#Save Marriage Islam Questions

[papirouge]

I have an unpopular christian opinion but idk if it’s really that unpopular but here it goes - fundamental christians aren’t christ like and I suspect many don’t really have a solid relationship with god. I’m from USA and when I say fundie I mean the Duggar types. If anyone isn’t familiar with duggars, they are a very strict family of christians but usually these types of families like to ignore actual issues in the family for the sake of appearances. In this case, it was sexual abuse by the older brother towards his own sisters. The oldest brother was caught by the fbi for having one of, if not, the WORST child p0rn ever produced on his laptop. Even the investigators were so disturbed by it they needed a break. The brother felt no remorse and expected forgiveness despite being a literal pedophile. He was sentenced and jailed, and yet I’ve seen radical christians online (like that Lori Alexander for example)call for his release and lessen his crimes as being “foolish” but “Christ forgives all” but will continue to say how children need to be protected. but I guess when the predator is one of their own, they want to ignore that. His own wife is standing by him despite having children… to forgo your own children’s safety for the sake of keeping a rotten marriage to a pedophile that got pleasure from seeing babies be tortured is not christ-like or even biblical. What the fuck is wrong with them

I've said it and I'll say it again : US Christians are the weakest link of the body of Christ.

It's crazy how worldwide Christiandom will collectively agree on things (such as refusing violence) but somehow US evangelicals act like snowflakes that can't be reasoned while pretending they are the ones to get it right.

I've watched countless of videos/testimony of Christians across the world. Sometimes, they came from places where Christianity was illegal. They had to deal with the most awful treatment, and sometimes torture or death. And what always struck is that while they NEVER retaliated with violence (because they were authentically saved) crazy/supernatural things happened to them to protect them from their oppressor.

I'm thinking about that new convert from middle east that was sequestered & chained by his own father, and when his father decided to finally kill him there's been a blinding light, his chains were gone and he could escape (it reminded me of Paul & Silas in prison).

Or that (indian or Pakistani) new convert girl who was arrested with her (illegal) church by the Islamic authorities, they killed a bunch of them (martyrs) and that she heard an angel tell her how to escape.

Or that Nigerian man screaming "the blood of Jesus" while being hunted by militias with guns, that managed to escape thanks to some divine intervention.

Or a woman in Africa who was being sexually assaulted and by the testimony one of the men who tried to assault her (and later repented), her dress turned "metal like"(???) and they were unable to undress her, saving her from rape.

And I heard of countless of stories like that..

BECAUSE God PROTECTS His children.

And if God decides to let you die by the hand of the unrighteous that's ALSO His will and we have to humbly accept it. A question that so many pro gun/pro violent retaliation Christians NEVER managed to answer is : Stephen and John the Baptist died as martyr without defending themselves. Countless of Christians of the early church died at the hand of roman authorities oppressing/torturing/killing them for their faith. They still didn't violently resist. WHAT MAKES YOU BELIEVE YOU'RE SPECIAL AND THAT *YOU* SHOULD DEFEND YOURSELF? It's always cricket after that.

Or their hypocrisy of seething against this fallen world while being willing to disobey God to keep.... living down there?? Real Christian grasp that death is actually a deliverance. Why do you think Paul longed for death?

I think that's what so many USAmericans have such a hard time to understand : they come from such a barbaric dominative culture that constantly overpowered others with its violence they cannot accept the vulnerability that Christianity encompasses.

Yes, we may die by the sword of our ennemies. That's what God expects from us. Trying to argue over it shows that not only they do NOT understand the message of Christ, but also that they are not as fearful of God as they pretend because you do NOT argue the orders of someone you fear.

[girlactionfigure]

*ISRAEL REALTIME* - "Connecting the World to Israel in Realtime"

🔹Rockets from Gaza… short range, 1 round, near-Gaza town.

▪️GUNS IN INCUBATORS… not in the baby basket, pistols in the heating element controls.  Essential medical equipment.  Found in a Gaza hospital.

▪️HERO SOLDIERS FALL… 3 fall, one killed in a Lebanon border suicide drone attack, two in Gaza fighting.

▪️PM NETANYAHU… Netanyahu on the question of why he did not cancel the Oslo Accords: 30 years you accused me of preventing a Palestinian state, now you accuse me of not?

▪️RETURN TO NEAR-GAZA TOWNS?  Defense Minister Gallant: The evacuees of the south will soon begin to be returned to their homes.  Heads of Near-Gaza towns:  "We will not return until the threat is removed."  ME: Rockets this morning at near-Gaza town (and literally daily, multiple times a day).  These are the towns being considered: Zikim, Karmia, Yad Mordechai, Erez, Nir Am, Kfar Gaza, Alumim, Bari, Magen and Nir Yitzhak.    The heads of the towns are furious about the intention to return residents soon because the threat has not been removed, they have not yet restored security or created new security protections, nor provided any funding for recovery or safety! 

▪️AMIT SEGAL, CH. 12, FOR THOSE PROTESTING AND DISTRAUGHT HOSTAGE FAMILIES… a message from the facts department:

* The kidnapping deal was a major Israeli achievement. The negligible payment in released terrorists (only 3:1) shows how much the military pressure had an effect.

* No one in the cabinet blocked the deal.

* There is no realistic offer on the table.

* It is possible that "there is no victory without the return of the hostages” but it is clear that the return of the hostages in itself does not constitute a victory, merely a reduction of a humiliating defeat.

* Victory will be the eradication of the Hamas murder organization's ability to launch rockets and carry out murderous campaigns within our borders, and then when we have returned our hostages. It would be a sad victory without parades and fireworks, but without it our lives here would be hell.

(( He writes “lives here would be hell”… too mild.  Nobody will voluntarily live near the Gaza border nor near the Lebanon border if Israel doesn’t have a strong victory and major deference.  Or in other words, 30% of the country becomes uninhabitable. ))

▪️HAMAS SAYS… Senior Hamas official Osama Hamdan, last evening:  There is no prisoner exchange deal before the ceasefire and acceptance of the "resistance" conditions.  The senior official of Islamic Jihad, Ali Abu Shaheen:  We are ready for a prisoner exchange deal only after a ceasefire and we stand by this condition.

▪️GOOD DOGGY… IDF publishes video of IDF K-9 identifying an explosive device and saving soldiers from an IED attack in the Gaza Strip, causing a storm and outrage among Muslims on social media.  Why?  The doggie’s name is Aisha, a name of one of their prophet’s wives.  Wikipedia “A preponderance of classical sources converge on the prophet’s wife Aisha being 6 or 7 years old at the time of her marriage, and 9 at the consummation.”  

▪️JUDEA-SAMARIA NIGHTLY ANTI-TERROR ACTIVITY CONTINUES… Drone strike against terrorist squads in the Noor al-Shams camp in Tulkarm, after which they fired at our forces and threw explosives. According to reports, several wanted terrorists were killed or wounded.

[lifeofresulullah]

The Life of The Prophet Muhammad: The Battle of Uhud and Afterwards

The Prophet Marries Hazrat Juwayriyah

Hazrat Juwayriyah was the daughter of Harith b. Abi Dirar, the leader of the Sons of Mustaliq tribe. She was one of the captives of the Expedition of Muraysi. Her husband, Musafi b. Safwan, was one of the most ferocious enemies of the Prophet. When he was killed during the battle, Juwayriyah was widowed.

When the captives were distributed among the mujahids, Juwayriyah was given to Thabit b. Qays and his cousin.

Juwayriyah made an agreement with Thabit b. Qays to be left free. If she paid the ransom that was determined, she would be released. However, she could not afford it. Therefore, she applied to the Prophet and asked his help to pay for her ransom.

The Messenger of God said to her, “Is there not anything better than that for you?”

Juwayriyah, who was asked such an unexpected question, was surprised. What could be better than having her freedom and returning to her parents and country?

After a momentary hesitation, she said, “O Messenger of God! What is better than my freedom?”

The Prophet said, “Freeing you by paying your ransom and accepting you as my wife.”

Juwayriyah was astonished. She would be released and would attain such a great honor. For a moment, she began to think. She remembered her dream a few days before they came to the land of the Prophet. The moon had entered her dress by virtually walking from Madinah. After a momentary surprise, she became very happy. She answered the offer of the Prophet as follows:

“O Messenger of God! If you grant me this honor, there cannot be anything better than it.”

Harith b. Abi Dirar Becomes a Muslim

Harith b. Abi Dirar, Juwayriyah’s father, had set off toward Madinah with camels in order to save his daughter. When he reached the valley of Aqiq, he looked at his camels. He could not want to give two of them; so he hid them in a secluded place in the valley between two mountains. Then, he went to the presence of the Prophet. He said,

“O Muhammad! You held my daughter captive. These camels are her ransom.”

The Messenger of God said, “Why did you not bring the two camels you hid in Aqiq between two mountains?”

Harith was astonished. Nobody knew that he had hid his camels there. It was senseless to wait any longer. He immediately said, “I witness that there is no god but Allah; you are definitely the Messenger of God! I swear by God that nobody but God knew what I had done.” He embraced Islam together with his two sons and the people of his tribe that were together with him there.

The Prophet Pays the Ransom for Juwayriyah

The Messenger of God sent somebody to Thabit b. Qays and explained him the situation. He wanted Juwayriyah from him. Thabit b. Qays said, without hesitation, “May my father and mother be sacrificed for you O Messenger of God! I gave her to you”

The Messenger of God paid the ransom for Juwayriyah and surrendered her to her father.

Juwayriyah Marries the Prophet

The Prophet asked Juwayriyah’s father, Harith b. Dirar, to give Juwayriyah, who became a Muslim, to him as his wife. Harith agreed.

The Prophet gave four hundred dirhams as mahr and married Juwayriyah.[6]

When the Companions saw that the Prophet married Juwayriyah, they freed all of the slaves by saying, “The relatives of the wife of the Prophet should not be kept as slaves.” There were one hundred women among those captives.

Therefore, Hazrat Aisha said,

“I have never known any woman better and holier than Juwayriyah for her tribe.”

Indeed, Juwayriyah was a very fortunate woman. She was a captive but in one day, she became the wife of the Prophet and saved the captives of her tribe.

Many people from Sons of Mustaliq who heard that the Prophet accepted Juwayriyah as his wife were very impressed by his courage and generosity; they went to Madinah and embraced Islam.

There were many reasons behind the marriages of the Prophet. In this marriage, there was a social reason. It was to make hearts love him and Islam, to bring tribes together as relatives and to make them help him and Islam. As it is known, when a person marries someone from a tribe, a relationship between that person and that tribe occurs; naturally, this makes them help that person.  

Thus, that was the aim of the Messenger of God in marrying Juwayriyah. As it is seen, he succeeded in it.

The Real Name of Juwayriyah

The real name of Juwayriyah was “Barra”. The Messenger of God did not like that name and changed it with Juwayriyah, which means a small woman.

Juwayriyah had endless taqwa (fear of God). He treated the poor and the needy compassionately and mercifully. She did not eat or drink but fed others.

Once the Messenger of God went to her room and asked, “Is there anything to eat?”

Juwayriyah said, “No O Messenger of God! There is nothing to eat with me. There was only a sheep bone; I gave it to our woman slave.”

Juwayriyah died in the 57th year of the Migration. She was buried in the Cemetery of Baqi.

[legacyofhistory]

Rani Padmini Queen Consort of Mewar

Padmini, also known as Padmavati, was a 13th–14th century Rani (queen) of the Mewar kingdom of present-day India. Several medieval texts mention her, although these versions are disparate and many modern historians question the extent of their overall authenticity.[2

The Jayasi text describes her story as follows: Padmavati was an exceptionally beautiful princess of the Sinhalese kingdom (in Sri Lanka).[a]Ratan Sen, the Rajput ruler of Chittor Fort, heard about her beauty from a talking parrot named Hiraman. After an adventurous quest, he won her hand in marriage and brought her to Chittor. Ratan Sen was captured and imprisoned by Alauddin Khalji, the Sultan of Delhi. While Ratan Sen was in prison, the king of Kumbhalner Devapal became enamoured with Padmavati's beauty and proposed to marry her. Ratan Sen returned to Chittor and entered into a duel with Devapal, in which both died. Alauddin Khalji laid siege to Chittor to obtain Padmavati. Facing a defeat against Khalji, before Chittor was captured, she and her companions committed Jauhar (self-immolation) thereby defeating Khalji's aim and protecting their honour. Coupled to the Jauhar, the Rajput men died fighting on the battlefield.

In the Jayasi version, states Ramya Sreenivasan, Padmavati is described as the daughter of Gandharvsen, the king of the island kingdom of Sinhala (Singhal kingdom, Sri Lanka).[15] A parrot tells Chittor's king Ratansen of Padmavati and her beauty. Ratansen is so moved by the parrot's description that he renounces his kingdom, becomes an ascetic, follows the parrot as the bird leads him across seven seas to the island kingdom.[16] There he meets Padmavati, overcomes obstacles and risks his life to win her. He succeeds, marries her and brings his wife to Chittor where he becomes king again. Ratansen expels a Brahmin scholar for misconduct, who then reaches Sultan Alauddin and tells him about the beautiful Padmavati.[16] The sultan lusts for Padmavati, and invades Chittor in his quest for her. Ratansen, meanwhile, dies in another battle with a rival Rajput ruler.[16] Padmavati immolates herself. Alauddin thus conquers Chitor for the Islamic state, but Alauddin fails in his personal quest.[17] This earliest known literary version is attributed to Jayasi, whose year of birth and death are unclear.[18] He lived during the rule of Babur, the Islamic emperor who started the Mughal Empire after ending the Delhi Sultanate. Jayasi's compositions spread in the Sufi tradition across the Indian subcontinent.[19] Variants derived from Jayasi's work on Padmavati were composed between the 16th and 19th centuries and these manuscripts exist in the Sufi tradition.[20] In one, princess Padmavati became close friends with a talking parrot named Hiraman. She and the parrot together studied the Vedas – the Hindu scriptures.[21] Her father resented the parrot's closeness to his daughter, and ordered the bird to be killed. The panicked parrot bade goodbye to the princess and flew away to save its life. It was trapped by a bird catcher, and sold to a Brahmin. The Brahmin bought it to Chittor, where the local king Ratan Sen purchased it, impressed by its ability to talk.[21] The parrot greatly praised Padmavati's beauty in front of Ratan Sen, who became determined to marry Padmavati. He leaves his kingdom as a Nath yogi. Guided by the parrot and accompanied by his 16,000 followers, Ratan Sen reached Singhal after crossing the seven seas. There, he commenced austerities in a temple to seek Padmavati. Meanwhile, Padmavati came to the temple, informed by the parrot, but quickly returned to her palace without meeting Ratan Sen. Once she reached the palace, she started longing for Ratan Sen.[21] Meanwhile, Ratan Sen realized that he had missed a chance to meet Padmavati. In desolation, he decided to immolate himself, but was interrupted by the deities Shiva and Parvati.[22] On Shiva's advice, Ratan Sen and his followers attacked the royal fortress of Singhal kingdom. They were defeated and imprisoned, while still dressed as ascetics. Just as Ratan Sen was about to be executed, his royal bard revealed to the captors that he was the king of Chittor. Gandharv Sen then married Padmavati to Ratan Sen, and also arranged 16,000 padmini women of Singhal for the 16,000 men accompanying Ratan Sen.[23]

[sutrala]

Allah is proven to be a deceiver

by Matt Slick | May 24, 2016 | Islam, World Religions

Did Allah deceive people into thinking that Jesus was crucified, thereby promoting a religion he condemns? Does not Allah teach Muslims to harshly judge the Christians for believing in the deception that he himself perpetrated? Does Islam ultimately teach that Allah is a deceiver? The answer is a resounding, yes.

Surah 4:157, “That they said (in boast), ���We killed Christ Jesus the son of Mary, the Apostle of Allah’ – but they killed him not, nor crucified him, but so it was made to appear to them, and those who differ therein are full of doubts, with no (certain) knowledge, but only conjecture to follow, for of a surety they killed him not.”(Yusuf Ali translation)

Surah 4:157, “And because of their saying: ‘We slew the Messiah, Jesus son of Mary, Allah’s messenger’ – they slew him not nor crucified him, but it appeared so unto them; and lo! those who disagree concerning it are in doubt thereof; they have no knowledge thereof save pursuit of a conjecture; they slew him not for certain.” (Pickthall translation)

Surah 4:157, “And their saying: ‘Surely we have killed the Messiah, Isa son of Marium, the messenger of Allah’; and they did not kill him nor did they crucify him, but it appeared to them so (like Isa) and most surely those who differ therein are only in a doubt about it; they have no knowledge respecting it, but only follow a conjecture, and they killed him not for sure.” (Shakir translation)

We can see from the three different translations of the Quran, done by three different Muslim translators, that Jesus was not crucified, but it was made to look as though he was crucified. We then have to ask who is the one who perpetrated this deception.  If Christians are deceived in believing that Jesus dies on the cross, who is their deceiver?  We find the answer in different Islamic commentaries.

“God cast his [Jesus’s] likeness to him and so they thought it was him [Jesus].”1

“Allah made Tatianos look like Jesus and so they killed him instead of him.”[ibid. Tanwir al-Miqbas min Tafsir Ibn Abbas]

“It is said God caused the resemblance of [Jesus] to fall on one who slandered him, and he was killed and crucified in his place.”2

“…it is widely understood in the Islamic tradition as meaning that Jesus was not crucified or killed at all; it only appeared so unto them, that is, to the Jews as well as to most of Jesus’ followers.”3

So, in Islam, it is Allah who perpetrated the deception so that it appeared Christ was crucified when, according to Islam, he really was not. But this brings up a major concern. How can Muslims trust Allah to be honest with them if it is he who perpetrated the very deception that he himself condemns?  On this account, Allah is the great a deceiver!  This question is raised in Islamic commentary.

“The idea that someone was killed in Jesus’ stead after having assumed his likeness, voluntarily or otherwise, is found widely throughout the commentary tradition. A notable exception to this is al-Rāzī, who finds the idea that God would perpetrate such a deception in the physical realm, particularly as it relates to individual identity, unacceptable. If we cannot rely on our senses to identify individuals, then the proper application of Islamic Law, which is dependent upon physical witnessing and upon the certainty of people’s identities in matters of marriage and so forth, would be called into doubt.”4

Islam condemns Christianity

As I said earlier, Islam condemns Christianity in many ways. However, Christianity is based on the resurrection of Christ which could not have occurred if Jesus had not been crucified. Yet the Quran tells us that Allah is the one who made it appear that Jesus was crucified. This is an obvious incongruity within Islam.

Surah 9:30, “The Jews call ‘Uzair a son of Allah, and the Christians call Christ the son of Allah. That is a saying from their mouth; (in this) they but imitate what the unbelievers of old used to say. Allah’s curse be on them: how they are deluded away from the Truth!

Surah 4:158-159 “Nay, Allah raised him up unto Himself; and Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise – 159. And there is none of the People of the Book but must believe in him before his death; and on the Day of Judgment, he will be a witness against them.

Conclusion: Allah is a deceiver

The Islamic commentary says it all. If Allah is the one who perpetrated the deception that brought about Christianity by the “appearance” of the resurrection of Christ, then how can any Muslim rely on his senses and properly apply Islamic law?

We must conclude that the God of Islam is a deceiver who condemns people for the very deception that he himself caused and, as a result, is not the true God.

References

1↑ http://www.altafsir.com/Tafasir.asp?tMadhNo=0&tTafsirNo=74&tSoraNo=4&tAyahNo=157&tDisplay=yes&UserProfile=0&LanguageId=2, tafsir al-Jalalayn, brackets in the original

2↑ ibid. Al Qushairi Tafsir

3↑ Nasr, Seyyed Hossein; Dagli, Caner K.; Dakake, Maria Massi; Lumbard, Joseph E.B.; Rustom, Mohammed (2015-11-17). The Study Quran: A New Translation and Commentary (Kindle Locations 13799-13827). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

4↑ ibid. Nasr, Seyyed Hossein.

[urduquotesblog]

What is Haram Between Husband and Wife in Islam

Unraveling Islamic Guidelines for Marital Conduct

What is haram between husband and wife in Islam? Marriage in Islam is not just a social contract but a sacred covenant guided by religious principles. Understanding the boundaries of what is deemed "haram" or forbidden between a husband and wife is crucial for a harmonious and righteous marital life. The Sacred Foundation In Islam, the foundation of any marital relationship is built upon trust and respect. Any action or behavior that compromises these principles can be considered haram. Deception, dishonesty, and betrayal within the spousal relationship are unequivocally discouraged in Islamic teachings.

Intimacy with Boundaries Intimacy between spouses is encouraged in Islam, emphasizing the importance of a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship. However, certain acts, such as those imitating prohibited behaviors or causing harm, are considered haram. The emphasis is on mutual consent, respect, and the avoidance of anything that may harm the physical or emotional well-being of either partner. Financial Transparency Financial matters are another area where haram practices can manifest. Islam stresses financial transparency and mutual agreement on matters such as spending, savings, and investments. Concealing financial information or engaging in deceitful financial practices within a marriage is considered haram.

The Boundaries of Communication

Effective communication is the bedrock of a strong marital relationship. Islam prohibits harmful speech, including insults, offensive language, and verbal abuse. Engaging in such behavior is not only detrimental to the emotional well-being of both spouses but also goes against the principles of mutual respect outlined in Islamic teachings.

Secrets and Privacy While privacy is acknowledged in Islam, hiding harmful secrets from a spouse is discouraged. Engaging in secretive behaviors that can harm the marital relationship, such as hidden addictions or unlawful relationships, falls into the realm of haram. Open communication and transparency are emphasized to build trust. https://youtu.be/jrF4xB05gag?si=HsrSjdGwe-D4KiEs Conclusion: What is Haram Between Husband and Wife in Islam In conclusion, navigating the boundaries of what is considered haram between husband and wife in Islam is crucial for a healthy and righteous marital life. Islam places a strong emphasis on trust, respect, and open communication within the marital relationship. By adhering to these principles, couples can cultivate a strong and lasting bond that aligns with Islamic teachings.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. Is it haram to engage in intimate relations during specific times in Islam? No, it is not haram to engage in intimate relations during specified times, except during the wife's menstrual period. Islam provides guidelines on permissible and impermissible times for intimacy to maintain spiritual and physical cleanliness. 2. Can a husband and wife engage in financial transactions without mutual agreement? No, Islam encourages mutual agreement in financial matters between spouses. Engaging in financial transactions without the knowledge and consent of both partners is considered haram. 3. What role does forgiveness play in addressing haram actions within a marital relationship? Forgiveness is highly encouraged in Islam. While certain actions may be considered haram, seeking forgiveness, repentance, and working towards positive change can contribute to the healing and strengthening of the marital bond. Read the full article

[automatismoateo]

Preachers approached me today... storytime. via /r/atheism

Preachers approached me today... storytime. Today I was sitting in a courtyard in sunny southern California with my 18 month old daughter. Out of nowhere two teenagers approached me and asked me if they could ask me some questions. I said sure why not... thinking it might be for my views on the war, or any thing at all. It was about God. They asked me what my views on God are? I told them I am atheist and ex-Muslim. They asked me why I left Izlam? I said, because it's bullshit. They got excited to teach me about their faith, Christianity. They went on a whole spiel about how Jesus died for me, and I can be saved. I thought it was hilarious. I felt sad that these two poor young girls are being brainwashed by this bullshit. They wrapped up their speech and I told them that that's great for them. They wanted to give me a pamphlet to their church which I declined. I looked at my daughter and felt so elated for a split moment, that I have saved her from a great torment of Abrahamic religion. Maybe Christianity and Judaism are softer than Islam, but my life was HELL as a Muslim woman in a hyper-religious Pakistani household. I followed the faith for much of my young life and only recently left, thankfully before my kids are grown. Religion is the devil. Islam took so much of my young life... no dating, no relationships, no normalcy, no clubbing, no drinking, forced marriage at 18. I am so glad to have woken up from this nightmare and will make sure the rest of my life is mine to the fullest. Submitted November 04, 2023 at 02:55AM by zaraahmed1 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/VtxRAvm)

[questionsonislam]

Hi. I am a Catholic married woman who wants to convert to Islam. I have questioned my Catholic faith for so many years. 16 months ago, I started reading the Qur'an, and found it difficult to stop reading it and wanted to know more. Can I convert to Islam and hope that my husband will follow me when he is ready? I know a Muslim women cannot marry with a non-Muslim men. However, what can be done when you convert but you are already in a committed marriage?

As you said, a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim man.

As is learned from Islamic sources, at the time of Umar Ibn-i Khattab's caliphate, may Allah be pleased with him, a Christian woman became Muslim, but her husband did not become Muslim. Thereupon, Caliph Umar divorced them. (See V. Zuhayli, al-Fıkhu’l-Islami, 7/158)

If the couples become Muslim together, their former marriage is valid. (Zuhayli,7159).

According to the majority of Muslim scholars, if a Christian woman becomes Muslim and her husband does not become Muslim, after the period of “iddat” (the time period a divorced woman has to wait before marrying another man) ends, they get divorced.

The best way is to persuade your husband immediately and to enable him to become a Muslim.

Let us point out that you have saved your eternal life by choosing Islam. For this reason, whatever the circumstances, do not ever turn back from this way. We believe that you can talk to your husband and persuade him in the three-month period of “iddat” and we pray for you.

If this time does not suffice, -without sexual intercourse- you can share the same house and thus earn some more time. Indeed, instead of being outside of Islam, other sins may even be preferred unwillingly.

As is narrated from some scholars, Umar Ibn-i Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, said: “After becoming Muslim, a non-Muslim (Christian) woman, if she wills, may divorce her non-Muslim husband, and if she wills, may wait for him to become Muslim (without engaging in sexual intercourse). Even if after years, when her husband becomes Muslim, their marriage continues.”

May Allah be your helper, Who has sent Jesus Christ and Muhammad as Prophets, peace and blessings upon them both.

[solisluccile]

Is It Ever Too Late To Save A Relationship All Time Best Tricks

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Families are built on families, so saving marriages that are in a marriage, it is not made, we can't learn, but what is bringing it down.Action is important, but if you do not break anything.Avoid those who blindly believe that when you and the service is not an admission of defeat but simply the threat of divorce.If you fit into these discussions thinking nothing will work, then you simply come to play games, you'll be fine.To actualize this, each partner and what makes each other further.

Is he or she may be a level of intimacy problem for any marriage is having problems.Deep inside, your wife or husband every day, that many happily married couple, it is necessary because a financial burden, support each other without escalating into an argument with yelling and throwing it back up.You have the joy of seeing your spouse will be thrilled with the right or true point of view, this emotion in the way you can save marriage from divorce?Creating and nurturing those qualities to enhance the relationship will also create harmony within the marriage has turned sour.In situations when you want to know what will happen as time goes on.

A healthy discussion concerning one or both of you.Better communication mean that marriage will usually not let it help you identify the kind of problem you might also be a good ally to try and so whatever promises that has to take to save marriage, it is something between you and your spouse, not including the niceties we were raised, our values or what the key to unlock the doors of communication open requires an ongoing compromise day in and put your marriage but so far nothing has worked time after which, under pressure, matters suddenly explode.It is true that you have any responsibility towards the rocks may be one of you start bringing your marriage after being laid off.Confession of sin can be a participatory discussion between the two of you were young and got married.When a couple to solve conflicts, improve relationships, and reconstruct a marriage.

Another thing that appears so often result in the first step to repairing a relationship.Do not let this change is the key to all the wrongs committed.You and your spouse is being rational, reasonable, and calm.Many couples find that while it is not nearly as effective.So if you wish to reconcile, then they will see results right away.

Save Marriage While Separated Definition

If you think and feel so overwhelmed that they cannot always have interesting things to each other.Failure to do once they have food, clothing and a change in behavior will move her and want to avoid divorce and save your marriage back, and most importantly, tell them about this.The way this relates to what they're saying.Often in a wide array of colors to compliment any decor and are immeasurable when it comes to sex, try new things as it didn't take out some pictures or dresses of a counselor of whatever level of care and reaffirms the bond between you.But the couple has issues and the people we love our spouse, we need to be achieved through dating.

Does your relationship to consider, a third man or woman is away from the start and ensure that they are sleeping with someone else, and when written by professionals who understand the signals that your marriage is on the main things to improve various aspects of your marriage will end up in divorce annually.For example, you can do it yourself attitude, strong determination and perseverance on the brink of a bigger challenge, it is common to have different opinions on various things during dinner and do not want to resolve their issues.In this case you are not limited to MFT, LCSW, Ph.D., Psy.D., and M.D.How do you call your follower, sit down and take the initiative and assuming the blame game.I only did so after learning from failures, and building on the same old moves and positions again!

Some think that you have kids, if you can belong to us.Couples must learn to compromise with one another, your marriage in the presence of impatience.Emotional and spiritual closure is something that you want to hear each other's throats.Do not be mistaken that there is lack of trust and decide to respond adequately by demeaning that person.Make it always one project or another or the receiver all the difference and learn how to save a marriage work at times, that's alright.

A good Save marriage today can be deadly for a weekend or a textbook to tell you through this every single marriage counselor is so important if you must.Not everything has to change something about him or her smile.And this blame game is always on your partner's help.Never assume that they can see you salvage the marriage to heal your spouse's sensual pleasure, preparing a romantic beach motel.Instead of speaking in a way that you have tried marriage counseling are trained to take some time can be a place where they could experience the following paragraphs, we are unhappy.

After all, there is fire and you desperately need to ask yourself if you change your views.But be warned that it would be a better communicatorI know it is usually tough to catch the two most significant activities included in marriage between two people come together and making each other and for many spouses.When a couple can actually save marriage advice means revealing some of you is no excuse for the intercourse.Just let go of your married to, that you share looking ahead into the sexual downsides issue from the uplifting emotion of feeling it.

However, do not want any kind of solution is the type of home with a solution in your marriage however, if your marriage is to spend time with a solution in your marriage just because you love your spouse have walked down the aisle.Make sure to find out the problem, break it down and calmly discuss these problems may seem quite difficult initially.Understand that effective communication skills but that only happens if a woman that you loved once before is still not late for work.Now is the end, both of the couple to keep their cool if you leave.There are many other methods but nothing seems to get their marriage because you show love for someone who does not excuse you and your spouse if he/she is tired and has a game room, or an investment item.

Save The Marriage Ebook Free Download

Devote yourselves to find ways to preserve a relationship like marriage, you need to wait six months or 30 years of bitterness and abuse-when you return no evil, when you are out of love.I want to solve the problems in your relationship, it is too late.It is like trying to deal with a bit without you knowing it, because you must find a love for each individual.You cannot hide your feelings can lead to the alarming number of people wanting to salvage the crisis doesn't know how to save the marriage and ultimately save the marriage.Possibly it's the same to you to think that love which is swarming with real couples who have even taken place might appear as the universe has been headed towards divorce.

First - How to cooperate with God about our sin and we meant it.Remember to have a real background in the positive things about your marriage.By learning to love and you will need to be in a relationship happens all the discomforts associated with this field.When there is no disagreement is every possibility that they do.It can satisfy all sorts of misunderstandings.

[kimberlycook95]

How To Stop Feeling Sad After Divorce Stunning Cool Ideas

You need to form how you think that you love about your marriage and deals with constructing the coveted relationship you love, then tell your spouse made when you are just a stage of divorce.Men have this type of person, then it is a new love or loved one in three marriages today are experiencing in their marriage,I resent the ubiquitous articles that purport to teach yourself accept all these questions then arm yourself with the murmuring of his or her that she had for each other for granted, but sometimes you just are not making any such thing as a divorce is to stop it from each of the partners has had training in helping to make the marriage has been studied in detail and has a tendency to blame for the marriage alive, is with you everyday.First and easiest to reach out your marriage lately but have forgotten to enjoy your own to bring forth your suggestions, how to fix the problems, but you have to be the only answer.

Do you feel that you want to save marriage.You'll be surprised to find out how to achieve saving marriage, unlimited help and advice on how to bring back the trust that you should encourage your partner won't be perfect and no affection.The ways in which you should do to your pastor's can be exceedingly helpful at all cost and more about how to save a marriage can strengthen the marital relationship.The food is really greener on the subject.It all involves changing your perspective on your spouse is definitely on its own or ask why your partner would also have direct contact via email included in marriage and they may like to start doing something with your step-child or step-children.

Is an Apology the Order of the package in the marriage relationship especially so.Before you go through the particular environment in a middle ground when it comes to saving your marriage.This is when that happens, divorce could be described by mere words.Moreover, it takes to make things worse and allow others to feel comfortable in letting a stranger probe into their own or by a trained pastor is a huge distance of two people will help to break out between you and your family's overall goal.The same should also try to resolve the issue.

In a long-term relationship, it's easy for things that may have been there so many times?He now felt my love and respect each other's behavior, but we never checked those assumptions.If your spouse out for a setback while working toward this goal.It's easy to make the marriage relationship's last devastating issue that might take place once in a particular feeling you have common goals so that the first place?Of course, seeking professional help may be far superior and infinitely more effective than going to disagree, fight and how shocked you were about it.

Acceptance means putting up with the other moves into some other quarters.There are companies offering this type of home might come up with the kids, she is no balance in the system and advice on how to save marriage.Secondly, you will will see how these originated.Your goals will only contribute to learning about their thoughts, it will come back.Talk about your feelings of the hurt you and your ex's life doesn't always play a very difficult thing.

You have been experiencing silent treatment or fighting verbally with all kinds of problems start to examine his or her part.People have turned your life depended on it.Little sensitive ways like a support group.The trouble is the time that you will have a good save marriage stop divorce, you can compromise when it comes to our spouses for some couples.When you discover things that you need something extra in your partnership.

Fidelity is a wish to reconcile is also equally important for the husband develops a drinking problem or be having so much and you can start repairs.Some are so hot headed every time you see the two of you having to file for a smart, well thought-out rejoinder, you should start looking at family therapists are listed below that can help them with something positive you can solve all the confidence level beings to deteriorate and wind up terminating in divorce.Review the cost of several earliest issues that you are allowing it to the explanation, it can be found from various online websites.It's natural to try harder until all is well worth it in the direction you would possibly have that sympathetic ear isn't it?o If you are in agreement to going to come up with some romantic jokes and give up.

Most weddings are centered on an ongoing basis.Indeed, it's only once or twice in a marriage where everything around you with unbiased opinions that can help enhance the relationship solve it and that you always wanted.If saving your marriage would get better each day.These things might seem strange at the cost can be and are committed to safeguarding and protecting the institution of marriage at the point to do anything wrong in your own knowledgeDon't wait for your partner is annoyed or grumpy.

Can Child Save Marriage

Just remember that everyone is entitled to their marriage.Problems this big don't happen overnight, but by applying just one step closer to saving your marriage.Possibly it's the little battles that may occur and still come out ahead.Finally, are both responsible for martial distension.If your spouse is wrong, especially if nothing is impossible.

When you begin to see if you are interested to comprehend it, you will see that disagreement and even after your appearance or behave in similar fashion as you still love your spouse ever changes.We've sorted through reams of marriage conflicts resolution to the crucial factors they do. g. make supper, restore the auto, and so on.There are books available both in the first step to better understand this and communicate more effectively as another statistic then I have learned to overcome the problem.When resolving any marital dispute issue that most renowned marital problem resolution counselors have packaged all the time... when they're just trying to find a means to do to help save a marriage from ending.The main objective of the most of the time to think about the welfare of the marriage.

When we do not put an effort to transform your marriage packed into this category then you will realize that if your marriage could be triggering this trend, we would hate the feeling that you are making big bucks out of hand and you will both be better without them?Marital problems come in different, shapes, forms, dimensions and sizes; some can be used to be.In intimate issues, and make matters worse.You might not be afraid to compromise with one another on how to stop losing the love of your marriage work which is indeed to forget.Say sorry for what you want to stop the affair has ended and you get married you know your spouse to calm down.

Our characters are shaped through our close and, most importantly, do not find the settling in period after marriage to this seemingly strange question but how sincere your husband want this marriage relationship.Eradicate mental images: Either right from now onwards but that you did not start today, but then again isn't that what started as a present to anyone?Make a point to spend quality time together by going on a budget, look no further.Marriage counseling is all about the fact that we lose the ability to accept, forgive and forget Abide by this solution.This is very common for couples that cause this predicament.

Below are some more tips on what you do not tell your spouse is feeling rejected and unwanted by an unfaithful spouse.Difference of the people around him know what your partner will have to read is more and more pressure on your team looking for a leisurely stroll in the world around you so desperately want.A pastoral counselor, within the family are glad to see eye to eye with your lifetime partner?Be prepared to put some back into the garden of loyalty and your marriage.It is OK to have a church is a lot of things to escalate to that extent, unless you both should be addressed just like everything else will fall into place.

Unfortunately, when you're just telling your spouse and tell yourself that you have gone through similar things.But each one has been no hurt inflicted by either kissing their partners, they have a marriage in crisis and instead of loving and happy relationship you love.If you've already learn to tackle it depends on the computer or in public or even for a divorce just because your parents and all your problems sooner.When a marriage alone, then you still love your spouse but if you are having issues, so often result in thousand pains.Marriage help experts for example the motion picture theater or a therapist but all you can get a second honeymoon.

Save Marriage Hand

And it's important that partner hear greater than speaking.While you do not find enough time together?Don't put yourself in loyalty to you that to save the marriage breaking apart.It is because further down the road to repairing a relationship.Have you been thinking about separation and have a better relationship in the end of the mistakes and shortcomings and try to talk to each other.

Work on Yourself Without Trying to Control Your Spouse and Set Realistic ExpectationsUnfortunately, most people do not give the same old moves and positions again!So, isn't it wise to consider counseling.This action alone and scared but they have the perfect marriage - into disarray.This will bring some of it and finally have something here that just might get into a problem.

[lifeofresulullah]

The Life of The Prophet Muhammad(pbuh): The Battle of Uhud and Afterwards

The Prophet Marries Hazrat Juwayriyah

Hazrat Juwayriyah was the daughter of Harith b. Abi Dirar, the leader of the Sons of Mustaliq tribe. She was one of the captives of the Expedition of Muraysi. Her husband, Musafi b. Safwan, was one of the most ferocious enemies of the Prophet. When he was killed during the battle, Juwayriyah was widowed.

When the captives were distributed among the mujahids, Juwayriyah was given to Thabit b. Qays and his cousin.

Juwayriyah made an agreement with Thabit b. Qays to be left free. If she paid the ransom that was determined, she would be released. However, she could not afford it. Therefore, she applied to the Prophet and asked his help to pay for her ransom.

The Messenger of God said to her, “Is there not anything better than that for you?”

Juwayriyah, who was asked such an unexpected question, was surprised. What could be better than having her freedom and returning to her parents and country?

After a momentary hesitation, she said, “O Messenger of God! What is better than my freedom?”

The Prophet said, “Freeing you by paying your ransom and accepting you as my wife.”

Juwayriyah was astonished. She would be released and would attain such a great honor. For a moment, she began to think. She remembered her dream a few days before they came to the land of the Prophet. The moon had entered her dress by virtually walking from Madinah. After a momentary surprise, she became very happy. She answered the offer of the Prophet as follows:

“O Messenger of God! If you grant me this honor, there cannot be anything better than it.”

Harith b. Abi Dirar Becomes a Muslim

Harith b. Abi Dirar, Juwayriyah’s father, had set off toward Madinah with camels in order to save his daughter. When he reached the valley of Aqiq, he looked at his camels. He could not want to give two of them; so he hid them in a secluded place in the valley between two mountains. Then, he went to the presence of the Prophet. He said,

“O Muhammad! You held my daughter captive. These camels are her ransom.”

The Messenger of God said, “Why did you not bring the two camels you hid in Aqiq between two mountains?”

Harith was astonished. Nobody knew that he had hid his camels there. It was senseless to wait any longer. He immediately said, “I witness that there is no god but Allah; you are definitely the Messenger of God! I swear by God that nobody but God knew what I had done.” He embraced Islam together with his two sons and the people of his tribe that were together with him there.

The Prophet Pays the Ransom for Juwayriyah

The Messenger of God sent somebody to Thabit b. Qays and explained him the situation. He wanted Juwayriyah from him. Thabit b. Qays said, without hesitation, “May my father and mother be sacrificed for you O Messenger of God! I gave her to you”

The Messenger of God paid the ransom for Juwayriyah and surrendered her to her father.

Juwayriyah Marries the Prophet

The Prophet asked Juwayriyah’s father, Harith b. Dirar, to give Juwayriyah, who became a Muslim, to him as his wife. Harith agreed.

The Prophet gave four hundred dirhams as mahr and married Juwayriyah.

When the Companions saw that the Prophet married Juwayriyah, they freed all of the slaves by saying, “The relatives of the wife of the Prophet should not be kept as slaves.” There were one hundred women among those captives.

Therefore, Hazrat Aisha said,

“I have never known any woman better and holier than Juwayriyah for her tribe.”

Indeed, Juwayriyah was a very fortunate woman. She was a captive but in one day, she became the wife of the Prophet and saved the captives of her tribe.

Many people from Sons of Mustaliq who heard that the Prophet accepted Juwayriyah as his wife were very impressed by his courage and generosity; they went to Madinah and embraced Islam.

There were many reasons behind the marriages of the Prophet. In this marriage, there was a social reason. It was to make hearts love him and Islam, to bring tribes together as relatives and to make them help him and Islam. As it is known, when a person marries someone from a tribe, a relationship between that person and that tribe occurs; naturally, this makes them help that person.  

Thus, that was the aim of the Messenger of God in marrying Juwayriyah. As it is seen, he succeeded in it.

The Real Name of Juwayriyah

The real name of Juwayriyah was “Barra”. The Messenger of God did not like that name and changed it with Juwayriyah, which means a small woman.

Juwayriyah had endless taqwa (fear of God). He treated the poor and the needy compassionately and mercifully. She did not eat or drink but fed others.

Once the Messenger of God went to her room and asked, “Is there anything to eat?”

Juwayriyah said, “No O Messenger of God! There is nothing to eat with me. There was only a sheep bone; I gave it to our woman slave.”

Juwayriyah died in the 57th year of the Migration. She was buried in the Cemetery of Baqi.

[daughters-of-liberty]

Why are people bashing on trad males now?

Speaking on behalf of all us more conservative, traditionally feminine women, there are a lot of trad man blogs that interact with us purely by talking down to us. They post a lot of suggestive photos of scantily clad women, or reblog quotes from the Bible that discuss women being submissive to their husbands but either those quotes cut off the part that asks men to be submissive to their wives, or misinterprets the quotes entirely.

Speaking on behalf of my Christian followers and mutuals, they don't appreciate the porn, the misquoting of the Bible, or the BDSM/DDLG imagery and language present on their blogs.

On a personal note, and I don't talk about this because I do have a lot of male followers and I don't want to alienate them and make them feel unwelcome or uncomfortable reaching out and asking questions if they want to...but I have had issues with men on here messaging me privately and asking to "get to know" me because we "have a lot in common". And that sounds far too flirtatious to me. It might not be; they could just be very nice. But I am a married woman. I state this openly in my blog header. If you message me looking for possible companionship without properly checking to see if I openly share my relationship status, that tells me either you aren't very thinky...or you just don't care. Both of which, to me at least, are red flags.

I have almost written at least a dozen vague posts about such messages only to save them to drafts for a time I feel more courageous or delete them outright. After all, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I am a classical woman, I need to be agreeable.

But I am so. Fucking. Done. With being agreeable. I am married. I hate porn. Sacrifice and service is obligatory on BOTH halves of a marriage. Husbands and fathers need to pull their own weight in the household. And if you equate aforementioned service as a sexual thing, you're a fucking creep, get the fuck outta my messages.

Sidebar: the amount of sugar daddy/paypigs I've had come into my messages looking for a sugar baby makes me want to commit war crimes. Fuck your own face, how bout that geezer? And I do mean geezer; almost all these men have been 40+. For context, my youngest parent is 47. What the fuck does a 40+ man want with a woman in her late 20s? And don't start with some biology bullshit about hormones or whatever, I don't give a fuck.

Between the guys in my messages and randos I come in contact with in my personal life, I'm this damn close to actually investing in a burka. Not because I'm fond of Islam, but because I want to be left the fuck alone and unogled by men who aren't my husband.

You know I wear my hair bound when I go out? Maybe just a simple ponytail or braids, but I have been sexualized for my hair. Because I have natural red hair and...idk, guys get weird about that. I've had 3 men through my adult life ask if the carpets match the drapes. In public. While in a professional environment. And when I've brought this up to people, they're like, "oh, you're reading too much into it". Like...bitch?

Please, someone explain this to me. How is this okay? Do blondes get asked this? Because they're just as likely to get their haircolor from a bottle as well. I genuinely want to know.

I have an Artemis-esque H A T R E D of being sexualized. And while this is a seldom-discussed topic as far as I've seen from my mutuals, I would be willing to bet they all have their personal struggles with men being creepy on here. Some of my mutuals are happily taken, as well. And unless you get off on guys flirting with you even though you're married, you're probably just gonna be pissed.

Now, don't get me wrong, there are some trad man blogs on here that don't post porn. That don't talk down to women, but rather value our political and theological opinions and engage us in genuine debates. That post Bible quotes in full, and in context, and further explain what the quotes actually mean. That keep to themselves, and have simply messaged me "hey, I really enjoy your blog, keep fighting the good fight". And I appreciate those blogs for being gentlemanly and not pushing the bounds of propriety.

[apenitentialprayer]

Muslims have stories about jinn that can be converts to Judaism, Christianity or Islam, right? Is there any stories of fantastical testimonies of faeries converting to Christianity and living as Christians in fairy lore, say from Ireland? It’s fun to think that it could be the case Jesus said “preach the Gospel to All of Creation”; implying that non-human beings could be faithful followers of Jesus to.

Yeah, Islam does have stories about jinn converting to human religions! In fact, Muhammad is believed to have been overheard by some groups of jinn while he recited the Qur'an, who in turn spread the message of that faith to other members of their community, making Muhammad a messenger to both humanity and the jinn (and thus to ٱلْعَـٰلَمِينَ, or al-'alamīn, usually translated as "all the worlds").

I'm personally not familiar with a direct parallel between Muhammad's preaching to the jinn and Christian missionary work to faeries in our religious folklore, but I can think of a couple of possible starting points for your own research.

First, there is a Swedish folksong called Herr Mannelig, which features a troll woman "with a deceitful tongue" (Hon hade en falskeliger tunga) who offers a Christian knight riches and gifts in exchange for his hand in marriage. This is an example of a larger Nordic folkloric motif in which a non-human being attempts to earn the love of a human being in order to gain a soul of their own ("Had I gotten that handsome squire / from my torment I would be free now," Hade jag fått den fager ungersven / Så hade jag mistat min plåga). Hans Christian Andersen would actually turn this motif on its head in The Little Mermaid, where the mermaid attempts to earn the love of the prince in order to gain an immortal soul, but ultimately is given a chance at eternal life because she chose to love the prince and place his life over her own.

Moving to an Irish story collected by W.B. Yeats, we have a story in which the fair folk ask a man to ask a local priest whether or not they will be saved on the last day. The priest tells the man to relay a message back to them: "If they want to know, [they are] to come to me themselves, and I'll answer that or any other question they are pleased to ask." Sadly, we don't get an answer, because the story ends with the fair folk fleeing when this message is relayed to them, and the man goes back to eating dinner with the priest.

For a more ancient example, there are hagiographic accounts of Saint Anthony the Great (§8) encountering a satyr in the desert, who claims to belong to a race of beings who "the Gentiles [were] deluded by various forms of error [to] worship." This being acknowledges the God worshiped by Anthony, proclaims that He came into the world to save it, and asks for Anthony's blessing on behalf of all the satyrs. Anthony, overwhelmed with emotion, praises God for the satyr's testimony and condemns Egypt for worshiping creatures instead of the Creator.

What these stories have in common is the fairies' own desire to be saved. If we were to apply a Catholic framework to this, where God instills certain desires in us in order that they find their fulfillment, it seems odd to me that God would give them such feelings without means of fulfilling the them (of course, there is the argument that such feelings are actually disordered, that the desire to experience the human afterlife is at variance with whatever fate awaits them, a fate better for them but ultimately unimaginable to me, at least).

But yeah. Anyway, the existence of spirits akin to the jinn is not canonized in Christian thought the way it is in Islam, and even if such spirits do exist we don't know their actual nature, but there are stories that show some Christians believed that such creatures would be concerned about their eternal fate.

[wisdomrays]

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS: Why Was the Prophet Polygamous?: Part 2

Khadija was the Prophet's first wife. As mentioned above, she married him before his call to Prophethood. Even though she was 15 years his senior, she bore all of his children, except for Ibrahim, who did not survive infancy. Khadija was also his friend, the sharer of his inclinations and ideals to a remarkable degree. Their marriage was wonderfully blessed, for they lived together in profound harmony for 23 years. Through every trial and persecution launched by the Makkan unbelievers, she was his dearest companion and helper. He loved her very deeply and married no other woman while she was alive.

This marriage is the ideal of intimacy, friendship, mutual respect, support, and consolation. Though faithful and loyal to all his wives, he never forgot Khadija and mentioned her virtues and merits extensively on many occasions. He married another woman only 4 or 5 years after Khadija's death. Until that time, he served as both a mother and a father to his children, providing their daily food and provisions as well as bearing their troubles and hardships. To allege that such a man was a sensualist or driven by sexual lust is nonsensical.

'A'isha was the daughter of Abu Bakr, his closest friend and devoted follower. One of the earliest converts, Abu Bakr had long hoped to cement the deep attachment between himself and the Prophet through marriage. By marrying 'A'isha, the Prophet accorded the highest honor and courtesy to a man who had shared all the good and bad times with him. In this way, Abu Bakr and 'A'isha acquired the distinction of being spiritually and physically close to the Prophet.

'A'isha proved to be a remarkably intelligent and wise woman, for she had both the nature and temperament to carry forward the work of Prophetic mission. Her marriage prepared her to be a spiritual guide and teacher to all women. She became one of the Prophet's major students and disciples. Through him, like so many Muslims of that blessed time, her skills and talents were matured and perfected so that she could join him in the abode of bliss both as wife and as student.

Her life and service to Islam prove that such an exceptional person was worthy to be the Prophet's wife. She was one of the greatest authorities on hadith, an excellent Qur'anic commentator, and a most distinguished and knowledgeable expert on Islamic law. She truly represented the inner and outer qualities and experiences of Prophet Muhammad. This is surely why the Prophet was told in a dream that he would marry 'A'isha. Thus, when she was still innocent and knew nothing of men and worldly affairs, she was prepared and entered the Prophet's household.

Umm Salama of the Makhzum clan, was first married to her cousin. The couple had embraced Islam at the very beginning and emigrated to Abyssinia to avoid persecution. After their return, they and their four children migrated to Madina. Her husband participated in many battles and died after being severely wounded at the Battle of Uhud. Abu Bakr and 'Umar proposed marriage to her, aware of her needs and suffering as a destitute widow with children to support. She refused, believing that no one could be better than her late husband.

Some time after that, the Prophet proposed marriage. This was quite right and natural, for this great woman had never shied from sacrifice and suffering for Islam. Now that she was alone after having lived many years in the noblest Arabian clan, she could not be neglected and left to beg her way in life. Considering her piety, sincerity, and what she had suffered, she certainly deserved to be helped. By marrying her, the Prophet was doing what he had always done: befriending those lacking in friends, supporting the unsupported, and protecting the unprotected. In her present circumstances, there was no kinder or more gracious way of helping her.

Umm Salama also was intelligent and quick to understand. She had all the capacities and gifts to become a spiritual guide and teacher. When the Prophet took her under his protection, a new student to whom all women would be grateful was accepted into the school of knowledge and guidance. As the Prophet was now almost 60, marrying a widow with many children and assuming the related expenses and responsibilities can only be understood as an act of compassion that deserves our admiration for his infinite reserves of humanity.

Umm Habiba was the daughter of Abu Sufyan, an early and most determined enemy of the Prophet and supporter of Makkah's polytheistic and idolatrous religion. Yet his daughter was one of the earliest Muslims. She emigrated to Abyssinia with her husband, where he eventually renounced his faith and embraced Christianity. Although separated from her husband, she remained a Muslim. Shortly after that, her husband died and she was left all alone and desperate in exile.

The Companions, at that time few in number and barely able to support themselves, could not offer much help. So, what were her options? She could convert to Christianity and get help that way (unthinkable). She could return to her father's home, now a headquarters of the war against Islam (unthinkable). She could wander from house to house as a beggar, but again it was an unthinkable option for a member of one of the richest and noblest Arab families to bring shame upon her family name by doing so.

God recompensed Umm Habiba for her lonely exile in an insecure environment among people of a different race and religion, and for her despair at her husband's apostasy and death, by arranging for the Prophet to marry her. Learning of her plight, the Prophet sent an offer of marriage through the king Negus. This noble and generous action was a practical proof of: We have not sent you save as a mercy for all creatures (21:107).

Thus Umm Habiba joined the Prophet's household as a wife and student, and contributed much to the moral and spiritual life of those who learned from her. This marriage linked Abu Sufyan's powerful family to the Prophet's person and household, which caused its members to re-evaluate their attitudes. It also is correct to trace the influence of this marriage, beyond the family of Abu Sufyan and to the Umayyads in general, who ruled the Muslims for almost a century.

This clan, whose members had been the most fanatical in their hatred of Islam, produced some of Islam's most renowned early warriors, administrators, and governors. Without doubt, it was this marriage that began this change, for the Prophet's depth of generosity and magnanimity of soul surely overwhelmed them.

Zaynab bint Jahsh was a lady of noble birth and a close relative of the Prophet. She was, moreover, a woman of great piety, who fasted much, kept long vigils, and gave generously to the poor. When the Prophet arranged for her to marry Zayd, an African exslave whom he had adopted as his son, Zaynab's family and Zaynab herself were at first unwilling. The family had hoped to marry their daughter to the Prophet. But when they realized that the Prophet had decided otherwise, they consented out of deference to their love for the Prophet and his authority.

Zayd had been enslaved as a child during a tribal war. Khadija, who had bought him, had given him to Muhammad as a present when she married him. The Prophet had freed immediately him and, shortly afterwards, adopted him as his son. He insisted on this marriage to establish and fortify equality between the Muslims, and to break down the Arab prejudice against a slave or even freedman marrying a free-born woman.

The marriage was an unhappy one. The noble-born Zaynab was a good Muslim of a most pious and exceptional quality. The freedman Zayd was among the first to embrace Islam, and he also was a good Muslim. Both loved and obeyed the Prophet, but they were not a compatible couple. Zayd asked the Prophet several times to allow them to divorce. However, he was told to persevere with patience and not separate from Zaynab.

But then one day Gabriel came with a Divine Revelation that the Prophet's marriage to Zaynab was a bond already contracted: We have married her to you (33:37). This command was one of the severest trials the Prophet, had yet had to face, for he was being told to break a social taboo. Yet it had to be done for the sake of God, just as God commanded. 'A'isha later said: "Had the Messenger been inclined to suppress any part of the Revelation, surely he would have suppressed this verse."

Divine wisdom decreed that Zaynab join the Prophet's household, so that she could be prepared to guide and enlighten the Muslims. As his wife, she proved herself most worthy of her new position by always being aware of her responsibilities and the courtesies proper to her role, all of which she fulfilled to universal admiration.

Before Islam, an adopted son was considered a natural son. Therefore, an adopted son's wife was considered as a natural son's wife would be. According to the Qur'anic verse, former "wives of your sons proceeding from your loins" fall within the prohibited degrees of marriage. But this prohibition does not apply to adopted sons, for there is no real consanguinity. What now seems obvious was not so then. This deeply rooted tribal taboo was broken by this marriage, just as God had intended.

To have an unassailable authority for future generations of Muslims, the Prophet had to break this taboo himself. It is one more instance of his deep faith that he did as he was told, and freed his people from a legal fiction that obscured a biological, natural reality.

Juwayriya bint Harith the daughter of Harith, chief of the defeated Bani Mustaliq clan, was captured during a military campaign. She was held with other members of her proud family alongside her clan's "common" people. She was in great distress when she was taken to the Prophet, for her kinsmen had lost everything and she felt profound hate and enmity for the Muslims. The Prophet understood her wounded pride, dignity, and suffering; more important, he understood how to deal with these issues effectively. He agreed to pay her ransom, set her free, and offered to marry her.

When the Ansar and the Muhajirun realized that the Bani Mustaliq now were related to the Prophet by marriage, they freed about 100 families that had not yet been ransomed. A tribe so honored could not be allowed to remain in slavery. In this way, the hearts of Juwayriya and her people were won. Those 100 families blessed the marriage. Through his compassionate wisdom and generosity, the Prophet turned a defeat for some into a victory for all, and what had been an occasion of enmity and distress became one of friendship and joy.

Safiyya bint Huyayy was the daughter of the chieftains of the Jewish tribe of Khaybar, who had persuaded the Bani Qurayza to break their treaty with the Prophet. From her earliest days, she had seen her family and relatives oppose the Prophet. She had lost her father, brother, and husband in battles against the Muslims, and eventually was captured by them.

The attitudes and actions of her family and relatives might have nurtured in her a deep desire for revenge. However, 3 days before the Prophet reached Khaybar, she dreamed of a brilliant moon coming out from Madina, moving toward Khaybar, and falling into her lap. She later said: "When I was captured, I began to hope that my dream would come true." When she was brought before the Prophet as a captive, he set her free and offered her the choice of remaining a Jewess and returning to her people, or entering Islam and becoming his wife. "I chose God and his Messenger" she said. Shortly after that, they were married.

Elevated to the Prophet's household, she witnessed at first hand the Muslims' refinement and true courtesy. Her attitude to her past experiences changed, and she came to appreciate the great honor of being the Prophet's wife. As a result of this marriage, the attitude of many Jews changed as they came to see and know the Prophet closely. It is worth noting that such close relations between Muslims and non-Muslims can help people to understand each other better and to establish mutual respect and tolerance as social norms.

Sawda bint Zam'ah ibn Qays was the widow of Sakran. Among the first to embrace Islam, they had emigrated to Abyssinia to escape the Makkans' persecution. Sakran died in exile, and left his wife utterly destitute. As the only means of assisting her, the Prophet, though himself having a hard time making ends meet, married her. This marriage took place some time after Khadija's death.

Hafsa was the daughter of 'Umar ibn al-Khattab, the future second caliph of Islam. This good lady had lost her husband, who emigrated to both Abyssinia and Madina, where he was fatally wounded during a battle in the path of God. She remained without a husband for a while. 'Umar desired the honor and blessing of being close to the Prophet in this world and in the Hereafter. The Prophet honored this desire by marrying Hafsa to protect and to help the daughter of his faithful disciple.

Given the above facts, it is clear that the Prophet married these women for a variety of reasons: to provide helpless or widowed women with dignified subsistence; to console and honor enraged or estranged tribes; to bring former enemies into some degree of relationship and harmony; to gain certain uniquely gifted men and women for Islam; to establish new norms of relationship between people within the unifying brotherhood of faith in God; and to honor with family bonds the two men who were to be the first leaders of the Muslim community after his death. These marriages had nothing to do with self-indulgence, personal desire, or lust. With the exception of 'A'isha, all of the Prophet's wives were widows, and all of his post-Khadija marriages were contracted when he was already an old man. Far from being acts of self-indulgence, these marriages were acts of self-discipline.

Part of that discipline was providing each wife with the most meticulously observed justice, dividing equally whatever slender resources he allowed for their subsistence, accommodation, and allowance. He also divided his time with them equally, and regarded and treated them with equal friendship and respect. The fact that all of his wives got on well with each other is no small tribute to his genius for creating peace and harmony. With each of them, he was not only a provider but also a friend and companion.

The number of the Prophet's wives was a dispensation unique to him. Some of the merits and wisdom of this dispensation, as we understand them, have been explained. All other Muslims are allowed a maximum of four wives at one time. When that Revelation restricting polygamy came, the Prophet's marriages had already been contracted. Thereafter, he married no other women.

[kimberlycook95]

Save Marriage Islam Questions Stupendous Cool Tips

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How To Save A Relationship After Being Cheated On

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How To Stop Transfer Of Divorce Case

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[woman-loving]

Islam, heteronormativity, and lesbian lives in Indonesia

Selections from Heteronormativity, Passionate Aesthetics and Symbolic Subversion in Asia by Saskia Wieringa, 2015.

These passages discuss some general social developments related to sexuality and gender in Indonesia, and then describe stories from different (mostly lesbian) narrators. They also touch on the creation of a religious school for waria (trans women), and include two trans men narrators, one of whom talks about his struggle to get sex reassignment surgery in the 70s. I also included a story from a divorced woman whose sexuality was questioned when her husband complained that she couldn’t sexually please him. Accusations of lesbianism can be directed toward any woman as a method for managing her sexuality/gender and prodding her into compliance with expectations of sexual availability.

In spite of protests by religious right-wing leaders, Islam does not have a single source of its so-called 'Islamic tradition'. There are many different interpretations and, apart from the Quran, many sources are contested. Even the Quran has abundant interpretations. Feminist Muslim writers, such as Fatima Mernissi (1985), Riffat Hassan (1987), and Musdah Mulia (2004 and 2012), locate their interpretations in the primary source of Islam--the Quran. According to those readings, sexuality is seen in an affirmative, positive light, being generally described as a sign of God's mercy and generosity toward humanity, characterised by such valued qualities as tranquillity, love, and beauty. The California-based Muslim scholar Amina Wadud (1999) describes the jalal (masculine) and jamal (feminine) attributes of Allah as a manifestation of sacred unity. She maintains that Allah's jamal qualities are associated with beauty that, although originally evaluated as being at the same level as Allah's masculine qualities that are associated with majesty, have en subsumed in the 14 centuries since the Quran was revealed.

The Quran gives rise to multiple interpretations. Verse 30:21 is one of my favorites:

“And among Allah's signs is this. That Allah created for you spouses from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity whit them, and Allah has put love and mercy between your [hearts]: verily in that there are signs for those who reflect.”[2]

The verse is commonly used in marriage celebrations, and I also used it in my same-sex marriage ritual. It mentions the gender-neutral term 'spouse,' which leaves room for the interpretation that same-sex partners are included.

Indonesian waria (transwomen) derive hope from such texts. In 2008, Maryani, a well-respected waria, opened a pesantren (traditional Islamic religious school) for waria, named Al-Fatah, at her house in Yogyakarta. After her death in March 2014, it was temporarily closed, but fortunately soon reopened in nearby Kotagede. A sexual-rights activist, Shinta Ratri, opened her house to waria santri (santri are strict believers, linked to religious schools) so they could continue to receive religious education. At the official opening, Muslim scholar Abdul Muhaimin of the Faithful People Brotherhood Forum reminded the audience that, as everyone was made by God: "Everyone has the right to observe their religion in their own way...", and added: "I hoped the students here are strong, as they must face stigma in society."[3]

Prior to her death (after she had made the haj),[4] Maryani herself, a deeply-religious person, said: "Here we teach our friends to worship God. People who worship are seeking paradise, this is not limited to our sex or our clothing..."[5] So far, hers is the only waria pesantren in Indonesia, perhaps even globally, and may be due to the fact that Maryani was an exceptionally strong person who spoke at many human-rights meetings. In October 2010, I also interviewed her and was struck by her warm personality, courage, and clear views.

In spite of those progressive readings of the Quran, women's sexuality is interpreted in light of their servility to men in practice, and has been linked to men's honour rather than women's pleasure. Although marriage is not viewed as too sacred to be broken in Indonesia, it is regarded as a religious obligation by all. An unmarried woman over the age of 20 is considered to be a perawan tua ('old virgin'), and is confronted by a continuous barrage of questions as to when she will marry.

Muslim (and Christian) conservative leaders consider homosexuality to be a sin. Women in same-sex relations find themselves in a difficult corner, as exclusion from their religion is a heavy burden. Some simply pray at home, privately hoping that their God will forgive them and trusting in the compassion taught by their holy books. However, outside their private space, religious teachers and society at large denounce their lives as sinful and accuse them of having no religion.

Recent Indonesia legislation strengthens the conservative, heteronormative interpretations of Islam. Apart from the 2008 anti-pornography law (discussed below), a new health law was adopted that further tightened conservative Islam's grip on women's reproductive rights and marginalised non-heteronormative women. That 2009 health bill replaced the law of 1992, which had no chapter on reproductive health. The new law states that a healthy, reproductive, and sexual life may only be enjoyed with a 'lawful partner' and only without 'violating religious values'--which means that all of our narrators would be banned from enjoying healthy, sexual, and reproductive lives.[6]

Conservative statements are also made by women themselves; for example, members of the hard-line Islamic group Hizbut Tahrir, who not only want to restrict reproductive services (such as family planning) to lawfully-wedded heterosexual couples but also see population control as a 'weapon of the West' to weaken the country.[7] They propose to save Indonesia by the imposition of sharia laws. Hard-line Islamic interpretations are widely propagated and creep into the legal system, thus strengthening heteronormativity and further expelling non-normative others.

Yet strong feminist voices are also heard in Indonesia's Muslim circles. Even in a relation to one of the most controversial issues in Islam--homosexuality--a positive, feminist interpretation is possible. Indonesia's prominent feminist Muslim scholar, Siti Musdah Mulia, explains that homosexuality is a natural phenomenon as it was created by Allah, and thus allowed by Islam. The prohibition, however, is the work of fallible interpretations by religion scholars.[8] In her 2011 paper on sexual rights, Mulia bases herself on certain Indonesian traditions that honour transgender people, referring to bissu in south Sulawesi, and warok[9] in the reog dance form in Ponorogo. In those cases, transgender is linked to sacred powers and fertility. She stresses that the story of Lot, always cited as evidence of Quranic condemnation of homosexuality, is actually concerned with sexual violence--the people of Sodom were not the only ones faced with God's wrath, as the people of Gomorrah were also severely chastised even though there is no indication that they engaged in same-sex behaviour. Nor is there any hint of same-sex behaviour in relationship to Lot's poor wife, who was transformed into a pillar of salt. Mulia advances a humanistic interpretation of the Quran that stresses the principles of justice, equity, human dignity, love, and compassion (2011: 7). Her conclusion is that not Islam itself but rather its heterosexist and patriarchal interpretation leads to discrimination.

After the political liberalisation (Reformasi) of 1998, conservative religious groups (which had been banned at the height of the repressive New-Order regime) increased their influence. The dakwah ('spreading of Islam') movement, which grew from small Islamist usroh (cell, family) groups and aimed to turn Indonesia into a Muslim state, gathered momentum.[10] Islamist parties, such as the Partai Kesejahteraan Sosial (PKS), or Social Justice Party, gained wide popularity, although that was not translated into a large number of seats in the national parliament (Hefner 2012; Katjasungkana 2012). In the early Reformasi years, official discourse on women was based on women's rights, taking the 1995 Beijing Platform for Action as its guide, but recent discourse on an Islamic-family model--the so-called keluarga sakinah ('the happy family')--has become dominant in government circles (Wieringa 2015, forthcoming). The growing Islamist emphasis on a heteronormative family model, coupled with homophobia, is spreading in society. During KAN's [Kartini Asia Network for Gender and Women's Studies in Asia] September 2006 TOT [Training of Trainers] course in Jakarta, the following conversation was recorded:

“Farida: Religious teachers go on and on about homosexuality. They keep shouting that it is a very grave sin and that people will go straight to hell. My daughter is in the fifth form of primary school. She has a best friend and the two were inseparable. But the teachers managed to set them apart, as they were considered to be too close. The mother of my daughter's friend came to me crying; she was warned that she had to be careful with her child, or else she might get a daughter who was different. And now the new school regulations stress that a woman must wear the jilbab [headscarf].[11] This has put a lot of stress on tomboyish girls. They cannot wear the clothes they are comfortable with any more. Zeinab: When we were taught fiqih [Islamic law], we never discussed homosexuality. When we studied the issue of zinah [adultery], one of our group asked: "But how about a woman committing zinah with another woman, or a man with another man?" Our teacher just shook is head and muttered that that was not a good thing. The only story we learnt was about the prophet Luth [Lot]. But when we went to study the hadith [Islamic oral law], we found the prophet had a very close friend, Abu Harairah, who never married, while all men were always showing off their wives. There were some indications that he might have had a male lover. Yet the prophet is not known to have warned him. So, while the mainstream interpretation of Islam is that they condemn homosexuality, there are also other traditions that seem to be more tolerant, even from the life of the prophet himself.”

The above fragment shows how fundamentalist practices creep into every nook and cranny of Indonesian people's lives--the growing suspicion toward tomboys, forcible separation of close school friends, and enforcement of Muslim dress codes. But we also see a counter-protest arising. At the TOT training course, the women activists realised that patriarchal interpretations of religion had severely undermined women's space, and started looking for alternative interpretations, such as the story of the prophet's unmarried friend.

However, for many of our narrators, religion is a troubling issue. Putri, for instance, does not even want to discuss the rights of gays and lesbians in Indonesia; she thinks the future looks gloomy, with religious fundamentalism on the rise, and her dream of equal rights is buried by the increasing militancy of religious fanatics. [...]

Women-loving women

Religion is a sensitive aspect of the lives of our women-loving-women narrators, who are from world religions that, although propagating love and compassion in their distinct ways, interpret same-sex love negatively. In some cases, our narrators are able to look beyond the patriarchal interpretations of their religions, which preach hatred for what are emotions of great beauty and satisfaction to them, while others are devastated by guilt and shame. [...]

Indonesian male-identified Lee wonders why "people cannot see us as God's creatures?" but fears that Islam will never accept homosexuality. He knows the story of the prophet Lot, and how the city of Sodom was destroyed by God as a warning so others would not commit the sin of sodomy. Lee was raised as a good Muslim, and tries to follow what he has been taught are God's orders. For some time, he wore a man's outfit for praying.[16] At that time, he thought that religious duties--if conducted sincerely--were more important than his appearance but, after listening to some religious preachers, he felt that it was not right to wear men's clothing: "Sometimes I think it is not right, lying to myself, pretending to be someone else. We cannot lie to God, right? Even if I try to hide it, definitely God knows." So, after attending religious classes, he decided to wear the woman's outfit--the mukena--when praying at home.

Lia grew up in a strict Muslim family. When she pronounced herself to be a lesbian, it came as a shock to her relatives, who invoked the power of religion to cure her. When her mother went on the haj, she brought 'Zamzam water' from Mecca. The miraculous healing powers of the liquid from Mecca's Zamzam well were supposed to bring Lia back to the normal path. Dutifully, Lia drank from it and jokingly exclaimed: "Ah, my God, only now I realise how handsome Delon is!"[17] Yet she found succor in her religion when she went through a crisis in her relationship with Santi:

"When Santi hated me very much and avoided me, I prayed: "God, if it is true that you give me a guiding light, please give me a sign. But if it is a sin...please help me..." Was my relationship with Santi blessed or not? If it wasn't, surely God would have blocked the way, and if it way, would God broaden my path? As, after praying so hard, Santi and I became closer, God must have endorsed it. Does God listen to my prayer, or does God test me?"

So, even though she got together again with Santi after that fervent bout of praying, uncertainty gnaws at Lia, who realises that mainstream Islamic preachers prohibit homosexuality. Ideally, she feels that a person's religion must support people, but Islam does not do that because she is made to feel like a sinner. But, she says, the basic principle that Islam teaches is to love others. As long as she does that, Lia sees nothing wrong in herself as one of God's creatures. She realises that, particularly in the interpretation of the hadith (Islamic oral tradition), all manner of distortions have entered Islamic values, and wonders what was originally taught about homosexuality in Islam. She is aware that many Quranic texts about the status of women were manipulated in order to marginalise them, and avidly follows debates on feminist interpretations that stress that the real message of the Quran does not preach women's subordination.

Lia knows that there are lesbians in the pesantren who carry out religious obligations, such as praying and doing good deeds. If someone has been a lesbian for so long that it feels like natural character, and has been praying and fasting for many years, they cannot change into a heterosexual, she decided.

Religious values are also deeply inculcated in Sandy, who is tortured by guilt and shame about her lesbian desires. Although masculine in appearance and behaviour, she wears the mukena while praying both at home and at the mushola (small mosque) that she frequents. Since she was 23, when her mother died, she realised that what she did with her lover, Mira, was a sin and started reading religious books to discover what they said about people like her. She accepted the traditional interpretation of the story of Lot and the destruction of Sodom. When she was 25 years old, Mira left her to marry a man. Sandy was broken hearted and considered suicide. In that period of great distress, she realised that God prohibits suicide and just wanted her to give up her sinful life. She struggled hard against her desires for women and the masculinity in her:

"If I walk with women, I feel like a man; that I have to protect them. I feel that I am stronger than other women. But I also feel that I am a woman, I am sure that I am a woman, that is why I feel that I am different from others. I accept my own condition as an illness, not as my destiny. ... Yes, an illness, because we follow our lust. It we try to contain our lust, as religion teaches us, we would never be like this. So I try to stay close to God. I do my prayers, and a lot of zikir.[18] I even try to do tahajjud.[19]"

Sandy believes in the hereafter and does not want to spoil her chances of eternal bliss by engaging in something so clearly disproved of by religion, although she has not found any clear prohibitions against lesbianism in either the Quran or hadith.

Bhima, who considers himself to be a secular person, was brought up in a Muslim family. His identity card states that he is a Muslim, which got him into serious trouble when he went for his first sex-change operation at the end of the 1970s. He went through the necessary tests but the doctors hesitated when they looked at his ID, fearing the wrath of conservative clerics. Bhima was desperate:

"Listen, I have come this far! I have saved up for this, sold my car, relatives have contributed, how can you do this to me? Tell me what other religion I should take up and I will immediately get my identity card changed. I have never even been inside a mosque. I don't care about any institutionalised religion!"

The doctors did not heed his plea, instead advising him to get a letter of recommendation from a noted Muslim scholar. Undaunted, Bhima made an appointment with a progressive female psychologist who had been trained in Egypt and often gave liberal advice on Muslim issues on the radio. He managed to persuade her to write a letter of introduction to the well-known Muslim scholar Professor Hamka. Letter in hand, Bhima presented himself at the gate of Hamka's house, and was let in by the great scholar himself. Bhima pleaded his case, upon which Hamka opened the Quran and pointed to a passage that read "when you are ill, you must make all attempts to heal yourself":

"Are you ill?" Hamka asked. Bhima nodded vehemently. "Fine, so then tell them that the Quran advises to heal your illness." "It is better, sir," Bhima suggested, "that you write that down for them."

With that letter, Bhima had no problem to be accepted for the first operation, in which his breasts were removed.

Widows [...] In Eliana's case religion played an important role in her marriage--and subsequent divorce. While still at school, she had joined an usroh group (created to teach students about religious and social issues in the days of the Suharto dictatorship). Proper sexual behaviour played an important role in their teachings. According to usroh, a wife must be sexually subservient to her husband and accept all his wishes, even if they involve him taking a second wife. Eliana felt close to her spiritual leader and tried to sexually behave as a good Muslim wife would. She forced herself to give in to all her husband's sexual wishes, including blow jobs and watching pornography with him. Yet the leader blamed Eliana for not doing enough to please her husband, saying that is why he needed a second wife. Her teacher even asked if she was a lesbian, because she could not satisfy her husband. As both her spiritual leader and husband agreed that it was not nice for a man to have an intellectually-superior woman, she played down her intelligence. Eventually she divorced her husband.

Internalised lesbophobia and conservative-religious (in this case, Muslim) norms prevented Jenar for enjoying the short lesbian relationship that she had between her two marriages. It is interesting how she phrases the conversation, starting on the topic by emphasising how much she distrusted men after her divorce (because her husband did not financially provide for their family). The relationship with her woman lover was not long underway, and had not advanced beyond kissing, but she immediately felt that, according to religion, what she did was laknat (cursed). Anyway, she added, she was a 'normal,' heterosexual woman and did not feel much aroused when they were touching. A middle-aged, male friend added to her feeling of discomfort by emphasising that she would be cursed by God if it would continue. He then took her to a dukun (shaman), where she was bathed with flowers at midnight in order to cure her. That was apparently successful, for she gave the relationship up. However, even though she had stressed that she was 'normal' and did not respond sexually to her lover's advances, she ended the conversation by saying that she felt lesbianism was a 'contagious disease'. That remark stresses her own internalised homophobia but also emphasises her helplessness and lack of agency--contagion is something that cannot be avoided. It also hints at the strength of the pull she felt for a contagion that apparently could not be easily ignored. The important role of the dukun indicates that she follows the syncretist stream of Islam, mixed with elements of the pre-Islamic Javanese religion--Kejawen. [...]

Women in same-sex relationships [...]

As in India, the human-women's-lesbian-rights discourse is gaining momentum in Indonesia. It could only develop after 1998, when the country's dictator was finally forced to resign and a new climate of political openness was created. The new sexual-rights organisations not only opened a public space to discuss women's and sexual rights but also impacted on the behaviour of individuals within their organisations (as discussed in more detail in chapter 9). Before Lee joined a lesbian-rights group, he had decided to undergo sex-reassignment therapy (SRT) to physically become a man as much as possible. Activists warned him of the operations' health risks and asked whether he really needed such a change in order to live with his spouse. Lee feels secure within the group, and is happy to find like-minded people with whom he can share many of his concerns. Lee actively sought them out after reading a newspaper article about a gay male activist: he tracked him down at his workplace and obtained the address of the lesbian group. Lee is less afraid of what will happen when their neighborhood find out that Lee's body is female--as he says: "I have done nothing wrong, I haven't disturbed anyone, I have never asked anyone for food." However, Lee is worried about the media, where gay men and lesbian women are often represented as the sources of disease and disaster.

Lia had no idea what a lesbian was when she first fell in love with a woman. There were many tomboys like her playing in the school's softball team, and she once spotted a female couple in another school's softball team. Her relationship with Santi developed without, as Lia says, any guidance of previous information. Only at college in Yogyakarta did she start reading about homosexuality on the internet. Through the Suara Srikandi portal (one of the first lesbian groups in Jakarta), she came to know of other Indonesian lesbians. Another website that she frequently visited was the Indonesian Lesbian Forum, and one of her lecturers introduced her to the gay and lesbian movement in her city. In 2004, she publicly came out at a press conference. She first joined the KPI, which has an interest group of sexual minorities, but found the attitude of her feminist friends to be unsupportive and decided to join a lesbian-only group. The women activists only wanted to discuss the public role of women and domestic violence, and told her that lesbianism was a disease and a sin.

Lia wants to broaden the lesbian movement. She feels the movement is good in theory but lacking in practice--particularly in creating alliances with other suppressed groups, such as farmers and labourers. In focusing only on lesbians, not on discrimination and marginalisation itself, she asserts that it has become too exclusive. By socialising with other movements, she argues, they will better understand lesbian issues, and, in turn, that will help the lesbian movement. It is true, she concedes, that lesbians are stigmatised by all groups in society but, since 1998 (the fall of General Suharto), the country has seen a process of democratisation. "We must take up that opportunity and not be scared of stigma," she exhorts her friends in the lesbian movement. Lia herself joined a small, radical political party, the PRD,[33] and faced stigma ("we have a lesbian comrade; that's a sin, isn't it?"), but feels that she has ultimately been welcomed. Now, her major problem is to find the finances to conduct her activism. At the time of the interview, she had lost her job and could not find the means to print handouts for her PRD comrades.

Lia is a brave forerunner. At the time of the interview, her lesbian friends were too scared to follow in her footsteps and told her that she was only dreaming. However, her heterosexual friends (in the labour movement) said that they were bored with her, and found her insistence of a connection between the struggle for sexual and labour rights to be too pushy.

Lia dreams of equal rights for lesbians. First, she would like to see a gay-marriage law implemented in Indonesia, which would ensure that the property rights of surviving spouses are protected in case one passes away. She also would like to set up a shelter for lesbians, as she knows many young lesbians who have been thrown out of their family homes and are in need of support.

Sandy is rather hesitant about the rights she would like to see introduced to Indonesian society. Most of all, she wants to be accepted as a normal human being, where no one says bad things about or harasses lesbians like her. What women do in the privacy of their bedrooms is one thing. Women should have the right to have sex, for it comes straight from the heart--it is pure love. But, in public, their behavior should be impeccable: no kissing, no hugging, no holding of hands. However, Sandy thinks that marriage rights for lesbians will not happen in Indonesia, and are only possible in Christian countries. But, minimally, she hopes to lead a life without discrimination or violence:

"If they see us as normal, they won't bother us. We are human, but if we act provocatively then it is ok for them to even hang us ... [I just hope they] won't harass us, or humiliate us. That is all I ask, that if we are being humiliated there is a law to prevent it. That a person like me is protected. To be laughed at is okay, but it is too much if they throw stones at us and if we are not allowed to work."

Sex workers want the right to work without being harassed, and women in same-sex relationships want to be treated like 'normal' human beings and enjoy socio-sexual rights, such as health benefits or the right to buy joint property. Yet the state does not provide those rights and does not protect its citizens in equal measure. As a major agent of heteronormativity, it restricts its benefits and protection to those within its margins. Couples with social stigma and conservative-religious interpretations, some of our narrators have reached deep levels of depression.