#Sad crap :(

[messedup-gurl]

I had been learning from her and following her footsteps. She is like a star in the nightsky, so beautiful yet unreachable. She was so far away, so smart and capable, and she was a fair lady. No wonder everyone liked her and surrounded her. Once, in a Chinese class, the teacher asked: Who wants to be with XXX(She)? Almost everyone in the class raised their hands. I thought to myself: no one would volunteer to be on my team. No one will be willing to be my friend. Even if there is, I would unknowingly distant myself from them. I am someone with little or perhaps no humor, I can not make good jokes, I don't know how to open up a conversation. At that moment, I wanted to be her. I wanted to be that popular girl. The girl that everyone likes. In other words, I needed to be her to have someone to play with me in the gym, to have someone to accomplish group projects with. Therefore, I learned her attitude towards people, I practiced her smile and forced on a bright smile even to people I disliked. I learned her positivity. Whenever the teacher asked a question, I immediately raised my hand, hoping that the teacher would choose me to answer. This seems to be a kind of competition, a competition between me and her. When I saw her raise her hand, I immediately raised my hand, hoping to grab the teacher's attention. Gradually, this has become a habit. When the teacher asked questions, I raised my hand immediately. And for me to be able to answer the question, I worked hard to prepare the night before. I would ponder upon the type of questions the teacher would ask and prepare the answers to them. When making friends, I would search some jokes on the Internet the night before, write them down, and share them with my classmates the next day. This caused me to be sleep deprived on man days. At that time, I wore a fake mask in school, and although I made many friends and became the top student, I also felt pressured. In the third year of junior high school, I was in a different class from her. And I changed. I was not as active as before. I would not raise my hand to answer questions immediately, nor would I approach my classmates with a fake smile on my face. I have finally learned to be my true self. The self who can't tell jokes and can only read and do work. Maybe it was because I got tired of it all. Of the friends around me who mostly asked me homework questions, maybe it was the teachers who demanded too much more from me, maybe it was because of all their high and great expectations. I couldn't take it in anymore. I removed my mask and decided to be my true self.

Not many liked my trueself. I could not make any friends. I always tell myself: I don't need friends. I just need to focus on studying. But when I was in gym class and doing group work, I still needed someone, the so-called "friends." So I approached my classmates. (My classmates were split into "friend groups," and I picked the smallest one) with a purpose and eventually became friends with them. They were nice and treated me genuinely. But I can not help but feel insecure. When they are alone together and whispering, I would imagine them gossiping about me behind my back. When I argue with them, I fear losing them, but at the same time silently hope to lose them. I wish I had no gym class, no group work, then I would not need friends. What I discovered was that they were really just my buddies to avoid the embarrassment and pitiful stares of standing in the corner by myself in gym class. They will say: "You have to learn how to comfort people", "You shouldn't do this, this is not what a friend should do." Maybe I'm not a good friend, maybe I don't deserve to have friends. Forgive me for this. I am just a selfish brat who only knows how to take and take and take, but I can never really provide the kind of friendship they want. They can live without me, right? I will not be remembered if I leave them . People say that after graduation, they will reminisce about the interesting things that happened in their school they will miss the old school days. But what will I miss when I graduate? What can I reminisce? I am grateful for the school of educating me. But forgive me for saying, I really hate it too. There are so many scars in me that can never be healed. I hate the teachers who were oblivious to my cries of help and just had high expectations of me. I hate those pathetic glances my classmates and the gym teacher cast on me when they see me sitting alone, not immersing in the games. I hate my true self. If I could bear their pathetic glances, maybe I won't be so tired, right? But it is just impossible to turn a blind eye to their glance, to stop the thoughts from overflowing my brain. Even now, it can not be done. I really, really hate my true self. This person is so, for god's sake, sensitive to every tiny thing. This person just can not smile at something everyone smiles and laughs at.

[thisbutsad]

Sleep

It was around the late afternoon when I came back, strangely I haven't heard the "Welcome home," you always say with a smile before hugging me. Well, I did come home a little bit earlier than usual. So, where did you go?

Walking through the living room as I put down my bag on the table, seeing the back door opened brought a smile on my face. Making my way, seeing you sleeping in the hammock we set up last week. Holding your book closely to your chest.

"How cute…" I mumbled to myself, gently moving your hair to the side, "Never mind, you're always cute." I gave you a light kiss on the forehead as I grab your book away, putting it on the table.

You moved slightly in your sleep, making your position comfortable. "Mhm…?"

"Good evening, love. How's your sleep?" I whispered gently, sitting down on the chair near you, resting my head on one of my hands.

"Good… mh… welcome home. Darling…~" your sweet voice filled my head, the warm sensation in my heart as it erase any fatigue I got earlier in the day. I chuckled as I see you try to stay awake. I reach for your hand, squeezing it slightly. Just making sure you're actually here with me.

And that was just a few days ago. Your voice still lingers in my head, yet I couldn't feel the warmth anymore. Seeing your name engraved in the stone in front of me. My vision started to blur, probably the tears in my eyes.

I'm rather glad it rained, at least that way no one can see me cry. You'll probably scold me for thinking like that. But nevertheless, I want to hear your voice, feel your warmth, wanting to say "I love you." a million times more. … Just wanting you back by my side again.

Placing the flower on the ground where you rest, memories of you flooded in my head. Every time you greeted me home, the nights we spend outside in our evening strolls, learning how to cook with you, the stories you would tell me every, single, day. Now left with me, and me alone.

"I love you." I say to you, knowing very well you couldn't answer anymore. Yet I said it again, and again. Finally, my legs gave out, clenching my chest as I break down sobbing. I could feel the rain soaking my clothes, the muddy ground and small rocks against my skin. I couldn't tell how long I was out for. Next thing I knew, I was sitting down on the couch. My head felt dizzy, seeing images of you everywhere I look. The dim light from the sun, slowly disappearing as I closed my tired eyes…

Strangely, I could feel you next to me. Holding my hand as you rest your head on my shoulder. Maybe I've gone crazy, but it doesn't matter anymore. I'll rest here with the remembrance of you. Maybe when I wake up, this was all just a cruel joke from god. So… Good night, my beloved.

[lostjellyinsea]

Doesn’t it hurt more to learn that the hurt that made you hurt weren’t even meant to be yours.

You were simply in the way.

[annwrittenrule21]

#217

Kamusta?

ito nga pala ay para sayo

sa hinabahaba ng panahon

nandyan lang pala SIYA.

buong akala ko kasi posibleng AKO

O teka ang akala ko ay AKO.

Sa wakas nahanap mo na,

sya pala yung anino ng bawat tawa at iyak

ng kwento mo..

sa pagitan ng hapon at umaga

sa mga oras na tayo ay masayang magkasama

mayroon palang SIYA

At ngayon ay oras na,

tayo ay marahil talagang tapos na.

di na ako aasa sa pag kakataon o panahon

dahan dahan na lang tatanggapin na

na tayo ay dumaan lang para sa isat isa

hindi nakatakdang mag tagal

sa susunod na pahina wala ka na

sa susunod na kabanata

ay sya na.

[n-n-just-nobody]

¿A donde se supone que debo ir cuando no quiero estar en ningúna parte?

[chiaralibitina]

Leaving

Walking down the street,

fog is all she sees.

Scared of the dark and cold,

she went answered to the void.

Heard the calling deep within,

no one could stop her from entering.

Water deep and blue...

So peaceful yet so cruel.

She screamed,

then there was quiet.

The girl with warm heart,

back walked a boy with a broken smile.

Water so deep and cruel,

no one will ever know.

Fog has lifted,

and she has too.

[screwpinecaprice]

Just a silly guy, with silly silly thoughts.

@glowweek Day 2

Casual | Surprise

A casual surprise?😬😬😬

[sihtryggr]

“Maybe in another life.”

“Why couldn’t it have been this one?”

ARCANE: EKKO/POWDER

[hana-bobo-finch]

I’m normal about bug fables!! (version w/o text under the cut)

[lizzybeeee]

DATV Lore Reveal Summary:

[flintbian]

There's a disabled angel in good omens 🥺

[fruity-phrog]

Shout out to my timeline for this

[robby-bobby-tommy]

‼️SPOILERS FOR ACE ATTORNEY INVESTIGATIONS (1 AND 2) AND THE GREAT ACE ATTORNEY‼️

Plus Kazuma, Phoenix ect

Add characters that you think would fit the category

(Btw I'm not justifying their actions, but man do I feel bad for them. After one point their lives became a freaking greek tragedy)

[nonbinarylocalcryptid]

This is how I think Astyanax would know react to being told what happened at Troy.

Context: Odysseus and Astyanax are trapped in Calypso's island. Unfortunetely, Zeus is bored, so he sends a message (maybe a letter? Maybe he just sends Hermes and call it a day?) to fuck things up a bit and mess with Odysseus. It works wonders. Nine years old Astyanax reacts poorly.

Here's what happens when Odysseus finds him after receiving the message.

The sun was about to set, filling the silence with the sound of the waves hitting the beach. Only Odysseus had the audacity to talk.

"My son..."

That wasn't welcome, not anymore.

"Am I?" Asked the boy. He was trembling, but not from the breeze. "Your son?"

For once, Calypso didn't try to insert herself in the conversation, even the chatty goddess was speechless.

"I always wondered, why we don't look alike at all? I was adopted, I knew, but I thought I was your nephew, even a cousin".

"Son..."

Odysseus was interrupted

"How can you call me that? My family, my whole country... it's gone, and it's your fault".

The man took a short breath.

"I'm not going to ask for forgiveness..."

"Good", Astyanax was done, "because there's no forgiving you. Tell me everything that happened, tell me about what went down that night".

He stared at the older man while he shook his head.

"Astyanax, save yourself that pain, the endless pain of the war shouldn't be a child's warden".

"But it is!" Bursted out the kid. "You decided to spare me on a whim!"

"That's not what happened."

"Then what?" A desperate question. "Am I a warprize?"

"Don't call yourself that." It was soft spoken, like a prayer.

Astyanax was no god.

"What am I supposed to think?"

Trying to descalate the situation, Calypso spoke.

"Maybe what your father is trying to say..."

Any other day, the goddess' inside was welcome, as she was Astyanax's friend. Today he was having none of it.

"SHUT UP NOBODY ASKED YOU-"

"HEY", Odysseus stopped him, "don't yell at her. You want to know what happened? Put your emotions aside, and sit with me by the fire".

They did so, and Odysseus told him. About the Trojan war, about ten years of slow killing, about the ressiliance of Troy. He told him about Achilles and Patroclus, about Paris and Helen.

He told the story of the wooden horse.

About longing to go home.

Diomedes led the charge. Agamemnon flanked the guards. Menelaus let the men through the gates. They took the whole city at large. Teucer will shot every ambush attack. And Little Ajax stayed back. Nestor secured Helen and protected her. Neo, avenged his father, killing the brothers of Hector.

About a mission, to kill someone's son, someone who wouldn't run, someone who could only be dealt with right there and then. About a baby in a cradle. About Zeus' prophecy. About him.

About someone who was just a man.

Troy fell.

The Ithacan fleet sailed, hoping to reach home.

They never did.

When he was done remembering the past, he looked at the boy, who was sitting at the other side of the flame, hands covering his face.

It took a long time for Astyanax to even look at him, let alone spoke up, but he finally did it.

"I don't know what to say." He confessed, bathed in the fire's light. "I hate you, I do, I'm so full of rage right now...but I love you, and I hate you so much. You should have killed me when you had the chance, why didn't you?"

The answer came easyly to Odysseus's lips.

"Mercy". He dared to say, the blasphemy of it haunting them, with only the fire and the waves as witnesses. "You haven't done anything, you were a child who had only known love. What was the point?"

"Zeus told you to do it. One should not defy the gods".

A dark laugh came from Odysseus, startling the kid

"That's all we have ever done since we met." Odysseus spoke the truth, and Astyanax hated him for it. "A god ordered a child's death. Where's my free will? Your right to a peaceful life? They're supposed to protect us...and look where we are now because of them."

Astyanax looked at him, right in the eyes, before saying his part.

"I hate you."

Odysseus sighed, tired, defeated.

"I know." Resigned.

"I have one more question."

Just one question? Odysseus would have give him anything he asked for. A question he could do.

"Go ahead."

Like a dreadful night, so many years ago, he thought he was ready. He wasn't ready.

"Do you even love me?"

Tears came to his eyes when the boy asked that question. How many times can a heart break until there's nothing left?

"How couldn't I? To love my children it's the easiest thing I've ever done."

Whatever was the veredict, he would take it, he owed Astyanax that much.

And then Astyanax got up. There was no emotions in his voice when he talked

"You are without doubt, a cruel man, Odysseus of Ithaca."

He walked away, letting a crying man behind.

[n-n-just-nobody]

No me di cuenta de lo sola que estaba hasta que me quedé despierta una noche pensando en cosas que no debería y no le podía decir a nadie porque no tenía a nadie a quien hablarle.

[arkeresia]

clive huh 🙏❤️‍🔥