#Similarly awful situations and worse responses

[a-flaming-idiot]

A rough doodle of how I imagine a meeting between my Senti-Mari and @bigfatbreak's amazing Feralnette would go. Two of the most miserable Marinettes in the multiverse.

Feralnette has seen so much shit and is just locked in a look of silent amusement as she is hit with a baseball bat of news. (Since then Feralnette AU is set right after the season 3 finale, I'm not sure Feralnette is even aware that senti-humans are a thing that can happen. I might be wrong on that though). Not even having time to process the massive discolored scar on her counterpart's arm.

Meanwhile, Senti-Mari is realizing she is alone in the multiverse as the only Sentimonster-Marinette. Also, her alternate self is very desaturated and terrifying.

[lakesbian]

here’s a question, do you think Blake’s responses to Rose would be fundamentally different if Rose was a guy? cause like- there’s Absolutely misogyny to it, as is, but I always thought Blake would’ve reacted like a cat being shoved in a bath to anyone trying to “tell him what to do” (quote unquote).

genuinely could not keep reading pact until i blake misogyny posted because he's sooo bad. he's literally worse than brian. like he's out here making brian look like a feminist. the thing that really sucks about Blake Misogyny is like.

brian will espouse misogynistic gender essentialist viewpoints he believes to be The Natural State Of The World, but in the context of his social environment, it's sort of just him beating himself against a brick wall. if it doesn't successfully alter his social environment to his preferences--which it never does--he'll get crotchety about it, but he's really not manipulative or vitriolic about it. it has 0 impact on the behavior of his female teammates, and he ultimately has to live with that. sure, in a different circumstance he might be able to socially steamroll over women, but as-is all he's doing is giving himself a concussion.

blake, on the other hand, is misogynist with plausible deniability. which is how vast portions of misogynistic behavior presents itself! obviously men believe (& frequently outright say) the things brian says, but they also have consistent interactions w/ women they have material power over where they demean, exert control over, and expect the women to cater to them--all while never directly bringing gender up and thus leaving them with enough plausible deniability that someone can go "well, he might respond the same way if she was a man, right?"

the answer to that question doesn't matter--even though it's very plausible that rose would be afforded far more respect if she was a man, it's insidiously impossible to prove it (which is part of the point of the behavior!), and either way proving it is irrelevant to our ability to point out the ways in which blake's interactions with her are already fundamentally misogynist.

as i've already mentioned, he does a lot of expecting her to "compromise" where "compromise" just means "you do what i want and i put up with the agonizing ordeal of knowing that you're not 100% happy about it," and he's also really prone to putting the burden on her to "communicate" while being fundamentally hostile to sentiment which even remotely infringes on his utter control over a situation (& subsequently over both of their survival). not to MENTION how gendered their division of labor is. you know how, 4 example, men are the ones supposed to know how to fix a car/drive (& are subsequently given the power of freedom of independent movement) whereas women are the ones supposed to do, 4 example, the laundry (confers no power, is labor which consistently services the man in the household)? similarly, rose is the one who does consistent domestic labor--i.e reading/researching/memorizing information to support blake with (thus consistently lowering his workload without having influential power over his behavior)--whereas blake holds power over infrequent & power-conferring tasks like deciding what they're buying* or calling all of the shots in a social interaction.

(*while mundane and laborious financial decisions are usually the woman's responsibility, like what to buy for dinner each week, the infrequent & high-stakes circumstance of purchasing survival supplies mean that blake is in fact the one holding power by being responsible for determining what weapons/etc to buy.)

also, to circle back to the topic of blake's expectations regarding "communication" for a second, i think this post is an exceedingly good explanation of exactly how that little dynamic works between them. hint: it's also him being misogynist. (yes, that post is mandatory reading for this post.)

all of these points culminate in this awful little exemplifying example of his behavior here in 2.1:

“Don’t worry about me if you’re not going to worry about yourself,” Rose said.  “You look as tired as I feel, and since you’re the one making the big decisions, like when to go out and-” “Woah,” I said.  “Woah, woah.  You’re talking about this?” “About going out with Laird.” “I thought we weren’t fighting.” I could see her expression change.  Barely restrained frustration, slowly but surely being covered up, hidden behind a mask.  “We’re not.  Nevermind.  I got carried away.  I’ll meet you downstairs in a bit, and then we’ll go?” A big part of me wanted to argue.  To press the issue.  To air grievances and get things on a more even keel.  To convince her that I didn’t want her as a slave or a servant. Except we had more pressing matters.  Better to find a way to show it to her rather than tell her. “Sure,” I said.

he's:

dramatically interpreting rose mentioning that he's been the one to make big decisions thus far as "fighting," manipulatively smothering both her ability to acknowledge their social dynamics + division of labor & her ability to even approach critiquing his decisionmaking--because how can she criticize him, when even mentioning a circumstance that turned out badly, with zero focus on his errors, results in him treating her as if she's being cruel?

again internally focusing on the idea of "communicating" ("airing grievances/getting on a more even keel"), but outright stating that the intended outcome of the "communication" he wants to have is "to convince her that he didn't want her as a slave or a servant"--in other words, he's viewing her feelings as something inaccurate that need to be corrected and brought in line with his viewpoints vs. as possible indicators that he needs to alter his mindset or behavior

sure, he purchases the bike mirrors as part of his attempt to "show it to her," but without self-awareness regarding how he's treating her, it will ultimately just be an attempt to "convince her" vs to genuinely address her concerns. i actually find it hard to believe that she was smiling about the bike mirrors when he was shopping for them--i don't think she would have any reason to read it as a genuine shift in his mindset & intentions. i'd be willing to guess that she had something else going on over there she was smiling about and he coincidentally caught her at the right moment to misinterpret it as being about bike mirrors.

in conclusion: "damages 2.1" more like. Damaging your relationship with rose thorburn by being a bitch idiot misogynist

[outofangband]

Some thoughts on Túrin and Aerin

I wanted to rewrite this post to better explain my points and to offer some more thoughts about the context in the story and for the characters! I originally made this post in June

I’m usually very much sympathetic to Túrin and willing to defend him but his behavior in Dor-lómin is so reckless and almost callous. I know his recent encounter with Glaurung has heavily influenced this, he was shown images of Morwen and Niënor being tortured, that’s obviously going to have a detrimental effect on his decision making and makes him more desperate to get information as soon as possible. But its such an awful scene all around

(CW: mentions of canon abuse)

even before killing Brodda, the ways he tries to get information about Morwen are so uncaring of Aerin’s situation; he marches up in front of her captor and abuser and announces everything that would get her hurt again.

Sador has just told him that Aerin aided Morwen in secret when she could and that Brodda beat her for it. He says she would suffer if she was caught talking to him.

And his response is to go and bring this up in front of Brodda with Aerin sitting there.

Aerin is clearly terrified. "Come," said Brodda, scowling, but Aerin turned pale, ...said Aerin in great fear for Brodda watched her narrowly

I talked about this here and about how palpable her fear is but it’s such an infuriating and heartbreaking scene even BEFORE everything flies off the rails.

At this point Túrin has already endangered her life and there is no way out of it for her.

If he leaves, Aerin will be beaten again or worse. We know from what does happen that if he tries to stop Brodda or attacks him then the Hadorians will face retaliatory violence. Aerin says that this night will be avenged “on all that were here.” As soon as Túrin declared himself publicly like this, there was no way through this plan that would end well for Aerin or for the others and she had tried so hard and suffered so much so her people could have the barest peace.

Even if Aerin had denied everything there, Brodda still would have punished her for it. (I actually talked a bit about my speculation about his thoughts here)

And then he has the nerve to call her faint hearted, because she warns him of the damage he’s caused and because she calls him rash. Túrin has never spent extensive time as a prisoner in the way that she has. He hasn’t experienced this kind of trauma.

He says she was made for a kinder world but she has been fighting and suffering for that world and he is part of the world that has wronged her

It’s also obviously worth noting that Túrin’s treatment of Larnach’s daughter is similarly callous. While he kills her attacker, he also tells her that her father should be more careful with her, some of the most explicit victim blaming in the book. Túrin is very good at killing men who mistreat women but the actual women don’t factor into his actions, at least not as much as they should.

With Aerin it’s so frustrating because she’s been a captive about as long as Húrin has and like Húrin, she has continued to defy her captors at great risk and harm to herself. Túrin has no issue viewing his father's continued defiance in captivity with respect and admiration.

Though I also think it’s worth noting that in neither The Children of Húrin or The Book of Lost Tales is Túrin’s killing of Brodda on Aerin’s behalf

I say this because while Túrin’s actions would still have been reckless and selfish if that had been his motive (not to mention the meta textual elements), I would have had more sympathy for him here. Watching a loved one being abused is in my opinion one of the most anger inducing and helpless feelings there is and it can easily lead someone to reckless behavior that might not be in the victim’s best interest.

But it’s not even that. Túrin certainly knows that Aerin is being abused but apart from saying “(I would beg your pardon) if (Brodda) had done you anything but harm” he does not directly acknowledge this. I don’t think he doesn’t care but he’s completely caught up in his own trauma and views.

Aerin says to him "you cannot mend what you have done". And that just about sums it up

[sleepingdeath-light]

Re: an anonymous hate message I just received

as a forewarning for anyone who might read this, below the cut are some pretty awful statements and foul language directed towards me from this anonymous individual. these accusations are why i’m placing my full response under the cut.

but as a tl;dr — someone says awful and upsetting things, death is rightfully upset.

I’m also assuming that this individual is coming from the ‘toh’ fandom based on their statements — which is incredibly disappointing but oh well.

This is the complete message, which I will be breaking down and responding to point by point — so you can see that I’m not editing it to mince anon’s words.

now let’s get on to the breakdown.

————

INTRODUCTION

I’m sure that I don’t need to tell anyone that this isn’t a good way of introducing your point. Right? If anon is trying to get me on their side or show themselves to be a sympathetic or genuinely concerned person then this is going about it the wrong way entirely. You’re immediately presenting yourself as antagonistic and making yourself not likeable as a speaker.

But don’t worry it gets worse.

————

POINT ONE

They’re not real people, anon, they’re fictional characters. It’s effectively the same as when you take two dolls and make them kiss (as I’m sure most kids did at some point).

I draw the line at rpf or at sexual fiction of characters played by real children/real minors because that’s way too far. For example, smut of the IT (2017?) cast is vile to me in concept and execution.

What you’re talking about is me writing about drawings — lines/pixels with a voice actor — being in sexual situations. Fictional characters can be aged up because they’re, by definition, not real.

And besides you’re definitely in the minority opinion here as the vast majority of requests in my inbox are for hunter. Don’t you think that says something?

————

POINT TWO

Ah yes, non-con. That old beast. Its a dead dove topic and whenever I or another writer in my circle depicts it, it’s done with plenty of explicit warnings about the contents therein.

Again this is fictional content we’re talking about. Dark fiction has always been a thing and will always be a thing.

I’m taking a literature course at uni and we discuss media depicting rape and worse regularly because it’s part of literature. Writing about something doesn’t mean the writer condones that act and you shouldn’t make assumptions of character based on what someone writes.

That’s like critical media analysis 101 — you sound like you’d go after whump writers and call them murder fetishists or something lol. You’re just really not helping your case AT ALL.

Fiction is fiction; repeat until you understand that principle.

————

POINT THREE

Anon has a good point here, actually! Like their phrasing was terrible and accusatory, but if they’d led with this I’d probably be open to discussion. But burying it beneath two accusations and two insults (at minimum) isn’t going to make someone want to actually discuss the error of the system they’re using.

Of course I’m aware that people lie on the internet. I’m not an idiot — we’ve all clicked on the ‘yes I’m 18+’ pop up on dodgy sites before. I’m also aware that most smart minors will lie about their age to begin with because putting anything smaller than ‘18’ in your bio/pinned is basically a bright flashing neon sign shouting that this person is easy prey for a nonce or something along those lines.

Similarly the use of anon is dodgy and the trust system I use with requesters can easily be taken advantage of.

But what you’re incorrect about is that if I have proof of someone telling me that they’re an adult then I will not be at fault for what happens. If a minor lies to get access to an adult space and gets hurt, then that minor is liable for their own hurt — which is unfortunate but inevitable.

I’m not going to force people to give me their government issued I.Ds because I’m not a complete nutter. That would be dangerous for everyone involved and also probably doxxing. Which is, again, a big no-no.

So for as unfortunately dumb as it is, I’m going to be sticking with the honour system for requests for now. If I find a better, safer way then I’ll use that — but as we don’t have that yet, I’ll use what I’ve got available to me.

Thanks for pointing it out though! Like genuinely this is the only good part of this message lol.

————

SEND OFF

You’re already accusing me of being a nonce mate — and over fiction, at that. And to add to it all you didn’t have the gonads to do it off-anon, which is unfortunate but inevitable of this sort of person. And besides you know nothing of my tastes and attractions based on the requests I write.

To be perfectly frank out of all the characters from TOH, I’m only attracted to Belos and Alador. Most of the ‘characters’ that I end up attracted to are played by people much older than me and, also, not cartoons! Like most slashers, the avengers, and hell even Pierce Brosnan in Black Addam lol.

But that’s irrelevant. You shouldn’t come in to random people’s ask boxes accusing them of horrible things and speaking so cruelly. And if you ever do this in the future I’d recommend having the confidence in your statements to do it off anon. Or admit that your opinions are clearly in the minority.

Oh! And as a final note: no this wasn’t ignored and deleted, you got a full response. But you’re right that I don’t care, because you’re spouting complete and utter nonsense.

But oh well, since you want to be deleted so bad, I hope you enjoy your block. Have a wonderful day, anon. I hope you learn to be a better person : )

And to anyone that’s read this far: thank you for your time. I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day /gen. ^^

[not-available-for-comment]

THANK YOU SO MUCH. The attempted rehabilitation of Mrs. Bennet by fandom drives me bananas. My own mother occasionally lacked the awareness to make things easy for me socially but she was NOT a horrible selfish grasping shrew. There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE. The text is clearly and explicitly portraying a bad mother, and showing how her own irresponsible choices make everything worse.

My own mother had a different kind of bad mother herself, so it has always bothered me the degree to which people want to make excuses for mothers specifically, as though bad fathers are the only kind of bad parent that exists. Mothers can also be bad parents and it’s ok and in fact important to acknowledge that. Yeah our parents (even at times our fathers!) have pressures on them that aren’t obvious to us as kids, and I’m extremely aware from personal experience of what those pressures can be. But even people who are making bad parenting decisions for understandable reasons are bad parents. In an IRL situation it is ok to say well clearly you were a bad parent during this period but as an adult I’ve decided to forgive you and continue having a relationship with you and that’s ok too! That’s allowed and is a rough approximation of how I’ve chosen to approach my relationship with my own most difficult parent.

But Mrs. Bennet is fictional. You’re not gonna hurt her feelings by failing to show up for Christmas dinner. She is trapped in amber during the period in her daughters’ lives when she was probably least nurturing and most difficult to deal with, and acknowledging that is honest and hurts no one. A lot of defenses of her boil down to “yeah she was awful but you have to understand that she was worried for her daughters’ future”. To which I have 2 things to say:

Clearly not fucking worried enough, since she chose living vicariously through Lydia and indulging her own tastes over her daughters’s material benefit with incredible consistency.

This argument makes my skin crawl due to how often I see it applied to similarly selfish mothers IRL. We have a wider culture of excusing unhealthy maternal behavior because “her heart’s in the right place”. You know what after a certain point the placement of your goddamn heart doesn’t matter anymore. If you’ve gotta fake good behavior then just do that and leave your hazy grasp of anatomy out of it.

I know this is ranty and less articulate than the posts above, but I think you could argue that this conversation highlights a maybe under appreciated way that Austen is still relevant in the modern era. Yeah there are a lot of differences in culture between her time and ours, and the process of looking for a partner is typically pretty different. But this book also asks the questions “what is a ‘good’ marriage, and what are ‘good’ parents in the context of looking for a spouse?” And provides a really interesting gallery of options in response to both questions. Is Darcy a good ‘parent’ to Georgiana? Who is a better parent to Lydia, Darcy or her own parents? Is Charlotte’s financially advantageous marriage a ‘good’ one? Should her parents have allowed it? What about Mr. and Mrs. Bennett’s? And while Charlotte’s choice is I think probably viewed a lot less sympathetically now than it would’ve been at the time, I’d be fascinated to know how this conversation compares to Mrs. Bennett’s reception at the time of publication. A good marriage looks different now, but good parents? Oh now that conversation is as old as the hills…

For the past several years (and perhaps longer) in the P&P fandom I've seen a lot of people who want to rehabilitate Mrs. Bennet: like, sure, she's uncouth and seems greedy, but it's because she cares so much about her daughters' futures; her situation is actually really stressful and uncertain and she's powerless to change it and her husband makes fun of her, and so it's natural that it would cause her to be anxious all the time; maybe she doesn't have the intelligence or social awareness to understand that her behaviour is actually harming her daughters' prospects, but at least her heart is in the right place.

I'm usually not the type of person who argues that fandom is actually being too nice to a female character, but in this case I don't buy the counter-narrative (which I think is popular enough at this point to be fanon / a narrative in itself) about Mrs. Bennet.

For one thing, she was never really powerless in this situation. These people are rich even for gentry. Mr. Bennet's income was always good, at 2,000 pounds per annum (even though I can't believe he isn't neglecting some practices that could raise it higher). Mrs. Bennet had 4,000 pounds from her parents and a further 1,000 from Mr. Bennet. Invested in the 4 per cents (for example), this is 200 pounds per year in pin money that Mrs. Bennet could spend without touching the principle of her dowry, and without affecting Mr. Bennet's income. This is more than some people's entire yearly incomes.

The picture of Mr. and Mrs. Bennet that we get in P&P is not of people who are helpless against their circumstances, but of people who are extraordinarily neglectful. We're told that:

Mr. Bennet had very often wished, before this period of his life, that, instead of spending his whole income, he had laid by an annual sum, for the better provision of his children, and of his wife, if she survived him. [...] When first Mr. Bennet had married, economy was held to be perfectly useless; for, of course, they were to have a son. This son was to join in cutting off the entail, as soon as he should be of age, and the widow and younger children would by that means be provided for. Five daughters successively entered the world, but yet the son was to come; and Mrs. Bennet, for many years after Lydia’s birth, had been certain that he would. This event had at last been despaired of, but it was then too late to be saving. Mrs. Bennet had no turn for economy; and her husband’s love of independence had alone prevented their exceeding their income.

We also know that the "continual presents in money which passed to [Lydia] through her mother’s hands," plus her allowance and food, amount to about 90 pounds per year. Rather than saving up from the beginning in case the entail is not broken, rather than beginning to save once it's clear a son will not arrive, rather than making Jane's dowry the full 5,000 from her mother (which would be something) and saving up for the younger girls' dowries thereafter—which is what would be typical, and that's why Lady Catherine was so shocked that all the girls were out at once—Mrs. Bennet's housekeeping, dress, the girls' allowance, presents of money over and above their allowance, plus whatever Mr. Bennet is spending money on (and other expenses relating to servants, carriages, maintenance &c. which are unavoidable), add up to their entire income. The only reason why Mrs. Bennet doesn't overspend even that is that that's where Mr. Bennet puts his foot down.

Mrs. Bennet is actively harming her daughters' prospects, not even of marriage, but of living respectably if they don't marry, because she doesn't have the temperance not to spend all of the income that is allotted to her. It is the role of the woman in a marriage to take charge of the housekeeping, servants, cooking, furniture, and all expenses relating thereto (plus certain attentions to her tenants and any living in genteel poverty in the area, though presumably this will depend on her income and whether there's a parish church with a parson's wife who's doing some of these things). She's an adult who should be competent to manage these things in a reasoned way without needing to be dictated to.

It is supposed to be the role of the woman in a marriage to take charge of her daughters' education—and yet Mrs. Bennet did not hire a governess, and Elizabeth says that she didn't spend much time teaching her daughters anything (it's not clear to what degree she's educated herself). Granted, the girls did have masters—but, from the sounds of things, that was only if they requested them. No one was required to learn much of anything, which will probably further harm the marriage prospects of the girls who "chose to be idle."

I think the "point" of Mrs. Bennet is that she is one half of one type of bad marriage which the novel illustrates, in contrast with the Gardiners' marriage. These marriages are two possible models for the Bennet daughters to look to. At one point, Elizabeth's prospective marriage is explicitly compared to her parents', with her in the role of her father: Mr. Bennet says "My child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life" (emphasis original).

We might wonder whether Elizabeth saw herself potentially in the role of her father, in a marriage that was very intellectually unequal, when she rejected Mr. Collins; or whether she also saw herself in the role of her mother, married to a man who insults and doesn't respect her, when she rejected Mr. Darcy. Ultimately, she accepts Mr. Darcy after she realises that he is nothing like her father; that he is diligent in attending to his responsibilities, and that he does evidently respect her mind.

This isn't me defending Mr. Bennet, who is also a bad parent and a bad spouse. I do, however, find it a little disturbing when people suggest that Mr. Bennet is at fault for not controlling or curtailing his wife. His wife is a grown woman. Surely we don't actually believe that a situation where a man is legally in complete control over his wife, merely because he is a man and she is a woman, is in any way natural, moral, or just? (This also goes for people who suggest that Mr. Bingley needs to get his sister 'in line' 😬😬😬.)

Mrs. Bennet should be competent to manage her household and her daughters. Given that she's not, yes, Mr. Bennet, according to Georgian and Victorian ideas of the role of a man in a marriage, "should" have stepped in and started dictating to her. But I don't really think that's what Austen is suggesting went wrong here. The models of good marriages we have—the Gardiners, the Bingleys and Darcys after their weddings—are all ones in which the women were basically sensible people to begin with. In the latter two cases, we are told of particular ways in which the men stand to benefit from some mental quality of their future spouse (Elizabeth's good humour and ease in company; Jane's steadiness and determination).

The ideal which some Georgians had of a husband's role being to shape his wife's intellect doesn't seem to be what's being advocated here. If Mr. Bennet made a mistake, it was in marrying a silly, selfish, ill-tempered woman to begin with, not in failing to browbeat her into submission once he found out that she was silly, selfish, and ill-tempered. The idea is that you should choose your spouse carefully. But that message doesn't work if Mrs. Bennet is just a woman in a difficult situation who has her heart in the right place.

[femmefaggot]

what a disgusting and immature response. do you actually have concrete evidence of him being contacted by your stalker? do you have concrete evidence that that was the reason he blocked you? you don’t, but you keep alluding to that being the situation even though you admitted that you don’t actually know if it was because of your stalker. then you were threatening to send him a vile message that got sent to you and threatening to @ him and harass him over why he blocked you. you keep posting about how you sent money to him as if you’re trying to paint him as some manipulative thief who ran off with your money. you put your own personal drama with him on blast and told people to block him (which lessens the amount of exposure he would get if he needed donations again; great job, you’re making it harder for a black person to raise money for necessities/emergencies while your white ass is financially comfortable enough to send money to other people). people do not owe you anything. you are not owed an explanation for why you got blocked. you already said the money isn’t that big of a deal. move the fuck on and stop threatening to harass, twist people’s perception of, and try to socially isolate and endanger a black user because you’re mad you got blocked. you could not possibly be this stupid and ignorant.

can you break your responses up next time if you want me to actually respond. genuinely. cant read this chunk. if I ignore shit its bc we are blurred. but okay god. since you want to keep at it too

long post incoming bc you wanted to send so much in one ask and clearly want to be absolved

but I need you to give concrete evidence that ive been a bigot

we know what our stalker sounds like. you don't have to believe me but I know that he's been contacted by them and baselessly believed accusations of us being racist*

*which again. if they aren't baseless I really want to know.

but believing something an anon sends you without proof on this website seems so weird atp.

i didn't threaten anything. you misread my posts. let me be clearer

he is being messaged by someone who has sent us the**

(in our words, but to quote you too to make it perfectly transparent bc you seem to have trouble reading, as do we. no judgement)

**"vile messages", the post was made to say that we could show how awful this stalker has been to us. the fact that he is listening to them is worrying

(not for us. I don't believe this person could do worse than they have. i am genuinely so genuinely worried about nao. and I am not a sincere person but I mean this. please dm me if you need.

worried that if they become friends and he somehow does something "wrong" theyll behave similarly toward him)

is the money a big deal? no. not to us personally. luckily.

how many times do i have to say that I dont think he's evil. im not blaming him for intentionally doing anything.

but that on principle abandoning someone w no word in general but esp w these circumstances is. odd? uncalled for. etc

we are in a very uniquely fortunate position to be able to donate to people. and have the urge to show affection through purchases.

and he was a part of that!

will not deny that 95% of the money given was offered, and even then the other 5% was likely going to be given anyway.

the only thing he ever sort of asked for was a game, and we were considering buying that for him anyway

i need to reiterate the actual money isn't the point at all, but it is the principle of us doing that and getting dropped with zero communication

but is it rude at best that after genuinely giving someone that, with no expectations, we were not given a chance to talk before he decided to make assumptions (during a heavily blurry and hectic time) about us

(I've said before and I'll say again, because you're conveniently ignoring it

if he needed I would give him more money. the fact that he's been a dick to me doesnt negate his humanity or need to live.

you need to absorb that. he could come to me now asking for money and id give it. so could anyone.)

him being black does not negate the fact that hes being shitty to us, but again use your own judgement and dm if you want

heres his cshapp, this is genuine. hes still human and can use dns, but until i get paid esp i cant justify spending more money

again, if he ever needs I'll send more money. and I'm not in the business of making this a callout, honestly this ask is 10x longer than I wanted but you def want the attention

anyway yeah heres his c$ w the proof of money we (voluntarily again, just sucks to be blocked after this) sent to him

but fr if he makes a dn post dnt let this stop you

and if ur reading this n ever need money or ever wanna fact check the racism allegations we will be here. nothing to hide

despite the vitriol of this post fr if he makes a dn post do contribute and again always send me ur dn posts

not in the business of letting personal shit get in the way of mutual aid

again c$ is $moonvampyre he deserves to live as a person no matter whats going on

I mean this genuinely not as a taunt or a gotcha.

nobody deserves to suffer bc of decisions or lack of able to make decisions or personality or anything.

justice and housing and livable wage for all god fucking bless

[itsclydebitches]

Honest question. Why is cancel culture bad? Like I'm seeing people defend Dave Chapelle or just not care about the shitty things he said. As a transwomen he can fuck right off. Why do we tolerate comedians or anyone famous saying shitty things? Like you have influence over tons of people. If you're going to use that power to say ignorant harmful stuff then step the fuck aside until you can be a better influence. Famous people need to be better because they have mass influence.

Hey, anon!

So this is a pretty complicated topic and I’m going to attempt to explain my own viewpoint with the understanding that it… might not be the most coherent post I’ve ever written lol. Basically though, I think the main takeaway here is that “cancel culture” is not the same thing as “criticizing someone for saying horrible things.” It’s not the same thing as a boycott. It’s not the same thing as activism. Cancel culture is a very particular, mob mentality response that ultimately just makes everything worse and it’s this response that people are pointing to when they say, “cancel culture is bad.” So, what are the problems with cancel culture?

First, it doesn’t allow for any gray areas. Admittedly, that may not seem like much of a problem when we’re talking about something as awful as a celebrity being transphobic. (And for the record, I’m not on the up-and-up about everything Chapelle has said lately, so all these examples are generalized, not geared towards his situation.) It’s easy to go, “How can you think there’s any gray area when it comes to racism/sexism/homophobia/transphobia/etc.?” but the point here is that cancel culture doesn’t discriminate between the legitimately heinous rhetoric that a long-standing celebrity has been spouting for years, and the ignorant comment made by the up-and-coming influencer they legitimately didn’t know was a problem. Or the patterns of behavior someone now knows is wrong, but needs time to unlearn. Or the moment when they were at their lowest, made a mistake, and now that is forever immortalized via social media, brought up again and again as a way to perpetually shame them. Under cancel culture, every act is equalized as The Worst Thing Ever even though, in reality, most situations are not equal. The transphobe deliberately trying to influence their massive audience is not the same thing as an older celebrity not knowing the latest terminology and mistakenly insulting a group. But through cancel culture, each individual’s tweets will be screenshotted, passed around, and used as evidence for how horrible they are—with those trying to provide the context of the latter example ("It really was an innocent mistake in this case") are easily drowned out by the crowd.

Similarly, cancel culture doesn’t allow for any change. It’s right there in the name: you’re cancelled. It’s a final thing. Once you’ve done the Bad Thing, that’s it, you’re done. It doesn’t allow for education, improvement, apologies, or absolution, even though most people will say that’s precisely what they’re looking for. To provide a small example, recently in the RWBY fandom an artist made a modern, real life AU where the webseries’ characters were reimagined as actors. She ended up leaving out one character’s prosthetic arm, referring to it as a “prop” in this AU. Getting a great deal of backlash for that, she apologized, explained her ignorance, and took action by fixing the art. She did everything she should have, yeah? Personally, I was thrilled to see someone listening, apologizing, and taking action to demonstrate the importance of what they've now learned. That's great! Exactly the sort of improvement we want to see in the world. Except twitter was filled with people saying that she hadn't apologized enough, that they can’t trust her now, that she’s only saying this to avoid the bad PR, etc. Cancel culture breeds the idea that change isn’t possible, even while we paradoxically call for it, which means that, under this mentality, we’ll never see improvement. People aren’t allowed to come back from being cancelled, which not only continues to alienate those who are working to be better, but likewise “justifies” those who aren’t. “See, they don’t really care about you,” the bigot says, pointing to how it’s impossible to come back from making a mistake (which, being human, is inevitable). “Why bother? You did everything they told you to and it still wasn’t enough, so just.... continue being an asshole.”

And to clarify that, this doesn’t mean that those hurt from this behavior, as individuals, need to forgive the celebrity in question. Once someone acts in that way—deliberately or not—each person is, of course, allowed to continue not liking them, not engaging with their products, being personally wary of their interests. Rather, I’m talking about the collective behavior of continually insisting to others that change is not possible, or not to be trusted. There’s a big difference between someone going, “Yeah, I’m glad they’ve educated themselves, but I personally can’t enjoy their content after everything they’ve said” and someone making posts reminding the community at large that this person did a Bad Thing and you should all refrain from engaging with them, no matter how long ago that was, what’s happened since then, the context of the situation, the fact that they apologized, whatever.

Which brings me to the fact that cancel culture, ultimately, becomes a way to punish peers, not the celebrity in question. “If you're going to use that power to say ignorant harmful stuff then step the fuck aside until you can be a better influence” is fantastic advice, but the sad reality is that most celebrities are not going to take it. That reality (hard as it is to hear) is that we have very little, practical influence on people who have achieved that level of fame, wealth, and notoriety. Yes, we can boycott their content, try to shame them into changing, warn others about what they’re done… but there's only so much we can truly accomplish through those means, especially when it comes to celebrities immersed in our culture. JKR remains an easy example. We’d like to believe that sending her a heartfelt tweet about the harm she's caused will be the catalyst that makes her realize how horrific her views are, but the reality is she’s a millionaire entrenched in global culture and we’re strangers she can block with a single click. It’s hard as hell to educate the people in your everyday life who have some incentive (like loving you) to unlearn that level of bias—many, many queer people will know this struggle—now imagine trying to do that work over social media to someone who only knows we exist as an abstract concept. "The fans." The result of all this is that those fans, frustrated and feeling powerless, turn to policing their own community instead. If they can’t have an impact on the celebrity themselves, if JKR won't change, they’ll try to impact the people closer to them—and remember, what they’re trying to accomplish is coming from that black and white, “I’m right and you’re wrong” viewpoint. The idea isn't to provide the community with a nuanced look into how JKR fell into these beliefs and how others can avoid the same trap (people are not born transphobic, they learn that shit), it's about telling the community that she was always Evil, we're Not Evil, except if you do anything we don't like you will be deemed Evil very, very quickly. That’s how we end up with fans tearing into one another for daring to still engage with this content, still finding any joy in it, forgiving a celebrity when someone else hasn't been able to yet… everything but criticizing the celebrity themselves anymore. In the last couple of years, I’ve seen more think pieces about how other fans are the devil for still enjoying parts of Harry Potter than I’ve seen pieces about JKR’s own transphobia. Cancel culture warps blame, simply by virtue of everyone wanting to (understandably) change a not easily changed situation. Cancel culture is far more likely to punish the trans person for watching the Harry Potter movies on their down time than it is to punish the actual transphobe. And, as already established, punishment here is both ineffective and, at a certain point, unnecessary. Obviously, I’m no longer speaking about JKR whose beliefs are deep and her harm incredibly wide-reaching. I’m talking about the celebrity who said something questionable in an interview once, has made major strides since then, but every couple months something brings the clip back to remind everyone, “You’re not allowed to like them and if you do like them (or something they produced, something they were in, something they made long before any of this came out, etc.) I’ll put all my attention towards making you pay for that.”

Now, take all this and add it to the fact that cancel culture is never really about explaining to someone why their views are harmful in the hope that you will improve the world a little bit. It’s about suicide baiting. Doxing. Threatening their friends and family. Saying such horrific things that everyone else reading it learns, “Okay, so when someone does something I think is wrong I can just tell them to go get gang raped. That’s a completely acceptable response to any situation and in no way reflects my own bigoted views.” If cancel culture actually meant educating someone, systematically boycotting works to show associated creators such views won't be tolerated, leaning into various forms of activism to combat that hate, or even just saying, “I will not support them so long as they forward this rhetoric” on a large scale… we wouldn’t be having this conversation. The point is that cancel culture isn’t any of those things. It’s a black and white mob mentality that feeds into the worst parts of online culture and the result is almost never what people hope will occur (getting the celebrity to stop), but instead just harms a lot of innocents caught up in the mess. To say nothing of the mental health of the person participating in cancel culture to begin with. It’s overwhelming to be confronted with thousands of voices denouncing a single individual, detailing their every fault, laying out all the new (ever changing, contradictory) rules for how everyone else can appropriately talk about them. Cancel culture isn’t just about how the celebrity is acting inappropriately, it’s arguably more about how everyone else is acting too. The moment you join in, your own blog, feed, life is under scrutiny to ensure you’re “correctly” responding to the situation. The moment you slip up and say something the mob doesn’t like, you’re the one being cancelled.

Cancel culture is bullying at its most extreme, it’s never confined to its original target, it thrives on black and white thinking, accepting accusations without doing your own research, and it doesn’t achieve any of the things people hope it will. It is, ultimately, about dominating and feeling superior, not educating and protecting vulnerable minorities. By all means, still boycott celebrities who you believe have done wrong, or write posts explaining the harm you see in their behavior, but cancel culture is a very particular, wide-spread phenomenon wherein the type and extent of public shaming does far more harm than good. People need to be held accountable for their actions, absolutely, but that’s not a good way to go about it.

[todomitoukei]

Japanese vs. English Dabi A 293 Comparison

Chapter 293 gave us another great speech by Dabi, filled with all kinds of information. Similar to my post for the previous chapter, the official translation for chapter 293 has, unfortunately, once again made some changes in regards to Dabi’s speech due to its bias that I would like to share and explain here to give a better understanding of Dabi’s actual character rather than just leaving it at his American version.

Because Dabi said so much in this chapter and we will be comparing the panels from the Japanese version and the official English translation and taking apart the Japanese phrases, the rest of the post is under the cut (this post may or may not be just below 6k words)

The interaction begins with a short exchange between Dabi and Shouto as the former is hugging his younger brother mid-air while the others are still on the ground trying to take down Machia. In the official translation, Dabi begins by pointing this situation out to Shouto.

The two panels aren’t too different from the Japanese version, but this is another case of lost nuance. So here’s the original for comparison:

The speech bubbles read:

「向こうは楽しそうだなァ」

「可哀想になァ」

「おまえはこんなに辛いのに」

Breaking down the first line we get

「向こう ; mukou」-> other side; other party

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「楽しそう ; tanoshisou 」-> looks fun

「だ ; da 」-> casual form of です (desu); be; is

「なァ ; naa 」-> sentence ending particle; expresses emotion/sentiment

= “The others seem to have fun, huh?”

Then we have the second line:

「可哀想に ; kawaisou ni 」-> pitiable; poor (interjection)

「なァ ; naa 」-> sentence ending particle; expresses emotion/sentiment

= “Poor thing, huh?”

And the third line:

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle

「こんなに ; konnani 」-> so; like this

「辛い ; tsurai 」-> bitter; painful; heart-breaking

「のに ; noni」-> even though

= “Even though it’s so painful for you.”

Someone made a post a few days ago where they made an interesting note about this part, specifically that last line, that I think is worth mentioning here: this situation is Dabi comparing his own past to Shouto’s present. Touya was in pain for so long until he burned to death because no one helped him (and by that I mean an adult that could’ve actually helped him and not his younger siblings). Similarly, Shouto has been in pain for so long and now that it’s especially obvious to those around him as he is in the process of being burned, no one is helping him and instead, they continue fighting each other. And while Dabi doesn’t know the extent of this, it’s true that Shouto has been vocal about his family’s circumstances and yet no one’s ever done anything about it. So while Dabi at this moment is primarily referring to the fact that in this very instant no one is immediately by Shouto’s side to save him, it’s also unintentionally pointing out how no one in charge ever looked at the teenager with a huge scar on his face who openly hates his father so much and thought to maybe at least ask him about it.

You can argue that that is interpreting too much because “Dabi doesn’t care about him” - but I think that Dabi not knowing enough about Shouto and seeing him as nothing but “Endeavor’s doll” and Dabi recognizing that Shouto is in a similarly bad situation as Dabi are two statements that can coexist, especially since he is right in saying that right there no one is helping Shouto. And, again, based on his broadcast and how much his speech has changed to be more polite and humble in contrast to his usual direct, rough ways, it’s important to recognize that Dabi has an understanding of people (and how to get to them).

So while his mind might be too focused on his hatred for Endeavor, there might also still be that ability to acknowledge that those around him are hurting, too. This is an important problem within the fandom (and outside of it) as far as vocabulary goes - a lot of people throw around the word empathy and how awful it is when someone lacks it. But empathy is the ability to feel someone else’s emotions. And you don’t need to actually feel what they are feeling in order to recognize their emotions, which is far more important. This understanding of someone else’s emotions is sympathy. Compassion, on the other hand, is not just understanding someone’s emotions, but also trying to alleviate someone’s negative emotions. So even if Dabi doesn’t care about people, he can still recognize when someone is in pain.

After this, we get Shouto’s only line of that chapter, and as much as I wished he was given more lines, this one’s so good, it’s okay there isn’t more:

Above you can see the English translation having Shouto say “But... you’re... burning up... too!”

For comparison, here is this same part in Japanese:

Starting with Shouto’s line, we got「てめェ。。。こそ。。。体が。。。焦げて。。。！」

This line already broke itself apart! How nice.

「てめェ ; temee 」-> you

「こそ ; koso 」-> for sure; emphasizes preceding word

「体 ; karada 」-> body

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「焦げて ; kogete 」-> to burn; to get burned (the dictionary form of this is 「焦げる」(kongeru), the te-form is used here to leave the sentence trailing)

= “YOUR body... for sure… will… get burned…!”

The reason I’m saying this line is so important is the emphasis on the “you” part through the usage of koso. The general content of the sentence already tells us this, but that emphasizing nuance doesn’t exist in English (unless you bold, italicize, and underline it). The line is important because we’re shown someone who is in the process of being burned alive, and yet his worry is on the person trying to kill him rather than anything else. He isn’t trying to argue with him, isn’t trying to protect himself - he’s simply saying: this is hurting you. It’s interesting because in the eyes of those around him, Shouto is the one hurting the most. But to him, it’s Touya who is hurting the most. To him, this isn’t the hero-to-be Shouto being fought by the villain Dabi. This is big bro Touya hurting himself for the sake of getting at their awful dad. And little bro Shouto is only thinking about his big bro.

Now for Dabi’s response, we get the line that particularly stuck out to me as far as the English translation goes: “Seriously, it’s great that you were raised with love.” What? If you read the fan translation, you might remember this line as “You’ve grown up to be so considerate - I’m happy for you little bro” - so which one is more correct? If you guessed the fan translation then, unfortunately, you are correct! 

The Japanese line reads 「優しく育って嬉しいよ」

「優しく ; yasashiku 」-> ; tender; gentle; kind (adverbial form of「優しい」(yasashii))

「育って ; sodatte 」-> to be raised; to grow up; (te-form of「育つ」to indicate reason & means (this part results in the second part of the sentence))

「嬉しい ; ureshii 」-> happy; glad

「よ ; yo 」-> sentence ending particle; shows emphasis

= “I am glad because you grew up kindly”

First of all, an adverb is nothing other than an adjective that is directly affecting/describing the verb it precedes. So to understand that in reference to this sentence, you can ask the question “how was he raised?” - with the response being “kindly.” If you wanted to say “raised with kindness” on the other hand, you would have to turn the adjective into a noun. That part of the phrase would then be 「優しさで育って」As you can see, that’s not what it says in the original version.

More importantly, the word “love” is not part of this, so I don’t know why that word is used here. It really gives off a wrong understanding of what is actually being said here. The official translation makes it sound like Dabi is saying “I’m glad you were raised with love, while I wasn’t” sort of like a complaint?

We still don’t know exactly what Touya’s upbringing was like, but we do know that things gradually got worse over time, so with the assumption that he was raised in a more positive (not good, just better in comparison) environment than Shouto, the English statement then doesn’t make sense since he was “loved” too for a long time.

Besides, he is saying that in direct response to Shouto displaying his worry for Dabi, which says nothing about how he was raised but everything about what kind of person he is (a kind one).

Furthermore, it leaves out the part where Dabi says he’s happy about this. Instead, he just says “it’s great” - which is more something used when you can acknowledge a situation being good for someone else, even though you don’t have any particular feeling about it. It’s very objective, yet in the original, he is stating his emotions with this.

The official translation, in my opinion, just ends up turning the two against each other (more specifically turning Dabi against Shouto), when in reality, Dabi is happy that Shouto shows compassion for him here, despite Dabi currently trying to kill him. In other words, he is surprised by Shouto’s concern for him and happy to be proven wrong about him.

Next, we got「俺は大丈夫今とても幸せだから。」

「俺 ; ore 」-> I

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「大丈夫 ; daijoubu 」-> alright

「今 ; ima 」-> now

「とても ; totemo 」-> very

「幸せ ; shiawase 」-> happy

「だから ; dakara 」-> because (indicates a reason for something)

= “I’m alright, I’m really happy now, so...”

There are two things to note here in relation to the previous phrase. First of all, notice how both phrases include the word happy. In the first phrase, the Japanese word is ureshii, whereas in this phrase it’s shiawase. Once again, this is a question of nuance.

Ureshii is more of an immediate feeling that you feel in that exact moment. It’s a feeling that isn’t going to last forever (for example the joy you feel when you receive a gift).

Shiawase, on the other hand, is a long-term happiness.

The way to interpret why he is using both these terms is that he uses ureshii as his reaction to Shouto showing that he cares. He most likely didn’t anticipate for Shouto to say something like that, so signaling his concern for Dabi made the latter feel joy in that very moment.

So what about the happiness he talks about in the second phrase, how is it different from the first one? Clearly, Dabi is not exactly someone you would describe as happy when looking at the overall picture. I think one possible explanation as to what the shiawase here refers to is that Dabi has accepted his situation. While it wouldn’t be accurate to describe his state as one of having moved on from the past - clearly - at the very least, through admitting to his past and having distanced himself from that dark place, he has been able to now be in a better situation, where he is allowed to just live rather than trying to prove himself to someone day after day.

The second thing to note is that you might be wondering why I ended the sentence with “...” when the official translation is “I’m fine, because I’m really happy right now.”

Well, it’s kind of an odd sentence, isn’t it? The sentence as it is right there is just giving us a reason. But a reason for what? In Japanese, it’s okay to omit the main clause (the phrase that would follow after this to explain what you just gave a reason for) when it’s obvious what you’re talking about.

This confused me for a little bit until I thought about what sentence came before this one. Right before this Dabi says “I’m glad you were raised kindly.” The sentence we’re looking at right now is an extension of that. And what came before that sentence?

Shouto saying: “Your body will burn too.”

See what I’m getting at?

As explained before, Shouto is essentially telling Dabi “I know you want to kill me, but this is going to kill you.” Now if you add Dabi’s two phrases to that, you get his response as “I’m glad that you’re so considerate. That makes me really happy, so it’s alright if I die.”

Many people have pointed out before that Dabi doesn’t care about whether or not he will make it out alive and this is essentially him confirming just that. His only goal is to ruin Endeavor and knowing he is doing that is enough for him to accept death.

He then continues to explain that joy of his with the next sentence:「見ろよあの顔」

「見ろ」-> look (volitional form)

「よ」-> adds extra emphasis after volitional form

「あの」-> that

「顔」-> face

= “LOOK at that face!”

With his goal being all about destroying Endeavor, seeing this man look so defeated right there is the first proof for Dabi that his plan has worked out. While he doesn’t know yet what the actual consequences for Endeavor are going to be after this, he certainly has damaged him.

The next line reads:「最高傑作のお人形が失敗作の火力に負けて死にそうだってのに。。。！」

「最高傑作 ; saikoukessaku 」-> masterpiece

「の ; no 」-> hierarchy particle (the word before is the general noun, the word after the specific noun)

「お人形 ; oningyou 」-> doll

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「失敗作 ; shippaisaku 」-> failed creative work

「の ; no 」-> particle to indicate possession, works like an apostrophe

「火力 ; karyoku 」-> firepower

「に ; ni 」-> indirect object marker

「負けて ; makete 」-> being defeated (te-form because another verb follows)

「死に ; shini 」-> going to die

「そうだって ; soudatte 」-> I’m saying it’s so

「のに ; noni 」-> shows disappointment (“If only that weren’t the case”)

= “I say it’s a shame that the masterpiece doll is about to be defeated and die by the firepower of the failed creative work.”

A lot of people take issue with Dabi yet again referring to Shouto as a “doll” here. Obviously, that isn’t a nice thing to say, but please keep in mind that Dabi doesn’t really know Shouto and with that also doesn’t know how Shouto feels about Endeavor. All Dabi sees is Shouto being a hero-to-be, just like Endeavor has planned. Keep in mind that Dabi used to be in Shouto’s shoes, which makes looking at Shouto be like looking in a mirror and seeing young Touya trying so hard to be what his father expects of him, yet failing over and over again. They were both born for that selfish purpose. They were never born to be people, but only born to be what their father needs them to be. And now that Dabi has broken free from that role, it’s natural for him to describe Shouto’s position as such to emphasize it in case the others haven’t understood that this is the reason for their existence and them being right there in that exact moment.

The final part says「グプっ。。。なァ見ろって！壊れちまってるよ！！ははは！！」

「グプっ ; gupuu 」-> special effects sound (I will explain this one in a second)

「なァ ; naa 」-> when placed at the start of a sentence it’s an attention seeker, kind of like a “hey!”

「見ろ ; miro」-> look (volitional)

「って ; tte 」-> to say (in casual conversation this can be used to repeat what one has just said to stress one’s own quote; can show frustration)

「壊れちまってる ; kowarechimatteru」-> be broken (unintentionally; regretfully)

「よ ; yo 」-> sentence ending particle to show emphasis

「ははは ; hahaha 」-> laughing sound

= “Hey, I said LOOK! He is completely broken, hahaha!”

As mentioned in the translation comparison for the last chapter, the chimatteru indicates that the verb it attaches to has happened unintentionally or has yielded regrettable results. We know that it is Dabi’s intention to hurt Endeavor - so him being broken is neither unintentional nor is it regrettable to Dabi. 

So in this case it’s not so much about how Dabi feels. Instead, it’s probably more fitting to say that it’s about Endeavor. This situation has broken Endeavor (which is regretful), even though it had never occurred to him that the past could come back to haunt him (he has not intended for this to happen).

[edit because someone pointed out that (as mentioned for the 292 comparison) chimatteru can also be used to indicate something has been done completely, so in this case he is saying Endeavor is completely broken]

Now for the part that I neglected before: the special effects sound gupuu. The reason I have been holding off an explanation is simply that it’s not necessarily that important for the sentence, however, when I looked this up this was the result:

Yes, you’re reading that correctly: *slurp*

I had a good laugh about that. The holy trinity of the slurping brothers is complete (albeit Dabi doesn’t have the noodles to go with it)

Anyway, back to the serious stuff!

Next, we get this big panel of Dabi with the three speech bubbles. Notice that there are several ha to indicate that he is laughing.

The speech bubbles all put together read:「焦凍！！俺の炎でおまえが焼けたらお父さんはどんな顔を見せてくれるかなァ！？」

「焦凍 ; shouto 」-> Shouto

「俺 ; ore 」-> I

「の ; no 」-> particle to indicate possession, works like an apostrophe

「炎 ; honoo 」-> flames

「で ; de 」-> by

「おまえ ; omae 」-> you

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「焼け ; yake 」-> to burn

「たら ; tara 」-> when (focuses on the results that can come from this first part)

「お父さん ; otousan 」-> dad

「は ; wa 」-> object marker particle

「どんな ; donna 」-> what kind of

「顔 ; kao 」-> face

「を ; wo 」-> direct object marker particle

「見せて ; misete」-> to show (te-form to connect to the next part)

「くれる ; kureru」-> something was done for the speaker (being shown)

「かなァ ; kanaa 」-> I wonder

= “I wonder what kind of face dad will show me, when you get burned by my flames, Shouto!?”

The official translation added the “burn you to ash” part, which just adds more harshness to this than there already is. I’m not exactly opposed to that as I do recognize that he is being harsh here, however, this overall theme of adding words to make the villains sound harsher is just not what a translator is supposed to do so it is important to point it out.

Also notice the kureru, which is used when something was given to or done for the listener (i.e. a favor). Previously, Shouto has pointed out that Dabi would not survive his attempt at burning Shouto, either, and yet here he is wondering specifically what face Endeavor will show him. He isn’t just wondering what face this man will make, but what his reaction would be that his own failure has killed his masterpiece.

After Deku interferes we get this panel of Dabi and this is where the conversation between him and Shouto ends and his speech to Deku starts.

The Japanese version essentially says the same as the translation:「他所の家に首突っ込むなよ！」

「他所」-> another place; outside (one’s family or group)

「の」-> particle to indicate possession, works like an apostrophe

「家」-> family

「に」-> in

「首突っ込む」-> expression to poke one’s nose into another’s affair; lit.: “to thrust one’s neck into something”

「な」-> sentence ending particle; expresses emotion/sentiment

「よ」-> sentence ending particle; shows emphasis

= “Don’t stick your neck (nose) into other people’s family!”

After this, we get the part where Deku gives his speech with the “And guess what?! You’re not Endeavor!” part that was supposed to… reach what exactly? 

Someone pointed out that this wasn’t supposed to be an “It’s your power!” 2.0 speech, because with Shouto, Deku wanted to get to him and help him. With Dabi, on the other hand, he is saying (and he literally is saying this) that Endeavor is trying to be better. And Dabi not being Endeavor means that Dabi is not trying to be better. That, in turn, means that Deku is watching this Endeavor, the one that is trying to be better, but someone like Dabi who isn’t trying isn’t something worth watching.

Anyway, regardless of what the point of that phrase was, Dabi’s reaction is mocking this obvious statement

The Japanese line says「はははそんな事が誰でもわかる！！」

「ははは ; hahaha 」-> laughing

「そんな ; sonna 」-> such

「事 ; koto 」-> thing

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「誰でも ; daredemo 」-> anyone

「わかる ; wakaru」-> to understand

= “Hahaha, anyone understands such a thing!”

Continued by this part.

The first line here says「でも俺はかわいそうな人間だろ！？」

「でも ; demo 」-> but

「俺 ; ore 」-> I

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「かわいそうな ; kawaisou na 」-> pitiable; poor

「人間 ; ningen 」-> human

「だろ ; daro 」-> don’t you think?

= “But I am a pitiable human, don’t you think!?”

What’s interesting to note about this line is the use of ningen. Normally, you would more likely use the word「人」(hito), meaning person, when you put another word in front of it. After all, when you talk about another person (much like I am using the word right now) it’s obvious they are human, so you wouldn’t need to use the word human.

With that, Dabi specifically using the word human here is done in order to humanize himself to Deku. Not only is he asking “hey, don’t you pity me at least a little?” but rather he is saying: “I get that you think I’m just some low-life villain, but I am a human being with valid feelings, so don’t just ignore them because you don’t see me trying.”

Again - Dabi chooses his words carefully and this is no exception.

If you paid extra close attention, you might have noticed that the word kawaisou gets used again. But did you spot the difference? While in the first example the word is written in kanji as 「可哀想」now it’s completely written in hiragana. Why is that? You might wonder, and I did too. Keep in mind that the first time the word gets used here (written in kanji), Dabi is referring to Shouto. This time (written in hiragana) he is referring to himself. Kanji are generally used because it makes texts easier to read since there are no spaces in Japanese. Much like the rest of us, Japanese people are also born with zero kanji knowledge and learn about them as they grow up. Because of this, books for children tend to just be in hiragana (the letter Kota writes to Deku thanking him for having saved him is also written in just hiragana) so they can easily read them. With that, a text in all hiragana gives off a more childish, cute, innocent kinda feel.

Obviously, in spoken Japanese, you can’t hear that he is saying this word in hiragana. But we know that he is. So aside from him using the word human to make him more, well, human, he is also saying the word pitiable in an innocent way, which furthers the image he is trying to create of himself; that of an innocent human being that has been wronged. Because clearly, someone has to help the heroes see that villains are also people. As mentioned before, this is a common theme of the League of Villains and has most recently been brought up by Toga’s question to Uraraka of whether or not the heroes saw Twice as a person. Dabi is, in a way, asking that same question, just with several exclamation marks.

The second line says「正義の味方が犯した罪それが俺だ！」

「正義 ; seigi」-> justice

「の ; no 」-> particle to indicate possession, works like an apostrophe

「味方 ; mikata 」-> supporter

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「犯した ; okashita 」-> committed

「罪 ; tsumi 」-> crime

「それ ; sore 」-> that

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「俺 ; ore 」-> I

「だ ; da 」-> casual form of です (desu); be; is

= “The crimes committed by the champion of justice: that’s me.”

That first part seigi no mikata is sort of a set expression, but I wanted to break it down so you can see what the actual words are. It’s generally translated as champion of justice, knight in shining armor, crime avenger, or hero. Hero is obviously not the right translation here, since they just use the word hero for the profession. Champion of justice is just the closest to the actual words, hence I chose that translation.

The official translation is once again being biased with this sentence, this time though not so much to make the villains look worse, but to make a hero look less bad. While the Japanese version says that this “champion of justice” aka Endeavor has committed crimes that resulted in Dabi’s existence, the translation changed it to “did some vile stuff” which is seriously downplaying the fact that a Pro Hero, whose job it is to fight criminals, is actually a criminal himself! It’s just yet again a very odd change to make, especially given the fact that we know that Endeavor has committed crimes. So why make it sound like less here?

Okay, so you might be confused about this line if you read both the fan translation, as well as the official translation.

Again, the official translation says “evil is thriving” - the fan translation, on the other hand, says “evil will no longer prosper.”

To opposite meanings for the same short phrase. Why is that?

You see, the first line says「悪が栄��るんじゃねェ！」

「悪 ; aku 」-> evil

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「栄える ; sakaeru 」-> to prosper

「んじゃねェ ; n janee 」-> “isn’t it” (see explanation below)

= “Evil will prosper, won’t it?”

The reason for that confusion is that last part, n janee, because its meaning depends on the context, and with that, in cases like this, it’s less obvious which it is.

This is a rougher way of the casual n janai, which is a more casual way of no janai, which is a more casual form of no de wa arimasen. Or in simple terms: it’s very casual.

So what does it mean? Like I said, the meaning depends on the context.

The no is an explanatory particle and when paired with janai can be used for when you express an opinion, whilst seeking the listener’s opinion.

So you can treat it as a “isn’t it” in an affirmative sentence (when you express your opinion or talking about probability), but you can also use it to negate a sentence (hence the two opposite translations). The former can also be used when you’re making a point.

Knowing that it’s pretty much down to context, we have to ask what makes more sense. Is Dabi saying that evil will prosper, or is he saying evil doesn’t prosper?

To put this into context, you have to look at the surrounding sentences. Prior to this one, Dabi mentioned that he is the crimes of the hero system. In the next phrase, he talks about justice collapsing. Because of that, I think “evil will prosper” is a more accurate translation as justice collapses as a result of evil - unless you interpret evil as being about the heroes.

Anyway, the second line says「正義が側板するだけ！」

「正義 ; seigi 」-> justice

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「側板 ; gakai 」-> collapse; downfall

「する ; suru 」-> to do (turns the noun it attaches to into a verb)

「だけ ; dake 」-> only

= “Justice will only collapse!”

If you look back at the official translation, it says “Justice is losing this war!” Meanwhile, the Japanese version doesn’t mention the words losing or war. While they still somewhat say the same thing, losing a war doesn’t inherently lead to irreversible, long-term effects. Instead, this situation is about more than just losing this war. The entire system is taking a fatal blow from this. Not even so much from this war, though. The reason Dabi is so certain that this will be the downfall for justice is that how are people supposed to still trust in this justice system when those that are supposed to defend it are criminals themselves? It’s more of a natural consequence resulting from a system that has been corrupt for far too long - the exposure is simply what will put an end to it.

The third line in that part is「俺はその責任を感情豊かな皆々様に示しただけだ」

「俺 ; ore 」-> I

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「その ; sono 」-> that

「責任 ; sekinin」-> duty; responsibility

「を ; wo 」-> direct object marker

「感情 ; kanjou」-> emotion

「豊かな ; yutaka na」-> extremely; very

「皆々様 ; minaminasama」-> everyone

「に ; ni 」-> to

「示した ; shimeshita」-> pointed out; showed

「だけだ ; dake」-> only

「だ; da 」-> casual form of です (desu); be; is

= “I only pointed this responsibility out to all you very emotional people.”

What irked me about this phrase in particular in the official translation was yet again the choice of words. I get that Dabi has a rough way of speaking. But sometimes, he chooses to use polite words and that shouldn’t be erased.

So when the official translation makes him say “All I’m doing is showing you sentimental dopes who’s to blame for that!” It’s just a rude phrase. But in Japanese he says minaminasama. You might be familiar with the word minna or minna-san, with the san in the latter example being a polite suffix (kind of like Mr./Mrs.,...). Sama is similar to that but even more polite. So minaminasama is about as polite as you can go. There might not be a direct English equivalent to that level of politeness, but I think we can all understand that “dopes” is not a correct translation here.

The responsibility/blame part goes back to what Deku said to him. “You aren’t Endeavor” - no, he isn't. And no, he isn’t exactly trying to be better. But that kind of mentality only ignores the obvious fact that this all could’ve been prevented, had it not been for Endeavor and his own selfish goals. It was a hero - the “champion of justice” - that committed crimes just like a villain. But it’s unheard of for a hero to do such a thing. Society doesn’t get shaken at its core when it hears about a villain committing a crime. A hero, on the other hand, being found guilty of a criminal record, will lead to people doubting the integrity of heroes altogether and that is not Dabi’s doing. All he does is share the truth.

To round this speech off, we get one last phrase:

“The future coming down the pipeline… is one where all that schmaltz and lip service is gonna get blown away by the chaos!”

The Japanese line says「これから訪れる未来はきってキレイ事など吹けば飛んでく混沌だろうぜ！」

「これから ; korekara 」-> from now on; after this

「訪れる ; otozureru 」-> to arrive

「未来 ; mirai 」-> future

「は ; wa 」-> topic marker particle

「きっと ; kitto 」-> surely; without a doubt

「キレイ 事; kireigoto」-> glossing over; lip service

「など ; nado 」-> such as

「吹けば ; fukeba 」-> to blow (conditional form of fuku)

「飛んでく ; tondeku」-> to go flying (short for tonde iku)

「混沌 ; konton」-> chaos

「だろう ; darou」-> it seems; don’t you think?

「ぜ ; ze 」-> ending particle for emphasis (more casual/ruder version of yo)

= “Surely, if things like this lip service get blown over, the future coming after this will be chaos flying around.”

In Japanese, there are several conditional forms. The ba form, as used here in fukeba, is used when the preceding clause expresses a condition, which results in natural consequences. In this case, something happens in case pretty things get blown over.

Mirai is one of the words you can use to talk about the future in Japanese. This word is more intangible and more general rather than being about one specific event or person, so everyone will be affected by this.

And with that, we have made it through all of his speech from this chapter, congrats!

Something you may have noticed is that there are plenty of particles you can use at the end of a sentence, usually for emphasis. One of the most common ones you find throughout the chapter are yo and ze. Yo is a pretty standard one to show emphasis, whereas ze is more of a colloquial version of yo that has an assertive feel and is therefore usually only used when speaking in very casual conversations or to someone of lower social status than you. Dabi has used this on Endeavor before and is now also using it on Deku - aka his opponents.

Going back to the start of the chapter when Dabi is mainly focused on Shouto, though, he ends most of his sentences with naa. As mentioned before, this particle is used to express emotions/sentiment.

He also uses that during their first on-screen interaction during the summer camp. While I do think that Dabi is mainly still only seeing Shouto as an extension of Endeavor, I do think that there is also a part of him that does see himself in him and that can somewhat sympathize with him. He isn’t being as rough on him overall (verbally that is), and instead is trying to come off as more emotional, possibly just to appeal more to him.

To sum it up, there are a lot of things that just get lost in translation due to nuances that don’t exist in English. More often than not, though, the villains are being given harsher words, whereas anything related to heroes is softened. Dabi is constantly shown to be someone who puts great care and thought into the words he uses, so there is a lot of that emotional intelligence that gets neglected in the translation and then makes him seem more like someone on a random mission rather than someone who has put genuine thought into this.

There are still so many people in the fandom who, for some reason, think Dabi is in the wrong and irredeemable for having killed thirty people, whilst having the same stance as Deku in thinking that Endeavor is much better because at least he is trying.

While they should both be held accountable for their actions, Dabi has a good point when he said that heroes are to blame for his existence and that their crimes are what will ruin the justice system and not him.

Best Jeanist’s reaction to this whole situation was complaining that Dabi uses his personal past to shed a bad light on the heroes, which summarizes that exact problem of the hero society: That heroes are more concerned with their own image than actually being heroes who go above and beyond to bring about peace and safety.

Seeing Shouto’s reaction, being concerned about his big brother rather than himself, is at the very least giving some hope that at least one person on the hero side is able to see beyond the villain exterior and see them as a human-being - without needing a long speech for it.

We’ll have to wait and see how this is going to continue, but in more likeliness, the official English translation will continue to include its bias.

If you’ve made it this far - thank you so much for reading! This post was filled with a lot of information and trust me when I say some of these lines almost broke me as I tried to understand them. I hope I could clarify some parts of the chapter, though, specifically Dabi’s character, since the official translation loves to change his character.

[chaos0pikachu]

I'm pretty sure Tee's father wasn't drunk and has severe mental illness of some sort, leaning towards schizophrenia but we can't say for sure. The show didn't make any indication his father was just a drunk, an alcoholics don't need medication they need treatment. Tee's Uncle specifies Tee is working for food, and medication for his "crazy" father.

It's extremely doubtful Tee immediately paid off Non's debt working a few weeks at an internet cafe because Non owed interest on the principal. It was the interest that kept him in debt as that's how loans work, and why Uncle Gangster could keep Non working at the casino indefinitely. Predatory loans rely on interest to keep creditors in debt which was originally why Non needed such a large lump sum of money, so his interest would be all that was left to pay of what he originally owed.

I know by technicalities it wasn't "a loan" that Non took out but that's how the chars - and by extension the narrative - were treating it. Tee was hoping, very much like a delusional teenager would, that working multiple part time jobs in-conjunction with the job he already had with his abusive Uncle plus Non's own working would be enough to pay off the debt quickly without to much interest accruing in a short amount of time.

It's delusional but in line for a char who is 18 and naive to think this, because Uncle was willing to sell Non's organs without blinking. It's interesting to me that fandom views Non as a child (which I agree with in a general sense) but not the other characters who are all his same age (except for New who is older). Tee is Non's same age, they share the same economical background - tho given Tee's house compared to Non's, and that Tee is the sole breadwinner of his household he is probably poorer than Non monetarily - and similarly have no real support system. Non's parents have a golden child (New) and a scapegoat (Non) though at the very least his father sticks up for him. Tee doesn't even have that as his Uncle sees him as disposable and his father is unfit.

Look, I'm not trying to absolve Tee of his part in the overall tragedy of Non's life. Tee absolutely bares responsibility here. Though I'd argue the real "villains" for lack of a better term, are a combo of the system and authority figures who either abuse, use, or abandon these various young adults in various ways.

Tee lies about the camera specifically because his Uncle threatens his livelihood - get me somebody who can open accounts or get the fuck out and good luck buying expensive medicine for your crazy father - it's a bad play. It's fucked up to use Non in this way, but he didn't lie about it to cover for Top he lied about it as a means of his own survival.

Now, do I agree with this? Obviously no, again it's a bad play and is selfish but this is how cycles of violence continue and become enforced. Tee is a victim of his Uncle, therefore victimizes Non for his own survival. It's fucked up and horrible and Tee has come to the same realization.

That's why he works a bunch of jobs to help Non and why he pleaded with his Uncle to literally not kill Non. He doesn't even argue against the fact he's the reason Non is in this situation he knows this and he's doing what he can with what very little power he has.

Again people are going to think I think Tee is like "a good person" or whatever, but I don't think that and neither does the narrative. The narrative has just also emphasized that Tee is not an inherently irredeemable person as well. The show has not showcases a black/white binary in terms of morality.

This is not The Glory - where the school bullying was worse, and the characters were awful people well into their adulthood leaving a trail of bodies wherever they went, gleefully - revenge won't even give New absolution let alone a solution to his problems.

I bring up The Glory because the protagonist gets revenge but she is also able to find absolution and move on in her life so that her life isn't a simple tragedy but a renewal. The show hasn't set that up for New - who also killed an innocent person rip Uncle - and Non probably wouldn't be happy with New because he didn't like New's ass anyway.

I genuinely think the finale is gonna upset fans next week lol because the show isn't tracking towards a slasher ending nor a villain wins ending.

If New does "win" then White also has to die - White is not on New's side, and if New kills Tee White is going to have a bit of a problem with that - because witnesses. If White is a "final girl" then New dies in the process and god what the fuck is White telling the police b/c a government officials kid is dead on the couch.

And here's the big kicker, this episode reinforced to me that this show is still very much a BL and there's specific conventions it's following there that don't track with horror conventions. The show isn't a slasher it's psychological horror at most (which is why I want an open ending personally but I'm flexible).

I genuinely think less people will die than fandom thinks or wants. And that specific chars will live that will REALLY upset fandom lmao

Dead Friend Forever - Ep 11

Another episode, another 10/10 🏆

It never ceases to amaze me how much this series is based in real life. As a person living in a country where the alcohol problem is significant (as almost everywhere 🤷‍♀️), remembering the 80s and 90s, I know situations in which children have to pick up their drunk parents from the streets, endure shame and public humiliation, take care of them as if THEY were the adults. I also know situations in which conflicts over land, the taking of property by someone in power, drove people crazy (I worked with a woman whose MIL went crazy because of it). I also know people who, as children, had to take care of the house because their parents couldn't do it due to their illnesses, addictions and traumas. These are real stories. I KNOW these stories.

Although for a long time I was rather convinced that Non was dead, now, despite the literal facts, I am starting to doubt it 🤡 It's too obvious in this show full of non-obviousness, but on the other hand, the victim's passing in such an ordinary, anticlimactic way is somehow… fitting with the overall painful reality of this show, the banality and ordinariness of evil. Victims often just... go, in silence, without fanfare, without a bang. Although that's why, despite everything, hope somehow grew in me, as if in spite of the facts...

The series amazingly showed love at first sight, the pinkness that accompanied White's entrance, the music, the atmosphere… but it's not the first time, Phee was just as instantly infatuated with Non, as Jin was with Phee.

The series also, consciously or unconsciously, shows that there was a solution when it came to money: there was legal work that did not involve suffering, violence, sex or crime. Tee paid off Non's debts by working at an internet cafe!!! And it's amazing when I think about the fact that Non slept in Keng "out of gratitude" for the money and Tee, looking for money for his father, agreed to work in a criminal organization. And what's more baffling, it's even shown that Tee receives very LITTLE money from his uncle, so it's not even a matter of "selling out to the mafia" for a good money that would allow for professional treatment of his father in the hospital! (I actually thought the whole time that his father was in the hospital and he was paying for his expensive treatment!!!). Even this terrible uncle says:

As I mentioned in another post, I can't bring myself to feel sympathy for Tee because Tee targeted Non, chose him as an easy victim, introduced him to the criminal world, lied about the camera when he really didn't have to (he could have come up with some other lie, for example that they entered the classroom and the camera was already broken, or no one touched it at all and whatever - heh, I came up with this lie in a second so that no one would get hurt - and why did Por bring it to school in the first place?) and then actively work with Top against Non and Keng, although he really, really didn't have to. Tee never de-escalated the situation, he was always the driving force behind events. Even though he didn't have to.

I appreciate that Non is shown to be physically exhausted, which is the result of being beaten. It would be strange if after something like that he just felt good and worked hard. His mental state certainly affects his health as well. How terrible it is that Non thinks that no one is waiting for him at home. that there is no one to return to. It's a child's heartbreaking belief that their parents don't care about them enough to notice that they are gone, to look for them. This is Non's double tragedy: what is happening to him and the fact that he doesn't have something, someone, to give him strength. Even on his note, he states that he is not a loser as his motivation...

The best scenes of course went to Tan, oh how I loved everything. The way he directs Phee towards Tee, the way he incites him. That Tan is not afraid of death. That he has a plan because he didn't trust Phee. It's very possible that for Tan it may no longer be about Non, but about pure revenge and karma and punishment and atonement.

There is an anime that I like, One Outs 😉 There is one scene in this anime in which the main character calls out people, especially politicians, that when they screw up something, they bow, apologize and that's the end of it. That they never pay for their sins, never face real consequences, that they never experience what the victims of their actions experienced. And this scene stays with me all the time while watching DFF. Because we can see, that the boys feel guilty, some more, some less, episode 11 showed that Tee had the greatest sense of guilt of all of them, because he was in the very center of events and knows the most. But what good does it do to Non? Who cares about their guilt and whispered apologies under the influence of drugs, in fear? Did their guilt help his parents or did it help Non and Tan?

None of them ever suffered any consequences or tried to right the wrongs. ON THE CONTRARY. Everyone pretends that nothing happened and is downright furious that this case keeps coming back and ruins their peaceful lives, and it dares to make them uncomfortable. Each of them lives a good life, including Tee, who is in love and happy. The movie is still finished. THE MOVIE IS STILL FINISHED AND THEY ARE PROFITING FROM IT.

Revenge for wrong is one of the oldest tropes in the stories created by people. The Erinyes are some of the oldest figures in the mythology of my part of the world for a reason. It is a disagreement that bad people can get away with their bad deeds. Tan fits this narrative perfectly. He carries revenge, quite possibly only for himself. So somehow I'm glad that "if Non would have wanted it" didn't shake his conviction in any way 💖

I'm still holding off on judging Phee and his behavior towards Tan until the finale. Despite everything, something still doesn't feel right to me 🤔

When things get dangerous at the beginning of the series and they immediately suspect Non's ghost, each of them repeats the same narrative from the past: fear, guilt, the need to escape, to move away from the the problem. In all cultures there is something like prayer, appeasement of vengeful spirits, confrontation with what has been done to these spirits. Notice that all of them, even when they think it might be the "Ghost Non" that is chasing them and taking revenge, not one of them even for a second proposes: let's apologize to ghost Non, let's pray for him, let's promise him and ourselves, that if we come out alive, we will do something about it, we will MAKE AMENDS, do penance, even if it will be inconvenient for us - because that is what penance is about, it is supposed to be "inconvenient", just like the victim was "inconvenient" ffs!!! BUT NO. There is only worrying about themselves, destroying disks, destroying the memory of Non, running away from the problem, blaming others.

Tan is right.​

[nikatyler]

✗ : Explain how they portray feelings of hostility or dislike.

۞: Are there any inner demons they can never seem to get rid of? What are they?

☆ : Would they ever wish upon a falling star? If so, what would they wish?

For Caleb Rose

✗ : I think it can be noticed in his body language and the way he talks - or rather does not talk, because usually if Caleb has to talk to someone he dislikes, or about a topic he dislikes and unfortunately can't avoid, his responses will get much shorter, they'll come off sort of annoyed, or like he has to force himself to answer (he does have to force himself in such case), or he won't really talk at all and he'll just give you hmm's and mmm's at various not very nice tones. He will seem more distant and not interested, maybe even rude. He's not trying to be rude though, he kinda knows he should handle it better but it just can be so exhausting sometimes.

I can think of a few cases where he wouldn't be like that, for example if Tyler is being really annoying about something, Caleb will gladly tell him to fuck off haha.

۞: I know that calling mental health issues demons is a bit of a cliché, but those would be his demons. His anxiety, his depression...it's so difficult to beat them sometimes.

Also, and this is something I will have to think about more for the future "reboot" of gen 4 (if that reboot will ever actually come lol), but he kind of beats himself up for how he treated the whole situation with Angel, his first wife, how he pushed her away when she was like "no, wait, we can actually make it work, it'll be alright", but he just completely gave up everything. He meant well, and everything turned out well, but the moment when they were breaking up, he just didn't handle it right, he wasn't thinking straight and he was unnecessarily mean about it. (Or should I say we didn't handle it right because that is one of the worst things I've ever written in this legacy. We'll blame my age and lack of life experience haha.)

I'm not sure how I'll go about the breakup in the reboot, I think I'll write it so that he'll be less awful about the whole situation, maybe a bit more rational, but still, for a long time he'll be coming back to that night in his memories and just feel terrible about it.

That got long, sorry. 😅

☆ : Similarly, I have yet to figure out how to go about the whole "can't have kids but then aliens come and now he can have kids" thing again. Maybe I'm just not remembering it correctly and I'm imagining it far worse than it actually was, but I could definitely be a bit more sensitive about that topic this time around.

Anyway, wishing upon a falling star. Yes, he would. He wouldn't really believe in it in his heart, but a wish can't hurt, right? Either nothing will happen or it will come true. And considering what I talked about in the previous paragraph, I think it's obvious that he would wish for a child to somehow come into his life. Little does he know that he will get one *literally* from the stars haha

Thanks for the ask! ♥

[novantinuum]

Is the “villain card” really a VILLAIN card- or something else?

So, I’ve been thinking a lot today about @faelapis​‘s recent post (link in reblogs so this can go in tags) discussing the corrupted Steven theory, and specifically how he pointed out how in the intro... that the camera “zooms inside Steven’s heart” when transitioning to the shot that features Big Looming Pink Fella.

And I know the fandom generally refers to threatening spreads such as these as “villain cards,” since- at the time of the intro’s release in October, all of these characters were heavily implied to be antagonistic to our main characters in some way. But after seeing the first ten episodes of SUF in full, I feel we should pause and ask ourselves-

Are any of these characters really villains?

And if not, then what IS their role in the greater story of this epilogue, and more importantly- their role featured prominently in the show’s intro?

Let’s take a quick look at the characters we’ve seen already.

_

Jasper

Thus far, Jasper has played the least antagonistic part she ever has in the entire history of Steven Universe. I’d even go so far as to consider her a shaky acquaintance of Steven’s, at this point. 

But as far as her purpose in the show goes so far, Jasper is important because she is the very first person to mash it up with Pink Mode Steven. The very first person who catches a glimpse of this new ability of his to begin with. When Steven first shifted into this state, it was because she pushed him into a situation that was both emotionally and physically compromising. Jasper is every bit as stubborn as Steven. She knows exactly how to push his buttons. It’s for this reason that I don’t think he would’ve discovered his pink state without her, without her egging him on to fight.

Steven tries his best to be very patient with everyone, and yet his frustrations with Jasper’s inability to move forward (hypocrite, much?) elicited a rather jarring rush of directed anger that- before- he generally seemed to keep bottled inward. 

I get the strong sense that he didn’t allow himself to freely and openly express these sorts of “negative” emotions at all before this encounter. 

Furthermore, Jasper slapped him in the face with the biggest call-out of his mental state ever.

Jasper: “I don’t need your help. You’re the one that needs help. You think you’ve beaten me, but you’ve never beaten me on your own. You’ve always been a fusion. You’ve always had your friends because you’re nothing without them. You think everyone needs help.”

Steven: “I – I just…”

Jasper: “But it’s only you. No one is as pitiful as you.”

Every other episode of the show so far has only gone to further showcase that this is what Steven believes about himself right now. (See: Little Graduation, especially.)

And what happened with Jasper that day... was just the beginning of his slow decline.

Bluebird Azurite

This character... also isn’t big villain material. She’s barely even a threat.

Rather, Bluebird serves as a stark reminder for Steven that there are people out there that hate him for being him. Not only that, but those who would fuse for just that reason.

To hate him together.

(I must admit, I still find the notion of Steven potentially falling apart because of a lack of self-love interesting, as much as it is heartbreaking. But I already wrote that post, so moving on-)

But she also is a reflection of how Steven is resistant to change right now.

Greg: “I mean, everyone can change, but not everyone wants to.”

Steven: “Yeah...”

He used to believe in the idea of positive change wholeheartedly, and yet... I think the passing years have led him to a place where he himself is scared of it, of the unknown, of moving on from what’s comfortable, of all the nebulous what-ifs. Which is why when Bluebird shows up, he projects his own resistance on this scenario. He doubts Bluebird’s ability to change for the better because he now doubts that for himself.

Instead, I think he fears he may be changing for the worse.

I strongly believe we’re going to see Bluebird again. I just get the sense that there’s more she can bring to the table. 

“Mean” Lapis and “Nice” Lapis

Also not villains. Just obstacles.  

Similarly to Bluebird, they seem to push that “resistance to change” theme further for Steven. Some people just... are stuck in their ways. (Thankfully though, not all of them. Thanks, Freckles. Love ya lots!) 

Since Why So Blue is focused squarely on capping Lapis’ character arc, there’s not as much Steven-related meta threads I can glean from their first appearance, truth be told. 

I think we’re likely to see more from these two, as well. If they do serve a greater role in the overarching story of SUF, it isn’t complete yet. Fingers crossed!

Cactus Steven

Dear goodness, this creature is completely innocent. Poor baby. XD

This poor fella plays the role of being a physical embodiment of- at the time of Prickly Pair- Steven’s mental state, and pushing the lad to repress his turbulent emotions even further.

Throughout SUF so far, Steven has become consumed by negative self-talk, (”I used to be helpful, but the Gems don't need me anymore”), a stark reluctance to let anyone see the evidence of his mental instability, and explosive anger he cannot gain a handle on. 

And as his mirror, Cactus Steven: 

Repeats things Steven says, spilling all of that negative self-talk and the reasons why he doesn’t want to approach the Gems about his issues.

Is shoved away under a box, representing Steven’s emotional repression.

Warps into a monstrous form, explosive anger brimming at the surface.

Notably, Cactus Steven only fights in direct response to what others lay on him. He is not overtly antagonistic until Steven himself makes the first strike. Later, while the Gems are attempting to fight him back, he desperately tries pushing them away... much like Steven has been all season.

Cactus Steven: “Just... get... OUT!”

Furthermore, Steven creates him. He creates this monster. He’s the reason he becomes so messed up in the first place. That has to feel pretty awful, especially when he’s doubting his ability to be helpful nowadays. He tried to nurture this creature, and look where that got him? This furthers the narrative idea mentioned earlier, of Steven perhaps fearing that he’s now changing for the worse.

Finally, by by the end of this episode, it seems worryingly as if Steven’s reluctance to open up about his problems has solidified.

Pearl: “Is there anything you need to talk about...?”

Steven: “...I think I’ve said enough.”

_

To wrap...

We don’t yet know what role White Diamond will play, but it’s probable that it’ll be something that strongly impacts Steven in a personal way. And at this point in the show, I’m doubtful she’ll suddenly heel-turn back into villainy.  

With all this in mind, my current theory is that... 

These characters are not on this title sequence card as ‘villains’ at all, but rather, each serve as important ‘road markers’ on the path towards the eventual climax of SUF.

Meaning, Steven’s encounters with each of them will influence his way of thinking in a way that leads him further down the road towards eventual corruption. Or whatever else is waiting for him at the end.

And the camera specifically “zooms into Steven’s heart” because these characters, standing in front of that monster, represent the moments that lead him into that state. 

What we’re seeing here is a visual record of the burden he carries inside him.

[mlwritingprompts]

Submitted Prompt: "Compromised Court of Miracles"

This diverges from the events of "Miracle Queen" in one critical fashion: the identities of the temporary Holders are not just exposed to Hawkmoth and Mayura, but to Paris at large.  This is due to Alya being in the middle of livestreaming over her phone when she's hit; rather than dropping her cell, she brings it along with her, unintentionally broadcasting over the Ladyblog.  By the time she's freed from Miracle Queen's control and has a chance to realize what's happened, it's far too late: the footage has already gone viral, copies of it spreading like wildfire across the 'net.

Naturally, this has massive implications and consequences.  Among them:

-- The exposed heroes find themselves at the center of a media firestorm, facing harassment from its less scrupulous members, along with similarly awful members of the public.  While some flood them with admiration and thanks for their service, others take it upon themselves to give them hell, coming up with all manner of excuses to 'justify' their cruelty... or simply doing it because they can.

-- Alya grapples with guilt and horror over the fallout, as she finally understands all too well why Ladybug was so adamant about protecting her own identity.  While she recognizes that she's not completely to blame for what happened, she still feels responsible... and it certainly doesn't help that Chloe lashes out at her, furious over having to face her own consequences for her actions.

-- The reputation of the Bourgeois takes a massive hit, as Mayor Andre struggles to mitigate the damage and protect his daughter to the best of his ability.  This only fans the flames, especially as more and more evidence of her past bad behavior is dragged out into the open.  The train incident comes back to haunt her, along with the way she exploited her father's position.

-- Practices at College Francoise Dupont are called into question.  The fact that so many of the exposed heroes attend the school is quickly noticed, and combined with the amount of akuma that originated from its grounds... paired with Chloe being among the students, and mounting evidence of the way she conducted herself there (and was shielded from the bulk of the consequences)... People naturally have questions.  And are drawing their own conclusions, painting a rather bleak picture.

-- Master Fu still leaves Paris with Marianne as a measure of protection... not just from Hawkmoth and his allies, but from the public as well.  Even with his memories wiped, he could still face harassment or far worse at the hands of others.

-- Struggling to safeguard her own identity as best she can, Ladybug issues a public statement on the matter.  Declaring that the temporary bearers were each chosen because they were available at the time, and imploring the public to stop hounding them and treat them with more respect.  Her pleas feel as though they fall on largely deaf ears; while many Parisians do listen, and try to counter the cruelty as best they can, said cruelty still cuts deep.

-- Chat Noir tries to leverage the situation to his benefit, trying to convince 'his lady' that they need to band together in the face of this... and rely on each other even more, given that they're now all that the other has.  He also tries to use this new information to figure out her identity.  (This potentially blows up in his face by forcing her to confiscate the Ring.)

-- Marinette's parents sit her down for a serious discussion about recent events.  While still unaware of her secret identity, they regret not doing more about the Chloe situation, wondering whether things might have turned out differently if they'd pursued the issue.  They also bring up the idea of potentially transferring her to another school, as Francoise Dupont no longer seems safe.  (However, they don't necessarily FORCE the idea upon her... and Marinette may not be entirely opposed to transferring, for the sake of her alter ego if nothing else.)

-- Lila also finds herself facing fallout from all this.  With Francoise Dupont coming under deeper scrutiny, the lies she spun around it now run the risk of being pulled out and exposed as well...

-- In addition, seeing firsthand the storm surrounding Chloe in the wake of Miracle Queen may cause Lila to second-guess her own dealings with Hawkmoth... wondering whether the potential benefits really outweigh the risks.  Especially given how the temp heroes are being harassed as well...

[frustratedasatruar]

I have to say, as more information comes out about the war, the less it fits the profile of a genocide. The ratio of civilian deaths to militant deaths is well within the average for an armed conflict in this century; the numbers I've been seeing cited from different sources have been in the 60/40 range, which is dead average. An honestly remarkable feet, considering that Hamas's stated strategy involves using their own people as human shields, wanting to "make every palestinian a martyr for the cause."

This paired with Hamas's long standing history of breaking every ceasefire they sign and stating loudly that they intend to continue to do so, with their stated objective oscillating between killing all Jews in Israel and killing all Jews in the world...

Like, obviously peace with them is impossible. Hamas's own stated position is that peace with them is impossible.

None of this changes the fact that Israel has been committing atrocities in the war, and those atrocities deserve to be protested and indeed the administration responsible for them aught to be in the hague... alongside the administrations of more-or-less every country that has won a war in the last half century, because they all commit atrocities. Because that's what war is.

Like, I'm not opposed to war-as-a-concept for fun; its legitimately always awful.

Similarly, as an anarchist, I'm not opposed to states-as-a-concept on a whim; they all suck. Neither Netanyahu's government nor the state they govern are remarkable in this respect.

Which is ultimately the thing here; they're not remarkable. But we're talking limitlessly about the one war in the world where the side with the advantage is 80%~ Jewish, instead of every other much worse war that is going on. It makes the outrage read as disingenuous.

Israel is an apartheid state the size of new jersey that is currently waging a largely-unremarkable (but geopolitically significant) campaign against a terrorist government which objectively provoked the current stage of hostilities.

The Congo is actively perpetrating a far-less-disputable genocide in order to protect capitalist business interests. Six million people have died.

But Israel is the one that everybody has to have an opinion on.

It is still an important problem. So not lost on me is that the degree of rabid judenhass among my fellow leftists in the west makes it actively difficult for us to coordinate with anti-regime activists inside Israel. You know, the thing that could actually make a real difference to the situation on the ground.

Man, it is pretty fucking chilling listening to your family, your friends, the people you trusted to have a sense of morality, the people you trusted to care and show compassion for others, turn around and make excuse after excuse for the unjust murder of thousands of civilians. How the hell can these people make fun of Republican voters for blindly voting in GOP candidates as long as it puts a Republican, any Republican, in power, but then NOT draw the line for your own Democratic president when he throws his full financial and military support behind genocide? Jesus fucking Christ.

[littlespaceporgs]

Tea or Caf?

leah!!! congrats on your celebration i’m so excited for you 🥳🥳 i would like to request “when one person’s face is scrunched up, and the other one kisses their lips/nose/forehead” with my dear obi wan

A/N: Hiya! First of all, I’d like to make a shout out to Ann ( @cherieboba ) for the idea, she mentioned it in a group-chat and because of this I shall make this as Padawan!Obi in her honour. This is pure absolute fluff, hope you like it Rach <33

Want to request? See here.

Tea or Caf?

Prompt: #6 – when one person’s face is scrunched up, and the other one kisses their lips/nose/forehead

Word Count: ~1.5k, officially my longest response to a request :D Pairing: Padawan!Obi-Wan x Padawan!reader Description: Before he leaves, yourself and Obi-Wan get into a much needed debate on tea vs caf.

Tags for the loves of my life: @kaminobiwan @ohhellokenobi @saintlaurentkenobi @catsnkooks @cherieboba @obirain @hellotherekenobi

It was late morning on Coruscant. The sun had well risen out of its orange glow, and had long since transformed into a bright and warm day. Within the jedi temple, masters and padawans alike had begun their daily business, and the first council meetings of the morning had begun and finished by now. It was one of these such meetings that Qui-Gon Jinn had steadily been making his way back to his room from. It wasn’t overly long, just them briefing him on an upcoming mission, this did not however, make it any less tedious. It appeared that his disagreeing with the council was becoming more apparent by the day.

As he approached the door that led to the shared common room between his and Obi-Wan’s rooms, he noticed that a few jedi walking past were keeping distance between themselves and said door. If he were any other jedi master, he would’ve probably done the same. But alas, he instead got even closer to the door, an eyebrow quirking in confusion when for a brief moment there was no sound coming from inside. Of course, he wasn’t waiting long.

“OBI-WAN, ITS GOING TO TASTE LIKE BANTHA FODDER!”

“I think you’ve confused caf for tea, because you are surely wrong in this situ-”

“If I were to wonder into the sith hells, I wouldn’t be able to find anything that tastes quite as-”

It was at this moment the Qui-Gon chose to enter the room, which caused the two adult padawans at the table to abruptly stop arguing and stand up straight. They chirped out a slightly guilty good morning to the master as he regarded them with thinly veiled amusement. In this moment, the 22-year old padawans looked an awful lot like children who had just done something wrong. He could feel the force humming around them with a type of warm happiness, despite the argument that had just been occurring.

“Hello padawan’s, it’s good to hear you both in high spirits,” he took a little pleasure in the blush that rose on both their cheeks, “although, I do wonder why you aren’t with your master?” The second padawan grinned back and scratched behind their head.

“Uh well, my master said that you and Obi-Wan were heading out on a mission today, so I came to say bye?” Qui-Gon, whilst finding this whole situation rather funny, decided that he should leave the two to say their goodbyes, because they did have a point. He may have a somewhat rocky relationship with his padawan, but it made him happy to see Obi-Wan with a child-like energy that he only saw when he was in your presence.

“Very well then. Obi-Wan, meet me in the hanger in 10 minutes, please don’t be late.” The padawan next to Obi-Wan grinned and threw their elbow into his side, which he replied by shoving them to the side and nodding.

“Of course, Master.” Qui-Gon nodded, once he had turned and his face was out of sight to the padawan’s, he smiled to himself.

                                                - - - - - - - - - - - -              

You watched Qui-Gon leave with a bittersweet feeling. After all he had given you and Obi-Wan extra time, but he was also taking him away. Obi-Wan nudged you again and sat down in his original chair beside you.

“Can you please just try-” A surge of indignation returned to your stomach, and you cut him off, sitting down and crossing your arms.

“No! Obi-Wan, tea is gross, and I am going to live off of caf for the rest of my life.” The boy in front of you mock-pouted, reaching out and pulling your hands from where they had been tightly wound around your chest. You suddenly became aware of the fact that your knees were pressed together. He rested your interlocked hands on your legs and looked directly into your eyes. Vaguely, you notice that there is a glint of mischievousness reflecting back in his blue eyes.

“Just try the tea? Please? For me?” A sense of serene washed over you from head to toe, and a warm feeling settled in your stomach. Without even thinking, you reached over to take the cup. The corner of his lip started to twitch upwards, and despite the calm feeling over your mind, you felt a tickle somewhere in the back.

“I-” No, hang on. Wait a second. Your eyebrows scrunched up slightly and you tilted your head to the side. You didn’t want to taste the- the absolute nerve of this boy! “You just tried to mind-trick me!” His mouth stretched into a smirk and he desperately tried not to snort. Your arm lashed out, and you clipped him on the side of his head.

“You did! You nerfherder!” Despite the annoyance, you did find this amusing. He had to have known that it wasn’t going to work, he was just doing it to get a rise out of you at this point. He laughed, but placed the cup of tea into your hand anyway.

“Okay, maybe I did, but can you still please just try it? I think you’ll like this one?” Your nose pulled up again, and a mild grimace made its way onto your face as you slowly lifted it towards you.

“Fine, but for the record, I’m trying it because I want to, not because of you.” He smiled as you took the smallest sip from the cup. Oh my gods, this was worse than you thought it could be. If it were possible, your nose screwed up even further, pulling the rest of your face into a scrunch. Obi-Wan looked as if he was desperately trying not to laugh at your expression.

“Is it really that bad?”

Your expression remained unchanged, and you shook your head. He laughed in response and placed the cup back on the table next to you. That’s when he leaned across to you and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead crease. He only lingered there a moment before he moved down to the bridge of your nose. The warm feeling returned in your stomach, accompanied by the occasional butterfly. The grimace melted off your face with every moment that passed.

“Don’t you,” he said against your nose, before moving to one of your cheeks. “Think that,” he moved to the other cheek, “your reaction was a little dramatic?” He then pulled away and rested his forehead against your own. You didn’t hesitate to cross the small distance between your lips.

This, of course, wasn’t the first time the two of you had kissed. But nonetheless, it still took your breath away, despite it only lasting for a second. Somewhere among this, your hands had moved to his chest, and his to the sides of your face. You sighed after he left your lips again.

“Maybe.” You rested your heads together with your eyes closed for a little longer. You inhaled at the same times as Obi-Wan, and for this moment, it felt like everything was in sync, in balance. You kissed him again, and felt your heart sink a small distance. “Please be careful while you’re gone.” You murmured against him, and you felt him smile as he kissed you a third time. When he pulled away and stood up, pulling you with him, the ghost of his lips stayed. His arms drew you to him and he put his chin on your head.

“Of course, I will. Don’t get too close to Quin while I’m gone?” You both shook gently with laughter, and your heart felt the slightest bit lighter.

“Of course, I won’t.” He kissed your forehead one last time before stepping towards the door. “I’ll see you when you get back?”

He grinned in return and raised his hand in a half wave. “I’ll see you when I get back.”

BONUS:

Qui-Gon turned towards Obi-Wan as the boy strode into the hanger and grinned in spite of himself. The boy looked thoroughly relaxed and serene, and with noticeably redder cheeks.

“About time, Obi-Wan, I was beginning to think you were going to be late. What took you so long?”

Similarly to your reaction earlier, Obi-Wan reached up and scratched the back of his head. “Nothing, I was just saying good-bye.” Qui-Gon gave his padawan a look out of the side of his eye.

“Oh I’m sure that that’s all you were doing.” If it were possible, the young man’s face lit up even more, and shortly thereafter he fell into nothing but stutters.

Ah, to be young.

[renardtrickster]

“Everyone has implicit or unconscious bias” is a very good point that I don’t get why people love to not understand.

It is possible to hold bigoted beliefs while not holding up a flaming sign asking that we please kill this demographic ASAP. Everyone can agree on this. Your racist uncle who isn’t happy that his white daughter is dating a black guy and the dude with a tiki torch openly calling for race war are both racist. Not to the same extent, obviously, but they are both racist and the first shouldn’t be tolerated just because it’s not the second one. Everyone can agree on this. Certainly the typically right-wing people who would rail against the idea of implicit bias will happily agree that some “woke” people, despite claiming to be against racism or what have you, end up saying or doing some pretty racist things. On the note of woke people, I’ve seen people go against the “I’ve never said or done anything wrong ever” mindset popular in those spheres, on the basis that yes, everyone has said or believed something bigoted at one point, but you don’t now. Nobody starts perfect, nobody is perfect, you just get better, and the expectation that everyone be perfect ends up causing issues, within the cause and without.

The idea of implicit or unconscious bias is that everyone, or nearly everyone, has some sort of bias that, while they may not be aware of it, still exists within them. It’s unconscious. Examples of this may include white people who are not explicitly racist getting nervous when a black person sits next to them on the bus, or a dude who is not explicitly sexist being genuinely surprised at or doubtful of the idea of a woman CEO (girlboss moment) or something, or a straight person who is not explicitly homophobic being opposed to the idea of kids knowing about gay people or having that topic be discussed in their vicinity because they associate being gay with gay sex, which is inappropriate.

However, I see a lot of people misunderstand this. Firstly is the idea that people believe in the idea of unconscious bias so they can have an excuse to accuse others of bigotry. I don’t really see this. I don’t see people say “you/we have unconscious bias” to mean “you/we are awful people”, or ascribing morality to that. It’s certainly a bad thing to have, and a bad thing to crop up, but I only see people ascribe morality when it does crop up, i.e. when it stops being unconscious and just becomes conscious. Otherwise, no. “We have unconscious bias” is meant to be taken as, question your intent with certain actions and thoughts. Where is it coming from? And similarly, “we have unconscious bias” is not meant to say that you can never stop being unconsciously biased, you can never escape it, so roll over. The purpose is to encourage self-examination. Think for a second. Sniff out backwards internal reasoning, throw it out, and move past it. A cycle of self improvement.

The other thing is, the reactionary response to unconscious bias is to say “oh, so it’s only us”. I do not think that is the case, or that people who believe in unconscious bias (outside of the stupid yet loud minority that commenters are inevitably going to point to and then lump me in with them) think like this, that everyone with unconscious racial bias is white, or that everyone with unconscious gender/sexist bias is a man or cis, or that everyone with unconscious orientation bias is straight. In reality, I don’t think anybody thinks this. The idea of “internalized X” is testament to that, and the sheer existence of it as a leftist talking point basically debunks the people who say “oh you think it’s only Y who has unconscious bias”. No, there’s people out there who hate their own ethnic features, and women who look down on or even lowkey hate other women (Girlboss Moment™), and trans and gay people who feel guilty about feeling attracted to people because on some level they bought into the rhetoric of trans and gay people as predatory. Trans people with an unconscious bias against trans people! Weird, but true.

So basically the purpose behind the idea of “unconscious bias” is that society (we live in one!) and the various systems therein, possesses a trend of ingraining certain thoughts or beliefs in people. Often not very good thoughts and beliefs. And even if people openly denounce bigotry and work against it, they still might carry some baggage, because nobody is immune to propaganda. You’re not a bad person for having it, but it is nothing but a good thing to be rid of. Which is why people ask that you introspect on various issues, so you may see the internal logic, the little wizard behind the curtain. And if the little wizard behind the curtain is a shit, remove him. But when people react to this idea by denying that they could have unconscious biases ever, it reminds me of the “i have never said or done anything bad ever” thing they railed against and how it is now harder to take them seriously because it’s starting to look a lot like you’re just more of the same, buddy. But worse than that is the people who think that believing in unconscious bias is proof or indicative of you actually being the real, actual bigot in this situation. First, because it just feels like “anti-racist is a code for anti-white", 2!. Second, if your reaction to the mere idea that you could have internalized some very bad and backwards belief, even if you don’t actively believe in or perpetrate them, and this says nothing about your morals or if it’s even correct, but better to ask and explore just in case rather than assume that no, I’m perfect and infallible, is to get pissed, and scream about how it’s everyone else that’s the problem or it’s some ploy to persecute you? I don’t mean to blow all the goodwill I spent writing this post but it goes beyond defensive and seems like you’re aware that you have baggage that you don’t want to address because of some misguided sense of integrity.

[tidaltow]

Okay. Here we go. Now we’re getting somewhere.

All Step Two entailed was not completely screwing this up and landing them back at square one. Piece of cake, right—? Maybe as long as Percy pretended he had this totally under control, the situation would continue to be tricked into believing it. . . . That was usually how he did things anyway. (And he was still alive—somehow—so.)

A sort of scoff-laugh met Leo’s initial remark about assumptions. At the back of his mind, he made note (well, really, it was more like underlining a note that was already there) of the way the guy used humor similarly to the way Percy himself used sarcasm. It made things easier. Percy could respect that. You know, in the sense of “We both could probably be doing better than this, but hey! We could also be worse, so who’s upset?” And speaking of pretending, anyway, Leo’s whole Funny Guy gig fell apart pretty fast this time.

Percy heard him out with a new sense of severity. He gave him a break, though, and didn’t stare quite as intensely now that he’d officially gotten his apology out. The least he could do was let Leo breathe for a bit . . . and feel more like this was a friendly encounter, less like it was just another grilling session Percy was sure he was used to.

His attention scanned the surrounding engine room while he listened, silently admiring the work. See, stuff like this—? Percy wouldn’t even know where to begin. Heck, he was pretty sure every person on this ship would have no idea (okay . . . maybe not Annabeth; he wasn’t about to insult her cleverness even in his own head), but here was the boy responsible for something so grand. Yet, despite that pride, he looked so small, anyway. Probably felt it just as much. When his confession came out, Percy slowly glanced back.

“Hey . . . Look, man—” He paused to consider how he wanted to say this next part. “I, uh . . . I can’t pretend to know what exactly your life was like before all this—? But what I can say is that . . . You don’t make things worse.” He wanted to say, I’ve been there. He wanted to say, Guess what? I know what it feels like to be a problem. Trust me. But even with the invitation to make assumptions, Percy held back. Comparing their situations . . . wasn’t the best course of action, he figured. It was like someone saying they’d broken their arm and you swooping in like, Aw, I get it! I got a papercut the other day.

“I dunno. I think you’re a pretty cool dude. No one’s perfect.” He pursed his lips briefly, then quirked a brow with a trace of mischief as he added, “Except maybe Jason, but . . . we can fix that.”

               HE   DIDN'T   LIKE   BEING   UNDER   SUCH   A   STARE.   IT   DIDN'T   help   that   Percy’s   eyes   were   intense,   seeing   more   war   than   any   their   age   should.   It   made   him   feel   like   he   should   run,   made   him   feel   that   he   had   no   business   being   here   on   this   ship   with   them.   Leo   just   wanted   to   run.   He   always   did   when   things   got   too   comfortable   or…   or   too   much.   He   told   himself   he   wouldn’t   run   from   this   life,   from   this   new   home,   and   from   these   friends.   However,   he   might   have   sunk   that   ship   with   the   actions   done   to   New   Rome.   

               Stupid,   stupid,   stupid!

               LEO   COULDN’T   TAKE   IT   ANYMORE,   AND   HE   DROPPED   HIS   GAZE   to   the   floor.   The   action   was   much   like   a   puppy   would   do   when   scolded.   Shame,   guilt,   and   an   understanding   flooded   his   face   despite   his   hardest   to   hide   it.   Leo   had   been   in   these   cases   far   too   many   times   than   he   would   care   to   admit.   The   blame,   the   anger,   and   the   disappointment   all   pointed   at   him.   Why   not?   His   own   family   called   him   a   devil   child.   Wherever   he   went   something   happened   because   he   was   there.   It   was   no   big   deal,   right?   He   was   numb   to   it   all.

               IT   WAS   EASY   TO   KEEP   MOVING,   TO   HIDE   IT   WITH   his   humor,   but   being   here?   Being   here   with   people   who   experienced   similar   situations?   He   couldn’t   hide   very   easily.   Leo   tried   to   run   and   hide.   He   hardly   left   Bunker   Nine   as   he   built   this   ship,   and   even   on   his   masterpiece   Leo   locked   himself   away   in   the   engine   room.   Though,   he   couldn’t   hide   if   someone   sought   him   out   like   Percy   had   done.   It   made   him   want   to   recoil,   to   hide   deeper   into   the   engines.   But,   sadly,   the   truth   was   he   couldn’t   hide   and   run   forever.   

               HIS   SHARP   TONE   MADE   HIM   WINCE,   BUT   HIS   CHOCOLATE   EYES   fell   back   to   the   son   of   the   sea   god.   Leo   tried   to   make   himself   even   smaller,   to   again   hide   in   plain   sight.   Leo   tried   to   find   that   inner   humor,   that   fake   confidence   to   brush   this   incident   off.   He   had   already   let   it   crumble   more   than   he   wished,   and   the   last   thing   he   needed   was   for   everyone   to   know   how   much   Leo   wasn’t   real.   He   wanted   to   do   that,   but   sitting   here   under   Percy’s   gaze   almost   made   it   impossible.   He   felt   safe   here.   Which   was   a   new   feeling.   Leo   wasn’t   so   sure   if   he   liked   it.   

            LIPS   PARTED   TO   SPEAK,   BUT   WHAT   WAS   HE   TO   SAY   to   that?   It   was   common   sense.   It   was   the   truth.   And,   he   was   still   apologizing.   Percy   was   being   honest,   being   real,   and   Leo   felt   pathetic   that   he   couldn’t   pull   himself   together   to   do   the   same.   Leo   almost   felt   cornered.   Not   because   of   Percy,   but   because   of   his   own   self.   He   was   keeping   himself   back   in   this   corner   because   it   was   safe.   Even   made   worse   by   those   words   he   spoke:   You   didn’t   have   anyone   there.   Painfully   he   was   aware   of   that.  

                HE   TOOK   A   BREATH   IN,   AND   HE   LET   THE   BREATH   out,   “   Man,   feel   free   to   make   any   assumptions   about   me.   Of   course,   just   make   sure   they   are   good   ones   next   time?   Being   known   as   the   guy   to   start   World   War   III   isn’t   really   fun,   ”   Leo   smiled,   his   body   relaxing,   and   slowly   trying   to   form   into   the   Leo   everyone   saw   and   knew,   “   Look,   I   just… ”   he   felt   words   fail   him.   Why   couldn’t   he   play   it   cool   with   Percy?   The   demeanor   fell   just   as   quickly   as   he   put   it   up,   “ …I   dunno.   I   appreciate   it,   honestly,   ”   his   whole   body   seemed   to   deflate,   vulnerability   held   out   timidly,   “   I   fix   things—   machines   or   weapons,   but   I   always   make   things   worse   in   anything   else.   ”