your-local-whisp

[your-local-whisp]

Dear Diary, I have been ignoring you.

Seriously tho I’ve been doing absolutely nothing other than moving. School has already started, I’m on my second week. So there will be very little talk of blue and the others(Very sad they will be missed). But anyways story time, so if it isn’t obvious or if I haven’t said it yet I’m gay. I’m panromantic and honestly it kinda sucks in the way i feel i can never find someone to be with romantically which i know “Whisp you can like anyone, just pick one and go with it”. Well i tried with two others and that got nowhere cause they were all straight as hell but that’s ok.

So you know the saying “Never say never”? Yeah well two days ago i tested fate because holy fluff am i desperate.

Anyways it worked.

I have a lunch date with this person. I am very excited for said date with said person. I’m anxious by design so I’ve quite literally made a list of questions to loosely follow to ask them so we can get to know each other. I hope it goes well and will lead to something more than just a few dates but it’s ok if it doesn’t. Wish me luck Diary I’m gonna need it

Sincerely,

Your local Whisp

[your-local-whisp]

I’m friends with idiots.

Also I’m alive.

Kinda.

So blue got her foot run over on what like Wednesday? Yeah.

And she still came to school!

She stayed for our first class because and I quote “I have them” as she points to me. I love you to but like go to the doctor!?! She stays for the entirety of first period before I dragged her ass to the nurses office. She didn’t come to school on Thursday as I barely convinced her not to but she did go on Friday because she payed for a school field trip and was not gonna miss out on going. She agreed to go to the doctors afterwards tho so I was hoping she would follow through. Come Saturday and I’m sent a video at 10:55 after I have knocked out telling me that she just got back and wont be going to the doctors on Chinese new year. I hope she has a really good day today because tomorrow I will be kicking her ass all the way to the doctors office.

Please wish my friends a healthy life because at this point I really think they all just want to die.

[your-local-whisp]

I’m alive

Just rotting in bed for the majority of my winter break. It’s almost over as well so I have to fix my sleep schedule quickly and finish the work I didn’t do for Monday.

[your-local-whisp]

I have not been on here in a bit. But just so you know I’m alive.

Kinda

I’m still going to school and am still in yearbook

I have finals next week.

I am not exited

I think I might throw myself of a bridge just so I don’t have to do them

[your-local-whisp]

I wanted to make cookies. I had everything ready to make them I just need to heat up the damn oven. The fucking devil asked her demon spawn what she wanted for breakfast and she said French toast and this fucking devil decided oh I’m gonna make cookies so she takes over the fucking oven like I’m not even their. My mother told me I could make some and I even got my grandmothers permission even tho I don’t need it. I went to tell my grandma what happened and she just told me to wait until the devil was done and then I could make it.

I’m honestly so done with this. It’s not even about the cookies. I can’t fucking breath

[your-local-whisp]

Remember the cousin that socked me in the eye. Well her friends are coming over today and on Friday. I knew they’d be here Friday so I’m going ice skating with blue since blues mom is also back from overseas with her father and she wants to get out of the house. I was however unaware about them coming over today. My mother was as well and she’s going to a doctors appointment for my brother and I can’t go so I’ll be at home with the snakes. I doubt my cousin told her friends what really happened tho so they hopefully will stay in her room and leave me alone. I’ve been given permission to do my own shit and not listen to my grandmother if she tells me to stay in my room or to be quiet because some girls are over.

On top of I guess the preparations of these friends coming over the devil(my “Tia”) has been washing hers and the demons clothes and sheets all day yesterday and they’ve continued on today. Usually my grandma unforced that my mother must only do two washes a day because she “heard” from the neighbors gossiping about what they heard from the association people walking around. However for some reason the devil is the only acceptance and now the washing machine is pretty much broken. And now everything is being “organized” and moved around outside to make it look like we actually get along and aren’t completely broken or something. It’s kinda nice this but everything is being piled up in the room my mother and brother sleeps in. My shit is also being pushed into my room despite that a lot of it stays outside cause that’s where it belongs.

I’m not excited to see where any of this goes. I refuse to stay inside my room all day tho.

Hope you all don’t ever struggle with this and if you do I hope you get out of that situation safely.

[your-local-whisp]

I realize I haven’t updated in a while

Buckle yourself up people cause this is a rollercoaster

So crush I got her number talked to her multiple times and have decided that while I do still really like her that I’m to emotionally unavailable and not ready for a relationship yet. I would also like to focus more on my studies as I have been doing a lot better this year and would like to continue doing good.

So while I still have a crush on her I will no longer be trying to date her or anything of the such.

Anyways

I’ve been stressing a lot recently. I’ve had a bad migraine that lasted three days and am now back from school early today cause I had a headache.

I’ve got a shit ton of homework to do and not a lot of time. But guess what I’m doing.

Cuddling my cousins dog.

The one that would continuously wake me up at 6:00.

He’s cute but he got a trim and now he looks like Edna from the incredibles or that one short lord guy from shrek.

Anyways I’m gonna go take a nap and try not to worry about my overall mental, physical, and emotional health.

I hope everyone has a better day than me.

[your-local-whisp]

Update on yesterday

So

Crush is still coming today for interview. On top of that two other people will be coming in and ghost and blue decided that they wanted to watch me die while attempting to talk to her. Also my partner won’t be coming to tutorial so I have to interview 5 people by myself.

I think I’ll actually just kill myself

[your-local-whisp]

So

My friends if I can even call them that were very stupid today and they did a very stupid think.

So it’s a regular day right

Wrong

We go to all our classes eat our lunch talk like normal friends do

And then we reach English and it’s like all the niceness just leaves their bodies and it’s back to teasing me about my crush. I don’t have a nickname to call her on here yet so I’ll continue to call her crush.

We leave English bell rings everyone has cleared the halls in a matter of seconds and you know what these assholes(ghost and blue) do? I’m attempting to push them outside and away from the doors of our class and blue fucking screams “CRUSH WHISP LIKES YOU” and at that point I’ve already given up attempting to pull them away and already have a foot at the door to run away. These motherfuckers are laughing while they walk towards me. Thankfully crush gets picked up on the other side of school so I don’t have to worry about her seeing us.

But my stupid ass decided to call her in tomorrow for a yearbook interview. Hopefully she forgets everything that happened today.

I hope you all have luck with your crushes and that your friends support you cause obviously mine want me dead.

[your-local-whisp]

Guess who convinced their mother to let them stay home so they didn’t have to see their crush today

Me

Ok hear me out. I really like her but seeing her at ulta scared the shit out of me and on top of that making plans with an old friend was a lot. Plus I didn’t want to go to school today. I even made it fair and made sure my brother could stay home.

I just texted the old friend who I’m gonna call lion cause it fits him. So I just texted lion with the help of my mother and I don’t know what to do anymore. It feels all awkward talking to someone I knew but now don’t know anything about.

Anyways wish me luck as I cry in the corner of our family car.

Hope you all have luck with friends and crushes

[your-local-whisp]

Guess who saw their crush at Ulta.

Me

I’m gonna throw up.

She’s so fucking pretty dude.

My brother was pushing me quite literally and figuratively out of the line for the register to go talk to her. I was a coward and we bought our stuff and left. And then a childhood friend got back in contact with me again. We have made plans to see each other next Saturday.

I think I’m actually cursed.

Like I’m gonna go and do a whole smoke cleanse on our house and then I’m gonna go and buy some new evil eye bracelets.

Really hope you all have a good life with no bad luck curses

[your-local-whisp]

She’s the “Straightest Girl in Theater” apparently. My first crush and she’s seen as the straightest in the theater program.

Am I cursed because wtf. Ghost who is in theater was the one who told me this and I want to strangle him now. He could have just let me live my life with my stupid crush in peace but nooo.

Anyways if she is actually straight since ghost isn’t 100% sure I’ll just wait out the crush so I do t make her uncomfortable.

But until I find out if she actually is straight ghost and blue are dead set on setting me and her up on a date. Like yesterday at the end of school they dragged me so they could force me to talk to her and thankfully they lost her trail. But she’s in our English class so this will most likely be a reoccurring thing for either as long as I have a crush on her or until we find out if she is 100% straight.

On the other hand my freshmen Tiger plans to help them and if that one doesn’t work out her and ghost will quite literally be cherry picking a pretty girl for me to like next. Which I appreciate the attempt but I feel I may be cursed to fall for the straight meat girls in our school. I’m knocking on wood hoping that isn’t true.

Anyways I hope no one else is struggling with a first time crush and that if you are that it works out and you aren’t left sobbing in the closet that you came out of 2 years ago.

What has my life come to

[your-local-whisp]

I have a crush

And it’s crushing me

She’s really pretty and I don’t know what to do.

She’s in my English class.

I have a crush and I know that. If anyone can help me please I don’t know what I’m doing.

I don’t know if she’s even any kind of gay. She could be straight with a boyfriend or homophobic. Or even fucking worst she could be really fucking nice and straight.

I told myself I would force the crush away but my friend told me not to cause it fucks you up. I trust her cause she has had a few relationships before and is currently dealing with her own crush.

I really need some crush advice. Specifically how to know if she’s queer and how to talk to your crush.

Thank you

I hope none of you are suffering whatever illness this is cause it feels really weird.

[your-local-whisp]

A I know it’s Saturday but I still have shit to talk about.

So remember poodle. I know I posted that on Friday but all of that happened on Thursday. Friday was absolute chaos. And if I don’t make sense I just woke up like an hour ago and was just kind marinating in sadness on my bed until like 20 minutes ago.

Anyways

Break happens right. Blue, crow, and I (as ghost doesn’t sit with us at break) where standing/sitting in front of the art classrooms as we usually do. And poodle walks up to us which I expected but wasn’t really sure if I liked it. But I don’t know how to express that so I just let him stay. We talk bell rings we go to class. My friend who we will call Tiger warned me of this guy yesterday when I mentioned him which is why I’m a bit weary on letting him join us.

So Tiger texts me saying if she and her friend come over to our group during lunch. I ask and receive the go ahead and tell her of course nobody minds at all. But I warn her that poodle most likely will be there and she says that she won’t let him ruin her fun.

Skip two classes and lunch rolls around. As expected poodle shows up. At the moment it was just crow and I as Blue had to go print something. Everything is going good until chaos shows up in the form of Tiger and her friend who we will call Pomeranian. They come over making a bit of noise and instantly I’m filled with either absolute dread for what’s about to happen or delight because I don’t have to deal with poodle by myself.

Chaos

That’s all I knew for like the first 20 minutes before Blue came back. A little information that I don’t think I mentioned yesterday. I like to fiddle with things a lot, and sometimes I’ll ask people I know if I can kinda just hold their hand if I don’t have anything else to fiddle with. On Thursday I had asked ghost if I could hold his hand and he said no but poodle saw this and held my hand for the entirety of lunch. It was a bit awkward cause I just met him but not uncomfortable. And today as well I held his hand, not all lunch just for a couple minutes cause I didn’t really feel like having any form of physical contact that day. He complimented how soft my hands felt and it was kinda awkward but I said thanks. Halfway through he asks to see my smile and Tiger is weirded out by this and asks why he said that which I’m thankful for cause didn’t really know what to say. A few minutes before the bell rang he asked me if I held hands with anyone else and I mean the fact that I asked ghost should have made it very obvious that I do but I didn’t say anything and just kinda ignored that. I don’t know if he is interested in any way but I’m not. I really hope I’m taking it the wrong way.

I really need help tho. What the fuck do I do if this situation happens again. I don’t know if I can handle having this guy sit with us. I’ve already asked Blue to hold my hand all of Monday to keep me out of this situation again and to hopefully show that I’m in no way interested in him other than being friends.

[your-local-whisp]

I met someone today. Like a new friend and not a crutch. I’m gonna call him poodle.

So let’s set the scene.

It’s lunch and I’m sitting in a shaded area with my friends. I ask ghost “if our group was a bunch of animals what animal would each of us be?”. Ghost like the demon that he is has already fucking prepared for this question and starts rapid firing reasons on why Blue is an otter and why our other friend (I don’t know if I mentioned or gave him a nickname but we call him crow so I’ll call him that) crow is a golden retriever as he is the only one in the group without trauma. His most traumatic memory was almost getting hit by a firework and his parents are divorced but can somehow engage in friendly conversation without fighting. Which I didn’t even know was possible but you know. And whole ghost is “harassing” crow poodle comes in and asks what’s happening and why this poor guy is being bullied. Then he joins in and says that crow is a dachshund which everyone agrees on. I called him a pug cause he kinda gave me that vibe. We ended up on poodle for him cause of his curly hair.

Anyways I don’t know how it happened but I remember asking ghost for his hand so I can fiddle with it cause I’m attempting to work my way up to being comfortable with touch. And like always he refuses but then poodle lightly grabs my hands and lets me fiddle with them. And we kinda just talk a tiny bit about why I do it how it feels and then I kinda zoned out for a while and then the bell rang and I had to go to PE. But like damn I was stressed the whole day then all of a sudden I’m like calm and shit half asleep walking with my eyes half closed. I do t know what it is about soft touches but they just put me to sleep I swear.

Anyways I found out from my freshman that poodle who is a junior is dating a freshman. Now the others minus crow are aware but I have been advised against being his friend but soon contacting the mother ship I have found out as a freshman mother ship dated a senior so I don’t know anything anymore.

I think of poodle wants to join the group he can as long as he is not mean or attempts to do anything bad to our group and others.

[your-local-whisp]

My wisdom teeth are coming in. I’m scared.

But that’s not important right now.

I had the weirdest dream last night. It’s split in two parts and both are about a zombie apocalypse. The second one is kinda sweet or about as sweet as you can get in a zombie apocalypse.

Anyways

Part 1.

Im I’m a big house that I assume live with my family. I’m walking and on the there’s a glass door and I look out at the front yard and I see people running towards the house. And I’m just kinda confused why but then I see firefighters and police and basically a lot of people in suits. I hear screaming and then our fucking door gets busted open and I start running to the kitchen but then I trip and fall and this fucking zombie dude stops next to me points and laughs say “hah I bit you” and like the coward that he is runs away to bite someone else. I don’t remember much afterwards only that I think I saved some people and then ended up in a grocery store.

In dreamworld I 10/10 recommend being a zombie. It’s kinda fun honestly.

Anyways

Part 2.

I’m in an office building in an empty room. By the door there a kinda like hiding spot so that whoever is behind it can’t really be seen by anyone in the room from any point. Now I’ve had this dream before and so everything was incredibly familiar except the fact that I’m in the hiding space and my dream friend is by the glass door on the opposite side of the room. I’m absolutely terrified for no apparent reason and then the door slams open and I see my friend leave me with like 7 other people including the guy that just busted down the door. She just fucking ups and vanishes shutting and locking the glass doors from the outside so we can’t fucking leave or run away. And then I’m hit with what looks like a swarm of flies or something and the force was enough to push me back into the wall and I collapse and then wake up in a grocery store. It’s me and the 6 other people from the building and that one guy who kicked the door down. Fast forward I find out that me and the 6 people where hit by whatever virus created the zombies that now free roam outside but because the virus was too fucking pure so now we can infect other people and technically count as “zombies” but we still act very much human and look it to. And also the guy that broke down the door was the one that infected us and I quite straight from dreamland “I wanted a family”.

Anyway now that that was cleared up for us we started roaming around the store mostly the sweets section. Some guy that I’m pretty sure I’ve seen in my PE class finds a packet of brown sugar cubes that I guess you just eat cause that’s what he did. It didn’t look like he liked um but he still ate them so. Everyone’s kinda calm and shit sitting stretched out against the floor leaning on each other and playing on their phones since electricity and Wi-Fi still worked I guess. I start panicking I guess. I hyperventilate and then I started mumbling words like “why did she leave me” and “was I not good enough for her” and “did I make her upset”. And I guess I was a bit loud cause then the guy I think is from my PE class hands me the last packet of the brown sugar cubes and he looks at me with these worried eyes and I force myself to calm down. I eat the cubes and honestly in the situation could live if those but in real life wouldn’t recommend. I don’t remember what happens after that but it was something about an old lady talking to me about the sugar cubes that I squished in my hands before eating. And then I’m sitting down again and the guy that infected us with the damn virus talks to me. And by talks to me I mean like he looks at me sees dries tears and launches himself at me and talks to me as I break down in his arms crying about why my friend would leave me. Now at this point I’m not even sure the girl was a friend or a partner that didn’t really care. But this guy keeps comforting me until I stoped crying and then continued to cuddle me until I “fell asleep” and woke up back in the cold sad reality.

Moral of the story is I was emotionally vulnerable to some y for once in my life and it was a dream. So I’m gonna go to school and cry now.

Bye bye I hope you all meet the loves of your lives and live a happily ever after.

[your-local-whisp]

I can’t fucking handle this. I don’t wanna be here.