#She learned much later what it meant but she never told me if it hurt her that her mother would do that to her though

[steal-this-idea]

I received an old nickel in my change yesterday and it got me thinking about how, in old photos, you’d see advertisements for, say, a cup of coffee and it costs, like, 5¢ and now it costs maybe $2 or more?

Why did we let that happen? And it happened all over the world too. Small change used to be able to buy things and now you can’t buy shit with ‘em

How did the whole world collectively sigh and resign themselves to letting their coins become practically worthless tokens rather than demand from the Powers That Be that nickels be able to buy things again?

Even the French...Even the French who will light their country on fire from the barest of provocations surrendered on this front, dooming their cinq centimes...

[whimsydingbat]

…

if you read this and the first post, I sincerely apologize. you’re getting a hard look at the deepest recesses of my mind, open agape and oozing my most vulnerable thoughts I could ever reveal. they’re words that I need to be said, written. I find I don’t ever learn my lesson unless I talk about it. so, I hope those who care enough to read are receptive.

[letorip]

Can you do headcanons for Jenna’s characters with a tall reader?

tall reader

it's been a little bit since i've been back on here and actively posted, but you know what i felt bad that i hadn't, so i did this to kind of assure everyone who didn't see my last thing that i'm still alive and well. sorry for not responding sooner to this request. also, if you see this, do not panic, i promise, i'm still finishing kiss with a fist [iii] and we’re only a few days from casual [iii]. the last thing i want is someone seeing me update and then immediately jumping into my inbox to ask about those, because i'm hard at work at them anyways

also, if you're not tall, just imagine it for a moment, lmao

wednesday addams

she’s not especially expressive, so she’ll never admit to it, but she absolutely loves that you’re so much taller than her. it’s cheesy and she knows you'll tease her about it, if she does mention it

she fumbles the bag at first, when during one of your first conversations, she says "you remind me of lurch." it's not exactly flattering to be told you remind her of her 40 year old butler who looks like a skeleton, and it makes you think she doesn't like you, at first, but to be fair, she meant it as a compliment

you try to brush past it, and wednesday too, and she's confused as to why you didn't seem flattered. enid's mouth drops open when wednesday recounts your interaction, and she tries to coach her through fixing her mistake

unfortunately your next conversation is only more awkward, when she walks it back and says "you DON'T remind me of lurch." she thinks it's a good way to recover from her previous error, but you just look even more confused, and she's suddenly walking off before she fucks up anything any more

she does manage to have an actual conversation with you later, after you take the turn to initiate, and that's how you two actually begin to grow closer and closer

even in her big ass platform boots, you’re still taller than her. it closes a little bit of the distance, but you're still much taller

she grabs your tie or bunches your shirt and pulls you down to her level, in order to kiss you. it hurts your neck sometimes, but you’d never ever tell her not to do it

even when she tugs you down for a kiss, she still has to stand on her tippy toes, especially if she’s only in socks

it does make you the ideal height for cuddling, though

wednesday claimed at first that she would cut your fingers off if you tried to hold her, but she slowly learns to crave it. all you have to do is give her a look and lift up your blanket, and she’ll crawl right in, especially if it’s after an investigation and she’s exhausted

theres just something oddly relaxing about curling up and feeling you wrap yourself around her. you’re definitely big spoon in this scenario. not that she wouldn’t hold you the same— she does, especially when she’s worried about the investigation but doesn’t want to say anything— but she likes how you’re able to completely wrap around her and how she can almost burrow herself into you

wednesday absolutely adores to sit on your lap. she’ll sit on your lap whenever and wherever she can. sideways with her arms around your neck, back to front with your arms around her waist, facing you in a straddle, during the more heated moments. she said she’d never be like her parents, but she also finds your lap to be the most comfortable seat around

she plops herself down onto your lap whenever she feels the person you're talking to is laughing a little too much at your jokes. she'll wander right over, wordlessly, sit down on your lap, wrap an arm around your neck, and stare at the person you're talking to with a usual disinterest, and they very quickly get the memo and leave

not that you realise this pattern, of course

you also use your height to help in the investigation. getting books for her off of high-up, dusty shelves, giving her a boost through windows that she shouldn't be breaking into, you name it. your willingness to assist her in her crazy plan is just part of what she loves about you

"can you reach that for me, cara mia?"

she does miraculously know your measurements, of course, when it comes to buying clothes. being tall makes clothes somewhat hard, but she always manages to buy the perfect sized thing, and you're starting to wonder if she somehow measured you, when you weren't paying attention

tara carpenter

you guys begin as sworn enemies after meeting at blackmore, and it results in a lot of mean insults about each others' height. she calls you the jolly green giant and you call her dwarf. she calls you giraffe, you call her stuart little. neither of you will admit that you find the other obnoxiously attractive

she says you're freakishly tall, but you're only a little taller than chad. she never annoys him about his height, only you, but for what it's worth, you annoy her right back

it culminates one night during a drunken hookup after you've shouted insults into each others faces. tara won't admit her anger is from seeing a random girl grind on you, and you won't admit you're annoyed that ethan and chad are obviously in love with her, and doing their best at flirting

you don't know who closes the distance first, but the next thing you know, you're messily pressing your mouths together and tara is climbing you like a damn tree, i mean, this is literally her

immediately after, you and tara try to pretend it didn't happen, and it lasts all of one week before she's jumping your bones again, only this time neither of you are drunk

you get together shortly after, but best believe the teasing doesn't stop. she'll still call you her little construction crane, and you'll smile with a faux sweetness and call her your little hobbit, until she smacks you on the arm

you're definitely a fiery couple, on both sides, but you do have your sweet moments

you give her piggyback rides because you're tall enough to do so, and she just happily wraps her arms around your neck and lets you carry her places. pretty much any time she gets tired enough (or even when she isn't really tired at all), she'll give you a cute pout and put her arms out, and you'll pick her up

tara loves to cuddle with you, but even then, sometimes you both squabble over the blanket, and she'll start complaining about how you hog the whole thing because of your height. it turns into a playful wrestling match, and while you have the obvious advantage and could flip her right around at any given moment, you let her climb on top of you and pin your arms above your head in a proud victory (which takes a lot of effort, considering how short she is)

of course, like all of your play-fights, it turns into something more

she doesn't like to talk about woodsboro, but she does find a comfort in how tall you are. it makes her feel a bit safer with you around, not that a couple inches would stop ghostface or anything

but she feels a genuine relaxation, when you can both be in bed together, and you're completely holding her in your arms, and it's not a thing she thought she'd feel again

you give her your jacket when she's cold, and she has to bunch the fabric around her elbows, or it'll absolutely swim on her. she always teases you about it, but the moment you jokingly threaten to take it back, she'll roll her eyes with a smile and tug it on with a kiss to your cheek

sometimes when you're cooking in the kitchen, she'll wrap her arms around your waist and let her head rest against the small of your back

you also help her when she's studying in the school library, by similarly grabbing books off the shelf for her

when she wants to rest her head on your shoulder, you still have to crane your neck down to let her. it's not super comfortable, but you still do it, because she looks adorable when she sleeps

she's figured out something seriously cruel. you complained about her feet being cold once, when you were snuggling, and ever since you mentioned it, tara realised she's the perfect height to press a cold foot right onto your back. she does it when she wants to start a play-fight, and it works like a charm every time

you're annoyed by it, but it definitely does make her laugh

lorraine day

your height is immediately what lorraine clocks onto, when she first sees you, because she's coming back from a shoot, getting dropped off by RJ, and she sees you in the distance, hopping a fence like it's no effort at all, when the same fence is a pain for lorraine to climb

you're the new ranch hand that her father hired while she was gone, and when she officially meets you, the both of you don't exactly get off on the right foot

you don't actually say much, which is something her father warned her of before you were introduced, but she at least expected some kind of "hello." instead, you just stare down at her from the shadow of your hat with a neutral nod, and then go off to get back to work. no giving her your name, no asking her any questions, no interest whatsoever

she doesn't know if she's more offended by your lack of manners or more upset you don't seem anywhere near as curious about her as she is about you

your height makes you ideal for most ranching activities though. you easily climb up and down from your horse and you're a speedy, fast rider.

when lorraine is on her shorter breed of horse, you're still as tall as her shoulders, and you help her get ready to go out on her horse with you and her father, even if it is wordlessly

she's only heard you speak a few times, and it's mostly been laughing with her father, which abruptly stops when lorraine gets close enough

after a rare bit of rain, lorraine's boots are slippery, and she slides out of the stirrup when dismounting way quicker than she was ready for. luckily, you're there to catch her, and she collides against you, pretty much right into your arms

unfortunately, you both fall back into a pile of horse shit, and the next thing she knows, she's hearing a nice, airy laughter coming from you. she's damn sure it's the first time she's seen you smile or laugh, and it's got her laughing too

she apologises, but you say "it's nothin," and you both kind of naturally grow closer from there

you help her up onto her horse, when she's without a saddle. you're tall enough to do so, and you hoist her up gently and set her on the animal's back with a small smile, and it kind of makes her heart beat real fast

it turns out the rough and tough cowboy exterior is a false image of you lorraine created in her mind. you're actually just a quiet, hot, tall, dork

you're feeding her horse a carrot or something, about to go out and do your job with lorraine eager to tag along, and she doesn't know what comes over her, but she leans down a little and plants a kiss right on your lips

she's the champion of sitting on stuff to reach your face: a fence, her horse, a hay bale. she likes being above you for once, and you're not complaining whatsoever

she tugs on the belt loop of your jeans when she wants you to lean down and kiss her. she also absolutely steals your baseball cap, and then to be funny, your cowboy boots, and she laughs about how big on her the cowboy boots are and clomps around in them

her family house has low ceilings, so it's kind of a pain to walk through, especially in your boots. for the most part, you live above the barn because of the higher ceilings, and sometimes (most nights) lorraine sneaks out to see you

she absolutely loves to sit on your shoulders. it's not especially comfortable for you, but you let her do it at the town events like fireworks and festivals and stuff. she sits on your shoulders for a "better view," and she'll rest her chin on top of your head

sorry to RJ, he's getting dumped the moment he comes back into town

cairo sweet

she doesn't even really realise you're tall at first, because she just sees you in your chair, on the second day of the new semester

you're new in town, a transfer kid and a cross country prodigy, with record times and future athletic scholarships up the wazoo, owed partially to being much taller than average. but the two most annoying things about you is that you can write, and you've read mr. miller's book

mr. miller seems rather pleased with having you in his class, and immediately it makes cairo hate you. her whole plan pretty much crumbles with you now in the way, and she absolutely loathes you for it

her new plan becomes to seduce you and distract you from school, and it works because you do harbour a giant, absolutely massive crush on her

your mother, who's also your coach, wants you to stay focused on athletics and not let cairo get in the way, but talking to her makes you melt, and when she finds you one day, in the locker room after everyone's left, you immediately cave when she sloppily kisses you and shoves her tongue into your mouth

your height is ideal for picking her up and pushing her back against the lockers, while her legs wrap around your waist

tree climber core again

she says it's just a scheme, but after you earnestly ask her out on a date and you both have a fantastic time, cairo's master plan goes out the window, and she just enjoys you for you

she goes to all of your meets, and she'll stand at the railing of the bleachers, and watch you with a smile (she's too fancy to cheer like a soccer mom out loud, but know she's really rooting for you on the inside)

you're like that one track couple at the olympics, if y'all have seen the clip. you finish your run in first place, qualifying for the state competition, and before anyone can congratulate you, you're running in cairo's direction, at the bleachers.

you're tall enough to the point that you just stand there on the ground, and cairo leans over the railing and kisses you, pulling away to cup your cheeks

your height is definitely a plus, in that when cairo is especially miffed at something mr. miller said or another student, after class, she'll grab your arm and wrap it around her shoulder

you barely fit on your twin-sized mattress, but cairo owns a king in her massive ass house, so it's a plus, whenever you go over to her place to "study"

just like with wednesday, when you're over at her house, you're the person who grabs her books off her shelf for her. she'll whisper a thanks and press a kiss to your cheek. sometimes she'll stand behind you and watch you grab a book off the shelf, just to see the stretch in your muscles and watch you move. she's just thinking "i'm no better than a man" while it happens

she love love loves to lay on top of you, on the sofa, when she's got a book to read. she'll just lay back against your chest, in your embrace, with a book in hand

she'll borrow your jacket, even though she complains it doesn't match her style, but it still swims on her

absolutely loves to be princess-carried to her bed when she falls asleep on the couch reading. she'll fall asleep because it's just too comfortable there, and you'll carry her up the stairs and tuck her in

she also grabs your collar and tugs you down to her for a kiss. either that, or she'll tug on your sleeve, which you now know is cairo saying she wants a kiss or a hug

[calisources]

𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒.

Sentences were taken from different sources of literature that depict dark romance, these include possessive language, jealousy, power trips, some kinks, innuendos. Some sentences are tamer than others, please use wisely. Change names, pronouns and locations as you see fit. This meme is not safe for all audiences, as it contains adult themes.

Cara is mine, and only mine.

You didn’t seem to be in any danger when you were being my good, little girl.

A crush? I had consumed at least three of that woman’s bodily fluids, as she had mine. 

I worship you.

Very, very bad girl.

So you admit it, I make you scream.

See, my sweet gift? I knew you’d f/cking come around.

My beautiful, sweet gift. I am forever lost in you.

Let me heal those wounds and soothe that ache.

I’m gonna fuck you now. It’s gonna be fast and hard because I’ve waited too long for this.

In this fucked up world of ours, we're meant for each other.

I may have broken you, but know that you've broken me just the same.

Let me free you of the constraints of virtue. Better yet, free yourself.

You're supposedly protected by god, but here you are fucking the devil.

Like this you are powerful. Learn what it is to command the attention of a god.

I need you to take me the way you want me.

I hope you never forget about me and that the thought of me haunts you for eternity.

I was born to be your god, born with the power to make you do what I want.

You've captivated my soul and breathe life into me.

No escaping. I told you I'd never let you go.

I am a poison that all of humanity must fear.

You  ruined me and I can’t be bothered about it.

I forgot how good you taste. 

Real men get their girls nice and ready first.

This girl. She’s living, walking art. And she’s mine.

Do you want me on my knees?

You’re a bad man and you do bad things. You will always do bad things. But not to me.

You are painfully beautiful, do you know that?

Every time you look at me, it feels as if you start a wildfire inside my heart

Such a perfect girl you are, put on this world just for me.

I have killed for you, baby. And I’ll never stop.

You forgot I was a siren.

I just wanted to keep you forever.

I have missed you for so long. And now you are in front of me, but you’re afraid to touch me.

 There can never be anything in the world that would hurt me more than when you left me.

I don’t know if I want to cry or if I want to scream or if I want to fucking kiss you.

Christ, I wish you could see yourself. You look otherworldly.

I used to smell your dirty shirts when you weren’t looking.

In order for me to fuck you, I’m going to need you to be healed first.

 How I’ve missed that filthy mouth.

What else did I teach you?

You taught me how to be a good girl for you.

How to let you ravage me so badly that I feel like I’m on the brink of death.

I'm a simple man who's been reduced to his base instincts to hunt, capture, keep.

If she is my devil, then I will gladly burn.

If you don’t protect what belongs to you, then sooner or later, it belongs to someone else.

The power he holds over me―

You like to be owned by me? Knowing that I will kill anyone that ever tries to steal you away?

You want passion. A love that completely devours every inch of you. 

I know that you long for a little danger, too. I saw how you thrived on it.

It only hurts because I want you so much.

 if you could see yourself through my eyes, you’d know why I chose you. 

You taste like sin.

You're doing so good, Handsome.

No one touches what's mine.

And you are mine. Whether you agree is irrelevant.

I caught you, so now I get to ravish you.

Let’s do something about that mouth of yours, hm?

Be my woman, Ana. Allow me to call myself yours.

I want you to know that you can’t hide from me.

Play nicely, little lamb. Or else, I won’t.

I will do with you as I please.

Show me how much you want me.

You haven’t been getting what you need, have you?

Would it make you feel better if I call you Daddy while you fuck me?

You’ll never know when I’m going to drag you into the darkness.

I’m rough with your body sometimes, but I’ll always be gentle with your soul. 

Fucking hell, you’re sweet. You’re so goddamn sweet.

The flesh wants what it wants.

If you continue to behave like this, I'll actually start to believe you don't hate me.

Desire becomes surrender. Surrender becomes Power.

And I will break you. I will make it so you can't breathe without me. 

What happened to the thrill of the chase?

I just like the way wrong feels.

I swear I won't touch you even with a finger until you ask me yourself.

I need to hear a yes, sir.

[icarusredwings]

I don't know if kurt's baby bamfs can eat or not, but im thinking about what would happen if Logan found out they did, and suddenly, a LOT of things about him make sense.

He noticed that the first day or so here, he practically scarfed down anything he could find but also took some extra with him. He figured that he just got hungry in the middle of the night or it was normal food truama.

Look, Logan has been in the trenches. He's experienced imprisonment, starvation, and understands fully about resource gaurding food(something that he's gotten a lot better about since living with the professor because the table is never empty here) so he shrugs it off at first and sometimes offers him a little extra.

Well, it's not until he follows him (ninja shit he probably learned in Japan) and sees him feeding them, shushing them, telling them to be quiet and eat that Logans chest hurts.

Suddenly, it makes sense why he was starving in the circus, why he was so quick not to waste any food, and to immediately own up to any leftovers. Why countless time's hes taken a whole plate of food to his room only to come back a few minutes later. He remembered telling him that eating that quickly would only make it worse, and now it made sense why he was confused about it when mentioned.

It made sense why he could hear him talking or reading passages to "himself" and why sometimes he would frantically look around the mansion as if he's lost something.

"...You gave them the only food you had.."

At first, Kurts is a bit surprised but quickly calms down because, let's face it. You can't hide anything from Logan. He could smell the lies, smell his baby Bamfs from miles away.

"Mary Magdalene fed her dear son before herself, even if it meant her hunger would go on, no?"

"I suppose... Hey uhm... Kurt. You know you don't have to sneak food up here, right?"

"I don't want to take too much..."

"You won't. You're too kind for that. Just... stop taking too little.. okay? Mary who ever-"

"Mary Magdalene."

"Yeah yeah what ever. She lived in the dawn ages. This is a mansion bub. Eat until you can't anymore. And if anyone gives you shit for it, you tell them I got 6 reasons to let you. Got it?"

He clamps a hand on his shoulder only to be hugged, his tail flickering with delight. "Thank you mien freund... You are much kinder then you wish to let be known."

"Uh-huh. What ever.... just..." he goes to remember the last time someone called him this and smirks, feeling ironic as he puts a dinner roll into his hand. "..Last time someone called me that I was the one being given bread.."

"Perhaps it made you kind."

"The bread??"

"Ha! Nein. The kindess of another. It is most contagious you know."

Logan just grunts but by the end of the night, he's on the couch with a half empty beer and a full, extended stomach kurt curled up next to him, purring and dreaming of his new found life with endless possibilities.

He was told by the Professor that he would make friends. But no one ever suspected it to be the Wolverine..

Though Kurt would have it no other way.

[valerie-is-in-the-cupboard]

Out of Darkness - Chapter Five: Promises - Alastor x human!fem!reader

Hello~~ You wouldn't believe how difficult this chapter was to write. Initially, I had a completely different idea, wrote it down entirely, but scrapped it because I didn't like it. Then, I almost finished this chapter when I learned an important lesson about saving your work while writing on the phone… So, I hope it turned out at least acceptable. If you find Alastor a bit off and don't enjoy it, please let me know. Sometimes I might write him in a better light, I guess haha. Enjoy reading, loves <3Go to the table of contents.

Words: ~4080 TW: swearing, angst with happy ending

(Y/n) was walking back home, the empty streets covered by the dark of the night, making her almost run to the safety of her house. She held her phone to her ear, listening to portions of Brenda's stories about her day, still aware of her surroundings.

"Anyway, she's a bitch..." Brenda ended the long story about one of her coworkers who keeps hitting on her boyfriend. "You listening?"

(y/n) snapped out of her trance, realising that her mind was wandering off indeed, and it wasn't only because of her fear of getting kidnapped. "Yeah, I just... I try to be aware of what's happening around me, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that. But you know what would've been great? If your boyfriend would've picked you up from David's, not let you wander off alone, especially knowing that you're uncomfortable doing so." a slight annoyance was present in Brenda's voice. (Y/n) sighed. It wasn't the first time Brenda or David warned her about Alastor.

"He's not my boyfriend, Bren."

"Oh, yeah. Because you've been taking it slow for the past few days. Too slow."

"And what's so wrong about it?" (y/n) said back, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

"Oh, no, girl, don't take me wrong. It is great to take it slow. But not when you're the only one who seems to try." (Y/n) raised an eyebrow at her statement, not understanding what she meant.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on! He doesn't call, he doesn't show up at your door, he doesn't ask you on dates. It's like... He's not even trying to take it slow at this point, he just straight up tries to ignore you, but you always come back."

(Y/n) froze for a bit, thinking about her words. As much as she wanted to say the girl was wrong... she wasn't. Alastor never reached out to her, but he never declined her offers either.

"Ok, but then why did he never reject me?" (y/n) asked, mostly trying to convince herself that Brenda was wrong. "He could've just said no."

"Girl, you saved his life. He probably feels guilty to turn you down, but goddamit, you need to stop!" Brenda sighed, trying not to hurt her friend. She was never the sensitive type, but she has always been straightforward when helping a friend. For this reason, (y/n) always appreciated her. "I don't want to seem a bitch, but I'm saying this for you... I hope I'm wrong because I can tell you really like him, but you should stop being so clingy."

"So what should I do?" (y/n) asked as she entered her apartment.

"First, stop calling him. No calls, no texts, no asking out, nothing." Brenda told her, her voice demanding and confident. "Second, if he does in the end reach to you, you do not answer. Not immediately, at least. Maybe wait a few hours... or better - days. And obviously, it also depends on the reason he's calling. What do you do if he asks you on a date in the park?"

"I say yes?" (y/n) asked, curious if she was right or wrong.

"Wrong!" Brenda cut her off before she could even finish. "You say 'I don't know yet. I'll let you know later.'"

(y/n) chuckled at how silly this conversation seemed.

"Don't laugh! Now, on the other hand, if, after all these days of not doing anything, he asks you to lend him 20 dollars, what do you do?"

"I say I'm not in town?"

"Bravo!" Brenda said proudly. "You need to keep him on his toes. Or else, he will think you're a little puppy who's willing to do everything."

"I see, Bren. Thank you. I need to go. We talk later?"

"Sure. Oh, and (y/n)?" Brenda started, (y/n) humming in response. "I know things between you and Mark didn't work out and it altered your brain, making you see things differently than the rest of the world..." (y/n) smiled softly, a hint of sadness in her eyes. "But you're wonderful. And you deserve someone who cares about you. So don't settle for less just because. Trust me, been there." the girl said softly, a side of her that didn't always come to light.

"Thank you... Means a lot. I love you!" (y/n) said and hung up, sitting down on the couch. Her eyes got a bit watery as she thought about what Brenda said. She was right. She threw herself at Alastor, without thinking.

So, she didn't call him and just waited. A day passed, then two, then five and, eventually, a week. There was no sign of Alastor. Not a single text or call. Nothing.

"Nothing?" a text message from Brenda appeared on (y/n)'s phone. She grabbed the phone, her eyes puffy after she's been crying the whole day. She's acted like a fool, giving him everything he needed and now he left her like an old carpet.

"no" she hesitantly texted Brenda, who answered back almost instantly.

"Well, fuck him. Wanna talk?"

(Y/n) didn't want to talk. She wanted to go see him, scream at him, telling him he was a dick. But she had to stay home and move on. They weren't even dating, so why did she care so much?

"gotta clean the apartment. We'll talk later." (y/n) answered and got up. She wasn't exactly lying. The apartment was a mess and she had to do something that would take her mind off this entire thing.

She cursed the day he showed up at her doorstep. She didn't even want to help him at first...

She didn't tell Alastor the whole story of their meeting. Yes, she wanted to do something good, but it's no one's first choice to bring a stranger into their apartment so late at night, especially if they're a woman living alone.

Truth was she came back from work at around nine, finding him there. Drunk people looking for warmth in apartment buildings were nothing uncommon around there, so the police didn't always interfere, simply saying "They will wake up and leave".

She started knocking on the doors of the neighbours that she knew, not wanting to disturb the entire building with her problems. No one answered, making her believe they were either at work or asleep since some of them were old people.

So she called David and waited outside for anyone to come so she could ask for help. No one. Not a single person showed up. She stood there for one hour and no one appeared in sight. Eventually, freezing and knowing that it would take another hour for David to come, she returned to her door, seeing the passed man still in the same position.

Something that night made her do it. Something begged her to let him inside. Maybe it was her consciousness, telling her that if the man died, it would be her fault, or maybe it was just a moment of recklessness... but she brought him in, covering him with a blanket and turning the temperature extra-high just so he wouldn't die. And look where that brought her...

She wanted to cry, not only because of him but because of her too. She was an idiot. She should've kicked him out as soon as he woke up. Why did she care? If he died, she would've never found out anyway.

And she did think about it. That night, the night before and many nights after. Why did she care if he died? Maybe because most of the time that's how human nature worked. It makes us feel sympathy for others. Or maybe because she would constantly ask herself why the man at the club cared. He could've pretended he didn't see anything or take her home and do something worse. But he didn't. He helped her and asked for nothing in return. They didn't even knew each other's names.

Her thoughts were interrupted when her eyes fell on the little music box Alastor gifted her in the past days - they were walking in the park, passing by a lady selling some old decorative stuff. She could tell he liked it the moment he heard the enchanting, soft music, seeing the little ballerina elegantly spin until the song would stop.

She didn't have money on her that day but planned on buying it for him. But despite her plan, he was the one who gave it to her. She looked at him, her eyes wide. "But... I thought you liked it. Why are you giving it to me?" she had asked him. He smiled at her.

"Yes, dear. I liked it. It is very beautiful and unique. That's why I wanted you to have it."

Tears flooded her eyes and without thinking she got dressed and stormed out of the door. She was angry and she needed explanations. She wasn't gonna sit there crying while he was probably out there partying and sleeping around in the apartment she'd found him with the money from a job she helped him get. Adrenaline fueled her veins, her brain only concentrated on what she was going to tell him. She didn't care that it was cold anymore, she didn't care it was so late at night either.

All of her frustrations rushed to her. She was thinking about how she didn't say anything when she found Mark with her friend having sex, how she didn't get to see the faces of those men at the club when the police took them into custody... Without her will, she needed to take it out.

(Y/n) arrived way too quickly to his place, stopping in front of the door. For a moment, she just stood there, contemplating on what she should do. She took a deep breath and knocked a few times, but no answer. Without thinking, she tried on the doorknob, realising the door was opened. As the door slowly opened with a loud creaking noise, strong smell of paint and stale air engulfed her, almost forcing a choke out of her.

She cautiously entered, a dim light coming out from the room. Upon entering, she froze in the doorway, the scene in front of her seemingly ripped out of a murder documentary. A few candles were lit and the floor was full of paint coming out of a knocked can. There were many broken glass pieces and fallen books or objects. And on top of this scene, there was Alastor, casually sitting on the couch, a glass of whiskey in his hand. He looked away from her, almost as if she wasn't there in the first place.

"Alastor...?" she hesitated, a bit taken aback, her courage long gone. She looked for a moment behind her, making sure she left the door open just in case. The atmosphere felt so heavy, almost as if she was in a horror movie. "What happened?" she asked, stepping a bit closer, waiting for his reaction.

"I tripped and fell." He said after a short pause that actually felt much longer. (Y/n)'s anger came back, clearly seeing through his lies.

"You think I'm an idiot?" she asked, saying it a bit more aggressive than she would've liked. Alastor chuckled at her question, drinking the remains of the whiskey in one sip. He looked up at her

"No, dear, I don't think that," he said and his gaze turned away from her again. "But you're quite the gullible one, aren't you?"

Alastor said the last part mostly to himself, not really meaning for her to hear it, but she did. (Y/n)'s eyes watered at his words.

"You are such a dick..." she said through her teeth and walked towards the door.

Alastor's eyes widened slightly at her tone. He hadn't expected her to confront him like this.

"Wait!" he called out. His voice was a little louder than before, a hint of panic in it. (Y/n) stopped, despite her better judgment, waiting for him to say something. Anything.

Alastor took a deep breath, his eyes fixed on her back. For some reason, the thought of her walking away and never coming back made his heart clench in his chest.

He stood up from the couch, taking a few steps closer to her. "Please... don't leave," he said, his voice low and soft.

She slowly turned to face him. He looked changed. His once tidied-up and always-on-point appearance was now dishevelled. His hair was a mess, greasy strands covering his forehead and his clothes were dirty, full of dry paint.

"Why wouldn't I? Do you need anything else? A bigger house? Maybe a car?" she said, sarcasm filling her tone. "But don't you worry! I will give them to you so you can dismiss me again, right?"

Alastor flinched at her words, the sarcasm in her tone hitting him like a dagger. He clenched his jaw, his usually calm demeanour faltering for a moment. "You don't understand..." he said, the words coming out sharper than he intended.

(Y/n)'s anger and boldness grew with every second. "No, Alastor, I don't!" she spat the words at him. "I don't understand why, after everything I did, you couldn't at least call to tell me to leave you the fuck alone it that's what you wanted. I think I deserved at least that!"

Alastor’s mask of composure slipped, his expression darkening. "I never asked you to do anything for me, did I?" he snapped, his voice now laced with irritation. "You decided to help me on your own."

He took a step closer to her, almost towering over her. "So don’t act like I owe you anything."

You know what?” She said, her voice low and serious. “You’re right.” She admitted to him, looking into his eyes, trying her best not to cry right there.

“I wish I kicked you out that night right after you woke up, Alastor.” She told him and stormed off the door, shutting it with force behind her. Alastor stood there, dumbfounded, as he watched her storm out.

The sound of the door slamming echoed through his empty apartment, leaving a heavy silence in its wake.

He leaned against the wall, his expression a mixture of anger and frustration. He knew he messed up, but his pride didn’t allow him to admit it, to go after her. He walked into his living room, the silence surrounding him like a suffocating fog, he heard her parting words echoing in his mind.

'I wish I kicked you out that night...'

He clenched his jaw, his fists balled up in irritation. He should have been the one saying this. He should’ve been the one to dismiss her. But somehow, the tables had turned and she had the upper hand. And it frustrated him to no end. She was the reason he didn’t leave in the first place and now she’s mad at him.

Alastor growled in annoyance. She had no right to be mad at him! It wasn't his fault. He didn't ask for her help, and he certainly didn't ask her to keep checking up on him.

He clenched his teeth, the rage in him now boiling over. "Unbelievable," he muttered under his breath, his eyes fixed on the door she had slammed shut. He should just let her go, forget about her. She was a mere human, after all. Alastor was not. He had much more important things to focus on.

But he found himself unable to do that. He was irritated, yes. But the thought of her being out there, alone and upset, sent a sense of unease creeping up his spine.

And so, he sent one of his shadows to follow her, roaming the earth to look for her. He paced the room, minutes feeling like hours, his uneasiness stopping slightly when the shadow returned.

"Well?" he asked, his voice betraying a note of impatience.

The shadow nodded, the confirmation Alastor was waiting for. He didn't say a word, but a small wave of relief washed over him.

"Take me to her," he said quietly. Alastor followed the shadow as it led him to the park they used to walk in. His steps were firm and confident, but his mind was swirling with a mix of emotions.

He saw her sitting on a bench, shoulders slumped, head bowed. She was crying. This sight sent a pang of guilt through him. He didn’t like it. Didn’t like that he was the cause of her crying.

Alastor approached her, a coil in his stomach forming with every step. She noticed him and quickly looked away, ignoring him as he sat down next to her. Her nose and cheeks were red from the cold and she was trembling, trying to keep her already pale hands at least a little bit warm.

"You're cold," he noted, his voice unusually soft. He wanted to scold her, maybe even reprimand her for storming out like that. But seeing her like this made him hesitate.

“I’m not.” She quickly said, still not looking at him

Alastor rolled his eyes at her childish reply. "Don't lie. I can hear your teeth chattering from here." he retorted, but there was no real bite to his words.

“Why do you care?” She asked, her voice barely audible.

Alastor frowned at her question, his irritation growing. "I don't." he lied, his voice sharp. He was not about to admit the truth of why he was here. How could he admit it when even he couldn’t understand? Why was he here to check on her, after he just ignored her? He was Alastor. Not some lovesick puppy. He turned his head away from her, the silence between them thick and uncomfortable.

“Then leave…” (y/n) eventually said. “I’ll be fine. David will pick me up.” She was in fact lying. She didn't want to call David. Not anyone for that matter. She wanted to be left alone.

Alastor clenched his jaw, his irritation growing as he knew she was bluffing and lying about the ride. He could read her like an open book.

"I don't care if David picks you up or not," he said, his voice harsh. "But I'm not leaving you out here all alone in this cold." (Y/n) got up, harshly looking at him.

“You know what? Do you want to be even? Fine!” She shouted. “You saved me from freezing to death! Thank you! Now we’re even! Now leave me the fuck alone!” Her eyes were red and swollen from the crying, tears still flooding them. She walked away, but Alastor quickly got up and grabbed her arm, his grip firm.

With a low growl, Alastor reached out and gripped her chin, forcing her to look at him. His eyes bored into hers, anger and... worry burning into them.

"You're coming with me," he stated firmly, his voice leaving no room for argument.

(Y/n) wanted to protest, but she didn’t. She wanted to pull back when he grabbed her hand, leading her away from the bench, but she didn’t. She was tired, cold, angry…

He stopped a cab and opened the door for her, following her inside.

As the cab rattled to life, Alastor silently looked at (y/n). He could see the exhaustion in her eyes, the anger still simmering just below the surface. The ride was quiet, the tension between them palpable. When they finally reached her place, he followed her up the stairs, his hand still gripping her arm firmly.

Alastor immediately let go of her as soon as they entered the apartment, the sudden lack of warm skin against his hand sending an unexpected jolt through him.

He looked around the apartment, his eyes taking in the familiar surroundings. Everything was just as he remembered it. Organized and tidy. Peaceful.

“I expect you to leave as soon as possible.” She coldly said to him as she took her shoes off, keeping her gaze away from him.

Alastor bristled at her cold tone and the way she avoided his gaze. He had half a mind to just turn around and leave without a word, but something kept him there.

"You really want me to leave?" he asked, his voice betraying a hint of vulnerability he didn’t mean to show.

She sighed, tears refusing to come out anymore, but the feeling of wanting to cry was still there. “I am nothing to you, Alastor… why would I want you to stay?”

Alastor's heart clenched upon hearing her words. He wanted to deny it, tell her she was wrong. But he couldn’t. It was a fact he had reminded himself of countless times.

He was a selfish being. A demon. He didn’t have any room for a human in his life. Not even her.

But then, why was he here? Why was he so bothered by the thought of her crying? After a few moments of silence, Alastor finally spoke up, his voice quieter than before. "Sit down," he instructed her, making his way to the couch. She followed without protesting, hugging her knees to her chest as she sat down.

Seeing her like this made Alastor's heart skip a beat. She seemed so small and vulnerable. He looked away from her. He could feel her eyes on him, waiting for him to speak. He hated the silence, the tension. He wanted to say something, anything. But words eluded him.

What was he supposed to say anyway? Sorry? Sorry for dismissing her? For ignoring her? For treating her like a nuisance, a burden even though she has only ever helped him?

(Y/n) sighed, getting ready to get up, knowing that this would lead them nowhere.

"I'm not good with emotions and feelings," he finally said, his voice coming out soft and quiet, making her stop in her tracks. He didn’t look at her, his gaze fixed on the floor. "I've never been good at them. I don't know how to deal with them. I don't know how to deal with you..."

(Y/n) raised an eyebrow at his words. As much as she hated it, she still… felt some sympathy for him. She was hoping he’d say something awful, just so she would not be able to forgive him, just so she would have a reason to kick him out.

“With… me?” She asked.

Alastor sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "Yes, you," he confirmed, his voice growing taut with irritation.

He hated this. Hated this feeling of vulnerability, of being open and honest about his emotions. It was so unlike him.

"You're different." he continued, finally looking at her. "You always have been. You make me…" he trailed off, the words getting caught in his throat. He wanted to tell her she made him feel things he had never felt before. That she was unlike anyone he had ever met. That she had somehow weaselled her way into his heart, making it beat in a way it hadn’t in a very long time. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. The words were there, at the tip of his tongue, but they died before he could say them out loud.

He felt her warm hand suddenly resting on him, his whole body almost burning at the sensation. He pulled it away as a reflex, making her do the same.

"Sorry... I'm not used to... being touched so suddenly like this," he said, his voice so quiet. He looked at her, a pink blush spreading on her cheeks as she fidgeted her fingers. He noticed that at her. Whenever she was anxious she would do this. Slowly, he reached back for her hand, her eyes widening at the interaction.

"I'm sorry... I..." he started, not really finding the words. "I really don't want to make you suffer." he squeezed her hand slightly.

"You keep saying this, Al... But I don't get it... Hurt me how?" she asked him. He sighed, caressing the skin with his thumb.

"I can't open up, (y/n)... I was not used to this kind of things... My father..." he stopped, pinching the bridge of his nose. What was he doing...?

She squeezed back his hand. "Alastor... If you want this... I am willing to wait."

He looked at her, a genuine look on her face. He knew she didn't understand... He knew she would never understand but... Alastor also knew there was no way he could leave, not now.

His instincts acted in a weird way around her. He felt the need to protect her, to be with her.

"I do..."

Tags: @silence-burns, @ratsematary

Go to next chapter

[drchucktingle]

mr. dr. chuck, i'm a few months ago i told a doc of mine that i believe i'm on the spectrum (after yeeeears of considering all the reasons why i thought so) and she agreed with me. then i came to some conclusions about members of my family. then i started melting down and haven't really recovered.

i'm in my 30's, but my life feels like it's been the mistake-addled 24th year for over a decade. people, choices, wants, they feel like things that were silly blips and not of much substance. i'm tired and my body hurts, so it feels harder to get to things i need. doctors don't seem like they can be trusted because of all the other ways i show up in the world.

i'm worried about my life and my future, and it feels like my magic is gone (or that i can't touch it right now). do you have any words of wisdom for someone who found out this really big thing about themselves kind of late?

thank you.

hello buckaroo thank you for writing. first of all i will say MOST IMPORTANT thing to remember is that it is okay and valid to FEEL the way that you feel. your reaction to this news or any news really is not wrong. that does not mean you cant wish for another reaction or WORK TOWARDS another reaction, but in grand cosmic sense this is just your way. YOUR TROT IS VALID and we all have our own unique way. sometimes that path is an easy path with sunny days and smiles and a glorious view, and sometimes it is through the darkness of shadows or crawling through the old bog. we can PREFER one path over the other, but neither is WRONG.

when giving advice old chuck tries to not PROJECT what i think YOU should do because that is not really the point. this is your trot to trot and i do not think it is my place to act like some authority of your way. what chuck can do is tell you MY story of diagnosis and how it made ME feel and maybe you can take little pieces of that for yourself.

chuck learned of way on autism spectrum when i was in early twenties by doctor who said 'yes this is your way'. when i learned of my spectrum way my reaction was: wow this is very very cool i am so lucky because all of my heroes are autistic and now i am in this RADICAL CLUB. we are special and unique and DANG what a treat wish i could have a membership card in my wallet to show all my buds.

now obviously this is not everyones reaction, but as starting off point i wonder what it would have meant to my future if the news would have HIT ME IN A BAD WAY. if i would have felt let a dang robot alien who didnt belong. maybe id be swimmin through the bog ever since.

thing is I LIKE ROBOT ALIENS they are very cool. doctor did not MAKE me different, i was different already, our talks just popped a nice little name on it for me to take or leave. i took the name proudly because DATA from stars trek (certified robot alien) is exactly how i already felt and dang what a cool character and dang what a great life. so was DAVID BYRNE. so was every cool buckaroo artist that i liked. cowboys are OUTSIDER HEROES and that is how my autism makes me feel.

so like i said, i do not know about YOUR way, but MY WAY of hearing this news was heaps of joy and excitement. i will also say that it is very DIFFICULT to find this reaction later if your first leap is feeling in a sad way about it. so maybe if you want to trot back in your mind to those first few steps it would be helpful. maybe mentally trot to where you were pushed off a dang cliff and think "well was i pushed off a cliff or was i just told 'hey bud youve been floating this whole time?"'

because if youve been floating then DANG thats a lot of power. thats not falling. you can float up, you can float down, you can float side to side.

the next thing i will say AS AND ARTIST is that years of toiling and feeling aimless are NEVER actually aimless when it comes to creation. and to LIVE in a human body is to be an artist, because you are CONSTANTLY CREATING the future. when i am writing and i dont have an idea for my next book that can be frustrating, but it is also PART of the process. if i walk to the store to rustle up my mind, or wander around the park, or spend a whole WEEK feeling weird because of writers block THAT IS ALL PART OF MAKING GREAT ART. that is not wasted time. in other words, your years of toiling are not wasted time, that is just the process we all have when we are creating a future masterpiece.

[impala-dreamer]

Meet Me At The Beach

A Supernatural Story

~ Texting and emails can feel so impersonal. There's nothing quite like exchanging tangible, handwritten letters with someone you love...~

Dean Winchester x F!Reader, Sam Winchester

4,025 Words

Warnings: Bittersweet Angst. SFW. 

A/N: This is for @jacklesversebingo "Writing Letters To Each Other" was the prompt. I hope you enjoy...

June 2

Dear Dean, 

This feels so weird. Do people really write letters anymore? Am I going to get strange looks at the post office when I go to buy a stamp? Will they even know what to do with this tiny envelope and folded piece of loose-leaf paper? I almost don’t know how to write anymore. My script looks kinda like chicken scratch, huh? Hopefully it’ll get better. It is weird not typing though. But emails just seem like work. Impersonal, ya know? Besides, it gives us something to look forward to when we hit the mailbox. Nice to open something that’s not a delinquent credit card bill, huh? 

Speaking of which- how the fuck do you do it? I just got another card canceled. My credit is non-existent. Fuck, I need to get a job. Could you imagine me in an office? High heels and panty hose and my hair tucked into a neat, matronly bun? I shudder to think! 

OK, this is weird. I just wanted to write “LOL” but it’s not an email. Or a text. Why are we doing this again? Oh, yeah, see above. 

Anyhoo- - - - I don’t even know what to say! Umm… I’m in New Orleans for a bit. Not working, just hanging out. My friend Emily from high school tracked me down online and we’ve been chatty. She’s in a band. They’re not bad. Not great, but not bad. So yeah, I took a drive down to see a show and I’m just lingering. Drinking too much, sleeping past noon. It’s fun. Nice little vacation. 

Which - ahem - you should be taking. When are you gonna get your ass out of that dusty old bunker and stick your toes in the sand? I already told you I’d meet you in Pensacola with sunscreen and a cooler of beer. You know you want to. Or are you just scared to show off your ugly toes in flip flops? Your boots might actually cry if you ever took them off, so I guess it’s just as well. 

Hey, do you remember that night in Richmond when it started pouring and your boots sank into the mud puddle? God, that was a mess. We were soaked to the bone. Nice way to warm up, though - cuddled in the back of the Impala. I miss that car. Sometimes, I think I can hear it at night when the world is quiet and the wind is still. It’s like the engine roars in the back of my mind and I start thinking about all our adventures, all the time we spent driving into the sunset. 

I miss you. Is that wrong? I probably shouldn’t. Or at least, I shouldn’t tell you that I do. But I do. I miss you so bad sometimes that it hurts. Like someone has punched me right in the chest. Maybe we can end up in the same town soon. Grab some tacos and sit on the hood. Make a mess. I’d like that. 

OK, before I get too emotional and start asking you to run away with me, I think I’ll end this ranting scribble of horrid handwriting. 

Write me back soon.

Love, Y/N

June 21 

Y/N- 

Your handwriting does not look like chicken scratch. I like it. Mine is like some toddler just learning his letters. Whatever. I never learned that fancy shit. I can sign my name and make a grocery list. That’s all I need. 

This is weird, yeah. But it’s kinda nice. Feels more… like you’re here. Does that make sense? Like seeing your handwriting, the dents in the paper- I don’t know. Just feels more real. Like you’re not just some computer talking back at me. Also there’s something strange about answering questions weeks later. I meant to write this sooner, but I got a little distracted. There was a Kung Fu marathon on and I just lost track of time. Too much pizza, not enough Carradine. Ya know? You know. 

Remember that horrible motel in Raleigh when we both caught that nasty stomach bug and stayed up all night watching old tv shows? Saltines and Little House. I’ll never forget it. You were so sick that day. Shit, I was sure I was gonna end up taking you to the hospital. Sure, I was puking too, but you looked like death. I hated that. Hated that I couldn’t help you, make you feel better. I did cook up a mean chicken noodle soup though, didn’t I? Not that it stayed down for long. 

Thank god for that yellow Gatorade. And yes- it’s fucking yellow. Not green. 

Anyway- I miss you too. I try not to, I really do. Not all the time, no offense, but sometimes I’m just fucking insane with shit going on. But at night, especially, I miss having you beside me. I miss rolling over and seeing you there, or hearing you snore. I miss feeling your freezing feet under the blanket. I don’t know, I just- 

What can I say? I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. I’m the biggest piece of shit in the universe. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. 

Can’t change the past. Just gotta move on. 

Maybe someday you’ll forgive me. I hope so anyway. 

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t dump that all out in a letter. I almost ripped this all up and started over. I actually let it sit for a day before I came back to it. But, fuck it- we said we were gonna write to each other and be honest, and here I am, being honest. 

Fuck, I’m so tired. That kinda tired when sleeping for ten days wouldn’t even put a dent in it. Yeah, OK, so things are getting a little better. Chuck’s gone for good this time. Jack’s got things back in place, even made a few improvements. Sam’s- well, he’s Sam. He’s fine, doing his thing. The dog is- did I tell you we have a dog now? Yeah, I know. Me and a dog- yeah right. But we do. Miracle. He’s a good boy. I’ll send you a picture soon. 

Never thought I could slow down like this. Feels like for the first time we can just - work. I mean, I’m never gonna give up hunting, not totally, but- feels like I could just ease back a bit. Been looking at some jobs in town- nothing crazy, fixing engines and stuff like that. Don’t know if you remember, but I’m pretty good with my hands. 

Did you blush? 

You did. 

OK. I guess- that’s it for now. I have no fucking idea how to end this so - bye?

~ Dean

P.S.  I’ll meet you at the beach soon. I promise.

Fifteenth of July 

To Whom It May Concern:

Re: Beach Vacation

Dear Mr. Winchester, 

I am very pleased to hear that you are agreeable to meeting me at the beach. It should be delightful fun to run through the surf and hunt for sea glass with you.

Oh shit! Do you remember that new age shop in… where the fuck was that? With the sea glass necklaces in the window that I said were so pretty and the witch inside said they were blessed to give the wearer riches or some shit like that. Where was that? Who knows.

Feels like we’ve been all over the world together. Well, this country at least. Lord knows I could never get you on an airplane. If only you could drive to Paris. Did I ever tell you about my trip to France? God, it was beautiful. Rained the whole time, but it was this beautiful, warm spring rain that made everything smell like dust and petals. Not rose petals, but those little white ones that grow on trees, ya know? It was so beautiful. Fuck it. I’m taking you one day. You need to see more than the dash of your car and the backroads of America. Time to travel!

Speaking of- I’m glad you’re slowing down a bit. I know that won’t be easy for you but if you think about it, you’ve spent the last forty years running from problem to problem like a damned bomb-sniffing dog. 

A DOG?! Dean Winchester, I never thought the day would come. I can’t wait to see a picture. Don’t forget it next time. 

I think you’d be a great mechanic. It was always very hot seeing you covered in sweat and grease especially if you had those damned coveralls on. I mean… what? I don’t think about you like that anymore, you know. It’s over and done with and we’re just friends. We are friends, aren’t we? Maybe something more than friends, I guess. Ex lovers? Ew. I hate that word. Lovers. So gross. Well, then what are we? Just two souls swimming in a fish bowl…

Year after year. Day after day. Do you know that I put nearly a hundred thousand miles on my poor truck this year? Back and forth, up and down the country. I don’t have to tell you how exhausting it is. Fun, but exhausting. Rewarding, but not. I wonder how many people remember me after I leave? Does that family in New Haven think about me whenever they go into the basement and it’s no longer haunted? Is there a photo of me on a fridge in Wilmington where I saved that guy’s fiance from the vamp nest? Probably not. I’m sure people remember you - The Great Dean Winchester. The sexy hunter with the green eyes and the giant black car. You’re hard to forget. Also, you hang out with a giant. Tell Sam I said hi. 

I do remember that puke fest! And it’s green. It’s literally neon green. Fight me. 

We could probably write a book, you and me. ‘Winchester & Y/L/N Do America’. It’s a coffee table book with pictures of random diner signs and gas station bathrooms. Maybe a list of the country’s best french fry places. Shit like that. Let’s do it. I’ll call my literary agent in the morning. Ha!

SPARTA!! That’s where that damned sea glass shop was. It just hit me! Stupid brain. I swear, I’ve been hit in the head way too many times. Broken too many bones. I’m getting too old for this shit. Did you know that my left knee pops whenever I stand up now? Like, how old am I?? I can’t stand it. I need a month at a spa somewhere in the desert. That’d be nice. 

Damnit. I just got a call from Vinnie Alverez. Do you know him? Hunter out of Pittsburg. Anyway- he needs help on a job. Guess I’ll cut this letter short. Hopefully I’ll find a box to drop this in on the way to PA! 

Miss you. 

Sincerely yours, 

Y/N

P.S. - I do forgive you, Dean. Of course I do. Things were just too hard back then. Life didn’t want to cooperate for us. It’s not your fault. Not my fault. It just was. Please don’t carry that guilt in your heart. You deserve better than that. 

August 2

Dear Y/N- 

You’re a real character, you know that? Love the corporate letter. I’m in for the book by the way. Could be awesome. We do need a full chapter on onion rings though. Make a note. 

I heard about your hunt in Pittsburgh. Came through the grapevine that you kicked some serious wolf ass. Nice job, kid. Hope you’re being careful. I know how bullheaded and impulsive you can get when you’re in the zone. Just watch your back, OK? Promise me. Last thing I wanna hear is that you got your heart clawed out or you’re walking around with a demon in your ass. 

Demons. Haven’t seen so many running around lately. Queen Rowena’s been keeping them in check. So fucking weird that she’s in charge now. Not that I’m surprised- she’s a badass bitch. If I had a nickel for every ruler of hell I was friends with, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice. The kids still say that, don’t they? See, I’m not old. I keep up with pop culture and shit. Started watching the tik toks. I still don’t get it, but I like the woodturning stuff. Thinking about taking up whittling. Maybe carve you a keychain so you stop losing them. 

I got a call for a job interview. Chickened out though. I don’t know if I’m ready to start all that, ya know? Start a real life in the real world- just seems- I don’t know, scary. Yeah, I’ve faced every deadly thing on this and other worlds but the idea of getting a 9 to 5 civilian job scares me. I’m some kinda fucked up, huh? 

I think about it a lot though. Getting a job, finding a little house somewhere, settling down. A little fenced in yard so Miracle can run around and dig up dirt. Might put a rocking chair on the porch and watch the clouds, some shit like that. Would you come visit me in my Barbie dream house? I’ll cook you breakfast every morning and you can rub my feet at night. Real cozy couple stuff. 

OK, so maybe I’m thinking about you more and more these days. Maybe I’m regretting leaving. Maybe I’m just an idiot daydreaming about meeting you somewhere in the middle and sweeping you off your feet. One of those running hugs that hurts when you collide but ends in a kiss that makes everything feel better. I’m a real romantic fuck, huh? I was digging through my drawers yesterday and I found a pair of your socks. Those tiny ones that barely covered your ankle. I don’t know why they were stuffed in the back of the dresser, but there they were. Dingy white socks with the pink threads on the toes. I’ll bring them to the beach when we meet up. 

Oh, Sam says hi and he hopes you’re good and he wants you to shoot him a text when you can. You can do what you want, but you better not mail him a letter. That’s just for me. God, my hand is cramping up. I’m not used to this. Oh, and you’re not alone. My knee creaks like a haunted house when I go up stairs now. And my right wrist pops, and my neck makes this weird almost squeaking sound, and my ass- well, I could go on, but just know you’re not alone. Kinda weird to think that we lived long enough to be this old, ain’t it? I never thought I’d live to be thirty and here I am staring down 42. Forty Fucking Two. Can you believe that shit? Goddamnit I got old. Let’s go find a nursing home together. Maybe we can get a double room- or a king sized bed?

Think about it. We could be cranky old people together. Losing our memories and shuffling around with walkers and shit. You’d look cute with white hair. And fuck, my beard’s already going gray. Should I grow out my beard? 

Write back soon. I really like seeing your letters in the box. 

Dean  x

My dearest Dean Winchester, it is with great happiness that I write this letter to you and I do hope that it finds you well and happy and all good things and I can’t keep this formal shit up. Ha!

Anyway- but yeah, things are good. I know it’s been a while since I’ve written, but I was on a little trip around the continent. Headed up to Montreal for a bit. Killed some nasties, salted some bones, generally fucked around. My beloved truck crapped out in Burlington, Vermont, so I had to hang out there for a while and gather my resources to get a new vehicle. I think you’d like her. Green Ford Explorer from ‘94. OK, she’s not as sexy as the Impala, but she gets me where I need to go. Which, apparently, was Maine! I met up with some friends in Greenville. Cute little town full of witchcraft. So much fun. Also had a lobster roll on a pier… I swear to god, they plucked this thing right out of the water and slapped it on a buttered roll. You’d LOVE it. I’m gonna take you there someday. 

Speaking of- We need to make plans for Florida. I picked up a little bikini on my travels and I think I really need to show it off. Maybe you could be my bodyguard and keep the creeps away while I’m sunbathing? To repay you for your services, I’ll gladly let you take it off me at night…

Oh, and I’ve thought about this extensively, and I believe that you should, in fact, grow your beard out. Like, full on, bushy lumberjack beard. I can’t wait to see all that gray. You know I have a thing for older men… and you’ll always be older than me, Dean Winchester and don’t you forget it!

And for your information, I don’t lose my keys anymore! I got one of those… apple taggy things. Now I know where they are at all times. Can’t find my phone to find them sometimes, but that’s another issue. 

Two weeks later, I’m picking up my pen again. Sorry this is taking forever. Things are stupid busy. I wish I could just… put this fucking gun down and go live with you on a farm somewhere. Not a working farm, we wouldn’t keep pigs or anything because gross, but a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. Big white house with a giant tree in the yard and a tire swing and a picket fence and a kid chasing the dog around and - 

Shit. Do you ever think about it? I do. A lot. More than I’d like to and it fucking cuts me up inside every time. I know we could never have kept it, and life- I mean- it just wasn’t meant to be. But I do think about it sometimes. Imagine if we’d just walked away from the life and tried to be a family? Impossible, I know. Maybe in another life. 

Shit, I’m sorry. Fuck. Ignore me. I haven’t slept in a while and I just

I want to see you. Can we meet somewhere? Wherever you want. I’ll come to you. 

~ Y/N 

Dear Dean, 

This is my second attempt at writing this. Crumpled up the first one because I’m an idiot. Am I an idiot? Did I piss you off with the last letter? I honestly didn’t mean to. I just- we said we’d be honest, and you’ve been so open in your letters that I thought it was ok to talk about, but I guess not. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have dug that stuff up. 

I’m so tired and stressed and I miss you so much. Since we’ve been writing back and forth it’s almost like I can’t stop thinking about you. I get so fucking excited to check the mail whenever I roll back into town. It’s like… I don’t know, it’s like Christmas every time I see your handwriting in my box. Remember the time you wrote your name on my thigh in Sharpie? That stayed on for like a week. I shoulda gotten it inked on. That’d be something, huh? Branded by a Winchester. 

Fuck, Dean, I really hope you’re not mad at me. I really want to call you, but we said we wouldn’t. Just write me back, please. 

I’ll be in your neck of the woods next week. Got turned onto a haunting up in Abilene. Maybe we can meet on the road somewhere? Please? 

Hey, did you know there’s a Hunter, Kansas? Wonder why they didn’t build the bunker there. I don’t know, made me laugh when I was looking at the map. 

Anyway- Please write me back. Or call. Or text. Or send a damned pigeon with a tiny letter taped to its foot. I don’t care, how, just do it please. Even if you’re mad at me and don’t want to talk anymore, I get it. But please. Just let me know, OK?

I’m sorry. 

Love, Y/N

Dear Y/N,

I didn’t know you and my brother were writing to each other like this, but I found your last few letters to him in his private P.O. Box. I didn’t even know he had one of his own, but I guess we all keep secrets from those we love. I hope you don’t mind that I read your letters. Not all of them, but the last two that came through. Please know that Dean would have responded if he could have, I know he would have. He talked about you a lot recently. Said you two were in contact and that he was hoping to find some time to meet you for a vacation. I don’t know where you guys were planning on going, but I found a new Hawiian shirt in his closet with the tags still on it. 

I know we spoke on the phone after he passed, but I wanted to send this to you. I was cleaning up his stuff and found his notepad. Looks like he’d started a letter before we left for Canton. I think he’d want you to have it. 

I’m closing up the Bunker soon. I don’t really know where I’ll go, but I can’t be here right now. Not without my brother. 

I’ll always be around if you need anything or want to talk. I’ll always answer the phone for you, Y/N. 

Be well,

Sam Winchester

Y/N/N, 

If I could take it back I would. Every fucking word. I think about it now and I know we made the wrong choice. I know we could have made it work if we tried. But we are both total fuck ups who can’t be normal. We just can’t. 

Forgive me

That’s dog slobber up there, not tears. Just fyi. Definitely not tears. I think I might have been a little drunk when I started writing and then well-

Anyway- Maine sounds awesome. We were there once but no time for lobster rolls. Guess I missed out. 

Not much to report since the last letter. Been kinda quiet here. But… I did apply for a job. Well, I filled out the application. Well, I started filling it out. It’s actually underneath this notepad right now. I’ll get to it. I will. I just need a good kick in the ass. Or maybe a pinch… wink wink

I absolutely think we need to get together. Pick some place stupid like the World’s Largest Frying Pan or South of The Border. I’ll meet you. Just say when. 

Guess this letter will take a little longer to finish. We’re leaving for Ohio in a little bit. There’s a buncha vampire dicks making a mess. Gonna take ‘em to batting practice. Show them my machete swing. I’ll give a full report when we’re back home

Dean Dean, 

I made it to the beach. It’s hot, like stupid hot. Had to stand in the water just to keep my toes from burning. I’ve been sitting here for hours trying to think of something to say, but all I can say is I love you. I miss you. I wish you were here with me. I wish things had been different. I wish and wish and wish. 

If I throw this into the ocean will it get to you somehow or will my words just wash away like the sand? 

I’ll see you again someday. I hope so, anyway. Let’s just pretend I’m destined for Heaven. I know you’re up there. You were too good not to be. You sacrificed so much, cared so much, saved so many people. I know you made it. If there’s any mercy in this universe, I’ll be up there someday too. Just don’t have too much fun without me. 

I love you, Dean. Always. 

Y/N

2024 Forever Tags (Always Open! Send an Ask!)

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[dollydaisies]

Can I pls request a BTS reaction? They have a crush on their friend who is not a celebrity, so they can't confess to her because of their reputation/job, but they are really close. One day someone from their company revealed a sensitive information about them. So, the members and the company accused her of it because they thought that she was only with them to become famous. They didn't believe her and also told her many hurtful things. But later it was revealed that it was not her but someone else and she was telling the truth. Later they try to reconcile with her and asks her to forgive them but it was too late. Can you please write it as angst?

If it's too specific for you, you don't have to write it. Thank you anyways ☺️☺️

my first ask! thank you so much for sending this! my bts skills may be a tad bit rusty, so i'm sorry if this isn't up to par with your expectations. im doing allll the research i can! some things may be changed up a bit, but i'm trying to stick to your prompt the best that i can!

summary: forbidden love hurts, and it sometimes builds up frustration inside you, which then turns into flipping out on the person you love nonsensically solely because you're overwhelmed. they had to learn to think before they act, and, now, they're suffering from the consequences of their actions.

characters: just to test the waters and see if you like what i'm doing, i am only doing kim namjoon. if you like this, i will continue with the other members i’m comfortable writing! please tell me if i did well or was a lil' off. i'll always take constructive criticism:)

kim namjoon never meant to hurt anyone, but he especially made sure that he would not hurt you. he cares about you so much, to the point where seeing you even slightly sad could mess up his whole day.

you're bts's songwriter and producer, but also their friend. when they make plans, they want to include you, always. even if they go to the beach for a run bts episode, they want YOU to be there after the cameras are off. of course, every single member of the group wants you to be around, but namjoon insists on it. you're his safe place, the person he confides in when times get hard--why wouldn't he want you there?

"are you sure you don't want to come with us on this tour?" namjoon looks at you with full passion in his eyes. he wants you to come with them, even if he won't directly say it. "you know that we will always want you to come with, right?"

that little "we" always gets you every time. sure, you know that it's true, and so does he, but that's not what you want to hear and that's not what he wants to say. you want to hear him say "i want you to come with," but it feels like he refuses to say it. he's only not saying it because it'll make his feelings too real, and he can't deal with the reality that you can never be his.

"ah, i know, joonie... but i need to work on the ideas you all gave me for this next album. it's the final one before you all go on hiatus, so i can't take a break," you respond, playing with your bowl of ramen without eating it. you're the only two in the kitchen, and it's quiet. "i'd love to go, but i just can't afford to right now. you know i'm short on money."

namjoon sighs, but nods. "i understand. it's just gonna be hard to be on tour without you."

you send him a sweet smile, then giggle softly. "you're such a baby, did you know that?"

"it's our little secret, keep it hush."

that wasn't the secret that destroyed everything you've built with him over the past decade, but it was more of a foreshadow. you felt excited at the idea of having a secret with him, but also dread--this is silly, though. you guys have thousands of secrets. you're best friends, and you always have been, so why is your gut telling you to fight or fly?

around a week later, dispatch reports on news that namjoon has never told a soul about--except for you. the moment his brain processes the information told to him by the higher-ups, he immediately gets up from his seat and marches to your usual spot that you linger in.

"get out."

"huh?"

your face is full of pure confusion, a bit like a deer in headlights. sure, you've had your arguments and fights before, but he has never been this harsh off the bat--hell, he was rarely ever truly harsh.

the way his eyes look at you with pure disgust, and the sarcastic laugh he lets out... it feels like you don't know who's standing in front of you. yeah, it's namjoon, but... it's also not.

"i knew you were desperate for money, y/n, but i didn't think you'd be this desperate. if i knew you were like this, i would've fired you sooner."

"namjoon, what the hell are you talking about?" you stand up from your seat, yelling at him a bit. it's obvious you aren't even mad, you're just a mix of confused, scared, and worried.

"you know what i'm talking about, y/n. hell, the rest of the world does as well, since you decided to go to dispatch about it."

he holds up his phone so you can look at the site he pulled up. you scrolled and scrolled in pure shock, confusion, and disgust. "i... namjoon, i did not rat you out to anyone. why would i?"

"people like you only care about money. figure it out, and get out of this dorm."

absolutely stunned, you walk to the door in complete silence, then turn around. he looks a bit lost in thought, then he finally sees you. you, whose eyes are full of tears; you, whose cheeks are red due to how panicked you got from him yelling; and you, who refused to yell at him back even when he disrespected you.

while he was so sure he was right, a pit in his stomach grew larger. he feels like he’s doing something bad, something wrong, and he doesn’t know why.

"i just want to say," you pause for a second, then continued. "if this is the real you, kim namjoon, maybe i should've been the one to expose you after all."

you slam the door.

months have passed, and you work at a local music store. sure, you write songs still, but they're not for anyone else except you. you refused to talk to all of them, talk about all of them, or even think about any of them. in your mind, bts disbanded the second he broke your heart, and your trust. truthfully, it’s unfair, as all the other members have texted you so many times and begged for a response, but you can’t think of them without thinking of him.

the store is completely empty, so you're scrolling through every single social media app you have downloaded brainlessly. the words you're reading are not completely processing in your head at all, they kinda just look like funky shapes.

one title, though, caught your attention.

"kim namjoon talks about trust, compassion, and friendship in recent SEVENTEEN interview."

your jaw clenches, and you slam your phone down. your tears are threatening to come out, but you refuse to let yourself still be hurt by him. he doesn't deserve your time, your tears, your anything. that's, at least, what you keep trying to convince yourself of, anyways.

the bell at the door rings, and you try to regain your composure. you

"welcome to good vibes, home to all of the--"

you freeze. you don't know what to do, what to say, or how to even move. are you supposed to say anything? it's not like he’s saying anything—hell, he has a mask over his face and a hood on his head, but you KNOW it’s him. now, he’s just staring at you blankly. you’re wearing a mask, so maybe there’s a chance—

“y/n,” namjoon softly says your name, and your heart pangs against your chest. it’s a mix of heartbreak, anxiety, and all the leftover love you have for him. “i was looking for you.”

you’re so nervous, you could burst into tears. you want to hop over your desk and run into his arms and tell him how much you miss him, but also how much you hate him for hurting you so much. why do you still love a man that said such unforgivable words?

“why?” your words were a bit breathy, and you began to chuckle a bit while shaking your head. “there’s nothing left to say—unless, y’know, you’re gonna tell me all i care about is money again because i have a job.”

“i’m sorry,” namjoon sighs, then walks to you. the desk separates you, but you wish you could fall into his arms. you keep your composure all the same, though.

“that day, i was so stressed. it felt as if so many things were happening at once, and to know that a secret that i only told you got out… i felt so much betrayal all at once, i didn’t want to hear you out. if i’m being completely vulnerable, i wanted to go cry,” he let out a small chuckle.

looking at you, your face was completely unreadable. it’s like you were thinking of so many things, but also of nothing at the same time. was he doing well? he doesn’t know. he’s just going with what he feels in his heart.

“in my heart, i knew i should’ve ran back to you and apologized; in my heart, i knew i should’ve heard every single word you said, because you would never lie to me,” namjoon balls his hands into a fists, then looks at you in the eyes, “so i’m sorry it took so long for me to realize that i was wrong.”

the store was tense, and all you could hear is the music playing so softly in the background as you stare at him. he’s trying to read your expression, to see if there’s any bit of leftover love in your eyes, but it just feels cold.

after a minute, you begin to laugh. it’s a full laughing attack, actually, and namjoon just stares. his heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach, because he’s not stupid—he knows this means he’s fucked up.

“what, did you think was a kdrama, namjoon? did you think i was going to hear that apology, jump into your arms, and say, ‘oppa, never hurt me ever again!’ or something?” you say these words while still laughing, and namjoon is still stunned. “what happened for you to come up here and say this to me? based on your new change in personality with… hating poor people and all, i can’t imagine you just woke up one day and did it.”

“we found who actually did it. it was our stylist, sooyoung.”

“so that’s what it took for you to finally realize i was innocent? instead of thinking back ro everything you said to me and how hurt i was, it took them finding out the real person behind the crime for you to realize i was telling the truth?”

you slam your hand on the desk, and your body is trembling. you’re on an adrenaline rush, but you’re also sad, scared, and angry. namjoon notices this and places his hand on yours, like he always used to.

“y/n, you’re shaking, please ca—“

“i don’t give a fuck, namjoon,” you yell, and namjoon is completely frozen. “i’ve known you since you were a trainee, and, yet, you still thought that i was some… freaky gold digger that would sell her friends out for money. do you know how much that hurts? to know that you think i have the potential to be like that?”

namjoon’s eyes begin to tear up, while your eyes have already overflown. your cheeks are entirely red, and you let out a choked sob. your head drops, and you let out a dry chuckle.

“for over a decade, i have been nothing but loyal and true to you; yet, it takes a full-blown investigation for you to realize how you did me wrong,” you then look up at him with no sympathy in your body. “it’s my turn to tell you to get out, namjoon. and, for your sake, never come back. i never want to see you again.”

he hesitates to walk away, and you’re staring at him, emotionless.

“what, are you deaf? get out.”

namjoon finally leaves, walking quickly towards his car, and you fall to your knees. you’re on the cold floor, shaking and crying, as you realize your life will never be the same ever again.

[reidingandwriting]

Lover (Steve Harrington’s Version)

Chapter Four: Daylight

“I once believed love would be black and white, but it’s golden”

Word Count: 3.4k

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Warnings: Fem!Reader, cursing, reader once again having bad parents, mentions of past death (Billy), takes place in s4 so Vecna is unfortunately a thing

A/N: This is my favorite of the chapters posted so far so I hope everyone enjoys :’)

Previous chapter / next chapter

Steve had tried so hard to keep you safe. Away from the strange monsters that had been plaguing his friend group, away from the creatures that had made themselves at home in Hawkins. During the fight with Billy, the Starcourt incident, anything to do with the Upside Down… he had tried to keep you away from it. You meant too much to him, he couldn’t risk your safety.

When you first learned about the Upside Down due to Billy, you were… conflicted. You were upset that he hadn’t told you about it, upset that he had gotten hurt several times and you never knew, concerned that he kept getting himself into situations where he would get hurt. He was a protector, he was protective over the teens, Nancy, and Robin; you couldn’t fault him for his actions, even if they would put you into an early grave from worry. A silly part of you felt a little left out that you hadn’t learned about everything sooner, that you weren’t there to help. And he would have kept it that way- had you not gotten closer to Max.

You had always held a soft spot for the redhead, seeing your younger self in her. After Billy’s death, after El and the Byers had moved away, you had taken a more active role in her life. You spent many nights at Max’s trailer when she had rough nights, sleeping on a makeshift pallet of blankets on the floor, ready to jump into action if anything happened. Ready to be her shoulder to cry on, ready to take her for a late night walk or drive to get her out of her head. You were good. You didn’t know love, kindness and affection were strangers to you. But you were full of it. You were the kindest person he knew, you loved hard. He didn’t want to bring you with them to the Upside Down, but he knew- they all knew- they needed all the help they could get. He never imagined Vecna would go after you.

“This is some trippy shit,” you said as you walked with Steve, your hand gripping his tightly. You had just made it to Eddie’s trailer in the Upside Down and as terrifying as the alternate world was, you were fascinated by it. How similar it was to your own world, you know. Minus the massive amount of monsters ready to attack you at any moment.

“That’s one way to put it,” Eddie said as he opened the door and you followed Steve inside, Nancy and Robin behind you. Eddie shut the door with a click and you looked around, pausing when you noticed an odd looking crack in the ceiling. You opened your mouth to point it out when suddenly, a hole in the ceiling burst. All of you screamed and Steve pulled you back as- is that a broom?- dug a hole in the ceiling. Eddie and Steve walked forward first and you let out a sigh of relief when you heard the kids.

Moments later, a makeshift rope had been formed and thrown through the opening. Robin went first, followed by Eddie, then Nancy. Steve watched as Nancy landed on the mattress back in Eddie’s real trailer and once she was out of the landing zone, he turned to you. “Alright, let me give you a boost.” When Steve takes in the sight of you, he feels a panic he has never felt in his life. Your eyes are milky white as you stare ahead and Steve calls your name. Steve is vaguely aware of the commotion from the others as he rests his hands on your shoulders. “Come on, come on, wake up. Stay with me,” he pleads.

“Steve! What’s happening?” Dustin yells and Steve snaps his head up.

“He has her, Vecna has her. Music, I need music!”

Everyone upstairs freezes for a second before they rush to find music. You? Vecna had you? Erica stays at the opening while the others rush off, ready to relay any messages or updates from Steve. The others tear apart Eddie’s room, desperately looking for music, for anything that could save you. The chaos is loud, to the point Steve can hear it below. It’s nothing but background noise as he tries to snap you out of it. He shakes your shoulders, calls your name, begging and pleading for you to wake up. He barely recognizes his own voice, the pure desperation and panic in his words.

“Stay with me, stay with me!” Steve looks up and yells for them to hurry up, watching as Erica runs off before he focuses on you again. “I know you’re in there, I need you to fight. Okay? You have to fight for me, you have to stay. You can’t leave us, you can’t leave me. Not now, not ever.” Steve cups your cheeks, his words coming out choked and he blinks when he feels water on his cheek. His eyes begin to burn and it takes him another moment to process that he’s crying. He couldn’t lose you, not like this.

Steve had never been one for believing in higher powers, the idea of a god in the sky silly to him. At that moment, though, he prayed to every higher being there was. He’d swap places with you in a heartbeat, he’d give up everything if it meant you were okay. If you survived this. Tears were streaming down his cheeks at this point, fingers digging into your shoulders. He had so much more planned for the two of you. Getting your own place together, hosting holidays at your house, eventually starting your own family- an addition to the family you both had found in the teens, Nancy, Robin, and even Eddie at this point. He couldn’t say goodbye to you like this. He didn’t know how he would handle the world without you by his side.

“There’s so much we have to do. We need you, I need you. I love you so much, the kids, Nancy and Robin, Eddie.. We all love you. If you can hear me, come back to me, please.” Steve’s words were jumbled now and he watched in horror as you slowly began to rise. “Hurry!” He screamed.

-

You were at home. How did you get home? “Hello?” You called out as you walked around. You sniffed. Was that bacon? You walked towards the kitchen, brows furrowing when you heard the sounds of breakfast being cooked. You heard voices talking, laughing and you stopped when you saw your parents. Your mom cooking breakfast, talking and laughing with your dad. Your dad reading the paper, fiddling with the radio and humming along to the music as he sipped his coffee. God, when was the last time you had a family breakfast? “Mom, Dad?” You asked. Neither of them responded. “Guys?”

Your mom turned towards the table, carrying two plates of scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. She smiled as she sat beside your dad, and you took a seat across from your mom. “Are you excited for our trip today? I can’t wait to be on the beach.” Your mom began to eat and your dad winked at her.

“I can’t wait to see you on the beach.” You scrunched your nose at his comment and your mom turned her head, looking straight ahead at you. She didn’t acknowledge your presence, didn’t even seem to be aware you were in the same room as her.

“Aren’t you glad we never had children?” You felt your heart stop when she asked this and you leaned forward, waving your hand in her face. As good as they were about ignoring you, they never missed an opportunity to make a snide comment or give you a resentful look. Your mom didn’t even falter and if your dad noticed you, he didn’t react to your proximity either. Slowly, you went to touch her hand and you screamed when it was replaced by some monster’s hand, the grip on yours painful. “See how happy we could be without you?” Your mom’s voice distorted as she said your name, the bright kitchen starting to darken as your parents looked at you.

“Maybe we could have been happy if we never had you. Could have lived our lives, enjoyed them. Instead we got stuck with you.” Your dad’s voice echoed in your head and you struggled, stumbling back once you freed your hand. You ran towards the front door, throwing it open and not looking back. You looked around and saw Steve in his driveway, standing by his car and you ran towards him.

“Steve! Steve, oh my god. Something happened to my parents and-”

“Do you think I care?” Steve’s voice was cold, distant, and you felt your heart break.

“W-what?”

“Truly, did you ever think I cared about you?” Steve’s warm brown eyes were filled with hatred as he looked at you and you tried to back away. “Did you ever think you were anything more than a nuisance to me?” Steve took a step towards you. “You were so pathetic, clinging to me during school. No wonder your parents never wanted to stick around, so needy. Always needing to be the center of attention.” Steve’s voice turned mocking and your eyes began to well up with tears. “Oh, the crybaby act. Cry and act like you’re so innocent, like always. You’re a parasite. You take all the joy, all the life, from the people around you until they finally run away from you.” You shook your head and spun on your heel, sprinting away from Steve and your parents’ house. You ran to the end of the road and you were transported to another world. The sky was red and dark clouds filled the sky, lightning flashing in the clouds. You turned around and flinched when you saw a creature, Vecna, a few feet away from you.

“Did you finally realize that you’re the root of everyone’s problems? See how miserable you make everyone around you? See how happy they could be without you?”

“You’re, you’re wrong. My friends love me. I, I don’t make them miserable.” You protested and Vecna chuckled darkly as he walked towards you. You tried to walk away and you yelped as something wrapped around your ankles, causing you to fall. You felt something wrap around your wrists next and you were pulled up. You struggled against your binds as Vecna came closer until you were mere inches from his face.

“Then why did they leave you out for so long? They didn’t want you in their group. You are an inconvenience to them. A burden. You know it, no matter how hard you try to hide it. How else would I know about it?” His words echoed in your head and you thrashed against the binds. They would save you, you know they would. Right..? They just, they just need more time. You can hold out, you can fight a little longer. “Even in your last moments, you’re still trying to convince yourself that you’re one of them. That you matter.” Vecna reached out to your face and you screwed your eyes shut. You didn’t want to die. You needed to be with Steve again, you couldn’t leave him. Leave the girls, Eddie, the kids. You needed them. You thought back on past memories, desperate to buy them more time.

You remembered the day you had met Steve in kindergarten, how clumsy he was and how he still had so much hair, even then. You remembered meeting Nancy in elementary school. You thought back to homecoming, the year you didn’t want to go, but Nancy had convinced you anyway. How you danced with Steve for the first time since you didn’t have a date, and Steve couldn’t stand to see you alone. Your first cookout with the teens, the pool party Steve held a few weeks ago. Your first date with him, your first kiss. All of your memories flashed through your mind, starting to warp from Vecna’s powers and you had started to lose hope. Until you heard it.

I can dim the lights

And sing you songs full of sad things

We can do the tango just for two

Your song. Yours and Steve’s song. You could have cried when you heard the familiar lyrics; he did it. They were going to save you, they hadn’t given up. You tugged at the binds, starting to free yourself. The song continued as you fought against the vines, and you hit the ground with a groan. You jumped up and ran, seeing a misty red cloud ahead of you. Your lungs ached, feet pounding against the ground as you ran, dodging debris from Vecna’s world as the mist began to clear, the outline of Steve becoming visible.

Ooh, love, ooh, lover boy

What to do tonight?

Hey boy, set my alarm, turn on my charm

That's because I'm a good old fashioned lover boy

You heard the slithering of vines behind you and you pushed yourself harder, faster, beyond what you had ever done before and you jumped through the cloud.

Steve heard your gasp before he saw you fall, and he narrowly managed to catch you before you hit the ground. Steve landed on his knees with a thud and he almost sobbed in relief when he saw your eyes meet his. “Oh my fucking- you’re alive.” Steve sighed, the panic melting away. You lurched forward, sobbing as you clung to him, body trembling violently as you cried into his shoulder. “Hey, hey, hey. I got you. It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here.” Steve held you close, one hand in between your shoulders and the other at the back of your head. A shuddering breath left Steve and his eyes closed. You were alive, holy shit, you almost died.

“Steve! Harrington! What happened?” Max’s voice was louder than anyone else’s and Steve forced himself to look up at them.

“She’s okay. She’s back.” You whimpered in response, hands digging into the denim vest he wore as if it was your lifeline and he looked at you. Time to get you out of here. With the way you clung to him, he’d have to figure out a way to carry you and climb out. But you were with him, you were alive. He’d figure it out somehow because there was no way in hell he’d ask you to let go of him. Never again.

-

Everyone stayed at Steve’s that night. Mattresses were drug into the living room, pillows and blankets scattered around the floor; no one felt like separating after your close call in the Upside Down. Max sat between Lucas and Dustin, Erica on Lucas’s other side while Eddie sat on Dustin’s other side. Nancy and Robin sat together, and you were tucked into Steve’s lap. You hadn’t said a word since you were freed from Vecna’s curse and Steve, everyone really, was worried. He didn’t know what you saw there and frankly, he was scared to. He couldn’t imagine what happened for you to have reacted like you did. He happily combed his fingers through your hair, the repetitive motion calming you and him. Your favorite vinyl was playing throughout the house, and Steve situated his sleeping spot by the record player so he could keep music playing all night.

“The quiet’s kinda freaking me out, are you sure these are my friends?” Your voice startled everyone and Steve looked down at you, happy to see a little light back in your eyes. Max and Dustin rushed over, Max pushing in front of Dustin but pausing when she finally got to you. “C’mere, Max.” You shifted so you could face her, and you opened your arms to hug her. You held the redhead close to you, not letting go until she did. You hugged Dustin next, followed by Lucas and Erica. Nancy and Robin followed the kids and you looked over at Eddie, gesturing for him to come over as well.

“We were scared shitless,” Eddie said as he hugged you quickly and Steve shot him a look. “We were!”

“I was too. It was… absolutely terrifying.” You tensed when you felt an arm wrap around you, quickly relaxing when you realized it was Steve. “I could feel him in my memories, warping them. He made me see things that felt so real, made me feel…” You trailed off. “He showed me my parents, happy because I didn’t exist. He made me see Steve, and- I knew it wasn’t real. That none of you were real, but it felt so real. The feeling is still lingering.” Steve’s grip on you tightened and you rested your hand on top of his. The air in the room was thick and you all knew what could happen. Vecna could come for you again. You and Max had both been targeted by him now, and the need to take out Vecna grew. Steve wouldn’t let you or Max get hurt again.

You woke up with a gasp, breathing heavy as you remembered where you were. You weren’t in the Upside Down, Vecna didn’t have you. You looked around the room, the light from the kitchen illuminating the living room just enough for you to see everyone. There were the boys, Eddie, Nancy and Robin, Erica, Max and- Where was Steve? You carefully untangled yourself from the blankets and crept around the living room. You checked the kitchen and let out a sigh of relief when you saw a familiar head of brown hair sitting at the dining table. You walked over to him and punched his shoulder, feeling a little pleased when he startled.

“Asshole. You can’t just disappear like that.” You winced at the panic in your voice and you took a deep breath to calm down.

“Shit, sorry. I made some coffee and… got distracted I guess.” Steve spared a glance at you and you frowned when you saw the puffiness of his eyes, red rimmed and eyelashes glistening with remnants of tears. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into you and a drop of water hit your arm. “I keep seeing you when I sleep. Floating, not seeing me.” Steve’s voice wavered and you rubbed his shoulder, your own eyes beginning to burn with unshed tears. “What was I like? When he made you see me?”

“Steve, you don’t.. you don’t want to know.” He stayed silent and after a moment, you let out a sigh. “You were cold. It was like I was a stranger. Not even; you looked like you despised me.” Your voice cracked. “You said you hated me, too. I was a parasite to you, my family, everyone. And for a minute, I believed it. I knew the real you would never say that, but it was hard to separate the real you from the you Vecna created.” A beat passed. “I really thought I was a goner. All my memories flashed before my eyes, as cliche as it sounds. I was holding onto that, holding onto the happy.”

“Then you heard the music?” Steve asked and you nodded.

“It freed me. My only thought running from him was that I had to get home to you. The person who had taught me what love was. What real love was. Not the shit my parents have, but real, warm love. Golden.” You cupped Steve’s face in your hands and brushed your nose against his. “You are gold, Steve. And that? Those memories of you, intertwined with me, are what saved me. The heart of our group.” You brushed your lips against Steve’s, rubbing your thumbs across his face.

“I love you,” Steve whispered as you pulled apart and you smiled.

“I love you.” You pressed one more kiss to Steve’s lips before you stretched, yawning. “Back to bed?”

“Please.” You and Steve carefully maneuvered around the mattresses and your sleeping friends, getting back into bed. Steve’s legs tangled with yours, your arm around his waist and your head to his chest. Neither you or Steve slept much more that night, but you were comforted in each other. In the presence of your friends. And that was enough for tonight.

[evermourning]

𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 - han jisung

pairing: han jisung x reader, lovertober entry viii

genre: fluff, comfort, non!idol au

wc: 8.9k

warnings: brother's best friend!han, language, mentions of alcohol, reader is OBLIVIOUS and jisung is WHIPPED, making out, gets very suggestive, getting caught, starts really fucking slow.

a/n: daylight. lover's final track. what a fitting way to end lovertober. thank you all so much for the immense support i received with this series...can't wait to see you for my next one!

p.s., i'm sorry about the length (i got carried away </3) and the delay (i have been so so so busy), please enjoy!

you'd known han jisung for a very, very long time.

you were ten years old. it was a sunny september afternoon, and you were sitting on the brick stairs of your childhood home, watching with annoyance as your stupid brother and his stupid friends played football in the front yard.

your brother minho, ever the athlete, was the quarterback, of course. he was yelling terms that were so foreign they sounded like another language as the scrimmage commenced. you were bored out of your mind.

that is, until one of his friends sat down beside you.

"hi. you're min's little sibling, right?" he asked. his knees were covered with scrapes and cuts, a bandage places hastily over his left one. he had fluffy black hair and two dark eyes you could get lost in if you looked for too long. he gave you an awkwardly adorable smile.

you nodded skeptically. minho's friends were usually up to no good.

"yeah. why?" you asked, and he giggled. it was cute.

"i always see you hanging around whenever i come over, so i just wanted to know. why do you sit on the step watching if you never play?" he asked, genuinely wanting to learn more about you.

"my mom wants us to get our exercise in, so she basically kicks us outta the house until it's dinnertime." you explained quietly. a little "oh" formed on the boy's lips. "what's your name, by the way?"

"jisung." he said playfully, extending a hand out to shake yours. "and you're yn, right? minho's always talking about you." as if he'd been listening in, minho appeared behind him in an instant.

"jisung, we're down a player. you can't just be chatting up yn like that." he rolled his eyes. after jisung muttered a string of insults beneath his breath, minho crouched down to your level. "if he starts nagging you again, come get me, okay? i'm your big brother. i've got to be looking out for you."

"he wasn't nagging me, though?" you said, confused. "we were just talking." minho sighed.

"okay...but i'm gonna keep an eye on him. i don't care if he's my best friend. he hurts you and he dies. violently."

being friends with lee minho meant ground rules were established. they were short and to the point, usually things about privacy and things people say and whatnot, but there was one main one, one he enforced the most.

yn is off limits. no exceptions.

to minho, the idea of any of his friends dating one of his family members was just so weird. he didn't really want any of them to hurt you and have to cut off a valuable friendship. so, he made it very clear to them that they frankly did not have a chance with you.

jisung was sure he did, though.

he knew his feelings for you were so wrong, and that minho would most likely gut him if he ever told him, so he bottled them up. for years and years. fighting urges to kiss you silly when he saw your outfit for prom, when he saw you in a swimsuit, anything. once he went away to college, however, he hoped that his feelings would simply melt away and he could move on from you.

how terribly wrong he was.

fast-forward to a decade later, he was now standing outside your front door, inhaling deeply. he knocked once or twice before minho excitedly opened the door.

"hey, jisung." he stepped aside so jisung could enter, smiling widely. "how's college going?"

your final years of high school were peaceful, yet lonely. minho and his friends had ventured off to different universities, leaving you to fend for yourself. jisung, namely going to some fine arts school where he was pursuing a career in music production.

jisung caught minho up on how life was going, expressing his dismay about being dumped as he slipped into the kitchen to grab a drink.

"i didn't think you'd be drinking this early, ji." minho teased. jisung laughed, taking a swig before offering it up to him. when minho shook his head, jisung chugged the rest of it with a chuckle. "oh, by the way, i've got something to tell you. don't be weird, but yn's coming home too. i think they'll be home...in an hour or so?"

jisung choked on his drink. so much for not being weird.

"there's no way." he muttered, resulting in minho raising an eyebrow. "i haven't seen yn in what- two years? three years? how...are they?"

minho smiled, almost slyly, checking his phone.

"you're about to see."

the front door opened, and you came in frantically, your face lighting up as you saw your older brother. you rushed over to him to give him a tight hug. when you turned your head slightly to see jisung, your face lighting up into a dazzling smile, jisung swore actual butterflies were flying around in his stomach.

you had gotten fucking hot.

somewhere along the line, you'd had some glow-up that turned you into something akin to a fallen angel. (actually, you'd always been gorgeous to jisung, he'd just noticed it more now).

"as i live and breathe, han jisung!" you beamed, hugging him tightly. jisung swore his cheeks were blooming red. you smelled like lavender and chamomile and he wanted to wake up and smell that every single day of his goddamn life. "you're so different, oh my gosh. you look amazing."

your jaw was honestly dropped at his transformation. he was lean, yet muscular, his body toned and tan. his hair was curly, a chocolatey brown color that complimented his eyes and skin tone so well. and when he looked at you, smiling, god...

"tell me all about it!" jisung said a bit too eagerly, leading you to the sofa to sit down with you. "how is university? have you made a lot of friends? what are you studying?"

his question made you remember a necessity.

"wait! thank you so much for reminding me, ji. i've gotta text my boyfriend and tell him i've gotten here safe." you smiled cheekily.

jisung saw red.

"i didn't realize...you were in a relationship." he said with gritted teeth. you nodded, a bit confused as to why the mood suddenly changed to something much tenser.

"yeah, um, it's not a super serious one, we've really only been together for like five months tops, but he's sweet." you said awkwardly. something about how jisung was staring so intently at you made you feel like you had to explain yourself.

"what's he like?" jisung asked indignantly. "uh, y'know, just in case i meet him...so i can...get along with him better."

he was not slick. how the hell did you not pick up on it?

he didn't know, because he breathed a raggedly sigh of relief as you laughed and began vividly describing your boyfriend, eliciting a grimace from jisung. god, this guy sounded fucking annoying.

"let's see...he's absolutely my type. he's adorable, kind, funny, caring, and hella talented. he's a great singer." jisung was a greater singer too. probably even better than this guy. he would crush him in karaoke. "but i wish he could play the guitar...that would make him so much more desirable to me."

jisung had a guitar in his trunk he was fighting demons not to go grab. it was the way your boyfriend sounded like a carbon copy of him that had him fuming. for fuck's sake, he was right here!

it was unfair, in jisung's eyes. once you'd admitted that your boyfriend had a very short temper and could be very controlling, he'd whipped his head around so his eyes could meet minho's. minho simply shook his head.

knock it off, he was saying.

how the fuck was this absolute douchebag able to date you but jisung wasn't? it was so fucking rigged.

your boyfriend wasn't even that handsome, either. he looked like any average twenty-something year-old guy. if anything, he had absolutely fucking nothing on jisung. jisung was the hottest guy he knew. a solid twelve out of ten. this guy was a four or less on a good day.

he reassured himself, remembering he had so many fucking weeks with you, without your boyfriend. his only problem, however, was not you or that guy you were fawning over. it was lee fucking minho.

twelve years and not a single ground rule changed. jisung was still not allowed to make any advances on you. therefore, he had to get better at being sneaky.

his first (and only) attempt to get you to break up with your boyfriend was on a wednesday. it was rainy, diminishing the possible activities you could do, so you opted to watch a movie with minho, jisung, and one of their other friends, chan.

it was some horror movie you couldn't stand one bit, jumpscares at every turn. you were flinching and hiding your face in jisung's shoulder. he wrapped a strong, comforting arm around you, to which minho gave him a look.

"hey, i got you. it's just a movie." he murmured softly into your ear. you giggled.

"ji, stop it. you're so cuddly, i have a boyfriend." you whispered, not to interrupt the movie. the words stabbed him in the throat.

"i know." he said quietly, drawing his hands back slightly. "but he's not here right now. you don't need to talk about him. you were talking just yesterday about how you were worried he didn't care for you. why are you still with him?"

"well...my friends are his friends...and we have so many memories that i'd hate to lose..." it was excuse after excuse. god. this guy had really fucked with you bad. maybe if your boyfriend ended things with you, you could learn to truly love someone, namely a super sexy and talented guy named han jisung.

"that's no reason to still be dating him. you could always try and end things on good terms and then-"

"jisung, enough." your voice was firm, implying this was the final time this conversation would be held. so much for trying. eh. he'd never been much of a negotiator in the first place, anyways. now, he just had to hope and pray and pray and pray for some amazing miracle.

four days later, it happened.

minho called jisung over to hang out. the day was rooted into his mind. they were laying on the sofa, one of the cats on minho and another in between jisung's legs, scrolling through social media. you were off in your room, on the phone with your boyfriend. the walls weren't super thin, so he couldn't really hear your conversation.

until the volume raised. louder and louder until you were full on yelling and jisung could hear every single sentence. every single word. every single vowel and consonant that left your lips. you were furious.

judging by the bits and pieces he was straining to hear as he acted disinterested, your boyfriend was pissed that being back in your hometown with all of your brother's friends meant that you were fucking them behind his back or something. you were on your last straw with his controlling attitude and you lost it.

"i'm so sick of you! we're done. don't fucking text me or call me." you snapped, hanging up and flinging your phone (jisung knew this because it made a loud crash, tumbling to the floor).

minho stood up awkwardly.

"i'm gonna, um, go check on them." jisung stumbled to his feet, scaring off the cats.

"i'll come with you, min. yn's close with me, too." minho wanted to say something, it was so obvious. but his mouth remained shut as they walked towards your room.

you were laying on your bed, crying. your eyes were red and the mountain of crumpled tissues upon your nightstand progressively grew and grew.

"honey," minho began, his voice soft. he only ever referred to you that way, gentle and caring. this, jisung knew all too well, was the very reason minho was so protective of you. minho had loved and cherished you since the day you were born, fighting off the monsters in the dark just to see you smile. it wasn't that minho wouldn't be able to forgive anyone who hurt you, he'd never be able to forgive himself.

and that in itself was his biggest fear. jisung was minho's closest friend and confidant. minho trusted jisung with his life. however, this also meant that accidentally hurting you would be seen as the greatest betrayal of his life.

you flopped over, staring at minho with red-rimmed eyes. he sighed, a sweet smile upon his seemingly cold features. you really brought out the best in him.

"i'm sorry about what happened. do you need me and ji to get you anything? something to eat or drink, a blanket, more tissues...or if you want to talk, i'll stay and listen." he sat down on the bed, and you sat up to scoot over and lean into minho, fitting with him like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

"is it raining outside? i wanna look at the stars. me and him used to do that and i want solace." you mumbled as minho rubbed your back. he turned to jisung, thinking for a split second.

"i'm going to start making you some dinner. a good meal will get your mind off of this. the hill outside is perfect for stargazing. jisung can go with you. come back when you're feeling hungry, okay?"

you nodded. jisung's heart skipped a beat. this would be his first time alone with you all break! a win was still a win, regardless of whether or not the situation was ideal.

and now, here he was, laying in the cool grass alongside you. you were moping.

"there are clouds everywhere! it's not worth it. of course the universe fucks with me on a day like today." you whined. jisung gave you a hug, cursing himself when you flinched. was he coming off too strong?

you were right, though. a thick layer of clouds completely covered the stars, painting the sky a drab dark gray. the only thing that could be seen was the bright reflection of the moon, shaped into a mere crescent.

you clung to him, creating a damp spot on his shirt with your tears. he wrapped his arms around you, letting you cry into his shoulder.

"it fucking sucks, ji. i'll never get to go on all the dates i planned with him. i-" your voice broke. he patted your back. "i had a list. a list of all the things i was gonna do with him. now who can i do them with?"

"you can do them with me!" he interjected, a bit too frantic for his own liking. when you looked at him weird, he had to come up with some quick excuse he'd pray you'd believe blindly. "not in any romantic sort of way, but if you want to do them, i'm right here. we have all the time in the world."

you really didn't.

you gave him a tired smile before hugging him tighter.

"you really would? that's so sweet. you're such a gentleman, jisung."

that night, he died and came back to life. and so, the most important mission of his life began.

mission: make yn fall in love with me and do it all without minho finding out was officially a go.

he was snapped out of his daze when minho opened the door to the back porch, signaling that dinner was ready. like the perfect brother he was, he'd cooked up three plates of your favorite meal. your eyes lit up at the plates neatly made and you finished it almost instantly. minho and jisung watched you as you slid the fork between your lips for two very different reasons.

the way minho looked at you was almost motherly, like he wanted to hide you under his wing and keep you safe, to protect you every step of the way. his heart was absolutely shattered seeing you so beaten up over your now ex-boyfriend. he should've known, he told himself again and again as he sliced the vegetables, he should've known that guy was bad news. he wanted to wrap you in a bone-crushing hug and spill words of remorse and sorrow from his heart-shaped lips, to apologize for not being there for you.

jisung wanted to kiss you until you were a flustered mess beneath him. he wanted to run his fingers through your hair and caress your soft cheeks. he would have to shake these thoughts off for his next week, a week filled with definitely-not-dates with you.

monday

you stared at yourself in the mirror, spinning a bit to see all of the angles of your outfit. you'd just recently bought this top and you were a little unsure about it.

ending things with your boyfriend had completely thrown off your schedule for your break. and here you were now, getting ready to go to an aquarium with someone you hadn't seen in years. a knock sounded on your door. it was soft, as if the echo was a question.

"come in," you said, a tinge of unsureness upon your tongue. the door slid open to reveal jisung, wearing a cute crewneck and baggy jeans. he began smiling widely once he saw your outfit.

"you look stunning. i- i don't even have any words to describe you, you look so lovely. like the first warm day of spring." you felt your cheeks heat up at his words. for somebody so energetic and funny, he certainly was eloquent. it was as if he had some magical control over words and syllables, combining and separating them until he'd made the perfect match.

"thank you so much, ji! you look amazing too." his outfit was simple yet stylish, the color palette blending incredibly with yours. jisung never went out of his way to put this much effort into an outfit. was there any reason? (spoiler alert: there was)

his cheeks flushed pink at your words, and he outstretched one hand for you to take.

"shall we go?"

you'd never really noticed his hands before. you'd never really needed to in the first place. but they were soft, as opposed to the small callous on his index finger, probably from writing lyrics and schoolwork all the time. his hands weren't huge, but they were larger than minho's. his nails were painted expertly and delicately in hues of navy blue.

"i didn't realize you still painted your nails." you murmured, and he looked up, laughing sheepishly. "i remember being so jealous that i could never paint mine like you did. that's why i always asked you to do mine for me."

"practice makes perfect, i'm afraid. but you can ask me anytime, and i'd drop whatever i'm doing to help you. just say the word and i'll be there in the blink of an eye." his declaration seemed a bit off for just helping you with your nails, but everybody expressed emotions differently, so you shrugged it off.

his hand was still outstretched, never once faltering, as if he knew at some point, no matter the journey, you'd take it. and you did.

the aquarium was somewhere you'd always wanted to go with your boyfriend. it held such nostalgia and beauty that you'd been dreaming of the day you could go there with someone you'd enjoy it with. you were happy it was the first idea on your bucket list, something to get your mind off of the miserable day before.

you honestly still couldn't believe you were doing this with han jisung himself, anyways. he was your brother's best friend, and he was way too cool for you. he'd seen you as a little sister his entire life. this idea of his was out of the care and concern of his heart in the utmost platonic way possible.

jisung, on the other hand, was trying not to trip over his own two feet as he held your hand, seeing the awe in your eyes. he squeezed your hand with excitement, hoping his hand wasn't sweaty or anything. oh god...what if it was? he told you he needed to "readjust" his hand before profusely wiping it on his jeans until he was certain it was drier than the gobi desert.

the aquarium was absolutely beautiful, in shades of blues and greens. all sorts of aquatic creatures reside behind walls of glass, swimming around without a care in the world. it was divine. you walked around with jisung, hand in hand, pointing out various sea creatures. he seemed especially taken by the sharks, excitedly swiveling his head between you and the tank whenever they swam by.

eventually, you made your way to a room in the back of the aquarium, a large rounded glass tank in front of you. the lights had been dimmed to a midnight blue, letting the pale moon jellies show themselves. they languidly floated around, a dazzling sight. they were like clouds of the sea.

a wooden bench with a black leather cushion was positioned next to one of the tanks, and you and jisung sat down to rest your feet, weary from all the standing. he was looking through his camera roll at the photos he took.

you smiled at the little things he does. you'd been noticing them much more recently. the way his lips stretched into a crooked grin when he saw something he liked, the way he pouted if a picture came out bad or too blurry. it was endearing.

but it was also odd. the last time you'd been able to identify such minuscule details about jisung was when you were fourteen years old and had the fattest crush on him known to man.

you pined over him for a good seven months, making all sorts of excuses to hang out with minho and his group of friends. most of the time, his answer was a solid no. but sometimes, when he'd sigh and say "yes, but be good", you'd try and have all sorts of conversations with him. you loved his enthusiasm and interest as you spoke, as if he was hanging onto every word.

eventually, you came to the conclusion that he saw only ever you as minho's annoying kid sibling and was only being nice to humor you. you'd laid in bed, crying into your pillow, face warm from guilt and humiliation. from that day forward, you were always wary of men. you were scared that they wouldn't like you if you were too forward.

it was incredibly foolish, you realized. you'd based this claim off of absolutely nothing at all. you'd assumed jisung didn't like you. but there was no way he did, you were a hyper and silly kid and he was a teenager focusing on sports and whatever guys did.

"hey," he said, snapping you out of your walk down memory lane. a small smile graced his pretty face. "wanna take a picture with me and the jellyfish? we can make them into matching polaroids. i know you wanted to take polaroids with your boyfriend as a like- a couple idea, so we could be killing two birds with one stone?"

it was a great idea. you scooted closer to him, and he leaned in. jisung wrapped an arm around your waist, and you softly gasped at his gentle contact.

"say cheese!" he smiled brightly and you did along with him. you didn't think you'd be smiling like this the day after ending a months-long relationship. and yet, it felt like some enormous weight was lifted off your heart. you felt...free. and happy. really happy that you were experiencing this with han jisung, out of anyone.

you were so caught up in this inexplicable feeling of joy you didn't notice the pretty pink colour on jisung's round cheeks, or how he was staring at you the entire time.

tuesday

"have you seriously never been to a drive-in movie? not once in your life?" jisung asked in shock, from where he was leaning against your doorframe. he held your list in his hand, scanning it up and down. "they're holding one tonight. guess what they're playing?"

you thought to yourself.

"hmm...some cheesy-ass movie from the 80s?" you guessed, eliciting a chuckle from jisung's lips. you'd spent the entirety of your time "sleeping" and thinking about them. he'd been plaguing your mind all day- not that you minded, though.

"close enough. they're playing grease. that's from...1978, i think?"

you sighed, getting up to run a hairbrush through your messy hair. you couldn't go out looking like shit. that would be horrid.

"is it really?" at his nod, you giggled. "damn. i thought it was the 80s. i can't really make that assumption, though. i've never seen it in my life."

the way jisung's jaw dropped to the floor was so comical it was almost cartoonlike.

"what the actual hell. you've never seen grease?" his expression was stony, and for a second you were scared you offended him. then, you remembered it was jisung, who was rarely ever serious. "get your things and get in my car. we're going right now. you cannot go another second without seeing grease."

so here you were, in the passenger seat of jisung's sleek black convertible. he was driving well, focused on the road. at one point, his hand absentmindedly drifted over to rest upon your thigh. you felt your cheeks begin to heat up. when jisung became aware of the placement of his hand, he retracted his hand in a flash, apologizing profusely. his face was beet red. it was adorable. you grabbed his hand and put it back on your thigh, much to his astonishment.

"it's okay. i don't mind." you murmured softly. "you're not hurting anyone with your hand there. and the physical contact feels nice. the warmth of your palm on my freezing leg is enough for me. makes me feel human."

jisung absolutely melted at your soft words. now this, this funny feeling in his stomach which only surfaced around you, that he yearned for day after day while he was away at university, was exactly what he craved.

if he really did succeed in making you fall for him, how would it go? he'd done some digging, and your university was only a half an hour or so away from his. he could imagine it now, so vividly it was almost a film playing in his brain on repeat. he could text you sweet messages like "good luck!" or "how was your day?" and if he felt like it, he could come see you.

he would be the best boyfriend ever. way better than that dickhead guy.

he pulled into the drive-in theater, where an assorted group of cars where already there. various people had already settled in and were watching the beginning of the movie. few families were there, but most of them were people on dates.

"do you want to get out of the car? i have a picnic blanket my roommate from university lent to me that i'll gladly lay out on the grass, if that's what makes you comfortable." jisung suggested, pulling out a patterned grey blanket from the back seat. "i'm okay with whatever you want."

"let's sit on the grass. we're on a hilly area, so we'll still have a good vantage point. and besides, from up here, you can sing your heart out."

"we can sing our hearts out." he corrected. "don't think you're getting out of this one easy, hun. be happy i'm not forcing you to learn the entire 'greased lightning' dance."

you'd always liked funny guys.

the movie began, the plot exactly how you imagined it. however, it was actually really good, with fun choreography and surprisingly good songs. jisung knew every word, an imaginary microphone magically appearing in his hand the minute he heard the first few beats of a song.

it was so fun. he'd pass the "microphone" to you, staring at you in awe when your lips parted and you began singing the melody, soft and sheepish from embarrassment. your voice was heavenly. like the song of a siren, the way you hit every note with talent and poise and then proceeded to giggle it off saying "you weren't as good as him" was absolutely insane.

at some point, you had become so incredibly engrossed in the movie. rizzo was walking through the school, singing her heart out and it was so powerful you didn't even notice the wide expanse of goosebumps covering your body.

"oh my goodness, you're shivering." jisung noticed with urgency, and you peeled your eyes away from the screen. now that your focus was no longer on the movie, you felt the chill begin to overtake you. you snuggled into jisung, trying to capitalize on the heat leaving his body.

"you're right, i didn't even notice..." you gasped slightly, your teeth chattering. jisung pulled off his coat and gave it to you.

"here, put that on." he said, getting up to grab something else from his car. what was he hiding in there?

"won't you be cold without your coat, ji?" you asked with concern. he was wearing grey sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt that wasn't made of any warm material in the slightest. he grinned, pulling out a fluffier blanket and wrapping it around the both of you.

"not anymore." he moved in closer until you felt your body against his. it was almost therapeutic. your head fell onto his shoulder, eliciting a tiny gasp from jisung's adorable lips.

the drive home was anything but silent as you excitedly rambled about the movie, explaining your favorite parts to a quietly satisfied jisung. he loved listening to you talk about things that made you happy. the way your hands moved to match your words with fluidity, the way your voice became higher with some foreign excitement. it was just like how you were when you were little.

"what are you smiling about?" you teased, noticing his adorably rosy cheeks in the pale moonlight.

"i'm sorry...i just absolutely adore listening to you talk about things you're passionate about. it's so endearing." he admitted, immediately focusing his eyesight towards the road ahead as to not see a reaction he'd be disappointed by.

if he'd just looked with his periphery, he would've noticed the flustered mess you'd become with a single response.

that night, you laid in bed, thinking long and hard about your relationship. these endeavors with jisung were exactly what you'd wished for time after time with your ex, only for him to fall short.

wait.

now that you were spending time with him again, you'd come to a conclusion. han jisung and your ex-boyfriend were uncomfortably similar, with their clothing and hair styles, their mannerisms, and their personalities. it didn't give you uncomfortable flashbacks in the slightest. in fact, you came to a massive conclusion.

you'd never gotten over jisung.

that was why you'd dated someone so similar. and you were still just as hopelessly in love with him as you were when you were a teenager.

oh shit.

saturday

you were in too deep.

every single date with jisung, you fell more and more in love with him. with his smile, his laugh, his gorgeous eyes, his caring nature, every single thing about him.

with every touch he placed on your skin, light as a feather, you felt yourself tread further and further past the point of no return. you couldn't stand it. you were running out of opportunities to confess.

what if you never saw him again after this? the next time you'd see him would probably be his graduation, and by then he might be in a relationship with someone. not a good one, because you'd come to the conclusion that nobody loved jisung like you did. even when you felt like you didn't, some core part of you kept that.

you loved passionately, most of the time confidentially. you kept your crushes to yourself. but if you had determined that you quite literally could not live without him, now that you'd grown so accustomed to seeing him every day.

you were in your sleep clothes, an oversized hoodie that was a hand-me-down from minho and flannel pajama pants when minho knocked on your door.

"good morning." he said softly, smiling at you. he held dori in his arms. "i made us breakfast. care to join me?" you loved weekends when you were with your brother.

your parents were always busy, so you'd really been raised by minho. he worked as a dance teacher outside of his studies, working late nights at the studio just to provide for the two of you. you loved your brother, to the moon and back.

you sat at the table, eating breakfast, contentedly listening to him talk about how his students were progressing nicely. you were so busy trying to get a piece of a scrambled egg onto your fork you almost didn't hear him pop the big question.

"so, um...jisung has been coming over a lot recently. care to enlighten me as to why?" he asked, almost nervously. "he's my best friend, yet he's coming over for you, and you're hanging out with him what- every night? i'm not mad at you or anything. i just wanna know the truth."

you sighed. you were much too embarrassed to admit you had any sort of feelings for jisung. it wouldn't hurt if you didn't lie...rather...skirted around the central idea, would it?

"he's been helping me cope with my breakup. i love you and i know i can tell you literally anything, but there's just something different about telling your story to a friend. you already know it, min."

minho probably did not believe your sob story one bit. however, if he didn't, he clearly didn't show it, because his lips parted to release a soft "ohhh."

"i get it. thanks for being honest." his words sent a pang directly to your heart. you hated lying to your brother. but, you were going over to jisung's house tonight and you had to make sure there was no suspicion on minho's part.

after a strenuous hour of getting ready, you were finally prepared. you took a deep breath, knocking on jisung's door. his family home was in your neighborhood, luckily, so you could just walk.

he opened the door, his eyes warmed at the sight of you.

"you've done it this time. you're the most gorgeous person i know. there's no competition. i know you're just in casual clothes, but damn." his mouth was agape, and he looked you up and down. you laughed at his words, trying to avoid the fact that your face was burning from his simple compliments. "i'm rambling, oh my god. let's go inside."

he stepped aside so you could enter. you'd always loved his house. his parents were very fond of interior design, so it was so architecturally beautiful it made you smile. the couches, walls, paintings, and doors were all color coordinated. once jisung led you through the door to his room, your lips stretched into an even wider grin.

it was so...him. rock band posters were plastered everywhere, and it was organized and minimalistic. he had a computer and some producer supplies, and in the corner of the room sat a gorgeous acoustic guitar.

"wow, it's so beautiful!" you said in awe, running a hand down the smooth wood. "i've always wanted to learn how to play. can you play some songs for me?"

he nodded, pulling the guitar off its stand.

"let me tune it real quick, and then we're good to go. any song recommendations?" he asked as he began tuning the instrument. his fingers moved swiftly, expertly. he bit his lip in concentration. "sad songs? love songs?"

"a love song would be nice. you can choose one." you responded, coming over to sit beside him. he thought for a bit, before beginning to strum a lovely chord progression. the song was on the tip of your tongue, and once he started singing, you were in for it.

i found a love, for me...darling just dive right in, and follow my lead

it was perfect. of course it fucking was. you felt your stomach flip with delight, playing into some hopeless fantasy that he was singing it for you. that he was playing the guitar so beautifully, trying to convey a message.

i found a girl, beautiful and sweet...oh, i never knew you were the someone waiting for me

you inched closer. his eyes were focused on yours, and he sang with a smile, never missing a beat.

'cause we were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was

was he singing it to you? was he telling you to your face that he loved you, or were you just delusional?

but darling just kiss me slow, your heart is all i own, and in your eyes, you're holding mine

you couldn't do it anymore. he had to know. you couldn't hide it anymore.

"jisung, stop." you said shakily, and he obliged.

"what is it?" he asked, concerned. had he done something wrong? he would admit, he was carried away with his serenade because all of his feelings were so fucking real, but if he was making you uncomfortable, he'd stop instantly.

better now than never.

"um, this is gonna sound really weird, and you have every right to say no or tell me to get out..." you were rambling, and jisung was silent with an unreadable expression. "i have, like, really strong feelings for you. and it didn't just happen. i loved you when i was little and i love you now, i just stuffed these thoughts away to the back of my mind. if you think about it, my ex was just a cheap copy of you."

jisung wasn't talking. he was just staring at you with his jaw dropped.

oh shit. you fucked everything up. over a decade of friendship. ruined.

"it's okay, i'll just go, i'm so sorry...it's obvious you don't like me back." you said, humiliated. as you went to leave, you felt jisung's hand wrap around your wrist.

"did you just say i don't like you back?" jisung murmured in disbelief, shaking his head. "oh my god. you are so fucking oblivious."

you cocked your head.

"what?"

he led you to sit on the bed next to him, his skin flush against yours.

"how have you not realized i've been head over heels in love with you since we were in grade school?" he sighed. "i never pursued you because min doesn't let any of his friends date you. but i thought of you every day while i was at university. i dreamed of you when my brain was too tired to think. i dated here and there but i was a horrible, horrible boyfriend because i never wanted them. i wanted you. but you never noticed me pining over you. does that make sense?"

you nodded, fighting the tears of joy threatening to fall from your eyes. you reached a gentle hand towards jisung's, and he enveloped your hand in his, holding it tightly.

"can i...kiss you?" he asked softly, waiting for your permission. you nodded, your heart racing as he leaned in. his thumb brushed against your cheek as his lips met yours in a gentle kiss ten years overdue.

it was sweet, laced with a quiet passion that grew as he kissed you again and again. it was so lovely, almost as if fireworks were shooting off in the distance.

when he finally pulled away, his hand rested on your hip and he was breathing a little heavier, staring at you with a twinkle in his molten chocolate eyes.

"will you grant me the immeasurable honor of being mine? no lies and no miscommunication this time. i promise." he held out his pinkie, and you giggled as you curled yours around his.

"you've got yourself a promise, ji." you replied, bursting with delight.

a realization dawned on jisung. he hadn't even brought minho into the equation.

"one problem. minho wouldn't be happy with me if he found out about this. he's told his friends and i it for years- you're off-limits. but now...i just broke his rule. we're gonna have to sneak around behind his back..."

you patted your boyfriend's shoulder. god, it felt divine being able to say that.

"it's okay. he won't catch us." you laughed softly, giving jisung a hug, solidifying your love in stone.

thursday

you'd almost been dating jisung for two weeks! this was an achievement for you, because every single day you were with him felt like you were drifting away on a fluffy cloud of ecstasy. he made you unfathomably happy.

so far, hiding your relationship from minho was going surprisingly well. to try and throw him off of your trail, the three of you started going out more when minho didn't have work. you'd also convinced jisung to prioritize minho's texts and hangouts for the time being.

it was a lot easier said than done, though. minho was observant and cautious, picking up on any unusual signs and forcing you to come up with lies on the spot. he'd look skeptical, but not push the question, thankfully. however, some gut feeling told you he'd find out any day now.

how would he find out? you asked yourself. would he see you two in public from a distance? would a friend inform him? would he find out accidentally? it was a scary thought.

one night, you were laying on your bed, reading some book your mother had recommended to you. it was an amazing book, filled with intrigue and plot twists that left you reeling and begging for more. in between your legs, resting his head on your chest, was jisung.

you'd learned from him being your boyfriend that he was a total sucker for physical touch. like a koala, he was always clinging to you by any means possible.

"baby..." he whined, flipping over to rest his chin on your tummy. "what's in that book that could possibly be more important than me?"

"someone just got murdered, ji. they're trying to figure it out." you replied ignorantly, eliciting a whine from jisung. you giggled, reaching a hand down to entangle your fingers in his dark curls. he sighed dreamily as you massaged his scalp.

"boring, boring, boring." he muttered, grabbing your book out of your hands and placing it neatly onto the nightstand. "shit. how should i save your page?"

"there's a bookmark in the book! use it! han jisung, if you doggy-ear that page, i will fuck you up." you laughed loudly.

thankfully, tonight you had zero worries about minho catching you and jisung. he was working out with chan and then he had an hour and a half teaching private lessons for one of his students. he wouldn't be home until at least 8:45pm, and since it was like 6:30 you could probably sneak jisung out by 8:20pm and get a twenty-five minute grace period to make it look like nobody had been over. life was good.

all of a sudden, jisung gave you a devilish grin, and positioned himself so he could easily climb on top of you.

"ji, what are you doing?" you asked with a chuckle, reaching up to caress his soft face.

"givin' you lots of kisses, duh." he leaned down to brush his soft lips against yours, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. the kiss grew more and more heated in a blink of an eye. it happened so fast. one second he was giving you gentle kisses, like the touch of a fairy, and the next his tongue was in your mouth dancing with yours.

he pulled away after a very long makeout session, a string of saliva connecting your lips to his raw, swollen ones. he licked them with a smile, and shifted a bit so he could lean down and press wet, open-mouthed kisses along your neck, shoulders, and collarbone. you almost groaned at the sensation, but covered your mouth with one hand. jisung giggled at this.

"you don't need to hide those pretty noises, babe. nobody can hear us. we're alone." he snickered, before resuming his work kissing and sucking on your neck until your skin was littered with baby bruises the color of cherries. thankfully, jisung wasn't an idiot, so he only left marks in places you could easily cover with concealer or hide with your shirt.

to him, you were ethereal in this position, pressed into your bed. lips raw and parted in an "o" shape, hair splayed out in a halo around you, your chest heaving.

"you look debauched in the loveliest way possible, gorgeous." he grinned, his fingers now reaching down to the buttons of your shirt. "don't you feel embarrassed at all? i'm literally going down on you on your childhood bed."

you laughed breathily.

"shut up and kiss me again."

your response was cut short. you would have said something more, something almost provocative, if your door didn't open abruptly.

"hi, honey. i'm home early. my student was sick, so i'm gonna get started on dinner-" the scene was almost comical. you and jisung both turned your heads in slow motion to see minho standing there, a grocery bag in his hand and shock upon his face. "jisung. get the fuck off of them or i'll snap your neck."

jisung shot upright, cheeks beet red as he helped you up. minho noticed the marks on your skin instantly. he looked furious. you'd never seen your brother this way, ever.

"we have been friends for what- fourteen years? and what has been the recurring thing i have told you, time and time again?" minho hissed. jisung hung his head in shame.

"you said yn is off limits." he murmured. he slowly lifted his head to meet minho's eyes, searching for the tiniest speck of sympathy, but there was none there. "look- i can explain."

"what is there to explain, jisung?" minho snapped. "'oh, i always want what i can't have, so i'm gonna defile my best friend's sibling behind his back.'"

"min, that's not what happened." you tried. no luck. "i confessed to him first. if anything, it was me. not him. don't take this out on him just because you won't take it out on me."

"don't even say anything. i don't want to hear a single word out of you. everything i do is to protect you! i've looked out for you our entire lives. i...i love you immensely and endlessly, yn. that much is true. but i can't allow this. i wouldn't want to lose jisung because of something you did or something he did to you. and i wouldn't want to lose you because you're so hurt by someone like him." minho's voice broke. he was done. he sighed, and stormed off.

you turned to stare at jisung.

"i, um, think you should go." you murmured, wrapping your arms around him and kissing his cheek. his toned arms made their way around your waist, and he hugged you tightly.

"okay. text or call me if you need anything. let's figure this out tomorrow."

you were with jisung. you loved him so much. but what was the cost of loving him?

friday

minho wouldn't speak to you.

he left for chan's before you woke up, sending you a brief text telling you where he was. you opened the fridge to see a plate stowed aside for you, a sticky note with your name on it on top. huh. even though he was mad, he still went out of his way to make breakfast for you.

you knew you were in the wrong. it wasn't okay of you to sneak around behind minho's back, but if he was too petty to talk to you, then it'd be hopeless.

after eating, you called jisung. he picked up on the first ring, like he always did whenever you called.

"minho won't text me back. he's leaving me on read. god, he's petty when he's mad." his voice sounded a bit gravelly, meaning he'd probably just woken up. you hoped your call didn't serve as an alarm for him.

"i feel bad, ji." you murmured, flopping down onto the couch. the cats sensed your discomfort and padded over to you, rubbing against your legs and purring to try and get you to relax. "i know he would've been mad either way, but do you think he would've been less of a dickhead if we'd just been up front about it?"

"i guess. i'm embarrassed i suggested we keep it a secret. but what's past is past. now, we've got to figure something out. i love you, but he's my best friend of fourteen years. and i love him, but i've been madly in love with you since i was a kid. i don't want to lose either of you."

you smiled fondly at his sweet words. sometimes, he always knew the right thing to say to put you at ease.

"when he gets home, i'm going to talk to him. i'll text you how it goes." as you were saying this, the front door opened and he stood there, looking at you with a cold expression. you wanted to cry. "speak of the devil, he just got home. i love you, bye." you hung up, feeling absolutely powerless. but you weren't defeated yet. you still had your words.

"min," you began. "now that we've blown off some steam since last night, can we talk? jisung and i care so much about you, and neither of us want to lose you."

you followed him to his room, where you sat down on the bed beside him. he was not too enthusiastic.

"well, you shouldn't have jeopardized that by fucking my best friend." minho replied solemnly. you were infuriated.

"i haven't fucked him at all, min. don't jump to conclusions. besides, we haven't even been dating for two weeks. see, the reason we were hanging out so much is because he was helping me with a this sort of- bucket list that i had, of date ideas. and i didn't get the chance to do them with my ex, so i did them with him." you explained. minho was listening, thankfully. "and then, i realized i had feelings deep down for him i'd been harboring since i was younger. and i couldn't keep them in anymore, so i told him. and he told me he'd been in love with me since i met him."

minho nodded, his eyes still untrustworthy.

"okay. how much do you love him?" he asked.

"i love him so much it hurts to see this happening. you're his best friend and he's suffering without you. he was texting me, complaining all night. and no, i know what you're going to ask. i don't love him more than you. romantic love and familial love are on two very different ends of the spectrum."

minho was silent for a moment, reaching out to take your hand.

"i'm sorry for acting this way. i'm sorry for punishing you with silence. i've watched you grow up from a little kid with big round cheeks to the successful, loving person you are today. when you broke up with your last boyfriend, it took everything in me not to go fucking kill the guy for breaking your heart. but this, this is different. jisung is my best friend. i love him so much, and i don't know what i'd do with myself if he ever hurt you. if anybody i cared about hurt you." you gave your brother a tight hug, and he wrapped you in his arms.

"i understand. but we both know jisung isn't that kind of person."

"and you," minho whispered, and you barely caught it. "will you promise not to break his heart? i'll...i'll think about getting behind this if you do."

"i promise. i swear on my life."

that night, you lay in the grass once more with jisung, staring up at the stars. his arm was wrapped tightly around you as you pointed out various constellations with a jubilant look upon your face. god, you were adorable. he rolled you over slightly so he could press a loving kiss to your lips.

the sky was clear, the clouds pushed away to reveal an angelic array of twinkling lights, set against an ebony blackdrop.

"you can see the stars tonight." you whispered gleefully. jisung laughed.

"you can, can't you? they're really beautiful. just like you said. just being here with you brings me eternal solace." he brought your hand to his lips and softly kissed each of your knuckles. "i love you, to the moon and to saturn."

taglist: @darkypooo, @hyunbae-35, @kpopmenace143, @stateofdelicategrace, @elizaschuyler18, @lillithathecat, @imastraykidsfan, @nightimescapes, @mal-lunar-28

@evermourning, ©2023. all rights reserved.

[kazzeyy]

I have just got to rant rn.

My entire friend group imploded because one of the girls (we’ll call her Kasey) decided that associating with “zionists” like me and my one other Jewish friend wasn’t sustainable (I assume).

The one “conversation” we had with her (that now has been framed as a “fight” somehow) was me and my friend so so gently and carefully and kindly pointing out via instagram that one of the dozens of propaganda things she was sharing in her stories was problematic, and explaining to her why. It’s actually pathetic how much we were trying not to hurt HER feelings and assure her we also don’t like bibi, etc (btw she is not Arab, Palestinian, Muslim, nada. She just decided to care deeply about this one thing post-10/7 and utilize her instagram to only share things about big bad Israel—she has never posted a single political thing before mind you).

She responded to our message in a wishy washy fashion and ofc didn’t offer to take down the offending post. Then WE thanked HER for listening to us and hearing us out. LMAO. My Jewish friend then messaged Kasey separately asking her in a heartbreaking way to please show some support for Jews—for her. Not Israel, not the war, just Jews. Kasey responded by saying “well a week ago i shared this post that mentioned Jews” and that her main priority was caring about the people in Gaza. Yeah.

From that point on my friend and I decided to be cordial with Kasey but not go out of our way to see her outside of when the larger group got together. Which I think is very forgiving of us. My Jewish friend even still extended Kasey the invite to come to her own home!! She ofc continued posting ridiculous shit to her instagram relentlessly, but at one point must have blocked us from her stories bc one of the other girls told us she had been posting things we weren’t seeing. Guess she couldn’t handle being challenged on her views.

Well anyway, soon enough Kasey decided to stop interacting in the group chat at all. I guess our presence in her life even digitally was too much for her! Despite the fact our only “conversation” was the single one on instagram that was extremely cordial and respectful on our end. So I can only guess why she didn’t want to associate with us Jews anymore…

A little while later I hung out with one of the other girls in the group—Cat. Cat is someone who has studied history in some ways and had been open about listening in the past. So I opened up to her about my frustration and anger about the rising antisemitism in the US, and the impossible situation I felt Israel was in with Hamas locating themselves in civilian areas, etc. I can’t tell you the amount of times I stressed how upsetting it was for me to see so many people dying and how heartbreaking it was. I theorized about day 2 and what it would take to de-radicalize Gaza, which would entail re-education, etc. (This is foreshadowing.)

And then one day I was doom scrolling as one does and saw a claim that some American professor was posting blatant terrorist support on his instagram page which I thought was outrageous as any sane person would. I went to his profile to see for myself, and sure enough it was true. Nothing that was iffy about it—this was straight praise for Hamas and the Houthis. And guess who was shown as a mutual follower of ours. Yep, Kasey.

So despite the fact that in hindsight Kasey stepped over the line way before that, this was truly the last straw for me. and I never understood what “seeing red” meant before then. But I blocked her that very moment without even thinking about it.

The group chat has continued to be completely dead and anyone close to Kasey have also made zero attempts to speak to me or my Jewish friend.

Fast forward to today…

and I learn that Cat has been telling at least one person that I told her that I think children in Gaza deserve to die.

Do I laugh or cry or scream??

I haven’t spoken to Cat in a hot minute, but considered her still a friend of sorts. Overall I of accepted I was no longer a part of the group (me and the other Jewish friend have been making a lovely Jewish girl gang for ourselves this past year so I don’t feel the loss), so tbh I’m not heartbroken about losing Cat as well since I’ve already divorced myself from that group as a whole—I’m more so flabbergasted.

Kasey was bad enough (I’m still very angry about it and will never forgive nor forget and will hold this grudge until the day I die btw), but this behavior from Cat is just something I cannot wrap my head around.

I never in a million years would have thought that an Israel Palestine issue would be what people used to demonize and character assassinate me, but here we are!!!!

[tigers1o1]

Exactly 1 person told me to hand it over SO

Lunadeyis Tampers with the Timeline AU (theory?)

Basically: In the Original Prophecy, before Gillion was even born, Lunadeyis and Aster saw that Gillion would be the perfect champion to either unite or destroy the over and undersea. Originally, he was to be raised by his parents, learn the ferocity of his mother, the undying loyalty of her sharks, the gentleness and love that his father shows his plants, and the compassion from his sister. These were the makings of their champion.

However. The Elders became obsessed with the prophecy, and sought out the chosen one to raise him as their own champion. They took him from his parents when he was barely old enough to speak. Lunadeyis saw her Elders meddling in the prophecy but allowed it to happen for a while because she thought they had her champions best at heart. She was wrong, and he grew into a malleable weapon for the elders, knowing no love or gentleness is his heart. She sought for another way to teach him these virtues. She scoured all of mana for someone to teach him, and she came across two people. One, a rat bastard destined to die within the next three years. Starvation, probably, or winding up in a fight he couldnt handle. And a girl destined to live and die in her sister’s shadow, never the prodigal child. These two would never have anything going for them, no one to remember or care of their life or death. However, if she tweaked a few things, allowed the boy to live and the girl to emerge from her sisters shadow and choose her own freedom. Well, they’d be perfect to teach Gillion better about himself, about the compassion of the world, and the loyalty of a crew. She forced her hand into destiny, altered the lives of thousands, and cast Gillion out of the undersea so that he would learn.

Had the elders not gotten involved, and subsequently made Lunadeyis mess with the timeline, Jayson wouldn’t have been corrupted with power, the navy would still be a force of good, Ava would be alive, Lizzie would have never met her, Lizzie would have been the one to seek out the Black Rose instead of chip, Chip would have died at 17-18, the coup on zero would have never happened, etc.

And when the crew learns of this, it destroys them all, because Gillion learns that he was supposed to grow up with his family, without all of that trauma, and that in a sense this was all his fault. Chip would have died, never having amounted to anything, so hes happy that he got to live, but at what cost? And jay? Oh Jay’s fucking *gutted*. Ava died a needless death because of this. She lost her sister, when that was never her destiny, but if she hadnt lost her, she would have never met the people she also loves or lived the life that freed her.

And when Chip tells Lizzie about it later? She’s the only person that is happy about any of it. If loving Ava meant losing her, then Lizzie would lose her a thousands times over just to experience that love. And as much as the Death of Ava hurt her, she’s grateful that Chip lived.

Also Aster Punches Lunadeyis in the face because WHAT THE FUCK

[bimobuddy]

Light in a Dark Place

SFW Hazbin tickle fic

Ler!Lilith, Lee!Lucifer

note: I've heard that Lilith's horns were just part of her crown and not actually attached, but for this fic, let's pretend they're real

CW: Mention of her horns growing and how painful it was, but nothing major

Summary: Having just been cast out of Heaven, the couple only has each other for comfort. When Lilith discovers that she can pull her favorite sound out of her husband, she jumps at the chance to do so.

Her head was still tender from the sudden growth of horns. She remembered how painful it had been for them to break the skin and grow out of her skull. How Lucifer had held her the entire time, comforting her through it.

And she'd often try to return that feeling to him. She'd started with words, and soft touching, usually just holding his hand or cupping his cheeks. At first she was worried she wasn't doing it right, or that she couldn't give back the same feeling he had given her, but after seeing the lovestruck look in his eye, she figured she was doing okay.

She had a hard time fixing her hair without wincing in pain. Luckily, Lucifer would often do it for her, always careful to avoid touching her horns.

Still new to existence, Lilith was still figuring out what love was, but she had come to realize that when Lucifer was gentle with her, that must have been what it felt like.

Not long after they fell together, Lucifer had created a home for them to live in. It was small for now, but Lucifer loved to go on and on about the future, promising her a big castle to rule in. Speaking of the Devil, he was sat on the floor behind her, trying to brush out his wings, which was rather hard to do by himself, since it was usually a social activity, done by other angels.

Lilith carefully ran her fingers through her hair that her husband had just brushed for her that morning. She turned away from the window and approached him, wordlessly taking the brush from him as she sat down. She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to. Lucifer understood what she meant was, 'Here darling, I've got you.'

Lilith had never brushed an angel's wings before. She tilted her head a little and decided to just start at the base, close to where they connected to his back. As the bristles pushed through the soft downy feathers and brushed against the skin underneath, Lucifer jumped, flapping his wings out of reflex, accidentally hitting his wife in the process. Immediately, he folded in all six wings and spun around, gently cupping her face to see if he had hurt her.

"Lilly?"

"I'm alright."

She watched as her angel visibly relaxed, his wings unfolding a little and resting on the floor. "I'm sorry, dear, it was just a reflex. I should have warned you, my wings are really ticklish- My brothers used to have to hold them down so I didn't hit Michael while he preened them."

His already-red cheeks flushed as he said this, and he would have continued to ramble if he hadn't caught the confusion on Lilith's face. "What's ticklish?" She asked.

Lucifer's cheeks seemed to get ever redder. "Well, it's... How do I explain it? Give me your hand, lovely." As she did, he gently traced his fingers up her forearm, looking for any sort of reaction. When she just watched his hand and tilted her head, he wondered if she maybe wasn't ticklish.

"Is it supposed to... buzz?" She asked. Lucifer nodded. "Yes, that's ticklish. However it seems you're not very ticklish here.. Maybe we can test that out later, but for me, it's like that buzzing feeling but.. well a lot more intense."

"Where else does it work?" She asked. Lucifer normally wouldn't have told anyone, but how could he say no to that face? The way she looked at him with so much excitement and love.

"It makes you laugh," she said, "It's a reflex." Lucifer couldn't help but be a little surprised that she learned that so quickly. He nodded. "Yeah." Lilith picked him up and placed him in her lap with a smile (one that flustered the hell out of the angel) and seemed to look him over.

He sighed, blushing. "A-Anywhere, really, just be gehe- gehehehentle!" He started giggling, slapping his hands over his face to 'hide' as she started to trace over his tummy. Her first time exploring this and she somehow already found one of his worse spots.

As Lilith continued to trace circles around his belly, she noticed he had started to softly kick his legs out against the floor, giggling up a storm behind his hands. Curiously, she took ahold of one of his legs and started to squeeze his thigh, getting a loud squeal out of him. "AHA! Lihihilly, plehehease!"

"Does this make you happy?" She asked randomly, gently skittering at the back of his knee. Lucifer blushed hard at this question "Whahahat?" He asked, his giggles getting squeakier. She stopped tickling him and cupped his face, leaning in close.

"Does this make you happy?" She repeated. "When I tickle you, do you like it?"

He felt his whole face go red as he burst into soft, flustered giggles, turning his head so his face was buried into one of her hands. "You cahahan't juhust ahahask thahat!"

Seeing her husband suddenly so shy and giggly got her chuckling as well as she took his hands, leaning their foreheads together. She may have been the more serious of the two, but she loved silly moments like this with her goofy little angel. "Whyhy not?"

"Becahause it's- well it's silly." Lucifer answered, looking away. Lilith gently cupped his cheek and guided his head back to look at her. "You're silly, answering this question should be easy for you."

The king leaned his head into her hand. "...Yes, it does make me happy, especially when it's you." He held his hand over hers and turned his head to kiss her palm. The gesture was so simple, but still got Lilith blushing. She rarely ever got shy or flustered, it just wasn't like her.

She saw Lucifer open his mouth to comment on it, probably to tease her, but she got him first, gently squeezing his hips. He wheezed and bucked, tossing his head back in angelic laughter.

"Lihihihilly! Wahahahahait! Hahahaha!"

He tried to curl up and protect himself, but never pushed her away. Even when she squished up and down his thighs, he couldn't push her away. Instead, he just laid there and cackled.

Lilith smiled and scribbled up his ribs until she gently dug into his underarms, getting him to squeal and arch his back. He clamped his arms down over her hands and giggled frantically, and she just loved it. His laugh was her favorite song.

She was definitely going to do this more often.

[thinkingaboutbetterdays]

family. ( nick burkhardt x reader )

gif belongs to me

You crossed paths with Monroe due to your role within the Wesen council, however, you considered him a friend. When you heard the council planned to strike Nick, the Grimm you had once stopped by to talk about, concerned for Monroe's safety once news got out that he was friends with a Grimm, you warned the Blutbad and he was grateful for the heads up. Then when the attack was arranged, you went to help him defend the Grimm.

While not the strongest Wesen, a Pflichttreue is loyal, fearless, and smart, and you know how to outsmart your enemies. The council knew about your friendship with Monroe, hence why you resorted to spying to find out what they were hiding. Monroe had told you about the trailer and you found the duo inside, warning them that the council was on their way.

"This is Nick. The one they're trying to kill." Monroe introduced.

You sent the Blutbad a smile, "I know. I've seen a picture." You both looked towards the door when you heard footsteps outside, smelling the Wesen arriving. "They're here."

"You don't have to stay and fight," Nick told you.

"I'm already on their bad side. Might as well go for broke. Besides, any friend of Monroe's is a friend of mine." You glanced at Monroe who sent you a small smile before looking at Nick when he held out a gun to you.

"Thank you."

"Thank me if we're still alive." You sent him a smile, cocking the shotgun.

It became common after that night that you spent time in the trailer, bringing your own knowledge to the team. You were shunned from the Wesen community, even Pflichttreue's refused to stand by your side after learning you had aided a Grimm. Nick felt guilty for the way you were cast aside, but you never let it show that you were affected, although it hurt when your closest friends refused to talk to you.

There were many times Nick had observed you when you weren't looking as you both scoured books for answers. Tonight was no different.

"I think I found it." You spoke up and looked over at the Grimm as he stood next to you, leaning on the table. "Here." You translated the text from German and looked up at him, realizing how close you were.

"Have I told you how much I appreciate all your help?"

"You may have mentioned it once or twice." You smiled. He frequently called you brilliant or thanked you for helping him. You knew he felt guilty that you had been shunned by the Wesen community but you formed stronger friendships with him, Hank, and Monroe.

Nick often thought about that night as it was the first time you kissed. Before you could discuss what it meant, Hank called and he had to meet him to follow up a lead. "We'll talk about this later?"

You sent him a smile, "Sure."

He mirrored the smile as he left.

Now here you were, two years later, giving birth to your first child. Your family had come around to your relationship with a Grimm, although there were moments when you felt they kept him at a distance, and when you had contractions for over an hour, you called your mother, hoping she would drive you to the hospital. You had prolonged going to the hospital, keeping busy until your water broke, and were now more than ready for some painkillers.

Instead of going to the hospital, she took you upstairs, explaining the tradition of home births, and how all the women in your family had given birth at home. You realized quickly it was pointless arguing to go to the hospital, and you were already too tired to try.

"Can you call Nick? I want him to be here." You told her as you lay on the bed, your mother propping your back with the pillows.

"What is he going to do? He's a detective, not a doctor."

You woge as a growl rose in your throat, glaring at your mother during a contraction. "Call Nick!"

She nodded, sighing as she used your cell phone to call him, leading to an argument as Nick believed you should go to a hospital. Your mother rushed over to you once she hung up, and you shifted back to your human form, following her breathing exercises.

"I'll be right back, I'll get a bowl of water and a cloth."

You nodded, continuing the exercises, closing your eyes as you hoped Nick would arrive soon. When she returned, your sisters and aunts were by her side with blankets and towels. Your aunt monitored your progress and it felt like days instead of hours when she announced it was time to start pushing.

"Where is Nick?"

It had been a while since your mother called him and he still hadn't arrived. Whether he was working a case, or searching leads on a Wesen, when you called and said you needed him he dropped everything and rushed to be by your side.

"I'll call him." Your sister said as she left the room. She sent you a smile over her shoulder when you thanked her.

Several minutes later she returned with her cell phone in hand and you knew her expression spelled something was wrong. "What? Oh, no, what is it?"

"He is stuck in traffic across town."

You threw your head back onto the headboard, groaning from despair and the pain. Your mother sat beside you, rubbing your arm, "Now, honey, everything will be fine. We're here."

Several hours passed by and you were beginning to lose hope Nick would arrive in time as your mother and sister held your hands, while one of your aunts dabbed your forehead, and another told you when to push.

A loud bang sounded downstairs and heavy footsteps followed until Nick appeared, grey eyes wide, hair disheveled and you cried out in relief at the sight of him.

"You're here!"

"Why are you sweating?" Your mother grimaced when he took your sister's space beside you.

"I ran halfway across town." He took your hand, covering your joined hands with his free hand. "How are you feeling?"

"Better now that you're here." You leaned against his chest, closing your eyes.

"I still think you should go to a hospital." He murmured as he kissed your head.

Before your mother could list the many women in your family who had given homebirths, you tightened your grip on their hands as you cried out, pushing as your aunt counted down from ten.

Soon a cry pierced the room as your son was born and Nick pressed a kiss to your forehead, smiling brightly as he murmured praises. You smiled softly, resting your head on his shoulder while your aunts wrapped the newborn in warm towels and blankets. You looked at your husband when he combed your hair away from your cheek, and he could see how tired you were from your smile.

"I love you."

He placed a hand on your cheek, leaning in to kiss you, pulling back to whisper, "I love you too," before pressing his lips to yours for a few moments longer.

"Oh, he's so beautiful!" The sound of your mother fawning over her grandson made you both pull away and your sister handed the baby to her. Your mother tucked the blanket beneath your son's chin, smiling as she looked over at you. "Well done, honey." Her eyes moved to Nick, nodding at the bathroom door. "Nick, come help me clean him up."

He kissed your forehead before standing up and you smiled as he walked away, looking at your aunt when she began to help clean you up. You were exhausted when he returned, carrying your son in his arms, your sister keeping you cool as she dabbed your forehead with a cold cloth.

"Is she okay?" He frowned, seeing you had woged.

"It's just the stress. She'll be fine." Your aunt assured him with a smile. "We'll leave you two alone."

"I'll be downstairs." Your mother said.

"Thank you." At first, he was concerned by their plan for a home birth, but now, knowing you both were okay, he was grateful.

Your mother sent him a nod and a small smile before she left.

The two had formed an understanding after their talk in the bathroom where she expressed her worry for you and your child due to being a Grimm and Nick explained that you hadn't helped him fight other Wesen since you found out you were pregnant and he planned to keep it that way, preferring to keep you out of harm's way despite knowing how well you could handle yourself in a fight if needed. You had stayed up late one night talking about his work as a Grimm and while you confessed that you could never feel the same way about anyone else, you would always worry about him, but you wanted to live as normal life as you could. Nick agreed, inwardly thrilled that your pregnancy had made you reconsider fighting alongside him. In the early days of your relationship, you had argued about it a lot, wondering if he didn't trust you enough but Nick explained that there was no one he trusted more than you and Monroe. You helped him become the Grimm he wanted to be, teaching him everything he needed to know and now that he could, he wanted to protect you - and for you to keep out of harm's way. 

When the room was empty, Nick closed the door and walked over to the bed with your son in his arms. He lay beside you, setting your son in the middle and you gazed down at the newborn with teary eyes. "Hey," 

"Hi," You sent him a smile as you lifted your eyes when you felt his stare and kissed him tenderly for a moment. You pulled away and both of you gazed down at your son who was sleeping soundly. Nick's eyebrows raised when he saw the white fur, a mixture of black spots and lined markings on your son's face.

"Whoa," He whispered.

You leaned down to nuzzle your nose against his, pulling away to watch as the fur disappeared and your son opened his grey eyes for a moment before you hushed him back to sleep.

"He's perfect, isn't he?"

Nick smiled at you as you gazed down adoringly at your sleeping son. "Yeah, he is."

You met his gaze, smiling softly. The birth of your first born brought your family and Nick closer, as your mother could see how dedicated he was to his family and how much he adored you both. She always dropped hints about another grandchild and Nick choked on his morning coffee when she mentioned your father's sister had six kids. You still helped him research Wesen but you never fought alongside him or Monroe, spending your time with your son and later your daughter. When you met Nick he had no family left and all you ever wanted was to have children of your own, pleased you could give him another family. You knew that your children would hardly be 'normal' being half-Grimm and half-Pflichttreue but you wanted them to live in both worlds. Go to parties with their friends and grow up being taught everything Nick had to learn on his own. You wanted them to grow up knowing exactly who they were and how much they were loved. Nick wanted them to be prepared, to know his side of the family and when he came home one night from work he had listened outside the door of the bedroom as you told your children stories he had told you about his parents and Marie, he became teary-eyed.

His favorite moments were when he could stay home and make the most of his time with the family you had created. Nick would wake up when your son cried and change his diaper before taking him downstairs for breakfast, allowing you to sleep undisturbed. The first few times it happened you would suddenly wake up on high alert and rush downstairs to find Nick lying on the floor with your son on his playmat or on the sofa with your son on his chest.

"Can you say mama? Dada? How about Grimm?"

You smiled as you approached the two and leaned on the back of the sofa as you greeted them. "I think he's a little young for that last one."

"I thought I was starting him off easy. Your mother was trying to teach him how to say Pflichttreue the other day."

You giggled, leaning over to kiss him good morning before heading to the kitchen to make some coffee.

When his aunt died he felt alone in the world - taking him back all those years to when his parents died. But you had given him everything he ever wanted, spent every minute taking care of him and your family, and Nick was both grateful and in complete awe of you, lucky he got to call you his wife and the mother of his children.

[exo-raskreia]

what do you have to say about when ichigo was fighting grimmjow and was getting beaten up but he won bc of orihime pleas and cries? im not saying ichiruki is bad bc it is true you could say they have more time together (and emotions, feelings) but i think you can't deny either that ichigo won against grimmjow bc of orihime that time

Uh, what? You mean when she was scared of him & little Nel had to give her a push to cheer him on? 😒

Meanwhile, Rukia was never scared of him, never doubted him, & would've given him an encouraging speech right before he even started 😌.

I considered not answering this ask cuz it just sounds so... dumb.

But, I guess I can entertain this a bit...

Yeah, Ori contributed so much that Ichigo forgot to thank her, but he did thank little Nel.

Also, notice how he gave Nel AND Ori the same look 🫢

🤣

He's given the same look to his sisters too. Meanwhile, the way he looked at Rukia was so vastly different... 😩 Check out this post for example.

The funniest part is that the reason Ichigo fought Grimmjow in HM (and one of his main motivations to even go there—Ori getting kidnapped was the excuse he needed) was because he had a personal vendetta against him for hurting Rukia. But, Ichigo was in denial & claimed he only came to save Inoue until Grimmjow called him out on it.

It's basically like:

Whoa, what? 👀

You're onto something...

Hmm...

Ah, so it's true! 👀

This screenshot with the bonus databook info from this amazing post, though 👀:

I also think it's funny how he asked her to heal him before the fight. He didn't face her directly & basically came off as: "Just heal me already." 🤭

Ori simply did the bare minimum in cheering for a friend risking their life. Anyone else in her place doing the same would have given some encouragement to Ichigo (I remember being so annoyed at her for fearing him while he was fighting the enemy. When she finally snapped out of it, I was like, "About time." 🙄).

(Btw, there is an interesting interpretation of Ichigo's reaction to Ori's words here. What she said may not have been the words Ichigo needed nor wanted to hear...)

You might think after this, Ori would have finally started to develop; if Kub0 had wanted, IH could have started to get somewhere... but what happened later at the dome & then the Fullbring arc told us otherwise (what happened at the dome should've solidified for everyone that IH do NOT work together & bring out the WORST in each other 🤷‍♀️). Ori did not learn a single thing... she even got worse in TYBW...

(This post pokes fun at this part 🤪)

You think this is what Ichigo needed to hear at such a crucial moment?! Rukia would've never said such a thing! 😤

There's an interesting IR post here about Ichigo's potential love language being Words of Affirmation. And Rukia was the perfect person to fill his little love tank; her words always meant so much to him 💞.

Also, canonically, Ichigo spent more time around Ori's vicinity than Rukia's, & yet they couldn't develop any special bond. Ichigo spent 17 months without Rukia, but him & Ori still. didn't. get. anywhere. Ori had no development from her experience in HM & was still pathetically simping over Ichigo while he was none the wiser (and couldn't care less) 🙄.

Anyway, even if Ori had contributed greatly to the Grimmjow fight, wasn't it nice of her to help Ichigo avenge another girl? 😊