#So Wall o' text it is

[z34l0t]

The way Dustin Poirier put it seemed to surprise many people. Maybe it’s because of who he is, which is to say one of the most successful and seemingly levelheaded fighters still active in the sport, the kind of guy who seems to always have it together. Or maybe it was because of how he put it in an interview with Ariel Helwani on “The MMA Hour�� earlier this week.In the aftermath of his knockout loss to Justin Gaethje last year, Poirier said, he slipped into a “darkness” that consumed his thoughts, causing genuine concern for his own well-being.“The world doesn’t know, but the people close to me know,” Poirier said. “I went through some real mental struggles.”

This echoed what we heard from former UFC featherweight champion Alexander Volkanovski just a few months ago. Trying to explain why he accepted a short-notice fight up a weight class against an opponent who’d already beaten him once, Volkanovski explained that he’d been struggling mentally and hoped booking a fight would help.“For some reason, when I wasn't fighting or in camp or keeping busy, I was just doing my head in,” Volkanovski said at the time.Stick around this sport long enough and you’ll realize this is a recurring theme. Those periods after each fight, whether they win or lose, can be hard on fighters. There are several very good reasons for this, just like there are several reasons why active fighters aren’t eager to admit to struggling with it. (Just look up some of the reactions from peers to Volkanovski’s admission, for instance.)

I was reminded of this while asking around among fighters this week. Many of those still making their way in the sport didn’t want to discuss the bouts of post-fight depression. They worried fans or fellow fighters might use it against them in the future. Then I asked Chael Sonnen, half-expecting to get some tough guy answer in keeping with his public persona.

“OMG, post-fight depression is very real,” Sonnen wrote back. “I experienced it every time, and I faked my way through it because I thought it was my dirty secret.”What made him realize he wasn’t alone, Sonnen said, was a discussion with a former opponent named Brian Stann, who explained it in a way that made sense. It also helped him realize he wasn’t alone in struggling with it.Stann may be one of the most all-around remarkable individuals to ever fight in the UFC. A graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy, where he played linebacker on the Midshipmen football team, Stann received the Silver Star for valor in combat while serving in Iraq.Stann entered the UFC just after exiting the Marine Corps, and went on to have a solid career in the UFC that included memorable bouts with Sonnen, Chris Leben, Michael Bisping and Wanderlei Silva. After retiring from fighting he instantly became one of the top color commentators on UFC broadcasts. He went on to earn an MBA from Northwestern, and now serves as CEO of Hunt Military Communities, the nation’s largest owner of military housing.

Stann is another one of those people who seems to have it all together. Maybe that’s why hearing it from him made it easier for Sonnen to accept that post-fight depression could get to anyone. When I reached out to ask what Stann had said to Sonnen to explain the phenomenon, he had no trouble putting it into words.“When you win, you have this monumental feeling that simply can't be replicated anywhere else in your life,” Stann said. “You had this huge mountain to climb, you do it, it finally happens. And when it's over, you kind of fall into this lull where it’s this dead zone as a fighter. It’s like that until the phone rings and you get your next fight, your next mountain to climb. That can be really tough, especially when a lot of fighters, their life is really different when they're in training camp.”

Training for a UFC fight is an intense, all-consuming process, Stann explained. There’s a date on the calendar and another human being somewhere out there in the world who’s thinking only about beating you up. And you, similarly, are thinking only about him.

For weeks you live that way. A “razor focus,” as Stann put it. Your training regimen and diet are the most important things in your life. All the other stuff you might want to do — take your kids out for ice cream, drink a cold beer, eat a huge meal and fall asleep on the couch — becomes stuff you’ll do later, after the fight. In your mind, that lovely life on the other side of the fight feels like a paradise in waiting. But when you actually get there, Stann explained, mainly what you feel is a sudden absence.“You miss it,” said Stann. “Suddenly there’s a lot of white space in your day, and you don’t really know what to do with it.”And that’s if you win. That’s the best-case scenario. If you lose, you have all that stuff to look forward to plus the despair of professional failure. It’s like any career setback, except this one was broadcast on live TV — and it may or may not come with a free concussion thrown in for good measure.The other part is that, with a win or a loss, everyone you know seems to want to talk to you about your fight. That can get annoying even in victory. In defeat it’s borderline intolerable.

“I remember when I lost to Chael, my barber had an opinion on it,” Stann said. “I had a job at the time, and the people at work would read the articles and tell me what the writers and the journalists had to say about my fight. You can't find people who ask you, ‘Hey how are your kids doing? Drove past your house, looks like you did some work to the front lawn.’ Nobody wants to talk about that. They only ask you about the fight. And man, you could get really caught up where that becomes your identity. Your identity is no longer your character, your family, who you are, your faith. Your identity is the last performance you had in that Octagon.”This is part of why fighting can be like an addiction for many people, Stann said. If you fight and win, you get a high that you can’t get anywhere else in your life, followed by a lull that only encourages you to chase the next high. If you lose, the fall is even more precipitous, and you become convinced that only the high of a win will bring you back up again.It’s this thinking that can be really dangerous, Stann said. His advice to fighters in the throes of this cycle was to remember that fighting is a thing they do, but not the entirety of who they are.“I think that that's really essential,” Stann said. “And it's really the same thing for military veterans. I've seen military veterans go to way darker corners of their mind with regret, with survivor's guilt. When they took that uniform off, they felt like that's what made them who they are. They have to get to a place where they realize it's not, that they can still take all the energy and skills and leadership abilities they gained and apply it to something new.”

Gaining that perspective can be easier said than done. According to Poirier, beginning therapy after his loss to Gaethje helped him put things in the proper focus. It’s how he came to realize that fighting could be a job, but might ultimately leave him unfulfilled as a totalizing identity.“I think it’s important to like, open up and talk about how you feel,” Poirier said. “You know, we’re such in the spotlight of being tough guys all the time, but we’re people too. That’s the part of the mindset, like, Dustin the fighter. But what about Dustin? What about me?”Because when the fighting is done, then it’s only the person left. And eventually, no matter how many fights you win or how much money you make, everyone has to take off the gloves for the last time.

[littlegeecko]

Company.

3k+ words | Clint / Kudzu Téngwàn | Echo: Visual Novel (2019)

Trigger warning for:

Sorta there Asphixiation experience, mentions of Brian

---

Summary:

Clint has a nightmare, then takes a moment to think about his life up to this point, and what he wanna do with it now that he's living with Kud

(Takes place after Jenna's good ending, i fill up some spaces here and there to explain their presence)

Enjoy : ]

---------

Clint POV

---------

I open my eyes.

I'm sitting on the ground, i know because there's dry dirt under my paws, but for some reason i don’t even question how i got here.

It's dark, so dark i can't make out where i am without squinting my eyes more than i usually do. I can hear the wind shaking nearby trees with a hollow whistle, it reminds me a bit of a train’s horn.

It feels like my body weighs a fuckton, my head and neck heavy and sluggish as i move them

My eyes barely adjust as i look up, to the sky, or what i assume it's the sky. It's red like blood, and some stars adorn it

Usually my vision is not that bad at night, it must be really late with no moon for it to looks this way, and so far i knew, the sky shouldn't be red...

I'm sitting in the middle of a....forest? Alone, with nothing but the sounds of nature around me and a ghostly sensation of familiarity that makes my shoulders relax. I say nothing

Deep breath in, and another out...

Branches crackle and grind together in the distance, that hollow whistle again

Breath in...breath out...

It's familiar, like a distant memory of something i can't exactly make out right now, but it sorta reminds me of that one time i followed Duke to the forest area because i was bored without Jeremy.

Duke got very angry, hissing at me in a hushed yell while looking around, then dragging me back to the entrance of the forest by the arm

Then he stood there, watching me go up the road as if making sure i was far enough to make his way back into the lush

I blink slowly. Before i close my eyes fully

Duke...i wonder where is he now.

I take another breath, but this time there's a pressure in my neck right under my Adam's apple, i get my hands up to my throat, almost a reflex

I feel something ragged, prickly and firm that scratches my paw pads like a cactus; rope.

A noose.

My eyes fly open as my ears go down.

No.

Please no.

I gasp, and suddenly i'm standing, my paws barely touching the ground and i let out a strangled wheeze, forced out my lungs as i try and grab the noose for some leverage.

I'm hanging, but i'm not hanging. Its a loop of panic and relief that lasts too short each time, everytime, my desperate breaths ending in shaky coughing

I try to weigh myself down bending my knees to no avail, letting out a whine of exertion and pain as the noose grazes my neck and leaves behind that prickling sensation again. It's strangely numb, but the pressure it's all the same.

It's stabbing me, it hates me.

 There's beads of hot blood going down my collarbone, i can feel them, i'm briefly reminded of the little cross figurine that catboy had around his neck, for some reason

I look around as i breath too fast, expecting to see something, anything that could help me get out of here, but there's only darkness.

I try to keep my whines and groans low, still trying to bend my knees. My furless tail swishing side to side as frantically as me. I hear a branch snap in the distance and-

My blood runs cold when i see it.

Standing there. A huge shadow.

It walks towards me

It's face's obscured, but it's someone huge, towering over me. It's holding something.

I can't make it out in this darkness, but its all so familiar, realization hitting me as my throat closes in around a soft squeak of absolute terror

I freeze on the spot, my hands holding onto the noose like my life depends of it as more wounds open in my pawpads, my heart hammering in my chest and filling my ears until it’s all i can hear

It breaks through the noise, i hear a snort and a high-pitched giggle that melts into a distorted, disturbing laughter, i swear i can hear static laced into it. All of my fur stands on end and i feel my neck veins bulge under the strain, i feel like there's a rock inside my throat, about to make it snap

No...it can't be. It can't be him. He’s back?!

I screw my eyes shut and i scream, with all my might, but no sound comes out.

I open my eyes.

It’s dark, but i can make out the padded ceiling and moonlight coming through a window by my side, as i turn my head to it i feel the surface under me sway ever so slightly, a water bed.

Kudzu's trailer, Kudzu's bed. Right.

I let out a sigh, it's cold outside and no sun is visible, so it must be around 3 or 4 am.

I sit up and stare down at my covered paws in silence. Usually when i dream about...him i wake up hassled and yelling, curled up in a ball by the corner until Kud calms me down with his strange little mouth sounds, but this time it feels...different. i feel empty.

If anything my head is fuzzy, my lips dry, chapped. My fur feels a little damp with sweat, except the zones around my cheeks, those feel wet and i rub my eyes to dry them. My hands are shaking

It's almost dead silent if it wasn't for the occasional chittering of the cicadas outside and the faint noise of a fan somewhere in the trailer.

I look at the curtain that leads to the hallway, cracked open a bit

Without much thinking i stand and get out.

Kudzu's trailer is very fancy and cozy, at least to me; small but organized, colorful and with all the essentials, it can get a little hot but it's really chilly during the night, perfect to curl up in bed and nap. It smells earthy, clean and a bit musky, our smells combined at this point from how long i've been living with him.

“...”

I look at a small calendar on the kitchen counter as a pass by; 2 months.

It been 2 months since me, Jeremy and Kudzu escaped on the “ghost train”, 2 months since some people helped Kud move his trailer out of Echo and into a separated zone in Payton for him to stay for as long he saw necessary, 2 months since some people picked up my sis from back there too.

2 months since i started going clean by force, and Kudzu took me in

Speaking of...

Soft snoring gets my attention from behind me and there he is, laying on the couch with a thin blanket covering him from his belly down, chest rising and falling

I stare openly, i don't feel my face move

Like an invisible force pulling me, i walk up to the couch and stand by his side, looking down

And i just....stare at his sleeping, peaceful face.

The cicadas chitter, like they're singing a song...

Kud seems to be having a good sleep at least, if it wasn't for the occasional shifting around.

I remember the conversation we had last night when he complained about his back being stiff, and i said he could sleep on his bed already, but he refused, the bastard. He said he “wanted to make sure i was comfortable and had some privacy” while i stayed with him, so he went to sleep on the couch, just like every night.

I frown a bit

Kudzu was such a weird dude.

He looked, and acted, like a fucking badass, even if he was so much shorter than me!

...And i've caused him so many problems already, he could easily kick me out and leave me to my luck, specially after all the badmouthing, scratches i've given him at times, and how my nightmare-induced yelling makes his face scrunch up in an expression i didn't like on him.

But he hasn't kicked me out, if anything, he has tried his best to not bother me in particular ways, making me feel “comfy” as much as possible

He was quiet and sensible, soft and honestly kinda girly. He had a new garden and shit, and spoke all firm but tender, especially to me, with a smile an' all, it kinda pisses me off, to be honest. Speaking to me like i'm a stupid pup...

I pout, watching him adjust his head in his sleep

His ear gets caught up under his head and i resist the urge to reach out and fix it for him, i don't want to wake him up, not right now.

...

Sometimes i can't help but wonder what is his fucking problem.

Why is he letting me stay? I'm nothing but a nuisance, a pest, everyone seemed to agree on that. Even Duke did... and even so Duke was kinda nice to me before hell broke loose. Keith was the same... Both of them lost in the void as time went on until i had no one but the gang and...

I ball my hands into shaky fists as i think of him, a lump forming in my throat as i try my best to keep tears from forming in my eyes.

...Duke was...he had his issues, and it was my mistake to follow him around to the forest when i shouldn't have, i know that. And Keith just kinda left, God knows where is he now. Both of them were nice to me but somehow ended up making things more shit than they already were

What makes Kudzu different from them? How do i know he's not going to turn his back on me when i least expect it? Or worse. He could be...scheming something. Something to do with me

I scratch my neck as i feel the fur in my nape stand up. The scars long healed but still sticking out my fur

I bite my lip to not make a noise as my stomach feels suddenly hollow.

It's a scary thought, Keith always said scary thoughts were normal and i could analyze them to get over them. It was a thing Kud said sometimes too, something about healing

Healing...

I look down at my hands, old scars on my wrists barely visible by now, and many more on my fingers, i wiggle them, my nails growing better and no longer chipped  around the edges. I see my tail curling in between my legs and it's so weird to see how fluffy it is now. It's been years since my tail looked this full of fur

Kud reminds me of Keith a bit sometimes, but he's quieter, his moves sharper, physical contact even more limited than Keith had with me.

Keith tried to protect us from the horrors of that shitty town, and failed, leaving us to our own luck... Or maybe Micha was right and he really got killed by... Him.

...could that happen to Kudzu now that i'm around him?

Somehow the pit in my belly felt emptier as i suck in a sharp breath through my nose.

No. I don't want Kudzu to get hurt, specially not for my fault

He's so kind... and he's been so patient with me even when he's visibly tired at times, that i know. I grit my teeth, i'm not fucking stupid, like Micha, Leo and he thinks i am.

He has treated me so well and i haven't done anything for him, what if i do it too late? When he's already in the face of danger cuz of me?

No, i can't let that happen, Kudzu is so cool and good. I don't want him to hate me and leave me like Duke, or to disappear like Keith...

I grip my head fur, pulling at it, and let out a long groan as my yowls pull back in a pained grimace. I wish i could get a hit right now and not think about this difficult shit that made my stomach do flips and my eyes water. It was annoying as fuck, it made me want to break shit, but i can't break any of Kud's shit, obviously.

I hit my head with the flat of my hands, my nails scratching at my thin fur with force as i pull-

"Clint?"

My eyes fly open to find a groggy Kudzu looking up at me, expression concerned as he seems to try make sense of the situation.

"...What are you doing?" His voice is firm, but not accusatory, he seems legitimately curious, worried even.

The sensation in my stomach is replaced by the beating of my heart just like in my dream, it quickened at some point apparently, but it's not super loud, it's more like when you get caught doing something you shouldn't. Embarrassment

I slowly pull my hand away from my head as my body relaxes...

I open and close my mouth, my tongue grazing over a missing spot between my teeth.

"...Couldn't sleep"

I say simply, albeit a bit shaky. He notices, he always does

Kud visibly relaxes with a strained side grin, groaning as he slowly sits up and rolls his shoulders. He rubs his eyes

"Another nightmare?"

I nod. He looks up at me.

"Want to talk about it?"

I shake my head no

"Very well" he adds, sitting up completely with a soft hiss, his hand rubbing his lower back

I stand there staring then blink in realization, both that i'm just there ogling like an idiot just playing with my thumbs and that this is a good chance to do something for him for a change. I clear my throat

"Do you want to sleep on your bed?" I ask, trying to keep my voice from wavering. He shakes his head no and i frown

"I told you i'm fine on the couch"

"That's not true" I say quickly

"Clint, i just-"

I growl in annoyance, and before he can give me that same retort from last night i grab him by the wrist, his eyes snapping open as his body tenses up

"Clint!"

I don't let him complain as i yank him up and off the couch, briskly walking to the makeshift bedroom, and he follows, stumbling a bit

He doesn't speak further more than a sigh, and i open the curtains for me to crawl inside and tug his wrist

"Get in" i say, and in a moment of sleepy lucidity he seems to pause as he catches on me also being on the bed

"I know you're trying to be nice but-"

"I'm not fucking asking ya. Get in"

I tug more insistently and this time he does follow, looking to the side as if bashful, but either too tired to fight back or just done with my shit at this point. We both know he's stronger than me, and yet he lets me do this

"You're sleeping here till your back feels better, ya hear? Even if i have to hold ya down"

He actually does chuckle at that as he gets on the wobbly mattress, shuffling about to lay his head on the pillow, and actually letting out a satisfied groan as he comfortably sinks on the bed

He has that smile on his face when his eyes turn up to me, half lidded but focused, and my mouth goes dry all of the sudden

"Well thanks, Clint" he gives me an amused look, and i can't help but think he probably believes i'm too much of a pussy to sleep alone after a nightmare. I don't fight it tho

I do a little 'hmp' in agreement, laying on my side and looking at Kudzu, whose eyes are now closed, nose pointing to the ceiling

...I look at him up and down for a moment, my tail twitches as it sways side to side between the wall and my legs. My ear twitches

Kudzu...Kudzu is really nice. I need to step it up if i'm staying here with him for God knows how long.

I'm no longer a pup or a youngling that needs Duke or Keith to guide me along. I'm on my own shit now, and away from Echo, hopefully forever. Hell even my sis made it out eventually, staying at some place only for girls...

If i'm going to survive out here too might as well get along with the one person that's actively doing something for me, unlike the others, which to be fair? they also have their own shit to deal with

I thin my lips, i sigh and relax my body, scooting a little closer to Kud, hopefully he won't notice.

All of this took my mind off the dream i had, slowly fading into the void just like the rest of em, and i, too, slowly fade into nothingness for the night. After all, Kud will be there when i wake up. I hope.

---------------

Kudzu’s POV

---------------

Light peeks through the blinds of my window as i crack an eye open, groaning at the sun beams directly on my face. I stretch my arms over my head with a groan, then yawn

I remember last night pretty well, specially since it was a dreamless sleep... I rub my eyes as i organize my thoughts and look at the little wall clock beside my pillow

8 am... Still too early for Clint to wake up

Speaking of Clint...

This time i don't have to stand up from the couch and check behind the curtains to see how is he, as right now he's laying beside me...more specifically, on me, his eyes closed and expression serene as soft snores warm the fur on my chest, one arm (and leg) draped over my body.

My chest feels a little tight, position a bit too similar to old memories, but at the same time... it's welcomed, it feels kinda nice. I'll never tell Clint but i actually think he looks a bit cute when in a chill mood, heh...

I smile down at him and make a move to get out of bed, but his grip suddenly gets firm, holding me down and against his thin body with a sleepy grumble, face easing again when i stop my efforts.

I open my mouth to tell him i gotta stand and get ready for the day, but i close it, laying my head back on the pillow with a defeated sigh, i  guess i can stay for 10 more minutes...

My hand absentmindedly goes up to Clint's back and i feel him tense up, then relax, cuddling closer, his thigh over mine

I feel my cheeks get a little warm, but i quickly stifle the twisty feeling in my chest, closing my eyes.

I can already hear Clint saying the position was a total accident when he wakes up, and i can't help but smile a bit.

It's good to have some company.

-----------

:3c

[hyperfocuscentre]

getting a little bit tired of the sirius black victim blaming that comes with the increasing popularity of regulus.

[icewindandboringhorror]

finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh

[crest-of-gautier]

trying to pursue a clear of triumvirate on hlm is such a humbling experience

[magz]

Randoms will add screenshot of tags without alt text, to an otherwise accessible post.

We cut that reblog off.

[solcarow]

orv adaption announcements …………..

[wayfinderships]

hi again, robin :)! i'm here to ask a bit more about your ffxv s/i!

have you ever thought of any in-game interactions they'd have with the other party members?

do panchi, noctis and prompto use any pet names for each other? if so, which ones? do they get to go on any dates during the trip :O?

And I'm happy to answer!! :D

I have thought about interactions between my s/i and Ignis/Gladio! In terms of Dialogue, I don't have anything in particular, i'd need to replay the game ^^" One thing is certain though and that is that both have to be subjected to Panchi's bad puns-

But in terms of dynamics, Panchi really respects Ignis and always calls him by his name instead of "Iggy" because of it. Panchi often helps him out with cooking! ...and trying to persuade Noct to eat his veggies. I'm sure the two have bits of dialogue centered around Noct and his well-being. Noctis aside though, Panchi probably has a few lines of dialogue trying to mimic his accent-afjsnfnd Maybe finding a random ingredient and asking "Hey Ignis! Think you can come up with a new recipe with this?"

As for Gladio, Panchi was kinda intimidated by him at first ngl-agksjfndj He's much bigger and stronger than them so they were pretty nervous. But once Panchi gets to know him better, two also get along pretty well! Gladio absolutely has teased the three of them-afksnf All three have such an obvious crush on each other! How can he not? Also once Panchi realized they've caught Feelings™ for their best friends, Gladio is the first one that Panchi goes to for advice. They've probably learned a pick-up line or two from him and used it on Noct and Prompto-gjdnfjddj

As for petnames for Noct/Prompto/Panchi...Panchi just uses more classic stuff like "Love(s)" and "Dear(s)"! Sometimes they'll call Noct and Prompto "My moon and sun" which I think is pretty sweet! Panchi also likes calling them "My King(s)", they always enjoy seeing how flustered they both get from it (especially if it was before the three got married). For individual ones though, Panchi has always affectionately and playfully refered to Noct as "Prince" since y'know. He's a prince. For Prompto, they sometimes playfully call him a Chocobo-but hey! Chocobos are pretty cute if you ask Panchi! I have a hard time thinking about what Noct and Prompto call Panchi since I get pretty flustered but I do think it'd be cute if they both call Panchi their Star 👉👈

In terms of dates...I guess it depends on which canon we follow? If we follow canon exactly then no bc neither of them are dating (even if they all do have feelings for each other) but the three have wandered on their own a few times either bc Prompto wanted to take a photo or Panchi saw something they wanted to grab or look at for their scrapbook or Noctis saw a perfect finishing spot-okay. Maybe it was more than a few times...But yeah! There is this one time where the three look up at the stars together and get all close..just Guys being Dudes! Just some good ol Bromance! (It was not just a Bromance)

[desceros]

speaking of symphony im gonna take a break from that leo one shot to work on the next chap so. sunday barring bodily injury i'll have the next chapter up!!

[fisheito]

friend fish!!! do you have any super specific headcanons for nucarni you'd want to post about? like from the serious to the silly. im talking from like how did little yakumo deal w humans and snakes hating him and then his grandparents loving him to who are the left handed mfs and who are the right handed mfs. how did kuya handle huey disappearing vs can garukaru wink. i like your brain and i like the very specific little things that come from everyone's brains and just wanted to see if you wanted to post any sillies or seriousies :3

why, friend anon, it seems like You are the one bursting with ideas... if u wish to share with the class i shan't object ohoho

MMM>....UUHHHHH boy ain't it just appropriate that once u hand me the microphone, my mind blanks hmmm........ ............(leaves ask and comes back in several hours)

OH I got one!! yakumo and chickens

s o one day, i wished to draw yakumo holding a chicken. just snekboi holding an absolute buff orpington orb of chicken, because it would be, how u say,... grotesquely adorable, yes??

but before i could, i wondered.. is that possible? do chickens like yakumo? or would they sense his snakeyness and hate him? was it ever discussed in the story?

my immediate thought was of those chickens who get hypnotised into a catatonic state when u draw a straight line in front of them. u know all those gifs of the chickens that just go [plop] with HARD FOCUS on the line? and as soon as line was erased, chicken blinked back into existence/Killer Peck mode?

i remember ppl hypothesising that it was bc the lines reminded them of snakes and the chickens were like shhhhh play ded the snakes will want nothing to do with us.

i can;t remember if they ever actually found the answer to that behaviour. i wish i knew. but i don't. so instead i imagined eiden placing a 🧍‍♂️yakumo horizontally in front of a chicken to see if the trance could be replicated

the whole thing made me think about yakumo's relation to animals, especially farm animals, bc idk if his grandparents ever farmed animals or if it was JUST produce. the story so far seems to say vegebls only but *I* want *FARM ANIMALS* and *YAKUMO* ***toGETHER*(*(***** so we continue the train of thought

yakumo has pulled Princess-Snow-White-shenanigans in the past (Idol Fest). those forest animals didn't have a problem rolling up to yakumo just to listen to him sing. i don't remember if exact animals were mentioned in the story, but i'mma assume it was lil guys like rabbits, birds, rodents, deer. i mean... snakes have been known to share habitats with these guys... so it would make sense for some of them to be scared if yakumo's energy is more snake>human.

but then KUYA??? he's a fox. yet he's got parades of adoring forest worshippers everywhere he goes, regardless of predator/prey status. so maybe the vibe of Yokai overrides whatever trophic chain dynamics are supposed to exist in this world. So instead of EEK! A SNAKE/FOX! the animals be like Yokai=cool nature powerbeing let's hang out ?

but then i wonder if the Yokai Vibe is moderated by Yokai expertise. bc kuya of course has way more experience as yokai... he's more likely to embrace his foxy traits than yakumo with his snakey traits (what is this.... a competition of self acceptance now??).. so maybe the animals all trail after kuya bc of his confidence,,, but would they do the same for yakumo who hasn't yet transcended to that Power Strut Aura?

which relates to childhood yakumo. to surrounding animals, what was his vibe? snakey? human? yokai? did it matter? he mentioned that the other snakes used to bully him .. and that people also used to chase him away... so his vibe was. what? like the king cobra who eats other snakes, and can bite people? at this point, it's not like yakumo has the self-control or self-acceptance to consciously manipulate his outward appearance. his vibe is his vibe.

so, in this unsure, untrained, scared snake-self stage of his life, he still appeared as a Threat to other snakes (and probably other animals that typically fear snakes). i imagine that if i were to introduce yakumo to farm animals at this point, they would react like they saw a potentially dangerous snake. chickens angy. cows might stomp u. goats might eat u

and yet Grandma and Grandpa , like many humans, promptly threw convention out the window and went [lol what threat?? he scared. let's give him some soup]] -> for further proof of ppl being like that, look at. any dangerous creature. cute as heck. i'll fawn over apex predators. angry bear incapable of empathy? deserves my respect. sure i'll share my room with a snake if it looks like it's crying . self-preservation? why would i care about that if i have the chance to make the snake less sad??

i mean, farm animals are domesticated so they're supposed to be pretty chill. i like to think that once yakumo spent more time on the farm with a loving family, his energy became more stable and more human. and surely with daily exposure, those farm animals would acclimate to yakumo's presence. maybe even grow to like him if he takes care of them.

THAT IS TO SAY even if the animals initially shun him or treat him like Danger... they eventually associate his energy with the good times. and yakumo would learn how to act around each specific animal so as not to upset them (just like any good zookeeper!!). As both parties build upon their experiences, the likelihood of positive interaction between yakumo and another animal goes up up 🆙☝!!!

IN THE END, ALL THIS MEANS is that, simply bc i like animals, i'm gonna pretend that yakumo's grandparents also farmed creatures (dang, an undertaking for 2 elderly ppl. i know. but this is gay fantasy isekai). ok, maybe more believably, a neighbour farmed animals and yakumo was the only young'n around to help. and because of all that, yakumo has experience dealing with animals.

according to my made-up timeline (😄) if i drew him at human age ~7, it would make sense if it was a pic of a cow chewing on his hair (being bullied by ungulates. he's crying), or chickens pecking him en masse

and if i drew him getting ALONG with those same animals, it would more likely be a yakumo at human age -- well- older than that. he's got some working experience at that point.

(slams fist on table) SO I CAN JUSTIFIABLY Draw A FLUFFY CHICKEN RESTING HAPPILY IN YAKUMO'S ARMS AND IT COULD BE IN-CHARACTER.

i crave interspecies friendships. humans do nonsensical things to befriend other critters. why can't the chickens override their snake fear for this one special boi. it is what i want to see and i will twistturn canon until i see it.

[eri-pl]

Still watching the lectures. Nobody told me how um... direct? is the "something of Finrod and A-what's-her-name". It is a very, erm, unique text.

[blackstarising]

sowing (getting more men of color as antagonists and or villains in media which is indeed sexy and great) and reaping (fandom primarily associating them with sexual aggression and animalistic traits and not giving them the same emotional and intellectual depth they do for white antagonists for Some Reason)

[spookykestrel]

Hii i love you

[starredforlife]

Jeez, do really so many people say they find you intimidating? Granted, I don't know you irl, and even here through Tumblr I'm just one person who follows you and that's it, but still, to me you always seemed nice? Enthusiastic. Goofy, even. I like your style, it IS masc and #cool, but like... I don't feel like that makes you intimidating. "Nomás sos canchera", to put it in Argentine terms.

Btw I'm just sending this due to your tags on that poll 'cause Ik you have mentioned that before andbI felt like the outsider who doesn't find you mean and intimidating, don't pay that much attention to me 😅

Idk it’s like conversations I’ve had with a couple people recently and it absolutely isn’t all based on appearance BUT that’s part of it that’s been told to me. Not suggested but cited. So!!

However I would say it’s more personality. Ofc on here I’m more fun n goofy bc it’s Star’s Mind Palace. I repost pictures and draw werewolf art and I’m vain and silly in the tags. It’s relatively earnest. When I meet people I’m not like, guarded in a mean dog way, but I put up a front. Most of how I talk comes out as a mask of metered and Sharp jackassery, with a confusing blend of genuine interest in people. I’ll talk to you like I need you to prove yourself to me. But also I want to make sure you feel included. This, I’m learning, terrifies people. Mostly I learned this when I was young bc I had to prove my intelligence constantly, so I emulated that intense scrutiny in conversation, I think, and I work in a v male dominated industry that absolutely hates the gentle approach to conversation (for the record, I do not hate it and respect it immensely. It’s also just not how I naturally work unless I’m in a more vulnerable setting).

It can be summed up by the fact that I shake girl’s hands when I meet them in gay bars. Apparently. That is not. The expected thing to do.

Idk I had a whole paragraph after this but it disappeared. I was saying smthn abt how I was. Working on it. Essentially. I Don’t Care how people perceive me bc I trust my perception first. I’ve always designated it as the other person’s problem if they dislike me. I’m learning how people perceive you matters for specific things. Especially friendships. This is very hard for me to grapple with bc I don’t like when others tell me what to do or how to be, At All.

It’s all in moderation ykwim. I’m not going to give up my confidence or my standards but I will work on trying to not make people feel like they’re cornered into a social pass or fail exam when they first meet me. I am intense and I can’t stand bullshit and sometimes I’m genuinely belittling or judgmental if I’ve decided I don’t like you off the bat (if you have failed the Vic Standards, which are always under deconstruction) and the latter is, in some parts, fun if the other person is a proven asshole. But it’s not really healthy. And I can’t start conversations with earnest intentions that way. So I have to grow. I have to let it matter a little bit.

Sorry, you got like. A Vic psychology breakdown. I’m also intimidating bc I’m great at lying, I speak very professionally, and I respect myself enough to make others feel like they have to do the same. I’m not scared easily and I like making arrogant men feel one step behind me. I maxed out on whatever deck makes you both charismatic and completely unapproachable. You’ll probably never meet me irl but I do think it’s v interesting how im perceived on here and so I appreciate the insight and the question!!

[icewindandboringhorror]

just a few little bits from the past few days

[werewolfetone]

Lying on my bed giggling kicking my legs thinking abt the changes I just made to my oc lore