#She throws herself into her work to try and cope and when that works she finds a way to functionally kill herself without losing her job-

[inkperch]

I really wish modern aus would acknowledge that there's no universe where Scara was planned, the closest human equivalent to his messy origins imho is 'Ei went on a year long bender to try and cope with her sisters death, ended it with a baby and no clue who the father is'

[sassmill]

I just want to be allowed to scream at my sister the way she screams at me. I want to be allowed to slam doors and throw things and break things. I want to be allowed to react to the way she treats us and not be called selfish.

[chisatowo]

Finally developing random card au Hagumi and hoooo boy I am so sorry bestie

[caraphernellie]

⟢ long blurb; marking ellie in hickeys + dry humping on her lap┆eighteen plus interactions only.

her (attempted) cool composure just dies the second you escalate things. when you leave her lips cold and unkissed, she almost thinks she's been cockblocked—until you clamber onto her lap. ellie's hands move to your hips, timidly abstaining from pinching too tight. wide eyes gazing up at you like you are a heavenly being, she adjusts into a comfortable manspread where you are perched. she is an utter fucking loser, not an inexperienced one, but simply, she's whipped. she becomes fully entranced by anything you do—'how did i manage to pull someone like this?'

she is startled when you latch onto her neck. lips soft as a cushion, christening her skin with their love. her neck, which is deeply sensitive. the soft exhalation through your nose tickles her, makes her huff an awkward chuckle out and try—try, to nudge you away. but you cannot resist the tempting area. nosing into the crook of ellie's neck, first leaving wet kisses along the side. she copes with this until you add teeth into the mix.

it is the saccharine whimper falling from her lips that makes you smile against her skin. sucking the flesh into your mouth, feeling ellie readjusting in her seat. forgetting your place on her lap, she bounces her knee restlessly, gasping when the movement hardens your bite.

"fuck, babe, wait—" she tightens her hands at your waist for dear life, and you pull away momentarily. she swallows thickly, throat bobbing as she begins to speak again, "you're leaving marks."

"i know," you murmur. ellie catches you rolling your eyes, tries to speak, but is cut off with a grunt. your mouth is on her neck again, tasting the salt of her skin with fluttering eyes. ellie has never let you near her neck, citing the overly-ticklish nature of it as the reason why. tch, definitely not because it makes her wetter than a waterhole.

that expanse of pale skin has taunted and tempted you for what feels like an eternity. you work diligently on her throat, desperate to paint her in cardinal spots. call it payback for the times she has done this to you.

she is biting her lip to conceal all noise. and struggling. without sparing a thought to it, she bucks her hips up against you, and with her hands planted firmly on your hips, she's pushing you downward. "you're lucky i like you, y'know. preying on my fucking weaknesses, you're not cool."

awh, and she's grumbly, throwing herself a pity party. but of course, that begs the question as to why she hasn't shoved you off. she isn't the greatest actress by any means, pretending to be annoyed despite her guiding your hips in tandem with her own rolling body, the constant gasps that filter through her bitten lips. she loves this as much as you.

[letternotekisses]

ok but saucy thoughts aside im talkin bout talon assistant reader genuinely being cute and silly with her agents:

Moira more often than not lets you eat your lunch in her lab provided that none of it comes in contact with her projects. She was hyper focused - her perfectly manicured nails holding still a tawny brown ball of fur, adorned with a baby pink button nose that sniffled the air hesitantly. You’d practically squealed when she raised a needle to the poor thing, and she quirked a brow when you hurried over to clutch the animal to your chest.

Moira appeared unimpressed with you. Her angular chin upturned as she peered down at you, baby talking the rabbit she had planned to test on. You looked up at her with eyes big and watery enough to rival the little creatures, and she sighed dramatically. The geneticist had a feeling that wrangling the critter out of your arms wouldn’t be so easy now that you’d seen what plans she had for it.

So that is how Lucky came to be. Despite Moira’s cold disposition, she enjoyed your company, and would like you to continue body doubling with her whilst she worked. The only way not to send you fleeing from her lab in tears, clutching the rabbit to your chest, was to keep it around. It has its own little space laden with toys and plush surfaces - a rather spoiled little animal.

Moira allowed the rabbit to stay, under the one condition that she name it. She’ll never tell you why, but she named the little guy Lucky because not only was he ‘lucky’ to avoid her experiments that day - he also gives you more excuses to come into her lab - and she feels ever so lucky for it.

Sombra finds unique methods to get your attention. She lurks around the base almost as well as Gabe does, but she’s not necessarily doing it to be broody. She can get greedy with your attention, so she finds ways to lure you off base so that she can have you all to herself for a little bit.

Sombra often hacks into Akande’s email to send you on faux errand runs, just for little things like coffee where she can swoop in for some quality time. And don’t worry, she pays for the dates and ensures you’re back on base by the time your break is finished.

Sombra also leaves little gifts where she thinks you might find them. Although, they’re never really that little. You’re always taken aback by new, expensive top-range electronics laden in purple ribbon on your desk. You know who leaves them, because they’re backed up with the best firewalls around and the display has a tiny purple skull on it.

Sometimes she just straight deposits thousands into your account. As a treat. Sombra only rolls her eyes when you try to decline the amount, flustered and telling her that it’s ’way too much’ but she honestly couldn’t care less. She’s perfectly able to spoil you and that’s exactly what she’ll do.

Reaper likes to play off that he doesn’t enjoy your company (he’s coping) but he’s also always skulking wherever you’ve been. You’re a bit of a yapper, especially when it’s early mornings in the Talon communal area, so he likes to sit and listen to you. If you stagger whilst talking because you think he isn’t listening, he’ll give you a stare so hard that you swear you can feel it through his mask. So you keep talking and his shoulders sag with contentment once more. (He now knows every single type of coffee you like, and you should expect a mysterious package of literally all of them in the kitchen next week.)

He’s a grump, and sulked for an entire week when you once changed your perfume. Reaper even went to lengths to shadow-step into your room to throw the new one out and replace it with a fresh bottle of your old one. It wasn’t cheap, but as long as you keep using it, he’s happy to buy them for you.

He’s also happy to scare off any of the overconfident Talon grunts who think you’re easy pickings. In fact, I’d say he takes great pleasure in showing those idiots who the pretty secretary belongs to. (He’s been doing this behind your back because he’s too edgy and emo to approach you directly and would rather trail you in the corridors like some sort of creep, but he means well.)

Reaper gets a little jealous over your attention from time to time, but with help from his unorthodox teammates (and you) he learns to share.

Amelie is slower to approach, but she’s all the more meaningful when she does. She may not be able to feel, but she more than just tolerates your company. She finds herself inviting you over for bottles of wine more often, showing you her manor and her dear guard hounds who’ve come to be much too gentle under your affections. Yet, she can’t find it in herself to blame you.

You show her simplicity in a blank and cold world - and soon enough her manor grows less full of cobwebs and vines, instead beaming with sunlight and the tiny succulents you’d gifted her with. You won’t replace Gerard, but Amelie still lets you dust off the weathered picture frames as if you’d been married together in this old house for years.

You help manage her hair, winding long and silky strands between your fingers, brushing against the elegant slope of her back. She welcomes your touch, despite the warm and cold contrast of your skin on hers.

Amelie craves the casual and domestic intimacy you provide her. She introduces you to self defence and gun wielding so you can take care of yourself without her, and you introduce her to reality tv and an absurd collection of coffee mugs. She would not take it any other way.

Sigma’s musings start small when he hears you humming a certain tune one day. It’s catchy, likely a pop song you’d heard on the radio whilst on your way to work, or maybe it was a song you’d been blasting in your bedroom the night before? He’d found himself picking up on it, unable to shake it until he’s humming it himself.

Eventually when you sit down with him for tea, he questions you about it, yet when you tell him the name of the song and he listens to it, he doesn’t necessarily feel the same pull.

The next week, when you’re passing by his lab in a hurry, heels clacking against the glossy wooden floor and papers flying in a trail behind you, he catches you humming another song. Another tune. He smiles softly to himself, picking up the documents you’d left behind.

Sigma realises then that the song wasn’t necessarily catchy enough to stick with him. He’d only picked them up because they reminded him of you.

Mauga is always excited to have you around. Sometimes he can be a bit much, but with two hearts he’s bound to have twice your energy. So that’s why he absolutely insists that you sit on his back whilst he does pushups. No matter what you weigh he’s not gonna break a sweat, so you might as-well relax on his back while he works out, instead of wasting precious quality time you could have together.

He’d suggested that you sit on other things too, but you’d smacked his bicep hard enough that the muscle rippled and he got the message to behave. You were still sore from the last time he said that.

Mauga also is a big cuddler, meaning, if you’re doing something he doesn’t deem as important, you’re being quite literally swept off your feet and dumped onto a soft surface like a wet kitten. Where he then hauls you onto his chest and squishes your face into his bicep, unfortunately for you, two hearts means he runs WARM. And you’re out like a light in less than 10. Smug bastard.

Big dude loves to show you off, too. Takes you back to some of his old haunts (pays for all of your drinks) and puts a song he knows you like on the jukebox. Sure, the night ends in a bar fight, a back-alley fuck and the worst take out you’ve had in your life, but would you have it any other way? Absolutely-fuckin-not.

And finally, the big boss of them all, Akande. Who’s satisfied with the knowledge that each of his subordinates treat you well and good, but knows he holds the ultimate claim. He holds the golden chain of your leash.

He treats you softly, like a well pampered pet all trussed up in the finest materials around. But it’s not always money with him. Sure, Akande has it, and he’s gonna flaunt it, maybe stuff a few bills in your panties when you least expect it but he also knows you’re not just a pretty face. Both he and his top agents have become adjusted to you in their lives, morale is high, people have improved.

You’re here to stay, and it’s only locked into place when he awakes one morning, your legs are tangled underneath satin sheets, and you’re drooling on his bare chest. He laughs - a deep rumble that shakes his chest and has you groaning at him to stop moving in a sweet, sleep addled mumble. You even give him a little kick under the covers.

Akande makes sure you’ll never want nor need again, and he’s sure that his team feel the same way about this odd, sweet assistant that stumbled into their lives.

[mustainegf]

Hi! So I was having thoughts and was thinking about Older James with a younger girlfriend. So pretty much, it’s that time of the month for her and she wasn’t used to her boyfriends caring much or taking care of her so she never really mentioned it to James and kept quite about it. James always knew about it and was sweet with her but never pushed to much with it when he saw that she seemed to handle it ok for herself until one month it’s a lot worse than normal and no matter how hard she tries to hide it and just starts taking care of her completely no matter how much she argued it. Running her a bath, rubbing her tummy, holding her, just fluff in general.

Having feels right now and need some fluff with older James🥹

I love this sweet old man so much

𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 𝐀𝐒 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃𝐒 ²⁰²³

The first time it clicked that James knew about my cycle, it was a second where you catch someone out of the corner of your eye and they're just looking at you with that half grin, like they're in on some big secret. I'd been digging through my purse, trying to find a tampon discreetly while we were out at dinner. James didn't say anything, just continued talking to me about the tour they'd just finished up with in that aged, endearing voice.

I remembered how my breath glued to my throat the instant his hand slid across the table to cover mine. "Baby, it's okay," he'd smiled, almost too casually. I'd blinked at him, my hand stuck mid search. He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze while his thumb brushed against the back of my hand with a nod.

I nodded back, mostly because I didn't know what else to do. My exes never discussed this stuff. They didn't even notice, or if they did, they pretended they didn't. I was used to dealing with this stuff on my own. I'd learned to be discreet about it, to cope with the cramps, mood swings all without making a fuss.

James was different, though.

He never pushed it, never made a big deal out of it, but somehow, he was always there. A heating pad would appear in bed, or he'd send me a text asking if I needed anything from the store, throwing in a stupid little winking emoji that always made me giggle at how much of a sweet old man he was. And it worked for us. I mean, I didn't want him to see me as weak or needy.

My period hit like a punch, a blow that felt unrecoverable. From the instant I woke up, I knew it was going to be a bad day. These cramps were sharper, aching, tugging and eating at my lower back. My head was pounding, and even the thought of food made my stomach churn.

I decided to try and soldier through it like I always did, not wanting to burden James with my misery, but every movement seemed to make it worse. By mid morning, maybe 10AM, I was curled up on the couch, clutching a pillow to my abdomen wondering if maybe the devil would let me sell my soul to get rid of these horrid periods.

I didn't even hear James come in. One minute, I was alone in the living room, the next his shadow draped over me. I opened my eyes enough to see him there, his aged face was sunken with worry for me, his white eyebrows quirked in curiosity.

"You look sick, baby," he cooed softly, kneeling beside the couch. His hand came up to brush the hair out of my face and then warmly kiss my forehead.

"I'm fine," I lied, my voice the weakest it's ever sounded. "Just tired."

"Yeah? And how long have you been lying here?"

I shrugged, not exactly wanting to answer. "Awhile.. It's just…you know, that time."

His face switched from worry to empathy, and he nodded like he understood, which of course he did. I should have known better than to think I could hide this from him of all people. But instead of leaving it at that like he usually did, he pressed his lips together in that way that meant he was deep in thought, "Why don't you let me take care of you today, sweet thing?"

I wanted to debate him, to tell him I didn't need taking care of, to tell him I could handle it myself. But before the words could leave my lips, he was already easing the pillow out of my grasp and sliding his hands under me, and lifting me up into his arms. He didn't even sigh at the weight, it was that simple for him to just lift me.

"James—" I began, but he just shook his head.

"Shh... I got cha," he whispered, tucking me against his chest. James took me down the hall, my face cuddling into the tattoos on his flexing arms. I was too tired, too sore, to fight him on it. and deep down, I wanted this.

As we entered the bathroom, I could already hear him running the bath, steam rising from the tub and beckoning me in. He set me down on the edge of the tub and his hands stuck on my shoulders for a second whilst he crouched down in front of me. "Just relax, okay sweetheart? Let me take care of my girl."

Protests died on my lips as I looked into his soft blue eyes. There wasn't a shred of pity there, no frustration. Only love.

So I nodded, biting my lip to keep from tearing up. It wasn't that I was sad, not really. It was just… overwhelming in the best way, to have someone care this much. In a way nobody else had before.

James helped me undress, his touch so gentle. I felt incredibly embarrassed to take off my underwear and pad, but James was completely unfazed. I think he could see my discomfort as i stepped out of the undergarment, doing my best to keep my les clamped together. "it's okay, I'll deal with it. Don't be embarrassed." he whispered with a kiss to my forehead.

When I was finally in the tub, the hot water sucked out some of my uncomfort. James sat down on the floor beside the tub, one hand whisking lazily through the water. He would gently pull his hand from the water, thick fingertips dripping with warm water, before the back of his fingers found my shoulders, which weren't fully submerged. He trailed warm water over my skin, forcing a sigh from my lips

"Feel better?" he whispered.

I nodded, closing my eyes and leaning back against the cool porcelain. "Yeah... Thank you, Jamie..."

With James, it was different. Maybe because he was older, but he understood how to take care of me better than any man ever had.

After a short while, he stood up and reached onto the rack for a towel, and then slung it over his arm like some kind of butler, which brought me a small smile. "C'mon, let's get you dried off, love."

I let him help me out of the tub, my body heavier than it should have been. He wrapped the towel around me, carefully drying me, even between my legs, telling me not to think about the towel, ad that he'd wash it.

I looked to the counter and saw that he'd gotten my favorite pajama pants, and a shirt of his for me to wear, as well as a fresh pair of underwear with a new pad. Holy shit, he was a sweetheart. Any woman would swoon for this.

James carefully helped me into the clothes and brushed my wet hair before gently leading me to bed. Silently, James pulled back the covers on the bed and nudged me onto the mattress. He tucked the blankets around me and then climbed in alongside me, reeling me close to his chest. I could feel his heartbeat thump beneath my cheek.

I had no idea how much I'd really needed him until now.

"Why are you so good to me?" I mumbled into his chest, taking in a deep breath of his sweet and masculine smell.

He chuckled quietly, caressing his fingers on my cheek. "Because I love you, sweet thing."

I smiled, his words wrapping around my weak body like a super soft warm blanket. "I love you too."

He kissed the top of my head. "Get some rest, beautiful. I'm right here."

[adventuringblind]

Monsters in my Mind

Max Verstappen x Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Sometimes those thoughts won't leave, the ones you don't want... The ones that can be dangerous. All it takes is one person to help make them go away.

Warnings: Intrusive thoughts, referenced/implied self-harm, violent thoughts, impulsive behaviors, panic attacks, non-sexual dominance as a form of coping, dom/sub undertones

Notes: My thoughts are self stabby as of late. Pardon me as I write this for myself to keep my head and hands busy.

Side Note: Consider feeding my praise kink maybe...?

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

The head is a strange place. One's conscious is usually meant to help them make the right decisions and not engage in acts that could hurt them or others. Her head, however, is the opposite of that.

It's a dark twisted place where thoughts that aren't her own find refuge. They want to bathe her in the ecstasy of things that shouldn't feel good. daydreams about things that could repulse any typical human being.

Sometimes they are so strong and her bodies reactions are so out of control, that she has to find relief somewhere. The knife against her skin takes the edge off. Is it normal to moan at the sting and feel satisfied looking at her red stained thighs? She does, until the realization settles in and the guilt won't let her think.

The thoughts laugh at her for giving in so easily. They scrutinize the fact she gets off on the pain.

She walks around in fear of herself. The anxiety and exhaustion from constantly fighting herself are visible on her body. She's tired, and everyone knows it. It's why they don't come near her. Always to caught up in her own head to realize people are trying converse.

It's not like her job requires to much discussion with people. Puzzles keep her brain busy and Ferrari keeps her busy with all the strategy mishaps they throw at her. They throw her a problem, she solves it, plans for next time, and they fuck it up again by not using the solution.

Sometimes she thinks about throwing herself in front of an F1 car going full speed. That voice in her head screams at her anytime she's close to the live track.

Then there is Max. His voice sends the thoughts running and it makes her want to cling to him. She wants him to never stop talking about anything and everything.

Today had been particularly difficult with the of the driver switch coming at the end of the season. Carlos and Charles are the first drivers she's worked with and they all got along great. She doesn't want it to change. That means more unknowns.

The wind graces her cheeks and kisses her finger tips as she sits on the balcony of their apartment. Everything is to much right now and her thoughts won't quiet.

She was in Maranello when the news came out. Her head became so loud with the fear of change and worry for her friend. Enough to be sent home for the day - alone, and nothing to help her head aside from the burning desire to just end it all.

Max had made arraignments for her to spend some time with him in the Milton-Keynes. She was still alone for periods of time. Enough to have to settle herself somehow.

The color red makes something in her relax. Specifically when it's flowing out of her own body.

Now Max is with her and she's stuck in her own head. The never ending maze of twisted thoughts keeps her from moving. The fear of giving in has been looming over her head for longer then normal. It feels like she's losing something, always has been with this team, but change feels far worse then staying with them.

Max hasn't pushed her to do much aside from at least stay in his presence. Occasionally attempting to get her out of her own head with movies and games. He's even spent hours at a time just talking to her about anything and everything.

He opens the door to the balcony, but she doesn't look at him. Not until he holds his hand out for her to take. An action she does without hesitation. No thoughts are needed for this, just following Max's lead.

He leads her over to the couch and arranges them so she can sit tucked into his lap. A grounding hand runs up and down the lenght of her spine. "I've been doing some research about how we might be able to get your head to quiet down."

"I'll do anything, jus' want it to stop." Her voice sounds dry and cracked from how hard she's screamed and cried through the last few days.

"Do you trust me?"

"More then I trust anyone."

She finds herself slipping off the couch and onto her knees, in-between Max's legs with her head resting against his thigh. His touch doesn't leave her skin. "You're doing so good for me. Listen to my voice and focus on taking big breathes for me. Can you do that for me?"

She hums in response. The continual stroke of Max's fingers against her face and sound of his voice already helping immensely.

"That's it, just breathe for me. I've got you; you don't have to fight the thoughts alone. I'm right here with you, keeping them away, never leaving your side." Max grabs one of her hands with his free one. her fingers lay between his. Her favorite puzzle with how easy the pieces fit together.

"You're here with me; I've got you. Those scary thoughts aren't your own. The are unwanted and uninvited, but most importantly, they don't define you. You are brave, loved, beautiful without gaping wounds. You're not crazy or psychotic. You are yourself, with your highs and your lows."

Her body has never felt like this. Her entire being wants to give itself over to Max. His breathes guiding her own, his gentle yet firm hold on her keeping her where he wants.

She lets herself fall under his spell. If Max can take the control away from her, make her complaint and relaxed like this, then he can have her thoughts too.

"That's it, such a good girl, let me think for you. I won't leave you to fight or flounder on your own."

She follows Max's directions, lets him guide her in this place of trust and letting go of things. He's turning her brain off and letting her float without any kind of worries except what Max is telling her to do.

Until all she can think of is him. The calm the comes with his presence and the way his voice falls over her like a soft blanket. Max is all she knows, occupying every crevice of her mind and leaving no room for anything else to creep in.

"How're you feeling, geliefd?" There is a lightness to his tone that makes her swoon.

She hums against his leg. "Warm, fuzzy, head empty."

"Then you stay here as long as you need, okay? I'll keep you safe."

And she does.

She falls into the warm embrace of Max's words. She lets him protect her and keep the dark ugly thoughts away.

With Max, her head is quiet. The voices can't come though. When they do, he's there to fight them back.

[marciabrady]

Despite poor commentaries throughout the years that seem to be based on prior critiques rather than the actual substance of the original 1937 Princess, Snow White is a very admirable character and has a myriad of positive qualities that make for a great role model. Apart from coping with losing both of her parents at a very young age and being, not only abused by her only parental figure left but also, forced into slavery- by someone who practices magic, no less, someone she had no chance against- Snow White also has a business intelligence. She never, ever expects the dwarfs to take her in out of the goodness of their hearts and just naively depend on the kindness of strangers, nor does she wait for her Prince to save her while she’s stranded in the middle of the woods without food and shelter. 

Actively seeking out a place of refuge, she finds the empty cottage and quickly decides to work for her stay. She identifies a gap she can fill, and applies the skills of cooking and cleaning she’s mastered- not because they’re traditionally feminine activities and this movie is trying to turn back feminism, but because it’s the only trade she knew as a result of being forced into servitude from childhood by another woman- to an environment that’s in dire need of these abilities. With this, she barters an exchange for room and board and convinces a roomful of seven men, who start off not liking her and ascribing their own misogynistic views onto her, in mere minutes to accept her as their equal, as someone who they’re not simply taking pity on and allowing to stay with them, but as a contributing member who earns her keep just as the rest of the house does and is just as worthy of respect. What’s more, Snow White manages to accomplish all this and improve the quality of her life drastically in exchange for the same services she would have been doing anyway if she never left Queen Grimhilde’s castle.

So, in conclusion: by escaping her abusive household and conquering her fear in the forest, Snow White picks herself back up on her feet- after she’s nearly the victim of a homicide- and goes out into the world. She creates a new life for herself by finding a home and shelter, and quantifying her marketable skills to gain effective employment. She never throws around her status as a Princess nor does she expect a pity handout from others. She literally crafts a position for herself that makes her just as worthy of inhabiting the cottage as the Dwarfs by merit of her own hard work and skill- not her beauty, or her privilege, or her birth right as a Princess- and gains their respect, while still being comfortable asserting herself when they try to test her or disregard her authority as their equal. Through her insurmountable ability to rise above her circumstances, her sheer survival skills, and the fact that she literally creates a job for herself to sustain her livelihood, Snow White is a modern woman.

[literalite]

mistki's the land is inhospitable and so are we (2023)!! as edits featuring mine and some of my friends ocs 😁 had a lot of fun with this project... rough explainer of how/why each song corresponds to each character/s under the cut because i love symbolism and talking! sorry it is long

bug like an angel - sapphire

without spoiling too much of her story and arc... sapphire's life is not easy. she's hurt by people she cares for and who care for her, although inadvertently, and in turn hurts people who she cares for and who cared for her, also not by her own volition. it's kind of a terrible truth that you will harm and be harmed by the people you love, even when you and they truly don't want to. it's up to you how much you're willing to take and deal. you can't keep every promise you make and you can't right every wrong. but you have to keep trying anyway. that's sapphire's strength, and the core of her goodness and why i personally consider her one of my favourite ocs. i chose to depict bug like an angel in mitski's more positive interpretation here and in that light i think it works best for saph

buffalo replaced - heiya

well first and foremost the vibes of the song fits heiya perfectly fhgjk but also lyricism and tone... yep. quick breakdown of heiya's background since i doubt i'll ever be able to do it properly she's an interesting character for me because she like a lot of my other characters has lost. everything. she had a wife and a child and they were both killed and she had to leave her home again and again and unlike how some of my others would have taken this she has never flagged in her unwavering dedication to preserving hope. for herself for her people for the future etc etc. which is a very fucking difficult thing to do! the world changes faster than you can keep up with it sometimes but for heiya she will not let herself tire and be swept away in it all. people rely on her. she's a guiding star as much as she is a woman. she's a lover and a fighter and thats what buffalo replaced means to me! so

heaven - vinny and caleb

i feel like of all my oc couples so far they have like. the sweetest most kind of simply mutually trusting dare i say straight forward love. they just love each other so much and thats all. the world could end around them when theyre together and it'd be okay truly. also yeah vinny is ostensibly in heaven now bye angel i feel like this one was pretty self explanatory. me and who WHEN

i don't like my mind - sunny

he just like me fr (said in denji voice) anyways wow ha. unstoppable unending guilt due to past actions that haunt your every waking moment? throwing yourself into any and all distraction just to take your mind off it, filling your time with other shit so that past sin doesnt for once echo in your awful and hollow brain? this song is perfect for sunny honestly just that sentiment also the "please don't take this job from me".... sometimes the coping is worse. you can be proud of something because you can do it better than anyone else even if that thing is terrible

the deal - wolfgang munch by @gunthermunch

Wolfgang Amadeus Munch. umm this will make more sense later on but it still kind of makes sense now i think. he doesn't want to be himself he keeps . leaving and moving and running away from his own memories his own self in reaction to others. if he could pawn it all off he would. if he could be better in an instant without having to feel every agonising second of change he would! but thats not how the world works. or is it. read munch by gunthermunch thats an order

when memories snow - lilian

i feel the older you get the more your past kind of swells up and trails behind you... at least for lilian that is shes very linked to the different versions of the girl/young woman she used to be. for her its a double edged blade, a lot of her own strength is drawn from who she was and what happened to her throughout her life. they haunt her but she's haunting it back in her own way

my love mine all mine - saige, bellona, ari

stares you down okay so usage of this song very much almost verges into spoiler territory but uhm. uhm. starts twitching basically the whole dynamic here is . sometimes when you love you will sacrifice. and while that is usually a good thing sometimes it is not but sometimes it still is. sometimes you pay your dues for love and sometimes someone else has to pay for your love as well. and whether that is worth it to them remains to be seen. but it's all about love still. whether that's a worthy cause is up to you i suppose

the frost - yoshiki and hikaru from hikaru ga shida natsu

fun fact (or not so fun fact since i had it listed as such) this slot was originally meant to be taken up by a gojo/geto edit and while it still works for them frighteningly well i swerved to do another black and white haired doomed gay pairing gfhjkl; i really recommend yall to read hikaru ga shinda natsu/the summer that hikaru died because honestly it speaks for itself! it's SO good i love it so bad

star - ari and luca by @anjitrait

wow these two did not deserve the horrors the narrative (me) slammed down onto their heads. they're kind of the most married of all time to me but like of course under pressure even the strongest most loving of bonds will warp. they've been together for roughly a decade and a half now. they know and love each other as totally as you could possibly imagine. despite it all i am yours, no matter. are we picking up what i'm putting down chat

i'm your man - nayef and sióar by @lucidicer

after the album dropped like at least 3 people swung into my dms with a ?this you?? about this song which. i mean the fucking dogs that start barking halfway through the song. are you kidding me. but anyways sioyef and devotion. sioyef and putting yourself in your lover's hands and looking to them like they are a god. this is super self explanatory. you know

i love me after you - redacted and ophelia

HM.... all i'll say here is that sometimes the homoerotic tension filled high school friendship where both parties have something very wrong with them but in totally different directions can be. scarring. bad. sometimes love just isn't enough when you don't know what you're meant to do with it and when you've lived in survival mode all your life. but that once the dust clears you can scrape yourself off the ground get up keep going and that isn't gonna be the end for you there. or for love, even. sometimes shit just ain't meant to be and thats ok

[feuilletonette]

Bridgerton S3, they could never make me hate you.

I had been consuming a lot of contents albeit very much revolves around these two darlings, Penelope and Colin. I just couldn't get enough. I was simply never the same after Polin. Never.

It had been pressing weeks when I felt the shed of my old skin upon the compounding insinuations of loss affection toward men of haunting past. In which with all their might would do everything to sabotage the relationship, to run screaming and crying and throwing up to absolutely defy these insurmountable feelings, one could label within the word, love. Until they are utterly consumed by these thoughts and overwhelming need to express such affections where the only way to ever cope results to angry, passionate confessions of love.

I am wild to witness the stark difference of how we see Colin did none of those things because in my conclusion, he wasn't as emotionally constipated and the first three leads and it is such a refreshing medium to see without ever actually stripping him flat. That is what I want: a tender, loving, down bad softboy declaring that if his purpose was to love a woman as great as me, then he shall be a very fulfilled man, indeed.

The argument that he didn't say the 'I love you' enough debate was, in surface, quite understandable but if you start to analyse closely, after the proposal, almost every interactions he's had revolved around finding an opportunity to express his love and admiration to/for Penelope, especially in his conversation with his siblings.

He didn't need to scream his confession, he'd been attuned and embracing it (enthusiastically so) once realised, that is why he was never repulsed of having to speak of it the first place! In fact, he even actively communicates it in the most beautiful way possible.

He sought advice from Violet, followed Anthony straight away when he told him that he should tell her he loves her. Listen to Kate's marital advice. He's open, he's receiving help, he's trying to process his hurt and overcoming his triggers. He's learning to do better but it wasn't perfect. He made mistakes along the way but eventually led him to the path of acceptance.

He wanted to love her better, despite of and in spite of. Colin had always been introspective so when he had discovered the root of his actions, he gathered up the courage to be vulnerable and admit it to Penelope. That he was feeling envious because he never truly felt good enough. But this was recieve to be affirmed of his inherent worth. The thing I love about this couple is that they felt so human and that propelled them to move past such damaging beliefs of themselves to do better.

Don't even get me started with Penelope, I could make dissertations of how well she was written for all anyone could care. Miss girl is ambitious, I love how her mental glow-up was able to comply how well her physical glow-up was executed also. In the end, she needn't to choose between herself and the man she loves.

She can be both independent and cherished by a man, a man who constantly worked on himself because she mattered more than his ego. She may have wavered after various discouragement and she had tried, so so hard to give up her success but she couldn't. Whistledown is something she wouldn't compromise as it would mean betraying a part of herself. So I was glad that upon fighting for it, the people around her soon realised that this is something they could not deny and something they should fight with her not off of her. I'm glad that the show was able to depict that Penelope could have both. Being a succesful, career-driven woman should not cost you your love, or at least the right one. And it's a powerful message to have.

I also love this passage of weilding her power into more productive causes such as giving voice to the voicless. I hope we see more of it for the upcoming season.

Though, of course it's not perfect, with pacing issues and subplots with purpose I had hard time figuring. But if there's one thing I couldn't stress enough, season 3 has so much depth and I was very glad to dive upon the narrowest trenches of it.

It was so beautifully done and that is why I also stand that Polin have the strongest foundation so far as they navigate their biggest block and be the best versions of themselves together, and occasionally, with the help of one another.

P.S I am only talking about the show Polin, I hated the book, but I suppose this would be for another post.

[fayeforrosie]

Karaoke Nights

Yunjin x Fem! Reader

Already stressed from all of the busy work Yunjin was required to do for her album promotion, she seeks an escape at a Karaoke bar she habitually visits, not expecting to find the possible love of her life

Warnings- Cannabis usage, swearing, sexual content, mention of alcohol

Word Count- 3.4k

Yunjin’s eyes began to lower as her face contorted into a lazy smile, hair spread messily on the floor as she stared up at the spotted ceiling above, almost convinced that it had been spinning nearly two seconds ago.

The idol brought her blunt back up to her parted lips, inwardly inhaling as she closed her eyes and subsequently sighed out the smoke, where she no later felt the ease of the cannabis flow towards her head.

It was a busy day for Yunijn, to say the least, and it was an evident need for Yunjin to come home to a newly rolled blunt sitting beside her ashtray. During promotions, it was always hectic, and Yunjin knew she could never get herself through such a busy schedule without smoking at least three times a week.

She initially quit just before she debuted, seeing it as a distraction and could possibly ruin her chances at fulfilling her idealistic dreams. Nevertheless, maybe a distraction is just what she needed, so just when the promotions began for their first mini-album, Yunjin picked up her habits once again.

Her members knew about her imperfect ways of coping with her stress levels, and did their best to handle her situation to the best of their ability, whether it be spending their time with her in her dorm as a way of keeping her mind off of things such as weed and alcohol (but mostly weed). Kazuha even offered to get Yunjin special help from one of her family members, claiming they were an addiction therapist and helped immensely with drug users in the past.

“It’s not an addiction, it’s just a divertissement”, Yunjin would claim, half attempting to convince her member and half trying to convince herself.

Maybe it was a dependency, but Yunin couldn’t care less. As long as it wasn’t effecting her work during the day, she could get as high as she liked at night.

And that is what she was, as high as she liked herself to be.

“I’m going out”, Yunjin claimed as she stood up, not realizing that there was nobody surrounding her in the room, and she had just formally spoken to herself. The idol laughed out loud for her mistake before she slides her shirt on, that had previously occupied the floor, and makes her way to the living room, noticing her leader playing an intense game of monopoly with the youngest of the group.

“Hi”, Yunjin smiles widely, eyes crescent as she patted her leader on the head.

“Oh hello Ms. Huh, I smell a little something on you”, Chaewon smiles after she sniffs her members hand, smacking it away after doing so.

“I wonder what it is”, Yunjin smirks.

“Why don’t you go take a shower and clean yourself up”, Chaewon suggests as she rolls the two dice ahead of her onto the board, pumping her first in the air when she came to realize she had rolled doubles.

“Actually, I was going to go out”, Yunjin claims, already walking towards the front entry door.

“Um, to where? Dressed like that?”

“Can I come with?” Eunchae exhorts cheerfully.

“Just to walk around the city, and no you can not come, my little cutie”, Yunjin imitates a frowny face before throwing her car keys up in the air and reaching to grab them, however failing to do so as it comes crashing onto the hardwood floor.

“Whoops”, Yunjin laughs at her antics and picks them up, “tried to be cool there.”

Chaewon huffs air out of her nostrils, shaking her head and laughing at how stupid her member looked at the moment. Her eyes half open and her outfit seeming more for a club than a casual stroll through the city.

Yunjin already knew where she was going. She had the familiar directions set in her mind as she drove down the shaded road, adjacent to a local bar she frequented.

As Yunjin parked her car towards the back of the building, so no cameras could secretly take shots of where she’s been, she began to make her entrance through the back door.

“Yunjin, what’s up?” The owner happily greeted her at the sight of the idol, holding his hand out naturally for a fist bump.

“How’s it going Diego?" Yunjin spoke to the man, kindly returning his fist bump.

The idol took in the sight of the karaoke bar, neon lights illuminating the interior, decorations accompanying the graffitied walls, and the many booths aligned symmetrically, where she could faintly hear the sounds of voices inside the rooms.

Yunjin would often come here when dealing with her stress levels reaching to the point of anxiety. She found this place to be an escape, where the owner allowed her the same private booth each time, leaving the girl alone, free of charge, as she would keep herself entertained in the room with the sounds of her obnoxious singing and the horrific stench of her half-finished blunt.

“It is open?” Yunjin questions, silently imploring that nobody had selfishly taken the only thing that could keep her alive.

“You know it”, Diego smirks, leading the way to the booth just down the hall, searching his pockets for the keys before he later opens the wooden door for the girl.

“You’re the best, I love you”, Yunjin offers one more fist bump before Diego shuts the door and leaves the woman at her peace.

Admiring the sight of the familiar room, Yunjin sighs in relief to herself for finally arriving at her peace. She hadn’t came to this place in some time, probably about a month already, as she was too busy with her promotions for her groups newly released album, and found no time in her schedule to fit her own activities in.

Yunjin finds herself seated on the singular couch, hands reaching out as she skillfully rolled a new blunt for herself, not that she needed it at the moment given how high she already was, but depending on how long she stays at the place, she may need a backup.

“Perfect”, Yunjin smiles, where she later grabs the remote to the TV ahead of her and scrolls through the potential songs she could sing. She clicks her tongue with each lyric video she passes over, already haven done them during her previous visits, and throws her head back when she realizes that she’s too high to even come up with a song to sing, and all the songs appearing on the home screen she’s sang already.

Just when Yunjin is about to attempt to regain her focus on the music she wants to sing, trying desperately to reach her sober self so she could experience some fun for the night, her head raises at the sound of the wooden door to the booth opening. Just before she could yell at the person to get out, not wanting any fans, or random customers, to ruin her only time to herself, she catches a glimpse of the most alluring girl entering the room, where she noticed the girls eyes catch Yunjin's before she retraces her steps, backing up and muttering an apology, saying something along the lines of not knowing the booth was occupied.

Although Yunjin thought she would want any person to back off and leave her to be by herself, she didn’t want such a pretty girl (or maybe she was only average, and Yunjin was just high and horny) to slip through her fingers that quickly.  

“Hey wait!” Yunjin announces, not giving her mind enough time to think through what she wanted to say.

She sees you turn around, hand still on the doorknob, and a hopeful look adorning your expression.

“Do you want to stay?” Yunjin questions, and if someone was to guess whether she was sober or high based on that sentence, they would unquestionably guess that she hadn’t touched a single ounce of cannabis in her life.

“Oh um”, you turn to look outside, seeing if the idol was really talking to you.

You knew who the girl was. You had seen her all over posters throughout your city, noticing her groups songs playing endlessly at specific places you would stop by at, whether it be a coffee shop, a thrift store, or whatever place you would occupy yourself with.

Huh Yunjin was insanely famous, especially where you are, and anyone could pick out the idols features in a room full of people. You had always been a fan of the groups music, having a few of their songs added to your playlist, but you didn’t know much about the members, or what their personalities were like.

Certainly, you had not expected one of the members to be alone inside the booth you had been recently going to, an escape for you to get your mind off of things such as uni or work.

“Are you ok with that?” You ask gently, not wanting to push any boundaries.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t”, Yunjin states, and she knew she would have been much nicer, and a lot less rude, if she weren’t intoxicated at the moment. Unfortunately, her words flew off of her tongue before she could give herself the chance to determine if it was something alright to say.

“Oh”, you looked around once again, “sure.”

“Ok”, Yunjin smiles and pats the seat beside her, “I was trying to think of something to sing but I couldn’t, have anything in mind?”

You waltz your way over to the couch, comfortably taking the open spot next to the idol, immediately sensing the smell of weed infiltrate your nose, and you found yourself less surprised than you should have been, deeming it inevitable for an idol that endures so much pressure to naturally resort to drugs as a coping mechanism.

Yunjin noticed when the smell of weed came to you, and she picked up the blunt and brought it to you, offering you a hit wordlessly.

“Oh”, you waved your hands before her, “I don’t usually smoke.”

Yunjin keeps the blunt in front of you, as if she was refusing your decline.

“You don’t usually?” She asks.

You nod your head, furrowing your eyebrows at what she was trying to get at.

“So does that means you have before, if you don’t usually do it?”

She keeps the blunt in her grasp, ready for when you change your mind. Yunjin wanted you to be high with her. You were so ethereal, that being this high in front of you was utterly embarrassing to the idol, so if you were to smoke a little yourself, you would at least be in the same state as her.

“I guess yeah, I just don’t do it too often. Only at like parties or with friends. Or maybe for a special occasion”

Yunjin scoots closer to you, her leg now brushing against yours.

“Well, you’re with me... so you can say it’s a special occasion”, Yunjin holds the blunt now closer to you, hoping you give in and eventually take it for yourself.

“Why is that so special?” You question, possibly flirting if you were to look at it in such a way.

“Is it not special to be in a private room with the Huh Yunjin?”

Yunjin wants to crack you. She wants you to give in to her charm, fall to your knees and do anything she wants. If she were sober, she knows damn well she would have already flirted her way into pinning you up against the wall, hand half way up your thigh while the other was attached to your neck. But, being in this state, Yunjin needs to choose her words wisely, cautiously get you to the point of desperation.  

“Why don’t you show me why it’s so special?” You lean closer, face inches apart from hers. You could tell she was as high as a kite, her eyes barely open as she glares at you with such desire. You could tell she was into you already, being the only reason behind your confidence. Or you possibly were overthinking it, and maybe she was just a natural flirter when she was on some sort of drug. Technically, you didn’t know if she was into you, but you chose to play the hand you were delt.

Yunjin, seeing how close your face was, takes it as a sign to do what she is about to do, and she leans in closer to you, her lips now inches away from yours, and just before she can connect them, you instantly pull away with a smirk, turning your attention to the tv.

“I know what song to do”, you state proudly, noticing in the corner of your eye Yunjin’s hand running through her hair in frustration and shame.

You stand up, typing in “Hypnosis”, a newly released song by Ive, and as you hit play, Yunjin tugs you back down onto the couch smoothly.

“At least take a hit first”, Yunjin brings the blunt up to her face, sealing the end with her lips, inhaling the smoke, and before you could protest, Yunjin grabs you by the back of your neck and pulls you in. You know what she is trying to do, and in all honesty, it aroused you, so you open your lips slightly and allow her to blow the smoke into your mouth, her top lip just barely grazing yours.

You felt a rush of excitement flow throughout your body, a response to not only the weed, but the proximity in which you were in with the idol. Her hand doesn’t leave the back of your neck, and as you release the smoke to float lifelessly in the air, your eyes open and connect with Yunjin’s.

“Another”, you state, and Yunjin wastes no time in bringing the blunt to her lips once again, this time taking an even longer hit than before.

You close your eyes and take in the smoke, the same elation from before redeeming itself once again. Your eyes begin to get heavy, settling to the same height as Yunjin’s, and you smile when the euphoria of the high knocks into your senses.

“Another.”

Yunjin does it once again, her hand never leaving the back of your neck, and after all the hits you’ve taken, the lust floating in the air finally catches onto you, and you feel yourself becoming desperate for the girl in front of you.

Yunjin can confidently say she has been desperate this entire time, throbbing as she blew the smoke into your lips and practically drooling in anticipation each time you made eye contact with you.

You were probably the prettiest, hottest, and sexiest girl she had ever seen, without a doubt, and even the weed can’t fog her mind into thinking so.

As Yunjin stares into your eyes, your expression matching hers, she feels as if she can’t hold it anymore, like she’s going to burst if she doesn’t have you at this exact moment.

The blunt is long forgotten on the table, knowingly being placed there, unbeknownst to you. However, you later find out the blunt is no longer in Yunjin’s hand when she brings her right hand up to your chin, her fingers holding the bottom while her thumb hovers over your lips.

You open your mouth slightly, seeing how close her thumb is, and Yunjin slowly brings her finger past your lips and into your mouth. You clasp your lips around her thumb, not breaking eye contact with the idol, and nor did she, staring into your eyes with evident and pure lust.

“Your the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen”, Yunjin mutters seductively.

“How sexy Yunjin?” You smirk after her thumb is released from your lips, now placed upon your cheek. You can guarantee yourself that if it wasn’t for the weed you had previously taken, you would have most definitely been on the ground by now, deceased by how flustered the woman made you.

Yunjin rubs the back of your neck with her other hand, “You want to know?”

“Tell me”, you respond, your attention now placed on Yunjin’s lips, as was hers.

“You’re so sexy, that all I’ve been able to think about the whole time you've been here, was how bad I need to be between your legs.”

If you weren’t already an aroused mess, that comment completely guaranteed how bad you needed this woman. How bad you wanted to taste her lips, and hear her speak to you so sexily while she was under you.

“All I can think about right now is how much I want to taste your lips”, you respond, and that’s what ignites Yunjin.

The idol leans in towards your lips, slowly connecting them to hers, smirking as she hears you moan into the kiss, anticipating for it to happen already. You grab onto her waist, opening your mouth to give her more access before she skillfully slips her tongue past your lips. You do the same, tongue brushing against hers as your hands roam her revealed waist.

Yunjin pulls you onto her lap, allowing you to straddle her while she brings one hand on your waist, guiding you to begin grinding on her. You do just that, allowing another moan to flow easily off your tongue when her lips detach from yours and move to your neck, Yunjin’s tongue running up and down your newly formed hickeys.

The music in the background has already shuffled to a few new songs, and you notice the one that began playing was Yunjin’s very own song, “Unforgiven”.

You giggle when you realize what was playing, and Yunjin breaks away from your neck to see what you were laughing at, instantly noticing the background music.

“You know this song?” You ask sarcastically, and Yunjin pecks your lips before saying she might know a little of it.

You laugh seeing Yunjin’s hurt expression when you climb off of her lap, looking as if she were a boy who’s balls had just been left blue. You reach across the table ahead of you and grab one of the microphones, putting it up to your swollen lips before you begin to obnoxiously sing along with the vocals originating from the tv.

“If you sing this song with me I’ll let you take me home”, you state with a sly wink, already walking over to her to hand her the disregarded microphone.

Yunjin roles her eyes, smiling shyly at how cute you were before she takes the microphone out of your hand, walking towards your figure, wrapping one arm around you as she sings her part of the song.

The two of you continue to sing the rest of the song, and a few more that follow along after it, and Yunjin had so much fun she almost forgot the time, and the gift of being able to take you home.

“Shit”, Yunjin states, and she releases herself from your hold before rushing over to her phone, hoping the time wouldn’t completely blow her away.

“Fuck Chaewon’s going to kill me!” Yunjin shouts, setting aside the sweaty microphone and swiftly throwing her jacket on.

“We have to go”, Yunjin states in a hurry, and your heart rather flutters at the thought of her truly taking you to her place, giving you the time of your life.

You grab your things from the couch with Yunjin still tugging on your hand, and the two of you erupt into a fit of laughter as you rush out of the building, hands still intertwining while you make your way into the car.

“My lady”, Yunjin jokes, holding the car door open for you with her arm extending out in one swift motion.

You giggle at her silly manner, leaning towards her and pecking the idols lips before you take your seat in her car.

While Yunjin feels the rush of heat rise to her cheeks, she shakes her head at the thought of how lucky she was to find a girl like you at such an unexpected time.  

And the two of you still have the whole night ahead of you.

~

DO NOT DRIVE UNDER THE INFLUENCE!!

Decided to take a break from the Karina series and write something for my girl Jen. I'm literally in love with her like it's not funny she's my girlfriend everyone else is delusional

[pathologicalreid]

hiii :)) I just wanna say I absolutely love your work, and I love the way you write Spencer! I squeal everything I get a notification from you, honestly.

please could I request a spencer reid x female!reader where the reader suffers from trichotillomania (a hair pulling disorder.) One day spencer walks in on her having an "episode" where she stands in front of the mirror and starts pulling her hair (mostly her eyelashes) and she tries to stop but the urge to keep doing it is too strong and she physically can't stop herself. So spencer gently moves her away from the mirror and comforts her when she starts crying because she just can't seem to stop doing it and she's frustrated at herself. So he talks her through it gently and gives her advice and maybe he throws in a few positive facts to help her calm down?

Im so sorry if you find this a bit weird and you can totally just ignore this but this is something that I suffer from personally and its gotten really bad lately. So I just thought this would maybe ease it a little bit :) tysm!

resilient | S.R.

in which your boyfriend lends you a hand when your own are working against you

who? spencer reid x fem!reader

category? hurt/comfort

content warnings: possibly triggering for those with trichotillomania or other compulsions. please take caution when reading and take care of yourselves. mentions of anxiety and therapy. reader is referred to as "sweetheart".

word count: 879

a/n: hi anon! thank you for requesting! i'm so sorry this took me so long to write! i wanted to make sure i did thorough research while also trying to balance finals and work, but i finally think it turned out pretty good. i hope you like it and i love you very much.

The door squeaked open, but you didn’t hear it. Sometimes it felt like you were in your own little world, just stood in front of the mirror. It started with a long day at work, and it ended with pulling.

When you were younger, you pulled from your scalp so much that you couldn’t wear your hair down. In college, you moved to your eyelashes. Your therapist explained to you that it was how your brain dealt with stress. The way some people exercise or drink, you pull your hair out.

You got a new therapist when you moved to Virginia, you tested healthy coping habits and tried to find methods that would prevent you from pulling. A few days ago, you tried band-aids on your fingertips, but they fell off and instead of replacing them, you just pulled.

Just a few, you told yourself. Just a few to help the anxiety, you tried to bargain with your brain that was actively working against you. You put your hands down at your sides, constantly flexing your fingers before lifting your hands to your eyes again.

A hand placed on yours brought you out of your bubble, and you jumped slightly when you looked ahead of you and weren’t met with your reflection, but rather the familiar eyes of your boyfriend. Golden on the inside, just as they’d always been. “What’s wrong?” He asked you, clasping both of your hands in his and bringing them down between your bodies.

It was never his intention, but you couldn’t help but feel like a deer in the headlights. A child caught getting into something they shouldn’t have. “I don’t- I didn’t… I thought…” You stammered, not quite knowing the words you wanted to use to describe the struggle.

You looked over your shoulder at the mirror as Spencer gently led you into your bedroom, one of two designated ‘no mirror’ zones in the apartment. “It’s okay,” he whispered, his voice gentle as he tried to console you. “What do you need? What can I do?”

At his concern, your face crumpled, and tears welled in your eyes, “I’m so sorry, Spence.” You whispered, your voice warbling through the tears. Hot streams of water ran down your face, “I thought that I could just do a little. I thought I could stop,” you were fully crying now.

He shook his head, “this is a compulsion, sweetheart. You can’t just be done with it, okay? It’s alright to have bad days,” he told you, moving one of his hands to wipe the tears from under your eyes. “Recovery from trichotillomania takes time, but I’m here.” He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, “I’m here for all of it.”

You knew that he meant well, but his words just made more tears well in your eyes, “You’re so good.” You whispered, “I wish I was stronger.”

“You are the strongest person that I know,” he told you, holding both of your hands in his, skimming the pad of his thumb over your knuckles. “You are so strong, and you can overcome this. It just takes time,” he told you, his voice was strong and reassuring. If he believed you were this resilient, then you would just have to live up to that.

Your shoulders slouched forward, “I didn’t like the band-aids.” You admitted they made it hard to do things, and the sticky residue they left on your fingers made you uncomfortable.

He looked at your hands thoughtfully, “I read about someone who used petroleum jelly on their fingers to dissuade them from pulling. Would you be willing to try that?”

Nodding slowly, you wiggled your fingers, the petroleum jelly would make your fingers too slippery to pull your eyelashes out. You’d have to be good at reapplying, though. “Sure,” you whispered, the last of your tears running to a stop on your cheeks and neck.

Spencer sat you down on the bed before walking into the bathroom and you wrapped your arms around yourself self-consciously.

“How was work?” You called out, it wasn’t often Spencer left in the morning and came back that same evening.

In the bathroom, you heard the cabinet opening and closing, Spencer sighed. “A lot of the same. People commit crimes, I find them,” he said, walking back into the bedroom with a container in hand.

Gingerly, Spencer took your hand and started applying a layer of petroleum jelly to your fingers, focusing on your fingertips. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, focusing your eyes on your hands.

“I understand that your anxiety is making you feel like you need to apologize, but I really wish you wouldn’t apologize. Not to me, and not for this,” he murmured.

You took a deep breath, “I’m… Thank you,” you corrected yourself.

He hummed, lifting your hands so you could see how they shone, “This doesn’t define you, you know that, right? ‘The whole is greater than the sum of the parts’, and I love all of you. Even the parts of yourself that you don’t love.”

Your head lifted, and the corner of your mouth quirked up, “Did you just quote Aristotle at me?”

Spencer nodded gently, “I quoted Aristotle to you.”

Despite yourself, you smiled, “I love you too.”

[svltzmans]

boxer! hope mikaelson headcanons

a/n: i've been thinking about this hc for weeks guys i'm in love!

warnings: nsfw content (18+), mention of minor violence/injury, as always not edited just a bunch of thoughts

boxing is one of hope's favorite ways to exercise, and also one of her coping methods when she gets upset or angry

most of the time, hope uses a punching bag for her workouts

(something she knows won't get tired)

she boxes until her fingers blister, and her hands are too sore to continue

when hope works out, she pushes herself as hard as she can

and she doesn't mind getting a few badass injuries in the process

hope has definitely broken a few boxing bags, not realizing her own strength

she gets so enthralled with her punches that she doesn't think about it

she'd be an hour or so into her workout session, and the bag would just fly off the chain holding it up

the first time this happened, she just stared at it for a minute and burst out laughing

hope also sometimes likes to spar, and she'll usually get another supernatural to train with her

but one day you'd ask her if she wanted to spar with you

and she's honestly shocked, because you had never shown any interest in boxing before

she'd absolutely agree to train you

but not before teasing you a little

"i'm gonna go easy on you baby, don't worry"

she'd help you wrap your hands to protect them from getting blistered

she'd be super homoerotic about it, of course

"such pretty hands, baby. gonna show me how you use 'em?"

she'd let you pick out a pair of her gloves to borrow

(but you'd end up keeping them)

hope would start by having you punch the bag so that she could "see your skills"

but she actually just wants to watch you

because she thinks it's so hot that you're doing this with her

hope knew you were strong

but she didn't know you were that strong

she's in awe of your every move, watching you (seemingly effortlessly) throw punches

eventually she can't help herself and starts shouting praise your way

"there you go baby, that's it"

"such a strong girl, you're doing amazing"

"beat the shit out of that thing, pretty girl"

hope is too focused on you to notice that the chain holding the bag to the ceiling is starting to weaken

and eventually, the bag flies off and across the room

"oh shit!" you'd yell, thinking you'd owe the salvatore school a new punching bag

"damn love, you're too strong for the bag."

hope manages to fix the bag, hooking it back onto the ceiling

"think you're ready for me?" hope says, wrapping her own hands

"bring it on."

you and hope would start sparring, dancing around each other

and it would be almost impossible for you to focus, seeing the passion and intensity in hope's eyes

hope wasn't lying when she said she would go easy

her hits are gentle enough that they're not the slightest bit painful

she'd stop to check in a lot, double checking that she's not being too rough

and you'd do the same, even though she always had the same response

"i like it rough."

while trying to dodge a hit, hope loses her footing and lands on the gym floor below her

laughing, she pretends to collapse and just stays on the ground

instinctively, you'd straddle her, hovering above her

"knockout," you'd taunt, finally leaning in to kiss her

"seeing you about to beat me up is pretty hot," hope would mutter between kisses

"there's more where that came from," you'd say, pretending to throw a punch jokingly

you'd lay down next to hope, both of you staring at the ceiling

you'd just enjoy each other's company for a while

and hope would help you take off your hand wraps and gloves

(and probably kiss your hands because duh, she's a romantic)

i need to box with hope rn and exercise with her more after iykwim lmao

[badasgirlfriend]

Torn Love | Bada Lee Imagine

pairings: bada lee x reader

-part 1-

genre: angst, fluff

a/n: read part 1 if you haven't

Y/N entered Bada's apartment, taking a deep breath as she took in the chaotic scene before her. Clothing was tossed about the floor, plastic wrap and food wraps in the sink. The place was clearly a mess, but it was familiar, and despite the sour feelings associated with it, she was happy to be there one last time.

It had been over a month since she last saw Bada in person. After that night she had texted Nayeon, who was more than happy to let her stay at her place.

It was not easy, not at all. Y/N struggled with it all, crying for what seemed like every hour of the day and night. She missed Bada so much, but she knew she had to put herself first. Her ex girlfriend's constant text messages made it even harder, she wanted to hear from her, but she knew she had to be strong and keep her distance for her own sake. It was the hardest thing she had ever done, but she had no choice but to block her, for her own well-being.

She didn't tell Bada that she was coming to get her things. She couldn't face her, she wasn't that strong. It hurt too much to be around her, but she knew she needed her belongings.

She came only to grab her things, but when she saw the messy state of the apartment, she couldn't bring herself to leave it. Bada was a clean person, you would never see her throw clothing or plastic bags on the floor, so this was a surprise to Y/N.

"I'll be quick,' Y/N muttered to herself as she gathered up the clothes from the floor, placing them into a basket. She started the laundry in an attempt to make the apartment more bearable, despite the pain of being in the same place where she once lived with Bada.

She remembered those times cleaning with Bada, how they used to have fun messing around, laughing, and being silly as they worked. Now she was alone, and it hurt, it hurt like nothing else, having those memories come back and bite at her.

Y/N opened the fridge, wincing at the sight of her favorite food there, stocked and untouched. It was as if Bada was still here, waiting for her to come back, hoping they would still be together.

She put the things and closed the fridge. She moved to what was once their room, where Bada's side of the bed was messy with clothes laying on it, but Y/N's side was clean, cleaner than she had ever left it.

Y/N groaned, sitting on the bed. Her gaze fell on the pictures still framed and on the vanity. She couldn't believe this is where it all ended, and she just sat there, lost in thought, the memories of the good times overwhelming her. "Bada, what are you doing to me?" she asked herself, trying to cope with the pain

She froze when she heard the door open, afraid that it was Bada. She looked at her watch, and realized that it was still early for Bada to come home.

Bada groaned as she rubbed her stiff neck, entering the apartment and freezing in place when she realized the place was clean, not how she left it.

Her heart began to beat faster, it was really happening. Y/N was here, right in front of her. She felt a rush of emotions - happiness, fear, love, anxiety, and she wasn't sure what to do.

"Y/N?" Bada asked out loud, her voice hoarse and her mind racing. "Y/N? Are you here?" She repeated, her voice shaking and her heart racing. In all honesty, she didn't even know why she was asking.

She ran up to their room, her heart racing, her mind a mess. When she walked through the door, she saw Y/N sitting on their bed, and that was it. Her knees gave out beneath her, and she fell to the floor, covering her face with her hands, tears falling down her cheeks.

Y/N's heart ached when she saw her on the floor crying. She got up and went closer, saying, "Bada."

Bada looked up at her, her face covered in tears, and said, "You're not real. It's just my mind playing tricks on me. It's just a hallucination."

"Bada, don't," YN said, fighting back tears as feelings of despair and helplessness filled her.

"I waited for you everyday," Bada sobbed softly, "Every damn day and you didn't come."

Y/N didn't speak, knowing that her voice would betray her, her emotions too turbulent to control.

"Why didn't you come?" Bada asked, her voice breaking with pain, "You said you would be gone only for a while."

"Bada, I needed time-" Y/N tried to explain, but she quickly cut her off

"Did you think about me at all?" The tall girl asked, looking intently at Y/N.

"Of course I did," Y/N mumbled, unable to believe that Bada would even question rhat

"Then why did you block me?" she asked softly, her words filled with hurt.

"I'm sorry, but I had to," Y/N explained, doing her best not to think about the breakdown she had after making such a decision. "I was hurting too, you know."

Bada's eyes settled on the bag Y/N had placed, on the bed, she only came to get her things...

"Hell no, I'm not letting you go again," Bada muttered as she sprung up quickly heading for the door

"Bada- Hey what are you doing" Y/N looked in confusion as she saw Bada on her tip toe's placing the key on top of the book shelve

"I let you go that day. I listened and I let you go!" Bada said firmly, wiping tears away from her cheeks. "But that's not gonna happen again. You'll listen to me." her words dripped with conviction, her tone leaving no room for doubt.

"There's nothing to talk about-"

Bada's voice rose in anger, "Yes there fucking is Y/N. You just packed your bags and left me like that. I was struggling too. I was working day and night and not being able to see you drove me crazy!"

Y/N rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. "I explained everything to you that day,"

Bada's tone shifted, softening. "Sorry, Y/N. I know I should have tried harder, but it's me against them. I can't just abandon my work." Her words were filled with sadness and defeat.

Y/N blinked back tears as she spoke. "Bada, I really was hurt, we wouldn't even see each other."

Bada sniffed, her voice filled with despair and regret. "I know and I'm sorry," she said, tears falling down her cheeks unbidden. "I should have been there for you when you needed me the most. I blame myself everyday for what happened to you, I know I'm the reason you went back to your old habits."

Y/N softened her approach "No that isn't your fault-"

Bada shook her head, "It's my fault," she said in a broken voice, her hands covering her face to hide the tears. "I was constantly picking up fights with you and I never asked if you're okay."

After a deep breath, she continued. "I'm really sorry, you're probably tired of hearing me say this, but if I could turn back time and fix everything, I would," Bana said in a softer tone, a sad smile appearing on her face

"I don't know Bada" Y/N whispered "I don't want to get hurt again"

A glimmer of hope returned to the dancer's eyes as a thought came to her. "You'll see," she said, her voice filled with determination "I promise you I'll make time for you from now on. Even when you were away, I always came home earlier, just in case you came here."

Y/N's cheeks turned a bright shade of pink as Bada took her face in her hands. In that moment, she felt her heart skip a beat as she struggled to determine what to do.

"Please baby," Bada said softly, "I'm a mess without you." Her words hit Y/N like a blast of cold water, her heart filled with love yet pained by her feelings of helplessness. Her mind was a mess, torn between her love for Bada and her desire to protect herself.

"I'm scared," YN whispered, searching for comfort in her ex girlfriend's eyes. Bada pulled her lover into a warm embrace, pressing their foreheads together, their hearts beating in unison.

"Don't be scared, from now on, I'll always be by your side," She whispered, her voice full of determination as she tried to soothe her lovers fear. Y/N rested in Bada's embrace, seeking the comfort and security she had always found in the choreographer's presence.

Without a second thought, Y/N pulled Bada toward her, cupping her cheeks and kissing her lips. The tall girl quickly returned the kiss, their tongues dueling and their hands exploring each other's faces and bodies.

They pulled each other closer, their breath becoming heavy and their hearts racing with the intensity of their love and desire. All thoughts of fear, hesitation and uncertainty were forgotten and all that Y/N felt was the intense connection she shared with Bada, and all Bada felt was the fire that burned within her as she wrapped her arms around her lover, pulled her close and kissed her passionately.

"I missed you so much, Y/N," Bada whispered, her nose touching Y/N'a nose as their faces were now inches apart. "Please, don't ever leave me," she continued, her voice filled with fear, a raw vulnerability showing in her eyes.

She drew her back in for another kiss, her lips lingering on Y/N's for a moment before she pulled away, her expression a mixture of relief and joy at having her lover near once more.

"Never"

[maskedemerald]

Weaving Webs CH5

Here is chapter five of my Invisobang fic! The wonderful @pricklenettle did some fantastic art that you'll see embedded through out the fic!

You can check out the fic here or on AO3!

If you like this consider dropping us both a follow!

Warnings: Body horror, manipulation, Spectra is her own content warning, Burns, Spider - for like 2 chapters then it goes away.

The Fenton parents were there when the accident happened, they saw Danny die in an act of sabotage. Now they’re just trying to go on with the strange ghost that is all that's left of Danny. While their old college friend is wondering where the subjects of his revenge are.

[First] [Previous] [Next]

Chapter Five

Jack knocked on the door of Jazz’s bedroom. She’d been shut in her room aside from the occasional appearance in the kitchen for meals since the incident. It had only been a few days but he couldn’t help but be worried. She also wasn’t answering. He knew it wasn’t intentionally Danny’s fault, the ghost was downstairs waiting. Add on to that the ghost didn’t seem to have any intentional actions.

“Jazzerincess? We're watching a movie! Something fun!” He called through the door hoping that it would tempt her.

There was a long silence before a strained voice replied, “can't Dad, I've got too much catching up to do.”

He frowned, he should have expected that. She’d always been deep into her school work, it made sense that she’d throw herself into it even more now. What would Jazz call it? A coping mechanism?

“You sure?”

“Yes Dad.”

“Then how about we all help out in the kitchen?” He offered, that would help right?

“… no,” she said quietly, “I… just go away…”

Jack sighed, slumping as he moved away from the door. He’d been hoping for just a little bit of normal. For all of them. He’d managed to pull Maddie out of the lab and actually for once Danny was the easiest to get involved, but he tried not to think about why.

Jack trudged back down the stairs to the living room where Maddie and Danny were waiting. Maddie sat on the sofa, her limbs held close and taught, ready to move at a moment's notice. Her eyes not even straying up to him from watching Danny. He hated how uncomfortable everyone was. Even him.

He dropped onto the sofa, it sagged and Maddie tilted into him. She jolted and then relaxed against him, marginally. Danny looked up at him from where he was curled up on one of the arm chairs. Jack doubted he had legs right now with how twisted up he was. There was a questioning tilt to his head. The lights overhead flickered a little and a line scanned across the TV. It was just a little off from the consistent flickers that Danny caused.

“Is Jazz coming?” Maddie asked.

“She said no… I don’t think she’s doing well.”

Maddie sighed, “I don’t think any of us are. She’ll work through it in her own time. We can’t rush her. Just give her space,” she paused, “it's better that way anyway. At least up there she’s not near the ghost. Not in danger.”

“Right…” he glanced at Danny’s ghost, “you still want to watch?”

The TV fizzed with static, the screen sharply filling with snow. Danny shot off flying past the TV and up through the ceiling. Had he understood what was going on?

“I hope he isn't mad…” Jack frowned looking at where he had vanished.

“You saw how it reacted. We should go find it before it does something,” Maddie said, getting to her feet.

“It's Danny, Maddie. he'll come round,” Jack consoled.

“That was before he was a ghost… we still don't know when the other shoe will drop,” she looked away, “I don’t want it to but all the research says it will happen.”

Jack’s face fell. He didn’t want to think like that either. He wanted to think that Danny was different. He’d seemed so excited to be watching a movie together after everything that had happened but they couldn’t be sure if he really understood what was happening aside from them all sitting together. It was so hard to tell anything with him no matter how much Jack wanted to believe that he was just the same Danny. He wouldn’t be, there was no way that this Danny wasn’t different. Their research was certain of that. Their research said if a ghost didn’t get what it wanted then destruction and chaos was only a matter of time.

“Dad! Something’s wrong with my laptop!” Jazz’s voice called down the stairs.

Maddie frowned, “you check on Jazz. I’ll look for Danny.”

Jack nodded, he wanted to look for Danny too but Jazz needed support. Fixing her laptop was something even if it wasn’t as big an impact as he was hoping for. Both of them headed up the stairs but Maddie turned to go to Danny’s room. One Danny hadn’t been in at all the last few days. He’d mostly been sticking close to the rest of them. The chill that had vanished when Danny left returned at the top of the stairs. A confirmation that he was still upstairs and hadn’t looped back down into another room. That he hadn’t tried to go through the roof. Technically it was ghost proofed but there had never been a chance to test it with a real ghost.

Jazz's laptop screen was completely covered by a snowstorm of static. the speakers sounded like crumpling tinfoil and uncomfortably electrical. It would fizz and crackle as the static distorted Even more across the display. Jack tapped at buttons to no effect. Whatever this was, he was going to need his tool kit and a replacement screen. Maybe even a whole new laptop with the noise the speakers were making.

“Huh looks like your screen’s gone. Oh maybe we have something we can use in the lab!”

Jazz’s frustrated expression dropped and she paled, “no! No need. I’ll… I’ll just plug it into Danny’s monitor. No need for experimental things from the lab Dad.”

Jack deflated, right. Of course that was a bad idea. Even if it was sabotage they still didn’t know if anything else was affected. Jazz would want nothing to do with the lab after what happened.

“Right, okay no lab stuff. How about we check it with Danno’s monitor and if it's still funny I’ll take it to a repair shop tomorrow.”

Jazz nodded and leant over to reach the plug under her desk. She yelped and her chair clattered to the floor. She stumbled backwards leaving a clear view of under her desk. What he had thought was a light from her checking the plug already was actually the glow of Danny. The ghost was huddled under the desk, knees pulled up to his chest in a way that shouldn’t have been possible in the bulky suit if he wasn’t a ghost. His glowing eyes were watching them. His hands tangled in the power cable.

Jack startled, grabbing Jazz and pulling her back before he had a chance to think. Danny was unlikely to be a danger at the moment. He was probably just there because Jazz was.

“Danny?” Jazz breathed.

“Fizzzt crackle Jazz zpt Jazzy crackle fizzzt,” her speakers crackled as Danny twisted the power cable.

The noise was grating like nails down a chalkboard but at the same time there was something he was sure he’d heard in all that crackling static. It had been her name. Jazzy was something static didn’t normally sound like.

“Jazzy? Wait… are you… are you talking?”

“Ghost Speak! The tech interference is Ghost Speak! Mads, mads! Did you hear that!”

He was talking! There had been theories about the interference being an attempt to communicate in the research for years but there had never been definitive proof. Most recordings had just been white noise and the words too indistinct enough to actually be words. Even before this Danny’s interference had just been proximity based. Had he been trying to communicate all that time and only just figured it out?

Maddie whipped through the door, her pistol ready. Still expecting the other shoe to have dropped. Jack was less concerned, if Danny was going to do anything he would have before he was discovered.

“What happened?” she asked, aiming the pistol defensively.

“Danno’s talking!” Jack grinned.

“Talking?” She blinked, surprised. The weapon was lowered slightly.

“Fizzzt crackle lone? zpt lonely? Crackle sad fizzzt.” the laptops speakers garbled out.

Maddie stared. Jack let Jazz go, Danny wasn’t the threat. They were. He was a lonely child, a one that depending how much he remembered had been through something horrifyingly traumatic. And Maddie and him were treating him like a ticking time bomb. Jack had wanted to believe but he was still on edge. Expecting the worst despite his hope. He didn’t even hesitate to pull Jazz away.

Jazz sat down on her bed, more a slump than a sit. Tears down her face. Jack had a feeling she was also blaming herself for avoiding Danny.

“You’re not, we’re here Danny,” she muttered softly.

Jack pushed Maddie’s pistol lower and approached Danny, “it's alright Danno. We’re all here. You're not alone.”

“Fizzt Jazzt… Jazzt fizzt zpt lonely… Crackle”

It was hard to understand the words past the crackle and static. Not to mention the fragmented broken nature of the words. It helped that his eyes were focused on Jazz past him.

“Fizzzt missssss you… crackle Jazzzt alone Fizzt”

“Me?” Jazz questioned, “all this and you’re worrying about me? Oh Danny. I’m… okay okay, I’m not alright. I just…”

That was Danny, or at least some of Danny. A small confirmation that something more had carried over. He knew them, he could communicate and he was worrying about Jazz. Or at least that's what it looked like. He could see it in Maddie’s face. The way she still held the pistol that she was still wary. Still doubtful. It actually gave Jack a little hope that there was more of Danny in there.

“The movie is still on the table,” he offered.

Jazz nodded, “okay… I’ll try.”

[First] [Previous] [Next]

With that we have words for Danny! His mind's not all there and he doesn't know how to people but he speaks.

[loth-creatures]

I’d love to hear your wall of text about the Sion’s voyage!

Aight, so if there's one thing I hated about the show it's that the journey to a whole ass new galaxy felt like it took 5 minutes. So in my star war it takes roughly 7 weeks and it fucking SUCKS

Disclaimer; this is just a huge mess from my head, nothing is set in stone, and I'm only really planning to comicify the last few parts ;)

Also cw for some implied self-harm ideation, terrible coping mechanisms, deteriorating mental health, violence and injuries (just mentioned, not in detail)

To set the scene, they're using the training/rec room as Sabine’s prison bc Wolfbine is too big for the actual brig lol. Much to the entire crew's irritation. The first week or two they just handcuff her in a corner at blasterpoint whenever they want to use it I guess, and find a closet to lock loose equipment in. At least she gets some entertainment. She probably also gets beat up a few times (you should see the other guy) for commenting on people's techniques. But eventually they decide she probably won't try anything and stop caring she's there, so she's left alone for the most part.

She spends a lot of time working out, bc otherwise she is strongly considering bashing her head into the wall. Having to sit alone as a human and pace in circles as a wolf for days on end with the weight of her decision and all kinds of fresh guilt is doing terrible things to her head...She is also spending a lot of time trying and failing not to sob and scream in the shower when no one's around. There is also a viewport in the rec room and Sabine spends an unhealthy amount of time staring into the rainbow swirl of hyperspace. She can't tell whether or not she's hallucinating the strange shapes that occasionally drift into view, singing strange songs that she can feel more than hear. It reminds her of the ocean and she shudders and dreams of drowning, being crushed by the depths. And she dreams of Ezra alone and lost in this void. There's no easy way to break free of such thoughts when she's essentially trapped in a fish bowl.

Meanwhile, Shin hates Sabine even more now for making her a Wolfwalker. She is not adjusting well to turning into a giant beast every time she tries to sleep and on a cramped vessel with little space to stretch those legs. Having been bitten only just before boarding the Sion, she hasn't had the chance to run wild for miles with the wind in her fur; all she knows is that the journey feels twice as long and horrid when she's consious 24/7. Baylan, on the other hand, is like DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME THIS IS?! YOU SHOULD BE THANKING HER. He's not jealous persay, but. Well. Careful what you wish for...

Wolf Sabine and Shin are both getting major zoochosis smh. It's a miracle Shin hasn't killed a random crew member yet. Wolfbine behaves for maybe a week before she starts chewing up the flooring and howling and screaming husky style just to be a little shit. See how long it takes before someone threatens to shoot her, muzzle her, throw her out the airlock (not long). She can't afford to antagonize the crew too much bc there is only one person on the entire ship who wants her there and he has limited authority. Baylan is quick to remind her of this.

He also makes several attempts to talk to her and get on better terms, as he would like to learn more about the wolves. He tells her of the old fragments of stories of Wolfwalkers he found in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant and his facsination with them and how chasing such tales lead to his other ambitions. Lowkey info-dumping about all the fairy-tales and mythalogical stuff that Shin never took an interest in. Sabine is deathly bored enough to tolerate it to extent, but she is not forgiving him for 'killing' Ahsoka, for digging in her head, for putting her in this situation, and she is absolutely kicking herself for having bitten Shin. For letting anyone affiliated with the Empire close to Lothal's secrets. Too her it's put a deep crack through her promise to protect Lothal, perhaps not as much as having given Thrawn a way home, but she's going to try her damnest to undo that one, and shoves that looming guilt aside as best she can, instead spiraling about the fact that she made Shin a Wolfwalker and short of killing her there is no undoing that. So most of her conversations with Baylan end with telling him to go fuck himself.

Just now realizing I've never gone into detail about why Sabine bit Shin. It was a complete accident. Split second reaction out of pain after taking another small slice from Shin���s lightsaber during their fight on Seatos, which she was able to heal herself but it slowed her down enough for Shin to escape. With a nasty little nip to the arm.

That all said Sabine does not want to kill Shin, in fact she's just starting to feel sorry for her. Shin might be all MY ARCH NEMESIS SABINE WREN, but from the beginning Sabine is just like ugh can this random chick stop making my life harder 🙄

And if she's this miserable as a wolf rn, she can imagine what Shin's going through as a first timer, which is all her fault :( plus the fact that as wolves they are instinctively drawn to other wolves and each of their suffering seems to exacerbate the other's. They are both so lonely. 2 weeks in and (human)Sabine is bored and desperate enough to try heckling Shin into sparring with her, on the rare occasion she passes by (Shin’s been avoiding that room). 3 weeks in and Shin's gotten bored and desperate enough to accept the invitation.

I hc that during a friendly match, most Force-users will refrain from using the Force against a non-Force-user for the most part. Shin is not interested in friendly and absolutely hammers Sabine unless Baylan is there to remind her to play nice. Sabine is fine with this. She wants Shin to use the Force (come at me bro). If anyone's gonna be holding back it's Sabine. She wants to get as familiar as possible with Shin's fighting skill and habits without revealing the full extent of her own, while also slowly learning to anticipate and work around Shin’s use of the Force. That way she'll have an advantage the next time they fight for reals. It's difficult to impossible to hold back though, while still presenting enough of a challenge to keep Shin coming back for more.

While Sabine is more experienced, with a wider range of techniques and more refined skill, Shin is still skilled and powerful and it's hardly a fair fight without her armor and gear. She gets her shit rocked.

Sabine is very rarely able to beat Shin when she's using the Force. But she can withstand her. Many of their fights don't end with a quick, decisive victory so much as Shin just wearing Sabine down until she physically can't fight anymore though she refuses to tap out or surrender. Because for one, it's pissing Shin off, which is fun. And for two, ending the fight means returning to the hell that is sitting alone and staring out that window until it makes her sick in the head. She would kill a man for a single can of paint.

While Shin is toying with Sabine and using her as a bunching bag on the basis that she asked for it, keeps asking for it, doesn't know when to give up, and totally deserves it 😤, she is no easy opponent and Shin is continuously shocked by Sabine's ability to survive her. She was supposed to be just another enemy to tear through, yet has survived two murder attempts, and Shin is now stuck with her on this godforsaken ship for some reason, and she doesn't even have the grace to admit when she's defeated. Unstoppable force has met unmovable object.

Shin simultaneously resents and admires her, though doesn't quite respect her yet. And she definitely fears her a little (though she would never admit that). I kinda get the vibe that Shin’s never really lost a fight, has never truly been left for dead at the end of a battle, and the thought terrifies her. Either she is invincible or she is dead. Meanwhile Sabine can be coughing up blood and she'll be like 'cool see you tmr'✌️😎 The fact that Shin probably deleted one of Sabine's kidneys on Lothal and she seems hardly intimidated is well. Intimidating. And annoying. And hot.

I feel like at some point Baylan would point out that Shin could probably learn a thing or two from Sabine if she would stop beating the shit out of her for two seconds. Shin is already aware of that but doesn't want to admit it.

Meanwhile Sabine just doesn't care anymore what happens to her as long as she lives long enough to get off this accursed vessel, doesn't care how hurt she gets, as long as it passes the time and distracts her from her spiraling thoughts. She's offered a medic multiple times and refuses each time. She doesn't want them seeing the full extent of her injuries and then finding out she can heal herself with the wolf-magic, bc the Empire doesn't need to know about that. She only heals the worst injuries and then gaslights Shin about it. 'You did not break any ribs lol I'm fine quit flattering yourself.' Shin’s like how the fuck are you still standing.

This routine of brutally taking out their frustrations on each other is gonna get old though, and is completely unsustainable. Eventually Shin’s convinced that Sabine is just using her for pain. Which isn't wrong even if it's not the only or even primary reason Sabine keeps asking. Sabine calls her out on fighting like a coward and enjoying hurting her anyway. Shin goes and sulks for a few days after that (not without punching Sabine in face first).

Ok time out. What the hell is Shin’s deal anyway. I have only some half-baked ideas about Baylan and Shin’s...thing. They're like the closest thing we've gotten to 'grey Jedi?' I guess? I've been operating under the assumption that that's what they're essentially trying to be (though it's not what they'd call themselves), something more than Jedi, Baylan says, and that 'more' is just chasing power. They will inevitably fall completely. Probably need to watch the show again to get a better read on them tbh but I would rather not. It will hurt my feelings again :( Baylan is like the mountain. He's calm, he's steady and the darkness erodes him slowly. He thinks he's successfully toeing the line with the dark side, but his faults are most evident in Shin's training. She is like a hurricane. The Force rips through her, chaotic and volatile and her control is iron yet brittle. She hasn't known inner peace a day in her life. She just taught herself restraint in the sense that she suppresses her power until she needs it to plow through her enemies. She will fall far more quickly than her master. Baylan's teachings follow the Jedi's to an extent but once the darkness is let in, those lessons become skewed and contradicted, and Shin is a mess because of it, only mirroring her master's control on the surface. Baylan isn't the worst teacher but he is not a good one. While Shin loves and trusts Baylan, she is getting tired and frustrated following his mysterious whispers of legends to an end he never explains clearly. And she is afraid.

ANYWAY, once Shin’s done sulking, one of these days her and Sabine are gonna have a genuine conversation or two and maybe agree to an actually friendly sparring match in which they agree to not just blindly pulverize each other. They take breaks and drink water and tend to their wounds like adults. And Sabine is like you know, we could just. Hang out. As wolves at least. It would suck sooo much less if you'd come play with me as a wolf xoxo. They slowly transition into a more definitive Truce.

Shin does start hanging out in the rec room as a wolf. Sabine still isn't volunteering info on the wolf magic but she does talk about what its like being wolfwalker in general. They tussel and chase each other around, often getting too rough but also loud enough that someone will come yell at them to stfu before they really hurt each other. It's much easier to take naps as wolves too after they've had a chance to burn some energy which makes the entire ship more peaceful.

However, you can't just be the first vessel in centuries to cross between galaxies and not have some kind of disaster right? Well it turns out the strange shapes out the viewport were not hallucinations. The Sion is essentially traveling through the cosmic deep ocean and there are bigger, older things than even the Purrgil out there. Nothing has an interest in attacking the Sion, but at some point something very large drifts close enough to jolt the Sion off course and shorts out the entire system. This ends up forcing them to drop out of hyperspace in the middle of absolute fucking nowhere.

It takes a few days to get the ship running again and recalculate the jump. And here's where Sabine gets to be a hero and earn some respect around here, bc most of their mechanics are droids which also shorted out and lost power. Seeing as they are at risk of losing life support, they let Sabine help with repairs and turns out she's one of the best mechanics on board, even considering the newer technology she doesn't have as much experience with. This also allows her to get more familar with the ship and find the best places to hide out when she eventually makes her escape, while simultaneously giving the crew more reason to let their guard down on her. Including Shin.

That first loss of power is the worst but there are several more blackouts along the way. Human Sabine and Shin are almost getting along now. They still don't like each other but they are hooking up (it does not fix them), and playing card games by flashlight and truth or dare. Maybe Shin even scrounges up some art supplies for Bean. Now she can pass the time hiding sharpie dicks all over the place. They are almost friends by the time there are three days left in the journey and Sabine is preparing to make her move.

Baylan was probably the one to initiate letting Sabine have her lightsaber to sparr occasionally. He wanted to test her metal as well. I think it would be interesting if they sparred a couple times. Baylan is much more chivalrous than Shin and also goes into teacher mode about sword fighting. Sabine isn't a novice anymore but he's still far more experienced. Shin is like no no no we are not adopting her Dad NO-

So anyway escape day comes, Sabine almost cronches Baylan to death, and Shin is beyond angry. Mostly at herself for letting her guard down enough to allow this to happen, she didn't really expect Sabine to not pull something like this in the end right? It's stupid to feel betrayed when it was so inevitable. She is still 100% gonna take it out on Sabine though, especially for almost killing her master.

Despite the escape attempt, Thrawn lets Sabine go as he does in the show, in the hope that she'll lead them to Ezra’s human body. He figures if anyone could find him, it would be a fellow wolfwalker who considers him dear enough to risk the fate of her entire galaxy. Everyone else is like you're just letting her go?? After all that??? And Thrawn's just like lol what did you expect from her? That's Sabine Wren. They probably do attempt to scan the ship for sabotage but it's so huge and her kyber bomb is so small and rudimentary that they don't find it.

At this point, Sabine is run utterly ragged. Bedraggled even. Having not slept in 2 days,(no room to wolf in the Sion's walls so she just had to stay awake 💀) suffered a heart attack at Baylan's hand, and got beat up by WolfShin again. She's visibly about to collapse and Thrawn's probably like 'do you...want to spend the night before you go? And a medic?' He knows he's most likely sending her to perish in the wilderness anyway, but was hoping to give her at least a chance at finding human Ezra for them. Sabine says hell no I'm getting out of here before you change your mind.

She rides until she actually does collapse, hides her body as best she can and continues as a wolf. She figures they let her go for a reason, and plans to run in erratic circles all night every night to hopefully throw them off, only later investigating any clues she finds as human for a few sporadic hours in the day. Thrawn does send Shin to track her at a distance. If she happens to find the trail of Wolf!Ezra first, kill her. This hunt through the wild will go on for several days at least, before there's any sign of Ezra.