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marie-swriting · 1 year ago

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Nouveau Futur - Natasha "Phoenix" Trace

Top Gun Maverick Masterlist

Résumé : Après le dernier déploiement de Natasha, tu espères que votre relation ne se détériore pas à nouveau.

Warnings : angst, fin triste, dites-moi si j'en ai loupés d'autres.

Nombre de mots : 2.4k

Version anglaise

Chanson qui m'a inspiré : It'll Be Okay par Shawn Mendes

Surexcitée, tu cours et sautes dans les bras de Natasha, la faisant lâcher son sac par la même occasion. Elle rigole avant de t’enlacer. Tu poses tes lèvres sur celles de ta petite amie tout en gardant tes bras autour de sa nuque. Tu n’avais pas senti ses lèvres pendant un mois et deux semaines. En d’autres termes, elles t’ont manqué.

Natasha était en déploiement pour une mission dont tu ignores tous les détails. De plus, vous n’avez pas pu communiquer autant que vous l’auriez voulu alors elle t’a également manqué. Pendant que vous vous embrassez passionnément, vous entendez des sifflements autour de vous.

-Allez dans une chambre, s’exclame Hangman sur un ton moqueur.

Pour simple réponse, Natasha continue à t’embrasser et fait un doigt à Jake. Il rigole et continue de marcher avec Bradley.

Quand vous vous séparez, Natasha prend ta main et récupère son sac au sol puis vous vous rendez à ta voiture. Sur le chemin, tu laisses Natasha se reposer, malgré ton envie de lui raconter tout ce qu’elle a manqué. Le sourire sur tes lèvres n’arrivent pas à partir, tellement tu es contente de la retrouver.

En arrivant, tu secoues légèrement Natasha. Une fois réveillée, vous rentrez dans votre maison en pleine rénovation. Vous l’avez achetée un mois avant qu’elle ne parte.

Vous viviez une période assez compliquée - ce n’était pas la première, mais c’était la pire - et vous avez pensé qu’acheter un bien immobilier vous permettrait de vous rapprocher. Quand vous avez eu les clés, ça a fonctionné. La joie de passer à un nouveau stade de votre relation et de créer votre propre cocon vous a donné ce petit coup de pouce dont vous aviez besoin.

Votre relation battait de l’aile, non pas parce que vous ne vous aimiez plus, bien au contraire, mais à cause d’éléments qui ne semblaient ne plus fonctionner entre vous deux, le principal étant le travail prenant de Natasha. Jugeant que c’était seulement un mauvais moment, vous avez préféré en créer un bon.

Malheureusement, Natasha n’a pas eu le temps de beaucoup rénover la maison. Vous aviez commencé la chambre ensemble, enlevant le papier peint et commençant la peinture jusqu’à son départ. Entretemps, tu as fini la pièce. Natasha n’a pas pu encore la voir.

Alors, en arrivant chez vous, tu lui fais fermer les yeux et la guide jusqu’à votre chambre commune. Quand vous y êtes, tu lui murmures à l’oreille qu’elle peut regarder. En ouvrant les yeux, un grand sourire prend place sur son visage. À première vue, il n’y a pas de défauts - même si tu sais les coins que tu as loupés - et tu as monté les différents meubles que vous aviez choisis ensemble. Tu es fière du travail que tu as fait.

-Tu as géré ! Ça rend tellement bien, complimente Natasha, épatée.

-Je suis contente que tu adores ! D’ailleurs, t’as intérêt à l’apprécier ta commode car elle était chiante à monter, informes-tu en pointant vers le meuble en question. Il y a également ces cadres que je voulais mettre aux murs, mais j’ai préféré attendre ton retour avant de faire des trous.

En expliquant, tu te diriges vers votre commode et le mur pour récupérer les quatre cadres de la même taille. Tu les disposes par terre pour qu’elle puisse voir les photos. Tu as fait plusieurs montages sur un site de photos avec des moments de vos voyages et des moments plus anodins pendant votre relation, comme des soirées au Hard Deck, à la plage ou dans vos anciens appartements respectifs. Tu lui montres où tu pensais les accrocher pendant qu’elle continue à admirer les clichés.

-J’adore ! J’avais oublié certaines des photos, s’exclame-t-elle en regardant une photo de vous deux dans un restaurant.

-C’est bien pour ça que je les ai développés. Alors, t’en penses quoi ? Je peux faire les trous ? questionnes-tu, impatiente.

-Totalement, ça rendra bien. On le fait maintenant ?

-Tu ne veux pas te reposer ? On peut très bien le faire demain. Ils peuvent attendre un jour de plus, ils ne sont plus à ça près, rigoles-tu, Natasha secoue la tête.

-J’ai assez d’énergie pour ça. Par contre, après, je me douche et on reste allongées dans le lit, quémande-t-elle en posant ses mains sur tes hanches.

-Je vais chercher la perceuse.

Tu embrasses sa joue puis tu vas dans la chambre d’ami qui est actuellement plus un débarras et récupère les outils. Avant de sortir de la pièce, tu la regardes une dernière fois avec tendresse. En achetant cette maison, vous avez décidé que cette pièce serait la chambre d’ami jusqu’au moment où vous voudriez un enfant. Vous ne savez pas vraiment quand, mais c’est définitivement dans vos plans. Vous avez une idée complète du futur que vous souhaitez ensemble.

Il vous faut à peine une dizaine de minutes avant de percer les quatre trous et d’installer les cadres. Maintenant, tu as l’impression que votre chambre est finie.

Natasha va se doucher pendant que tu vides son sac et fais tourner une machine. Quand elle a fini, vous vous allongez dans votre lit, Natasha découvrant enfin le confort de ce nouveau matelas. Enlacées l’une contre l’autre, vous discutez. Tu caresses doucement ses cheveux, la berçant dans le sommeil. Une trentaine de minutes plus tard, ses respirations régulières te font comprendre qu’elle s’est endormie. Tu la regardes avec affection pendant que sa tête est posée contre ta poitrine. Délicatement, tu te baisses pour embrasser le haut de son crâne. Inconsciemment, Natasha se colle un peu plus contre toi. Tu aimerais mettre le moment sur pause pour rester dans votre bulle toute ta vie.

Cependant, ce moment est obligé d’avoir une fin. Après un peu moins de deux semaines à avoir Natasha à tes côtés, à te réveiller avec elle, tu sens les draps frois et non la chaleur de son corps en changeant de position dans votre lit. Tu ouvres un œil et tu trouves une place vide. Quand tu es sûre qu’il n’y a personne, tu ouvres totalement les yeux et regardes le réveil de Natasha sur sa table de nuit. En voyant qu’il est sept heures, tu devines où elle est.

Il n’est pas rare qu’elle soit appelée tôt dans la matinée pour une réunion ou autre mission. Votre proximité avec TopGun est à la fois une bénédiction et une malédiction. Elle n’est pas loin de toi s’ils ont besoin d’elle et par conséquent, ils font souvent appel à Natasha. Tu ne peux t’empêcher de te sentir agacée, même si tu sais que ça ne dépend pas d’elle.

En rentrant le soir, Natasha te retrouve dans le salon, la tête dans la notice de la bibliothèque. Quand elle arrive à ta hauteur, tu tournes la tête pour l’embrasser chastement. Tu es sur le point de retourner à la construction de ton meuble quand Natasha t’offre un bouquet de fleurs, souhaitant se faire pardonner pour son absence. Tu les acceptes avec plaisir et lui promets que tu ne lui en veux pas. Tu mets les fleurs dans un vase avant de retourner au salon.

Natasha admire la pièce qui est presque terminée. Il ne reste plus que le meuble télé à monter, si on oublie celui que tu es en train de faire. Depuis le retour de Natasha, tu avances beaucoup plus vite dans les rénovations. Vous avez pu finir les peintures que tu avais commencé avant son arrivée. Rapidement, Natasha enlève ses chaussures avant de venir t’aider à monter la bibliothèque. Tu lui demandes de tenir les planches pendant que tu visses. Quand tu as fini, tu prends une autre vis alors que Natasha attire ton attention.

-J’ai eu les informations pour mon prochain déploiement.

-Oh ? t’exclames-tu en arrêtant tout mouvement.

-Je… Je vais devoir repartir dans trois semaines.

-Mais tu viens à peine de rentrer.

-Je sais, mais c’est une mission urgente, ça ne peut pas attendre, explique Natasha en pinçant ses lèvres.

-Et ça sera pendant combien de temps ? questionnes-tu en jouant avec le tournevis.

-Deux mois, informe-t-elle avant de vite ajouter : je sais que ce n’est pas l’idéal et que tu vas devoir encore faire des rénovations seule, mais promis, en rentrant j'essaierai d’avoir du repos.

-Ce n’est pas grave. C’est ton job, rassures-tu en prenant sa main.

-Je sais, mais on ne s’est pas beaucoup vues ces derniers temps.

-On a qu’à profiter à fond des trois semaines qu’on a, alors, souris-tu.

Natasha t’embrasse, rassurée de savoir que tu n’es pas énervée par sa nouvelle. Sans plus attendre, vous reprenez la construction de la bibliothèque alors que ton esprit est perdu dans tes pensées. Peu importe si tu es avec Natasha depuis deux ans, tu détestes toujours quand elle doit partir. Tu sais que ton anxiété sera à son maximum et que tu te sentiras seule. Et puis, quand elle revient, vous avez toujours besoin d’un temps d’adaptation avant de retrouver votre routine habituelle. Tu repousses ces pensées dans un coin de tête, tu dois apprécier la présence de Natasha tant qu’elle est encore là, et tu te concentres sur le meuble.

Toutefois, les semaines suivantes ne sont pas tendres avec vous. Natasha n’est pas encore partie, mais c’est tout comme. Tout doucement, vous êtes retournées dans la phase dans laquelle vous étiez avant d’acheter votre maison. Vous êtes proches sans vraiment l’être. Elle doit souvent aller à TopGun et quand elle rentre, elle n’a pas l’énergie pour faire grand chose. Le rythme de vos rénovations a également ralenti et tu sens le fossé entre vous deux se creuser un peu plus chaque jour. Tu devrais être heureuse d’avoir Natasha à tes côtés et pourtant, tu es morose. Enfin, avec Natasha, vous parlez de moins en moins, malgré vos efforts communs. C’est comme si vous êtiez en train de devenir des inconnues.

Tu détestes cette situation. Ce n’est pas la première fois que vous y êtes et tu ne sais toujours pas quoi faire. Tu as l’impression qu’à chaque fois que vous vous êtes enfin retrouvées, un élément extérieur vous renvoie à la case départ. Cet élément extérieur est souvent un déploiement. Ces périodes où Natasha n’est pas là te pèse de plus en plus, malgré toi, et ça se ressent dans votre relation. Tu passes tes journées à chercher une solution. Tu aimes Natasha. Il doit y avoir un moyen pour y remédier. Tu ignores laquelle, même si une partie de toi pense que, peut-être, cette fois, il n’y a pas de solution. Rien que cette pensée te retourne l’estomac. Tu essayes de l’oublier.

Quelques jours avant qu’elle ne parte, tu te dis que tu ne peux plus garder ces pensées pour toi. Tu dois en parler avec Natasha. Votre couple vit une période compliquée, vous devez en discuter pour arranger les choses. Vous ne pouvez pas rester planter là à ne rien faire. Par conséquent, un soir, tandis que vous êtes en train de manger, tu attires l’attention de Natasha. Elle te lance un regard interrogateur, attendant que tu prennes la parole.

-On doit parler, Nat’. Et c’est sérieux, commences-tu d’une voix douce.

-Je voulais te parler aussi.

-Alors, tu sais tout comme moi qu’on doit faire quelque chose. On ne peut pas rester dans cette situation. Et comme tu pars bientôt, on doit régler ce problème.

-Je sais, admet-elle avant de marquer un silence. Je… Je pensais que, peut-être, je pourrais demander à changer de poste.

-Quoi ?

-Ouais, comme ça, je n’aurais pas besoin de partir autant.

-Mais tu aimes voler, t’exclames-tu, surprise.

-Je t’aime plus.

-Je ne peux pas te demander ça. Nat’, tu ne peux pas abandonner à cause de moi. Tu seras malheureuse si tu le fais et je ne le supporterai pas.

-Y/N, on doit être honnête, ça ne fonctionne plus entre nous parce que je ne fais que partir, affirme Natasha en te regardant dans les yeux.

-Peut-être qu’il faut juste qu’on trouve un meilleur équilibre entre notre couple et tes déploiements. Il nous faut peut-être une meilleure routine.

-On sait toutes les deux que ce n’est pas la solution. On a essayé plusieurs fois et on a toujours fini par se retrouver dans cette situation. C’est toujours temporaire. Cette maison en est la preuve, dit-elle en montrant les alentours de ses mains. Je pensais vraiment qu’en emménageant ensemble, tout irait mieux car on aurait un chez nous et ça serait plus simple pour se voir, mais ce n’est pas le cas.

-Je ne veux pas qu’on se sépare, objectes-tu, comprenant ce qu’elle sous-entend.

-Moi non plus, mais je sais que, tout comme moi, tu y as pensé aussi. Y/N, ce n’est pas grave, rassure Natasha en posant sa main sur la tienne.

-Comment tu peux dire ça ? Je t’aime. Je ne veux pas te perdre, chuchotes-tu d’une voix tremblante.

-Je ne veux pas te perdre non plus, mais si on arrive pas à régler ça, on n’a pas d’autre choix. Si on continue, ça risque d’être pire. Ce n’est pas grave si on arrive pas à faire fonctionner notre couple, on n’a pas besoin de régler la situation.

-Et le futur que l’on a imaginé alors ? demandes-tu, les larmes aux yeux.

-Il n’est peut-être pas fait pour arriver. Y/N, tout ira bien. On s’en remettra, déclare-t-elle, sa voix se brisant à sa dernière phrase.

-Je ne veux pas m’en remettre. Je veux rester avec toi.

Suite à ta phrase, tu exploses en sanglots. Les larmes de Natasha commençant à couler sur ses joues, elle se lève et vient à côté de toi pour te prendre dans ses bras. Vous vous serrez tout en continuant à deverser votre tristesse. Vous restez dans les bras de l’autre pendant un moment. Quand vous vous séparez, Natasha pose ses mains sur tes joues et les essuie pendant que les tiennes sont sur sa taille. Elle te fait un sourire compatissant, tu n’as pas la force de le lui rendre.

-Je suis désolée, souffles-tu.

-Tu n’as pas à t’excuser.

-Si, insistes-tu, quand on s’est mises ensemble, je t’avais promis que je savais dans quoi je m’engageais. Je pensais réellement que notre amour serait plus fort que ça.

-L’amour ne suffit pas toujours, malheureusement, sanglote-t-elle. Peut-être que, quand on sera un peu plus âgée, commence-t-elle en caressant du regard ton visage, on se retrouvera et cette fois, ça marchera mieux. Ou peut-être que notre amour n'est fait que pour fonctionner dans un autre univers. Je t’aimerai toujours dans tous les cas. N’en doute jamais.

-Je t’aimerai toujours dans tous les cas également.

Vous vous regardez dans les yeux avant de vous embrasser délicatement. Dans ce dernier baiser, vous partagez tout l’amour que vous avez ainsi que votre tristesse. Pendant que vous vous perdez dans votre baiser, vous sentez tout ce que vous avez contruit et tout ce que vous avez rêvé de construire mourir doucement. Vous devez, à présent, imaginer un tout nouveau futur sans l’autre.

Top Gun Maverick Masterlist

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tirednotflirting · 2 years ago

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I posted 3,022 times in 2022

303 posts created (10%)

2,719 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@caramelcalum

@daydadahlias

@burstingsunrise

@calumsash

@pxrxmoore

I tagged 2,615 of my posts in 2022

Only 13% of my posts had no tags

#l - 335 posts

#5sos - 205 posts

#a - 168 posts

#c - 126 posts

#h - 97 posts

#m - 68 posts

#cake - 60 posts

#tmh22 - 53 posts

#lashton - 30 posts

#cashton - 30 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#y’all ever have something you reference all the time around people you only ever remember have no idea what you’re talking about until after

My Top Posts in 2022:

hi look at him

thank you

46 notes - Posted December 3, 2022

a fic rec list that quite literally no one asked for

I’ve felt incredibly uninspired lately with fic. It’s a shit feeling. I may just be done writing. TBD. But as I’ve been sitting around trying to determine my feelings on fic, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about how I read fic. I’ve been reading it for awhile. I like to think that even in the 5SOS space, I’ve read a really good variety of things. So I wanted to make note of the fics that come to mind when I think of fics that have inspired me/made me feel something/are just really good. This probably will not be very organized and I apologize for that now.

I’ve been very VERY lucky to get to know a few of the folks whose works I mention here. I feel so grateful to have had even small glimpses into your creative processes. Just before the world Stopped a couple years ago, I was shuffling toward a mindset of writing off fan fiction as a thing of my younger years and I’m thankful that so many people metaphorically hit me over the head with their incredible works.

there’s some 1D, 5SOS, Shawn Mendes, and also solo 1D boys in here. i think a lot of them are at least a touch nsfw at points but not all of them? yeah. i think everything that is is noted of on the pages they link to? certainly not an exhaustive list of my favorites but these were the ones on my mind today.

Okay, in probably a really strange, completely non-linear order, here we go.

sugar on the asphalt by @justanchorandhope

I genuinely cannot even begin to describe the love in my heart for this fic. this is the fic (and writer tbh) that kept me around on tumblr in 2013 and is the perfect example of everything i loved about 1D fic back in the day. an OC to die for, the perfect dash of so many different tropes, CUPCAKES, southern charm, it has it all. just the sweetest cast of characters. i cannot believe i was 15 when this fic was first posted and now i’m 24 and re-reading this still feels like a curling up with a cup of tea at the end of a long day.

okay basically everything written by @harryandmolly but specifically the following:

like the back of my hand + fear and loathing in mandeville canyon

okay so fun fact i was so thrown off the first time i read the first fic listed there (the second one listed is a sorta AU of the first one taking place in early pandemic/lockdown times btw) bc the OC’s bff uses the exact same nickname i used in high school. okay but Lilly is a GOD TIER OC. i love a story that takes place over a really long period of time + really shows the progression of a relationship. also super random but as a woman in my mid-20s with crazy unrealistic dreams of living in a big gorgeous house with all my friends, the descriptions of the house Lilly lives in make my heart sing. for a story that takes place in a totally normal version of the world, the world building (maybe the wrong term here idk) in this is so great.

i could write it better than you ever felt it

three words: warped tour au. no but seriously there’s this blanket of nostalgia over this whole fic bc of the setting that is so fucking fun (she says having never gone to warped tour but shhhhh). another bright and brilliant OC, SO many lovable side characters, really driving plot. reading this feels like summer in all the best ways. (+ a brilliant sequel of sorts.) perfectly captures silly punk boys + hayley williams is there just being the goddess that she is. my introduction to jasey rae lol. so many things and all of them so great.

the emancipation of ginny

got momentarily distracted reading the teaser sorry i’m back now. ginny: bad ass and gorgeous business woman lady navigating being the assistant for an international pop star who is also her ex. andrew gertler is so stressed the whole time. i like a story that jumps around in time and this one does it in such a unique way. the writing in this is STUNNING, i feel like i am in every scene feeling the misty fog in london and the sun in my eyes on a summer festival tour. a Masterpiece imo. also the niall in this is wonderful in all the ways he can be + taylor swift shows up for a minute.

perfect teeth by @stylesmoothie

why yes i am in fact linking you to MIBBA bc 1DFF was the only other place to really find this i think rip to our fallen hero and what a throwback adlskfjdsl. i am NOT joking when i say that i literally cried when people started reblogging around the final update for this a few years back bc it had been like 5 years since this fic was updated. this fic holds such a special place in heart (as so many 1D fics from this era do). ezra is a brilliant OC and her story is SO GREAT. something i loved about ~this era~ of 1D fic was how expansive the backstories for the OCs were and ezra’s especially just made me fall in love with her. i remember that reading the conclusion to this story (so many years after starting it) felt like this beautiful sense of closure. i had very few constants in my later teenage years but stories like this one were one of them. love love love this story.

(took a brief pause so anna and i could hunt down an old zayn fic from back in the day slkdfjlds leesh came to our rescue bless her)

nom de plume by @stylesprimes

another fic that truly feels like it just? defined an era of my life???? (just had to do some internet wizardry to verify this was a 2014 fic lol) another OC with just the most sick backstory and story told throughout the fic. in this era of fic i was a HUGE fan of the harry styles london indie crew kinda fic. could not tell you why aside from how fucking cool i thought alexa chung was. you really get to see everyone make mistakes and grow in this story which i really admire from both a reader and a writer standpoint. like that’s not easy to do sdlfkjdsl. i love all the twists and turns and it’s a story i love returning to every once in awhile. cecilia’s experiences in this are so so unique and i’ve never really read anything quite like this story. the dynamic between the characters and just the overall vibe of ndp has always been so novel. i love it.

scene 14 by @daydadahlias

this FIC OH MY GOD. so backstory: i feel like i was the last person to read jess fic esp this one like. i was so intimidated by the fact that everyone had already read this and i had all of this knowledge of the vibe and how much everyone loved this that reading this almost felt like being introduced to a friend of a friend, ya know? this fic is Stunning. like i didn’t think it would be possible to be so impressed by college au world building at this point in my life (i’ve been reading college AUs for like. literally over a decade) but this little world that jess created was SO immersive. these characters were all so bright and i loved and cared for each and every one of them despite how many there were. i laughed, i cried. reading this reminded me why i love fan fiction and i feel so SO grateful to be in this fic space at the same time as jess.

love would burn this city down for you by @calumcest

helen has shared so many amazing stories but this one is always going to be my favorite. there’s so much soul and heart and love in this short little piece. i barely have the words for it. i started writing myself bc i felt inspired by the space that helen was helping to create a couple years ago and it’s pieces like this that i think had a lot of influence on the style i would try to adopt in certain ways. she’s so great at showing love in the little, quiet ways. pieces like this one feel like a secret and i’m so thankful i get to be in on it.

another night of takeout by @roselirry

lol i’ve had the second part of this bookmarked on my computer for MANY years and just realized there was a third part to it i had never read. this is a niall fic, little slices of three different days from the perspective of Vee, niall’s assistant in a solo era world. reminds me of a lot of the reasons i love the emancipation of ginny. one of my favorite tropes, a bit of that ‘omg they’re so in love but just refuse to really fully acknowledge it’ kinda situation. only three little bits in this but through the bits of background you get such a FULL story (despite the fact that it’s technically not finished i think?). SUCH a comfort read, i’ve read this so many times that it feels like a cozy, worn cardigan. (also i’ve historically been SUPER picky with my niall fic and this one has really stood the test of time for me)

all the things yet to come by soysauceharry

so i’ve never been a big self insert fic kinda girl. i think i just started out with OC fic so it was just this foreign thing to me for so long. i’m also a very big character person so when a character is really vague for the purpose to trying to be easy to fit a variety of looks and/or personalities into, i struggle to find enjoyment in it at times. but jesus christ, this story is cool. for me, reading this story gives the vibe of like a dream where you’re watching yourself do something? so despite the fact that it’s written in the second person, i don’t feel like i’m watching the story from the eyes of the OC. also despite all of the ‘you’s i just have never read this as a true self insert. i have an MC in my head that is very much a unique character. MC is a graduate psych student, Harry is her graduate advisor for a min and then later just a colleague. follows MC through her graduate studies. the setting and the story are just so pretty and lifelike. i think i read this for the first time in the winter while i was still in school which added a lot to the vibe. i return to this whenever i want cozier vibes.

If you dance with me darling, if you take me home… Will we talk in the morning? by @kaleidoscopeminds

i love a meg fic for so so many reasons. i love this one especially bc the tone of it to me feels like how you tell the story of a fun night out. it feels fun and silly like the stories you tell the night after the night out about all the wild shit you did in the early hours of that same day. i’ve always been very fond of this fic because meg posted it when i was feeling very VERY down about the world and it just made me smile. this fic feels like laughs after shots idk how to describe it just good fun. she is the cake QUEEN but i always found so much inspo in her earlier lashton pieces. they remind me of all the good things about summer 2020. i’m glad they can still take me back to those times of first getting to know some of the folks that i just love so dearly now (baggy salt forever <3)

sail the wildest stretch by @beautifulletdownfics

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47 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

hi i would like to discuss

thank you

119 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

5sos playing the same fest as green day, good charlotte, and blink???? can someone check on those boys omg???

124 notes - Posted October 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

i can’t believe ashton is the cutest dude on the planet and we just have to deal w that

227 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #my year in review #truly my top tag being my luke tag is hilarious #and by like…a lot alsjdldj

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lucy-the-cat · 2 years ago

Note

8, 12, 16 + lightening, ice, summer, spring for the asks!

hi! (same anon again) i’ve been making my way through kings cage and i just got to the part where maven gives mare her sister’s handkerchief + the honest question. what got me is the fact that he knew when her bday was, so i was wondering; what do you think he was feeling on her bday and he couldn’t/wouldn’t visit her in her jailroom?

also! re; the dresses, do you use pictures you find online as ur inspo/starting point, or are they all original compositions?

The numbered questions will be applied to my unpublished WIP Newblood Queen, a Mareven role swap AU where Newbloods rule, Reds are still oppressed, and Silvers exist in a hazy space in between

8. What are the vibes/aesthetics of this wip?

Snakes slithering on the ground, cobwebbed crowns, blood leaking from a grinning mouth, cracks forming in the ground. For the romance, There's Nothing Holding Me Back by Shawn Mendes. For the story in general, Glory and Gore by Lorde.

12. What inspired this wip

Other fanfics. I've seen a few role swaps, and while I liked the core concept, the plot and stakes didn't diverge in a way I found satisfying. Then I sat down and challenged myself to make it interesting, and I got the core concept of Newblood rule and everything slowly clicked into place from there.

16. What do you find frustrating about this wip

It's. So. Long. It's a rewrite of all four books and I've already written the ending, it's just a matter of mustering the sustained focus

Lightning: What’s the most shocking plot twist you’ve ever come up with?

Chapter Sixteen of Lover's Curse, A Brand New Day. It was a surprise even to me!

Ice: What do you always get stuck on when writing?

Fight scenes

Summer: How do you know when you need a break from writing?

When I'm restless and unfocused, real ADHD moments there

Spring: Have you ever scrapped (a huge chunk of) a story to start over? Why did the change come about?

Red Ruse, I had a new idea with a different emotional core, mostly revolving around Maven's character arc. A lot of the old ideas were repurposed into Ashen Spark. I'll reveal more about my initial plans when RR is finished

Non WIP questions:

Her birthday was very difficult for him due to Elara's death. He pretends to be sick. (Wren insists he's healthy, but Maven turns full death stare and she slowly backs away.) He hates himself for wanting to see her laugh, to trace the knobs of her spine and slowly sink into her, to hold his hand and listen as he tells her everything he's been holding inside. He's aching for the comfort of his mother's murderer, and he drowns that guilt in the nearest bottle of whiskey. Maven tells himself he's punishing her. In reality, he's punishing himself.

I don't use references for dresses lol, I just focus on the individual elements: fabric, applique, silhouette, jewels, etc. From there I construct something that fits the tone, the occasion, and the character wearing it

#ask #red queen #my fics #maven #maven calore #newblood queen #mareven

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ao3feed-larry · 2 years ago

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Hidden in Plain Sight

by LwritesH

Harry was 17 and was now able to have complete control over what he could access on the internet after months, maybe even years, of begging his parents. When he logs into twitch for the first time, the first streamer he sees is Louis and a few of Louis' friends. Within a few months Harry became a big part of the community. Streamers started to notice him, the first being Zayn & Shawn. Harry ended up being a mod for the two, being the first in the fandom besides friends to know Zayn and Shawn's sexualities. Things soon progress and it ends up with Harry being a big part of the friend group, and being a non streamer streamer. The whole Sheeran SMP fandom knew him, and he sometimes joined playing games on stream. Eventually he starts a vlog channel called Harry Styles. Has Louis noticed him? How does Harry explain to his now best friends, that Louis was part of his sexuality crisis not so long ago. What happens if one of the days Zayn is streaming with Harry, Louis had just shown up at Zayns house. Harry and Louis first ACTUAL interaction would be over a discord call on a stream of all things. What's going to happen after the stream?

or the streamer/vloger au that is so frustratingly slow on purpose :)

Words: 1490, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: One Direction (Band)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Harry Styles, Gemma Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, Zayn Malik, Niall Horan

Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, Niall Horan/Shawn Mendes

Additional Tags: Slow Burn, Gaming, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - College/University, Minecraft

via AO3 works tagged 'Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson' https://ift.tt/5iEfxyW

#author #larry stylinson #larry fic #ao3 feed larry #Hidden in Plain Sight #<p>by <a rel= href="/users/

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softboywriting · 5 years ago

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It’s You | Shawn Mendes

Summary: You and Shawn have been friends since you were children. Years have gone by, lives changed. He's a rockstar and you're a part time nurse. You keep in contact but lately you've begun to realize life isn't the same without him there and the hole in your heart gets bigger everyday. When he comes home from tour, it's time for you to make your move and confess your feelings. That is...if he doesn't beat you to it. [established friendship] [non au] [friends to lovers]

Word Count: 5k

|Masterlist In Bio|

Vanilla and cinnamon, two of the best scents in the world, in your opinion anyway. Basic, but so comforting. They are the smells of home, your real home back in Pickering. Your family home always smelled like sweet vanilla cookies and Shawn's house, your other home growing up, always smelled like warm cinnamon. It wasn't until Shawn left for his current world tour that you realized you had been subconsciously trying to fill the void of his absence by buying candles in those scents.

Three years and five months to date since his initial departure from Pickering and you wake up to realize you feel empty and it was then you realized that you love him. Of course you have talked to him, phone calls, text, video messages and brief visits. Things didn't end badly and he hasn't cut you out of his life by any means. There are things a long distance friendship can't fulfill, and things you aren't sure you can tell him over the phone, let alone tell him at all.

So for the dozenth time in probably the last three months you find yourself in the bath and body works at the mall. It's buy one get one for the three wick candles and you're sticking your nose in every single one there. Most of them are pretty good, it's the end of the autumn collection and there are displays of the Christmas and winter lines being set up, but nothing is really piquing your interest. Until you find the candle called Black Tie. A very casual little thing, black with gold stripes and it's name in gilded lettering across the side. It's definitely not one you might pick up and smell normally because the color alone indicates it's probably going to be a heavy scent that's far different from your usual vanilla and cinnamon favourites.

The moment you get the lid off you are hit with an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. Your heart swells and you can't help the tears that form instantaneously. It smells like Shawn, like his cologne that he got for Christmas a few years back. The one you could smell on your jacket after he hugged you goodbye at the airport right before this tour. It takes all of your willpower not to fall to your knees then and there in that shop. It is as if in that moment everything you've felt, repressed and ignored, is coming bubbling up to drown you.

"Are you finding everything okay?"

Suddenly you're snapped back to reality and you look over to the blonde girl on your left. She's smiling, eagerly awaiting your reply.

"Yeah...yeah I just spaced off. Thanks."

"Alright, no problem. I'm Jess if you need any help I'll be around."

You nod and clutch the candle to your chest. Is it weird? You look down at the gold lid of the candle and turn it upwards so you can see it better. Is it strange to want a candle that smells like your best friend's cologne? No. You won't talk yourself out of it. You grab a vanilla cookie dough candle and head for the register with your purchases before you can change your mind again.

_____________________

"You got another candle?" Shawn laughs through the phone in your lap. "How many is that now?"

"Probably like three dozen."

"You're gonna be on that show, my strange addiction. True story, addicted to candles."

You lift the phone and narrow your eyes at him. "Listen here jewelry boy. You're one to talk, I've seen your ridiculous collection of rings, bracelets, watches and crap. I don't make fun of you."

"Yeah but I can actually wear mine. What do you do with candles? Burn them?"

You scoff. "I don't make fun of your coping mechanisms."

"Coping? Whoa what? Are you okay?"

Shit. You set the phone down and lean your head on your knees. How could you let that slip out like that? He didn't need to know you're missing him, and what life used to be.

"Hey, talk to me. What's going on?"

You sigh softly. "Nothing is going on. I'm just really lonely and most of my friends have moved away. I guess the candles remind me of home, back in Pickering when things were simpler. I've been thinking of moving back in with mom and dad. My place here in Toronto is getting too expensive."

Shawn is quiet for a moment. You worry he's hung up but the screen is still lit up. "I miss home too. I'll be back in a few weeks, it won't be for long but it's something. If you don't want to move in with your parents you can stay at my place. It's empty."

"What if you have company?"

"I never have anyone at the apartment besides the guys."

You shake your head and roll your eyes. "I don’t know...anyway, when will you be home again?"

"Few weeks."

"You're gonna be working when you're here, you always are."

"No, I'm gonna take some time off. I want to see Mom and Dad and Aaliyah. I want to see you."

You wrap your arms around your knees and close your eyes. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"You can tell me anything."

"I think I fell in love."

Silence. Why did you even say something? He’s going to figure out it’s him. He’s not that dense, is he?

"Shawn?"

"Yeah?" He’s quiet and you can't read his emotions through the phone. You hate this. Maybe he doesn’t know it’s him. He can’t know. Why did you even say anything? So stupid. "Go on."

"It's a friend, someone from back in Pickering."

"Oh. So like...are you dating?" He has no idea.

"No."

Shawn sighs and it sounds almost relieved. "How are you in love then? Usually people need to be together to be in love."

"It's complicated."

"It's Matt isn't it?"

"What? No!"

"Oh, well, love is complicated, so y'know...just don't rush into it."

"I'm stupid and too emotional about it." You pick up the phone and look at him. "Forget I said anything. It's nothing."

"You're not stupid or emotional, feelings are valid. Maybe you are in love, maybe it's infatuation. You'll have to take a chance on this person to find out okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

Shawn looks back as someone opens a door in the room he's in. "I have to go, I'll text you?"

"For sure. Bye." You set the phone aside and flop backwards. He seemed put off, jealous almost. No. That can't be right. He's just worried about you. Yeah. That's it.

___________________

Two weeks later you find yourself hauling boxes out of the elevator on the twelfth floor of an apartment building to Shawn's place. Your rent went up a hundred dollars due to alleged renovations and that was not happening in your budget. Initially you tried going back home to Pickering, knowing it'd be a long drive to work in Toronto but it would be fine. Your parents however didn't have space for you. They are amid a remodel that you completely forgot about so your bedroom is no more. Shawn is your last choice but you know it's not going to work out when he's home, but it's temporary, you'll find another place.

The first thing you notice is that Shawn's apartment is less of a two bedroom and more of a one and a half. The second room he uses as guitar storage and a makeshift studio is the size of a large walk in closet. If you're lucky you'll get your bed in there and maybe your dresser but not much else. Shawn said to move whatever you needed into the living room. Somehow it feels wrong to impede on his space.

After a long three days of moving and setting up you're finally moved in. You stacked his guitars in their cases by the couch and boxed up all his recording gear and put it in his room. Your bed, dresser and a shelving unit all fit in the small bedroom and that's it. The rest of your furniture you took to your parents house and stored in the garage.

It's Sunday, the fourth day after the move and you are unpacking your candles, setting them out on your dresser and the shelving you set up. It's funny, Shawn's place smells like cinnamon just like his parents house did back home. You don't even need to burn any candles to be reminded of back then, Shawn's place somehow perfectly encapsulates it.

The sound of the front door opening sends your pulse skyrocketing. Shawn wasn't due home for another week. You grab your keys from your purse and ready the pepper spray you have dangling from them.

"Hello?"

Karen pops her head around the corner to the kitchen. "Hey! I was hoping you would be here. I brought some stuff for Shawn, and you too since you're here."

"Oh." You pocket your keys and walk into the kitchen to see bags of groceries on the counter. "What's all this?"

"Food, supplies." Karen begins unpacking and placing things in the fridge. "I always do this before Shawn gets home so he doesn't have to order take out."

"You're the best Karen." You hand her a carton of milk. "Do you still make the crock pot chicken soup for him?"

"Every time." She smiles. "I won't make it until Friday since he'll be here Saturday morning."

You grab a bottle of water and lean against the counter. Karen spoils Shawn rotten but you get it, you'd do the same for him. "Do you think it's weird?"

"What's that?"

"Hmm? Oh. Did I say that out loud?"

Karen closes the fridge and goes to the cabinet. "You did. What’s weird?"

"That I'm staying with Shawn."

"No, not in the least." She motions for you to pass her dry goods from the bags and you do. "You and Shawn have been thick as thieves since you were eight years old. There is something special about your friendship."

"Yeah, he's the best friend I've ever had. I'm glad he hasn't changed much since he got famous."

"Manny and I raised him right, put a good head on his shoulders. He's got common sense and a strong moral compass." She smiles and pauses to look back at you. "Friends like you keep him grounded as well."

"I do my best."

"He listens to you, values your opinion. Believe it or not he listens to you more than me sometimes."

You roll your eyes and scoff. "I doubt that."

"Oh he does. I can't tell you how many times he's called me for an opinion just to completely change his mind after I give it." Karen chuckles. "It's probably because I'm his Mom."

"But I'm just his friend."

"You're his best friend. Brian and Matt and the guys are all very good friends but you're at the top of the list you guys have been together since you learned to walk. Shawn loves you."

Your heart stops. "Shawn loves everyone."

"True, but he loves you differently. He hasn't said it I'm sure, but the way he looks at you is special. The two of you were meant to be in each other's lives." Karen wads up the plastic bags and stuffs them under the sink cabinet. "Chat with him about it. I'm sure he'll come clean."

Your hands feel sweaty and you fold your arms over your chest tightly. "Do you think he's in love with me?"

"Ah, that I'm not sure of. He's never mentioned that to me but I'm his Mom, boys don't always tell their Mom's their feelings towards their interests. He may have told Manny though, if that's the case." She lays her hand on your shoulder and you look her in the eye. "Shawn is particular, always has been, and now with everything that's happened in his life he is going to be even more particular who he has a relationship with. All I am going to say is that you shouldn't dwell on it. If there is more to your relationship with Shawn then let it happen naturally."

"Thanks." You chew on your lower lip anxiously. "Can I ask you one more thing though?"

"Sure."

"Do you think Shawn and I would be a good match?"

"Yes, without a doubt."

You nod and she kisses your cheek before saying goodbye and heading out. You stay in the kitchen a while, taking in the whole apartment, contemplating ever telling Shawn you love him, and mulling over the fact that his mom can see there is more to the two of you than just friends.

____________________

Monday you decide to snoop around the house. It's your place too after all, you should familiarize yourself. Maybe it's not snooping if you just open every cupboard in the kitchen and rifle through the bathroom drawers because you definitely live here now. You do find a couple of foregien face creams and washes that you can't read anything about on the bottle. You open and sniff them, nothing special smelling. Though you're sure they're probably some super expensive Korean beauty brand that is the secret to Shawn's flawless skin. He never would tell you what he uses and you know that just soap and water is a damn lie.

There is a box of tampons in the cupboard under the bathroom sink when you open it to see what space you're working with for your hair dryer and bath salts. It's surprising because it's definitely not yours and Shawn is definitely a guy. Probably his sisters? Weird.

You dismiss the tampons and wander out of the bathroom after putting away your bathroom supplies. You pause, looking into Shawn's bedroom before readying to turn into your own. It's so empty and way too clean. The Shawn you know never has his shit this in order. You decide to step in, boldly crossing the threshold between exploring your new home to officially snooping.

Shawn's bedroom is almost depressing. You walk along the far right wall where his dresser is. It's empty on top, not even a hairbrush or anything laying in front of the big attached mirror. The room doesn't even look lived in. It looks like a hotel. You go to the bed and sit down on the perfectly tucked blankets. Karen made it no doubt, she cleaned his place every few weeks when he went out of town to keep the dust and stuffiness at a minimum.

You flop back on the bed and close your eyes. It smells like him, like fresh laundry and the expensive cologne he wears on special occasions. The good one that you wish you could find but you know he buys somewhere overseas. You wonder if he wore it the last time he slept in this bed. Honestly you wonder if he ever feels at home here, a place he barely lives in. You open your eyes and look to the doorway, across the hall is your bedroom, already filled with personal things and decoration. Your heart sinks. Maybe he wants you to live with him so this place doesn't feel like a hotel and with you there it will feel more like a home. Yeah. You're going to make this apartment feel like home.

_____________________

Saturday arrives at an agonizingly snail's pace. Karen stopped by on Friday evening to make soup and you were still out by the time she left. You got to experience first hand what it is like for Shawn to arrive home and have warm chicken soup waiting. It's a heavenly smell after a long day and you were tempted to have some, but you know it wouldn't be fully ready until the morning.

You wake up early, planning on getting a shower and making breakfast and setting up the TV to play Harry Potter before Shawn got home. You were going to clean up the living room, bring out blankets and make sure everything was picked up and ready for Shawn to walk in. All that goes out the window when you walk out of your bedroom and see Shawn's bedroom door open with suitcases piled at the end of the bed.

You walk to the kitchen and round the corner to find Shawn sitting at the island eating a bowl of soup. He looks up and smiles so big that broth literally falls out of his mouth.

"You're so gross." You chuckle and he moves around the island to scoop you into a crushing hug.

"I missed you." He says and grips at your back. "It's been forever."

"Six months is a long while." You press your face into his shoulder and take a deep breath. Nothing is more relaxing. "Welcome home."

Shawn squeezes you tighter and you just hold onto him as if it were the last time you are going to get to do it. You stand in silence, just hugging one another and just existing together for a moment, unbroken by the outside world. Two heartbeats becoming one as the seconds tick by.

"Let's make breakfast."

"Just a little longer." He mumbles, face against your head.

You run your hand up his back, across the thrift store vintage tee from some band you've never heard of. It's soft, worn from years of wear and tear. His breathing slows down and he begins to sway in your arms. "Talk to me?"

"Miss this."

"Hugging me?"

"Being home, getting to see you and hug you. I can't wait to see my family too. It's been forever, I've never been away this long without a break. It feels good to hold someone that feels like home."

You fight the tears that well up in your eyes. He thinks of you as home. Your fingers clench instinctively and he lets out a soft groan of pain at your nails digging into his back.

"Sorry, sorry." You apologize profusely and drop your hands to step away and break the bond you've created. "My bad."

Shawn stretches and chuckles. "No worries. You mentioned breakfast?"

"Mmm." You pat his stomach and he reels forward from his stretch. "I see your appetite hasn't changed. One day your metabolism is going to slow down y'know."

"Not today." He loops his arm around your shoulders and pulls you against him as you walk toward the fridge. "Can I have the pre-hockey practice special?"

"That's so much food! You already had soup!"

"I'm starving!" He whines and you elbow him.

"Alright, I'll make it but you had better eat every last bite."

Shawn pulls away and sinks onto the island stool. "You can hold me to it."

You cut him and glare and he grins. Your heart stutters. That smile, it's been so long since you've seen it in person. You wish you could take a photo of this moment, to relive it forever and ever.

______________________

Three days into Shawn being home you come to find two hoodies left laying about the living room. They're ones he hasn't worn as far as you know, so it's a little odd. They never get moved, they just sit there draped across the couch and the lounge chair by the window. As far as you're concerned they're fair game for wearing and you do as such on the third day because you're tired from work and it's chilly in the apartment. You definitely didn't put one on just because it's his and you miss wearing his clothes.

"Hey, what're you doing tonight?" Shawn asks when he gets up around noon and wanders out of his bedroom. He seems to sleep all the time. You wonder just how much rest he gets on tour and while traveling. He claims he passes out as soon as he gets on a plane but you have your doubts.

You look over from where you have been curled up on the couch watching trash TV all morning since you're not tired yet. How, you have no idea. Night shifts at the hospital are exhausting. You're not particularly up for a wild night out so you hope he hadn't made plans to rope you into anything.

"Nothing. Just got home a few hours ago and I've been watching movies and channel surfing."

"Do you want to go out?"

Of course. Sleepy rockstar wants to go out. Part of you wants to be annoyed, jealous that he can just sleep all day and go do whatever he feels like whenever. But you aren't either of those things. In fact, his simple question makes your heart skip, your brain reading it as an inquiry for a date. You know fill well he means going out as friends and your foolish heart instantly settles down.

"It depends, I'm not up for anything too crazy. I just worked a ten hour shift overnight."

"Oh right, I forgot. Wednesday is your night shift. I was just thinking something easy, dinner and drinks?"

"Just us?"

"Yeah, like we used to. The diner on Bedford is still open I think."

You chew your lip. It sounds so tempting. Burgers and shakes, just like the old days. But you need to sleep, and going out with him just seems like a recipe for disaster with your feelings right now.

"I don't think I'm up for it."

Shawn sinks into the cushions beside you. He steals the corner of your blanket and leans his head against your shoulder. He smells like a sleepy boy and minty shampoo. It's hard not to turn your face into his hair and take it all in.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Wh- huh? There isn't anything to talk about?"

"Are you sure? You've got on my hoodie and you're watching ex on the beach. If I know one thing it's that you're caught up in your feelings right now. Is it that guy you're in love with?"

You pause. He hasn't brought up the whole being in love conversation since you initially had it about a month ago now. Not that you expected him to and it definitely didn't come up naturally. You figured he had forgotten what you said. So now that he is mentioning it unprompted is odd.

"No, he's not...it's not that."

"You never said who it was."

"It's no one. It was a fleeting dream and an emotional couple days. I was mistaken, you know, obsession not affection." Such a liar.

Shawn looks up at you from your shoulder and you can tell he is not buying it. You're not one to be infatuated with someone over nothing. "Right, well I'm up for staying in tonight too."

"No, it's only noon, go out with the guys or something. Go visit Aaliyah and your parents. It's boring here and you've only got a few weeks until you have to go back on tour."

"I'm staying here. I'm not up for the guys and my parents are out of town at my aunt's place today." Shawn pulls his phone out and opens a site on his browser. "I'll get us some lunch, we can play some Mario kart, watch some movies, get drunk together and just do whatever."

"I am not getting drunk. I actually have to work tomorrow morning."

Shawn chuckles and puts his phone away. "I've got rumchata. I know you love that."

You roll your eyes. He truly knows how to get to you. Maybe a few shots wouldn't hurt, they could help you sleep. Maybe.

____________________

One shot turns into three and then three turns into five. After that you get a little wobbly and call it quits. Shawn however downs his sixth one and his six turns into wrestling.

You were cleaning the coffee table off, stacking paper plates from the pizza Shawn ordered and gathering up abandoned napkins. You were ready to call it quits for the day, turn in and sleep until nine tomorrow morning. You were truly ready to just be done but Shawn was not.

Just as you get the last napkin with cheese residue stuck to the center stacked on top of the pizza box with the paper plates you feel arms around your waist and the next thing you know you're being tossed into the back of the couch cushions.

"Shawn you dick!" You yell and he cackles from nearby. You regain your bearings and instinct kicks in. Having grown up with Shawn and your older brother, wrestling was nothing new. You had your fair share of throw downs with the big boys but it has been ages since it's happened. The instinct to fight back hasn't dwindled though and as soon as your feet hit the floor you're lunging at Shawn.

The two of you end up locked in a grappling match. He should have the upper hand, he's easily bigger than you and far more in shape than you ever dreamed to be. This should be a cakewalk for him but he's just on the more drunk side of tipsy and he's not focused. It's to your advantage because you drop your hands from his arms quick enough that he stumbles into you grabbing his waist and driving him back into the couch.

"You think you got me?" He laughs, arms curling around your chest as he lifts you up and over beside him.

Before you know it the two of you are on the floor, kicking the table askew, knocking over his stack of guitar cases. You're making a terrible mess and all because neither of you will submit.

Shawn rolls you over and pins you down by your forearms, legs hooked around yours. He has managed quite the effective pinning maneuver. You're impressed. "I win."

"You cheated."

"Did not!"

"Yes, you did."

He scowls and you laugh. He's so easy to rile up when he is a little drunk and riling him up means he loses focus. "You're just-"

You pull your arms away from his hold and push him up, making him fall back on his ass against the edge of the couch. He's quick to react to your little escape move. He snatches your shirt, pulling you into his lap and you collapse, chest in his face, legs straddling his thighs.

Silence befalls the apartment. Neither of you move. His warm breath ghosts through your hoodie, across your chest and his hands cup your ass from where he had attempted to stop you from getting away from again. The tension is palpable, suffocating even. Undoubtedly he can hear your heart, pounding rapidly in your chest. You're not sure what to do, how to make this feel normal.

Slowly you sink down, sitting on his lap and pulling yourself away from his face. He's red, flushed from forehead to neck. It's not from the alcohol. Your hands come to rest on his shoulders and he moves his hands from your butt, opting to hold your hips instead.

His lips are hot pink, mouth open just a bit as he stares at you, eyes darting between your eyes and lips. He's thinking the same thing, feeling the same way. Somehow you've both landed on the same page in this very moment.

"It's you." You mutter, saying the first thing that comes to mind. It doesn't make sense, really it shouldn't because you've said nothing about what he is.

He nods and leans in ever so slightly, soft smile playing at the corners of his mouth. He understands. "I know."

You slide your hands up the back of his neck, fingers twisting into his hair and he leans all the way in, lips connecting with yours. Blood rushes to your brain and you bring him closer, euphoria overtaking your body. The relief you feel is unlike anything else, like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders.

"How long have you known?" You ask, pulling away just enough to press your head against his.

"Years, but the call, when you said you fell in love. I knew you were talking about me, I knew you were hiding it." He bumps his nose against yours. "I'm sorry I took so long to say anything."

You smile, letting out a little laugh as you do. "It's a two way street though. I never said anything either."

"Yeah." He slides his hands up your back. "Will you say it?"

"Say what?"

"You know what."

You duck your head and capture his lips for a moment. "I love you." He grins at the sound. "I love you Shawn Mendes."

Shawn squeezes you tight and kisses you hard and unabashedly. "I love you." He kisses your nose. "I love you from now until forever."

"Say swear to God."

He laughs and leans his head back on the couch, knowing you're teasing him. "I swear to God. Every God there is. I love you."

You sink down and lean your head on his chest, arms around his back. He raises his arms to hold you and you close your eyes. "I think I've always loved you," you say softly into his shoulder.

"Me too." He whispers back, body relaxing under yours. "Me too."

End

----------------------

Thank you for reading! Please reblog if you read, want to save for later, or enjoyed! - A

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted fics.*****

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fan fic #shawn mendes fan fiction #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes story #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes stories #shawn mendes words #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes fiction #shawn mendes non au

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wholesomemendes · 5 years ago

Text

Morning Kisses

Summary: Shawn’s home from tour after 3 long months and the two of you decide to just stay in bed all morning.

Author’s Note: This gif I used is from a post by @yashalex and I’ll probably reblog the whole post after this because it was the inspiration for this whole entire fic. Anyways this is about 1.6k of pure fluff of things I want with Shawn so I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! As always, please tell me what you think, I love your feedback!

The bright Toronto sun streamed in through the large open windows of the bedroom, a result of the two of you being too caught up in the others’ presence last night to worry about closing the blinds. Shawn’s flight had arrived close to midnight and after he showered to get rid of the awful airport stench, the two of you headed straight to bed, wanting nothing more than to be able to just hold each other all night long. It had been a long 3 months apart and you were planning on making up for lost time at any chance you could before he had to leave again for the next leg of the tour in a couple of weeks. You missed him more than anything in the whole world and no call, text, or FaceTime could ever compare to having him by your side. He pulled you into his arms that night, humming some unknown melody quietly into your ear causing you to fall asleep soundly for the first time since he had left. When you finally awoke, head on his chest and legs intertwined, a small smile graced your face as a content sigh left your lips. His arms were wrapped tightly around you, fingers mindlessly tracing up and down your back, but the even breathing you felt through his chest was enough to tell you that he was still peacefully asleep.

It felt like heaven being so close to him after so long and you couldn’t help but breath in his scent that had slowly begun to fade from all of the clothes of his that you had stolen while he was gone. You were never one to be in love with fragrances until you met Shawn and while you couldn’t quite describe just what he smelled like, to you it always felt like home and love. Your head lifted with each breathe he took, chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. You took the opportunity to admire him as he slept, blinking your eyes open as you lifted your head slightly to see his relaxed face. Your hands traced his bare chest as you turned your body, never having a single complaint with his habit of sleeping with only sweatpants on so that you could trace his smooth skin when you awoke. You had always loved to gaze at him if you were the first to awake, outlining his beautiful face and chest before he began to stir. A sad smile fell on your lips as you stared at the sleep ridden boy and thought about how this was probably the first time in months that he had slept without worry, knowing how his anxiety and nerves got to him while he was on tour. Every time he came home he had new purple bags under his eyes, a telltale sign of his lack of sleep even if he tried to convince you he was fine. But he wasn’t fine. You wanted nothing more than to take the burden off of his shoulders and make his worries go away, a slight voice in your head always pleading to force him to take a break for his own health. But you stayed silent. You couldn’t ask him to stop the one thing he loved more than anything in the world, even if it meant you had to watch it slowly kill him from the inside out. It made you appreciate the moments when he was with you even more, loving the way the creased lines on his forehead would vanish slowly the more he was around. You cupped his face gently as to not wake him and stroked his cheeks gently with your thumb, giggling to yourself when he absentmindedly leaned into your hand in his sleep like a puppy wanting attention. Your fingers went up to brush through the mess of curls on his head that always seemed to be fluffier and curlier after he went to sleep, enjoying the softness of them between your fingers. Shawn had begun to grow his hair out on tour, much to the dismay of many of his fans, but you weren’t complaining. Not when it meant that there was more of his hair to play with when you gave him head massages, which just happened to be both one of yours and his favorite things to do while cuddling. You threaded your fingers through a particularly knotted section of curls, massaging his head a little to prevent any pain while you pulled your fingers out, earning a sigh that escaped his plump, pink lips.

You traced the outline of his face down to his sharp jawline before placing a soft kiss to his cheek, peppering light kisses down to his jaw and neck. You placed a final one on his collarbone, looking up at him through your lashes to see a content smile playing on his lips. Shawn let out a small groan, tightening his arm around you and turning the both of you on your side, earning a quiet squeal of surprise to leave your mouth. His eyes slowly opened so that you were staring into a pair of honey, brown eyes and a small smile tugged at his lips after seeing the most beautiful woman in front of him. “Morning, beautiful,” he whispered, a lovely rasp accompanying his morning voice as he brushed a piece of hair behind your ear, letting his fingers linger on the side of your face to rest on your shoulder. Twisting a piece of your hair between his fingers, he let his gaze fall back to your eyes, and he found himself lost for a moment, thoughts consumed with everything about you.

You stared into his eyes, seeing nothing but love behind his gaze, “I missed you, rockstar.”

“I missed you too, honey, more than you will ever know,” he whispered, bringing his finger to trace down the center of your nose, ending with a tap on your nose as a soft boop escaped his lips. You giggled at the man child in front of you and he took the opportunity to surge forward to meet your lips in a kiss the both of you smiled through. Shawn pulled back carefully, leaving his forehead resting on yours with a hand on your waist to pull your body even closer to his, “I don’t wanna ever leave you again.”

You sighed, rubbing your nose with his, “You say that every time, Shawn.”

“I know, but I mean it this time, I’m just gonna stay here with you forever. Just gonna cuddle you every day of my life.” He rolled you over so your back was pressed against his chest and he nuzzled his face into your shoulder, pressing soft butterfly kisses into his oversized tshirt that adorned your body. His eyes closed again with a smile on his face as his large frame encased your body, legs intertwined with yours as he pulled you tight to his chest. You let yourself live in the fantasy of being like this every morning, never having to worry about waking up to a cold bed, and you allowed your body to relax further into his.

“I wish you were here every morning,” you confessed, “but you know I’d never ask you to do that.”

“I know,” he mumbled into your shoulder, “and you know I’d never ask you to quit your job to come tour with me.”

“It’s like the world is against us all the time. “

“Doesn’t matter what the world thinks, you’re the love of my life and I don’t care if the world wants to believe that or not.”

You blushed at his words, but you could feel the seriousness behind them, and you hated that you made his first morning home so somber, “No music is the love of your life, I’m just the girl that gets to kiss you sometimes.”

“Excuse me?” he asked, his face turning from worried to a feigned offense once he saw your teasing smile when you rolled to face him, “Haven’t you realized that I’ve given all of the love I have to you?”

“What love, I’m so unloved,” you tease, hand coming up to rest dramatically on your forehead, “Never been loved by anyone before, always second place.”

“Oh shut up,” he whined, turning away from you and stuffing his face into his pillow, “You don’t appreciate my love.”

You giggled at his stubbornness, knowing he was hiding a smile behind his hurt facade and scooching closer to his giant body in order to wrap your arm around his chest. “Was just kidding, bubs,” kissing his shoulder tenderly, you let your lips linger on his warm skin, “You know I love you.” Your lips moved to his cheek and he lifted his head to meet your lips, causing your heart to grow at the movements of your lover.

Shawn rolled onto his back and pulled you down so your face was hovering over his, “I love you more than anything, baby.” You leaned down and planted your lips gently on his and he cradled the back of your head carefully. “More than the moon,” he mumbled between kisses, “The stars. And most definitely more than music.” He disconnected his lips from yours to stare into your eyes, a serious look behind his own. ‘You know I’d give it all up for you if you asked,” he told you, cradling your face in his large hands.

“I’d never ask you to,” you murmured, eyes dropping before meeting his again, “But I will be selfish and ask you to love on me while you’re here.”

“Now that’s something I can do easily,” he smiled, lips molding into yours in a passionate kiss as he promised to himself that he would do anything to have a thousand more mornings like this with you.

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stilesloverdaily · 5 years ago

Text

I’m Proud Of You

Shawn Mendes x Latin!Fem!Reader

Words: 2k

Note: mentions of a restraining order, legit the tiniest piece of spanish, based this on a dream I had. slightly smut implied, fluff

The zip to your red and white striped jumpsuit, was slid up up your back, Shawn’s soft hands resting on your hips afterward. He swayed the two of you for a moment, and you couldn’t help the small smile that graced your face.

This was your first real appearance as a couple, the Latin American Music Awards, Shawn’s song with Camila was nominated which is why your tall, white, brown haired boyfriend and you were going. Both of you had been spotted around in public after the Camila situation died down, but the fans thought you were his friend as they thought Camila was still dating your Canadian boyfriend.

You and Shawn had technically been dating before the ‘Shawmila’ dating stunt. At first you were fine with it, but then you were threatened by Camila who wanted Shawn for real, which although you knew wasn’t gonna happen, you broke up with Shawn mid-tour as it ‘wasn’t your scene after all’, not mentioning the Camila part, as you want them to succeed anyway. Shawn eventually flew to where you lived after finding out from Connor exactly why you broke up.

Fast forward, here you two were happy, the tour had finished, you were living together with Brian, and you’d never been happier. After Camila harassed and assaulted you twice, you got a restraining order against her without the public knowing to keep Shawn’s reputation and Cuban woman’s as it was the right thing to do; no matter how you were treated. They had a song together and it was best to do it under wraps.

You eventually told Shawn and informed Camila through her lawyer. Brian having helped you, was by your side during the whole thing as you’d thought of the idea whilst having a drink by the pool at the house (a Cola for you and him a beer, as you weren’t much of a drinker).

The contract between Shawn and Camila for dating had ended the week before the LAMAs. Meaning you could both go together, Shawn wanting to take you anyway as you were Latin American, not 100% but half.

You bit your lip bottom lip out of nerves, as this would be a proper outing as a couple, not a friends. Shawn’s hand came up from your waist to move a piece of hair to behind your ear, pressing a kiss below it. “Ready, gorgeous?”

Smiling, you hummed in agreement. You turn it his arms, eyeing his outfit, white pants with a red dress shirt, the shirt fitting him nice around the biceps and chest. His top buttons were undone, showing of the little chest hair he had, which until you had met Shawn, you didn’t like chest hair. “You look charming.” His soft locks were gelled to perfection as always.

“You look absolutely breathtaking.” Shawn looked between your nude painted lips, and brown eyes surrounded by a red shadow with a white inner corner and highlight. Mascara graced your lashes, a layer of concealer on your face set in place with setting powder, your makeup not being much as that’s how you liked it. The gold metal belt around your waist helped tie in your tan skin tone. The shoes on your feet were a red heel.

Blushing, you looked up at his beautiful light brown eyes, “Are you sure, you want to do this? I mean what about Camila and the restraining order? What will the fans say? What about- ”

You were cut off by Shawn’s soft lips, his smile noticeable through the kiss. After a moment, he pulled away, “Of course I’m sure, I love you and I talked to the people running the event and they are making sure Camila and you don’t sit near each other. The fans already love you even though they thought we were friends. I’ve seen edits about you on instagram and any other queries are just you worrying about things, it’ll be fine. I promise. Plus, I’ll need a translator.”

Chuckling, you smile at the thought that through everything he’s stuck with you, and although you have this restraining order he still wants to be seen with you and for you to come with him, even going as far as organising that you sit a certain distance from her. “I love you, you know that?”

He grins and his eyes look at you holding nothing but love. “Oh, I know. Trust me.” He kissed you again, careful not to mess with your lipstick.

The two of you were about to walk the red carpet, your hands were fiddling with each other, your tattoo on your wrist catching your eyes. Breathing in, you think of the man next to you chatting with the lady about to announce your arrival. She held signs saying ‘Shawn Mendes & His Date’ followed by your name. The fact that your name was on a laminated sheet of paper made you both nervous and confident, like you were supposed to be there.

Shaking your head, you try to rid of the negative thoughts, like how you suddenly felt bloated and ugly. Shawn placed his hand on your lower back, instantly calming you. The April weather of Vegas made you feel the perfect temperature. The lady who was just talking to Shawn led the people in front of you to walk on to the carpet, whilst Shawn turned to you.

“Alright, so we’ll walk on when motioned to.” You nod, taking slow breaths. “We’ll get shouted at from all angles, but just look in different directions at the paps. We will be taking joint photos then single photos, just to show off outfits.” The fact you would be photographed without Shawn in front of all those people made you tense. He felt it and added, “It’ll be fine and I’ll be close by, it will be about a minute and if you need to leave, just say my name.”

Breathing out, you nodded as the lady came back. “Your turn.” She spoke to you and Shawn with a slight accent.

Shawn’s hand stayed on your lower back as you walked out with the lady holding the sign to the paps. You matched Shawn’s pace, not wanting to walk too fast or too slow. Gulping, you stopped on the marker with Shawn, and smiled at the flashing cameras, trying not to blink too much.

You’d seen Shawn do this many times, and with his anxiety he seemed fine, so you relaxed.

People shouted your name and his as you stood and posed with him, making it look as natural as possible. Soon, it was time to take single shots, so Shawn moved to the next marker and you stayed where you were.

You smiled with teeth and not, your arm on your waist, leg extended a little, looking over your shoulder and looking forward. Trying to show the outfit as much as you could, whilst still making it natural. This kinda made you nervous, but honestly, mainly confident and sexy.

Glancing to Shawn after a moment, he was ushering you to him which you obliged to, as you might have messed your eyes up with those flashing lights. Both of you moved further down the carpet to the billboard interviewer, who asked about both of your outfits and the nomination. She then mentioned how Shawn had brought you to which he replied sweetly, “I wanted to bring someone special as this is my first time at the Latin American Music Awards, so I brought Y/N to share this experience with and also translate the Spanish spoken. But mainly, cause I thought it was about time to.”

He said no more, even though it was clear the interviewer wanted more, but we were ushered from the carpet into the venue. Apparently, Camilla was arriving. We were shown to our seats on the right side of the Venetian, the stage in full view.

“I’m proud of you.” Shawn whispers in your ear.

Smiling you whisper back, “Espero que ganes, preciosa.” [I hope you win, gorgeous].

“I have no idea what you said, beside preciosa, but it sounded beautiful coming from you.” He leaned in and kissed your lips.

Shawn had obviously won ‘cause he’s amazing and talented. Him and Camila walked on stage to accept the award before disappearing backstage, leaving you alone for a bit which was uncomfortable, but he soon reappeared apologising. But you didn’t care, cause he’d won and you loved his smile, and the hard work he puts into his projects. Oh, and you loved him.

You were both at the after party now and were dancing to Mi Necesita, you were low key grinding against Shawn, which he really didn’t mind. His hands followed your sides down to your legs, making you all hot and bothered. Shawn leaned his forehead into your neck, which wasn’t as much of a bend since you were in heels, trotting kisses along your neck as you leaned back into him with a smile on your face.

Oh, how you loved him.

His hands slid from your thighs upwards to your waist, resting on it as you swayed. “You wanna get out of here?” He whispered into your ear.

You smiled, nodding. Turning in his arms, you saw his lazy boyish smile, kissing his lips quickly. “Come on, Bub.” You motioned with your head to head to the exit, your hand in his. “I have an idea where we can go.”

Your shoes were somewhere on the floor with his, you had made a quick stop at the drugstore. Shawn held you close as you danced away in your laces, your feet gliding together. Lips tangled with each other as you kissed, smiles on both your faces. His cheeks were rosy as was his chest, his chest hairs teasing you.

Pulling away, you chuckled at how cute he looked.

There your 6”2 boyfriend stood, rosy cheeks, hair a mess because of your curious hands, shirt untucked from his white dress pants, nose red, and of course, the ice skates laced on his big feet. You held a hand to your face as you shamelessly checked him out. Shawn spun in a circle when he noticed you checking him out, being dramatic, he bowed afterwards. Laughing, you almost slipped in your own skates, he quickly helped you regain your balance before, you smirked and skated off, pushing him playfully.

“Oh, I see how it is.” He skated after you, as you giggled. Shawn watched on as he chased you, a smile on his face at how cute you were. You still had your jumpsuit on, hair down, his jacket on you as you were cold and to finish off a perfect look, the ice skates on your feet. Now, you were fast, but he was leaner and faster with his hockey experience.

He caught up, grabbing your waist through his jacket which swamped you, spinning you in his arms. You laughed as he tickled you slightly, wrapping your legs carefully around his hips, as your eyes held contact. His brown eyes held on your eyes, a look of love held in them. Both of your lips held each other in a passion filled kiss, one filled with love and happiness.

The rink only had you two in it, along with Marty the Janitor who always let you two lovebirds skate around late at night. Even if it was spur of the moment and you had to stop to get socks.

Shawn was proud of you in every way. The award show, the red carpet and how far you’ve come in general, with your confidence and anxiety. He loved you and stood by you through every second.

“I’m proud of you.” Shawn whispered against your lips as he pulled away slightly, his eyes finding yours again.

Your fingers ran into the hair on the back of the neck, and you couldn’t help but smile at his words and how he leaned into your hands as you scratched the back of his hair. Shawn’s head fell back and leaned down and kissed his Adam’s apple, forcing a small moan from him.

“Oh god, do I love you.”

Tagged: @itsnolongerteen @justsomewritingsandshit

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thatkidwhodreams · 4 years ago

Text

The Lie

Chapter Four

Masterlist

Chapter Three

Warnings: A heated argument? Is swearing even a warning anymore?

The ride to the club wasn’t that long and you and Cade had a little Carpool karaoke on the way there. That managed to make you smile and forget about Shawn in that moment and that you were grateful for.

When you both stepped into the club you were greeted with many bodies grinding on each other, girls twerking and some men joining in as well. There were some drunk ass people in the corner and many couples felt the need to put their lips on one another. You made a mental note to avoid being around them as you didn’t want to remember Shawn in the process of loosening up.

About 10 minutes in you had gone to get a drink and came back to find that Cade had completely disappeared. You cursed him silently in your head, rolled your eyes and went into the mini bar in the corner so your drink doesn’t get knocked out if your hand.

You were by yourself when a guy decided to come up to you and you started small talk. He said his name was Tom and next thing you knew you were both on the dance floor dancing your asses off. There was still no sign of Cade and you were getting a little tired so you took a little break.

As you were observing everyone you saw someone you thought you recognised but weren’t sure of. You both locked eyes and saw his tall figure approach you.

“Y/N?! Is that you?” You were baffled and didn’t know how he knew your name. You stared into his eyes a little more and found some resemblance to Shawn in his features, then it clicked.

“Luca?! Oh my gosh, I haven’t seen you in so long. You just all of a sudden disappeared off the face of the earth!” You exclaimed.

“So I’m guessing Shawn didn’t tell you, huh?”

“Tell me what?” You asked.

“Never mind, how have you been? Are you my brother still a thing?”

“Yup. Three years and counting.”

Luca hummed unsurprised and nodded his head. There was something in the way his expression was that didn’t sit well with you.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen while you were gone?”

“You could say that. I mean I got a new job and had to leave for a while. I never would’ve thought I’d run into you but that just makes it a whole lot better.”

You and Luca spent the next few minutes talking and catching up with each other when Cade decided to appear with Tom looking like they had just fucked each other with their clothes on backwards and their devilish hair.

“Where the hell have you been? And is that Tom?! Did you guys fuck in the bathrooms?”

Tom quickly waved at you and his cheeks became tinted from embarrassment, you were guessing that he wasn’t planning on running into you again. Cade on the other hand had the brightest smile on his face.

“You know where I was. Besides you didn’t need me, we both needed to loosen up so I did and I hope you did-” Cade started eying Luca up and down.

“Well hello and who might you be?” Cade asked. Luca chuckled and said “look dude, I’m flattered but I don’t swing that way and I don’t think your man over there looks very happy.”

Cade then turned and looked over to Tom who looked annoyed and irritated with his arms crossed.

“Well he’s not exactly my ma-. SHIT, SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK!” Cade shouted.

You Luca and Tom all looked over to where Cade’s line of vision was and you saw an angry looking Shawn storming your way. You turned to Cade and your face matched Shawn’s who was trying to get through the crowd of people.

“What the hell?!”

“So you know how I said ‘we ain’t gon tell nobody’? Well Shawn called because he knew you’d be with me and threatened to cut my balls off if I didn’t tell him where you were.”

“Wow! You didn’t even tell me, just watch when I kill you motherfucker, it’s gonna be slow and painful.” You were about to slap Cade and he braced himself for the sensation when Shawn managed to intervene.

“Y/N what the fuck are you doing here?” He turned to see who was next to you and once he did he closed his eyes, inhaled and exhaled and opened them again.

“Hey big bro. I assume you haven’t told cupcake over here about me. Am I right?”

Shawn gritted his teeth and said “No I haven’t. But that’s because you’re a low life who doesn’t deserve to be talked about and you have nothing to do with Y/N.”

“But don’t I? Hmmm that’s very strange.”

You darted your eyes back and forth between the brothers and Cade and Tom joined in too. It was interesting to see their encounter after many years. Shawn had never talked about Luca around you and you just assumed that the reason they had beef had nothing to do with you. Eventually Shawn and Luca took their argument outside and you could see the wrinkles forming on their faces from just being around each other.

You could see that it was a very heated argument between the both of them so you decided not to interfere and you’d just ask Shawn after. Well after you decided his silent treatment was over. Shawn walked over to you and grabbed your wrist and you resisted but that only made him tug harder until you slapped him and he let go.

“What the actual fuck?! I came here to get away from you and you just decide to come here all high and mighty trying to take me back home?! I didn’t even get a damn apology from you as to why you were gone for so long! I’ll come with you, but only because I want to go home and relax, I don’t want you near me when we get home your presence disturbs my soul!”

You stormed off out of the club and waited for Shawn. A few moments later he came out of the club and stood in front of you.

“Why are you staring at me? Open the damn car door! Gosh.”

Shawn opened the car door but not before giving you one last glance. He knew he was in deep shit when he got home. The man acted like he couldn’t live without you so this lesson would be a sweet one for you.

When you got home, Cade called to make sure there weren’t any problems and you told him you were fine and thanked him for allowing you to loosen up a bit. Tom was also staying with Cade in his room for the night and you didn’t want to know what they were going to get up to so you ended the call. You got changed and put on your pyjamas because you were becoming really tired and needed to be in something comfortable.

Shawn tried to move to you but you did not give him the time of day. He attempted multiple times until he had you against the fridge in the kitchen whilst you went to get food with both of his arms on each of your sides.

“Are you going to let me explain?” He asked. You huffed and attempted to look anywhere but his eyes. Keyword anywhere. His head just followed where you were looking until you were sick of the game.

“You so realise I’m pissed at you right?” You asked and he nodded. “Because I need answers I’m going to ask you what your problem was with Luca. I mean he’s your brother you haven’t seen him in years and I know if you did you'd tell me because I haven’t seen him for three years. I miss our friendship.”

Shawn sighed and removed his hands from your side. He stood in front of you as you raised your eyebrows with your arms crossed waiting for him to speak.

“I’m waiting.” You said impatiently.

“So it all started before I met up with you in the library.”

A/N: It seems like Shawn is about to spill the beans about what really went down. We’re tired of waiting anyway, is it just me or are these chapters too short? It’s okay you can tell me how it was, ya’ll should know I don’t bite by now haha❤️.

#shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes angst #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes fanfic #shawnblr #shawn mendes #shawn x y/n #shawn x you #shawn mendes smut #shawn peter raul mendes #mendes army #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes au #shawn mendes non au #shawn mendes fics

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winnipegpatty · 5 years ago

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Im So Sorry ❤️

Summary: you fly to Brazil to comfort Shawn when he has to cancel his first concert.

Words: 1.4k

————

You only found out about two hours before the rest of the world, but that was enough time for you to get to the airport and on the earliest plane to Brazil. Andrew was the only one that knew you were coming, but that was enough. He’d have a car waiting for you, he’d told you.

It might seem crazy to hop on a plane to Brazil just because your boyfriend was sick, but you knew it was so much more than that. It was the first time Shawn had ever canceled a show. And a show in Brazil nonetheless, these were the shows he didn’t get to do very often. These were the fans that had little to no opportunity to see him unless he came to their country. Fans in the states or Europe even, they’d go to upwards of ten shows in one tour if their hearts really desired to do so. But the Asia leg, Latin America, and South America leg of the tour, those were special. These were fans who had probably never seen Shawn before, and may never get that opportunity again. They’d plan months in advance to see him. And as much as knew the fans were looking forward to this night, you knew Shawn was too.

You also knew Shawn would be blaming himself. The fact alone that he hadn’t called you to tell you, told you he was devastated and angry with himself. Probably going through his past week, picking apart every little thing he’d done wrong that could have caused him to make it to this point today. He forgot to do vocal exercises one day, or didn’t drink enough juice another day, or he hadn’t had the proper sleep on the plane rides, or maybe he went a little to hard night one, or at the AMA’s. He’d blame every single little thing, except the one thing that was the actual cause of his illness.

95 shows. In 8 months.

It was a miracle he hadn’t had to cancel a show any sooner. You’d had concerns when he’d told you last year how long this tour was going to be, but he was nothing but thrilled to be touring the world again. You understood, it’s the artist’s dream. It’s what they live for. He was just ready to sing again. He was concerned about show design, setlists, tour details. You were always only concerned with him.

And that’s why you were flying to Brazil, no matter how crazy it sounded.

You landed in Brazil only a couple hours before the show would have happened.

Usually you try to stay off social media when it comes to concerns about Shawn, but the plane ride was long. You got bored, and finally caved and connected to the wifi. Videos of Shawn sitting in the back of the stadium visibly upset, were all over the internet. Fans were sending him well wishes, and if #GetWellSoonShawn wasn’t trending already, you’re sure it would be within the hour. And this was the exact reason you wanted to be there for him. He needed someone there to remind him to take care of himself. It would be okay for just a few hours to forget about the world and their expectations of him, and just put himself first.

The ride from the airport to the hotel where Shawn was staying wasn’t too long, and you knew you’d be seeing him soon. Despite the circumstances of your visit, you had missed Shawn since his last visit home, and you were excited to see your boy again. Andrew met you in the lobby of the hotel, where there are a good thousand screaming girls out front.

“Welcome to Brazil,” Andrew greets you with a the most sugary sweet voice you’ve ever heard from him.

“Hey Andrew.” You smile lightly at him as you both reach the front counter.

The lines around Andrew’s eyes are just a bit deeper today, and the bags are just a bit darker. He looks tired, understandably.

“How is he?” You say quietly as the woman across from you gets your keys prepared.

Andrew sighed, “A mess. But you know him well enough to know he would me.”

“It’s why I’m here.” You match Andrews sigh, a heaviness coming over you. Seeing Shawn broken is never easy, but it happens to even the happiest of people.

You grab the key to Shawn’s room from the woman at the counter, and Andrew shows you the way through the hotel. “We finally got him to leave the stadium about forty five minutes ago. So he’s in his room.”

You nod, “Thanks Andrew, we really appreciate you.”

The two of you separate as Andrew heads to his room and you enter Shawn’s room as quietly as possible. You could have knocked, sure, but Shawn is used to other people having access to his room for emergency reasons. You know he wouldn’t be too alarmed from the door opening. You prop your suitcase at the entrance and make your way into the room, finding Shawn propped up on his bed, looking out the window. He hadn’t even moved when the door opened.

“Hey bub,” you whisper as you gently ease yourself onto the edge of the bed.

Shawn’s body immediately shifted towards you. His eyes landed on you, and within seconds of making eye contact, he broke down in tears. “What are you doing here?” He stuttered out. You moved quickly to sit right next to him, thigh pressed against thigh. You take his cheeks in your hands and pull him towards you.

“I had to come see the most important person in my world.”

Shawn let out a light sob as you did your best to quiet him, not wanting to strain his voice.

“I messed up.” He choked out.

“No, no you didn’t, Shawn.” You run a hand through his curls tugging gently on one so he’d look at you. Through wet eyelashes, he looks up at you, and your heart breaks a million times over. There’s very few things in the world worse than the twisting that’s happening in your stomach right now. “Babe, you go sick because you’re working so much. It happens, people get sick and they call out of work all the time. The world goes on, and you heal, and the next day you come back stronger than before.”

“But,” Shawn hiccups, wiping his nose on his sleeve, “When a normal person calls in sick to work, they don’t,” he hiccups again, “Disappoint 80,000 people.”

“Shawn, your health is more important than someone’s happiness for two hours. If you don’t get well, you’d disappoint so many more people down the road. We have to take care of you.”

Shawn nods slowly, “I know.” He looks earnestly into your eyes, as his tears slowed. “I know it, I do. But how do you get over the feeling that you’ve got the weight of the world resting on your shoulders and one mess up could ruin it all?”

You smile gently. “Babe, the world doesn’t actually revolve around you.”

Shawn huffs, “I know that.” He pushes himself upright on the bed.

“Right, okay, then the world won’t stop just because of a canceled concert.”

“Why does my heart hurt so bad though?” His eyes are wide and glossy staring at you. He’s beautiful, even in sadness and dispair.

“Because you wanted to do better. But sometimes your body can’t keep up with what your heart wants. You wanted to sing to all your fans, and give them the best night of their lives, but your body can’t keep running on empty. You’ve got to stop to refuel.”

Shawn sighed, “I just want to forget about it. Forget about all the people I’m letting down.”

“Then forget it, let’s think about other things.”

Shawn nods, almost eagerly. “I want to hear about what’s going on at home.”

You lean down to gently place a loving kiss on Shawn’s lips. “Okay, but first, go shower, and I’ll order us some food.”

Shawn nods, leaning in to grab her neck and kiss you for a few short moments. “I really love you so much. Thank you for coming.”

“I’ll be here anytime you need me, Shawn.”

————

A/N: Please send me comments/reblogs/feedback etc. It really helps me know you like the content I’m writing. Also if you like this check out my masterlist or buy me a coffee. Both links are in my bio

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurbs #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawnmendes #sm #my writing #mine #shawn mendes non au #shawn mendes the tour #shawn mendes concerts

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zankivich · 5 years ago

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The Assistant: Shawn Mendes x Personal Assistant: A One-shot

a/n: this is just me seeing if I could even still write for this man tbh. I’ve been getting very good at separating my emotions about the pr stunt, and I think that’s because I literally have blocked it from my social media in every way, shape, or form. Honestly when I wrote this I envisioned a black woman because that’s just where I’m at in life, but I never specified so....do with it what you will. K bye.

WARNINGS: mutual pining, fluff, love.

“Stop it, jackass.”

“No Shawn, seriously. Stop!”

“Stop! We’re going to be late, and if I have to hear Andrew complain one more time about it, I’m kicking your ass, do you hear me?!”

Being the personal assistant to Shawn Mendes is basically the best job in the world. You got to travel all the time. You got to learn more about the music industry than your internship at a record label had ever taught you. And he just happened to be the sweetest, most wholesome person on the planet. Except for when he was getting on your goddamn nerves. This just happened to be his favorite past time.

You’d been his PA for four years and no one knew him better. You knew his coffee order, what size underwear he wore, and the brand of cough medicine he trusted most. You knew what made him scared in life, what one sigh meant from another when it came past his lips, and when he was hungry or tired or emotional. What you hadn’t been prepared for was for Shawn to learn these things about you. And what you should have prepared yourself for was the trouble that this would bring.

Shawn had spent the last twenty minutes playing with some nerf gun that Brian had bought. He thought it would be a wonderful idea to see if he could hit you with it from multiple points around his hotel room. Shawn was usually business all the time, and so you loved any opportunity for him to get to relax and be a twenty-one year old. He had taken advantage of this and was more excited for a nerf battle than the business meeting he needed to be at in forty-five minutes.

“You have goooooot to relax a little bit.” He sighed rolling his eyes and dropping the gun.

He made his way over to you and slid his oversized palms onto your shoulders. Screw him. He was so warm and tall and chiseled. Dumb. So dumb.

“I could relax a lot more if you just let me do my job.” You pouted.

He snorted softly and let his thumb touch your chin.

“Is this you pouting now? You’re gonna try and guilt trip me with a pout?”

“That depends....Is it working?”

He licked his lip and you honestly could have swung on him. There was no need for him to behavior is such a sensual matter. Damn him.

“I’ll get my shoes on.” He hummed in defeat. “Just don’t be sad.”

You smiled up at him. “Thank you.”

He paused for a second, his hands still poised on your shoulders. There’s a moment of silence where it’s just the two of you looking at each other. You up at the mammoth you called a boss, and him down at you with those honey brown eyes. You hated when he looked at you this way, like he might wanna try something, like he might actually care about you the way that you cared about him. All it did was cause you unnecessary hurt, and very vivid daydreams.

See there’s a running joke in the Shawn Mendes team. If you want Shawn to do anything, then you simply just call y/n. The two of you were closer than closer, and he seemed to trust you with his life. Eventually you had become friends. Close friends. And so it suddenly became less “go buy me a juice” and more “can I lay my head in your lap until my migraine passes”. When the road was cold and lonely and he had no one, it was you he cuddled up to. For Shawn it was the convenience of it. You were there and you could provide him with what he needed. But for you? God touching him was like lightning. And you hated every second where it wasn’t real, where it didn’t mean the same thing to him. More than anything you hated the way that you loved it, because it meant being in his orbit.

“Go get your shoes on. Please?” You whispered.

He nodded slowly and pulled away finally giving you a moment to breathe.

The ride to this meeting was a quiet one. You struggled with Shawn’s affectionate touches and the ridiculously soft glances. Every now and again it got to be too much, and you had to preserve yourself if you were going to stay afloat. Working for Shawn was a joy, but that didn’t stop it from hurting sometimes.

The car pulled up to the destination and Shawn went to open his door only to stop when you didn’t follow him.

“Aren’t you coming?” He asked.

You shook your head. “I’m gonna go pick up your suit for your party.”

“Oh...Well you’re still coming to the party right?”

“Of course. I’m on duty, Shawn.”

He frowned. “No you’re not. I invited you as a friend.”

“Yea well Andrew knows better than to let you go to an open party with alcohol without me, so...I’ll be there regardless.”

“Okay well...I’m sorry you have to put up with me for the night.” He mumbled closing the door.

You sighed and let your head fall back against the headrest. Now you were both in a bad mood. Ugh.

***

New Year’s Eve was testing your patience. Here you were looking good as hell, ass all poised and waiting to be grabbed. What did you get instead? Nothing. Not a look, not a squeeze. You took another sip out of your vodka soda and went to stand up only to figure out that the previous two drinks before it, were a little stronger than you remembered. Shit.

“Woops! I’m sorry!” You gasped knocking into someone behind you.

“Sorry I--Oh, hey.”

You bit you lip and peered up at Shawn. The suit looked even better on him now then it did when he first stepped into it. And then there were his rosey cheeks and the heat of the room getting to his curls by the moment. He was absolutely stunning, and you couldn't believe you were about to enter another year of being practically suffocated by the weight of him.

“Hi.” You murmured reaching one of his arms to stabilize yourself. “How are you doing?”

He shrugged. “I’ve been alright. It’s been kinda hard to have fun though. My best friend’s been MIA.”

You snorted. “Is that so?”

“Yep. She got mad at me earlier, and I’m not really quite sure why. Perhaps you could tell me. I hear men are pretty dumb.”

You let your body weight lean into him, and sighed happily when his hands fell to your waist. Usually you’d do anything to stay away from this kind of contact, but vodka is a hell of a thing.

“It’s fine. I’m over it.” You assured him.

His eyebrows scrunched together at your words. That sort of Canadian pout of his. It was extremely effective.

“See, but I don’t even understand why you do that. Sometimes it’s like you're pissed at me, and then maybe you decide to get over it all without ever telling me what I’ve done in the first place.”

“Look let’s just enjoy the night, huh? It’s New Year’s Eve. All your friends and family are here. Let’s not make it more complicated.”

“Fine. But only if you promise to stop sulking in a corner and come have fun with me.” He mumbled. “I’ve like missed you all day.”

It was moments like that that you just wanted to shake him and yell. How could he not see what he was putting you through? How was it not incredibly obvious how in love you were with him? But you could tell just by the look on his face that he was being as sincere as ever. Shawn was just too kind for his own good, and for yours apparently.

“Yea, okay. Let’s have fun.”

*two hours later*

You are drunk. And the only reason you know how drunk you are is because you’ve lost your ability to measure other people’s drunkness. As far as your ass is concerned, everyone is living their best life and no one is any drunker than one another. Dumb. You should have known Shawn was drunk off his ass the minute he started hugging strangers. But alas, if Andrew’s expectation was that you were meant to keep him out of trouble then...you just might be fired tomorrow.

“You smell amazing.” Shawn whispered in your ear as he threw himself onto your back, arms wrapping tightly around you. “Where have you been all my life?”

You giggled. “I’ve been here, kiddo. You know, controlling your day to day life, keeping you afloat?”

“Not like that. I mean...I mean like...where have you been ya know?” He mumbled taking a sip out of a champagne bottle.

Sober you would’ve gotten him straight to bed at this point. Drunk you was a little dumber.

“No I don’t!”

“You just...God you’re so beautiful ya know?” He huffed bringing your foreheads together. “It drives me crazy.”

“What? What did you say?”

“Y/n I--”

“Shawn!”

And just like that, one minute the boy you like is hovering over you with heart eyes and the next his friends are practically picking him up. Jon, Brian, and Connor descended like wolves, quickly rushing Shawn away from you.

“We’ll be right back!” Bryan called over his shoulder.

You were left to your own devices and the only thing you could think to do in your drunken state was...to go complain to Aalyiah about how dumb her brother was. You know, like a crazy person.

“Hey what’s wrong?” She asked softly, not nearly as drunk as you. It must have been the whole underage thing.

You shook your head. “Your brother is an idiot.”

“Oh I’m aware. But why in particular is he an idiot this time?”

“He just can’t communicate jackshit unless it’s in a song. Can’t tell anyone how he feels. Just likes to stick his dumb, big head everywhere with his dumb big eyes and his dumb smile. I’m sick of it, ya know?”

Aaliyah smiled softly at you and squeezed your shoulder.

“Oh you poor thing. You want me to talk to him?”

You eyes widened. “No. Oh no, ‘Lyiah, not at all. I was just blowing off steam.”

“Uh huh…”

“No seriously. Promise me you won’t say anything.”

She rolled her eyes. “But y/n--”

“No promise me!”

“Alright, alright, Jeez. I promise.” She groaned. “But for the record if this is how complicated adults liking each other is, I want no part in it.”

“‘Liking’? Who said anything about liking?”

“Oh y/n...Please.”

“I liked you better when you were younger and shyer.”

*meanwhile in the corner on the opposite side of the party*

“What the hell guys!” Shawn muttered still trying to peer over the heads of people to see y/n.

Jon clicked his fingers in front of his face. “Excuse me? You told us not to let you get carried away with y/n tonight, remember?”

“...No. not really. And I retract my statement, now if you’ll excuse me...Goddamit, guys!”

They weren’t budging. And Shawn was pretty sure he was thinking clearer than he had in years. Save for the bottle of champagne in his hand.

“Bro, stop being an idiot, you’re blowing my high here!” Brian yelled at him. “You don’t want to fuck things up with y/n remember? You don’t want to mix business with pleasure! These are your words.”

“But...But...she’s so pretty.” He whined closing his eyes in despair. “So pretty.”

Jon snorted. “Oh to be young and in love. What a travesty.”

“Look we’ve got ten minutes until the ball drops. Let’s get you a fresh bottle of champagne and try to relax, aye?”

Shawn couldn’t quite do anything but pout.

“Fine. Let me go dammit.”

And thus the two were separate as the party began to re-hype for the ball drop. Brian got Shawn a bottle of champagne, his friends surrounding him on all sides so that he didn’t make any mistakes. Y/n was left to chill back in her corner. Without Shawn to hang out with, and his friends--which used to be her friends--being assholes, it was a lost cause.

At some point you were just waiting for the night to end. You wanted to go back to your hotel and sleep and forget all about Shawn’s dumb face when he told you how beautiful you were. What a joke. This whole night was a joke. Usually Jon and you would’ve spent the whole night making fun of all the white people, Connor would have hung on your hip like he always tended to do. Even Brian was a cocky son of a bitch who let you give it right back to him. But Shawn didn’t want to be near you for some reason. Friends. Yea right.

It wasn’t until everyone begin counting that you realized you weren’t in the mood at all. The excitement. The joy. It just wasn’t there. So you decided to leave. Meanwhile, at the clock struck midnight, Shawn busted open a bottle of champagne to spray his friends with. It’d been a hell of a year and he knew he deserved to celebrate a little bit. So the hugs go all the way around and he squeezes them tight enough that he hopes they know how much he loves them. He’s drunk and he’s happy and when those two things happen there’s typically on one person he wants to share that with. But it only takes one look around the room to see you’re not there. And that’s the opposite of what he wanted.

“Hey! Hey! Have you seen y/n?” He asked Jon who had quickly discovered his girlfriend’s throat after the ball drop.

“No man. And you shouldn’t either.” He huffed.

But Shawn had no time for his friend’s bullshit. This was the woman of his dream they were talking about here.

Brian was practically tripping balls and extremely ineffective. Connor was sympathetic but hadn’t seen her. His next best guess was Aaliyah, who was looking a little wobbily like maybe she’s stolen a drink or two. (He was too drunk and too fixated on y/n to remember that he’d been the one to give them to her).

“Sis, have you seen y/n? I can’t find her anywhere!”

She rolled her eyes. “No! But she probably got tired of the games and went back to her room.”

“What games? What are you talking about?”

“She’s tired of you acting like you want her until it gets too serious and then backing away and pretending you’re just friends. It’s bullshit and it hurts and she probably got fed up. Let me guess tonight’s plan was to have the guys keep you away from her?”

Having a sixteen year old sister who’s smarter than you is truly terrible.

He stared at her dumbfounded. “I…”

“Yea, that’s what I thought. Look if you don’t want to be with her just leave her alone. She’s not some play toy, alright?”

“I’m not--that’s not even remotely what’s going on!” He muttered at her.

“Well that’s what it looks like! Women aren’t stupid and you’re not clever, dumbass. Stop messing with her. It’s driving her crazy.”

He rubbed his hands over his face thankful when the music finally cut down as people took the time to huge and squeeze their loved ones for the new year. His little sister had never been one to let him off the hook, and it was nice to know some things weren't going to change in 2020.

“I’m in love with her!” He bursted. “I’ve been in love with her since the moment I saw her, and I didn’t want to let her go, okay? She’s amazing at her job and she’s my best friend. And I need her in my life. So, I thought I’d rather have a part of her forever than ever face the possibility of losing her. She’s not some plaything alright...she’s--she’s everything.”

And just like that the anger on her face twisted to happiness and she quickly reached to pat him on the shoulder. Teenage girls were practically navy seals mixed with ninjas or some shit.

“See, now was that so hard?”

“Look don’t take this the wrong way but I think you might be a sociopath.”

Aaliyah rolled her eyes again and pointed over his shoulder. He turned to see y/n standing there with her jacket in hand looking about as shocked as he felt. Suddenly the room was much warmer than he remembered, and his hair felt sweaty against eh back of his next. The cat was out of the bag.

“H--How much of that did you hear?” He asked you, walking slowly in your direction.

You bit your lip. “I showed up around the ‘love’ part.”

“Oh...okay. Do you wanna--can we maybe go somewhere and talk?”

“I don’t know. I’m drunk. You’re drunk. I’d probably just go to sleep thinking I made the shit up.”

He shook his head. “That couldn’t be y/n. I meant it. Every word.”

“Yea? Then prove it.”

“Prove it? How?”

“I don’t know! I’m drunk, shit.” You whined.

He rolled his eyes up at the ceiling and stalked closer to you until you had to peer up in order to see him. His warmth was intoxicating, the smell of campagne still fresh on his lips. This is dangerous territory. There are witnesses. No room for him to go back when he changes his mind in the morning. His fingers cup your cheek.

“Shawn.” You warned jaw going slack in his grip.

“You drive me absolutely crazy, you know that?” He whispered, breath fanning your face.

“Yea, the feeling is mutual...Don’t play with me right now.”

“I’m not. I swear to you. We can figure the rest out tomorrow, but for now, I love you.”

“Don’t say that unless you mean it.”

There were tears in your eyes threatening to fall, and your body as lose as it was from the alcohol was still struggling to let go. You’d dreamt about these words long enough that reality has begun to blur. Who knows what’s real and what isn’t.

“I mean it.” He hummed so softly against your lips. “I mean it, I mean it, I mean it. I love you. Let me show you.”

Leave it to your New Year’s kiss to come fifteen minutes late. But there’s not a care in the world when his lips are on yours. Your toes dig into the carpet as you lean up to kiss him something soft and chaste turning more dominant by the second. If this was a dream, let them never wake you up. Because it felt so real. So right. So soft.

“Happy New Year sweetheart.” He whispered against your ear.

And a happy new year it was.

The End.

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harrys-kiwi · 5 years ago

Text

It Ain’t Me

summary: (y/n) gets tired of Shawn’s partying and brazen lifestyle so she breaks up with him. Unfortunately, she still very much loves him and he knows it, so he takes advantage of it. Based off “It Ain’t Me” by Kygo, obviously.

category and warnings: pure angst. mentions of/implied drug use. I think two swear words.

authors note: I am back after all this time... with a Shawn piece. Enjoy! Feedback is very much appreciated. Requests are open.

word count: 2.4k

It was hard to pinpoint when it had happened. Somewhere between the stressful tour dates and the long nights in the recording studio, going out had become a way to blow off steam. Although he usually preferred staying in with his girlfriend, he welcomed the change of scene that his friends introduced him to.

At first it was going to the pub for beers. (y/n) didn’t mind - she knew how hard Shawn worked and she loved that he was having fun with his friends. He invited her to join them often, but most times she would decline, not wanting to intrude on the “guys night”. Shawn and (y/n) had a perfectly balanced relationship that way; they knew each other, they loved each other, and they trusted each other. (y/n) was happy when Shawn came back home at a decent hour and sober, and he always did. He would find her in bed, on her laptop or reading a book, and break out into a huge smile. Then he would tackle her into the mattress, cuddling her until they fell asleep.

He started to come home a little later than usual: there was a slight swaying to his steps and slur to his words. On the odd night when (y/n) was still awake, he made sure to curl up beside her and kiss any part of her he could get his hands on. She would giggle and cuddle into him, falling into a deep slumber. But on most nights, (y/n) was sound asleep already and Shawn would always mentally kick himself for coming home this late. He reminded himself to watch the clock next time.

The situation remained constant for some months. It wasn’t every night. Shawn would text her to tell her he would be going for beers with the guys and invite her to join, she joined every now and then but stayed home mainly. She was more or less the only girl there, and could never contribute to their conversations anyway. Shawn would text her throughout the night, and her heart fluttered at his messages telling her how much he missed her. She would go to bed the same time as always, sometimes falling asleep alone and sometimes getting playfully mad at Shawn when he stumbled into the bedroom more drunk than he had intended to get.

She noticed that he stopped texting to let her know he would be going out, only finding out when she tracked him on ‘find my friends’. He would send her a message every now and then telling her that he missed and loved her, but she found herself falling asleep before he came home more often than before. She missed his cuddles and kisses, but was always delighted to wake up next to him and make up for lost time then.

Maybe she had been too naïve. She loved Shawn, and wholeheartedly did not mind that he went out a couple of times a week to drink with his friends. But she had unwillingly been nurturing a habit. Although they had talked about it a few times and were always on the same page, (y/n) began to notice that his behavior was changing. Going out became more frequent than she remembered it. She was always fast asleep when he came home, only realizing how drunk he had gotten when she saw what state he was in the next day. The pub days were long gone, as she found out from tracking him and the various fan pages that would post videos of him at clubs.

(y/n) began to wonder how she did not notice this earlier. It had happened to gradually, and it felt as though nothing had changed when they were together. But when she realized that something wasn’t right anymore, she began seeing things more clearly. Shawn would never text her anymore, except for the odd drunk text she could not make sense of. She had no clue what time he got home, or what he had been doing while he was away.

She asked herself why he had stopped communicating with her, and why he did not want to spend time with her like he used to anymore. On the nights that he would stay in with her she didn’t mention anything, not wanting to face the situation yet. She got far too lost in his eyes and his gentle touches to ruin the moment. But she was only human, and she got tired of falling asleep alone most nights of the week, worried about her boyfriend (and his health).

…

It was nearing four in the morning and he was still not at home. She decided to stay up for once, wanting to see for herself what time he would get home and what state he would be in. (y/n) didn’t know why she felt so emotional all of a sudden, but she felt the entirety of the weight of the situation resting on her shoulders. She felt worried, frustrated, and exhausted. A lone tear fell down her cheek and she rushed to brush it away as she heard the door open. Her heartbeat quickened as Shawn neared the bedroom, eyes falling on his figure when he walked through the doorframe. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but this wasn’t it.

“What’ve you done?” she whispered in disbelief, taking in his tall frame. He was drenched in sweat, pupils blown wide, cheeks flushed, chewing feverishly on a piece of gum. He broke out into a huge grin, and made his way over to his girlfriend. He planted a kiss on her lips, quickly got undressed, and got under the covers with her. He pulled her into him, not taking any note of her reluctance. (y/n) noticed how hot his skin felt, heart clenching at what she suspected her boyfriend’s night out consisted of.

“I love you so much, do you know that?” he asked her, pulling her in closer and kissing her temple. He stroked her arm, as she tried to ignore his unnaturally fast heart rate.

“Shawn, where were you?” she questioned, ignoring his previous question.

“I was out with the guys and some of their friends. We went to this new club in town - why didn’t you come? You should have come. I missed you like crazy.” he kissed her temple again, moving down to her cheek, and kissing along her arm. Even though she loved the feeling of his lips on her skin, she moved her arm away.

“You need to slow down, Shawn.”

“Am I speaking too quick? I’m sorry baby I’m just -“

“You need to slow down with all this partying.”

She was met with a dumbfounded gaze.

“What? But I don’t even go out that often, nothing bad happens, baby. You should join more often! You always say no when I tell you to come.” He reached out to kiss her hand, but she pulled it away, sitting up.

“Nothing bad happens? You must be worse off than I thought if you think going out and doing god knows what with your new friends isn’t a bad thing.” (y/n) said courtly. She felt herself become emotional, her throat became tight and her eyes stung. She couldn’t deal with this right now. Her perception of famous people changed a lot when she got together with Shawn and partied with them a few times. Everyone got drunk, high, and had sex only to forget about it the next day. That was the main reason her and Shawn decided staying in was more their scene, and why they decided to stay in Toronto rather than move to L.A. It just wasn’t who they were. But she had watched the boy she loved transform into the exact thing they said they hated merely a year ago.

“Baby, don’t be mad at me, please.” Shawn said, shaking his head, lip quivering. (y/n) didn’t want to do something that would set him off and cause a bad trip, so she tried to recompose herself. Shawn reached out to pull her to him again, and despite her lack of comfort, she allowed it. She tried to fall asleep, but Shawn’s clammy skin and racing heart acted like a slap in her face for thinking that everything was fine.

…

Shawn sat on the bed, face buried in his hands as he tried to breathe steadily so that he could say something, anything, to stop (y/n) from leaving him.

It had been several weeks since the night (y/n) found out what had truly been going on, and although he had promised to work on himself and his going out habits, not much had changed. It’s not that he didn’t want to change. He loved (y/n) more than anything and he knew how much she hated what he was doing - hell, he hated it too. He wanted to stop, both for her and for himself, but he couldn’t. The lure of the club scene was too powerful for him to overcome, and although he tried to make up for it by inviting her out and texting her while he was out, he knew that wasn’t good enough.

Shawn knew (y/n) wanted things to go back to the way things were, and although she had not said it, he knew that unless that would happen, there was no reason for her to stay with him. The thought terrified him beyond measure, so when he was out he tried his utmost to forget the disappointment he would be causing his girlfriend if she knew what he was doing.

But she was not naïve anymore. His inability to change something that was so important to her translated into one thing: he did not love her enough. Why would she stay with him?

It wasn’t easy for her, in fact, it was the most difficult thing she ever had to do. She loved Shawn with all she had, but this relationship was bad for her. She gave much more than she got, and she knew she deserved better than that.

“(y/n), please, please don’t leave me,” he choked out in a desperate attempt to keep her by his side, tears streaming down his face. “I know I fucked up. I know that. I know that you’ve had enough. I know you deserve better, but I want to be the one to give you that. Please, give me the chance to give you that.” he sobbed.

“I already gave you that chance. And you know it,” (y/n) explained, trying to stay calm. “Maybe, if you figure out who you want to be, we can try again. But we need time apart, I need time apart.” She kissed his forehead, while he clung onto he hands, not believing what he had done to drive away the girl he loved so much.

…

(y/n) tried to ignore the blare of her ringtone as it rudely awakened her from her peaceful slumber. She glanced at the alarm clock which flashed “4:53” as she groaned and reached for her phone, answering it grudgingly.

“Hello?” She grumbled, laying her head back down to the pillow.

“(y/n)?” A familiar voice spoke through the phone. (y/n) sighed and brought her free hand up to rub her face. This wasn’t the first drunk phone call she got from Shawn since she left him. Although she really didn’t want to know what he did or where he went or who he was with, it was hard to ignore when he would call her every now and then, asking her to please come pick him up and drive him home.

Why did she do it? She loved him too much to say no to him. She knew it was wrong and that she should just leave it and block his number. But the way he would cry into the phone made her heart wrench and she couldn’t hurt him that way, even if seeing him in the state he was always in killed her.

“I’m on my way.”

(y/n) pulled up to the club she knew Shawn would be at, and braced herself as Shawn opened the door and sat on the passenger seat. He turned to her with a sheepish smile, thanking her for coming to get him. She didn’t say anything, not knowing what she could say. He spoke up when they arrived in front of his home.

“They all left, you know,” he muttered “they left me.” (y/n) looked over to find him already looking at her. “This happens every time. We come together and they’re my friends, we spend ridiculous amounts of money, but at the end of the night I always find myself alone.” He slurred. “But you,” he looked over, moving closer to her, “you’re always there for me, (y/n). I love you, so much. I know that no matter what, you’ll always be there for me and that’s what makes you so amazing.”

(y/n) closed her eyes, fighting back tears. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself before looking back at him and telling him, “well maybe it’s time you realized that they don’t care bout you, Shawn. They don’t care about you! They care about themselves, about having a good time, and they don’t care who they have to use in order to chase their thrills. And fuck, it hurts that you chose that over me, but it hurts even more that you won’t let me move on. You know exactly what you’re doing when you call me from the club, drunk and alone, and it sucks that you’re using me that way. I left you hoping that you would remember the person you used to be, but you’ve become one of them, Shawn.” He stared back at the girl, tears streaming down his face. She reached over, opening the door on his side. “Go home. Do whatever you want, but leave me out of it and don’t call me again, cause I’m not doing this anymore.”

#Shawn mendes #shawn #Shawn Mendes imagine #Shawn Mendes one shot #Shawn Mendes fic #Shawn Mendes x reader #Shawn x reader #Shawn Mendes angst #Shawn Mendes writing #Shawn Mendes blurb #Shawn Mendes fanfic #Shawn Mendes fanfiction #Shawn Mendes oneshot #Shawn Mendes story #Shawn Mendes non au #Shawn Mendes fluff

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marie-swriting · 2 years ago

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Les Souvenirs De Notre Relation - Shawn Mendes

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Résumé: Tu commences enfin à te remettre de ta relation avec Shawn, mais il décide de venir chez toi au milieu de la nuit.

Warnings : angst, fin triste, Shawn est bourré, dites-moi si j'en ai loupés d'autres.

Nombre de mots : 1.7k

Version Wattpad

Version anglaise sur Tumblr

Chanson qui m'a inspiré : Memories par Conan Gray

La sonnette de chez toi te tire du lit. Tu papillonnes des yeux avant de les frotter et de regarder l'heure sur ton téléphone. Tu te demandes qui peut bien venir chez toi à deux heures du matin. Tu pousses un soupir d’exaspération avant de quitter ton lit et marcher jusqu'à ta porte. Tu regardes par le judas et vois Shawn, une expression triste sur son visage et ses cheveux mouillés par la pluie. Tu ne l'avais pas revu depuis deux mois, depuis votre séparation. Tu ignores pourquoi il est là. Tu hésites à lui ouvrir, craignant de faire une erreur. Après un débat intérieur, tu décides de lui laisser une chance. Après tout, il ne serait pas là, s’il n’avait pas une bonne raison. A peine tu ouvres la porte, Shawn entre en trombe dans ton appartement. Tu lèves les yeux au ciel et refermes derrière lui, reconsidérant déjà ta décision.

- Qu'est-ce que tu fais là ? lui demandes-tu alors qu'il reste debout dans ton salon.

- Je veux te parler, annonce-t-il en enlevant sa veste trempée et la posant sur le portemanteau.

- Il est deux heures du matin, Shawn.

- Je sais, mais j'en ai besoin, insiste Shawn et tu réalises que sa voix est légèrement différente.

- T'es bourré ?

- Non, j'ai juste bu un verre, nie-t-il, mais tu le connais.

- Écoute, dis ce que t'as à dire rapidement, je dois me lever demain. Enfin, dans cinq heures.

- Je... Je veux qu'on soit ensemble à nouveau.

En entendant sa phrase, ton sommeil quitte totalement ton corps. Tu lèves tes sourcils et tu espères avoir mal compris. Tu te masses les tempes en fermant les yeux pendant une seconde. Quand tu le regardes à nouveau, tu vois à son visage qu’il est sérieux.

- C'est toi qui as voulu qu'on se sépare, rétorques-tu avant de tripoter ton pendentif papillon pendant à ton cou.

- Je sais et je le regrette.

- C'est un peu trop tard maintenant.

Il ne t'écoute pas et commence à marcher dans ton salon, regardant les alentours. Ses yeux sont remplis de nostalgie, il se remémore des moments de votre relation au fur et à mesure de ses pas. Tu le regardes de loin, ignorant comment agir. Son état d’ébriété ne t’aide pas à lui faire prendre conscience de la situation. A un moment, il s'arrête et il prend un objet sur ta table de salon. Même si tu ne le vois pas, tu devines ce qu'il a pris. Tu trottines vers lui et lui enlèves le livre des mains.

- Tu as encore notre album photo ? demande-t-il, un sourire idiot sur le visage. Je pensais que tu l'aurais jeté.

- Ce soir, c’était la première fois que je le regardais depuis notre séparation, en fait.

- Donc, tu l'admets, ce qu'on avait te manque aussi.

- Je n'ai jamais dit ça, affirmes-tu en serrant un peu plus l'album contre toi.

- Alors pourquoi tu l'as ressorti après tout ce temps ?

- Je ne sais pas vraiment. Je… Je suppose que je voulais voir si je pouvais regarder une photo de nous sans fondre en larmes, expliques-tu et avant qu’il puisse sourire, tu te dépêches de préciser : et je le peux.

Shawn ne dit rien, pas convaincu par ta réponse. Il reprend sa visite et se dirige vers ta cuisine. Il se saisit d'un verre d'eau. Il le boit d'une traite avant de le mettre dans ton lave-vaisselle. Tu le rejoins, de plus en plus agacée par son comportement. Tu voudrais qu’il te laisse enfin tranquille, surtout que tu as besoin de te reposer. Tu croises tes bras sur ta poitrine avant de prend un ton déterminé :

- Pourquoi tu es là, Shawn ?

- Je te l'ai dit, je veux qu'on se remette ensemble. Je n'aurais jamais dû te laisser partir. J'ai été idiot.

- Tu l'as voulu car avec la distance et ton job, c’était trop compliqué.

- Mais toi, tu ne le voulais pas, rétorque-t-il et tu évites son regard pendant une seconde. Tu voulais qu’on trouve une solution pour que ça fonctionne. Et j'étais tellement persuadé d'avoir raison que je n'ai pas écouté tes arguments, comme un abruti. J'aurais dû. Je ne veux pas te perdre. Sans toi, je ne suis rien. S’il te plaît, laisse-moi réparer ma connerie, supplie-t-il en tentant de prendre ta main.

- Shawn, arrête, ordonnes-tu en reculant d’un pas. Je commence enfin à avancer, je n'ai pas besoin de t'entendre dire ça.

- Mais, au fond de toi, tu m'aimes encore.

- Bien sûr, déclares-tu comme une évidence. Tu auras toujours une place dans mon cœur, mais ça ne veut pas dire qu'on doit être à nouveau ensemble.

- Pourquoi pas ?

- L'amour ne suffit pas toujours. Ça n'a pas marché une fois, la deuxième fois ne sera pas meilleure. Crois-moi, je n'ai pas arrêté d’y penser ces deux derniers mois. J'ai imaginé tous les scénarios et il n'y a pas d'issue heureuse pour nous. Si tu n’avais pas rompu, on l’aurait fait plus tard. On commençait à tellement s’éloigner que notre relation allait avoir une fin à un moment ou à un autre.

- On pourrait rester amis, alors ? Je veux toujours faire partie de ta vie, propose-t-il avec une once d’espoir et tu te retiens de céder.

- On ne peut pas. Ça ne serait pas bon, car on s'empêcherait d'avancer avec quelqu'un d'autre. C'est mieux si on ne se parle plus, lui dis-tu, tes mains jouant avec la chaîne de ton collier.

- Y/N, s'il te plait.

- Mon Dieu, écoute-moi pour une fois dans ta vie ! t'emportes-tu en passant ta main sur ton visage. Je ne veux pas. J'étais très bien avec juste les souvenirs de notre relation. Certes quand tu m'as quitté, j’étais dévastée et je t'en ai voulu. Je pensais même que j'aurais toujours des souvenirs de toi où je te détesterais, mais j'ai réalisé que tu avais raison depuis le début. J'ai des bons souvenirs de toi, de nous et tu es en train de tout ruiner. Alors, arrête. Tu étais très bien quand tu étais juste dans ma mémoire. Je n'avais pas besoin de te voir ce soir, surtout si c’était pour que tu dises ça. J'aurai toujours de l'affection pour toi, mais c'est fini.

Shawn hoche simplement la tête, ses yeux remplis de larmes alors que tu respires fortement. Tu sais que tu viens de lui briser le cœur, mais tu dois protéger le tien. Tu as besoin d'être claire avec lui. Tu n'aimes pas être la cause de sa souffrance, mais tu n'as pas d'autre choix. Il ne te répond pas, comprenant que c'est peine perdue. Il quitte la pièce alors que tu reprends tes esprits. Tu inspires plusieurs fois avant de retrouver Shawn au salon, endormi sur ton canapé. Frustrée, tu pousses un soupir, mais décides de ne pas le réveiller. Son ébriété ne te permettra de le faire partir de chez toi facilement et tu ne veux pas qu'il conduise et cause un accident.

Tu lui laisses un verre d'eau avec un médicament avant de prendre une couverture. En la posant sur lui, Shawn ouvre les yeux pendant un instant. Il te regarde pencher au-dessus de lui, ses yeux tombent sur ton collier et il sourit niaisement.

- Tu le portes toujours.

Tu n’as pas le temps d’ouvrir la bouche, car il se rendort aussitôt. Tu le regardes une dernière fois et te rends dans ta chambre. Tu tournes un peu dans ton lit, repassant ta discussion avec Shawn dans ta tête et essuyant les quelques larmes sur tes joues avant de pouvoir t'endormir.

Quand ton réveil sonne trois heures plus tard, tu en veux à Shawn d'avoir coupé ton sommeil. Tu as du mal à quitter tes draps, mais tu te forces à te préparer pour ton travail. Quand tu es prête, tu te rends dans le salon après avoir pris un carton qui traînait dans ton placard depuis deux mois. Tu le poses à côté du canapé et secoues Shawn. Il lui faut une minute pour émerger. Quand il te voit, il ne peut empêcher un sourire de prendre place sur son visage. Pour lui, il est de retour au début de votre relation, où tout allait bien, où vous étiez heureux. Mais ton expression neutre le ramène vite à la réalité. Il s'assoit avant de prendre le verre et le médicament qu'il vient de voir. Quand il a fini, il se met debout, face à toi. Tu pointes le carton avant de prendre la parole :

- Ce sont tes affaires. Je crois qu'il y a un manteau, des livres et des CD. Je n’avais pas pu te les donner avant, informes-tu et il reste mutique. Tu peux les reprendre, insistes-tu.

- Tu ne rigolais pas quand tu disais que tu voulais que notre relation reste des souvenirs, dit Shawn en rigolant pour cacher sa douleur.

- Si je veux avancer, je n'ai pas le choix. Oh, il y a ça aussi, dis-tu en défaisant ton collier.

- Non, Y/N, tu peux le garder. Il t'appartient, à toi et seulement à toi.

- Je sais, mais je sens que tant que je l'aurai, je ne pourrai jamais vraiment faire le deuil de notre histoire et je ne veux pas le jeter, alors prends-le, précises-tu en lui tendant le bijou.

- Si c'est ce que tu veux, murmure-t-il en le prenant.

Shawn regarde le collier, admirant le papillon argenté. Votre tentative de premier baiser avait été interrompue par l'apparition de l'insecte avec de magnifiques ailes bleues. Vous aviez rigolé avant de pouvoir vous embrasser réellement. Le papillon est vite devenu votre symbole. Tu aimes ce collier. Tu as pour habitude de toujours le toucher quand tu ressens une émotion négative. Mais tu ne peux pas continuer à le porter.

Shawn le range dans le carton, en faisant attention. Il se saisit de la boîte avant de marcher jusqu'à la porte. Tu la lui ouvres et il commence à partir, la tête baissée. Tu t'apprêtes à refermer la porte quand il se retourne une dernière fois.

- Je suis désolé pour hier soir. Je n'aurais pas dû venir. Tu as raison, avoue-t-il avant de prendre une grande inspiration : Toi aussi, tu auras toujours une place dans mon cœur. Je t'aime.

Tu aimerais le lui dire en retour, mais les mots semblent bloqués dans ta gorge, car ce n'est pas la chose à dire. Au fond de toi, tu le sais. Alors, tu lui lances un sourire triste avant de fermer la porte, symbolisant la fin du chapitre de ton histoire avec Shawn.

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{Ceci est mon blog secondaire donc je répondrai aux commentaires sous le pseudo @marie-sworld}

#marie swriting in french #marie swriting with music #marie swriting with conan gray #marie swriting with superache #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes x you #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes x y/n #celebrities one shot #shawn mendes #shawn mendes x fem reader #shawn mendes x female reader #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes angst #tumblr français #Spotify

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caffeinated-mendes · 5 years ago

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bel amour - a shawn mendes story (chapter 2)

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chapter one

word count: 1.7 k

a/n: the second part to this little novella. i hope you all enjoy and have an amazing day/night! (intentionally written in lowercase)

warnings: swearing

*if you prefer, you can read this on my wattpad or ao3

"the name mila means sweet one, or dear one. it's of slavic origin, which means you could be from belarus, the czech republic, you could be bulgarian, croatian, macedonian, montenegrin, polish, russian, serbian, slovakian, slovenian, or ukrainian." shawn strutted through the door of the music shop, hands in his pockets. it was the next day, and he was back as promised.

"you memorized all of that, in alphabetical order? i thought you said you couldn't read." mila grinned as he leaned against the counter, "why are you here?"

shawn grinned, "one; i memorized that because i never said i wasn't good at memorizing things. two, i'm here because i needed to tell you that."

mila shook her head, looking up from her book, "you're here because you had to tell me that."

"yes." he looked insistent.

"well, if you're staying here, you might as well sit back here and keep me company. grab a guitar and play anything you want, i guess." shawn shrugged and chose a dark stained guitar, with little shine on it. mila pulled out a foldable chair that leaned against the wall, and so shawn sat down with the guitar. she could now see the rest of his bottom half. he wore black boots with scuffs on the edges of the soles. when he began plucking the strings, she saw his tattoo on the back of his hand. it was a bird, a small bird that was in motion. it looked biblical to her, for some reason.

mila took her book from the table, and shawn looked at the front cover, "i thought you were reading lord of the flies," he continued to play the guitar.

"yeah, i finished it last night. my tv show got boring. now it's frankenstein." mila looked down at the book placed on her thighs and couldn't help but look at them and not at the words on the page. every time she looked down she couldn't help but feel the taste of hatred in her mouth. she focused her attention back to the page. shawn continued the song on his guitar. she got lost in the music and set her book down, knowing she wouldn't read it anyway. "how long have you been playing guitar?"

"five years," shawn replied, taking his hands off the strings, "do you play anything?"

"yeah, violin. i haven't focused on it much since high school, though. i considered majoring in violin performance but i chose a different major. you're really good for five years, though." she looked back down at the guitar, "something isn't right though. did you tune it?"

"yes, a little bit." he looked at her with a look of confusion on his face.

"hand it here," she held her hands out and he gave her the guitar. she plucked the e string. "your e string is flat just a bit." she plucked the rest and stopped on the b string, "and your b string is also a bit flat."

shawn shook his head, "don't tell me you have perfect pitch."

"i have relative pitch. almost perfect pitch. my violin teacher would test me sometimes." she tuned them back up and quickly checked with a tuner. they were perfect. "here, keep playing mendes."

shawn didn't start, just looked at her, "grab a violin. i'll play a chord progression, and you do some improv." mila shrugged, got up and went to a back closet, grabbing a violin, tuning it, and rosining the bow. they played together and mila was happy, she was happy in the abandoned shop and for once she wasn't bored out of her mind. they stopped after a while, and shawn said in exasperation, "you're so good!"

"well, i have been playing for thirteen years," mila laughed, flaunting in an ironic tone. "look, my shift ends soon, and i have to go to a lecture. this was really fun though."

shawn sat up from his chair, "wait, give me your number. we can do this again." mila agreed and so she left twenty minutes later with his contact in her phone, meeting lea at their usual spot before a lecture.

"where have you been, mila?" they started walking back to campus through the busy city of toronto.

mila smiled, "i found out who he was. why he was so familiar."

lea tilted her head, "the customer? was he actually famous?"

mila nodded, "it was shawn mendes. i'm so stupid for not realizing. everyone is obsessed with him, but he acts like a normal person."

"dude, my little sister is like obsessed with him. don't forget about me when you're famous." lea bounced in her step as they turned another corner.

"what's that supposed to mean? we're friends, i wouldn't get famous. i'm not here to exploit him." mila gripped her backpack.

lea grinned, "oh, so you're friends?"

"shut up, lea." they sat through another lecture, though mila found this one rather entertaining considering that the professor kept getting mad at the janitorial staff, who ran huge vacuums down the hall. lea pointed out through the lecture that their professor also had a hickey poking from her collar, which made mila snort.

she turned around from her board, "have i said something humorous, ms. hall?"

mila shook her head, "no, i'm sorry professor, i have allergies. it wasn't a laugh, but i do find our topic today quite interesting, thank you for teaching this." the professor said nothing but smirked and turned back around.

"ass-kisser," lea muttered. mila grinned ear to ear, glad she was annoying her friend. when they had gotten home, lea plopped onto the couch and mila moved to the fridge, making herself another coffee (she had already had one not even two hours before). she connected her phone to her speaker, and started playing shawn's newest album. "so you listen to him too? i thought you didn't like pop music, it was too basic for you."

"are you trying to bash me for trying to expand my horizons of my musical choice? plus, this isn't your basic pop trash. the instrumentals in the back are amazing, and they perfectly are in time with the tempo-"

"okay, okay, okay, lets just start studying."

"i thought you didn't like studying," mila replied, mocking her, bringing her coffee to their dining table. lea grinned, opening her binder on the table and getting their notes out. she hadn't let mila out of the house and they only stopped for food and drink breaks. she had also tried to get mila to eat a bit more, but she insisted she was full. when lea was finally passed out her bed, she pulled on her oversized hoodie and made her way back on the familiar streets, feeling a little on edge from walking by herself at 11 pm.

she unlocked the music store and walked to the back, turning on the lights and going in the recording studio. playing the instrumentals in the background to one her favorite songs by shawn, she began to sing. her voice was deep but with one switch of styles she could be a peppy broadway singer.

don't cry or do

whatever makes you comfortable

i'm tired, too

there's nothing left to say

let's call a truce, cause i don't really wanna go to bed like this, yeah

mila didn't see that a figure walked through the entryway. it had been shawn, and seeing the lights on, he thought it was still open. he knocked on the closed recording room door, and mila turned to see him in shock. mila took off her headphones. "shit, i forgot to lock the door." the hourglass figure opened the door with a smile. "hey, shawn, what are you doing here?"

"i wanted to see if you're here. i forgot to text." mila let him in the studio, and he sat in the chair. "this is a nice recording place. were you singing?"

"yeah, i only really do it by myself. it was actually one of your songs. like to be you." shawn grinned.

"well, i'm flattered. lets hear it, i want to know if you're even more talented than i already know."

mila shrugged, "i don't know, i'm not that good."

"please? i'll get a guitar and we can sing it together if it makes you feel more comfortable." mila agreed, a little scared. shawn began singing the first verse after he sat back down, and then mila joined for the chorus. his eyes widened and a huge grin broke on his face. mila nervously put a piece of hair behind her ear, singing her verse by herself.

can I kiss you or not?

cause I'm not really sure right now of what you want

are you still mad at me? i'm hopin not

cause maybe we could go to the movies

i know that always cheers us up, hey

they finished the song, and shawn laughed in astonishment, "that was incredible, mila, incredible. have you taken singing lessons?" mila shook her head, "damn. you need to record an album or some shit because the world needs to hear this." shawn took her hand and it startled her a bit, but his hand felt reassuring

"thank you, i've always liked singing. i used to belt songs in the car while my dad drove me to my violin lessons." she giggled, and her hand was still connected to shawn's, her other one playing with the rip in her jeans.

"where are you from?" he asked.

she looked into his eyes, studying his face. his pupils dilated like before. "uh, i'm from the us. i used to live in california, southern california. 'moved out here for college. i visit my family every break."

shawn nodded. "hey, do you want to get dinner tomorrow? we can drive out somewhere and eat it in the trunk. nothing fancy."

mila smiled. "i'd like that. how about six?"

shawn agreed, "do you want to sing some more?" the answer was obvious, and the two of them spent hours in the shop until morning nearly broke. mila's test scores would be paying for this, but she didn't give any fucks whatsoever. mila was happy. nothing was on her mind but shawn and the music. she felt like she was floating on a sea of clouds, and nothing else existed.

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