research purposes, of course.”

“Of course.” Beckett grabs the bottle again. Takes another swig. “Surprised you’re still conscious. This shit can blind you, ya know.”

“Yeah, I know.” He grabs the bottle back. “So maybe slow down.”

She rolls her eyes because she has clearly proven numerous times that she can hold her liquor but decides not the start anything. It’s weird, getting along with Brad, but not…unpleasant.

“Hey,” she says, poking his shoulder. “I’m glad you didn’t die.”

His face looks pinched. “Thanks for not letting me die,” he replies, suddenly wary.

She scoffs. “Like I’d let anyone die under my watch.”

Brad sits up. “You mean like I did.”

“Oh.” Beckett blinks at him. “Oh shit. Dude, I was just being an asshole then, I didn’t mean it.”

“But you weren’t wrong. If I had been smarter or—”

“Dude, you cannot think like that,” Beckett grabs his shoulders and makes uncomfortably steady eye-contact. “Even if I had been on the Cerritos when shit went down, I don’t think I could have saved him. You guys were on a time crunch with no backup and I’m surprised Rutherford survived the explosion.”

Brad’s eyebrows furrow. “Wha—did you read Freeman’s Mission Report? I told you to stop—”

She waves him off.  “Doesn’t matter. Point is, stop beating yourself up over it. And stop letting assholes like me make you feel bad,” she adds, as an afterthought.

“Only if you stop challenging people to duels in the Jefferies Tubes,” he counters.

“Deal,” she lies. “You should get in on some of those duels, though. You seem like a sword guy.”

“I can’t even tell if that’s a euphemism or not,” he mumbles. “Are we cool?”

“The coolest,” she confirms. “At least until you see my Missions Report.”

Brad sighs deeply and flops back down. “I’m not even worrying about that right now.”

“Good, because I definitely broke like every protocol ever.”

“Of course you did.”

“And I told the Camisitite’s to call me Captain Mariner, First of her Name.”

“Oh my god—”

“And I challenged their leader to a duel.”

“Mariner what the fuck.”  

[cxmetery-gates]

OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS - DARK!TOM HIDDLESTON

CHAPTER FIVE: COFFEE AND TINDER

SUMMARY: Lynn and Gabriel have a heart-to-heart talk about her last lover, with Gabe offering barely-legal suggestions. WORD COUNT: 2.45k NOTES: Gabe is probably my favorite character WARNINGS: dark!tom hiddleston, teacher!tom hiddleston, mentions of past relationships, break-up talk, h*tler reference?? never thought i’d write that

OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS MASTERLIST

THE SOUND OF A BELL alerts the classroom that the period is over. Everyone had been already packed and ready to go minutes before Mr. Hiddleston even began wrapping up his lesson. Even when I suffered through chemistry or dragged my deflated soul through finance, I never thought of putting my notes and pens away so soon. I know more than one student saw the icy glare I sent across the room but, most importantly and unfortunately, I also know nearly all of them didn't catch the slight disappointment in Mr. Hiddleston's tone.

I truly despise most people.

From the moment class started, it's been so unmistakably clear how much he loves what he teaches, that he enjoys what he spent thousands of dollars on just to show people how great literature is. I understand that all too well— save the going into debt part. Teachers are often times so mundane with their knowledge, not realizing how the way they present the information affects our understanding and interest in such. This is why high school teachers are stereotyped as people who just want a paid summer vacation. However, Mr. Hiddleston really put effort into his theatrics, like his lecture was a play. People with a teaching degree should teach in this way— why else go penniless willingly? The overall excitement was entertaining. And for that, I have to give the man some credit.

"Alright, guys. We'll be diving into the second part of this lecture tomorrow. Have a good one, you are dismissed." I don't think Mr. Hiddleston needed to announce the last blip of his closing statement. As I said, people are so rude.

Ellie begins to shove her notepad and other items into her bag after our teacher finishes speaking, reminding me of my kind company. I, on the other hand, am scrambling to take the last bit of notes, trying to relay any possible concepts mentioned on to paper. While there might not have been much depth in today's class, jotting down every last tidbit of information could be life or death. Or perhaps I'm just anal-retentive when it comes to note-taking. By the time I finish the note, Ellie is already standing.

"Girl, hurry up. We gotta go!" She drags out the last vowel of the last word humorously.

I wave my hand at her, flipping pages and dodging paper cuts. "Go on without me. I'll be fine," I say, remembering that Ellie's homeroom is on the first floor and the farthest down the hall.

Rolling her big brown eyes, she sighs, walking backward. "I'll miss you poppet. I love you." Her fake British accent is terrible, but I don't bother enlightening her. Perhaps the slight discoloration in her cheeks and how fast she dashed out of the room was due to finding Mr. Hiddleston in ear-shot of her terrible accent. I bite my lip, forcing myself to look away out of sheer second-hand embarrassment.

Once all my belongings are together, I turn to leave.

"That truly was an awful mockery," Mr. Hiddleston says in my direction from the whiteboard. His long toned arms wipe the marker away as I begin to walk past him.

I chuckle. "I'll let her know you said that."

Mr. Hiddleston fakes a groan, placing the eraser on the marker tray then turning to face me with those oh-so-charming eyes. There's no other way to describe them other than mesmerizing. "Oh, don't tell her I said it. I like being liked."

"Being 'liked' is the least of your worries with these girls," I mumble, mostly to humor myself. However, I must have been louder than anticipated. The innuendo is heard and doesn't fly over his head.

A titter of a laugh is heard from the man, and I now regret the words I mumbled. "So I have been told," he replies, making a slightly uncomfortable face. I can't blame him; anyone would feel incredibly awkward if teaching a class full of people who would sell both kidneys just to see them without a shirt.

Not in my dreams would I have imagined having a conversation with Mr. Hiddleston about how everyone wants to nail him. While such a phrase hasn't been explicitly noted, I have a feeling both our minds are in the same gutter. And with that recognition, an awkward heat embraces me. I press my lips together tightly and offer a shrug. "I think the proper thing for me to say is good luck."

Seeming to take my word, Mr. Hiddleston passes me a smile. I can't read what the meaning is, but I'll take it nonetheless with a cough to clear my throat. "Ah, well, as much as I love juicy gossip and scandals, I've got a stuck up prune for homeroom, so I definitely need to get going." I send him a wave, making my exit as awkward as possible.

"Warntz?" He asks.

My nose wrinkles at the name. It eve sounds terrible, almost as terrifying as Trunchbull or Umbridge. "You betcha."

"Good luck, Lynn. You've got two minutes."

I want to give another sassy remark, but the teasing look I find when I look over my shoulder sends my body into another blush. Muttering something close to 'whatever,' I decide that leaving is for the best, even if that means awaiting an angry, shriveled up raisin.

══════════════════

Exiting the high school front doors a few hours before the final bell is like the biggest sigh of relief and 'sucks to be you' to everyone else. An arm wraps around my shoulder, one I embrace kindly.

"So, we've got an hour on our hands," Gabriel reminds me, hinting we'll have to come back to grab Ellie and River. As he speaks, I toss my head back on his toned bicep. I swear he works out too much for an unpopular loser. "What would you like to do?"

I groan, dragging my chin down to my chest. "Why do I have to decide? You know I hate making decisions."

"We're taking second lunch here, Lynn. It isn't life or death, you weirdo," Gabe chortles.

"Can we just go get a coffee? I feel like I'm about to pass out." For effect, I pretend to faint, nearly going complete limp before his arms can hoist me back up.

Rolling his dark eyes, my partner in crime pulls a set of keys from his pocket, swinging the lanyard around his fingers while we head towards a tattered white truck being held together by zip ties, duct tape, and love. "You and Elle with your coffee addiction."

"Could be meth," I retort.

Snorting, Gabe slips a key into the slit on the driver's side. I stand on the opposite, sending a humored smile. "Yeah, as if that's any worse."

We make it to the local coffee shop in no time. Luckily for us, the lunch rush hour in this town ends just as we hit the road if we avoid the main highways that is. Gabe's truck and the coffee shop have a similar aesthetic: crowded, old, falling apart with an overwhelming sense of home and personality. I can't count how many times I've broken down and received well off advice from him in both locations. It feels safe here and being around him. Gabe's like the much older brother (by a month) that I never had. We're both complete, utter assholes to each other about 60% of the time, enforcing the sibling-like bond we have.

"Thank you," I say sweetly to the barista as he places my cold brew in front of me and Gabe's hot chocolate in front of him. Mimicking my gratitude, Gabe gives his thanks as the employee shuffled away, awkwardly patting at his frizzy hair.

We both take a sip and visibly relax. "So, the first day of our last year of high school." Gabe is also the mom friend. "Tell me, dear, how were all your classes?"

"Oh, dearest mother, I feel so content with my choices," I reply with a vintage accent, acting as though my voiced popped in from the 1920s. "How ever will I pick a favorite?"

Wiggling his brows, Gabe replies, "I hear someone landed themselves in the hottest teacher's class."

Prompting to return to my normal voice, I roll my eyes, a huff expelling from my diaphragm. "He's definitely a piece of eye candy, I'll tell you that."

"Took four years to figure that one out? I didn't realize unobservant you are." Taking a pause, Gabe brings to smirk widely. "Maybe that's why you haven't asked River out yet."

My eyes grow wide, my skin goes red. Looking at anywhere other than Gabe's eyes and smirking lips is a must. "I don't know—"

"Lynn, everyone knows."

"Sure, but he doesn't." I pause. "Wait, does he?"

"Dude, no, of course, he doesn't. He still thinks you're heartbroken over Trinity."

Ah, yes, Trinity. Who knew a happy year and two months could be wholly demolished beyond reconciliation in a single weekend? Certain not I, as I have spent the past three months moving on and over the ordeal. An annoyed grunt leads my cheek to rest in my fist. "He thinks I'm not over it?"

Gabe leans forwards. "None of us do, Lynn."

I stay silent.

"What happened... you didn't deserve that. Hell, Hitler wouldn't have deserved that. Probably."

"Weeeeell—"

"Point is, I know you're still trying to find a way to heal. You've done a damn good job, duh. But River thinks you're still in love with her."

"Ugh. I'd rather eat hairy horse shit than see her ever again."

Gabriel nods, "I was hoping that would be the case."

Knocking my knuckles on the wooden table, I let out an exaggerated sigh. "Man, I'm tired."

"You know we're all here for you, right?" Gabe asks, leaning in just a few inches. I want to roll my eyes, tell him that he worries too much, but I can't. I can't tell him, not because I want him to shut up or to change the topic, but because he knows me. To Gabe, I'm an open book.

I run out of words to say relating to the topic. The breakup is old news, everything following the incident becoming irrelevant memories and irreplaceable time. I'm kidding myself when I say I've moved on entirely because Gabriel is right: I haven't. Sometimes my thoughts get stuck on what I could have done better or what I should have done to convince her to stay. Despite these annoying blips, I know deep down that it was inevitable, that her consistent cheating and the emotional manipulation would only surface for everyone to see in due time. If they hadn't— which I tried to keep from happening— I have a gut-wrenching feeling I'd still be in the situation. I had a feeling Trinity and me wouldn't last, but it wasn't until after things ended did I realize how well she had me wrapped around her finger. It's taken months to find my way out of her web, but I now face the scary journey of recovery. Thankfully, the process has not been as hard as I anticipated. After all, living two cities away certainly helps.

"Yeah, I know. I'm still going through the motions. I just want it to speed up, you know?"

Smirking and pulling his hand back, Gabriel replies, "Maybe a Tinder will help?"

My nose wrinkles at the mere consideration. Hooking up, dating apps, meeting strangers behind a phone— not really my thing. "Nah, I'll pass on that offer, thanks."

"Suit yourself."

"Hmm, maybe I'll look into a sugar daddy site. Money from older men might make me feel a bit better."

Gabriel takes a sip of his hot chocolate, grinning. "Well, you have an interesting way with teachers. If you're struggling in a particular class, maybe that little fantasy of yours will come true."

"Oh yes, I can't wait to hop on Mr. Riley's seventy-year-old dick."

"Mhmm, yummy."

At this, I bark into a laughing-while-painfully-cringing fit. Never being a fan of the phrase "yummy" and having it tied to a man that's so old he's basically decaying, I find every part of this new conversation revoltingly hilarious. I guess my sudden outburst of laughter caught Gabe off guard, staring at me with a shocked grin and fixing the infamous beanie he wears. I couldn't count how many times I've seen him without; you can't count to zero.

"It really wasn't that funny," he says with a small hiccup of laughter in his voice.

I settle myself now that I feel the eyes of everyone in the coffee shop staring. "You're right, but something about it made me crack." I flip my phone over to check the time. "Should we be getting back? They've got twenty minutes left."

Gabe nods and lets out a content sigh. "Yeah, I guess so."

We decide to chug the rest of our beverages quickly— now room temperature and not as satisfying— before heading back out into the world. Away in the parking lot, the truck seems to beckon us to its forty-year-old, duct-tape-bound seats. As Gabe unlocks the truck doors, I let out a content sign and stare up at the sky. Above, the sun beams down on us and, like an idiot, I managed to look directly into it. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust but by that point, a dark cloud rolled over the blinding, distant star.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

TAGLIST:

@khadineberry​

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[octothorpetopus]

And It Was Not Your Fault But Mine (Aaron Hotchner x Emily Prentiss)

Hotch, Jack, and Emily have formed their own little family. So when Hotch says something he doesn’t mean during an argument, they’re left to rebuild what they had from the ground up.

a/n: I knew there was a reason I put Little Lion Man on my Hotch playlist and it worked out perfectly. also creds to @agenthotchner for the fantastic idea.

taglist: @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @winterscaptain @cha0ticbisexual

The day it begins, Emily is bringing in the last of the boxes from her apartment. Hotch’s apartment is bigger, it’s nicer (it doesn’t have her incredible view of the national mall, but that’s life), and most importantly, it’s where Hotch and Jack are. Right now, they’re sitting on the sofa while she pulls in the last cardboard box of her stuff.

“You could help, you know,” she says, mostly joking.

“Yeah, Jack, go help Emily.” Hotch nudges his son, who jumps off the couch and runs over to Emily.

“Alright, kiddo, you grab that side, and I’ll...” Wobbling, Jack and Emily teeter over to the already shoulder-high stack of boxes. “Aw, nice job, little man!” She crouches and high-fives the five-year-old who has become the closest thing she has to a son. “Hey, Jack, why don’t you look in that box over there?” He opens the flaps of the box she’s pointing at, and pulls out a folded-up scooter in a box. “So next time we go to the park, maybe you can try to keep up with Daddy on his bike.”

“Thanks, mom,” Jack says, and Emily almost faints. Mom? He’s never called her that before, and she doesn’t quite know how to react. Her eyes dart over to Hotch, who hasn’t quite stopped smiling, but looks as if he wants to. Still, he doesn’t say anything.

“Come on, kiddo, it’s time for your nap.” He steers Jack into the hall, away from Emily, and when they’re both out of sight, she collapses onto the floor. What is she supposed to say to that? It shouldn’t be her job, it should be Hotch’s, but still, she feels wrong just letting her boyfriend’s son call her ‘mom’. They’ve been together since before she faked her death and moved to Paris, almost four full years, so it’s not like she hasn’t been involved in raising Jack. But she’s not his mother, and she’s never pretended to be. As someone who was practically raised by nannies, she’s fully aware that just reading bedtime stories, making lunches, putting band-aids on skinned knees, and sharing a bed with a child’s father isn’t enough to make someone a mother (that last one had caused a significant amount of childhood emotional trauma).

But when Hotch comes back from putting Jack down for his nap, he doesn’t say anything. He just smiles at her and opens up another box.

“I’m not sure I have enough cabinet space for your mug collection, Em.”

“Oh, really? But we have room for your stamp collection?”

“Fair.” He kisses the top of her head as he passes her into the kitchen. Things are as normal as ever, which doesn’t surprise Emily when she thinks about it. Hotch generally doesn’t let things get to him, she’s known that as long as they’ve worked together. She imagines that he talked to Jack as he was putting him down for his nap. That must be it, and he assumed Emily was on his same wavelength. Good. Emily wasn’t willing to let this be the thing that drove them, the closest thing she has ever had to a real, functional family.

And that’s the end of it, for a few weeks, anyway. Jack doesn’t call her ‘mom’ again, Hotch doesn’t bring it up, and the three of them are just like normal. Emily’s things slowly assimilate into the environment of the apartment, which she stops thinking of as Hotch’s apartment and more as their apartment. She grows used to walking to work with Hotch in the morning, which she was doing most of the time before anyway. She grows used to getting her coffee from the Starbucks at the end of the block instead of the coffee cart just outside her old apartment, and to taking the train instead of the bus because it’s faster. The one thing she does not grow used to is Hotch. That’s an oversimplification, she accepts his quirks and odd habits, but it’s funny- before they moved in together, Emily thought he might be more forthcoming about his feelings now that he couldn’t just leave when things got heavy. Still, after every argument, big or small, he just smiles that little tight-lipped smile, kisses the top of her head, and pretends like nothing happened.

“You know, Aaron, at some point, you’re going to have to actually resolve an issue instead of just waiting for the argument to fizzle out and then pretend like it didn’t happen,” Emily says one day. She had been bugging him about putting away his go bag in between cases, instead of just leaving it in the living room. They had argued for a few minutes (“It’s a matter of convenience, Em!” “Not really, you’re just being lazy.”) before he had just shook his head and started folding laundry.

“It’s not a big deal, Emily. Move my bag or don’t, I don’t really care either way.” Hotch shrugged, which frustrated her even more.

“Hotch, you can’t be apathetic on every single subject, and you can’t just give up when you get tired of arguing.”

“Why not? These things don’t really matter to me, and when they do, I’m okay compromising.”

“But we’re not compromising, Hotch, you’re just letting me do what I want and taking whatever feelings you have about it and shoving them down and pretending like nothing happened!” He blinks angrily (how that’s even possible, she’s not quite sure), and by now she can tell she’s under his skin.

“Emily, can we not do this? Can we-“ Emily groans and begins pacing.

“Yeah, Hotch, we have to do this! That’s the whole point! You keep saying ‘we’ll do this later’ and then we never do. I want to do this now. Let’s do it, let’s argue, and then when we’re done and we’ve reached an actual conclusion, we won’t have it hanging over our heads!” He stands now too, throwing down the laundry in his hands.

“Because it shouldn’t matter, Emily! I deal with things the way I deal with them, and if you don’t like it, well-“

“Hotch, it’s not me that I’m worried about!” He looks at her, puzzled. “I know you, I’ve known you for years, so I know how you deal with your feelings. And I’m a grown-up, so I can deal with it because I have my own way of dealing with my own feelings.”

“Emily, what the hell is your point?” He’s exasperated, exhausted, and she briefly considers not saying what she wants to say, but still, she says:

“Hotch, what is Jack going to think? If he grows up and instead of seeing his dad express his emotions and deal with his issues, he just sees you push your anger down? What kind of man is he going to grow up to be if he never learns how to feel, because you never taught him?” When she stops pacing and looks back at him, his face has gone deathly still. Narrowing his eyes, he thinks for a minute, and Emily thinks she’s never seen him so angry. Not at her, anyway. It’s a very quiet kind of anger, one that makes her feel cold even though the window is open and it’s 90 degrees outside.

“And why, exactly, do you think you have the right to tell me I’m raising my son wrong? Because, and correct me if I’m wrong, you have no kids. You have never, at any point in time, had kids. You don’t have the right to tell me how to raise my son, because he is my son. My son. His mother was Haley Hotchner, formerly Haley Brooks. She died. Jack is my son, I am his father, and you are not his mother!” Emily stumbles backwards a few steps, her eyes wide. In all the time they’ve been together, in all the time they’ve known each other, he’s raised his voice several times, but never at her. He’s never yelled at her. As soon as he’s finished, he knows what he’s done, he can see it. His hands come up between him and Emily, as if he’s trying to push himself away from her. “Em-“

“No. No.” Emily shakes her head.

“Emily, I’m sorry, I didn’t-“

“You meant it.” She shakes her head and doesn’t quite smile. “You meant every word, Hotch. It’s okay.” She goes to grab her sweatshirt, then remembers how hot it is outside. That, more than anything, makes her want to cry. She’s already ruined her cool, clean walk-out now. Chin tucked against her chest, she brushes past his half-hearted efforts to stop her and leaves, not really sure where she’s going. First things first, she’s going to go get coffee from the cart outside her old apartment.

It’s late when Hotch finally finds her. She doesn’t know if he’s been looking for her all day or if he decided to let her have her space, but she has no new texts and no missed calls. She doesn’t turn to look at him when he sits down beside her, but keeps her eyes fixed on the Washington Monument, illuminated against the darkening sky.

“I’m sorry, Em,” he says finally. She doesn’t respond. “Emily, please. Look at me.”

“I’ve been thinking all day about what I would say to you when I saw you next.” Finally, she turned to face him, sharply wiping tears off her cheeks. “And I still have no idea what to say to you.”

“I’m sorry, Emily.”

“You keep saying that. But just because you’re sorry for hurting me doesn’t mean you didn’t mean what you said.” She sniffs, but composed herself. “Hotch, I know I’m not Jack’s mother. I’m not trying to replace Haley. But we’re a family, the three of us. An odd one, but a family. I take care of your son because I love him, and I love you. So while I might not have given birth to him, do not ever diminish the part I’ve taken in raising him since we got together. I’m not trying to replace Haley, but if you want us to live together, if you want me to be in his and in your life, you have to acknowledge that I have an amount of influence in his life, and I have the right to use that influence. I might not be Jack’s real mother, but I am the closest thing he has to a second parent.”

“I know. I was wrong.” Her eyebrows shoot up. Not at any point in her memory has she ever heard Hotch say anything like that. “Look, Em,” he says, hesitantly putting his hand over hers. “Haley is Jack’s mother, and she always will be. But you’re right. I want you to help me raise my son, and I haven’t given you enough credit for all you’ve done in the time we’ve been together. We are a family, and I had no right to tell you that you don’t get a say in his life, because you are his other parent, and if I marry you-“ her head snaps around to face him, eyes wide. “-which I’m not asking you to do now, but I would like to eventually, you will officially be his parent. I’m still hesitant to refer to you as his mother-“

“I don’t want to be his mother! He can have you, and Haley, and me as his parents.”

“And that’s exactly what we’ll do. He loves you, and I love you, and you should get a say in his life. And you were right that I don’t like to deal with my feelings. I’ll... well, I’ll work on that, but I make no promises.”

“That’s okay, Aaron.” She buries her head in his chest. “We have to work together. From now on, we’re a team.” He kisses the top of her head and then rests his chin on her shoulder.

“Agreed. It’s you, me, and Jack from here on out.”

“I’m good with that.” In the dim light from opposite ends of the National Mall, Emily inhales the crisp night air, mixed in with the smell of Hotch’s cologne, and sighs. Her family. It’s got a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

This was a really fun (and by that I mean deeply angsty) concept for me, so thank you for reading, and I appreciate any comments/feedback you have on it! Also, if you liked it, if you wouldn’t mind giving it a reblog, I would love it. Thank you!!! 💖

[the-awkward-outlaw]

“ I hate you. ”

Oof, this one made me sad! There’s a lot of angst in this one! 

Masterlist on AO3! 

Arthur’s been in a strange mood for the past few days. He’s hardly been in camp, which is nothing new. This man is constantly running around, doing jobs for people in camp and finding treasures, hunting and trading animals, meeting new people. What’s weird about his recent behavior is that the times he’s been in camp, he’s avoided you. 

You and Arthur have been a couple for nearly a year and you’ve rarely fought. Arthur’s always been thoughtful and sweet, and he knows you better than anyone else. If he asked you to marry him, you’d say yes. A few days back, he’d been in camp and he’d just snipped at everything you seemed to do or say. It was almost like he wanted to start a fight. Worse was that he didn’t seem to want you close to him. You’ve never been an overly touchy person, but he’s the exception. That day, whenever you tried to hold his hand or touch his arm, he’d brush you off. 

Then later that night, he went into your shared tent and found your journal, which you’d left there and forgotten. It was lying open on a page where you’d drawn his face and a small entry that had nothing to do with him. Arthur picked it up and flipped through the pages and found that on almost every single one, he was mentioned or you’d drawn him.

When you came in to go to sleep, he jumped on you. He accused you of being obsessive, even on the edge of being creepy. He said some pretty bad things along with those and you just stood there, not defending yourself. It was a habit of yours from your childhood as your parents constantly yelled at you and if you argued back, they’d get meaner. So you just let Arthur be mad and say those things. You wiped away a tear before he saw and left the tent to sleep elsewhere. 

Were you creepy? Was your habit of focusing on Arthur unhealthy, even borderline stalker? You don’t know, you’ve never been in love before. Not like this anyways. He saved your life a few months before you started dating, there’s no doubt about that. 

Your parents had died a long time ago and they left you in the care of your mother’s sister. She was more of a proper mother than yours ever was and she raised you properly, teaching you how to take care of  yourself. She was your best friend too. But then she got sick and within days was dead. In your grief, you left her home and just wandered, searching for purpose. Sunk in your grief and depression, Hosea found you and brought you to his gang, but it was Arthur who helped you go through your grief. He was the one who took interest in you, who you told about your past, and it was he who helped you go through the motions of grief and he was always the one there to help you stand when you didn’t have the strength. There’s no doubt in your mind that without his help, you would have killed yourself. Arthur saved you. 

You never saw your habits of drawing him or talking about him in your journal was unhealthy. Sure, you stuck to him more than the others, but he was your boyfriend, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? You’d thought your relationship was strong, healthy, but Arthur pointed out the obvious flaws that night. You still remember the way he threw your journal on the ground. 

Over the past couple of days since the fight, Arthur’s hardly been around and he’s avoided you like the plague. You’ve come to a particularly painful decision; it’s time to end the relationship. Arthur clearly wants nothing to do with it, or you for that matter. He strolls in on his big horse and you call him over. You see him roll his eyes a bit and take in a deep breath, but he walks over. 

“What is it?” he says in a cold voice, his hands on his gunbelt. 

“We need to talk, Arthur. Alone.” You walk off into the trees, listening to him follow. When you’re near the river’s edge beneath Horseshoe Overlook, you stop and turn. Your chest is tight and there’s a big lump in your throat. You don’t talk for a while. 

“You gonna say somethin’ or am I free to let my mind wander?” Arthur snaps after waiting a few moments. 

You sigh again. “Sorry. I’m just… trying to decide how to do this.” You bite your lip and then speak up. “Arthur, I think it’s best we stop seeing each other.” 

“Well that ain’t possible, the camp ain’t that big.” 

“You know what I mean, Arthur. I clearly creep you out and I… I don’t want to be with you anymore,” you lie. 

Arthur lowers his brow and looks at you hard. “Fine. That’s just fine.” 

He stalks back up the hill before you have a chance to say anything further. You sink down on a rock and cry. Time passes and when you’re ready to rejoin camp, it’s well into the afternoon. 

The next few days are particularly difficult. Arthur comes around camp more often now that you’re not dating, but whenever you’re in ear shot, you swear you hear him make some kind of snide remark. He doesn’t bother to hide the fact that you broke up, but he doesn’t go boasting about it either. At least he has the decency to do that. Whenever he goes to greet the girls and make sure they’re doing fine, he pointedly ignores you. 

Four days of this go by and you’re not sure how much longer you can take it. You feel yourself sinking into that familiar pit that Arthur helped you climb out of. 

One afternoon, you’re standing at Pearson’s wagon, making the last parts of tonight’s stew. Arthur walks past without throwing you a glance, but then Abigail walks up to him. 

“How you doin’, Arthur? I hear you went and saw that Mary again.” 

Arthur just chuckles and hides his eyes beneath his hat, a faint blush on his cheeks. “Yes, but I just helped her with a favor.” 

“I always did like her,” Abigail says. You know she’d never say this in front of you, but she clearly hasn’t noticed you. “You two sweet on each other again? Sure it’d be a change for you.” 

Arthur huffs a bit. “Nah, like I said, just helpin’ her with a favor.” He peaks over Abigail’s shoulder and spots you. “Was nice bein’ with a woman who at least pretended like I wasn’t the center of her world.” 

You wince at the remark as it was clearly intended for you. Your eyes begin to tear up and you hear Abigail say something, but you don’t hear what she says over the roaring in your ears. “I hate you, Arthur Morgan,” you mutter under your breath. 

Feeling hurt and betrayed, you slam down the corn you’d been stripping of its hair and stalk off over to the horses. Without looking back at him, you mount up on your horse and gallop out of camp. You hear someone calling your name, but you ignore it. You’re glad that you always keep your tent, bedroll, guns and extra clothes in your saddlebag. You’re leaving the Van der Linde gang and you’re not coming back. You can’t come back. 

*********************************

Right after Arthur made the remark about Mary not being “obsessed” with him, he felt incredibly guilty, especially when he saw your face. How your entire face went red and your eyes grew shiny with moisture and your lip trembled. He knew he’d taken things too far, but then you got off on your horse and ran off. He’d called your name but you ignored him. 

Arthur puts his hands on his hips and sighs. He’s really messed up now, he knows it. He shouldn’t have been so hard on you, but he was devastated when you’d broken things off with him. When you said you didn’t want to be with him anymore, it broke his heart but he wasn’t going to force you to do anything you didn’t want to do. 

It was true, Arthur had found it strange and a little unsettling how he seemed to be your entire world. When he’d flipped through your journal, he hadn’t really bothered to read the passages. He’d just seen his name scribbled among them and seen your sketches of his face, his body. If he’d read it, he would have found them filled with emotion, gratitude and love. He’d gotten angry with you because he was worn out, exhausted from how much he’d been sent off on jobs. Then he’d gotten that damn letter from Mary and his mind went into a confusing whirlwind of emotions, with memories of both you and Mary tumbling around. 

Arthur did love you more than Mary, but she had some kind of mysterious hold on him. She always had and he hated it, especially since she knew it and played him better than anyone else could. You never once accused him of being a horrible man, never asked him to change, never looked down on him. He felt better when he was around you, like he was worthy of gaining redemption for his bad choices. Mary only told him how she should have hung him years ago. 

Arthur rubs his jaw, staring off into the trees where you’d run off. He’d heard you mutter that you hated him and he doesn’t blame you. He knows he’s taken things too far since you broke up and he has a feeling you didn’t do it because you wanted to, but because you were under the impression it was what he wanted. He also remembers the horrible things he’d said to you in the tent that night, how you’d just stood there. You must have believed those things, why else wouldn’t you try to contradict him? 

Hosea walks up to him and claps a hand on his shoulder. “Son, think you got a little out of hand with her,” he says. 

“No doubt,” Arthur says. “But maybe it’s for the best, Hosea. After all, she was a little….  Don’t you think she was a little too obsessed with me?” 

Hosea gives him a curious look. “No, I don’t think that at all.” 

“Well, you didn’t see her journal. I was on almost every page of that thing.” 

Hosea smiles. “And how many pages of your journal does she occupy? I dare you to count them, Arthur. You might be surprised. There’s a fine line between being obsessed and being in love.” 

Arthur just huffs and walks off to his tent. Hosea’s got him thinking: how much of his journal are you in? He pulls it out and flips through it. Sure enough, you’re mentioned or sketched on a large portion of the pages. In fact, most of them have you. Arthur’s heart sinks further and then he looks up at the table where he keeps a picture of you next to the photo of his mother. Lying next to it is your journal. You never picked it up after he threw it on the ground, too afraid to come back to the tent to collect it. 

He grabs it and flips through it again. He takes the time to read the passages and most of the ones he’s mentioned is you stating the things he’s taken you to see or do, how grateful you are he helped you to live so you could experience life. He realizes your behavior is not obsession, but love and adoration. 

When he gets to the last page in your journal that you wrote in, he comes to the conclusion that it’s a good thing you dumped him. After all, he’s not worthy of you.

***********************************

Two weeks have passed since you left camp. You’ve made no plans or intentions to ever go back, not when you know Arthur will be there. You’ve set up a small, make-shift camp in Big Valley, a place Arthur showed you months ago. It’s been one of your favorite places ever since and the sunrises and sunsets are out of this world. Game and wild herbs are plentiful, the stream provides more than enough water to support you. This is the perfect place. You’ll stay here for a long time. 

Of the gang, you’ve heard nothing, to which you’re grateful. Most of them were your friends and you didn’t take the time to say good-bye. Arthur had hurt you so badly, you couldn’t stay any longer. You still think about him everyday. How could you not? You were intending to be with him your entire life, even if you never got married. You just wish things hadn’t ended so badly, all your memories of him are tainted by it. Sometimes, you wish you’d never fallen in love with him. It would make things easier. 

It’s late afternoon and you’re out hunting. A large herd of pronghorns graze peacefully near a large dead tree on the banks of the shallow stream. You take down a buck easily, but you feel another pang that if it weren’t for Arthur, you’d be starving right about now. He was the one who taught you how to hunt and butcher. You skin the pronghorn and take as much meat as you can carry, then you go back to your little camp. When you get there, you’re forced to a stop. Someone’s in your camp. 

You recognize Arthur’s form too easily and your heart begins to pound in your chest. What has he come here for? Has Dutch sent him to hunt you down and drag you back to camp? No, Dutch always said no one was forced to stay with the gang, it’s not a prison camp. Then is Arthur here to start another fight? Is he going to try and kill you? You don’t like to think he intends to, but the thought still crosses your mind. 

You stand there and stare at his back for a long time. He’s sitting at the fire, clearly waiting for you. He must feel your presence because he finally turns around and looks at you. He sighs, looking a little relieved. He stands up and turns his body to face you. 

“Hey sweetheart. Don’t be nervous, I ain’t here to hurt ya.” He puts his arms up as if he’s surrendering. 

You’re in a defensive stance, your eyes don’t blink as they flit over his form. “What do you want, Arthur?” you say quietly. 

“I just wanted to come and apologize. I’ve always been a fool, but lately I’ve been a complete ass.” 

You breathe out hard, almost as though you’re skeptical. “Why would you apologize to me, Arthur? I’m your stalker, remember? I give you the creeps.” 

He looks down. “I’m so sorry, darlin’. I should never have said those things. They aren’t true, never have been. I just… saw your journal, but didn’t bother to really look at it and I jumped to conclusions. Hosea gave me some hard truths and I’ve realized you ain’t ever been what I accused you of. You’re… you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

He looks up again and his eyes are glittering. “Darlin’, I ain’t here to try and convince you to take me back. Hell, don’t! I don’t deserve ya. But I made ya feel like you weren’t welcome anymore and that’s not fair. I just wanted to let you know you still have a home with the gang. I won’t get in the way of that.” 

You haven’t relaxed your stance. He sighs again. “Well, I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry. I… I hope you’ll come home. Not for me, but for everyone else. They all miss you. Especially Mary-Beth and Jack. They’ve missed your funny stories.” 

Arthur heads over to his horse and mounts up. Without another word, he rides off. When you’re sure he’s gone, you creep over to your camp. Nothing has been moved or taken, in fact you see a folded piece of paper on your bedroll. Opening it, you see a sketch of you. You recognize Arthur’s work. At the bottom of the page, you see in his loopy writing, the words “I love Y/N”. A ball forms in your throat again, but you’re not really sure how to respond from here. 

*******************************

Two days later, you finally pack up your camp and head back to Horseshoe Overlook. When you return, you’re welcomed with open arms and happy smiles. Hosea pats your shoulder, stating it’s good to have you back. Pearson’s ecstatic when you give him all the pelts and meat you’ve collected during your trip. Jack runs over, asking if you saw any unicorns (your last story had been about a princess who met a unicorn in a forest). 

The last person who comes to greet you is Arthur. When you both lock eyes, everyone turns away and goes back to their own tasks, knowing you both need your privacy. Arthur wears a small, shy smile and he walks over to you. 

“I’m glad you came home, Y/N.” He shuffles his feet a little, wanting to say a thousand things to  you. However, he doesn’t want to pressure you to take him back, knowing it’s not fair to you. “Well, let me know if you need anything.” He tips his hat and starts walking away. 

Before he gets far, you grab his hand, spin him around to face you and bury your head into his chest. His chest clenches hard, but he folds his arms around you. He feels the moisture from your eyes seeping into his shirt, but he doesn’t care. He kisses the top of your head and squeezes you. 

“I love ya,” he whispers in your ear. 

You look up at him, your eyes red and puffy, fresh tracks running down your cheeks. “I love you, Arthur Morgan.”

[magicalforcesau]

Dancing With Ghosts in Your Garden~ Chapter 7- Year 1: February

(Ao3 link)

One thing Obi-Wan and Satine agreed upon was that despite their shocking discovery in an unsuspecting broom closet, they should do their utmost to maintain decorum. The very last thing they needed was every student getting it in their heads to explore the school for secret tunnels. Regardless of what this meant for their pending investigation(s), keeping the peace was essential if they wanted to get any further.

The second thing they agreed about was whom to share this information with, which considering the perilous circumstances that were already weighing on this school year, logically meant heading straight for Headmaster Yoda. For the busiest wizard in the school, he saw them quickly and took their accounts very seriously, even going as far as to follow them and excuse them from their studies for the morning to help clue him in.

Unfortunately, as far as agreement went, that was as far as it went between Obi-Wan and Satine. 

“You didn’t show him the robe.” Satine said tersely as they walked back to the common room to pick up their books for their afternoon classes. 

He sighed, knowing in the back of his mind that this confrontation was inevitably coming, even if he chose to ignore it all day, “You know why.”

“We took an oath to lead without bias.” She returned with the same level tone. “In case you’ve forgotten.”

“And I am insulted you would insinuate that’s why.” He walked along her step-for-step and felt the blood boil in his face. No, he would not break first.

“You’re withholding evidence!” She waved her hands around, turning her back to him so she could ascend up the winding stairs, “And you know it.”

“A discarded robe is hardly evidence when we know for certain that this alleged cheater has been masquerading as a Slytherin this entire time! If anything, it likely exempts Anakin as a suspect and quite possibly, Gryffindor house.” 

“Or,” Satine said archly, “Your tornado of a mentee has been running around the tunnels this entire time, as insinuated by a conversation we overheard between him and Rex.”

“My-” He shook his head, and while he would normally quell his rising tone, freely continued without hesitation when noticing they were alone in the common room, “My what of a mentee? You have the audacity to call me biased when you’ve had it out for Anakin this entire bloody time!”

“I do not have it out for him, Ben!” She implored, for once not as angry as him and more exasperated than anything else, “I don’t have the time or energy to hold grudges against 11 year old’s!”

“And yet,” He rounded the couch, dramatic as that may be, “At every single turn you insist on accusing him before even pausing to think about other possibilities.”

“Then read them to me!” She snapped, “Because here are the facts that I see: Anakin has admitted to discovering the tunnel system on Halloween night, Anakin is always popping up seemingly out of nowhere, Anakin is the only one to score 100% on Professor Windu’s homework assignments lately, we found his robe inside the physical tunnel, and Rex and Anakin were literally talking about his going out the night before.”

He clenched his jaw and stuck out his hand, tallying off rebukes to each of her statements, “Professor Windu and Yoda confirmed a trap door leading to those tunnels, making it quite possibly an accident, Anakin is a quiet and sneaky little boy, he is so frightened of Windu that he doesn’t want to set him off and actually tries in that class, I still stand by my previous statement of this being an easy frame-job, and that conversation was so obviously taken out of context.”

She rubbed at her temples, “I’m not sure what kind of “research” you and Qui-Gon do during your not-so-secret late night investigations, thank you for the invitation, by the way, but you are being absolutely delusional.”

Obi-Wan’s jaw went slack as he floundered a bit at her knowing that. He sniffed and straightened his posture. It never remotely occurred to him that Satine would want to be involved. He’d been far too concerned about Anakin to think of it. Any guilt that might have snuck its way into his chest was just as easily banished when he remembered why they were quarreling in the first place.

“You’re being petty.” He said calmly.

“Maybe I am.” She retorted and made her way over to the bookcase that led to the girl’s dormitory, “And maybe I’ll relent on pettiness when you decide to wake up and look at what’s right in front of you.”

***

Anakin was unsure what was up with Obi-Wan, but the older wizard seemed incredibly tense when he caught up with him by the prefect bathroom on the third floor. Evidently, Hondo had snuck inside and tried to promote his new business venture by scribbling his information on the bathroom stalls. 

“Why do prefects even get their own bathrooms anyway?” Anakin thought aloud, “What’s so great about you guys that you need to pee in private?”

Obi-Wan sighed through his nose and kept his stare straight, “I’m afraid I don’t have a proper answer for you Anakin.”

Anakin would normally pester for at least a slightly more riveted response, but it didn’t seem like his mentor was in the mood. Because of this, he read the room and assumed it was not the time to bring up the herbology essay he had due in a few days that remained untouched at the moment.

“You look tired.” Obi-Wan said after a long period without talking. 

“I was up late.” He said.

“So, I’ve heard.” Obi-Wan replied dryly and Anakin stopped in his tracks.

“Windu told you?” He whined. “Man, Echo and Fives were already giving me a hard time for costing Gryffindor 10 more points.”

Something in Obi-Wan stiffened again before turning back to look at Anakin with a calm yet scrutinizing stare, “He caught you out of bed late.”

“Yeah, I had a really bad dream about-” He wasn’t sure why, but Anakin knew he shouldn’t share his experience with Dooku and Palpatine to Obi-Wan. It was far from the concept of mistrust, but more because it felt sacred. Palpatine followed Anakin’s beliefs without question and saw them through to the end, even enlisting Professor Dooku along as well. Even then, Anakin hadn’t shared entirely what he’d seen. He didn’t want to until he knew for certain.

“-About the Zillo Beast.” Which was a lie and yet it came much easier than the truth of talking about the true threat. Maybe this was why Anakin was initially accepting of the beast’s death sentence. He thought it might solve something within him, but it didn’t and it wouldn’t. “I went looking for Qui-Gon.”

Obi-Wan paused and Anakin wondered if he was actually going to believe him, before softening and guilt twisted in the young boy’s gut. 

He placed a supportive hand on his shoulder as they continued to walk, “You shouldn’t wander the castle alone. It isn’t safe.”

“You do it.” He mumbled.

“I’m not the one with a price on my head.” His voice was gentle and he seemed considerably eased in comparison to the beginning of their conversation, but his eyes were still stern, “Though I can’t necessarily blame you for seeking out Qui-Gon.”

“Windu didn’t even listen to me.” Anakin said glumly.

“Professor Windu tends to look only at the facts presented in front of him,” And for once, Obi-Wan appeared to grow mad at this thought, “Which can admittedly delude one from the connecting factors.”

“It’s like he thinks I’m guilty of something that I don’t even know about.” He shrugged.

His mentor ran a hand through his immaculately combed hair and sighed, “I know what you mean.”

***

Cody tried to stifle a chuckle as he watched his two best friends try to pretend like they weren’t utterly pissed with each other during breakfast. Because it was “strictly prefect business”, neither had opted to share the dirty details of their most recent quarrel with Cody, but from what he could tell, it was personal.

Obi-Wan was typically the more apologetic of the two by nature. Satine tended to dig her heels into the ground to stick up for what she believed in while Obi-Wan was a bit more open-minded. Obi-Wan often said the wrong thing based on past bias that hurt Satine’s feelings and Satine usually let him know it with her own fires that upset him. He always knew they would bounce back, because they always did. It was the nature of their friendship and most of the time, he just had to sit back and watch.

The roles seemed to be reversed this time around, which was always an interesting change-up. Obi-Wan clearly was being headstrong about his beliefs this time, which eliminated it being over any sort of familial relation and Satine was exasperated with his mindset and had likely said something offensive in the process.

Did that stop them from sitting side-by-side and attending all of their classes and obligations together? Apparently not.

It didn’t mean they were above passive aggression. 

“Just to let you know, pretending that those pancakes are Kenobi’s face isn’t going to make the anger go away.” He quipped and Satine set aside her utensils, of which she was previously butchering her pancakes with.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything except:  “So, OWLS.”

It seemed the subject of OWLS was the only thing that prevented the two of them from biting each other’s heads off. He didn’t know how, since the idea of standardized testing always made Cody feel at risk of his own head exploding.

“Before you go all “post-Quidditch-loss” glum, I’ve devised a schedule to optimize all of our success.” Satine reached across the table and patted Cody’s hand.

He smiled, relieved that he didn’t have to say anything at all for them to understand his concerns.

“I might straight up fail out of my potions exam.” He grimaced, “I think I tie with Hondo for the most explosions in that class.”

“Except Hondo’s might be intentional.” Obi-Wan mused before shrugging, “So, we’ll pay extra attention on that one.”

“I’ve already accounted for that, actually.” Satine said curtly, but didn’t add in any snark, and showed him the color-coded schedule she’d assembled.

“Defense Against the Dark Arts is pretty low on the priority list.” Cody commented, not really thinking that much on it. They all did sufficiently well with Kenobi being the most proficient at the subject, as he was at most things. However, he expected it to be quite hard, with Dooku being behind it and all.

“Well,” Satine’s voice was even more clipped now, “It’s not like any of us will be needing it next year.”

It was the first time it had been mentioned- even indirectly, but from across the table, Cody had optimum viewership of the way Kenobi’s entire body seemed to grow incredibly taut. Truthfully, Cody had never asked what happened during his friends’ meetings with the headmaster. He figured they would all eventually be forthcoming with what transpired and Satine had done as such with her decision to work for the ministry, but Kenobi hadn’t said anything. 

He cleared his throat, “That’s alright. I mean, I don’t love spending my time thinking about that stiff, Dooku, anyway.”

His attempt at levity didn’t work much. It was almost like he hadn’t spoken at all.

Obi-Wan looked stuck between a scathing comment and retreating altogether while Satine seemed like she was daring him to do either. It gave her a different excuse to be frustrated or annoyed and that seemed to be what she wanted. 

Obi-Wan finally broke the silence between them, “Regardless of what we use, we ought to do plenty of research. You know, in-depth analysis that isn’t taken purely at face value.”

“That is true.” She said coolly, “But true research is, of course, at least acknowledging a clear trajectory as opposed to ignoring it simply because you do not like it.”

“True research is also about being able to trust your participant’s judgment.” He said, “Which is why only few are eligible to participate in the first place.”

“It’s got nothing to do with trust and everything to do with refusing to collaborate.” She snapped, “And- You know what? Nevermind. I feel like I’m talking myself in circles here. I’ll see you both at a later time for studying. I’ve got to go help Vizsla prepare for his potions project.”

“Be sure to make the smiley faces extra obnoxious this time.” Obi-Wan called after her. 

Satine gave him a not-so-friendly hand gesture and disappeared from the Great Hall with the only trace being the deflated Obi-Wan Kenobi, who watched where she left with a curious mixture of contempt and admiration.

“So,” Cody folded his hands, “Is Anakin prepared for his potions project?”

Obi-Wan grimaced, “Never actually told me there was a project. So, no.”

***

Anakin wasn’t exactly surprised to be summoned into Qui-Gon’s office that following day, given he was sure Obi-Wan passed on any concerns about Anakin to the professor. It was complicated in a sense, because while Anakin appreciated having people who looked out for him in favor of the alternative, he wanted to prove that he could sort out his own issues and didn’t need babysitters. 

“How can you lecture me about not getting any sleep when Obi-Wan has looked like a zombie half the time these days?” Anakin protested.

Qui-Gon poured him a cup of tea that Anakin would fail to feign enjoyment of and chuckled softly. “Do you truly believe I haven’t lectured Obi-Wan about his self-care habits?”

“I haven’t seen you do it.” Anakin said.

“Same as Obi-Wan isn’t present now, I try to keep my chastising towards only him. In any case, I did not invite you here to discuss your sleeping habits. At least, not in the way you believe.”

Anakin was thankful to have the teacup in order to have something to do. Even if tea did usually taste like rooty leaf water. 

“Have you ever heard of parseltongue?” Qui-Gon asked calmly.

He scrunched up his nose- both in response to the gross taste of the tea and in confusion over what the professor just asked him.

“Is that a disease?” He asked.

“No,” He chuckled and set his own teacup down, “It’s the language of the serpents as well as those who can communicate with them.”

“Who would want to talk to a bunch of snakes?” Anakin questioned, “I’d rather talk to a shark or dog or something.”

“Salazar Slytherin saw it to be a very useful trait. He didn’t just use it to speak to snakes, but influence them as well.” He said, “Most parselmouths, as the speakers are generally called, derive from his bloodline.”

Anakin tapped his chin, truly trying to think about what this had to do with him. It wasn’t like his dreams ever involved snakes. Then again, he had told Obi-Wan he’d been dreaming about the Zillo Beast, who while unlike a dragon as previously discussed in Palpatine’s class, could have been more like a snake.

“Is this about the Zillo Beast?” He broke the silence, which had previously only been filled by the soft crackling of the hearth central to Qui-Gon’s office. It made Anakin remember with clarity his moment on Diagon Alley, when the dark wizard was speaking to the flames.

“Not directly,” Qui-Gon said and pulled out a book that appeared to be some sort of translator, “The night of the holiday party when you were incapacitated, you were muttering… Words in parseltongue.”

“That’s not possible!” Anakin frowned, “I’m horrible at second language. You should have seen my French grades in school.”

“Parseltongue is not typically something learned, Anakin. It can be mimicked, but most of the time it is a purely genetic trait.” He said.

“But, that would mean...” Anakin didn’t have a proper answer for that. His mother had left him so in the dark regarding wizard lineage that he didn’t have a rebuttal for why he spoke a hereditary language among snakes. It sounded cool enough, but Qui-Gon was doing that thing adults did when they tried terribly hard to appear calm, even if they weren’t. 

“I don’t expect you to have the answers.” Qui-Gon said gently, “It’s quite possible you were simply relaying the message of the dark wizard that poisoned you. However, as word of these dreams persists, I’m concerned that you are… Seeing things that could be of assistance.”

Anakin squirmed in his seat, unsure how to possibly express that he was already looking into this with Dooku and Palpatine. However, neither of them had mentioned parseltongue. Maybe there was something Qui-Gon could decipher that they couldn’t.

“The word you primarily kept muttering over and over again, was “Vader”, which is German, for-”

“Father?” Anakin guessed, having to really dig in the crevices of his mind to a day where his school was not one of magical ability. 

“Exactly that.” Qui-Gon paused, “Forgive me if this is out of turn, Anakin, but do you find it possible that your father could have anything to do with this?”

“My father is a muggle. I never knew him.” Anakin said tersely and tried not to make it sound as foul as it tasted to say.

Qui-Gon’s eyes grew very sad as he nodded, “Very well. I will continue to search for any other utterances that strike out. And Anakin, please remember that you can always talk to me should your dreams trouble you any longer.”

“Yes, Professor.” Anakin said, but it felt more automatic than anything, because the mention of his deadbeat father, who didn’t so much as have a face to Anakin, made him feel a numbness that he hadn’t remembered for a long time. “Hopefully, I’m not busted by Windu next time.” He added, trying to add a sprig of humor to his voice.

Qui-Gon frowned, “When did this happen?”

“Two nights ago while he was on patrol.”

“Windu wasn’t supposed to-” He cut himself off in what seemed to be intense thought. “Well, I will talk to him.”

Anakin took this as his cue to leave, but turned back to catch Qui-Gon staring thoughtfully in space, feeling his skin prick from the unspoken accusations that floated aimlessly between them. Windu was not supposed to be roaming the castle either that night.

So, what was he doing?

***

“I’ve searched each path as instructed, Headmaster.” Mace Windu walked into the room without any warning of his arrival.The little headmaster was propped up on a stack of firm pillows in order to see over his desk, which no doubt had been designed for someone of the height of the average adult. His eyes were bright this evening and his long green ears perked up when he noticed he had company. 

“Found nothing, have you?” He spoke in that reversed verbiage that had become commonplace for Windu to understand. 

“The tunnel that led to the Zillo Beast is significantly newer than the rest of the tunnel systems.” He said with a nod of concession, “The infrastructure of these tunnels are ancient in make- whereas the tunnel that led to that dark lair was only meant to look old for aesthetic.”

“Sealed these tunnels should have been.” Yoda said gravely, “Meant for dark magic and smuggling, they initially were.”

Mace Windu knew this and while his peers and students would likely assess that he was an extreme stickler for the rules, he was not by any means unreasonable. He did not see the pure dangers of these tunnels for merely existing. Should they receive proper care and supervision, they just became different pathways to class. 

“Would you like me to seal them?” He asked.

“Tried many times, I have.” Yoda shook his head, “Against the will of the school, it is.”

Mace frowned, “Against the will of the school? With all due respect, Headmaster, regardless of all the magic in the world, this place is not physically alive.”

“Hmm,” Yoda gave him a look of appraisal, “Sure of that, are you?”

“It is not sentient.” He responded plainly, “It doesn’t have a beating heart or required source of sustenance. Biologically, it is not living.”

“Constrained, your definition of alive is.” He said, “The beating heart, the students are. The sustenance, knowledge is. Sentient, it is not, but intentions, it does have. For as long as it’s needed, alive, Hogwarts is.”

It took much patience to prevent himself from releasing an impatient sigh. Really, he knew what Yoda meant, but working amongst those that refused to see things straightforward could be frustrating. He supposed he was already spared enough from Qui-Gon’s presence for the night. Then, he’d be double-teamed.

“That does not help us with preventing another attack.” He said with folded arms.

“Then, the matter of the cheater, there is.” Yoda added thoughtfully.

“You’ve already declined my suspicions.” Mace said, trying too hard not to sound bitter about being rejected. 

“Keep looking, we must.” He pulled out a wrinkled map from his desk drawer. It was a map that was enchanted to show the whereabouts of every student in the school. It showed the blueprint of every location with the exception of the secret tunnels. His little green hand slid the map towards Mace. “Patrol the tunnels again, you shall, but tell anyone, you must not.”

***

He was in the hallway, late for class or at least he thought he should be. The sky was blue and he could hear birds, but the clouds looked stormy. He turned away from the window, but no one was there. In fact this wasn’t the hallway at all.

He was in the library, but it was loud and there were no windows. The book shelves seemed to trap him, he couldn’t walk towards the entrance, or try to find Obi-Wan at his usual table; whenever he tried it was only another shelf of books. He tried to grab at one, maybe there was a secret passage he’d missed somehow, but the books were stuck in place. He grabbed one with both hands and he pulled on it so hard his feet left the ground for a second, but still it didn’t budge.

He decided to continue down the passageway. He wasn’t even sure why that book stood out to him so much. Still, his hands itched to rip it from the shelf. It’s spine had been a deep blue, so deep in fact that it may as well have been black, he hadn’t caught the title, but it must have been important.

Before he could turn around and go back for it, a drop of water fell onto his hand. He looked up and realized it was too dark to see, looking behind him he could no longer see any books. The only light in the room were the walls, dazzling bright lights burst out of the carvings there. Stick figures were walking with him on either side and although they didn’t have mouths or really any way to make noise, he could hear them chanting almost like it was coming from the beat of his own heart.

“Vader, Vader, Vader,” It echoed in his mind even if he wasn’t sure he was really hearing it or not. He tried to tune it out as he continued, nowhere else to go, but the figures continued to follow him, glowing eerily in the dark.

He felt eyes on him, like he was being followed, but when he turned around there was nothing. He turned to continue forward picking up his pace. His heart was hammering louder and with it the chant did too.

“Vader, Vader, Vader,” He hit the end of the hallway. 

The Zillo Beast’s cage.

The beast was no longer there, but the bars had narrowed and there was no way for him to squeeze his way in, or escape from to the other side. He looked left and right, but there were bars there too, so he turned slowly, heart pounding, head filled with chants to see he’d been trapped. There was no way to escape. He pulled at the bars, even tried to climb them, but his palms were slippery with sweat and it seemed as if his strength had left him.

From the shadows he heard a deep voice speaking, but of what he couldn’t hear over the chant:

“Vader, Vader, Vader,”

Footsteps he felt more than heard were coming towards him at a painstakingly slow pace. He was pulling desperately on the bars, but his hands continued to slip. He saw a glint of silver from the darkness and he knew it was the blade he and Rex had seen. Then he saw the man’s robes, still no face, but it was damning enough. The dark robes, nothing fancy, but the inside was a deep mauve which stood out almost unnaturally in the darkness. The color was practically blinding, hypnotising him into standing still, hands sliding off the bars to fall at his side. Their surroundings had changed and he didn’t even notice, trees had sprung up around them and they leaned towards him as if to mock his suffering.

The sword was being raised, it glinted ruby red and the blade looked golden although he was certain it was meant to be silver. The hood of the cloak shifted though it still revealed no face; it did however allow the cloak to move in such a way that a wand was visible, if only for a, strangely long, second.

It was a twisting dark wood wand, blackthorn, he knew almost immediately because he’d seen such a wand before. It was a wand that did such elegant wand work for its owner, crafting the most beautiful charms.

A wand that belonged to Professor Mace Windu.

The sword swung.

***

Anakin’s eyes shot open and he pressed a hand, still twisted in his sheets, to his mouth to stifle the cry he was sure he’d made. He didn’t dare to move, eyes roving around the parts of the room he could see, but there was no glint of silver or gold, no mauve-lined robes, and no twisted blackthorn wand. He heard a rustle from behind him and he snapped instantly to a sitting position, grasping his wand he’d kept under his pillow in trembling hands pointing it towards the source of the sound.

Rex was rubbing his eyes and looking blearily at him.

“What’s wrong?” His voice was thick with sleep and Anakin lowered his wand, but he didn’t loosen his grip. Although Rex had already done so, he couldn’t allow his voice to break the silence of the room. His heart was beating quickly and he could almost hear a voice speaking behind the sound, but of what, he did not know. 

“Are you ok?” Rex looked more awake now, and more awake translated to more concerned. Rex slipped out of bed and Anakin tried to focus on the soft patter of feet before Rex was climbing onto Anakin’s four-poster and whispering quietly, “Did you have a bad dream again?”

The fears and terrible memories swelled forward and Anakin felt his breath catch and tears slip from the corners of his eyes. He was trembling and he tried to stop by clutching his wand tighter, but all that did was allow a few golden sparks to fizzle out the end.

“It’s Windu, Rex,” Anakin said although he was sure the shakiness of his voice would not sound convincing, “I saw the tunnel again, but it felt different, like a warning, not a memory,” He was crying now, much as he tried to banish the tears.

“What do you remember?” Rex asked, he wrapped an arm around Anakin’s shoulders, and Anakin had to fight with himself to not cry into his friend's shoulder. He wanted his mum. She’d make things better. For the first time he really wondered if she had been right to stay away from the wizarding world.

“I was in the tunnel, but this time I got put into a cage,” He explained to distract himself, “He had that sword, the one we found and then there were trees.”

“And you’re sure it was Windu?” Rex asked and Anakin nodded frantically.

“His robes were lined with purple, like the scrap we found,” He pushed, “It was so bright like it wanted me to see, and the sword he had… it should have been silver, but it was gold and red-”

“Gryffindor colors,” Rex gasped, pulling away in shock.

“And I saw his wand,” Anakin wiped away tears, “It was Windu.”

“We have to tell Obi-Wan,” Rex whispered with a frown, but Anakin shook his head and practically leaped across the other boy to grab his shoulder.

“We can’t! Obi-Wan doesn’t believe me,” Anakin reminded him.

“But what if it is a warning? If he’s planning to do something-” Rex’s forehead wrinkled as he considered the little knowledge they had.

“He’s too cunning,” Anakin shook his head sadly, “The whole school thinks he’s great. Qui-Gon would hear me out, but without proof he can’t do anything! Everyone at this stupid school would rather have me dead then believe me!” 

This had been weighing on his heart for some time now. He looked to the wand in his hand. When it chose him, he had been elated, it had been one of the best days of his life. To be chosen to do magic and study away at a castle in the hills had easily surpassed everything he’d ever wished for. He wondered now, if it hadn’t been a blessing, but one big curse he was playing into.

“That’s not true,” Rex patted him on the shoulder, “I believe you,” Anakin felt his eyes tearing up again, but he threw his arms around his best friend before they could fall, “If Windu tries to get you, he’ll have to go through me too!”

“Thanks Rex,” Anakin failed at steadying his voice once more, “You're the best friend I could ever ask for.”

***

Anakin awoke to the feeling of his eyelashes being stuck together. So, he scrubbed at his eyes until he could open them enough to see Rex, who must have fallen asleep, still in Anakin’s bed. He was wrapped in all the sheets in a way only the youngest of such a large family could and he only woke up when Anakin tried to pull some of them back.

“Get your own blanket,” He grumbled without opening his eyes, clutching onto what he could with an iron grip.

“These are mine,” Anakin complained, tugging harder. Rex opened his eyes then and sat up, allowing the blankets to fall from his hands as he realized he was in fact, a thief.

“Ah, whoops,” He grinned sheepishly, “Sorry mate, Fives always did say I was a blanket hog.” 

Anakin just shrugged. As if both remembering how they ended up fighting over blankets in the first place, Anakin’s face fell and Rex’s drifted back into concern, “Any more dreams?”

“No,” Anakin shook his head, “But I’m not sure anything could top that last one even if I did,” He admitted and Rex just frowned, slipping off the bed and towards his trunk.

“Well if you don’t want to talk to anyone, maybe we should keep an eye on Windu?” Rex suggested.

“How so? Last time he caught me out of bed I got in trouble and I wasn’t even doing anything,” Anakin complained and Rex just gave him a look.

“The map, you idiot,” And he slapped a hand to his forehead, grabbing it from under his mattress.

“You’re right!” He held the paper up to the light before suddenly dropping it into his pocket and looking around to ensure none of the other first years were awake.

***

“So, Windu’s been going off property, huh?” Rex thought aloud as he and Anakin walked down the winding hill of the front entrance. Anakin’s eyes were glued to the map that rested on top of his textbook, trying to accurately see where the map tapered off. “That’s weird, I find it hard to imagine any of the professors having actual lives- let alone someone as stiff as him.”

“I just assumed they all lived at Hogwarts.” Anakin shrugged, “I guess that would be a little odd.”

“Some of them do.” Rex pointed out, “But yeah, I can’t really see any of them exactly going out on the town and grabbing a beer.”

“Most of them could use one.” He said and frowned, “It still shows us on the map.”

Eventually, a professor or prefect was bound to look and see the two first years drifting seemingly aimlessly across the lawn, looking like they were up to no good, and would surely corral them in. In reality, Rex really needed to study for Charms, but knew Anakin had the subject on lock. Despite being under clear scrutiny with Windu, Anakin had a natural talent for the subject that Rex might never understand. 

That being said, even coupled with the crunchy snow that they squashed beneath their boots and the damp wind that smacked them in the face, there was something about the wide open stretch of white landscape before them that promised the possibilities of great adventure. 

“The grounds are very large.” Rex voiced his thoughts, “I reckon it’ll show us all the way to Hogsmeade if we let it.”

Rex knew the smile that appeared on Anakin’s face quite well. It was one of both determination and mischief and admittedly, it sparked excitement with Rex as well. 

“I don’t see the harm in trying it.” He grinned and then gave pause, “Though, we probably should take an alternative route.”

“I could go for a butterbeer.” Rex answered with a smile that matched his friend’s. 

“I’ve never had one.” Anakin said.

“Great, a bonus mission, then.”

***

Satine prided herself on the ability to multitask. She could simultaneously observe that the first years were behaving as they enjoyed their time after school in the Great Hall, playing board games and chatting amicably, while also trying to mentally construct what she was to do for their latest Charms project.

It was an interesting one, for sure, which involved presenting a counter-charm in front of the class. She and Obi-Wan had paired together of course and despite her recent frustrations with the boy in question, had no worries about their imminent productivity.

Aayla and Stass, who always worked together, were not as confident in the merit of their own work ethic.

“Would you happen to know the counter-charm to my brain melting through my ears?” Stass groaned as she slumped off the bench and onto the floor.

They didn’t have to sit with her while she essentially babysat the younger students, but neither girl seemed to have anywhere else to be and Satine would be a liar to say she didn’t appreciate the company. 

“It’s only a counter-charm if it’s actually you know, countering a different charm.” Satine said with a smile, not taking her eyes off her scan of the crowd. She spotted Viz, who sat in the far corner to the right with a few other students around him. It was a relief to Satine that he’d found more friends. He’d been such a loner in the beginning of the year, only really seen occasionally beside Anakin Skywalker.

Satine bit her tongue. She was especially glad he found other friends.

“We could go simple, you know. That is always an option.” Aayla said, “A locking and unlocking display wouldn’t hurt us.”

“You know Windu will have a well-timed and well-deserved lecture about taking the easy way out.” Stass sighed, “He’d rather see us fail at something hard than opt for something too easy.”

“When you’re right, you’re right.” Aayla flopped backwards so she was lying flat on the bench. One of her blue lekku dangled over the side, just barely above the stone floor. “What are you and Kenobi working on?”

“We haven’t discussed it yet, actually.” Satine kept her hands folded in her lap and tried not to appear visibly cross with him, even if most could tell by the way they behaved around each other. It didn’t help when she could practically feel the curious stares of her prying and procrastinating friends.

“You haven’t come up with the full plans for the project?” Stass gaped, “But it’s been a whole week since it was assigned.”

“I’ve been a little busy, you know.” She pointed out, “Those essays for potions were not exactly what I’d call a fun time.”

“You still got the best grade in the class.” Aayla said.

“Second best.” She corrected almost automatically. “By a whopping half point.”

“Good thing you’re not keeping score.” She smirked.

Satine rolled her eyes. She really wasn’t. So, it was in her nature to be a little competitive when it came to academics. It was always in good nature. She was never mad when he scored better than her on something… Just, determined to be better for her own sake. 

She was already considered at a disadvantage at this school for being a muggle-born. She didn’t grow up with magic the way many had. Satine merely felt the need to fill in those gaps in whatever way she could. If it were always easy for her and she was simply always the best, she would grow uninspired. In comparison to this, she always had someone to walk in tandem with in terms of intellect, even if that person was presently being an idiot.

As if on cue, Obi-Wan Kenobi walked into the Great Hall, scanning the crowd with determined eyes until they landed on her. She cocked an eyebrow in response, contrasting the smile she might shoot him if she weren’t still cross with him. Most students liked to relax after the course of the school day, which might involve untucking their shirts, rolling up their sleeves, loosening their ties, or removing their jumpers. Obi-Wan was far from “most students” and almost constantly opted to dress with the primness of a new day.

He walked over to her, but kept turning his head around the crowd. Most students spared him a brief look of concern, noting that two prefects in one area was rarely a good thing, but seemed to recognize Obi-Wan and Satine’s close friendship and continued on with their antics.

It was refreshing in a sense, because the little first years were not nearly as concerned with their friendship as say, third or fourth years were. Satine could not quite fathom why.

“Hey, Kenobi! Here to talk strategy for the match?” Aayla teased as he got closer. 

Satine wasn’t sure how she managed to forget that Ravenclaw’s next Quidditch match was in just a couple weeks’ time, but she guessed her increasing annoyance with her most valuable player was a large component of this. 

Obi-Wan chuckled and shook his head, “No, but that doesn’t mean I’ll say no to advice on how to keep my head on straight against Ventress’s vital blows.”

“Keep the ball from going in the hoop for a start.” Stass offered.

“Mind-blowing. Please go into sports analytics.” Aayla playfully jabbed her friend’s torso with her pointed toes. 

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” Obi-Wan said with a smile that faded into caution when he finally regarded Satine, “May I speak to you alone?”

“That depends, are you going to acknowledge my thoughts and opinions or will you be ignoring all of that completely?” She replied sarcastically and not quite caring if they had witnesses. Obi-Wan could read that the moment he came into the room and she knew it.

“Satine…” He begged quietly in a voice he rarely reserved for anyone else.

She hated how her heart still skipped a bit when looking at him for too long and in favor of avoiding the embarrassment of flushing red in front of her friends, she slid off the table and wordlessly joined him across the room. They could still manage to watch over the first years if they needed to, but it was slightly more secluded.

“I’m assuming this doesn’t have to do with our Charms homework.” She said, but frowned as she noticed he was still searching the crowd with growing tension in his form. “What’s up with you?”

He gave another onceover across the room before returning his gaze back to her and she realized with growing clarity that he wasn’t simply looking from the perspective of a prefect that was trying to do his job, but someone who was actively looking for something else.

Or, as she considered the entirety of first years filling the Great Hall, someone.

“You’re looking for Anakin, aren’t you?” She said with the shake of her head. 

“And Rex.” Obi-Wan sighed, “They skipped their final class today.”

She knitted her eyebrows together, “So-”

“-For the record, this does not mean you were right.” He said pointedly. “These could be two completely unrelated incidents.”

“Oh, well, heaven forbid that ever be the case,” She drawled and crossed her arms over her chest, “And I wasn’t about to say anything of that matter, actually. It’s still my responsibility to ensure the safety of younger students, regardless of who they are.”

“I’m just ensuring you won’t use this as an opportunity to lay a preemptive “I told you so” on me.” 

She bristled, “It’s good to know your faith in me is ever persistent.” 

“I’m here for assistance, aren’t I?” He retorted.

“Are you?” She frowned, “Because you’ve got a funny way of asking for it.”

“Please?” He returned to that gentler tone that stroked something soft in her chest and she shoved it somewhere deep where she didn’t have to think about it… For now. 

She sighed, “Let’s check the common rooms first.”

***

Anakin walked the secret tunnels beneath Hogwarts with enough confidence to make an outside viewer think he carved them out himself. It certainly paralleled significantly to a few months before when he’d merely been eager to see them in the first place. Rex held his glowing wand over the map and huddled close to Anakin as they followed its lead to see just where the map trailed off. 

Even without the map, it was obvious they were no longer beneath the castle as it was beginning to feel like a refrigerator as they continued onwards.

“You know, this is an awful long path for a shortcut.” Rex muttered.

“Pretty straightforward too.” Anakin commented, noting that they had only made one or two minor turns in their trek towards Hogsmeade.

“I wonder what shop we’ll drop in on.” Rex said, though it wasn’t the first he’d thought of it. “It might look a bit funny to pop up behind a merchandise shelf in Zonko’s or something.”

“As long as Windu doesn’t catch us, we’re good.” He said, “He’s observing Slytherin’s Quidditch practice in place of Palpatine. I’d say we’re in the clear for now.”

“I gotta hand it to ya, mate,” Rex began, “Despite all the thinly veiled threats, you really don’t ever quit, do you?”

“Hogwarts is my home.” Anakin said sharply, his high-pitched voice echoing off the wet stone walls, “And I want to keep it safe. I can’t do that if some creep is trying to kill me at every left turn.”

If Rex was going to argue that they were too young to be so protective of their school, he didn’t give any indication of it. It was a relief to have someone in his life that wasn’t so quick to comment on the more augmented portions of Anakin’s statements. 

They walked a little longer in comfortable silence. The only space that filled them was the sounds of their boots sloshing around in puddles. Lining the walls was ice and while there didn’t appear to be any icy patches, the ground was a bit crunchy from snow previously tracked in. 

It was strange, Anakin was beginning to feel even safer in the tunnels than he did walking through the main corridors of Hogwarts. Of course, he felt plenty fine going to and from class as was expected of him. However, exploration of Hogwarts on the surface was strangely forbidden, clearly containing more secrets than the teachers could manage. It was easier to delve deeper.

Not only that, but knowing there was a straight escape out of the building if need be was a bit comforting for Anakin. Seeing as his life had been attempted twice at this point, it was always good to know. That, or if Sebulba figured out it was he who turned his bed into a swamp.

“Hey,” Any comfort he felt seemed misguided by Rex’s tone, “Have you taken this route before?”

“I told you, I’ve never been to Hogsmeade.” Anakin said, but when he tried to continue walking, Rex grabbed him by the sleeve of his robe to force him in front of him. Concern filled the wide brown eyes of his friend, who was only illuminated by the soft glow at the tip of his wand. “What?”

“If you’ve never taken this way before, then how does snowdrift get dragged in here?” He nodded towards the small little dustings of snowy residue that peppered inconsistently across the surface leading forward. 

Anakin frowned and held the map down to his side, giving Rex his full thought and attention for that moment, which was all the more chilling. As much as the tunnels had become a safe haven and escape for Anakin, they were also the primary mode of transportation for his alleged attacker. 

“It’s cold down here.” He added, trying to remain optimistic.

“Not cold enough to freeze.” Rex said.

No, that was also true. While muggle school had bored him, he did understand the basic concepts of temperature control and how water would only freeze when reaching zero degrees celsius. And there were puddles of murky water lingering throughout the tunnels. If it were truly that cold, they would have froze over as well.

He sighed, “Okay, so should we turn back or go-”

Anakin didn’t have the time to finish that thought, because any suggestion he was about to make died on his tongue at the sound of shoes hitting stone flooring at a rapidly approaching speed.

He didn’t have to encourage Rex to follow him as he turned on his heels and began sprinting in the opposite direction. While he nearly dropped his wand in the process, Rex staggered next to him, trying his best to keep up. Somehow, he managed to keep his wand aglow, which did help a little in terms of allowing them to make out what was directly in front of them. However, the speed at which Rex flung his arms made the light seem like it was flashing. 

The way back towards Hogwarts was dark and the brandish motion of Rex’s wand gave off the heightened sensation of a strobe- slowing time impossibly. Anakin balled his hands into fists as he ran, crinkling the revered parchment tightly through his sweaty fingers.

In those seconds, his mind raced to many things.

Windu.

Phantom.

Vader.

The footsteps grew louder and more frantic, even over the sound of his brain pounding in his skull. Whoever chased them was quick and determined, but not heavy on their feet. Anakin veered his head to the side, trying to catch Rex’s eyes in the flickering light of his wobbling wand, but only saw a blur of his friend beside him and tried to focus more on getting out of here. 

It occurred to Anakin, suddenly, what it would take to discover the identity of this masked evil and he squeezed his fist so unbearably tight that it hurt. He wouldn’t tell Rex, so his friend would go on, but he had to know. He could only run for so long.

So, he stopped to a complete halt, trying to hastily unwrinkle the parchment he’d previously crushed in his knee jerk reaction. The tension that was caught in his digits made this exceptionally hard as well as the way his heart threatened to burst through his chest in anticipation. 

The map would reveal the truth. He would have his proof. He would have his name. There would be no more doubt that the person who has repeatedly made Anakin’s first year at Hogwarts so uncharacteristically strange was-

-BAM!

The breath was stolen from Anakin as he bore the full weight of a shrouded body that had been hurtling towards him. For a moment, he was floating and the only thought that drifted across his mind’s eye was that he was no longer holding the map or his wand. He wanted to curse, but the words were also no longer a luxury he could afford.

He skidded to the cold and damp floor, splashing into a puddle with a grunt and a gasp. It felt as though he’d gone into shock as he briefly wrestled in the dark with his witless attacker, who also seemed to have their senses knocked out of them by the impact. 

Blood pumped into Anakin’s ears and pain finally caught up with him after a moment and he looked up into bleak darkness, but had the presence of mind to shove this surprise guest off of him. It was surprisingly an easy feat, not nearly as dense as the menace on Halloween had been when he’d snuck up on him.

Even in his haze, it was clear to him that this wasn’t the same person. This person was small and desperate, scared even. As they rustled a bit in an unsure scuffle, he could feel what seemed to be an emblem on the front of the robe. 

There was no answer of course.

As if also just coming to, the mystery person scrambled to their feet in equal terror as Anakin had initially felt, and stumbled into what would become a running position, the sound of distant footsteps hitting puddles as well as strangely, an irregular fluttering. In what small lighting Rex’s wand allowed for him, he could see that this person was a young boy.

“Anakin, Anakin!” Rex’s arms were underneath Anakin’s armpits as he hoisted him to a standing position. His worried voice indicated that this had not been the first time he’d said his name. “Was that-”

“-That was a student!” Anakin gasped as he dusted himself off, no matter how little good that was going to do when he now had ice and dirty water on his robe. 

“We ought to go after him then!” Rex urged.

“The map!” Anakin panicked, “I was trying to get a look at the map and I dropped it!” 

Rex waved his wand across the floor and both boys exchanged shocked glances when they noticed not only Anakin’s map and wand in a particularly jagged shaped puddle beneath them, but several different slices of parchment all around. Anakin wasted no time looking at them yet as he plucked the map from the water.

“What’s it say?” Rex asked.

“Bollocks.” Anakin cursed, “It doesn’t work when it’s wet, apparently.”

“Well, what kind of spell is that?” He complained. 

“I’m sure Palpatine never thought I’d be dragging it through mud.” Anakin defended slightly and winced, “I hope I didn’t break it.”

Rex bent down to pick up another piece of parchment and frowned, “Well, I think this answers any question of what he was doing down here.”

Anakin looked over his friend’s shoulder and wrinkled his brow, “Homework?”

“This isn’t homework,” Rex rolled his eyes and brought the papers closer to the light, “These are answer keys to the OWLS tests for the fifth years.”

***

Obi-Wan and Satine had searched what seemed like the entire school with growing trepidation. Obi-Wan, in particular, was trying his best not to seem shaken by his mentee’s absence while Satine wondered when and how she was going to suggest adult intervention.

She didn’t have to, luckily, because right as that moment felt inevitable, they stumbled across Anakin and Rex as the boys stood with hands on their knees, huffing and puffing outside of the Gryffindor common room. From her peripherals, she could see Obi-Wan relax substantially and she was also glad for their safety. However, such relief did not prevent varying questions from flooding her mind.

Obi-Wan beat her to the first one, “Where have you two been hiding?”

Anakin straightened with the alarm of someone that was trying to disguise having been caught. Doing what, Satine supposed they didn’t have definitive proof of. At the very least, they’d obviously been running.

“Um, cardio.” He so obviously lied, “For Quidditch.”

“In your full uniforms.” Satine said plainly and then looked to Rex, “Rex isn’t even on the team.”

The youngest Fett’s frown deepened, but after exchanging a quick glance with his best friend and co-conspirator, eased into what Satine could only assume was purposeful ignorance. “I’d like to be someday.”

That much, while true, was irrelevant. She wasn’t buying it and clearly, Obi-Wan wasn’t either. 

“You skipped class- Herbology, mind you, which is far from your strongest subject in order to run around like hooligans?”

“We didn’t mean to miss class.” Anakin justified, “We completely lost track of time!”

Satine rolled her eyes, “You’re really going to have to do better than that. For skipping class no other purpose besides playing hooky, I’ll have no choice but to assign detention for the both of you this evening.”

“Wait, okay!” Rex broke a bit, clearly not keen on spending his time with the likes of Krell and truthfully, Satine didn’t want him to either, “We were… Investigating.”

“Rex!” Anakin glared at his friend.

“No, do share, please.” Obi-Wan said, holding out a hand to cue Anakin to silence.

“We were trying to figure out who was behind this cheating scandal that’s going around.” Rex said and Satine furrowed her brow at the way Anakin slackened ever so slightly at this “admission” of truth.

“That’s the job of prefects and professors.” Obi-Wan reminded them, “Not first years.”

“Yeah, well, did either of you find this?” Anakin boasted as he held a surprisingly wet piece of parchment out in front of him, “Because a couple of dumb first years did.”

“I never said you were dumb.” Obi-Wan returned as he took the dripping paper away to take a better look at it. Over his shoulder, Satine caught a glance too and couldn’t help the small gasp that she took in.

“Where did you find this?” Satine asked in a treacherously concerned voice. 

“And why is it wet?” Obi-Wan winced and wiped his hand on the side of his robe. 

“Outside.” Anakin said, “Right near the entrance.”

“We were running, because we thought we saw the kid.” Rex added and for this bit, Satine could see that Rex was relaying what he believed to be the truth.

The heaps of snow that covered the rolling terrain did explain quite obviously why the parchment was soaked in some parts, but not why it existed at all. The OWLS weren’t for another couple of months and yet, the answers (albeit, smudged) were right in Obi-Wan’s hands. Neither prefect took to looking at them too closely in fear of glimpsing any of the answers in-context, but enough to know this was certainly the key for a Transfiguration exam.

“Thank you for bringing this to our attention.” Obi-Wan nodded at the two of them. He was very practiced at maintaining a cool composition, even if Satine could see the cracks in his display from a kilometer away. It seemed to placate Anakin and Rex, who were also trying not to seem jostled.

“Does this mean we don’t have detention?”

If Satine had it her way, she’d want to add further questions before making such a promise, but Obi-Wan seemed to have other ideas.

“For now.” He said sternly, “But see to it that your spree of vigilantism stops right here. The main priority for you two is to go to school and learn, not engage in criminal investigations.”

“Leave that to us.” Satine added with hands on her hips, “And remember that we might not be as kind next time you choose to skip class.” 

Both first years nodded their heads hastily and at Obi-Wan’s firm dismissal, jogged off to dinner, trying to beat the other through the doors. Instead of following them inside, Obi-Wan shared a concerned look with Satine.

“What do you make of this?”

“It was one thing when it was regular exams and essays,” Satine admitted, “But this is supposed to be a standardized examination. Whoever is doing this has contacts that run deep.”

“I know.” He said, “It’s good that you have seen reason.”

Feeling as though something halted and reverberated within her, Satine stepped back, completely incredulous. “Pardon?”

He frowned in confusion, “You see that this cannot be Anakin now.”

“I see no such thing!” She offset, “We’ve drawn no absolute conclusions yet!”

“He literally handed us the test paper, Satine.” He said. 

“Need I remind you that he clearly did not want to?” She argued, “Rex was the one to goad him into it.”

“He doesn’t have the sort of contacts to get access to this level of cheating!” He said, “And I’ve been with him almost constantly.”

“Almost constantly except today.” She reminded him.

“And you believe Rex complicit.” 

“I didn’t say that!” She said, “I don’t know what I believe and neither do you.”

“I believe Anakin wasn’t being wholly honest with us, but he’s not a cheater. If anything, he was likely trying to seek out more information on who freed the Zillo Beast.” Obi-Wan stood up straight, as if his more impressive height would give him an advantage in this spinning wheel of an argument. 

“And I hope that’s the case!” She insisted, “But even still, that is something he should most certainly not handle alone.”

“Anakin doesn’t trust the manner of investigation here,” He said firmly, “And frankly, I can see why.”

“That sounds a bit fishy to me, actually.” She said, “You and I have given him no reason for mistrust.”

“Well, I haven’t.” He said bitterly.

“Don’t you dare try to lump me in with Windu’s oversight regarding Krell.” She poked him hard in the chest, “I don’t believe with certainty that it’s Anakin, I admit, and I do have many more questions in relation to this whole mystery now, but I will not rule any potential suspects out.”

“God forbid we rule anyone out in an investigation!” He said, waving around the parchment, “Good thing you’re not an Auror, because everyone would constantly be a possible suspect of crime.”

“Yeah, well good thing you aren’t one either!” She snapped and it felt cold as it came out, but her mouth seemed to move before her brain could think, “Because not only does it require the courage to pursue Defense Against the Dark Arts, but critical thinking!”

His eyes widened a tad and his mouth fell open a tad, “I- Well, then. Why are you even investigating alongside me in the first place?”

“Ben...” She tried, regretting what she said if only a little bit.

“I’ll see you later.” He said shortly, “We’ve got a counter-charm to develop, no? I am smart enough to help with that, right?”

“I never said-”

“-No, but you did.” He laughed a little, even if it wasn’t funny to him, “And it’s okay. Really, it’s inconsequential since we both know that’s not where my path is going anyway.”

She opened her mouth as if to speak, but couldn’t figure out what to say. She didn’t believe Anakin was entirely innocent in all of this, but she wasn’t hellbent on his guilt as Obi-Wan seemed to believe she was. And regardless of how it came out, the most infuriating part of Obi-Wan not actively pursuing what he dreamed to do, was that he was perfect for the job.

***

Hondo Ohnaka specialized in many things. 

Bribery, scheming, smuggling. All things pirating, really, but most of all, he prided himself on his charms- both in the magical and personal sense. He’d never have such an aptitude to sell his scams if he wasn’t so damn convincing. Plus, there was his fearlessness. He did not fear trouble and almost welcomed it… To an extent. 

He took a very large hit when exempting himself from the cheating scandal. It was a shame, really, because it was just the kind of sleaziness that Hondo could have made a killing off of! It was not as though he hadn’t thought of it in the past, of course, but he didn’t have the means that this mystery cheater had. 

Even though he had been insulted that Kryze and Kenobi initially suspected him, he became truly offended when they believed he wouldn’t have been able to pull it off. Naturally, he could. He totally could. And yes, he had inadvertently promised to keep an eye on things for Kenobi, because even though Hondo was a pirate at heart, he did have a soft spot for the prefect. It was dangerous, he knew, but Kenobi was one of the few people to be nice to Hondo in those early days.

It counted for a little bit, that was all. Should this cheater offer Hondo a great sum of the profit, that would be a different story and he’d hope Kenobi would understand.

In a way, his promise to play lookout benefited him in the long run, making it possible for him to sell his Valentine’s Day gags more in the open. He could keep watch for anyone exiting from any secret corridors or at the late night, seeming like his typical troublemaking self, while getting a first glance at the person AND making a profit or alliance.

He knew with Kryze involved that he would be on a short leash, but he would make do.

He was just in the middle of making a decent sell- heart shaped chocolates that were supposed to make you look like your crush’s exact type- when Anakin Skywalker seemed to appear from nowhere, running right into him.

“Hey, kiddo, watch where you’re going!” He scolded, only irritated because the chocolates hit the floor. His buyer, a sad sack named Max Rebo, raised and lowered his large blue ears in exasperation, before scurrying away.

“Sorry, Hondo.” The boy dusted himself off and bent over to help him pick up the candies. “What are these?”

“I wouldn’t if I were you.” Hondo warned him when the boy raised the chocolate to his lips, “It could give you horrible diarrhea.”

Skywalker would surely tell his mentor what happened if Hondo got the kid sick and the last thing he needed was to miss out on the Valentine’s day sales. 

Skywalker winced and tossed it back into the heart shape box, “Can’t risk that twice this term.”

Hondo didn’t really want to know the bowel habits of the first year, but was curious what he was doing wandering the halls so close to curfew. He narrowed his eyes at him.

“You’re not trying to move in on my turf are you?” He asked.

“What? No!” Anakin insisted, “I’m just running late is all.”

As an experienced liar, Hondo knew that while that was true, it didn’t answer his question in full. Besides, the boy looked a bit too nervous for someone that was being questioned by one of the least authoritative figures in school. It was mighty suspicious.

“You better not be!” Hondo assured, “Because I don’t take well to splitting profits evenly… Well, unless I’m mooching off someone else.”

“Are people really buying this stuff?” He asked.

“What? You don’t like?” Hondo asked, distracted from his suspicions to be annoyed at the implications from the kid. “You’d be surprised what people do for love.”

Skywalker shifted in his stance, “I don’t know if love is worth the stomachache.” 

Hondo placed a hand on his shoulder and tried to look wise, “Love is a stomachache, Skywalker.”

***

Despite how frazzled he still was from their encounter with the mysterious cheater in the tunnels (as well as with Hondo), Anakin was never too nervous not to be swept in the calming yet alluring aura that was Padmé Amidala. It was hard not to, when it seemed even without the aid of the map, that destiny tended to cross their paths in the halls.

As per usual, she was trailed by some other Gryffindor girls whom she was quite close with- this time, Saché and Rabé. However, Anakin could hardly notice them when her laugh seemed to fill the whole hallway… Until Rabé (he thinks- her friends all looked very similar to him) said something of interest.

“I take it you won’t be receiving any valentines this year from Sebulba.” She said.

“No, I don’t think so.” Padmé chuckled, “And I think he’s afraid I’ll send him one carved of toenails and earwax or something dreadful.”

“I’d say it’s a shame he finally went “fully mad”, but I can’t say I find it in me to feel bad for the bloke.” Saché added.

“I still do.” Padmé offered with a shrug, “Not enough to do anything crazy like date him, but people don’t just become like that, you know?”

“Still,” Rabé sighed wistfully, “It’d be nice if some of the boys around here had a proper romantic bone in their body.”

Padmé smiled knowingly and nudged Saché, whose cheeks matched her tie, “Not just boys. Have you thought about making something for Yané?”

“Oh bugger off,” She scowled, “I’ve got no time for romance as of late, thank you very much.”

“That’s a no.” Rabé teased, “You know she’s going to knit you something beautiful.”

“She’s going to make something beautiful for all of us, thank you.” Saché said, “Because she’s talented like that.”

“So are you, in your own ways.” Padmé said encouragingly. “You’ve just gotta put yourself out there. Who cares if you’re a year younger?”

Anakin swore his heart was floating somewhere midair- as if a passerby cast a Wingardium Leviosa spell on it without warning. How was someone so unassumingly beautiful? It felt somehow, like he was meant to overhear the advice, but knew if he lingered much longer he’d be noticed from his position around the corridor. Instead, he walked with haste to the library. 

What was he going to do?

***

“Okay, mentor, I’ve got a problem and you need to help me fix it. ASAP.” Anakin burst into the library and dropped his stack of books on the table in front of Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan cringed at the glares they received from surrounding tables and raised a finger to his lips.

“Have you no mind for those that use the library as more than a place to nap?” Satine hissed, acting much less subtle in her approach.

“Sorry.” Anakin said, but was too caught up in whatever was going on to be genuine in his apology. “I just have a major problem.”

‘Major problems’ could be anything on the scale of miniscule to horrific when it came to Anakin, so it was difficult to decipher which this would be. Regardless, Obi-Wan made his peace with the fact that whatever studying he’d been planning would have to wait until later. 

In truth, he’d already been derailed by the undercurrent of tension presently wrapped around him and Satine. She was still cross with him and he felt likewise, but they’d both been too stubborn to give up their usual seat at the library.  

“What’s going on?” Obi-Wan asked.

True to his dramatic entrance, he flopped backwards across a row of wooden chairs with a heavy sigh. “Valentine’s Day is coming up.”

It was obvious that Satine was doing everything in her power not to roll her eyes, which while Obi-Wan felt a similar sense of exasperation, did not want to give her the satisfaction of agreement.

“That’s all?” He asked, voice carefully neutral.

“That’s all?” Anakin shot up in horror. “It’s quite possibly the worst thing that could ever happen to me.”

“You are aware it happens every year, aren’t you?” Satine asked.

He shook his head adamantly, shaking his shaggy hair, “This year is different. This year, I’m in love. I’m in love with the prettiest girl in school and it’s completely awful.”

“You do remember Halloween, right?” Obi-Wan asked, “When you were almost killed by the rogue Zillo Beast? Or at the holiday party? That, to me, is much more qualified to be the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.”

“Physical injuries have nothing on injuries of the heart.” He clutched his chest for emphasis and Satine couldn’t withhold the chuckle that seemed to bubble up inside her, though try as she might for Anakin’s sake.

“I’m sorry,” She smirked at his grimace. “I don’t know what’s funnier: the theatrics or the fact that of all the people in the world, you chose to come to him for romantic advice.”

Obi-Wan frowned, “And what’s wrong with asking me?”

“Yeah, what is wrong with asking him?” Anakin rounded on Satine, who remained cool under the pressure of both boys’ expectant stares.

“He knows positively zilch about love.” She said as if it were obvious, which prickled Obi-Wan in all the wrong ways.

“That’s not true!” He argued, even if someone else had asked him a mere ten minutes ago, he likely would have told them the truth. He just didn’t like Satine telling not only him, but his protégé what he did and didn’t know, particularly about this sensitive subject. “I know more than you do!”

Sometimes, he learned, it was best to call someone’s bluff. He just couldn’t tell if he was calling Satine’s or his own.

“Yeah, Obi-Wan’s the smartest guy I know!” Anakin slung an arm around him in support.

She crossed her arms, “Do share then, oh wise one.”

He opened his mouth and then closed it before opening it again. He racked his brain to say anything to wipe that smug look off Satine’s face. She seemed so certain that he was clueless and the fact that he was transparent in his lack of knowledge on the subject bristled him more.

The audacity of it all! Who was she to assume what he did and didn’t know? Then again, it shouldn’t surprise him, seeing as she refused to believe him of Anakin’s innocence in the cheat-sheet scandal. 

“I don’t need to prove myself to you.” He sniffed, “Anakin came to me, because he trusts and respects my opinion and believes I can fix this situation for him.”

“You can?” Anakin asked excitedly.

“He can’t.” Satine answered, “You don’t ‘fix’ a crush, particularly not someone else’s. If you knew anything about love, you’d have come to that conclusion on your own.”

“And what do you know about love? I don’t see you walking around with a boyfriend either.” He pointed out.

“By choice!” She snapped, finally, much to his satisfaction, seeming as heated as he was, “And anyway, at least I’ve been kissed before.”

Obi-Wan’s jaw dropped, despite how little he wanted to display his shock at this revelation. He wasn’t sure what he felt in response to that, but he didn’t like the sickly feeling that crawled around his stomach. He mentally shoved it away as far as it could go so as not to further influence this argument.

“When?” He asked, voice cracking only a little, “Who?”

“Bryce Saxon when I was 10.” She said.

“Nice!” Anakin said at the same time Obi-Wan said, “That doesn’t count! We didn’t even know each other.”

“Why does that matter?” She asked, “Did my life not truly begin until I met you?”

“I-I” He stammered, “I just meant it’s circumstantial proof if we don’t know the person.”

“You don’t have to. Why would I lie?”

“To make me jealous?” He spat and when her eyes widened at that, he quickly added, “-That you have kissed someone while I haven’t.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I’ve got better things to do than lie about my accomplishments.” She said. “And you should know all about circumstantial evidence.”

Ah, so there it was. She was still lashing out about his disbelief in her claim. That only enraged him more. 

“As if kissing some twerpy bloke is an accomplishment.” He sneered, hating every bit of himself that was getting so riled up by this hushed debate. He and Satine argued all of the time, but never like this. The subject matter was sensitive and typically something they stayed away from. Or at least, he thought they did.

“Why do you naturally assume he’s twerpy?” She asked. “It’s not like you’ve got much room to judge.”

Was she calling him twerpy? Did that bother him?

“Regardless of what he was like, his existence is irrelevant, because an elementary-aged kiss is hardly the muse of romantics, which means it’s useless to Anakin.”

“That’s a good point.” Anakin said.

“Yes, well, Anakin is 11. I was 10. If anything, I’m more advanced than Anakin and would better assimilate my experiences to his.” She countered. 

“Also a good point.” He said thoughtfully.

Obi-Wan clenched his jaw. Would she stop bringing up that stupid kiss? “It’s best for advice to come from a mature and collected perspective. Sometimes, being caught in the hysterics of the situation is not the best position to be giving out any information.”

“That’s-” Anakin began.

“-I thought it was just a twerpy kiss?” She rose to her feet with her hands planted firm on the table.

“I’m not the one citing a peck on the lips as gospel reasoning to be fully informed on the throes of romance.” He met her with equal passion, their faces only centimeters apart. “I would also like to point out that I know much better what my protégé is capable of.”

“Do you?” She retorted.  

“Is this a bad time?” Anakin asked awkwardly, “Because I’m starting to feel like this isn’t really about me anymore?”

It was totally about Anakin, while simultaneously not. Obi-Wan certainly didn’t have it in him to explain.

“No, it’s a perfectly good time. Come along, Anakin. Let’s get you a Valentine.”

Obi-Wan stood up straight, keeping his glare fixed on Satine, who was just as formidable in holding a staring contest as he was. Oh, he’d show her. He’d ensure that this issue was resolved so that they could resume their normal studies. Then, she wouldn’t assume he was some… Love-less dolt ever again. And he wouldn’t have to hear about her stupid kiss with Bryce Saxon.

“Come to me if you’d like actual help, Anakin.” She called after them.

“He won’t need it.” Obi-Wan returned hotly. “He’s in the best hands.”

“So, what do I do?” Anakin asked after they were far out of ear shot and walking through the halls.

“I don’t know.” Obi-Wan sighed with dropped shoulders.

***

The two of them eventually returned to the library that evening, opting to skip dinner in favor of getting some research time while Satine wouldn’t be expected there. Anakin had really hoped to have a break from reading. His homework load was getting marginally larger as was, particularly in Charms, which while his favorite subject, had his least favorite professor.

“I can’t believe you willingly come here for all your answers. How do you find the patience?” Anakin asked.

“I’ve always liked to read.” Obi-Wan said, “It’s an escape.”

Not quite understanding what the handsome, perfect, rich student would want to escape from, Anakin continued his pacing.

“Maybe if you spent less time escaping, we’d have the answer to my Valentine’s Day dilemma.”

“I don’t spend all my time reading.” He said, “Some of us have responsibilities.”

“Yeah, you’re too busy busting the couples that are snogging when you could probably use a little of that yourself.” He said.

“I’m not a complete drag.” Obi-Wan said, “I’m trying to help you, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, to prove a point to Satine. Which, by the way, you’re not doing so hot.” He said.

“Who does she think she is? Going off about how I don’t know anything about love?” He scowled, which proved Anakin’s theory that his annoyance wasn’t with him in the slightest. He was distracted in a way Anakin had never seen him all year and it was over something so silly.

“Well, to be fair… You don’t.” He said, “Or else I doubt we’d be literally looking it up in the encyclopedia.”

“Have you got any better ideas?” He quirked a brow.

“Of course not!” Anakin said. “I’m 11! You’re the prefect and my mentor! You’re supposed to know everything.”

“Where is that written?” Obi-Wan asked as he marked a page in the book he was skimming. Anakin always wondered how he read so fast. It was like he could just glance at a page and understand its contents.

“I don’t know,” He said, “But you are older and older people are definitely supposed to know more about this kind of stuff, especially teenagers.”

“It seems I missed that lesson, then.” He answered just as stiffly. “Just sit still and feel free to study for your Charms exam if you so wish.”

“How can I study when I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest every time I think about this girl? You have no idea what it’s like to see her and not tell her she looks beautiful, but also those words never come, because you don’t want to sound like a freak. And then when she is anywhere within the vicinity it’s like a slow but pleasant torture, because seeing her just makes things… Better, I don’t know.”

“I’m sure you’ll find a way.” He said carefully. “Just like the rest of us.”

Anakin frowned, “What do you mean?”

Obi-Wan peered at him from over his book, “I’m not an alien. I have feelings! Everyone does. They’re completely natural, but you cannot allow them to dictate your every action.”

“So, what you’re saying is…” Anakin said slowly. “You like-like someone.”

He fiddled with his watch, which must have become a new nervous tick of his when under pressure. “I didn’t say that.”

“Yeah, but Qui-Gon says sometimes, it’s about what we don’t say that’s more telling about what we mean.” He pointed out, hoping he was using that phrase correctly. 

Obi-Wan pinched his brow and then slowly massaged his temples. “Okay, if it helps you, let’s just say I have had… Instances where I’ve occasionally felt… Emotionally conflicted... About someone.”

“Who?” Anakin asked.

“That’s hardly relevant to your dilemma!” He returned.

“So, what do you do?” Anakin asked.

Anakin noticed that Obi-Wan seemed strained, like he was trying to figure out the answer to that question and was coming up short every time a new thought seemed to cross his mind.

“Are you friends with this girl?” Obi-Wan finally asked, leaning on his forearms.

“She barely knows I exist.” He puffed at that.

“Then, I suggest you befriend her first.”

Anakin’s eyes bulged out, “Oh great! Never thought of that idea! Thank you so much, love guru.”

Obi-Wan sighed, “Find common ground and remember that she is also a person with feelings. In the trials of any relationship- whether it be platonic or romantic, you must always consider the other person’s position and feelings.”

“So, when do I get to kiss her?”

“Maybe never.” Obi-Wan said.

“What? I can’t believe I came to you at all! What kind of advice is that?”

“You can’t force something, Anakin.” He said. “And your intentions must be pure. Wouldn’t you rather have her in your life to some capacity than none at all?”

Though the prospect of just being friends didn’t have nearly the same amount of appeal as bestowing Padmé with the most glamorous Valentine’s Day gift of all time, it did feel a little more his current speed.

“Thanks, Obi-Wan.” He smiled.

***

“Satine, I’ve come to use your services.” Anakin said as he seemed to pop out of nowhere.

“How did you- Where did you-?” She stammered, looking around her, but then back at the expectant boy. “What are you talking about?”

“Love advice, of course.” He said, “But you can’t tell Obi-Wan I came to you. I think it’ll hurt his feelings.”

Satine couldn’t help but feel smug as she led them into an empty classroom, careful to shut the door behind her. Sure, she wouldn’t tell Obi-Wan that his advice had clearly not measured up as he’d been so positive it would. It wasn’t about being right, it was about how bemusing it was for either him or Anakin to assume he knew anything about romance. While she was certainly not trying to give off the impression that she knew everything, she was at least more aware of her own personal feelings.

Other people’s, of course, were questionable.

Sitting behind what would be the professor’s desk, she folded her hands. “How may I be of assistance?”

“Just to let you know, I’m not coming to you because I’m totally convinced that you’ll be able to help me either.” He said, “But… You are a girl and so is Padmé so, why not?”

She frowned. Who taught this boy how to ask for help before? He was nothing like Viz, who was polite and quiet, but also incredibly studious and perceptive. She was impressed at his quiet wit for such a young boy, but never had to worry he would say something to make someone else cross.

Anakin, on the other hand, was a troublemaker, and was insistent on making the entire school, but apparently Obi-Wan, know it. 

“And you are making me want to help you less and less.” She scowled.

“Not if you want to best Obi-Wan.” He wagged his finger, “Which judging by that heated argument yesterday, I’d say you do.”

She didn’t appreciate the word ‘heated’ being tossed here and there as though this were some passionate feud that was controlling every facet of their very being. Regardless of their present disagreement, which still boiled her blood when she thought about it, they were perfectly capable of continuing about their daily business. Their prefect duties never suffered, they still worked well together in class, and even studied together. Admittedly, the ladder was much more indicative of neither willing to give up their spot. 

However, she’d be lying to say that she wouldn’t benefit from proving a point, even if just to herself.

“Start by telling me what you like about Padmé.”

“She’s got this beautiful way about her.” He said, “Like she radiates sunshine. It’s almost like she’s an angel.”

She smiled encouragingly, “Yes, and?”

“She runs her fingers through her hair a lot, but it never messes it up. It’s like she doesn’t even try to be perfect, but she is.”

“Okay, what else?” She asked.

“Her smile just lights up the whole room. Of course, I usually only see it from afar.”

She narrowed her eyes, “Anything that isn’t based solely on her appearance?”

“Please don’t make this one of those rants.” He said, “Friendly reminder that Viz is your mentee, not me.”

“Sure, but Viz doesn’t corner me in the hallway looking for advice on how to talk to a girl.”

“I can talk to girls!” He said defensively. “Just not the love of my life.”

She wanted to admonish him for being dramatic, but Anakin had this insistently hopeful demeanor that she just couldn’t bring herself to break. Many young kids believe their first crush is to be their first love and later their only love. She couldn’t begrudge them for holding onto that hope. Her parents always said that the Kryze’s mate for life- referencing that they were each other’s first and only loves. That being said, she would never wish for her dear mother to remain alone simply because of those values. Sometimes, happiness meant getting beyond your first.

“It just seems to me, Anakin, that you’re less in love and more infatuated.”

“Huh?” He asked.

“It means you are more invested in the idea of Padmé than who she really is, because you haven’t actually gotten to know her yet.”

“Funny, none of these books that Obi-Wan and I found said anything about that.” He said as he placed them down in front of her.

She picked one of them up. “Enchanting Maneuvers for the Romantically Troubled”  

“Seriously?” She chuckled, “This was his big reference guide?”

“But he also told me to be friends with her.” He sighed, “Sounds like I’m going to be feeling this sharp pain for a while.”

Satine touched his hand. “This is just a part of growing up.”

“Is this how you felt with Bruce Sexpot?”

“Bryce Saxon.” She snorted, “At the time, a bit. He was my first kiss, but nothing more than that. If I’m honest with you, it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be on the playground.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he had potato salad on his face.” She cringed.

“I don’t think that’ll be the case for Padmé.” He said, “She’s always pretty.”

“It’s not just about being pretty.” She said, “It’s about learning the things about her that aren’t so pretty and still accepting and appreciating them about her. It’s about getting to know her and finding out your commonalities and your differences and striking a balance. It’s about being a true friend to her, even without the promise of romantic entanglements.”

“Obi-Wan kinda said that too.” He groaned. “And you’re sure I’ll be okay?”

“Yes, Anakin.” She smiled, “I guess I can’t begrudge Ben too much. Though, did he tell you how to make proper valentines for someone?”

“No!” He brightened. “I can still do that?”

“Of course, you can.” She scoffed, “Valentines don’t have to be romantic, especially at your age. It’s all in the presentation.”

“Will you help me?” He asked shyly.

“Of course.” She smiled warmly, understanding a bit what Obi-Wan saw in the boy sometimes. His boyishness could be rather sweet. It didn’t change how rambunctious he was nor that he suspected he’s been up to something lately, but he wasn’t entirely just trouble. “And I must say, Padmé is a very lucky girl to be receiving all this fuss.”

“I should probably add that she’s a whole year older.” He said, “Making her unattainable, which Obi-Wan pointed out likely has its level of appeal for someone like me.”

“Someone like you?” She questioned.

“He used the word ‘brash’, but I don’t know.” He shrugged, “I just want this feeling to either go away completely right now or to do something about it. I can’t just sit on this like Obi-Wan does.”

Satine’s eyes flew from the covers of the ridiculous books to Anakin, heart skittering in her chest.

“Ben likes someone?” She blurted.

“Yeah, it shocked me too.” He said.

To say she was conflicted was a massive understatement. On one hand, the possibility of Obi-Wan having a crush was… Intriguing from the perspective of his friend, who wanted nothing but the best for him (even when he pissed her off). However, speaking as someone who sometimes found herself stealing a peek at him over her library book just to admire the way the light caught his hair, it was reasonably quite disarming.

Then, of course, there was the part of her that was furious he never gave any indication of showing interest in another girl.

“If it even is another-”

“-Oh shut it.” She mentally battled. She needed to remind herself that she was still annoyed with the person in question. 

“Did…” She kneaded her hands, trying desperately hard to keep her voice level and of casual curiosity. “Did he happen to say who?”

“Of course not.” He rolled his eyes. “You know him. It’s huge that he just revealed he has feelings at all. That’s about as far as he’ll go for a while.”

“Right.” She tightened her jaw.

If Anakin noticed any piqued interest, he didn’t say anything, and she believed she knew enough about Anakin to determine that he pretty much said everything he could think of. Case and point: the fact that Obi-Wan likely did not want this information to get to anyone.

“Anyway,” He continued, “What am I doing for Padmé?”

She’d been lost in thought for a moment, analyzing every detail of their argument from the previous day. It wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for her to be contemplating her interactions with Obi-Wan from all possible sides. It’s what she’d been reduced to since the end of their fourth year when she’d had the horrifying realization that she may think of him as more than just a friend. But Anakin shook a hand in front of her face to get her attention. “Satine?”

“Oh!” She flushed, “Sorry, I got a bit distracted about… Charms homework. We’re going to do roses, Anakin.”

***

Cody appreciated that when Satine and Kenobi got into it that they tried their best to leave him out of it. It didn’t usually work since both prefects were very snippy and snarky at all times, let alone when they were in a quarrel. It certainly kept things interesting, especially with how quick their topic of debate could change.

“Okay, remind me again what you’re huffy about today?” He asked Satine as they walked from her Defense Against the Dark Arts class together. 

“Ben is the most infuriating person on this forsaken earth.” She spat, gripping her textbook a little tighter to her chest.

“You realize that doesn’t narrow it down in the slightest, right?” He smirked, but Satine clearly didn’t find it funny, because she shot him a glare before yanking him by the arm to the side, secluding them from onlookers with a nearby coat of arms 

“You know he likes someone?” She hissed. 

He frowned, “He’s a kind lad, I assumed he liked a lot of people.”

“No,” She groaned, “Like-like’s. Anakin told me.”

Cody considered this, “Kenobi’s got a crush, huh?”

“Yes!” She waved her hands in exasperation, “One that he didn’t elect to mention to either of us, mind you.”

“Well-”

“-We’re supposed to be his best friends!” She argued, cheeks turning red, “And while I understand that he tends to lock up his feelings in a little box and store it somewhere hidden, crushes are the sorts of things you share with friends, right?”

“Sometimes-” He started again.

“-Unless it’s someone we would disapprove.” She said thoughtfully, but the anger thrumming through her veins didn’t seem to simmer, “Which is positively ridiculous, because we’d be supportive, right?”

“Of course-”

“-I mean, it’s not someone of the likes of Ventress or anything.” She said definitively and continued walking, to which Cody followed, “That would be the only scenario in which I could see truly being keen on hiding it.”

He gagged, “If Kenobi’s type is pure evil, sure, maybe… But maybe he hasn’t told us because-”

“-He doesn’t even spend any time with other girls.” She said defensively, “Or boys! I suppose I shouldn’t presume, but he’s never mentioned, looked at, or spent an ounce of time with anyone else! Just us, most of the time. It’s extremely misleading as to who he could possibly have romantic feelings for.”

Cody cleared his throat, “Er-”

Luckily, Satine seemed more motivated to have this conversation with herself rather than it be an open discussion, so he didn’t have to think his way out of that one.

“-And what does that say about us?” She stopped in her tracks, face scrunched in thought, “That we can’t notice that our friend has gone smitten over someone else? Like… That’s ridiculous. I- We surely would have seen some signs.”

Cody shrugged, “Should he fancy someone, that’s his business, right?”

“Right, sure, yeah, but who?” She clenched a fist, “And… Why?” There was an obvious vulnerability at the end of that statement.

“Are you sure this is what’s bothering you so much?” He finally asked as they approached their next classes. 

“Of course!” She turned on him, daring him with piercing eyes to insinuate otherwise, “What if they’re not good enough for him?”

“I’m sure she is.” Cody said carefully and patted her on the shoulder, “I know it’s in your natural coding to worry about him, but I’m sure it’s no big deal. Your source is Anakin after all, right?”

“That’s… Fair.” She paused, but still seemed unsure. She sighed, “This would be a whole lot easier if he didn’t communicate his feelings as well as a piece of toast.”

Cody chuckled. Yes, things might be very different if that were not the case.

***

Obi-Wan pushed in the door to Qui-Gon’s office. He was early and he knew Qui-Gon was still at dinner, so he didn’t bother knocking since he knew Qui-Gon wouldn’t mind. He settled himself in the large armchair by the fire and grabbed a book off the top of his previously abandoned stack. He didn’t open it yet, instead he stared up at the portraits haphazardly reaching towards the ceiling.

They were arguing about his and Qui-Gon’s investigation, which wasn’t unusual. Qui-Gon’s office wasn’t the most riveting place for a painting to hang in hogwarts, but considering the professor’s love of a good debate they were allowed to yell over one another and argue about the latest gossip, whether that be the latest scheme or the actual criminal investigation was always up in the air.

“I say, I say!” Yelled a portrait from across the room, “It couldn’t have been Windu, he hadn’t been near the table all night!”

“May I remind you we’re wizards?” Another called, “You wouldn’t have to be near something for anything to happen!”

“I bet Windu let out the beast too!” Another commented, “Halloween night. He was an Auror, he’d know a dark spell or two.”

“But I saw him on Halloween,” Obi-Wan thought out loud, “I was in his office,” The portraits quieted before another shouted.

“I saw Mace run out of his office during the attack! There’s no way he could have been all the way to the library and back without notice!” And the voices erupted all at once.

Obi-Wan tried to think around the noise, although it was true that the two different attacks didn’t lend themselves to having the same suspect, he hadn’t considered it a possibility that both could be related. In fact it was a rather curious possibility. Surely the mysterious figure described by Anakin would have been furious for the escape of such a beast. Would they have been mad enough to attempt to poison a student.

The door squeaked open and Obi-Wan practically jumped up, letting the book he’d forgotten he was holding roll off onto the floor.

“Qui-Gon,” Obi-Wan greeted and the man looked surprised, but he wasted no time, “Do you think both attacks could share a suspect?” Qui-Gon’s brow quirked as he considered the statement.

“I suppose-“ Qui-Gon started.

“If you had been keeping a dangerous pet below the school and an eleven year old let it free, would you want revenge?” He pushed and Qui-Gon walked to his desk.

“Well I personally would not try and kill a child no,” He tried making light, but his face fell back into consideration, “I suppose it’s a possibility,” He decided.

“Professor Windu couldn’t have done it then,” Obi-Wan started to pace, steps sliding into familiar places on the stone floor.

“I’ve already determined that it wasn’t Mace,” Qui-Gon cut in and Obi-Wan screeched to a halt.

“What? When?” He pressed, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“He has several alibis and he even showcased to me the last 100 spells his wand had cast,” Qui-Gon explained, “It was good enough for me to believe his innocence and the book was only borrowed after we returned to school.”

“So who was absent on Halloween night, but at the party?” Obi-Wan asked, mostly to himself.

“That’s a good place to start, but don’t let such a narrow search cloud your mind.”

***

Cody was up before the rest of the guys in his year. Quidditch days always had that effect on him, it didn’t matter that this match was between Ravenclaw and Slytherin, it only mattered that he’d get a chance to watch his favorite game in the world be played. He wasted little time getting dressed. It was still cold outside with a little snow left on the ground, though he was sure it would soon fade away into spring. Professional Quidditch was usually played in the spring and summer months, but Cody always figured it was best that they got to learn to play in all sorts of conditions throughout the school year; that way he’d be ready for anything.

In the common room he found Anakin asleep on the couch, a transfiguration textbook on the floor just below a limp hand as it had clearly slipped when he’d fallen asleep. Cody debated with himself for a moment before reaching over and gently shaking the other boy awake. Anakin startled and looked around with wide eyes before they landed on Cody.

“What?” He mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and Cody grinned at him in response.

“You’d better clear up here before the prefects wake up. I doubt they’d be too happy to find a first year sleeping in the common room past curfew,” Anakin just blinked before moving his transfiguration book from the floor to the table.

“Yeah I guess you’re probably right,” Anakin yawned and Cody leaned on the back of the couch for a minute watching him shuffle parchment into a stack.

“Whatcha doing sleeping down here anyways? Is it Rex’s snoring?” Cody asked in jest and Anakin laughed, but shook his head.

“Rex doesn’t snore! He says you do though,” Anakin’s grin seemed to falter for a minute before he admitted, “I just haven’t been sleeping well lately,” Cody frowned, but tossed the expression from his face when Anakin turned to look at him.

“That’s alright,” Cody shrugged, “Things can get a little crazy at Hogwarts, but look on the brightside, it’s a Quidditch Saturday!” Anakin did perk up in interest at that.

“Obi-Wan’s playing right?” Anakin asked and Cody nodded.

“Ravenclaw vs Slytherin!” Cody announced enthusiastically, “It may not be as exciting as playing a match, but we’ll need to see who wins so we know where we stand,” He explained, Anakin looked a little more awake now at the prospect of getting to see another game.

He helped him shovel some parchment into his bag, “Why don’t you wake up sleeping beauty so you guys can go grab some breakfast before the game?” Anakin nodded and scampered up the steps towards the boys dormitories.

Cody smiled and shook his head before heading to the Great Hall to avoid Rex’s wrath, on the off chance that Anakin let slip whose idea it was. 

The halls were still relatively quiet- Ravenclaw house should be mostly awake by now, but they weren’t known for being as loud and rowdy on game day as Gryffindor. Slytherin would be up too, but it was even less likely to catch a Slytherin this high up in the castle on a weekend. The portraits were still just waking up. Some of the more energetic figures were chatting loud enough to annoy their neighbors. Cody wasn’t sure what the purpose in that was; if he was a portrait he wasn’t sure he’d want his neighbors to hate his guts. He must be missing something for he passed by a portrait of a princess glaring daggers at a knight who had taken to singing limericks.

The great hall was rather full and the Slytherin’s had taken to their assigned table, glaring at any who dared to sit with them as if that alone would expose their Quidditch secrets. Ravenclaw was a bit more spread out, sitting with their friends at the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor tables if they so desired. Obi-Wan and Satine were sitting at their usual spot at the very end of the Ravenclaw table and Cody didn’t bother considering anywhere else before sitting down across from them.

“Excited, Kenobi?” He asked as he started loading up his plate with pancakes. Obi-Wan, who had been staring off into space while sliding bacon around his plate, fixed him with his usual pre-Quidditch frown. Cody chuckled before pointing at him with a syrupy fork, “Come on, mate! It’s a great day for a game.”

“Yes quite. What I wouldn’t give to play in freezing temperatures year round,” He rolled his eyes, before cutting his bacon with a knife. Satine had been oddly quiet, not saying a word so far. She was facing as much away as she could from Obi-Wan without actually turning. It was surefire proof of them being in a fight. He supposed though they had been ready to pounce on one another for a few weeks now.

“Anakin slept in the common room last night,” It was the only non-Quidditch topic he could think up at the moment and it seemed to catch both his friends' attention.

“Is he ok?” Obi-Wan asked first, which was unsurprising. Concern was pinching his face and he turned towards the Gryffindor table to see if his mentee was around.

“He’s fine, I woke him up before he could get into any trouble,” Cody shrugged, “He said he’s been having trouble sleeping, did he tell you anything?” Obi-Wan shook his head with a frown.

“He mentioned having a bad dream once… But not that it was a consistent issue.” He said slowly, Satine’s eyes gleamed as she looked over to him.

“So you admit to not knowing everything about your little protégé?” She asked and he turned to glare at her in turn.

“I’d never said I knew everything,” He answered back with a heated glare.

“So you’re not all knowing then?” She dropped her fork and let it clatter onto her plate.

“Once again, I never said that,” He responded, stabbing a piece of bacon with his fork and shoving it in his mouth.

“I thought it was implied the way you’re desperate not to look at this from all sides,” She spat and he bristled.

“Did I miss something?” Cody asked, exasperated.

“It’s prefect business,” Satine answered with an apology in her eyes. He just shrugged and went back to eating his pancakes. He wasn’t sure he even needed to know with how often the topic changed. They went back and forth so much that it was like watching a Quidditch passing drill; his eyes flicking from one to the other waiting for someone to slip.

“Satine, I really don’t have time to go through all this right now,” Obi-Wan cut in eyeing the members of Ravenclaw’s Quidditch team gathering to leave.

“That’s fine,” She answered stiffly, “I’ll see you tonight so we can work on our Charms project,” Obi-Wan looked hurt, but he hid it well.

“I’ll be sure to let you know whether or not we win,” He stood from the table, tossing his napkin on his plate and was swept away by his teammates.

“You’re not going to the game?” Cody frowned. He hadn’t expected getting ditched, even though he supposed he could sit with his brothers. Satine deflated instantly, looking back towards where the Slytherin’s were heading out of the great hall.

“He’s absolutely infuriating sometimes, Cody,” She sighed, picking her fork back up

***

Obi-Wan pulled his broom out from the locker and although it was plenty shiny he grabbed his polishing cloth as well. Galen was going on about their strategy, but Obi-Wan’s mind was still back on Satine. He wished she’d see things from his perspective. Anakin had a notoriously bad habit of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but that didn’t automatically make him guilty as Satine had thus far been implying. He was 11, a bit of a troublemaker on occasion, but he didn’t have it in him to do something so scandalous as running a cheating ring. It wasn’t bias, he told himself as he worked to get a hardly noticeable smudge off the broom handle. He knew Anakin had a pension for trouble, but Obi-Wan hadn’t seen or heard of him doing anything insidious, besides occasionally popping up out of nowhere and startling people.

In fact he was quite proud of Anakin- he stood by Rex when he was struggling, and he was getting better and better in his classes through practice and dedication. Though he did tend to get a little moony-eyed near that girl he was fond of, Padmé, it wasn’t like he’d have it in him to play schoolboy tricks to get her attention. Anakin was simply an easy target. Frame the first year who had had some unfortunate happenstance befall him not once, but twice.

“Earth to Kenobi!” Aayla sat down heavily next to him, grabbing his broom out of his hands and inspecting the handle, “I can see my reflection in this,” Her nose wrinkled and she twirled it around nearly wapping him in the head with it, “You do know we’re playing Quidditch not entering a broom beauty pageant,” Obi-Wan just folded up his polishing cloth into a neat square.

“Not all of us like coming off the field as a pincushion full of splinters,” He offered, delicately reclaiming his broom and standing to put away the cloth. He realized then that they were alone and he looked around.

“I thought being in the running for Head Boy would have you better at listening,” Aayla laughed, “We’re heading to the field,” She stood, kicking her broom up into her hand.

He hurried to shove on his helmet and he made sure his wand was securely pocketed in his Quidditch robes before he followed Aayla out towards the field.

He wished not for the first time that he could see such a sight from Cody’s eyes. The large field, currently covered in a layer of snow, was surrounded by stands that were filled to the brim with students willing to risk the cold to watch a good game. Cody could go on and on about how giddy he was walking to his position, but Obi-Wan had always only felt a sense of dread. Even now that he was a more seasoned player, he still felt his stomach flip as he passed under the tall (very, very tall), golden hoops. He took his position and waited.

There was a hushed silence- the kind that really only came in moments before a match. Students were still chattering in their seats, but they seemed far away. Galen was making a few gestures towards his other chasers, but no one on the team dared to say a word as if it would give Slytherin the ability to one up them at every turn. And then there was the whistle, piercing through the air and both teams kicked off the ground, rocketing into the air.

Obi-Wan was happy with his position as keeper, but on cold days like this, waiting for the bloodbath in the middle of the field to head towards him was a little more excruciating. Still, as most times they played against Slytherin, eventually they made a run for the goal post. This was fairly easy to deal with. One chaser headed straight for him and he saw the chaser’s eyes dart towards the right a second before she did. Obi-Wan pushed the handle of the broom and by all accounts it should have worked. He would catch the Quaffle in his free hand and lob it back towards centerfield. Only it didn’t work as intended, his broom had jerked quite aggressively the wrong direction before stilling once more.

He was no Cody when it came to knowledge of brooms, but he’d had this broom since his first year and it had never behaved in such a way. Something was surely amiss and he just hoped it was a one time fluke.

***

“Something’s up,” It was Cody who said what they were both thinking. Satine had her binoculars pressed firmly to her face as if it would let her see Ben even clearer, “I could have seen that shot from a mile away! Even the chaser looks confused,” Satine grabbed the back of Cody’s robes blindly and pulled him back from leaning over the edge.

“Ben has that look,” Satine told him, “He’s concerned,” Cody tried to steal her binoculars, but she batted his hand away with a sudden gasp.

Ben’s broom had jerked again and he was reaching for his wand, which made Satine grip the rail tightly.

“That’s a foul!” Cody yelled a half second before Satine saw a bludger fly over and knock right into Ben’s chest, causing him to drift back a little at the impact. “Where’s the whistle? Come on ref!” 

She pulled Cody away from the edge again. Ben looked shaken, but unharmed, however Satine saw with horror something small and thin falling towards the snow below.

“His wand, Cody,” Satine tightened her grip on Cody’s robe.

“What?” Cody asked, momentarily pausing his shouting. Satine took her eyes off the field just long enough to give Cody a semi-horrified look.

“Ventress knocked his wand out of his hand,” Satine pointed to where Ben seemed to be hovering uncertainly. The audience was drawn to the referee, calling for a penalty throw to Ravenclaw, but neither Cody or Satine really cared about an extra few points.

“If he was going for his wand, something’s definitely wrong,” Cody ripped the binoculars from her hands suddenly, “He knows the rules, you can’t use magic on your opponents. Your wand is only there for extreme emergencies,” Cody was looking around the field for something.

“I’ve never seen a broom behave like that,” She was squinting at the field, without something to magnify the spec of blue and silver, it was impossible to make out his expression.

“They don’t,” Cody said gravely and Satine’s heart jumped to her throat, “It’s foul play.”

***

It was shaping up to be a boring match, Slytherin had already scored and Anakin was feeling a little secondhand embarrassment for his mentor. Obi-Wan wasn’t much for Quidditch and unlike most of the people Anakin knew, he didn’t really talk about it unprompted, and even then he’d usually just remind Anakin to be careful. He didn’t remember Obi-Wan being quite so terrible at the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff match earlier in the year.

“He should have got that one,” Anakin complained to Rex as Slytherin managed to score again. The Ravenclaw captain seemed to be glaring back at the keeper, but Obi-Wan seemed not to notice.

“Something doesn’t feel right,” Rex commented, “Cody always teases him, but really, Obi-Wan is a fairly decent Keeper,” Anakin shrugged, but watched as thankfully Ravenclaw finally managed to score something other than a penalty.

“He’s jerking around up there like his broom’s possessed or something,” Anakin considered as Obi-Wan seemed to struggle in the air again. Rex leaned forward, frowning rather intensely.

“It does look like that doesn’t it?” He asked, but didn’t seem to be wanting an answer, “It kind of reminds me of that jinx Echo put on Fives after he stole the last of the holiday candy,” Rex considered.

“Who would want to jinx Obi-Wan though? He’s a prefect!” Anakin watched as a Slytherin approached Obi-Wan again, only for Obi-Wan’s broom to drop about a foot with no prompting that Anakin could see.

Those rooting for Slytherin cheered, but Anakin felt that cold sensation of fear. Surely the mysterious cloaked figure wouldn’t be going through Obi-Wan to get to him, right? That did seem like a stretch even in Anakin’s mind. Rex sat up straight and he looked around a little frantically.

“Where’s Krell?” And Anakin was on his feet in an instant. They spotted him, sitting alone in the front row of the Gryffindor section. He’d been given a wide berth- no one knew the whole story which Rex was grateful for, but a prefect doesn’t lose his title for only a small infraction. They saw his hand twitch and Obi-Wan jerked to the right.

“Oi!” Rex shouted and Anakin looked over to him in surprise, he flinched a little when Krell looked over at him with a disgustingly smug smile on his face. Rex swallowed, but continued, “Jinxing other people’s brooms is against the rules,” Krell just rolled his eyes.

“Oh how brave,” Krell scoffed, “Kenobi’s acting like a fool and you’re coming after me? It’s not my fault he’s a lousy player.”

“You’ve got your wand out,” Anakin stepped in front of Rex, “Obi-Wan’s a better player than you ever were, you were just jealous.”

“It’s not a crime to have my wand out. I don’t see any muggles,” Krell twitched his hand sending Obi-Wan to the right so Slytherin could score again, “What are you going to do about it?” Anakin took another step forward reaching for his wand, but a furious voice cut in.

“You’re going to put your hands up right now!” Satine had her wand out, as did Cody standing to her right, the fury burning in their eyes was enough to make even Anakin take a step back. Krell, however, didn’t move, just looked over at them with a sneer.

“And why would I do that Kryze,” He said her name like it was mud on the bottom of his shoes, “I’m pretty sure you’re all about innocent until proven guilty, or does that just apply to bloodthirsty beasts and not your fellow wizards?”

“You’re going to do it or I’m thinking we have a rematch from the Halloween party,” Anakin had never heard Cody sound this angry. This was much past his frustration at a missed goal or Anakin accidentally beaming a teammate in the head during Quidditch practice. Here, he sounded downright murderous. Anakin hadn’t attended the Halloween party or witnessed the fight, but by Rex’s expression, it may have started similarly.

“How do you expect Gryffindor’s Quidditch team to manage without their fearsome captain,” He goaded and Cody took a step forward only stopped by a hand to the chest by Satine.

“There’s no need for unnecessary violence. Put your hands up,” She jabbed her wand forward in warning.

“You wouldn’t hurt a fly,” Krell crooned cruely, getting to his feet, “Not even if I did this?” He twitched his wand down and Obi-Wan dropped about a foot. It was clear by his snarling grin that it was only a warning. Satine took it as such and stepped forward pressing her wand to his chest.

“No, but I could trap one, if you were to find yourself in the position of turning into one.”

Anakin wasn’t that great with transfiguration, but if Satine was even half as good as Obi-Wan, it was a credible threat. Krell even seemed to realize that perhaps he was more at her mercy than he wanted to be so he sighed, a grumbling ugly sound.

“Fine, you win,” Krell narrowed his eyes at her. Satine took a step back, not lowering her wand.

“I’m glad you see it my way, now-” She started, but he cut her off with a knowing smile.

“I know, I know. Hands up!” And he threw his hands up, but there was the unfortunate consequence of him raising his wand in a swift, purposeful motion.

“Expelliarmus,” Cody yelled, but it was too late. Krell purposely dropped his wand off the edge of the stand and Obi-Wan had rocketed up and disappeared into the clouds.

***

Obi-Wan could see the sun, which on a normal day would be quite nice, but as it was he had just broken through the clouds and his broom was jerking and twitching like an angry hippogriff. He tried desperately to control it and then everything seemed to freeze as he was suspended in the air like any normal broom ride, save for the fact that Obi-Wan was clinging to the broom as tight as possible. For a moment he thought he was safe, but his broom seemed to sputter and he dropped a foot in the air. His broom was trying, practically wheezing to stay in the air, but whatever had been done to it must have inadvertently tampered with the magic.

Just as such a realization set in, he dropped like a rock. No amount of pulling on the handle was doing any such good except making them spin in the air enough to make him feel quite ill as the field came back into view. He stuck out a hand, trying to mimic how Qui-Gon did wandless magic.

“Aresto Memento,” He put as much passion as he could into the word, but nothing happened, not even a flicker. His vision was suddenly filled with gold as he smashed into a Quidditch hoop, there was a crunch and a sharp sensation that had him dropping hold of the broom, he made a mad grab for the polished wood in a desperate attempt, but his hand slid right off the polished surface and he plummeted to the ground.

***

Satine was frozen, wand still at the ready, but eyes glued on the unmoving navy blue smudge interrupting white snow. She wasn’t sure she even had a heart to beat anymore, or lungs to take on air.

“That had to be at least a 200 foot fall,” Cody didn’t sound like he was breathing much either despite his ability to talk, “Maybe farther, but the clouds are pretty low. It might be a record.”

“Cody please,” She choked out. He was in shock, but so was she and listening to the odds of their best friend’s survival was not going to sit well with her.

“Now that is a shame,” Krell’s voice brought her back to the task at hand. Ice filled her veins and she turned, looking him in the eye. He was leaning on the railing, chin resting on his hand and he looked far, far too pleased with himself, “But mistakes happen, don’t they Kryze? Fett?”

“The only mistake here,” Satine spit through gritted teeth, “Is that a prefect, a Quidditch captain, and half of Gryffindor are witness to your crime,” She steadied her wand at him, “You’ll be exceedingly lucky if you aren’t expelled for this,” He just waved her off with a lazy hand.

“You think I care about this shoddy excuse for a school? Everyone here is weak,” Krell turned and took a step towards her, “I have my sights set on somewhere better-” He took another step, but that was more than enough for Cody.

“Locomotor Wibbly!” Cody jabbed his wand towards Krell whose legs shook suddenly and he collapsed with a curse. Satine didn’t even bother reprimanding him for such a schoolyard jinx.

“Incarcerous,” She swished her wand and silvery ropes burst from it and wrapped themselves around Krell’s wrists. It was an extremely advanced skill, past even her year, but she couldn’t even find pride in such work. She turned wordlessly to the field where Ben was being loaded onto a stretcher by Madame Nema and Qui-Gon. His teammates were huddled together on the ground looking absolutely shocked and even the Slytherins were looking subdued. Satine raised her wand once more.

Golden sparks shot out of the tip dancing in the air until they formed a large glittering prefect’s badge, it would catch the attention of a professor, or with any luck, the headmaster himself.

***

“If you’re not careful you’re going to break something and end up with a bed of your own!”

Her voice was the first thing he remembered hearing and his eyes struggled to open. It was bright and he tried to bring his arms up to block the light, but one of them was holding something and the other felt heavy and it seemed to throb with every beat of his heart. He felt himself groan slightly as his eyes fluttered, trying to get used to the light. A hand met his shoulder immediately, but he still tried to push past it to sit up.

He was in the hospital wing, he realized. The tall arched windows and the room lined with cots really could not be a single other place at Hogwarts. He became aware of how much his body ached at the same time he was pushed back down onto the bed.

“Stay down,” Satine was leaning over him, her hair falling around her face as she looked down at him with a deep level of concern.

“Satine?” He asked and she nodded.

“Yes, Ben I’m right here, Cody’s gone to get Madame Nema,” She explained and he tried to look past her, but couldn’t see much of anything except for her blonde hair.

“You came?” He was trying to remember what events had led him here, but he did remember they were in a fight. He was surprised to see her at all.

“Cody and I saw your fall, of course we came! It looked rather dreadful,” He could tell she may be putting things a little lightly, but at least the pieces were starting to click into place.

“I thought you weren’t going to the match,” He sat up once again and this time ignored her gentle push to lie back down.

“I-” But she didn’t have time to finish because Cody was running over, expression brightening when he saw Ben awake and gazing at him, with Madame Nema right behind him.

“Glad to see you coming around, mate!” Cody ruffled his hair which he automatically tried to fix, but he instead looked, surprised, at the wrap fastened around his wrist.

“Mr. Fett, could you please not harass my patient?” Madame Nema was not one to waste time. Obi-Wan found himself poked, prodded, and questioned before even realizing what was happening.

“Well you had quite a fall there, Mr. Kenobi,” She explained, “You’ll be feeling it for a few days I’d imagine,” She handed him a potion which he didn’t bother asking about before downing it and wincing at the taste, “You’re lucky. Besides a nasty break in your wrist there, you’ve come out of this with only scrapes and bruises,” Obi-Wan frowned and looked at his hand.

“Can’t you mend bones?” He’d thought so at least.

“I did, dear,” Madame Nema tsked, “I can assure you it would hurt a lot more if I hadn’t. Just because bones can be mended, Mr. Kenobi, doesn’t mean we won’t be taking precautions,” He must have looked fairly sullen at the thought because Madame Nema chuckled, “It’s only for a few days and you’ll be right as rain. In fact you should be thankful, I dread to think of what would have become of you had you not managed to slow your fall,” He stared at the wrappings in curiosity. Surely she was talking about his unfortunate run in with the hoop. If Satine’s muggle science books were to be believed, something like that would take some of the momentum. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if the attempted spell had done him any good. A wizard stuck between a rock and a hard place may have the ability to do some amazing things.

“You did land like a champ,” Cody broke his thoughts, he was grinning, but Obi-Wan could easily see the worry hidden in his eyes, “A real Quidditch fall. Probably how you avoided getting any brain damage. In fact in the 22nd Quidditch World Cup-”

“Thank you, Cody,” He rested a hand on his friends shoulder, “As much as I’d love to hear about the greatest Quidditch injuries of all time, perhaps another time.”

“Your loss,” He shrugged.

“Madame Nema,” He caught her attention just as she’d made to leave, “Are we done here?” Satine looked like she wanted to interject, but Madame Nema beat her to it.

“Are you implying you’re well enough to leave?”

“You said it yourself, ma’am,” He shrugged, a small smile building on his face, “It’s mostly just scrapes and bruises,” They had a bit of a stare off.  Madame Nema was quite stubborn, but unfortunately nearly no one could hold a candle to his own stubbornness, except maybe his blonde haired best friend who was currently glaring a hole through him.

“I’ll allow you to go back to your dormitory, on the terms of you going right to bed,” Obi-Wan breathed a sigh of relief and nodded quickly in agreement, “And I’ll see you back here again tomorrow.”

“Yes ma’am,” He agreed and swung his legs over the side of his bed.

He made it out of the hospital wing before he stumbled and Cody was quick to catch him, swinging an arm around him like it was any other day. He tried not to use the extra support, but he found himself leaning into Cody as the ache in his limbs seemed to thrum with each step.

“I wish I knew what got into my broomstick,” Obi-Wan finally broke the silence with a sigh, “It’s never acted such a way before, I’m sure I looked like a great fool,” Cody and Satine both tensed up and they all came to a halt.

“You were a victim of foul play, Ben,” Satine told him softly and after hesitating, “Krell had your broom locked in a jinx,” He blinked and turned to Cody for confirmation. Cody’s lips were in a hard line.

“Really? Krell?” He didn’t think the other student had such a thing in him, though perhaps he was thinking of prefect Krell and not ex-prefect Krell. There wasn’t much left to hide if you were already disliked throughout the school.

“The headmaster’s dealing with him,” Satine nodded and continued stiffly, “We caught him in the act.”

“Well,” He wasn’t as mad as his friends looked, if Krell had been caught then justice had been served, “At least if it was just a jinx, I don’t have to buy a new broom,” Satine looked at Cody and Cody looked back at Satine before pulling the broken handle of Obi-Wan’s broom out of his pocket.

“About that...” And Obi-Wan groaned, Cody handed him the piece and he inspected it. Somehow it was still just as polished. Cody gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, “It’s alright mate I’ll help you pick out a new one, I’ve got this month's catalogue and there are some great new models!” He nodded absentmindedly. He would have truthfully just told Cody to pick whatever seemed best anyways. He then remembered that he had not lost track of one of his possessions, but two.

“Please don’t tell me I have to replace my wand as well,” He breathed out trying to stay calm, but it was difficult. An heirloom like that would be impossible to replace.

“No, no!” Satine reached a hand into her pocket and he had never been happier to see the sleek black wand, “I’ve got it!”

They continued walking while Obi-Wan inspected his wand for any damage, but not even a scratch had befallen it.

“So the game,” Obi-Wan over at Cody, “Who won?”

“I don’t know,” Cody told him, “We left as soon as we handed over Krell. I told Anakin and Rex to stay, but I’m nearly sure it’s over by now.”

“I hope I didn’t mess this up for Ravenclaw,” He hummed.

“You didn’t mess anything up,” Satine’s voice was like ice, but for once it wasn’t directed at him, “Whether Ravenclaw won or lost doesn’t matter.”

“Well it matters to Gryffindor,” Cody said before catching Satine’s narrowed eyes, “I mean, either way we’re planning to stomp you in the final match.”

“Well I’d much rather Ben be alive,” Satine rolled her eyes.

They reached the final hallway before the Ravenclaw door and Cody took off with a wave and a promise to let Anakin and Rex know he’d survived. He was grateful for it as hopefully Cody would be the one being pestered and not him. He and Satine approached the door to their common room, fighting to answer the Ravenclaw riddle first. Satine was the winner by a few seconds and gave him her best smug look as the door swung open. Stairs were becoming his enemy, but he made his way up them and into the chaos reigning in their normally quiet common room. Ravenclaw, it seems, had won after all.

***

“Can you believe Krell’s not getting expelled?” Satine looked up with a raised eyebrow as Anakin Skywalker dropped down dramatically across from her.

“That bastard has to have some kind of blackmail,” Cody growled, stabbing his pancakes with a little more force than was strictly necessary.

“It’s alright,” Ben was looking between them with nothing short of exasperation, “He’s still being punished.”

“He was already getting punished,” Cody complained, “But at least now there’s absolutely no way he’s weaseling his way back onto my Quidditch team. A stunt like that should get him banned from every team in the country.”

“I wouldn’t have wanted him expelled on my account anyways,” Ben shook his head, returning his attention to the french toast, dripping with syrup, on his plate.

“He nearly killed you,” Satine reminded him, “That should definitely be grounds for expulsion.”

“They say it takes a lot for you to get expelled around here,” Anakin told them as he loaded up his own plate. The clock tower rang before anyone could ask him where he’d heard such a thing and the owls were swooping in right on time. Ben checked his own watch with a frown.

“Madame Nema will be expecting me soon,” He didn’t sound too happy about it.

“I can walk you there!” Anakin perked up.

“You’ve hardly eaten breakfast Anakin,” He tried before sighing, “Well alright, finish your breakfast and we’ll go,” Anakin nodded before picking up his plate and darting off towards where Rex was sitting at the Gryffindor table.

“Satine?” Ben sounded hesitant and it was too easy to pull her attention off the Gryffindors and onto him, “Do you really think it’s Anakin?”

“Ben,” She sighed, trying to lower her voice though she knew if Cody was listening he wouldn’t say anything, “I’m sorry for yesterday, but I can’t throw out a suspect simply on the basis of trust.” Ben seemed to consider her, really consider her before he turned back to his syrup drenched toast and changed the subject.

“What do you think the odds of learning to cast spells with my left hand by tomorrow is?”

***

Anakin jumped up when the hospital doors opened and Obi-Wan slunk out, looking both ways like someone may see him.

“What did the doctors tell you?” He asked, following Obi-Wan down the hall towards the library.

“I’m fine Anakin,” He smiled, but Anakin wasn’t stupid; he saw the slight limp and the wrapped wrist and frowned.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked softer and Obi-Wan stopped to look at him, “It was a really big fall,” Obi-Wan seemed to look through him, like he was trying to read his very thoughts and Anakin squirmed.

“I told you when you started that Quidditch is a very dangerous sport,” Obi-Wan told him, “I did get very lucky, but I promise I’m okay,” He then continued walking, but Anakin’s thoughts weren’t quite settled.

“What if the cloak guy tries to off me like Krell did to you?” He’d always felt safe in the air, but uncertainty seemed to be coming for him at every turn these days.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan had paused again, turning towards him and putting his hands on his shoulders, “Pulling a stunt like Krell did is a one ticket way to be caught. He’d have to reveal himself to us and if he wanted to do that, we’d have seen him by now,” It didn’t sit quite well with Anakin even though he knew Obi-Wan was right, but he followed his mentor down the hall anyways and tried to push mysterious cloaked figures out of his mind. 

***

Obi-Wan was walking at a brisk pace through the emptying halls. He was in the dungeons making his way towards potions class when he nearly ran right into an opening door. He managed to skid to a halt grabbing the edge of the door before it tried to close and peering inside.

“Anakin,” Sure enough his mentee was standing frozen under the door frame.

“Oh hi, Obi-Wan!” He said his name cheerfully, but he did look a little wary for being caught.

“What are you doing in here?” He checked the door, “The potions storage room?” 

It was odd, he knew Anakin liked potions class even though he didn’t have much of a knack for it, but there was no reason for a first year to be snooping around the eye of newt when he should be out in the greenhouses for herbology.

“I was just checking to see...” He trailed off as he looked at the walls of ingredients, “There!” He pointed up at something and Obi-Wan followed his gaze to a jar labeled ‘bezoars’.

“And what is it that you find so intriguing about that?” Obi-Wan crossed his arms.

“Well that’s what they fixed me with right?” Anakin asked with a shrug, “I just thought I’d like to see one. Professor Palpatine wouldn’t mind,” and Anakin wasn’t wrong, Professor Palpatine encouraged the students to familiarize themselves with the various ingredients. Only the most dangerous things were kept under lock and key.

“Yes, bezoars are a cure for most poisons,” Obi-Wan nodded, never one to pass up a moment to teach, “However, this would be a more noble quest if you weren’t meant to be in Herbology right now. Come along, I can walk you there and then at least you won’t get points for being late,” Anakin seemed nervous, looking around before he pushed Obi-Wan gently towards potions.

“I can’t have you walk all the way over there! You’re practically an invalid,” He complained and Obi-Wan sputtered to a halt.

“Excuse me?” He tried to turn, but Anakin was pushing him forward.

“You’re brittle! You definitely should sit down,” He instructed, “I don’t want you to pass out on me or anything.”

“Anakin! I’m perfectly fine,” Obi-Wan whirled around and Anakin took a step back with a frown, “I can make it to my class with no trouble. You on the other hand need to be in class in...” He checked his watch, “about a minute.”

“And I’ll get there in time if you let me go!” Anakin whined.

“There’s no way-” Obi-Wan tried to interject, but Anakin just shook his head and started jogging back the way they’d come.

“I’ve gotta go! You should sit down before you fall over!” He called over his shoulder.

“Anakin!” He tried, but it was futile. Obi-Wan sighed before his attention was drawn to a piece of parchment fluttering to the ground. It had clearly fallen from Anakin’s person, but there was no use chasing the boy down. He had half a mind to worry if Satine’s suspicions were about to come to life, however after a close inspection it was blank, save for some water damage.

“Revelio,” He tried, tapping his wand to the parchment. Ink seeped up towards the surface spelling out his name and he nearly dropped it.

‘Obi-Wan Kenobi should keep his nose out of other people’s business.’

After a moment of stunned silence, he let out a short burst of relieved laughter. It was just a scrap of joke parchment. He tucked it into his bag, well he supposed he’d return it to Anakin next time he saw the boy.

***

“First you were nearly late to potions and now Qui-Gon’s class?” Obi-Wan took his seat next to Satine, who greeted him with rolled eyes and a smile, “And here I thought you wanted to be Head Boy. What kept you?”

“Found a couple of first years trying to sneak into the girls bathroom,” He sighed, dropping his bag on the floor between them, “I can’t say I find the appeal. They’d likely end up with nothing more than being the subject of a few stinging jinxes.”

“Given my assumption of the boys bathroom, maybe they were simply looking for a cleanlier option,” She suggested, jest sparkling in her eyes as she moved to pull out a rather long piece of parchment, “Qui-Gon’s already said we’ll just be working on our project today,” She pointed towards the instructions scrawled on the blackboard, “He says we could use a day to work in class, but secretly I think he’s gotten himself enamored with another prophecy book.”

Satine was likely right, as Qui-Gon was sitting in the front of the room with a book propped open on his knee and a teacup held opposite. If he was taking a break from reading every book in the library, Obi-Wan couldn’t say he blamed him much. Random facts about charms still danced behind his eyes when he was trying to fall asleep at night and no matter how interesting they were, he hadn’t the skills to make much use of them.

“Have you got any spare parchment?” Satine drew his attention by running the feather of her quill across his cheek. He rubbed away the feeling with the sleeve of his robe, giving her a half hearted glare for her trouble.

“I’m sure I do,” He yanked his bag up by the strap, “Be my guest,” He figured he should order her some new parchment. She’d been taking notes for the both of them since Madame Nema still hadn’t given him permission to remove the wrappings on his arm. Satine had been refusing his thanks, but he still wanted to think of a way to acknowledge his appreciation.

“What’s this?” He blinked and looked at the folded parchment in her hands, “I know it’s not yours. You never fold your parchment.”

“Anakin dropped it,” He shrugged and watched as she inspected it, “It’s just a bit of a joke parchment I think.”

“You think?” She asked before setting it on her desk and pulling out her wand.

“I already tried ‘Revelio’ and all I got was an insult,” He warned her and she paused, thinking through her repertoire of spells.

“Revelio Maxima,” She tapped her wand once and just like when he had tried it words bloomed forth from within.

‘Perhaps, Satine Kryze, you should try harder next time.’

“See I tried to warn you,” He shrugged, Satine looked more thoughtful than offended and tapped her wand to her lips.

“This isn’t necessarily an insult,” She considered, picking it up and watching the ink fade away, “It was an instruction, maybe we should try something a little more creative?”

“You get instructions and I get insulted,” He sighed, but couldn’t help the curious smile growing on his face. He liked a challenge, but really what sort of Ravenclaw didn’t like a good riddle? He pulled the parchment in between their desks and got out his own wand, “Alohomora,” He tried.

‘Really, Kenobi?’

“It doesn’t like you much does it?” Satine giggled and tapped her wand against the parchment again.

They tried a wide variety of spells, running through any sorts of useful charms they could think of, before Satine guessed a phrase.

“Open Sesame!”

“I’m sorry what?” Obi-Wan looked over at her feeling perplexed.

“It’s a muggle phrase,” Her cheeks turned a bit pink at the scrutiny, “It’s a little childish, but Anakin was raised as a muggle.”

Their attempts continued, at some point they’d gotten onto much more complex, silly phrases and Obi-Wan was just about to try one that seemed to be on the right track when Satine had him pause, her hand landing on his slightly more damaged one.

“Wait, we shouldn’t be doing this in class,” She pointed out with a whisper, “What sorts of prefects are we?” Obi-Wan glanced around and normally he would agree, but Qui-Gon had still not once looked up from his book and the rest of the class was chatting quietly in pairs. It was hard for him to feel out of place in Qui-Gon’s classroom.

“Come on, one more guess?” He asked, batting his eyelashes at her. She shoved him gently, but sighed.

“Well then, show me up, Mr. Prefect,” She slid the parchment closer to him and he flourished his wand a little dramatically.

“I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good,” He tapped the parchment. Immediately, the ink started seeping up, but this time it was not forming only a short sentence. It was forming a scroll with his name written in elegant font, and the one right beside it was Satine’s. In fact it looked quite a lot like Qui-Gon’s classroom.

Obi-Wan ripped the parchment off their desks and into his lap, hoping to keep it out of sight of his professor or their classmates before he could figure out what he was even holding.

“Let me see!” Satine pulled it towards her slightly and unfolded another part of it.

With every piece unfolded the picture became clearer that it was a map. A map showing every single magical person in Hogwarts and their exact location.

“Look there!” Satine pointed and he looked to see a broom closet. The drawn wall moved under her finger to reveal a path that led to the Gryffindor boys’ dormitory.

“That’s...” But he didn’t even know how to finish such a thought. This was the missing piece they’d been searching for and hadn’t even known it. A map that showed every corridor, person, and apparently, every secret tunnel in the entire school.

And it had been in the possession of Anakin Skywalker.

“Ben,” Satine said his name slowly, looking at him with a cautious expression, “We have to-”

“-I know,” He interrupted her. This was not a coincidental test key or a robe on the ground, this was practically an arrow pointing towards Anakin, exclaiming loudly that he was the culprit, “We need to go straight to the headmaster,” He swallowed. Satine stood up and raised a hand and he followed her folding up the parchment in his hands.

“Yes Satine?” Qui-Gon looked up from his book with a frown, “Is everything alright?”

“We need to go to the Headmaster’s immediately,” she announced, “prefect business.”

***

Anakin was in a foul mood. First he’d nearly been late Herbology, barely making it away from his mentor in time to use the tunnels. And then he’d discovered that for the second time this year, he’d misplaced the map. 

“Where have you been?” Rex asked, looking away from reading through Cody’s corrections on his history essay, “I thought we were going to go over tonight's plan?”

“Well here’s the plan. There isn’t one,” He grumbled, “I must have dropped the map somewhere, but I’ve looked everywhere!”

“You lost it?” Rex gasped, dropping his essay on the table, “What if someone bad finds it?”

“I don’t know!” Anakin hissed, trying to keep his voice down. There were other people in the Gryffindor common room, and although most liked to leave first years well enough alone, he didn’t want any eavesdroppers, “But I’ve gotta find it before Windu-”

The portrait hole opened and Anakin nearly jumped out of his skin as Professor Windu bent and twisted his way into the common room. All eyes went to him immediately, but he said nothing, just scanned the crowd before his eyes landed on Anakin.

“Skywalker, come with me.”

As he followed Professor Windu out of the portrait hole, all he could think about was every regret he’d ever had. Thankfully there weren’t many, but he did wish he’d written his mum more, or gotten to kiss Padmé. He contemplated what his last words would be before he ran into worn robes that had stopped in their tracks.

He looked up at Professor Windu, waiting for him to pull out that sword from his dream, but his professor did nothing except turn to a large winged statue.

“Root leaf stew,” Was all he said, but stairs suddenly started growing out of the ground, spinning around and around until they stopped forming an elegant spiral staircase.

“Um, what-?” He’d been through nearly every passageway in the school, but this was not one he knew. He hoped he wasn’t being led to another hidden beast, but Windu simply crossed his arms.

“The headmaster wants to see you.”

Anakin climbed up the stairs and was relieved when Windu didn’t follow. Still, if this really was the headmasters office, this couldn’t be good.

Yoda’s office looked much like Qui-Gon had described it to him, with portraits of all the past headmasters staring down at him. Under less intimidating circumstances, he wouldn’t mind a fair look around as there were shelves of books and strange objects- maybe even some contraband stored somewhere. Headmaster Yoda, however, caught his eye almost immediately and waved him over and into a chair across from his desk.

“Know why you are here, do you?” Yoda’s voice echoed just slightly in the otherwise quiet room and Anakin shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“Win- I mean, Professor Windu said you wanted to see me,” He said nervously. Normally in these sorts of situations, he’d explain why he didn’t do it, but unfortunately he really didn’t know what ‘it’ was this time. Yoda nodded at his words, closing his eyes for a moment before continuing.

“Heard of the cheating scandal, have you?” Yoda asked, laying his little hands on the desk before them, “Rewritten, the O.W.L.s had to be,” Anakin’s brows furrowed as he tried to figure out where this was going.

“Yeah, I mean I know the prefects are looking for who it is,” And like being hit with a ton of bricks, or perhaps a bludger, it dawned on him what was being insinuated, “Hold on! You don’t think I’ve done it?” Yoda looked at him, expression rather grave.

“Found, evidence has been. That the culprit, you are,” Anakin stood up swiftly.

“What evidence? I didn’t do it!” Yoda just blinked at him, waiting until Anakin begrudgingly collapsed back into the plush chair.

“Show you, I will,” He finally said, opening a drawer in his desk and pulling out a long black cloak, “Found, this was, in a hidden passage by your bed.”

“But that-” He interrupted, but was given a thoroughly chastising look.

“Your name, it has,” He tapped the tag of the robe, but pulled out the O.W.L.s key he’d found before he could interrupt, “Gave this to Satine and Obi-Wan, you did. Dodged their questions, also.”

“Headmaster-”

“Hush,” Yoda held up a hand, “Alone, these things are not,” Lastly he pulled out a square of parchment. Anakin felt sick at the sight, his map, water damaged and all, was placed between them, “Fell from your robes, this did,” Anakin’s mind raced. He knew he was innocent, but this was not a good look, “Open it, why don’t you?” Yoda suggested, sliding it towards him, “Otherwise, check your wand, we will.”

“Headmaster, Professor,” Anakin felt small as he pleaded, “I didn’t do it, if I was going to steal cheat sheets then why wouldn’t I use them myself!”

“Scored 100 on Professor Windu’s holiday assignment, did you not?” Yoda questioned, “Impossible, that is, without the key.”

“What? No!” Anakin roared standing up again, “I did that fair and square! My mum could tell you too!”

“Even so, too much,” Yoda tapped the map with his own wand and the map swam to life, “This is.”

“So what? You’re going to expel me?” Anakin kicked the desk furiously, “For something I didn’t even do?”

“Expel you, I will not,” Yoda fixed him with a careful expression, “But given detention and suspended from the Quidditch team, you will be.”

[chittsu]

college!au with Lucas

HARO EVLYONE!

it happened again. I did that. another college au is here and again, I hurt myself while writing this…… Lucas is so powerful, man… you’ll see how whipped I am below…

college!au; fluff c’mon it’s about this giant dork expect to sink in the feels sea; bulleted scenario; drinking game: take a shot every time you read the word ‘man’; 7161 words good lord thankfully it’s not over 9k or I’d be scared; LUCAS IS THE BEST BOY

summary: you might think that you have feelings for another boy, but when Lucas starts working with you, you quickly realize that you could be wrong about the perfect boy for you,,, or should I say,,, you are wong ;)

enjoy! :)

Lucas is popular at your university

he’s hard to miss with that height and that face and those muscles and this smile and that laugh

okay I think you get the point

he’s probably the most handsome guy on the campus and thanks to that, you can rarely see him without someone hanging on his neck

the fact that he’s a transfer student that can’t speak the language here too well is even better because - he speaks less = he seems more mysterious and that’s apparently what ladies like

on top of that, he’s just so positive? no one has ever seen this man sad or angry, he’s always smiling and talking to strangers as if they were his best friends 

he knows almost everyone and has lots of friends everywhere; whenever he appears on the campus he can’t go 5 meters without someone waving at him

or when he laughs loudly at Winwin’s joke, 20 people in the corridor laugh with him

he has some great achievements as a swimmer; he’s probably the most popular member of the uni’s swimming team thanks to all those fangirls dying to see him without his shirt on and with wet strands of his hair sticking to his forehead

he focuses mostly on the sport, as he got in this university thanks to a sport scholarship and he takes pride in it

and you’ve never expected yourself to interact with him but the moment he walks into your life (and steps on it but wait for that) is when he starts working with you

you’re a bartender at a club popular amongst students; you’ve been working there for a few months now and you feel pretty stable at this job

sometimes it’s hard to simultaneously study and work, but you need to earn money to pay your rent and be independent

the first time he shows up at work is already intense

he seems to walk in slow-motion, his bangs falling softly on his forehead before he pushes them back with his long fingers

he then waves at your manager and smiles at him, showing his perfect teeth

you stare at him but you can’t even blame yourself for that; this boy is glowing, everything about his is so eye-catching - it’s literally like a world-class actor came in

when his eyes land on you, your breath hitches

you start cleaning the bar eagerly because you should at least pretend to be working right

and that’s weird - you’re usually confident in yourself

but, I’ll say it again, Lucas is like a god so that’s fair

as every good k-drama goes, your manager tells you that the two of you will now work together and since you have more experience, you should help Lucas a lot at first

‘sounds like I just got promoted’

'I won’t pay you more if that’s what you’re thinking’

you force a smile and when he turns away from you to look at Lucas again, you roll your eyes HARD, earning an amused look from Lucas

after they talk about, what you suppose are some organization matters, Lucas joins you behind the bar

'I hope we will work together well’ he says, smiling at you confidently; you can imagine that he uses this smile as his weapon

'if you don’t change your clothes, I don’t think that’s possible’ you shrug, not giving him the reaction he usually gets

'y/n… behave please’

you roll your eyes at your boss again

'okay, follow me, I’ll show you where you can change’

you throw the cloth on the bar and go to the back of the club, not even checking if Lucas follows you; you show him his locker and give him the clothes he needs to wear and he even starts to take off his T-shirt before you leave the room like he doesn’t care

you RUN to the bar again and continue cleaning it; Lucas reappears pretty quickly wearing his bartender uniform; by that I mean, black buttoned shirt with black pants and a black apron

you can’t help but check him out when he finally meets you at the bar; the curves of his lips go up automatically like he knows that you know that he knows that he looks good

you love and hate that smugness of his; come on, with that face you’re pretty much prepared for him to be a jerk

you put on your best professional face

'so as you may know, I’m y/n. I’m supposed to teach you stuff but honestly, I don’t even know what I’m doing here so it might be difficult’

'sounds great’

’ … just, make the orders and keep the place clean. if there’s a problem-’

'then I’ll just smile and everything will be okay’

he shoots finger guns at you and you raise your eyebrows; he laughs loudly soon after, covering his mouth with his hand

'that might work tho’ you admit defeated

'on you?’ he asks eagerly, the spark in his eyes reminding you of a child getting Christmas presents; you’re about to discover that he always looks like this

'don’t even think about it but our boss seemed quite whipped if you ask me. NOW-…’

okay, let’s be real here

Lucas is kinda used to people throwing themselves at him wherever he goes; that’s the price he has to pay for being this attractive

and as much as he doesn’t want to take advantage of this, he’s quite self-confident

so when he finds out that he’ll be working with you, there’s this thought that this job might be easier than he expected; everyone would try to help him out as much as they can, right? which means, he wouldn’t need to try too hard

and he’s actually relieved to discover that it’s not the case with you

you don’t treat him like everyone else does

you jump right straight to the work, showing him some of the recipes and you actually expect him to do well; but luckily, he’s ambitious and he wants to be good at this job so he lets you see the focused and serious side of him

that makes you change your mind about him as well; you were expecting him to be lazy and not interested in this job unless it’s about flirting with the customers but you’re wrong about that

you start talking and you find out the reason for him taking this job

apparently, he doesn’t want to be a burden for his parents and wants to start living more independently; also, he has his hobbies and he wants to be able to spend his own money on them

you’re surprised at how hard he works on his first day; he obeys everything you say, he’s careful about the recipes and even though he might not be fast and making them yet, he tries to learn them by heart; also, it’s nice to have a strong colleague that lifts heavy boxes with so much ease

but well, the girls start to go insane very quickly

when they notice that he’s the bartender, you get a crazy amount of orders and it’s honestly one of the busiest nights you’ve ever worked on

Lucas sends multiple apologetic looks your way when he sees how fast you have to move because of him

he tries to keep up as much as he can, but the girls just keep on talking to him and ask him questions and there are just so many things he has to do at the same time that he feels like he’s going to go mad very soon

BUT in the midtime, your tip jar is getting fuller and fuller with every minute and it’s the first time you’ve seen something like this

and even if Lucas makes a mistake and gives a wrong drink to the wrong person, no one even cares

the relief you feel when you can finally change out of your uniform after the night = indescribable

you’ve just finished changing when Lucas comes into the staff room, the tip jar in his big hands; his eyes are bigger than usual and he’s not even smiling which you find incredibly disturbing

'hey, y/n… that was crazy, right’

'crazy? bro, I can’t feel my legs' 

'I know, I feel guilty about all of this so and I couldn’t even help you as much as I wanted to… so take this’

you eye the tip jar that he holds up your way, then his face again, then the tip jar again

'I can’t take this, we both worked for it’

'it’s not fair, I didn’t do as much as you’

'well, if you weren’t there I wouldn’t even get a single coin’

'just take this y/n, don’t make it harder’

'I’m NOT taking this’

'OKAY THEN, what do you think about that. let’s take the money and eat something really good together’

you furrow your eyebrows at him and your stomach growls with hunger as you couldn’t even go on a break because of the amount of work

'so it’s settled’ he smiles widely, putting the jar on the table before starting to unbutton his shirt

'okay but CAN YOU STOP UNDRESSING WHEN I’M IN THE SAME ROOM’

anyways, that evening you go to get the biggest pizza available because 1. Lucas eats A LOT 2. you eat a lot as well

and that’s the moment when you decide that you were completely wrong about Lucas; he’s such a fun guy to be with, talking with him is so easy and also dangerous because eating and laughing this hard at the same time is life-threatening

the first day of working with Lucas ends with both of you smiling brightly as you wave at each other before parting ways and you’re excited for more

what he likes the most about you is how unfiltered you are, how real and genuine you act with him compared to everyone else that pretends to be someone else just to catch his attention 

while you, you’re clumsy. weird. chaotic even.

he still remembers how hard he laughed at you when you slipped on the wet floor which you’d just washed

but he also remembers how hard YOU laughed then, you were unable to stand straight as your body kept shaking with laughter and he decided to come and help you up but guess what? he slipped too

and your boss found both of you laying on the wet floor, roaring with laughter 

that was probably the best icebreaker for you

ever since that unlucky incident, you find yourself smiling at Lucas more and more, even when he just asks you if you ran out of tequila

but he’s like that too; he can’t wipe the smile off his face and he constantly chuckles and giggles and whenever the two of you talk, you both radiate such positive energy

the moment Lucas shares his favourite memes with you is the moment you just know this friendship is real

when it’s one of those Tuesday shifts that you actually like since not many people visit the club then, you and Lucas can chill; usually, you either study or, well, look at memes

or watch something on netflix under the bar on Lucas’ phone since it’s as big as your laptop, sharing earphones casually; sometimes you just want to watch it peacefully but he keeps on pausing just to throw in some joke or comment that makes no sense but even then, his goofy face still makes you smile

he still flirts jokingly but you’re used to it

'can you take this outside Lu’

'okay but will you go out with me’

'I told you it doesn’t work with me’

'that’s why I like you’ and he shoots finger guns at you

he’s also extremely caring and protective; when you show up to work looking terrible as you haven’t slept in 2 days, he makes you go and take a nap in the staff room while he covers for you

or once, when an old man starts saying some nasty stuff to you, he just appears in front of you, blocking your view completely with his wide back and you’ve never seen him this serious

he stares at the guy dangerously and says 'I would like you to leave the club now sir’

and when the man argues and threatens to complain to the manager, Lucas just hits the bar with his fist so hard that the whole club shakes, making the man run away instantly

but when he turns to face you, his face is calm and bright again

'are you okay?’

he can be so cute also

you once find him studying something at work, under the bar and you’re like ! he’s ambitious

and since you know the topic pretty well, you offer help

you meet in the library and he randomly shouts EUREKA or AHA! when he understands something making everyone jop

and you’re like.. okay so that’s the last time we came here together

and when you meet in the corridor on campus, he waves like crazy your way, his face so so bright and so happy it almost gives you butterflies

sometimes, after you finish work, Lucas watches you disappear in a crowd wondering why you’re not attracted to him

it’s not that he wants you to; he likes this friendship and he finds you unique because of the way you act around him and whatever you two have is important to him

but he can’t help feeling slightly… disappointed?

there’s something Lucas doesn’t know about you yet

you have something going on with Jaehyun

and something is the essential word here

Jaehyun is known for being scared of commitment and for months you’ve been seeing each other without putting a label on it… but the situation exhausts you and makes you feel bad

you knew how he was yet still you developed feelings; how embarrassing is that, to get upset over a boy the way you do sometimes

you see him with other girls and you can’t do anything about it because, he’s not yours

you can go weeks without messaging each other, seeing each other and sometimes you even get used to your life when he’s not in it

but somehow, he always finds the moment when you’re ready to let him go and asks you to meet him

usually, it’s when no other naive girl wants to meet up with him

and somehow, you still fall into the trap

Lucas finds out about you and Jaehyun one time when he accidentally hears you talking

since Jaehyun is a member of a band that plays gigs at the club every weekend, Lucas never paid attention to how much time you actually spend talking to him - he thought it was natural, you knew each other well and worked at the same place

but he should have paid attention to how you talk with him

you just seem different whenever you’re near Jaehyun; you’re much calmer, much more graceful, either curling your hair on your finger or playing with the material of his jacket’s sleeve

so after Jaehyun leaves, Lucas approaches you with his eyebrows furrowed and you welcome him with a smile

'who was that’

’… Jaehyun, you know him’

'no, I mean that girl talking to him’

you lift your chin confused, your eyebrows furrowed now as well

’… I was the only one talking to him’

'that?? that wasn’t you, you didn’t snort even ONCE’

and then you, well, snort unwillingly and he just throws up his hands basically yelling 'SEE’

'come on Lu, don’t be dramatic. that’s what people do when they like someone’

'oh, pretend? I don’t do that’

you roll your eyes at him, finding the way he reacts a little exaggerated but you also don’t know how to deal with him when he’s like that

'well, not everyone’s perfect like you, Xuxi’

'listen, it’s not okay man. you’re a great person, you’re funny and smart. why would you pretend to be different? this guy doesn’t know it yet but he’s missing out man’

you blink a few times, your eyes not leaving his serious face; his chocolate eyes and pouty lips; the warmth that spreads in your body makes you feel a little uneasy and the only thing you can say now is 

’… bro’

he swallows suddenly and diverts his gaze towards the exit before it lands on you again; his perfect smile back on his face now

‘want me to drive you home after?’

'HELL YEAH but quick question, will we survive this?’

'just look at me’

and he turns around in, what seems like, slow motion and when your eyes meet again, his playful smile has already changed into his charming, lady-killer smile

'do I look dead to you’

'did I really have to check you out to make this judgement’

'that was a bonus’

and he winks

you hit his chest with your fist, which was a stupid idea because his chest is way harder than you expected it to be, earning a laugh from him

he doesn’t know it yet, but what he said really moved you; you just suck at expressing your gratitude 

anyways, after work you stand together in front of the exit, watching his big, black motorcycle 

he zips up his leather jacket, his face so smug and so confident that you almost want to push him; he side-eyes you, the longer strands of his black hair meeting his forehead, giving him some retro charm

'you’re not scared, are you?’

'me? scared? very unlikely’

'I was just judging by the way you’re squeezing your purse now’

your knuckles are white now and your ears are starting to get red; you press your lips into a straight line from embarrassment and Lucas, again, chuckles

he offers you the helmet, his voice calmer and deeper when he speaks

'I’ll drive slowly. don’t worry, you’re safe with me’

you look up at him, your eyes reflecting the street lights and Lucas’ smile fades; he clears his throat before putting the helmet on your head, a little too suddenly

before you can put it on properly, Lucas is already sitting on the motorcycle; he pats the place behind him

'Lucas, if we end up dead, I’LL KILL YOU’

he shakes with laughter and your face brightens proudly; you sit just behind him, letting your hands wrap around his waist… in a completely friendly, don’t-want-to-get-killed way

'hold on tight, m'lady’

Lucas adds so much excitement to your life; you never expected yourself to be excited to go to work as you do recently or to watch bad movies just to make fun of them with him

and look at you know, you’re riding a motorcycle with him; your cheek pressed to his back, your hair blowing in the wind, with the stupidest grin on your face, doing something you’ve never thought you’d do

Lucas enjoys it as much as you do; the smile is playing on his lips whenever he feels your hands grabbing on the material of his leather jacket

it almost ends too quickly for you

'we’re here ma'am’

'what? already?’

'oh, look at you! weren’t you pissing your pants before?’

you slap his back jokingly before focusing on taking off your helmet; he watches you above his arm and your gaze stops on his side profile for a little too long

'thanks for not getting us killed’ you say, your feet finally landing on the ground 'be careful on your way home’

he waves at you, his lips spreading in a big, warm smile and he watches you until he’s sure that you made it to your block safely

because you’re so focused on Lucas, you almost forget about Jaehyun; he hasn’t messaged you in some time and when he shows up at the bar, you’re either busy with work or talking to Lucas and you don’t even know that it irks Jaehyun a lot

one Saturday, he comes up to your bar, leaving the rest of his bandmates at their usual table; the way he looks at you makes you nervous already, but since Lucas is at the back of the club, you have to serve him

'what can I get for you?’

'are you and Lucas a thing now?’

you smirk, grabbing a glass to clean it; his eyes are so intense you can’t look into them

'why, does it bother you?’

'of course it bothers me, the girl I’ve been seeing is constantly with another guy now’

'so that’s the problem? I’m the problem here? we’re not even a couple Jaehyun, and you’re the reason for it’

'well, I guess you don’t even care about it now that you have Lucas, huh?’

'and it’s you telling me that? you meet a different girl every week’

'well, at least I change them and Lucas? he’s always around you, it’s been like that for months now and it makes me look like an idiot’

'are you for real now? are you drunk?’

'it’s not something you should care about anymore, y/n’

and he pushes his body off the bar and joins his bandmates again with long, angry strides; only after he’s out of your sight, you let your body shake with the emotions and nerves

'Y/N DID YOU SEE WE HAVE A MOUSE NO- wait’

Lucas stumbles into the club but stops abruptly, seeing you dead serious like this; his whole face falls and he appears next to you in no time, his hands rubbing your shoulders to calm you down

'hey hey hey, what’s wrong?’

'I… I need to go outside for a bit, okay?’

he just nods his face but his lips become pouty which expresses how worried he is about you now; he looks around, trying to find a sign of what could have happened and when his eyes meet Jaehyun’s, he knows

he takes off his apron and leaves it at the bar, making his way to Jaehyun; he seems unstoppable

'oh, there he is. how is it going with y/n?’ Jaehyun asks, sitting more comfortably in his seat

'listen’ Lucas starts, his voice so dark that Jaehyun stops smirking immediately 'be careful around her, she doesn’t deserve your shit. if I see her hurt one more time because of you, we’ll have a big problem here’

and not giving him the time to respond, Lucas goes back to work

he can sense that you don’t want to talk about it, so when you come back to the club, he changes the topic and keeps you distracted

only when you’re cleaning the bar as the last task of that night, he says 'you know what, let’s go to a party! Yuta is throwing one on Friday’

'bro, I’m not invited’

'because he knew you’d come with me’ he shrugs, sending you one of the winks that you roll your eyes at

you sigh, cleaning the bar quicker now 'I don’t think I want to go’

'I checked my sources, he who shall not be named won’t be there’

your eyes travel to his completely calm and unfazed face; his eyebrows quirk up as if he’s asking what’s wrong

'did you really ask around for that’

'yeah’

he just shrugs, as it’s a normal thing but you’re once again overwhelmed with his caring nature and you have the urge to hug him now that you resist

'bad news tho, we’re working on Friday’

he puts his hand out in front of your face and smirk, before pointing at himself

'fear not m'lady, this face will get you anything’

and you just, scrunch your whole face from the cheesiness and reach to his cheek, squeezing it like he’s a baby

however, he was right

it’s a miracle but he manages to convince your boss to give you a day off and even if you don’t want to, you just have to go to the party now

Lucas feels responsible for you and he even picks you up from your apartment and drives you there

he tries to spend as much time with you as he can, but you get reminded of how popular he is and how many friends he has; every time he finds you and chats with you, there’s someone dragging him away from you

and usually it’s a girl trying to get him to dance with him; he’s too nice to decline most of the time, but even when he’s dancing with someone else, his eyes always find you

you stick to your group of friends but something’s wrong with your mood today; you just watch all of the couples - like Taeyong with his girlfriend slow-dancing to an upbeat song like nothing matters, their eyes not leaving each other for even a second - or especially your best friend with Taeil who you used to have a big crush on before, and your mind seems blocked 

you spend most of the time with Hyuck and his date and they’re so fun to be with, you’re laughing a lot whenever you with them but you just have to leave them alone when you see how Hyuck looks at her as if he wants to kiss her so badly

you find your oasis in the bathroom

sitting in the bathtub with the door closed never seemed so relaxing; you take a few deep breaths and check your phone, finding no new messages but you look at cute dog pics so it’s fine

then, you see Lucas’ name on the screen; he’s asking where you are so you tell him

he joins you in the bathroom soon; he locks the door after coming in, and he takes in your current state; you also take in how handsome he looks with his dark hair pushed back with gel and his shirt fitting his body perfectly

'did you drink a lot? why are you hiding here?’

'no, I guess I’m just not in the mood for a party’

he exhales, letting his body rest on the edge of the bathtub

'sorry, I shouldn’t have made you come here if you didn’t want to’

'no Lu, it’s fine. the idea was great, it’s just that there’s something wrong with me apparently’

'what do you mean?’

you catch his gaze and you sigh, feeling stupid immediately; you prop your head on your head

 'is it… because of him?’

'I don’t know anymore. the worst thing is that I knew it was gonna be like that with him and yet I still went with it’

'why?’

'I guess I just wanted to feel how it is to be loved without getting too serious, too real. it’s scary’

'you deserve to be loved for real, y/n’

he falls silent, turning his gaze away from you to be able to think straight; you watch his side profile closely, your eyes taking in every inch of his skin

'why don’t you have anyone tho? there are queues asking for your number in the club every night’

'I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m childish’

your forehead wrinkles, your gaze getting so intense that Lucas senses the way you look at him and returns the look

'yes, you’re goofy and childish sometimes but you’re so much more than that, Lu. you’re so positive, warm, caring and smart. you make me smile so much, do you even realize that?’

you watch his Adam’s apple moving when he gulps, his lips parting when he comes up with the response

'would you date me then?’

the atmosphere is so intense that for a moment there, you think he’s actually genuine about it; after a while, you let yourself smirk

'bro why do you keep asking this joke is getting old’

'I’m just waiting for you to change your answer’

you’re almost unable to hear this as someone starts knocking on the door loudly and screaming to open up

but you do hear it

Lucas takes your hand in his to help you up from the bathtub

when you’re out of the bathroom, you go straight to the kitchen to grab a drink, not expecting to see Jaehyun there

but for some reason, your heart doesn’t jump in your chest at his sight

he eyes Lucas who’s standing behind you; the corner of his lips lifts up in an ironic smile

'can I see you alone y/n, or are you dragging him with you everywhere nowadays?’

'don’t start, Jaehyun’

you’re surprised to see Lucas this tense; it’s like he’s sending daggers Jaehyun’s way and Jaehyun doesn’t back out in that battle as well

he comes closer to Lucas and looks him in the eyes

'isn’t it difficult to like someone who doesn’t like you back? you must be hurt whenever you see y/n with me, huh?’

and Lucas can’t take this anymore

he pushes Jaehyun powerfully; his body lands on the kitchen counter and before you can apprehend the situation, Lucas punches Jaehyun and they start fighting right before your eyes

thanks to Johnny and Yuta, you’re able to pull them away from each other but their fierce gazes and shaky breaths imply that they might jump to each other throats anytime again

you put your hand on Lucas’ shoulder to get his attention; he rips his gaze off Jaehyun just to see your big eyes and his body melts

you take in the sight of his face expression changing so quickly when he meets your eyes; something in your chest rises when you see his lip bleeding

'let’s go, okay?’

you apologize to Yuta and everyone who witnessed this before going out of the house with Lucas right behind you

‘y/n, I’m sorry, they said he wouldn’t be there and-’

you stop next to his motorcycle and he halts too

'why did you fight with him? are you really this dumb Lucas? you could have pulled a muscle, what about your competition next week?’

you don’t notice the way his face softens immediately

'is it really something you worry about? aren’t you curious if he’s okay?’

you just let out a big sigh before bringing you fingers to the blood on his lips; he hisses with pain

but when he looks down on you, the both of you freeze; your index finger brushes against the skin on his cheek, and you don’t even realize it; his face moves towards your palm, wanting to feel your warmth and he doesn’t realize it as well

you take your hand away from him

'can you… take me home?’

the next time you meet at work, it’s another busy night for you two and you forget about everything that happened on the party because,, there’s just,, so,, much,, to do

well, you don’t exactly forget about what happened - it just seems like both of you ignore it

around 3 AM, it finally starts to get a bit calmer and you’re even able to go to the bathroom

you leave your phone on the bar and excuse yourself

and Lucas really doesn’t want to do it, but when you get a text, his eyes travel to your phone automatically

and when he sees Jaehyun’s name there, he takes the phone in his hands

he can’t believe his eyes, seeing how Jaehyun wants you to meet him again

he’s about to throw a fit, he wants to go out and find Jaehyun and punch him again right now but then

'what do you think you’re doing’

Lucas turns around quickly, exposing himself with your phone in his hand; you furrow your eyebrows, he gulps

'I’m sorry, it’s not like that, I just-’

you snatch your phone from his hand; your gaze stays focused on the words that Jaehyun sent and you don’t move

'y/n, I’m sorry. I just have enough of this dude and I don’t want you involved with him’

'why? why are you so protective?

'he keeps on hurting you and you let him, if I need to fight him again to change this then I will’

'it’s still my choice to make, you have no right to look through my messages like this’

'I feel stupid, I’ll never do it again, just…’ his eyes travel all around the room before he manages to let it out 

'please, don’t meet him’

your shoulders drop at the sight of him like this, so vulnerable and worried; he plays with his fingers waiting for your response anxiously and your heart sinks

you delete the message from Jaehyun and put your phone in your pocket; you speak after gulping heavily

'I won’t meet him’

'you won’t?’

'it’s time to stop being naive. you’re right. I deserve to be loved’

one of the corners of his lips lifts and his mouth stretch into a wide grin; his hand finds its way to your hair and he ruffles them softly

'I’m relieved now’

'Lu, was he right then? is that why you punched him?’

Lucas stops, blinking a few times before he finally understands; he expects to see the disappointment in your eyes but when he doesn’t, it gives him the courage to speak

'I… I care about you, okay? and I don’t want to see you cry. I don’t want you near Jaehyun. I don’t want you sad, hurt or sick man’

his lips, again, get all pouty and his big, round eyes look straight into yours; this time, you welcome the heavy feeling in your chest gladly 

you stretch your hands towards him; he puts his hand on the back of your head and brings your face to his chest, your whole body fitting perfectly with his in a hug

his hands travel up and down your back and you press your body even closer to his to get more of his warmth

you feel him kissing the top of your head before he pulls away from you and for a second your heart seems so close to exploding

'now, m'lady, it’s time to clean!’

'no, Lu, do it alone, I’ll pay you’

‘you can’t afford me’

and like that, all the tension disappears; you and Lucas go back to what you had before and act like the bestest of friends at work but also on the campus

you help him study at his dorm, getting to know his friends better but they also visit you two at the club and sometimes, you and Lucas don’t have the time to talk alone even

you go out to eat regularly after work thanks to the tips Lucas still gets

and you even go to his swimming practises to cheer him on,,, you also see him shirtless and suddenly you don’t mind him changing next to you in the staff room

you also cut things with Jaehyun completely; he seems sincere when he apologizes to you and you know that deep inside, he isn’t that bad

but he’s bad for you

and there’s someone so much better right next to you, someone that you would trust with anything - also your heart

you watch Lucas swim across the swimming pool, you two are the only ones there at the moment

when he finishes, he throws his arms in the air and yells 'YEAAH!’ as if he won the Olympics or something

and you laugh at him, shaking his head

he comes out of the water, drying his hair with a towel messily; he then hangs it on his shoulder and sits at the edge of the swimming pool next to you

'was I cool’

'yeah, but then you screamed’

'I just can’t keep the emotions inside man’

you look at him with your eyes smiling and he shrugs smugly

'you know, you haven’t asked me if I wanted to go out with you for a while now’

'you told me to stop joking like this and you know I’m obedient’ his hand travels to his ear that filled up with water

'the answer might have changed’

Lucas stops; he tilts his hand and presses his lips together, waiting for you to continue; you look down on your hands before speaking up again

'I know, it’s sudden and it makes no sense but I love spending time with you. you make me feel so important and with you, I can’t stop smiling… I just want you to know that I think I like you’

his expression doesn’t change, he’s still serious and he tries to find out if you’re honest by looking into your eyes

'only after meeting you, I realised that whatever feelings I had for Jaehyun, they weren’t real. he has never made me feel the same way I feel when I’m with you and I needed some time to realise that, but I finally did’

he brushes the hair from your face, a smug smile appearing on his face

'will you go out with me then?’

your nose scrunches when you laugh and you get overwhelmed when you feel his fingers tracing the skin of your palm before he intertwines your fingers

'I’d love to’

and you don’t expect him to screech the way he does, covering his face with his other hand as if he just heard the cringiest thing in the world

and you to calm him down but you also laugh out loud; you’re both not able to contain your smiles

he moves his face closer to you and kisses your nose first, then his lips find yours and he pecks them a few times sloppily before finally, landing your first proper kiss on them

he presses his wet body to yours and shivers overcome your whole body and you’re getting wet as well but you don’t care

eventually, Lucas drags you into the water with him and after you yell at him, you begin splashing each other with water and kissing and laughing maniacally

he warns you though

he says that he was never serious with anyone before and he might turn out to be the worst boyfriend ever

but it’s totally not the case

you’ve never imagined yourself to be so happy 

he’s still your best friend and still behaves the same way as before; every time you’re with him your cheeks hurt from laughing and you can’t contain your happiness

he’s still caring; when you’re sick he makes sure you take care of yourself; he calls you after your studying sessions and keeps talking to you until he knows you’re asleep - because you tend to stay up late and then you’re like a zombie the next day

he’s still protective; whenever someone talks to you without showing respect, he just appears next to you and asks them politely to change their ways

his words might be polite but his gaze sure isn’t

he gives AMAZING hugs, it’s like your body melts into his and you weigh nothing; one hug of his and you suddenly have no problems, life is beautiful and flowers are blooming

and the feeling of his hand holding yours? indescribable

it makes you feel extremely safe and reassured like there’s nothing that’s impossible for you

whenever he laughs at your jokes, you feel like the funniest person in the world and you just want to make him laugh and laugh and laugh; his chuckles sounded obnoxious once but now they’re the best sound in the world in your ears

and when he looks at you with his big brown eyes, you feel so beautiful; when he smiles at you, you feel like you can do anything

you sometimes can’t believe how lucky you are to have this big dork next to you; when he falls asleep while studying with you in the library (yeah you take him there again), you count his eyelashes and trace your fingers across his cheeks and play with his soft hair and just, admire how handsome and perfect he is

he’s also unstoppable

whenever he sees your gaze falling to his plump lips, he just goes for it and cups your face in his big hands and kisses you hungrily, as if he hadn’t just kissed you a few minutes ago

he loves giving you random kisses

at work, you can be just making an order for something when he suddenly comes up to you and gives you a peck on the cheek unexpectedly and it leaves you blushing EVERY.TIME.

still, your random make-out sessions in the staff room make you blush the most

or when you’re explaining something to him, he just shuts you up with a quick kiss

and you look at him with a straight face because,,, you were talking about some real important stuff,, but when he grins at you and his cheeks go up like this, you can’t even be mad

he’s so proud to show you off in front of everyone; he’s always holding your hand or having his arm around your shoulder or just touching you in some way

and your friends are as positive as him, they love you

and whenever you interact with them as if they were all your best friends of 12 years, he just lights up with pride

the thing is, none of the people that had a crush on him before seems mad about him being in a relationship? they actually seem to love him even more because seeing you two interact makes everyone’s hearts just go crazy

you’re so incredibly sweet together, you don’t even fight

Lucas would hate himself forever if he ever hurt you; so,,,, he just lets you win all the time

there was only one fight between the two of you, early in your relationship and he cried and you cried and you just ended up hugging and comforting each other on the floor

since then, Lucas has decided to never start a fight and since you’re easy-going as well, you don’t really need to fight

you both shower each other with compliments and support all the time; your texts are filled with heart emoji and memes basically

but you secretly love the moments when you lay down in your bed talking about everything just before you doze off; none of you knows exactly what you’re talking about it but it’s just so wholesome and listening to his deep, hushed voice just makes you fall in love with him again and again

in conclusion, you’re so in love with Lucas and you tell him that for the first time after he wins a competition

he’s all wet and tired and not breathing properly even, when you throw yourself at him

and he lifts you up and twirls with you in his arms and you leave sloppy kisses all over his face

'I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you..’

'I LOVE YOU TOO MAN’

’…. is 'man’ your pet name for me’

and he laughs hysterically and you just shake your head before joining in

so yeah, you’re undoubtedly in love with the biggest dork of them all, Lulu

you once get startled when you come across Jaehyun on the campus; you squeeze Lucas’ hand to warn him not to do anything stupid

but Jaehyun smiles at the two of you and acts incredibly friendly? 

you’re not friends with him but you’re in good terms; actually, you’ve heard some stories about him falling in love? 

but that’s… a story for another time >:)

masterlist

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Green Eyed Monster {Headcanon}

Warning: Cursing, Tiny bit of Angst

Words: 2.1k

~~~~~~~~~

Chris Evans had been jealous before. He hated being jealous, hated it with a passion. He found it to be a frivolous emotion. One that cost him a lot of energy and always put him in the worst mood. 

In his younger years, early twenties he’d get jealous a lot and with that jealousy, he was always ready to fight. As he got older late twenties it died down. He picked his battles with jealousy. In his early thirties, the green-eyed monster was an urban legend. Now in his late thirties, jealousy was not a thing for him. It wasn’t because he thought he was such a great guy that no one could compare and would dare approach what was his. No, it was because he was older, wiser and knew better and had lived out those days. Or so he thought.

You and Chris had been together for almost two years. There was a lot of buzz around your high-profile relationship. Many wondered when he would pop the question if he ever would. Some were wondering if he’d be a bachelor forever and if you’d get tired of waiting and leave him. It was constant. You never let on that any of the fodder was impacting you.

Tonight, the two of you were at the premiere of your new movie “Fools Down Under”, a romantic comedy that you’d warned had its fair share of sexy scenes. He was not looking forward to it, but he’d prepared himself. It was after all just a job. He understood better than anyone.

He watched you dazzle on the red carpet in a gown he really didn’t want you to wear. In his eyes, it showed too much of your shape. The sparkly green dress was cut low enough to show off the swells of your breasts, cinched at the waist so it showcased your dangerous curves and the split at the thigh gave a good view of your perfectly moisturized skin. You looked unbelievably beautiful, but it was by his definition way too much. 

He’d tried to voice those very words even suggested a different dress, but you dismissed his concerns making the final decision that it was fine. He wasn’t the kind of man to press the issue and restrict anyone to dress how they wanted so he bit his tongue and held his peace.

Every camera flash loved you, all the questions you answered perfectly, and they all loved you. As he sat and watched the put together of months of your hard work he was overcome with pride. You played your role well and really brought the whole thing together. The first sexy scene that came on took him by surprise even though you’d leaned over and whispered to him a warning. It was fifty seconds of his clenched jaw and fists balled. Fifty seconds that felt like a lifetime. Fifty seconds he had to watch another man’s hands on your body, lips on yours. Fifty seconds the image of you straddling someone else was seared into his brain. 

He hated it. Each scene brought the same reaction. By the time the final love scene played he had shifted uncomfortably in his seat for what felt like the hundredth time. Even your hand on his thigh didn’t do anything to ease the actual pain he was in. 

The end of the movie brought a standing ovation for you and the cast. You were called before everyone to join the cast. You took your place beside your costar, Lawrence and his hand wrapped around your waist. Chris’ eyes zeroed in on his hand. He clenched his jaw so tightly they began to hurt. They were speaking but he didn’t hear anything, all he heard was the blood pumping in his ears. 

The drive over to the venue for dinner was a quiet one. He was lost in his thoughts about not only the movie and the love scenes but seeing your co-star’s hands on around your waist. Everything in him said it was nothing, just a friendly hand on your waist but the voice in his head said there was no such thing as a friendly hand on the waist. 

“What’s wrong baby?”

“Nothing. Just thinking about what a great job you did.” He wasn’t lying but he wasn’t being one hundred percent truthful.

“Thank you, baby.” You kissed him, it was to be a small peck, but he held your head in place and deepened the kiss. You moaned on his mouth and reciprocated. After a few moments, you pulled your lips from his and tried to catch your breath.

“What was that Casanova?”

“I love you. You know that right?”

You gave him a quizzical look before you smiled. “Of course, I know that. I mean you better, we’ve been doing this thing for two years now.” 

He heard the tease in your voice, but his head began to work overtime wondering if it was a sly jab at the fact that you’d been together for two years and he still hadn’t asked you to marry him. 

“Hey, what is the matter with you?”

He tried to snap out of it and reassure you that he was fine. He had no idea if he was successful or not before the car stopped and you shuffled out to get inside. Once inside the two of you were ushered to the table with the rest of your cast and their plus ones. Before you approached the table, he pulled you back to him forcing your body to crash into his. Your smile was bright but also innocent.

“I love you Y/N.” he allowed his hand to drop down a few inches to rest at the small of your back right before the swell of your backside.

“I love you more.” He kissed you and delved his tongue into your mouth. Before the kiss could take off you pulled back and gave him a look that said: “behave”. Then you turned back to the table and greeted them. 

Throughout dinner, Chris kept an eye on the interaction between you and your co-star Lawrence. He took notice of every whisper, laugh, and glace between the two of you. Every single thing had his suspicions growing and every single minute had him seeing different more intense shades of green. He didn’t know what was happening to him.

When everyone began mingling. You left his side to make the rounds to be the social butterfly you were paid to be. It when then that it finally hit him just what was going on with him. You were standing across the room in a circle of other actors, directors, and Lawrence talking, smiling leaving all of them transfixed on whatever you were saying. He watched as you touched his shoulder, his hand instantly went behind you to your waist again and that was where it remained. He’d never felt such an incredible urge and need to kill someone. 

He actually envisioned using his cuff links as a murder weapon. The intensity of his rage shocked him especially when he looked down to see his champagne flute shattered in his hands. 

As he cleaned himself up, he kept watch on the situation. Every second that passed he saw, even more, to be angry about. Lawrence leaned to your ear whispered to you and the proximity of his lips to your ears set him off. 

Your eyes flittered around the room until you looked back and found his. The look on your face immediately changed from an amused one to one of concern. He excused himself and walked out of the room, he needed air.

As he found a balcony he grunted. He couldn’t believe that after all these years he was jealous. It had been so long since he felt the emotion, he didn’t know what it was at first. He knew very well now. 

“Chris?” he was ready to blow up. you stood there letting another man touch you so intimately. You touched his shoulder, he pulled away.

“Baby, are you okay?”

He remained silent, he didn’t trust his voice or his words right now. Every attempt you made to step in front of him and look at his face he evaded. He knew if he looked at you two things were possible. His anger would dissipate, and it’d be like nothing had happened or he’d blow a gasket and pick a fight. He didn’t want either one to happen.

“Christopher!” You only used his full first name when you were being serious. You stepped in front of him and the first look into his eyes you slinked back. His anger was evident, and he knew he was about to pick a fight.

“What are you doing out here? Go back in to the party, and him.”

“Him?”

“Your co-star who can’t seem to keep his hands off of you.”

“What? Chris, what are you talking about?”

“Do you like feeling his hands on you?”

Your jaw dropped as you gaped at him. He stood there waiting for you to answer and each second you didn’t his anger rose.

“Answer me!”

“Oh, hell no, who are you shouting it? why are you shouting? What is going on?”

“You’re not stupid Y/N. He wants you. He’s only made it evident all night! It’s is so fucking clear.”

He walked away again leaving you standing there. You soon followed.

“Chris I am so lost. What is this about?”

“Lawrence. He hasn’t kept his hands off of you all night and you’ve just allowed it.”

“Are you kidding? Chris that is nothing.”

The way he spun around was quick almost like the exorcist and it had you rearing back.

“Don’t you fucking dare tell me it’s nothing. I have eyes Y/N! I’m not stupid.”

You took a deep breath and slowly released it.

“Chris, I don’t know what you think you saw, or what you think is going on, but nothing is going on. Lawrence and I are nothing. We filmed together and that was it. I’m with you. He and I are nothing.”

As you tried to reason with him you slowly approached him like a startled doe in the night. He didn’t move. When your hand touched his arm the muscles in his jaw clenched.

“I have never lied to you, especially about something like this. Where is this coming from?”

He knew you were right. He’d never had to worry about anything like this before. He’d never felt like this before with you. He wondered if he was seeing through green-colored glasses or if it was now evident when it wasn’t before.

“Chris, I love you. Only you. Why would I throw two amazing years away?”

He searched your eyes, desperately trying to uncover the truth, any truth that you may be hiding behind your deep irises. After nearly a minute he found no lies. You touched his jaw and he sighed out. He wrapped his arms around you holding you tightly.

“What is going on?”

“I’m sorry.”

You pulled him back and looked at him. “Talk to me, baby. What is this?”

He reluctantly explained it all to you. As he spoke the words aloud, he felt stupid for even thinking there was something going on between you and Lawrence. 

“I just didn’t know what to think. I guess I let the tabloids get to me.”

“Tabloids?”

“Yeah. They said you were tired of waiting around for me pop the question and that you’d leave because you weren’t the type to wait much longer.”

“Pop the question? Chris really? Have I ever said that I was waiting for you to propose?”

“No, but it’s been two years Y/N, for some women that’s the limit.”

“Baby. I’ll let you know when my limit is. I am not most women. We’re in a good place. Maybe I like living in perpetual sin. I’m happy with the way things are.”

“Are you sure? Are you sure you’re not tired of waiting? Are you sure you won’t leave me if I don’t to it soon?”

“Maybe I’m not ready to marry you, Evans. Maybe I’m not the marrying kind. Did you ever think of that?”

You were teasing him. A smile teased your lips that made him smile.

“The point is we’re in this relationship. I couldn’t give two fucks what the tabloids say. Marry me, don’t marry me, it doesn’t matter.”

He was shocked, but he knew the idea of not marrying you was not something that brought him joy. You smiled. 

“I’m sorry.”

“You should be Evans. Now how do you plan on making it up to me?”

He pulled you back into his arms and kissed your ear. “Let’s go home. I have a few ideas.”

[darkestwolfx]

Impact - Re-Review #35

“This is going to be a close one.”

“Isn’t it always?”

Hello everyone! So I’d just like to say a massive massive thank you for all the recent comments and reblogs on the Re-Review Series. Being busy with work this week I haven’t had the time I like to reply to everyone, but be aware that I have read every single response and if I haven’t replied to you, it’s not meant unkindly! I’m incredibly grateful for all your support with these, and glad to know you’re enjoying them - it motivates me to continue writing them.

Now, before we dive in with today’s installment - I can’t believe we’re on number 35 already! - I’d like to give a little note on Fanfiction works (which I know have been lacking from me lately!).

So tomorrow there will definitely be one piece to upload, I’m hoping it could extend to three, maybe four, but I’m working on the numbers I can guarantee I can deliver - which is an irrelief2020 prompt that I have loved from the moment I saw it and been desperate to write - so I’m hoping it will be well received! Hopefully I can bring you more works too, but if not, bear with me (like you all are, and I massively appreciate it)! If I can take any good screenshots from my chat with Australia (and the Red Pandas) [which by the time this goes up will only be hours away and I will have been awake from about 3AM UK time) I will throw them up for you all to see as a reward.

Anyhow, back to the Re-Review Series;

It’s EOS! It’s actually EOS, and she’s in the opening shot and we get to see her travelling around Thunderbird Five! I love it so so much. Look at those little red dots of... is that jealousy there, EOS?

“Lucky shot!”

“That wasn’t luck; that was skill.”

“Yes, I’ve studied it in college. It’s supposed to miss Earth by millions of miles.”

“However, it has apparently changed trajectory. And the probably of a collision with Earth is now one hundred percent.”

“What could possibly knock a comment that far off course?”

You’re about to be very sorry that you asked that, I’m afraid, John.

“We have a situation.”

“Uh... you always say that.”

Scott swiping Alan’s feet out of the way is absolutely perfect brotherly interaction once again.

“Something The Mechanic could have done?”

“Good guess, but no.”

“Langstrum FIschler.”

Uh oh... Scott is mad. Scott is very mad. The face said it all.

“Nobody said gear up’s were fair, Virgil.”

So, Alan is on form (as usual) in this episode, and we get to see Virgil’s first trip in Thunderbird Three! This makes sense as we were shown Virgil piloting Three  up to Five in TOS ‘Ricochet’.

“Any luck tracking down Fischler?”

“Not yet. That guy changes addresses more than I change socks.”

Um... I don’t know which part of that sentence to be more worried about...

“Hello, this is Langstrum Fischler, inventor and visionary!”

“And this is International Rescue.”

“Ah... Yes... so it is.”

You know what, I’ve been awake for too long now and am a little too tired to sit here and write the essay I would love to write on Fischler and his idiocy and made up names and processes. But I will have to write that another time when I am more able to write something which isn’t a load of prattle. So for now, let me just express my heartfelt feelings that said man is a liability. The epitome of liability even.

“John’s right. We do have a situation.”

As I have said before Alan; we wouldn’t have a show if you didn’t.

“What are our options?”

“We could try to steer the comet away from Earth.”

“Because we’ve seen how well that’s worked for Fischler.”

“Ah, yes, point taken.”

New catch phrase, maybe? FAB and RAD are totally outdated.

“I say we blast it to bits!”

Of course you do, Virgil, seems to be an area of expertise of yours, after all: demolition.

“I’ve loaded up enough demolition charges to do the job.”

“Wait, you put explosives on my ship?”

This is another of those traditional Alan lines that only Alan can ever really get away with saying.

“Alan, you fly a rocket. It’s already an explosive.”

“Point taken.”

I still adore this scene.

“This is Thunderbird Three. That was a rough ride.”

“But thanks to Alan, we’re ok.”

“Which is more than Fischler’s gonna’ be when I’m done with him.”

Yeah... it’s probably a good thing that Scott can only reach Fischler by holographics... the man would have a broken nose else.

“Better you two stay on task and blow up the comet.”

Not everyday we hear that from International Rescue!

“And Fischler’s rocket.”

“Especially Fischler’s rocket!”

Yes, we get it Scott. We get it.

“Meanwhile, I’ll break the news to Global One.”

Which of course happens to be where Ridley is based.

“Ridley, you may want to sit down.”

“Not so easy in zero gravity.”

Does she not know by now that John really struggles with humour and works in a high pressure environment where if he’s calling you, it’s probably because you’re in life-threatening danger.

“Ok, you have my attention.”

“Good, because all of you on Global One are in serious danger.”

“Only the last shuttle was short one seat.”

So, I highly doubt any space based organisation would miss-run a potentially life threatening calculation like that for one.

“Besides I thought you could use a hand with the towing operation.”

“What towing operation?”

“John, I’ve did the calculations. My maneuvering jets aren’t powerful enough to push Global One out of the way in time. So I’m counting on you to save the space station.” 

Secondly, that was the whole point of why John told you to leave Global One - there was no plan to rescue something which could be rebuilt. (Yes, I am aware here that the boys often try to rescue their own ships, but emotional attachment is the reason for those calls - I’m well aware Ridley’s call could be put down to the same reasons, but it’s a call that annoys me. One I don’t think a Captain should have made).

“Ridley, I’m not a tow boat Captain. I rescue people.”

“Ok, I’m people. Rescue me.”

So, thirdly, (and I’m aware I’m about to say some things that might not be well received, but), who does she think she is? I thought the character of Ridley was going to be a good addition to the show, but in this episode, I kinda changed my mind on that a bit. John is the sort of person who - whilst capable of remaining incredibly calm under pressure - does have a massive heart. I mean, look how he took in EOS after she nearly killed him (and potentially Scott, Brains and Alan) and gave her a second chance. Ridley knows he would rescue anyone because that is his job. Emotional blackmail doesn’t sit well with me - and whilst many might not see her actions in that way - that’s how they always come across to me. This entire conversation makes out very clearly that she stayed because she wanted IR to save Global One, but knew there was no chance of that occurring if it was just the ship in the comet’s way. So she stays, and then trips every switch that John has - because he (like most of the Tracy family in the odd world of 2060) has a conscience - and makes herself need rescuing when it could have been avoided. Maybe I see it more this way because I’ve always had a soft spot for John - up in space, all on his own - but even if this isn’t blackmail, it’s manipulative. And even if it wasn’t intended that way, it definitely works that way. With Alan and Virgil on the comet, the only other option is for John to act and - like Scott says - put himself in danger, all for one person who didn’t listen to him in the first place, someone who you would have expected should have enough knowledge (and apparent care) to listen to him. It just annoys me that she acted that way.

Right, potential discussion-opening opinion out there, but I felt it needed saying (although hopefully I’ve written that argument well and not done any tired prattle). Now to move on.

“John, what are you doing?”

“Trying to save Captain O’Bannon’s life.”

“Oh. Well then, carry on, Using Thunderbird Five?

“That’s the general idea.”

“John, come on! If things don’t go your way, we could lose Global One, Thunderbird Five and you!”

“Love to hear about a better plan.”

Unfortunately I have to now return to my above essay. You see my point?

“There may not be time to pull Global One clear of the comet. I’ll rescue you first, then we can try.”

“No! It’s like we discussed. Save me, save my station. Package deal.”

“Ridley, be reasonable.”

Yes, be reasonable, and don’t put people (i.e. John) needlessly in danger.

“John, this is my command and I am not about to abandon it. Would you give up Thunderbird Five if the boot was on the other foot?”

Already discussed this as well, so won’t repeat myself too much, but really, manipulative is the only word which struck me for all of this. There was (other than for the sake of expanding the episode) no reason for Ridley to put John in this position.

“Score one to you, Captain.”

See? Forgiving John (or maybe blind John) all over again. And wait for it;

“Just like climbing  set of monkey bars.”

“If the monkey bars are twenty-two thousand miles high.”

“John.. don’t help.”

Okay, really now, make your mind up because you cannot have everything, and I definitely believe that you cannot treat someone who is risking their life for you (job or not) - and who you might have considered a friend - like that. Seriously, she irks me in this episode, a lot (if you hadn’t already guessed). But yeah, I’ve seen the real life effects of emotional manipulation like that, and I personally believe Ridley was really out of order, and even after she became trapped, and John risked coming out to rescue her there still wasn’t any apology.

I’m with EOS on this one, not jealous maybe, but angry. She stands to lose a lot as well if she loses John and/or Thunderbird Five, remember.

“Did I see Thunderbird Three sticking out of that comet?”

Yes, yes you did.

“This is us leaving... Except the grappling arms won’t retract!”

“What?”

“I’m not thrilled about it myself!”

I told you Alan was on form, did I not? He did really well to get them out of that situation then. He really is a skilled pilot.

“They did it!”

“I never doubted them for a moment.”

Of course not, Brains. We’ll just never speak of it, shall we?

So, apart from the fact this episode was in space (key point that one) and was called ‘Impact’, it still shared many similar elements with the earth-based TOS episode ‘Edge of Impact’, alongside the soon to come ‘Weather or Not’ TAG episode. Combined, ‘Impact’ and ‘Weather or Not’ sum up many elements featured in ‘Edge of Impact’ quite well - the high tower, the endangered lives, the near-misses, the potential loss of life, entrapment, the technological failure... anything I’ve missed?

Oh, and I really love the above poster.

[louistomlinsoncouk]

Louis Tomlinson shot to international and unprecedented fame back in 2010, as one firth of One Direction on the X-Factor.

Fast forward ten years and Louis Tomlinson – now 27 years-old has experienced the most incredible professional highs with mind boggling achievements such as winning five Brit awards, embarking on record breaking international tours that outsold even Katy Perry and The Rolling Stones and selling over 50 million records worldwide all as part of one of the planets most successful ever boybands.

But during this time Louis has also experienced many personal lows, all whilst under the microscope of extreme public attention. In late 2016 Louis’ mother died and in March this year Louis also lost his sister. Despite these life changing moments, Louis has used the lows to empower him with him notably writing the powerful, Two of Us and returning to the X-Factor stage the day after his mother’s death to perform his collaboration with Steve Aoki, Just Hold On! Louis’ response to the darkest times of his life are nothing short of inspiring.

In our latest edition of GLAMOUR UNFILTERED, hosted by Josh Smith, Louis Tomlinson talks about how he has leaned into his vulnerability, how hard it was for him to establish his own identity away from One Direction to create his own path as a solo artist and how his relationship with the brotherhood in the band has changed…  

With a new album, new songs and a tour on the way, what does Louis 2.0 represent?

I haven't really thought about it really, but I think musically what I was really happy with on this album is my first single of this, Kill My Mind. I feel like I am a little bit more mature in my songwriting, and I feel like as time goes on, the more songs that I write, I feel like I understand lyrics more and more. I'm just honest I'd say.

What do you think has been the hardest thing for you to be honest about with yourself?

To be honest, I'm lucky with where I grew up. In Doncaster we wear our heart on our sleeves really. So, it comes naturally to me really to just be open about the way that I feel. I think it's important to do that in songwriting. I just see it as honesty.

There is still so much stigma around men being vulnerable – how have you navigated around the stereotype?

I'm aware of it, but it’s not how I operate personally. I've always kind of owned it. I think my mum did a good job of bringing me up and taught me good values. When we wrote Two of Us, that was obviously a very personal song for me, and probably the most vulnerable I've been, especially on a song. But it feels good to be honest and talk about these things and encourage other people to talk about these things.

What's been the most amazing reaction to that honesty for you?

It was with Two of Us, to be honest. It was just, I've had a couple of moments where fans have come up to me and told me what that song means to them and maybe they've just had a loss in their life. I never really had that in the band to that level, my lyrics really meaning something to people. So, that's incredible.

What have you learnt about yourself through being a front man?

I feel like I've learnt to trust my gut more and just own my decisions, because when there's a lot of people around you that, there's always a lot of opinions. So, I feel like I understand myself more as an artist, I understand myself more as a songwriter. I’ve just been trusting my gut more I think as I've got older. To be honest, kind of what you see is what you get with me and I've always been that way. There's not really too much complexity to it - I'm lucky like that. 

You have been through so many extreme private moments in such a public sphere. How have you coped with that?

It was definitely difficult at first, when I first got put in the band and having to deal with not having as much privacy. But I suppose as time goes on you grow to understand it and get used to it. To be honest, there have been some pretty hard times in my life, and although I wouldn't have chosen to have them played out in the public, some of the reactions and some of the stuff I got from fans was incredible too. It’s tit for tat really. It’s been difficult, but that's life anyway, it's just that on a massive scale. I suppose at the start of the band I struggled a little bit with that, but I think I'm pretty resilient and look, I'm lucky that I had the experience at that level. I'm also quite persistent. It was actually the third year that I'd auditioned for X Factor that I got put in the band and you have to have a certain amount of self-belief for that.

What advice would you want to give the you, who went through those private moments now?

I would just say, "Trust yourself and trust your gut, because those things are important, and nobody understands you better than you."

How strange was it for you to go from having that immediate support network of the other four members of One Direction almost gone over night?

It was difficult. There are still people around me that were, like my vocal coach for example, that were around, and she plays a big role in my career. So, there is still enough familiar faces to not kind of feel like alienated and on my own, but it definitely took some getting used to. One Direction was such a well-working machine, so it definitely took some getting used to. But I think, as you spend time on your own you find new people that you really got on with and develop those relationships.

How did you build your identity away from the band?

It took me a second to understand that I was on my own now, and my identity for so long was part of a collective, and obviously you still have an individual identity within that, but you're upholding this collective identity. So, I think it took me a second to kind of understand that I can be a bit of a chav again!

Did you ever feel like were having to put anything on during the band?

You see, I think sometimes people insinuate that it might be the record label and management that make you like this, but it's not. You're respectful of the fan base and their age, and we had a young fan base. Also, they've got mums who can get angry if you piss them off! 

Was there a turning point in discovering who you are as a person?

I think I'm lucky that I can kind of come to those conclusions almost through my music. As I've started trusting myself more musically and my musical instincts, there is an overlap with real life there as well.

What's been the career high and low you have learnt the most from?

The high I've learnt the most from would be collectively the One Direction experience and so much that comes with that. It was an incredible experience and taught me so much along the way. In terms of the lows, it's been quite difficult at times to understand the difference between the experience that I have with the band and the experience that I have now, and how relevant that is to a solo artist. I think that's taken me a second to work out, there's some, like the way I started my career as a solo artist and I released a couple of feature songs, which I think are great songs, but looking back I feel like maybe didn't say too much about me musically and my influences All of these things I've kind of had to learn from to get here really.

Looking back over the last ten years is there anything you would change?

In reality I wouldn't. I wouldn't because I think every mistake is all part of your journey, and you do definitely learn something every time. So, in terms of my career and how I've come across publicly and all of that, no, I wouldn't change anything to be honest.

What advice would you want to give someone who has gone through the same life experiences as you?

Find the people in your life that you know you love and trust and talk it through with people. Because I might come across as confident but obviously you have moments where you build things up in your head. The longer you live with that thought you think it's big, it ends up being bigger than the reality of the situation. So, I think just as much communication as possible especially with your family.

How has your relationship with brotherhood changed in your life?

I suppose my career has helped me see the world and meet a lot of different people, and I think that gives you a certain level of understanding. As I've got older really, my responsibility has changed with my sisters and my little brother. I'm currently trying to have a conversation with my twin sisters to go to the sixth form! I try to be more mature but as a brother you have to be.

How have you leaned into your immediate brotherhood of the band at different times in your life?

I think, honestly, there's obviously times where you have better relationships with other members than you do others, but that connection, that'll be forever. Definitely. Because, we experienced so much in a relatively short space of time and it was crazy what we all saw together and experienced, so I think that is something that we'll have forever, really. Definitely. Sometimes you might not see eye to eye, but that's the way friendships go in real life!

You can listen to Louis's tracks 'Don't Let It Break You Heart' and 'We Made It' now, taken from his debut album 'Walls' out January 31st