#So I mostly just cry and bite myself a lot or whatever

[corset]

I realized I have been having more of the variety of stress dream where in the dream I have an Extreme Autistic Meltdown. Like a very very bad meltdown where I am just shrieking and hurting myself and throwing things and I feel like I am literally about to die and then I wake up shaking with a headache and basically I think masking and not having my needs met and feeling alienated constantly in my daily life is starting to have some Effects. hahaha.

[phagodyke]

one unfortunate thing abt watching bloody violent up-close-and-personal movies is that it makes me even more crazy touchstarved than usual after.. I need to wrestle someone NOW

[satyricplotter]

NSFW Alphabet — Dick Grayson, Jason Todd and Tim Drake

Be warned, I wrote this for myself but it got so long I was like, I gotta publish this, so a lot of the language is raunchy and joking. It's not polished whatsoever. It is also very fitted to my tastes, which isn't necessarily what I'd do for a story. Use of the second person, reader as gender neutral as I could, but I refer to a variety of scenarios with different genitalia.

WC: 6.7k

Triggers and tags discussed or mentioned: body image, biting, breeding, dubcon, noncon, cnc, mutual noncon, sexual assault (as a different category and a reference to Dick's canon) somnophilia, breath play, watersports, scat, blood, bondage, BDSM in general, pegging (implied), dildos, vibrators, toys in general, sensory deprivation, crying, crossdressing, porn, hentai, anal, PIV, cunnilingus, whatever the proper term for sucking dick is, cum, demeaning terms (cum dump, specifically), fingering, masturbation, exhibitionism, voyeurism, age play, pregnancy and birth control, thigh fucking, frottage, edging, cumming in pants... maybe more. I am tired of listing things. Simply beware.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Dick: somehow I don't think he has much time for aftercare. To me this dude always seems a little on the go and distracted by other things. Like, half the sex you have with him is quickies where upon his departure you gotta tidy yourself up, or they're hours long affairs with few breaks to think about moving. In these latter instances, he takes a long, long time to stand up and get moving after you're done. I think he's always secretly waiting for another last round even when it's clear you're both tapped out. He stays in bed and cuddles, uncaring for the drying substances on either of you. Most often he just kisses you, slow and tender, as he holds you. Eventually you gotta kick him out of bed and clean yourself up and then he's rushing to help you.

Jason: my man is methodical. This is His Job and he has His Way to do it. He keeps his bed crisp, towels at hand, water nearby etc etc. He's always the one to wipe you down, straighten you up if there's still clothes involved. You always whine you wanna cuddle a bit and he's like no. You'll get an UTI. Go pee. We'll cuddle after. And you shuffle sadly to the bathroom. The sheets are new when you come back. He dislikes being rushed and not being able to tidy, so you gotta be very strategic when you know you won't end up in bed.

Tim: Tim's a baby. Tim's the one you gotta clean up, the one you gotta lay down and tell him to stay put. He's very bad with being in the moment if he's got something else going on, so you gotta keep all electronics away from him. Mostly you gather him in your arms and run his fingers through his hair, while he absently traces circles on your skin, and then nods off eventually.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Dick: I think Dick really likes his forearms! A dark horse, of course, considering the stellar butt, but that seems to be a little of a sour point. I think he loves his figure in general, and the graceful line of it. For his partners, I'm thinking the waist to hip area—the tummy essentially, but also the lower back. He loooves to sling an arm around your waist and squeeze, loves to nip at the lower belly, loves a good pinch. He just likes grabbing. The sides of your thighs are always marked with his fingers.

Jason: man's an ass guy. He loves to watch that shit bounce. You can't miss with the bending over. He's behind you immediately, a hand on your hip like hey... As for himself, genuinely I think he likes his hands. They've gone through a lot. You can tell they're pretty banged up. But he's a maker, a fiddler—he builds his gadgets, he pulls the trigger. He's so into precision, I think he appreciates them a lot for the tools they can be. And his fingers pumping in and out of you are never a bad sight.

Tim: He's a cop out and would say brain. He likes his eyes best, I think. He doesn't strike me as the type of man who fixates on any part of his body but rather takes it in as a whole, and as such finds it difficult to like, separate it into pieces unless it's for a specific purpose. Oh, maybe his calves. They're nicely shaped. But his eyes are very pretty and he knows they're charming. As for you, he likes tits (big, small, pecs, etc). Just the chest area in general. Big fan of a nipple. Will suck and bite and twist until you squirm. If you're not sensitive, you simply haven't met him. He'll pavlov your nipples to harden upon seeing him and then smile evilly when you complain. A low cut anything is a direct challenge and he will take it.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Dick: nothing will stop this man from coming inside eventually. He'll wear you down talking about how good it will feel to fill you up, or you will eventually come to beg him for it and he'll take the opportunity with no complaint. If you can get pregnant, keep that birth control schedule TIGHT. Nothing he loves more than watching cum dribble out of you. Loves to stuff you with it, loves to rub it over your entrance, loves to watch it squelch as he goes back in to pump you full of more.

Jason: actually very normal about it. He doesn't believe in pulling out, so he wears a condom and disposes of it safely. He does love to cum on your face. That's very much a thing. It's a relatively safe thing to do, and he likes it a lot when you try to catch it all with your mouth but it ends up dripping off your cheek. When your eyelashes are sticky with it—ooh. He knows it hurts if it gets on your eyes, and he apologizes while he wipes it off, but he's already semi hard again so you can't quite believe him.

Tim: if he's topping, he's pretty normal about it. Doesn't feel any type of way about his own cum, though he kinda likes it when you mix it with your own and feed it to him, but that's mostly because he loves your fingers in his mouth. If you're topping (and if you can cum from that inside him), he's suddenly the nation's number one cump dump. Stuff my man up. He can take it. Ooh, he wants to take it. He really, really wants you to blow a load inside him. A lot of the times, it's the feeling of being filled up that has him coming himself.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Dick: he's, like, very into somno, but he hates to bring it up first. The thing with Dick is that he's so good at denying himself things he doesn't care about but the minute he really, really wants something, he struggles real hard not to go get it. And he really wants that pussy (gn). He's the king of guilty fucking. I honestly think he likes being a little ashamed of what he's doing, like it just... Brings flavour to the table. But he's an Upstanding Citizen so while he looks at your ass while you're asleep and imagines what it'd be like if he could just roll your pants down a little and rub the head of his dick against your entrance, he will not speak a word until you bring it up or you find him jerking off over you at the thought of it.

Jason: easiest man to get to sub for you. Doesn't look like it, doesn't wanna admit it, but you get him at the right moment? Oooh baby. He's so easy to unravel, blushing to the tips of his ears and wet all over. You can literally do whatever you like with him in that state. He bounces off your cock (gn) so pretty, though he doesn't enjoy bottoming regularly.

Tim: mfing stalker. He takes pictures of you all the fucking time. You don't know the half of it. And he jacks off to the weirdest shit because it's not so much about how you look in that picture, but the idea of your innocence being corrupted (so corny) (you'd look at it and be like, tim, I can take nudes, you know, you don't have to masturbate to a blurry panty shot taken under the dinner table, you can't even see shit).

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Dick: this is dick grayson we're talking about. Be real. He's been around. He knows his way around the human (and alien, shoutout to my baby Kori) body. Nine out of ten times, he's the most experienced person in the relationship. And not only does he know what he's doing , he's good at it.

Jason: there's about three universes or so where Jason's not a virgin when he meets you. The rest of them my boy's simply too fucked up and/or busy for love, so he just... Doesn't. It doesn't seem to me like having sex was a priority to him, and while I think he regularly gets propositioned, he's the type of dude that just blinks at you until you slink away in shame, so he simply doesn't get laid until he's in a relationship. At most he's fucked two people before he fucks you.

Tim: this is dick grayson 2.0. he pulled steph, he pulled kon, he pulled bernard. He has by far the widest breadth of knowledge about sex, although most of it doesn't come from first hand experience. He hasn't had that much freaky sex, but he knows plenty about it. He's very adventurous.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Dick: oh, eugh, this man think you're a contortionist. He thinks you guys are equals. It doesn't matter how much you tell him he's far more flexible than you, he loves twisting you up into the weirdest positions in the book, and you know what? He's right. You do feel him so much more with your leg up in space and the other one around his ankle.

Jason: doggy. Again, my man loves to watch it jiggle.

Tim: he loves being ridden. Just infatuated with the sight of his cock leaving and breaching your entrance, and your thighs quivering, and how it all gets so wet. I think he'd be more partial to the cowgirl/boy than the reverse bc tits, but yk. Loves to watch you go.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Dick: He's sooooo into getting a laugh out of you with a stupid joke so he can ram into you and watch it catch on your throat. Thinks it's grand. He's the goofiest of them all, but he likes to make you laugh, and doesn't entertain your attempts to be funny. There's only one clown in this bed ☝️ So annoying.

Jason: he can be giggly at the beginning, like laughing into your mouth, but once he gets going, he's pretty serious about it. Not withdrawn, but he doesn't want to joke or, like, have a conversation. He's just laser focused on getting you both off.

Tim: he's alright on the jokes, doesn't particularly bring it to the bedroom. He's a little snappy, but not keen on super goofing around? Rather, I think you'd wanna make him laugh, just to get him to relax, and he'd roll his eyes and scoff but smirk a little. (I'm rlly picturing this with kon rn lmao)

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Dick: he's got himself trimmed and pretty! I think he just cares about looking good. Not his main concern in life, but, you know.

Jason: he's kinda got to groom himself bc I headcanon that the pit let him some after effects so his nails and hair grows really fast. He doesn't like it, finds it a real chore, but it's like a real bush if he lets it go untamed. And he does it himself, of course.

Tim: I don't think Tim concerns himself much with that, but I also don't think he really needs it. He's the type not to grow that much hair anyway.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Dick: he is so romantic. He's the type to whisper things he doesn't mean, not because he's trying to gaslight you into thinking he has feelings, but because he gets caught up in the heat of the moment and also believes those things should be said. He's soft and coaxing, even when he gets mean, and he's very into small gestures in the sense that he holds your hand when you're going to come, he presses a kiss to your temple. Just loving, I guess, even if he doesn't, like, love you.

Jason: he is unbelievably, unbearably intense. You will not be able to shake him off, emotionally speaking. Even when he's trying not to be intense, he can't help it. There is always so much weight and deliberation to his touch. Under his fingers, you feel the skin of your body bloom with heat. And the eyes. Never stops looking. So sharp and heady. You can't look at him for you, but he forces you to look into his eyes when you're about to come, grabs your chin if you don't wanna.

Tim: it depends on how he feels about you. If it's casual sex, he is very casual about it. He's not one to make promises if they can be used against him lol but if he likes you... You can see the saw trap plans he's concocting in his mind to never get you off his dick again just coming alive in his eyes.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Dick: My take is that dick is so funny about this because he so absurdly prefers coming inside you or fucking your thighs or your tits that whenever he can't and has to resort to jacking off, he's kind of churlish about it? Like right at the beginning when he's just starting, you'd just see him pouting with a hand caressing his shaft almost disinterestedly. He's so funny. Then he gets going and comes and is like oh that was a nice experience actually.

Jason: When he begins to jack off while thinking about you, he's ashamed about it for the longest time. It's not the act itself that brings him embarrassment, but the fact that he used to do it kind of perfunctorily, like just... body upkeep, or whatever. A little impatient with it even, just to get it over with. And he didn't think about anyone in particular, just flashes of the stuff he was supposed to think about. Then one day, after he meets you, he's just going at it as usual and the image of you pops into his head. And he can't stop thinking about it. The question of what you look like, how you'd feel under his hands, how you'd sound—it consumes him. When he thinks about you looking at him slouched over his couch, smiling at him and kneeling between his legs, your eyes fixed on him as you offer to help and take him into your mouth—oof. He's never come so much in his life.

Tim: he is so so hot about it. He doesn't think about it that much and is the type to neglect his dick for ages until he has free time and suddenly he has to unleash two weeks worth of cum upon you. So he starts fisting his dick, shuddering at the feeling of finally getting some release, and thinks, I should share this, and starts recording, but because he is evil, he doesn't let you see. He places the phone on his desk (because he's STILL working, he just couldn't hold it any longer), and begins jacking off under his shirt. So you only see his flushed cheeks, the hair covering his eyes, and the way the wet spot on the fabric grows larger and larger as he goes. Near the end that thing's so transparent and sticky you can almost see the angry red head every time it pushes against the fabric—and then he splutters against the fabric with a cry of your name and doesn't even let it dry before he winks at the camera and cuts the video, just as he's going to lift the shirt. Evil.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Dick: well, I already said somno and breeding (I don't think he's into it for the children, like, seriously. Like if you can get pregnant and do, it's not going to be a nice surprise. He'll ride it out! But he's got commitment issues.) And thigh fucking. He's unbearable about it, particularly if you're wearing anything that gives him easy access.

Jason: My good honest man. He likes sense deprivation, I think, but he likes it being done to him. He's almost never not being in charge, however, so it doesn't come up often. If almost like a birthday special to him. He's also very into frottage, but I don't know if that counts as a kink? He likes coming in his pants a few times before the real deal.

Tim: is this a kink? He loves to make you cry. He just really likes bullying you to the point you're bawling. You can fuss and kick all you want, and it just turns him on, because the minute he removes himself, you're whining to have him again. I think that's his favourite way to make you cry, just to edge you unendingly until you're sobbing for him. He also likes age play, but he likes to play the younger part. I don't think quite mommy/daddy stuff (depends on the reader), but a bit of an emphasis on the age gap (think the blurry noona/hyung area in korean, when employed sexually. The terms are not translatable but that's the spirit of it).

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Dick: everywhere. Does not discriminate. Inside the house, I think he likes bothering you when you're chilling in the couch. If your lying down there, he'll starts running up a hand between your thighs and he'll stop if you can't carry on the conversation. Outside, I think anywhere that is mildly risky—possibly the park? Kinda loves shoving you between trees and eating you out, or fingering you. When he comes onto you outside, it's mostly to get you to come so you have to hang out there, all sticky, thinking of him. He gets really thrilled by you running out of patience and pulling him out of whatever situation you're in just so you can go home and fuck. Sometimes you don't even make it home. You "force" him to fuck in a bathroom or in the car — closest relatively enclosed space you can find. He really enjoys those releases.

Jason: the bed. Give my boy his space and his nightstands! But outside that, no joke, the kitchen. It's more often than not his kitchen rather than yours, so he's there most often and it's where you find him and put your hands on him. Also god forbid you take anything out of the oven. He just shows up, takes it from your hands, presses you against the counter.

Tim: no joke loves to have you suck him off underneath his desk. He thinks it's funny when you bang your head against the top lmao but he also just likes to see you cramped into a tiny space and all over him.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Dick: Hear me out. He likes implied corruption masked as salvation. That sounds dramatic: what he likes is the tension between helping you and succumbing to his own desires. He is very often the more knowledgeable, powerful, etc party, he almost always has some advantage over you, and he likes struggling against the feeling of giving you what you want and thereby taking advantage of you. It's a weird, false dichotomy, but he likes playing the hero a lot, and that makes him feel sometimes like what he wants is selfish, which means he tends to be secretive and manipulative in order to get it, and he winds up doing stuff that is suspicious and much closer to taking advantage of you than just being upfront would've been. And he unfortunately really enjoys those times. I associate him a lot with the "I can't help myself from doing this" sentiment. So to answer the question lol, when you look particularly put together and he gets to mess it up, or when you look at him with big, round eyes, or when you look really fuckable and are not aware of it, he really likes that.

Jason: He's a slow goer. You have to seduce him. He likes the motion of that, likes having you come onto him, likes it when you're flirty and a little risqué just for his benefit. Likes when you're self assured, and when you're a little mean with him. He could watch you forever, but to really make him spring into action, you gotta tell him how badly you need him. That'll bring him to your side in a minute.

Tim: milfs. No joke. I think he's pretty attracted to cheery people he can make fun of. Oh, he really likes riling you up. That shit gets him fired up in a second. You're arguing with him and he's got to adjust in his pants, and he won't go down without a fight. He really, really likes bullying you lol He thinks it's so hot when you're annoyed

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Dick: no watersports/scat/blood (vampire universe exempt), and so on and so forth. It's a bit silly that he gets grossed out by it when he's so into cum, but, you know. Another thing is, he can't really be demeaning. It's not that he doesn't want to, but it never... hits? Like, he's unauthentic about it, in a way, and he's much better at praise. So it's not that he won't do it, but that it's a little mid lol

Jason: I don't think he can do CNC. Even if you really wanna, he just can't play the part without going limp. It's not in him to do that to you. He can't bear to hear you plead with him over that, it makes him feel gross and uncomfortable. He'll talk bad to you if you wanna, though.

Tim: breath play. He doesn't like the feeling of his airways being cut off even when he's at his most mindless, it always kickstarts his survival mode, and he can't choke you either because he doesn't trust himself to stop.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Dick: my good man #1 pussy (gn) eater in the house. He will be there hours. His poor cock will weep unendingly and he doesn't give a single fuck. Matter of fact, that first load after he finally slides into you? Best part of the job. Would not like it half as much without the various orgasms he drew out of you. And he's good at it, obviously. Practiced. I think he's also a decent cock sucker (what an image), but he's way more practiced with a pussy.

Jason: he also likes giving more than receiving, but he is soooooo hot when he lets you suck him off. It's the way he can barely hold back, how he falls apart in your mouth. The way his hands fist your hair despite himself, the way he weighs on your tongue. You have to beg him to let you suck him off first, but christ, if it ain't a gift when he acquiesces.

Tim: receiving, I think. I love to think about him sucking a dick, though. Very pretty. But in general, I think he prefers to be sucked off rather than being the one to give. He's fine at it! And he's not one to shy away from it if you wanna, or offer it when in the mood, but he thinks he's better with his fingers anyway, and he wants his mouth free for your nipples.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Dick: he tends to go more for the slow and sensual. It's part of the romantic vein of his style. He gets really close to you. He is also evil and very rarely loses control of himself, so he will fuck you however he wants, not how you beg him to, and because he's got so much experience, he usually has the better idea of how to get you to come.

Jason: i love him. Can't go slow. Okay, technically, he can, but he's got to work really hard at it. He just likes being inside you so much, he slips into that excitement too easily. His way of fucking is very bruising, very felt, much like his feelings. And again. My man loves to watch it jiggle.

Tim: he's the one man who will listen to how you want it. Mostly because he likes being ridden so you're setting the pace. He usually goes for slower rhythms, though, and if he's toying with you, he goes excruciatingly slow. Also knows to speed up exactly when your patience is about to snap.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Dick: again, half the sex he has is quickies so yeah, he likes them lol. I do think they appeal to him as an expression of unbridled want, in the sense of we want each other so much we have no time to savour one another and we still can't help ourselves from having a fleeting taste.

Jason: he dislikes not having time and space to do everything he wants to do, so he is mostly opposed to them. And he is very good at waiting, though the longer he waits, the longer you end up spending in the bedroom. He's also pretty big so he wants to have the room, time wise, to prep you to take him so the slide is easy and pleasurable for you, and the quickies don't afford him the space for that. He'll do it if you come to him real wet, though.

Tim: he thinks they're fun but he's very bad at them in the sense that once he starts doing you, he is very disgruntled that he has to stop. And he always fucking forgets it so he needles you to let him stick the tip in real quick, c'mon, just five minutes and we're done, and then you're having to bite down on his shoulder to pry him away from you before whoever you're waiting for comes in. And he likes the biting, so it's 50/50 whether he actually comes off.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Dick: yep. He's a little more conservative with what he's willing to try, and he doesn't like everything or want to implement it regularly, but he's very open to at least trying it ou. He doesn't come up with a lot of stuff himself, and he doesn't spend time researching on his own, but he'll see something interesting and bring it up next time if he decides he likes it enough to play out.

Jason: Jason has... categories. He's very intuitive when it comes to sex. He kind of already knows what he likes and can go off that knowledge to predict what he will like or not. And he's good at making modifications on things he finds uninteresting to better suit his needs, if you still wanna try. He doesn't like roleplaying in general, for example, but he will pretend you're both strangers so you can pick him up at the bar. Likes bringing you to the bathroom stalls and fucking you there.

Tim: oh yeah. He reads a lot. He's very curious. He'll go on the internet and read manuals, read reviews, take tests, etc. He's also much more likely to fixate on a certain kink for a period of time, or to genuinely incorporate it to his regular sexual life.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Dick: mr. first robin have been a vigilante since i was nine, have never not exercised, etc etc. Yeah. He ain't stopping.

Jason: the fucking pit. He keeps dying and coming back and it's like they pump more cum in his balls every time. Enough said.

Tim: see mr. grayson. I don't know how the spleen affects him, but I doubt he lets it hold him back. He will stop you after a while if you're topping tho. Doesn't like to be sore much. Which doesn't mean he'll stop altogether, you know, he still has a dick.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Dick: he hates your dildo. He's horribly, terribly jealous of it. At first he'd use it to tease you, but then he liked you for real and that thing became his sworn enemy. He despises the fact that he's away so much you have to resort to using it, basically, so it'll always kind of have a place in your bed. He resent a vibrator even more. It's super fucking funny to me. He's game for everything else that doesn't fuck you tho.

Jason: Jay likes gadgets for their ingenuity but I don't really see them coming up too often. A few restraints, blindfolds, maybe a cock ring? He'd like them better if you used some on him rather than him using them on you. He prefers to do the work with his hands and mouth and cock. Good honest work

Tim: I think Tim's game on toys for either participant. He'll make you watch him fuck himself onto a tentacle-shaped dildo, if that's something you're into, and he won't let you touch him. He's a terror with a vibrator, though, particularly if you have a clit? Dude. A remote operated vibe. Anal plugs with tails attached. A fucking machine? Get away from that man. When I say saw trap, I mean it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Dick: horrible. He is awful. Worst of all because he's also so very sweet, and tender, and he plays the fool to lower your guard, and then you're lying there, gasping around his cock for the umpteenth time because he will not let you come yet and nothing you say breaks his nerve, and he just. taunts you. He's also soooooo into walking around looking delectable and playing dumb about it. Sure, man.

Jason: this one is on me, but I love a reader who's just off-handedly disrespectful to him. I always pair him with the brats lol I think he handles that well, by which I mean he strips it down to bone raw frankness which is heady and intimidating (metaphorically, I mean, but also strips down as in naked, I guess). He's quippy, also, as a general rule, but that's two way banter so I don't count it.

Tim: horrible part 2. See: loves to make you cry. See: Loves using toys on you. See: loves torturing you. His nudes are not even explicit, they're just suggestive, but you know intimately what he looks like, so the mere suggestion is enough to drive you mad. And then his fascination with you is never ending. It's a cocktail for great and tortuous diversion.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Dick: soooo talkative this man will not shut up. You're like, my man, you've been speaking for two hours straight, doesn't your throat need any lubrication? And he's like, you're right and swallows when you come. He's a moaner, I think, but not any louder than average. Will play it up if he sees the neighbour eyeing you in the hallway tho lol

Jason: Grunts and gasps and overall very throaty. He murmurs a lot of stuff into your skin. He's not loud, but his voice is a spear right down your groin. He likes speaking against your ear and sometimes it's all you hear. If you top him, and with some very precise loosening, you can get him moaning so so pretty, but it's pretty rare.

Tim: bitch has the most obscene little whimpers. It activates apex predator instinct on you immediately, like a switch being flipped. It's impossible not to bite him when he starts giving the short, breathy moans. Sounds so needy, and when he gets like that, he can barely string a sentence together, which is just mind blowing considering who he is.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Dick: I think Dick has a COMPLICATED relationship with his body. Perhaps it's me projecting a little because I cannot imagine being such a beautiful man and being able to cope with it. First vector to the issue is the fact that this man knows his body from the tip of his toes to the last strand of hair on his head. He is much more in touch with every muscle in his body than the vaaaast majority lf the world, and he has been so since very early in his life. You know that quote from Ursula K. Le Guin, I think, about how dogs don't really conceptualise their size, and cats are the complete opposite, they know exactly where they begin and end and that's why they seem like water sometimes? And then she says dancers also know exactly what they look like, because what they look like is what they do. And that's exactly him, as an acrobat and as a vigilante both. And though he doesn't care much for it, he also knows exactly how well he is regarded for possessing the body that he does. It is flattering, yes, but it is objectifying also. There's not so much the worry that people won't look any deeper than his looks because well, most of the time he doesn't want them to look, and also his loved ones regularly bypass his handsomeness and treat him as a person, so he knows he can live beyond that. Then there is the matter of his continued sexual assault at the hands of Catalina, and the subsequent objectification she subjected him to for the weeks following that first time at the rooftop, which would irrevocably change his relationship to his body. I don't think she ruins it for him, but he does develop, like, a very deep awareness of the power he holds and how easily that can be taken away. There's a lot of deliberation behind his every move, and when he cannot put that much thought into his actions, he freaks. It's also kinda why I headcanon him being so enthralled by so many dub-conish situations, I think it provides him with a playground in which he can explore the extents of his desires and what acting on them means while acknowledging the harm they may create, thus liberating him from the pressure of the worry or the not engaging altogether. I think an instance of mutual non consent (or plain noncon of you, but I don't think most versions of him have it in them) would absolutely obliterate him, and do a lot of bad to his psyche in a way Jay and Tim could withstand much better. He'd think it a moral failure, in a way the other two could resolve, but he'd never forgive himself. It's a point of no return, for Grayson.

Jason: he finds porn really distasteful. He would honest to god rather pay to watch two people go at it than look at a film. He just can't appreciate it for what it is—the stories are corny, the dialogue is cringe, etc etc. I genuinely think my man is on the aspec to some level. He's got a healthy libido, he likes having sex, but it's very person specific. I suppose I'd say demisexual, but I do think he can have casual sex but it's a VERY rare thing for him to feel sexual attraction like that right from the get go.

Tim: he enjoys cross dressing, but he won't go out like that. It's a very personal thing, to him. He strikes me as a dabbler in genderfluidity. If there's something there, he doesn't really care to examine it. He's good at being a man and he's comfortable with it, too, so there's that. But with you, he can just try it out. Of course it's fun to fuck you with a skirt on, but it's not a sex-based thing. And, unrelated but he watches hentai unironically because man's a weeb.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

I don't rlly understand this question sbhdhd all those suits are skin tight I think you can tell. I assume this is about cock size cuz we all know Dick's got an ass and Jason's vice president of the perfect titties club with nic coughlan so.

Dick: I think he's a little bigger than usual but nothing that'd give you pause. Well, maybe a little. It's enough to think "that's just unfair" but not to be appalled. Very pretty. Leans slightly to the left. It's got some heft to it, but I wouldn't comment on its girth, and it's very expressive (shshdj?). It twitches a lot, is what I mean.

Jason: fat. So so fat. Fat, heavy, and uncut. Coupled with his full bush—instantly mouthwatering. This one does make you blink a couple times in astonishment. The type that makes you say I don't know if I can't take this but by god, I'm gonna try. He probably has to prep you a decent amount before you can both be comfortable with him inside you. It really fills you up, though and the stretch is craaaazy. Also good balls.

Tim: perfectly average length, longer than it is girthy. Oddly straight. Stupidly pink. Rosy as fuck. Looks like he paid for someone to do his blush this morning, etc. Circumcised. The head is perfect, you always fall for it when he asks you to let him put in just the tip because you like it so much.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Dick: high, like, a bit of a concern type of high. The thing with him is you get him started and you both got time? That's your day. Good fucking luck getting out of there. And then he's the sort of man that can't quite keep his hands to himself also, so it spirals pretty fast because it's hard not to want him when you know he's good and tasty and ready for you.

Jason: Pretty normal. He will be the one to say no, let's just cuddle a couple of times. I think he likes the moment of non-sexual affection a bit more, though they are not in competition. He's got a healthy libido and a fuckton of stamina, so it may seem like a lot at times. He'll fall hook line and sinker every time you set out to seduce him, but he'll drag out the start a lot. He's a fan of foreplay anyway.

Tim: Tim can go weeks without having sex if he's got something to be absorbed in. He'll forgo having sex if necessary, as well, even though he likes it lots. It's kind of how like people forget to eat or drink while they're working and then when they look up and realize they haven't eaten since breakfast and it's 8pm they're ravenous. That's Tim. He will blink and the onslaught of pent up horniness will hit him, and he's like, oh I gotta fuck you for several days straight now. You kinda have to needle him to fuck otherwise if he's got a project going on, and he always stops a moment to get you bouncing on his lap, but you're done and he goes right back to work. When he's got free time, he's such a damn distraction, though. God forbid you don't have any time for him.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Dick: Depends on how tired he's feeling. He usually really refuses to go and its kinda cute seeing him fight with himself when his eyelids are dropping and he's barely kissing you anymore

Jason: he stays awake waaaay past you, likes to watch you as you sleep against him or beside him

Tim: very, but again, you gotta cradle him and lull him

[ennard-is-near]

Bite of ‘83 placement

I think it has to come first. I think people sometimes put Charlie’s death or Elizabeth’s death first in the timeline, and I respect most FNaF takes, so it’s fine if you want to do that. But personally for me it has to come first, and in this essay style post I will explain why. Everything is completely subjective to me, I will say “I think…” a lot and just know that that’s a more of a “In my version of FNaF” than a “In the only version of FNaF”. Also I call Crying Child Evan, mostly for simplicity’s sake. Cool? Alright, let’s go.

First off, I know why people sometimes put Elizabeth’s first. If Evan is scared shitless of the animatronics, it might be because he either saw what happened to her or William is trying to make him afraid of them. However, he’s a little kid, and kids tend to be scared of stuff like that. (My little sister is scared shitless of Chuck E. Cheese and there is no reason for that.) Also the SL cameras in his room but I don’t know if that’s enough evidence for placing his death after hers. Honestly, I don’t know why people put Charlie’s first, maybe it’s because she had that weird “life giving” thing in the second (???) game’s mini games and so Evan wouldn’t have been able to poses Fredbear without her. Or maybe it’s book related, honestly not sure.

From here, I will break this up into a few categories. Broadly, it will be why it has to be first for William’s character and why it has to be first for Michael’s character. Let’s start with uhhhh…

Michael’s character

A couple small things first: I don’t think he meant to do that, obviously. I just think he’s stupid (like really stupid) and didn’t think about his actions having consequences. I don’t think he planned the prank or whatever, I’ve seen a couple people depict it as something he thought about doing beforehand and I don’t think so, I think it was probably a random idea he had two seconds before he did it. I also don’t think he was doing in for William’s approval, not consciously at least. As an older sibling myself, I can confidently say that it’s fun to be a dick to your younger siblings sometimes, especially when they cry about it. His motivation was probably “hahaha this is fun.” Also, I think that it was entirely his fault. He suggested it and Fredbear was a performing animatronic on stage that he was old enough (maybe like 12-14) to know was dangerous. There was no tampering or unusual springlock failure that “shouldn’t have happened” or “shouldn’t have had enough force to do that.” IMO that was exactly what was going to happen and he should have known better. What did he think was going to happen?

My points (In no particular order)

I think Michael and Elizabeth exist in the same house after the bite of ‘83. She says “I know it was an accident” (which is a line I am insane about) in the SL secret night and I don’t think she would say that if she hadn’t been around during and after the incident. Also I just think they should. Imagineeeeeee the dynamic.

That is NOT the behavior of someone who has even considered that his siblings could die. Like if he’s already down a little sister and he doesn’t want his little brother to die, why the fuck is he doing that? If the thought even crossed his mind that Evan was capable of dying then he would not have been putting him up by that thing’s mouth.

And as a continuation of that…That is NOT the behavior of someone who has already lost a sibling to animatronics?!?!?! Even if he didn’t know how exactly Elizabeth died he has to know she went missing to something relating to Circus Baby’s Pizza Word. If tragedy already struck at a Pizzeria why would he be doing that. I know he’s stupid but he cannot be that stupid.

This is a good inciting incident for him. Like if this is the first bad thing that happens to this guy, that is way cool. He has never experienced loss ever and now he’s completely cooked and will have to spend his entire life insane (sorry I don’t make the rules.)

Isn’t it more fun when there’s a horrible guilt about Michael causing all of this? Like he can tell himself that it’s all his fault that his father lost his marbles? He can say that if he hadn’t done that none of what followed would have happened to him or anyone else.

And…isn’t it more fun when he’s sort of right? Isn’t it more fun when our protagonist, if in the smallest way possible, kicked the chain of dominoes that lead to everything that happened in FNaF. Not his fault that his father goes/is insane, obviously, but the things that happen wouldn’t have if he hadn’t done that. It’s so fun if we follow a guy indirectly responsible for everything that went down who is desperate to make up for it.

William’s character

This gets a little more complicated, but for me he was a pretty solid father before the bite of ‘83. Not perfect, but imagine a dad. That’s him. He’s obviously got the capacity for murder but he wouldn’t do something like that unless pushed. Y’know? He’s like the amount of crazy that most people are.

But I only have one point, really.

It makes him more interesting.

It makes his promise more meaningful. If everything William Afton does in pursuit of “putting [his son] back together.” It’s so much more impactful and reasonable if he’s killing with a goal.

If he isn’t a grieving father, why would be killing people? Seriously? Why would he have Circus Baby? Why would he kill Charlie? Felt silly? That’s stupid.

Also a good inciting incident for him. Having your own son killed by one of your animatronics (and your other son) could probably make a guy lose it. The bite of ‘83 is a good tragedy to prompt a spiral to madness. To the need to make other people feel how you feel, feel how it feels to lose a child. (And at the same time discover the way to bring them all back)

It just is more interesting (to me personally) when he’s not entirely evil, but is a broken and grieving man who sort of gets lost in the sauce on his way to bringing his son back from the dead.

Final thoughts?

It just makes more sense (to me) and is more fun (for me). That’s all.

[mixelation]

#5, #12 and #39 for the first askgame

get to know your fic writer

5. Do you like constructive criticism?

Talking about "constructive criticism" is often a trap, especially in fic circles, because everyone likes using this term but no one knows what it means. The word "constructive" implies utility to the writer and the writer's goals for their story; it does not mean the reader just says whatever they want "improved"/changed, no matter how nice or "helpful" you are about it. You cannot give constructive feedback to a writer unless you understand the context in which they wrote their fic and what their goals for it are. In other words, it is impossible to give "constructive criticism" unless the writer has actively communicated to you what they specifically want out of feedback. You must also then respect what the writer wants; giving feedback based on what you as a reader want out of a fic is unlikely to be useful to the writer unless their goal is to be as appealing as possible to your tastes (which.... don't assume that, jfc).

Many people in fandom cry "constructive criticism!" when they want to make demands from a writer to cater to their personal preferences, often with a little side of harassment. So, I might ask a question to readers with the hope of someone giving me actual constructive feedback, but no, I don't like "constructive criticism" in the way fandom at large uses it.

Also, sometimes the stuff I post was written on my phone on a bus, for my own entertainment. Why would I want constructive criticism on that?

12. How does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

I mostly write for my own entertainment. Sometimes the idea that someone will say something nice to me motivates me to push through on projects. Like, if I were 100% writing for myself, I would probably just not write a lot of otherwise "boring" scenes that are necessary for flow or info. But a lack of support probably wouldn't stop me from writing.

39. Share a snippet from a WIP.

from chapter 19 of Plasticity:

The filling of the first onigiri she bit into was incredibly spicy. She did her best to pretend it was totally normal, even as her sinuses started to run. The second onigiri was also spicy.  “I seem to have made a mistake,” Obito said, and then made an exaggerated noise of sucking snot back up into his nose.  “Why do you keep doing this?” Tori asked. “You know I like spicy food. It’s not going to work.” She was, actually, in tears. She shoved another bite into her face. She wanted to go buy more tea, but that would be admitting defeat.  “That’s why I keep doing it. Eventually it will work,” Obito replied, and he was close enough to her that she could see the rims of his eyes were red. “Russian roulette isn’t a fun game.” “Well, you’re playing it wrong.”

[chuchustraydog]

I think i have a fnaf timeline.

DISCLAIMER: please dont create an angry mob of people trying to crucify a 16 year old for making a fun little Theory about fnaf , thank you. Another thing , i will be refferring to other theories that have been made in the fnaf fandom and will cite it accordingly. Also english isnt my first language and although i find myself proficient in it , i still sound like an idiot sometimes. Also i'll be mostly focussing on the first 6 games and ucn as everything after is way too confusing. I will be using references from the fazbear frights books and the security logbook. I will not be using the silver eyes trilogy as they arent canon to the main universe. The rant is over please hold the hate comments until after hearing me out , thank you very much.

SPOILER WARNING OBVIOUSLY.

Also a quick TW as i'll be talking about the general fnaf topics , Child murder , psychological abuse basically and lots of brianfuck.

With that out of the way , i would first like to show my timeline and then explains each part individually

Freadbears opens ca. 1970

The first ever Freddy's is opened after fredbears and before 1983.

MCI happens before bite of '83 (I told you please bear with me , no pun intended.) In the original freddy's.

Bite of '83 in 1983 (duh)

Charlotte's/Puppet's/Henry Daughter's death (seriously Scott just tell us her name is Charlie in the games too thx) after bite of '83.

Midnight Motorist, shortly after Charlie's death

Original Freddy's closes due to MCI.

Charlie/ Puppet gives gift , gives life.

William builds the funtimes to capture and kill kids (The spirits of the kids arent in the funtimes yet , bear with me please)

Elizabeth dies to Baby and posseses(i hate this fucking word) her. Circus Baby's closes and they get put underground.

Fnaf 2 happens in 1987 and the bite of '87.

Fnaf 1 happens in 1993

William notices the animatronics being possesed and salvages them. He uses the parts and puts them in the funtimes. This is shortly after fnaf 1.

The funtimes become hostile towards William. He figures out remnant and sends Michael down to free Elizabeth

He returns for whatever reasons(i have one) and gets springlocked.

Sister location happens and Michael gets scooped. He then sets out to find William. This is close to 1993 i believe.

After 30 years Fnaf 3 happens in 2023 and Michael burns down the place. This is also where he writes into the logbook (more on that later)

Pizzeria sim takes place only a bit after i think so around 2024 at the most. Everyone gets set free by henry by arson.

UCN happens in hell where William Afton is punished for his crimes by the vengeful spirit.

With this out of the way we can continue on with the explanation. Please dont lynch me before reading this , thank you.

Alright onto the first point that i believe needs explaining.

The MCI (Missing Children's Incident) happend before the bite. Aka: me offering myself up to get doxxed by angry fnaf fans.

My reasoning lies in the Help Wanted 2 princess quest minigame. In it , you have to light multiple graves to earn a bonnie mask. The graves each have a plushie of the core 4 animatronics, golden Freddy and the puppet. The order in which you light them starts with Chica and ends with the puppet. This is the order of which the kids died as evidenced by withered chica's voiceline in UCN.

"I was the first , i have seen everything" - withered chica in unc.

That means the puppet died last which makes sense considering all of the children are all desd when the puppet gives gifts gives life. However that's not where it ends. Considering all of the evidence we have gotten from the fazbear frights books , it is widely accepted that both the crying child and the vengeful spirit (I will not refer to them as Cassidy as the name is still debated about. I will also refer to them as C.C and V.S respectfully.) share golden Freddy and both possesses him. This makes sense as otherwise there wouldnt be any reason to show us the C.C's death , except for some Michael backstory angst , as the MCI happens before 1983. The reason being that if the grave represents golden freddy , the puppet must have died after the bite meaning either after 1983 or in 1983. If the puppet is the last kid to die , it means the MCI happend before the bite or maybe at the same time. We know that a freddy's is open at the same time as fredbears , considering all of the merch C.C and other kids have , and that the MCI didnt happen at any of the locations we see. It would also make sense why the security puppet exists in the first place , Henry was trying to protect Charlie because of the murders that happend at freddy's. (Why he lets her go there after the MCI is a mystery to me but maybe all happend in relative succession or with suspect supposedly being arrested and convicted , he felt safe to send her.) That would leave me to believe that what C.C. saw wasnt Elizabeth getting murked by Baby or Charlie getting killed by William , mostly out of timeline reasons , but the MCI. Maybe he saw springbonnie/William lead away Susie/Chica to her death and later on saw her on a missing poster. He does get scared in fnaf 4 when he sees a purple guy (probably william) help an employee put on the springbonnie suit. (This also confirms that William isnt the only one wearing springbonnie and that C.C wouldnt know who was in the suit or if anyone was in there at all.) Now some would argue that the whole reason William started killing was to put C.C together , but i dont think so. Here's where i do take a bit of Silver Eyes Trilogy lore in this but i can proof it otherwise too , bear with me. In the Silver Eyes trilogy, William Afton's main goal was to achieve immortality using remnant (everyone's favourite soul juice.) , as he was afraid of death. Considering the first ever namedrop of Afton was in the trilogy and the fact that the characters seem to align well in charactarisation, i fully believe this is what scott intended. Considering that the trilogy mirrors the original game story in aspects like Henry's daughter dying or the four missing kids names , it's not farfetched that William's motive are one of these similiarties. (Yes , i said i wouldnt use the trilogy as it isnt canon to the games. However it is clear that Scott made some ideas for the books that stuck for the games. I dont know why Afton's motive cant be one of them.) There is also the fact that the freddy's th MCI takes place at is never seen in one of the games and i doubt scott cawthon would create two freddy's that we've never seen just so that one of them is only there so we know freddy's existed in 83. No that was on purpose and im sure of it , otherwise it would just be bad writing.

Now we can move on to the second point that i feel needs explaining: Midnight motorist. Aka: drunk driving sim and every theorists biggest nightmar.

I believe midnight motorist to take place after Charlie's death and thus Afton's last murder (for now). I believe this is something the majority agress on. Now here is where we get into theory territory. I believe that the Juniors William Afton tries to get in (yes i believe its William even if he's a mustard man and not purple) can not be any freddy's location mostly because why would he drive away from killing Charlie only to go back to it. Some have speculated it to be the fnaf 2 location but that would mean that two freddy's would be open at the same time. Again, no sense there. Also we dont have a set dare where the fnaf 2 location opened but knowing these restaurant it cant have been long before its closing in 1987. And considering the MCI happend before the bite of 83 (that seems to take place in either spring or summer as we see in the minigames.) It would be a big time frame between the MCI and bite of 83 and Charlie's/the Puppet's death. Not impossible but unlikely. I believe the small pile of dirt in the woods to be C.C's grave and that "That place" mustard man/Afton refers to is exactly that. If we place Charlie's death after C.C , it means the only son Afton has left so when he says this line at the end of midnight motorist:

"Ran off to that place again. He'll be sorry when he gets back." - Mustard man /Afton in midnight motorist.

He means Michael. Now some will say: "But *Insert my name* the person infront of the TV has so many hints to being Michael". Bear with me please. The reason it cannot be C.C is because C.C is already dead. There isnt any logical explanation for there to be a pile of dirt in the forest otherwise. All of Afton's victims were stuffed into suits. It could be Elizabeth as we dont know exactly when Afton made the funtimes but i dont think so. Mostly because i doubt Elizabeth's body was able to be retrieved to be buried after getting clawed by Baby. Would it explain the grave being unmarked? yes. Does it fit in narratively? I dont think so. So yes i believe the person who ran away to be Michael. Maybe he saw a hallucination of Fredbear leading him to his brother's grave? After all the security logbook confirms that Michael knows about Nightmare Fredbear and i have an explanation. Michael , after the bite of 83 , became an experiment for William. I believe that William was already experimenting on C.C with the Fredbear plush trying to hone his son's fear of the animatronics. (This also backsup my theory that C.X saw the MCI. It would give William a reason to torment his kid , to keep him away from freddy's.) So when C.C died , he moved onto Michael who was probably fragile mentally from C.C's death already and thus easy to manipulate and experiment on. This is where Dittophobia comes in. Basically i believe the dreams in fnaf 4 to be Michael hallucinating being trapped in his brother's body fighting against nightmarish versions of the animatronics with the worst being fredbear as the one who killed his brother. This also where followvictim comes in , a theory that believes C.C' soul or atleast a part of it clinged to his brother Michael. If this were to be the case , it would make sense why Michael would go back to the grave and why William has the option to check there. Either before or after Midnight Motorist , William experimented on Michael, potenially to make the boy his accomplice or the one to do his dirty work. (Like Vanessa in the fnaf movie but i digress.) So who's the person infront of the TV? Mrs. Afton? A relative? Who knows? But i dont believe it to be Michael.

Next point: the building of the funtimes , the thing that keeps me up at night.

I hate this part the most. The entire time i was trying to figure out how the parts of the 5 animatronics could be put in the funtimes. See the problem is we see the salvage where afton takes down the animatronics in a minigame in fnaf 3. This has to happen after Charlie gives gifts and gives life as the animatronics are possessed. It has to happen after Fnaf 1 though as William was sealed behind a wall at the fnaf 1 location for 30 years. You'd think Michael would notice or hear his father's screams if he was working there but he didnt and we know freddy's closed soon after. So where to put the funtimes? I believe that after the original freddy's closed due to the MCI , Afton began building the funtimes. He might've noticed something off about Fredbear or the puppet or any of the animatronics after and wanted to recreate whatever he had made. A weird Frankenstein project basically and he was obssesed because now he didnt just want to be immortal , he wanted to bring his son back in any way necessary. Killing more kids in the name of science for it? A minor sacrifice in his mind. So he creates the funtimes with killing in mind. I believe the scooper to be an afterthought of after Circus baby's closed and only for the bunker underground. Elizabeth gets killed by Baby and in an attempt to cover it up , William pretends like there had been a gasleak and the animatronics all get put underground and potentially under Afton house. So William is left with one last kid , Michael. Who by this point is probably so traumtized that he'd follow his father's order to the death. So i believe that until the salvage, the funtimes didnt have the souls of the 5 MCI kids in them.

Fnaf 2: Who is Fritz Smith?

So as we know the first night guard jeremy Fitzgerald gets bitten by an animatronic after switching to dayshift. This is the bite of 87. Afterwards , we play as Fritz Smith who gets fired after one night for tempering with the animatronics and odor. Sounds familiar? Its the same reasons Michael Afton was fired as Mike schmidt in fnaf 1. Now does that prove its Michael? Maybe but lets look at our other canditate , William , first. William could have gone there simply to kill more kids or to watch what the animatronics became. Previous employees werent allowed into the fnaf 2 location and the owners were tried to be contacted. But no one has heard anything of the Afton's since Circus baby's and im sure that henry wasnt involved anymore either. Another Argument might be the puppet as the puppet shouldnt be able to be fooled just because Michael and William look alike. See in UCN the puppet says this:

"The others are like animals. But i am very aware." - puppet UCN

And she's right. The others would see someone who looks like William and immediatetly think its their murderer but the puppet knows better. Still that doesnt prove why she attacks jeremy then so i believe this to be debunked basically. Not impossible just unlikely.

Now onto why it could be Michael. Well after 4 years of pure psychological torture , Mike will probably do anything to please his father. If that includes going into the pizzeria where the animatr that he fears are inside , he has to pull through. He was a clean slate. After all , nobody has probably seen Michael Afton for 4 years. So him applying as Fritz Smith isnt unlikely. Couple that with the same reasons for being fired and we can be pretty sure its Mike again. But why would William send him here? Well...tempering with the animatronics ofcourse. Considering Mike's a technician in Sister location , its not far fetched he knows his way arouns Henry's and William's creations. I believe William wanted to have an update on the animatronics. And he gets it. They are erratic, attacking security guards no matter if they resemble William or not , they cause a ass bite again and seem set on getting revenge on the killer. I think this where William figures out that the possesions happend but he cant be sure. After all the toy animatronics are programed to apprehend criminals but the withered arent. So he knows something is going on. Mike gets fired though and William has to wait until the next location opens.

Fnaf 1: We are getting closer Baby!

Not much to say except a few points. Mike gets sent here by William to again , watch the animatronics. When golden freddy appears though , something happend. I think that V.S noticed that part of C.C's soul was with Mike and decided to cling a part of themselves onto Mike aswell. Maybe because V.S thought they could communicate with C.C through that. I mean how else is C.C and V.S supposed to communicate in the security logbook? How should they even get there? Well Mike ofcourse. So basically Mike gets fired for the same reasons and goes to tell his father about what he's seen. William is now sure that the animatronics are possessed and that he needs their parts for his funtimes. So as soon as Mike is fired , he salvages them and uses their metal infused remnant to put into his funtimes , ripping their souls away. He then realizes that the funtimes became violent against him and they seem alive and that his daughter possessed Baby. With that in mind , he's determined to salvage golden freddy too and maybe get his son back. So he returns and meanwhile sends Michael to free Elizabeth. Afterall the animatronics were hostile and William was afraid of dying and needed to bring his kids back. If Mike died along the way? Who cared? Not only was he a pawn for william , if this works he could just bring Mike back. So he goes back to salvage golden freddy however the other kids are pissed. Now i believe i need to address the elephant in the room. Who's the fifth kid? My best bet? V.S. After all , the other animatronics are also there despite their souls being in the funtimes. There is just one other elephant in the room. Where. Is. The. Golden. Freddy. Suit? If William salvaged it in the the restaurant , it would lay there broken right? Why else would he be there? See here's where i will slide in another theory. When Dual Process theory's Video came out , one thing stuck to me. The unexplainable springlock suit in Sister location. It cant be springbonnie , William's springlocked in there , and there arent any other known Springlock suits. Could it be that William took the Golden freddy suit with him to the underground? I mean th3 children's bodies would decomposed by now and after salvaging , William would remove the bones from there probably , making room for Michael to fit in there. Especially if William was planning to bring back C.C the bones would be really impractical. For the other theories in this timeline i will stick with the second theory as it makes more sense to me. Why William would return? Maybe to get his favourite fursona to turn immortal himself. Sure he'd test it on C.C and Michael first (his favourite guinea pigs) but then he'd be ready to be immortal. And what's bettered than to possesses the endo of your fursona huh? It seems wacky i know , but this the only explanation i can bring logically in my head. We know what happens after , William's plan fails, the kids fuck him over and he gets springlocked only to then be sealed behind a wall for 30 years.

The downfall of Afton's plan: Sister location Edition. Aka: the game that doesnt fit anywhere.

So mike being the ever obedient son and unknown bearer of his brother's and the V.S's souls , ventured down to safe his sister. The animatronics , angry and mistaking him for William , attack him every night. In night 4 he gets kidnapped basically and put in the springlock suit , yes the Golden freddy one. I believe this is where C.C's soul was able to fully latch onto Mike as the two parts were reunited as does V.S's soul. Afterwards he gets scooped and im about to explain how he surives it. When he is scooped and ennard takes ober his body , my boy is filled with remnant. (Although the scooper could have also been the reason but i want nice story ok?) After he turns purple and throws up ennard he technically has no more remnant except the bit of the scooper he may or may not have gotten. But i also believe he was being held alive by C.C and V.S with their souls latched onto him. If he died now , V.S could never communicate with C.C and V.S would lose half of their soul. Remember when UCN came out and the mediocore melodies had someone whisper through them? A lot of people first mistaked that voice as Baby but now we all believe it to be V.S. Now who's voice is heard telling Mike that he wont die? Baby's. But that makes no sense , ennard is out of his body and the voice sounds so internal. Also how would Baby/Elizabeth know that? She couldnt have. I believe this to be V.S telling Mike that he wont die and i also believe that this opened Mike's eyes. His father had done something awful and he needed to stop him , he needed to find him. And that's what he does for 30 years , searching and searching but never finding his father. Until fazbear frights.

Fnaf 3: the fuckery finally ends , or does it?

We nearly got it. Yay! Please bear with me. I know the last two parts were weird but im going somewhere. First lets start with the easy stuff. "Easy".

The security logbook. The security logbook implies to have been written in by Mike around fnaf 3. In it we have two spirits. Faded text and Altered Text. As you can imagine , faded text is faded text written in the logbook while the altered text is the spirit changing the already present text to communicate. This is where the name cassidy comes in. Who this name belongs to? No fucking idea. Lots of arguments for both spirits and im going to be honest, i cant solve it right now. Which infuriates me. But if i had to , i'd probably name C.C Cassidy as V.S getting a name would destroy the whole vengeful spirit that torments William without William knowing who they are except that he murdered them. Also it pisses off that C.C has no name , like how?!

Anyway the happiest day happens and the puppet is able set C.C free. That's because C.C is there with Michael the entire time. The reason there are only six people is because V.S refuses to let go and wants to get revenge. However all the other souls are split up in ennard and later on molten freddy. So C.C is free now as the only spirit. That still leaves V.S. and the 4 other kids and we know the rest , Mike burns down Fazbear frights in the hopes of ending his father. But he always comes back.

(Heh you see what i did there? Huh? Huh?- i hate myself for this joke really.)

Fnaf Pizza sim: Yay!!!! It makes sense again!

Okay speedrun of the Story. Mike builds up a freddy's and Henry uses it to lure the animatronics in. Those being scraptrap ( William after the fire) , scrapbaby (Baby with Elizabeth's soul) , Molten freddy ( all of the 4 children in one entity) and lefty (the puppet). V.S is still clinging onto Mike and so all the spirits are gathered. In the end , Henry burns everything down and everyone is laid to rest. Except for two people.

UCN: The end , Yay!

UCN is basically William's hell and the one keeping him there is V.S. How does V.S do it? By putting William in the same place his son was in. I believe V.S would have had access to Michael's soul and maybe also memories and be able to turn it against William. How else should the nightmare animatronics be there? Anyway V.S holds William there while old man consequences tries to tell her to let go. Could this be Mike? Henry? Someone else? Who knows? But V.S wont let go , even if William beats all the animatronics at the hardest difficulty , V.S stays there as golden freddy. Twitching , alive and ready to make William suffer for all he's done.

And we did it. Yay!!! This was written across two days by my heavily hyperfixated 16 year old sleep deprived brain , so if something doesnt make sense , sue me. Again this is just a theory , i didnt solve fnaf nor do i believe i did. This might be completely wrong but i had this timeline in my head and really wanted to share it. I didnt address the VR games or security breach as i frankly dont understand them much and wanted to focus on the main 7 games. Thank you for reading through all of this , criticism if polite and constructive is thanked for and even if you debunk my whole theory i will be happy.

Hope we all stay invested and i wont get doxxed. Thank you for reading♡♡♡

[dodger-chan]

The second part of my hurricane distraction fic (part one is here)

There was no way to get alone time with Eddie in the mobile home, nor were they likely to get a private moment before they took on Henry and his psychic bat army. But their plan was too dangerous, had too many potential points of failure, for Robin to feel comfortable postponing the conversation until the dust settled. So she sat next to him on the floor of the RV and hissed into his ear,

“What are you doing, Munson?”

“Um, staying out of sight?” he answered.

“I meant with Steve. Big Boy? Really?” Robin muffled her snort. She didn’t want to draw the attention of the little ones. “I’ve worked with Steve for months and that was one of the most pathetic attempts at flirtation I’ve seen. Including whatever it was that he thought he was doing at Scoops last June.”

“Do you think he noticed?” Eddie asked. Robin rolled her eyes. She held her hands out in front of her like a scale.

“Well, on the one hand, the world might be ending, we’re all on the run from both the law and Steve’s old friends, and one of his kids is cursed and might die horribly even if we do manage to save the world. Plus his first love is having issues with the guy she left him for and is leaning on him in a way I find kinda gross, even if I don’t think she’s doing it on purpose.” Robin hefted her right hand like she was weighing everything she’d just said. Then she let her left hand drop to the ground hard and fast. “On the other hand, he’s Steve Harrington: if there’s one thing he knows, it’s flirting. So, yeah, I think he noticed you flirting with him, I think he noticed exactly when you started flirting with him, and the second he and I can have a completely private conversation he’s going to ask me for advice so I am asking you: what is it you are trying to do?”

“Set myself up for a beating if we all make it through this, apparently,” Eddie grumbled. Robin smacked his arm. “Ow!”

Nancy turned to look at them with a questioning frown. Robin just smiled sweetly and waited for the other girl to go back to navigating for Steve.

“The only person who might beat you up here is me,” she whispered. “And then only if you make Steve cry, which honestly is really hard to do. He’s internalized a lot of deeply damaging ideas about men not crying, which - I do not have time to get into with you right now. Or possibly ever. Depending on your explanation for why, after years of mostly ignoring him except when he was buying pot, and days of horror-filled proximity, you decided to start flirting with Steve while we were trapped in a hell dimension.”

“He’s hot?” Eddie seemed a little uncertain.

“Agree to disagree there, but he doesn’t look any different than he did yesterday or the day before. Except for the bat bites. And your vest.” A thought struck her. “It’s not just the clothes, right? Because he might wear your clothes if you invite him to a concert or something, but that whole preppy jock look really is what he’s most comfortable in.”

“He ripped a bat in half with his bare hands. I damn near proposed marriage right there.”

So weird. But not any weirder than Steve confessing to her that he was maybe not as over that crush as he’d previously thought shortly after Eddie had almost killed him with that broken bottle.

“Right,” Robin said with a nod. She moved to get up, but Eddie stopped her with a hand on her arm and a curious look. She sympathized, really, but…

“I can’t spill Steve’s secrets; best friend confidentiality,” she apologized. “But, uh, when Steve asks me what he should do, I’m gonna tell him to flirt back.”

[scenetocause]

the way you write lando and max is so viscerally them that it gives me butterflies every time please don’t ever stop pressing keys on a keyboard thank you

heh i cannot. actually process praise because i am very mentally unwell but thank u anon here is a ficlet of them being hungover

Obviously, it was a terrible idea to get drunk at the F1 Arcade party. Firstly because everyone knows who they are and secondly because Max gets the worst hangover anxiety known to man and they're in a hotel and now he's agitating while Lando's trying, like any reasonable person, to become one with the mattress in the hope it will somehow stop his head hurting.

"Stop, look-" he grabs for Max, blindly. "C'mere."

Taking advantage of being bigger than Max these days to pull him down into the pillows probably is a little bit unfair but Lando can't deal with the way he's frantic-scrolling his phone. "No one's gonna have taken pictures of you checking my arse out or whatever, it was dark. And anyway, you do that normally, why are you worrying about-"

"Because," Max looks a bit tearful, from the way they're pressed very close, faces almost touching. "I can't remember what I did or how we got back and that's - fuck, I need to sort myself out."

Oh. Oh. It's not anxiety, not really or at least if it is it's about bigger things than Lando ordering them an Uber. It's that every brush with racing stuff reminds Max he isn't a driver anymore, lets him pick at himself and see every bit of his body and mind that's changed as a problem, not a success. Turns Max Fewtrell, happy and healthy on a sabbatical into a negative compared to Max Fewtrell, lost and spiralling in racing. Puts himself back in the place where it was his fault, where there's another reality he could go back to and prod and poke at it until something else happened.

Lando opens his arms, pulls Max close, lets him snuggle in. It's weird, that their size difference is the other way now and Max is so tiny, tucked against Lando's chest with his face in the crook of Lando's neck.

"Do you want avocado toast or, like, proper greasy breakfast?" Lando's trying to get his body as moulded to Max as possible, which he could justify as being like, Max's weighted blanket or something but is mostly just because there's never going to be a time when being in bed with Max, in just their boxers, isn't going to be exciting to him.

Max makes a humming noise. "Probably the avocado. It's your off-season though, you pick."

There's just enough movement between them that Lando manages to get a hand on Max's arse, so he can get their hips in line for some not-exactly-rutting but like. Just knowing their dicks are in the same place, reassuring more than horny.

"We're getting McDonalds," Lando decides. The hotel probably does Deliveroo and if not, they'll eat it sitting on Max's car's bonnet because he hates the smell getting in the seats.

Formalities over, he gets back to the real task of tracing circuit maps on Max's lower back and sucking his earlobe and pushing his leg between Max's until Lando can roll them over, be on top of Max while he's gently, like, ravishing him or some shit.

Max lets it happen, moans and arches his back when Lando sucks his nipple, bites at the chest hair he's kind of jealous of. By the time he pulls Max's boxers down he's basically all the way hard and a few seconds of Lando mouthing at the tip of his dick gets him the rest of the way there.

It's salty, velvety, nice. Max has a pretty dick, pink and easy for Lando to swirl his tongue around, hold in his mouth more than sucking, heavy on his tongue. He always ends up having to use quite a lot of hand but that's ok because Max likes it and it's not long before his balls are tight, under Lando's palm and then Max comes in his mouth and lets him keep going, basically making out with Max's dick as it softens.

By the time he's satisfied, wriggles back up the bed to drape himself on Max, he's kinda but not very surprised that Max is crying. Not a lot, just enough to say it was intense for him and sometimes Max doesn't have the words for whatever he's feeling. Doesn't matter, they'll work it out together, once Lando's head feels less like it's in a bear trap.

"Thanks, Bob." Max kisses him on the forehead and it's almost as good as paracetamol. "I'll get you back when we get home, yeah? Blowie in the streaming chair."

That's the best suggestion Lando's heard all morning, so he just unlocks his phone and shoves it in Max's hand, Deliveroo open. "I wanna double sausage muffin."

"Sure you do, buddy," Max says while squeezing his arse and. Ok, yeah. He does.

[purplesurveys]

1775

Have you ever had a sexually gay experience?  Sure.

Do you find any of your friends hot?  They're attractive but 'hot' isn't a word I'd use for them - not because they aren't, but just because my friends feel like family and it'd mostly feel weird for me to call them hot.

Are your legs freshly shaven?  No, I think it's at least been a week since I last shaved them.

Does your best friend wear glasses?  She doesn't.

Have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream?  Yes, once every few months. The few seconds crying after waking up feels the worst, and I always need a while to recover and calm down.

Who knows more about you: online friends or offline?  It's actually neither because the real answer is everyone who reads through whatever the hell I put out on here, lol.

Does your family own any land?  I believe they do.

Who is the oldest sibling in your family?  That would be me.

Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles?  I wouldn't use the word 'close' because I think I'll always be shy around my older relatives at the end of the day, but I do have my favorite aunts and uncles.

When was the last time you were in a hospital?  2020.

Do you plan on losing weight any time soon?  No.

What do you think of people who get drunk every weekend?  I largely don't care.

Are you looking forward to anything?  I'm seeing Se So Neon this weekend! :) Then I think we have another long weekend by the end of the month so the thought of that and getting to rest for an additional day is nice, too.

What was the last bad news you heard?  Matthew Perry's death. I've jumped back into the Friends rabbit hole since that day -- in fact I have an episode playing in the background now.

What was your GPA in high school?  We don't have GPAs here.

Do you require a lot of private time?  Erm, not really. For the most part, I'm usually most desperate to be alone once I've reached my ceiling capacity from a work thing... like my social battery automatically running out when I know a PR event is about to finish, lol.

Do you know how to play any odd instruments most people can't play?  Nope.

Have you ever had a parasite before?  As far as I know, no.

Have you ever been punched in the face before?  I've been slapped in the face but not punched.

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city?  Sure.

Do you bathe your pets regularly?  No, they both get bathed once every few months.

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet?  My dogs, and yes.

Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook?  I'm not too sure, I wasn't in a chatty mood today. Angela I think.

When was the last time you saw them?  More than a month ago.

Where do you see yourself in a year?  Oh dear. I'm making it a point to be in a different job by then. That's all I'm envisioning for myself for now. Hopefully 2024 is also considerably better than this year and that I am happier and looking forward to things more.

Do you know anyone who has overdosed?  No.

Where are your siblings as of now?  In their rooms.

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer?  Yes.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender?  Yes.

When was the last time you got a shot?  April when I needed to complete multiple doses after a dog bite.

Have you ever been into a car accident? Yes but they have always been minor and I've never been in one where someone got seriously hurt.

When was the last time you spent over $100 in one transaction?  Just a few days ago when I bought tickets for Miss Saigon.

Are you a breakfast person?  Not really. I never even have breakfast haha.

What type of books do you like to read?  Autobiographical ones.

How do you get rid of hiccups?  I hold my breath. Works like, 80% of the time for me.

Do you have any healthy addictions?  Reading random Wikipedia articles whenever I can and picking up a bunch of trivia from it.

Do you pay much attention to speed limits while driving?  No. You never get pulled over for speeding here and it's not really a thing so it's common for me and everyone to go over.

Which parent was more strict when you were growing up?  My mom but it tbh makes sense because my dad has always worked abroad and was never around to impose rules and such.

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls?  I've seen the first few episodes when I initially planned on binge-watching it. I definitely get the appeal and I loved the scenes I saw, but I think in general the jokes are also a tad bit cheesy in today's age so I never really got to continue.

Do you like getting dirty?  The only time this is acceptable to me is when I eat with my hands and the food is supposed to be really oily and fishy. Otherwise I don't particulrly enjoy getting dirty.

Are you a very flirty person?  Nope.

Who was your favorite babysitter?  Never had one. I grew up in a duplex with extended family so there was always an older relative to take care of me, my siblings, and cousins.

Do you believe in the death penalty?  No.

Name a person that you can’t stand and tell us why?  LOL yes, a few work-related people I know. Not co-workers.

If you could have a video of one event in your life, what would the video be?  Hmm, maybe the day I saw Yoongi in concert.

What is the most illegal thing you have ever done?  Pirating movies/shows...? Hahaha idk.

Last person you sang happy birthday to?  Not singing per se but a few weeks ago I was at a Chili's with friends when a couple of customers were given a birthday greeting session by the staff - we clapped along both times just because hahaha.

Is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it?  I pick the times I listen to Yoongi's Amygdala. It's one of my favorite songs of his ever, but because of its weight and how personal it's supposed to be I listen to it sparsely so that I don't get sick of it and so that it constantly feels just as important as the first time I ever heard it.

Last time you saw fireworks?  Wednesday.

Do you have a black dog?  They both have black parts but they aren't completely that color.

If you took someone on a tour of your town, what would you show them?  I'd take them to the local museum.

Have you been to the capital of your state?  I live in it.

Would you be more in your element camping in a tent or an RV?  RV.

[samtran1022]

Life updates…

About every 6 months I reflect upon the titles of my life, the feels I’ve felt, the insight I’ve gained, and how these titles impact me and my headspace.

The theme of the second half of 2023 & what I’m seeking for/needing in my life: communion (ie, the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level).

Life as a mom… PJ is about to turn three years old and LT just had his first birthday a couple months ago. Literally each day they get older, the better mom life gets. I feel mostly like myself, yet somehow a more actualized/evolved version. PJ still loves dinosaurs and has a budding obsession with monster trucks; he is entering his threenager phase, with very loud 15-20 minute emotional meltdowns. LT is walking and learning to do so much more on his own, he will often wedge himself to be as physically close to us as possible (ie, when we’re doing dishes, cooking on the stove, etc), he is more prone to crying when he doesn’t get his way (which still triggers me, yet I grit my teeth thru it and validate his emotions). Watching the two interact with each other has plenty of comedic content; naturally, they are as alike as they are different. PJ will independent play, Lucas will antagonize, and the conflict will usually be resolved with violence lol my goal is to teach them the tools to peacefully resolve conflict without the need for an adult to step in and referee every single battle. A task that will take many years, yet with consistency, dedication, and many… many deep breaths, I think we got this. Check again in 10-15 years lol the truth is, I believe that sometimes violence is the answer. Hence my goal to eventually put the two in whatever sports they request, whether that be dance, Muay Thai, or golf. Oh at this time, Lucas does seem highly attuned to basketball! He also is prone to hit his head a lot, so football seems a highly probable route as well, we shall see. My ultimate parenting goal is to have a secure relationship with each son, one where we can call each other as adults and make plans to see each other simply because we enjoy each others company. The older they get, the more I find I don’t have to push myself to seek out a sliver of joy.

Life as a wife… a lot of this may sound like waffle and that’s intentional, for I have learned not every issue needs to be unloaded for everyone to have an opinion on; my journey into marriage has provided the most difficult of life lessons with regard to the traits I initially lacked understanding on; from patience to discretion, security to safety, physical touch to body acceptance. Anything worth having is certainly worth putting in the work to achieve, which seems to bring about the fact hardship is necessary in any relationship. Considering the fact my parents were divorced when I was 3 years old should shed some light to my feels on marriage. Nearly 15 years into this relationship (8 of those married), I now hold a much more warm and trusting relationship to the institution of marriage. Life isn’t just about me; each and every single day, I make the choice to prioritize love and heart over ego and pride. Don’t get me wrong, there are still several times a week I want to snap about something that annoys the shit out of me lol yet I’ve found it’s in much less frequency than our early years and it’s much easier to either make a clear request of something that bothers me or recognize the pettiness of it and bite my tongue. From what has grown into the favorite romantic relationship of my life, I’ve had the opportunity to learn how to love heartbreak, as paradoxical as it sounds. Relationships aren’t JUST about communication in and of itself, it’s largely the nuance, the clarity and specificity of my observations and requests, the ability to own how I feel and recognize what needs are or are not being met. To deliver all the above with kindness and consideration is incredibly difficult, yet I’m fortunate to share the goal to improve communication with my partner. Fortunately I’ve never much cared for exclusivity, I do not absolutely care to always be right and have things my way. Perspective is everything, it’s unbelievably cool to have someone I look forward to spending time with, one that matches my energy to simultaneously support yet gently push, one that I constantly laugh with and express my appreciation towards. We just finished a 6 month round of marital therapy, I especially appreciate how our therapist was rooting for us to develop our own tools and solutions to address any issues, while also encouraging us to agree to disagree at times. Living with and loving your best friend can be weirdly beautiful.

Life as a corporate customer service rep… I’ve finally reached one of my life goals! I feel so fortunate to say I like my job; in this commodified world we live in, NGL this is quite the flex. I appreciate and enjoy speaking on my subject matter expertise, if y’all ever wanna know anything about Clinical Microbiology (ie E.coli, MRSA, UTI, sepsis, etc) just lemme talk for 5 minutes, see how much I compel you. I’ve lived a lot of my life in a career where I had the Sunday scaries, I was tied to a time clock and treated like a third grader. I can promise you overt monitoring does not seem warranted in many scenarios, work included. I am no stranger to the heaviness of a distrustful work environment, how it tarnishes your soul and crushes your spirit. No wonder it’s so easy for me to express gratitude when I sit in my own car (listening to my own music with climate control) on the way to a customer site, I don’t mind remoting in and assisting for a few hours, nor do I mind being in a hotel for a week to support a customer who has well surpassed their project timeline. The customer service component of the role holds the largest source of contention, yet I am persistent in building trust throughout my SoCal customer base, I’m okay with being patient. If it takes 5-15 years to build trust, that’s reasonable. Thems are the consequences of commodification, counteracting fear and anxiety with understanding and empathy. It might be a larger energy investment upfront, yet I’ve got hope it’ll pay off exponentially in the long run.

Life as a daughter… this might be where I’ve felt a large release of emotional baggage in the past few months. I chose to visit my mother when we went back home for LT’s first birthday, I felt like it was somehow my duty, to provide an opportunity for my mother to be a grandmother. I found being around my mother brought about such a large disparity of emotions; I finally saw outside myself, forcing any relationship (including mother-daughter) will inevitably spread me thin. I continue to say it again and again… I need the people I choose in my life to match my energy, I’m all about that balance yo. I’ve finally come to a level of acceptance; I used to say the words in therapy yet I was not fully intentional nor convinced of their conviction. I no longer yearn for relationships that aren’t there, I clearly see what I deserve, I can mourn the loss of what will not come to be because of others inability to change, grow, and take accountability.

Life as an individual… the time spent in my home town lead me to deactivate my Instagram. I just did it, no warning, which is surprising; I’m not often impulsive. As the months went on, I found a quietness in my mind and natural state of mindfulness. I’m sleeping better, haven’t had issues with insomnia or alcohol addiction, haven’t had as many body image issues nor am I often plagued by inadequacy demons. I’ve come to learn I am the type of person who seeks meaningful connection; IG likes, comments, and viewers were only providing a vapid infusion to my needs. Without constructive feedback, I was left to my own devices to fill in the blanks; it caused too much outside noise of discernment. The community I’ve been longing for has come together with the work I’ve put in to maintain contact (contradictory thanks to IG), from middle school to coworkers to mom friends in SoCal; I’m grateful for the incredible, beautifully complex folks who show up for me just as much as I show up for them, I appreciate how much we support each other from life issue to life issue. Otherwise, I have the same personal goals I’ve always had: lift 3x/week, walk 10k steps, bang out 10 body weight pull ups; diet has been a bit of a yo-yo cuz I knew I wanted to go full YOLO on vacation. I plan to reestablish my calorie deficit when we return home on my birthday, I’ve found a new love with ice baths and cold showers (especially helpful for recovery and any lingering pain, tension, or headaches) and I finished therapy with my third therapist. I keep thinking of reestablishing journaling, yet another goal for future Sam to keep in mind.

Life as a sister… is still a work in progress, and it’s intentionally last on this last. Here’s where baby steps and patience have been my best friends. Similar to the growth I’ve experienced as a daughter, I no longer yearn for what is not there. I can grieve what is lost and move toward acceptance of the present.

[softestboygirlalive]

I keep a sexual fantasy journal and there is one excerpt that has been getting me off so hard every time I use it.

My partner in this fantasy is a dom. I will be using they/them for, well, them. They can be whoever you want ;) Mostly they refer to me using the masculine. You can assume that everything is consensual and has been discussed beforehand but I don’t really go over that type of thing in my journal it’s just my thoughts

Kinks: Piss, erotic piercings, erotic humiliation, crying (lots,) ear stimulation, temperature play, overstimulation

I usually grind softly on my stuffies and touch myself gently as I imagine being put in bondage, toying with my nipple piercings and pinching my clit as I imagine how it will go. I am usually tied or cuffed on a covered bed or massage table with my arms folded and bound together up over my head, my legs held in a fully folded and spread position with my toes, and a labia spreader wrapped around my thighs holding my pussy open.

I get so excited just thinking about my body spread open, helpless under the loaded gaze of my dom. In reality I reach for my suction vibrator and edge myself, but in my fantasy it is them teasing my first orgasm out of my wantonly exposed clit. When I cum, they don't stop. They torture my clit mercilessly but they know I reach my limit quickly that way, so they distract me a little by slipping a slick finger into my ass.

My desperate squirming does much of the work of opening me up. Time falls away, and the relentless stimulation continues until I can't do anything but pant and whine. They have four fingers deep inside me, and I am so aroused and open that they are drilling them around seemingly effortlessly.

Both hands slip away from me, and tears start to trickle down my cheeks as a result. Nothing happens for a while as they look their fill, stroking their cock with the hand they had inside me as they enjoy the messy picture I paint. My eyes closed, I hear a soft "fuck" drop from their lips and suddenly, I feel their mouth on my ass.

A kiss drops beside my hole gently but I almost feel like I imagined it because in the next instant, they are eating my ass like they are starving. Holding my cheeks apart, they lick and nibble all around my loose rim. They are making sounds of enjoyment and slurping loudly in concert with the gasps they are wrenching out of me because they know it makes me so, so embarrassed.

Once they are satisfied with their meal, they rise and squirt a generous dollop of intentionally cold lube straight into my loose and overheated asshole, making me squirm as I feel my pussy gush with the shock of it. They fuck into my absolutely dripping pussy just twice, only to slick themselves up. I am riding so high for those two thrusts, fresh tears springing up at how good my denied cunt feels. I sob aloud when they retract fully, and sob even louder again when they fill my ass in one strong motion.

They bottom out a few times then still, letting me feel their cock twitch and my ass clench in response. They grip my hair in one hand and my neck in the other and lean forwards so their mouth is at my left ear. Growling lowly, they speak.

"I'm going to take you apart."

Then, biting around my lobe none-too-gently, they start thrusting harshly. Growling and panting into my ear like an animal, teeth still clenched around it, they fuck me with the full, heavy length of their cock.

They treat my ear like they did my ass, mouthing it wetly and licking inside while muttering filthy things like how tight my ass is, how it belongs to them to use however they want. They tell me I am such a filthy slut for them and ask me if I'd let them do whatever they wanted. I say yes, anything, and they chuckle darkly.

"Anything?" they confirm, asking in a low, level voice tinted heavily with lust. I nod desperately, tears gathering in my eyes as I am railed hard. I have one hole achingly empty, spread and dripping, and the other is being continuously filled, causing my whole pelvic floor to clench sporadically. The contrast is so overwhelming that it is a sensation all on its own.

They groan in my left ear as a response to my affirmation, lick into it deeply then spit directly into my ear canal before shoving my head over to reveal my undefiled right ear. Holding my head in both hands possessively, they lean back in and growl,

"I'm going to cum so deep in your ass, so hard. But I'm not going to pull out. I'm going to stay inside you until I go down just enough to piss. Then I'm going to fill you the rest of the way up, just like you deserve."

At this point, I am so overwhelmed by the words and sensations traveling from my ear to my empty, aching pussy that I cum just from that and the cock in my ass. They don't stop talking or fucking me. They just let loose an "Oh, god," in response to my orgasm, and keep going with a,

"Fuck yes baby, I knew you'd like that, you're so filthy for me. After I cum in your ass I'm going to turn you over onto your knees so nothing spills as I fill you up all the way. Then I'm going to get the big plug while you keep your hole closed like a good boy, and I'm going to stop you up so that you stay nice and full for me. And do you want to know what I'm going to do to reward my baby boy for such filthy behavior?"

I whine and nod, unable to summon words of my own as my mind fills with lewd images at their bidding. They inhale and growl and lick my right ear. I can feel their cooling spit leaking out of my left ear and soaking the sheet it's pressed into. I can feel my spread pussy drooling slick down my taint and onto my rim and their cock.

"After you're plugged," they say in a soothing, babying tone, "I'm going to clean up your filthy, nasty holes. I'm going to get a needle and put a little gold ring through the hood of your clit. That way you’ll never forget how dirty you were for me, letting me do whatever I want to your greedy, slutty holes."

They intersperse their words with increasingly desperate thrusts into my asshole as they chase their pleasure, and with nips and licks and delivered directly to my ear. The words as much as the treatment cause me to moan loudly and writhe in my bonds. I know they are getting close, and I begin to tighten myself up for them in pulses that I am trying to keep rhythmic, but my body is quaking outside of my control.

Suddenly, they are following through with their threat to fill me up. They don't pull out as promised, and give us both a moment to catch our breath. My eyes are closed and my head is in the clouds, and I hear them ask for what seems the second time,

"Babydoll? color for me to fill you up with my piss next?"

I manage after a few tries to nod my head and desperately whine out a "please." They moan in anticipation and roll us over, staying inside while hitching me high onto my kneed and pushing at my shoulders to arch my back and press their semi as deep inside me as possible.

A new warmth floods inside me, at a higher pressure and greater quantity than I was prepared for. It's so overwhelmingly degrading that tears spring immediately from my eyes, and they make matters worse by reaching around and pinching and twisting my clit roughly. I can feel warmth dribbling down my leg and try to clench to stop it escaping. This makes them groan deeply, hips stuttering against me, and release even more strongly.

I'm crying fully at the humiliation, and the pain in my clit, and the rough way my body is being handled, and at the sheer intensity of how good it all is. I think I cum again but it doesn't even really matter, the tears are the better release.

They start to harden again, watching me cry as I take their piss, and the stream dwindles as they grow fully erect again. They grab my hair roughly in one hand again and my throat in the other, and say, "clench." I do and they moan. I clench as long as I can while they grind deeply into me without thrusting, sloshing the liquid around obscenely. When I release they breathe for a few seconds then say,

"Again."

This goes on for an indeterminate amount of time. Then they begin to slowly pull their cock out of me. I immediately start begging and pleading and crying more desperately for them to stay inside, don't leave, please, please, please fuck me more. They laugh, meanly, and keep pulling out, dragging out my torment. Their words betray tenderness, though, when they say,

"I'm not going anywhere, but if I fuck you the way I want then we'll just spill everything I put inside you." They finally slip out along with a dribble of piss and cum that I can feel running down the spread of my empty, swollen, throbbing pussy. I clench as tight as I can, and the sensations from that alone are almost enough to send me over the edge a second (third?) time.

I stay clenched as I sense their body heat withdraw fully, listening to the sounds of a drawer opening across the room. I know which plug they are getting,  and I know they moved it farther away on purpose so I would have to struggle with my task longer. Their hand runs up my arched spine soothingly, and I feel the cool tip of my favorite wide-based plug nudge at my rim. 

“Open,” they command, and start to push it steadily in. I loosen my muscles gradually as it eases in, finally relaxing all the way to let the widest part slip inside me. A healthy splash of liquid escapes, but it’s the last that does as the plug settles inside me. I whine at the feeling and squirm on my knees, testing the seal and humping the air.

“Disgusting.” 

I try to protest and shake my head but I know it’s true. They sound slightly in awe as they flip me over again and say, 

“That’s so fucking disgusting, I can’t believe you let me do that. You’re so good to me, the way you let me mess you up.” 

They bend and kiss me deeply, drawing a whine from my throat, then rise to a deep kneel above me, their cock level with my pussy. They begin to thrust against it, dragging their cock through the wetness of my spread labia. Pressing down on my hips with their thumbs brushing my swollen abdomen, they fuck against my pussy without giving me any penetration. I can feel my full belly, my aching cunt, the brief throbs of pleasure as their cockhead drags over my clit, and the stretched gape of my asshole. I can feel sloshing in my gut as their thrusts against my body shift me on the bed.

I fall into a haze of sensation and am lost there, only dimly aware of the steady trail of tears across my cheeks and our joined sounds of pleasure, until I feel warmth bloom across my pussy as they paint it with their cum. My eyes open and I look down to see their cock in their hand. They shudder as they milk the last of their release out onto me. 

Looking me over with a dark, satisfied expression on their face, they start to clean me up. They briefly depart to wash their hands and on their return they pull on a pair of black gloves. The sight sends a shiver down my spine in anticipation and I close my eyes as they check over their tools and ask,

“Color?” For me to give you your reward and leave my mark on your clit?” 

Without opening my eyes I say, “Green.” 

I feel gloved fingers disinfect my clit and the surrounding area, the alcohol cold and biting on my overheated flesh. It feels so degrading to be handled clinically after everything they did to me, and fresh tears spring up as they pierce me through the hood, to the right of my clit, insert the jewelry, then clean the area one last time. They lick my tears up wordlessly, take off their gloves, and set about releasing me.  

I can’t move, ragdolled as they work, and they start murmuring praises as they handle my loose limbs. About how good I did, how much they love how depraved I am willing to get for them. How good it felt. They set my plushie in my arms and pull a blanket over me, letting me lie for a bit as they clean up their tools. 

When they are done, they usher me to the bathroom, guide me to a squat in the shower and begin to work the plug loose. I’m crying again, shame at the treatment flooding my senses and reminding me that my pussy is STILL empty. It feels like it’s crying for attention but I know asking won’t get me anything, at least in that regard. 

The prodding at my other hole finally bears fruit and the plug pops out with a sound and a rush of liquid that wrenches a whine out of me. They turn the water on, directing it towards the wall until the temp is good. They soothe me with a hand running up and down my back as I sob. Their other hand delivers gentle touches to the un-pierced side of my clit and the underside of my tits that make my soft cries hitch. 

The water is warm so they begin to shower us, interspersing the task with continuous touches, so gentle that I don’t forsee them pushing me over any sort of edge. But they build on each other, never intensifying but not stopping either. I slip suddenly into a blinding climax that is over in an instant and leaves me shuddering in overstimulation as their hand doesn’t stop. They keep going until my cries shift and a “yellow” is on the tip of my tongue. Then they shut off the shower, bundle us into towels, and usher us back to the other room. They start to strip the pads off the bed and dazedly I help them. They smile at my weak efforts, but let me help, knowing I need to sometimes. 

They tuck me back in, giving me my plushie back and my water as well. I am swimming in thoughts of everything we just did, flushing with embarrassment and what would be arousal if I wasn’t so spent. I look at them and they croon like you would to a pouting puppy.

“Ohhh, my sweet thing, why are you looking at me like that? Are you feeling naughty after everything I put you through?”

I nod and ask, “Did you mean it when you called me disgusting?”

They crawl into the bed and wrap me in their arms, kissing my head tenderly as they say condescendingly,

“Awe, baby, of course I did.”

[umbravirtus]

Hans dried his hands as he listened to Anna, as he heard her heart shatter and she shared once again her hurt, her sorrows, her fears with him, as once again she willingly bared her heart to him.

He took her in his arms and encouraged her to cry to let it go as it became more and more clear she hadn't given herself enough time to do so, Elsa's earlier words echo now in Hans' mind, but he had been occupied with thinking of himself and Wolfgang to properly pay attention to them now, in context, he understood.

In that embrace, he puts a kiss on her hair, and without letting her go, he picks his words as carefully as he can. "Freckles," He says "Farmer Hans and Joan can live this idyllic domestic life for the rest of their natural lives, but at the end of the day, I'm still Prince Hans and you're still soon to be Queen Anna." He pauses to lessen the blow "The bubble will be broken either way by the people we truly are because we're walking in two different directions in life, but, we have to choose what's right for us and take the right next step forward, otherwise, we will be stuck pretty as the bubble is, both of us hate being stuck," He reason then adds "maybe we can find a way to walk together in life, not as our personas but as ourselves."

He takes her hand and coaxes her to the table so they can sit, facing each other, and talk. "I know breaking the bubble is scary, I am scared too." He admits "But let's walk out of it together, slowly." his fingers intertwine with hers

He brings her hand to his lips and kisses the back of it as if this was their first reunion. "Hi, I'm Prince Hans" he smiles as charming as ever though by now Hans hopes Anna can see the pain in his eyes he purposely left behind Of the southern Isles, which was a can of worms to uncover a little later during their conversation.

"I'd like a simple life for myself, but to walk with you, in life, I can be your consort, sharing the load with whatever duties you need me to do," He tells her "Or I can just stand next to you at events and look pretty, just as much as I'm willing to share with you everything I know and everything I am," he thought what else to say. "Given my history of crimes against Arendelle and other kingdoms, it may be best if I didn't receive any titles."

"I do love reading, I do love baking, I have a love-hate relationship with the color red." he leads her to what he's trying to accomplish here.

"I won't lie, I have my own hang-ups on the topic of children, mostly as it pertains to my family, my father, and my heritage, but I want them, I don't want a lot, given my own life experience with having a lot of siblings, but I would like an even number, so 2 or 4, more than 4 is a deal breaker for me." he bites his lips "What about you?"

"I--I kind of have to but I thought the logistics of it could be worked out later. Maybe I ride to work and back," she reasons and comes to the realization that the logistics were what cracked the foundation of her relationship with Kristoff. "That was idealistic, I know, I just feel ...I feel ...I don't want to lose this, whatever it is." She chastises herself for being too cowardly to say the words, to speak the potential to be hurt again into existence.

"The breakup between Kristoff and I wasn't amicable. I might have minimalized it," she admits. "Everything was wonderful for four years but when Elsa abdicated and everything started changing Kristoff couldn't take the pressure. It started with will we have kids -- which is a yes for me -- but he has these abandonment issues from being orphaned and he doesn't want kids at all. When I was Princess Anna, it never came up. He said he assumed since Elsa was Queen, she'd end up in an arranged marriage and make little heirs so we didn't have to. He told me he didn't want to be king, it was all becoming too much, too real and he needed to sort himself out." She looks at Hans then, tears pooling in her eyes.

"I did everything right. I took my time, and I built a foundation I believed could withstand anything, but I was wrong. I don't want to lose you the same way. I'm scared of breaking this bubble we're in."

[your-local-whisp]

My wisdom teeth are coming in. I’m scared.

But that’s not important right now.

I had the weirdest dream last night. It’s split in two parts and both are about a zombie apocalypse. The second one is kinda sweet or about as sweet as you can get in a zombie apocalypse.

Anyways

Part 1.

Im I’m a big house that I assume live with my family. I’m walking and on the there’s a glass door and I look out at the front yard and I see people running towards the house. And I’m just kinda confused why but then I see firefighters and police and basically a lot of people in suits. I hear screaming and then our fucking door gets busted open and I start running to the kitchen but then I trip and fall and this fucking zombie dude stops next to me points and laughs say “hah I bit you” and like the coward that he is runs away to bite someone else. I don’t remember much afterwards only that I think I saved some people and then ended up in a grocery store.

In dreamworld I 10/10 recommend being a zombie. It’s kinda fun honestly.

Anyways

Part 2.

I’m in an office building in an empty room. By the door there a kinda like hiding spot so that whoever is behind it can’t really be seen by anyone in the room from any point. Now I’ve had this dream before and so everything was incredibly familiar except the fact that I’m in the hiding space and my dream friend is by the glass door on the opposite side of the room. I’m absolutely terrified for no apparent reason and then the door slams open and I see my friend leave me with like 7 other people including the guy that just busted down the door. She just fucking ups and vanishes shutting and locking the glass doors from the outside so we can’t fucking leave or run away. And then I’m hit with what looks like a swarm of flies or something and the force was enough to push me back into the wall and I collapse and then wake up in a grocery store. It’s me and the 6 other people from the building and that one guy who kicked the door down. Fast forward I find out that me and the 6 people where hit by whatever virus created the zombies that now free roam outside but because the virus was too fucking pure so now we can infect other people and technically count as “zombies” but we still act very much human and look it to. And also the guy that broke down the door was the one that infected us and I quite straight from dreamland “I wanted a family”.

Anyway now that that was cleared up for us we started roaming around the store mostly the sweets section. Some guy that I’m pretty sure I’ve seen in my PE class finds a packet of brown sugar cubes that I guess you just eat cause that’s what he did. It didn’t look like he liked um but he still ate them so. Everyone’s kinda calm and shit sitting stretched out against the floor leaning on each other and playing on their phones since electricity and Wi-Fi still worked I guess. I start panicking I guess. I hyperventilate and then I started mumbling words like “why did she leave me” and “was I not good enough for her” and “did I make her upset”. And I guess I was a bit loud cause then the guy I think is from my PE class hands me the last packet of the brown sugar cubes and he looks at me with these worried eyes and I force myself to calm down. I eat the cubes and honestly in the situation could live if those but in real life wouldn’t recommend. I don’t remember what happens after that but it was something about an old lady talking to me about the sugar cubes that I squished in my hands before eating. And then I’m sitting down again and the guy that infected us with the damn virus talks to me. And by talks to me I mean like he looks at me sees dries tears and launches himself at me and talks to me as I break down in his arms crying about why my friend would leave me. Now at this point I’m not even sure the girl was a friend or a partner that didn’t really care. But this guy keeps comforting me until I stoped crying and then continued to cuddle me until I “fell asleep” and woke up back in the cold sad reality.

Moral of the story is I was emotionally vulnerable to some y for once in my life and it was a dream. So I’m gonna go to school and cry now.

Bye bye I hope you all meet the loves of your lives and live a happily ever after.

[perpetual-fool]

(cw: violence, suicide)

Everything hurts. I've been trying to push forward with feelings things, it feels like walking into a biting cold wind. It's like the whole world is a fantasy. Most things have something off about them, and the things that seem nice are outside my reach. Nothing I'm feeling is good. Mostly it's pain, fear, cognitive dissonance.

And my mind is wandering to imagining being harassed. I can't imagine that ending in any other way than violence. Not that I think that would end well for me. I guess I'm imagining things like as it was back in second grade, though it never really got better. People will beat you down, take everything from you, and then make you thank them for it. And the only way to make them stop is to hurt them. But you can't just hurt them a little, then they'll just push you more. You don't count as a person unless you can inflict grievous bodily harm. I should have beaten my sister half to death. That would have been the only way to make her stop, to make her leave me alone. Maybe I should have put my father in the hospital when I tried to remove myself from the situation to calm down, but he followed me out and kept provoking me. I should have smashed his skull on the concrete when he told me that what I was doing was 'a cry for help'. But nothing I could do would ever be enough. Like, the only answer to harassment is violence, but it's only legal to use violence in response to violence. So anything I could do to protect myself would only bring more violence. That sort of parallels just asking people to stop, asking will make them harass me more. There's not even any point in it as a sacrifice. Like, maybe I would need to break someone's arm to splinters to stop them from touching me, and I would effectively lose my life for it. But maybe they'd at least learn not to touch people, and it would do some good for someone else? But it wouldn't. They wouldn't learn any lesson. They fully believe the have the right to do whatever they want to me, they wouldn't think they did anything wrong. Maybe it would help if I killed them? Removed their ability to do any harm. But pretty much everyone is a monster, culling one wouldn't make any meaningful difference. Nor would it really make any difference if it were most of them. It's just how they are, there's no helping it.

Being this upset is probably bad for my heart. It'd be.. I don't have a word for it. heartbreaking? devastating? to fuck it up again when I just had surgery. I think I'd be better off just killing myself if that happened. That's the only real way out anyway. What's the point? Trying to make myself numb wasn't good enough. Anything that makes me feel good now is just going to make me feel worse later, alcohol or whatever. The only time things were ever better was when I thought I had someone I could connect with, and I can never have that. What else is there? What other good is there in this world?

Apparently I need to be more careful about my vitamin D. Not that the issues aren't real. I'm not quite that bad right now, but there have been times where I did all the things just in case and it didn't help.

- I was looking at five string violas/violins again. I still think they'd be ideal for lead melody, however you'd phrase that. I think electric would ultimately be the most useful, but there are some issues with that. Foremost is the muting problem. That is, anytime the bow is on the string but not moving, it silences the string. Such as when changing bowing direction or ending a note. On acoustic it would keep ringing, but on electric it doesn't. A lot of demonstrations I've run across have that problem. It seems like it could be fixed with technique but that's unclear to me. Another is that most purely electric five-strings are violins. So, scale length is definitely an issue, multi-scale guitars are a thing for a reason. It's definitely a problem with seven-strings, one guy said if he doesn't cover up the problem with his amp/pedals then the lower strings sound like "angry bee farts". And on acoustic it's very clear-cut, a violin-sized body doesn't have enough punch for a low C string. But on electric, is it enough of a problem to be a problem? I dunno. Also I'm worried I might need a larger instrument to fit my hands. I played a 16.5" viola (I think), and was told that's the largest they had. I could maybe handle a 17". But supposedly the only reason they give you a viola as big as you can handle is because an acoustically ideal viola is too big to play under the chin. There's not really any information on how small is too small. I guess those are the only real problems. The other issues are 'instruments are expensive' and I'm not sure whether I should get an acoustic-electric or just an electric.

This would be getting ahead of myself. One instrument doesn't really sound like much on its own, so I'd really need recording equipment to make any meaningful music with it. Although maybe if I work out some kind of neck strap situation I could sing along with it.

And really, the big problem is knowing what I'd do with it. I guess I'm trying to make sense of my past. It's something that was more or less pushed on me, and I'm trying to make it fit. Which is all wrong. Ideally, I'd already know what I want to express, and would hove some reason to think that instrument would help me say it. Not knowing what's in there to get out is sort of the whole issue.

In that regard orchestra as a whole seems very wrong to me. I mean, if you want to be a cog in the machine and help realize someone else's vision, fine. But the whole process left me a soulless robot. And I haven't seen anything to make me think it gets any better. Not that I would really know, but there doesn't seem to be much of any artists doing new things on strings like how new rock/folk/whatever bands keep popping up. It seems to just be the same shit over and over. Which again, is fine, that's not in itself a bad thing. But it would be like if there were barely any new plays and people just kept doing Shakespeare again. (Though, I also wouldn't know about that.) And 'rock' strings gives me these rancid 'we can be cool too' vibes, sort of like Christian rock. There are two main things that bother me, rock covers and rockified classical. The latter is probably easier to explain. So like, I ran across this group, Tempus Quartet, doing a Vivaldi piece but with guitar and stuff. The problem being that Vivaldi was already saying something, and the guitar and stuff clashes with that. It ruins the piece. And the former, guitar and stuff does not translate to strings. Like, guitar is inherently rhythmic due to being plucked, and strings are inherently kind of not since bowing is soft. The vocal part doesn't work because you can't say words on violin nor match the timbre, melodically it's overly simplistic. So usually they jump from the lead guitar part to the vocals, going from fast and boring to slow and boring. Strings just have their own voice and really can't mimic anything else. And that's assuming they're doing it well, which I generally don't think they are, but that could get very pedantic. Honorable mention goes to the costumes and the dancing(?). For example, anything by Mia Asano. Or maybe it would be more fair to go after Mark Wood since Mia is still pretty young. I guess I feel like if you have to perform 'cool', then you weren't cool to begin with. But there seem to be entire genres built around that, so I probably just don't get it.

[ambreiiigns]

more details under the cut bc i wanna Talk Abt It over a warm mug of milk + nutella but it's kinda Sensitive Topics so. watch out

so slaughtered vomit dolls. UGEEUARGH <- retch sound effect i Hated it. it was NOTHING it was so nothing you could watch it w your mom no problem i hated it so much it was so disappointing. on every list of disturbing movies tm you'll hear bitches talk abt this & the vomit gore series like it's the end of the world. girl it's nothing. hereditary was worse. it's so try hard and lazy at the same time you wouldn't think it possible. like they really wanted this to give me trauma + depression but all the could think of doing is the janky saw editing and Sex Worker With A Tragic Backstory ??? come on. it's boobs. you think i'm scared of boobs ??? i'm not. bitch. boo sex workers be upon ye are you frightened. no. it was just. oooo sex worker tragic backstory smeared makeup are you Disturbed ? no ? what if there's some blood ? still nothing ? aw man :/ genuinely it was just. nudity. implied sex. one girl gets her eyes gauged out. another one gets her face peeled off. another one gets her arm chopped off. a man gets his head chopped in half and then the guy who did it picks up his brain and eats it ajdjajjf and those bits kinda ATE! in between is shots of main character monologuing abt her life and or crying. main character making herself throw up. guy throws up in a mug and drinks it then throws it back up then drinks it again and so on for a bit. that was kinda the only thing that made me go Ew. but also whatever. like it wad SUCH a waste of an hour i was so disappointed. that leads me to a crossroads of well then i gotta try at least another one to see if it gets worse but on the other side it's confirmation that it is not worth it so. who knows. ONE win i have to hand over is that the blood and gore and sfx were better than i thought i had some fun w those but that's ALL. there wasn't even that much vomit like i was READY to frow up myself but it was NOTHINGGGG like i thought they were going at LEAST for a gross out type but they couldn't even pull THAT off ??? like i didn't expect it to change my life to be so clear but i was ready to be at least disgusted and it was just a bunch of nothing. she kills herself at the end and i was jealous

now GUINEA PIG 2 FLOWER OF FLESH AND BLOOD i have more respect for the guinea pig series those kinda SLAP!!!! KINDA FUN!!!! they're not as bad as people make them sound tbh ? half of them are straight up Silly. second one is a lot of people's fave so i went w that but i feel like i made the wrong choice i feel like maybe first one has more chances of fucking w me idk. anyway it was good. 40 solid minutes of practical sfx from the 80s. what's not to like. that's my SHIT i'm a SUCKER for those and you give me a short movie that's just THAT the whole time?!??! i am SO DOWN!!! it's just slow methodical dismemberment of a person. it was Good. sometimes. the puppet just looked goofy. sometimes the skin was too squishy and it was filled w red jelly but the bones were nice. i loved it. it was ridiculous. not much to say here just :^)

BUT!!! THE STAR THE MAIN EVENT. ICHI THE KILLER OHHHH MY GOD i don't even know what to SAY cause i liked it SO MUCH but it was SO WEIRD !!!!!!! THERE'S calm down there's two main guys mostly one is ichi ofc the other is kakihara. now THAT one i am IN LOVE W HIM he is so quirky he is so cunty i do Not know his deal he's like terrifying to his fellow gang members but he carries himself likes he's harmless And death itself at all times he wears the cuntiest little outfits ever his hair is bleached blonde he has fucked up scars on his face and weird piercings but it turns out the piercings on his cheeks actually serve to keep his face together bc it's split Open at the sides of his mouth and he does this trick of removing those piercings to catch some guy's WHOLE FIST IN HIS MOUTH AND BITE SOME FLESH OFF HELLOOOO!!!!! he cuts off the tip of his tongue to apologize his weapon of choice is Big Needles he has a pain kink he had some sort of homoerotic relationship w his boss bc he was the only one who knew how to beat him up right and when he gets killed kakihara is desperately looking for someone else who can make him fear for his life and gets SO GIDDY when he hears abt this ichi guy bc he hopes he's gonna put the fear of god into him GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!! ichi on the other hand is a wet little meow meow who i find endearing but has some Strange Stances on important topics such as sex and women so Huh. but also everything he thinks he knows abt his life is Lies that some guy put in his head to manipulate him into a sick killing machine and he's always just whining and crying and has a boner that he doesn't always know how to deal with except at the very beginning bc this movie has the SICKEST opening titles of all times aka ichi jerks off and the puddle of cum on the floor forms the title of the movie. WHERE WILL YOU EVER SEE SOMETHING LIKE THIS. GOD. the story is mostly just. boss gets killed by ichi gang tries to solve the mystery of who did it while ichi cries everytime he's on screen but kills 20 people in one go when he gets his head in the game. of course the gore is insane here the kills are sick as Fuck but it Was 2001 so everything is just done w horrible cgi but you know WHAT. i will accept it this once. bc you could have Not gotten this ridiculous w practical. and if you Did it wouldn't have looked half as bad as it looks and it would have lost charm. it's perfect. all the plot points tie together nicely and all the characters are cool and Yet it manages to be weird and confusing and surreal and i love it so so much. only reason why i won't blindly recommend to anyone i meet is there are a few instances of sexual violence that i wish weren't there but unfort not only are they there but they're also like important for the plot so. can't win 'em all ig

aight so i Have been saying that i was gonna do child's play + evil dead for halloween right. but i DIDN'T. mainly bc bigger series bigger commitment i'm distracted w other things AND i'm at my family home not uni home so i can't put my whole pussy into watching movies + for some reason my puter won't connect to the wifi at home but it works at uni and i'd rather watch movies on puter if it's a bigger deal. anyway. so my newer plan was watching some horrid fucked up movies for halloween. but my halloween Blowed this year it flunked so hard it was miserable i watched NOTHING. luckily in my brain halloween ends november 24th so i still have time. so today i made up for my lame halloween night and watched somenof the Horrid Fucked Up Movies i planned. i don't know why i'm ashamed to admit to what i've watched. promise you'll still love me so so much pls

[ayrsontenna]

Hey it’s one of those question thingies! Thank you @marieshyperf1xations for tagging me <3

Are you named after anyone?

Nope, my parents just wanted a nice sounding name, no homages to anyone.

When was the last time you cried?

Don’t remember really, I don’t cry very often…

Do you have kids?

No, thank God.

What sports do you play/have played?

I used to play handball at school, but stopped when I graduated. Now I occasionally play volleyball with my friends, and if it counts, I run, cycle, and I’m recently learning how to roller skate.

Do you use sarcasm?

Mostly when I’m upset, other than that it’s very rare.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

The way they talk, I don’t know why lmao and the way they treat other people, if I don’t like it, I don’t even bother with them.

What’s your eye color?

Light brown. Kinda boring, I know.

Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies! Love ‘em.

Any talents?

I’m not going to say talent, but I’m very adept at most types of art and have tried a lot of different mediums. My favorite ones so far are painting, drawing and music, even if I haven’t played any instruments in a while so I’m rusty.

Where were you born?

My whole blog is Ayrton Senna themed, so it’s not hard to guess lol

Brasil-sil-sil samba football caipirinha giant jesus come to brasil

What are your hobbies?

Oof there are a LOT. Drawing, painting, reading (I really need to pick this one back up again), watching movies, playing acoustic guitar (also need to pick this one back up again), crochet, baking, handcrafts in general (whatever I feel like making), hyperfixating (I mean… look at this blog), sometimes I write?? Don’t know if it counts as a hobby

Do you have any pets?

I have a cat named Max that appeared on this blog already, a turtle named Lilica, and I had a dog named Penelope. Max is the laziest cat I’ve ever met I swear to God, Lilica likes to bite fingers, and Penelope used to be pretty civil with anything that wasn’t another dog.

How tall are you?

158cm, which is 5’2?? Idk

Favorite subject in school?

I really liked History, Biology, Physics, Sociology and Philosophy. I wasn’t very good at Math but liked it.

Dream job?

Anything to do with art. Can’t even imagine myself doing anything else.

If you read this whole thing till the end you’re tagged, like those facebook curse chains, the only difference is that if you don’t want to do it nothing bad happens cause those things were dumb.