#Sanders Sides Big Bang 2022

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Hey guys!!! Currently working on bringing you all the Thomas Sanders Sides big bang once again this summer! We will open sign ups midway thru May! Stay tuned :D!

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[Story Title] Why They Fall Au [Author] @puppy-princey [Characters] Virgil [Rating/Warning(s)] Teen [ID] [Digital drawing of Virgil looking out the window of a moving car. The outside is green grass that is blurred from the motion of the car. The sky outside is blue with scattered clouds. Inside the car, it is dark gray with light gray seats. Virgil is wearing a black t-shirt over a purple long sleeve shirt. He is also wearing a black beanie over his locks. His hair has a fade which goes from black at his roots to purple. His eyes are also a bright purple. On his shirt, in the center, there is a yellow butterfly design. End ID] For The @sandersidesbigbang

[rosepetalgold]

all the silver stolen (will one day turn to gold) 4

Summary: Remus' past comes to light and brings with it more questions than answers.

Warnings: Mentions of past physical violence and death

Word Count: 7756

Read on Ao3 Masterpost

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“How the fuck did they find me?” Remus demands, slamming the board they use as a makeshift lock across the door. A lot of good it would do them now. “Fucking bullshit, after all these years—”

He’s still going, ranting as he snatches a satchel from beside the fireplace, sword still clutched in a white-knuckled grip in his other hand, but Janus hardly hears him, still trying to process everything that has just happened in the last two minutes and how any of them are even still alive. Then the other man’s voice cracks on a word and Janus snaps back to attention to realize Remus is crying.

Remus. Is crying.

Janus quite possibly has never felt less prepared to handle a situation in his entire life, not even when Virgil had fallen hopelessly in love with the watchmaker’s daughter when he was fifteen and Janus had been forced to comfort him through his heartbreak.

Remus doesn’t cry. Remus didn’t even yell when he got upset, not after he’d realized it upset Virgil. Normally he just glowered as he sat by the fire whittling down a piece of wood with his largest knife, making a little figurine if it was a small annoyance or nothing but curls of wood on the floor if it was something more serious. But he doesn’t cry.

Janus has never seen him like this, furious and weeping at the same time, and it’s borderline frightening, the way the burning intensity in his eyes is undercut by the tears tracking down his cheeks.

“We have to go. Right now,” Remus interrupts himself to say, a wild look in his eye as he surges into the bedroom and begins to shove their meager few possessions into his bag.

Well, that was an attitude Janus certainly could have used ten minutes ago.

“Stop,” Virgil demands, voice harsh, glaring fiercely despite the way his face has gone pale, but Remus doesn’t so much as look up. “Just—stop and start doing some explaining, Remus, because I just saw your fucking doppelgänger walk through the door along with some mage and the apothecary owner from the nice side of the city and figuring out how they all fit into this picture is not a riddle I’m in any mood to solve!”

Remus soundly ignores him, which Janus knows from unfortunate experience is always a dangerous thing to do when Virgil is angry, and shoves past him back into the common area, not even seeming to notice as Virgil latches onto his arm, the taller man getting dragged along for a full two steps before Remus notices the deadweight and halts.

“Stop!” Virgil shouts again. “You’re freaking me out! What the hell is going on?”

“Get off of me Virgil, we have to go,” Remus insists, trying to shake the other man off, and Virgil’s expression turns practically murderous as he only clings on tighter.

“None of us are going anywhere until you start talking. How far do you think you’re going to get dragging me around?”

“Janus, come on,” Remus appeals, turning to where he’s still frozen helplessly in the middle of the room. “You’re the one who wanted to leave.”

Janus is the deciding vote, then. Leave right now, fleeing into the night with barely more than the clothes on their back and nowhere to go, or stay at least long enough for Remus to offer an explanation of his past and risk Roman or Logan returning for round two.

But for all his insistence earlier that Remus leave, he finds himself hesitating. The mage already knew where Remus was, could very well have put the same kind of tracking spell on him as he had Janus, and who was to say they wouldn’t be walking right into an ambush if they left now?

Remus swears fiercely into the silence, finally managing to shove Virgil off of his arm.

“I’ll go myself, then.”

He strides to the door, knocking away Janus’ reaching hand, and Janus braces for him to disappear into the night, to be gone just like that, but Remus just—stops, with his hand on the knob.

“I’m leaving,” he says, but there’s the slightest waver in his voice now, an edge of uncertainty creeping in like he’s trying to convince himself of his own decision. “I need to go. I should go.”

But he doesn’t move a muscle.

“Remus,” Virgil tries, edging closer, and Remus slams his palm against the doorframe with enough force that even Janus flinches.

“Fuck him. Fuck! I need to go but—I can’t, I can’t—”

He turns, sliding his back down the door until he’s sitting on the floor, tears still glinting on his cheeks, and brings his fist up to the side of his head once, then again and again before Janus manages to catch his wrist.

“Hey, we don’t do that, Re.” He scrambles for a compromise between staying indefinitely and leaving immediately, something that will give him enough information to make a halfway informed decision about the best course of action. “Who is Roman, exactly?”

“My fucking brother,” Remus growls, and Janus resists the urge to roll his eyes.

“I know that. I mean who is he? Some Sideran nobleman?”

“Not quite.”

“Fine, some filthy rich Sideran nobleman, then?”

Remus shakes his head mutely.

“Well, what then? Out with it. Any second that blasted mage could come back and smite us into dust, and if I don’t have an answer before then I’ll come back as a ghost and haunt your sorry ass forever.”

Remus grimaces, twisting his bag in his hands for a moment before setting it aside with a decisive thump and meeting Janus’ gaze, something almost like defiance in his eyes.

“Try the king.”

~~~

The king.

No, that can’t be right. Janus must have misheard him, because if Roman is the king of Sidera and Remus is his brother, that would mean—

“The twin princes of Sidera,” Remus says, unmistakable bitterness lacing his voice as he glares down at his hands clenched in his lap. “A gift from the gods, as some people liked to call us. We were practically inseparable as children after both of our parents died. Most people probably expected us to be at each other’s throats, especially over the throne, and we did argue all the time as we got older, but just over stupid shit, nothing serious. Nothing that had any real consequences. I was technically crown prince since I was born first, but we’d always planned that we would co-rule as soon as we were old enough to properly inherit the throne from our regent. Until then, we were just kids. I was learning how to be king and Roman was learning how to manage the castle but we had everything we could ever want and we spent all of our free time together wreaking havoc on the palace and we were happy.

“It was good,” Remus insists, something raw cutting into the underside of his voice even as anger curls around his words. “Everything was good until it wasn’t and I don’t even fucking know why or what changed, he just—”

He cuts himself off, fingers curling into tight fists where they rest against his thighs before he tips his head back against the door, blowing out a breath.

“He sent me away on business,” he continues after a long moment. “Right before our eighteenth birthday. Some stupid trip out to one of the nobles in the countryside, something he normally would have taken care of himself, but he’d asked me to go in his place and so I went because that’s what we did for each other. But apparently being a good brother in turn was just too fucking much to ask of my darling twin because the whole trip was a set-up. Nothing more than an excuse for my own guards to get me days away from the palace, alone at night on some deserted country road, and attack me. Killed the only one of them who tried to intervene and then took turns beating the fucking shit out of me until I was one breath away from finding myself on the wrong side of death’s doorstep. I’m sure they thought I was dead or else they never would have left me there without a knife in my throat. That’s what they would have done to begin with if they had so much as a cockroach’s brain between them, just run me through with a sword or two and be done with it, but apparently taking out their feelings on me was just too good an opportunity to pass up.”

His hand presses to his stomach as if unconsciously trying to soothe an old wound, expression pinching in as his eyes take on a glassy, unfocused quality.

“Before trying to kick my skull in, one of them had the fucking nerve to tell me that it wasn’t personal, that they were only following their new leader’s orders. He could only have meant Roman; by that point, not even our regent had the authority to issue commands to the Guard without clearing it with Roman and me first, and the members of the Royal Guard in particular were handpicked from the ranks for demonstrating exemplary loyalty to the crown. They wouldn’t have taken orders from anyone but us two. It had to have been Roman who orchestrated the whole thing, but I didn’t—How was I supposed to believe it? He was my brother. He may have made jokes all the time about how I was the undignified one and how I was tarnishing his perfect royal image and how I belonged out in the woods with the wild animals, but they were just fucking jokes. I never thought he actually meant them. Even as my own guards were beating me to death, I thought it was some mistake, that Roman couldn’t have had anything to do with it. But then I regained the barest sliver of consciousness as they were dragging me into the ditch and I overheard them talking about how glad they were that Roman would be the one to take the throne, how everything was falling right into place, how much better things would be with ‘the other twin’ in charge, and I just—”

He breaks off as his voice cracks, squeezing his eyes shut as a fresh tear traces its way down his cheek, but he doesn’t even seem to notice it, and when he speaks again his voice is carefully controlled.

“It had to have been Roman who arranged the whole thing in order to take power all for himself. There isn’t any other explanation. I don’t even know how I woke up again after passing out for gods know how long. My brain felt like it was leaking out of my ears and I could hardly keep a coherent thought in my head for more than a second but I knew that going back to the castle would be nothing more than serving myself up on a silver platter for my brother’s newfound taste for fratricide, so I headed for the coast. My guards had taken my royal ring like the despicable, piece of shit cowards they were, probably as some sort of twisted trophy, so I sold everything but the clothes on my back for a charm magicked against tracking, just in case anyone ever got suspicious that they couldn’t find my rotting corpse, then managed to bargain for passage down the coast with a shady group of traders who were just waiting to sell me for parts. I heard on the way that Roman officially ascended to the throne on our eighteenth birthday. He didn’t even fucking wait until my mourning period was over, if he even ever decreed there should be one. I stopped listening for news from Sidera after that unless my name was involved. If he was going to run my country into the ground, I sure as fuck didn’t want to know about it. I abandoned ship as soon as we got to a decent port in Umbra and hightailed it as far as I could before I ran out of the few coins I’d managed to save, which just so happened to be here, as luck would have it. I became a street rat, met you two before too long, and the rest is history.”

Rarely in Janus’ life has he ever been rendered truly speechless, but words fail him as he stares and stares and stares at Remus, trying and utterly failing to process this new wealth of information. Secret plots of deception, attempted murder, a royal turned petty thief—it all sounds too fantastical to be true, like one of the bedtime stories Remus had always used to tell Virgil even when he was far too old for it, and if it were anyone else claiming such things, Janus would laugh them off in a heartbeat.

But even though he’s clearly been alarmingly ignorant about Remus’ past, he knows Remus himself. He knows his countenance, knows the subtleties of his temperament, knows when he’s being dishonest. And as far as he can tell, not a single lie has come out of the other man’s mouth despite the unbelievable tale he’s woven.

“We need to go,” he demands, fresh fear buzzing just under his skin at the all but certain prospect of Roman returning at any moment, bursting back through the door to finish what he’d started all those years ago.

But Remus just shakes his head, not budging from where he’s sitting blocking the door, every single bit of fire and urgency seemingly drained away at the worst possible time.

“We can’t,” he says hollowly, some far-off look still haunting the back of his eyes as he meets Janus’ gaze. “You and Vee can’t travel quickly, not with your injuries, and what good would running do anyways when that mage could probably find us no matter how far we went? Besides, if Roman is going to come back and try to take me out, I’m sure as fuck going to go out taking a stand in my own home instead of being hunted down like some animal.”

“Remus,” Janus implores. “He tried to have you murdered and very nearly succeeded. I sincerely doubt distance has made his heart grow fonder.”

“Yeah,” Remus agrees, but his voice is uncharacteristically quiet, the single word not strengthened with any conviction.

A fantastic turn of events, truly. Janus is just so glad that he’d finally gotten Remus on board to leave only for him to change his mind at the last minute. It wasn’t like their very lives were at stake or anything.

He turns to Virgil, a silent request to help drill some sense into Remus’ skull before Roman returns with the whole of the City Guard to get his revenge, but the other man is staring at the floorboards, steadfastly refusing to meet his gaze. Janus’ stomach twists as the silence drags on entirely too long before Virgil finally shrugs, straightening his shoulders and drawing himself up in a pitifully transparent guise of bravado and indifference.

“I don’t want to go on the run,” he declares. “At least going out alongside an exiled prince would be a badass way to die.”

Fucking stars. Since when is Janus the only one of them with any sense?

“They have a mage with them,” he says, on the verge of pleading, fingers tightening into a white-knuckled grip around his knife hilt. “And he’ll—he’ll—” He blows out a breath, struggling to get himself together. “Trust me,” he says after a moment, trying to force down the lump in his throat, the memories rising in the back of his mind. Unrelenting heat, snapping flames impervious to water, unnatural black laced amongst the orange— “Trust me when I say that mage’s hellfire is not a pleasant way to go out.”

Remus reaches out, squeezing his hand, and Virgil awkwardly pats his shoulder.

“I know, Jan,” Remus says quietly. “I know. You can go if you want. You should go if you want. You can still get out and leave us martyrs behind. I doubt the mage would go after a slippery little snake like you anyways.”

Gods, how Janus wishes it were that easy, that he could just pack up and leave Virgil and Remus behind to fend for themselves and not feel guilty about it for a moment.

But he can’t, despite his instincts screaming at him to take the chance to run while he still can. Virgil and Remus are his family, for better or worse, and he can’t abandon them, even for the sake of saving his own skin.

His own damn loyalty is going to be the death of him one day.

The others are both watching him, waiting for his decision, so he forces himself to scoff, pulling a mask of nonchalance around himself as tightly as he can despite the panic still snapping at his veins.

“You think you can get rid of me that easily? Honestly, it’s like you don’t know me at all.” Remus makes a tiny sound that might be an attempt at a laugh, something like relief flashing across his face, there and gone again as he wipes at the tear tracks on his cheeks, and Janus nudges him gently with one foot. “Now scoot over. If we’re going to do this, we’re at least going to do the smart thing and sit watch. I’m not in the mood to be blindsided by any more surprise visits from the king of Sidera.”

The king.

The words ring mercilessly in Janus’ ears as he sinks onto the ground beside Remus, Virgil taking a moment to grab the fire poker before likewise settling onto the floorboards across from them. Janus doubts the makeshift weapon is going to do much good given that they no longer have the element of surprise on their side, but he can’t focus his thoughts long enough to formulate any sort of comment about it.

The king.

Roman is—no, technically Remus is the king of Sidera, even if his brother is the one currently sitting on the throne. It sounds nothing short of absurd, but even if Remus had suddenly become an immaculate liar overnight, he certainly didn’t have any reason to concoct such an extravagant tale to explain his past and his brother’s identity.

And the consequences of Roman being in such a position of power… Janus doesn’t even want to consider the myriad of worst-case scenarios, but the sharp-edged questions roiling over one another in his mind are wholly unremitting. Just how much of his likely inexhaustible wealth of resources was Roman willing to throw into going after Remus, and by extension Janus and Virgil? Was he really going to try to kill his twin as soon as he got his hands on him, or was he planning some worse fate? And even if by some miracle he and his mage did decide their little trio wasn’t worth dirtying their hands over, what then? Would Remus, someone who had apparently grown up in the lap of luxury with everything he could ever want, really be content to forswear his royal identity and continue living a life of poverty and crime? And on the slim chance that was true, how were they supposed to go on knowing that at any moment Roman could change his mind and send the whole of the City Guard after them and have the three of them arrested and hanged?

He doesn’t have the answers, and no way to get any other than to let the indifferent mistress of time run her course.

The king.

The minutes tick by agonizingly slowly into even more wretchedly lethargic hours without so much of a whisper of Roman and his companions returning and still Janus can’t shake the two words. Not as Virgil questions Remus relentlessly about his past. Not as Remus supplies answers with an unsettling lack of his usual flair. And certainly not as Remus gently bullies him into bed after several excruciatingly tense hours despite his protests, leaving him to stare up at the flickering shadows cast on the ceiling from the fire and wrack his brain for what he’s going to do to keep the three of them alive another day.

The king. The king, the king, the king.

Janus doesn’t sleep a moment that night.

Neither do Virgil or Remus from the looks of things the next morning, both of them sporting dark circles under their eyes as they get ready for the day, Virgil jumping and scowling fiercely at any sudden noise and Remus unusually subdued.

Janus isn’t exactly feeling peachy himself, nerves skittering under his skin as he cracks the door open and peers out, bracing for the sight of a whole platoon of guards on his doorstep, but the street is empty and quiet in the weak morning light.

Empty—

—except for the small pile of gold coins tucked beside the door underneath an angled rock, hidden from the road but clearly visible to anyone coming out of the house.

Well, that was new.

Janus just stares at them for a long moment, waiting for his sleep-deprived brain to offer some kind of explanation as to why there are suddenly riches tucked alongside their little hovel, but if there’s a logical reason for the shiny gold coins nestled in the dirt, it thoroughly evades him.

“Remus,” he calls over his shoulder, and the other man is at his side in an instant. “You didn’t tell me the coin seeds you planted were due to sprout.”

Remus peers over his shoulder out the door, swearing as he catches sight of the gold.

“The fuck?”

“Precisely my question.”

Remus nudges past him, leaning down to scoop up the coins, and Janus hisses in protest.

“What are you doing? The mage could have cursed those for all we know.”

Remus considers the money for a moment, then shakes his head.

“I doubt it. If he were going to try and hurt one of us, why not just do it directly? And he already has some kind of tracking spell on you or something you had on you, so it wouldn’t make sense for him to do another one with these. Besides, they don’t feel like they’re magicked at all.”

Janus stares blankly at him, waiting for Remus to cackle at his own joke, but the other man just raises a questioning eyebrow at him.

“What?”

“You can feel magic?”

“Yeah, it just has that certain vibe to it, you know?”

“A vibe.”

“Can’t you sense it? I thought everyone could to some degree.”

Another new thing he’s just learned about Remus. He’ll add it to the growing list.

“No,” he says flatly, then over his shoulder, “Virgil, darling, can you sense when objects have fancy magical spells on them?”

“I can sense that I’m going to murder whoever used the last of the tea leaves,” Virgil mutters, glowering into the empty tin.

Janus was going to take that as a no.

“Come on, you’re letting all the cold air in,” Remus says, tugging Janus back inside and pulling the door shut before taking Janus’ hand and pressing the coins into it. “I swear they’re not magicked, Jan. One of them probably just dropped them yesterday in their rush to get out of here. And it’s free money! Why stare at a gift horse’s mouth or whatever?”

Janus is hardly convinced, but Remus just claps him on the shoulder and moves past him to the table, starting up some half-hearted banter with Virgil about the tea leaves in a clear attempt to make things feel normal that only falls flat.

Janus stares at the foreign stamp on the coins as he tips them from one hand to the other, a little stunned despite himself at the amount of wealth he’s holding. The money in his palm is dramatically more than he’s ever possessed before, the gold easily enough to keep all three of them fed and clothed through the rest of the cold season and right through summer, if not longer.

Remus could claim what he liked, but they both knew the coins hadn’t accidentally been spilled from Roman’s or Logan’s or Patton’s coin purse. One of them had deliberately placed them there, and Janus doesn’t like the implications of such a thing one bit. If he spends the money, will one of them claim he owes them something? Is this a setup to get their little trio arrested for larceny? Is the king trying to split them up so that a second attack will be more successful?

But then he glances up at Virgil, still staring into the empty tea tin as if it’ll refill itself if he glares at it hard enough, and Remus, pouring the last of their dried grain into a pot of water to make a meager porridge, and his resolve caves.

Cursed coins or not, he can’t sit by and watch the others go hungry.

“I’m going to get food,” he announces, shoving his boots on and snatching his cloak and bag from beside the door. “If I don’t come back, assume I’ve been murdered by Roman and his entourage.”

He’s out the door before either of them can protest, taking in a deep breath of the crisp morning air as he sets off to the market and trying to ignore how the gold coins feel like a leaden weight in his hand. Everything is fine, he lies to himself, trying and failing to calm his nerves. Everything is just fine. He’s not at all concerned that at any moment he’s about to be ambushed by some disgruntled guard from Remus’ past or a malicious, steely-eyed mage eager to do much worse than place Janus under a tracking spell.

It’s a short walk to the market square, thankfully, and once there he’s easily able to track down a merchant who’s one of his favorites given her penchant for not asking questions about the kinds of things he pays with. Sure enough, she lives up to her reputation, arching an eyebrow at the foreign coin he offers but sweeping it out of his palm without remark. It’s shocking how much food he’s able to purchase, and even more shocking how much change he still has from the gold piece to barter for more, and he’s tempted to see what wares are available from the other vendors. But he can’t shake the nagging feeling that at any moment the Guard or Roman or Logan could be barging into their house with retribution on their minds, so he unceremoniously shoves half of his haul into his bag and gathers up the rest in his arms, setting off at a brisk clip.

Winding his way back through the familiar streets seems to take twice as long as it should, his unease only growing with every step. He shouldn’t have ever gone out. The coins must have been a ruse after all, a way to lure one of them away to make the others an easier target, and their home is going to be nothing more than smoldering ashes by the time he gets back—

But when he rounds the final corner, everything is just as he’d left it, not a stone out of place and no evidence anyone has even so much as walked by in his absence.

Safe and sound. Janus can only hope it stays that way. 

~~~

All three of them remain on edge the next several days, just waiting for the Guard to come bursting through the door or for Roman—or, gods forbid, Logan—to return and exact some revenge, but nothing out of the ordinary happens. The days pass shockingly normally, aside from the fact that none of them have to venture out to pickpocket or try to find work, thanks to their new abundance of both food and money.

Virgil demands Remus repeat his story multiple times, clearly searching for some hint that he’s making the whole thing up, and Remus complies every time without complaint, even the smallest details never changing as he steadfastly answers any question Virgil can throw at him.

Janus doesn’t even bother interrogating him. His gut instinct already tells him that Remus isn’t lying, and even if the other man did want to continue to conceal his past, there were vastly easier ways to do it than claiming he was an exiled prince whose brother had set him up to be killed.

By the time a week has passed, the threat of being imminently attacked seems to have abated, at least, but Janus isn’t stupid enough to think that Roman has just forgotten about them. Maybe Roman isn’t intent on killing Remus outright, but he surely wants something from his brother, and Janus isn’t entertaining any ideas that he’ll stop before he gets it.

In the meantime, Janus finds himself faced with an entirely new problem: his stitches. He’d been tempted to take them out himself, but Virgil had panicked about him doing it wrong and bleeding out on the floor when he’d mentioned it, and even Remus had wrinkled his nose and suggested Janus find a professional to unsew his skin flaps, as he had so tastefully put it.

But the thought of having to explain his injury to an unfamiliar healer, especially if he has to pay for their services using one of Roman’s foreign gold coins, is more than enough to make him wary. The last thing he needs is to arouse suspicion and get arrested again. One stint in prison had been plenty.

That leaves Patton, unfortunately.

Maybe it isn’t all a loss, though, Janus muses as he lurks in the shadows of an alley across the street from the apothecary. Perhaps the other man will let something slip, some valuable piece of information about Roman’s plans tucked away in an offhand comment, and even if he doesn’t, Janus’ visit is a golden opportunity to steal some more medicine, either to hoard for future crises or to sell for emergency, get-the-fuck-out-of-this-city money.

It’s a long time he lingers, watching for any guards or signs of increased security or anything else out of place, but it all seems like business as usual, just a steady flow of customers coming in and out. Still, he waits until things have cleared out and Patton is moving to the door to lock up before he makes himself seen.

He strides across the street to the apothecary door, rapping his knuckles on it just as Patton is nudging it closed. The other man startles, fumbling the key right out of his hands, his mouth already forming a surprised O as he glances up. He flinches ever so slightly when he meets Janus’ gaze, which Janus can’t exactly blame him for given the armed standoff they’d been engaged in the last time they’d met, but a bright smile is on his face in an instant.

“Hi, Dee! What can I help you with?”

“You said to come back in a week to get my stitches removed.” Blunt and to the point. Janus doesn’t want to be here any longer than necessary, and that includes taking the time for pleasantries.

“Of course! Come on in and I’ll get you fixed right up!”

He gestures Janus inside and he obligingly slips through the door, ready to bolt at the first sight of anyone else, but the room is empty. The shop is much nicer when it’s not under the cover of nightfall and he isn’t panicking about stealing the wrong medicine; the late afternoon light streaming through an array of empty glass jars casts colorful reflections on the wall, and the wind shivers the bundles of herbs drying from the rafters with a gentle rustle.

The lock clicks shut on the door behind him and his breath catches before quickening, his hand creeping to the hilt of his knife at the prospect of being locked in, the memory of a blade biting into his side sending a phantom pain through his ribs.

Surely Patton wouldn’t hurt him, would he? Didn’t healers take an oath to do no harm? Still, all it would take is one scream from the other man to send someone running and then he could claim that Janus was threatening him or trying to rob him or worse and Janus would find himself right back in manacles in prison—

“You can sit over here!” Patton chirps, gesturing to a cot, oblivious to Janus’ belated realization that this had been a terrible idea. He should have just taken his stitches out himself without telling Virgil. It wasn’t like he could hurt himself any worse, right?

Actually, with how his luck had been going lately, he probably could, but considering he’s now locked in an apothecary shop with someone who has every reason to have a grudge against him, he’s wishing he would have taken his chances.

“Let me just get a few things,” Patton says, crossing to a cabinet in the back of the shop and beginning to rummage through its many drawers. Janus reluctantly eases onto the cot, taking advantage of Patton’s turned back to snag a small pot of medicine from several perched on the table on one side of the cot, tucking it surreptitiously into his satchel.

He’ll just consider it compensation for the emotional trauma of a mage and the king of Sidera barging in on his home uninvited.

“Here we go!” Patton announces, snapping Janus’ attention back to the healer as he bustles back over, and over his shoulder Janus catches a glimpse of the back door, now cracked open. It’s hardly a pleasant feeling to have been read so easily by Patton, but considering he now has an easy escape route if he needs it, he’ll stomach the hit to his ego.

Patton deposits an armful of items on the table and kneels beside him, gesturing at his torso.

“Can you lift your shirt for me?” Janus does so and Patton hums approvingly as he surveys the wound. “Is it okay if I touch you?”

Janus nods, since he doesn’t know what other choice he has, and Patton presses lightly at the skin around the stitches.

“Any significant pain?”

“No.”

He has to force himself not to flinch away from Patton’s touch, nerves still crawling under his skin. Can’t the other man just cut the stitches so Janus can leave?

“Everything looks really good, Dee! I’m just going to make sure the area is clean and then I’ll take the sutures out, okay?”

Janus nods again and Patton smiles brightly, dipping a cloth into a bowl and beginning to dab gently at the injury as he starts in on some mindless small talk about the weather. Given the way the healer’s eyes keep flickering to the knife on Janus’ belt, Janus can’t tell how much of the chattiness is nerves and how much is just his personality, but Patton seems perfectly content to keep up the entirely one-sided conversation.

After what feels like a short eternity, he moves on to a steady chatter about the stray cats outside his shop as he dries the healing wound and begins to carefully snip away the stitches with the tiniest pair of scissors Janus has ever seen, which he would be very strongly tempted to describe as adorable if he weren’t a street-hardened criminal.

Not that he would admit such a thing, of course. He has a reputation to maintain, after all.

“All done!” Patton announces after a few minutes, sitting back on his heels. “You did great!” he enthuses, as if Janus has done something more than just sit in silence.

Janus stands, already eyeing the sliver of sunlight cutting through the cracked back door, and Patton rises as well, dusting his hands off on his apron.

“Do you need any more of the medicine I gave you? I won’t charge you for it.”

It’s shocking how casually he offers such things, how easily he’s willing to part with life-saving medicine without asking for anything in return, but Janus forces himself to keep his expression neutral.

“Yes, actually; I could use another one of those little red jars,” he lies smoothly, and there’s another lie already on the tip of his tongue about dropping the glass container, because he knows Patton must know that even between him and Virgil there’s no way they could have gone through a whole jar already, but Patton doesn’t even question it, just nods and turns to the shelf of medicines to retrieve it.

It’s almost enough for Janus to feel bad about slipping an unattended roll of bandages up his sleeve.

Almost, but not quite.

When Patton returns, however, he’s holding not just the crimson jar but a thick letter, the parchment heavy and stamped with an elaborate wax seal.

Shit. Janus had known there had to be a catch in exchange for Patton’s medical care, even if he’d expected it to take the form of something mildly more intimidating than a sheaf of fancy stationery.

“This is for you, too,” Patton says, nerves clear in his voice for the first time since Janus has arrived. “Well, it’s for Remus, really, but if you could just give it to him? It’s from Roman explaining everything that’s happened during their time apart. I think there was some, um, miscommunication the last time we, uh, met”—that was the understatement of the year—“and hopefully this will clear some things up.”

Janus hesitates, eying the paper with no small amount of trepidation. Is this some kind of trick? He can’t even read the thing to try to vet it before he gives it to Remus. Who’s to say it isn’t filled with webs of twisted lies deliberately calibrated to mess with Remus’ head?

“It’s nothing bad!” Patton assures him, worrying the letter between his fingers. “I mean, I haven’t read it, and there were definitely bad things that happened in the past that Roman probably wrote about, but I swear he doesn’t want to hurt Remus or you or your other friend. None of us do. He just wants to straighten things out.”

Janus wavers another moment, but the temptation to possibly glean some sense of what Roman wants from his brother is too great. Besides, it isn’t really his choice about whether to read it; he’ll just give it to Remus and it’ll be up to him what he wants to do with it, whether that be devour every word or toss it in the fireplace. He warily accepts both the jar of medicine and the letter, tucking them away in his bag, and Patton looks undeniably relieved.

“It was so nice to see you again, Dee!” Either Patton is an excellent liar or he truly means it. Janus doesn’t know which is scarier. “Stop by anytime if you need anything, okay?”

Janus nods mutely, taking the clear dismissal for what it is and heading for the back door, but he pauses on the threshold, glancing back over his shoulder.

“Patton?” he calls, and the healer looks up from where he’s tidying up his supplies. “Thank you.”

He can barely grit the words out, but the last thing he needs is for Patton to be able to claim later that Janus owes him anything, and when the other man smiles, it seems genuine.

“Stay warm on your walk back!”

Janus doesn’t reply, just slips out the door, tucking his cloak tighter around him, and he's already turning for home when he hears a muted knocking on what must be the front door of the shop, followed by a voice calling inside. The tone sounds tantalizingly familiar, and despite himself he stops in the shadows clinging to the building, pressing one ear to the smooth wood of the back door.

“… just missed Dee!” Patton is saying. “He came by to get his sutures taken out and to get some more medicine.”

An answering scoff.

“You are aware that he likely stole from you, are you not? You ought to double-check your inventory.”

Logan. Janus knew he’d recognized that voice. Apprehension coils in his gut, but he forces himself to stay put.

“I know he borrowed some things, but that’s okay! He wouldn’t have taken them if he didn’t need them, right?”

Being caught was a blow to any thief’s pride, but being caught by Patton, of all people? That stings more than Janus wants to admit, and he scowls fiercely at the stolen goods stashed in his bag. He must be off his game if someone as cheerful and unguarded as the cat-loving healer had noticed him doing a bit of light ‘borrowing.’

“Mmm.” Logan doesn’t sound at all convinced, and Janus shifts his glare to the door. He’d like to see the uptight mage try to survive a single day on the streets, let alone a life-threatening injury without medicine. How dare he judge Janus for wanting to prevent a redo of one of them nearly dying when he’d probably never known a moment of true hardship in his life.

“Do you have any updates?” Logan continues, and Janus presses his ear harder to the door. Updates. Now they were getting somewhere. 

But the echo of footsteps in the shop is getting fainter, a creaking of wood suggesting the pair are headed upstairs to the residence above the apothecary, and when Patton speaks again his voice is faint.

“The Coalition has been spreading their usual nonsense, as always, but…”

The words trail off into indistinct sounds, then nothing, and Janus swears under his breath. But what? Who is Patton talking about? He lingers for another long moment, hoping the two of them will return back within eavesdropping reach, but there’s nothing but silence, and he doesn’t dare risk staying too long lest one of them spot him from the second story windows.

So he pulls back, straightens his cloak, and heads for home, left with more questions than he’d had when he arrived and armed with a letter that might just offer some answers.

~~~

Remus immediately seizes upon the letter when Janus explains what it is and hands it over upon his return home, his eyes burning with ferocity and face pulled into a scowl as he harshly breaks the wax seal and begins to scan the first lines, retreating to the fireplace and collapsing onto the mattress there without taking his eyes from the first page.

Janus doesn’t bother to ask him to recount the contents aloud as he reads. He’s sure he’ll get an earful of Remus’ reactions as he goes, not to mention a lengthy rant after he’s through.

But aside from the occasional muttered bastard or prick, Remus is silent, and more than once Janus glances over to find him staring through the pages, mind clearly somewhere else entirely. Dinner is a solitary affair, since Virgil is already asleep and Remus is so captivated by the letter he doesn’t even glance at the bowl Janus pushes his way, and despite his best effort, when Janus curls up between Virgil and Remus, he can’t keep his eyes open.

It must be well into the night when Janus wakes, his eyes still scratchy with sleep, but Remus is still up, now crouched on the hardwood with sheets of the letter strewn around him and muttering under his breath as he scrawls notes in the margins like his life depends on it.

“It doesn’t make sense,” he insists to no one, and Janus pushes himself upright, nudging back the covers and sliding to the edge of the mattress.

“So he’s lying?” he murmurs, and Remus shakes his head, apparently not at all startled by Janus’ voice.

First being caught stealing by Patton and now not being able to sneak up on Remus? Janus really must be losing his edge.

“No, it does make sense, it just—all this time, I thought he—I—it just—it doesn’t make sense. This can’t be true, right? But it has to be true; I mean, he has proof for everything. But if it’s true then everything I thought happened, everything I thought he did—”

He breaks off, staring at the wild mess of papers around him like the answer will suddenly appear in front of him, and Janus stares at them too, wondering just what secrets are contained within the swirls of ink.

“I don’t know, Re,” he says honestly, trying to be helpful despite not having a single clue what Roman has written to his twin.

“He can’t be making all of this up, not without any inconsistencies, and look.” He gestures to the papers and his copious notes crowding the margins. “Zip. Zilch. Nada. Not a single one. He can’t be smart enough to lie his way through all this without a single contradiction.”

“What about the mage, then?” Janus offers. “He seems like a wily one. Maybe he’s the brains behind the whole operation.”

Remus shakes his head, still staring intently at the letter like it’ll provide him the answers to all his questions if he wills it to hard enough.

“He wasn’t a part of the court when I was there, so I don’t know him. Roman must have brought him on after I left. Maybe he did this? But the writing, the style, all of that screams Roman, and there’s things in here only he would know, so I don’t…”

He trails off and the two of them sit in silence for a long moment, Janus waiting for Remus to offer some kind of explanation about what, exactly, is enclosed in all those pages, but the other man is uncharacteristically quiet.

“Go back to bed,” he finally says, glancing up to meet Janus’ gaze for the first time, and he smirks, a hint of his usual humor peeking through. “You’re a grouch when you don’t get enough sleep.”

“Slander and lies,” Janus scoffs, cuffing Remus lightly on the back of the head, but there doesn’t seem to be much he can do to help Remus at the moment and sleep is dragging at his eyes, so he retreats back to the middle of the mattress and crawls back under the blankets.

“Wake me if you need anything,” he whispers. Remus gives him a thumbs up, sharp gaze already scanning the letter again, and Janus closes his eyes and lets sleep pull him under.

---

Taglist (let me know if you'd like to be added or removed!): @joylessnightsky

[transfemlogan]

Sanders Sides events in 2023! Last updated: September 17th, 2023

2022 event list

This list complies every event in 2023 (on Tumblr), such as: character days, ship weeks, gift exchanges, "big bangs", and ETC. If you have an event this year, let me know so I can add it to the list!

I will not be adding the sides' birthdays to this list (unless begged /j), because they are in my last list and... they don't change.

(These are added as the people hosting the event state that they are doing it this year)

MISC

@tss-storytime - Sanders Sides Big Bang - Schedule

@tsspromptmonth - Spring Cleaning Event: February 10 - end of April Sign ups & Schedule

@transsidesweek - Transgender Sides Week: september 11th - 17th

@acesidesweek - Asexual Sides Week: june 5th - 11th (prompts)

@aro-sides-week - Aromantic Sides Week: august 20th - 26th (prompts)

@briandthemoon - Thomas Sanders Birthday Bash: DEADLINE MARCH 24TH (information)

@tss-october-ghostwriters - Halloween Exchange (FAQ) (SIGN UPS - july 36th - september 30th)

@autisticsidesweek - Autistic Sides Week: December 4th - 10th

SHIP EVENTS

@loginceweek2023 - Logince Week: January 23rd - 29th (prompts)

@roceit2023 - Roceit Week: April 6-13 (prompts)*

@dukexietyweek - Dukexiety Week: June 18th - 25th (prompts)

@loceitweek - Loceit Week: June 27th - July 3rd (prompts)

@anaroceitweek - Anaroceit Week: July 10th - July 16th (prompts)

@royalityweek - Royality Week: July 31st - August 6th

@prinxietyweek - Prinxiety Week: October 2nd - October 8th (prompts)

@intrualityweek - Intruality Week: October 22nd - 28th

@intrulogicalweek - Intrulogical Week: October 29th - November 4th (prompts)

@tss-anxceit-week - Anxceit Week: November 12 - 19

@moxiety-week - Moxiety Week: December 18th - 24th

*2023 roceit week is hosted by someone different than last years! Check out last years roceit week at @roceitweek

ROLESLAYING WITH ROMAN

@roleslayingweek2023 - Roleslaying Week: July 24th - 30th

Events NOT Happening

Moceit Week (@moceit-appreciation-week) is Not coming back this year, there hasn't been an Intruality week since 2021 (@intrualityweek2021), and there has never been a Logicality week ever! Analogical Week (@analogicalweek) is most likely not coming back this year (or ever), as the creator left the fandom.

[sanders-sides-events]

Sanders Sides events 2023 masterpost

Hello and welcome to the Sanders Sides events blog!! Posts relating to all events in the fandom will be reblogged here, including events about Thomas Sanders' content that isn't related to Sanders Sides (e.g. Roleslaying, Cartoon Therapy).

If you're running an event and want your posts to be reblogged here, simply send an ask or tag this blog!

Blog navigation

All posts will be tagged with the tag of the event they relate to.

Schedules are tagged as #schedules!

Asks are tagged as #asks!

Events in 2023:

Note: Schedules for fandom events are linked under the cut. This is just the masterpost for this blog.

Event weeks

Logince Week @loginceweek2023

22nd January - 28th January | Prompts

Roceit week @roceit2023

6th April - 13th April | Prompts

Sanders Sides A-spec Week @sanders-sides-a-spec-week

24th May - 30th May | Prompts

Analoroceit Week (hosted by @loganisanobody)

28th May - 3rd June | Prompts

Ace Sides Week @acesidesweek

5th June - 11th June | Prompts

Dukexiety Week @dukexietyweek

18th June - 25th June | Prompts

Loceit Week @loceitweek

26th June- 2nd July | Prompts

Anaroceit week @anaroceitweek

10th July - 16th July | Prompts

Roleslaying Week @roleslayingweek2023

24th July - 30th July | Prompts

Royality Week @royalityweek

31st July - 6th August | Prompts

Aro Sides Week @aro-sides-week

20th August - 26th August | Prompts

Trans Sides Week @transsidesweek

11th September - 17th September | Prompts

Prinxiety Week @prinxietyweek

2nd October - 8th October | Prompts

Intruality Week @intrualityweek

22nd October - 28th October | Prompts

Intrulogical Week @intrulogicalweek

29th October - 4th November | Prompts

Anxceit Week @tss-anxceit-week

12th November - 19th November | Prompts

Roleslaying trans week @rswr-trans-week2023

20th November - 26th November | Prompts

Autistic Sides Week @autisticsidesweek

4th December - 10th December | Prompts

Big bangs & exchanges

Storytime - Sanders Sides Big Bang @tss-storytime

February - August | Schedule

Sanders Sides Big Bang @sandersidesbigbang

May - September

Sanders Sides Spring Cleaning Event @tsspromptmonth

February - April | Schedule

Halloween Horror Fest @halloweenhorrorfest

18+ event | April - November

Tss October Ghostwriters @tss-october-ghostwriters

August - October | Schedule

Sanders Sides Holiday Gift Exchange @sanderssidesgiftxchange

September - December | Schedule

Thomas Sanders Reverse Bang @xts-reverse-bangx

June 2023 - July 2024 | Schedule

Other events/projects

Thomas Birthday Bash Book | Submission deadline 24th March

(Events will be added to this list as they're added to the blog. If I've missed an event, or got any dates wrong, please let me know!)

Cancelled events

@intruality-week (the new intruality week blog is @intrualityweek )

@anxceit-week-23 (the new anxceit week blog is @tss-anxceit-week

Events from previous years

Here are events that have been run in the fandom, in case anyone wants to look back at them or check for updates. Some of these might return in 2023, so keep an eye out!

@analogicalweek

@anxceitweek21

@anxceit-week-2022

@dukeceitweek

@intrualityweek2021

@lamp-appreciation-week

@moceit-appreciation-week

@moxiety-week

@pintrovertsweek2022

@prinxiety-week-2022

@roceitweek

@sandersidesbigbang

@sanderssidesgiftxchange

@sanders-spring

@ts-storytime Event moved to @/tss-storytime

Schedules

Here are some useful schedules made by other fanders!!

The 2023 events list and 2022 events list created by @transfemlogan

Logan's master schedule created by @edupunkn00b

Events blogs

If you want more updates on events in the fandom, check out @tsseventhub They also have an Instagram!

[tsseventhub]

Do you host a Sanders Sides event? Have you always wanted to host an event, but were unsure where to start? Are you a creator who's been looking for something to participate in? Are you a fander looking for cool fanart and fanfictions? Did you stumble across this blog by accident and have literally no idea where you are?

Welcome to the TSS EVENT HUB!

The TSS Event Hub is focused on reblogging and boosting events within the Sanders Sides fandom (though, it doesn't have to be SaSi focused; Roleslaying With Roman, Cartoon Therapy, and ETC are welcomed) to make finding them just a little bit easier. Events such as: ship weeks, "big bangs", gift exchanges, entire event months, character appreciation days, and more!

The TSS Event Hub does not CREATE events.

If you're planning on hosting an event, or have already started, give this blog a tag or send an ask.

Check out the TSS Event Hub on Instagram that focuses on SaSi Instagram events! tss.event.hub (link)

Also, check out @sanders-sides-events! We created our blogs at roughly the same time.

2023 Event List (link) - a list of all the events in 2023, with easy access to blogs, prompts, and dates. Updated consistently. (ran by @transfemlogan)

2022 Event List (link) - a list of all the past events in 2022

How do I host an event? (link) - if you want to run an event, but are unsure where to start or what's required, here is a helpful guide

Tagging System (link)

In regards to RemRom events (link) - if you're curious on whether or not we will be including RemRom, please click here!

This blog is ran by multiple people. Check out the mods' introductions! (link)

[entity9silvergen]

My fics of 2022

Started and finished

Guy Stuff (The Adventure Zone)

Angus trans fic! Also a Barry trans fic. Binder mishaps. Twoshot.

Crime Pays, Bro (Ben 10)

Ben meets Fistrick on a trand bodybuilding subreddit and joins his crew. Oneshot.

You Were A Stranger (Ben 10)

Social media au where Rook, a fan of the Ben 10 tv show, meets the real Ben and falls in love. Multichapter.

Used To Dream of You Next To Me (Ben 10)

Ben 23 finally meets his version of Rook Blonko. Unfortunately, Khyber got him first. Feral Rook, Nemetrix Rook! Can be read indepdenetly or as part of my Rook Gets the Omnitrix AU. Oneshot.

Silence Was His Savior (Pokemon)

A mute Ash tells Professor Oak that Bill was killed. Fic of Guardian’s Dragons. Oneshot.

Bros Before Hoes (Spirited)

Clint tells Past that he was never interested in being in a relationship with her. Oneshot.

Present Lost, Present Gained (Spirited)

Clint and Future get tacos.

Medium (Spirited)

The Ghosts visit Roberto.

Then To Finish, We’ll Snuggle (Spirited)

Clint has Present watch Elf.

Grocery Run? More Like Grocery Pun (Spirited)

Present goes grocery shopping. Clint provides some flirty commentary.

Beautiful In A Moment (Spirited)

Clint recalls what it feels like to fall in love.

Mix Up (Spirited)

Clint and Carrie don’t understand why Future and Past have the jobs they do. They decide to figure it out themselves.

A Symptom of Our Relationship (Spirited)

Roberto wonders if he truly loves Clint or if he just misses him.

To Touch Each And Every Life (The Adventure Zone/ Ben 10)

How the day of Story and Song impacted Ben 10′s universe. Multichapter.

Glitch’s Spark (Ben 10)

Verdona discovers the spark in Glitch instead of Gwen. Multichapter.

Earth And Heaven (ATLA)

Addition to The Spirits Threw Down Their Spears And Watered Heaven With Their Tears focused on Toph.

Moon Blinked (ATLA)

Addition to The Spirits Threw Down Their Spears And Watered Heaven With Their Tears focused on Yue and La. Darker AU.

Signal (HouseBroken/ DCU Super-Pets)

Krypto joins group.

Spider-Man And The Watchling (Eliza & Her Monsters/ MCU)

Eliza gains powers and a friend in Peter Parker.

They’ll Have Someone To Care For Them (MCU)

After the fall of the Illuminati, Earth 838 rebuilds and moves on. Multichapter.

Synapses (Big Bang Theory/ Young Sheldon)

Platonic soulmate au. Sheldon tells his friends about Dr. Sturgis and Paige.

Hematite Stones (Spirited)

Clint gets Roberto a Christmas gift. Oneshot.

Burn the Body That Isn’t Mine (Spirited)

Clint gets used to being dead and watches his loved ones grieve. Oneshot.

Started

The Water’s Fine (Ben 10)

Rook and Scout come to Earth to aid Ben, Gwen, and Kevin’s fight against Vilgax. Installment to my Rook Gets the Omnitrix AU. Multichapter.

Finished

Dissonant Strings (Ben 10) (2021-2022)

Ben, Gwen, and Kevin arrive on Anur Transyl. Rook and Scout help them save their missing captain and return to Earth. Multichapter.

When Everything Goes Wrong (Sanders Sides) (2020-2022)

Incorrect Quotes! Multichapter.

Gender’s A Spectacle (2021-2022)

Kukui’s class learns about what gender means to pokemon. Oneshot.

Continued

The Spirits Threw Down Their Spears And Watered Heaven With Their Tears (2021-2023)

Multichapter. Sequel posted under the same story. Dragon Zuko, sea serpent Yue, and snake Toph. Spirit nonsense.

[msclaritea]

Amazon Studios: Big Swings Hampered by Confusion and Frustration – The Hollywood Reporter

Despite ambitious bets like 'Daisy Jones & The Six' and the upcoming 'Citadel,' insiders complain that there’s still "no vision for what an Amazon Prime show is." But chief Jen Salke says they are missing the point: "You don’t reverse-engineer true creative vision."

BY KIM MASTERS

APRIL 3, 2023 12:43PM PDT

It’s long been an open secret that Jeff Bezos has yearned for his own Game of Thrones, and that Amazon’s big swing as it reached for its own massive hit was The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power, believed to be the most expensive series ever made.

Last September, the show began with a bang, delivering the biggest debut ever on the streamer in what Amazon Studios chief Jennifer Salke called “a very culturally defining moment” for the company. But when season one wrapped, the show was less defining than hoped, falling short of being the breakout hit that Amazon had envisioned.

While Amazon, like other streamers, provides only limited data — and internally, it held information even more closely than usual on the series — sources confirm that The Rings of Power had a 37 percent domestic completion rate (customers who watched the entire series). Overseas, it reached 45 percent. (A 50 percent completion rate would be a solid but not spectacular result, according to insiders). The show has not been a major awards contender, either, overlooked by the major guilds with the exception of one SAG-AFTRA nomination for stunt ensemble.

But according to Salke, the series has worked. “This desire to paint the show as anything less than a success — it’s not reflective of any conversation I’m having internally,” she says. The second season, currently in production, will have more dramatic story turns, she adds. “That’s a huge opportunity for us. The first season required a lot of setting up.”

Data from Nielsen on minutes watched reveals that when it comes to original shows generally, Amazon has lagged. In 2022, Netflix hoovered up the top 10 spots for original streaming series, with Amazon’s The Boys in 11th place — ahead of The Rings of Power at No. 15. Using the same measurement, none of the top 15 originals of 2021 came from Amazon. (Netflix again took all the slots except for Hulu’s The Handmaid’s Tale in 10th place, Apple’s Ted Lasso at 12, and Disney+’s WandaVision in the 14th spot.)

Many current and former Amazon executives, as well as showrunners who have series at the streamer and agents who make deals there, believe that this is no accident. They describe Amazon Studios as a confusing and frustrating place to do business. When it comes to movies, where Amazon’s footprint is expanding following the $8.5 billion acquisition of MGM a year ago, a veteran producer says that, in recent years, “there has been no sense of what the philosophy is.”

On the series side, numerous sources say they cannot discern what kind of material Salke and head of television Vernon Sanders want to make. A showrunner with ample experience at the studio says, “There’s no vision for what an Amazon Prime show is. You can’t say, ‘They stand for this kind of storytelling.’ It’s completely random what they make and how they make it.” Another showrunner with multiple series at Amazon finds it baffling that the streamer hasn’t had more success: Amazon has “more money than God,” this person says. “If they wanted to produce unbelievable television, they certainly have the resources to do it.”

But Salke believes the studio’s approach fits Amazon’s broad remit. “I have never been one to say [to the creative community] ‘We need five action franchise shows and three workplace situation comedies.’ That’s the kiss of death,” she says. “You don’t reverse-engineer true creative vision. We are programming for over 250 million households across the entire globe. We would say we have a big, broad audience, and we are looking for content that entertains the four quadrants.” (That is, male and female, under 35 and over 35).

The question that makes many in Hollywood nervous is whether the Amazon Studios overlords in Seattle believe they are getting enough bang for their megabucks. The last thing the industry wants at a time of belt-tightening is a cutback in spending from a deep-pocketed buyer. According to Salke, that concern is misguided. “The proof exists that the giant tentpole shows are driving people to subscribe to Prime,” she says. “Do we pressure ourselves to be more disciplined, more strategic? Of course. We consistently examine if we’re producing the right amount of content at the right value to drive the most engagement across our service.”

Like Apple, Amazon is not a traditional entertainment company but a huge retailer with a side hustle in Hollywood. Amazon’s view is that the more hours you spend watching Prime Video, the more likely you are to renew your membership and the more likely you are to shop on the site. As Amazon, like Netflix, pursues overseas growth in the wake of saturation in the U.S., Salke notes that in some countries like South Africa and Argentina, Amazon’s programming is the tip of the spear, entering the territory before retail sales or fast, free shipping is even available. “International is everything,” she says. “It is our business to deliver global shows for a global audience.”

The streamer has certainly had its success stories, including buzzy shows like Transparent, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and Fleabag, and popular series like The Boys, Jack Ryan, Jack Reacher and The Terminal List. But it has arguably never had a brand-defining show that is a commercial and critical juggernaut in the vein of HBO’s Game of Thrones, Netflix’s Stranger Things or Apple’s Ted Lasso. And all of those Amazon series, except Jack Reacher and The Terminal List, were launched when Salke’s predecessor, Roy Price, ran the studio. (Price departed in 2017 amid allegations of improper conduct; Salke took over in 2018.)

Jennifer Salke CHARLEY GALLAY/GETTY IMAGES

One of Salke’s first greenlights was Daisy Jones & The Six, based on the Taylor Jenkins Reid novel and co-produced by Reese Witherspoon’s Hello Sunshine. Lauren Neustadter, president of film at Hello Sunshine, says she and Witherspoon had lunch with Salke just as she was starting at Amazon. “She was really clear and articulate in her vision” for what she wanted to do with the job, Neustadter says. “Reese and I both said Daisy is all the things she was talking about. The book, the show, fashion — we had big dreams for this.”

Amazon put more than $140 million into production, in part due to high COVID protocol costs. The show dropped March 3 with solid numbers and eventually topped Parrot Analytics’ weekly engagement chart. The 2-year-old novel popped back onto Amazon’s best-seller list, and the retailer is able to sell tie-in merchandise. Aurora, an album featuring songs from the fictional band, is climbing the Billboard charts. However, insiders say the show remains shy of the breakout hit the studio hoped for. (Released around the same time, Donald Glover’s Swarm is also delivering strong results for Amazon at a more modest $30 million budget.)

A far more costly and troubled production was the Russo brothers’ Citadel, which debuts on April 28. Anthony Russo says Salke first approached AGBO, the Russos’ production company, with a general concept of making a U.S. show with international foreign-language versions. AGBO came up with “a global spy show where you would have a mothership U.S. language show” alongside foreign-language versions in other countries, Russo says. The various versions are “related to one another, but they also exist independently and distinct from one another.” Some of the international shows may be set in different time periods, he adds. 

Amazon has committed to three seasons of three versions of the show; so far, a local-language production is underway in Italy and in early stages in India. “We love the ability to communicate with people all over the world, and to connect people through stories,” Russo continues. “Amazon and Jen basically brought us a brand-new opportunity to do that at a scale that’s never been attempted before.”

But in December 2021, with production well underway, the Russo brothers decided to replace showrunner Josh Appelbaum. “It was clear after some audience feedback and discussion that some changes needed to be made,” says Mike Larocca, president and co-founder of AGBO. “We felt like it needed some more character work early to draw people into the show. It was that straightforward.” Appelbaum declined to comment.

David Weil took over as showrunner. When Joe Russo came on set, a “huge bunch of material” was tossed out, an insider says. Sources say the cost of the series climbed toward $300 million, making it Amazon’s second-most expensive show after LOTR. (In an onstage March 10 conversation with Salke at SXSW, Priyanka Chopra said her work on Citadel was the first time she had achieved pay parity in 22 years. That prompted some Amazon executives to joke internally that this was actually the first and second time, since she and the other leads on the show got paid significantly more than planned due to the massive reshoots.)

Joseph Russo (R) and his brother Anthony Russo

Directors Anthony and Joe Russo are executive producers on Citadel, Amazon’s high-stakes, $300 million bet on a multinational franchise. SUJIT JAISWAL/AFP/GETTY IMAGES

While the original plan called for eight hourlong episodes, the show that will drop on Amazon in April ended up at six, roughly 40-minute episodes. Amazon has already renewed it for a second season of six hourlong episodes. “There are a couple of relationships where I don’t really understand the bet that is being made,” says one Amazon veteran of the commitment to the project. “But Jen believes in the Russos.”

The challenges on Citadel can happen with the “best-managed creative endeavors with the highest level of talent,” Salke says. “Given the choice of making it mediocre or fucking great — we made the right call there. And at the end of the day, our customers will be the judge.”

Hunters and A League of Their Own, which is ending with a truncated season two, stand out as expensive disappointments of the Salke era. The latter cost in the ballpark of $90 million for eight episodes, including a premium paid to Sony for certain rights.

What generates some of the frustration that sources cite in dealings with Amazon is that Salke, who was previously president of NBC Entertainment, seems to be pursuing conflicting goals. Despite her assertion that Amazon is “a home for talent,” insiders say the mandate is increasingly not on finding the kind of curated hit that defines HBO, but more middle-of-the-road, meat-and-potatoes shows like Jack Reacher. “We’re so desperate right now for safe hits,” an Amazon exec says. (Netflix has also been pursuing broader material.)

But at the same time, current and former Amazon executives say Salke has a pattern of “chasing what she perceives as hot,” as one insider puts it. That person cites as examples paying a premium for Daisy Jones because of the Witherspoon connection, or making a Dead Ringers series, based on the 1988 David Cronenberg film, that came with Rachel Weisz attached. Salke makes deals with auteur talent to “deliver Jack Reacher results,” says an Amazon veteran. “But they don’t.”

Amazon recently renewed The Peripheral, a sci-fi drama from Jonah Nolan and Lisa Joy that cost close to $175 million for eight episodes (sources say their final eight-episode season of Westworld at HBO cost about $140 million). Amazon has ordered six additional hours of The Peripheral despite what sources say has been lukewarm audience engagement. “It probably should have been canceled,” says an insider. “But they made a megadeal and the political capital they would lose with Lisa and Jonah would be too great. And they have other shows coming.” Fallout, the next show from Nolan and Joy, is also “extremely expensive,” says a source.

Nolan and Joy’s deal has been worth at least $20 million a year since they signed on in 2019. One insider calls the Nolan deal the worst example of Salke’s mantra that Amazon is “a home for talent.’” He adds: “We cede decisions to powerful producers. We hold the line on other producers who do great work for us.” Nolan and Joy declined to comment.

Some rich Amazon deals have failed to produce anything at all. In the wake of serving as an executive producer on Them, Lena Waithe got a two-year deal worth $8 million a year that yielded nothing; in November 2021, she moved her banner to HBO Max.

And in September 2019, Amazon announced a deal with Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who had just swept up six Emmys for the second season of Fleabag. The plan was for Waller-Bridge to collaborate with Donald Glover on a Mr. and Mrs. Smith series, based on the 2005 film.

But within a few months, Waller-Bridge departed the show due to clashing creative styles. Her three-year deal, at $20 million a year, bore no fruit, yet Amazon recently renewed it, announcing that Waller-Bridge would write (but not star in) a Tomb Raider series. Some Amazon insiders have questioned how much she will contribute to the project, noting that Amazon has been seeking a showrunner to help write and oversee it.

The low-key Sanders bristles a little at the assertion. “Phoebe has not only fully embraced Tomb Raider and I think is feeling very committed to it, but she’s in a writers room right now working on it,” he says. Waller-Bridge is developing other material for the streamer as well, he adds, “She’s a perfectionist, so she absolutely wants to make sure that what she does is great and right, but she’s proven that when she does deliver, she delivers.” Waller-Bridge declined to comment.

But a showrunner with considerable experience at Amazon sees it differently: “They don’t learn from their mistakes.

They [say], ‘We can’t do any more deals like that.’ You turn around and they’re right back to — the impolite term is ‘star-fucking.'

” For creative executives at the studio, the result has been exasperation. “They say, ‘We don’t want to buy from outside studios,’” says a former Amazon exec. “Then packages come and they buy everything that comes through the door, and our development is thrown out.” 

One of Salke’s early hires at Amazon was Sanders, who had worked very closely with her as head of current programming at NBC. At Amazon, Salke initially made him co-head and then sole head of television. Before coming to Amazon, Sanders was overseeing NBC shows that were already up and running rather than developing and launching shows. Some Amazon insiders complain that he doesn’t offer them enough in the way of direction.

Vernon Sanders

One of Salke’s first hires at Amazon was Vernon Sanders, now head of television for the studio. AMY SUSSMAN/GETTY IMAGES

“No one knows what he likes,” says a former executive at the streamer. In a similar vein, a producer who’s worked with Amazon says, “Vernon seems so sincere, but when you talk to him about a project, you come away not knowing where you stand. What kind of shows does he really care about making? At the end of the day, that makes it hard for talent to truly trust him.”

Sanders says his job is simply not to program for his own taste, echoing Salke’s point about the importance of international. “We have over 250 million global customers, so our goal is to program for everyone — we have a big, broad and diverse audience,” he says. “We see that as one of our strengths. We can produce global tentpoles as well as inventive, character-driven series, with plenty in between. And our customers welcome it all. That’s why Lord of the Rings and Swarm can co-exist and succeed on our service.”

Rings and Swarm can co-exist and succeed on our service.”

Another complaint is that Sanders relies heavily on feedback from focus groups, which tend to favor broad and less inclusive programming. Several Amazon insiders say the reliance on testing and data led to a clash late last summer, when an Amazon executive said in a marketing meeting for the series A League of Their Own that data showed audiences found queer stories off-putting and suggested downplaying those themes in materials promoting the show. Series co-creator Will Graham became greatly concerned about bias built into Amazon’s system for evaluating shows, which multiple sources say often ranked broad series featuring straight, white male leads above all others. One executive calls A League of Their Own “a proxy for how diverse and inclusive shows are treated.” 

Graham launched into an interrogation of the system, questioning multiple executives about it. Amazon took the issue seriously and dropped the system of ranking shows based on audience scores. Insiders cite this show as one that Sanders did passionately support, but for months after it dropped, there was no word on whether it would be renewed. Ultimately, Amazon agreed to a four-episode second and final season. Still, several Amazon veterans believe the system remains too dependent on those same test scores. “All this perpetuation of white guys with guns — it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy,” says one. And another: “Relying on data is soul crushing … There’s never, ‘I know the testing wasn’t that great, but I believe in this.'” Graham declined to comment.

One executive says it was different when Salke first took charge at Amazon. “She shot from the hip, she went with her gut, and she didn’t let data overrule her,” this person says. “But she hired a staff that was in over their heads in terms of being able to get those shows produced at a number. I think if we had [FX boss] John Landgraf or [HBO’s] Casey Bloys or somebody who had more credibility and direct interaction with the development of shows, it would be so much easier to spend less. But we kind of act like it doesn’t matter if we have deep conversations with talent. A guy like Donald Glover would think, ‘No way in hell I’m doing a deal with these guys unless they overpay me.’ I know we’re third or fourth on their priority list. Agents are direct about it: ‘You guys pay a premium for being Amazon.’ They have clients who would much rather work at other places.”

Salke responds: “If people say my gut’s been tamped down, there’s no evidence for that.”  

Even some producers who have successful television projects at Amazon say its executive structure remains confusing to the point of opacity. A recent reorganization — the latest of several — does not seem to have done much to clarify things. An executive at a production company that has done repeat business with Amazon says it’s hard to know “who you should go to if you want to bring [a project] to them.” Says a showrunner who has had success at the streamer: “I couldn’t honestly tell you who reports to whom. It keeps changing.” 

Some of the confusion around Amazon may arise from conflicting goals at the top. Mike Hopkins, Amazon’s senior vice president for Prime Video & Amazon Studios, is a seasoned business executive and a veteran of Sony and Hulu but does not come from the creative side. A top industry executive who dealt with him at Hulu calls him “a seemingly egoless, laid-back, efficient manager.” A former Amazon executive says Hopkins is a “very intelligent, very calm and collected leader, but all he seems to care about is the bottom line. He doesn’t understand a lot about production because he doesn’t come from that.” Hopkins declined to comment.

Salke is known as a charismatic leader who has “a great touch around talent,” says an agent. But one long-standing complaint is that she can be hard to reach and unresponsive to texts or emails. “I really like Jen,” says an executive whose company has done repeat business with Amazon. “When you get her, she’s really engaged. She’s obviously spread thin, but if you actually get her, you can get a pretty clear answer.” That issue might only be exacerbated as, in the past year, Salke has taken on responsibility for MGM’s film and television studios, as well as marketing oversight.

On the fundamental issue of money, Hopkins and Salke were destined to clash. “Her strategy is to get whatever seems hot. Mike’s vision was to cut costs on shows and get football,” says a former insider. In 2021, Amazon became the first streamer to make an exclusive deal with the NFL, signing an 11-year pact for exclusive rights to Thursday Night Football at $1 billion per season. Amazon’s sports chief, Jay Marine, told staff in a September note that the launch game produced “the biggest three hours for U.S. Prime sign ups ever in the history of Amazon.” But while the streamer had told advertisers it expected to average 12.5 million viewers per game, at the end of the season Amazon said it had 11.3 million viewers, while Nielsen calculated 9.6 million average viewers. Amazon has said it compensated advertisers for the shortfall but offered no specifics.  

In recent months, current and former Amazon executives say, Salke seemed to be in a political battle with Hopkins. “Mike is a lot about budgets and that’s not something she reacts well to,” says one. But a top executive at another entertainment company says his lack of creative experience hampers his ability to limit spending on shows and movies. “That’s why he says yes when Jen says we’ve got to pay Simon Kinberg $8 million for a project,” this person says. 

That’s a reference to the spy thriller Red Shirt, written by writer-producer Kinberg with Channing Tatum attached to star. The project, acquired in November based on a treatment and short video heavily featuring Tatum, had several bidders, but Amazon offered the richest overall package.

The film calls for Tatum to be paid $25 million, with a staggering $18 million for director David Leitch. Add in Kinberg’s $8 million for writing and producing services and the deal represents one of the highest, if not the highest, payment for an original pitch in Hollywood dealmaking history. Kinberg, Tatum and Leitch declined to comment.

And that’s only one of several pricey film bets that Amazon has made. Salke put in a preemptive bid for Air, the Nike movie with Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Affleck says Salke was his point of contact during the making of the film and he found her to be “straightforward, and true to her word.” Salke “always had thoughtful ideas and notes,” he adds. “We took almost all of them.”  

But an executive at a competitor calls the deal for Air “crazy,” claiming, “She just bought it off a pitch, went in and bought it for $160 million.” (Industry sources say it cost far less to produce.) “Matt made more money on [Air] than any other movie but Bourne. She just took it off the table,” says the executive. (Affleck and Damon declined to comment on the deal.) Another source involved with the project says he’s certain some competitor would have matched the deal. While it’s uncertain the film, which has garnered critical acclaim, will gross enough at the box office to be profitable, the value of having it to lure subscribers to the streaming service may justify the expense. 

Recently, Salke has been perceived as pivoting toward film. Several Amazon sources believe there was a tug-of-war with Hopkins over who would have oversight of the MGM film studio. Initially, Hopkins intended to hire former Fox and Paramount executive Emma Watts and have her report to him. But then Watts — a seasoned but sometimes sharp-elbowed exec — was out of the picture, despite having gone through vetting. Amazon announced in November that Salke, not Hopkins, would have direct oversight of the film studio despite her very limited film experience. Amazon declined to comment on the switch.

Given Salke’s background in television, many in the film community assumed she would need to hire an executive with strong movie experience to oversee MGM films. But some Amazon insiders believe she wanted to give the job to Julie Rapaport, the executive in charge of original movies for the streamer. While Rapaport is well-liked, in the view of several outside movie execs, she lacks the experience to run MGM film. 

If Salke indeed wanted Rapaport in the job, there was one big snag. MGM’s crown jewel is the James Bond franchise, which is controlled by Barbara Broccoli. Sources say Broccoli made it clear that she needed an experienced movie executive at the helm of MGM’s film division. The sources also believe that Salke put her foot wrong with Broccoli by mentioning a possible Bond TV project, which Broccoli would not want. And following the acquisition of MGM’s distribution arm, they say, Broccoli was not impressed when weeks passed during which Amazon did not communicate with the longtime marketing and distribution executives who Broccoli sees as vital to handling the Bond films, leaving them in doubt as to whether they would keep their jobs. (A source says one of those executives, the late Erik Lomis, fought to move Creed III out of a crowded November to a March release date, giving Amazon a hit that has grossed $250 million.) Salke says, “We have deep respect for Barbara and Michael” — a reference to Michael G. Wilson, her Bond producing partner.  Broccoli did not respond to a request for comment.

Amazon went through a protracted who’s who of potential hires before settling on former Warner Bros. executive Courtenay Valenti. Sources say Salke was chilly to Valenti during the hiring process, which Salke denies. Valenti joins former longtime Warner Bros. executive Sue Kroll, who in October became head of marketing for Amazon Studios and MGM. Even Amazon critics say Salke made an excellent move in hiring Kroll, who brings a much-needed boost to promoting Amazon films and series. Now reunited, both Valenti and Kroll will report to Salke. 

Part of what irks some Amazon entertainment executives is that, as part of a supersized tech company, the studio must contend with an idiosyncratic culture that often doesn’t mesh with traditional Hollywood practices. (In a sense, Amazon the parent is as alien to Hollywood as previous outsiders who have come and gone: Coca-Cola, Matsushita, a wave of German investors.) Amazon culture manifests itself in many ways that go beyond the well-known everyone-flies-coach rule. The compensation system caps base cash pay at $350,000 for all employees (exclusive of signing bonuses) plus stock options, which for a high-level executive will make up the bulk of pay. The base pay cash ceiling was $160,000 until last year, when the cap was increased due to the declining stock price. Over the past 12 months, the stock has been down more than 35 percent. (In contrast, at Netflix, executives can decide what percentage of their compensation they will take in stock options.) 

“A lot of people there are not that incentivized to stick their necks out,” says an agent. “Everyone’s sort of marking time to get as much stock [to vest] as they can. That’s no way to run it. This is a hit-driven, risk-taking business.”

Another Amazon tradition: Only top executives have offices. Until this year, other high-level execs have worked in assigned cubicles. Since January, however, the vast majority have to contend with “agile seating,” meaning they work at unassigned cubbies in designated “neighborhoods,” and are provided with lockers for their belongings. “These things are coming from so high up [in the company],” says an Amazon Studios insider. “It just contributes to the sense of anonymity — that nobody knows where their own spaces and belongings are.” This arrangement seems to be in favor with some tech types; Jason Kilar was “adamant” about imposing a similar plan at HBO and HBO Max, according to a source, though equivalent top executives at Netflix do get offices.

Meanwhile, the broader company is now facing very public challenges: In January, Amazon announced the biggest workforce cuts in the company’s history, laying off more than 27,000 of its 1.6 million employees. So far, the studio has been spared, though a hiring freeze is in effect. 

Industry executives feel it’s imperative to keep as many buyers in the game as possible, and some worry that the NFL deal has shown Amazon a way to sign up subscribers in a way that is not as unpredictable as making scripted entertainment. Says one former insider, “In bringing Mike in, they wanted to keep Jen in check. Then you add sports and in 24 hours make more progress than in eight years of TV. The whole sports launch changed the prism of how they look at the ecosystem and what role film and TV and music plays into it.” 

So far, Amazon hasn’t hinted at any unhappiness with the return on its content spend, which was $7 billion on Amazon Originals, live sports and licensed third-party video content in 2022. That’s up 28 percent from the previous year, thanks in part to the cost of football and Lord of the Rings. (In comparison, Netflix spent about $18 billion.) According to Consumer Intelligence Research Partners, Amazon’s U.S. Prime subscribers stalled last year at 168 million, essentially flat from 2021. (The company last publicly disclosed a Prime subscriber number in 2021, when it said it had “over 200 million” globally.) 

During a February earnings call, Amazon CFO Brian Olsavsky sounded upbeat. “We regularly evaluate the return on the spend [on content] and continue to be encouraged by what we see, as video has proven to be a strong driver of Prime member engagement and new Prime member acquisition.” Speaking at a New York Times Dealbook summit in November, CEO Andy Jassy said he could see a possible future in which Amazon’s entertainment operations could work as a stand-alone business “with very attractive economics.” He added, “All of that content is a really important ingredient in why people choose to sign up to Prime.” But Amazon watchers might have noted that he mentioned Thursday Night Football in particular. The company will continue to invest in sports, he said, “a unique asset with an unrivaled ability to drive Prime sign-ups.”

Additional reporting by Lesley Goldberg.

Maybe this will clear things up. Maybe not. Jennifer Salke is married to Bert Salke, Head of Fox 21. His reps:

Agent: United Talent Agency, 9560 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 500, Beverly Hills, CA 90212.; Office: Brancato/Salke Productions, 5300 MelroseAve., Suite 229 East, Los Angeles, CA 90038.

Some or maybe all of what's going on at Amazon Prime, frankly looks like straight up money laundering, to several outfits in Hollywood, either willingly or unwillingly. United Talent Agency has so far tried screwing over talents like Johnny Depp and Benedict Cumberbatch. A number of actors left the agency and it's because they have a longstanding, close relationship with the Church. No fucking wonder I'm staring at Tom Cruise's face every time I go on the Amazon Prime or old Simon Pegged movies, out front and center for hot picks.

While I'm not a fan a big fan of this guy, Disparu (uses the word Woke in tye negative and seems to have a soft spot for Tom Cruise) he makes some very straightforward points about the craziness of paying Phoebe Waller-Bridge $20 million per year to do fuck all. And Bridge is only big in Britain. So, I'm not the only one who's wondered at the overhyping. It could only be from powerful outfits like COS or Lavender Mafia.

[samusique-concrete]

My fav albums of 2022!

I’m trying to at least squeeze in this post in January 2023, hehe :p 

I’ll go from last to first. Let’s go!

10: Dawn FM - The Weeknd

I’ll be honest, i’m not in love with the entirety of this record. I think it has some of the best pop songs that’ve dropped recently (back to back even!), but after track 7 it’s not quite the same (am i alone in this?? let me know!!). It’s a shame too, because at 16 tracks total, the “great” part ends up being less than half of the album. Sooo why is it on my top 10 at all? Well, because i did still play it and replay it tons of times. Those first songs on it... man. Immaculate vibes. Though after Out of Time ends i almost always turn it off 😅

Side tangent regarding Out of Time, btw: I’ve always liked OPN, and getting the chance to listen to his production on big artists like this is kind of a treat. When i heard OoT though i was like “Damn! They arranged this?! This is really precise and detailed and far beyond the scope of what i thought they were capable of...” So then when i learned that the backing track was actually sampled from Tomoko Aran’s 1983 song Midnight Pretenders i was really disappointed (i’d even listened to that album AND song before, i just didn’t remember it). We’ll leave the discussion of how i feel about covers/sampling in general for another day though!

Fav song on it: Gasoline

09: The Ruby Cord - Richard Dawson

I’m telling you man, that Hermit song? Those 41 minutes go by reeeal quick. Don’t be scared of pure beauty! On top of it there are also some other banging tracks as well. The Fool’s soundscape is another highlight for me, for example.

Fav song on it: The Hermit

08: Fawn - Foxtails

I like heavy shit, although i’m not usually into screamo stuff... but i’m kinda slowly changing that. This record was great for me in that regard cuz it’s not all entirely sung in that style. Great entry point if you wanna get attuned with that general sound, probably. I didn’t know this band prior to hearing this, and now i can say i’m a fan! These tunes rule. They sound younger than me though, and i’m still trying to cope with that LOL

Fav song on it: Space orphan

07: Tropical Dancer - Charlotte Adigéry & Bolis Pupul

Brilliant dance/club/techno/house from these two. I would say “biting social commentary” if 1) it wasn’t the most clichéd phrase ever and 2) if it wasn’t at least the baseline """wokeness""" society should just operate at nowadays, honestly. It’s also charming and funny. And danceable AF. Great great great record; not many like it.

Fav song on it: Reappropiate

06: Super Champon - Otoboke Beaver

Punk! Heavy! Fast! Fun!

Fav song on it: First-class side-guy

05: Ants From Up There - Black Country, New Road

Lmao, speaking of musicians that’re younger than me. This album’s a certified instant classic, and you probably know that already. You don’t need to hear it from me again. You can listen to it again, though!

Fav song on it: Haldern

04: Renaissance - Beyoncé

Not much i can add to the discussion of this album, or Beyoncé in general... Well, actually, one thing that comes to mind is how this record comes off as extremely pro-capitalist and individualistic on her part. Idk i admit i don’t usually listen to her, so idk if that’s her usual spiel. It makes sense tho, with her being a gajillionare and having a completely different lifestyle than any of the people who listen to her. This album’s whole aesthetic is money. Even in the sound! It sounds like it was very expensive to make and like every single little beep and/or boop on it was analyzed and tested by a large team of specialists in order to fit perfectly in a song. I will say, though, it sounds fucking amazing. Really pristine production. Bop after bop. I’ve danced to this album a lot.

Fav song on it: Virgo’s Groove

03: Pigments - Dawn Richard & Spencer Zahn

I loooove the concept of this album. It reminds me of 2021′s Promises by Floating Points, Pharoah Sanders & The London Symphony Orchestra in how a musical motif is introduced at the start and how it gets developed across the whole runtime of the record. I don’t wanna compare these two albums though; they’re very different. This one’s also really groovy at times! Love the composing, arranging, instrumentation, singing and everything else in this. And also, little details like the naming of the songs after... well, pigments, and having those pigments in order of appearance on the cover go a long way to making an album feel like a holistic, thought out experience for me. Love it!

Fav song on it: Crimson

02: Hellfire - Black Midi

Insane. Go listen to it if you haven’t already listened to it like 500 times like me. Or! Better yet, if you’ve heard it 500 times go and listen to it again. Insane! These kids really are pushing the whole jazz rock/prog rock/alt&art rock in general scene forward. I also love how each story (i.e. song) on this feels like a very different but still very tangible depiction of a hellish experience.

Fav song on it: Dangerous Liaisons

01: Motomami - Rosalía

Motomami’s an excellent record. That’s just how it is. It’s also special to me specifically because it dropped right around the time when i moved away from home, and i had it constantly on repeat on my new place. However, the real reason it’s on my #1 spot is because it kinda changed things, culturally speaking. It was a force of nature to be reckoned with, upon release. You see, i live in a natively Spanish speaking region, and over here this album was some sort of a cultural reset. I think that’s bigger than me or anyone else’s preferences, and it’s more than enough to warrant the top spot. I also just happen to love it!

Fav song on it: Diablo

Anyway. Have some honorable mentions as well, in no particular order:

Until next year!

[selfdestructivecat]

(Click for better quality!)

I had the incredible honor of collaborating with @wistful-wish in this year’s @sandersidesbigbang ! You know I can’t resist a good Prinxiety fic. And set in a fantasy AU with half the cast as fae? Virgil as an all-powerful fae prince? Roman as the himbo human prince that Virgil can’t help but fall for? The choice literally made itself for me lol

Go check out Tessa’s fic! She worked SO hard on it and it’s AMAZING!!! Also, go check out the incredible art @briandthemoon did for the fic! It was so cool working alongside such a talented artist, and their art for the fic is absolutely gorgeous!

-

[Image 1 ID] [The first image shows Roman and Virgil. Roman is placing a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. Roman’s expression is concerned, while Virgil looks surprised. Roman has tan skin, curly auburn hair, and green eyes. He is wearing a fancier version of his canon outfit, as well as a golden circlet with red gems imbedded. Virgil has pale, light pink skin with pointy ears that are slightly curled at the end. His eyes have black sclerae and purple irises that glow slightly. He is wearing a purple and grey shirt underneath a long, dark-purple cloak with a silver clasp shaped like a star. Virgil’s cloak and Roman’s sash are billowing to canvas right. Roman and Virgil are both standing on a circle of grass against a blue background, and tiny motes of light float around the canvas. The words “Anxiety… It will be alright.” are on the right side of the canvas, italicized and slightly glowing.]

[Image 2 ID] [The second image is formatted like a comic page with six panels, the majority of the page taken up by two panels split diagonally, with four smaller triangle-shaped panels along the bottom. Black action lines spread behind the bottom four panels. The top two panels are shaded in more detail, while the bottom four panels are cel-shaded.

The top-left panel shows a headshot of Roman, who is sweating slightly and looks scared. His hand is shown recoiling. His outfit and appearance is the same as the first image. The background of this panel is a gradient of black to grey from top to bottom with vertical white lines lining the top and fading.

The top-right panel shows a headshot of Virgil, who is blushing and looks surprised/awe-struck. His blush is purple. His outfit and appearance is the same as the first image. The background of this panel is pink with light motes and sparkles surrounding Virgil.

The bottom far-left panel shows a headshot of Logan, who is clutching his head with both hands and looks incredibly distressed. He has light skin and black hair that is pushed to the side, and he is wearing rectangular glasses. His eyes are hidden by the reflection of his glasses, although his eyebrows slightly overlay the glasses. He is wearing a dark-blue suit with white cuffs over a white shirt, as well as a white cravat. The background of this panel is light indigo with white action lines shooting diagonally from bottom-left to top-right.

The bottom middle-left panel shows a headshot of Dearheart, a young girl with tan skin, long blonde hair, and brown eyes. Her hair is pulled back partially. Her eyes are simplified to dot-eyes, and her expression is confused. She is wearing a sleeveless blue dress. The background of this panel is light blue with a pattern of dark blue question marks.

The middle-right panel shows a headshot of Janus. He has long, brown hair tied in a side-ponytail, pale yellowish skin with golden scales along the left side of his face, and pointed ears pierced with hooped golden earrings. He is wearing a black cloak and a crown of yellow flowers on his head. His eyes are hidden by shadow, except for his right eye, which is simplified to a glowing yellow circle. His expression is angry, with his teeth gnarled to show one fang. The background is a gradient of black to yellow from top to bottom.

The far-right panel shows a headshot of Remus. His hair and skin-tone are identical to Roman’s, although his skin is lightly-tinged green and his ears are pointed. His right eye is a bright, radioactive-green, and his left eye is bright red and smaller than the right one. Both eyes are glowing slightly. He is wearing his canon outfit, although the eyes are absent from his sleeves. He is holding a morning star. His expression looks crazed and blood-thirsty. The background of this panel is light green with white action lines spreading outward from behind Remus.]

[purplecrayonismine]

Hey guys!! We will host a sanders sides big bang again this year!!! Hope to see you there if you want to participate!!!!

Hey guys!!! Currently working on bringing you all the Thomas Sanders Sides big bang once again this summer! We will open sign ups midway thru May! Stay tuned :D!

[dystopiagnome]

Kinda exciting to be first group to stuff in the @sandersidesbigbang this year! Check out @talking4the1’s art piece for the story as well!

Also the exchange in paragraph 20-21 in chapter one lives rent free in my head constantly. Not any five hours go by without thinking about "with a 'goodnight,' preferably.” The story at the moment is one chapter and good god, is it a chapter!!!

Story Title: The Five Stages of Losing Roman

Author: @thecrowslullaby

Characters: Logan

[Rating: Mature

[ID:] [A digital drawing done primarily in greyscale parodying The Magician tarot card with Logan standing in place of the Magician over a light gray grave. Logan is looking to the side and he is wearing a button down with a loose tie, a coat, and a darker cloak over it as he holds a shovel that's primarily off screen. In the background there is a full moon hovering in the top left and there is a dark blue gradient coming down. Overlaying the image is undersaturated red flowers and vines. The Roman numeral for one (1) is on the very top center of the image and in the center bottom in the white cut off is “The Magician” both handwritten.]

[rosepetalgold]

all the silver stolen (will one day turn to gold) 5

Summary: Roman offers an explanation and Janus finds himself facing a life-changing choice.

Warnings: One suggestive joke courtesy of Remus, fear of abandonment

Word Count: 5557

Read on Ao3 Masterpost

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start - previous - you’re here! - next

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“Roman claims he wasn’t responsible for any of it,” Remus declares without preamble the next morning as they all pile around the table for breakfast, Virgil only half awake and Remus clearly not having slept a wink. “The traitor guards, the attack, me being left for dead, any of it.”

Janus scoffs, rolling his eyes, but Remus plows on without waiting for him to snark a comment about Roman’s trustworthiness or decided lack thereof.

“He claims the whole thing was part of a larger coup attempt by a group of power-hungry courtiers who wanted me out of the way so they could put Roman on the throne and use him as a puppet king they could manipulate to further their own agenda. Apparently they orchestrated a concurrent attack on the castle from the inside to try and get rid of as many loyal advisors as possible, then insisted they were only acting in self-defense and that I was the one responsible for inciting all the chaos and carnage, that I was the one trying to get Roman out of the way. They showed him all these falsified documents ‘proving’ my involvement and how I’d committed the highest of treason, told him I’d been killed in the insurgency and that my body was unable to be recovered, gave him my royal ring as proof of my death, and he just—believed it. He says he has all the original documentation and letters and whatnot that back up his story back at the palace, but in his letter he lays out all the details of why he trusted them and how he learned what they really did and the ways he’s made sure they’re all out of the palace now, and it all sounds legit. He swears up and down that he didn't have anything to do with me being attacked and that he started looking for me as soon as he heard the first rumor that I might not really be dead.”

“And you believe him?” Virgil asks blearily, a spoonful of gruel paused halfway to his mouth.

“I don’t know,” Remus replies, frustration clear in his voice. “He wants me to meet with him in person to talk and answer any questions.”

Janus laughs, and Remus casts him an odd look.

“Obviously you’re not falling for that.”

Silence, and Janus sits up in his chair, staring Remus down across the table.

“You’re not falling for that, right?”

Remus shrugs, which is definitely not the correct answer.

“I want to hear him defend himself in person, and if I can catch him in a lie then we’ll know his whole story is bullshit.”

Janus doesn’t know what happened after he fell asleep, but apparently it has involved something gnawing on Remus’ brain, because he knows Remus can’t be this naive.

“No,” he says flatly. “This is the perfect setup for some kind of trap. You can’t seriously be entertaining the idea of actually meeting him.”

“I am,” Remus says, a challenge clear in his voice, and Janus bristles.

“What, a week ago you were ready to kill him and now you want to have a friendly chat? Should I whip up some hors d’oeuvres for you to take with you?”

“I’m not committing to anything,” Remus argues right back without missing a beat. “I just want to hear what he has to say in person and see if it aligns with what’s in his ridiculously long letter. It’s not like I’m falling all over myself to be all buddy-buddy with him again.”

“That’s sure as hell not what it sounds like!”

“I’m going,” Remus says decidedly, and there’s a stubborn, flinty look in his eyes that Janus knows from experience means he isn’t going to change his mind. “You can either stay here with your delicate little pantaloons all in a twist or you and Virgil can come with me just in case things go sideways.”

Right, because he and Virgil would surely be excellent bodyguards given their respective injuries. He doesn’t trust that even the two of them together would be able to take down Roman, let alone Logan if the king was smart enough to bring the mage along with him.

“Virgil?” Janus questions, turning his gaze on the other man, who has been unusually quiet through Janus’ and Remus’ back-and-forth. Virgil shrugs, playing with spoonfuls of his breakfast for a moment in a clear excuse to not meet Janus’ gaze.

“We can’t let him go alone,” he finally says. “That idiot is sure to get himself killed without some supervision.”

Betrayed by his own family. Whoever had raised Virgil clearly hadn’t done a good enough job.

(Janus is going to squarely ignore the fact that he himself had been the one to raise Virgil for a good portion of his adolescence. That was entirely irrelevant.)

“Jan?” Remus asks quietly.

“This is a terrible idea,” Janus snaps. “Absolutely horrendous. Truly dredged from the deepest swamps of your brain. But—” 

He blows out a sharp breath, hardly believing he’s about to agree to this hare-brained plan, but staying at home while Remus and Virgil put themselves in harm’s way is simply not an option, even if it means walking headfirst into a trap.

“But I will go as long as you promise me that if any of us have so much as a tingle of a bad feeling, we’ll leave immediately.”

“Deal,” Remus agrees at once.

“Pinkie promise,” Janus insists, holding out his hand, and Remus wraps his finger around Janus’ without hesitation.

“You too,” Janus orders Virgil, who heaves a sigh and rolls his eyes but obligingly latches his pinkie around Janus’ other hand.

“Do you even have to ask?” he grumbles. “Like I wouldn’t be the first to haul both of your asses out of there if anyone starts thinking of any funny business.”

The reassurance does little to calm Janus’ nerves, his stomach twisting with trepidation any time he thinks about the astronomical potential for things to go wrong at their little rendezvous, but he manages to take the slightest bit of comfort in knowing that at any point over the past week Roman could have sent an entire unit of guards to their house and taken the three of them into custody, or just killed all of them outright, but he hasn’t.

A sign of good faith, or simply part of some sinister plan that requires them alive for now?

Janus delivers Remus’ return letter with their proposed meeting spot to Patton that afternoon, slipping it under the door so that he doesn’t have to deal with the bubbly healer, and sure enough, when he stops by again the next morning, there’s a crisp rectangle of parchment that must be Roman’s reply propped neatly against the back door.

Janus can’t help but feel a bit put out at being treated like a damn messenger boy, but it keeps Virgil and Remus out of things a little while longer, so he’ll grit his teeth and put up with tramping over half the city with letters in tow.

To all of their surprise, Roman agrees to Remus’ place and time for the meeting without a counterproposal. Remus seems pleased with such a development. Janus is anything but, the other man��s easy acquiescence only adding to the unsettled feeling humming in his chest. Shouldn’t the king try to gain as much of a strategic advantage as possible? Was he truly stupid enough to not question whether such a meeting may be an ambush, or was he so confident in his ability to overpower Remus that he simply didn’t care?

By the time the three of them head out to scout the location well ahead of their meeting time, Janus feels about ready to vibrate out of his skin, and Virgil is hardly any better, clearly having picked up on Janus’ nervous energy. Remus, at least, seems a bit calmer, but he pauses as they file out of the house, cocking his head like he’s hearing something the two of them can’t.

“Interesting,” he mutters, which is not one of Janus’ favorite words to hear from Remus considering it normally precipitated some experiment going horribly wrong.

“Care to share?” he questions, unable to keep the edge out of his tone, and Remus shakes his head, hurrying to catch up to them.

“There’s a spell on the house.”

Fucking stars. Janus just couldn’t get a damn break.

“I knew that mage would do something, that little—”

“Wardings,” Remus interrupts him.

“Now is not the time for making up words for the hell of it, Re.”

“No, the spell on the house. It’s a warding, a fancy protection spell. It’s not malicious or dangerous at all, except maybe if you were a robber and then it might tangle up your intestines from the inside or something.”

Of course, because that made perfect sense. Who better for Logan to protect than the thief who’d tried to steal his coin purse and the man who’d nearly killed his king?

“Wardings,” Remus mumbles to himself, eyes unfocused like he’s lost in thought.

“This meeting is a bad idea,” Janus implores one last time, clinging to the feeble hope that this latest development might be enough for Remus to see some sense, but the other man doesn’t even seem to hear him, just shoves his hands into his pockets and sets off down the street.

One day Janus’ family would actually listen to him. Clearly not today.

“Most of our ideas are,” Virgil quips, grabbing one of Janus’ elbows and tugging him forward. “Come on, we gotta make sure Remus doesn’t get himself killed.”

~~~

It’s a long time they scout the abandoned building Remus has chosen for their meeting spot, watching for signs of anything amiss or the guards Remus had told his brother not to bring. For once, Janus almost wishes they would appear, just so he could have an excuse to drag Remus and Virgil out of such an utterly foolish situation.

But it’s just Roman who shows up, right on time, Logan and Patton in tow. Evenly matched, then, by numbers if not ability of force.

Patton seems more subdued than usual, undoubtedly remembering how things went the last time all six of them were in one room, although he still smiles and waves at them like they’re old friends. Logan is expressionless, not giving anything away, but there’s an unmistakable tension in the lines of his body and his silver gaze is sharp as ever as he appraises the three of them. And Roman looks like he’s caught somewhere between cheering and bursting into tears, staring at Remus like he’s never seen him before and never will again.

“Start explaining,” Remus says shortly, crossing his arms over his chest. “Everything, from the beginning.”

“Can we, um—can we sit?” Roman asks uncertainly, gesturing to the dusty crates scattered across the floor, and after a moment’s hesitation Remus nods, perching on the edge of one of the boxes, although Janus doesn’t miss the way his hand stays casually resting atop the hilt of his sword.

The king settles onto his own makeshift seat, beginning to talk, something about the coup and forged documents and traitors, but despite the curiosity flickering at the edges of his mind, Janus hardly hears it. It’s Remus’ job to listen; Janus’ is to keep the three of them alive.

Logan and Patton have stepped up behind Roman, flanking him on either side, mirroring Janus’ and Virgil’s own position behind Remus, and Janus takes a moment to evaluate them more thoroughly. Neither have any visible weapons, although considering the fact that Janus has no fewer than three blades hidden on his person, he doesn’t doubt that they have something stashed under their clothes.

It’s not like they even need knives, though, not really, not when they have Logan. It’s not a comforting thought. Janus knows from painfully personal experience how to defend himself in a knife fight, but he’s pretty sure even his dirtiest fighting tricks aren’t going to help him against a bolt of magic burning him from the inside out.

Not that any of them need to know that he’s concerned, of course. He edges back enough to lounge against one of the wooden support pillars, crossing his arms over his chest in his best attempt at nonchalance, and stares down Logan, willing every fiber of his being to communicate I’m not threatened by you despite that he is, in fact, very threatened by the other man. 

Logan returns the favor, those eerie silver eyes occasionally flickering to Remus or Virgil or Roman but always returning to meet Janus’ stare, his spine perfectly straight and hands tucked neatly behind his back, meeting Janus’ gaze like it’s a challenge he already knows he’s going to win. The mage is unnervingly impassive, but Janus isn’t stupid enough to let his guard down even a fraction; the scratches on Logan’s face may have healed, but he’s sure the other man hasn’t forgotten who gave them to him.

He’s so focused on making sure none of them will be smote into dust without warning, watching for the slightest twitch of Logan’s face or turn of his shoulder to indicate some imminent spell, that he all but tunes out the conversation between the twins, which isn’t ideal, but then again ideal isn’t a word that has ever been used to describe Janus’ life, so he’ll just grit his teeth and suffer through the hand he’s been dealt.

But even though Remus’ tone verges into blaming or even outright hostile at times, Roman’s never does, so Janus figures things can’t be going too badly, and he trusts that Virgil will alert him if things begin to go sideways without him noticing.

Until then, he’ll continue to stare Logan down. Dangerous work, but someone had to do it.

The meeting drags on late enough into the evening that shadows begin to enshroud them, which is simply wonderful for Janus’ nerves, and by the time they finally part ways a chill has settled into the night air and the first hints of moonlight have begun to paint the streets in pale softness. It’s nothing short of surreal that they’ve all survived the meeting without incurring so much as a scratch, and Janus can’t help but glance over his shoulder every other step as they make their way home, sure at any moment Roman or Logan is going to emerge from the darkness and attack.

But aside from the occasional critter skittering away from their footfalls, the roads remain deserted.

“Congratulations,” Virgil declares dryly as they filter back into the house and he latches the door behind them. “We all made it back in one piece.”

“Barely,” Janus grumbles into a pillow from where he’s collapsed face-first into the mattress. Being on high alert for so long was utterly exhausting. “Did you see the way that mage was looking at all of us? He was plotting something, I could just tell. And those eyes—no one should have silver eyes. That’s just unnatural.”

“So, do you believe him?” Virgil asks, and Janus snorts.

“I wouldn’t believe that man if he told me the grass is green.”

“Not you, you moron,” Virgil chides, kicking lightly at Janus’ legs. “Remus. Do you believe Roman?”

“Kind of.”

Apparently Janus should have been paying less attention to the existential threat posed by Logan and more attention to whatever the hell had been coming out of Roman’s mouth if Remus is falling for whatever bullshit story he’s been fed.

He shoves himself upright, staring at Remus where he’s rummaging through their food stash for something for dinner.

“That’s not a funny joke, Remus.”

“That’s good, because it’s not a joke at all, Janny.”

“You actually trust him?”

“I didn’t say I trusted him. I just said I kind of believe what he’s claiming about there being more to the story than I’d thought. I mean, his version of things sounds reasonable and everything he said checks out as far as I can tell. And he’s my brother.” He punctuates the sentence with a clatter of dishes on the table. “Sure, he was always a royal pain in my ass and ridiculously overdramatic and an insufferable goody two-shoes, but … he’s my brother.”

Janus isn’t entirely sure that counts for anything, given that some shared blood was hardly going to make Remus immune to a sword in the stomach or a blast of mage’s fire, but Remus is still going before he can get a word in edgewise.

“I don’t think he’s lying, for what it’s worth, but then again, he did always like acting and that’s just lying in another form, so maybe he’s just gotten scarily good at making up shit since we were seventeen. What’s your verdict on what my brother dearest had to say?”

“Sounded fine to me, I guess,” Virgil replies, shrugging. “Would have been better if he had stuck to the facts instead of adding in all the embellishing details about himself, but I didn’t hear any major holes in his story.”

“Janus?” Remus questions. “You’re the brains of the group. Thoughts?”

Shit.

Janus clears his throat, smoothing his hands over the blankets.

“I may not have been listening.”

Virgil and Remus both stare at him.

“You went on and on about how convinced you were that this was some kind of trap and then you got there and just decided to zone out?” Virgil asks incredulously, and Janus bristles.

“I would hardly call making sure you weren’t incinerated by a mage ‘zoning out,’ darling.”

“Don’t call me ‘darling’.”

“Okay, sweetie.”

“You little—”

“Don’t fight,” Remus interrupts. “Bloodstains are fun and all, but not when I have to get them out of the sheets. I’ll catch you up before tomorrow night, Jan.”

That, at least, Janus had heard—Roman asking them to meet again the next day, at the same time and place, to continue their discussion, and Remus, unbelievably, agreeing.

“Here,” Remus says, handing them two bowls and mugs of tea before settling on the mattress with Janus, Virgil perching on the edge of the table. “And I have a favor to ask you.”

“You know how much I adore favors.”

“Next time, do more than stare at the hot mage?”

Janus chokes on his tea, spluttering as he socks Remus in the arm, which only sets him to cackling, and Virgil snorts in amusement into his dinner.

“That is not—”

“Come on, you’re telling me you stared down Mr. Silver and Serious all night and you didn’t once wonder what he could do with those magic hands in bed?”

“I swear to the stars—”

“Relax, snakey. I just wanted to know if you would actually participate, since you’re the one with all the brain cells. If any of us can catch Roman in a lie, it’s you.”

Clearly he was the one with the brain cells, if Remus thought he’d been checking out the walking death threat that was Logan.

“I will do whatever you want as long as you swear to never refer to Logan as ‘the hot mage’ ever again.”

Remus grins, all sharp teeth and sparkling eyes.

“You really want me to make a promise just so I can break it?”

“Insufferable,” Janus grumbles, but he can’t help but agree to Remus’ request. If he can find something off in Roman’s story, it’ll send the whole thing crumbling down and they’ll finally have proof not to trust the king, and Janus wants nothing more than to put this whole thing behind them.

The three of them are up late into the night, first while Remus reads the entirety of Roman’s letter aloud so that Janus can hear it, stopping occasionally to add his own perspective or notes about various things, then while he and Virgil recount everything they can remember from the meeting. Over and over again, both in writing and in person, Roman has sworn that he had nothing to do with Remus being attacked, that the real culprits had been those who’d staged the coup as an internal power grab, that he’d been trying to make things right ever since he’d learned the truth. And as loath as Janus is to admit it, Remus is right: It does all sound convincing, and even picking Roman’s story apart from every angle he can think of, he can only come up with a few potential holes.

Not that the lack of evidence of Roman lying means that Janus is convinced of his claims, nor that he’s going to let the king off easy. Despite being so exhausted that he’s running on nerves and spite alone, he joins Remus the next evening in grilling Roman on everything imaginable at their second meeting, trying to corner him into contradicting himself, but although the royal clearly doesn’t appreciate being interrogated by Janus, his story doesn’t waver.

If the people involved in the coup had truly wanted power, why hadn’t they tried to kill Roman as well and taken the throne for themselves? They’d wanted control and influence without having to deal with the burden of royal responsibilities, and they surely hadn’t wanted to go through the messy process of determining the rightful heir, especially when it wouldn’t have been any of them, so a puppet king was their best option.

Why had Roman believed Remus was a traitor? He hadn’t at first, but everyone around him—people he’d known for years, people he’d trusted—had been unwavering in their insistence Remus had been plotting treason, and they’d provided substantial proof of their claims in the form of forged documents and falsified testimony.

Why hadn’t he realized he was being manipulated sooner? He hadn’t been used to being the one officially in charge and had immediately found himself struggling to deal with the massive power shift resulting from the coup, not to mention the fact that he’d been blinded with grief thinking Remus was dead, all of which rendered him simply too overwhelmed to untangle the web of lies he’d been fed.

Each and every one of Janus’ questions and accusations, readily met with a plausible explanation by the king.

A truly phenomenal turn of events. Janus is just so glad that Roman’s story is holding up and all of them are entangled in this mess a little longer.

Equally concerning is the gradual shift in Remus’ and Virgil’s attitude towards the others. Patton begins sneaking sweets to Virgil when he thinks Janus isn’t looking, and Virgil—the traitor—readily accepts them. By the third meeting the twins’ conversation branches out beyond coups and conspiracies, and by the fourth Remus actually snorts with laughter when Roman cracks a joke.

The four of them clearly aren’t quite comfortable around each other, but their interactions have lost the edge of wariness and distrust that still plague Logan and Janus, who still spend most of their time together eying the other like he’s about to go after the others with murderous intent.

Ironic how the two of them were the only ones with any sense.

Given the amicable air that has fallen over the rest of the group, perhaps Janus shouldn’t be surprised when at the end of their fourth meeting Roman has the audacity to catch Remus’ arm in his grip as they’re leaving. Janus hisses through his teeth, fingers already on his knife hilt, but Virgil sets a hand on his arm, a silent request to stand down.

“Have you thought about my question?” Roman asks, and Remus hesitates a moment before nodding, gaze cutting to Janus and Virgil.

“I’m still deciding.”

Question? What question?

“Just think about it,” Roman says. “The offer still stands.”

Oh, fuck no. Anything that involved Roman and an offer of any kind was bad news.

But Remus just nods again, clapping his brother on the shoulder before striding back to Janus and Virgil, throwing an arm around both of them and shepherding them out the door.

“Come on, let’s go home.”

Janus scowls, squirming out from under Remus’ arm as they emerge into the evening.

“What was that about?”

Remus hesitates, and for a moment Janus thinks he isn’t going to reply at all.

“He asked if I would go back to the castle with him. In his original letter. He said I could do whatever I want there, whether it’s taking back the throne or co-ruling with him or just living the high life at some fancy summer estate.”

Well, Remus had certainly forgotten to include that when he’d been reading it to Janus.

“Good riddance to him, then,” Janus snorts, but Remus doesn’t respond, just kicks a rock down the street, the other man uncharacteristically quiet the whole way back to their house.

Hopefully his silence meant he was doing a bit of overdue reflecting on the whole Roman situation and realizing how absurd it all was.

“Go back with him,” Janus scoffs later that evening, prodding at the smoldering logs in the fireplace from where he’s sitting on the floor. He doesn’t believe Roman’s proclaimed good intentions for a moment. Long-lost brothers did not simply show up out of the blue with the sole intention of escorting their twin and his street urchin friends back to a life of opulence and ease just for the hell of it. “Does he honestly think you’re that naive? There’s no way Roman is offering to take you back, let alone give up his throne for you, without some major catch. This whole thing stinks of a trap, and obviously he has to have some kind of ulterior motive—”

“Maybe there’s not.”

Janus pauses, arching an eyebrow at Virgil.

“Excuse me?”

“Maybe there’s not some nefarious plan,” Virgil says, tone creeping towards defensive even as he crosses his arms and levels a look just shy of a glare at Janus. “Roman hasn’t hurt us. He left us those gold coins so we could actually have enough to eat for once. He had Logan put those protection spells around the house. He’s conceded to all our requests for the meetings. He’s explained everything to Remus. Why would he do any of that if he just wanted to hurt us?”

“Yes, of course you’re smart enough to be able to detect any sophisticated scheming, Virgil. I’m sure there’s no way a literal king could outsmart you.”

Virgil’s look descends fully into a glare.

“Just because you’re so jaded that you can’t see any good in people doesn’t mean it’s not there. You’re not always right, Janus.”

“Me being jaded is precisely the reason the three of us are still alive, but I’m so sorry it’s turned out to be such a terrible inconvenience for you.”

“Would you get off your high horse for once in your fucking life? It’s not even your decision what to do, it’s Remus’.”

That, at least, was true, and Janus turns to the other man.

“Re?”

Silence for a long moment, Remus refusing to meet his gaze, and Janus’ stomach twists. Come on, Remus, don’t make me knock some sense into your skull.

“I don’t know,” he says finally, voice unusually quiet. “I don’t think he has anything up his sleeve. I mean, I still don’t trust him like when we were kids, but Virgil’s right. He hasn’t done anything to harm any of us, and why would he bother explaining everything if this is all some trick? He would never have the patience for a long con like that, anyway.”

Stars above. His two roommates might be idiots half the time, but they were certainly smarter than this.

“Remus—”

“I want to go back with him,” Remus bursts out, only to bite his lip like he hadn’t meant to say it, but when he speaks again his tone has an unmistakable edge of defiance in it. “I am going back with him. I’ve already decided.”

No.

Cold fear snaps at Janus’ blood, almost strong enough to eclipse the shock of Remus’ words. This can’t be happening, it can’t—

“You’re just going to leave us behind?”

“What? No, Jan, of course not. I’m only going on the condition that you two can come with me, and there’s no way Roman can say no to that. He has a lot to feel guilty about, and I’m certainly not above leveraging that guilt into a good life for all of us. You’re both free to make your own choice about going, of course—free will and all that jazz—but come on. You’ve wanted something more than this life for forever, and here’s your chance! Do you really want to keep stealing for the rest of your life until you inevitably get caught again and have a hot date with the gallows, or would you rather live in the lap of luxury with anything you could ever want right at your fingertips? ”

“No, I just—I want—”

I want the three of us to stay here. I want us all to stick together. I want to go back in time and never try to steal from Logan and I want Roman to have stayed home and I want to wake up and have all of this just be one terrible nightmare.

But for once his silver tongue fails him and he can’t get the words out as panic drags icy fingers down his spine, images of himself struggling to support Virgil flashing through his head, the two of them slowly starving with their trio reduced to a duo.

Remus can’t leave.

He turns to Virgil, desperate for some support, but the other man just shrugs.

“This life fucking sucks. I’m tired of living in poverty and stealing to get by and worrying all the time that one of us is going to be caught or killed. Roman might be a bit full of himself and Logan may be a little intimidating, but they don’t seem dangerous, and Patton is nice enough. What’s the worst that could happen? If Remus is going, I’m in.”

No. No, no, no. Janus has already lost his first family. He can’t lose his second one too.

Remus must read something on his face, a hint of the fear and panic and betrayal churning in his gut, because he reaches out for him, defiant expression crumpling.

“Jan—”

Janus jerks away from his touch, staggering upright and stumbling backwards.

“No. No! You can’t just leave. What am I supposed to do here by myself?”

“I don’t want you to be alone, that’s why I’m asking you to come with us—”

“This is absolutely ridiculous. What, you’re both fully ready to drop everything, completely abandon the life we’ve built here, all for the unproven promises of someone Remus was ready to kill a fortnight ago? Why don’t you ever listen to me when I say something is off about this?”

“Please, Janus.” Remus’ voice is hoarse, breaking ever so slightly on the words, face distraught as he stares up at him from the floor. “I don’t want to leave you behind, but I can't stay here either. Please just trust me.”

“I can’t, I can’t—”

He can’t speak, can’t think, can’t breathe around the lump in his throat, and he needs to get out.

He snatches his cloak from beside the door, evading Virgil’s hand as he swears and makes a grab for him.

“Don’t follow me,” he rasps, and flees into the night.

~~~

It’s late-verging-into-early when he finally makes his way back home after wandering the streets, exhausted from struggling to work through the convoluted knot of emotions that has woven tightly between his ribs and taken up a stranglehold on his heart.

He’s made marginal progress, he concludes as he slides down the front of the house, pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms around them, even if the sting of betrayal still lingers. At least he can actually think again.

He hasn’t wavered from his conviction that leaving with Roman is a terrible idea, that there are malicious motives underpinning the king’s desire for his twin to return to Sidera, despite both Remus and Virgil insisting otherwise. Fairy tale endings where everyone lived happily ever after simply didn’t happen in real life, and they especially didn’t happen to Janus, even if an outcast prince being reunited with his long-lost brother was something straight out of a fanciful legend.

Please just trust me.

Trusting Remus isn’t the problem. Trusting Roman is another matter entirely, and it’s not something Janus is remotely prepared to risk. 

But—

—but Remus and Virgil are his family. Where they go, he goes, even if it’s into the lion’s den.

He blows out a long breath, tipping his head back to stare up at the stars shimmering over the city, their light slowly being eclipsed by the dull beginnings of dawn.

He’s going to regret this.

He stands, dusting himself off, and pulls the door open with fingers that have long since gone numb from the chill. Virgil and Remus are both still up, sitting in silence by the fire with two steaming mugs in front of them, and Remus stands as Janus comes in, looking like he’s bracing for the worst.

Janus nudges the door shut behind him, shrugging off his cloak and folding it neatly over one arm as he meets Remus’ gaze.

“When do we leave?”

---

Taglist (let me know if you'd like to be added or removed!): @joylessnightsky

[reverse-moon]

How Reckless (Intruality) ═SOULMATE AU═ || Sanders Sides Big Bang 2022

By Artist_Hope; beta read by @edupunkn00b and @kaythegay2022; art by @dystopiagnome and @im-an-anxious-wreck

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

AO3 Link!!

Pairing(s): Intruality, Prinxiety, Loceit, Remile

AU: Soulmate, but extra

Chapter: 1/4

Chapter word count: 1052

Summary: In a world where soulmates are assigned through various methods, Patton Morgan gets stuck with the more annoying "wound soulmate" assignment. Anytime his Soulmate, a Remus Duke, gets hurt, he feels and receives a matching wound. And it's /very/ annoying since Remus doesn't seem to mind pain and gets hurt a lot.

Remus Duke, his brother, Roman Prince, and his best friend, Janus Drake, are all looking for their soulmates. When they get to St Louis, Missouri, they end up with the best luck, finding all three. And Remus (despite his attempts to change that) doesn't think Patton likes him. Probably because he's pretty upset about the years of pain he's endured from Remus.

✨✨TLDR: Remus visits St Louis, Missouri to find Patton, his soulmate who has dealt with over 4 years of pain from reckless Re, and has to find a way to make up for it :')✨✨

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『The Thomas Sanders Sides Big Bang - 2022』

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Patton winced as his arm flared up in a sharp slice of pain. Remus Duke had done something to his arm. This wasn't the first time. After all, his Soulmate carved his name and a greeting in his arm not long after they noticed the connection.

The Morgan had gotten used to the concept of this Remus Duke getting hurt often. However, it didn't mean he had to like it. It sucked that there wasn't any way to actually communicate other than carving an address or his cell number into his body. And despite his efforts, none of the other Remus Dukes he’d ever found (not that there were many) were as banged up as Patton was.

It had come to his knowledge that the 3 Remus Dukes with the Physical Danger connection in his town were all very careful to avoid hurting their soulmates. And just from talking to them, apparently the name Remus was rarely given to people who had the last name Duke. Something about being too mafia-like? He didn't understand it really.

Needless to say, they were not his soulmates. And his was getting him nowhere.

He looked at his arm, seeing a rather surface gash that went down most of his forearm. "Darn it, Remus..." He groaned, getting up from the garden and walking inside. He was very tempted to prick his finger on the rose bush near the door but figured it wasn't worth it. No sense in being petty.

He moved to the bathroom and grabbed the first aid kit, sighing and starting to clean the wound. It would have been much easier were-

"We're back, Pat."

Oh, thank the lords of well-timed conveniences. "In the bathroom." Patton cleaned the wound as he heard the two come closer. Glancing up in the mirror, he saw Virgil and Logan Nyx come in.

"Again? Doesn't your Soulmate know the meaning of the word caution?" Virgil asked. Patton just shrugged as Logan moved to get the bandage wraps. "One time. All you gotta do is let Logan hit you once, and he'll learn."

"No! Being petty isn't gonna do anything, Virgil..." Patton really hated having this conversation. "How was your Brothers’ Day?"

Logan shrugged. "It went well. The My Chemical Romance reunion signing was actually quite fun and Virgil was quite thrilled at the Bioluminescence Exhibit at the museum." He started to wrap the wound.

"I like the natural glowy colours!" Virgil added, kind of using a defensive tone. "They're calming." He sat on the bathroom counter, grumbling. "Anyway, Pat, you're gonna have to get hurt so he learns to be more careful eventually. For all you know, you'll never meet him. And you both might get too hurt for help if he doesn't learn."

Honestly, as much as Patton hated to admit it, Virgil had a point. Remus was certainly reckless enough to get both himself and Patton killed. It wasn't unheard of. "I'll do it later when my arm isn't threatening to bleed," he said, not promising anything. "For now, I just want to finish gardening and make dinner."

“I do find it worrisome that you don’t seem as concerned as you should be about the amount of pain you receive over 3 days, Patton,” Logan said, finishing up with the dressing of the wound. “Just in the time we’ve been your housemates, you have received about 10 different wounds within 3 days as the top number. That’s at least 6,085 times in the 5 years we have been housemates if my calculations are correct.”

“Why would you calculate that?” Patton muttered, moving out of the bathroom to go back outside and at least finish his tulip gardening.

“Because I worry. We’ve known you for 13 years. Your soulmate seems to have been this reckless since you were 16 and received the connection to him, which if my math is correct and we’re using 10 wounds for every 3-day stretch as our base, equals at the very least 12,170 wounds to present. It’s a wonder you both are not dead already,” Logan said.

“You also forget he can calculate a lot of tough math in his head fast,” Virgil reminded Patton. “Besides, you don’t know anything about your soulmate. He could be a drug addict, or a dealer, or… Or some sort of mafia member!” Virgil put a hand on Patton’s shoulder. “You really should see about getting some extra protection.”

He hated this feeling the two brothers gave him. They never meant to, but it always happened. It didn’t surprise him that it happened with a wound this bad—it happened with less. But it didn’t make it any less annoying. “Thank you for the concern, Virgil, Logan. But I trust Remus to not die, even if he does worry me with how often he gets hurt. I’m sure he isn’t that reckless."

Logan and Virgil sighed, going back inside and leaving him alone. And as thankful as Patton was for that, he was very upset at the information he was given. Over 12,000 wounds within the ten years he's been connected to Remus. Hell, he didn't even know if they were compatible. It made no sense to him that he could even be… Then again, thinking back? No one thought he and the Nyx twins would work as friends.

Patton was 13 when he met Logan and Virgil for the first time. The twin brothers were quite different from what Patton had grown used to seeing. Logan was quiet and reserved—if he wasn't talking about his studies, and Virgil was timid, hardly ever seen talking unless it was through an app or his brother. It surprised everyone when the three became the best of friends. On Patton's actual 16th birthday, they were the first to help him with the carved words in his arm, not even three hours after he hit his face on a door because he didn't pay attention.

Despite all the pain and wounds he received, Logan and Virgil were always there for him and Patton was so thankful for that. They never left his side unless they had to. He had been given a place to stay, rent-free. And they were consistently willing to help him when things went wrong. They refused to let him suffer.

[sleepless-stories]

Falling Through AUs || 2

Breaking Out

AO3 Link

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

@sandersidesbigbang  

Summary: Roman and Remus find themselves in a cafe, their friends are all around them but act as part of the place and don’t know them. So Roman and Remus work out how to escape, remembering times when they broke in as kids to an identical cafe. 

Warnings: Death Mentioned

Beta Read By: @dragonsaphirareads

Check out the art connected to this chapter      @windowsillwren art 

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A soft bell chimed above Roman’s head, he felt something wood against his hand. Though everything was just so bright, he couldn’t see anything as he stepped forward. 

Slowly his eyes began adjusting to the lack of light compared to before and he saw himself in a… in a cafe? The scent of coffee invaded his senses as he entered. 

Virgil sat at the counter with a warm cup of tea in front of him. 

Patton stood at the coffee counter about to order something. 

Janus was sitting with Remus with papers between them seemingly studying. 

Logan stood behind the counter looking down at the cash register. 

It was only then Roman realized, everyone was wearing distinctly different clothing from the ship’s uniform of black pants and a white jacket that had black sides and black cuffs around the wrists. Even Remus was in a different outfit from his co-captain outfit that was almost like the regular uniform but with green sides and orange stripes showing his rank on his cuffs. 

They were all wearing clothes that Roman could only think of as their normal civilian clothes. Virgil sat wearing black pants with a black hoodie that had some different purple plaid patches covering it, Remus was wearing dark obscenely ripped jeans with a green tank top that had rips and tears all over it. With him Janus was wearing black dress pants, a black button down, black vest, all with some gold accents. Patton was wearing khakis, a light blue shirt with a weird cat pun and a cardigan over his shoulders. Logan seemed to be wearing a white apron with a nametag on it, over black pants and shirt.

Looking down at himself, Roman saw he was also wearing a different outfit, usually his outfit was like Remus’ co-captain outfit but instead of green sides his were red. But here he was wearing some darker pants with a red shirt, the outfit was a bit more plain than anything he usually wore as a civilian. 

“Are you ready to order?” Logan’s voice cut through Roman’s thoughts. 

Patton stared at Logan nodding, “Just give me another moment.” 

“If you’re not ready to order please step to the side so someone else can order.” 

“Oh… um… ok…” Patton nodded looking up at the menu. 

Roman quickly walked over to Patton, “Patton!”

“Roman!” Patton gasped hugging him. 

“What’s going on?” Roman asked, pulling away after a moment. 

Patton looked at him a bit sideways, “What do you mean? We’re at the Busy Bean, are you feeling ok? You said you wanted to meet me here…”

Roman shook his head stepping away from him and looked around the room, “Guys! What the fuck!” 

Virgil looked up confused before looking back at his table. 

Patton gasped, “You shouldn't shout such obscenities in a public place!” 

Remus looked up from his table and quickly got up, going over to Roman, “Why was I just having some sort of freaking meet cute with Janus?” He asked quietly. 

Roman looked at him taking a deep breath, “I have no clue… but… I don’t think they remember anything. It’s like they… they’re just blank slates or diluted versions of themselves.”

Remus shook his head, “This has to be a joke right? We were just in the ship-”

“We were about to… die… and now we’re-”

“At a freaking cafe.” Remus shook his head laughing a bit before going over to the front door to try and get out. But the door wouldn’t budge, it wouldn't move at all when he tried pushing on it… and when he reached for the door handle it was like it wasn’t there, the door was but a wall, painted to be a way out. 

Remus turned quickly to Roman, panicked, “We can’t leave. The door… there is no door.” he laughed, his voice shaking a bit as he spoke. 

Roman ran glaring “What are you talking about?” He asked grabbing for the door handle only to hit a flat wall. “Shit.”

Remus nodded and banged against the door trying to figure out anything, trying to escape this place, it made no sense why they were here at all. 

“Where was it Patton said we are?” Roman mumbled quietly, leaning his forehead against the door. 

“I don’t know! I wasn’t the one he was talking to.”

Roman nodded, taking a deep breath and closed his eyes thinking, “Busy bean.” he said after a few moments. 

“Wait… busy bean? You mean the place we used to go to as kids?”

Roman looked at him confused for a moment before nodding, “Yeah? But… we were never here with the others, the place was shut down before we met them.”

“Ok…” Remus nodded thinking, “So we know we’re in a cafe, somewhere back in our hometown. Minutes ago our ship was about to collide with a black hole.”

“Inconclusive… Logan and Janus weren’t sure what it was.”

“It’s a fucking black hole… ok… ok so we just need to figure a way out, right?”

“I mean I guess, but it’s not like that means all our problems will be solved.” Roman laughed, “We could still be about to die if we make it out… or-”

“Don’t you dare suggest that.” Remus growled immediately, cutting him off, “I don’t want to think about that possibility that we already…” he sighed, shaking his head. 

“Yeah whatever, so what’s the idea? We simply walk out of here?” Roman asked, standing up straight looking at Remus.

“I mean do you have any better ideas?”

“Well maybe we’re here for a reason?”

“Oh, like some sort of divine intervention shit? You’re out of your mind.”

“I mean… it is a possibility, we’re not dead after all.” 

Remus shook his head stepping away from the door, he glanced out the window looking out at the dark city, the sky reminding him of being back at the ship with the stars shining brightly. He remembered when they used to go here, nothing at all really changed since then. The place looked exactly the same, so did the city outside of the shop… it was like they stepped right out of a memory. But that was where the memory ended, at their scenery.

Roman glanced around the room again before walking over to the counter that Patton was still standing by thinking of what to order. 

Roman stepped in front of him and sighed, “Hello I'd like to order.” He told Logan he might as well try to get them some drinks while they were here.

“Alright what would you like?” Logan asked, looking up at him. 

“Um, I’ll have a medium sweet tea and a medium chocolate Frappuccino with pineapple.” he said and checked his pockets only to pull out the exact amount from his pocket.”

“Coming right up.” Logan replied bored as he took the money and stepped away to make the drinks.  

Remus walked over and looked at him, “Why are you getting drinks?”

“I just thought… might as well while we’re here.”

“We’re not going to be here for long.” Remus said quickly and glared, “We’re getting out of here.” 

Roman nodded and smiled as Logan gave him their drinks, he turned and handed the Frappuccino to Remus, “I know… I know we’re going to get out of here.” 

Roman went over to a table and sat with his drink, “Remember when we used to come here?”

“Yeah…” Remus nodded and sat across from him. “I used to get us kicked out all the time.” 

Roman nodded sipping his drink, it tasted the same as the last time they were there. “Yeah, we started having to sneak in through the back…” he laughed.

“Because we couldn’t come through the front without them kicking us out immediately…” Remus glanced up at Roman in disbelief. “The back door.” 

“The back door?” Roman asked confused before realizing what he meant and set his drink down. “The back door.” 

Remus quickly got up, ignoring as his cup fell to the ground spilling everywhere. He grabbed Roman's arm, tugging him to the back. 

“Hey! Wait, you can’t go that way!” Logan called out watching as they ran out of the main shop area. 

Roman ran with Remus through the kitchen and employee lounge until they stood at the back door. 

A plain black painted door, with old promotional posters hanging from it. An exit sign hung above it. 

Remus let go of Roman and took a deep breath before reaching for the apparent handle of the door and he grabbed onto it. A sigh of relief escaped him as he gripped it and slowly opened up the door. 

Roman watched him and the door as it opened up. 

Remus threw the door open and stared out into the darkness that stood beyond it. 

“Are you sure this is the way out?”

“We’ll never know until we go through bro.” Remus laughed, smiling. “But we can’t stay here forever.” 

Roman nodded glancing back at the employee lounge of the cafe before looking back out the door. They needed to get back even if they weren’t sure what they were going back to… Roman took a deep breath before stepping through the door. 

Remus watched Roman disappear into the void before following him through it.

[casart]

Even a Snake Cares for a Prince🌹

I had the honour of working with @asoftervirge for this year's @sandersidesbigbang

I am a total sucker for masquerade scenes♡♡ you can read her lovely fic "Even a Snake Cares for a Prince" on ao3☆

[ID] (drawing is split into two panels. In the first panel, Roman is smiling with a gloved hand over his chest, surrounded by subjects from the Imagination. The subjects are void of individual characteristics save for their smiles. Roman himself is wearing a fancy outfit comprised of white puffy sleeves, a red vest with gold trimming, a white jabot collar and a red lace masquerade mask. The words "Seething shadows, breathing lies" are written beneath the panel.)

(In the second panel, Janus is wandering through a crowd of the smiling, void subjects. He holds a glass of red wine in a gloved hand. He is also dressed in all black; a large yellow bow tied about his high collar and a yellow rose adorning his hat. He is wearing a black volto mask; the left side decorated in yellow patterns, the mouth also yellow is curled into a permanent smirk. The words "You can fool any friend who ever knew you" is written beneath the panel.)