#Smoke Canyon Cooking Grates

[manwalksintobar]

White Shroud (pt. II) // Allen Ginsberg

I realized I could find a place to sleep in the neighborhood, what relief, the family together again, first time in decades!- Now vigorous Middle aged I climbed hillside streets in Yonkers looking for my own hot-water furnished flat to settle in, close to visit my grandmother, read Sunday newspapers in vast glassy Cafeterias, smoke over pencils & paper, poetry desk, happy with boots father'd left in the attic, peaceful encyclopedia and a radio in the kitchen. An old black janitor swept the gutter, street dogs sniffed red hydrants, nurses pushed quiet baby carriages past silent house fronts. Anxious I be settled with money in my own place before nightfall, I wandered tenement embankments overlooking the pillared subway trestles by the bridge crossing Bronx River. How like Paris or Budapest suburbs, far from Centrum Left Bank junky doorstep tragedy intellectual fights in restaurant bars, where a spry old lady carried her Century Universal View camera to record Newspaper Metropolis tramcars in September sun, skyscraper canyons upreared one hundred thousand windows shining electric-lit above mid-town Avenues at midnite Herald Square crowds thronged noonday under traffic lights to lunch in giant department stores, shop at Gimbels for dry goods, pause with Satchels at hot dog stands wearing stylish straw hats of the decade, mankind thriving in their solitudes in shoes. But I'd strayed too long amused in the picture cavalcade, Where was I living? I remembered looking for a house & eating in apartment kitchens, bookshelf decades ago, Aunt's tragedies, an appendix operation, teeth braces, one afternoon fitting eyeglasses first time, combing wet hair back on my skull, young awkward looking in the high school mirror photograph. The Dead look for a home, but here I was still alive. I walked past a niche between buildings with tin canopy shelter from cold rain warmed by hot exhaust from subway gratings, beneath which engines throbbed with pleasant quiet drone. A shopping-bag lady lived in the side alley on a mattress, her wooden bed above the pavement, many blankets and sheets, pots, pans, and plates beside her, fan, electric stove by the wall. She looked desolate, white haired, but strong enough to survive. Passersby ignored her buildingside hovel many years, a few businessmen stopped to speak, or give her bread or yogurt. Sometimes she disappeared into state hospital back wards, but now'd returned in her homely alleyway, sharp eyed, old Cranky hair, half paralysed, complaining angry as I passed. I was horrified a little, who'd take care of such a woman, familiar, half-neglected on her street except she'd weathered many snows stubborn alone in a motheaten rabbit fur hat. She had tooth troubles, teeth too old, ground down like horse molars - she opened her mouth to display her gorge - how can she live with that, how eat I thought, mushroom-like grey-white horseshoe of incisors she chomped with, hard flat flowers ranged around her gums. Then I recognized she was my mother, Naomi, habiting this old city-edge corner, older than I knew her before her life disappeared. What are you doing here? I asked, amazed she even recognized me still, astounded to see her sitting up on her own, survived to greet me mocking ''I'm living alone, you all abandoned me, I'm a great woman, I came here by myself, I wanted to live, now I'm too old to take care of myself, I don't care, what are you doing here?'' I was looking for a house, I thought, she has one, in poor Bronx, needs someone to help her shop and cook, needs her children now, I'm her younger son, walked past her alley by accident, but here she is survived, sleeping awake on that wooden platform. Has she an extra room? I noticed her cave adjoined a one room apartment door, unpainted basement storeroom, facing her shelter in the building side. I could live here, worst comes to worst, best place I'll find, near my mother in our mortal life.

[grillpartshub-blog]

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[docholligay]

Angst Prompt Day: McCree and / or Yael, "Cowboy Medicine: Whiskey Internally & Externally Applied"

McCree wasn’t a stupid man, depending on when and how you asked him. He wasn’t exactly educated, that much was true, but he had a raw sense of things, and he was a good shot, and a capable rider, and he could follow orders and cooked pretty well. Yael had more or less told him these things enough that he believed them, being as Yael handed out compliments like she was on hard rations. 

But God, gunfights just happened so fucking fast. They always would, to him. 

He didn’t get hit hard, and for that he knew he should be grateful. But it’s hard to be grateful leaned up against a rock, seeing that edges of the would ain’t exactly going to close neatly. 

They were perched in an outcropping that was near the top of a canyon, where Yael had drug them through a an old mine tunnel that must have been used mostly to get to this place for smoke breaks, but was perfectly defensible, at least for the moment. 

“God, I hate the fuckin’ gov’mint.” Yael had a small metal box open on the ground as McCree sat with a bandanna pressed to his side. “Jesse, what you going and gettin’ yourself the hell shot up for?” 

Jacinta chuckled from her positon at the edge of the rocks, but did not move her eye from her scope as she suggested in Spanish that it hadn’t been McCree’s first plan. She shot. A drone exploded, in the canyon. Perfect hit. 

“Pues, si el no quiere some GODDAMN CANYON SURGERY, quizas--” 

“The hell did you say?” McCree tipped back his hat and looked at her. 

Yael’s eyes flashed with a sense of prairie lightning. “Did I fucking stutter or somethin’? You think that wound’s gonna close up on it’s own?” She took a bottle of whiskey out of her pack. “You think you can ride with it? You tell me, Jess.” 

He bristled. Yael was no idiot, neither, but she wasn’t exactly known for her surgical skills or her bedside manner. And that was definitely fishing line and an embroidery needle. But she wasn’t wrong, either. It edges of it were ragged, and it was too deep, and while it wasn’t going to kill him sitting right here, if he left it open, well, going to the hospital was an option that generally involved ending up arrested. 

“It’s just some stitches, you little bitch.” Ashe laughed and  leaned up against the rocks, looking down the tunnel she was defending. 

“Bitsy?” Yael turned her head. “If I want any shit out of you, I’ll squeeze your head.” 

Ashe tipped her hat and looked back down the tunnel as Yael took her lighter out of her pocket and ran it the length of the needle. 

“Drink that.” She pointed her chin to the bottle of whiskey, then continued in a mumble. “Gettin’ in stupid fuckin’ fights with the goddamn gov’mint when we know damn well we’re outmanned and outgunned, swear to god I should let ‘em all die and have God sort ‘em out.” 

McCree would have argued, but this wasn’t meant for him so much as the general world and any God that Yael may or may not currently be believing in at the moment. He didn’t try to keep track anymore. There was no prayer she didn’t or didn’t say, action she did or didn’t take that proved it one way or the other, and he’d just as soon not be involved in the debate. 

So McCree took her good counsel and drank deep the bottle of whiskey, letting the pleasant fire burn through his throat and into his gut, hoping Yael would wait until it started to take effect, knowing that she probably wouldn’t bother. She said something under her breath, in Hebrew, and then took the bottle from his hands and handed him a small length of braided rope. 

“Bite this. Can’t have you screamin’.” 

He didn’t have time to discuss before she poured the whiskey into the wound, and he bit down deep on the rope as the fire that been so pleasant in his mouth became pain. She wiped at it quickly with her bandana and gave McCree a look. 

“I’ll be quick as I can, Jess.” She took a breath, looked at the bottle, and took a deep drink of it herself. 

Years later, when Hanzo would run his hand over the scar and ask about it, McCree would say, that it hurt plenty. And that was true. All the rest of his life, he’d remember the taste of that rope between his teeth as Jacinta picked off the machines that were looking for them. He’d remember Yael’s rough hands against his belly, and the prick of the needle as it went in, the tug of his skin as she pulled it taut. He’d remember how it ached with every gallop, the whole way back, under the cover of night. He’d remember throwing up, and Yael accusing him of wasting good whiskey. 

But he’d remember how Cary’d brought him dinner in bed that night, and how one of Yael’s good cigarettes was on the side of the plate. He’d remember how Ashe had ridden out in front and wheeled to the side to distract anyone who might be following, while they went all the slower to ease it for him. He’d remember how Jacinta teased him, but cleaned the blood out of his shirt, and meded it. 

He’d remember how he’d thought them family.

[morningpagesmp3]

The Last Person On Earth

Words: 7685

Pairing: Taagnus

Rating: Teen+

"No! Ugh, I wouldn't fuck Magnus if he was the last person on earth." 

Ao3

Cycle 7

  Taako eyed the confusing contraption that the locals of this world liked to smoke a peculiar blue herb out of, as Magnus' thick hands almost snapped one of the delicate appendages clean off. 

"Be careful!" Taako shouted, feeling his body lean towards Magnus. "Don't ruin Lance's handiwork!" Even though his brain—and his entire body, actually—was rippling with a static haze from the drug, he could remember the lovely person who had sold them the weird giant pipe.

Magnus and Lup  shhhhh ed Taako violently. They weren't supposed to smoke on the ship, and their perch on the roof was closer to Davenport's sleeping quarters than they liked.

Taako tried to press his mouth shut but ending up sputtering out a bout of giggles, too lost in his own head and his own laughter to even notice when Magnus and Lup started laughing with him. Lup's eyelids were starting to droop. Magnus was slouched a bit, relaxed, with his hands holding still around the contraption. 

Taako wasn't even thinking, just found himself shuffling his crossed legs closer to Magnus and taking the pipe out of his hands. He held it up close to Magnus' face. He was staring at Taako. Just to show off, Taako snapped to make a small flame appear and held it to the herb.

Taako watched Magnus put his mouth overtop the large hole and breathe. Blowing baby blue smoke off to one side, Magnus leaned back down to the pipe with a quick glance at Taako before breathing in again.

Taako just held the pipe for him. He watched Magnus' big, wide-open eyes, his face that was soft beneath the sideburns and battle scars when you looked closely.

"So Lance, huh?" Lup said, startling Taako out of the silence and stillness he had just been lost in.

Taako jumped a bit. He leaned back and looked at Lup. As Magnus coughed out blue smoke, Taako asked, "What?"

Lup sprawled backwards a bit, wearing the mischievous look on her face that Taako didn't like when he didn't know what she was thinking. She nudged him with her shoe. "You're being pretty protective over that pipe, bro."

Knocking her foot away with his knee, Taako looked between Lup and Magnus with shock. "I don't like him," He explained. He huffed out a breath and brought the pipe up to his face, before changing his mind. "I'm don't like—I'm not gonna do anything with any of the locals."

It seemed like Magnus was just staring at Taako, or maybe the pipe, but Lup looked up at the stars. They were extremely bright in this plane. "It's been six years," Lup said, and didn't elaborate.

"More like six and a half," Magnus clarified. He reached for the pipe, but Taako pulled it away and started to smoke again.

Taako heard Lup say, "Okay, no locals for Taako. Us, then. The team."

Taako started to cough and cough and cough. He was actually grateful that Magnus took the pipe, as he could barely prevent his insides from spilling out of his mouth, let alone concentrate on staying still. Taako coughed until the smirk on Lup's face became too much to bear. " What? "

"Come on," Lup goaded, "You wanna get down and dirty with Davenport?"

Taako choked on his own tongue for a moment before promising, " No . No I do not."

Lup laughed, probably louder than she should, and even Magnus chuckled before sucking some leftover smoke out of the maze of intertwining tubes. Lup was calm and cool as she said, "Magnus, then."

And all of a sudden Taako was anything but calm and cool. He was, he was...full of some emotion that he couldn't control, that spilled out of him as words: "No! Ugh, I wouldn't fuck Magnus if he was the last person on earth."

Lup sat and stared at Taako, looking almost confused. 

Magnus nodded. "Good thing the feeling is mutual."

Taako's heart thumped. " Please , I know you want this." He shook his hands around a bit, panicked, and snatched the bong from Magnus. Taako almost took another inhale of funny blue smoke before thinking better of it and passing the pipe to his sister.

Lup held a large, steady flame against the small glass bowl of herbs as she inhaled for 3 seconds, 5, 7. Just when Taako started to feel out of breath, Lup turned her face to the sky, and blew out an array of perfect, quick smoke rings across the black and starry sky. 

Magnus slumped forwards, still keeping his eyes wide open, and it looked like it was taking way more effort than it should.

"You good there big guy?" Taako asked.

Magnus didn't answer, but said, "None of us should do anything with the locals." He blinked twice, hard, and strained to open his eyes again. "It's not fair."

Taako could barely think in words but he felt like he understood Magnus' point and agreed. "Well, maybe you'll convince me to change my mind one of these years."

Lup looked between them, adding an uncharacteristically small amount to the discussion. Magnus wordlessly took the pipe from her.

  +

  Cycle 10

  "Fucking…of course!" Magnus raged, balling his stone of farspeech up in his fist and shaking it as he paced around the deck of the Starblaster. 

"Magnus—" Taako started to say.

"Of fucking course I get stuck on this hell-planet with you ." 

It was suddenly a little harder for Taako to breathe. Oh . It surprised him that that was what Magnus was focusing on, when the rest of their team was now missing on this strange, scary planet.

This world had no people, or at least none they could find. It was just covered in extremely diverse terrain, and constantly barraged by a range of extreme weather. They had flown over dust storms and dark clouds and tsunamis. Everyone other than Magnus and Taako had gone off to explore the quiet mountains for any sign of the light of creation, but it had been days since they were supposed to return, and days since they had answered their stones of farspeech. 

Magnus had chosen this moment to freak out about it. And he had chosen to freak out about the fact that he was stuck with Taako. 

Whatever , Taako told himself. He turned his attention back to the intense storm brewing in the distance. It looked bad. "Storm's on it's way," He said, and then turned to find Magnus glaring at him.

"We have to wait for them."

Taako glanced despondently at the mountain range they had watched their friends disappear into, knowing that they were lost now, to a storm or a mudslide or whatever. The anger in Magnus' face was scary, but the angry clouds threatening to destroy the final two of them was scarier, as they were the last two that could pilot the Starblaster safely to the next plane. If the other five were truly gone, Magnus and Taako had to keep themselves and the ship alive for almost a whole year. That could only happen if, before the storm tore apart the ship, they returned to the canyon Davenport had originally set them down in, protected from the lightning strikes plaguing the forests above.

Taako gauged the sight of the clouds in the distance. "We leave tomorrow morning." He went inside before Magnus got freaked out thinking about the rest of the year too.

  +

  Cycle 5

  Lup shoved Taako out of the way and darted up the gang plank of the Starblaster.

"Hey!" Taako shouted. He ran after her, listening to her laugh and cackle. They bounded all the way up to the deck, bursting back out into the sunshine where Merle and Lucretia were relaxing on the deck.

"Will you kids slow down?" Merle grunted and turned his copy of Pan-tastic Clergydom up to the sun. "I'm spiritualizing here."

Lup ignored him, going up to them and leaning over their chairs. "Are Barry and Davenport back yet?"

Lucretia shook her head. "They're still talking to the locals."

Taako took two steps closer towards them, which was two steps closer to the door leading down inside the ship, and he froze. "Do you smell that?" He asked in a rush, eyes instantly connecting with Lup's. He could just detect the smell of food—food that waS burning.

"Where's Magnus?" Lup asked, sort of starting to panic like Taako was. 

They both bolted to the door closest to the galley. The smell grew stronger as Taako pushed Lup along through the skinny corridors, until it finally grew a bit smokey just outside the last door on the right. Lup slammed open the door, and Taako shoved himself into the doorway as well, so they could both survey the burnt-smelling scene.

"Holy fuck," Taako cursed. There were sacks of ingredients and utensils and dishes strewn across the counter. A tray of blackened food sat atop the oven, which was open and still spouting smoke. In the middle of it all, Magnus stood, looking defeated. 

"I was trying to cook—" Magnus started.

"Fuck! Code red! No, code black!" Lup hollered. "Code black, get out of here!"

Magnus' confusion turned towards panic—so Taako grabbed Lup. "Shut up!" He said.

"But—the codes—"

"You're scaring Magnus," Taako explained. He looked between Lup's upset and Magnus' concerned faces.

Magnus tried to say, "I'm not—"

"This is very fixable," Taako interrupted. "I'll clean it up." He wouldn't trust anyone else but Lup, who never did well dealing with other people's problems. Taako found himself surprisingly calm.

"I will help," Magnus promised. 

Lup glared at Taako. "But, but, the spoons—"

"I'll put the spoons back the way you like them," Taako explained as he ushered her out of the galley. He was relieved to hear her take a deep breath. He tried to breathe himself before re-entering the kitchen. I could be fighting for my life against an extremely powerful, soulless evil. Cleaning the kitchen isn't that bad. "Let's go big guy—you aren't hurt or anything, right?"

"A tiny kitchen knife isn't gonna hurt me," Magnus proclaimed confidently. His arms were crossed tight over his chest.

Taako was not impressed with that attitude, not in his kitchen. "You cut your hand, didn't you?"

Magnus' brow furrowed a bit and he released his hands from under his arms, inspecting the back. He was uncharacteristically quiet, saying, "Just a little bit.”

"Let me see," Taako asked, and then, "Oh that's horrible," when he saw the makeshift bandage wrapped haphazardly around the cut. Taako removed it, pulled the hand over to the sink to rinse it, and then cast a quiet healing spell so it was as good as new in no time. 

Magnus mumbled a thank you.

Taako barely had to look up at him to meet his eyes. “Better?” He asked, even though he knew it was.

Magnus looked away and nodded. “I was just, cooking, I couldn’t remember—”

“It’s cool, big guy,” Taako said, leaning into his field of vision. “We all miss home.”

Magnus just stared at him.

“Alright. I’ll deal with the food. Throw everything else in the sink,” Taako instructed, and watched Magnus get to work expediently. He surveyed the dishes of black gunk, and then looked back at the large man gingerly setting glass bowls into the sink. Cleaning the kitchen...definitely not that bad.

 +

  Cycle 10

  Magnus was doing what he usually did those days, sulking on the deck of the Starblaster with his stone of farspeech somewhere nearby, when Taako sauntered out of the cabin and set a plate down in front of him. For one second, and then another, Magnus looked like he had seen a ghost. With Taako sitting calmly next to him, he acted confused. “What’s this?”

“Well Magnus, these are called cinnamon buns.”

Taako watched Magnus swallow and stammer, “Why—I don’t—”

“The day you destroyed the kitchen wasn’t that long ago,” Taako teased.

Magnus shook his head. “I was cooking.”

“Buddy, I’m a cook and a pastry chef, I know cinnamon buns when I see them.” He hadn’t expected Magnus to put up so much of a fight. He pushed the plate across the table a bit.

Magnus’ brow furrowed as he stared at the plate, at the 6 golden pastries waiting for him. 

“It’s okay,” Taako said, hearing himself talk in a softer tone now. “We all miss stuff from home.” It had been ten years. But he still couldn’t say home without hurting over the world they’d lost for a second.

Taako was distracted when he realized Magnus was looking at him, and almost smiling. He smiled back. Magnus kept his gaze still. Okay, weirdo, Taako thought. 

“Well I’ve been smelling this cinnamon for days and it’s driving me crazy, so.” Taako picked up a cinnamon bun and took a bite. Nice .

Magnus finally took one for himself too. Taako felt like he shouldn’t watch him eat, like he usually did when people tried his food, but did anyways. Magnus made a hm noise, and then said, “I’m not going to tell you how good they are because you already know.”

Taako actually chuckled. 

“Just…thank you.”

“Of course, buddy. Hey, it’s just you and me,” Taako explained, “Any requests and the chef is on it.”

Then they sat and ate cinnamon buns in the shadow of the canyon, listening to the lightning strike the forest above.

  +

  "Are you serious? Why didn't you lead with that?" Taako chided as he and Magnus trotted down the side of the canyon.

"I don't know, I just—"

"Okay, rewind, you're standing in the kitchen and you've made a huge mess," Taako instructed, "Me and Lup walk in. What do you say?"

Magnus sighed a bit and concentrated. They were almost at the floor of the canyon then, a stone's throw from the Starblaster's extended gangplank. "I'm sorry I made a huge mess," He started, and as Taako nodded him along, "My mom…used to bake me cinnamon buns and I miss them a lot?"

Taako started clapping as he jumped down into the dirt. "Yes! That was beautiful! All is forgiven, can you believe?"

Magnus just rolled his eyes, unable to hide a tiny smirk. He entertained Taako's shenanigans more often now that they'd spent months together, alone. Taako entertained Magnus' too, even climbed out of the canyon to check if the stone of farspeech got better reception higher up with him. Every day.

"I didn't realize how late it's gotten," Magnus pointed out as they walked slowly towards the ship. Taako hadn't realized either, and looked straight up, seeing the blue sky turning pink with the sunset. He hummed. 

They walked in silence for the rest of the way, and Taako thought about what he was going to wear tomorrow. He had brought too many clothes to obey Davenport's rules about always wearing the uniform. Taako's red robe and jacket hadn't seen the light of day in a while, and he enjoyed the chance to forget about being on a team that wears a uniform and just be Taako, who wore whatever the fuck he wanted. It appeared that Magnus, on the other hand, hadn’t brought any clothes at all, and in Davenport’s absence just walked around shirtless most of the time. Yes, Taako was pleased no one was enforcing the dress code. 

Tonight, Magnus was wearing his jacket, so Taako just watched his feet as he climbed up the gangplank behind him. Magnus stopped on the deck of the Starblaster and just looked at the sky a bit. Taako stopped too, leaned around to inspect his strange behaviour, and then turned his head to the darkening sky as well. It would soon be black, and filled with billions of tiny stars packed so close together Taako thought they must be friends with each other.

Then, Magnus spoke so softly, Taako thought he might not have spoken at all. “I want to sleep under the stars.”

“Huh?” Taako replied instinctively to the sound, and then regretted it. He was too loud, too in-his-head for this strong-hearted man.

“I’ve always wanted to sleep under the stars,” Magnus said normally then. Looking around the ship, he explained, “Out here on the deck.”

It didn’t take Taako long to decide, “Magnus, that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard.”

  +

  Taako knew that Magnus was the last person on earth. 

But he started realize that��it was just the two of them left in a new way, as they laid on the deck of the Starblaster under thick blankets and a thick curtain of stars. It was just Taako, next to just Magnus; there was no calling out for long-gone teammates through enchanted stones, no shadows threatening to devour them. Taako was way too comfortable wearing his favourite sweater, lying next to a man he was way too comfortable talking to. He’d never thought he’d bond with Magnus like this. Without an end to the run from the Hunger in sight, however, it must've been bound to happen eventually. 

“I can’t believe I left my mom behind,” Magnus told the stars quietly.

Taako looked over. After a moment, he said, “I’m sorry.”

Magnus rolled his head over too. He didn’t accept Taako’s words, just asked, “Who did you leave behind?”

Taako choked on air for a moment.

“I just…worry about everyone. We lost so much .”

Feeling his heart thump, Taako nodded. “I mean, Lup and I didn’t really have anyone else.” He paused, thinking about life before the IPRE more than he had in a long time, and then thinking about thinking about that. Then, “Would you believe me if I said I'd always had a bad feeling about this trip?”

Magnus answered only with his eyes, wide and twinkling as they reflected the multitudes of stars above them. Taako realized he had rolled mostly onto his side, towards him.

Taako said, “It was almost a year before we left, it was only supposed to be three months…but I knew it was a good time to be alone. Broke up with my boyfriend. Told my friends I loved them. That kinda thing.”

“Wow,” Magnus said, very quiet. 

Taako shifted a bit, and then realized he’d shifted closer to Magnus. Oh well . “Lup broke up with her boyfriend too. They had a fight, the morning before the press conference.”

“Wow,” Magnus said again.

“So yeah,” Taako said, “Don’t worry about me. Yknow, I have Lup. Don’t worry about me.”

Magnus was quiet for a moment, and Taako waited for him, but he took his time. Taako wasn’t even sure if they were still talking about the same thing when Magnus finally broke the silence again. “I think we have each other now.”

Taako had a lump in his throat, and he tried to swallow it. “Yeah, we do.”

“I—I mean,” Magnus started, suddenly louder and more present in a way that killed the innocent sleepover mood. “All of us, have each other. The team.”

Oh. Taako thought he might make a joke to break the awkwardness Magnus had just introduced into the conversation, but didn’t, and just nodded a bit. He was staring at Magnus. He rolled a bit closer, and then looked up at the stars. Taako let the awkwardness dissipate in the silence. He breathed the cool, fresh canyon air and pulled his blanket closer to his body. “This was a good idea,” He reiterated.

Magnus waited a long time before saying, "Thank you." Taako offered a look that was sufficiently confused enough to prompt Magnus to start stammering, "For being… You—… I didn't think we would survive this long, just the two of us."

Taako gave him a big smirk; he earned it. "Me either, buddy."

Magnus stared at Taako; it felt like he was still trying to figure him out, even though they had figured out how to not kill each other so far. They had gotten surprisingly close, and Taako felt surprisingly fond of the rough but kind man he had known for over ten years. They were surprisingly close, physically, in that moment they were lying very close together. Taako's heart beat a bit off-rhythm. There was nothing in Taako's brain but how lovely this moment was, this man he was sharing it with. 

One millisecond, Taako decided what to do, and the next millisecond, he was doing it. He was leaning over to close the very small gap between him and Magnus and pressing a kiss on his mouth. He held it for a second, to let it stick, and when Taako realized Magnus was frozen against him, he pulled away.

Taako pulled his hands into his body as he looked at Magnus, who seemed mostly just surprised. "I'm sorry," Taako spat. Fuck . 

He had started to shift away from him when Magnus said, "It's okay."

Taako froze. He glanced back over. 

Magnus was staring up at the stars. "I need a minute."

" Okay ," Taako whispered, and settled not too close but not much farther either. He didn't watch Magnus, but could tell when he brought his hand up to touch his mouth where Taako had just kissed him. Fuck . Then he thought, This is bad. I'm gonna die here after all.

Taako almost jerked away when he felt a touch, but relaxed when he realized Magnus was just putting his hand over top of Taako's. The touch, the feeling of Magnus' giant warm hand over Taako's spindly one, it made his throat dry and head run wild a bit. 

Magnus tightened his grip on Taako, and then loosened it. Then he said, "Do you want to do that again?"

Taako looked over and he was already nodding. Magnus was leaning in, pulling Taako's hand, so Taako wasted no time pressing another kiss to Magnus' lips. 

It was solid and soft. It felt so good, so right, to finally be doing this. It had been years. It had been months. It felt so right to be doing this then, with Magnus. Taako pressed his mouth in deeper, his pointy chin brushing along Magnus’ beard. He kissed him again, and again, feeling Magnus lying so close to him, kissing him back, holding onto his hand for dear life. Pulling him closer. Taako let himself get lost in the blankets and Magnus’ hair, touching his face and leaning on him as they kissed.

There was a moment when they both paused against one another, and then broke apart. Taako caught his breath. Magnus was looking at him, still holding him close. Taako asked, “Was that okay?” He brushed a shaggy curl out of Magnus’ face.

“Yeah, it—” He stopped, and then cleared his throat. “It was…good.”

Taako’s heart warmed a degree. He felt like that was a massive understatement, like he could fly, like he would live for a million years. But he didn’t say that. He tried not to smile at Magnus and said, “Yeah, it was.” And before he could stop himself he tucked his face into Magnus’ neck and shifted right up against him. He wasn’t sure what had just happened, and he wasn’t going to count on it happening again. Taako decided to just be still and enjoy the memory of it while he could. Feeling Magnus tighten his arms around his body, Taako could see white threads spinning around them when he closed his eyes.

They laid still and quiet for so long, Taako thought Magnus had fallen asleep when his gruff voice spoke up once more, "Do you want to do that again?"

  +

  The rest of the year passed in a haze of pale red, the walls of the canyon and Magnus’ hair, as they lazed around the ship having given up hope of finding their friends or the light. They opted instead to sleep in, kiss, touch each other, bake and cook and watch the baking and cooking with small smiles. Some days Taako felt like he was buzzing with unused magic, missing his sister to spar with and a journey to fight through. Other days were so red, they made Taako feel rusty, tired, and thankful that Magnus was content to hug him from behind and enjoy the sun together.

At night they would hole up in one of their darkened bedrooms, kiss until their lips hurt and wonder out loud if they were only doing this because they were lonely. Taako started to tell Magnus he loved him. He didn’t know in what capacity or kind, and he tried to explain as much, but he knew that he meant it. “I love you,” was the only thing Taako could whisper that he was sure of those days, in the pale red haze. It was so good to be close and quiet in the dark together. Magnus seemed to think so too. He seemed to like Taako’s face near his, Taako’s hand pulling him around the ship, Taako’s words in his ears. He somehow always knew when Taako just wanted to be wrapped up in his arms. It was good, and it was love, and they were happy, but all those words they tried to say about it sort of felt like a massive understatement.

  +

  “Tell me the one about the evil merchant,” Taako asked as he pulled Magnus around the deck of the Starblaster in a close, lazy, slow dance. 

Magnus just sort of smiled and asked back, "Again?"

Taako nodded. "It's my favourite," He said, and squeezed one of Magnus' shoulders.

Still smiling, Magnus sighed. "Once upon a time, there was a little town with a little merchant's shop."

Taako felt Magnus' feet slow, but he kept guiding him around the deck, swaying back and forth as they held each other.

"The merchant employed a nice girl named Esther. And I thought Esther was quite attractive, so I went to the shop. Every. Day," Magnus said, making Taako giggle at how he poked fun at himself. "I noticed that I was falling in love with her. But since I bought something every time I visited, I noticed something else too."

Taako prepared for the plot twist he'd heard a hundred times with anticipation written on his face. He held fast around Magnus' shoulders.

"The merchant was a liar and a cheat."

Taako gasped.

Magnus smiled and shook his head, making Taako happy to fluster him. "I know ," He empathized. "The merchant was selling fake goods, and he had been swindling everyone in town out of their hard-earned money for years. One day I went to see Esther and some of my neighbours were there confronting the merchant."

Taako just watched Magnus' face now, happy to be swaying in his strong arms and to know how the story ends.

Magnus said, "Out of nowhere, the merchant drew his sword. So I grabbed my axe and dueled him right in his own shop. I fought him until he agreed to leave town and never come back."

Taako was smiling, about to comment on Magnus' heroism, when the story continued.

"And as the duel was ending," Magnus said, his grasp on Taako tightening and shifting a bit, "Esther was knocked backwards, and I caught her like this ." Magnus instantly swung Taako down until he was almost horizontal, cradled in his arms. 

Taako's heart was pounding through the shock and excitement over what was happening—what was happening? I've never heard this part of the story before.

"And I kissed her like this," Magnus explained.

Taako let himself be lifted up so his face met Magnus' in a strong kiss, clumsy and passionate with how they clung to each other. Taako's hands tensed on his shoulders as his lips pressed up against Magnus'. Magnus was surrounding him, holding him and kissing him so deeply Taako felt like he was on a totally new plane of reality where nothing existed except the two of them and these feelings. 

Magnus ended the kiss gently, and then lifted Taako up. In a rush of flexing muscles and wind through Taako’s hair, he was back on his feet, clutched tight against Magnus’ body. Taako smirked. “My hero.”

Magnus seemed a bit flustered, and looked down. Taako just took one of his hands and started leading him around in a dance against, coaxing his clunky feet to and fro. “Hm,” Magnus hummed as his toe knocked against Taako’s boot.

“If I worked for an evil merchant,” Taako posed, grabbing Magnus’ attention, “Would you visit me every day and fall in love with me?”

“Of course I would.”

Taako stared at him. They slid together across the deck, hands clenched together.

“There wasn’t much else to do, the town was tiny,” Magnus said, now joking and jovial though he had just been deeply sincere. Taako took a second to start giggling along, still appreciating the sentiment. He leaned in and kissed Magnus. Magnus kissed back, and before long they stopped sliding and swaying, and just held each other, kissing on the deck of the Starblaster.

  +

  Taako trusted Magnus. He trusted him to be strong but kind, to eat whatever Taako placed in front of him, to get them both back to the ship safe and sound whenever they ventured off of it. Taako trusted himself, too...mostly.

That should have been all that mattered, in this reality where it was literally just the two of them. 

But Taako didn’t trust the universe. He didn’t trust the planes, in all he had learned over the years of researching and exploring them. He didn’t trust the black shadows that attacked all the time. He didn’t trust whatever was beyond what they could see, moving and working in ways to make them suffer that their elf and human and dwarf brains couldn't understand. 

Taako wished he could approach the end of their year on this crazy, terrible planet with grace and dignity (because those were ALWAYS his strong points), but he didn’t trust the universe not to ruin this spot of happiness he had found—they had found.

So Taako had to ask, one night near the end, when they were out sleeping under the stars again. He was under a mountain of blankets, while Magnus just had one, and they laid on their backs, holding hands, staring up at the sky.

“What's gonna happen when we leave?” Taako asked, not quiet enough to be unintentional.

Magnus was breathing so quiet, Taako couldn’t hear it. There was no sound. Magnus didn’t move an inch, didn’t make a single noise. Taako waited and strained to hear him answer, but time passed and passed…

Until Taako knew what Magnus wasn’t saying. It washed over him softly, with the sound of the wind far away, slowly sinking in that the answer was nothing. Nothing was going to happen once they left. They couldn’t keep doing this once they were back with the others, in a bright new world. It was over; how could Taako have thought it wouldn’t be over? It washed over and over Taako, until the knowledge made him ache and hurt.

"I'll protect you. I'll never watch you die again," Magnus said, holding Taako’s hand even tighter.

That did not make Taako feel better. "And, how—how many times are you gonna make me watch you die?"

Magnus took another moment to think about that, apparently. Taako really caught him off guard with that one. He didn’t expect Taako to fight back, did he? He didn't think— 

Magnus said, “As many as it takes to stop this thing."

Just like that, Taako remembered the millions of people that had been swallowed by the shadows, the thousands of people living on the next world they would visit, and the 5 people they would share the Starblaster with once again in a few days time. He pulled his hand away from Magnus.

Taako remembered that they weren’t the only two people in existence, and he felt very, very lonely. 

  +

  The way the colour drained from the world made Taako's stomach uneasy. He looked up at the graying sky from the deck of the Starblaster and felt like shit, seeing the clouds hanging motionless above, knowing the evil darkness would be descending soon. It felt right that Taako had shrugged on his red robe and jacket that morning. He was this person again. He had to worry about this fucking ridiculousness again. 

"Magnus!" He yelled back into the cabin of the ship. "Come check this out!" Taako picked lint off his sleeves and adjusted his wand in his pocket, trying to remember how it used to feel as he waited for Magnus. When the lumbering steps alerted him that he was almost here, Taako looked up. Magnus proceeded slowly out of the cabin, staring at Taako. Taako felt started at. "What do you think?" He asked.

"Uh—you—what?" Magnus stammered.

Taako jerked his head at the sky and then looked up.

"Oh. Right,” Magnus said behind him. He sighed a bit. "Uh. Let's, let's just get out of here." 

Taako looked at him, wondering if he might change his mind.

Magnus looked away. His head was hanging. "I know you miss Lup," He said weakly, and went back inside.

Taako didn't know what to say or how to say it, so he just piloted the Starblaster out of the canyon and out of the atmosphere, with one eye watching Magnus standing sentry outside the helm. 

 +

  Cycle 11

  Lup looked at Taako with wide eyes that actually held a degree of awe or confusion, something Taako rarely saw, something he couldn't quite identify. He just knew she wanted answers, or an explanation or something, as she had coaxed Taako away from the rest of the IPRE reunion where Lucretia and Davenport were fussing over Magnus and Barry was arguing with Merle. 

"What?" Taako asked Kup.

She frowned a bit. She looked back, right at Magnus, and then turned back to Taako. She spoke quietly, "You and Magnus survived a whole year alone?"

Taako swallowed all his feelings and mumbled, "Yeah."

Lup softened a bit. "Was it…hard?" She asked once she found the words.

Taako knew she was asking if it was hard to get along, if it was hard to avoid the dangers of the planet, and if it was hard to escape the black shadows. "Yeah," He lied, because it had only been hard for some very different, very sad reasons. He shrugged for good measure, to abate his lie.

Lup just stared at him, knowing there was something he wasn't telling her, because she always knew. Thankfully she didn't ask. She nodded and—very gently—punched Taako's shoulder. Then gave him a quick hug. Ugh , Taako thought. He just wanted this to be over.

"If you'll excuse me," He said, "I'm going to go take a long nap."

"Of course bro, you earned it." Lup smiled a bit and it hurt Taako's chest. "I'll make you something nice—" Her face lit up, and she said, "I'll bake cinnamon buns."

Taako wondered if she would notice if he cast Blink right then. His whole body was stiff for a moment, before he heard himself spit out, "Nah, don’t do that…cupcakes would be great?”

Lup shook her head, bemused. “You got it, Taako. Go get some rest.”

Taako retreated, feeling kinda bad, but retreating nonetheless. He glanced back as he stepped into the cabin and saw Lup back amongst their friends—and Magnus staring in Taako’s direction.

He pulled the door shut firmly behind himself.

 +

  Cycle 12

  “What about Magnus’ plan? Heading south?” Taako said.

Davenport spoke against it immediately, “No, Taako, the light is definitely in the north.”

“I agree with the captain,” Lucretia admitted.

Barry and Merle chimed in, saying, “Yeah,” and “It makes the most sense.”

Taako glanced at Magnus, who just looked tired and frustrated, and then he turned to the one person who would surely agree with him: Lup.

But his sister just shrugged. “Dav has a point.”

And so it was quickly decided that the team would split up. Davenport would take the ship to the northern mountains with Lup and Merle, Lucretia and Barry would explore the northern valleys, and Taako and Magnus would head south. 

It wasn’t the next year, after they had been stuck together, but the year after that, long after the team had stopped joking about “getting stuck with Magnus for a year” and “getting stuck with Taako for a year”. Apparently, it had been long enough that they all forgot about the planet with the crazy weather, because they had no problem kicking the two of them off the ship insisting they go look for the light together. Taako stood next to Magnus, on the ground, watching the Starblaster fly away. Taako watched, and watched, the sun hurting his eyes as it reflected off the brilliant silver hull.

Taako could tell that Magnus was looking at him. He didn’t want to look back. Taako tried and failed to swallow the lump in his throat, and then offered, “Let’s just get this over with.” He glanced over as he turned towards the south and tried not to feel bad at how Magnus was hanging his head.

  +

  It was a hard journey. It was long and hot, with villages and settlements rapidly growing smaller and sparser as they went. They traveled for months, asking locals about the light, searching for the place Magnus thought it might have fallen.

Taako would have liked to say they didn’t talk and they didn’t work together, but they did. Taako knew he would go crazy without prattling on just a tad bit too much. He talked about recipes and spells and Lup just to fill the silence, and Magnus listened, pretending to be interested. He sometimes contributed what seemed like a measured explanation about stuff he liked, his weapons and shit. Taako didn’t ask him about his life. He’d heard all of Magnus' stories at least twice already.

And of course, they made a fine team. Maybe the ease was only because they were trying to get it over with, but Taako already knew how well they worked together.

They had left the Starblaster well into the year, and as the weeks passed Taako started consciously thinking about the effort to physically retrace their steps back up north. At every sunset, Magnus reported back to Davenport on his stone of farspeech, "No luck today, but I've got a good feeling about tomorrow." Over and over Taako heard these words, without any indication of stopping, or even slowing. Taako brought it up one day when they were departing from a village, still traveling south. “So, when do you think we’ll head back?”

Magnus glanced quickly at Taako, but was focused on navigating the rocky half-beaten path they were told to follow. “When we find the light,” He said, verging on sounding condescending, like Taako should definitely understand this.

Taako waited a moment to speak, avoiding almost tripping on a clump of skinny roots sticking up from the ground. Then he just stated, “We only have a couple months left, to find it and bring it back.”

“No,” Magnus said firmly, “We have two and a half months to find it, and then Davenport will bring the ship to us. Way faster.”

Taako didn’t want to say. He didn’t want to say it at all, but he had to. “ If we find the light.”

Magnus actually stopped to look him in the eye. “Taako, we’re going to find it. I know I’m right.”

  +

  “So, you were wrong,” Taako pointed out, two months later, once they had overturned the last rock that Magnus swore the light would be hidden under. He looked across the small abandoned fort they had found in the deep, deep south of the main land mass on this planet. 

Magnus sighed and leaned his head back against the wall of woven tree branches. “I know.” He waited a long few seconds, as Taako watched beads of sweat form slowly on his forehead. The structure of branches and leaves provided shade and thus some relief from the sun, but they still couldn’t hide from the heat and humidity. Magnus said, “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize,” Taako pleaded, “It’s alright, big guy. We did our best.”

Magnus looked at him, and didn’t look away for a minute. Taako wondered if they would have found the light if it had been Magnus and Lup, not him. Magnus took out his small stone and tossed it around in his hand, before holding it up. "Magnus to Davenport, come in Davenport."

It took a couple seconds, but then the stone played sounds of shuffling and mumbling, and then Davenport's voice. " This is Davenport ."

Taako didn't realize it at first, but this report was so different from the reports all the days before, and it started when Magnus paused. In silence, there was an unnatural emptiness, and Taako didn't quite know why but it felt wrong.

"I'm sorry," Magnus said, sounding so sad , and it was horrible. It was so far off from his optimistic tagline. Taako just looked at him, wishing he was hearing Magnus say what he had always said before so he could feel sick of it again, not sick to his stomach with sympathy for the poor guy.

" Hey, Magnus, it's okay, " Davenport started, reacting to how down Magnus sounded. " I think we're getting close. The sun's going down…but I've got a good feeling about tomorrow. "

Magnus smiled a bit, and Taako's heart lifted at the sight. "Thanks Dav," Magnus said.

" You boys take it easy. There's, uh, not much time left to come pick you up… "

"Don't worry about it," Magnus said. He glanced up at Taako, who nodded. They both knew it was a waste of the precious last few light-hunting days for Davenport to fly the ship down to bring them on board, given they would end up there one way or another. 

" You sure? "

"We're sure."

" Stay safe. We'll see you soon ."

  +

  The rest of the year passed in a haze of bright green, the leaves and trees surrounding the abandoned lean-tos they stayed near. There was no point venturing too far in any direction anymore. They sat amongst the plants, relying on spells for food, water, and a cool breeze. 

To pass the time, Magnus hummed a whole record of songs, some Taako knew and some he didn’t, while carving the bark off branches with his knife. Now and then, Taako offered to braid Magnus’ hair to keep it up off his neck, and he always said yes. He sat behind him and twisted and tied his hair slowly, as Magnus held a stick still in his hands. Simple, meaningless tasks filled their time until the end of the year—the end of the world.

They laid down to sleep on opposite sides of a small stick structure for the last time, just like every other night for the past couple weeks, except this time Magnus spoke and broke the silence.

“I wish we could sleep under the stars again.”

Taako shivered as his brain overreacted to that statement. That wasn’t...an opening, was it? That wasn’t a gentle reminder of their brief time together…was it? It took a lot of self-control to stop himself from raising his wand and burning a hole in the forest canopy so he could give Magnus his wish. He settled for rolling over, closing the space between them halfway.

Magnus looked over. 

Taako lost his nerve, and just stared at him.

Magnus barely whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“You already—”

“About what happened to…us.”

Oh...oh. Taako stomach turned, in a good or bad feeling he wasn’t sure yet. “You don’t have to apologize.”

Magnus didn’t say anything else, which made Taako think he really meant it. He rolled and shifted a bit.

It was so dark where they slept, but Taako’s pale blue skin was still just visible when he raised his hand up. He watched it, avoiding Magnus’ eyes, as he pushed some strands of pale red hair back into the braid. 

Taako moved his hand slowly down and watched it slowly too, not daring to look up. 

Magnus shifted in place and the noise startled Taako’s eyes up. 

Then it was so obvious, he saw it before it happen so plainly, and yet did nothing to stop him; Magnus leaned in and softly kissed him.

Taako was so sad . 

It was so lovely and sweet; it was so sad that it was happening on this fucking planet with this fucking person at this fucking time, at whatever time or day or year it was really happening. 

He barely kissed Magnus back, but he still did, because there was nothing he wanted more than to kiss and kiss and kiss him. Taako tried to think about nothing, or anything other than kissing Magnus. They were both reluctant to pull away, but it happened eventually, like tides rolling out gradually until the waves no longer crashed against the rocks. 

Magnus couldn’t look at Taako for more than a second before his face twisted with emotion and he tucked his head down to his chest. Taako’s heart ached. He slowly wrapped his arms around Magnus’ body and laid his face against his hair. “I know,” He said. I’m sorry too , He didn’t say. “It’s okay,” He said. Taako kept whispering until they both fell asleep.

  +

  When heroes have nothing to do during the end of the world, they stay in bed. They stay in bed and stay in each other’s arms, growing sweaty with the slow heat of the morning, but unmotivated to move with the apocalypse around the corner.

They don’t want to let go of this moment, this last world where it can exist.

They roll around and stretch, but stay close by, and lay on the ground and stare at each other.

They stay in their beds with their hands locked together until their bodies dissolve into white threads. And they are gone.

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[quickwitter]

Our canyon was in the middle of this cloud just over a week ago. Woke up to smoke, ran downstairs, opened the door and a firetruck drove up with the driver yelling Get out! Get out! Get out!! That was it. Grabbed the dogs, 3 of 4 cats and fled. (4th cat survived) Didn’t have time to do anything else. Left all the chickens, turkeys and peafowl behind. Thus was the beginning of the Creek Fire which started in Kagel Canyon, my home. That afternoon I spoke to the firemen at the entrance of our canyon (still on mandatory evacuation at that time) and they let me go in to feed and water the birds, but I had to walk and I had to take the dogs (?). There were still fires burning as we hiked up to the house. In the Sand Canyon Fire ins 2016 I lost over a dozen hens the first few hours, and evacuated the rest, this time I fully expected to come home to a smoldering pile of ash where the house had been and piles of charred carcasses. Nope. ALL of the birds survived. I suspect the difference was how windy is was and how fast the fire came through and moved on. The house survived as well. There is still a lot of soot and we’re all coughing, but we survived. 22 families lost their homes in this fire - about 10% of the total population of the canyon.

Today is the 8 year anniversary of this blog. 8 years ago I went to Northern California for a weekend visit with my parents. My mom was losing her fight against breast cancer, and had just found out that the cancer had moved to her brain. My sister came out and we ended up living with folks for about 5 months. Tumblr gave me a voice and a much needed distraction. I will be ever grateful for all of you that joined me on that journey.

A lot of water under the bridge since then.

On Tuesday I had a physical which included a mammogram. I found out yesterday that something is amiss on the mammogram scans, and I go back next week for a follow-up mammogram and ultrasound. I’m trying to view this as just being a follow-up but I’m mindful that given my family history and my own hormonal past, that I’m a prime candidate for breast cancer, should that be the case. 

Anyway, I’m still around. I’ve been posting on Facebook and Instagram (as laura.quick) I recently spent a few weeks in Tuscany photographing for an Italian Cooking School, and earlier this year traveled in Central Asia if you have a few minutes and feel like taking a look, feel free.

[minthepin]

Full disclosure: I am both overly relaxed, and overly caffeinated and crashing as I write this.

Every day I think I’m learning something new, challenging my ideas, self and assumed knowledge. It’s a pretty cool thing to realize at the end of the day as I’m looking at the stars. In this house, on this farm and in the whole valley, there is a sense of peace and belonging. There is a certain tranquility and calm. Now, some days I am all for this, practicing some yoga, journaling, working, but other days I want to shoot myself in the foot. However, every night I am grateful for the sunset, for the rooftop bedroom and meeting some really truly wonderful people.

The engineer, Hadi, is a really cool dude. We have been working on building the gray water treatment system for the farm. It has been a really interesting experience, seeing as I studied this for the past four years. They have a whole idea to turn this farm into a self-sustaining eco-park/resort. A lot will change going forward, and I’m glad I have been able to be part of this creation. Obviously not physically, because I can barely lift an olive, but I’m here for moral support!

Hadi has been super nice to us too (and I’m not just saying that because he told me to). First off, he drives the cutest little red BMW convertible. Secondly, he is a WRC racer (maybe, still not sure about that…). But he drives on all the tracks, and he took us there. Like holy shit, that is fun. I nearly cried a few times from taking the turns too sharply, but ya girl survived, and the car did not flip over as expected. We went in a pickup truck for this one.

It was really dope going offroad on the tracks. The views were also spectacular. 360 degrees of pure desert canyons, with a little stream cutting through it. The track goes over the stream, I think it’s called a “splash zone.” But some dumbass truck decided he wanted to go through the course as well. So at the stream, the 18 wheeler was stuck, with the cargo fallen off into the stream. Sometimes, you just have to wonder, what the cracker is going on with some people. Like bro. Wut.

The overall view, we went through it

This road doe

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Who gave this person a license?

I can’t believe he did that! Anyway, Hadi has been cooking for us. The first night he made Makroba (upside down rice). It was so good too! And simple to make. I hope I can make it at home. He’s also made us stuffed grape leaves, and stuffed eggplant and a whole bunch of other things. We’ve since spent many late nights on the balcony drinking coffee and talking about things – Islam, female empowerment, love, life choices, and so much more. He has really educated me on the Koran and current global situations. It’s been really nice talking to him about all this stuff, and it’s interesting to see how his idea of certain things (like oppression) varies so much from mine, which varies from Miras. Each place, each view, all having to work to reach equality. But anyway, he is a fun time and takes us on cool adventures and we get to see some really incredible things.

I’ve been to Amman a number of times since. Taking the bus, although it has no schedule and only leaves when it’s full, is pretty simple and super cheap. It’s less than 1 JD for an hour and some ride… But it’s interesting to see that the women will not sit with strange men, and men would not sit with me. Just something I noticed. But some really cool lady sat next to me, and we chatted a bit and she was my age and so sweet.

So, the first time Hussein (Muhammad’s nephew) invited the three of us to go to a family dinner at his place. We rode on the bus, got there and helped cook. Their family is huge, and it’s super sweet because they all live in one building with separate apartments. So each family cooked a dish and brought it upstairs. Then once the signal to eat was heard, shit went a little intense. Everyone grabbing food, and eating. I met his niece, Farah who is in uni in Madaba. She’s really sweet and it was nice to talk to her. She was one of the few who spoke English there.Like seeing their family interact makes me miss mine so much more. Special shout out to the Hardisons. Y’all need to up your cooking game. Hussein then took us downtown Amman, for the night tour. We walked for about 2 hours seeing all the special ins and outs. Since it was past iftar, the place was lit. There were people everywhere, drinking coffee or tea, smoking shisha, talking. It was so nice to see the city come alive. There is such an alternative, underground culture in Amman. There is some incredible street art, little used bookshops and some really fascinating coffee shops. I really liked it there, and people stay up till 5-6 am and then go to bed. Because it is Ramadan I think they prefer sleeping during the fasting hours.

View of Amman

Cute little use bookshops everywhere

Master chef

Roman Theater

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Amman

The second time was during the day and everything was closed because of Ramadan. Then we went a few more times and just wandered around. It’s such a pretty city, but honestly, the only place you will find people during the day is in a coffee shop. So far my favorite is this one called “Books @ Cafe” (also one of the only queer friendly places in Amman). It’s filled with this youthful crowd, and honestly, it’s pretty modern. There are a ton of these coffee shops, especially on Rainbow Street (super cute name!).

Books@cafe

They have a ton of little markets everywhere. There is one that is just for buying canaries. Like what is this place. There is a whole sewing/mending district. It was cool to see, especially because most of the people sewing were men. I went up into a warehouse (Hussein brought me), and it was a graduation cap workshop. It was cool to see everyone work, and how it was placed. Although, to be fair it was kinda gross – the floors were littered with bottles and cigarette butts. But they were just tutting along, making grad caps. We then went to the big mosque. I wanted to see prayer situation at 1 pm – it is their version of Sunday prayers. All the people couldn’t fit in the mosque, so they had to close down the main road for people to pray. There were people in alleyways, in stores, everywhere trying to pray. We got this amazing dish (below) called Fatteh. Its like a hummus mixture, with dough at the bottom and it has so many delicious things. I want to eat it all day long, every day. So, now I’m leaving the farm. It’s time to really explore Jordan. Also, there was a scorpion at the farm, and if that isn’t a sign to leave, I don’t know what is! I was up in Amman for a bit, and now time to start my journey down south. I hope things work out for me. Everyone has been so nice, just one bad incident. But ya know what. I survived and I’m not going to let one fucking asshole spoil my trip, or make me fearful of everyone.

I’m hella strong and I need to have more confidence in myself. I need to start trusting my gut and be smart. People suck, but not everyone. I learned a lot at the farm and from people I’ve met there. But I think now it’s time to start learning from myself, and trusting myself more than other people and giving myself grace for when I mess up.

No.

Kitty

Shooting Stars in the Valley of Peace Full disclosure: I am both overly relaxed, and overly caffeinated and crashing as I write this.

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Our Southwest US Road Trip + What I Learned Along the Way

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Our Southwest US Road Trip + What I Learned Along the Way

I was just looking through the Travel Archives and discovered that the last travel post I shared was almost a year ago from our trip to Boise, Idaho. Our life certainly hasn’t been short on travel with trips to Hawaii, New York, Phoenix, Toronto, Minneapolis and many weekend trips around California but for some reason I’ve found myself wanting to keep a lot of these moments private. Part of this is wanting to really experience these moments and not feel obligated to capture every single detail, and part is just growing up and finding my values have shifted. I am immensely grateful for my friends and family and it’s important that I give them my full attention without them feeling like I’m exposing their lives, even if they’re a part of mine.

It’s also an interesting conundrum that you run into when you quite literally grow up on the internet. I started THM when I was 23. I’m turning 30 in a few months. I’m not the person I was when I first started this place and while I don’t regret a single thing I have shared, I find myself wanting to share different parts of myself now. It’s still important to me that this be a space of transparency and provide helpful resources for you, but what I ate for breakfast this morning and going out to dinner with my friends doesn’t need to be a part of that. And that’s okay…

Same goes for travel. I don’t need to document every place I visit and take you along with me all day long. My job title may be “content creator” but it’s a fine line between living my life and generating content. In the last few months I’ve found myself seeing moments of my life through the lens of someone else instead of seeing it through my eyes first. So I’ve had to find a way to continue sharing resources with you while also protecting the integrity of my experiences and well, my life. This Southwest US road trip helped me to do just that.

I went into the trip knowing that I wanted to experience things first and share later. This meant going completely offline during the two weeks we were away. I brought my vlogging camera with me incase I wanted to do video (I ended up not wanting to) and my camera to capture moments that felt special and important. BUT I didn’t share every single moment of my trip on Instagram and Instagram stories. Back in the day, it was so much easier to just do a write up on the blog about a trip. Now there’s an expectation that people come along with you for every moment. This trip helped me to realize that I don’t need to do this if it isn’t in line with my values. Other people may feel differently but this is my truth and enough hours on the road without technology made me feel completely assured in this decision.

So here I am, a few weeks out and feeling ready to share this adventure with you. Of course, this recap won’t capture the intimate moments like walking through the desert with C talking about our hopes and dreams or laughing our butts off as Bodhi face planted into a ditch with his poodle cousins. It won’t include sitting by the fire while C and I read our vows to one another on our one year wedding anniversary or the pure terror in my eyes as I watched one too many people take selfies over the Grand Canyon. But what it will do is leave space for you to make your own memories.  I’m sharing my favorite places to stay, eat and visit in the US Southwest but leaving room for the moments in between; the ones that you can keep quiet and precious and years from now look back on fondly, just as I am doing right now.

LEAVING SAN FRANCISCO

The ultimate goal was to make our way over to New Mexico to visit some of C’s family and family friends who live there. 30+ years ago C’s Dad purchased land outside of Albuquerque that we wanted to go and see for ourselves. That left a lot of different routes to get there. Because we don’t go anywhere without our dog, we were somewhat confined to what we could do with Bodhi so that did limit things and ultimately determined the path that we took. Keep this in mind as you examine our route and pick your own.

SAN FRANCISCO –> JOSHUA TREE (8 hours)

Where we stayed: The Rock Yacht Airbnb (you can save $30 off your first airbnb using this link)

The more direct route would have been to drive through Death Valley National Park, however 100 degree weather + a dog is a terrible idea so we went a little further south to Joshua Tree. We’ve been to Joshua Tree before so we didn’t venture into the park this time and instead stayed in a cute little airstream in TwentyNine Palms. You could climb the rocks in their backyard and the patio was amazing. TBH the inside felt a little stale but it was a nice, cheap, dog-friendly option.

Where we ate:

Lunch at Natural Sisters Cafe (head next door to Grateful Desert for herbs + crystal shopping!)

Coffee from Joshua Tree Coffee Co

Dinner from Pie for the People!

ZION NATIONAL PARK

JOSHUA TREE –> ZION NATIONAL PARK (6 hours)

Where we stayed: “glamping” airbnb in Hildale, Utah

We were glamping about 45 mins outside of Zion so we made sure to stop in Las Vegas (which is on route) to pick up some food for the night. There’s very little in the area besides the town next to Zion which is expensive so stock up!

What we did:

Hike the Pa’rus Trail in Zion – Dogs aren’t allowed on hiking paths in Zion with the exception of this one. It’s paved but it’s beautiful and gives you a nice perspective of the park.

Coral Sand Dunes State Park – Pink sand dunes! Go here. It’s awesome.

FOUR CORNERS

HILDALE, UTAH –> CORTEZ, CO (5.5 hours)

Where we stayed: Kelly’s Place – We camped but they also have a bed and breakfast you can stay at.

What we did: 

Horseshoe Bend – a little chaotic but a short hike to a beautiful vista in Page, Arizona

*note: we would have loved to have done Antelope Canyon (also in Page) but you cannot bring a dog!

Explore Kelly’s Place – there’s historic ruins on the property that have been excavated and you can hike directly into Canyon of the Ancients National Monument (it was raining so we didn’t go in). Kelly’s place also had a presentation by a leader of the Ute Tribe and it was amazing and so educational.

Where we ate: 

Birdhouse – fried chicken and beer in Page, AZ. Not a whole lot of options in Page but this was damn good!

Kelly’s Place – we cooked our own food for dinner on our camping stove and breakfast is included here

SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO (2 nights)

CORTEZ, CO –> SANTA FE, NM (4.5 hours)

Where we stayed: An adorable airbnb casita just oustide Santa Fe (night 1) + El Rey Court Hotel in Santa Fe (night 2)

What we did:

Ghost Ranch (Abiquiu, NM)- Made famous by Georgia O’keeffe, this is an education and retreat center showing the best of Northern New Mexico. It’s on the drive into to Santa Fe if coming from the north. You can take one of many hikes around the property.

Frank Ortiz Dog Park – even if you don’t have a dog, this is a beautiful and easy walk that gives you epic views of Santa Fe and is especially nice at sunset.

Ojo Caliente – A gorgeous spa + natural hot springs an hour north of Santa Fe. We rented a private tub and got massages but if you have the day I recommend spending it there!

Santa Fe State Park (Dale Ball Trails) – A beautiful network of trails in the Santa Fe mountains that is very accessible (no snow pack) and dog-friendly

Explore Downtown – There are so many cute stores and nooks and crannies to explore in SF. The Palace of Governors has an awesome Native American Market outside and if you’re there on a weekend there’s tons of pop-up art markets too.

*note: we didn’t make it to Meow Wolf but hopefully next time!

Where we ate:

Santa Fe has THE BEST FOOD. We are going back here just to eat. These were some highlights:

Modern General – Great coffee, vibes and healthy food. They source locally too + dog-friendly.

Radish & Rye – This was our anniversary splurge meal and it was sooooo worth it. The food is delicious and the bourbon cocktails even better.

Fire & Hops – a funky gastropub with lots of local beer choices and solid food. Get the brussels sprouts!

La Casa Sena – a perfect lunch or dinner spot for outdoor dining right on the square. The nooner cocktail was amazing and don’t miss the cornbread muffins they serve to kickstart the meal.

Rowley Farmhouse Ales – if you like beer this is your place. We did a flight and loved trying out some of their interesting varieties including a smoked beer and lots of different sours.

Coffee: Iconik Coffee + 35 Degrees North – both great options though Iconik was our favorite!

ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO (2 nights)

SANTA FE, NM –> ALBUQUERQUE, NM (1 hour)

Where we stayed: with family and friends!

What we did:

Los Poblanos Lavender Farm – TBH this was a bit of a let down. It was way too bougie and over the top fancy. Also no dogs. Wouldn’t recommend unless you’re planning to ball out at the hotel.

Spur Line Supply Co – a huge and eclectic shop in the sawmill district of Albuqurque. We loved it here and spent hours browsing! They have everything from skincare, to hippie crystal books to records. A total gem of a spot.

Old Town – we actually didn’t go to Old Town on this visit but have been there before. It’s fun to walk around and get a taste of NM.

*note: we spent most of our time here with family and friends just hanging out and enjoying their company. C’s aunt and uncle live on a horse ranch and one of our trip highlights we exploring their property and playing with all of the animals. I wish everyone could have this experience! Also thank you to our fam + friends for all of the delicious meals and hospitality.

SEDONA, ARIZONA (2 Nights)

ALBUQUERQUE, NM –> SEDONA, ARIZONA (5.5 Hours)

Where we stayed: An Airbnb – a small little guest house that’s perfect for a couple (forgot to take pics!)

What we did:

Petrified Forest National Park – along the way to Sedona, be sure to stop here to see million year old petrified trees, thousand year old petroglyphs and try to not get blown over by the wind. Must do: Crystal Trail.

Winslow, Arizona – Big fan of The Eagles? Stop here! Trip highlight was standing on the corner of Winslow, Arizona

In Sedona:

Cathedral Rock Trail – This is not for the faint of heart and while C and I probably would have made it to the top, we had the Bodhi man and it was simply too tricky getting a 70 lb pup all the way up. We got up about 3/4 of the way and it was spectacular

Cathedral Rock Vortex – Sedona is famous for it’s vortexes (more here) and we knew we wanted to experience one while we were there. We veered off the trail a little bit and found ourselves close to the center of the vortex but then drove around to the other side of Cathedral Rock to get a different perspective. We did a short hike along the Baldwin Trail and dipped our toes in Oak Creek and meditated. It was so calm and peaceful.

Sugarloaf Trail – we could access this trail right off our airbnb so we actually hiked it a couple of times. It’s a short loop and gives you a nice perspective of Sedona

Tlaquepaque Shopping Village – a combination of expensive local art and kitchy crystal and psychic shops. It was a little over the top for me but it’s a nice area to walk around.

See a Medium – I REALLY wanted to see a medium in Sedona but wanted it to happen naturally. On every other corner there’s an advertisement for a medium but thanks to a divine intervention I was connected to Christina Wooten and I’m so so happy I went to see her.

Where we ate:

SaltRock Southwest Kitchen – The view and the craft cocktails are better than the food but both still make it worth a visit!

ChocolaTree – Went for breakfast and while the food may have tasted better to us if we were vegan and gluten-free, the mocha latte was insanely good

Local Juicery – Every single person told us to go here and I’m glad they did. After eating pretty indulgently it was nice to get in a healthy and nutritious meal. The acai bowl is SO good.

Secret Garden Cafe– This place was quite a surprise! We were hungry when we got to Tlaquepaque and this restaurant sits right at the entrance. The food was awesome and we appreciated the casual ambiance on the patio.

Thai Spices – We wanted something a little different after a lot of southwestern food and we were excited to find an awesome thai place in Sedona.

*note: we wanted to make it to Elote Cafe but we didn’t end up having time – hopefully next time!

GRAND CANYON NATIONAL PARK

SEDONA, AZ –> GRAND CANYON NP (2 hours)

Where we stayed: Mather Campground

What we did: Hiked the South Rim Trail. The South Rim Trail is dog-friendly. You cannot hike into the canyon with a dog so this is your only real option but gives you a great perspective on the canyon. Very crowded – just a heads up! Pro tip: wake up early to watch the sunrise on the canyon.

Where we ate: We were camping so we ate dinner and breakfast at our campsite

JOSHUA TREE NATIONAL PARK

GRAND CANYON NP –> JOSHUA TREE NP (6 hours)

Where we stayed: Another airbnb (HIGHLY recommend)

What we did: Nothing! Just hung out at the property. It was beautiful and so relaxing.

Where we ate: Our airbnb was a little far from town so we stopped in TwentyNine Palms for grocery store provisions and cooked at our airbnb.

PASO ROBLES, CALIFORNIA

JOSHUA TREE NP –> PASO ROBLES, CA (5 hours)

I have been wanting to go to Paso Robles since moving to San Francisco but besides stopping through one time for lunch we’ve never spent any time there. We considered driving the coast but we knew that after 13 days we probably wanted to get home a little faster so Paso made for the perfect stop. We loved it!

Where we stayed: Dunning Vineyards – they have the cutest little guest suite that overlooks the vineyards. Highly recommend!

What we did: When in Paso Robles, you wine taste!

Grey Wolf + Barton Family Vineyards – awesome sister wineries with a cool vibe and delicious food

Dunning Vineyards – this was included in our stay and we loved getting to know Bob Dunning and learn how he started his winery

Tablas Creek Vineyard – one of the first vineyards in Paso Robles and a sister winery to a French vineyard in the Rhone region. Organic + Biodynamic too.

Where we ate:

Fish Gaucho – GO HERE! Delicious California – Mexican food

Thomas Hill Organics – Awesome lunch and relaxing patio. Everything is organic and locally sourced

Spearhead Coffee – stop in for a latte – so good!

* * * * *

From Paso Robles we had a 3.5 hour drive home to San Francisco at which point we were so ready to settle in and C was ready to be done driving. And that was that! There were many places we didn’t get to either because we’ve been more recently or didn’t have time but it was a pretty packed two weeks nonetheless. My hope is that this post can either a) inspire you to visit the US Southwest or b) find some inspiration for your already planned trip. We also plan to revisit some of these areas so please do drop some of your favorites in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you. Happy travels!

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Day 3: Steep 'n Deep in the Pomerelle Backcountry

The first half of the day at Pomerelle was amazing. We were grateful for the soft snow and playful terrain around the resort. But, the million-dollar question of the day was “Would we be able to get into the backcountry?” Throughout the morning, the snow and clouds came in waves making visibility challenging. If the freezing fog didn’t dissipate soon, we would have to call off the mission. Then, the moment we had hoped for happened. It was go time to check out the Pomerelle backcountry!

The Pomerelle Backcountry Awaits

Snowmobilers deep in the Pomerelle Backcountry

As we lounged lazily over lunch nursing our Sockeye beers, we suddenly looked over to the main door and saw it swing open. It’s Zack! With a big smile on his face he looked over to us and said, “You ready?” He told us to grab our backcountry gear from the truck and meet him at the maintenance garage.

Plan run-down and Beacon Check

Scurrying over to our rendezvous point, Zack introduced us to Jared Pratt, another local. The plan is to head over to the zone just past what they call the “Playground” which is more protected from the wind and generally lower avalanche danger. From there, we would take a look and determine if the snow conditions were ideal.

Realization of why they call it the Playground

Zack gettin’ after it!

Hopping onto the back of two snowmobiles, we zip out of the parking lot and make a left onto the trail head. The trail slowly ascended and the trees began to thin out until we were above them. As we made a sweeping turn, Zack pointed to the left and remarked, “That’s the Playground!” My mouth drops. I immediately understand why they call it that. The terrain looks like something you would see at a Kirkwood or Squaw Valley resort. It was filled with massive cliffs, pillows, and chutes all for the taking if you have a way to get out there. Unfortunately with fresh snow, this terrain was a no-go on safety, so we continued on our way to our planned final destination.

The Snow Is Good & So Are We

Jared getting the snowmobiles ready after confirming the snow was good – Image taken by: Local Freshies

Taking switchback after switchback, we continue our ascent until we suddenly come to a halt. How the heck did he know where to stop? Answering my internal question, Zack pointed to a broken tree and said, “That’s how we know where to stop.” Stepping off our steeds, we get onto the snow and take a gander. The snow is soft and you can tell it has consolidated well. We all agree cautiously that we’re good to go.

Watch Out For That Cliff!

Cliff band to the right we had to avoid – Image by: Local Freshies

Jared hops back onto one of the snowmobiles and races down the trail to pick us up at the bottom. With only the sound of ratcheting bindings, we stand up and look toward Zack. “Alrighty folks. Whatever you do, follow my tracks to get in. To the left is a cliff that you do NOT want to go over.” Zack drops in first and veers slightly right making sweeping turns. Jaime and I drop in next, timidly but excited. The snow is perfect! After months of hard-pack conditions in Lake Tahoe, the feel of bottomless powder is like a glass of cold water in the Sahara. A dozen or so turns later we meet up again with Zack standing at the top of a massive glade. He points through the trees straight down to Jared. Standing at the bottom of a big, white meadow he waves towards us. That’s our mark… it’s go time!

Powder Shots Galore – Best Run Of The Season!

Steep n Deep in the Pomerelle Backcountry

Turning his head back towards us, Zack pulls down his neck gaiter and says, “We’re far enough away from the cliff so… let ‘er rip!” Not hesitating, I drop in. Taking huge massive arcs through the trees, the snow is amazing. Turns come easily as cold smoke pow billows around me. Turn after turn of the softest & deepest snow I’ve seen in months, I open my mouth and yell at the top of my lungs, “YEEEEWWWW!!!!!!!” Flying down the pitch onto the flat meadow, I show up to Jared slapping high fives. Unstrapping, I quickly look back up to see Jaime and Zack get after it. I then hear Jaime’s yells echo off the terrain “WAHHHOOOO!!!!!!” as she makes her way down the slope.

Rinse And Repeat

“Wanna go again?” Is that a question or statement? Of course, we do! We take run after run after run with Jared and Zack switching on who would shuttle. As the sun begins to set, we know it’s almost time to head back. Taking a moment at the bottom, we slowly look around. This HUGE bowl really is the perfect place for people to learn terrain options and backcountry skills.

Catskiing at Pomerelle

Zack pointing out our next line while Jared makes a gourmet lunch of fajitas

We come to find out from Zack that the original plan was to create a Pomerelle catskiing outfit, shuttling people out here to enjoy the terrain. Nearly all the permits were good to go. Unfortunately, the person who did all this hard work passed away and so they were back to square one. Will it happen? Possibly, but only time will tell.

We Need A Miracle…

With our muscles sore and the sun continuing to set, we knew it was time to leave. Giving our goodbyes and thanking them for an incredible time, we made our way back down the mountain road and headed towards our next destination – The Miracle Hot Springs. There’s nothing like a good soak to get the mind and muscles right after a hard day on the slopes.

Another Hidden Gem – Miracle Hot Springs

Nothing like a good soak at night – Image by: Local Freshies

Out of the Albion Mountain Range and back onto the plains, we continue past Twin Falls on Interstate 84 until we exit at Hagerman Avenue. Flying past dairy farms and grasslands, we wonder if we’re going in the right direction. Finally a sign appears beckoning us to make a left. Score! Tucked away in a tight canyon, the hot springs compound is another hidden treasure in Magic Valley.

An Opening We’re In Luck!

Steam from the hot springs on a winter’s day – Image by: Local Freshies

Talking to the front desk, they tell us they have an opening for a couple’s massage. Was it luck or destiny? Looking at each other, we have the same thought. You only live once right? Sure! With our reservations made, we make our way over to the main pool and hop in. Soaking in the hot springs, we let our minds begin to wander and absorb the past few days. Like everything we’ve experienced in Magic Valley, you can’t judge a book by its cover but instead must explore with an open-mind. Talk about an exciting escapade! Just like our other adventures, the couple’s massage isn’t like what I thought it would be. It was a great way to introduce myself to a relaxing massage in a way that is comfortable and reassuring for both.

Twin Falls Sandwich Company

After a carefree soak, a rejuvenating massage and a long day of shredding, our stomachs were grumbling and we knew where we had to go next: Twin Falls Sandwich Company. Owned by Shane Cook, an avid kayaker and great ambassador for the Snake River region, we had to make sure we checked out his restaurant… and we weren’t disappointed.

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border: 0px solid #FFFFFF; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_thumb_deactive_1 opacity: 0.80; filter: Alpha(opacity=80); #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnail_img_1 display: block; opacity: 1; filter: Alpha(opacity=100); padding: 0 !important; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_left_1 background-color: #3B3B3B; cursor: pointer; display: table-cell; vertical-align: middle; width: 20px; /*z-index: 10106;*/ left: 0; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_right_1 background-color: #3B3B3B; cursor: pointer; right: 0; width: 20px; display: table-cell; vertical-align: middle; /*z-index: 10106;*/ #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_left_1 i, #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_right_1 i color: #FFFFFF; font-size: 20px; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_none_selectable_1 -webkit-touch-callout: none; -webkit-user-select: none; -khtml-user-select: none; -moz-user-select: none; -ms-user-select: none; user-select: none; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_watermark_container_1 display: table-cell; margin: 0 auto; position: relative; vertical-align: middle; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_watermark_spun_1 display: table-cell; overflow: hidden; position: relative; text-align: right; vertical-align: bottom; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_title_spun_1 display: table-cell; overflow: hidden; position: relative; text-align: right; vertical-align: top; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_description_spun_1 display: table-cell; overflow: hidden; position: relative; text-align: right; vertical-align: bottom; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_watermark_image_1 padding: 0 !important; float: none !important; margin: 4px !important; max-height: 90px; max-width: 90px; opacity: 0.30; filter: Alpha(opacity=30); position: relative; z-index: 15; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_watermark_text_1, #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_watermark_text_1:hover text-decoration: none; margin: 4px; font-size: 12px; font-family: Arial; color: #FFFFFF !important; opacity: 0.30; filter: Alpha(opacity=30); position: relative; z-index: 15; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_title_text_1 text-decoration: none; font-size: 16px; font-family: segoe ui; color: #FFFFFF !important; opacity: 0.70; filter: Alpha(opacity=70); position: relative; z-index: 11; border-radius: 5px; background-color: #000000; padding: 0 0 0 0; margin: 5px; display: inline-block; word-wrap: break-word; word-break: break-word; top:16px; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_description_text_1 text-decoration: none; font-size: 14px; font-family: segoe ui; color: #FFFFFF !important; opacity: 0.70; filter: Alpha(opacity=70); position: relative; z-index: 15; border-radius: 0; background-color: #000000; padding: 5px 10px 5px 10px; margin: 5px; display: inline-block; word-wrap: break-word; word-break: break-word; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_description_text_1 * text-decoration: none; color: #FFFFFF !important; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slide_container_1 display: table-cell; margin: 0 auto; position: absolute; vertical-align: middle; width: 100%; height: 100%; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slide_bg_1 margin: 0 auto; width: inherit; height: inherit; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slider_1 height: inherit; width: inherit; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_image_spun_1 width: inherit; height: inherit; display: table-cell; filter: Alpha(opacity=100); opacity: 1; position: absolute; vertical-align: middle; z-index: 2; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_image_second_spun_1 width: inherit; height: inherit; display: table-cell; filter: Alpha(opacity=0); opacity: 0; position: absolute; vertical-align: middle; z-index: 1; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_grid_1 display: none; height: 100%; overflow: hidden; position: absolute; width: 100%; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_gridlet_1 opacity: 1; filter: Alpha(opacity=100); position: absolute; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_dots_1 display: inline-block; position: relative; width: 12px; height: 12px; border-radius: 5px; background: #F2D22E; margin: 3px; cursor: pointer; overflow: hidden; z-index: 17; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_dots_container_1 display: block; overflow: hidden; position: absolute; width: 800px; top: 0; z-index: 17; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_dots_thumbnails_1 left: 0px; font-size: 0; margin: 0 auto; overflow: hidden; position: relative; height: 18px; width: 54px; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_dots_active_1 background: #FFFFFF; opacity: 1; filter: Alpha(opacity=100); border: 1px solid #000000; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_dots_deactive_1 #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_image_spun1_1 display: table; width: inherit; height: inherit; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 .bwg_slideshow_image_spun2_1 display: table-cell; vertical-align: middle; text-align: center; #bwg_container1_1 #bwg_container2_1 #spider_popup_overlay_1 background-color: #000000; opacity: 0.70; filter: Alpha(opacity=70); var data_1 = []; var event_stack_1 = []; data_1["0"] = []; data_1["0"]["id"] = "98"; data_1["0"]["alt"] = "Twin Falls Sandwich Company"; data_1["0"]["description"] = ""; data_1["0"]["filetype"] = "jpg"; data_1["0"]["filename"] = "P1270102_Sandwich2"; data_1["0"]["image_url"] = "/imported_from_media_libray//P1270102_Sandwich2.jpg"; data_1["0"]["thumb_url"] = "/imported_from_media_libray//thumb/P1270102_Sandwich2.jpg"; data_1["0"]["date"] = "27 February 2018, 06:33"; data_1["0"]["is_embed"] = ""; data_1["0"]["is_embed_video"] = ""; data_1["1"] = []; data_1["1"]["id"] = "100"; data_1["1"]["alt"] = "Vintage Bike Twin Falls Sandwich Company"; data_1["1"]["description"] = ""; data_1["1"]["filetype"] = "jpg"; data_1["1"]["filename"] = "P1270110_Sandwich5"; data_1["1"]["image_url"] = "/imported_from_media_libray//P1270110_Sandwich5.jpg"; data_1["1"]["thumb_url"] = "/imported_from_media_libray//thumb/P1270110_Sandwich5.jpg"; data_1["1"]["date"] = "27 February 2018, 06:34"; data_1["1"]["is_embed"] = ""; data_1["1"]["is_embed_video"] = ""; data_1["2"] = []; data_1["2"]["id"] = "99"; data_1["2"]["alt"] = "Twin Falls Sandwich Company"; data_1["2"]["description"] = ""; data_1["2"]["filetype"] = "jpg"; data_1["2"]["filename"] = "P1270108_Sandwich4"; data_1["2"]["image_url"] = "/imported_from_media_libray//P1270108_Sandwich4.jpg"; data_1["2"]["thumb_url"] = "/imported_from_media_libray//thumb/P1270108_Sandwich4.jpg"; data_1["2"]["date"] = "27 February 2018, 06:34"; data_1["2"]["is_embed"] = ""; data_1["2"]["is_embed_video"] = "";

var bwg_trans_in_progress_1 = false; var bwg_transition_duration_1 = 750; var bwg_playInterval_1; /* Stop autoplay.*/ window.clearInterval(bwg_playInterval_1); /* Set watermark container size.*/ function bwg_change_watermark_container_1() jQuery(".bwg_slider_1").children().each(function() if (jQuery(this).css("zIndex") == 2) /* For images.*/ var bwg_current_image_span = jQuery(this).find("img"); if (bwg_current_image_span.length) if (bwg_current_image_span.prop('complete')) var width = bwg_current_image_span.width(); var height = bwg_current_image_span.height(); bwg_change_each_watermark_container_1(width, height); else bwg_current_image_span.on("load", function () var width = bwg_current_image_span.width(); var height = bwg_current_image_span.height(); bwg_change_each_watermark_container_1(width, height); ); else /* For embeds and videos.*/ bwg_current_image_span = jQuery(this).find("iframe"); if (!bwg_current_image_span.length) bwg_current_image_span = jQuery(this).find("video"); var width = bwg_current_image_span.width(); var height = bwg_current_image_span.height(); bwg_change_each_watermark_container_1(width, height); ); /* Set each watermark container size.*/ function bwg_change_each_watermark_container_1(width, height) jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_watermark_spun_1").width(width); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_watermark_spun_1").height(height); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_title_spun_1").width(width); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_title_spun_1").height(height); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_description_spun_1").width(width); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_description_spun_1").height(height); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_watermark_1").css(display: ''); if (jQuery.trim(jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_title_text_1").text())) jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_title_text_1").css(display: ''); if (jQuery.trim(jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_description_text_1").text())) jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_description_text_1").css(display: ''); var bwg_current_key_1 = '0'; var bwg_current_filmstrip_pos_1 = 0; /* Set filmstrip initial position.*/ function bwg_set_filmstrip_pos_1(filmStripWidth) var selectedImagePos = -bwg_current_filmstrip_pos_1 - (jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnail_1").width() + 2) / 2; var imagesContainerLeft = Math.min(0, Math.max(filmStripWidth - jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnails_1").width(), selectedImagePos + filmStripWidth / 2)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnails_1").animate( left: imagesContainerLeft , duration: 500, complete: function () bwg_filmstrip_arrows_1(); ); function bwg_move_filmstrip_1() var image_left = jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_thumb_active_1").position().left; var image_right = jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_thumb_active_1").position().left + jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_thumb_active_1").outerWidth(true); var bwg_filmstrip_width = jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_1").outerWidth(true); var bwg_filmstrip_thumbnails_width = jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnails_1").outerWidth(true); var long_filmstrip_cont_left = jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnails_1").position().left; var long_filmstrip_cont_right = Math.abs(jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnails_1").position().left) + bwg_filmstrip_width; if (bwg_filmstrip_width > bwg_filmstrip_thumbnails_width) return; if (image_left < Math.abs(long_filmstrip_cont_left)) jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnails_1").animate( left: -image_left , duration: 500, complete: function () bwg_filmstrip_arrows_1(); ); else if (image_right > long_filmstrip_cont_right) jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnails_1").animate( left: -(image_right - bwg_filmstrip_width) , duration: 500, complete: function () bwg_filmstrip_arrows_1(); ); function bwg_move_dots_1() var image_left = jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_active_1").position().left; var image_right = jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_active_1").position().left + jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_active_1").outerWidth(true); var bwg_dots_width = jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_container_1").outerWidth(true); var bwg_dots_thumbnails_width = jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_thumbnails_1").outerWidth(false); var long_filmstrip_cont_left = jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_thumbnails_1").position().left; var long_filmstrip_cont_right = Math.abs(jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_thumbnails_1").position().left) + bwg_dots_width; if (bwg_dots_width > bwg_dots_thumbnails_width) return; if (image_left < Math.abs(long_filmstrip_cont_left)) jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_thumbnails_1").animate( left: -image_left , duration: 500, complete: function () ); else if (image_right > long_filmstrip_cont_right) jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_thumbnails_1").animate( left: -(image_right - bwg_dots_width) , duration: 500, complete: function () ); /* Show/hide filmstrip arrows.*/ function bwg_filmstrip_arrows_1() if (jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnails_1").width() < jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_1").width()) jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_left_1").hide(); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_right_1").hide(); else jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_left_1").show(); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_right_1").show(); function bwg_testBrowser_cssTransitions_1() return bwg_testDom_1('Transition'); function bwg_testBrowser_cssTransforms3d_1() return bwg_testDom_1('Perspective'); function bwg_testDom_1(prop) /* Browser vendor CSS prefixes.*/ var browserVendors = ['', '-webkit-', '-moz-', '-ms-', '-o-', '-khtml-']; /* Browser vendor DOM prefixes.*/ var domPrefixes = ['', 'Webkit', 'Moz', 'ms', 'O', 'Khtml']; var i = domPrefixes.length; while (i--) if (typeof document.body.style[domPrefixes[i] + prop] !== 'undefined') return true; return false; function bwg_cube_1(tz, ntx, nty, nrx, nry, wrx, wry, current_image_class, next_image_class, direction) /* If browser does not support 3d transforms/CSS transitions.*/ if (!bwg_testBrowser_cssTransitions_1()) return bwg_fallback_1(current_image_class, next_image_class, direction); if (!bwg_testBrowser_cssTransforms3d_1()) return bwg_fallback3d_1(current_image_class, next_image_class, direction); bwg_trans_in_progress_1 = true; /* Set active thumbnail.*/ jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnail_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_active_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_deactive_1"); jQuery("#bwg_filmstrip_thumbnail_" + bwg_current_key_1 + "_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_deactive_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_active_1"); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_active_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_deactive_1"); jQuery("#bwg_dots_" + bwg_current_key_1 + "_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_deactive_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_active_1"); jQuery(".bwg_slide_bg_1").css('perspective', 1000); jQuery(current_image_class).css( transform : 'translateZ(' + tz + 'px)', backfaceVisibility : 'hidden' ); jQuery(next_image_class).css( opacity : 1, filter: 'Alpha(opacity=100)', zIndex: 2, backfaceVisibility : 'hidden', transform : 'translateY(' + nty + 'px) translateX(' + ntx + 'px) rotateY('+ nry +'deg) rotateX('+ nrx +'deg)' ); jQuery(".bwg_slider_1").css( transform: 'translateZ(-' + tz + 'px)', transformStyle: 'preserve-3d' ); /* Execution steps.*/ setTimeout(function () jQuery(".bwg_slider_1").css( transition: 'all ' + bwg_transition_duration_1 + 'ms ease-in-out', transform: 'translateZ(-' + tz + 'px) rotateX('+ wrx +'deg) rotateY('+ wry +'deg)' ); , 20); /* After transition.*/ jQuery(".bwg_slider_1").one('webkitTransitionEnd transitionend otransitionend oTransitionEnd mstransitionend', jQuery.proxy(bwg_after_trans)); function bwg_after_trans() /*if (bwg_from_focus_1) bwg_from_focus_1 = false; return; */ jQuery(current_image_class).removeAttr('style'); jQuery(next_image_class).removeAttr('style'); jQuery(".bwg_slider_1").removeAttr('style'); jQuery(current_image_class).css('opacity' : 0, filter: 'Alpha(opacity=0)', 'z-index': 1); jQuery(next_image_class).css('opacity' : 1, filter: 'Alpha(opacity=100)', 'z-index' : 2); bwg_change_watermark_container_1(); bwg_trans_in_progress_1 = false; if (typeof event_stack_1 !== 'undefined') if (event_stack_1.length > 0) key = event_stack_1[0].split("-"); event_stack_1.shift(); bwg_change_image_1(key[0], key[1], data_1, true); function bwg_cubeH_1(current_image_class, next_image_class, direction) /* Set to half of image width.*/ var dimension = jQuery(current_image_class).width() / 2; if (direction == 'right') bwg_cube_1(dimension, dimension, 0, 0, 90, 0, -90, current_image_class, next_image_class, direction); else if (direction == 'left') bwg_cube_1(dimension, -dimension, 0, 0, -90, 0, 90, current_image_class, next_image_class, direction); /* For browsers that does not support transitions.*/ function bwg_fallback_1(current_image_class, next_image_class, direction) bwg_fade_1(current_image_class, next_image_class, direction); /* For browsers that support transitions, but not 3d transforms (only used if primary transition makes use of 3d-transforms).*/ function bwg_fallback3d_1(current_image_class, next_image_class, direction) bwg_sliceV_1(current_image_class, next_image_class, direction); function bwg_none_1(current_image_class, next_image_class, direction) jQuery(current_image_class).css('opacity' : 0, 'z-index': 1); jQuery(next_image_class).css('opacity' : 1, 'z-index' : 2); bwg_change_watermark_container_1(); /* Set active thumbnail.*/ jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnail_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_active_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_deactive_1"); jQuery("#bwg_filmstrip_thumbnail_" + bwg_current_key_1 + "_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_deactive_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_active_1"); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_active_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_deactive_1"); jQuery("#bwg_dots_" + bwg_current_key_1 + "_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_deactive_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_active_1"); function bwg_fade_1(current_image_class, next_image_class, direction) /* Set active thumbnail.*/ jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnail_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_active_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_deactive_1"); jQuery("#bwg_filmstrip_thumbnail_" + bwg_current_key_1 + "_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_deactive_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_active_1"); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_active_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_deactive_1"); jQuery("#bwg_dots_" + bwg_current_key_1 + "_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_deactive_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_active_1"); if (bwg_testBrowser_cssTransitions_1()) jQuery(next_image_class).css('transition', 'opacity ' + bwg_transition_duration_1 + 'ms linear'); jQuery(current_image_class).css('opacity' : 0, 'z-index': 1); jQuery(next_image_class).css('opacity' : 1, 'z-index' : 2); bwg_change_watermark_container_1(); else jQuery(current_image_class).animate('opacity' : 0, 'z-index' : 1, bwg_transition_duration_1); jQuery(next_image_class).animate( 'opacity' : 1, 'z-index': 2 , duration: bwg_transition_duration_1, complete: function () bwg_change_watermark_container_1(); ); /* For IE.*/ jQuery(current_image_class).fadeTo(bwg_transition_duration_1, 0); jQuery(next_image_class).fadeTo(bwg_transition_duration_1, 1); function bwg_grid_1(cols, rows, ro, tx, ty, sc, op, current_image_class, next_image_class, direction) /* If browser does not support CSS transitions.*/ if (!bwg_testBrowser_cssTransitions_1()) return bwg_fallback_1(current_image_class, next_image_class, direction); bwg_trans_in_progress_1 = true; /* Set active thumbnail.*/ jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_thumbnail_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_active_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_deactive_1"); jQuery("#bwg_filmstrip_thumbnail_" + bwg_current_key_1 + "_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_deactive_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_thumb_active_1"); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_active_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_deactive_1"); jQuery("#bwg_dots_" + bwg_current_key_1 + "_1").removeClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_deactive_1").addClass("bwg_slideshow_dots_active_1"); /* The time (in ms) added to/subtracted from the delay total for each new gridlet.*/ var count = (bwg_transition_duration_1) / (cols + rows); /* Gridlet creator (divisions of the image grid, positioned with background-images to replicate the look of an entire slide image when assembled)*/ function bwg_gridlet(width, height, top, img_top, left, img_left, src, imgWidth, imgHeight, c, r) var delay = (c + r) * count; /* Return a gridlet elem with styles for specific transition.*/ return jQuery('<span class="bwg_gridlet_1" />').css( display : "block", width : width, height : height, top : top, left : left, backgroundImage : 'url("' + src + '")', backgroundColor: jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_image_wrap_1").css("background-color"), /*backgroundColor: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0),*/ backgroundRepeat: 'no-repeat', backgroundPosition : img_left + 'px ' + img_top + 'px', backgroundSize : imgWidth + 'px ' + imgHeight + 'px', transition : 'all ' + bwg_transition_duration_1 + 'ms ease-in-out ' + delay + 'ms', transform : 'none' ); /* Get the current slide's image.*/ var cur_img = jQuery(current_image_class).find('img'); /* Create a grid to hold the gridlets.*/ var grid = jQuery('<span style="display: block;" />').addClass('bwg_grid_1'); /* Prepend the grid to the next slide (i.e. so it's above the slide image).*/ jQuery(current_image_class).prepend(grid); /* vars to calculate positioning/size of gridlets*/ var cont = jQuery(".bwg_slide_bg_1"); var imgWidth = cur_img.width(); var imgHeight = cur_img.height(); var contWidth = cont.width(), contHeight = cont.height(), imgSrc = cur_img.attr('src'),/*.replace('/thumb', ''),*/ colWidth = Math.floor(contWidth / cols), rowHeight = Math.floor(contHeight / rows), colRemainder = contWidth - (cols * colWidth), colAdd = Math.ceil(colRemainder / cols), rowRemainder = contHeight - (rows * rowHeight), rowAdd = Math.ceil(rowRemainder / rows), leftDist = 0, img_leftDist = (jQuery(".bwg_slide_bg_1").width() - cur_img.width()) / 2; /* tx/ty args can be passed as 'auto'/'min-auto' (meaning use slide width/height or negative slide width/height).*/ tx = tx === 'auto' ? contWidth : tx; tx = tx === 'min-auto' ? - contWidth : tx; ty = ty === 'auto' ? contHeight : ty; ty = ty === 'min-auto' ? - contHeight : ty; /* Loop through cols*/ for (var i = 0; i < cols; i++) var topDist = 0, img_topDst = (jQuery(".bwg_slide_bg_1").height() - cur_img.height()) / 2, newColWidth = colWidth; /* If imgWidth (px) does not divide cleanly into the specified number of cols, adjust individual col widths to create correct total.*/ if (colRemainder > 0) var add = colRemainder >= colAdd ? colAdd : colRemainder; newColWidth += add; colRemainder -= add; /* Nested loop to create row gridlets for each col.*/ for (var j = 0; j < rows; j++) var newRowHeight = rowHeight, newRowRemainder = rowRemainder; /* If contHeight (px) does not divide cleanly into the specified number of rows, adjust individual row heights to create correct total.*/ if (newRowRemainder > 0) add = newRowRemainder >= rowAdd ? rowAdd : rowRemainder; newRowHeight += add; newRowRemainder -= add; /* Create & append gridlet to grid.*/ grid.append(bwg_gridlet(newColWidth, newRowHeight, topDist, img_topDst, leftDist, img_leftDist, imgSrc, imgWidth, imgHeight, i, j)); 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return; */ jQuery(current_image_class).css('opacity' : 0, 'z-index': 1); jQuery(next_image_class).css('opacity' : 1, 'z-index' : 2); cur_img.css('opacity', 1); bwg_change_watermark_container_1(); grid.remove(); bwg_trans_in_progress_1 = false; if (typeof event_stack_1 !== 'undefined') if (event_stack_1.length > 0) key = event_stack_1[0].split("-"); event_stack_1.shift(); bwg_change_image_1(key[0], key[1], data_1, true); function bwg_sliceV_1(current_image_class, next_image_class, direction) if (direction == 'right') var translateY = 'min-auto'; else if (direction == 'left') var translateY = 'auto'; bwg_grid_1(10, 1, 0, 0, translateY, 1, 0, current_image_class, next_image_class, direction); function bwg_scaleOut_1(current_image_class, next_image_class, direction) bwg_grid_1(1, 1, 0, 0, 0, 1.5, 0, current_image_class, next_image_class, direction); function bwg_blindH_1(current_image_class, next_image_class, direction) bwg_grid_1(10, 1, 0, 0, 0, .7, 0, current_image_class, next_image_class); function bwg_iterator_1() var iterator = 1; if (0) iterator = Math.floor((data_1.length - 1) * Math.random() + 1); return iterator; function bwg_change_image_1(current_key, key, data_1, from_effect) /* Pause videos.*/ jQuery("#bwg_slideshow_image_container_1").find("iframe").each(function () jQuery(this)[0].contentWindow.postMessage('"event":"command","func":"pauseVideo","args":""', '*'); jQuery(this)[0].contentWindow.postMessage(' "method": "pause" ', "*"); jQuery(this)[0].contentWindow.postMessage('pause', '*'); ); if (data_1[key]) if (jQuery('.bwg_ctrl_btn_1').hasClass('fa-pause')) bwg_play_1(); if (!from_effect) /* Change image key.*/ jQuery("#bwg_current_image_key_1").val(key); if (current_key == '-1') /* Filmstrip.*/ current_key = jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_thumb_active_1").children("img").attr("image_key"); else if (current_key == '-2') /* Dots.*/ current_key = jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_active_1").attr("image_key"); if (bwg_trans_in_progress_1) event_stack_1.push(current_key + '-' + key); 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".bwg_slideshow_image_spun_1" : ".bwg_slideshow_image_second_spun_1"; var next_image_class = current_image_class == ".bwg_slideshow_image_second_spun_1" ? 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true : false; if (typeof data_1[index] != "undefined") if (!is_embed) jQuery("<img/>").attr("src", 'https://localfreshies.com/wp-content/uploads/photo-gallery' + jQuery('<span style="display: block;" />').html(data_1[index]["image_url"]).text()); else for (var i = 0; i < data_1.length; i++) var is_embed = data_1[i]['filetype'].indexOf("EMBED_") > -1 ? true : false; if (typeof data_1[i] != "undefined") if (!is_embed) jQuery("<img/>").attr("src", 'https://localfreshies.com/wp-content/uploads/photo-gallery' + jQuery('<span style="display: block;" />').html(data_1[i]["image_url"]).text()); function bwg_popup_resize_1() var parent_width = jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_image_wrap_1").parent().width(); if (parent_width >= 800) jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_image_wrap_1").css(width: 800); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_image_wrap_1").css(height: 500); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_image_container_1").css(width: 800); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_image_container_1").css(height: (500)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_image_1").css( cssText: "max-width: 800px !important; max-height: 500px !important;" ); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_embed_1").css( cssText: "width: 800px !important; height: 500px !important;" ); bwg_resize_instagram_post_1(); /* Set watermark container size.*/ bwg_change_watermark_container_1(); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_container_1").css(width: 800); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_1").css(width: (800 - 40)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_container_1").css(width: 800); jQuery("#bwg_slideshow_play_pause-ico_1").css(fontSize: (60)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_watermark_image_1").css(maxWidth: 90, maxHeight: 90); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_watermark_text_1, .bwg_slideshow_watermark_text_1:hover").css(fontSize: (12)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_title_text_1").css(fontSize: (32)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_description_text_1").css(fontSize: (28)); else jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_image_wrap_1").css(width: (parent_width)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_image_wrap_1").css(height: ((parent_width) * 0.625)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_image_container_1").css(width: (parent_width)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_image_container_1").css(height: ((parent_width) * 0.625 - 0)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_image_1").css( cssText: "max-width: " + parent_width + "px !important; max-height: " + (parent_width * (0.625) - 0 - 1) + "px !important;" ); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_embed_1").css( cssText: "width: " + parent_width + "px !important; height: " + (parent_width * (0.625) - 0 - 1) + "px !important;" ); bwg_resize_instagram_post_1(); /* Set watermark container size.*/ bwg_change_watermark_container_1(); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_container_1").css(width: (parent_width)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_filmstrip_1").css(width: (parent_width - 40)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_dots_container_1").css(width: (parent_width)); jQuery("#bwg_slideshow_play_pause-ico_1").css(fontSize: ((parent_width) * 0.075)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_watermark_image_1").css(maxWidth: ((parent_width) * 0.1125), maxHeight: ((parent_width) * 0.1125)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_watermark_text_1, .bwg_slideshow_watermark_text_1:hover").css(fontSize: ((parent_width) * 0.015)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_title_text_1").css(fontSize: ((parent_width) * 0.04)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_description_text_1").css(fontSize: ((parent_width) * 0.035)); jQuery(".bwg_slideshow_image_1").css('display':'inline-block'); if (data_1[parseInt(jQuery("#bwg_current_image_key_1").val())]["is_embed_video"]) jQuery("#bwg_slideshow_play_pause_1").css(display: 'none'); else jQuery("#bwg_slideshow_play_pause_1").css(display: ''); jQuery(document).ready(function() bwg_popup_resize_1(); ); jQuery(document).ready(function () jQuery('#ajax_loading_1').hide(); if (typeof jQuery().swiperight !== 'undefined') if (jQuery.isFunction(jQuery().swiperight)) jQuery('#bwg_container1_1').swiperight(function () bwg_change_image_1(parseInt(jQuery('#bwg_current_image_key_1').val()), (parseInt(jQuery('#bwg_current_image_key_1').val()) - bwg_iterator_1()) >= 0 ? 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"&filter_search_name_1=" + jQuery("#bwg_search_input_1" ).val() : ''; spider_createpopup('https://localfreshies.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php?action=GalleryBox&current_view=1&gallery_id=16&theme_id=1&open_with_fullscreen=0&open_with_autoplay=0&image_width=900&image_height=700&image_effect=fade&wd_sor=order&wd_ord=asc&enable_image_filmstrip=1&image_filmstrip_height=70&enable_image_ctrl_btn=1&enable_image_fullscreen=1&popup_enable_info=1&popup_info_always_show=0&popup_info_full_width=0&popup_hit_counter=0&popup_enable_rate=0&slideshow_interval=5&enable_comment_social=1&enable_image_facebook=1&enable_image_twitter=1&enable_image_google=1&enable_image_pinterest=0&enable_image_tumblr=0&watermark_type=none&slideshow_effect_duration=1&tags=0&current_url=https%3A%2F%2Flocalfreshies.com%2Fwp-cron.php%3Fdoing_wp_cron%3D1519743940.4591228961944580078125&image_id=' + image_id + "&filter_tag_1=" + filterTags + ecommerce + filtersearchname, '1', '900', '700', 1, 'testpopup', 5, "bottom"); var bwg_hash = window.location.hash.substring(1); if (bwg_hash) if (bwg_hash.indexOf("bwg") != "-1") bwg_hash_array = bwg_hash.replace("bwg", "").split("/"); if(bwg_hash_array[0] == "16") bwg_gallery_box_1(bwg_hash_array[1]); function bwg_document_ready_1() var bwg_touch_flag = false; jQuery(".bwg_lightbox_1").on("click", function () if (!bwg_touch_flag) bwg_touch_flag = true; setTimeout(function() bwg_touch_flag = false; , 100); bwg_gallery_box_1(jQuery(this).attr("data-image-id")); return false; ); jQuery(".bwg_lightbox_1 .bwg_ecommerce").on("click", function (event) event.stopPropagation(); if (!bwg_touch_flag) bwg_touch_flag = true; setTimeout(function() bwg_touch_flag = false; , 100); var image_id = jQuery(this).closest(".bwg_lightbox_1").attr("data-image-id"); bwg_gallery_box_1(image_id, true); return false; ); jQuery(document).ready(function () bwg_document_ready_1(); );

With local brews on tap, tasty sandwiches and an awesome interior, we understood why so many in the city consider this place the “anchor” of the downtown revitalization. You can’t go wrong with anything on the menu but one of our favorites was the C. Alan named after one of his friends. A slight twist on the Reuben, the sauce is sweet & tangy which goes well with the homemade pastrami served on a warm crispy marble rye.

After a few days around Twin Falls, it was time to head east… Pocatello is up next and the fabled Pebble Creek Ski Area.

[grillpartsfactory-blog]

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[women-are-visual]

My Boyfriend’s Midlife Crisis

I haven’t posted in awhile. I’ve been going through a lot emotionally and I find it hard to write during those times.

A few months ago in April, Scott, my boyfriend of 20 years, began going out every night and coming home drunk at 12:30 or 1:00 in the morning.

I’m sitting at my computer desk when I hear his key in the door. The knob turns and the door runner slides across the floor. He’s laughing. “Paul and I met some firemen who made us do shots. I’m so drunk, I’m spinning,” he says. He moans and sits down on the Mission chair in his office and takes off his wingtips. He’s still dressed in his business clothing for his job as an IT consultant, a light blue button down shirt and olive wool pants. He’s 46 and has laugh lines on either side of his mouth and some grey hair mixed in with the black, but he’s still tall and slim, dark and handsome. We’ve known each other since we were teenagers, when he was a new waver with long bangs and I was a punk rocker with a bald head. He is the giant and I am the elf. He is the rock and I am the spark. But he’s not the rock anymore.

“I’m hungry. Do we have anything to eat?” he asks.

I tell him I made tacos for dinner and he says those sound good, so I go into the kitchen and begin cooking. I’m angry. I’ve spent another night alone, drinking beer and vodka, sitting on the back steps of our apartment building and smoking in the cool dark night. I looked at the giant redwood trees and the lights of the little houses on the hills in the distance. After I had gone through all of the alcohol in the house, I drove to 7-11 to get more. The cashier, an Arab boy in a red vest, said, “Did you run out?” and I laughed. I got a six pack of Lagunitas IPA, a Skor bar, and a pack of Marlboro Reds. I’m not supposed to smoke because I’ve had breakdowns and it seems to trigger them, but I’m a punk rock girl again, pissed off and rebelling against my boyfriend’s rules. I drove home and smoked and drank some more and rubbed myself with peppermint essential oil before Scott got home, to cover the smell, but he hasn’t noticed anything.

He sits down at the table and I serve him a plate of tacos, but I can’t control my anger.

“Here you go, fucker.”

He laughs and starts eating. “These are great,” he says. He doesn’t care about me or my temper anymore. Afterwards, he sits in his recliner and gets on his laptop and acts like I’m not even there.

“I was lonely tonight,” I tell him.

“That’s not my fault. You need to get a life. You’re a burden. I’m sick of dealing with your moods. You need a counselor and a social life. I don’t care what you do. Just let me go out and have fun. I’m having a midlife crisis and I can’t care for you anymore. I cared for you during your sister’s death and your breakdowns. You owe me.”

“You’re having an affair.”

“I couldn’t have an affair if I wanted to. No women like me,” he says.

This goes on for a month or two.

On a Friday night, we go to one of our favorite restaurants for dinner and drinks. We split a salad and a steak frites and I get a cocktail and Scott gets a cabernet. We normally have fun, talking and laughing, but that night he stares through me and acts bored.

“What are you thinking about? It’s another woman, isn’t it?”

“No, you know how it is when you socialize, how you think about every stupid thing you said afterward.”

“You wouldn’t think about your autistic friends that much.”

He gets up to use the bathroom and I ask him if I can look at photos on his phone, but he pretends not to hear me and takes it with him. My heart starts beating hard.

“You’re cheating on me,” I say when he gets back to the table.

“No, I’m not, I’m just bitching to my friends about you and I don’t want you to see it because it would hurt you. I need to be able to talk about my problems with my friends. You do it with your friends and you wouldn’t want me to see your conversations.”

We go home and I put on LED tea lights and we listen to new wave: The Cure, Siouxsie, The Fall, and Molly Nillson. I sit at my computer desk and play everything off of YouTube, which has videos, song suggestions on the right, and comments. We have the argument about YouTube vs. Spotify again.

“YouTube is so much better,” I say. “It’s interactive. Spotify is just the Beatles listening app.”

Normally Scott dances on the big rug in front of the couch, but tonight he is too tired and he just sits in his recliner and drinks with his blue blockers on.

“Put on Stacks by Bon Iver,” he says.

“Okay,” I say. We listen to two lines, but it’s depressing and has a bad rhythm.

“This sucks, let’s listen to something else,” I say.

“Don’t say it sucks. Say you don’t like it, but don’t say it sucks and imply that I suck for liking it.”

“What are you talking about? Since when do I have to talk to you that way? We’re two monsters in a cave.”

“I’m breaking down; I can’t take it anymore.”

And another night of arguing begins.

The next day, after working on a website, I look up articles on the signs of someone cheating or having a midlife crisis. He has all of the signs of both. I email my friends and tell them what’s going on. I have very few friends, but the ones I do have tell me that I need to start working out and get hot. I need to feed him more and schedule a vacation so he can get some time away to write his sci-fi novel. I need to wear wigs and lingerie.

I shower and get dressed. I look in the mirror and see a chubby middle aged woman with short curly hair, but I still see the punk rock girl in me too, and I don’t think I look that bad. I have a nice body with big breasts, even if I am a little fat. It’s not about how I look. I have guts and my friends don’t get it. If Scott doesn’t want me, I’ll find someone else. My friend with Asperger’s, Cheryl, says the nicest thing.

“If you broke up, you would do better than him. He might have the money and the clothes, but he doesn’t have the joie de vivre that you do.” We smoke cigarettes and have a dance party in her studio, listening to the Ramones on our phones, and I feel better.

I’ve cheated too. I’ve made out with random guys and it was always mediocre. Most guys smell and they can’t kiss, they can’t hold a decent conversation or show interest in me or give me a compliment. I never get involved emotionally, I’m always grateful for Scott when I come home, so I can’t understand the way he’s treating me.

“I said you could have an affair if you wanted to, as long as you didn’t tell me about it,” I tell him. “But you’re supposed to feel guilty about it and be extra nice to me!”

Another month passes, then Scott leaves his computer on while he goes out to lunch with a friend. I see that his email is up and my heart starts beating hard, I can hear it pounding in my ears, and my face feels hot. I pull the shades and sit at his desk and find the tab with his Facebook messages on it. I read several conversations with his friends. The affair has been over for two months by that time. It was with some girl in her thirties and it was awful. I email my brother her picture and he says, “She looks like a bulldog.”

I call Scott while he’s still out. “I know about your affair,” I say.

“Wait there, I’ll be home in a minute,” he says, but I leave and go to Shepherd’s Canyon and sit in the sun and smoke. I don’t come home until that night, when he’s gone and staying at a friend’s. Another night of heavy drinking. I puke, then I drink some more and puke again. I sit on the kitchen floor and smoke a pack of cigarettes out the window. I worry about having another breakdown. I don’t want to talk to him, but I end up texting him late at night.

“Hey, you fucking piece of shit robot dick.”

“You owe me forgiveness,” he texts. “Love is about forgiveness. You ignored me for months at a time during your breakdowns and I stayed with you and cared for you. You cheated on me too with that guy in Germany.”

I know he’s right, but I can’t let it go. I’m beside myself, but I have been for the past few months anyway. I weave through the apartment that I normally so carefully clean and decorate, but it doesn’t feel like my home anymore. Nothing is the same because nobody loves me and there’s no one to share it with. My heart feels like there’s a fist squeezing it and I’m nauseous.

I call him the next day and we meet at a bar in uptown Oakland. He tells me about the affair and how shitty it was and eventually I tell him about my affairs too. We consider polyamory, but we decide that we don’t want to get into a polyamorous nerd slapping contest, in which each of us tries to outdo each other with hotter partners. We know nerd couples in Scott’s rationalist scene who do that.

“We’ve been together for 20 years,” he says. “Nothing’s going to break our relationship. I don’t have the history with anyone else.”

“I’m not going anywhere either,” I say. “You’re my favorite person.”

We get drunk. I ask him questions about the affair and he tells me everything. I find myself comforting him, trying to boost him after all. We talk and laugh and compliment each other and reminisce about our past friends in Buffalo and listen to the Violent Femmes and have great sex.

The funny thing is that, in the end, this affair actually helped our relationship. I find myself more attracted to my boyfriend than ever. I like to think of him as an evil stud. Our sex life has gotten better and we’ve decided to be more honest and less controlling with each other.

“My friends were warning me that this affair might end our relationship,” Scott says, tisking and laughing. “They don’t understand what 20 years means.”

“We’ve been through death and madness,” I say. “An affair is nothing.”

October 16, 2017

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