#So I wouldn't scare people off
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"are you ever like damn why is literally everyone else scared of openly communicating and being direct and truthful and honest"
It's not always that easy.
are you ever like damn why is literally everyone else scared of openly communicating and being direct and truthful and honest
#Because in the past when I was direct and truthful and honest I was 'too much' and scared people away#And when I asked for what I needed I was ignored or told I was asking for something unreasonable#Or their attempt to help was what they thought was best and not what I actually needed#which sometimes made things worse#So I learned to share watered down versions of my thoughts#Or dance around a subject or idea#So I wouldn't scare people off#And to just endure whatever hardships#And find my own coping methods to meet my own needs as best as I could#So that I wouldn't be a burden or inconvenience or seen as unreasonable or too sensitive or too needy#And I'm starting to learn how to ask for help#And say what I think and feel#but it's hard to undo years of learned behavior#Especially when the perceived consequence is derision and abandonment by the people you care about#So it's not that simple#And posts like this might encourage people to speak up and be their true selves#but they simultaneously shame those who don't meet your expectations#And that shame only damages our confidence#and makes it harder to believe that it's safe to trust that people will be kind and understanding
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they are so fucking silly it might be terminal
#made me giggle a little bit. i'm not gonna lie. was a little delighted.#i like when they let them be properly funny!! they're cracking jokes all the time!!#eddie is such a BITCH to people. top ten eddie brock characteristics honestly.#venom makes quips as they battle cause they don't take fuck all seriously but also to bully people a little bit#venom is invested in making sure that they win. but venom is also invested with Messing With People while they have the upper hand#like yeah we COULD just bite that guy's head off. but wouldn't it be more fun if we camouflaged ourself to jump out nd scare him first#all that to say that eddie brock is a little freak. but i'm so glad he's having a good time with everything#2018 eddie brock is so bitchy in my heart and i think that's the way he's meant to be.#disillusioned but not in the way that he stops cracking jokes just that he starts being mean about it#anyway. top ten eddie brock characteristics. muscular. intelligent. bitchy. good journalist. Petrified Of Being Alone. blonde#venomposting#venom#venom: nights of vengeance
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as a jew, seeing what all of these israeli leaders have said is sickening. as a jew, anti-palestinian rhetoric is sickening. as a jew, zionism is sickening.
how dare my people -- a people who've been massacred, ethnically cleansed, dehumanized, forcibly removed, and discriminated on religious grounds for their entire existence -- do the same to another people? how dare we turn our backs on them, when they suffer like we have?
i understand that so much of us have been fed zionist propaganda our entire lives; the same happened to me. i understand the desire for a homeland where we don't have to fear antisemitism at every turn; i want that too. but it doesn't take much thought to understand that a homeland for us, which actively oppresses and kills another people, is antithetical to what we want.
if you, as a member of an oppressed group, believe that your freedom and safety can only exist when you oppress another group, you are acting no better than the people who oppressed you. such a belief is horrible, and cynical, and wrong.
as a jew, i want jewish people to be happy and safe and connected to our heritage; as a jew, i also want other peoples to be happy and safe and connected to their heritage.
don't call the palestinians "amalek". you are turning us into amalek.
doesn't the torah tell us to have empathy for those beaten down by the world? doesn't the torah tell us to make the world a better place? doesn't the torah tell us to free people of their shackles and help them escape oppression?
i have so many israeli aunts and uncles and cousins; i fear for their safety. of course, my parents do as well. i'm worried that this fear, in addition to anything they were led to believe earlier in life, is placing my parents even deeper in the zionist camp. but it doesn't have to be this way! my relatives' safety does not rely on the continued oppression of gaza!
it is easy to be uninformed, to be swayed by propaganda, to blindly hope that israel was founded in good faith -- but we can't lie to ourselves. a world steeped in senseless hatred (which we are now promoting!) could never be a home for us. none of us are free, liberated, equal, until all of us are.
as a jew, to other jews, i implore that we stand with our palestinian siblings. i want us all to be happy and safe. i want us all to live in harmony -- in the holy land and around the world. that is what we all deserve. <3
#melonposting#i apologize for not reblogging/posting much stuff about israel/palestine until now#i kept having this fear that my mom would see and get angry at me#but what do i care? i want both jews and palestinians to be happy#oh yeah. and i keep hearing the argument that 'jews living in the holy land before israel was established weren't treated well'#i don't know if that's true or not... but does it matter?#like of course antisemitism is horrible. but that can be dealt with#forcibly taking over their land is not the answer#like if israel were never a thing and people saw that jews living in the holy land didn't have rights#they'd do something about it!#and if you think they wouldn't (which is a fair thing to think)... well then you should do something about it!!!#don't solve oppression with more oppression you idiot!!!!!#no positive change will ever come to a world which doesn't think positive change can happen#and oppression is not positive change.#and it also pains me how so much of zionist rhetoric feeds off of post-holocaust fear#and i get it. i get that in the mid 20th century we were so scared and angry after the holocaust#and that we desperately wanted a safe haven#i will never not empathize with that fear and rage because it's justified#but that is no excuse to oppress another group of people. there are other ways to be safe and happy i promise#just stop hurting each other... please... you're not helping anyone...#palestine#israel#zionism
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Jason faking his death is funny simply for the heart attack he gave to Bruce. His brothers knew he was faking, but not Bruce (I hope). Make the old man pay for all the time he faked his demise or disappeared without telling anyone.
#jason todd#red hood#batman#bruce wayne#dc comics#my ramblings#I think Jason showing off his acting skill by playing dead in front of Bruce is so fucking funny#he can mess with his dad as a treat#actually he should start doing it everytime Bruce is an asshole that will teach him#Jason: “dad has been mean to me so I'm going to fake my death to remind him that anytime he talks to me could be the last”#“so he should watch his words.”#Bruce would fall for it everytime because he is so anxious about them dying 24/7#people are so mad calm down you scared yourself with leaked panels and now that you know it was fake for just a couple of page#you're angry at the writer you wouldn't have been through all these emotions if you didn’t spoil yourself calm down#it would be a writing sin if they make it last until the next issue but they didn’t and it also was a very unbelievable death from 1 punch#dc has done way worse
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The Dandy with his Hand on his chest
I wanted to do a big piece before the month ended and I had been thinking on drawing a study of "The Nobleman with his Hand on his Chest" by El Greco with Slayer for a good while, because I adore that painting and believe it fits him, since it has a mysterious yet noble aura to me. Very dandy!
I love Slayer's Rev2 Color 4, so I got really happy when it returned as Color 10 in Strive, now with a very stylish nail polish, too.
#ok I'm attempting to keep my kilometric rambles in the tags instead of the post to not scare away people so keep reading if you want#slayer#guilty gear#guilty gear strive#guilty gear fanart#art tag2b named#before this painting I wouldn't have counted the og painting as one of my favs but now I do#I remember first seeing it in an artbook as a kid in which it was described as dismal and that actually scared me lol. It impacted me a lot#for a painting.. nowadays I feel it's awesome but again I still find it to have a bit of a mysterious aura. I hope this doesn't come off as#me going “I don't get this artwork so oooh it's scary!” but me thinking it has an aura that captivates your imagination#that being said I DID want MY version to be a bit unnerving or spooky because. color 10 slayer come on! I hope it worked#tried to do proper more complex lighting this time. I learnt a lot.. I def made the face's more dramatic but couldn't get the rest to look#the same plus I kinda like the face's contrasting with the rest of the lighting. also I do enjoy the end result of the body lighting#slayer's face is so tough.. that alone took me three days#idk what was going on w the background. it's a bit similar to my hos/ab.a pic's but fair enough#one day I'll learn to make complex detailed backgrounds. not today. it kind of came out like sm64d.s character portraits which could be a#bit unsettling for young me so it just works#sorry I enjoyed drawing this a lot so I have a lot of thoughts about it. thank you if you read. hope you enjoy the drawing :)#eye contact
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the imposter syndrome i feel every time i even slightly think i might be autistic is insane, specially for a person who highly relates to the lived experiences of people who are professionally diagnosed.
Like I was just watching this one youtuber, and she was talking about very specific examples in her life and childhood where she saw autistic traits that made her realize she was autistic and then seek a diagnosis and then get one, and everything she was saying was like she was describing my life! But yeah no, I can't be autistic tho
#and one thing that has been filling me with dread (as if it was relevant lol) is the idea of seeking a diagnosis and#either not geting it because it's already so hard to find a diagnosis for '''''''women''''''' (afabs)#and that will make me doubt myself even more! but most importantly those around me who already don't believe me#but also i'm very scared about this one thing in particular which is the talking to your parents portion of the diagnosis#where the therapist will want to talk to people who knew me as a child... and that person will have to be my mom#and i'm pretty sure she will dismiss most signs. like she would either not bring them up because ''they're normal''#or play them as less important than they were#or maybe she didn't even notice them! because most of my struggles are internal!#things like being bullied or having no friends or liking a routine#idk if she'll be able to talk about all those#because my bullying wasn't violent it was mostly dismissive#my ''friends'' weren't really friends like i didn't CARE for them as maybe someone would have#and also they would leave me for no reason at all out of the blue... so i don't think even THEY considered ME a friend#and liking routine i guess she could say i prefered it but she doesn't know to the extent i hated going off it#i'm sure she forgot about the time i cried (as a 10 year old so not THAT young) because they made us change classroom#and i didn't know that was gonna happen... it was added to the anxiety that i thought my mother wouldn't be able to find me#but like the unknown classroom traumatized me (to this day i get anxious just thinking about that)#like... all those things i don't think she would bring up (if she could even) and i fear that will make me not get a diagnosis#not that this is a thing that's gonna happen cause as i established i cannot afford a therapist nor i'll ever get a diagnosis i don't think#so like it's not relevant#but i am anxious about it nonetheless#angel talks#personal#idk what's my point with this post btw i'm just venting and creaming to the void#dkfjhgdfg
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You got isekai'd into SYSTEMA. What now.
Be amazed.
Remember I spawned into the "everything sucks" world.
Break down and cry.
Consider death as an escape.
Summon the global chaos by leaking insider secrets that could make about 200 new conspiracy theories.
Hope that Sera's conspirator ass tries to find me before one of the hits get me first.
Ending 1: I get sniped.
Ending 2: I get jumped.
Ending 3: I get kidnapped.
Ending 4:
Ending 200: It worked! Sera insults me. I cry from both the height she's holding me at and the insult respectively. She tells me to quit sobbing so I weep in incognito mode.
Make it into the Manumission. Wipe my face. Contemplate death again.
Get interrogated.
Get welcomed in! (I am still under close observation)
Quietly fangirl about my characters in 4k then feel incredibly weird about how much I know.
Get interrogated again.
I know that Nathaniel knows that I know but he doesn't know how much I know until I make it known that I know that he knows.
Consider death as- oh. He heard that too.
Literally everyone freaks me out for different reasons. I hang out with Sonia. She calls me fat. I still like you Sonia.
Live in the manumission under witness/informant protection and try not to die.
#devarambles#i can't do shit in this world let's be honest#i'd just be a regular person#who can magically draw everyone with perfect detail (to them)#I'd at least know what's going on with everything. That foresight would save them from like... 60% of what goes down#I'd never be able to get along with Vincent. I do not have the rubber skin nor the emotional security + he would scare me to high heaven#Fucker looks like a spooked horse and he's tall NUH UH i'm not havin it. I'd maybe help him behind the scenes though. Stroke his ego a lil.#I could not be around Nate I'm sorry I'd avoid him. The fear of being known is real.#People can deal with him because nobody knows that he's intimately familiar with the core of their personalities and thats why he won't say#but I just know that this asshole can hear me thinking about how orange juice should be in cereal. I KNOW what he would think. SO NO. NO.#Uh.. What else... Sera? I don't think I have what it takes to bore through that shell of hers. Her personality is incredibly strong.#And only people like Nathaniel Sonia and Eric can get through because they're both perservering and self-assured. I don't fw distant ppl#I wouldn't chase her and she wouldn't seek me. No friendship just acquaintances type beat#Amon is cool but I don't know how I'd feel around him knowing his story. It's like hanging out with Rodtang. But he's hot. ough#Eric is cool but I know that this guy is super smart and he's a bit too silly. I'd end up telling him one too many secrets without realizin#Strohl is a genius and he'd find me really dumb and unprofessional which honestly I get. He's also just not my type of company#Which brings me back to Sonia. We'd get along. I'd be able to brush off her comments and she'd vibe with me. She'd get me good clothes too.#So that's that that's everything yay gwenchana gwenchana#ark_systema
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The argument for guilty/unforgiven Amane is not just to prevent her from hurting Shidou.
Sorry (。•́︿•̀。) I really don't intend to change your vote or anything, but it's been stressing me out that some people seem to believe that's it with our argument.
Amane has "warned" Mahiru, which to me reads like a threat. Even if she couldn't actually kill Shidou, Mahiru here who is an easy target, who can't move properly, could easily be hurt or killed by her.
And on the other hand Amane doesn't have to kill Shidou, she just has to hurt him, and that could honestly be easy with a surprise and quick attack. She could incapacitate him and prevent him from giving health care to others. And this is important because Haruka is gonna try to kill himself, and he's gonna need urgent care afterwards.
And I've got a feeling some way or another we are gonna get some more people harmed in between t2 and t3.
So yeah we care about Shidou, but we care more about him being the only doctor and what that means to the others. That's why I posted this whole trial feeling like the trolley problem lol.
(there is also the argument that worries me the most that is Amane trying to convert Fuuta, but that's another post that someone else already made)
I love Amane and I honestly don't see her killing her abuser as something wrong, but she sees her murder as something supported by the cult. So I believe neither verdicts will be good for her, I feel since she got voted guilty on t1 she was doomed. But either way whether she ends up forgiven or unforgiven, I'll still be excited to see what happens next. I just don't like people missinterpreting our arguments.
So whether you are an inno or a guilty voter, don't forget to vote <3 and hope you all have a good day
#when i finished watching her mv i yelled 'YOU GO GIRL' it was 4am on a weekday#i just needed to get it off my chest because its something that stresses me out way too much. people missinterpreting what im saying#also amane reminds me of myself when i was her age? and that's really concerning#also i was gonna put the letters in red but when i saw it it felt to aggressive and i started panicking. i so dont want to offend anyone#milgram#amane momose#shidou kirisaki#mahiru shiina#tw abuse#tw cult#tw suicide#i am panicking as im typing this because im so scared of making someone upset. i wouldn't post it but idk why it stresses me out so much#when i feel like i cant get my point across properly and that has made me overexplain myself for years... sigh... here goes nothing i guess
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grown ass woman and you didn't even know Rhodesia? Please pray some Paradox Interactive games like eu4 or hoi4. look it up. Please this is depressing if even weird smart girls don't know basic history
hey guys. get a load of this fucking moron.
#mad i'm not your red scare coquette who knows about rhodesia huh. your weird smart girl manic pixie dream girl fantasy#i'm a high school dropout from rural fucking new hampshire in the US you useless fucking piece of shit.#like unfortunately you caught me in a worse mood than usual but get so fucking close right now. get so fucking close#girls who look up countries and terms they havent heard of before to understand posts >>>>> girls who know about rhodesia and send this ask#ooooh i wouldn't be this pissed off if you hadn't called me a weird smart girl like you're trying to pretend you respect me but waow#god fucking forbid i admit what i don't know and that i looked stuff up to learn. which i did on purpose.#because plenty of other people don't know stuff and are afraid to admit that they look stuff up to learn.#and i prefer to be someone that others are comfortable around. who makes other people feel more comfortable being imperfect#that's too much for you i guess.#shouldn't even respond to anons like this but i really want to get some strong hatred for you manifesting#everyone who reads this think really hard about anon dying in a fire#or just stepping on a lot of legos if you're a gentler soul#replies
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My cat just ran outside while I was taking my dog out to the bathroom, refuses to come back while calling her and shaking food at her. Actively runs in the opposite direction. And ofc someone broke the laser pointer I keep on my keys so I can't trick her back into the apartment. I'm so pissed that shit broke off, all my other crappy keychains are still attached. The laser was how I got her back last time she escaped but she'd only taken a few steps out and I was able to snatch her.
And I'm not supposed to have her so I can't even notify the apartment complex a cat is missing 😐 guess she's an outdoor cat now :/
#she chose a really bad time to run away#i already searched and tried to get her back for an hour#I'm dead to the world after 3.5 straight weeks of 12-13 hour shifts#i feel bad not caring but she made her choice. she wants to go back to being a street cat 🤷🏽♀���#she's spayed so i feel even less guilty if she doesn't come back bc shes not adding to the population problem#i'll miss her but if she doesnt want to be caught she wont be#the only reason she got picked off the street in the first place is bc she got stuck in an engine#any tips or tricks people suggest I've already tried them. shes not scared or lost. she actively does not want to come back#this cat is ridiculously food motivated and she still wouldn't come back as i shook the food bag and poured some in her bowl#if she comes back at all I'll be surprised#she's lived on the street she's not an indoor only princess cat who will realize it sucks outside. i know shes not gonna come back#I don't 'not care' really. honestly I'm furious she slipped out past me.#but atm i literally have 0 energy left. work has broken me. if she comes back hooray. if she doesn't wtf am I supposed to do#i don't have money for traps and if she doesn't want to be caught she won't#i just hope she sticks to residential areas :/#i just don't know what else to really do if I've done everything i can in my power to get her back
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christ it hits me a lot how shit I was treated by lull and how much I thought that was normal. Lev set up a study room in my house, and... he said I can come in because I was sort of obviously asking the question without even knowing I was asking, like I wanted to ask the question but knew it'd be a no. Why did I know itd be a no? Well a study space is a serious space for actual academic and general people who do work to use, full of books and journals that both aren't my business and will be easily messed up if I touch them, and there's no reason for me to be in there anyway because I don't do work, a study is only a space for normal people and not people who mess everything up and - how do i know this? Oh I mean because lull - yeah
#It drives me up the wall how lull constantly pulled ''Black is abusive and that's why I'm fucked up and if he tells me off it's actually#abuse'' when like. Lull was out there hunting down Black's lives and Black just goes ''oh fuck I trust you idk why you'd lie about#something serious like that I guess I AM abusive'' lull is the abuse in the room with us now. or is it that I touched your books#and messed up the cleanliness of the desk and now you're having a minor breakdown because I ruined your image in front of others#It was literally just a fucking cover because lull did fucked up things and when Black went hold on. Did you do that? Lull would be like#No and you're so fucking mean to me you're horrible you're fucking abusive you're controlling you're -#One of us is here trying to live and give you both space and everything we have. The other one... Is trying to literally get in bed#and marry unknowing unawakened lives of the other before they can wake up to who they are and grooming and manipulating#and fucking them up. Bruh. You wouldn't let me do things like be an equal to you and go near you stuff without mental punishment#and I said oh god OK I'm sorry. I won't do that. And yet somehow I'm abusive and controlling and... I mean I said it already that was a#cover. it wasn't meant to make sense lmfao it was a specific tactic tailor made for us like all the tactics are tailor made for each victim#But anyway. Seriously. I'm scared to go into Lev's study. I'm standing in here anyway bc I need to get over it but like#It's wild to me - oh. I was sitting asking why I'm so trained about not going near his study like ''man why this though why#was this such a bad thing to do when it's not that serious'' because /all his fucking notes and diaries and records of the fucked up shit#he was up to/. I wasn't allowed to see his books and records on manipulation#The fuckin Dossiers he kept detailing specific manipulation tactics and experiments done on people's results and shit#I wasn't allowed to see all the papers and shit he had on psychological torture and shit#Bruh. It always makes sense in the fucking end doesn't it#ramblings //#astral diary //#Diary //
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guys it's 2023 happy 2023 ❗❗❗❗❗❗❗💥💥💥🙌🙌🙌 2023 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ok real talk im gonna ramble here a bit#bc the past year has been so fucking wild bc that was the year where i met new folks n got the courage#to leave a shitty fucking relationship i could not get myself to cut off for so long. for GOOD#i have gotten myself n my sense of self after. though myself had come back different bc i had changed so much#my interests now compared to from the start of that year changed so much#im just glad i finally was able to meet more new folks n end up being in a whole friend group like i've always wanted to for so long#bc otherwise i wouldn't have been holding up as super well after that final scare of the year from said shitty situation#i would've still been left wishing i was genuinely cared abt & wanting to feel close to what being human to people would be like#ceph.txt
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was supposed to do the cursed "Baltic Princess to New Year's eve concert" combo, but instead i'm sitting on my in-laws' couch, hopped up on painkillers watching the concert on tv so.
despite the fact that i'm overall a very emotionally constipated individual, the year is changing so i can make one (1) sappy-ish post
2023 has been a shitshow, mostly. on many levels, not a year i would like to relive.
but the Käärijä part is something i would relive in a heartbeat if i got the chance. So many concerts bringing little sparks of light to a lousy existence. finding the joy in writing again after a long while. some unforgettable moments with the dude himself and the crew.
and most of all the people. have found some gems into my life through this fandom and i am just. very grateful.
so thankyou for all the love for my fics and thankyou for making this shit year a bit more bearable. see ya in the new year
#indeed not the way i had planned to spend tonight#but at least i'm not freezing my balls off out there#but anyways#i love my people a lot and i don't say it a lot#so here you go#if i had known 'Midsummer' wpuld bring this many great people to my life#i wouldn't have been so scared to post it lol#happy new year to you all#PuppetMaster out#käärijä#puppetmaster talks
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Seeing mutual talk abt Halloween has me think about what couple costume me and Mojo would do...
#ehehe 💖#honestly im not that original so... a classic vampire thing would be pretty hot -w-#i mean. cool thatd be cool ahaha#.... nah ykw i said what i said 💖💖💖#i bet he wouldn't even wanna participate until i convince him tho 💖💖💖#OMG MAYBE WE COULD DO A HAUNTED HOUSE THING THATD BE SO FUNNNNNNN#im sure he'd enjoy the principle of scaring the heck outta people >:3 and it also gets me off the hook of getting spooked by him <_<#lol well either way ive still got a couple months to think abt it >w<#ruby rambles
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Thinking midnight thoughts.
Thinking I want to go back in time and punch both of my sisters in the face for telling me I was going to die alone at the age of 13 because I wasn't the kind of girl that boys liked.
#it was admittedly a few more things than just that#im just thinking tonight about all the jokes made at my expense#through middle and high school#that i know for a fact neither of them remember#and im still pretty mad about it as an adult#so much of my 20s has been unlearning terrible habits but even more than that#its been trying to convince myself that im not completely unlovable as a person#which is a significantly harder prospect#but god if ever try and actually date i know i have to you know? i have to love myself enough#to set boundaries and not shrink myself and turn off people pleaser npc mode#or else i will die alone you know?#i cant be scared of opening up forever#im not going anywhere with this its just midnight and i am retroactively very mad#my best friend who had to put up with me through covid and one of the top 3 depressive episodes of my life#wouldn't ever say that to me#but heaven forbid i was undiagnosed and mentally ill between the ages of 12-16
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