#Shameless Hacks

[deb-ava]

I know your hiatus is ending soon and you're going back to your show in a few weeks, but I was wondering if you would consider coming to my show as head writer.

HACKS (2021—Present)

3.09 | Bulletproof

[pennylunfersqueak]

i started reading an article and couldn’t continue due to not having a subscription.

then i remembered. the answer lies in ✨disabling Javascript ✨

tutorial links below, for anyone who also can’t find The OG Tumblr Post:

Chrome:

Firefox:

[comfortcomes]

things i get on instagram that make me want to k my s

[chaepink]

can u make headcannons on sub!yan’s tendencies in the relationship?

also can i be 🉑 or 🌝 anon?

dating sub!yandere boys hcs ♡

sub!yandere boys when they date you.

wc: 1.1k+ words | masterlist

dom!fem!reader, unhealthy relationship, mention of killing/murder, both sfw and nsfw!, mention of feminization, bondage

note: yes you can be 🌝 anon!

— your yandere would be possessive of you, even more compared to when you two were just friends

— well, you thought you two were just friends. he already assumed you two were together sometime earlier during his friendship with you

— he would do anything for you in order to make sure you're happy and safe

— a friend of yours is getting too touchy with you? well the next day that friend is ignoring you and when you confront them, they look at you scared and quickly scurry away from you. did your yandere do something to them? surely not

— a weird guy keeps following you around your neighborhood? well a couple of days later you see on the news that his body has been found near a river and weirdly enough, you havent seen your yandere on the days before the guy's death

— you complain to your yandere about how a teacher gave you a bad grade on something you worked so hard on? suddenly your grade changes to a A and that same exact teacher suddenly resigns from the school

— he'll try his best to know where you are most of the time and try to follow you back home to make sure you're safe (though its really obvious, you don't acknowledge him so he thinks he's actually doing something)

— but no matter how scary and possessive they are of you, they just want to be good for you, really

— its almost as if they're a puppy for you, always there for your beck and call

— give them a simple command and they'll do it immediately, no questions asked

— ask them to buy you a snack from the nearest store? he'll return back with a bagful of others that he thought you would like

— they're super clingy and always want to be near you

— somehow they manage to have the same exact classes that you have and at the same time. maybe you guys are just lucky? little do you know that your yandere hacked into the principal's computer to change his schedule to fit with yours

— if you're sick, they would immediately fetch you some medicine and make so many bowls of your favorite soup that you're not sure you could finish them all

— they would be so sad when you're sick cause that means they can't be as close as they usually are with you :(

— in bed, nothing changes at all. rather, he becomes even more infatuated with you

— they're still so good and obedient for you, always following your commands. its cute

— like what i said with him doing it with no hesitation, your yandere is eager to do what you say

— tell him to get on his knees? say less as he's already doing so, staring up at you with such innocent eyes

— tell him to open his mouth for you to stick your fingers inside? he opens wide and sticks out his tongue in such a sinful manner, hazy eyes absolutely begging you to make him choke on your fingers as drool drips down his chin

— order him to suck your strap and get it all wet? he's quick to get in between your legs and get his hands on the fake dick, his mouth going straight to bobbing it up and down and gagging as it hits the back of his throat. he'll try to subtly grind his hard on against your foot without you noticing but you do anyways but he's being a good boy so you allow it

— and oh my god is he so shameless in public

— no hesitation in telling you what he wants you to do to him when there are people around

— you'll be at brunch with some of your friends and suddenly you'll feel a hot breath on your ear, such sinful words coming soon after

"im wearing lingerie under my clothes, your favorite set too. wouldn't you like to just ruin me right here and now? make me cry and look so pretty while you show everyone im yours?"

— safe to say that you immediately dragged him to the family bathroom and fingered him until he was gripping onto you for dear life, begging and crying out for you to stop and take pity on him (he's lying about wanting you to stop)

— when you're out with errands or just at work, he'll take such sinful pictures of himself to send to you randomly

— the pictures would include his legs spread out, a obvious bulge in his underwear, and something adorning his body whether its lingerie, a maid outfit, or rope that's tied so tightly on him

— if he's feeling like teasing you even more, he'll send whimpering audios that beg you to come home and fuck him and if you listen close enough, you'll hear some wet noises that let you know that he's masturbating

"f-fuck, [name] come back s-soon, please? i-i miss you so much! i- ah! i-im wearing your favorite outfit right now! i'll be a g-good ngh boy waiting for you ♡"

— itll end up with you rushing home after you're finished to fuck him dumb in that outfit, making it stained with his tears and cum

— he knows you can't really get him pregnant but your yandere just loves those straps with cum in them that you can just shoot inside him whenever you're fucking him fast and rough

— that'll make his eyes roll back and head throw backwards as he lets out such a loud mewl at the feeling of your fake cum filling him up

— and afterwards he'll tease you by using his fingers to push the cum thats gushing out of his hole back in before licking his fingers

— although your yandere is a good boy for you most of the time, theres times where he's a brat

— he'll talk back to you whenever you command him to do something or cum without permission

— but just some long edging or overstimulation will break him and turn him into a sobbing mess

— tying his hands to the headboard and keeping his legs spread apart whilst a vibrator is inside him on the highest setting is his favorite punishment

— your yandere thinks you don't know that since you do it all the time but you actually do know it, you just love the way his face is stained with his drool and tears while his chest and the sheets underneath him is covered in his cum afterwards

— such a slut but we love him for it

ty for reading to the end! ❤ - chaepink

╰┈➤ masterlist | rules

[holycowboytiger]

Poly!141 x Hacker!Reader

Now now now- hear me out..... add a twist ...

GN!Reader

(Autistic!Reader anyone?)

CW: NSFW, Reader sees TF141..doing the sideways tango, Reader is not as harmless as they seem, mentions of murder, canon violence,

You work on base as one of the ''pencil pushers'' one of the useless tech drones who are constantly overlooked despite putting in hours upon hours of overtime to avoid people stealing and potentially selling military trade secrets and keeping classified files classified and only within the contents of the licensed computers.

You keep to yourself, most of the tech drones aren't known for being the most social, but even by their standards you're a shut in, alot of them find you off-putting,, and awkward to make conversation with, but that's ok! you like working alone, by yourself, in your own space.,.. and truth is you hate the majority of the people you work with anyway.

Most of your co-workers absolutely adore the 141, would lick the dirt off their boots of they asked, they're seen as heros, and you're just about done with most of the men you work with claiming they could've joined that taskforce if they didn't break their knee when they were 15, you're actually two seconds from breaking their neck.... but you have to keep yourself in check...

''You don't believe me?''

''You take 25 minutes to recover from walking up two flights of stairs Peter, so I think you should focus on what you're barely good at, which is this job.''

''Woah.. ok damn''

You could care less for the group, were they impressive? yes, from the missions and files that you have access to, their stats and skills were something to gawk at, something to admire, but, the admiration slowly fades when the one by the name of Soap brings his disgusting laptop with sticky keys to you, claiming it has a virus talking about about ''the Russians hacking it''

''I- dinnae mean ta bother- its just been- freak'n out on me and i dinnae know what's happenin with it- d'ya think it's the Russians?''

''erm.... I don't think so..''

The admiration completely disappears when you dig deeper into the laptop and find the various porn sites your dear ''Hero'' Soap had been spending hours on, not to judge, everyone enjoys a bit of porn from time to time, but the fact that its on an actual tactical laptop, military property, that you now have to see, and you now have to confront what the soldier was into.

From ''Masked Military Men'' to ''Office Secretary'' ''Military Captain Punishe- you get the fucking gist. AND! the list goes on, youre pretty sure that the entire taskforce is fucking by the end of your sweep,,,, and it only confirms it when you discover a file that was taking up far too much space.

Soap had actually been complaining about the device running slow too, so you decided to take a look, before deleting the file, incase it was something important...

Jesus fucking christ you should not have, you actually should've thrown the computer at his head when he brought it to you, you should've actually just never signed up for this job and kept with your previous one,,, even if it was quite,,,, dangerous

The file contained 100s and 100s of videos of the 141... together... getting it on..doing the sideways tango? fornicatin- ok they were fucking. They were fucking RAW and NASTY, and you're so sure one of the videos contained a leash, ears, muzzle and a tail, but you clicked off before you ruin your eyes any further.

Now now- before the reader starts squinting, you weren't judging the taskforce for getting it on with eachother, frankly it was none of your business, you weren't disgusted, just,, uncomfortable, you've never met these men- properly, yet you've seen their dick and balls.... you're allowed to feel a little weird, that and- Soap had trusted you to remove a virus, not go snooping into his computer files, you felt as if you had overstepped, even if he was a shameless sex fiend by the amount of porn he consumed- you still felt as if you'd pushed into his laptop too far,, now,, what to do,,,

Do you: A: Let him know that you have seen the videos of him and his taskforce, and apologise to all hell and hopes he doesn't murder you,, or worse- report you to HR....is there a HR in the military...? B: Remind him that this is military property and should not be treated as a personal possession, kind of hinting at the fact that you saw.. something.....?

or C: Pretend you saw nothing and give the device back to him, and just hope and pray you never see him walking around again,, maybe pray that you never see his taskforce wondering the building,, you cannot look them all in the face knowing that you've seen them,,, in their birthday suits lets just say.

....SO- we all agree on C? Good because that's what you end up doing

You find Soap the next day, shove the computer into his hands and hope to god he never needs your help again.

He thanks you, but not before you scurry away to your cave (desk) and hope he doesn't remember where it is.

''Soap-.. Laptop.''

'Ye fixed it!? Thank fuck- it wasn't-''

''No Russians.''

''ahhh, whateve'r it was, thank ye mate''

''mhm.....welcome''

Now, to clear something up, your perception of him isn't ruined by some porn you found on his laptop, for fucks sake you had castrated a man before- oh.......uhhh,,, i mean,,,,,, you've,,, youv'e seen worse.... dark web stuff...Yeah!!! Dark web stuff!

ANYWAY. You didn't judge him, truly, he was still an ok dude, you just never had a taste for the taskforce, never really shared the weird admiration others had for them, and now with , it would just be weird if you adored them as much...

You hoped he didn't take your cold shoulder to heart, and hoped that some of your coworkers would sooner label you as a weirdo introvert so he doesn't take too much offense at your avoidance of him.

You felt a little guilty everytime you saw his smile drop when you didn't wave back at him, or nod at him when he walked past, but- your awkwardness was not enough to deter him, the man was like a damned puppy, he was just too friendly, he just wanted to see you smile at him once..

SO- what did you resort to? Being rude and standoffish,, and no you weren't proud of yourself, from the death glares to the snappiness when he greeted you, his friendly nature slowly faded as he realised day by day that you were NOT going to be his friend, in another life you may have gotten along, maybe you'd have the courage to actually tell him about what you found....

''Aye! Yo! Bon! How're-''

''I'm busy.''

'oh,,,uh- sorr-''

''its fine just,, quit botherin me''

But with your past and the weird barrier you had put infront of the taskforce, you stayed away, pushed him away..

you needed to keep him away, the closer he got, the more danger you could be in,, you could be exposed,,,, or were you just paranoid? being a murde- UHHH doing SOMETHING not so legal will make you that way...

The more upset Soap was, the more eyes you could feel drilling into the back of your skull.. 141 did not take kindly to you being so.... hostile towards their,,, teammate? boyfriend????? LOVER?? HUSBAN-ok lets not get too ahead of ourselves.

But you just couldn't face them ... you saw their penises,,,,,,, yeah no you cant.

From the glares to ''accidentally'' bumping you in the halls and your lunch going missing, you had started a petty office war with the taskforce,, which was hilarious because,,,, these are trained military men- bullying(?) you in work because you made their boyfriend sad.

he even thought they were being a little.. much

''Don't ye think yer being,,, alot?''

''Nah,,, they were being a bitch.''

''ah....''

Admiration for the men? They'd be lucky if you even had a good word to say about them fucking childishimmatureassholeswhoarefuckingeacotherfuckingbitchesughyouhatethemsomuch

Ok calm down you're lowkey going crazy... you are kind of insane, but PLEASE lets try to function like a normal person and ignore these fully grown men acting like school girls... lets focus on your job!!! Please before you go back to your previous one..... for the love of god please stay focused

You do not need friends in here, you need to make sure that people aren't stealing military data, you don't need the taskforce to appreciate the work you do, you don't need to make friends in your workplace, you don't need to eat your lunch with people or stand by the water cooler and gossip you don't need your coworkers to invite you out for drinks at the weekend

You're fully booked,,,, and by fully booked I mean you either have an ,,,,, ''target'' or you're going to rot away at home, bottle in hand while you find dirt on everyone in your personal life for shits and giggles, hey! Peter is cheating on his wife!.... if he pisses you off you should call her- .....maybe- or you could use it when you needed it.

As time went on, 141 slowly got bored of inconveniencing you, thinking you got the memo,, they still didn't like you,, and still glare at you- but hey! your lunch is still where you put it!

The whole ordeal is over, I mean, you're a little more hated in the office than you once were but, that means less people bothering you, and less people in your personal space trying to get you to ''open up''

You are officially alone, you dodged the bullet that is soaps friendship and you can just.. relax... until you realise the sites that your not friend has visited, and you slowly figure with at the rate he consumes porn he will find himself with another virus in his laptop... and he's going to go to one of your coworkers and ask them to fix it since you have proven to not be up for the task again...

Theyre gonna see,,,, oh- oh no the files, the videos,,, the search history-

''aye- Peter-- ' think there's somethin' wrong with me laptop''

oh fuck.

[uno-san]

Bill Cipher Vs. Self-Hatred

Howdy y'all! Today I just wanted to go over some thoughts I had over everybody's favorite triangle that may or may not have occurred to some of you already. Naturally this will contain Book of Bill Spoilers.

To start off our little essay I thought it would be important to first sum up my thoughts on one of Bill's more complicated relationships: Stanford

Now we've all seen his dynamic with Stanford plenty of times in the show but with recent information coming from both the Book of Bill and thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com more light has been shed on the subject from both Bill's perspective and Ford's.

There's more than meets the eye when it comes to dissecting Bill's interactions and thoughts on Stanford, with the ever enlightening "EVEN HIS LIES ARE LIES" making theorists scratch their heads. Within the Book of Bill are these codes and their meanings: hbh grfwru ri d gliihuhqw nlqg/ zkr zdqw wr pdnh klv sdwlhqw eolqg

eye doctor of a different kind/ who wants to make his patient blind

Qeb alzqlo pxvp/ qeobb pfmp x axv/ tfii jxhb qeb sfpflkp/ dl xtxv

The doctor says/ three sips a day/ will make the visions/ go away

Ixvvb hdwhu/ edeb eloob/ zrxogq'w gulqn/ xqohvv lwv vloob

Fussy eater/ baby billy/ wouldn't drink/ unless its silly

As well as:

Finding out that both Stanford and Bill have a genetic mutation that made them Black Sheep suggests the possibility that Bill saw a kinship within Stanford. After all, he did make the offer for Stanford to join him. No doubt being able to sympathize with Stanford's situation yet misreading his motivations, causing the rift in their once savable relationship once Bill's lies were uncovered.

Now I'll admit it was others who came up with this theory in particular, especially when drawing comparisons of how Stanford was treated and how Bill allegedly was for having a strange eye. Stanford, in some form of other, might represent how Bill was before he saw the destruction of his world by his hands. A mere outcast looking for his place in the world. To be believed rather than ridiculed or "fixed".

Self-Hatred

And now we get to the Bill we all know today:

The chaos loving and nightmare inducing three-sided maniac, who may be hiding more insecurities than he ever let on in the show, thanks to the Theraprism.

Someone far more traumatized

Who's had to convince himself to fully be the bastard he is today

But if the theory that Bill had a type of kinship with Stanford thanks to their mutations was true, then wouldn't it be possible that his relationship with someone else might represent the inner struggle with himself?

For you see, the original title of this post was...

Bill Cipher Vs. Stanley Pines

As my own theory is that Stanley Pines is what Bill decided to project his self-hatred on. Nobody can doubt that the two have similar qualities, yet as I read the Book of Bill and thisisnotawebsitedotcom I couldn't help but notice the absolute malice that Bill has for Stanley whenever he's mentioned.

There have been many opponents before that have strived to take Bill down. Whether that was the Shaman, the Anti-Cipher Society, or Time Baby, none of his interactions with them have appeared as vitriol as compared to Stanley.

Not even Stanford has this same reaction, who, by really no contest, was the closest to ever defeating Cipher by himself. Both with the gun that he near successfully killed Bill with and the secret of the barrier of Gravity Falls he refused to give up. Bill didn't even have a real interaction with Stanley until the last episode.

Yet it isn't Stanford that causes Bill to break while he's in the Theraprism. It's Stanley.

"-A resume-inflating, cheap trick loving, past-denying overgrown child protected from failure only by a force field of DENIAL AND shamelessness!"

"Self-pitying"

"Stupid"

"Smug"

"Hack Jokes"

"UNWORTHY"

Now it could be just me, but those are a lot of specific insults to fling somebody's way that you've barely interacted with. Especially if Bill credits the Twin Swap to Stanford entirely as opposed to allowing Stanley the credit.

"STEP RIGHT UP, it's time to play my FAVORITE GAME!! BOOTLEG SIXER over HERE spent a LIFETIME trying to hide his humiliations, BUT I'VE BEEN INSIDE HIS MIND, so NOW they’re ALL YOURS for the low low price of BEING MY NEW PAL! ITS SHOWTIME FOLKS, AND THE ONLY WAY TO LOSE IS TO BE NAMED STANLEY PINES!"

“SHAME:TM - IT'S THE ONE FRIEND WHO NEVER LEAVES!”

This out-of-character hatred doesn't come from the fact that Bill thought Stanley wasn't worthy, it comes from the fact that Bill sees himself in Stan. Who by all means is a lying and conniving screw up. Somebody who let his family down.

This could possibly be proven by the poem Bill had wrote about Stanley:

The whole poem suits my point but I decided to highlight the sections that caught my eye specifically. That when you put into consideration Bill's clear trauma and regret about the Euclidian Massacre, his own words can clearly be flipped back on him.

That he sees himself as a curse and a mistake. A self-made monster. Someone who's left the past behind when the loss of his home is still on his mind.

And what truly gets under Bill's skin about Stanley Pines?

"He got his life and family back.

His big break, it finally came,

Redemption from a life of shame"

Stanley got back what Bill can't.

[mediumgayitalian]

“Hnnnngh.”

Will snorts, reaching around his book to pat his currently cooking boyfriend gently if teasingly in the face region.

“There, there.”

“Hnnnnngh,” says Nico, with more emphasis. He curls up a little closer to Will, tucking his burning forehead to the dip in his shoulder.

Which, like. Is obviously very bad for him and everything, Will would of course prefer him to be healthy, et cetera, et cetera, but also the woods are a little chilly and Austin said he was gonna regret not wearing a sweater, so obviously he couldn’t go back and get one, and while unfortunate for the boy in question Will is a teensy weensy bit grateful for Nico’s pyrogens. Sue him.

Will flips a page.

“You know, you would be in less pain and misery if you went unconscious. Hard to feel anything when you aren’t aware of anything, famously.”

“Shldn’t b sleepin’,” Nico mumbles. Will widens his stance ever so slightly. Nico curls further against him. Will grins. Score.

“You better sleep. I worked hard for those herbs, you know. Don’t waste all my hard work.”

Nico makes another noise of stubborn misery, freeing his hand for the sole purpose of flapping it dismissively.

“Nnngh.”

Will sighs. Nico’s eyes are squeezed shut, but there is a brazen, shameless pout to his lips, and he just looks so miserable, and it is entirely his fault for traipsing about in the dark and cold but he is so so pitiable and so so cute. Will is moved, a little. Not a lot, ‘cause his boyfriend’s a dumbass and Will does not indulge dumbasses, but.

Most dumbasses aren’t quite so adorable when they’re hacking up a lung and wishing for death.

“It’s a head cold, you fucking goober.”

“I’m fevered,” Nico retorts, popping one dark eye open to glare. “My brain is cooking, and this is how you treat me? Your beloved? This is how you treat me, the love of your life, when my brain is simmering at one hundred and ten degrees?”

“You are barely one hundred point four.”

“Cooking!”

“Oh my gods.”

Will cannot help himself. He ducks down and kisses Mr. Drama Queen Of Darkness on those ridiculous pouty lips, not bothering to hide his smirk. Nico whines again.

“Go to sleep, you dumbass.”

Nico puffs out a breath, sagging against Will’s side.

“I can’t.” His eyes flutter shut, limbs growing heavy. Will pushes his book to the side, settling against the tree they’re laying against and sliding his hands into Nico’s sweaty hair. With every knot he detangles, Nico shivers. “I can’t sleep, there’re — dng’rous things. Inthe forest.”

Will snorts. How chivalrous. “Don’t worry about it, Ghost King.” He slows his hand as Nico stills, breaths evening. He waits, motionless, counting Nico’s laboured breaths: in, two, three, four, out, two, three, four. In. Out. In. Out.

He picks up his book again when he’s sure Nico’s asleep, wrapping an arm around him. He looks out into the clearing, watching the shifting shadows, meeting the glare of glowing red eyes and flashing fangs. He grins, green circling his eyes, acrid, emerald smoke simmering in circles around them.

“I am the most dangerous thing in this forest.”

———

based on this comic

[mymoshangthoughts]

cumplane thoughts: (lots of nsfw LOL)

airplane in shen yuan's lap, cockwarming for him while he writes and shen yuan looks over his shoulder, sharply criticizing his writing

shen yuan using his advanced knowledge of pidw to wifeplot the fuck out of airplane (its not his fault that airplane doesnt remember that flower is an aphrodisiac or this cave is the "ohno now we have to get married!" cave. really, it was irresponsible of airplane to forget such things and this was the forgone conclusion of that hack author being so forgetful)

cucumber and airplane being enemies online, but crushing on each other irl without knowing about the online handles (classmates? workmates? that cute guy i see on the train?)

shen twins au where shen yuan notices that disciple shang is kinda sus and investigates (thinking that its bc of the mobei jun thing and now that he's grown up in this world he's sort of invested in NOT having demons attack his sect-mates), but the more he gets to know the skittish disciple, the more he's sorta catching feelings and this is a problem! bc shang qinghua is gonna be a traitor! ....but is he really? sure, qinghua is a lil asshole, but he's not really the bloodthirsty type? maybe with some proper guidance from his shixiong he'll turn out better? no, jiu-ge, i am not being naive and no i dont think my dick cures evil, its not like that! it's just that--why are you calling him my boyfriend?! I SAID IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, JIU-GE!

cumplane frenemies since their school days and current roommates. shen "i'm not gay so the sex isnt gay" yuan and shang "you're not fooling anyone but sure" qinghua. they're just 'friends' according to shen yuan. it's 'no homo sex' apparently. shang qinghua is fine with this, he is, his stupid boyfriend might have the most internalized homophobia in the world but like... they live together and shen yuan is mostly nice to him and they've been together for years and this is something real, right? except shen yuan's mom starts pressuring him to "finally settle down and marry a nice girl" so shen yuan is talking about it and the sinking realization finally hits shang qinghua that shen yuan never really considered their relationship to be a real thing. thats... fine... this is fine... he'll be fine. he is not fine. nope. not one bit. and he is not gonna be the bigger man about this. fuck. no. he is absolutely going to fucking destroy that stupid piece of shit EX boyfriend who never deserved him!! he is going to avenge himself and ruin shen yuan's life and he is going to be super shitty about it! but first, he's going to run away from home and cry with a tub of ice-cream bc wow that is the most painful breakup he's ever had haha. except after shang qinghua disappears and leaves behind a "fuck you, i want a divorce" note, shen yuan looks for him and asks friends and gets dressed down for being an idiot and also realizes oh fuck he actually totally was in love with his not-boyfriend and now he has to win back a very vengeful and very bitter shang qinghua, who also knows all of his weaknesses and darkest secrets

cumplane sex where cucumber is struggling to comprehend just how fucking shameless airplane is. that man can ride his dick while moaning pathetically and then still look cucumber in the face and smile while asking for round five and cucumber knew that airplane wrote porn, cucumber READ that porn, but nothing quite prepared him for just how horny and sexually expressive airplane is. SHEN YUAN'S THIN FACE WAS NOT READY FOR THIS SHIT

shang twins au: the shang twins have been pretending to be one person, for vaguely evil reasons, and shen yuan notices solely bc he Is A Very Observant and Smart Person and it's not at all because he's memorized the pattern of airplane's freckles or anything gay like that, nope, that's not it at all!

cucumber starts talking to one of airplanes various troll alts that he uses to stir up drama and airplane replies, fully intending to further agitate one of his loudest anti-fans except.... they just kinda... keep talking? and airplane is really enjoying himself? and they're taking it to the dms and now they're kinda friends and shit, it's bad if cucumber finds out he's airplane, right? the entire basis of their friendship is a lie then. which is totally fine, haha, this friendship prolly won't last long. except it totally does and now theres like irl meetings and cucumber is Fucking Handsome and that isn't fair AT ALL bc now airplane has a crush on his (best??)friend and ohwow, cucumber can srsly NEVER learn abt his identity as the author. cucumber is a super bitter and grudge holding person but also he HATES the author and airplane rreeeallly likes having someone who kinda likes him in his life aND OHFUCK IS THAT CUCUMBER LOOKING AT HIS PHONE!?

shen yuan making airplane endure Every Single sex position that he wrote those poor wives in the harem having to endure. partially to make a point of "that CANT be possible", partially bc he's still annoyed at the hack writing, and partially bc it's rrreeeeeaallly nice to see airplane fucked out of his mind like that

airplane accidentally wife-plots himself and cucumber is a good bro about it and fucks away the fuck-or-die pollen. except now he's accidentally gotten airplane addicted to his dick??? bc now airplane is seeking him out constantly. was there something else in that fuck-or-die pollen? bc airplane is acting weird. was there some freaky love potion or something? ahh, it's really hard to think of the answer when he wakes up to the peak lord of an ding sucking his dick

airplane accidentally gets transformed into a magical beast and before he can find his way back to humanity, he gets beaten up and hauled off by liu qingge to be presented as a gift to shen yuan. which oki, fine, maybe he can communicate to his bro. but shen yuan is really nice to him when he's in this form (like a hamster monster) and wow, he never knew how much he really liked shen yuan being nice to him??? maybe he should just let it be for a bit longer??

shen yuan, recently trasnmigrated into the body of an ice demon, does not know what to do about the sobbing an ding disciple clinging to his thigh and begging for his life (bc i refuse to kill off mobei jun, this is a body swap au and now mobei jun has to live in modern day china as shen yuan LOL)

cucumber decides that he likes airplane best when he's too fucked out of his mind to keep talking shit. also, on a related note, airplane decides he likes when cucumber talks shit when they're in bed the most. does he have a degradation kink? he might have a degradation kink.

sugar baby airplane and his very grumpy sugar daddy shen yuan. yes, airplane is spoiled rotten, but he also has a strict writing schedule and his harshest critic tormenting him in bed. but ohwell, shen yuan also nags him to eat properly and makes sure that he does and the kitchen is always stocked and sometimes shen yuan just pulls him into a hug and rests his chin against airplane's head and yeah, he can live with sometimes getting fucked while cucumber growls in his ear "that was a shit chapter, you completely forgot the continuity from chapter 24 and now you created a big stupid plothole with the most interesting monster you made--". its a good life

airplane first meets shen yuan as a coworker. he's a rich trust-fund baby type who has impeccable fashion and a poser attitude. clearly a thin face and probably boring as fuck. airplane meets shen yuan for the second time at a convention while signing autographs, dressed in binghe-merch and clearly Way Too Invested. and airplane immediately thinks the gap moe is AMAZING. he's gonna have so much fucking fun with this. especially since airplane was wearing cosplay and his coworker didn't recognize him >:D

[liberalsarecool]

Russians have bought/hacked conservatives around the world. Republicans were weak and went down quickly.

Now MAGA is the proxy for Putin. Right wingers in America are deplorable and shameless.

[argisthebulwark]

My Best Friend, My One & Only

summary: how they propose <3 gn reader, no gendered pronouns or y/n used. feat: Farkas, Teldryn, Miraak, Brynjolf, Balimund, Mercer, Vilkas warnings: non explicit mentions of battle/injury a/n: yes I know this isn't how proposals work in the elder scrolls, I know about the amulets, rings are just more romantic to me masterlist

Farkas does it in the middle of a difficult battle. When you're back to back, weapons bloodied and muscles beyond exhausted and the enemies are circling closer. "If we make it out of this," Farkas pants, back flexing as he readies his sword once more. "Will you marry me?" "What?" "C'mon, if we're both alive tomorrow we'll get married. Deal?" "Alright, deal." You gulp, rallying whatever shred of strength you have left. An arrow lodges itself near your feet and you're lost again, hacking and slashing through the seemingly endless waves of bandits. It isn't difficult to keep track of Farkas on the battlefield - his stature and the roar of his victorious laugh calm your worries about losing him. Once only the two of you remain standing, you turn to him. Through the mud and viscera Farkas is grinning as he approaches you, chest heaving with each deep breath. "We both lived." He brags, one messy hand scrounging in his pockets. Your heart flips when he produces a stunning ring in his outstretched palm and offers it to you. "I didn't think you were serious." You breathe, plucking it from his hand despite the screaming of your muscles. Holding it up you marvel at the silvery moonlight glimmering on its beautiful stones. "I wouldn't joke about this." The ring fits so easily onto your finger. Farkas presses shameless kisses on your hand and up your arm, clearly so excited to see his ring on your finger. You can hardly believe that this is real, this isn't a dream.

Teldryn has never really brought up marriage, so the hypothetical catches you off guard - would you ever want to get married? Coming from a relatively large family it had once been the expectation but after the years of dealing with dragons and wars it's become less of a priority. "Yeah, I suppose I would." "You suppose?" "Well, you never bring it up so I haven't given it too much thought." "I ever said to me, specifically." There's a glimmer of humor in his eyes but you can't bring yourself to play into it. Something about this conversation feels heavy, like it's more important than some silly banter. "I wouldn't consider it with anyone else." Teldryn sighs and flips a coin your way. You scramble to catch it, glaring over at him when he begins to wander away. Prepared to ask why in the hells he would throw a septim your way you stare down at your hand. Sitting there in the palm of your tattered glove is the most beautiful ring you've ever seen. Small pale stones glitter around one dark gem placed in the center, all held together with sturdy metal. That bastard has the audacity to propose to you so casually? To toss this gorgeous ring at you, risk it falling into the dirt, and stroll off as if he hadn't just offered you something so beautiful? "What d'ya think?" Teldryn smirks, glancing over his shoulder. You want to berate him for his nonchalant tone but you've lost all words, tears springing into your eyes at the realization. Teldryn's offering you a future together, a promise that he won't leave. Placing that ring on your finger, you know that it's all you want.

Miraak doesn't. He began referring to you as his spouse ages ago. You've been his partner for so long it's an easy rhythm to fall into. Everyone else simply accepts that you're married and you're comfortable with it - saves you the trouble of planning a wedding. You know that Miraak isn't going anywhere and neither are you. After lifetimes together, you feel that traditional wedding ceremonies can't capture the depth and love that have been crafted between you. Miraak is your future and your past, and when he whispers that you are his entire world you know that it is true. "So," some lordling pipes up, drawing everyone's attention. Thanes and Jarls mill about the room and Miraak rolls his eyes, still unsure why you insist on maintaining relationships with them. "Yes?" You respond, rubbing a soothing hand over Miraak's arm. You take a sip of your drink and ready yourself for whatever political nonsense they have to offer now. "We've heard so many stories about you two - how did Miraak propose to you?" Wine practically shoots out of your nose. You snort, grabbing onto Miraak's coat and fight the laughter bubbling up at his expression. Your beloved husband is looking especially pale when he wipes absently at your face. "Well," he stalls and oh, it is delightfully entertaining. Miraak, always so eloquent, at a loss for words? It's a rare sight, even you have hardly seen it. "I may have skipped a few steps." "There's still time." You snicker playfully, fixing the lapel of his coat. He sends you a cutting glare, though it hasn't scared you for ages.

Brynjolf wants to keep it lowkey. He never thought he'd make it this far, not bothering for decades to imagine anything for himself outside of the Guild. When you're seated atop a manor, packs full and enjoying your last night before the long carriage ride home, he slides the ring toward you. "Did you steal this?" You question, totally ignorant of the furious blush in his face. Examining the ring in the moonlight is difficult but you're impressed, a simple and stunning piece. One deep green gem is framed with gentle swirls of metal, so unlike the terribly gaudy pieces you're used to pocketing. "Usually these lords have awful taste but this is beautiful, Bryn." "Glad you like it." He sounds a bit off, almost nervous. You scour the streets below but can't make out any guards. "It looks expensive, I bet Tonilia can fetch a good price." "No." "No?" Your brows tighten, that strained tone of his voice sets your nerves on edge. "It's for you." The situation punches you in the gut. Brynjolf, usually so calm and collected, looks nearly ready to launch himself off the roof. The gorgeous ring sitting in your hand, the ring that's for you. "Are you asking me to marry you?" Your fingers quiver when Brynjolf finally meets your gaze. "That depends on how you're plannin' to answer." His nervous laugh is so endearing. How could he possibly think you would refuse him? "Well, we live and work together, we've discussed spending our lives together, and all the recruits think we're already married." You squeeze his chilly fingers, surprised at how scared he is. "Of course I want to marry you, Bryn." "Oh, thank god - please don't fence that, love. Cost me a fortune."

Balimund works with Madesi for ages to forge a ring just for you. He's known for years that he intends to spend his life with you, there's no need to rush this step. The pair craft a ring to Balimund's exact specifications, priding himself on knowing exactly what you like. He chooses one of the nights you treasure the most - a quiet night at home together. No couriers pounding down the door or Jarls demanding your presence, just a night at home. You notice Balimund planting extra kisses to your shoulder while you cook dinner together and gazing at you across the table until you're certain there's something stuck in your teeth. Curled up on the couch together, your heart feels so full it hurts. Balimund's heavy arm rests around your shoulders, calloused fingers trailing over your skin as gentle kisses press to the crown of your head. You notice the uptick in his heartbeat where you're pressed to his chest and snuggle closer. "You alright, dearest?" You yawn, glancing up at him. Balimund finds himself struck by the sight of you; eyes soft and tired after a lazy day together, that gentle smile on your face he loves so dearly. He swears he falls in love with you all over again in this one moment. "I want this for the rest of my life." He mumbles, grasping the little box in his pocket. He's been fussing with it all night, gathering all his courage over the course of the evening but suddenly it's all gone. When he feels your hand cup his face Balimund gulps and draws the box out. "Me too, love." "Yeah?" He thumbs open the box, nervously presenting you when the fruit of his labor. Perfectly polished metal bears three sparkling gems. They aren't large or especially impressive but he recalls the way your eyes lit up when you'd seen each of them in his chest of supplies. "Balimund, please tell me you're proposing." "'Course I am, dearest." "Oh thank the gods."

Mercer doesn't. He's already gotten far too close, he can't let you creep any further into his heart. Occasionally when you're tucked into bed at his side, legs tangled together and all worries banished, you smile up at him and he sees an entire future. And gods, he hates it. Boring days spent together in the Cistern and weeks on the road to some high profile job. His family's ring sparkling on your finger and your lips on his skin. Watching grey creep into your hair and retiring in some fancy manor not too far from Riften, somewhere you can watch the leaves turn that shade of orange that lifts your spirits. Marriage, family, a real life together... he hates the thought of it. He's in too deep and there's no going back. His stomach always turns when he catches glimpses of that potential life he could have with you because for one desperate moment he wants it. He wants to forget about all the bullshit he's spent his life building up, the Guild, the Eyes, everything to live that life with you. But he can't. Mercer wishes he didn't make your smile falter in these moments when he wants you so badly. He clutches you a little closer, pressing a kiss to your forehead in a silent apology for the heartbreak he'll surely dump on you someday. He knows he'll only break your heart, the longer he puts it off the worse it gets, but he can't bring himself to give you up. "Love you." Guilt spikes at his heart each time you yawn those damning words into his chest. Your skin is so lovely and warm when an arm wraps around his waist. I love you. He chokes on those words he can't say, choosing instead to kiss your head once more instead of damning himself further.

Vilkas knows that you'll say yes but fuck, he's still terrified. You're relaxing in the fancy inn, muscles loose from an afternoon of lazing in the hot springs. He's never been away from Jorrvaskr for so long without being on an assignment but tonight his nerves are entirely your fault. He's had it planned out for weeks. The many days spent relaxing far from the worries of your everyday life have lead up to this evening; a fancy dinner he's picked out every little component of, chilled drinks on the patio, and the ring. It sounds so easy in his mind but standing here in your rented cabin, he can't keep his hands from shaking. Thank the gods you help him with that last button. He'd only bought the jacket after you pointed out it would look nice on him, and when you smile up at him he can hardly breathe. "Are we running away?" You sigh, thumb tracing over his cheek. "Not if we plan on going back." He fumbles with the box in his pocket, stunned when you smile up at him. "There's no one else in the world I'd rather run away with. Even if it's just for a couple days." He isn't sure what he's thinking - the entire plan is forgotten when you're beaming up at him. Vilkas produces the ring, heart swelling at your words and the blatant love in your eyes when you gaze up at him. Suddenly his meticulously planned dinner seems far less romantic than what you'd said. "Vilkas," you pause, carefully reaching toward the little box. "What is this?" "Please marry me." He chokes out, all his fear and anxiety spiking when you thumb it open to glance at the ring. It's bewildering how just a few minutes can feel like hours but he endures it, choking back every nervous word until you respond. "Of course I'll marry you, Vilkas." Thank the gods you put him out of his misery. Vilkas feels numb when you launch yourself at him, arms around his shoulders and face buried in his neck. God, the world feels so wonderful right now. Vilkas holds you to his chest, relief slowly ridding him of those nerves until he's practically giddy - you've agreed to marry him.

[merbear25]

Can I please have a funny fic where the reader tries to make brownies for the captain’s, but accidentally botches the recipe and adds too much oil?..

Note: Based on a actual incident where I accidentally added too much oil to a boxed brownie recipe. Oops.

Hello! I've been there and feel your pain 😭 I made the type of sweets more general, so I hope that's okay! Hope you like it 💜💜

CW: SFW, gn!reader, headcanons, humor, Gotei 13 after TYBW (spoilery? maybe?)

Giving them botched sweets (Captains)

Chokes it down: Shunsui, Byakuya, Isane, Rose

“Oh! What a nice thought!” That was playing in their minds when the extra oil coated their fingers. You were really putting their acting skills to the test. They swallowed that crime to baking like champs: no flinching or shades of green to be found. Their manners didn’t escape them either. A proper thank you was given, despite how much of a film was left in their mouths. If someone else asked to try them, they’d jump in with a "No, no, no… these are all for me” to try and save them but mostly you from embarrassment.

Unconvincingly grateful: Toshiro, Rukia, Lisa, Iba, Kensei

They were genuinely looking forward to trying your baked goods, but oh… oh no why did they look like that? Their excitement faded and was replaced with a forced smile. The thank you dragged out as they looked down at the gift you’d given them. They looked back up at you, forced smile still intact, and when you didn’t leave, a look of panic played in their eyes. Eating it was done with no grace. “Mmm! M..mhm!” As they nodded and chewed painstakingly slowly. “S-so good…”

Shameless hacking: Shinji, Kenpachi, Soi fon

You baked them something? Curiosity got the better of them but soon had them stumped. They didn’t know what to expect from your baking skills, but even so how could they have expected that? Were you trying to poison them? No? Were you sure about that? Because every fiber of their being expelled whatever it was you handed to them. And no, they weren’t overreacting…but yes, they were quite rude about it, even if it was unintentional. Their lieutenants had to remind them that you were still in the room.

Directly in the trash: Mayuri

“...” What was that and why were you giving it to him? He side-eyed you as you held the closed box. The faintest glimmer of curiosity was stomped out when you opened it and showed him the oily monstrosity. You couldn’t really take any more of the awkward silence, so you set it down and left immediately. He wasted no time in chucking it in the trash. Just to be clear, even if you’d stuck around, he still would have thrown it in the trash in front of you.

[redclercs]

DELICATE✰ CHARLES LECLERC.

ix. i'm so sick of running as fast as i can

— the one where they painted you out to be bad (so it's okay that you're mad).

warnings: fair warning you're going to be pissed, foul language, this one has more media between text and it's a little long. 2.3k words (+articles and a very long youtube thing!!)

currently playing: it's time to go by taylor swift!

masterlist ✢ next

By Alana Blake

YOU read it here first, friends. #YNCHARLES is still going strong even after the mess y/n found herself in during the Spanish Grand Prix weekend.

Rumor had it that after y/n's declarations where she said 'it was not serious' and 'she was just having fun', the Monegasque heartthrob dumped her immediately. This was fueled by the fact that we didn't see any pictures of them together during such weekend.

But sources have come to the rescue, letting us all know they're not broken up! "They talk every day for hours," our source said, "Both are still trying to keep it fun but more lowkey after everyone found out about the cheating."

RELATED: Victoria Presley's top five beauty hacks.

You would think that after a partner refers to you as a 'toy', dumping them is the best course of action, but apparently that doesn't apply to Mr. Leclerc who has "nothing but good things to say about y/n".

"He's excited to see her in New York before the Canada Grand Prix, they have it all planned out since she has her apartment back." The source added.

One thing is for sure, if we see y/n at the next Grand Prix, that's the big confirmation that they are together, since they blew their Elix cover by forcing them to end the contract.

SEE ALSO:

→ Victoria Presley's inauguration after party at the Grand Havana Room, you just had to be there.

→ Taylor Swift defends y/n y/ln: ''All of you have learned nothing!"

→ Aidan Kim on Charles Leclerc: "Never heard of him until my girlfriend cheated on me"

𝙂𝙊𝙏 𝙎𝙊𝙈𝙀𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙏𝙊 𝙎𝘼𝙔? 𝙇𝙀𝘼𝙑𝙀 𝘼 𝘾𝙊𝙈𝙈𝙀𝙉𝙏 𝘽𝙀𝙇𝙊𝙒!

You're seeing the top comments.

Anonymous – 4 hr ago

They're both so shameless! and charles was liking tweets saying they were friends like he could really trick us.

kollhha – 3 hr ago

I hate her, Charles dump her ass for the love of god.

adriennewells – 40 min ago

no but seriously what is it about y/n that has men brainwashed?

Anonymous – 10 min ago

They WOULD be cute together, i don't think they're dating though.

June 10th, Los Angeles, California

You fit your life for the past months into two suitcases, and a carry on. Your room at Vic's house is messy and it feels strangely empty without your discarded shoes and dirty laundry on the floor. But it's time to go, you cannot impose your presence in this enormous house anymore. You have felt like an intruder since you started traveling to Formula 1 and coming back every week like this is your hotel and not your best friend's home.

"Are you really going back to New York?" Vic asks from behind you, voice low with sadness.

"Yes, Vic, I have to." you sigh, turning to meet her. She's dressed up in her fucsia workout gear, holding a light ring in her left hand and her phone in the right. Your flight leaves in the evening and you were hoping to have a meal with Vic before parting to the airport, but it looks like she's all booked.

"No you don't," she argues, entering the room. "Hollywood is here, y/n why do you need to go back to New York? You're an actress!"

You feel like a lot of things, except for an actress right now.

"I don't think Hollywood wants me right now, Vic," you say, going back to the unmade bed to lie down. You asked the cleaning lady if she could leave your room for last so you could finish picking your stuff up, and she agreed gently. "Plus, I really miss New York."

"y/n you haven't even visited my store, you can't go!" Vic's tone changes in octave, and it's not her whiny 'please don't do this' tone you're so used to. "I asked you for ONE favor and you're running to New York and you can't do even just that?"

"Woah, Vic, what the fuck?" you use your elbows as support to lean up and look at her. "Calm down. It's okay." you know her tantrum comes from the fact that she truly believes you could boost her beauty line sales and make her store a 'hot spot'. And it would work, for the wrong reasons. You don't want Vic being dragged down into this mess too. Mati and Charles are enough casualties.

"NO IT'S NOT!" Victoria is full-on yelling now, the light ring has been tossed aside. "I have given everything you've asked from me in the past months since your life started falling apart. I think I deserve something in return."

You ignore the bite of her words. She's angry, which is understandable to some level. She doesn't mean it, right? That she always expected something in return.

"Vic, listen, I know how important your store is to you. But I promise you, you don't want the attention I'm bringing to anyone close to me right now."

"Oh, so you're doing this for my own good now?" she scoffs, ponytail flying in the air as she turns around. "Are you fucking Charles Leclerc for his own good too? Or do men's reputations don't matter?" she spits.

You halt completely, halfway out of the mattress. "What did you say?"

"Oh, please y/n. You really want me to believe you don't want to be seen with me to 'protect me'" she throws the quotations in the air, "And yet you went on your pretty vacation with that bitch Matilde, and you talk to fucking Charles Leclerc every day!"

"Victoria, stop," your brain is a mix of anger, sadness and confusion. You’re having trouble catching up to the where the conversation is going. "That was different, Vic. In case you haven't noticed, things can't stop getting worse. My life is not good right now." You choke on the last words, because it's the first time you say such things out loud. You have never been more miserable.

Victoria scoffs yet again, and it’s a tear in your heart. She's really not backing off. "Of course your life isn't good y/n wah, wah. You have money and beauty and a pilot boyfriend, it sucks so much to be you!"

"Why are you so bothered about it? Why is Charles the main problem here?" you wipe the tears from your cheeks, scratching the skin with one of your rings. "Why the fuck are you acting like this?"

Everything was alright this morning at breakfast, when you reminded her you were leaving and your luggage was almost done. When you thanked her for taking you in and told her you could never really repay her support.

"Because you get everything you want all the time!" Victoria stomps to you, her face inches away when she stops. "You always get what you want no matter what. It didn't even matter that I said you view him as a fucking piece of meat! He still went after you."

The world moves in slow-motion as her words cascade on you. Your lungs close and your throat tightens again, and you want to fight the panic attack because you just know Victoria is not going to help you. How could she? If she's the one who betrayed you.

"How–Why–" you stutter, the hem of your shirt on your fist. You can fight this. "How could you do this to me?"

Victoria finally comes to the realization of what she let out, and covers her mouth. "y/n no– look–"

"Who told you about the ring?" your jaw is locked and you're trying not to lose focus. "How could you tell them about the ring?!"

"How could you not tell ME?! I'm your fucking best friend, you bitch!" she's raising her voice again, her surprise pushed aside because you're still fighting. "I had to find out through Aidan, months later."

The Cannes party. Of course.

You thought about asking her about it. Telling her it hurt you that she hung out so happily with Aidan when he was the reason you arrived at her house one night in February, frightened, sad, and confused. But you didn't because you trusted her. You would have trusted Victoria with your life at some point.

"It really is you, then," tears are streaming down your face again.

You feel stupid because only yesterday, in another rage-scroll through Twitter, you noticed people were already making theories about how it was Victoria who was selling information about you. And you felt so offended, how could they think your best friend would do that to you?

"How could you, Victoria? How could you make all that shit up?"

You talked to Victoria about the articles. You cried and told her you were sorry you didn’t let her in on the failed proposal, it was something you were still processing and couldn’t bring yourself to talk about, still wondering if it had been a mistake every now and then. You told her how sorry you felt to Charles because he just wanted to hang out with you—to be friends with you—and people marked him down as a home wrecker when he had nothing to do with it.

“It was definitely Mia though, wasn’t it?” She said as she rubbed your back and passed the box of tissues to you. “She always hated you, so weird. It was like she loved Aidan in a fucked up way.” Victoria even shuddered exaggeratedly, trying to make you laugh.

“Yeah I’m sure it was Mia, Aidan just won’t admit it.” You let her wipe your tears and smooth your hair down. Nobody could convince you that your ex-sister-in-law didn’t run to People and spewed shit. It was the most logical conclusion that Aidan was protecting his little sister.

This had been three days ago, she lied and made fun of you, to your face.

"So now I'm a liar? You are fucking Charles Leclerc! Or what, you expect me to believe all you do is hold hands and peck each other's cheeks?"

Again with Charles, it infuriates you.

"You told the press I'm a cheater! And I am NOT with Charles, God you're so stupid!"

"How would I know whether it's true or not? You never tell me anything anymore, do you? You don't care about me! I'm your best friend. I deserve to be your priority!"

"You deserve to rot in hell, you lying bitch." you don't even raise your voice anymore, "How could I ever love you?"

Victoria laughs, and your heart finally shatters. "I would do it again, y/n, because it's what you forced me to do."

The apartment is a mess, and you know it's on purpose. Your clothes are everywhere, the dirt from the plants you kept on the balcony is all over the floor, the coffee table is broken and your room looks like a hurricane passed through. Your coffee maker and your Specialty coffee both lie on the floor of the kitchen, and there is a horrible smell coming from the fridge. Aidan hasn't been gone long enough for things to rot to that extent, especially because every appliance is plugged in.

You don't want to look at the rest of the house, or your belongings. All you do is lean down to pick up your Moka pot, and make time to think, but you're unable to stand straight again. It's like the pain is pulling you down. How did your life become this?

A ruined apartment, a rejected engagement and a backstabbing best friend are things that happen in the movies. You would know. This wasn't supposed to happen to you.

Crying in that ruined kitchen, holding a Moka pot like it's your greatest treasure and not some piece of trash that you will never be able to use anymore, you get angry, furious. Because this is not your life and it was never supposed to be. And it's about time you start doing something about it.

You are sick of running. Of having people question you for not 'defending' yourself when you have no reason to be attacked in the first place. Relationships die, and yours had been past its time to be buried. Saying no is not a crime. And it never will be.

Victoria had burned her own thread with you in the worst way possible because you didn't make her the only person in your life. And you had overlooked every time you felt used by her, unloved, and tossed aside. Friends can break your heart too, and Victoria had ripped yours out of your chest.

Nobody has to tell you who you are, because you know. And you are nothing of what you've let tabloids, netizens and reporters say. You cannot keep running and you cannot keep hiding, and though you wish you had understood that earlier. It's never too late to pick yourself up.

Mildred and Walter are going to be pissed, but their advice was that you remained lowkey for however long it took Hollywood to get their next big scandal. Weeks, months, years.

And you're not about to scurry away into darkness like a rat.

FROM “JUST WATCH THIS” POSTED IN Y/N Y/LN'S YOUTUBE CHANNEL POSTED JUNE 12TH

[y/n,minute 01:30]: ❝...So I've finally decided to come here and tell you everything that has been happening for the past months. It's the truth, but whether you believe it is a personal choice.❞

[y/n,minute 05:56]: ❝It was a three-year dead-end relationship. You cannot, and should not, have a future with someone who laughs at your dreams, and tells you how you should behave and how to look to exalt him.❞

[y/n, minute 07:15]: ❝I said no. And I have not regret it for one second. I didn't tell anyone because I respect Aidan, although I don't think that is reciprocal by now.❞

[y/n, minute 10:01]: ❝I never cheated on him, and I know the source of those rumors. It breaks my heart to know that someone I trusted made up stuff about myself, and a part of my life that was so important to me. I am not telling you who it was, however, I will take legal action against them if the defamation continues.❞

[y/n, minute 14:54]: ❝Aidan decided to tell this person about our failed engagement, and I do not know if his intention was that this all became public. But I wish he'd been mature enough to handle it privately, like the adults we both are.❞

[y/n, minute 16:59]: ❝I started attending Formula 1 races because of an Ambassador contract I held with Elix until three days ago, when they decided to rescind it.❞

[y/n, minute 18:07]: ❝That's where I met both Charles Leclerc and Carlos Sainz, back in April. Since they are the drivers for Ferrari, we spent a lot of time in the same place, which led to us becoming friends.❞

[y/n, minute 19:04]: ❝Charles Leclerc is my friend and we are not romantically involved, I urge you to stop making stuff up about him too. He never messed with my past relationship, we did not know each other.❞

[y/n, minute 21:55]: ❝When all of this started, I believed—naively— that it could just die down on its own. I am an actress. I was not only 'Aidan Kim's girlfiend' and I am not only his ex-girlfriend now. I am y/n y/ln.❞

[y/n, minute 23:31]: ❝I should have spoken sooner. I should have shut everything down the moment I started feel miserable and out of control. But I also know, I was being crucified so badly because I am a woman.❞

[y/n, minute 26:00]: ❝You have made me feel miserable and anxious, I have suffered from panic attacks and sleepless nights. And I'm not saying this to make you all feel bad and regretful, because the one thing you lack the most is empathy.❞

[y/n, minute 28:45]: ❝But I want you all to think that, if it had been the other way around and Aidan hadn't wanted to marry me, you would have said 'he wasn't ready' and you would have let him move on and find "The One" in peace.❞

[y/n, minute 31:35]: ❝If it was Timothee Chalamet—whom I also have a deep appreciation for—doing RomComs and nothing more, you would call it 'his specialty' and never question his talent.❞

[y/n, minute 33:17]: ❝If I was a man, this wouldn't have killed my reputation.❞

[y/n, minute 36:21]: ❝I will not remain quiet anymore while you step on me and diminish my work. I do not owe anything to Aidan Kim except for the drama the past months have brought me.❞

[y/n, minute 38:11]: ❝I'm going to focus on the future. And I am well aware this will be continue to be a topic of conversation, but I am not scared anymore. Because I know who I am and who I can count on.❞

[y/n, minute 40:12]: ❝If it weren't for my fans, who have been fighting my battles so hard, I wouldn't be here either. They're here for me, and I can never repay such pure love.❞

[y/n, minute 42:22]: ❝If you watched up to here, I'm sure you're wondering whether you should believe all of this, and like I said, it's all up to you❞

[y/n, minute 44:50]: ❝I will not be speaking about Aidan Kim again, so I ask you to refrain from asking about him. It's all been said and done, and I'm eager to move on.❞

[END]

You are looking at the all the comments.

aidanbabes WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BITCH EVEN ON

flowerbedkim Oh so now Aidan forced her to be with him? Bullshit. You are never saving your lying ass y/n, fuck you!!!!!

thatbitch123 You are absolutely right y/n if you were a man this wouldn’t have happened it's so sad

ynbabes2 my queen i waited for you to speak for so long!!! WE HAVE TO MOVE ON FROM THIS

leclercstar you all have made this girl's life absolute hell, i hope you never find peace!! I'm glad she's friends with Charles and Carlos.

presleyvibes wait and you thank people but not Vic who let you stay at her house? you're an ungrateful bitch

albstappen I saw her pic with Lily Muni and I just knew she was one of the good ones

ynmybeloved EVERY TONGUE THAT RISES AGAINST YN SHALL FALL

kim41d4an IT'S YOUR WORD AGAINST AIDAN'S YOU CHEATING WHORE

June 12th, SoHo, New York.

You are trying to clean the mess around you as best you can. And although you could call someone to help you, sweeping and scrubbing keeps you busy and distracted. The first message you received after posting the video was from Mati a 'proud of you xx, tell me all about it later please!' text that made you take your first deep breath of the afternoon. You made an appointment with a doctor first thing in the morning, you want the panic to go away, you need it to.

Thoughts of how they're destroying you again, calling you a liar and a whore, swarm your brain and you try to toss them in the trash along with your ruined Dolce & Gabbana coat, mysteriously cut up with scissors. You told the truth, and not even the whole of it.

The video is being shown everywhere, you're sure you'll see it tomorrow in Good Morning America where they'll dissect every single move you make and every word that comes out of your mouth.

It's almost 9 pm when you finally stop wiping the apartment down, trying to get rid of every sign that Aidan Kim was ever inside it. It's not true that he paid for the apartment, you picked it yourself and made it a home and then he chose to come and live here, paying the rent once every three to five months. This is your home and you are reclaiming it.

Your phone rings and you take another deep breath before picking it up. Mildred and Walter have resorted to communicate with you through email, so you wonder who it is. Victoria called a few times during the weekend, left voicemails and text messages until you blocked her. Each of them with a new excuse and a more creative way to pin all of what she had done, on you.

It's a FaceTime call from Charles.

"Charlie!" you greet with a smile, before the image of him loads completely. "It's 3 am in Monaco, what the hell are you doing awake?"

Charles shrugs and you notice his bare shoulders, he's shirtless. You're suddenly self-conscious about the way you look. With your hair sticking up from the sweat, your greasy face and ragged shirt. It's a silly worry.

"I wanted to talk to you," he says, and you know he's tired. "I saw your video earlier, but I was doing something else."

"Oh, you saw that."

"I'm proud of you y/n, you are brave for speaking your mind like that. I know it must have taken some effort." Charles moves again and you see his chest, he's already in bed.

"Charles, go to sleep, we can talk about this later," you chuckle, heat is rising to your face.

"I wanted to see you y/n, it doesn't matter what time it is. And I really wanted to tell you I'm glad you posted that video."

"Thank you, Charlie. I should have done it sooner."

"The only one who knows what timing is right for you, is yourself."

"Yeah, I guess so." you sigh, you're exhausted too and you blame it more on the rollercoaster of emotions you've been through than deep cleaning your apartment.

"Are you tired?" he asks, suppressing a yawn.

"No more than you," you retort, but can't help yawning as well. It's a scientific fact that yawns are contagious. "Go to sleep, we can talk tomorrow."

You talked yesterday too, and the day before, and you cried so much on the phone again you thought he would eventually hang up until you calmed down. But Charles soothed you through the phone at 1 am Monaco time and told you to let it all out, and listened without interrupting you once how you called Aidan and Victoria every name in the book.

"Fine," Charles says, rubbing his left eye carelessly. "Will you give me a tour of your apartment tomorrow, then?"

"Yes! I finished cleaning it today!"

Charles laughs softly at your excitement. “We’ll talk tomorrow then, just because you need to sleep.”

“Sure I am the sleepy one,” you roll your eyes and Charles smiles, both dimples showing. “Goodnight Charlie, sweet dreams.” The last part you say it in a slightly mocking tone but Charles doesn’t take it as such, smile widening.

“Goodnight soleil,” he says and waits a few seconds for you to react to your newly given nickname before hanging up, anxious but satisfied.

─── team principal radio: ❝thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter and are liking the story so far. We're slowly getting to the y/n redemption. Once again, i really appreciate all of your interactions they mean the world to me. Also check out the series playlist if you haven't♡❞

✰ paddock club members: @sassyheroneckgiant @flowerchild-96 @fangirlika @shegotboreddsoo @roseamongthorns13 @cissyp @chimchimjiminie16 @saturnsrinqs @roni-midnights @gayyvodka6 @studioreader @its-ash-not-grey @lu-morningstar @ferraribabe @reidsworld @feelslikestrawberries @celestialams @kosmosgalore @heeseung-baby @missenclod @buendiabebeta @mycenterfold @aces-tattooartist @burningrred @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @rainybabe25 @ru-kru @lazybot @teenagedreams-cl @cool-ultra-nerd @kuskumu @formulakay3 @bisexual-desi @somanyfandomsbruh @icarus-nex @haziefairy @xjval @xoxoloverb @sainzleclercs @headinthecloudssblog @incoherenciass @bookophiliac @torrie421 @nooshytushie @azxulaa @steephanie07 @anonymous8462 @tbisloneely @pukklv @bn7921 @be-your-coffee-pot @fdl305 @lovely-blackinnon @landonorizzz @ruleroftheuniverse @ivegotparticulartaste

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[ironworked]

60 Sec Rec: In The Flesh

"Four years after the Rising, the government starts to rehabilitate the Undead for reentry into society, including teenager Kieren Walker, who returns to his small Lancashire village to face a hostile reception as well as his own demons." [imdb]

First things first, I have to warn you that it was cancelled after just 2 seasons (9 episodes) on a bit of a cliffhanger/'oh I need to know more' moment. Believe me, I'm sorry. But it's still so worth watching! I'm far from the only one waiting for a revival, still, 10 years after it ended.

In The Flesh isn't about the rise of the undead, or about a post-apocalyptic future. It's a story that picks up after a treatment (not cure) has been found and is being put into use. The afflicted must follow said treatment, wear contact lenses and apply heavy make-up, all to pretend they are the same as they were while they're very, veeeery discreetly re-introduced into society and their old life. But... it's not that simple. Society has changed, and so have their families. The new normal that tries so hard to look like the old one... isn't. In very dangerous ways.

The show kinda does with zombies (sorry, 'Partially Deceased') what Buffy did with vampires and Gen V does with superpowers, but it's... harsher maybe, less glossy, and comments on different subjects like homophobia and xenophobia. Could have been a disaster, but I think they did very well.

The setting is so good, and the actors feel like real people. You'll really feel for Kieren and get invested in all his relationships and struggles trying to save what he can of his old life and build a new one. Can't say much more because it's all spoilers, just check it out!

Created by Dominic Mitchell. Written by Mitchell, Arthur T. Manderley (Polseres vermelles), Fintan Ryan (The Aliens, Hustle), and John Jackson (Grantchester, Being Human). Directed by Johnny Campbell (Doctor Who, Shameless), Jim O'Hanlon (Emma, Coronation Street), Damon Thomas (Killing Eve, Penny Dreadful), and Alice Troughton (Merlin). Starring Luke Newberry, Harriet Cains, Marie Critchley, Steve Cooper, Emmett J Scanlan, Emily Bevan, Stephen Thompson,...

Previous: Deadloch - Dead Boy Detectives - The Tick - This Close - Kung Fu - Nancy Drew - Kevin Can Fuck Himself - Silo - The Flight Attendant - Severance - Hacks - Hit The Floor - Black Sails - 12 Monkeys - T@gged - The Diplomat - The Mick - Timeless - UnReal - Kings - All Rise - Barry - Halt and Catch Fire - Resident Alien - Santa Clarita Diet - Claws - Roswell New Mexico - Upload - Rutherford Falls - The Expanse - Interview With The Vampire

[svsssbrainworms]

🍃 SVSSS fic rec list

yippeeeeeee!!! (shen yuan / bingqiu -centric edition) 1/3

[ truth serum/fix it; canon compliant/post canon; shen yuan transmigrates into someone else; disciple shen yuan/child shen yuan ]

truth serum / fix it

• right from the start, I gave you my heart

"Bro, you know how many words I wrote per day, and how many plants I created!” Shang Qinghua whines. "I can't remember them all, it's impossible." Shen Qingqiu narrows his eyes. "It was used with Wife #418.” "That doesn't narrow it down any further. I'm not going to be able to guess it, so stop punishing me and just tell me how the flower nerfed you." Shen Qingqiu grits his teeth. Obviously he wants to draw this out to punish Shang Qinghua, but it kinda looks more like he's punishing himself. There's a muscle flexing in his jaw, and if he puts any more pressure on his fan's guard, it's going to snap. Uh, actually, Shen Qingqiu kind of looks like he's in pain— “A false dragonhead is also called an obedient plant. It’s in the name—the flower forces you to do whatever you're told," Shen Qingqiu spits out.  or: Shen Qingqiu runs afoul of one of Airplane's stupid wife-plot devices...just before a mission to Jinlan City.

• save your tears (for another day) 

In which the SYSTEM provided Shen Qingqiu a way to distract Luo Binghe during their reunion in the Jinlan City Arc: And then he felt it, a hot and stinging sensation in his eyes.  Something warm and wet trailed down his cheek.His vision blurred and he hurriedly tried blinking it away. Shen Qingqiu quickly wiped his face before anyone could see. He stared at the wet trail in his hand in horror and betrayal. What the fuck, SYSTEM?! Too late, Luo Binghe already saw it, judging by the sharp intake of breath and everyone going silent around him.

• What Is Seen

…is not [always] the real truth. Truth-compelling artifacts in the hands of an enemy to one side, SYSTEM-mandated silence on the other, and Shen Qingqiu caught between the two. Is it too late to go back to the Water Prison?

canon compliant / post-canon

• That's NOT A REAL TROPE you Hack Author!

So. It turns out that Shang Qinghua was taking commissions on the side to write fanfiction of his own novel. Truly, his shamelessness knows no bounds, ect., ect., what else is new?! The problem is, now the System has found those stories, and shoved them in the middle of Shen Qingqiu's Happy Ever After! It can't be too bad, though, right? It's not like Airplane-bro wasn't already abusing every trope known to man! Only... What trope is this supposed to be??? "Great Master" Airplane, bro, why are all these tropes wrong??? Did you... Did you seriously scam people out of their money without knowing what their requests meant?! - A story of tropes where all the tropes are wrong.

• Imposter Syndrome 

"Don't make any hasty moves!" Shen Qingqiu said, keeping one hand lightly on the wrist of the Liu Qingge closest to him. Which -- he thought this was the same one that he'd been following down the stairs, whose hand he had taken in the dark, but he couldn't be sure. Which was, of course, exactly the point and the problem. "I know what this is." "You recognize this?" gulped one of the Shang Qinghuas. There were five of them, all trying to sidle into corners or otherwise get out of the line of sight, but this one looked correct to Shen Qingqiu. He turned towards the author-turned transmigrator. "Yes, and I'm sure you will too with a little prompting," he said, glaring at Shang Qinghua. "We're dealing with doppelgangers."

• Something White, Green, and Embarassed All Over

Shen Yuan knew the system was being too kind by giving him a perfectly good body to suddenly live in, he knew there had to be some other drawback. Of course he still had to deal with (the more minor) symptoms from his previous life! What kind of Peak Lord gets nosebleeds, system!?

• Treading Well-Worn Paths

After Shen Qingqiu married Luo Binghe, Yue Qingyuan thought his role in the man’s life was over.  However, as he carried the child-sized lord of Qing Jing Peak in his arms, he was grateful for this unexpected opportunity to bond with the person he cherished most. Shen Yuan, meanwhile, wondered desperately where the hell he was.

shen yuan transmigrates into someone else

• Tarnished Gold

Becoming emperor of the cultivation world will start with a first step as small and basic as becoming Head Disciple of Huan Hua Palace. For that, he must steal the position away from the current Head Disciple. Luo Binghe will sabotage, upstage, and completely and utterly best him. The road to destroying everything and everyone who has ever wronged him, to becoming the highest ruler so that no one will ever have the right to control him ever again - it will start as simply as ruining Gongyi Xiao’s life. Compared to everything else he’s already done, this should be easy. - Luo Binghe brings all his skills of cunning and brutality to bear on Gongyi Xiao, Head Disciple of Huan Hua Palace Sect. It… doesn’t go too well for him.

•  Locked and Loaded

 [THIS SYSTEM IS SORRY FOR USER’S DISSATISFACTION WITH HIS ASSIGNED ROLE, BUT IT IS THE BEST CHOICE IF THE GOAL IS TO CHANGE THE NOVEL FOR THE BETTER! AS AN APOLOGY GIFT FOR THIS AND THE DELAY ON LOADING USER INTO HIS ASSIGNED ROLE, THIS SYSTEM CAN GRANT 1(one) SPECIAL ITEM OF USER’S CHOOSING!] ‘... So I can wish for anything?' [USER ヽ(；▽；)ノ! YES, 1(one) SPECIAL ITEM OF USER 'S CHOOSING!]  ‘Then, I wish for a gun.’ [ ...【・ヘ・?】] Or Shen Yuan finally gets the gun that he always deserved.

• Midnight Blooms Peerless Flowers

Shen Yuan is transmigrated into Shen Jiu’s Shizun.

disciple shen yuan ✒️ / child shen yuan 🐥

✒️🐥 • Shen Yuan's School for Unrepentant Assholes

Shen Yuan has been dealt a rough hand at the beginning of his life. Then he gets sort of adopted by Shen Qingqiu, who desperately needs someone to help smooth out his interpersonal relationships. Thankfully, Shen Yuan is awesome at understanding people and what they want! Shen Qingqiu can't decide if he regrets claiming this chaos gremlin as his own or not, but now that Shen Yuan is here, he's never letting him go. He'll have to be pried out of Shen Qingqiu's cold, dead fingers first. Meanwhile, Luo Binghe is just caught up in the wake of both of them and trying not to be dragged under. (Or, a drama of errors with comedic moments, exploring the growing relationship between an unforgiving misanthrope with serious issues and a traumatized kid that just wants to teach him what family means (and maybe learn it, himself))

✒️ • Shen Yuan of No Relation

There is a boy digging a hole.  There should be nothing special about him. He is one of many children digging holes, each and every one eager to get a spot on Cang Qiong Mountain. At a distance, there was black hair and shabby clothes.  Yue Qingyuan could not look away from him. - In a world where they are the same age, Shen Yuan is going to try his very best to become the best friend of his favorite protagonist and prevent the blackening of Luo Binghe! Only, there is a problem. Shen Yuan looks way too much like the scum villain himself, Shen Qingqiu.

✒️ • raised by winter winds

Shen Yuan has had a push-and-pull relationship with Shen Qingqiu for years. Shen Yuan knows that Shen Qingqiu is meant to be a villain, but he knows just as well that many of the things Shen Qingqiu was accused of in Proud Immortal Demon Way were just shitty misunderstandings, and over the years Shen Yuan has become reluctantly fond of his Shizun. Abusing Luo Binghe was not a misunderstanding, though, and Shen Yuan will do whatever he can to correct the fact that he wasn't there to protect Luo Binghe when it happened. -- “Shizun, I already said that I like beasts best - if I can’t raise Luo Binghe to be my shidi, can’t I raise him as my pet instead?”

✒️ • Heart Made of Strings

Shen Yuan was apparently, an average disciple. According to Ning Yingying and some older Shimei’s, everyone had been baffled when Shizun had made him a personal disciple. He was good enough to be an inner disciple but not the best by a long shot, and Shizun only took The Best. He didn’t get into any of the infighting senior disciples normally did for their Shizun’s favor because according to Ning Yingying “Shizun thinks Shen-Shixiong is a lazy brat, and Shixiong doesn’t care what anyone thinks ‘cause he’s always trying to get off the mountain to go hunt monsters like he’s some Bai Zhan Brute.” She had then assured Luo Binghe that he’d love Shen Yuan. Luo Binghe has a sinking feeling in his chest that perhaps, this is the most accurate thing his Shijie has ever said to him.

🐥 • you're not coming home?

Shen Yuan works in the kitchens of Qing Jing Peak. It's not the best, but it's also not the worst. He just wants to lay low and get the hell out when Luo Binghe shows up. Shen Qingqiu has other ideas.

🐥✒️ • Like Real People Do

Waking up in that trash omegaverse novel is the last thing Shen Yuan ever wanted. In fact, if you’d have asked the twenty year old to make a list of his top ten nightmare scenarios this would have been in the top three. As far as he figures he has one way and one way only to survive this before Luo Binghe kills everyone; Run as fast and far as he can and pray to the heavens that the plot never interferes with him! And if that doesn’t work, he can always pledge his loyalty to the future demonic emperor and beg for his forgiveness. (Although Luo Binghe isn’t particularly inclined towards forgiveness towards men.) . . . He needs to get away from Cang Qiong as fast as possible.

✒️🐥 • The Twelfth Flight

Shen Yuan dies and wakes up in the body of a young dragon. He resolves to not deal with that, per Shen Yuan standard and is promptly adopted by the twelve flights of the Cang Qiong Mountain range. There he meets a grumpy but reliable Shen Jiu, and is consistently baffled at how Liu Qingge remains living and breathing. Or; Shen Yuan gains too many uncles and somehow trips his way into emotional maturity.

[covetyou]

low hanging fruit

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist ⋆ series masterlist

pairing: Dieter Bravo & gn!reader rating: Explicit (18+ only!) warnings: cock and balls and assholes (Dieter's), brief mention of waxing male genitalia, the word "perineum", allusion to past relations between Dieter and PA. word count: 1.9k summary: Dieter Bravo really wants a smoothie. What you want is for Dieter Bravo to put some fucking clothes on.

A/N: you have some thots and shenanigans in @dieterbravobrainrotclub to thank for this one. I cannot remember who first mentioned the assless chaps but here it is lads. here it is. (edit: I am reliably informed it was @bitchwitch1981 I hope you're proud of me bb)

Not for the first time in your employment for Dieter Bravo, you choke on your coffee, spitting the hot liquid down your chin as you round the corner into his kitchen.

"Dee!"

But, for once, he's not actually doing anything unusual. What he's doing is perfectly normal. Dieter Bravo is hinged at the waist, bending low with his head buried in a kitchen cabinet as he reaches for some old gadget he stashed there too long ago to really care about it. Normal.

No. This time, what Dieter is wearing is the thing that has you beating at your chest as you hack and cough up the droplets of coffee you inhaled in your shock.

He's topless - no surprises there - his tan, freckled shoulders shifting as he reaches and tries to balance himself with a hand pressing all his weight into the counter top.

His legs are covered in denim - a little unusual for a man who prefers a cool breeze running through his leg hair at all times, but not in any way shocking. Except, they're not pants. Not normal pants. Why would they be, this is Dieter fucking Bravo.

They're assless chaps.

And he's wearing nothing underneath.

The sight of Dieter Bravo's bare cock and balls dangling between his legs was the very first sight you took of him, mid-morning on a fucking Tuesday, and it damn near sent you into cardiac arrest. And he's shameless about it too, bending low, squatting a little with his legs as he rummages around, showing you absolutely everything he has to offer and not batting a single eye at the fact that you're stood there, right behind him, seeing it all.

Once the burn and rasp of liquid in your esophagus has eased off, you can finally take a few clear breaths. Ignoring the stain on your shirt - scalding coffee now rapidly cooling as it seeps further and further into the fibers of the formerly white fabric - you place what's left of your coffee down on the counter, slapping the mail you had tucked under your arm next to it, and hold on with both hands. What the fuck.

"Dieter, what the fuck."

"Oh, hey sweet cheeks," he shouts back to you, dangling his head between his legs so you have to look beyond the sway of his cock and balls to make eye contact with him. "You've got something on your shirt."

If not for the assless chaps, and the persistent view of Dieter Bravo's perineum, you would be rolling your eyes and stalking off to continue your day, letting him know you'd be throwing your shirt in with his dry cleaning for him to foot the bill as you turned your back on him. But you don't. You're dumb struck and speechless, stood stock still as you stare and repeat the same few words you've already said.

"What... the fuck?"

"I did put that smoothie thing in here, didn't I?" he asks in return, sticking his head back into the cabinet, and squatting even lower. The blood in your body has gone to your face. You can feel the heat of it as it floods your cheeks and rushes through your ears. You can feel it elsewhere too, superheating your body from inside out, burning you up as something stirs between your legs and in the pit of your stomach that you'd rather ignore. You try to tell yourself you've seen it all before, because you have. You've seen every inch of Dieter Bravo in a million different situations, most of which you wish you'd never seen at all, and some you wish you could see again, and again, and again...

Still, all you can do is stare at him. The curve of his spine and the soft globes of his ass cheeks framed by dark denim that climbs up his hips. That soft smattering of hair down his crack and across his balls, hair that you know he once had waxed off because you'd found him crying on the deck afterwards and he had shown you right there out in the sun.

"Have you seen it?"

You've certainly seen some things, you think. You're looking at something right now.

"Seen what..." you mumble, mustering the strength to tear your eyes away from him just as he rises with a groan, resting his hands on the belt at his hips with a frown. The last thing you want is to get caught staring - it'd do nothing but add to the ever growing list of things he'd never let you live down.

"The fucking smoothie thing."

"You have a blender, Dee. It does the same thing."

"It does?"

Pushing your thumbs into your eyes until sparks bloom behind you lids doesn't even make the image of him go away, bent over or stood upright as he is right now, so you release with a sigh and let your vision sparkle back to life.

"Yes. Now, what the fuck, Dee?"

"Fine, I'm an idiot, a blender can do the same shit as the smoothie thing I-"

"No, I mean what the fuck are you wearing?"

He stops, brain rebooting, flapping hands stopping midair and the frown falling from his face, before his eyes positively illuminate and he grins wolfishly at you.

"Do you like them?" he says looking down at himself. His cock is still out, hanging limply between his legs, the waistband around his waist and the fabric covering his legs doing nothing to give him any kind of modesty. In fact, it's doing the opposite, functioning more as a picture frame to highlight the appendage than to cover anything. "Took them from that movie I shot back in September, you remember that western? Found them again this morning."

"That's great, Dee, but I really don't think you're meant to wear them like tha-"

Dieter pads toward you, his feet soft on the kitchen tile, his usual socks and crocs combo ignored for the day, likely with the excitement of finding his new favorite item of clothing.

"It's like I'm covered, but free, y'know?" he explains, wafting his hands around again as if it'll churn the thoughts in the air for you to latch on and understand a little easier. And you do understand. Sort of. You love nothing more than lounging around in your apartment in nothing but your underwear - there is not joy greater than taking off shoes that pinch, or pants that are too tight after a big meal, or -

"And I can just see and touch my dick whenever I want. Do you know how amazing it is to use the bathroom like this?"

There he is. There's the Dieter Bravo you know and love - though you'd never tell him that. Sometimes one to think with his dick, but most often one to think of his dick.

"Dieter, that sounds great, I'm really happy for you, but -"

"Oh, wait!" he says again, before zipping back around to the cabinet and bending into a another low crouch. "Where is it..."

"Dee," you say, deadpan and monotonous as he rifles through the cabinet again. Whether Dieter chooses not to hear you, or he can't hear you over the chaotic whirl of his thoughts, you're not quite sure, but it doesn't matter because he bounces into a crouch your mind short circuits again. And when he raises his ass back in the air, you curse his new found love of yoga and his increased flexibility.

You don't know whether to laugh or throw yourself onto the floor with the spilled coffee, but when he clears his throat, head still in the cabinet, you swear it fucking winks at you and you can't handle it any more.

"Dieter, I can see your asshole."

Still bent over, Dieter stills. Of course, his asshole, cock, and balls are still bare for you to see, but at least now he's stopped waving the fucking things around. And then he's rising, twisting to look at you with a curious look on his face as if he's picking his next words very carefully. If years in Dieter Bravo's service has taught you anything, it's that you divert and distract him in these moments before he can jump to the strangest of conclusions.

"Just tell me the housekeeper hasn't seen your asshole too, Dee."

"Which one?"

"Dieter!"

"They were gone before I even got down here -"

"Dieter, you have to promise me right now that you won't wear those around the housekeeper. Or the gardener. Any of them. And if you do, you better be wearing underwear-"

"Why would I wear underwear with these -"

"You promise me. I'm serious, Dee, you don't need an indecent exposure or sexual harassment lawsuit on your hands. I don't need that on my hands."

You try to keep eye contact with him - something neither you or he particularly liked, but focusing on his face and his fluffy head of hair was the only thing keeping your eyes from wandering down to the perfectly framed picture of his dick. It's a battle of wills now. You know this, and so does Dieter. It's the reason why you'd manage to last so long as his assistant where others had failed. Dieter Bravo was a stubborn and persistent man, but you had him beat on both fronts. You occasionally gave in, to keep him sweet, but mostly you lived with him being grumpy with you until he moved on or you did something so incredible that he didn't care any more.

"Dieter..." you say once more, and you can see the cogs in his brain slowly click through until everything slots into place.

"Fine. I promise."

Letting out the breath you didn't know you were holding, you try to hold your gaze steady, and up, anywhere but down his bare chest - his fucking bare chest - to undoubtedly linger too long between his legs. You hope he doesn't see when you swallow thickly, muttering good with a small nod just as you pick up his mail and what's left of your coffee. If you turn quick enough you can probably get away with not seeing his dick again today.

"What about you," he calls to you just as you're about to make your maneuver. "Do I need to cover up in front of you? If I do that's not fair, you're here all the time, and you've seen it all before, you've even -"

"No." Fuck.

The word is out of your mouth before you even really think. It was a compulsion; your hind brain activating in a moment of desperation and giving you what you really wanted, and you could kick yourself. This is definitely going on the list, you just know it. Along with the ripped pants incident, that time you got far too drunk and ended up leaving a party with the model Dieter had his eye on all night, and whatever was going on with you two before you decided to - well. It was all on this list, and now it was going to be joined by this.

"No?"

"No, you don't need to cover up in front of me."

"Really? Amazing."

He's grinning. You don't even need to look at him to know he's grinning. You can hear the delight in his voice, borderline laughter in his chest as he scrubs a hand across his belly. You can't look anymore. You shouldn't look any more. "I'm gonna go sort this out."

"Because I know how much you like looking at my -"

"Shut up, Dieter."

And so it begins. Dieter bbs: @secretelephanttattoo @sp00kymulderr @schnarfer @freelancearsonist @fhatbhabie @chronically-ghosted

[hackerqueen]

Shameless

warnings: sexual content, jealousy

a/n: it's short JakexMC fic, hope you will like it (some mirror stuff) ;)

He was aware of what kind of woman the MC was.

Namely, he was painfully aware that she acted on others like a magnet. Her unearthly beauty was complemented by her angelic character, charisma and sense of humor. She was a woman that men lusted after. She was the dream that everyone tormented by nightmares prayed for. So he couldn't help the constant inner irritation he had been feeling for the past few days during which he was with her and the group at the cabin in the woods. Everyone said that the search for Hannah would be more effective this way, and the young hack had to agree with displeasure. However, his ability to focus seemed to disappear with the MC, who seemed to have totally drive him insane.

They didn't have much time to enjoy each other's company as they tried to give their best to save his sister as soon as possible. They fell in love with each other at the worst time possible. But he couldn't help the secret glances directed in her direction. Nor could he hold back his irritation when he saw how often she joked with Dan, and her laughter echoed loudly in his ears. He couldn't contain his irritation when the MC showed up at the police station and several officers tried to flirt with her. And there was nothing he could do as he sat in the car with an earpiece in his ear, listening to their embarrassing pick-up lines and her answering.

However, his patience ran out the moment they found themselves in Aurora one evening to talk to Phil. How much he felt like breaking his nose with his fist when he saw his sassy smile and the words falling out of his mouth that were designed to seduce the MC. She, on the other hand, smiled and even tried to play his game - responding with half-words that could spark the boys' imagination. However, when MC sent him a blurry look then moved toward the bathroom, his legs steered him toward her on their own.

He followed her into the bathroom, which was meant for staff but there was no one inside so he locked the door. The brunette turned toward him and put her arms on her chest.

– Can you explain why you are looking at him as if you want his head to explode? – she asked, however, by the tone of her voice he understood that she was not angry

Although he didn't think about it, the image of his brain on the wall made him feel better.

– I already told you I don't like him.

She sent him a doubtful look.

– You are jealous.

– No. – he snapped out far too quickly than he would have liked – I'm not jealous, I'm being reasonable.

– I already told you not to worry about him. You don't trust me?

– It's not you I don't trust. – he rolled his eyes – He's almost undressing you with his eyes.

– He looks at literally every creature that has hips and tits like that! – she said louder, feeling the blood that filled her veins begin to boil – Understand that this relationship is purely friendly.

– You're naive if you think he just wants to be your friend. – he snapped out before he could bite his tongue – It seems that his flirting doesn't particularly bother you.

She clenched her jaw and sent him a degenerate look. Her pupils were enlarged and he also noticed that she was tense. She came close enough to him that there was no more than a few centimeters between them.

– And you didn't get the idea that I'm pretending to be nice and foolish just to make him trust me more? Just admit that you are jealous. And I remind you that I am not your property!

At this point he grabbed her firmly by the waist and turned her so that her back touched his chest. They were standing in front of a large mirror, hung over the sink, so they had a perfect view of both of them.

It was their first more physical contact, which caused the two of them to have quickened breaths and heartbeats and that constricting fire in their lower abdomens that they desperately wanted to extinguish.

As he gently pushed her hair aside with one hand to expose her neck, the MC arched her back, pressing her ass against his crotch, which made his blood heat up even more. He tilted his head and, still looking into the mirror searching for her eyes, placed a wet but still fine and tender kiss under her ear.

– My smart girl. – he muttered directly into her ear, and his voice was hoarse with lust

And that name made her completely wet and quietly moan.

It had been so long since they had both felt physical pleasure that they had completely forgotten how aphrodisiac it was.

Hearing her quiet, enticing moan, he couldn't control himself any longer and he wove his hand back into the back of her head firmly pulling her hair, tilting her back.

– You like it when I'm possessive, don't you? – he asked and she incapable of words, merely nodded. She gasped louder when she felt the cool fingers of his other hand on her exposed cleavage, followed by those on her hip and thigh. – Is it good when I touch you here? Or maybe here?

– Please don't stop. – she blushed with shame as in such a short time the hacker had her in a position begging him for more. She had never wanted someone more than him.

His lips once again attacked her neck with brutal and powerful kisses that drew sweet moans from her lips and quiet grunts from his throat due to his sizable erection, which she felt perfectly. She felt him sucking on her skin creating a red marking to show everyone that she was his. His hungry hands squeezed her boobs, making her nipples harden. When he reached her sensitive spot near her ear and his fingers roamed her thighs, she closed her eyes and threw her head back, resting it against his shoulder.

– Spread your legs. – he said, but it sounded more like a command, which she gladly obeyed

Then his long fingers pushed her lacy underwear aside and the hacker moaned, feeling how wet she was. She felt him begin to massage her clit in circular motions which made her see stars under her eyelids.

– Watch yourself in the mirror, MC. Watch me while I touch you.

She groaned loudly, knowing that if anyone was standing at the door despite the loud music they would know what was going on inside the restroom. She opened her eyes encountering Jake's focused gaze in the pane of the mirror. He was watching her, devouring every last inch of her skin. He studied her body, touching her in an absolutely shameless way. He inserted his middle finger into her, feeling how instantly her muscles tightened on him. How much he craved to feel it on his cock, her wetness and tightness. However, he also didn't want their first time to take place in Aurora's cramped bathroom.

Feeling her impending orgasm, he curled his finger inside her, seeking her spot, and sped up the circles on her clit.

She came with a cry, his name leaving her swollen lips. Her eyes never left the mirror, and neither did his. She felt embarrassed by how quickly he managed to bring her to orgasm.

– My clever girl. You make me so proud.

And his praise when he adjusted her underwear and dress or when he kissed her neck one more time made her beg him for more.

And no one in the group was particularly surprised when the two announced that MC was feeling unwell and Jake would drive her back to the cabin to rest and enjoy the quiet until the others return.