#She pours her heart out in a soul crushing way on a safe room wall in hopes of her love seeing it and everyone just starts shitting on it

[yurihotline]

It's even funnier cuz in between all of these serious and sad graffitis you just see someone talking about how zombies eat feet or some shit

Thinking about the graffiti on the walls in l4d and how it just feels like if Tumblr users were in the apocalypse

[viviennes-tears]

Soulmates (Loki One shot)

18+ blog: It is YOUR responsibility, as a reader, to think about the content that you consume at your own discretion. 

~

Summary: The Avengers, Earth’s mightiest heroes, sort out to avenge it from the Chitauri army and its leader the God of Mischief. As fate would have it the God comes to realise amongst the chaos that a simple wives tale is very much real and discovers a human is his soulmate.

Warnings: Mild violence, on going battle, mentions of death and near death experiences.

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The Chitauri army poured out of the massive portal which opened up in the crack of New York's skyline, causing a dark shadow to cast over a large portion of the city, the weather instantly changed to a more gloomy eclipse of mass destruction. Civilians screaming as they ran for a safe haven away from the alien creatures, abandoning their cars and other vehicles in the traffic build ups, a tremendous amount of people having to evict their homes and workplaces just in the nick of time of their demolition. Sadly not everyone was lucky during the chaos, many of which ended up suffering various injuries, while some unfortunate souls did not make it out alive at all.

Meanwhile at the heart of the attack was a God, who many only believed to have been a myth prior to his recent appearance in Germany, now he was coming at them live and in person at an astonishing rate. Alas some people had a close run-in with the God himself. Seeing up close how he terrified the 'puny humans.' Seeing the dark sunken in crazed glossed over green eyes piercing into their very souls. Seeing the sheen of sweat on his brow and the snarling animal within ready to pounce at any given moment.

During the maelstrom in a diner a few blocks down from where the attack had begun a young woman’s gaze caught the television screen that’s mounted to the wall. Seeing ‘BREAKING NEWS’ in its bold block font that stretched across the bottom of the screen while the rest of the screen was filled with an incoming live exclusive from one of the news reporters. The reporter was standing in the midst of the action that exploded behind them and she felt the aftershocks in real time. 

It unsettled her to see what was happening to the city she grew up in and loved so much, but what the worst part was seeing it herself, after she joined those who ran outside of the diner, seeing it unfold before their very eyes. A confirmation that it wasn't just some cheap hoax or unauthorised filming of a movie with special effects going off. However instead of following the moving crowd as they ran for their lives she actually ran towards the commotion, given she’s training to be a nurse and her instincts told her people needed her, always equipped with her bag of first aid on hand for anything. Yet these circumstances were never something she imagined to be on her list of possible emergencies. 

Along the way she saw flashes of men and a woman running around in spandex attire and unconventionally armed with unlikely choices of weaponry. She could even have sworn she saw a green giant of a man in only ripped trousers throwing cars at the alien creatures flying above her head. Although the consequential lives that are at steak didn’t leave room for dwelling on the absurdity she’d witness along the way. 

Once she reached the line of fire she began digging through a wreckage for survivors. During her search she found a middle aged man trapped inside his crushed car, with two cars smashed into it, one being smashed through the rear and one on the drivers side while a lamp post penetrated through the windscreen. The man looked to be unconscious and the airbag appeared to have failed. She quickly grabbed a piece of rubble and used it to smash through the passenger side window and then reached inside to pop the door open. Dropping her bag beside the car before climbing onto the passenger seat to reach over the lamp post to get to the man trapped. She managed to get her fingers on the side of his neck to check his pulse, tragically there was no signs of life, she was too late. 

A heavy and regrettable sigh escaped her lips as she climbed back out a moment later, grabbing her bag and putting it across her body once more, then continuing her search for survivors. Whilst she continued on her way she had to avoid an abundance of debris and not to draw any unwanted attention that might diverge her from her path. Without warning she witnesses a mother being struck down by one of the alien creatures, her insides being torn right out of her abdomen, being shown no mercy before collapsing lifelessly to the ground and her son left frozen in fear. Unhesitantly she immediately ran towards the boy, who quite possibly could only be five years old, and now alone. Luckily she managed to push the boy down and away from the alien creature in enough time. A man in red, white and blue suddenly intervenes, slicing off the head of the alien with a swift fling of his shield.

“You could have been killed.” Panted the man, as he caught his shield on re-entry before looking down at her cradling the boy who’s crying uncontrollably in her arms.

“I couldn’t leave the boy. I’m a nurse...or trying to be anyway.” She says, smoothing the boy's hair in an effort to bring him some comfort.

“A nurse, huh? Explains it…but all due respects ma’am, you’re better off setting up medical attention away from here. There’s bound to be hundreds of them needing your help once out of here.” Steve said, hoping she’d take his word.

“I’m not leaving when I can give people immediate help. If I left everything for the cops and the fire department there’s potentially many more who might not survive.” It was clear to him she was a stubborn one from the way she's spoken.

He sighs and comes to the decision that they’re wasting precious time, requesting for back up on his coms, which thankfully came swiftly and the boy was taken to safety. “The names Steve Rodgers, ma’am and I advise you to stay close to me.” He advises.

“Morgan Pritchards and you don’t need to worry about me, it's everyone else.” She reassures him, in spite of his hesitant look.

Nonetheless, Morgan proved to be quick upon her feet and quite stealthy too, much to Steve’s surprise, although at a time like this he was thankful all the same. He also couldn’t fault her determination and moral code over protecting the other civilians as expected of her profession.

However no matter how good Morgan had been and worked alongside Steve closely she made an untimely move which cost her footing to slip up. Then she was swept up by a strong arm encircled around her waist tightly. The contents of her bag tipped out as she was being held onto at an angle and as she peered up she realised the God of Mischief himself had captured her. 

“Hey let her go!” Steve protests angrily, as Loki takes off into the sky on the enemy’s mode of transport and sees her struggling to pray herself free of his grasp. Before Steve can do anything one of the creatures blocks his path and forces him to take them on first then ultimately losing sight of Morgan completely.

Within moments Loki lands on top of Stark Tower, keeping his arm around Morgan’s waist tightly, forcing her to walk inside against her will as his captive. She wasn’t scared, yet oddly she felt some sort of magnetic draw towards him, an unexplainable feeling as she’d never seen him before. 

“Get off!” She screeched, alas to no avail, the God ignoring her struggles against him.  

Once inside he forces her to kneel, then he raises the scepter towards her chest, but doesn’t quite get to press it against her due to the impromptu interruption of Stark’s arrival. Morgan glances over her shoulder and sees the Iron suit piece by piece disassemble from Stark’s body by robotic arms as he walks the gangway. 

“Please tell me you’re going to appeal to my humanity.” Loki says mockingly, as Stark enters the tower and watches Morgan in the corner of his eye, ensuring she doesn’t move from her place.

“Er, actually, I’m planning to threaten you.” Stark says, while taking his time to enter, also seemingly remains as cool as a cucumber, despite the circumstances and the still ongoing attack outside. Of course he clocks onto Morgan kneeling on the floor and in his mind simultaneously he is calculating the best possible option to rescue her.

“You should have left your armour on for that.” Loki replies, slightly pointing the scepter at Stark as he slowly moves towards the Billionaire. 

“Yeah seen a bit of mileage and you got the, er, glowstick of destiny…” Stark says, as he points to the scepter and takes a few steps down onto the main floor with ease. The mere mention of the scepter being dubbed with such humour had even managed to make the God smile a little out of amusement. “Would you like a drink?” Stark adds as he rounds the bar.

“Stalling me won’t change anything.” Loki said, then he glances back and catches Morgan moving, his gaze instantly freezes her back in her kneeling position. Stark also sees this and stares at her with a serious look.

“No, no, no threatening…no drink, you sure? I’m having one.” Stark says, grabbing the scotch bottle off the shelf behind the bar and then turns to look back at Loki. 

“The Chitauri are coming…nothing will change that.” Loki says, whilst pacing towards the large glass window and switches the scepter into the opposite hand. His gaze out the window was only a brief moment before turning around to face Stark. “What have I to fear?”

“The Avengers…” Stark says casually and readies to pour himself some scotch. The confusion on the God’s face causes him to pause for half a beat and roll his eyes. “It’s what we call ourselves…sort of like a team. Earth’s mightiest heroes type thing…” He explains and pours himself the scotch.

“Yes, I’ve met them.” Loki said, a hint of amusement once again in his expression and his tone in a mocking kind of way.

“Yeah, takes us a while to get any attraction, I’ll give you that one…but let’s do a head count here…your brother the demigod…” Loki scoffs at the mere mention of Thor and begins to pace back towards Morgan. “A super-soldier, living legend, who kind of lives up to the legend. And then with breathtaking anger management issues and a couple of master assassins…and YOU big fella have managed to piss off every signal one of them.”

“That was the plan.” Loki mockingly-mirthed.

“Not a great plan.” Stark dismisses before he steps away from the bar with his tumbler of scotch in hand. “When they come and they will…they’ll come for you.”

“I have an army.” The God reminds Tony.

“We have a Hulk.” Tony counter reminded the God with ease.

“Oh I thought the beast had wandered off...” The God trails off.

“You’re missing the point…there’s no throne. There’s no version of this where you come out on top...now maybe your army comes and maybe it’s too much for us, but it’s all on you. Because if we can’t protect the Earth you can be damn well sure we’ll avenge it.” Stark…then takes a sip and briefly sees Morgan crawling along the floor behind Loki quietly, but he quickly snaps his gaze back to Loki so as not to draw any attention to her.

“How will your friends have time for me?” Loki asks as he prowls towards Stark completely oblivious to Morgan crawling up towards him. “When they’re too busy fighting you…” He closes in on Stark as the scepter powers up with a strange noise before Morgan grabs near the bottom end of it, instantly receiving a sharp pain shoved into her chest and lets it go, due to Loki shoving the scepter backwards into her. 

Loki rolls his shoulders followed by him pressing the tip against Tony’s chest. Yet nothing happens much to the God’s confusion that it normally works without much effort, but also to Morgan’s relief, even after he retires his actions still nothing happens.

“Oh performance issues…not uncommon. One out of five…” Stark manages to say before Loki wraps his free hand around his throat then lurches him out of the window. Glass shattering as Stark’s body hauls through it.

“No!” Morgan yells with her arm outstretched seeing Tony falling before Loki lurches for her.

The pair wrestle on the floor with the scepter between them. She tries holding her own against him the best she can, but ends up being flung off him with the force of his godly strength and the use of the scepter. She groans as she lands sprawled out away from him on the marble flooring and takes deep in takes of breaths whilst willing for the pain to go away. As she lays there she hears a swooshing of an Iron suit deploying and follows suit behind Tony. Loki then appears in her sight, having already gotten back up on his feet and towers above her. His gaze racks over her curves with a sly smile curled up on his lips. She’s disgusted, except not entirely, as below the surface she’s slightly aroused unexpectedly. Again it disgusts her to feel that way too. When Loki’s gaze trails upwards past her chest his eyes narrowed and the sly smile dissipates, as he noticed a marking on her left wrist above her head, her sleeve had moved down during the struggle and now drew his unwanted attention. He proceeds to crotch down to her and lightly his fingers trail over the mark upon her delicate skin, following the tail of a snake, and causing Morgan to shiver. He’d read about it many moons ago, but never did he once believe it to be anything other than an old wives tale, only seeing the mark quashed any doubts he had. In that moment he realises soulmates existed and she bore proof upon her skin of his spite animal.

Suddenly Stark comes flying back in through the broken window fully armoured up once more, having survived what would have been his death, then swipes Loki off his feet with a blast from his repulsor. Immediately following Loki sliding across the floor from the blast, the Tesseract amplifies the signal just outside the Stark Tower, making way for reinforcements of the army of Chitauri to invade. Tony is quick on the upkeep and starts to fend off against the oncoming army.

Meanwhile Loki is up once more and points the scepter at Morgan. “Stay here.” He growls, as she sits propped up on her elbows and watches him walk out onto the gangway, his horns, armour and cape materialising on his person in a shimmer of gold, just as Thor flies up and lands smoothly.

“Loki!” Thor calls, in that instant his brother looks at him, a slight gasp barely audible escapes Loki’s lips seeing him.”Turn off the Tesseractor or I will destroy it.”

“You can’t.There is no stopping it. There is only the war.” Loki says menacingly, tipping the scepter down towards Thor on the balcony below the gangway.

The brothers break into a fight, during which Thor sees a glimpse of the fear in Loki’s eyes, the horror creeping into his voice as he tries to hold himself off against him. During this interlude as they spoke Morgan had come out onto the balcony and ended up pushing herself between the brothers, holding her arms out to keep them separated, heavy breaths coming from both Gods as they looked between each other and her. Despite her keeping the peace temporally between them the Chitauri were still reaping havoc on New York around them, causing the sounds of distant screaming mixed with the alarms' continuous blaring, and crumbling sounds of nearby buildings. Steve and the rest of the Avengers doing their best to avenge Earth’s threats.

“Look at this…look around you, you think this madness will end with your rule?”

“It’s too late…it’s too late to stop it.”

“No, we can together.” Regardless of Thor’s words Loki pushes Morgan aside, and with a tiny sharp blade he stabs Thor in his abdomen, making him fall to his knees. However the wet shine to his eyes doesn’t go unnoticed by her after he’d done it, but Loki growls at her when she tries to approach him.

Mercifully Thor finds the strength to get back up and body slammed Loki to the ground before he rolls off the edge of the tower and lands on the back of Chitauri transport to get away.

“Are you alright, Miss?” Thor asks gently in a breathy way.

“Yeah…yeah I’m fine...” Morgan replies, although her mind is foggy and she doesn’t seem to be able to comprehend the swirling emotions inside her.

Thor nods along before apologising that he has to leave her and returns to the fight. She understood loud and clear. After he left she rushed back inside and began raiding the place for medical supplies so she too could get back out there to help. Albeit before getting too far into her search Loki comes back crash landing on the balcony following an explosive arrow shot at him from Hawkeye. Just as Morgan was going to go out to him the Hulk appeared from nowhere and sent the God through another part of the window, more glass shattering everywhere, the echoes of a Hulk cry filled her ears. Instead of intervening this time Morgan saw the God being thrown about and Hulk smashed repeatedly after being called ‘a dull creature.’

Eventually after the dust settled, the Tessa Tesseractor destroyed, putting a stop to the portal opening and the end of the war for good. Earth’s mightiest heroes had prevailed. Morgan approached the God carefully as he laid in a creator shape of himself in the flooring. He was wheezing in pain. Instinctively she knelt down to attend to him, her moral code, keeping him alive in the aftermath of his madness. At first he wouldn’t let her touch him, he was guiding himself, although his resistance gave in at the end. The fog cleared from his mind enough as he looked into her brown eyes and the unusual fluttering of his heart. When he seemed calm she took care of him, her hands soft on his skin and so attentive.

Later as Thor arrested his brother for his crimes Loki paused and looked Morgan over from head to toe. The other’s kept a watchful eye in case Loki tried anything.

“If it’s all the same to you…I’ll have that drink now.” Loki says huskily, biting his lower lip and his eyes darkened with desire, as he drank in her form.

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@jennyggggrrr @foxherder

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Source: @viviennes-tears

[miiamour]

Hi!!!! I don’t know if you are taking requests, but could you write some ron weasly angst??? Maybe with a fluff ending? Maybe him making the reader feel insecure or something like that, I don’t know :) Love your writing so much :):)

am i that girl you dream of?

fem!slytherin!reader x ron weasley

summary: you and ron are in a secret relationship— scared of what others will think, but it still doesn’t stop you from getting insecure when he’s flirted with.

warnings: angst, fluff at the end, mentions of cheating, insecurities in relationship, alcohol, illusions to sex/making out hermione slander but only if you squint.

word count: 1.7k

a/n: eek thank you for the request <3 btw i’m literally 4 away from 200 so hopefully this helps me hit 200!

⊱ ──── ˗ˏˋ✧*♡*✧´ˎ˗ ────⊰

the smell of alcohol lingered throughout the room, along with the slight aroma that sweaty teenagers gave off when they’re dancing against each other. the lights in the gryffindor common room were slightly dimmed with a red tint, but still bright enough to see hermione granger flirting with your boyfriend.

granted, she didn’t know— nobody did, but that didn’t mean she have to grab onto his arm every time time he made a joke. it was upsetting to say the least, but it technically wasn’t your place to say anything but it took every ounce of self control to not walk over there and kiss him, showing everyone that ron belongs to you or ram hermione’s head into the wall; either worked for you.

you and ron had been secretly dating for a few months. you were both terribly afraid of what others thought, him more than you; he was a gryffindor with slytherin hating friends and you were a slytherin.

honestly, it was but fun in the beginning; pretending to hate each other, sneaking around, the thrill of possibly getting caught was exhilarating but now, now it just exhausting. you were tired of simply just hanging out in his dorm when no one was around; you wanted to be able to hold his hand in the halls and go out in hogsmeade dates like regular couples.

at times you questioned if he was ashamed of you but he assured you that he wasn’t— although you weren’t so sure now, it had been months and he had yet to tell a soul about the two of you and he was allowing hermione to hopelessly flirt with him.

to be fair, you weren’t sure if ron was even aware that she was flirting or not. but you, you knew. the whole common room could’ve seen it but ron wouldn’t recognize a flirt attempt if it danced naked in front of him wearing dobby’s tea cozy.

but you couldn’t do anything about it; you simply stood there, watching the boy you weren’t supposed to love but did, as girl— who, now that you think about it, is prettier— flirt with him.

your usual self confidence was being teared down, bit by bit, as you watched hermione bat her eyelids at your boyfriend. your finger danced along the rim of your red solo cup that was previously filled with beer, some muggle alcohol— which is nothing like butterbeer.

you honestly couldn’t blame ron, just look at her; she had perfect smile, big doe like brown eyes, and she was smart— ron always admired that about her. you knew that ron had a crush on hermione prior to the two of you dating but he always assured you that he didn’t have any feelings towards her anymore but watching them flirt gave you doubts.

“hey y/n, you alright?” blaise zabini had interrupted your thoughts, he attempted to look in the direction of your gaze “weasley? why’re you staring at him? you fancy him or something?” he asked teasingly.

“what? no! i’m not staring, i just— just zoned out, that’s all” you lied as you turned to the drink table to pour grab something stronger— firewhiskey.

blaise and you had been bestfriends since your first year, and you hadn’t told him about you and ron. you felt a bit guilty about it but ron always told you that you guys could tell people when the time was right, but the time was never right.

“alright then, but if you do fancy him you better hurry up because seems like him and hermione are going up to his dorm” he said casually while pointing his hand in their direction, ron and hermione were walking up towards the boy dormitory.

you turned so fast, you were sure your neck would’ve snapped. “what!” you felt your face redden and your stomach was doing flips.

“y/n!?” blaise called out after you but you were already half way to ron’s dorm.

your heart beat faster with every step you took, exasperation flooding through your veins. your hand— your body shook as it gripped on the door handle, you quickly prayed that what you thought what was going on, wasn’t actually going on.

you forcefully opened the door, the first thing you see being ron— shirtless. “ronald weasley! what the bloody hell do you think you’re doing!” you yelled out at him as if the door didn’t startle them enough.

“y/n! hey, what— what’re you doing here?” his eyes bulging out of his sockets as he jerks his head towards hermione.

“y/n?” hermione yelled out as she backed up away from ron with a rag in her hand.

you ignored hermione and turned to ron, “what am i doing here? i see you walk up to your dorm with another girl! what do expect me to do?” you walked closer to him, pushing on his bare chest with your finger.

“what? another girl?“ hermione mumbles to herself. “if i may—“ she interjects only for you to put your free hand in her face and shout out, “no!”

“how dare you ron! if you didn’t want to be with me anymore, just say so! merlin, you are infuriating—

“no, love, hermione spilled firewhiskey on my shirt!” he throws his hands up in defense as you kept walking towards him until his legs hit foot of his bed.

“i don’t give a damn if hermione spilled—“ you stopped yourself once you properly processed his words “she spilled firewhiskey on you?” you looked between ron and hermione, she was holding a rag, helping ron get cleaned up.

“yes, darling, firewhiskey; that’s why we came up here and why my shirt’s off” he explained before reaching for another shirt to slip on, and before you could apologize hermione spoke.

“l-love? darling? wait, wait— are you two together?” hermione babbled out like a fish out of water.

“surprise!” ron mocked jazz hands,

“nearly eight months” you add.

hermione’s nostrils flared as she walked up to ron “why. didn’t. you. tell. me.” she hit him with the rag between each word.

“y/n, i apologize if he has done anything stupid in the last eight months; he hadn’t had a girl tell him what he’s doing wrong” she said half-jokingly.

well now you felt worse; you thought hermione had tried to after ron, they really were just friends.

“i’ll leave you two alone now” hermione began to walk out the door, “oh and don’t worry, i won’t tell anyone; secrets safe with me” she said after peering her head through the door and ‘zipping’ her lips together and throwing away the key.

you sat next to ron, your heart was slowing down from the fast pace it was previously going at. after a few moments you started, “i’m sor—“

“i’m sorry” ron interrupted.

“why’re you sorry? i’m the one who went all crazy girlfriend.” you shifted closer to him.

“it’s understandable. if i saw you go up to your dorm with another guy, let’s be honest, i’d be way crazier” he placed a hand on your knee and sparks erupted. you were so sensitive to his touch that even the slightest graze of an elbow when you sat next to each other left your stomach doing flips.

“but i still shouldn’t have. you assured me that you and hermione were just friends and i didn’t believe you— i was just being insecure” you said the last part i’m a quiet voice, slightly hoping that he didn’t hear.

ron moved closer to you and wrapped an arm around you “there is no need to be insecure, you’re the only girl i want to be with”

“am i?” you asked, shifting away from ron.

“what’s that supposed to mean? there aren’t any other girls that flirt with me— right?” ron’s eyebrows furrowed.

“this isn’t about girls flirting won’t you l, i’m just saying— do you really want to be with me? am i that girl you dream of?” you stood up in front of him. your throat burned with every breath.

“of course i want to be with you!” this time he stood up.

“then why do act like you’re ashamed? why do we have to keep our relationship hidden?” you yelled out, partially startling ron. tears brimmed your eyes but you refused to let them down.

he walked up to you and grabbed the sides of you face. ron’s eyes were glossy and sunken; filled with guilt and sympathy. “i am not ashamed of you. i’m scared of what people would think about us— people would think ‘what a weird couple, she’s way too fit for him” he flayed his arms mockingly.

you playfully slapped his shoulder, “you care way too much about what others think, ron. besides, i’m tired of sneaking around.” you said more seriously.

“so what? you want to break up?” ron sat back down on the bed and pressed his lips together to keep from smirking.

you took a deep breath to keep yourself from ripping ron’s head off, “no, i— ugh, nevermind” you began to walk away

“i’m joking!” ron gently tugged your arm, and pulled you towards so you stood in between his legs. “y/n, do you want to be my public girlfriend?” he asked you as he wrapped his arms around you.

you put a finger to your chin, pretending to be thinking about it. “hmm, no thanks” you replied.

ron began poking and tickle at your sides.

“you know, if this is your way of getting me to be your girlfriend— stop it!— it’s not a very good one” you giggled in between words.

“merlin, you’re lucky i love you” ron breathed out, not quite realizing what he said.

“you what?” you asked breathlessly.

“oh shit, erm— i love you. yeah. i love you. that’s okay right? i mean you don’t have to say it back but if you want—“

you interrupted ron by kissing him, “i love you too” you mumbled against his lips.

everything worked out. ron loved you and you loved him back. fireworks erupted in your stomach every time you kissed him and your brain went foggy; focusing on nothing but him.

turns out that you are that girl he dreams of.

taglist: @keepawaythenargles @anywherebuthere @myloveforluna click here to join!

[sailorhyunjinz]

𝕴𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕷𝖔𝖘𝖙 𝕾𝖔𝖚𝖑𝖘 𝐈

© 2021 SailorHyunjinz ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 

Pairing; Bartender!Changbin x Fem!reader (she/her pronouns)

Warning ; ANGST!! SMUT!! skz side characters, semi-slow burn, hurt/comfort, strangers to lovers, depiction of mental disorders, consumption of alcohol, under the influence, self hatred, complicated family relationships, depersonalisation/derealisation, depression, alternative universe, implications of su-cide, semi su-cide attempt, su-cidal!reader, mentions of bl-od and injury, mentions of k-dnapping and murder, alcoholism, mentions of selfh-rm, mentions of knifes, gaslighting, smoking, mentions of weapons, mentions of pregnancies, a bunch of crying, fainting, toxic masculinity. 

𝘕𝘚𝘍𝘞 ; piv, protected sex (use of condom), missionary, dry humping, nicknames, sex in semi-public place, fingering, corruption kink if you squint, orgasm (m/f), cum,,,, other then that it’s kinda vanilla. 

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 ; 14.3 k 

O N E ｜ T W O 

From one survivor to another; cheers you guys. 

                         ⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ Playlist ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

[FEEL SOMETHING DIFFERENT - Bea Miller, Aminè]

[Multi-Love - Unknown Mortal Orchestra]

[Beach Baby - Bon Iver]

[High Enough - K.Flay]

[Dope Lovers - DPR IAN]

[Make Out in My Car ; Sufjan Stevens Version - Sufjan Stevens]

[I Feel it Coming ; The weekend, Daft Punk]

[Space Song ; Beach House] (ah the loml and the album is called depression cherry so it makes me happy) 

𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥.

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 18.

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈 ; 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐲

“Let me out!! LET ME OUT!”

You cry out, banging on the heavy wooden door until your knuckles bruise, red marks leaving their traces on your soft skin. The only lightsource is the tiny cell window, sun shining brightly and illuminating thousands of dust specks, floating around you like your lost hopes. The grey cement walls got closer and closer, seconds ticking in your head like a clock. 

This is it.

This is how you die. 

Crushed to death like a bug, your ambitions never getting their chance to prove themselves. All that you ever wanted to achieve was an impossibility as you were slowly but surely pressed together in the ever shrinking room. 

Salty tears roll down your cheek, a feeling of hopelessness washing over you as you turn your back against the door, sliding down to your feet, banging the back of your head lightly against the entrance.

You feel the rough walls hitting both sides of your forearms, a last ear deafening scream leaving your parted lips.

Until you woke up. 

With a series of jerking motions you sit up, panting like you just ran a marathon, the pounding of your heart audible to you. Darkness swallowed you as the night progressed, you considering yourself lucky to find yourself in your comfortable bed, still in your room. 

Only after minutes do you notice your wet cheeks, the tears not being limited to your dream world. You blink, your coated eyelashes weighing heavy on your eyelids as you wipe tears with the back of your hand. The shock from your dream didn’t reside, you now being too afraid to fall back on your plushy pillow, fearful of what horrible dreams awaited you on the other side. 

You grab your phone from the nightstand, immediately being hit with a bright light causing you to squint and turn away momentarily. 

[Search: being crushed dream meaning]

Multiple articles from all sorts of sketchy websites popped up, you clicking on the first one. 

“Stress or emotionally overwhelmed” 

You laugh lazily, the dream making sense as you feel yourself slipping back into a peaceful slumber, phone still in hand as the muscles in your face relax, jaw opening, your dream world once again inviting you for a dance. 

The sun woke you up with it’s radiant rays shining in your face, the closed blinds barely able to withstand them. Your phone was lying on the floor face down, you must have dropped it while sleeping you thought before rubbing your eyes from any dirt and staring up at the ceiling. 

Another day

Another day that I’m here.

You wish you could pull the covers over your head, get lost in your own mind and never deal with the outside world ever again. But you had to. 

You picked up your phone from the dusty floor that hadn’t been cleaned for weeks, you simply didn’t have the motivation to do it. The bright phone screen awaked you, you blinked your eyes a couple of times to see clearer. 

[3 Missed Calls - Mom]

You couldn’t be bothered to call her back. She was only gonna nag at you for not calling back earlier, wondering what you’ve been up to now that you’ve been fired from your job as a receptionist at the local hotel. What were you gonna say? Drinking too much booze and crying yourself to sleep every night? You couldn’t, that would only hurt her. 

Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

You got up, legs wobbling as you stumbled to the bathroom, head pounding from the amount of alcohol you consumed the night prior. Not with friends but alone, in your living room, in the one room apartment you no longer could afford. 

Ice cold water splashed onto your sweaty face, that being the only hygiene you could muster today. You turned the tap off, grabbing a towel and wiping your face and looking deep into your own eyes. 

That’s not me.

That’s not me looking back. 

You poked your tongue out, hoping the figure in the mirror wouldn’t move and you could confirm your thoughts but alas the figure followed you. You felt crazy, it was as if you’ve died a long time ago but still saw everything that happened. You could stick your hand through a wall and it would disappear you thought, nothing was real. Not even you. 

You entered your mess of a living room, seeing the wreck from yesterday night. Countless green glass bottles scattered on the table in front of the tv that was your only escape from reality. Blankets and pillows were thrown across the floor along with a box of tissues, your emotions bubbling up to the surface too often resulting in you crying and shaking on the floor, a feeling of fear washing over you late at night. 

You felt alone.

But you weren’t.

Fuck, why were you so ungrateful? You had everything. A roof over your head, a family that loves you, friends, food on the table. Yet, even this couldn’t satisfy you. You blamed yourself for everything. 

For your work firing you.

For your parents divorcing.

For your own pathetic life.

You shook your head as if you were shaking the negative thoughts out of your head, instead grabbing a couple of the empty bottles that were reeking with the scent of liquor and placing them on the kitchen counter. ‘Cleaning up’ in your eyes.

With a thump your back landed against the couch that swallowed you, engulfing you in a comforting embrace you got from no other person or object. This was your safe space you thought but not even your couch could save you from your intrusive reasonings. With a light click on the remote the tv screen lit up, your eyes still not used to the brightness since you’re always cooped up in your apartment where the blinds were always closed, another barrier between you and reality. 

Nature documentaries, your favorite.

The calming male voice of the narrator being the only one you talked to during your lonely days. The animals could make you forget. They lived so freely, moving wherever they wanted without a care in the world, either swimming, hopping or flying. You wish you were born as another animal than human. 

“The 52-hertz whale travels an astonishing 70 km a day but it’s voyage doesn’t bring social interactions. This whale is the loneliest whale in the world. It’s the only whale that is capable of emitting a whale call at such frequency, no other individuals communicating with the poor creature.”

You sat up in curiosity. It was a scream for help you thought. The whale needed help, it needed someone or something.

Just like you. 

You sighed, watching the lonely whale on your tv screen, seeing it’s gracious movements despite its size. It did look lonely in that deep dark sea, wondering how it would be to fall into the abyss of water, swallowing you whole and erasing the life that once sparked your soul. 

This was where you spent your entire days. The clock on the wall is ticking but the digits it displayed are oblivious to you. What did it matter if it was 5 pm or 1 am? You were still not gonna budge from your comforting seat on the couch. Drinking your feelings away no matter what time in the day. 

This was you. 

This was who you had become.

The sun started to set on the horizon, a delicate shade of light purple descending over it, covering the end of the world like the way a canopy covers the softness of a bed. You sigh, diverting your focus back on the tv screen after momentarily observing the life outside your window. Yet again, nature documentaries accompanied by the soft male voice, narrating every movement of the colibri that fluttered it’s wings at the speed of light on your screen in vivid colors. 

You got that look in your eyes. That look of amazement which you now only had when looking at the beautiful colors of a exotic bird. You moved closer to the tv screen in the now dark living room, the sun setting at a fast pace. It reminded you of the many times your mom shouted at you to not sit so close to the screen, scaring you by saying that you’d get rectangular eyes. 

Your childhood.

The only time you felt ease. 

The only time your family was as one. 

“y/n, what does your heart look like?” the therapist asked, scribbling mindlessly on a notepad.

“it’s a muscle that pumps blo-” you started but were quickly cut off. 

“no, I mean what does your heart look like, how does it feel?”

You sighed, looking down at the grey marbled floor, your legs shaking in nervousness. You hesitated before speaking, scrambling in your mind to say something sensible before the words came pouring out of you.

“i-it looks like a house. A dark, empty house,,, but it’s comforting.”

Once again you heard the sound of a pencil writing incoherent sentences. Curious as to know what secrets were on that piece of A5-paper.  

���is there anyone in the house with you?” the therapist inquired. 

You shook your head before speaking. 

“I don’t want to let anyone in, this is my safe space” you say, almost setting up an emotional barrier, not wanting to answer further questions. 

The person sitting across from you hummed as you stared out the window behind them, the green ivy bushes already grown tall enough to cover half of the grimy window. 

“is the house empty?” they asked to which you shook your head once again, avoiding the glassy-eyed stare of the therapist. 

“no,,, there are dusty furniture covered in white cloths and-,,, and family photos in the drawers.” 

“is it your family?” 

You shook your head in disagreement.

“How did you end up here?” 

You thought for a second, puffing out your cheeks, a habit of yours. You searched for a reason but not finding any. 

“I just,,, was here one day.”

“The sun never shines here.” you added after a solid 30 seconds of silence. 

You were stuck in that house.

The house that was once filled with happy memories of another family, you simply a ghost that was now trying to fit the broken pieces together, wanting desperately to see them smiling again. 

Tears started forming in your eyes, a shiny gloss over your orbs. 

But you never cried.

Not in front of others. 

You thought often about that visit. Why your heart was an desolate house and why the words spilled out of you like a poisonous liquid.

You closed your eyes, the bright colors fluttering behind your eyelids as the comforting sounds of the woods blasted from the tv. 

You wish you could be somewhere else. 

Anywhere but here. 

A single tear rolled down your cheek as a smile creeped up on your face, your butt against the floor as your knees were underneath your chin, your entire figure curled up into a small ball. 

You sighed as your eyes fluttered open again. You were still here, in your apartment that smelled like nothing but alcohol and disappointment. 

Firmly planting both your hands on the wooden floor you heaved yourself up with the intention of getting more tissues, the blue colored tissue box on the floor being as empty as others expectations of you. 

But as you stood up the entire room started spinning, small specks of rainbow flashing by your eyes. You thought you stood up to quickly grabbing onto the wall for a second before collapsing against it, your entire body shaking. You cried louder, thinking you were about to pass out. Your hair stuck to your tear stained cheek as your puffy eyes closed once again. 

What was happening?

The rain hit your unconscious body, your knees scraped from the concrete you lied on. You were soaked from head to toe, lying with your cheek against the ground in a puddle of rain. You woke up from your head pounding, your bloody knees only gaining your attention after you’ve looked around in a confused daze.

It was empty. An alleyway in the dark night. You found yourself panicked, anxiety bubbling inside of you. That’s when you saw it. A single street light above a red phone booth. You tried to stand up but fell over again as your legs could barely hold you up, now scraping your elbow against the gritty ground. 

Crying out, you started shouting for help. 

“HELP!! SOMEBODY HELP!” 

You screamed at the top of your lungs, voice cracking as your tears started to look identical to the rain that was pouring over your cold, helpless body. Nobody came, your voice only echoing against the wall that the phone booth stood near to. 

You got on all fours, crawling towards the light as pure pain shot through your body, small pebbles jabbing into the open wounds on your knees. You needed shield from the rain. Desperate huffs and groans escaping your parted lips as you dragged yourself through small puddles, the phonebooth seemingly getting further and further away from you. Looking through the soaked curtains that was your hair you were determined, this was life or death you thought as you continued to shout out for help, it appeared to be useless since the only other sound besides your own voice was the rain hitting the ground. 

Shivering hands grabbed onto the corner of the crimson red phonebooth, the streetlight illuminating your teary eyes. You held onto that frigid and wet piece of metal as if you were holding onto a treasure. 

As if you won a race.

As if you pleased your parents.

You looked up, dragging the inner side of your leg against the concrete, your pyjama pants wet to the bone. Desperately you got yourself together, your arms shaking as the rough pads of your hands met the ground, pushing yourself up into a standing position. You hissed at the pain in your knees as you grabbed onto the metal handle that opened the phonebooth, stepping inside.

The inside was surprisingly warm, as if someone had been there moments prior. A ripped piece of paper was taped on the glass pane to the right of the payphone, something that seemed like a phone number but could impossibly be since it wasn’t a full number. 

[1800-xxx]

You looked at the payphone and then back at the washed out paper, the edges of the note curling and stained with yellow. Only when you looked back at the phone again did you notice the keypad. To your surprise there was an “x” button. Your head felt heavy, deciding to lean it against the other side of the stuffy phone booth, your hot breath creating steam on the glass.

You wanted to wake up from this nightmare. 

Your entire body ached, let alone the blood that was dripping down your leg. The rusty payphone connected to the actual phone, a black handle connected to the underside of the machinery by a coiled metal rope. You picked up the phone, putting it against your ear and groaned when you remembered that you needed coins in order for the payphone to work

[0.5 gold/minute] 

You rubbed your eyes. Gold? You sighed loudly, your knees barely being able to hold your weary body any longer. Hesitant fingers pressed the number that was jot down on the lined note, pressing each key accordingly. You pressed the last x before you pressed the “call” button, not expecting anything to happen. 

But after a few seconds a female automated voice spoke to you. 

“Thank you for calling. This place only appears to the suffering. If you are receiving this call, congratulations! Your prayers have been answered. Drink the liquid in the paper cup above this payphone. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

The voice lagged, a static sound accompanying the automated voice. Your breath got shaky as you looked around, holding the phone close to your ear with both hands. This could only be some sort of kidnapping scheme or this was a sick dream. 

“It’s a dream, y/n. Calm down, nothing's gonna hurt you.”

You muttered to yourself, pinching your forearm tightly and wincing from pain. This wasn’t a dream after all. 

Your gaze landed on the brown paper cup that was balancing delicately on top of the payphone, your cracking knuckles reaching for it as you let the phone fall out of your grasp, being caught mere inches from the sticky floor of the photobooth by the coil. Bringing the cup closer to your face you saw a dark viscous liquid that smelled sweet enough to sting your nose. Your face contorted into disgust, debating on whether not to drink the contents of the paper cup. 

“Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

The voice continued ringing in your ears. You had nothing to lose. If you died then you at least got what you wanted. Holding your breath, you brought the cup closer to your quivering lips, parting them slightly as you held your nose tightly, not wanting to feel whatever horrible taste could be found in that dark pit of goo. 

It burned the moment it hit the delicate taste buds on your tongue, your voice muffled as the fluid descended down your throat, your larynx bobbing up and down with each gulp. Despite covering your nose you could taste the pungent sweetness, it tasted like pure acid. Not that you knew what that tasted like but what you assumed it would. 

You coughed, accidentally spilling some of the goo on the floor, dribbling out of your mouth. The heavy rain pitter-pattered against the metal roof above your head, your eyelids threatening to shut. The cup fell out of your hand as you slammed your forehead against the payphone, not hard enough to bleed but hard enough to bruise. Your jawbone hurt from how much you’d been crying, eyes puffy as the salty tears mixed with the rain droplets on your face.

“i-i’m sorry mom, i’m so fucking sorry.”

You rolled your forehead left to right against the rusty material of the payphone, your soaked hair covering your empty eyes. Your knees bent under you causing you to fall on your butt with your knees clinking against each other, the sticky contents on the floor sticking to the soft fabric of your pants. 

“I’M SO SORRY!”

You never thought a scream this loud could protrude its way out of your throat, the vibrations bouncing off the glass that to your surprise didn’t break. Everything started to become shades darker, almost as if a black and white filter settled over your vision. 

No, this is how you’re gonna die.

Alone.

In the rain. 

“Hyung, what are you gonna do with her?”

Muffled club music struck your ear along with a high pitched ringing, your eyelids felt as heavy as they’d been in the phonebooth. With your head pounding you slowly open your eyes, first not seeing anything but darkness before eight unknown men form a circle around you, hovering above you. 

You shoot up from your lying position, fear overtaking your body. Where were you but more importantly why the fuck were you alone in a dark room with 8 young men? Not thinking straight, you decided to scream once again, thinking they would back off and let you be.

“Get away from me!!”

The males covered their ears, groaning in pain and a blonde boy throwing himself on the floor, rolling around. 

“HEY!! HEY! WE’RE NOT GONNA HURT YOU!”

A strong voice overpowered yours, every word almost sounding like a grunt. You around, seeing that you were sitting on a soft leather couch before looking up at the male that was standing right infront of you. He was muscular, his biceps sitting snugly in the tight black t-shirt that covered him, a grey apron tied around his waist and his dark hair shielding his intense gaze and furrowed eyebrows. He had a jaw so sharp you could cut silence with it but silence was the last thing this room had. The boys were shouting at each other, trying to hush the others while screaming themselves. 

“SHUT UP!!”

The room got quiet as the muscular guy roared, the seven other individuals coming to a halt. You looked at them all with a puzzled expression, all of them handsome, a fact you couldn’t deny. 

“Where the fuck am I, who are you guys and p-please don’t kill me”

Your voice cracked at the end of your sentence as your eyes twinkled, tears teasing the corners of your eyes, fingers shaking in fear. The male closest to you sat down, the weight of the couch shifting. He rubbed his hand together before he started speaking in a calmer voice.

“I’m Changbin, bartender of the Lost Souls nightclub. That’s Chan, security guard.”

With his chin, he pointed at a guy in ripped black jeans with a white t-shirt, a sweatband across his forehead, pushing his slightly curly hair back. He didn’t look like a security guard, the only thing that might have pointed to that was the walkie-talkie hanging from his belt. You nodded before Changbin continued.

“And those are some friends, frequent visitors if you will.”

A light haired boy with shiny rhinestones under his eyes stepped forward after he’d been hugging the tallest guy in the room the entire time. 

“u-uhm, the name’s Felix! This is Hyunjin, Seungmin, Jeongin, Jisung and Minho, and yeah those two, Chan and Changbin.”

He pointed at each guy respectively and the room filled with small “hi’s” and smiles. They didn’t look threatening, all of them being very timid and looking down at the ground. Your gaze diverted back to Changbin that was staring at you the entire time.

“Can somebody tell me where I am?”

Changbin cleared his throat, stomping his boot a couple of times. 

“This is gonna sound,,, interesting but you have to believe me-”

You interrupted the muscular boy, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, noticing that it had dried. 

“Why should I believe you? We’ve just met?”

Changbin sighed. 

“Just,,, hear me out”. You nodded before he continued.

“You answered a phone call right?”

Nodding once again your gaze drifted towards the other boys that were looking at Changbin with googly eyes.

“Well,,, this place only appears to those who are,,, struggling with themselves. Obviously you don’t have to tell us why you’re here but,,, this is a place to let go. The only rule here is no fighting”

“Or dancing on the tables” the tall blonde boy added with a snark causing a squirrel-like boy to giggle, playfully hitting the blonde before looking at Chan who glared back at him, the boy being flustered and turning serious again. Jisung, his name was. 

“W-what did that phonebooth do,,, does everyone go through that?” you asked with a curious tone.

“Usually it’s a pleasant experience going in that phonebooth, the sun shining and people hanging around that alleyway before taking the phonecall and drinking the elixir,,, there must have been a glitch in the system.”

He sounded unsure, scratching the back of his head as he looked at all of the boys. 

“System? What system? I’m dreaming, right?” you said in panic, wanting to get out of this oddly suffocating room. 

“W-we are real and you’re not dreaming,,, it’s just that, we can’t meet in real life you know? This is a place to,,, let oneself go and I know it’s scary since you only get here randomly, it must have been hard passing out like that,,”

A boy with fluffy light brown hair and a pretty eye smile said, Seungmin! You remembered his name because you thought it fitted him, sounding both soft and sharp at the same time. 

“y-yeah,,, it was scary b-but thank you for caring about me” you said with a half smile

“oh! and also, we treated all your wounds, luckily you were passed out so you couldn’t feel the pain but let me tell you,,, it looked awful, I don’t understand how you did that Chan” Jisung remarked with wide eyes, looking at you concerned before turning to Chan.

“Did what?” you inquired to which Jisung responded.

“Removing the pebbles in your wounds, h-how did you even get those in there?” he asked to which you tried to remember, seeing hazed memories of you crawling on the asphalt in the storming rain.

“I was crawling towards the phone booth'' you said quietly as the boys gazed at you with concern. The atmosphere got dusked and in an attempt to lift the mood you cleared your throat, lightly running your hands over the bandaids that were plastered on your scraped knees, wincing from the contact. 

Changbin made eye contact with Chan, jerking his head towards the door to signal for him and the other boys to leave the room. Chan nodded and patted Jeongin on the shoulder, trying to scoot all the boys out of the room like a shepherd leading a bunch of silent sheep.

“Let’s have some fun! Drinks on me boys~” Chan exclaimed to get the boys off their worried thoughts about you, the curly haired male closed the door quietly and both you and Changbin stayed silent until the footsteps were faint on the other side of the black wooden door. 

“Is this better?” Changbin said with a slight smile at the end. “They can be quite the bunch sometimes, either they’re very much off the deep end or they’re just a rowdy mess” he laughs, looking out in the distance before he looks at you with your knees under your chin, holding your legs close to your body.

“So,,, we’re all here for similar reasons?” you mumbled, holding your gaze stable on his dark eyes.

“yeah,,, pretty much. We’ve all dealt with something mentally draining and of course you don’t have to tell but I just want you to know that nothing will hurt you here.” Changbin replied. 

“I do want to tell,,, but it’s just that I don’t want to be alone about it. I’ve never been around people that have shared the same experiences.”

Changbin slid closer to you on the couch, putting one leg over the other. 

“It’s like that for,,, almost every single individual in the club, we all want to tell our stories and this is the place to do it. No one is gonna judge you for it. I remember thinking that when I first got here, ‘everyone is gonna judge me for not drinking’.”

Changbin’s last sentence caught your attention.

“but aren’t you the bartender? shouldn’t you know all the,,, liquors and such?”

Changbin sighed and you regretted you sentence, thinking that maybe you asked a too personal question. 

“I do know them but not in the way one should.” 

Something clicked in your head when the boy uttered those words. You nodded silently, letting your gaze fall to your wounded knees as your shaky voice spoke;

“So do I” 

Changbin’s gaze was fixated on the floor as he shared what was on his mind. 

“But no one judged me,,, eh,,, I never asked for your name!” the boy said to which you giggled, reassuring Changbin that you were in a stable state.

“It’s y/n, nice to meet you!” you said, stretching your hand forward to shake his. Changbin smiled towards your gesture.

“pretty name, angel” he said, shaking your hand and noticing how small it was in his grasp, the cold metal of his rings contrasting to your now warm hands. He didn’t let go immediately, instead holding your hand and feeling it’s warm temperature, running his thumb across your knuckles softly. You snarked at his comment.

“angel? didn’t know we had established pet names for each other in barely 10 minutes of meeting.” 

“and I didn’t know angels landed in this place” he said back. “i’ve had to deal with 7 annoying boys that never listen to me,,, well, 8 but one of them,,, disappeared.”

You nodded, not wanting to overstep any boundaries by asking about that 8th guy incase it was an emotional topic. 

“how is it? working with alcohol despite having quite a rocky relationship to it?”

The buff boy hummed, drumming his fingers on the seat next to him. 

“It’s better than one might think. I get to be around it without engaging in the activity myself, simply serving clients and the boys  already know it, we look out for each other. Like a family you know!” Changbin said with a happy tone, not wanting the conversation to get you in a bad mood after all you’ve been through that night.

“family,,, could use one of those” you joked and Changbin actually laughed which you’ve never felt with anyone before, the only response you usually got was your therapist writing down your self deprecating jokes with their orange lead pencil.

“you’re always welcome to us” he said, letting go of your hand that now felt empty. You felt safe. There was no way of describing it but you felt this caring aura around this man, drawing you closer to him. 

“how long does this last? i’m guessing you go back to ‘the real world’ again at some point” you spoke, making quotation marks with your hands.

“it depends, it’s different every time but you will pass out just like you did when you got here but you won’t go back to the phone booth, you’ll wake up where you were last in real life. Time goes on in the real world but here,,, clocks don’t really work. We’ve tried bringing clocks or phones with us but the digits don’t change.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. This had to be a dream. 

“w-whats with the gold on the phone? Does money exist in this,,, universe?” you asked with confusion to which Changbin shook his head.

“no, drinks are free and so are the phone calls, i have no idea why the phone booth says that or why Chan said that drinks are on him, he must have been stressed trying to get the boys out of here” Changbin said to which you giggled.

“i-is there any time where you never return?” you asked, earning a bittersweet smile from the male.

“yeah,,, if those issues you have get resolved but,, that rarely happens. Destructive behaviours feed of each other. Get rid of one and it gets replaced with another.”

You recognised that. It was always something, you could never live in peace without feeling the need to self sabotage. 

“Poor innie knows that too well” he added with an acerbic tone. 

“innie?” you tilted your head in question, gazing around the dark room that was rather empty, only a couple of dark colored shelves on the wall and the couch you were sitting on along with the ceiling lamp that was stingy with it’s light.

“Jeongin, the youngest among us. Poor boy has been through it all, if it’s not drugs it’s self harm and Minho is a real dick sometimes, bringing pocket knives in “defense”. He’s delusional, thinking everyone is out to get him and Jeongin knows this. We’ve found our precious little boy in the bathroom too many times, holding those stupid knifes Minho keeps having on him and crying till his cheeks puff up.”

You took a mental note to keep your distance from Minho, feeling bad for Changbin that had to be amidst this mess while dealing with his own emotions. You could relate, being the emotional pillar between your parents that hated each other to the brink of physical violence. There’s always someone that has to suffer because of other people's problems. 

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Changbin.” you managed to stutter out, not knowing what else to add to the conversation.

“Ah,,, don’t be, y/n! Just take good care of yourself, that’s what matters the most to me” Changbin said. You smiled, moving closer and hovered your hand above his shoulder.

“Can I?” you asked quietly to which Changbin nodded and moments later felt your warm hand patting his back. He felt listened to. Understood. And even though he was yet to tell you his entire life story he knew that you were different from the others. You actually cared about him. 

The room started spinning again and you clutched onto Changbin’s black t-shirt, trying to stabilize yourself. Those rainbow colored speckles you had seen earlier appeared again, vision blurring right in front of your eyes. 

“y/n? how are you?” Changbin’s voice was worried but he knew what was happening. 

“it’s spinning again, I t-think I’m gonna pass,,, out” you muttered, 

“It’s alright y/n, I’m here yeah?” His rough voice distinguished itself from his comforting words as you held onto the dark haired boy, a faint smell of tobacco interlacing with the air you breathed in through your nose. Your two arms were now wrapped around the male with your face against his broad shoulder, eyes shutting as tightly as they could, face contorting into fear until everything disappeared. The vague beats of the music. The pain that ached from your knees. The feeling of finally finding home in someone's arms. 

Everything turned into nothing in Changbin’s embrace. You were slowly turning into his everything because he had nothing in his life. 

And then you woke up. 

You gasped for air as you woke up in panic, hunching over on the floor in a coughing fit, clawing at your neck for oxygen. Panting on the floor you put your forehead against the wooden laminated floorboards, your frizzy hair blocking out the little light that was in the apartment and being hit with the malodorous smell of distilled alcohol. 

What was that?

You were convinced that it was some kind of wicked dream. An escape from reality even. But as Changbin said, you did wake up in the exact same place and position you passed out in. A long breath seized through your lungs as you shifted in your position on the floor. 

“Son of a bitch!” 

Tears prickled the corners of your eyes as the hard floor hit your wounded knees. You quickly sat down on your butt, lifting your knees up to your chin and only then did your heart drop.

It wasn’t a dream. Your eyes lingered on the bandaids that were placed with the utmost care across your both knees, a stain of dark brown blood seeping through the sticky elastic material and dried blood staining your knees in a haphazard attempt of somebody trying to wipe it off without hurting you. You managed to grab the edge of the sofa, levering yourself up with, testing out the strength left in your wobbly legs. Your phone lit up, sitting on the place you’re usually curled up in. Throwing yourself on the soft piece of furniture you observed the phone screen, lost eyes wandering mindlessly over the brightly lit display. 

What you noticed wasn’t the worried text from your mother.

It was the fact that the digits hadn’t changed from when you passed out. 

Your head snapped towards the tv screen and the phone fell from your hand when you stared at the screen, breath trembling.

The same documentary. The same colibri. 

This couldn’t be. Surely you hadn’t just stopped time,,, right? This was not something Changbin warned you about. How long until you meet Changbin again? An hour,,, or ever? 

There was nothing else you could do besides wait. Wait until the next time you pass out. And what better way to make time pass but to be confronted by your mother? You pulled up the text on your phone and read it hastily before scoffing.

[Are you eating well? Please call if you see this]

Since when did she care about you? You knew that she did care. Somewhere deep inside her motherly heart she did care but the way she displayed that so-called ‘affection’ didn’t make it obvious. You tried to justify every word, believing all the lies she fed you. You tried so hard to believe that you were healthy, that your mental health wasn’t deteriorating before the eyes of your very own mother that was refusing to see the truth. That her child was indeed in pain. You couldn’t blame her, it was her way of dealing with the issue but it didn’t make it easier for you. Your thumbs hovered above the keyboard, you couldn't think of anything better to write and quickly typed it down before you hit send.

[yes, i’m busy]

Busy contemplating your existence. Your father wasn’t exactly any better. Throwing out each one of your family members until there was only him left. He had no trouble filling that emptiness, simply creating a new family and forgetting you as if you were a chapter of the book called ‘previous life’. You didn’t mind, not after everything he did to you and your mother. There was no need for a person like that in your life but unfortunately it influenced you more than you thought, always seeking validation in either work or relationships because how could you validate yourself after your self esteem had been crushed by this tyrant?

You threw your phone on the table, a clink noise being heard as it hit a bottle, knocking it over but not breaking it. Your parental issues or mental health was for once not the biggest concern in your life, now instead wanting to search for the answers that could explain the nightclub. How did it exist? What caused it to exist and who was behind it? You needed to get back there somehow. 

The tv had turned off by itself, you found yourself waking up on the couch, using a pillow as a blanket, hugging the warm material closer to your body as you whined. With confused and lost eyes you scanned the room for a clock, hitting the table a couple of times and finally getting your hands on your phone, bringing it closer to your eyes. 

[3:02 am] the digits lit up. You rubbed your tired eyes with your left hand, throwing the pillow on the floor and using the phone display as a torch in the pitch dark room. There was no point in falling asleep again, you had already slept so many hours, sleeping anymore would only make you drowsy the entire next day. You yawned as you staggered towards the bathroom, flicking the lightswitch on the wall and squinting fiercely as you were blinded by the harsh bathroom ceiling light. You put the phone down and quickly caught your reflection in the mirror before you sat down on the toilet to pee, folding a couple of sheets toilet paper in your hand. You yawned again as you flushed, going to wash your hands but once again being amused by your reflection.

That’s not me. 

It’s the person I’ve become but never wanted to be. 

Your dark circles almost reached your cheekbones, the wounds on your knees still stinging even after hours of peaceful slumber. You poked your tongue out to which the reflection did the same, staring back at you with frizzy hair and puffy eyes from tears. You couldn’t trust it. Mirrors lie you thought and so does every single reflective surface in the entire world. You would never know what you truly looked like and that ignited panic in you, feeling your breath rapidly increasing as you held onto the white cold edge of the bathroom sink. 

This happened. Too often. It was the feeling of not knowing yourself or your surroundings. Like you had just appeared in this world, scared and alone. To not know who you are and having to live with yourself til the day you die frightened you. But you didn’t know if death was any better. Sure, the thought was comforting but being buried under layers of soil, having flowers and insects living their best life above you as you simply rotted away wasn’t the solution to all your worries although a moment of eternal peace did sound tempting. 

You felt a lump in your throat, trying to cough as if it was some sort of anxiety flem when in reality it was your brain setting up imaginary barricades. Your hair draped in front of your face and with furious eyes you peeked up, seeing your almost demon-like expression and smiling psychotically. 

I hate you. 

I fucking hate you, y/n l/n.

Your smile was wiped off the moment the room started spinning. Your reflection becomes diffuse in the mirror as if it wasn’t enough not recognising it. A loud gulp made its way down your esophagus as you continued staring at yourself in disgust. You blinked slowly, every time you closed your eyes you saw those rainbow colored specks all around, almost as if they were distracting you from what was happening, like a kaleidoscope for a child. You felt as if the ground started shaking, an earthquake in your personal world that was separated from the real one. Maybe you were going back to the nightclub, to Changbin’s reassuring arms or maybe you we’re really going crazy this time. The specks got bigger, turning into elaborate patterns in neon colors that clouded your vision. You kept eye contact with your reflection for what seemed like forever, despising the person that was staring back, your gaze broken as your eyes rolled back in your skull, your eyes white as if you’d been hexed before you collapsed on the frigid bathroom floor. 

“y/n? y/n, wake up!” 

The sun dazed your eyes as you woke up on the slightly toasty concrete. Changbin tilted his head as a cigarette was hanging out the corner of his mouth, bright sunlight behind him. He had on a jean jacket with patches from several underground punk and rock bands, his neck was embellished with multiple silver chains and his hair was slicked back, glistening in the heat. He knocked the wind out of you even more, as if passing out in the bathroom wasn’t enough torture. 

“oh y/n! you’re awake!” 

Chan says, coming closer to you, this time he’s wearing a tanktop that showed off his flawless abs, your mouth watering at the sight. You only then remembered that you looked like a mess, still in your pyjamas that consisted of an old sports event t-shirt and small basketball shorts. 

“a-am i in the club again?” you say, rubbing your eyes with both hands before feeling your head pounding a bit, sitting up slowly and feeling the harsh ground beneath you. 

“no! you’re at the phone booth, everyone is here now oh and, this is usual how it’s supposed to look.”

After your vision stops blurring you look around, seeing the same alleyway and the same crimson phone booth but being hit with a completely different atmosphere. People were standing in all types of fancy clothes, trendy bright colors, exaggerated makeup and 7 inch platforms. The sun was beaming, it felt like a hot summer day with friends, just like the old days back when you had friends. 

“why does y/n always wear pyjamas? don’t you have any cool clothes?” Hyunjin snarks, pushing his blonde hair behind his ears, displaying his dangly silver and black earrings. 

“knock it off asshat, the poor girl is probably scared off her mind” Seungmin sneaks up behind the blonde, punching him lightly in the stomach before he smiles sweetly at you. Duality was this man's second name. 

“t-thank you seungmin” you said, giving a smile back but being met with a surprised facial expression.

“you remembered my name!” he said, giggling adorably. You gave a small nod before you looked back at Changbin that was drawing a breath from the cigarette, puffing out a white cloud close to your face before waving it away. You noticed how tired Changbin looked, his cheekbones sunken in and his complexion bleak. He stretched out his hand to help you up which you grabbed, the insides between his pointer and ring finger being slightly stained orange from tobacco. You wobbled up on your feet, knees slightly unstable but feeling better from sitting down a while. 

“are you alright y/n? i could open that resting room if you want” he said before inhaling smoke once again, spreading in his mouth and intoxicating him. You shook your head.

“i want to see the club, why not while we’re there you know?” you said, smiling brightly and making his heart jump. Changbin hid the grin he so desperately wanted to display by dropping the cigarette bud on the concrete, stepping on it with his heavy boots that had chain details attached. 

“alright, whatever you want angel” Changbin sneered which caught the attention of the 7 other boys, all staring at the jean-jacketed boy. 

“angel? seems like someone has a crush” Hyunjin remarked making Jisung burst out in laughter. 

“says master heartbreaker” Chan said under his breath making Hyunjin furrow his eyebrows, diverting his gaze from Changbin to Chan instead. 

“come on you guys! can we not go to the club already?” Felix said, him also wearing a crop top along with a leather chest harness that accentuated his figure. Jisung nodded and made his way towards the phone booth that had droplets of steam on the inside, Felix and Hyunjin following shortly after the squirrel-like boy. You observed the alleyway. People leaning against the grey wall where the phone booth was, either smoking or chatting. Some were standing, others sitting down directly on the concrete, feeling the same heat you felt as you woke up. 

With unstable steps you walked towards the phone booth behind all the boys, Changbin staying by your side and waving his hands towards the 7 boys that had somehow crammed into the humid and stuffy metal building, Chan closing the glassdoor as a couple of the boys giggled. You and Changbin stood on the other side of the door, seeing how Chan grabbed the black phone you had once held with cold dirty hands and Seungmin giggling as he took a sip out of the contents in the paper cup, passing it around to the others that did the same.

They disappeared right in front of you. Your mouth stood agape. They didn’t pass out, they just disappeared into thin air, leaving the airless crimson structure empty yet again. 

“w-wait, why didn’t they pass out?” you asked, turning to Changbin as you ran a hand through your hair.

“it happens when you’re new. the body isn’t used to the entire,,, universe switch so you will probably pass out this time also but don’t worry, i’ll catch you” 

Changbin grinned, opening the door and being hit by the lack of oxygen. He held the door open for you to which you smiled, stepping inside and seeing that the paper cup had been refilled automatically. The door closed behind Changbin, you standing in close proximity to the boy as you lifted the phone slowly, still feeling the warmth from Chan’s hand. The dark haired boy grabbed the brown paper cup, not even looking at the goopy substance before drinking it, seeing his adam's apple bob up and down. You put the phone towards your ear, wondering why you didn’t hear the female automated voice.

“it doesn’t work?” you said with confusion to which Changbin smiled, pressing in the infamous number on the rusty keypad.

[1800-xxx]

“yeah, it doesn’t if you don’t type in the number” he chuckled, holding the paper cup in both hands and leaning against the humid glass.

Suddenly you hear the voice you were dreading the hear.

“Thank you for calling. This place only appears to the suffering. If you are receiving this call, congratulations! Your prayers have been answered. Drink the liquid in the paper cup above this payphone. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

It reminded you of that night. That dark rainy evening. The voice started to lag, just like it did last time. You hung up and turned around whereupon you saw Changbin handing you the paper cup. You gulped and put your lips on the edge of the cup, looking at him with unease but feeling comfortable with his presence. You tilted the cup, feeling the sweetness trickle down your throat, almost stinging your insides. Changbin smiled, he looked like the typical bad boy from every cliché teen movie but it made your heart flutter, slightly embarrassed at the state of yourself. He pushed away from the glass wall and swiped his thumb across the corner of your mouth, wiping off the sweet liquid and licking it off the tip of his thumb. You stood there, frozen at the sudden action, gazing softly at him. 

“you had something there” he chuckled as you started to feel lightheaded again, your eyelids getting heavy. 

“thanks” you said shortly, your gaze drifting down on the dirty floor beneath your feet, drifting in and out of consciousness. 

Changbin didn’t say anything, catching you mere seconds after you collapsed on the grimy surface. Admiring your heavy eyes and puffy cheeks for a second before he himself disappeared into the abyss. 

“One Moscow mule, please!” 

An unfamiliar voice shouted through the blasting club music accompanied by what sounded like the shaking off a cocktail shaker. You groaned, your eyes fluttering open and being hit by the beams of a thousand light machines in all sorts of colors.

“Oh y/n!!” Jisung shouted on the other side of the bar, you found yourself sitting on a chair in the corner of the bar, on the same side as Changbin that was working diligently, mixing some concoction into a metal shaker. You rubbed your eyes, yawning and wondering how you could sleep sitting up. You heard Changbin set the metal cup down, telling something to the woman beside him, must be his co-worker you thought. He kneeled down next to the chair you were sitting on, looking up at you with curious eyes. 

“how are you feeling?” he asked loudly, trying to overvoice the music.

“im good” you answered back just as loud, the two of you locking eyes. Changbin smiled at you with his tired face, glancing over the glasses that were located beneath the bar. 

“you want something to drink?” Changbin said to which you nodded. 

“give me anything” you said, messing with your hair and sighing. You felt tired, an urge to sleep despite the loud blaring music. Maybe it was more of an emotional fatigue. A lack of feeling. And that’s usually when you turn to the bottles. Changbin nodded, standing up and returning to his co-worker, starting to grab all kinds of pretty coloured alcohol. 

“ay! y/n! come join us!” you heard Felix say, him standing with a glass in his hand, the other boys scattered around the club along with the other troubled individuals. You smiled widely, looking around and noticing the small exit gate connected to the bar. You patted Changbin on the back, him turning around with a grin before you exited through the gate, closing it after you and pushed through the crowd of people, making your way over to the boys. 

“y/n, welcome to where you will feel alive” Jisung yelled, spreading his arms and nearly knocking someone in the hand.

It was truly living you thought. Every single way to escape reality was located here whether it would be alcohol, drugs or sex. People dancing and jumping, grinding and rubbing up against each other. In multiple booths there were people making out, touching in unknown places. Many looked outright high, moving as if their body was possessed by some dance god, not knowing how to control their limbs. You could have sworn you saw Seungmin putting a yellow pill in his mouth, smiling mischievously at someone you didn’t know. 

So this was letting go. 

“y/n! here!” you heard Changbin’s voice call behind you, turning around and seeing him putting a glass of clear liquid onto the stained wooden bar with coasters scattered all around, a couple lime wedges floating around with the ice in the glass.

“vodka tonic, giving you the strong ones” he said, grinning, to which you smiled back, understanding the hint to his personal life through his eyes. The glass was cold against your warm hand since you were in this stuffy environment filled with countless people and without any windows, only a ventilation system that led to nothing. You put the edge of the glass against your lips, taking a sip and swallowing harshly, feeling bitterness that tasted sweet because that’s what alcohol does when it’s consumed on a particularly bitter day. Or life. 

The other boys were dancing, Chan mostly hanging around the edges of the nightclub and observing the nightlife. You made your way over to him, taking another sip in order to gain the courage to strike up a conversation. 

“Sup? you feeling any better?” he asked before you had the chance to even open your mouth. 

“better. why aren’t you enjoying yourself like the others?” 

“i mean,,, i’m technically doing my job even though i’m not getting paid for it. i just like to be in charge i guess,,,” he said, getting more and more silent as he spoke. You nodded.

“i do work with stuff in real life as well” he added, to which you raised your eyebrows.

“what do you work with,,, if you don’t mind me asking!” you said, taking another sip of what tasted like Lucifer’s saliva. 

“music producer! it’s tiresome but,,, i don’t really need sleep,,, or more like i can’t sleep. lucky there’s energy drinks and naps” he said with a giggle, his dimples displaying as he chuckled, leaning against the black walls of the nightclub. 

“must be tough,,, but wait,,, i’ve never heard your music,,, and also shouldn’t you be the DJ then?” you said confused, swirling the liquid in your hand. 

“but that’s the thing y/n, all these people, every single person you see in this room lives in another universe”

You gazed at him, Chan looking straight ahead towards the crowd.

“what do you mean by different universes?” you asked to which curly haired boy cocked his eyebrow.

“we will never coexist y/n, when i tell you that we’ve tried to bring our friendships to the real world i really mean it. we will never exist in your life outside of this hub and,,, it sucks.” Chan took a pause before speaking, pondering on what to say next.

“-thats what happened with a friend we had. i’m saying had because we don’t know where they are or what adventures await them. They just,,, disappeared” Chan said mellowly, you humming in response as you took a final sip of the devil’s juice, already feeling your face heating up.

“h-how does one get out of this place,,, forever i mean” you asked, leaning back against the same wall as Chan and looking right ahead as the song changed to a slower, almost psychedelic beat. 

“when said person gets help,,, or starts to feel better or when you hit the casket, three options basically” he says with an acerbic smile. “what? Do you like Changbin?” Chan says teasingly. “you’ve been catching glances at him this entire conversation.”

He was right, you had been glancing over at Changbin occasionally, you couldn’t help it. Was it an excuse for you to look at his cute face from a distance or because you cared about him? You laughed it off but Chan turned serious.

“you know that’s it’s not possible.” he says quietly.

“what? what is not possible?”

“a relationship”

You choked on your own saliva, being blinded by the annoyingly bright strobe lights.

“a relat- ya! do you really think I have time for any of that? besides,,, i’m not really interested in Changbin.”

“who said only you should be interested?” 

Your eyes widened when Chan said that. No way could Changbin have these weird feelings to you, the feeling shouldn’t be mutual. 

“h-has Changbin said something about you?” you asked timidly, gazing over at Changbin that temporarily made eye contact across the club.

“why don’t you ask him yourself? but i’m telling you y/n,, don't get attached, you will get hurt,,, j-just like i did once” 

Sure, you understood what Chan meant. Everyone was here for the time being. One day he could disappear if he decided that the life he was living now either isn’t worth it or he takes control and makes something out of it. There comes a time where you are too tired of living the way you do and so you do something about it, no matter if it’s good or bad. 

Changbin waved his hand at you, wanting you to join him behind the bar where now Felix was standing and annoying Changbin by tickling him or whispering in his ear as he moved his body with much fluidity. You smiled, waving towards Chan shortly before you once again made your way through the crowd, feeling lightheaded but in a positive way, as if you really were forgetting reality for a moment. 

“y/n!! come!!” Changbin yelled, bouncing slightly to the typical house beat that was now playing, barely holding the bottle of gin since Felix was pestering him playfully. Changbin’s co-worker opened the wooden gate for you, smiling sweetly at you and you doing the same back, your gaze drifting down until you notice the red marks around her throat. You were often scared by people. Not by their actions but by their way to cover them up and of course, you were guilty of this too. Looking at these people you would never guess the pain that was going on inside, the surface level happiness really is surface level. You could smile genuinely towards her, you didn’t have to understand everything she was going through but you knew how it was, smiling when bridges are burning in your mind. 

Sometimes pretending hurts more. 

“Changbin!” you squealed after you had passed by his co-worker, holding the empty glass that was now nothing more but half melted ice cubes and three wedges of bright green lime. Without thinking you put the glass down on his working station and pull him into a tight hug, squeezing your body against his and feeling the warmth radiate off of him. He froze awkwardly in your arms before loosening up, wrapping his arms around you and ultimately taking in your scent that was now mostly pungent with liquor and sleep, a soft scent that Changbin couldn’t get enough off. You felt safe which was rare in a nightclub especially knowing that most people were either high or carrying weapons. But there was something about him that made you feel like home. It felt familiar, like you’d visited his soul. As if the two of you were sharing the same empty house in your heart despite you never letting anyone in, too scared to be hurt again. Maybe you could let Changbin in, maybe he was different. 

The hug lasted longer then you thought, his eyes darting all over the stuffy room before he slowly let go, taking a long inhale of the almost addictive smell. The two of you locked eyes, a shy red tinged his cheeks that was only visible due to there being a spotlight just above him. 

“can i talk to you for a second?” you asked, rather boldy which was odd. He nodded and grabbed your wrist only to pull you in behind the same black door where you once ended up in, confused and dazed. He let go of you and closed the door behind him, you standing in the middle of the room that now had tiny light standing on the floor, nothing more new then the same old shelfs and black leather couch. 

“what did you wanna talk about?,,, figured you maybe wanted to tell me somewhere more quiet”

‘Quiet’ was an overstatement, the music was making the walls shake and even though it was muffled the jumping of hundreds of people could still be heard in the small dark room where you were alone, with him. 

“ehm,,, i don’t know really,,,” you stammered, not knowing what else to say.

“is something wrong y/n? Do you need to be alone for a while? i can le-”

“no, thank you,,, i just wanna be with you.” You interrupted him, his eyebrows furrowing when you uttered the last sentence. He stepped closer to you, the soles of his shoes making a pleasant sound against the floor. You lifted your gaze at him, Changbin standing right in front of you. Beauty that could make you drool. His hair was slightly messy, temples sweaty as he had worked and fetched all kinds of bottles for hours, the grey apron marking his title in the nightclub.

“but i’m here with you! Are you playing some sort of prank on me? did chan set this up?” he chuckled with a smirk, throwing a gaze at the door before diverting it back to your glossy eyes.

“n-no,,, Changbin, I want you”

His mind went blank and so did yours.

You don’t know why you said that but it was too late. The cat was out of the bag. It was too late.

“y/n? are you drunk?” he asked, looking at you seriously and putting the back of his hand against your forehead, suspecting you might be getting sick. You shook your head in response.

“no, it was only one drink, you know? i just,,, kinda,, want you”

You grabbed his hand that was still lingering on your forehead and drew it closer to your heart, holding firmly by his wrist. The clothed valleys of your breasts made contact with the rough palm of his hand, Changbin’s eyes still glued to yours. He scoffed loudly.

“and here i was,,, thinking it was some sort of unrequited love”

It felt like his hand turned into thorns, stinging your heart. So he wanted you too. 

Changbin’s hand that rested on your boob snaked upwards, grabbing your jaw as he smiled at you briefly, tilting his head and slowly closing his eyes, attaching his rough lips on yours. Your eyes widened before they closed slowly, eyelashes fluttering in a flirty haze. This was how it felt to kiss someone you loved. It was as if a thousand fireworks ignited inside your beating heart, flying and exploding in an array of colors. A pure lightshow. 

Your hands made their way to Changbin’s angular face, cupping his cheeks and feeling his sharp cheekbones against the palms of your hands. Your noses accidentally bumped into each other as your heads tilted from left to right, a sensual pace to the kiss to which the dark haired boy chuckled, adding some laughter to the otherwise grave situation that contained the sounds of two lips smooching each other. The music was only adding to the ambiance, Changbin’s hands wandering and exploring territory on your body that was foreign to him but very well-known to you. Your wet tongues danced around to a serenade, his kiss was strong, sure to leave an unforgettable impression on you. You would want him from now on and forever. 

You moaned into the kiss as his hands rested on your ass, groping the flesh that was covered by your pyjamas-shorts. This made Changbin cock his eyebrow, pieces of his slicked back hair falling into his face as making him look like a charming 80′s prince. His fingers danced around the elastic band of your pants, fingers hooking and playfully tugging on the string, a silent plea for you to take them off. You smiled against his lips, saliva exchanging in a heavy and steamy kiss, your cheeks growing warmer by the second. 

The two figures melted into one as Changbin pulled you closer to his body, feeling his cock poke through the coarse material of his jeans against your lower abdomen. Good to know that he was enjoying this as much as you were. Your hands descended downwards, traveling along his black tight t-shirt, the jean jacket from earlier being god knows where. The contour of his abs made you smirk, you knew what he was hiding beneath these clothes that you ravenously wanted to tear up. You palmed him through his pants, earning a hiss from the male that panted heavily into the kiss. 

You broke the kiss, taking a moment to breathe as your lips were separated by a lonely string of saliva. You grabbed Changbin’s wrist, pushing him down on the leather couch as you straddled his lap, feeling his hard-on against your aching wet cunt. You wanted him so bad and here he was, in front of you for only you to devour. Changbin grabbed onto your hips, pinning them down against his cock and leaning forward to reattach his lips on yours, teeth  accidentally clicking against each other moments before your sloppy hot tongues met, feeling his tongue against the soft surface of yours. The sound of lips meeting ringed through your ears, your hips grinding against Changbin’s crotch in a steady pace, feeling your neediness grow. Your hands ran along his abdomen, sneaking them up inside his shirt and tugging on the black material of his t-shirt, pulling it above his head. What was hiding underneath his clothes was more than a pleasant surprise. Your lips moved swiftly against his jawline, peppering kisses on his delicate neck as your hands teased the supple skin of his abdomen, feeling the outline of his muscles against your touch. 

Changbin placed his hands near your stomach, pulling your oversized sleeping shirt over your head in the same fashion you did moments earlier. You gasped as the fabric danced over your now hardened nipples, freeing your tits. Of course you didn’t wear a bra when you were in the comfort of your own home but you didn’t think anyone would actually undress you, especially not Changbin. He hummed at the sight, cupping your tits in his hands that were covered in metal rings, feeling the coldness against your heated skin. You shuddered, the sensation shooting down to your dripping core. He kneaded them in his hands as you rubbed against his cock, his boner having a visible outline through his pants, you couldn’t help but to fiddle with his belt buckle, undoing it and hearing the clicking sound of the buckle hitting itself. Changbin pulled away from your swollen lips, tapping you on the thigh to step off in order for him to pull his pants down. You moved to the seat next to him on the couch, the leather sticking back as you laid down, lifting your hips up to remove your pyjama pants along with your panties that quickly hid underneath the fussy pants due to it’s rather interesting print, small teddy bears printed on the fabric. You kicked off your shoes, more like slippers that you wore indoors. 

Changbin swiftly pulled down his jeans and black boxers in one motion, throwing them close to your pile of clothes at the base of the couch. Your eyes widened, mouth watering at the pure sight of his cock, a pretty bead of precum decorating his slit, contrasting with the crimson shiny tip. A big gulp descended down your esophagus, heat tinging your cheeks. He chuckled from seeing you stare at his member with shiny doe eyes that reflected in the small lamp on the floor.

“You seem,,, intrigued” he chuckled to which you giggled, not believing that you were really in this small room together with him. 

“Y-yeah,,, maybe I am” you snarked, moving your gaze to his eyes and smiling. Only on your way upwards his well-sculpted body did you see the boy holding a small blue plastic item. You furrowed your eyebrows when Changbin opened the packet, retrieving a slightly slippery condom from inside. 

“Do we even need that?” you laughed before continuing. “I mean if nothing gets transferred to the real world neither should pregnancies or STD’s” 

Changbin tsked, rolling the condom onto his veiny cock, turning slightly away from you to avoid your intense eyes. 

“Ask Chan, he would know” Changbin said, turning back to you and making his way over to the couch.

“N-no,,, no way.” You shook your head, your mouth agape as your eyes still danced over Changbin’s buff thighs. 

“Yup, knocked up a girl” he said, suppressing a laugh. “And that’s why y/n, you never think with your dick”.

“Being completely honest,,, I expected more from Chan, he seems really,,, responsible” you remarked, Changbin hovering over you and placing a soft kiss on your lips, his hands on either side of your figure.

“He is but I think love is his weak spot or more like,,, lack of love. He often confuses love with either sex, money or fame,,, might I even say drugs.” 

You simply nodded not knowing what more to add to the conversation, Changbin’s fingers tracing small circles around your nipples, sneaking them down between your legs where your cunt was aching after him. Anything, as long as it was him. His middle- and ring finger dipped into your heat, feeling the wetness between your folds causing you to hold on to Changbin’s sturdy shoulder. Without warning his fingers entered your dripping hole, fingers curling upwards and grazing your g-spot. You flinched, feeling his cold metal rings against your clit. The dark haired boy shushed, reassuring you that you were in safe hands and that he would make you feel good. Nothing else mattered besides you. 

His fingers grazed your velvety walls, thrusting up into your cunt with just enough vigor to make you clutch to his bicep, the firm muscles making you swoon. You whined, spreading your legs even wider, your left leg hanging over the leather couch, sticking to your thigh as your body was heating up from arousal. The wet sounds of Changbin’s fingers playing with your cunt along with your soft whimpers were louder than the music outside, you pressing your head back onto the couch, rubbing your hair on the material. Changbin licked his plump lips upon seeing your face contorting into all kinds of lewd facial expressions, his cock needing to feel your warmth wrapped around it. The pad of his thumb played with your clit, laying it flat against the nub and teasing it in small circles causing tears to prickle in the corners of your shut eyes. 

“a-are you alright y/n?” he whispered softly in your ear, kissing the shell of your ear. You nodded, your hands cupping your tits, pinching your hardened nipples, adding pleasure and heat to the burning in your core. Changbin pulled out his fingers, putting the slick covered digits in his mouth and watching you with hawk eyes as he lapped up your juices, humming in delight. 

“fuck you taste so good angel” he stated, making you blush, covering your face with your hands. Changbin chuckled, tapping the tip of his dick against your swollen clit and aligning himself with your entrance. You moaned from the sensations, wrapping your legs around him to pull him in, you growing impatient the more he teased. 

“p-please fuck me Changbin” you said uttered in a faint voice, barely audible due to the music. It was as if his eyes tinged with a dark color, full of lust. His eyes were hooded, looking down at you with half closed lids, sighing loudly with sexual frustration. He wanted to destroy you, make you his but he had to hold onto his composure. Holding you firmly by your hips he slowly pushed the tip of his cock inside you, grunting at the warmness that comforted him. You hissed, biting the inside of your cheek, your nose scrunching up at the feeling of being stretched out by his girthy length. 

“can I go all the way? does it feel alright?” he asked. You answered with a small “yes”, more worried about the door being unlocked, anyone could burst through the door in seconds only to witness Changbin fucking you on the couch. That thought was quickly wiped from your mind as his cock stuffed into your cunt, your eyes rolling back into your skull as he slowly thrusts into you, using the hands on your hips as a way to guide him, nailing your cervix with each movement. The tips of his ears turned red, the silver chain around his neck reflecting on the dim light in the room as it rocked back and forward above you. You placed your hands around his wrists, looking boldly into his eyes with, a feeling brewing inside you that was hard to describe. It was titillation mixed with yearning. You knew you got him here. He was safe in your arms. You wanted to save him from everything bad in this world but how is that possible when you can’t even save yourself?

“c-changbin” you said in broken syllables, his thrusts only quickening. “changbin!” you repeated, shutting your eyes tightly, curling your toes in pleasure as a string of pretty moans melodically fell from your mouth along with his name. You couldn’t take it, his cock ramming into you in a both mindful and eager manner causing you to claw at his forearms, nails digging into the soft skin. Your tongues were once again caught in a kiss, the taste of your tongue being irresistible to the boy but not sure if it was your love that was drawing him in or the subtle taste of liquor from earlier. His lips felt parched against your, his tongue gliding on your bottom lip before kissing it, his saliva feeling hot in your mouth. The boy above you pulled away for a moment.

“you’re so pretty like this y/n,, fuck, i think i love you”

You gulped but your silence was soon cut off from Changbin slamming his hips against yours, his cock hitting your that specific spot that made you go crazy, the familiar feeling of your orgasm penting up inside you. You moaned with desperation, the lewd sounds bouncing off the dark colored walls. This was music for Changbin’s ears. His grunts accompanied by your whimpers and the squelching sound of your walls engulfing his dick so tightly, the sounds alone was heaven for him. With every move against your body you felt the well-acquainted smell of cigarettes that you could almost feel in your lungs, an addictive scent. 

“i love you too, Changbin” you mumbled, slurring on your words from nervousness, feeling shy even though you were naked in front of him. He smiled, peering down at you as his hair fell from it’s perfect gelled state. You smiled softly at him, his cheeks slowly turning a red that matched his lips. Your moans turned to borderline screams, his cock twitching inside of you as he slowly got closer to his sweet release. Clenching around him, Changbin grabbed bent your legs towards you, gently rolling his head backwards as the pace got quicker. 

“i’m g-gonna cum! don’t stop!” you yelped, your heart thumping at the speed of light, tiny sweat droplets forming on your forehead. Changbin reached so deep inside of you causing you to thrash around, fiercely trying to grip to the edges of the couch. The burning in your core got intense, it felt as if a thousand stars were falling at the same time, bursting with amativeness. The sudden feeling of warmth took over your body, a pleasant tingle surging. A breathy moan leaving you stunned, grabbing onto Changbin’s hands that were pushing your knees towards you. Just as your orgasm washed over you like a ton of bricks falling to the ground, your body jolted with the last couple of powerful thrusts, a loud gasp slipping from his lips. His girthy cock released it’s seed into the condom, his hot breath lingering near you. 

He let go of your quivering legs, them flopping down on either side of him. Your chest heaved up and down as you breathed through your parted lips. Changbin pulled off, carefully removing the condom and discarding it somewhere on the floor. He snuggled close to you on the narrow couch, pressing his sweaty body against yours, taking a moment to catch his breath before speaking.

“So you love me too?” he chuckled. You turned to face him, looking deep into his dark brown eyes that looked pitch black in the dim light. After a loud exhale you answered him.

“No, I think I can’t live without you” you whispered, rubbing the tip of your nose against his. His stable breath tickled against your chin, your eyes slowly closing as Changbin was observing your features that he found insanely attractive. And it was even more attractive that you were his. But this couldn’t last.

“You know this is not possible y/n” he said with sadness in his voice as he gulped, his adams apple protruding. You knew it, the thing you dreamt of wasn’t possible since the two of you didn’t exist in each other's worlds. 

“I feel fucking stupid” you said with closed eyes, sighing after your words. Changbin shook his head. 

“Don’t give up that easily y/n, we can try”. He was right but what relationship was only visible in the darkness of a nightclub? Only a promiscuous one. Yet, you didn’t want to give up. Not matter what kind of relationship it was you wanted to be with him. 

“So,,, what does that mean? That we are-”

“Dating, I guess” he added shortly, the corner of his lips lifting upwards. It sounded weird in your ears. Dating someone you had only met a couple of times but it felt right. This was where you belonged. In his arms, away from all your demons. He truly cared for you, not like the others. He was unlike those in your life that said that they cared but never wanted to know more than the surface level of your character. He wanted to know everything about you. Your hurt, your sorrows, your pain but also your happiness, your joy and your solace. He wanted to know you. 

Your hands trailed up and down his upper arms, his skin feeling soft against your touch. The two of you cuddled like this for a while, Changbin running his hands along your hair, its smell reminding him of a green meadow of millions of flowers in all shapes, colors and sizes. He didn’t want to leave but if he wasn’t back in the bar the boys would start looking for him and the last thing he wanted was 7 boys teasing him for getting it on. You were more than a hookup. More than just a fling. 

Changbin stood up, squinting his eyes in order to look for his clothes and finding them scattered all over the room. He pulled his underwear and jeans over his lower body before pulling his shirt over his top half, the black t-shirt sitting snugly around his muscles. He ran a hand through his dark hair, shaking his head before smirking at you. Such a tease. 

“Do you have to leave?” you asked with a whiny voice, your arms felt empty once again. He nodded.

“i’m afraid so, don’t want them thinking I've been transported back without them knowing, they get worried but that’s only natural I guess.” 

You nodded back, putting your cheek against the leather on the seat, your arm hanging straight down, the back of your hand limp against the floor. 

“Get dressed if you want to have some more fun or you can chill here for a moment but I have to warn you, that door doesn’t have a lock” Changbin said, pointing at the only door in the room. 

“i’ve already noticed that” you remarked, grabbing your panties and only after you’ve pulled them halfway up your thigh did you see Changbin smirking at you.

“You’re cuter than I thought” he said, pointing at your teddy bear panties with his chin, stepping closer to you. You looked away, biting your lip in embarrassment as you felt his hand on your hair, ruffling it sloppily. 

“You’re making fun of me!” you said back with a pout, pulling your pyjama pants over your bottom. 

“yeah, because you’re adorable” he said, placing a peck on your lips. You wanted more of him. He was simply addictive. 

But not even this universe wanted to see you two together.

Your eyelids got heavier, your eyebrows furrowing at the familiar yet distant feeling. It felt unknown until you saw the small specks clouding up your vision once again. 

“y/n? y/n, how are you?” Changbin said with worry, grabbing you by your shoulders and looking at your apathetic gaze. “N-no, y/n, don’t leave now”

You didn’t want to but you didn’t decide when you left. 

You harshly held Changbin in your arms, putting your forehead against his shoulder, rubbing against it. Changbin slowly put his hands around you, patting your back as salty tears rolled down your warm cheek, putting wet stains on his shirt. 

“shh,,, it’s ok y/n, are you feeling dizzy?” he asked carefully to which you nodded mellowly, your bottom lip quivering as the multicolored boxes of light flashed before your eyes. The room felt unstable, like your legs wouldn’t hold you much longer and they didn’t when you collapsed into Changbin’s arms, him holding you tightly to his chest as your knees buckled. Your voice was unstable, a silent cry pleading to be heard.

“I love you” you whispered in a frail voice. The ear-deafening music from outside was tuning out from your hearing, your words slurring at the end as you repeated yourself for the last time. 

“I love y-you”

Changbin was left hugging air, his arms empty as he opened his sparkling eyes. He was close to tears because he was left there. Without you. 

“HEY! WHERE IS- oh” 

Jisung burst through the black door, the six other boys standing close behind him as they looked around the room, eventually catching eye contact with Changbin.

“She went home” Changbin said softly, letting his arms fall to the sides. Jisung inched closer to him, patting him on the shoulder where your tears were still left as a souvenir of your love. 

“She’ll come back, don’t worry about it” Jisung said with a reassuring smile, leading Changbin to the door, out of the room that smelled like sex and tenderness.

“Euw,, what is this doing here? Does nobody know how to clean up?” Felix said pointing at the used condom on the floor. Changbin’s face went cold, stopping dead in his tracks. 

“is it yours or something Changbin?” Hyunjin laughed, pushing the youngest, Jeongin, in a fit of laughter. 

The room went quiet after Hyunjin’s cold laughter. It was pretty obvious.

“YOU FUCKED HER?” Jisung screamed in Changbin’s ear, making him flinch away and holding his ear in pain. The room filled with all sorts of teasing sounds, everything from “ooh~" to “AYE” in obnoxious voices. 

“Luckily he used a condom!” Minho snarled, glancing over at Chan that was ready to beat Minho into pulp. Chan sighed, regretting that he didn’t shove the condom in Minho’s smirky face. 

“No but seriously you guys, y/n is more than you think. It’s not just another person I fucked, she actually means something to me.” 

Just when Changbin thought he had something special some of the boys started laughing even harder, ruffling his hair and poking his cheeks.

“yeah right,,, what? are you guys dating or something?” Seungmin asked, rolling his eyes.

“yes, i’m serious you guys! I love her,,,” he said with a frown, already missing your touch.

“What idiot gets into a relationship 3 months before they have to go to rehab?” Minho says, retrieving a cigarette from the red packaging in the pocket of his leather jacket. 

Oh fuck. 

Rehab.

When someone recovers from their pain is when you disappear from the club. You are no longer a lost soul. You are no longer lost within yourself. And that’s when you return to the real world, your real world. 

Keeping secrets in a relationship was deceitful in Changbin’s eyes. If you belong to someone you should be as transparent as the liquor he poured into his ice cold glass every evening. He felt guilty. You poured your heart out for him, telling him everything that had hurt for so many years and here he was, pretending. He did that a lot, mainly because he was taught to be a reliable man. It wasn’t manly to feel. 

Which is why he left his home at a young age. He didn’t care if he worked a minimum wage job and lived in a destitute area, he was content as long as he didn’t live with his parents. But when you live alone it’s not rare that isolation creeps up on you and strokes your cheek with a feather light touch, inviting you over to a dance with the demons that would soon cloud up your mind. Alcohol was Changbin’s comfort. It was the only one that didn’t fail to reassure him. It was as if the bottles spoke to him, promising him that a life intoxicated was better than the life he was currently living. 

And he fell for it.

Every time.

He couldn’t take it anymore, he wanted to live a life that is actually worth living. Change comes from within but he needed help and he had only recently realized that he had a problem, that these toxic liquids were what’s keeping him from chasing the dream life. He didn’t dream of much, just the average life would be more than enough, with someone he loved. 

But what was he supposed to do?

Take the step to recover or continue his addiction for the sake of being with you?

The demons whispered softly in his ears.

Life or Love?

Taglist ; @minholuvs @liz820​ @skztrashbag @lix-freckle3​ 

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Hi Hi!!!! So I've been following your account for a little while now and I love every single comedy bomb you drop on what you write so I was wondering....

How would the boys react to their S/O who is usually reserved when at the lair, doing a full 180 when at April's? Like they could be April's roommate or something?....

Like crackhead energy, dishing out memes and vines and literally having a duel with Casey about leftovers in the fridge?... Yeah I know it's very specific 💀

I don't know.....the idea just popped into my head but I lack the creativity and comedy skills for that...so I was wondering if you could do something with this?.....

It's totally fine, if not 😁😁

This is... 100% me. I love this and I'm gonna pour my soul into it. Also I have started mentally referring to these as comedy bombs and I refuse to stop.

Also, I hope you don't mind that I wrote these in oneshot form instead of bullet points. It just made more sense for my brain.

TMNT Oneshots

The boys with a partner whose reserved at the lair but an absolute crack gremlin at home 🤣

Donatello

Donnie may have been a man of science, all logic and facts and numbers and things. But he absolutely believed that everyone had three separate faces, you were direct proof of that theory. While the purple terrapin had known you for nearly a year you’d only started dating a month ago and it shocked him that he was still uncovering new things about you. He loved it, sure, but it had a tendency to give him figurative whiplash.

He’d always known you to be calm and collected, maybe even a bit shy. He swore you’d explode if more than one person tried to talk to you at the same time. So it wasn’t an over exaggeration for him to say that your behavior at home nearly made him break his neck.

He was only there to help April fix a bug in her laptop and to confirm your next date, he was excited to see you since you’d had no contact in person for a week because of your schedules. Just lots of phone calls and exchanged text messages. You both missed each other like crazy and your roommate had neglected to inform you that your boyfriend was coming over.

Hers was already there and he was driving you up the wall, you’d never actually thought about committing a murder but Casey was pushing you very close to the edge of snapping. And he might as well have crane-kicked you off your cliff of patience and into the rushing river of “you little fucking shit I’m gonna piss on your grave” below. You hadn’t even heard Donnie come in through the window much less his conversation with April over her computer.

All you knew was that Casey had come parading into your room like a tyrant eating the leftovers in the fridge that you had specifically put your name on. That did it. Your eyes had skimmed over the top of your textbook to meet the asshole in front of you.

“Casey?”

He couldn’t speak through the mouthful he was trying to chew and grunted in pathetic response.

“Is that my cheeseburger?”

You’d never seen a living person imitate a pug’s facial structure so well, the man’s eyes bugged out of his head and he tossed the takeout box on your desk before turning and bolting out of your room. You followed about two steps behind with a bottle of shampoo in your hand. No, you weren’t entirely sure where you’d grabbed it from, all you knew was that it was your weapon. And it quickly became a very messy problem when it missed your target (Casey’s head) and slammed into the wall, exploding on impact.

You didn’t think you’d thrown it that hard.

“April April help help help helpppppppppppppp-'' The two on the couch had looked up during the chase throughout the apartment, Donnie was mostly curious at what Casey was screaming about. Not a lot usually made the guy make that noise. He was then distracted by April grabbing the laptop and passing it to him, she then clambered over his legs to sit behind him.

“YOU UGLY ASS CROISSANT! FUCKING PANINI HEAD- IT HAD MY NAME ON IT YOU DAFT AVACADO!”

Your boyfriend almost went vertical upon watching you tackle Casey to the floor and knee him in the groin. You shook the terrified man under you and slammed him a little harder into the rug.

“Touch my shit again and I’m gonna make the beaches of Normandy look like a goddamn family vacation.”

Then you climbed off of him and stood, brushing your disheveled t-shirt off with a huff. Donnie caught your attention and you raised your head to grin excitedly at him.

“Hi Dove! April didn’t tell me you were coming over,” you practically skipped over to the couch to peck him on the cheek, “I missed ya, are we still on for Saturday?”

He nodded in complete shock, his gaze flitting from you to Casey, who was still wheezing on the floor and clutching his dick.

“Uhhh yeah! Yeah, yep, Still good for Saturday. Uhm, completely unrelated question, where the hell did you learn to grapple like that?”

You shrugged absentmindedly, already walking to the hall closet to grab cleaning supplies for the puddle of shampoo in the walkway.

“Just kinda picked it up I guess? I’ve watched you guys train enough.”

Leonardo

See, Leo had always known that you were hiding something from him. Be it your true personality or some deep dark secret. He wasn’t really in a rush to find out, you’d tell him when you were ready. The leader enjoyed your quiet disposition anyways, you gave good advice and liked to meditate with him, what more could he ask for? What more could he want?

Well, maybe if you got along better with his family, although he supposed that wasn’t your fault, you always had been a bit shy. Even six months into your relationship with him, Leo only hoped that you’d warm up to his brothers eventually. You seemed to do alright with Splinter, that was a plus for the situation. It wasn’t that you were mean or impolite to the others, you were just… avoidant. Distant, quiet, whatever word you wanted to use. You just didn’t seem comfortable at the lair.

He was excited that April had asked to host a game night though, maybe you’d come out of your shell (haha, see what I did there?) and socialize, even for a little bit. They’d all shown up a few minutes early to make sure April didn’t need help with anything, she’d assured them that everything was handled and made sure to inform Leo that you would be back shortly with Casey from your snack run. Mikey had joked that you’d ditched the get together to avoid them but they all knew it ran the possibility of not being a joke.

You unlocked the door and held it open so Casey could get inside without tripping himself before entering yourself and kicking your shoes off. Leo looked up to meet your eyes and you sent him a wild grin, your entire face lit up with amusement.

“Hi babes! Are you ready to get your ass kicked at Monopoly?”

All the poor turtle could do was nod.

“Good. I did grab drinks by the way, April there should be a mixer in the cooler bag, Donnie there’s some of that lemon lime stuff that you said you wanted to try, Mikey, orange crush as usual, Raph I tried to go for Dr. Pepper but they were out so I figured that root beer was a safe second. And Leo they had a new boba flavor that you haven’t had yet so I grabbed one. If you don’t like it then you can have mine, I just have the peach royal.”

Beverages were tossed and they were lucky that their surprise didn’t throw off their catching skills. You and April shared a quick word in the kitchen as you took your coat off and ran a hand through your hair.

After some arguments team captains were decided and Donnie nearly had a heart attack when you picked him instead of Leo or either of your friends. He even went so far as to point at himself to make sure you weren’t joking. You declared that while you loved your boyfriend his morals were too strong to be competitive, Donnie’s were not, he said so himself.

They were all surprised that you’d remembered that conversation.

It wasn’t until halfway through the game that things started getting heated, you and Mikey were nearly jumping across the table at each other. And it visibly took all of your strength to not burst out laughing when he started yelling.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS CHEATING! YOU'RE CHEATING! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE!"

April and Casey were snorting into their arms as you got to your feet and walked towards the kitchen, making a poor attempt at climbing the appliance.

"THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!"

Raphael

Raph had always been under the impression that you were never really 100% yourself around him, he knew for a fact that you weren’t when you stayed over. He’d never seen someone so aggressively avoid someone, except himself of course. You were his partner of almost a year and it seemed like you were never going to let your true self shine. However you did seem to lighten up when you were alone with him, he supposed that was normal, but you may as well have been a pair of old earbuds that only work when you held them a certain way at the lair.

He honestly hadn’t expected that to change tonight, not given the text that Casey had sent him informing him of April’s recent breakup with whatever guy she’d been dating. So when he climbed in through the window and saw both you and Casey sitting on the floor in front of the bathroom he really didn’t think that the words out of your mouth would be-

“April you’ve got another twenty minutes of this then I’m ripping the door off the hinges!”

Casey shot you a look and you shrugged nonchalantly before getting to your feet and walking over to your confused boyfriend.

“Hey, sorry about this. Casey only texted you as a last resort if he needed someone to stop me from tearing the door off.”

Raph found that peculiar, “Uh, couldn’t he do it himself?”

The man in question looked up from his spot on the floor.

“Nah dude, they’re crazy. Last time I tried stopping them from doing something they nearly knocked my damn tooth out while screaming, and I quote, “If you put your hands on me I’m gonna fucking rip your face off” and quite frankly I don’t have the balls to test that.”

“No no dude, that’s valid. I wouldn’t either. Babe, why are you so-”

You raised an eyebrow at him over a glass of water, “Violent? I’m not Raph. These two just have little bitch feelings.”

He found it hard not to laugh at that and fifteen minutes later when you left his side to approach the door again it sent him reeling.

“This shit’s temporary April. You’ve got nice teeth and a fat ass, stuff your feelings down!”

Michelangelo

There would never be a time where Mikey wasn’t a prankster with you, it was just simply non-negotiable. You were cool with that and he was aware, he was also aware that no pranks were to be pulled at the lair. So he’d reign it in while you visited, just for a short while. But you’d never said anything about the apartment and Mikey was a creature of opportunity.

Unfortunately Leo talked him out of it and forced him not to pull anything while they visited. The leader was already on edge so when he walked in with the others following closely behind you were the first person to see him. Your eyes caught Mikey’s instantly and you might as well have been telepathic at that moment. But you took one look at Leo’s solid, angry face and seized your moment.

They weren’t at all ready for the scream.

“GET YOUR FUCKIN’ DOG BITCH!”

And they also weren’t ready for Mikey’s response of, “It don’t bite.”

And Leo was not ready for the pillow that got whipped at his face at incredibly high speed.

“YES IT DO-”

So when Leo finally realized that they were yelling at him his mood did not improve at all and in fact declined sharply into a pit of “oh fuck”. And that was how you ended up on Mikey’s shoulder getting dragged away from any sort of repercussion for your actions.

These got a little short near the end but I hope you like 'em and I hope I was able to capture what you had in mind! 😁

-Mars 🌠

[viking-raider]

A Raw Heart - *Sensitive! READ THE WARNINGS!*

Summary: You tell Henry about the worst tragedy in your life.

Pairing: Henry Cavill/Reader

Word Count: 1,863

Rating: Mature -  Serious Angst, Tragedy, Anguish, Grief, Loss, Death, Hurt/Comfort, Possible triggers

Inspiration: I’ve thought about this story for a long time, and it’s a bit personal.

Author’s Note: Read the Warnings!

You and Henry had been seeing each other for several months, having met at the auditions for Night Hunter. It was the first time Henry had been in your place, over for a nice night in, you left him in your living room long enough to get you both some wine. While you did that, Henry looked around, peeking at stuff, but not invading your privacy, checking out the books you had on your shelves and the photos you had on display around.

He noticed a small Russian doll-like thing on one of your shelves and picked it up, admiring it.

“Henry.” You called, standing on the other side of the room from him, stiff as a board. “Put it down.” You almost hissed at him. “Don't touch it.” You told him, trembling and your voice unsteady. “Please.” You added, your throat tight and tears threatening.

“I'm sorry.” Henry squeaked, putting it back where it was on the shelf. “I was just admiring it. It's really beautiful.” He babbled, nervously. “Where did you get it?” He asked, looking over at you and was caught off guard by the tears dripping down your face.

“It's my son.” You mumbled, struggling to gulp down your tears and emotions.

Henry blinked and his whole body jerked, shocked by your words. “What?” He pushed out, his own throat tight.

“Oh god.” You mewled, realizing what you had said. “Please, leave.” You whimpered, then rushed down the hall to your room, slamming the door behind you and barreling into your bathroom, to drop to your knees in front of the toilet bowl, wrenching violently into it.

Henry carefully opened your bedroom door, hearing your dry heaves, and followed the sound of it. “Hey.” He whispered, kneeling beside you and rubbing your back, his face showing his deep concern for you.

“I as-asked you t-to leave.” You wheezed, panting into the bowl, your heavy tears dripping into it.

“I know you did.” Henry sighed, still rubbing your back in a reassuring way. “But, I can't just leave you like this.” He said, getting up and finding a wash cloth hanging on the towel rack and ran it under the sink faucet. “I never meant to upset you.” He whispered, gently wiping the cool cloth over your temples, forehead and cheeks, even pressing it to the back of your neck for a moment.

“You didn't know.” You sighed, squeezing your eyes shut. “Only a few people know what that is.”

Henry gulped, a pit in his stomach and bit his lip for a moment. “You said...” He took a deep breath. “You said, it was your son.” He said, chewing his bottom lip to bits.

“I did.” You whimpered, sitting down and pressing your back to the side of the cold tub. “When I was twenty, I was dating a guy, but we broke it off. Two months later, I found out I was pregnant with his baby. I told him and he wanted nothing to do with me, or the baby. Shocker of the century.” You chuckled, but whined at how sore your throat was.

“What happened?” Henry frowned, resting back against the vanity, and drawing his knees up.

“Well, I had the usual three options.” You sighed, staring up at the ceiling. “Have the baby and give it up for adopting, keep him or the other option.” You said, glancing at him for a moment, to get the point across. “I wasn't going to the latter thing, wasn't something I could live with. So, over the next eight and a half months, I tossed back and forth between adoption or keeping him. I thought, just before labor happened, that I was going to put him up for adoption. I was twenty, still living at home and had a shit job. What life could I give him, a struggling mother and an absent father.”

You paused for a moment, lost in a memory.

“But, when I finally gave birth to him, and I saw him in all his bloody, messy and screaming glory, I was enamored by him. He was beautiful and perfect, but importantly, he was mine. My son. I made him.” You scoffed, shaking your head. “With a little help, I suppose. But, I made him, with my body, my blood and flesh, inside me for months. It was like, I already knew him and he already knew me.”

“Pals for the ages.”

You smiled and closed your eyes, tears dripping down your cheeks, as you recalled his little face, the warmth and weight of his teeny body in your arms, his smooth and downy skin against your chest. Hearing him coo at you, just before he latched onto your breast and fed, or how he squirmed as you bathed him. You would stay awake for hours, not caring how absolutely wrecked and exhausted you were from the day, to watch him sleep in the little cradle that attached you to the side of your bed. Remembering the first time he laughed, you blew a raspberry on his tummy as you changed his pamper and he became hysterical, filling your ears with that absolutely magical baby laugh, that no matter how horrible your day was going and how shitty you felt, you couldn't help but laugh along too; blowing more and more raspberries against his squirmy body and flailing arms and legs, his face bright with a face splitting grin.

“What happened?” Henry whispered, his voice weak and stomach clenching.

You choked suddenly as the horrible memory strangled you, like it had over the long years. “My boss made me work late one night, so I left him with my mother, she babysat him all the time, he was her first grand-baby and she was almost as wild about him as I was. I was a few hours into my shift, when my mom called, and I knew, instantly, something was wrong. She always called me before she put him to sleep, so I could talk to him and hear his little noises; and she had already done that.”

“Two hours before.”

“She had gone into check on him, and..” You froze, your breathing faltering and gripped the rug beneath you, tearing at it as your grief slammed into you. “He wasn't breathing and wouldn't respond. She called medical services, then called me, while they tried to save him.”

Henry's chin hit his chest, a tight bubble of grief in him. “I'm so sorry.” He whimpered, crushed for you, realizing what he had picked up was indeed your son, his urn. “I'm sorry.” He choked, moving over to you and hugging you against his body, letting you sob into his chest, soaking his shirt with your anguished tears, your heart splitting wails crushing him, like a factory of bricks.

“My boy.” You howled, clinging onto Henry, twisting your hands up in the back of his sweater. “My baby boy.”

“I know.” Henry choked and held you tight, tears dripping from his scruffy jaw and into your hair, rocking both of you. “I know, love. I know.”

“I miss him, Henry.” You sighed and sniffled, looking up at him. “I miss him, with every fiber of my soul and life.”

Henry smiled softly at you, brushing your hair out of your face. “I know you do, sweetheart. I know you do. But, he's still with you. He will always be with you, darling. In your heart and in your soul. Because you made him, with your body, your blood and your flesh, inside of you for months, and he's still in your body, blood and flesh, here and now, forever and always.” He told you, cupping your face in his shaking hands.

“Nothing and no one can ever take that, or him, from you. Even if he's not here with you, physically.”

You looked into Henry's baby blue, bloody shot and teary eyes, sucking your wobbling lip between your teeth, chin shaking as your body was wracked with a wave of new tears and emotions. No one had ever said something like that to you before. Everyone that knew about your son told you to move on, that the pain would pass and lessen, but it only grew worse over the years. Missing out on his first tooth coming in or losing one and sneaking money under his pillow for the tooth fairy, his first steps and word. His first day of school, his first crush on someone, watching him grow tall and do some many things you saw other kids doing. Your mother even suggested finding a guy and having another kid, but that thought horrified you, afraid that the same thing would happen all over again.

But, Henry's words had instilled something in your sore and cracked heart, like putting a plaster on it. He was right, your son might not be here physically anymore, but you had created him with your own body, nestled in your womb, his DNA was yours and it was still alive, so he was still alive, in that way.

“His name,” You said softly, letting go of your trembling lip. “was Julian.”

Henry smiled at you. “It's a beautiful name.” He replied, gently.

It was then, that it struck you, something you had only just realized as you shared a devastating, raw and such a personal moment that you have never shared with anyone else, or even talked about with the people that did, that you tried to avoid thinking about. You had freely given Henry the information about Julian, you had never told any of the guys you previously saw or dated, a few asked about the small, silver and blue urn, but you always changed the subject.

Why had you told Henry about him, so freely, letting down all the thick walls you had built around yourself over the years? You had known him for two months and been only four or five dates, but you felt safe with him; loved, understood and listened to.

Henry wrapped his arms around you and stood you both back up, guiding you back into the living room, sitting you down on the couch, then went into the kitchen, finding two glasses and two bottles of wine on the kitchen counter, obviously you had come into the living room as he picked up Julian's urn to ask which bottle he wanted. He just grabbed one, pulled the cork out of the neck and poured you both a glass, before bringing it out to you; sitting on the couch with you tucked into his warm and protective side. Neither of you said anything, sitting quietly on the couch, sipping your glasses of wine, in silence.

“Thank you.” You whispered, your voice still hoarse from all your crying. “I've been hanging onto that for so long.”

“Of course.” He whispered back, gently kissing your temple. “I'll always be here, if you need to talk it out, or cry it out.” He told you, giving you a tender expression, before hugging you snugly.

[drethanramslay]

A Christmas Miracle

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Leah Garcia)

Word Count: 1650 words

Masterlist

Warnings: None, its fluffy 🥰

Author’s note: Woah its been a while since I have posted and I truly apologize for the lack of content on my side🙈 But here I am, completely in my feels because its Christmas!! Merry Chrysler y’all. I hope you like this fic💓

I have decided to take part in @choicesweeklychallenge​ and the prompt is in bold-  “Merry Christmas, here's your gift.”

I am also taking part in @choicesdecemberchallenge and the prompt is Christmas

Song: I was listening to 80′s/ 90′s Christmas songs so you can do that as well

"Leah?"

Ethan's deep voice reverberated down the hallway as he placed his car keys in the funky bowl he had mixed feelings about.

"It will add some colour to our bare house, E." She had said as she patted his arm but all Ethan wanted to do was throw the abomination into the bay.

It was one of Leah's impulsive purchases in the local flea market which Ethan absolutely hated. While the vendor said it was some form of abstract art, it looked like a mangled kidney. At one point it may resemble a bowl but right now, the neon colours just made Ethan's head ache and itch to trash it.

It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission, right?

"Ethan? I am in the living room." Her lovely voice floated towards him as he hung his coat on the hook and sighed as the warmth of the central heating engulfed him in a bubble of warmth and comfort.

Leah was busy setting up the moderate-sized Christmas tree they had near the gigantic windows through which moonlight poured in. The in-built fireplace was raring with a lovely fire, which cast dancing shadows all around their house- a comfortable and large place with plenty of sunshine and tranquility. It was located a little further away from the hustle and bustle of the city but at the same time, it was a mere ten-minute drive to the hospital.

Ethan found the house adequately decorated and was a perfectly acceptable accommodation but according to Leah, it was dull and in dire need of life. But sadly, the long strenuous shifts at the hospital didn’t give them much time to paint the walls or add Leah’s collection of trinkets.

But it has just been six months since we have shifted. I could always take her to IKEA during the three days off for Christmas.

As he walked in and took his beanie and gloves, he noticed that she was wearing his sweater and socks, which caused his lips to twitch with an amused smile.

"You stole my socks this time?"

She turned around and shot him an innocent shrug, an impish smile on her lips. "They are so much more comfier than mine."

He shook his head as he placed his messenger bag in its place. "At the rate you are stealing my clothes, I won't have anything to wear."

She answered without turning towards him. “You say it like it is a bad thing.”

Ethan rolled his eyes and replied, sarcasm lacing his baritone voice. “You would enjoy that, won’t you?”

She turned and placed a hand on her hip and shifted her weight to her right leg. “I take this no clothes policy at home very seriously. You should start doing that soon my dearest husband.”

He chuckled lowly as he headed towards his wife.

His wife... He still couldn't get over the immense joy he felt when he addressed her that. The day when she said yes to be his, was one of the best days of his life. It was not a very big ceremony, only close friends and family had been invited. It was a mesmerizing, joyous and magical day which he could never forget.

The sheer contentment he felt when he looked at the gold band on his ring finger was a reminder of how their souls were intertwined forever and there was nothing which could compare to the rush of emotions he felt.

He placed his large hands on her waist and turned her towards him. She complied and looked up. A radiant smile made its way on her face which caused an onslaught of butterflies in the pit of his stomach. There won't be a day when he won't feel those butterflies when she smiled at him that way.

He reached to cup her warm cheek causing her to involuntarily shiver. "You are cold Ethan," She chattered.

"Care to warm me up?" He asked with a sly smirk playing on his lips.

Immediately Leah lifted to her tiptoes and Ethan bent down so that their lips could meet. It was a sweet kiss of passion, a million loving thoughts condensed into a moment.

She pulled back and her hands reached into his brunette locks and combed her fingers through them. "Now that you are here, can you help me with decorating the place?"

"You want to decorate the place? Isn't the tree enough?"

"Just putting on a Christmas tree and slapping some decorations isn't enough! We need to put up stockings, presents under the tree, streamers, candle-"

"Sunshine... That is way too much."

"No, it's not. It's not like we are lacking place in this dry and bare living room-"

"Minimalistic living is an important lifestyle!"

“No, it is a boring lifestyle. I have told you we need to add more colour-”

They bickered back and forth before coming to a compromise which consisted of setting up the tree, the stockings and a few candles here and there.

Ethan grumbled as he placed a red bauble on one of the branches. 90’s Christmas songs were blasting through the speakers to which Leah sang as she hung three stockings above the fireplace with Ethan, Jenner and her names on it. He stepped to the side, out of Leah’s way as she shuffled in with the fairy lights and a gigantic star.

Jenner was in a very merry mood as well. She followed Leah with what seemed as starry eyes, yipping and providing her input every now and then. As Leah wrapped the tree with fairy lights, Ethan stood on the side and watched the entire scene unfold, a smile on his lips.

The way their small family worked together... Made his heart burst with gratitude, happiness and love.

"E, could you help me put the star on top of the tree?"

Ethan was going to follow through but in the last moment, he lifted Leah, causing her to yelp. "Ethan!"

"What? I am helping you."

She shot him a dry look as she placed the star on top. "You think you are very smooth?"

"Only for you, love."

A gentle blush decorated her face as she awkwardly coughed and straightened the invisible wrinkles on his- their sweater.

I should make her flustered more often.

"Uhh… Do you want your gift now? I mean it's already twelve and technically it's Christmas." Leah asked, her eyes glittering like the inky night sky, an undertone of excitement shining like stars.

Ethan cocked an eyebrow, equal parts intrigued and wary. He nodded his head and Leah skipped towards the dining table as if eagerness provided a boost in her step. She reached for a paper bag with snowflakes printed on it and walked back towards Ethan.

“You might want to sit down for this.”

Uncertainty coloured his features as he took his place on the comfortable couch. “Leah… what is going on?”

“Merry Christmas, here's your gift. Open it,” She handed the bag to him and Ethan stuck his hand inside to find his gift. His fingers brushed against a smooth cloth which he clutched and pulled out so that he could scrutinize it better under the bright light of the room.

“Relax my dad is a doctor…” He read it slowly, his heart thundering against his chest, threatening to leap out as the realization set in.

“Sunshine…?” He looked up to see small tears on the edge of Leah’s beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

“Yes.”

“I am going to be a dad?” He asked, disbelief laced as he held the onesie against his chest. He looked at her face then her stomach.

“Yes, Ethan.”

“We are going to be parents?”

Leah chuckled as happy tears slipped down her face. She nodded her head. “Yes, Ethan. We are going to be parents.”

In a split of a second, Leah was pulled into a crushing hug and spun, causing her to laugh and wrap her arms around his neck. “Ethan!!”

“Leah, we are going to be parents.” Ethan whispered to her as he set her down and gazed lovingly into those familiar earthy hues which had come to be his safe place- his home. Leah cupped his cheek. “Yes, E. We would be some bomb ass parents.”

He placed his hand on her lower abdomen, a grin on his face. “I don’t know what that means but I trust it means well. When did you know?”

Leah smiled lovingly and placed her hand over his. “I found out two weeks ago when I had been late for my period. I had a hunch since I had been feeling sicker than usual. I took a blood test and lo and behold.”

“Did you already do the ultrasound?”

“Nope, I was waiting to tell you so that we could go together, tomorrow morning- well technically today-” Leah continued to babble when Ethan interrupted her.

“Leah?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

Ethan placed a chaste kiss on her lips, trying to convey all the emotions he was feeling. All the babbling thoughts on Leah’s mind died immediately as his lips engulfed hers in a passionate embrace. He rested his forehead against hers, his arms still around her. “Thank you so much, Leah… I am so blessed to have you and our little creation. I love you.”

“I love you too Ethan. I am so excited to start this new chapter in our lives together. I can’t wait to tell our family and friends.”

“Your dad is going to kill me.”

“Nah, he won’t”

“Well, I would for our daughter.”

“Ethan... we don’t know if it is a girl. For all, we know it could be a boy.”

“It is a fifty-fifty chance and I have a good feeling it is going to be a girl, sunshine. Can’t wait to spoil all my three girls.” Jenner barked in agreeance in the background causing them to laugh.

And for the rest of the night, they celebrated their Christmas miracle in each other’s arms.

I hope you liked it and it certainly was uncharted territory for me to write married AU😅 

Love you all and season’s greetings

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[bright-eyes-strawberry-lies]

My (incomplete) Notes on The Lightning Thief

Percy Jackson, at 12 years old, is miserable

Percy is trying very hard to be good

Percy reacts violently when his friends are threatened

“I’m going to kill her” 

I wish I’d decked her right there

Percy turns red when he gets called on 

Percy knows a lot about both Greek and Roman gods

Percy has an “I’ll-kill-you-later” stare

Percy gives “safe” answers to authority figures

Percy sells an illegal candy stash out of his dorm room

Percy knows about shrooms and thinks that he was drugged on the field trip

Percy has nightmares about the teacher (Kindly One) that he killed

Percy has to get summer jobs

Grover is a very bad liar

Percy almost cries in class when his favorite teacher tells him that he’s different

Percy gets into fights to protect Grover from bullies

Percy sees the Fates snipping the thread and knows he’s going to die

Grover mentions that it’s always 6th graders who are killed

Percy ditches Grover at the bus stop

Grover’s bladder acts up when he gets nervous

Sally Jackson took night classes to get her GED

She wanted to be a novelist

Gabe Ugliano is Percy’s stepdad

His cigars make Percy nauseous 

He drinks beer and leaves a mess everywhere

He takes money from Percy and uses it to fund his gambling and calls it their “guy secret.”

If Percy tells Sally, he’ll “punch Percy’s lights out”

Gabe takes over Percy’s room while Percy is at school

Gabe makes fun of Percy’s grades

Sally works at a candy shop and brings Percy blue candy

She runs her hands through his hair and asks him how he’s doing

She never raises her voice or says anything unkind to anyone

Percy wants to punch Gabe

Percy wants to kick Gabe in the balls and “make him sing soprano for week” 

Gabe blamed Percy for things that aren’t his fault

Percy makes a hand gesture that Grover did, but at Gabe, and the screen door slammed shut 

They have a rental cabin on the beach that is “half hidden in the dunes, full of sand and spiders”

Percy and his mom eat blue foods because Gabe said there’s no such thing as blue food. It’s an act of rebellion. 

Percy thinks that his mom doesn’t want him around

Percy is mad at Poseidon for leaving him and his mom

In preschool, Percy is put to sleep in a crib at school. The crib had a snake in it and Percy strangled the snake to death. 

Percy has a dream that a horse (Poseidon) and an eagle (Zeus) are fighting to the death

“O Zeu kai alloi theoi” means “Oh Zeus and other gods!” 

Percy experiences panic when he realizes that his teacher was a monster trying to kill him

Lightning hits the camaro and blasts off the roof

Percy’s got good instincts; the hair frequently raises on the back of his neck when he’s in danger

Sally gets killed by the minotaur 

She’s actually stolen by Hades

Percy rips off the minotaur’s horn and impales it into his side

Percy is crying, weak, trembling with grief and he literally carries Grover and drops onto a porch

Annabeth tries to get Percy to talk while she’s spoon-feeding Percy ambrosia 

Percy has been unconscious for two days after his fight with the minotaur

Percy would rather live on the streets than live with Gabe

He considers lying about his age and joining the army

Percy is very good at telling when adults have been drinking

Grover is nervous about Mr. D

But he still manages to ask for the diet coke can to eat

  The farm house is four stories tall, sky blue and white trim

The camp grows strawberries and the campers pick them

Grover is 28 years old but satyrs mature at half the rate that humans do

The Poseidon cabin walls glow like abalone. There are six empty beds with silk sheets. It smells salty. 

Chiron gets horribly depressed about training heroes

Luke is very handsome except for a thick white scar that runs from his right eye to his jaw.

He’s the son of Hermes and the counselor 

Luke is 19

He’s in cabin 11

Monsters will always reform because they don’t have souls

The bathrooms are cinder block buildings with a line of toilets and a line of showers; there’s a girls and a boys

Percy feels a tug in the pit of his stomach when he uses his powers

Annabeth just watched Clarisse drag Percy into the bathroom to give him a swirly 

Luke steals Percy some toiletries from the camp store. 

Percy is not good at archery, foot racing, or wrestling

The only thing that Percy is good at is canoeing 

Percy can’t find a blade that fits right in his hand. 

Luke has been the best swordsman in 300 years

Percy bests him after pouring ice water on his head (son of Poseidon) 

Hades doesn’t have a cabin at Camp Half-Blood or a throne on Olympus. They say that it would be bad if there was a cabin for Hades. 

Sixty years ago, after World War 2, the big three gods made an oath not to have more kids.

Two of them broke it; Zeus with Jason and Thalia, Poseidon with Percy.

When Hades found out, he let out all three Kindly Ones and a pack of Hellhounds

Thalia wound up becoming a tree. 

Grover was the satyr assigned to bring only Thalia in. Thalia had befriended Annabeth and Luke, and she wouldn’t leave them behind. 

Percy thinks that Luke’s scar makes him look almost evil

Clarisse has an electric spear

It makes Percy go numb wherever she touches him with it

One of the boys in Cabin 5 (Ares) cuts Percy across the arm

Once Percy gets into the water, he’s very good at fighting

Luke wins capture the flag

Annabeth has a Yankee's cap that makes her invisible. It was a gift from her mother. 

Annabeth is the first person to figure out that Poseidon is Percy’s father.

No wait, Grover was first and then Chiron. Well, they knew he was one of the Big Three’s son.

As soon as Percy steps out of the water, he is exhausted and in pain.

When Hellhounds die, they melt into shadow and soak into the ground.

Hellhounds are from the fields of punishment.

When Poseidon claims Percy, everyone kneels.

“Poseidon, Earthshaker, Stormbringer, Father of Horses. Hail, Perseus Jackson, Son of the Sea God.”

Percy is miserable being alone in Cabin Three and being so isolated. He would rather get into fights every day than be ignored. People are steering clear of Percy. 

Except for Luke, who gives Percy one-on-one sword training. 

Annabeth teaches Percy Greek but she’s distracted.

Gabe tells the press that Percy is violent and a troubled kid. The newspapers say that Percy may be involved in his mother’s disappearance. 

Gabe also tells the press that Percy has expressed violent tendencies in the past.

Percy has more dreams of Zeus and Poseidon fighting. He hears Kronos’ voice calling to him. 

It doesn’t rain in Camp Half-Blood (or even get overcast) unless they want it to. 

Dionysus wants to kill Percy. 

Percy gets embarrassed when he knows something someone doesn’t want or expect him to. 

Percy has a nervous laugh. 

Illegal copies can be made of the Gods Symbols of Power.

Percy has tried to steal pizza from Gabe’s poker parties and got busted for it.

Percy is furious that the camp is being punished for his existence. He thinks he’s responsible for the gods' fight. 

The Big House attic is four flights up. It’s full of mementos from old demigod fights. 

Percy is scared of the oracle. 

Percy’s fists clench at the very sight of Gabe. 

Percy doesn’t have many friends. 

Percy isn’t afraid of Hades; he wants to get revenge and take Hades on. 

Gods can’t encroach on each other’s territories but demigods can. Gods can’t be held responsible for heroes actions. 

Percy describes his emotions as rolling glass in a kaleidoscope. 

Percy is so relieved that Grover is coming with him that he wants to cry. 

Annabeth volunteered to go on the Quest. Percy is not surprised. 

Previously, Luke told Percy that Annabeth has been harassing Chiron for a prophecy and that she’s been hanging onto all of the new campers until she’s sure they aren’t the chosen one. 

Annabeth says that Percy will mess up this quest without her even though he’s been more than adequate at handling everything that’s been thrown his way. 

The camp store loans Percy $100.00 and 20 golden drachmas. 

He’s also given a canteen of nectar and a ziplock bag full of ambrosia squares.

The ambrosia and nectar is only to be used in emergencies; it will kill a mortal and demigods will literally burn up if they overdose. 

Annabeth’s cap was given to her on her twelfth birthday by her mom, Athena. 

Luke actually runs up the hill to give them the basketball shoes. They’re the flying shoes he got from his dad for his quest when he was seventeen. 

Luke gives the shoes directly to Percy. 

Percy is worried that Luke would have been jealous of the attention he’s been getting.

Percy blushes because Luke gave him the magic gift. 

Luke seems uncomfortable talking to Percy. He trails off three times and uses “um.” And then there’s an [awkward] handshake. 

Luke pats Grover between the horns and gives Annabeth a hug.

Annabeth’s crush on Luke has been brought up three times so far. 

Percy figures out by this one interaction that Annabeth let Luke capture the flag instead of her. 

Percy thinks that he’s a brat for wanting a magical gift from his father. 

Riptide (Anaklusmos) is a gift from Poseidon that Chiron has been holding onto for the next child of Poseidon. 

Riptide is forged by the Cyclopes, tempered in the heart of Mount Etna, and cooled in the River Lethe. 

Mortals aren’t important enough for the blade to kill but it will kill demigods and anything from the Underworld. 

Percy thinks that the real world feels like a fantasy after spending two weeks at Half-Blood Hill. 

Percy thinks that Annabeth hates him. 

Annabeth thinks they have to be rivals because their parents are. 

Annabeth was also mean to him before she knew who his dad was.

Even after two weeks away from Gabe, Grover can still smell him on Percy.

This makes Percy immediately want a shower.

Grover says that Percy should be thankful Sally was with someone who smelled so repulsively human because it kept the monsters away and that Sally must have loved Percy a lot to put up with that guy.

This does not make Percy feel better but he hides his feelings; or hopes he does since satyrs can sense emotions with or without an empathy link. 

Percy is on the quest because he wants to save his mom.

He is not on the quest to retrieve Zeus’s lightning bolt

Or to save the world 

Or to help his dad out of trouble. Percy is actually really, really angry with Poseidon for never visiting or helping Sally. 

Annabeth and Percy are good at playing hacky sack. 

The three Furies are considered the worst monsters in the Underworld. 

Percy had a chance to escape on the bus and didn’t take it. 

Alecto threatens to kill Percy (again)

Percy can speak Latin

Percy knows that the Greek Gods (Zeus and Hades in particular) are being assholes to him. 

The food at Camp Half-Blood is grapes, bread, cheese, and extra-lean-cut nymph-prepared barbecue. 

“Your head is full of kelp.”

In Aunty Em’s emporium, Percy says that the smell of her cooking makes everything else go away, however he still has the sense of mind to notice Grover whimpering, the statues’ eyes following them, and Auntie Em locking the door. 

Percy’s neck tingles when he’s in danger. 

Percy is annoyed that Annabeth is being rude to a woman who just fed them for free. 

[elsanna-shenanigans]

June Contest Submission #13: sound of rain

Words: ca. 5,500 Setting: mAU Lemon: No CW: Angst, incest shame, mentions of driving in storms

What were Anna’s greatest fears, you ask? Well, for starters, she was scared of clowns. And spiders. And those Minecraft icebergs videos on youtube that always played creepy music in the background and promised to not discuss creepypastas of any kind (but were always lying. Those especially kept her up at night).

However, not even the most predictable jumpscare, which always sent Anna falling off her chair like the adult she was, could hold a candle to the way her stomach sank when her mother called that one night at 7 pm. Anna could barely hear her phone below the branches rattling against the windows and the heavy rain loudly splattering on their roof. She’d already been on edge since she heard the wind blowing a little bit harsher than usual. It resembled a woman’s shriek. But when she tiptoed towards her phone (like she did whenever she was spooked), she was thrust into a much more horrifying ordeal, one she’d been trying to avoid every time the chance came up. Her throat went dry. She clenched her fist.

“Anna, love, we won’t be able to make it home tonight.”

They’d leave them alone. The two sisters. Alone at night.

“We’ll stay with some friends. They live only a few blocks away from work.”

Heavy footfalls echoed down the stairs. A wretched feeling clawed at Anna’s stomach. 

“We already told your sister. She’ll take care of you.”

Her sister. Elsa, her sister, who stood now on the bottom of the stairs, staring at Anna without interrupting this one-sided stream of words their mother poured into her ears. The shirt she wore was shoulderless. 

Anna coughed.

“O-oh! Is it really that bad over there?”

“The streets are flooded, love. Crap, I think it’s only getting worse. We’ll leave in the morning as soon as it’s safe.”

Safe. 

Anna swallowed.

“Is that alright? Do you need us? We… we could try to drive there if you’re scared.”

“No!” Anna blurted, startling Elsa. “Wait, what? No-no-no-no, you guys stay there. Elsa and I will be fine, right, Els?” She shot her sister a quick look. Elsa nodded. “We’ll… we’ll have a girl’s night. Paint each other’s nails and stuff. Easy-peasy!”

Elsa nodded again. 

‘Easy-peasy’. Who ever said that? Why would Anna say that? It wasn’t easy-peasy at all.

Anna wasn’t an easily scared person. Sure, she used to snuggle with her sister during the scary parts of Sharkboy and Lavagirl, but that was in the past. She was a very responsible 18-years-old grown-up now. Planning a trip for her gap year once school was over and all. She wasn’t scared of spending a night without her parents, and she wasn’t scared of some rain. She wasn’t even scared of Elsa’s terrible cooking.

Something else that kept her on edge.

There was this boy at school. He was in her class. A senior, like her. He was funny. Cute, even. They liked to hang out during lunchtime and free periods. He was mostly nice to her, but there was this thing he’d said that day, just as a light rain began to fall. Just a tiny thing that stayed with her after school was over. 

Her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth.

“Are you trying to stab your meal?” Elsa asked. Anna realized she was holding her knife above the poor tortured pasta. She must have been punishing it without noticing.

“Sorry,” she murmured, then placed the knife down. “I’m just… just…”

She looked up, and her heart sank a little. Her sister’s eyes were downcast, her expression melancholic and somber. She avoided her sister’s gaze.

Anna’s mouth shut.

She’d been getting too caught up in her inner ramblings. 

“Are you alright? You look a bit down.”

Elsa smiled sadly and shook her head. 

“It’s nothing.”

Anna squinted, studying Elsa’s expression. Her lopsided smile, her delicate hands on the table, her avoidant gaze.

“I know what’s wrong. You’re thinking about Honeymaren again.”

Elsa exhaled through her nose. It was that nose-exhale laugh that was barely a laugh, but Anna always counted it as one to add to her mental list of times she made Elsa laugh.

“Is it that obvious?”

“I just know that face. Your secret is safe with me,” Anna promised, with a smile. “Now, spill it. What’s on your mind?”

Elsa shrugged.

“I… don’t know. I feel like I wasn’t honest with her. About… how I felt.”

Anna frowned, but didn’t interrupt.

Elsa breathed deeply. She still avoided Anna’s gaze.

“It wasn’t fair for her. That is all.”

“Don’t you think your sister should know?”

The boy’s voice echoed between her ears. Anna resisted the urge to sweep her head from side to side.

Now she was avoiding Elsa’s gaze, and she was sure she was blushing. It must be visible under the kitchen’s cold light. Her leg began bouncing, almost on its own. It did that when she had too much energy. Or when she was uneasy. 

A bitter feeling settled in her stomach. She could escape from her thoughts for some time but not forever. Everything was a potential reminder.

“Anna.”

Anna’s head snapped up. Her mind went blank for a moment. 

She found her sister’s eyes locked with hers. They were kind. Gentle.

“Thank you for asking,” Elsa said. Anna’s heart gave a leap, because those eyes were on her, and her sister was gazing at her and that was such an unbelievable honor, to be seen by this wonderful woman. 

Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth again. She clenched her teeth. She gulped audibly. Her vocal cords seemed to be tied up.

In that moment, the need to tell her everything seized her. It was the need to be honest with Elsa and the need to get it out of her mind. She craved comfort and reassurance.

She had Elsa’s full attention, but no matter how much Anna wanted it, she held herself back.

Instead, she smiled and stood up.

“Come on. I’ll do the dishes.”

Because here’s the thing: Anna was a loving, caring, protecting soul. She liked listening to boys at school complain about their many brothers. She liked hearing about her parents’ work. She even liked hearing Elsa talk about her crushes, her fears, her college classes, or her ex-girlfriends. As she saw it, providing a safe space and a willing ear was a big part of loving others,

Another big part of loving others was knowing when to keep quiet.

There simply were issues you wouldn’t discuss with some of your friends. That’s just a fact. You probably wouldn’t gush about boys or girls with your grandma, and you wouldn’t ask your friends in sophomore year for help setting up a bank account. Ever since Honeymaren, Anna had been careful not to burden Elsa too much. She didn’t tell her about her falling-out with her best friend, Kristoff, or about her doubts and anxieties concerning college. Right now, Elsa needed peace and support.

Likewise, some matters belonged in the therapist’s office, and not in family dinners. 

Anna wasn’t easily scared. This wasn’t fear. It was logic. It was making the smartest decision. Doing the right thing for the people you love. 

Doing the dishes was soothing. Under the hard splash of the water, she could almost drown out the memory of the boy’s words (“You do know you’re obvious, right? Does she know you’re this obsessed with her?”) and the rough rain hitting the roof. It was getting louder. Heavier. She wondered if power would go out. She wondered if her parents were alright half a city away.

“We should call them before heading to bed,” Elsa commented. Anna’s twisted mind extrapolated some very wicked thoughts out of Elsa’s wording.

“Y-yeah,” she agreed, and her mind couldn’t come up with anything smarter to say, so she bit her lip and decided to leave it at that instead of clumsily rambling and risking saying something she didn’t mean. 

Elsa waited for her to finish washing. It was awkward. Of the two, Anna was the only one who knew how to maintain a conversation (under normal circumstances, but sharing space with Elsa hadn’t felt like a normal circumstance in a very long time). So, Elsa, unable to come up with a thing to say, simply paced around the kitchen until Anna was done. She didn’t know why. Anna wasn’t providing much of a spectacle. 

They headed to bed a few minutes later. A strong wind had joined the rain in their torment, and they both mockingly swirled around the house and scratched the walls and windows with their twig-claws and their cloud-shawls. If you looked out the window, you wouldn’t see an inch of asphalt on the streets: they were completely hidden by a glistening layer of rainwater. If you opened the window, you’d hear the vertiginous slosh of water against water. When Anna was fourteen, she and her family had gone to see the Niagara Falls (Elsa had held her hand the entire time), and the sheer thunderous loudness could put this city rainfall to shame, but it was the closest comparison Anna could find. It was harsh. It was maddening. It was growing louder and Anna’s gut was twisted into a tighter and tighter knot. 

She gulped and decided not to look out the window.

She shot Elsa a quick half-assed goodbye and locked herself in her room, and then she sighed.

Safe at last.

Her room was a mess, but it was her mess. The kind of mess you would describe as encrypted data if you knew how encrypted data worked. Whatever. The point was that only Anna, with the use of her unique knowledge of her room’s jungle, could find lost phones, hairbands and socks among the piles of clothes and half-finished paper crafts scattered around the floor and on the carpet, which had been folded in half when Anna tripped over it, and she’d never brought herself to fix it. The boy band posters and continental maps on her wall were all about to fall off and her poor Duolingo Owl plushie somehow ended up under her bed. She rescued him, sat cross-legged on her bed, and hugged him to her chest, seeking some warmth and comfort. It… it was growing quite cold. She’d need to find another blanket. Somewhere.

She sent her parents a quick goodnight text, read some Supernatural fanfiction on her phone for a few minutes, and gave another try to her Duolingo course after being harassed by the feral green bird a little. She tried everything to distract herself from this odd empty feeling in her stomach.

It wasn’t that she was scared. Okay, sure: the loud whistling wind and the heavy rain did make her nervous, but that was ridiculous. She had no reason why. The one time her family had been stuck in a storm like this, they’d been driving down the road, in the dark, in the rain. A light flashed before them (a driver with broken headlights), and her dad hit the brakes. The wheels slid across the water. He lost control for a moment, her mother yelped, the car accelerated out of control and…

And then her father took control again. He’d steered the wheel in just the right way and drove them home safely. Anna didn’t even remember being scared back then. It had been like a rollercoaster for her, and she loved those. 

Her sister didn’t deal with it as nicely. She had an anxiety attack and refused to get in the car for the following week. Anna had decided to join her mutiny in solidarity, and they ended up walking to school together for some time. Anna wasn’t sure how she did it, but her mere presence and support seemed to calm Elsa’s nerves, even if they were only eleven and fourteen at the time, and neither knew what to do in scary situations.

Funnily enough, Anna wouldn’t say she knew any better at eighteen. Elsa was older, so hopefully she did. Hopefully, she’d figured out the way. 

Those were the main thoughts coursing through her mind when she heard her sister knock on her door.

“Anna? Are you awake?”

Anna… kind of froze. She gripped her plushie and faced the side of her room opposite to the door. Oh, what should she say? Was Elsa worried? Had she given her a reason to worry?

“No, I’m not!” Anna shouted back. Yes, alright. That would communicate she was awake if Elsa needed her, but she didn’t want to get up, all tied up with a little bit of humor to quell whatever anxieties were tormenting her big sister this time.

Anna’s anxieties, however? They squeezed her heart like a hand. Squeeze and release. Squeeze and release. Like a stress ball. Pounding blood. Into her ears. It was harsh and maddening.

A pause.

“I just wanted to say… if you need anything, I’ll be in my room.”

Anna nodded, even though Elsa couldn’t see her.

“Thanks!” 

Her own voice sounded so loud. So hysteric. Was she hysteric? She felt hysteric. Too loud. She was vaguely aware of Elsa’s footsteps retreating.

Her heart sprang painfully. She’d worried her. She didn’t mean to worry her, yet at the same time hearing her leave only filled her with deeper desperation. The wind howled outside. It shook the whole house. Rain seeped through every nook and cranny. Power would go out. Anna was sure of it. What if a cable post was knocked down by the wind? What if a tree did? There was one right next to Anna’s room. If the wind blew in just the right way it could crush her. 

She curled deeper into her covers. Oh, how she wished Elsa had kicked down the door and entered Anna’s room unannounced. She wished Elsa had stayed with her.

There had been a time in which Anna felt very safe in her sister’s arms, before she started to turn into something else. Back then, her hugs felt so warm and gentle and loving, like nothing could harm her as long as she stayed there. With time, her brain began to give them a different resignify them into something less wholesome. Something more… erotic. Anna couldn’t remember the last time she’d dared to embrace her sister.

When had that happened? Was it when Anna was in middle school and she began to admire her sister a bit more than usual for girls her age? Did she turn into what she was now when she realized what it meant? Was she born with it?

Anna was a brave girl, but the idea of being “born with it” was the most terrifying of all.

“You’re so obvious, Anna.”

It was stronger than her.

A low rumble in the distance. Loud. Louder. Followed by a flashing light.

Her heart stopped. Lungs stopped. Throat dried. Wind screamed and Branches rattled. Her muscles burned with tension as she gripped her plushie to her chest.

…Well, Elsa wasn’t coming for her. But she did offer an invitation. And… and she wouldn’t have to do anything. Anna would just sit there. In her room. It wasn’t odd or concerning for people to be anxious during storms. It was such a small and harmless weight to dump on Elsa’s shoulders, nothing at all like the words brewing at the bottom of Anna’s throat. Not a burden. Not something disturbing, scary, off-putting.

So she slid her legs off the bed, opened the door, and carefully tip-toed across the hallway, still holding the plushie, and then she knocked on Elsa’s door.

It took a moment.

“Come in.”

Anna sighed dramatically. She hesitated, but twisted the doorknob regardless and quietly slipped in.

Elsa’s room was nothing like hers. For starters, she had a huge periodic table on her wall. That should say enough about her place of dwelling. Still, cool science stuff aside, Anna could never help but notice the adorable baby pink bed covers on her bed, always so neatly laid, or her pristine wooden floors, the family photos hanging on the wall, on every spot free from scientific stuff and broadway posters. She had all of her hockey trophies arranged on a shelf, and a few embroidery supplies on her desk. On her bedside, there was a tiny door frame with a picture of her and Anna, on that Niagara Falls vacation. They looked so tiny and childish and innocent. 

Elsa was already in bed, but she was sitting up and turning on the bedside lamp as soon as Anna entered. She wore a slightly-too-flattering white nightgown. 

“Anna?” 

Her gentle raspy voice broke Anna out of her thoughts. She blinked.

“Uh?”

“Is everything alright?” Elsa asked. Her loose hair was flawless. How could her hair be so flawless?

“Y-you mean me? Yes! Yes, I’m… totally good,” she stammered, then shifted on her feet, wrung her hands together and said: “I just… I-it’s pretty rainy outside, isn’t it?”

Elsa opened her mouth to speak, but then another crash of thunder shook Anna’s eardrums, and next thing she knew, she was cowering under Elsa’s covers like a scared puppy. Head hidden and all. 

Her sister chuckled and stroked Anna’s head through the blankets.

“Are you still totally good?”

“…Maybe?” Anna squeaked. “I-I think I’ll be more good here.”

She could almost feel Elsa’s grin as her hand drifted down to pet Anna’s back.

“You know, I was wondering when we’d have a sleepover again,” she commented. “I worried you may think we’re too old for them.”

Anna’s head shot up from her blanket cocoon.

“What? You’re never too old for sleepovers!” She declared, at the outrageous claim. That got a laugh out of Elsa, and it was so beautiful and graceful, knowing she’d caused it made Anna’s heart soar.

“Then come here.” She laid down again, and Anna’s stomach flipped when she reached a hand across the bed and over her body. Eyes wide, brain dead, she could barely process what was going on until Elsa asked: “Do you want me to turn off the light?”

Oh. Oh, right. Yeah. The light.

Anna nodded. The whole goal was to fall asleep, after all. She, uh, she’d be fine without the light.

The lights went out with a click. 

Elsa settled in bed. 

Anna exhaled. 

Without any sound other than Elsa’s breathing, the swoosh of the leaves and the whistling of the wind felt louder. There were more trees on Elsa’s side. No shit they were louder. Their branches swatted and scratched the poor tortured window.

The thunder was getting closer.

It echoed louder every time. Closer every time. And it sounded more angry and violent than before. Anna’s heart found solace in Elsa’s closeness but it still wasn’t enough. 

Elsa seemed unaware of Anna’s growing restlessness. She needed a bit more.

“Elsa?” She whispered. Her sister hummed in response— a question. Anna could hear herself say the words in her mind but they sounded so pathetic and obvious she couldn’t bring herself to pronounce them— sisters didn’t say these things—, so instead, she just scooched closer, still hugging the plushie close as a barrier between her and Elsa, and an excuse to not wrap her arms around her. She timidly tucked her head under her chin.

Shame hit her right away— she was taking advantage of her sister’s ignorance. If she knew the truth, she’d never let her so close. Your family was meant to be your safe place. A refuge where you weren’t seen as a meal or an object of desire. Was this not the greatest form of betrayal? When you sought your family for safety and comfort, and they crossed the ultimate line by… by…

Elsa sighed and wrapped her arms around Anna, pulling her close. One of her hands delicately tangled into her hair.

For a moment, there was silence. And warmth. An unbreakable sense of love and security. All Anna could hear was Elsa’s beating heart and her breathing. Then, a kiss on the top of her hair.

“It’s okay, Anna,” she murmured. Anna blinked. Then blinked again. She opened her mouth to speak but couldn’t say a word. Elsa squeezed her tighter. “I got you,”

Anna’s eyes brimmed with tears. She held her breath and covered her mouth. It wasn’t true. It wasn’t right. Elsa didn’t know and she couldn’t know. It would hurt her so much, and all Anna wanted was to see her happy. And saying it out loud would mean it was true. That she could no longer hide from it. She had truly turned into something unredeemable. 

She thought of that photo of them, when they were little. 

When had that changed? When had she changed?

She shouldn’t be so close to her. This had been a huge mistake.

She sniffled.

“I’m sorry.”

She barely heard herself over the sound of rushing blood in her ears.

Elsa stiffened.

“For what?”

She sounded curious and worried at the same time, and Anna really should have shut her mouth, really shouldn’t have said anything at all. She was a hypocrite. She knew bringing this up was a horrible thing to do. 

“Is it because you came looking for me?” Elsa asked. Now Anna had to give her answers. Any kind of answer. She shouldn’t. She shouldn’t tell anything to anyone. This was her burden to carry and forcing someone else beneath it was cruel. 

She nodded. Elsa’s hand kneaded her shoulder.

“You don’t have to be sorry for that.”

Anna shrugged her shoulders up to her ears. She was a hypocrite. A hypocrite. She remembered that time on a week-long school trip when, texting Elsa late into the night, she’d asked her if he was okay. Was she okay? Realization of her feelings had hit right as she was leaving and it now plagued her every thought like a leech latched onto her heart. She couldn’t tear them out. The trip was supposed to be fun but all she could do was roll her thoughts over in her head, disseminating them like frogs, desperately trying to find proof that she was still herself, that she wasn’t changing, that she could have these feelings for someone else, that he could have a future. And then Elsa sent her a text— “I miss you”— and Anna couldn’t keep her hands to herself. She shouldn’t have replied at all. But they talked and talked and talked until Elsa noticed something was off and asked about it and Anna wrote “I’m just scared because I feel something I shouldn’t and I always thought I was good and clean and safe to be around but I’m scared I may be sick and gross and I don’t know what to do I think I may die if this is true and I don’t want anyone to know and I’m so sorry I’m scaring you with this I shouldn’t be telling you this at all and I feel like a hypocrite telling you all of this—.”

She’d deleted the whole wall of text.

“I’m just a bit sleepy.”

Then she tried to go to sleep. 

It should have been enough, shouldn’t it? Putting her thoughts into words helped her down the panic spike. Coming back home wasn’t as torturous as she’d feared. Seeing her sister wasn’t paralyzing or incapacitating. They could still play Mario Kart and watch bad Netflix originals together and sometimes, she could convince herself she’d been scared for nothing. The intensity dissipated. She felt safe again.

Then the panic came back. 

Lightning flashed again and her whole body tensed up, as if struck herself. Elsa’s hand rubbed circles on her back. 

“Anna,” she said. “Are you sure that’s all?”

Anna’s breath hitched. 

“I-I…”

She couldn’t.

Elsa wouldn’t force her. She knew that. Anna only had to say she didn’t want to talk about it, and she’d drop it. She had the power here. 

Yet her jaw was stuck open.

She heard thunder again. She’d come into Elsa’s bed in her own volition. She didn’t feel scared of thunder in her arms.

She could drop it. She could let the panic spike pass, but it would always come back, until she left forever (hopefully), until Elsa was nothing but a painful distant memory, but that wouldn’t make any of them any happier. A gaping wound left untreated. 

No! No! She couldn’t tell her the truth! She couldn’t admit to being the kind of person who shows up in the news for others to morbidly gawk at, the kind of people who hurt their own flesh and blood, who hurt the people who trusted them the most. Her sister would try her damn hardest but she’d never be able to look at her in the same way. She wasn’t just ill. She was becoming part of the illness itself. It defined her whether she liked it or not. 

She’d never tell anyone. But if she never told anyone, she feared the illness would never heal. That the panic would never go away for good. Oh, it would be so much easier if Elsa forced her to confess, if she had no choice at all. She wanted her to knock down her door, insist until Anna had nowhere to escape and then embrace her and promise she’d love her forever, regardless of what Anna changed into. 

But Elsa didn’t insist after her original question. She waited silently for Anna to speak.

And someday, she’d stop asking, because she knew Anna wouldn’t reply.

One day, she’d stop knocking on her door and wait for Anna to come looking for her instead.

One day, she may even believe Anna was alright, and withdraw her offer of support. Then what kind of terrifying things would Anna have to do to feel her arms around her again?

Was that what she wanted?

Yes.

No.

No. 

One of her hands released the plushie and gripped Elsa’s nightgown.

“I need to tell you something,” she choked out.

Elsa’s hand on her back stopped.

“I’m here,” she reassured her, and Anna nearly sobbed.

She inhaled very deeply.

“I had a talk with this boy at school today, and I’ve been thinking about it all day.” She screwed her eyes shut. “I think there’s something wrong with me. F-for some time. I feel things that aren’t like me. Like… Like they’re things someone else would feel. And what does that say about me!?”

“I’m… sorry, I don’t think I understand,” Elsa said.

“Right,” Anna sniffled. “I’m sorry. I know this is coming out of nowhere and…”

“No, no, no!” Elsa quickly sat up and turned on the bedside lamp. “I want to hear you. What do you need?”

Anna’s heart swelled with love. How could she so easily capture her affections all over again?

She sat up with her. Their legs dangled down the bed. Elsa had some very pretty legs.

“I…” her heart pounded so quickly. “I feel things that are… wrong. And I don’t know how I could have these feelings! I really don’t want them. I want…” She wanted to be good. At school, at home, with her friends, she wanted to be the funny one. The cute one. The kind one. This huge stain in her heart changed that. It made her feel like a liar. “I feel like I’m not… me. Like this is so wrong I-I’m gonna disappear.”

Elsa breathed, slowly.

“It feels like a loss of identity,” she concluded. 

Anna nodded. A complete loss of the self. 

“Exactly,” she exhaled. Then she gulped. Her heart punished her ribs and it hurt but it had been easier than she thought.

A huge weight was lifted off her shoulders.

Elsa frowned, and looked Anna in the eye.

“Anna… listen. Whatever it is that you’re feeling, you’re still you.”

Her gaze was piercing and hard and protective and Anna could feel her throat go dry.

“But…”

“No. I want you to listen.” Elsa grasped her hands, and only then seemed to notice the plushie Anna had brought along. She smiled at it. “Do you remember why I got you this?”

“Because you were making fun of me?”

“Only slightly. I saw it in a store and remembered how excited you were about learning korean for your boy bands.”

“Their music is good! People are just mean.”

Elsa chuckled. They’d gone over it a million times already.

“I remember how you went over twelve different instruments in elementary school, until you discovered you preferred singing. I wish you would sing to me someday.”

Anna’s face burned. 

“That would be very embarrassing.”

“I think you would be lovely.”

She had to duck her head and avoid Elsa’s gaze this time.

“You always liked arts and crafts, too. But you want to study social sciences in college. You always loved history, too. I still have that book about brave women of history somewhere. You had me read Joan D’Arc’s story out loud before you could read on your own. That one was always your favorite. You also kept a spider as a pet below your bed for a month because you said spiders deserved love, too, and you have maps hanging on your room because you want to travel the world, and you’re still deciding where to go on your gap year.” Elsa brushed her cheek with the back of her knuckles. Her stomach twisted and leaped. It was vertiginous. “You’re so much more than what you think you may feel, and I don’t think you’ve changed at all.” She tucked her hair behind her ear— “You’re so beautiful, Anna—,” and took a deep breath. “It’s why I fell in love with you.”

Anna blinked. Then frowned. Her mouth opened and closed. She looked at Elsa looking for a hint that she may be kidding but she looked so serious and shy and hopeful— but she was into acting after all, wasn’t she?

Anna coughed. 

“Thank you.”

Elsa gave her a confused look.

“For what?”

“For trying to make me feel better”

Her frown deepened.

“You think I’m lying to you?”

Crap.

“Wait, what? That's… wait, that’s not what I meant.”

“I’m trying to be honest with you!”

Anna shook her head.

“But… but…” 

Elsa watched her, waiting. She was so elegant and regal and beautiful and human. 

“But you’re so perfect!”

Elsa averted her gaze.

“I’d doubt that,” she said. Her chest heaved. “I’m… Anna, I’m telling you this because… hold on, I’m understanding this correctly, right?” Fear crossed her eyes. “You feel the same way?”

Anna’s brain whirred like a train out of rail.

“Y-you mean…?”

Elsa nodded.

She gulped. Her stomach sank with shame. She covered her face.

“I didn’t want you to find out.”

“No, no, I’m…” Elsa vacillated. She was just as lost. “I’m glad you told me.”

…Okay, alright, alright. Anna needed to take a deep breath. And drink some water.

“I’m gonna get some water,” she said.

It took her like half an hour to find a bottle (one she wisely spent internally freaking out, because her sister felt the same way hersisterfeltthesamewayhersisterfeltthesameway), and when she returned, Elsa was right where she left her, sitting on her bed, staring at the periodic table on her wall and quietly reciting each element to calm herself down.

She had no business being so adorable.

“…So, you feel the same way?” Elsa asked a few moments later, after they both exchanged the bottle a few times.

“Yeah,” Anna replied. It felt thrilling and terrifying and liberating to say it out loud. “And you’re not…?”

“I’m not lying to make you feel better,” Elsa promised, leaning in and smiling at her. “I-I truly can’t believe it.”

Anna choked on her water, like a genius hersisterfeltthesameway—

“I can’t believe it either.”

She nearly jumped out of her skin when Elsa’s hand fell on hers, and it took her a second to realize this was permission— an invitation— her sister felt the same way— and she was allowed to squeeze back. 

“W-what does this mean?” She asked. “I mean… what now?”

“It doesn’t mean we need to be in a relationship,” Elsa stated. The mere mention of a relationship nearly gave Anna a heart attack (the good kind). “We should… We should think things through. Take our time.” She glanced at the curtains. “It’s late. We can talk in the morning.”

“Y-yeah. You’re right.”

Neither of them moved. 

Then, Elsa’s thumb trailed over Anna’s cheekbone, shily brushed over her chin. Warmth spread across Anna’s stomach and heart, and under Elsa’s loving, approving gaze, for once she felt like herself.

Her sister felt the same way.

“Can I kiss you?”

It was an unexpected surge of courage— she must be high on it. The words felt like dipping below the waves, like the vertigo of looking over the railing and watching the water fall.

Elsa smiled, shyly, nervously, and with a hooked finger guided Anna forward.

She’d never touched something so soft, so kind and gentle. She’d never felt so safe and loved. 

“You’re still you.”

Still me.

She tightened her grip on Elsa’s hand. 

The kiss was chaste. They pulled away. Hearts racing. So quickly. So loudly. They couldn’t even hear the rain.

Elsa beamed.

“Come on.” She tugged at her hand. “Let’s go to sleep.”

Perhaps it was raining outside. Anna couldn’t hear it. She could only hear Elsa’s rapid happy heart against her ear. Her eyes misted over but for an entirely new reason. She squeezed her sister’s waist.

“I love you, Elsa.”

She could almost hear Elsa’s heart picking up speed.

“I love you too.”

[rainsongmp3]

it’s a cold and it’s a broken

Dean screws up. Cas reacts. This is the aftermath. here on ao3

The call ends. Dean feels hollow. He sits in silence until the tear tracks dry on his face. He can hear the blood pounding in his ears and the crushing quiet of the house. He knew. He knew. He knew this would happen. He would fuck up and Cas would leave. But this is what does them in? Drugs and a lie? No. That’s not it. The drugs and the lies are symptoms, not the problem. Dean is the problem. God, he knew. He’s too broken and messy and fucked up for Cas and he knew. 

Dean can’t stay here. He can’t stay in his quiet and his misery. Suddenly, it’s all too much. Jo is upstairs. Yes, Jo is upstairs. That’s good. Jo is here. He can talk to Jo. He goes upstairs and opens the door to the bedroom they’re sharing. Jo is asleep. Of course, Jo is asleep. Dean realizes that he can’t wake her up. He can’t wake her up and talk about his bullshit feelings and his bullshit heartbreak. He can’t wake her up and be a burden. Dean goes back downstairs.

Dean looks at Ellen asleep on the couch. She must’ve fallen asleep watching TV. Bobby is upstairs in their bed. Dean is struck with the thought that she has someone waiting for her. So does Jo. Everyone has someone waiting for them. Except for Dean. It’s too much. It’s all too much. Cas is gone and it’s too much. It’s all too much like a gunshot to the heart. Dean’s fingers close around a bottle of tequila in the liquor cabinet before he notices that’s where he was going. This is good. Tequila is good for being drunk. Tequila is good for turning it off. It’s all too much and Dean needs to turn it off. 

Dean unscrews the cap, squeezes his eyes shut, brings the bottle to his lips, and drinks. And drinks. And drinks. And drinks some more. The tequila burns its way down his throat. Good. Good that it burns. Dean drinks again. 

All at once, the house is stifling; stiflingly quiet, stiflingly small, stifling. 

Strange how a house with its high ceilings and large windows can become a prison cell. A house that was once a comfort, filled with friends and family, good memories, and calming ocean air now feels akin to a metal box. Confining. Dark. Air-tight. 

Dean runs.

He runs out the door. The bottle of tequila securely in his fist. No shoes, no jacket, no thought. He just goes.

Outside in the night air, everything seems just a little less. It’s less heartbreaking, less gut-wrenching, less impossible out here. Dean breathes. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Dean breathes maybe for the first time since Cas ended the call. 

The gravel driveway bites at Dean’s feet. The tequila bites at his throat. Cas bites at his heart. It’s okay. Dean deserves to be bitten. 

Waves crash, beating against the sea wall. They crash against the rock. White foam against unforgiving gray. Somehow, the foam wins. It smooths out the rocks’ sharp edges. How can something so soft cut down granite? 

It doesn’t stop. The heartbreak doesn’t stop in the night air. Dean walks down the road. He turns at the space in between houses where man meets the sea. His steps are shakier now. With alcohol burning through his bloodstream, every nerve is numbed. His body doesn’t respond the same to his brain. It’s quieter that way even if Dean’s steps are louder. He climbs the sea wall using the grooves and spaces in the stones like rungs on a ladder. It’s awkward. He’s drunk and clumsy and one of his hands is occupied. He misses steps. He slips a couple of inches down the flat surface. His foot falls out of its hold. He can’t quite get the angle to pull himself up with the alcohol in hand. It’s almost pathetic, but he makes it to the top. Fifteen feet above ground seems a lot higher to a dizzy Dean. Nearly losing his balance in the process, he sits down. 

The moon stares at him accusingly from above. Its choppy reflection in the ocean below blames him. I’m sorry, he almost wants to say. What good would it do to apologize to the moon? It’s Cas he needs to apologize to. Apologize until Cas will love him again. Scream I’m sorry until he’s blue in the face and falls to his knees at Cas’s feet. Weep there, on his knees, until Cas understands. Beg and sob and grovel until Cas takes him back. Because at the end of all of this, Dean is nothing without Cas. Dean is nothing. Cas is everything. Cas is everything good. Cas is everything light. Cas is everything happy. Cas is everything safe. Cas is everything that makes life worth living. Oh, how Dean loves him. Dean loves him so fiercely it hurts. He remembers those moments, those gentle moments, lying in bed together smiling softly and how in those moments his heart cracks open. It spills light into the lingering shadows of Cas’s room. It leeches love into the very atoms of the earth. Cas leeches him. Bloodletting in the most enticing way. How could Dean not bleed when Cas’s deep stare pulls at his soul and his smile soothes cracks? How can something so soft cut down granite? Dean sighs, pulling oxygen back into his bones, and lets it go again. He doesn’t deserve Cas. He never did. This is far from the first time he’s screwed up. He’s not built for this kind of thing— a loving, committed relationship. No wonder Cas gave up on him. Dean tries. He tries. It’s not enough. How could he ever be enough for Cas? He wasn’t enough for his dad. He wasn’t even enough for his own father. He’s never enough to make someone stay. His mom: dead. His dad: absent. His brother: preoccupied. Bobby: distracted. Ellen: disappointed. His old friends: left. All he really has is Jo now. Everybody leaves, huh?

Oh.

Everybody leaves.

Everybody leaves. He really thought Cas was going to disprove that. The exception. His stupid, dumbass exception. His exception with too-blue eyes. His exception with a gummy smile. His exception that knows too much about astrophysics to be a normal guy. (Not that he wants a normal guy. He wants Cas.) His exception who’s overly enthusiastic about bees. His exception that’s grumpy in the mornings. (Cas is garbage before 11 AM and without two cups of coffee.) His exception that indulges Dean’s stupid whims. His exception. His perfect, unfathomable exception. As it turns out, Dean was wrong. Cas is not his exception. Cas is Dean’s most grievous mistake. Not a mistake for having loved him. (No, never that. Never that.) His mistake for pushing him to this. The sight of Cas’s tear-stained face twisted in heartbreak and Sisyphean hope is an image Dean can never unburn from his memory. That would be his own rock to endlessly push up a hill. Cas’s was trying to love Dean. What did Cas do in a previous life to deserve that kind of endless torture?

Dean wishes he could sit Cas down in a coffee shop or maybe on a park bench and just explain. He’d tried, but mostly he just pleaded. Not with words. Or maybe not the right ones. Cas don’t do this isn’t the same as Cas please don’t go Cas please stay Cas please don’t leave me. Dean could explain. He could explain it all. He could tell Cas how he’s so beyond damaged. His dad might love him but it’s so buried underneath alcoholism and orders and grief that it never quite penetrates his skin. His father’s love isn’t even skin deep. It never made its way into Dean’s bloodstream. No matter how hard he tries, Dean can’t quite imagine his father telling him he’s proud of him. Not in the way fathers are supposed to. Everything always has to come second to Sam. ever since the fire, ever since take care of your brother, Dean, Sam has been his wampeter. His whole purpose. His God-given central theme. That’s so much weight to a four-year-old. A preschooler can’t do the job of Atlas. Dean can sometimes hardly stand the weight of it on his shoulders now. There is so much anger in him. It’s coiled tight: a viper ready to strike or a match a second from igniting. There is poison in Dean’s punch. It’s only a matter of time before Dean’s fist is aimed at Cas. Dean was raised with exchanging blows. What is love if not a deep, lingering bruise? It’s the kind that aches for days but you can’t help but prod at. The last thing Dean wants to do is hurt Cas. He never wants to lash out with his hands. It’s all he knows. What if he can’t keep the bubbling, boiling, lava-hot rage at bay? Dean’s lost so much, so many people. It used to keep him awake at night: the gnawing anxiety that he would lose Cas too. The fear of Cas burning sat so heavy in Dean’s bone marrow. The fear of aiming his own blaze at Cas turned every cell in his body to ice. Ice-nine. One touch and everything in him is killing blue-white frost. In those moments, Dean is scared to even lay a finger on Cas lest the blue-white frost gets him too. Dean is made of loss and violence and white-knuckling. The fear of exposing that side of him to Cas… that used to bring bile into his throat. So, Dean kept Cas at arm’s length. Even while they were chest to chest, Dean kept him at arm’s length. Keep Cas at a distance and save him from the snapping jaws waiting to tear at his flesh. Lie about the drinking. Lie about the drugs. Lie about the self-destructive timebomb. Lie about it to keep Cas safe. 

But now. Everything is different. Dean would pour out everything in him to Cas. Take his heart and tip; let his artery drip every nasty thought into a cup and give Cas the option to drink. He would do anything, give anything to just be able to hold Cas in his arms again. He would swim oceans and bottle clouds to kiss Cas again. He would scorch the Earth to just have Cas look at him with love again. 

Dean glances at the bottle still bound to his palm. More than halfway gone. Not a good way to get Cas back. Dean stares at the crashing waves. He watches them hit the stone and the sand. He watches the water caress the earth. 

Dean stands on wobbly legs. Drunk legs are sea legs. He lets his drunk legs take him to the sea. Getting down the wall is less awkward than getting up it. All he has to do is sit and let gravity do the work. He controls the semi-slide down. Sealegs meet the sand. It’s damp. Dean wiggles his toes into it. He makes his way into the water. It’s cold, but not an unforgiving cold. It’s the placating cold of a snow day. He sloshes through the surf. His foot slips on a hidden rock and the world tilts even more as he goes down. His arms go out in front of him to break his fall on instinct. The bottle of tequila hits another obscured rock. It shatters. Dean raised the broken bottle by the neck. The bottom half is gone. It’s almost comical. He holds it the same as he did before but he’s only got a piece now. The ocean took the remaining tequila. He chucks the rest of the bottle as hard as he can to the rocks far to his left. Maybe he’ll make some sea glass. 

Dean wades further into the water. The tide pulls at his hips. He lets it sway him. Everything feels cleaner in the ocean. Saltwater is good for open wounds. The ocean disinfects him. The waves pull the poison out of his blood. He is cleaner now.

Seven days later, Cas calls. 

[tactyl-ymon]

DnD session recap - Storms and Sadness

Another 2 sessions in one recap in what continues to be my Clerics no good week from hell. Whole lot of emotions in this one, so fairly warned be ye. There’s two links to additional in game notes and things for some context to help flesh out stuff. 

We started out hurtling down a mountain in our carriage under a heavy unnatural storm, being pursued by many demons and one of the horses snaps it's leg and the carriage tips. Eridol gets thrown into a tree and spends the next several hours heavily injured. Veiraen cuts off 3 of his fingers trying to butcher the horse for food. We manage to right the carriage and just before setting off Eridol gets the idea to leave a distraction behind by stuffing his old chain mail with a sack of rice and casting light on it which is just enough to distract the literal horde of flying demons long enough for them to make it to Eridols home town and the contingent of guards waiting along with Eridol’s mum... and his fiancé, Sutha ... and his clerical mentor, Bradul Septima sees Sutha first with his 2000 passive perception and recognises her both because Eridol just talked about her and because Eridol subconsciously uses her image as a spiritual guardian. He and Whisky start yelling "Oh you’re Sutha, Eridols fiance. He's over here. He's right here on the carriage" Sutha comes over to the still very hurt and exhausted Eridol and picks him up in a big crushing hug before asking how he could just leave like that, 4 years without a word and then show up out of the blue with these strangers going on about demons. Eridol apologises but says that this isn't the time to talk about this ... Which goes about as well as you could expect and Sutha throws him down and walks off. Eridol and his mentor briefly talk about how him coming back means things will need to be answered for and that the military will come looking for him and that he can't keep running which Eridol kind of flatly mentions he knows and that's part of why he's here. Everyone gets to meet Eridols parents which goes awfully because literally nobody in the group knows how to talk to people. Veiraen immediately introduces himself as his dad, Whisky grabs photo albums and starts giggling at baby photos and Septima goes all snitchbot and tells everyone about all the things that have happened to Eridol the past year. This commotion gets Eridols dads attention and he comes down and is immediately hard core racist towards Veiraen which Eridol is having none of and threatens to throw him through a window if he starts shit again. Big "I'm gay and stronger than you" energy from the boy. Eridol goes to sit outside to try and collect his thoughts and after a bit Septima comes out and silently sits next to him in the pouring rain. Then the demons show back up, perched on top of the carriage and screech some guttural thing that everyone in 120ft hears in their mind Having been seen the demon flies away and Septima has the idea of asking Eridol who else does he care about that might be taken to get to him and he says just Sutha. Septima animorphs into a direwolf to try and find her scent and is led upstairs to Eridols old room that she was apparently staying in but gosh darn it the door is locked. Guess how long it stays that way with Veiraen around? After a mild amount of breaking and entering, Septima picks up her scent again and takes off with Whisky to try and bodyguard Sutha. Veiraen takes a look around the newly available room and instantly zeros in on the old yellowed note that Eridol left Sutha before he ran away, a note that she had read every day to try and understand and like a bastard, Veiraen read it to himself and then just put it back so nobody would know Septima and Whisky track down Sutha in a bar several blocks away and they bond over how Eridol runs away from things and Septima pipes up saying that since he's known Eridol he hasn't run away from things and has been trying to make the world a better place and then the absolute worst thing happens. Sutha quietly asks them if Eridol came back for her, Septima being unable to read a situation says "No, he brought us here to try and find information from the religious archives" and Whisky says "would you really want him to come back for you?" So Sutha gets up to leave the bar and very clearly says for them not to follow her. They follow her. Sutha gets ready to shoot them with her crossbow and says again not to take another step towards her, she just needs time to process things. Septima takes a step towards her as Whisky is asking that they just want to make sure the people Eridol cares about are safe. Crossbow goes off and because Sutha is a military trained artillerist, the resulting explosion leaves an earth shattering kaboom in the night air. The lingering smoke parts and the crumpled unconscious bodies of Septima and Whisky barely cling to life in the city’s newest pot hole. Eridol and Sutha have a very emotional conversation over all the things he's done wrong, all the things he's trying to do better, how he had to learn how to be a person again and that he always loved her but understands why she would hate him and even if it were just for a few days he wanted her to stay here, so she could at least be safe, he'll stay away if that's what she wanted and then he tries to give her back their wedding ring and says that there is too much happening at the moment but that Eridol genuinely hoped that they could have another chance after all this was finished. Sutha stares down at the tiny man bearing his soul and it just isn't enough and Sutha says to keep it and leaves the house in a rush. In the hastily emptied room Eridol finds an old blueprint of his that she had scribbled on years ago, saying how much she loved his mind. Then morning comes and Eridol tries something. He casts detect magic on himself to try and figure out how those demons were able to track them and the brand on his side lights up like Christmas. Shades of divination, necromancy, abjuration and something else Eridol can't recognise. With that confirmed, Eridol tries something else much stupider in hindsight. He casts dispel magic on the brand. Immediate agony and the boy is unconscious Everyone hears the scream and the distinct sound of a tiny gnome falling down and runs upstairs to find Eridol white as a sheet but still breathing and the brand on his side changed from an open hand to looking curled in like it was grasping something Eridols mentor dumps a massive heal into him and Eridol tells them about what he was trying to do. Septima asks Eridol if it would be alright to try again and with a shaky nod Eridol casts death ward on himself and they try again. Septima calls on his connection to the green to help strengthen their cause and it is not enough and they all hear a very distinctly not Eridol sounding voice come out of the tiny man "By my will, you do my bidding" The brand itself twisting on Eridols side to reach out and grab Septimas arm, black goo numbly racing up past Septimas elbow before shuddering to a halt, his own will just enough to beat the influence and stop a second mark of bane appearing. The group knew about soul bound curses beforehand but one straight from a god sure is something else Stabilised and conscious Eridol asks if they not do that again for a bit and the group discusses options. Obviously this whole demon cult needs to die no matter what Eridol says about greater evils and priorities but they would like to wait a day so Eridol can get his strength back. Eridol does not like this idea, reasoning that the demons already know where they are and the quicker they can make it to the religious city the safer everyone will be while they do research into things. The group wants Eridols parents to come, but the boy knows they won't, his mother has too much work left to do and his dad is way too racist to survive the journey sitting next to Veiraen but ultimately it's their choice. His mother comes in and basically says how he is incapable of letting them through the walls around his heart and they won't go with him

While Eridol lays in bed dealing with the fallout of the last several minutes he begins writing a letter, about an hour later, everyone experiences the telltale sound of of wood and metal tearing itself apart from out in the harbour as an impossibly familiar ship appears from a rip in space, followed by a tidal wave and several finned monstrosities. The ship and all of it’s crew, including the recently departed rogue Emmi and her mother, Sharona, collide with the nearly empty dock. In the minutes it takes everyone to run down to the docks, the ship is heavily damaged by a duo of hydras that had followed them through an arcane gate.

The battle is fierce and several sailors are lost before the hydra fall, discussions are had about how the hell Emmi and her mother are here as they left on a boat half the world away like a week ago. Emmi points to a keystone her father had found ages before he disappeared that since being reconnected to the prime material plane allowed them to shift to the elemental plane of water but it had also brought this continent spanning storm with them that had been causing issues since they had left. They’ll be out of the way once the ship gets repaired and take their surviving crew to a nearby tavern to drink their sorrows and remaining brain cells away. The group makes their way back to Eridols old home, mostly empty as his parents had left to their respective jobs. Everyone piles into the living room and attempts to make themselves comfortable as Eridol trudges back up to his old room he shared with Sutha, stopping outside as he hears the frantic scribbling of quill on parchment. After a tense moment, they share a weak laugh about having the same idea and Eridol brings out the letter he had penned maybe an hour ago. Sutha reads it quietly, never looking at Eridol before collecting the rest of her things and marching downstairs, singling out Veiraen and handing him the letter before quickly hugging the drow and asking that he look after Eridol. The moment ends as abruptly as it began and Sutha leaves for parts unknown, leaving Veiraen holding yet another note from Eridol and he begins reading it. After finishing, he slowly makes his way up the stairs to the quiet bedroom where Eridol is still standing and he kneels down and hugs the cleric and after several seconds, Eridol hugs his friend back and quietly begins crying into his shoulder. 

[fortune-fool02]

It’s Not Fair

Jean Pierre Polnareff x female reader

Requested by: @gonuclear

Warnings: angst, character death

I almost cried writing this so be prepared for heart-ache. Please enjoy.

There was something Polnareff had learned, early in his life, that has always stuck with him. Something that haunted people regardless of where they stood on the social ladder, how much money they had or who they were as people. 

Life often blessed people with their most wonderful dreams but it could also take them away just as easy. And it was always the most angelic, kind-hearted people who suffered. It was a sad, crushing fact that could snuff out any hope that someone had, plunging them into that black, bottomless abyss. 

Life had blessed Polnareff with [Name], someone who he could share his heart with and lean on to cry if he needed to. Her warm smile would chase away any pain he was feeling as she would hold his large form, telling him that everything was going to be okay. That the sun would rise again and bring forth a new day.

That was before Dio had sent one of his minions to steal [Name] away from them. Away from Polnareff and leaving him to feel cold and lost without his candle to guide him. 

***

Darkness crawled around the mansion, flooding the halls like blood in veins, cutting off any traces of sunlight that attempted to slip through the windows. Coldness danced in the air, scraping its claws along their exposed skin as the crusaders made their way inside the God-forsaken place. The place reeked of evil, a dark dampness that lingered in the air. 

The Frenchman, Fortune Teller and dog made their way down one corridor, searching the rooms they passed for their friend. And with each empty room, a growing fear gnawed at Polnareff, his heart longing for his lover. To hold her close and tell her that everything was going to be alright. Just as she had done for him many times. 

As they reached the base of a stair case, Avdol stopped, his eyes scanning the shadows as he sensed something was amiss. Polnareff noticed this and stopped, turning to his friend. 

“What is it, Avdol?” he asked. Avdol’s eyes continued to search, 

“I’m not sure. Something feels... wrong.” was his reply. Polnareff looked around as well, the strange sense crawling along his skin like spiders, making his nerves set alight, ready for a fight.

The only thing on Polnareff’s mind was getting out of this place with his beloved [Name]. Safe and sound. Pure silence hovered in the room, almost uncomfortable to the point where their breathing sounded louder than it was. A shift of movement caught Avdol’s attention as he turned to face the opponent. A flash of light was seen and a blur of shadows, and Avdol’s eyes widened. Polnareff’s and Iggy’s eyes also widening at the scene before them. 

Avdol’s right arm flew through the air, landing on the opposite side of the room. An agonised scream echoed around the room, the Fortune Teller clutching the stump as blood poured from it like a fountain, spraying everywhere and painting the stone red. 

“Avdol!” Another flash of light and the screaming fell silent. Avdol stood there, mouth open to release another scream but only blood came out. He turned to Polnareff, blood spilling from a laceration on his throat, before falling to the floor, motionless. 

Polnareff stood there, frozen at the sight of his friend’s corpse but it was short lived as he caught a glimpse of a flash again. “Chariot!” In a split second, he had been able to block the attack. Metal clashing against metal and scraping awfully, the sheer force of the impact alone sent Polnareff stumbling backwards. 

“You bastard! I’m going to kill you!” the Frenchman shouted, pain in his voice from the death of Avdol, as he shoved his opponent forward. He lashed forward, his opponent blocking each attack with their weapon with inhuman speed. When their blades locked again, Polnareff saw their weapon. A rapier. Pale blue eyes widened at it, recognising the blade immediately. 

No. It can’t be... 

The candle light spilled across his opponent’s face, allowing Polnareff to see the identity of the killer of his friend. Disbelief latched into his heart, sinking its fangs in and draining all hope from him.

“No...no. Not you.” Blood-red eyes glowed in the shadows, eyes that were once a beautiful [Eye colour] shade that radiated life and hope, now barren of such things. Hunger and malice taking their place. [Hair colour] locks framing her face in a wild mess, far from how she always had well-groomed hair. But the thing that hurt the most to see was the fangs that glimmered in her mouth. 

“No, [Name]!” Tears pricked his eyes. No, not his [Name]. Anything but his beloved [Name]! With inhuman strength, she kicked him across the room with little effort, slamming him into the stone wall and sending cracks up it. 

Iggy growled, sand swirling around him as his Stand began to manifest only for the newborn vampire to turn her attention to him. Taking a step forward, her body vanished in the darkness. Polnareff looked up just in time to watch the rapier slice through Iggy’s body, blood spilling onto the floor as she lifted his body off the floor. 

Pain clawed at Polnareff’s body, watching as his beloved pulled Iggy close to her face, glaring icicles into the dying dog’s eyes before throwing him off somewhere, tossing him like a child bored of a toy they were given. What had happened to her? What had happened to the sweet flower of a woman who would never hurt her friends? 

Pushing himself up, Polnareff leaned against the wall to support himself and catch [Name]’s attention. She turned to him, her face void of emotion aside from the malice in her crimson eyes. 

“[Name]...mon amour.” She took a step forward and Polnareff prepared for the incoming attack, their blades clashing again like before though her leg swung up and struck his head.

***

A soft soft slipped her lips as [Name] looked down at the corpse of the enemy they had just battled. This man was once someone’s child. Someone’s friend. And now he was nothing more than a dead body on a sidewalk. How could life be so unforgiving? 

A hand fell on her shoulder, Polnareff standing beside her. “Are you alright, mon amour?” he asked, a comforting look in his pale blue eyes. [Name] nodded, turning to him and giving him a sad smile. 

“I just... I don’t understand what could drive someone to do such awful things.” His head titled a little before he pulled her in close, wrapping his arms around her. An action that always made her feel so safe, as if nothing in the world could harm them. 

“Jean, can you promise me something, please?” Polnareff hummed softly,

“Of course, mon amour. Anything.” [Name] pulled away enough to look at him. Her [Eye colour] eyes swirling with a light that could put stars to shame. 

“If I ever become anything like them... anything like Dio,” she took a breath, “Will you stop me? By any means?” Surprise flashed Polnareff’s face at her request. The mere thought of him harming [Name] made his blood run cold. 

“Mon amour, I could never-” [Name] cut him off. 

“Please. I don’t want to live a life where I have hurt innocents. If something happens and I serve Dio then I want you to stop me. By. Any. Means.” There was a desperate look in her eyes that made his heart clench. He would never harm his beloved but, if this is her wish then he shall fulfil it. 

“I promise you. If you fall under Dio’s control and there’s no way to release you then...” the words were lodged in his throat, not wanting to be spoken but -for her- he forced them out, sealing the promise. “I will kill you.” 

Her lips lifted into that sweet smile he loved so much, her arms wrapping around him again. That promise was something Polnareff had to ensure would never arise. He would protect her at all costs. 

***

Polnareff flew across the room, colliding into the wall again, blood spurting from his mouth from the impact. A pained groan escaping him as he tried to push himself up only for his body to scream in protest. There was no mercy in [Name]’s action. No trace of the woman he had fallen in love with, the woman he had planned a future with. 

The woman he wanted to make his wife once all this hell had ended. Pushing himself up, Polnareff locked eyes with [Name]. A pleading look in his eyes, 

“[Name], please stop.” he begged as she approached him, the rapier scraping along the floor in a taunting manner. 

“I will stop when you are dead, Polnareff.” her words cut through him more than her rapier did. The lack of emotion in her voice told him that there was nothing left of his [Name] in this creature. It just looked like her. 

Slowly, his head rose up. Tears trickled down his cheeks, “I am so sorry, mon amour.” he sobbed. She took a step forward and lunged, in that moment, Chariot materialised and sliced open the window beside Polnareff, spilling the sun’s light into the room and onto [Name]’s outstretched arm, crumbling the limb into nothing but dust. 

An agonised scream ripped from her throat as she clutched her missing limb, Polnareff sobbed at the sound of his [Name]’s screams but he knew he had to do this. Quick and clean. As painless as possible. Jumping to his feet, he rushed over to her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. 

“I love you, so, so much, [Name].” Closing his eyes tightly, Polnareff leaned back, pulling her into the sunlight and feeling her body thrashing violently against his but his grip remained tight yet comforting as if he was calming her from a fitful nightmare. In a matter of seconds, her body was nothing but dust drifting off with the breeze that slipped in, leaving her jacket in his arms. 

Heart-wrenching sobs echoed around the room as Polnareff curled onto his side, cradling the jacket in his arms as if [Name] was still wearing it. Tears falling freely down his face, chest clenching from the pained sobs that raked his body. The image of her smile in his head, smiling up at him. 

“[NNNAAAAMMMMEEEE]! His wails echoed throughout the mansion, the cries of a heart-broken soul who has lost the light that once guided him through the darkness. It wasn’t fair. Why was he the one who lost everything? His mother. His sister. His friends. And now his beloved [Name].

It’s not fair.

[caught-in-a-seesaw-stigma]

Map of the Soul, Chapter Four

For the @btswritingcafe​‘s Map of the Soul: 7 Workshop

Pairings: OT7 x reader (kinda); Taehyung x reader x Jimin

Series Summary: If you give a piece of yourself to everyone you love, at some point, there will be nothing left for yourself. While feeling lost and alone in your adult life, a strange box falls onto your head in your own closet, and you take an unexpected walk down memory lane wondering where everything went wrong.  Was it the romances that fizzled out, the friends & loved ones you left behind, the “what could’ve been” moments, the brush with Fate that never quite connected? Could the strange map you find have the answers you are looking for?  Determined to feel complete once again, you embark on a journey to reclaim the missing pieces of your soul.

Genre: Angst, Fluff, A Lot of Smut

Word Count: 7k+

Warnings: cursing & vulgar language, alcohol consumption, sexual innuendos, mentions of previous sexual encounters, bisexual behavior, fingering, oral sex (m/f receiving & giving), spanking, unprotected/protected sex (rules exist for a reason, be safe), daddy kink, a sliver of degradation, orgasm denial, cream pies, anal play/sex, double penetration

Chapter Four: Just Filter Out the Bad, Keep the Good

Oh, Kookie.

You rolled your eyes and giggled at your phone screen as the bartender finally walked over to you.

“Can I get another Jameson and Ginger?” you shouted over the music. “And another Long Island Iced Tea?”

The bartender nodded in acknowledgement and began making your drinks. It was the third time tonight you’d made your way to the bar, but you couldn’t really complain. You were having so much fun, and Taehyung had the crowd half in love with him with his charming stage presence and his smooth honeyed vocal stylings.

“Thank you,” Taehyung crooned over the microphone. “I’m going to take a little break, but I promise, I’ll be back.”

A round of disappointment resounded through the bar, and you rolled your eyes at the ridiculousness of it all. You caught Taehyung’s eye and he motioned that he was going to go to the bathroom. After a quick thumbs-up, you picked up your drinks and made your way back to your booth to wait for him.

Almost twenty minutes passed and the ice in your drink was clinking against the bottom.

Where the hell is he? Men’s bathrooms don’t take THAT long in bars.

Realizing that this modern bar might actually have gender neutral bathrooms, you decided to go off in search of your soulmate. After making your way past the crowded tables, you rounded the corner and saw there were only a few people waiting in line, none of them Taehyung. You waited a few minutes and the line moved, but none of the individuals exiting the single stall bathrooms were him either. Confused, you started walking back toward the bar.

A throaty groan caught your ear as you walked by a darkened hallway. In the dim red light of the Exit sign at the end of the hall, you made out the distinct shape of Taehyung’s shoulders hovering over a smaller individual against the wall. The two were completely unaware of your approach as they were obviously occupied with other things at the moment.

“Seriously, Tae,” you mused. “Ditching me for a pretty face? That’s a real dick move.”

“Look, sweetheart,” a wispy voice exhaled. “I saw him first, so I’m gonna need you to step off, alright?”

That voice…

You inhaled sharply, staggered back a few inches with your eyes wide, and clutched at the non-existent pearls on your neck.

“Jiminie?” you squeaked out.

The two men ceased their makeout session abruptly, and Taehyung stepped aside to reveal plush lips, bright red hair, and big brown eyes blown out in shock.

“Jagiya?”

March 20th, 11:17 pm

“This next song goes out to my gorgeous soulmate,” Taehyung chirped into the microphone. “I’ve loved her since the moment she fell from Heaven and crushed my head on the playground.”

A round of “awwww”s reverberated across the bar, and you rolled your eyes at Taehyung and blew him a kiss. The music started up again and Taehyung went into full Elvis mode.

“Wise men say only fools rush in, But I can't help falling in love with you…”

“Wow,” Jimin groaned sensually. “Does his voice always sound like liquid sex poured over hot coals?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact,” you quipped. “Taehyung has a very special relationship with the microphone. They’ve been going steady for decades, but he’s always too cowardly to commit.”

“What do you mean, jagi?” Jimin grinned. “Does he not realize how good he is?”

“Oh, he knows,” you corrected him. “He just can’t handle the spotlight very well. In a bar, he’ll get brave, but put him on an actual stage with a real crowd, and he becomes an awkward mess of a man. It’s a mystery.”

“You’re kidding,” Jimin scoffed. “There’s no way that gorgeous hunk of man over there is ever awkward.”

“You’d be surprised,” you chuckled. “I know that man better than he knows himself.”

“I was pretty close to getting to know him myself,” Jimin bragged. “Someone just had to interrupt our steamy little makeout session back there.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Jimin,” you goaded. “Sure, you may have captured his attention, but he’d never really ditch me for another pretty face, including yours.”

“I don’t know, jagiya,” Jimin smirked. “Before you showed up, I already had him asking how far away my place was.”

“That may be so,” you smiled wickedly. “But I guarantee he wouldn’t ditch me. One look and he would be crawling back to me without question.”

You and Jimin stared one another down and your eyes battled it out for dominance. You sighed sweetly and blew a kiss to Taehyung, and he eagerly snatched out of the air and placed it in his lapel pocket. Jimin rolled his eyes at your dual displays of affection and chuckled.

That’s right. No one comes between me and my soulmate.

“So, what brings you back to town, Jiminie?” you giggled, changing the subject. “Let me guess, another frat party?”

“Yes, actually, I’m here for the fraternity’s centennial celebration,” he explained. “We had a whole ceremony and raffle fundraiser last night, and the house party is tonight.”

“I’m surprised you aren’t there now,” you gawked. “The Park Jimin I remember never missed an opportunity for a good frat party.”

Jimin giggled and ran his fingers through his hair, an old habit that always increased his allure. He leaned over and placed his hand on your thigh, provoking a rolling plain of goosebumps across your arms and legs.

“I’m not the same Jimin you remember, jagi,” he murmured while licking his lips. “A lot of things changed since we last saw each other. When was that, by the way?”

A bitter memory triggered in your brain and you gently pushed him away, free from his hypnotic seduction. Confusion traveled across his face and he cocked a questioning look at you, lifting an eyebrow for emphasis.

“It was during grad school,” you reminded him. “The Venetian Masquerade Homecoming party at your frat house?”

Jimin closed his eyes briefly and nodded gravely as the memory hit him as well. There was a tangible shift in his personality, and you knew Jimin was trying to figure out how to proceed.  He was an expert at tailoring his personality to fit the situation, but he seemed at a loss when you reminded him of the troubled past. You both sat there in silence, allowing the details to take shape in your mind once again. Taehyung chose that exact moment to intrude upon your conversation.

“Hey,” he shouted. “Who’s up next?”

Jimin glanced over to Taehyung and gave him a tight smile.

“I guess I am,” Jimin offered. “Any requests?”

“Sing me something sweet,” Taehyung pleaded. “I want my heart to burst with emotion.”

Jimin winked at Taehyung and glanced over to see if you’re looking at him. You were not. As Jimin headed over to the booth to choose a song, Taehyung pulled you close and wrapped his arm around your shoulders.

“What’s going on, ttalgi?” he teased lightly. “I’d know that angsty look of yours anywhere. Are you and Jimin-ssi reliving painful memories from college?”

“Something like that,” you muttered “We didn’t exactly end on good terms the last time.”

“How so?” he recoiled. “Every time you’ve mentioned him in the past, it was always with glowing reviews of his sexual prowess. I’ve never once heard you say one bad thing about him.”

“Tae,” you grimaced. “Have you really never noticed that I stopped talking about Jimin a long time ago? Like almost 6 years now?”

“No,” Taehyung said carefully. “Why? Did he do something to hurt you?”

Taehyung stiffened against you as he shot a glare in Jimin’s direction. You were quick to calm the raging Papa Bear beside you. Taehyung was always quick to defend your honor, but it wasn’t necessary in this case.

“It’s not that simple, babe,” you sighed in defeat, lifting your eyes to stare longingly at Jimin. “We hurt each other...badly.”

“Hello, everyone,” Jimin announced on the microphone. “I’m Jimin, and I’m an asshole. That’s not a lie either. I hurt someone who is very special to me, and I never apologized. Because of that, I lost her and I don’t know if I’ll ever get her back and that sucks. Because I really care about her a lot and I just want us to be friends again because she’s amazing and I miss her. Jagiya, this song is for you.”

A powerful boom pumped through the speakers and Jimin began singing “Before I Cry” by Lady Gaga.

“I can't believe the things you said Right now I wish that you would try Try to stay near me Try to be near me”

“Oh damn, babe,” Taehyung breathed out in a rush. “He broke out A Star is Born? Bold move.”

Your eyes glistened as you concentrated on Jimin’s gaze, which never once wavered from your own. He was singing directly to you, and everyone else in the room just faded away. The delicate lilt of his voice was mesmerizing, and you braced yourself for the chorus, knowing he would be unleashing the full extent of his vocal power on you.

“'Cause I'm gonna cry If you say you don't need me I'm gonna cry if you act like you don't care Promise me, baby, you know I can't fake it Why don't you hold me? Tell me you love me before I cry”

You took note of the gloss covering his eyes after that last big note. He continued to sing, his heart pouring waves of regret and longing over you. His hands reached out for you emphatically as the song progressed and after he hit the last big chorus, he stepped off the stage to sing the last verse. With every step he took, he walked closer and closer to your booth until he was kneeling in front of you and reaching for your hand.

“Have I said what I needed to say? Have you said what you wanted to say? Did you say what you wanted to say? Would you try and stop me before I cry?”

The music stopped and you sucked in a sob before launching yourself into his arms. Jimin stood up and lifted you off the ground in a crushing hug. The room exploded into thunderous applause and they cheered loudly when you pulled back and kissed Jimin on his full lips. He released you and you brushed away the tears trailing down his chubby cheeks. He smiled brightly at you and then remembered he still had the microphone in his hand.

“Oh, thank you,” he laughed in embarrassment. “I guess that worked pretty well, huh? Who’s next?”

Jimin handed off the microphone to the next singer and you pulled him back into the booth with you. Taehyung was leaning on his fists while shooting heart eyes at Jimin who countered with his own half-moon eye smile.

“Jagiya,” Jimin said, turning to face you properly. “I really am sorry for what I did. I never meant to hurt you.”

“It wasn’t only your fault, Minnie,” you responded sweetly. “I said some pretty fucked up things to you that night also. Can you ever forgive me?”

“So, is anyone going to tell me what the fuck is going on?” Taehyung interrupted rudely. “All I seem to understand is that you fucked up, you stopped talking, and now you’re making up. Can someone please fill in the blanks?”

You and Jimin giggled at Taehyung’s flabbergasted expression and decided to take pity on him.

“Jimin and I were supposed to go to a masquerade ball together a while back,” you began. “We even got matching costumes.”

“We were never officially a couple, but people just knew we had a special relationship,” Jimin continued. “But it didn’t stop us from playing the field.”

“However,” you cut him off. “That night, we’d agreed to stick together for once. No one else, just us.”

“Oh shit, I see where this is going,” Taehyung squealed. “Sorry, you were saying?”

“Anyway,” you sighed. “We were doing fine until the jello shots started circulating. You know I can’t resist a good jello shot and neither can Jimin.”

Taehyung nodded enthusiastically, and Jimin pulled you closer to his chest, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“I caught her making out with some hot cheerleader in the kitchen,” Jimin explained. “So I got mad and pulled her away.”

“In my defense,” you countered. “I had just seen you nibbling on that guy’s ear on the patio.”

“You were the one giving that guy a lap dance on the couch,” Jimin shot back.

“Only because you grabbed that girl’s ass on the way to the bathroom,” you spat.

“Yo,” Taehyung cut in. “I get it. You guys are stupid competitive and extremely jealous. Continue the story.”

You and Jimin both laughed at Taehyung’s outburst.

“We ended up having a full on public shouting match in the front yard of the frat house,” you sighed. “Not gonna lie. It got pretty ugly.”

“People thought we were having an actual breakup,” Jimin scoffed. “After we said some pretty nasty things to each other, I got mad and told her to leave the party.”

“He disappeared into the frat house,” you muttered sadly. “The last thing I saw was him pulling some guy and girl into a back room. He flipped me off before he slammed the door in my face.”

“Nothing happened,” he explained. “I just wanted to piss her off. When I left the room a few minutes later, they told me she’d left in tears. I felt like shit about it, but I was still pissed. I got blackout drunk and woke up under the kitchen table in my underwear.”

“Sounds like a good party,” Taehyung giggled. “So what happened after that?”

“I left back home,” Jimin said. “I didn’t apologize because I thought it was her fault.”

“And I didn’t apologize because I thought it was his fault,” you continued. “We haven’t spoken or seen each since then, at least until tonight. We were so fucking stupid. It’s not like we were dating or anything.”

“Yeah, you two should never date,” Taehyung declared. “Look at how horrible you were to each other. That shit would get toxic real quick.”

You and Jimin looked back at one another and he placed a kiss on your forehead. You both sighed and hugged it out once again.

“You’re probably right, Tae-bear,” you admitted. “It just sucks that we weren’t able to fix things back then. I feel like we lost out on so much.”

“I’m willing to do a hard reset if you are, jagi,” Jimin suggested. “I really have missed you. Want to be friends again? We can just erase everything that was bad and just focus on the good stuff and all the fun times we had.”

You rolled the idea over in your mind and then an idea struck you. You promptly scooted him out of the booth, and with a wide smile spreading across your face, you grabbed onto his hands.

“Let’s do our song,” you cheered. “That way it’s really official!”

“Oh, jagiya,” Jimin pouted. “I’m definitely filing that under bad stuff. Besides, you know I can’t perform without the proper attire. There is only one way you’ll get me to sing that song, and I seriously doubt you have what I need.”

“Oh my gods,” you huffed out in bewilderment. “No fucking way.”

“I’m sorry, jagi” he teased. “You know my rule: no sequins, no song.”

You crawled over the table and grabbed your clutch from next to Taehyung. You reached inside and pulled out the gold sequined bow tie and held it up for Jimin to see. He blanched at the sight and the shock on his face was tangible.

“Where the fuck did you find that thing?” Jimin spat. “I thought I burned that in the bonfire!”

“I have no idea,” you grinned triumphantly. “But you owe me a song now, sir. Let’s go, 가자!”

You pulled the bow tie over Jimin’s head and adjusted it. He grimaced and whined as you pulled him over to the booth to fill out the song request. You both grabbed a microphone and you pushed a very reluctant Jimin onto the stage.

“Hello, everyone,” you greeted sweetly. “I brought this adorable gentleman up here for one more song. Wasn’t he just lovely earlier?”

Everyone applauded and Taehyung stood up to whistle and whoop like a crazed fan. You beamed at Jimin who gave you the fakest petty smile he could muster. You leaned up to kiss him on the cheek and he gritted out a faint, but spiteful “I fucking hate you” under his breath. You winked at him cheekily and poked your tongue out in response.

A series of electronic snare drums snapped and synthesizer beats popped out of the speakers and an exuberant “Yeah” and “Woo” filled the air as Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” kicked off.

You and Jimin switched off every other line like a proper duet, and the crowd was eating it up. You alternated little dance moves around each other with cute poses, and you even pulled his arms around you during the chorus, which of course, everyone sang with you.

When the song was done, you both received a standing ovation from the entire bar, and even the bartender applauded enthusiastically. When you finally made your way back to the booth, a waitress showed up with a round of fruity red shots called Washington Red Apples, courtesy of the elated bartender.

“Well,” you cooed at the grumpy Jimin next to you. “That is definitely the best friendship renewal I’ve ever been a part of. Can you even think of a better way to make up than that?”

“I know a better one,” Taehyung remarked with a smirk.

You and Jimin looked up at each other and then at Taehyung. The devilish look on his face transferred onto Jimin’s and then made its way onto your own. You took the shot glass between your fingers and held it out to propose a toast.

“To renewed friendships,” you grinned. “Among other things.”

You all clinked your glasses and downed your shots. It only took a second after for everyone to take action.

“Tae-bear,” you purred. “Close out our tab. Jimin and I will meet you in the car.”

March 21st, 1:07am

The drive back to your apartment was a blur, a steamy blur full of well placed kisses, hot visuals, and a plethora of wandering hands.

After Taehyung pried you off of Jimin’s lap in the back seat, he handed you the keys and ordered you to drive since you were the only one who knew how to get to your apartment. In the meantime, Jimin was pulled onto Taehyung’s lap in the backseat and you were treated to quite a show in your rear view mirror. The moans and groans emanating from the backseat were causing quite a stir in your panties. In fact, the thin material was noticeably sticking to your dripping folds as you parallel parked the car in front of your apartment building.

“Everyone out,” you barked. “Let’s go!”

The two entwined bodies groaned at your command, and refused to move out of the backseat. Beyond aggravated, you leaned in and grabbed onto both heads of hair and pulled back harshly. Both men whined and moaned lightly, but both also knew better than to pull away from your claws. You knew both of their kinks to the letter, and pain was at the top of the list.

That’s right, boys. I’m in charge here.

“I said,” you growled. “Let’s go.”

They quickly exited the vehicle as soon you released them, and all three of you hastily made your way inside of your apartment, promptly locking the door behind you.

The dogs had been walked and fed before you’d left the apartment, so they briefly greeted you at the door, and then huffed out snorts of derision at your choice of nighttime activities.

Jimin got excited when he saw Oberyn and Yeontan, but you and Tae were quick to pull him back into the fold, promising proper introductions later.

Much later.

After a flurry of clothing and shoes tossed from the front entrance to your bedroom floor, you found yourself completely naked and standing at the edge of your bed wedged between two deliciously sweaty naked men who were pressing open mouth kisses all over your body. You could barely differentiate between Taehyung’s playful nibbles and Jimin’s soft suckling against your skin. In perfect synchronization, Taehyung and Jimin latched on to opposing sides of your neck, drawing an impatient moan from your lips.

That’s definitely gonna leave a mark.

Jimin pulled you back slightly and kneeled between you and Taehyung, gripping his hands onto each of your thighs for balance.

“Allow me,” he hummed. “After all, I am a guest in your home.”

With fluid precision, Jimin grasped a hold of Taehyung’s throbbing cock and began stroking it from tip to hilt while simultaneously pulling your swollen clit between his lips. You and Taehyung let out gasping moans in unison while holding onto each other for support.

“Didn’t I tell you the man had talent, Tae?” you hummed. “Ah, Jimin…”

You couldn’t even start your next sentence because Jimin was slipping his tongue into your folds and lapping up every drop of essence collecting between your thighs. Taehyung gaped at the sight while trying not to blow his load over Jimin’s skillful ministrations.

“Holy fuck, babe,” he groaned. “You totally undersold him. He’s like some kind of wicked little sex fairy.”

Jimin giggled against your slippery folds before placing a fat kiss on top of your clit. He sat back on his heels and pursed his glistening lips at Taehyung.

“Sucking dick doesn’t make me a fairy, Taehyung,” he teased. “But I guarantee it will feel magical when I get that fat cock between my lips.”

Switching it up, Jimin plunged two fingers into your hungry hole while licking a long wet stripe up the front of Taehyung’s girthy length. Your eyes locked onto Jimin’s bouncing red hair as he sucked on Taehyung’s dick like a juicy popsicle. Neither his fingers nor his tongue slowed their actions as Jimin turned both of you into hot moaning messes.

“Jimin...ah...baby,” you whimpered. “We need to get horizontal before I fall. My legs are...ah...about to give out.”

Taehyung slid his hand down your side to steady your waist, but found it difficult to concentrate with Jimin’s never-ending onslaught of pleasure. You could see Taehyung’s eyes rolling back in pleasure each time Jimin lowered his head onto his crotch. The erotic sight only spurred your arousal forward, leaking all over Jimin’s fingers as he artfully fingered you.

“Tae,” you whispered. “I can’t...ah...I can’t hold...ah…”

You couldn’t even form coherent sentences at that point because not only was Jimin curling and dragging his fingers along your G-spot, he was also brushing against your clit with every stroke. It was heavenly, but also sent you tumbling forward into oblivion without anything to hold you up.

Taehyung took mercy on you and grabbed a hold of Jimin’s scarlet locks. After pulling Jimin’s mouth further down his length a few times, he pulled his wicked little sex fairy off his dick and to his feet.

“My soulmate needs a bed,” Taehyung gritted out. “Now.”

“Flattering,” Jimin chirped while licking his lips. “But we’ve only just met, Taehyung. Don’t you think soulmate is a bit much?”

Taehyung seized Jimin’s head and devoured his lips, while still holding you up. After a clash of teeth and tongue, Taehyung pulled Jimin’s bottom lip between his teeth and bit down harshly. Jimin’s aching whimper drew your attention, but you struggled to focus on anything with Jimin’s fingers pumping into you.

“I wasn’t talking about you, Jimin,” Taehyung growled. “I was talking about her.”

Jimin offered Taehyung a mischievous smirk and nodded coyly. He motioned for Taehyung to get behind you as he focused all of his attention and energy on you. They eased you onto the bed keeping you on your knees, and your legs were happy to oblige the shift in balance. Jimin pulled you closer and licked his way into your mouth and you began attacking his lips with your own. He swallowed each whine and moan as his fingers began to pick up speed.

Taehyung took this opportunity to kneel behind you and run his hands over the globes of your ass, relishing the plumpness in the dim lamplight.

“How does your ass always look this perfect, ttalgi?” he mused. “It’s extraordinary, and totally unfair.”

He reared his palm back and brought it down firmly against one cheek and then the other. With each spank, you cried out wantonly, much to the delight of both men.

“She loves it when you spank her,” Jimin chuckled. “This vixen loves pain.”

“I know,” Taehyung shot back after delivering yet another smack to your ass. “She’s my soulmate. It’s my job to know these things.”

“Oh yeah?” Jimin quipped. “You think you know more than I do? I’ve probably made her cum more times than you have.”

“It’s not about quantity, Jiminie,” Taehyung bragged. “It’s about quality.”

Taehyung punctuated his statement with one last slap across your reddening cheek and then leaned against your back. He cupped both of your breasts and began pulling at alternating nipples, loving the throaty moans you emitted with each tug. You started rubbing your ass against his hardened length, and Jimin chased after your creamy center, determined to regain your attention.

“She needs multiple stimuli,” Taehyung explained while leaning forward to pull your earlobe between his teeth. “She’s a dirty girl who wants everyone to touch her, to feel her, to own her, isn’t that right, ttalgi?”

Your moans were reaching a fever pitch, and Taehyung knew what you needed to hear to reach the apex of your climax.

“Come on, baby,” he purred against the shell of your ear. “Be a good girl and let Daddy hear you scream.”

The knot of pleasure in your core tightened sharply and snapped. You cried out as the orgasm quaked across your body in a frenzy, the sensations more pronounced in the areas where you were being touched. Your nipples tingled, your clit pulsed, and your ears were ringing.

You collapsed back against Taehyung’s chest and let out a blissful sigh of satisfaction. You opened your eyes when you heard a wet noise near your face and got an eyeful of Taehyung licking your essence from Jimin’s fingers.

“Mmmm delicious as always, babe,” Taehyung swooned. “You have no idea how good you taste, do you?”

“How good?” you giggled.

“Exquisite,” Jimin hummed after licking the remnants from Taehyung’s lips. “I seriously missed that flavor on my tongue, jagiya. It’s only gotten better with age.”

“Right?” Taehyung expressed with a boxy grin. “I was going to say that too!”

The two of them high-fived and you groaned at their childish behavior.

“If you two assholes are just going to sit there and call me old while high-fiving, I’m so fucking done,” you spat. “I got mine already.”

You tried to move away from them, but they both moved swiftly to pull you back into their arms with a whine.

“Where do you think you’re going, dirty girl?” Taehyung teased while grinding his still hard cock against your ass. “You aren’t done until we say you are.”

“And we are far from done, jagi” Jimin promised. “How about we change things up a bit?”

They laid you back on the mattress and you stretched out your limbs, trying to shake the tension out of your muscles. Taehyung reached into your side table to pull out the box of condoms he knew you had. Jimin pressed his body against yours, trailing his fingertips from your neck down to your hip. You both looked up at Taehyung when he cleared his throat.

“Ok, ttalgi,” he began. “Are we sticking to our usual rules with Jimin here? It’s your call.”

“What are the usual rules?” Jimin asked. “She and I only had two rules: wear a condom and be honest about what we liked or didn’t like.”

“We have something similar, but with variations,” Taehyung explained. “Condoms for any assplay, colors for safewords, consent is always confirmed, aftercare is mandatory, and open, honest communication.”

“Condoms only for assplay?” Jimin gulped. “What about vaginal play?”

“I have my birth control implant,” you told Jimin while pointing out the spot on your arm. “Taehyung and I have always been vigilant about staying clean and we get tested every other month, even when we aren’t sexually active.”

“So, I guess the question we have is,” Taehyung expressed kindly. “What about you, Jimin? What do you want to do?”

Jimin sat up on one elbow and shifted his doe eyes between you and Taehyung. He couldn’t believe what you were offering.

“Jagi,” he breathed out. “We’ve never gone bare...like ever. I’ve never gone bare with anyone actually.”

“I know, Jiminie,” you expressed tenderly. “I’ve only ever trusted Tae-bear with something like that. But I know how careful you are, and I’m sure that hasn’t changed. If you’re comfortable with it, then I’m willing to trust you as well.”

You reached up to cup his cheek and he leaned in and kissed your palm gingerly with his swollen lips. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky exhale.

“Nothing’s changed,” he finally responded. “I’m still careful, I still get tested, and I’m still clean. If you really trust me, then I trust you too.

He pressed a chaste kiss on your lips and sat up to pull Taehyung in for a kiss as well.

“I trust both of you,” Jimin proclaimed. “I know I just met you, Taehyung, but if my jagiya trusts you with something like this, then who am I to argue with her logic?”

Taehyung smiled at Jimin’s words and reached over to stroke your cheek affectionately. You all took a deep breath as the electricity in the air increased exponentially. The soft caresses on skin transformed into overzealous gropes, and the quiet exhales became heated moans and needy whines. You decided to take the lead this time and climbed onto Jimin’s chest, asking for permission to ride his face, to which he quickly consented. As you settled over his ravenous lips, Taehyung instigated a rather noisy blowjob behind you, pulling Jimin’s angry red tip between his lips and slurping at the precum spilling over the edge.

“Fuck,” Jimin gasped out beneath you. “You couldn’t give me a warning, Tae?”

“Do you want me to stop?” Taehyung pouted. “Just say the word, Jiminie.”

“No, please don’t stop,” Jimin begged. “Keep going.”

You looked back over your shoulder and grinned wickedly at Taehyung. The smirk on his handsome face was mesmerizing, and you returned it in kind. You lowered your soaking wet heat to Jimin’s lips once again as Taehyung swirled his tongue around Jimin’s girthy penis.

Jimin inhaled sharply through his nose and moaned out into the flooded depths of your vagina. He dug his nails into your hips and you cried out erotically. For every lick and suck Taehyung unleashed upon him, Jimin paid it forward to your gushing center.

“Jimin,” you moaned. “I’m getting close.”

Taehyung slapped his palm against Jimin’s thigh, causing him to hiss and moan into your drenched thigh.

“What was that for?” Jimin protested.

“Don’t let her cum yet, Jiminie,” Taehyung instructed. “Let’s see how far we can edge her out.”

You whipped your head around to glare at Taehyung’s smug face and scowled deeply at him. He knew you hated edging, but he also knew that you came especially hard when edged. You pouted at him and he cocked an eyebrow at you before pulling off of Jimin’s dick with an audible pop.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, babe,” Taehyung relented. “But I promise it will feel amazing if you let it happen.”

He winked at you playfully and you couldn’t resist the boxy grin he shot your way before diving back onto Jimin’s glistening cock. You watched him dip and twist his mouth up and down Jimin’s stiff shaft, even dragging his tongue below the base and flicking along Jimin’s scrotum. Jimin was quickly unraveling underneath Taehyung’s expert skills, and he suddenly lost his concentration on you when Taehyung started licking lower between his legs.

“Ttalgi, come here, quickly,” Taehyung commanded.

You released your hold on the wall and dismounted Jimin’s face, which was contorting into a mask of pure pleasure thanks to Taehyung. He started stroking Jimin’s shaft in time with his tongue barrage.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Jimin moaned out. “I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum.”

“Do you want to cum inside her, Jiminie?” Taehyung cooed. “Want this dirty girl to sink down on this hard cock and soak up your hot sticky load?”

Jimin couldn’t verbalize anything, but he nodded desperately and started flailing his arms in search of you. Taehyung positioned you just above Jimin’s dick and held you in place.

“When I say sit, babe,” Taehyung quirked. “Sit down and ride him into his orgasm, ok?”

“I’m ready, Tae-bear,” you agreed wholeheartedly. “Just tell me when.”

After a few more strokes, Jimin’s hands clenched against the sheets and he threw his head back harshly.

“NOW,” Taehyung commanded while lowering you safely onto Jimin’s lap.

As soon as your thighs connected with Jimin’s, he let out a cry of unbridled passion and thrusted up into you like a madman possessed. His eyes were blown wide and he couldn’t stop pulling you onto his dick even as he shot out jets of cum, painting your walls in white. The sexual tempest finally abated and Jimin slumped against the pillows and let out a long audible breath laced with amusement.

“Holy shit,” he exclaimed. “That has to be the most incredible sensation in the world. Jagiya, why have I never plunged into your Cave of Wonders bareback before?”

“Because we were both busy being responsible adults, Aladdin,” you quipped. “Or maybe I should call you Genie since Tae referred to you as a magical sex fairy.”

“He can call me whatever he wants if I’m going to get this kind of treatment,” he giggled. “But, I’m worried about him, jagi. He hasn’t been given proper attention just yet. We should really help him out, don’t you think?”

You chuckled and pulled yourself off of Jimin then propped yourself up on all fours, wiggling your ass slightly to entice Taehyung forward. He shook his head and eased onto the bed behind you. He reached between your legs to see if you needed additional lubrication, but the deluge he slipped into told him you were more than ready.

“Look at this mess you two made,” he commented in astonishment, while licking the combined cum from his fingertips. “Just like a creamsicle on a hot summer day.”

Taehyung slid the blunt head of his stiff cock along the crease of your sopping wet pussy and then slowly pushed his way in. He groaned as each inch disappeared from sight and he gave a small thrust to fit the last few inches snugly inside. You whimpered at the stretch and lifted your head to meet Jimin’s amused stare.

“What a naughty girl we have here, Tae,” Jimin cooed. “All stuffed full of cock and she still looks like she wants more. Should I give you more, jagiya?”

When all you could do was whimper weakly at Jimin’s entreaty, so Taehyung pulled your hair back and thrust forward sharply. Jimin was enthralled by the fucked out look on your face and leaned forward to lick into your open mouth.

“Jiminie asked you a question, ttalgi,” he hissed in your ear. “Don’t disappoint Daddy and ignore our guest. Now, do you want more cock or not?”

“Yes,” you begged desperately against Jimin’s plushy lips. “Want him in my mouth, Daddy. Can I? Please?”

Jimin chuckled at your pleas and leaned over to lure Taehyung into another heated kiss.

“Daddy kink, huh?” Jimin teased as he pulled away. “That’s a new one for me.”

“It only works when I do it,” Taehyung grunted. “You can call me Daddy too, if you like?”

“We’ll see how I feel later,” Jimin smirked. “For now, let’s stuff this naughty little slut full of cock.”

Taehyung picked up the pace as he pistoned his aching dick deep into your womb. Jimin stroked his own cock until he had half an erection and then ran the tip across your lips.

“Open up, jagi,” Jimin crooned sweetly. “I’ve got a treat for you.”

You eagerly opened wide and allowed Jimin to place his hands on your head to hold you in place while he fucked into your mouth. You hollowed your cheeks and slurped him down until he was hard and quivering against your tongue.

“Ah, fuck yes,” Jimin squealed. “Just what I needed. Thanks, jagi.”

Jimin pulled out of your mouth and you whined in protest. He brushed the saliva from your lips and planted a fat kiss on them before disappearing from your sight.

Taehyung took your distraction as an opportunity to pull you up against his chest so he could play with your clit as he fucked up into you. He read your impending orgasms carefully and pulled back each time the crest threatened to break across your threshold. He appeased your adorable tear-streaked face with sweet promises of “the best orgasm of your life.”

“You have to trust me, babe,” Taehyung sneered against your wet cheeks. “You’ll thank me when you fall over that edge, I promise.”

You were about to whine out another protest when Taehyung clenched against you unexpectedly.

“Oh, fuck,” he hissed against your temple. “You wicked little fucker. I should’ve kept an eye on you.”

“Yeah, you should have,” came Jimin’s voice from behind Taehyung. “I’m a sneaky bitch, did I forget to mention that?”

Jimin had sprung a sexy sneak attack with two lubed fingers currently seeking entrance at Taehyung’s back door. Taehyung released you back onto all fours so he could grant Jimin better access to his ass. He slowed his movements just long enough for Jimin to work his dick into Taehyung’s now well lubricated asshole. With all three of you connected, it took a moment or two to find a definitive rhythm together, but once you did, the fluid movements initiated a series of high pitched squeals and moans unlike any you’d heard before. Taehyung felt your walls clamping down into his dick and he gathered up enough focus to make an erotic suggestion.

“Jimin, wait,” he huffed out on a moan. “Let’s change positions. As much as I’m enjoying this, there’s something I want to try now that we have you here.”

Jimin pulled back and waited for Taehyung to continue. With a flick of his wrist, Taehyung reached over and gently pulled the condom off Jimin’s dick and smirked sinfully.

“I’ve never trusted anyone enough to double penetrate her,” Taehyung explained quickly. “Get inside her cunt and let me get a condom on.”

“Oh, shit,” Jimin gasped. “You’re fucking serious, aren’t you?”

“You bet your fine ass, I’m serious,” Taehyung gritted out while rolling on the condom. “This dirty little girl is about to blow and so am I. Daddy owes her the orgasm of a lifetime and he’s going to give it to her.”

You were just catching your breath, and you whimpered at the tightness in your clit.

“Guys, if I don’t cum soon, I’m going to fucking explode,” you growled. “So unless you want me to take care of this by myself, I suggest you get over here and finish the fucking job.”

“Oooh, jagi is feisty when she’s frustrated,” Jimin cackled. “I’ve never edged her, so this should be fun to watch.”

“I’m giving you a front row seat, Jiminie,” Taehyung beamed as he laid down beside you. “Enjoy the show.”

Jimin helped rearrange your body so that you were wedged in between them on the bed. After lifting up one of your thighs, Jimin slipped his bare cock into your swollen cunt, reveling at the raw feeling of your fleshy walls tightening around his dick. You were so wet and slippery that even Taehyung was surprised that he wouldn’t need much lube to get your asshole ready for him.

“I love it when she’s this strung out and horny,” he chuckled. “Makes it so easy for me.”

With a little help from Jimin’s fingers, Taehyung slipped beyond your puckered hole and buried himself into the glorious tightness of your ass. With both of your holes now occupied, you found yourself adrift in a sea of endorphins. The finish line was just beyond your sight and you cried out as you felt both cocks sliding across the thin membrane separating your cunt from your asshole.

“Tae,” you whimpered helplessly. “Jimin...please...I need you.”

“We’re right here, ttalgi,” Taehyung soothed. “Just let go. I’m not going to hold you back anymore. Just let it flow right through you.”

Jimin slipped his fingers down to rub against your clit and the combined sensations hurtled into your brain all at once.

“OH FUCK!” you screamed as you careened over the edge of your climax and tumbled into one spasm and after another, losing track of just how many orgasms Taehyung had stacked up for you throughout the course of the night. When the last one hit, your vision cleared just enough to catch Jimin’s awed facial expression as he watched you come undone. The glazed look in your eyes triggered his own climax and he shot another rope of sweet release deep into your quivering heat.

“Babe,” Taehyung grunted behind you, still pumping away. “I’m really fucking close. Where do you want it?”

You smiled wickedly and pulled Jimin close. He was still reeling from his last orgasm, but he offered you a small smile, wordlessly agreeing to whatever your face was suggesting.

“On our faces,” you moaned. “Cum all over our faces, Tae!”

It only took a few more well timed thrusts before Taehyung was pulling out and stepping over the two of you. He tossed the condom aside and pumped away at his shaft until he unleashed a cascade of semen all over your face and Jimin’s. He groaned wantonly as he watched you and Jimin lap up the streaks of semen from each other’s face.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” he conceded while throwing his head back in exhaustion. “I don’t know about you two, but I’m fucking spent.”

His knees buckled onto the mattress and you placed one last kiss on Jimin’s lips before rolling off the bed. You left the two of them gasping for breath on the bed while you retrieved some bottled water from the fridge.

“Oh, you angel,” Jimin preened. “Just what I needed.”

Once you all got back to a normal heart rate, you corralled both Jimin and Taehyung into the shower. You silently thanked your landlord for installing the wide shower stall with a built-in bench seat. The three of you fit comfortably in the shower together with a little room to spare.

After you were all cleaned up and refreshed, the boys changed the sheets and you gathered up extra pillows so you could all cuddle up on the bed. Jimin heartily agreed to the sleepover, and you were all thoroughly exhausted from your early morning romp.

Taehyung tucked both you and Jimin against his chest and sighed out with contentment. After kissing both of you on the forehead, he wished you good night and settled into his pillow. You and Jimin slipped your fingers together and snuggled against Taehyung.

As you faded into unconsciousness, you smiled and exhaled happily.

Damn, Universe. You’re on a roll.

The three of you drifted off to Dreamland as the dogs in the living room looked up with curiosity and growled at the black sparkles that flashed and pulsed from your coffee table and then vanished a moment later.

Author’s Note: (releasing my clenched thighs) Whew, is everyone ok after that chapter? I don’t know about you, but I need a long shower after that. I had so much fun writing this chapter and I made my betas all hot and bothered when they read it, so I assume it’s good. I hope you all enjoyed the Vmin playtime. Only three more chapters to go! 

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Chapter Three: The Beautiful Music We Used to Make

NEXT CHAPTER

Chapter Five: There’s Still Sunshine When He’s Gone

MAP OF THE SOUL MASTERLIST

@caught-in-a-seesaw-stigma​‘s MASTERLIST

[vjoongup]

NCT 127: Reaction to their Crush Being Stuck in a Bad Relationship (Part Three)

Request by Anon: hiiiii love could you please do a nct 127 + ten reaction to having a crush on a girl and she has a boyfriend who doesn’t really treat her right and they like her but she’s kinda stuck in the bad relationship with her boyfriend who isn’t really nice to her? thank you! I love love your writing! keep up the good work!

Members in Part Three: Doyoung, Mark, Taeyong

Warnings: Angst

Contains: A lot of angst and some fluff here and there. Maybe a little smutty toward the end? But it’s very light smut.

Other Parts:

Part 1~ Click Me!

Part 2~ Click Me!

Notes: Crush is an idol. This is also my first anon request <3

Doyoung~

She was center now. Her rapping was putting the audience into an uproar. Her other members were forming a triangle with her at the point. She was appealing to everyone, personality wise and visually.

Doyoung happily watched her with a huge smile on his face and a sparkling glint in his eyes. A few other NCT members stood near him, watching the group's performance from the left stage exit. However, Doyoung only had eyes for her.

When he finally did peel his eyes away from her, it was to look at the other stage entrance/exit. Her boyfriend could be seen at the other side from Doyoung's viewpoint. He was talking to a female stagehand, who was smiling and standing way too close to him. Honestly, her boyfriend probably didn't even realize her group's song was ending in five seconds and the ending was simply running off stage with her at point.

She would see him immediately and Doyoung knew all good emotions from performing would be replaced by bad ones. Doyoung wished she was exiting on his side so she wouldn't be faced with that scene of her boyfriend shamelessly flirting in the middle of her group's concert. He didn't want her to hurt the whole time she's on stage after that moment. She deserved to have a blast in front of her fans.

Her and her boyfriend's relationship was never great. It was put together by her and the other star's manager. She was stuck in that relationship, for now, and the guy never even tried.  Meanwhile, she was forbidden from doing many things with other males, including being seen in public with them. It was the reason many of the NCT members tried to bargain with her manager through their own manager so she wouldn't be put in that situation and stripped of happiness. It was the reason Doyoung was restricted to this side of the stage with other NCT members while the crappy boyfriend was on the exit side of the performance in hopes that a picture of them would be taken.

Any one of the boys in NCT would have been better but her manager wanted more publicity and the solo star gave a ton of that. Recently, Chenle offered to get her out of the relationship but he was much too young according to the manager despite him belonging to the upper class.

Her song ended. Doyoung watched as she darted toward the exit while smiling and waving to her fans. The boyfriend attempted to approach her once their eyes met and quickly separated from the girl but when she knew she was out of sight, she pushed her boyfriend into the wall and turned on him, anger written on her face. The eldest member of her group grabbed her waist and pulled her away without breaking stride. The stagehand took off and the boyfriend was left with an exasperated, surprisingly confused look on his face.

Doyoung turned and ran toward their dressing room, past even more NCT members lurking backstage. Some of the members decided to follow Doyoung at a walking pace, knowing exactly where he was going and realizing something must've happened.

He brushed past the girl the boyfriend was talking to. She looked sheepish and embarrassed. She should have been, Doyoung thought.

Her group members were all outside the room drinking water and other workers were fixing their makeup. They greeted Doyoung in unison. He asked quickly, "Can I go in?"

The eldest nodded. "The managers are arguing they probably won't be back here for a while. You have five minutes before wardrobe barges in and demands to dress her."

Doyoung thanked her and opened the door without knocking. She turned to look at the intruder with a fire in her eyes.

Her fire calmed at the sight of him. Doyoung closed the door behind him and wasted no time walking toward her in the center of the room. He fully embraced her, using a hand to gently press her face into his chest.

Her hands gripped at the sides of his t-shirt while she buried her face into him, breathing in his familiar cologne. His hand began stroking her hair while the other had a tight grip on her shoulder.

They stood there in silence.

Even though words weren't exchanged, the silence spoke a thousand words neither of them dared to speak and held emotions neither of them wanted to acknowledge anymore.

They began pulling away from each other at the same time. They stared into each other's eyes as Doyoung's hands lingered on her wrists. When he finally pulled completely away from her touch, a feeling of loss began eating away at the two of them.

They stood there in silence a little longer. Neither dared to look directly at the other. Both found great interest in the scuffed floor.

Doyoung's heart was hammering in his chest when he finally looked back at her. She was chewing her lower lip between her teeth. Her hands were clasped together. She wasn't aware of how their time was quickly coming to an end.

He opened his mouth to speak. She looked at him upon hearing the beginning of a word. However, the door opened. His words were lost and unintelligible as a strange noise slipped out instead.

People filed in and several were already attempting to shoo him out the door. He looked at her a final time and their eyes met.

She grabbed his hand and ever so slightly gave it a small squeeze before he was forced to walk away with so many things unsaid between them.

They wouldn't remain unsaid forever. And he wouldn't give up fighting her manager.

Mark~

The noises and smells of the bar were suffocating. She knew it was Johnny's best intentions that brought her here with some of the other guys, but this wasn't her scene.

Mark was becoming more and more aware of her tension. He was sitting next to her in one of the booths. Taeil was on Mark's other side but the elder was about to get up with Jungwoo and Taeyong. Meanwhile, Johnny and Jaehyun were both with the same group of women tourists.

Mark looked at her out of the corner of his eye and saw the way her hands were continuously moving in her lap. She wasn't always like this. She used to be open and adventurous. She's retreated back into a shell and had been doing so since she began dating that guy.

When the others got up, Mark slipped his arm around her shoulder. She looked up at him with caution at first. The soft smile on his face made her feel safe and she shuffled closer to him, seeking security. He leaned closer to her ear. His nose was tickled by her hair as he spoke loud enough for her to hear. "Are you ok?"

Her hesitant response gave it away. She turned her neck and looked into Mark's brown eyes, knowing her conflict was enough for him to know she wasn't ok. However, the conflict of explaining it to him was something else entirely.

Mark had to take a deep breath. Her own nose was centimeters from his own now. She was biting on her lower lip and thoughts were wildly running through her head.

His brown eyes turned to liquid and the arm around her shoulder tightened. He was trying to comfort her, and that action also encouraged her to talk to him.

"He began dating me in hopes of getting to collaborate with me." She sighed, her eyes never leaving his as she slowly unloaded all her thoughts onto Mark's shoulders. "Everything has been a lie. He doesn't love me. He only wanted to ride my tailcoat."

Her face suddenly blanked. She wasn't looking at Mark anymore. She was looking through him. Saying those words aloud for the first time seemed to send herself into a brief state of shock.

"Y/N?"

Her eyes focused on his again, but she could see the newfound concern in his gaze. She looked away from him again but leaned into him more. Their sides were almost glued together. Mark could have sworn she could feel the way his heart suddenly hammered in his chest.

"This relationship is a waste. Love is a waste. What's the point?"

He could hear the irritation in her voice and see the lost, pleading look in her eyes as she looked up into Mark's trying to find an answer somewhere inside of them.

There was an answer that Mark wanted to give her. He would have given anything to tell her to how much he wanted her to waste it all on him. He wanted to show her it wasn't a waste. He wanted to show her how much he cared about her. He wanted to show her something incredible even if she thought love was a waste when he poured his heart and soul out to her.

However, she wasn't single. Now wasn't the time for Mark to say anything like those thoughts. He was forced to swallow hard and speak smoothly past the lump in his throat. "Just talk to him, sweetheart. Communication is the key for a great relationship. At least trying might make you think a little differently."

Taeyong~

"낯설다 하네 니가 좋아하던 나로 변한 내가 아니라 하네 예전에 니가 잘 알고 있던 내가 아니긴 뭐가 아냐 난 눈 멀었어 사랑은 뭐가 사랑 It's all fake love..."

Her singing completely mesmerized Taeyong. She was like a siren to him. Her voice was the most beautiful thing he's ever heard.

She smiled at the end of the chorus. Taeyong could see some of the vocalists gaping at her. However, her attention turned toward her boyfriend seated on her left. When she saw he was still buried in his phone, her smile faltered. The expression on her face fell.

She looked away from him and looked down into her lap. Taeyong, seated on her right, placed one of his hands on her exposed thigh.

He could feel chill bumps rise on her skin when she looked at him with a soft expression and gently pushed the comfort of his hand away. The boyfriend never even noticed this exchanged between the two of them. Taeyong's irritation toward him was slowly growing because he was more than aware of when the boyfriend touched her and when he didn't even look at her.

Taeyong rose and headed toward his shared room. A few eyes followed his profile concerned about his sudden leave, completely unaware of what bothered him. What he didn't notice was her getting up and following silently behind him a few seconds later.

He closed his bedroom door behind him when he entered and laid flat on his perfectly made bed so he could stare at the bland ceiling paint. Why did her manager force her into that relationship? Why?She's clearly not happy. Any of the members she knows could make her happier and she knows that.

The sound of the door creaking open stole his attention. She was peering in at him. Her eyes were looking for an invitation even though she didn't need one. She was always welcome.

He smiled at her.

Her stomach flipped and filled with butterflies. It was a feeling she hadn't felt toward her boyfriend since the first week they were announced as a couple.

She hastily snuck in and closed the door behind her. She made four long strides to his bed and sat inches away from his side.

He looked up at her, giving her his full attention, as she began to speak. "Taeyong... I think we should stay away from each other for a while."

His eyes widened. She looked away from him and began to stand. Taeyong's hand landed on her thigh to stop her as he shot upward to look her in the eye.

When she looked at him her eyebrows were together. Pain was hiding in her beautiful eyes. The reason she chose to take this path is because she could no longer hide her emotions from him. She was falling for him... hard considering her boyfriend was nothing like Taeyong and no emotions grew between the two.

Taeyong was everything she could ask for. She was everything he could ask for and even more than that. Taeyong had fallen for her faster than a falling star. "Baby, you deserve the world and I would gladly give it to you if I could."

She sighed, starting to lean her face closer to his as he leaned toward her. Her breath hit his face and her eyes were close to closing. However, she still whispered to him, "We shouldn't."

He leaned forward the few centimeters he needed to close the space between them. His lips carefully captured hers in a sweet kiss. Her eyes closed as she eagerly returned the kiss with a tenderness Taeyong didn't expect from her. She always struck him as someone to seize something and take it but this... this was unexpected and only made Taeyong's heart flutter.

It was as if she didn't want to break him or herself.

And then the kiss continued. With each second, their passion grew. She knew she shouldn't be kissing him back with equal fervor. He knew he should have resisted the temptation. She began to pull her feet up to the mattress so she could turn around while saying, "We should stop."

His eyes opened briefly to look into her own as he placed a hand on her shoulder, beginning to pull her down on top of him. "Make me."

His back hit the bed and her knees were on either side of his waist. Her nose touched his and her hair fell like a curtain around their faces. Their eyes were still locked. He whispered softly to her. "Show me that you don't want me instead."

Her center lowered onto his crotch. Her lips just barely grazed his own now. Taeyong resisted craning his neck up to kiss her lips. Both of their body temperatures were rising. She whispered back to him.

"I can't."

[imagine-loki]

Gifted

Title: Gifted (Sequel to Giftless)

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 54/?

AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: 

Imagine that you are Stark’s niece and you secretly share a strong relationship with Loki since he entered the crew. One day you get hurt so bad during a mission that you are about to die.  Loki knows a spell that will save you and share his immortality with you but you and he will be linked forever sharing thoughts, pain, emotions…

RATING: T NOTES/WARNINGS:  Also on AO3 click here

You spent the next two days straight researching with Fury and Tony, trying to find any sign of where Balder could be hiding Loki. Your power was draining through the soulbond at an alarming rate and you were getting desperate to find Loki before it was too late. You ate everything in sight, trying to keep your strength up and fuel yourself so you could fuel the soulbond. You apologized to Loki one day after you brewed coffee with one of Tony’s energy drinks instead of water and dumped in crushed up caffeine pills in and sugar. You felt your heart skip about three beats when you downed that ungodly mixture and power flared in the soulbond. Fury sent a memo out that no one else on the team was to ever attempt to make monster-coffee. You drank three more pots of the stuff before the ordeal was over.

You spent free moments on top of the tower, casting out your magic and senses for Loki, or signs of Balder’s shields.

You had no luck.

You expected to hear from Balder. He wanted you to come to him. Why hadn’t he contacted you? You couldn’t go save Loki, if you didn’t know where he was.

The morning of the fifth day, you were desperate for answers and made a desperate move. “Tony, don’t stop me,” you told him firmly. You were in the commonroom right after breakfast. “I’ll explain what I’m doing after. I promise that I know what I’m doing,” you told him. He growled, but nodded. It was never good when you told him you’d explain something after you did it. You pulled a dagger, apologized silently to Frigga, and sliced open your right palm.

“Kat!” Tony exclaimed, protesting your blood being spilled. 

You ignored him and placed your bleeding palm against the soulbond marks on your left arm. You felt the power flare and followed the pulse to Loki’s mind at the other end. /Loki!/ you called when your mind finally found his. You got a vague idea of where he was.

/Kat?/ he asked. His voice sounded so weak and pained.

/I’m here. We’re trying to find you. I swear we’re coming. Just hang on/ you told him urgently. He couldn’t give up.  If he gave up you would both die.  /Can you tell me anything about where you are?/

/I have seen nothing besides the room I am chained in/ he replied, so tired, so weak. You could hear how bruised and broken he was. What the hell had Balder done to him?  Didn’t he care at all about his brother?  You poured strength and healing magic down the soulbond.

/No matter. We’ll find you/

/No. Do not come here. He will kill you, or worse/

/He can’t kill me without killing you/ you reminded him. /We’re coming for you, my love. I will not abandon you. We are in this together. Forever/

/No, darling. He will kill you to keep you from helping me. He doesn’t care about keeping either of us alive.  No, do not interrupt, my darling/ he said urgently before you could do just that.  You had to interrupt, to get him down off the ledge.  /I am just sorry that I could not marry you. I am glad that I got to talk to you one last time/

/No! Don’t give up. Don’t you fucking dare give up. I will find you and I will get you out of there. We’re coming for you, I swear to you, Loki. I swear on the soulbond, on everything I am that I am coming for you. Please, just hold on a little longer/

/I love you too/ was all he answered.

You felt the destructive force of power, the backlash as you were thrown back into your own body. you howled in pain as you felt your soul literally ripped in two. Tony was holding you while you screamed and cried, while your heart, your soul, your very being was ripped in half. You wailed in pain as half of you was lost, torn away.

“Kat? Kat?! What the hell just happened?” Tony demanded when you finally got your breathing under control, when you could finally stop screaming long enough for him to get through to you. You looked down at the soulbond marks on your arm. They were gray under the smear of your blood. Tony wrapped a bandage around your sluggishly bleeding palm and cleaned the blood from your other arm.

Loki had done it.

He had broken the soulbond.

“He broke the soulbond. Balder is killing him. He broke the soulbond to save my life,” you told Tony with no emotion in your voice. You didn’t have any emotions left to give.

“Kat…” Tony said softly, pulling you into his arms, trying to comfort you.

You shoved him away, hard, focusing on what you had to do. You had to save Loki. You had to save him now.  You were out of time.  “I know where he is,” you told Tony as you stood. Pepper had joined you. Good. You needed all of the help you could get. “There’s a lot to do and not enough time. You have a choice, Uncle Tony. Either you help me now, or you get the fuck out of my way. I will save him whether you help me or not,” you told him firmly, plans forming in an instant. You were out of time, so you had to go with whatever half-assed plan you could come up with.

You felt for your magic, finding that you still had the magic Loki had given you when the soulbond was forged. You would figure out why you still had that power later, after you had saved Loki. For now, you were just grateful. You would need every ounce of it now. You used magic to don your armor, combat boots, extra weapons and all.

“What do you need?” Tony asked immediately. He wasn’t going to stand in your way.

You gave him a small smile. “I need blood, and for you never to tell Frigga what I am about to do. Or about what I did when I cut my palm,” you added. Frigga was never to know that you and Loki knew some blood magic, or worse that you used it. “If you don’t want to, fine, I’ll do it myself, consequences be damned.” You didn’t care if you drained every single drop of power you had. You were saving Loki’s life.

Tony still hesitated. “I’ll do it,” Pepper volunteered, offering you her hand. You could have kissed her for her kindness.

“Thank you,” you told her, relieved beyond measure. You pulled a dagger and sliced her palm quickly. You waited for a moment, gathering her blood on your dagger, then flung the blood off toward the far wall while saying the final words of the portal spell, forcing it open with only a touch of your power. Pepper’s blood was powering it. “Pepper stay here. Uncle Tony, with me,” you ordered, not being exactly polite to your uncle.  You could apologize to him later. You summoned your tiara from Asgard, placed it carefully, grabbed Tony’s hand and led him to the portal.

There wasn’t enough time.

The portal opened in front of the throne room in Asgard. You dropped Tony’s hand the moment you were through the portal and proceeded to make your way into the throne room, leaving the portal open. You prayed to all of the gods that the people you needed were in the throne room where you needed them.  You didn’t have time to hunt them down. Frigga had seen at least some of this, you knew. She had warned you the time was coming for you to need the soulbond ceremony words.

The time was now.

You strode confidently into the throne room and straight up to the thrones. The other petitioners jumped to get out of your way, scattering to the far walls. No one here had seen you in your armor. They were used to seeing you in the dresses of their world, as Loki’s darling soulbond and nothing more. They were seeing the violent side of you today. They were a warrior people.  They understood.  Tony followed behind you in guard position, letting you take the lead.

You knelt in front of the thrones, thanking all the gods that, Frigga, Thor, Sif, and Astrid, leader of the female warriors, were somehow all there where you needed them. “My Queen, I beg your assistance,” you told Frigga formally.

“Rise, Daughter. What is it you need?” she asked all formal politeness. You held up your arm with the gray soulbond marks. All of their eyes widened with the looks of horror on their faces.  They knew that it meant, though you doubted any of them had ever seen it before.

“Loki is in danger. I need assistance to save him. Immediately,” you told Frigga simply. There was no need for more words when the proof was etched in your skin.

“Children, Astrid. Go. Bring my son home safely,” Frigga ordered. You curtsied to her, regardless of the fact that you were wearing pants. It was still the appropriate gesture.

“Thank you, my queen,” you replied formally.  You knew she would do anything to save her son.  Offering a few Asgardians, even some of their best warriors was just the tip of the iceberg of the help she could send.  This small band would get you started, would be able to mobilize faster to get Loki out of immediate danger.

“Save my son,” she pleaded, tears in her eyes. She knew. They all knew that Loki would only break the soulbond if he were dying.

“I will, lady mother,”

Thor, Sif, and Astrid rushed to follow you from the room with Tony at your heels. “Sister, what happened?” Thor asked as you walked back to the portal. You explained what was going on as briefly as you could.

“Kat, don’t forget what Frigga said,” Sif warned.

“I know. It’s time,”

“Time for what?” Tony demanded, hating being left in the dark.

“Time to go save my soulbond,” you told him as you all walked through the portal. The portal snapped shut behind you, the second you were through.

“You don’t know where he is,” Tony protested.

“Yes, I do,” you replied. “I got his location when he broke the soulbond, but we don’t have much time. You have 30 seconds to request gear before we head out,” you told them all as you grabbed the last pot of monster-coffee from the table in the commonroom.

“Kat-” Tony started, but didn’t get further than that as you downed the entire pot directly from the carafe. You were not messing around with saving Loki. Thor, Sif, and Astrid requested weapons and gear which you summoned for them as you downed coffee from the pot.

Never drink an entire pot of monster-coffee at once.

It should never be drunk in general and should definitely never be chugged. You did both. You literally shuddered when it took effect about 30 seconds later. You were going to sleep for a month when the stuff wore off. You didn’t care as long as you saved Loki first.

“Ready?” you asked them. They all nodded when they were geared up

“What’s the plan?” Tony asked.

“I’m going to portal us in. I need you four to guard while I get Loki in decent enough shape to travel, and then we’re getting the fuck out of there. If he’s in bad enough shape that he broke the soulbond, it is going to take all of my magic and all of my healing abilities to get him stable enough to travel. I won’t be able to help you fight Balder or his cronies.”

“Lead on, Sister,” Thor said when they’d all absorbed your words.

“Shouldn’t we bring some more people?” Tony asked, hesitantly.  Your group was deceptively small.

“There’s no one else here, Uncle Tony. Call backup to the location when we get there,”

You looked over at Pepper. “Can you handle opening another portal?” you asked her. Thor opened his mouth to offer, but you needed him at full strength, so you glared at him to keep him silent.  Pepper nodded.  You felt her power levels and saw that she had just enough for this.

“Good. You stay here after the portal is opened. You can’t handle opening two portals in one day. Especially since you don’t actually have magic,” you had the feeling that Tony was grateful you were keeping Pepper out of this fight.

“I can fight!” Pepper protested.

“Not this fight. Open the portal. That is enough. Let me save my magic for healing Loki.”  She nodded and offered you his hand again. You glanced at Thor, Sif, and Astrid. “Never tell the Queen that I did this,” you ordered them. You reopened the wound on Pepper’s hand and used the same process as before, using forbidden blood magic to open the portal as you focused on Loki and the signal you had gotten from him when the soulbond broke. You had to shove your own power in to help break the portal through the shields. Sif and Astrid grabbed your hand and helped, though neither of them had much if any magic of their own. 

Together you punched through.

Pepper passed out on the couch she had been sitting on just as the portal opened. 

Thor and Tony flanked you as you ran through the portal. Sif followed a step behind with Astrid. The portal snapped shut the second you were all through. You would have to punch another way out of here.

That was a problem for after you saved your Loki.

[marril96]

Dream a Little Dream

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: Sleeping with Rowena results in an accident and tremendous amounts of guilt.

A/N: Inspired by this post and @miss-moon-guardian’s idea.

Editor: @miss-moon-guardian​

*****

Sleeping with Rowena was one of the best things in the world.

She was so small, so warm, perfect to wrap your arms around and hold against you. Sometimes she spooned you; other times you were the big spoon. There were times when you wrapped around each other, and those when you turned your backs to one another, butts brushing together.

Her hair tended to get in your face from time to time, red tendrils sprawling over your mouth and neck like snakes. There was that one time when you rolled over and pushed her off the bed; unconsciously so, but it hadn't stopped her from moaning dramatically as if she'd been hit by a truck and throwing you dirty looks all throughout the day.

Once, you'd managed to drool on her shoulder. A gross, incredibly embarrassing moment, but one you'd come to remember with humor rather than the initial discomfort. It had become a weapon Rowena liked to utilize to win silly arguments, to which you were always quick to respond with a middle finger or a raspberry. Or both, because why not go all the way, seeing as you were already engaged in childishness?

Many adventures were had in the bedroom, sexual escapades excluded. When one dated someone as peculiar as Rowena MacLeod, it was to be expected. The woman was extra in every sense of the word, even when she was asleep.

She loved cuddles (though she never asked for them aloud, the proud creature she was. You'd learned to recognize her body language for demanding them — not that it was hard for open arms and a pout accompanied by trembling lips could only say so much), but she also loved to sprawl all over the bed, taking up all the space as if she were still sleeping alone. You were no stranger to waking up with her arm or leg thrown over you, her hair in your mouth, covers shoved to the floor.

Tonight you'd gone to sleep rather simply. You were on your back, with Rowena's head resting on your chest. Your arm was wrapped around her, holding her against you. She fell asleep to the sound of your heartbeat; you, on the other hand, dozed off listening to her breathing, softly, calmly, her skin on yours filling you with warmth.

Having her so close gave you a sense of security. She was your home, your refuge, your everything. Your safe haven. The one person you knew you could count on.

You still couldn't fathom how you'd managed to get her to trust you, of all people. How you'd managed to get her to put her guard down, to let herself care about you, and, ultimately, love you. The woman was an acquired taste; she was demanding, bitchy, dramatic enough to put a Broadway actress to shame. And, underneath it all was a person. One hidden away beneath layers of coldness, behind steel walls. Terrified of the world around her, cruel and unforgiving.

You could see bits and pieces of that woman, and, with time, Rowena had allowed you to meet her. It was a privilege of the highest order, and you treated it as such, swearing to never do anything to jeopardize it. To never tear her heart out and crush it before her eyes with a wicked smile on your mouth.

To never hurt her the way she'd been hurt before.

Every time you told her you loved her, you meant it. And every time she said it back, you knew she felt it just as much. Because, as complicated as she was, Rowena wasn't difficult to figure out once you got to know her — really, truly know her, heart and soul alike.

When she cuddled up with you tonight, you knew it was a gesture of love. Unlike you, she wasn't too big on telling. But when it came to showing, she was a professional. Curling up against you was one of her favorite things. She was like a kitten like that, a small bundle of fluff and joy. And when you put your arm around her, the sound that she let out sounded suspiciously like a purr.

It was an ordinary night, no different than any other this week, and the one before that. Settling down did wonders for one's life. No hunters or monsters lurking about. No apocalypses on their way. Just a nice, normal suburban life.

You were dreaming of… something. You weren't entirely sure what it was. It was something, and — you were holding it. Yes, that was right. You were holding it for, despite not knowing what it was, you knew it was of immense importance. You had to keep it safe. You couldn't let it get into the wrong hands.

Someone you couldn't see smacked your arm. You tightened your hold on the thing. Mustn't lose it. Must keep it safe. The person persisted, hitting you, kicking at you, muttering… something, their voice too choked up, too cracked to properly let the words out.

All you knew was, they wanted your treasure.

And you wouldn't let them have it.

The more they fought you, the harder you held on. This was your possession, your prize, whatever the hell it was. You weren't going to give it up without a fight.

Or so you thought until pain unlike any you'd felt before shot through your arm and everything faded into blinding darkness.

Your eyes snapped open. Your breathing was fast, uneven, chest heaving as if you'd run for miles. Your arm was on fire, hot, slick blood trickling down your skin. Pouring out of wounds resembling crescents, that stung as if freshly sharpened knives had bit into your skin.

What the fuck? What the fuck?!

A sound of coughing, of hard, labored breathing startled you. Rowena was beside you on the bed, on her knees, hungrily sucking in breath after breath before pushing it out. Her hands were on her neck, skin crimson red, vibrant as her hair. Her eyes were wide, face pale as if she'd seen a ghost. Tears stained her cheeks, falling mercilessly one after the other. Dripping onto her lacy black pajamas.

You instantly sprung upright, protective mode kicking in. "Rowena!" Your reached for her shoulder.

She smacked your hand away.

The rejection stung. What happened? Why didn't she want you to touch her? Usually, she welcomed it. Touching her shoulder always calmed her, grounded her. Told her, without a single word spoken, that she was safe. That you were there and you weren't going to let anything happen to her — never again. Then your arms would open and she would snuggle in and let you hold her, for an hour if she needed it. She would cry and you would rock her, whisper softly to her, soothe her as if she were a child.

Why didn't she want it now? Why didn't she want you?

Wait a minute…

The dream. You holding onto something. Someone trying to make you let it go. You stubbornly refusing to let go. The stabbing pain. The bleeding wounds on your arm.

Oh, my god!

Had you hurt her? Had that something you held so vigorously been her head? Had you tried to choke her?

Had she, desperate to free herself of your grasp, scratched you?

God. Jesus. Fuck!

"Rowena," you said as softly as you could, guilt shooting through you like acid, eating you up from the inside, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

It had been three years since her most horrible death — since Lucifer, whose name had become all but a curse in this house — and choking was still a painful subject for her. The two of you used to role play; now, if she allowed you to grab her neck, it came with strict rules. She still had nightmares of the bastard showing up at her door, his hands on her neck, squeezing with force unlike any she'd ever felt. She still saw his face — his true face, horror personified. Still felt his boots slamming on her head, her skull giving in, bones cracking under the pressure. Still screamed and cried about it, felt the pain as her skull gave in and flames started licking at her skin, eating her up bit by little bit.

You swore to never let it happen again.

And now you'd hurt her — just as he had.

"Are you okay?" you asked — a stupid question, really, for she was certainly not okay. She was far from okay.

"I—" Rowena sucked in another breath. Pushed it out. Rinse and repeat. Swallowed the lump that had formed in her bruised throat. "I'm fine."

Physically, maybe, but you knew her mental state was far from fine. Was she back in that hotel room with Lucifer? Was she losing her breath, having her skull crushed, laying motionless in a pool of her own blood as fire devoured her?

"I just need a minute," she added.

A minute of you not touching her. A minute away from you.

A more than fair request, given the circumstances.

"Okay," you said with a nod, not that she could see it. "I'm really sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to. I was dreaming, and I guess I must've—"

"It's fine," she cut you off.

It wasn't. Not by a longshot. "I'm really sorry." What else could you say? You hadn't meant to hurt her, but you did. It happened. You couldn't erase it, no matter how much you wanted to.

Rowena turned to you. Locked her red-rimmed eyes with yours. "I know, darling." A smile bloomed on her mouth; loving, encouraging, one of those smiles she gave you whenever you needed comfort.

Relief flooded through you. She wasn't mad. At least there was that.

"Can I?" Your eyes trailed to her hands, now resting on her lap.

Without a word, she reached for your hand. You squeezed, fingers wrapping over hers, holding on as if your life depended on it. It felt good to hold her, to feel her skin, soft as a caress and warm as home, on yours.

It was an intimate moment. She was vulnerable, fragile, and she let you see it. She let you in just as she had countless times before.

Only you.

"Did I squeeze hard?" If the red on her neck was any indication, you'd had quite a grip.

She nodded, and your heart sank, guilt stinging, tearing into you like a blade.

"You've got quite a grip, lass." Her tone was light, joking.

You weren't laughing. You wanted to cry. "I'm sorry."

She shot you a pointed stare. "How many times are you going to apologize?"

A thousand, if it would ease your guilt. If it would make it right. Swallowing, you said, "I had this dream that I was holding something under my arm."

"That would be my head," Rowena said, deadpan.

"Someone was trying to take it, so I kinda fought them."

"That would be me."

"I'm sorry." Her eyebrow rose. Stare intensified. You sighed. "I'm-I don't know what else to say. I feel really bad. I didn't wanna hurt you."

Her expression softened. "I know, Y/N. Let us move past it."

Okay. You could do that. It sounded like a good idea.

In theory.

The guilt still ate at you. Your heart still ached. You could put on a front, be all smiles and rainbows, but on the inside you would still tear yourself apart. The past three years hadn't been easy; you'd been there through the nightmares, the flashbacks, the crying fits as random memories struck. You'd watched her fall apart, over and over, and pull herself back together. You'd held her. Loved her. Supported her.

Only to now hurt her.

How were you supposed to get past that?

It may have been an accident, but the fact still remained that you were the one who'd hurt her. You were the one who'd sent her back to that hotel room, who'd made her relive that hell yet again.

"Okay," you said, though it really wasn't. You were willing to try to make it so. You cupped her cheek gently; she leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering closed for a moment. A wordless sign of trust. You smiled. "It won't happen again. I promise."

Rowena gave a small nod. "It wasn't that bad."

The drying tears on her cheeks and her still a tad faster than normal breathing said otherwise.

Her eyes fell upon the crescent wounds on your arm. "Did I do that?" There was regret in her tone, a matching expression spilling over her face.

"It's nothing. Just a few scratches." Marks of self-defense. She ran a finger over them, feeling them, inspecting them. The touch was gentle; as much as the wounds stung, there was comfort in it, care. Concern. "It's fine."

"I should see to them," she said.

You weren't the only protective one in this relationship. "Later."

She gave a nod. "I'll make you a potion."

"Okay, Mama Bear." She rolled her eyes at the nickname. You chuckled. "I'm glad you're okay."

"It takes more than a wee headlock to bring me down."

"Tough girl."

"You know it."

You pecked her on the tip of her nose, making her scrunch her face adorably, which, in turn, prompted you to smile. "Come on, let's go back to sleep. It's—" you glanced at your phone, eyes widening in surprise "—five AM. Jesus! I thought it was seven at least."

"We're a bit early," Rowena agreed.

The two of you resumed your positions — you on your back with her beside you, her head on your chest. Your hand tentatively slid around her.

"I'll try not to choke you this time," you said, only partly joking. The last thing you wanted was to hurt her again.

She chuckled. "If you would be so kind."

You pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Love you, baby."

"I love you, too, darling."

Not long after you both drifted back to sleep.

This time, thankfully, without weird dreams and headlocks.

*****

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