#Sam enduring Destiel's crap

[im-some-lionheart]

I love the fact that Sam asked how tf cas got the colt, and dean was like 🫣 it.. it was under my pillow. 😔 he came into my room and he played me 😥 and Sam DOESN'T EVEN QUESTION THAT?? He's like of course the fucking gay angel waltzed into your room and "found" the colt under your pillow and took it without you noticing until it was too late jfc Dean he didn't "play you", he fucking played with your ass so hard that you were too spent to notice him taking the gun jfc why couldn't you just keep it in your pants for once man just once is that too much to ask

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

I’ve been thinking a lot about why Supernatural struck a chord with me, because I am not into horror (even cheesy horror) and monster movies / shows never were my thing; so, when Supernatural first aired in 2005, I actively avoided it. Thanks to some Destiel gifs on Pintrest though, I took a chance on the show in 2014; and now I think I finally figured out why I stuck with it like it did.

Since anything was possible on Supernatural, then the next “big and crazy” plot point wasn’t necessarily the focus in every episode. The focus instead was on the characters and their ability to cope with the crazy things that were happening. The most successful seasons of the show seemed to be the ones where the writers really nurtured that focus. In the least successful seasons-- the focus was continuously forced back onto the big and crazy plot points, cutting short any moment where the characters were allowed to feel or react to what was happening. 

Season 4, for example-- wasn’t a good season just because Misha was introduced (although that helped) ... it was a good season because the introduction of angels challenged Dean’s deep-seeded beliefs and put all the characters’ morality into question, leading to numerous episodes where Sam, Dean and Cas all had to look inward and focus on their own thoughts and feelings. Yes, the impending apocalypse was on the horizon, but the viewer cared far more about how all that would effect the boys ... and then, as they should have, the writers eventually showed us how it effected the boys.

In contrast, seasons like the 7th in the series, dragged on until the show runner and writers finally turned their focus back to the characters attempting to deal with their feelings and internal struggles instead of just having them figure out how to fight leviathans. And many other seasons yo-yoed back and forth between these focuses, but they all tended to end with the guys-- looking inward, which allowed their characters to grow, and allowed the viewers to empathize and connect with what they were watching.

That growth became a constant on the show-- one of the only constants, really; and I attribute a great part of that growth to the actors’ dedication to their characters. But the story did usually catch up in the end ... which is why the series finale hurt so much. Not only did it erase that character growth from the last twelve years (where their family grew beyond blood) but it also blew apart that constant when we needed it the most. It took all the focus away from everything that mattered-- meaning the thoughts and feelings of the main characters. Instead of showing us how everyone was coping (or not coping) with the loss and pain they’ve just experienced, they threw in some sloppy montages, pie- eating and a crap-ton of exposition that explained absolutely nothing except for the passage of time. They not only took away everything we’ve grown to care about with the series, but they basically told us with this lazy-narrative, that we shouldn’t have cared at all because “at least the guys are in Heaven.”

Like I said before, I don’t like horror. I don’t care about monsters or “the next big and crazy scare” ... but I cared about this horror-show because of these characters that grew up before my eyes. I loved their personalities and their ability to cope and love in spite of all the pain they’ve endured. I appreciated their human-moments of complete imperfection and I valued their flaws. My favorite moments were their moments-- solely theirs, where they were knee-deep in their feelings and waded through anyway. I loved this kitschy, dumb, monster series because something honest was born from it ... a true human experience. I loved that with all my heart.

And then 15x20 came and threw it all away.

I took a chance on Supernatural and then was told in the end, that that chance was wasted.

It hurts because I cared.

It hurts because I know that the characters cared too.

[nancylou444]

Questions from a Heller because I’m actually curious and want to know your train of thought. I know Hellers only see the worst of wincest shippers, and wincest shippers only see the worst of Hellers, so this is my attempt to have both of us see the better sides of each other.

I do ship Destiel, though not inherently romantically (I have weird views on relationships that don’t work with common terminology, and I think that one can have close, meaningful, and intimate relationships without them necessarily being sexual or romantic). I do think Wincest is wrong, but, like, it’s fiction and trying to debate morality here is gonna end up being useless, because neither of us are gonna change our minds, so lets not bother to discuss that here and just accept it as a fundamental difference in morality.

One, why do you think Cas and Dean’s relationship is insignificant? I really disagree with you here because it’s shown time and time again throughout the show how much Dean cares for Cas. He’s stated that he thinks of Cas as family. Also, Cas has been shown to have significant relationships with other characters as well. Sam and Cas have had moments of bonding, and Mary called Cas one of her boys. So yeah I guess I’m asking what you think Cas’s role in the show is and how you view his relationships with other characters.

Two, what do you think changes Sam and Dean’s relationship into something other than brothers? They do clearly love each other very much, but I still see it as a brotherly relationship, and family bonds. Again, it’s possible to have deep and intimate relationships without romance or sex.

Three, because I haven’t seen it on your blog and I’m curious, what do you think of Jack, and his relationship with Sam and Dean and Cas?

Four, what do you dislike about Destiel that you think makes the ship deserving of hate? Not the fans, but the ship itself. I am aware that their relationship is not an ideal relationship by any means, but the same goes for pretty much all of the reoccurring relationships in the show, due to everyone’s trauma and mental health issues and the circumstances they’ve endured over the course of their lives. I am really big on the idea of healing, and being able to improve yourself and the relationships with your family and friends, and to me the appeal of Destiel is seeing how Cas and Dean can make each other better, how Cas shakes Dean out of the roles he’s played since he was a kid and forces him to confront the ways he sees himself, and how Dean has fundamentally changed Castiel and literally taught him how to be human, how to love.

Five. You liked the finale. I understand why. I hate the finale. Yes, Destiel is part of that. However, my main issue is the fact that Dean died, and it was framed as a happy ending, and the only way for him to have that. A very dangerous message for people with mental health issues. Jared has had the message of “Always Keep Fighting” for years, and I feel like Dean’s death contradicts that. He just gained free will, and he dies before he gets a chance to exercise it? I feel the “happy Heaven” ending is.. I’m not sure how to explain it but like, too easy? A cop-out? A way to avoid the difficult writing of starting Dean on the road to a happy life. I think Dean should have gotten a chance to actually live his life the way he always wanted to, and Sam should have been able to have his brother in his life. I don’t think either of them could have been happy with the tragedy of the other’s death. What is your opinion on Dean’s death, and, if positive, why do you think so? What is your response to the suicidal undertones of Dean’s death? If you wanna know my preferred ending then tell me, this is getting too long for me to get into that.

I do admit that sometimes the fans can be stupid, but the same thing can be said about wincest shippers and practically any group. Also, Hellers are only gonna hear about the worst of wincest shippers, and wincest shippers are only gonna hear about the worst of Hellers, so both of us have clouded views on each other, and that’s why discussion is important. I’ve mostly seen good things from Hellers. I know your point of view is different. That’s why I’m asking to for your side of things, and attempting to explain mine.

Again, I’m simply curious as to your point of view, and do not mean to attack you in any way.

The only reason I didn’t delete this, is because I know it took a lot of time and thought, and I can respect that. 

Having said that, I’m not going to spend that much time responding to all of this. I’m just going to hit a few things. 

1. Cass and Dean don’t have a ‘relationship’. They barely had a friendship at the end. Cass’ confession was more about fanservice and Misha selling merchandise than about love. 

2. Are you asking me to explain FANON WINCEST? Because CANON wincest is right there in the show. 

3. I liked Jack for the most part. I think Sam was his main ‘caregiver’ so to speak. As for his relationship to Dean and Cass, I didn’t give it much thought. 

4.  to me the appeal of Destiel is seeing how Cas and Dean can make each other better  how Cas shakes Dean out of the roles he’s played since he was a kid and forces him to confront the ways he sees himself, You have got to be kidding me. Cass makes Dean better? How? Cass has done NOTHING to alter Dean’s love for SAM. And that is Dean’s focus in life. 

I notice that you seem to skim over the CANON times where Cass beat Dean.  

5. Did Dean put himself on the rebar? Oh Dean has killed himself a few times in the show, but they were always for SAM. His death in the finale was NOT suicide. Nor were there any ‘undertones’ of suicide. 

The show began with Sam and Dean. The show has always been about Sam and Dean. The show should have and DID end with Sam and Dean together. 

Not to be rude, but I’m sure your ‘preferred ending’ involved Cass and probably Eileen, and I don’t give a crap about it. Save that fanfic for YOUR blog. 

I’ve mostly seen good things from Hellers. Of course you have, maybe you need to step out of your bubble and see how REAL destiehellers act. 

[elizabethrobertajones]

Hello there. I have a question (more like a thesis): What would have happened if Cas told the Truth anywhere between season 7 and 15? Do you think it would have had the same impact on Dean? Logically speaking Cas could have told him anytime.

Oh gosh, yes. I mean Dean’s reaction in season 15 is still the best it could have been really :P He was in the best place and most accepting of himself and he still had a BSOD for a moment and then Cas had to shove him away so he could go die... (Assuming you take the on screen boring presentation of what happened as canon and not throw in the reciprocation, tears, pull in for a kiss, etc that we know exists either in our hearts or on Jackles’ phone.)

I’ve been thinking about this and the parameters we’d have to apply if we were gonna get something like the show being self-healing back to its self as we know it but we were allowed a confession. Also the show has to be as punishing as ever. So these are my personal theses on each season... 

Season 7 the confession would have to be after Cas comes back, and everything in 7x17 that looked like Dean was jealous of Daphne and Meg textually was meant to be read that way in the set up for the confession. To make it the most painful obviously we still get Cas exactly as he was all through to the end of the season and he never really says anything too different but then right when they’re having the “cursed or not” discussion he’d bust out of nowhere that he supposes it is inevitable Dean would talk him into going on this dangerous mission to get Dick because obviously Cas loves him. And Dean, who is in a weirdly zen sort of place in the remaining minutes of season 7 after Bobby’s send off and final words that helped him go make up with Cas, is in a similarly season 15 oddly okay spot, mental health wise. At least. COMPARED TO ALL THE REST OF SEASON 7. But I still personally have always read it as a genuinely good place for him that could have endured much longer if not for *gestures everything that happened after stabbing Dick* and obviously making up with Cas was step one and a huge part of his process. 

(idk if you’ve noticed but 7x23 pretty much has no Sam and Dean interaction after Bobby’s send off, and their last good broments are really scarce; it feels sort of natural for abrupt calamity and no time for teary farewells in a season with a strong commentary on grief, which also hyperfocuses the attention on Dean n Cas there.)

So I think Dean would maybe be stunned but maybe quirk a sceptical smile like “He can’t mean it like that and anyway he’s currently coo-coo, this doesn’t mean anything hahaha oh Cas :)))” and then idk shake his head and move the story on and Cas just turns one longing look after him like “dammit that didn’t work out like planned” 

Anyway then the exact plot beats of 7x23 follow, exactly as seen on your screens, but we’re left going into season 8 and Carver era with Dean far far more messed up about Cas and it can force clarification in 8x02 in Purgatory where Cas is entirely adamant he meant what he meant and furious at Dean for being mad at him and Dean’s mad at Cas for all the season 8 reasons so they continue angsting at each other but Benny’s reaction shots are just 10x funnier. This is followed by Dean’s reciprocation of “I love you” instead of “I need you” in the crypt scene in 8x17 and from there honestly it’s been built up into canon in such a way that the emotional arc of the show has to go off the wheels and I can’t keep to the self-healing model to continue following the “real” plot and contain this much raw power.

Coincidentally, if the first confession is in season 8, it would be “what broke the connection” after a season 8 where nothing was different up until that point. Cas flaps off while Dean is still processing that the answer was “You. I love you.” and Dean is left yelling at the empty crypt like “What the hell, Cas?!” 

Then he’s as mad at him as he was in canon except instead of being borderline a really bad overreaction into his anger phase which we have to weather as miserable fans tethered to this ship who know sometimes Dean gets mad and yells at Cas for no reason, he’s reacting proportionately. It’s always seemed like 8x22 only makes sense if Dean is furious at Cas for confessing and fleeing except, obviously, in our “”real”” canon, it can only be like Cas confessed and Dean took it that way and also felt embarrassed how far he went with his own feelings only for Cas to run. 

This would make the bar scene with the cupids in 8x23 make a lot more sense too, and after they get the cupid bow Dean’s going to turn to Cas and give him a nervous smile, and then - Naomi flaps in like she does and distracts them away from reciprocation. 

I think this one could go long - maybe even season 13 Cas being dead and Dean being like “FUCK I never got a chance to work things out with him” and 13x06 onwards is where we get any actual work on the ship, because Carver era was so determined to be emotionally gruelling and unsatisfying and relentless from one issue to the next. And the confessions are so bound up specifically in the moments of miscommunication or failed attempts, cut off conversations etc that whether Destiel is canon or not, they’re never gonna get to talk it out under those conditions. Cas is only explicitly the grieving wife and jealous ex to Crowley’s smug take over of Dean’s affections rather than subtextually. 

The season 9 confession... I feel like we’d come perilously close to the Monkey Paw curse we once envisioned of Buckleming making it canon because they love jumping the gun on plot points and making them too obvious. So the end of 9x03, Cas is really blatantly angling to come in with a big “Hey I’m human can I live in the Bunker look at me I learned to do The Sex can we do it now” kind of vibe. All the enthusiasm he was giving to eating that burrito in the background while “Zeke” was trying to get him kicked out, but with lusting over Dean :P 

If we avoid that we can leap to Mr Bobo Berens and his first episode, and have this thing handled by a pro, as it’s already very much about Cas as a homeless queer man with a bad ex he still loves rolling into town where he’s just trying to make a new life and play straight - I mean human - for his own survival. I suspect the confrontation with Iphraim would make it really obvious that Cas didn’t just want to live as a human but had an eye for living as a human with Dean, and then he’d attempt a confession right before Dean would accidentally talk over, like, the L in “love” honestly, to tell him that sorry things do still stand that you can’t come back with me. Leaves Cas utterly devastated but Dean is none the wiser and he drives off and Cas pines piningly at the pine trees in his Gas n Sip. 

Again the end of season probably would force the real confession, since there’s a ready made moment in 9x22 where Hannah tries to force Cas to kill Dean and he gives it all up for one man. Cas can just lower that knife and be like, “No, I love him,” talking to his shoes and Hannah rather than meeting Dean’s eyes. Mark of Cain Dean is fuuuucked up at that point but we still get the moment where Dean carries Cas’s bag into the bunker and sits down with him and tries to care about his health and now also this confession. Sussing out what the heck is up with Cas, and maybe he looks like he’s playing it cool and is still so messed up but Cas is vulnerable, and finally Dean starts to reach across the library table for his hand, and it’s a moment where maybe things could have started to go better for them...... Cue Gadreel walking into the library, Dean going feral, blah blah demon!Dean, blah blah explicitly stated Drowley, blah blah muuuch healing and Cas giving Dean a wide berth for a lil while. Though, in this scenario, 10x22 is far worse but has the reverse crypt scene moment, so Dean can be more obviously unable to kill Cas because he loves him, and then he walks out, followed by season 11 and Cas being returned to them. Unfortunately. Yep. Another finger curls on the Monkey Paw... 11x03 by Buckleming would absolutely be where Destiel goes undeniably canon as it is their first real interactions post Mark of Cain. Our only consolation - directed by Jensen Ackles.

Season 10 confession, hm. Poor Cas. He has the option of 10x03, of confessing and then immediately apologising and walking off to handle stuff with Hannah (thanks Buckleming!) or the Burger Date, where Dean may be slightly less stunned stupid but still likely to laugh it off and not believe it. There’s not much heavy tension between them most of the season so it’s possible that the only time Cas would really get is to confess in 10x22 while telling Dean that he would have to watch him murder the world, and that would suck because I love you. At which point the story dictates that Dean beats Cas to paste so it’s a very bad look. Season 10 destiel confession is the worst. 

Season 11 may be better because Cas has options to be jealous of Crowley and Dean’s connection to Amara multiple times and then Casifer happens and that can really play up things in a season where a confession is coming. 

I think the Beer Run in 11x23 might be the only viable place, where Dean grabs Cas and takes him out for that drive for last drinks before the end of the world. Cas gets the “you’re our brother” thing and just lays into Dean with the certainty of someone who knows this is it - now or nothing - with “You know that’s crap, Dean. You wait until the end of the world and you can’t even say it. Well I can; I love you.” 

Cue awkward tension, well-placed interrupting Moose, and then the world very much not ending so that when Dean n Cas hug and kiss in front of Mary in 12x01. Well. There’s even more explaining to do to her. Since we’ve made it to Dabb era, I believe any confessions from this point onwards can just slot into the show as we got it from there since it’s entirely compatible to start season 12 assuming Dean n Cas are literally married and never be contradicted by the text in their behaviour. But since we’ve had canon Destiel since whenever, obviously the final episodes are good instead of. That.

Season 12... Going to have to go with the first sniff of true canon coming in Lily Sunder with just a few lines leaning even further in the Cas’s Angel Family Are Homophobic Assholes metaphor, leaving Cas’s relationship with Dean even more live wire exposed. Followed by The Mixtape Scene where Cas is going to confess to Dean and get him startled up out of his seat, accidentally knocking the mixtape to the floor and for a moment it’s like, did he throw it is he mad? but then he’s smooching Cas, fade to black, return to scheduled programming but the whole line about Cas stealing the Colt from under Dean’s pillow makes fuckin sense, as well as the fall out argument and how mad Dean was at Cas followed by how devastated he was at Cas’s death. This just means Dabb era continues as planned except we get a kiss in 13x06 under that big glowy cross, and some more smooching here and there when things are good from then on. 

Season 13... Hm. Cas has to do the confessing and I don’t think he’d throw that at Dean on return from death so unlike if Dean was the one who was being made to confess obviously the aforementioned glowy cross scene obviously would be it for him... Cas could keep that bottled up much longer, especially as he has so much to do with Jack this season. It’s entirely possible we go through the whole season and then Cas lobs it at Dean as a final card when he’s making his Michael decision and we actually see the scene that we didn’t get, where Cas has to watch Dean getting possessed. Except Dean is like, tearful and furious like why would you tell me that now, and anyway i’m doing this for you as well dumbass but fuck you but also how dare you anyway I need to be an archangel now and save our - your - son, bye. Cue Cas sitting there not just in total horror at what happened but also kicking himself for fucking up the moment :P I guess this way at least we can have that moment where Dean is un-Michaeled and tells Cas he’s going to shower and finger guns at him, and now we can have Cas wordlessly and furiously follow him. 

Season 14, we get Cas at Rocky’s bar confessing to Dean while figment!Pamela cheers the whole thing on. If there was EVER a time to use the power of love to snap Dean out of it, Cas upsetting his cosy routine with “this isn’t real, I’M NOT HERE IN YOUR FANTASY” is absolutely the time to pull a reverse crypt scene which has such low stakes in terms of neither of them needing to punch each other when Michael is an external aggressor.

My ONLY issue with this is that Sam has to witness the whole thing and we would get reaction shots and I am a weak mortal who will start cackling at them when I’m supposed to be having the transcendent moment of canon and the whole thing would be ruined just because of the way Jared gurns when doing reactions to dean n cas interacting. Wow thanks. Thanks a lot. 

[chaoticlarrie]

Watching spn for the 1st time in 2020

I just watched the 8x14 episode of spn for the first time and I'm super mad ??!!!

I've never watched spn before, I started after the finale aired and I learned all about it through tumblr posts. I thought that watching the show while knowing the end was crappy would soften the blow when I'll get there.

But I've watched this episode where Dean makes this all speech about how he doesn't see a light after the tunnel, how his happy ending is Sam with a wife and kids while he's dead ????

And I just want to punch a hole through a wall because that's THE EXACT ENDING he got ?! You're supposed to watch that episode on season 8 and understand that Dean lost hope, or never had it, that life could be better for him, that he could live something else, something more than hunting. And you're sad for him but his brother tries to give him more hope at the end of the episode and it kinda works a bit ? So you think, ok, Dean is in a bad place at this moment but hope's there so things will get better. Or at least that Dean will learn that he should expect more from life and try to get it.

And you're telling me that at the end of the show, 7 seasons later, he just dies without ever knowing a life outside of hunting ???? He never got to see the light after the tunnel ?? WTF.

This is so DARK. And I'm so mad because I fell in love with the character and it seems so unfair that all his sacrifices aren't rewarded. And I haven't seen half of it.

Fuck.

I've been on tumblr since 2011 and I've always seen the spn fandom and the destiel shippers and how everyone seemed to agree that the show was both garbage and immensely loved at the same and I've never quite understood how it was possible.

Well.

I've been binge watching 4 seasons in a week, I'm starting to getting it.

I also have a crap lot to say about the destiel ship, from an outsider POV and I'll post it later. But fuck. I can see how people thought that just Dean character was butchered and why the actor didn't seem to like his end.

My sympathy to the spn fandom and my ever lasting admiration for the bullshit they endured through the years.

[castielific]

The list

AO3 Link

Tags: Supernatural, Destiel, Alternate Ending, Canon Compliant (up to 15x10), Human!Castiel, First kiss Summary: 

Once there are no more monsters, the only thing left to fight for is happiness.

Here is my take on our boys’ happy ending. I hope you’ll enjoy it. 

**************************

"I hate you", Dean grumbles into his elbows. His arms are on the table, his head buried into it as he squeezes his hands over his ears. 

"I think he’s getting better," Sam lies, hiding his grimace just in time so that Dean doesn’t see it when he raises his head to glare at him. 

Dean opens his mouth, but is cut off by a particularly shrill note that makes him feel like someone is drilling right into his tympans. Even Sam can't help but squeeze his fists in pain, crumbling the edge of the book he's trying to read. 

"'This would be good for you, Castiel'," Dean says, imitating Sam. "What about us, Sam? This doesn't feel good for us!"

"It's not so bad," Sam offers miserably. 

Yes it is. It's even worse than bad. Dean flinches in pain at every horrible noise that resounds all around the bunker as Cas continues to play - or more like, tries to play - what Dean thinks is supposed to be 'Twinkle twinkle little star' on his newly acquired violin. 

Truth is, it is all Sam's fault. Dean can't ressent him that much though, because the look on Castiel's face when they went to the music store was worth the torture they've been enduring for the last two days. 

Since God has been defeated, they've all been having a serious case of cabin fever. Heaven and Hell have closed up their doors, angels and demons alike running home with their tails between their legs. Even the common monsters have gone into hiding. Apparently the Winchesters killing God has impressed them enough that they've all decided that they better keep quiet. Of course, they're still there, but smart enough not to do anything that might attract the wrath of the hunters. Apparently, they are exceptionally good at hiding when they want to because the only case the brothers have had in the last six months had been a rogue vampire that went on a rampage. He was still young and out of control. It took three hours to take him down, the whole deal was done in less than a day, even counting the drive. 

In short, hunting has become boring. All they've had to keep them busy have been some random salt and burn, nothing exciting. The rest of the time, they've stayed cooped up in the Bunker and it didn't take long for them to go crazy. Each in their own personal way. 

For his part, Sam has gone a little too far on his healthy lifestyle penchant, to the point that it became borderline unhealthy: Running up to three hours a day and eating nothing but vegetable smoothies. It lasted two months before he realized that all it was doing was giving him diarrhea and making his shins look like basketball. So now he's taken to digitizing and translating every book in their library….which sounds as exciting as getting all your teeth pulled out, if you were to ask Dean, but at least it passes the time. 

Dean's way of coping was on the polar opposite as his brother's: he decided it was as good a time as any to learn to cook better. Dean has always loved cooking and has been having a blast since they found the bunker. For the first time of his life, he has a home and a kitchen of his own. Until now, between the Amara, the Men of Letters, and all that crap with God, he never had time to really enjoy it, limiting himself to the few recipes he already knew: burgers, steak, and breakfast food. With the hunting gig slowing down though, he had all the time in the world to try his hand at more ambitious things like roast, chili, lasagna and way too many pies. 

His personal wake up call  came when he tried to put on clothes one morning and couldn't find any pants that fitted him anymore.They hadn't had a case for three weeks, and he had to admit that he became a little too familiar with sweatpants. When confronted with the terrible truth of his every single one of his jeans being suddenly too small, he had no other choice: he spent the whole day dismantling the dryer to find out why it was shrinking all his clothes. Sam had a blast mocking him and Castiel, with his usual discretion, was quite pointedly avoiding looking at Dean's stomach during that conversation. Dean spent a long time in front of the mirror after that. He regrettably had to admit that his stomach resembled more Father Christmas's belly than David Beckham's abs at this point. He started to follow Sam's health routine the very next day. Or, tried to, at least. It didn't last long before he couldn't take the smoothie torture anymore, and decided that limiting his pie intake to two per week and doing some exercise should be enough. 

Sam and him actually came to an agreement on food after that, and while Dean would never ever drink a kale smoothie again, it actually wasn't so bad to add a little more salad to his plate. 

All in all, it was a difficult time for everyone, but especially for Castiel. 

Castiel used to be an angel with a Godly purpose, a mission grander than anything people could even imagine. Then suddenly Chuck was gone, and the angels were gone too, and he just became a puny human with no real purpose, a soldier of God with no God to serve and no war to fight. Easy to say that he quickly joined Dean in his sweatpants' aficionados club. Except where Dean was happy to indulge in a laziness that he never really had a chance to try out before, Cas soon fell into depression. Even the best pies Dean made seemed tasteless to him after a time. He was lost in a human routine that he could find no pleasure in. It came to a point where he didn't even sleep in his own bed anymore, never leaving the couch except to satisfy the most basic needs. Sadly, on most days, showers didn't seem to be considered as one of those needs. 

Once they had their breakthrough about their own miserable situations, the Winchesters decided to tackle their new mission: helping Cas. 

It was Sam who proposed that they should all write a list of things they always wanted to do, but never had time for. 

They took a trip to the Grand Canyon on the very next day, dragging a reticent Castiel along. Their road trip lasted nearly a month, because they kept getting distracted by new destinations. Sam wanted to see the Harold Washington Library, Dean wanted to go to Baltimore to go to the Dangerously Delicious Pies shop he heard about while searching for new pies recipes, and so on. 

Castiel never asked to see anything, pretending gloomily that he used to be able to go anywhere in a flap of his wings, and therefore had seen everything he ever wanted too. Dean dragged him to an amusement park anyway, because he was pretty sure the angel had never been on a rollercoaster before. Dean regretted that pretty fast when Cas became strangely fond of them, saying that it reminded him of flying. They took so many rides that Dean threw up and Sam's nose bled for nearly one hour after. 

Still, it seemed like a wake up call for Cas. He spent the rest of the drive home lost in his thoughts or scribbling a list on the back of a gas station's receipt. He even asked them to stop in Utah on the way back to see the largest bee hives in the US. They ended up buying so many types of honey that they now have a cupboard full of it in the kitchen. 

They had been back to the bunker for two days when Cas declared he wanted to learn how to play an instrument. They went to a music store, where Castiel tried on every instrument from a harmonica to a full drum set. After the obligatory harps jokes, Dean tries to entice him to buy a guitar, and learn all the best Zep songs. Cas was too polite and knew better than to criticize Dean's taste in music, so he chose the guitar. Dean wasn't oblivious to the way his friend kept lingering in front of a black violin though, so he relented and bought that instead.

He's sorely regretting it now. 

It's still totally Sam's fault though, he was the one to come up with the idea of this stupid list in the first place. 

**********************

"I've decided what I want," Castiel declares as soon as the movie's credit starts rolling about a month later. 

Sam snorts, waking up from the doze he'd fallen into. He blinks at them, wiping his eyes tiredly. 

"I said no cat, Cas," Dean reminds. Apparently, one of Cas' item on his stupid list is to get a pet.

"I don't want a cat."

"I'm allergic to animal's hair," Dean reminds him, suspicious. Last night Cas declared he wanted a Camel. A freaking camel. 

"Of course, Dean, your health comes first," Cas concedes amicably. "Although, I do wonder if you're not using this as an excuse, and would not have been amenable to adopt a pet anyway, were it not the case."

Dean scratches under his ear. "What? No. Of course, I'd want one. I love animals. Just, no snakes or anything that eats living food. I know you, and you would just end up saving all the mice or something."

"You know, they do make hairless cats and dogs," Sam pipes up, smirking when Dean sends him a side glare. 

"Those are majestic creatures, indeed, Sam, but I much prefer the softness of fur. Don't you Dean?"

"What." What kind of question is that?

"Wouldn't you like it if you could have a pet with a soft fur that didn't make you sneeze and suffer so much?"

"Huh. I guess?"

"Good," Cas concludes with a jut of his chin. "His name is Honey," Cas announces, raising the kilt that was on his lap to reveal a…

"What the hell is that thing?" Dean shouts, jumping to his feet. 

"Honey is a texel guinea pig," Cas says, cuddling the little beast to his chest. The pet starts emitting a little noise in pleasure as Castiel caresses his fur. It has long curly hair. Its head is black with a white spot on the top while the rest of its body is a mismatch of large black, white and orange spots. 

"It looks like a freaking sheep!" Dean exclaims, sending a betrayed look to his brother that is already kneeling next to Cas and petting at the small animal. 

"See, Sam, we do have a guinea pig now," Cas says proudly, making Sam chuckle at what is obviously a private joke between them. 

"We don't have anything! I'm allergic, Cas, remember? My health…," Dean finishes, faking a cough. Sam rolls his eyes while Cas squints at him. 

"I don't think you are, Dean. Honey has been on my lap all night and you haven't shown any signs of allergy. I've looked at you closely to make sure."

"Do you think he likes kale?" Sam asks, taking the little beast on his own lap as he sits on the ground. 

"I think he might, Sam. The internet says guinea pigs need to eat a lot of vegetables. Do you want us to go and try to feed him some?"

"Yes!" Sam declares, squeezing delicately the pet against his chest as he gets up. 

"But-," Dean tries to protest. 

"I bought him a little hammock that he really likes," Cas tells Sam as he gets up too. 

"But I haven't-"

"That's cute! I want to see it!" Sam says eagerly.

"My allergies…," Dean finishes lamely as he watches the two other men leave the room without a look in his direction. He scowls, staring at the beer he's still holding. He sulks for all of thirty seconds before he grumbles. "Dammit, I want to see the tiny hammock too. Guys, wait for me!"

**********************

"Oh, that's...that's a nice...tree."

"It's supposed to be Sam," Cas says with a pout, looking at his very first painting.

"Yeah no, I mean, behind him? The big woody thing?"

"That's you," Castiel pouts, looking dejected. 

Dean grimaces, inclining his head to try, and identify himself in the glob of paint on the canvas. 

"So you're not Van Gogh," Dean finally declares. "Or Mozart. The important thing is that you wanted to give it a try and you did. If you liked doing it, then that's what matters, no matter the end result," Dean tries to reassure, squeezing his friend's shoulder reassuringly. He learned his lesson when his words about Cas' lack of music skill were not so delicate, and the ex-angel ended up giving him the cold shoulder for a whole week. 

When he looks back at him, Cas has a small smile on his lips and a look so full of...of something, that Dean can feel his cheeks warming a little. Seconds pass and Cas keeps staring until Dean clears his throat, forcing himself to look back at the ugly painting.

"What's next on your list?" 

A hand pulling on his arm makes him turn back toward Castiel. Dean barely has time to react before his friend's lips brush with his. It's so fast and soft that he's left blinking in confusion, wondering if that really happened. 

"This was."

Cas is still smiling, even though Dean recognizes the worried line creased between his brows. The hunter opens his mouth, but doesn't know what to say. To say that he wasn't expecting it would be an understatement. To say that he never thought about it, a lie. To say that he regrets it…

"I liked doing it," Cas declares, nodding his head in satisfaction. "Now I want to ride a horse."

"A- a horse?"

"Unless we can still get a camel?" Cas teases, acting hopeful. He sends Dean a wink - a goddamn wink - before he grabs his painting under one arm and leaves the room. 

"Ride a...Wait. Cas! We're not getting a horse either! Cas!!" 

*************************

When Dean finds him, Castiel is sitting on the bench Dean made from the trunk of one of the trees they had to cut down to make this space into their garden. The sun hasn't set yet, but the end of september's evenings are already colder. The last flowers of the season are blooming, and the vegetables they planted in the spring are starting to wilt, only a few tomatoes popping red among the green and yellowing stems. 

Cas is bending forward, forearms resting on his legs. His eyes are closed and for a minute, Dean is worried that something happened, that he's sad or sick. He's reassured when he hears the low murmur of Cas' words, see the slight smile at the corner of his lips, the one Cas always gets when he's trying to be funny. 

His friend hasn't heard him approaching yet, so Dean waits, trying not to eavesdrop on a conversation he's not supposed to be a part of. 

Dean takes the time to check on the apple trees he planted instead. They're too young yet, too small to give any fruit, but by next year, maybe...He can't wait to bake a pie with his own apples. He rolls his eyes at the thought, that's so domestic. Yet here he is, planning on planting strawberries and raspberries, checking on the squash that is starting to grow and wondering if it'll be ready by Thanksgiving. 

Vegetables are Sam's thing. Flowers and the small hive they've built are Cas'. Dean is in charge of the fruits. 

They planted their garden over the underground garage, hidden by such a large ply of trees that there is no risk of anyone stumbling upon it by accident. They had to cut down trees, dig out every root, and plow the whole area to prepare the soil. They've spent nearly all spring and a good part of summer working to create that little bit of garden on the Bunker's roof. They've bought so many gardening tools that they're already making plans to build a shed here in the spring. 

It's nice. The bunker is feeling more and more like a home, like a place Dean could feel himself growing old in, maybe. 

They've talked about buying a house, especially Sam, but somehow they can't see themselves leaving anywhere else than in the bunker. It's their legacy, the place they were always meant to be, and they've come to love it despite all the horrors that happened there in the past. 

Maybe it will change someday. Maybe Sam will want to marry someone, to buy a more traditional place with a white picket fence where he can raise kids without fearing that they'll choose a cursed object or weapon laying around as their next toy. Dean has noticed more and more of Eileen's clothes in the laundry, more of her things left behind every time she comes to visit. He hopes it's only a matter of time before he's not surprised to see her at breakfast anymore. 

By the time he's checked on the fruit part of the garden, Cas has stopped praying and is observing him. The sun is setting, painting an orange glow behind him, and for a second it nearly looks like Cas has a hallo. 

"You told Jack about the horse riding lesson?" Dean asks as he straddles the bench to sit next to his friend. He rubs his hands against the cold, blowing into them to try and warm them up a little. 

"Maybe," Cas says with a mocking smile that makes Dean balks. 

"Oh, come on, you promise you wouldn't tell anyone about me falling on my ass!"

Cas chuckles at the memory of Dean's horse throwing him into a giant mud puddle. Dean had cursed for a whole ten minutes as he struggled to stand up but kept falling right back on his ass. It made Cas laugh so much that he'd started crying. That's a thing Cas does now, he laughs. He does it more and more, and Dean is amazed by it, every single time. 

"Technically, I didn't tell anyone anything," Cas argues with a smirk. He's not wrong. They have no idea if Jack can even hear their prayers now that he's taken charge of and close up Heaven. That doesn't stop them from regularly praying to him, especially Cas. 

"You tell Sam and I'll bury your damn guinea pig next to the tomatoes," Dean threatens. 

"No you won't," Cas says with a fond smile. 

"No, I won't," Dean admits, pouting half-heartedly. He's actually come to like the damn beast. Which no one would actually know if Honey didn't start screeching every time Dean comes near it, calling for the treat that he knows Dean will give him. It was supposed to be their little secret but Honey blew their cover more than once. Dean is still pretending he hates the little ball of fluff, on principle, even though no one is fooled anymore. 

"You were right about the horse, I hadn't realized the amount of dejection it actually produces," Cas concedes. "Also, my bottom is sore from the ride," he adds, squirming a little in his seat. 

Dean chokes a little on his saliva at the image that brings to mind. Honestly, even without the innuendo, watching Cas ride a horse, hips rising and bending over the saddle, has done quite a number on Dean's libido. If he hadn't been questioning his sexuality before, he would definitely be now. Good thing he already was. Cas kissing him has been the only thing on his mind for days now. They haven't talked about it, and Cas is acting like it didn't even happen, but Dean has barely slept since then, spending his nights thinking about Cas' lips on his, and how he might possibly maybe want to do that again. 

"Did you kiss Sam too?" he blurts out. It's not the most subtle or delicate way to bring up the subject, but apparently that's what his brain has chosen to say. Damn you, brain! 

"Why would I kiss Sam?" Cas asks, looking genuinely astounded by the question. 

"Wasn't that on your list?" Dean asks, scratching the back of his neck. 

Cas squints at him like he's the most idiotic thing he's ever seen and, well, Dean probably is. 

Dean squirms under the stare, rubbing his hands again, as much against the cold as in nervousness. The ex angel gives a long suffering sigh before he grabs Dean's wrists. He pulls on his hands until they're under his own sweater. Dean is so startled that he just looks at the bulge his hands are making over Cas' stomach with wide eyes, not daring to move his fingers. They're nestled between Cas' tee-shirt and his abdominal muscles. It's so warm under there that his skin is tingling from the temperature difference. 

"You're an idiot, Dean Winchester," Cas declares. Dean looks up, and Cas is looking at him so fondly that it makes him blush a little. 

"Yeah," he sighs. "I know."

"I must be one too, because I would very much like you to be my idiot for as long as you would have me," Cas confesses, a little shy as he draws patterns on the shape of Dean's fingers over the tissue of his sweater. 

"I'm not sure, Cas," Dean says, making the other man tense up. "Are you sure you want to be stuck with me forever?"

It takes a minute for Cas to get his meaning, brow furrows intensely before they relax in realization. 

"That was my plan all along," Cas says, his smile so wide it's showing his gums. 

And yeah, knowing Cas, it probably was. Cas would have stayed by Dean's side forever whether he was an angel or a human or even a God. Hell, Cas was ready to stay by his side when Dean was turning into a monster bearing the mark of Cain, and when he was a demon. He wanted to stay by Dean's side even when Dean was cruel and screaming at him to go. It was the irony of it all, wasn't it? It always felt like Cas was leaving him, running away for angel business or whatever, but Dean never ever doubted that he would come back. He always knew Cas would come back somehow. After all, even death could never keep Cas away for long. 

Dean slides his hands a little higher, making Cas shiver as they travel over his torso under his shirt. Dean's fingers tightens around the cloth, and pulls Cas closer, close enough that their noses are nearly touching. 

"And now it's mine too," Dean sworns,resting his forehead against the other man's. He cradles Cas' jaw, passing a thumb under one of his eyes. The stubborn angel refuses to close them, even though they're so close that he's going cross eyed. Still, he keeps looking right into Dean's green orbits and hell, that must mean Dean can't keep his eyes off Cas either

When they kiss, it's sappy and tender and sweet and everything Dean always thought he could never have. The relief he feels makes Dean wonders if it isn't everything he's been waiting for all along, without even realizing it. 

Cas is right by his side, as always, and Dean is damn well going to keep him as close as he can for as long as he possibly can. And hey, he knows the guy ruling Heaven now, so that might just be forever. 

The End. 

[dotthings]

Oh, please spare me with your disingenuous back-pedaling “when I say hellers I don’t mean all Destiel shippers.” No, you pretty much do. Every single godamn wanky anti-Destiel entitled stan I’ve had to deal with in this fandom always means all Destiel shippers, and they complain about the most ridiculous sh*t that is actually just fans being fans, and take a few bad apples and behaviors that I can’t endure from the Destiel lane myself and call out on twitter quite often, and turn that into their justification to crap on us at every opportunity and put that hate into inappropriate places. And then, if someone noticed and objects, they play wide-eyed innocent “but I didn’t mean ALL Destiel shippers.”

Yeah you did. I see your pattern your words, and I see this behavior pattern over and over and you pretty much hate being reminded Destiel exists, you hate being reminded it’s loved, you hate Destiel shippers, so you post generalizations and passive aggressive concern trolling self-victimizing posts like we’re ruining everything when most of us are just out there trying to love on what we love and MOST OF US LOVE MULTIPLE THINGS YOU DUMF*CKS  but we get gatekeeped out of Sam, we get gatekeeped out of the bro bond (and some who ship wincest and destiel get gatekeeped everywhere by both sides all the time and I’m sorry for that, it’s not fair), we get gatekeeped out of Sastiel (or Sam & Cas friendship love), we get gatekeeped out of Saileen, we still get blamed for everything that goes wrong in this fandom while some people just won’t relent or stop being so ruthlessly HATEFUL all the time against Destiel shippers and against Destiel. Guess what the SAME PEOPLE who are the worst offenders on that? Are going after your precious Saileen pretty intensely. You’d think the lightbulb might go on about all this, but no. It never has. I’ve dealt with this wanky fandom for 15 seasons. There’s people incapable of ever getting it. But on the off chance for some CAPABLE OF GETTING IT, I decided to go off.

[petrichoravellichor]

The Long Haul

^Gorgeous art is a commission from the talented @holydean.

(Written mid-Season 14; canon divergent in that Michael and the Empty are both no longer threats.)

Rating: M

Tags: Destiel, denial of feelings, angst with a happy ending, first kiss

******

Dean couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this exhausted. What had initially seemed like a routine salt-and-burn just south of Wichita had quickly devolved into a case involving a set of cursed sex toys and no less than five very pissed off ghosts who’d apparently never quite gotten over their commune catching fire during an orgy back in the ’70s. He and Cas had managed it, but only barely.

As soon as the final spirit vanished with a burst of flame and several outdated--and, Dean couldn’t help but feel, pretty damn hypocritical, all things considered--slurs, Dean slumped against the nearest tree, closing his eyes and wincing slightly at what felt like at least one bruised rib. 

So much for hippies being all about peace and love and all that crap...

No sooner had the thought crossed his mind than Dean felt a familiar, feather-light touch against his temple. The pain in his abdomen faded, replaced by a warm, tingling sensation, and Dean opened his eyes just in time to see Cas’s gaze return from burning ice to its normal shade of blue.

“Are you all right?” Cas asked quietly, withdrawing his hand, and Dean nodded.

“Yeah, ’m good, thanks. Man, talk about one for the books. Can’t wait to fill Sammy in on what he and Jack missed.”

Cas quirked a small smile. “Yes, I’m sure Sam will deeply regret not having been here for--what was the term you used? Oh, right: this ‘literal clusterfuck of a case.’ As for Jack, I’ll admit to more than a little relief that we don’t have to explain the particulars of, ah, group love. Truth be told,” admitted Cas with a thoughtful tilt of his head, “I’m not sure I fully understand all of the mechanics myself.”

Dean smirked. “Yeah, well, don’t worry, buddy; it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Three can be fun, but any more than that’s just too much damn work.” 

That earned him a shocked stare that quickly softened into one of amusement when Cas caught the glint in Dean’s eyes. “You’re joking.”

Dean chuckled, pushing off the tree and clapping Cas on the shoulder as he brushed past. “Not about three bein' fun, but yeah, never done anything beyond that. So, you ready to head back? Should be able to make it home before dawn if we get goin’ now.”

“Dean, you’re exhausted. We should go back to the motel and leave in the morning, after you’ve rested.”

“Nah, place had crappy beds, and I miss my damn memory foam. Besides,” he added with a shrug as they approached Baby, “ain’t like I’ve never driven tired before.”

It was true. From the time he’d first learned to drive--which had admittedly been well before he was legally old enough to drive--Dean had grown accustomed to long hauls on the open road. Often it had been because his dad had been hurt after a hunt gone awry; on other, rarer occasions such as his parents’ wedding anniversary, it was because John was drunk, and Dean sure as hell wasn’t going to let him drive with Sam in the car. Even in later years, when it had just been the two brothers, Dean had continued his habit of refusing Sam’s offers to drive when they were both obviously tired, usually by bitching about his younger brother’s probable choice of music until Sam would roll his eyes and shuffle toward the passenger side in defeat. Secretly, Dean didn’t give a damn what Sam played on the radio, but he always smiled when Sam, almost inevitably, ended up snoring softly against the passenger door. Some things, Dean knew, you just endured for the sake of the people you cared about.

Dean was reaching for the driver-side door when his fingers were abruptly blocked by Cas’s hand covering the handle. Letting out a huff of annoyance, he turned to ask Cas what the hell only to find a look of equal if not greater stubbornness on the angel’s face. “And it isn’t like I’m not an angel of the Lord who doesn’t need to rest. You haven’t slept properly in days, and that fight took more out of you than you’re willing to admit. So, either you hand me the keys, or I’ll put you to sleep and retrieve them myself.”

If it had been anyone else, Dean would have continued to argue, but as he met Cas’s determined glare, he felt a long-familiar flush that he knew had nothing to do with anger creeping up the back of his neck. 

Son of a bitch, not again...

“Fine,” Dean grumbled, shoving the keys into Cas’s free hand before the angel could discern things in his expression that Dean would strongly prefer to leave unsaid. He stalked around to the passenger side, mentally kicking himself with words like Cas and off limits and freaking angel, for fuck’s sake. Dean had long since come to accept, albeit grudgingly, that he might not be as straight as he’d once thought, but that didn’t mean he was going to let himself go full-metal gay for his best friend just because the way Cas looked at him made him feel things sometimes. If there was one thing Dean was good at besides killing monsters, it was burying shit he’d rather not deal with.

They drove in silence, the late hour meaning that they had the road largely to themselves. Dean was determined to stay awake, but it turned out that pure spite wasn’t quite the energizer he remembered it to be, and he ended up drifting into an uneasy sleep about thirty minutes into the drive. 

He dreamed that he was underwater, flailing and gasping for breath. Fighting panic, he made a frantic swim for the surface only to find that it was a solid, translucent wall he was powerless to break through. 

No...God, no, please, not again...

He hadn’t been strong enough. Michael had won. And just like that, Dean knew that he was looking out through his body’s eyes and that those were his hands wrapped around Cas’s neck in the bunker kitchen, Sam and Jack’s crumpled bodies lying on the floor nearby. All around Dean, a horrible, smug voice echoed through the depths...

Because I can, Dean. Because I can. 

Dean screamed. He beat his fists against the barrier until blood filled the water and stung his eyes, but it didn’t matter, nothing mattered, he couldn’t do a damn thing to put the light back in Cas’s eyes, couldn’t even catch the angel’s body as it too was tossed aside. He was helpless, he was useless, and this was all his fault, it was all his fault, it was--

“Dean!"

--all his--

“Dean!”

--fault...

“Dean, wake up!”

Dean opened his eyes with a gasp, jolting violently against an unyielding solid, and oh god, it hadn’t been a dream, he really was trapped, he--

“Dean.” Strong arms wrapped around him, gripping him tightly, and Dean heard the click of his seatbelt being released before he was pulled forward into a protective embrace. “Dean, it’s all right, you’re all right.” 

“...Cas?”

“I’m here.”

“Michael, he--” 

“Michael is gone. We beat him. You’re safe.”

So are you. 

Dean closed his eyes, let his head fall forward onto Cas’s shoulder, personal space be damned. “Fuck,” he whispered, his voice weak and muffled against the rough fabric of Cas’s trenchcoat. “Fuck, goddamn it...”

They stayed like that, Cas’s hands moving in soothing circles against Dean’s back as Dean worked to regain control of his breathing. Dimly, he realized that Cas must have pulled over before managing to wake him: as he gazed sideways out the windshield, he saw wild grass illuminated by the headlights Cas hadn’t bothered to turn off. Part of Dean knew that he should pull back, that in his current position and state of mind he was liable to say something he’d immediately regret, but before he could muster up the energy to move, he was stilled by the soft sound of Cas’s voice:

“All the pain you’ve endured throughout your life...I wish that I could take it away.”

Dean felt a lump forming in his throat. “Yeah, well,” he managed to say, “’s’not like me cryin’ ’bout it’s gonna do any good. I can deal with it, ’s what I do.”

“I know.” Dean could hear the slow smile in Cas’s voice, even if he couldn’t see it. “You are the strongest being I have ever known, and in spite of everything you’ve gone through--”

“I’m a fucking mess, Cas.”

“--in spite of everything you’ve gone through, you are brave, and you are thoughtful, and you are kind.” There was a pause, and Dean felt the rough tickle of Cas’s stubble as the angel turned to brush his lips against the base of Dean’s neck. “You are good, Dean Winchester, whether or not you let yourself believe it.” Another pause; when Cas spoke again, his voice was barely louder than a whisper: “And if you cannot love yourself, then I will love you enough for the both of us.”

Dean stiffened in surprise, his breath catching in a way that should have been painful, except...no. No, he must have misunderstood, because there was no way, it just wasn’t possible...

“I love you, Dean.”

 ...unless...

Dean pulled back abruptly, just far enough to see Cas’s face. The way Cas was looking at him...God, it shouldn’t have been possible, Dean never thought it could ever be fucking possible, and yet...

...it was. 

I’m done burying this.

Before he could lose his nerve, Dean leaned forward into Cas and kissed him. Cas made a deep, needy sound in the back of his throat and pulled Dean flush against his chest, returning the kiss an intensity that burned away any trace of doubt still lingering in Dean’s mind. He wrapped one arm around Cas’s torso and brought his other hand up to tangle in the angel’s hair, gripping Cas just as tightly as Cas was gripping him and knowing in the most profound depths of his soul that this was good, this was right. 

He'd finally gotten something right.

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 10x05: “Fan Fiction”

As a former theatre kid, this episode brings me so much joy.

“Ghost? Meet Winchester.”

There’s our girl!

“Where is the Samulet?”

“Oh! I took it off. It kept hitting me in the lips, and...”

“That amulet is the symbol of the Winchesters' brotherly love!”

!!!

“There is too much drama in the drama department.” Well...yeah.

“Why couldn't they just do ‘Godspell’ like good little skanks ? Instead it's this... awful, unbelievable horror story. Hmm! Like that stuff really happens! Huh, theater is about life, you know? Truth! Truth! Where is the truth in ‘Supernatural’?”

What the fuck kind of teacher is this??

I had a theater teacher who told us theatre was magic. I think she would’ve liked Marie’s play about Supernatural.

There she goes.

“I mean, it's close, but it's just.... It needs a little more grrrr!”

Our very special title card.

“Sundown” by Gordon Lightfoot

Our beautiful Baby.

Dean awake before Sam? A shocker.

“A teacher in an all girls school went missing in Flint, Michigan. She was heading to her car, disappeared, and nobody's seen her since.”

“Dean, there's nothing here that even remotely suggest there is a case.”

“There is nothing that even remotely suggest there isn't a case. Boom!”  

Logic!

Hell yes!

Thank you, thank you, thank you Robbie Thompson.

“Ugh, theater kids. Great.”  

“What? I was a theater kid.”

“Barely. You did ‘Our Town’, which was cool. But then, you did that crappy musical.”

“The - ‘Oklahoma’? Hugh Jackman got cast off of ‘Oklahoma’.”

“You ran tech, Wolverine.”

Hey, Techies are just as important as the actors.

They missed the huge banner advertising the show??

hahahaha, their faces are hilarious. Granted, if I found out someone made a musical about my life, I’d be speechless too.

“If there is case... It probably has something to do with all of this.” It has everything to do with it.

Marie, writer/director, and Maeve, the stage manager. (Fun fact: I was a stage manager once! Lots of fun, work, and telling people to shut up and pay attention.)

“I'm Special Agent Smith. This is my partner, Special Agent -”

“Smith.”

“Smith. No relation.”

Again with the joke.

There’s plenty of singing in Supernatural, mostly from you, Dean.

“If there was singing, it would be classic rock. Not this Andrew Floyd Webber crap -”

“Andrew Lloyd Webber.”

Love the improv correction.

Don’t shoot down “Carry on Wayward Son”, Sam.

I also had a theater teacher who went through a divorce.

“Maeve, right? You're the stage manager?”

“And I understudy Jody Mills.”

Maeve would make a great Jody!

“I'm gonna throw up.” Shush, Dean.

“I mean, I gotta say, it's kind of charming. The production value, and the...” I love Sam’s sincere interest tho.

Rule #1: You never touch the props.

“Why are they standing so close together?”

“Um...Reasons.”

“You know they're brothers, right?”

“Well, duh! But... Subtext.”

We gotta address that.

“You know, back when I did tech in school, we had two CD decks-”

“I'm sorry, I have to go sign the delivery.”

Aww Sam! I would love to hear his theater stories.

Pfft, Sam.

“There's no space in Supernatural.” We got close to it...

“Chuck stopped writing after ‘Swan Song’. I just- I couldn't leave it the way that it was! I mean, Dean not hunting anymore, living with Lisa?! Sam, somehow back from Hell, but not with Dean?! So, I wrote my own ending.” I don’t blame her.

“Dean becomes a woman.” Would still wanna see that happen in an episode.

“So, Sam came back from Hell. But without a soul. Then, Cas brought in a bunch of Leviathans from Purgatory. They lost Bobby. And then, Cas and Dean got stuck in Purgatory, Sam hit a dog. They met a prophet named Kevin, they lost him too. Then Sam endured a series of trials, in an attempt to close the gates of Hell. Which nearly cost him his life. Then Dean? Dean became a demon. Knight of Hell, actually.”

S6-9 summary, courtesy of Dean.

Here comes the second hand embarrassment.

“That is some of the worst fan fiction that I've ever heard ! I mean, seriously, I don't know where your friend found this garbage!” Oof, I still don’t like that.

“Siobhan and Kristen are a couple in real life. Although, we do explore the nature of Destiel in act two.”

“Sorry, what?”

“Oh, it's just subtext ! But, then again, you know, you can't spell subtext without.... s-e-x.”

!!!!!

Hi, Jensen.

“I don’t understand.”

“Me either.”

“I mean, shouldn't it be... Deastiel?”

LMAO SAM.

“You know... How about Sastiel? Samstiel?”

“Ok, alright. You know what? You're gonna do that thing, where you just shut the hell up. Forever.”

Teasing brother, Sam.

“This whole musical thing, everything, it's... It's all a coincidence? There is no case?” When is it ever just a coincidence?

“Get in the car!”  

!!!!!!!

BUT HE NEVER DENIED IT THOO, that’s all i’m saying.

“You know, we should've done ‘The Outsiders’, like I told you.”

Maggie’s the second person to get kidnapped.

“I called the cops, and a bunch of adults just told me I have an overactive imagination.” :(

“It is all real. And so are we. I'm Sam Winchester. That's Dean.” NO NO NO.

“You guys are way too old to be Sam or Dean.”

“Oh, yeah!”

“More of a Bobby/Rufus combo? Maybe.”

How old do they think Sam and Dean should be???

“We are what the books called hunters.” They believe that.

First guess: a tulpa.

“How do you kill an idea?”  

“Well, in ‘Hell House’, Sam and Dean burnt the house down, to take out the one tulpa they hunted.”

Correct!

“Gird your loins. It's horrifying.” Umm...okay.

I love how reluctant Marie was to burn her prop.

“What?”

“It’s not a tulpa.”

“Say it one more time, but just a little bit more Arnold--”  

LMAO, Dean.

Calliope.

“According to the lore, Calliope manifests creatures from the story she's tuned into.”

The show must go on.

An understandable panic attack over the possibility of getting eaten.

“Is Marie gonna get eaten?” Shush.

I love when Dean calls people “champ”. It’s so sweet and endearing.

“If Sam and Dean were real, they wouldn't back down from a fight. Especially my sweet, brave, selfless Sam. There's nothing he can't do.” !!!

“I used this for my one-woman ‘Orphan Black’ show, last year.” Marie is the theater kid I would’ve lowkey wanted to be.

“Writer. Director. Actor. I'm gonna Barbra Streisand this bitch.” FUCK YES! KICK IT IN THE ASS!

Dean fixing Stage!Cas’ tie!!

Funny Sam asked for Chuck...

“Oh! I-I, I love him. I do! But honestly, the whole author introducing himself into the narrative thing, it's just not my favorite. I kind of hate the meta stories.” I politely disagree.

“Alright, listen up, girls. Now, you're all here, because you love ‘Supernatural’.”

“Actually, I was hoping we'd do ‘Wicked’.” 

“I want you to get out there, and I want you to stand as close as she wants you to, and I want you to put as much sub and add text, as you possibly can. There is no other road. No other way. No day, but today.”

“Did he just quote ‘Rent’?”

“Not enough to get us into trouble.”

“Ghooooost-facerssss!”  This episode just adds wonderful years to my lifespan.

You know what I would pay to watch this play in full???

“The Road So Far”

There it is.

The misunderstood thumbs up, lmao.

Sam goes bye bye.

Maggie and the teacher.

They were in the school’s basement.

Hello, Calliope.

“I’ll Just Wait Here Then”

Nothing makes me more emotional than seeing the audience fall in love Stage!Cas, much like we did with our real Cas.

“If I have to sit through that second act, one more time... There's robots, and tentacles, and space. I can't even.” lol

“A Single Man Tear”

That exorcism special effect is so wonderful! I can see how they do it now, but from the audience’s POV, it’s absolutely magical.

What the hell did the audience think Dean was doing??

“We're through the looking glass, here, people. Strike the wendigo set, let's prep the priests costumes. And Sarah? Get understudies into hair and makeup.” Maeve’s a A+ stage manager.

“Supernatural has everything. Life. Death. Resurrection. Redemption. But above all, family. All sorts of music you can really tap your toe to. It isn't some meandering piece of genre dreck. It's... epic!” Agreed.

Stage!Dean is a pro if she could keep singing with everything going on in the background.

lmao at the one guy putting on his poncho.

Original Stage!Sam knocks out Calliope.

Understudy!Sam kills the Scarecrow.

Sam kills Calliope. A trifecta of Sam Awesomeness.

RIP Calliope. Killed by Sam.

The audience must be wondering how they managed to do that for years.

“Take a bow, Sammy.” Take a bow too, Dean.

“Thanks for saving my friends.”

“Sure.”

“You know? If you'd cut your hair a little, you'd make a pretty good Dean.”

Aww.

“Dean? You never should've thrown this away.” YYYEEESSS

“It never really worked. And, I don't need a symbol to remind me how I feel about my brother, so...”

“Just take it. Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

I love Dean’s panic when he realizes he just called a teenage girl a “bitch” without meaning to, lmaoo.

Take it away Stage!Winchesters!

Let me tell you, I literally bursted into tears when they started singing “Carry On Wayward Son”. It’s beautifully done.

Starting with Stage!Mary, who is more or less Square 1 of the entire story.

i remember a lot of people being upset about Cas not being part of the family lineup at the end, and I get it. But if Marie was only going off of the first 5 seasons, it makes sense that she didn’t see Cas as family yet because Sam and Dean didn’t see Cas as family yet. They’re just one year shy of that.

BUT the same girl who plays Cas is on stage as Adam, a technical Winchester. You could say Cas took over Adam’s role as the third Winchester “brother” because canonically speaking, that’s the highest title Sam and Dean have given Cas.

“Who's that?”

“Oh, that's Adam. John Winchester's other kid. He's still trapped in the cage, in Hell. With Lucifer.”

lmaooo. Awkward.

“Don’t you cry no more.” I sing, while crying.

I wish he had kept the Samulet Part 2 on there.

A picture perfect ending.

...One last surprise.

“Oh my gosh! But wait... That means that- Calliope came for me or for-?” Did Marie know who he was?

I thought it was Cas...

I legit lost my goddamn mind when I saw him.

A perfect episode of Supernatural, in my most humble opinion.

[starsinursa]

Destiel Fic Recs

I’ve decided to put together a rec list of my favorite Destiel fics....because I have read so, SO many fics in this fandom. All those times when I should have been writing? Or working? Or cleaning my house? Yeahhh, I was reading fics instead. I also tend to be a really picky reader, so I wanted to share a few fics that really made an impression on me, in the hopes that other people will enjoy them as well and maybe find some new fics they haven’t read yet. :)

I’ll do my best not to give anything away that will ruin the story, but be warned, there might be some minor spoilers – but probably not anything worse than you would find out just by reading the tags or summaries. 

I will add to this list occasionally.

Last updated: January 13, 2018

List of fics is under the cut!

❤ = absolute favorites

CANON!VERSE FICS

What Has Eight Tentacles and Isn’t Allowed to Eat Pie?, 16k words, Teen

Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting.

Or, the one where Dean gets turned into an octopus.

This fic is adorable. It takes place in the bunker after Dean touches something he shouldn’t, and they have to find a way to turn him back. Dean’s point of view as he struggles to learn about being an octopus is hilarious, Sam is appropriately exapserated, and Cas is the biggest sweetheart on the planet as he helps take care of Dean. Bonus: there’s some wonderful Kevin inclusion in this fic, including him shrieking like a little girl.

❤ A Room of One’s Own, 94k words, Explicit

All Dean wants is a little privacy. Cas doesn't understand.

This fic is AMAAAZING. I’m sure almost everyone has read it because it’s very well-known, but listen, it’s well-known for a reason. Dean’s characterization is spot on, the fic is soulful and sometimes hilarious and sometimes a little angsty and really, really, really fucking hot. *fans self* Here is my absolute favorite quote from the fic, just as a teaser:

"Your exact words, as I recall, were 'Do not frigging come into the frigging bathroom without a frigging express invitation, you frigging pervert.'”

Cuckoo and Nest, 10k words, Explicit.

For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental.

It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.

This was lovely. Dean and Castiel are together, but nothing comes easy and they to have to learn how to compromise and how they fit into each other’s lives. The characterization in this story was spot-on, and it features a wonderfully nit-picky, clean-freak Dean, which I adore and don’t see often enough.

❤ I Dream of Deannie series, 71k words, Explicit.

While on a hunt, Castiel gets a dose of djinn toxin, and finally gets to experience what he's really wanted all along. Set vaguely S5ish. Shameless Destiel PWP. Continued in "The First Time, Again."

The first fic in this series is basically just smut involving Cas and djinn!Dean, but the rest of the fics are where it starts getting REALLY good. After being saved from the djinn, things start developing in real life between Cas and Dean, and it’s WONDERFUL. One of the most well-written, realistic ways that I’ve ever seen their relationship develop in a canon!verse fic, it really holds true to the characterization for me. Also, most amazing love confession ever. Also, really hot sex scenes.

Hesitation, 24.5k words, Explicit

Zachariah orders Castiel to seduce Dean in order to strengthen his allegiance to heaven. Castiel thinks it will be something to endure. Dean just thinks Castiel wants him. Neither one is right.

This fic...ughhh, what to even say, it’s wonderful and also heart-breaking. It’s basically as the summary says: Zachariah orders Cas to sleep with Dean, which he does, even though he doesn’t really want to... at first. Dean has no idea about Cas’ orders... at first. You might want to avoid it if you’re squicked out by potential dub!con, but I thought this fic was handled really well and I didn’t really see it that way. The dub!con is because of Cas’ orders, but Dean is never the one who forces Cas into anything and he’s very patient and wonderful, and things get worked out in the end.

Holy!Dean series, 120k words, Explicit.

Dean Winchester has grown used to God dicking around in his life the last couple years. But this crap? This takes the CAKE ... or pie, rather. Now he's been thrown a whole new curve-ball. The kind that has ended the Civil War in Heaven ... but resulted in Raphael taking over, and hunting for Dean's ass on a silver platter. Not to mention dealing with Balthazar acting like a self-righteous prick, Sam having some big damn epiphany on his big brother's sexuality, and Cas eying him up like he's the world's juiciest cheeseburger. All that mixed with the chance to fix it all and set everything to rights ... but only if Dean is willing to sacrifice himself. Again. Seriously, if he ever meets that bastard God he's gonna- ... oh hey, Chuck! What are you doing here?

This was so good! Chuck picks Dean to be his “successor” as God, so Dean has to learn about sacrifices, love, and how to use his fancy new mojo. Castiel, Gabriel, and Balthazar are all in the story, which I love, because angel shenanigans are the best. This series is hilarious most of the time and very sweet at other times.

Brother Lover, 4k words, Teen

"However- and it doesn't happen a lot- they have to invoke 'I saw her first'."

Dean thinks that Castiel is in love with Sam. Just a short fic involving a misunderstanding and some pining, but it’s very sweet and amusing.

AU FICS

❤  ❤ ❤  Living Broken Adjacent, 135k words, Explicit.

Hunt/Capture/Celebrate/Repeat. Dean Winchester’s world in four words: simple with no fuss. He’s not had a single, life-altering moment in the 13 years since he joined his dad as a professional bounty hunter. Why fix what’s not broken?

That is, until everything around Dean comes to a screeching halt, leaving him alone in new surroundings. Suddenly, Dean’s forced to live in his own version of the Cuckoo’s Nest with the biter, the licker, and the joker. Where angels abound, and his roommate’s haunting blue eyes make him wonder about all his past choices. He’s got this no problem, right? WRONG!

Who knew laughter and love could be found within the dull, institutional walls of a psychiatric hospital, teaching Dean that no one is ever truly broken, but sometimes you simply find yourself lost and stumbling through a life where you are living

…broken adjacent.

I absolutely adore this fic. It has EVERYTHING: Dean in eyeliner, Dean with tattoos, Cas with tattoos, multiple “angels” (Gabriel, Inias, Samandriel, Gadreel), angst, fluff, humor, sex, redemption... it’s wonderful. The author does really well portraying the mental health issues realistically - sometimes there is progress, sometimes there are set-backs, but above all, the characters are MORE than their diagnoses. I also love the relationship between Dean and Cas in this fic. Even though there are angsty parts because they’re all dealing with their own issues, the actual relationship that develops between them is so, so sweet and almost innocent. And last but not least, although kind of random, there is the COOLEST baby name in this fic, A+ for wordplay and puns.

❤ Love, Take Your Toll, 8.5k words, Teen

Cas sees hundreds of faces every day, but there's only one that he really cares about.

Cas works in a toll booth and Dean drives through his lane frequently. This is sweet and has some good pining, and honestly made me a little misty-eyed, Cas is just so genuine and lonely and I just want to hug him.

I love almost every fic by this author, so I’ve recced several of their fics in this post. Seriously, they’re all wonderful - charming, sometimes friggin’ hilarious, and they always leave me smiling. The only problem? I wish all of these stories were longer, I need more!

❤ The Return Policy, 13k words, Explicit

"Most of his visitors are academics. They come from universities all over the nation, sometimes beyond. Others write books. The man in the Reading Room today is neither. He’s a tall, irritated man with a federal badge."

The federal agent's partner is usually the one who does the research. And even though Cas doesn't think this man is a real federal agent, he's happy to help where he can.

Featuring still-a-hunter!Dean and Cas, who works in the Library of Congress. Let me just say one thing: hand kink. If you have even the slightest hand kink, you will enjoy this fic. The characterization is also wonderful and so true to the characters, including Dean’s A+ comebacks, so please enjoy this brief excerpt as an example:

It is in the archives that Cas realizes he has another condition. He scowls when he sees Dean handling a scarred leather album of Beckley’s with his naked hands. He reaches into his pocket and thrusts his extra pair of gloves at Dean.

“Have some care,” he says.

“You—have some…care,” Dean mutters mutinously as soon as he turns away,  but at least he puts them on.

❤ The Request, 36k words, Mature

When Sam Winchester prays for his brother, Castiel is finally sent on his very first assignment. But what should be a simple love match turns into much more and Castiel finds himself risking everything to ensure the happiness of his extremely frustrating charge.

This is the cutest fic ever. Castiel is an angel who is the black sheep of his family, and he gets assigned to help Dean find his soulmate. They get a little sidetracked because Castiel helps Dean find some closure about an issue from his past, too. The interactions between Cas and Dean are wonderful, Cas is adorable and naive but still a bamf, and Sam is the best brother ever. I really love this fic, I read it over and over.

The Parts of Our Sum, 55k words, Explicit

Castiel, a former soldier, has worked for the Company his entire life. They've been good to him, providing clothes, shelter and new body parts whenever necessary. Now the Company's gearing up for a space exploration voyage, and Castiel's volunteered for the research team. During the preparation period, he meets Dean Winchester, who makes Castiel wonder about the things he's missed out on.

This is a great sci-fi fic! In a world where humans can be augmented and “improved”, Castiel has a few of these improvements and works for the “Company” that provided them. He meets Dean, who has some strong opinions and biases against the “Company”, even though he’s working for them too, and they develop an interesting and rocky friendship. Some good pining and a happy ending!

❤ Peanut Butter-Pumpkin Wedding Cake, 30k words, Explicit

Dean is a waiter in a strip club to put his kid brother through school. Castiel is dragged to the club as a part of his sister Anna's bachelorette party. Dean and Cas hit it off, but Dean thinks Cas is the one marrying Anna.

This fic is delightful - it’s basically a romcom, I could absolutely see this fic happening on the big screen. Everything starts with a big misunderstanding, but Dean is still drawn to Cas despite his better judgement, and things get worked out in the end. Sam is a big part of this story and he’s DELIGHTFUL, I laughed so hard at some of their brotherly antics and squabbles.

Heaven and Hell Escort Service, 123k words, Explicit

Loosely based on the film 'The Wedding Date'. Castiel Novak is a high class escort, and an expensive one at that. He likes to help people, and being an escort allows him to do that... barely. Dean Winchester is a mechanic/waiter who may have accidentally told his father he has a long-term boyfriend to bring along to Sam's wedding. Desperate times call for desperate measures... an escort service might not be what he wants, but it could be exactly what he needs.

I really enjoyed this fic. Another one that reads like a good romcom, with some humor, some pining, some revelations, and some hot lovin’. The attraction, pining, and UST between Castiel and Dean will keep you on the edge of your seat, yelling at them to just get together already.

❤ Broadway Musical, 12.5k words, Mature

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

Another fic that I have read several times, this one is wonderful! The angels are trying to get Dean and Jo to be together. Castiel decides to be more hands-on and steps in to help their cause, but nothing goes as planned. The fic is a delight and very funny the entire way through: Jimmy is still sharing Cas’ vessel and makes hilarious observations, the angels watch everything and bicker and squabble and make suggestions, and towards the end of the fic, there’s a cameo by Lucifer that had me DYING. Literally SCREAMING with laughter.

The Way to a Man’s Heart is Through Chlamydia, 89k words, Explicit

Dean doesn't expect to see his one night stand again, but then again he also doesn't expect to find out he has an STD. Sometimes life is hilarious like that.

This was a lovely feel-good story! It starts out with Dean going through a rather crappy time in his life, he finds out his girlfriend was cheating on him and they break up, and he finds a one-night stand (Cas) to get his mind off things. Turns out he has chlamydia from his ex, so of course he has to do the right thing and track down his one-night stand to let him know, and things with him and Cas go from there. It’s an interesting fic because it starts with sex first, but then the rest of the fic is Dean and Cas going more slowly and romancing each other.

Carnival Oasis series, 43k words, Explicit.

Castiel is a being that feeds on sin. Lucky for him, Dean has plenty of sin to spare.

Dean is still a hunter and he runs across Cas, a supernatural being that gets his jollies by “feeding” off the guilt of others. I enjoyed this fic because, despite what you might think, Cas is still mostly the earnest and dedicated Cas we all know, who just wants to be accepted and loved. Is there such as thing as a love!kink? If so, Cas definitely has a love!kink in this fic. Oh, and the sex in this fic was… whew. *fans self* Smokin’ hot. Lots of good sexin’ in there. 

❤ Bring It On Home, 40k words, Mature

Multi-chapter Dean/Cas AU. Dean the Sales Rep just moved into the neighborhood, and his neighbor is a definitely crazy shut-in. Now complete! Ch. 30: Dean narrowed his eyes. "I'm not lovely. Knitted tea cozies are lovely."

This was one of the first Destiel fics I ever read, and it remains one of my favorites. Dean is more similar to Dean Smith - he has a house, a good job, a fairly stable life - and Cas is more similar to Endverse!Cas - he uses recreational drugs, reads auras, and is a pretty weird guy. That being said, this fic is actually really, really sweet, and hilarious at times, and there is some wonderful prose and writing, there are a few paragraphs and sentences that are simply gorgeous and beautifully written and full of imagery. 

❤ Shortskirts’ Verse, 22k words, Explicit

So, they're in high school, and then they're in college, and it's mostly not about Taylor Swift, except when it is.

Super sweet and feel-good! Dean and Cas start dating in high school, keep dating throughout college, and Dean plays baseball. Whenever I want a fluffy fic to cheer me up, this is the one I read. I really love Dean in this fic - he’s come to terms with his sexualitty and he’s loving and caring and doesn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks about his relationship with Cas, and it heals my shipper’s heart. There’s also a hilarious misunderstanding with his baseball team.

Home is Where, 15k words, Explicit

Casual vagrant Dean Winchester blows into Palo Alto to check on his little brother. What is meant to be a quick visit ends up drawing out when he meets and accidentally ends up clicking with Sam's strange, grad student roommate Castiel. 

Cas has Asperger’s Syndrome, and he and Dean are drawn together by a mutual attraction but have to figure out how to navigate each other’s strange ways. This fic includes a little bit of hot sex, plenty of misunderstandings, some hurt feelings, a lot of heart, and a happy ending. I thought that Cas having Asperger’s Syndrome was written wonderfully and with a lot of empathy, and the fic is actually told from Cas’ point of view part of the time, so it’s an amazing look into his world and what he’s thinking.

❤ it’s a lot like life, 21k, Explicit

There were rumors of liaisons between maids and their Ladies, of short-lived passionate affairs between servants and their masters, yes, but Castiel had never heard of anything that passed the test of time. Their lives were too different, and the world saw these relationships as a threat to the very foundation of society. There had to be those that had the power and those that served them, and love had a dangerous tendency to blur those lines. Castiel’s own thoughts were the best example. Lord Winchester had started to be a human being in his mind, a person he cared for not because it was his duty, but because he felt a bond to him.

Dangerous indeed. And impossible given Castiel’s proclivities. He didn’t think his Lordship would react well to his fantasies of bending him over his desk.

This is basically a Downton Abbey AU, and it’s SO, SO good! It feels a lot longer than it actually  is, because it’s wonderfully written and the time flow and character development feels so natural. The relationship between Castiel and Dean is sweet and earnest and also really sexy. Seriously, this fic has a bit of everything - a semi-forbidden relationship, Dean in panties, and a wonderful, happy ending.

The Dove’s Long Journey to Champaign, 33.5k, Explicit

After four years of solitude on a remote island, Dean’s been through hell. But he’s home, he’s healing, and he has a very special gift for a man he’s never met. (Basically this is an AU of the movie Cast Away that takes place after the island.)

This fic is really sweet and funny - not too angsty, given the premise! Castiel is absolutely adorable, Dean is trying to figure out who he is and what his life’s supposed to be like after a life-altering experience, and Sam is supportive and wonderful. There’s hilarious parts, sweet parts, and touching parts. Possible trigger warning though: the fic does feature therapy, references to psychotropics and anxiety, and even discussion of past suicide attempts - but I thought it was all handled in a wonderful, inspiring way that helps show the importance of seeking help, minimizing stigma, and healing.

Now, here are some of my favorite random categories:

ANGSTY FICS/ FICS THAT MADE ME UGLY!CRY

Smoke in the Mirror, 50k words, Mature

It begins with the flier hung in the library: art model needed for thesis project, will pay. Castiel figures it's an easy way to make some extra money, but modeling for Dean Winchester ends up complicating his life far beyond anything he could have imagined.

Dean hires a nude model for his project, which turns out to be Cas. This fic is such a good slow burn, and the development of Dean and Cas’ relationship is natural and sweet and gratifying - until Dean’s project is finished, and they don’t see each other for the next 10 years. Oh my god, the pining. The angst. This fic shredded my heart. Don’t worry though, there’s a happy ending that will leave you crying with relief!

As You Pass Through Me, 30k, Explicit.

Cas has lived in this house all his life... and since his untimely death. The last thing he wants is a new roommate, but it seems he's getting one anyway.

Cas is a ghost and Dean moves into his house. Cas starts to fall for Dean, and despite all obstacles, Dean starts to fall for Cas too. There’s some dubious consent issues, since Cas kinda creeps on Dean before Dean is aware he’s there, so watch out for that if it squicks you, but the whole fic is really well done. There’s a lot of pining, but it has a happy ending and everything gets worked out!

Out of the Deep, 488k, Explicit

Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.

It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep.

Castiel should have listened better.

Another really popular and well-known fic, but I really enjoyed reading it. Even though I ugly cried through about 1/3 of it. There’s some slow burn and some sex and lots of feelings, but mostly there are just so many things conspiring to keep Dean and Cas apart, including the dumbasses themselves. I swear, sometimes I just wanted to fucking scream at them. But there is a happy ending and I was really satisfied with how everything finally worked out. Cas as a mermaid fin-kin is so awesome and beautiful - he sings, he glows in the dark, and he’s got sharp, badass teeth, what more could you want? Definitely a VERY LONG fic, so be prepared to dedicate a lot of time.

He Can’t Sleep, 19k, Mature

After Lucifer's possession, Castiel stops talking.

Ughhh, the tears I cried, so many tears. This fic is beautifully written and so poignant and it just really GOT to me, that these two idiots love each other so much but can’t seem to stop hurting each other, my heart just ached. There IS a happy ending, of course, but you’ll probably still sob the whole way through.

How a Righteous Man Raises a Rose, 5.5k, PG-13

AU in which the apocalypse and angels and demons never happen, and Sam and Jess and Dean live together in a suburban lifestyle -- and then suddenly, nothing is alternate universe at all. Told from Sam's POV. Dean is compelled to tend a dead rose garden, if only Dean could remember why; and remember why it is so important.

This fic killed me. I can’t even. It’s short but it packs a seriously powerful wallop. There’s a really interesting (but rather soul-crushing) twist, and there’s...not really a traditional happy ending. Definitely worth a read if you want a good cry, so just keep some tissues ready.

FUNNY FICS

❤ Mad at your Dad?, 7.5k words, Mature

Dean wasn’t sure why he was even scrolling through Craigslist. Especially not the casual encounters section. It was four days before Thanksgiving. Not like he was gonna try and hook up with someone before that shitstorm. After, sure, but not before.

He kept scrolling, though, not clicking anything until a title caught his eye.

Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your dad? I am a 28 year old male felon who has no degree, but has studied enough theologies of the world, behavioral psychology, and philosophy to set your whole family’s teeth on edge—no matter which way they lean, politically, religiously or in terms of neuroses. I drive a van the same age as me that’s got a mural on the side of an angel holding an orgy. I can play between the ages of 20-30 depending on whether I shave. I live off an inheritance, and sell weed on the side. If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship (monogamous or polyamorous, whichever sounds most like it would freak out su familia) with you (and/or others), to torment your family, I’m game...

I laughed so, so hard. I can’t even tell you. Cas is DELIGHTFUL in this - snarky, sarcastic, and sometimes high. I don’t even have a favorite part in this fic because the whole thing was a fuckin’ riot. I’ve re-read this one multiple times and I still laugh.

Incredibly Single and Ready to Mingle, 3.5k words, Teen

Sam uses Facebook like the social media junkie he is. He's befriended literally every person he's ever had a conversation with since he got an account, which means that approximately—Dean checks—eight hours ago, he shared this horrible photo with something in the vicinity of nine hundred people. The caption below the picture reads “incredibly single & ready to mingle ;)” and roughly half of them have liked it.

Dean has never been so embarrassed in his life.

Short, sweet, and hilarious! Basically, Sam uploads a horrible picture of Dean to Facebook, and it ends up introducing him to Cas in a roundabout way. The description of Dean’s embarrassing picture had me cackling with laughter.

❤ The Fourth Wall series, 40k words, mostly Teen

In which Sam does another sort of research, and Dean is amused.

Basically, the boys end up reading fanfiction about themselves. This is HILARIOUS - Sam is mad there isn’t as much fanfiction about him, Dean has to explain the dynamics of ‘topping’ and ‘bottoming’ to Cas, and Cas just wants to know how the mpreg fic ends. The characterization in this fic is spot-on, and besides just the fanfiction crack, there’s a lot of other wonderful moments: Castiel is introduced to sweets, Sam gets tossed into a gross pond, etc. One warning though: this fic also features Sam/ Lucifer, if you’re not into that pairing...BUT that pairing doesn’t really occur until almost the end of the series, so I still highly recommend reading this and just skipping those parts if they’re not your cup of tea. Really, you won’t regret it. Just read the very first part and you’ll be hooked, I promise.

❤ An Exploration of Habitat, 11k words, Mature

Dean's afraid of heights, and Cas lives in a tree.

This fic is short, sweet, and a riot. There’s so many things and little details that made me giggle. There’s one part, however, that had me DYING. It took me completely by surprise and I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that hard about a fic. I still laugh when I re-read it. I don’t want to give anything away, so I’ll just say: it’s the part after Dean comes down from the tree, and Balthazar is reciting a “letter” that he wrote.

DARK FICS

Sociopaths in Love, 24k words

Dean buys Castiel as a slave and has a fun time viciously breaking him in. But what Dean doesn't know is that this is exactly what Castiel wants.

(Or, two sociopaths walk into a slave auction...)

Yeahhh, this one is pretty self-explanatory. Castiel is a sadist and enjoys it when he’s being hurt, Dean is a masochist and enjoys it when he’s hurting others, and it’s a match made in Heaven. Or Hell, more likely.

Bone trilogy, 29k words, Explicit

When Dean (raised from hell by some unknown force) and Sam stop the last seal from breaking, heaven decides to bring its own apocalypse. Late in the war, an angel with dark hair and striking blue eyes is captured, and Dean – Dean is his interrogator.

This is definitely dark, but it’s also brilliant. Humans are in a war against Angels, and Dean tortures them for information. The fic makes an amazing full circle – Dean has never been able to break an angel, but for some reason, Castiel is different, more susceptible, easier to reach, able to be broken when no other angel could be broken before. Why? The answer will break your fuckin’ heart.

Red Right Hand, 85k words, Explicit

“You’re one microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan, Designed and directed by his red right hand.”

It all starts with the mysterious note left on Dean’s chair. It all ends with Dean coming to terms not only with what he’s capable of, but how much that knowledge doesn’t bother him.

Castiel is a serial killer who is infatuated with Dean. This fic is quite the wild ride, and it hits a lot of my kinks: protective!Cas, jealous!Cas, possessive!Cas, bamf!Cas. That being said, he’s a psychopath and he murders people, so yeah. Dean finds out eventually, and as it turns out, maybe he’s okay with it.

MOSTLY SMUT FICS

Unsolicited, 56k, Explicit

In which Dean Winchester gets an unsolicited dick pic from an unknown sender which is both totally not disappointing in that it's a really nice dick pic, and incredibly disappointing in that it's clearly a downloaded picture of his favorite porn star.

There's absolutely no way it's actually this porn star sending it to him, right?

Right?

Oh my god. Confident, tattooed, sexual, pornstar Cas is my JAM. This was great - lots of amazing smut, with some BDSM elements thrown in later, and of course, a good dose of feelings.

Dean Winchester, Straight Shooter, 15.5k words, Explicit

Dean Winchester, star of StraightShooter.com, is a gay-for-pay porn star with a huge following. Cas Novak signs on to do a scene with him, even though he dislikes "straight" porn stars on principle. But Dean is more complicated than he first appears, and after inadvertently learning his secrets, Cas finds himself falling for him.

This was surprisingly sweet for a fic about pornstars. Cas is earnest and wonderful, and Dean has his obligatory gay freak-out, but it all works out in the end.

Revealed, 11k words, Explicit

When a ritual backfires and Dean ends up with wings, they reveal things that he'd much rather keep hidden. Prompt fill.

An amazing wing fic that features both Dean AND Cas with wings. Damn. This fic. There’s some great possessive!Cas, lots of good wing kink, and a fascinating look at Heaven. Also it was really, really hot.

www.hardcorewings.com, 17k words, Explicit

When Castiel loses his job, he resorts to making wing fetish videos to make cash. Dean really likes them.

This is an AU fic where angels and humans live side-by-side, and some humans have a fetish for angels and their wings, one of those humans being Dean. Cas has enormous silver wings and goes into porn, and Dean finds his videos. Dean doesn’t know that Cas also has a crush on him in real life. This fic was great, I only wish it was a little longer, because the ending seems kind of abrupt to me. That being said, great read.

Except Thou Bless Me, 10.5k words, Explicit

Castiel is wroth, and Dean is having a great time.

This is a canon!verse fic where Cas basically beats the shit out of Dean, then fucks him, and Dean is totally on board for all of the above. There’s a good exploration of Dean’s time in Hell and his self-worth issues, but mostly there’s some really hot sex.

No Teasin’, Just Pleasin’, 7.5k, Explicit

The song is nearing its end as Dean pauses in the centre of the stage, fingers teasing at the waistband of his chaps. For the first time in his routine, he allows himself to look over towards Castiel’s table.

Gabe is watching with the air of someone who’s generally more interested in the feminine figure, but Cas?

Cas looks like he wants to eat Dean alive.

This was excellent! I love stripper AUs so much, and this one definitely stands out from the crowd. Dean’s characterization is wonderful and charming, and it was a fun (and hot) read all-around! (Did I mention it also features Dean in panties?!)

TRUEFORM!CAS FICS

❤ Cruel Angels series, 107k words, Explicit, WIP.

Well. The Apocalypse was one thing. Thousand-foot-tall multi-limbed horror-angels smashing up the planet was something totally different...

Fantastic series so far. The characterization is great, the writing is wonderful, and it’s got everything you could want in a trueform fic: grace-powered orgasms, wing kink, and a description of Cas’ trueform that will amaze and horrify you (think multiple limbs, wings with eyes, and a terrifying mouth in his neck). At the heart of all that, Dean and Cas are still themselves, trying to figure out what the hell they mean to each other, and Cas is still his lovable self, even when he’s an enormous creature.

The reach of human sense, 4.5k words, Explicit.

“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”

“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.

And it used to belong to someone else.

This fic scratched my trueform itch soooo good. It’s always niggled at me that Cas is technically still using Jimmy’s appearance, and if Dean is attracted to him, how much is physical attraction simply to the vessel and how much is attraction to Cas? This fic addresses these issues wonderfully, and Dean is accepting and reassuring and there’s a little bit of praise!kink, and I loved it. Everyone should read this one.

A Beginner’s Guide to Communing with the Dead, 77k words, Mature

Maybe it's the little girl whose disappearance turned into a murder, and whose murder turned into a cold case, and who has now apparently decided to move in with him. Maybe it's the unacceptable hole left in his life when his dumb best friend and partner in (the prevention of) crime decided to go and get himself killed. Maybe it's his brother, whose high-profile career and fantastic girlfriend and first-child-on-the-way are steadily leaving Dean in the dust. Pick one. Pick all of them. The why doesn't matter so much as the what, and the what is this: Dean is pretty sure he's going completely, certifiably insane. Sure, he hasn't started wearing all his clothes inside out, and he still showers on a regular basis (anyways, that's not crazy, just a little eccentric); but there's no getting around the fact that he just threw away his life, his career, and his reputation by dragging out his mom's old necromancy book and summoning a Class A Forbidden Entity to his attic. A cranky one, too. With horrendous bed-head.

I had a hard time deciding where to put this fic - AUs? Cop/ detective fics? I finally decided on trueform fics because this fic has, hands down, my absolute favorite description of Cas’ trueform. The author really makes you visualize it, the absolute scale and magnitude and power and otherness of Cas’ trueform, and it’s awesome. I read that part over and over. As for the rest of the fic: Dean is trying to solve a case, he summons Cas to help him, and their dynamic is snarky and occasionally touching and delightful to read. This was such a cool AU too, with magic and creatures but still set in a modern-day setting.

DETECTIVE/ COP FICS

I am such a sucker for cop or detective fics, you don’t even KNOW.

What Once Was Sacred, 55k words, Explicit

Los Angeles detective Dean Winchester works tirelessly to atone for the sins of his father one case at a time. When his best friend Charlie drags him to visit Sam at his new job, Dean stumbles onto a bizarre string of deaths that brings him uncomfortably close to his past.

Dean can't stop thinking about Castiel, an enigmatic DJ who plays the sexiest music Dean's ever heard. A chance encounter at Castiel's house reveals that Castiel is an incubus, and Dean must face the lies and the reality of his childhood as a hunter. Dean comes to see that he and Castiel have more in common than he thought, and that guilt can be the hardest thing to cast aside.

Beautifully written and it sucks you right in. Dean is a detective and Cas is an incubus, but it’s really different than you might think - Cas doesn’t necessarily like the influence he has over people as an incubus, and he goes to great lengths to avoid hurting people. I love the whole concept, and when Dean and Cas finally get together? Hottest. scene. EVER.

Kiss You When It’s Dangerous, 57.5k words, Explicit

When his partner Uriel, betrays him, Federal Agent Castiel Novak is saved from becoming a ritual sacrifice by brothers Dean and Sam Winchester. Discovering the world of the supernatural and learning about werewolves, wendigoes, vampires and things that go bump in the night also leads to learning more about Dean and the strange life he and his brother lead. The more he learns, the more Castiel finds himself drawn into Dean’s world and toward Dean himself.

Until Uriel wants to complete the ritual he started.

I LOVE still-a-hunter!Dean and agent!Cas. This fic was wonderful because it reads almost like an actual episode - Sam and Dean hunting and doing what they do, with Cas getting roped into that world on accident. The attraction between Dean and Cas is wonderful, there are parts with Dean is adorably worried and protective, and Sam is fantastic. Great read all around.

❤ ‘never see it coming’ series, 12k words, Explicit.

“Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m going to need to borrow your car.”

This features still-a-hunter!Dean and detective!Cas, who gets caught in the middle and pulled along for the ride...until the second part, where HE is the one tracking down Dean. This fic hit every single kink in my repertoire, I’m not even exaggerating. Dean is resourceful and clever, Sam is exasperated, and Castiel is a fucking badass who literally stops at nothing. My only complaint? THAT IT WASN’T LONGER. I need another 100k words in this series, pronto.

[winchesterprincessbride]

Not What He Expected-Part 5

This is an A/B/O AU

So here it is, my FIRST A/B/O series featuring Alpha! Dean/ Omega! Reader (not Destiel). I am still a Samgirl to the very core of my being, but I thought it would be fun to try something different for a change.

You meet Dean Winchester in a bar when he attempts to come to your rescue after a drunk Alpha tries to take advantage of you.  He quickly realizes you’re not what he expected.  You’re a very independent Omega who is used to speaking her mind.  He’s all Alpha, but there is just something about you, an attraction that makes him want to know more…….

Part 1 (All parts are linked)

Master List

Text messages are in bold.

*This chapter fills my “sunset watching” square on my @spnabobingo card

I spent the days until the weekend enduring constant comments and teasing from Cas and Jimmy. The bickering got so bad that Babi finally ordered them to leave me alone. Darcy came by to visit and the immediately filled her in on current events in my life.

“Sorry to hear about the divorce, Darce. Your Alpha is a dick. He doesn’t deserve you.” Jimmy and Darcy had dated in high school and we’d all been friends for years.

She smiled sadly. “Thanks, Jim! I just wish it didn’t take me so long to realize.” She turned her attention to me. “Where have you been? I haven’t heard much from you since that night at the bar.”

Jimmy and Cas exchanged a look. “That’s because she’s been too busy panting over that hot Alpha she’s seen seeing,” Cas told her gleefully.

“He’s okay if you like tall green-eyed Ken dolls,“ Jimmy said with a smirk.

“Wait a minute….” Darcy began, shooting me a look. “Is it that Alpha from the bar?”

“Maybe,” I said sheepishly. “His name is Dean.”

“Holy crap!  I knew you were hot for him that night!” Darcy gave me an amused look. “What happened after we left?”

“Remember that drunk Alpha that wouldn’t leave me alone?” I asked.

“Yeah?”

“Well, he came back for more,” I said with a grin.

“And let me guess? Dean came to your rescue?” She said with a snort.

“Am I missing something?” Jimmy asked, confused.

“I love it when guys think your sister needs rescuing because she’s an Omega,”  Darcy told him with a grin. “Alphas either want to fuck her or protect her, sometimes both.”

“Shut UP, Darcy!” I snapped, elbowing her in the ribs. “Cas and Jimmy laughed.

“But then she opens her mouth, and they get the picture,” Cas commented.

“He did ask if I was sure I was an Omega,” I told them sheepishly.

“When are you seeing him again?” She asked eagerly.

“Saturday.  Babi wanted you to come and see her when you came by.” I said in an effort to change the subject.

  When she left she made me promise that I would keep her in the loop where Dean was concerned. Cas and Jimmy assured her that if I didn’t, they would tell her everything.

I couldn’t decide what to wear.  I wanted to look put together, but not look like I was trying too hard.  I was meeting Dean’s brother after all, so I wanted to make a good impression. 

He picked me up in that gorgeous car of his and I again felt that visceral response at the scent of him.  I’ve never experienced anything like this before with any other guy.  

Dean’s smile widened when he saw the pie I was carrying.  “Did you make that?” He asked eagerly.

I shot him a look. “Of course I did! I don’t do store-bought anything. I wasn’t sure what flavor to go with, so I just did apple. Do you like pie?”

“Pie’s my favorite.  You made a good choice.  I apologize in advance if anyone gives you the third degree.  I’ve just never bought an Omega home before.  Sammy especially is dying of curiosity.

“They can’t be worse than Cas and Jimmy, so I think I can handle it,” I said confidently.

When we arrived at Sam and Jess’ place, the cookout was in full swing.  We walked around the back, and Dean opened the gate so I could carry the enormous pie without dropping it.  A tall handsome guy and a pretty blonde walked over to meet us.

“Oh, pie! She knows what you like, Dean! Here, I’ll take that, It looks great! I’m Jessica, by the way.”

The tall guy handed me a beer.  “And I’m Sam, Dean’s brother.  You must be Y/N.  Dean said your family owns Novak’s. Jess and I eat there all the time.”

I accepted the beer and smiled at them both.  They seemed friendly enough.  "It’s nice to meet you both.”

Sam turned to Dean.  “Uncle Bobby wants to meet her so you’d better find him, Dude.”

I met his Uncle Bobby, and some old family friends Ellen and Jo.  A while later his best friend Benny showed up, and he hung out with him, ate burgers, played cornhole, and just hung out.  We were all getting along really well.

Benny happened to look towards the gate and he swore under his breath.  “Don’t look now, but Lisa is here, Dean.”

Dean groaned and turned in the direction of the gate.  “Oh, great.”  He muttered.  “Did you invite her?” He asked Sam.

“No way! I can’t stand her! Maybe Jess did? Let me go see.” He left us and went to talk to Jess.  Jo in the meantime had gone over to talk to Lisa, and then Jess went over, and then made a beeline for Dean.

“I’m so sorry Dean.  Jo invited her.  They have a yoga class together.   She had no idea about you two.  Do you want me to make her leave?” Jess looked very nervous.

“No.  We can play nice, Jess.  I won’t ruin your party.”  He assured her.

“So who is Lisa, anyway?” I asked.

“Lisa and I use to date.  I caught her in bed with another guy.  It didn’t end well.” He said flatly.  

“Do you want to leave?” I asked gently, putting a hand on his arm.

“No.  I’ve moved on.  I want to stay here with you.”

We stayed in the corner talking to Benny and his date, and Sam and Jess.   I needed to use the bathroom and Jess walked me into the house and showed me where it was while she grabbed some more drinks.

When I came out of the house, Lisa had joined the group.  Here we go. I squared my shoulders and walked over.

“So Dean…” Lisa said in a shrill voice. “This must be who you replaced me with.  That didn’t take long.”

“Lisa, you’re drunk.  Don’t start.” Dean said in warning.

“What’s wrong? Don’t want me to tell her your secrets?” She spat. “Oh, and she’s an Omega.  Have you knotted her yet? He’s amazing in the sack.” She told me, slurring her words.  Dean looked so embarrassed.

I’d heard enough.  “Look, Lisa is it? From what I heard, it doesn’t take much to scratch your itch. I think you did Dean a favor, he wouldn’t want to you know, catch anything. So why don’t you crawl back under that rock you came from and leave him the hell alone, sound good?” 

Lisa stared at me open-mouthed, and then spun on her heel and left in a huff.  Benny started clapping.  “This one is a keeper, Dean,” Sam told his brother.

“Walk with me?” Dean asked me, holding out his hand.  We went through the house and sat on the front steps and watched the sun set.  As the sun dipped below the horizon,  I laid my head on his shoulder. Dean had his arms around me, and we didn’t really say much, just enjoyed each others company.

“I’ve never seen anyone stand up to Lisa like that.  She didn’t know how to respond.”  Dean murmured quietly.

He leaned in and brushed my lips with his, and I eagerly responded.  A second later I was sitting in his lap, my hands buried in his hair as his mouth ravaged mine.  As his lips traveled down my neck, he pulled away and looked at me intently.  “My place?” He said in a low voice.

Part 6

@shamelesslydean  @sofreddie  @pdy93 @abbessolute@tatachot @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @ayeeitsemry @erin654@silenceofmidnite @stationary-queen @tinkerbellafan@curlyblondexoxo  @i-like-it-heavy-so-i-can-panic@lupine-princess @abbymonster17 @authoressskr  @peaceloveancolor @sandlee44 @skybinx-blog @percywinchester27 @a-sea-of-fandoms @dorky-and-i-know-it @fangirl1802 @pinknerdpanda  @atc74@jayankles  @notnaturalanahi@midnightjazzmine @moonlitskinwalker @we-are-band-sexuals@winchestergirl-love @gecko9596 @ronnie248-blog@essie1876@bohowitch@just-another-busy-fangirl@jotink78 @captainradicalpassion@keelzy2 @disneymarina @kittenofdoomage @mrswhozeewhatsis@oriona75 @frankiea1998 @akshi8278@stylinson531@valynsia @dr-dean@theoutlinez  @imweirdandobsessed @growningupgeek    @luciisthebest  @laurenisnot @maddieburcham1  @canadianjelly@muliermalefici @brewsthespirit-blog @ilsawasanacrobat @nanie5@weasleywinchester

[missjackil]

12x9 First Blood Opnion

Alright, well.... after the ridiculously long hiatus, I am SO glad to have my boys back!!!  My opinion of this episode, First Blood, let me start by saying it didnt go nearly close to what I thought, though I was sure theyd get out and the BMoL would help. Aside from that no, nothing matched, but thats alright, I like surprises. I liked the episode, it had a lot of surprises and suspenseful moments, not too much screwing around with side stories and boring shit, and the hour went by way too fast. I loved how the boys were so defiant,and not willing to talk and Sam’s face when the cop guy described pretty much the torture Sam had just recently endured, and Sam kept a straight face, until he said “Nothing”, then we have Sam’s attention. I highly appreciated Sam working out in his cell, thats always a nice thing, but it should have been shirtless... just sayin’. You know Ive been watching this show too long when them both being dead, didnt phase me, but I thought it was Crowley who probably cast a spell on them to appear dead, or maybe Rowena. I loved how Sam hugged Cas, it was much more sincere than when Dean hugged him (sorry Destielers but I call em as I see em) and I also loved how Cas told them off basically for making stupid deals. I really felt Cas’s pain, and how much they mean to him. Misha did a really good job.  Now for the critique.Again, an opportunity for a bro hug was missed, and I could dismiss it on account of them being pressed for time, BUT to their knowledge, one of them was dying, forever, very soon and for that reason alone there should have been SOMETHING.Which one was going? Where they gonna do rock paper scissors? My guess it would be Dean, if one of them had chosen, because he cant live in a world without Sam, but Sam cant live without Dean either so there SHOULD have been that talk in there somewhere. Also, there was no separation angst displayed by the boys, or any angst at all really, they were gone 6 weeks and at least one of them could have cried, gotten angry and beat the hell out of a wall or something, but no, we pretty much blew through the 6 weeks seeing the crap food they had to eat, Dean scratching off the days, and Sam working out (again, I appreciated that) Again Im going to complain about the dialogue. Theyre not having Sam or Dean say much at all and what they do say is usually non conversational and more like theyre trying to make new catch phrases “We’re not trapped out here with you, you’re trapped out here with us”. GOOD line yes... but Sam and Dean ALWAYS converse and they havent done a lot of that this season. Ill dismiss it for this episode SOLELY because they were pressed for time and had to be stealthy.   Season 11 gave me so much bromance, that made me smile A LOT but so far this season has next to none, but, some upcoming episodes, one in particular, has a good chance of having a nice tear jerking amount and if they dont take that opportunity, im convinced the writers hate the bromance and want to steer clear of it and, though Ill still watch it, Ill write off S12 as my least fav season. Finally... Killing off Billie??? Aw come on!! I liked her!! Ok so now a Winchester doesnt have to die, and if they do, I guess the issue with The Empty wont count, but now, I feel even more so that Cas has to (or will be) killed off. And not because I dont like him, I do, but without the fear of death and concern for serious injuries, they wont have any real suspense to offer us. “AHHH SAMS ABOUT TO DIE!!!! no worries, Cas is here” OH NOOOO DEANS ARM GOT RIPPED OFF!! Call Cas!”  Overall it was a good episode but not as good as some hiatus comebacks. It was much better than LOTUS that got us there, but Im still waiting for at least 3 episodes (which every season requires for me) that I cant wait to get to when I rewatch.  On a Scale of Bloodlines to Swan Song, I will rate this episode 6.5 out of 10.High points on the suspense and twists, but low points on the dialogue and missed bromantic opportunities

[dotthings]

S14 has no mercy. None. It’s merciless. I’m a mess on multiple TFW relationships at once. NO MERCY. NONE. Thoughts on SPN 14.12.

Two things to get out of the way. 1. as usual, too much Nick. In every ep he’s in. Always. This comes from lanes that normally don’t ever agree with each other. TPTB cannot hear our piteous cries of boredom. We just sit through the Nicking and endure. 2. has nothing to do with an issue with the ep really, nor am I surprised, but hmmm yes nobody listen to anything ERL says from now on, trust me it’s best for everyone.

However despite item 2, I’m not going to downplay the Dean and Cas, and Destiel content of this ep because along with the bro bond and Sam and Cas and TFW stuff the Dean and Cas part of this was out for blood. And the Destiel storyline continues to ramp up, we’re all slowly boiled frogs. It’s really fun. Hahahah I have so many feelings. Help.

Just going to write out some thoughts based on my disjointed notes. 

So Sam looped Cas in already and Sam is convinced neither he nor Cas can talk Dean out of it. Sam didn’t consult Dean about looping Cas in of course. Oh look, there’s Dean saying he can’t handle the “big goodbyes” so he’s actively avoiding Cas and Jack because he just can’t face their sad little faces as he marches off to his fated doom, which was plain obviously in 14.11 already, Dean’s just admitting it with words now. But I love that Sam has already gone to Cas with this crap. He went to Cas with speed. Misery loves company. And he hopes Cas, who Sam knows loves Dean a lot, can fix this. gdi. Sam having already confided in Cas (and of course we don’t get to see Cas’s initial reaction to this horrible plan but we can think about what it may have been and make everything worse) and Sam and Cas united together in looking for some way to get Dean out of this hurts my heart in good ways.

THAT SAM AND DEAN TALK IN THE CAR ABOUT JOHN. Dean convinced he wasn’t that great a brother to Sam and Sam not having with that or with “death-bed apologies.” Well I said Sam was miserable about having to go along with Dean’s plan and it’s showing in every scene. He’s trying to be brave. He doesn’t want to burn the world but also as I said recently, he isn’t exactly going to be ok with letting Dean die like this either. 

“Dad would send me away when I really pissed him off.”

Up yours John, and the horse you rode in on. The thing here is Dean being so open about saying it, point blank like that. No “he did his best” prevarications. He just drops that and the sadness in Dean is eating my heart. This is actually giving me hope about the 300th ep and what it may accomplish here. This is setting up and telegraphing. We’ll see.

I noticed the ep drew a line between Sam and Dean, and male twins. Unusually close siblings. With twins it’s biological. With Sam and Dean, brothers biologically, but not twins, nonetheless were bonded unusually close by circumstance and trauma initially. I just think twins is an interesting parallel to make instead of a regular pair of siblings. And the way a twin feels when they lose the other. 

CAS IS SO HAPPY TO HEAR FROM DEAN JFC CAS CALM DOWN. 

As a character, Cas is not *effusive* usually. This just isn’t how he rolls. He can get intense and emotional but here he was just so openly damn excited and happy to hear from Dean and I want to cry forever. 

“Dean we need to have a conversation.”

“Dean we need to have a conversation.”

“Dean, we need to have a conversation.”

I actually scribbled in my notes, in sarcastic all-caps, “NO REALLY?!” with a pissy little arrow from that line of dialogue. 

Well maybe this is a “turning point” because I certainly have waited a long time for Cas to get assertive about this.

And then Dean that little shit ends with “It’s good to hear your voice.” 

At this point I’m internally screaming I barely even remember there being Nick scenes, were there Nick scenes after that Dean and Cas phone call, does it matter?

“Doctor.” “Doctor.”

SPN YOU DID NOT JUST RECREATE A SEGMENT OF THAT EXACT SCENE WITH DR SEXY FROM CHANGING CHANNELS ONLY WITH CAS IN THE DOCTOR OUTFIT YOU DID NOT JUST

Oh yes. Yes it did.

Dean and Cas aren’t done battering my heart and then holding it over an open flame in this episode.

Cas begging Dean: “Just stop.”

CAIN: She knew who I was... and what I was. She loved me unconditionally. She forgave me. She only asked for one thing.

CROWLEY: To stop.

-SPN 9.11

Oh so we’re back to this again, and right when I was just the other day thinking about Cas’s speech to Dean in 10.22, oh let’s quote some of that again, just to make everything even more painful: “if there is even a small chance that we can save you, I won't let you walk out of this room.”

But Dean is adamant. He’s not going to listen. So there’s all this goddamn WOUNDED STARING and Cas says “so this is goodbye?”

So there it is, Dean having to be face to face with Cas as Dean marches to the doom he believes he’s fated for and he has to see Cas react to it. They are looking each other right in the eye, people. It is not for the faint of heart. 

And then they get INTERRUPTED because that is the life of a Destiel shipper.

Cas is realllly salty. “If there’s a spark of hope, then I have to try. You taught me that.” But he actually sounds...tender, as well. It’s another plea, not bitter, although yes he is salty and being really pointed.

Meanwhile Sam has gone to the salt mines, and mined the salt himself. “No rest for the self-destructive.”

Oh gosh I feel for Sam in this ep a lot. I just relate to this, as a fan of the characters, having watched their self-destructiveness for this long. Again...no they aren’t going to just let the world burn, but is self-destruction actually the answer either?

I am btw absolutely cheering that the ep lands on another chance to find another way, but without heedless to the impact of their actions or “screw it let the world burn.” They have to find another way. Save Dean, and the world both.

Sam is breaking my heaaaart. I really understand his frustration and he probably feels abandoned, even knowing it’s to save the world. It’s also a little brother desperate because his big brother seems to be giving up and seems too fatalistic. Sam needs Dean to have a little faith, and Sam isn’t at the moment on a hellbent path of “no matter the cost” like he was in S10. He just wants Dean not to give up yet. To let them try. It’s can’t be easy watching a loved one go off to sacrifice themselves, and Sam did it at the end of S11, which took courage, just as Dean did at the end of S5.

There’s a space between “screw all the consequences” and completely letting go.

I thought the bros scenes were really top-notch in this ep, however that wouldn’t have stopped me from feeling critical if Cas had been ommitted from that last scene, especially after all the Dean and Cas emotional stuff earlier in the ep that got interrupted. SPN is about the bro bond and it’s about Dean and Cas and it’s about TFW 2.0 as a family and here the ep reminds us we’re in S14 and this isn’t just about Sam and Dean, as Cas walks up to them and we have another singular-to-plural.

(to Sam) “I do believe in us...” (on seeing Cas) “I believe in all of us.”

And another singular-to-plural but less warm and fuzzy, what has to be done if their once more last ditch effort doesn’t work. (to Sam) “You have to promise me...you’ll put me in that box” (to Cas) “You too.” 

Not only is the story telling us Sam and Dean aren’t alone, Dean is fully aware of it. He had that confrontation with Cas in the hospital--he looked Cas right in the eyes, he knows. It’s not just Sam who cares and it’s not just Sam that will dig in his heels. I would like to see Jack’s response to all this, since he has been accepted part of the family and it’s relevant, but I love the Sam, Dean, & Cas interplay here and the multiple levels of ouch and the multiple relationships.