#Six Kinder Eggs

[othernicknameisgaslighter]

The Wisp S2 - pt. 15

(Cross posted on tumblr and AO3)

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Five wiped his nose and Y/N touched her forehead, great... It was bleeding. The both of them chased after their father and Five shouted something that Y/N knew far too well of. "Ἄνδρα μοι ἔννεπε, μοῦσα, πολύτροπον, ὃς μάλα πολλὰ!" Five shouted. Reginald turned to look at the two teens before going back into his car and driving off.

Five sighed and Y/N rubbed his shoulder for comfort, "We'll get him next time, Five." She said reassuringly. Five shook his head.

Diego and Lila appeared next to the duo as Five confirmed that it was, indeed, their father. "Y'know, I'm starting to get the feeling that dad's avoiding us." Five said, putting his hands in his pocket.

"Hate to be the boring one, guys, but it's time we get the hell out of here." Lila said, hurrying away quickly before getting stopped by Five.

"When you say 'we', who exactly are you referring to?" Five asked.

"Not a lot of ambiguity in that sentence." Lila said, looking between Diego and Y/N.

"Listen, I don't know who you are or where you came from, but whatever it is, I advise you to return posthaste." Five said with a fake smile.

"She's right, Five. We gotta get out of here." Diego said as more and more of the authorities showed up.

"I just saved your life, you kinder-shit." Lila defended, "If I hadn't stepped in, all that would've been left of you is a blazer and some bloody socks."

"And that's the problem. You're too good. You ask too many questions. You know too much." Five accused, scrutinizing the woman. "And you fight like you know what you're doing."

"He's got a point." Diego and Y/N both said.

"So I know how to handle myself and that makes me the bad guy?" Lila asked. Y/N sighed.

"Lila, he does have a point." Y/N crossed her arms, "No one who goes to an asylum and knows how to handle themselves can run up on walls and choke someone with their legs while hanging on a chandelier."

"I thought you were on my side." Lila said. Y/N grimaced.

"Since when were there sides?" Y/N asked.

"Well, whoever you are, you're in my way." Five said, "If I see you again, I will kill you." He said, grabbing Y/N's hand and leading the both of them away.

_____________________________________________________

"No, no, no. I don't understand." Diego said, pacing back and forth in the kitchen, "They keep following me."

"Who?" Luther asked.

"Those dutch psychopaths." Diego sighed.

"They're Swedish." Five and Y/N both said as the girl handed Luther some pepper and salt. Her forehead had a bandage on it from when the Swedish guy bashed her head last night.

"They're hired guns paid to eradicate us if we do any more damage to the timeline." Five explained.

"Makes sense, after all, they're Swedish." Y/N said and handed Luther the cayenne.

"Yeah, but why now?" Diego asked, "I mean... I'm fine for three months until you showed up."

"Yeah, I was here for a year and no one messed with me." Luther said before turning to Y/N, "What about you?"

Y/N shrugged, "I dunno. I guess I had a little trouble but other than that, I was fine."

"A little trouble?" Five asked, "What'd you mean by that?"

"Some guys showed up and tried to shoot me dead at the house." Y/N said, "Do you want spinach with that Luther?"

"No, I'm good."

"Alright- anyways, I buried them alive and no one else bothered me for a few months until Five showed up." Y/N said.

Diego and Five looked at each other before getting back to arguing once again. "Even if it was my fault, which it isn't, we only have six days before the end of the world, and the closest anyone's gotten to Dad was that driveway at the consulate."

"Well..." Luther sighed, "That's not exactly true." They all turned to him in confusion.

"What do you mean?" Five asked, stepping in closer.

"I saw him." Luther said, still cooking his eggs. He explained how he had to beg for money and how Reginald kicked him out of the house.

"That's pathetic." Diego said, sitting down as Luther brought the pan of eggs to the table and started eating them.

"Yeah, well, at least he didn't shank my ass." Luther said.

"No, dude. He shanked your heart." Diego said.

"What, like Lila did?" Y/N asked as she put away all the spices. Diego turned to her.

"Okay first of all, ouch. Second, may I remind about how you acted when Five disappeared?" Diego asked. Y/N froze before shrugging.

"Touché, off-brand batman." Y/N said. Diego scoffed as Elliot came into the kitchen.

"Is that my bathrobe?" Elliot asked Luther.

"No."

"Look, who cares what he shanked. He knows something about time travel." Five said.

"Um... Wait, why don't you just do your thing and, uh, time travel us out?" Elliot asked. They all turned to Five as Y/N sat down in between Luther and Diego.

"Anyone care to explain?" Five asked, clearly Elliot touched a nerve. He got up from the table and went to grab some coffee.

"First time he tried, he got lost in the apocalypse." Luther said, his voice muffled by the eggs.

"Second time, he ended up without hair on his balls." Diego said and Y/N snorted at the comment.

"Last time I tried, I scattered my family across three years in Dallas, Texas, possibly triggering a doomsday." Five said.

"There's no possibility, it's going to happen." Y/N crossed her arms as Five jumped to her and handed her a cup of coffee. “Thank you.” She smiled and took a sip.

"You're all missing the big picture here." Diego said, "Dad is the ringleader of a serious cabal that's planning to kill the president."

"A cabal?" Luther asked.

"Ignore him. Look, the way I see it, we only have one option." Five said, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" Luther asked.

"It's time to get the Umbrella Academy back together." Five sighed. Y/N groaned.

""Last I heard, Klaus was in India. Allison had a husband which is why Luther's so mopey, Diego was suddenly in an asylum, Vanya was living a good and happy life, and you were nowhere to be found." Y/N frowned.

"Wait, that's why you're eating eggs?" Diego asked. Luther sighed.

"Can one of you three just get Allison please." He said.

"You two still a thing?" Diego asked his brother before leaning in, "Do we need to talk?"

"No, like Y/N said, Allison's married." Luther sighed.

"Whoa, dude, that's rough." Diego sighed.

"I can handle it." Luther chuckled before stuffing his face with eggs with a mopey expression. He was clearly not handling it.

"I'll get her." Five said, placing his mug on the table. Y/N stood up from the table.

"I'll come." She said before turning to Luther, "Don't squeeze Vanya until she suffocates, alright?" Luther looked at Y/N before nodding. She smiled before taking Five's hand and they both jumped away.

Luther and Diego turned to each other with a nod, "Are they...?"

"No." Diego sighed.

"But..."

"Yeah, I think we all know."

_____________________________________________________

Y/N sighed as she looked around, "Now, let's see, Luthur, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Five, Vanya. Me... We just need Ben now."

"He's here, don't worry." Klaus smiled. Y/N saw Vanya and smiled.

"I can't believe I have sisters." Vanya smiled, coming downstairs and giving the both of them a hug. Klaus came over and gave the three of them a hug.

"Oh, that's so sweet." He cried.

"No, Jesus." Allison said, pushing him away playfully.

"Hi." Vanya said, her voice muffled.

"Hey, Vanny." Klaus kissed her head and let go.

"Klaus, is Ben here?" Five asked.

"Oh, uh, no... Unfortunately ghosts can't time travel." Klaus said. Y/N sighed, he was clearly lying and she could basically hear Ben yelling at Klaus.

"Alright then, let's get started." Five and everyone else filed up the stairs to the loft.

“It’s nice to see you again, Vanya.” Y/N smiled and Vanya nodded.

“It’s nice to see you again as well. Even though I don’t really remember you, you seem nice.” Vanya said and Y/N’s heart swelled with warmth.

"Alright, first off, I wanna say I'm sorry. I know I screwed the pooch on this whole going-back-in-time-and-getting-stuck thing." Five apologized, looking at Y/N for a bit before looking at all of them. "But the real kick in the pants here is we brought the end of the world back here with us."

"Oh my god, again?" Klaus gasped before looking at everyone, "All of you knew? Why am I the last one to find out about the end of- Oh my god, my cult is gonna be so pissed. Five, I told them we had until 2019." Klaus complained.

"Klaus starting a cult was not on my list of things that we end up doing throughout the universe... " Y/N muttered to herself.

"We have until Monday. We have six days." Five said, glaring at Klaus.

"Is it Vanya?" Klaus asked, taking a drink of liquor out of a red cup.

"Klaus."

"What, it's usually Vanya." Klaus sighed.

"Do you have any leads, Five?" Vanya asked, trying to get to the topic at hand.

Diego handed him a file, "Yeah, we have one." Five said and handed the file to Allison. She gasped.

"Holy shit, is that dad?" Allison asked.

"Yeah." Diego sighed.

"That's him?" Vanya asked, surprised that her adoptive father was the cause of the world ending once again. Y/N sighed.

"Standing on the grassy knoll." Diego said.

"Diego and I have been trying to talk to dad about what this means." Five said. "So far, we g ot nothing."

"Can't I just-" Y/N snapped her fingers and the lamp next to Diego was crushed flat, "Kill him?"

"We're not killing dad, if we kill him, there's a chance that the future changes and we won't exist in 2019." Five said. Y/N thought for a moment before nodding, he wasn't wrong.

"He's planning to kill Kennedy." Diego mentioned.

"Maybe, but we don't know what or who sets doomsday into motion." Five said and placed the file back onto the table, "Could be Kennedy, could be something entirely different. But if we know something changes the timeline, we have to make it right."

"Yeah, but how're we supposed to fix it if we don't know what's broken?" Allison asked.

"Oh, come on. Do the math." Diego said. "We know dad's having shady-ass meetings with shady-ass people. We know he's on the grassy knoll in three days to kill the president. So I think we all know what we have to do."

"Find dad." "Kill dad." Both Diego and Five said. Y/N raised her hand.

"I'll kill him. Since he's trained all of us, he knows all of our combat moves which means that it can't be Diego or Luther. It can't be Allison because I believe she has a range on her rumoring and dad's pretty good with long range as well, Vanya probably doesn't remember her powers, Klaus is too high to do anything which means..." Y/N pointed to herself, "I get to kill him."

"How do you think so fast?" Diego asked.

"We're not killing dad, Y/N."

"I'm just saying that if we do, I'll kill him." Y/N shrugged, "And you guys can stab the body- if there is one left- if you wanna take your anger out on him."

"None of us are supposed to be here, right? So, what if it's us?" Vanya asked, "Has anyone here done anything to screw up the timeline?"

"Diego's been stalking Lee Harvey Oswald." Luther said after a moment of silence.

"And you're working for Jack Ruby."

"Allison has been very involved in some local politics."

"Okay, you started a cult."

"I'm... I'm just a... Nanny on a farm." Vanya shrugged. Y/N patted her back.

"Well I think we all know it's not Vanya." Y/N smiled reassuringly.

"What about you, Cici? You got any confessions?" Allison asked. The girl shrugged.

"I mean, I’ve been pretty chill. Don’t think I’ve done anything crazy recently.” Y/N frowned.

"Well, maybe you do, you just don't know it yet." Allison said.

"That could be said about each of us though." Y/N countered. Diego suddenly whistled sharply and they all turned their heads towards him.

"Listen to yourselves, everything in our lives has been connected to Kennedy's." Diego said, "That can't be a coincidence. Luther works for Ruby, Allison is protesting against the government, Dad is on grassy knoll, Klaus is... Doing something weird and pervy but probably related as well. See, clearly, we were all sent here for one special reason: saving John Fitzgerald Kennedy."

"Actually, we were sent here to escape the apocalypse from 2019 but you can think that Diego." Y/N said and Allison handed her the bottle of liquor.  “But I don’t think Five’s gonna let you save your little boyfriend.”

Diego started yelling at Y/N before Allison chimed in, Vanya tried to diffuse the tension and soon everyone was arguing. It reminded Y/N of when we were kids. The overwhelming feeling, the overstimulation of the voices... All the good stuff. 

"Guys, you all die. I was there. I saw it. And I wanna forget it, but I can't. I saw Russian nukes vaporize the world with all of you in it... In a war that never happened until we brought it here." Five said, "And Hazel gave his life to save us, so you may need to shut up and just listen to me. I don't know if the things we experienced here are all connected. I don't know if there's a reason for everything. But dad will. We need to talk to him before everything and everyone we know is dead."

"Okay, I'm out." Luther said, getting up from his chair.

"Did you even hear me, Luther?" Five asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, I did." Luther said, "I heard a 50-year-old-man who still wants his daddy to come back and fix everything. Well, you can count me out. It's time we all grew the hell up."

"I'm starting to think that we should all get therapists." Y/N sighed and downed the rest of the liquor from the bottle.

"Hey, where're you going?" Diego asked, following Luther out of the house. Five jumps in front of Luther and sighed.

"No one leaves until we figure this out." Five said. Luther stared at Five before throwing him off the railing, Five blinked away so he couldn't get hurt.

Y/N sighed as Klaus, Allison, and Vanya stood up. Vanya turned to Y/N and held out her hand for her to take, "Are you coming?"

She smiled, taking her hand. "Sure."

_____________________________________________________

Allison growled before shaking her head, "The nerve of that man. I mean, one thing goes wrong, and he's on a warpath. I mean, doesn't know who I am? No, no. No, Ray, you know exactly who I am. You just can't handle it!"

"You want some relationship advice, Allison?" Y/N asked as she spun around in the chair next to Klaus.

Klaus gasped, "Oh, yes! She gives the best advice on everything, Allison."

"Really?" Allison turned to Y/N and the girl nodded, "Wow, okay... Well, shoot."

"From what I've gathered from the thirty minutes of you venting to us, I can tell that you don't want this marriage, something you're actually happy about, to turn into your old marriage." Y/N said, "Clearly, Ray doesn't trust you because he doesn't know if he knows you." Y/N stood up, taking the bottle from Allison, "Allison, really focus on what Ray is saying without planning your response, share your feelings and thoughts openly. Honesty builds trust, but it's important to express yourself in a respectful and non-accusatory way. And also, it depends if you actually want to listen to your husband or if you just want everything to be swept under a rug.”

"Why're you so good at this? I mean, have you ever been in a relationship before?" Allison asked.

"Yes, it was her and Five for that one time, remember?" Klaus whispered to Allison. The dark-skinned woman turned to Y/N, who was drinking straight from the bottle.

"You and Five were a thing?!" Allison exclaimed. Vanya turned her chair.

"We never were a thing! Why does everyone think that?" Y/N sighed. Vanya suddenly spoke up.

"Well, you look at each other like how Sissy and I look at each other." Vanya said, "Like you guys warm each other up, like two pieces of a puzzle."

Y/N stayed silent as she spun around her chair some more, deep in thought as she remembered all those... Glances and hand holding… “We’re nothing like that.” She simply said and Klaus and Allison exchanged looks of confusion and suspicion.

"Is the world really gonna end in six days?" Vanya suddenly asked.

"Well, it did last time, and we did everything Five could think of to stop it." Allison said. Y/N pursed her lips.

"And I think you guess how well that went, Vanny." Y/N said, stopping the chair she was spinning and taking a drink from the bottle.

"Hey, wouldn't it be weird if Y/N or Five grew up all hot?" Klaus asked. Y/N turned to him.

"I'm right here, Klaus."

"Eww!" Allison said as Klaus got up from the salon chair.

"'Oh, ew, ew'. Please, Miss 'Luther was my lover'." Klaus mocked while making kissing noises.

"We have never kissed!" Allison yelled.

"Yeah, but you guys were making little moon-dog eyes at each other." Klaus said, "All through puberty and breakfast and all that."

"Aren't we all brothers and sisters? Or..." Vanya's voice trailed off and Allison tried to explain herself while Klaus made fun of her.

"Well, what about Five and Y/N?" Allison asked.

"When was I in the conversation?" Y/N asked. Klaus scoffed, clearly drunk and high.

"Well, actually, Y/N wasn't exactly adopted. She was there for 'school purposes' so it doesn't count." Klaus giggled.

"Okay, can... Can we focus?" Allison asked, "I mean, clearly we're not saving the world tonight but maybe, maybe we could at least try to save my marriage."

"You want more advice?" Y/N asked.

"No! No, because that's like... That's like asking a nun how to hump a leg." Klaus stumbled. "I mean, who in this room knows shit about relationships, this one?" Klaus pointed to Vanya, "In secret love with some farm Frau."

"Her name's Sissy."

"Which is an improvement on her previous love interest, the serial killer." Klaus said as Allison shook her head not to say anything. Y/N sighed.

"What?!" Vanya exclaimed.

"We'll tell you later, Vanya. Don't worry it's not as bad as you think it is." Y/N said reassuringly.

"Meanwhile, I'm carrying a torch... For a soldier I haven't technically met yet." Klaus raised his flask, "And Luther is... In love with his sister."

"Okay, again, we are not biological." Allison said.

"Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin." Klaus said, "Or, when we were kids and Five used to hang out in Y/N's room while they were being nerds and banging each other!"

"I wouldn't say that was the healthiest relationship. If we're talking platonic-wise, it was you and Ben." Y/N smiled, choosing to ignore his comment about her and Five ‘banging’.

Klaus paused before giggling, "Thanks, Cici! See, Cici always makes everyone feel better even though she never feels good herself!"

"Okay, I take it back." Y/N groaned.

"The only thing the Umbrella Academy knows about love, is how to screw it up." Klaus raised his flask. Y/N raised the half empty bottle in her hand.

"Amen." Y/N chuckled.

"How do you guys deal with this?" Vanya asked, "I mean, all of it. The time travel, seeing the dead, the end of the world."

"Well, I get really high." Klaus said, sitting down, "Allison... Allison... Lies to herself." Allison kicked a chair towards him. "Y/N likes to... Uh... Kill people." Y/N threw the empty bottle at Klaus, which shattered on the floor. "And you suppress your emotions deep, deep down until you... Blow shit up."

"Yeah, I'd really like to not do that anymore." Vanya said.

"Well you've got six days, missy." Klaus smiled.

"What the hell are we supposed to do in six days?" Allison asked.

"Fuck up our lives in the 60s before saving the world and leaving it all behind to go back to 2019?" Y/N suggested.

"I'm gonna tell Sissy that I love her." Vanya sat up straight, "I don't want any secrets."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah! You're right." Allison realized, "Yes, cause, you know, if... If it's all gonna go tits-up, the least I could do is be honest with my husband!"

"Oh... Does that mean I'm gonna have to face my cult?" Klaus asked. Y/N sighed as Vanya smiled at her.

"And that also means..." Vanya's voice trailed off. Y/N frowned.

"No."

"Yes."

"He doesn't even like me like that!"

"So you admit that you like him?" Vanya teased, "Weren't you just saying that honesty builds trust?"

Y/N sighed, rubbing her face, "Fine. But Klaus still has to face his cult."

"I just hate group breakups. It's why I stopped dating twins." Klaus sighed.

"This family's amazing!" Vanya said, raising her arms up high. Klaus and Allison chuckled as Klaus walked up to the woman and put his arm around her.

"C'mon, Vanya!" Allison smiled, "You too Y/N!" Y/N and Vanya both joined the drunken group and laughed together as they squeezed into a big hug.

_____________________________________________________

"Five?" Y/N called out. Five turned and frowned.

"What're you doing here?" Five asked. Y/N shrugged.

"I got a letter from this old dude." Y/N said as they both walked up the glass stairs together.

"Hm, makes sense." Five nodded, "So do you think the rest of our family got the letter?"

"I dunno, I went back to Elliot's place and the letter was just handed to me." The girl explained as she entered the elevator and ruffled her hair slightly.

"Well, you look nice." Five said. Y/N turned to Five.

"I... Always look like this?" Y/N said with a slightly confused expression. Before Five could say anything, the rest of the family suddenly filed into the elevator. After a while, a foul scent filled the enclosed space.

"Oh..." Allison gagged after sniffing the air.

"Oof." Five and Vanya spoke disgustedly.

"Luther!"

"Oh, my God."

“I’m killing myself.”

"Sorry, I'm nervous." He apologized shortly followed by the elevator dinging and all of them fighting for breath to get out of the elevator and away from Luther.

"Alright, when dad gets here, I'll do the talking." Five said as they entered a restaurant called the 'Tiki Lounge'.

"I've got a few questions myself." Diego said. Y/N took her coat off and sat next Five, brushing out her hair with her fingers nervously.

"Hey, we don't wanna scare him off." Five said, "He might be able to help us stop doomsday and get home."

"No, Five. We need to figure out why he's planning to kill the president." Diego disagreed.

"This is a matter of life and death, you imbecile." Five insulted as all of their family members sat down at the circular shaped table.

"Okay, yeah, maybe we should take turns talking." Vanya said before looking around and grabbing a (probably plastic) shell off of one of the tables, "Here, whoever has got this conch shell gets to talk."

"Why is Vanya having to use her nanny skills on grown adults?" Y/N asked to herself, cracking her back on the chair.

"Vanya, we don't have time for a debate." Five said, clearly stressed. Whether it was seeing his father again or the end of the world, no one really knew. But Cici knew that he had his thinking face on.

"Maybe I should lead." Allison said, taking the conch shell from Vanya, "We all know I'm a much better public speaker than the rest of you."

"Okay, Daddy's girl." Diego commented.

"Oh, jealous, Number Two?" Allison asked mockingly.

"Hey, no numbers." Diego snapped, "No more bullshit we're Team Zero."

"Umbrella Academy sounds better." Y/N said and Diego turned to her.

"I thought you hated it?" Diego asked and Y/N shrugged with a ‘I know but it sounds badass.’

"It has a nice ring to it." Y/N said and Diego sighed.

"Uh, Diego and Y/N." Luther interrupted, "You don't have the conch." He smiled innocently. Whether it was a fake one that was mocking them or a real one, Y/N couldn't tell. Diego nodded before grabbing it from Allison's hand and launching it away, causing it to shatter. Suddenly, the door opened to reveal... Reginald Hargreeves.

The old man quickly wasted no time into getting seated, "Not only have you burglarized my lab, set my chimp loose, conned your way into the Mexican consulate, repeatedly stalked and attacked me, but you have, on numerous occasions, called me..."

Klaus sat down next to him with a martini in hand, obviously drunk, and smiled. "Hey, Pop. How's it hangin'?"

"... Dad." Reginald said with a frown, "My reconnaissance tells me you're not CIA, not KGB, certainly not M15, so... Who are you?"

Everyone opened their mouths, but nothing came out as they didn't know how to explain to him that they were his... Future children. "We're your children." Five said, adjusting himself in his seat. Reginald turned to him sharply. "From the future. In 1989, you adopted us and trained us to fight against the end of the world. Called us the Umbrella Academy."

"Yeah, and you were an asshole of a father." Y/N mumbled under her breath and Five kicked her leg. She winced and kicked him back before Reginald spoke again.

"Why would I adopt seven-"

"Eight. One of us isn't here." Allison said.

"Dead." Diego said, which seemed to speak enough words on its own, "One of us is dead."

"Yeah, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba." Klaus suddenly said and everyone turned to each other, if he was talking to himself then Ben was definitely there... Somewhere, "Enough of that now."

"Enough of that now. Regardless, what would possess me to adopt seven ill-mannered malcontents?" Reginald asked curiously.

"We all have special abilities." Y/N said

"Special? In what sense?" Reginald asked curiously.

"In the superpower sense." Luther sighed, probably remembering how Reginald shanked his heart earlier the following year.

"Called me old-fashioned, but I'm a stickler for a pesky little thing called evidence. Show me." Reginald said.

"Everybody wants to see powers all of a sudden." Allison scoffed, taking a sip of her drink from the tiki cup.

"We're not circus animals, okay? We're not gonna bounce balls on our noses and clap our hands like seals for your amusement." Luther said, clearly aggravated. He spent so long being Reginald's number one, his top child, and then was thrown out when he went to him for help.

 Y/N felt... Sad for him. Even if she was never close to him, she'd feel bad for anyone who felt as if their life was just thrown away.

Diego suddenly throws one of his knives, aiming for Reginald, but nearly misses him as he's able to angle it to one of the wooden beams. The knife gets stuck in the wall with a metallic thud. Reginald purses his lips, clearly not fazed, before writing something down in his notebook that Y/N noticed he had earlier. "What are you writing?" Diego asked.

"You are zero for two, young man." Reginald said and Allison snickered. Diego's face turned to anger and he quickly went to go over to him before Five teleported to him and stopped him.

"Stop." Five whispered.

"Now that is interesting." Reginald commented.

"Alright, quick run-down." Five said and started to come back to his seat. "Luther: Super strength, Klaus can commune with the dead, Allison can rumor anyone to do anything-"

"Except she never uses it." Diego said as he sat down.

"I heard a rumor that you punched yourself in the face." Allison said and Diego's eyes turned white before he punched himself.

Vanya and Y/N looked at each other with a smirk before Reginald asked Vanya, "And you?"

"Uh, maybe we don't take Vanya for a test run." Luther said.

"Oh, yeah, that's probably not a good idea." Klaus said, his voice starting to slur from the drinks.

“I say it’s a great idea.” Y/N chimed in with a smile.

"It's fine." Vanya said as she picked her fork up, "I can handle it."

As everyone started to protest against it, Vanya clinked the glass and seemed to aim the sound towards the large fruit display in the middle of the table.  Y/N chuckled as Vanya looked at her with a smile before the fruit splattered on everyone, Y/N hiding herself from the fruit by ducking down. 

"Oops." Vanya said with a mischievous smile. Y/N clapped before taking a sip of her drink with a satisfied smile.

"You, young lady." Reginald pointed to Y/N, who brushed a piece of fruit off of her shoulder. "What can you do?"

"Telekinesis. Or gravity control. Whatever you’d like to call it, I suppose." Y/N said as she snapped her fingers and the exploded pieces of fruit seemed to float back onto the table.

"Impressive." Reginald muttered and wrote another note down into his notebook. For some reason, Y/N felt off. Seeing her father after years and years was messing with her head, she was older now (at least mentally) and she felt as if she knew that her childhood was... Wrong. 

And she couldn't help but use that wrongness and turn it into anger... And using that anger into her power which made it harder to control. It hurt her.

The girl's hand shook slightly as she dug her nails into her thigh. Five noticed and took her hand into his. Y/N breathed in slowly, trying not to scream as Diego argued with his father.

 "That's you. That's two days from now on the grassy knoll at the exact spot the president's gonna get shot." Diego said as he placed a picture of Reginald to the... Present Reginald? Circe was sort of confused.

"Well... I suppose you've solved it. You've single-handedly unearthed my nefarious plot. Is that what you want to hear? You fancy yourself a do-gooder? The last good man who will save us from our descent into corruption and conspiracy?" Reginald asked and Y/N watched Diego's face turn from anger to... Loneliness. To sadness. "This is a fantastic delusion. The sad reality is that you're a desperate man, tragically unaware of his own insignificance, desperately clinging to his own ineffectual reasoning. More succinctly, a man in over his head."

Y/N clenched her hand around Five's and her eyes had a slight yellow glow to it. She felt... Angry. She hadn't felt like this since Luther suffocated Vanya and locked her in a room.

"You're w... Wrong." Diego stuttered, tears falling down his eyes as he sat down. Oh god that stutter broke her heart even more... Y/N started to speak before Five shook his head. Despite her better judgment, she held her tongue. If she got too mad, she might actually blow Reginald's head off.

"Look, forget about the president. We have a catastrophic war coming in five days. We need to figure out how to stop it." Five said and Y/N sighed as she saw Diego's tears.

Y/N sucked in a shaky breath as she took a sip from her drink. Too many emotions for one to handle tonight. Maybe she should've just stayed home.

"Men will always be at war with each other." Reginald said.

"No, this isn't just some war. I'm talking about a doomsday. The end of the world." Five said.

"Well... You're the special ones, aren't you? Why don't you band together and do something about it?" Reginald asked.

Suddenly, Klaus started choking and Y/N felt something shift in the room. Like a cool breeze, but something familiar. "I'm..." Klaus gurgled.

"Out with it, boy." Reginald said.

He started gasping, as if he needed air, before saying something Y/N couldn't believe, "Ben!"

Klaus panted harshly before falling to the floor. Five felt Y/N stiffen in his hand as he saw her seem to... Freeze. As if she was deep in thought but her thoughts were going faster than she could calculate. "Well... Thank you for coming. I've seen about enough." Reginald said as he stood up and started to leave, walking over Klaus's unconscious body.

"No, I..." Luther's voice trailed off before he gritted his teeth and slammed onto the table before standing up and ripping his shirt to reveal his ape body. "Look at what you did to me! Look at it!"

"Oh, shit. Why?" Five muttered and Y/N's other hand started to dig into her thigh.

"You in the culottes and you with the short hair. A word, in private?" Reginald said to the two holding hands.

They quickly got up, Y/N pulling her hand away from his as they followed him to the elevator. Five looked at Y/N as he gestured to Reginald and Y/N rolled her eyes. Five raised his eyebrows expectantly and she sighed. 

"You two. Come." Reginald said as the elevator doors opened and they went to the bar. "You two seem to be the sensible of the bunch." Reginald said.

"That's because we're the oldest." Five said and Reginald made a confused face. "Y'know, technically, I'm older than you right now."

"Oh... That's so weird to think about... I don't wanna think about that, Five." Y/N sighed as she took a drink of her martini.

"Cognac?" Reginald asked as Five smiled slightly.

"Just a smidge."

"I think you two get along well." Y/N said, "Maybe you should've just invited him instead of all of us."

"The other night you quoted Homer at me. Why?" Reginald asked.

"You forced us to learn it as kids." Five said, adjusting into his seat.

"In the original Greek." Y/N added.

"This world ends in five days if we don't get out of the timeline."

"Worlds end. Paleozoic, Jurassic, and so on."

"We can do something about this one." Five said determinedly.

"Man's greatest flaw: the illusion of control." Reginald quoted.

"Except we're not all men." Y/N crossed her arms with a slight smile.

"We need your help, all right? You're our last sane option. Otherwise, I- We gotta make a deal that I really don't wanna make." Five said.

"She came back?" Y/N asked and Five nodded with a sigh. "I think she's still flirting with you, Five."

"Yeah, you think?" Five sighed, taking a sip of his drink before turning back to Reginald. "What do you know about time travel?"

"In theory?"

"In practice."

"I know it's akin to descending blindly into the depths of freezing waters and reappearing-" Reginald was interrupted by Y/N.

"As an acorn." She finished, "We've both heard it millions of times. Five more than me but every time he tried, I was there."

"What transpired when you tried traveling before?" Reginald asked.

"I botched it." Five admitted.

"How?"

"I jumped too far forward, got stuck in the future for 45 years in an apocalypse.

Then I jumped too far backwards... Except this time I brought my entire family with me." Five sighed and Y/N nodded.

"Maybe your appetite is disproportionate to the size of your abilities. Start small. Seconds, not decades." Reginald said.

"Seconds?"

"Mhm."

"Look, no offense, but I need a bit more time for what I'm trying to accomplish." Five said, getting a bit more agitated.

"Seconds could be good. The world could end, and you'd find out what causes it by that point. You go back in time for a few seconds, and kill it before the world actually ends." Y/N said and Five sucked in a breath. She was sort of right, wasn't she?

"The young lady is correct. So much can change in a matter of seconds. One could overthrow an empire. One could fall in love." Five risked a glance at Y/N, who smiled, before turning back to Reginald. "An acorn doesn't become an oak overnight."

[jaybirdh]

click for better picture? Definitely click for description.

This thing took me. Six months. Of on and off grinding.

I started early to mid december after I got the Joker action figure from a giant kinder egg (I’d already bought the Jason one, there was no way I’d ever survive drawing them as well 😅🫠), but that is why his coattails may be a little weird, and, you know, they aren’t drawn in.

💜 More under the cut:

CW for video: flashing and eyestrain Anyway, I had this thought, what if Batman only just arrived after seeing the Joker start to fall, and was reminded of Garzonas? So I wrote the words and drew him in, and drew Jason’s mask in.

At first I was like what if he’s on the building with the billboard? But then the lighting was all wrong, (I was shining green light in his *face* after all), so I put it behind, and then I realised, oh this needs a lot more background…that honestly took the most time.

Anyway, I hope I got the lighting and everything right. (Especially for the billboard, my immediate thought was how annoying and LED and bright these things are, and I did that, but then I realised I was hurting myself looking at it all the time so I decided, you know, it’s Gotham, it probably hasn’t been maintained that well heh). I was wondering what to put on the billboard when I remembered those G. Gordon Godfrey shows from the Young Justice TV show so I decided to use that, got a picture from the web and cropped and filtered it.

It ended up a bit louder and busier than I thought it would be, but aside from a little rushing at the end, I’m fairly content with it.

So have a thirty second video!

💜

[revenantghost]

What fics have you been reading recently?

Not as many as I'd like between bookclub and finally having access to the Tristamp dub! I do try to remember (and often forget) to bookmark my favs on AO3, but tonight's lineup has been really fun so let me grab them for you:

kinder, gentler by skittidyne (VW, WIP, been my favorite WIP since Tristamp was airing, can't recommend enough)

Vash goes through another life. He's done it enough to be pretty good at it, these days. They're getting easier, even if "easier" means a string of murders while trying to make friends anew. Not his usual bullet-ridden trouble, but this is meant to be a kinder, gentler life, after all.

Tomaship by museq (gen, one-shot, a fun little read)

A cute little oneshot where horse girl, teenage Vash learns how to ride a thomas with Brad.

two eggs, over easy by AllegedlyAnnie (VW, WIP, first chapter was posted of this not too long ago, I love the author's work, and this is SO GODDAMN FUNNY, I can't wait for more)

I (30M) keep getting into fights with a cook at Waffle House. --- "Uh, hey, 'scuse me?" Nick calls out toward the kitchen. "Sorry?" the cook asks. He comes over, and Nick gets a good look at spiky blonde hair and fathomless blue eyes framed by lashes like clock springs. "Was there something wrong?" And okay. So Nick might have a thing for a tall blonde with a dancer's figure. A man likes what he likes. With an effort he usually reserves for life-and-death scenarios, he forces himself to smile and says, "Is this your first day?" "No? Why do you ask?" "I asked for my eggs over easy." The cook glances at Nick's table, now holding six different eggs cooked three different, incorrect ways, and Nick can see in his eyes the exact moment he decides the next thing he'll say. His brow furrows into a faux quizzical expression. "I don't see the problem," he answers.

Fenrir by eshtaresht (gen but V&W-centric, one-shot, this was a very beautifully worded and created piece, I do love me a bit of whump)

He opens his mouth slowly, making a show of his sharp canines. Just so they’re clear on that. Without a word, Vash puts his arm inside the toothy trap. Pushes it deep, back to the very molars, making him breath through the nose to avoid gagging. Belts taste of gunpowder and sand. His tongue stumbles on a metal buckle, but his teeth feel only the satisfying give of worn leather. And, if he presses deeper, skin. ______________ or, Wolfwood goes a bit too feral and gets telepathically poetry blasted

[goodluckclove]

The Best Scrambled Eggs in the World

Katy made the mistake of telling me that she thinks leeks are superfluous as a vegetable, and so I'm writing this here as concrete evidence of her being wrong and bad on both a factual, ethical, and philosophical level.

Leeks are fantastic. They're like kinder onions. Here's a recipe I make a lot, as it happens to be one of the only things I can do with eggs that doesn't end up terrible.

You'll need:

One bunch leeks

Maybe like two bunches of green onion? I like green onion

Crumbled goat cheese

Bunch of eggs, amount depending on how much scramble you want

Brown sugar

Red wine vinegar

Salt

Pepper

Garlic powder

Onion powder

Butter (For sautéing!)

So what you do first is clean and chop the leeks. You only need the whites of the leeks, not the long leafy parts. I like to cut my trunks (I call them trunks, I think that's funny) into halves so I can slice them better into sort of half-moons. People say you only need the whites of the green onions too, but I use all of them. As I said before, I really like green onion.

So you want to sauté that your leeks and green onions in a pan with some butter. Just an amount of butter. The goal is to get them nice and soft, and while that's happening you should go ahead and salt and pepper them. You should salt and pepper all vegetables as you cook them, just on principle. I go ahead and add some garlic powder and onion powder. You could technically substitute this by adding minced garlic and actual sliced onion, but I tend to stick with what works for me as soon as I figure it out, and it was this.

The thing that makes it special for me is the brown sugar and the red wine vinegar. It sounds crazy, but adding what I feel amounts to making most of a tablespoon of brown sugar (or like three medium pinches) sprinkled over your veggies, as well as a splash of red wine vinegar, adds a really unique depth that I always love.

Once your leeks are sweaty (gross phrasing, but true), you can lower the heat and crack in your eggs. I think six usually makes a good serving for two people if you're particularly hungry or drunk. People are divisive on how they make their scrambled eggs, but I like to crack them in a bowl ahead of time and just pour the whole mixture in for even cooking. That's just what I do.

You don't need to add a fat if you sauteed in enough butter. Mix until cooked to your liking, and then take it fully off the heat and add in as much goat cheese as you want. You could just top it on the plate, but I enjoy mixing a lot in and letting the heat of the eggs melt it.

After that you can just scoop it in a bowl and eat it up. You can also use this as filling with pastry cups or served with croissants. It's super filling and reheats pretty well - but be aware that microwaving it will further cook the eggs.

Enjoy, I guess!

-Edgar

who is this? why is this happening? check out the pinned post on my blog to learn more!

[gobletofmilk]

top ten things at my desk that i fidget with instead of doing my job that i get paid for. despicable me 2 on blu ray for scale

#10 this little guy

he glows in the dark! he's just a little guy

#9 this blown fuse from my car

this thing stopped my headlight from working for a whole year. what a silly little guy!

#8 mini coat hanger

why'd they make this why do i have this how did i get this? it just appeared one day?

#7 lizard from kinder

i got this lizard guy from a kinder egg that my favourite high school teacher gave me like six years ago. it's just a little guy actually

#6 empty chapstick

the bin is too far away (right next to me)

#5 broken keychain

my friend got me this keychain from india and it is great but it broke off but at least i can hold it instead of doing my job

#4 woodstock

woodstock

ok now we are getting to the big three, you have no idea how important these are to me i would die for these

#3 broken pringles lid

i love this thing i like fold it and it makes a little sound, it keeps me going you know

#2 little weights from my brothers gaming mouse

what are these? i don't know exactly how they're supposed to work but i love holding them and jingling them and getting worried about putting them on my phone screen accidentally and breaking the screen or something idk if that is possible but it freaks me out but not enough to not play with them i do it so much

#1 sim ejector tool

love this thing, can't explain it. just lots of fun, hours of fun. i'd buy a new phone just to get one of these that's how much i love it

[edraculation]

i had a meltdown earlier and my mom gave me six kinder eggs to console me so you could say im basically rich

[blazingstarship]

I got six winx kinder suprise eggs😁 wanted to get all figures and wanted Bloom so badly. Got her in the first egg! The second egg I opened was Flora…the two others were Bloom and Flora too and my second last was finally Stella! So I have 2 Blooms, 2 Floras and 1 Stella. Idk what’s in the last egg but Idk if my friend wants to have one egg too so Im saving it for now.

[mikasimaginairyworld]

The Umbrella Academy: Firecracker - Valhalla (15/30)

The Umbrella Academy Masterlist

warnings: substances (alcohol)

word count: 3678

"You know, I'm starting to get the feeling that dad' avoiding us.", Five said as he Lila, Diego and Nailah watched Reginald's car drive away.

"Hate to be the boring one guys, but it's time to get. the hell out of here.", Lila said seeing security slowly show up.

"When you say 'we' who exactly are you referring to?", Five asked with a biting tone.

Nailah shot Five a warning look but he ignored her.

"Not a lot of ambiguity in that sentence.", Lila scoffed.

"Listen, I don't know who you are but where you came from, but whatever it is, I advise you to return posthaste.", Five spat at Lila with a dangerous spark in his eyes.

"She's right, Five. We need to get out of here.", Diego tried to intervene.

"I just saved your life you kinder-shit.", Lila said offended at Five's accusations. "If I hadn't stepped in all that would be left of you is that pretty suit your girlfriend bought you."

Five scoffed: "And that's the problem. You're too good. You ask too many questions. You know too much. And you fight like you know what you're doing."

"Five.", Nailah warned.

"No, no. He's got a point.", Diego agreed.

"So I know how to handle myself, and that makes me the bad guy?", Lila asked offended.

"Whoever you are, you're in my way. If I see you again I will kill you.", Five announced.

Nailah walked away annoyed at Five's carelessness muttering something about God testing her. Five's judging gaze lingered a moment longer on Lila then he followed his sister.

Even though Nailah was short she made huge steps and Five had to jog lightly to catch up to her.

"Why are you mad?", he asked confused.

"Seriously, Five? I told you mere hours ago: control yourself and don't give out too much information. And what do you do? You just revealed your greatest advantage, that you don't trust her."

"So? Now she's out of my way."

"Oh my God, Five. This is literally the most rookie mistake you can make. I really expected more form the apparently best assassin in the whole timeline.", Nailah scoffed. 

Back at Elliott's house where Luther was making a gigantic pan of eggs Diego kept muttering: "No, no, no I don't understand. They keep following me."

"Who?", Luther asked.

"Those Dutch psychopaths."

"They're Swedish you idiot.", Five corrected leaning against the doorframe with his hands in his pockets. "Hired guns paid to eradicate us before we do any more damage to this timeline."

"Great. Why don't you call them and tell them we're here? Sine you like to eradicate any scrape of our advantage.", Nailah commented venomously pouring herself a cup of coffee. Five followed her figure but kept his lips pressed in a fine line. Nailah hummed in satisfaction.

"Yeah, but why now?  I mean I was fine for three, four months before you showed up.", Diego snapped his fingers in frustration while ignoring Nailah's comments.

"Yeah, I was here for a year and no one messed with me.", Luther agreed.

"Same here. Quite like a grave.", Nailah added taking a sip from her coffee.

Five inhaled annoyed: "Even if it was my fault, which it isn't, we only have six days before the end of the world, and the closest we've gotten to dad was that driveway at the consulate."

"Well, that's not entirely true...", Luther admitted. He explained to his siblings how right after he had arrived in Dallas he began saving money and as soon as he had enough he travelled to their family home. He found Reginald hosting parties and with a raging hatred for children. Apparently he insulted Luther and threw him out.

"That's pathetic.", Diego commented at the end of the story.

"Yeah, well at least he didn't shank my ass.", Luther bit back shovelling his scrambled eggs into his mouth. Nailah shuddered at the sight. She hated eggs with passion.

"No, bro. he shanked your heart. That's way worse.", Nailah said taking another sip of her coffee.

"God morning, Nailah. You look... nice.", Elliott said. Nailah threw him a confused smile. "Is that my bathrobe?", Elliott asked from the doorway looking at the garment Luther had put on. "No?", Luther tried.

"Look, who cares what he shanked? He knows something about time travel.", Five said.

"Wait, why don't you just do your thing and time travel us out?", Elliott asked raising his hand. 

"Anyone care to explain?", Five asked pacing around the room.

"First time he tried he got lost in the apocalypse. Second time he ended up as the 13-year old self, which I aged up, without getting any gratitude might I add. And the third time he tried our whole family ended up scattered across 3 years in Dallas.", Nailah explained.

​​​​​​​"Possibly triggering doomsday.", Five added.

"Oh. You aged him up?", Elliott asked.

Nailah shrugged: "Yeah. He's not the only smart one."

"Of course not. That's not what I was implying. I mean I knew you were smart, I just thinks it's impressive for you...", Elliott started to stutter.

Five interrupted him annoyed: ​​​​​​​"She gets it, Elliott."

Nailah shot Five an irritated glare: "I can speak for myself, Five. Thank you Elliott. It's nice to be appreciated.", The last part was again directed at Five accompanied by an expressive look.

"You're missing the big picture. Dad is the ringleader of a sinister cabal that's planning to kill the president.", Diego interrupted before Five could say something back.

"What?", Luther asked in between bites.

"Ignore him.", Five sighed. "Look, the way I see it we only have one option."

"Oh yeah? And what is that?", Luther scoffed.

"It's time to get the umbrella academy back together.", Five announced.

"Family meeting. Yay.", Nailah said dryly picking up an orange from the counter.

"Okay then, can one of you get Allison please?", Luther asked shoving even bigger bites of scrambled eggs from the seemingly never-ending portion.

"You two still a thing?", Diego asked with a knowing smirk.

Luther crooked his head. Diego leaned forward: "Do we need to talk."

"No, she's married.", Luther mumbled.

Nailah choked on her coffee: "What?"

"Whoa, dude. That's rough.", Diego commented.

Luther send him an ironic smile: "I can handle it."

Nailah wiped the coffee off her chin muttering: "How does she get a husband in every single timeline and I can't even get a date?"

Elliott began stammering again but before he could form any word he got interrupted by Five: "Don't even think about it Elliott. I'll go get Allison."

"Can you get Vanya without ehh, squeezing her to death?", Five threw at Luther walking past him while ignoring the sceptical look from Nailah.

"I'll try.", Luther answered dryly and Five blitzed away.

​​​​​​​"What should I do?", Elliott asked clearly hoping for a green signal from the other Hargeeves brothers.

​​​​​​​"Prepare for company.", Diego smiled. "Oh and listen to Five. Nailah's off limits."

Nailah scoffed but smiled lightly. She had missed the protectiveness of her siblings a slightest bit.

"Y'all know, jell-o used to be delicacy. You know, in order to make it you gotta boil down a whole mess of hooves, you know horses, cows, pigs, it doesn't matter. But not everybody just has a mess of hooves laying around. It wasn't until a couple of sassy New Yorkers figured out how to dry it out so the rest of us could have a chance to enjoy this ambrosia.", Elliott explained excitedly pointing at the colourful tray of jello-o in front of them on the table.

Luther had brought Vanya without triggering her powers and she was now sprawled on the couch with a bored expression. 

"if we have some, will you shut up?", Diego asked dryly.

"Maybe. Here. Nailah?", Elliott handed the disgusting looking food to Nailah.

"Thank you, Elliott, but I'm vegan.", she said trying to hide her disgusted face.

Diego scoffed: ​​​​​​​"Since when? I saw you yesterday devour a whole salami."

Nailah looked at him with venom in her eyes: "Since this morning."

"Oh, okay. Sorry.", Elliott said and handed the bowl to Luther who being Luther just accepted and began eating. 

"How you feeling?", Luther asked Vanya.

"Pretty shitty, to be honest."

"Where would you say you are on a scale from one to ending all life on this planet?", Diego asked flicking his knives.

"Really? That's what you chose to go with?", Nailah scoffed.

​​​​​​​"Diego, put the knife away, you idiot. She's fine.", Luther hissed.

​​​​​​​"The last time I saw this one she had me suspended mid-air sucking the life out of me with energy tentacles. I think I'm allowed a little time to process.", Diego pointed the knife at Luther.

Nailah fished it out of Diego's hand as Elliott intercepted: "I would love to see an energy tentacle."

"Shut up, Elliott.", Nailah, Diego and Luther said in a chorus.

​​​​​​​"Look, I don't remember what I did but I'm sorry. If it means anything.", Vanya said silently.

"It does.", Diego smiled at her lightly. "Just going through a lot right now."

"Oh my God.", Nailah mumbled leaning her head on her fist.

​​​​​​​"If you don't care you can just go.", Diego shot her an angry look.

​​​​​​​"Oh, I care. You just chose the perfect moment. But go on.", she bit back.

​​​​​​​"There's this girl that I like.", Diego continued. ​​​​​​​"I though she liked me but it turns out she just.."

Diego got interrupted by a knock on the front door. "Oh thank God.", Luther sighed quickly standing up.

The group stood on the balcony watching Allison and Klaus enter the building after Five. Both were completely drunk and kept mumbling word about death in French.

"Oh wow. I know this is impossible but did we all get sexier?", Klaus lulled taking off his sunglasses.

For a moment the siblings looked at each other. Klaus was maybe right. Diego had grown out his hair, which was a pretty daring change, Luther had finally found clothes that looked good on him, Vanya as well. And Nailah, well she'd always loved fashion and knew how to present herself.

Five's gaze flew over his siblings and with slight satisfaction he had to admit that Klaus indeed was right. His eyes stammered for a longer second on Nailah's wild curls covering her face. The 60s makeup and style suited her even though Five knew she absolutely hated the pants and blouses.

Diego chuckled lightly seeing Klaus and Nailah send Allison an air-kiss just as they had done when they were kids. "Vanya.", Allison sighed.

​​​​​​​"I can't believe I have another sister.", Vanya chuckled walking down the stairs to hug Allison. Nailah followed and after nodding as a response Allison's questioning look, Allison hugged Vanya back.

"Oh you are drunk.", Diego scoffed smelling Klaus' breath.

​​​​​​​"Yeah no, just a little, a few..", Klaus stammered and giggled. "Oh that's so sweet.", he grabbed his heart seeing Allison and Vanya hug. He wrapped his arms around them and waved for Nailah to join. 

"Klaus. Is Ben here?", Five asked. 

​​​​​​​"Oh, no. No, unfortunately ghosts can't time travel.", Klaus stretched his back. Nailah narrowed her eyes and crooked her head not really believing.

"All right then. Let's get down to business."​​​​​​​, Five announced not reacting to Nailah's questioning look. 

​​​​​​​"Alright, first off I wanna say I'm sorry.", Five began as soon as everyone had found a seat in the living room area at Elliott's. ​​​​​​​"I know I really screwed the pooch on this whole going-back-in-time-and-getting-stuck thing. But the real kick in the pants here is we brought the end of the world back with us."

"Oh my God, again?", Klaus explained pouring himself and Nailah a rather full glass of whiskey.

When he saw all the not surprised faces he sighed: "All of you knew? Why am I always the last one to find out about the end of the ... Oh my God! My cult is gonna be so pissed, Five! I told them we had until 2019."

"We have until Monday. Six days.", Five announced unphased. 

"Is it Vanya?", Klaus asked taking a sip.

"Klaus!", Allison exclaimed.

"Well, it is usually Vanya. No offence.", Nailah agreed taking her glass from Klaus.

"None taken.", Vanya smiled at Nailah. "Do you have any leads,  Five?"

"Only one.", Diego handed Five a file with the picture of Reginald Hargreeves on the grassy knoll. 

​​​​​​​"Diego, Nailah and I have been trying to talk to dad about what exactly this means. So far we've got nothing.", Five explained.

"Not nothing.", Diego intercepted to which Nailah groaned. ​​​​​​​"He's planning to kill Kennedy."

"Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. Really not important.", Nailah said in a sing-songy voice and took another great gulp from her glass.

Before Diego could answer Five interfered: ​​​​​​​"We don't know who or what sets doomsday in motion. Could be Kennedy, could be something entirely independent. But if we know something changes the timeline we have to make it right."

​​​​​​​"Yeah but how if we don't know what's broken?", Allison asked.

"Come on. Do the math. We know dad's having some shady-ass meetings with some shady-ass people. We know. he's on the grassy knoll in three days to kill the president. So I think we all. know what we have to do."

"Kill dad." "Find dad.", Diego and Five said at the same time and looked at each other confused. Nailah chuckled and Allison raised her eyebrows.

"None of us are supposed to be here right?", Vanya asked. "I mean what if it's us?  Has anyone here done anything to screw up the timeline?"

Klaus shook his head, Nailah crooked hers with her lips in a fine line, Diego stared at the carpet, Allison poured herself more vodka and Luther raised his eyebrows. Five sighed heavily and rubbed his temples.

​​​​​​​"Diego's been stalking Lee Harvey Oswald.", Luther admitted.

"You're working for Jack Ruby! And Nailah's an assassin!", Diego defended himself.

"Hey! I've never killed anyone important enough to mess with the timeline! You wanted to change the whole history!", Nailah send the accusation back to Diego.

"Allison's been very involved in local politics.", Klaus said.

"Okay, you started a cult.", she shot right back. Klaus growled at her and hissed.

​​​​​​​"I'm just a nanny on a farm. I don't have anything to do with all that.", Vanya said.

"Well, maybe you do we just don't know it yet.", Allison said.

"Yeah, for someone who just ended the world your life seems awfully... quiet.", Nailah added.

Diego whistled sharply making his siblings look in his direction: ​​​​​"Listen to yourselves. Everything in our new life is. connected to Kennedy. That can't be a coincidence. Luther works for Ruby, Allison's protesting against the government, Nailah's an assassin, dad on the grassy knoll, Klaus is... doing something weird and perky but probably related. See clearly we were all send here for one special reason: saving John Fitzgerald Kennedy."

Nailah laughed frantically at that while the rest of the siblings began arguing. Five just stood there with a concentrated look on his face.

"Guys, you all die.", Five admitted silently. ​​​​​​​"I was there, I saw it. And I wanna forget it but I can't. I saw Russian nukes vaporise the world with all of you in it in a war that never happened until we brought it here. And Hazel gave his life to save us, so you may need. to shut up and listen to me. I don't know if the things we've experienced here are all connected. I don't know if there's a reason for everything. But dad will. We need to talk to him before everyone and everything we know is dead."

​​​​​​​"Okay, I'm out.", Luther said and just left the room.

"Did you even hear me, Luther?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I did. I heard a 58-year old man who still wants his daddy to come and fix everything. Well, you can. count me out. It's time we all. grew the hell up."

Diego immediately followed him with Nailah not far behind. "Save it, Diego.", Luther snapped at them.

Five blitzed away and appeared before Luther on the stairs. "No one leaves until we figure this out.", he announced.

 Luther sighed and just threw Five over the railing. Five blitzed away before he could hit the ground. 

"Luther!", Nailah exclaimed sliding on the railing and waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. "What was that?"

"Oh come on. He had it coming."

Nailah shrugged: "Fair enough."

​​​​​​​"Where has all that heroism gone, big guy?", she asked.

"Well, I think I've left it back in 2019.", he answered.

"Come on, Luther. You can't just leave like that. We need you."

"I don't care, Nai."

Nailah let out a sigh. "Don't worry, I'll handle it.", Diego placed a hand on her shoulder and followed Luther.

Before Nailah could return upstairs she spotted Lila running down the street in red doc martens. Not soon after she saw Five follow. Without thinking much Nailah decided to follow them.

Nailah had been following Five who had been following Lila for over an hour. Finally Lila stopped at an old paintshop. She smashed the window of the door with a piece of wood and entered the industry part of the abandoned building. Five was quick to follow and blitzed inside. Nailah quietly opened the door and pressed herself against the wall. She peeked slightly into the corridor to see Five appears before Lila.

"What's your game, crazy lady?", he asked putting his hands in his pockets.

"Who cares? You said if you saw me again you'd kill me.", Lila smiled widely.

​​​​​​​"Oh, I remember.", Five chuckled darkly.

"Well, come on then big talker. Let's get this done."  

Five blitzed away appearing on Lila's other side. He kicked in the direction of her shin but she jumped aiming her leg at his head. Five ducked but she still got his nose. Five grunted in pain and Lila ran away chuckling. Five followed and soon he appeared in front of Lila again. Nailah kept a safe distance to them. She had a perfect view on them from behind the paint barrels while being certain they couldn't see her.

Five kicked, twirled in the air and kicked again towards Lila's face. She skilfully evaded all his attacks.  Five switched his turning direction and planted a kick towards Lila's face. Then he tried to punch her in the stomach, side and head but all attacks were blocked. Lila grabbed his jacket and rammed her knee into Five's stomach. Nailah felt her fingertips pickle. She was going to intervene if she saw Five needed help but she had to keep the advantage of her position as long as possible.

Lila tried again to kick Five in the face and he ducked, slid towards her and tried to make her lose balance. Nailah saw him deliver another series of punched. She grunted annoyed when she saw it was the same as moments ago. Rookie. 

Five kicked Lila in the stomach and she disappeared behind a table. Five followed but she was actually gone. Nailah ruffed her eyebrows. Five's gaze jumped to where she was hiding, clearly sensing her powers sucking in the heat in. from the room. He saw the sparks in her eyes and his corners twitched lightly. Nailah grinned back, her eyes now clearly full of fire. Nearly undetectably Five shook his head signalling for her to stay hidden. Nailah nodded.

"I'm waiting.", Lila chirped from another side of the room. Five twirled around.

He blitzed to the spot where Lila was but the only thing left after her was her laughter. Nailah's hiding spot didn't allow her to see how Lila had managed to do that.

"Fed up yet, Five?", Nailah only heard Lila's very annoying voice.

Five grabbed an old, rusty piped blitzed to the place where Lila had been standing. But he only managed to hit the power outlet letting sparks fly.

Lila appeared behind Five and aimed her leg at his head which he blocked. He ducked down and swooped his leg under hers making Lila fall down with a dull thump. Nailah nodded to herself. A basic, pretty amateur move but effective.

Five walked up to Lila and placed his boot on her throat.

​​​​​​​"You're better than I thought.", Lila wheezed.

"And you are entirely average.", Five scoffed with a smile. Nailah giggled soundlessly from her hiding spot. She liked this side of Five.

"You can come out now.", Five said.

Nailah twitched in her spot but before she could move slow clacking of heels stopped her. It was clear Five hadn't meant her.

A very weird woman with red heels, a long cigarette and an absolutely hideous coat appeared.  

"Well done.", she praised Five. "You figured it out."

"Well, it wasn't very hard.", Five scoffed looking at Lila under his boot. "She fights like every one of you commission drones."

Nailah nearly choked on her own saliva when the realisation hit her. This was The Handler. The one that had made Five kill people at the commission.

"Hmm. No matter. Here we are.", the Handler continued. "Together again. I've gotta ask. Did you miss me, you little shit?"

-> The Umbrella Academy Masterlist

Hello everyone!

Here we are at pretty much the halfway mark for this series. I would really appreciate any feedback/ reblog/ like you can offer. I would be especially interested what you think of Nailah and her dynamic with the siblings as well as if you think her character is well integrated.

Otherwise, thank you for reading and see you next part :)

[study-with-ves]

Okay so starting with the first pictures because I actually took them yesterday, recently I have been sitting in the library cafe and spending around an hour just reading legends and lattes while drinking a latte and honestly I can not reccomend it enough, you do not even have to go to a library cafe just any cafe it is just such an amazing atmosphere, I advise everyone to do it as an act of self care.

And I have two pieces of new, I will start with the good news.

1: I went to the local supermarket yesterday and found a kinder egg easter egg with a miraculous ladybug themed toy inside and because I have no self control, I of course bought it. And I have no regret. None at all. I got the generic Ladybug but I am so happy with it I love it so much and am very temptedd to buy another but knowing my luck I would probably just end up with duplicates.

2: So. I was planning to come into the library at around 08:30 this morning, but my plans were drastically changed when, at 08:00 am, just as i was opening my wardrobe door to get my clothes for the day, I made a harrowing discovery. A chonking-ass-spider. Huge. Not huge huge but spooky and it was in my room and near my clothes. So I went and got the spider glass that I so kindly donated to the kitchen cleaning cupboard so it could be used for any flatmate who found it necessary, and I uncovered the beast (that had taken to hiding underneath my rug) and I imprisoned it in the pint glass labelled 'SPIDER GLASS', and quickly retreated to my bed, shaking. I then messaged pictures of the fiend because I was too scared to move, and I stayed like that for around half an hour, and I even got a video of it pacing around inside of it's prison with stone talus boss battle music playing in the background (take good note of this music, it is what I always play if i am having a hard time defeating an enemy in a game, usually in the witcher, it always helps me beat them). So after eventually gaining the courage to move from where I sat, I made my way to the kitchen, and opened the window as wide as possible, ready for the eviction of the beast (ironically enough, the window in my bedroom has been taped shut because of a humongous spider that resides on the other side of it -a spider that looks suspisciously like this spooky man in the pint glass). By now, I had spent quite a while around this spooky little man, and so I decided to name him Alfred. I decided that if I ever wanted to get to the library, I would have to just get on with it, and go head to head with my fiercest foe yet. So, I turned up the boss music (which had to have been playing on loop for at least twenty minutes by this point) and I began to count down from thirty. As I did so, I took my door wedges and propped open both my and the kitchen door, and with six seconds left, I got my postcard in hand and prepared for battle. I should note that at this point I had begun to feel rather sorry for little Alfred, as after pacing for around ten minutes to begin with, he had just been waving at me through the glass, which while was utterly terrifying for me to witness, I can only imagine meant that he was pleading for escape. I also feel I should mention that, before I started this countdown, I spent a good few minutes discussing with Alfred why it would Be best for him to just co-operate and not make things any harder for either of us, and he seemed to take it well. And so, I shifted the glass and shimmied the postcard under it, Alfred stayed perfectly still, gripping slightly to the glass so he didn't have to shift himself too much as the postcard went under him, and it is a good job he did because with my shaking hands I did almost drop the postcard as I elevated him, which, with an angrier spider, would surely have resulted in a counter attack, perhaps he had developed stockholm syndrome, or perhaps it is because I implied I would press charges against him if for breaking into my room if he didn't fully co-operate. Anyway, he slid his little butt to the bottom of the glass and sat calmly as I walked him to the kitchen window, as I sang a song about our encounter, the lyrics to which I can no longer remember. As I removed the postcard and tipped the glass on its side, the song came to it's finale and he swiftly exited the glass (unlike some sticky, smaller spiders I have encountered who are for some reason insistent on sticking to the glass like it is their new home), and he gracefully plummeted to the grass below, and we parted ways (hopefully forever). It was at this point nine o'clock, and I spent the next forty minutes carefully examining and shaking all of my clothes and belongings before I could actually put them on and safely escape the room that Alfred had somehow managed to break into. I do not plan to return for many many hours, hopefully any other spiders will be gone by then. They should be, because just before I left I T-posed to assert dominance.

I did at last make it to the library, unscathed, and I chose not to include videos or imaged of Alfred so as not to scare anyone, but if anyone would like to see him please do let me know and I will post a picture of him, properly tagged so you can avoid it if necessary.

[bleak-eastern-plains]

1995

My story starts in 1995 in post-communist Romania, six years after the collapse of the Berlin Wall, four years after the collapse of the Soviet Union.

1st of January. Prices skyrocket 20 fold compared to 1994. People can barely afford basic necessities; defaults on credit become common place. The shock is too heavy. People die.

Factories close down, machines break down, the symbols of glory past are sold for scraps.

In 2023, 1 US dollar = 4.45 RON. In 1995; 1 US dollar = 2500 RON; (sevenfold rise since 1992)

One of the last symbols of communist resistance, Corneliu Coposu passes away. 100.000 people attend his funeral.

On June 22nd, Romania officially applied for EU candidacy. It would take another 12 years until Romania would be accepted in the European community. Even then, countries like the UK impose discriminatory treatments on the movement of people. Food for thought regarding Ukraine's ascension to the EU, a country destroyed by war and plagued by political corruption. The European Community was harshly skeptical of the non-soviet countries to begin with, even during times of peace and complete agreement.

Close to year end, I am born.

In the United States Ebay becomes public. The first DVD is released. In Romania, my parents count coins, trying to figure out whether to pay the loan for the TV or not. Prices for baby formula almost drive them to bankruptcy.

My mother takes one year off university to take care of newborn me. We are a one income household. My father is a junior working in the police force, a job he never wanted, but all the factories were being sold for scraps back then. Jobs are scarce. My father is a pragmatic man with a newborn baby.

My mother told me that at first we stayed at her parent's place. She couldn't get along with my grandmother about how to raise me. We moved to my aunt's apartment. I don't remember it well. I have memories of a nice Saint Nicholas' where I received a huge bag of toys from my aunt. It was full of Kinder Surprise chocolate eggs toys. For me it was heaven. I don't remember when this happened, but it would be impossible to have happened the year I was born.

Eventually we move to our own place. We live in an inter-war era bourgeois little house. We have a beautiful garden that my mom tends to. For her it's therapy. For me, it's a fairy tale. The house was split between family members. The room that connects the rest of the house to the bathroom is owned by a spiteful elderly woman. We live in the house for 10 years. She never agrees to lease the room to us. No reason is given. It doesn't matter. Everyone is feral. Freezing winter or scorching summer, we have to walk around the house to reach the bathroom. For me it's normality.

I was lucky somehow. I was the first born granddaughter in a huge family. Everyone had love to give me. Nobody had much, but they gave me everything they had. I was the symbol of the new generation. I didn't have to compete for resources, there were no other cousins. For 10 years, I was the only child. In 2005, my first cousin was born, then another, then another, then another. In total, we are five cousins. I don't have siblings. My parents couldn't afford a second child.

The collapse of the Soviet Union is a shock for the whole communist block. The inflation destroys the lives of those already impovrished. Ceaușescu's decades long crusade to pay all the external debt, although successful, meant the rise of poverty. You couldn't get your hands on enough of anything: food, clothing, light, heat; everything was rationed. Society became ferral; stealing was justified since there was no other way to support yourself and your family. This habit stayed with the people even after 1989. By 1995 people are desensitised to pain, poverty or destruction. Kindness or charity are dead. Baby me is clueless.

These times stay with me to this day. I don't understand my cousins who grew up after Romania became a part of the EU. They say it's not that bad. We live in two different countries. I became a chest preserving the trauma. I am writing to let the people know what happened, why I am the way I am, to explain to the younger generation why we left and discarded the Romanian identity. Maybe this will make space for new emotions in my heart. Maybe this will heal it, and I will forget it. Maybe one day I will not feel guilty for splurging on something I don't need for survival.

[bradshawsbitch]

Hi! I would love to know your answers for Echoes and Granite from the Slytherin ask 🥰

hey, ohh these were so interesting and fun to answer! thank you so much for sending them in!

Echoes - what would you shout if the world had to listen?

If I weren't about to get political and tell people to distribute wealth and make sure that people have food and a roof over their head, or scream about how we sorely need a four day work week or a six hour work day to be able to handle the unpaid work load of keeping a family and a place to live and still find time to actually enjoy our lives - then I'd probably just shout that people need to be kinder, I want people to care more about one another on the collective level more than of themselves as individuals sometimes.

me; says I won't get political - gets political.

Granite - a meal you can make without checking a cookbook?

OHHH listen. listen, I might not be a wonderful cook but I make the best damn pancakes from scratch. I've finally mastered my grandmothers very helpful comments when I ask 'how much of this ingredient?' 'oh just on the feel. you'll feel when it's right' (god, grandmother, no I don't have your magical hands!?) but I did it. I can now feel when I've put enough flour, and milk and eggs to make the batter just right for Swedish pancakes, and I'm damn proud of it too.

I want to learn more of my grandmothers recipe 'on feel' but that's pretty damn hard when I'm so bad at feeling lmao.

ask me fun stuff?

[ghetsis]

Ghetsis canonically had six people crucified as a show of power BUT THAT'S TOO FUCKING METAL FOR THE COUNTRY THAT BANNED KINDER EGGS

[sirsparklepants]

Writing about pregnant transmasc Wade is truly a delight, not least because I get to make jokes like this:

"So, big guy, we have some news," Wade said. He snagged Logan by the beltloop as he walked past with the special hamper in his hands, and Logan obediently stopped and set a hand on Wade's shoulder instead. "In about six months, give or take, we're gonna have a Kinder surprise, and I'm the chocolate egg." He cupped his stomach for emphasis.

[faint-i-wont-be-ignored]

When I was a little kid, my family used to get these little chocolate eggs with little toys inside them; kind of like kinder eggs but not really, because they were much better.

I hadn’t seen them in years and thought they didn’t exist anymore- but I thought I found one today and opened it up, so excited for the toy and the sweet taste of chocolate.

But what the fuck did I see? A lame-ass egg with no toy inside, and disgusting expired milk chocolate. The only taste in my mouth now is disappointment, I am now going to go lie on my floor and cry for six hours /j

[tripstitan]

Can't Be Sure When They'll Hit the Mark

What, you thought I was done with the reference? Strap in and buckle up kiddos and kiddettes and mein kinder, hermosas, hermanos, y hermanes y amigues, all you guys gals and non-binary pals, you dudes, dames, and everything around and in-between.

You're all -Seen-. If you know what I mean. No, seriously, don't think that you're not, that I'm just blowing smoke up your rumpus mcmuffin. My series, AAoMM (An Age of Mysterious Memories, free on Royal Road) is to prove just what I'm saying.

Reggie and a heaping helping of the cast are agendered, or aroaces, or all of the above, or one of the three. Plenty of rainbow fam and queer cuties across our giant umbrella of lgbtqia+ amongst the cast, main and side. But those are just -traits-, not the entire person, persona, or character. You are more than just one of your traits, or even a few traits that seem to dominate your life. That's what this whole journey is about, this thrill ride of acknowledging people all over every spectrum, and acknowledging chronic illness, mental unwellness, mental health coping mechanisms and support networks, and so much more. Reggie's a survivor, in more ways than one. Dealing with panic attacks? It sucks. It really does. Some of Reggie's motivations are trauma-informed, and even they don't acknowledge it. Let's just say that there's a reason that they lean more and more into their role that everyone keeps thrusting on them, "Hero." Reggie's no hero, they'll admit it themselves, hell, they're worried that morally they might just be a villain, or the villain, but heroing's a job somebody's got to do if everyone's going to get a chance at a happy ending. (Not like that, you pervy goobers, those of you that jumped into the gutter. Read more for some cute images at the end.)

We're six thousand pages into an epic tale that is more stream-of-consciousness exploring-the-human-condition through dialogue and mental monologue, than the grand fantasy adventure backdrop it's painted against. It'll probably be about nine thousand pages by this time next year, and maybe the series will reach what I'm hoping will... well, let's just say I hope it continues to provide what it needs to provide for those that need it. Whether it's the escapism of the fantasy, the acknowledgement, the adventure, the camaraderie, the falling in love with the characters, the references and easter eggs and dig-your-teeth-into-the-foreshadowing I've built up as a web that I've plotted for thousands of pages for the analytical amongst us that love to find all the ways I've hinted at things since literally "Day One." (If you're interested in Day One, and the first few confusing days of Reggie's life, check out An Age of Perilous Prologues, yes, my prologue is over one hundred pages, and has a bunch of systems-info, but it also has the formative moments and development of Reggie's main panic trigger traumas. Nothing too content-warning'ish, cutesie wild-animal attack in a wilderness survival drama, it shouldn't be too unexpected for a reader that goes into it.)

There are so many things I want to spoil to you peeps, but I'll just leave you with some Lil and Lucky and the chapter snippet. I've rambled long enough.

Oh, right, the reference. Today's chapter title is "And Roll Out of the Skillet." (Yesterday's chapter was Save Rock if you're not a follower/hadn't seen my previous post.) Yes, there's a lot more than just one of these little portmanteau chapter titles or me addressing either the characters, or my readers, across my over five hundred chapter long series. I'll attach one that's kind of mean, but also funny.

(I'm so evil. But the chapter titles do actually make sense, so I'm not just being a dingus. I am a dingus, but I'm not just being one.)

Have some happy Lucky and happy Lil to balance things out. (Yes, Lucky's a shapeshifter, so he can technically go Bara-pup form, so these aren't entirely inaccurate representations.)

Lil's also a shapechanger, and almost as much of a goober as Lucky... maybe more of one.

[lastoneout]

the canadian kinder stuff is nasty too tho, you want that european stuff

I did go to europe when I was like six but I don't think I got to have a kinder egg....or if I did it was vastly overshadowed by how good belgian waffles are(mindblowingly good like I still perfectly remember the one I had it was THAT good)

but if I ever go I'll be sure to try one