#Shame on you assholes
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shame on you everyone who voted reform, who voted Tory.
#Only two members of my household are British born. We all have ethnic names.#My parents and siblings have already been racially targetted#Shame on you assholes
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katsuki hides his face in your neck when he gets embarrassed. thatās it send tweet.
#and not even like cutely too hes a fucking NUISANCE#like heāll literally shove his head in there making full contact w ur chin too#And he does not care if you whine about it heāll just grumble and squeeze you so u cant get away#and if hes feelin like an asshole (which is all the time) heāll bite you#youāll pay for making him feel this shame#Its all your fault he feels like this anyway so..š¤·š¾āāļø#hes just gettin his lick back#stupid dumb idiot#random katsuki thing on yr foreheads#i lub him smuch#bakugou katsuki x reader#katsuki bakugou x reader#bakugo fluff#bakugou imagine#bakugou x reader#katsuki x reader#bakugou katsuki#katsuki bakugo x reader#bakugou katuski x reader#bakugou fluff#bakugo katsuki x reader
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Hey, if you have speech impediments, you are so amazing.
If you stutter or have a lisp or misspeak easily or you have a flat affect or a limited verbal vocabulary or if your voice is AAC or if you just have a difference in your vocality, you are so incredibly important and amazing.
Just know that your voice is yours. Nobody will ever be able to truly take it away. Your voice is part of you, and you deserve to make it as true to you as you deem fit. I hope you have the space to grow with your voice and whatever about it makes it unique.
#positivity#disability positivity#partially because so much of voical differences arise from disability#i've developed a really annoying lisp-ish issue#and it's hard to be positive about it because it makes me feel like i'll be treated as lesser because it's a 'childish' affect#but i literally can't help it unless i spend 110% of my focus on it. and i don't have that amount of energy#but it makes me think about others and especially those who have it more intensely than i do#and i just want to uplift everybody because vocal differences are neutral at worst#man my dad always tells a story about this coworker he had who had a stutter like you wouldn't believe...#...and he was fucking BRUTALIZED for it... 'c-c-c-c-CAN YOU GET TO THE POINT?!' is how people would talk to him...#...and obviously that made his stutter twice as fucking worse and i can't imagine the shame and humiliation that followed...#...i hope he learned that those assholes were a fucking waste of time and that he doesn't have to deal with that...#...like i'm sorry but there is no fucking need to be that sadistic toward somebody who is obviously already anxious and worried
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Know of any Radioapple fics where Lucifer starts out as the jerk/dick in the relationship?
Unfortunately, I donāt have any radioapple fics where Lucifer starts out as the jerk š which is a huge fucking shame.
I did recently go through the Hazbin tag on AO3 and saved a TON of fics that caught my eye, so maybe one of those will have it. Iāll keep you posted šš
Not to self-promote but my radioapple series āJust Kiss Alreadyā kind of starts out with Lucifer being a jerk in the beginning. Itās intermingled with him slowly developing feelings for Alastor and feeling obligated to help him for helping Charlie, but his bitchy side REALLY shows itself in the fourth installment āChaggieās Totally Legitimate Dating 101 Crash Course.ā
I enjoy Lucifer and Alastor being mean to each other, but part of Luciferās character arc is going to focus on his aversion to sinners and how he thinks of them (in light of his growing feels gs to Alastor, a sinner who definitely earned his place in Hell) so heās still going to have a lot jerky moments.
#āit really is a shame there arenāt any fics with Lucifer starting out as the jerky one#there might one out there!#but I have yet to stumble across it#itās just a fun avenue to explore#I mean#COME ON#this is the guy who signed off on the Exterminations#he signed off on a yearly genocide of his subjects#he has not hidden his aversion or discomfort around sinners#and you canāt tell me if magically went away after one song#PLEASE I NEED MORE FICS OF LUCIFER BEING A BITCH ASS JERK#I NEED A FIC WHERE HE GETS CONSQUENCES FOR HIS ACTIONS#but noooo#itās usually Alastor whoās the jerk#and everyone likes Lucifer because heās cute and awkward š#I like cute and awkward Lucifer just fine#but if heās not an asshole at LEAST once#siiiiigh#itās such a missed opportunity#asks#anon#anonymous#hazbin hotel#hazbin alastor#lucifer morningstar#appleradio#radioapple#hazbin hotel lucifer
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So I played through some more dbh last night and woke up thinking, God, there is a good reason Markus and Kara, and their respective companions never got as popular as Connor and Hank. Literally The Bridge is surrounded by the most *do everything for absolutely no reason* chapters, and there's no comparison.
First the Kara chapter wastes your time, she barely gets any small talk in with Luther, then the car breaks down, then you're just doing tiny tasks, doing a shitty sum up of her story so far when Alice asks you to make one up- they could have done something interesting with that story but they chose not to, literally anything specific anything that would function as a parallel to their journey would have actually had some value. Then you barely start a conversation with Luther, where are you maybe get a hint of his personality before we're back to just talking about the plot and Alice, but then it's over again and you meet the Jerries and you learn almost nothing about them.
It is a chapter where you do nothing interesting, and you learn almost nothing about the main characters, for a downtime chapter, I expect character development and get barely a sneeze of it. There is so much room and so much time for you to really push and question your main characters but it just doesn't get used.
Honestly I think the protagonists all could have probably really benefited from the audience getting to hear their internal monologues if they weren't actually going to talk to their companion characters, but even that would just be a substitute for decent writing.
Either way, after that, we come back to Connor and Hank, who do almost no tasks in this chapter, *but spend the entire time TALKING.* They talk to each other in a constant volley back and forth for the entire length of the chapter and it's probably one of the best chapters in the game, it's certainly one of the most important in their story. You spend the entire bridge scene learning more about Hank and Connor's inner worlds, and how they think, and how they feel, you spend the whole chapter learning so much about their perspectives, this chapter is all about asking the hard questions about both of their individual characters, and the tension is high, it's a straightforward chapter to play, and it really fucking feels like your choices matter here, there will be immediate consequences, not just walking through your environment trying to find the right answer, or being dragged through an interaction. It's just plain good.
And then Markus infiltrates the Stratford Tower, and you get the most boring and useless and frustrating chapter in the game that doesn't seem to serve any purpose beyond looking cool. If Kara's last chapter was only to gain sympathy and create some soft and fuzzy feelings, this chapter is only about looking cinematic. This is probably my least favorite chapter in the game, honestly I've just gotten lost on that yellow ass office floor building too many times, even though I'm very familiar with the game now I still managed to get lost again last night.
I will admit that eventually it does become an opportunity to decide between pacifism and violence but that seems to be the only real development for Markus, and it wouldn't have been hard to make that kind of opportunity in another setting. Because we get next to nothing watching him get past the front desk, or from walking around that floor, just some outfit changes and pretending to be a machine and a little more Android hate in the background, Markus is almost completely silent yet again, there is almost no talking with North once she appears. We actually get more about North's personality here than Markus', she just feels like she has more lines somehow, because sometimes she just talks without it being connected to the plot and Markus never does.
This bit is more speculative, but my fiance and I were going off last night about whyyyy did they have to break into the tower? We're never given any reason for what the steps are and why they are important, just usually pretty important in these mission impossible type scenes, they're usually explaining in a voice-over why they are taking the steps that they are taking. But we get no explanation for why he needs to go to the 47th floor or whatever, No explanation for why he needs to change into a maintenance Android uniform, why North was in the stairwell, how Josh and Simon got in, it's all just handwaved, and whyyyyyy they couldn't have just?? Made a recording and then hacked the station's broadcast remotely and basically just posted the speech? I don't know, it's just a particularly frustrating chapter to play, personally, but it isn't strong.
Either way, you've got two chapters with next to no character development, that just have a lot of empty space and time where the characters could have been talking or could have been doing something else, but didn't because the vibes were more important, sandwiching a simple scene with ten pounds of character development and it just feels weird. And once I noticed it, it just made the Kara and Markus chapters look incredibly weak and poorly written... And conversely, make the Connor and Hank chapter look much, much stronger in comparison.
It's like Detroit become human almost needs it's own type of Bechdel Test, just to show how much they fail Markus and Kara. "Do they talk about something that isn't the plot?"
"Do Kara and Luther talk about something that isn't Alice or getting to Canada?" "Does Markus talk about anything besides his speech for this chapter?" "Does Alice talk at all beyond basic communication with Kara?" "Does Markus or his buddies talk about anything that's not the revolution or just Markus himself?"
... They don't pass a lot.
It's just hard to take these characters above simply *likeable* when they just, don't, ever, talk. There's little to no development for Markus or Kara, and because they've just become deviants, there's hardly any character establishment in the first place, they barely even get the chance to just be flat, because if they don't really know who they are, we don't really know who they are.
Connor and Hank's friendship is more functionally the main plot, more so than the deviant investigation, and for Markus and the team, and Kara with Alice, that's simply just not the case, there is hardly any relationship, they're just in the same boat. This is why Connor got astronomically more popular, and why he and Hank have the staying power that they do.
Markus and Kara just don't ever talk, and Connor does. And I'm fucking mad about it. The amount of time that was just wasted in their stories, I could probably take a damn stopwatch to all the moments where there could have been a little something-something, and nothing was put there. It's not to say Connor doesn't get some quiet moments too but he always gets the chance to make up for it.
Even at the beginning of the Stratford Tower chapter, I noticed that they could have had Simon and North talking about something maybe unrelated when Markus walks up, but there's nothing, only silence until Markus comes in with a plan. And of course we know about every time Luther tries to bring up the fact that Alice is an android, only to be shut down and walked away from. It fucking kills me how much time Mark is has the focus of the camera but it's only so he could look cool for a minute, and share no thoughts of his own, none of his new feelings, everything is only implied and then followed by the action where he is only allowed to be the leader of the revolution and never just Markus. There's a tragedy in that, but they could have driven it home harder by *pointing that out.*
#dean talks to himself#detroit becomeĀ human#dbh connor#markus dbh#Kara dbh#and it's not like i don't know there's racism and sexism in fandom and in production. obviously Connor is a white man. i didn't forget#and there's the insanity that happened with GR and creating all that personality for an asshole with four appearances throughout the game#which makes you wonder why didn't the fandom do the same for Markus and Kara bc wtf#But honestly the logic kind of tracks. GR showed so much personality and he has the benefit of being human so we can more easily extrapolat#we know what humans tend to do with their time and what they act like and we barely get to see any androids actually doing the whole#becoming human thing.#I've tried building them up in my head but I'll admit it's kind of hard. they're more blank slate than sandbox#GR is a human and Hank's foil and that's easy to extrapolate on. 900 is Connor but Better and that's easy to extrapolate on#i think we somehow see too much and not enough of Markus and Kara and it has us pressing the brake and the gas at the same time#just trying to figure them out around these points. it's like a damn maze and a lot of speculation that doesn't have anything to grab onto#it's just a damn crying fucking shame because there was so much time to spend on them and it just doesn't get spent on them#anyway rant over hope you didn't hate it
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(Me, telling @wretchedamaranth about the mosquito bites I got from cleaning my balcony -> remembering how in Passing Time by @fleet-off Vegas got jealous of the fucking sun touching Pete's face -> "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if Vegas got jealous of mosquitoes leaving their mark on Pete's skin?")
"What the fuck are those?"
Pete snorts. "I got bored and drew red dots on my torso."
Pete expects Vegas to scoff, maybe throw an ironic remark back at him, but instead, he frowns. He touches Pete's sweaty skin, stretching it with his fingers. The area expands, bright red spreading, the mosquito bite almost but not quite disappearing for a brief moment, only to appear again when Vegas lets go.
Pete finds Vegas' jealousy nonsensical most days, but sometimes it's amusing. Like today; they're laying in bed, their bodies glued together. Staring at the ceiling, at each other, letting the heat linger, ignoring the discomfort.
It doesn't matter. Vegas has no reason to feel threatened by a mere insect using Pete's body for its needs.
Vegas clearly disagrees. He keeps playing with Pete's skin, poking at the bites with his nails, and Pete starts to get ticklish.
"If you keep touching them, they're going to get itchy."
Vegas stops. He looks at Pete, his expression unreadable. It doesn't help Pete get prepared for it; Vegas puts his lips around the red spot, and bites.
Pete yelps and then laughs as Vegas is sucking on the skin, his teeth gently digging into it. He licks it too, then moves to the next one. He keeps at it until he's gone through all of them.
"Mine," Pete hears him murmur under his breath, lost in his own thoughts as he's staring at his work. "Mine."
A different kind of heat spreads through Pete. It makes him realize, as Vegas finally looks at him with his hunger now evident and sharp, that he isn't thinking about mosquitoes anymore.
#they're sooooo weird your honor ā¤ļø#not exactly how I'd wanted to write this but I just let my blorbos speak for themselves#shame Vegas now Pete will feel soooo itchy you inconsiderate asshole š¤#he'll fuck him so well he'll forget about it it's ok#Vegas you weirdo ā¤ļø#Pete you even bigger weirdo ā¤ļø#vegaspete#yu is writing
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well anyways. here's trophy
#i want to pick him up by his leg and beat him against the wall#can you be normal and likable for once you little asshole!!!! (somewhat affectionate)#PR already in the garbage and he does this.. for shame#k talks#trophy ii#inanimate insanity#ii s2e16 spoilers#iis2e16#šshow#š
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I am not finishing this because im fucking lazy so take this now too okay!!!
Alts and the like under here + One amputee iggy stump (???) warning IDK1!!!11!
#hetalia#hetalia america#hetalia england#alfred f jones#arthur kirkland#myart#zombie au#tw nosebleed#cw nosebleed#tw amputee#cw amputation#amputee#amputation#nothing in my head man i just think abt my damn zombie au all day#francis is the other person in the arthur amputee image but i figure its not important enough to tag.#just know its fruk. implicitly :)))#arthur needing to rely on francis but fucking hating it the whole time and being pissy#total asshole behaviour followed by downturned eyes and shameful apology because he cant do anything#frequently getting sick and yelling at francis between bouts of vomiting liek dont touch me!!!! type stuff#before needing to go back on that and ask francis for help#shame.... his pride is deeply bruised!!! funny.#i like to think when ame and cana come along hes like an annoying doting mom#but like. on her period. like shes a bitch about it. but in the end she cares and just wants them to stay alive#because otherwise shell probably have to kill francis (solitude fucks her up)#ame protesting like you dont fucking know me!!! and storms off. cana apologises for his attitude#absentmindedly. but his eyes are fixed on ame in the distance and he quickly waves to follow him and talk#ive had that idea in my head for a bit. ame emotional outbursts. idk if ill ever draw it but meh#why do i write this all in the tags which no one reads at all???#idk.#hashtag funny
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if you canāt respect writers who are providing you w fanfics free of cost then you donāt get any rights to shit on them either.
#literally have some shame#hiding behind that anon tag wont get you anywhere you asshole#leave my moots alone#or any writers for that matter#they donāt need your shit ass opinions
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āLmao why are you fictionkin are you insane. Imagine thinking youāre a character irl whatās wrong with youā have you considered I can do whatever I want
#lemon man talks#Have you considered I didnāt choose to be fictionkin also#Not my fault! Hope that helps#And also thereās nothing wrong with it + itās harmless + not your problem + Iām mentally ill + shut up#People try not to shame others for their identity impossible challenge#This is why I have so much trouble accepting myself and feel embarrassed about being things I donāt have control over#I would be crucified if my irl friends knew Iām fictionkin#I would be bullied to death dude#They accuse each other of being therian as a bullying thing like. Um Iām not therian but I donāt think thatās funny#Just a thought! Donāt shame people for their identity#All of those things youāre calling cringe and shaming are harmless and youāre being an asshole
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stop calling people's triggers stupid. I don't care if someone is triggered by a fucking cloud with a smiley face, you do not get to determine whether or not to respect someone's triggers just because YOU find it silly. fuck off.
#it's just ableism. you are being ableist if you shame someone for having ANY trigger.#you know what I do when someone has a 'silly' trigger? I fucking respect it because I'm not an asshole. it's that easy#ableism#mental health#triggers#trauma#mental wellness#mental health advocate#mentally ill#traumatized
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Nah bro something about some elain Stans complaining they weren't aware of elain Day and instead of creating content for her they choose to bitch about it.
On the other hand some stans ( me included ) picked up their creativity and created art, poems, fics, Moodboards and Playlists inspite of the majority of us not being informed of the event.
If you ever needed proof on who her real stans are here you go.
#also just to clarify im not saying not participating is wrong#its the Hipocrasy that gets me#you guys screamed that we should have our own week and etc#when we expressed that we were uncomfortable with censorship and bias#but when we do decided to go through with it#suddenly you have a problem#pls pick a fucking lane#and yall dont get to shame other stans for creating content for her#we wanted to so we did#also it doesnt take a lot to create a moodboard or anything really#i saw someome bitching about how they didnt have time to ācommissionā#sweetie if you had even a bone of creativity in you you couldve created anything for the character#sad fact is you choose to be an asshole and invade spaces and then bitch about why people dont like you#immaturity at its peak#dont bash people for creating when you cant do it#pro elain archeron#pro elain#elain deserves better#elain day#im sorry i had to get it out
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Let me just uh, set some hard fucking boundaries with some of you people in regards to MY relationship.
Do not keep questioning my choices on MY relationship.
First of all, you're not in this relationship. Let me mess up and find out, if worse comes to worst. Let me fuck around and find out. I'm not going to blame you for not warning me, don't worry. Seriously. So stop questioning me.
Don't keep asking me, "Why don't you label things with him? I think it's bullshit that there are no labels. What's the POINT of this relationship if you're not labelled as such and such? You're just wasting your time. Stop that. It's weird. This doesn't seem right to me. Why call it exclusive if there's no labels?"
Let me fucking date how I want, damn. Let me be in a goddamn relationship how I want, without me needing to explain myself to you. You, who I don't even know. You, who's not even a mere acquaintance of mine. Even my friends aren't questioning me, so who are YOU to question me when you know virtually NOTHING about our relationship?
Why are YOU, as someone who doesn't know the full fucking picture, trying to enforce your rigid little rules onto ME? If you like labels and only commit strictly with someone once those labels are established, good for you! Do you!
But don't go on the internet, read the stuff someone shares (which doesn't paint the whole picture, mind you, because I'm not sharing my whole goddamn life biography on here) and then go running into their inbox and yell at them for their choices, or because their choices differs from yours. Don't do that because you don't KNOW them. Don't act like you know everything from the small details you've read. Yes, I share things on here, but only things I'm comfortable sharing. Surface level shit, basically.
What you think is normal isn't always someone else's normal. Please remember that.
The way some of you act in my inbox... It's embarrassing at best and disgustingly rude and kind of intrusive and also insulting at worst. And because you've got the anon feature on, you think you can just say anything. (That's a whole other rant I've been wanting to get off my chest. I've got a few drafts I've never posted that are from months ago lmfao).
Now, to tone down the aggressiveness for a fraction of as second, I get you care about me and it's probably coming from a good place, but I am TWENTY. THREE.
Let me remind you.
TWENTY THREE.
Not three.
Not thirteen.
TWENTY. FUCKING. THREE.
I can make my own decisions. I am a legal adult, probably moreso than some of you out here coming into my inbox and full on trying to start an interrogation with me like I did something wrong for wanting to do things MY way for MY relationship.
And SLIGHTING me for my choices is where I'm setting the hard boundary at.
DO NOT, and I repeat:
DO NOT...
...under any circumstances, come into my inbox and act like I'm a dumb fucking bitch. (I am a dumb fucking bitch, but I'm also a self aware dumb fucking bitch. There's a difference.)
I know what I'm doing, I know the consequences, I know what I'm in for. I'm not fucking stupid and naive. I'm not a 13 year old about to start her first relationship with her high school crush.
So stop treating me like a donkey, and stop questioning my choices. Remember, as harsh as this sounds, some of you need to hear this and REALISE this: You've got no place in my life to do that. Absolutely fucking none.
Learn to read the room and learn that there are lines that shouldn't be crossed.
OH, I need to add this here. Before some of you come into my inbox and ask me WHY I'm sharing shit if I'm not open to opinions on my choices... There's a difference between opinions and civil discussions, and crossing someone's boundaries and questioning their choices because you think YOUR way of doing things is the right way to do things.
Just because I share some stuff on here doesn't mean that warrants you an automatic pass to shit on my choices. Fuck that bullshit, because that's just shitty behaviour and you need to look inwards and realise you're doing a lot more harm than good by being a piece of shit to someone you essentially do not know.
Remember, if you won't say this shit to someone in real life while looking them in the eyes, then don't fucking say it on anon in some stranger's inbox. That's a dick move, and you're a prick if you do that. Fix yourself, for the sake of humanity.
That is all.
#long post#i've had had it up to here with some of you ngl#boundaries need to be set#long rant about some people in my inbox#rant#vent#i'm not adding a read more because i need some of you guys to read this whole thing#esp those anons sliding into my inbox and bitching about#don't go into my inbox and dress yourself up as anonymous so you can shit on my choices#i fucking hate that and i can tell you right off the bat if you do that#i do not want to be associated with the likes of you#i'm about to shame anyone who comes into my inbox after this and acts like assholes lmao#idc bc you deserve it if you read this and still continue to bitch about
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uhhh so you know those birds with arms memes? yeah. sorry. featuring the mug from @homosekularnost's mug saga (because art deserves it).
#yeah i am just out here murderbot shitposting at this point#listen. it was funny in my head.#i just think ART deserves to have middle fingers okay?#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#asshole research transport#šæ#that last one is like. you know those pet-shaming photos? that#i was going to make way more but then i realized that maybe. this is enough.#i do have like 8 different versions of the one with the sign#because i am normal#:)
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Hi, I sent an ask like 5 minutes ago but I'm not sure if it went through for certain reasons so if it did just ignore that,
I love your fic so much. One of my favourite things is the authors note, I love hearing your rambles and thought processes behind certain scenes,
And JEEšš
The jee lovers in the fandom are small but dedicated, I love that man.
Any situation of an older man reluctantly and unknowingly adopting a child they hate and growing soft for them I love, I could ramble on for hours about certain headcanons I have regarding jee and zuko for hours, I need more of them (AND HIM AND BATO (please don't kill them i need AT LEAST 1 queer couple to be happy in this ficšš))
Also another thing, I do fanart and I really want to do art for this fic but I have no idea which scene to do, is there any specific ones you would want art of?
HI HI HI HI HIIII!!
I didnāt get your five minute ago ask but I got this one!! ahhhhhh my shameful authors notes haha I am very unhinged in there, I think I black out and rub my face in the keyboard honestly.
JEE LOVERS UNITED WE STAND!!!! I adore his dislike of both zuko & sokka in the beginning and now heās falling hard for sokkas uncle and has pretty much said if anything happens to these kids Iāll burn this bitch to the ground. Unfortunately, Jees situation is going to get a bit more complicated he just doesnāt realize it yet haha.
THERE IS A HAPPY QUEER COUPLE! *gestures at liab zuko* I mean theyāre happy likeā¦. some of the time haha. Ok ok I see your point but no promises because you know when I start blowing shit up in liab I can get a little crazy :D mwahahaha.
FAN ART FOR ME?!1?27,771!37/&/ YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE ME FERAL!!! ahhhhh honestly idk how to pick scenes im so bad at it i dont know what to choose but if you did wanna draw any scenes maybe any from ITF? Your fave or ones scenes you liked idk thatās my suggestion lol.
thanks for this amazing ask youāre a beautiful human thank you!
#Iām excited to unleash next chapter haha#I changed a few details and it shifted the plot to match more of the vibe I want#Wasnāt sure how to pull it off but lying in bed one night I was like LE GASP I GOT IT!! & ran to my notebook and wrote it down#Yes I keep a note book by my bed#and forty cups of water what about it??#Anywayyyy this was such a fun ask and I honestly think we could fill a decent sized bus for the Jee fan club#Heās got lots of fans but I think some like him in certain situations others donāt so the fan hood isnāt jee united#Which is fine different strokes for different folks#But I love writing grumpy Jee haha and him next to hostile sokka and glaring growling zuko was fun#Now zukka is smiling and laughing and things are going along so swimmingly#HOPE NOTHING BAD HAPPENS#THAT WOULD BE A SHAME#;);););;)#:D#im sorry Iām such an asshole I canāt help it#Your ask made me smile thanks for sending it#& if you pick a scene to draw Iāll stare at it forever I promise#I canāt wait!!! But no pressure because itās about having fun lol#Ok thanks again sorry for being so wild#Dixongravesart#leaving it all behind#liab#itf#ask
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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