#Sarah has found a new hobby

[phantasieandmirare]

I finished another crochet basket, the red one was the first/figure-it-out one and the gray one was not only easier but looks tighter and neater, so I think I’m going to make another red one since I know what I’m doing now

[whocaresstillthelouvre]

18 Seasons

A Joel Miller baseball player AU.

Pairing: Baseball player Joel Miller x Female Reader Rating: Explicit. 18+ (Minors DNI) Summary: Joel Miller has only ever known playing baseball for his hometown team, and they’ve just announced they’re not resigning him. He heads to a fancy hotel bar to drink alone and wallow. He doesn’t except to find you, the team owner’s daughter, there.  Warnings: smut, baseball talk, drinking, banter (reader has a smart mouth and Joel’s got that asshole voice), unprotected p in v (but a discussion on testing and reader has an IUD), F receiving oral, Joel’s 42, reader’s in her late 30’s.  Words: 4,900 A/N: Happy 2024 Baseball Season! I’ve always thought Joel Miller would make a good baseball player, though I’m not sure if I just want to see him in tight baseball pants and that’s why I think that. 🤔 Anyways, this might be a bit of an adventure in me coping with the fact that my current favorite ballplayer is over 40 and only signed a minor league contract to play this season. Also, shout out to said favorite baseball player’s arm for being part of the cover of this, feels very Joel Miller to me. Hope you enjoy!

Masterlist Playlist

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"The Austin Capitals thank first baseman Joel Miller for his time and dedication to the team for the past 18 seasons. Miller is a six time All-Star, two time batting champion, and two time Gold Glove winner. He signed with his hometown team in the second round of the draft twenty three years ago and has been a great contribution both on and off the field. The organization will not be able to provide Miller with the proper playing time, with the current roster and plans for the upcoming season. We thank him for his years of service and he will forever be a part of the Capitals family."

Joel knew it was coming, it was inevitable. He had been warned of it multiple times, his agent straight and to the point about his chances, his brother and Maria more analytical and sympathetic, and his sweet Sarah so chipper and hopeful for him. 

For twenty three years he’s only known the Capitals. The only thing he’s ever been good at, baseball… he’s never been so good at anything else really, save maybe for wood working or fishing, but those were hobbies. Baseball was his job, he knows he’s a lucky son of a bitch who got to do this full time, and now it’s all over, he’s unemployed.

Joel needs a drink. The stronger, the better. 

DING. DING.

DING. DING. DING.

DING. DING.

He also needs to turn off his phone.

“What can I get you?”

“Gin martini, dirty please.”

“Should I charge it to your room?”

“Ye–“

“No, you can put it on my tab." You turn towards the deep voice, you’re used to the southern accent, you grew up around it, but this timbre is different and yet so familiar. 

“Joel?” What the hell?

He lifts his glass towards you, his dark brown eyes shining at you from across the bar.

You haven’t seen him in quite a few years, ever since you got the hell out of Texas, moving to New York and betraying your home state for packed subway cars and better politics. 

He stands and walks towards you, he looks just as good as you remembered. Broad, strong, and too damn handsome to be alone on what you know might be the worst night of his life.

“Figured you wouldn’t waste your time on any of that fruity drink stuff,” he nods towards your drink as it’s placed in front of you.

“Too much sugar gives me a headache.” 

“Mm,” Joel gulps down the rest of his drink and signals the bartender for another. 

“…How are you holding up? I’m really sor—“

“M’fine. Was expected.” 

He doesn’t want to talk about it. Understood. 

Joel Miller was never one for talking, or the media. He’d give them a nod and a quick answer before moving on to the next nuisance. Talking was never his job, you know this. Your dad would sometimes complain about how his star player couldn’t play nice with the reporters. You always admired Joel’s candidness, it’s one of the things that you found most attractive about him. He was always honest, whether it was a good thing or a bad thing depended on how high the team was in the standings. You’re going to miss him on your team, but you can’t let him know that.

“So, why exactly are you back here in Texas?”

“It’s my Mom’s birthday, she’s tired of visiting me in New York, was guilted back here as part of her present.” 

“Mm. New York, hate playing in New York.”

“Likely thing to hear you say. Guess I should ask you what you’re doing in a fancy hotel bar in the city you live in?”

“S’quiet here, it’s the fanciest hotel ‘round here, nobody who stays here cares about baseball. Not a lot of people recognize me without the hat on.”

“Ouch. I care about baseball.” 

“Yeah, and you don’t belong in a place like this,” Joel pivots to look at you, his arm resting on the bar top.

“Where do I belong, Joel?” You angle your body to look at him and swallow down the last bit of your drink.

“Some place cozier, not as cold and… corporate as this place. Some place… hip.”

Your head tips back in laughter. “Hip?! I have a phone case with ducks on it, I cried at the same part I always cry at during Paddington 2 last night. I’m far from hip, what a funny word.”

“Dunno, always got the idea you’re cooler than me.”

“Okay pro baseball player.”

“Not so pro now,” Joel scours.

“Hey, sorry,” you place your hand on his forearm, a perfunctory touch. You had zero decision on the matter, and yet you feel so much guilt over it. You know what this game meant to him and you know he made it known he wanted to return. 

“S’alright. Just weird to know I’m done for.�� He looks down and focuses on his hand rubbing back and forth on the rim of the glass. A nervous tell. Your hand remains on his arm, Joel makes no attempt to move away.

“You’re not done for, I’m sure another team would like you.”

“Don’t want another team. My daughter grew up here. Hell, I grew up here. My brother’s here. Sarah just started college here. I couldn’t move away.”

His daughter. The big story of Joel’s first year was how the star rookie, was also a father to a newborn baby girl. Juggling a .300 average and fatherhood.

“Wow, she’s in college, huh? I remember seeing her at the stadium all of the time, reminded me of how I grew up there too.”

“Time flies,” a wistful smile on his face as Joel signals the bartender for another round of drinks for the two of you. 

Goodness he’s gorgeous. You’ve always found him attractive, ever since he was signed right out of high school. All tall, golden skinned and muscular, now his form is a little more filled out, his muscles less defined but still fully there. His arms and thighs thicker now, a small gut protruding, but still solid and muscular. His speed to round the bases is a lot slower these days but his power and batting eye are stronger from years of playing. He was a school girl crush for you, a stadium give away bobble head of his still sits in your office under the ruse that he was your team’s biggest player. Now you don’t know what to call it, you’re long past school girl crushes. All you know is now, over twenty years later, he’s still one of the most handsome men you’ve ever seen. Time sure does fly.

“Are you staying here tonight?” You cut the silence between the two of you, both of you facing the bar and quietly sipping your drinks. Joel’s eyes looking a little heavier, the alcohol taking its effect on him. You feel good, a lot lighter, but happy to sit and allow Joel to ponder.

“Planned on it. Booked a room. Figured I’d get drunk and go pass out, take care of everything I have to tomorrow. Just don’t want to deal with it tonight.” 

“I understand that, just didn’t know if you needed car service home, I could have ordered you one.”

“Dad’s money, right?” Joel bites out condescendingly. 

“Or, my money, you asshole,” you bark back. You know he’s pissed off at the world but there’s no need for his tone to be so mean towards you. 

“Sorry, still kinda pissed off at your family.”

“My family? You mean my dad? I had nothing to do with it, my mother had nothing to do with it. You can be pissed off at him, but you’re also not getting any younger and believe it or not our farm system and minors are stacked with talent waiting to play.” You try to calm your voice as you gulp a drink down from your newly made martini. You don’t want to be pissed off and drunk but goodness the cold gin cools your heated body. “You’re old Joel, and you know it.”

“Of course I know it sweetheart, but I know I’m still better than most of those kids.” 

“Yeah, well, stop getting injured and batting .220 and prove it.”

“Damn, you got a smart mouth,” Joel leers at you.

“Not to mention all the time and effort spent on keeping your body in playing shape. I’m sorry, you’re ancient in sports standards.”

“Real fuckin’ smart mouth, huh?” Joel leans in and whispers, “I like it.”

You fight the urge to moan, to give an audible to the feeling that’s now coursing through your body from those three words snarled into your ear. 

You feel the same feelings you felt those few years ago, while out with the team celebrating their playoff series win. Drinks flowing, cigars puffing plumes of smoke into the air, conversations shouted above music, bodies sweating and glowing different hues under the lights on the dance floor. The Capitals were heading to the World Series for the first time in twenty years, thanks to Joel Miller’s walk-off home run. Teary hugs shared with your family and friends as you watched him round the bases, it may have been the happiest you’d ever seen your dad. Hell, it may have been the happiest you’d ever been. You didn’t think the night could get any better, until Joel backed you into a corner of the club and stuck his tongue in your mouth and his hand up your dress. You don’t know if you’ve still forgiven him for pulling his fingers out of you and wiping the wet of your orgasm on his jeans before slurring out, “Fuck, I shouldn’t have done that,” as he backed away and left, leaving you all weak kneed and blissed out panting for air. 

You did agree though, he really shouldn’t have, the scandal that could’ve been brought on if the owner’s daughter was spotted in that position with the team’s star baseball player. He’s one of the reasons why you moved away, he was off limits and it drove you crazy. You casually dated, you slept with strangers, you spent three years with your ex who you thought you’d settle for and marry, but that night never escaped you. Sometimes you’d reach your hand between your legs and touch yourself while you remembered the look in his eyes as he nodded his head to signal you to follow him into that desolate space. Like he always wanted you as much as you always wanted him and he was seizing the opportunity. 

“I’m just letting you know what we’re all seeing. Trust me, I don’t want to see you in any other colors than the Capitals color. Red suits you.” If you’re being honest, you really prefer him in the olive green button up shirt he’s wearing tonight. The top few buttons of it unbuttoned to relieve the stretched seams around his large shoulders giving you a peek of the gold chain he always wears resting against the bronzed skin of his neck and chest.

“Mm, whatever the color you want to call this is,” Joel grabs the shoulder of your shirt and rubs the fabric between his fingers, “suits you.”

“I call it aquamarine, most would just call it light blue.” 

“S’pretty, s’soft.” You wonder if he can see how rapid your heart is beating or the swallow of air you gulp down as his eyes linger on your chest and neck. “Fits real well.”

“Thanks, bought it at one those real fancy stores they have in New York,” you lift your shoulder causing Joel to pull his hand back. 

“Do the boys in New York like you in this color?” Joel’s words drip with the sarcastic tone he’s famous for. 

“Worked a couple of weeks ago with a guy. HUGE New York fan,” you emphasize huge, two can play that game. “Like, big, real big.” 

“Mm,” Joel’s nostrils flare. “He your last? This… New York fan?” 

“Yep,” you smile through your glass taking a drink and licking your lips.

“Mm,” Joel’s eyes don’t leave your mouth. “And why’s that?”

“Been busy, haven’t found anybody that’s piqued my interest, I guess.” 

“And what was so special about him?” 

“Not sure,” you shrug, “he was good looking and paid for my martinis. I wanted him, he wanted me, the classic hook up.” 

“Talk to him since?”

“Here and there, he seems nice enough." “Mm,” Joel licks his lips as he leans forward placing his arm on the back of your chair and turning it to swivel towards him, his other arm rests on the bar, caging you in between. “You want nice?” You can feel the heat radiating off his body, see the freckles on his skin from years of playing ball in the sun, smell the whiskey on his breath mixed with the soap on his skin. You’re so close you can almost count the gray hairs just beginning to tint his dark hair lighter. You want him.

“Not really. Plus, he was younger than me, I’m pretty sure I like older men.” You challenge him. You can compete with the best of them, and Joel’s one of the best, he’s made millions of dollars over the years just from being competitive. 

“Mm,” Joel moves the hand from the back of your chair to your shoulder, rubbing his thumb back and forth, his touch igniting your core. 

“How long has it been for… you?” Your words come out a little too nervous than you’d like them to be. 

“Few months, not sure. Don’t like that type of distraction during the season.” 

“A celibate?”

“No, not that, just don’t have the time with deal with all that, between Sarah’s senior year ‘n me having to focus more on my regimen, ya’ know since I’m ancient.” 

“Mm,” you copy Joel’s sound. He smirks. 

“Never been my scene to meet someone, fuck them, and leave the next morning.” Your body tenses at his words. “I prefer to know someone before I touch ‘em. Too many people out there just want to say they slept with a ballplayer and move on. Not for me.”

The hushed tone of Joel’s voice and his proximity to you begins to take its toll on you, you feel so hot and quite flustered. “I understand that.”

“You ever been with a ballplayer? Ya’ know since you’re involved in the business.”

“I haven’t… just what we did in that club after the playoff win,” you blink at him, willing him to tell you he wants more.

“You want to do more than just that with a ballplayer?” Joel’s accent dropping an octave as he whispers the question out. 

“I do,” you just as quietly confess. 

“You want to do more than just that with me?” he leans in closer.

“I do.”

“Alright sweetheart, your room or mine?”

“I have the suite, so mine.” 

“Should’ve charged the drinks to your room then.” Joel turns and gets the bartender’s attention.

It’s becoming real. You calm your nerves as Joel signs the check and moves off the stool, you following him through the bar and lobby before reaching the elevator.

All you expected to do tonight was have a couple of drinks while reading a book in a quiet corner of the bar before ordering room service and watching whatever movie you can find on hotel TV. You’re now headed up to your room with Joel Miller.

The elevator doors ding open, empty with nobody following behind you. It’s just you and him in the mirrored oasis of the lift. You go in first and stand with your back against the wall.

“What number?”

“The P at the top, I have to scan my card,” you lift your key out of your pocket and hand it to him. 

“Of course. You got the suite.” 

“I did, wanted to treat myself on my return home.”

“Mm,” Joel scans the card and tucks it in the back pocket of his jeans. The doors close and your stomach anxiously drops as the lift speeds upward.

The vision of Joel surrounds you, his reflection repeated in every panel, you could stay right in this small room forever, seeing every angle of his handsome face. Aquiline nose, creased eyebrows, dimple tucked between a dark mustache and beard, plush lips, deep brown eyes, wavy hair.

“You’re staring.” You’re shocked out of your concentration by Joel’s whisper. “This whole elevator’s mirrors, I can see you as much as you see me.”

A blush creeps across your face. 

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Joel turns around and steps towards you, standing in front of you. “You look beautiful.” His hand rests against your cheek, his head angles down, his lips resting right in front of yours. “It’s hard to look away from you.” 

You close the gap between the two of you, your lips meeting his. It’s a soft kiss, both of your tongues gently licking into each other’s mouths. You’re both savoring the first taste of each other in years, it feels like he also would think about your last kiss as much as you did. Joel pulls away first, turning his head to look in the mirror, you follow his gaze. His hand on your cheek, your hand resting on his bicep, far too big for you to be able to wrap your hand around it. This reality you’re in right now feels like something out of one of your wildest dreams. The alarm goes off, the elevator dinging your arrival to your floor. Joel turns away and you follow behind him as he unlocks your room door.

“Nice room, pretty big for just you, don’t you think?”

“It is. Maybe I figured I’d be sharing it with someone else. Maybe someone older who needed more space to get around on account of his old knees and hurt shoulder.”

“That mouth is going to get you in trouble one day, sweetheart.”

“I welcome it,” you look up at him as you bend over to untie your shoes. 

“Where’s the bedroom?” Again, you like Joel’s bluntness. You appreciate how he doesn’t mince words, he knows what he wants and he tells you what he thinks. 

You point, he nods, and turns towards it as he begins to unbutton his shirt. 

“What? You got somewhere to go?” You shout still standing in the middle of the living room. 

“No,” Joel peeks his head out of the doorframe, shirt half open, his hands paused on a button. “I just really want to see you naked on your bed.” 

Your knees feel weak, your pussy clenches, your body breaks out in goosebumps. You love his mouth and the way he always sounds like an asshole, even if he’s telling you he wants to see you naked. 

You hurry to the bedroom, taking your shirt off and tossing it behind you. 

Joel stands with his shirt unbuttoned next to the bedside table, the only light source of the room is the lamp he’s turned on next to him. His skin might be your favorite color, sun bronzed with a patina of dark freckles across his chest and neck. His body standing in front of the dark wood paneled wall glowing in the aureate glow of the lamp takes your breath away. Maybe you should come home more often.

“Take your pants off,” Joel turns to you, his eyes lighting when he sees you without your shirt. 

He sheds his shirt before unbuckling his belt and removing his jeans. Your own clothing removal pauses as you stare at the trail from his belly to the black boxer briefs bulging with his erection. This man could never survive without spandex, his thick thighs strain the tight fabric.  “Like I said, take your pants off darlin’,” he chuckles. You don’t think you’ve ever heard him chuckle. 

“Oh, sorry, yes,” stammers out as you remove your jeans. 

You can’t help but not look away from him. You’ll never get over just how handsome and large he is. Other men with his features on their bodies would look ridiculous but Joel is perfectly put together. You can’t get over the fact that he wants you as much as you want him. 

“How’d you know navy blue was my favorite color?” Joel asks as he stares at your panties. You wonder if he can see how soaked they are. 

“Didn’t. Lucky you.” You’re not sure who’s luckier at this point, maybe you’re both ready to share each other’s luck. 

“Very. Get on the bed for me.”

You lay down on the soft sheets, the bed and cover are so plush you sink into it. Your hands by your sides pet the silky sheet and your legs rub against the fabric, it feels so divine and smooth.

“God, you look good like that,” Joel reaches down to palm himself through his briefs. “Might be the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Your body lights on fire at his praise, your pulse quickening, your almost naked body feeling overheated. “Spread your legs for me.” 

You follow his instruction, bending your knees and spreading. Joel climbs on the bed to kneel in between, his palms rest atop of your knees, you can feel the calluses on his hands from years of gloves and bats on your smooth skin. 

He runs his hands down your legs before stopping right at the edge of your panties. You moan as he takes a hand and runs it back and forth along your drenched panties. “This all for me?” His cocky smile making his dimple even more apparent. 

“Yes, fuck… yes,” you struggle out. You’re so turned on right now, aching all over. Joel’s barely even touched you and you feel like he’s already devastated your whole body. You’ve never felt this way with anybody else before. 

“Want to see all of you, take your bra off ’n I’ll take these off,” Joel says as he cups your cloth covered pussy. 

You lean up to unsnap your bra, quickly getting naked as Joel takes off your panties. He sits back on his heels, his eyes mapping your body. “Jesus baby, you’re so fucking pretty ’n soft looking.”

His voice, his accent, his praise, it causes a whimper out of you. 

“I know baby,” Joel leans down, his hands grab your ass cheeks and pulls your whole body towards him, easily lifting your ass up. Your pussy rests now right in front of his face, you can feel the heat of his breath against your sensitive folds. He’s supporting your whole lower half in his hands until you lift your legs to rest atop his wide shoulders. He licks a long stripe up from your opening to your clit and back again. 

“Taste so fucking good, so fucking sweet, knew you’d be this good. Can’t believe I didn’t taste you before.” Joel’s words of devotion are spoken straight to your cunt. 

He devours your pussy like it’s never been ate before, fucking into you with his tongue, sucking on your clit, rubbing the bristle of his thin beard against your sensitive folds. Your thighs and legs beginning to shake against Joel as your whole body burns with pleasure. His hands are gripping your ass so tight, his strength and support the only reason why your whole body hasn’t collapsed as your orgasm quickly ripples through you.

Joel moans against you as you spill into him. He doesn’t come up for air as your hips writhe against him. He flicks his tongue against your pulsing clit, a scream escaping your mouth as he begins to press his tongue down on your too sensitive bundle of nerves. 

“Holy fuck,” you struggle out. “Fuck. Joel, Joel. Fuck.” 

“Mm,” Joel lifts his head up out of in between your legs, your wet glistening on the lower half of his face, his eyes resting under his furrowed brows staring right at you. You unwrap your legs from around his head as Joel gently helps your legs drop to the bed. 

Joel rubs your legs and thighs as he stares down at you longingly. His actions are so sweet, actions you never thought you’d see. You don’t think a lot of people get to see this side of him, his features relaxed, mouth slacked open a bit, eyes softened, this isn’t competitive Joel, this is bedroom Joel.

“Let me fuck you baby, don’t think I’m going to last long, wanted to prove to you I can fuck you all night but I’ve waited a long time for this.” 

Your core clenches at his words, you wanted to challenge him tonight too, but you can’t fathom the idea of waiting any longer for Joel’s cock inside you. He gets up off the bed, removing his briefs, his cock springing free. Fuck, he’s big and beautiful, the perfect size and shape to match his broad and athletic body. 

Joel climbs back on the bed, his body resting in between your spread legs again, this time he leans forward, putting his weight on his two arms as he looms above you. You feel his cock resting against your wet cunt. 

“You got a condom or should I have grabbed mine from my wallet?”

“No— can I ask you something?”

“Now?” Joel huffs. "I guess."

“Yes, yeah,” you gather your nerves before you confess. “I want to feel you, all of you. I have an IUD and I always use protection with… others, I just, I want to feel your cum inside of me.” 

Joel's jaw drops at the shock of your blunt words. “Fuck, yes. Of course. Jesus Christ.” His dick twitches against you as he answers. “I’m tested and clean.”

“I’m clean too.”

“Fuck baby, I’m so glad you asked.” Joel plants a kiss to the top of your head as he pushes himself into you. 

“Holy fuck,” you rasp out at the feel of Joel’s cock stretching you. He’s slow to enter, mindful of how tight your cunt is squeezing around him. It stings so good, you’ve never been this stretched before. 

You shut your eyes and focus on taking his length, anchoring yourself in this moment. 

“I can feel you clutching me, fuck you feel so good,” you open your eyes at Joel’s words. The glimmer of Joel’s gold chain catches your eye as he moves inside you. You’re mesmerized by how it moves between the two of you, the pendant swinging back and forth like a metronome of Joel’s cock entering and exiting you. “Look at me baby.”

You move your gaze from Joel’s necklace to his eyes, all big and brown and blown out with lust. He begins to increase his pace, your whole core beginning to build another orgasm. Joel cranes his neck down to kiss you, the way his mouth languidly moves against your mouth contrasts the brutal speed of the way he’s now fucking you. You move your hands up to cradle his head, gripping his messy curled hair, left longer during the offseason.

Years and years of pining over Joel culminating in this one night, a surprise encounter at the bar turning into the shared moans and groans you and Joel trade back and forth as your bodies move together.

He’s simply too beautiful, your eyes watching his heavy eyes disappear behind the crinkles on the side of them as he half smiles at you. Like he also can’t believe the two of you are doing this. 

You move your hips to meet his thrusts, the softness of the bed cradling you as Joel fucks you harder.

“M’close baby,” respires out against your mouth. Your cunt tightening even more around him as you both begin to reach the apex of your orgasms. “You gonna cum with me?”

You can only nod and blink hoping that your whimpers and moans let him know you’re right there with him. 

“Fuck, you’re so pretty and tight, can’t believe how fast you’re gonna make me cum. Fuck baby, just talking about it— gonna fucking cum.” 

You feel Joel’s cock throb as his spend fills you, your orgasm following, pumping Joel’s cock as you pulse around him. 

He drops down to rest on his forearms, his body landing on top of you. You welcome the feeling of his burning hot body smothering yours. He kisses you as he languidly still fucks into your cunt with his softening cock. Your pussy drips a mixture of your intermingled cum out as Joel pulls out and lays next to you on his back. 

You turn and rest your head against his chest, his breaths slow and relaxed. Your hands run up his chest, stopping at the gold chain around his neck.

“Never took you for a necklace man, why do you wear it?”

“My daughter got it for me, when I won that playoff game.”

“Like THAT playoff game you hit the walk-off?” Your question implying it’s the same game you celebrated together in the back of the club. 

“Yeah, that one,” Joel wraps his hand around yours. “Sometimes I still think of you and I that night when I see it. Thank you for tonight. You made a bad day into the best night.”

A/N: I adore these two. This stands as a one shot right now, since I'm currently working on my multi-chapter story Elks, but I might revisit them later. Go sports!

[lionlena]

I can't be everywhere (No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader) ANGST! Part 3

Summary: You knew Joel was a busy man, but you never thought that when you needed him most you would hear, "I can't be everywhere." As if your pain meant nothing. So you decided that you couldn't be everywhere either… You couldn't be in his heart anymore.

Warnings: NSFW, self-harm (something like that), rough sex, p in v, unprotected sex, ANGST, miscarriage, misunderstanding, loss, mourning, broken heart, age gap (17 years), Joel is 45, depression, Joel tries hard, but… He can't show his true emotions…

Part 3

You thought being away from Joel, away from the place that reminded you of the loss of your baby, would help you, but it didn't. You felt like you were starting to get depressed, and living with your friend wasn't helping you at all. Maddie was sweet, but she tried too hard. You felt like she was taking on the role of your mother. She was worried that you weren't eating enough, that you weren't going out enough, and her attempts to talk to you about going to therapy only made you angry.

Deep down you knew she wanted good for you, but in your emotional state, you just had the desire to reject her. And that's exactly what you did. You found an apartment to rent and two weeks after you first entered her apartment, you moved out.

After finding a new apartment, you didn't feel any better. You tried to occupy your mind, find a new hobby, work more, but… You ended up sitting in the corner of your bedroom and crying. You processed thousands of scenarios in your head. Maybe you should have had an abortion? Then it would all be over before it began. Maybe not? Maybe you would suffer more and hate Joel more. Maybe you had a bad diet? You didn't take folic acid before pregnancy because… You weren't planning a pregnancy. Thousands of thoughts that did not allow you to sleep and function normally. Being able to work from home didn't make anything easier either, because you didn't have to go outside. You always had a tendency to overthink and get anxious, but when you were with Joel it was easier for you. He always knew how to put your mind at ease. He wrapped his strong arms around you and pulled you to his chest. He kissed your head and murmured sweet things. Joel wasn't a man of many words, but his embrace was enough. You felt then safe and surrounded by a protective cocoon of love. But you weren't sure if it would help you now. * Joel hated the emptiness that filled his house. The emptiness that reflected his interior. He slowly realized how much he should have changed in his life and himself. He didn't know if this would get you back, but he had to do something because he felt like he was going crazy. He started by renovating the house or rather building another room… A children's room. He decided to tear down the wall and enlarge the room that had once served as Sarah's dressing room and storage room for her toys. He knew it was crazy, and Tommy didn't hesitate to say it to his face when he visited to watch a game and drink beer.

"Are you crazy? Let me understand this correctly. You are building a children's room now, for a baby who…"

Joel grimaced. When he heard it out loud, he realized how stupid it was, but he was going to defend himself.

"No. Look, I'm not crazy, I know it won't bring this baby back to life, but… I should have started doing this as soon as I found out about Y/N's pregnancy. I know it seems crazy now, but… I have to do this and… It doesn't have to be the nursery. When Y/N comes back… If she comes back, she'll decide. It could be her office, guest room, home gym… Whatever."

Tommy took a sip of his beer and nodded.

"Okay… Now that sounds a little more reasonable. Shall I help you?"

Joel smiled a little. Sometimes his younger brother was very annoying, but he could always count on his support.

"Sure."

The younger Miller looked at him and asked quietly:

"Has Y/N spoken to you?"

Joel reached for another beer and shook his head.

"He replies to my text messages, but as briefly as possible. Usually, it's just a dry: okay, I'm fine, don't call…"

Tommy sighed and nodded.

"So for now, no chance of her coming back."

"No, but… If this is your way of trying to get out of helping me with the renovation, it's too late."

Tommy laughed softly.

"Not at all… I promised it, so I'll help you." * A month and a half had passed since you left and Joel was losing hope of any reconciliation with you. He felt lost and maybe a little disappointed. He just wanted a chance, one little chance. He was ready to do anything, to fall on his knees in front of you and beg for forgiveness. He would promise you everything.

When he got your text message with the address of the new apartment and the request to send your things, he felt his heart break once again, and then… He knew that what he wanted to do was crazy, that you would be furious, but it was his last hope. *

When you heard the doorbell, you were sure it was the courier with your things. From what Joel wrote, everything was fit into four boxes. You walked across the living room and kicked the pizza box under the couch. You didn't care that your hair was messy and you were wearing Joel's old t-shirt that you took before leaving him. You couldn't even explain why you were wearing it. You told yourself it was comfortable, but you knew it wasn't everything. You opened the door and your heart sank.

"What the fuck…"

That was the first thing you managed to say when you saw Joel with a bouquet, his hair slicked back and looking too good for your opinion.

Joel expected such a reaction, so he didn't lose his confidence and gently said:

"Hey, Y/N…" He looked you up and down. He saw that you didn't look your best. The fact that you were wearing his t-shirt made him feel both happy and melancholy.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" you hissed.

You wanted to slam the door, preferably to hit him in the nose, but you knew it was pointless. Joel would probably be banging on the door anyway. You would never think that he would take time off work and drive so many miles to see you. This seemed out of character for him. So he must have been desperate.

"I brought your things. I thought it would be better if I did it myself, just to… To make sure they reach you."

You huffed and looked at him disapprovingly. It was such a pathetic excuse.

"Yeah, of course."

Joel lowered his head and scratched the back of his neck.

"I wanted to see you." He said contritely. "Call me an idiot, an asshole… A motherfucker, but… I miss you."

Something about his voice and attitude made you soften. This wasn't the same Joel who hurt you in the hospital. It didn't mean you forgave him, but… You missed him too. You missed his body, the grip of his hands on your hips. You felt yourself getting warm. You had this sudden need to replace your emotional pain with a moment of oblivion. You grabbed Joel by his shirt and dragged him inside. You grabbed the flowers he was holding for you and tossed them aside.

"I missed…" You growled and started to undo his belt. "…for this."

Joel's eyes widened and he gasped in surprise. His hands were shaking as he grabbed yours and tried to stop you from what you were doing.

"Y/N what are you doing… I… That's not what I came for."

You felt like laughing. You knew perfectly well that he wasn't here to have sex. Joel might be an asshole sometimes, but he would never do something like this. You didn't care, you were going to push him over the edge. Use him like a fucking toy.

"I want you to fuck me! Hard, fast, rough… So I can feel it in next day…"

Joel's face turned red and he swallowed hard.

"But… I… I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't give a damn what you want!"

Joel swallowed. Part of him wanted to push you away, beg you to come back to your senses. He didn't come to make love to you. He wanted to talk to you and beg for forgiveness, but on the way to you, he promised himself that he would do whatever you wanted. And you wanted rough sex. So he put aside morality and common sense and turned on his animal instincts. He thought it was too simple, but the truth was that you always turned him on, even in his stretched-out t-shirt. He grabbed your buttocks and picked you up onto the kitchen counter. You smirked. You had him exactly where you wanted him. You saw the bulge in his pants. Joel grabbed your thighs and said:

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He didn't need more, he took off your shorts and panties in one move. His hand went to your pussy, but before he could touch your clit, you grabbed his hand.

"No… Without preparation."

Joel looked at you with dark eyes and growled.

"I won't fuck you when you are dry! You want me to hurt you. I'll do it the way you want… Hard… Rough, but…" He sighed and his gaze became pleading. "Please."

You wanted to continue arguing with him, but you knew he was right. He was capable of fucking you so hard that you would feel it the next day, even if he prepared you. You nodded, and his thumb immediately began rubbing rhythmic circles on your clit. His free hand reached for his cock, which was already half-hard.

You tilted your head back and moaned softly as you felt him insert one finger into you.

He too made a few grunts as he stroked his cock, which was already standing proudly.

When you felt yourself getting closer to climax, you grabbed his wrist and growled:

"Enough! I'm ready…"

He looked at you in surprise and grimaced. You knew what he meant. He was a master at preparing you, and he never stopped stretching you with just one finger.

"Are you… Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Joel sighed and shook his head, but he was already aroused and saw that there was no point in arguing with you. He pulled away for a moment and lowered his pants and boxers. He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and went to pull out a condom, but you stopped him again. This time there was anger in his eyes.

"Y/N…" he growled warningly.

But you weren't going to take a step back.

"I'm not making you finish inside me… You'll take out before you come."

You saw the moment he gave up. He simply didn't have the energy to fight you as his erect cock twitched with anticipation, wanting to feel your warm core.

"All right."

He grabbed your hips and pulled you to the edge of the kitchen counter. You felt his cock head against your pussy. You bit your lip and nodded slightly at him. You knew it would hurt, but you wanted it.

Joel pushed into you with one brutal thrust, causing the air to escape from your lungs. You dug your nails into his shoulders and gasped. Joel moved closer to you. His lips were on your neck as he growled,

"This is what you wanted…" And then, more gently, he added, "Should I stop?"

"NO." You hissed.

And that was it. He figured you got a chance earlier to back out. He wanted you in that animalistic way, even though he knew how wrong it was. He gripped your hips tightly and that was his only warning before he started pounding into you.

He didn't even give you a moment to adjust to his thrusts. You held onto him tightly, completely at his mercy. You had no control over the speed or force of his thrusts. You screamed as the pain mixed with pleasure.

Joel got lost in your body and he couldn't think straight. He finally felt your warm body, and your scent, and heard your voice. For a few seconds, he could forget everything that had happened. He could pretend you never broke up.

He just came home from work and you greeted him in his t-shirt and soaked panties and offered him your pussy instead of dinner. So he accepted it happily and took you here and now.

You moaned louder and louder as you felt your climax getting closer. Your thighs were trembling, your breathing quick and shallow.

"Jooo… I…"

You dug your nails deeper into his flesh as you climaxed. Joel grunted as he felt your vaginal muscles tighten around his cock. He knew he had to get out of you… Quick.

You hissed in pain when he pulled out of you without warning and with a decisive movement. He leaned back and grabbed his dick. A few movements of his hand were enough for him to come. His cum landed on your thighs and the kitchen counter.

Joel pulled up his boxers and pants. He moved closer to you and rested his head on your shoulder, breathing heavily.

You raised your hand, wanting to do what you always did, which was to run your hand through his hair, but in the end, you stopped yourself.

After a few moments, Joel controlled his breathing and pulled away, and then… He grabbed you and held you in his arms. You didn't expect this. He carried you to the couch and carefully laid you down.

"Bathroom?"

"In the hall on the right…" you muttered.

Joel nodded and when he was gone you closed your eyes and sighed. You still felt the pain from his strong thrusts, but it finally made your mind go blank. There were no unnecessary thoughts, just a feeling of fulfillment and pain mixed with pleasure.

You didn't even notice when Joel came back. When you felt the wet, warm towel between your thighs, you yelped in surprise and jumped. Joel immediately placed his hand on your belly and said soothingly:

"I'm just going to clean you up… How are you feeling?"

You blinked in surprise. It's not that Joel was never tender and caring, and yet… He was never that caring. You cleared your throat and muttered:

"I'm okay…"

Joel nodded and placed a soft kiss on your thigh.

"Do you need anything? Water? A painkiller? A warm compress?"

You frowned and shook your head.

"No… I just want to take a nap."

"Of course."

Joel immediately got up and lay down next to you, wrapping his arms around you. Well… that's not what you wanted. But when you felt his warm, strong body pressing against your body, you gave up. When you felt him kiss your head, you allowed yourself to relax. You haven't slept well in weeks. Before you thought twice, you fell into a deep sleep. * In the morning you woke up in bed. You slowly sat up and blinked in surprise. You looked around confused, thinking maybe it was all a dream, but then you moved your hips and felt yourself sore. You looked at your watch and realized that you had slept for over twelve hours. Your eyes widened in surprise. What added to the shock was the fact that there was a glass of water and Advil on the bedside table. After a while, you heard a noise coming from the kitchen. You carefully got out of bed and put on a clean T-shirt and shorts. You slowly moved towards the kitchen. You smelled food, which made you feel hungry. You noticed boxes of your things in the living room. And then Joel standing at the kitchen stove caught your attention. His back was turned to you and you could admire his broad shoulders and muscular back.

Joel turned around and smiled warmly when he saw you.

"Hey… Did you sleep well?"

You frowned, wondering if maybe you were sleeping. You ignored his question and sat down at the kitchen table.

"What happened?"

Joel sighed, the smile disappearing from his face when he noticed that you weren't happy at all.

"You fell asleep… You slept so soundly that my attempts to wake you up were useless. I moved you to the bedroom, brought your things, slept on the couch, and… Now I'm making you breakfast."

You snorted, wondering if he was serious.

"You're making me breakfast? Wow. Where did you get the idea that I wanted that? Where did you get the idea that I wanted you to stay here for the night."

Joel cocked his head to the side as if he didn't even understand what you were saying.

"But… I thought that… We… You…"

You felt irritation rising within you.

"That what? That I forgave you because you fucked me? No, Joel… I just needed it, that's all."

Joel felt like you hit him in the chest with something heavy. Yes, he knew he deserved it. He nodded and looked at you sadly.

"Do you want me to…"

"To come back to Texas. Now."

You were a little afraid that Joel would start arguing with you, that maybe he would say something that would hurt you, but… He just walked to the couch, gathered his things, put on his jacket, and then walked up to you and kissed your head. He took you completely by surprise and you couldn't even push him away.

"Let me know if you need anything, I'll fly to you… And remember that I'm waiting for you. And I will wait as long as you need."

When he left, you realized you had been holding your breath the whole time. You took a shaky breath and felt tears streaming down your cheeks. You couldn't move. You looked at the cup of coffee and cheese toast that Joel had left on the counter. You wrapped your arms around yourself and allowed yourself more tears. *

A/N 1) Before you comment, please bear in mind that I want to show that depression sometimes comes in many forms. Depressed people are prone to dangerous behavior, such as sex with strangers. Unfortunately, I myself found out in the past that physical pain brought me relief from mental pain. If some people are dissatisfied with the reader's behavior, I'm sorry, but no one is forcing you to continue reading.

2) I watched scenes from episode 6 hundreds of times and concluded that Joel is an emotional orphan. Joel cannot express his own feelings, so he adapts to the feelings of others. In the first conversation with Tommy (the one in the bar), Tommy is a bit pushy, tense, and rough, and… Joel reacts with exactly the same emotions. In their second conversation, Tommy shows much more empathy, compassion, and calm, he is more open, so Joel opens up to him. In turn, in a conversation with Ellie, who attacks him (which, by the way, is normal for teenagers), Joel obviously takes on her emotions. And that's why when Y/N throws herself at him and encourages him to have rough sex, he naturally picks up on her lack of control and unbalanced attitude.

Part 2

Part 4

Tag list: @fahemzzz @picketniffler @elliaze @txtattoostark @this--is--music @anavatazes @simplyreading96 @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @southernbe @sarahhxx03 @noisynightmarepoetry @jasminedragoon @pedromousposts @joeldjarin

Permanentny tag list: @harriedandharassed

[justagalwhowrites]

Halcyon - Ch. 3: Why don’t we try to actually get our shit together?

You and Joel come up with a plan. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 2, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Some mild diet talk, no explicit mention of reader's weight or size (beyond she is smaller than Joel but my Joels are all giant, OK? Joel is like 6'5" Joel is a big big man, big big man). Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 5K

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“Sir, I can’t just… Well, I understand that you say that but…” 

Amanda, the sophomore girl who worked the front desk of the English department offices, frowned, phone clutched against her head. 

“I understand that,” she said again. “But she’s a special case, Professor…” She flinched and glanced up to see you coming in, looking relieved. “Sir? Give me just one second and I can check…” She pressed the hold button and lowered the receiver. “Professor, I am so so sorry, I know we’re not supposed to send unexpected calls or emails through to you but do you know a Joel Miller? He’s insisting he’s a friend of yours and…” 

You raised your eyebrows before answering. 

“Yeah, I know Joel. Go ahead and transfer him back to my office. And if he ever gives you a hard time again, tell him to fuck off.” 

Amanda looked relieved and took Joel off hold as you went to the end of the hall and unlocked your door. You didn’t have to share an office like a few other people in your department. One of the perks, you imagined, of being a big name that got the university some attention. But you hadn’t done much with the space yet, the only thing on the wall a framed poster that the dean had waiting for you when you started there. 

Your phone rang just as you set down your bag and you picked it up, tucking it against your shoulder. 

“Yes, what do you want, I’m busy being very famous and important,” you said with a slight English accent. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize best selling authors were such a hot commodity,” Joel said. “Should I make an appointment?” 

“Probably,” you replied. He snorted. “What’s up?” 

“Did you know that you tried to put your number in my phone the other night?” Joel asked. “Note that I say ‘tried’ because what you actually did was put something in my notes that has four numbers and then seven symbols which, if you’re counting, ain’t even the right number of digits.” 

You scoffed. 

“You’re lucky I didn’t change your passcode or set an alarm for 4:30 in the morning,” you said. “Sounds like you got off easy.” 

“You’re a menace.” 

“I know,” you said, smiling a little to yourself. “So why were you looking for my number on a Monday morning?” 

“Because I was looking for your number on a Sunday morning and ended up shit outta luck,” he replied. “Figured I could catch you at work. They got you all locked down over there, huh?” 

“Trying to discourage random readers from contacting me here is all,” you said. “There was a problem with that at Brown right when the book first got popular. I don’t think it’d be as much of a problem now but still, administration thought it was smart. Speaking of which, don’t be a shit to my office aide.” 

“Makes sense, I guess,” he said, ignoring your last comment. “Think you can put me on the list of people who are allowed to talk to you? And on the list of people who are allowed to bring you food?” 

“Bring me food?” You frowned. 

“Well, yeah,” he said. “I was hoping I could do that. Like… today. In an hour or so. If you’re not shaping young minds or whatever.” 

“Don’t you have work?” You laughed. 

“New job starts tomorrow,” he said. “And I don’t exactly have a lot of time without Sarah where I’m not at work.” 

“And you want to see me?” 

“No, I figured I’d just call and annoy your secretary as a new hobby…” 

“Office aide.” 

“You free for lunch or not, Goldie?” He said, exasperated. You resisted the urge to laugh. 

“Yeah,” you said. “Yeah, I’m free. I have a class gap from 11:30 to 2. I can meet you somewhere…” 

“I’ll just come to you,” he said. “Assuming that a fancy schmancy professor will still eat tamale lady tamales…” 

“OK you could have opened with tamale lady tamales,” you said. “Buried the lead there, Miller.” 

Joel laughed. 

“I’ll give you my number and you can text me where your office is,” he said. “Then I’ll have a way to contact you that isn’t fucking gibberish. See you in two hours.” 

You put his number into your phone and texted him. He responded with a screenshot of your note with the message literally none of those numbers are right which made you laugh. 

It was hard to focus as you taught your next class, checking your watch every few minutes to see just how much time had passed. You were keyed up, stomach tight, and you tried to talk yourself down as you walked half way across campus back to your office. 

It was Joel. Just Joel. Sure, before Friday, you hadn’t seen or talked to him in years but falling back into friendship with him had felt so easy so far. He was safe and comfortable. You’d spent every day with Joel once upon a time. 

But that felt so long ago now. You were different people then. Joel was a jock who pretty much just hung out with you and tried to speed run his way through every hot girl in school. You were a geek who spent her entire life either trailing along behind Joel or with her nose in a book. A lot had changed in the last decade and a half. Joel had a kid. You’d gotten married and divorced. Well, almost divorced. Nothing was finalized yet but you’d stopped wearing your wedding band when you moved to Texas even though it still sat on the ring stand on your bedside table. 

After Friday and Saturday, you weren’t entirely sure if you were going to see Joel again. You hadn’t gotten his number and you remembered nothing of trying to put your number in his phone while you were drunk. You weren’t sure if it was going to be a fluke, just a blip on the radar of your lives that had gone on totally disconnected paths for more than a decade, or if this was something that would continue. 

You weren’t sure what you wanted. Losing him the first time had hurt. It might have been the worst thing that had ever happened to you, even worse than losing your mother, than watching your sister sister fall apart in slow motion over the last decade, than your father entirely. Was it something you could survive again? Was it something you’d need to dig back up and talk through with Joel now that you were speaking again? If that was what he needed, was that something you could handle doing? You weren’t sure about any of it. 

But you were already starting to think that you’d go along with anything Joel wanted as long as you got to keep him around this time, just like high school. He’d been the sun and you’d been caught in the gravity of him. You wondered if you’d ever escaped it at all. 

You straightened up your office a bit, not that you’d had much time for things to get too messy. Most things were submitted virtually now, though you insisted on poetry being printed to make sure formatting was maintained, and most of your personal notes were contained to planners and notebooks that were in orderly piles on your desk. You were absently checking your email when there was a knock on the frame of your door and you looked up to see Joel standing there, a foil covered plate in one hand, two glass bottles of Dr. Pepper in the other. 

“Oh my God, is that Dublin Dr. Pepper?” You gaped at him. 

“Technically no,” he said, coming in and setting a bottle down in front of you. “Stopped making it at the Dublin plant years ago but basically the same thing. Hi, by the way.” 

“Hi. And I’ll take basically the same thing,” you said, leaning forward to peer into the hall. “Do me a favor and close the door?” 

He nudged it shut with his foot and you took the bottle, popping it open on the edge of your desk. Joel sat in the chair on the other side of your desk before he followed suit, smirking as he did. 

“I didn’t want witnesses if I broke the desk I’ve had all of a month, OK?” You said. 

“Goldie, I don’t think you could break the desk if you tried,” he said, taking a sip of his drink. You did the same, humming a little in appreciation. You rolled the liquid on your tongue like you would a wine, the bubbles crackling and dancing there before you swallowed it. 

“God, that’s good,” you said. “I can’t remember the last time I had a soda that wasn’t diet…” 

“Christ you sound like a Yankee,” Joel laughed, sitting back in the chair. “That’s a Coke in your hand, darlin’, not a fuckin’ soda.” 

“Oh God,” you groaned and laughed, too. “That was such a hard habit to break! I’d ask my roommate if we had any Cokes, she said no, I’d go in the fridge later and see Diet Pepsi and have a what the fuck moment.” 

“Strange world out there,” Joel smiled slightly, turning the glass bottle that looked so small in his large hands. 

“Are these the tamales?” You asked, nodding at the plate. 

“Oh, shit, yeah,” he said, taking the foil off the plate. The corn husks glistened and you groaned a little. Joel pulled two sets of plastic wrapped silverware out of his pocket and handed you one. “How long’s it been since you had one of these?” 

“I don’t even want to own up to it,” you said, unwrapping the fork and knife. “I’ve basically been on a diet for the last decade of my life, these look incredible.” 

You wheeled your office chair around the desk and sat next to Joel before peeling back a husk and cutting the end off with your fork and taking a bite. Your eyes rolled back in your head and you slumped back in the chair with a satisfied moan. 

“Jesus Christ.” 

“That good, huh?” Joel laughed.You just nodded, mouth full, and sat up to cut off another bite before you even swallowed the first one. “Diet for 10 years?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, covering your mouth with your hand until you could swallow. “There was the book tour, they wanted me to look a certain way. And… well, my husband has a type so…” 

“Fuck that guy,” Joel said, opening another tamale and taking a bite of it. You rolled your eyes a little. “Mean it, fuck that and fuck him.” 

“Oh, so you don’t have a type?” You asked, brows raised. “Because I seem to remember a very distinctive type in high school…” 

“Oh lord,” he rolled his eyes. 

“Pretty, for sure,” you said, teasing a little. “You definitely seemed to be a bit of a boobs man…” 

“If I were with someone I sure as shit wouldn’t make them fucking diet to be my type,” he cut you off. “He’s a fucking idiot, Goldie.” 

“You’re making a bigger deal out of this than it really is,” you waved him off. 

“No, I’m really not,” he replied. “If we’d been talkin’ I’d have fuckin’ come to Rhode Island and kicked his sorry ass.” 

“Joel,” you rolled your eyes. 

“What?” He asked. “I would’ve. And he’d fuckin’ deserve it.” 

“Anyway,” you said, cutting off another chunk of tamale. “You’ve got a new job starting tomorrow?” 

“Yeah,” he nodded. “It’s one that I’m actually lookin’ forward to, too. Get to be a little more creative…” 

“You don’t normally get to be creative?” You frowned. 

He scoffed. 

“Not on any of the big shit,” he said. “Owners and managers get to do that. They toss me the smaller projects here and there to plan and run, this one is some owner’s suite remodel. Doin’ the bathroom, fancy fucking closet, that kind of shit. They’re letting me run it so I’ll shut up about never getting to do the fun stuff.” 

“How long have you been working there?” You asked. 

“Since I was 20,” he said. “So… fuck, 13 years? Jesus, I’m getting old…” 

“And they’re not letting you do the creative stuff?” You asked, brows raised. 

“I’m apparently ‘too valuable’ runnin’ the crew,” he used air quotes. “They throw a few of these little jobs to me every year but mostly I just make sure shit goes right on site for bigger jobs. Get it all done on time, all that.” 

“Do you like doing that?” You asked. 

“Not really.” 

“OK,” you frowned. “So why are you still there?” 

“Well, mostly because I tried paying my mortgage once with dreams and they told me to fuck off,” he said dryly and you glared at him. 

“You know what I mean,” you said, cutting off a chunk of his tamale. 

“Hey!” 

“Shove it,” you popped it in your mouth before he could take it back. He rolled his eyes. “You’ve been doing that work for a while is what I mean, I’m sure somewhere else would hire you and you could do the parts of it you liked.” 

“What I really want is to start my own company,” he said. “Well, what I really want is to play music but that ship’s sailed. Realistically, I’d like to start my own company. I think I could make some really cool shit if I had the chance.” 

“So do it,” you shrugged. 

“Oh yeah, easy for you to say,” he scoffed. “What, you just write your fuckin’ book?” 

“No,” you said. “It took a lot of work and editing and rewriting and I’m not sure I’ll ever do it again but I did it. You can do it.” 

“What do you mean you’re not sure you’ll ever do it again?” He frowned. “Thought I saw somethin’ about you writing another one.” 

You looked at him for a moment, frowning a little, fork frozen over the plate. You were contracted for another book but that wasn’t something that had made national news, just an item in some industry publications after the press release from the publisher. 

Why would Joel know that?

“What?” He asked. “Why are you starin’ at me?” 

“Oh,” you said. “Just got something on your face…” You dipped your fork into some of the drippings on the plate before smearing it on Joel’s cheek. “Just there, nothing crazy.” 

He pursed his lips and looked like he was struggling not to laugh. 

“You’re the worst person I know,” he said, wiping his face with a tissue from the box on your desk.

You smirked, sitting back in your chair and putting your legging-clad legs in his lap, the way you used to sit with him on the couch back when you were teenagers. 

“I know.” 

“I’m serious though,” he said, the hand not holding the fork going around your calf just like it always had. “What do you mean you might never do it again?” 

“I don’t know,” you sighed, peeling the husk off another tamale and cutting off a bite of it. “I don’t know that I have another story to tell. I’ve been trying to tell another one and I just… haven’t found one. I think I had one good story in me and I told it. That’s the end.” 

“That’s bullshit,” Joel said. 

“It’s really not,” you shrugged. “When I wrote the first one it just kind of flowed. At least the first draft did. I wrote it in about six months after my mom died and Gale…” 

“Brad.” 

You glared at him. 

“Gale,” you repeated. “Edited it and workshopped it with me.” 

“Oh I’m sure he was a fuckin’ natural at that,” Joel said, voice dripping in sarcasm. You glared at him. “What, you’re telling me I’m wrong? I don’t think I am…”

“He was well equipped for the job,” you allowed. “And yeah, it took a lot of edits and rewrites before it was ready to even start trying to show to agents, it was years of work… Who would I do that with now? I don’t know that I can do it by myself…” 

“Do it with your publisher and shit,” Joel said. “Come on, don’t tell me that jackass is what’s holding you back…” 

“It’s not just that. I really don’t know that I have anything else to say. And even if I did…” you took a deep breath. You’d never said this aloud, not even to your agent. “If I did, what if it’s not as good?” 

Joel waved you off. 

“Of course it’d be as good, the fuck are you talking about?” 

“I’m talking about the fact that everyone freaked the fuck out about the fact that my ‘debut novel,’” you put the words in air quotes, “was so brilliant and shit, what if I never write anything better? What if everything I ever make after this is a let down? What if I never do anything good again? Everyone who took a risk on me, everyone who read my first book, everyone who ever thought I could do something will be let down by it. Jesus, one reviewer said it was the best debut novel since To Kill a Mockingbird, how the fuck am I supposed to live up to that? Starting to understand why Harper Lee didn’t publish anything else for decades…” 

 “Goldie,” Joel said gently. “I’m sure you’d write something great.”

You poked at your tamale, staring at it as you did. 

“What if the only great thing I ever made was great because of him?” You asked quietly, eyes darting to Joel for a second before looking back at the plate. “What if it was just fine when it came from me and it only became what it became because of him?” 

“Anything you’d write would be great, got nothing to do with fuckin’ Brad,” he said. “Not sure you can write something that’s not great.” 

You rolled your eyes. 

“Joel, you read the articles I wrote for the school paper,” you said. “I don’t think you’re a fair judge.” 

“And your lit mag stuff,” he said defensively. “Look, I’m not a genius or anything but I’m smart enough to know when something’s great and you’re great, alright?” 

“Yeah, well…” you nudged his leg with your knee. “So are you.” 

He just looked at you for a moment until you frowned. 

“What?” 

He leaned forward with his fork, smearing some tamale drippings on the tip of your nose.

“Got something right… there.” 

You laughed and he squeezed your calf and you cleaned your face before you went back to focusing on the food and life outside of your broader ambitions. Before what felt like too long there was a knock on your door and Alyssa poked her head in. 

“Sorry, didn’t realize you had company,” she smiled, her eyes drifting to where your legs were still in Joel’s lap. “I was just going to put a note on your desk, I figured you’d be at your next class already. Have you written your midterm yet?” 

“Not yet,” you said, looking at your watch and you realized it was far later than you realized and you had less than 10 minutes to walk to your next class. “Shit, I have to go!” 

Joel released your leg from his hold and you scrambled to collect your things as Joel cleaned up the remains of lunch. 

“If you wanted to write midterms together,” Alyssa said as you slung your bag over your shoulder. “Maybe next week?” 

“Sure,” you said, looking around at your desk and grabbing your gold notebook before standing next to Joel. “Email me?” 

“Yup,” she smiled, looking Joel up and down. “Absolutely will. Hi.” 

“Hi,” he said, smiling a little. You looked between them and fought the urge to groan. She was just Joel’s type. 

“Alright, some of us have to go teach,” you said. “Out of my office so I can lock up.” 

You ushered them both into the hall. 

“Have fun teaching,” Alyssa waved, giving Joel a last look before heading to her office a few doors down from yours. 

“Oh I’m sure I will,” you said, taking Joel’s hand and pulling him along behind you before he could start gawking at her and then you were really late for school. “See you later…” 

“What was that about?” Joel laughed as you spilled out into the hall that was tight with the press of students. 

“I know your type,” you said. “And I don’t have time to wait for you to be done doing your thing…” 

“My ‘thing?’ And you know my type?” He asked, brows raised. “Really? Well, in that case…” 

“Oh shut up,” you rolled your eyes and he laughed. 

“I came by to see you, for the record,” he said. “And apparently feed you properly since you aren’t gonna do it yourself…” 

“Thank you,” you said, sincerely. “That was really good. And it was really nice, hanging out with you.” 

“It was good to hang out with you, too,” he said, smiling a little, his hands shoved in his pockets. “Should let you get to class though. Those minds aren’t gonna shape themselves. And I have your actual number now, not the fuckin’ hieroglyphics you tried to leave me Friday…” 

“And I have yours,” you smiled back. “But I do have to go…” 

“Right,” he said, leaning in and pulling you into a hug and holding you close for a second. He was warm and his chest was firm and there was something about the way his arms fit around you that was so all encompassing you were certain that you belonged there with him. That, somewhere in the universe, the root of you both had grown together and separated just to find each other again. He pulled back. “Don’t let those college kids give you too much trouble.” 

“I won’t,” you said. “Don’t let Sarah give you shit.” 

“Oh, I will,” he said. “Can’t help it. Bye, Goldie.” 

You smiled.

“Bye, Joel.” 

You were three minutes late to class. You didn’t care. 

When you got home, you went to one of the boxes you hadn’t unpacked yet, one that sat in the  extra bedroom that you hadn’t found a use for yet. You knew exactly which box, the one filled with things you only looked at when you were feeling especially strong or particularly weak. You sifted through old notebooks, past one of Joel’s faded band t-shirts that you’d swiped at his house when Tommy had knocked a cup of Kool-aid over when you were wearing a white shirt and Mrs. Miller and scrambled to get your top in the wash to get the stain out and then you’d never given it back, down to the shoebox of photos. You pulled it out and looked through them. Joel at 16, a confused look on his face as he lay on the wheeled contraption he used for sliding easily under his truck and you surprised him with camera, a splotch of grease on his cheek. You, 17, in Joel’s letterman that was big on him so it was massive on you, sleeves shoved up around your forearms as you stuck your tongue out at the camera. The two of you, 16, sitting on opposite sides of a restaurant booth, your legs stretched out on the benches, a basket of fries and a milkshake between you. You were flashing a peace sign at the camera and Joel was looking at you, a soft smile on his face. 

It was easy to remember what friendship with Joel had been. It would be so easy to fall back into it. It felt like you were always supposed to be this way, lives so intertwined they were built on the same foundation. It had seemed an impossible thing, to blow it all apart. You’d loved it then. You missed it now. But it had blown apart and you weren’t sure you could survive losing it again. 

You sighed, flipping to the back of the box to the photos from prom night. Your mom had sent them to you after you’d moved to Rhode Island and they’d languished at the photo lab for weeks. There was a simple note: “Thought you might want these,” a little heart drawn at the end. 

You found the picture of the two of you together, your hand on his chest, his arm around your waist. You were looking up into his eyes and he was looking into yours, a small smile on his face, just enough for the beginnings of his dimple to show. You looked at it for a while before you signed, packing everything else away and moving to your office, propping the photo against your computer as you sat down to write. 

***

Sarah had been in rare form that night. Very skeptical about why she needed to do homework at all and trying to logic her way out of needing to do it for as long as she possibly could. 

“Kiddo, if you just sat down and did it, you’d be done by now,” Joel had groaned at one point. 

“But if I just didn’t do it, I’d be done by now, too,” she replied. 

He took a deep breath. Sometimes, this girl… 

“Not on the table, Baby Girl,” he said. “You can either do your homework now and have time to watch TV before bed or you can not do your homework and fight me on it, not watch TV and get up early tomorrow to finish your homework. Up to you.” 

She groaned, picking up her pencil, bouncing her leg impatiently under the dinner table. Joel wasn’t sure who was happier when the damn worksheets were done, him or his daughter.

Once Joel was certain Sarah was asleep, he went to the back of his closet and found the box that he kept stashed away. He didn’t have to look far, the two copies of your book right on top. One was signed. He didn’t open that one, just looked at it now and then, held it when he wanted to touch something you’d touched once. 

The other had a worn spot on the spine, where the structure of the book had cracked and bent enough times because he’d tried to read it dozens of times but could never bring himself to go past the first page. 

He liked the cover of it, certain that you’d had a hand in picking it. It was simple, an orange sun with a gilded flower in front of it, the title, Halcyon, in bold letters below the abstract image. Joel flipped past the pages of praise, the title page, the table of contents, the forward written by fucking Brad. He turned until he got to the words that were yours. He knew they were yours, he recognized the voice of you, even on paper. No matter what you said, there wasn’t an ounce of Brad there. At least, not on that page.

“The sun in Texas was hot in summer,” you’d written, “melting ice cream and asphalt in equal measure. But it was the heat of his palm that made my cheeks burn…” 

He closed the book, looking at the back cover with your picture on it. Your arms were folded so that one was in front of you, the other vertical alongside your face. Your gaze was intense, a knowing smile on your lips, as though you were staring at him, teasing him, tempting him. “The answers are all here, Joel,” your picture said. “If you could just make yourself read it, you’d know.” 

He put the book down and got his phone out of his pocket, finding your number in his contacts. 

You answered on the second ring. 

“Oh my God, you’re so demanding,” you sighed in faux exasperation. 

Joel laughed. 

“I know, I’m so fucking needy, don’t know how you stand me.” 

You laughed back. 

“What’s up?” 

“Been thinking,” he began. 

“You?” You said. “Really?” 

“Shut up.”

You giggled. 

“Anyway,” he continued. “Feel free to tell me to kick rocks but… Sounds like neither of our lives have exactly gone the way we’ve wanted them to.” 

“You mean you didn’t plan on being a single dad and I didn’t plan on being divorced at 32?” You gasped. “Color me shocked!” 

“We were always good at holding each other accountable,” he said, ignoring you. “Hell, you’re the only reason I graduated high school…” 

“And you’re the only reason I started at the school paper,” you said. Joel smiled at that, the memory of standing outside the newspaper office while you talked to the teacher so you couldn’t back out. 

“Right,” he said. “Well… what if we did that now?” 

“Now?” He could hear you frowning through the phone. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean,” he said. “Why don’t we try to actually get our shit together? You make me better, always have…” 

“You, too,” you said quietly but you at least sounded serious now. 

“When are you supposed to have your next book done?” He asked. “Assuming there’s a contract with a deadline for that shit, right?” 

“End of next year,” you sighed. 

“Great,” Joel said. “Alright, let’s give ourselves to the end of next year to set ourselves straight. You finish your book, whatever else you want to get done…” 

“Finalize my divorce,” you said. 

“That’s a good one,” Joel said. “I’ll see about starting my own business…” 

“And having a stable relationship?” You asked. 

“Sounds like a good goal,” he answered, his stomach twisting a bit at that. “What do you say? We come up with a list of shit and go from there? You know we’re better when we’re on a team than when we’re not.” 

You were quiet for a moment. 

“Yeah,” you said eventually. “Yeah, let’s do it.” 

Joel smiled a little, looking down at the box, the cover of your book looking back at him. 

“It’s a deal,” he said. “We’ve got this, Goldie.” 

You laughed a little. 

“Hell yeah we do.”

Next Chapter

A/N: So sorry for the long wait on this! Should be weekly updates from here out for a while, promise <3

Thank you thank you thank you for reading! I'm so excited for what's coming up for these two, I just love how they love each other and yes. I can't wait to explore it all with you.

Thank you for being here! Love you!

[runningfrom2am]

Omg I neeeed a part two to hard to carry it’s so good!

your wish is my command :))

(i feel like this is literally so boring so apologies in advance lol)

hard to carry (II)

part one

pairing: jj x kook!reader

wc: 2.4k

After a week, JJ still couldn't get you off his mind. He resisted the urge to send you a message over Instagram several times, and his usage of the app spiked since you entered the username in his phone. Not that you posted anything new, but subconsciously, he was waiting for you to. More than once, he found himself tilting his phone away from his girlfriend while they were laying in bed together, hoping she wouldn't catch a glimpse of the latest picture of you he was staring at, desperately trying to recreate the feeling he got when he first laid eyes on you.

JJ is torn. Even as he sits on the takeout counter at The Wreck, laughing and talking with the girl he's loved for years, he can't help but compare her laugh to yours.

"No, JJ, we have to do something for Sarah's birthday, I'm just saying that it's a good option!" Kie laughs, wrapping her apron around her waist as she steps around the counter.

"Yeah, yeah, you're right." JJ chuckles, glancing down at his phone as it vibrates in his hand. Disappointed again when it was just a message from John B, not from you. 

"JJ! Off the counter," Mike calls out, seeing a customer walking towards the door. JJ goes to jump down, stopping with his hands gripping the edge next to him when he looks up at the customer and sees that it's you.

You carefully close the door behind you, looking down at your phone taking the last few moments before you have to talk to an employee of the restaurant to place a long order with the list you got from your parents. You want to make sure you remember everything alright, avoiding stuttering and embarrassing yourself.

You look up as you approach the counter, smiling when your eyes land on JJ. "JJ the pogue!" You call out, smiling wide. "Do you work here?"

JJ smiles, relaxing again on the counter. "Hey! Uh, no, I don't." He shakes his head, looking back over his shoulder as Kie walks out, wiping off her hands, ready to take your order.

She swats at him to jump down and he does, his eyes not leaving you for a second while you speak.

"Weird that you're sitting on the counter in an establishment you don't work at." You tilt your head at him and he chuckles, shrugging and looking over at Mike when he intervenes.

"Agreed, sweetheart." The man says, brushing past behind you to join his daughter behind the counter.

"Uh... what can I get for you?" Kie asks, glancing between JJ and you as you stare at each other.

"Oh! Uh, I've got a bit of a list that I've totally forgotten, I was hoping to get everything to go as well. Just give me one sec..." You laugh in embarrassment, looking down at your phone again.

"I can just read the list, if that's easier." The girl suggests and you nod, handing it over to her.

"Thanks, I appreciate that." You say as Kie takes the phone, typing in the computer from what you have written down in your notes app.

"What's the name for the order?" She asks, sticking her tongue to the inside of her cheek as she notices how JJ is watching you so intently.

"Y/N." You answer, catching JJ's eyes again briefly as he leans back against the counter in front of you.

"So, JJ the pogue, how was that watermelon?" You ask as Kie writes the name down on the receipt and passes it off to her dad before handing you the debit machine, which you quickly tap your card on, leaving a generous tip. Her and the man she's working with seem really nice- you assume that it's her dad, since they look quite alike. You've always also valued small businesses, and getting to know different local restaurants and stores on the island has been a favourite hobby of yours since you arrived.

JJ nods in response. "It was really good! I was right- you had a good eye, Y/N the kook." He grins, and you don't notice as the father and daughter working both lock their eyes on the two of you at the same time.

"Okay-" You laugh, shaking your head and reaching up to brush away the hair that's fallen into your face. "You're right, that does sound so bad." You say, leaning against the counter next to him and picking up your phone from where the curly-haired girl left it.

JJ smiles at you, moving over a little to give you some space. He looks back over his shoulder when he hears Kie drop something, seeing instead that she just slammed something down on the counter while she was getting your drinks ready. "Do you two know each other? Or..." Kie asks when she notices both of your eyes on her. Your smile fades, suddenly getting the vibe that she's not pleased about the two of you talking.

"Yeah! Sorry, I'm Y/N. You knew that, though, I guess." You chuckle and she nods, looking over at her boyfriend and waiting for further explanation.

"We met at the grocery store last week, she helped me pick out a watermelon. The one we ate for breakfast yesterday, she said it was the second best one they had." JJ explains, cringing internally as Kie nods skeptically, raising her eyebrows to show she doesn't believe it. Or at the very least, doesn't care. "This is Kie, by the way. My girlfriend." He turns to you now, feeling guilty already for having to say that at all. Deep in his gut, he hopes he doesn't scare you off.

"Oh! Lovely to meet you!" You smile, hoping to make a good impression despite your slight disappointment. Of course JJ wasn't single, but you hadn't let yourself consider that until this point.

"Likewise." Kie grumbles, stepping away to grab something from the back. 

"So... uh, what brought you to The Wreck?" JJ asks you as she walks out of sight.

"We heard some five-star reviews." You shrug, smiling at him then looking up to Mike. "Also that the owners live just down the block, and are upstanding citizens." You say, making the man chuckle and shake his head.

"That's real sweet." He says, returning his focus to his cooking. "Your parents are the Y/L/N's, then, yeah?" Mike asks.

"Yes sir." You nod.

"Well, welcome to the island! I'm Mike, Kie is my daughter." He explains. "And JJ isn't even supposed to be in here." His tone shifts as his eyes land on the blonde boy next to you, making him tense up.

"Message received, sir." JJ salutes him. "I'll get out of your hair, then." He stands up away from the counter, heading for the door.

"I'll see you around, yeah?" He says to you, trying to commit your eye colour to memory as the bell above the door rings when he opens it.

"See you!" You smile and wave as as he leaves, walking just out of sight.

Mike diverts his eyes from the interaction, chewing on his lip as he focusses on not burning your food. He hates JJ, of course, and would love nothing more than him and Kie to break up, but even imagining the possibility of him cheating on her makes his blood boil. He remembers seeing that look on JJ's face in the way he used to look at his daughter, and now in the way he looks at you. Maybe he should let your food burn after all.

"It was nice to meet you both! No doubt I'll be back, this smells fantastic." You smile, holding the bag of takeout on your hip as you head for the door.

"Bye, tell your parents we'll have to meet them for dinner or something sometime!" Mike smiles at you and Kie just rolls her eyes.

"Of course. They would love that." You nod. "Bye, Kie!" You add in for good measure, smiling at her. You hope that if you do make good friends with JJ, the way you hope you will, you can befriend her too and make a better first impression.

"Later." She replies sarcastically as you open the door, slipping out and letting out a sigh as the door shuts behind you and you make your way to where you parked behind the building. That was tense.

"Hey! Y/N!" You look up before you open your car door, seeing JJ walking up to you.

"I thought you were kicked out." You laugh and JJ shrugs.

"Yeah, and I left." 

"Right, of course." You giggle.

"Uh, nice car you've got." He changes the subject. He's not sure why he even waited, or why he even came to talk to you, but he just knew he had to. He couldn't let you leave again without learning something, anything else about you.

You look back at the vehicle behind you, suddenly having never seen it in your life. "Oh, thanks. It's my pride and joy. We've been through a lot together." You joke.

"Yeah it's cute. Suits you." JJ admits, smile tugging at his lips as he looks between you and the car.

"And! Get this-" You say excitedly, pulling your keys from your pocket and fumbling with them in your one free hand before starting it from outside, the Bluetooth speakers automatically connecting to your phone and blasting the same Taylor Swift song you were listening to before you parked. "Bose speakers! Isn't it cool?" 

"That is sweet, yeah." JJ nods, but he doesn't even so much as glance at the car again. "We should take it for a ride sometime." He suggests hopefully, making your smile falter a little.

"Yeah! I mean, I don't know, I feel like Kie didn't like me very much." You say quieter, tucking the keys back into your pocket.

"She doesn't have to come." JJ shrugs, making you nervous. Both of you feel guilty even as he says it, but there's just something about you that makes him unable to resist the urge to ask.

"She's welcome to! She does seem lovely. She's gorgeous, by the way." You regain your smile, again, hoping to keep your possible new friends on your good side.

"Oh, yeah, thanks." JJ says, looking down at his feet briefly.

"Does she just... Not like you having girl friends? Or is this about the kook thing again? That would be weird though because I feel like she qualifies, her parents living down the street from me and all." You ask, genuinely curious.

"Uh.. could go either way, honestly. She's gone full pogue. Her parents hate me for that." JJ laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. "She kind of hates me these days too, to be honest."

Watching his movements, you can finally admit to yourself that you are absolutely jealous of her. He's gorgeous. "What do you mean?" You ask, shamefully hoping that this means their relationship is on the outs.

"Ah, well, shit. I don't know. We just fight, sometimes, and, I don't know." JJ tries to explain, not wanting to air out their dirty laundry to someone who's essentially a stranger. A beautiful one, none-the-less. 

"Oh..." You nod a little, unsure of what to say. "I'm sorry to hear that-" 

"How about that drive, huh?" JJ interrupts you, staring into your eyes again.

"Oh- uh, yeah! We'll work out a time... I'll just message you?" You ask, taking the change of subject and running with it. "I've got to get this dinner home, my parents are waiting..."

"Shit, yeah, of course." JJ nods, giving his head a quick shake to ground himself in reality again.

"Bye, JJ the pogue!" You say, winking at him as you open your car door, placing the food on the passengers seat.

"Later, Y/N the kook." He teases, giving you a quick wave and turning to head back to his bike. God- he hopes you'll text him.

By the time Kie gets home and slams the front door, JJ is left in nothing but his pyjama pants, just about ready to go to sleep. He was hoping for a message from you that never ended up coming. You knew right away was not a good time, considering the new news that he has a girlfriend.

"Hey, baby-" He calls from the kitchen, Kie quickly following his voice and storming in. 

"Don't!" She says angrily, throwing her bag down on the counter. "What the fuck was that, JJ? Who is she?"

JJ sighs and rubs his eyes with one hand while she stares him down. "I told you, she just moved here, and we met at the grocery store- why are you-"

"No! Don't ask me why I'm being weird about it. I saw the way you looked at her! Are you fucking kidding me? In front of my dad, too? God- JJ you are unbelievable!" She shouts, shaking her head at him in utter disbelief.

"Alright- alright." JJ holds his hands up defensively. "If we want to play that game, let's talk about that touron I know you hooked up with at the kegger. Shall we? Let's go all in." He snaps, crossing his arms.

Kie's eyes widen at this. "What are you even talking about right now?"

JJ purses his lips together and nods quickly. "Oh, well, Pope told me he saw you- so don't even try to act like I'm the crazy one right now."

"It was one time!" Kie admits. "I don't even know his name- I couldn't find you and I got bored. Fuck, like, I'm sorry but this is different."

"It is different! Because I haven't done anything! I've never cheated on you! I'm loyal to you, always, I loved you through everything! I saved you from that stupid camp, and then forgave you for cheating on me, I never even said a word!" JJ shouts now, gripping the counter behind him.

"Don't you dare throw that in my face." Kie says, tone quieter now as she shakes her head at him. "I never asked you to do that. Honestly, maybe it would be better if you hadn't, actually!"

JJ nods sharply, leaving the kitchen and huffing as he walks to their room, throwing on a t-shirt. He has to get out of here. He can't imagine even coming back. He doesn't want to.

"JJ, If you walk out that door we are done." Kie says, appearing behind him as he pulls his shoes on.

JJ shakes his head a little, quickly shoving the door open and walking out without a second thought. The fresh air feels like it lifts a weight off his shoulders. He's upset, but can't help but feel relieved. He walks down towards John B's rebuilt home that he shares with Sarah, which luckily isn't very far from their own new house on the cut.

Before he reaches their door, he pulls out his phone and opens Instagram, opening your account and sending you a message. 

JJ: how about that drive?

It surprises him when you reply within a minute.

Y/N: sure :)

The guilt has faded away almost completely now, and he'll burn the bridge of dealing with Kie when he gets to it.

highly requested part two!! hopefully this didn't disappoint! (i'm definitely disappointed in it but that's neither here nor there)

taglist: @taurusvic, @casualsludgeshoetoad, @maybankspov, @sagcas-latte

[worth-this-and-more]

๋࣭⭑⚝ hiii i'm sukanya and welcome to my blog yall!!! ‹𝟹

a small reminder; my blog has detailed posts about legendborn with a lot of spoilers for both the books, so if you haven't read the books yet i would advise you to to not look too closely or you will be spoiled. stay spoiler-free everyone!!

age: 18 (doesn't give you permission to be weird) sexuality: bisexual pronouns: she/her favorite colors: red, black, purple favorite flower: roses my hobbies: reading books, listening to music, reading books while listening to music, learning new stuff because of the aforementioned books, obsessing over fictional characters, cooking, dancing, stargazing at night by sneaking out at 3 am because my parents don't allow me to go at night as i will "catch a cold", slaying my enemies in a brutal show of blood and glory, coding.

fandoms i'm part of: the legendborn cycle, percy jackson, shatter me series, artemis fowl series, lord of the rings, the inheritance games, folk of the air series, sea of ink and gold series, six of crows, a good girl's guide to murder, divergent chronicles, the secrets of immortal nicholas flamel series, harry potter series, fantastic beasts and where to find them, twilight, the mysterious benedict society, married to magic series, miss peregrine's home for peculiar children, the gilded wolves series, royal secrets series, royal secrets series, the splintered series and more

fictional characters i would sell my soul to at a discount the discount being free because i would never make them pay: briana matthews, selwyn emyrs kane, alice chen, juliette ferrars, aaron warner, nazeera ibrahim, kenji kishimoto, jude duarte, cardan greenbriar, inej ghafa, kaz brekker, avery kylie grambs, alexander hawthorne, jest, artemis fowl, holly black, hermione granger, ginny weasley, credric diggory, newt scamander, rosalie cullen, noor pradesh, jacob portman, josh newman, sophie newman, pip fitz-amobi, ravi singh and probably more but you get the point

things i absolutely adore: people becoming so excited when they talk about their favorite things, loving the absolute shit outta my friends, cooking anything and everything for those i love, listening to our shared playlist and explaining in great detail which part of the song is your favorite things i absolutely hate: anyone's opinions that disrespect someone's existence, identity, or interests, people forcing their beliefs and ideals over me, sexist and homophobic jokes in the name of "dark humor", people shitting on my fav book series after they dropped them halfway through, people who listen to jojo siwa

this is a blog for the legendborn cycle, i hope you enjoy your stay here!! i usually post theories or headcanons about the characters, and a few case studies too, all in all you will find a lot of posts about legendborn so here's a masterlist more for my preference than anyone else which i will keep updating time to time;

fanarts by me; -a small fanart for our king;

masterlist; -how do the legendborn highschoolers look like while studying -theory/analysis of bree's powers and emotional connection -found family in bloodmarked -my theory to why merlin's succumb to their blood -why do i think bree did not cheat on nick -me crying over faye's speech for bree -my expectations for oathbound -my love for sarah griffiths -questions about silver wall because why not -cestra vs tor analysis because i hate them both -how i imagine they all sound like -bloodmarked hot take -bloodmarked hotter take -shipwars in fandom when there are like 10 of us -my breesel specific playlist -an unnecessarily funny selwyn appreciation post chain -theories about ava and bree -my best friend that i added into our cult fandom -my addition to the theory of consent and root transfer -can merlins build objects other than weapons, like planes?? -theories about rootcraft in oathbound -is sel jealous of valec?? spoiler: he is fumingly jealous -an angry rant about the real motives for spell of eternity -some theories about selwyn and merlins in oathbound -what drinks do the legendborn drink: headcanons -what am i looking forward to in oathbound -detailed blog discussion "is selbree endgame?? with proofs"

feel free to send me asks about anything legendborn-related, and if you just wanna talk we can talk on my sideblog @squirrel-in-the-woods ‹𝟹

random facts about myself because this is my blog anyways: ♡ when i was 8 my pinky finger was unfortunately cut a third, like the tip of it yk, by a door that slammed really fast because of a storm at that time, and my cut off finger was joined by inserting a rod in it. the rod is taken out but now i have a funny pinky finger that does not bend. ♡ i am multilingual, aka i can speak marathi, hindi, english, spanish (i cant get the accent right but rest is okay) and korean (beginner level, just enough that i can understand kdramas mostly without subtitles). ♡ i have a fear of heights despite that i am unusually interested in roller coasters and bungee jumping, however my parents refuse to take me to any of these because i will "fall". ♡ my mother is scared shitless of water, so i once made a joke of how i would love to drown in the ocean and was immediately enrolled in a swimming class and that is how my dreams of dying among the phytoplankton and starfishes were destroyed. ♡ i love all types of fruits but banana tastes boring to me now and i also do not like watermelon for some reason. mango, kiwis, muskmelon, apples, oranges, and pineapple are my absolute fav. ♡ i used to have waist-length hair, very wavy and very thick, it was gorgeous but i hated having to maintain that so i cut it off and got a boycut. after that it has grown to a small dora the explorer length hair and it makes me look really innocent so i like this look.

and ofc you cant forget the lovely moots: @napoftustar @thejudeduarte @you-are-my-king-now-cariad @isthataraccoon @technicallyeldritch @ackerbabezzz @batzswrld @archerons-elain @ficnoire2 @sweetestblacktea @bloodmaarked @okeyisenough @thevoidhasarrived @goosemeggs @gewoonaardig2 @massiveladycat @infamouslyclumsy @literally-mariah @simzmil @tum-naam-sochlo-merese-ni-hora @refreshinglyemodemons @sweetdeerart

༊*·˚hope your day is as pretty as your smile ;)

[pappydaddy]

idiot (j.m.)

a/n: ha, i'm baaaack! bet cha didn't think y'all were getting this fic!

tv show/movie: outer banks | pairing: jj maybank x fem!pogue!reader

requested by a lovely anon as part of my 800 follower celebration

synopsis: jj tries to impress his girlfriend, but it doesn't go as well as he planned.

taglist: @luvhann | @thelakespoets  | @lonely-simp | @smarie7543 | @tenaciousperfectionunknown | @k-k0129 | @maybankslover | @taurusvic | @moralina | @verystarfishflower | @4dr1ana | @adr1an4 | @instabull | @poppet05 | @rottenstyx | @boxofsilentwords | @popeheywardssecretgf | @lexi-2004 | @i-always-come-back-xoxo | @rootbeerfaygo | @444lyra *line through your user means i could not tag you lovelies!

warnings: reckless actions, accident, mention of a dislocation, mention of breaking a bone, fluff.

navigation | masterlist | taglist sign-up

- not my gif -

JJ has done stupid and reckless things before. It was expected of him and he liked to live up to expectations. He was the unhinged friend that stressed everyone out. Since meeting him in elementary school, Y/N didn’t know JJ not to be daring which meant that she (being the nervous and apprehensive person she was) often found herself on the verge of a heart attack whenever he pulled his little stunts. Since they started dating two years ago, his chaos and recklessness has decreased, but not by any significant bounds. 

  But the decrease wasn’t from JJ changing, it was from Y/N insisting that he needs to be safe and arguing with him (which actually makes him think first). Even then, it’s a fifty-fifty shot that he actually listens. For instance, there was a new skatepark installed on The Cut, a last-ditch effort to (a) make The Cut look nicer, (b) keep Pogues out of Kook territory, and (c) lower crime rates. Of course, JJ, who has never skateboarded before, was convinced it was just like surfing so, therefore, he believed he would be a pro at it. He was wrong. Horribly wrong. But, thanks to Y/N, he was wearing a helmet and managed to avoid concussing himself on the concrete after he fell off the metal railing (nearly hitting his head on that). 

  Now, the dirt bike track was finally up and running again following the brief closure (three years) due to the owner going to jail for embezzlement. Now, after two former motocross x-game finalists who grew up in The Cut had bought it, it was fixed up and ready to be used again. Of course, JJ was naturally drawn to it, visiting every day so far this summer. Most of the time, Y/N went with him, but she was unable to go the past three weeks because Sarah had pulled her away to the mainland for shopping. 

  “Babe, I am so excited for you to come to the course again,” JJ was nearly bouncing off the walls all day. He even woke up at nine in the morning (and was like this from the start). His breakfast of a mixture of half a box of fruity pebbles and half a box of lucky charms was not helping anything. “I’ve been working on so many neat moves with Nathan, he says that I have enough skill that I could enter comps and win huge cash prizes.” 

  She looked over at him from where she packed things into her tote bag. “Nathan would know, maybe you should enter some contests. You could probably enter some surfing contests too,” She nodded, double checking the contents of her bag. JJ spending every day at the course has led to Nathan (one of the owners) coaching him as a hobby. Completely free and completely spontaneous. “You could really make a career out of these, J.” She reminded him. 

  “I don’t know, Babe,” He shrugged, grabbing the sunscreen and her sunglasses that she forgot on her dresser. “Some of these guys that play these sports come from rich families who pay for only the best training. No way I can compete against that. Their parents buy them wins basically! How can I win against someone who bribes the judges? Or someone who has the best bike?” He pointed out, handing her the items as she started to walk out of their room. 

  “Thanks,” She smiled up at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “And Nathan has competed against them and won, he can teach you how. Talent is always better than money in the long run. It’s worth a try if you think you’ll be happy,” A honk sound from outside, signalling that the Twinkie was there. “I mean, you asked me out because you thought it would make you happy and look at us now. Living together.” She gestured around at the small cottage-like house they rent. Two-bedroom, one bath, and the floor plan was open concept because it was just a kitchen and living room. 

  “Would you be okay if I started competing,” JJ asked her, his hand reaching out to gently grab her arm when she started to walk towards the front door, another honk sounding from John B. She turned around, seeing him inches away from her, eyes staring down into hers as he waited for her answer. “It’s easy to get hurt in these sports and I don’t want you worrying all the time.” 

  She sighed, smiling at him, hands coming up to cup his face. “I’m always gonna worry about you JJ. What matters is if you’re happy. You sacrifice so much for me, I can sacrifice being scared out of my wits for the length of a competition.” With that, she rolled up to the balls of her feet, pressing a kiss to his lips just when another honk sounded. 

____

  “I can’t believe you said you would be fine with him competing,” Sarah shook her head as she watched the course. People zipped around, mud flying in every direction. Sarah and Y/N sat on the bleachers, free sodas from the cooler in hand. Y/N looked up from her book, eyes searching for JJ instantly, quickly finding him talking to Nathan off on the side. “I mean, someone wipes out every second. If John B started competing in motocross I would have a nervous breakdown.” 

  Y/N shrugged, eyes leaving JJ to see John B ripping around the course. “It makes him happy and he’s really excited about Nathan telling him he could do well at this,” She took a sip of her soda, the cool liquid helping cool her body temperature. “I’m not going to let my worries ruin this for him.” 

  “You’re braver than me, girl.” Sarah shook her head, taking a drink of her own soda just as Kie and Pope turned the corner, climbing the bleachers with take out containers in their hands from the food truck parked in the parking lot. 

  “We got JJ and John B’s, they are on the bottom to stay warm,” Pope told the two girls, handing them two containers. “Though, I don’t know why I try since they will devour them cold by choice,” Pope shook his head, settling down beside Sarah, picking up his untouched soda. “Are they almost ready for a break anyway? They’ve been at this for hours.” He asked, popping the tab open, the carbonation hissing as it rushed out. 

  Glancing over at the track, Y/N shrugged. “John B will probably be done once he finishes this lap, but JJ is probably gonna take the course once more so Nathan can time him,” She explained. “He’s aiming to break his personal best.” She was proven correct when JJ pulled his helmet over his head, securing it as he nodded along to whatever Nathan was telling him, his face hidden by the dark tinted face shield. 

  Just as John B finished his lap, JJ revved his engine, mud slinging around as his tire spun. Y/N perked up slightly as he drove to the startline. With a flick of Nathan’s thumb, JJ took off, zipping around the track. Y/N wiggled to the edge of her seat, setting her soda and the two containers of fries on the bench beside her. Something told her to keep watching. Maybe it was that she thought he would make a new personal best or maybe JJ had been a little too good about not making reckless decisions as of late. She wasn’t too sure, but here she was hanging off of every mound and every turn as if he were competing for a national title. 

  Then, it all made sense when she noticed Nathan’s hands flying through the air, looking like he was telling JJ to slow down or something as he yelled into the radio that allows him to communicate with JJ. “Is that some kind of signal?” Sarah asked, her nose wrinkling as she watched Nathan’s hand movements in confusion. 

  “They have radio communication, he wouldn’t need to use hand signals unless JJ was training for a race,” John B, who Y/N didn’t notice had joined them, explained. He tipped his uncapped water bottle towards Nathan. “It looks like he’s stressin’. Must think JJ’s pushing himself too hard.” 

  The group watched with worried expressions. From where they sat, they could hear the raised voice of Nathan but they couldn’t hear what he was saying over the roar of JJ’s motor. It was a split second. A tiny movement. But it told Y/N exactly what was going on. As JJ flew by the stands, she could see the way his head stayed tilted towards her for a second too long to not be a coincidence, followed by a sudden surge of speed. “Oh, God, JJ,” She tucked her lip between her teeth. “Please don’t. Listen to Nathan.” She pleaded quietly, hoping he could sense her wishes. 

  “Don’t do what? What’s he doing?” Pope asked, looking at Y/N with nervous eyes. Before Y/N could react, JJ’s bike took the turn too tight, tire hitting the soft mud at such a high speed (nearly double the speed Nathan suggested probably), slinging mud and causing him to lose control. Everyone stood as the bike started to fall, flinging JJ off it, but Y/N was already running down the bleachers while Nathan ran towards him from the ground. 

  “JJ,” Y/N yelled, not caring that her white sneakers were getting covered in sloppy mud. Somehow, she managed to get to JJ before Nathan, dropping to her knees, ignoring the cold, uncomfortable feeling of mud shifting under her. “JJ, does anything hurt? Oh my god.” She muttered, shaking fingers trying to undo his helmet strap to pull it off, but she could barely feel any of her limbs as panic took over. 

  “My shoulder,” JJ’s voice was strained and muffled as Y/N still fumbled with the helmet. Finally pulling it off his head, she could see his face screwed up in pain, his other hand clutching the shoulder he landed on (and was currently laying on). “It really hurts.” He could barely open his eyes as he flopped his head back, mud matting into his blonde hair. 

  “His shoulder hurts, what do we do?” Y/N looked up at Nathan who turned the bike off, handing it off to John B to put away. Crouching down on the other side of JJ, he looked down at him. 

  “I think he popped his shoulder out of place,” Nathan observed, looking up at Y/N as she softly stoked JJ’s hair, feeling rather useless as he groaned in pain, a few tears even slipping from his shut eyes, mixing with the mud laying under him. “Let’s sit him up first, but someone has to take him to the hospital to get it set.”  

  “You’re not gonna go to the hospital?” Y/N asked him, eyes nearly popping out. While all of them were now adults, Nathan was in his early thirties making him more of an adult than the 19-year-olds who currently surrounded him.

  A whimper from JJ made her look down at him, seeing him trying to move. Gently, she placed her hand on his chest, rubbing it to calm him down. “I’ll be right behind you guys, I just don’t have the room to drive him to the hospital comfortably in my two-seater.” He pointed over to the car park where his black Mazda MX-5 sat, backed into the spot next to the Twinkie - a hilarious sight. 

  “We’ll help him to the van, Y/N/N,” John B crouched down, placing his hand on Y/N’s shoulder. Startled, she looked over at him. He could see the tears building in her eyes as she blinked at him, nodding. “He’ll be okay, it’s just a popped shoulder. Remember when he broke his collarbone in freshman year? This is like that but less severe.” 

  He knew she already knew that, but when you see the one you love in unbearable pain, common sense tends to take a backseat. “Okay,” She muttered, looking around - needing something to take her mind off her boyfriend laying there, not being able to open his eyes from the amount of pain he was in. “I'll open the passenger seat and get it set for him-” As she spoke, she slowly took her hands from JJ, moving to stand up but her words were cut off as a hand reached out to grab her wrist. 

  “No, stay,” JJ spoke through clenched teeth, his eyes fluttering open to look at her. His crystal clear blue eyes were clouded by tears and laced with pain as she looked back down at him, kneeling beside him. “I need you.” He whimpered, eyes snapping closed again. 

  “I won’t leave you, J.” She reassured him, pressing a kiss to his cheek softly, hoping it brought him some comfort at least. 

____

  After a very uncomfortable drive with John B going way over every single speed limit, Y/N and JJ sat in an ER bay, the curtain shielding them from the rest of the ER. “Do you think I just dislocated it?” JJ asked, his voice hoarse. He shifted his head on the pillow, looking at Y/N. He was laying more comfortably after the doctors prescribed some pain meds, but Y/N was still treating him like a porcelain doll. 

  “The tests are just to make sure they aren’t missing anything, J,” She reassured him, rubbing soothing circles on his good arm. “Whatever it is, I will take good care of you.” She smiled, throwing a wink at him knowing flirty innuendos were his favourite thing ever - especially when they came from his insanely hot girlfriend. 

  Just as JJ opened his mouth to retort, the curtain opened with a flourish. In came the doctor, followed by two interns all sporting crisp white coats. “Okay, Mr. Maybank,” The older looking doctor spoke up, eyes on the tablet he held, clicking away on it. “We got your scans back, and it looks like you have a very minor glenoid fracture on top of your treated dislocation. Now that your dislocation has been reduced, you should feel a little more comfortable, but that fracture is gonna give you some issues,” He explained, setting the tablet down and pulling a prescription pad from his coat pocket. “I am going to prescribe you some pain medication, Hydrocodone,” He spoke as he scribbled quickly. “Also known as Vicodin. I am not going to prescribe much as it's highly addictive, I recommend only using what you need along with icing frequently and resting it for a full two weeks,” He explained, handing JJ the prescription before pulling a pamphlet from his chest pocket. “That’s a pamphlet on opioids explaining how they work, major side-effects to watch out for, and tips to avoid getting addicted to them. I like to hand them out to help patients manage their pain safely.” 

  “How long does the recovery take?” Y/N asked, her hand gripping JJ’s in relief. 

  “Typically, recovery takes a total of 12 to 16 months. Like I said, after two weeks you can return to normal activity aside from heavy-lifting, sports, or strenuous activity. Then, after a span of 6 weeks or 3 months, you can resume normal activity if your shoulder permits. I would recommend a physical therapist to help with recovery, but for now, lots of rest and my interns will put your arm in a sling.” He gave them a tight smile, nodding as he turned and left the makeshift room. 

  “Hear that, J. Lots of rest and you’re gonna be fine.” Y/N smiled, letting go of JJ’s hand, standing to move out of the way of the interns as they moved around, getting his arm in a sling. She busied herself with collecting his shoes as the nurses helped her dress him earlier (so she didn’t jostle his shoulder getting his clothes on. John B had been so kind as to run to their place to get him clean clothes. 

  “You’re all set, Mr. Maybank, we will see you in 6 weeks to check on your recovery.” With that, they also left the makeshift room, leaving the curtain open. Y/N knew they were busy people and it was just an ER, but the speed of everything made her head spin slightly. 

  “I think I could get used to my hot girlfriend taking care of me for two whole weeks,” JJ commented as she kneeled down in front of him from where the interns helped him sit up, his legs over the edge of the bed. She looked up at him, shooting him a scornful look. “I think restraining myself will be a little strenuous though-”

  “JJ Maybank, no funny business until you are better, until you are cleared to resume all activity, any funny business is off the table,” She informed him sternly. He narrowed his eyes at her, pouting his lip. “I mean it JJ. Maybe then you will take recovery seriously.” 

  “If recovery means we can’t take part in my favourite pastime, then I am going to take it as serious as hell,” He remarked. “This is going to be the fastest and best recovery the doctors have ever seen. Then, you are going to have the time of your life once I am cleared.” He smirked, watching as she stood up, shaking her head. 

  Her smile she had been trying to fight broke free as she sat beside him, making sure to sit to his left (his uninjured side). “I am sure you will.” She whispered, pressing a kiss to his lips. The sound of multiple approaching footsteps made them pull away to see their friends slipping into the open curtain. 

  “Nathan is talking to your doctor, he said he would cover the medical bill,” Pope explained, pointing over his shoulder. “Good thing it was only a minor fracture, now we just have to make sure JJ actually listens during recovery.” He remarked, shooting a playful glare at the blonde. Everyone knew JJ would be a pain in the ass during recovery, always doing things he shouldn’t be doing. 

  “Not gonna be an issue,” Y/N spoke confidently. “We already talked about it and JJ is gonna take it very seriously,” She looked towards him, almost daring him not to keep his word when her face suddenly changed, looking like she had a question. “Why did you take that turn too fast anyway? Nathan was telling you to slow down and the course looked extra muddy today thanks to that rainstorm we just had.” 

  Suddenly, JJ’s cheeks tinged red in a blush and he dropped his eyes to his lap. “I wanted to impress you.” He muttered bashfully, ashamed because she endlessly told him that he impresses her every single day. 

  “You’re an idiot, JJ! You severely injured yourself to impress the girl who has seen you throw up on yourself.” She rolled her eyes, slightly shaking his hair, the only thing she thought she could do to not cause him more pain. 

  Quickly, the bashfulness was wiped from JJ’s face as a smug smile took over his face. “Well, at least I am your idiot, right?” JJ asked, making her roll her eyes at him, a large smile fighting a way onto her face as she leaned in. 

  “That’s why you’re an idiot for trying to impress me, you’re mine forever - regardless of idiocy.” She pressed another kiss to his lips, smiling into the kiss like a fool in love. 

  Pope and John B groaned at the display of affection, but Sarah and Kie cooed, hugging each other. Pope and John B started to gag as the kiss lingered, the pair of them staring into each other’s eyes intently. “Oh, shut up guys-” Kie rolled her eyes at Pope and John B. 

  “Y’all know you’re the reason I believe in love, ya know?” Sarah cooed, ignoring the other three, watching JJ and Y/N as if they were her favourite ship in a show. John B shot her a look, gesturing to himself before giving up. JJ and Y/N were the reason they all believed in love. 

  “Well, she’s the reason I believe in love.” JJ remarked, pressing another kiss to Y/N’s lips.   

[tloupride]

The Last Of Us Pride Event: Calling All Fandom Creators

Are you involved in the TLOU fandom and have a creative hobby? Are you actively involved in the fandom and want to spread the positivity? Do you wish you could be more involved but don't know where to start?

If you answered yes to any of the above, or you're simply just curious about what a TLOU pride event could entail: the admins of this account (@consultingzoologist and @roselees) invite you to join in the fun ❤️🌈

This event encourages creativity of all types, and throughout the rest of Pride Month and beyond we will be providing themed prompts for the community to use. You're welcome to use as few or as many as you would like, and to interpret them however you see fit; the blog will also be open to submissions, and any prompt ideas are welcomed too!

Need ideas? Any creative response to the prompts would be lovely, but to name just a few examples:

Fanfics 📝 and Podfics 🎧

Whether you write long form works or exclusively one-shots, canon complaint or entire AUs - any of the prompts can be used for TLOU themed fan works.

Fanart 🎨

Do you draw digitally? Or do you hand paint your art? Either way - any of the prompts can be interpreted into art works, however you see fit.

Moodboards ✨️

A fandom classic and a lost tumblr art; how do the prompts make you feel? How would these translate into pictures?

Playlists 🎵

Like the above, what songs do the prompts make you think of? Compile a playlist of what pride in TLOU means to you, or maybe the vibes a certain character gives you.

Meta / Discussion 🤔

Maybe you just want to discuss the relationship between pride and the plot of the game, or the importance it has within the show; whatever the prompt makes you think of, we'd be happy to hear it!

Headcanons ✒️

Do you have headcanons to do with pride and the show? Now is the perfect time to share!

Of course all of these are just a guideline, if you have any other ideas to fulfill the prompts, we'll be happy to see them!

All shared fan works should be tagged with '#tlou pride exchange', and they'll be reblogged and shared here. Let's spread some more positivity within the community, and celebrate all of our brilliant creators! ❤️

(The work doesn't have to have been made exclusively for this event, either. If you have a queer themed fanwork for TLOU you want to share, regardless of when it was made, just tag us for a reblog!)

And now for the prompts...

Coming out

Queerplatonic relationship

Platonic soulmates: what platonic relationships from canon are meaningful to you?

Domestic bliss: write a fic or draw some art about your favourite pairing, romantic or platonic, enjoying some much deserved peace.

Queer romance

Queer joy

Found family: would it be Pride Month without the family we choose? Maybe talk about the meta of the trope, or your favourite instance within canon. Or how it comes into play in an AU.. the possibilities are endless!

Rarepairs: pick a pairing you wouldn't normally write/edit for, and see where the inspiration takes you! Maybe you only write TessJoel... why not try your hand at Ellie/Dina? Or perhaps you want to engage with a new platonic ship; why not take two characters that barely interact in canon, and see how it unfolds? What would happen if Joel had met Anna? How about Sarah and Ellie?

Gender identity: exactly what it says on the tin.

Pride Meta: What does queerness in The Last of Us mean to you? How does it contribute to the story?

"Nature held me close": Based on the quote from Leslie Feinberg, how does nature and queerness come together?

Pride AU: whether it be canon divergent or a modern AU, go nuts!

Remix: create some fanart, or a playlist, or even an edit for your favourite queer fic, old or new!

Music: create a fanwork based around your favourite queer anthem - bonus points if its canon complaint to the show (released before September 2003) or the game (September 2013)!

Of course, all of these are just guidelines and by no means have to be strictly adhered to, let your creativity run wild! We're excited to see what you make, and be sure to share them under the tag so we can reblog and spread the positivity further ❤️

Any comments, ideas, or want to submit a prompt of your own? Send it our way!

[wannaeatramyeon]

Lookism Big Deal dynamics

hc of my number 1 crew: the Golden Era of Big Deal

Sinu Han

Naturally fun drunk uncle vibe but has to be the reluctant dad.

Tries to teach the kids and be a good role model. Attempts birds and bees lecture when he thinks the boys are up to no good but who are we kidding... no experience whatsoever. Tries to teach the crew but more often than not he learns something himself.

Gets the young members all their first beers much to Yeonhui's disapproval.

Makes them teach him the new tech, new slang, new trends. They're reluctant but he pulls rank. He will still dab to this day.

Shit stirrer, the biggest gossip, and will absolutely egg on non-serious fights.

Favourite hobby is winding up Samuel. This includes:

Calling him Sammy.

Stealing just the 1 brass knuckle, wearing it and constantly asking why Samuel's copying him.

Wearing the standard regulation Big Deal uniform and constantly asking why Samuel's copying him.

Reserving the best jokes for Samuel exclusively:

"I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it’s actually more of a wrap"

...Then proceeds to rap.

Jake Kim

Well liked and respected by almost everyone in Big Deal. They are usually won over by his natural charm and his cheeky smile.

Knows everyone by name and makes sure to acknowledge and ask about them.

Extremely good memory, to the point some members find it a bit creepy "morning [name], hope your grandmas operation went well" until they remembered they mentioned it in passing 2 months ago.

Messes around a lot. Trying to speak to him about some official business when he's not in the mood? "I'm Jane Kim, I don't know who Jake is" and runs away.

Just and fair in real life, but cheats at every game he plays. Samuel has flipped the table on him more than once.

Samuel

Has an extremely dry sense of humour that most people can't read.

Sinu: It'll be good to get a new paint job for my car. Do you think we can afford it?

Samuel: Sure. We have a lot of money to spare.

Sinu: Really???

Samuel: Everyone has been eating ramen for the last 3 weeks and you have holes in your socks. You tell me.

Most of Big Deal can't understand why he gets on so well with Jake when they seem like oil and water. Hey, opposites attract. And ultimately they're working towards the same goal for now.

These 2 are the definition of good cop, bad cop.

Jake: why are you going round terrorising our girls

Rival Gang member: your girls work for us from now on

Jake: [sigh] listen, leave Big Deal Street alone. You don't want me to get this guy [points at Samuel] involved. I'm doing you a favour here

[Samuel smoking menacingly and looking unhinged]

Rival Gang member: ...ok

[Samuel beats the shit out of him anyway]

Jerry Kwon

Most of Big Deal were absolutely terrified of him until they found out he was 15 years old and Jake prepares his lunches.

Often plans visiting Jeju Island with Jason and sightseeing for when they have money to spare.

No hard feelings between him and Lineman, with Jerry even tutoring him on some of the subjects at school.

Listens patiently to all the bullshit that Lineman weaves like it's storytime.

Jerry tries to prioritise school when he can, and still gets around on his bicycle. He wants to keep making Jake proud.

Brad Lee

You thought Jake was bad to play games with? This guy has the most underhanded tricks. Hiding extra monopoly money, random cards up his sleeve, making up rules that sound just official enough. Samuel hasn't actually flipped the table on him. He just enjoys watching Jake getting more and more pissed off then Jake will do the table flip.

During the gang's quieter days, him and Sinu are the most annoying fuckers to be around. Constantly cracking jokes and ridiculous conversations that gives the rest of Big Deal a headache.

Sinu: which octopus leg would you want be?

Brad: the fifth one, it's the most important

Sinu: (nods) that makes sense

Sinu: hey Brenda, who am i?

Brad: good morning Sarah, how's make up school going?

Jason Yoon

Hangs out on the pier a lot. The rest of Big Deal think he's broody but it reminds him of Jeju Island beaches a little and he feels homesick.

Didn't speak a lot and quiet initially. He actually did have a lot of things to say, mostly revolving round wanting Sinu and Brad to stfu but keeps his mouth shut as he doesn't want to offend the boss.

The most pragmatic out of Team YB and has the best working relationship with Samuel.

The girls have heard he's called the Crimson Stallion but they don't really know why. "Hey do you think it's cos he's hung like a-"

Lineman

Golden retriever vibes, happy to be here. Super starstruck when he was introduced to everyone.

Gets flustered and stutters when he first joined the crew "g-good morning j-jake" and 'oh h-hiya mister k-kwon' until Jason and Brad poked fun at him "hey fuck you guys!!! im just being polite >:(" he very quickly relaxed and settled in after that.

Then it was the return of the cocky Lineman: the bullshit master of Big Deal.

Completely harmless and well intentioned though so they dont mind. Everyone can smell it a mile away but they let him dig his own grave.

Lua

The conservative culture and the fact that not a lot of girls are in the crew means the boys don't know how to often act around her. She gets away with far too much and takes advantage of this.

Brings back stray cats and dogs to Big Deal, where her and Jerry would take care of them until Samuel reminds them they barely have enough money to feed themselves.

Samuel is the only person that can keep her in line, and who treats her like any other member. To him your gender doesn't matter as long as you're useful. Lua respects him a lot but finds him too intimidating to ever get too close.

[sakurachan7734]

Secrets my SCP fan kids have and SCP oc have

Lavender secrets

She accidentally set a room at her church on fire by knocking over a candlestick 

When she found out Aristotle and her dad had stalker she tracked her down she pushed her into a lake

She puts poison on her scythe to kill her enemies faster 

She has been cutting her own hair for a year

Aristotles secrets

Their new modeling boss is kinda creepy to them and they don’t tell anyone because their new boss is very well-known in the modeling industry so they feel like nobody would believe them 

They kinda want to start using drugs again

Aristotle stayed to nights in Alagadda and the hanged king tried to make them the new black lord 

They wish that they stilled lived in Paris

Jacksons secrets

⚠️Tw: r@pe! ⚠️

It wishes to be as strong and as manly as its dad.

It loves to make dolls with the skin and hair

It kept its relationship with Aristotle, Zachary and Charlie a secret for a year

It once broke into Aristotles house to steal one of their shirts to smell and use as a pillow case

Secrets Jackson’s parents know

When it was 11 every night a man from the basement would break out and would do incredible gross things to it all night but it did tells it’s dads after four months of it happening

Max secrets

Him and Sarah have a game where Sarah will run up to them and he will try and throw her as far as they can in the snow as possible one time while playing this game he accidentally threw her into a tree and put a big scar on her head luckily she was able to heal pretty fast but she was still bleeding quite a bit and crying

He once broke in Zachary’s house to take Zoe’s baby teeth

Their favorite hobby is grave robbing 

He kissed a boy and girl in their class for a dare

Charlie’s secrets

He has made several changes to his robotic body without his robot dad knowing 

He one time left his sister Abby home alone for a half an hour

Zachary secrets

The reason why he wears a hoodie and jeans no matter the weather is because he has more magical markings than just the one on his head

All though he ties to act all confident about his chubby body he is quite insecure about it 

While practicing magic in the woods, he accidentally caused a car accident by shooting some ice near a busy road 



[sharkneto]

5 Rob 1234... These exist?!? How MUCH do they exist??? What are the odds that we will eventually see them someday?

(for WIP ask game)

I've shared a few snips of them before (found HERE), and god... hopefully? I've got so many goddamn WIPs and so much less time to write than I used to during covid times, I can't promise anything and especially can't promise anything being soon.

It's a concept I love a lot - I love Five and Rob's relationship, I love Rob constantly tricking Five into cooperating with therapy until he starts doing it willingly on his own. I like the idea of Five trying to keep everything tight to his chest and aggressively keeping it there until Rob can get him to understand that he doesn't have to do that, that he doesn't have to live like that.

But it's a rarely worked on WIP (partly hence why there's multiple files of different Rob and Five conversations rather than One Set WIP), around JT and the apocalypse fic and Number vs Apocalypse Week fic and random odds and ends I play around with.

So, would I like to share it? Absolutely. Will it be any time soon? Absolutely not.

Long snip for your time, though. This is 5 Rob 3

(cw: some discussion of the implications of Five's physical vs actual age in terms of his brain and cognition, mostly from the angle of Rob being excited about brains and Five unimpressed by it)

“What are you thinking about?” Five asks after Rob doesn’t start off their session in the first minute of their meeting starting.

Rob keeps considering Five through the screen. “Your brain.”

Five blinks. “You do that to everyone?”

“More or less. When they’re my patients, definitely. And if there might be something interesting going on. Yours definitely has a lot going on.”

“Thank you?”

“You’re welcome.”

The sit and stare at each other through the screen some more. Five leans back in his seat, eyes narrowed slightly. “If I ask for specifics for what you’re thinking about in regards to my brain, will it be a long winded way of talking about something I don’t want to talk about or is this genuinely a tangent about my brain?”

Rob hums. “If I’m clever enough maybe I can loop it back to your problems but currently I’m just thinking about your brain.”

“This a hobby of yours?”

“A little bit, I guess,” he says with a laugh. “Also my job, but it is why I went psychiatrist route instead of psychologist route. If you go to medical school they let you look at more brain scans.”

“I’m sure that’s super normal,” Five deadpans.

“How would you know, with your fifty-eight-year-old consciousness in a thirteen-year-old brain?”

Five crosses his arms. “It’s almost fourteen,” he defends.

Rob thinks about that for a second. They’ve sort of talked around this before, and maybe with the birthdate coming up they should talk about it some more. He’ll poke. “Aren’t we technically still six months or so away from your physical birthday?”

That gets an exasperated huff from Five. “October 1, 1989 is my actual birthdate and I’m keeping that, it’s a constant that’s never going to change short of me fucking up so badly I’m not born, in which case I’ve got bigger problems – although not ones I’ll care about because I won’t exist.” Rob keeps a straight face. He actually loves it when Five gets on these little time-travel-insane-consequence rambles. Feels like a sci-fi movie and Sarah can’t poke holes in it like she does when they watch time-travel movies. Five also really likes to get on these tangents, so they’re really good for getting him talking on days he doesn’t want to talk – not that seems to be a problem today.

Five pauses but Rob waits. He’s not done. The pause stretches for a couple seconds before Five huffs again. “I’m not moving my birthday because I arbitrarily and accidentally changed my linear position in time. October first isn’t my actual birthday anymore, either, but the amount of effort to figure out the new date is completely not worth the effort. I could do the much easier-to-calculate physical birthday in February—” he cuts himself off with a suddenly blank expression.

Rob frowns. “Five?”

“The day’s not February tenth anymore,” he says, brow lightly furrowed.

“Why not?”

He blinks again, obviously doing math. Rob doesn’t know what it is about Five’s expression that tells him that he’s doing math, but there’s a specific sort of blankness he gets when he’s running numbers. “February tenth was my physical birthday in the apocalypse,” Five says slowly, still a bit distant. Rob subtly slides his notebook over and grabs a pen, even though Five can’t see it with how Rob has his camera angled. “It was February tenth. Now, though, assuming this body is the body I originally jumped from 2002 in…. oh, it’s still just February second. That was dumb.”

“Did you want it to be more different?”

Five shakes his head, a small frown on his lips. “No. I don’t know why I thought that was going to be a significantly different date. April 2, 2019 versus March 24, 2019 are only a week apart. I could have done that math much smarter. Christ, I’m getting stupid in my old age.”

Rob smiles. They’ve looped back to what he’d originally been thinking about. “Or your brain is thirteen. And a half,” he adds when Five gives him a flat look.

“What does my brain’s age have to do with anything?”

“A lot, actually. Maybe. What do you know about brain development?”

Five stares at him for a long moment. “Nothing.”

“Ah, lucky for us I know a lot about it. The cliff notes version of it is that there are set developmental phases for brains from ages zero to around twenty-five. Twenty-five is when science and medicine generally agree that everything is up and functioning, it hangs out there for a few years before it starts going in the other direction. Before that point, it’s building up pieces and pruning connections that allow for better logic and more complex thinking.”

“You’re saying I’m half developed. And you’re declining,” Five says dryly.

Rob shakes his head, ignoring the easy insult. “No. Maybe. See, you’re a really interesting case of the physical versus consciousness. A really fascinating case study that could be a missing key in understanding where what makes us us sits. You, yourself, are fifty-eight, assuming you haven’t been messing with me and your whole family this entire time—”

“What would the point be of doing that?”

“—which I don’t think you are, which is why I accepted you as a patient. I don’t know how you’d even go about trying to parse it out, because it’s such a messy knot. It’s why we’ve been wondering about consciousness and the self for centuries, millennia. But you have such an extreme difference between the two that we might just be able to get a hint.”

It’s quiet as Rob finishes. Five sits considering that, expression slightly pinched. Rob waits.

As Five continues to not say anything, Rob’s gut sinks a little. Maybe he got a little too excited about this, misjudged how interested Five would be about it. He did just pretty blatantly say that this man, who is already stuck looking like a thirteen-year-old, might actually be stuck in a much more real way as a thirteen-year-old.

“Five—”

“You know,” Five interrupts, “you and Sarah make a bit more sense now.”

It isn’t clear if that’s supposed to be a compliment or an insult. Maybe it’s neither. Five usually likes to rub in insults. “How do you mean?”

 “You both like puzzles. You just hide your intensity better than she does.”

Rob might have gotten a little too enthusiastic about how interesting a case Five is. “I’m sorry, Five, I—”

Five waves a hand, tone still low. “Don’t apologize. You know I appreciate candor. Was this the point?”

They haven’t been here in a little bit – Five directing with questions. Rob did miscalculate this. He can let Five keep the control. “Was what my point?”

“To talk about how shit it is to be a fully grown man who looks like a child?”

“No. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about and thought you might find it interesting, too. I had planned on today being a bit lighter on Big Things after last week.”

Five nods slowly. He’s not looking at Rob. “Wow,” he says after another moment. “Bad job of doing that.”

“I’m seeing that now, yeah.”

Five forces them to sit in that. Rob glances at the clock. He has forty minutes to salvage unless Five ends the session early.

“I get the appeal,” Five says after another long minute. “I’m an enigma on a lot of levels. Most of my life doesn’t exist anymore and what it was is so statistically improbable it should be impossible and unbelievable. This isn’t what all this has been about, right?”

He slips that question in as if it’s just an unimportant end to his statement. That’s how Rob knows it’s important. Five likes to bluster, likes to misdirect to avoid feelings and hard topics. The exception is when he needs real, important information. He’s not good at direct lies and it’s obvious the tactic he figured out for learning information he needed while trying to stay under the radar is to be as casual and nonplussed as possible. If Five doesn’t seem to care about the answer, maybe the person giving it won’t care about giving it either.

“No, Five,” Rob says without hesitation. Waiting until Five looks back up at the screen, he continues, “I agreed to be your psychiatrist because I think you need the help to sort through the everything of your life and also think I’m a good fit for helping you do that. You seem to agree, since we’ve been doing this for three months now. My own, side interest of what might be going on in your head isn’t a part of it, outside of my thoughts on non-psychotherapy approaches that might help you should you ever decide you want to try some drugs or physical treatments. Today’s tangent is just that, a tangent that I think is interesting but is non-defining of you or the work we do here.”

Five nods at that with a small frown. “To help you along on that tangent, then, so we don’t have to do it again – it’s wrong.”

“Okay?”

“Your little theory has me half-developed and stupid, of which I am neither.” He waves off Rob as he opens his mouth to apologize and explain. “It’s fine, as you just explained to me your brain function is also declining due to your advancing age. It is interesting, though, that your go-to direction for me doing a simple math calculation in an indirect way was to blame it on a possibly under-developed brain rather than the fact that I’m thirteen years older than you are and am farther along on my brain slipping into mush.”

Rob swallows and waits.

“But how I know you’re wrong about my brain is because, while I don’t remember much from being thirteen, I do remember some decisions I made when I was that age. One very big, very dumb decision. With absolutely no concern for the consequences and no back-up plan. That’s the sort of thinking thirteen-year-old brains do. It was a childish and very poorly calculated mistake. And I’m not that stupid now.”

“Understood,” Rob says. That sits between them, a bit heavy which was not Rob’s goal for the day so he adds, “You’re dumb because you’re old, not because you’re young.”

A smile ghosts at the edge of Five’s mouth. “Exactly.”

“Glad we cleared this up. I’m sorry I pushed us here, I misjudged. We’re good?”

Five nods. “We’re good.”

[thunderclasped]

elias. • bodyclaim. • headcanons. • isms. • threads.

BASIC INFO

full name — Elias (Matthew Benjamin) Hawkins age — thirty-seven (january 20th) gender — cis male, (he/ him/ his pronouns) orientation — homosexual (but in the closet tbh) occupation — software designer + engineer deity connection — thor  weapon/armor — thunder bow (longbow) + studded leather armor clothing style — sportswear, suits, soooometimes casual, but always too tight oops

PHYSICAL INFO

face claim — Henry Cavill hair — brown / eyes — blue height — six foot & one inch build — like a big ass T, broad af shoulders & generally thicc - check me scars — he's got a very faint, thin line around his neck - like some dogs do when their collars ate into the flesh, the same on his wrists & ankles, a few scars on his back from a belt, they mostly faded now though tattoos — he has a barcode and a paw on the inside of his wrist, his adoptive parents thought about letting it be removed, but they wanted him to decide when he was old enough, he kept both piercings — none special characteristics — he's a good actor when it comes to being social, he seems to get along with everybody everywhere, will bring coffee to quests sexual preference— bottom switch

PERSONALITY

alignment — lawful good positive traits — gentle, educated, smart, ambitious, nerdy negative traits — perfectionist, workaholic, coward, nervous, nerdy hobbies — dnd, gaming, streaming, coding, jogging, coffee (!!!)

MEDICAL INFO

mental — ptsd (check phobias tbh) physical — fit and healthy phobias — selenophobia (focus on full/new moon) eyesight — 22/20 although avrae tends to disagree dominant hand — ambidextrous drug use — nop alcohol use — sometimes diet — balanced, but he will die & murder for coffee

BACKGROUND

birthplace — castle cary, UK parents — Lana & Brandon Hawkins (adoptive parents), Zeus (biological father) siblings — Sarah-Jane Hawkins (little step sister), Mona Maria Hawkins (big step sister) pets — tba education — high school graduate, comp science + engineering bachelor + various awards notable skills — a+++ coding and hacking (everything tech-related), due to being project leader at his job before he followed the call, he's chill with taking the lead

BIO

(cult mention, abuse mention)

Elias was born during a devastating storm, the skies had been ablaze, the winds had been so quick on their feet they'd taken no prisoners in their path of destruction. His mother, a prisoner of sorts in a life she didn't choose and yet accepted, because she was born into it and didn't know better. Her parents' parents had already lived in these lands and had been proud members of a rather small and yet, incredibly radical cult that believed in witchcraft and the influence of the moon on the mind.

The circumstances of Elias' birth ended life for the newborn before it began. He was found a bad omen, a lost child and declared enemy of the 'new religious movement' of the Dark Rose. Usually, children like him would be discarded, but his family was part of the group of the founders of their community, so when Elias' mother begged for her son's life, they granted him ....that. But only that. Not more. And a lot less. As to not spread misfortune on the others, he was held separate from the other newborn, in a room far off.

As he grew older and began to escape from his crib, the leaders sat down to talk about his fate once more. His mother hadn't seen him in months and yet, she - again, pleaded for his life. So, the toddler was put in a cage in the dog shed. He was fed and he was groomed with the dogs, but he was alive. Some time later, a collar and shackles were added to ensure he couldn't escape the shed when they let out the dogs. Elias grew up without a name, without purpose, without a guardian in his life to show him the way. At best, he thought he was a dog and he'd never be more than that. Even the dogs had names..

He never was taught proper speech, only enough to understand basic commands, though he did pick up bits and pieces of the spoken word, but ... it made only little sense to the boy. Full moon nights and storms were the triggers Elias had to endure, because every single storm - or even bad weather was blamed on him and the full moon - they said, would have the demon within him at its strongest. For those nights, he was bound to a tree out in the forest for the entire night with only the cold and the full moon to keep him company.

During a police raid after several complaints from neighbors and anonymous calls hinting the big farm was used for drug trafficking, they found a ten year old boy with bright blue eyes and beautiful locks held in a kennel with other dogs.

They were shocked to see a boy of ten or eleven years held like a dog. He was taken to the youth welfare services in Manchester and ended up in the system for difficult to place kids due to his age and ...deficits. Adoption came with a price, therapy and responsibility to re-socialize him - his temporary name was Lukas.

Newspapers spoke about the wolf boy and an American family currently in town for business read about him. Their reputation was good, they were wealthy and pledged to pay for the extensive care the unnamed boy would need to find his way back into life. They stayed for a few months, but eventually returned home to the United States after paperwork on all ends was done.

The boy was named Elias Matthew Benjamin Hawkins.

The Hawkins owned an area by Toluca Lake - in the sunny Los Angeles. They already had a thirteen year old daughter when they invited Elias into their home. Mona Marie was hesitant at first, unwilling to share her parents with a strange boy, but she soon became protective of him, like the big sister he never had. The first year wasn't easy on anybody, but the Hawkins' were loving and gentle with the boy, they spent a little fortune on his therapy, his education and everything else he could have wished for and he worked hard, grateful for this life they offered.

A few years later, they had another daugther Sarah-Jane Louise to complete the family. (They have a thing for impressive names apparently.) That was around the time, Elias found out he .. wasn't normal. His parents handled it naturally and after a lot of wondering and then finally meeting his biological father, Elias was granted summers in Camp Halfblood - if only to learn how to control his powers.

Elias found his passion in computers, their software and hardware and went to college after graduating (only a year later than ordinary) from high school. His parents, of course, had no qualms about him striving to come far in life - build something of his own. He did.

Before he chose to follow the Call, Elias lived in his own house, not too far from home - in Venice Beach with a loft in Downtown LA as well to be closer to ihs workplace during the week. Putting work before everything else was Elias' standard setting, his ambition a constant driving force going hand in hand with his perfectionism. He never quite made it past the mental mindset that he owed his parents perfection. Success. All to repay the debt that could never be repaid.

After getting attacked at his work place, Elias followed the call and relocated to the Ark. Surely there's wifi on the island?

[thatawkwardmoth]

Normal au!The Last Of Us headcanons.

Sarah is Joel's biological, same as Canon.

Ellie is adopted though, Maria worked on her case with Marlene and thought Joel was a good temp placement. He ended up adopting her at five.

Both are in like middle school/freshman in high school.

Sarah isn't in any clubs. She works in yearbook and is in the honors classes.

Joel definitely color coded both girls. Sarah was obviously pink and Ellie was originally purple but began to wear a lot of dark colors and blues.

Ellie plays basketball and was a tech kid in theater because Riley dared her. Ended up enjoying it. Joins every year now.

Both used to be in dance classes and gymnastics, Joel wanted them to have hobbies and interest, especially ones that kept them out of the house when he was working long hours again. Both ended up quitting but Ellie goes to gymnastics sometimes just to keep up and stay in shape.

Ellie hates gym class and will skip it at any opportunity.

Sarah doesn't get comics but she'll listen to Ellie talk about them for hours. Joel is less understanding when it's four am and she's not gonna want to go to school in the morning.

Sarah and Ellie are thick as thieves and will bully and snark at Joel at anytime.

Ellie hates chores but she loves doing laundry. For some reason, it's like her thing.

Ellie was adopted from a shitty family and had a bad history with adults and coming into her room to do things to her.

Joel won't comfort her the way he does Sarah when she has a nightmare. He’ll sit in the doorway and they'll toss bad jokes back and forth to each other until Ellie is laughing and inviting him to look at her music.

Joel definitely built both of them things. A dollhouse, a giant play house in the yard, bookshelves and record shelves.

Sarah has a very mixed aesthetic, she really just wears what she wants and doesn't care about sticking to any certain one. Ellie has an alternative aesthetic with a lot of moon and star shit.

Tess and Joel have an on and off relationship and tried to hide it from the girls but both love waiting in the dining room to give him the "Do you know how worried we were?" speech.

Joel will take Ellie hunting once a year with Tommy as a father-daughter thing. He even teaches her a little bit of his contracting job because she likes learning about it.

He and Sarah both had an easy time adjusting to Ellie's addition to their family, the only people who struggled were their neighbors, who were afraid of the kid from the bad part of the town.

Tommy spoils both and he and Maria cared a lot about them. Kevin and their new baby aren't the closet to the girls but they aren't complete strangers. Just have different interests.

Sarah is always at every game of Ellie's. Joel wishes he could be as well but Sarah will always bring him videos and Ellie will always give him the run down of everything that went down.

He's never missed a school dance. He'll do his best to get both girls ready and drop them off and wait. He'll wait in the parking lot the entire night or if someone else drove them, wait up all night on the couch, not answering any calls or going into work until both girls cross the threshold. Ellie throwing her heels off and slipping into her dumb raccoon slippers, Sarah laughing at the dramatics and both talking over each over what happens.

Ellie babysits Sam for Henry on weekends and during holiday breaks and is very dedicated to learning ASL. She constantly tries to teach Sarah and Joel but they aren't constantly using as much as El is.

Sarah's mom and Ellie's mom are two topics that should never be brought up. Both of them avoid it. Both of them cry later over it.

Tommy tried the "yeah, you can have a sip." prank once on Sarah and Ellie when they were younger, confusing his beer can with a soda can and taking a drink of the liquor. Joel almost beat his brother to a pulp when he found out. He didn't want Sarah or Ellie ever drinking, especially not so young.

Literally no one believes that, on Ellie's birth certificate, it just says Ellie. Not Eleanor or anything else. Just Ellie Willams-Miller. Cause they hyphenated that shit after she was adopted.

Will threaten every guy that breathes in the direction of his daughters. Very strict about no dating. Ellie breaks it anyway. Sarah does as well, just nicer.

Sarah is like a housecat, domestic but sometimes a little feral. Ellie is a raccoon that was digging in the trash that Joel took in, completely feral and has bitten him before.

The age gap is big between Sarah and Ellie in canon but that can be ignored or not. I'll decide later.

[atthedugouts]

Weekly Tag Wednesday

thank you @energievie @transsexual-dandelions and @sgtmickeyslaughter for tagging me

name: Sarah

age: 34

your time zone: PST

what do you do for work? Financial analyst. I work for a major corporation that has multiple contracts and I tell the program managers if they are over or under budget. I'm 99% sure I'll get promoted this year and will basically be my manger's right hand man so to speak and will make way to much money that makes me want to faint. I spend most of my working hours BSing on the internet but my manager doesn't need to know that.

do you have any pets? Yes, I have a dachshund terrier mix named Jasper. He's a pain but I love him.

what first drew you to this fandom? So I heard of Shameless when it first came out. I was interested because I love William H Macy and Emmy Rossum and I'm a huge ER fan so I knew about John Wells. But I kept reading that the show was a comedy and I didn't feel comfortable watching a comedy about poverty and addiction. Then when I was on tumblr like 10 years ago I kept seeing stuff about this show but I had no idea what it was. I kept seeing the club kiss everywhere! Then suddenly I realized it was Shameless and the marketing was wrong, this was not a comedy. Then I went through a depression and went off tumblr till about a couple months ago. I wondered if tumblr still likes this show like it did about 10 years ago and I found you all and after all these years I finally feel like my old self. I don't know why this stupid show inspired me to me more involved in fandom but I'm happy to be here.

are you a morning person or a night owl? Morning. I woke up at like 5:40 today.

what are your hobbies? Disneyland count? I promise I'm not a scary Disney adult. I go to the movies and love to write.

how tall are you? 5' 2

if you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? I love where I live. I'm a California girl.

favorite color? Blue

favorite book? The Neverending Story and The last Unicorn are the books I read over and over.

favorite movie? A Little Princess (1995)

favorite fic? Sorry, I don't have one.

favorite musical artist: Pink

what is your average screen time so far this week? Scared to look.

what’s the first app you open in the morning? Instagram or news

how long have you been on tumblr? Not sure. I was on it in college but then deleted and just created a new account

finally (and i know this one is hard) tell me a fun fact about yourself: I have a titanium bone (the anvil) in my right ear. I'm hard of hearing since birth.

[justagalwhowrites]

Bestieeee! HAPPY LAVENDERSARY! I cannot believe it’s already a year since you started this story!😱 I guess that in my efforts to push myself out here more and my want to participate a little bit in this celebration, I’m sending you a question about Sylvie, Ellie, Doc, and Joel’s life after the epilogue, and I wonder if you have some thoughts about it? Love you! Congratulations once again for writing this amazing story!🫂♥️♥️♥️

AHHHH BESTIE!!!!!

I can't believe that it's been a year but I also can't believe it's been just a year, you know? Who even was I before Joel and Doc??? I don't know anymore. Question response below the cut!

I LOVE this question!! I've thought so much about their lives together, really. To start, Joel and Doc die when they're 101 and 90 respectively, the night of Doc's 90th birthday party. They go to bed together after being surrounded by their children and grandchildren (Sylvie marries Jonah in the 2040s after being childhood sweethearts. Andrew and Doc are overjoyed that they finally get to be actually related) and die peacefully in their sleep.

In between the end of the story and that time, they are leaders in Jackson where they help take care of the town and its people. Almost no one knows about what Doc did to save humanity, but she calls in a few favors because of it when it really counts. Jackson stayed operating pretty independently from all the new government systems being set up - something she helped facilitate.- and she also uses her connections and contributions to get another doctor into Jackson when she starts worrying about being able to keep up with the work. Joel tries to teach her guitar at one point and it goes very poorly. They settle for slow dancing to a CD in their living room and Joel playing guitar for her. They make sure they take time to go to the lake just the two of them in the summer because there's just something about the water. It takes a few years after humanity begins to function again but Joel is finally able to reliably get his hands on coffee beans. He makes a hobby out of making Doc her frilly coffees while drinking the straight black stuff he likes best. Ellie and Dina get together permanently about a year after Dina has JJ. Jesse is an excellent coparent. Joel and Doc love the crap out of that baby and Joel teaches him how to fish and throw a football and calls him sport. As the threat from infected eases, Joel and Doc take Sylvie, Ellie, Dina and JJ camping. They make smores and Doc sets one marshmallow on fire to make hers like Sarah did. Doc and Joel tell Sylvie and Ellie all about their older sister. The girls miss her, too, but in a way that makes their lives richer because that means they get to know her, too.

All in all, Joel and Doc get 45 years together, happy in Jackson with their girls and the family they made. It just took them a while to get there ❤️

You can also see what they got up to on the Lavenderversary with the last one shot I shared yesterday, ...Can Be Found.

Thank you so so much for being here and loving on these stories, bestie!!!! Your comments and asks are consistently some of the favorite parts of my day and I'm so happy to share this beautiful corner of the internet with you.

Love you!!!!

[omskivarwrites]

Writeblr intro

Hello! While I’m not exactly new to writeblr, I never really got involved when I was active a few years ago, so I’m re-introducing myself. I stopped writing a few years ago after having a baby (I went from being an overwhelmed stay-at-home parent to working full-time with a very energetic small child at home, AND the pandemic happened in the middle of all that, so it’s been kind of difficult to focus). I’m hoping to start up again, establish a regular writing schedule, and maybe make some friends along the way. 

 About Me:

Name: Sarah

Age: 35

Pronouns: she/they

Main blog: @omskivar (mostly reblogs and personal stuff)

Genres: Primarily fantasy and horror, but I enjoy sci fi and romance, and I’ll dabble in just about any genre

Hobbies: reading, video games, baking, crafts (especially fiber arts like knitting, crochet, sewing, cross stitch), tabletop RPGs (primarily Dungeons & Dragons)

What I enjoy in fiction:  zombies, dragons, werewolves and other shapeshifters, mythology and folklore, found family (especially surrogate parent/child relationships), queer rep, mixing genres, storylines that sucker-punch me in the emotions and leave me curled up sobbing on the floor

WIPs/Ideas I’m Developing

I usually work over ideas for a while before I begin to write them. Most of these are still in the planning stages.

Untitled Mass Effect fic

Myla Shepard doesn’t see or hear from her mom much, and that’s just fine by her.  But when the Reapers attack Earth and Myla is forced to flee to the Citadel, she finds herself desperately trying to contact Commander Shepard. 

Of course, no one believes her when she says she’s Commander Shepard’s daughter. And while she’s made friends with a handful of refugees, Myla quickly realizes that her mother has made a lot of very powerful enemies... and they all seem to be converging on the Citadel.

Untitled The Last of Us fic

AU retelling of The Last of Us Part 2. Abby’s father didn’t die when Joel shot him, but between the severity of his injuries and the loss of so many of their people, the Salt Lake City Fireflies disbanded and gave up on the idea of a cure. Now, with the backing of the WLF, Abby’s tracked down Joel with one goal in mind: find Ellie and take her back to Seattle to try again for a cure.