#Samson en Marie

[hetwolvenalarm]

Michiel de Meyer als Brandweerman Bill Marie

[tournevole]

La tarasque est un monstre hybride qui vit sur les berges du Rhône. C'est à Tarascon que l'histoire autour du monstre s'est écrite. "C'est une légende inventée pour transmettre un message à la population. Il faut se méfier du Rhône qui peut déborder, faire chavirer les bateaux, inonder, les enfants peuvent se noyer. La tarasque incarne les dangers du fleuve. Ce sont des mythes qui se retrouvent dans toutes les cultures" nous dit Aurélie Samson, directrice du museon Arlaten.

Sainte-Marthe la victorieuse

Selon la tradition chrétienne, l’histoire commence lorsque Marthe, sœur de Marie Madeleine, arrive de Palestine au cours du 1er siècle pour évangéliser la région. En remontant le Rhône, elle s’arrête à Tarascon et y trouve des villageois terrorisés : un monstre hante les bords du fleuve. Ce dragon amphibie à six pattes, couvert d’une carapace de tortue hérissée de piquants et armé de griffes et de dents, dévore bêtes et gens. Rejointe par Sainte Marthe, la tarasque finit par se soumettre et la foule s’empresse de la mettre à mort. Marthe devient alors la patronne de la ville. La légende dit que Tarascon doit son nom à l'animal...

Une tradition provençale du Roi René

Au 15e siècle, le roi René d'Anjou hérite du royaume de Provence et vient y séjourner. Le 14 avril 1474, il institue les « Jeux et courses de la Tarasque » et fonde l'ordre des chevaliers de la Tarasque de manière à ce que les fêtes soient maintenues dans la durée. Elles doivent être célébrées au moins sept fois par siècle, faire grand tintamarre, noces, farandoles et festins durant cinquante jours, faire aux étrangers le meilleur accueil et les régaler pendant toute la durée des courses à plaisir et à volonté.

Le lundi de Pentecôte, une procession singulière à laquelle se mêle une foule en liesse, associe alors une effigie de la bête et ses chevaliers que l'on appelle tarascaires. On attribue également au roi René la forme définitive de l'effigie. Comme le dit la légende ; elle est un monstre à tête de lion avec crinière noire, carapace de tortue, armée de crocs et de dards, dents de lézard, ventre de poisson, queue de reptile, jetant par les naseaux de longues traînées d'étincelles produites par des fusées et à l'intérieur six hommes pour la porter. Les tarascaires animent une Tarasque qui balance sa queue, pouvant estropier les passants. Les fêtes engendrent pourtant un engouement populaire très fort malgré le danger. Manifestations de confréries et exaltation des métiers, cette tradition provençale a survécu jusqu’à la fin du 19e siècle.

[yes-bernie-stuff]

Le pouvoir de la soumission (1) 29/07/2023 “Soumettez-vous les uns aux autres dans la crainte du Christ ; ainsi les femmes à leur mari, comme au Seigneur.” Ep 5. 21-22 Le sujet de la soumission de la femme à son mari est l’un des sujets brûlants qui divisent des communautés chrétiennes ! Certains (surtout les hommes) sont de l’opinion que la Bible impose aux femmes chrétiennes d’obéir à leurs maris parce que ceux-ci sont les chefs de famille. D’autres (surtout les femmes) rétorquent que la Bible, écrite il y a au moins 2000 ans se réfère à une époque et une culture spécifique qui nous sont étrangères, et que ce concept favorise, au sein du mariage, les abus de toutes sortes. La première chose à accepter, c’est que la Bible est la parole de Dieu, qui est le même hier, aujourd’hui et éternellement. Avons-nous donc le droit de récuser une partie de Sa parole, simplement parce que certaines phrases nous hérissent le poil ? Juli Slattery, docteur en psychologie clinique et chrétienne, a écrit un texte fascinant expliquant comment elle est parvenue à comprendre, au sein de son propre mariage, le concept de soumission. Elle fait remarquer que le mot soumission en grec ne signifie pas obéissance aveugle. Soumission est un terme militaire qui implique que les troupes d’élite d’une armée doivent accepter l’autorité de celui ou ceux qui dirigent leur mission. Elle déclare : “La soumission ne renvoie pas à un problème de faiblesse, mais plutôt de contrôle de pouvoir… Dieu a créé la femme en lui conférant un pouvoir subtil certes mais indéniable dans ses rapports avec l’homme. Réfléchissez-y : l’homme le plus fort de tous les temps, Samson, l’homme le plus sage qui ait jamais vécu, Salomon et l’homme le plus cher au cœur de Dieu, David, tous les trois ont été dominés par le pouvoir de femmes. Certes, dans une direction négative, mais Dieu a créé la femme pour qu’elle utilise son pouvoir dans une direction positive…” Le pouvoir de la femme peut construire ou détruire, comme Salomon l’explique : “Une femme sage construit sa famille, mais une femme stupide peut la détruire” (Pr 14. 1). L’apôtre Pierre conseille aussi aux femmes chrétiennes de se soumettre à leurs maris, même non-chrétiens, car leur pouvoir, exprimé sous bien des formes peut conduire leur mari à Christ.

[carolemm]

Avant première du film « Le Déluge » en présence de Guillaume Canet.

J’avais dans ma mémoire cinématographique l’image de Louis XVI par Jean François Balmer, dorénavant je penserai aussi à Guillaume Canet.

Un film pesant et difficile psychologiquement sur la dernière année de la famille Capet emprisonnée à la tour du temple.

Une très belle photographie, presque des peintures, un plan séquence mémorable avec le bourreau Samson, une Mélanie Laurent très digne en Marie Antoinette, bref une réussite.

[daimonclub]

Christmas Jokes

Christmas amusing stories Christmas jokes, funny and amusing jokes and hilarious very short stories for everyone to tell to your family and friends during your Christmas holidays Nul mieux que Charlie ne sait que la joke n’est pas une plaisanterie. C’est un devoir et une obligation. C’est le plus délicat des artisanats. La joke est une dictature. Comme l’a dit Rousseau à propos d’autre chose, nous en sommes à la fois souverain et sujet. Nous devons servir la joke. Et ce doit être une servitude volontaire. Charlie Hebdo An Amusing Christmas Try-on Mary-Jo was going to the Christmas office party but needed a new dress. So she went out shopping and in the clothing store she asked the assistant, 'May I try on that dress in the window, please?' 'Certainly not, madam,' responded the salesgirl, 'You'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.' Funny Religious Jokes from Christmas Crackers Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? Samson because he brought the house down. Advent sermon: 'What is hell?' Come early and listen to our carol practice. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. (School boy howler) Something really cheap On Christmas Eve, Mr. John Smith thought it would be nice to buy his wife a little gift for the next day. Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what that present might be' Unable to decide, our hero entered Debenhams and in the cosmetics section he asked the girl, 'How about some perfume?' She showed him a bottle costing £80. 'Too expensive,' muttered Mr. Smith. The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for £50. 'Oh dear,' John groused, 'still far too much.' Growing rather annoyed at Smith's meanness, the sales girl brought out a tiny £10 bottle and offered it to him. John became really agitated, 'What I mean', he whined, 'is I'd like to see something really cheap.' So the sales girl handed him a mirror. Christmas reality Just before Xmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus all got into the lift (elevator) at the Ritz Hotel in London. As the lift travelled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, one-by-one they noticed a £50 note lying on the lift's floor. Which one picked up the £50 note, and handed it in at reception? Santa of course, the other two don't actually exist! A Thoughtful Christmas Gift Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Christmas. 'Yes,' came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.' 'That was very kind of you,' Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.' Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.' Funny Christmas Story about a Turkey Sarah new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, 'Richard doesn't appreciate what I do for him.' 'Now, now,' her mother comforted, 'I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.' 'No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price.' 'Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate,' says her mum. 'Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.' 'No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey. It was the aeroplane ticket.' "Aeroplane ticket..." What did you need an airplane ticket for?' 'Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said: "Prepare from a frozen state," so I flew to Alaska.'

It's Christmas time. Smile! An Amusing and True Christmas Funny Story A seven-year-old boy was stopped by police in northern Germany while trying to plough snow with a front loader he borrowed from his parents' business, authorities have told Will and Guy. Officers on patrol found the boy atop the 3.5-meter-tall excavator after he had cleared the street in the town of Reinfeld and was driving back to the parking lot. The child noticed the police car behind him and stopped immediately. 'He opened the door, got out and admitted immediately that he did not have a driving licence,' the police report said. When asked why he had begun ploughing, he said his father had complained about the state of the roads. He saw the key in the ignition of the vehicle and set off. Police retrieved the key to the loader from the child and returned it, and the boy, to his mother. The Tale of the Traditional Christmas Pudding Martha decided to move with the times and try the delights of microwave cooking. Whereupon, her devoted husband Archie went out and bought her a brand new top-of-the range Sharp Microwave oven. Christmas approached and Martha got out her Christmas pudding recipe and assembled the ingredients. She proceeded along traditional lines and even got the each member of the family to stir the mixture 'for luck'. When Martha consulted the microwave's manual for the cooking time, she could not believe that ten minutes would be enough for a traditional Christmas pudding. Consequently she decided to substitute her normal cooking time of 50 minutes. As Martha was in the lounge watching her favourite T.V. programme she did not see the pudding spitting in the microwave oven, nor did she hear the mini-explosions. When she finally extracted the pudding from the microwave after nearly an hour of cooking on 'High', it smelt of burnt sugar and looked like a ball of tar. Naturally, the Christmas pudding was a disaster, so much so, that Martha could not even prod it with a fork. In fact the black ball stuck to the bottom of the bowl and Archie had to get a screwdriver to prize it from its base. In a fit of pique, Martha threw the shrivelled Christmas pudding to Togo her St Bernard puppy. After a few days she could see the funny side, and Togo loved his new indestructible toy, which amused him until the next Christmas. Santa Visits a Bar Santa Banta goes into a bar in New York. The man on his right orders a drink, 'Johnnie Walker, single.' The man on his left says, 'Jack Daniels, single.' Santa says. 'Santa Singh, married.' Before the Christmas Holiday 'Today we'll relax a little and play a spelling game before we break up for the Christmas holidays,' says Mrs Anand, the primary schoolteacher. Each of you will stand up, tell us your name, what your father does, spell what your father does, and then explain it to us. All right, Jack, you can go first.' Jack stands up and says, 'My name's Jack. My father is a builder, b-u-i-l-d-e-r, and he helps to put up homes.' Funny Christmas Snow Women Mrs Anand says, 'Very good. All right, Dominic, your turn.' Dominic stands says, 'My name's Dominic. My father's a pharmacist, f-a-m... f-a-r-n... f-n...' The teacher, Mrs Anand, says, 'Dominic, you go home tonight and learn how to spell pharmacist. All right, Bobby.' Bobby stands up and says, 'My name's Bobby. My old man is a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he was here, he'd give you five to two odds Dominic won't spell pharmacist by tomorrow.' Kissing under the mistletoe Jennifer was a pretty 18 year old girl. In the week before Christmas she sauntered up to the curtain counter, and was trying to decide which of the many types of tinsel she would buy. Finally, she made her choice and asked the spotty youth who was manning the fabric section. 'How much is this gold tinsel garland'. The spotty youth pointed to the Christmas mistletoe above the counter and said, 'This week we have a special offer, just one kiss per metre'. 'Wow, that's great', said Jennifer, 'I'll take 12 metres'. With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the boy measured out the tinsel, wrapped up the garland, and gave it to Jennifer. She then called to an old man who had been browsing through the Christmas trees and said, 'My Grandpa will settle the bill.' Growing too old Grandpa decided that shopping for Christmas presents had become too difficult. All his grandchildren had everything they needed, so he decided to send them each a cheque (check). On each card he wrote: 'Happy Christmas Grandpa' P.S. 'Buy your own present!' Conclusion: Now, while Grandpa enjoyed the family festivities, he thought that his grandchildren were just slightly distant. It preyed on his mind into the New Year. Then one day he was sorting out his study and under a pile of magazines, he found a little pile of cheques (checks) for his grandchildren. He had completely forgotten to put them in with the Christmas cards. Best Christmas Story It was the day after Christmas at St Peter and St Paul's church in Borden, Kent, England. Father John, the vicar, was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures. Immediately, Father John's thoughts turned to calling in the local policeman but as he was about to do so, he saw little Nathan with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. Father John approached Nathan and asked him, 'Well, Nathan, where did you get the little infant?' Nathan looked up, smiled and replied, 'I took him from the church.' 'And why did you take him?' With a sheepish grin, Nathan said, 'Well, Father John, about a week before Christmas I prayed to Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it.' 10 Reasons Why a Woman would like to Be Santa Claus There'd be no more early morning decisions about what to wear to the office. No one would bother to ask Santa Claus for a ride to work. Buy one big brown belt and you'd be accessorized for life. You'd always work in sensible footwear. You'd never be expected to make the coffee. There'd be no need to play office politics; a hearty ho-ho-ho would remind everyone who is the boss. Juggling work and family would be easy. All your children would adore you; even your teenagers would want to sit in your lap. You'd never take the wrong coat on your way home. You could grow a tummy the size of Texas and consider it a job requirement of a funny Santa Claus. No one would ask to see your job description. The Christmas Hold-up Tale It was Christmas Eve; the department store manager was in his office just paying off Father Christmas. All of a sudden a teenager and ordered the manager to hand-over the not inconsiderable takings. The manager was wondering what to do, so the teenager attempted to fire his gun in order to make the manager's mind, and open the till and hand over the money. Although the robber pulled the trigger, nothing happened, so unbelievably, he peered down the barrel and then fired again. This time it worked.

Christmas funny jokes This is Guy's favourite tale to tell at grown-up parties. You can tell it as it is, or else you could improvise and improve the yarn depending on the nationalities present at your Christmas gathering. 'Waiter - There's a Fly in My Champagne' A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly. The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass. The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.Funniest Christmas Jokes The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne. The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all. The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne. The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese. The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass. The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish. The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation. The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that you swallowed.' The Bible was written centuries ago by the Apostles. But what if it was written by college students? Most likely it would be a lot different. Here's what it might look like if College Students Wrote the Bible: The 'Blood of Christ' would be switched from red wine to beer in a keg. The Last Supper would have cold leftovers for the next morning. The Ten Commandments would be only five, double-spaced, and written in large font. A New edition would be written every two years in order to limit reselling. The Forbidden Fruit would have been eaten not because it was forbidden but because it wasn't dorm food. Paul's Letter to the Romans would be Paul's E-Mail addressed to pieceofshit@romans.gov The reason Cain killed Abel would be because they were roommates. The place where the end of the world occurs would be Finals, not Armageddon. Instead of mules, the preferred mode of transportation would be mountain bikes. The reason why Moses and his followers walked in the desert for 40 years would be because they didn't want to ask directions and look like Freshmen. The Tower of Babel would be blamed for the Foreign Language requirement. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter. From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember. The Meaning of '12 Days of Christmas' The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ. Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments. Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love. The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament. The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation. Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit: Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy. The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes. Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control. The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments. The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples. The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed. A Nice Bus Driver Two days before Christmas Jimmy set-off in his minibus to collect a batch of open prison inmates. His mission, as usual, was to take them for their radiation treatment at a nearby hospital. Since it was Christmas, one of the 12 offered to buy Jimmy a drink. So they stopped off at the Rose and Crown pub, and all had a nice drink. On the way out Jimmy detoured to the gents, when he came out of the loo, all the prisoners had disappeared. He looked in all the pub's bars, drove around for half an hour, no sign of the inmates. They had all made their escape. What could Jimmy do? Thinking quickly, he braked at a particularly long bus queue, and told the waiting people that he was a relief bus. Where-upon he picked up the first 12 and drove them to the open prison. He then radioed ahead to the warders giving a 'Code Yellow' message. This was a pre-arranged signal that some of the prisoners were playing up. Jimmy unloaded his passengers, he then beat a hasty retreat. Amazingly, his trickery wasn't discovered until the New Year. Read also: Christmas quotes ; Best Christmas songs ; 60 great Christmas quotes ; Christmas tree origin and quotes ;  Christmas markets in England ; Christmas markets in America ; Christmas short stories ; Traditional Christmas Carols ; Ella Gray A Christmas short story ; Funny Christmas Stories ; Amusing Christmas stories ; Christmas jokes ; Christmas cracker jokes ; Christmas food ; Christmas thoughts ; Christmas story ; Christmas in Italy ; Christmas holidays ; Christmas songs ; Christmas poems ; An Essay on Christmas by Chesterton ; Read the full article

[nightsidewrestling]

D.U.D.E Bios: Laurence Ott

Duke of Hell Laurence Ott (2020)

The son of Heath and Wanda Ott, and grandson of Nicole and Damien Lum, as well as Viola's nephew. Laurence hangs out with his Nye cousins as much as he can.

"I am quiet, but I am not blind."

Name

Full Legal Name: Laurence Moses Ott

First Name: Laurence

Meaning: From the Roman cognomen ‘Laurentius’, which meant ‘From Laurentum’, a city in ancient Italy which probably derived its name from Latin ‘Laurus’ ‘Laurel’.

Pronunciation: LAWR-ens

Origin: English

Middle Name: Moses

Meaning: From the Hebrew name ‘Moshe’, which is most likely derived from Egyptian ‘Mes’ meaning ‘Son’.

Pronunciation: MOZ-is

Origin: English, Jewish, Biblical, Bibical Latin

Surname: Ott

Meaning: From the given name Otto, which is the Late German form of ‘Audo’, originally a short form of various names beginning with the Old Frankish element ‘aud’, Old High German ‘ot’ meaning ‘wealth, fortune’.

Pronunciation: AHT

Origin: English, German

Alias: N/A

Reason: N/A

Nicknames: Larry, Laz, Moss

Titles: Mr

Characteristics

Age: 12

Gender: Male. He/Him Pronouns

Race: Human

Nationality: British

Ethnicity: Mixed Race (1/2 White, 1/2 Black)

Birth Date: July 4th 2008

Symbols: N/A

Sexuality: N/A

Religion: Christian

Native Language: English

Spoken Languages: English, French, German

Relationship Status: N/A

Astrological Sign: Cancer

Ringtone: N/A

Voice Actor: N/A

Geographical Characteristics

Birthplace: Bodmin, Cornwall, England

Current Location: Bodmin, Cornwall, England

Hometown: Bodmin, Cornwall, England

Appearance

Height: N/A (Hasn't finished growing)

Weight: N/A (Hasn't finished growing)

Eye Colour: Brown

Hair Colour: Brown

Hair Dye: None

Body Hair: N/A

Facial Hair: N/A

Tattoos: N/A

Piercings: None

Scars: None

Health and Fitness

Allergies: None

Alcoholic, Smoker, Drug User: N/A

Illnesses/Disorders: None

Medications: None

Any Specific Diet: None

Relationships

Allies: N/A

Enemies: N/A

Friends: Flint May, Quincy Winter, Aaron Llewellyn, Iago Rhydderch, Valentine Rhydderch, Raeburn Rhydderch, Macdara Rhydderch, Iain O'Hannagan, Abel Mulrennan, Samson Rhydderch, Rafferty Rhydderch, Mack McDermott, Ian McCracken, Xzavier Rhydderch, Taliesin McCormick, Olindo McConnell, Kellen Rhydderch, Gage Rhydderch

Colleagues: N/A

Rivals: N/A

Closest Confidant: Heath Ott

Mentor: Heath Ott

Significant Other: N/A

Previous Partners: N/A

Parents: Heath Ott (36, Father), Wanda Ott (35, Mother, Née Lum)

Parents-In-Law: N/A

Siblings: Magnolia Ott (15, Sister), Naomi Ott (9, Sister)

Siblings-In-Law: N/A

Nieces & Nephews: N/A

Children: N/A

Children-In-Law: N/A

Grandkids: N/A

Great Grandkids: N/A

Wrestling

Billed From: N/A

Trainer: N/A

Managers: N/A

Wrestlers Managed: N/A

Debut: N/A

Debut Match: N/A

Retired: N/A

Retirement Match: N/A

Wrestling Style: N/A

Stables: N/A

Teams: N/A

Regular Moves: N/A

Finishers: N/A

Refers To Fans As: N/A

Extras

Backstory: Laurence is the son of Wanda and Heath Ott, making her the grandson of Nicole and Damien Lum, as well as the grandson of Marie and Hank Ott. He's Viola, Quentin, Kestrel, Ulysses, Tristan, Gardenia, as well as many other's nephew.

Trivia: Nothing of Note

[christophe76460]

MÉDITATION MATINALE DU MERCREDI 20 NOVEMBRE 2024.

THÈME : NE PERDS PAS JÉSUS DE VUE.

TEXTE DE BASE :

Luc 2:41-46

[41]Les parents de Jésus allaient chaque année à Jérusalem, à la fête de Pâque.

[42]Lorsqu'il fut âgé de douze ans, ils y montèrent, selon la coutume de la fête.

[43]Puis, quand les jours furent écoulés, et qu'ils s'en retournèrent, l'enfant Jésus resta à Jérusalem. Son père et sa mère ne s'en aperçurent pas.

[44]Croyant qu'il était avec leurs compagnons de voyage, ils firent une journée de chemin, et le cherchèrent parmi leurs parents et leurs connaissances.

[45]Mais, ne l'ayant pas trouvé, ils retournèrent à Jérusalem pour le chercher.

[46]Au bout de trois jours, ils le trouvèrent dans le temple, assis au milieu des docteurs, les écoutant et les interrogeant.

Ce passage nous relate comment Joseph et Marie ont perdu de vue Jésus.

I /L'attitude des parents de Jésus.

Ils vont chaque année à la fête de Pâques. Leur régularité à cette fête sacrée est devenue une coutume, une habitude voire même une routine! La pâque a perdu son sens spirituel au profit des habitudes et rencontres annuelles !

Que Dieu nous aide afin que chaque fois que nous nous trouvons dans sa présence, cela ne soit pas pour nous une coutume, un temps de rencontre et de verbiage inutile.

II/ LA PRÉSOMPTION FATALE.

Joseph et Marie pensaient que Jésus faisait chemin avec eux ou même était avec eux.

Ils ont PERDU DE VUE le MAÎTRE, LE SEIGNEUR, LE SAUVEUR JÉSUS !

Nous sommes à une époque de l'histoire de l'église où plusieurs chrétiens et oints du Seigneur ont perdu de vue Jésus le MAÎTRE et se sont engagés dans des coutumes et des pratiques qui désacralisent le sacré! Ils pensent qu'ils ont toujours, la caution, l'approbation du ciel or comme le dit Juges 16 v 20: OR Samson ne savait pas que l'Éternel s'était retiré de lui.

Il pensait que l'Éternel était toujours là, avec lui !

(Quelle présomption fatale avec beaucoup de conséquences)

Que Dieu nous aide !

III / QUELQUES ATTITUDES QUI TÉMOIGNENT QUE TU AS PERDU JÉSUS DE VUE.

1- une vie de péché persistante.

On trouve des excuses pour continuer à vivre et à pratiquer le péché or lisons ensemble Hébreux 10v 26..27 et 1jean 3v9 qui dit que quiconque est né de Dieu ne pratique pas le péché !

2- Les compromissions .

Lorsqu'on perd Jésus de vue, les anarques ,la tricherie, la duplicité, le mensonge et l'escroquerie dans la maison de Dieu deviennent des choses normales . Un retour constant aux Pratiques mondaines et immorales. 2 Pierre 2v 20..22 (à lire).

3- UNE SPIRITUALITÉ NÉGLIGÉE.

Lorsqu'on perd Jésus de vue, on néglige et on abandonne ce qui devrait faire l'essence de notre vie. On ne compte plus sur Dieu pour nos besoins,nos défis mais sur nos réseaux, nos relations, nos connaissances ... au détriment de Jéhovah Jiré . On ne médite presque plus, le jeûne dévient occasionnel et la prière une corvée.

La parole de Dieu est diluée pour des raisons matérielles voire lucratives . Nous ne laissons plus le volant de notre vie et du ministère dans les mains de l'Esprit du Dieu vivant !

Les temps libres sont dévorés par les réseaux sociaux à la recherche de l'introuvable.

Que le Seigneur nous vienne en aide!

Comme Hébreux 10v 35 le dit <<N'abandonnez donc pas votre assurance, à laquelle est attachée une grande rémunération >>.

IV/ SOUVIENS -TOI DONC D'OÙ TU ES TOMBE...

Il est temps bien aimés dans le Seigneur que chacun de nous se souvienne d'où il a laisser tomber le Seigneur afin de revenir à lui de façon sincère et honnête comme Joseph et Marie l'ont fait!

Lire apocalypse 2v5.

CONCLUSION !

Notons que lorsqu'on perd de vue Jésus ,cela se manifeste par une séparation croissante d'avec Dieu à travers une vie marquée par le péché,un amour refroidi, la compromission, un retour aux anciennes pratiques et négligence notoire du sacré.

PRIONS

Dieu notre Père je viens à toi ce matin pour implorer ta grâce !!

Aide moi à ne pas te perdre de vue ,je sais que sans toi je ne peux rien faire. Aide moi à perdre ma propre vie afin de recevoir de la tienne !

Amen amen!

Dieu vous bénisse shalom et Rendez vous au sommet !

Prophète Bah Élisée, votre serviteur.

[ilovetheater-nl]

Samson & Marie maken nieuwe versie van 'Naar Zee'

Samson & Marie hebben zin in de zomer en om dat te vieren brengen ze deze week hun nieuwe single en videoclip Naar zee uit. Met dit vrolijke nummer is het iconische duo klaar voor een zonnige vakantie in eigen land. Voor de fans van Samson zal het meezingen extra makkelijk zijn. Eerder heeft Samson met zijn vorige baasje Gert het nummer Naar Zee al eens opgenomen. Met Marie is er een nieuwe…

[adribosch-fan]

La deriva de Francia con Macron abre la puerta a una presidencia de Le Pen

Casi el 60% de los franceses opina que la candidata de Agrupación Nacional es «cercana» a sus preocupaciones ALEJANDRO CUEVAS OLAVARRÍA Jean-Marie Le Pen y su hija Marine durante un acto público el 1 de mayo de 2010.Reuters/Thomas Samson Marine Le Pen sería la gran favorita de repetirse las elecciones presidenciales. No sólo sería la primera fuerza en la primera vuelta y con gran diferencia del…

[brunobresani]

73 muestra internacional de cine en la @cinetecanacionalmx

El amor según Dalva

Dalva, Francia-Bélgica, 2022, 83 min.

D y G: Emmanuelle Nicot. F en C: Caroline Guimbal. M: Frédéric Alvarez. E: Suzana Pedro. Con: Zelda Samson (Dalva), Alexis Manenti (Jayden), Fanta Guirassy (Samia), Marie Denarnaud (Zora), Jean-Louis Coulloc'h (Jacques), Sandrine Blancke (Marina). CP: Hélicotronc, Tripode Productions. Prod: Julie Esparbes y Delphine Schmit. Dist: Tulip Pictures.

La vida de Dalva, una niña de 12 años, cambia repentinamente cuando es obligada a dejar el hogar en el que vivía con su padre. Furiosa y sin comprender los motivos, la trasladan a una habitación en un centro de atención a menores y comienza a ir a otra escuela. Poco a poco, Dalva empieza a comprender que detrás de lo que ella siempre ha llamado amor, se esconde otra cosa. En su ópera prima, la francesa Emmanuelle Nicot configura un coming of age oscuro y esperanzador sobre el proceso de sanación de una pequeña –interpretada de manera notable por Zelda Samson– que irá recuperando la infancia que se le ha negado, en un vaivén definido por la rebeldía, el enfado, la aceptación y la reinvención.

#cinetecanacional #muestrainternacionaldecine #cine #kino #film #elamorsegúndalva

[jessicajac0b]

3.13.2023

Aujourd'hui, je veux parler du poète, auteur-compositeur-interprète et romancier Leonard Cohen. Cohen est né dans une famille juive orthodoxe au Québec en 1934. Cohen est surtout connu pour avoir écrit la chanson « Hallelujah », qui a été popularisée dans une reprise des années 1990 par Jeff Buckley. Les belles images poétiques de Cohen sont mises en contraste avec deux histoires bibliques d'hommes brisés par l'amour. Tout d'abord, nous entendons parler de David. Après avoir vu une femme se baigner, "Ta foi était forte mais tu avais besoin de preuves / tu l'as vue se baigner sur le toit / sa beauté au clair de lune t'a renversé" David tombe amoureux d'elle. David ordonne qu'elle lui soit amenée et couche avec elle, l'imprégnant dans le processus. Son mari, Urie, servait dans l'armée de David. Pour couvrir son infidélité, David ordonne à Uriah de revenir de la guerre, espérant qu'il coucherait avec sa femme et que l'enfant pourrait être fait passer pour Uriah. Malheureusement pour David, Urie était un soldat dévoué et a refusé d'abandonner son poste. Sachant qu'il ne pouvait pas cacher son secret, David ordonna aux compagnons d'armes d'Urie de le laisser au milieu d'une bataille. Après la mort d'Urie, David a pris sa femme pour lui. Ensuite, nous entendons parler de Samson. Samson a fait un vœu qui lui a donné une force surhumaine. Une partie de son vœu était de refuser de se couper les cheveux - c'était la source de son pouvoir. L'ennemi de Samson, les Phillistins, voulait savoir d'où provenait son grand pouvoir, alors ils ont soudoyé une femme, Delilah, pour le découvrir. Ainsi, Delilah a passé la nuit avec Samson. Une nuit où il lui a révélé la vérité. Et pendant qu'il dormait, elle lui coupa les cheveux et le livra aux Phillistins, qui lui crevèrent les yeux et le forcèrent à travailler. Ces deux histoires illustrent l'immense douleur et la souffrance que l'amour peut infliger, mais le chœur interrompt ces histoires avec un "alléluia" répété - louange à Dieu. "Même si tout s'est mal passé / je me tiendrai devant le seigneur de la chanson / sans rien d'autre sur la langue qu'alléluia." L'amour peut nous briser, mais Dieu merci, il existe. Alléluia.

Ci-dessous, une peinture de Delilah et Samson quelques heures seulement avant qu'elle ne le brise.

[random-movie-ideas]

And finally, we have the characters who aren't necessary, but will get a thumbs up if they do show up:

Edwin Jarvis

Happy Hogan

John Walker AKA Captain America/U.S. Agent

Brock Rumlow AKA Crossbones

The Serpent Society

Eric Masterson AKA Thor/Thunderstrike

Brunnhilde AKA Valkyrie

The Wrecking Crew

Doc Leonard Samson

The Daily Bugle

Eddie Brock AKA Venom

Flint Marko AKA The Sandman

The Sinister Six

Marie AKA Rogue

Nathan Summers AKA Cable

H.E.R.B.I.E.

Yelena Belova AKA Black Widow

Bobbi Morse AKA Mockingbird

Dracula

Rocket Raccoon

Mantis

Wendell Vaughn AKA Quasar

Nebula

Crystalia Amaquelin AKA Crystal

Sersi

The Eternals

Greer Grant Nelson AKA Tigra

Monica Rambeau AKA Ms. Marvel/Photon/Spectrum/etc.

Adam Brashear AKA Blue Marvel

Robert Grayson AKA Marvel Boy

Noh-Varr AKA Marvel Boy

Maya Lopez AKA Echo

Patsy Walker AKA Hellcat

Dane Whitman AKA The Black Knight

Henry Peter Gyrich

Daisy Johnson AKA Quake

Eros AKA Starfox

Uatu the Watcher

The West Coast Avengers

The Great Lakes Avengers

The Midnight Sons

The New Warriors

Alpha Flight

Taneleer Tivan AKA The Collector

En Dwi Gast AKA The Grandmaster

Herbert Wyndham AKA The High Evolutionary

Eric Williams AKA The Grim Reaper

The Hand

Essential Characters to Include in an Avengers Series

Now on the Marvel side of things, here are the characters most essential to be included:

Tony Stark AKA Iron Man

Steve Rogers AKA Captain America

Sam Wilson AKA Falcon/Captain America

Johann Schmidt AKA Red Skull

Baron Helmut Zemo

HYDRA

Donald Blake AKA Thor Odinson

Loki Laufeyson

Bruce Banner AKA The Hulk

Jennifer Walters AKA She-Hulk

Betty Ross AKA Harpy/Red She-Hulk

Rick Jones AKA A-Bomb

Peter Parker AKA Spider-Man

Mary Jane Watson

Norman Osborn AKA Green Goblin

James Howlett/Logan AKA Wolverine

The X-Men

Erik Lehnsherr AKA Magneto

Pietro Maximoff AKA Quicksilver

Wanda Maximoff AKA Scarlet Witch

Walter Lawson/Mar-Vell AKA Captain Marvel

Carol Danvers AKA Ms. Marvel/Captain Marvel

Hank Pym AKA Ant-Man/Giant Man/Etc.

Janet Van Dyne AKA The Wasp

Dr. Stephen Strange

Reed Richards AKA Mr. Fantastic

Ben Grimm AKA The Thing

Victor Von Doom AKA Doctor Doom

Galactus

King T'Challa AKA Black Panther

Namor the Sub-Mariner

Natasha Romanoff AKA Black Widow

Clint Barton AKA Hawkeye

Frank Castle AKA The Punisher

Matthew Murdock AKA Daredevil

Elektra Natchios

Eric Brooks AKA Blade

Johnny Blaze AKA Ghost Rider

Marc Spector/Steven Grant/Jake Lockley AKA Moon Knight

The Guardians of the Galaxy

Vision

S.H.I.E.L.D.

Nathaniel Richards AKA Kang the Conqueror, etc.

Ultron

Thanos

A.I.M.

The Kree

The Skrulls

[froy]

Yes!

Eén, twee, kijk wie loopt daar wie oh wie

Eén, twee, drie, Samson en Marie!

[tommoismyprince]

TRADUCCIÓN

aclaración esto es una traducción, el post original le pertenece a @skepticalarrie

post original

Anon: ¡Hola Allie! Una vez vi un video de Simon Cowell con alguien hablando de stunts, y ese tipo al final terminó en la carcel. ¿Fue real? ¿De qué se trataba el video y puedes explicarme por favor la conexión de eso con Harry y Louis?

Skepticalarrie: ¡Hola anon! El video al que te refieres fue parte de una serie de documentales que hizo Louis Theroux y el episodio en cuestión es el de Max Clifford; aquí:

Ellos si hablaron de relaciones públicas (pr stunts) en esta entrevista, te recomiendo verlo sólo si tienes el estómago para ver a esos dos repugnantes hombres juntos, buena suerte.

Max Clifford era un publicista y amigo de Simon Cowell, Max hizo relaciones públicas para Syco durante muchos años y era conocido por vender mentiras descaradas para los medios y tabloides, fue un depredador sexual condenado, fue a prisión en 2014 y murió en 2017 (aún estando en prisión). Si buscas en google o cualquier red verás su historial especialmente en “ayudar” a enclosetar a sus clientes y ocultar todo tipo de relaciones no heterosexuales en la industria.

Conexiones con One Direction/ Harry y Louis

Siéntate y ve por unas palomitas (o no porque esto no es nada divertido) porque acabas de abrir una lata de gusanos aquí, anon.

Max Clifford:

a) Max trabajó para Syco hasta que fue encarcelado en 2014. Siendo responsable de (gran parte de) las relaciones públicas de One Direction y muchas otras bandas/artistas, algunas de ellas como Westlife banda que tenía un miembro gay enclosetado como todos sabemos. También era un buen amigo de Simon muy públicamente, como podemos ver en la entrevista.

b) Louis Theroux (el tipo que entrevistó a Max Clifford) habló muy abiertamente sobre las relaciones públicas de Max Clifford y Simon Cowell en los medios en 2019. Harry siguió al tipo meses después (en enero/ 2020)

Dato curioso: Danielle Campbell tenía un perro llamado Max, cuando Louis y ella estaban “saliendo” consiguieron otro perro y lo llamaron Clifford (el que todos conocemos y amamos) Max y Clifford eran literalmente hermanos e iban juntos a todas partes.

Ann Marie Thompson

a) Ann Marie Thompson (Sarah Ann Marie Samson) fue la asistente personal y alumna de Max, varias veces reportada como “La mano derecha de Simon” aparentemente se convirtió en jefa de relaciones públicas de Syco después de que Max se fue, y muchas veces se la relacionó directamente con One Direction (creo que incluso se le vió con ellos en más de una ocasión, pero mi memoria puede jugar conmigo a veces así que no estoy segura de esto) Su perfil de Linkedin la coloca como SVP de Syco (aún lo hace)

b) Ann Marie está casada con Pete Samson, editor de The Sun (“This one is for the Sun”)

c) Es difícil saber como es la situación de Louis como solista ahora, ya que nunca anunció su nuevo sello o nuevo equipo, pero antes de dejar Syco Ann Marie seguía siendo su representante de relaciones públicas en los EE.UU, mientras que Simon Jones era su representante de relaciones públicas en el Reino Unido.

[daimonclub]

Christmas Jokes

Christmas amusing stories Christmas jokes, funny and amusing jokes and hilarious very short stories for everyone to tell to your family and friends during your Christmas holidays Nul mieux que Charlie ne sait que la joke n’est pas une plaisanterie. C’est un devoir et une obligation. C’est le plus délicat des artisanats. La joke est une dictature. Comme l’a dit Rousseau à propos d’autre chose, nous en sommes à la fois souverain et sujet. Nous devons servir la joke. Et ce doit être une servitude volontaire. Charlie Hebdo An Amusing Christmas Try-on Mary-Jo was going to the Christmas office party but needed a new dress. So she went out shopping and in the clothing store she asked the assistant, 'May I try on that dress in the window, please?' 'Certainly not, madam,' responded the salesgirl, 'You'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.' Funny Religious Jokes from Christmas Crackers Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? Samson because he brought the house down. Advent sermon: 'What is hell?' Come early and listen to our carol practice. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. (School boy howler) Something really cheap On Christmas Eve, Mr. John Smith thought it would be nice to buy his wife a little gift for the next day. Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what that present might be' Unable to decide, our hero entered Debenhams and in the cosmetics section he asked the girl, 'How about some perfume?' She showed him a bottle costing £80. 'Too expensive,' muttered Mr. Smith. The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for £50. 'Oh dear,' John groused, 'still far too much.' Growing rather annoyed at Smith's meanness, the sales girl brought out a tiny £10 bottle and offered it to him. John became really agitated, 'What I mean', he whined, 'is I'd like to see something really cheap.' So the sales girl handed him a mirror. Christmas reality Just before Xmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus all got into the lift (elevator) at the Ritz Hotel in London. As the lift travelled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, one-by-one they noticed a £50 note lying on the lift's floor. Which one picked up the £50 note, and handed it in at reception? Santa of course, the other two don't actually exist! A Thoughtful Christmas Gift Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Christmas. 'Yes,' came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.' 'That was very kind of you,' Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.' Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.' Funny Christmas Story about a Turkey Sarah new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, 'Richard doesn't appreciate what I do for him.' 'Now, now,' her mother comforted, 'I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.' 'No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price.' 'Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate,' says her mum. 'Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars.' 'No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey. It was the aeroplane ticket.' "Aeroplane ticket..." What did you need an airplane ticket for?' 'Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said: "Prepare from a frozen state," so I flew to Alaska.'

It's Christmas time. Smile! An Amusing and True Christmas Funny Story A seven-year-old boy was stopped by police in northern Germany while trying to plough snow with a front loader he borrowed from his parents' business, authorities have told Will and Guy. Officers on patrol found the boy atop the 3.5-meter-tall excavator after he had cleared the street in the town of Reinfeld and was driving back to the parking lot. The child noticed the police car behind him and stopped immediately. 'He opened the door, got out and admitted immediately that he did not have a driving licence,' the police report said. When asked why he had begun ploughing, he said his father had complained about the state of the roads. He saw the key in the ignition of the vehicle and set off. Police retrieved the key to the loader from the child and returned it, and the boy, to his mother. The Tale of the Traditional Christmas Pudding Martha decided to move with the times and try the delights of microwave cooking. Whereupon, her devoted husband Archie went out and bought her a brand new top-of-the range Sharp Microwave oven. Christmas approached and Martha got out her Christmas pudding recipe and assembled the ingredients. She proceeded along traditional lines and even got the each member of the family to stir the mixture 'for luck'. When Martha consulted the microwave's manual for the cooking time, she could not believe that ten minutes would be enough for a traditional Christmas pudding. Consequently she decided to substitute her normal cooking time of 50 minutes. As Martha was in the lounge watching her favourite T.V. programme she did not see the pudding spitting in the microwave oven, nor did she hear the mini-explosions. When she finally extracted the pudding from the microwave after nearly an hour of cooking on 'High', it smelt of burnt sugar and looked like a ball of tar. Naturally, the Christmas pudding was a disaster, so much so, that Martha could not even prod it with a fork. In fact the black ball stuck to the bottom of the bowl and Archie had to get a screwdriver to prize it from its base. In a fit of pique, Martha threw the shrivelled Christmas pudding to Togo her St Bernard puppy. After a few days she could see the funny side, and Togo loved his new indestructible toy, which amused him until the next Christmas. Santa Visits a Bar Santa Banta goes into a bar in New York. The man on his right orders a drink, 'Johnnie Walker, single.' The man on his left says, 'Jack Daniels, single.' Santa says. 'Santa Singh, married.' Before the Christmas Holiday 'Today we'll relax a little and play a spelling game before we break up for the Christmas holidays,' says Mrs Anand, the primary schoolteacher. Each of you will stand up, tell us your name, what your father does, spell what your father does, and then explain it to us. All right, Jack, you can go first.' Jack stands up and says, 'My name's Jack. My father is a builder, b-u-i-l-d-e-r, and he helps to put up homes.' Funny Christmas Snow Women Mrs Anand says, 'Very good. All right, Dominic, your turn.' Dominic stands says, 'My name's Dominic. My father's a pharmacist, f-a-m... f-a-r-n... f-n...' The teacher, Mrs Anand, says, 'Dominic, you go home tonight and learn how to spell pharmacist. All right, Bobby.' Bobby stands up and says, 'My name's Bobby. My old man is a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he was here, he'd give you five to two odds Dominic won't spell pharmacist by tomorrow.' Kissing under the mistletoe Jennifer was a pretty 18 year old girl. In the week before Christmas she sauntered up to the curtain counter, and was trying to decide which of the many types of tinsel she would buy. Finally, she made her choice and asked the spotty youth who was manning the fabric section. 'How much is this gold tinsel garland'. The spotty youth pointed to the Christmas mistletoe above the counter and said, 'This week we have a special offer, just one kiss per metre'. 'Wow, that's great', said Jennifer, 'I'll take 12 metres'. With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the boy measured out the tinsel, wrapped up the garland, and gave it to Jennifer. She then called to an old man who had been browsing through the Christmas trees and said, 'My Grandpa will settle the bill.' Growing too old Grandpa decided that shopping for Christmas presents had become too difficult. All his grandchildren had everything they needed, so he decided to send them each a cheque (check). On each card he wrote: 'Happy Christmas Grandpa' P.S. 'Buy your own present!' Conclusion: Now, while Grandpa enjoyed the family festivities, he thought that his grandchildren were just slightly distant. It preyed on his mind into the New Year. Then one day he was sorting out his study and under a pile of magazines, he found a little pile of cheques (checks) for his grandchildren. He had completely forgotten to put them in with the Christmas cards. Best Christmas Story It was the day after Christmas at St Peter and St Paul's church in Borden, Kent, England. Father John, the vicar, was looking at the nativity scene outside when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the figures. Immediately, Father John's thoughts turned to calling in the local policeman but as he was about to do so, he saw little Nathan with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus. Father John approached Nathan and asked him, 'Well, Nathan, where did you get the little infant?' Nathan looked up, smiled and replied, 'I took him from the church.' 'And why did you take him?' With a sheepish grin, Nathan said, 'Well, Father John, about a week before Christmas I prayed to Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it.' 10 Reasons Why a Woman would like to Be Santa Claus There'd be no more early morning decisions about what to wear to the office. No one would bother to ask Santa Claus for a ride to work. Buy one big brown belt and you'd be accessorized for life. You'd always work in sensible footwear. You'd never be expected to make the coffee. There'd be no need to play office politics; a hearty ho-ho-ho would remind everyone who is the boss. Juggling work and family would be easy. All your children would adore you; even your teenagers would want to sit in your lap. You'd never take the wrong coat on your way home. You could grow a tummy the size of Texas and consider it a job requirement of a funny Santa Claus. No one would ask to see your job description. The Christmas Hold-up Tale It was Christmas Eve; the department store manager was in his office just paying off Father Christmas. All of a sudden a teenager and ordered the manager to hand-over the not inconsiderable takings. The manager was wondering what to do, so the teenager attempted to fire his gun in order to make the manager's mind, and open the till and hand over the money. Although the robber pulled the trigger, nothing happened, so unbelievably, he peered down the barrel and then fired again. This time it worked.

Christmas funny jokes This is Guy's favourite tale to tell at grown-up parties. You can tell it as it is, or else you could improvise and improve the yarn depending on the nationalities present at your Christmas gathering. 'Waiter - There's a Fly in My Champagne' A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly. The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass. The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.Funniest Christmas Jokes The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne. The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all. The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne. The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese. The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass. The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish. The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation. The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that you swallowed.' The Bible was written centuries ago by the Apostles. But what if it was written by college students? Most likely it would be a lot different. Here's what it might look like if College Students Wrote the Bible: The 'Blood of Christ' would be switched from red wine to beer in a keg. The Last Supper would have cold leftovers for the next morning. The Ten Commandments would be only five, double-spaced, and written in large font. A New edition would be written every two years in order to limit reselling. The Forbidden Fruit would have been eaten not because it was forbidden but because it wasn't dorm food. Paul's Letter to the Romans would be Paul's E-Mail addressed to pieceofshit@romans.gov The reason Cain killed Abel would be because they were roommates. The place where the end of the world occurs would be Finals, not Armageddon. Instead of mules, the preferred mode of transportation would be mountain bikes. The reason why Moses and his followers walked in the desert for 40 years would be because they didn't want to ask directions and look like Freshmen. The Tower of Babel would be blamed for the Foreign Language requirement. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter. From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember. The Meaning of '12 Days of Christmas' The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ. Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments. Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love. The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament. The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation. Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit: Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy. The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes. Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control. The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments. The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples. The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed. A Nice Bus Driver Two days before Christmas Jimmy set-off in his minibus to collect a batch of open prison inmates. His mission, as usual, was to take them for their radiation treatment at a nearby hospital. Since it was Christmas, one of the 12 offered to buy Jimmy a drink. So they stopped off at the Rose and Crown pub, and all had a nice drink. On the way out Jimmy detoured to the gents, when he came out of the loo, all the prisoners had disappeared. He looked in all the pub's bars, drove around for half an hour, no sign of the inmates. They had all made their escape. What could Jimmy do? Thinking quickly, he braked at a particularly long bus queue, and told the waiting people that he was a relief bus. Where-upon he picked up the first 12 and drove them to the open prison. He then radioed ahead to the warders giving a 'Code Yellow' message. This was a pre-arranged signal that some of the prisoners were playing up. Jimmy unloaded his passengers, he then beat a hasty retreat. Amazingly, his trickery wasn't discovered until the New Year. Read also: Christmas quotes ; Best Christmas songs ; 60 great Christmas quotes ; Christmas tree origin and quotes ;  Christmas markets in England ; Christmas markets in America ; Christmas short stories ; Traditional Christmas Carols ; Ella Gray A Christmas short story ; Funny Christmas Stories ; Amusing Christmas stories ; Christmas jokes ; Christmas cracker jokes ; Christmas food ; Christmas thoughts ; Christmas story ; Christmas in Italy ; Christmas holidays ; Christmas songs ; Christmas poems ; An Essay on Christmas by Chesterton ; Read the full article