#Saren the space hamster

[ramblinganthropologist]

Duolingo was giving me phrases perfect for Alistair Shepard.

[blood-darkened-moon]

Mass Effect

Shepard | Femshep/Maleshep | Ryder

Companions Garrus Vakarian | Tali’zorah | Liara T’Soni | Edi | Legion | Urdnot Wrex | Grunt | Javik | Samara | Morinth | Kasumi Goto | Jack | Miranda Lawson | Jacob Taylor | Mordin Solus | Thane Krios | Ashley Williams | Kaidan Alenko | Zaeed Massani

Peebee/Pelessaria B'Sayle | Vetra Nyx | Jaal Ama Darav

Characters Aria T’Loak | Nyreen Kandros | Steven Hackett | Saren Arterius | Joker/Jeff Moreau | Keiji Okuda | Kolyat Krios | Matriarch Benezia |Urdnot Bakara | Space Hamster | The Illusive Man | James Vega | Karin Chakwas

Others Asari | Krogan | Geth | Husk | Turian | Vorcha | Reapers

[ghostxofxartemis]

heads up 7 up

Was tagged by both @dandenbo and @scribblesdg to share seven sentence. Thank you, my friends.

Tagging @elleweird @nightmarestudio606 @miniature-space-hamster @screwyouflightlieutenant anyone who wants to participe.

“Recruit…” Theodore scuffs. “We’d be better off giving ourself up. Wouldn’t extension be better than death? Or to be turned into one of them.”

They don’t have time for this, and from what Rea and Kaidan have told him about Saren, Theodore is a lost cause.

Will steels himself as he lifts his pistol, and presses it against Theordore’s head and squeezes the trigger. He hears Cy stiffle a laugh, which sounds more like a snort, and sees Candice and Miller exchange a horrified glance. He’s let them in on too much, part him knows they now fear him a little, and he’s not sure how he’ll be able to amend this friendship. He can’t worry about that right now.

“What the hell Will?!” Darren comes running along, but slows down with his hands raised as he approaches Will. “Why the blood hell did you do that for?!”

“Because he was indoctrinated and was about to give you all up the reapers.”

Darren’s eyebows furrow together as he takes this in, thinking it over in his head, for a moment.

“So… Rea hasn’t totally gotten of the ledge, then…” Darren starts.

The motion is involuntary, as Will connects his fist to Darren’s jaw.

Darren drops to the floor, hand rubbing his, already redned, jaw, and spits out the blood.

“Fucking hell…. I deserved that,” he mutters. “While you’re at it, throwing punches, if you want to give me another one… I slept with Rea a few times.” Darren states.

“Yeah, I know about that.” Will shrugs, after all, she didn’t break any rules; it’s not like he ever came home to find his roomate still in his bed with Rea. He oustretches hi hand, as a sign of truce, and Darren accepts it. Will pulls him up to his feet and taps taps Darren's shoulder.

[fllagellant]

Okay though about it some more .. bring me my four missing members

Minthara is a Turian to me .. to me !!! High ranking in her own family , but her family name losing weight over the years , she’ s desperate to manage to gain some sort of higher standing .. I don’ t want her to be a Saren stand-in or anything similar , but with how I have things thought out in my mind … she is in service to the new council ( dead three . To be fully figured out later ) and is under Heavy indoctrination to keep her protecting them and their interests . She falls out of favour when her squad + the fun pro-reaper base she set up gets Wiped . Just like virmire …. I like to think she reaches out to SR Faerûn / Swords Coast / [ Name Of Wyll’ s Ship Here ] when she gets tossed aside and the indoctrination fades enough for her to see what’ s Been Happening and what Will Happen .. Yknow the Turian Cabal multiplayer class ? That’ s her

Halsin .. this is Fucking Difficult . Honestly im gonna roll with this . He is a Geth Juggernaut specifically . He left his collective consciousness because he noticed the sort of corruption was spreading and he knew he had to leave before it uploaded onto him . Trying to understand the sudden wave of trying to follow the Old Ones and the push for War but um . A Geth isn’ t really seen as a friend in space !! He chose the name Halsin bc . Uh . Okay I cannot really use a definition or anything bc google just told me Halsin stems from an Irish word meaning Lump . Lump …. But he does adopt the name and is unwaveringly focused on trying to find out what is going on with the other Geth and how to stop ( or stall ) the old machines

Jaheira is the pilot .. she’ s been through the wringer with the Alliance ( High Harpers being a code name for her squad ) and Khalid was always her co-pilot .. lost him years back after a rough crash . She has plenty of old stories , and has always been the pilot for the SR Faerûn / Swords Coast / [ Name Of Wyll’ s Ship Here ] , and took the offer to pilot it again when Wyll took command of the ship . She stays in contact with her old squad and gets them to give her + the crew useful intel and updates on events happening around the Milky Way .. this Does also expose how fast reaper indoctrination is spreading when they get betrayed … honestly very tempted to tie Jaheira to the Shadow Broker storyline .. I think she deserves it .

Listen to me I Know Minsc is the stereotypical haha stupid . But someone has to run ship maintenance . Someone has to . Wasn’ t a part of the deal when Jaheira became the flight lieutenant , so he still has to deal with The Horrors . But he gets pulled out of there quickly when Jaheira catches onto everything .. also used to serve on SR Faerûn / Swords Coast / [ Name Of Wyll’ s Ship Here ] , and like to tell old stories in tandem with Jaheria . He was a good soilder ! But he doesn’ t see a lot of active duty anymore like being on the ground , extremely bad for his health . Boo is his therapy animal . There is a space hamster LOOSE on the SHIP .. he’ s extremely good with the ship and the systems , so he keeps busy with checking engine or recalibrating the flight drives .. he can also be found in the co-pilot seat pretty often . He’ s good at being company

Okay . She mass on my gate until the Baldur is effected . Is this Anything .

Like I said b4 … Wyll is a human Spectre with artificial biotics that Mizora funds and controls . Hidden face of the Alliance he probably doesn’ t have any identifying symbols but he’ s . He is the Omniblade of the Frontiers . You feel me ? He would be a Sentinel honestly … the class just fits him the best … Rarely gets actual assignments but always has access to a ship , aid , evac , etc due to being a spectre and also … Mizora … she is not letting him go he is her magnum opus .. like I also stated b4 the artificial biotics definitely have very Adverse and Dangerous side effects , so he has to keep up with a lot of medication and routine hospital checks and medical testing , but he also cannot have it removed unless Mizora willingly removes it , because she is the only one that really can ..

Karlach . Okay . So . She has to be like a Cerberus Super Solider Test right . Like she was under Project Zariel and the whole point was to make an extremely powerful and unbeatable soilder , leading to still having her heart replaced with a mechanical replacement . That is still killing her because it’ s not like it was anything more that a prototype , and she escaped before it was fully fixed and updated so she could live without needed it monitored and constantly tweaked 24/7 .. now I know that this would make her human but the vision of Krogan or YAGH KARLACH is also fucking dope .. sorry Yagh Karlach is like cocomelon to me right now . Honestly I think that’ s gonna be the only way . Yaghlach …. Full solider class , something like a Dragoon without biotic whips

Astarion is Ardak-Yakshi . Look me in my eyes and tell me I am wrong . I am not . Um I think huntresses are like . The asari term for infiltrators … he kinda has to be that . When he was being transported to the Monastery , the ship got attacked and Cazador was the one to “ save him “ . Now , here’ s where I am pondering . Cazador can be another Ardak-Yakshi , targeting others when they are being transported to the monasteries , and is trying to like . Set up his own personal army of them . You know how Morinth says that Ardak-Yakshi are the perfect future of the Asari race ? Yeah . He’ s taking that to heart . OR . Or . He can be a scientist . Human , maybe , or whatever . But he is a non-asari Fully fixated on Ardak-Yakshi and trying to understand how it develops and how he can utilize it . Can he somehow develop something to mimic this power , can he work backwards to recreate it … etc etc

… Lae’zel should be a Prothean survivor . I was kinda going back and forth between Quarian or Batarian , but she would be a fucking Prothean !!!!! Avatar of go fuck yourself . She would be similar to Javik and be an avatar of something very similar . Revenge , I think . I think she would choose Revenge to be what she represents. I mean , Protheans and Collectors echo Gith and Mindflayers to Be Clear and Frank .. Prothean born near the end of her original cycle and was forced into a cryopod .. ohh wouldn’ t it be fucked up if Voss gave up his pod for her ? Like he knew they would need her and her youth and her ability to adapt for the next cycle and made sure she would survive .. ORPHEUS . Ohh okay . She thinks that he was a betrayer and ratted out Prothean resistance groups but she learns through having access to the archive and with new research that he was the last standing against indoctrinated groups trying to betray a save zone … yeah … Vlaakith is like . Sovereign . And keeps trying to speak to her through the collectors and trying to convince her to join them . She also probably preys upon her fear of being forgotten or failing her duty .. Ohhh fuck yeah

Gale is . Okay I have Two Ideas . The most ‘ correct ‘ one is that he is a Drell biotic who would be like . A wandering scholar ? Like his purpose is to gather knowledge and experience and bring it back to Kahje . Mystra could be the one he serves in a Compact , alongside other drell like Elminster .. he’ s been sent off world after getting too cocky and overstepping in the eyes of Mystra , and he needs to go learn humility before he can return back . He’ s an adept .. trying to translate the orb … either it is Kepral’s Syndrome and he’ s gone without care for it for a concerning stretch of time , or it could be related to biotics in some way … how ? Good question . But honestly it would make the most sense if he did have Kepral’s Syndrome in place of the orb . Okay second idea that I won’ t go with but i like . Geth Gale ( chose the name Gale based on the definitions of both a strong wind and an outburst ) who is now an outlier Geth .. MYSTRA was like . A group name for his collective mind until he was cast out from the group . YOU GOTTA ADMIT YOU GET THIS VISION TOO

Shadowheart . I really like her as a Quarian .. Quarian who was taken away from the fleet and raised outside of it .. being told all her life her family gave her up and traded her so they couldn’ t be exiled from the fleet .. So she lives in full resentment of them and the fleet and other Quarians she sees on pilgrimage because of how cruel it was for her to not have that , that her family gave her up and never tried to contact her , that the fleet would be so cruel to her and allow such a trade off ... but that isn’ t actually true . She was forcefully taken and raised by non-quarians , mostly because they saw her as a chance to try and understand the Quarian immune systems and responses and use that research for riches … if they can reverse engineer a way to artificially boost immune systems and make Quarians pay a random for it , then.. project SHAR . That is what I’ ll call it . That is also why her hand is constantly injured they’ re running tests and using that wound like a controlled variable . Aylin and Isobel are Quarians too , and Aylin has been on a hunt to find Shadowheart since she learned of her kidnapping .. she’ s the team medic but also the engineer … spirit guardians are still a thing they are drones that shoot rockets at you

[glamfellens]

I think Audrey deserves Saren's strange little floating disc. After the war, she should use it to float around the apartment. Sometimes Space Hamster uses it.

audrey puts space hamster on there because "he likes to be tall"

[garruson-vakarian]

ME + DA Friend Pairings

Okay but hear me out...

Shepard x The Warden/The Inquisitor

They would share stories of their heroism and their incredible strokes of luck. They would enjoy each other’s company, but would respectfully leave each other be out of the fear that some conflict would spawn out of nowhere and threaten the world (again).

Jeff “Joker” Moreau x Hawke / Varric Tethras

They would absolutely need tissues from crying out of laughter. No one would be safe from the treachery of their humor. Joker would spin stories at a rate that even Hawke was impressed with... Varric may have met his match. That begs the question, though: How much of  their stories are true?

Garrus Vakarian x Cullen Rutherford

Calibrations, strategy, and weaponry. Need I say more? These two would deliberate on their dreadful pasts and reflect on how they have changed their lives little by little to ensure that those tragedies don’t repeat themselves as long as they are still alive.

Kaidan Alenko x Alistair Theirin

Strong connections to their homeland. Would probably argue over who has the best national anthem, but laugh about it later over a warm homemade brew of Canadian-Fereldan craft beer.

Liara T’Soni x Lace Harding / Shaper Valta (same voice actress!)

Precious cinnamon rolls. All three of them. Each of them are curious about the world around them and are passionate when they talk about their work. However, they would not need to be protected at all costs, for they could easily protect themselves.

James Vega x The Iron Bull (same voice actor!)

They would host public contests to showcase who is stronger. Iron Bull would either hit James or hit on him. There’s no telling which would take place (first). There would be lots of competing and dancing between the two of them. Jimmy and Patches would have trouble getting bored.

Zaeed Massani x Fenris

Vengefully brooding in some corner, no doubt leaving a trail of dead bodies behind them. Zaeed would tell Fenris stories of how he killed a number of slavers as a mercenary, which would make him feel more comfortable in his company. Fenris, in turn, humored Zaeed by explaining how his hate for mages applies to biotics.

Urdnot Wrex x Sten

Severe levels of loyalty to their kin, to the point where they can make questionable decisions out of blind loyalty. They find respect for each other after questioning each other in their decisions and finding that they both learned from their experiences, and that an outsider’s influence may not have been the worst thing that could have happened to them.

Grunt x Oghren

Would absolutely attempt to out-drink each other. Grunt would learn to respect Oghren after he drank four bottles of ryncol and still managed to swing his axe in a 360 motion seven times without falling over. Grunt could do double that, but it was still more than anything a being half of his height could do.

Samara x Wynne

These two would talk about their need to protect others, and how their motherly love has grown to benefit those who need it. While Samara is dictated by the code, Wynne is aided by the spirit that possesses her. They ponder how they are lucky to be born with the gifts they are given, and that they are content with whatever fate has in store for them.

Thane Krios x Solas

I would be surprised if they did not discuss the meaning of life. They take pride in the fact that their role in their own lives is to serve as they are needed, and accept that some powers are greater than their own. However, this would not stop either of them in their endeavors to ensure that the ones they love are safe. Solas would attempt to replicate Thane’s reflective and vivid memories in the Fade, and invite him to experience it to lighten his burdens.

Morinth x Zevran Arainai

A dangerously provocative duo. These two would constantly tease each other into a bed somewhere, where Morinth could attempt to get Zevran to embrace eternity. Luckily, Zevran is smart enough to know when he is about to be overwhelmed by a woman (in a bad way), and can easily weasel his way out of her grasp. Regardless, the cycle continues.

Miranda Lawson x Isabella

These ladies would likely find comfort in talking about the little things that give them so much in common. It would help take away from their hectic lives, and allow peace to be found in fashion catalogs and their fierce independence.

Jack x Sera

At first, Jack would be incredibly annoyed by Sera. I mean, really, really annoyed. That is, until Jack stumbles upon some brownies in her quarters. Sera’s baking skills have improved since the bad cookies, and have evolved into a mastery of a red sand and lyrium brownies. It started out as a prank, but Jack makes sure to carry a few of them with her wherever she goes now, usually to remind herself not to destroy Sera the next time she sees her.

Kasumi Goto x Leliana

These girls would create some kind of secret language they could use to share information in a normal conversation with their peers. Even though they would refuse to share any secrets of their own, they would at least have fun with each other in the new world they have created together.

Ashley Williams x Anders

Both of these characters would share their constant strife with their unpopular opinions, which they do not hesitate to share. While they may find it difficult to get along with their peers because of this, they manage to get along with each other due to their dedication to their morals.

Commander Bailey x Blackwall

Would sit in immeasurable amounts of guilt and silence and avoid eye contact like the plague. Still, they could do that together and have a mutual understanding without speaking a word. The crossed arms would be enough.

Tali’Zorah vas Normandy x Josephine Montiliyet

They would share stories of their people’s history, which took place in ships that led to the success of generations. Each of them would explain the logistics of the ships they speak of, and be shocked in the stark difference between them. However, they would no doubt take notes of the intricate and fragile operations they function within.

Legion x Cole / Justice

An interesting combination, these three are. They have had the most elaborate journeys in self discovery, that they find it most beneficial that they share their knowledge. They also face identity crises, and find the experience most enlightening. They share the fear of becoming corrupted in the world they live in, which is a fear that is often shared with organics outside of the veil.

Mordin Solus x Merrill

Two researchers who are known for their questionable work, Mordin and Merrill would have the most interesting interactions. Merrill would be too anxious to cut Mordin off to explain how her magic works, so she would just silently sit and watch him pace back and forth and wait until he got close to passing out.

Dr. Karin Chakwas x Flemeth

Incredible amounts of wisdom. Essentially cares for others as needed, and they would go out of their way to ensure that others heed their warnings. Chakwas would share her grief about Joker and his resistance to take his medicine, while Flemeth would share her grief about Morrigan and her resistance to take her seriously.

Aria x Morrigan

They have both worked hard to attain their knowledge and power, and they will fight others to the death over what is theirs. However, if they grow close enough, they ~might~ show each other some vulnerability out of the sheer confidence that they are strong enough to destroy the other. However, Aria would remember Nyreen’s ethics and try to ensure that Kieran remains untouched.

[ramblinganthropologist]

Oh totally. You can only keep it in check so long.

With my Shepard, the moment he's in the elevator it's countdown to a breakdown. Saren the hamster sees all and says nothing.

Do you think Commander Shepard just,,, walked all dignified to their private room on the Normandy and as soon as the door whizzed closed just flopped on their bed and screamed into their pillow

[cactuarkitty]

Send me a Mass Effect character.

shepard: do you collect anything?

nihlus: fav bird?

joker: do you have any nicknames?

kaidan: fav hot drink?

ashley: do you have any siblings? if so, how many?

wrex: do you want kids? or do you have any kids?

garrus: can you swim?

liara: fav precious gemstone?

tali: what are your hobbies?

the illusive man: pet peeves?

miranda: what’s your aesthetic?

jacob: have you ever won a priiiiize?

mordin: what songs have you completely memorised?

jack: do you have any tattoos?

grunt: fav dinosaur?

edi: why did the chicken cross the road? (that is a joke)

thane: what is one of your favourite dreams you can remember?

zaeed: do you swear? what are your fav swear words?

kasumi: have you ever stolen anything?

samara: what’s your star sign?

legion: fav sci fi movie, book, and/or tv series?

james: pineapple on pizza? yay or nay?

javik: what’s something you do that people think is a bit weird?

kai leng: have you ever sent anyone a nasty anon?

cortez: do you like to drive and/or what’s your favourite mode of transportation?

traynor: what is your fav board and/or card game?

captain anderson: who inspires you?

kelly: fav fish or marine animal?

dr chakwas: have you ever broken a bone?

admiral hackett: are there any skills or hobbies you’d really like to learn?

space hamster: do you have any pets? if so, tell us about them.

husk head: do you have any phobias?

saren: do you have any scars?

aria: what’s something that not many people know about you?

nyreen: what are you passionate about?

morinth: what are some of your bad habits?

allers: favourite foods?

[omegastation]

TIME TO FIND THE MOST LIKELY SUSPECTS

We got 194 answers to the survey.  (Note: suggestions were provided so that makes it extremely biased. For example, I forgot to suggest Henry Lawson. I think more people would have voted for him if he had been on the list.)

FIRST GUESS: THE ILLUSIVE MAN (31,4% - 61 votes)

SECOND GUESS: AN AI (THAT WE HAVEN’T SEEN BEFORE) (10,8% - 21 votes)

THIRD GUESS: LIARA T’SONI (8,8% - 17 votes)

Other guesses by order of votes:

The Previous Shadow Broker: 15 votes

A Geth: 9 votes

The Jardaan: 9 votes

An Asari Matriarch: 7 votes

A private company: 5 votes

Rogue Reaper: 5 votes

Jarun Tann: 4 votes

Reyes Vidal: 4 votes

Addison: 3 votes

Avina: 2 votes

Saren Arterius: 2 votes

Shepard: 2 votes

Blasto: 2 votes

1 vote (almost all are suggestions):

Collectors

Another SAM

Henry Lawson

Asari Government

Conrad Verner

The Reapers

Biotic God, Niftu Call

Councilor Tevos

A Spectre

Todd Howard

The Final Pam

The Illuminati

Jeff Kaplan 

Paaran Shie

A combination of Saren, the previous Shadowbroker and the geth (heretic group)

Morlan from Morlan's Famous Shop

A Leviathan hoping to start over in a Reaper-less galaxy

That one Salarian that asks you to stop touching his shit on Sur'Kesh

Space Hamster

me

Escaped AI from ME1

Helena Blake

The Shifty Cow

Jaa'm

Anderson

There you go :) Thank you for answering the survey!

[ramblinganthropologist]

N7 24 2 - Reflection

Summary: Alistair's got some things to get used to after coming back to life. More than the implants, it's the things he's missing that catch him off guard the most.

---

Well, at least he could still… somewhat… shoot straight.

“I think you need to upgrade your mods, Al.” Bo ribbed him in the side as they exited the Normandy’s airlock after returning to the ship. “You’re back to not being able to hit the broad side of a barn.”

Joker’s voice carried from the front of the Normandy to add commentary. “I missed his shots going wild. Good to see they got that back, Shepard.”

Yeah, yeah, everyone was a wise guy. He had passed N7 training, you know…

Alistair accepted the jokes, mostly because his head hurt and talking made things worse. All he wanted to do was get out of his armor and into bed. The pain was behind his right eye then, and he had plenty of reasons to guess why. But they didn’t matter – he just wanted to sleep it off.

After he returned to his regular clothes and put his weapons aside, he rode the elevator up to his quarters. Saren was the first thing he saw upon entering the room. The little guy was settling into his new home nicely, judging by how much bedding he had kicked around. Right then he was chewing on a seed, looking at him with what he could only consider outright suspicion.

That was fair – they were still getting to know each other. He was still working on getting the hamster to trust him.

“Nice to see you too, Saren. I’m glad to see you’re enjoying the food mix I put together.” Had this been his last hamster, he would’ve stopped by for a pat. However, his new hamster wasn’t Fluffytail – he was Omega born and bred, and it showed in his angry little personality. Or maybe that was due to Bo’s husbandry – she had been the one to care for him for a month.

Nah. He was named after Saren Arterius for a reason.

The hamster kept chewing his seed, paying him no mind. Alistair was surprisingly glad for that as he headed to the bathroom to shower before heading for bed. Lately, everyone wanted something out of him. Apparently, being dead for two years had built up a lot of requests that people were eager to cash in on.

At any rate, soon he was in the shower, hot water hitting his recently reconstructed back. Lucky for him, that still felt really good and helped to work out some of the tension brought on by wearing armor and getting shot at. He sighed in relief as he leaned against the wall, shutting his eyes as he took it in. At least Cerberus had managed to give him something good.

Unlike giving him breasts and a uterus again. Seriously, why the hell had Miranda thought either of those were worth the credits?

“Remind me to kick her ass if I start bleeding in a month.” He sighed, shaking his head.

“Understood, Commander.”

Alistair almost jumped out of his skin as the robotic voice sounded through the shower. It took a second for his heart rate to slow and his brain to focus. Due to his bliss from the hot water, he had forgotten he wasn’t technically alone in his quarters.

“EDI, you scared me.”

He shut off the water and grabbed for a towel to dry off. “And I wasn’t being serious about that.”

The AI’s module blinked in the corner. “Very well, Commander. I will not remind you should your cycle commence.”

Wonderful; the last thing he needed was for Miranda to find out he had it out for her. No doubt she knew it, but there was a difference between having a feeling and it being outright confirmed with evidence. He still had to be on the same ship as her – it was best to keep things professional. After all, she was working for the Illusive Man. No doubt she was reporting back where the data didn’t reach.

At any rate, he finished drying off. Before he left the bathroom, his eyes glossed over the sink. There was a mirror there, steamed up from his shower. Alistair frowned as he stopped in front of it. He had been avoiding this for a while now.

“I guess I better get it over with.” Still frowning, he reached out to wipe the condensation from the mirror. Thanks to his height and reach, he uncovered the bottom half first. All he got from that was hot water reddened skin with far too many freckles to even count. It looked normal – but then he saw the cut by his collarbone glowing red.

He had been doing his best to not take stock of his body during the shower, but he had plenty of those cuts. According to Miranda, they would’ve closed up had he had enough time to heal. Unfortunately for him, the base he had been reborn in had kind of gone to hell and required him to get up sooner. Thus, angry red cuts showing off his implants.

It… wasn’t pleasant.

Still, half of the mirror was still covered. This required him to get closer in order to uncover it. His hand twitched as he approached, and he pulled it back for a moment. It was just a mirror after all – it wasn’t going to shoot him. Even he knew he was being ridiculous.

“Come on, time to see what she did.”

Finally, he managed to wipe off the entire mirror. Alistair’s frown deepened as he got the full picture of his reflection. A pale, freckled face stared back at him, framed by sopping wet red hair that hung at his shoulder. His cheeks were still red from the shower, and his eyes weren’t quite looking straight on.

That was the weird thing – having two working eyes again.

“No wonder I’m getting a headache, I’m adjusting to depth perception again.” He laid his hand over the eye Miranda had replaced, closing it to ward off the headache. He found smooth skin there, rather than the bumpy scar tissue that he had come to know for years. It was only natural they had rebuilt it without that, because returning it to his face would’ve required getting whatever came out of a Thresher Maw’s mouth. Even for Cerberus, that was a big ask.

But he had grown used to those scars and the white, dead eye staring back at him. He had adapted his life to lacking depth perception and learned to fight without it. Now that it was back, it was throwing him off. Even his mods couldn’t help him, as they were configured to his pre-death mode.

He was going to have to tweak that when he got the chance…

Alistair still traced the area of his skin where the scar had once been, ghosting around his restored eyebrow, and traveling back to behind his ear. There was hair there now, but he remembered the shape when he closed his eyes.

Bo had always complained it made shaving the side of his head difficult. She’d have an easier time of it now.

When he reopened his eyes, he frowned again. Smaller scars were missing too – the one that used to cut through his left eyebrow, leftover from a wound he had received on Mindoir during the batarian raid, was gone. Without it, he felt strangely naked. After all, it had been there for almost half his life.

“I guess they couldn’t get those back without hurting me.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Still feels weird.”

It wasn’t as weird as the implant cuts, however. His face had plenty of them, the longest along his jawline and cutting across his reconstructed forehead. Something about his new eye felt off too – he swore he saw it glow dully in the dark when he shut off the lights. They looked deep, but they didn’t bleed. Instead, they just glowed red and made him look even ruddier.

Chakwas said they would close up with time and a good attitude. He could only hope she was right about that.

Alistair shook his head as he exited the bathroom, towel tied around his body. He dug for clothes nearby, eventually pulling out an obnoxious orange hoodie with ears on it. Seeing it made him smile – Bo had saved his clothes for him after he had died. It would have been weird to go around in Cerberus issued clothing, so he was glad for that as he settled into getting dressed.

No doubt a bright orange hoodie and equally obnoxiously colored green shorts would drive Miranda mad if she saw him, but whatever. It was comfortable and hid the worst of his body when he didn’t want to look at it.

Apparently, insecurities survived past death. Who knew?

Alistair would’ve brooded on that, but he didn’t get the chance. The door dinged and then slid open to reveal a mountain of a woman carrying a family sized bag of dinosaur chicken nuggets. Apparently, they had changed the mix since he had died – same time era, but different dinosaurs. Odd choice, but whatever.

Bo stepped into the room, popping a nugget into her mouth. She chewed for a while, red eyes giving him a once over. Because of that, he felt his back go ramrod straight as if he was being evaluated by a higher up. It was a miracle he didn’t clasp his hands behind his back – his muscles definitely wanted to do it, but he fought against the urge.

That would just get him laughed at.

“I should’ve kept those shorts in the storage unit.”

Bo shot him a blank look as she rummaged through the bag. “Guess Cerberus couldn’t give you fashion sense.”

Alistair chuckled slightly as he motioned for her to follow him in. “Hey, it’s like Miranda said. They had to put me back the way they found me. That would give it away that they were messing with my brain.”

Bo took a seat on the couch, while he sat on the unmade bed. She kept eating her nuggets, but occasionally her eyes would wander over to him. Part of him wondered what she was seeing that kept drawing her interest, but it never left his tongue. If he gave her time, she would say it eventually. It might take a few nuggets, but time would win out.

Her eyes found the remade fish tank. “Saren’s got a new home then.”

“Yeah, I drained the water and made sure he could get air. I’m not a fan of fish, and he could enjoy it more.” Alistair shrugged. “He seems to be settling in nicely, but I haven’t really gotten much of a chance to interact with him. When I get the chance we’ll start hand training. Hopefully, he’ll catch on.”

If not, well, he’ll just remain an observational pet. As much as he wanted to get to know his new hamster, he wasn’t going to push the little guy’s boundaries further than they could go. It was still a new relationship, and there were plenty of chances to mess things up.

“He’s bitey. It’s why I named him Saren.”

Her hand stopped digging through the nuggets, however, and a strange look filled her eyes. Alistair cocked his eyebrow as he watched her, half wondering if her timer had finally gone off. It was faster than he thought. Maybe it had lessened over the years.

“Did I fuck up modding your gun?”

He cocked his head to the side. “What?”

“I rebuilt your gun and put the mod back in.” She kept her eyes on the bag of nuggets like it was a lifeline. “I could’ve fucked something up that makes it shoot wrong. Are you going to be able to unfuck it?”

Alistair let the question run through his mind, trying to piece it together. True, he had noticed that parts of his favorite gun had seemed… different when he had first checked it over after suiting up. Some pieces were new, others modified to fit. Yet they had worked as well as the original version had, so he had seen no need to question it.

“You had to rebuild my gun?”

Bo nodded. “It was in little pieces when they gave it back to me. They didn’t recover everything so I had to find other parts.”

Something about that made Alistair’s throat tight. His eyes watered, but he blinked it off before she could see. If he started to cry in front of her, things would get awkward. After all, his sister hated crying more than anything.

Well, less than Cerberus, but more than Alex Ryder.

“I think you did just fine.” He managed a smile, though his throat still tickled. “Not bad for someone who doesn’t have a tech background, actually. You must’ve really busted your ass on it.”

She looked to the side briefly – somebody was embarrassed. “Clearly I didn’t do a good job if you keep missing like that.”

It was then that everything fell into place.

“Wait…” he blinked. “Do you think I’m shooting badly because you rebuilt my gun wrong?”

He could practically feel the heat from her face. “I mean, you’re not good normally, but that was awful back there. I figured I did something wrong and you’d have to redo it. I think I still have the tools I used if you didn’t get yours back…”

She trailed off. “How bad did I fuck it up?”

In that moment, Alistair forgot about everything he had seen in the mirror after his shower. Instead, his shoulders shook with mirth as he threw back his head and laughed. His lungs burned from the effort, but it was worth it.

“What?”

He chuckled as he wiped a tear from his eye. “Bo, you didn’t do anything wrong. My aim is awful because I got my depth perception back. The mods are designed to work with my old vision levels. They’re overcompensating and throwing me off.”

That, and he was probably out of practice from being dead for two years. Maybe he should get some time for it during the next time they touched down on the Citadel. It would at least give him data he could use to reconfigure his mods for his new abilities.

Bo blinked this time, and silence fell over the room. Still, he felt a lot lighter as he waited for her response. Truly, he was touched she had worried about him and his crappy aim somehow being worse.

But no, nothing was wrong with the gun. The error was coming from between the trigger and the Normandy.

“You asshole.” She reached over to thump him in the shoulder, not hard enough to bruise but enough to ask. “You could’ve told me that.”

Alistair winced as he rubbed his arm. “I didn’t think about it until you brought it up! I figured I was just getting headaches because everything was still settling in.”

“Fucking depth perception…” She shook her head, before returning to her nuggets. “You made me think I fucked it up.”

Then she went back to eating, decimating the breaded brachiosaurs. Alistair watched her, glad she was there. After everything he had seen in the bathroom, it was nice to have something in his life remain normal.

Or… as normal as it was going to get as they chased after the Collectors. That was still pretty damn weird. Why was everything he involved with so damn weird?

[ramblinganthropologist]

N7 24 28 - Expression

Summary: Alistair and Garrus are having a bad night. Luckily, they can fix that together.

---

 Darkness… pressure. He couldn’t breathe… everything was so cold. It felt like his armor was crushing into him… there was a leak in his air. He could see it, he-

Alistair launched up in bed, sweat pouring down his face as his chest heaved. Wide-eyed, he glanced around, half expecting to see the debris left over from the Normandy being destroyed by the Collectors. But there was no rubble, no broken ship. Instead, he was surrounded by whole walls and Saren’s enclosure off to the side.

His hamster was staring at him like he had two heads.

“Shit… it was just a dream…” He shook his head as he got out of bed, padding over to check on Saren. The little guy was taking a break from his nightly 5 mile run to get a drink of water – his little paw was still on the bottle. Apparently, someone had gotten distracted by their owner.

Sorry, little guy.

He smiled as he opened the enclosure and reached out his hand. Saren slowly approached, cautious as always. Thanks to the work they had done, he was no longer bite first, ask questions later. However, he was still Omega born and bred, so he wasn’t big on cuddling. Still, he climbed into the waiting hand and didn’t try to bite his fingers.

“Hey, buddy.” Alistair carefully pulled him out, bringing him over to the couch. “Having a good night?”

He gently patted the hamster’s head, thumb rubbing against his soft white fur. Saren accepted the touch without complaint, which was miles better than he had been in the past. Maybe he was just maturing, or the handling time was working after all. Either way, he wasn’t leaving bite marks, so it was a victory.

Victories were in short supply lately.

“I’m just glad I was able to get you from Kelly once we got to the Citadel.” He sighed, looking down at the hamster in his hands. While he had been on house arrest on Earth, his niece had been taking care of Saren. His sister hadn’t been too happy about that, but she had agreed if only to do one small kindness for him. At least their cat hadn’t been interested – Spectre wasn’t a hamster lover. “I missed you, little guy.”

Part of him envied the hamster. The only things Saren worried about was if he had enough seeds in his food mix and if his tunnel was going to collapse on him. He didn’t have to worry about the Reapers and what they meant for the galaxy. Hell, he wasn’t even on the list of things the Reapers would go after thanks to the fact his people hadn’t achieved space transit.

Hamsters in space… there was a thought.

“Be glad you’re not sapient, Saren.” Alistair shook his head. “It’s not great out here.”

Great was the understatement of the millennium. Earth was literally on fire, Palaven wasn’t much better, and the Council weren’t helping. By the skin of his teeth, he had managed to get the turian Councilor to help – but now he was involved with something with the krogan. All he wanted were some allies against the Reapers, and now he was stuck fixing ancient problems.

That was the nice thing about the end of the world – it brought people together to ask shit out of him.

“I guess I better put you back before I get too into my own head and drop you.” He sighed as he stood, cupping both hands around his hamster. “The last thing either of us needs is for you to get stuck somewhere I can’t get you.”

One of his recurring nightmares from house arrest was having to save Saren from the engineering floor of the Normandy. He still remembered trying to chase after his hamster, only to miss him as he hid behind boxes. The dreams never ended well – something always fell on him, or he bit a wire. One time he just faded out of existence altogether just as Alistair was about to grab him. He always woke up with an aching heart and dry mouth.

Weird how he’d take those now over Reaper dreams or the even worse Reaper reality.

Soon, Saren was back in his enclosure. He went back to his wheel almost immediately and was soon spinning around in his eternal quest to get in needed run. When it came down to it, he was a creature of routine.

Hooray for silent wheels.

Alistair still felt awake, however. He sighed as he glanced over at his desk. No doubt there were plenty of emails waiting for him from God knows where. Logically, he knew he was off duty – they could wait. But that good old Catholic guilt was kicking in, saying he should get to them when he had the time and lack of activity.

Luckily for him, someone knocked at the door.

“Huh?”

Confused, Alistair made his way to the door and watched as it slid open to reveal a turian. Garrus looked rather uncomfortable for some reason as he stood there, stiff as a board. As soon as they locked eyes, that got… not much better.

“Sh-“ He shook his head. “Sorry. Al.”

He was still getting used to the first name basis thing – so was Alistair for that matter.

“Hey, Garrus.” He smiled slightly. “What’s up? Did you just finish duty?”

The turian nodded. “Yeah, I… guess I wasn’t thinking where I was going after I ate. I can go back down if you’re busy…”

He trailed off, and it was in that moment that Alistair remembered he had been in bed prior to this. Thanks to that, he was only wearing a pair of boxers Bo had gotten him as a joke once they had gotten out of house arrest. Apparently, they made N7 underwear, much to her amusement when she had handed them over.

In his defense… they were comfortable?

His cheeks colored as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh… I was sleeping?”

“I figured.” Garrus’ mandibles twitched slightly. “Nice to see you with a shirt off, though.”

Most people would’ve taken that as something sexual – it would’ve been fair, considering they were dating and had indeed slept with each other. However, Alistair knew what he meant as he glanced down. Even in the low light of his room, the scars from his top surgery were still clearly visible.

Out of all his scars, they were his favorite.

“I got into the habit during house arrest.” He chuckled softly as he moved to the side to let Garrus into the room. “Should probably break that habit in case anyone else has to come find me when I’m sleeping.”

And now he had a whole new nightmare – standing in front of Admiral Hackett in the com room in his underwear. The last thing his commanding officer needed to know was that he preferred boxers over briefs, among other things. No, theirs was a strictly professional affair as they fought to keep the end of the universe from happening.

The turian stopped by Saren’s enclosure as he entered the room. “Hey there, Saren. Good to see you. Did you have fun with Kelly?”

“He sure did. He’s going to have to get used to being back on a military ship.” Alistair chuckled softly as he grabbed his hoodie and pulled it on. At least he had a top and a bottom on now – and the matched. That was more coordinated than any of his outfits had ever been outside of uniforms and armor.

Garrus put a talon to the glass, watching the hamster run in his wheel. “I hope Spectre didn’t give him much of a problem. Cats were bred to hunt rodents, right?”

Oh, had someone been reading up on earth animals? Alistair blinked back surprise at that. Sure, he had sone some research on Palaven when he’d had nothing better to do on house arrest, but that was him. His… boyfriend… had been busy trying to convince the turians about the Reapers. When had he found the time?

Not that he was complaining. It was kinda cute.

“They were, which is why Kelly kept him out of her reach.” He paused. “But apparently Spectre isn’t much of a hunter. She just ignored him.”

The turian shook his head. “Your legs and face when you got back from her house last year say otherwise.”

“I guess she has a taste for human blood.”

The room went silent after that. Honestly, Alistair was still unsure as to why Garrus was even there. It wasn’t like they had a standing arrangement for this kind of thing – they met when they could, but at the end of the day they ran separate schedules. That sort of thing was normal, or at least he assumed it was.

So… why the sudden visit?

In the end, it was the turian who broke first in the silence. His shoulders sagged, and his mandibles twitched. In a span of a few moments, he looked like he aged a century. Exhausted wasn’t even close to cutting it in that moment; they needed a whole new dictionary term for what he was feeling.

“Garrus?” Alistair cocked an eyebrow. “Everything ok?”

In response, Garrus shook his head. “Not really. It’s just….”

Their eyes met. “I guess I just needed to be near you right now to keep from going insane.”

Exhaustion, fear, anxiety – these and a thousand more expressions, mingled with turian ones he didn’t know the words for, melded together on his boyfriend’s face into a whole new gaze that would never have a name. He looked desperate in that moment, needing something to hold onto that wasn’t going to blow up in his face.

So, Alistair reached out to take his hand.

“I know…” He sighed. “It’s so…”

He couldn’t even begin to find the words to describe it all. His homeworld and countless others were burning. He had gone from house arrest to stepping over Alliance corpses in a frantic bid to get to the Normandy in time. The Citadel was eerily calm, and everywhere else was going to hell in a poorly made handbasket. And there they were, drifting in FTL space towards Tuchanka in the hopes of getting both the krogans and turians to play ball.

“Even with everything I did, it wasn’t enough for Palaven.” Garrus’ voice trembled as the translator struggled to keep up. “It didn’t feel real looking at it from Menae, like it was all some bad dream.”

He carefully led the turian over to his bed where they both sat down. It was probably for the best, given the fact he had felt him trembling through their connection. Alistair felt the same way as he sat there, visions of Vancouver playing behind his eyes when he closed them.

“It all happened so fast. One minute everything’s normal, the next thing I know everyone accusing me of being a traitor is dead.” His shoulders dropped as he sighed. “And despite the fact the Reapers are literally at our door, nobody seems to be doing anything about it.”

No, they’d rather argue politics or dig their heads in the sand. Alistair had practically shouted himself hoarse trying to convince the Alliance about the dangers coming to them, right until it had arrived at their front door. Maybe he should’ve been satisfied in being proven right, but there was no comfort among the corpses in that chamber back on Earth.

And the same thing was happening again and again. It was like trying to stop a truck with a feather. Their only hope was a mystery device left to them by the Protheans that nobody except a handful of people wanted to work on until they did favors for them.

It was… ridiculous, frankly. He would’ve laughed but it was just too bleak.

“And somehow I have to convince the krogans to play nice.” He laughed without a sense of humor – it sounded like gun fire. “I have pull with Wrex, but not that much.”

Garrus squeezed his hand in return. “Victus is asking for a lot, I know. If anyone can do it, it’s you and Bo.”

“But that’s just one species. Everyone else is hiding on their home planet or giving me shit about how I’m doing things.” Alistair sighed, closing his eyes, and leaning into his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Babe, I’m just one man. They’re asking a lot out of me.”

The pet name, still new, felt odd on his lips. Given the circumstance, it sounded even odder. At least Garrus didn’t seem to mind – he just offered his shoulder and a comforting touch. He needed both badly at the moment.

“They are… but they’ve got the best man for the job.” The hard part that made up Garrus’ mouth brushed against his cheek. Turians weren’t known for kissing – they didn’t really have the lips for it. Still, he was trying, and that was enough. “You tend to make the impossible happen, Al. Nobody else could’ve gotten us through the Omega 4 relay alive.”

Alistair chuckled softly as he shook his head. “Technically, Joker did most of the work. I just pointed the galaxy map and shot at stuff.”

“Your therapist is right, you’re terrible at giving yourself credit.” Garrus squeezed his hand. “You keep this up, and I’m going to tell Dr. Hunter on you. Then you’ll have even more therapy homework to worry about.”

The fiend. Maybe he should’ve left him on Omega a year ago.

“You’re the worst, you know that?” And yet he found himself smiling. “I will admit, she is happy about you. Something about getting over my intimacy issues and fear of rejection being a huge breakthrough?”

She had certainly been happy to hear he had managed to admit his feelings to the turian. Wait until Dr. Hunter found out he’d started having sex… was that going to get him a gold star in therapy, something everyone obviously wanted and desired?

“Happy to help you there.” Garrus’ voice was soft – his translator was starting to stutter again. “I guess I better get going, you look ready to head back to sleep…”

And then he yawned. It was interesting, watching a turian yawn. The gesture was similar, but so different that he found himself staring. It was the sort of thing he could get used to seeing if they lived long enough to make it to their first anniversary. Of course, they’d have to beat the Reapers first.

Alistair’s body worked before his brain could as Garrus started to get up. His hand shot out, catching the turian by the wrist. Their eyes met again briefly, and he felt his face begin to heat as he tried to think of a justification.

None came, so his face just got hotter.

“Al? Is something wrong?”

He shook his head. “No, just…”

Alistair took a breath. “Why uh… why don’t you stay here tonight? I think we’ll both sleep better that way given the headspace we’re in.”

It was perhaps the boldest he had ever been in his entire life. Maybe that was why Garrus’ mandibles full on flapped as he took the request in. If turians could blush, he would’ve been doing it no doubt. But at least he stopped moving for the door.

“It’s going to be awkward tomorrow when people see me coming down.” He glanced towards the door. “You sure you can handle that?”

Yeah… it probably would be. But, frankly, he needed this. The thought of going back to bed on his own was too much for him. He would no doubt walk straight back into another nightmare or a bad memory, and right then he needed neither.

Besides… he missed him during the day.

“That’s the nice thing about being the CO, nobody can say shit to my face about it.” He chuckled softly. “I mean, Victus could say something if he wanted to do it. Pretty sure he’s wise to us.”

That made Garrus’ mandibles flap again. “He’s… aware. Being around non-turians so much made me kind of lazy when it came to worrying about what people could pick up. Let’s just say I’m about a subtle as a neon sign on Omega to my people.”

Oh… great. He had forgotten all about turian subvocals. And here he thought he had been subtle around the Primarch.

“Nice going, babe.” Alistair’s cheeks heated up as he shook is head. “Well, at least he hasn’t said anything about it yet.”

He probably wouldn’t, knowing what he knew about turian culture. As long as people did their jobs and didn’t embarrass themselves, nobody really minded what they did. Since Garrus was definitely doing his job and then some… no complaints there. Still, it was kind of embarrassing knowing the equivalent of the president of all turians was aware of them. It be like Admiral Hackett catching them making out or something.

Great, there was another nightmare he had to worry about…

At least he wouldn’t be alone for that nightmare now. Instead, Alistair got to watch as his boyfriend got ready for bed. Before long, they were both under a shared blanket, settling in for what would hopefully be a peaceful sleep.

“Let me know if you’re uncomfortable, babe. I can move around.”

Not much – somehow, he had wound up the little spoon in the equation. It wasn’t bad, though, being pressed up against Garrus’ front with the turian’s arms wrapped around him, talons carefully tucked in. He could feel his mandibles against the back of his neck as his breathing leveled out. It was… nice.

He could get used to this.

“I’m good, really.” Another yawn, and whatever he said came out in a squawk rather than a translation. The sentiment was there – probably a good night or something like that, so the words didn’t really matter.

Alistair felt his eyes begin to close again as he settled in for some rest, feeling the turian’s heartbeat against his naked back. Garrus’ heart was a different tempo than his own, but it was strangely soothing as he began to drift off, kind of like an off-beat hummingbird vibrating through solid metal. No doubt there was a better comparison, but as his brain slowed he wasn’t finding it.

Instead, he allowed himself to return to sleep, worries leaving him for a short moment. When he awoke, they would come back full force with others he had no doubt forgotten or hadn’t even thought of yet. But that was for tomorrow him.

Right then, he was good.

[ramblinganthropologist]

N7 24 - 4 and 5

Summary: Alistair can't sleep thanks to the war. There's so much to consider, and so many things that could go wrong. Luckily for him, his sister's there to caffeinate him and make him laugh. Also, to shove him sometimes. Oww.

---

It was one of those nights that Alistair woke up in a cold sweat. Or was it days? Things were really starting to blur together…

He groaned as he sat up in bed, head swimming. The glowing numbers of his omni-tool let him know it was sometime after 3 AM – 3 hours before he was due to start duty. That had been 3 hours before he had gone to bed at Bo’s insistence.

It was hard to argue with someone who could simply drag you into bed and dump your ass into it. At least she hadn’t sat on him like she had warned she would.

That might’ve cracked his back at the very least, so he might’ve been grateful for it. According to Chakwas, he was carrying a lot of tension there. He couldn’t imagine why, what with the Reapers and the war and all…

One thing was certain, however. Sleep wasn’t going to return to him anytime soon. With a sigh, he got out of bed, shaking his head to dislodge what tiredness he could. Then he padded over to his dresser in order to change clothes.

His orange hoodie wasn’t getting a lot of time – Joker and EDI had replaced it with a black one embroidered with the N7 logo. Apparently, it was his and Bo’s anniversary of making it through the training. Hadn’t felt like it, but who was he to argue with data? At least it fit – a little too well if anyone asked him – so he wasn’t going to complain too much about it.

Regardless, on it went over his shirt once he was dressed.

“Saren, watch the place while I’m gone.”

His words carried over to the wall, where Saren was out of his burrow and digging through his food dish. Briefly, their eyes met, before his hamster went back to stuffing his adorable little cheeks. Just watching him made Alistair smile – it felt off on his face.

Not a lot to smile about lately.

The elevator dinged as he got on and rode it down. Honestly, he didn’t know where he was going. It was too late for him to think about eating, and Garrus was definitely still asleep. He would try for the observation deck, but… space. He was still working on the space thing in therapy unfortunately. Besides, one was occupied by the latest Normandy edition, one he still grit his teeth over.

Diana Allers was nice and all, but the last thing he needed on the ship was a reporter setting up shop. She did good work, he wasn’t going to deny it, but it still rubbed him the wrong way. Why he had agreed, he wasn’t sure – call him a people pleaser perhaps. Either way, he steered clear of her setup and did his best to duck on interviews.

Which… was hard when she was standing there as he exited the elevator.

“Oh, Commander Shepard.” That was his rank, don’t wear it out. “Did you get my email about the interview request?”

Yeah, it was in his junk mail. He had specifically routed it there.

“I don’t think I did, Ms. Allers.” Alistair did his best to keep his tone neutral. “You wanted to speak with me?”

She nodded. “It’s about Tuchanka. I wanted to get word from you directly about what went on down there. Can we set up a time to do the interview?”

Logically, he couldn’t blame her. After all, they had sicced the mother of all thresher maws on a reaper and came out of it standing. Add in the possible turian bombing – thankfully avoided – and the genophage cure, and there was a lot to talk about. The problem was that he didn’t want to do it. Mordin’s death still stung whenever he thought about what had happened. It was like a raw nerve people kept wanting to poke.

But… it was her job.

“I’ll send you an email about it. My head’s not in the right space for it right now, I’m having problems with my amp after the last fight.” He did his best not to nod and give himself away. “Can I help you with anything else until then, Ms. Allers?”

She was close, not uncomfortably so but enough that he could see the look in her eyes. She was trying to figure out what he was hiding from her and how she was going to get it out of him. Good luck with that – there were some things he was going to play close to the binder no matter who asked.

“Well-“ She paused, glancing over his shoulder. “Oh, Commander Shepard. I was hoping to speak with you as well about Tuchanka.”

A shadow fell over Alistair as his sister approached. Bo was far less of a people person than he was, and it showed in her rigid frame and tight jaw. Normally he would’ve worried about that, but in that moment he was glad for backup.

“I already told you I don’t do that shit.” She jerked her head towards him. “Ask him later when his amp’s not overheating.”

Then she motioned for him to follow. “Come on, I think I got some of that cooling gel you gave me last time.”

Alistair nodded before turning to the on-ship reporter. “Have a good nice, Ms. Allers. I’ll send you an email about interview times later.”

Then he was gone, following after Bo as they cleared the crew floor and made their way to her section of the Normandy. When the door slid shut behind them, he breathed a sigh of relief as he sunk into a chair, closing his eyes as he sat there.

“My hero.”

Bo snorted – it sounded like she sat on her bed judging by the sound distance. “Nobody wants to talk to Allers, especially after just waking up. She tried to get me earlier. If I didn’t think she was a pain in the ass I’d be impressed she doesn’t scare easily.”  

He could practically picture it – the intrepid reporter trying to get a word in edgewise with the Normandy’s XO, her camera hovering behind her. Naturally, his sister was glaring her down, as if daring her to do something stupid. No doubt if it had come down to it, she would’ve threatened to break the dumb camera.

Honestly, Alistair was glad she hadn’t. He would’ve had to spend time to fix it.

“Nice thinking with the amp overheating, by the way.” He opened one eye – she was on the bed like he thought. “I do have a bit of headache, but it’s not as bad as it could be.”

That got his sister to roll her eyes as she tossed him a small container of pain killers and a soda. The latter she produced from the pocket of her cargo pants – another soon followed. He managed to catch both without much effort, sighing in relief at the sight of the pills.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” She popped the top on her soda and took a sip. “So, you sleeping like shit too, huh?”

Alistair frowned midway through unscrewing the lid on the medicine. “Like shit is putting it mildly.”

He sighed and popped two pills into his mouth before washing it down with a mouthful of soda. That brief moment of silence was all his brain needed. Even with the few hours of sleep, he went right back to what he had been thinking about before Bo had carted him off to bed.

They still hadn’t heard anything from Kar’shan.

Normally, that wouldn’t have been a bad thing. After all, the Hegemony wasn’t exactly humanity’s biggest fan to put it mildly. Add in their secrecy, and the radio silence would have just been business as usual.

But that was before the 103 had destroyed the system’s relays.

Bo saw the look on his face and shook her head. “Still thinking about the batarians?”

“The conservative estimates are staggering, and that was before the Reapers got their hands on it.” Alistair’s shoulders sagged. “It’ll be a miracle if there’s any batarians left after everything is over.”

He was exaggerating slightly, but not by much. After all, there were batarians on the Citadel, Omega, and throughout the Terminus system. Some had definitely survived, but they were in no way able to form a competent government. The Hegemony was limping along at best, and probably outright destroyed in reality.

He wouldn’t have wished their fate on his worst enemy.

“Well, can’t say I’ll miss them much. Fuckers.” Bo spat the word out as she took another drink of her soda. “Don’t tell me you feel bad for them. They’re a bunch of slaving assholes at the end of the day. It’s because of them that we wound up where we did.”

There was no denying that – the batarian raid on Mindoir when they had been children had set both on the path to where they were now. It had left him with a deep fear of the alien species, one that he had attacked in therapy for as long as he had been going. Some nights he still woke up sweating, thinking back to the day they attacked.

“I know… but there were innocent batarians too.” He sighed. “There were kids in the system who hadn’t done anything to anyone and people who had suffered under slavery. I can’t just chuck them all into one pile and say fuck it…”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re too soft for your own good some days, Al.”

“Someone’s gotta remember how to be soft so we don’t lose it, I guess.” Alistair shrugged as he took a sip of his soda. Thinking about the system and the dead made it taste bitter, but he managed to swallow it down. “I just hope we hear something to know there’s somebody out there still.”

Even as he said it, he knew it was doubtful. With the relays destroyed, communication was going to be impossible. They’d be lucky if they heard from any form of batarian government in the next two hundred years or so if they managed to survive the Reapers. Part of him wondered what it might be like – better, hopefully. But that was a long way away.

They could all die tomorrow after all.

“I wouldn’t worry about it. There are other planets and people to give a shit about.” Bo blinked as his omni-tool beeped. “Speaking of – who wants you for something now?”

Alistair shrugged as he accessed his messages. “Looks like it’s from Primarch Victus.”

He scrolled down. “He’s settling in after leaving the Normandy and just wanted to update me with some notes on the turians’ contributions to the Crucible.”

Honestly, he probably should’ve sent it to Garrus. After all, he had promoted him to handling the Crucible for the turians. But it was good to hear from the man, if only to know that he had someone in power on his side who wasn’t human.

The Council hadn’t exactly spurred his spirits.

“Well, at least we got him and Wrex working with us. Everyone else decided to fuck off to their own planets.” Bo snorted. “They won’t want to handle it themselves when the Reapers show up on their asses. Bets on who folds first, salarians or asari?”

Alistair shook his head. “Neither are looking good, let’s just say that.”

It was all so… stupid. In a time like this, when everyone was threatened with extinction, they should have been pulling together to work on the Crucible and get it running. Instead, the head of the salarians was throwing a hissy fit, and the asari had withdrawn to Thessia. Neither were in a cooperative mood to put it bluntly.

So… that left him with what was left of the Alliance forces, the krogans, and the turians. They made for meaty forces, but… it wasn’t going to be enough.

“I still think you should’ve let me kick the Dalatrass’ ass when she showed up after we got back from Tuchanka.” Bo cracked her knuckles. “She deserved if after the shit she pulled trying to get you to fuck up the cure.”

Truthfully, he had considered it for a moment. Mordin’s death had still been fresh in his mind, just like the cure spreading out on Tuchanka. Having her go at him like that had been infuriating to say the least.

But… he had let it go.

“She should’ve known that was a stupid idea. After all, I’m the galaxy’s biggest boy scout.” He chuckled weakly, but he wasn’t feeling it. His mind felt numb as he stared down into his can of soda. Tuchanka, even though it had gone down successfully, had been a mess.

So many people had died, and they were just getting started…

Bo took another sip of her drink, sighing. “You’re still freaking out about everything, then? I thought the medicine they had you on helped with that.”

Alistair shrugged his shoulders in response. “It takes the edge off, but when the data keeps slapping me in the face it’s still overwhelming. A lot of people are dying out there and we can’t do anything to help them.”

He sighed. “I don’t want their deaths to be in vain.”

It certainly felt that way with every day that passed. Even if he didn’t pay attention to Allers’ reports, the emails he got from all across the galaxy were sobering. Earth was one of the worst hit, but… it wasn’t pretty.

And it was going to get a lot uglier as the war dragged on.

“Well… guess you and Allers can talk that over when she picks your brain. Isn’t she supposed to be rallying the troops?”

Alistair picked up his head. “I mean… yeah, that’s her job. I wanted her to increase support for everything.”

“It be better if she wasn’t trying to get in your pants, but sure.”

That got him chuckling, but it was weak – he was tired. “I don’t think she wants to get into my pants, Bo. I’m just providing her a lot of material to work with.”

Besides, she was a reporter. Researching her subjects was part of her job. It wasn’t exactly a secret that he was gay – though some in the Alliance probably wished it was. If anyone would know she wasn’t going to have much luck, it be her.

And anyway… he would’ve noticed. He was awkward, not completely socially inept.

“Yeah, sure. You’re providing her with a lot of eye candy. I saw the way she was checking you out in the hallway.” She nudged him in the side. “You’re gonna break her heart and she’ll write a hit piece about you.”

A snort worked its way up from somewhere deep within him. “I think you need to get your contact prescription checked, it sounds like you need a stronger lens.”

“Sure, whatever you say. Don’t come crying to me when she’s all upset because you turned her down, Al. It’ll be worse than what happened with Liara.”

Even hearing Liara’s name made him cringe still. Some things therapy just couldn’t fix – like someone who had a thing for you stealing your dead body from the collectors to hand over to Cerberus. Then again, it be hard for Diana Allers to top that, so maybe he shouldn’t be too worried.

“I’ll make sure to let her down easy if it comes to that.”

He finished his drink with a final sip, shaking his head. “I should probably try to get some work done before 6.”

Unsurprisingly, Bo shoved him hard in the side as he said it. “Fuck that, you’re off duty. You won’t let the enlisted guys do that, so set a good example for them.”

It was a good thing he didn’t wear a binder anymore, because that probably would’ve broken a rib. Still hurt though – he winced as he held his side. No doubt there was going to be a bruise there the next time he changed his clothes. It would match the countless other bruises all in various stages of healing. With any luck, he would just be a walking bruise by the end of the war.

“Alright, fine. I’ll try to relax instead.” He sighed. His eyes felt heavy in that moment. “I’ll talk to you later, Bo. Let me know if anything comes up.”

She wouldn’t – unless something was on fire or a bomb was about to drop on Tuchanka, Bo was pretty adamant about not letting him work when he was off duty. Since he doubted the turians had another bomb on Tuchanka waiting to go off, that meant he could probably get some quiet time.

Quietly, he made his way back to the elevator and headed up to his quarters. Once it dinged and he exited, all he could do was curl up on his bed and stare over at Saren’s tank. From the looks of things, the little guy was digging.

“You’d put Kalros to shame with tunnels like that.” Something about that made him smile weakly as his eyes started to drift closed. “I’m just going to rest my eyes for a minute, Saren. I’ll be up soon.”

And then he dozed off, hand hanging off the bed and face buried into the pillow. Later, he would complain about the back pain and wonder why he hadn’t slept normally. But that was later – for the moment, exhaustion had won out.

All he could hope for was a dreamless sleep as he left himself drift. Life was stressful enough anymore without dreams coming to bother him.

[ramblinganthropologist]

MER Week 6 - Pets

Summary: Saren is the cutest little hamster in the world if you ask his owner. However, he is also territorial as fuck and he WILL bite. Grunt’s about to learn that one the hard way. Rule for the wise kid: don’t stick your finger in a hamster’s face.

---

“Shepard.”

“Grunt… hello there.”

Ok… he’d bite. Who brought Grunt up?

Honestly, Alistair was more than a little confused right then. He had expected once they got back to the shuttle that he and the young krogan wouldn’t see much of each other. After all, he was pretty sure he bored Grunt – except for that first time with the gun. Yet there he was, standing in the entrance to his quarters, looking rather uncomfortable.

Was he being punked?

“Still in the elevator, Grunt.”

Bo’s voice called from over his shoulder. Much like a good son would, he shuffled to the side to allow her entrance. Even as large as she was, she was a little on the small side compared to the krogan. That didn’t matter of course – she was well versed in taking them down. It was why she had gone 25-0 in the ring back on Omega.

Well, at least that answered who let him up. Still didn’t answer anything else, mind you. Alistair was left watching as Bo sidled past her son and entered into his quarters. Luckily for him, his sister was direct: whatever was on her mind, he’d hear about it soon enough.

She looked around the room for a second. “Surprised Mandibles isn’t up here. Aren’t you two planning to- “

“He had calibrations to run.” Alistair’s cheeks flushed as he rushed to cut her off. Grunt snickered behind her – asshole. “Anyway, what’s brought you two up here? Everything alright after Tuchanka?”

Nothing like a krogan puberty ritual to get the blood pumping after all. Alistair was going to be having nightmares about that thresher maw for weeks, and that was if he was lucky. On the bright side, he was pretty sure it counted as exposure therapy. That was fine by him; he hadn’t done his therapy homework yet and with his workload he doubted it would happen at all. His therapist was understanding, but she was also a stickler. At least he had something to turn in the next time he saw her.

Much to his surprise, Grunt looked uncomfortable. He shifted from foot to foot, eyes darting around. Dare he say it, but to him he almost looked embarrassed. Apparently, krogan could do that as well as anyone else.

“I could have just looked on the extranet, Shepard…”

Bo shook her head, clearly amused by this. “What’s better than a real-world example? You asked about him anyway.”

She turned back to Alistair. “Grunt wanted to meet Saren after hearing you talk so much about him. Is the little guy awake or do we have to come back later?”

…

“You want to meet Saren?”

His gaze slid from the embarrassed krogan teenager to the wall on the far left. Even before he looked, Alistair had known. He knew the sound of bedding shifting anywhere, practically heard it in his sleep. That alone made him get up and take the trip to what at one time had been an aquarium.

Good thing for him he hated fish – it was perfect to make a hamster enclosure out of.

The theme that month was jungle. Among the scattered green bedding and wood chews, he found a little ball of white sitting next to his food dish, digging through the contents. At the sound of his footsteps, two red eyes focused straight on him, and some food went right into well-adapted cheek pouches.

Saren was a practical hamster like that.

“Hey, little guy.” Alistair smiled as he opened the enclosure and put his hands flat. A few moments later, the hamster was climbing up to rest between his palms, just like they had trained to do. Then he was out, held close as the Spectre returned to his desk. “Someone wants to meet you if that’s ok.”

Saren of course didn’t answer – much as breeding had improved, sentience wasn’t on the list of traits – but his eyes were bright and he seemed calm enough as he sat there, chewing at a seed from his pouch. These were good hamster introduction traits, especially considering who the interested party was.

Grunt didn’t look too impressed though. He gave the hamster a rather blunt look, then glanced over at Bo. When he didn’t get the reaction, he might have been hoping for, it went from pink to red Shepard.

Talk about being in the hot seat.

“Is it supposed to be so small?”

Alistair chuckled as he stroked Saren’s tiny head with his thumb. “Well, the European wild varieties back on earth are much bigger, but they max out at about a foot long. Saren’s a Syrian male, so he’s a fairly decent size all things considered.”

Grunt probably didn’t care about most of that – it wasn’t exactly new. However, his eyes never left the hamster. Saren either hadn’t noticed or didn’t care; he was too busy on chewing away at his seed to pay attention to the krogan. It was a feeling Alistair knew well.

He loved the little guy, but sometimes he ran hot and cold with affection.

“If you want to see him up close, come over slowly. Hamsters are prey animals, so he’s easily spooked.”

Much to his surprise, Grunt listened. He approached the desk slowly, eyes never leaving the small ball of fur in his commanding officer’s hands. He was interested, even if he wasn’t showing it on his face. No surprises there – kids loved hamsters, didn’t matter the species or the fact they were born fully grown and ready to kill. They just did.

“Why did you name it Saren?”

Now Alistair was chuckling again as he watched the hamster continue to chew. “You’re going to have to ask Bo about that, she’s the one who got him for me.”

Bo’s answer came quickly as she observed the introduction. “They said he was a biter and ate a cage mate. Made me think of the real Saren.”

Well, made sense he supposed…

“They eat each other?” Grunt’s tone was definitely more interested with that. Now they were getting somewhere. “That means they fight.”

Alistair nodded as he made sure Saren stayed in his hands. “Yep. They’re fiercely territorial. It’s why you have to house them separately. Hamsters kept together can fight, sometimes to the death even. This little guy had some healed scars when I got him, so he’s been through it. I guess Omega and the Citadel gift shop share husbandry tendencies…”

His voice trailed off. Grunt hadn’t taken his eyes off Saren the entire time he had been talking. There was curiosity there and a raw interest. That made the Spectre smile as he slowly brought his hands within range, eyeing his hamster’s body language the entire time.

“You can say hello if you want, he’s pretty calm right now.”

To his credit, the krogan didn’t retreat. However, there was some definite anxiety there. He briefly glanced back at Bo, and then he returned to keeping his eyes on Saren. Finally, he managed a brief nod and came a little closer.

“Do I just stick my hand out?” A finger got a little too close to Saren. Before Alistair could warn him, the hamster eyed it and did what he always did when someone got into his space without proper caused. Tiny teeth were soon chomped down hard in the classic signs of hamster bite.

It probably wouldn’t hurt a krogan, mind you. They were tough.

“Grunt, don’t pull your hand away. He’ll go with you and he’ll fall.”

The krogan shot Saren a dirty look as he watched the hamster bite down. “That does nothing to me, rodent.”

Saren, naturally, didn’t care. Alistair’s hands were part of his territory. More importantly, Grunt was big and round. Honestly, he wouldn’t have been surprised if the hamster thought he was an overgrown member of his species. Add a little fur, and he could honestly see it. He’d never say that of course – Wrex would hate it.

“He’s just defending what’s his. All he has is his teeth.” Alistair kept his voice level as he gently rubbed the hamster’s head with his thumb. “Come on, buddy, he’s not going to hurt you. You can let go now.”

After a few more moments, Saren let go. He went back to his abandoned seed, but his eyes never left the krogan. Grunt was in a similar mood, eyeing up the hamster with a rather brutal gaze. At least he had the good sense to take his hand back, the offended digit tucked away.

Bo’s voice carried over the chaos. “So… what did you learn, Grunt?”

“Don’t stick my finger in an animal’s face…”

There was a definite sulk to his tone. It was strangely cute, in a weird sort of way. Meanwhile, Alistair was just glad he hadn’t pulled back. Saren may have trusted him, but he would’ve gone for a ride. Then he would’ve had to eject Grunt out the airlock if anything happened.

Was he biased towards his hamster? Absolutely.

“It’s his way of making sure his space is safe. I used to get bit a lot when we were establishing ground rules.” He stood, crossing the room to return Saren to his enclosure in case he was overwhelmed. Much to his surprise, Saren didn’t burrow under the substrate as he often did to hide his food. Instead, he stayed on top, eyeing Grunt. “Huh… how about that.”

Grunt gave Saren the exact same look. “Your hamster’s hungry for battle.”

In another surprise, the krogan smirked. “Shepard was right, Saren is appropriate for a warship.”

Well… there was a stamp of approval he hadn’t seen coming. Maybe pigs would start flying…

Alistair at least managed a nod. “He’s territorial, it’s part of the breed.”

“Don’t sell the little guy short, he took a krogan on full force.” Bo was definitely amused as she surveyed Grunt’s finger. There was a definite scuff there – Saren had left his mark. “Damn, little guy bit down hard. The hell are you feeding him, concrete?”

Oh… just lab block, some seeds, extra protein if the mix didn’t come up right…

“He’s got a nasty bite; I’ll give him that.” And he was also done with the room – Saren was soon digging back under the substrate. “He’ll be out for a while; he has food to hide and some sleep to catch up on.”

His gaze found Grunt soon after. “Well, I hope he lived up to your expectations. If you want to come visit again, just let me know.”

“As long as you don’t try to convert him to the gospel of hamster.”

He made no promises there. Anyone who could be swayed, he would sway. That’s what it meant to have a hamster as cute as Saren.

Still, at least Grunt didn’t seem too upset about the bite as he nodded. Maybe it had taught him not to fuck with small animals -a win in his book. At any rate, it felt as though things were ending.

“I might.” And then he was heading to the door. Soon he was gone, leaving Bo and Alistair alone. As soon as he was out of hearing range, the larger of the two Shepards slumped down on his cough, doing her best not to laugh.

She did alright, but he failed miserably.

“God, that was fucking adorable.” Alistair wiped a tear from his eye as he chuckled. “I mean, apart from when I thought Grunt was going to toss my hamster.”

Bo nodded, snickering a little. “Yeah, he’s been wanting to come up for a while but he couldn’t figure out how to ask you. I agreed to be a buffer after it took him a half hour to spit it out. You might have just converted him to the dark side.”

Apparently, he was a sith now. Just because his face glowed red…

But still. Alistair nodded as he glanced back at the enclosure. He could see Saren’s tail from a gap in the bedding – he was pressed against the glass, no doubt making himself comfortable for a long nap. He’d had a long day after all – he’d just taken on a krogan.

“I think if he’s a little slower next time, they’ll get along just fine. Maybe I’ll give him a couple seeds to try.”

Baby steps, after all. Rome wasn’t built in a day and becoming friends with a hamster was just as detailed and complex. If Grunt put the effort in, he could see them getting along great. Hell, he might even get a new Saren sitter out of it.

He needed one of those. His normal ones went on missions went with him half the time.

“Thanks for letting him try. I knew Saren would be tough enough to handle him, little dude’s from Omega after all.”

Terminus system, born and bred – it was in his DNA. He’d never be as sweet as some hamsters, but that was part of his charm. It made their moments together even more special in his mind, honestly. He’d managed to get an Omega resident to let him pet him – that was a win in his book.

“Just let me know the next time he wants to come up.” Alistair returned to his desk – he still had work to do. “Now, unless you want to work on these reports…”

And just like that, he was alone as Bo beat a quick retreat out the door. He shook his head, chuckling once more as he went back to his reports. Still, he kept an eye on the glass enclosure across from him. Somewhere inside, the toughest hamster Omega ever bred was enjoying his rest. Maybe he was dreaming of fighting krogan, who knew?

One thing was for sure – they had definitely started on Grunt’s conversion to the dark side. Excellent. He had wanted an apprentice one day.

[ramblinganthropologist]

n7 challenge month - 9 (Respite)

Summary: It’s hard, being the guy trying to save the universe from the collectors. Thankfully, Alistair has a safe place and a little friend to turn to when he’s lost hope and things seem dark. The universe owes Saren Shepard a favor, let’s just say that.

---

That was another colony taken by the Collectors...

“Shepard, the Illusive Man-”

Alistair shut the line off before Miranda could tell him anything else. Right then his head was spinning as he finished removing his armor and getting back into his clothes. The numbers were stark, and he could see them even with his eyes shut.

They'd lost the whole colony. And judging by the reports streaming in, the planet they were going to next was lost as well.

He took up position in the CIC, plotting out the next jump. Everyone around him was quiet, focused on their duties. From where he was standing, he could see their worried faces and nervous glances. They knew what they were going to find once they got there – a whole lot of nothing.

Fuck... why were they always two steps behind?

“Commander, Miranda wishes to speak with you when you're done.”

Kelly was checking messages next to him, but he knew she was doing her actual job the entire time. Enough time around therapists had taught him when they were reading into his behavior. So he nodded, dully, and stepped down from the pedestal.

“I'll go see her then.”

He found her in observation, thankfully with the window closed. She looked right through him when their gazes met, but he was too tired to respond. Instead, he just sat down and let his tired bones rest for a minute.

“Sorry... guess my omni-tool cut out.”

It was a lie, but he didn't care. And he knew she didn't believe him either, based on the look on her face. At least she didn't call him out on it. Instead, she tapped at her omni-tool to transfer some files over to him. From the looks of things, they were reports.

“The Illusive Man found a few more people you might find helpful.” Another tap. “Illium would be a good place to start.”

Basic details flooded his memory – asari controlled, no regulations. Looked pretty, actually wasn't. They had two possible people there, both of whom could prove useful. Still, it was hard to feel excited as he looked them over.

Unless they were trackers who could figure out where the Collectors were striking next, it wasn't a lot of help.

“We'll go there after we check the colony. Maybe this time...” he shook his head as he stood. “I'm going to go get some work done while we're in FTL. My omni-tool will be on if you or the Illusive Man have any info about what we're walking into.”

Judging by the look on her face, Miranda was just about as confident as he was about finding any survivors this time. Still, she didn't argue with him in that regard. Alistair was thankful for that as he stood.

And then his vision swam.

“Shepard, your CGM is beeping.”

Ah, so it was.

“Really wished you could've fixed that for me while I was dead.” He shook his head, frowning. “Uh, sorry.”

No, he wasn't. But he had to work with her, so he needed to be polite. So instead of biting the hand that brought him back from the dead, he retreated. After all, sometimes he lost his filter when his sugar was low.

It wouldn't be good if she knew he hated her and her boss.

At least it was quiet in his quarters as he stumbled in, tongue already feeling numb. Alistair made a grab for the box on his desk and freed a few pixie sticks from inside. Down the hatch they went as he all but fell into his chair, sweating a little.

Forget the Reapers, biotic-induced hypoglycemia was his real nemesis.

“Fuck.”

The words hissed from between his teeth as he laid his head on the desk to keep it from spinning. Frustration was bubbling underneath his skin, trying to escape from the still open wounds of his healing implants. They had been so close... but they had lost.

Again.

At least his blood sugar was going up. He could already start to feel his tongue and lips again, though his mood was still dark. It was hard not to be annoyed with the data staring him in the face. Even with early info, the Collectors had gotten the drop on them.

“I am getting real fucking tired of losing to them.”

His potty mouth was answered by the furious scratching of bedding. Alistair picked up his head, glancing to the other side of the room. From the looks of things, his hamster had come out for his nightly explorative trip around his terrain. For once, he was sitting on top of the bedding instead of tunneling into it. Two beady eyes were staring right him, almost daring him to come over.

And he did. Alistair wasn't sure why, but he crossed the room and opened the side wall to the cage. Then he held out both his hands, waiting. They had been working on this, but he had never tried it without a snack. At least if he got bit, it wouldn't hurt too badly...

“Hey, Saren. Good to see you up, buddy. The FTL bothering you?”

Saren the space hamster sniffed at his finger. A few tense moments later, and he placed a paw on the tip. Alistair forgot how to breathe as he watched, waiting. After a few more moments, the hamster was on his hands, chewing away at a seed.

His heart pounded as he cupped his hands around his pet and drew him into the room. Saren didn't try to scamper away, but just kept chewing away at his seed like it was the best thing in the universe. If the FTL was bothering him, he was handling it well.

“Good boy...” A small smile stretched across his face as he stroked the hamster's small white head. “See, I'm not so bad.”

Alistair returned to his desk, Saren still cupped in his hands. The hamster seemed content to gnaw away at his seeds and not be bothered by the large mammal currently holding him. Just seeing it made his heart skip a beat as the smile refused to leave his face.

It was the first time he had managed to hold him without getting bit or Saren scampering off. Chalk that up to a win for the good guys.

“Now if only the Collectors would play so nicely.” He sighed and stroked the hamster's head again with a finger. “Maybe we'd find more living colonists.”

None of that meant anything to Saren of course – he wasn't sentient. Even the smartest space hamster was still a space hamster. Still, the way the hamster looked at him when he mentioned the Collectors could've melted steel.

Maybe everyone hated them.

“Yeah, they're pretty awful. We found another empty colony and we're probably going to another one. Not sure how I'm supposed to be fine on Illium after all that, but the Illusive Asshole wants me to go there afterwards to pick up an assassin and a justicar.”

Saren stopped chewing on his seed for a brief moment, and Alistair swore that he gave the stink eye at the mention of the man who brought him back to life. That got the Spectre laughing as he carefully pet the small creature.

Yep, he had the right name alright. The real Saren would've been proud at that look.

“Aren't you a fierce little thing? I bet you'd bite a Collector if they tried to mess with you.” He chuckled as he watched Saren continue to shove food into his cheeks. “Too bad you're so small. If you were Grunt's size those teeth could really put a hurting on someone.”

Not that it was all sunshine and daisies whenever he got bit, of course. Even for a little guy, the hamster could make it hurt. Alistair had learned to respect those little teeth and the jaw strength behind them the hard way. Honestly, he was lucky he didn't have scars.

Wouldn't that be a fun story... scarred from a space hamster bite.

He was still smiling as he watched the hamster finish tucking everything away. “Get everything in alight?”

Saren answered with another point blank look as he turned around a few times. Just from watching, Alistair was certain it was time to put him back in his home. For a first time out of the cage, they had done pretty well. Nobody got peed on, nobody got bit – that was practically a perfect encounter.

Talk about hope for the future. His hamster had practically been wild the first time they had interacted with each other.

“Time to go back in, buddy. I promised Miranda I would do some work and I don't think we're at the free run point yet.”

Carefully, he returned his hamster to the tank and closed the opening. Soon, Saren was back to digging into his bedding, heading to wherever he stored his food. Once he was out of sight, Alistair returned to his desk. There were plenty of reports to read over during the jump to the next colony, and he had a million emails to check.

“Shepard, did you see the latest report?”

Miranda's voice came through his omni-tool. The Spectre grimaced as he returned to his desk and turned the system on. Just like he thought, the report was already downloaded. To say the numbers were grim was putting it mildly.

This colony was even bigger.

“Looking at it now, Miranda.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How much longer until we get there, Joker?”

The helmsman answered almost immediately, like he had been queued up for the moment. “About 3 hours, Commander.”

3 hours. A lot could happen in that much time.

“We might make it in time.”

Alistair doubted it, but he didn't say that because why put that into the universe. Instead, he pinched the bridge of his nose again, long enough that he probably left a red mark, and nodded as he went back to the report reading.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Saren peeking at him from a gap in the bedding. One of his little paws was pressed against the glass in such a display of hamster toe beans that it was hard to keep from smiling. And he did, as he temporarily forgot the reports.

Some days, everything sucked. Other days... well, he was glad he had the little guy.

“Shepard?”

Back to work. Alistair snapped back into Spectre mode as he turned away from his hamster and returned to the reports at hand. They were moving into the planning phase now as he figured out who to take with him when they went into the colony.

Maybe it was the adrenaline rush from getting to hold his hamster, but there was a little hope there that they might find someone alive this time.

“Yeah, so I'm thinking that we're going to need Mordin to come with me...”

And then he was lost in the planning details as the Normandy sailed through space towards their destination. Whatever they were going to find, he wasn't sure. But he was going to hold on to that tiny piece of hope as he looked over specs of the colony on his computer.  Maybe it would do him some good for once.  

[ramblinganthropologist]

Decision in stone

Saren Shepard, Alistair Shepard’s space hamster, is an albino syrian hammy he rescued off Craigslist in the all-human Hamster Youtube AU. He’s probably not as healthy as he could be yet, and a little skinny, but he will grow to be an absolute unit. 

Garrus might eventually be Al’s boyfriend, but Saren is his baby. 

[ramblinganthropologist]

space

I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IT BETTER BE THERE I WRITE ABOUT ALIENS.

HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH.  I GOT IT TWICE. YOU GET BOTH.

#1

They didn't hear the elevator dingand suddenly, they were tipping back. Garrus hit the floor first,then Alistair. Both groaned as stars danced before their eyes, theirimpromptu makeout session interrupted by Sir Isaac Newton himself.Truly, he was the biggest, baddest mother fucker in space.

Alistair definitely had some deja vuas he laid there on the floor, temporarily stunned. Last time he haddone this, it had been caused by the man he was currently on top of.Now, it was nice to be there with him, even as his head throbbed alittle.

Could've done it without the bruisehe was definitely going to have later.

#2

Said space marine appeared in theruined remains of the com room, looking fit to be tied and then some.He brushed loose hair from his face as he sighed. Whether it was fromannoyance or just being so damn tired, it was hard to tell. Humanswere weird like that.

“Asshole.”

Garrus approached, taking Saren withhim. “I take it things didn't go well?”

Alistair gave him a tired smile inresponse as he reached out to take his helmet and hamster back.“Something like that. Thanks for watching Saren for me.”