#Scared Of Heights
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Day One DP/DC WEEk
Danny was many things, but he wasn’t a liar.
That much
He did do it if he had to, but that was beside the point. It didn’t matter.
Others couldn't control him.
But the fact still remained.
Batman was standing over him, declaring that Danny was a liar. A big fat liar.
Nu huh, lairs go to a bad place. Danny wasn’t a liar. He may be dead but he wasn’t a liar. That would be rather rude to call all ghosts liars.
And batman was a total jerk. Calling a kid a liar.
“I am not a liar.” Danny declared, definitely not pouting, pointing his finger at Batman. He had no idea why he was acting so childish yet here he was. A 14-year-old boy yelling at batman for accusing him of being a liar. That should be illegal. Batman was supposed to follow the law…
Actually, Danny was 80% sure that batman didn’t actually follow the law.
Wait no make that 90%. Maybe that’s why Jazz said he was a terrible influence. That certainly would be the case.
Danny wouldn’t let Jazz know, he found Batman awesome. Even though the bat-themed vigilante was moving a little too close for comfort.
“I never said you were a liar,” Batman said, his voice soft as if trying to calm a frightened animal.
“But you made the sound,” Danny said, his hair falling into his eyes as the wind stopped blowing for a moment. It picked up again, revealing his icy blue eyes once again.
“A sound?” Batman, stopped moving closer, standing there instead trying to figure out what sound he made.
“Yeah, the little hm slash grunt sound that parents usually do when they don’t believe their kids…except I only hear it from Jazz.” Danny muttered that last part under his breath but he saw Batman stiffen. Did Danny say it too loudly? He shrugged it off, Batman had no need to be concerned for his home life. As Danny doesn’t have one anymore. Due to the whole being dead thing.
Danny tensed, sensing movement behind him, and he whirled, his fists clenched and ready to punch. Instead, he gaped, eyes wide as they landed on the glint of a red helmet. That wasn’t good.
Danny wanted to scream, first off, yes he did want to meet the vigilantes, but not like this! In the middle of winter on top of an apartment building. This wasn’t going that well.
Red hood, took a step forward as Danny moved away from both the vigilantes, slowly moving him closer to the edge of the building, it was the closest he had to an escape and it seemed that he wasn’t Red Hood’s focus at the time. Danny couldn’t help but curse as his foot touched the edge of the roof, if he fell off, he’d either die or reveal his powers.
Even if he did die, it wouldn’t last for long. Death never seemed to stick onto him as it does to others, hugging tightly like super glue. But for him, it just melted off, like when you put glue underwater and it just kind of sludged off into the sink in little clumps and you’d watch it fall down the drain. Remnants would remain but they didn’t have the same effect anymore.
Danny shivered slightly, despite the fact that there was no breeze. There wasn’t even a real chill in the air, ignoring the fact that there was a pile of snow next to him, Danny believe it was cold. Trust him, Danny knows chills and this was one he was familiar with. His eyes narrowed as they landed on the Red Hood, who was now in an argument with batman.
When did that happen? He didn’t even hear them start to argue. Stupid enhanced hearing deciding not to work.
Danny shrugged, he couldn’t let this bother him. After all, they were distracted. Might as well take his chance to leave. If he slipped up, he probably wouldn’t get another chance to escape.
That’s exactly what he did
Or at least tried to.
“Kid!” Red Hood’s modulated voice cut through the air.
Danny flinched as his foot stepped over the side. Red Hood wasn’t supposed to glance over at the moment, Danny was going to jump off and fly away to safety. They’d never know that he flew off. It would be a peaceful disappearance where he would leave the city and never return.
Instead, he stumbled off the building, glaring at Red Hood before he fell. His body landed hard into something squishy.
And something that stang.
Danny sat up, trying his best to ignore the tangent smell as the thing he was laying on squished and sloshed under his movement. Some slimy liquid rolled out, coating his fingers causing him to rip his hand up.
Of course.
Stupid Fenton luck. Threw Danny into a dumpster. A very smelly dumpster
He probably had a banana peel in his hair.
He would stink for days!
Maybe even longer, Danny didn’t really have a place to shower. Hey maybe the smell would make people leave him alone… not likely, seeing as how Red Hood and Batman were both staring down at him.
He gripped the metal edge of the dumpster and hauled himself out. Glancing upward to see the vigilantes grappling down the building. He didn’t have much time to get out of there. Danny would take what he could get.
Danny should have run. Should have bolted the second he got out of the dumpster.
Instead, he decided, to make a face at Batman, sticking his tongue out and flipping the Bat off.
Jazz would smack him for that move, but she wasn’t here to do that. Danny could only enjoy his gesture for a little bit before turning around to run.
Only to fall back a little bit as he ran into a wall that wasn’t there before. His eyes slowly moved up and Danny could only groan.
“Is everybody in this city like a brick wall?” He exclaimed watching as an amused look appeared on Nightwings face.
“I mean.”
“You don’t even have the tank build like Batsy and Hood. You're too lean to feel like a brick wall!” Danny pointed a finger at Nightwing, his other hand going up to his hair to remove the banana peel slowly sliding off of his head. In a spurt of anger, he tossed to peel, losing that satisfaction as Nightwing caught the peel and tossed it back into the dumpster.
Well, a banana peel wasn’t all that threatening was it?
“What did I do to deserve all this attention?” Danny asked taking a step back as Batman and Red Hood moved closer. “I really don’t know what I did. Uh, I plead the fifth.”
“You didn’t do anything.” Batman sighed, taking another step forward.
Danny glanced around as Red Hood spoke up. “You can’t plead the fifth unless you did something.”
“Oh sweet, why are you terrorizing me then? I was having a great nap, and then bam the bat came out of nowhere. Not cool at all cause I desperately need the sleep.”
“You were sleeping in a factory.” Batman moved again, causing Danny to take another step back, he’d like to keep as much distance between himself and the bats as he can.
“The location doesn’t matter Batsy. What matters was I didn’t have any nightmares, it was a peaceful sleep, despite how hard the floor is.”
“Do you usually have nightmares?” Batman asked head tilting, Danny blinked.
“Did I say nightmares?” Danny squeaked slightly, his back hitting the wall. Great, he was cornered. He knew he could take down the heroes. Or at least escape them. But he didn’t want them to be suspicious.
It seemed most likely they wanted to throw him into foster care or send him back home to his parents.
“Yes, you did,” Nightwing spoke up this time, eyeing Danny with concern.
Actually, Danny wasn’t sure what it was, with the whole being unable to see his eyes thing. But that was chill. Danny didn’t need to deal with it. Most people didn’t look at him with concern anymore.
“Ohh! You mean the typical falling nightmare. Yeah, I’m terrified of heights.” Danny nodded, yeah, that made perfect sense.
“You’re terrified of heights?” Red hood asked. “You just fell off a building, without screaming.”
“Yeah, I was so scared I couldn’t even make a sound. Terrifying.” Danny latched onto this lie like it was a lifeline. Maybe it was. It didn’t really matter. He could make up lies all day.
Oh, wait.
That just proved to Batman that he was a liar.
“Can I go now?” Danny asked, side-eying the space between Red hood and the dumpster. If he found a distraction, Danny could book it. Take down the street and disappear�� He’d leave Gotham and never return. Ha! The perfect plan!
…
Now just execute it. Danny could figure it out. He knew he could.
Uhh
He just needed something to throw.
Or maybe something could explode. Danny never wished so hard for a villain to show up. Something anything to take the Bats attention off of him.
Danny blinked as he spotted something by the dumpster, not too far from him.
It was a
A shoe…
Danny blinked that was his shoe. He almost laughed. His shoe fell off and he didn’t even notice. Wow, Danny was really out of it today. Chuckling softly he moved towards it, watching as Red hood tensed as if to stop the kid, only to visibly relax when Danny picked up the shoe. Danny bit back another laugh, were they really that worried about Danny running off?
He did want to and he was about to. So guess they did have every right to worry about him disappearing.
This was perfect.
“Hey, Hood?” Danny asked looking at Red hood, a mischievous grin appearing on the boy's face. “What size shoe are you?”
“Wha-” Red Hood started only to stumble backward as a shoe slammed into his helmet with surprising strength and speed. He was almost positive that if he wasn’t wearing the helmet his nose would be broken.
A body side-slammed him, causing him to stumble even more as the kid raced down the alleyway. How the hell is a kid that skinny that strong?!
“I’m not going back to school” Was the last thing the kid said before turning sharply down the street and disappearing from view.
Danny laughed as he skidded across the ground. Yeah, he guess he lied earlier about it not being chilly too. Cause it was winter, and Danny’s barefoot was feeling quite numb after stepping into a few piles of snow. But ay what could he do? Just sit around and let the Bats return him to Jack and Maddie? Maddie and Jack?
No, Danny refused to go back to Amity.
He wasn’t actually entirely sure which way was back. Left or right?
Up or down
East or west
North or the south?
It could be anyone and Danny wasn’t sure at all. I mean who could be after running into bats after living in Gotham for about a month? Guess some people would say that was lucky. But Danny knew that it wasn’t. The bats usually only came after criminals
Did that mean they thought of Danny as a criminal?
Noooo
Danny wasn’t a criminal. He was just lost.
Well not exactly lost.
He just ran away. Danny was perfectly fine.
And he most definitely couldn’t go back to that factory.
Which totally sucked because Danny left everything there. His money, spare clothes, phone, thermos.
Dang it
Danny was so going to die on the streets
Unless he started stealing
Which would make him a criminal
And amplify his lying.
Danny hated this.
He hated it so much.
Stupid batman and his all trying to help Danny. Danny didn’t need any help, he did great at messing things up by himself.
It didn’t seem to matter to the Bats that they totally ruined his life just by showing up! Danny loved his life.
Well not really but hey he wasn’t dead!
Not all the way…
Or on a metal table getting cut open like thanksgiving dinner.
Danny didn’t think he would taste that good.
Not at all. Anyone who thought half-dead boys tasted any good is crazy
There sure were a lot of psychos in Gotham who weren’t there.
Was Danny going to end up as Thanksgiving dinner?
That would suck.
Behind him, he could hear Hood yell. The words caused him to laugh.
“The kid threw his shoe at me!”
“Hood,” Batman grunted shooting his grappling hook and shooting down the alley.
“Right.” Hood slowly nodded, tucking the shoe into his jack. Hey, the kid might get cold feet and want his shoe back. “Have a traumatized kid to track and possibly adopt.”
He couldn’t help the smirk that appeared on his face as Batman slightly stuttered with his next grapple. Man, he loved it when the comms picked up things like that. Throwing off the old man was one of his favorite past times.
Bruce sighed as he sat down in the chair, rubbing his temple as he tried to figure out how hell the kid got past them.
Yes, he managed to distract his way out by throwing a shoe.
A shoe of all things is what got the kid out of their sights.
Bruce glanced back as he watched Dick pace back and forth, muttering to himself about how a kid managed to just disappear and how he didn’t have anything with him. “The kids going to freeze, did you see what he was wearing?!” He asked turning sharply and facing Jason who was examining the shoe once again as if it held all the answers.
“A T-shirt and jeans,” Jason said offhandedly.
“Yes! That’s not winter wear and he’s missing a shoe now.” He pointed at Jason, face in a mix of anger and annoyance. “Couldn’t you have left it behind, the kid could have gone back for it.”
“Yeah, like he’ll go back for his bag?” Jason asked, his statement made. They all knew the kid wouldn’t go back for the stuff he left at the warehouse.
The kid clearly didn’t want to be found and ran as soon as the bats arrived. Still managing to escape when he was cornered.
His clothes were thin yet hanging off the boy as if he had no fat on his bones. Jason doubted he did, as he could basically see the kid's cheekbones from how sullen his face was. He highly doubted the boy ate anything that day.
So help him, if Jason ever found the kid, he would wrap him up in the fluffiest blanket, set him down in front of a fire, and never him let out of his sight. He couldn’t leave him out there to starve. No way.
He had a feeling none of the other bats would want that either.
Danny sat on the top of the clock tower, his feet swinging over the edge as he watched the cars below. He had grown to love the city. Despite the amount of tension, he felt from it. The amount of death leaking from the city was unsettling, but Danny has gotten used to it.
When he first arrived, it took all his strength not to run in the other direction. He always got a wave of nausea when someone died. So he was constantly sick. People would walk past him vomiting on the street. Some tried to take what little he had when he did that.
He was pretty sure they might have lost their toes from the frozen feet he did. A small price to pay for trying to steal from someone vomiting their guts out.
Danny wondered if that’s how the Bats found him. He highly doubted they just stumbled across a starving child within the factory. Maybe Batman was hunting down some goons and found Danny instead.
“Shit. Am I a full-blown criminal now? Is running from batman, considered running from the law?”
“Nah.”
Danny didn’t scream. He didn’t. He simply gasped. He was startled. He didn’t scream.
“Batman doesn’t follow the law, have you seen how fast he drives the batmobile?” Hood asked sitting down next to Danny, a bag of food set between them. Danny could see the grease stains as he read out the words. BatBurger. “I figured you were hungry.” Hood said after a moment of silence. “ And to return your shoe.”
“Oh.” Danny slowly reached for the sneaker, pulling it onto his numb feet. When he looked back up, Hood was holding out a burger to him.
“I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I got a lot. Take your pick.”
Danny slowly reached for the burger. Surely Hood had no reason to position him. What would get Hood anyway from killing him? Danny doubted the poison would actually affect him. Most don’t
“So why are you up here, if you’re terrified of heights?” Hood asked as they snacked on their burgers.
“I’m facing my fears.”
#DP/DC WEEK 2022#dp/dc week 2022#dp/dc#dc x dp#dp x dc crossover#danny phantom and batman#Yay for lying#Scared of heights#One shot
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Uggghhh on the plane. I hate flying, I know too many pilots to feel comfortable.
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Eurovision 2024: #29
29. ICELAND Hera Björk - "Scared of heights" 37th place
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Decade Ranking: 110/153 [Above ReDDI, below Tix]
That awkward moment you're halfway through the next update and realize you skipped over someone. 😬
Sadly, I did NOT feel it coming. 😔 Iceland is another one of those cases of "I probably could have liked them, if not for a few detrimental flaws." I mean it's Hera Björk with wine mom disco. There are worse things in life.
Unfortunately Hera suffered from not only her dated song being completely outclassed by everyone in the first semi (bad enough by itself), but also by *other* mom disco anthems from previous years and nfs, including Heaven's not that far tonight, High Heels in the Neighbourhood (lmfao) and Hera's own 2010 song. "Scared of Heights" is not an unpleasant song to listen to, but that's about as baseline as the genre gets, rly.
Combine that song with a lifeless act forever stuck with no movement and a bunch of wideshots at key moments (how did they make it look WORSE compared to SVK's already lowbudget affair?), like yeah, we know where this is headed. It's the "Unstoppable Object Collides Into An Unmovable Wall" of hopeless last placers. There's nothing that Hera could have done to avoid a red lantern, not with that song and that act working so hard to undermine her efforts.
I do have a bit of sympathy for her though. Even a suboptimal Hera Björk is still Hera fucking Björk (vocally excellent and decently charming) , and the bullshit she had to endure simply to be allowed to sing at the Tuesday show was uncalled for.
After SVK's... darksided results - which Hera won because the Anti-Pro-Palestine Icelanders thought SHE had the best chance of beating Bashar although (1) have you seen Bashar perform? Man cannot serve for his life (2) um, Sigga was right there (3) Hera's song was co-written by a Palestinian? (leave it to the Israel sympathisers to be misinformed, incoherent and smugly incorrect - defo, abso looking at YOU, J*n B*rs.) (4) GO TIFFANY!!!! INTO THE ATMOSPHERE!!! - she then had to negotiate with RÚV in order to go to Malmö (although she WON the SELECTION!!) . This as per the rules Iceland had established for SVK2024. RUV's weird decision to play for the moral high ground, but only partially. Like dudes, if you're going to be antsy about Israel being there, then don't hold SVK? and if you do hold, don't be like "WELL WE MIGHT JUST WD ANYWAY [if the wrong person [anyone but Bashar] wins]" like fuck off? Either you make a statement by INTERNALLY picking Bashar, or you don't make one at all by not including him in SVK. Pick a fucking lane.
Once she arrived in Sweden, well... Remove Iceland from this year and everything that went down still goes down in the precisely the same fashion, with the exact same placements for everyone else. The only true difference is that KAN have one fewer delegation to target with passive aggression. Whether Hera went to Eurovision or not made no difference to the contest itself which is some exponential level of irrelevance that she does not deserve to have attached to her legacy.
So all-in-all, a sour return for Hera, but the one Iceland deserved after they trashed their EXCELLENT national final for the sake of questionable priorities, and then picked the INCORRECT winner to boot ("Wild West" wasn't fantastic and (thankfully) wouldn't have won ESC, but it is a much better song than "Scared of Heights" was. ) The Icelandic shitshow was a prélude to what was to follow in Malmö. Events which, just like Hera's participation in this year, probably should have been avoided by competent leadership.
THE RANKING
#eurovision#eurovision song contest#borisbubbles#esc#Eurovision 2024#ESC 2024#Malmö 2024#Iceland#Hera Björk#Scared of Heights#Youtube
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8)Iceland-Hera Björk-Scared of Heights.
Not bad dance song. Hera was a little nervous, but she did a great work. You can listen this, where you have journey on a car. I give 7 points from 12.
The perfomance from first semifinal.
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Iceland's song not bad either 🇮🇸
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HOW DO THEY GET BACK DOWN????
Nope, nope, nope, hell to the fucking no.
#heights#scared of heights#stairway to heaven#death stairs#it's not the fall that kills you#it's hitting the ground#nope#nope nope nope#fucking no#Youtube
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Thirty Seven Little Films - Iceland
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Scared of Heights - Hera Bjork
Selection method: National final Has it been heard live? Yes Semi final # 1 Drawn: 8th
The thing that saves this song from being a disaster is Hera Bjork's ability to sing well, and a banging good outfit. The less said about the rest, the better.
#esc#eurovision#sweden#malmo#2024#hera bjork#scared of heights#thirty seven little films 2024#Youtube
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Iceland Has Decided!
Well, well, well. We've made it to the second to last selection weekend! We have Portugal and Sweden wrapping up next week, and a little later, I will be writing about the song Serbia chooses. But now, we have Iceland as they had Söngvakeppnin occur, and now, we have a winner!
Iceland is sending..."Scared of Heights" by Hera Björk!
WHAT? That was one of my favorites! I'm super excited for this entry (I've heard the Icelandic version and have yet to hear the English version that Hera will be sending to Eurovision). Especially since I think Hera is one of the returning artists that fans have wanted to see make a return! So now we have that.
Congratulations and Welcome Back, Hera! I can't wait to see this performance in May!
#eurovision song contest#esc#eurovision#esc2024#eurovision 2024#national final#iceland#hera björk#scared of heights#söngvakeppnin#söngvakeppnin 2024
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No I DONT want the high top 😡
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Eurovision 2024 - Meet the Malmö Participants
🇮🇸 Iceland - Hers Björk - "Scared of Heights"
The Queen is back!
Hera Björk captured the international spotlight when she represented Iceland at the Eurovision Song Contest 2010 with her hit song Je Ne Sais Quoi.
But this diva’s presence has been felt across the Euro-verse since the 2008 Contest, when she provided backing vocals for Iceland’s participant Euroband, before competing in Denmark's Melodi Grand Prix a year later.
Her talents have shone brightly in various competitions and events, including her celebrated anthem Feel the Love Tonight for LGBTQ+ pride events in 2011, her triumphant victory with Because We Can at Viña del Mar festival in 2013, and her emotionally charged rendition of Moving On in the Songvakeppnin final in 2019.
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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Funny pressure test on site! Fear of heights cannot stop us jump down this thing!
#youtube#modular tank#water tank#rainwater collection#rainwater harvesting#rainwater harvesting system#jumpdown#pressure test#compression test#fear of heights#scared of heights#climate friendly#environmentallyfriendly#water storage#rainwater#on site#construction site#construction materials
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Just two idiots who don't know what to do with their hands during a smooch :]
#dca community#dca older sibling au#fnaf dca older sibling! au#dca au#fnaf dca#dca fanart#dca x reader#dca fandom#moon x y/n#fnaf moon x y/n#fnaf moon x reader#moon x reader#moon sb#moon fanart#fnaf moondrop x y/n#moondrop x y/n#moondrop fanart#moondrop#moondrop x reader#guys I haven't kissed my boyfriend yet and I'm scared my posture is gonna be like one of these two#I'M NOT GOING TO GOOGLE KISSING POSTURES BECAUSE I GET FLUSTERED WHEN I SEE PEOPLE KISS#LIKE-- EVEN DURING MOVIES I JUST COVER MY FACE LIKE “OH MYYY”#BUT- I LIKE DOODLING YN SMOOCH THE DCA?#their HEIGHTS ARE INACCURATE BUT THAT'S OKAY IT'S JUST A DOODLE#my art#hierba art
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okay but jean having a breakdown post tsc 2 interview and all three of his love interests rushing to him to console him in various ways and it overwhelms him so much he ends up leaving them behind to sit next to neil instead
#no better consolation than a man who will literally tell u how likely a plane crash is when he finds out you're scared of heights#but no neil is so gentle w jean in such a#(vague satisfied noises)#way#im imagining jean super flustered like he was panicking a second ago and then three very beautiful people were like hey omg are you okay??#do you want us to hold you?#and he was like hhhhhhhhh where is the loser who was meant to be by my side forever and ever i need to find him actually#aftg#neil josten#jean moreau#jeaneil friendship save me
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Hera Bjork
Iceland
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Hellen, how do you know how to do so many things? I know how to do a few things but I look at your stuff and every time I'm like "damn. I wish I could do that"
oh, I just do them.
It's after 1:30 am, so you get the existential answer. The fun thing about personhood is you get to just be whatever. You can't necessarily do whatever--money and laws are things, unfortunately, and you only get so much control over the opportunities available to you. But you can sort of just throw yourself down on the anvil of life and hammer yourself into whatever shape you want. Ideally the process of it drives out some flaws as you go, but sometimes also you take an impurity and make yourself stronger with it.
I am, still, a person who is terrified of failure; of incorrectness; of being wrong. And there is nothing to do with fear except shatter it with blunt force, and so I line myself up against failure again and again and again. I will try. I must; or the fear of failure wins, and I must keep trying after I fail or I have failed utterly. I fear failure, and therefore I take it as a challenge. I must do what I think I cannot. And you know what? More often than not, I can.
I have a weird and wandering skillset because I make myself try things, knowing full well that I will remember for decades every time someone saw me be less than instantly successful, because the only way I know to get better is to batter down the dross of my own fear. That's the deal. I'm not doing anything that nobody has done before. I know it's all possible. I just have to be the sort of person that does it. And it gets easier every time. If the question is can it be done and the answer is yes, then the next question is can I be the one to do it, and the answer is I want to be.
Every time I fail my way over and over to eventual success, trying again the next time is less scary; every time I have a broader base of skills to carry to the next challenge. I'm not unusually talented, just stubborn as hell, and I've lived long enough on I have to do what scares me that honestly, not that much scares me anymore.
If you keep failing long enough, it turns out that you just get really good at problem solving, and figuring out unconventional ways to reach your goals. It's not about a special secret concoction of skills, it's about persistence, and hammering away until you've taken a mess and made it into something you think is worth keeping. It's not easy, but it is simple.
Also I have incredibly strong unmedicated ADHD. But I sort of assume that's glaringly obvious.
#Also. If I'm being honest. I tend to operate on instinct and while my instincts arent BAD they are definitely weird.#there has been a lot of no-hesitation I should do this...#in my life#and its resulted in a kind of eclectic skillset#rejection sensitive dysphoria my ancient foe#my narrative foil....#on the same topic i have a strong fear of heights and as a result I spent years doing theatrical rigging because it forced me to get good#at working at height#mostly bc i was personally offended by the idea i may have a quote unquote weakness#so now im scared but functional#the artistic philosophy of put your shoulder down and press on#"
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