#She's not even in my fucking department
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This literally happened to me when I switched over from doing front line clinical care to brass as a trainer. All it truly takes for a bully to stop fucking with you is for you to REFUSE to play the game, so long as you know the rules.
Story time:
First off, I'm a black trans person and have hit every social barrier ever. So I work in mental health, serving the underprivileged and marginalized. I was recruited by our education department because I specialize in DEI/cultural competency/equity and all that and I have loads of lived experience and am an experienced trainer. I'm the second oldest besides the boss (trauma, SA, trafficking, late start in life all that fun stuff). I've been around.
Our DEI head is this black woman with a PhD. She makes 6 figs teaching one class a month on racism to new hires and she fucking sucks at it. As a student I noticed that she's nasty and passive aggressive to non-black students who have questions.
This is Texas. Not all of our employees come from a progressive lifestyle, which is WHY WE'RE DOING THESE CLASSES. She has zero patience for people who aren't on the same level and she focuses only on the black (I.e, her own) experience. She has told light skinned Mexicans that they're white and don't know anything about racism IN FRONT OF CLASS/OTHERS. She doesn't respect time, is often late and keeps us after the end because she talks too much about herself instead of her lecture. She calls out ppl on their phones and makes them stay after class like they're children. She holds court and sops up attention from all the older crying black women who are grateful to see a black female PhD.
She treats my department like her secretaries. Me and the other new girl there (also black) were given tasks by her without any direction whatsoever and when we showed her our work she berated us and said it wasn't what she wanted but also can't tell us what she wants. This happened twice, worse the second time. Mind you, SHE IS NOT IN OUR CHAIN OF COMMAND.
Everyone is terrified of her except for me. I've met her a thousand times in other workplaces, the army, etc. I actually vocally push back against her which she of course doesn't like. Anytime she says something nasty to me in front of the students, no matter how fucking much I want to snatch that shitty looking rat's nest Wendy Williams looking ass orange wig off her head, all I do is smirk at her and sit back with the "act a fool, girl" look on my face. She has NO CLUE HOW TO RESPOND TO THAT. So instead, she goes after my coworker, who is shy and quiet.
I told my boss that she does not come to this job in good faith, she's teaching the OPPOSITE of what our department teaches (She told a bunch of new hires that her PhD gives her zero privilege, I fucking cannot believe this) and that she's screwing with the agency's image and the new hires' understanding of our mission. People that aren't black come away from her classes feeling berated and confused about what they've just learned. She is only talking to people that look like her. Everyone else, she looks at with disdain and ignores.
Sure enough, I shadow one of her stupid classes and one of the new hires has an ABSOLUTE FUCKING meltdown bc white fragility and she feels attacked. I saw it coming from miles away and wanted to pull the girl aside to help before it was too late but it wasn't my class. Anyway the girl leaves to cry.
This woman yells at her down the hallway of the clinic and drags (not literally) her ass back into the classroom to sit while she's sobbing and upset and everyone is staring at her, pissed because she's ignorant. A round table ass whooping on this girl by the enraged POC students ensues and this woman ALLOWS it. She does nothing to return order to the class and this girl is screaming and pointing fingers and becoming a white girl teary eyed mess. I run off to get my boss.
When I teach equity/cultural competency/about racism, my understanding is that there are SOME people who have never sat in one of these classes before; as an instructor my job is to GET THEM THERE. That means not being a cunt because you actually don't know how to teach this topic and being patient with people who come from racist backgrounds but are trying to learn to be better.
Class ends with people extremely upset and retraumatized. I see my boss and say "We need to debrief immediately." This lady follows us into our office and demands to speak with my boss about my coworker (not me?? Even though I talk to her like she's an idiot?) and lied on her, saying she fell asleep twice in the class, reducing her to tears. We're not even students in the class; we're colleagues shadowing. It was a bizarre and transparent way to deflect from the fact that she fucked up BAD.
By now I'm pissed. Nobody should be fucking crying at work because of a colleague and I'm shocked at how my department just watched this and put their heads down, saying "I'm not getting involved." I'm supposed to go debrief with my boss next and this lady walks in and jumps in front of me to say "ACTUALLY I NEED TO TALK TO YOU FIRST (BOSS)"
So then this stupid bitch drags my coworker out to gaslight her into admitting that she was being disrespectful. Then she comes for me, while my friend is sobbing one cube over crying that "she's trying to get me fired." Again, we had been there for 2 weeks.
Boss: *to me* She would like to talk to you next.
Me: Absolutely not. After her conduct in that class and how my coworker just returned from meeting her, the answer is no. I am activated and disturbed by what just happened in her class and need to go home to do self care. I will speak to her at a later date. I want to talk to my boss. I want to talk to YOU.
Boss:...... I will let her know. 😳
What I understand is that she knew I was going to get her in trouble, which is why she panicked and followed us to our closed offices. She's intimidated by me which is pathetic. Aren't you the one with the PhD, ho? She should be mentoring us, but she's threatened by two other black women (I'm a dude but, you know) that are younger and might know more about her shit than she does.
An incident report was filed. I met with HR about her. She's high brass but the evidence (nobody knew I was collecting it as I went) was just BAD, especially for optics. Haven't heard a word from her since. I haven't even seen her schedule a class. All it took was for someone to REFUSE to engage with a workplace bully and she crumbled.
We are no longer in high school. We're grown, work, and pay bills. Absolutely nobody should be talking to you stupid, and if they hold some position of power over you, the best answer is to refuse to play their game. Do the work only and if they want to see you in private, SAY FUCKING NO. You're an adult! If you can't say no, take someone else with you. Record meetings if legal, take notes, date and time them. Don't say shit to them besides hello and goodbye.
really wish i'd figured this out sooner but refusing to capitulate to someone who you know from repeat experience is determined not to respect you whether they understand you or not really is one of the greatest experiences in the world because there is Nothing they can do about it that matters if you refuse to play along and trying to comprehend that is physically painful for them. you get to watch the light go out of their eyes in real time as the cracks begin to form in the tinted glass through which they see the world. power word kill your ego.
#DEI#Equity#cultural competence#workplace bullying#Race/class/gender#I feel better talking about this#Black people tumblr#Also me having to fucking apologize for this bitch when students that witnessed the issue came to me to express how upset they were#She's not even in my fucking department
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JUST LOOK HOW WORRIED MY BABYGIRL IS WTH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#*carly catalogs#the rookie#the rookie s6#lucy chen#chenford#i can physically feel my heart being squeezed together in my chest GOD!!!!!!!!#WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO HER???????????#IS IT 'PICK ON LUCY' SEASON????????????????????????????#BECAUSE MY GIRL CAN'T CATCH THE SLIGHTEST OF BREAKS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST#the whole first part of s6 she was railroaded by the department....#and now she's going through this emotional hell of tim breaking up with her......#even though she was still sticking by his side and never was going to leave.....#and she's still sticking by his side even now.....#OH MY GOD 'ALEXA PLAY I CAN'T STOP LOVING YOU COVERED BY TAYLOR SWIFT'
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thinking about making a pack au where they actually stick closer to hyenas than whatever the fuck they did in that episode
bc uh he-LLO? hyenas are like... one of the BIG popular matriarchal animals and we just acted like xander was all scary now? pshh. I mean he was hyenas are scary but buffy is absolutely highest rank top dog here no wayyy he'd be all scary to her since they're already y'know a "pack" of sorts. like I'm pretty sure he'd still defer to her. plus willow! her making friends with buffy first and just generally being a girl he'd rank below her as well (though I do wonder where his stance with giles would be)
and I get that xander already sorta had a new clan with the other possessed kids but even then why was HE at the top of that hierarchy?? in fact it was so barely structured at all I'm only assuming xander was a high rank bc he's just one of our mains. and the shot of them all walking ofc where he was front and center I can read basic filmmaking choices lol
but also hyenas have FRIENDS! they have cliques and groups within their own clan. isn't that so cool? why did they just disregard xander's friendship with the scoobies? I think the fact xander had friends and quite loyal ones is like important? I mean okay I suppose it's all he's in this clan now he's cut ties with the scoobies, but to me at least I think that's kinda boring haha. though actually even if xander had the support of the scoobies, with how that clan were already a group before xander and not with xander at all, he'd actually probably be like real goddamn low anyways instead of more equal like it was shown
look I really have no idea about any of this I've just been looking up hyena facts for the past hour bc I thought it was neat. I simply think they should've done more with this instead of oo look xander's all feral and evil when they literally chose hyena to be their animal. like ooookay then whateverrrr lame
#they should've just done wolves or smth why the hell did they pick hyenas if they weren't even gonna play with their more unique structure#btw PACK? not CLAN? guys seriously re see above they just wanted to be different while still riding off of wolf girls#buffy IS the leader. highest of the high. top rank here. she's the alpha female since that is apparently what they're called lol#I just don't see why xander would Act like he did in that episode if we we're going off of hyenas and not some other predator#even if we go off the idea he broke ties with the scoobs as outsider females I think both wils and buff r still doing better than him#ANYWAYS. that's my two cents this episode was silly and I wish they'd had more fun playing with the animal they chose#someone with more spotted hyena knowledge should talk to me I'd LOVE to learn more I think these animals are so fucking cool#xander harris#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer#alright I did a little more googling and interesting! xander and wil might outdo buffy in the whole friendship department#so I THINK their clan WOULD have a far more level playing field simply because of how close everyone is. neat neat neat!#but buffy could still kick their asses be fr
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part. I -> II
“It’s beautiful here.” She commented long after the flock of long-tailed tits she entertained had deemed his sudden presence unworthy, and fluttered off home.
She spoke of the ripe peach of a Sharlayan sunset blazing before them. The Dawn Father being laid to rest, he recalled her once saying, in which she described a tale where He died every day just to let the moon breathe, or some such other romantic notions relating to Auri duality.
He replied, “Agreed.” Although the horizon was much too far when everything and more stood right in front of him. The dropping temperature was not what brought him to her side, for lately he found an uncomfortable need to be close, positively overwhelming in its insistence.
Tsuna turned away from the burning skyline in sensing that his attention had ever been elsewhere. To his surprise, she did not shy away from his sudden proximity. There was a certain delight that a tryst could bring, he knew all too well, and he could feel her basking in the moment in her own reserved way– soaking in the privacy afforded only to them.
She leaned on the parapet. "I'm setting off to Thavnair on the morrow. I… wanted you to know.” Tsuna finally spoke, and he wished she hadn’t.
He frowned at the notion. Her wounds were finally healed, yes, but her orders were still to avoid strenuous exertion. Her aether still remained thin-- much like the rest of her in the past few moons.
“So soon?" He bartered. "You’ve only just been given leave.”
“I cannot stay here any longer while my father is out there,” she sighed deeply, tired. “I need to find him. I need to know he’s alive– that he’s not suffering alone.”
Her father, the proud man he had the displeasure of meeting some time after their initial arrival on Hannish soil would have been truly terrifying in his youth for how their first meeting had been. He was withered now, and moreover wounded during the deluge of Blasphemies that descended upon Thavnair. His wounds could have been mortal before they were separated, although Thancred very much doubted a man so stubborn would succumb to something so base without a fight.
Naturally, he kept those acrid thoughts to himself.
Though her tone certainly had changed, for once she would have cursed her father’s name and all he held dear, and now she would risk life and limb to find him again– having no real blood ties of his own, Thancred almost understood it. Almost.
He reached out to gently tug at her arm, and she twisted to better look at him. “I would go with you.”
Her gaze fell beneath her lashes in challenge, though her barb was dull. “Do you not think I can handle it?”
His brow raised, bemused. “Fresh from your sickbed? Not at all.”
“Gods… Please, Thancred.” Tsuna made an exasperated sound. “I won’t suffer you travelling so far for my personal matters. It will be much easier if I go alone.”
He chuffed, incredulous.
He had gone to the bloody moon for her, to the very ends of the universe and back– attending to her during what would be a quick jaunt to Illsabard paled in comparison, he reasoned. He had made enough trips to and fro that even the aether sickness had dwindled to that of a mild headache. There was nothing stopping him, save for her pride.
“It was my hope that when I said that I would follow you anywhere... that you would believe me.”
He watched in real time as she weighed his word’s worth. The tension slowly but surely released from her shoulders, which eventually led to her concession. He could not help but lose himself when she looked at him so: a gentle smile that bloomed until her eyes creased, twinkling in gratitude.
"You are kind," she said with an edge of defeat. She drew closer, whispering for his ears only. "Much too kind."
She drew his wry smile. "And it will be the end of me someday, I am sure."
He played the role of lover well.
So well that the lines did so often blur, just as they did when he eased fully into her space, openly caging her against the parapet in hopes of capturing some manner of kiss. It was their worst kept secret: something he knew he must cull before it grew out of both their hands, but she reached up to splay fingers on his chest, and he felt himself pull on the leash of his own longing. He moved forward to meet her, aided by her tiptoes.
“Someone might see,” she chided softly against his cheek, yet she lingered.
He hummed in consideration, ultimately finding the notion impossible. They hid it well– in plain sight one night say– though ‘love’ did well in dulling all sense and reason whilst sharpening others. He cared not to check his corners in his eagerness to chase the electric feel of her. She craned to meet him, her breath hitching in anticipation as their lips brushed, noses touching.
“Tsuna dear, I wondered where you had wandered off to after supper." A woman’s voice sounded that did not belong to one of theirs, and he felt the rare prickle of embarrassment trail up the back of his neck.
"... It seems I had no reason to worry.” Ameliance stood before them, looking completely and utterly amused at their expense.
In hindsight, considering he had picked her balcony as the stage for his ignominy it was to be expected. Still, he had thought himself grown out of such foolishness.
Tsuna immediately pushed herself into his chest, gasping in terror, then fell to pudding in his arms once terror gave way to the hot knife of shame.
“Gods– I’m… We weren’t– Lady Ameliance, I–”
Ameliance sidestepped Tsuna’s blathering with grace. “Never did I imagine such an adorable pair of lovebirds would deem it fit to roost.” She looked beside herself with girlish amusement.
Thancred huffed a self-deprecating laugh in extricating himself from the fretful girl. “We were caught up in a bit of bird watching ourselves,” he began, knowing he could not fully bluff his way to innocence. “Might I say, my lady, that you are looking positively radiant this evening–”
Tsuna shot him a glowering look of disgust for his act, though it was simply comical when her face was as red as the horizon. The humiliation, however, was too much for her to bear. With a respectful bow, Tsuna stole from the balcony, falling into a staggered run to where only the Gods knew. Thancred stepped forward, thinking to give chase, but Ameliance kept him rooted by way of her hand.
“Oh dear,” she tutted. “I suppose that’s my fault.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “No. No, the fault lies with me, my lady.”
It seemed, however, his words once again were chosen poorly. Ameliance made a sound of distaste “My dear boy. After all these years, how many times must I ask you to simply call me by my name?”
It was his turn to feel the patronized fool. He felt himself founder, jaw wagging in vain until he could think of a clever response. No matter how many times she called him family, he could not help but shy from it. He cleared his throat, and reeled himself back in…
“Aye. Of course. Ameliance,” he opened his arms in concession, though his shoulders sagged for it.
She finally burst into laughter, entirely of his chagrin. “That's better, much better! Though you still think you can simply sweet talk your way out of everything, I see.”
“Lost my touch, you think?”
“To lose insinuates that you had it from the beginning.”
He winced. Touché. “Then I will speak plain: my sore lapse in judgement notwithstanding, I ask only for your confidence.”
“A secret, is it?” she asked, tapping the corner of her mouth in thought. Her expression suddenly wizened, and he knew it to be the precursor to something he did not wish to hear. Finally, she cocked her head. “I see. You’ve fallen for her.”
His eyes widened at her assumption. “No. Gods no,” he forced a laugh. “Nothing of the sort.” His unsteady gaze fell instead to the darkening skyline. It was an infatuation-- just one of many.
He could feel her silent judgement, though he did not rise to refute it. Her expression changed slowly into one of concern. “I suppose I could give you my word… however– and you must excuse me for my eavesdropping– but what was all that nonsense about leaving?”
Thancred opened his mouth to apprise her, though he wished he were not the one to parrot it. Tsuna had run off before she could explain, and he only hoped she did not pack up and leave for the Aetheryte without him whilst he was trapped between the proverbial rock and hard place.
“Twelve preserve. You know she is not fully well.” He was gladdened when she reached the self-same conclusion. "See to it that you tend to her."
“I will. If she were to have me... And even if she won't." He was not above tailing her from the shadows if it meant her safe return.
Ameliance hummed, making a curious sound of appraisal whilst also looking fit to spill all sorts of secrets from his past and maybe even some of her own– and he sorely hoped it was the latter.
“You know, Thancred, dear. I believe that’s called love.”
#my writing (derogatory)#yay hot off the press and oh so nonsensical#welcome to the department of redundancy department etcetc#anyway. I gotta gpose the few kisses they get while I can still use these horns#'but xoe they didn't even kiss in this one' haha....... yeah........#I really like ameliance tho I want them to talk more#if you want to consider him adopted by Louisoix then technically he is Fourcheese's brother and i fucked myself up thinking about that toda#do you think she thinks of him as a brother in law#more weird thoughts brought to you by me#he is so much like fourcheese though... much to think about#gpose
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"work wife"???? But not actual wife??
LOL no not actual wife! Both the work wife and I have actual husbands instead 🤭🤭 And my husband is JUST as crazy as I am and WILL do farther daytrips like the absolute insane mans he is! Which is one of the MANY reasons I married him--his weirdness matches my weirdness 💖💖💖💖💖
As a fun fact, the craziest day trip/road trip we have done: we went to IKEA about two ish hours away. Came home, realized upon unloading new bedframe that he had misplaced his wallet somewhere. So what did we do?
WELL IKEA was closed but you bet your ass we got BACK in the car and drove BACK to the pit stop (an hour?? ish?? away??) that VERY night and checked the trash there and asked the people inside (who were sups friendly! They checked the tapes for us and everything!) if they'd seen it. They hadn't! So, we drove BACK home and the next day, after work, we yeeted ourselves into the car and drove BACK to ikea to see if they had it
AND THEY DID!
He was so relieved and then we had IKEA hot dogs for dinner, his treat bc he had his wallet again 🤭🤭🤭 (they are pretty good but costco ones I think deffs are better!)
BUT YEAH. My actual spouse is just as unhinged as I am and I love him about it 😍😍😍😍😍😍
#dani answers#wizardshark#BUT YEAH!#anyway i get that a lot of people are like 'work spouse culture is literally insane and weird' and that is CORRECT#it CAN BE! and rest assured that we are NOT#tbh a good like 30% of our time spent together is gushing about our spouses lol#anyway she's so fucking cool it's not even funny and when i told her that she was like WHAT i am NOT cool YOU'RE cool#and i was like DING DONG YOU ARE WRONG and then friendship lol#she is very cool tho. she calls richard chard#he and i think it's fucking HILARIOUS#she's so cool and talented and i miss her bc we haven't hung out in like WEEKS bc of the horrors (i keep getting SICK)#and also bc her department moved back to the building they were in post-reno. so we didn't lunch as per the usual bc she was busy aF#and she's going on vacay for like two weeks now#she's so sweet too! she got me skin tone markers for my BDAY! i'd mentioned it off hand once or twice and this bitch REMEMBERED#her husbando is also v funny lol. gr8 cook too! and a gossipy little guy which is HILARIOUS bc so is chard lmao#anyway sorry for going off in the tags!! i have been home sick too long and am LOSING IT#if im not well enough for work tomorrow i'm gonna explode. i cant keep doing NOTHING it's driving me BATTY#(but at least I'm feeling better and resting up and such lol)
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I made the mistake about thinking about the staffing situation at work this morning
#personal whining#i am strait up not having a good time y'all#we have every single person on staff working today#but irs still a dumpster fire#my one coworker with heart disease has been out of it since before lunch#but wont just fucking go home#meanwhile were all scared shes having some kind of cardiac event#we even called the fire department to come check her out#so i guess at least shes not actively having a heart attack#they finally fixed the drivethru window#but the scanner at yhat register isnt working#sovdrive thru is still down#meanwhile im still pissed that corporate somehow thinks we can run a whole ass pharmacy with 4 people
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...
#oh lads. lads. lads. lads. im being sucked back into the world of academia#i dont even kno what happened. a week ago i was crying bc i was like: this is impossible. i simply cannot do this.#and then i went into the lab sunday and miraculously i was able to easily read some papers. like i dont kno how to discribe how baffling it#was. like reading papers is like pulling teeth and this was somehow easy. i think maybe it was bc i let myself get distracted and wander#thru it. and then after that i got so much done this week and i was tired but having fun. and like the thing is: i fucking love evolution#it's like puzzling out the code for life in both a metaphical and literal sense. its fucking incredible. and my project is also very#interesting. if a bit intimidating in its scope. ya kno. just in the way photosynthesis is generally intimidating#but i think i have a strain thats lost chlf which is really interesting and my advisor said we might have the money to try some crispr for#my cyano children. hypothetically. maybe. and i get to do some poking around in genomes. theres so so much to love there#how could i possibly want to do anything else? and yet. and yet. here at the end of the week im so wrung out and i kno i just have to start#again on sunday and i kno im gonna have to step it up in terms of reading if i want to make it through a committee meeting and proposal#defense. not to even mention a comprehensive exam. and what do i get at the end of all this? a lifetime of academia draining my life away.#bc what i do is so academic. so whats the point? its just so frustrating.#and on top of that ive got all this data from my old lab that i kno i have to work on. and i will. i will. but with what time?#anyway the point is. i can see a path forward now where i stay here and decide the pain will be worth it despite not knowing where im going#after that. im just so tried#but right now it feels like im gonna stay until someone kicks me out#but that doesnt exactly make me feel happy. ugh. but if i stay i want to get my old pi to come here and give a seminar. ill warn her how#intimidating the department is tho. we've had 2 talks in the last 2 weeks that were... not good. particularly the one this week#like she couldnt answer a single question they thru at her and didnt seem to kno her data sets. it was hard to watch. anyway. i just want#to see my academic mother again. send me back to the desert! let me rot in a field full of sage#but send me back to the hills of an older mountain range. where i can climb sandstone cliffs and lay in carpets of moss. except i wouldnt do#that bc of all the ticks and threat of lyme disease...#anyway. im still tired. still sad. and there doesnt seem to b a way out#unrelated
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I just realised that I fucking hate my name
like its so fucking girly???? like I get that was the point but REALLY??? THAT FUCKING FEM????
god id rather go by the start of my middle name but the hazbin jokes would make me actually fucking do it bro
or I could change it to something similar and just be a furturama character forever
#ykw if i get called that shit im getting violent#LIKE IM FUCKING SORRY FOR HAVING AN ANGLICISED VERSION WASNT MY FUCKING FAULT I HATE IT TOO!!!#like i hate being called my irl name!!!#i can tolerate it but fuck!!!#and i cant even go by a masc verseion of my name#id rather be called val or fry or smth but im gonna get INSULTED because valentino is a fucking hazbin character and every1 ik has seen it!!#I HATE THIS SHIT!!!!!#WHY COULDBT I HAVE BEEN FUCKING NORMAL!!!#I HATE MYSELF AND EVERYTHING#woah that should have been for the notes app#sorry chat at drama club we had to say where our names come from and i just realised i hated it so fucking much#like this bitch who tried to fucking strangle me has the same one and shes such a bitch about it!!!#and i cant even go by a masc berskon of my name#because#it#doesnt#fucking#EXIST!!!!!#god fucking damn it#oh well#if i get a therapist ill prolly talk to them abt this#i hate myself#anyway sorry about that one#really should have put this in notes but once i get going i really get going#keys speaks#keys speaks of irl#trans#genderfluid#complaints department#vent
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can someone please write this doropetra fashion designer/journalist modern au for me. i spent too long thinking about the devil wears prada today and now i have all the beats mapped out for this story i Do Not have enough time in the world to write.
please help. please. i'll give you everything. all of it. it's all right here. take it. mention me if you swap the names to sell the movie or streaming rights. i just want it to exist.
pitch: dorothea is a hot-nasty fashion mogul and petra is a journalist-turned-reluctant model who captures dorothea's attention (and her heart).
btw this is a Really long post so look out. also i know nothing about the fashion industry and Will Not Learn so don't tell me anything.
setting: various major cities in the USA. NYC, LA, Enbarr (you know, Enbarr, that major city somewhere between florida and texas. we've all been there).
cast
most everybody is in their mid-to-late 20s at the start.
petra: the last journalist with integrity in a world that's actively trying to eliminate journalism as a field. worked her ass off writing listicles and bullshit SEO articles for years until she caught a break and got in with a "Real Publication." she now works her ass off there. unfortunately there's rumors of her team getting laid off due to AI crap so she's stressed af trying to line up her next gig, just in case.
dorothea: hotshot young fashion mogul with a cult of personality around her. was a complete unknown barely out of college when she designed manuela casagranda's absolutely breathtaking met gala dress and her company blew up overnight. now does high-profile lines that are popular with movie star types and bougie social media influencers. notorious for being very, very friendly with her preferred models.
edelgard: petra's finance major/arts minor friend from college and her former roommate. nepo baby with Lots of connections. got petra her first big job writing PR crap for a division of the hresvelg business empire. caused a scandal by getting romantically involved with her TA (byleth) in grad school but they're still together. complains about her PA (hubert) and her lout of a stepbrother (dimitri), both of whom she's constantly texting or otherwise having to corral.
shamir: petra's boss/editor. admires petra's guts and her writing chops, as well as her ambition. somewhat of a mentor to petra, but is absolutely no-nonsense when it comes to work. she's been in this business a long time. there's no fucking around. leonie is another journo on the team. ignatz and linhardt also work with them doing layouts, formatting, and photo/video editing.
manuela: a famous singer from dorothea's hometown who basically adopted dorothea as a protégé after dorothea sent her sketches of designs she'd made. essentially responsible for dorothea's career. they have a bit of a contentious relationship these days as manuela's a bit jealous of dorothea's rising star and because dorothea's been ungrateful in recent years despite how much manuela's stuck her neck out for her. still, she's always there to give dorothea terrible advice when she needs it. her evolving relationship with dorothea is kind of a b-plot.
bernadetta: a reclusive, but well-connected social justice blogger and internet activist. one of petra's good buddies who regularly sends her scoops.
ingrid, ferdinand, sylvain, catherine, felix: models who commonly work with dorothea.
Jeritza: a nobody fashion photographer who thinks he's somebody. he's absolutely awful.
claude and hilda: paparazzi who work for tmz, buzzfeed, whoever will take em. petra thinks they are the scum of the earth. they are.
act 1
we open with petra on yet another bullshit assignment for her crappy job writing articles about things that don't matter. this one is a profile piece about a local fashion photographer, the mononymous Jeritza, who might be somebody someday and seems to think he already is. leonie was supposed to do the article but she flubbed it by offending Jeritza, who now won't give her the time of day, so shamir asks petra to please step in last-minute. petra's mad, but she gets her hustle on and goes anyway. it's not like she can be too picky with gigs in this economy.
by the time she gets to the shoot, she's late, and Jeritza is throwing a tantrum. the model isn't working out. Jeritza cannot work in these conditions. Jeritza fires the model and is about to freak the fuck out when petra walks in the door. oh, Jeritza says. i can work with you. petra did NOT sign up to be a model, has never wanted to be a model, has no interest in this whatsoever. but let's be real: it is a great angle for the piece. this could get clicks. shares, even. so she does it.
the shoot is a massive success, which is to say Jeritza is delighted with the results, but as it's just for a local streetwear company, the impact on culture is negligible. petra writes her article, which gets some attention due to the very funny portrait it paints of the histrionic artiste that is Jeritza. it's not much buzz, but it's just enough buzz to get shared around in fashion circles—enough for it to wind up in dorothea's inbox, courtesy of manuela. "Thought of you!! XD XD This is so funny!!" manuela writes. dorothea replies "lol" and is about to move on with her day when she decides to give the article a courtesy skim and scrolls down far enough to see the pictures.
oh. who is that model?
a few days later, petra's out at a bar getting drinks with edelgard and bitching about life when she gets a call from an unknown number. she figures it's probably spam, but they leave a voicemail. the transcription mentions it's from a dorothea arnault, whoever that is. edelgard almost shits a brick. DOROTHEA ARNAULT? you need to call her back. right now. petra's like okay jeez, i will. what's the big deal. edelgard facepalms. she forgot that petra doesn't follow fashion even a little bit ("isn't the gucci, like, the area between your butthole and your—?" "no petra it is not"). embarrassing for her, but there's no saving some people.
edelgard briefs her on the arnault situation. dorothea's studio is huge right now. edelgard's family business has been sponsoring some of her recent fashion shows and everybody who's anybody is trying to get an arnault outfit for their next event. while dorothea's very popular on social media, she's very tight-lipped about her private life. a profile on her could be a huge break for petra.
okay, petra thinks, what the fuck, okay. i'll call her back.
dorothea picks up on the fifth ring. uh-oh: she sounds hot.
hel-looo, miss macneary, she says, it's nice of you to pick up the phone. i saw that little article you wrote recently. you're sooooo funny. [her voice is sweet and smooth like butter. she sounds like she's twirling her hair as she talks. she doesn't say how she got petra's number. petra doesn't think to ask.] and those photos of you... my, my. you're quite the looker, aren't you? and you don't even model professionally? that's a terrible shame. you'd do well, you know. i'm in berlin right now but i'll be in enbarr's fashion district on tuesday afternoon. why don't you come by the studio? we're doing a shoot for some designs i'm releasing soon... a secret summer collection. oops, i shouldn't have told you about that, should i? well, i'm sure i can trust you to keep my secret. and maybe i could even trust you to write something nice about me? i think they'd suit you, you know, these new pieces i've got. if you have any interest in trying your hand at modeling again, i'd love to see you in them. 11 o'clock. ciao!
petra gets a handful of words in edgewise. most of them are yes. she keeps her phone held to her ear for too long after dorothea hangs up. she wishes she'd been sober for this conversation. she's not really sure what she just agreed to. she doesn't want to forget the sound of that voice.
she shoots a text to shamir. edelgard buys her a shot the instant she steps back into the bar.
tuesday comes and petra's nervous. she packed and repacked for this. checked twenty-five times that she brought her tape recorder and her good camera. arnault is gonna think that camera's a joke, but it is what it is. she's trying to play it cool, hyping herself up the whole time she's on the train. it's gonna be fine. just keep the tape rolling. write the profile. she doesn't have to model, she can just do what she does best. listen. pay attention. write honestly. move on.
sure.
if petra thought dorothea sounded hot, she's wholly unprepared for how hot she is in person. she's spellbinding. drop-dead gorgeous. positively unreal. and on top of that, she's so charming. she's graceful. smart. funny. flirty. and she keeps touching her—little touches on her hand, her arm. chaste things. friendly things. things that could be accidents.
she's exactly petra's type.
but petra is a journalist with integrity, dammit. she's going to be professional. and to her credit, she is professional. arnault makes it hard, but she manages. she blends in, listens, stays focused, stays out of the way. the model's cute—ingrid something-or-other. she can't remember but she got it on the tape recorder. told petra her instagram handle like six times, too, so she won't have any trouble finding her. the shoot is almost wrapped when dorothea asks if petra would be interested in modeling for her. she's not at all offended when petra politely declines. she poses when petra asks to take her photo for the profile. thanks her for coming out and talking to her. says goodbye with a polite handshake and that dazzling smile. she thinks about that smile and that touch throughout the whole train ride home.
skip ahead to friday. petra is working on the story and transcribing the audio recording when she gets a text from dorothea. so lovely meeting you on tuesday [heart emoji] [kiss emoji] [heart emoji] i know it's last minute, but the final pieces of the summer collection are coming in tomorrow and i think you'll like them for your profile. i'll fly you up tomorrow morning to meet me at my studio in manhattan, unless you're busy, of course~
petra is not busy tomorrow. shamir is considering opening a new style division of their publication.
the flight is the train ride but worse. keep the tape rolling, macneary. listen. pay attention. write honestly. move on.
she's resolute. committed. her resolve doesn't waver even when she gets off the plane, ready to call an uber, and there's a guy in a suit with a sign that says MACNEARY on it. it doesn't waver when the guy stops her and says no, he's not looking for another macneary, he's here for her, courtesy of ms. arnault. it doesn't waver throughout the ride—the chauffeured ride, in a fancy car, just her and the guy—from jfk through the streets of nyc, seeing the skyline she's only ever known from movies and on tv. it doesn't waver when she's escorted into a skyscraper in the garment district and guided up to the floor where ms. arnault is waiting for her.
it wavers when she sees her. when dorothea says her model couldn't make it that day and she could really, really use petra's help, it falls completely.
you can guess how the rest of that trip goes. petra barely remembers it herself. she gets back home to enbarr, trying to recover from the whirlwind week she's had by doing what she does best—working. she can scarcely believe any of it was real. she has to believe it when she gets back to her shithole apartment, sets to the task of transcribing the audio from her tape recorder, and realizes it was rolling the whole time.
the whole time.
and there's absolutely no denying any of it after dorothea sends her the photos for her review.
you look so good in these, she tells petra when she sends her the first photoset. i think you look better out of them, she says when she sends the second.
petra considers her options. considers freaking out. considers not replying. considers moving to australia. she considers and reconsiders and does none of those things.
what she does do is send dorothea the audio recording. dorothea sends her some photos of her own.
they meet up again in LA on the day the profile drops.
act 2
if that first week was a whirlwind, the summer is a hurricane. petra's being lauded for the quality of her profile on dorothea, as well as for being the only member of the press who can get close to ms. arnault. it's borderline scandalous, how she's also modeling the summer line despite not even being a real model. it's a thinly-guised affair—almost completely un-guised when their flirting gets a little too overt during a show in tokyo. who cares. petra's entranced. dorothea takes her everywhere, her personal reporter, lavishing her with gifts, showing her the world. she's keeping her busy between all this travel and all this passion. they go to show after show, shoot after shoot; petra works her ass off, keeping the tape rolling, listening, paying attention. so what if she doesn't have time to answer shamir's texts right away the way she normally would. the website's getting more traffic than it ever has, carried by petra's inside scoop on the world of dorothea arnault. shamir can cut her a break.
and she's surprised by how much she likes dorothea. how much she likes spending time with her. dorothea's all the things petra thought she was: glamorous, bubbly, charismatic. but she's also so brilliant, so hard-working, busting her ass every single day of her life. and she's sweet, too. she lavishes petra with attention, gives her all kinds of little gifts and things—nothing too expensive as to make petra uncomfortable (the jetsetting is bad enough as-is), but small, practical things she actually likes and could use. she asks petra about herself almost as often as petra asks questions about her. it's not petra's job to talk beyond getting the conversation flowing, to put more of herself into the discussion than there needs to be to get dorothea to open up. she's here to listen. to pay attention. write honestly and move on.
but she's finding she doesn't really want to move on.
one night they're hanging out in dorothea's fancy hotel room eating room service and drinking wine when dorothea makes a crack about how little petra knows about fashion. petra admits that she really didn't intend to get into it, that it just kind of happened. that what she really wants to do is investigative work, writing about events, exposing corruption, that sort of thing. no offense to dorothea! it's been fun doing this, don't get her wrong, but she's got goals, other things she wants to do—once dorothea gets tired of her, she jokes. sort of jokes. dorothea laughs. she smiles at her and asks why she wanted to be a journalist.
and petra's honest again. honest like she hasn't been before. she tells her a little about her childhood, her family life. about growing up in brigid (you know, the country on planet earth) and moving to enbarr as a teenager after her father died. seeing her super-smart, brilliant mother and grandfather go from these auspicious jobs in their home country to shitty ones that just barely pay the bills here, all in the name of long-term security. how they taught her to work hard and always act with integrity, no matter what she's doing. she tells her about the struggles of learning a new language, how it made her become a good listener, how she fell in love with writing because it gives her time to think about her words, to express herself the way she wants to. she wanted to be a journalist to speak for those who can't raise their voices loud enough on their own.
dorothea smiles at her the whole time she's talking. petra's not used to being on this side of the table, to being listened to like this. she almost doesn't know how to handle it; she's apologizing, feeling embarrassed for having said so much, but dorothea says don't be sorry. that's beautiful. she's lucky to have such wonderful people in her life who love her and support her. and she likes hearing petra talk.
things are different after that night.
act 3
the start of the Drama Arc. the summer's coming to an end. petra and dorothea are still spending so much time together, jetsetting around the world. petra's working on a piece that's a backstage look at the arnault company's leadup to milan fashion week. the stress is getting Real and the cracks are starting to show. petra's missing deadlines, blowing off shamir, blowing off edelgard, blowing off her family. she's barely in enbarr these days, jetlagged to hell, lost between time zones. her pal bernadetta reaches out and says hey, there's something Big i'm working on that i could use help digging into, can you give me a hand? petra says sure, i'll take a look. she doesn't. she forgets somewhere between london and são paolo.
things are still hot between her and dorothea, but she's starting to see the cracks in her, too. she's getting to see more of her, more of what lies beneath all that glam and bubbly personableness. you don't go from being a nobody to a mogul in your 20s by being nice, and what petra slowly discovers is that dorothea isn't just not nice, she is ruthless. she's nonstop, working her ass off, and anyone who can't keep up with her gets left behind. she hints at her past sometimes: at her shitty childhood, at growing up in poverty, at being orphaned, at having spent years in foster care. but she never opens up. she's 100% focused on the future, and it's all she wants to talk about. dorothea wants to live her dreams, yes, but more importantly, her goal is self-preservation.
petra finds this out when they're at a shoot one day. petra's off to the side, fucking with her piece of shit camera when who storms up to her but ingrid, and she's pissed as shit. she chews petra out. calls her an asshole. says she stole her job. asks what the fuck is wrong with her, doing that while posting her articles, publicly announcing to the world that she never even wanted to be a model. petra's floored. she doesn't even know what she's talking about. she asks ingrid to start over.
that "second date" of theirs in manhattan, way back when? turns out dorothea was telling the truth when she said her model couldn't make it that day. ingrid was supposed to be modeling. she was dorothea's #1 for ages. she'd just come off back-to-back-to-back shoots when she got sick, really sick. stuck-in-shanghai-and-probably-not-going-to-be-able-to-board-a-flight-to-manhattan-tomorrow sick. she told dorothea so, said she'd try her best. dorothea said not to bother and didn't call her again.
it'll happen to you, too, ingrid tells petra, once you aren't useful to her. you're giving her all this press now, but if you ever do anything else, she'll drop you like she drops everyone else.
ingrid storms off, leaving petra standing there, holding her stupid camera. she looks at dorothea, standing across the room, running the show, correcting this and that, getting everything perfect, exactly the way she wants it. petra looks at her and wonders. wonders what would happen if she wrote something dorothea didn't like. if somebody new caught her eye.
they get dinner that night and it's tense. dorothea's stressed. she's carrying on about this and that, talking about the shoot, texting and responding to emails, slamming back glass after glass of wine. petra's quiet, letting her talk. too quiet, apparently, because dorothea eventually takes her head out of her phone and asks her what's up. nothing, petra says, just thinking about everything going on, about the shoot today. dorothea rolls her eyes. i know, she says; on top of everything else, ingrid was there, and she wanted to have a whole conversation with me, like i wasn't busy and like she didn't fuck me over the last time i saw her. she texted me earlier, too. the audacity of this bitch, she gripes, going back into her phone, still mad. a little later into dinner, manuela calls and dorothea answers it; she's bubbly and sweet, all hi how are you omg it's been so long, i miss you, sorry i've just been so busy~ i've gotta go but we'll catch up soon. she hangs up and shoots petra a look. she's so needy, dorothea says, laughing. petra tries to laugh too and can't quite manage.
they're still going everywhere together in the leadup to milan fashion week, and petra's still working on the piece, but she's feeling a little gross and she's quieter than ever. she lets herself believe that maybe it's fine, maybe it's okay, maybe she's not really that cold and ruthless. but then dorothea shows her one day.
everything's been going wrong: there's equipment stuck in customs, marketing materials haven't been delivered from the printers yet, the studio they rented for pre-shoots is double-booked. then a model's late to the shoot and another one is complaining and dorothea is done, so done. she fires them on the spot, gets on the phone and calls two new ones who will get the job done and done without question. petra's quiet. listening. paying attention. keeping the tape rolling as dorothea justifies herself aloud, without prompting. don't judge me, she says. i do what i have to do, and everyone else should, too. i know no one is going to take care of me. i've got no reason to take care of anyone else.
she's a mess all night. angry. stressed. shutting herself off. petra's seen her get like this a few times, but this is the worst it's ever been. she's in her phone all night. practically snaps at petra when she asks if she can help her with anything. shrugs away from petra's touch.
they go to bed and petra barely sleeps. she just lies awake, thinking. thinking about dorothea. thinking about herself. thinking about how she's been blowing off her friends, her family, her boss. thinking about how swept up she's been in all this crazy stuff she doesn't even really care about, putting off her own career. feeling guilty about ingrid. feeling guilty about blowing off shamir and bernadetta. worrying about who she's become around this woman. wondering what happened to her integrity.
fashion week goes great. flawlessly. petra heads back to enbarr afterward. she's almost ready to publish her piece, but she's gotta make up with shamir first. she apologizes. says she's so sorry. sorry for blowing her off. sorry she missed her deadlines. shamir is pretty fucking done with her and has told her as much already, but petra's earnest, and her piece is ready, and she wants to give the girl one more shot. she tells petra alright, i'll forgive you, but i need this piece tonight or we're done. i can't keep waiting on you and your schedule.
okay, petra says, you'll have it tonight.
she's worried. nervous. there's so much on her mind. the piece is ready but it's not going to make dorothea happy. she wants to call her first. she tries and gets her voicemail. tries again. nothing. texts her instead, a few times. hey, she writes, i need to talk to you. call me when you get the chance. it's about the profile. it's important. i'm on a deadline.
nothing. the hours are ticking by. she calls her. texts her. it's really important, dorothea. i need you to talk to me. please.
nothing.
petra's left wondering. wondering what to do. whether she should hit send on this email or hold off. wondering what she wants out of this.
and what is this, anyway? a summer fling? are they dating? girlfriends? they've never put a name on anything. do they have a future? can petra even think about building a future with someone she doesn’t trust to keep her along if she ever should need help? maybe dorothea’s hot and smart and maybe she’s got incredible drive but if she doesn't share petra's values, if she’s not going to be able to live for more than herself, and be true to herself, can petra accept that? does dorothea even know herself well enough to be able to be authentic?
time runs out and petra sends her piece to shamir. dorothea leaves her on read.
the piece is published. it's a huge hit, and not just in fashion circles, because it's a perfect portrait of dorothea arnault, and who doesn't love a biography of a wunderkind. it's honest. it's real. it talks about everything: her light, her darkness, the ups and the downs of being with her. it's raw. personal. revealing. it's all her brilliance and all her evils, captured in the way only someone who really loves her could do.
when it drops, petra expects dorothea to call and rip her a new one. she doesn't expect her not to call at all. but dorothea's radio silent. a few days later, some dickhead paparazzi petra has the misfortune of knowing (hilda and claude) send her a picture of dorothea in LA, running around with some red-headed douche (ferdinand).
sorry, dorothea texts her eventually. i've been soooo busy. i've missed you, but we'll catch up soon.
sure, petra writes, knowing they won't. i'll see you soon, she writes, knowing it's goodbye.
act 4
petra goes back to her career. back to her friends. crashes on edelgard's couch for a while. spends time with her family. starts addressing the connections she fucked up, fixing things with shamir, trying to gain momentum again. despite the profile on dorothea being such a success, it takes a long time for her to get back on her feet. but it's okay, 'cause if she's busy, she doesn't have to think about her.
months go by. every couple of nights, dorothea drafts a text to petra and deletes it.
it's february now, which means new york fashion week is here, and although petra is branching into investigative stuff nowadays, shamir calls in a favor and asks her to help cover it. petra knows she might see dorothea there. knows it’s a risk. decides she’s gonna be so strong and brave, and she can’t really afford to pass it up anyway because it’s a big career opportunity, a chance to revisit fashion after her profile last year. so she goes.
and they see each other. and nothing happens. they don't even say hello.
but that night, when petra’s in her hotel room, spiraling, dorothea calls her. she's in a hotel up the street. she asks petra to come over. for all her sense, her morals, her logic, petra is no more than a lesbian, so she says yes.
they don't talk. they jump right to making out sloppy style and fucking nasty and holy shit, it’s just like it was when they first met: hot and intense and so good, so perfect. except it’s not, it’s not, because this isn’t going to work out no matter how much they want it to, and they both know it. they get into a big fight after dorothea makes a crack about the profile and petra loses it. she puts dorothea on blast for being such a piece of work, saying she can’t ever be with her no matter how much she wants to because dorothea won't ever put someone else first and she��ll never figure out how to be anything other than alone.
then petra drops another bomb. over the past few months, she's made up with bernadetta, and it turns out that the big scoop bernie uncovered is about exploitative business practices a certain scummy fashion company engages in. a certain scummy company that dorothea's company is partnered with. said company's dealings wouldn't get their business partners in legal trouble, but public perception would certainly change. she's been working on an exposé about it. she's going to release it soon. really really soon. like as soon as she gets back to enbarr.
dorothea looks like she's been hit by a truck. she begs petra not to release the story about the company. it’s going to fuck her brand. she'll be ruined. she offers petra whatever she wants. gets nasty, even, defensive. then she fucking breaks. she doesn’t fully open up, but it’s the closest she’s ever come to doing it. she says she's sorry, sorry for hurting her, sorry for shutting her out, sorry she cut and ran like she always does when she might catch feels, when she might be vulnerable for once. she says she's sorry and she asks her please, please, not to release the story.
petra doesn’t give her an answer. she just goes back to her hotel.
once she gets back, she doesn't sleep. she stews for ages, pacing, going back and forth, trying to figure out what to do. act with integrity and drop the story as-is. don’t drop the story and protect the person she cares about, in spite of herself. amend the story so maybe dorothea won’t catch heat...? no, that wouldn’t be acting with integrity either. she can’t win either way.
and dorothea’s having a think, too, which is to say she’s a fucking WRECK. realizing how bad she’s fucked up her life. realizing that petra liked her for her. wanted to get to know her for more than her name and her money and her connections. told her things about herself she didn’t even realize were true. and she hurt her at every single turn. for the first time in her life, she had a chance at something real with a good person who really loved her and she fucking blew it. there’s so much dissonance as she tries to defend her own actions to herself and can’t because petra’s wormed her way into her head, the only person who ever Really questioned her, the only person who ever made her question.
she's always figured things out alone. she's always had to figure things out alone. this time, though, dorothea's not sure she can handle it. so she does the only thing she can think to do: she goes to manuela with her tail between her legs. manuela's a little pissy at first as dorothea's been blowing her off for a while now, but she's also worried, because dorothea has never come to her like this. not once. and she's offered for her to, a lot.
when manuela hugs her, dorothea breaks. she ugly-cries into manuela's arms. tells her how bad she's fucked up. how much she hates herself. how sorry she is for being a dickhead when manuela's only ever wanted to be there for her. manuela comforts her. chastises her for being an asshole, yeah, but shores her up, too. tells her if she's really sorry, she'll figure out how to change. tells her that she's there for her, and she'll keep being there for her, so long as she tries. dorothea's blown away. she thought she'd lost her shot at having love in her life, but she was too blind to see there are other types of love she's been shutting herself away from, too.
dorothea leaves manuela's, still feeling like shit, but with plans to get lunch or at least call each week, and with the promise that she's going to do better, be better.
she makes an effort, too. she cuts ties with the skunks. changes her business practices. starts being more charitable, less ruthless, less aggressive. it’s a slog and it sucks and she’s bad at it but fuck she’s going to try. even if petra never takes her back, even if petra just thinks dorothea’s trying to cover her own ass again and protect herself from the impact of the story, it doesn’t matter. she’s going to be better. she’s going to try to do things right, because someone believed in her, someone thought she could be better. and she’d never thought so highly of herself, never thought she could be more until petra came into her life and saw the potential in her.
petra releases the story a week or so later, unrevised. she texts dorothea before she does. says she’s sorry. dorothea says it’s alright. she understands.
the story drops and it’s a clusterfuck. an absolute PR disaster. the scummy company folds overnight. a bunch of related fashion companies, including dorothea’s, are in huge hot water. dorothea’s on the press circuit, doing damage control. petra’s watching an interview with her, listening to her spouting off her PR beats. fully expecting dorothea is going to deny everything, throw everyone she can under the bus to keep her shit afloat. so she just about has a heart attack when dorothea admits she’s fucked up. admits she made the wrong decisions, did stuff she knew was scummy. takes accountability. is honest for once. honest in a way petra didn’t think was even possible for her.
dorothea outlines her plans for how she’s going to be better, the changes her company’s making, how things are going to be different. says she’s making a commitment. if it all folds, so be it. at least she’ll be able to sleep at night.
because capitalism is the way it is, the company doesn’t go under. they’re in the red for a while and the "Controversies" section of her wikipedia page is now significantly longer, but the news cycle goes on and consumers forget and a few months later, pieces from dorothea’s summer line are all the rage with the kids on tiktok. petra’s more than a little bitter about it, but mostly she doesn’t give it any thought. she did her part. wrote honestly. spoke the truth. kept her integrity. she’s become a big name since that scoop, too, with her career really taking off. she's writing books and shit, appearing on tv, what have you, doing the investigative work she's always dreamed of doing.
she’s in london one night on the final leg of a press tour, sitting in her hotel room, when she gets a call.
it’s dorothea. she’s in london too. would petra like to get brunch tomorrow?
yeah she would. bitch loves a mimosa.
they get brunch and it’s tense. they try small talk but don’t really know what to talk about. dorothea makes it more awkward by cracking a joke about petra writing an article about her after this brunch and petra only kind of laughs.
but then dorothea apologizes. earnest. honest. like she’s never been with petra. tells her she’s sorry. tells her how she changed her life and made her think about herself differently, made her think she could be a better person. made her Want to be a better person. convinced her it’d be worthwhile to try. and she has. she’s made so many steps since they last saw each other. doing better. living kinder. living true. says she doesn’t expect anything from petra at all. just wanted to say sorry, and thank you for seeing the best in me.
petra says you’re welcome.
dorothea pays for brunch and they go their separate ways. dorothea holds it together until she gets to her hotel room and then she loses it, bawling her eyes out like she has never ever done, like she’s never let herself do. but it’s okay. she loves petra, that hot journo with the cute accent and more morals than sense, but dorothea knows she doesn’t deserve her, and she’s going to be okay with that. she’s going to live better anyway, for herself, because she’s worth it.
act 5
a year and a half goes by before dorothea and petra run into each other at a formal Thing. they talk, cordial, business-like, just catching up. dorothea makes a crack about the tmz photos of petra with three or four different high-profile supposed gfs over the past year and a half, calling her a heartbreaker. petra laughs, a real laugh. says dorothea's one to talk. asks if she's been keeping up with her? how often does she google her? dorothea says she does it more often than she'd like to admit. petra blushes, laughs again, flattered.
she asks if dorothea's been breaking more hearts lately herself and dorothea says nah. she's been focusing on her business. she's got this non-profit going now too, and it's been taking off. just landed some pretty big investments that will bring arts programs to schools that don't have funding for them. she looks proud of this. she is. she's actually spending more time doing that these days than her fashion stuff, which makes her a little sad, but it's not so bad because it's given her a bit of a mystique: the designer whose work was once Everywhere, now dropping limited release lines every few seasons instead of keeping up with the fast fashion whirlwind. it's different but it's good. she likes it. she's happy.
petra says she's glad to hear that. that she's happy for her. makes a reference to the new line dorothea's rumored to be dropping this fall. dorothea's eyes almost pop out of her head. you know about that? yeah, petra says, i google you. she's known about the non-profit, about everything dorothea's been telling her about. she's a journalist. she likes knowing things. but she likes knowing about her. knowing that she's doing well. and it's really good now, knowing that she's happy. she tells dorothea she's happy for her. that she's proud of her. that she knew she could do it.
dorothea doesn't cry. just says thank you. she gets called away by somebody else, and petra does too, pulled in the opposite direction. dorothea thinks about hugging her first. almost touches her hand. elects not to. says it was good to see her. then they're both whirled elsewhere and they don't see each other again.
but that night when dorothea's in her hotel, she gets a text. it's from petra. would she like to get coffee tomorrow?
FIN
#fe3h#fire emblem#doropetra#dorothea arnault#petra macneary#sterge.rtf#journalist x fashion designer au#long post#thinkin about them girls#wish i could do this idea justice#i just wrote an edeleth fic and Need to get back to hpnd as i miss those fellas#plus there's the matter of old man clod who is the albatross around my neck at this point#but now i've got this doropetra situation on the brain and it's gonna be the death of me.#apologies to arrow and caller as i literally vomited this entire au at them this morning#copy and pasted chunks of this from discord bc i'm lazy and spent Too Fucking Long writing this up anyway#might write the first part as a one-shot for funsies#i like exploring the ruthless side of dorothea. the side of her that is focused wholly on self-preservation#yeah she's funny and flirty and sweet but she's also Very Aware of how the world works and Will get what she wants out of life#also love petra's determination and drive. her self-sacrificing nature#her integrity and her commitment to doing the right thing even if it's devastating for her personally#as y'all will eventually find out in hpnd i'm a sucker for a journalist#but even if i had time i could not be arsed to learn enough about the fashion industry to do this justice#realistically this is far enough departed to be its own book but what do i care. i'm not gonna end up actually writing the thing anyway
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adult adhd clinic attempting to be relatable by not reading my fucking emails
#hse please... please... please....#@irelanders you guys need to go into healthcare pleeeease for me#my psych w the adult adhd department is the same as the psych for my college#and at my college she works for an hour and a half a WEEK#which tbh explains her just throwing meds at me and not giving me much info. but like. i dont think htats how youre supposed to do that#they werent lying that health services executive can understaffed#no wonder nobody is working there it has such a shit name. couldnt even fit éireann into the E spot?#hse is a fine abbreviation until u learn it stands for fuck all
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ily bakugou katsuki u are the only thing that hasn't pissed me off today
#today i was basically told that i have to take all of my breaks at work back to back to back within one hour two hours after i clock in#which means that i don't get a break at all later during the night so i don't fucking Want that but i have no other choice because#i'm basically being cornered into doing it by one of the managers who texted my department lead and said i tried to get someone to#cover me for my break at “almost 7 when everyone is going home” which is a fucking lie i asked at 6#who the fuck wants to take all of their breaks in one hour two hours after they start their eight hour shift#i asked for someone to cover me at 6 because i had to use the bathroom really fucking badly and she was like#“why didn't you take them while the midshift was here” the midshift has a three hour overlap with my shift and i have to be clocked in#for at least two hours before i take any breaks at all and i don't want to take all of my breaks at once that soon#ONE HOUR BEFORE MY COWORKER LEAVES#and like we both have stuff to do????#all three breaks two hours into my shift then nothing for the next six fucking hours funniest joke i've ever heard in my entire life#except it's not a joke because it's from a manager so if i don't do this stupid ass shit i could get disciplined or fired#because they don't want to send anyone to cover for me#you know what's even funnier? i am the ONLY PERSON scheduled for these fucking 2-10 shifts except for our full time guy#my other coworkers? 4-10. i don't want this fucking 2-10 shift get me the fuck OFF OF IT#EATS MY ENTIRE FUCKING DAY#i woke up at 8:30am this morning and it still felt like my entire goddamn day was stolen from me because i wake up have time to myself for#about 5 hours out of my whole day then i have to get ready and get my ass to work until the end of the fucking day#tag rant#tag vent#bakugou katsuki#i feel like this is something i should call my union rep about but idk
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Here *throws random and actually much more important than I realised at first OC redesign at you after two and a half years since the OG*
Meifeng, Ming-Hua’s cousin! I just randomly remembered that she exists while putting together my OC family tree and since the only art I have of her is… nearly 3 years old and mediocre at best, and Kat and I have recently spent so much time focusing on Red Lotus siblings, I thought “Hey, why not redraw her? Just because she’s a cousin and not a sister doesn’t make her any less special than Lien-Hua, Summiya, Aiza or Haya!” (On that note… Nia give someone a brother challenge. The only one that counts is Aiza and she’s only a brother half the time)
Some headcanons about her, both new and old (the old copy-pasted over and slightly edited to save everyone the second hand embarrassment of going to look at my old art), which will go under the cut because this has gotten LONG:
Old:
Older than Ming-Hua by around 10 years
Her dad is the older half-brother of Ming-Hua's mom who’s… not the most fond of their side of the family
Has never left her home in the Foggy Swamp Water Tribe
Master healer, specialises in children. Can't have any of her own because of the high pollution levels in the swamp which is why she puts all those motherly instincts into teaching and caring for kids
Got a scar on her leg while saving Ming-Hua from some wild swamp creature when the latter was a child who was absolutely convinced she could handle everything herself and never listened to anyone. Ming-Hua still insists she had everything under control that day
She tried to understand Ming-Hua's perspective on things, she really did, but ultimately tribe mentality and fear for her cousin’s safety, believing her not to be nearly as capable as she claims to be, won over
Attempted to stop Ming-Hua from running away but was, obviously, unsuccessful
Was the one consoling Nuying after Ming-Hua left
Helped Suiren learn waterbending and held genuine affection for the girl, although she ultimately refused when Suiren begged for the chance for her and Midori to escape from Haya and live with the tribe. She thought that while Suiren would most likely adjust well, Midori was simply too Gaoling to survive in a place as dark, damp and isolated as the Swamp. She regrets that decision every day since she found out Suiren became an assassin
Mourned Ming-Hua more than anyone else in the tribe when informed of her death
New:
Was the one who babysat Ming-Hua a lot when Nuying was going through one of her depressive episodes after Cadeo left, and Ming-Hua actually enjoyed spending time with her because she was a lot less overbearing and protective than her mother. Was the first person to start calling her Ming. Sometimes Ming-Ming, but Ming-Hua had a tendency to deliver a very hard kick to the shins every time she tried that
Never left Nuying’s side when she got sick in the years following Ming-Hua’s disappearance, no matter how much everyone, including her own father, told her to stay away, there’s nothing she can do to help her. In her final moments, Nuying was delirious with fever and called out for Ming-Hua. Meifeng didn’t have the heart to remind her that her daughter left so instead let her hair down, covered her own hand in water and told Nuying that she was “right here, mom. I’m right here” and stayed like that until Nuying passed
When Ming-Hua returned, Meifeng was the one to break the news to her. Later, when Ming-Hua asked how and when it happened, she couldn’t quite stop herself from snapping at her because she should have been there, Meifeng shouldn’t have had to pretend to be her so her mother could die without worrying about where her daughter was. Their relationship never really fully recovered after that fight
Still, she had met Suiren when she was little on the rare occasions when the Red Lotus passed through the Swamp and Ming-Hua chose to take her daughter to visit the tribe. She never met Midori, but she did see Ming-Hua pregnant with her once
Didn’t know about Ming-Hua’s imprisonment until an 11-year-old Suiren told her because world news don’t reach into the heart of the Swamp. She just thought they had decided to stop visiting. The news crushed her but… a part of her couldn’t help but go “you should have fucking listened to me when I told you to stay, then this wouldn’t have happened”
Her teaching Suiren waterbending involved mostly the basics of combat (she herself doesn’t know much of it since she’s a healer), plantbending and healing. Suiren reached her level of mastery and proficiency as well as figured out icebending on her own through sheer determination and spite (she’s so much like her mama 🥹🥹🥹)
Is the only one from the tribe Suiren had ever confessed to about being an assassin. That knowledge broke her heart and she spent all those years absolutely terrified that Suiren would meet Ming-Hua’s fate. When Suiren stopped visiting at one point (when she left for her mission to kill Kuvira, got injured, recovered at ATI, reunited with her parents, broke Kuvira out and started living with her, etc etc) she had assumed that it really did happen, until Suiren randomly showed up one day with Kuvira in tow (Meifeng did not approve bc of the whole spirit vine thing 😅)
Absolutely reunited with Ming-Hua at some point and it was an extremely emotional moment
Ripped Cadeo a new one when he suddenly appeared looking for his daughter after 45+ years after it became common knowledge that the RL are all alive and no longer wanted by the law
All in all… quite an interesting character that I really should do something with at some point, bc how come Ming-Hua’s family is the only one to get 0 attention in our discussions?? #justiceformeifeng2024
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original character#seeds of the red lotus#sotrl meifeng#she doesn’t actually appear in any of my works. let alone sotrl. but she exists in that verse#and it’s the verse in which she plays the most major role so… that’s what her tag is now#anyway#it doesn’t seem that way but she really is a very emotionally conflicting character for me#because she was in the position to get Suiren and Midori away from Haya only four years after they were left with her#which would have left them with 75% less trauma#but she didn’t. coming up with quite a bullshit excuse#yes Midori would have missed the sun and everything but the swamp is still miles better than Haya#meifeng must have seen his skittish Suiren is. how skinny. how bruised#and yet she did nothing. yet another adult whose inaction led to tragedy#ugh. imagine a UtOS-style au where she does take them in and while the biggest obstacle is the trauma#Midori does have an insanely hard time adjusting#she’d probably spend most of her time by the giant tree because the sun gets through there#and maybe one day.. she’d run into one cranky old earthbender#who takes her up as a protege for old times’ sake#(and later hooks her up with her granddaughter– WHO SAID THAT??)#and Suiren would grow up to be a swamp warrior who decides to go after Kuvira when she harvests the spirit vines#I’m a fucking genius#Kat if you’re reading this. look at what fun new branch of the multiverse my brain just spat out!! come yell about it with me!!!#but okay. that is currently besides the point. back to meifeng#you know…#‘oh my art has really stagnated I feel like I haven’t improved in years’#BITCH THIS YOU?? look at the OG version and look at this and TELL ME you haven’t improved#my self hatred may be intense but even I can admit that I’ve gotten much better at drawing. in the character design department at least
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just realized that the World Ending Oopsies started in... bioengineering. which is presumably not where the main reactor is. that would be... where the pod is, which is powered by...
... so! The printing pod caused the fUCKIGN apocalypse huh. Thats. Damn. what the fuck. And that angel of death is just sitting right in the middle of the base huh. olivia is trapped within the shell of humanity's killer.
what the fuck
YESSSSS I can't believe I forgot to bring that up before, and considering that that log is Always obtained by examining the main printing pod (aka Olivia herself) it can be very confidently said that yes, the world probably did indeed end because of her new shell </3
#rat rambles#oni posting#just another fun fucked up layer to olivia's role as the main character of a tragedy story#I do indeed have hashtag thoughts abt all of this but my brain is melted pretty bad rn so I wont force myself to try to word them dhdkhdj#olivia is just going through layers upon layers of fucked up shit and thats why she appeals to me so#and the way she probably put two and two together at some point. tee hee.#she doesnt even know that shes not even just a ticking time bomb shes one thats gone off before#this whole thing also adds a new lense on a lot of the ruins setpieces as most of them are likely from the biology department#which is likely why theres critters everywhere and neural vaculators and the like#most of the planetoids are likely pieces of the bioengineering department#not all of them ofc jackies office is a set piece for example and chances are the devs didn't even intend that but its still a cool hc
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#ttpd#taylor swift#the tortured poets department#all the back covers combined#ive spent 70 dollars on this gd album and will probably spend more#(4 different cds)#taylor please don't make me pay 6 dollars for shipping each time when i bought 4 of basically the same thing#and they're all cominng at the same time#especially bc im just gonna have to throw away the packaging bc it sure as shit isn't recyclable in my area#being a taylor swift fan has drastically increased my carbon footprint#and decreased my bank accounts#not even that excited about this new track i just have to collect them all at this point#anyway i was wondering if you put all the back covers together they would fill in each others gaps and spell something#but i dont think they do#looks cool though#fuck capitalism and my goblin urge#how many more if these are there? im both excited and filled with dread#i dont want to spend 25+ USD for 16 of the same tracks and one new one x more times#she anounced it on the 4th#which was 19 days ago#and made 2 new variations#so thats like 1 every 10 days#until april 19th#god i hate capitalism#girl you're a billionaire donate this at the very fucking least
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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god i hate working a two person job being someone who doesn't miss or forget a thing with my coworker who idgafing through her life bc the way it hurts my pride when i have to also bear the burden of her not doing the job properly
#and my head of department just texted me likee well please be more careful next time (both of us)#and theres no way to just straight up tell him that i am always careful and i was not even there when that happened#well i still said that as carefully worded as possible bc theres no way im taking the blame for being careless#but i just hate it so much bc i always make sure everything is going properly i feel like im this girl's second team lead for fucks sake#i had a day off yesterday and just clocked in today and immediately have to listen how we didn't see important tasks#well there is no we actually i am fighting for my life#tbh this is such a minor unfairness but it still makes me feel million years worth of rage#and the situation at my mom's work is way more unfair to her genuinely i can't imagine how she is able to push through it#it's unrelated but it just crossed my mind. actually even with my shit coworker i am at least treated fairly in the eyes of my team lead#00
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