#Sento Oniisan

[saintsarefake]

Peter: Hey, messiah! Messiah! Meeeesssiiiiaaaah!

Jesus, fed up with Peter's shit: FLUORINE URANIUM CARBON POTASSIUM OFF.

Peter:

Mary: YESHUA HASIEL CHRIST-

[pleuvoire]

i like in the clown episode of build when the little kids called sento and banjou ojisans and banjou was mumbling all offended “ojisan janai... oniisan darou” and the subs translated it as “we’re not old dudes. we’re, like, young dudes.” which i think is a good translation and also so inexplicably funny to me. they’re, like, young dudes

[saintsarefake]

Michael vs Lucifer in literally everything else:

Michael vs Lucifer in SYM:

[saintsarefake]

Buddha: Jesus, wake up.

Jesus: Five more minutes.

Buddha: You've been unconscious for 3 whole days.

Jesus:

Jesus: Okay, two more minutes.

[saintsarefake]

Buddha: Are you alright there, Jesus?

Jesus, tearing into a pineapple: SPONGEBOB, I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!

[saintsarefake]

Jesus: So, I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

Buddha: Jesus nO THAT'S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES.

Jesus: FLOOR IT?

Buddha: JESUS NO.

Jesus: HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND?

Buddha: JESUS YOU ARE GOING TO BURN OUR APARTMENT DOWN.

Jesus: I'M GOING TO HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE THESE COOKIES.

Buddha: JESUS P L E A S E.

[saintsarefake]

Mary: Only virgins spell words correctly.

Maya: But you didn't misspell a single word in that sentense?

Mary: Listen, I didn't come here to get disrespected.

[saintsarefake]

Buddha, lying face down on the floor 99% done with everything: I am a piece of garbage.

Jesus: As someone who cares deeply about the environment, I am obligated to pick you up. Is seven okay?

Buddha:

Jesus:

Buddha:

Buddha: You smooth fucker.

[saintsarefake]

Jesus: What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave and her name was Mozzarella?

Buddha:

Buddha: Don't ever talk to me again.

[saintsarefake]

Jesus: Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me as I lay sick and festering. You are the definition of dread.

Buddha:

Buddha: Are you okay?

Jesus: A cat stole my fucking garlic bread.

[saintsarefake]

Jesus: It's weird how Americans say "elevator" instead of "lift".

Buddha: And how my father says "I wish you weren't my son" instead of "I love you".

[saintsarefake]

Jesus: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!

Lucifer, sobbing: PLEASE just say 'fuck'!

[saintsarefake]

Jesus: WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT DINOSAURS SOUND LIKE. THEY COULD HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN FLUENT GERMAN FOR ALL WE KNOW.

Buddha: Jesus, it's too early for this shit-

Jesus: GUTEN MORGEN HERR PTERODACTYL.

[saintsarefake]

Judas: Day 8 of Quarantine, and I can confirm that there is-

Peter: *to the tune of the Final Countdown* IT'S THE MENTAL BREAKDOWN.

Andrew: *off key kazoo intensifies*

Judas: No intelligent life left.

[saintsarefake]

Kidnapper: We have your son.

Jesus: I don't have a son.

Kidnapper: Then who keeps complaining that they're going to miss their hair appointment if we don't hurry up?

Jesus: *gasps*

Jesus: They have John.

[saintsarefake]

Lucifer: So, who broke it? I'm not mad, I just want to know.

Judas: I did. I broke it.

Lucifer: No, no you didn't. Jack?

Jack: Don't look at me, look at Beelzebub.

Beelzebub: What? I didn't break it.

Jack: Huh, that's weird, then how did you know it was broken?

Beelzebub: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Jack: Suspicious...

Beelzebub: No! It's not!

Yama: If it matters, probably not... but Devadatta was the last one to use it.

Devadatta: Liar I don't even drink that shit!

Yama: Oh, really? Then what were you doing at the coffee cart earlier?

Devadatta: I use the wind stirrers to push back my cuticles everyone knows that, Yama!

Judas: Alright, let's not fight. I broke it let me pay for it, Lucifer.

Lucifer: No. Who broke it?

Beelzebub: Luci, Mara has been awfully quiet-

Mara: OH REALLY.

Beelzebub: YES REALLY.

*Ten minutes later*

Lucifer: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict in the next ten minutes from now, they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their face and a pig head on a stick.

Lucifer: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.