#So I also desire his pain...
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I second this notion
Please let him cry, please let hime cry, PLEA—
#art rebloob#but in like the mean way#the comfort way is nice too#Love this art for it and love the comfort he's getting here ;3;#But I'm a lowkey sadist towards deer man#So I also desire his pain...#/ᐠ ˵ ¬ᴗ¬˵マ#hellaverse#hazbin hotel
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I think the only thing about Edwin's first interaction with the Cat King that really breaks my heart is how he reacts to TCK's innuendo.
Despite TCK interpreting the reaction as offense/disapproval, what I see is fear.
Edwin doesn't react with disgust or even anger.
He starts backing away. His face drops. He looks scared.
((And then I went and had a full sad revelation in the notes but it's staying there.))
#and I think that fear is multifaceted#like yes he's afraid TCK will make him do something he doesn't want to do#but he's also afraid of having to face his own desire/attraction/sexuality#and he's not ready to do that yet#I also wonder...#I hate to say this because it makes my stomach churn#but I wonder if perhaps he had some...forced...interactions with older students/men/teachers at that boarding school#...I hate that thought so much#but the way he moves away while clearly afraid but trying to appear impassive...#fuck I made myself real sad#dead boy detectives#dbda#dbd rewatch#edwin payne#edwin paine#thomas the cat king#the cat king#cat king
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what if we... killed each other in multiple timelines 😳😳 and i cannibalized you out of adoration while you murdered me out of simple apathy... haha just kidding...unless?
#corpse party#ayumi shinozaki#yoshiki kishinuma#ayushiki#i truly mean this: kishinumas characterization is enhanced tenfold by his ending where he eats ayumi.#a silent acknowledgement that ayumi is his greatest desire and his greatest weakness. the school couldnt convince him to kill her hatefully#it had to convince him to murder her in some crime of passion. adoration. a sense of entitlement too.#but in the main timeline no one knows this (not even yoshiki?!) and its so funny.#also very funny: ayumi murders him or attacks him more often in timelines but its usually with mundane methods#the ONE (1) timeline in which yoshiki hurts ayumi he goes FULL cannibal. go big or go home kishinuma kun#idk. in 99% of situations he is her knight yknow. but hes also human and hes also a kid and hes also got some pain he keeps private...#tldr: yoshiki looks like a victim here but he is just as insane as ayumi LOL#flashing gif#seizure warning#okkk its 5am#my nyart#im proud of this :.)#i miss queue#final time 6hrs or so
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Madk's mangaka is one of the few people who truly understands the old adage
Love and hate are two sides of the same coin
#madk#Motsu Akuma to Danshi Koukousei#makoto x jonathan#jonathan x makoto#this was one of the things about the manga that was endlessly beautiful and fascinating to me#often people cannot reconcile the idea of both being true#sure there are exes#people who love or once loved each other while also hating them#but it's not simply about loving and hating someone#and most depictions of this involve hate evolving into love or love evolving into bitter hate#but in madk love and hate are hopelessly intertwined between its main characters#Makoto is driven by his revenge and his hate for J#and yet even as he will not falter in his mission and continues to hate#he recognizes that no one in any realm holds his heart other than J#it's a twisted love#it's a story that admits that this love and this hate cannot be separated#it's a story that says by hating J Makoto has come to love him like no one else#Love and hate equal in obsessio#And it's what makes J's ending so tragic too#This was always going to happen#and it's not only that Makoto was deprived of the perfect resolution of revenge he desired#but it's the realization that after changing so much#after becoming that person you hate and obsessing over them so#they leave you. and now you're all alone. chasing the satisfaction of revenge once more. yearning to be loved and hated and obsessed over to#inflict your pain on someone else so you can feel some semblance of peace#and the cycle continues#Makoto wanted Jonathan dead early on#but when Jonathan died he took Makoto's heart with him🥲#i just be ramblin#madk spoilers
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literally the only thing my dad does is hurt his back and yell. how am I supposed to buy a gift for someone like that
#he doesnt cook or clean or drink or talk to his children or play video games or wear a suit#and thats like EVERY gift recommendation#he watches tv. i got him a hulu gift card#but WHAT ELSE#he doesn't like fancy coffees or weird foods and i am NOT buying an experience gift#i usually get him like weird jerky from the farmers market bc he'll eat new food if its meat#gift idea for my mom is divorce papers#WAIT he also gambles and drives 2 hours to the casino every 3 days#<3#seriously i would love any gift ideas. i go thru this every year#he has a back massager but idk if there are other weird back pain machines that can help?#he doesn't even grill. all the gift idea lists have shit for ~dads who grill~#he smokes and watches tv and gambles and votes for trump and has a gun collection#help me!!! please#i lied he DOES play video games but he has plenty of shit. the only thing i can think of is that he uses a laptop instead of a pc#but i uh. cannot afford to buy him a pc as a gift lmao#one thing i thought of was making a stupid ''ill build your pc for you and pick out the parts'' coupon but he's shown no desire for a pc yet#and he has a whole as ps5 so like. why would he#HELP#he likes cheese but im saving cheese gifts for my mom#he likes garlic???#oh he likes boats and fishing#but its also winter LMAO#he likes building things too but a hardware gift card that i can afford wouldbe piddly for what he buys#he works on cars sometimes??
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Group Counseling for previous Dungeon Lords-
Mithrun and Thistle get caretakers and do fucking hobbies or smth
Laios gets a dietitian
And Marcille is just kinda there
#I haven’t thought this through#but atp there are four people who have been dungeon lords#they deserve therapy#esp since they’re all fucked yo#at least three of them were a little not okay pre lord#anyways#we know for a fact that Laios can no longer tell when he’s full#and Mithrun has no desires#so Mithrun doesn’t get any singles from his body and barely has the will to live#and you can assume Thistle is in the same boat#and if Marcille doesn’t have the desire to do her hair#(something important to her as a magic user and also a pain in the ass if you let it go for too long)#then imagine what other small tasks she can no longer do easily?#all of them need some kind of help with day-to-day life#is what I’m getting at#dungeon meshi spoilers#delicious in dungeon spoilers#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#dungeon meshi manga#mithrun#delicious in dungeon manga#Mithrun dm#lots of spoilers#and idk how to tag#dungeon meshi thistle#is it thistle or sissel????
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I feel like there's something to be said about the way fandom will treat characters who's trauma they can personally relate to Vs characters who they cant
#like obviously fandom has a thing against unpalatable victims regardless of where their trauma is from#but like#people tend to be way more understanding and compassionate to trauma that they can personally relate to or comprehend#in narutos case:#naruto struggled academically and was bullied as a child. he was alone and neglected on an emotional/domestic level#people can relate to aspects of his character despite the fantasy stuff of being a human sacrifice and part of the military and tend to car#alot more about his struggles#on the other hand the uchiha are discriminated against. sasuke is the sole survivor of ethnic cleansing/genocide. that is not something mos#people could even fathom the pain and trauma of. i mean its fucking /genocide/. and ontop of that he was essentially mind raped by his#brother. the person who he loved the most who betrayed him#and is still expected to function in a society that provides no support and continues to objectify him for his clans desirable traits#i feel like atla is also a good example#people can relate to and sympathize with the parental abuse and inadequacy/anger issues zuko deals with. and are forgiving when it comes to#his redeption arc#but when you take a character like jet. who has trauma in loosing his entire village/community and taking on a caretaker role to other#war orphans. thats not exactly a regual occurrence the average person can personally understand. his trauma is directly related to the war#and so despite him doing WAYY less shitty things than zuko. his is still demonized by the narrative. killed off and then mocked#and the fandom largely saw nothing wrong with this outcome#hama is in a similar bag but she also has the whole 'exploding apartments of pregnant women' distraction tactics added onto her#cause just showing colonialism and forced assimilation and fucking SLAVERY is bad on its own isnt enough ig#psii.txt#slavery mention#genocide mention#rape mention
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no thoughts head empty. Caleb pressing a tender kiss to each of Kingsley's palms as he removes his gloves, then bending down to unbuckle the garter belt on his boot only--
#im so sorry but I just remembered that bOOT again and it's so fun to me i love it#also. the high collar and gloves. no skin showing. how well it mirrors kingsley repressing his own desires and feelings and trying#so badly to hide away the scars and tattoos and the pain of every past he carries. finally laying himself bare for caleb--#Caleb widogast#Kingsley tealeaf#it's like taliesin makes character designs catered to my bi heart specifically I'm doomed every time#caleb would have the same reaction to that as molly adoring his magician's book harness I think--
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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/ on one hand I have Mr commander E.rwin S.mith on @dreamsealed , so yeah! if you'd be interested in writing with him, you guys are more than welcome to follow me ! if a.ot isn't your cup of tea then that's tot fine too and we can just write here or on whatever other bloggy no problemo! 👌✨ (he's still a big wip tho!)
#;ooc#ooc#hes a terrifying man i tell you!#not in the sense of physically violent but in the sense of: type of person that will not waver when dealing with extremely difficult#situations#what i find so interesting about him is his type of leadership; how brutally straightforward and crude it is#yet how it sets the hearts of his teammates ablaze despite making it clear that they are likely marching to their deaths#yet how incredibly human he is once you strip him from the title of 'commander'#the topics of guilt ; the hunger for the truth; staying alive to keep being a memorial; duality; of self reflection; of sacrifice;#living a borrowed life; leadership; again; sacrifice but in capital letters#e.rwin didnt just sacrifice his comrades; he sacrificed his chance for a quiet calm life; for the idea of being a husband;#freedom ; the right for everyone to know the truth#what i like about him is how much more tangible his character becomes once we (alongside him literally) come to terms with#that unwavering power of pushing forward; the deep personal desire it had besides the well being of humanity#there was something more; something that inherentlt was -his- search; his retribution; to honor the memory of his father#to find the truth because he wanted tht peace#maybe as a way to atone for his father's death; to serve as a sort of soothing balm that yes you were right all along#to help his guilt over it#and i dunno i find that gave his character much more dimension#tht he wasnt this perfect commander that was perfect just because#that just like his comrades; he was man who also lost something precious and yearns for it; pains for it; would do anything for it
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fellas the book 7 update…. *crying*
(refer to the tags for my rambling, just to minimize ppl accidentally spoiling themselves)
#sandy blabbles#twst#Book 7 spoilers#dude ace loves his friends sm#His happiness including yuu’s own happiness—where they get to go back to their home but also still be able to stay in twst; still get to ha#Hang out and be friends. Never having to say goodbye.#I just…heart shackle my beloved they could never make me hate you#It really shows how much Ace truly loves his friends and how he doesn’t WANT to part with them; say goodbye and sever his ties with them#Its actually rlly similar to Malleus’s whole OB thing; both of them fear the imminent parting of their loved ones#I think it’s really noteworthy that Ace’s happiness gets predicated on Yuu’s happiness FIRST#I think in reality deep down he FOESNT want Yuu to go back home; because it’s likely that their way back home is a one way trip.#It’s not like graduating and going back home. In this case Yuu is gone. Period. They existed in TWST in one moment and the next they cease#However he also knows that them staying in TWST would only be painful; they had a life before NRC and to make them say goodbye to that fore#Is something he also doesn’t want to do; the fact that one of the core false memories the dream is built upon is YUU’S HAPPY EXPRESSION at#Crowley finding a way for them back home is…*chef’s kiss* so ofc the ideal solution for him is to let them travel between world’s; that way#The both of them can be happy; Yuu can go back home but still be with Ace and their friends. Dude I’m just so fucking touched—Ace has#Infamously bad emotional communication yet he cares and loves sm. Yes he’s an ass yes he’s a jerk yes he’s a selfish teen boy; but he’s *ou#Asshole. Who will have our back as we do his; who will be happy with as he is with Heartshackle. When you get down to it Ace is sentimental#Whereas Malleus’ solution has involved him selfishly restraining the ppl he loves in an effort not to lose them; and ending up alone i#Ace’s UM defo coming in Book 7 (or 8; him getting his UM during a confrontation with Malleus would be very fitting)#It’s almost poetic how traitor ace theory is simultaneously torn away but also…not with his dream.#The fact remains that he cares for Yuu and doesn’t want them to go; those feelings which are core to the theory ARE there. But at the same#Time he’s not selfish enough to do that to Yuu…sure there IS the question of how he would treat the situation in reality rather than the#Ideal dream but I think that by the end of book 7 any lingering feelings he might have of keeping Yuu in twst; even to their detriment will#Fall in the face of malleus who is emblematic of such desires. Book 7 will end in Ace wholeheartedly working with us to find Yuu a way back#Home. Because if that’s what will bring them happiness; even if it’s a happiness Ace will not have been a part of for long or much longer#Then he will do it. Even if parting is painful having the people he loves be in pain for the rest of their lives (ie Yuu being trapped) is#Far far FAR more painful then parting ever could be. Because for as much as Ace bullies and pursues being a cool kid#He will never be able to stop caring and loving his dear friend#(Also couldn’t fit this in but the fact that he was able to be so rational while delululu when resisting waking up is SO on point
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Sylus saying "...don't run" to MC when they're finally being openly honest about their desire for one another and their trust and shared spaces.
#their stupid connection was made in a lab to torment me I can't BELIEVE I want to write fic for them#the fact that her desires are essentially laid bare for him but that he still verifies#that he knows her SO well... her tendency for avoidance that both hinders and benefits their situation#her own underlying possessiveness of Sylus and need to be his equal. on his side.#Sylus trying to be patient and playing whatever role she needs until she's ready to accept that place. accept their mutual connection#MC seeing no other option but to embed herself in his life and his problems even though he's a risk to her career and life in Linkon#the fact that she meets him after she loses the people she considered a family... when their background brings up the concept of Home#I actually love when MC is petty and jealous and Sylus just accepts it and finds it insanely charming like.#the way he obviously Sees her pain and anger and need to protect him over seeing his old scars. angry that he or another didnt properly care#and then with knowledge from their myth origin its like...#the idea that theyre essentially mirrors containing eachother in equal capacity. the allusions to the threshold of light and shadow#the whole aspect of freedom from restraint and captivity. the mirror of her past being raised as a weapon and his nature. l#the little dragon statue she coveted and kept as a secret confidant...#and then like their shared capacity for indulgence. Sylus preparing all that food for her even when he was willing playing her villain.#his tendency to replicate his memories of the past to stir her own#im so obsessed and its been a week. help.#he always gives her space to retreat. and in the newest content now he's revealing his own desperation. dont run this time#dont retreat into yourself or into your role as a hunter or a lawful citizen#I just love that he also adores everything about her even her darker aspects that echo in himself#and the whole who will ''win'' in the end. will she make him more human or will they both embrace their predatory nature in the Fiend#them being the lovers and the devil simultaneously. sylus as death and mc as temperance. idk idk im insane rn#i literally made a sideblog for these posts apologies all 😂#personal tag#they have so many callbacks its crazy. the stupid territory thing is so cute like he'll play into anything for her and just be delighted#i need more main story so bad like. Sylus talks to MCs boss in one of the memories or something.#what the fuck is he doing there?? one assumes he's covering their asses and cooperating in some manner so that MCs career isnt at risk#since he knows she loves hunting#and with the whole mutual enemy in Ever... lets not forget that also Sylus might be the head of a crime syndicate or whatever but what#i just need to know when he became aware of MC in her current life.#I have no one to talk about this game to can you tell
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the end of emmrich's personal quest made me sob so hard, I love him a concerning amount
#count wordulas#dav#dragon age#i feel like emmrich was written by my deepest desires fjshdjfhssjd#manfred is also so pure and sweet and the relationship between those two is so beautiful#rook honestly is third wheeling and loving it becauze nobody gets between emmrich and his sON#but like emmrichs last line about not trading what he has for anything had me weeping#especially since my own fear of death has been crippling at various points in my life#but having rich meaningful connections with others and fulfillment in life makes it less painful#ive already played that ending bit through twice and i will again and again
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mob psycho(logical horror) 100
#Chatterbomb#There are some terrifying concepts in there they should be stretched more#That comic reminded me of junji itos The Long Dream#I’ll have to do a rewatch and write some stuff down#The mental prison stuff? Terrifying 10/10#Shigeo in fabricated world for six months is terrifying but I feel like being trapped in a static environment that only gets longer even#Though real world time has barely passed and you are all alone and you can’t escape and you can’t change the environment besides clawing at#The walls#day and night don’t pass with the sun and moon but your body is aging anyway#Nothing changes and you are running out of resources.#How long until you accept no one will come and save you? How much are you willing to starve while waiting for someone who left?#What if the world that trapped you won’t let you die? Starving for centuries without a sign of life#Thinking at some point you must have escaped. Or was it a dream within a dream? Can that happen? How many times have you fallen asleep?#How many dreams deep are you already in?#WHAT IF HE STARTED ROTTING#what if he was living in his own dead body!!!!! Would that be fucked up or what!!!!!#Something about reigen sparks a desire to see him experience pain disconnected with reality#The dreams in train hell are only getting longer. None of them are peaceful. He can’t tell if his hair is greying from aging or how much th#Dreams take a toll on him. How much time has really passed? Can he even rely on how his body is changing? Is it truly time who is#Responsible? Or is it him? Or the train itself?#What if all they found of him was a dryed up body with a beating heart and pulsating brain. Laying limp and clothing scattered#If I really indulge myself the scratched out days. When looked at from farther away. Still marking the potential days reads#Abandon all hope#ye who enter here#Which yeah that’s stretching into being ridiculous but it would be cool TO ME#Dante’s inferno you are so silly and special to me#I got really autistic here but <3 big fan of horror huge fan of suffering <333#ALSO!! taking inspiration from “heck” short film but the days might be counted by “sleeps” as time cannot accurately be measured in a place#That defies universal law#Ok I think I’m done now ok I’m normal probably
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i wish i wouldn't do this to myself. why do i buy games on steam and then not play them for a while and then hate them and request a refund way outside of the refund time window
#qktalks#this is about sonic frontiers . imso fucking sorry#the game LOOKED awesome it looked fun. the beginning is terrible i feel pained to even say it#feels clunky. won't stop FUCKING bothering you with tutorials#killed the first boss and the game literally said ''hey it dropped something. that's important btw. pick it up. don't forget to pick it up'#i am playing a video game. what else am i going to do.#it definitely feels like breath of the wild if it constantly bothered u like every ten feet with reminders#imso sorry sonic frontiers. u had sm potential. u Have so much. i am simply a whiny bitch#also the game looks . surprisingly bad ?#i thought it would look a lot better. it doesn't look shitty by any means but it also doesn't .....look good#the voice acting at the beginning too leaves ...smth to be desired#i have a mutual (hi parker) who loves sonic parker if ur reading this im on my hands and knees begging for forgiveness /silly#this is my first sonic game so maybe it was just not the best first choice ? idk#still love u sonic ur a silly little guy#actually the refund window is 14 days and i've had the game for 16 days ......... so maybe i can still make it#maybe . idk#steam please . i got it on sale i got it half off please just give me my $30 back.im hungry steam#<- lives with her parents and does not buy the food
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hmmmmm ketil anime backstory bad
#it adds nothing to the story and interferes with his character progression imo#the point of ketil is that nothing that bad has happened to him until now. he's done everything right and it's always worked for him#and when it goes wrong he completely breaks down and makes all the worst decisions for everyone around him#also it ruins the conversation between sverkel and arnheid :( which is so good and understated in the manga#all he says to her is 'it's your decision' and 'i wish i could help.' manga!sverkel genuinely feels for arnheid. she's a real person to him#but anime!sverkel bringing up ketil's sad backstory when arnheid is going through all that just feels super insensitive#obviously ketil has nothing to do with arnheid losing her family and he didn't enslave her himself#which imo is part of why arnheid has been able to accept being with him! she knows she could have ended up with someone much worse#but like. he owns her. she has to devote her life to him whether she wants to or not.#it feels super gross for another character (and the story in general) to direct her/our sympathy onto ketil in that moment#her son was murdered so that she would be more desirable to men like him! this scene should not be about ketil's pain!#(also the line about why hjalti was killed was conspicuously absent from the anime which takes some of the teeth out of the whole storyline#fandom musings#vinland saga
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