#She can step on me any day
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pretty minor thing to think about, but i find it interesting how chapter 7 is the first chapter illustration to show chizuutan as chizuru (instead of chuutan)
like, i get it’s a flashback chapter, but we hardly got to see her as chizuru in the previous few chapters thus far… maybe we’ll get to see more of her as her true self after the hiyori fight/make up? only future chapters may tell, i guess…
#there’s like 5 weeks to go till chapter 6 is released into the rest of the world and i m n o t r e a d y—#man. chapter 5 still manages to ruin my mood no matter how many times i read it… man.#i was having so much fun with renren and concon and the 3 stooges and th e n.#imagine putting on a (somewhat) perfect/cute act to hide your true self because you know you’re unlovable the way you are#but then someone else runs along and screws up every step of the way without putting on any airs and is adored for it anyway…#i imagine chapter 6 will be much worse. especially since the start of the flashback begins there…#i sincerely hope the flashback ends in chapter 7 bc aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#though. considering where we are now in the series. i think there’s a chance that vol 2 will come out at the end of december#ch 8 will prolly start to drop somewhere around the later half of november so it seems about right…#b u t if there’s the preorder bonus manga for vol 2 in dec can we have santa girl chuutan in it p l s—#i think we’ll need an incredibly cute bonus feature to lift the mood from whatever the heck’s going on with vol 2’s chapters#bc. idk. im sensing some self hatred with this one chizuchan… it’s as though she can only love herself if she’s dolled up as chuutan…#like. even in her aizo self-insert delusions she’s thinking of herself as chuutan… maybe im reading too much into this. hm.#but then again she even puts on makeup when she’s at home in her own room…#w a i t a sec what if this wack behaviour only came about bc of what’s about to be revealed in the flashbacks. wait. no. w h a t if—#i hope manga chizuchan will be able to love herself properly soon… we all love you chizuchan~~~~~~~~~~#this. too. is our oshi no—#dammit why is something set in the same universe as the [redacted] anime making me feel things??? i hate itttttttttt#anyways. wh. what if one of the h10w turns out to be an anime adaptation of the chizuchan manga#and they’re just waiting on. like. the final vol to announce it.#it’d make the most sense for an anime series at this point… since chizuchan is marketable and it’s set in the same anime verse#so there’s no inconsistencies to retcon and such…#but!!!! most importantly!!!!!! we’d be able to see animated renren and concon!!!!!!!#…but something like this will only appear in my delusions huh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#mousou dake no kawaikute gomen anime#ok that’s enough thinking for the day; back to kimikawaii mv g o o d b y e~~~~#chizuutan chizpost
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HEY DIDU GET A LOT OF VOTING MAIL?
this is what the ACTUAL absentee ballot envelope looks like if you've been waiting for it and aren't sure if it's in the pile of other shit they send out!!!
it will have this logo on it and also specify that it is "official absentee balloting material"
every 'official' looking piece of mail i got for weeks i thought would be it and wasn't, my ballot was returned to the city clerk office so i went in and picked up a new one in person
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YOU CAN DO THIS TOO!! i am holding your hand, i am prepping a blanket fort for you to crawl into and hide once you get back, it's ok, we can do this<3
IF YOU'RE MISSING YOUR BALLOT, check vote dot org, or, just google your city/town and 'election office' or 'municipal clerk', you can go in and let them know you don't have your ballot yet and would like to cancel what they sent out and pick up a new one in person, you may even be able to just fill it out there and hand it back to them all in one trip!
i'll rebagel with some links i can get a better pic also if anyone needs sorry i was just sending it to the gc but then decided to also post ;w;'
#remembering now i saw another post that had this logo on it#but id forgotten OTL#im not sure if the envelope may look a little different if its actually Mailed and not Handed over the counter but prob just addresses#vote#just me#fucking FINALLY have this thing it was expected the FIRST WEEK OF OCT#i dont want to go up there a Third time but i refuse to just mail it back i dont trust it i am Handing this to a physical person#dont be complacent- remember hillary was 'so far ahead she doesnt think about trump' IDC WHAT THE STATS LOOK LIKE RN#we need to assume that Every asshole and racist and malicious bastard out there who can vote are going to because they Will#because its just another day to them just another act of bigotry whereas anyone with a#conscience is having a fucking nightmare of a time about it AND THATS OK me too bud but thats why we gota do it<3#a lesser evil is still less evil#pick the one that wont make it even More impossible to ever be able to get ranked choice voting so we dont *have* to pick between evils#we can pick good#but rn we just have to pick as good as is possible to Get there#im doing it you can too<3#there are so many step by step posts out there and vote.org really does make it ez but if you got any questions lmk#anon asks are on u can message u can email whatever lol idc if u need help to get this done i will do my damndest
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/breathes. This icon is called killme003.png for the sake of this post because honestly, where yesterday I was rather demotivated from writing up more meta, I woke up today with the strength of all Aeons in existence (and... not-so-in-existence-anymore) for intense research. So I put my thoughts through the sternest 'let's try to shake and shoot up the perspective/logic/theory' process that I could manage, and it's still standing. If anything, I'm more certain than I was yesterday or a week ago, that MHY is doing something substantial, and vastly nuanced with this damned character. I thought I had big-brain thoughts on/for Guizhong, but I don't know if those hold a candle to the ones I have for Kafka (actually, they really do). My issue with this lady in wine though, I don't know where to start writing it all down. It's like 10 messy whiteboards that are hypotheses on her trailer, the words she uses therein, "Don't be afraid, listen to me, wasn't it you, who invited me?", "Destiny has thousands of faces, why does it choose to wear this one?", "Stealing a glance?" during someone's final moments during her spirit whisper? Like, come on, you can't tell me she doesn't play into fate somehow beyond what we've all obviously gathered. You can't tell me that there isn't a more authentic face that has been staring right at us this entire time. She borderline if not directly says it right to us, but we're almost taught to not listen anymore, to think that there's more to something, but what if writers are using that against us, what if this is an instance where we should take words at direct face value? On top of everything else, of course. Fate is "inevitable" and right in front of us always, after all.
God, imagine a being tied so intricately woven into fate (vastly differently from Elio, mind you), speaking quotes upon quotes about the inevitability of fate, and being tied to nihilism, and yet firmly holding some sort of faith into choice, and hounds us on it. I mean come on, one of the main quotes in the entire story of HSR are her words: "When you have the chance to make a choice, make one that you know you won't regret." And she directly tells us in her own SQ, and it is a confirmed truth and not a lie, that Kafka herself does not believe destiny to be predetermined. Now to what capacity? We don't know. But the contrast of this, the rich nuance in this drives me insane. The duality of this woman, the spider (which itself is already a duality of a creature) and the butterfly (not necessarily as juxtaposed as one would believe, it all depends on perspective), the curiosity/fascination opposite her boredom, the ease of her killing which is reinforced with the emotional distance of her submachine guns, and yet she speaks how we should "let morality be our (your) guide", which fits perfectly alongside the decision of having her wield a katana, a blade that was worn by those following the highest code of honor? Speaking of emotional distance, the way she speaks of humans and humanity feels so distant, along with her talk of fragility. God, I just, want to shake HVY very firmly and fiercely. The fact that her eyes are highly likely to be concealed (hello, red), the fact that her voice is altered consistently, and yet we're shown the depth and warmth of her actual voice, and the empathy it holds consistently around primarily one person (almost two).
I love writing meta, but I don't know where to begin. I don't know where to start, but I'll get there. I just wanted to show how messy my mind is, I suppose. It makes perfect sense in my head, I've seen the dots, I've connected them, I see you MiHoYo, and you're giving me everything my brain needs in terms of latching my claws into something. But my god, where do I start writing it all down.
#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.#[ /rests my fingers to my temples and applies pressure as if it'll give me all the answers. ]#[ i will get there. i wanted a challenge and i already knew i'd found one when i picked her up last year. but my god. ]#[ aeons give me strength to put all the stuff that's incredibly sensical and logical in my head-- to paper without it being nonsensical. ]#[ or appearing as such. ]#[ /wallows. ]#[ i should honestly have an early night and get up earlier-- i'll be gone throughout the afternoon so it'd be nice to have time... ]#[ in the morning. ]#[ or at least i believe it'll be in the afternoon. i'm gonna go sneak downstairs to check. ]#[ but hi welcome to another episode of sae losing her mind. ]#[ i'm getting one step closer to that looney bin every day. ]#[ meta. ] the mara's tether is firmly in her grasp. she will not pull upon it before the designated time; nor shall she relinquish it.#[ can i even tag it with this? no. but i'll do it any way for... reference i suppose. ]#[ any way-- GOODNIGHT LADIES AND GENTS. ]
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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as this continues to be relevant yeah idk I just think this whole RiverClan nonsense conflict would have been less annoying for me to read if RiverClan had actually descended into true chaos. a situation like Redscar’s field guide story where several cats try to claim authority. but in this case, it goes beyond just two cats fighting and the clan starts splitting into mini factions supporting one self-appointed candidate or the other. the problem being presented as “we all forgot how to do chores without a teacher permission slip :(” is so weird and lame. give me blood shed eat each other alive so i believe your plight ffs!!!
#warrior cats#asc#yarrow speaks#a starless clan#warrior cats sky#warrior cats shadow#wc criticism#uh i dont think this is spoilers? its the same as last book#sorry i take back that old post saying i didnt want to read about RiverClan brushing off Mothwings authority in this situation#turns out they really SHOULD have so that this plot would make more sense#bc as it stands i cant comprhend why she was unable to just point at Literally Anyone and ask them to organize some patrols for the day.#thats not appointing a leader its Just Doing Chores. switch off who does it every day who cares but how is it this much of a problem#i cant engage with this conflict at all with how its presented#idk first they said some senior warriors were *quietly and passively* gesturing to Frostpaw that they would like to be leader#but then later they said that no senior warrior would step forward. which is it. i just cant stop thinking of all the many many times-#-rando warriors were given temporary patrol organizing duties. it happens all the time. i just.#you cant rly tell me not One Single Cat here can organize some chores for a month or two#bc if thats true and mothwing is unable to just point at any warrior ask them to pick some patrols for the day-#then that suggests the problem is not lacking a starclan chosen leader the problem is apparently every single cat in this clan-#-is too incompetent for the job. and being officially appointed isnt going to suddenly give them that skill if they cant do it now#hence why i wish there had been some bloody fighting over this#but sitting around staring at the wall and doing nothing is cool too ig
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Dont be angry, Finnula said. Be smart.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Finnula#no spoilers pls first read along w me chapter spoilers in post & tags below w more annotations/quotes/notes/reacts/perspective 3 of 4#The City of Rivers… can Aelin get a City of Fire? cuz that would be cool & Elide already said “fear was another companion it can’t be worse#IT WAS LORCANS SHIRT😭 & he cared so much he lied so she’d use it from Gavriel/Rowan😭 OH ELORCAN😭😭😭#Yet this place seemed like a paradise. WHATS REAL? is it a Maeve illusion… but it sounds lovely; like Rowan could just fly around😭#Pink and blue flowers draped from windowsills; little canals wended between some of the streets ferrying people in bright long boats.#And though a good dose of fear would aid in her cover too much would spell her doom. -smart clever spy gal Annabeth Chase would be proud#And this city Rowan had told Elide had been built from stone to keep Brannon or any of his descendants from razing it to the ground.#when u know ur evil cuz you had to build in a backup plan for the day Brannons peeps eventually come to shut that shit down… my poor Aelin#Elide fought the limp that grew with each step farther into the city--farther away from Gavriel's magic… or Lorcan’s👀😭🖤🤨#okay Elide I see your mirror mirror Aos moves with the berry listen and compact trick she can do it with a broken heart#cycle. She hadn't been able to find the words anyway. Not with what it would crumple in her chest to even think them. WELL NOW IM CRUMPLED#As if she'd been weeping for weeks… yeah that fits the KoA vibes#But it wasn't the reflection she wanted to see. But rather the square behind her. — BRILLIANT QUEEN — lol thx Lorcan for having a mirror#if only anything could be a witch mirror then they could all cell chat and communicate cause the travel time in this one is rough#she was merely staring into a compact mirror no more than a self-conscious girl trying to fix her frazzled appearance — she is the best spy#A girl trying to muster some dignity. Let them see what they wanted to see-A girl far out of her element in this lovely well-dressed city#cornflower blue ALWAYS THESE SHADES#her golden-brown skin shone with an inner light. Her eyes were soft with kindness. And concern.#had always made them foolishly off guard and eager to get away. To tell her what she needed to know. — funny 2 watch Elide do this after HoF#The sort of voice Elide had always imagined great beauties possessing the sort of voice that made men fall all over themselves.#Cairn. One of the males swore; the other scanned Elide from head to toe. But the two females had gone still. — agreed he’s the worst#the portrait of hope—yeah child’s right cause no—Elide always naming people—If you escaped Cairn don't go looking for him again.—true#Cairn is blood-sworn to our queen. Still makes him a prick TRUTH — doesn’t need to be a far to catch the lie — WHERE IS SHE DAMNIT#She was about to do it again wheen… The dark-haired beauty from the tavern was standing behind her. — SHIT#Maeve was not in Doranelle. How long would that remain true? Had to make the next performance count. — how many had she done this already?🥹😭
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hello sorry if this is really long and tmi but besties i need some advice
#so this isnt what i usually post but#i really need advice bc i genuinely don't know how to go about this#my mom has a track record for saying really offhand things about trans people and their bodies#and at this point with the way she reacts I've learned to just... not say anything#it doesn't matter how gently I try word it I always get the 'i'm an ally and i'm trying and you *know* that i'm doing my best' response#so this weekend she said something about my cousin being 'biologically male' (they're nonbinary) and kinda shut down in the car and didn't#really say anything#she called me the day after to find out what was wrong#and i told her that she was being disrespectful about trans/nonbinary people and that this is an ongoing issue#and she took it very hard and ended the call very abruptly#she then proceeded to text me paragraphs about how good of an ally she is and how i needed to 'cut her more slack' even tho i've been doing#so for years#and she tried to call twice#and i had to set the boundary twice now of 'please don't reach out i'm not ready to talk and i want us to both step back from this and come#back to it later'#and now i'm putting the convo off because#it feels like theres nothing i can say to her that she'll understand/won't get super defensive about#at this point it feels like i've tried to address this problem as best/gently as i can and it's still isn't enough for her#i think she wants me to just forget about it but i don't want to anymore#sorry this was really long lmao#but please#any tips from my queer friends would be sick thank u#it me
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Who are your favorite superhero villains?
Ooooh hmm I gotta think on this one tbh.
Okay so Magneto, definitely. Love him in both the movies and the comics. I also really like Kevin Bacon's portrayal of Shaw in FC because he was so fucking hatable
(^ my thoughts on him my first time watching) (also me showing off the absolutely awful pfps Summer and I have rn <3)
Also! He's from a novel, not a comic, but Victor Vale from the Villains duology is one of my favorite supervillains. He's arguably more of an antihero, but he gets some super killer quotes like this one:
#my brain's blanking so they're the only ones i can think of rn#OH ALSO WHEN EMMA FROST IS EVIL#she could step on me any day#jamie answers#ask game#pax!#the mutuals
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Will you be commenting on the Taylor drama?
I love the way this was worded, like I'm one of the siblings on Succession and the press has cornered me outside my penthouse to ask if I'll be releasing a statement on my family's latest scandal. Hehehe anyways.
Sorry but I just don't understand how anyone is shocked. Truly what has that woman ever done to successfully convince people that this is out of character for her. Like I don't want to diminish anyone's pain or anything but I see all these stans on here and over on Twitter in all this distress, having their very first epiphanies like "Hold on . . . does Taylor . . . suck??" And I kinda just have to chuckle at them cause like bless your hearts babes, but omg catch UP 😭
Lol because 1) she is a severely emotionally stunted person who thinks edgy British "bad boys" are hot like she's 12 years old, 2) she has no true deeply-held moral principles outside of issues that directly affect herself, and 3) truthfully, she seems to be suffering from a serious crisis of identity after the end of the longest and most significant romantic relationship of her life, and in my opinion is pretty clearly desperate to prove something to the world/her ex/herself.
The first reason is cringe but not news to longtime viewers, the second reason is pathetic but also not news (to those who can be honest with themselves), and the third is . . . understandable in some sense, but not pitiable enough to make me willing to humor this insufferable little episode she's having. I wish her luck on this humiliating rebound journey, but she is gonna have to walk that road on her own.
Normally, I always roll my eyes when people make these kinds of jokes, but given the circumstances I feel justified in saying: I can't wait to hear the breakup song about him, sis 🤡
#the great thing about disliking your own fave is that they simply do not have the power to disappoint you lol#like her stans (at least those who arent complete sycophants—which sadly is not most) are breaking down over Babys 1st Cognitive Dissonance#meanwhile im just over here chilling lol#ive also just NEVER been particularly invested in her personal life anyways so im gucci on that front too#i didnt even realize specific songs were about specific celebrity exes until *several* years into listening to her music#thats how unplugged i am lol#she is unusually extremely visible in the collective conscious right now cause of the tour and this insufferable PR blitz#but the absolute best thing for me is when she disappears and i dont have to perceive her -- the actual person -- outside of her music#and then it can just be me and my lifelong companion the fictional character “taylor swift” (c)(r)(tm)#so personally the only real threat this hangs over my head is the thought she might put him on an album#like that does strike real terror in my heart im ngl#ESPECIALLY any of the rerecords oh my god#and given the way hes been tailing her in and out of that damn studio . . . its not looking good for me kids 🥴#i cant believe she would be that dumb after making the same mistake with joe on folklore#cause even tho now she has to suffer the indignity of sharing a grammy with her ex (LMAO)#at least we can understand that at the time she thought they were in it for life#but if she pulls that shit again with a REBOUND??? just to like stick it to joe or further delude herself or whatever?#idk im gonna need interpol or somebody to step in and do something drastic like this is a cry for help#did you guys see that euphoria meme someone made about her deranged “ive never been happier!!!!” speech the other day?#it was SO funny ill go find it
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retconning stroud out of the deep roads so i can shove laure amell and the hawke siblings and varric and anders all into the same little camp. they would all have such a bad time
#carver: dying of blight. with an inferiority complex. but mostly dying#danie: MY BROTHER!!! MY BABY BROTJER HELP HIM!!!!!#anders: oh god oh fuck. wait a minute. i recognize this area. isnt this where the commander should be? oh hell#varric: we are all going to 🪦die⚰️ in a 🕳 hole. not even a GOOD hole#warden commander laure amell of ferelden and amaranthine: oh. anders. glad you're not dead or a darkspawn but Why The Fuck Are You Here#anders: oh hell. uh.#warden commander laure amell of ferelden and amaranthine: actually shut up. darkspawn incoming. its too open here so follow me to camp#'uh- commander-' 'shut it. there are shrieks about. this is a nasty area to be in with non-wardens' [glaring disapprovingly]#they awkwardly walk to camp. sigrun and a couple other wardens are there. they all sit down & drop their stuff#amell sits on a stump and pulls out a corked bottle. pops the cork. sniffs it. takes a swig. her white hair almost seems to glow?#she coughs then asks anders 'so why *are* you this far in the deep roads with a band of nonwardens? how'd you even get here?'#anders pulls out the map and hands it over. she looks at it. her expression darkens. she rolls up the map and says 'Anders.' he looks up.#she whaps him on the head with the map and gripes 'do you have ANY idea how long I spent looking for these fucking maps?!' whap 'you dick!'#she whaps him one more time then stuffs the maps into her bag. 'that still doesn't tell me WHY you're here. out with it.'#varric speaks up: 'my asshole brother locked us in a thaig. we came down on an expedition and found an idol that he betrayed us for'#amell frowns. 'a *thaig*? there aren't any records in the shaperate of any out this far. this isn't even a main branch of the deep roads.'#'it could be ancient!' sigrun offers 'or an unsavory secret the shaperate 'lost'. like Caridin?' amell nods & turns back to varric.#'so you're looking for a way out.' they nod. 'and just happened to come by this way?' anders says 'no commander- we need your help.'#amell takes another swig of her bottle. her hair is definitely glowing slightly. 'who *doesn't* these days. but for a pair of old friends-'#she winks at anders. 'what is it you need?' danie interrupts. '-please- my brother is sick- if you can't help him he'll die!'#amell looks at hawke then at carver. gets up and steps over to him. kneels in front of him and unceremoniously grabs his face#tilts his chin up (carotid + jugular blackened) peels his eyelid back (sclera greying and bloodshot) pries open his mouth (tongue greying)#then releases his head and stands shaking her hands. 'oh yeah. that's blight for sure. this is why you sought me out?' anders nods.#'we'll take him. but you know- he may not survive the joining.' 'any chance is better than letting him die!' 'i agree.' amell says coolly.#'youre lucky. we can do it here but the prep will take time. rest. eat. be on your guard. and DO NOT touch my whiskey if you're not a mage.'#it takes like a day of prep. also no one has used amell's name so they havent figured out the Cousins thing yet#eventually amell pulls carver over to the fire and hands him a cup of the joining potion and says 'you get one warning. *don't flinch.*'#he drinks it. he lives. but he's unconscious. amell sends the party on their way#to anders: here. i found this not long after you left. *hands him the phylactery* you and justice be careful. it's getting chaotic out there#to hawke: for what it's worth im sorry. if ever you need the wardens' assistance i grant it under the authority of warden-commander amell
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noble consort wan my beloved milf <3
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I’m officially going back to work on Saturday <3
#just a two hour lunch cover. just to see if my knee can handle it or will try to kill me for standing for that long#but it feels like a big step. it feels massive to trust my knee like that again#gotta make sure i do all my exercises between now & then lol to make sure it’s as strong as it needs to be#but god i hate doing squats. i haaaate iiiiiittttttt#i hate doing the lateral band walk even more though. can i tell you a secret? i’ve skipped it the past couple of days#just couldn’t handle it on top of my lunges and my squats and standing on one knee on top of a pillow and swaying side to side to shift#my balance from leg to leg……. and the towel thing which is supposed to be strengthening my shitty vmo#and i thought the calf stretch was bad. BRO. i do the calf stretch ~240 times a day now. 120 per leg#the other night i woke up with one of those really bad cramps in my calf and i did the calf stretch and it went away#anyway. if anyone has any advice for doing squats when it feels like your kneecap may fall off if you do a squat; let me know#also let me know if you have any advice for doing a job where you have to stand and walk and stuff the whole time. and your knee feels like#it’s going to fall off. i am kind of freaking out ngl#i think i’m just going to dose myself up on painkillers; wear my brace and just do it#for god’s sake the assistant manager literally needs a knee replacement and she proceeds. i don’t need a knee replacement. i must be fine#personal
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We need better fucking care infrastructure. I should not be trusted with anyone's care ever 💛
#thing is caring for myself? I'm not GREAT at it but i can scrape by#i know my limits i know how much or little i need to survive i know that i can usually more or less bounce back after a tough time#i think if my life fell out from under me i could probably scrape it back even if i wound up doing a lot of couch surfing in the meantime#i genuinely don't know how I'll survive if i have to be fucking sole carer for someone#dad's on his way back now and he's been prescribed antibiotics and hopefully that's that#but at least a couple of times a year there's some shit like this#an awful cough or an infection or a fucking insane choice to like do some diy on the outside of the house standing on the windowsill#he fucking nearly chokes on his food once or twice a week#maybe he's just one of those cockroach type motherfuckers who'll never die no matter how the universe steps on him#but I'm fucking PISSED that he's taking that for granted and won't even sit and fucking talk to me about what happens when his luck runs out#I've been looking after mum alone for what four hours today and I'm already so tired and frustrated i wanna die#i am. a deeply impatient and unsociable creature.#i can be infinitely patient with friends! those are my fave people i chose to have them in my life I'd wait like a fucking mountain for them#mum and i were.... already sort of At Odds before all this started.#i'm the kid she never 100% really wanted and who never really 100% wanted to be here#and now we're stuck together and one day possibly sooner than any of us want it will be. just the two of us.#and i just. i don't know what that looks like. i really don't.#anyway. mental breakdown over hopefullly.#with a bit of luck dad and i actually fucking TALK before the next one#idk man. i never really knew what i wanted to do with my life but i thought I'd have time to figure it out#but maybe I'm just. the unqualified burnout with covid memory damage and a whole ass other human to care for#the exact thing i set out to avoid when i decided never to have kids#anyway. enough oversharing.#thank you anyone who's read my spiralling tag rambles in solidarity i love you#mr. bees speaks
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Have you ever seen a woman so beautiful you started crying
#arlecchino#god shes so BEAUTIFUL#cries in lesbian#shes so majestic#i want to marry her#she can step on me#or take me out any day#shes so perfect#genshin impact#i teared up ngl
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#to translate this post: someone liked this post i made (on the upper left) on AUGUST 28 having a moment of self awareness that i was running#away from my whole life and not moving or learni ng to drive or anything. it is now march 8. it has been almost 7 months. and i have made#basically zero progress. and there is nothing stopping me but me. i could read the drivers manual and whatever whenever i want. but i am not#doing anything. and i don’t know how to get myself to start.#purrs#i know it’s a cop out excuse but i truly do think it’s covid. i think being in lockdown for a year and a half made me just let go of any#sense of progress. made me scared to take steps forward. and i mean i did bc i lived on campus for a while after that but it’s like.. EVERY#part of my life is stagnant rn it seems. and it’s not just me it’s my siblings too. we’re all getting older but none of us is trying to move#out or gain our independence in any way and my brother isn’t even looking for jobs even though he needs one. we’re all just getting older#but we’ve lost (or maybe had knocked out of us by covid and our mom being so strict) any sense of moving ipward and spreading our wings.#forgotten we have wings at all. and ive done important things like going on a house tour or traveling with my besties (<3). but i have only#made it to page 8 of the drivers manual and i truly do not want to read the rest of it. i have only been on one house tour and im longing to#move out but how much am i really because i can’t bring myself to schedule another tour and start searching for a new home in earnest.#i just come home every day UTTERLY exhausted and spend all my free time trying to process or rest. and im not making room for myself to use#my wings. and it’s truly terrible. why are we all okay with living like this. my younger self would be HORRIFIED if she saw how much i had a#atrophied since graduating and moving back home. my brighton self would be HORRIFIED. i told myself i wouldn’t and then it’s exactly what i#did. and ik im being harsh and ive spread my wings in some important ways during this time but… these are so obvious. such low hanging#fruit in some ways. bc any 16 year old can take this test and pass it so why can’t i at 24? why won’t i let myself? dont i want a nice cozy#home i make my own where i can eat what i want and sleep when i want and have control over sounds? then why am i not running for it?#delete later#i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 my one precious life 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃#also LMFAOOOOO the next tag on that aug 28 post was that i need to get a new campus id card… guess who hasn’t done that either ♥️
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do you ever think you got over something and then it hits you again
#thinking about my ex best friend who i loved so much and who just started limiting contact with me step by step#until we reached the point where we text maybe once a month about literally nothing#it's been over a year and i still have no idea what i did wrong#i mean i asked but i was told that i didn't do anything she was just busy#and every time i think i got over it it just hits me again#and it hurts all over again#and makes my mind fog up for a few days with another depressive episode sigh#and i can already feel another one coming#(tho i really wish i knew what it is about me that's so unlovable. i've been told by another friend im too much so this must be a part of it#and i know too much and i deserve it but that doesn't make it hurt any less#it's pathetic really#but i know no one is reading this so i can at least put my thoughts somewhere since no one cares enough to read this lmao#my ramblings
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