#See if this still holds up as my favourite entry from that year

[loveinhawkins]

“Still super jealous as hell by the way,” Eddie says; Steve laughs, elbows him in the chest—disguising a want to touch by shoving him away.

There’s a brief flash of warmth against his skin before Eddie teeters back.

He stays close though, dances in and out of Steve’s space as they walk, almost close enough to…

“D’you know what’s adding an extra layer of, uh…” Eddie clicks his fingers then says with relish, “Of batshit insanity to everything?”

“No,” Steve says, and he feels a smile growing; he couldn’t fight it even if he tried. He doesn’t want to. “But I’m sure you’re gonna tell me.”

“My, uh. One of my favourite games as a kid was… uh well, it didn’t really have a name, it was more—”

“No jump rope for you?” Steve asks in mock surprise.

Eddie snorts. “Nah, nothing as normal as that, Harrington, honestly. Kid me was a visionary.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” Steve says.

The words hover in the space between teasing and genuine; he means both, of course.

“At, um. When I was at my dad’s.”

Eddie’s smile flickers, and Steve tries to fill in the gaps: has vague memories of middle school halfway through one year, of murmured interest, you seen the new kid? He just moved here.

“Our place backed onto some woods, and I’d just… kinda wander.”

Eddie scoffs—his foot makes an aborted motion as he walks, like he’d gone to absentmindedly kick a twig and thought better of it.

Better safe than sorry, Steve thinks. Hive mind and all that.

“So your favourite game was wandering?” he prompts when Eddie goes quiet.

A tease again. Softer. Really means you can tell me. I want to know.

He wonders if Eddie can hear it.

“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds shit. And it was more, like, active up in…” Eddie taps his temple. “I’d just… uh. Pretend the woods were haunted, stuff like that.”

“Oh,” Steve says, amusement growing. “So all this,” he gestures to the vines and trees, to the fog creeping along the forest floor, “is real immersive for you, then. Got it.”

“Um, no,” Eddie says, and his voice is going up into that wobbly tone that only comes from suppressing genuine, ugly laughter. “The stuff in my head was gothic, Harrington. It had class.”

“God, man, I’m sorry. Is the alternate dimension not living up to your expectations?”

“I’m gonna make a complaint.”

“Yeah, do it in writing. Make it professional.”

“To whom it may concern,” Eddie starts, all comically snooty.

Steve laughs.

And Eddie’s up close again, grinning, and Steve presses the side of his forearm up against his chest; the moment lingers, until Eddie moves back, until Steve drops his arm a fraction too late.

“I’ve found the experience provided—”

Steve snorts. “Experience?”

“—thoroughly lacking in both atmosphere and charm. I expect appropriate compensation as soon as possible.”

“Tell you what,” Steve says, “show me a picture of your haunted woods when we’re outta here. I wanna see how they compare.”

“Um,” Eddie says through the tail end of a chuckle. He sounds embarrassed. “I don’t have… My dad, uh, he wasn’t exactly the kinda guy to take a lot of pictures, y’know?”

And Steve doesn’t know—or at least, he thinks he doesn’t.

What he does know is that in the back of a cabinet there’s an old baby book: he can tell exactly when his grandma first began to get sick—and when everything else went to shit—because the milestone entries stop a third of the way through.

He doesn’t mention it. He can’t find the words, not here, not now—even if he could, he’s worried it’d sound a clumsy, weak comparison at best, self-centred at worst.

So he waits. Feels when the abrupt silence becomes less heavy.

“Did you, like, do speeches to yourself in the game, too?”

Eddie gives him a sideways, bemused look. “Maybe.”

Steve pretends to mull it over. Nods. “Yeah, figures.”

A pause.

“Uh, hold on,” Eddie says, chuckling again, like he’s been surprised into it. “You can’t just leave it there, man, you—”

“Nah, it’s just.” Steve smothers a grin. “Just fits you, that’s all. Like, you would’ve dramatically narrated your own birth if you could, I know it.”

Eddie laughs hard; he nearly drops his flashlight.

“You’re funny,” he says eventually, still smiling.

“Oh, sorry,” Steve quips back, “was I not supposed to be? Ruined your doctrine again?”

“No, just—” Eddie laughs again. Sighs. “Just timing, man. Wish I was finding out in a more, uh, low stakes kinda way. Like…”

His eyes go a little far-off, and for a second Steve can see that kid in him, the one who kept himself company in his own imagination.

“Like we’re just walking past the lockers, or something.”

“Yeah,” Steve says, with probably more feeling than it strictly calls for. “Anything beats these goddamn vines.”

He could add that there is no ideal timing, really: that if there’s one thing he’s learned throughout all this, it’s that there’s hardly ever time to dwell on things. It’s more do or die.

Besides, he thinks, you could wait all your life for a perfect moment, and it still passes you—

The earth trembles.

Eddie sways; Steve lunges to the side so Eddie falls backwards, away from a nearby vine. He tries to plant his feet, realises he’s inevitably going down, too, and course corrects.

Falls.

Feels the rise and fall of Eddie’s chest against his hand.

“M’definitely filing that complaint,” Eddie says breathlessly.

He turns so he’s facing Steve. Stays close.

They’ve both dropped their flashlights. The effect is dazzling—Eddie’s face is illuminated, eyes bright.

No atmosphere, my ass, Steve thinks.

“You okay?” he murmurs.

“Y-yeah,” Eddie says—gasps, really. Steve feels how his breathing shakes.

There’s barely a disguise now; they’re both leaning in.

And for a moment, they’re not here at all; they’re just at school, hiding by the lockers.

Then again…

Maybe it could only happen here.

Maybe wandering—maybe everything—has been leading up to this: the moment before a chance taken.

[thetriumphantpanda]

rainy days | frankie morales

Summary | It has never been your favourite day, but he always knows how to make it better.

Pairing | Frankie Morales x F!Reader

Word Count |

Warnings | Mentions of depression and sadness, negative feelings around birthdays, Frankie makes it all better, two idiots truly in love, allusions to smut but nothing explicit.

Authors Note | To my darling Jo, @undercoverpena - whilst this is my entry to your birthday celebration (I got the colour old rose, apologies for the tenuous link to brief you're about to read), it is also my love letter to you. To the woman you are. To the friend you have become. A love letter to the fact that you can be soft and emotional and have flaws and still be worthy of all the love in the world. Because you are. I have said it many times in recent days, but it is the truth, that I love you unconditionally and I am forever grateful for your friendship and love. I am here for you. I see you. I understand you. And I love you. Happy Birthday darling woman.

He knows it isn’t your favourite day of the year. One that is usually meant to bring joy and happiness and love is instead one that fills you with dread. Worried people would forget, having to force a smile at gifts that show that they really don’t know you at all.

He knows not to push it either. He’s good at that. Knowing the battles to pick and those to leave. You suppose that’s why you love him so much. The way he’s comfortable to sit in your hurt with you, not immediately jumping into fixing it, because it’s been years and you don’t think he could truly unravel everything behind the feelings. But he’s there, with a strong arm around you and a kiss to your forehead. It doesn’t need words, just his presence to say I’m here, I see you and I love you regardless.

It rains, because of course it does, weather to match mood, drowning out any hopes of the walk he’d promised. You distract yourself, cleaning mainly, even though the kitchen counters are spotless and the vacuum has been used more times in the past week than it has in the previous two years since you bought it. Distraction mainly, but now, with nothing to do, you sit. Listen to the fat raindrops and odd rumble of thunder. You reread the same four pages of your book, hopelessly trying to stop checking your phone for missed calls or messages of glad tidings.

The doorbell rings, startling you. Clad in a big jumper, leggings and socks, hair scraped back, you open the door, roar of rain rushing in, to find him standing there. Your man. Your Frankie. He’s soaked to the bone, t-shirt wet and cap dripping, but he’s smiling, both hands behind his back.

“You’ll catch your death, Morales,” you chastise lightly, moving aside for him to step into the warmth of your house, but he makes no effort to move, “Are you coming in?”

It almost makes you laugh when he starts talking, like a scene from the old romcoms you used to watch, but you let him do it anyway. His right hand moves first, a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a dusty rose colour, which he hands to you. They remind you of the paint swatches, the way he’d patiently waited at the store for you to pick it. And then painted eleven swatches on the living room wall until you settled on one. Old rose.

“Hermosa,” he breathes, “Feliz cumpleaños.”

He bends, warm lips to your cheek, finally stepping across the threshold into your home, the place he spends more time in than his own home, his other secret revealed in the shape of a basket, woven, with a telltale red and white gingham poking out.

“Damn the rain,” he says, “and damn this misery, I know we can’t have this outside, but I know you hate eating outside anyway.”

He holds the basket up to you, lets you open the top. It’s full to the brim with food, all of your favourite things from your favourite places you’ve been with him in the past year. Pastries from the coffee shop where you had your first date, fruit from the farmer’s market you visit each Sunday, sandwiches from the shop you always stop at when you visit him at work to make sure he’s eating - it’s all there, in black and white, the moments you’ve shared, tiny, edible pieces of his love and care for you, that’s he’s the first person to ever truly see you, to ever truly know you. It makes your eyes water and your nose sniffle.

You press up on tiptoes and gently slant your lips over his, trying to tell him without words how much this means, how much you truly do love him.

You spread a blanket on the floor, unpack the food and sit for hours, eating and talking and kissing, until it goes dark outside. It still rains as he clears up, lightening now illuminating the sky, it rains as he leads you upstairs and undressed you, and thunder cracks along with your gasps and moans when he buries himself inside you.

It eases late, after he’s woken you in the dead of night with his mouth fused to your cunt. Draped across his chest, silence, save for the two of your breathing, you realise that this is all you need. One man who will do the most for you. One man who will continue, day in and day out, that he truly loves you. Maybe it won’t fix the disdain for your birthday, maybe it won’t fix anything else, but it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that he found you and he loves you.

“Muchas gracias,” you whisper softly against his skin, “Te amo, mi amor.”

“Te amo, querida.”

[laurenairay]

don't forget, don't forget about me - J. Oleksiak

This is my entry for The Eras Tour Fic Challenge, organised by the wonderful @comphy-and-cozy and @wyattjohnston! My song was Superman - I enjoyed the challenge of writing it so I hope you all have a lot of fun reading it! Thank you Demi for being my sounding board to get me started on this. I’ve missed all the Big Rig love on my dash so this is my contribution to this beautiful man.

Summary: Elena Garcia relives the memories of the man who never loved her, Jamie Oleksiak.

Words: 3.3k

Warnings: unrequited love, oblivious Jamie, pining, some bad language.

I watch superman fly away, Come back, I’ll be with you someday, I’ll be right here on the ground, When you come back down.

~

2024

“Thanks, keep the change.”

The cashier smiled at Elena, nodding her thanks, and Elena smiled back tiredly as she wandered down the length of the counter to wait for her coffee. She ran a hand through her long dark waves, quickly moving that hand to cover her mouth as she yawned so widely her jaw clicked. Elena didn’t need to look in the reflection of the glass casing to know that her tanned skin wasn’t hiding the dark circles under her eyes and that she was in desperate need of a sheet mask to hydrate her dry face. The long hours she’d been pulling this week were what were making this early coffee run necessary, although hopefully once she’d gotten into the groove of things with her promotion, she’d be back to having regular 8 hours sleep a night.

Hopefully.

This coffee shop in downtown Dallas had become a staple for her over the 12 years she’d lived here, having moved for college when she was 18 and never leaving, and it held a lot of fond memories. A lot of stressful memories too, alongside bittersweet and embarrassing ones, but fond memories nonetheless. It was somewhere she’d studied, somewhere she’d always spent time with her best friends – who’d she’d also be meeting here for lunch later in the week – and somewhere she used to meet up with one of her favourite people.

Used to, being the operative word.

He no longer lived in Dallas. According to her friends, that was a good thing. After all this time, she supposed they were right. But that didn’t stop her hoping one day that she’d see him walk in once more, big smile on his face, and sweep her off her feet. It felt a little ridiculous after all this time, but Jamie Oleksiak still held a special place in her heart, even if she knew deep down that she would never have the same hold over him.

Still, a girl could hope.

There was a backlog in coffee orders this morning, making her glad she left the house early as she waited behind another three people for her coffee, and by the sound of the bell above the door chiming and the chatter sounding, even more people were about to join her.

She didn’t bother turning around fully at the sight of a tall broad-shouldered man out of the corner of her eye. It wasn’t him. It was never him.

“Elena?”

Oh. Oh.

~

I watch superman fly away, You've got a busy day today, Go save the world, I'll be around.

~

2014

“He’s not going to reply to you, querida,” Mila said.

Her friend’s sudden words broke Elena out of her thoughts, making her flinch slightly but tear her gaze away from her phone.

“What?” Elena said, confused.

“Jamie. Your giant tattooed neighbour. The one you’re crazy about who took 3 months to remember your name,” Mila said, rolling her eyes.

Elena swallowed heavily, mouth feeling dry. Was she really that obvious? No, she was exaggerating.

“He’s not that bad,” Elena said, shaking her head.

“He’s exactly that bad. Hockey players are awful. Especially hockey players who look as good as he does who know they look as good as he does. You know the bad reputation. And any guy who has you waiting by the phone like this is no good,” Mila shot back.

“Mila has a point, you know. I can’t remember any other guy who’s had you hooked on a string like this, especially when we’re meant to be studying,” Jessie said, smiling wryly.

She didn’t need to hear this. Nothing they would say would make her stop being friends with Jamie. Nothing they would say would stop her wanting him in her life. He was sweet, and kind, and his smile made her stomach fill with butterflies every time. Sure, she was just a 20-year-old architecture student, but that didn’t mean he ever made her feel lesser, not once. They’d only met 6 months ago when he’d moved into her apartment building after being called up from the Texas Stars for the first time, but she already knew he was one of the rare genuine good guys.

And yes, he was giant, tattooed, and extremely hot. Was that so bad?

“You’ve latched on to him and he doesn’t give you the time of day,” Mila added.

“That’s not true. We talk all the time, by text and in person. He’s literally my neighbour,” Elena frowned.

“How many of those conversations were initiated by him? Or is it always you?” Jessie said dryly.

Well.

No, that wasn’t the point.

And that wasn’t nice.

“That’s not fair,” Elena said quietly.

“I’m not trying to be mean, Elena. And neither is Mila. But he never makes time for you. I’m sure Jamie is a great guy, but he’s happy for you to trail around after him and you’re never a priority,” Jessie pointed out.

“Jamie is literally a professional hockey player – of course I’m not a priority,” Elena said simply.

“Elena, babygirl, come on,” Jessie groaned.

“He’s like superman, okay? He might fly away, but he always comes back down to the ground,” Elena said firmly.

“I wish I had your positive attitude,” Jessie sighed.

“More like delusion,” Mila snorted.

“Hey!” Elena pouted.

She knew he was out of her league but that didn’t change the way she felt about him. She didn’t want to change the way she felt about him. Jamie was special, and there was no-one else that could measure up to him. How could they?

“I don’t want you to get hurt, querida. But I don’t like my gut feeling here,” Mila said.

“Well until your gut feeling is proven, can you cut me some slack? Cut him some slack?” Elena pleaded.

Mila sighed but nodded, Jessie just smiling sadly.

“I will. But please be careful,” Mila said softly.

“I always am,” Elena said firmly.

She didn’t need to watch the way her friends glanced at each other in concern to know that her words weren’t true.

~

Something in his deep brown eyes has me sayin', He's not all bad like his reputation, And I can't hear one single word they say.

~

2017

“Fuck. Fuck,” Jamie said shakily, walking back out of her kitchen.

He’d excused himself from where they’d been watching a film on the sofa after dinner with wide eyes and a scared smile, and she didn’t like the way he was acting.

“What’s wrong?” Elena frowned.

“That was my agent. I’ve been traded.”

No.

No.

This couldn’t be true. This wasn’t fair.

“Where to?” she managed to choke out.

“Pittsburgh. They’ve booked me a ticket to fly out there tomorrow,”

No.

No.

“Tomorrow?”

Jamie just nodded, swallowing heavily. “They want me there. ASAP. That’s a good thing, right?”

As much as she didn’t want to reassure him, as much as she wanted him to stay, how could she deny him when he needed her support? Even it was only a couple of weeks before Christmas. No, his whole world had been shaken, she needed to be strong.

“Of course it is. They are lucky to have you,” she nodded, blinking away the tears that stung at her eyes.

“Fuck. I need to call my parents. My sister. And send the Stars chat a message. Fuck.”

She knew he wasn’t really talking to her at this point, just talking to himself, and it was all she could do not to let the grief of his impending departure consume her. Elena knew it was selfish to feel this way, but how could she not? Jamie wasn’t going to be here. Jamie was leaving, and leaving Dallas meant leaving her behind, and the moment that happened she knew she would become a distant memory. If a memory at all.

And that tore her heart into shreds.

“Don’t forget. Don’t forget about me,” she blurted.

She hated how her begging seemed to be the thing that made him crack a smile.

“How could I forget you, eh?” Jamie mused, “You’re the one that’s going to become a famous designer and jet set around the world.”

Architect. Not designer.

But that was okay.

How could he be expected to remember little details like that? Even if it was something that she had spoken about regularly for three years.

“Text messages are a thing. And you’re not that far away,” Elena said firmly.

“You got it,” he grinned, clearly still amused.

“Don’t meet some other friendly neighbour girl, hey?” she found herself adding, internally cringing the moment the words left her lips.

“There’s only one Elena Garcia,” Jamie said, shaking his head, “The best neighbour I could ever have.”

The best neighbour.

That’s all she was, she knew that.

Why couldn’t she be more?

“You’ve been a reasonably good neighbour yourself,” she said, trying to tease, the execution not its best.

His smile made her chest ache. She wouldn’t realise it was heartbreak for a long time.

“Do you want me to help you pack?” she offered.

The more time she could spend with him, now that she knew that time was limited, the better. Right?

“You already cooked me dinner, you don’t need to,” Jamie said, shrugging.

“I want to,” she said, shaking her head.

“Alright then. How can I say no to that?”

~

And I watch superman fly away, Come back, I'll be with you someday, I'll be right here on the ground, When you come back down.

~

2019

It took just over a year for Elena to see Jamie again. 14 months. December 2017 to January 2019. Not that she was counting. She was minding her own business, grocery shopping thanks to running out of milk and eggs, and she was reaching for a carton of orange juice when another hand reached out for the same bottle. Elena glanced to the person and let her eyes trail up the familiar body looming over her. No way. What the hell?

“Jamie?”

“Hey you!” he said, grinning.

What?

How could he be so nonchalant?

Elena took a moment to catch her breath, noticing his shopping cart. He wasn’t just visiting, was he? Had he really moved back to Dallas? He hadn’t let her know. Not that he needed to let her know – but they had been friends, right? Neighbours who hung out and texted before he left in 2017?

Why hadn’t he let her know he was back?

“I didn’t realise you were back in Dallas,” she said, smiling shakily.

“Ah yeah, I meant to text you. Got traded back, you know how last-minute these things can be,” Jamie said simply?

He meant to text her? Did that mean something?

Sure, she had been far away, but she never let him go.

And she knew he’d been in the city at least a few times since he was traded to Pittsburgh, but not once had he asked her to meet with him. Not once. And yes Elena could have texted him herself, but the potential rejection would’ve crushed her more than the indifference had crushed her, she could admit that much.

But now he was back?

“Yeah, of course. It’s nice to see you back here in Dallas,” Elena said as smoothly as she could.

Her mind was racing.

Jamie was back.

Jamie was back.

Jamie was back.

“Hopefully I can make it stick this time,” he said, the slight bitterness in his voice surprising her.

“I know you can,” she said firmly.

Jamie smiled down at her, the tension leaving his face just a little. “Well if I’ve got you in my corner, Elena, who else do I need, eh?”

In his corner? Was that all he saw?

She’d loved him from the very first day.

She missed him like it was the very first night.

“And don’t you forget it,” she joked back, trying to keep her voice light.

Jamie just laughed, shaking his head fondly, that familiar ache spreading through her chest.

“I’d better get going, I have practice soon. I’ll see you soon though? We’ll catch up over dinner?” he suggested, “You have the same number still, right?”

“Sounds good. Yeah, I do. I’ll be waiting for that call,” she said happily.

The hope that filled her chest felt dangerous.

~

I wonder if he knows how much that I miss him, I hang on every word you say, And you smile and say, "How are you?” I say, "Just fine".

~

2021

July 2021 was a month Elena had been dreading. The lead up to it had been gut-wrenching, the alerts on her phone making her feel more and more sick to her stomach, despite all the support and distraction Mila and Jessie tried to give her. The Seattle Kraken expansion draft would be happening today and all she could do was watching on a live stream as Jamie was taken away from her once more.

“These players will forever be known as the original Seattle Kraken. Your Seattle Kraken.”

“The Seattle Kraken pick…Jamie Oleksiak.”

“How we doing Seattle? Wow, yeah, alright! I’m loving the energy. You know it’s, uh, I’m excited to get the season going. I’m sure the building’s gonna be rocking.”

She’d called him later that night, and for once, he’d answered on the first attempt. He was busy – of course he was – and that fact that he even answered her call at all warmed her slowly shattering heart in a way that she knew couldn’t be fixed with Mila’s good tequila.

But she didn’t care. And she certainly didn’t stop Jamie’s happy rambling.

She curled up in her armchair as he recounted the day so far, all the announcements, the early team building he’d already been doing. And he sounded so happy, the spark back in his voice in a way it hadn’t been back in 2017 when Dallas had traded him. It was different this time. It was completely and utterly different, and it left her in a state of hopelessness that she didn’t know how to deal with, especially from the other end of a phone.

“Don’t forget. Don’t forget about me,” Elena said, knowing her voice was filled with desperation.

“I told you last time, how could I forget you?”

Last time he told her in person, because he’d had the trade call right there in her home. Last time he hadn’t messaged her at all in the year he was away. This time all he’d known – and she’d known – was that Dallas hadn’t protected him ahead of the expansion draft, and it was a high possibility that Seattle would take him. And just like that, her worst fears had come to life once more. She’d only had another two years of Jamie in her life, in Dallas, since he came back and now he would be gone again.

“It feels different,” Elena murmured, “Does it feel different to you?”

“I’m excited for this, El. Seattle has a great buzz and the fans are already electric. We’re even having a food tour later, and the views of the Puget Sound are amazing.”

He loved it.

Of course he loved it.

Why shouldn’t he?

“Sounds like a great place,” she said sadly, not bothering to smile when he couldn’t even see her.

“Yeah I’m feeling good about this. The Kraken are going to be a good team for me, I just know it.”

She wanted to be happy, wanted to be overjoyed for him, but there was a sinking oily slick feeling that she couldn’t shake. She’d asked him not to forget her, and he promised again that he wouldn’t. Just like last time, when he’d promised.

But it was different this time. She could feel it, down deep in her bones. Jamie being chosen by the Kraken, rather than traded to the Penguins, was different. And she didn’t know if she would survive it this time round.

How could she?

~

Tall, dark and beautiful, He's complicated, he's irrational, But I hope someday you'll take me away and save the day.

~

2024

“Elena?”

Oh. Oh.

Ten years’ worth of memories rushed over her, overwhelming her body entirely. Her breath hitched in her throat, freezing at that oh-so-familiar baritone, before she plastered a smile to her shaky lips to hide her nerves as she turned to face him properly. Fuck, she may be 30 years old now, but the simple sight of Jamie looming over her took her back to the 20-year-old who fell in love with him the first day they met.

“Jamie, hi!”

He grinned at her, missing tooth so endearing. “Fuck, it is you! It’s been years! How are you?”

Missing him profoundly.

Better now she saw him again.

Why did he even remember her?

She cleared her throat. “Oh you know, same old me. Got promoted to Senior Architect at my firm the other month.”

Jamie laughed, nodding his head.

“You always were the reliable steady one,” he mused, “Glad you’re doing well.”

Reliable?

Did he even remember she was an architect?

No, that didn’t matter.

“How are you?” she asked.

She hated how easy it was to fall into desperation around him, never wanting the conversation to end, for him to have an excuse to leave.

“I’m good, yeah. Season’s going well so far. Thank you,” he said, smiling.

“I’m glad,” she said, trying not to let her smile dim.

“I’m sorry I haven’t replied to your texts. Life is crazy, you know?” he said, a little sheepish, “I know I’ve missed a few birthdays. But I always appreciated your messages, I swear.”

It’s been years.

She always wished the birthday flowers, the birthday cards, the phone calls were from him.

But they never were.

“Don’t worry about it. I know you’re busy – Seattle seems good for you,” Elena said simply, offering a smile.

His beaming smile in return made her heart ache in a way it hadn’t ached in years. Fuck.

Did he even realise how much she missed him?

“Yeah, it’s amazing. Seattle is such a great fit – the team is so good. I finally feel like I have a place that I belong,” he said happily.

He belonged here.

In Dallas.

How could he say that?

“That’s great! I’m so happy for you!” she managed to breathe out.

Jamie nodded, smiling as he reached forward to finally pick up his coffee order, moments before her own name was called, the contentment in his face so clear in a way she’d never seen before as she reached for her own coffee. Seattle really was his home now, wasn’t it? Not Dallas, not with her.

“Hey Rig! We’re late! We gotta go!”

Elena flinched at the boisterous call from across the coffee shop, Jamie just looking over his shoulder and raising a hand in acknowledgement before he looked back at her.

“I’d better…”

He trailed off, jerking his head in his teammates’ direction, but she just nodded.

“Go on, go save the hockey world, I’ll be around,” she teased.

She could only hope the tone of her voice hid how her heart was breaking in two all over again.

“You’re the best, Elena. Don’t ever change,” he grinned, “see you around?”

“You know it,” she nodded, knowing her smile was failing but not finding the strength to bolster it.

Jamie squeezed her shoulder, face full of a warmth that she knew he didn’t mean in the way she needed it, and headed across the store towards his friends.

“I always forget to tell you, I love you,” Elena whispered, watching him walk away.

~

Tagging a few people: @starshine-hockey-girl @misshoneyimhome @senditcolton @fallinallincurls @tippedbykreider

[spiderlandry]

congrats!!!! i was wondering if you could do a childhood friends to lovers drabble with ethan landry?

thank u anon!! i Love childhood friends to lovers (i already have one for ethan in my wips, so i ended up making this one a little different, but my wip sounds like something you’d be into so stick around for when i release that soon!)

used a jack gif because i am running out of cute ethan ones 😧 this turned out way longer than expected sorry omfg

100 follower event

warnings/tags: mostly just fluff w ethan 😮‍💨 ghostface not mentioned, one use of y/n, mentions of dieting (by ethan b/c he’s going to the gym), insecurities

off the table — ethan landry

“Ethan, look at the camera!”

He stares at his phone, watching through the ‘movies’ you used to film at his house when you were younger. Your voice sounds squeaky, matching his at the time. The video is blurry, but he can see his own goofy pose through the pixels as you turn the camera to him, and then here comes his favourite part, when you turn the camcorder and set it on the coffee table and he can see you and him sitting on the floor of his family living room.

“Introduce yourself, come on!”

“Ethan?” A knock on his bedroom door forces him to shut off his device and hug it to his chest, leaning back against his headboard.

“Yeah?” He responds to the all-too familiar voice, you, on the other side of the wood, opening the door.

“Um—“ You squint your eyes at him, as if you’d heard the sounds coming from his phone. Shit, did you hear? “You have any plans tonight?” You don’t mention the way he’s visibly relieved when you ask.

“No, why?” He’s back at ease with you again, pushing back the thoughts of a future with you to the back of his mind.

“Dinner?”

“I want wings,” He confesses.

You chuckle at his admission, knowing he’d been dieting because he began regularly going to the gym with Chad. (Which, honestly, was a treat to your eyes—but he’d never know.)

“I’ll get wings.” You pull out your phone to order, then adding, “I won’t tell Chad.” Before you leave and close the door.

He runs his hands down his face. Why did he think becoming roommates with you was a good idea? Oh, right, because you promised each other when you were kids.

It’s not the fact that you’re roommates. It’s that you’re just roommates, at least at this moment. But you’re also each other’s best friend since childhood—a connection that neither of you plan to change.

He watches through the video folder he has, titled, ‘y/n and ethan’ consisting of the videos you two filmed with a shitty camcorder at his dad’s house.

It was a time capsule of sorts—the videos progressed and the two of you grew up—but as time passed, the entries became less frequent. The last time was before you both separated for the first two years of college, when you went to study abroad. But you came back, reminded him of the promises you both made; telling him ‘the offer is still on the table.’ and he ended up moving in with you as per the plans you made as children.

This year of living together has been like if nothing ever changed, like you never went anywhere else, never spent two years apart from him. Though, there are flashes of uncertainty. Cracks in your demeanor that leaves him wondering if he truly knows you still.

Each moment where you mention someone in your life he doesn't know, he feels a sting. And on top of that, he feels guilt. How can he stay in your life keeping this secret from you? It eats at him.

He's in love with you. There's no denying that. The problem lies in how long he can hold it in, out of fear of ruining what he has with you. But knowing you, you would probably reject him so nicely that he wouldn't notice. There is no chance you'd feel the same, he thinks.

You both eat wings on the couch, watching your favorite movie. Neither of you care about the close distance, shoulders touching and hands brushing against each other when the movie ends and you begin to cleanup.

In the kitchen disposing of trash, you lean against a counter while he gets busy tidying up the kitchen. He can feel your stare on him, burning.

"Are you just gonna stand there?" He laughs, but there's a waiver in his voice that is hard to miss.

"Were you watching the videos of us? You know. Earlier."

His heart pounds in his ears. "Yeah. Why?" He doesn't see a point in lying anymore.

You sigh, "I miss you too, you know."

His head snaps up to meet yours, a longing gaze in your eyes.

That's when he realizes that you've stepped closer, your warmth practically radiating off your figure. His mind blanks.

"I feel like I've been..." You pause to think, "I don't know. Distant?"

Between the two of you, you were always the more honest one. A trait he admires, a reason to look up to you. You never shy away from a conversation when it's needed.

Ethan's mind jumps to a worst case scenario. Multiple, actually. Why are you telling him this? You're about to break bad news to him, aren't you?

Reading the uncertainty in his eyes, you continue.

"Something's changed." You shrug, looking to him for an answer.

"No, why--why would you say that?"

"I'm sorry, E."

His brows furrow. Now he's even more confused.

"I feel like I don't know how to fucking act around you anymore."

Woah. Now where did that come from?

His shoulders slump at the mere though of you not wanting to be around him. Did he do something wrong? Are you uncomfortable?

You mumble something inaudible.

"What?" He whispers, almost breathless.

"IthinkI'minlovewithyou."

He's certain his heart stopped beating. He needs to get his ears checked, surely.

"Can--can you say that again?"

You stare at him through your lashes, a frown forming on your lips. He wants nothing more than to wipe it off you, but first he needs to make sure he heard you correctly.

"I'm in love with you." You stop looking at his eyes, unable to face him. "And I'm sorr--"

He engulfs you in a hug before you can finish.

"Don't ever be sorry," He tightens his hold, and you reciprocate. "I thought--I didn't think you'd ever feel the same."

He can physically feel you relaxing.

"You're an ass."

That gets a laugh out of him. "Why?"

"You made me say it again."

"You know what? I'll make you a deal."

"Yeah? Is it a good deal? Don't try to scam me."

He smiles, though you can't see it because your eyes are closed, too focused on the feeling of his arms around you. "I'll tell you how much I love you for as long as you want."

"Give me a timeframe."

"For the rest of our lives, hm? Deal?"

"Deal."

[iamafictionfreak]

TIS THE SEASON TO BE MERTHUR!

Just... Look at them!

I miss everything about this show. Even the very bad CGI and the weak-ass plot points/armour/conveniences/contrivances.

One Christmas Eve, almost 11 years ago, the entire Merlin fandom was butchered into tiny little distraught pieces. It didn’t matter if your favourite character was Merlin or Morgana, Gaius or Gwen. The showrunners held no qualms in destroying your dreams for Gwaine or Perce. The writers did not hold back in their aim to crucify the smile on your face, to forever turn it upside down. No ship was spared. All hopes for the show to finally commit to their original intent, to bring peace between peoples, to save Albion, to allow Merlin his freedom and Arthur the truth, was brought to a bitter, fatalistic end.

Not that I need to repeat this to you, you know what happened, but it’s worth reiterating that this travesty occurred… on Christmas Eve.

CHRISTMAS. EVE.

Christmas Eve.

The night before Christmas, the night before the day where all rules are broken and we can frolic like children around a decorated tree filled with twinkling lights, our collective hearts were shredded.

This event (once we recovered a tiny bit from the shock) gave birth to a plethora of astonishingly well written, poignant, devastating, hilarious fanfictions that had helped nurse our wounds, for nothing could TRULY heal (except a follow-up season with the original characters, come ON BBC) us.

After nearly 11 years of watching these brilliant entries grow, I never thought I’d jump on this bandwagon and write my own fic.

But I've had a few very shit years, as have many people around the world, and I started to wonder as we do when we want to prove magic can still happen.

My brain decided that it wanted my hands to write the most indulgent, likely over done fic in existence for the fandom. This thought stuck with me throughout the year – I was being STALKED by myself – and wouldn’t leave me the hell alone. This hasn’t happened in a long while.

Still… you’ll eyeroll at the idea. It's so OBVIOUS, I'm embarrassed by myself.

What if Arthur discovered Merlin’s magic from the get-go, from episode 1?

WAIT. Hear me out…

So, Merlin saves Arthur for the first time and Arthur SEES. He sees his eyes glow.

He knows he should tell his father, but his instincts are screaming at him. Honour is at stake. This stranger saved his life. How could he reward it with an execution? So, a chance needs to be given, doesn’t it? A chance for Merlin to give up magic forever and live a life of goodness, to turn away from evil and serve Arthur…

Except Arthur can’t help but wonder. About Magic, about Merlin and magic, about the law and all the whys attached and his place within this chain.

But he also can’t trust this peasant who cavorts with the devil, practices wickedness but smiles like a child and offers compassion to everyone. Someone so duplicitous must be dangerous… except Merlin’s an actual idiot! And it’s getting really difficult to keep his guard up.

But isn’t that how sorcerers work? They twist the mind with pleasing ideas, they tempt and coerce, they manipulate.

And slowly, Arthur finds himself being manipulated too. For how could he ever want to trust this man- but he does. He does.

And we’ve never been allowed to see Merlin deal with a S1 Arthur who’s in the ‘know’. Who’s forcing him to keep it secret, who’s threatening him with trial by fire, a young Arthur who’s ignorant, arrogant and so desperate to understand what he cannot trust.

Then there's the layers, royalty versus peasantry, friendship versus alliances, goals versus ideals.

I want to write a fic where this trust is built from the ground up. One of the things about the show that made it impossible for me to let it go is that the ‘relationship’ between Arthur and Merlin fits exactly zero categories, yet all of them.

Master and servant.

Friends

Family

Allies

Enemies

Romantic ideals

Platonic soulmates

Absolute Soulmates

I could go on. And it's one of those rare shows where the writing would be given more oomph if the males leads had dared cross a line or two.

Realistically, they weren't even friends. They were master and servant who'd become a little co-dependant. Arthur could never admit to anything more because of his station, but would he have been able to being completely himself around Merlin if he'd known the truth? We never see Arthur truly be himself. He wasn't allowed to be, not even with his wife. There was always a wall - it was how he was raised and any attempt to develop was killed by plot.

We never saw Merlin completely free, not with a single person. He started happy and healthy and innocent. A liar. He ended up bitter and terrified and angry and alone. Still a liar.

What would he have become if there'd been one person he could truly trust- not Gaius. Not a man already broken and brainwashed by his own self. A victim of the system just as much as he perpetuated the hate and completely unaware of the trap he lived in.

Many of the characters in the show have the versatility and potential to be written a trillion different ways, is it any wonder that fics continue to be written?

Well, I wanted to explore a slow burn development of trust, with Arthur learning how wrong he was, how much he’s trampled on, and all about the seemingly normal peasant boy who meant more to the world than Arthur could possibly understand. What would they have become if they’d been given the time, hm?

When they were young - yes, I'm going there - wild and free.

What of Morgana, what if she could have trusted? What if she could have understood? Would it have turned out differently? Would she have still become the other side of Uther's coin?

Would Merlin still have ended up alone?

There’s lots more I wanted to touch upon, it’s a big what if, but that’ll have to wait for another post.

I’m writing a 5 part prologue that occurs between episode 1 and 2. I’m hoping to release it for Christmas and then take the time to write the rest of the season.

Unless… you guys think it’s a waste of time? Let me know.

In the meantime, I’m STILL SUFFERING (fucking show) and it's making me write, write, write!

(gifs not mine)

[vryfmi]

talk shop tuesday!!!! I love love LOVED your piece for the tea toast & ghosts zine – what was your experience in planning and creating it? was it a challenge to combine both art and writing, and did your art influence your writing or vice versa? I'd love to hear about your thought process in the creation of that really cool piece :D

thank you so much! it's really nice to hear especially since it's my first posted writing!

if im being honest i wanted to write an article from the very beginning, it was the overall idea that was ever changing but eventually i found it. since TTG zine's topic was your favourite thing about l&co, and i had no idea how to incorporate skullyle and it was too much work to come up with technical parts of ghost-lamps (tho i did dive deep into street lights' wiring at one point), i figured i'd stick to my favourite thing of all - worldbuilding and dark stuff!

The Idea™, at first, was to come up with a few cases and illustrate them, but the longer i rotated those the more i didn't like the prospect of making something separate and not rooted into canon. so i skimmed through the books while looking for any mentions of Fittes and Rotwell cases, since back then i already decided to use the Mud Lane Phantom's story. the other two i took are from TSS and THB and they were vague enough to be able to lengthen them to an article entry.

i outlined ideas first, what themes i wanted to convey, what i wanted to put out there for fans and how these cases would've work with each other. from the that point i started drawing the illustrations. quite a backwards process. and it all sounds good on paper but in reality irl struggles really weren't making me any favours and i wasn't meeting deadlines at all, but mods team was patient and understanding with me, they are literally the best!

for Mud Lane i went for slight mockery of pioneers because, well, yeah. there was quite a lot of made up lore that i decided to cast aside (like what if "today" at the crossroad there's a statue of Fittes and Rotwell? a museum? a tourist attraction? a gift shop?). overall im just really proud of illustration that i did, i should draw more of Marissa and Tom at some point.

fun fact and easter egg of sorts: Marissa's pose was supposed to be an homage to first poster of the series and the way Lucy stands in it! i think it got lost along the way as i changed the pose but i think it's still readable enough. i love drawing parallels between the two (:

[id: a side by side of Marissa in illustration, where she's holding her lantern with her right hand and looking beyond the viewer, and Lucy from the first Netflix' poster, where she stands in a simillar manner but points with her rapier at something out of view./end id]

picking one case set 50 years before the others ment that i'd have to contrast them, draw a parallel and make them work against each other to bring up the best and the worst. The Shoreditch one was, admittedly, more of that coming up with something that wasn't there in the first place. first book only mentioned patrols and i latched onto them. (plus i was drafting it at around the same time as l&co bigbang came out and i was massively inspired by my teammates work which incorporated those patrols but in metro tunnels. great case-fic btw). mainly i went for darker aspects of agent's work there, thinking that to fit in sewers the team would've been of smaller children, and that Kipps (yeah, he's there in illustration) would be as close to them as possible, unlike other inspectors we are used to seeing.

Holland Park Hounds was the one that i was the most excited for because wdym we as a fandom don't talk about possible animal-ghosts?? sure, it could've been Changer(s) but is it really? plus how badass of Holly to be part of it AND it was famous enough that Lucy knew of it as well!

Holly Munro pushed a stray hair or two behind her ear. ‘Well, I’ve seen some things. I was there in the Holland Park Cellar case, when our party got blockaded underground by those seven spectral dogs. It was quite a tight spot. And after that—’ ‘I heard about Holland Park, Holly, and I can tell you the thing that makes the bloody footprints is ten times worse. I’m only saying. I don’t want to frighten you. I just wouldn’t want you to get hurt.’ (THB)

innitially i wanted to do something about a horse-phantom that was mentioned somewhere but for the life of me i couldn't find it in books, so i'll leave it for my next reread. but this case has so much more ties to the main gang and especially Holly herself. i really wanted to draw a picture of her and her team after the case but no composition really worked so i kept it to park's plan (my urban planer friend said it looked good even). plus giving a plan and thorough haunting information somehow felt very Rotwell to me.

aaand i think that's it! not much to say for back cover only that my friend really disliked my choice of comic sans for one of the adverts. and that i wanted to make it gritty, as if its a wall right around the corner of the Fittes ball court.

[crystallizedkingdoms]

walks over while clearly being a horse.. haayyy can u talk about yiik iv

omg hi horsie!!! if you have anything specific you want me to talk about feel free to send me another ask but for now im gonna talk about my feelings of I.V in general and my favourite additions!! spoilers under the cut

let’s start this off by saying i am Not 100% done with I.V. ive gone through the whole main story and NG+, but i have yet to go through NG++ nor have i begun any search for the third ending (but i really wanna!!) so i will be speaking from that perspective.

but here’s what I think in general, and i say this with no exaggeration: I.V has elevated YIIK to one of my favourite games of all time. legitimately top 3. I.V balances between strengthening and improving on plot points in 1.25 that existed in a limited aspect, and adding entirely new things that make it so much fucking bigger than i ever expected it to be. Everything about Benevolent Psychosis had me on the edge of my seat the entire time, being in completely new territory yet understanding how it tied in with the original story made it so incredible to experience.

I am absolutely in love with the Nameless segments. I really looked forward to playing her every time i was nearing a chapter end. learning about Allison and Carrie through this vessel and learning to question her presentation, and those she interacts with (God of Hope im looking at you) is the most fun ive had in a long time, and i love picking through my multiple interpretations of her character and her sections. especially the Hell House segment. the level of dread i felt when i realized what i was playing genuinely made me so happy, and the gameplay of that moment really fucking enhanced it.

also. Michael. what theyve done with Michael is fucking genius and i am in honest shock of how theyve managed to expand on him. he was easily my least favourite character of the main cast in 1.35, not because i disliked him, but because I honestly felt Nothing about him. as much as i did end up enjoying 1.25 after letting go of my irony poisoned interaction with the game, i still hold the belief that Michael simply wasnt written that well. but holy shit does I.V rectify that. All the extra context we have of him now, from his relationship with the Camera and the Red Room, his younger existence in the Nameless sections, his strengthened connection with Chondra, and his diary entries in BP are honestly phenomenal. hes become such a central character in I.V and now easily one of, if not The favourite character of mine in all of YIIK. his relationship with the Egglestons will ruin me for years to come

Another thing that i am such a big fan of is the dive into memetics that I.V takes. I will not act like i am super well versed in philosophy, but seeing the concepts and characters (namely Kisage X) brought from Deviation Perspective to I.V was really really fun, and learning about Memes in the context of Original Sins/Wins was really incredible. I feel like it’s genuinely taught me about some things in life, which imo is what a fucking phenomenal story does.

but. if there was One thing about I.V that i did not like, even if it’s ultimately really minor… it’s the Mind Dungeon. dear god navigating the Mind Dungeon is an absolute total nightmare, despite how cool the area itself is. I’m lucky im not sensitive to eye straining visuals (in fact i personally love it) but Jesus Christ how does this game not have a warning for it. the camera is very wonky in that area and i for the life of me do not understand how or why the dash button is also the “teleport yourself to the main hub section” button. What the fuck. also I don’t think I ever figured out all the skills or even that one floating platform in the distance but that’s entirely user error on my part

so uhhh yeah those are some of my thoughts. again feel free to ask for anything in particular . here’s a sugar cube if you read all of this

[leodicapricornn]

Exalted Secret Santa 2024 Journal

Played Exalted for the first time this year and I'm jumping into my first ever Exalted secret santa <3 Excited to see everyone's entries!

Below is my new son Zhyt'va and his (ex) boyfriend Twisted Vines!

Zhyt'va (жътва in Bulgarian meaning harvest or reeping), previously Haru

Type: Eclipse Solar Caste

Concept: my main inspo was Harvey Specter from Suits but if he was a tragic anime twink - sweet talker, hiding his true feelings, carefully crafting deals and acting as lawyer when needed

Appearance: Zhyt'va is fairly lanky, 6'3, not exactly built for fighting but can squeeze out of a nasty situation if forced. Light tan skin, very dark brown hair, brown eyes, multiple moles on his face and body (I've marked the face ones but don't worry about sticking to them perfectly!)

Style: As a representative for house Cynis, Zhyt'va understood how fashion can be another weapon. Obviously he couldn't dare outshine any of the actual family members but he wore fabrics of a fitting quality. Now, he is putting practicality above fashion, but he still holds a deep fondness for the garments he carefully collected over the years.

My main references for his outfit were @/onyou_japan who do modern versions of kimono and yukata.

Quick backstory: Zhyt'va's family was killed when he was a child and, as a last ditch effort to survive, he offered complete devotion to house Cynis. Thankfully Twisted Vines deemed him useful (at the very least interesting) and took him in. Zhyt'va changed his name to Haru as a symbol of his new life and became Vines' right-hand-man, offering more diplomatic solutions to disputes, unlike Cynis' usual conduct. Twisted Vines became Haru's only ambition and meaning in life, helping make any of Vines' dreams come true. The two became romantically involved and secretly worked on plans to push Twisted Vines to the top of his house. Cue years later, when Haru had a complete moral flip, determined to protect the people he was tasked with "taking care of." Killing members of the Cynis house and Exalting in front of his lover, Haru's life ended in a split second, and Zhyt'va returned. A couple months later, we're at the start of our campaign, Zhyt'va still heartbroken, struggling to reinvent himself and rid himself of the Cynis stink. His new goal is to bring justice to people, who can't get it for themselves, and reach just balance in the world.

Twisted Vines

(Haven't drawn him much yet so if you pick him feel free to take as many liberties as u wish!)

Type: Wood Aspect Dragon-Blooded

Concept: Quiet and calculated, planting roots every chance he gets and patiently waiting for them to spring into action when optimal

Appearance: Twisted Vines has an overpowering presence, standing at 7'2, broad shoulders and rough skin like bark, he truly looks like an ancient tree that cannot be shaken easily. His black hair with a green sheen reaches his lower back, though. it is usually pulled in a tight ponytail except for one strand at the front. His eyes are an incredible deep forest green that mostly looks like black unless in bright light. He has a thin scar on the left side of his face, starting from his forehead reaching to his mid-cheek. Generally hairy body and trimmed facial hair.

Style: The Cynis house might be associated with lavish (illegal, depraved, hedonistic, etc.) parties but Twisted Vines doesn't dress the part. Usually opting for formal, high-born attire, he looks more like a general or politician.

Quick Backstory: Twisted Vines knows that he's far from being anyone's first choice for leader of Cynis but he has always believed to be better than his siblings. He has been planning his takeover since before he even exalted, confident in his abilities and strategising expertise. His favourite tool in his arsenal was, of course, Haru - lacking in raw power, especially compared to Twisted Vines, but making up for it with complete devotion and honey dipped speech. In the rare case that Twisted Vines dared to endulge in dreaming, he pictured Haru next to him, in the empire they had built and perfected. All of that was ripped out of his consciouness in a matter of minutes, as Twisted Vines came face to face with his lover. Yellow markings glowing dangerously like those of a venomous reptile. Where he previously found comfort, Twisted Vines now saw a bleeding reminder that those closest to you are the most dangerous. His first failure was letting Haru escape with his life, but he won't fail again.

[miidnightpoet]

Okay does anyone ever like cling into something someone said in a conversation that was probably meaningless to them but in someway meant everything to you? Because I do a lot, especially with my one friend.

So We go to the same church and we were at the yearly party/Vidgil we have the night before Good Friday. So we play our usual game of hide and see in the dark of the Church. Everyone teams up and (since me and friend have been being friends more) we teamed up. First round we were looking around for somewhere to hide when he pulls out this god spot of a hiding place.

In the church at the side entry doors there’s this little like room in between two sets of doors. There were these huge stone pillars framing the doors and that’s where we hid (much to my objection) we were out of sight but still in the building.

So we were whisper talking about the others not being able to find us and our friends and school.

We were sitting there across form each other waiting for our friends to come and find us, and I decided to let him in on a secret I’ve been holding onto for a while now. (For context we were somewhat friends before Covid when I was around 10/11 and he was 13/14 then the pandemic hit and we lost contact, but we reconnected a few months ago and it’s awesome) Anyway in 5th grade when all you talk about with your friends is new movies and boys and crushes, someone is bound to ask who you have a crush on. And me being the honest 5th grader I was told the truth “no one” but pretty sure we all know that is never believed and they asked me again and I panicked saying the first name that came to mind (name of new friend from church)

like a couple weeks before that night I had been talking to my two friends (I’ll call M and A) about it (the vidgil, my friend,) and the one story came up. A started calling him “crush boy” and M caught onto it and did aswell (all on good fun) but I thought I was going to die, because I knew that they’d meet at some point most likely at my Confiration since his younger sisters were also getting confirmed. I had no interest in them meeting and A and M calling him “crush boy”

So four years later here I am sitting on the stone floor of a church hiding from our friends in the dark with that same friend telling him the whole story (I’ll be honest it took a bit to get there I was very reluctant at first) waiting to be called weird and immature but he looks at me with a goofy smile on his face and the only thing he says is “I’m honoured it was me” and then conversation moved on a bit and we’re still sitting on the floor somewhat silence someone talking and I don’t really remember what brought I up but he laughs and says some thing along the lines “you know we’re kinda like Steve and Robin, sitting here on the floor of an empty room talking about the randomest things”

And let me tell you I died, I smiled and i know it was a big one that was partially covered by the darkness. “Yea, the bisexual and and lesbian”

Yea so that entire experience had basically been stuck to be like glue and I very much have hyper fixated on the the fact he compared me to my favourite supernatural fighting, sarcastic lesbian who I’m probably unhealthy in love with. Now I regularly call him Dingus and Harrington.

This post ended up being much longer than I planned but in some way I’m slighting glad it worked

This memory would save me from Vecna

[zomb21z]

my favourite pete wentz petekey livejournal entries

Q: peter, would you ever date someone 13 years younger then you? or at least be friends with them? p.s you are hot and i love you

A: i don’t want to go to jail. im little and i think i would get passed around like a pack of cigarettes. but thank you that is really sweet. i don’t really want to do pushups in a drag…

that one isn't really related to petekey and it's not a lj entry but it's funny and makes me feel less devastated and depresed about the whole petekey thing

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Amazing new mexico sunset. I’m hanging on a bridge with my friend mikey way from my chem. Its all orange and pink above us. We went to another waterpark again. I love high fives again. Totally back in love. Saw the most amazing movie… I think its called spirited away. Watch it.

Peterpan

obviously this is one of my top favs everytime i see the word "mexico", "sunset" or the mention of mikey way i immediately think of this one lj entry

July 19, 2005

wrote you a goodbye note (you just wrote me off) on your arm when you passed out. bestfriends, exfriends- better off as lovers not the other way around. racing through the city in the back of yellow checkered cars. the takeoffs are the worst but the skin from your shoulder to your ear makes it all worth it. and im sorry the way my moods flicker on and off like old light on your porch, but i know you wouldn’t have it any other way. sneaking in your window instead of out. the way you hold a cigarette cause you don’t know what to do with your hands when we are sitting this close. the way the waists of pants feel better at the ankles. the way you always were my best excuse for calling in sick on everyone else. i miss you.

petey

SO HEARTBREAKING also i lovelovelove bang the doldrums even though it makes me super sad

July 26, 2005

lately i’ve been into believing fictional stories like the ones about me and you being happy. they’ve gotta be science fiction cause how else can you have a monster fall in love with a boy with no heart? actually i’m pretty sure you have a heart, but i’m just as certain it’ll never be mine. i can tell you’re willing to be loved somewhere on the inside but that doesn’t do me any good when i’m still seeing things through thick curtains over windows and padlocked doors on the outside. bitter regrets, predictable forfeits. we lit a fire that was nothing but smoke and hot air. ashes. my hands are empty and you hold all the cards, kind of funny how you don’t even want them/me. the final nail in my coffin stabbed me in the heart - from my back. you once made my heart skip a beat, now you make it want to skip this. you’ve got salty mails ripping my wounds open that you’re telling me to let heal. love is a mirage, you only think it’s there for so long..til you either wise up or die of hydration. love is the way to blow your brains out minus the gun, i swear. it’s the stupidest form of suicide cause you don’t die. and whatever doesn’t kill you only laughs at you for coming close enough to. sorry, it’s just the bitterness talking. ignore it/me. i’m just loose words hanging on the ends of your lips, even looser when i’m anywhere near your hips. poetry written from blistered fingertips and sleep deprived eyes that was better before the ink dried. he said, "i should have stayed with her,” and i should have stayed away. held together by paperclips and lies, a part of me is still trying to pretend i was (mis)hearing things but even the voices in my head aren’t that mean to me. and them “i’m sorry,” too late, i’m a better (re)actor than the one you’re being to convince me. i’m just convinced that telemarketers are the only people with more hangups than me. you called this before you knew the number, and hung up before you got a responce. tell me any of this will get me somewhere worth being without being left behind. i tried, i gave it/you my all, but all i can do is give up. i don’t tell you my insecurities so you can use them against me, but help me get over them. instead you said and did the worst thing you could do. worse than cheating to me, i hope you know. but whatever i don’t even know, i guess sometimes it takes losing what you had to see what you didn’t.

the parts in italics r my fav this one truly is the most heartbreaking one out of all of pete's petekey entries it's so poetic emotional I CANT DESCRIBE ITTT

next one isn't an entry i js really like it

December 2nd, 2005

[…]

i love how i thought this was all over and i have to face the same two months replayed for the rest of my life.

my head and heart are beating the shit out of me trying to see what hurts worse.

kinda like us.

yep.

summer wasn’t hot enough but i had hope winter was gonna be the coolest.

i obviously thought wrong.

you and me are the last hot day in summer. we’re just fading before the fall.

if you listen really closely to whatever's around you you can hear me crying. again, italics r my fav

November 23rd, 2005

[…]

i wrote you a letter a few hours ago that i never intended to give you in the first place and then ripped it up and threw it away cause it’s much too personal to say on paper. even over a phone. the words i said in it i need to say to you in person. i guess it felt better to write it all out. it’s easy to say “i only need 5 seconds with you than a lifetime with someone else” than it is to live it. to be honest, i’m dying from it. “kiss me electric” vs “kiss me at all.” and when you do it’s just a kiss off.

this isn't the full entry its js that this half had more emotional impact on me

friends that lay together

forgive me for not showing more remorse

apologies were never really my thing- outside of feeling sorry for myself. the last nail in your coffin got stuck in the mail. youre gonna have to wait. until then focus on love below the waist. they say your head can be a prison- consider this a conjugal visit.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Stick around long enough and everyone becomes parody of themselves (see also: if it could happen to the egyptians if could happen to you).

[…]

you dont hate me, you hate the part of you that is like me. i cant sit here and ride my flaws until the end because the truth is i live the charmed life because of you and them. we are a gang. maybe its time to disband. im not sure i am thinking clearly but i just want you to know that i waited on you guys calls all night- they never came. i just wanted to say i miss you or im sorry or you know something that would have meant something to you. i would have made it poetic and memorable or at least something you could laugh at while drifting off to sleep. always trying to relive the glory days.

i dont care how poorly these sentences were constructed or how in the light of day i will wish i had not written them- right now i can only curse the fucking light off of this stupid western city because it wont ever get dark enough for sleep but otherwise how could you guide your way back here?

my head always feels warm right before i pass out, i always worry that there is something wrong and i wont wake up or you know i will. promise me that you wont take anything i ever say too seriously.

***

Friday, July 07, 2006

im so sorry, but not really. ('straighten up and die right’)

i said i want to be rebuilt like a frank lloyd wright only without all of the water damage. or painted over like a monet only less blurry. she said “no, youre something different”. like what? “something better”. it gave me the rush of warm blood like you see in cartoon dogs right before their eyes pop out and all of the bells go off. my head is spinning like a car off of an icy guardrail. show me what you are made of. your eyes were always rolling but youd tilt your head so they were somehow always still stuck on me (have your cake and eat it too). i feel safe but not like a bet more like the way mothers feel when the lock the car doors in bad neighborhoods. i am blue waves across the red rootlike veins in the bodies drawn flat in medical books. i wonder at the way that someone can write thousands and thousands of pages about my insides. when i met you i gave you a name- not your own- but in my head so i wouldnt ever mix you up with anyone so ordinary- i cant tell you- but to me it meant salvation. you only wanted reaction. but i cant be bothered. not anymore. ill see you in the spring. first pew on the left. wear your white veil and dont forget the words. warped tour. sun drenched days. bestfriends. new roads. so long salvation. dont worry your pretty little heads. i am sleeping safe tonight.

okay tbh this is js a bunch of petekey stuff thatre my favs but i put the title heading thing as livejournal entries cause it's more aesthetic 😞

these next ones r js tweets

ALSOOO HE GREEN TEA KITKATS OETE THING IS SO CUTE ITS MY 2ND FAV NEXT TO THE NEW MEXICO SUNSET ONE and that's all i think

[theflyingfeeling]

I know you didn't ask but you said you don't have enough knowledge about Swedish entries in Swedish so I couldn't hold back I'm so sorry

These are some of my faves, please give a listen if you have time, I'd live to hear your opinions 🥰

1985: Kikki Danielsson - Bra vibrationer (80's was so fun can we go back pls) 1992: Carola - Fångad av en stormvind (currently my favourite Swedish winner) 1993: Arvingarna - Eloise (one of those songs I heard a lot in my childhood and only later learned it was an Esc entry) 1996: One More Time - Den Vilda (huge favourite among Esc fans and for a good reason) plus this Swedish version which they then translated to English for Eurovision (cowards), possibly my favourite Swedish entry of all time: 2000: Roger Pontare - När Vindarna viskar mitt namn

and for bonus round my favourite Melfest entry that didn't win: 2015: Jon Henrik Fjällgren - Jag Är Fri

Ooooooh nice nice nice let's see 👀

Bra vibrationer - Love the vibes of this one! This put me on a much better mood after the busy/tiring day I've had; good vibrations indeed 😍 In love with her pink blazer as well 💖

Fångad av en stormvind - Cute as heck!! Also, Carola is an incredible singer 💗_💗

Eloise - Fucking hell, this slaps so hard?!?! Why have y'all been hiding this from me 😭 The singer is so charismatic although all he did was stand still?! He sings so effortlessly and the song is SUPER catchy, it's giving me The Beatles vibes. I wish we had more genuinely great songs like this in the ESC these days (there's so much focus on the show nowadays that you sort of forget it's...a song contest, after all)

Den Vilda - This was so...pleasant? 🥺 Like, everything was perfectly in place and there wasn't too much of anything, yet it was incerdibly captivating (i.e. not boring in the slightest). Gives me Disney song vibes in a way (possibly because of the orchestral elements in the performance)

När Vindarna Viskar Mitt Namn - Okay this is just so cool and I decided I don't even need the English version in my life. Love the surprise modulation in the end

Jag Är Fri - This is so beautiful 😭 I actually have the world's vaguest memory of watching Melodifestivalen that year and being mad that *entry This And This* didn't win instead of Måns 💀 It might have been this particular entry even, the name rings a bell at least 🤔

Thank you so much for this!! I saw this ask in the morning and waited the whole day to be back at home so I could listen to these songs and it was just the perfect way to wind up a little after the day I've had. These were all such great songs and I'm not just saying that, I genuinely loved these 🥺🫶

[marie-swriting]

You Traitor - MCU!Peter Parker

Drabble Masterlist

Summary : You're finally shooting your shot with your crush but of course, Peter, your big brother, has to find a way to annoy you about it.

Warnings : sister!reader, reader is 15 and Peter 17, reader's crush is gender neutral, reading someone's diary, fluff, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 816

French version

Prompt : “That’s not what you wrote in your diary...” from this prompts list made by @creativepromptsforwriting

‘Dear diary, 

I decided I’m going to muster up all my courage and ask Avery out tomorrow. I think they like me. At least, I like them a lot and they’re so beautiful !

A movie with their favourite actor, Margot Robbie, is coming out this week, it’s the perfect occasion to ask them on a date. I hope they’ll say yes. Maybe we’ll kiss during the movie ? Maybe we’ll even get together ! We’ll see. I have had a crush on Avery for two years now, it’s time to take it to the next level. Wish me luck.’

You close your diary with a silly smile. You hold your diary close to your chest, happy to have finally confessed to your greatest confidant what you’re about to do. You hid your diary in its usual place, under a pile of clothes you haven’t touched in years, before going to bed.

Just like you said in your diary, the day after, you look for Avery to ask them out. As you didn’t have any class together, you have to wait until the end of the day to talk to them. When you’re both finally alone, you start talking like you usually do, hoping it’ll help you calm down, even though your stress is still going up.

“By the way, I wanted to ask you.” You start anxiously. “I know you’re a big fan of Margot Robbie and her new movie coming out this friday.”

“Yes, I know ! I want to see it so badly.”

“Maybe we could go together.”

“Are you asking me out on a date ?” They ask you with a smile.

“What would you say if I said I am ?”

“I’d say yes without hesitation.”

“Then, yes, it’s a date.”

Avery is about to add something when you hear your brother, Peter, calling you so you both can go home. You sigh, frustrated before screaming at him you’re coming. You bid goodbye to Avery before running to your brother.

When you’re home, you go to your room, grab your diary and start writing. You describe your interaction with Avery but also your expectations and the outfit you think you’ll be wearing. You’ve never been into that much detail before. Obviously, your diary saw your feelings growing bigger and bigger but that day, you’re on cloud nine so you tell your notebook every information. You keep writing until Aunt May comes home.

Without waiting another second, you put your diary away before finding her in the entrance as she takes off her shoes. Just by seeing your smile, May understand that you're excited about something.

“What got you so worked up ? What happened at school that can make you that happy ?” She genuinely asks.

“I wanted to ask you if I could go to the cinema with Avery this Friday after school.”

“If it’s not too late, sure you can. But who is this Avery ? Do I know them ?”

“We have a few classes together. They’re very nice.” You assure her, trying to hide your huge smile.

“Oh, so it’s just a friend then ?”

“Yes, what else ?”

“That’s not what you wrote in your diary.” Peter intervenes with a mischievous smile. “If I remember correctly, you’ve been crushing on Avery for two years. You even think ‘they’re so beautiful’ and that you just ‘want to hold them in your arms every minute’”, he says, quoting several of your diary entries. “You even think you’ll kiss them during the movie.”

“That’s bullshit !” You defend yourself before realising what that means. “Wait, did you just say you read my diary ?”

“To be fair, you should find a better hiding spot than a pile of clothes.”

“I’m gonna destroy your legos, Peter.” You say calmly and Peter understands it’s over for him.

He doesn’t take the time to add something before running towards his bedroom. You run after him without waiting.

“Come back, you traitor ! I’m gonna kill you !”

“May, help me !” Peter begs, in panic while May sighs, desperate. 

“Peter, Y/N, stop it ! I don’t have the time to handle your fight.” May says without really trying to ease the tension. 

You frantically knock on Peter's bedroom door while you insult and threaten him. Peter uses his superhuman strength to be sure you won’t enter his room. After a few moments, he realises there’s no way he’s making out of it alive so he takes his bag with his suits in it before letting go of the door and leaving through the window. When you finally enter and you don’t find him, you scream of frustration. Though, your eyes find Peter’s last lego he built with Ned. You know it took them hours to do it. You have a devious smile on your face as you take the lego before going back into your room, waiting impatiently for the moment your brother will come back to make him pay.

Drabble Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (741): Thu 28th Mar 2024

I also realised that ten years ago today I left HMRC. At the time of my departure I would have called this my worst job ever but prior to this role I had only had one other job, working at the Glass Centre which was awesome so bestowing the distinction of "worst job ever on it" wasn't exactly harsh since it had to be the worst job by default. However I'm now at the stage where I've had six proper jobs (one temp job and one that I can't really call a job beca use I only worked there for ten days and fucked off without collecting my paycheck because it was so awful) so I can now start to rank all of them from best to worst. I don't think I would class HMRC as my worst job ever anymore because although it ended badly mainly due to them putting me on a stage two sickness warning even though the time between my two instances of sick leave was over a year, it did at least start out well when it was exclusively a data entry role. I think the dubious honor of my worst job ever would definitely be between Aldi and TSB now. Aldi was fucking awful mainly due to the stupid rules the enforced namely that I had to be clean shaven all the time and that they try to sabotage their shelf stacker employees by taking things off / adding things to the pallets they need to empty by the end of the shift and then quiz them to see if they spotted them all like a game from the fucking Krypton Factor. TSB on the other hand was especially painful because unlike HMRC which had a script for their employees to follow when talking to customers, TSB had no such thing they just gave you a four week crash course and then told you that you needed to remember the whole thing and not make any mistakes because three mistakes in the space of a month could lead to dismissal. Also they fucked me over by telling me that any overtime you did past five hours meant you would get paid double so naturally I worked overtime every day for the month of February and then on pay day was told that the double time thing wasn't true and I was just paid my normal wages. As bad as TSB was it was a blessing in disguise because it made me realise that I can not do jobs where I have to interact with customers and as such I've now landed a warehouse job where I'm mostly left alone. I suppose this means I should have a fraction of gratitude to TSB and this should edge Aldi just ahead of it in terms of worst jobs but it's still like trying to decide between diving into a swimming pool filled with horse piss or donkey piss. I can still remember the day I left HMRC like it was yesterday. Tragically I can't remember what my final call was about because I finished it at around ten minutes before the end of my shift and my manager just told me to turn off my computer and sit out the final ten minutes (presumably so I didn't abuse my final customer which I totally would have). I shook hands with all my team mates and after handing in my badge my manager escorted me out of the building and I made my way up the hill listening to The Prisoner by Iron Maiden and I was in such a good mood that I stopped off at the toy store to buy Lacey a new Toy Story racing car. I was so happy to be free of that place and optimistic for what the future would hold. I wonder if I could travel back in time to that date and tell past me what the future held would he be put off? If I told him he would end up on the dole for a year and a half before working a temp job for a campaign to get children off fatty food, then working a job in a supermarket that started at five AM and wouldn't let me have a beard before a six month stretch in another call centre would his spirits be as high as he walked up that hill? I suspect if I also told him that he would re-enter the catering industry for a great job in a cafe that would last five years and would allow him enough free time to go see all his favourite bands then he probably wouldn't regret his decision to leave.

[drea-exclusives]

Week 6 — Good Things Will Come

This week's entry was inspired by the endings in my life and how they've impacted me. Because of recent events, I've reflected on these moments from my past, and how I've faced and coped with saying goodbye to the things that hold significance in my life over the years. Hence, this is that story of my encounters.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

I've always struggled with endings. It's no shock considering how emotional of a person I am, but I've always found myself dealing with the impacts harder than those around me, as well as not being able to move on as quickly as others. There were times when people have asked me, "Why are you crying? It's not the end, we'll see each other again!" And I wouldn't know why I was crying either; it seemed like it wasn't that big of a deal to others, but I felt immense sadness about that period in my life coming to an end.

There were many instances I felt this way, some of which were self-explanatory, whereas others I felt like no one would be able to understand my perspective. From breakups to the end of primary school and high school, and most recently the end of foundation. Even if the experience I went through was more horrible than sweet, I still found myself grieving that phase. Moving on and accepting change was so difficult.

One of the most noteworthy experiences I had which changed my perspective was the transition from 2021 to 2023. After my mental health had suffered in 2021 due to the circumstances of the pandemic, 2022 turned out to be a really, really good (and mostly positive) year. I had such a good time making lots of incredible memories, so much so that bidding goodbye to the year was extremely difficult, especially since I knew that 2023 was going to be tough.

And indeed it was, I went through so many painful situations which challenged my persistence; so many times early in the year I wished I could just transport myself back to 2022. However, the year ended up being so much more than those moments of hardship. In fact, I got to meet so many friends from foundation who have such a special place in my heart, and go through the ups and downs of our first year in university together. It was then that I realised that saying goodbye to 2022 wasn't so bad, because although the good times had passed, there would always be more that would find me.

It was that realisation that had restored at least a little bit of my hope in life and gave me something to look forward to in the future. Knowing that there's no reason for me to be afraid or anxious about the good things in life; they will surely find me, and I am definitely deserving of it. Endings are inevitable and I will have to face them in order to grow and move ahead in life, but there will always be more friends to make, moments to experience, love to give and receive, and places to go. And with that, I feel a little more at ease and ready to tackle the changes in life. I hope to be able to embrace the journey that will lead me to wonderful things.

-

"Do not ask for something to be more than it can be right now. Instead, appreciate it for what it was, appreciate the lessons it grew within you, appreciate the beauty you were able to feel, and appreciate the fact that in those ways, in those memories, it will be yours forever." — a quote from my favourite author, Bianca Sparacino, that enabled me to cope with endings by remembering the good that was there throughout the journey, and recognising that those memories will forever be mine to keep.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

Song of the Week! Spring Day has always been a song of comfort for me, especially when going through changes in life. The song explores lots of emotions, including those experienced when missing someone dearly as well as the changing of the seasons. For me, it is a reminder of hope during transitions in my life, whether good or bad, that better things are approaching and to have just a little more patience.

[fancybelieverdinosaur]

Haha yeah we got a longer national selection process than the actual Eurovision. Like 5 weeks longer. But in a way when Melfest starts it's a sign spring is coming. Like first heat the sun sets around 1-2 pm and when it's time for the final the days are longer and the sun sets around 5-6 pm. Helps us get through the last part of a loooong cold dark winter.

Looks like the final will be a strong one this with the allegedly best songs from every heat and the ones that were decently strong made it to the semi. I think there are a few clear favourites to win but after Loreen's epic stage performance the others have a very tough task to outperform her. She's on a level of her own. Any of the strongest songs would've probably done well in Eurovision if they hadn't competed the same year.

Nothing is a done deal yet though and Sweden could decide to send someone else. If she won't win I'd like to see this rock band make it. We don't often send rock songs in comparison to Finland 😂 and this is the first time since 2013 a rock band has gone directly to the Melfest final. What do you as a rocker think about them?

Wow, I didnt know Smash Into Pieces was trying for Eurovisions🙌 I really like them. Rise up from them is a really good song. Their song is good. Visually amazing performance 🙌🤯 I really liked the style.

Of course I enjoy rock songs, but in a way my favorite songs in Eurovision are the ones that are really different from what you can listen to on the radio. Like Verka Serducka in 2007. It needs to be bit "crazy" if you know what I mean.

Also I love a good ballad. Molitva also from 2007 is one of my favorite entries in Eurovision history. I really liked Finland's entry in 2011 Paradise Oskar with Da Da Dam.

Actually I will list some of my favorites here:

Me and My Guitar - Tom Dice

Always - Aysel & Arash

We Could Be The Same - maNga

Hold Me - Farid Mammadov

Running - Kallay Saunders

Grande Amore - Il Volo

Dont Come Easy - Isaiah Firebrace

Dying to Try - Brendan Murray

Tout l' univers - Gjon's Tears

Breathlessly - Claudia Faniello

Oops... 🙌😅 So many more good songs, but these are just some of my favorites.

Also still mad that Blackbird by Norma John didnt reach to the finals.

Also fun thing about Eurovision Final is that its around my birthday😅 This year its on 13th of May and my birthday is 14th.

[joseline-woodhouse]

A couple of things, I'm starting with the disagreements:

I see that not all esc winners are flashy songs and audience's favourites, sweden winning is a prime example of this. However sweden really played into what the esc juries want to hear. A calm pop song with deep metaphors they believe to be new and a memorable performance to it. This is yet another thing we didn't serve at esc for years. Our 22 entry was a calm pop song, but it was nothing new in any way, which is obviously what happens if a bunch of +60 year olds make a last minute decision to find our original entry (electric callboy) too much to their personal disliking.

With several years in a row of the public votes favouring to beat, memorable and bold songs, I think it's a huge bargain to bet it's just a phase and the public votes actually prefer pop music songs at esc.

We need to distinguish between what the jury likes and what the audience likes. The jury as I said prefers low key creative ballads that don't dare much in terms of music and have themes of overcoming personal or problems of discrimination/war.

What the itally did 21, was to fully serve the audience's desire for something new and upbeat (huge fan myself btw).

What Ukraine did 22 was something you don't get often. They please the jury with lyrics about overcoming suffering and holding on to their mothers while being victims of a war. In terms of lyrics this was naturally big for the jury. At the same time the audience was pleased by a song that is upbeat, memorable and bold in choice of instrument as well as style.

The 22 entries?

Sweden with a song explicitly written to please the jury, Finland with one of the boldest acts esc has seen in a while and a unrivaled mood maker this year, so a true audience pleaser.

Germany?

We did a terrible choice and went the middle way. Those top points are what you want from jury or audience, we came in with an act that wasn't bold, so we don't displease the jury, that was still metal, so we don't bore the audience with something calm, that was not very brave with it's lyrics, so we don't displease the jury with something they can't play on a radio channel at all times. I could go on. By cutting out a bunch of things that could displease either side, we endet up pleasing neither.

Switzerland was more generic if you're thinking mainstream, but in terms of metal music blood and glitter was just as generic and Switzerland's entry was in terms of pop songs. If I had to guess why they got more points, it's because it's a song about overcoming war, while you need to search for meaning in ours. It was a pop song, so serving the jury. They probably didn't get more points because it sounded the same as nearly every Switzerland entry that came before.

What I agree with:

We need to change how we choose our entries. We need to stop judging our entries as if they exist in a bubble and start comparing us and ask ourselves "what can we do better than most others here, what could we double down on?" And than we need to prioritise how we want to please and especially who we want to please.

Here is Germanies biggest weakness in my opinion: Germans aren't daring. We are a nation of safe choices. Safe choices don't win. The jury is looking for something very specific we won't match, because we lack the experienced people who know the esc juries in and out. If we want public points, just look at Croatia! I loved it. Not even sure if it qualifies as a song, but it got a bunch of points by doing nothing except being bold.

We need to get our confidence back and I can see an entry written in our language helping with that. A band already popular here might help as well, but it needs to be one of the few artists that actually write their own songs. If we send one of our music industry mascots, we'll have the same people in charge of choosing the song that made us loose the past years.

I see potential as well, but it layes in trusting ourselves and not focusing on what we think will score but on what is wanted and what we are good at.

I would like to remind everyone actually reading this until the end, that my original point was that noone is withholding points from Germany out of supposed hatred, which seems to be a popular conspiracy theory on Tumblr amongst Germans right now

To my fellow Germans:

Please stop thinking that we loose at esc because people supposedly hate us.

Was our entry better than the last couple of years? Yes! It wasn't the most generic sh!t ever and our lead singer hit most of the keys he sang (all by what I noticed actually).

Was it a good entry? No! It was a sh!t esc entry. No front to the band, no front to the song, no front to the fans. Ask yourselves however: will you remember this song unprompted in a year or two? If you had heard this song for the first time and someone would have played this song to you and named you literally any other modern dark metal band as the creator, would you not have believed them?

The song is not catchy, the song is not innovative in any way, the lyrics aren't breathtaking and the chorus is straight out forgettable. I am not judging taste here, a couple of songs I like match that description. But how would anyone remember this song after listening to 25 other songs, with quite a bit of them being quite memorable?

We need to stop half a$$ing the decision who's representing us with what song and start comparing us with the other competitors.

Different point:

It's really dumb to keep thinking its because people supposedly hate us when Israel, one of the most hated countries in the world keeps performing so much better than we do in both jury and public votings.

You know what people really hate? Sore losers, and we've really been acting like the person who didn't practice for something and than complains that everyone just sucks when we end up predictably failing.

I do think Lord of the Lost are a nice bunch of people from what I know, I get why people like their song and while I wouldn't rate their song S-Tier metal, I don't think it's bad. But it's not for Eurovision.